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Monday, February 2, 2009 9:39 AM CST
My I did it letter! I wrote this after my marathon on Nov 2nd and wanted to share it.
All,
I did it, 13.1 miles! Sunday, Nov 2nd, my life changed. For those who know me, I’ve always been pretty self-confident, except I lacked that confidence in regards to my weight and my physical abilities. Courage is definitely something I’ve struggled with. I don’t like to fail (who does right?), I have this huge fear of letting people down (including myself). If something is difficult, I’d rather not even try then admit I “can’t” do it. Yet, my desire to make a difference in this world, my need to make sense of losing Griffin and my mom, gave me the Courage to start. The courage to dive into uncharted territory, too step way outside my comfort zone and walk a ½ marathon. Athlete I was not. Initially, I don’t think I gave it too much thought. I just signed up. Focusing merely on raising money to find a Cure and not even realizing “what” was truly involved in training for the ½ marathon. I devoted my Saturday mornings (as early as 5:30 am) to go walk, my extra time on the weeknights, and definitely struggled to find the “time” to get in all my miles, while still keeping up with the kids and work. I spent 27 weeks walking and in those weeks I walked over 300 miles to prepare myself for Sunday. As the date approached, my nerves set it. Self doubt is such a horrible thing. I was terrified I would be able to do it. I had no confidence. Everyone around me seemed to think I would be able too, I just couldn’t see it. I begin to wonder why I even started, why would I put myself in this situation, where was that courage I initially had? With the help of some good friends, family, my coach and mentor, I decided, okay, I can’t turn back, I can start this race. What’s the worst that can happen? I don’t finish.
It was Sunday, everyone asking me if I was ready. Are you serious? How do you know if you’re ready? I didn’t feel ready. Yes I trained, yes I had walked 12 miles before and survived, but had I done the best I could have done all these months? Could I do this? It course map was intimidating. 13.1 miles is FAR! What was I doing?
I was fortunate. I had the support of my fabulous coach Maile and my wonderful Mentor Suz walking with me the entire time! How many people can say that! Honestly, how lucky was I. Walking felt different than training, it was harder somehow. Maybe it was all the pressure I put on myself. We started out at a good pace, much faster then I normally walk. It lasted a couple miles. Pretty sure I was last. Last out of 4,000 people, I kept walking, not looking back. It was at about mile 5 where my coach said “You’re not last”. Not that I really cared (psychologically, I guess I did, I hate to think that people are waiting for me). Well, that didn’t last long, as the 3 people behind me passed me. Then it was me, my mentor, my coach, with the police car right behind me. Another TNT coach Terri (the Sweeper) in charge of making sure all the TNT (team in training) make it through the course started walking with us. And now I had 3 people making sure I’d finish this journey. I walked and I walked.
At mile 9, I hit a wall (I’m told this happens) I didn’t have the courage, the energy or strength to believe I could finish. I tried to think about Griffin and my mom and all their struggles. I tried to gain energy from them but it wasn’t working. I didn’t care; I didn’t want to do this anymore. What was I thinking? Why was I doing this? Why was I putting my body through this? I had tears rushing down my face, I started swearing and screaming. The coached told me it was okay, that I was going to finish (Did I believe them?) NOPE! Somehow, I kept walking and walking. It sucked! I didn’t want to do it anymore.
It seemed like forever. It was then that I saw purple! Purple is TNT (team in training’s color) I had at least 6 fellow team members (coaches, mentors, campaign manager) who mind you had already finished their race, walk back to find me. Yes, me. To help give me the courage, the strength and the will to finish what I had started. To be honest, I don’t think I have ever felt so loved. I had my own entourage of people, like a princess or celebrity. People filling up my water bottle, bringing me Gatorade, giving me energy beans. At anytime I felt that I couldn’t take another step someone would ask me to tell them another Griffin story. We talked about the time Griffin threw a raw egg at my mom, how Griffin met Leo, Griffin’s pirate teeth, and the end of his life. I remember the conversation I had with Griffin a few days before he died, about how, I wanted to lose weight and be healthier and how I was sorry I was the fat mom. I remember so clearly Griffin saying that he didn’t care, that nobody cared if I was fat, that it didn’t matter and he loved me. I wanted to be a good role model and felt so inadequate, in regards to my health.
I’ve spent the last 4 years attempting (not very hard) to get healthy and lose weight. Signing up and quitting Weight Watchers numerous times, going to the gym and then NOT. Giving in to my emotions and eating to try and pacify my feelings. It wasn’t until Feb where we got serious with cutting out bad carbohydrates and until May when I signed up with TNT that I really believed I could make a real change in my life.
I finished the walk, all 13.1 miles. I’m proud to say that I was the very last, of the 4000 people to walk/run across the finish line with a time of 5 hours, 2 minutes and 4 seconds. With my “Purple People” (as Sydney calls my teammates) I did it.
Life changing indeed, I am not the same person I was at the starting line. I’m so proud of whom I’ve become. I’m on top of the world. Never have I felt the confidence or believed in MYSELF like I do today.
I challenge you, each and every one of you. To find that something you’ve always wanted to do, but never had the courage. That something you’ve thought you “can’t do” and DO it. For, if I can do it, you can too.
This season, I have signed up as a TNT mentor. I will be training to go to Alaska in the summer for the Anchorage 1/2 Marathon. I’m excited to be part of the leadership team and hopeful that I can help inspire my teammates!
Thanks to everyone for all their support, both financially and emotionally and for helping me not only meet my goals but far surpass what I thought possible.
Love, Mo
Sunday, December 28, 2008 7:31 PM CST
struggling! Ugh! This time of year is so hard! Four years ago yesterday Griffin was admitted to the hospital, for the last time, I had to tell him he was probably going to die! Those words still haunt me. There's nothing really to say except that I just miss him do much! I miss the people who were in our lives because of Griffin. I'm just sad, I know I'll get through this week, I just want it to be over
Wednesday, December 24, 2008 11:25 AM CST
Merry Christmas Eve,
Can't believe how quickly time goes by. We are fastly approaching the 4 year mark since Griffin went to Heaven. Somedays it feels like an eternity since he's been gone. Others it seems like yesterday.
Life is so different now. We are not the same people, and sometimes I just miss the mom I was...I miss being Griffin's Mom.
Blake is now 7 1/2! Sydney is almost 3! I am definetly enjoying my kids. But still wishing Sydney could have known her brother Griffin. Blake helps keep his memory alive and talks about him often. Sydney will occastionally ask where'd Griffin go. We'll discuss Heaven, but I don't think she really gets that Griffin was real! (That's hard) She has been playing with some of his buildabears, it's cute to hear her talk about her Griffin Bear.
For those of you who still come here. Thanks! It means a lot. Words can't describe how to warms my heart to hear that Griffin impacted and continues to touch peoples lives.
This Christmas, Sydney asked for a toy kitchen from Santa. I remember Griffin's Christmas after diagnosis, he was 2 1/2 and he wanted a talking kitchen from Santa. He was so cute with his little bald head! Chef Griffin.
I hope that Sydney loves her kitchen as much as her big brother Griffin did!
I hope that I am able to enjoy the day, with my Blake and Sydney, while remembering Griffin, with out being too sad. Sometimes especailly this time of year (we admitted Griffin for his last hospital stay on the 27th) my emotions are so raw!! I have such a hard time containing the tears. I hope that I can contain myself, and live for today and not relive the past! My present to myself, is to be in the present!
Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!
-Mo
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 2:43 PM CDT
Yep It's me. Haven't been on this website in a while. I'm not sure if any comes here anymore. But I wanted to share my new and exciting journey with you all. I joined Team in Training, benefiting the Leukemia & Lymphoma society and am currently training to WALK in the Dallas 1/2 marathon! It has been life changing! And I've only been doing this for 3 weeks.
Anyways, if you'd like to follow my journey please visit my new blog:
www.walkingforgriffin.blogspot.com
Love, Mo
Saturday, January 5, 2008 9:52 AM CST
It's always hard to figure out how to spend that Anniversary of the day your child died. What do you do? As a family we try to do things Griffin enjoyed. Yesterday, we ate Waffles for Breakfast, (okay they should have been Eggos). We had decided to go to the mall and take the kids to build a bear, Sydney had never been, and in the last 3 years since Griff died, Blake has been once. (Mind you, we have atleast 5 Bears Griffin had made). For me, it was great to have a PLAN! The kids, Blake, Sydney, Dean and Ani (my adorable niece and nephew) all enjoyed themselves! We then went to Dickies for a BBQ lunch.
Last night, our good friends Brian and LaLa came over, with Costco Pizza (Griff favorite) and a huge chocolate cake, with Griffin's name written in Red. In addition to the Pizza, we had Mac N Cheese and corn! Yes, carbs galore, just like Griffin would have wanted! We all went outside and sent Red Balloons to Heaven! Ate cake, and watched Griffin's movie! I also ran into the video of when our cousins, Lucas, Koa and Allie visited (about 6 weeks before Griffin passed away. The kids sword fighted, danced, and made a movie, It was hysterical to watch, and so wonderful to see Griffin interact with his brother and cousins. I don't think i have ever watched this video before, and last night was the perfect time. I cried a little, but laughed mainly. Griffin was pretty silly! We then watched episode1 of YuGiOh. I can't think of a more perfect day spent remembering Griffin. I am so grateful my sister Simone, and niece and nephew were here to spend the day with us, and so happy to have friends like Brian and Laura. Thanks for all the phone calls yesterday, thanks for remembering Griffin. -Mo
Friday, January 4, 2008 8:47 AM CST
An Anniversary no parent should have to celebrate:
Jan 4th at 4:32am marks the 3 year anniversary of Griffin's death. I look back and it amazes me that 3 whole years have passed. I remember those first hours and days, wondering how was I ever going to live my life with out my son... Well, we have, and have made it 3 years, it's still overwhelming to imagine a life time with out him, and still hard to believe he is gone. Life has changed so much since he's been gone, at times it's hard to believe he was even here at all!! That makes me so sad, the number of people who "knew Griff" is dwindling, the amount of time spent talking, laughing and crying about Griff is dwindling too, but that's to be expected right? We have learned to live life without him. Griffin will always be in our hearts, and I will never forget his journey, his bravery, his determination, his compassion. I'm not sure what else to say, except one thing will never change, no matter how much time has passed, and that is the love I felt and continue to feel for my son Griffin. I miss him so much.
-Mo
Sunday, September 30, 2007 7:01 PM CDT
http://www.kiddskids.com/
When Griffin was alive he said on numerous occasions that he was "Happy he had cancer." The first time I heard the words I was shocked, appolled really. How could my son say this. He must have sensed my concern, because he quickly responded.. "Mom, yes, of course I wish I didn' t have cancer, but, if I didn't then I would not have all these people in my life, he list all the people we had meet on our journey at the hospital, Paige, Ryan, Matthew, Heidi, ect. He also said, he wouldn't have gotten to meet his friend Leo, gone to all the "'exclusive parties" and most importantly his Make a Wish trip to the Bahamas on the Disney Cruise. Griffin could always see the Bright side of a situation, not just a 1/2 glass full person, but a glass over flowing. He could have the best day ever, even if he was at the hospital getting chemo. His outlook for life was truely amazing, and I aspire to be more like him each day. He was and will always be my hero.
Anyways, we were fortunate to have the help of the make a wish foundation for our disney adventure. It was brought to my attention last week by a good friend, that the morning radio show that I listen too was sending 50 kids to Disney. I realize that their are fundrasers going on everywhere right now. We have schools, cub scouts, walks all asking for money. Honestly, I'm a little tapped myself, but I know that even a $1.00 makes a difference, and that differene can mean the world to a family with a terminal illness who gets to experience the trip of a lifetime. So, if you can, please donate a $1.00 in Memory of Griffin to the website above. Thanks, love Mo.
Thursday, July 12, 2007 8:30 PM CDT
Happy Birthday Griffin, July 13th 2007. You'd be 9, so hard for me to believe. I miss you more than words can describe. I love you. Mom
You can find us at:
www.yarbroughfamilyadventures.blogspot.com
Sunday, July 1, 2007 8:00 PM CDT
A new place to find us.
http://yarbroughfamilyadventures.blogspot.com/
This has been a long time coming, in the near future, I will not be updating on caringbridge any longer. In the past months it has been increasingly difficult to update here. I feel bad if my post is not centered around Griffin, as this is HIS site. I miss being able to update about him, and it makes it difficult to share everyday life stuff here, so I have started a new site, a site about our family.
The newsite has barely been started, I am just trying to get it all figured out, but please go check it out.
THanks for being there.
Love, Mo
Thursday, May 24, 2007 5:05 PM CDT
BITTERSWEET!
Today was the last day of school, and Blake is no longer a Kindergarten! I am so thrilled for him. He is so excited. I can't believe he will be in first grade, now that is something I haven't had yet. With Griff, the first time he completed Kindergarten, he had only gone to like 70 days of the 180 days of school, we knew that once we moved to Texas, he'd do Kindergarten again. School was never the priority, but a meer chance for Griffin to be a "normal" kid. For him to experience as much as possible. At that point we were still hopefully that Griffin would complete Kindergarten the following year. Maybe we should have just let him go to first grade... who knows...it doesn't matter now..but you can't help but wonder. When Griffin turned six he seemed so old and wise to me and my little Blake was 3 (not a baby, but still such a little boy). I look at Blake now and he is almost 6, the same age Griffin was and it just amazes me. I can't imagine what Griffin would be like now, he'd be turning 9. Yes, 9! And I look at Blake and it is so hard to believe that this little boy is almost as old as his big brother. I am so excited for my Blake, and what an incredible BIG boy and Big Brother he has become, Griffin would be so proud.
We are in planning stages of his birthday party. I think it will be a pirate swimming party again!!
We don't have our computer hooked up at home yet, as soon as we do, i will update with new pictures of the kids, i know it has been forever and I appologize.
THanks for still checking on us.
Love, mO
Wednesday, May 9, 2007 2:19 PM CDT
Okay, don't have a heart attack, I'm updating again! Twice in one week.
On Monday, at Christie Elementary, Blake's school (Griffin's old school) they had a flower planting. Appartenly years ago, a student who attended Christie name Leah died, and every year since, the school has planted a garden for her. Well, this year another child died from cancer from the elementary school. So, the school decided to honor all 3 kids in the garden, Leah, Griffin and Lizette. So Blake and Blake's class got to help plant flowers. I went to watch, and Griffin's best friend in kindergarten was able to get out of his 2nd grade class to plant flowers too. IT was nice, very nice to have Griffin recognized. Blake and I will make a stone, with Griffin's name on it this weekend to go in the garden at school.
So, i've been trying to be a better mom, in regards to reading to Blake. You know, the whole, we just moved into a new house, were starting new rules, new routines and stuff.
Anyways, Blake and I read a Junie B Jones book the other night. Blake loved it! And I stopped at a really good point, where Blake was asking for more, saying Please Mom read one more chapter!! Well, we finished the book, and didn't have something else. We still have a ton of boxes from the move to unpack, with lots of stuff still in storage. Anyways, i found a box of books, inside was a captain underpants book! Griffin and i had read some of them, I was excited. Blake and I started reading, we got to chapter 8 and the corner of the book was bent. He was shocked (as you should NEVER do that MOMMY), he asked why, I said Griffin and I had started reading this one at the hospital. Instantly, Blake grabed my hand, and held it, he said so this is the first time you will read what happens next? I said "yes". Blake continued to hold my hand, and we continued to read. It was such a wonderful momment, one I just had to share. What an Amazing boy Blake has become. I bet his brother Griffin is so proud.
-Monique
Wednesday, May 2, 2007 4:10 PM CDT
So, I'm FINALLY UPDATING!! SERIOUSLY! I know it's ridiculous. It has taken me forever. To be perfectly honest, I find it very difficult to come and write here. For so long, i'd share Griffin's excitements, challenges, and then hardships. This was my forum, you were my audience. I enjoyed writting about the going ons of my family, our exciting adventures, and keeping everyone informed as to Griffin's health and progress.
Years ago, there were several kids whose websites I visted each and everyday, " I was a regular". Unfortunately some of the kids didn't make it. I remember wondering why these moms who faithly updated their childs site stopped once their child died. I would long to here how the family was doing. Yet there would be no update. I said to myself that I would not do that. That I would still be faithful in my updates, that even though Griffin was no longer with us, I would update on our lives without. I was able to do this for a while, and then something changed. I'm not quite sure what this change was, just that, I'd come to write and just couldn't. Either no words would come, I'd begin to cry, or honestly, I just didn't want to.
I've come to decide I need a new journaling spot, away from caringbridge. I look back on our lives, and I will never be the same person I was before Griffin died. I'm just NOT. At first the pain was so over powering, every minute without Griff was a struggle. Little by little, over the last 2 years, it has gotten easier in many ways. The pain is still there but I have learned to accept it. I have learned to be greatful for every second I had Griff in my life. And even though I lost him, I was given so much more time with him then many other mother's. I was given an opportunity spend 4 years with him after he was first diagnosed with cancer, and really 4 years is a lot. Obviously, I wish I had more.. but I did get 4 years. I had an opportunity to say goodbye, to let Griffin know how much I love him and to know how much Griffin loved me. I will forever be greatful for that time.
Well, a lot has been happening in our lives. We finally BOUGHT our first HOUSE!! We are thrilled. It is beautiful, I love it. Sydney was a flower girl in our babysitters wedding. Blake is almost finished with Kindergarten! Life is good.
Anyways, I am at some point, when we get unpacked and settled, I will get Barry to make me a Yarbrough Family website, where I can update on our lives, and have a special Griffin page where I can share about him. I will not close down this site and will let ya'll known the new address.
Thanks for listening, thanks for being there. Love-Mo
Thursday, January 4, 2007 6:52 AM CST
7:46 pm- So we survived today. I'm glad it is almost over. Barry and I didn't do much, went out shopping, and had sushi for lunch. It was nice spending time together. I picked up the kids early, we sent up our balloons to Griffin. Ate his favorite for dinner, Mac n Cheese, Chicken Nuggets and Corn. And had the Biggest HOT fudge Sundaes, so big neither Blake or myself could finish them. We sat and watch Griffin's video, listened to the messages Griffin left us, and watched a lot of spongebob. Gosh- I love him and miss him.
________________________________
this morning:
I sit here and have no clue what to write. Today is just such a hard day for me, and so hard to beleive that already 710 days have gone by since I last saw Griffin. I remember his death like it was yesterday, so vivid in my mind, I have been going through all the details. I will never forget the emptyness I felt, leaving the hospital for the last time, with a car full of Griffin's toys, but no Griffin, knowing I would never have a reason to come back. Knowing I would not see my boy anymore. It was horrible. In those early days after Griffin's death, the grief was so unbearable, it was a challange to face each hour with out him, let a lone an entire day, yet some how, we struggled through, and the hours became days and months and now 2 Years. Amazing to me, that we have made it through, that life has no choice but to continue with out the ones we love.
I miss his laughter, I miss his toothless grin, I miss his enthusiaum, mostly i miss the love he shared with his family and friends. Griff, always knew what to say,he could read me so well, and would just know when I need a hug.
Today, Barry and I are off work, cause how do you work on the day your kid die. I can't. Blake has school and he can't miss, Syd will go to the babysitter. Tonight, we will have an Ice Cream Sundae Happy Heaven Party (I just couldn't do the red cake thing, and both Blake and I agreed that Griff love making sundaes. We got Balloons last night, One Yugioh, One Incredible, One Red Heart and One Blue Heart. There is a story about the Yugioh ones, the were discontinued. There was none on the shelf. Blake said mom, we have to have yugioh, we asked a lady, she said she had a couple in the back, she had like 6 of them, we bought them all, so we can inflat one each "happy Heaven day" and each birthday for the next 3 years, after that, i am not sure how will find yugioh.
love you all-Monique
Wednesday, December 20, 2006 0:53 AM CST
Wow this year has just flown by.
Sydney has been taking steps, a few at a time, back and forth between Barry and I. It is very exciting, she is 10 months old today. She has also learned how to waive Bye-bye and can clap! She is adorable!
We are off to Seattle in a couple hours, to spend christmas with my family. I am so excited to see everyone.
Okay, so I started wanted to write an update and now, the tears are rolling down my face. I just miss Griffin, so very much, and can't help but think that he too should be traveling to see his family and especially his cousins, gosh he loved them so very much. It is hard to believe we are approaching the dreaded 2 year mark since he left to heaven. 2 years since i heard his incredible laugh, saw his big grin, and hugged my big boy. So very hard that we still have an eternity with out him. He loved Christmas, especially Santa Claus, I have his final letter he wrote to Santa, asking for lots of Yugioh cards, on the outside of the letter, he wrote "Black Eyes Red Dragon" a special card he had wanted. He even drew a santa hat. Before he went to heaven, he was concerned that Santa wouldn't visit him up there, we tried to explain that Griff would never need or want for anything in Heaven, this concept seems hard for Griffin to understand, so we ended up telling him that Santa stopped at Heaven first! Griffin was thrilled, he then asked about the Easter Bunny, his next favorite person.
I hope everyone has a good Christmas. It seems as though memories are fading, and I'd love if people couldn't write something the remember about Griffin or something Griffin said, it would mean a lot to me.
love, mo
Saturday, December 16, 2006 9:11 AM CST
It was nicely pointed out to me that I really should update. (Thanks Suzanne!) It's not that I haven't thought about it, or that I've been ignoring everyone, it's just this time of year is so very difficult, and some how, coming to this site, updating, reminds me of all the Griffin updates, and all the sad things I had to write. I do remember all the funny things too, but the point being, I have been working hard, trying to handle the upcoming holidays and the seas of emotions, and writting somehow makes the feeling more concrete, like somehow not writting is not admitting how much it hurts to be in another holiday season with out my Griff.
Life it's self has been good. Blake is wonderful, we have been working the last 3 months on eatting healthier and exercising and we have seen some really postive results with Blake. I am so proud of him. He still loves school and loves his teacher.
Sydney is growing so fast, I can't believe in just 2 months we will be planning her 1st birthday party. She currently has 3 teeth, and about 6 that have been trying to come through for what seems like for ever. Needless to say she's been a bit cranker this week, hopefully Sydney will get her 2 front teeth for christmas.
Work is good, but not very fufilling. We were at our grief group holiday event and I was talking to Griffin's Hospice Nurse about volunteering with Hospice. I really feel like I need to do something in my life to help others, for a while I was convinced I was supose to work with cancer kids, but now, that i have lost my own son, and so many other kids I know, I have realized that my help can be in the end of life or after. Anyways, I will contact the hospice agency that help Griffin in Jan, and go through their training.
So, I got the best Christmas present last weekend, from Barry's incredible Aunt and Uncle. A sewing machine!! For those of you who know me well, you might know that my two worse classes in Junior High, and High School were Sewing and Pottery. Silly, huh, I actually got a D in pottery!! Everythign I touched broke, and ways, I have not tried to sew since junior high.
I have always wanted to make simple stuff, like to hem pants or make a blanket, nothing complicated. My mom had always said she would teach me, but unfortunatley we ran out of time and she never got a chance too.
I am so excited! I can't wait, to try it out. And yes, i am going to read the manual. Hopefully I can figure out how to make a baby blanket for my new baby niece that is coming in March.
Love to you all,
I will update with new pictures soon.
Mo
Wednesday, November 1, 2006 2:35 PM CST
We had a great Halloween!
Blake was Dash (the incredible) and Sydney was (the incredible baby) Jack Jack. They were so cute. I will have to post pictures tonight when I get home. Griff would have been so proud, his brother and sister were incredibles. That was one of his favorite movies. I tried to imagine what Griff would have been for halloween this year, I bet Captain Jack Sparrow. How he loved to dress up, and love pirates. We went trick or treating with our neighboors last night, to this amazing street. This one house in particular was the Pirates of the Caribbean. It was incredible, they had built a ship in their front yard, I took pictures and will try to post one. (I'm sure Griff would have convinced the pirates to let him on their ship)
FedEx Kinko's has a halloween trick or treat for the kids, so Both Blake and Syd were able to come to the office first. They had fun, and of course I was thrilled to show off the kids, (they are just so cute!!)
Blake loved trick or treating, with the neighbors. Sydney sat in her stroller and took it all in. It was pretty cold, so she was pretty bundled up.
I missed Griff last night, yet, unlike last year, I was able to think of Griffin's last Halloween and laugh and smile, instead of crying. It felt good. It goes with out saying that I wish he was still here with us, and that I desperatly miss him, but some how, as time goes by the emotions aren't as raw, and don't hurt as much, if that makes any sense.
It's hard to believe the holidays are quickly approaching.. That is the most difficult time of year for me.. But I know we will get through it.
Anyways, thanks for listening, and for loving us.
-Mo
Saturday, October 21, 2006 10:25 PM CDT
Tonight was the Light the Night walk. It was wonderful.
Please see the pictures. We didn't get too many, but there are some. The shirts we are all wearing (i know they are kinda hard to see) have Griffin's handwritting on them. The shirts say "Team Griffin" and have a picture of a Griffin.
We had a great walk, were surrounded by many friends. We are so lucky to have such incredible people in our lives.
Tonight, "team Griffin" consisted of Ken and Lori, Brian and Laura, Sean, Michelle, Dave, Dawn, Baby David and the Yarbrough gang. Thank you all so very much for being part of "Team Griffin". It was wonderful to see all the red balloons. And to walk with so many great friends.
Thank you to everyone who donated, it is greatly appreciated.
Love, Mo
Ps: Sydney is wearing her first pair of shoes! Isn't she cute.
PPS: On the weight loss road, I've lost 19 pounds now. I'm pretty happy about it, still got a long way to go, but it feels so good.
Friday, October 13, 2006 3:50 PM CDT
First off, I want to thank everyone who has already donated to Blake and my Light the Night fundraiser! We appreciate your support so very much.
If you haven't already done so, Please go to the website below and donate..it's for a great cause..even if it's $5.00 every Dollar helps!!!
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnDallas/1965_myarbroughLTN
Life, is going pretty well. We just had a wonderful week with Blake on Fall Break, and Barry's daughter Jordan visting from LA. It was so great having Jordan in town, and so wonderful for Blake to have a "Big" Sibling at the house. We went to the acquarium, zoo, had a halloween night, and a lot of fun! Jordan was very excited to make her very own cake, all by herself. Please see the picture page for photos.
Sydney is great, I bet she'll be walking soon! She can walk around the table holding on. Her lastest trick is getting down off the couch.
I am still walking, I haven't been to weight watchers in 2 weeks (life's been crazy) but I am going back this weekend.
I'm missing Griffin so much recently. So hard to believe we are approaching 2 years with out him....
Love to all, Mo
Monday, September 25, 2006 3:28 PM CDT
Are you hungry? Go to CHILI'S tonight Monday September 25th! 100% of their profit goes to St. Jude's hospital for Childhood Cancer research.
http://www.chilis.com/
I'll update more later.
love, Mo
Friday, September 8, 2006 1:23 PM CDT
Things have been going well.
Blake is really enjoying Kindergarten, he walks to school with 6 neighboor kids, 2 of whom are 5th grade girls (Blake insists both are his girlfriends). His best friend is school is this sweet girl Kathryn. Aunt Roxy help make him a Marathon poster (for this marathon kids program the school is sponsering) So far, he has walked/run 3 1/2 miles, the goal to hit 25.2 before the Big Celebration where everyone will go the last mile together. He has been getting stickers to log his progress, I will take a picture this weekend.
Sydney is growing up so quickly!! She is crawling like crazy and not only pulling up to stand, but now trying to walk around the coffee table (holding on of course). I'm sure within the next week or so she'll be a pro. Sydney, still has no teeth, i thought for sure a couple months ago she was getting them, but nope. She is constantly putting stuff in her mouth, and she looks like they could come up at any time, we will just have to wait and see. She loves people food now, she is still eating baby food, but trys to gum everything when ever she gets a chance.
On the weight loss front, I have lost 10 pounds in the last month, I am pretty proud of myself, I have a long way to go, but am ready for the challenge.
Work has been busy for both Bear and I. All in all we have all been good.
Barry is in the process of making our Griffin's Team shirts for the light the night walk. I will post a picture when he is done and will take orders if anyone is interested.
Thank you so very much to Haim, Karen and Sunny for helping suport our "Light the night Walk".
Love, Mo
Friday, September 1, 2006 11:05 AM CDT
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnDallas/1965_myarbroughLTN
Please go to the above website, and help Blake and I with the Light the Night Walk.
Thanks, Monique
Thursday, August 24, 2006 12:40 AM CDT
Seriously!!! I am so very sorry for the lack of update. I promise it hasn't been intentional.
Wow, I have a lot to fill everyone in on. Griffin's birthday, was as good, as that day could have possibily been. We decided to take Sydney to the babysitter, pick up August (who Griffin and Blake both adore) and all go to Hawaiian Falls (a mini water park) much smaller than a hurricane harbor, but pretty fun. We knew how much Griff liked water slide, and found it fitting to spend the day doing something HE would have wanted to do. The day was good, Hot, but fun, We spent most of it in the Lazy River. Then we picked up Syd, and met a bunch of our friends for Dinner at Salt Grass (the first place Griffin ever ate dinner in Texas) Griff loved their bread and chicken fingers. So, I ordered the chicken fingers and they were so good. It was wonderful to have our friends with us.
We got a cake, that said "Happy Birthday" I just couldn't write Griffin's name on it, that was too hard. And a bunch of red balloons with the number 8 on them. Blake blew out the candles. (oh and we had decorated the cake with Skittles and had Yugioh plates)And then went outside the restraunt to put a piece of cake outside incase Griffin wanted to come get one. Blake also decided it was best to put the cake in the shade, so "Angel Griffin" wouldn't get hot eating his cake. What a sweet brother.
Blake started Kindergarten, that was very emotional for me, to be back at the school Griffin attended. How I wished I was walking my Griff into school with his brother. Blake has been enjoying school. He walks to school with about 6 other neighboor kids. He has a little friend Katherine in his class that he talks about.
I have been really working on myself recently. Which has been difficult. I realized that for so many years, the focus was on Griffin, and I hadn't really done anything for myself. It was much easier to tackle someone else then yourself. Anyways, I am trying to do things for me, which is hard.
I have a wonderful neighbor who just had a baby boy 2 months ago. We have started Weight Watchers together, and have been walking at night. We try to go everynight, for the most part we are. It feels good. I have tried to lose weight my whole life, and in the recent years, haven't even attempted because it was just too overwhelming. Funny, how I could tackle and juggle everything in relation to Griffin's treatment. Giving chemo at home, and taking care of Blake. Yet losing weight has seems next to impossible. Anyways, I am motivated to make the change, for myself, Barry, Blake, Sydney and especially in honor of Griffin's struggles. He went through so much, and I can do this right? I made need some moral support, cause this will be a challenge. Barry is on board too. and this time, my attitude is differnt, and I think that is half the battle.
Work is great. Busy, but great. I have made time out for pedicures (which I love)And the best thing is we hired a service to come CLEAN our house every two weeks. This has been the best money spent, and makes my life so much easier.
Sydney is amazing, she just turned 6 months!! Already, can you believe it. She is crawling!! Can sit up by herself, babbles all the time, and is just delightful to be around, she is the HAPPIEST baby ever. She just started taking gymnastic time classes at a gymboree type place. She LOVES it. My wonderful Babysitter takes her, and they has an open gym time on the weekend that I will take her too.
I'm looking for Karate classes for Blake. That is what he wants to do.
Well, that's about it, in a nutshell. I promise new pictures soon, I have to get on my home computer to put them up. Yes, I have pictures of Blake's first day at Kindergarten.
Thanks for listening! Thanks for the support.
Love, Mo
Wednesday, July 12, 2006 9:02 AM CDT
I'm really struggling to keep it together. Griffin would be 8. Yes, 8 tomorrow. Gosh, he would have loved being 8. I can't believe he is not here. It hurts so badly, it's just as fresh as it was when he first died. My emotions are racing, and I am trying so hard not to break down into tears again today. It's just I miss him so much, he loved life, and gave all of us so much hope. He was such an amazing gift, and I cherish every second I had with him, and I long for more..
I have so much I want to say, but am fighting back tears, so I will update again later.
Please send RED BALLOONS TO HEAVEN TOMORROW, TO CELEBRATE GRIFFIN'S BIRTHDAY!!!! PLEASE GO GET SOME MOUNTAIN DEW, and SOME SKITTLES, enjoy your day, and REMEMBER GRIFFIN on July 13th.
Monday, June 19, 2006 10:19 PM CDT
****NEW PHOTOS on PHOTO PAGE 6/26/06*******
Blake is 5!!! I am so excited for him.
He had an incredible Pirate Pool Party. Luckily the weather for the party was perfect (we had lightening and rain afterwards). I have so much I want to write, but right now, I just can't seem to do it. A couple days before Griffin died he taped a message for Blake for his birthday. I had forgotten about it, and it just came to me a few minutes ago. Blake is already asleep for the night or I'd play it for him. Needless to say, I am now a wreck, with tears just storming down my face. Gosh how I miss my amazing child. How a 6 year old thought into the future, to make sure his brother would have a birthday message from him is truely amazing!!! Griff would be so proud of his little brother. Blake is such an incredible "big" brother to Sydney, he loves her to pieces, he is such a wonderful son, and I am so glad to have him. I only wish, I could have both my boys and my little girl. But, we know we can't always get what we want. I am grateful for every second we had with Griff, but just hearing his voice, reminds me of how much I truely long to see him, to touch him and to share in his life.
I promise I will update on the party soon, and share some great photos courtesy of our friend Evy.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes to Blake. They mean alot.
love, Mo
Tuesday, June 6, 2006 5:12 PM CDT
A couple days ago, I stopped to figure out how long Griffin has been gone and it was around 510 days. Gosh what a long time it has been. It is getting harder to remember his voice, his touch and his smell. Yes, I can still watch him on video, but I mean when you close your eyes, and the memories are so fresh and vivid, as time goes by it seems they are losing the freshness. When I think about it, it just makes me so truely sad. This hole that will forever be in my heart.
As Sydney gets bigger, she reminds me more and more of her "biggest brother" Griffin. Syd loves the water like both Blake and Griffin. She resembles them both so much.
I will update more later, i have to get back to work.
Friday, May 26, 2006 1:50 PM CDT
Sydney has a new trick!! She can ROLL OVER, from laying on her back, she can roll to her stomach! We are all very excited for her.
She has been giggling, cooing and smiling so much. She is just a happy girl. We are so lucky to have her.
Blake is getting excited for his upcoming birthday next month. He is having a "pirate pool party" and Aunt Rox and Uncle Russell will be here!! He's getting a little spoiled with Uncle Russell here. He saw Russell 2 times this week, and had the time of his life playing video games. They are working on a game called Sly 3.
I am really missing Griffin today. Gosh, I am on the verge of tears. Somedays are just harder then others.
We are going to Lubbock this weekend for Barry's Grandpa's 80th birthday party! Happy Birthday Roger, We love you.
That's about it.
MO
Tuesday, May 23, 2006 10:36 AM CDT
I realize it has been forever since I updated. I promise it was not intentional. I do still want to write, as it so helps give me an outlet for my feelings, I just haven't made the time.
Mother's day was difficult, althought I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. I remember thinking last year, that mother's day couldn't get worse, well this year it did, as I didn't have my mom to share the day with. I long to talk to her. So many times I pick up the phone to call her, before I realize that "Duh" (as Griff would have said) I can't.
I look at my life, and even though I have experience so much loss in the last year and (gosh) almost 6 months. I am incredibly lucky, I have amazing friends, who constantly reach out to me, wonderful sisters, a suportive family, an incredible boy named Blake, an adorable baby, Sydney and a loving husband. Yes, I have days where I don't want to get out of bed, where the pain of the loss is so intense, i cry myself to sleep, even with that said, I am lucky. I have so much support, and so many who love my family.
As time passes, we start to question whether people are true friends, can they with stand the agony of their friend losing a child or are they too afraid and disapear out of your life. We have had many conversations in my grief group about the way friends and family have responded to losing Griffin, and how our daily lives have changed. I feel so blessed and fortunate for all those out there that still read this site, that have stood by me, that have listened to my cry. I'd be lost with out all you. Thank you for your courage, for hanging in there with me, for continuing to be a part of our lives. You'd make Griffin proud.
Before Griffin died, he made people promise things to him, he was very concerned that I would be okay. Amazing, a 6 1/2 year old watching out for his mom. Ensuring that his friends would stay my friend. I have to say, that for the most part, people are still there. I am greatful, and I love you all.
Most of you know how much Griffin loved Leo. Honestly, I was worried that Leo was just Griffin's friend, but I was wrong, We have stayed in touch, and that means the world to me.
Anyways, my break from work is over. I will write more soon, and update the pictures in the next couple days.
Friday, April 21, 2006 8:51 PM CDT
Sydney had her 2 month check up! Hard to believe it has already been 2 months since she was born. She getting really big. Weighing in at 12 pounds 8.5 ounces (in the 92 and 23 5/8 inches long (in the 90 Syd is doing wonderful, she is smiling alot now and cooing. Her noises are so very cute. I am so greatful to have her, I can't even begin to express how much joy she brings me.
Blake is great. He is so grown up, some of the phrases that come out of his mouth are hilarious. The other day, he said his friend liked this girl "cause she was HOT". Hilarious. I can't think of any other examples right now, but he is definately a character.
We are so excited for my sister Rox and Russell's wedding!! Only 7 more days. We leave for LA on Wednesday night. It will be so great to see my sisters again.
It will be very difficult to not have my mom there to visit. I've had such a rough time not having her to talk to. It's only been a little over a month since she passed away, and it seems like forever. I miss her so much. I miss Griffin so much.
-Mo
Monday, April 17, 2006 8:24 AM CDT
5 years ago today, Griffin was admitted to the hospital for his bone marrow transplant. I remember being so terrified, we were being admitted for about 1 month, depending on how Griffin responded, and we were expected to see Griffin feel horrible, worse then all the other chemos he'd already experienced. Despite our fears, we were filled with hope, hope for Griffin's future, hope that Griffin's cancer would be destroyed for ever.
Griffin did remarkable well through transplant. He was 3 months away from his 3rd birthday. We had bought him new bedding, power rangers of course, and he slept in the hospital at night by himself, while we stayed at the ronald mcdonald house (it was right behind the hospital).
It was during bone marrow transplant that Griffin learned to pee standing up. He was watching austin powers, which he loved. Cause Griffin wanted to pee like Austin Powers. My mom even made Griffin an austin powers outfit, I know we took pictures, but I'm not sure where the pictures are. (i'll look for them) He also spent many days dressed as a pirate.
On April 25th Griffin received his bone marrow transplant. And each April 25th thereafter, we would celebrate this day, like a birthday, with a huge celebration of Griffin's life.
On May 17th we were release from the hospital!!!! We had to be extremely careful with Griff, as the first 100 days after transplant are very cruical, as your immune system is very week. We did it, we survived. My son was truly amazing. He embraced life and made the most out of every situation. Even at 2, he taught me so much, that life is what YOU make it! I loved him with all my heart.. I hate that he is not here with us..I hate that it is almost April 25th and we are not having a Celebration of Griffin's life, with Griffin planing his huge party.. I hate that I have a lifetime of holidays with out him.. But I have no choice, just like he didn't. He went through cancer treatment for years, always with a smile on his face.. And, I like him, will go through life with a smile on mine, ready to face what comes next and make the most of my life, for Blake and Sydney and in Griffin's memory.
-Monique
Sunday, April 9, 2006 6:11 PM CDT
Tomorrow Sydney will be 7 weeks! Wow, time sure goes by fast. I have to go back to work soon :( I am not totally looking forward to that, but it will be okay. I am currently looking for daycare for Sydney. I am meeting someone tomorrow and have a couple other leads, hopefully I will find someone I really like. We have had very good luck with childcare. And have had some truely amazing women care for our boys. I am hopeful to find that for Sydney.
Blake is full of energy. He is such a loud kid (kinda like his mom huh). He is constantly talking (loudly, I might add) about something. He has recently rediscover Curious George, and we have been reading Curious George stories every night. Griffin's favorite Curious George story was Curious George goes to the chocolate factory. When he was almost 3 we searched everywhere for "Banana Creme Chocolates" (they were georges favorite of course). We searched Sees, Ethel M, Godiva and countless others, all with no luck. They had orange creme, strawberry, raspberry, no banand. Who would have thought. Finally Barry found some website and ordered banana creme chocolates. Griffin was so excited! For those who knew Griff, when he got excited boy was he excited... The only problem, when Griffin tried them, he spit it out, he hated it. Oh well.
I miss Griffin so much every single day. I wish he was here with us, and his new baby sister. Gosh, he would love her.
Yesterday, we had a wonderful day. We went to the fort worth zoo. It was great, and so nice to spend the day outside as a family. Blake really enjoyed the new dinosaur exhibits. There are 10 dinosaurs hiding all over the zoo, and you need to find them. Blake found them all.
Not much else going on. Oh, Sydney is getting big, she is now 12 pounds!!! We are excited for our up coming trip to California for my sister Rox and Russell's wedding.
Thanks for listening and for checking on us. I will update new pictures from the zoo soon.
Love, mo
Monday, April 3, 2006 4:40 PM CDT
Sydney is 6 weeks old!! Wow time goes by fast. She is amazing, but all my kids are, right? :) She's great sleeper, many nights she will sleep from like 10:00 pm- 4:00 am. I am totally in love with my sweet girl.
I have been missing Griffin so much recently. I miss everything about him, but especially his laugh, boy was it contaigous. It's so hard to believe he'd be turning 8 this year, I try to imagine what he'd be into, and what he'd look like, and I can't and it breaks my heart. Often times, I wish I could just look up in the sky and see him sitting on a cloud. I'd love just a small glimpse of him. I watched the DVD from his service the other day, of course I cried hysterically, but I just longed to see him, to hear his voice. Then, I saw the pictures of Griffin and My mom, and I really lost it. I miss my mom so very much, I talked to her on the phone everyday, many times multiple times a day. Many times we'd talk about nothing, like what we saw on Martha Stewart that day, or the bargins I'd find at target. Other days we'd have intense conversations, about life with cancer and life before cancer. Cancer is so vicious, and I hate how it took my son and my mother from me.
Yesterday was my mom's memorial service. It was so difficult for me to be here in Texas, while everyone else was in LA, celebrating my mom's life. I kept telling myself, that it was okay, because I was there to say "goodbye", I was there when it really mattered. All the same, I still wish I had been able to go. From what I hear it was wonderful. My sister's boyfriend Mark videoed it, so atleast I'll be able to check it out.
We had a wonderful Saturday. Rox and Russell were in town, it was so great to spend time with them.
I have to go, Sydney just started crying.
Love, Mo
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 9:14 AM CST
Sydney is wonderful! She is getting bigger every day. She is probably about 11 pounds now. Hard to believe she is already 5 weeks old.
Blake is really enjoying her. It is so cute how much he loves his little sister.
I have been having a rough time, grief wise. It has taken me such a long time to get use to the fact that Griffin is gone, and now, I have to deal with my mom being gone. It just doesn't seem fair. How can you lose 2 of the most important people in your life in 15 months? I cried alot yesterday. I miss Griffin and my mom so very much. A friend of mine said. "Losing Griffin was like losing part of my future, and Losing my mom, is like losing my past."
My mom was amazing when Griffin got sick, she was there with us all the time. She was by far the most amazing Grandma. And with Griffin's death, my mom has always been there for me to talk to, share memories with, and cry with. I hate that I don't have that anymore. It just sucks! Yes, I realize that my mom is in a better place, and yes, I am glad that she is with Griffin, and yes, like Griffin, she could no longer stay here with us, BUT that doesn't take away the pain I feel. The longing to talk to her. I'm not quite sure how I'll get through this. I do know that I will, I always do.
I look at my life, and even amongst all this sorrow, and grief, I can still find so much happiness. I am grateful for so many things. I have an amazing family and the best friends. I have an incredible husband who I love with all my heart. An amazing almost 5 year old. Blake brings me so much joy, and a beautiful happy baby girl, who I adore. Yes, obviously, I wish Griffin was here, and my mom. All I can say is that I am grateful for every single second I had with both my mom and Griffin.
Thanks for listening, for caring about us, and for continuing to check on us. I am so very grateful for your friendship, support and love.
Love, Monique
Thursday, March 16, 2006 8:23 AM CST
Update: My mom passed away peacefully this morning at 6:10 am (California time).
So very much has happened since I last updated. It's hard to know where to begin. Let me start with the good stuff.
Sydney is wonderful! We are all so in love with our beautiful girl. She had a check up yesterday, she is 3 weeks, 3 days old, and weighing in a 10 lbs 2.5 oz, and 22 inches long! She is a big healthy girl! Blake adores her, he is such a good brother. Somehow, Sydney helps put the balance back in our family. Yes, I still miss Griffin tremendously. It's still so hard to believe he is not here with us. Seems like just yesterday, I was making him eggo waffles and playing video games with him. I miss him so very much. The other day Blake and I were talking in the car, on our way to Sears to get photos of Sydney taken. Blake asked if Griffin could see us. I said "Yes", he said " I wish I could see him", I said "I wish I could see him too." Blake thought for a minute and said" I know, we need to eat like a million carrots, then we can see Griffin." I thought this was so cute! He then said "cause carrots make you see really far." I love how his mind works, he is so very smart, and I love how he continues to talk about his brother. Another cute thing he said was " I'm going to ask Santa for Christmas, for $300,050 that way it wont cost us any money!"
Now for the rough stuff, the day Sydney was born, I got a call from my mom saying her cancer had progress and she was infact terminal. The doctor thought she might have 3 to 6 months. My mom has been battling cervical cancer for the last 3 years. I felt helpless,I wanted to see my mom but I stuck in the hospital for 5 days because of my c-section, and my mother fighting for her life in the hospital back in LA.
My mom was not doing well, she was having a lot of pain and bleeding issues. The reports I was getting from her made me scared that she wouldn't have 3 to 6 months. Fortunately, my Grandparents (my dad's parents) flew my family out to California to see my mom. So, we traveled with a 10 day old baby. My mom was sent home from the hospital on hospice, 2 weeks ago today. I was so grateful to be able to see her, and to have Sydney meet her grandma. Our timing, was perfect, my mom had bouts of energy, was able to hold Sydney, and talked with us for days. We were able to laugh and cry together. My mom was thrilled the Sydney is a pisces like her. My mom videoed messages for the all the grandchildren (even the future kids). We spent good quality time. Needless to say, it was emotionally draining. So difficult to believe that just over a year ago, we lost Griffin, and now, I was losing my mom. How unfair.
Things progressed rapidly with my mom. 1 week ago was the last time I spoke with her. She called me early in the morning, saying she was ready to go to Heaven, and wanted me to call my sisters and us to come over. We hurried up to my mom's house and sat with her. As ready as we'd ever be for her to make her journey to Heaven. She hasn't left yet, so some reason, she is still hanging on. My mom has such a strong will! Since last friday or maybe saturday, she has been completely unresponsive. She doesn't wake up any more, her heart rate, and blood pressure are still doing great. She has been having breating issues, we (including the hospice nurse) were certain, she would die last week.
Yesterday, was my mom's 53rd birthday. Maybe she was hanging on for her birthday. I'm not sure. My sisters were up at her house yesterday, and nothing has changed. Her vitals are still good, she is still completely unresponsive, but still hanging on. We have all assured her, that we will miss her, but we will be okay! I hope she has peace, and that God takes her soon. It is so very difficult to watch her in the condition she is in.
I love my mom so very much. I am going to miss her so very much. Atleast she'll be with Griffin. I am sure Griffin will be at Heaven's gate waiting for his grandma, asking her what took her so long.
-Monique
Tuesday, February 28, 2006 4:44 PM CST
Sydney is doing great! She had a doctor's appointment yesterday. She is already started to gain back weight. She was born weighing 9 lbs 4 oz, and left the hospital on friday weighing 8 lbs 8 oz. Yesterday at 1 week old, she was up to 8 lbs 10 oz.
I had my follow up appointment yesterday also, and my incision is healing nicely, and I am doing well.
Right now, life is crazy, there is a lot of stuff going on. Barry, Blake, Sydney and I are all okay. Out of respect for my mom's privacy, I wont get into the details, but please keep my mom in your prayers. She could really use the prayers right now.
I will update more, once I am able to.
-Monique
Saturday, February 25, 2006 8:32 AM CST
Home from the hospital!!
We came home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. I am so very happy to be home. And Aunt Sara is here visting, needless to say Blake is Thrilled to have his Aunt here.
The deliver went great! I was very nervous, but everything went so smooth. It was obvious that Griffin was watching out for his little sister, and taking care of his mom.
Sydney is wonderful! She is such a sweet baby. Blake is such a proud big brother, he constantly wants to kiss and hug her, and get a picture taken with her.
I updated new photos on the photo page.
Thanks for all the notes on the site. It means a lot to me.
Love, Monique
Monday, February 20, 2006 8:47 PM CST
Sydney Paige!!
She was born at 12:51 pm, weighing 9 pounds 4 ounces, 21 inches long! The c-section went smoothly, Monique is feeling good, and Sydney is big and healthy. She definitely resembles her brothers. Barry will post pictures when he gets back home later tonight.
Friday, February 17, 2006 6:30 PM CST
No baby yet!
Just wanted to let everyone know, unless my water breaks early, which probably won't happen, Sydney is scheduled to come Monday Feb 20th.
We will go to the hospital Monday morning at 10:00 am for a 12:00 pm C-Section. We will be at The Medical Center of Plano 3901 West 15th Street, Plano, TX 75075. There phone number is (972) 596-6800.
We will be at the hospital until either Thursday or Friday.
We are all very excited, and can't wait for Sydney to get here.
Love, Monique
Monday, February 13, 2006 10:16 AM CST
7 days left till Sydney comes!! We are all very excited. I am so ready for her to be here. I am hopeful that my water could break and she could come earlier, but if not, it is only 7 days away.
Blake starts soccer practice this week, and his games start either this sat or next sat. His team is the Bears, and they have navy uniforms.
Not much else is going on, just trying to get throught the next week. Originally my plan was to work until Friday, but I don't think that is going to happen. It was hard to get up this morning, and I am getting tired and more uncomfortable. I am hoping to make it Mon, tues and Wednesday. And take Thursday and Friday off.
I probably won't update again until after Sydney comes. I'll have my sister Rox put up some pictures of her, and give you all the update on monday night sometime.
Love, Monique
Monday, February 6, 2006 9:18 AM CST
Only 14 days and baby Sydney will be here! We are all very excited. My sister Rox, is flying in for her delivery. Blake is extra excited to see Aunt Rox. And my sister Sara, should be in a couple days after she is born. Blake is very excited to see Aunt Sara too.
I have updated the pictures with a picture of Sydney's room. I promise to take more, and put up some better ones this week. We have her room almost finished, I am very excited about that.
Her name will be Sydney Paige Yarbrough. Paige after Griffin's dear friend Paige Peterson. And Sydney, because for those of you who knew Griffin well, the last year of Griff's life he was really into SPY stuff, he loved the whole secret agent thing, loved all his spy gear, and we thought as a tribute to Griff, he would love if his sisters intials spelt "SPY". Also, we just love the name Sydney!
Blake is getting very excited to meet his new sister. He was a big help last night, with all her "pink" laundry.
That's about it. I am still working, and trying to last up until the 17th! Unless my water breaks early. Sydney should be born on Monday Feb. 20th, sometime after 12:00. I will have Rox upload pictures sometime on the 20th, so make sure to check out the site.
Love, Mo
Sunday, January 29, 2006 8:06 AM CST
I appologize for not updated very often. To be completely honest I still come to this site all the time, I start writting, a lot of times start crying, or am not able to figure out what to say, so I just close my journal and don't update.
We are doing pretty well. Blake is getting so big, I updated the picture section with some recent pictures of him. Recently he loves to write, and is constantly asking how to spell words. He has done so well in school and is very excited to be a big brother. I recently signed him up for soccer, he is very excited. It starts the week the baby is born, so it might be kinda interesting getting him to practices and games, but we will work it out.
I've been working alot recently, which has been good for me. Somehow staying busy helps me. My emotions are so scattered right now. I realize the whole pregnancy hormonal thing doesn't help. But grief is so difficult, and just when you think you are coping ok, it sneaks up on you. I miss Griffin so very much, and it has been so hard to go on with out him. But, we do it, and we are finding happiness in Blake and this upcoming baby. There is however this underlying sadness, this hole that will forever be in my heart. In dealing with Griffin's cancer for 4 1/2 years, we had changed everything about our lives, we appreciated every second we had with Griff, we made the most out of our situation, saw the goodness in the people around us, realized what was truley important and mattered. We changed for the better, we are better people because of our experience.
I think the hardest thing right now, is that as time goes on, memories fade a little, yes, we have video and pictures, and I have written down experiences and silly things Griff would say, but with no new memories, I try desperately to hang on to as many of the old ones as I can. But they fade, and my fear is that as time continues to go on, the memories will fade more and more. Also, it is strange, to think that we now know so many people who never met Griffin and sadly many people who knew Griffin have dropped out of our lives. As these new people come in and the old people move on and leave our lives, it's like losing another part of Griffin. It is hard. I long to hang on to these relationships, and help keep Griffin's memories alive. Really, I'm okay, I just needed to get some of these feeling out. Thanks for listening.
The baby's room is coming along. I promise pictures soon, I was hoping to get them done this weekend, but it will probably not be until next weekend.
Thanks for checking in on us, thanks for loving and caring about you. We love you too.
Monique
Monday, January 16, 2006 9:27 AM CST
We are in full Baby count down mode! Only 5 weeks left and she will be here!! We are getting really excited.
In the past 2 weekends I have had 2 wonderful baby shower's. We are so incredibly blessed with such amazing friends and family!! I am so gratful to have you all in our lives!
Things are really coming together, and we have most of the things we need for the baby.
Blake moved into Griffin's room (The big Brother room) and the baby will be in Blake's room. We rearranged some of Griffin's furniture, so it wouldn't look exactly the same, Blake was so excited to move into Griffin's room. At first it was pretty hard, but I am sure Griff is happy it is Blake that has his room. I kept alot of Griffin's things in the room for Blake to have, as Griffin had requested that Blake get his toys (except his yugioh cards!). I also packed up certain things (this was so very hard) that I wanted to keep forever, and wouldn't be able to handle if they got broken, like the swords Griffin, Leo and Russell were sword fighting with his last week at the hospital and his power rangers from when he was 2 (stuff like that).
My goal is work on the baby's room this weekend, we have her crib, but need to set it up, also I have to go through ALL Blake's toys that are still in her room.
Not much else is going on. Just working and anxiously waiting for the next 5 weeks to go by.
Thanks for continuing to check in on our family. We love you all. Monique
Friday, January 6, 2006 4:05 PM CST
Well we made it through this week, and the 1 year anniversary of Griffin's death. The last couple weeks have been really difficult, I was really dreading the 4th of Jan. But to be honest the day wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Of course I miss Griffin, but the days leading up to the 4th were actually more difficult for me than the acutal anniversary of his death. I guess partly, because on the 4th of last year, Griffin was at peace, and as hard as it was to say goodbye to him, both Barry and I were at peace with the fact he was going to heaven and would no longer be suffering anymore. I guess we had to get to that point, I know that Griffin's body could no longer fight this horrible disease. Anyways, I am glad this week is over. We ended up spending the 4th as a family, planing Mario Party (one of Griff's favorite games, getting a red "happy heaven" cake, just like last year, and sending red balloons up to heaven. Blake is really growing up, and it was wonderful to see him write on his balloon "i love you Griffin!" we videoed the balloon send off, if I can get Barry to attach it to this site it will.
So life continues to go on and Griffin will forever be a part of our hearts and family. Thanks to everyone for your guestbook entries, and for sending red balloons!! I can't begin to express how much they mean to me.
We are anxiously getting ready for the arrival of our baby girl. I am scheduled for a c-section on Feb 20th! So as long as my water doesn't break before hand, She will be here in a little over 6 weeks. We just got her crib the other day, and we are having baby showers soon! I am excited, Barry and Blake are excited and I am sure Griffin is excited for us.
That's about it for now.
Thanks for everything!
Monique
Tuesday, January 3, 2006 4:04 PM CST
Well, in almost 12 hours, at 4:32 am Jan 4th, Griffin will have been in heaven for 1 year. It is so hard to believe that a year as pasted. Please, if you get an opportunity, send some Red Balloons for Griffin tomorrow! It would mean alot to me, Barry and Blake.
Looking back at the last year, it has been so difficult, an emotional rollercoaster, somedays I am able to be greatful that Griffin is not suffering anymore, that he is in a better place, other days, I am so consumed with grief, I wish he was back here with us. Those days, I'd take back being at the hospital, I'd take it all back. For the most part, even at the hospital Griffin had a great time in his 4 1/2 years of battling Neuroblastoma. I miss my boy, and I'd do anything to have him back.. Then reality sinks in, and I know that isn't possible. and even if it was, I'd never do it again, if I had to say Good bye all over again. Because, letting him go and living life without him has been so very hard.
There are so many things that I miss. We are learing to live life with out him, and for the most part we are doing well. We will keep Griffin's memories alive and he will always be a part of our family. For, Griffin had such a wonderful life, and I am so very gratful for that.
I guess I am looking forward to 2006, it's got to be better than last year. Right? In 2005 we had to go through so many "firsts" with out Griffin. Easter, his birthday, etc... so maybe somehow, this next year will be easier. I have heard from many mother's that the 2nd year with out their child is harder than the first, as the "numbness is gone". We will see how our year goes.
Thanks for continuing to check in on my family, thanks for loving and remembering Griffin.
Love, Monique
Thursday, December 29, 2005 10:20 AM CST
Well, we survived our first Christmas with out Griffin. Yes, it was beyond difficult, but we got through it, and Blake enjoyed himself. We spent Christmas Eve at our friends Ken and Lori, and had a wonderful time. Christmas day was so very hard, it was so hard not having Griffin there to open presents and check out what Santa brought. Blake loved his gifts and had a good time. That afternoon we spent the day at Marni's mom's house with their family. It was wonderful spending the day with them.
The 26th, hit me really hard, with the realization that a year ago that night was the last time Griffin spent the night at our house, the last time he slept in bed with us, the last time I had both my boys in the same house. I was a disaster, and emotional wreck, but I got through it.
The 27th was hard, as it was the day we brought Griffin to the hospital, and had to tell him he was "probably going to die". I can clearly remember his inital reaction to the news. Asking if we could go to a different hospital.. If only it had been that easy, if only that was an option. I told him "no" that the doctors had done everything they could and that his cancer was just too bad. Amazingly, (actually not, we are talking about Griffin) within minutes he had excepted his fate. He made a request of his favorite Texas Clinic nurse Brad, He said Brad, when I die, make sure to tell other kids about a boy name Griffin, who was so strong and brave, and liked to help with his port.
We proceeded to call friends and family members and let then know that Griffin's time would soon be ending.
The 29th (a year ago today) marked a special day in Griffin's life, as his friend Leo flew from LA to Dallas to spend a couple hours with him. I was blown away by the commitment Leo showed Griffin. He was such an incredible friend to not only my son but to me. Griffin was thrilled to see Leo. The played at the hospital, and then Griffin got bored, He want to play video games, and asked Leo if he could go shopping. The hospital let us go to toysrus, this was Griffin's last trip out the the hospital. Every kids dream, an unlimited shopping trip to toys r us, and let me just say that Griffin and Leo shopped!! They picked out tons of video games, toys, swords, and blasters. Griffin despite not feeling too well had the time of his life, and I was just so eternally grateful that Leo would take the time out for my son. When we got back to the hospital, Leo, Griffin and Russell (who had just gotten back from Japan) sword fighted for hours (I am very fortunate to have this on video) This was a such a great day for Griffin. In addition, my best friend Shelley came from LA, and Teacher Joanie came too!!!
I am trying so hard not to relive all the pain from this week, but the memories keep flooding my head, especially when, I'm not expecting them. It is just so very hard to belive that 1 year has passed since his final week.
I miss him with all heart. My heart will forever be broken.
Friday, December 23, 2005 10:43 AM CST
I can't believe it is almost Christmas..
I remember last year so vividly. My emotions are so raw, I've been crying often, and on the verge of tears pretty much all day. I'm sure these pregnancy hormones aren't helping!! It's just I miss Griffin so very much. You know, until he was born, I didnt' realize how much you could truely love somebody. My life changed for ever the day he was born. And, not having him here, and knowing that we have survived almost a year with out him, is just so very difficult.
Last year, despite his pain, Griffin was so excited about Christmas, and his excited radiated the entire room.
I believe it was a year ago today, maybe a year ago yesterday, when Griffin's dream of being a Dallas Police officer came true, thanks to our good friend, Dane White.
Griffin's day as a police officer was absoutely amazing, I wish I had been there with him. Barry was, and I am greatful, he was able to share in Griffin's joy and excitement that day, as in the past, I was the one who got to do so many of the fun special things with Griff. Fortunately we have the day on tape, and many of you may have seen clips from the news story the ran shortly after Griffin passed away. I know that this day was one of the greatest days in Griffin's life!!
Looking back at Griffin's life, I have to say, his life was truely incredible, just like he was, he embraced everyday and lived life to the fullest, he experienced so many great things, and I am so very greatful for that. I am greatful for everyone who was in his life, and everyone who has stayed by our side throughout this difficult year with out him.
I know tomorrow and Sunday will be hard. I am sure I will have many tears shed, but we will get through the days. We will enjoy Blake and remember Griffin.
Hope Everyone has a wonderful Christmas!
Love, Monique
PS: We got another incredible gift in the mail. I have to take a picture. My Aunt Nan, Uncle Bob, Lucas and Koa, had soda bottles personalized with a picture of Griffin and Blake making silly faces! They are so awesome, I had no idea you could do that. And yes, of course the soda is red. You can go to myjones.com for more information on personalized soda bottles.
Monday, December 19, 2005 2:39 PM CST
I realize that I am way over due for an update, and I appologize. I have come to this site on several occasions, started writing, then crying, then just quiting.
It is just so difficult to believe that Griffin is not here to celebrate Christmas with us. For Christmas was his favorite time of the year.
Overall, we are doing well. We are getting through. Having our grief group has really helped me. We had two different holiday events, which really helped me.
My sisters did an amazing thing for us. The named a Star after Griffin. We received the certificate in the mail Saturday, and I can't begin to express how much that mean't to me. It was truely incredible.
There is not too much going on. Just wanting to get through the holidays. I know that we will, and I know that Blake will enjoy himself.. But I just can't help but miss my Griff.
Friday, November 25, 2005 4:57 PM CST
Well, we survived Thanksgiving. In fact we had a wonderful day, of course I missed Griffin, but even with that we had a great time. I am however greatful the day is over!!
We went to Barry's cousin's house in Keller, Tx, his aunt, uncle, grandparents and other cousins were there. We had a great time, there were many momments through out the day where we talked about Griffin, and when I would say, boy Griff would have loved this. Blake had a wonderful time playing with his cousins Brooke, Austin, and Elizabeth. It's so nice to have family in TX. The kids made forts in the lot next to his cousins house, Blake called it a Fantastic fort, Barry took a picture and I will try to post it soon. When I started getting sad about Griffin, my memories of last thanksgiving flooded my head, how the day before Griffin was running and jumping at the park, and on Thanksgiving of last year, his legs hurt so badly he could hardly walk. Thanksgiving was when Griff's cancer got so bad, his pain was unbearable, both he and I were desperate to try radiation for some relief. Anyways, remembering how sick Griff got, helped me get through the day, by knowing he truely IS in a better place, and I am so grateful he is not in pain anymore.
This week has been very difficult, as Griffin's good friend Courtney passed away on the 20th. Courtney played such an important part in helping prepare Griffin for his trip to Heaven. She was in the hospital the week Griffin died and was with Griffin every day, sitting in his bed talking to him about God and Heaven. Griff made Court promise she would marry him when she got to heaven, and that they would live on a farm, with tons of animals, including 1 cow that made chocolate milk. I am so deeply saddened by Courtney's death, it takes me back to those first raw emotions when Griffin died, and those feeling are so horrible, I can't begin to describe. Barry and I attending Courtney's service, and it was absoultley beautiful, what a remarkable young women, she was truely amazing, and will be missed by so many. I do however know that Griffin was thrilled to see her again! I am glad they are together, and I hope that have tons of fun on the farm.
That's about it for now. Emotionally, this week has been exhausting, but we are hanging in there.
Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.
Love, Monique
Monday, November 14, 2005 8:54 AM CST
I can't believe it is already the middle of November, as the holiday's approach, I'm not quite sure how I'll get through with out Griffin. But somehow, just like all the other days we have gotten through, I know we'll get through this too.
It was shortly after this time last year, when things went horribly wrong for Griffin, yes we knew his time was limited, just not that it was going to be so immediately felt prior too, and after the holidays. Deep down, we knew it would be Griffin's last Christmas, yet we weren't ready for all the pain he endured and for the fact he would lose his life so shortly after Christmas.
To me Thanksgiving is a time for looking back and giving thanks for what we have. This year, I look at although I miss my son terribly, I am still so grateful for so many things, I am grateful that my sisters, parents, friends were able to be here with Griffin during his final week. I am grateful for Marni and Dane White,to the Dallas police department for granting Griffin's wish to become a Police Officer. I am grateful for the time Griffin was able to spend with Courtney. I am grateful for everyone who sent YUGIOH Cards and helped make Griffin's Christmas so very special. I am grateful for Zoe, and the love she brought Griffin and continues to bring Blake. I am grateful for Griffin's wisdom beyond his years, and his ability to accept his fate. I am grateful for Griffin's giving nature, as he helped prepare US for his death, by calling friends and family to say goodbye, and by making video clips, with his sweet voice, to forever preserve his love to us. It was truely an amazing process, one of which, as difficult as that last week was, I would not trade one second of it. I am grateful for the bond my boys shared, for the love Blake and Griffin had was so very strong. I am grateful that Blake still talks about Griffin on a daily basis, that he helps Barry and I keep Griffin's memories alive. I am grateful for the relationships I have developed with new friends from my grief group, and for the relationship with my friends who have been there through it all. I am grateful for Barry, as I wouldn't be able to get through this with out him. I am greatful for the joy that Blake gives me. I am grateful for my entire family, my friends in California, and Texas, and everyone who reads this website. I truly am blessed to have so many incredible people in my life. And, I am grateful for this new baby girl! I hope that she will grow up knowing the memories of her brother. I have so much more that I am thankful for, I could go on listing all day, please know that even if I haven't mentioned it, I am grateful for so very many things!! and I truely appreciate each and every person in my life!!
Even though, I lost my son, and I miss him more than words could ever explain, I realize, how truely lucky I am! As, the holidays come closer you might need to REMIND me of this, as the grief will probably consume every other thought!
I learned so very much from my 6 1/2 year old son, the most important Lesson, was that regardless of what life may bring, and what situations we are faced with, we can always find something to be grateful about! Because the reality is we are all very Lucky.. So please as this holiday season approaches, think like Griffin, remember all the things you can say "Atleast" about. If Griffin could find them any one can.....
Love, Monique
Sunday , November 6, 2005 8:38 AM CST
Some how, life continues to go on with out Griffin. I realize the other day that it had been 10 months since Griffin went to heaven!! 10 months since we last saw him, that was a hard realization for me. I miss him so much, he is still and always will be such an important part of our family and our daily conversations! !!!!!!IT'S A GIRL!!!!
Yesterday, the Children's Hospital here in Dallas, they had a Remberance Ceremony, for the families who had lost Children to Cancer. I knew I wanted to go, but I also knew how difficult it would be to go. I was full of anxiety, crying before we left, but we went, I knew by far, it wouldn't be the hardest thing I have ever done! We pulled up at the hospital Blake, Barry and I, and it was the first time the 3 of us had been back as a family with out Griffin. It was hard, but Blake made it easier, he was so excited to go back to the hospital. He has such good memories of being there. He loved playing there with his brother! So, we went, and it was nice, yes, at times it was hard, but I think in grief, you have to allow yourself to feel the pain, to experience things you know are going to hurt, but afterwards, after the tears, I was glad that we went. It was nice to see some of the nurses, especially Stacy, Griffin's favorite in-patient Texas Nurse.
Thanks for listening. Not much else is happening, I am enjoying NOT working this weekend. We probably going to take Blake to Chicken Little today.
Love, Monique
I had a sonogram yesterday, and the doctor confirmed 99.9hat the Baby is a Girl! We are so excited, Barry has been saying since we first found out that I was pregnant that it was a girl, and back in July, when we were in California at the Beach house, Oscar's sister, did some trick with a piece of my hair, and my wedding ring, and determined that the baby would be a girl. Blake is very excited to have a baby sister! And I know Griffin would be too. He always said, that he wanted a sister that lived at his house, he loved Jordan (Barry's daughter from his first marriage) but was always said that he hated that Jordan didn't live in the same house as him, and he wanted a sister that did.
We are pretty sure on her name, but I want to make sure, before I announce that. Her middle name will definately be Paige, after Griffin's good friend Paige Peterson, who passed away with Neuroblastoma a year ago Nov 8th.
I'm excited to go shopping and buy some PINK things!
Not much else going on, we survived Halloween, I think I started crying 40-50 times that day, it was difficult, but we made it through.
Blake had trick-or-treating at school, then went to Barry's work for trick-or-treating, then went trick-or-treating at night. He had a great time, which is all that matters to me.
Thanks to everyone who still reads this site, and for your messages, they really touch my heart, and it is so wonderful to hear that Griffin is still in people hearts.
Love-Monique
Monday, October 31, 2005 8:26 AM CST
Happy Halloween!
Well, I am not quite sure how I am going to get through today, I know I will, but I can't hold back the tears.
Griffin loved Halloween, LOVED It!! He loved to dress up in costumes, all the time, not just Halloween, and loved pretending to FIGHT the BAD GUYS!
Griffin was diagnosed with Cancer shortly after Halloween when he was 2. We were inpatient in the hospital on Halloween, Griffin was going to be Winnie the Pooh, but he had an IV in his hand and his costume didn't really work with being in the hospital, instead, we found some Doctor's scrubs in the Hosptial Gift shop and that is what Griffin ended up being. It was then that we met Griffin's best friend Ryan, and cute little Meghan in her leopard costume. This will be the first Halloween, that Griffin, Meghan and Ryan will be together since they were all 2. Together in Heaven, along with Paige, and countless others.
We had spent the last 5 years at the Hospital for Halloween. They always had elabrate trick or treating on the ground floor. I'm talking with huge toys and candy. Griffin Loved going! and Blake Loved it too. One year both boys got big firetrucks that make noise, and always lots of fun stuff. My mom was always with us on Halloween too.
Last Halloween, we were back in LA, visting friends and family, and yes, back at Children's Hospital Los Angeles, Griffin was up in clinic getting platelet and blood transfusions. Yet, even though we were at the hospital, we had a wonderful time!! Griffin dressed up like a ninja, orginally he was going to be batman, but the costume was itchy and he didnt' like it. He loved his ninja costume, the whole fighting the bad guys. We went and saw Paige, and went down to the basement to trick or treat. We went to the Learning Place, Griffin's old preschool, for their Halloween party, and went to the Rodriguez's for Trick or Treating!! Griffin had a blast, in fact it was the first time he was actually able to go out trick or treating on Halloween night!! The previous year, it was raining and we were packing to leave on the Disney Cruise (Griffin's make a wish) at 6:00 am. All the years prior, Griffin was actually inpatient in the hospital for Halloween.
Looking back at Griffin's life, I am so grateful for so many things, and I am grateful for last Halloween night, that he was able to be a regular kid and have an awesome night.
This year, I know Blake will have a great time. I know we will enjoy tonight with Blake, but it is so hard to have Griffin missing for this wonderful night.
Hope everyone enjoys this Halloween with their kids.
Monique
Wednesday Oct 12th 2005
Update: Not a whole lot going on. I have been really busy with work, and have to work mandatory overtime this weekend. Not looking too forward to it, but the extra money will be nice, considering Christmas is just around the corner. I have been having such a difficult time even thinking about the holidays, it just doesn't seem right to not have Griffin here. He loved Halloween, and Christmas so much. The week before he passed away, he was very concerned that Santa wouldn't visit him in Heaven. We assured him, that Santa visits Heaven first, and that he wouldn't need anything in Heaven. It's so over whelming to think that he has been gone so long, and yet we have only just begon this journey of living life with out him, not quite sure how we'll get through, but I know we will. I have been crying alot recently and not just little tears, hysterically. The hurt is so just bad.
I find my self going back to last year, going through the final months and the fun we all had. Remembering the flight back to LA, knowing realistically it would probably be the last time Griffin would fly to LA to see everyone one, yet still hopeful that we could have more time with him. We knew it would probably be Griffin's last Christmas, but we were not prepared for how quickly after Christmas we would lose him.
We went to our Grief group last night. I am so greatful for all the people there, it is the only place where I really feel I fit in, with these other mother's who have lost a child. Blake loves going and spending time with his friends Clara and Conner! The kids made pillows with one side a picture they drew and the other side was fabric from their siblings clothes. We picked a pair of Griffin's camo pj's as the back side, I instantly cried when I saw the pillow. It was so good for Blake to have, yet so hard to think that was Griffin's clothes.
Anyways, we are all good. Last night our Trouble Maker Zoe actually ate Blake's homework and folder. Pretty sad my 4 year old can use the excuse my dog ate my homework, and really mean it!! In Zoe's defense, it was my fault, I left the folder on the kitchen table, and she didn't truely eat it, just took several bites out of the top.
-Monique
BIG NEWS!!!!
I have been keeping a huge secret from the faithful readers of this website. I'm PREGNANT! Yep, almost 19 weeks. I would have shared this news sooner, but, I wanted to make sure that all my tests came back okay and that the Baby was healthy!! Life, is so different now, having lost Griff, our innocence has been lost, and we realize how fragile life can be, and have witnessed that there are no guarantees! And that is exactly why I waited, I just couldn't bare the thought of having something wrong with our new little one. Good news is Everything looks wonderful!!! Of course, I am still a little paranoid, as Griffin was great until he was two, but the worry is something I'll get through.
We are thrilled! Blake is excited! It is such a bittersweet thing for me. I can't believe we are having a BABY, and I can't believe our baby won't physically know their big brother Griffin!! That is hard for me, but I know that Griffin would want us to move on and I know that Griffin is thrilled for us. In fact, a couple days before Griffin passed away, he asked his dad if Blake would ever have a baby brother or sister. I have had a couple people tell me that they believe that Griffin got to pick the baby in Heaven, I hope so!!
On my last sonogram the doctor was pretty sure the sex of the baby but not positive. So, I will wait until we have the next one to be sure before I let everyone know. Doesn't matter to me, as long as it is healthy.
So hard to believe that it has been 9 months since Griffin has been gone. In many ways it feels like an eternity, others just like yesterday. I miss him so very much, there is this emptyness in my heart that will never be healed.
This last weekend I was looking for something in a drawer and found some of Griffin's art work, finding it, hit me like a ton of bricks! The grief is so overwhelming sometimes, and it is so hard to explain how difficult it is to lose a child. I have come to the conclusion that it SUCKS, plain and simple it SUCKS!
Blake helps keep Griffin alive, and that is so precious to me. Just the other day in the car, he was singing a song, and he said, "Griffin do you hear that, I'm signing to you" also this weekend, we ate at a restraunt and Blake got a balloon, he immediately had to run out side and send the balloon up to Heaven to Griff.
I have been asked what Blake is going to be for Halloween, and he is going to be a Prince, Prince Phillip (from sleeping beauty to be exact) he is going to have Zoe (our dog) dress up like a dragon. Should be really cute. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures.
Love and Hugs to ALL,
Monique
Wednesday, September 21, 2005 4:48 PM CDT
Not a whole lot going on. Just busy adjusting to life as a working mom. I have really been enjoying being back at work. Work has been going really well, I have caught on really quickly and my boss seems to be pretty impressed with me :)
Blake is really enjoying school. It is so wonderful to see him growing up! He still talks about Griffin a ton, we all do and I am so grateful for that. As Griffin will always be an important part of our family. It is still so very hard to believe that he has been gone for so long. Last year at this time, we were getting ready for a trip to LA. I was nervous about Griffin's cancer, but he was still feeling good and thoroughly enjoying life. Many days, I wish I could go back and relive some of those wonderful days, however if I had to say goodbye to him again, I wouldn't be able to.
Anyways, we had a really busy weekend last weekend, so this weekend we are planing on taking it easy. We will go see the CORPSE BRIDE!! but besides that probably just hang out.
Love to everyone.
Monique
Tuesday, September 13, 2005 9:03 AM CDT
My friend Candi found a hurricane family, thru her daughters elementary school that has a kindergarten boy. Besides having a kindergarten boy, they have a 1st grade girl, 3 grade girl, 3 year old girl and 2 month old girl. We went over to their house last night, and brought bags of Griffin and Blake's things. The kids were thrilled, and it was so wonderful to see the little boy grabbing for Griffin's toys. I had clothes, toys, comforters, blankets and misc. stuff. The moment was really bittersweet for me. Obviously, I was thrilled to be helping this wonderful family who had lost everything in the hurricane, yet, I was overcome by saddness as the realization that Griffin would no longer need these things crept into my head. Yes, I've know for 8 months that he is NOT coming back to get his stuff, yet until last night, it wasn't as concrete. The sadness I felt when driving home was overwhelming, I just miss my boy so very much.
I have kept a ton of Griffin's things, stuff for Blake, and stuff for Barry and myself to keep forever. But even with keeping all that, I was still able to give this family a TON of stuff. It was nice to see the things go to good use, and felt really good to actually see the children's faces, rather then just dropping the stuff off at a shelter.
Candi has made it her mission to help this family in as many ways as possible to furnish their home and help get them the things they need to survive.
I realize that many of you many have already donated items, but I am urging you to go through your things and see if there is anything else you could donate. This family is sleeping on the floor, and has no furniture. If you have anything you'd like to donate to this family, please email me at griffiny22@comcast.net.
Thanks. Love, Mo
Sunday, September 11, 2005 8:04 PM CDT
Blake had another great week at school. He loves his class and teacher. It is so good to see him so excited to tell us all about his day. He has also started taking an gymnastics/dance class at his school on Fridays. He just had his first class and seemed to like it okay, I am hopeful that he will really enjoy it as it is great for him to take an extra class at school rather then have to go to gymnastics at nights or on the weekend.
Not to much is going on. We are hanging in there, and getting adjusted to our new schedule. It feels good to be working again. So far I am enjoying my job, and my boss told me on Friday that she is appreciates me and my work. :)
We have our Journey of Hope grief group on Tuesday, we haven't had a meeting in 3 weeks, so I am really looking forward to going. I seem to get so much out of the group,and Blake has met 2 friends that he really really like. And it is so good for Blake to be able to talk about Griffin to other kids who also have a sibling in Heaven.
Oh, yeah, it is Zoe (our french bulldogs) 1st birthday on Thursday. Blake is so excited, he loves that dog so much. He wants me to take him to Target to get a crown for Zoe and make a cake and get her some Pink clothes. I promise what ever we do, I will take lots of pictures.
That's about it for now. Thanks for all your guestbook entries, they mean the world to me.
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
Yesterday my friend Candi and I went and volunteered at a hurricane shelter in McKinney. I have to say, it was such a rewarding experience, to actually be able to help people. There was probably 150 people at the church who were going to be moving shelters to the walmart in McKinney. The Walmart has said they can house 500 people. Candi and I helped pack up peoples beds and belongings, and passed out clean sheets. It was an amazing experience, and really puts my life into perspective. Yes, I am horribily sad that I lost Griffin, but I am so fortunate to have everything that I have. For there are many many hurricane victims who have lost all their possessions and lost family members.
There were many kids at the shelter, I am hoping to find a little boy, around Griffin's age that I can donate some of Griffin's things too. I'm sure that is what Griffin would want. Except for his Yugioh cards and Swords (which I will always keep).
---
Sunday, September 4, 2005 1:47 PM CDT
I can't stop thinking about all the hurricane victims, it makes me so very sad.
I've wanted to help, but don't have extra money, so today, I decided to go through Griffin's room (obviously we are saving a lot) but honestly we have collected many bags of stuff to donate to the hurricane victims. I had been dreading going through his room, and looking through his things, but Barry helped me, and we did it.
It was difficult going through Griff's stuff, but it felt good to have a mission, to have a purpose and so many children who have nothing. I am sure Griffin would be proud of us for donating some of his things.
Also, Blake has grown out of a ton of his clothes. We were planing on having a garage sale as we have so much stuff we are not using, and I am so greatful that we haven't gotten rid of our stuff yet.
When we are finished, we'll have about 10 huge bags of clothes, blanket, toys, shoes and stuff people need.
The futher the day goes by, the sadder I get. Today, has been so difficult for me, not just going through Griffin's things, but the realization that today is the "4th", which marks another month has passed since Griffin passed away. Sometimes, I think I pretend that every thing is okay. And really it is NOT. I miss Griffin, I can't believe it has been 8 long months since I kissed him, held his hand or heard his laugh. 8 months is a long time, and it just sucks.
Anyways, that is about all I have to say.
-Monique
Friday, September 2, 2005 8:58 AM CDT
Sorry it's taken me all week to update.
I started working on Tuesday! So far things are going pretty well. The most important thing is that Blake is loving school! Loving it! It means the world to me to pick him up and hear all about his day. I have noticed too, that he is really interested in learning. He has homework every night, and when doing it, he wants to learnn other letters, and practice writting things. Last night we had to go through the house and find household objects that were certain shapes for him to bring into show and tell. We found all the shapes we needed, but a diamond. For the life of me, I couldn't find anything that was a diamond, I thought kite, but we didn't have one. Anyways, we found a puzzle piece that was a diamond! SO he got all the extra shapes and well as required shapes.
Today, Blake has swimming at school. He is really excited.
It feels strange to work. I haven't worked in 2 years, since we found out Griffin's cancer had come back and he needed brain surgery. Even back then when I was working, everyday, I had this fear, that I would get a call, that Griffin would have a fever and we would have to rush to the hospital. Now, I have no fears...It's a very different reality. Something, I haven't experienced in 4 1/2 years.. We were constantly afraid for Griffin's life, wondering what would happen and how long he would have. I have to say that for the most part, we did well dealing with the fear, Not letting it consume us, but it was always present. Now, instead of fear it has been replace by sadness from the loss of losing Griffin. I can't even begin to explain how difficult everyday is, but some how we have the strength to more forward, just as we did when we were going through treatment. I don't know if people really realize how truly lucky they are to have healthy children. So please, hug your kids extra tight, and make sure to take lots of pictures, for all we have left of Griffin is pictures, and memories. Even if you hate having your picture taken, (like me) do it anyways, I promise years from now, you'll be happy to have them, and your kids will be happy to have them too.
I feel like things are falling into place for us. It is great, but so hard to not have Griffin here with us to share in our happiness. I miss him so much.
Not quite sure what we are doing for this weekend. Hopefully something fun, that doesn't require too much driving.
Hope everyone has a great labor day.
-Monique
Monday, August 29, 2005 10:39 AM CDT
Blake had his first day of Pre-K on Friday! He had a blast. His new teacher, Miss Jennifer, is one of the mom's of a boy in Griffin's cub scouts. I can't begin to express how excited I am about this. I think it is absoutley wonderful that Blake's teacher knew Griffin. Griffin is still such a big part of Blake's life, Blake talks about Griffin everyday, and for him to have a teacher who knew Griff is just amazing! What a small world huh. I am really impressed with Blake's new school. They have music class, spanish class, and stretch and grow class (P.E.), in addition the school has an indoor pool and they do swimming on Friday.
His class has 10 boys including him and 2 girls.
I am still waiting for my background check to go through so I can begin working. Hopefully it will be back before Wed, and I will begin my new job. I am excited to get back to work.
We had a very busy weekend. Blake went to two parties on Saturday. One at his new friend Clara's house, for her brother's first birthday. Clara is Blake's friend from Journey of Hope (our Grief Group, that we go to every other Tuesday).
Yesterday, we had a Camp Sol picnic (Camp Sol, is the grief camp we went to last spring) they have functions a couple times a year. The Camp Sol picnic was wonderful. It was so great to see the childlife specialist, playrooom volunteers, and nurses from the hospital. We also saw Griffin's hospice nurse, who I love. I miss so many of these people, not seeing them on a regular basis like we use to is hard. So, I was greatful to see them yesterday. Anyways, we had lunch and broke up into Groups. The kids went with kids their age, and the adults went with different adults. It's overwhelming, if you stop to think that all the families there have lost a child. Sometimes, it's easy to feel isolated, that we are alone in this journey called grief, yet at functions like this, we are reminded that death happens, and unfortuantely, it effects many families. There are not many functions or groups out there were "we" can instantly connect with "normal" families. For me, I find it difficult to relate to regular families. But with this group of people, you istantly connect with a bond so strong, and I am so greatful for the opportunity to be surrounded by people who TRuely know the walk we are walking. It's good to be surrounded by these people in their various stages of grief. Many whom have been dealing with grief for years and others like us who are just begining. Anyways, CAMP SOL is an amazing thing.
Not much else going on. I have been missing Griffin so much recently. It is still so hard to believe that he is gone, and that it is almost September. Somedays it feels like he's been gone for every, others like it happened yesterday. Many days, I wish I could just see Griffin up in Heaven, and see how much he is enjoying himselves. Blake said, he wished he could look up at a cloud and see Griffin, boy do I wish I could too. Somehow, I think it wouldn't hurt so badly if we could get a glimpse of what he is dong. I've heard from other families who have lost children that sometime they dream about their kids. I am one of those, who NEVER remembers my dreams, but I am still hoping that one day I'll have an incredible dream about Griffin.
Love-Monique
Check out the new pictures of Blake.
Monday, August 22, 2005 3:26 PM CDT
Funny (not really) how grief has this way of catching you when you least expect it, when you've had a good day, have many things to be excited about, something just triggers it! and down you fall into uncontrolable tears and a broken heart.
First off, I finally got the call on the job. I should be starting next monday the 29th! I am excited. This week should be rather hectic, as I have to get Blake signed up for school and get things in place for me to start full time work. My typical wardrobe of casual clothes and FLIP-FLOPS, can't tell you when the last time I wore real shoes was, isn't really going to cut it in the professional world.
I was rumaging through my closet to get all the dry cleaning and came across Griffin's cape! He had this blue cape with a lightning bolt on it. I remember the day he got it! We were at my Grandparents house in LA Quinta visting right before Griffin's bone marrow transplant, April 2001 (Blake wasn't even born yet) my Aunt Nan and her boys were visting too. We had the best time. Griffin loved to dress up in costumes. He was thrilled to get his new cape. Oh how I miss him. Then I found a photo album and started looking through it. Somedays I can look at his picture and be okay, others i can't control my tears, and today was one of those uncontrolable days. I think sometimes we try to kid ourselves that we know Griffin is better off, that realistically his body couldn't hang on any longer, that is all true, but we kid ourselves into believing that it is OKAY that our Griff is gone. But really, it's NOT okay!
No parent should ever have to burry their child and plan their funeral. I'll get through this, I always do. People may ask how. We'll we have to! It the cards our family has been dealt. I can just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and even one minute at a time.
I'll try at look through my photos (not today) and see if I have one of Griff in his cape, and others in costumes. They are all so cute.
Thanks for listening, thanks for your guestbook entries.
Love, Mo
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 3:36 PM CDT
Not too much going on, but I wanted to update.
I am doing better. Still really sad, but hanging in there. It's just my life has changed so much since Griffin passed away, and we all know that Change can be very difficult! I knew how much I loved him, I just never imagined how intense the pain would be with him gone. Our daily lives have changed so much. No more running to the hospital (we were there 3 weeks out of every month for a long long time) then we were there twice a week every week. Not only was I Griffin's mom, but I gave him chemo at home, kept track of all his blood counts, medicines and juggled it all. Part of me wishes we were still doing that, that horrible crazy hospital life, then I look back at how sick Griffin had become, and I know that he is in a much BETTER place. I miss the companionship. Griffin was not only my son, but my friend. He was the best brother to Blake, and Blake misses him like crazy.
I applied for a job last week working at Fedex Kinkos corporate office (where Barry works, but in a different department), the interview went really well, I am waiting for a call. Patience is NOT something I am good at, so I have been pretty frustrated, but I am told that it just takes time. I really hope I get this job, I think it would be really good for me, and Great for Blake to be in Full time preschool. Barry just got a promotion and started a new job, still at Kinkos, but in a different department, with his old boss from California. I am so proud of him, even with all we have been through, he has continued to excel at work and does an amazing job!
Blakey and I are currently making Peanut Butter cookies (which happen to be Griff's favorite) except they aren't as good as the ones Uncle Jack would make for Griffin.
Blake and I have been listening to alot of music, and Blake has been dancing. He has alot of his brothers moves, and when asked were he learned how to do a move, will proudly say "My brother taught me".
That's about it. Let me close with saying a bunch of Barry's work friends went camping last weekend. We went up to the Lake for the day, and went for a ride in Nate and Evy's boat. It was awesome.
Check out the new photos of Blake!!
Love, Monique
Thursday, August 11, 2005 4:23 PM CDT
The last week has been really difficult for me. I am missing Griffin more and more each day. School started here, and it just sucks that Griffin is not here to go to school.
I use to be able to walk into Griffin's room and look around at things, but recently, I walk into his room and feel like I can't breath. The sadness just consumes me, it's horrible. I can't even begin to explain what it's like losing a child. But it's got to be the most painful thing a mother could experience. Not a momment goes by where I don't think about him. Even Blake talks about Griffin all the time. I miss Griff just coming up and hugging me, or wanting to lie down with me in my bed. I know I will get through this, but right now, it just hurts so very badly.
A couple weeks ago I got a card from the nurses and doctors at Children's Medical Center Dallas. It was acknowledging Griffy's birthday. It mean't so much to me. I really miss the doctors and nurses, but I can't bring myself to go to the hospital to visit, it just doesn't seem right.
Anyways, sorry I'm so down today. I just needed to vent. I am truely okay, just missing my boy.
Thank you everyone who still comes to this site! I really appreciate it.
-Monique
Monday, August 1, 2005 2:47 PM CDT
Yes, I know I am way over due for an update (sorry)!
We are back from LA. Our trip was good, it was wonderful spending so much time with our friends and family.
We survived Griffin's birthday. Obviously it was difficult, but it was as good as it could be. We were up at the beach house in Ventura with our good friends the Rodriguez family, we went down to Harbor where we scattered Griffin's ashes. Oscar rented a boat and took the kids out into the water, the kids sang Happy Birthday to Griffin and put red carnations in the ocean. My sisters and Teacher Joanie were with us. Rox, Russell and Simone made Griffin's favorites for dinner Chicken strips and Mac n chesse. We all wrote messages and attached them to red balloons, went down to the beach, sang happy birthday again and let them go. Back up at the house, we watched Griffin's memorial video and ate cake. I could not have gotten through this day with out my friends and family! We cried and cried, but we got through it. I miss Griffin with all my heart.
While visiting LA, I went by Children's Hospital, where we spent 4 years in and out of. It was good to see all our nurse and doctor friends. But to walk on the 4th floor and see all the families whose children are going through the stages of cancer treatment was hard. Being at the hosptial becomes such a normal thing, a new way of life, we get use to our children screaming in pain, use to them throwing up, use to getting shots, medicine, and it all becomes NORMAL. Our innocence lost as we try to get through each day without looking too far into the future. But, after being gone from the hospital for so long, I have to say, I sure don't miss that life. Don't get me wrong, I miss Griffin, and I wouldn't trade a moment of the hosptial life I spent with him, but I am just glad for him that all the pain is over. He indured way more than any adult let alone a child should ever have to. Griffy showed me that life is what you make it, he never felt sorry for himself, he walked around with his head high, that toothless Grin and positive attitude, proud to tell people his name was Griffin and he had cancer.
To be honest, I feel lucky. Lucky to have had Griffin for 6 1/2 years, like many other familes we could have lost Griffin alot sooner, but we didn't. He survived for 4 1/2 years after diagnoses and that is a long time, and for the most part, he was happy and feeling good, he enjoyed life and we enjoyed him.
That's about it for now. I have a ton of new pictures to update, it will take me a couple days.
Love, Monique
Sunday, July 3, 2005 4:03 PM CDT
10 days until Griffin's birthday. It doesn't seem possible that he is not here with us to celebrate turning 7. Oh, how excited he would have been. July 13th is going to be a really difficult day, I know we will get through it, we've gotten through 6 months without him, but it's his special day and he should be here.
I have a special request to everyone who reads this site. If you could please write a memory of Griffin down in the guest book. It doesn't have to be long, it can be as simple as something you remember him saying. I just would love to read them. So please if you can, it would mean so much to me.
One memory I wanted to share is when Griffin was 2 1/2 and he was in Bone Marrow Transplant. We were in the hospital for a total of 1 month, sometime during that month, we were trying to work on potty training with Griffin. He was getting so pumped with fluid, that he needed frequent diaper changes. Griffin loved watching Austin Powers, (in fact my mom made him and Austin powers costume) anyways we were watching the scene were Austin Powers is peeing (for those who have seen the movie he goes to the bathroom for a LONG time.) Griffin thought it was hilarious, and decided that he could pee standing up like Austin Powers! And so he did!
I have so many memories of Griffin. I hope to continue to share them with you all, and I would love to hear all your memories.
Thanks for continuing to check in on us. Love to All, Monique
Griffy-I miss you more and more each day. I wish you were here to swim with Blake. I know you'd have so much fun together. We hope you have the best birthday in Heaven, filled with Yugioh cards, say Hi to Paige and Ryan, and all your other friends. I love you. Mom
Sunday, July 3, 2005 4:03 PM CDT
10 days until Griffin's birthday. It doesn't seem possible that he is not here with us to celebrate turning 7. Oh, how excited he would have been. July 13th is going to be a really difficult day, I know we will get through it, we've gotten through 6 months without him, but it's his special day and he should be here.
I have a special request to everyone who reads this site. If you could please write a memory of Griffin down in the guest book. It doesn't have to be long, it can be as simple as something you remember him saying. I just would love to read them. So please if you can, it would mean so much to me.
One memory I wanted to share is when Griffin was 2 1/2 and he was in Bone Marrow Transplant. We were in the hospital for a total of 1 month, sometime during that month, we were trying to work on potty training with Griffin. He was getting so pumped with fluid, that he needed frequent diaper changes. Griffin loved watching Austin Powers, (in fact my mom made him and Austin powers costume) anyways we were watching the scene were Austin Powers is peeing (for those who have seen the movie he goes to the bathroom for a LONG time.) Griffin thought it was hilarious, and decided that he could pee standing up like Austin Powers! And so he did!
I have so many memories of Griffin. I hope to continue to share them with you all, and I would love to hear all your memories.
Thanks for continuing to check in on us. Love to All, Monique
Griffy-I miss you more and more each day. I wish you were here to swim with Blake. I know you'd have so much fun together. We hope you have the best birthday in Heaven, filled with Yugioh cards, say Hi to Paige and Ryan, and all your other friends. I love you. Mom
Tuesday, June 28, 2005 8:16 AM CDT
Blake had an incredible party! It was amazing to me how many people we have met in the year we have lived here. We had 26 kids at the party! We had our awesome neighboors and friends, friends from t-ball, some of our cancer friends, friends from our grief group, cousins, friends from Griffin's class, and friends from Barry's work at the party. We are so fortunate to have such amazing friends here in Texas. Thank you all for coming.
Blake loved swimming with all his friends and everyone else seemed to really enjoy themselves. Even some of the adults, Barry included went down the water slide. It was an awesome day. The highlight of the day for me was when Blake went off the diving board! It was so awesome to see his excitment and sense of accomplishment. Everyone had a Blast!
A couple days before Griffin passed away, he recorded a message to his brother. It was truley amazing. He said "Happy Birthday to Blake from his brother in Heaven. Griffin said he knew it had been a long time since Blake had seen him, and that he wanted to give him a birthday hug and kiss and that Griffin loved Blake. Griffin was so thoughtful, and wanted to make sure everyone was going to be okay with him in Heaven. It was amazing to me that he would think to make this message. What an incredible thing for Blake to have and to me able to listen to.
Griffin's birthday is rapidly approaching. It can't begin to express the emptyness I feel with out my would be almost 7 year old. Griffin was the type of kid who started planing his party for the next year the day after his party for the current year. Last year he had a Yugioh cake and got his hermit crabs for his birthday. I remember him being so worried he wouldn't get his hermit crabs. (Why he was worried puzzles me as he pretty much always ended up getting what he wanted) Anyways he was so worried about his hermit crabs, and since we were going to be at the hospital getting chemo on his birthday, we got them for him a couple days early. He was so excited! I miss that excitement! I miss his energy, I miss his positive outlook, his hugs, his laugh, his smile, his voice, I could go on all day.
That's about it for now. We are getting ready for LA, we leave next week. It will be so nice to see all our friends and family. I miss them all so very much.
-Monique
Tuesday, June 21, 2005 7:06 AM CDT
Blake is now 4! We have already had 2 birthday celebrations, and his party is still yet to come. He is having a pool party on Sunday! Thank you to every one who sent Blake cards and gifts!
Lubbock was good. It was actually much easier then I had anticipated. I thought I would be so consumed with grief that the weekend would be difficult. Yes, I had many moments filled with tears, but I have to say that Barry's family did such an incredible job of making me feel not only welcomed into the family, but loved. Many family members had read Griffin's website, knew our history and continue to check in on us. People talked to me about Griffin, I can't begin to express how much that meant to me. I was so worried that his name wouldn't be mentioned. It was wonderful meeting Barry's great aunts and cousins, they are an incredible group of people and I can't wait until the reunion next year.
Ray Lynn and Roger, thank you so much for all you do for the family. It was so wonderful to spend so much time with you this weekend. We love you.
Not much going on this week. We have Blake's end of T-ball party, a Hero's for Children Party and Blake's pool party. Besides that it is going to be HOT, so I'd imagine we will be doing a lot of swimming.
Blake starting saying something really cute, when he says goodbye he now says, Bye sweet potata. It is hilarious, yes potata, not potato.
I was remebering when Griffin was either 3 or 4 and he got a freckle. He had a couple, but this was the first on he really noticed. First he tried to rub it off, then asked me what it was. I told him it was a spot from the sun, he said "I want to give it back to the sun, I don't want it" He proceeded to get made, cause we couldn't give it Back.
I miss Griffin more and more each day. The reality of his death has really sunken in. Some days are still so hard, but others, I am able to get through okay. I can't believe how quickly time is going by, it will be 6 months soon.
Thanks for listening. Love to all, Monique
Thursday, June 9, 2005 9:04 AM CDT
Only 11 days until Blake's 4th Birthday.
I can't believe how grown up he is becoming. He is a true fish in the water, now nicknamed "shark boy", since the movie "shark boy and lava girl" is coming to theaters soon. Blake has taught him self to do backwards summersalts! and can now swim across the pool. He still needs work on his strokes, he needs to use his arms more, but he is swimming, taking breathes and all! We have been going to the pool almost every day. It has been great! Of course I know that Griffin would have loved to have a summer like this. Being able to swim with out having to worry about going to the hospital or having to be accessed. It makes me so sad that Griffin is not here to enjoy this fun with us.
I took Blake to Sears to get his 4 year old pictures taken yesterday. I will post pictures soon, as well as Griffin's 4 year old picture.
We are wrapping up T-ball season. Blake had a game last nigt and actually stayed out on the field the entire time!!This was an accomplishment for him, he tends to get frustrated when 7 kids all run for the ball and he doesn't get it. Normally 1/2 through the inning, he'll get mad and throw his glove on the field and walk off, but yesterday he didn't. He enjoyed himself and had a great game. He has 2 games left, but will only play in one, as we will be out of town for his last game.
Barry's family is having a family reunion in Lubbock, TX, father's day (and blake's birthday) weekend. We will leave for Lubbock next Friday and come home Sunday. It will be nice to spend the weekend with family, and meet all Barry's family members we haven't met before. I have a feeling though that will also be a difficult time for me. Being at a reunion with out Griffin, just doesn't feel right.. but we'll get through it.
That's about it for now.
Love, Monique
Saturday, June 4, 2005 2:58 PM CDT
Blake is featured this month on the Tumbleweed Foundation. This organization is incredible, Griffin was featured last year, and received coutless cards from people. It was very exciting for both he and Blake to receive mail. This month, Tumbleweed decided to feature siblings of angels. It is so wonderful for these kids to get recognized. Griffin's friend Paige's brother Kevin is also featured!!
I have to run. I will update more later.
-Mo
Saturday, May 28, 2005 3:16 PM CDT
Emotionally this week has been really hard on me. Somedays, I think I am able to kid my self into being "ok", others the pain of losing Griffin is just so unbearable. I spent many days this week crying, and frankly I'm sure I have cried more in the last 5 months then in my entire life. I miss him so much. I am so tried of the empty seat at the restaurant or the movies. Saying "3" instead of "4". It all just sucks.
Blake is doing well. He has been talking to Griffin alot recently and blowing him kisses. He has been playing video games. He's getting pretty good, especially considering he's still 3. Even the neighboor kids are impressed with his video gaming abilities! Blake will quickly tell the kids, he's good because of his BROTHER!! That brings a smile to my face. Blake also had another great idea, in the spongebob video game you have to rescue kids that are flying in the air attached to a group of balloons. Last night, Blake said, we could attach balloons to him, so he could go up to heaven to visit Griffin.. Boy how I wish it was that easy. Anyways, i am greatful he is able to express himself so well.
This weekend we are taking it easy. Blake and I have been swimming a ton this week. And if the rain lets up, we will go swimming this weekend. We will probably so over to Fort Worth to the science museum. They have a new dinosaur exhibit that I am sure Blake will love.
Blake's 4th Birthday is right around the corner!! I can't believe he is almost 4! He is not a baby or even a little boy any more. He has grown up so very fast. He is such an awesome boy. His birthday is June 19th. (Yep, on Father's Day this year) He will be having a pool party!
That's about it. I put up some new pictures of Griffin. The aren't the best quality because they came off Barry's camera phone but there pictures, and I treasure each and every one of them.
Love, Monique
Saturday, May 22, 2005 3:50 PM CDT
UPDATE: We spent a lot of time in the pool this weekend and Blake has now learned how to dive down to the bottom of the pool and pick up things. Blake is swimming so well! He is such a little fish, just like Griffin.
Griff- We (daddy, mommy and Blakey) have been playing alot of video games recently. We started playing the spongebob the movie game. (the one you got for Christmas) You'd be so proud, cause we beat the game!! Blake is getting pretty good! Blake tried playing your TAK game, but was having a hard time. Blake said he wished you were here with us so you could help him. I'm sure you would have had a blast teaching him how to dive and play video games. We miss you like crazy! every second of every day. I love you. -Mom
I find myself constantly thinking about the past. Comparing where we are today, and where we were last year with Griffin. As time passes, memories fad. I try to write down things so that I'll never forget, but I find myself since almost 5 months have passed wondering if Griffin was with us on certain ocassions. Yes, Big things I know I will always remember, but I am talking about seeing certain movies, and stupid things. It's hard not remembering everything. Maybe it is because we are forced into having our lives go on with out him. Forced to smile, laugh and have a good time. Forced for Blake, and ourselves. (I know Griffin would be so mad at me if I sat and felt sorry for my self). He never did. So, we don't. (Well most of the time.)
Last May was such an eventful month for us. It is hard to believe that a year has past. It's hard to believe that Griffin is in heaven. May 2004, we found out Griffin's cancer was back full force again. Our dreams and hopes of remaining on oral medication were shattered and the realization that Griffin's cancer was ultimately going to take his life was imbeded into our heads. Yes, we always remained hopeful, but the reality of the viciousness of neuroblastoma was really sinking in. Yes, all cancer is horrible, but neuroblastoma is one of the WORST! It just sucks...
Anyways, enough of that. Summer has arrived!! It's close to 100! And it's HOT, HOT. (I realize this is nothing to what it is GOING to be) But it is HOT! Blake spent yesterday in the pool with our Neighboors. He had a blast. Blake went to go put on his water shirt (wet suit type) but couldn't because it was too small. Blake said "Mom, I know, now that I'm big I can wear Griffin's." At first I wasn't sure if I could let him. Griffin wore his shirt all the time, and I thought it would be too hard to see Blake in it. I hesitated, and Blake said "Please" so he wore Griff's favorite shirt. I'm glad he did and I am sure that if Griffin say him he'd be glad too. Blake loves the water just like Griffin did.
We had T-ball today, and tomorrow. It is going okay, some days definately easier then others.
Well, we are off to the pool.
Thanks for listening.
Love, Mo
Monday, May 16, 2005 3:33 PM CDT
Not much is going on.
It's hard to believe May is already 1/2 over. The days are going by so quickly. I survived mother's day. Obviously it was tough, but Blake and Barry helped me have an okay day. Also, I got many surprise, calls, and cards from lots of people which made me feel so good. I know I will always be Griffin and Blake's Mom. I just wish Griffin could have stayed with us.
Blake is doing good. He is enjoying T-Ball (kinda), when he is done with the game, he says he had fun, but during the game I think he gets a little bored. Kinda funny to see all 15 boys (and their parent) crowded on the pitchers mound hoping to get the ball. When the ball it hit, everyone runs for it. Blake gets rather frustrated as he wants the ball EVERYTIME. He is excited for the team party, and the trophy maybe baseball is NOT his thing. We will see. He is excited to play soccer, he has been kicking the ball around and we went to see "Kicking and Screaming" and he really enjoyed it. I'm hopeful that the fast pace of soccer will be a better fit for Blake. Signups are June 1st, they start playing in August.
We are getting ready for summer. Blake can't wait to go swimming. We are also going to get passes to Hurricane Harbor and plan on spending lots of time their with Peyton and our neighboors.
I can't really think of anything else to say. I am hanging in there. I find myself crying alot, so many things trigger the tears. I still have such a difficult time believing that Griffin is actually gone. You'd think I'd accept it, and I do, but it just doesn't seem right. Life is just so strange with him gone. I could go on for hours listing all the things I miss about Griffin. But, I'll just say, that eventhough we only had him for 6 1/2 years, he taught me so much about life, he was truely amazing, and I am so lucky that I was his mom.
-Monique
Saturday, May 7, 2005 9:39 PM CDT
I figure I should update.
Blake's game went pretty good. It was rather difficult getting him up but once we were there he did pretty good. He only wanted to walk off the field a couple times, and didn't want to touch home base when he ran through, but he had a good time. We took some pictures, but I left the camera in the car, so I'll update them some time soon. Blake has another game tomorrow.
I'm not ready for tomorrow to come. There is so much emphasis on Mother's Day at the stores and on TV. It's really silly, shouldn't we all appreciate and love our mother's every day of the year? Last mother's day, Griffin and Blake made plaster hand/foot prints and painted them for me. It was the best present ever. In addition, some how in the last 4 years, Griffin always managed to be at school to do the mother's day project( Griffin missed so much school, it is actually amazing he was there each time), I will always cherish all those pictures and things he made. It is so hard to believe he's not here to make any more. I miss him terribly. I am so grateful that I was able to be his mom. He made me a mom, he changed my life, he showed me that unbreakable bond a mother has with their child, that love you only experience with raising a child. I loved him so much, and it hurts so badly that he is not here with us.
Blake is amazing. He is what gets me through each day, that and the memories of Griffin. As Blake gets older and begins to enjoy the things Griffin liked. Mainly video games, I can see a glimpse of Griffin in him. It makes me both happy and sad. Blake has been talking alot about Griffin recently. Blake says he talks to his brother alot and that he misses him. Last night we were walking home from our neighboors and I told Blake some people think that stars are windows to Heaven, he said "Griffin, I wish you didn't have to go to Heaven" and then asked me if Griffin could hear him. I said "Yes, He sure can."
I have no plans for tomorrow. I'm not quite sure how I'll be feeling. I did go today for a manicure and pedicure. It was wonderful!
Happy Mother's day to all the moms out there. Give your kids an extra hug and hold on tight.
-Monique
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
UPDATE: I was asked how T-ball is going for Blake, so I thought I'd update everyone. At first, Blake was not thrilled about having to wear a cup (hurts to get hit, regardless of age), I even bought Blake special spandex short/underwear for the cup to go in figuring I'd be more likely to get him to wear that rather then a jock strap. Anyways, he complained and hated it, Aunt Sara even told him she'd buy him a prize. I took him next door to Tanner, and had Tanner tell him he wears one, and I guess that was all Blake needed to hear as Tanner said "I don't want to get hit in the weiner" Blake laughed and agreed to wear it. (Funny though, no one else on his team had gotten them for their kids, so Blake was the only one wearing one) Better to be safe then sorry.
With the cup thing behind us. We went to Blake's first practice on Monday. It was rather funny as most of the 3-4 year olds including Blake didn't really have a clue what they were doing. Blake LOVED it! They spent the hour hitting and running around the bases (of course there was a parent at every base telling the kids to run and where to run too). Blakey was so excited to run the bases, and managed to dance around at each base while the other kid bat. It's been raining, but we are supose to have practice tonight, to go over fielding. He has his first game Saturday at 8:00 am. This should be challenging as Blake normally wakes up at 8:30-9:30. He also has a game on Sunday. We are excited and glad he is enjoying it. I have updated the photo page with pictures of Blake at practice. I am working on having Barry make a photo page for me for Blake, so I don't have to use Griffin's photo space, but for now, this is all I have..
I'm also including a picture of Blake and his new tent that Uncle Jack sent him this week. Thanks Jack! Blake Loves it. -Monique
Monday, May 2, 2005
Not a whole lot going on.
Just wanted to share Blake's conversation with us yesterday. We were driving home from our friend Jill's house and there were hot air balloons in the sky. Three or Four of them. Blake said he wanted to go to heaven. But not by dying, he wanted to go to heaven in a hot air balloon to go visit Griffin and then come back home. Oh how I wish it were that easy. I wish we could go visit Griffin and then come back. Blake was all excited saying come on Mom, we can just go up up in the sky until we get to heaven. I had to tell him it didn't work that way. And how I wished we could do that too.
My mind keeps going back to last year at this time. We were so filled with Hope. Griffin had responded so well to chemotheraphy, his cancer was practically gone. I really thought we were going to have more time with him. There is so much more I wanted him to be able to experience. Yes, of course I am gratful for the time we had, but it just doesn't seem like enough...had I known then, that Griffin would pass away in January.. I can't really say I would have done anything different. We tried so hard to focus on Griffin's quality of life. We wanted him to be as much like a regular 6 1/2 year old as he could. I believe we acheived that. I guess the only thing I would have done is hold on to him a little tigher, a little longer. I know he knew how much I loved him and I know how much he loved me. I just wish I could see him again and let him know.. that I could hear him again. We are fortunate in the sense that we have video clips of him telling us he loves us, and I am grateful for that...but how I long to be with him again..I hear his voice, see his smile, hug him..There are no words to describe the emptyness in side my heart. The whole that has been left by Griffin's passing. I do realize I will get through this, that somehow the pain will get more bearable, right now it just SUCKS!!!! I don't care that he's in a better place..I want him here with me. He belongs here...
Meeting new people is strange now. When asked how many children you have, what do you say? If you start by saying well I had a 6 year old who died, the response I have gotten hasn't been good. It FREAKS people out (and I guess it should, kids shouldn't die), people don't know what to say or how to ask around me. The first time I talked to one of the mom's durning Blake's class, she asked if I had other kids, I told her about Griffin, and she hasn't said a word to me since that day. I guess we are just everyones worst nightmare. How can I Not mention Griffin when meeting a new family? I just feel like I don't fit in any more. It's a horrible feeling. I'm not quite sure what the answer is, except to maybe wait until I know the person better, before dumping the story on them.
Anyways, I am really ok. I am ok as I can be. We are enjoying Blake and life. I just needed to get my feeling out. Thanks for listening, for being there and for loving us.
Monique
Thursday, April 28, 2005 7:58 PM CDT
Thank you EVERYONE for thinking of Griffin on Monday and for sending all your balloons! It meant so much to me.
This week has been really hard. I find myself crying alot. So many things set it off. I just miss Griffin so much. It's not right not having him here with us. Hard to believe it's been almost 4 months, seems like an eternity since I saw my Griff.
Anyways, Blake is doing great. He had his first T-ball practice today. They actually didn't practice, it was more a meet and get organized. His first practice will be Monday, and his first game May 7th. I will make sure to take lots of pictures.
I'm going watch the apprentice...I'll update more later.
-Monique
Saturday, April 23, 2005 9:11 PM CDT
Today was the Heroes for Children Walk, with the exception of the fact it was freezing cold this morning (you'd think winter came back) the walk was GREAT! It felt so good to be there. To be a part of an incredible organization. I really look forward to becoming more involved. Special thanks to our friends Candi, David, Steven and August for coming with us and walking! We love you guys.
I miss Griffin like crazy. It is so hard to actually believe that this is our life. That we had an incredible son for 6 1/2 years that we loved with all our heart and he is Not here with us any more. Yes, I know that in spirit he is, but it is just not the same. There is so much I miss amd I am so grateful for every second I had with my son.
I am so grateful for this website. A little while ago, I re-read through my old journals. I can't tell you how many memories it brought back. Knowning exactly what we did a year ago, the emotions we felt, the excitment we shared, the joys, the fears, it is all so priceless. I have really learned how important it is to share your feelings and keep a journal.
Anyways, we went to a 7 year old birthday party today. At first I wasn't quite sure I'd be able to handle it. (As Griffin should be turning 7 this summer). But the party was good, and I am glad I went, and I know Griffin would have wanted us to be there. Sometimes, I think the anticipation is much worse then the actual event. And the "first" time with out your lost child is definately the hardest. We made it through, and even enjoyed ourselves.
Texas definately feels like home to me now. I miss LA, our friends and family, but I really like Texas. We are so fortunate cause we have great neighboors and friends. Blake loves playing with Tanner, Taylor and August. And I love having Candi and Missy to talk too. The fact that Barry's commute is only 10 minutes versus the 1 hour and 15 minutes each way back in LA makes all the difference in the world.
My sister Rox and her boyfriend Russell are getting married!!! I am so very excited!! I am sure Griffin is smiling up in Heaven, as Russell was one of his favorite people.
Please if you can release a balloon for Griffin on Monday! It means a lot to me.
Love, Monique
Sunday, April 17, 2005 1:51 PM CDT
Four years ago today Griffin was admitted to the hospital for his bone marrow transplant. A month I will never forget.
We were scared as we were told Griffin would be sicker then we had ever seen. We wondered how we would possibily get through a month long hospital stay. Nervous of the side effects Griffin would encounter with this harsh chemotheraphy. With all these emotions, the biggest I felt was Hope. I was so hopeful that Griffin's neuroblastoma would never come back. Hopeful that we were begining a new phase of life, that he would remain cancer free and we could put the hospital behind us. We were also approaching the birth of Blake (only two more months).
Griffin with his awesome attitude did amazingly well throughout transplant. He continued to amaze us with his strength and determination to make the most of every situation and he was only 2 1/2!
Griffin's actual transplant day was April 25th 2001, in the past years we celebrated this day like another birthday for Griffin. It was his special day. We had big parties at the park with all our friends and family. We were fortunate to have 2 years and 2 parties celebrating Griffin's remission, celebrating his life. And then we found out his cancer was back in June 2003. Even last April 25th, we had a little celebration. The day definately had a different meaning to me, as his cancer was back,and it wasn't the same "No more bad guys" celebration, but it was an important day in Griffin's life, and we celebrated it.
With this month moving forward, I am faced with what am I going to do on April 25th this year? I am faced with not having my Griffin here to celebrate. I am not quite sure how to get through this day.
We are walking in the Heroes for Children walk in Memory of Griffin on the 23rd.
I have a favor to ask, if everyone who reads this site can go get a Balloon on Monday April 25th and Let it go up in the sky in Memory of Griffin and his journey with cancer. It would mean so much to me. I can't really think of anything else I can do on that day to Honor my son. Thanks! I'd like to keep a count of how many balloons are released so if you let one go, if you could please let me know that would be wonderful.
I just found a box of photos in my garage. I am going through them, and will post pictures of Griffin during his transplant soon.
-Love, Monique
Wednesday, April 13, 2005 10:52 AM CDT
I can't believe it is already the middle of April. Time sure is flying by.
Blake, Barry and I went to our support group Journey of Hope last night. It was the first time Barry came with us. Initally, I told Barry how important it was for Blake and we grieve together, and that we go to the meetings as a family. But, Last night I realized that I needed Barry to be there for me as much as I needed him to be there for Blake.
Today, Blake and I did something we haven't done since Griffin passed away. Blake wanted to turn on Griffin music, so we put on this HIP HOP CD, of course the first song was Let's get it started by the Black Eyed Peas ( we played this as the first song on Griffin's memorial DVD at his service). At first I didn't know if I could listen to that song, but when I turned around there was Blake dancing on the coffee table, just like Griffin and him use to. It just made me smile so big, Blake definately takes after his brother with his dance moves. Anyways, Blake and I made chocolate chip cookies and danced to Griff's favorite songs.
Life is going better today. My grief group really helped last night. Thanks to everyone for all your guestbook entries, love and support. They mean the world to me.
Love,
-Monique
Monday, April 11, 2005 8:56 AM CDT
This weekend was really difficult for me, I found myself crying alot and desperatley missing Griffin. Barry, Blake and I went to a geocaching class (using a gps device to find treasures). It felt great being outside, hiking to find something, yet at the same time, I was consumed with sadness, for I know that Griffin would have LOVED every momment of the day. I so miss his enthusium for life, he made everything fun, the simpliest things made him smile, and so many days he would say "this is the best day ever".
I think reality is really sinking in. I truely know what it's like to have a broken heart, cause mine is broken. I can't help but be pissed off. That whole why Griffin? creaps into my thoughts. I should be spending the weekend with my "BOYS" not my just my BOY.
I find myself reliving the past couple years. I know I told myself I wasn't going to second guess our decisions, and I believe it was in God's hands not ours. But there is just a part of me that still wonders, what if? could we have maintained his life a little longer? could we have given him more time? Ultimately, I come back to the same conclusion. No, we could have not done anything else, that Griffin lived the life he was supose to. I do believe that, but somehow when your so filled with sadness, I guess your mind wanders.
Blake has ventured into the world of video games. I can just see Griffin's grin. Boy would he have loved to show his brother how to play games. Funny how something so little as video games, can fill my head with so many emotions. I am thrilled as, Blake's excitement reminds me so much of Griffin. Yet, I am so sad that Griffin is not hear to share in his brothers excitement.
I know I'll get through this, I just needed a place to vent. Thanks for listening.
-Monique
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
Hard to believe it's been 3 months and 1 day since Griffin went to Heaven. I miss him more then words can describe. I changed the pictures. It's so hard to decide what pictures to put up on the site, we have so many GREAT pictures of Griffin, so I will try and rotate pictures of him often.
Anyways, We are going to be participating in the Heroes for Children Walk, if you live in a Dallas Area, came walk with us, Saturday April 23rd, 7:30 am (Yes, I know it's early, but it's for a great cause, and you can always take a nap!) Check out their site at heroesforchildren.org.
Saturday, April 2, 2005 9:06 PM CST
I know I should update, it's just so strange not having Griffin as the focus of the update and the focus of our lives.
Blake's foot was NOT fractured!!! Needless to say we are thrilled, and he has been jumping around like crazy. (it's still a little sore). Blake started a new art class. He really enjoyed his first day, they talked about Jackson Pollock, and painted a picture inspired by Pollock's work. Blake was so excited about class, he wanted to meet Barry at work to show him his picture. It's an 8 week class. I'm excited to see what he learns next.
Blake and I went to our grief support group on Thursday. We had a good time, the kids put on a backyard circus for the parents. Blake was dressed up as a tiger and enjoyed jumping through the RING of Fire.
This morning, Barry took Blake to Home Depot, for their free Kids workshop. They had a great time, Blake made an Art Cady. He got a cute little orange apron. Apparently, home depot does these workshops the first sat of the month. I wish we would have known about them before because Griffin would have LOVED it. Anyways, I'm glad Blake and Barry are going.
I went to a training meeting for Heroes for Children (which is a combination of Friends of Allie and Taylor's Angels). Friends of Allie did so much for our family during Griffin's last week in the hospital, their volunteers brought dinner every night for us. In addition, they organized the balloon release for Griffin's service. Heroes for Children is an INCREDIBLE Organization, whose mission is Providing financial and social assistance to families, within the state of Texas, of children (0-22 yrs of age) battling cancer! Anyways, they wanted me to come and share Griffin's story and answer questions that volunteers might have in dealing with new families. I was so glad to go and share Griffin's story. I look forward to becoming involved in Heroes for Children. In the last 4 years in dealing with Griffin's cancer, I have experienced so much. My life is forever changed, and my hope is that these experiences can help others on this journey.
I miss Griffin everyday. But I am doing okay. Why? Because Griffin taught me that no matter what cards you are dealt in your life, It is up to YOU, to enjoy the life you have, to make the most out of every situation, to cease every oportunity and not let time pass by.
Thank you Griffy for allowing me to see what life is really about. I love you. -Mommy
-Monique
Tuesday, March 29, 2005 10:22 AM CST
Sorry for the delay in updating, I haven't known what to say.
We are hanging in there. It's hard to believe it's almost been 3 months since Griffin went to Heaven, in so many ways, it feels like an eternity. We miss him so very much.
We survived Easter. Before Griffin passed away, he was worried the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus wouldn't visit him in Heaven. We assured Griffin he wouldn't need to worry about that, that he'd have the best holidays in Heaven. I miss Griffin's excitment and enthusium for life, everyday was like a holiday with him, he truely loved life, i miss that. It's difficult going on with out him, but we are, and I know that's what he'd want.
We had a nice visit with Rox, I am so gratful she was able to come spend time with us. Blakey especially loved seeing her.
Blake fell Sunday night, and hurt his foot. I took him to the doctor and got x-rays last night, we are awaiting the results. It looks like he fractured one of his bone, when I get the final results I will post them. Thankful he isn't in pain, unless he puts weight on his foot.
Anyways, I have to get to Blake.
Love,
-Monique
Griffy- I hope you had the Best Easter Egg hunt Ever!! It wasn't the same with out you, we miss you so much, but we know you are having fun. I love you-Mom
Wednesday, March 23, 2005 7:34 PM CST
We are home from Seattle.
Blake and I had a wonderful time. It was so nice spending time with family. It was hard being there with out Griffin, but I know he would have wanted us to go. He loved his cousins so much, and he would want to make sure Blake got to play with them.
We had a pre-easter party, where the kids all decorated sugar cookies, and dyed easter eggs. We had an easter party with an easter egg hunt. It was great. Blake loved spending time with his cousins. We went and saw Robots, went to the Seattle acquarium and chuck e chesse.
My aunt Nan is converting our video tapes into DVD's for me. We watched Griffin's tapes. It was so touching, the things he said, so how I miss his voice, his positive attitude and his courage. He even said "Happy Birthday, to Blake, he said he would be in Heaven on his birthday, but he was sending him hugs and kisses, and that Blake was the best brother". Griff, was truely amazing, always looking out for everyone else, making sure we all knew how much we meant to him, and how much he loved us.
Today, Blake and I were driving past Griffin's school and Blake said to me "I wish Griffin could stay here with us." So, do I. He said that he thinks Griffin is enjoying flying around, and is probably in a castle on a cloud. I am so gratful that Blake is able to express this to me.
Anyways, we are getting ready for Aunt Roxy to come for Easter!!! We are so excited.
Thanks to everyone for checking in on us. We love you.
I will post some pictures of Blake in Seattle soon.
Monique
Tuesday, March 15, 2005 9:11 AM CST
I miss Griffin so very much.
Griffin's school is going to do a memorial page in their year book for Griffin. It is so touching, it means so much to me. I have spent the morning looking through pictures, trying to decide which ones to send for the page. Wow, it is hard, looking back at all the fun we had, at Griffin's big grin, boy he enjoyed life! I am so gratful for all the photos we have, for all the memories. Eventhough it is hard, it is so good to see his pictures. I love him more then words can describe.
We are doing ok, keeping really busy. My aunt Nan, is sending Blake and I to Seattle. We leave on Thursday. We are thrilled to see everyone. I know it is going to be hard, cause Seattle is the one place Griffin wanted to go too, but didn't get around to it. We went when he was one, but he didn't remember. Anyways, it will be wonderful for Blake to see all his cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.
-Monique
Thursday, March 10, 2005 9:34 AM CST
UPDATE: My Aunt Mimi has been asking to see new pictures of Zoe. I updated the photos page. Go check it out.
I'm feeling like I should update, but there's really not too much to say... I still find myself numb, it is so hard to believe that Griffin is gone. I miss him so very much. Blake has been waking up at night crying because he misses Griffin. I really think it is sinking in, for us all that Griffin is really "physcially gone". I do however feel his presence (sometimes), but it is just not the same. I miss his energy and love of life!
Blake and I started going to a new support group, called Journey of Hope. They meet twice a month, and have age appropriate groups for Blake, where they discuss and have activities. This tuesday was our first time, and strangely the topic was dreams (Blake started waking up crying about Griffin on Monday). Blake really enjoyed his group, and was excited to show off his dreamcatcher that he made.
Blake and I went to get his picture taken with the Easter Bunny, and at Sears. When we went into Sears, the lady remembered us, and asked about Griffin. It was difficult to tell her that he had passed away, and to hear Blake say My brother passed away. But, it was so touching that she remembered my son. It meant the world to me, to have Griffin remembered by someone who only saw him a handful of times.
Anyways, the weather is beautiful! I think Blake and I will plant some flowers today.
We love you all-Monique
Monday, March 7, 2005 8:41 AM CST
We had an INCREDIBLE weekend at Camp! Camp SOL is awesome.
It was probably the best thing our family could have done. The weekend was very emotional, both sad and eye opening. It was amazing how many families have lost children, it was eye opening to see people who have survived 6 years with out their child and are doing okay. Yes, we will always love and miss Griffin. Hopefully, hurt will get better.
To be surrounded by families who KNEW exactly how I felt, who with out even having to say anything, would come and hug me and truely understood what it was like to lose a child.
There was probably about 25 families who attended camp, many of whom lost children to cancer, other who lost infants to various reasons.
I was happy to see familiar faces from the hospital. The Chaplain who did the pray at Griffin's Dallas Memorial was there, child life specialists who we absoutely LOVE were there, play room volunteers, it was great to see them all again.
They had age appropriate groups of kids to work on activities, and parents were put into groups with other families. Our group consisted of a family I had met at the hospital who lost their son to neuroblastoma in Dec, a family who lost their child 2 years ago to cancer, and a family who lost their child 6 years ago to cancer. I can't begin to explain how beneficial this was to have this group of people to ask questions to, and to talk to.
We also had family time, where we went fishing with Blake, did nature and cooking stuff.
We had a Mom's group and a Dad's group, where the Mom's were provided with Creative Memories supplies for scrapbooking, and the dads had nails and hammers and made a planter box. They had massages and a candle lite dinner for the parents.
Blake had SO much fun! He loves his new friend Breanna who is 7 (she lost her 3 year old brother). They had such a good time together.
They had a remembrance service for our Children. It was so touching, and difficult.. it was the first time over the weekend, where for me, the reality really sank in, that so many children had been lost, the siblings had made posters for their honored sibling, they were displayed on the way to the chapel, and it was so OVERwhelming, to see the names of all the children who had passed away.
Camp Sol, has 3 activites throughout the year. So we will be able to see these people again at back to school time and the holidays and then again each Mar for camp.
I am so grateful for this camp. It was good to talk about Griffin and our family. It was good for Blake to know that other kids have siblings in Heaven.
Thanks for all your support. We love you all. Monique
Griffy-We love and miss you so very much!
Friday, March 4, 2005 9:13 AM CST
Today marks two months since Griffin went to Heaven....
In many ways it feels like a life time ago since I hugged him, heard his laugh, or saw his big smile. He was such an incredible boy, so full of life and enjoyed every single day. Even if he was not feeling well, he always managed to be happy, to smile, to laugh, and to make the most out of every situation. In other ways, it feels like just yesterday. It hurts so badly, I miss him so very much. Blake has really been talking about missing Griffin this week. Blake has a magnet thing where you pick your mood, and he keeps on picking "sad" because of Griffin. I think it is really sinking in to all of us, that Griffin is actually "physically" gone. and it Sucks!
Some how we are coping. I have many periods throughout the day where I randomly cry, but for the most, I am doing okay. It's hard to be sad for long, when you look at his smiling face, and remember how excited he was to go to Heaven. He was really ready. He wanted to go to Heaven so badly, and to be honest, as much as I miss him, I am so glad he is there, cancer free.
We are getting packed for a camping weekend. There is a camp called CAMP SOL, for families who have lost children to cancer. The camp is today, and we are happy to be going.
I am sure it is going to be an emotional weekend, but it will be good for us to be surrounded by people who understand our pain. I also think it will be really good for Blake to meet other kids who have brother/sisters in Heaven.
Anyways, We love you all--- Monique
Monday, February 28, 2005 3:01 PM CST
I'm sitting here, listening to the Yu-Gi-Oh soundtrack, and tears are rolling down my face. I miss my son so so much, more than words can describe. It just sucks! I know that our lives have to go on with out him, and I know that is what Griffin would want, but things are just so hard with out him.
We are doing our best, we are keeping busy, we are trying to still have fun, still smile and laugh, and it is just so hard.
Last week we spent sometime with Marni, Peyton, Lindsay and Dane. It was so good to see them. They are such an important part of our lives now. We are so lucky to have them as friends. Peyton even came over and Blake and her played in Griffin's room. They played with Griff's doctor stuff.
We went to Courtney's house and got to see her Dog have puppies. It was incredible to witness the birth of these adorable puppies.
Blake is keeping me busy. He has several classes that he is really enjoying.
Barry and I are hanging in there. I am so glad I have him to go through this with. He is truely the only person who can understand the magnitude of grief I am experiencing.
Thank you all for your support, friendship and love. Your guestbook entries mean so much to me. Please keep talking about Griffin and saying his name!! We love to hear about him. He will forever be our son, and we need to talk about him.
Love,
Monique
Monday, February 21, 2005 1:45 PM CST
I thought I should update..but now that I'm here, I don't really know what to say.
Somedays are okay, others are extremely difficult. It is just so hard to believe that Griffin is actually gone... I spent time cleaning through his room last week. That was hard, we had all his Christmas toys, and stuff from the hosptial just thrown in bags in his room. I organized it all, putting things away in his closet and drawers. I know he wanted Blake to have his toys, except for his YUGIOH cards. We gave a bunch of Blake's toddler toys to a cute little girl we know, so that Blake could move some of Griffin's newer Imaginext toys into his room.
Some of his toys I definetely want to keep, others, I just don't know, so I am waiting until I know. I was reading a book on Grief the other day, and it said, to wait until you are SURE, that you don't have to be in a hurry, so I am waiting.
Anyways, Blake started a new Kiddie College (preschool) class today. He is going with his friend Ryan. They both really seemed to enjoy class. Blakey still thinks his name is spelled B3, which cracks me up! I asked him what happens when he turns 4 and he said he will be B3 and 4.
Life is so strange now, I spent 4 1/2 years with Griffy going to the hospital, and it is just so strange not having to go. It is weird being able to have a schedule and knowing that you can actually keep it. It is strange not having this overpowering fear that at any momment your child could get a fever, end up in the hospital and possibily die. As much as I miss Griffin, I am so glad he doesn't have to worry about getting sick anymore, I am glad he can see, play, run, and be free of cancer.
-Monique
Griffy-Mommy misses you so very much. I know you are enjoying Heaven. I think about you every second of everyday. I have seen a lot of ladybugs recently when I have been talking about you. If your sending them to me, keep sending them. love-Mommy
Wed, February 17, 2005 11:07 AM CST
We are doing okay. Valentines Day was kinda hard, I miss my Griffy so very much. Blakey and I went and bought 12 Mylar Red Heart Balloons. We took a Black Sharpe and wrote messages on the Balloons to Griffin, Paige, Ryan and Meghan. I also wrote a Balloon to all the other kids we have lost in this 4 Year journey. Many of whom lost their lives to Neuroblastoma.
I met with Griffin's hospice nurse this morning. It was really nice seeing her again. I gave her all Griffin's old Medicine. I had all kinds of chemotheraphy and related drugs, it was kinda weird giving them up. Just to think that yes, we don't ever need Zofran in our house or medicial supplies for a port.
Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well.
We love you all.
**********************************
Happy Valentine's Day!
We are doing okay today. It's hard to believe that one year ago today we were on a plane to Maui! I remember how excited both Blake and Griffin were. It was such an incredible vacation, one that I will never forget.
Peyton wanted to send a Valentine to Griffin, and pointed out to her mom, that we can attach the Valentine to a Balloon and send it to Heaven! So later today, we will be sending Valentines and Balloons to Heaven. I am also sending a special Balloon to Griffin's friend Meghan. Today is her Birthday, she has been in Heaven for almost 4 years. We miss you Meggy, Happy Birthday!
Throughout the last 4 years, so many friend that we have met are now in Heaven. We have to do something about Childhood Cancer, because it just SUCKS! Please go to curesearch and buy some green bracelts, and spread the word about Childhood Cancer. The bracelts say "Reach the Day" A day where all kids diagnosed with cancer are CURED!
Cure Search is looking for corporate sponsers. My aunt said she wrote a letter to Oprah I am going to also, just think if everyone who reads this site wrote a letter, how many letter's Oprah would receive! If you can please write one.
We love you all. We are so thankful for all your love, prayers and support.
-Monique
Friday, February 11, 2005 10:11 AM CST
UPDATE: I am desperately missing Griffin today and having a rough day. Today marks the 3rd year anniversary since Griffin's best friend Ryan went to Heaven. Griffin was only 3 when Ryan passed away, and he missed him so very much. At least they are playing together, is what I keep telling myself. I remember how much Griffy wished he could see Ryan again. I never truely realized how much Shelley (Ryan's mom) was hurting and now I do and it is so horrible. Suzanne (Paige's mom) recently said, now she knows what it feels like to have a broken heart, and now I know too. Everything reminds me of Griffy, everything we do, he should be doing with us, it just sucks, it's not fair. I just miss everything about him, everything.
* I updated his pictures again. It gave me something to do, something so other people can see how he truely enjoyed life and lived everyday.**
Wednesday:
Okay, I just lost everything I typed. So here goes, I'll try again.
I am really missing California, I long to go to the beach, maybe because it was Griffin's favorite place, maybe because we scattered his ashes in the ocean, I'm not sure, I just really miss it.
Life here in Texas is okay. I am so thankful for my neighboors and friends. But, everyday is a challenge. I miss Griffin more and more as each day passes.
Blake and I have been working on Valentine Cards, which has been fun and difficult just because I can't help but feel that Griffin should be doing them with us. He loved every Holiday. In fact, I went to go buy Valentine gifts, and it just didn't feel right not buying something for Griffin. I couldn't leave Target with out getting something. My aunt had told me of a new Yugioh deck that was out. I knew Griffin would have LOVED it, so I bought it. It was hard looking at the cards with out him, but I found myself both crying and smiling, as I imagined his face looking at the cards, I could feel his excitement and joy. I had promised him that I would still buy Yugioh cards and add them to his collection so that is what I am doing.
Not much else is going on. I have had a cold and cough all week, so Blake and I have been pretty mellow. Thankfully, I am feeling much better today.
I updated Griffin's pictures this morning. So, go check them out.
Also, please keep calling us, our phone hardly rings anymore.
Love,
Monique
Friday, February 4, 2005 7:11 PM CST
One month ago today Griffin went to Heaven.
I remember that last day like it was yesterday. Griffin wanting so desperately to go to Heaven. Me wanting so badly for him to go too. I just didn't want him to be in pain anymore, didn't want him to have to fight anymore. I truely meant it when I told him it was okay for him to go, but I had no idea how much I was going to miss him. That might sound stupid, of course I knew I would miss him, I guess I didn't quite realize how final death would be. I do realize and believe with all my heart that Griffin is in a better place, and knowing that he said "the best day will be the day I go to heaven" and was so ready to be there helps me a little, but how I long to hug him, or hear him say "mommy I love you", how I wish I could see his huge grin or here him laugh at the simpsons, watch him hip-hop or sword fight again. There are no words to describe how much I miss him. I am greatful for the videos of him, for all the pictures we have but it is just not the same. It just doesn't seem fair.
We are trying the best we can to go on with our lives. Blake is really enjoying his new classes. He especially loves his tumbling class. We have been keeping busy with friends. Barry has been busy with work. And, time goes by some days are easier then others. Nights are very difficult for me. The last month of Griffin's life he slept with us. How I miss having him lying beside me.
Thank you for all your love and support, we need it. We love you all. I have updated new photos from last year of Griffin.
-Monique
Monday, January 31, 2005 9:08 AM CST
Time is going by so fast, and I am missing Griffin more and more each day.
I decided that I would update the photo page with Photos from Last Feb. We went on a family trip to Hawaii, there were 32 of us! We all had the time of our lives, Griffin especially! He loved spending a week at the beach with his cousins. Last year, Griffin's counts were really low in Feb because of his radiation treatment in December. We weren't quite sure how he'd make it to Hawaii. He made it! He was full of energy, learned how to body surf, swam everyday and all day. With the exception of having to get a platelet transfusion on the last day of the trip, his counts held on, and he enjoyed every second of our trip.
I'm not quite sure what else to say, except that I desperately miss Griffin. I know he is in a better place, and I know that we were given extra time with him, but that being said, I still miss him like crazy. I can't imagine my life without him. He gave me so much. He brought so much joy into our lives.
Blake is doing great. He misses Griffin, and I think is really starting to realize that Griffin isn't coming back. I am so greatful that I have Blake. He is such an incredible boy, I love him so much. I just can't help but be mad, cause I should have both my boys, not just one.
Blake really enjoyed his classes last week especially his gymnastics class. He listened so well to his teacher, I was so proud of him. He is really growing up!
This weekend was good. We spent Saturday with Barry's Aunt, Uncle and cousins. It sure is nice having family in Texas. We went bowling, Blake and Elizabeth were so cute together, I will have to post pictures soon, they are on our video camera, so I am not sure how to upload them on the computer.
Anyways, thanks for everyone support. We love you all.
-Monique
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 8:51 AM CST
A day of first times.
We have entered a new way of life, a life filled with the "first" times of doing things with out Griffin.
On Monday, it was our little friend Ryan's 4th Birthday. (Ryan also has neuroblastoma, and in remission!) Blake and I went to Chuck E Chesse for the first time without Griffy. In many ways it was so hard to be there, but in others, I know Griffin would want us there with his friends, and I was happy to have friends to share in that "first" time with me. My friend Jill decided to buy the kids all red balloons, and when we were finished with Chuck E Cheese the kids sent the balloons to Heaven.
Yesterday, was my first time at Children's hospital without Griffin. Blake told me I couldn't go to the hospital cause I didn't have Griffin any more, but I told him it was important to be there for Griffin's friends, and it was okay to still go to the hospital. I knew it was going to be difficult to go, but I also knew, it would be difficult if i went now, or 3 months from now. Courtney was in clinic starting a new trial, and Marni was going to be there, so I decided that Griffin would want me to go, and that I wanted to be there for Courtney and Kelly, so I went to the hosptial. I expected it to be really hard being in clinic, but honestly it wasn't. Looking back, I don't have any bad memories of the hospital, Griffin loved many people there, and really made the most of his stays there. The hospital was never a scary place (with the exception of the ER, because they can't access ports), it was a place we had to go, and Griffin didn't really mind. I don't imagine I will go often, but I will continue to visit Griffin's friends. Also, I promised Griffin that I would train Zoe to be a Hospital Dog, so that she can visit with the kids, so I have to start figuring out how to do that.
Also, last night, I went to my first compassionate friends Support meeting. It was pretty good. There were many people who had lost their kids to car accidents. To me I couldn't imagine that sudden shock of having my child gone. I feel very blessed to have had the time to say Goodbye to Griffy, and to have Griffy say goodbye to me. It was very sad and comforting to be in a room full of people who could truely understand the pain and emptyness I am feeling.
I miss Griffin more and more each day. It is so difficult to believe he is really gone. He was such a big part of our lifes. So full of life and energy, and I just miss him tremendously.
-Monique
Sunday, January 23, 2005 2:32 PM CST
We are home.
In many ways it is so nice to be home, in others I wish we were still gone. It is so strange being at home with out Griffin. It is hard waking up and not having him run out of his room and say "Good morning Mom." It is hard having all his toys and video games in his room with out him. I could go on all day, I know he is in a better place, but I just really miss him so much. More than words could ever describe.
Disneyland was as good. It was good spending the day with friends, but difficult to be there with out Paige and Griffin. We tried to do things that Griffin would have wanted to do. Blake was big enough for Matterhorn. He renamed it "SCARY", snow white mountain! He loved it, I loved it (I haven't been on that ride for years) Normally Barry would take Griff on it, and I'd stay with Blake. How Griffin would have loved to have us ALL ride Matterhorn.
We bought both a red Mickey Mouse Balloon, and a Pink Mickey Mouse Balloon, tied them together and released them into the sky. It was so hard, but I am so glad that Paige and Griffin are together. I just hope Griffin isn't driving Paige crazy :)
I know life for us has to go on. I know it is going to be hard, and I am not sure how we are going to get through it. Somehow I am sure we will. Buy Stock in Kleenex, cause I have been using them like crazy. I guess it is good I can cry and to get it all out.
I signed Blake up for a couple classes that start next week. It will be good for Blake and myself to keep busy. Blake will be taking an art class on Thursdays and a Tumbling Class on Fridays.
That's about all I can say for now. Thank you all for checking in on us. We love you all.
Monique
Tuesday, January 18, 2005 10:31 PM CST
And so, the next chapter begins.
Today, was the burial at sea. The weather was absoutely awesome. It was about 80 degrees, sunny and just beautiful. I was very nervous about seeing Griffin's ashes, and being able to go through with scattering them in the sea. We chartered a small boat out of the Ventura Harbor, on the boat were 20 of our closest family members. We had donut holes (Griffin's favorite), red rose petals, red carnations, yugioh cup and red balloons. I wasn't quite sure how everything was going to work, or what to expect. It was so difficult to think that this was the last step, that already 2 weeks have past since I held Griffin and told him I loved him.
Originally, Barry wanted to scatter Griff's ashes, but when the time came, he didn't feel like he could do it. I didn't really want to be the one either, but I knew that as his Mom, I NEEDED to. Blakey, of course quickly said Mommy I want to help. Blake helped give me so much strength, he Said "I love you Griffin" and helped me poor the ashes in the ocean. Obviously, I was upset, but I also, had this great sense of peace, for this is what Griffin wanted, and once again, I promised to Griffin that when Barry and I die, we will have our ashes put in the same spot. We all took turns, dropping flowers in the ocean, and then releasing red balloons off the boat. It was really a beautiful momment.
The service yesterday was incredible. So many family, and friends attended. I know Griffin was thrilled that so many people were able to attend. Thank you everyone for attending. We took pictures and video, but since we are still in LA, we probably won't update the site until we get home.
In addition to the service, we had a reception back at the hotel, which turned out incredible.
So many people made this service special to me, and I have so many people to thank. Karen, Oscar, Christine, Jerry, Michelle,Heidi, Haim, Roz, Clarke, Paula, Joanie Thank you for all for everything and for loving us so much. I am so greatful to have all you in our lives. Karen-Thank you so much for coordinating everything, you are such an incredible friend.
To everyone else who attended and helped (i know we had a ton of help!) We love you, and could not have gotten through the last 4 years with out all your love and support.
Anyways, we miss Griffin more and more each day. All our family had flown back to Seattle, and life for everyone else goes back to normal now. For us, I guess we just try to get through each day, maybe each hour. I can go back through pictures of the last two months, and see how truely sick Griffin looked and had gotten. I know that he is in a better place, and truely happy for him. But, everyday life now, is just so incredibly different. He gave me so much each and every day. Griff could always make me laugh. He was such a joy to be around, I miss so many things about him. And I can feel that missing him is going to get a whole lot worse. I feel so lost, I spent 4 1/2 years at the hospital with him, I'm not quite sure what Blake and I are going to do with our selfs now. I do know that as hard as it is going to be, we will get through it, and that Griffin will always be close to our hearts.
We love you all. And please remember, that we don't always get those "big miracles" we pray for, but that if you look hard enough, you can find that life is filled with many "little miracles". Griffin's sure was.
Love, Monique
Friday, January 14, 2005 11:16 PM CST
We are here in LA. We are so happy to be here. I have been having such mixed emotions. It feels so weird to be here without Griffin. In fact the first thing we did after arriving in LA was go straight to Childrens's Hospital Los Angeles. I felt this strong need to see Griffin's doctor and nurses. I think, I needed some closure with them, as well as their comfort. We spent some time there, and visited the 4th Floor, the cancer floor where Griffin spent the majority of his time. It was very eye opening for me, seeing all the kids dealing with their cancer, really made me realize that as much as I miss Griffin, I am truely happy that he is done fighting, that he will NEVER have to have surgery, chemo, blood products, scans, get his port accessed. There are so many things that had just become normal to us, things no kid should ever have to get use it, and I am truely so grateful that Griffin doesn't have to fight anymore. Also, looking back at pictures over the last few months, it is so clear that Griffin's time was up, that he could not have continued here on earth, his condition was just getting worse everyday, he was so ready to go to heaven! And I am sure he is enjoying himself!
With the help of some incredible friends, the service is really coming together nicely. I am sure it is going to be pretty amazing.
Today, I got my hair done! I decided I needed some blonde streaks. When Griffin lost his hair for the second time (with his brain tumor) he was very concerned that his hair might not come back in yellow. I promised him, that we would dye his hair yellow, if it came in brown. Well, it came back yellow, so we didn't have to worry about it. Somehow, in a weird way, having blonde highlights, makes me feel closer to Griffin.
Blakey has been having a blast playing with Aimee and Jesse.
We will be in LA until the 22nd. On Friday the 21st is Barry's birthday, it is also Paige's. The Petersons will be going to Disneyland (Paiges favorite place) so we will be going with them.
-Love, Monique
Wednesday, January 12, 2005 11:01 AM CST
UPDATE: We are leaving for LA tomorrow morning!! -thanks Leo and Jane!
We are making preparations for coming to Los Angeles. Hopefully, we will be flying out tomorrow, but for sure by Saturday.
I feel as though I should update this site,as it has been part of my daily routine for so long, but to be perfectly honest, I don't have a clue what to say. I miss Griffin terribly. It has only been 1 weeks, and it feels like an eternity since I hugged my boy.
I am not in a very positive mood today. Yes, I know that Griffin is enjoying Heaven, but the bottom line is I just miss him.
Thank you everyone for checking in on us, for your prayers, memories and love. I love you all very much and am so gratful to have you in our lives.
-Monique
Sunday, January 9, 2005 0:14 AM CST
Griffin's memorial service at the Dallas Police Headquarters today was truely awesome.
The story of Griffin becoming an honorary Dallas Police Officer made the "TOP STORY" on the channel 8 10:00 news.
I hope Griffin was watching from Heaven, he always wanted to be on the news, and would have been so proud. He wanted everyone to know about a boy named Griffin.
The service today, could not have been more awesome or cool as Griffin would have called it. What a wonderful trubite to his life. The Balloon release was pretty spectacular, we sent hundreds of red balloons up to Griffin in Heaven.
After the service, Blake decided that we could not have had a party for Griffin with out a cake. You just have to have a cake. SO, Blake picked out a little blue cake for himself, and a red cake for Griffin. Blake also decided that we needed to sing a song and have candles so we sang, Happy Heaven Birthday to Griffin. I promised Blake that every year we would have a Happy Heaven cake for Griffin.
He then put a piece of red cake outside, incase Angel Griffin gets hungry and wants some.:)
I want to extend a "HUGE" thank you to everyone who helped out a Griffin's service. It was so much more than I could have ever expected. Dallas Police Department you guys ROCK!! You made my little boy so happy. To all our friends and family, thank you for coming and celebrating Griffin's life with us. Even though Griffin's life was shorter then most, he really lived life to the fullest every single day.
I could go on for a while longer, but I am pretty exhausted, I will update more at a later date.
Love, Monique
Marni, Dane, and Stephanie,thank you all so much for running and coordinating the service. We love you guys.
Nan-Thank you so very much for making the DVD. It really captured Griffin's life well.
Friday, January 7, 2005 11:38 AM CST
Last night, My mom, and sisters Simone and Sara stayed up until 4:30 am sorting Griffin's yugioh cards. I promised him that I would put them all in binders and keep the good ones for ever (but not all the duplicates, that we would keep atleast 3 of each one. It is amazing how many cards he has, while putting the cards in books, we watched yugioh. At first, I thought it might be hard to watch his favorite show, but it actually made me feel closer to him. Even Blake stayed up late watching it. We are all becoming Yugioh experts.
This morning, I was overcome with Grief. As much as I know it was time for Griffin to go to Heaven, there are so many little things I will miss. Like him waking up every morning and saying "Good Morning Mom". He would always give me a hug, and sit and hug Zeus. I miss him asking for Eggo Waffles 5 times a day. I could go on for days.
Barry and I went out to dinner last night. Our relationship has definately changed in the past couple days. I don't think we have ever said "I love you" to each other so many times. I know this journey is going to be so difficult, but I am so grateful that I have such an incredible husband by my side.
Thank you to everyone for all your prayers, condolences, and good wishes. It gives me such comfort reading stories about Griffin. Please keep them coming.
And, it's okay to call us. I am so use to the phone ringing off the hook, and it's hardly ringing. We don't need time alone. We need our friends and family. If we can't talk we'll let you know, just keep the calls coming.
Love, Monique
Monday, January 3, 2005 7:14 PM CST
Update:
Please click here to view www.griffinyarbrough.com, and for funeral services information.
UPDATE: I am at a loss for words. Griffin took his last breath at 4:32 am. It was very peaceful. Barry and I were there with him. Griffin was very ready to go to Heaven, and I hope he was greeted with Red Mountain Dew, Skittles, Starburts and all the Yu-Gi-OH cards in the world.
We will be having both Memorial Services in Dallas and Los Angeles. I will update everyone with dates as soon as they have been decided upon.
Griffin's body will be cremated, and as per his instructions, his ashes will be scattered in the Ocean in California.
Thank you to everyone for all your support, prayers and love.
-Monique and Barry
Today has been another difficult day.
Last night, I am not quite sure what came over Griffin, but he was more talkative then I think he has ever been in his entire life. For those of you who know Griffin well, you know he can talk, well last night, he talked until 3:30am and woke up again at 7:00 am talking again. During this time, his pain was under pretty good control. He was talking about his life, heaven, and wanted to say goodbye to several people. I decided to video him saying goodbye and leaving messages for people. He even recorded a message for both Barry and myself (i haven't heard mine yet). Griffin's ability to express himself is absoutely incredible. He has put into words all his fears, joys, emotions and questions. I will be forever greatful for the time we spent last night talking.
Today, Griffin woke up in a lot of pain. His body is full of extra fluid, which unfortunately keeps on collecting and building up. There isn't anything the doctors can do to help with this. His poor stomach is swollen up like a beach ball, and now his legs are swelling as well. This morning, he woke up talking about Heaven, and how he is ready to go. He asked for our friend Marni to come and read to him out of her bible and talk with him all day about heaven. All day long, it has been myself, Barry, my mom, and Marni in with Griffin. We have had to increase his pain medicine many times, and he continues to have breakthrough pain. It is so hard to watch him in pain. Over and over he has said he wants to go to Heaven now. He has such a sense of peace. Of course I am devestated, but I find myself with a new sense of calmness and acceptance. I truely know that Griffin's place is now in Heaven, not on this earth.
For those who inquired, Yes we have been bringing Zoe in to see him. Almost everyday, she brings so much joy into his life.
I have to get back to Griffin.
-Monique
Sunday, January 2, 2005 7:15 PM CST
How are things? Well they are OK, I guess.
It is so hard to go through these motions, and explain what is happening. Griffin's eye sight is TOTALLY GONE! The last couple days, his vision has been going, but it was this morning when he woke up he said he could no longer see. He has tumors behind his eyes. It has been pretty difficult to watch Griffin go through this. You can't help but wonder why? this would have to happen. I have to say that I am so impressed with Griffin's ability to adapt to this new situation. Normally, something this "freaky" would have really sent him for a loop. But to be perfectly honest, it really doesn't seem to be bothering him that much. All his other senses really have kicked in, a couple days ago, there were certain high frequency beeps of his medicine pumps, that Griffin couldn't hear (due to hearing loss caused by chemo) but today Griffin could hear some of them again. Kinda weird huh. I have also noticed that his sense of smell is greater.
Okay, I have to run, Griffin is calling me. I will promise to update more later.
Love,
Mo
Friday, December 31, 2004 11:31 AM CST
Not really sure how to start this update. Griffin is still hanging on.
Yesterday, he woke up in horrible pain saying "I need to die today." The pain specialist was walking past his door when he started screaming and they immediately increased his pain medicine. Within a couple minutes Griffin was not feeling any more pain. He was talking about Heaven all day yesterday. He had some visions that were pretty incredible. He saw his friend Paige in his room. He said Mom don't you see her it's Paige, she has pink hair, and a big smile and has a horse with her. He also saw his dear friend Ryan in his room. He said Ryan was walking towards him, and got frustrated because Ryan and Paige weren't talking to him. He had such a sense of peace, it was incredible. He said he saw Glitter, and a camera and himself, but he had wings. He said that they were calling his name, I told him to go to them, but he said he couldn't yet, he had to say goodbye. We spent the next couple hours calling people that Griffin wanted to say good bye too. He re-said goodbye to all our family that was here, and said he was going to go to sleep, and wanted everyone to stay in the room with him. I really thought, that Griffin was going to Heaven yesterday, I think he really thought he was too. But, I guess it is not his time yet.
God, is truely incredible. If I ever had any doubt, I no longer do. It was so comforting to hear Griffin talk about his angel friends surrounding him. I definately feel God's prescence, with Griffin and my family.
Please continue to Pray for Griffin to be pain free, to be peaceful and for Strength for me and Barry and my entire family.
Love, Monique
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 12:23 AM CST
I'm not quite sure how to say what I am about to say, but we had to tell Griffin yesterday that he is probably going to die. It was by far the most difficult conversation, I have EVER had to have! At first, he was very upset, obviously, saying he didn't want to die. I told him that none of us want him to die, but that their was nothing more we could do to fight his cancer. He being the smart boy we all know and love asked if we could go to another hospital. I told him, that even another hospital wouldn't help, that it was out of our hands, and we did not know when it was going to happen. He told one of his favorite Texas nurses Brad, "Brad, if I die, can you tell other kids about me. Can you tell them you knew this boy named Griffin, who was so strong and brave and liked to help with his port." Brad assured him he would tell everyone about him.
Griffin then asked both Barry and myself what we want to happen to our bodies after we die. I told Griffin that I wanted my ashes to be thrown in the ocean in California. Griffin said that his what he wants done too. So, we will be making a trip to LA in the near future.
Griffin, also said that he is happy he will be able to see his dear friend Paige and Ryan in Heaven. He has been talking about how exciting Heaven is going to be. I am so glad he is able to express these thoughts with me.
We have a ton of family and friends flying into see Griffin. In addition, he friend Courtney is in the hospital. Courtney (aka Peyton's my Courtney) has been the best medicine. She has brought so many recent smiles to Griffin. We are so greatful that she is here to spend this time with him.
How are we holding up? We are a wreck, I can't believe that this is happening. I am greatful that we have had the last 4 years with Griffin, as I know we could have lost him when he was first diagnosed. Yet, it is still devestating. I can't imagine my life with out my big boy. Please continue to pray for Griffin's pain to go away. That is all we can do now.
We are inpatient. Room 10-422, phone number 214-456-7022, cell phone 214-450-0758, or 214-289-2326. Please feel free to call, if we can't talk, we'll let you know. We love you all.
-Monique
-Monique
Sunday, December 26, 2004 8:08 PM CST
There is so much to update. Many good things and some bad. But I just don't really have time to do it right now.
Griffin definately had a Yu-Gi-Oh Christmas. For the most part he felt okay. He was blown away, with the fact Santa gave him SO MANY! packs of cards. He enjoyed the day. Despite having some of the pain return to his knee.
Today has been a horrible day. Griffin has been sleeping most of the day. His stomach and head really hurt. This situation is really making me scared. He looks pretty horrible. Since, he doesn't have a fever, and doesn't seem to have any urgent situations, we are waiting until tomorrow to go to the hospital and avoiding a trip to the Emergency room. If his condition worsens, we will end up going to the ER.
Please continue to pray for Griffin's pain to go away. It just breaks my heart to see him hurting.
I will update more when I get a chance.
Monique
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 10:23 PM CST
CANCER SUCKS! Bottom line Cancer SUCKS!!
Yesterday was a really rough day for Griffin. His stomach hurt all day, his head hurt and everything just sucked. On a good note he finished radiation!!! and then was off to the hospital to get both blood and platelet transfusions. Griffin needed blood pretty badly. We went to the hospital christmas party, but Griffin just wasn't feeling very well.
Then at 4:00 in the morning, Griffin woke up with a headache and throwing up. I was terified. It was horrible. I automatically associate headache/throwing up with Brain Tumor and I totally freaked myself out. Living with cancer is such an emotional rollercoaster.
On this rollercoaster ride, Griffin woke up this morning, Happy, with no headache, no stomach ache, and no pain!! Our neighboors came to the door and Griffin wanted to go play. The kids played all day long, swaping houses all afternoon. It was so wonderful to see Griffin playing with his friends.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be another good day. Griffin decided that Zoe is her name. We are all in Love with Zoe, except maybe Zeus. He doesn't mind her, but he isn't in love with her yet.
Hugs to everyone! We love you all.
-Monique
Sunday, December 19, 2004 7:20 PM CST
Griffin's surprise has arrived! A female FRENCH BULLDOG. Pictured above. From his friends Leo and Giselle.
We are unsure as to the puppy's name. Griffin can't think of one he likes. I suggested "Zoe" which I thought would be cute cause our other dogs name is "Zeus". Kinda sounds cute together. Griffin and Blake were absoutely blown away! It was the best surprise!
Zeus has really impressed me today with meeting the new puppy. They have been having fun playing together. Zeus was very calm and good with our new girl.
Today, Griffin pooped a ton, which really has helped his stomach. His stomach has still be hurting a little, but not nearly has badly. He is still on pain killers, but has not had any pain in almost 10 days!!! His legs are doing great!
Griffin hasn't been feeling too good the last couple days. Yesterday, his stomach really really hurt. We went to a Christmas party at Barry's cousin Bonnies house. It is so wonderful having family in Texas. Blake had lots of fun playing with Elizabeth. Unfortunately, we didn't stay long, cause Griffin was really not feeling well.
Last week, I had a card left by a "secret santa". Who ever you are, Thank you so much!
A big "Thank you" to everyone at Fedex-Kinkos! I can't begin to express how much Barry and I appreciate your support!
Thank you to the countless people who have sent Yu-Gi-Oh cards to Griffin! The outpouring response has brought me many smiles and tears to my eyes! I am so excited for Christmas, I can't wait for Griffin to wake up Christmas morning!
Tomorrow is Griffin's final day of radiation!! and the Christmas party for the Hospital. We look forward to seeing Peyton's family, Weston's family, Logan's family and Courtney's family.
-Monique
Friday, December 17, 2004 5:59 PM CST
Another Great Day!!!
Radiation count down, 9 done, 1 to go. Monday is his last day!
Griffin felt so good today that he played with our neighboors Tanner, Taylor and August. He was running around outside (I was so HAPPY to see that, yet a little nervous, cause I know his legs are weak). He had a great time being able to play with his friends again.
Yesterday, we were able to meet Griffin's Uncle Jack for lunch. It was so nice to see him. Unfortunately, our visit was short, and Griffin was feeling pretty sick to his stomach. He threw up, and like usual was starving afterwards and felt great again! Griffin had a platelet transfusion yesterday as well.
We should have an exciting weekend. Griffin's big surprise has been rescheduled for Sunday? :( I don't want to have to wait, but it's out of our hands. Tomorrow we are going over to Barry's cousin's house for a Christmas Party. We are looking forward to seeing everyone.
Griffin is busy in his room playing video games with Cousin Michael. It sure has been nice having him visit.
I will make sure to update on Sunday night, and share new pictures of Griffin's surprise!
Thanks for all your prayers! they are sure working!
Love,
Monique
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 1:58 PM CST
Another Good Day!!
Griffin has not had any pain now in 5 days! It is definately a Christmas Miracle! His appetite is coming back,and he is feeling really good. He is still on his 12 hour morphine, but has not had any breakthrough pain medicine in the last 24 hours.
Our Cousin Michael has been visiting from California. The boys have been having a great time playing with him. It sure is nice having visitors.
Griffin has a big surprise coming to him on Saturday. As, soon as it comes, I will post pictures and share this great story. He has NO idea! I can't wait.
Not much else is going on. Griffin has 4 days left of radiation!
We are getting really excited for Christmas. And let me tell you, All Griffin's Yu-gi-OH wishes are coming true. Thank you so much to everyone who has helped make this a true Yu-Gi-OH Christmas! I will make sure to take tons of pictures to share them with Everyone!
Love,
Monique
Sunday, December 12, 2004 9:01 PM CST
NEW PHOTOS!!!
UPDATE: MONDAY DECEMBER 13. Today, was another good day! Griffin actually walked into Radiation today! (he has been using his wheelchair). Our doctor was very impressed with Griffin's quick response! He was actually jumping, and running a little bit today. Although, he will say he can't run as fast as he use to, he has come such a long way in the last 6 days! His arm has been feeling good.
His blood counts have been low, which is nothing new, he has been transfusion dependent for quite some time now. Griffin had a blood transfusion today and is feeling really good. We will check is counts again on Thursday.
Griffin's pain is under control!
He has not had any pain in his arm in the last 2 days!! He is still on a ton of pain medicine, but has been feeling much better. The power of prayer is an amazing thing! God has really shown that to me in the last 2 days. Please continue to pray for Griffin.
This morning, he woke up with sores in his mouth, this usually happens when his platelets are really low. We were scheduled to go into the hospital tomorrow for a platelet transfusion, but rather than wait, we decided to go into the emergency room. Griffin was less than thrilled to spend the day in the ER, but with everything else going on, the last thing we needed was for Griffin to start bleeding and end up spending the night in the ER. So we opted to go to get platelets. Sure enough, is counts were 3,000 (Normal range 150,000-450,000). We spent about 5 hours in the ER today. For the life of me, I will never understand how things can take so very long. Grandma Lucinda, Grandpa Mike and Bella came with us. It was nice for everyone to get to see the hospital. Blake had fun playing with Bella at the playground and showing her the trains.
We have been having a great weekend with our family. We've had to pretty much stay at home, cause Griffin's white count is really low. But, we have really enjoyed having company.
Not, much else is going on. Griffin will go in to radiation tomorrow for day 5 of 10. It also looks like he might be getting a blood transfusion as well. His blood is on the lowerside and because of the radiation, we need to bump him up.
-Monique
Friday, December 10, 2004 12:51 AM CST
4 down, 6 to Go!
Radiation is really helping his legs! Griffin hasn't complained of leg pain in 3 days now. He is able to walk normally again, although he is not running yet, like he wants to be. He is able to get up and down off the couch and get dressed again with out hurting his legs.
His stomach is doing better. And yes he "pooped" yesterday. It is embarrassing to him, but his "pooping" schedule has become the hot topic (poor guy) just don't call it poo poo cause he'll scream at you!
His arm, now that is a different story. He has been in pretty constant pain with his right arm. unfortunately, besides pain medicine, there is not much we can do until he finished radiation on his legs. We take the weeekends off, so his last day of radiation will be on Monday the 20th.
I have to run, he is calling me. Please continue to pray for Griffin to be pain free!
-Monique
Wednesday, December 8, 2004 7:35 pm
UPDATE: THURSDAY! Griffin is still having a lot of abdominal pain. His stomach is hard as a rock. We are hoping he will go to the bathroom soon. In addition, Griffin's right shoulder is really hurting. It has been hurting on and off the last couple weeks. But, the decision was made to hold off on radiation on his arm, until after we see how his legs respond. Plus, you can only get a certain amount of radiation, so I am not sure if we will be able to alivate the pain in his arm. Please pray for the pain in his right arm to go away. He is not in any pain in his legs! The radiation oncologist warned us that he could have a pain flair up in his legs, because of the radiation, but it shouldn't last too long (i'm not quite sure what too long means), but that we are just supose to increase his pain meds, if his legs begin to hurt again.
UPDATE: Griffin is having a lot of gas pain. He is pretty constipated because of all the morphine he is on. We have give him some laxatives, and are hopeful that he will get some relief soon. Radiation went REALLY GOOD today! It was finished really quickly.
Our incredible Neighboors Missy and Candy surprised us with by putting a giant blow-up Santa Claus in our front yard! I will take a picture tomorrow. Then my friend Jill picked out a Christmas Tree for us. Between Candy, Missy and Jill we have our Christmas tree up and decorated. The kids, including Griffin helped put up ornaments. Jill even hung our stockings. We have been so incredibly blessed with such great friends and family!!!
Yesterday was a good day for Griffin. His pain was totally undercontrol :) He was able to move around and walk around alot with no pain.
He had his first of 10 radiation treatments yesterday. Of course Griffin did an Awesome job! Only 9 more to go!
Today, we are just hanging out, and going to Griffin's radiation apt at 3:00 pm. We'll probably get our Christmas tree and start decorating. My dad "Grandpa Mike", my step-mom "Grandma Lucinda" and their daughter Bella, are coming to visit us from Seattle. Griffin is so excited to see them. They arrive tomorrow!!
I am hoping to update pictures today. Sorry, it has taken me so long.
Hugs.
Monique
Tuesday, December 7, 2004 1:32 AM CST
Griffin is feeling much better today!
This is probably going to be pretty quick, as it is 1:30 am and we just got home from the hospital. I am exhausted, but wanted to make sure I updated.
Griffin has been on higher doses of his pain medicine, and it is REALLY helping! He has been so much more mobile. He is still a little cranky (which he sure has the right to be) but is able get around sooo much better.
Our Nurse Kathy came to the house to access Griff's port and draw his blood. We knew he would need platelets tomorrow, because it would be 1 week since his last transfusion. This morning, he woke up with tons of sores on his lips and in his mouth, because of his low platelets. I was pretty sure, we'd need to go in to get platelets today instead of waiting until tomorrow. Anyways, we went to Medical City (another hosptial in Dallas, our current hospital is not set up to do radiation).
The Radiation Doctor at Medical City was great. They did the CT guided simulation for his radiation. I don't really have any of the specifics yet, I will get them tomorrow. But I know they are going to be radiating both of Griffin's legs! He is primarily having pain in his left, but his right has about them same amount of cancer in it, and it is better to do them both at once. Griffin is a champ, and he did great on the simulation. Because he can stay still for the actual procedures, he will not need any sedation. This is awesome, because it means radiation will only last about 20 minutes each day. We do not know yet how many cycles he will have. It will be at least 8 and no more the 12. I'll let you know tomorrow.
After our radiation apt, I called the clinic to see how Griffin's platelets were and they were really low. So we drove to the hospital to get a platelet transfusion, in addition when doing radiation, they like your Hemoglobian to be higher then Griffin's normally stays at so, they wanted Griff to get a blood transfusion as well today. It was a good idea, but since it was already 4:30 when we got to the hospital, the clinic had to admit us to the floor, which meant more waiting time. Griffin didn't end up getting to his room until almost 7. Which meant we wouldn't get out of the hospital until after midnight. It actually worked out pretty well. Blake is having a sleep over at Peytons. And Griffin and I looked at his Yu GI OH magazine for hours. It was nice to have our own hospital room, and I am enjoying the fact we dont' have to spend our entire day at the hospital tomorrow.
Griffin goes in for his first radiation treatment tomorrow at 3:00. I will update tomorrow to let everyone know what the plan is.
Love,
Monique
Sunday, December 5, 2004 12:21 AM CST
First off, I want to express my thanks to everyone who has emailed wanting to send Yu-Gi-Oh cards to Griffin. I can't begin to convey how much this means to me and Barry. The response has been incredible, and I know without doubt, Griffin is going to have a great Christmas full of Yu-Gi-Oh.
Griffin is doing okay today. He has been more mobile, and not taking as much pain medicine. We are taking it easy today, after having an extremely busy day yesterday. He has been itching alot, his poor back is all scratched up. I just gave him some new itch medicine, and bought some back scratching stuff so hopefully that will help.
Yesterday morning, Griffin was in the Neiman Marcus Christmas parade. It went okay, it was sad to see him not feeling well, but he was determined to be in the parade. The parade was televised, sorry I didn't give out the link, until we woke up yesterday at 5:45, I wasn't sure if we were still going. Griffin did pretty well considering. He rode on a float that was a big red wagon. He was able to stay in his wheelchair which was good. He was a little disapointed because originally he was supose to ride in a car with a cool character, but that just wouldn't have worked for him. Instead he went on the float, the other down side was the float had tons of clowns on it. Griffin can't stand clowns. I have to give him a ton of credit, cause he did a great job despite hating the clowns there were riding with him. We are supose to get a video in January, so I will try and post something once I get it.
Yesterday evening, was a cancer party at Six Flags. Blake had an AWESOME time. This morning he wanted to go back. It was so great to spend time with our friends. Peyton, Weston and Courtney's families were with us. Griffin had a difficult time, he wanted to ride on rides, but it just wasn't the best idea, and he wasn't feeling too well. He ended up playing video games with his "partner" Dane (Peyton's dad) for a long time. We finally decided that he could go on the Miner's ride, unfortunately, he had a horrible time, because he felt like he was going to fall out. We decided to go on the Spongebob 4D ride, which by the way is incredible! Both boys LOVED it. It was good to leave on such a positive note, Griffin was very happy to have been on that ride. I was thrilled. We didn't get home until around midnight, so we were all pretty tired.
Tomorrow, our Hospice Nurse Kathy is going to come and access Griffin's port, draw his blood and get him set up for a probable platelet transfusion. At 1:00 pm we have our apt with the Radiation Oncologist, and might possibily start radiation, realistically he will start tuesday.
We are hopeful that radiation will give Griffin the relief he so desparately needs. Please pray that radiation will help him feel better, and take away his pain.
I will try and update pictures later on tonight, we took some from yesterday. Griffey smiled, but you can tell he just didn't feel well.
Love,
Monique
Friday, December 3, 2004 8:20 PM
Update: Please keep those prayers coming.
Today has been a really rough day for Griffin, his pain medicine doesn't seem to be helping very much. We have increased his dose, and he is okay for a little while, but trying to move is really difficult for him today. Right now, he is watching Austin Powers with Barry and laughing. I can't tell you how much I love hearing him laugh. He is such a trooper. After a long day and a many tears shed, we have our appointment with the radiation oncologist on Monday. Griffin will be starting radiation on Monday or Tuesday. Please continue to pray that he will be pain free. He really needs to be comfortable. It is his right arm and his left leg that are hurting.
Love, Monique
************************************************************************** People have asked if there is anything they can do:
Griffin has a Christmas dream of having a stocking filled with packs of YU-GI-OH cards. They are not expensive, they cost about $4.00, and can be found at Target or Toyrus. But, for us, will all our new added prescription costs and hospital visits, I don't know how many I will be able to get him. So, if anyone would like to send a pack of cards, or $4.00 for a pack of cards, we would greatly appreciate it. Please send it attention: Monique Yarbrough not Griffin so that I can save them for Christmas. Please email me at the griffiny22@comcast.net and I will give you the address they can be sent too.
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Wednesday Dec 1st
After a long night in the ER. Griffin is home. Griffin started running a fever around 9:00, we dropped Blake back off at Jill's and Barry and I took Griffin to the Emergency Room. Luckily, his white count was in normal range, so he was not admitted to the hospital. They gave him some IV antibiotics and a platlet transfusion, and sent us home at 4:30 am.
Since being home, Griffin has been having a GOOD day! He has NOT taken any extra pain medicine today. He has NOT complained of ANY PAIN!! He has been able to get around much better. I am so grateful! Please keep those prayers coming, they are definately being answered! Praise God, for Griffey relief.
Although, I am thrilled, I know that we have to take things one day at a time. Today, is good, and hopefully tomorrow and the next days to come will be too.
We are waiting to meet the Hospice Nurse. We will be getting involved with Hospice, they are much more equipt to handle pain management at home. It is a hard step to take, we are by no means giving up hope, or possible treatments, just doing our best to prepare for the future and take necessary steps to help minumize Griffin's pain.
We go to clinic tomorrow to meet with Dr. Aquino and discuss starting radiation on Griffin's left leg. We got preliminary results back on his bone scan, and there is a large tumor in his bone in his left thigh. We are hopeful, and have been told that radiation should help within 24-48 to significantly reduce his pain. We are hopeful to start radiation as soon as possible.
Some how, Life goes on. After endless tears shed, we are regrouped and refocused on the things we can be in control of. The main thing being Griffin's pain. We so grateful for everyones support and prayers. We feel so loved. I want to make sure that everyone knows, that is is okay to call on us. Even multiple times a day, we love each and everyone of you. So, please keep those messages and phone calls coming.
Love,
Monique
Monday, November 29, 2004 8:02 PM CST
Home From the Hospital.
We are home. Griffin is still in a lot of pain. He is on oral morphine, and it seems to be helping. We are hopeful that in the next couple days, we will have the dosing right to get his pain totally undercontrol. The good thing is at night he has been sleeping pretty peacefully. It is only when he is trying to move around alot that his leg really hurts him. He told me today that he missed running. It made me so sad. It is so hard to see my active little boy have such difficulties walking and even lifting his leg. It is absoutely heart breaking, I feel so helpless.
We did a bone scan today, which will hopefully help the doctors figure out what's going on. If there is a cancer spot that can be radiated, he will start radiation, which will help elevate the pain he is experiencing. We are posibily talking about switching chemotherapies. To another oral chemo which could maybe help stop or slow down the tumor growth.
The bottom line is that Griffin's tumors are growing and unfortunately we don't know how much longer he has. It breaks my heart to type this. We are obviously hoping for as long as we can get, and hoping we will be able to ease his pain. We will try and do all we can. And remain hopeful, but reality has really sunk in and we truely don't know how much longer Griffin will be with us.
As soon as I have more information, I will let everyone know.
Please continue to pray that Griffin's pain will go away.
Love,
Monique
Sunday, November 28, 2004 11:28 AM CST
We are inpatient in the hospital! Griffin is in room 10E-418, his phone number is 214-456-7018.
He was admitted to the hospital last night for leg pains.
His legs have been really hurting him the last 2 days, so they have him on a morphine drip. He slept well last night, and hasn't complained much of pain this morning.
We are not sure how many days we will be here. We need to get his pain under control and set up a plan to keep him painfree at home.
We are not sure as to why he is pain, probably, his cancer in his legs in causing the pain. We will do scans hopefully in the next couple weeks, so we can find out exactly what is going on.
Please pray for Griffin's pain to go away. It is so hard to see him in pain.
-Monique
PS: Marni and Dane, thank you so much for being with us last night. It meant the world to both Griffin and myself. We are so thankful to have you in our lives.
-
Wednesday, November 24, 2004 0:18 AM CST
Lubbock, TX here we come.
We had a busy day at the hospital today. Griffin got both blood and platelet transfusions. Blake was playing over at Ryan's house. We were able to attend an incredible holiday party for lunch. It was nice for Griffin and I to be able spend some time together away from the hospital.
I have so much I want to write, as I have so many things and people that I am thankful for. But, I still have packing to finish, and we are leaving around 6:00 am tomorrow. It looks like our drive should be around 7 hours. The kids have a couple new movies, and some netflix to watch in the car, so hopefully time will go by relatively quickly.
I will update again when we get home. We should be back sometime Saturday.
We hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.
We love you all and are so grateful to everyone who checks on Griffin and our family. Thanks for all your support, love and prayers.
-Monique
Friday, November 19, 2004 8:13 AM CST
Yesterday, we went to the hospital to get a platelet transfusion. Griff's platelets were low which we expected, the rest of his counts are hanging in there.
After the hospital we went to see Evan, Ryan and Sophie. The kids were so excited to see each other. I am so grateful that we met this incredible family.
Griffin is at school today. He wasn't thrilled about going. But he is there. I know he enjoys school, but like I said it is the whole waking up and getting there is difficult for him. Tomorrow is his last day of chemo and then he will have two weeks off. Which means he will start getting shots again on Sunday and continue to until we start chemo again in 2 weeks. Luckily Griffin does really well with his shots. I am so proud of him.
We will go to the hospital on Tuesday since they will be closed on Thursday and Friday. Tuesday will be a long day for us, because he will get both a blood and platelet transfusion. Normally his body would be able to wait until next Friday, but since the clinic will be closed on Friday and we will be out of town, we will go in on Tuesday. As, I am sure Wed will be the craziest day of all.
Blake is doing great, some of the things he says are totally hilarious.
We are excited to see the Spongebob movie this weekend, and to spend time with Weston's and Peyton's families.
Hugs to All,
Monique
Wednesday, November 17, 2004 9:56 AM CST
Griffin is doing good. He was pretty tired this morning so he stayed home from school. I think some times doing chemo and school is difficult for him. He has been doing work at home today with me. I am pretty impressed with him, he has come a long way since last year in kindergarten.
Griffin has not had any leg pain now in 5 days!!!! I think his chemo and prayers are really helping.
We had a blast with Aunt Nan and our cousins. The kids all really enjoyed each other. One highlight was going to build a bear and making animals, Griffin recorded messages to his cousins and his cousins recorded messages for Blake and Griffin. These gifts are priceless. Every night before my boys go to bed, the play the messages and hug their animals goodnight. Blake has a polar bear named "Snowflake", and Griffin has a monkey named "Kobe" (after his favorite Japanese Steak house that Great Grandma and Great Grandpa take him too). We also saw the movie "The incredibles". Griffin quickly named all his cousins, his brother and himself. For the last 5 days, Griffin has been going by "Dash" and Blake is "Jack Jack". The movie was great. The kids did a lot of sword fighting, playing, and even made a crazy movie about one of Griffin's scary looking toy. Allie and Lucas named the toy "zacharia" (Beware, Zacharia might find his way up to Seattle.)
It was so wonderful to have Nanny, Lucas, Koa and Allie here to visit. We are so grateful they were able to be here. We love them all so much. And hope that in the near future more of our cousins will come and visit Dallas. I updated new pictures with the cousins.
Not much else is happening. Griffin and Blake are getting excited for Christmas. Griffin is making his wish list to Santa which consist soley of YuGiOh stuff. Blake wants Blue Scooby Doo Toothpaste from Santa. (isn't he silly)
Next week we are going up to Lubbock, TX to spend Thanksgiving with Barry's grandparents.
Hugs to all,
Monique
Monday, November 15, 2004 8:08 AM CST
Back to school.
Griffin went back to school today. Although, he was NOT happy about waking up this morning, and he did get to school a little late, he is there. Personally I think a start time of 7:45 is a little early for kids. Anyways, It is nice to get back into a routine of normalcy.
Califorina was wonderful. With the help of some incredible people, we were able to have a mini van to drive around, a warm place to sleep, home cooked food and tickets/spending money for disneyland. We are so fortunate to have so many great people in our lives. Even Griffin himself will say, "he is glad he has cancer", (then he quickly clarifies), he is not happy he actually has cancer, but greatful for all the people in our lives because of his cancer, and all the wonderful things he is able to do, because of the generosity of people" We realize that our entire lifes, our friends, the things we get to do, and everyone who is close to us is a direct result of his cancer. We are truely, grateful to all our friends and family. We are closer to our family, because of Griffin.
The boys loved Disneyland and California Adventure. The hightlight was when Griffin and Matthew (Griffin's good friend who also has Neuroblastoma) convinced the Mom's (me and Cathy (Matthew's mom) to ride the Tower of Terror. Griffin said, the ride didn't go very fast, and I would be okay, that is was easy, meanwhile he is fighting back laugher because he thinks he's pulling a fast on off on me. Matthew was grinning bigger than I've ever seen. It was truley priceless the boys conning their moms to go on this triller. I have to say it was pretty SCARY. Actually really scary, but all worth the joys it brought to our boys. I'd do it again just to see the looks on Matthew and Griff's faces. Jordan also loved the Tower of Terror. Blake loved Peter Pan and Toad's wild ride. We had a great time. My mom went with us, and the Olson's were there. It was a perfect day.
The rest of the trip went by really quickly, we were able to visit with friends and family. We had a couple day visits to the hospital, so Griffin could get platelet transfusions. We were able to see many nurses and doctors from the hospital that we LOVE, I am so grateful for that opportunity.
We were able to spend a day at the beach with Griffin's friend Leo and Tobey. It was a blast. Griffin is so grateful for their friendship.
The boys went to Chucke Cheese with Uncle Jack. And LOVED every minute of it.
Griffin was able to spend the night at Rox and Russell's to get in some much needed video game playing with Russell.
We spent time with Mark and Sara, and Simone, Marcel and Dean.
We saw Shelley and Christian, our dear friends. Who we love so much. Griffin's especially loves their dog Brandi and wanted to bring Brandi home to Texas.
The boys, spent the day at the zoo with Simone, Dean and Grandma Vivi. I couldn't believe how much Dean has grownup, it is hard to believe my little nephew is NOt a baby any more, I have been told that he is now saying "Aunt Mo" I can't wait to hear him.
We had lots of pre-Halloween festivites. Trick or Treating at the hospital. Griffin ended up being a Ninja and Blake a boy with a cape. (In some pictures Blake is actually a magician, but his hat kept falling off) The boys went to the halloween party at the learning place, and LOVED seeing everyone. Especially teachers Joanie and Pammie, who are like family to us. We love them so much.
Rox and Russell came up to Karen's house and we carved pumpkins with Aimee and Jesse. We were able to spend many nights at their house. It was wonderful for the kids to be able to spend so much time together, and amazing to think the kids have grown up to gether. We are grateful to Oscar and Karen for their hospitality and friendship. We love you so much.
We spent many nights in Joanie and Peter's guest house. It was so great to spend time with them. Both Griffin and Blake really enjoyed sword fighting with Steve. We are so grateful for their hospitality and friendship. We love you, Joanie and Peter. I especially enjoyed seeing Marvin the squirel.
We saw Mumsie and Granddad, Brian, Mimi and the Girls. We miss them all so much. It was so nice to see our family. We are hopeful they will make their way to Texas for a visit in the near future.
There was so many people we weren't able to see, but please know that it didn't work out to see everyone, and that we love you all every much.
And, Lastly, we were able to spend time with our dear friends the Peterson's before Paige became an angel. I love that family with all my heart, and am so filled with sadness about Paige's passing. I am so grateful that we were able to spend some of her last days with her. Words can not express how much we will miss Paige and how truely blessed I feel that we were able to come to LA and share with Paige and her family, how much we loved her and how much she means to us. I was also, so moved by the wisdom, my son Griffin displayed, he went to say "goodbye" to Paige on several occasions, he held her hand and told her that he would play with her again in heaven one day. Griffin and Paige have walked in the same shoes, with the various treatments they both have been through and that has bonded them in such a special way. Our lives have been touched so much by Paige, she was such a shining example that you can MAKE the most of any situation, she always wore a smile and a positive attitude. She was so full of love, strength and determination to have a great time despite the diagnosis of cancer. Her mission was to tell people know that KIDS GET CANCER, and we have to do something about it. She was and always will be a spokes person for childhood cancer. Paige was just one of those kids, who instantly captured your heart. Our lives are better because she was our friend.
Paige, I want you to know that you will forever be in our hearts. That not a day will go by, without us remembering your sweet smile and your friendship. We love you.
That was our Califorina trip in a nutshell. I have a ton of pictures and will try and rotate them often.
My aunt Nan and cousins, Lucas, Allie and Koa were just here from Seattle, we had a blast with them. I will update our site in a couple days, with all the fun and new pictures fromm our adventures with them.
We love you all so much.
Monique
Tuesday, November 9, 2004 9:30 AM CST
We are home. California was great. I have so much to update, we had an awesome time, but to be honest, I am just not in the mood to update. Our precious friend Paige passed away this morning. I'm not quite sure what to say right now, I am so consumed with sadness. We will forever miss Paige.
I will try and update about our trip tonight or tomorrow.
Griffin and Blake are feeling good and we are happy to be at home.
-Monique
Tuesday, October 26, 2004 8:11 PM CDT
California here we come.
We are home from the hospital and packing for our trip.
-Monique
Tuesday, October 19, 2004 6:57 PM CDT
California here we come!!!!!! It looks like me and the boys will be leaving on Oct 27th and returning on Nov 8th. Barry will leave on Nov 3rd and return with us. We are all so excited to see our family and friends! Blake and I met another Neuroblastoma family today. Blake and Victoria (she is 4) had lots of fun playing at the mall. It was so nice meeting another mom that can 100 elate to our lives. Victoria is NED, and has been out of transplant for 1 year. She is adorable. Griffin had a great day at school. I am so glad he enjoys school so much. He has really enjoyed playing with our neighbor Tanner. They have been having tons of fun. I updated the pictures. Check out Griffin riding his bike. I took some digital video but can't figure out how to post it on the site. If anyone wants to see it, please email me, I'd love to send it to you. We go to the hospital tomorrow. I am curious to see what his counts are. Griffin had yesterday and today off of chemo. He has enjoyed his break, and will be starting back on chemo tomorrow for 5 days, and will have a 2 week break afterwards.
Love,
Monique
Saturday, October 23, 2004 10:50 AM CDT
Looking Good!
Griffin had a great night. He slept well and his fevers are GONE!! His apetite is back. He is full of energy. Griffin has been nicknamed "Trampoline Boy" because he keeps bouncing back! never staying down long! Griffin just amazes me! Yesterday, he realized he could call room service and order HIS OWN FOOD. He also realized he didn't need my help to hold his urinal. If you could have seen the look on his face. It was priceless! He is so independent! He also asked Housekeeping if he could help her clean his room yesterday. It was so cute (don't tell him I'm telling this story, he'd say I'm embarrassing him). He helped her wash the windows, and was so proud to be helping. Griffin wants to help her again today.
Griffin has been having a blast playing new gameboy games sent to him by his friend Leo. Thanks Leo!
We are still waiting on the sensitivites to make sure he is on the same antibiotics. Monday is looking good for geting out of this joint.
We can't wait to visit LA! Only 4 more days!
Love-Monique
PS: Cheri-Thank you so much for the halloween box. Griffin loves the pumpkin! and especially the flashlight!
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Friday Oct 22:
Update: Griffin is feeling great! His blood cultures came back positive, he as a gram positive bacterial infection. He will need to be on IV antibiotics for a while. We are waiting for the sensitivities to come back so we can make sure he is on the correct antibiotic to fight his infection. We are not going to finish the next couple days of chemo, we will start back up in two weeks.
The final report is back on his head, and HE IS FINE!
If everything continues going well, which I am sure it will, he should be released on Monday. He will get a platelet transfusion and possibily blood to ensure he is tanked up for our plan trip to LA. *****
If anyone would like to call, we'd love to talk. My cell phone battery is dead, and I don't have my charger. So give us a call 214-456-7008. If we don't answer we might be in the playroom or on the other line, but please try again, cause we'd love to talk. It gets rather boring in the hospital.
Friday, October 22, 2004 2:16 PM CDT
*****Update: Griffin is feeling great! His blood cultures came back positive, he as a gram positive bacterial infection. He will need to be on IV antibiotics for a while. We are waiting for the sensitivities to come back so we can make sure he is on the correct antibiotic to fight his infection. We are not going to finish the next couple days of chemo, we will start back up in two weeks.
The final report is back on his head, and HE IS FINE!
If everything continues going well, which I am sure it will, he should be released on Monday. He will get a platelet transfusion and possibily blood to ensure he is tanked up for our plan trip to LA. *****
Griffin is in the hospital!
Yesterday, Griffin had a horrible headache and started running a fever. He was admitted to the hospital. I was a little concerned, actually really concerned, because his head hurt so badly, and then he started throwing up. The doctor agreed we should do a head CT. We don't have the official report back yet, but EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD. Griffin is definately the rebound KING! He is feeling so much better today, you'd never know he was so sick yesterday!
Blake is at his friend Ryan's house. He is having a BLAST! It is so nice, for him to be playing with friends instead of hanging at the hospital. It is also good to be able to devote all my attention to Griffin.
If anyone would like to call, we'd love to talk. My cell phone battery is dead, and I don't have my charger. So give us a call 214-456-7008. If we don't answer we might be in the playroom or on the other line, but please try again, cause we'd love to talk. It gets rather boring in the hospital.
Hopeful, we will be out sometime this weekend. We are still planing on leaving for LA on Wednesday. We are so excited.
Love, Monique
PS: CC thanks for your latest package. Griffin was so excited to get something yesterday! He loves the pumpkin peeps.
Friday, October 22, 2004 11:11 AM CDT
Griffin is in the hospital!
Yesterday, Griffin had a horrible headache and started running a fever. He was admitted to the hospital. I was a little concerned, actually really concerned, because his head hurt so badly, and then he started throwing up. The doctor agreed we should do a head CT. We don't have the official report back yet, but EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD. Griffin is definately the rebound KING! He is feeling so much better today, you'd never know he was so sick yesterday!
Blake is at his friend Ryan's house. He is having a BLAST! It is so nice, for him to be playing with friends instead of hanging at the hospital. It is also good to be able to devote all my attention to Griffin.
If anyone would like to call, we'd love to talk. My cell phone battery is dead, and I don't have my charger. So give us a call 214-456-7008. If we don't answer we might be in the playroom or on the other line, but please try again, cause we'd love to talk. It gets rather boring in the hospital.
Hopeful, we will be out sometime this weekend. We are still planing on leaving for LA on Wednesday. We are so excited.
Love, Monique
PS: CC thanks for your latest package. Griffin was so excited to get something yesterday! He loves the pumpkin peeps.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 11:44 PM CDT
Today was a long day at the hospital.
Griffin had blood and platelet transfusions. He started chemo again today, and will have chemo 4 more days followed by 2 weeks off. Griffin is up late watching cartoon network, he took a long nap at the hospital today. I am hoping he will fall asleep soon. We leave for Los Angeles in 7 days! We are all so excited to see all our friends and family.
-Monique
Tuesday, October 19, 2004 6:57 PM CDT
California here we come!!!!!!
It looks like me and the boys will be leaving on Oct 27th and returning on Nov 8th. Barry will leave on Nov 3rd and return with us. We are all so excited to see our family and friends!
Blake and I met another Neuroblastoma family today. Blake and Victoria (she is 4) had lots of fun playing at the mall. It was so nice meeting another mom that can 100 elate to our lives. Victoria is NED, and has been out of transplant for 1 year. She is adorable.
Griffin had a great day at school. I am so glad he enjoys school so much. He has really enjoyed playing with our neighbor Tanner. They have been having tons of fun.
I updated the pictures. Check out Griffin riding his bike. I took some digital video but can't figure out how to post it on the site. If anyone wants to see it, please email me, I'd love to send it to you.
We go to the hospital tomorrow. I am curious to see what his counts are. Griffin had yesterday and today off of chemo. He has enjoyed his break, and will be starting back on chemo tomorrow for 5 days, and will have a 2 week break afterwards.
Love,
Monique
Sunday, October 17,2004
"I DID IT, I DID IT"
Griffin can now Ride a 2 wheeler bike, with out training wheels! I am so proud of him, in just 2 days he has come so far. Turning is still a little difficult, besides that he is riding like a pro.
With the help of some incredible friends, we are going to be visiting LA really soon. We are finalizing travel plans in the next couple days. It looks like we will be gone from Oct 28-Nov 8.
It will be so great to see all our friends and family. We are excited and hope to take the boys to Disneyland while were there.
Friday, October 15, 2004 8:53 AM CDT
Griffin had his first CUB Scouts Meeting yesterday! He was happy to go to the meeting with his dad. We asked about how the meeting went, Griffin said it was okay, but I know that as he gets more involved, he will love it.
We spent the day at the hospital yesterday. Griffin's blood counts were really good (for him) is ANC (which helps fight infection) was still 854, his HB was 9.1. His platelets were low (which we expected) so he had a transfusion.
We got the bone marrow results, and I honestly don't know what to think about it. There is really no way to compare his results from 3 months ago with the results from last week. 3 months ago, there was cancer cells present in his marrow, and last week, there was cancer cells present. Neuroblastoma is not like Leukemia where the cancer is in your entire bone marrow. Neuroblastoma cells clump in your marrow, so you can find cells, but you can't say x f your marrow is full or not. I am hoping this is making sense.
The bottom line, he still has cancer in his marrow, is it the same? or better? or worse? we really don't know. 4 years ago, I was told it doesn't matter, how much cancer is in his marrow, if there's 1 cell or 1 million cells, we don't want it there and the treatment plan is the same.
What do we do? We are moving forward with the Oral Chemo and hopeful, that it will stablize Griffin's disease. We will rescan his body after 3 cycles. Scaning will be the only way to see if we are making any progress against his cancer.
Doing chemo orally, has been so wonderful for Griffin! He loves not having his port accessed! It has really giving Griffin the break and the normalcy he so desperately needed. And that is all I want for my son. For him to be able to live life like any other 6 year old. His strength and courage is such an inspiration to me. He is my hero.
-Monique
Wed, October 13, 2004
***ORAL CHEMO IS AWESOME!!!** Griffin started oral chemo today. I was kinda nervous that he wouldn't like they way it tasted, but he said it was fine. I can't tell you how thrilled both he and I were! He said this is way better then being accessed! We played at the park afterschool with Nathaniel. Nathaniel has an older sister, and a younger sister that is 2. Blake and Becca had a great time. Tomorrow, Griff will go to school for a little while, and then go to the hospital for counts and probably platelets. ******
Tues, October 12, 2004
Not much is going on. Just wanted to let everyone know that Griffin starts his new chemo tomorrow. It is liquid (Griffin would much prefer pills) so we are hoping it doesn't taste too badly. He has to mix it in Ocean Spray Cranberry juice. So we have bought, CranGrape, CranRaspberry, and CranApple, in hopes that Griffin will like one of them. Griffin is not much of a juice drinker. I think it stems from all the times when he was little and we mixed medicine with juice. But, he would rather drink the medicine, then have to be hooked up, so I don't think we will have any problems. We are hoping that this chemo will allow Griffin much more freedom as he will not have to have his port accessed 10 days of the month.
Griffin is feeling good. He had a cough this morning, so I had him stay at home from school. He has been taking cough medicine and trying to take it easy (yeah, right, Blake and him are running around the house like crazy). I am hoping we can control his cough, cause I don't want to end up with a fever and stuck in the hospital.
Well, Blake has been bugging me to make chocolate chip cookies since 7:00 this morning, so I'm going to go bake.
Hope all is well with Everyone. Check out the new pictures.
-Monique
Friday, October 8, 2004 7:13 PM CDT
**Update: We had a pretty lazy weekend at home. Griffin was scheduled to fly in an airplane yesterday, but due to the rain and fog, the planes were grounded. We all went to see Sharks Tale yesterday and really enjoyed it. Griffin had a sleep over at our neighboor Tanner's house. He had so much fun, he didn't want to come home this afternoon. Griffin is back to school tomorrow. ***
Griffin did Great!
This morning, I was actually pretty impressed as our appointment and surgery was very prompt. Griffin did great this morning with not being able to eat. He only mentioned that he was hungry once. I made sure he knew that as soon as the procedure was over and he woke up from anesthesia he could eat a popsicle (he is used to being spoiled back in LA and they let him eat donut holes, since we frequented the surgery department and know a number of Anestesiaologist on a first name basis). Anyways, before they called me back, Griffin was already eating his popsicle. Our doctor took a sample of his bone marrow from both sides of his back (by the hips). At first, Griffin was a little caught off guard because in the past couple times they have done it on the front of his hips. He was in a little bit of pain, but was doing really well. Within a couple minutes Griffin was brought back to his recovery room and allowed to eat his beloved donut holes. He has been eating donut holes immediately following surgery since he was 2.
Griff has been a little sore, but not to sore to run and jump around. He just amazes me. He has been playing all day with our neighboor friend Tanner. The boys are having a blast playing video games.
We do not have any results yet, we will probably get them some time early next week.
Griffin will be starting his chemotheraphy this week doing the ORAL versions of the medicines rather than the IV. This is a Phase 1 clinical trial, we are chosing to do the drugs off study as he does not qualify to be on study (only because he is currently doing the same drugs IV). The only difference is that he has to be on an antibiotic for 5 days before starting chemotheraphy, which will mean chemo starting on Wednesday (instead of monday)-Sunday, and off Monday and Tuesday, then back on Wed-Sun. We normally like to have the weekend chemo free, but since this is all oral, we don't mind the weekend time. The dose of the Irinotecan is much higher given orally, so I am hopefully that we will get a really good response.
Tomorrow is going to be a really excited day for Griffin. Involving flying a real airplane. I will take tons of pictures and be sure to update tomorrow or sunday.
Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Monique
Wednesday, October 6, 2004 9:04 PM CDT
Update: We were at the hospital today all day. Griffin needed both blood and platelet transfusions. The platelets I expected (as he has his bone marrow aspiration and they need to make sure he doesn't bleed) needing blood so soon worries me a little bit. His Hemoglobin was only 7.1 (last week before his transfusion he was 6.1) which I would have thought with getting blood last week, he would be higher. Oh well, the good news his his ANC is 1224!!! That is so awesome, his white count is also way up at 2.4. I can't even tell you how long it has been since his white count and anc have been this high. Since stopping his gcsf shots those counts are expected to drop a little but hopefully won't go as low as before.
Griffin also got a flu shot today. The rest of the family is was incouraged to get shots as well. I'm looking in to getting the rest of the families shots asap.
We have to leave the house a 6:30 am tomorrow to get Griffin into surgery. He is supose to be at the hospital by 7:30 but will not go under until 9:30. Needless to say, tomorrow morning is going to be difficult as Griffin will not be able to eat until have his procedure. I really miss the surgery department back in LA, they really knew us and some how were very accomodating with Griffin and his need to eat the second he wakes up. We are hoping that tomorrow will go smooth, and praying that we will get the same results as last time. I can deal with NO CHANGE!
State Fair Day!
We had a great time today at the state fair. Griffin's new favorite food is "Fried Cheesecake". I'm sure it's about a zillion calories, but man does it taste good.
The kids had corn dogs, cotton candy, and slurpees. They rode some rides, Blake loved the rockets and Griffin was thrilled cause he is finally 42" (well with his shoes on) so he was able to ride the rollercoaster with his dad. I was so happy for him! It really made him feel like he was getting older.
My highlight was feeding a girafee (they just happen to be my favorite animal). The boys loved the barn, they fed pigs, cows, goats, sheep, the girafee, lamas, an ostrich. We had a blast.
We decided to go see a dog fresibe show. It was so incredible, because sitting next to us, was Griffin's favorite friend from school Nathaniel. (talk about a small world) Griffin was so excited to see Nathaniel, and it gave us Moms a chance to get to know each other. I couldn't believe it when his mom said she was a pediatric nurse (she use to work at Childrens). Isn't that incredible. We watched the dog show and some cat show together. Griffin was sad to say goodbye to Nathaniel. But we promised to get together soon.
Later, the kids went to play in a water fountain kinda thing. Oh my gosh, they had a blast. (of course I had packed a change of clothes for both of them) We have some pictures and I will update them later.
I have to be getting to bed. We are supose to leave at 6:45 am to get to the hospital. Griffin will have his blood counts checked and for sure be getting a platelet transfusion. We will have to see about blood. I will be happy to get in early, so hopefully we will get out early. Let's just hope we all wake up, we are kinda exhausted from our long busy day.
-Love, Monique
Tuesday, October 5, 2004 2:04 PM CDT
We are having a great week off of chemo and school. How nice it is to have a Fall Vacation. The weather is wonderful nice and cool, we had thunder storms yesterday, which was exciting for us Californians.
Barry and I had a great Saturday night out, while our boys had a sleepover at Peytons house. It was so nice to be able to sit and really enjoy a meal. Dane and Marni, thank you both so much for keeping our boys. We are so greatful for your friendship and absoutely love your family.
Yesterday, we took the boys to planet pizza (we ended up not going last friday). Griffin met a new friend Jonathan (his mom is going to be Griffin's cub scout leader). The The kids had a blast playing with Sophie, Evan and Ryan.
Today, we are just hanging out, the weather is nice. We've been to the park and are just kinda taking it easy.
It looks like we are going to the state fair tomorrow. It is suspose to rain, so we will see if we are able to go.
On the medical front, Griffin goes into clinic on Thursday. He will for sure be getting a platelet transfusion, we will have to see how his red blood count is going.
On Friday he will have a bone marrow aspiration, so we can check his cancer levels in his marrow. I am hopeful that this chemotheraphy will show his levels unchanged. Of course, I would love to hear his marrow is cancer free but realistically, I will take "stable" meaning no change. I am trying not to think about it, but testing is always stressful.
Anyways, I hope all is well with everyone. We appreciate each and everyone who comes to Griffin's site to check on us. Thank you so much for all your thoughts, prayers and support.
We love you,
The Yarbroughs
Friday, October 1, 2004 10:02 AM CDT
**NEW PHOTOS UPDATED***
We had a long day at the hospital yesterday.
Griffin's red blood cell count was really low 6.1 (normal 11-15). He should have been feeling pretty lousy and lacking energy, this however was NOT the case. Griffin was still running and jumping around. He has been going 14 days inbetween red blood cell transfusions, this week he only went 11. Initally, I was kinda freaked out, cause he had dropped so much since Mondays counts of 7.8. After talking to our doctor, I am not as concerned. We are going to check his bone marrow (bone marrow aspiration) next thursday, so we can see where we are at. The last time we checked was the beginning of July, he had some bone marrow disease. Hopefully, his marrow will be improved, or at least the same. His platlets were really low 5,000 (which we expected) so he received a platelet transfusion as well.
His ANC (which helps fight infection) is up to 615! For Griffin this is really, really good. That means his GCSF shots are helping his bone marrow produce white blood cells! This is probably the highest his count has been in a couple months.
We are going to be off chemo again next week. Griffin will start back on Chemo Oct 11th for 2 weeks, and then be off 2 weeks. Both his doctor and I agree that he needs 2 weeks off inbetween treatments. I really think this will help his body recover and hopefully keep him fever and infection FREE!
Griffin's doctor and I are also looking into switching his chemotheraphy to the oral version, instead of the IV. That way Griffin would not have to stay accessed 2 weeks out of the month. We need to get more information from our doctor back in LA and see if this treatment would work for Griffin.
Griffin and Blake are very excited for their upcoming slumber party at Peyton's house tomorrow night! Barry and I are looking forward to going out to a quite dinner with out our boys. Marni and Dane, thank you so much for taking the boys for the night!
Griffin gets out of school early today, we are going to run to Target and get the boys Halloween costumes. Then we are going to go to Planet Pizza (simular to Chuck E Cheese) with Evan, Ryan and Sophie. We are so excited to have met such great friends in Plano.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Love,
Monique
Wednesday, September 29, 2004 4:23 PM CDT
***MY MOM COMPLETED HER LAST RADIATION TREATMENT TODAY!!***
I am so excited for my mom that she has completed her treatment! She has no evidence of cancer! I am so proud of my mom for getting through her treatment. Mom, I love you so very much.
Griffin is doing great! He has a doctors apt tomorrow morning, and will for sure get a platelet transfusion and possibily get a blood transfusion (depending on his counts). Blake will be going over to play with his friend Ryan, so he won't have to spend the day at the hospital with us!! Jill, thank you so much for taking Blake.
We had a great day yesterday. Marni and Peyton came up to our house. Blakey was so excited to have Peyton over. We picked up Griffin from school and all went to the $1.00 theater to see Shrek 2. I just love that movie theater!
Not much else is going on. Griffin has fall break next week, so I think we will try to go to the State Fair.
-Monique
Monday, September 27, 2004 8:39 AM CDT
**Update** We are home from the hospital. Griffin's platelets were still 16,000 so we are holding off on transfusing him. We will go back on Thursday, to see the doctor and probably get platelets.
Griffin's back at school!
On Saturday, Griffin started back up on the GCSF shots (they help his bone marrow produce white blood cells, which will help him fight off infection). He will be on them for 7-10 days. Griffin is absoutely incredible, when Barry gives him his shot, he doesn't move or scream. He is such a trooper. We go to the hospital today for a cbc (blood) check and possibly a platelet transfusion. On thursday we will also go to the hospital to meet with Dr. Aquino to discuss when we are going to be starting chemo again.
We had such a Wonderful day on Saturday, we went to Build A Bear with Logan, Peyton and Weston. It was so nice to spend the day with the kids, their siblings, and family. The kids had the best time, Griffin was really sad when the day was over. We took a ton of pictures,I hope to upload them tonight.
We were able to get some of the kids photos at the picture place. Check out the photos.
Well, Blake and I are off to do errands.
-Monique
Friday, September 24, 2004 8:34 AM CDT
This week has been pretty uneventful! Griffin has no school today, and ending up staying home all week. His white count has been really low, so we have been taking it easy at home to avoid getting an infection. We have been going to our favorite place, the $1.00 theater almost everyday! The kids love going to the movies, we recently saw Garfield and A Cinderella Story. Blake says he liked Ella Enchanted better than Cinderella, but both Boys loved Garfield.
We can't wait until tomorrow. We are getting together with Logan, Peyton and Weston and all going to Build-a-Bear! We are so excited as we have been planing this party for a while. My boys are so excited to spend the day with their friends.
On the halloween front, as of today, it looks like Griffin is going to be Batman and Blake is going to be spiderman. We will see if they change their minds.
Not much else to report.
Thanks to everyone for all your prayers and support. We love you all.
Monique
Tuesday, September 21, 2004 12:56 AM CDT
I put up new pictures that were taken 9/22/04 at Sears.
We spent yesterday at the hospital. Griffin needed both blood and platelet transfusions. Which meant we were in clinic from about 10:30-6:00. His hemoglobian was down to 6.8 and his platelets were only 6,000. (we expected he'd need both). His white count is still really low. I have never been too worried about him getting an infection. But with this last hospitalization, I am really nervous about him getting sick and winding up in the hospital.
Today, Griffin wanted to stay home from school. So, he is home. He is feeling good, I just think that with being at the hospital so long yesterday, and then getting chemo last night, he feels like he needs to relax. To be honest, I'm happy to have him home. Blake and Griffin have been playing pirates all day.
Griffin has 4 more days of chemo and then will have a break for a week or two. I am hoping on 2 weeks off.
Not much else is going on.
-Monique
Sunday, September 19, 2004 11:12 AM CDT
Griffin is doing great! He has his port unaccessed (his needle is out) so he is able to get wet and have fun with out worrying about pulling his needle out. On Friday, he was thrilled to go swimming in his friend Evan's pool. Griffin loves to swim, he had the best time!
We were also plesantly surprised that his platelettes were not as low as usual. A normal persons platelettes range from 150,000-450,000. In the past 9 months (since his treatment in San Francisco) I don't think his platelettes have stayed about 27,000 with out getting a transfusion. On Friday his platelettes were still 16,000. Don't get me wrong, 16,000 is really low, but it meant that Griffin didn't have to get a transfusion!!! He has been needing weekly transfusions since May. He will get platelettes on Monday, but that will be 10 days since his last transfusion. Which for Griff is awesome!
Yesterday we went to see the movie "Sky Captain" Griffin absoutely loved it! and then went to the 25th annual Plano Hot Air Balloon Festival. Unfortunately, it was too windy for the Air Balloons to take flight, but they still had many inflated and glowing for the nightly celebration. They also had incredible fireworks. We had a great time, I brought my camera but forgot to recharge it, so I was unable to take any photos.
Today, we are just taken it easy. The boys and I are making banana bread (their favorite) and we are hanging around the house.
Hope all is well with everyone. We love you very much.
Monique
Thursday, September 16, 2004 8:27 AM CDT
Hooray, Hooray! Today is the last day of IV antibiotics!!!!!
Griffin and I are both so excited that he will finish his antibiotics today. It has been a long 21 days. Although, not nearly as long as it could have been had we not been released from the hospital so early.
His hip is back to normal. Yesterday he was running and jumping and rough housing like normal. I am so glad it is all better.
We have some new friend in Plano. We are so excited to have meet them. Ryan is 3, Evan is 5 (in Kindergarten), and Sophie is 7. Ryan has neuroblastoma, he is 1 year post transplant and cancer free! We are so happy to have met this family. They live about 5 miles from our house, and the boys are having the best time playing with them.
I updated the photos, with some new pictures we took at build a bear the other day.
Love,
Monique
Tuesday, September 14, 2004 8:10 AM CDT
Staying home from school.
Well, I wasn't quite sure what to do with Griffin this morning. Recently, he has been sliding on the ground (like when a baseball player slides into home plate) I spent the weekend telling him not to slide, that he could get hurt. Somehow, sliding was more fun than listening to me. Anyways, yesterday after school, while we were waiting for his conference with his teacher, he slid on the sidewalk. Now, today, his hip really hurts. I am hoping it is just that he pulled it when he slid and not that it is his cancer making him limp. (When he was 2, one of his symtoms was his leg hurt and he was limping) I am assuming he pulled something when he slide, because he was fine until then. Grif is in a decent amount of pain when he walks so I am keeping him at home. He is lying on his bed with a heating pad on his hip and we are hopeful that he just needs some rest.
Griffin's conference with his teacher went really well. Academically Griffin is doing great! In adition just in the last couple weeks, he has improved so much from where he ended last June. He has better letter recognition, and knows the sounds for almost all the letters. I think keeping him back in Kindergarten was a really good thing.
Anyways, the boys are trying to decide what they want to be for Halloween. Griffin wants to be something scary.
-Monique
Sunday, September 12, 2004 7:54 PM CDT
Not much is going on. We went to the $1.00 theatre and saw Shrek 2 today. That movie is pretty hilarius.
Griffin is still on IV antibiotics. He has 5 days left. We decided that he will be starting chemo on Monday (tomorrow). Chemo at home is such a good thing!! We will probably go into clinic on Thursday for him to get platlettes and to talk to our doctor.
Hope everyone is doing well. We love you all very much.
Monique
Wednesday, September 8, 2004 10:38 PM CDT
Busy Day at the Hospital!
When Griffin got home from school yesterday he was looking pretty pale so I decided it was better to take him into clinic today rather then to wait until our appointment tomorrow. I was sure glad that I did his hemoglobin was down to 6.7 (which is pretty low). We were in clinic from about 10:30 until 5:00 pm today. Griffin got his transfusion and looks much better. I was happy to get his transfusion over with, but kinda sad because we don't have to go to clinic tomorrow, so we won't be running into Peyton and Logan :( We are thrilled to hear that Weston is getting out of transplant on Friday! We will all have to get together outside of the hospital really soon.
Not much else is going on. We are debating on whether to start Griffin back on chemo Monday or waiting another week until he is completely finished with his antibiotics. We are going to go into clinic on Friday for a CBC check and will decide then when we will be starting.
-Monique
Tuesday, September 7, 2004 7:21 AM CDT
Back to school.
Griffin is going back to school today. Needless to say, he can't wait! I am so happy he enjoys going to school so much.
We had a wonderful labor day. We decided to go to the Fort Worth Science and History Museum. Blake and I had been before, and were excited to see how Barry and Griffin liked it. Both bys really enjoyed themselves. Griffin especially enjoyed the dinosaur dig area. After the museum we went up to the planetarium. We saw a movie about Saturn. The boys were hilarious. Blake asked if we were in outerspace? Griffin said, "No, we don't have space suits on". The funniest was when, the movie was talking about pixels and transmitting data. Blake says rather loudly, "Pickles, I hate pickles." (it was so funny)
We then went to the Omni theater showing of the Sacred Planet. The show was pretty amazing, Griffin thought it was okay, Blake had a really difficult time sitting still.
Anyways, that's about it for now. I have to go unhook Griffin's antibiotics and get him to school. I will update more later.
Love,
Mo
Sunday, September 5, 2004 10:32 AM CDT
Sorry it has taken me so long to update.
Griffin is feeling great! He is still on IV antibiotics and will continue to be until the 17th of September. He will be off chemo until he is finished with his antibiotics. This makes me a little nervous, because it means he will have been off chemo for 3 weeks, but I know that we need to make sure this infection is totally cleared up and to knock his counts down with chemo while he is still fighting this horrible infection is not a good idea.
My sister Sara and her boyfriend Mark are visitng from California this weekend. The boys have been having a great time visiting with them. We went to the Dallas World Aquarium and had a great time. It was much more like a Zoo then just an aquarium, they had howler monkey, a crocodile, jaguars and much more. Sara and Mark leave tonight, I am sure going to miss them.
Not much else is going on, we are just really enjoying being at home.
We are so thrilled cause all our Texas buddy's are doing great!
Griffin is excited to see Logan on Thursday at clinic. Logan is getting his PORT OUT!! (Griffin is a little jealous, but happy for his friend)
Peyton is finishing up her scans on Tuesday. Peyton, we are so proud of your for doing your scan with no sleepy medicine!!! The best news is that her scans are CLEAR!!
Our little buddy Weston's ANC is coming back! He is starting to feel better and should be getting out of BMT in a couple weeks.
Griffin should be going back to school on Tuesday!
Thank you everyone for all your prayers and support. We love you all.
Monique
Tuesday, August 31, 2004 7:15 PM CDT
Hooray! Hooray! We are home from the hospital!!!!
We are so thrilled to be home. Griffin's infection is still serious, and we will have to be on IV antibiotics until Sept 16th, but they have worked it out so we can do the antibiotics at home!!! He will be out of school the rest of this week and we'll see about next week. We go see the doctor on Thursday and will discuss if he will be starting chemo again on Monday.
He is feeling good and is full of energy. We got the final results back on the MRI of his brain and his brain is FINE!
I will update more later.
Monique
Friday, August 27, 2004 10:24 AM CDT
******We will have to be in the hospital for 21 days! That is a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, but makes sense because his infection is pretty serious.********
******Update: Griffin is feeling great. He is just bored! Which is fine, I can deal with boredum. I can home last night, to get some sleep, clothes and spend time with Blakey. Griffin was thrilled to have his dad stay at the hospital with him.
The doctors attempted a spinal tap yesterday and were unsuccessful. They gave Griffin the maxium doses of sedation and his body just did not want to go to sleep. He was realitively calm so they attempted, but once they stuck the needle in his spine he was screaming and moving too much so they had to stop. It was pretty horrible, Griffin doesn't really remember (atleast that part of the medicine worked. He had a rough 1 1/2 afterwards while we were waiting for the medicine to wear off. They are not going to attempt again, so they will just assume the infection is in his spinal fluid and increase the duration of the antibiotics. We are not exactly sure how long we will be in. Probably at least a week. If you get a chance and would please call Griffin at the hospital, he would love to hear from you. The hospital number is 214-456-7007.
Back in the hosptial!
Griffin is doing much better today! Our prayers have been answered!
This is what happened yesterday. At about 10:00 am I got a call from Griffin's school nurse. Griffin was in the office, he had a fever of 102, he was throwing up, had a horrible headache and shaking with the chills. We rushed to the hospital. We met with the doctor and it was apparant he had an infection and would need high dose antibiotics again. A few minutes later, Griffin had a seizure. It was so scary! (he is fine now) The doctors rushed him down to the CT department to scan his head. I was terified that he might have a tumor growing in his head again. Thank God, his CT of his head was clear!!!! Griffin went back up to the clinic and started getting IV antibiotics. He was so sick. His blood pressure was very very low, he still had a fever and was exhausted. They were able to transfer him back to the 10th floor. Once there, they attempted to give him a ton of fluid, to try and help his blood pressure. They tried and it was not helping. It was explained to me that his body was in septic shock, that when you first get antibiotics and have a horrible infection, when the antibiotics gets in your system toxians are release and your body can go into shock. He was his pressures were really low, his arms and feet were turning yellow as they were not getting enough blood. They had a doctor from the ICU come down, and were talking about taking him to intensive care to give him medicine to help his blood pressure. Just as the doctor from ICU came down, Griffin started to turn the corner, the fluid was finally helping and his blood pressure started getting higher.
This morning, Griffin was up starving, and joking and back to his normal self. He still has a pretty bad infection a (Gram Negative rod) but it looks like the antibiotics are helping tremendously. They are going to do a spinal tap today to see if the infection is in his spinal fluid. It is my understanding that in the event his spinal fluid is positive, it only changes the duration of the antibiotics.
We will be in the hospital for a minimum of 7 days. Maybe longer, and will be on antibiotics for a while.
I can't begin to explain how emotional and scary yesterday was. To see Griffin today, you would never imagine he had such a difficult day today. We are greatful for everyones thoughts and prayers. They really worked!
Okay, Griffin is bugging me to get off the computer. Blake is staying with Marni and Peyton! He is having a Blast. I will update more later, when I can get back to the play room.
Love,
Monique
Thursday, August 26, 2004 9:37 AM CDT
Chemo is going really well this week. Griffin has been feeling great. We go to the hospital tomorrow for a platelet transfusion. He will probably need to get a blood transfusion too. We will see what his counts look like.
Barry is taking Griffin to the cub scouts enrollment meeting tonight. Griffin is really excited.
Peyton is coming over to play with Blake today. We are going to go see Clifford the big red dog at the $1.00. Blake couldn't sleep last night, he was so excited to see Peyton.
I finally took the boys to Sears to get their pictures taken. I use to go all the time, and realized that I have not been since Griffin relapsed last summer.
Check out the photo page.
Love,
Monique
Tuesday, August 24, 2004 10:13 AM CDT
Hello All,
We had a great weekend. Barry's cousin lives about 1 hour from our house. She has a daughter Elizabeth who just celebrated her 5th birthday. My boys absoutely love Elizabeth, she is such a sweet girl. We had a great time getting to know Barry's side of the family. I am so happy to have family in Texas~
Griffin is back at school and loving every minute of it. When I dropped him off yesterday, I was thrilled cause the kids were so excited he was back. His teacher is wonderful and totally supportive of his situation. He hasn't really had any homework which is a big change from Kindergarten in LA. He has been excited about that.
Blake is almost totally potty trained!!! I am so thrilled! Yesterday although was bad as he had several accidents, but all in all he has been doing great. Blake is looking forward to seeing Peyton this week! He loves her sooo much!
I signed Blake up for a preschool class through the parks and rec dept. Unfortunately, it only meets once a week, but it fits in with our budget! He will be going to school on tuesdays for a couple hours which will give him time away from Mommy and me time to clean the house without a 3 year old messing up everything I have just cleaned.
Griffin is going to be joining the club scouts! I know he is just going to love it. Especially since he will be going with Barry! He really enjoys being with his dad.
I am going to a cancer support group tonight. I can't wait. I really miss the group I was a part of back home in LA. It really helped me deal with everyday life. I feel so disconnected and I am hoping that this group will help me feel more at home in Texas.
Not much else is happening. Griffin started chemo again last night. He will have chemo mon-fri this week and mon-fri next week. I am so grateful that we are able to do this stuff at home!!!
My sister Sara and her boyfriend Mark are visiting next thursday! I can't wait to see them.
Well I have to jet. Tons of errands to do.
Thanks for everyones love, support and prayers.
We love you all.
Monique
Friday, August 20, 2004 3:00 AM CDT
Our Scans are Done.
I know I should be updating this site, but I don't have any official test results. I wanted to wait until I had results, but I am not sure when that is going to be as our new scans have to be compared with our old scans. Unofficially, his MIBG scan looks better!! There appears to be a lot of improvement in his legs. Meaning that our current chemotheraphy is working! I am trying not to get too excited, because I want to wait for the final results, but wanted to let everyone know that things are looking good. We met with Griffin's doctor and things look good. We will continue on our current chemo plan for probably another 4 rounds (3 months) and then retest.
Griffin is feeling great. He has a couple more days of IV antibiotics and will start chemo on Monday.
Anyways, I will update more later when I have official results.
Love to all,
Monique
Tuesday, August 17, 2004 5:00 AM CDT
***Barry is working on a new site for Griffin's pictures. Please go check it out at griffinyarbrough.com ***
Home From the Hospital!
We got home from the hospital around 3:00 yesterday. All in all the hospital stay was fine. Griffin will be on IV antibiotics until Sunday evening. He gets hooked up 3 times a day for an hour. Not bad. I am working on retiming them, as it is 5:00 am and I am awake while his antibiotics run. He is feeling great, and his pain he was experiencing in his shoulder and port site are gone!
We go over to Medical City (a near by hospital) for his MIBG injection today and his scan tomorrow. We have a doctors appt on Thursday to go over the results and our plan as far as chemo. Hopefully our current chemo is helping and we will remain on it.
Besides that, this week should be uneventful, Griffin's counts are low, so we will be hanging out at home, and he will not be able to attend school.
I will update more later.
love,
Monique
Saturday, August 14, 2004 10:11 AM CDT
We are inpatient at the hospital!
On Thursday night, Griffin got a fever of 103 and was in a lot of pain in his shoulder and port site. (his port is where he gets his IV in his chest). We had to go directly to the Emergency room. Griffin and I arrived to the ER at 11:00. He was immediately started on 3 different IV antibiotics. His red blood count was low so he would be getting a blood transfusion later that evening. At about 4:00 am we were moved to our room up on the 10th floor. Honestly, I was kinda nervous about being suck in the hospital that was not CHLA. I was really missing all our nurses back home. I am happy to say that the hospital here is great! The fact that the kids have private rooms (instead of sharing with 1 and sometimes 2 kids) makes such an incredible difference in the entire hospital experience. Another nice thing is the playroom is open on the weekends!!
Yesterday Griffin had a rough day. His shoulder was really bothering him and he just didn't fell very well. He was scheduled for his routine CT scan on Monday and I asked if we could get on the schedule and just get his scan over with. They were able to get Griffin on the schedule. Griffin started drinking his contrast (radioactive drink necessary for his scan, and unfortunately the drink they have here is very very different from what he is use to in Los Angeles. To make a long story short, the drink was horrible, he had to drink like 24 oz in a hour. Each sip was a struggle, he was able to get down about 1/4 of it and threw it all up!
It just wasn't going to happen, the only option was to put a tube down Griffin's nose into his stomach. Griffin was not happy about it, but knew there was no way he could drink it all. So he got it and was able to be scaned. Also, they did x-rays of his shoulder. Which came back normal, so we think he just pulled or twisted something falling off his bike when he was trying to ride with no-training wheels. He was so determined to ride it, but I guess it was not the best judgement to allow him too.
Yesterday, Marni, Lindsay and Peyton came to visit Griffin. We were so happy to see then and spend time with them. Lindsay was so sweet and brought a nintendo and a ton of games for Griffin to play. Griffin was thrilled!! Thank you so much Lindsay. Thank you Peyton and Marni for coming to see us. We so appreciate your friendship, love and support!! Sherrie, Weston and Colton were also here at the hospital for Weston's scan. Griffin was so happy to finally meet Colton and Weston. It was so nice being in the company of friends. Sherrie, Weston and Colton we are so happy to have met you, and so grateful for your friendship. This Neuroblastoma stuff is so difficult. In the past 4 years we have had so many scares with Griffin and our Neuroblastoma friends, our case manager would always say "IT's nothing, until It's something." Much easier said then actually believed, but it is true. There was some concern with Westons leg and we are happy to report *****WESTON'S SCANS ARE CLEAR*****NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER*****
Anyways, we found out last night that he has a bacterial infection in his blood. They are giving him antibiotics to help it. I can tell it is working because there is a dramatic difference in his mood and how he is feeling today. He is back to his normal self, he woke up at
6:30 this morning ready to play and has been joking and eating all morning.
It looks like we will be inpatient until Monday or Tuesday and then go home on IV antibiotics for another 5-7 days.
Thank you everyone for all your love, support and prayers.
-Monique
Wednesday, August 11, 2004 11:21 AM CDT
At Home Chemo!!!
So we officially started doing chemo at home on Monday night. I can't even begin to express how truely wonderful it is! I feel like in the last couple days we have been given our lives back! We no longer have to live in the outpatient clinic at the hospital! The way it worked out is, Griffin gets his chemo at night, we start around 7:30-8:00 when he is winding down getting ready for bed. I hook him up to his hydration (which runs for an hour) then he gets hooked up to chemo (which runs for an hour). I am thrilled that I am able to administer the chemo and do not have to rely on a nurse coming to the house, this really allows Griffin to have a more normal life. So now, Griffin is able to go to school all day, come home and play for hours and then get chemo before going to bed!! It is awesome. In fact today after school we are going to go see a movie at the $1.00 theatre. After 2 1/2 months of being at the hospital almost every M-F it sure is nice not to have to go.
We will still have to go to the hospital like 1 or 2 times a week for blood transfusions, blood draws or doctors apts. We are cool with that, it sure beats 3 weeks out of the month. I am not so patiently waiting to find out our up coming schedule of Griffin's scans. All I know is that our CT scan is on Monday August 16th. Hopefully I will have dates for our MRI and MIBG soon. I will let you all know.
I just updated new pictures of Griffin. Go check them out.
-Monique
Saturday, August 7, 2004 10:33 AM CDT
***Update****Another visit from the tooth fairy! Griffin's other bottom front tooth was also loose. He was wiggling but still needed sometime before falling out. Today the boys were playing rough, Blake kicked Griffin in the mouth and I heard Griffin laugh and say "thanks Blake, you made my tooth fall out". Needless to say, Griffin is excited for another visit from the tooth fairy.
****Also, I wanted to let everyone know that it appears this chemo is helping. We just got the results back from Griffin's urine yet. (With neuroblastoma you can check the urine levels for evidence of tumors) Anyways, back in May when we found out Griffin's cancer was back yet again, his levels were 3 TIMES higher than normal. I am thrilled to report that his current levels after only 3 cycles of this new chemo are almost normal!! We will be doing scans soon, so we will have more precise results soon, but we can take this as a sign that things are NOT progressing badly.
A day of good news!
For those of you who don't know Griffin's story regarding his teeth, I will update you. When Griffin was 2 1/2, before he could get admitted for his bone marrow transplant he had to go to the dentist to get his teeth cleaned and insure he didn't have any cavities. To make a long story short, Griffin went into surgery to get his teeth cleaned and any cavities filled. When he woke up, his 4 front top teeth were gone. Apparently, the chemo had rotted them and the dentist were unable to fix them. So my little 2 year old had 4 missing teeth. Over the last 4 years Griffin has had filings on almost all of his teeth. In December 2003 he had a horrible tooth ache and ending up going into surgery and having 2 of his bottom molers putted and his 4 bottom front teeth silver capped. It was upsetting to me that my little boy had so many teeth problems. Griffin was actually excited about his silver teeth, he thought they made him look cool, like a pirate, and he was happy to see silver instead of the yellow he used to see. Anyways, this is becoming much longer then I wanted. YESTERDAY, Griffin lost his first tooth on his own. It was so exciting for him to be able to wiggle it, and to have it finally come out. He was thrilled to have a visit from the Tooth Fairy, and actually have a tooth to put under his pillow!! I am so grateful that he was able to experience that.
Another piece of good news, the hospital and our insurance company have worked it out so a nurse will come to our house to administer Griffin's chemo!!! WOO HOOO!!!!! This is so amazing! This means that Griffin will be able to go to school all day, and have the nurse come after school. We will still have to go to the hospital probably once a week for blood or platlet transfusions. But once is cool with me!!! This is going to save us about 4 hours a day, and allow us to have a more normal life. I am so thrilled.
Our vistors have arrived, so I will update again later.
-Monique
During this journey, we have met some incredible families. Please go visit our friends and keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
Paige
Peyton
Logan
Weston
Thursday, August 5, 2004 11:53 AM CDT
Griffin started school yesterday. We are having him repeat kindergarten. Last year he only attended about 1/3 of the year. Due to the fact that he is still undergoing treament and he will be missing school, we thought it best to keep him behind. All is all I think this was a good decission for Griffin, it wasn't a matter of not being smart enough (for we all know he intelligent)just that he missed so much. Griffin is actually thrilled about school. He is now the oldest (having a July birthday, he was one of the youngest last year), but not the tallest (as he said) he is though closer is size to the younger kids. Last year he was the smallest in his class (the radiation he had when he was 2 really effected his height).
Kindergarten is all day from 7:45-2:45. Some of the highlights from his day are going to Music and Gym class. In LA he didn't have them. He is really looking forward to studing science and doing experiments. He also is excited about his locker. I will have to take a picture of him with it tomorrow. He is also enjoying the smaller class size. In LA there were 32 kids in his class and now he only has 21. I think he is going to have a great year.
We have worked it out with the hospital that I pick Griffin up from school and bring him straight in for chemo. Yesterday it worked really well, we got to the hosptial around 3:30 and were out by 5:30. It still makes for a long day for Griff but at least he is able to go to school. We are working on doing chemo at home and having a nurse come here. We are hopeful this could start next week.
Now I need to find a preschool for Blake. I am having a difficult time, as with me not working, I can't really afford very much for preschool. Hopefully, we will get this figured out soon, as Blake really needs something of his own, and would greatly benefit from going to school. Not to mention, the last couple mornings he has been saying "Mommy, Blakey has to go to school, where is Blakey's school."
We are excited to see Barry's Grandparents this weekend. They live in Lubbock and are coming to visit.
Thats all for now.
Love,
Monique
Monday, August 2, 2004 8:27 AM CDT
Griffin's coming home!!!
I am so excited to see and hug my big boy! His plane lands around 12:30pm Dallas time. I spoke to him this morning, and he is really excited to be coming home. Mostly because he misses his dog "Zeus".
Griffin had a great day yesterday, he was able to play video games all day with Aunt Rox, Russell, Aunt Sara, Mark. Griff was also able to spend the day with his sister Jordan, saw Grandma Barbara and spend time with Grandma Vivi.
Barry, Blake and I got together with Sherrie, Daryl, Colton and Weston this weekend at first Monday. (a huge flea market) It was really nice to walk around with friends. I can't wait to get Colton, Weston and Griffin and Blake together. They will have a blast.
Anyways, I am not sure if we see the doctor today. But I am sure today is going to be a long one. The doctor decided to wait until after this next round of chemo to do scans. I guess it is good, so we won't have to worry about scheduling them on Griffin's first week of school. He will do chemo this week though, so he will probably go to school half days.
Tomorrow is meet the teacher day! and Griffin starts school on Wednesday. Due to Griffin's excessive absences last year (he missed 2/3 of school) we have decided to have him repeat kindergarten. Kindergarten here is all day, so that will be nice for Griffin. Griff is pretty comfortable with re-doing kindergarten. Especially since he will be missing school due to chemo. Griffin has a knack of always finding the positive aspects, and he is just thrilled to meet new friends in Texas. Being a July birthday, he is also excited that he will be one of the older kids, not one of the youngest!
Alright, I have to get ready to leave for the airport.
Love,
Mo
PS. Sara & Mark, -Thanks for picking Griff up last weekend and making sure he got to camp. I know he really enjoyed playing video games with you guys. I am so grateful for all your help. I love you guys!
Rox & Russell-Thanks for helping get Griffin yesterday and for coordinating getting Jordan! I am so happy they were able to spend the day together. I appreciate everything so much. I love you guys. Russell, thank you so much for getting Griffin to the airport at the crack of dawn, I know Griff wasn't thrilled about have to be there around 5:30 am.
I miss and love you guys all so much.
Friday, July 30, 2004
*****Check out the new photos*******
**Griffin's platletes were 15,000 (not good) Normally we would have waited until he showed signs of bleeding or bruising, but since he is flying home Monday, the docs want him transfused. The doctor and nurses at camp were able to coordinate it so that one of his counselors and camp nurses drove hime up to LA (they are about an hour away) late last night and Griffin was able to a platlete transfusion in the ER last night, so that he would not have to miss the fun stuff during the day.
I was able to talk to Griffin while he was at the hospital. He was a little sad cause he misses us, but I know he is enjoying camp. He was crying cause he was getting platelets with out me, and he said "but mom, you are always with me when I'm at the hospital." I have to say it took EVERYTHING I have to not cry with him. I knew I couldn't, I and had to be strong for him. I talked to the camp nurse again at 5:00 am (3:00 am LA time) and Griffin's platlets were almost finished. Since Griffin has had so many platelet reactions recently they now give him a dose of steriods prior to the transfusion, I think the meds really helped Griffin just sleep through the entire process. It was so difficult not being there for him, but I know he was in good hands with his camp counselor and nurse. I am so glad the doctors were able to coordinate so he didn't miss the fun stuff during the day. **
Hello everyone,
Blake and I have enjoyed spending time together, but I am so ready for Griffin to come home. 9 days away is a really long time! I spoke to the camp nurse today and she said Griffin is doing great! He is handling getting shots everyday really well, in fact he does it infront of a group of people, so he can show everyone how brave he is. Griff just cracks me up, he just loves attention :) We are waiting on Griffin's blood counts to see if he will have to go up to LA tomorrow to get platletes. My guess is Yes. He has been needing platletes more and more, and do to the fact he will be flying home on Monday, the will probably want his platletes higher. We will see. I will keep everyone updated.
We are waiting for a schedule of our scans next week. I am starting to get those pre-scan jitters. Obviously, we are hoping that Griffin's scan are better, but realistically, I will take the same. If the results are the same, we will continue on our current chemotheraphy (the doctor is working on having a nurse come to our house, instead of us having to go to the hospital 15 days a month). If the scans are worse, we will have to try something new, I am not sure what that might be.
The good news of all this is that Griffin is feeling great. When I look back over the last 4 years, it is absoutely incredible how much he has endured. And to look at him, you would never know. He has such an incredible spirit, is so energetic and really embraces life and lifes opportunties.
I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of prayers and thoughts for our family.
Please continue to pray for Griffin as we go through his scans and decide our treatment path.
Love to all,
Monique
Monday, July 26, 2004 12:06 AM CDT
HORRAY!!!! WE NOW FINALLY HAVE OUR INTERNET WORKING!!!!!
Hello to everyone! Thanks for everyones birthday wishes to both Griffin and myself. We are so grateful for everyones love and friendship.
We are all doing great! Griffin is back in LA at Camp Dreamstreet this week. This is his 3rd summer at camp and he loves it more than anything. I talked to him yesterday and his plane flight was good, and he had a blast playing video games with Aunt Sara and Mark. He will be at camp until next Sunday. Aunt Rox and Russell will pick him up and he will spend the night with them and fly home on Monday morning Aug 2.
Blake and I are enjoying not having to go to the hospital this week. We are getting stuff done around the house and having some mommy & Blake time. We miss Griffin already but know that he is having the time of his life. We found a $1.00 movie theater really close to our house that we are really enjoying. They play the older movies, like Scooby Doo 2 and Blake's favorite Ella Enchanted. (Blake wants to see Ella again this week which will make 3 times)
I will update new pictures later this evening or tomorrow. And promise that I will update this site on a regular basis again. I have to run a couple errands, but will be back soon.
We love you all!
Monique
Wednesday, June 30, 2004 8:04 AM CDT
We made it and are anxiously awaiting the delivery of our furniture and belongs. Originally our stuff was supose to be delivered between the 30th of June and the 3rd of July. Well, yesterday we called just to check on the trucks progress and found out that our furniture and all our belongings are still in a warehouse back in beverly hills and as of yesterday morning, they did not even have a driver assigned to move our stuff. To make a long story short, our stuff will be delivered on the 6th, and we will continue staying in a hotel until it arrives. We are all very anxious to get settled in our new home. The boys were excited to see our new house. Zeus loves the backyard (when he's been out). It's been raining alot, which is kinda a nice change for us. Anyways, we go to Dallas Childrens Medical Center tomorrow to meet with our doctor, and I think Griffin might need to get some blood. OVer all he has been feeling.
To all our friends and family. We miss you so much and love you all.
To our new Texas friends. I am so grateful that we have met over this website. I can't wait to meet you all in person. We love you all. I will sign your guestbooks soon.
-Monique
Friday, June 25, 2004 5:51 PM CDT
A day for goodbyes.
This is going to be short, cause we have a ton of things left to do before our flight tomorrow. We have had an exciting and emotional week. It is so difficult to say goodbye all our friends and family. Griffin's chemo went well this week. We are happy for a week off. We will be in Dallas tomorrow night.
I will update again soon, when I am not short for time.
Love to all,
Monique
Friday, June 18, 2004 4:36 PM CDT
Yahoo It's Friday!! Only 8 days until we move.
This has been such a long week. Overall, we had a good week at the hospital. Chemo went pretty well. With the exception of Griffin throwing up a couple times on wednesday, he felt GREAT all week. I think it was his favorite drink, a vanilla bean frappicino that made him feel sick on Wed. (dairy doesn't mix well with his current chemo)
We have had a busy week, visiting with friends and getting ready for our up coming move. We spent some time at Griffin's old preschool playing with the kids, saw the Torp family (my boys love them so much!)on Wed. and spent yesterday afternoon with the Rodriguez family! The kids had a great time. The cutest thing was when the kids were on the hammack, using baseball bats as oars, and were playing pirates!
Yesterday, I noticed my tire was looking low, so we stopped at Sears, and they found a nail in my tire. I was so grateful that I noticed, and I didn't have a blow out. Sears was able to repair my tire, the downside was it would take 2 hours! After being at the hospital for 4 hours the last thing I wanted to do was sit at Sears for 2 hours. We decided to make the most of it, and walked to the mall. The kids have been wanting to go to Build a Bear and since they just got money from Great Grandma and Great Grandpa last weekend, it was a perfect idea! The kids had the best time. Blake picked out a monkey. He named him Bananas and has dressed him in black jean shorts, with a tank top that has a dragon on it. Griffin picked out the newest bear at build a bear. He is a big brown bear. Griffin picked out a superhero costume for him, it had a lightning bolt on it so he named him Lightning. We all had a wonderful time. As soon as my camera has charged I will take a picture of the kids and their animals.
Tomorrow is Blake's 3rd Birthday! I can't believe it has already been 3 years. We are going to my mom's to go swimming with his aunts and uncle. I so look forward to seeing my sisters tomorrow.
-Monique
Monday, June 14, 2004 9:36 PM CDT
Rough day at the hospital.
Today was pretty tough for Griffin. It started out last night when we found out my cousin came down with chicken pox. Griffin was playing with her on Friday, and on Saturday she developed chicken pox. Both Griffin and Blake had been immunized but with all Griffin's chemo he is at risk of breaking out in chicken pox and we only have 13 days until we move!
We got to the hospital and immediately had to go into an isolation room. This is hard for Griffin has he is normally strolling the halls, and playing in the playroom. They went to access Griffin's port and his port wasn't working, so they had to take the needle out and do it again. (Having to get the needle repoked is really painful and difficult for Griffin) The hospital started a new computer system today, so understandably things moved really slowly. With Griffin's chemo, he can't eat for 1 1/2 hours before he takes his pills and then 1 hour after before his IV chemo.
Griffin had to have 2 large shots in his legs today (I can't remember the name of the medicine). Getting this shot 72 hours after exposure to chicken pox is supose to keep you from breaking out with them. Hopefully, between the shots today, and the fact Griffin was re-immunized for chicken pox is March 2003, he should NOT come down with them. It is an automatic hospital stay of about a week if he gets them. So hopefully everything will be okay. He will have to remain in an isolation room at the day hospital while he gets chemo for the next two weeks. The shots reallly really hurt, I felt so bad for Griffin. (they were nothing like his GCSF shots he would get for weeks at a time). Even now, four hours later Griffey's legs still hurt.
The highlight of the day was that Uncle Jack surprised us and came to the hospital to play with Griffin. His timing good not have been more perfect. Griffin and Blake we thrilled! They all played and made the most of a long day.
Tomorrow should be tons better. Hopefully we will be in and out in a four hours (today took 7-8).
We had a great weekend. Hope everyone else did.
-Monique
Thursday, June 10, 2004 10:40 PM CDT
Griffin went on his first field trip at school today!
He was a little nervous, cause he wasn't sure it was going to be fun. While Griffin was at school Blake and I drove to our pediatricians office (back in Arcadia, about an hour away) for Blake's 3 year old check up. Blake had to get a shot and cried for his brother. Despite the shot, Blake enjoyed the doctor and everything checked out great!
When I picked Griffin up from school. He was excited to tell me how GREAT his field trip was. They went to the Sheriffs' office, the Fire Department and then to Coldstone's for icecream.
It looks like Griffin will be repeating kindergarten, especially if he remains on this chemo therapy (where he is on chemo 3 of every 4 weeks). Although, Griffin is a quick learner and very smart, he has missed over 2/3 of the school year. We have tried to complete all the work, but it just isn't the same as the classroom experience.
I am hopeful that they have afternoon kindergarten in Plano so we can spend the mornings getting chemo and the afternoons at school. Throughout this entire process, I have really tried to keep Griffin's life as "normal" as possible. We will see what happens, I don't really need to worry about it yet.
This week free from chemo, sure has gone by quickly. We are up for a busy weekend. We are going to the Cancer Survivors party and then out to La Qunita to vist my grandparents.
Check out new photos.
Love,
Monique
Wednesday, June 9, 2004 12:21 AM CDT
Griffin is at school today! At first he didn't really want to go. But once he was there he was excited. (he has been off for the last 3 weeks due to chemo)
We are going to the hospital today so Griffin can get platlettes. The rest of his counts are still good. :) The Olson's are going to be at the hospital too. We are excited to get to see them.
We are getting ready for the upcoming move! It is hard to believe it is right around the corner.
This saturday we are going to the Cancer Survivor Party! It will be our 3rd year. We love going and visiting with all our friends, nurses and doctors. Griffin is excited to see Paige. My mom is going to be coming with us. We got really good news from her scan and her tumor is GONE! She will do one more round of chemo and then radiation. I am so grateful for her good response to chemo.
Check out new photos!
-Monique
Monday, June 7, 2004 11:10 PM CDT
Sunday was a great day!
We went fishing on the Olson's boat. We all had a great time and were able to catch quite a few fish! Griffin was thrilled to actually catch some. Blake really enjoyed him self except when he got sea sick, Griffin got sick also (but immediately felt better). The boat was so nice and relaxing. We all had so much fun with the Olson's. We are really going to miss them.
After fishing,we went to my sister Sara and Mark's house. Simone, Marcel, Dean, Rox, Russell and My mom were also there. We all enjoyed ourselves.
Today we did errands. Griffin got his blood drawn at the lab. We don't have the results back yet. I have a feeling he will need to get a platelette transfusion this week. He has so many bruises. He feels great and is still full of energy. It was so nice not having to go to the hospital this morning. I am gratful for this week off chemo.
Please check out the new photos from the fishing trip.
-Monique
Saturday, June 5, 2004 0:57 AM CDT
So glad it's Friday!!
We are all so happy that Friday is finally here. Outpatient chemo takes a lot out of you. Griffin has been feeling really good all week.
Today we celebrated both Blake and Griffin's birthdays (a little early, Blake's birthday is really June 19, and Griffin July 13). But since we are leaving to Texas on June 26th we decided to have a big party for both boys before we left. We went to Chuck E Cheese's and had a Blast! It meant so much to be surrounded by our friends and family. Everyone seemed to have a wonderful time. We have so many incredible people in our lives, I am so grateful for each and everyone of them.
Tonight, I had to say my first Goodbye. (a friend will be out of town when we move and tonight is probably the last time we will see him for a while) It really got to me. I looked around at all our friends and family, and can't believe that we are leaving California. I know that the move is going to be a good thing for us, and frankly, we have to move (we can't be unemployed and insurance less) but now that the reality of it is sinking in, I am so sad to leave. I can't imagine how I am going to say goodbye to my sisters. They mean the world to me, and I know that we will visit, but it just won't be the same.
Anyways, tomorrow we are going to a Make a Wish picnic at the Zoo. It should be lots of fun.
Thanks to everyone for signing the guestbook! We love reading it!
I will probably update new pictures tomorrow.
-Monique
Thursday, June 3, 2004 8:05 AM CDT
2 more days of outpatient chemo.
This weeek is going by pretty fast. Outpatient chemo has been going well. Griffin has been feeling great! You'd never know he was getting chemo. Blake has been really helpful going to the hosptial everyday this week. Blake has really grownup in the last year. I will be so happy once tomorrow is over though. Having to be on chemo 2 weeks is really draining, I am happy that we are not inpatient this week, but driving in every morning is really exhausting.
It looks like we will be moving on June 26th. We are all very excited and a little anxious.
I'll update more later, I have to get on the road and to the hospital.
-Monique
Sunday, May 30, 2004 2:45 PM CDT
We are home!!
We got out of the hospital on Friday around noon.
We had a great Friday afternoon in Redondo with Grandpa Mike, Gramma Lucinda, Bella, Rox, Moni, Marcel, and Dean. Griffin is so excited that his grandparents are here visiting. We went over to Sara and Mark's. Rox picked Russell up from the airport. We were all so happy to be together.
On Saturday, we went to the Long Beach Aquarium with the Olsons, Peterson's and Clarke. We had a great time. After wards we went over to the Olson's for a BBQ. Mike took Barry, Jordan, Griffin and Matthew on their boat and they went fishing. Everyone had a wonderful time! It was so great to spend the day with our friends. I am really going to miss them all when we move.
Griffin is feeling AWESOME!! You would never know he just had 5 days of chemo. He has been playing like crazy. I am so grateful that he feels so good.
I hope all is well with everyone. I will update new pictures later this afternoon. -Monique
Friday, May 28, 2004 0:11 AM CDT
Hey everyone its Roxanne again updating for Monique. The long hospital week is almost over! Today was filled with visitors! Grandpa Mike, Grandma Lucinda, and Bella arrived from Seattle this afternoon and came straight to the hospital. Griffin was so excited to see them! Aunt Simone, Marcel and Dean came too. When I got there with Blake, our family had taken over the hospital lobby, kids running everywhere. We were all excited to see Bella running around, she has grown a lot! Then we took over the cafeteria, playing hide and seek. You would not think we were in the hospital with all the fun the kids were having. Aunt Sara and Selina also came to visit, it was wonderful having everyone together. Griffin is still feeling great, very energetic with the same positive attitude. He should be getting out of the hospital early afternoon tomorrow. There is a busy weekend ahead! On a personal note from me, thank you everyone for visiting this site and writing messages and keeping Griffin and our family in your thoughts. I know it helps Monique and Griffin a lot, and all of us. We are all grateful for all of you!!
Tuesday, May 25, 2004 11:17 PM CDT
This is Aunt Roxy filling in for Monique. She wanted me to let everyone know that they had a good day in the hospital, as good as you could ask for. Griffin only has to be hooked up with an IV for a couple hours a day. For the rest of the day, he was running through the halls, visiting nurses on other floors, "windsurfing" on his IV pole and playing in the playroom. I took Blake and Grandma Vivi to visit for a few hours. I was amazed out how energetic he was with no effect from the chemo, but that is Griffin for you! Blake was definitely thrilled to see his big brother and mom. I know it must be rough on Blake to be away from them, he was sad to leave. I am having a lot of fun watching him though. Simone, Marcel and Dean also came to visit. Dean had a lot of fun in the playroom with Blake and Griffin. It was nice for all of us to visit. I have been relaying the messages to Mo and Griffin and they are so excited to hear from everyone. I know it helps them both so much.
Monday, May 24, 2004 9:17 PM CDT
And so life at the hospital begins.
We arrived this morning at 6:00 am. Griffin did well with his bone marrow aspiration. He woke up from anethesia a little cranky (I didn't have the right kind of donuts for him to eat) after screaming for a while he fell back asleep. About 20 minutes later he woke up asked to try the donuts and said sorry for screaming (I didn't blame him, I'd be cranky too). His hips don't even hurt, he has been running around all day!! We waited to see the doctor. Unfortunately is Bone Marrow is positive. (meaning there are cancer cells into) Our treatment plan doesn't change, but it still is kinda hard. If you can find a positive thing about it, his marrow is not full of cancer but there are cancer cells, also we will be able to check his marrow again after only one round of chemo. (So we will know sooner if this new chemo is helping)(instead of having to wait until after finishing 2 rounds.)
On a positive note, Griffin's attitude is incredible! He is enjoying all the attention from the nurses and having a good time. He always makes the most of every situation.
It looks like we will be getting this second house that we liked and that we will be moving the end of June.
Talk to everyone soon.
-Monique
PS: Allie thank you so much for all your notes, and for getting all your friends to write! Griffin love hearing your messages! You are so adorable, we really really appreciate your support.
Sunday, May 23, 2004 10:35 PM CDT
Getting ready for the hospital.
We are packing and getting ready for the hospital. Griffin has been sad tonight, I think it is finally hitting him that he are going to be doing chemo again. I know once we get to the hospital tomorrow he will be okay. We have to be there tomorrow at 6:00 am (YUCK).
We are connected with an incredible foundation out here that helps families who have children with cancer. Someone will be driving Griffin and I to the hospital in the morning (so Rox and Blake don't have to wake up and can keep my car) (and so Barry can go to work). They are also helping out with gas, groceries and bringing meals to the hospital. We are so grateful for their support!
My sister Rox will be staying with Blake this week. She will bring Blake out to the hospital on Tuesday and Thursday to visit. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for her williness to help with Blake and her support.
Griffin should be in getting his bone marrow aspiration tomorrow morning around 8:00, please help pray that his bone marrow is cancer free. Our doctors think it is highly likely that his bone marrow is affected. The overall treatment plan will not change if the cancer is in his marrow, but overall it would be less cancer to get rid of.
I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support. We love you all.
Check out the new photos! There's one of Griffin and his new hair cut with his red colored gel.
-Monique
Saturday, May 22, 2004 10:56 PM CDT
Birthday times 3.
Today is my nephew Dean's 1st birthday, my cousin Brittany's 8th birthday and my uncle Don's birthday.
We had a great day at the park today celebrating Dean's 1st birthday. It is so amazing to me that a year has already past. He is absoutely adorable! My boys had fun playing with their cousins, and aunts. After Dean's party we went to Islands for dinner to celebrate Britt and Don's birthday. Followed by swimming at my grandparents house. Blake is really swimming, he is a little fish! He still needs work on taking a breath, but he can really move. Griffin really enjoyed playing with the girls.
Tomorrow we are staying home and getting ready for the upcoming week. We have had a whirl wind of a week trying to squeeze in as much fun as possible prior to Griffin's hospital stay next week. I just found out that my dad, step mom and little sister are going to be flying down from Seattle to visit next Thursday-Tuesday. Griffin is so excited to see Gramma Lucinda, Grandpa Mike and Bella. Thank you so much for coming on such short notice. We can't wait to see you.
I will update new photos tonight or tomorow.
-Monique
Saturday, May 22, 2004 2:00 AM CDT
Mom's Suprise.
Today we were off to Beverly Hills (Rodeo Drive) to get Griffin's hair cut! Griffin's hair was getting pretty shaggy and our good friend Zak wanted to cut Griffin's hair at his salon. Griffin was excited. Uncle Jack took video footage of the entire experience. Griff was so cute getting his hair washed and cut. Originally we were going to let Griffin dye his hair what ever color he wanted since normally the chemo would make it fall out but we know a few kids who are on the chemo Griffin will start on Monday and they still have full heads of hair, so maybe he won't lose it again. Griffin had to settle for colored gel (as I don't want him to have permanent blue or red hair). I forgot to take my camera, so I will take photos tomorrow and post them soon.
We were getting ready to leave and Jack said he was taking my boys to lunch and I was staying with Zak to get my hair highlighted and cut. I felt like I was on one of those hidden make over shows. I think the last time I had my hair done (with the exception of a $8.00 supercut) was 4 years ago before Griffin was diagnosed. It was so incredible. Zak and Jack thank you so much, I am so grateful and love my new hair.
I want to thank everyone for all their encouragement. Everyone's love, support and prayers mean the world to me. Griffin loves hearing all the entries on his guest book. We love you all very much.
-Monique
Thursday, May 20, 2004 10:04 AM CDT
Life goes on.
The initail shock has worn off, and we are ready to fight this horrible disease!
Yesterday, Barry decided to play hookey from work and we took the boys to Disneyland. They were both really thrilled! Our really good friends, Paige and Matthew (who both also have neuroblastoma) were able to meet us at Disneyland. We had a great day! Griffin was finally tall enough for BIG Thunder Mountain!!!!! If you could have only seen his face. (He is rather short for his age, so this was such an incredible thing for him) I'm not quite sure why this moment was not captured. ( I guess you can't have a photo of everything) Needless to say, Griffin went on Big Thunder Mountain about 5 times. We had perfect weather, the lines were short and just a wonderful day with our friends. Check out the new photos.
Monday, Griffin will start chemo again. Due to the timing (wanting to start sooner, rather than later) the hospital was unable to schedule his chemo as an outpatient as all the outpatient slots are full (how sad is that). So, Griffin will be admitted to the hospital for chemo. The good news is the chemo is relatively mild in the sense that his counts shouldn't be really affected and he should feel pretty good. If I know Griffin he'll be running through the halls, windsurfing on his IV pole. We will be inpatient Monday-Friday. He'll be off for the weekend including Memorial day, and then back doing out patient chemo (the week of June 1st Tuesday-Friday).
I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of support and prayers. It really helps. I know that we will get through this. It's just another bump in the road.
Love,
-Monique
Monday, May 17, 2004 8:54 PM CDT
****Griffin will start chemo on Monday May 24th. He will have to stay in patient in the hospital for this first round. So he will be up on 4 west Monday-Friday. I told Griffin I was sorry he had to stay in the hospital instead of doing chemo outpatient. Griffin said he didn't mind, the hospital isn't that bad. His attitude and ability to adapt to this situation is truely incredible!
****Griffin doesn't know this yet but tomorrow Barry is not going to work and we are taking him and Blake to Disneyland! I will make sure to update new photos tomorrow.
Mondays Journal:
Our worst fear!
I just got off the phone with Griffin's oncologist and Griffin has NEW CANCER spots on the bones in his leg and pelvis. It breaks my heart to write this. It is so hard to believe that yet again, my son is forced to battle for his life.
I am so consumed with emotion, I am not quite sure what to write. Barry and I will be meeting with Griffin's oncologist sometime this week to figure out our plan of attack. The plan will probably consist of some sort of chemotheraphy.
As I was receiving such devestating news, Griffin walked into my room. It was apparant with my out pouring of tears that something horrible had happened. When Griffin asked what was wrong, I told him his cancer was back again. At this moment, Griffin displayed so much strenght and courage. Griffin said, "Mom at least we tried the pills (refering to the fenretinide he was taking) maybe they helped at little." he said " Mom it's okay, I'll just do chemo again."
It was a few hours later, as I was making calls to let our family know. That Griffin came bouncing on my bed. He jumped up, put his hands up like he was going to start boxing and said "Mom, me and my chemo beat my bad guys before and we can do it again."
His spirit is absoutely amazing to me! I on the other hand am a mess. I can't stop crying. I am so pissed off at this horrible disease!
Our next step is to test Griffin's bone marrow. Please, please pray that Griffin's bone marrow is negative!
New update: Griffin has new cancer spots on both arms, knees, both legs, upper and lower spine, his left sinus, right orbit. Basically, it is every where. Except his BRAIN IS FINE!!!! I guess we can be greatful for that.
Saturday, May 15, 2004 11:35 PM CDT
Griffin's Lucky Day!
This morning we went to pick up my stepdaughter Jordan. We haven't seen her in a while, so we were all thrilled to pick her up. We went to the Griffith Park Live Steam Engines for the 20th Anniversary of the Bone Marrow Transplant Department. What an incredible party! They had carnival games with fun prizes ( you wouldn't believe how many prizes the kids came home with), tons of food (baja fresh, panda express, ben & jerrys) along with snow cones, popcorn and cotton candy. One of our favorite families the Olsons were there! The boys all had fun.
They had a raffle with about ten prizes, and Griffin won. He won a PLAYSTATION 2! None of us could believe it! It was really amazing. Needless to say, Grififin couldn't wait to get home. On our way home we stopped at toys r us to get a game.
Blake and I went to our good friends Karen's. Blake and Jesse had so much fun playing in the sprinklers.
We didn't get the house we liked, the other couple didn't get it either. Our realator doesn't understand what the owner is waiting for. Apparently, this guy has turned down everyone who applied in the last 3 months (you'd think he'd just sell it if no one is good enough to rent it.) Anyways, there was another house we liked so we are trying to see if it is still available.
-Monique
Friday, May 14, 2004 11:04 PM CDT
So we made it through another round of testing! We don't have any results yet, we should have them all by next Wednesday. Waiting really sucks. Like usual Griffin did fantastic with his tests, he really amazes me. Please pray for good test result!
We are assisting on filming in a video for the Michael Hoefflin Foundation for Childhood Cancer. An incredible organization that assist families in our area who's children have cancer. I am so grateful for all their help. They did some filming last night and attempted to film Griffin doing his tests this morning but were told "Today is not a good day for the radiology department." so we were unable to film. Griffin was rather disappointed, as he really wants to show people what it's like to have cancer. After picking out a new toy from his social workers office, he quickly forgot how upset he was and said that "today was the greatest day, because he got the coolest toy he's ever seen". (it is a telescope, night vision scope, magnify glass and listening scope all in one) It is pretty cool. I on the other hand, am still annoyed that we were not able to film. I wish I could be more like my son who lives in the momment! Instead I have a hard time letting go of my frustrations.
Anyways, we have a busy weekend. The hospital is having a big party in celebration of the 20th anniversary of the bone marrow transplant department. Hopefully lots of Griffin's friends will be there. He is really excited to see his friend Matthew and his brothers.
We are waiting to hear news on our house. We found out another couple also wants to rent the house and they turned in their application and deposit on the same day as us, so the owner will have to decide between us. I really hope that we get this house.
Hope all is well with everyone.
-Monique
Wednesday, May 12, 2004 6:37 PM CDT
We are getting ready for scans.
Since Griffin recently finished his 3rd round of fenretinide, it is time for testing again. We just did them 9 weeks ago. Test time is always a little difficult. Today we went to the hospital to get his MIBG injection (for those of you who don't know, MIBG is a radioactive dye that lights up Neuroblastoma cells on a scan). Tomorrow we will go in for his MIBG scan and friday for his MRI of his brain and CT of his chest, pelvis and abdomin.
Luckily, we still have Aunt Rox staying with us, so she will be able to help stay home with Blake while I go with Griffin to the hospital. Griffin's last scan 9 weeks ago still showed a couple cancer spots on his bones. The good news was that they are smaller and more faint. The radiologist's final report was Stable with slight improvement. We will gladly take the same results, so please pray that Griffin is still stable!
On another note, We mailed in our deposit and application for a house for rent we found in Plano. If everything works out we could be moving as early as June 18th. The house we found would be perfect for us! Although the end of June is earlier than I originally thought, I am thrilled that things are starting to fall into place. The boys are excited cause they will have their own rooms and our dog will have a yard. Space wise, we will have an extra 800 sq. feet! I really hope everything works out. We should know by next week.
I will update again soon.
-Monique
Monday, May 10, 2004 11:18 PM CDT
Barry & I are back from Texas! This is going to be short, cause it has been a really busy day with travelling and I'm exhausted. We loved Dallas. The boys had a great time with Aunt Rox and Russell this weekend. I will add more tomorrow.
-Monique
Thursday, May 6, 2004 10:38 PM CDT
Today was a busy, busy day. Blake and I dropped Griffin off at school and took Zeus(our cocker spaniel) to the Kennel (AKA Doggie Camp). Blake gets really mad if we call it the Kennel. It was so cute in the car cause Blake said "Zeus, I sing for you." Blake started singing Who Let the Dogs Out. It was hilarious! I wish I had a video camera with me. Zeus's dog camp is on a farm, Blake loves going there. Blake saw the baby lambs, and pet the horses.
Next we picked up my Mom to take her to the lab to get her blood drawn followed by a trip to Target. We all came back to the house and tried to go swimming in our pool. It was too cold for me and my mom, the boys still had fun and that's what's important. It was so much fun to spend the day with her!
After the pool we were off to Griffin's Hip Hop Class. Griffin's instructor Rick is awesome!! Griffin is really learning so cool moves.
Rox and Russell just arrived. They are going to watch the boys for the next 4 days while Barry and I are in Dallas. They boys are so excited for us to leave! They can't wait to spend time with Rox and Russell.
Check out our updated photos!
Monique
Wednesday, May 5, 2004 8:53 PM CDT
Today the boys met Uncle Jack at Chuck E Cheese. They had a blast! Jack made Griffin is favorite food, Corn Chowder. Griffin hasn't tasted it yet, but I am sure he is going to love it. Griffin got his blood drawn. I don't have his results back yet, I should have them tomorrow morning.
Barry and I are getting ready for a long weekend in Dallas. We are going to start checking out the areas and looking for a place to live. It's kinda exciting but nerve racking cause we don't know when his company wants us to move. It will be sometime this summer but not knowing makes it hard to plan our lives.
The boys are excited cause Aunt Rox and Russell will be babysitting them this weekend! Griffin can't wait to play SpongeBob on the x box with Russell.
Love- Monique
Tuesday, May 4, 2004 8:43 PM CDT
The kids had a blast today! We went to my Mom's to go swimming. My sister Rox and her boyfriend Russell were there too. We spent 2 hours in the pool. Russell was throwing both Blake and Griffin up in the air and the boys were doing flips.
When we found out my mom's cancer came back, my sister Roxanne decided to cut 10 inches off her hair. Originally, she was going to give her hair to my mom so my mom could make a wig. After realizing it was very difficult to make, my mom decided better to buy a wig. So now Rox is donating her hair to Locks of Love. Please check out the pictures from today.
Griffin finished his fenretinide this morning! Completing his 3rd round. Which means we have to go through a disease evaluation next week (which sucks). I dread those tests. Atleast we don't have to do a Bone Marrow Asparition. We do have to have an MIBG scan, CT scan (chest, pelvis, abdomin) and MRI of his brain. It looks like Griffin will have his test on the 12th and 13th. Testing is always difficult no matter how long between tests, please pray that Griffin's test are still stable with no evidence of new disease.
-Monique
Monday, May 3, 2004 8:33 PM CDT
We had another busy day today.
I picked Griffin up from school early, so that we could go speak at a make a wish meeting. Griffin, Blake and myself arrived at the meeting ready to share our experiences with make a wish and brought our photo album from our trip. The meeting consisted of about 12 people all in business suits in a conference room at a nice office building. Let's just say it wasn't the right environment for an almost 3 year old. Blake overall did pretty well. He was quite entertaining, spinning his chair round and round, sword fighting with the toothpicks they put in sandwiches and playing mad scientist with his snapple. I spoke about Griffin's history and then Griffin talked about how wonderful the Disney Cruise was and how much he enjoyed his wish. Griffin enjoyed sharing various things about the trip and showing the pictures to match his descriptions. People asked Griffin various questions which he happilly answered. When the meeting was over, Griffin said "This was a good meeting! I want to do it again."
I really hope that because of this meeting, Make a Wish will get donations from those companies. We are so grateful for the Make a Wish foundation and we're happy to be able to give back. ( I hope we have more opportunities in the future)
After the meeting we went swimming at my mom's house. It is so nice that we live so close to her. We are really going to miss her when we move.
Hope everyone is doing well. We love you all and appreciate your support and friendship.
-Monique
Sunday, May 2, 2004 7:26 PM CDT
We're back from Camp! Check out new photos!
We just had the greatest weekend at Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times Family Camp! This was our 3rd year at camp. For those of you who don't know what Camp Ronald McDonald is all about let me tell you. Camp Ronald McDonald is up in the San Bernadino Mtns. The camp has a family session where children with cancer (who are too young for sleep over camp) can come experience camp with their families and the families of other children with cancer at no cost.
We arrived to camp on Friday night around 7:00 pm. Just in time for dinner. The camp pairs up families and you share a cabin with them (the cabins have electricity, bunkbeds, carpet and bathrooms). We were paired with a family we met at camp last year. They have a son a year older than Griffin and a daughter that is Jordan's age.Unfortunately, Jordan wasn't there because she had been sick.
Anyways, the camp counselors are absoutely incredible!! Griffin and Blake instantly formed strong attachments to many of them. On Saturday, they had a busy day planed for the families! It started with a nature hike (Barry and Griffin went) Blake is not quite hiking material. He will walk for a little and then want to be carried. Next was breakfast followed by Griffin's favorite Archery (or bow and arrowing as he calls it), fishing, family photos in costumes and games in the meadow. We spent most of our time fishing. Suprisingly I actually loved it. Blake's favorite part was searching for worms in the worm bed. Barry and I both caught a couple fish. (this was a first for me!) Later we had a carnival where the kids could go face paiting, eat worms and dirt (chocolate pudding with crushed oreos and gummy worms), play musical chairs, and wrap the counselors up like mummies with toliet paper.
After the carnival was dinner and the talent show. The talent show theme was Camp Idol! Everyone had a great time. The highlight for me was when Griffin went up an did his HIP Hop Dance moves to "Who let the dogs out"! It was great! He really has natural talent.
We met a lot of new people and saw some familiar faces. Today after brunch it was time to go, Griffin was so sad to say goodbye to the counselors, he started crying. If anyone lives in California and hasn't been to camp you should definately go. It is a great weekend for the entire family.
-Monique
Thursday, April 29, 2004 2:01 PM CDT
We are getting ready to go to Camp Ronald McDonald's family camp. We were planing on picking up Jordan (Barry's daughter tomorrow)so she could go with us but I just talked to her step-dad and found out that they have all been sick with coughs and cold this week. Unfortunately, that means no camping for Jordan. It is hard sometimes. Jordan has come with us the last 3 years. It is something the entire family looks forward to. But even if Jordan is starting to feel better we can't jepordize the health of the other kids going to camp. Griffin doesn't know yet as he is at school. I am sure he is going to be pretty upset, but will understand.
Anyways, we found out really good news about my mom. After only one round of chemo, her tumor is shrinking!!!!! The doctor says she will probably only need 3 rounds followed by radiation! I am so grateful that she is doing so well.
We will take lots of photos this weekend. I have to finish laundry and packing.
-Monique
Wednesday, April 28, 2004 10:00 PM CDT
Today was a good day.
Griffin wanted to celebrate his Bone Marrow Transplant anniversary at school, so we brought Super Hero popsicles and his photo album from BMT to school. It was nice to hear him share about his experiences, they kids were very interested! Then we were off to the hospital for Griffin's apt.
The hospital was good. Griffin's counts are a little lower than last week but his doctor is not concerned. We were at the hospital for quite a while and my boys especially Blake were both handfuls. It is hard when the playroom is closed (every wed afternoon they have a meeting). Needless to say I am exhausted. We had to say Goodbye to one of our favorite nurses Beth (she is moving to SF). We are really going to miss her, but promise to stay in touch. We love you Beth. Last time Blake was sick, he wanted Beth not me :)
After the hospital we went to my moms. They boys and I went swimming with Grandma. We had lots of fun.
I am off to get the boys to bed. I updated the pictures of Griffin taking his fenretinide so everyone can see.
-Monique
Tuesday, April 27, 2004 9:39 AM CDT
Today, Griffin starts taking his pills (all 19 of them). He is absoutely incredible because he swallows them with no effort! I would not be able to do it. I will take a picture and post it later today.
Yesterday we visited my mom (grandma Vivi). Her hair is starting to fall out from her chemotherapy. We expected this to happen but for me (when Griffin lost his hair each time) it is one of the most difficult things to deal with. In the sense that it is now visible to everyone around you that something is wrong. The good things is my mom has gotten 3 really cute wigs in all different shades which she is excited about and hair is only hair. It grows back.
Anyways the boys went swimming with my mom and had a great time. They are both little fish. Grandma Vivi had found a treasure chest at Target filled with things to dive for in the pool. The boys both had lots of fun with their new toy.
Today should be rather boring as I am going to start organizing and cleaning through things we don't need to bring to Texas.
Griffin has a doctor's apt tomorrow. I will update about it tomorrow.
Hope all is well-Monique
Sunday, April 25, 2004 9:09 PM CDT
Today marks is the 3rd year anniversary of Griffin's Bone Marrow Transplant. The past two years we have had huge celebrations (treating today like a second birthday for Griffin) but since his relapse last June, today some how feels much different. Granted we are so gratful that Griffin is doing well,it is still so frustrating that he relapsed. We will have a small family party to celebrate all the treatment Griffin has been through. Griffin will also bring cupcakes to school and share his pictures from transplant. It makes me sad though cause Griffin wants a huge party but with his birthday, Blakes birthday and moving right around the corner we will wait and have a huge celebration in June sometime. What Griffin really just wants I thinks is presents. Sometimes I think he is too spoiled! and that he doesn't really appreciate getting gifts. Then I realize that gifts have been so important what else can you do when your child has cancer). Our child has been through countless surgeries, many tests, (MRI's, CT's, MIBG scans), radition and so much chemotherapy. He now has to take fenretinide which consists of swallowing 19 huge horse pills a day for 7 days out of every 3 weeks. I think as parents besides our love the only other thing we can do is give them rewards (presents or prizes as Griffin calls them for all these things they go through.
Anyways, looking back at the last three years Griffin has accomplished so much! He became a big brother (in June 2001) when Blake was born, got a dog (zeus), learned to swim, started kindergarten, going to sleep over camp, on his make a wish (the disney cruise to the bahamas), to Hawaii with my family of 32 members and more things that I can list. I can't wait for everything else his future holds. -Monique
Saturday, April 24, 2004 11:35 PM CDT
Everything is good. We had the garage sale today. It sure is exhasting to sit there and wait for people to buy your junk. Griffin was a big help. Blake stayed home with Barry. Blake is not quite garage sale material! Griffin and I did fairly well, we made $90.00 (my goal was $100.00). The best thing is we have 2 less truck loads full of stuff to move to Texas.
Griffin's counts are pretty good. His platelettes are still on the lower side 28,000 (normal is 150,000-450,000). The good news is it has been close to 6 weeks since he has needed a blood or platelette transfusion!!
Friday was really fun for the boys. We met "Uncle" Jack at Chucke Cheese, visited The Learning Place (Griffin's old preschool) and played with their cousins in Malibu (so I could drop off stuff for the sale.
I am not sure what we are up to tomorrow. Hope everyone is well. -Monique
Saturday, April 24, 2004 11:35 PM CDT
Everything is good. We had the garage sale today. It sure is exhasting to sit there and wait for people to buy your junk. Griffin was a big help. Blake stayed home with Barry. Blake is not quite garage sale material! Griffin and I did fairly well, we made $90.00 (my goal was $100.00). The best thing is we have 2 less truck loads full of stuff to move to Texas.
Griffin's counts are pretty good. His platelettes are still on the lower side 28,000 (normal is 150,000-450,000). The good news is it has been close to 6 weeks since he has needed a blood or platelette transfusion!!
Friday was really fun for the boys. We met "Uncle" Jack at Chucke Cheese, visited The Learning Place (Griffin's old preschool) and played with their cousins in Malibu (so I could drop off stuff for the sale.
I am not sure what we are up to tomorrow. Hope everyone is well. -Monique
Thursday, April 22, 2004 11:12 PM CDT
Today was such a busy day! After Griffin finished school, we picked up Grandma Vivi and went to the lab. Let me just say that the Unilab in Mission Hills is the most incredible lab I have ever been to. (and I've been to quite a few!) Listen to this, for us to park the car, take the elevator, sign both Grandma and Griffin in, have both of their blood drawn and the take the get back to the car it only took 12 minutes. I'm not sure if everyone can appreciate how incredible this was! But I don't think I have ever said the words "lab and fast" in the same sentence before. (Sometimes it's the littlest things that make us happy) I don't have Griffin's counts back yet, I'll let everyone know what they are tomorrow.
Anyways Griffin asked Grandma if she would come to his Hip Hop class with him and she did. The class was GREAT! Griffin can really move. He is a natural (and definately doesn't get his rhythm from me). I forgot to bring my digital camera, so unfortunately I don't have any pictures from class to share. I promise next week I will bring it.
We are getting ready for this weekend. Mimi is having a garage sale so I decided to join her. We have a lot of stuff I'd like to get rid of before our move.
Tomorrow we are getting together with Griffin's best friend Uncle Jack. We meet Jack about once a week and he treats the boys to Chuck e Cheese. The boys always love seeing him! I'm putting the camera in the car tonight so I won't forget it.
Talk to you soon. Love Monique
Thursday, April 22, 2004 1:04 AM CDT
Today was a good day. After Griffin finished school, we drove out to Malibu to see his cousins and Great Aunt Mimi and Uncle Don. We went to the beach (check out our photos). It was beautiful but very windy so the kids didn't last very long. Griffin and Blake had so much fun playing with their cousins Kristina, Brittany and Dani. Griffin was sad having to tell them we are going to be moving to Texas. We are all really going to miss them.
Tomorrow we go get Griffin's labs drawn with his Grandma Vivi. For those of you who don't know, my mother just had a recurrance of Cervical Cancer and has started chemotherapy. Since both my mom and Griffin have to get weekly blood draws, last week they went together. Griffin the PRO wanted to show Grandma how its done. Tomorrow Griffin also has his HIP HOP dance class. Which he absoutley loves! Hopefully I will remember my camera and will have some new pictures to update.
Monday, April 19, 2004 8:03 PM CDT
Hello Everyone. I decided to create this site, as my family who currently lives in Los Angeles is going to be moving to Dallas TX in the next couple months. I want to keep everyone updated on Griffin's condition as well as the exciting new adventures Griffin and his brother Blake are having in TX.
Click here to go back to the main page.
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