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Friday, November 14, 2008 8:24 AM CST Hello to the faithfull Hannah followers!! good updates I promise! Hannah continues to do well, we had a scare that landed us seeing a few specialists but that turned out to be a good thing and more bases are covered and we have a base line of what hannah's normals are for Hannah. she ended up seeing in the past several weeks her pediatrician, oncologist, allergist, neurologists, gasterenterologist, eye doctor, just to get a few things checked out. Hannah had been copmplaining of headaches off and on since May, we followed with a chart and they seemed to subside with a few here and there so we attrributed it to stress and with the end of the school year. this year shortly after starting school she would complain of morning headaches so again I chalked that up to lack of sleep, new school and frineds, more homework etc... school stresses. however she would take a motrin or tylenol and still complain or the headahces became more severe to where she needed complete quiet and dark even a nap or hot pack long shower and medication just to get comfortable.
her oncologist said it was time to see the neurologist since I was doing everything I could to help her and nothing seemed to really be working. that week she had eye, ortho and allergy appointments allready scheduled. so this was a good thing having all those appointments to help narrow down symptoms and causes. her neurologist decided to do an EEG sleep deprived and thsi came back quite abnormal! so right away we were to go to her neurologist and she scheduled an MRI/MRA and a 24 hour EEG, Hannah will have the MRI/MRA next week and the 24 hour EEG December 15/16, I will keep you posted on those results. right now when she gets a headache she is to take an alleive and lay down in a dark room with a warm or cool compress to the back of her head. the EEG showed mild epilepsy and she seems to have these spells during sleep so this is why she is headachy in the morning and sluggish and headachy after school, interrupted sleep from the possible mild seizure. I do notice she does seem restless when she sleeps, I go into sheck her several times at night and she is all over her bed and covers always messed up or on the floor.
since we have had more thourough checkups and testing she is doing much better. just waiting on the final outcome of the rest of the testing. she has had an emergency CT scan two weeks ago. after her barrium swallow tests (checking for obstructions due to her gagging or choking more)she woke the next day unable to turn her head without severe pain so off to a CT scan with contrast. she had a tear in her one neck mucsle??? she is fine now, just took a few days of meds and rest with heat to help her. not exaclty sure how that happend. Blake is doing well, already has had a few sinus infections this year and will be getting his wisdom teeth out between the holiday breaks. he gave us a scare.. a few weeks ago (about the time of Hannah's barrium swallow) he was injured in a football game hobbeling off the field in crutches. being the "maccho" guy he is he was going to tough it out until practice the next week, he refused for me to take him for an xray.
he was due in for a flu shot and did not go to school because of mild pain and needing the crutches so off to the doctors for an exam of his injury and the flu shot. the doc said not good needs x-ray now and possibly surgery, looked like he might have broken his groth plate in his right hip! UGH!! so after the x-ray Blake was shocked it could be that bad and was quite upset. he is doing fine and needs no surgery, it was an over stretched fascia tissue or tendon in his hip. he does have a benign lesion on his right upper thigh bone but htese can be common with athletes & sports injuries. he is back to playing and they are in the running for the championship game!! Way to go COUGARS!!
I am doing fine, down with Blake's leftover sinus infection/cold..... I have been running around and burning the candle at all ends again.. but for good reasons and yes, for both kids in and out of the doctors, hospitals and home sick .... but the biggest part of running has been ABOUT Hannah! I mentioned a little surprise in the last journal about telling you when I could.. well I can now say in March 2009, Hannah's story will be told on the cable show Mystery Diagnosis!! I wrote in and they contacted me with more information and I thought this would be just like the extreme home makeover.. I fill out forms they ask for more I send it in and nothing!... not this time..
I sent in forms and pictures and her story in detail and triplicate....and they announced a few weeks back her stroy was 100% picked for the show and they would be here to film! so off to get the house as ready as possible and get those onboard to help tell her story and off we went to film at a Pittsburgh studio, our house and the hospital to re-enact what Hannah and I went through. I had to find a baby to play Hannah and a little 2 year old to play Hannah and both children were perfect!! I am so excited for this to air and her stroy to be tols so we may help others just like Hannah. her doctor was great about it all. we are planning a blow out premiere party to celibrate Hannah's 5th year remission /cure date and her 9th birthdday and to raise donations for a few charities ... Hannah has always wanted to sell her old toys to raise money for kids just like her and this is her/our opportunity to do so in a big way! the details are not ironed out for the party/fundraiser just yet, but we know it will be held sometime in March when the show airs.
I am still in shock her story will be told on the cable show (discovery health channel) Mystery Diagnosis all over the world!! one little girls story one very voiced mom telling her story to those who listened... and now everyone will hear it and understand what she went through, what we never knew and what we discovered and are still discovering about Hannah. her story was also picked up for a compilation of stories from others at Children's hospital, that is set to be released later next year to benefit Children's hospital. Hannah will again be doing the telethon in December for the Children's hospital, she is still their littrle media darling.... she is wonderful!
we were told NOW would be a good time to find agents for Hannah and her 2 year old double...so looks like I will be making some calls later today!! she already has a college fund account started after mark passed away so anything she may end up making will go directly into that and a percentage to charities. I want to make sure "fame" does not 'spoil' her and to always know where she came from. she will be a child first and a star in between homework! school and childhood come first! Hollywood can wait a bit longer..... well I need to finish a few things around the house today and prepare for the holidays and then back to school in january for me! good thing I had a semester off!! may the lord bless you this holiday season.
pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT or recovering from one, and those families who now have angels and those who are watching a loved one grow thier wings. pray for the safe return of our troops and their families. God Speed ~Holly~
Wednesday, October 1, 2008 6:40 AM CDT I know I am just now getting around to an update but it is a GOOD ONE!! so much has gone on and it is all GOOD! first off kids are both doing well in school and with their health. I am enjoying a semster off from school myself and health is good for me too, weight and BP both down! still going strong with Vince and loving every minute we spend together!
I guess my only complaint would be the funds for her luekemia walk are severly low this year.... we have a goal of $1,500.00 every year and if we meet it great exceed it wonderful but fail to meet it feel very bad..... so far we struggled to get $250.00! her walk is tomorrow and I am not yet sure we will make it up there.. I am nearly embarrassed to show up after several successful years and many backing us up with generuos donations and then this year a fizzle. I am sure this is direclty due to the gas and economy.. however cancer does not wait until the economy is up and gas prices down.. it strikes no matter what and cancer treatment and research to find a cure cannot wait! so please if you find it in your heart to donate please do! her gaol is $1,500.00 and all her funds need turned in by January, so there is time to donate before the walk and before the donation cut off will be for this years walk to be calculated and counted for. THANK YOU!!
now for the good news.. I am still in shock over it and wanted to wait until I had further confirmation... Hannah's story will be told in a BOOK! yes, a book compiling of other kids stories being told to help benefit Children's hospitla of Pittsburgh! and if that is not all... her story will be picked up and told on the TV show (cable I do believe) I will announce the name of the show when I have been told I can publicly announce it. we still do not have a shoot date but papers and release forms have been signed and many emails back and forth have been sent and all partaking of her story have been lined up! the minute I know a shoot date and when it will air times stations and channels I will let you know... see what ONE persons mouth can do to raise awareness!! this is all NOT for proffit to us.. just telling her story and hoping it can help others is why we raise awareness again and again.
here is what telling her story has done so far.... made a woman who quit giving blood and platelets give again saving many lives... raising blood awareness by telling her story has raised the donations and numbers at many blood drives.....found another moasiac down syndrome girl in Pittsburgh Hannah was the first.... made many contacts with families, doctors and now what I call friends from all over.....opened many's eyes to the fact kids get cancer too and blood does not just sit around and wait nor is it stockpiled in a freezer somewhere! FYI: whole blood last approximately 25 days (shelf life) and platelets just 5 days! so get out there and DONATE people!!
exciting things happpening and I am confident this will all be great telling her story so others can be helped! those who fear just being ONE voice or ONE person... just look at what I have done so far by ME telling Hannah's story and opening my mouth ONE voice.. has helped many so far, I intend to keep telling her story and raising awareness. this has impacted our lives and changed them forever. God speed. Holly
pray for those newly diganosed, in remission, having or recovering from a BMT, and those families who's loved ones have earned their angel wings or are grwoing them. and for our troops. ****26 months today Mark has been an angel****
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:37 AM CDT ******NEW PICTURES IN PHOTO'S****
Hello again, yes, seems I am journaling every month or there about.... School is out for a semester for me and I am looking forward to it. at first I was angry and wanted to continue.. but I see it now as some down time I must be in need of. the kids started back to school Tuesday,YEAH!! Hannah is in 3rd grade now and Blake is a junior! how fast they do grow up! it was a sad bittersweet day.... glad to see them go and make new friends and sad seeing them grow and sooner than I am ready they will be in college, married.. etc... Mark will not see this or share with them growing up..
I missed my first day of school phone call from him asking how the kids did getting ready for school and how the buses ran (late right ones etc..).. then after squeeking out the answer he would listen to me cry for 20 minutes and chuckle how I get so emotional the first day of school knowing they are growing up! he would then tell me what things we could do after they are in college like take trips for us and find 'us' again.... not the same now without him. I know he is 'here' around us in some way and always will be and we are learning to move on without him.
Hannah's team "Hannah's Heping Hero's" is not doing very well this year for fundraisng.... just not many people into helping out, could be do to the gas hike?? I have yet to figure out how to put her online donation page up here.... now that i have some time I may try so keep checking back often!!
Blake is doing well in football and the girl department.. he has had more 'girl friends" than I can keep straight. infact while driving he and one girl to the movies a few weeks ago I said Hello >name< and it was not the right name!!! different girl entirely.. I told Blkae he needed to keep me informed of his dates name so this would not happen again.. LOL! I guess being a 'jock' football player makes one popular.... I know we had them in highschool but it seemed to be the preppy yuppy jock cheerleader thing... then again Blake does take care about what he wears, how he smells, (the boy showers 3-4 times a day!!) and he is a very good looking boy if I may say so myself.. YES, I am BIAS! he is my son afterall.. bragging.....LOL! he stands 6'1" and has size 15 for shoes so he towers over me and laughs how short I am....I tell him he might be taller than me but I am still his mother!
Hannah likes school and the new friends she met but she HATES the homework! they have had homework everyday so far and she was informed they get homework on weekends to do! that just made her day..NOT! she was upset and said we never got homework on Fridays or to do for the weekends why now... I explained she is getting older and asked her if I take off weekends from cleaning, cooking and shopping etc.. she said NOT really why.. because their is ALWAYS things to do and jobs to be done and when we get older we have more things to do so this just helps prepare you for when you have a job and have more things to do. she then said she needed a vacation! LOL! I think we may go away for this weekend!
the house is coming along.. SLOWLY still but things are progressing and looking better, taking shape.... I am just running out of patience and when a week goes by and no one has been here to do ANYTHING it drives me crazy!! I think but this could be done or this can be cut or that in the older part can be finished and that can be done... so those little can be done's are making me fume! I know it will be doen and look wonderful and I will have my OWN room and my OWN bathroom so this keeps me grounded and somewhat patient! I will go back to school in January for Microbiology then have the summer 'off' with just little things to do to get ready for the fall when I should start clinicals and be ready for them.
I am still with Vince 3 months now!! I still cannot believe we went to Highschool together and here we are now, years later..... I am happy and my family and friends are finaly accepting that I have moved on and Mark is not coming back. I thought I would have trouble moving on but in truth it is my family who had more trouble seeing me move on. noone will be Mark nor am I 'replacing' him.... I am lilving my life and doing what he would want me to do.. find happiness again and live life! I said I divorced my first husband (bad marriage) burried my second of 15 years and now I am just going to take each day as they come and live together with Vince and be happy. many are not happy with my decision to 'live together' in "sin" as the older generation see it... but I am happy and I am not saying NO I will never marry again or vince and I will never get married... just taking one day at a time.. I was not looking for a relationship when I went back to my highschool reunion and found Vince....and here we are... happy together and I am loving it. to cook and clean not just for me and the kids and to be hapy and have my heart light and full again.. need I say more.
Hannah is rapidly approaching her 5th year in REMISSION!! FIVE YEARS, no complications or set backs and is doing wonderful in many ways! I am very happy about this and nervous praying nothing happens and we hear that sweet word on January 21, 2009 CURE, CURED, NO cancer, cancer free 5 full years!! this will be a happy and sad day for us. Happy she will be 'discharged' from the oncology group, sad to not see her doctor and nurses who helped us get through this, sad to not share it with Mark the way I know Hannah would have wanted to, running into his arms with a great big hug and kiss and happy tears saying "Daddy my cancer is all gone now!", I know he will be smiling down from heaven right along with us as will my mom and even Hannah's other grandmother Jane , Mark's mom.... we will get through this as we have gotten through so much pain, heartache and losses, now we will get through with happier times and dreams closer in reach.
the kids and I have met Vince's son and my kids are really warming up to Vince and getting along great.... I get scared and feel like.. when will the "other shoe drop" but I do not want to be pessimistic, I wish to be OPTIMISTIC, things will work out. it's like having a beautiful healthy baby girl only to find out nearly 3 years later she has cancer...(the "other foot")... your mother who helped you and now you were helping her dies (the other foot) and just when you were getting used to a new way of life after losing a mother and your daughter went through treatemtns and was doing well again ... you lose your husband....(the "other foot")... being "alone" sucked....losing someone you love sucked more... being in a new relationship ....is wonderful... and scary all at once... I do not want "the other foot" ever again! well off to get things done around here, 3 O'Clock comes fast!
I did get a job 5 days a week but that has not yet started...(home health aide) still waiting on paperwork and wondering IF it will work out? I will be going back to my old job for a bit daylight only as I have Hannah and then need to pick up Blake and then get them dinner and clean up by then it is bath and bed time for them...I am usually sleeping by or around 10 PM now. mornings come earlier it seems...LOL! ~Holly~
Pray for those newly dignosed, in treatment, in remission, having and healing form a BMT and those families who now have angels in heaven and those growing their wings. also pray for our soldiers. God Speed
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 6:08 AM CDT Hello to all Hannah's faithful followers! I hope you are all enjoying your summer, I know we are keeping quite busy here! just back from a weekend camping trip with family and friends, we had a good time and came back with no, poison ivy, a few mosquito bites and no sunburn!! a good trip indeed. the weather held up and the rain was very minimal, the heat and humidity were up but it IS Pennsylvania and summertime!
Blake is doing well with football and is looking forward to his Junior year in high school. I keep thinking next year he will GRADUATE..... how did I get this old??? he is also looking forward to the new addition to be finished since he is moving into the basement, he kind of 'outgrew' his bedroom in length. when Mark built his room and bed I don't believe he thoguth Blake would be much over 6 foot tall.... he is now 6'1 and growing and has put his feet throught his walls where he sleeps! so he litterally grew out of his bed! he will have my old queen sized bed and bedroom furniture set, our living room furniture and TV, a fridge, stove, table and chairs as well as a bathroom... hey a 'batchelors pad'..... this reminds me to make sure the doors stay LOCKED!! he really wanted a weight set but with college just around the corner and his lifting schedule at school for football, he does not need one and would not be using it much then to leave for college they would just grow dust and be in the way. he is bugging about his permit and I am still resisting!! he just is NOT ready or mature enough yet to have the responsability of driving.
Hannah is also doing very well and enjoyed oncology camp this year. she looks forward to it every year since she first went and she 'chased' the age os campers able to stay over so after a year of day camp returning home each night they let her stay the last two nights and she LOVED IT!! she stayed last year all week over night and counted the days until this years camp! I always ask about room for campers since I do not want her to take the place of a child in more need of camp since she is in remission and doing well enough to be discharged January 21, 2009 from the oncology department!!! can you say PARTY!! Blake will be a senior fall of '09', Hannah will reach her 'cure-discharge' date early '09' and I start my clinical part of nursing fall of '09'! many things going on next year, sadly it will also be Mark's third year in heaven. we rapidly approach year #2 in 10 days. I am doing much better as are the kids. Hannah has her 'blue days' and Blake will help her out by spraying Mark's after shave onto her 'daddy bear'. there are times I get a little spooked out smelling his after shave after so long and then Blake will be like.. crap.. sorry mom I forgot to tell you I sprayed daddy bear down, Hannah was sad so I thoguth it would help! it does and to remember his smell is nice for me too sometimes. Blake misses him and when he gets his blues he gets quiet and plays Mark's guitar.
as for me.... I will finish summer classes end of August and then have a BREAK!! at first I was upset about the break since I SHOULD BE in clinicals THIS FALL.... some idiot messed up my application so it was 'tossed out of the system' and by the time I found out it was too late. I got in on my GPA alone.... now they changed next falls pre entrance for nursing and ALL students entering clinicals will have to take the NLN test, nursing entrance exam! I do well on tests after the first one but the cold take to see how you rate gives me the nervous screwed it up results!UGH!! so I guess I will EBRACE my time off and enjoy it then take more classes this spring to be ready for clinicals next fall. I will also have the WHOLE summer off! Balke will be in Germany end of June for 14 days and I may just take a mommy -adults only- vacation!! just to get away without children. I LOVE my children, don't get me wrong.... just a nice week long break does us ALL good and once refreshed all are happy together again. teenagers can cause stress... or is it.. are the cause of stress??LOL! now that Hannah is doing so well I can breath a little bit more, that was a large stress her illness and the not knowing and waiting. add losing Mark and learning to 'live' again.... another new 'normal' we had to adapt to, but we did and all are doing well, yes me included!
Something WONDERFUL happened to me and I was NOT even looking for it to happen. I went to my highschool reunion and bumped into a classmate who happened to be divorced with two children. we talked and exchanged numbers and emails.. and well.... have been together ever since! he is a hard working loving father and as sweet as I remembered from highschool! he is a gentleman and a rare find in today's world! I am happy once again and I know Mark would want this for me. the kids are accepting him and my family is also happy for me. we are taking things slow... kind of a day at a time even if we see each other every day, talk on the phone every day and email every day... ok that is slow enough.....LOL! but I am truly happy and pray this does not end! I am scared and trying not to think of how Mark left me...praying this will never happen again, losing (a spouse you love) or someone your very close to and who means so much to you. I am overwhelemd with joy and found myself many times near tears.. HAPPY tears. I ask myself.. could this really happen twice.. two wonderful men in my life? yes, Mark and I did have our problems, no marriage is perfect and it is work on both parts. I guess it is true when someone dies you 'forget' about the bad parts and just remember the good. he gave me two wonderful children and I will always remember him through them and our love we shared.
well I must run for now and not sure when I will update again. between school, kids schedules the house (outside walls are up and roof is next!!!)and my new relationship time is a bit shorter these days! I am loving it!! keep in your prayers Blake's acceptance, Hannah's continued remission and my new happiness to continue! ~Holly~
Pray for those newly diagnosed, in treatments, in remission,having a BMT or recovering from a BMT, and for those families who now have an angel in heaven and those growing their wings. also for our men and women in the services. God Speed
Thursday, May 22, 2008 10:42 PM CDT WHAT! an update!!!! yes, I know LONG overdue, I am so sorry. may be a while before I can update again.. between school, house remodeling and kids and schedules and >>UGH! can you say BUSY! so as you can read I will try and give small bursts of the past month(s)....
first all everyone here is finally better and over the flu/viruses and BLAH that went around and stopped here. health wise we are all doing just fine. kids are winding down the school year and gearing up for summer. I am going to school ALL summer to catch up a bit for school. the school "lost" my application for the clinical part and filled all 100 slots and I was not one of them >GRRRR< yes, mad and disapointed but nothing I can do and yes, I did check out my options and went down every path i could only to be told over and over again that "you are the type of student we want to attend here" >HELLO< so why can't I get in then since I was already in with my 4.0 GPA???
I joined a widow/widower support type group, online but the Pittsburgh or close to Pittsburgh meet up every so often and they are a great bunch of people. check it out if you are a widow/widower and you may be able to connect with ones in your area ywbb.org I have a playlist of songs to add and I can use some computer help!! HINT HINT!! Hannah has non stopped talked about her camp and when can she go back so I will be looking into the oncloogy camp again for her. I am not sure if they still take kids who are no longer in treatment or?? but seems every year Hannah is "left off" the list and I have to call and seems like it is last minute as well! OH yeah.. I also rode a mechanical bull! and still here to talk about it!
Blake and I went to the Lynyrd Skynyrd/hank Williams JR. concert the rawdy frynds tour and it was a blast!! I danced, I cried, I had FUN! I also went to a comedyshow close to the house and sent an email under the asking of all the comedians there wanting to promote it for future shows and little did I know he used my email and based his article on what i had to say... who knew.. maybe I can be a journalist on the side...NAH!
I am working out once again and trying to lose my weight I gained over the past year... depression weight.. maybe...time to get it off! I am still not ready to 'date' but I am lonely and tired of being 'alone'... it is sinking in more and more Mark will never come home, brain says one thing body wants another and heart feels as if it will never be ready and emotions are... ALL OVER THE PLACE!
Blake has been taking over the 'loft' above the garage for homework and his down time like Mark used...the office above the garage or batchelor pad as I called it.. well.. Blake has had that banned from use.. he I found was taking his girl/friends up there along with his male friends and they were smoking, using snuff tabaco.. so I tossed all i found and said NO MORE! trust was broken and until I feel you will listen and obide by the rules this loft is off limits.
as for the remodeling it is at a standstill due to one contractors hold up and anothers scheduling conflict! I just want it DONE!!! a new bedroom and bathroom for me and a larger kitchen and all finished ceiling to floor on every part of the whole house!! the cat has taken to sleeping in the bathroom sink or chasing the toilet water sine he learned how to flush the toilet on accident! so the bathroom door stays closed when we are not home. Wendy has been siezure free for a long time now and i plan on taking her for daily walks again, maybe not the marathon three plus miles Mark would...
we are gearing up for Relay for life and then Hannah's light the night walk. if anyone wishes to help Hannah raise funds for her leukemia walk PLEASE just shoot me an email and I hope to have the online donations bar up on here when they send me the new link for this year. we still keep busy with speaking engagements and now hannah wants to do real commercials so i may look into that this fall when my schedule will 'free up' a bit and I mean BITTY bit!
Hannah had a cosmic bowling bithday party and LOVED it! so she is 8 years old now and VERY happy to be out of her car/booster seat now. school is going well just mad I have to wait a freaking YEAR to finish.. only thing keeping me from going mad over it is I keep saying maybe I need this break and can use the time to catch up on neglected things like journeling here.... and taking time to study the math part so i can pass the test required to get into the clinical part. I HATE MATH!! but if I take time to study the formulas and practice I may just learn to like it? ok like it enough to get through school! ;0
I feel like I am rambling on but so much has happened and I am sure I am forgetting something....I hate we lost out links like we used to have when I first joined.. so many kids caringbridge pages I lost and lost touch with many. Julianna Banana's dad has not bloged in a while and I pray that is a good thing and they are busy like me and many others who wish to keep up with our faithful followers just nothing bad to report and that is GREAT NEWS!! well for now that is all I can think of to report.
Please keep praying for those newly diagnosed, in treatment, in remission, having relapsed, those having a BMT and recovering from a BMT, and those families who now have an angel in heaven. please pray for our brave service men and women who are fighting for our freedom and those families who have a loved one in heaven due to the war.
~Holly~
Sunday, April 13, 2008 6:40 PM CDT HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH JANE HANNUM 8 is GREAT! no more car seat!!!!
Hello, I was planning on adding a long journal about many things like my trip to Philly for the Phi Theta Kappa Honor society conference and Hannah's Birthday (got cancelled due to FLU) Blakes umpteenth trip to the ER for injury#......? anyway the FLU has found its way into our household and has made us ALL very miserable. Blake has had it the worst by far and he was the second one to get stricken with it. Hannah was the first and hers left as quickly as it came with a side effect still lasting, nasty cough and sneezy sniffles. I was the last to get it and I am still a bit underweather from it. I will update next weekend or shortly after about her rescheduled party and illness updates. Blkae may have to go into the doctors for a chest x-ray or?? he had an antibiotic for his hole in his foot and sinus infection then the flu hit him Friday but he has been down down down with it and I am a bit worried..... he says he is fine then in the middle of the night he is moaning (he will scream at me when he finds out I told you all this) and crying how sick he is being stuck sitting on the toilet while having his head in the garbage.. (been there and SOOO many times done that!!) I am glad he finally learned the SIT and garbage method.. poor thing was so sick a few years back then all 4 of us had a version of the flu (yes even WITH flu shots) and he ran to GRAFFIC HERE>>> barf with his head in the toilet and (again he will scream when I share this one..) crapped his pants (at times took his pants off only to crap on the floor) SORRY BLAKE.. we have all been very sick at times just like this.... this is why I am proud he learned the head in garbage or bucket and butt on toilet when the flu has you running from BOTH ends at once. well this is our FLU saga and I am back to bed, soon it will be the ICE chips bellowing or more apple jiuce and I am MOM so I must run in between my own double bathroom runs. take care and hope you all escape this flu bug! ~Holly~
pray for those as alwas who have been affected in some way by this monster cancer and those still fighting, newly diagnosed and those who have a precious angel now in heaven. pray for those in the service too. stay safe Jack...see you back in the USA in September.
Monday, February 25, 2008 8:23 AM CST Hello to all of those who have stuck around while Hannah's website sat cold and gathered spiderwebs. I assure you things are well here just busy and busier and soon to be very busy!! First lets start with the star of her web page Princess....er uhm.... MISS Hannah Montana Hannum herself!! yes we now are into Hannah Montana (we still like the princesses but we toned them down for the bigger girl of Hannah montana). her new bedroom is a light purple with sparkle satin curtains a darker purple and a white ceiling fan. her wardrobe has gone Hannah Montana and her birthday party is (if you have not already guessed..) Hannah Montana! as for her health... she is doing so good that her oncologist Dr.Peter Shaw from Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh, said at her last appointment (late November 07)"she does not have to return until December of 08 and then we would talk about a discharge since at that point she will be concidered CURED"! she has been in remission and cancer free for 4 years and nearly two months now and will be approaching on March 27, 2008 her 5 year diagnosis date. she has had no relaps or complications, a few scares but unrelated as far as we can tell, but has remained cancer free for over 4 years. they call them cancer survivors after 5 years of full remission with no set backs and that she is doing so well all around her doctors feel she will get there on January 21, 2009 a cancer survivor! I still cannot beleive we have come so far. such bittersweet memories, my mom died just 15 days after Hannah's diagnosis, then Mark died August 1, 2006 just after we returned home form vacation. he was my rock many nights and days when I was low, he was there and now sharing in her good health and all her milestones she and Blake will reach he is not. Bitter that they are gone and left the way they did and when, sweet in memories and time we did have together. and no not all memories are good but it is true when someone you love dies the bad memories and times are lessened.
Blake just turned 16! yes 16... I still cannot understand where time has gone.. just yesterday he learned to walk... ok he is STILL learning how to walk with his size 15 'boats'! he has come along and no does not have his permit to drive, he needs more time in maturing and being responsible before Mark and I will let him get his permit. just because he is 16 and it is a 'right of passage' he has to EARn it. and yes I said Mark and I, even though Mark is not here we both firmly agreed he was not ready and needed to fit 3 criteria, respect, responsibility and improvement of grades or no permit. he is doing better with grades but respect it lacking and responsibility is still out the window! kids just don;t get that they have to take responsibility for ALL their actions because when they become adults things change! in todays world we no longer have kids or kids rules and law... we have a kid who maybe screws up a little but in a big way so he or she is tried as an adult even when only 13. I'm not saying that is a bad thing but kids do not understand that fact.
The house is taking shape. Hannah's new room has paint on the walls and ceiling, with her fan up. curtains are pinned up not hung completely yet, they still have trim carpentry to do before they can be hung correctly. just to see her face when they finished the painting and then when she picked out her curtain and we tacked them up... PRICELESS. I have had so many wonder about the show Extreme Home Makeover since we were contacted by the IMDSA (international Mosaic Dwon Syndrome group) and the show itself looking for families with kids who have down syndrome or mosaic down syndrome and also have had or have cancer... we fit both but never heard back. the house was in bad shape but we did not realize until they got into the attic and found the black mold and then the dammaged main beam etc..... so we are on the upside and later this spring they will be putting on the addition for my new kitchen and bedroom as well as laundry room upstairs!! a small ranch but a lot of potential. I am sure Mark would like what I am doing and what has been done.
I am still going to school and that is going well. I am maintaining a 3.7+ GPA with my busy life.... Blake has weightlifting everyday after school until 4-5PM and Hannah has brownie girl scouts as well as Ice skating (was gymnastics) she finishes her ice skating next Saturday and then wants to go back to gymnastics. she is a twig! long tall and lanky.. I hope she stays that way!! Blake is thined out and is now bulking out... he tops out at 6'1 but is still growing! so this keeps me busy trying to keep up with their schedules not to mention play dates.. ok Blake no longer has 'play dates' it is a 'social life' and he is always on the go! ice skating, dances, hockey games, movies, friends houses for video games or playing music.... yes he is still playing the guitar. I am in the A&PI class and will be taking my English CompII this first part of summer 5 week session then A&PII 12 week session and maybe micro with my A&PII. the A&P classes will be night classes but the others will be daytime classes. this will mean I have a full summer and finish up first part of August. I may take a small trip with the kids but with Blake's football schedule this may be a weekend trip.
I was contacted by the honors society I am in asking if I would like to be one of the two people they pick to go to the national conference this year.. I was surprised.... so I am going all expences paid to Philly April 3-6 for the national conference. during my interview she found out I was also a widow and wants me to be one of the students picked from the college to write an essay (they pick only two students from the whole college each year)about their life and how they maintain a high GPA. she feels I will win both state and nationals and the winner gets a 4 year scholarship to further their education...this could be really big for me!! I guess I do have brain cells left after all these years out of school! LOL! I am really into school and can't wait for my clinicals this fall. I was entered into the nursing program on my GPA alone! I did not have to take a nursing test! WHEW! one less test!
I think things are starting to turn around for us , it is a slow process and we still have sad days followed by many memories and will have milestones without Mark. he is not forgotten and is with us and around us just not the way we would wish him to be.I see Hannah struggle around Valentine's Day when the girl scouts have a Father Daughter dance and I saw how 'off' Blake was during his party this weekend.. he does not show his feeling as openly as Hannah nor does he express them other than acting out or going to his room and play guitar or just be quiet and sleep. he is a teenager and male so his feelings show up much less noticed than Hannah's. she decided today she HATES MONDAYS!! she does not want to go to school on Mondays. only thing I can think of is she goes to the sitters (her friends) on Mondays after school since I have school at night.
Thank You Mrs. O'Laughlin and class... Hannah did get her envelope of 'goodies' and she sends hugs and kisses and well wishes to everyone at school! you are all so kind and I promise I will work on her to send some cards back! she does like having pen PALS to write to and is already asking to go back to NEW YORK! I cannot promise anything with my schedule however next year I will graduate in early May and they finish up in June so we just may take a road trip back. I misssed so many sights and stops recomended, just not enough time to see it all in a weekend! we will keep updated more often....I'll TRY to!!
Pray for those who are newly diagnosed, in treatment, recovering from a BMT or having one and those who have relapsed and are in remission and those who have earned their angel wings or are in the process of. pray for those brave men and women of the service who fight for our country to be home safe with their families soon. including my nephew Jack who is on his second tour of Iraqu.
before I forget... Happy Birthday Eli James Paschel he turned 1 year old february 22, 2008!! he is my great nephew, I probably spelled the name wrong again... sorry 'super chunk' caringbridge does not have spell check! and I am not that computer geek friendly to understand all that this PC offers, need more time. no offence to those 'geeks' besides, geeks rock! wish I was more of a geek. PS. anyone know how to add a Hannah Montana theme here?? email me! ~Holly~
Thursday, December 20, 2007 9:30 AM CST Hello, Happy Holidays to all. We have been without a PC for a few weeks now due to a remodeling and the remodeling is taking longer due to one problem to another they are finding. we are all fine and best news.... Hannah does not need to see her oncologist for one full year!! when she does go back she will be nearing her 5 year remission date! even though the house is torn up and we just had the ceilings with insulation put in.. we will still have Christmas at home. I am right on track for nursing school and made it in on my GPA alone so no exam for me!! whew! one less test. I just wanted to update quickly to let you all know how we are doing and to wish all our faithfull followers we are still here.
Pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, recovering from a BMT or preparing to have one, and especially those families who have an angel in heaven. also those brave men and women who are in the services. God speed.
Mark, we love you and miss you....and yes I will be in my late 30's tomorrow.. NOW you can say that!!!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007 11:19 AM CDT Hello,
well it has been 1 year, 2 months and a day.... since Mark has been gone. hardly seems like that long. reflecting back and sorting things out.... I must say the friends/family support one has during a loss or crisis seems overwhelming and thankfull one has that.. then something happens over time...that 'group' dwindles....and those "just call anytime for anything" does not always ring true. yes I know everyone has lives, family, jobs, etc....and when running into people the conversation is quick and awkward.... clich'e of they donot want to upset you or talk about "it" or "them" or "the tragedy".... well silence is worse!
Sorry if I seem 'bitter' or angry, guess I have hit that 'stage' like I really wanted to go through these stages.... just like I do not want to go through early menopause.... seems like my body is revolting against me ... so Doctors orders.... less stress!! >>>>HELLO<<<< I have a teenager!!! yeah as soon as I find the manual of less stress with your teenager... I will take time to destress! I did drop a class only to find out I am in the top 10 percent of my class and I am also entered to join the Phi Betta Kappa (htink thats right?) society with my good grades and efforts to keep up the good work in school! I had to re read the letter several times looking at MY NAME! ME in an honor society.. top 10 percent....ME... WOW!
Then it hits... Mark is not here to share the news with, DAMNIT!!! yet I 'know he is here.... then I get angry.. where IS here.... yes I told my family and friends.. and I do feel good about it all just lonely and sad things cannot be different. I want to move on yet feel "stuck".. days go by dates change.. I am getting older.. (hell my "body clock" is even breaking!) and I feel like something.. is holding me back from just letting GO! I still call his work number just to hear his voice message (yes still there! and I am glad) I still go to his open house at his work to see everyone and this is when it hit me.... if I want to move on then THEY must want to as well... the akwardness I felt there was overwhelming....almost as if they feel sad for us but do not know what to say/do and I keep showing up but for what!??? sympathy.. NOPE then it hits me again.. to make sure THEY are doing alright.... I am still trying to take care of it all! maybe this is why I am so stressed...
October... 1st, then we have the 4th... Mark's would have been 45th birthday as well as Hannah's light the night walk. (again many people 'jumped ship on this one..) the fall.. the fall weather.. Mark loved this time of year... Blake's football (bees are STILL out!) now I have some health concerns... and a Kidney test I will go in for tomorrow. just like a sonogram.. not painful.. but I will be doing this ALONE! I know I have 'support' and prayers.. and people are genuinely concerned.. I just feel lost and ALONE! lately thats all I have felt.. I have the kids around... (when they are home....) but I feel alone completely alone. like prmature 'emtpy nest syndrome'.. geese seems like a pattern here.. premature.. this and premature that!....
I know I am sounding Harsh and I appologise.... I am just down.. and this is a general not singled out to anyone person... so if your reading this and feel bad/guilty.. don't. I am just venting. my sister said her health is declining and this is the one who seems to be a pathological liar... so pray for her... to really look deep into her soul and find herself again... the real self not the made up story of this tale or that... not the over jealously spinning a tale to make her more interesting... she needs HELP! guess the clich'e of "you can pick your friends but not your relatives" is true! yet I still and always will Love her she IS my sister.
well I have laundry to finish up, a shower to get and shopping yet to do before I head out to school. I kept one class, my Tuesady night class so I am not too far behind. I will keep on keeping on...and try and break the clich'e....and not be so hard on myself and give myself time to heal... healing takes time...alot of time!
Pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatmetns, having or healing from a BMT, and always those families who have angels in heaven or are watching their loved ones grow wings. and maybe one for me :) ~Holly~
Friday, September 7, 2007 10:40PM CDT *******NEW PHOTO"S*******
YES I DID IT< ADDED NEW PICTURES!!!!
CRYING
Hello,
Carter, Hannah's 'friend' she met at Children's Hospital
(he was a brave fighter of neuroblastoma for 4 years) passed away August 18th. Prayers go to his family at this time of sorrow and grief. rest in peace Carter.
Our lives and house is ever changing around here! the hardwood floors are done, the windows are in and the siding is 3 weeks away from being installed. in the waiting process my one and ONLY bathroom is leaking! the basement waterproofing is nearly done (rain delay just like the siding) I discovered the floor was wet under not only the shower (knew it had a small drip during showers due to the drain needing a new rubber ring)but this 'new' puddle was under the toilet... hmmmm so the wet basement helped hide the leaking toilet all this time and I have floor damage in the bathroom. after much thought and some investigating.... I am now going to have an addition put on the back of the house giving me a master bedroom with bathroom walk in closet and laundry room/computer room and extend my small kitchen.
I know I should have done the addition then the windows and siding then the floors.....bassackwards that's me. I have started looking JUST looking into the possiblility of 'dating'. it has been 1 year 28 days and Mark is not going to ever come home. I hate being "alone" and know I can and have been doing it now since he passed away, I just would like to go for dinner or movie and have adult company once and a while. no marriage or more children in my near future, just a male 'friend' companion. baby steps....
I need to tread lightly as I do not want to disrupt the kids lifestyle or make them feel like I am "replacing Mark'. it is hard enough to contemplate dating.....I am still trying to get over the fact this is and will never be "cheating" by dating or just going out from time to time. the first time you laugh after losing a loved one you cry... the first time you have nearly 24 hours and not stop to think or remember your lost loved one you cry..(this is just starting to happen. not a day goes by I don't think of him in some way yet it seems like later at night as I get ready for bed I stop as if to remember some one is missing here), the first time a guy talks to you after losing your spouce you cry. the first of every month, the first day of school when you don't get that mid morning call just so he can hear you cry that the kids are growing up and try to reassure you they will be fine and to reassure you it gets better and they will be home soon enough, you cry. making out your will as a single person after 15 years, you cry.
so the end of summer vacation is here and school started today. Blake is now a sophmoreand in football and Hannah is now in second grade! her guidance counselor said to me today "Mrs. Hannum what are you doing.. watering those kids very well, just look how tall and grown Hannah has become over the summer!". she is one foot shorter than me(4'2")! the girl is going to be tall, thank goodness, lets hope she has good genes and stayes thin not short and 'stout' like me! I start back to school next Tuesday and I will finally be in the medical arts building for my classes. all the way across campus with a small parking lot, so I will have to head out the minute Hannah is on her bus and hope I get a spot? the good thing is I do not get a close spot.. EXERCISE! well I have mom homework.. papers to sign and lunch to make. oh yeah.. laundry to do and some light housework to catch up on.
Please pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatment, having a BMT and healing form one and those who have an angel in heaven and are watching their loved ones grow wings. pray also for those in the service. God Speed. ~Holly~
Wednesday, August 1, 2007 9:17 AM CDT Hello,
Thanks to all who have helped and supported our family not only for Hannah but this past year with losing Mark. the prayers and well wishes do help!
Well the vacation has slowed down some... at least for today we are taking a break and doing not too much. Blake will be going with Mark's dad to go for a boat ride around the Beaver and Ohio rivers on pappy's boat or out to shoot pool and after we are all going to dinner. Blake suggested Hooter's..(I Know...) not the place I want to go to remember Mark on his 1 year heavenly anniversary either. However, Blake and John reminded me how we all went there when Blake was little and he was doted over by the hooter girls with gifts and Mark was all about good chicken wings and beer. we had a nice time there and the memories are happy ones. John and Blake will have new memories of hooters....UGH... teenager and dirty old man..LOL! I am sure Hannah will have many questions.. like "mommy if that is there uniforms why are they showing there belly buttons in public"? I always tell her belly buttons are not to be seen in public places.. swimming pools are one thing but shorty shirts and shorts/skirts.... Hannah knows if she lifts her arms and the belly shows ...not going to be allowed out of the house wearing that in public!
I have a few busy weeks coming up.. my family reunion next weekend (August 11/12)and I am flying in my neice and great nephew.. YES I am a GREAT AUNT now!! my dad does not know so I cannot wait to see his face when we pull up and my neice Martina introduces him his great grandson! that whole week I have at least two things going on each day! Monday Hannah has her appointment for her braces to be put on, tuesday I take my sister to her doctors for her diabetic check up, Wednesday Blake has his therapy at 2 and then I have my LTN meeting and pick up supplies for Hannah's helping Heroes (Leukemia walk Thursday October 4th Mark's Birthday) then Thursday I have my therapy appointment at noon then pick up Martina from the airport (see dad and ???) then at 9PM we have family pictures at the church for the church directory whew...
I hope keeping busy is going to help take my mind off of Mark being gone. they say the second year is harder than the first...I have so many updates done and getting done to the house (the week of the 15th I am having the basement waterproofed and the following week new windows and after they are done new siding)I just have in the back of my mind this thinking going on that Mark will walk right in and be happy and less stressed when the house is 'done' and we will resume life together again... sad I know ... and I also know he is never never never going to see the house in life and never never never going to be here again in life.
I took the kids and my neice and nephew and there one friend to Kennywood yesterday and felt like we are going to have fun and just try to forget for one day..... well we all had fun.. but with each ride one of us would say remmeber dad on this one.. or dad would have liked to ride this one.. and this one dad was too large for and was told he was not able to ride this ride safely! then we all kind of went to do our own things and Hannah is between the height limits on the rides.. she is too tall for almost all of kiddie land rides yet just shy of making some of the larger coaster rides minimums. I was kind of glad for the too short on the big rides I feel she is still too little for them! yet she is getting bigger and growing up! she had a blast on ones I let her go on GULP>> by herself! I held my breath or as I watched from below kept thinking is she alright.. oooh looks like she is slipping.. but I refrained from running over to the operator screaming stop the ride my baby is on there!! Hananh does have to learn to HOLD on and not do the wave with each pass giving me blonde hairs!!
I took Hannah on the paddle boats while waiting on the older kids and figured we could sit and relax for a half hour.... HUH! Hannah can reach the foot bar to paddle the boat so I was ...pant pant....... trying to ..pant pant... help to steer the boat and she was just laughing that the faster she went the more I was like NOOOOOO this is a slow ride Hananh not a motor ride! we nearly killed a baby duck! it kept swimming away on it's own (I mean very small baby duck...)so I was able to get the boat stopped and turned to watch the people drop and fly when Hannah saw the baby duck between our boat and the wall..OOOPS! so we did get out of the way so mamma duck could quack baby duck to safety. watching the people flying from that free fall drop... made me laugh and cry thinking of when Mark and Blake did the 300 plus foot free fall drop around Disney. Blake and I watched the video the day before and seeing Mark so full of life with a smile on his face.... warm and comforting yet sad.
Today I have a few things to do other than that I plan on staying quiet and reflecting on the day, the past year and see just where we are. I will try hard not to dwell on the date last year... I find myself now looking at the clock and Mark has made his first call to me and in a short time he would be making the last call he and I would have. the next call would be from an Alcosan employee around 1 PM telling me he had a heart attack. then at 2:12 he was pronounced dead at the hospital. I would see him about an hour later around 3Pm when I learned they could not save him. the memory is still fresh and I reflect on what I would have done diferent like.. hold him longer talk to him and just be with him, I cannot let go the feeling of him being alone in the ER on the table in a room with no one .... yes he had employees/coworkers and friends there but I never knew if they were there just in the waiting room or with him? I find myself still going through the paces of that day... watching the clock and thinking next call who it would be and how I felt and then the heaviness of just how empty I feel. nothing will be the same .. just new way of life. how Mark will never see and feel the joy of new things.. with the kids and I. I know he is 'here' and 'watching' over us I just wish it could be here with us. to Carter's family, prayers go out to you at this most dificult time of watching your brave son grow his wings.
~Holly~
Please pray for thos nenewly diagnosed, in remision, in treatments, having a BMT or healing from one and pray for those parents who have an angel in heaven and those watching their loved one grow wings. also for those in the service, GOD speed.
Friday, July 6, 2007 8:02 AM CDT Hello, well I know I have some overdue updating... and photo's....they will happen, just finishing up school July 13th so this is crunch time for the last of the tests and assignments! then I can sit relax and UPDATE. we are back from Richmond and the International Mosaic Down Syndrome conference. I found it informative and very eye opening. the kids were great at the conference. they had their "own kid konference" while the adults sat in on speakers and gaining information.
Hannah did well with the cheek swab, blood sample, hand scanning (for fingerprints), and speech. Blake is in V.A. still with his pappy (Mark's dad) viisting Mark's brother and his wife, he should be home tonight? then he leaves Sunday AM for football camp so all next week while I finish up school he will be at camp. then Juily 22-27 Hannah has her oncology camp. five days after her camp it will be ONE YEAR since Mark has been gone. time flew and yet the pain is still fresh.
I know he would be proud of us moving on, just hard some days... I know he would like my grades in school and the fact I am sticking to it! I hope that I am showing the kids great things with my hard study skills and commitments. the house is nearly done... just the last little bit of trim here, paint touch ups there.. so while Hannah is away and Blake at his camp I hope to have these DONE so the last of our summer vacations can be spent doing just that VACATIONING! even if it is just to go to a pool somewhere or out for a cone and a movie or a few fun parks and museums. something to just have FUN!
We have our family reunion coming up and Blake has football practices and games so I guess every Friday I know where we will be during football season.....I am glad Blake picked a sport and STUCK TO IT......so far... I hope medically he can do it. between his ankle and excersize induced Asthma he can play and not be 'the bench warmer'. when he played football in grade school (twerps mighty mights..) he would only get in the game maybe ONCE during the season! I asked the coach why since they begged me to sign him up cause he was the big kid.... I was told he was not so coordinated on the field... this was about the time he was diagnosed with ADHD and on medication. after the one practice of temps reaching 99 degrees and the coach would not let them break and cool down many of us moms pulled the kids to cool them down and this was his punishment! after that practice Balke had a temp of 103.6 so off to the hospital to cool him down further.. he was in danger of heat stroke... ALL FOR A FREAKING GAME! not worth it!
After two weeks off to recover I even had a doctors excuse for Blake but the coach said you play and practice or you hide behind mommys apron. that was Blake's last year! some parents just play into the head games these coaches push and the kids are pushed even harder so I hope with playing high school football Blake will have a better time and better coaches! we'll see. he has his therapy appointment July 18th so I am hoping with sports and a busy schedule as well as therapy he will get the help he needs to gain control of his anger and help him grieve.
Hannah will be having her appointment to be fitted for braces July 12, so I am sure when I sit down and go through the pictures from New York, and Richmond I may by then have some of her with her braces! I am sorry for waiting so long between updates and pictures. when I do get to the computer it is to type a paper check email and that is all. the PC has been acting up as well so I may need to have my PC guy come and check on it. I hope every one had a happy safe 4th of July.
We had a 'scare' on the 4th.. Hannah had been complaining of a tummy ache and at first I just thought it was all the dancing she did and pulled a muscle while in Richmond.. then I heard of a stomache bug going around so when she still complained I figured it was that.... more complaining and I asked her if she had to go poop on the potty and she said yes, after going to the potty I asked if it was runny or hard.. she said it was normal not too hard or soft. she has had more "BM's" and when she still complained of her tummy hurting and right after would have a "BM" I just thought she ate something that was working it's way out and she would have the 'runs' soon.
Well after more complaining on the 4th and after a "BM" that was quite large she screamed in pain, doubled over and said her right side her really bad! I took her temp and it was just at 100.1 but she was looking quite red and miserable as well as screaming in pain every few minutes. I called the pediatrician and he said sounds like it could be her appendix so off to childrens in the middle of the cookout! Hannah cried the whole way up with more pain and we were 'fast tracked' then off to the exam room not in the regualr section in the admit long stay section! her BP was 126/88 High for her..... she had an x-ray, urinalisis, and blood drawn... while we waited for the IV team her doctor came in to show me her x-ray and there was no space whatsoever left in her colons... it was FULL and 'impacted' so they termed her F.O.S. (Full OF SH**) yup that is the term frop chronic constipation! so the order after her blood was drawn was to do an enima flush.
Two enimas later (she was a trooper!) she filled the bowl! we discovered she needs to stay away from black licorice, I will spare the colorful details. she was still full but it was moving again so they sent her home with new fiber guidelines (they kids eats fruit and veggies and good things....) now we add fiber cookies... fiber laxatives (I need to have it changed what they prescribed is NOT for kids?) fiber juices like white grape and prune.... but she likes the cookies and the juices? she did have a "BM" the next afternoon and so far I am not sure if she is cleaned out or still F.O.S.? I have been pushing the water and juices but she knows if she does not drink or eat her fiber she can end up with an IV again and she wants to avoid that at all costs!
I need to go since I have to call her pediatrician to find out why she is getting constipated and if this is just her or her Mosaic Down syndrome or from having chemo and being this far out? she was a constipated baby and we learned after finding out she was trisome 21 that down syndrome kids are known to have constipation issues. again I am checking into that. for now have a great summer what's left. ~Holly~
Pray for those Newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT, or recovering from one, pray for those families who have angels in heaven and those who are watching their child grow wings. pray also for those in the military.
Thursday, June 7, 2007 8:27 PM CDT SUMMER VACATION HAS ARRIVED!!!!! UGH! look out NEW YORK here we come!!! I finished my class with an A!! I am so very happy. and the kids are now done so off to New York to meet Mrs. O's 3rd graders that adopted Hannah and Blake. we leave tomorrow at 4:45 AM to drop the van off to the 'park-n-shuttle' then over to the airport, check in go through security... then wait... and wait.... and then fly out at 6:20 or 6:50 AM into JFK at 8:30 Am then over to the school. Hannah is soooooooo excited! (me too) hate to fly... but it is only and hour and half flight. I talked to the teacher today and she said her class is also very excited to meet Hannah in person.. she said she feels like a 'star' LOL!
I am hoping to meet up with Molly G and Dylan H??? we will have to see since some of the planning has been last minute ... I will be glad when the plane lands and we arrive at the school. YES, I am packing extra nerve pills! trust me I am taking one tonight and when we get to the airport.. I may 'sleep' through the plane trip and need some help gettiong through the airport and to the school but I will be calm! prayers for NO panic attacks and a safe flight to and from! an overall good trip!
We will miss the Today Show and Good Morning America.. but maybe get a studio tour in? so far I am calm just excited. never really felt this calm before flying... maybe my nerves will hit me when I get to the airport? Blake and I had a good trip to State College PA to accept Mark's post humous award (Arthur Sidney Bedell) as well as give out the newly named Mark B. Hannum Operations and Maintenence excellence award.
I felt overwhelmed when I first stepped into the exhibit hall, seeing familiar faces and expecting Mark to be around the next corner talking 'sludge' so that was hard. after we checked into the room (we had to wait a bit for it to be ready) we had a bite to eat and Blake went to sleep (just like Mark!) I had to go see one of the gals who set it all up to let them know I had some pictures of Mark to set out at dinner and yes I would say a few words, GULP... there was many people there!
I went up to the room onlt to go back down to the gift shop for a camera! after lecturing Blake about turning back for home so he could get his shoes he left.. I figured I would keep quiet about forgetting the camera. LOL! I tried to sleep a bit but was too worried over my speech and seeing so many of Marks 'collegues' in the PWEA.
Blake and I got ready and headed down to dinner, set up the pictures and talked to a few people.. I was doing fine until I saw the awards... reading mark;s name knwoing he would not be there to accept his award.. and seing the awards named after him just hit me! I quietly cried and went to my seat. I saw mark's post humous award was up first (YIKES!) then the president spoke about Mark before dinner and when the invocation was given they also spoke of Mark and I did sob. when they started the awards part and they again spoke of Mark and this time asked me to join them to present me with Mark's award I did ok.
I thanked them and gave my speech, they laughed and cried along with me.... I finished and they gave me a standing ovation! I was blown away... I was more scared at this point than giving the speech! I cried. then thanked them again and sat down. many came up to me after the dinner and show and thanked me as well as told me how hard that must have been and told me I did very well. I was told I gave a very wonderful tribute to Mark and broke up the speech with humor so it was not so hart wrenching or too sad... I was told Mark would have been proud. I think he would have been very proud.
As hard as that was I had to do it, for Mark, for Blake for the PWEA and myself. to face the fact he is never coming back and life must go on for all... this was a turning point to see we ALL can move ahead it will be hard some days very hard but we must move on and in the PWEA's case Mark's work needs to move on just as he would have done. given the oppertunity to return I would do it gladly again. I wish I would have talked to more people or gone up to ones I remembered mark introducing me to but I know how hard it is to approach one who has lost someone and what do you say so I did not want to put them on the 'spot'. I did forget to mention in my speech it is ok to just say HI or ask how I/we are doing and leave it at that. I did feel like I belonged there even though I was just the wife of a member... Mark worked hard and believed in what he did and what the PWEA was doing for improvements overall in the Water Environment and sewage treatment plants.
I guess I never knew just how involved Mark was or how convicted he was until you hear it from so very many people over and over again. maybe I did but thought it was 'his thing' and understood only so much. makes me wish I payed better attention to what he said about his work, I knew he was passionate it just never hit me so hard until he passed away and all the many organizations he belonged to spoke so highly of him. well it is getting late and the flight time is getting closer and closer.. seems June is a busy busy month for us. I will post after the NY trip when I can. I start back to school Monday June 11 at 8Am -3:30 PM! I will also add NY pictures when I get them back and make time to post them! I really need a secretary!! ~Holly~
pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT or healing from one, the families who now have an angel in heaven. please keep our troops in prayer as well, Jack, I pray for you and your platoon to be home safe and soon! ~GOD Speed~
Saturday, May 19, 2007 8:20 AM CDT HELLO! I know again ith lack in updates.. SORRY! between school and home life we have all been busy. I ended my first semester with: College Writing High A, Math High B, Biochem..High C!!! I missed an A in math by a few points and a B in Biochem by 3!!!! but I passed them all and now am half way through with my first summer session!! so far looks like a solid B for English comp1. next is Public speaking and sociology... then I am off from July 12-September 4. I will be looking forward to the break! I have a few things planned for my time 'off' and theme parks and travel are on that list.
June will be a very busy month for us.. June 4th I will be going to State College PA to accept a posthumous award for Mark as well as give out the first Mark B. Hannum Memorial award for plant excellence. I was a bit taken back (still am) and very overwhelmed the PWEA is remembering Mark in this way. he would be very proud I know I am. I think I will see about taking Blake with me so we can spend mom and son time 5 hours up and the dinner overnight then back 5 hours.. besides he can read a map!
Hannah's Oncology appointment went very well, her counts are great and she is growing and is the picture of health for all she was through. we have all had out allergy blahs these past few weeks, I thought mine was hanging on too long and woke up last weekend with some UTI symptoms.. so over to make sure and YEP sure was. they gave me a new drug I have not had before so of course I HAD to read EVERYTHING up on it and got myself worried sick (litterally) over taking them and ended up back at the doctors office and then in the hospital for an x-ray. they think I may have also passed a kidney stone! OUCH! so far I am taking the meds and feeling better.. but I am still run down. the doc said I need to take care of myself better and stress less!! stress causes kidney stones as well as getting run down.
after the dinner on the 4th we get back on the 5th and go to New York (providng I get tickets booked today!!) arriving back on the 10th. I start next set of classes on the 11th at 8 AM! then the 16th is both relay for life and my cousins wedding... doing both at once.. hmmmm this will be interesting! the week of the 20th I have things going on and then June 29-July1 I will be in VA for the IMDSA conference... international Mosaic Down Syndrome Ascociation to learn more about Mosaic Down Syndrome and all the many things I have yet to learn about it. this can help me for Hannah throughout her life as well as with my nursing education. so June will be filled with classed, trips and more classes! I will be on burn out by July 13th!
CYS has been helpful and Blake starts his anger managemnet/grief counceling June 22. they will eventually work it in for family therapy and family anger management and grief counseling. we have the garage somehwat cleaned uot. still needs cupboards and other things organized and cleaned up. I sold over 350 dollars just having the "stuff" outside of the garage.. I was not yet ready but we have a good start to Hannah's light the night walk this fall. October 4th Mark's 45th birthday! we will celibrate his life and walk for those still fighting and those surviving. take care and God Speed.
Please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in remission, recovering from and having a BMT, and the families who now have an angel in heaven.
Please keep Carter Finger close in prayers, I met this brave little guy when he was just healing from his BMT in Children's hospital of Pittsburgh in the summer of 2003 when Hannah was going through her treatments. send over some love and prayers to www.carterfinger.com
Friday, April 13, 2007 1:49 PM CDT ****NEW PHOTO IN PHOTO SECTION****
I could not get it to come up on the front home page. enjoy!
HELLO! I am very sorry to have not updated in well over a month! betweeen schools, schedules and life..... please forgive me. here is to the newest from Hannah and family.... health: hannah doing well but was diagnosed with Asthma and put on an inhaler as needed and steroids! YIKES! I forgot about the "roid rage" Blake id also on medicine for asthma and more severe allergy meds however being the dificult teenager he is being he refuses to take them as prescribled or at all! UGH!
Blake does have a social worker now who is putting together a program for him to follow. this includes therapy at home, anger management and family support group along with more activities even from a big brother type group. I am seeing very small improvements but I'll take them over nothing. the goal is to keep Blake here in the house but if he still is acting out and hurting me, Hannah and breaking things he will then be removed even to a temporary juvenile facility. I know he is a teenager with past issues of ADHD, ODD, puberty and the loss of his father.... I am hoping they can find group therapy with kids his age in simalar situations mostly a loss of a parent (father).
one major thing happened I forgot to report..Hannah will be upset that I am just NOW telling everyone.. besides losing yet another tooth... she turned 7!! YES Happy Belated Birthday Hannah Jane!! I Love you Princess, more most always and forever to infinity and beyond the whole wide universe and more!! yes I know.... how could you forget to type her 7th birthday here!! now I am busy getting ready for the party weekend...and studying for biochem.. I BEGGED the teacher to make the test for Wednesday....but NO! it is Monday.. so among two birthday celibrations and one a sleepover with 7 girls! what was I thinking and when will I study... OH yeah between the all night giggles and not sleeping girls!! UGH!! I need an extention.....on time... any ideas....LOL!
I am glad Hannah is doing so well and feeling less stressed with Blake... still major hurtles but one day at a time. my new vehicle was dammaged at Children's Hospitals parking garage .. this makes THREE vehicles dammaged in the garage and not by me! so while getting it fixed today and studying in the lounge/waiting room I over heard a mother tell her three year old.. so you want to meet daddy for lunch today....like a shot to my heart.... I stopped and gulped hard but could not stop the tears.. it just reminded me of how I used to do that with the kids, so want to go see daddy for lunch? and the memories came flooding back so there I am sitting there tears flowing and I grabbed a tissue and finaly got my emotions back in control.... but WOW! out of the blue just a simple question hit me hard. Hannah and I both felt blue on her birthday and we talked about Mark not being here but still being around us. we now ask the magic 8 ball if Mark is here and 90 percent it sayd rely on it... so we take that in comfort.
I will be posting Hannah's new picture (if I remember how??) later. I spend time on the computer but it is for school and typing papers. my summer and fall semesters are scheduled and planned so I am going to be very busy through the summer into the fall. I will be glad to have my schooling behind me and move into my clinicals at the hospitals. seems like time is flying now and I am told the 5 week sessions for summer fly faster! I will have from July 14th- September 4th or 9th off so I will enjoy the break. I plan on taking the kids to Dinsley then.. anybody want to meet up? I will be going to Canada to scatter Mark sometime after I start my break and have the whole month of August off to just try and get through his one year heavenly anniversary. I have read a few books on grieving and all say the first year you 'cope' the second year you MOURN and this is when you feel the loss of your loved one deeper and know they are not ever coming back. our brains say ok we get it we know they are gone but our hearts still feel them all around and wish they come back. I think Hannah has entered an angry stage.. she is more independant and moody (besides the steroids)and you can see her 'missing' something and then a fit happens.. this is not right.. this looks funny... I do not like that.. I do not want to eat those! again one day at a time and yes I still lose it in the shower... I missed church on palm sunday due to not being able to stop crying.. I had a very blue day that day. we would have been planning a trip to Virginia to see his brother and his wife (even though I rarely went or liked to go) I would have maybe gone this year but with school the planning would have been tight. ~Holly~
well I will save that story for another time. I am still planning for a trip to NEW YORK in June probably after the 6th so maybe the 7,8,9 and return home on the 10th? I have my next 5 weeks starting June 11th at 8AM so I do not want to miss my first class and the only time for me after that would be weekends only fly out on thursday night/Friday Morning and come back Sunday.. this first time schedule would be my best and the kids will be on summer break by then. for now I have a house in a mess and a party in 27 hours to get ready for! PLease pray for those just diagnosed, those in remission, those having or healing from a BMT and always for the families who now have an angel in heaven. bless thiose who serve our country and pray for the families who have a soldier serving and those who have lost a loved one in the war. pray for my nephew Jack, he is one of the many brave ones over in Iraqu. ~GOD Speed~
Monday, March 5, 2007 6:29 PM CST Hello to all Hannah's faithful followers!! I am sorry to not have updated until now. Hannah made it through surgery just fine, better than I immagined. I am very thankful for that as well as her surgeon and all who kept her in thoughts and prayers. Hannah is very happy to be eating solid foods again! I think if I ask her to eat Jello, pudding, popsicle's (well she still eats those..) soft cooked eggs, applesauce etc...she would PUKE! she did have the bifid-Uvula (split in between the Uvula)so her surgeon was glad to have only removed the partial adenoids, keeping her from talking nasily through her nose. he said this is a classic down syndrome trait and with her having trisome-21 this just adds to her few other down syndrome traits.
Hannah was very upset that our trip to New york was not going to happen this week/end after all. I did talk more with the teacher and decided to plan for June since New York goes to school until the end of June and we go to school until the first week. we will have more time to plan a better trip. I have to see how my college schedule will work out since I am going to go through the summer, I may have to 'miss' a few days?? I know both kids are looking forward to it and I am sure the kids in New york are just as excited! do well on those tests!! I would like to see a few places and catch a show maybe even hit the Today show and GMA! HEY maybe they can do a news story on Tumbleweeds, the Pen Pals adopting Hannah and how wonderful it is to have a whole class 'adopt' a child/children to send a card, sign a guest book ..? I think more media coverage is needed to help fund programs like cancer research, tumbleweed foundation, not how many people injured in a car pile up, fire, gunmans act of violence, Brittany spears and Paris Hilton take over a nightclub in a drunken rampage...! do not feed the public bad stories all the time.... feed them important stories/information of how things can be changed.
well things on the homefront have been "hairy" to say the best. Blake is either going through his anger phase of greiving (every 6 months) or he is just going through more and needs help I am lost as to how to help him. every councelor keeps saying call 911, call 911, call 911.....I do not feel 911 is needed when he has an 'outburst' however, as of the latest one he just had a long talk with my cousin who is a cop and he explained things to him about anger and calling someone or going for a walk, a bike ride ect.., to 'vent' however this last one was more than I could handle. he does these at home with a pattern of not getting his way or what he wants when he wants it or after he has had something he wanted he shuts down... or if he has had his TV turned off for a period of time and wants it on before the time is up I must stay firm with NO he vents or 'rages' then we all suffer. I felt at ease when he was staying with Mark's dad knowing he and Hannah would not fight causing her surgery site to bleed, however the minute he came home it was as if egg shells had been once again tossed all over.
I now know how a parent torn feels, between right and helping and not seeing their child in pain and hurting... I am sure he is in pain and hurting and by not doing anything besides calling my couisin when he clearly is out of control trying me to my last nerve for any attention good or bad. I know in the "system" of therapists and councelors they feel he would be a 'threat' and this would limit them helping him fearing he would have an outburst in therapy with others... I used to say NO he only has them at home in front of me or Mark and Hannah or those in the house at the time he could put a 'show' on for. now I am really thinking maybe he willhave an out of the house outburst, he does and has gotten more 'verbal' in public with trying to do the 'shock' me mouthiness or being rude and at times very racy in his talking of certain people and cultures. (I'll leave it there to not offend). Mark and I have never spoken this way in or out of the home in any way, we were raised to treat everyone as equal so his mouth is more for shock and yes words still are hurtful so his 'tude' needs fine tuning. I guess I am at a loss and need major help in turning Blake around to the right direction. he fights everything I do and purposely at times to the point of not giving a hoot as to the outcome for him. so 911 may be what I will need to do and making an appointmnet tomorrow to meet with the head of the police department here and his school teachers councelors and the truency officer. tough love cannot get much tougher.
I will leave with things are going well and healthy with Hannah, I have school issues with Hannah but I will leave those until I have the meeting with the teacher's. Blake is having what seems to be a cough/cold/sinus issues along with major emotional anger issues. he is 15 now and in three short years he will be an 'adult' by age, I need to get him somehow focused and on the right track, this will be a long road, keep praying. PS> he is not into Sudoko puzzles, music is his 'vent' when he is calm. school for Blake continues to go down the same road of not turining in his work. school for me is on spring break but going well. I am hopeful to pull a solid C or better in Bio Chem and an A in both math and college writing. you would not guess by my typing errors, spelling, and, grammer errors on this update or others. God Speed. ~Holly~
Please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in remission, having treatments, going through a BMT or recovering from one and those families who now have an angel in heaven.
Saturday, February 10, 2007 3:30 PM CST Hello, IT'S OVER!!!! the tonsils and adenoids (partial adenoid ectomy) are done! Hannah did great. I am glad it is all done and now the hard part... the pain and healing. she is doing very well now and is only on regular Tylenol, no other pain meds. the ENT Dr. came to see her twice and said she is ahead by needing tylenol only and she ATE FOOD! she had mashed potatoes, Spaghetti O's (yuk!), and macaroni and cheese! I thought she was going to be on liquid worked up to softer foods like jello and applesauce... the nurse said no these are 'soft' foods! so Hannah blew them away again and needed less meds and was up talking, walking and unhooked from her IV by 5 PM! just hours after her surgery. her ENT Dr. said it would take around half an hour and he was meeting with us just before a half hour was up stating it went well and even took pictures for Hannah to take home and see what her tonsils looked like! I will scan and post them later.. I am about brain fried! long week, emotional week, and a big test on Monday for Biochem!
I should back up a bit and say Thursday night was a bad night after the news! Hannah and I were getting all packed up and settled, she had her bath and was ready for bed and I still needed mine but me being mom and needing to get a gazillion things done and running on nerves.... well, Hannah wanted me to rub her back and I knew she needed mom time so off we went to my bed to snuggle. less than 15 minutes later I was OUT! a short time after that I heard my friend asking me did I hear the accident outside? I said accident where? NO? so I get up and go to the front of the house and see two cars onw in the neighbors driveway acrross the street and just a bit up from me and then I see a car in my neighbors yard.. IN THE FRONT YARD, it went through the corner of MY FRONT YARD to get to hers and it landed beside the gas meeter knocking it loose and all you heard and smelled was gas shshshshshhsh sound. I freaked out!! I heard a few people screaming GET OUT ..get out now!! well I realized that my bedroom window was facing the gas line and not many feet away! Hannah was in bed sleeping in my room by that window!! well I ran and grabbed her tossed her coat on she grabbed slippers and I grabbed clothes and shoes a jacket my purse and we all ran outta there!
I had my friend start my car to keep us warm then we drove to the other side of the drive way, I called 911 and the police, fire, rescue, ambulance, etc.. all came out a short while later they all left! HELLO>>>> GAS LEAKING>>>>> we did find out they (?) came and shut the meter main valve to the leaking line off and the gas crew was on it's way out.. SO is it safe to go back in?? we waited a little bit and saw the gas pepole come to repair and make sure things were off and we got told well were not sure how broken the line underneith is so for now it's pretty safe and we'll be out in the AM to finish checking and fixing it! WELL I am not staying here worrying the rest of the night and Hannah was crying scared .. I kept thinking this is all she needs now is a bit of TERROR befor her surgery ontop of being nervous and scared for that! I made some quick calls and got us a room at the local hotel the dog was allowed to go too! so after 3 AM we finally got settled and fell asleep. I had a 7 AM wake up call and we got ready and left. talk abuut sleep deprived!
At the hospital we got her checked in and waited, and waited.... then Hannah asked for the toy room and off we went to the toy room until 1 PM when they were ready for her upstairs in the surgery hold area. she was given verced (sp?) or versed..strong "happy juice" and a short time later she was "happy"! then off she went and I was off to the waiting room. so the outcome now is she is doing very well and no Bleeding!! PTL! keep those prayers going for no bleeds. Thanks to all who sent well wishes and cards (keep those going too!)Hannah loves MAIL! she was very surprised to see the messages in her guest book today when she came home from the hospital. Thank you to Hannah's new friends from Levittown, NY! when she is better and our schedules allow, we hope to come for a visit!! well I am drained and tired so I may curl up next to Hannah and rub her belly and back and nap along with her. she said her voice hurts and wants me to lay down with her so off to give some TLC. will update again soon. ~Holly~
Monday, January 15, 2007 9:10 AM CST Hello,
Sorry it has been so long between updates. Christmas was very nice, just empty and lonely without Mark. The kids felt the loss more during the holidays. My hardest was new year’s eve. Knowing he was not going to be there at midnight with me/us celebrating a new year in and looking forward to the new year and what it would bring. I miss him and know how important it is to move on, just hard to do many days. I am officially in college! 3 classes 4 days a week. I come home do my homework and then help Hannah with hers and get dinner ready eat clean up study some and the bed routine… and I am usually asleep before the kids! The first week on campus I had many emotions, excitement, fear, sadness and pride. Yes pride, I know Mark would be proud of me as I am proud of myself for having strength to move on and go back to school. Seems so much has happened since Mark passed, Hannah lost teeth, I re-decorated the house some, the dog has had more health issues…. And Blake is well…. Doing as best as he can. He is in counseling now and his grades are about the same with small improvements. His attitude is still very mouthy and degrading. I am sure this is part anger over Mark’s death, he vents mostly at me or his sister and my side of the family.
We are doing what we can and moving on as best we can. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for so long and I never know when it is going to hit. Like in writing class last week. The teacher asked us to do a paper in class on a person place or thing that changed us. how did the change impacted our lives? I could write about many but I chose my mother. As I wrote I shed a few tears, those tears brought me to many thoughts I have kind of had way in the back. Mom was my first mentor who taught me things I carry through today and teach my kids. Then I had a weepy day on the couch, you know, the days where your hormones are raging out of control and you don’t want to get dressed or do anything. You turn the TV on and it had nothing but sappy movies about loved ones dying so I spent the day watching and crying. I did get up around dinner time clean up the house started the laundry and showered, dressed then took the kids out to eat and to see a comedy. Sunday during church I felt a panic attack hitting as I was sitting in with the choir I kept thinking… NO HOLLY…. not now, you can breathe through this you know what it is, breathe. I breathed and kept thinking if this does not slow down I will need get up and leave. I was able to breathe through it in time to sing and did not rush to grab a pill. I pray I can keep them away and just breathe through them when they happen.
I know with the emotions running high, all that has been changing and Hannah’s tonsil surgery rapidly approaching, February 9th. All I have been feeling and holding in then the hormones hit clashed bringing everything to where I would have had a bad panic attack, thankfully, I handled it well. I have noticed when my hormones are high and my emotions and ‘plate of worry’ are reaching full all seem to happen about the same time. Knowing this will be a helpful tool for me to try and not let it get to out of control. Hannah is worried about her surgery and I keep telling her it is MY job to worry not hers, I know she will still be a bit scared who wouldn’t be. I am just hoping to keep her from creating a worry plate this young. Blake’s mouth finally caught up to him and one of his teachers over heard him ‘being funny’ impressing his friends with his one slur… I will not repeat it here so not to offend anyone.. when he said the teacher was cool and told him to never say it again he was like alright. I said what did he say to you about getting caught saying it again? Blake was silent so I know he was ‘busted’ and getting caught a second time has stiff punishments like detention or suspension. He will avoid a suspension knowing his grandfather would not approve. He may have said the same things under his breath when Mark was alive but never loud enough for Mark to hear or correct them. They mainly started more since Mark’s passing and he keeps it to only in the house around me, at me, to me, or his sister. When I correct him I get the mouth even more, when I ignore it he does not do it so much yet I feel a disservice by letting it go like he is getting away with hurting others. I feel like it is a tourettes type of behavior or his ADHD type as well as his tongue clicking loudly has gotten worse to the point I feel like snapping!
Well I will be talking to the therapist about these things and seeing what she may have to help. Blake and I are spending the day without Hannah, I am hoping this gives us the one on one time he wants and it is a pleasant day? Well off to get busy running, like laundry it never stops. Hannah will be 3 years in remission January 21! PTL!! Another thing Mark is missing as we are missing sharing it with him. Yes, he knows and is around us however the spirit goes only so far when one wants to see and hear and feel the person when sharing. Hannah has made mention of missing her daddy so many times lately. I told her daddy would be right there next to her in surgery holding her hand and I would see about getting permission for her to have her daddy next to her (her necklace with his ashes) so she would be able to have him there. Even if they say ‘yes’ until she is sedated, for her it means a comfort level. Pray for us to keep strong, Hannah and her fears as well as mine for her surgery. I will hope to post again before her surgery, I will have to see how the days get away and school work keeps me busy along with regular housework and kids needing to get here or there.
Pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT and recovering from a BMT, those in the hospital in treatment and those who now have an angel in heaven.
Friday, December 15, 2006 1:04 PM CST Hello, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukka, Happy Kwaanza and Happy New Year. Here is to a year full of hope and new dreams for all. I have had an emotional few weeks! Thanksgiving was nice and we had family and friends around. thinking of Mark not being there and just expecting him to walk in at any moment.. everytime the door opened...I held my breath... I know he is never coming back guess I am stuck with how he died so suddenly and just speaking to him less than an hour before he died makes the loss not seem real. school will be starting for me soon, January 8th so new dreams and our way of life for 2007.
The "Lemon Law Lawsuit" car has reached a decision... They are going to buy back the lemon! gee.. I was getting used to having a "new used" rental car EVERY WEEK!! talk about parking lot memory game.......now what color was it this week... what type and did I park over here....Honestly the kids thought it was funny looking around for what car we drove.. and one week just happened EVERY one near where we parked had a silver mid sized car! I finaly got "it" and started looking at the key tag for the make and model then would try to remember the area and color and then when all else failed.... look for the green enterprise logo on the back! works every time..
Blake has an appointment to see a "shrink" so we can get family approval to get family counceling.. seems they researched and saw Blake has anger issues so they are very causious as who can and canot attend meetings at a family group so they want to make sure he is not going to be a problem.... Hannah has an ENT consult December 27th for her tonsil surgery... now fitting that into everything else and getting over Holiday BLAH at the same time... OH yeah and remain SANE! these spammers with the porn are really getting to me.. I will have to again try and contact caringbridge to see what more help they can offer??
I have made enough cookies to last forever...! I droped off several cookie trays to Mark's work last week and that was bittersweet. nice to see everyone yet I knew this would be one of the last times I would be going there.... there may be a time or two here or there in the next year but for the most part everyone has come forward and given there all 100 percent to help us in every way possible Arletta doing 150 percent plus!! I waswalking around seeing everyone and we got to Mark's office and they painted it and recarpeted it.. it was so empty and when I smelled the room it did not have Mark.. when I saw the bare walls they too did not have Mark.. I stood there and sobbed before I got myself under control.....part of me wanted to sit in his chair... holding on just for a bit longer......then I saw the floor .where he died and knew just knew it was time to go. I saw 'thinny Mark'..... he gave me a big hug and kiss and I wanted to hold on forever....not because he looks like my Mark just because he was one of the first ones there to see and help and work on Mark and I know he too must be hurting in some way.. like many of them who helped work on Mark that day. I am glad to hear many stopped smoking and went to see their doctors...helthier 2007!
I was presented with the check from the memorial dinner for the kids fund....I was blown away...I still am! lets just say these kids will not have to worry about colleges or what they may need from now until college. THANK YOU Arletta and those who gave generously for our children. I felt we too have to give back and help others out of giving to others the reward lasts a lifetime! since Hannah was due to tape her make a wish commercial around the time Mark passed away and we never rescheduled we stopped by the mall at Robinson where they were doing their live broadcasts for the make a wish foundation and little Hannah talked and gave them a FULL WISH for another child so they too could have a magical time as we did in February 2005. we then had to go into the build a 'friend' and Hannah built herself a friend.. to hear her giggle and laugh made me smile and cry! her holiday concert was that morning so she was still dressed up and during the concert I thought I wonder if Mark is watching her.....I then saw a bald guy while I was taping her and about fell off my chair! I guess he was there after all! I think they should outlaw bald men for a while! LOL! I was sitting there waiting on the concert to start and thought well I can tape this so Mark can see later (like last year).... then it hit me again.... he is NOT at work.. he is in HEAVEN!
I read the first year is hard but the second is harder....I pray that is not true.. I am falling apart a bit more each day as Christmas is getting closer...and yes my big 38 is Thursday the 21st. Hannah has it all planned out.. we are going out to dinner probably Mcdonald's...then bowling and maybe a movie...the kids went bowling with Mark several times for something to do and Hannah misses it very much. so I guess bowling it will be Thursday! John signed Hannah up for the legion Christmas Party Saturday and we are going there.. I hope I can keep it in for that! Mark would go since he too was a member. Blake will like going as well since pappy takes him there to shoot a game of pool and unwind. I am stickign to the tight no emotions allowed when I purchase things.... so not to overload on things we do not need or want. Balke is doign his best to give me the guilty shoulder... but if you buy me this I wont feel so bad dad died...or when I say NO he says wish it was you not dad... so this is why HE needs help and counceling.. Hannah has had a few mornings of I do not want to go to school and fighting me to get dressed but when she is all dressed hair done glasses and shoes on she is in a bit of a better mood and I know when she is at school she does well. still some counceling for all of us is needed.
I have giotten a few cards in from friends (when we boated) and they did not know Mark passed away. I read the cards and broke down... I sent off some letters to them and updated them on what happened, they live out of state and only come back every few years... it was like telling our friends the first time I made those calls back in August.. still so fresh. I keep hearing I really don't know how your doing it and what to say... talk about MARK it helps heal... to hear good things about him at work a funny story even if I heard it.. helps keep his memory alive and his life he lived alive! I know my Christmas wish would be having Mark back like Hannah told Santa however having him in memories will have to do and be appreciated. time will heal I know this from my moms death.. time makes the apin hurt less it still hurts some days with a specific memory or song or feeling and smell but like now I can make cookies and not cry knowing mom tought me and I did it so she is proud of me... so with Mark for now the pain is raw however I can feel his approval of how I am handeling things for the kids.. I mess up and I will again I am human however I am sticking to keeping us going on one day at a time.
Hannah remembered I told her I would take her to see the Nutcracker..... so I better go look for tickets next Friday after school? maybe I can get away and make it next year?? guess not..she will remember I said I would take her! both kids are asking about 'Splash lagoon' in Erie PA we have made it our family winter vacation these past few years since Hannah's has been in remission.. I said well daddy was due to make the reservations in August so how about we put that on hold and go again another time... I always worried going in winter cause everyone is germy and inside around the indoor pools and water slides is a breeding ground.. we would always come back fine but within a few weeks someone would be sick. they are asking about going on vacation somewhere and I think after Hannah's tonsil surgery I will schedule time off from school and get away with the kids. scary ME planning to go away a whole trip flying and all just plan pack and go! GULP! big steps.. I may have suggested a place or ideas then Mark would come back with HERE. and have it planned out! I am sure he is smiling at me taking those next steps and doing things not waiting around. I will keep you posted when I make plans and have a schedule. maybe spring break.... when the kids and I have time off from school. well I have written a mini novel and have things to do around here for the weekend. Peace, Love, ~Holly~
Please pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatemtns and thoe having and healing from a BMT and always for those who now have an angel in heaven. 'May God Bless us Each and Everyone'.
Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:08 PM CST Happy Belated Thanksgiving. Happy... somewhat, we found some happiness with family and friends. sad day with no Mark, no leftovers and no decorating..until today. Hannah and Blake got me to get the led out of my butt and get the Christmas stuff out. so we did. the house is decorated yet it feels EMPTY! the past week and half feels so not like any holiday.
Hannah was in Children's hospital last Monday night Tuesday Am from 2AM-6AM. she had a cough I was going to wait until the morning to call her regualr pediatrician for however Hannah being Hannah we were not waiting until the morning... she asked me to come rub her back around 11:30PM so I layed down with her and went to lift her top only to find little petechia all over her neck, throat, chest, belly, some on her back, legs and all under both her armpits and down on to one lower arm! so we have a bad cough, headache, petechia, no fever however the temp was not registering at all infact it was low! so I felt it was time to call the doctor. she was worried enough to send us in for counts! I was now very worried!!
I was running around tossing clothes on Hannah and figuring out what to do next and told Blake he was 'on his own' for school in the AM if we were not back I would call later to let him know what was going on.. he mumbled and fell back to sleep. I then dressed myself and was trying to THINK... not going to happen! who ....how....where....MARK!!! I was lost no Mark how was I going to get through this..... I called my sister and she said call Jean our cousin.. she is a nightowl.. so i said I need someone to go with me...I can't do this alone... not again.. please I prayed NOT AGAIN.. MARK please we need you.... so off we went...
We get to Children's and they fast tracked her to a room checked her height, weight, BP and temp.. her temp was around 95.6....LOW, I thought infection....an ER doc came in took a look and did a throat culture for stip throat, her chest was clear so no chest films ordered, she then ordered blood tests....around 4 AM the IV team rolled in... UGH! Hannah saw those familiar tubes on the cart and knew... she started to cry and scream... so we held her down and just then jean said Hannah I got my game station with me.... well Hannah just layed there and giggled! did a comlpete 180 in seconds.. from screaming uncontrolled to giggling little girl! they got the IV in one shot! drew blood cultures to see if anything would grow... and tok some tubes for regular counts... so we now wait! no strip throat.. thought as much since her throat was not red or swollen... around 5:30 they came in with results.. her counts were all normal! her white was a little up but not alarming... so we knew she was fighting something off.. probably viral.. so I thought alright discharge us so we can go home get some sleep and then call for a follow up with the pediatrician... NOPE.. the hemonc team wants to see her ASAP! WHAT.. but her counts are good so why??? we need to make an appointment to see them.. Thanksgiving week I doubt it...
We did get discharged... and I left somewhat confused.. if her counts were good then why does oncology want to see her....I get home around 7 Am and woke Blake up.. he said why are you dressed...? I said because Hannah and I just got back form the hospital.. why? I said I'm too tired to rehash last night.... get to school! so he went to school Hannah was already fast asleep and I fell into bed exhausted! Hannah started crouping pretty bad and I got up gave her meds and saw I had a whole HOUR of sleep! time to call all her doctors and make appointments! I was up for over 24 hours....got a little over an hour and half of sleep and by the time I mad eappointemnts it was after 1:30 PM... Hannah just woke up and was hungry.. so off to grab her something to eat... then I realised we both needed showers and her follow up with her peds was at 3! so I showered her and dressed her got some things hurried along with the house... jumped in showered, dressed and Blake was just home when we were getting ready to leave.
Blake went with us and realised he was to get his flu shot while there....well his reaction was not pleasant! it I am sure offended many people there in ear shot (so very sorry!) and he was going to walk home.... after hearing those in the room gasp loudly at his outburst I was taken back since he would mumble under his breath but never mlet anyone hear his outbursts... so I thought this is going to be bad! we get in he gets his shot while we wait for the doc... the shot was over in seconds and he was asking will it hurt... UH.. you mean did it hurt Blake.. so he is now sitting there relieved and the doc walks in checks her out and says well the petechia was probably from the violent coughing and the low temp was normal for her... but not alarming the counts are wonderful and the white count shows she is fighting off a bug.. probably a virus and then she went off.. WHY does this child still have her tonsils!??? I thought this was decided long ago... and I said it was and they should have come out late August.. however with her dads pasing I put the surgery off since she was doing so well.
Needless to say WE are moving forward with getting her tonsils out! the doctor feels her infections/viruses are coming and holding on with her tonsils and adnoids.... so December 27th she will have her ENT pre~op appointment and as soon as we can work her feeling well with no infections or viruses into the surgeons schedule.. she will have them done! instay overnight then home quiet for two weeks! first 24 hours super critical.close watch..... first week critical for bleeding...closely watching her.. second week still critical but lesser every day. I am sure she will be fine and do well and she will be watched very CLOSE! so I may have to miss two weeks of school... not a problem... I may be able to work something out with the college. I still am wondering why Dr, Shaw still wants to see her??? maybe to make me feel at ease? maybe to see for himself what may be going on and check her counts under the microscope closely? so Wednesday we shall see what her oncologist has to say and see if he can call her ENT to get her appointment made earlier than December 27th! I do not want her to be miserable over Christmas... however I do not want her msising a lot of school either...then again with her infection/virus she has now she missed two days so far and has a temp now of 101.1 so she is missing school feeling like this!
I will keep you posted.. and be warned those who are STILL leaving porn messages in the guest book....many are watching! for now... blesings for this holiday season... I am feeling so very empty it is unbearable...however I will get through this the kids will make sure... they keep me busy and I stay busy... just guess this is what everyone who felt a great loss feels like with the 'first' Christmas and other holidays without there loved ones. EMPTY just so darn EMPTY.... GOD speed. ~Holly~
Please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT or recovering from a BMT, and those families who now have an angel in heaven.
Monday, November 20, 2006 7:59 AM CST Hello...... Well seems sone sick pervert who is addicted to PORN got to Hannah's guest book!! how rude! not to worry this matter has been turned over to propper authorities and if they think they can hide or get away with it think again! I spoke to a person directly from caringbridge who put me intouch with the propper authorities and they took information from my computer on her web page guest book and even though they may not be real 'addresses' other than the porn site names they left.... they have an IP address (or something computer termed I know nothing about) and they can search a special way when it comes to porn and porn opn kids sites!! so who ever you are you will get what you deserve!!! and if I get the chance when your cought to help fry your A** you bet I will sicko!! take heed those who think about it again!! you have been warned!!!!!!!
Now onto more updates.....on the Hannah home front things are going well with school, nasty cold keeping it's ugly head returning week to week. we had the infected sinuses and then it went away only to be back not in the infection state just sneezy and allergy-ish. now we have what seems to be a full blopwn cold. Hannah joined Brownie girlscouts this week and is very excited... I am not sure where my head was when I signed up to go ICE SKATING with them Saturday after thanksgiving!! they require the kids to wear helmets... (Hannah will also don knee pads, elbow pads and maybe a butt pad!!) I too am looking for extra large knee, elbow butt and helmet!! OH can you say broken body this weekend.. if y'all hear a big boom sometime between 3 and 6 PM that would be me falling down!! we are going to my nieces house for thanksgiving and Saturday night if I am not too beat up.... back over to her place for a bit of a party....I may need a magerita or two to help the pain!! the kids play in the playroom in her attic and the new puppies will keep them busy... R&R time!!
Blake is well...BLAKE! he still is missing homework yet when we play games at my cousins and it comes to hard questions or history even the trivia (who would know what that is was or ??) he gets them... so we know he has brain cells that work!! he is sometimes really off and other time he 'gets it' but those are few and very minimal at best when he is having a get it day/hour... I will keep working on this and keep letting him know (no matter how mushy...) I LOVE HIM and nothing can ever break that... seems to be working.. he did however get detention....and we had the so your grades suck speech.. that led to both of us crying....and ending in WATCH who you pick as FRIENDS... seems he has a few "friends" who tag along gather information and use it agains whoever they can to escape trouble...one such time was on the bus someone sprayed AXE body spray (Blake's brand) and HE was blamed due to the "sprayed bottle dissappearing" but he had bottle smelling the smae and yup! busted!!! same for the ones who hang around for his money... Blake had evidently payed for a few friends to get in skating and or got them food and drinks or?? and now he wonders why when his wallet is dry those 'friends' are not around. life lessons learning!
I will be going back to college OFFICIALLY January 8th to the local commuity college. I am happy yet terrified!! me this age college.. what am I thinking...I passed all but the math and english was low but acceptable.. still have to take an english class to catch up.... so I will be full time for now.. see if I can handle the 10 credits...??? now all I need is to see what monies come in and what ones will be "free" and ones I will owe later....and the BILL... I have my books so if finacial aide comes through they will send me a check as rebate for my books since they are covered ..... did not know that but students who did explained this to me... sometimes the check does not arrive in time and you need books now so you get your books and then when the check comes you get a 'rebate' for books you got. sound confusing enough!! the kids have their winter gear now... while shopping for Blake Hannah spotted MR> Clause.... so I said alright we can go see Santa while Blake looks around.... well TISSUE WARNING!!! she hops up in his lap a bit teary eyed (she never has found a santa she likes and cries at most of them...then again we tell them stay away from STRANGERS only to pop them on ones lap every year this time!!!) so he asked her waht do you want for Christmas this year little girl and she said I really only want my daddy back... then continued with since he can't copme back could you make sure he gets a present in heaven and pick up my envelope full of kisses for him!!! YES outta her mouth! and Santa, the photo elves and I stood there balling!!
the holidays are looking somewhat bleak in the ways of feeling like celibrating... however with kids.. and I know this is my favorite time of year.. just hollow inside. will fill you in later... have to run.
pray for those who still fight this battle and those who have won and those who are now a heavenly angel. god speed ~Holly~
Monday, October 30, 2006 10:58 AM CST Hello, I know a long overdue update......well here goes... Happy Halloween!! Mark's favorite holiday, another first alone..
since being no longer employed and having to deal with Mark's sudden and unexpected passing I know I had work to do....so I went to it! I built 4 new pieces of furniture (boxed type not from scratch!) bookcases/picture cases/computer cupboard and bench! whew!! that kept me a little busy. then I tackled the cupboards and drawers, Blake's room, Hannah's room and attic way. mostly to find pictures for Mark's memorial dinner/fund raiser. I have new dining room and living room furniture as well. just some things needed done and new changes to lead me up to cleaning out the filing cabnets and kitchen and bathroom cupboards.. I never did "spring cleaning" always fall reading the house up for the holidays..... and then I found myslef cleaned into the corner..... now the only cupboard left to do was Mark's clothes... damn.... could not avoit it any longer.. I kept doing every thing but his clothes.... now it was time.. I was still not ready however his brother would be here for the diner and I knew he would be taking Mark's clothes since they were about the same size.
Blake and Hannah came into my bedroom and helped me to go through the clothes.. we talked abuot I remember when dad wore this and where... I was holding up ok then Blake said mom smell this shirt.. I was thinking hmmm missed one in the wash and Balke said as I smelled it; smells like dad.. well that did me in for a while.. Blkae felt bad saying it was going to be alright and Hannah did her thing and ran for tissues for me! so we kept going I knew stopping now would only keep prolonging the job I did not want to do! the kids picked out favortie clothes they remembered Mark in or had menaing for them and Hannah came to this one shirt with near tears in her eyes and said mommy daddy wore this one on me from the camper to home one day.. I said for what.. she said he forgot my clothes at home and I was naked!! so he tossed one of his shirts on me after my bath and I slept in it and he just brought me home in it.. well tears flew and this went in her pile for the 'life quilts'... I have yet to find out more information of how to get Mark's clothes made into a quilt (Donna if your reading this call me or email me with information please!!)for the kids.
Mark's memorial dinner was very very nicely done and very memorable for everyone who was able to be there. I cannot thank Alcosan enough and the many companies/corporations who all helped to make the evening grand! Mark was honored, remembered and loved! the stories told will last for many many years and I am glad to hear another side of Mark I never got to see.. his work side. I only saw the times I went to meetings, dinners, events, parties or ball games... he was 'working' even at these events. I never heard about his work self since he never spoke about it.. only those who knew and worked with him could tell me. we laughed we cried and we shared memories of a man taken too soon. I miss him and will always love him. if I can ever figure out how to load my camcorder to my pc and then download it to here I will!
I hear from many they are in awe of how Mark's work Alcosan has not just sent a card and walked away they call check in email and still have us back over and over to be involved and still remain part of his Alcosan family. they are taking care of us and seeing to it the kids will have things they need througout their lifetime through college years! raising kids is tough raising them alone is going to be a challenge.... but with all the help and suport I am sure we will get through. Mark is smiling down proudly I am sure, knowing his one worry was providing for his family through college for both kids and seeing to it they were taken care of will be done. I don't know what tomorrow will bring and having a large whole in my heart and this empty gut wrenching feeling where Mark once was there and things were all fuzzy and happy even with marital ups and downs...will be hard to close. having the kids here remind me of many things good in life. life will go on one day at a time and the memories I pray never fade.
after I 'finished' some things in the house and the clothes now gone.. WOOOPS! I did forget his suits..... so I will need to find homes for them.. soon! yes I did keep some clothes for me and I found myself in his suit jacket.... closest thing to his arms around me.....and with the three months since he has been gone (Wednesday November 1) I feel the changes in the house only make it more empty! I actually sat down the other day after the kids were in bed, the dinner over and thought alright things are in 'order' can you come see them now and just come back! I knew he liked it when I would 'shock him' and remodel something on my own.... like building a cabinet or laying down a floor, even just tearing apart something so he could get to work on it and have the demolition part done... we did work well together and I started to become more stubborn as I got older.. now I wish some things I would have just went with and did.. like a trip or a dinner...and the answers I still want to know all that happened that day.... even waiting on reports from the coroner and the EMT's.... I know nothing will bring him back and I will se him when my time comes... I just hurt like hell and really do not know what to do next....
I will be going back to college in January, providing all the paper work is done..!! we have a new washer and dryer so laundry keeps me busy.. if the hamper has clothes in them I am washing! dinners taste flat no matter how they are seasoned. the hoidays are rapidly approaching and I feel blank, numb and like flying to a warm place until spring.. then again spring has too many memories... every day every sound every season has memories... damnit I am scared and do not want to be alone!! this was not in the cards...GOD why! Hannah even said passing a sewage plant the one day.. is that my daddy's plant? it smells like my daddy... where he worked.....please slap me awake somebody .. Mark please come back in some way.. let me know it will be alright let me see into your eyes so blue.... I am not ready for this not now.. not for many many many years!!! I fear Blake will run wild.... and Hannah will just be lost her whole life.....I have to fill this void of their father....and how if I am falling apart... how much longer can I keep it together..... the tears hurt... the head is hurt and the heart is broken into a milliion pieces...I am just one panic attack away from the hospitals lock up ward and who will take care of the kids then??? and all the books say I will feel like this.....this is normal... it does not feel normal!! WHY!!! guess I am going throug anger again..?? normal HUH... then what... when will I feel whole agian and safe.... I know time .. time time time... I thought we had TIME more time!!!
I guess I needed to 'vent' some days I feel like I can't cry and thers I can't stop.... now I am a ball of Blah and feel like I can[t function.... dinner has to be made.. clothes need switched from the washer and dryer and I have no energy.. OH lets add I feel like I am heading for something yuky in my chest like good 'ol bronchitis!! the wheezing and gurgeling sounds are there then again spending a few weeks inhaling large amounts of house dust Im allergic too could have helped! the coughing is there but mild like I feel something is still in my chest... no fever so maybe I can keep an illness at bay... I hate being sick but being sick alone.... to take care of everything....Mark would see if I was sick and decide to take a day or so off to help out until I could function better.... now I still need to drag my butt out of bed sick or not and do what needs done.. strong.. PLEASE.... I have figured that word out I am not STRONG... I am on survival mode.... I have to just like when Hannah was sick with leukemia (by the way she is 2 years 9 months in remission! PTL) we survived.. Mark and I.. he went to work I stayed at the hospital or home with the kids.... Blake went to school or various grandfathers and relatives houses....now we are surviving Hannah , Blake and I... as well as his dad ...I just don't know how... I think this is gods blessing... to take and yet comfort us.... well can I feel like crap and have him back.....!I do not want to be angry.... not at anyone not at God... but I am.... this makes me sad.... and dissappointed I feel this way.... I have no idea how to get a hold of these feelings... I can 'function' and try to hide it./.. my family knows me and knows all they have to do is say how are you and when my voice quivers they know I am hurting.... I am not the only one.. and how can I help them feeling like this..?? I lash out at the kids sometimes... then feel overly guilty and want to make up for it.. and that is not right.. scared the kids health will be like no matter what they do their fate is sealed with bad hearts... they may be good now but later into thier 20's 30's and 40's..... they will have Mark's fate. then I think I have a bad 'heart' with surgery before I was 3 months old nearly dying.... I suffer from panic attacks and have a mitrol valve prolapse... among borderline colesterol troubles... heart palpitations.... so why MARK.... well I have left a novel of WOW she is really screwed up....... so I will end with please pray for me and the family to heal.... and have answers to questions to help us to heal...
Pray for those newly diagnosed, in treatments, in remission, having and healing from a BMT and those who now have an angel in heaven. ~God Speed~ HOlly
Tuesday, October 3, 2006 11:14 PM CDT Hello, Well the job is done! I quit!! whoohoo.. what a relief that was telling my boss see ya! yes I QUIT my JOB.... why? simple.. on principles.. my boss hired an outsider to be manager and never told me. he never told me while my duties were being taken over one by one I was not going to be the manager.... after training and doing the managers job for months... getting there early without clocking in leaving late after clocking out earlier... buying things out of my own pocket and putting my all into that job and for what.... not being told the truth to my face by my boss but hearing it from other employees and finally the new manager... NOPE. not going to be used... so I marched in and went to talk to him face to face for some answers.... he was truthfu and said he did hire another for manaher and he appologised for not telling me in person and me finding out how I did but that was not good enough... so I walked and he did try to see what he could do to keep me other than paying me more money.. so I said since I am leaving and you no longer have to pay me at least give Suzanne a raise!! that is in the works from what I am understanding....
as for the homefront.. well all I can say is this week is pretty sad..... Saturday was Mark's open house and we went.. I started crying when we passed the hospital where Mark was pronounced at and kept thinking of how he looked all purple... then we got into Alcosan and saw the 'in memory signs' and buttons everyone was wearing, this was only the parking lot and I was a mess! we got into the plant and everyone started to see us and came over with hugs and asking how we were and I spent the majority of the day crying. I swore Mark was going to walk out of the building, everywhere I looked I saw him.... I know he was not there but things were so familiar as if he was there. Sunday was the first and every first is hard... Wednesday is Mark's 44th birthday...and scattering day the last one at his work. we are taking a carrot cake up Hannah is insisting we sing happy birthday to Mark... and enjoying a peice of carrot cake mark's favorite. Thursday is hannah's Light the night walk, so far I think she is at $1,500.00!! thanks to all who donated!!
Hannah is doing well in school and healthy. Blake is doing so/so in school and having anger issues.. daily he tells me he hates me and wishes I was dead and in Mark's place, it should have been me not Mark and he wishes I die soon and painfully horrible... he is deep in anger and depression and it is coming out on me. I am trying to be tough skinned and know some of this is said in front of people for attention but never in front of people who may say something to him like a teacher or family and close friends, just strangers passing by in a store or at home and he has taken up hitting Hannah when I am not looking or blaming her for things eh did. he even started dropping htings in the toilet and peeing on them! I caught him and he said it dropped by accident I was using it and it just fell... the towel cupboard is right next to the toilet and he has dropped them in by opening the very full cupboard (not entirely his fault there) but he puts them back in after they fall in the toilet instead of putting them into the wash or hamper. lots of termoil there.. and resentment for mark dying.
I do have another job.. I quit on Sunday two weeks ago and on Monaday sent in my application to Wendy's hambergers by me and was hired on Wednesday and did my training part 1 on Monday.. now I start full training this Monday and work Mon-Fri 11 Am-4PM then off weekends only working Saturdays for emergencies!! whohoo!! weekends off!! Saturdays sleep in days.. NOT! gymnastics.. bummer.. oh well.. workout day for the family! walk the dog too! my emotions are on a roller coaster.. the Durango vehicle is now gone.. and I have a bill for $25,138.90! I think NOT!!! they said it was just an invoice and all returns are handled with a second chance notice to buy back the vehicle with costs... well NOT ME! the harrassing they did and calling after a death certificate was sent in and still asking for Mark.... I think all the money's and paper work has been for the most part done.. now it is just making out my will and getting Mark;s credit cards taken care of and other minor things like me on the deed to the house.
Adding insult to injury this week... I was finishing up laundry Monday morning and heard a lund bang then a snap and pop.. I went to see where it may have come form and found nothing out of place or smoking and burning or broken.. I thought... then the dryer buzzed and I went to switch the paods and found my dryer smelled and the things were still very damp.. UGH! the belt on the dryere went that was the loud sounds... so I went to load up the things just washed into a basket to take to the laundromat and found it too had died and was full of water still! so I remembered a trick Mark showed me on letting the water out of the washer aand squeezed as much out that I could then headed over to finish the laundry at the laundromat! YUK how I hate those places.. fulll of germs and people who do not head the rules.. and smoke inside. well I will update again if not after her light the night walk then maybe before Halloween??? with finishing some updates around here and the new job mon-fri... my time will be limited to weekends. I already have a migrain from stress and crying...if thios headache keeps up much longer with tylenol I will have to call the doctor for him to see me....my blood tests were good, sugar level normal, blood counts normal levels and cholesterol.. elivated! he wantred to start me on a drug similar to what I had in the past and it made me beet red and flushed feeling very very hot and sent me into a panic attack around 3 AM....niaspan ??
I am going to try a natural drug called red rice something.... it is to have less side effects and more effective.. so why not! I hated the hot feeling and flushed I looked like I layed in the sun all day and felt like the worst sunburn i ever had every night!! I hated feeling that hot all the time and looking like a sunburned fool. if anyone is interested in donating to Mark's memorial fund they can find information at www.markhannum.com also lists the nights events for the dinner. well speaking of feeling hot I am heading to bed for a shower and sleep! past few nights I have been asleep around 10... tonight later! well happy heavenly birthday mark. I hope you are enjoying angel food cake with chocolate whipped cream and carrot cake or cherry cheesecake or all of them! still waiting on those reports from the doctors , hospital and coroner.. pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, in trestments ahving and healing from a BMT and those who now have an angel in heaven. Thanks Brenda for the wonderful web page for Hannah!! we love it! God speed ~Holly~
Sunday, September 17, 2006 10:05 PM CDT Hello, exhausted, tired, mentally drained.. and frustrated!! can there really be any MORE paperwork? or harrassing phone calls about who can pick up the durango or why can't Mark pay it this month?? UGH! because he DIED, is dead is no longer living or breathing and has no income!! stop calling me and asking is Mark home?? you jack a**es know he is gone you have a death certificate so stop calling and asking for him!! the pain is unreal when I hear.... hello is Mark home? NO! I am getting conflicting answers as to how best to invest Mark's insurance policies WHEN they get paid to me. right now I have some leftover from his last pay from work and the vacation/sick pay left for the year.
I am still waiting on my attorney to send me the information and letter requesting me be made head of mark's estate so we can move forward and pay off or have some of Mark's debts forgiven.. longer process than what I wanted!! then there is the house mortgage yet to be switched to me , again attorney letter is needed to prive I am who I am Mark's widow. OH how I hate that word.. WIDOW... this is a term used for OLD ladies who are like 95 or 105!! not 37... the kids got their first social security checks in their accounts.. good thing I have Blkae convinced he will be getting a *new mac card...(not really) I am having his mac card terminated until later.. like when he is 21 and more responsible for his money! he thinks I have to change it since I will be added to his account and Mark taken off and this is changing accounts will cause for him to be issued a new mac card... it is the same account just I am having his card terminated.
he gets $2.00 in his pocket and he is wanting to spend, spend, spend.... or has to rush out and buy a new CD... or video or game or???? I am having trouble with a few "free" or free now pay later if needed things...like the kids qualified for school lunch program this year... Hannah is excitred Blake is embarassed.. and I called arouind to have estimates on ductwork and an aircleaner along with an airconditioner and found this one company is wanting to donate the aircleaner and is asking me to send a letter to the housing authority for free home improvements like the ductwork and aircleaner..no airconditoiner as this is a conveinience... I want to let them install it for me since I have no acces to any insurances and the lifetme monthly income I am supposed to get from his pension or whatever paperwork I signed for... has yet to start. are we "poor" not quite.. just have bills looming overhead and the money in the bank is shrinking daily... the company who came for the initial estimates started the whole ball rolling with getting things done ASAP and for free.. even after I tried to explaine I will have money just not now.. still waiting on the attorney and letters and court dates and filing dates..UGH! so now what??
I do worry with all going on my job will be gone.. (company not doing very well)the job has been keeping me going before and after Mark's death.... and it is an income. I have my college interview tomorrow (not sure if testing as well?) I also found out since it has been sooo loong since I went to school and college I have to start 'over' and this will take a bit longer than what i anticipated!! then figuring out how to jugle school for the kids and college for me along with working and doing housework bills shoping..etc... can I be cloned for a few years??????
Blake is doing so/so....I really want him to be a part of church with hannah and I however he is holding fast to "dad never went and he did not like it so I won't go"! I push too hard he will bolt.. I don't push some and I will be weak and give in.... having the church is really helping me to stay strong and focus.. I still have days of anger, resentment and just break down and sob days.. Hannah is doing well in school yet struggles some with anger .. she is doing alot of complaining of bone pain so of course I am on over drive and worry! she sees her Oncologist Dr. Dreamy I mean Dr. Shaw......(c'mon.. you all KNOW by now I think he's DA'Bomb'...he's got the whole package... and he is taken! however I met his wife and she is wonderful!!!)this just makes my standards higher ..... for myself, my kids, my life. as well as helps me to keep strong. I looke for signs on Hannah and see nothing but healthy litle girl and wonder if her 'pain' is from being scared and lost since Mark is gone and wanting attention? until I get those blood counts in Wednesday I will have no nails left!!
I was deeply saddened by so many who I follow passing away these past few weeks/months. so unfair... life is so fragile and to lose a child is unbarable, I can only immagine, and would never want to experience that loss and yet so many parents do. before September is gone September IS CHILDHOOD AWARENESS MONTH!! s please do all you can to donate, help out to raise awareness and funds for childhood cancers! every little bit helps and every voice counts!! I have yet to have an actuall tally of Hannah's light the night funds sent in by so many since Mark's passing.....her online account does not show the updated amounts and I still do not have a totall for her team ' Hannah's helping hero's'. I will keep you posted on all information.
October 27th Mark's office is having his 'retirement' dinner he will never have only making it into a memorial/fundraising dinner. the fundraising I think is for the kids college funds?? I have so many things to get organised for that evening ..pictures...and I may write something just not sure if I can speak it that night.. may have to send in a speaker for me. I may be able to squeak out Thank you's... Blake and his grandfather John (Mark's dad) are planning to play guitar that night in memory of Mark. since all 3 love the guitar.. his dad is taking this very hard as any parent would losing a child yet losing one at age 43. I think I need to seriously start a book... with all things going on and tragedies of my life (may be the title..LOL) could be a comedy who knows... one does not make this up.. mother dying during childs 3rd birthday party one day after family dog is hit and killed and days after child is home from hospital from cancer treatments!
I do have to ask.. if we are all here for a reason then what is mine.. going through so many tragedies and for what? and why? pain of a bad first marriage... suffering as a child from one illness to another and surgeries as a baby....then having an ill child who thankfully is 2 years 8 months remission Thursday September 21!! then husband dying..... for what? these burdens I need to leave with the lord. fear and worrry, resentment and anger... swirl around with grief and sorrow....never knwoing what emotion will spring up next! I often wonder if I need the looney bin?? no offence and trust me I know what itis like.. I take medicine for nerves and anxiety daily.. when I remeber.. oh this reminds me I forgot to take my althziemer pill! LOL!.. or did I?..... see dry humor or humorless humor?? and now I feel I am taking steps backwards and heading for panic attack city once more.. not a fun place to be or visit.... again this I leave to the lord for help guidence and healing.
for now I will end this 'novel' with pray for those newly diagnosed, those in remission, in treatment and having or healing from a BMT those doctors who treat these children that they are guided to the right desisions and those families who now have an angel in heaven. Hannah's page will be going through some updates thanks to the generous offering from Brenda who lost her father and has a caringbridge page in tribute to him and her awesome talents and web designs.. Thank You Brenda!! god speed and prayers. ~Holly~
Saturday, August 26, 2006 9:11 PM CDT Thank you to all who come by to offer words of comfort at this most difficult time. Let the healing begin... or so we are told and must go on.....
since last journal many things have taken place, many forms have been filed and the paperwork is still piled high and the thank you's yet to be written! my house is falling apart in many ways.... Blake had a violent outburst the other night no doubt in anger of losing his father. he ran 'away' into the back yard and up a tree and the outcome was a twisted or fractured ankle! after a 3 hour trip to the ER for an x-ray, crutches, air cast and some tylenol....he is having a hard time understanding why his dad is gone... how can I help when I too am having just as hard of a time... Hannah is even taking fits of rage....
I hate the calander and the first of the month.. every month will be the reminder of our loss! nearing the one month mark.... and it still seems as if he is just away.. until I wake up in a panic of seeing him laying in the ER purple, tube in mouth eyes half closed and lifeless. We have scattered Mark in several of his places he wanted to be scattered... each time the Urn is lighter and each time less is left of his ashes and each time it is more final he is gone and not coming back. DAMNIT!! my heart ahces more now than ever for the kids and a bit for me.. selfish...? Maybe a little...
I called his office the other day wanting to ask him where he put the tax forms...... and when his voice came on in his voice mailbox I thought now what meeting would he be in and what phone should I call next and as I was thinking this I turned around to see the Urn on the table!! DAMNIT! then I awoke the one morning (oddly I have been waking promptly at 8:01 AM in the mornings... he passed on 8-01-06...?)and saw his wallet on the dresser and ran to see if his company car was still here... it was gone and I thought well he'll be calling me for his wallet.. maybe I should call in case he is not that far in to work yet and can turn around... Hmm.... then I walked back into the dining room half lauging at how I was going to rub it in on him forgetting his wallet (as he did me not long ago for forgetting my purse..) then it hit like a ton of bricks all over again as I saw the Urn there.... DAMNIT! part of me can't wait until it is gone... the Urn the ashes.. and the pain!!!
When will I remember he is gone?? when will this pain and emptiness heart ache stop.. when will I start to forget him?? this scares me more... forgetting him... what is left LOVE... pain, heart ache and WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY I AM SO DAMN STRONG?? do they not see I am falling apart?? my house has not been cleaned ... the dishes and garbage are piling up... how can I keep going on....I feel like sleeping all day... not eating.. not cleaning.. for who.. for what... .. I know for my kids.. for me... for health reasons but WHY!!! so many things need done and are swimming in my head... I can;t sleep yet that's all I want to do....
School starts on Tuesday here... mixed emotions going on in my head.. happy the kids will finally be back in school, happy Hannah will be in school all day reaching more milestones.. yet sad, sad I will not get that phone call from Mark about how wonderful it is for the kids to be growing up and making jokes trying to get me to stop crying over the kids going to school.. sad for the kids not being able to share everything with him in their lives from now on! and the butterflies... OH so many I keep seeing as well as many others have told me of the butterfly sightings...
When we were scattering Mark at one of his favorite places at the end of the last bit I scattered this wind came up and felt like wind I have not felt before.. it did not just blow at me or through me it surrounded me completely as if to be giving me a hug... like Mark saying thank you.. I'm home it's alright.. with each scattering I felt more of a peace but this last one near water was just an engulfing almost as if I could not walk due to the wind 'having me' and not letting me go... I guess what you have read sounded harsh or angry.. well I am angry... and I know I have to move on and get out of bed everyday.. life is too short as we sometimes learn the hard way.. there are no more one more's... one more kiss... one more talk.. one more walk... one more look into eyes.... one more snuggle.. and damnit winters coming and I will miss my warm snuggles with my cold butt and him saying GEES..... did you keep it in the freezer!! LOL!
I guess this is the 'healing process' and my lists will get smaller.. I have sold the camper and the Durnago will be returned soon.. most of mark's office things both from home and work office have been gone through and put away... his medicines ahve been taken care of... his clothes I have not yet had the heart to go through.... too soon.. I open the cupboard and see his ties and shirts.. and his drawers I open and see his t-shirts and still see him wearing them or remember the last time he was wearing that one... I sleep in his last shirt he had on the night before he died... I am mad I washed it yet it was GROSS covered in sweat from unpacking up and unloading the camper when we returned.... then again I miss his smell.... not the stinky sweat but his cologne mixed with his scent after he worked all day... the 'soft' smell of him...' Blake commented **graffic**... his Farts will be missed... not so much in smell but volume, sound, acuracy and belly laughs at me moaning in my sleep while he passed gas..... Blake asked me why I was smelling Mark's things as I came across them like his cell phone... and I said it smells like dad....
Blake and Hannah each have one of his pillows and even the smell on his pillows has faded.. I washed the bedding before we went on our last camping trip and he slept in the bed just one or twice so he did not have a left over smell....I see Hannah when she talks about him and you can see her remembering him....she was on my lap several weeks ago and I had come home from working the closing shift and Hannah sat on my lap looking at me and pulling strands of my hair softly over her nose and I could see her making a memory...priceless....I lost all my grandparents by the time I was 7 and I can only remember few things of them... I am wondering how much of Mark Hannah will remember? Blake is mad over me selling the camper and I am thinkingn of selling the boat as well... just more things I will not have to worry about when they are gone.. and less bills.... I think Blkae thinks I am trying to get rid of Mark... that I am not trying to do at all! how do you explain that to your teenager.... Blake keeps asking me to take him back to Ruth's Chris Steak house.. and I said that is a once ever few years that will happen!!
Hannah's about to lose her two front teeth.... Mark was the one to handle the teeth thing..I could do it but Mark and the 'fishing line trick' worked every time... so we'll see.... Mark also had the 'blue prints' on teenage boys.. since he was one once.. he was teaching me about teenage boys and I was teaching him about little girls and eventually teenage girls.. basicly MOOD SWINGS!! when they swing look out and avoid.. say nothing and if they cry leave them alone... if they want to talk LISTEN...then report to mom and she'll explain!! I will have to come back again and finish telling more of the 'odd things' happening like lights turned on and light switches not working hot water handle falling off when no one was near.. sconce falling off the wall when we are out .. and the best one.. feeling a hug around my waste while I drove to his office to fill out paperwork.. as I ask sometimes I get answers... maybe in a butterfly maybe in a fallen candel and even a hug around my waste... I think there are always signs if we open our minds eye..... for now I will search for answers to why and how he died suddenly.. this will not be easy since the autopsy report takes nearly 16 weeks to complete!! I will owever keep my minds eye wide open...and listen and feel and be guided... still have faith.. just trying to understand it more.... ~Holly~
PLease keep those in prayers.. newly diagnosed..in remission.. having a BMT and healign form one.. those having cmplications and the families who now have an angel in heaven... thank you for your continued prayers.. we need them and are moved by them. God speed
Tuesday, August 1, 2006 4:09 PM CDT Hello my friends. This is Kim here with a very sad update on the Hannum Family.
Today, Holly's husband Mark passed away from a massive heart attack. They rushed him to the hospital, but were unable to revive him.
Please say a prayer for Holly, Blake, Hannah, and their family as they struggle with their grief.
Mark Blakely Hannum
God speed, Mark.
Hello to my dear caringbridge family and friends, I was not sure when I would be 'back' to update... I am still in shock and every night think Mark will call like when he goes out of town or walk in with as always.. hey guys I'm home.... silence, mornings and nights are my hardest times.. during the day I try to keep busy and my brain just needs kept busy as well. I have got to be strong for my kids and I do cry often now I seem to do that mostly in the shower.
Hannah has been amazing... she drew a picture while we were making funeral arrangements and it was of me, her and Blake only and she said that was 'cause' my daddy's in heaven now! and he's not here but always in here (pointing to her heart) and I cry in my brain. Blake is taking it harder of course, he cries at night or says over and over I can't believe dad's really gone. he was blaming himself saying I caused dad's heart attack cause we had a fight the night before and it's all my fault..... no matter how many times I told him NO it was not your fault.. daddy had a bad heart and we did not know, Mark did not know. at the viewing Ed, one of Marks co-workers said to me Mark told me a bit of what went on with he and Blake the night before he passed and I know Mark was not mad at Blake can I talk to him about that? I said YES, please do.. later that night Blake walked over and said mom , Ed told me dad was'nt mad at me and I said see I told you he was not mad but coming from Mark's co-worker (who Blake met and spent time with during a science camp a few weeks ago at Mark's work)made the difference. maybe it was just a male thing?? Wendy walks around 'lost' and I ask Mark fo strength daily! he I believe sent me several signs.... I'll explain later.
now to the what happened part.... Tuesday August 1, 2006 should have been a normal day...... we has just sepnt a weekend camping, biking, canoeing, swimming, and ect....just having fun. Mark had no complaints other than some acid reflux from what we all thought was a case of strong sausage since we all complained too and some shoulder pains again from canoeing and we all had that as well. he did smoke and dip snuff (skoal) YUK! one thing I will take from this, like my mothers health issues DO NOT SMOKE EVER if you do QUIT NOW!!! I did note he was a bit quieter.. sleeping a bit more biking a bit slower and just keeping to himself. he did not even play his guitar at all during the weekend and he always played it at the campfire even if it was just one song!
I just thought like me he was overstressed at work and he was unwinding.... now putting peices together hearing others say he complained since June of not feeling 'right' and he was doing more sleeping. he told me he thought his blood pressure meds needed adjusted since he had lower pressures and would sometimes get up too fast and feel dizzy. he did have a Dr.'s appointment set for next week and knowing Mark he figured he would just let the Dr. know next week all his symptoms instead of now since it was probably nothing anyway..... he would come in from his checkups and say well bad news, I'm gonna live! he thought that was funny...
he left from the camper that morning and said see ya tonight and a short time later I got the kids up and we packed up to come home so I too could get ready for work. Mark was still home up in his loft/office and he came in a short time after we came home to see us and tell Balke to cut the grass later. I told him I would switch my schedule so I could go out and talk to the campground owners with he and Blake (long story I will share another time) and he said he would call them this morning as well and let me know what they said. he did call around 10:00 Am to let me know they too were not mad about the whole thing and knew we would make sure nothing like that happened again and other teenagers were more at fault and known to be the trouble makers.....
I finished getting ready for work and went in a bit early to do my paperwork and he called to see what I wanted for dinner since it was going to be so hot we should just go back to the camper that night and I said fine you decide dinner and we'll meet up at the camper this was around 11:40 AM so I knew he would be heading to lunch soon. he called home to talk to Balke but he was still sleeping (teenagers!) and Hannah did not know it was Mark until she heard his voice so she called me to say daddy called but I did'nt get the phone and I said that's alright I talked to daddy he just wants us to go to the camper tonight cause it's soo hot! she was screaming yeahh camper camper camper.....
Blake called me a bit later and said dad called and I said yeah I know but I'm busy call you later alright... what he did not know was I already got the call from Mark's work he had a heart attack and was on his way to the hosptial and I was on my way as well. we also discovered Blake was talking to MArk on his cell phone when he collapsed! Balke figured it out by looking at the times on the cell phones.... I got the call around 1:25 PM and all they said was he was defibrilated, had a pulse being stabelized and then transported to AGH.. so I asked was he consious , awake talking??? he said I do not know are you alright.. NO I'm not... they were going to send someone to the house to sit with the kids and come get me from work.... I said NO I'll call family and friends, I was worried the kids would get scared with an Alcosan employee there and start to wonder... and I did not know how long it would take for them to get to me...
I called my father in law and finally got a hold of him and told him Mark had a heart attack and John (our good friend) would be picking me up then him. on the way to the hospital I called back at Mark's work and they still had not left for the hospital, time at that point was a blurr....I know they do not move a patient that is unstable... the hospital said they had a cardiac arriving in one minute.... I just prayed he would be alright and in ICU or the cath lab or OR being fixed..... when I got there... my stomache was in knots and when I walked in I saw so many co-workers sweating and tears in their eys and I said they know somehting more than I do..... they showed us to a room.. never a good sign... and then the doctor came in and said what kind of history does he have ... and I was thinking alright he is getting worked on and they need information.. so I said what medicines he was on and he had high blood pressure gout from time to time smoker, drinker, chewed snuff... but was active.... she said alright well I'm sorry but they did everything they could.................in the field and here...........and I was thinking this is not what she is saying NO she did not say he died,,,, he is 43 years old with 2 kids.....
I cried and the co-workers came over to say they were sorry...John our good friend was broken up and my father in law was in shock.. he said can you give her something... I said NO I took my ativan earlier... I do not want anything.....they said I could go in now and see him... I felt my legs go heavy and weak and the few feet walk felt like miles I walked in unpreparred for what I saw (GRAFFIC.......WARNING) they could have told me he was in the shape he was in purple still with a tube in his mouth..... I walked up to him and just could not believe it seeing him was not real this was not him just this morning this was not him.... I cried and got so scared the fear set in I now had to go home and tell the kids that daddy was gone. how am I going to tell them.....?
I sat there for a bit looking at him crying and in disbelief thinking alright I get it getting our 'affairs' in order is never to early so jokes over lets go home.....get up and breathe !!!! I wanted to look into his eyes and see the bluest eyes again but I knew they would be dim and not blue.. his coloring was horrible and I was not at all preparred so I asked the doctor why and she said lack of oxygen from being down to long...he did not suffer and would be having an autopsy due to passing away at work and so young. so I was asked a few questions and the minister came down from the hospital and I went to touch his foot and felt his shoes still on so I touched his one arm and hand and it was not him it was jut not him. I wanted to kiss him but that damn tube in his mouth! I had to leave as much as I wanted to just stay and hope he would just get up his coloring and the reality of him being gone was overwhelming it was time to go home to tell the kids.
before leaving his boss_(co-worker) colleague..)came in and she too was in shock.. I stopped to thank those who were still there for there support and helping Mark and staying with him.... then we left for home. on our way my father called to say he was taking the kids to dinner so they would be back when we got home, when we did get home they were just pulling in and Blake ran up to unlock the door and I grabbed his hand and sais Blake I need to talk to you and hannah..... Blkae started to look around and see John and Julie, his pappy-Mark's dad, my dad and his wife Fran...)he said what's wrong mom....and Hannah Blkae and I sat on the porch step and everyone gathered around us and I said through tears, I had a phone call at work today and daddy had a heart attack and did not make it daddy died. Blake started to cry and Hannah said my daddy's in heaven and walked away to the swing set..... at that moment I was angry.... angry I had to tell them daddy died angry Mark would not be home again... angry and feeling alone...we cried for hours and I strarted to make the phone calls.....
how much this made me remember when my mom died... then I was angry again he was too young.. take someone who has lived their life... he has two kids to see graduate... two weddings... two collage graduations and maybe grandkids..... and we were going to travel and retire.... NO I want him back..... anything... please wake me up please tell me this was a nightmare... then the next day after the arrangements were made and the pastor was coming in to go over the service I was having a dejevu's feeling like I did dream this it is all a bad dream I remmeber waking several months ago from a dream crying heart pounding and the same people were there wearing the same things... NO this is just a dream.. wake up and I pinched myself till I thought I would bleed..... but there they were coming in with food, cards, offering sympathey what can I do to help.. TURN the clock back!!!!!let him tell me he is alright I need to hear him...
the kids and I keep calling his work number to hear his voice and when i told his 'boss' that she said we know.. his phone stopped ringing once word got out he had passed and the only time it rang was early morning (me) or nights (the kids).. they are going to save that so we will always have his voice.. I think for Hannah it will be very important... we still have so much to do and this road has just begun......one day at a time... I feel him near and he leaves signs....he is watching over us....
Mark was an organ donor so many of his organs went on, skin, bones... to ehlp others to live. some of his brain tissues went to help research altheimers disease, he was young and had a healthy neurological brian (no problems or medications) so they wanted to stdy the brain tissue and I am for research....
Mark did not look like Mark in the casket... then again they never really do... but I will take all the good times and fun times and special times while he was alive and all the stories of his work I was told over the past several days and let them be my memories of life.
Mark, I always loved you and always will, thank you for the memories and our two beautiful children who live on because of you.....may your strenght be with me always and lead me to the right decisions as well as with our kids. I shall take peace knowing you did not suffer and you went as you wanted quick and pain free. God Speed
Thank you for your prayers and well wishes in this most difficult journey my family is now on. I know through Hannah's leukemia journey we had bumps and we made it through one day at a time so I take strenght knowing one day at a time is all we can do. his work has set up a memorial fund for the kids:
the Mark Hannum Memorial fund for the care and education of his children C/O PNC Bank, 6 PPG place, Pittburgh, PA 15222 Attention: Karen Donnelly
I also had in lue of flowers and food donations can be made to Hannah's light the night walk on her web site or sent directly to the lekemia and lymphoma society C/O Hannah's Helping Heroes, River Walk Corporate Center, Suite 441, 333 E. Carson St. Pittsburgh, PA 15219
Love, Holly
Prayers to those fighting , newly diagnosed, in remission, recovering or having a BMT and those families who now have an angel in heaven.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006 9:14 AM CDT Well I have my hearing still!!! Ozzfest was not as bas as I thought it would be... drunks..yes, piles of puke....yes, price of tickets 240.00 price of food around 50.00+ (bottles of water were 4.00!!!)price of parking 35.00 not knowing what to bring thinking one could go back to the car..NOT! price of sons face when being at concert for less than 5 minutes and seeing 'nakes woman' painted like she was 'dressed'... pricelss.. price of my face when I saw same thing and then saw sons face... priceless and mortified!!!.. I guess I knew there would be some nudity but never did I expect or think they were painting girls 'top halves' and letting them walk around that way.... and yes it was HOT HOT HOT and humid!! so the paint on some did not last that long...and yet they never got dressed...in a word.. GROSS!! I told Blake he would never have to worry about me running around like that ever at a concert.. some of those gals were wayy too old.. (sorry..) and top halves way too large (again sorry) for doing that and walking around in PUBLIC..! I am not a 'snob' and if those gals are proud of their bodies no matter what shape or size good for them.. however leave it to a place more appropriate.. like a nude beach!
Blake is doing his best to convince me to go back next year... I said it is doubtfull....even if Ozzy headlines as he promised ... I am not at all into the other head banging metal bands. not my kind of music.. I like music you can listen to the words and understand not screaming obscene things into the mike with the bass soo high the whole town vibrates and feels like your chest and stomach are going to beat right out of your mouth....and yes Ozzy has some of those type of songs.. but his set this year was of some older and newer songs and all was understandable and he was not even drunk or high.. so he claims.. but at the last Ozzfest I was at (worked the food booth for a boy fighting NB) Ozzy did fewer songs and it was soo loud and he was definatly messed up on something... this time it was most enjoyable.... yes I know I am a mother who likes some Ozzy,, go figure! I think I got into Ozzy more since Blake took an interest and that helps us get a bit closer and gave us something in common while Hannah was going through her treatment and after. I like his down to earth CD and Crazy train well.. that song could be my theme song.. going off the rails like a crazy train.. at times I do feel that way!!! LOL!
Hannah has some doctors appointments coming up .. August 2 is a long day at the allergist for testing and August 16th (our 15th wedding annaversary..) she has her pre-op testing for her tonsilectomy.. when the surgery is scheduled I will post and I will be asking for prayers for that day and the weeks to follow making sure she does well and does not have complications nor bleeds at all during or after and heals fast with minimal pain!! I am still second guessing the decision but I think it is a, I know this needs done and better now than later and keeping her from more infections and pain by taking them out and while she is young....the benifits are leading ....as any surgery there are risks... I do trust this doctor and he kept putting it off and seeing how many infections she has had and the antibiotics she has troubles with...the next step is to remove them...>sigh<... I will have many questions before the surgery at her pre-op appointment....so nothjing is in 'stone' just yet... all her doctors have been informed and all agree it is time. the timing of the surgery stinks since the pre-ops are done about 1 motnh before scheduling surgery so she will be back in school then!
BIG NEWS!!!! should have started with this huh.....? Hannah made it to a full two and a half years in remission with no complications!!!! Friday July 21, 2006 she reached 2 1/2 years in complete remission!! whooHooo! WAY TO GO HANNAH JANE!! the day is a blurr and the date never hit me do to being back to 'normal' and busy days.... then when I saw the day had passed and I realized what that day was I was in shock.. over 2 1/2 years she is half way there..... her Doctors said if a relaps is going to happen it usually happens by now and those who relaps are prone to relapsing. Hannah has gone 2 1/2 years and she can and will keep going more than another 2 1/2 years!!! so far no side effects from chemo or her Mosaic down syndrome! PTL!!! many prayers have been answered here!! and are still being answered. so in Hannah news nothing spectacular and with Blake only new thing with him is he is still growing!! he is just shy of six foot tall and his shoes are a whopping size 15!!! as for the homefront.. still about the same cold temps inside with the heat blaring outside.... as for work.. well I'll update that another time.. after Agust more than likely I will be able to update in more detail of work! we are heading out of town this Friday-Monday for a camping biking hiking canoe trip.. and oh yeah... don't forget the bug bites!! YUK!! ~Holly~
praying all are having a wonderful summer with no medical complications. Pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatments, having a BMT and healing from one, and those families who now have an angel in heaven. ~God speed~
Tuesday, July 18, 2006 0:35 AM CDT Hello, Well Hannah went to camp!! she LOVED it! in fact she loved it and the kids loved her so much they talked her and her dad into letting her stay over Thursday evening for the dance and over night!! guess what... SHE stayed ALL NIGHT!! no phone calls of MOM come get me.. every night she was so exhausted she would crash out on the way home and in bed sound asleep and stayed in her bed all night!! I think we have turned another milestone!!
I need computer lessons really bad.... I was looking up Ozzfest tickets to try and prove to my son they would be very expencive or no seats available and he could wait a few more years to go.. since I worked Ozzfest year before last for Carter (little boy Hannah's age with neuroblastoma) to help raise money for his expences all I saw were drunk adults (some kids yes.. ) passing out from the heat and dehydration of drinking alcohol all day and not eating and dodging piles of puke.. YUK!! so I felt he could wait a few more years to 'experience this' type of concert. HMM in comes the stupid me part on looking up tickets....
I found several (shocked) since it is later today! he was pleading with me.. MOM I promise I'll do everything and pay you back forever... YEAH up until we get in the car on the way home then all bets are off... been there... done that... got the T-shirt! so I told him I had to work and even if I could switch who will watch Hannah cause there is NO way she is going near there! so I was trying to get out and go back to search more tickets just to see all what they had and I got this Thank you for your order screen!! WHAT?? no really WHAT the @%&*!!!!!! how? when? who? geese FINAL no returns exchanges all sales final... sales final.. SALES FINAL..... so even pleading with the 800# operator... it was futile.. WE are stuck with GULP 240.00 tickest for two no parking pass either!! so Blake is in heaven a teenage boys dream of rockNroll today of seeing Ozzy himself perform and a few of the other bands he listens to... so I layed HEAVY ground rules... NO MOSH PIT WHAT SO EVER!! nadda! we are taking a cooler full of WATER and snacks and a NAP will happen!! I only want to see Ozzy and if it is too loud and too hot or too pushing shoving I am leaving and so is he! I am not staying the WHOLE day and I do not care as soon as Ozzy is done (he is on early in the afternoon) we are gone!! we will get there early enough to walk around and see the sights before they get 'too ugly' or too sloppy' and then find our seats and if they prove to betoo loud dom to the cranked up bass and woofer speakers I cannot listen to it that close so My seat will be useless and I may find a taker for my seat.... ?
I will continue this later after Ozzfest hopefully Blake and I will be in one piece unscathed and not too much sun or heat?? it is to rain later in the day and if it does I hope it is not torential downpours thunder lightning and then humid!! guess this is mother son bonding...??? he is more than happy I am moretified I hit the wrong freaking button and could not stop it!! darn fast speed computers and memory!! wish me luck.. and lots of tylenol tomorrow.. maybe I'll start now??
PLease pray and keep those in mind who are newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT and healing from one, those who have relapsed and are starting over. and most of all those families who have an angel in heaven. please also say prayers for my nephew Jack, he is in the Marines and will be deployed to Iraq anytime from August-February.. he will be deployed not sure of the date just yet. pray for all those fighting a war be it at home with cancer or on the battlefield fighting for freedom. God Speed. ~Holly~
Thursday, July 6, 2006 7:57 AM CDT **July 3-10 Childhood cancer awareness week in Beaver County!!**
Hello, *******NEW PICTURE IN PHOTO SECTION*******
Hannah is going to day camp July 10-14th!! next year she will be able to stay overnight for the week, this year since she has not made it a full night at a sleepover I felt it best for her to do just the day camp. I will be working daylight that week and Blake will be at 'science camp' at Mark's work and that left Hannah in need of a baby sitter or?? and the camp she is going to is the oncology camp. her camp fell the week Blake was not going to be home and that was perfect!
The fourth of July was a fun one, we went to see fireworks Sunday and then Tuesday went on a bike ride between rain drops then a cookout at my neices house. Blake went to Midlands large fourth celebration and had fun with his friends from the campground. Hannah's new appoitnments for her allergy testing and pre-op testing for her tonsils are August 2, and 16th. I was really hoping to get in earlier, like JULY!! however Dr's need vacations too! Hannah and I both seem to swell from a masquito bite and or spider or horsefly bite....Hannah has these large lumps on her head and they itch... they love her even with bug spray on. last year after getting back form a camping trip she had been bitten by at first I thought a bee but she never cried like one does when a bee stings so we knew it had to be a spider, by the time we got back to camp and set everything back up she had her whole wrist , arm and up on her neck large round lumps that were sore, hot and painful as well as itchy.. I was worried that this was more than a spider bite/allergic reaction... I was thinking relaps or another type of cancer has hit.. thankfully it was not a relaps or another type of cancer!
she had a spider bite and was reacting to it in Hannah style....LARGE....and they felt it may be going into an infection so they started her on antibiotics and within a week she was feeling better and the swelling was going down. I think that is why every bite she gets and it swells I worry! will it be an infection, allergic reaction or both??? another reason I am not nature friendly and 'outdoorsy'.... I'll go and be in nature and do things like bike ride, walk etc.. I avoid the sun and use major amounts of sun 'grease'/screen but when the bugs bite, the sun burns and the weather gets hot hot hot... I like inside just fine!! well I need to get ready for work...UGH! mid shifts I do not mind.. not long, yes one has more work to do on that shift for the night crew but I get done and home by 5!! one day I will have enough time to head over to the college and have my interview, take my tests and finish my registration process!! have a great summer!! ~Holly~
Please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in remission, have relapsed, having a BMT or recovering from one, and those families who now have an angel in heaven. God speed.
Thursday, June 29, 2006 9:23 PM CDT Hello and Happy 4th of July (soon!) I am updating now since I am awake and have some...time! I have been working, working and WORKING! one day off in nearly 2 weeks and pulling nearly 50 hour work week!! Hannah looked beautiful in my neices wedding..NOTE TO SELF>>>>take out all mirrors in house and Hannah's room before school starts in fall...she will never be ready to go if a mirror is around!! what a DIVA!!! I will add pictures from the wedding. Blake passed to the 9th grade Whoohooo! he said hey mom I actually studied for the finals..LOL! now I need to make Hannah an ENT appointment to schedule her pre op testing for her tonsils (I am still having those maybe we should wait thoughts...?) then re schedule her allergy testing before her pre op!! time I need more time!! or a clone/robot....maid..etc...
I'll make this short since I am about ready to fall asleep typing. Hannah is going to day camp this year, I was going to let her try the week long over night camp however she does not do well on sleepovers yet. so day camp this year week long overnight next year. this will be her first time attending, last year she was too young so we just went to the picnic. this year she will get a quick physical from Dr. Shaw her oncologist right after the picnic so she will be ready for camp. I am hoping to see Dr. Shaw's new daughter!! we met his wife and kids last year at the picnic so I am hoping to see them all again this year??
Well I am very upset with who else bu Mark once again ......he emialed Dr. Shaw letting about a trip he planned that involved canoeing, tubing, and swimming, biking and camping.. without informing me in the email he made me out to be some overprotective needs a mental hospital mother.......then adding I don;t mean to put you in the middle but it is my understanding Hannah is well and has an immune system at normal functioning levels once again.. so please let Holly know Hannah is abloe to do this with superviosn, sun block and life jacket!! HELLO>>>>>>what the ****! I learned about this via Dr. Shaw's responce to ME? Mark asked him to attach a responce to me letting me know Hannah was able to camp, fish, swim, tube, canoe, and whatever with good sunblock and safty guidlines! Mark thinks by doing this behind my back getting her Dr.'s permission I would be more apt to go..NOT I am more apt to NOT go now more than ever.. when he mentioned the trip I said take Blake have a blast....sounds like a father son thing anyway..
Hannah is just learning how to swim and gathering the info on the trip is a drop off float and hike back... I am not a health nut nor do I care for being in nature too much (avoid sun, don;t swim..hate bugs and allergic to many... as well as avoiding poison ivy...)I never wanted to go in the begining.. now this behind the back make me look like the 'heavy' and involve her Dr.!! POMPUS ASS IS right Suzanne!! I am standing my ground with NO he said he would pack up the kids and go alone and this used to work to get me to go knowing I would be right there with the kids. now I am enjoying my alone at home while they are at the camper at nights....so he may just be going without me! and Hannah.. I am not trying to punish her or not let her have fun but I know what fun she would not be having while on that trip...and she gets more sun burns while Mark is watching her so a long 3 mile + float on innertubes and canoeing, biking, hiking, swimming and camping she will be a lobster when she returns.. she can wait a few more years before heading on this type of adventure!
alright so much for the short version!! I am going to upload some wedding pics.. or try to... and head to bed while it is quiet! have a great summer and avoid the bugs, poison ivy, skeeters, sunburn, anything medical besides a simple bandaide from a scraped knee learning how to ride on two wheels ..(Hananh is learning this..) may your summer be filled with happiness, memories in the making and medically UNeventfull!
Pray for those newly diagnosed, in treatments, in remission, having a BMT or recovering from one and those families who now have an angel in heaven. ^rip^ ~Holly~
Thursday, June 8, 2006 12:33 AM CDT My Daughter, My Hero
My Daughter My hero the srenght you have shown. You have taught me how to be strong and carry through, as I sat and watched each day life to be learned anew.
The day we were told those words no parent ever wants to hear, it's caner. The tears if only they could heal.
Your so young, bareley three when the treatments begun. You're now clear and cancer free.
Once again you can be happy and free, doing what any four year old should please.
School fills your days and play your nights, as we go and raise awareness about this beast once deep inside.
I watched your hair fall out strand by strand, you laughed and said '"now I look like my dad". Many things you have learned along the way, flushing your lines and counting the medicines you took each day.
The future is bright my princess baby girl, reach high, do your best and you shall have the world.
My Daughter My Hero, what life you have lived. We should all learn from this lesson and that I did. I love you more, Most and always, your mommy, forever my daughter, my hero.
Author: Holly N. Hannum
^0^ REST IN PEACE AMAZING JACOB ^0^
6/11/06 Amazing Jacob's site is exlpoding more than ever tonight with many stopping by to give sympathy to one Amazing boy who gained his wings last night. any caringbridger family or faithful visitor of caringbridge sites knows exactly who Amazing Jacob was. I was deeply sad knowing he was awarded the courageous kids cancer award this past October, he truly was the definition of courageous. heaven gained an angel last night, those who knew him knew they HAD an angel here on earth, that angel was Amazing Jacob Duckworth! fly FREE Jacob!! to the Duckworth family, my deepest sympathy.
*******NEW PICTURES******* NEW PICTURES ******NEW PICTURES*
Hello, Welcome Summer.. School is out!! Hannah is officially a Kindergarten graduate and a first grader this fall!! congadulations Hannah!! another fabulous milestone you have accomplished.. I found out some wonderful news last night.... NO I am not having a baby!! LOL!! through the wonderful help (actually he did all the work!!) Steven Firestein he was able to get the ball rolling for a proclamation, even though I was made aware last minute ( I knew Steven was going to do this but I was at work when the commissioner called me and unable to get back to him until this morning when thet wanted us there!! ) that the proclamation went through and they wanted Hannah and I to be there a to accept!! the proclamation you're wondering about is the week of July 3-10 is now CHILDHOOD cANCER AWARENESS WEEK in Beaver County!! such a great step in the awareness front!!! I cannot take credit here... it is all because of Hannah and the wonderful gentleman named Steven who made this possible!!! Thank you again Steven!!
Now that is what I call great news!! Hannah was excited to be there and have attention as well as pass out her angel pins. they gave her a pencil, pin and a stuffed animal, a beaver. I won't say what was said while the pictures where being taken however let's just say we live in BEAVER county and they had trouble with the one picture cause her beaver was not seen!!!! I know should not have even gone there.. I can tell you this much the face of the person who said that was beet red and many had to clench their jaws to not laugh!!! I can safely say that was not "politicaly correct' to laugh at or think that but mind you Beaver county has had it's share of 'beaver jokes' especially when they had a comedy club in the local resteraunt many years ago. take a lok at the [pictures and I will update again after the wedding on June 24.
Hannah's Doctors are all in agreement on her tonsils.. get them out and be done with it, so when my schedule ferees up and we have the wedding and her allergy testing behind us as well as all the vacations have been taken for those at work then we can schedule her pre op testing and surgery when those are completed. for now just busy keeping the house clean and baking cookies for the wedding. Oh yeah and working!! I am applying for nursing school in the fall?? wish me luck and a finacial answer to pay for this!!!
Please pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatment and having a BMT or recovering from one also keep those in prayer who now have an angel in heaven. God Speed, ~Holly~
Friday, June 2, 2006 11:15 PM CDT Hello to all the faithful Hannah followers..... some news on all of Hannah's latest appointments Oncology Wednesday May 24th... all counts are GREAT!!! PLT!!! she is doing overall just wonderful! her pediatricians appointment was the week before her oncology so I am glad to have them all close together (too bad the ones in Pittsburgh could not be done on the same day!) then we go to her ENT May 30, looks like the majority rules ....tonsils will be coming out this summer, unless I chicken out of her having another surgery and wait and see how this fall and winter go with her in school all day? then we go to her allergists May 31 (yes that is THREE Pittsburgh appointments on three differents days in less than a week!) had she not had her claritin the day before he would have tested her right there .. glad in a way..
we rescheduled so more testing can be done to see just what she is allergic to and just how allergic. stay away from, avoid at all cost, severely or call 911 NOW! most of it is seasonal however this year so far she has had more runny nose, sneezing and stuffiness (adenoids may help once they are removed..)as well as drainage and this does not help her throat out... I want the allergy testing done before the tonsils come out so we can see just how the two work together or against her with the allergies and tonsils and together they both agitate her. she is also upset over the allergy testing. last time she had the 'sratch test' this time they are doing the under the skin bubble testing for a more acurate result and she is older so it should take. last year she was 'too young' for much testing so this time around it will be done thouroughly.
I had to cancel our trip to DC for the gold ribbon days cancer awareness conference, with my work schedule and all vacations and lack of staff I will be needed. next year no matter where I am or what is going on we WILL be there! Hannah is going to try going to day camp for oncology patients ones on or off treatments. since she has not had a successful sleepover and I end up going to get her in the middle of the night, day camp willbe better for her and she will have fun and meet new kids around her age. June 16th we will be going to a golf outing for the remax realestates Children's Miracle Networks fundraiser. Hannah loved the fashion show for the Angel's R Us and I sent over a poem I had written in my journal just after she started preschool and was in remission:
My Daughter, My Hero
My Daughter My hero the srenght you have shown. You have taught me how to be strong and carry through, as I sat and watched each day life to be learned anew.
The day we were told those words no parent ever wants to hear, it's caner. The tears if only they could heal.
Your so young, bareley three when the treatments begun. You're now clear and cancer free.
Once again you can be happy and free, doing what any four year old should please.
School fills your days and play your nights, as we go and raise awareness about this beast once deep inside.
I watched your hair fall out strand by strand, you laughed and said '"now I look like my dad". Many things you have learned along the way, flushing your lines and counting the medicines you took each day.
The future is bright my princess baby girl, reach high, do your best and you shall have the world.
My Daughter My Hero, what life you have lived. We should all learn from this lesson and that I did. I love you more, Most and always, your mommy, forever my daughter, my hero.
Author: Holly N. Hannum
I guess I should have added a 'tissue allert'...... that came from the heart and looking back on how her years spent from just before she turned three up until now she has many missed childhood memories and things she should have been doing instead she learned to count medicines along with her numbers... to her that was normal.
Prayers to those newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatments, having or recovering from a BMT, and those families who now have an angel in heaven. please keep thoughts and prayers going for the many caringbridgers we follow who are not doing well rght now and those who have been told bad news of new tumor/disease growth or the need for hospice. God Speed. ~Holly~
Wednesday, May 17, 2006 9:41 PM CDT ***NEW PHOTO"S ADDED!!!***
YIKES!! Alright Suzanne, here is my wayy past due update!!! thanks for letting me know how long it has been since I came here to keep all those faithful Hannah followers. First off Happy Belated Mothers day!!! I had a nice poem/story to add and due to my lack of updates I lost it. on the home front, things are so-so, as for Hannah she is doing very well aside from those darn allergies.
lets see.. we had a shower for my neice and that went nicely, Hannah had a ball eating her "chicken on the bone" aka drum sticks, chicken, legs etc.. she is a very good eater in all the food groups and keeps telling me mommy your need to eat healthy food... yah I know however I need to get rid of some of this 'junk food' I keep buying... hence the weight gain from me UGH! Curves this fall or else! Hannah had the final fitting of her flower girl dress and she needed nothing done! whoohoo, no alteration charges!! you can see the length has shortened some due to her growth spirt.. must be all that healthy food she eats! she is now just an inch shy of 4 foot tall and weighs 47# so she is a bean pole! good thing she will have the tall genes and not the short and fat ones!!
Blake went to his first semi formal dance.. (tears sniffle sniffle...my baby boy is growing up!) I will post pictures (don't tell Blake!LOL!) he does not know I have the second set of prints!! he took a friend who is a girl...not a girlfriend... he made that very clear! she is a very nice girl and her mom and I were pregnant around the same time and she (Blake's date) is older than he is by a few months or was it weeks??? who can remember 14 years ago...
Hannah and I were asked to speak at a large golf outing for Remax who is a large supporter of the children's miricle network, June 16 so looks like we're back on the speaking circut. her fashion show for the angels-r-us and Beaver County cancer society is this weekend. she is excited about it more so the dressing up and changing outfits. she will be the youngest survivor so they are doing a candle lighting walk for all survivors at the end and she will lead them with a battery operated candle all others will have real ones. she is also doing the relay for life again June 10-11 I just hope it is not scorching hot like last year! nor raining like years before.. happy medium.
school is nearly over just another 16 days so a little over 2 weeks and summer vacation will be here. and Hannah will graduate Kindergarten. WOW! what a milestone, here she is nearing 2 years 4 months remission and graduating Kindergarten!! first grade and all day school in the fall!! my baby girl is growing up... (sniffle sniffle tears...) it is all good! I see how independant she is and while I'm at work I sometimes catch myself and think back to whatever time of the day it is and remember what we were doing when she was in the hospital or home with treatments... then I get a phone call from her, MOM Blakely hit me, or Mom can I have a peice of hard candy... NO hard candy unless an adult is there with you (in case of choking).. she then calls back with I had 2 peices and did not choke mom I'm a big girl...(heart attack faint and urge to scream...) needless to say the hard candy 'mysteriously" disappeared later that night??
She is now INSISTING on doing her own hair... I have tried everything from well that looks nice Hannah can mommy smooth it out..NO! alright how about Mommy helping to put the barrettes in straight..NO... so some days she goes to school with KID hair... and proud! I just sit back and wait for her to ask mommy can you help me... I did offened her last week when I tightened her pony tail and she was so mad she ended up crying and saying how I made it look ugly....! so she stormed into the bathroom and took it out then cried she needed help since I messed it up and her bus was due any minute! so when it comes to clothes and hair she needs little help same for washing it! I dare not even think about helping her wash or add the amount of shampoo to her hair! she knows the standars on the clothing... if you raise your arms and I see belly button it does not get worn out in public!
work is going alright. besides everyone complaining and spring/summer fever is in full swing and vacations are starting at the end of the month and I still have a job.... can't complain. Wendy the weiner dog is fine as well, besides a bazzarr case of chasing her back side and tail for a few days?? I think she got a bug bite that had her stir crazy every time she got comfy it would flare up and she would jump up and run in cirlcles or try biting either side of her back then lay down and look worried like soemthing was still there getting her. I called the vet thinking OMG worms! YUK!! but her stool was fine and there is no signs of scooting butt syndrome or little gross things hanging when she does her business out side... she does seem much better now.
lets see... talked about Blake's dance, Tina's bridal shower, the home front or arctic freeze, the dog... Hannah's checkup (growth sprit) that went well and now we go May 24th to see her oncologist (last time this year!!) then on the 30th for her ENT to further talk about her tonsils and her allergist on the 31. can we not get the same day for all these Doctors?? we now have to drive to Pittsburgh 3 times!! Hannah has developed another allergy to another antibiotic! YIKES! of all the things she had to get from me and my side.. allergies!! this med was to be one no known allergic reaction happens... welp guess what.. she did!
we are not totally convinced this was a true allergic reaction to the medicine. a few days before she finished the med (clyndomycin) she rolled down a grassy hill at my cousins house and he has his lawn treated chemically and that was just done a few days before.. so she may have been reacting to the grass AND the chemicals on the grass. she was on her last day of medicine when this rash appeared so I took her into the pediatricians and she said it was a hard call but with her being on her last day they were tasking no chances since this looked simalar to the "red mans" she got while on vancomycin in the hospital even on day 10 they stopped it. she also said that was another reason to have the tonsils out so if she continues to have allergies to medicines this would be one less re occuring infection to worry about or medicine to figure out for her. most meds that do the best job for fighting infections she (like me) is allergic to!
we will be talking to the allergist about maybe premedicating with benadril (but she takes claritin once daily for allergies) or having her tolerance built back up to where she can take the meds again. she may still need to do a sleep study before getting her tonsils out. if they do have to come out I am leaning towards late July early August so she can have her summer and recover before school starts. well I am rambeling. I will update the pictures when I am not tired and it is not so late!! I will be talking to Hannah's schoo tomorrow for career day (yippee.. you too can make pretzels! ok sarcastic.. I know...) Hannah is soo excited and talked non stop for days.. I will be taking in samples, coupons and a few other see and touch props even a small ball of dough so I can show them how we make the pretzels. the guidance councelor called telling me how excited the kids were.. HMM yeah until they see my short here is how to make a pretzel kids.. (I now enough sarcazm...) I am sure they will like it, I hope no one eats the raw dough.. I can hear it now.. :phone ring ring: Um Hello> MY son/Daughter Ate the raw dough and is sick!.... I think I'll stick to I touch the dough YOU all can watch me!
Pray for those newly diagnosed, In remission, in treatments, having a BMT, recovering from a BMT, and those families who have precious angels in heaven now.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006 11:48 AM CDT Hello, YES that IS a new picture!! how about that and an update that does not go missing and a new photo! Hannah is doing much better from her bout of strep throat. she was really miserable over the weekend and of course it happened late Saturday when no doctors were in so we waited it out painfully for her (poor thing) and Monday AM got her right in and it was Strep! her Doctor talked about her large tonsils and getting them out... I said we see and ENT at Children's and he is doing the wait and see as well as I think he is being very causious with Hannah since she had leukemia and has trisome 21 mosaic down syndrome. a tonsilectomy although advances have come far since I had mine out nearly 20 years ago at age 21... (yeah that makes me 37....) it is still a "bloody" surgery and with her needing [platelets and blood before during and just once after treatment I know her ENT is taking this all into consideration.
I now have had 3 of her pediatricians and her Oncologist as well as those who peek into see just how large they are.. tell me they are LARGE... she does fall under what they say will determine if they need to come out like snoring... allergies, sinus infections and sinus issues, large tonsils and 4 or more throat infections a year. this is her first strep infection however she gets tonsilitis, croup, and other throat infections and viruses making her throat swollen and sore and when this happens her tonsils get bigger and cause her to snore even more. I hate seeing her in such pain when they hit yet I am like her ENT taking it all in and holding the surgery off.. looking at our schedule end of July mid August would be best since she will not have school and have most of her summer and before she goes back to school and this will help keep her from many infections kids get through school like strep!!
She sees her regular ped for a checkup in another week or so then we see her oncologist, I will talk with both of them at length to see there opinion on having them out then call her ENT to let him know about her recent Strep infection and how much pain she was in and how swollen her tonsils were. her pediatrician who treated her strep said to keep watching her since they were so large and he noticed she was doing mouth breathing and her tonsils left little room in the back of her throat being so swollen. made me nervous!! I kept checking on her when she slept but she breathed loudly! snoring and open mouthed , no wonder her throat was so sore.
Hannah received an intersting piece of mail, I am sure every girl aged 4-20 living in all 50 states got the same thing... the national american miss pagent.. I am passing on this one. she is already obsessed with wearing dresses, skirts and skorts she prefers dresses but will wear the skorts and skirts if that is all she has to wear.. OH the shop-o-holic in her is bad! LOL! later like when she is nearing her twenties if she chooses to do this then fine, now NO. we will stick to commercials and support the blood bank, Children's hospital, leukemia society and cancer societies. she is a child and I want her to have a childhood doing all she can and be a child as long as she can be. Lord knows she is more grown up with all she went through and how she handled it she needs to be a child now.
Hannah is very excited this weekend is the big bridal shower for my neice. Hannah will be in the wedding and I found a dress (not even looking I swear!) found it a Target for less than 8 dollars!! what a bargain!! so she has some minor duties this weekend and all she can talk about is the dress! I promise PICTURES will follow. I will post more when I know what all her doctors decide together in her best interest for her tonsils. for now back to reality... even on days of laundry and keeping up with housework oh yeah.. shopping and paying bills... gee I miss all that routine...NOT! still do it and work just keeping it together and flowing without forgetting to do things like Pick up milk....put the bills in the mail when due or remembering to get ones in my purse out and payed while at the store!!
best forgetfull moment yet... I lost one of the house phones for a few hours... I was talking on it and took Hannah out to the bus... I came in got ready for work and always double check things like are the phones in the right chargers charging.... then I discovered my one phone was missing...HMMM not a problem I will hit the locator button and listen for it to beep.... nothing.. not anywhere in the house. maybe a left it in my coat again.. NOPE, in the couch, no. did it drop off the washing machine again? NO. UGH! where is that phone..... maybe it's battery is dead and that's why it is not beeping... OH well I'll just find it later... as I headed out to my car while in the driveway I heard this faint beeping sound. (it beeps until you hit the found it button...) so I listen and think did I drop it in the yard taking Hannah to the bus.. so I go to the front and hear it louder now.... as I get closer to the road I hear the beeping but can't see it.... I was just about ready to admit myself to the looney bin thinking I am hearing things and obsessing over the freaking phone then I see the mailman heading down so I figured I will just hop over to the mailbox and pick up the mail. well I was stunned to hear the beeping was coming from INSIDE my mailbox!! I had set the phone down in there after getting the day before mail out and juggeling the news paper I set it inside and either Hannah or I shut it not thinking so that's where it was! LOL! talk about absent minded.
well things are not getting done while I sit here and type, I can't figure out why things don't just wash fold and put themselves away lord knows I ask but even the laundry does not listen to me it goes out and gets all dirty throws itself all over the house then expects me to clean it and put it away! HMM must be invisable bodies living here... since they are rarely scene yet leave messes all over and never clean up after themsleves either...off to clean, switch laundry and go get the shower gift I forgot to pick up! YIKES nothing like waiting until the last minute huh!! OH yeah I am supposed to dig out Hannah's room and make room for her new toys and things she got from her birthday... I need a new house TY are you listening?? sending in my form will wait by the phone to hear from you!
Please keep those in prayer newly diagnosed, in treatment, in remission having a BMT and healing from one. and those families who now have an angel in heaven. God speed ~Holly~
Monday, April 10, 2006 8:44 PM CDT Hello, Sorry been so long between updates! between working, exhaustion, planning Hannaha's birthday party and getting ready for Easter and the trip to DC over Eater add one lerking 'hacker' who has been gone thankfully......and I hope never returns! I also have been behind in getting to web sites and I have several who I need to contact yet letting them know I nominated their child for a hero award.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH JANE HANNUM!!!
whohoooo!!! the big 6 on April 11!! you grow girl..... 2 years, 2 and a half months in remission baby!! how she has grown since diagnosis March 27th 2003. we have been blessed and my cup is overflowing. I could go into detail about her birth and labor but that is history... she is here today, healthy and doing 'normal' 6 year old things like going to Kindergarten, playing outside, going shopping, getting her ears pierced....milestones not found in her baby book.
Hannah had a very nice party, two to be exact... one from 2-4 for her friends from school and then the 6-? for the family and other friends.... SUE I am sorry for getting my emails crossed... found out later Hannah closed out of the email I thought I sent!! Mark and Blake were not at either... let's just say they had a bar thing to do.... we plan on going to dinner tomorrow (her choice.. please no McDonalds, Burger King, or other fast 'kid friendly' food place that ends you on the toilet after!!) I waited until Hannah went to swimming lessons to decorate so she would walk in when she retruned home and darn if I forgot to take the picture!! even forgot to charge the CD/DVD recorder... (good job MOM! not!) so if the memory never fades i will always remember that look and her saying (before the party even started..) this is the bestest birthday party you gave me ever mommy! the theme was Barbie's magic of pegusus and we had the works from the napkins, plates and cups to the piniata and gift bags and treats!!
I keep thinking only two more 'big' parties then it's just the few friends you really want over.. not 13+ little girls screaching running around laughing.. AH who am I kidding.... listening to her laughing, playing and running around like a normal 6 year old.. PRICELESS, my cup over flows! bring on them big old parties at home with as many friends as you want! I had one mother as we talked ask why Hannah was sick..(I was giving her a tour of the house -took like two seconds.. small house..-) and I said she had leukemia and is now 2 years 2+ months in remission and continue to takl about the house and she was a little shocked and it is the first time in a long time I just said -with out thinking and explaining in detail the whole story- she had leukemia and never gave it a swcond thought.. that only took me two years two plus months to be able to do and after when it hit me and all the girls had gone home Hannah and I were by ourselves and she asked me to play with her and could we play with one of her new toys and I just looked at her then grabbed her up and sat on her bed hugging the life out of her (she said I squezzed the breath out of her belly) and kissing her over and over with tears and she said 'mommy' are those happy tears... and handed me a tissue and then said I'm alright mommy you don't have to cry anymore!! well with those words I sure did cry harder and then we giggled and watched one of her new DVD's well she watched I slept!!
I am glad I put the pot of noodle water on before I fell asleep cause when i woke up it was nearly 6 PM and theat meant the other party was about to start and I had yet to cook the noodles! good thing the guests were all late! I had parents calling me the day of the party all the way up until 12:30 PM (her party started at 2) and I was kind of laughing when they all asked about was it too late to RSVP... so I said no I invited 13 and if they all show up fine we are preparred if not we shall have leftovers... one dad called in a panic saying he never got the memo from his ex wife about the party but his daughter would not stop talking about having to go to a birthday party... they all had fun and it went very well, smooth and fast! THANK YOU KIM!!! for all your help and I am sorry donnie for you being surrounded by all those girls... one day you may like being the only boy but I know now it is the worst thing in the world to have nothing but girls at a birthday party. I hope you enjoy your spider man cup!
I had a meeting today with the pastor of the church I am joining, since I was presbyterian and now going to methodist I need to go to a few classes to understand any misconseptions I may have had or have. all I know is I feel at 'home' there and well accepted. Hannah looks forward to going with me knowing it is just us girls and I am waiting until the fall for her to attend sunday school classes. I am hopefull she will be able to get up earlier than she does now being a bit lax with her afternoon school schedule she sometimes is up past 10 PM or wakes up wondering into my bed or the couch then sleeping until 10 Am or a bit later.
I know how important sleep is so I let her sleep later so she gets her hours of sleep in. some mornings we rush around but she makes the bus. tomorrow is her big day and she is so excited about taking in her birthday treats I doubt she will be asleep before 10! WELL i WAS RIGHT i JUST LOOKED AT THE TIME AND IT IS NEARING 11 O'Clock and she is chatting away to her dad. I am sure he will be snoring any second now. I need to get her into an earlier sleep pattern at night before the fall so she is not waking up half asleep and cranky during the day at school and home. I have talked to other PM kindtergarten parents and they had other kids in the PM classes that said with time once they spend a week getting used to the Am schedule they will get into a pattern of going to sleep earlier on their own. kind of like when your body is adjusting to daylight savings time or jet lag. it all works out sooner and you adjust. well it is getting late and my eyes are heavy. think I'll go snuggle with the soon to be birthday girl... maybe shed a tear or two??? God speed ~Holly~
Please Pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, those in treatment, having a BMT and recovering from one and those families who now have an angel in heaven.
Thursday, March 30, 2006 11:54 PM CST Hello, Well seems I have a "hacker"... yup, a Hacker... I always have been funny about giving out my passwords and well I let my gaurd down and caringbridge was running fine and not the problem.. the only one besides me and a good friend who have the passwords did not change it so then how... in a word.. a Hacker who posed as a helpful can I add a nice thing to your web page.... and I initially said no and then gave in. I forgot about it then they kept asking em again and again for it and I said enough. no more.. well my long journaling I had on here was gone in less than 24 hours and many asked me why I deleted it? deleted what?? the journal you added is gone was it too personal?? so I did some investigating and I saved the persons email who kept asking me and guess what.. it no longer works.. HMMM sound fishy I think so too!
The mystery seems solved and I will be changing the password soon. (Kim I shall let you know when I do!)now for the update I do not have the energy to hash it all up again but when more is concrete and on papers I will share the information with you. now onto more things.... like the "family fuede" is still on and that's all I have to say about that! "Forest Gump" Dad is back I have yet to see him but he knows his Dog was put to sleep... sad day and we all miss him. he is with mom now eating toast and bacon I'm sure! Hannah and I will be going to her old preschool to tell a bit of her story since they will be doing their St. Jude trike-a-Thon Thursday (later today!!.
Hannah's ENT appointment went well (very LONG) the waiting room was packed , never a good sign, and we waited so long even missed lunch.... so Hannah and I laughed in the office waiting on the Doctor to come in and both of our tummies were growling so loud! we ate breakfast then left the house around 11:30 AM arriving at the Hospital about 12:45 PM for her 1:30 PM appointment. I wanted to stop into the oncology clinic to see Dr. Shaw and drop off a few things I picked up for his new daughter and I also picked a few things up for his sons. that was a quick 15 min stop then onto the ENT in plenty of time... time to WIT and wait and wait... of all days I did not bring snacks! I figured we would be out of there by 2:30PM nope, I was WRONG! so we left around 3:40 PM....starving. we grabbed a few things from the gift shop and pop stop (snack counter) on the way out to hold us until we got home or closer to real food!
I saw Harlei Parker's van in the parking garage but we missed seeing her! I'll I have been doing anymore is running, working and sleeping (yes I should be there now..) but I wanted to jot a few things down for the talks tomorrow while I remebered then I gotr on the PC and I have yet to jot anything down.. now what was I going to jot down again....HMMM must stay on task!!OH! I ahve some news to share.... ABC's Extreme Make over Home Edition is looking for cancer families and others with conditions to come build them a house.. SO I contacted them about it explaining Hannah had cancer and has Mosaic Down Syndrome, they are looking for families with Down Syndrome children as well... we have both in Hannah as well as some tragedies that hit all around when she was fisrt diagnosed... they got back to me with a revised and very specific application and directions on how to make a video and encouraging us to apply, seems we fit what they are looking for and OH how our house needs a demolition crew!! wet basement, growing molds, no duct work, falliong apart rooms and ceilings and just NO room!! I am anxiously awaiting the process now! wish us luck and pray we can have a new home! How this would help the situation around here with stress and tensions of worry. I would love to see Hannah in a real princess room that has ROOOM to play in, same for Blkae just more room! and closet space and larger kitchen.. no dust and molds, wet basement... OH a girl can dream big right!!
Well on that note I am going to bed and dream of Ty ... er... I mean.. a dream house...LOL! that would be a true blessing right about now! please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatment, having a BMT or recovering from one, and those families who now have an angel in heaven. GOD speed! ~Holly~
Wednesday, March 22, 2006 11:33 PM CST Please pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, relapsed, those having a BMT or recovering from one and those families who now have an anagel in heaven.
Tuesday, March 7, 2006 4:13 PM CST Hello from FLU central! Stomache flu that is! yes the dreaded intestinal flu hit the Hannum house at 9 Am on Saturday with hannah as the starter and I followed Sunday evening until 4 AM Monday Am and Blake came in third starting his spell at 9 AM Monday. Hannah was back to herself very quickly and had no fever. after her initial bout from 'both ends' she was back to eating and drinking with no ill effects. so we went to church on Sunday and out to lunch then off to finish getting her ready for her gymnastics birthday party she was invited to (number 3 for the year!) now she wants a gymnastic party for her birthday! on the way to the party I had a call from work asking me where I was and did I plan on showing up today?? what? work today.. I requested it off and I am scheduled??? how?
I scrambled to get another mother to take Hannah home with her from the party since they live a few houses down from us and that is Hannah's friend she plays with and has sleepovers with. I then called mark to let him know what was going on and rushed to change clothes and off to WORK. I am really resenting how much time WORK takes up! I get there and checked the schedule not only am I scheduled but the schedule has changed from what I last wrote down for the week! I am now frazzled and this blew my whole day and I felt behind not ready and just out of sorts! good thing Suzanne came to my rescue and stayed for an hour until I did get there! I felt so nausiated all day at work and after I had to grab a few things then head home.
I was looking forward to watching the Oscars from my couch with a bowl of popcorn but I ended up watching it from my bed with piles of covers running in and out of the bathroom and shower until 4 AM! how I felt like I exploded everything from my insided out! Blake and I called it the "OH GOD" flu! because after you tossed from both ends and tasted blood and well....bile you just keep saying OH GOD...... there can be no more to come out of me and then your back! I can say Blake is paper trained now! LOL! lets just say it was a good thing the news paper fell on the floor when Blake headed in for the bathroom in a hurry, poor kid felt so bad and all we could do was laugh together.
Mark said he doubts he'll get it and I said don't hold your breath! I don't wish this on my dead enemies let alone living ones not that I have any or any I know of.... I thought we were on the mend and I ended up with a fever 101.2 Monday night but tylenol and a nap helped and a shower and posicle. I am now up to soup with noodles and Jello as well as juice. I was on ice chips and even they were hard to keep down! Blake would have felt better sooner but he would gulp water juice or tea saying he was soo thirsty and due to his belly not ready for large amounts he was back in the bathroom. today we both are very sore all over and feeling better. I had to cancel Hannah's ENT appointment for today and the woman asked if I just wanted to wait until the morning?? I am supposed to cancel 24 hours before so why would I wait knowing I am just getting over this flu thing and do not want to chance giving it to some ill child or family member, she even joked about me giving it to the office staff so they would have time off! like I said this is nasty and hard on you so I do not wish this on anybody! I did get her appointment rescheduled. glad I did there was no way i felt up to a Pittsburgh trip and running around the hospital or finding parking.
we watched movies, slept, watched TV, slept I did get some laundry done (lets just say low on underware and towels) and now I can't sleep and my whole body still hurts! I gave some muscles my body and I had no clue of having a real workout! I am glad we are on the upside of the flu and hope to never get that one again! I have been reading on some web sites the flu has been going around rapidy and we all know how bad it is when on of the kids in treatment gets sick. lets pary this bug is gone and soon! prayers to Dakota H family, their beautiful 15 year old boy who kept fighting finaly won his battle in heaven. I have not spoken to my sister this week about Stephanie but I last talked to her mom and her chemo was working and she was an early responder to her chemo. PTL and thanks for the prayers keep them going around!
Sorry for the 'graphic' details of the stomache flu. thats what we had in our house this weekend. I am glad Hannah was quick to recover! I was getting worried about Blake he seemed to have it the worst because he would not stop drinking and that did not help to keep it down I was sure he was going to need an IV! so we are on the mend and doing better. please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT or recovering from one, those families who now have an angel in heaven.
I have several kids on my list to contact about kids hero awards from kidscancerconnection.org when I email you or leave a message in your guest book I will need the following: childs name, diagnosis, hospital(s) treated at school atending, Dr. treating child. birthdate. siblings.
the questions are ones needed to fill out the award forms that will be sent to the local and state government and hospital and clinic as well as to the childs Dr. they will name a day after the child. these awards have been done in the past and this is to show how brave these kids are in all they go through. they also do awards for those who have passed away so if you know a child going through chemo, newly diagnosed, past treatments or an angel in heaven please let me know, send me the caringbridge site if they have one or another site. I forward the sites over and Steven Firstien can finish awards and personalize them from what the childs likes are. God Speed ~Holly~
A big congatulations to Hannah's Dr. Shaw and his wife.. they have a beautiful baby girl born 2-24
Friday, February 17, 2006 10:15 PM CST UPDATE: the little girl Stephanie I asked prayers for has leukemia ALL AND lymphoma. I will be heading up to see her tomorrow and let her and her family know the prayer warriors are sending up those prayers! Thank you all!! I will let you know more after I visit with the family.
Hannah had a magical Princess Friday night... she went to see the Disney Princesses on ice! what an awesome show that was, we will definatly be going back next year >note to self... get tickets EARLY!!! the lighting and the costumes were amazing. cost of tickets 60.00, parking 10.00, drink with souvoneer cup 10.00, cottoncandy with souvoneer crown 10.00 seeing Hannah's eyes light with each princess.....Priceless!! I did get pictures how they come out??? getting them developed later today. Blake had a nice birthday and he now has friends over... well off to work YES work. will probably come home to a wrecked house???!! God Bless. ~Holly~
PRAYER WARRIORS NEEDED ASAP!!! PRAYERS NEEDED ASAP!! PLEASE PRAY!! My sister called to let me know her neighbors daughter Stephanie was diagnosed with, she thinks leukemia (masses found in her sinus, chest and shoulder??). I was upset and told her to give my name phone number and Hannah's caringbridge site (I will send her information about caringbridge and pass that along if and when she decides to open one up). what really got me was when Kim said Holly, she gave blood for Hannah at the blood drive and gave regularly since learning about Hannah!! I went into work crying and just praying she would be fine and I know she has a great team of Doctors at children's.
Please pray for this little girl and her family, those of us who have been there know their road is just starting. Kim said she is on chemo and will be for 2 years as for radiation??? I will keep you posted with what I know when I now and as long as the family does not mind me sharing information. prayer warriors please pray! I know you all will and spread the word and to prayer chains everywhere! we all know how prayers helped us and still do! thank you all and God bless. I will update when I know more. ~Holly~
pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatments, having a BMT, recovering from a BMT, those families who now have an angel in heaven.
Friday, February 10, 2006 9:39 PM CST Happy Valentines Day (Tuesday...)! the Steelers did it baby !!! who dey...WE DEY!~! that's right they WON the superbowl!!! one for the thumb and what a way to retire the bus... congrats to all the Steelers and thos ebehind them. the commercial I saw this past Sunday was not one scene on the television but it went like this... superbowl munchies 27.00, steelers gear 50.00, rooting on your favorite team and them winning while watching history with grandfather... PRICELESS!! when my dad saw they won and then saw coach Cowers chin quiver his started then Brandon's (my nephew.. dads surprise..) I was a ball of sobs right along with them!! Brandon really loved watching the game with his grandpa bob-bob and dad even enjoyed the surprise of Brandon flying in to see him and the game.
same old same here... work, clean house, sleep, work, clean house, sleep, just keeping busy and trying to avoid the germs and cough/cold/flu's going around. we are getting our winter finally, colder and snow in the weather reports. maybe the viruses will die out. all I hear at work is people walking past hacking and coughing sneezing and not a one covers their mouth or attempts to wash their hands. I hate touching 'dirty germy' money.. I wash my hands soo much at work they are raw and cracked! I guess all that Hannah went through and how carefull we had to be while she was on chemo and low counts made me a germ-a-phobe.
Brandon was to leave Thursday around noon and I just got back home from dropping Hannah off at school after dropping Brandon off at the airport and was looking forward to my clean house and day off even planned a nap in there... well that never happened! the phone rang and Brandon said you need to come get me the flight had a last minute fill up with another airlines passengers so he was bumped! UGH!! so off I went and then headed over to pay a few bills and go to my therapy appointment and get my hand x-rayed (back when I fell in November...still bothering me) so I finally made it home around 6 PM! ran from 9 AM-6PM! nice day off.. NOT! I did get many things done and phne calls made, bills paid and still my house looked fine.
I had to take Brandon back to the airport this morning at 5:45 AM (we were a bit late leaving.. 6:15 AM)Brandon was a bit hard to wake up and then I had to get Hannah ready and Blake up for school. Mark left at 5 Am for an out of town trip (fill you in later....) one good thing I needed gas and believe it or not the airports price was nearly 10 cents cheaper!! we got back home around 7:45 Am and I made Hannah and I breakfast then Brandon called and I said this better be an I'm on the flight phone call.... he did make the flight so he is back in San Antonio TX. after we ate I headed back to bed and why I wonder I'll never know.. I had one phone call after another so sleeping was not in the plan this morning. I got up showered made Hannah lunch woke her up (at least she got some more sleep) then off to the bus for her and I did a few things then off to pick her up and drop her and Blake off at my father-in-laws then off to work.. so busy day. I am tired! very tired so for now.. things are the ssme no better no worse. Hannah is getting another cough and I am just keeping even.
Blake is watching Hannah tomorrow night so I can go to my church Valentine dinner. alone yes but still going to make the best of it. he may have his 'bar family' I have my church family! rememebr love one another... cupids aiming that arrow Tuesday! off to bed.. I work in the AM! I sold all the Steelers spirit day pins! Hannah's, LTN walk has a start this year of $375.00! whoohoo! thanks to all those who took part in this, I may try again this fall with the pins. here we go ZSteelers here we go!! ~Holly~
Please pray for those newly diagnosed, in treatment, in remission, having a BMT and healing from a BMT, and those families who have an angel now in heaven.
Friday, February 3, 2006 2:28 PM CST Hello and sorry to have not updated....been busy around here and well things are not going in a direction (marriage blahs..) I wished they would have. we are gearing up to root our STEELERS on in the superbowl this Sunday GO STEELERS!!! a few surprises are in the works for my dad... and ONE for the THUMB baby!! Hannah is excited to wear her new Steelers gear and be a cheerleader... OH and big news with hannah!! since she has hit 2 years in remission and her appointments are now every 4 months we decided her ears could take the peircing she has been begging for! so off to the Mall to have it done.
Hannah was so excited and fearless... I mean c'mon after all she has been through, spinal taps back chemo, lumbar punctures and skin biopsies ect... she sat in the chair , the lady got all her things out and readied the ear 'gun' and Hannah drew back and said mommy I don't think I want my ears pierced! so a few tears and we walked away. the lady understood but did not want to make her traumatized so we walked around a little while and Hannah talked to a few people before deciding to get them pierced and back to the chair only this time I had to sit in it and hold Hannah. we chatted a few minutes while the lady readied the ear 'gun' again and she marked Hannah's ears with the special marker to maek sure her aim would have them both even and we agreed they were perfect in line and Hannah and I takled how I could no longer 'nibble' her ears until they healed completely and the first one was done! Hannah said in excitement and disbelief that it was in fact now pierced... is my ear done? we said YES it is see.. she looked in the mirror as the lady did her other one and Hannah about jumped for joy LAUGHING at how simple and pain free it was!
I think I was ready to pass out from fear.. her ears never turned red after as I have seen in the past so they must have improved greatly on the ear 'guns' and even now she has no problems with them in any way. we can't wait to change the earings and her daddy and pappy both promised her diamonds! well her birthday is April and the birthstone is daimonds!! guess DIVA is really born into with her birthmonth! LOL! so her ears will be healed enough to change them on or around her birthday (April 11) as well as healed enough for my neices wedding she will be in this June. she is thrilled and when we went to try on the dresses and gowns for flower girls she was in heaven ... I mean a large mirror to look at herself... all these beautiful gowns making her feel like and look like a princess.... OH I can see how expencive we are headed with her.. and I don;t mind at all! I am frugal so I can find a bargain anywhere... I just picked up a few end of season clearance items at my local Wal-mart and the pants were only a dollar and the sweaters and jacket and few tops were all three dollars or less! Hannah just loved the fact she has new clothes!
I also found myself a bargain...I always liked the marquise cut diamond not large just enough.. so while at the mall last week I saw a going out of business sale at a jewlers and went in to 'look' well I found a 900.00 marquise for 179.00!!! YUP it fits and goes well with the wrap I got a year ago! so I guess I bought myself my own valentines gift! Hannah and I did look for earings.. no luck, all picked over! I did feel guilty for like a minute... then got over it... this Diva thing has it's perks..LOL! Hannah is teaching me well....seriously I found a bargain and went for it. I am happy with my choice and Mark well he is Mark.
I have been selling these Steelers spirit day stickers..AKA I made them into pins out of small phot buttons and they are selling better than the stickers so I do have some left for those who wish to getone. they are 5.00 each and they are a small gold sticker with black writing and black helmet saying Steelers sprit day on them. I popped them on a round piece of black paper and in to a photo button and walla.. PIN! the funds collected go to Hannah's light the night fund for this year. a great start to her light the night walk! thanks to all who have already donated! here we go Steelers here we go!! ~Holly~
please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatments, having a BMT and healing from a BMT, and those who now have an angel in heaven.
Thursday, January 19, 2006 2:41 PM CST Hello and welcome back. Hannah had her clinic visit Wednesday and her counts are GREAT!!! she will be 2 years in remission on Saturday January 21!!! WOW! TWO YEARS!!!! here is her counts from November and this past Wednesday (1/18/06) I'll list November's first then current.
WBC: 7.6 - 10.4
NE: 2.6 - 5.6 she's got an immune system!
HGB: 12.8 - 12.9 staying great!!
PLT: 215 - 246 I'm very happy with this number!!
As you can see her numbers are very good. PTL!! her white count will probably go down since she just finished a three day steroid treatment for croup a week ago and steroids tend to make ones white count go up some. all in all things in her system are NORMAL! I am pleased with her platelets (PLT) and her hemoglobin (HGB)these worry me when they go down. so even being sick with croup a week ago she is rebounding very well and her immune system (NE/ANC) or Absolute Neutrophil Count shows that! whew! she now gets to go every 4 months or 3 times a year for a year then down to every 6 months or two times a year for a year then I do believe it will be once every 5 years! I guess she is nearing the half way mark of 5 years cancer free.
I have been busy and after Hannah's croup I got a bit of the virus that turned into a sinus infection, thankfully cought early but I was still miserable with a sinus headache. my job is going well and I am learning as the person to discipline another is pretty tough. I had the I'll just 'do it myself' additude but that was only letting them get away and do it again and again as well as making me a frustrated so after a good talking to myself I decided to let them fall all on their own! the manager and I know who are not doing their part and we both keep a better eye on jobs not done and who worked the shift so we are sending out a warning then a verbal so we'll see how this goes. I guess I was raised in a genration that worked for their paycheck not stood around complaining and doing nothing to collect a check! I am also looking into making a major life decision, one I have been contimplating for a while. I'll keep you all posted.
Hannah's Dr. could not believe how big she is getting and how tall. after looking at her I see more and more of how grown up she is getting, Blake too. he is nearly 3 inches taller than me and wears a size 13 shoe! he will be going to a formal dance with a GIRL.... he will turn 14 February 23 so looking at both kids I am filled with pride as well as HOLY CRAP, when did I get old! Hannah lost another front bottom tooth (note to tooth fairy.... SEND MONEY!!)she just loves the idea of money after a bit of blood shed and lost tooth so much that after her 'finger poke' she asked in her very sad convincing voice what do I get for having my finger poked?? the girl is good! so after a trip to Burger King Inside to the playroom even... we HAD to go to the toy store to redeem her card from Christmas. add another 25 from mom and she was happy! her appointment was for 11 AM we were called back around 12:10 PM then taken to her exam room after her height/weight/BP/temp...I asked about her blood work and the girl filling in for the regular girl just took us to the exam room and left to 'find out'. a little while later one of the Dr. who work with Hannah's Dr. came in to see if Hannah had her finger poke yet.. NOPE so off to the lab we went. Hannah was brave and did not even whimper.Dr. Shaw finally came in around 12:30 PM and it was a very good visit and he even commented on her tonsils being very large and not remembering them being so large. not to worry me he said he has seen larger ones and hers are not red or infected looking just large.
I told him I know and we keep close tabs on her tonsils and have an appointment in March for an ENT checkup and further discussion on where to go with her tonsils. right now she has had fewer infections since we last saw the ENT so I doubt surgery will be an option so we will probably just watch, wait and see how she does this year and add up any throat infections like croup, tonsilitis and strep. we may do a sleep study to see if she snores, mouth breathes sleeping and awake, sleep apnea. she does not seem to have the apnea but when she sleeps she snores and mouth breathes mostly if she is stuffy or has an infection going on or allergies are bothering her. I am not wanting her to have surgery and that would be the last thing we do if medicine as well as lifestyle changes are not working well or she just keeps getting infections. so far we have done many lifestyle changes like the covered bedding with allergy covered matress and pillow case.
I dust CONSTANTLY.... (we won't go THERE! lets just say DUCT WORK!) we have no carpeting and no more cat, the dog is a mini dacshund with little hair and does not sleep in her bed. I watch what we bathe in as well as wash clothes in so fragrance and dyed things are allowed but we watch to see if she has a reaction and make sure to note what she ate, bathed with and what I washed with. I keep to the same detergent and bath soap so this is not a problem. I am sure anyone who dealt with allergies this sounds familair! poor thing has my winter skin, dry and itchy during winter months. we lotion up during and after showering so this helps.
I have a prayer request to add. all I know is a little 9 year old girl from GA 'Donna' was given her last wish and the family is spending time with her. please pray for her, she is afraid and knows she has little time left as well as pray for the family, losing ones child is the most heartbreaking thing to go through, pray for their pain to ease and theier hearts to heal.
Pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT and healing from one, in treatment and for those families who have an angel in heaven. God Speed ~Holly~
Tuesday, January 10, 2006 10:22 PM CST Hello faithfull Hannah followers, I am back online!!! my PC was delivered back late Sunday evening. I lost a few files so I am slowly getting things back in order..... we are back from the big indoor water slide park, Splash Lagoon in Erie PA. well I said two weeks for one or all of us to be sick and it was ONE week to the day later! Hannah woke Friday with a bit of a cough but by Saturday AM it was full blown croup. seal bark and no voice crying her chest and throat hurt when she coughed. off to the steamy shower then after drying off really good bundled her up and headed out in the cold (not too bad for January in PA.. like 48 degrees!) off to the Dr's.
The Dr. said I did everything I could, steamy shower, breathing cold air and cough meds so he added steroids... OH NO ROID RAGE!! she was improved with the steroid since it helped take the swelling down in her throat/larnyx area but she still had a nasty cough and she was crying how she hurt from her throat to her belly from coughing so back to the Dr's Monday and he listened and said she sounded clear in the lungs and gave her cough meds with codeine to help her sleep and rest from al the coughing... rest she did! thankfully she did not develope my codeine allergy!! I had a few days off with her and boy did we both get to liking that! she cried when I went back today... but she also went back to school, her coughing is down to mostly nights and with the codeine cough med for a few days I'm sure that too will be gone soon.
I must correct my last entry.. I was married the first time for 10 months not 20.... I have decided to go into marriage counceling again... I'll keep ya'll posted how that goes, keep praying. while at Splash Lagoon Mark and his dad decided to "over recreate" and had one pitcher too many then went back on the slides and well.... Mark's dad has a broken tail bone.. and Mark has cracked some ribs as well as his ankle...hmmmm can you say GROW UP!!! Blake had fun and as all good things come to and end it was back to school the next day after returning home, Mark lost a filling from his root canal while we were up there so the trip was one that beat Mark up some. he sounds as if he is getting a bad cough too..... and it keeps going around... PLEASE I do not need this!!
I'm a bit behind in checking on other CB pages and answering some emails so I will get back to you... I only had 289 emails to read!! Steven if you read this SORRY I have been MIA... for those who would like their child nominated for a Hero award of bravery or know of a child that is deserving of one (all these kids are!!) just send me an email and I'll get back to you with a few questions and get you in contact with Steven Firestein. his web page is www.kidscancerconnection.org feel free to check it out and read all of the wonderful things he has done for kids all over. Thank you Steven!! Hannah will be headed to Clinic on Wednesday January 18th... I'll post later that day with news of how far her appointments will skip to and how the appointment went. she will be 24 months in remission, off treatment 2 years 1 month and it has been 2 years 10 months since diagnosis (March 27, 2003) on January 21. milestones she hit and passed so far.
Hannah is getting ready to lose another tooth, oh how she is excited.... to know when one loses a tooth one gets MONEY baby! I need to find out about dreams.. I keep having a dream that I am having another baby and it is a girl... hmmm... I know that is not going to happen, tubes tied after Hannah was born nearly 6 years ago! guess it has something to do with everyone around having babies... I miss that baby stage and all those firsts they have... OK... hormones are now in check! no more diapers.. baby puke midnight feedings or later.. loss of sleep... OH wait maybe that was my getting older dream.. diapers, feedings , naps... LOL!! I lost my pictures I had ready to upload so back to scanning and adding new picks sometime when I have a day off!
Please keep those in prayer newly diagnosed, in remission, relapsed and back on treatment, those having and healing from a BMT, and those who now have an angel in heaven. God Speed ~Holly~
Saturday, December 31, 2005 9:06 AM CST Hello to ALL!!! SO Sorry I have been away ... I am still without my PC! so Please email me and I will get them and asnwer as soon as I can. We all had a wonderful Christmas. Hannah sang in her Christmas play and was so excited to wear her new Christmas dress! Hannah has a guitar so she is learning and playing along with Mark and Blake... look out Alanis..... with less anger and resentments though! Blake was the king of gift cards this year....he could not wait to SPEND them all! add new clothes... I am now looking for job #2 for Blakely's clothing bill!!! I thought Hannah's was bad...NOT!
Mark and I continue to 'struggle' with the marriage... (cat out of bag here..)so please pray for us. he wants to try marriage therapy/counceling again. so we'll see. part of me is ready to move on and more of me just can't decide. I guess after 15 years together (end of January)I still feel something is left to try and save....or is it I am just too long married I am afraid of change and worry about the kids and divorce......this is my second marriage.. the first lasting about 20 months. no children and it was very abusive, I got out in time thankfully. enough about me and Mark......
we are heading to Erie PA to an indoor water slide park over new years day returning January 2. it is fun and the kids are always alseep early! I do not look forward to the 2 weeks later illnesses that can and do happen after! sharing germs with thousands of others....! not enough hand sanitizers in the world!! not to mention ahem...AGE....is a factor climbing all the stairs just to slide down ONE slide can take it's toll! Hannah runs right back up do again mom do again...hurry!!! panting.. Hannah..gasp wait.. for me pant pant...Blake takes her sometimes but this year he has his friend going and they are both at that ohhh GIRLS age! I doubt Blake will be taking Hannah up and down many slides this year. Hannah will be 2 years in remission January 21!!!take care and God Bless. ~Holly~
Happy New year. Pray for those newly dignosed, in remission, in treatments, having and recovering from a BMT, those who now have an angel in heaven.
Thursday, December 15, 2005 9:01 PM CST Hello, Well I am updating on my son's (my old PC)PC. my new PC CRASHED!!! I have no clue how or what happened. I had pictures ready and uploaded, a nice Christmas journal entry and then boom! nadda, nothing but a strange message that wanted to keep rebooting my PC and wanting to delete my files! so here is a quick update on some things.... Hannah is doing well even with a sinus infection. she recoreded a few radio commercials for the Blood Bank and I had a few to do as well. then off to the mall for a quick hello on the wish 100 live broadcast to help the MAW foundation.... then off to get Hannah lunch and then get her to school. she was a few minutes late but made it!
I was to be off but the weather here in PA has been sleeting, raining, icing, snowing and snowing and ... well it is WINTER! so we had a few call offs to cover and I was the one to cover! so much for Christmas baking. I did get a few cookies done and the cut outs. now Hannah has been bugging me to decorate them! I am so behind this week. my Christmas cards were late and I still have more yet to send! and my 36th year is heading to and end very soon and 37 rapidly approaches..... I can see 4-0 soon! I am also behind on caringbridge visits.... sorry! well for now I will end the journal with: Merry Christmas to all and Happy New Year. Happy Hanukka, Kwaanza, etc... to everyone. Hannah will be 23 months in remission on December 21!!! what a nice way to turn 37 ;) and celibrate more than my age!
Please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in treatment, in remission, those Having a BMT and recvovering from one, most of all those who have an angel in heaven. God Bless
Wednesday, November 30, 2005 10:50 PM CST Hello faithful Hannah followers....well heres so0me of the big news I had to wait and tell you...... I have become the assistand manager at the company I work for!! whooohoo!! in a little over 3 months I moved up from employee to managment. not bad for a pretzel 'wench'.... Hannah and all are doing well health wize and my schedule with the promotion is taking off! who knew a bump in pay and a few more hours added paper work managing employees.... LOL! I'll get used to it all. I am going to be installed into the fraternal order of the eastern stars tomorrow night, big night for mio! not sure what to expect but I understand it is a big shindig and tadoo.... had to borrow a white/off white/ gown.. very formal...I will have pictures taken and share when I get them back.
I know I am behind in adding photo's....like I said my schedule is just getting fuller by the day, add in Christmas and all I have going on in between... very full indeed! now getting to the Celebrate the season parade.... to sum it up in a word.... C~O~L~D! let me rephrase.... FREEZING COLD! the temp could have been like the past few days warmer... but NO not the day we had to be in 'da burgh' by 7:30 AM! the parade went slower than I thought it would have and we found out that we had not even made it on TV! bummer. we were bundled in seven layers head to toe and sitting outside in a mini train fit for kids NOT ADULTS BUTTS!! my legs went numb as well as my butt. Hannah had fun so I guess that is all that counted as well as we supported out Make A Wish chapter. I did have a bad exit out of the city... as we were heading into the parking lot (after a warm shuttle took us back to the parking lot) I saw my neice and nephew's band line up and wanted to go say HI, well my gfeet were still numb and my legs became uncoordinated and I tumbled down chipping my tooth and fattening my lip! not that bad after all but embarresing YES!
I had my tooth fixed this week, just a little grinding down and buffing then a bit for the other front tooth so they matched.. I got rid of a little bucky beaver teeth not much but I'll take it! PRAISES and PRAYERS going out to Carter Finger and his family!!! great news the scans came out showing 70-80% improvement!! now lets keep those prayers for his cells/marrow to recover so they don't need to use his harvested stem cells for a rescue!! I'm going to cut it off here since I have things yet to do and my bed is calling me! 8 1/2 hours with no break is catching up! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Hapy Holly~days :)
Please keep those in prayers newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatmetns, those who have relapsed, having a BMT and recovering from a BMT, those families who now have an angel in heaven. ~Holly~
Wednesday, November 23, 2005 9:57 PM CST Introducing the newest Rockette!! Hannah met two of the Rockettes last Friday at the light up night in Pitsburgh while helping out at the Blood Bank booth for the Steelers Blood drive. she had a blast!! I filled out an application for her to do some modeling, acting and commercial work thinking they'll never call or they will call and it will cost us a bundle... well I was wrong (so far...) they called and Hannah has an AUDITION Saturday after the Celebrate the Season Parade down town Pittsburgh. she was asked by Make A Wish to ride in the parade with other wish kids and families so we said yes... we also went shoping for WARM thermals..... it is snowing here in PA.. however pretty NOT fun to drive in.
I slide sideways in my large conversion van that is NOT at all a snow vehicle! after a brief 'crap' in my pants and deep breath I was able to get it straight again and SLOWLY drove home with SUV's behind me annoyed! Mark and Blake are in VA visiting Mark's brother and his wife for the week. Hannah and are are going to enjoy the quiet and lack of messes left however we will *miss* them on Thanksgiving. I will try and update more in the photo section later this week ...I have been up since 4 AM! the boyz made so much banging noise and in and out of the house I decided to just get up and then started my pies and pizelles (sp?) the house was cleaned and straightened up laundry was done as well so I went to town hoping to nap today..HA! never happened . every time I closed my eyes the phone rang. I will pas on some good news next week.. more on the job front so I will keep you posted... I ask a prayer for my 18 year old Neice who lived in CA... she was injured and will need prayers for the emotional and mental scars for years to come. I pray justice will be done.
I will make a longer update in a few days, Hannah's clinic appointment went very well all counts are great!! she is 22 months in remission and in January we may graduate to every 6 months!! wow! 2 times a year not every month or every other month visits. Pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, fighting relaps, having a BMT and recovering from a BMT, those fighting, our service men and women, those traveling this holiday and those families who now have an angel in heaven as well as those who are watching their child grow wings.
Thank you for the gift of life, for letting me be me, for all that I can know by words and all that I can see.
For all the music I can hear and all the songs I sing, for all the joy that comes to me and the joy I bring.
For all the food that I can taste and all the sweet scent smell, for all the loved ones I can touch Who love and wish me well,
For all the beauty of the world, ever fresh and new, I don't know whom else I can thank, and so I'm thanking you.
Happy Thanksgiving ~Holly~
Monday, November 14, 2005 10:13 AM CST Hello to all the faithfull Hannah followers! I did not want to leave anyone 'hanging on' longer however I am still not at liberty to let the "cat out of the bag" yet and to those who do not know 'us' NO I am NOT expecting!! tubes tied, cauterized and fixed after Hannah was born. the news is of sensative nature that will effect our family 'unit' that being said I'll stop there. now on to brighter happier things.... I was Honored this past Saturday to give my first KCC award www.kidscancerconnection.org to a Brave boy who deserves it throughout his fight with Neuroblastoma cancer, Carter Finger. he is also treated at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh with the same oncology group Hannah goes to and that's how we met the wonderful Finger family.
I spoke before about Helping Carter's family when I worked a booth at the Ozzfest 2 summers ago. that was alot of work for the little money the Finger family got and if I knew how to gripe or to whom to gripe to I would and make sure the Fingers got more than they did! sad when a multimoney making place can't give more to a wonderful cause. anyway. after the ceremony Carter and Hannah played and Carter or Hannah...one of them vowed they were " a couple now' LOL! too cute! I have many more caringbridge kids to get to some I have already made contact with now we are just waiting on paper work and timing. if you know of a child please feel free to email me and I will get busy and do what I need to do to start the ball rolling.
The awards are so great for the kids. the smile on their faces over the awards and the fact they get a day named after them PRICELES! but to make the local, state and other governments AWARE of our kids (so many!! too many!!)fighting cancers and more needs to be done and funding made available for research!! between the KCC and my job as well as keeping things around the house as normal as possible with looming well...can't go into that just yet. has been somewhat hard. I will update more after her clinic visit Wednesday. bear with me we have a busy week/weekend and I do have pictures sitting right here to scan and D/L ...so the update may be after the weekend.
Hannah has clinic Wednesday, the big Light up night Friday where she will be in the blood banks booth helping the Pittsburgh Steelers promote their blood drive, not sure if or how many actual Steelers will be around??? my dad and son would like some autograph's I'm sure..... I'll bring the camera in case any show up! then Saturday I will be in Children's Hospital from 8 AM- 1 or 2 PM for a conference on after effects from chemo and school issues as well as many other important topics and I get to see Hannah's Dr. Shaw twice in one week!! LOL! by the way ..Happy Birthday Dr. Shaw!! can you believe Christmas is only 41 days away!! I have some little things done but as for the larger items YIKES! behind as usuall. I used to have my Christmas cards nearly done by now and mailed out the day after Thanksgiving!! now I am not looking forward to all that so soon, the decorating ..alright so I am looking forward to the decorating and music I love Christmas music and well my birthday so close to Christmas.. but really I like how the holiday brings a peace and so many are closer to family, friends and God. after all it is HIS birthday.
I see I rambled on ... so I will end on Hannah is well, my cholesteral and clothing size are dropping and the cholesterol is normal that I am excited about... now if I can only control these what iff's and panic feelings and actual panic attacks.. they have subsided and been a while since I had a full blown and run to the ER for treatment ... guess I will always have this worry as in many journals one particular one..Kendrie from GA... her mom talked about how Kendrie is nearing the end of LTM and now she feels like the safety net or her words: umbrella would no longer be there and now what... like many of us the now what is one day at a time clinic visits slowly going down from weekly to montly then every other month, every few months and eventually we shall hit the magic 5 year mark and pray the cancer never returns. the worries will always be there we just have to learn to deal with them and not let them rule us! I am still learning this among other things in the after cancer treatment part of out new normal lives. trust in your faith keep loved ones close and never give up HOPE. blessings and many thanks to all and have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Please keep those in prayer newly diagnosed, in remission, fighting relaps, having a BMT and recovering from a BMT, thiose fighting set backs and those who past the magic 5 years with flying colors. and always those families who now have an angel in heaven. one person can do so much together we can do so much more! ~Holly~
Saturday, November 5, 2005 8:38 PM CST Hello, Hannah enjoyed Halloween this year! talk about the loot... sorry Julianna Banana Hannah had you beat by twice the amount spilled out on the floor. I can say it is very possible to get lost in a small neighborhood! not too lost just went farther and down hills and alleys I was not familiar with at my father in laws house. Mark went to DC alone and well I will let the news out when the time is right.. just after election day or that next week. family and some friends know this already but I am keeping this news non public for now. I will ask for prayers since the news is not good. nothing medical for anyone in the family so that is not my worry.
Prayers for thos newly diagnosed, in treatment, in remission, those having a BMT and healing from a BMT, those families who now have an angel in heaven. longer update and hopefully new pictures next week. God Speed ~Holly~
Sunday, October 23, 2005 7:33 PM CDT PROCRASTINATION, to put off delay! alrighty then... here is an UPDATED journal and picture!!! who knew working, cleaning and homeowrk, dinner, shopping and oh yeah the thing most people call "normal lives"..... coule be so busy! thankfully all doing well. after Hannah's episode of leg pain and unable to walk landing her in the ER ...I can say YES these are GRAY hairs!!! her legs are fine and it turned out to be a virus from 'hand foot and mouth disease'or a form of that same virus causing her legs to cramp so severe and that was why she was in pain and not able to walk and as quick as it came it left just as quick.
A few Doctors were a bit upset that they never checked her electolites while in the ER and started a full IV many hours sooner not after midnight and only to draw labs. she should have had electrolites done and an IV of fluids run this would have helped her out. she probably was a bit dehydrated with the unusually warm day/evening we had for the walk and wearing a long sleeved patient hero shirt she would not change for nothing, did not help the virus. she is loving school and looking forward to Halloween. sadly the house is not overly decorated..slowly! we did get the perfect pumpkins the other day and I told her this week we would carve em up and make seeds so I'm sure the'll bug me until they have hot fresh and way too salty for me seeds to munch on!
not a whole lot to report on around here.... working more than I wanted to but makes pay day nicer. praying this bird flu can be stomped out or a vaccine is made and soon! I never get the flu shots (too scared..) Hannah Blake and Mark all do I get bronchitis most of the time when I do get really sick or a bad case of infected sinuses that last.. so I SHOULD get the flu shot however the pediatrician said when they have a bird flu vaccine GET IT everyone GET it this looks like it will turn into a pandemic. I just read in the paper that this started in indonesia and they knew for over TWO years but never reported it until it killed 3 people then they said OH I guess it can travel to humans we better tell someone..YOU THINK??? I'm getting weird about eating chicken now... I did go throught the no beef when mad cow was first out....maybe going vegan would not be so bad.. except for the ones I have an allergy to! LOL!
I keep checking on 'my kids' around caring bridge so your not forgotten even when I do not update here or sign there I am reading and checkin in. I do have to walk away time to time after reading heaven has more angels and that list sadly is still growing. I was reading the parents of kids with leukemia page and was delighted to know I'm NORMAL... (alright that can be debated later...LOL) I am not the only mother after her child was diagnosed and in remission to feel after effects...anxiety, panick attacks, depression...forgetting things..like what was I in here for,, what Dr's appointment! OOPS!.... I think this is a common after effect of parental PTSS! they talk of after effects from chemo for the kids and teens what about the parents!!?? we may not have had the chemo but suffered afterwards of mental exhaustion near nervous breakdowns and now constant worry and checking every sniffle and bruise always in the back of our minds and always will be. moms are not the only ones suffering this many dads out there too feeling the same. I was lifted up with the fact through caringbridge all things are possible!!
The help and support one gets from diagnosis to remission and even those families who now have angels have others going through the same thing and can support each other.. SUPPORT.. a wonderful thing to have. I know I leaned on my caringbridge family many times during Hannah's treatment and after.. even now ME going through my panick and depression and excessive worry I still find support and comfort here and answers and explainations from others who have been down the road before us. even suggestions of what to ask the Doctor or home remidies to help when medicines just don't seem to do it. some days I feel like not getting dressed.. Hannah does get bothered when I don't get out of my jammies.. I think she thinks if I get dressed we may go shopping!! the girl is going to be a shop~o~holic!! looking at her genes on both sides if that's all she ends up with on the ~O~holic side AMEN! if I sound stressed or 'out there' and confused.. SORRY.... been having major bumps on the road of (my)life...... medically Hannah is doing GREAT! after her counts came in from the ER her platelets rose from 213 to 310!!! so her system is working as it should and fighting off those infections as they come.. a few colds and a sinus infection and some allergy issues we have a hold of.. now as for the throat we just watch and see, so far no more tonsilitis.
Hannah and I took part in the blood banks October top 20 donor group luncheon again, Hannah decided to show the shy side and not speak... I changed it up a bit and decided most everyone knows Hannah's story by now and her story was in thr program so I was sent an email story about the Seattle's special Olympics: the meaning was that people do pull together and help like here with caringbridge families and when our children were diagnosed humanity was there.. people pulled and helped... I'll type some of the story:
9 physically and or mentally disabled waited at the starting line of the 100 yard dash.at the gun they all startedout, not at a dash but with a relish to run to the finish line and win. all that is except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled and fell then begain to cry. they all slowed and looked back... then they all turned around and went back... every one of them. one girl with down syndrome bent down and kissed him and said this will help make it better. then all nine hooked arms and walked together to the finish line. everyone in the stadium stood, the cheering went on for several minutes. people who were there still tell the story.. why? because deep down we know one thing; what matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. what matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course. we may be able to change our hearts as well as someone else's.
a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle! :)
I will update again after Halloween/ fall Harvest and by then I will be in better spirits...~no pun intended~! I think I have a picture up in the photo section of Hannah in her Halloween costume.. if not I'll get it posted later in there. please keep those in prayer fighting, newly diagnosed, in remission, going through a BMT and healing from one and those families who now have an angel in heaven. pray for our service men and women and for these diseases to be cured. God speed ~Holly~
Thursday, October 6, 2005 8:06 AM CDT Hello ...please forgive this short update..Hannah's LLS light the night walk went well >she made $1,000.00!!< whooohoo!! she was having a great time enjoying the fun and just before the walk began she complained of her legs hurting.. with having a full day sinus troubles with a cough I figured all the playing she just did she was just tired and not in the mood to walk a whole lot so Mark carried her on his shoulders for the first lap and all semed well. when he went to put her down the second her feet touched the ground she started really crying out in pain about her legs and collapsed trying to stand on them??? at firts I thought she was taking her being tired to the max and when we tried to stand her up and do the 'bribes' thinking she was just tired she shook and cried out more in pain and said both her legs all over hurt and she would fall down crumpled as if her legs would not hold her up. well 2 minutes was all I needed and off we went to the Children's ER.
we had a few of our walkers in tow so Blake and his friend Jesse and his Granma Pat sat in the main lobby to wait for us. the ER was PACKED! I knew we were in for a long night.... when we were called back they did the triage assesment and put her in a back room full of mostly asthmatics ER and life flighted in kids so we knew again it would be a long night... after the first Dr saw her and said they would draw labs and maybe start an IV we waited...another Dr same thing draw labs and waited.... Mark took everyone home and I waited again with a third Dr. doing the same things and ruling out the menangitis (nephew has it we visited..)they never did a spinal tap just by how she was feeling and by then her legs felt better and ordered labs after another nurse came in making sure that was Hannah she needed to round up a few things and Joe her favortie PCT who was on and in the ER so then they drew labs....Joe missed it he was taking a patient up for admit.... she did well and it was after 12:30 Am by then (we got there just before 8:30 PM..) after they drew the labs Hannah drank some juice and needed to potty...good sign! however after that trip to the potty her belly was not feeling great and we headed back several more times! she got blankets and was about to fall asleep when her counts came back all are great?? her white count is up so somehting is brewing...virus and with ehr need of the bathroom so often before we left the ER I am thinking what Blake had the other day...just a bug. we are off soon for a check up after an ER vistit and wil also be waiting to hear from DR Shaw as to the bone pain in her legs and this what seems to be virus going on ..praying it is nothing more than a little belly bug or ate something that did nto sit right with the belly? alright a not so short update...
pray for those fighting in remission away from home healing form BMT and having treatments away from home, those newly diagnosed and those who relapsed as well as the families who now have an angel in heaven. GOD Speed. ~Holly~
keep praying!!! thank you for all who helped make the night brighter for the LLS walk. I never got to see her lumenary or angel Allie's....
Friday, September 30, 2005 10:01 PM CDT Hello, a few days late..sorry...here's the update >drumroll<...... Hannah's counts are GREAT! 20 months 10 days remission!! PRAISE GOD!!! Dr. Shaw even had her months in remission off....by 2 months less! we sat and figured it out to make sure we both were on the right page and we are now. she has one more clinic visit for this year on November 16 and then in January 2006 she should move to every FOUR months!! not three as I thought but 4!!! I will miss seeing everyone but not miss the drive, gas and whole days lost due to a Pittsburgh appointment and the parking (lack of parking spaces)fiasco's. though her counts are great (platelets dropped another 30,000 from 247 to 213 still above normal yeah) she is starting the barking cough again and not sure if it is sinus related or a virus in her throat again...we'll see.
Hannah came home looking like she was just exhausted and feeling crappy she told me so I took her temp and it was 101.00... Tylenol and PJ's then some soup and a movie lots of liquid and of course some mom TLC.. I hated to go off to work tonight and leave her feeling like that but she knew just lay on the couch keep quiet and ZZZZ she went. this also means a late nighter tonight with a nap mid day! I am feeling a bit under the weather and stressed out...my sister called letting me know her son in the marines is once again in the hospital this time they are checking him for spinal menangitis...CRAP... we had all just gotten together before he 'shipped' back out to finish his training in SC just a week ago! I will ask my Dr. what to watch for as well as hannah and of course search the net and make myself crazy with fear at each headache any of us get.....
Hannah's LTN walk is Wednesday October 5th or 5 days away yikes! her total is reaching $700.00 yeehaw! Thanks to those who have donated and it is not too late to donate for her walk
Hannah and I will once again be hitting the speaking enagement circut... the blood bank called for us for their October luncheon for the top 20 donor groups. anything to help thank those who donate Blood, platelets and raise awareness for the need and why it is so important to keep donating. as september ends (I was going to have green days wake me up when September ends playing...)please keep those in prayer newly diagnosed, in remission, those who have relapsed, having a BMT and recovering from a BMT, those who are fighting and the families who now have an angel in heaven. also please keep those who have been hit by all the hurricaine and storms in prayer and our service men and women. my nephew Jack for a speedy recovery and praying it is not spinal menangitis just the flu.
enjoy the new pictures for a while..when I get the other camera developed and her school pictures in I will share more pictures then. a big congrats out to Dr. Shaw and his wife ...they are expecting #3 (I hope and pray a healthy baby girl..)in March they have two wonderful boys so a little girl would be nice for them. I made Dr. Shaw Hamantashen cookies for Purim..waiting to hear back to see how they tasted and if I made them right??? the dough was not hard to make but the time to shape them fill and bake was a little more than I expected (making a circle into a tringle with filling in the middle)but well worth what I put into them.. made with sincere thanks and love. anything home-made should be that way.....well mom how did I do??? I know you were right there with me watching and helping me..the butterfly out the window gave you away. well it is after midnight and I am beat. who knew two jobs would take it all out of you.. (second job not yet started but hired and waiting!) GOD speed ~Holly~
Wednesday, September 14, 2005 6:36 PM CDT ****SEPTEMBER IS CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH****
**NEW PHOTO"S ADDED**
Hello, at last, an update! Well.. Hannah's ENT apointment went very well today. we waited a bit even though we arrived an hour early......OOOPS! I wrote the time down for 2:45 and it was for 3:45. the one resident Dr. who works with Dr. Mandell did the pre exam and questions routine so when Dr. Mandell came in it was a quick visit..yeah whatever quick in a Dr.'s office is includign a specialists. the resident saw this (warning gross content.....) gooey large hunk of wax build up blocking her right ear drum area so he got the long skinny metal stick out and went into get it.....well this is the same ear and the same hunk of wax Dr. Mandell could not get the last time due to Hannah squirming too much so I though here we go again.....Note to self......never stick anything bigger than your elbow in your ears yet see the ENT for long sharp metalic device when wax builds up!!!! did I miss something here....I know the metal thingy does work but you would think another type less dangerous device would be used??? anyway..
Hannah did not see the metal wax remover thing and he went in next thing she is flinching a bit and giggling at the same time....he was not too concerned (I was!!) he could not quite get at it so he dug a bit deeper.. no luck... sounding like last time this was done.... he grabbed another long metal (scissor like) thing and ditched the knitting needle one and Hannah saw this time.. she squirmed so he said no pain just try holding very still alright.. then he DUG in and Hannah started to cry and shake... I was on my seats edge waiting for him to say .. I have punctured her ear drum and next thing he is pulling out this long roundish hard peice of waxy goop.. how could it be hard and goopy??? I asked.... he said the fresh wax was starting to 'build up' on the old crusty stuff and this would cause her to hear in that ear lesser over time, not permanent just until the wax 'plug' was removed or dissolved. hers was nearing the dissolving medicine stage. her ear was red but he saw the ear drum and it looks great! I asked if this would cause her to itch and pull at it like she was teething or getting an ear infection and yes it could have made her feel like something was in there and her way to try and get to it would be scratch and pull at her ear.
Since the wax was removed I have noticed she listens better..LOL! the TV is not as loud nor is her CD player! she is also not screaming louder to be heard so I think the wax build up was part of her ear troubles. the allergy issues (back journal.. spider bite and trip to ER for swelling and end result infection from bite and antibiotic was given) he feels with her sinusitis (was chronic) is now well under controll he even called to cancel her allergy appointment (whoohoo!! one less trip to the 'burgh'), he feels the allergist will have nothing new for her since she already is taking clairitin daily for seasonal allergies this will help the runny, sneezy and drippy issues as for the bite we will never fully know what type but that it swelled and went into an infection so quickly we will have to watch her closely with other spider and bug bites like mosquitos.. she allready gets many of those with camping and they are large.
Tonsil and adnoids are another story... she is sleeping better and waking less with more sound sleep and staying in her bed. does he think she is experiencing periods of apnea? best guess could be however only real way is to bring her in on a sleep study maybe do 2, one when she has no symptoms of cold and allergy or throat infection and one when she is really draining coughing sneezing and or has a throat infection going on with the swollen and enlarged tonsils. or as he said one with meds on board (not contagious) and one with no meds and she is well. he said if she keeps having throat infections even non strep infections AKA tonsilitis (5 or more in 1 year) she is up to 4 already....he will consider surgery however (always a however with her) he would like to watch and see her every 6 months unless a problem occurs. with her immune system working normally and fighting infections (still takes her longer to get rid of an illness when she is sick) he feels her throat infections (tonsilitis) like her sinusitis getting better over time her throat may be just a bit behind on getting better at fighting them off.
I feel better knowing things are going in the right direction and am willing to give her throat all the time it needs as surgery would be a last option and antibiotics do not seem to help a virus so we will have to give her system time. the sleep study we will aslo wait on since they are already hard to schedule and with her in school now even going just afternoons she would have to spend the night (this is done ona weekday evening)I do not want her to be scared since the last overnighter she was sick in the ER and before that she was finishing her chemo. she was outpatient for her chest IV's to come out so an overnighter may not let her sleep real well. they want them to sleep naturally not sedated so the test is more accurate and I would be able to stay with her to ease her fear... hey how about a sleeping pill for me!! those bed chairs..oh the memories I wish to errase those are one of them! so all in all her checkup went well.
I am going to end here and update again after her Dr Shaw Appointment Wednesday September 28th. My nephew Jack is home from basic training USMC andI took him out to dinner and he could not get over the strangers walking up shaking his hand and crying thanking him... very touching to see this and moving to know our troops are supported, long overdue home, yes, but supported non the less. I am thankful for our heroes and honored my nephew is among those serving our country. Thanks Jack, you make us proud!
***please support the LLS, Donate today.. funds raised will also go help those cancer patients who have been effected by Hurricane Katrina and surrounding areas. I can honestly not immagine what we would have done if in the middle of her treatments her hospital and clinc were gone. even surrounding hospitals are suffering and these kids cannot be left with no treatemtns, blood products and other medicla supplies, please help. you can donate on Hannah's light the night site, link above. Thank you!
Please keep those in prayer newly diagnosed, those fighting this monster, in remission, having a BMT or recovering from one, as well as those families who now have an angel in heaven. God Speed ~Holly~
Tuesday, August 30, 2005 7:30 PM CDT 9/14/05 *******UPDATE AFTER ENT APPOINTMENT LATER TONIGHT*******
Hello, I am sorry Suzanne and others for waiting too long between updates! I am back to work now and the extra hours during the week spent at work leave me tired and too late to update. I also have been doing my fall heavy cleaning not spring cleaning fall cleaning . yes cupboards and drawers etc.... I sent 3 boxes of Hannah's clothes, shoes andn other things to the Salvation Army.
All the relatives from CA are back home safe and sound. I pray for those hit by Katrina and all the states effected by her storm path. my brother and his family were thinking of moving to Biloxi Mississippi.. now I wonder if they will have to rethink the move? I now have a new PC system up and running as well as my printer back!! just a switch was on to lock.. who knew! see I said I was not that computer saavvy! now to add the hug link and some tunes... new graffics and backgrounds... hmmm think I better go to PC school first! LOL!
Hannah and Blake went back to school today so I now have an official high-schooler and a Kindergartener!! Hannah was soooo excited to go to school, I did well and waited until she was on the bus (she ran inside the bus and waved by mom )then I had a few tears... HAPPY ones, blessed she is healthy once again and able to be in school. my heart breaks to read the recent losses and those who have been told time with their prescious ones will be short. I can only immagine how devistated these families are. please say extra prayers to those who have lost their battles way too young and for those who have been told they too will pass from this monster. keep their families in prayers as well. hug your kids tonight a little longer.
now that my printer is back up I will be going through some pictures from our vacation and adding them..I hope sooner than later...! I work until closing (after 9 PM EST) by the time I do cleanup and set up I get home around 10PM and all I want is a shower and bed! guess after 14 years of not working a job I am out of shape for standing 8 hours a day on hard cement floors with no breaks due to lack of scheduling and or not enough help. young kids just don't want to work today.. just stand there and wait to punch out and collect a paycheck! OH I did not just turn into my parents with that statement did I.. YES I DID! OH I am getting older.
Hannah has a busy medical month of checkups, ENT, Oncology, Allergist, dental, anf ones I am surely forgetting. not sure if she gets her EKG/Eccho on or before January or if at all since she is doing well and has had no problems with her Mosaic down syndrome, with her bad eyesight most Dr's. feel this could be the down syndrome as well as familiar or heredity. I will be waiting on her counts as well. she has afternoon Kindergarten so I will either have to schedule her future appointments for mornings or keep to latest ones available and let her miss those days. January she should skip to every 3 months so this will be less school missed as well. then again missed school during higher flu/cold seasons would not be too bad either....
I have yet to write a letter about my concerns on germs and was told as matter of fact the school day is jammed with learning and work even snack time they work. snacks have changed some since Blake went to elementary school, we now have to keep it to neat snacks and only send in enough for our child, like crackers, popcorn, etc... no drinks, they have water there. I doubt they will have time to make sure all the kids use hand sanitizers...I still may voice my concerns though. Well I need to shower and head to bed... I promised pancakes tomorrow.
Hannah will fall very short of her 1,000-1,500.00 goal for her LTN this year. we have around 150.00 collected from her angel pins and the LLS balloons. we turn in the money mid September, I was hoping she could reach bright lights status again. all funds go to the LLS and help to find cures. read the article above about the medicine that has been a breakthrough drug for Myelodysplastic Syndrome and possibly other leukemia's. proof funds collected work to find cures!
Please keep those in prayer fighting, newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT or recovering, the families who now have an angel in heaven or earning their angel wings. God speed. ~~~~~Holly~~~~~
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 10:42 AM CDT Hello, I have been trying to update for a few days and about gave up! However here I am with another update…..finally! well all has been busy camping and hitting yet another park, Conneaut, small but fun. We did spend a good portion of the day dodging bees of every kind, yikes. We were not the only ones dodging the bees.. a very common site seeing people walk along then all of a sudden contort and run around as the bees chased after them. Even a few rides were infested with them. I know it is that time of year where the bees are getting ready to do their final thing before hibernating even one final sting! Fortunately we all dodged them with no stings. We dodged rain drops as well unfortunately not very successfully….we had been on a boat ride in the middle of the lake when they started and before we got back to shore they came in bucketfuls drenching us. Hannah was sleepy so we headed back to the car and warmed her up hoping she would sleep HA! Her sleep forget it, Blake did!
Hannah was too excited to change out of her wet clothes being she had her new princess bathing suit on (even though it was a bit big) so I convinced her to at least get out of the outfit and leave her bathing suit on. She was waiting on the water slides and kiddie water area and she was NOT taking her bathing suit off until she hit the water park! The weather was cloudy most of the morning then the sun came out long enough for it to warm up then the rains hit cooling the temperature down to where we did not know about going near the water slides. After lunch we did go on more rides and passed the water park up so Mark decided since he rode most of the rides with the kids I could do the water park and get wet HMMMM, raw deal if you ask me, especially since I DON’T SWIM! I did it I went all the way up to the top tower and Hannah was looking forward to it until she looked down! Now do I really want to climb back down nine flights of stairs or do I push her down the slide praying I do not traumatize her as she slides down the slide???? Blake had made his way back up and she saw him go down and in a brief second she wanted to go down after Blake so I put her on and gave her a bit of a push and down she went!! I hurried on the next slide over and she beat me down and Blake waited to catch her and she LOVED it! However she was not going to climb back up so we headed over to the kiddie pool area. Mark decided we were having too much fun and decided despite the cooler temperatures to go ahead and join in the slides.
I missed my family reunion this year due to the conflicting schedules of both Mark’s picnic and the reunion being on the same day but the kids had a blast and we did do camping, family things this weekend. Hannah was most upset she was just shy of being able to ride the ‘big’ rides and when we went into the kiddie land she was very upset since she was a big girl. She did ride some kiddie rides and even one was too small for her so she was actually too tall for a kiddie ride! She was still mad she was not tall enough to go on the roller coaster with daddy and brother, I was very glad since I do not ride roller coasters and the picture of Hannah and I on the home page shows that! That was a kiddie coaster as well!! Had Hannah been able to ride the big coaster with Mark and Blake I would have been ‘forced’ coerced into going on it and listening to Hannah ask me please ride with me…. I would have gone and been sick! I rode a few rides that after made me feel quite queezy and green. The trip was nice and we were going to do Kennywood and Idlewild sometime this week or next however I do believe we are all ‘parked’ out!
Hannah came down Tuesday with a 103.6 fever and this was after Tylenol and Motrin were started so I knew not to wait and called the pediatricians office and was able to get both kids in. Blake was coughing and complaining about his ears and throat Hannah just had a horrible fever and sore throat..Strep…NOPE! Blake’s is general run down/let down from all the fun we had this summer and school is less than 14 days away now.. August 30th they both start back. Hannah’s is another throat ‘infection/virus not contagious just painful for her and after so many we are heading back to the ENT dr.’s mid September. I am not looking to have her tonsils removed however we now need to look into why she always is getting these throat infections and not strep, very similar but not strep. They have a new procedure for removing tonsils (forgot the name) this new way is less invasive and does not have the long recovery and pain as before with removing all tonsil and adnoid tissues as in the past. The procedure also has less bleeding after. I think if we talk about removal at her appointment we need to look into the less invasive form. I’ll keep you posted when we know. She is bouncing back more today eating and drinking as well as going to the bathroom more. Her throat is still very red and very swollen with white blistery ulcers on them as well as red spots or petichia . I see her suffering when she gets the high fevers laying around just miserable and such a sore throat I feel helpless. Knowing they can remove them and lessen her sore throats as well as high fevers may be our next option. I do not want them to do surgery on her not needed so we all must weigh the pros and cons of looking into the benefits of the surgery and if she can have it done.
Hope this update makes it in this time??? Have a safe and wonderful remainder of the summer and a safe labor day. We still have the canfield fair (labor day weekend) and Hershey Park and Waldermeer Park in Erie, we’ll see if we can make these last two? We have been busy this summer but all in good ways with few illnesses and only one trip to the ER for a bug bite with Hannah. More “normals” and now heading into Kindergarten soon with a schedule and me working …feels good! Nearly all ready for them to start school, I am sure I will shed tears watching Hannah go the first day, she’ll be excited and happy to ride the bus and I will be nervous sending her with all my fears and worries as well as being very happy she IS able to go to school. Hannah is nearing her 19 month remission date on August 21. sometimes I can’t believe Hannah has come so far and with minimum complications and or set backs then fear hits me 3 ½ more years to go then what…. Or what if? Her counts are good and she will go back to clinic on September 28 and I have a letter typed out for approval from the Principle to go over to make sure the letter will be all right to send out to kids in her class and the school. I just want to send the message of what can happen when a sick child is sent into school, it helps to SPREAD illnesses and making sure they are aware of hand sanitizers and tissues good hand washing as well as cover up a cough and or sneeze. I will be looking into the pamphlets that show and talk about proper hand washing and ways to keep germs out while illnesses are high as well as helping keep germs low by keeping an ill feeling child home. Little simple things not only to prevent but help keep germs low during school and after, this works for everyone not just Hannah.
Please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatments, having a BMT, preparing or recovering from a BMT, and those families who now have an angel in heaven. Also please help Hannah reach her LTN goal of $1,500.00 as of right now she is just around 100.00 Thank you and GOD speed. ~~~~~Holly~~~~~
Wednesday, August 3, 2005 9:46 AM CDT Hello, THANK YOU!! for the prayers for my father. the heart cath went well and showed no damage. PRAISE GOD!! all tests showed no signs of a heart attack, looks as though this could be a type of acid reflux from late (heavy) meals or late night snacking and laying down shortly after. who knew a snack food before bed could cause such pain and build up making one feel as though they were having a heart attack! with a modified diet and change in eating times he should be just fine.
Hannah, Blake my neice Kara and nephew Brandon all went to Cedar Point and had a blast!! the front picture shows just how scary the kiddy rides are!! Hannah of course is loving it, I am thinking THIUS IS A KIDDY RIDE????? HELP! LOL! I do not like 'thrill' rides water rides to a point yes, cheating death ones NO! the boys went on nearly all the death cheating ones, Kara caught a few of those but hung with hannah and I most of the day. I was glad since Kara is small and went on more rides with Hannah than me, I took pictures!!! we rode more rides than the boys due to the line waiting for the thrill rides. we took in a cooler full of food, drinks and snacks so that made the trip less of an expence....well nearly less... you have to have cotton candy, drinks after waiting in lline for a ride and the trinkets at the game booths! but to hear her laugh and see that smile while she rode those mini thrill rides was PRICELESS!
We enjoyed visiting her oncology nurse and family. we got together at this arcade and fun for all type place then went back to her house for dinner, Thanks Cathy and all the Bushong's!! the kids had a few trips to the pool in the hotel and we timed most everything just right, the distance the days to visit and do the park and swim. we had our car vandalized! guess they felt it needed a key job, coca-cola wash and a few dents to improve it's look so my 'ride' will need to be fixed to the tune of 1,178.94! had this been the van I would not bother but this was the new Durango! makes you mad that someone would do damage to a parked car and for what? they stole Hannah's princess antenna topper she got at Disney and she was upset it was gone. I will be looking for a new one at the Disney store or online, they could not see the childhood cancer awareness stickers on it?? sad, just sad.
All in All the trip was FUN. we got to Cedar point at 10:30 stayed until 11:00 PM. we only got lost twice coming back from Cathy's.. wrong turn and one of the boys sent me the wrong way... but after and hour drive we made it back to the hotel! LOL! we now have another busy weekend planned, Saturday AM we celibrate Brandons 16th Birhtday and we will be heading up to Dave and Buster's for the LLS kick off breakfast for this years Light the Night Walk set for October 5th. the kids will play games after then back home for me to go to WORK! yes WORK, I got a job inside my walmart making pretzels at the we're rolling pretzel Co. no jokes frok those of you who KNOW how I bake!!! LOL! I did very well on my first night last night no burning! the kids will go camping then the next day we have tickets to Sandcastles AND a play called DR Dolittle so we will be doing several things in Pittsburgh all weekend! THANK YOU Make A Wish for the sandcastle and theatre tickets!!!
well off to do some cleaning up and then to see my dad. the boys will be doing yard work so I am bringing dinner then I will be heading up to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates Baseball game with Mark. busy busy busy.. did I mention we still have Erie's Waldermeer park and Hershey to hit yet???? YIKES with a new job and school starting.... we may have to do hershey later before they close for the season and Waldemeer on a weekday! take care and God Speed!!! ~~~~~Holly~~~~~
please keep those in prayer fighting this monster and those in remission as well as those having a BMT and recovering from one and those families who now have an angel in heaven.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005 9:35 PM CDT
******Urgent prayers needed ASAP!*******
PLease storm heaven for my father Bob Marshall, he was taken to the Hospital last night with chest pains ,sweating, nausia & vomiting. the have him on an IV of nitroglycerin and fluids. his coloring was pale but when I got there late late (early AM) he was feeling and looking better. he will be admitted for several days and they will run tests to determine if this was a heart attack or a near heart attack due to blockage or muscle spasms. I was in the Hospital earlier that same day for heart palpitations and my panic attack came on. after my heart was checked out and I started to calm down I felt better so I am to keep on both the buspar and ativan and try to keep stress free! HA! well we'll work on it. after hearing about dad I was upset but holding my own with not stressing out between that and leaving for our trip to Cedar point this weekend. with dad in the hospital I know he will be fine and he looked better after seeing us last night. storm heaven that my dad's tests are fine and the Dr.'s can find out what's going on with my dad and for me to have less stress and no panic attacks on this trip. and for a safe trip to and from Ohio and that we have fun with no injuries or anyone m,issing at the PArk! take care and GOD Bless, Thank you all for praying for us.
Hello, PRAISE GOD!!! Hannah's platelets are again UP!!!! her counts are: WBC:5.8 ANC:2,000 HGB:12.8 Platelets:247,000 so all counts are great!!!! Hannah has hit her one year 6 month remission date!!!! she has had minor troubles since finishing her treatments so all in all she is doing very well!! PRAISE GOD!!! I was so thrilled I forgot to ask DR. Shaw about her long term percentage now that she has reached over a year and half in remission and off treatment. three and a half more years and counting!
We had a very busy day in Pittsbugh. her clinic appointmnet was for 11:30 AM so we know with the lack of parking to arrive early enough to scramble for a parking garage. good thing since we had to park in the Dr.'s lot a few blocks away and that was nearly full, we parked on floor number 8! never found the elevator so we walked down the 8 flights of stairs... exercise for the day! LOL! with the heat and humidity it was very thick out walking to the hospital. we arrived in clinic just after 11 AM. whew! we left the clinic around 12:30 and headed to our next stop, the blood bank to pick up a tape fro her January meet the donors. well they all had to come see their Hannah and make a fuss over how good she looks and how tall she has gotten as well as how much hair she now has.
after that we headed over to Grant Street for a meeting with the Make A Wish office staff so they could interview her for thier fundraiser this December. she was just tOO cute! we squeezed in lunch before heading up to the MAW office then off we went for the 2 O'Clock appointment. they also had to fuss over her and how she has changed and after her interview she (along with Brother Blakey andcousin Brandon) were able to pick from the prize closet. needless to say they all had fun! we also were given tickets to go see DR. Doolittle at the theatre (the Eddie Murphey movie hits broadway!)it's about a vet Dr that can 'talk' to the animals. by the time we left 'the burg' it was just after 3 PM! A long day for sure. I was going on little sleep as I always do before her appointments and I was also having heart palpitations... so I'll be checking into them especially if they are like they were today... many and very strong. could be my mitral valve prolaps needs looking into? anyway I think my nerves and lack of sleep and all the running and driving and parking had me stressed.
We will be heading up to Ohio Friday Morning and back Monday evening. Hannah, myself, Blake, Kara and Brandon (cousins) will be meeting up with Hannah's one oncology nurse who moved to Ohio last December. then off to Cedar Point. the trip has me in a bundle of nerves with the drive but mostly the crows at cedar point and taking three teenagers I am wondering how long it will be before we meet up after they get going on the rides. they vowed to get there at the opening and not leaving until closed... HMMM we'll see. the weather is too be much cooler (low- mid 80's) so this will be a help. Hannah is not quite tall enough for the bigger rides (nor would I let her on them!) so she and I will keep to the smaller rides and the not so thrill seeking ones. we may do the large ferris wheel... and merry go round. whoohoo as Blake said. I just want them to have fun and enjoy what summer they have left.
I had been searching for a job and I finaly got a call from the We're rolling pretzel company inside my walmart so I will be starting mid August. a few hours during the week and every other Sunday from open to close. hey it's a JOB! not the one I was holding out for but it will help since walmart is my second home... (should say my second mtg! LOL!) remember all the great organizations out there and Donate if you can. even one Dollar can help!! MAW, LLS, Children's hospital. Blood and PLatelets, get on the bone marrow registry, the tumbleweed foundation. just to name a few.
Please pray for those newly diagnosed, in treatments, in remission, recovering from a BMT or preparing for one. those who are fighting some complications. and those families who now have an angel in heaven. as well as all those who need financial help during treatments and after. God Speed. ~~~~~Holly~~~~~
PS> Happy 2 year heavenly birthday mom (she would have been 70) July 28th also Happy Birthday John, my neice Tina's fiancee. he and mom share the same birthdays.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 1:45 PM CDT THIRD TIMES A CHARM! UGH!! I hate not having better computer skills. I tried entering a long journal 2 times now and lost them both! well we enoyed a nice camping weekend near the outlet stores in Grove City PA Friday to Sunday. Hannah had a bite Saturday night from what we have no clue and her arm swelled up so when we got back home her neck was now swelling like her arm. off to the local ER, big MISTAKE, I should have just driven to Children's. after an hour of waiting we had been caled back to triage then off to fast track AKA> treat 'em and street 'em. after the physicians assistant had a look she talked to the head DR and they agreed it looked like an infection, I thought well blood test, wrong. here's a script for an antibiiotic have a follow up with her allergist and pediatrician tomorrow g'day! well the antibiotic was in her class of allergic to so they needed to write a new one and I was not at all happy with the no bllod work yet it looks like an infection. HELLO> she had leukemia what about the white count????
we went to Giant Eagle and made it just in time before they closed. Mark called my cell and asked what was up.. well IF you had answered your cell you would know! those Hannum men are about useless with cell phones... all of them! yeah I'll catch hell for that comment I'm sure..oh well if the shoe fits... wait...they don't read these! LOL! anyway, I told him things were stable and so far take this antibiiotic and have follow ups with the other DR's tomorrow. he said with the low cell coverage he would head home so I had him grabbed our stuff to bring home. yes he did leave soem things behind....but I won't go there now will I.. or will I? LOL! go ahead Suzanne laugh! LOL! so we headed home after grabbing a few things and her medicine then I headed over to the Taco Bell/KFC so Hannah could have her 'chicken on the bone' (leg) and Blake could finaly have their new grilled stuffed wrapper and I could try one of the snackers. got home ate showered and fell asleep on the couch by 9 PM!
I called the pediatrician and was able to get her an appointment so we headed over and she was not happy to be at the DR's when she was fine. after the upset of not going to her hospital now at the DR's...... they felt it was not an infection however since she started the antibiotic already keep her on it the required time and keep her on her Clairitin as well, follow up with the allergist but not much they can do with a localized large reaction. so I figured a call would do and I was right no trip to Pittsburgh to the allergists. they could offer nothing further and with no clue of what bit her not much to go on. yes this sounded like a localized large reaction and they can make ones whole arm upm to the neck swell as in Hannah's case. since the antibiotics were startred the redness and swelling were going down. so keep on the antibiotic and just watch her arm and necjk for other site gopings on and any new problems call or go to the ER etc..... best guess a spider bite, yes bad reaction localized and large however looked better with first dose of antibiotics... hmmmm infection maybe.
I am on needles and pins with not having blood drawn for her even at the pediatricians office. she will see DR. Shaw on July 27 (2 years 4 months after diagnosis to the day) you would think they should have taken a sample to see what her counts were?? so next week I will have questions and be waiting on her counts! I am wondering if the antibiotic will have an effect on her counts? we'll see. the trip was a nice one despite the rain and bugs! swimming between thunder storms and rain but we did have sun and fun. they had many things for the kids to do of all ages.. even mark enjoyed being a judge in the chicken wing cookoff and then sampled some microbrews after form a local tavern. although been soup, hot hot wings and 'strange beers' made for a long (Immodium Ad) night! not a good combo! Blake is now about done for school clothes. we hit the outlet shops while it rained Friday night and dodged the buckets of rain, lightening, and thunderstorms.
We headed back after shopping ate showered then headed out for the big Harry Potter book celibration. however their Wal Mart was CLOSED! what closed... yes closed! so we headed over to boarders but was sidetracked by the other store offering it for 17.99 vs Boarders 22.99, we all enjoyed fun and games while waiting for 12:01 and the books to be put out. the presold line was very long yet we made it out before them! the book is quite enjoyable and I am only up to chapter 17. well I am going to leave it here since the last two never made it here and I am not going to lose another hour+ losing another one. I will post after her DR Shaw appointment and before heading up to Ohio. we will be visiting her one oncology nurse while there, she had left Children's due to moving (her husband got a job near Avon Ohio) so we have not seen her in a while and are thrilled to be able to meet up with ehr and have a visit. we will be planning a trip to Erie's Waldameer park and Hershey Park and wh knows what else we can squeeze in before school starts. yes SCHOOL! Blake does not want summer to end and Hannah can't wait for school to start. she just loves it and has gone through so many pre-k and first grade work books since last year, so she is ready for school.
I hope you all have a nice cooler less humid summer! looks like some more humid heat waves heading in. We will be heading back to the camper to cool off with the AC and swim then off to the drive in movie theater. we need AC here at home!!! when we got back form camping our van sounded bad so looks like a water pump again, I hope it does not cost us 500.00 this time! I want to take the van AKA 'the beast' over the Durango AKA 'the guzzler' on the trip to Ohio. with gas prices soaring the van would be the better bet as well as offering more leg room and space between the kids. who am I kidding ...they will still fight and find a way to get on my nerves and each others! KIDS! got to love em! now where did those nerve pills go again......LOL! just to make a note and add on Hannah's goal for her team is &1,000.00 it states $0.0 but the goal never went through?? it would be so nice to see some donations roll in ..HINT...HINT.... I hope she can reach it so we do not have to scale it back... it all goes to the LLS for a cure and research any amount is acceptable even ONE dollar! if every person who stopped by (ones not leaving messages too) and left ONE dollar what an amount that would be to give to fight the cause for the LLS.. find a cure! great things have happened since last year and even one new medicine for Hannah's type of leukemia (article above links)so the money raised is HELPING to find a cure!!! PLEASE HELP HANNAH REACH HER GOAL!!! Pins are ready so let me know if you would like one for donating like last year I will send them to you for a 2.00 donation to her LLS goal. those who helped last year THANKS!!
please keep those in prayer having troubles, newly diagnosed, in treatment, in remission, having a BMT, recovering from a BMT and those families who now have an angel in heaven. prayers also for Hannah's counts to be good and her bite to cause no further problems and for our travels next weekend. God Speed. ~~~~~Holly~~~~~
Wednesday, July 6, 2005 11:05 PM CDT Hello, Bug bites, sunburn, bee stings, icecream, heat, severe thunder storms, swimming, sleeping in AHHHH the joys of summer... Happy belated fourth of July!
I tried to update a few times and had no luck! computer problems again! bummer. Hannah is now swimming with no help from floating devices or a person holding her. she is a FISH! I however have new additions to the lovely white hairs growing from my head! she just decided to jump in one day and all I heard and saw was look mommy SPLASH!!! UGH!! I was jumping in clothes and all when she popped up smiling from ear to ear in amazment "I did it mom, I swimmed all by myself! YUP! you did, WHY???? me smiling back having heart pains and breathing fast wishing I grabbed my nerve pills..... did I tell you I do NOT swim?? so me jumping in would have made the life gaurd earn his money!!!
Hannah is also learning how to strum mark and Blake's Guitars and Mark's Mandolin (why they were SOOO out of tune guys..) she just sits and plucks the strings and watches Mark or Blake play and sees where they have their fingers placed and tries hard to copy them when she plays. Hannah's Music therapist Debby should get credit.. she did let Hannah strum her guitar first! Mark is convinced she will be playing by the end of summer...like swimming I thought she would still have a floaty on..she just may very well be playing by the end of summer! well at least she will be well prepared for the miss USA competition! LOL! hey I can dream... and she is the 'Diva/Princess/littleangel/heartbreaker/ I can keep going...! OH the freckles she has from all the sun! yes, even using sun 'grease' SPF 50 every half hour! they are soo cute! nothing says cute like little freckles across ones nose, and Hannah does CUTE to a T! with or without the freckles. Hey I have freckles.. Okay I know I am WAYY past cute and have been for ... well lets just say my time of 'cuteness has passed'!
Wendy our mini 'wiener dog' once again is having seizures. she has had a few since having her spayed last year however they continued to happen more often and then last ones were more severe and 3 in a row!the vet thinks the severe thunder and lightning storms may have triggered them. all I know is we all were a bit scared for Wendy. her breathing was normal so we did not have to take her to the ER hospital thatnight and was able to hold off until the next AM. they drew blood since her heart and kidneys were fine. her liver numbers were high and this indicates a few things, she had a seizure as well as a possible problem digesting enzimes in food. so we were to keep her quiet and in a cool dark place. cool and dark not too hard to do quiet however... HELLO> Fourth of July... even during the day someone was blowing something up nearby! she did well even though the booms kept on going through the night. they drew more blood and sent it off to be further tested. we will have those back later next week or after.
Hannah has had some days of complaints, headache and leg pain, mostly in her right leg. the same one with the original briusing before her diagnosis. the headaches I treat with Tylenol same for the leg pain. so far this seems to do the trick. the headaches and leg pains I keep thinking is all the activity she has been doing from running, biking, playground, swimming (very active) making up for her lost summer. as well as the heat we have had. I tryand make sure she keeps hydrated and she does drink anything you give her so I do not think it is dehydration related. she has also been more constipated lately taking up to 3 days to have a BM. she also has bruising more symptoms she had pre-diagnosis. I just keep praying her platelets have not dropped again. I will know on the 27th! not soon enbough. I will have a list for Dr. Shaw.... I know the bruising could be from the climbing in and out of the pool as well as all the activity she has been doing this summer.
I have a prayers request to send out. a friends niece Allison went into surgery Wednesday (Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, same place Hannah is treated at)to have a biopsy and have testing to check a few suspicious areas. she has been in remission for a year from osteosarcoma. Please send out prayers to this family and storm heaven her surgery went well and the news will be good. I will update when I have more news and can share what the family will allow. I met her family just 2 months ago.
not much else to tell for now other than we are keeping busy and planning trips for camping as well as warding off bug bites, sunburn, tummy ahces from too much ice cream..(no such thing as too much ice cream!!). we have been busy making angel pins to sell for Hannah's Light the night walk. link above for online donations for the LLS Light the Night Walk, never too early to donate! all funds go directly to the LLS. the Make A Wish people called and Hannah will be interviewed in two weeks and that will be taped and played on the radio for the December fund raiser. she will also be in the Beaver County times (hey Kim...) July 20 for the Beaver County Heart and cancer Society's spread. she has a few pictures in there I'm told so those who are able to get the beaver County times here's a heads up! I hope you all have a fun filled and medically uneventful summer.
please keep those in prayers who are newly diagnosed, in remission, having and or healing from a BMT, and those families who now have angels in heaven. God Speed ~ Holly~
Monday, June 27, 2005 12:42 AM CDT Hello to all and Happy Summer!!! We have been enjoying summer (not the heat) by staying in the cool air of the camper and swimming. Poor little Hannah got her first bee sting ever, OUCH!! she was swimming around and a bee got into the pool and made it's way into her life jacket, stinging her 2 times before she got it out it stung her again on her finger and thumb! she had a dose of her allegy med and some ice along with some anti-itch cream, a popcicle and some TLC she was just fine. I on the other hand was a mess! with me being allergic I always worry when the kids get stung. I never had a problem then one day boom loaded with hives and swelling so when the kids get stung I am on worry overload... every 20 minutes....are you feeling alright, swallow for me, breathe, then I look at them for swelling all over and by then they are like leave me alone mom I'm fine! can you blame me....?
I was reading some caringbridge pages and am sickened at the investigations and others sites still having false people leaving messages and lurking! c'mon WE families who have ligit sites are here banding together so you 'wanna bees' can take a hike! we are a strong community who stick together to support those who need our support, comfort and prayers. in other words a 'family' and you are not invited to hurt MY family!!! now leave!!! now the FBI is investigating many sites and following up on leads left on guest books from other sites or emails. the cowards will be found so let this be a warning to those who have time to create trouble. when caught you can have all the time to think of what you did, behind bars!
on to more family friendly thoughts....We are keeping busy and I'm about to make reservations to Cedar Point Ohio and a few other fun filled trips. one to Wildermere (sp?) park in Erie PA just a short 2 hour drive from here so a day should do it. as well as Hershey park (yummy chocolate....hey Kim.Kody's mom I'll see about dry ice shipping some Hershey's to ya!)Ohio and Hershey are going to be a 2-3 day trip ..YIKES me alone with 2 kids.. thank goodness Blakley can read a map and navigate!! fun filled summer indeed! now where are my nerve pills......LOL! traffic, heat, bugs, driving...oh well we can handle it!
Hannah enjoyed the oncology picnic last Sunday. she was a shy 'where's Hannah banana' and not the talker Hannah when she saw all her doctors and some nurses then it hit me.. she thought she was going to get her finger poked! not to worry I told her then she found the bounce house...going home was a tear jerker.. she wanted to stay in the bounce house!!! I had directions however they were well.. not quite right.. so we drove around for a good 40 minutes then finally found it. we had fun and Hannah even beat out some boys in hockey.. where did that oen come from? Hockey..?
I need to realy get busy on her funraising for the LLS light the night walk set for October 5. for some reason her LTN site ~under Holly's site above~ is not working?? I will need to look into that and figure out why? I do have about 50.00 in donations so far.. I usually get going fully when the LLS has the kickoff breakfast later this month/next month. we did the spaghetti feast last Thursday in Downtown (OH was it HOT!!) Pittsburgh to help raise funds for the LLS but we did miss the Jello slide event, next year... anyone interested in sponsoring me to go down the slide into gallons of Jello feel free to do so! for now not too much to report other than boring summer in PA of Hazy Hot and Humid....hey who ordered the heat....! Hannah goes back to clinic July 27, 2005 so we will post again before her clinic appointment, unless we are still lost and trying to find our way back home!!!
sending prayers to Katia, Carter, Bailee, Kendrie, and many others who are dealing with some issues. please keep those in prayer who are fighting, in treatment, in remission, who are dealing with relaps, having a BMT and recovering from one. as well as those families who sadly have angels now in heaven.
congradulations Julianna 'Banana' Josephson, way to go girl.. here's to us 'big girls' and my 'sistah' graduating preschool. look out Kindergarten!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005 6:12 AM CDT
*****Happy Father's Day***** Happy Father's Day*****
Hello, WHEW! Pennsylvania found the sunshine!!!! hot, hot, hot, hazy, hot and humid. welcome summer a bit early. the pools are open and Hannah and Blake have been fishes in the pool the minute they open and only come out for me or Mark saying time to re-sungrease. Hannah and my dad participated in the relay for life this past Saturday. they carried a sign reading 'star light star bright, first star I see tonight I wish I may I wish they might find a cure for cancer tonight.' they had their picture taken for the local news paper however I have yet to see it in the paper? like anything in the news paper world things often get bumped for a more important story... >HELLO>>>> raising funds to find a cure for cancer IS important!!!!! I had to make sure dad and Hannah got there early to 'practice' and so they know what to do and when and where to walk to. the set up was about the same however they changed a few things around with the survivors walk to make it more meaningful. the day was soo hot and humid, to just stand uinder a shady spot or tent one still dripped with sweat.
We had to be there nearly 2 hours before the survivor lap started and the showing Hannah and dad what to do took all of 3 minutes so we walked around and got the lumineries (ran out of film during the survivors lap but a lady from last year who has a team took a picture of Hannah and her lumanery from last years walk and gave it to me so I will try and post that one.) dad was amazed how many people there are and how many have more than 5 years survival. his is 9 years!!! to see he and Hannah walk out together was so moving. next year she can walk all by herself without me leading her. she was sooo tired and being in all the heat made one thirsty gal as well! she was able to release the balloons with the another survivor, he is also a child not sure of his age, maybe 9-11? Hannah had a rootbeer float, snow cone, water, a few cookies, a hot dog, large dill pickle, lemonaide, more water and some more of a rootbeer float. the girl was THIRSTY!!!! Hannah has made friends in the campground and this one friend and Hannah are 'attached' from the time they wake up until we have to pull them apart to get them a bath and to bed. they would stay up playing non stop all night if we let them! Hannah refused to go to the relay unless her friend was able to come with us. I tried to explain to her 'pap' we would be gone a good bit and may not return until after 11 PM, he said that would be fine and well... we left for the relay.
Hannah and her friend hit a point every time they play together where they just had enough of each other and shortly after we got there they started gewtting into that I'm done with you stage! my sister and her kids came out to watch dad and hannah walk together so while I was busy doing running back and forth keeping dad and hannah where they needed to be my sister and her kids kept and eye on Hannah's friend. before and after when Hannah would eat or drink anything her friend decided as I ordered it she did not like anything we got to eat or drink except for the hotdog and pickle! she did drink a water since that's all that was left to choose from and I was about OUT of patience between the two of them! after the walk the girls and I helped tear down the set up so that left just tables and chairs. a storm was brewing and about to come down with high winds ao they felt it best we took everything down and away so we did. after the lady gave Hannah a gift for being such a good helper by carrying the sign and helping to clean up. her friend got one as well.
I saw the clouds and wind and knew if we were to get out before the down pours came we needed to leave NOW! We ran back to the car and just as we got to open the doors it came down with loud booms! both girls were scared and I told them it was a storm and not to worry. when I was little my grandfather told me it was the angels bowling and it was hot and that made the angels sweat so that is where rain and thunfder comes from. laugh, but it works everytime! I figured if the storm was going to keep up a Pizza and some movies would be in order for the camper. her friends pap said he may not be there when we got back so I was hoping he would be so Hannah and I could go back for the luminery service later. we got drenched going from the car to the pizza place but we got pizza and movies! now back to the camper, whew! her gram and pap were both there!! I told them all we did and the times took her picture and may be in the paper this week and here is all her things car seat and all! I then said we will eat the pizza and depending on the time and weather we would be going back down for the luminery lighting later. we ate the pizza I cleaned up and the girls went to her paps camper to play for a bit. when it came time to leave Hannah threw a fit she wopuld not go unless her friend was going!!! UGH! do we go or stay.... I knew we had to go we committed to and I was still 2 laps short of finishing my part in walking the track so I tried explaining to the gram about this being special and if they wanted to come watch they could but candles and flame would be involved so watching 2 kids with candles was going to be a bit harder. she got her granddaughters car seat and then buckled her up giving her two dollars to spend and a see you later kiss goodbye! UGH!!! did she not get the NO speach???
I knew the girls were on the last leg of walking and being together in anyway and I could not carry Hannah let alone two tired girls. I kept them amuzed and going by talking of the barbie prize they both put tickets in and said if either one of them won they could split it since there was so much in it. we all had candles and when the time came to walk the track in silence with the candles and lighted luminery her friend was complaining she lost her candle and wanted it and I whispered to be quiet and all candles were gone, she continued to complain that Hannah had one and I said Hannah is using mine she did not want hers so I gave it to the nice little boy (he was 15) since his pap just passed away and he did not have a candle! on the last leg of the lap they both started complaining and the bugs were out biting it was past their bed times and once again I spoke of the barbies so this got them to settle some what. we did check out the prize tent however nothing we put tickets in won! now I have very tired can['t stand each other girls who want nothing more than to be in bed whining! OH what fun....I knwo had it been Hannah and me alone she would have been tired but not complaining too much and this would have been more pleasant! on my way home Blake called and wanted to come back to the camper so I asked where Mark was he said sleeping so I told him I could not be to long I would beep the horn and he needed to be ready since I needed to get her friend back to her camper.
Mark took Blake to his dart banquet Mark plans runs and caters for all season as well as the pool league in the winter. he was in no shape to drive and was 'passed out' when I got home to pick Blake up. lets just say it's a bit 'strained' in the marriatal department right now. so I get Blake and next thing I know here comes Mark into the car smiling like they just got one over one me! I told him no earlier to picking him up since he was in no shape to drive out to the camper (or anywhere else including back HOME)that he should just stay put. when Blake called he was bored and wanted to go back to the camper and I said fine but we have church in the AM and if Mark is not there by the time I needed to leave he was to go to church with me and not complain. I should have known it was a set up..... so we get the friend back to her camper and the girls were both sleeping so the seperation was an easier one this time! I am glad Hannah has friends but we have got to teach her she has other friends there and she should not be attached to one and ignore the others. all in all the weekend was not so bad and the sun did shine enough that even with sunscreen on I forgot one very important and tender spot....so I sunburned my chest! OUCH!!! I should know better... I coated Hannah and re coated Hannah tols Blake to keep greasing up as well and I did use it for my arms not my calves to ankles or where my neck and chest showed. the pain was nasty the next 2 days but now it is getting ready to itch and peel I'm sure! so a boring update I know.... how wonderful and priceless that is! I will update again and with new pictures from the relay and other things we have been doing. getting ready to raise money for the LLS light the night walk. link above so PLEASE feel free to HELP!
please pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, having a BMT or waiting for one and for those families who now have angels in heaven...gone too soon. keep in mind to of other wonderful organizations as well to donate to: Tumbleweed foundation, caringbridge, Make a Wish, local children's hospitals, St. Judes, Childrens Miracle Network, the LLS, local cancer societies. thank you for all your support adn reading my 'boring' journals lately and have a safe and happy summer. God Speed. ~Holly~
Friday, June 3, 2005 10:40 PM CDT Hello, good news the Monster Links pages shall return!!! Thank you Terry!! For those who wish to add a web page please paste the following or go to (canada/julianna) and check out everyone’s favorite banana. While you’re there give mommy banana a big congratulations for earning her degree with all she has had to endure.
I give my consent and permission to Terry Josephson a.k.a. "Julianna's dad" to hyperlink from his "monster links" web page back to the web page in which I author. I understand than this may result in un authorized visitors to my web page. I alos understand that this is not a permanent hyperlinking request, and I can ask that Terry remove my hyperlink at any time as I see fit. the address that I wish to have hyperlink created to is as follows:
http://
To confirm that I am in fact the author of the above web page my email address must be visibly displayed on the web page and the email address from which this email is sent must match this address.
Name, state and providence (USA) for those in the USA
I hope we can all soon catch up and hop site to site once again spreading much needed prayers and encouragement to those we faithfully follow and lost due to caringbridge policy. I will be away Sunday through Wednesday this week. My husband Mark will be awarded the Presidency for the WPWPCA (western PA water association…) something to do with bettering the sewage and waters…….I will be there to support him and take some much needed rest and relaxation time for MOI! I will have some ‘Presidents wife’ things to do there and enjoy dinners out with people I met throughout Mark’s time with the association and it will be in Seven Springs resort so I am sure I can find some fun things to do and keep my mind off of how the kids are doing. Thanks Grandpa Bob-Bob and Granny Franny for taking care of Hannah for us and also to Pappy John for watching Blake and making sure he gets to and from school. Last day of school is June 9!!!!!
I am looking forward to some away time before Summer officially starts. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE , LOVE , LOVE, my kids however my brain is on overfried and in need of a serious break. More than an hour or two shopping alone at WalMart or doing errands while they were in school. Sound familiar?? When we come back Blake will go to his last day and it is a half day to boot! Then off to the orthodontists for Blake and then right over to the eye doctors so Blake can get new glasses and contacts. Hannah will have a checkup as well and maybe ordering her some new glasses or a back up pair. She has been very good with her glasses however I do catch her playing with them on her face like over extending the sides due to the safety springs. I think Friday we will just veg and I may get deeper into closets and the dreaded filing drawer. Then off to camping for longer than the weekends.
We have plans to visit these few places over summer: Cedar Point (Ohio), Lake Erie PA, Philly PA, Hershey PA, (I’ll be thinking of you Kody Bears mom Kim in FL) possibly the Sesame place for Hannah near Easton PA. I would like to head to Nashville to visit some family friends as well but we will have to see how our time schedules work out and ‘the bank’. I will also be busy getting ready for Hannah’s light the night walk in October. Link is posted above under Holly’s light the night walk. They messed up the name and I never had it corrected to say Hannah’s light the night. Please donate! Never too early to raise funds for a cure!!! I hope you had the chance to read the article above as well, marked NEW in red letters? Thanks Kim for posting that for me!!! Well sorry this is so long and ‘boring’ however we LIKE boring when it comes to the medical end of updates.
Please keep those in prayer newly diagnosed, in treatment, having a BMT or preparing for one, those in remission as well as those families who now have an angel in heaven. Also please donate to these other WONDERFUL organizations: caringbridge, Tumbleweeds, Make A Wish, leukemia societies, cancer societies, local children’s hospitals and even to those who have websites and ask since this disease can wipe ones life savings in one hospital stay! Candlelighter’s is another great one. Donate if you can and God Speed. ~Holly~
Saturday, May 28, 2005 6:00 PM CDT Hello, I hope not all Memorial day weekend celebrations are rained on. Hannah had her clinic appointment checkup Wednesday and all went well, here are her counts;
WBC 5.4 ANC 2200 HGB 13.1 RBC 4.25 Platelets 204.
her platelets again dropped! I know they are above the 150,000 range but not by much! the first reading was 140,000 so they went and took a closer look under the microscope ASAP! lets just say moms nerves are still shaky. all other counts are GREAT! so why can I not shake this lower platelet count or dropping steady every month platelet count? all I keep thinking about in the back of my mind is PLEASE let them be higher in July's checkup! she is not relapsing!!!! both Doctors said they are not worried she looks and feels great has counts all in normal ranges and has nothing else going on so WHY DOES MY GUT SCREAM AT ME STILL!!!! remember my 'GUT' kept screaming from December '02' with the onset of the first bruise, oh how I prayed my 'GUT' would be wrong many times... I have that same motherly instinct sick gut feeling now!
Dr. Shaw said we could run more tests and see no signs of disease and no one wants to put her through all of that especially when it is not needed and would show nothing. like back in December we could have had her blood tested and it would have shown normal cells since when they did diagnose her type after being in the hospital for 11 days her blasts count was very low around 5-10 percent total and we were told that was lucky she had a low blast count. will I ever stop feeling like this? worried even when things are well? doubtful. my emotions have been on a roller coaster lately.... I have been reading caringbridge sites and see and hear relaps, relaps, relaps...UGH! how I hate that word and anything to do with this cancer beast!!!! enough already.
Speaking of caringbridge, June 1, 2005 we should have a new and improved caringbridge as well as restriction limits lifted!!!! yeah!!! caringbridge said the new ways should have easier navigations so we'll see. I still have no clue if they will offer a master list of sites or if we will be able to go back to monster links from site to site with no restrictions. they did say the persons going to the sites should have the name of the page and that they may not offer for privacy reasons but if your a friend or relative and know the name you should be able to get to the site easier. they did send a sample of what the new caringbridge sites would look like and they are not bad. all sites made before June 1 will be classic style or the old look and the newer ones have a slight change in the address bar to get to it.
Hannah is officially graduated from preschool and will enter into Kindergarten this fall! her little program was just adorable and yes pictures should be in soon!! we will be doing a lot of camping this summer and Hannah is already looking forward to swimming. since we parked our camper just a few miles from home in a local camping ground for the year (we will pull it when we want to travel and go camping) we are set up all the time and ready to camp. Blake's last day will be June 9 and he already said he is moving into the camper! OH how nice it would be to have TY Pennington (HINT HINT) come and send us away and rebuild our house!!! hey TY....BULLDOZER!!!! to repair or rebuild takes time and money and we never seem to have either!! I just looked on the callendar for June... not many days left unscheduled for something going on!
Mark, Blake, and pappy John are away this weekend enjoying the Lowe's speedway Nascar races..WHOOHOO! not my thing at all! car races seem boring to me (Sorry to those who like Nascar and car races!!) and the speed and noise just does nothing but scares me! the WHOOHOO! is for the fact we have GIRL TIME!!!! NO STINKIN BOYZ!!!! we went to the drive inns and saw Madagascar with Kicking and Screaming, both movies were funny. Hannah fell asleep half way into Madagascar, she likes the movie and laughed throughout she was just tired and the movie got a later start. she slept away while I watched the movies and I felt bad but I had to wake her to make a girls room visit, too many waters and bladder buster diet pepsi... she told me she needed a snack from the snack bar for me waking her up..hmmmm this girl can work it! DRAMA QUEEN...I smell an Oscar in her future!!!
Hannah had her snack, Pink/Purple cotton candy (Fairy Floss in Australia...)and after eating just a bit she was crying I'm sticky....so I grabbed some paper towel with water and got the stickies off and soon she fell back to sleep. oh the fun of the drive inns, I'm glad I can take my kids and share some of what I did from my childhood. I hope they never close the few that are left down.... too many memories for families made at the drive inns, bring your own snacks (shhhhh, we still buy stuff off the snack shack) PJ's blankets and pillows, NO I am not wearing my PJ's that would just be ...as Blake says...WRONG! I do wear comfy clothes. the local Bruuster's Ice cream has days were one can get free ice cream for wearing ones PJ's or other fun days and I wonder if the drive inns will do this??? Hannah was upset this morning when she saw her cotton candy.. the lid was not tight and well it shrunk up to a hard crusty ball of sticky yet she went ahead after lunch and ate it, YUK!
please keep those in prayers who are newly diagnosed, relapsed, in treatment, having or had a BMT and those families who now have angels in heaven. pray also for researchers and doctors that they will find cures for this dreaded monster. peace out ~Holly~
Tuesday, May 17, 2005 3:21 PM CDT Hello, sorry for the delay in updates.. busy busy busy here! where to start... Well Mother's day I was presented with a chocolate rose attached to a certificate for an 'ultimate massage" pkg. WOW! can I go now... and do I have to return??? so I am planning very SOON a retreate for just me, 3 full hours of pampering... gee what to do .....OH YEAH relax and enjoy!! I have been keeping busy and getting ready for the fashion show Hannah and her dad took part in. let me tell you.. (Photo's will be added later..) seeing Hannah in the gown before the show just to see if that one fits was moving.. fast forward to the night before the show....7:00PM I was at the Holiday inn helping set up until after 2:30 AM!!! back to the camper (we have been camping nearly every weekend..) get to bed wake at 7 AM get Hannah and I ready, get to Holiday Inn at 10 AM, Mark and Hannah on stage at 10:45 AM to practice. I made the mistake of listening to Vanessa Campagna doing her sound check and practice just before Hannah and Mark had to get up to practice and talk about tears!!!! Vanessa is an AWESOME singer and the mistake was in the fact I was not prepared to hear such a moving song about daddy's little girl.
Hannah did a wonderful job during the show and to hear 300 people (mostly women) sigh all at once AWE how sweet, how cute.... and to see her looking beautiful and healthy, well let's just say I needed the whole Kleenex company to wipe the tears away! as well as seeing the pride in daddy's eyes and the waiting and look on Hannah's face while Mark did his modeling and then twirling Hannah and walking together back up the runway. like I said not a dry eye....thank goodness for waterproof mascara! after Mark and Hannah were done and all the models came out at the end Mark and Hannah got out of the dress clothes and into 'street clothes' and headed back to the camper. mark said Hannah was out before they left the parking lot! a long day for Hannah. to see her face after I curled her hair and held her to the mirror PRICELESS! then to see her twirl and watch herself in the mirror while she was wearing the gown acting like a princess....PRICELESS.
I enjoyed my first taste of Asti Champaigne...not bad and not for me... 2 bottles later *hiccup* not alone mind you the other gals who were the committees helped! we got all the leftover things and clothes packed up and headed home around 7 PM. I got to the camper ate packed up went to the campfire and froze! so off to home Hannah and I went, showered and hit the pillows around 11PM and never woke up until my sister called at 7:30 checking to see if we were still going to see her son Jack being sworn in to the USMC. I was like well sleeping sounds better but I did promise so up and off by 9 AM and picked Kim and her kids up headed up to Pittsburgh at the federal Building, was scanned and checked in and left there around 12 noon. I did cry seeing Jack leave and watching the preverbial apron strings cut as we headed out. What an emotional weekend! we grabbed lunch with mark and by the time lunch was over and I got Kim and her kids back Hannah had missed school! so we headed for home and by 8 PM I was having a panic attack! think the overload, lack of sleep, emotions and all that will be going on in the next few weeks just cought up to me! I took a pill grabbed a shower and proceeded to get sick as a dog, headache and all! YUK! Hannah and I were both asleep by 10! guess we need to learn the slow down thing... yeah right!
Next Wednesday she has her clinic appointment and that is also the last day of school, she will graduate from preschool that evening... GOT KLEENEX & camera's! she is officially registered for Kindergarten. Friday she will be doing a trike~a~thon to raise funds for ST. Jude's Childrens hospital. June will be a busy month as well, June 11 she will be the 'official flag bearer' walking out with a flag leading all the cancer survivors in their lap and this year my dad will walk beside her! talk about more KLEENEX! we have a few places we will be heading to this summer, Ohio's Cedar Point amusement park and possibly Hershey amusement park as well and even Sesame Place on the way back from Hershey. then we have to kick it in High gear for her Light The Night Walk for the LLS. anyone wishing to donate, walk or help out in anyway PLEASE EMAIL ME!!! it is never too early to donate or help. I will have a freind of mine post a link here on an article that was out in the local Pittsburgh Post Gazette on a new drug for Myelodysplatic Syndrome ~MDS~ the type of Luekemia Hannah had. they used the drug initially to help lessen the need for transfusions as often and found it was putting the disease into a 'deep remission' and knocking out the cells causing the 'bad blood'completely! what awesome news... they used the words this drug could very well eradicate the disease.the drugs name is Revlimid, the way the drug works is being compared to the drug Gleevec and how it works in CML. keep and eye out for Revlimid....Great News in the medicine world and researching cures for cancer!! keep them donations going.
Well that's about all for now with Hannah and the family. just keeping busy and getting ready for summer, and the nice weather summer should bring.. not this cold crap we have been having. please keep those in prayers who are newly diagnosed, in treatment, healing from a BMT or preparing for one and those families who now have an angel in heaven. God speed ~Holly~
Friday, May 6, 2005 8:12 AM CDT Moms: A beautiful tribute to our mothers.
For those who are fortunate to still be blessed with your Mom this is beautiful. For those who aren't, this is even more beautiful.
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way? she asked.
And the guide said "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."
But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years.
So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog and do their homework and brush their teeth.
The sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."
Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, A little patience and we are there."
So the children climbed, and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world. Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all...... unconditional love.
And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."
The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children."
And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide.
And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after them."
And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."
Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, and Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every teardrop. A mother shows every emotion.......... happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...............not even death! Moms: A beautiful tribute to our mothers.
For those who are fortunate to still be blessed with your Mom this is beautiful. For those who aren't, this is even more beautiful.
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way? she asked.
And the guide said "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."
But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years.
So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog and do their homework and brush their teeth.
The sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."
Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, A little patience and we are there."
So the children climbed, and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world. Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all...... unconditional love.
And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."
The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children."
And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide.
And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after them."
And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."
Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. A mother shows every emotion.......... happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow..... and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...............not even death!
Happy Mother's Day (#2 in heaven for you mom) Love, Holly
Friday, April 29, 2005 1:01 PM CDT Hello, OH the weather we've had! sunny and warm nearing summer temps and cooler nights...then cooling days and SNOW!! YUK! cold rain and cooler air yes for spring weather in PA but APRIL SNOW! at least it was after Hannah's birthday! all is well here, just keeping busy and getting more excited about the fashion show Hannah and Mark will be in May 15th. Hannah's Gown (I'll be sure to get pictures...)is a pale Purple with a fitted top and flowing bottom all one gown not seperate. when she tried it on I had tears in my eyes and I am sure watching her and her daddy walk down the isle together should be very cute and picturesque but quite tearful!
I was checking into summer camps for both Hannah and Blake to go to and remembered camp courage for cancer kids and siblings...WELL, they changed the age this year from 5-6 so neither Blake or Hannah will be going :( Blake can't go unless Hannah is a at camp so maybe next year. I will try to go to the kickoff picnic for it combined with the candlelighters and oncology picnic however it is on Fathers day! Blake was not thrilled with the idea so by checking into it further I can see how the camp runs. I am sure he will be with his age group and other kids who's siblings have/had cancer. I thinkm that would be nice for him to connect with other kids both his age and who have also dealt with the sibling having/had cancer. Hannah will be older next year and maybe more geared to going to camp (at least I will try and be ready for her to go away to camp) I'm sure both kids once there will love it and have fun.
Hannah has her Kindergarten registration Thursday May 5th (Happy Cinco De Mayo) so we are excited for that! she is looking forward to riding the bus. I had her hearing checked again since the one done at preschool showed some concern with her right ear and flat tympanic tones??? her hearing is fine and even with a little piece of wax in front of the ear drum she passed. the ENT said it could have been many things the day of testing that gave her the off reading in the one ear so she is good to go! her next clinic appointment will be May 25th and I have some questions over her bruising, ulcers and petechia she had last week ak=long with the drop in platelets. yes, the counts were redone at the local hospital and found to be 210,00 and I understand that 'glitches' can happen between one system to another (Dr.'s office VS hospital)but why the same symptoms since October??? I know nothing to worry about BUT I worry and probably always will!
Hannah has just 10 days left of school finishing up on May 25 (she goes Mon-Wed-Fri 12:30PM-3PM) May 25th is her final day of school with a graduation ceramony in the evening as well as her clinic day so she will be busy and tired the end of that day! Friday the 27th will be her school picnic and then summer vacation for her!!! Blake has about 24 days left with 3 half days and 2 days off yet so his summer vacation starts June 10th with his school picnic June 13th. I can't believe summer is nearly here and school is almost over! time...where did it all go?? reading that makes me stop and think... enjoy all the time we are given with loved ones! reading web sites lately has become so sad.... many families children gaining angel wings.
Hannah's LTN (under Holly's LTN walk) is up so please feel free to donate now, never to early to donate! we would love to exceed out goal this year too! I am keeping busy with the Angels R Us and Beaver County Cancer society and looking forward to getting a support group out there in Beaver County. I have many ideas and my mind just never stops.. I spoke to my therapist about being involved in a suport group and he said that would be great for me in many ways and he or his wife could help with literature and other things, maybe being speakers??? see my mind... keeps going... could this be my calling?? I did LOVE my psychology course and made all A's so??? who knows, I do love to talk and listen guess I have the mind for that so how come I can't seem to 'fix' or take my own advice for my situations...???LOL! there's a sayin for that just can't remember it now. Hannah had a field trip to Tumbleweeds Gymnastics and OH did she love it! she is bugging me to let her go and she is the right age and mind set to want to go. I am not liking the prices.... but she did LOVE it so looks like she will be going to one of the summer programs this year.
Please continue to pray for those newly diagnosed, in treatments, in remission, recovering from a BMT or preparing for one and most of all for those families who now have angels in heaven. God Speed ~Holly~
Monday, April 18, 2005 8:53 PM CDT Hello, WOW! What a scare Hannah gave us with her counts...all is well with her counts and it was deemed a 'glitch' in the system. Hannah had a wonderful birthday and no one was sick after, being Hannah was not and is not sick..just allergies! WHEW! I thought I would have to call all the mothers of the girls who came to the party and Kim to let them know Hannah was sick after her party! YIKES! false alarm. the allergies are bad this year since the pollen is high and we have had no rain..yet. beautiful weather for spring, warm days and chilly nights.
We have been going camping on the weekends ejoying the new camper and biking and other outdoors stuff. Hannah even went fishing!! Mark let her play with the worms and helped her to 'hook em' YUK WORMS! I tried to do the princesses don't touch worms routine but she was daddy's girl when it came to fishing. I said you are on your own when it comes to fishing, I don't do it nor do I bait hooks and touch worms (I can't even stand to look at them!). lets hope there will be no disecting of worms in nursing school.... someday.
Exciting news... first I forgot to mention a huge CONGRADULATIONS to my neice Tina and her fiancee John. they were engaged over St. Patricks weekend. now on to bigger news.. "Princess" Hannah and her dad (Mark) and I will all be in a fashion show May 15th to help fund Angels R Us, along with the Beaver county cancer and heart association this will help families in Beaver County who's children have been diagnosed with cancer. I am glad to have become part of this wonderful organization and group of wonderful people. I feel with being involved I can help to give back more and help others out like we were helped when Hannah was first dignosed. Thank you Karen K. for introducing me to Tracy, we really hit it off and I hope I can help them out.
I should not mention this until it is confirmed but with my 'big' mouth I am sure it will become a reality. while becoming involved with Angels R Us and entertaining them with some funny stories I mentioned how a support group would have been comforting while Hannah was in treatments (I relied on Caringbridge and still do and will always, it is a family in here...XOXOXO)I was told I should run a support group and since Beaver County does not have one for families who's child has cancer this could be the start of a good thing. a lot of work YES, but much needed since over 40 families in Beaver County alone have a child with cancer (or a child who sadly has passed from cancer). I do have many ideas for a support group and speakers I would love to have come out to aide in information and explainations of types of cancers and treatments. I could go on and on but I will stop for now and when I have something set up I will let you know. now if I can get Purell (or another hand sanitizer co.) to sponcer it and provide mini sanitizers....
April and May are turning out to be busy months indeed. I like it a bit busy since that helps keep my mind busy and my anxiety low! as long as I can balnce busy and low stress then lose my weight I gained back... still doing well but I am seeing the Disney trip and all the ice cream show up now....HMMMM back to Curves 3 days a week and no breaks until summer! YES, Suzanne YOU too! I let the slacker in me come out for too long and we are both missing out on the fun and benifits Curves gives us and talking time! LOL! I also found my chocolate craving back.... I can do so good then boom this part of my brain stops cold until chocolate is in my system. only caffeine I have in me!
I am still waiting on Caringbridge to have this 'master list' for caringbridgers so we can once again share sites. I miss many kids I was going to daily to pray for and would like to have that monster link back from Julianna Banana's site her dad Terry faithfully kept up and added to for those of us non computer literate caringbridgers. Thanks Terry and congradulations to mommy banana on her last tests!! way to go and keep that bunch going! well it is getting late and a shower and bed are calling to me, so is laundry but I think shower and bed will win out. nothing like fresh air to bring out the sleep in you... or is it the pollen bringing out the stuffy nose to where you can't breathe well making you sleepy... either way I am tired and have running to do tomorrow.
Please pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatments, having and recovering from BMT's, and most of all for the families who now have angels in heaven. Link will be up soon for Hannah's Helping Hero's team for the LLS Light the Night walk. the date is Wednesday October 5th 6 PM. those of you from Pittsburgh and who would like to help Hannah out or walk email me and we will get you signed up! anyone know how to add a midi player for songs here and those cute give a hug counter.. I am not getting how to add those at all! maybe nursing school should wait and computer school should be a better idea? I'll sleep on it a while. God speed ~Holly~
Monday, April 11, 2005 7:55 PM CDT *****Happy 5th Birthday Princess Hannah Jane Hannum*****
Hello, What an eventful 5th Birthday Hannah had. started off with being woken up and dressed in a hurry all before 8:30 AM off to the Dr.'s to see if her sore throat was strip or?? I was thinking please do not let it be strip since she just had several little girls and a boy over for her party Saturday!!! well no stip but the colors out of the nose have been pretty greenish yellow (sorry for that description Suzie) the Dr. told me her red dots on the throat and tonsil area are not dots but ulcers..UH OH.....then she has bruising on her shins....and back with petichia....ok stop now I am going to be sick!!my head was spinning my stomach and head were going to explode... I prayed waiting for the blood test to get back it would be good numbers....well most were but her platelets dropped again and this time under 150, to 130,.....GOD NO>>>>> please NO let this be a mistake it is her birthday... she is doing so well.... just please not her.....
We were given a blood slip to go and have her blood drawn at the local hospital. I called my girlfriend Suzanne (THANK YOU!!!) and asked if she was ready for the day and she laughed no why... then I broke down... asked her to please go to the hospital with me while they drew Hannah's blood. she was over at my house within a short time and I drove Hannah before that to McDonald's for her big pancake breakfast she was starved for. she ate most of the pancake and eggs, a bite of sausage and biscut and all of the orange juice. while she was eating that and Suzanne came I lost it again but pulled it together for Hannah. I called Mark and he said he would clear his schedule and meet us at the hospital. Suzanne asked Hannah if she had to potty (thank God she was using her head...) well Hannah I realized had not yet gone potty at all, she hits that first thing from bed and since we were in a rush this morning and she got poked at the Dr.'s I figured she would have to go... NOPE.... well more worries no output..... we got to the hospital gave the insurance info and waited for her number to be called for the blood draw. I prayed they would get it on the first try. Mark came and shortly after they called us back.
Hannah grabbed my hand tighter as we walked in to the lab and when she saw 2 ladies waiting for her she started to fuss she knew what was going to happen next, poor thing, and on her birhtday! Mark held hertight and between Mark, the 2 ladies and myself we got Hannah to hold still long enough for the needle to get in and Thankfully only one stick!!! Praise God!!! Hannah began to laugh that it was over and the pinch was done and watched the tube fill up. the one tech saw it was Hannah's birthday and started going through the drawers and cupboards looking for fun things to give Hannah for being brave and turning 5 today!! she got her special taped up arm and 'loot' then off we headed to wait at home for the results. since they would not be back before preschool I let her go there and pass out her treats and enjoy her birhtday at preschool. a beautiful day we had and how she enjoyed the outside. I called the Dr.'s office around 1:20 PM and they just got the fax in with her counts and the woman asked why they were done? were they looking for mono or what? I said she had luekemia and her platelets were dropping so with her office visit today and other signs not pointing in a good direction he wanted her to have a CBC with all the works run. she said well I am not allowed to give them out before the Dr. reads them but I can tell you the platelets are fine and 'unofficially' 210,!! Praise GOD!!! what a relief!! then all these questions popped up like how could they drop and bounce back in such a short time in one day?
I wrote down my questions and concerns and called Mark with what I knew and told him I was still waiting on the official word from the Dr. and they were probably faxing them up to Dr. Shaw. he agreed things seemed funny with the counts dropping and he too wanted more answers. I emailed Dr. Shaw and am waiting on a reply. he should get back ASAP unless he is out of town. I know I will breathe much easier when I hear it from him and have her counts done at children's! Hannah has an ENT appointment Wednesday and Dr. Shaw's clinic days are Wednesday so I may pop in and see what they want to do or if they want to do more labs on her then just to see what is going on. she has a virus that is heading in to a sinus infection and or ear infection. just not enough to have an antibiotic called in. UGH! Hannah has had a very full and busy day so I am sure she will sleep good tonight! I know my worries are still too fresh to sleep yet I am exhausted! my emotions and mental state are shot! being told once she has leukemia was devastating but thinking about the other 'r' word that I know of many who have been told this was just so scary. I know she would be heading into transplant had she come out of remission and that just scared me to death! I pray for all those who have had BMT and cord blood transplants and ones yet to get them. the list of worries going in to transplant and for a long time after is mind numbing. her input and output are fine, she did go potty several times and told me she went after the hospital trip when she got home. she did go several times where I made sure she did go!
I wanted to type all happy thoughts here today and how great today and the weekend went (the weekend was beautiful and Hannah had so much fun!) today other than the needle and finger sticks was a good one for Hannah. we enjoyed dinner out and ice cream and cake with more singing and presents. We came home and the kids played outside and listening to Hannah and Blake laughing and running around outside free of worries and being kids made me relaize this is a great ending to today! happy thoughts, healthy kids, at home enjoying life free from hospitals and needles. Thank you for answering my prayers today. thank you to all my family and friends (big hugs and kisses to you Suzanne and thanks!!) as well as the caringbridge families who I know will keep Hannah in prayers for continued remission and for her virus to go away and for answers into why her counts were so messed up and for the Dr.'s to figure it all out.
Please keep those in prayer today that are newly diagnosed, in remission, having BMT and waiting to heal after. also for those who now have angels in heaven. keep those in prayer who have been told no more can be done(way too many!) and pray the families may have peace knowing their child will no longer suffer and be cancer free (fly free Benjamin J.). I leave you all with words to a wonderful song that for today or any day seems fitting. never take a day, a minute, a second for granted for this may be the last you have with those you love. God speed ~Holly~
You Raise Me Up
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
Josh Groban
Wednesday, April 6, 2005 11:43 PM CDT ***UPDATE IN PHOTO"S**** NEW PHOTOS" on photo page*** I did it I got the computer fixed and was able to upload the pictures!! hooorayy!! I hope you all enjoy these ones as I will try and update many many more from Hannah's Awesome MAW trip to Disney!
Hello, I am trying a word document and saving that since I just spent the last hour doing an update to lose it! The time spent trying to find it was longer than the time it took to journal. UGH!! Hannah is excited about her birthday (Monday April 11) and her Princess and the Pauper party on Saturday. She is counting down the days, 3 more to go then we can celebrate her ‘birthday weekend’ as Mark calls it. She wants me to make her many things for her school snack on Monday and I think I will be making chocolate chip cookies and sending in grapes and cheese chunks along with them. The school likes healthy snacks and does allow for special treats on birthdays however April has been a busy birthday month and cupcakes are often too messy or wasted. Hannah helped me to stuff the Pin`ata yesterday, I was going to wait until Friday but she kept bugging me until I let her! She also found a not so well hidden gift so she got that as well, what a little ‘stinker butt’ as her one nurse Ben used to call her. He was the only one allowed to call her that in the hospital, he is no longer there and this makes our visits to 8 North sad and empty.
I signed Hannah up for Kindergarden today!! I called to have her listed and while I was giving all the information the woman taking down the name heard our last name and screamed OH WOW! How is Hannah doing?? How’s Blake and everyone? Turns out it was the elementary school secretary, she remembered Blake and that I was pregnant with Hannah and had her when he was in third grade and followed Hannah’s story since she found out about her having leukemia. My father in law was a school teacher for Blackhawk and he knew many of Blake’s teachers and kept in touch with quite a few teachers since he retired. When Hannah was diagnosed Blake was in another elementary school and getting ready to move on to the middle school (or Jr. high) with the connection throughout the schools Blake’s first elementary school found out soon after her diagnosis and sent cards of concern. The connection through the schools reminds me of the connection here at caringbridge, although lost right now I pray we have that back soon. Many of the caringbrdge families are in need of prayers right now and many of us are lost without our links to others pages.
The troubles with NEW vehicles, the camper is in the shop for furnace repair and a few other minor fixes and our Dodge Durango is going back tomorrow for trip # 5! The first one was to install a break for the tow package this time and the others is to try and repair or figure out why the airbag lights keep coming on. The lights come on when no one is in the front seat and when an adult or older child is there. When the lights are on the airbags will not work, I am really tired of having to return with the same problem and so is the manager of the repair shop! I can expect some repairs on an older car but brand new ones NOT! Now lets add the dog losing her whole toenail and that makes for a full week of repairs! Wendy lost her nail yesterday and to our best guesses due to the chain she is tied out with or foot scraper. I called the vet and he said this is common for dogs to lose the whole toenail getting caught on something and not to worry just make sure the bleeding has stopped and watch for infection. She may limp for a bit but if the liming gets worse or she will not leave the paw alone come in and then we can give her an antibiotic. Well looks like tomorrow she will be going in since she needs carried inside and out and can’t jump up or down from things. She is so sad looking at you for help and you know she is in pain. We will also inherit for about a month my dads old lab sambo (bo-bo) , he and Wendy play even though he is older and has arthritis and now Wendy will be down for a while. Sam can’t play much anymore since they took his medication off the market just like peoples it caused heart problems. In humans I can see but for older dogs… sounds more humane to let them be out of pain and move around and pass on in their sleep than have them suffering. I am speaking of the dogs.
Blake and Mark will be gone for the afternoon party Saturday since the camper is done they will pick it up and take it to our rental spot at a local campground. I feel like I have so much to do and not enough time to get it all done in before her party Saturday. I know it will get done and the party will be great rain or shine! I am hoping shine so the kids can go play outside some. One thing about Pennsylvania’s springs you can have ALL 4 seasons in a week! Hannah wore her snow gear & boots Saturday & Sunday then back to sneakers and sandels now rain gear! With spring summer is sure to follow and that brings, sunshine and warm weather, bugs, swimming, biking, bugs, cook outs and did I mention bugs?? Ahhh yes, BUGS! They are starting to show up here and there, ladybugs (sorry Katia, they are still bugs..pretty bugs..) came out first and I am seeing wasps and flies so the bees will be next, darn bugs! Today while I hosed off Wendy’s blood from the porch I saw some nasty wood roaches, OH I hate those! Makes me feel all creepy and crawly under my skin. So close to the house! Good thing they seem to stay away but spring and fall they are seen more often. Hannah has gotten 6 birthday cards so far and is back to asking if she has mail every day. Wait until the Disney package arrives later this week (maybe tomorrow). I hope it comes when she is in school Friday since 4 more birthday gifts will be in there! She is a bit nosey and very detailed in remembering things (gee wonder where she gets that from…he he he). now I know how she figured out and found her one gift, took her shopping and thought I could sneak one in the buggy but she was looking and asking for it later and found it! Guess the days of shopping and hiding gifts while she is with me are over. Well long enough journal and I am tired since this is the second time I am typing this.
Remember those newly diagnosed, in remission, fighting, having BMT’s and recovering, and for those families who now have angels. Please remember tumbleweed foundation is still in need for the emergency family relief fund. Also, donate if you can blood and platelets and to Make a Wish, leukemia society, just to name a few. ~Holly~
Thursday, March 31, 2005 0:06 AM CST Hello and Happy Spring! we had some very nice weather today here in PA. I hope the trend continues, I am ready for warmer weather. Hannah is counting down the days to her 5th birthday!! 12 more. we will be having a Princess and Pauper birthday party form Barbie, she will be having all the girls from preschool and a few other friends. April 9th will be a busy weekend for sure! Blake just cannot wait for school to be over, sorry but still have another 2 and a half months left!
Mark and Blake enjoyed visitng VA and Hannah and I enjoyed the quiet! she missed the boys and would ask about them daily or make me call them so she could say hello then hang up! Blake and Hannah made up for lost time and less than 2 hours after the boys came back all I heard was get her off of me, she did this Blake did that.....UGH! I am ready for a vacation!! I love the 'normal' ... what was I thinking.. kids 8 years apart...!!! I am looking around and my once neater house is now looking a bit messy again.. I can tell the boyz are here again.....they leave end of May, so that is 50+ days away.... I am counting :)
WE had a nice Easter and Hannah was very excited the Easter Bunny left her basket where she could find it, she then wanted to find out if the E.B. found Blake so we called and YES, he found Blake (a few days early...)she then hung up the phone before I could say hello....OH well... she will learn how to handle a phone call, after all she is MY daughter and has Marshall genes so the phone thing won't be a problem...anyopne who knows the Marshall's know we all like to talk and love the phones! no silver spoons here.. just phones! LOL! yes, they all come to us for phone problems. Mark is always saying how we love our phones and would be lost without them... he is the first one to come asking about the phones if there is a problem or wanting me to call this or that for him...I dial the numbers or look them up, HE can talk on the phone just fine!
I had the platelet numbers wrong...should be 150,-450, as normal range. Hannah always fell in the 270,+ range and her last counts for platelets were 176, and I was concerned. her other counts were all very good and well within normal ranges. her Doctor said she is fine and her counts are too! guess I will always worry! my PC will be down for a few days..... my PC guy has discovered my windows has a virus and that has been causing all the problems with my PC acting up. I hope once this is fixed I can start loading new pictures from Disney! Hannah is asking to go back and I would leave tomorrow if given the chance, however reality sets in and it will be years before we can go back just saving up for it will take years! I hope we can get there before her 9th birthday but if not then wehn we do go we can really celibrate with her 5 year remission! I am sure Disney will have changed and updated several times over by then. they do try and keep things fresh, new and exciting.
Well not much else to report from the Hannum house and TY Pennington (smart, funny, cute, se..)Okay I'll stop...if you get wind of Hannah's web page... we are still waiting on our extreme home makeover!!! every day I see more and more updates in urgent need of repair. add allergies from most of us with this old house and well maybe just maybe a new home would be in order.... for now this is home old home! please keep all those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, fighting, in remission, having or had BMT's and those families who now have angels in heaven. keep donating to these wonderful causes: Blood and platelets, get on the bone marrow registry, leukemia society, Make A Wish, Give Kids the World, local Children's hospitals and the cancer society, caringbridge and the Tumbleweed foundation. keep checking back for the light the night walk secure online donation for Hannah's Helping Hero's team! let's beat last years donations of $2,580.00! we can raise awareness and funds to find a cure! live strong and God Bless. ~Holly~
Tuesday, March 24, 2005 12:00 AM CST ****UPDATE****
Hello again, yes it is I reporting once again in the same week! Hannah's clinic appointment went well. we left earlier than normal (must have known we would need the extra time??)I loaded up the Easter cupcakes for the clinic staff and 8 North staff (yes Dr.'s too!) we got to the hospital at 11:03 AM her appointment time was 11:30 so we were in good shape....or were we.....! the hospitals parking garage has always been a bit tricky, even had 2 cars banged up when they were parked, lateley when you park you either have to leave your keys until a spot opens up and the parking garage workers re-park for you or you drive around and around until your dizzy and late for your appointment. I always give in if no good spots are open and let them park me. well today a whole new story indeed! I sat outrside the hospitals parking garage just feet away from the entrance for 40 MINUTES!! why cause no one knows how many cars can be parked in the lot!! they hospital was to capasity with NO beds even the E.R. was filled with no beds and the O.R. was booked solid with no ope surgery rooms! what is going on here?? so after waiting until my appointment time I called up on my cell phone from the entrance and said I am waving at your window from the entrance but cannot come up until I am parked.... they said not a problem the Dr.'s are a bit behind today. a relief I was not told to reschedule!
we finally were able to drive into the garage and after doing the drive around once i said heres the keya I have insurance! grabbed the pictures of hannah's MAW trip the cupcakes and Hannah then off to clinic we ran! all the elevators were waiting on us:) that never happens especially around lunch time! we made it to clinic at noon (just before) and Hannah was sent right back for her triage stuff of height and weight. she is up in both inches and pounds :) her BP was a wee bit up but not alarming since she knows the routine and knew the finger poke was next! I pray this girl is not like me but she is already doing the nervous twitching and twirling of her hair and shaking legs before getting a shot or worried a shot or finger poke and worse may happen while at the Dr.'s office. poor thing! I felt so bad. I still cry when she gets poked then we all laugh cause she giggles when the poke is over and they are squeezing the finger for the samples.
we went back to the finger poking station and she was reluctant to hop up on the chair (she calls it the evil hugging chair) the arms fold over from the sides kind of 'hugging' you in and keeping you from escaping! the nurse came out and we talked a bit then she asks Hannah what finger and yup... you guessed it the Middle finger AGAIN! just have to keep telling her to show her WHOLE hand when letting someone know she has a boo boo not just the finger! she started squirming around and the tears started (mine) then hers then we got her to hold still long enough to not touch her finger that was washed and ready and got the poke in. whew! over... boy do I sweat when she has this done, I am sure she does too.
Dr. Shaw was busy and kept getting paged so his assistant who was with him when Hannah was first in for treatments was now in the clinic full time as another Dr. so we know her well and she is nice and thorough like Dr. Shaw and answers all my questions and fears. Hannah's counts are WBC: 6.1 HGB 13.6 ANC 2.5 and Platelets dropped from 286- 178? I was alarmed to say the least!! but was reassured that was normal and within the limits.of 150-295 (in that range) I may be off on the 295?? been a while and now I am fuzzy on what she said the normal range is. at any rate she is fine, healthy and moving in all the right directions! now for her hearing, they do not have a specific answer to why she has low tempanic tones or flat tones, could be a number of things or a combinbation so for now we are guessing until we see the ENT with a better understanding or another round of hearing testing.
the hearing could be the Mosaic Down Syndrome since Down Syndrome kids can have smaller ear canals or
fluid behind the ear drum or around it and the clinic does not have the fancy pointed ear thingy (cool medical term huh?)with the bulb on the back to blow air to see the vinbration or any problems. she has no ear tubes and has had ear infections in the past so scarring can be another one and wax build up... many answers to a simple problem or even simpler solution? she sees the ENT on April 15th at 2:30 PM. maybe we will leave and get there around noon so we are on time??? or do call ahead parking reservations??? the parking has gotten ten fold worse since Hannah was an inpatient. to park in the garage on the next block can be just as bad and they do not always park for you so now your in another garage driving around and around and no way of driving out to check back to the childrens garage cause you do not have a valid ticket to leave with!
I swaear I need 2 pepole to go with me every time just to have someone circle the garage for parking so i can run up for her appointments and an extra hand is always nice cause you never know just what you might need to carry back or the things you brought break! like my picture bag... ooops! I need organization for my pictures... any scrapbookers for hire? LOL! they celibrated Hannha's birthday at clinic today, the nurses and other available staff came in and sang happy birthday then she got a present, a my little pony, pony. she was excited since she just went to a my little pony birthday party 2 weekends ago. now we have her party to plan and ready for. I think I am waiting to hear back from the girls who are coming so I do not over buy on things and see how the time will go as to how many girls show up. I may need to have more games than just dress up and listening to and watching her Princess and Pauper CD/DVD. UGH! girls are different than boys.. with Blake's I knew who would be there most of the time and we would combined family and friends the same day or together. now starts Hannah's girly parties for the next.....15 years! or more? a job is needed and soon! well for now I am tired and my computer keeps shutting me out so before this is gone I am going to sign out and go to bed. always exhausted after clinic days.. nerves keep me up the night before then nerve 'let down' when we are home the next day! Hannah was happy to run around when we came home like a major relief she was not admitted. I took 8 North the cupcakes and found so many more have left and hardly any one is there when we stop that we know or is still there. Hannah always hates going upstairs to 8 North thinking she is getting admitted. I told her no more and we pray never again. I also told her we do not have a suit case and that is a good sign of not staying. enjoy your week and pray caringbridge will have us back to 'normal' and in touch soon, real soon. I miss so many kids now from not doing my daily checks.... g'night and God speed. ~Holly~
Hello to all our family and friends. We hope you will all have a blessed Holy week and Happy Easter. Hannah and I will be enjoying time home and going to visit family (local) as well as maybe going to a special Easter egg hunt Saturday (still awaiting the details). Mark and Blake will be heading south to VA to visit Mark's brother Craig and his wife. travel prayers for them. Hannah and I will enjoy Easter Sunday at our new church, I feel blessed to have finally found a church home and /family to belong to and worship with. I do have a major prayer request: caringbridge has made all other caringbridge pages delete and remove the drop down menus and links to other caringbridge pages. I feel like most caringbridge families that this is a MAJOR mistake and disservice to us and those who will be making a caringbridge page. please join in asking caringbridge to reinstate and allow the pages to be displayed and linked to others pages.
We all agreed and gave permission to share our caringbridge page and the support and prayers can never be replaced and for those who are new or will have a page they will not feel lost and left out of support and prayers. I am not a computer whiz and I am still learning how to work my computer so for me to pop on to a favorite site and jump to pages in need of prayer or support even sympathy was a blessing. a talent I am glad was shared, for those who knew just where to go to get to a page or link. Thank you for the talented ones and you know who you are! I would share names but fear I would be risking privacy even though I know they would approve! I share Hannah's web site proudly and am thankful this is a free site to us families to be able to SHARE our stories and 'blog' on or vent this is therapy to many, myself included! I had a thought, how did caringbridge get so big.... someone had to SHARE a caringbridge site and information. so lets keep praying caringbridge works it out, send them support (yes a donation) and keep asking for them to re~think the banning of shared links and pages on one anothers sites.
I ask for donations to charities and will continue to so here is the allowed (I hope) list: caringbridge, leukemai and lymphoma society (link will be added soon for Hannah's light the night walk for 2005- goal $1,500.00 ), Tumbleweeds, Make A Wish, Blood banks, national bone marrow registry, the local children's hospitals. if you know of a family in need and feel in your heart the need to send them a donation please do. every bit helps a family who never planned for a terrible illness as cancer to effect the family or the life of their child! never forget Prayer is POWERFUL, keep praying! pray for the families newly diagnosed, in treatments, having or awaiting a BMT, those in remission, those fighting again, and most of all those families who have an angel now in heaven.
Hannah will go in tomorrow for her clinic visit. I will post (if I can remember...) later in the week. pray all blood counts are good and she remains in remission. a new concern is a hearing test she had showing low tympanic tones in her right ear? overall her health has been good. we are still trying to figure out her sinus issues, she seems to get a sinus infection at a drop of the hat. for now she will keep on a daily allergy med to help ward off sniffles, sneezes and coughing that hangs on and leads her to these sinus infection. we have had a good month sinus infection free from her and less symptoms, prayers do work! again have a blessed Easter and if traveling be safe and if home with family and friends enjoy!
I am keeping busy making arrangements for Hannah's birthday party, 7 girls here for a Princess party.... what am I thinking... the "Princess" spoke and this is what she wants... April 9th will be a fun filled day for those attending. April 11th is her Birthday. hope that soon the pc will allow me to post pictures? I have them saved and loaded but the site is not letting me load them. not sure if it is caringbridge or my pc or me? ~Holly~
Friday, March 11, 2005 2:40 PM CST *** update March 15th 1 PM ***
Happy St. Patrick's Day to all our Irish friends and family. even to the ones who are only Irish on this day! truth be told... I'm Scottish (Heinz 57 really)LOL! also Happy '13th' Birthday to my good friends daughter Leah S. on the 16th!! my PC is having a major cleaning done until then I cannot post pictures :( I have tried) I evidently (thanks to Jack..my nephew)have a few bugs that are 'wreaking havock' with my system slowing the whole thing down and shutting me off when I have high speed connection? I hope to be back to full speed later tonight...I hope itis not one of these times where the PC guy needs the system for a week or more :( until then... Have a wonderful Birthday Leah S. and a Happy St. Patrick's Day to ya!
"May the road rise to meet you and the wind be always at your back. may the sun shine warmly on your face. may the rain fall softly on your feilds and until we meet again. may God hold you in the palm of his hand.'
Hello, yes yes yes Suzanne I was a slacker on my updates..... again I am sorry to blog late. not too much to update on other than cold and sinus infections have hit once again. I guess you can't have nice weather in Florida and come home to sub zero as well as being exposed to millions of people and many viruses! airplane, airport, rides, lines Disney... stores... the list goes on as to where or how we all got the virus now? Mark once again started it while in Florida so he could have brought it with him from the office? Hannah is now getting excited about her Birthday (30 days from today...)I am still deciding on should we have her preschool class or just the girls or?? since her Birthday falls on a Monday (one of her her preschool days) I feel she can just celibrate at school with cupcakes? she wants a Princess party with all the girls from school? OH when did birthday parties become so involved?? I laugh now but when she is sweet 16 I am sure we will not have one of those million dollar balls you see on the TV. a nice party yes, a million dollar ball or bash not unless we hit the lottery first! besides I would donate money to the many charities in need like: leukemia society, Make A Wish, Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, Tumbleweed foundation, just to mention a few great organizations close to us. PLease donate! give blood too!
I have a large Thank you to send out to the Tumbleweed foundation and Angel Cheyenne's friends and team mates, the Mystic Slates. Hannah received a nice note and Pre-K work book that she just LOVED! she sat down and finished the whole book in one night! she is a sponge when it comes to learning anything, even things she should not be learning....(may need the depends for this one Suzie) guess I need to make sure the princess is NOT in ear shot when I am losing it.... try as I may bad habbits and bad words are hard to break! I have made progress and major improvements but when the 'red headed temper' flies and wrong buttons pushed by all who cross me well let's leave it at that! I am for the most part a nice person who can stay calm, yeah laugh it up those of you who know the real me...LOL! last night was my most tested time to bite the lip and HARD! Hannah went to get out of the car in the parking lot of Giant Eagle (I was picking up my sinus prescription)when her door bumped the door next to us, not a big deal no dammage and I made sure to let the nice woman sitting in the car know that no dammage occured.....WELL, I returned less than 20 minutes later to find a nice (NOT) fresh dent in MY door thanks to Mrs. **&^ &**!!! OH I would have called the police in a heartbeat if I had a lisence plate number! I could only remeber a gray tracker type car with black pin stripes and an OLD WOMAN sitting inside! now I have a scrape just below the drivers door handle about 3 inches long with gray paint! I felt my blood pressure rise and all the way home just breathed deeply so I could calm down. how rude! I could see if I jumped out banged her door caused dammage and left with not even an I'm sorry, c'mon... a little girl bumped the car door and NO dammage was done so when we're not even around you go and what? show me you can be a complete rude person.... really pitty you.
Well now that I have that out of my system... I am working on the pictures infact, Mark is teaching me power point.. I am trying to see if I can load a slideshow on here?? until that happens I will load some pictures on the photo page for now. some are really good and others are well, I do not like fuji disposabel cameras! all my scans and blood work came out fine so during my follow up visit I asked if I can skip the colonoscopy... NOPE! UGH!! I'm not yet 40 and the scans were clean so why the 'other' test... well just to be a pain in the butt... no pun..LOL! so I have a family history of colon pollups, mom's was pre cancerous so with my IBS just to be safe we need to take a closer look inside. so now I know just what all this 'crap' will get me! I have heard from so many who have gone that path before say to me the worst part is the prep before and living in the bathroom... hmmm I do that now but not to the degree I will for prep time! YIKES! is it worth getting older.... what else is there to look forward to! LOL!
Wrinkles.. OH yes, I went to a dermatologist last week to check a spot on me and one on Hannah. I was concerned with a little white spot on Hannah's right temple that was a red pimple when it started then turned into a hard white bump that her Doctors told me if I was concerned to see a dermatologist. dry skin a few darker freckles and this dry fuzzy spot for me then she said are you wanting any Botox for the wrinkles.. WRINKLES what WRINKLES... I said no Botox for me and by the way, how bad are the wrinkles and how many... she said not bad at all and for a red head with as fair of skin as you have not bad at all. you must have taken care of your skin and avoided sun dammage, the crows feet are small (CROWS FEET >>>AKA>>> EYE WRINKLES) frown lines are minimal and the forehead has a large one line wrinkle. the other method is plastic surgery... NO thanks... well talk about feeling old... crows feet, large forehead wrinkle... and I quit coloring my hair.. add insult to injury, I have adult acne!
Now I get to wash my face and treat it with 2 creams every night and one 2 times a day. how about duct tape for the 'saggies' and wig tape for the face wrinkles?? I forgot my eye lids are puffy and a bit droopy too! well I thought losing weight was a good thing but at MY AGE... everything sags and wrinkles no matter how much exersize I do and no thank you, to botox and plastic surgery! I have a plan that if I can get all the flab and leftover jiggles into where my parts used to be I would look uniform and not so old and layered! guess they have not figured out THAT proceedure yet! I did however find something I lost a long time ago.. around high school (get those minds outta the gutter...) a little known thing called ABS! yup, I found where they are... still don't have them but I found the indent of where mine should be if I can ever get them to cooperate and do what they are supposed to do. that is??? anyone know?? what exactly are ABS for??
As you can see I have had way too much down time thinking about my aging body and add sinus meds to that while feeling a bit under the weather... sorry for such a detailed what I look like journal... short, fat, wrinkled, spotted and saggy red head with very fair skin! things on the home front for now are stable and I continue to keep up with therapy and my faith, I have even asked to join a new church! Hannah continues to do very well and is looking forward to Kindergarden registration after Easter. Blake has added daytime tutoring starting on March 15. Mark and I are well, here. onto a serious note... please keep those in prayer newly diagnosed, in remission, those who have relapsed, having or have had a BMT, those fighting and most of all those families who have angels now in heaven. also please make those donations to the Tumbleweed foundation for the emergency family fund as well as the other organizations I mentioned. Hannah's light the night fundraising will once again be beginningso keep checking back and when you see the LTN logo feel free to donate, all donations go to help the leukemia and lymphoma society.
God speed. ~Holly~
Tuesday, March 1, 2005 9:17 AM CST Wer'e Baaaack! A sad day to come home to SNOW!!!! well two of the Hannum family made it back when the flight finally took off after 9:45 PM! Mark and Blake did a volunteer bump since the plane was over sold so the two of them stayed back in SUNNY Florida for another night (almost two since we were getting a dumping of snow..) hey wait a minute.....Hannah and I should have been the ones to stay and the "stinking boyz" should have come home (after midnight) lugging everyones suitcases (and the new giant one full of Disney and GKTW toys...)all by myself and a tired crying Hannah. we made it home around 2 AM after the luggage was unloaded and sent to baggage claim after 1 Am then we called for our bus ride back to the parking garage found the car loaded up and headed for home. I decided since I was up and the car was warmed I would just run into Walmart and grab a few things so I could avoid a later store trip in the snow (did that anyway so I could get the film developed). Wendy and Bart were very happy to see us however Wendy was more like 'you left me' and barked at me then she realized hey you're home.... take me take me take me with you. I came home and unpacked, unpacked, and oh yeah I am still unpacking!!!
Hannah had a blast at most of the parks and places we all went to. I have video (the cam corder died and at times when it did work the footage is bad or off color) of Hannah after we first walked into Magic Kingdom she saw "THE CASTLE" and the castle show had just started so we stayed and watched that and I have her facial expressions the priceless ones of her watching all her princesses and other Disney characters on stage in awe and so magical. I had tears in my eyes. let me back up to the plane ride.... Hannah woke very excited to be heading to Disney and on a plane, we arrived at the Pittsburgh airport after dropping our car off at the PCA garage around 8:50 AM and just after we arrived so did Hannah's greeter from MAW. she is a very friendly lady and we had a great time talking with her while we checked in did ther last bit of paper work and then headed off to the gate. while near the gate they had one of those play areas so Hannah and Blake headed over there and mark headed for coffee for the adults. we kept watching and listening for our boarding call and after a short while we noticed those who were there waiting were no longer there... UGH!! our boarding was nearly done and we nearly missed the flight!! LOL! we made it on the plane and found our seats buckled up and settled in. the captain came on to announce we would be taking off shortly and then one of the flight attendants came over asking if we were the Hannum family and we said yes, she said come with me please???? I kept thinking what did we do? what did Blake pack in his suitcase or ??? well we were upgraded to first class!
Hannah and I sat together and Mark and Blake sat together but we were all in a row with the isle between us. we headed for take off and Hannah just kept asking if we would be in the "clowns' soon (clouds) after we were in the "clowns' she could not stop giggling. her excitement was pricelss and brought tears to my eyes. I think Mark and I had joy just watching her excitement and reactions. the flight was beautiful with no air 'potholes' or bumps. we landed in Orlando airport and the captain came on with his weather report and sang M I C K E Y -M O U S E well that just lit all the kids on board up! another MAW child was on board as well so we just followed each other and met up with another MAW greeter in the Orlando airport who saw us to our luggage and rental car and gave us directions to GKTW village. I read online and in the books we had at home from MAW but nothing prepared us for the experience we were about to have. upon arrival you get a welcome packet and a mini orientation, the kids will get toys and T-shirts then you are headed to your 'villa'. Hannah had Villa # 157 right next to Mayer Claytons pool I was told this was the best one and it is centrally located to everything in the village. the hostess showed Hannah, Blake and I around in a golf cart while Mark drove the rental car behind us. once at the villa she opened the door to let us in and I was just in shock. the villa was larger than I even immagined and they stocked it with pop, water, freezer meals, ice, coffees and a large basket of goodies. the kids were in heaven with all the goodies and Hannah picked her room out right away, the one closest to the bathroom and with the large jaquzzi tub! both kids had the same room and Mark and I had a large King sized bed with a smaller bathroom and shower next to it. inside we also had a washer and dryer stocked with soap and drayer sheets. a refrigeratore, stove microwave dishwasher and TV's in our room and the living room. the hostess let us get settled in and said we were free to do whatever in the villa, swim eat ice cream, walk around ride the train enjoy the arcade or just relax. aftrer she left I hid in the bathroom and had a mini melt down (a good one!!) I was overwhelmed with all the villa had inside and how well taken care of we all felt! I believe we left 'the real world' and entered into a magical world' and dreams were happening right infront of us.
I knew another little girl Kendrie from the Caringbridge family would be there and I could not weait to meet up with the family and meet Kendrie and let Hannah and Kendrie meet. I unpacked everyone and settled in then we headed to Walmart for sunglasses (we forget them at home..)the Walmart store is around a mile down the road from GKTW village. they have Disney stuff galore in there. we came back and had a few munchies then of course had to head over to check out the ice cream place. well I can say after nearly a week of ice cream I have gained 2 pounds, but what a way to gain it! LOL! I had to make Blake promise not to stop for ice cream EVERYTIME he headed for the arcade and on the way back! we went to the pool party and dinner before orientation and the water was colder than I expected so my swimming trip was a short one. we all came back just before dinner was ready and showered freshened up then had dinner, I headed for orientation after dinner while Mark stayed back with the kids. orientation was fun and full of so much information, thankfully you can watch a channel on the TV in your villa for the important information and a nice video about the village and it's owner. we went to bed early (our new habbit after doing all the parks)awoke ready to head out to Disney. we ate at the Gingerbread house and when we were about done a volunteer stepped over to ask us if they coulf interview Hannah and the family for a seniors progect about GKTW, I said we just arrived yesterday afternoon but alright, (Hannah must have a personality that attracts TV and camera's! look out Hollywood!) Hannah was her 'shy self' and they asked what we thought of the village I choked back tears and said it is more than I immagined and we feel like royalty! Hannah said her name and that she was going to Disney so they made it short and we left.
First ride after we went into the Magic Kingdom we decided on Stitch's escape. Hannah likes Lelo and Stitch movies so why not....Well let's just say she no longer wants anything to do with Stitch! I do not wish to spoil the ride for those wanting to check it out, I would do it again knowing what I know. it is dark loud and this can mess with minds of small children... making them scared. it is a non moving ride and the darkenss and loud unexpected noises along with the 'spitting' got to Hannah. we headed for nicer rides after that. at one point Mark and Blake wanted to do things that Hannah could'nt so I sent them one way and we went another, (should have done that in the first place...). we would ride what we could together as long as it was not too dark too scary or too loud and bumpy or rolling around like a coaster. she did rides I backed out of and LOVED it. you go girl... we were in Magic Kingdom from 10 AM to nearly 8 PM and decided we had enough. so back to the village, we all ate, showered and went to bed by 10 PM. I checked on Hannah around 3 Am (you know bladder call)she never moved from her position. my legs hurt from all the walking but hey I got in my exercise and BLISTERS, DO not buy new shoes before going to Disney if you do break them in BEFORE going. we figured each day in the parks we walked anywhere from 5-8+ miles a day! no wonder my legs hurt so bad. Disney is well know for the lines and we never had to wait longer than 20 minutes for a ride. We headed over to sea world Thursday and had a great time (well until some one found the anheizer busch hospitality cafeteria)Hannah had a nice nap on my lap, Mark's lap and even a short time on Blake's lap. every day around 2:30 she would seem to crash, Mark would carry her ontop of his shoulders when she would get tired or the crowds seemed fuller. the day we headed over to Universal (awesome!!)she was tuckered by the end and Mark put her on his shoulders, a while later he asked me if she was sleeping I looked and she was slumped over his head! I should have taken a picture then! in Universal we headed over to Nickelodeon studios and Hannah got SLIMED! they give the kids extra clothes so I highly suggest going to Nickelodeon! the kids have a blast there! we did all the rides (but a few scary ones like twister and earthquake)Hannah was able to see Chuckie, tommy and Angelica from the Rugrats and she has this pen with a mini etcher sketch on the end so Angelica being the I take all toys type snuck away with hannah's pen! Hannaha's eyes got really wide and then she said MOMMY Angelica stole my pen! Angelica did give it back and I told Hannah that is what Angelica does best is take toys and in the end they always get them back.
I would suggest to those going to Disney on the wish trips to PLAN PLAN PLAN ahead for what age the child is as to where or what park you would want to go to. we did Epcot the one day only due to the Princess breakfast was there, to do it all over again I would NOT do the breakfast again. you only saw a fraction of the princesses and it was in a large dining room with many more kids and it lasted as long as a meal then shipped you out to make way for the next hundred kids. Hannah did seem to like it and she was able to see many princesses but no Cinderella! parts of Epcot were not opened until after 11 AM so we headed to parts that were open. Blake and Mark found a few things interesting but for Hannah not much other than the Disney Characters when they did their dance and singing from this bus. Epcot was a disappointment and a waste of a park pass for a day. we had to cut that day short since we did the parents night out. they do not tell you where you will be going until you drop the kids off. we met up with kendries family just before heading out to dinner. they were all excited to be in the castle of miricles room, even our kids who complained they did not want to stay left us the second we arrived! Hannah put her star up in the castle of miracles and she was able to see it the next day on the ceiling, how cool! when we first took a look inside the castle of miracles I got chills and tears just thinking of how many kids before Hannah had gone there and how many more yet to go as well as those who left a permanent mark forever on the ceiling and are no longer with us. I never did make it to the chapel, next time we are in Orlando I will make sure t stop at the chapel.
Hannah made a wonderful connection with her sitter for the night and she even tought Hannah how to tie her shoes!! she now undoes her shoes just so she can tie them! Mark and I headed over to Planet Hollywood. the dinner was great and we laughed that all we wanted to do was go home get the kids and sleep! well we thought we had time to walk around downtown Disney or just drive around we left Planet Hollywood to find it raining. we ran to the car and left for the village. we went to get the kids but they were still at the magic show so we headed back to the villa and I told Mark one of us has got to stay awake! he was a sleep in 5 minutes of sitting on the couch! so I headded out to get the kids. we went for an icecream (I watched, the kids ate.)we came back showered up and well so much for sleep! the kids were wound up but good! so I cleaned up the villa and packed up the back pack for the next day and did 2 loads of laundry. I was tired and the kids did nothing but fight and argue and comlain ( no Kendries mom your family was not the only ones..) she touched me he touched me.... calgon take me away..... I got up from bed and said look I do not know whay you are both in a mood and awake, it is after 2 AM and I am tired of the fighting we all need sleep for our big day tomorrow so lets just knock it off and get some sleep! Blake confessed they were allowed to get those sugar tubes (the kind you pick the color or flavor and put it in this tube and enjoy PURE SUGAR!!) no wonder they were wide awake and wound up! add the ice cream on top of that....but it is vacation.
while at sea world we grabbed 'rain baggies' before heading out and forgot the disposable camera's not a problem everywhere in all the parks have camera's.... well we payed $38.00 for 2 disposable CAMERA'S?? UGH! we learned to make sure we get camera's BEFORE we get to the parks. Hannah was unable to feed the dolphins (have to be there at specific feeding times)but fed the otters and sea lions. she had a blast doing that! we loved the shamoo show but moreso the otter and sea lion show. both shows we sat in the soak zones well I thought for sure during the Shamoo show we would get soaked....a bit sprinkled but not soaked and we did have the rain gear on. Hannah took a big face full of water during the Shamoo show but loved it. we missed the Animal Kingdom but did make it to the night parade and fire works over at Magic Kingdom. Hannah loved seeing Tinkerbell slide out of the way just before the fireworks started. some of the pictures are lame and not sure of they are Mark's, Blake's, Hannah's or mine? the look on her face during the fireworks and parade is PRICELESS!
The trip was awesome and one I am sure both kids will remember for a long time. I had a blast as well and rode rides I thought I would never do! I did Splash mountain not as scary as I thought actually Jurasic Park was a bigger drop and way unexpected when it happened than Splash mountain. we missed some parts of the parks so a return trip will be planned probably when both Mark and I are too old to do rides and we have grandchildren...LOL! now to get back to reality and laundry. I have many more fun stories to tell and just too jumbled and tired to keep adding here. please keep all those in prayer newly diagnosed, in remission, in treatments and having or had bone marrow transplants as well as those families who have angels now in heaven.
*******also remember Tumbleweedfoundation is taking donations for the emergency fund for families. **** I ask for a special prayer sent out to Hannah's 'favorite' nurse who's father I learned passed away Sunday. I will be trying to add pictures today or later in the week. still tired and sore but happy memories were made ~ Holly~
Sunday, February 20, 2005 10:34 PM CST When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are you're dreams come true....
Hello to all, Well the day has nearly arrived for Hannah's MAW trip to Disney world!!! counting down the hours before we fly out. Hannah was up a little while ago running around in circles and I guess that wore her out, she is sound asleep on the couch! Blake is due back any minute from his Ski trip....no broken bones no broken bones.....safe bus ride home in the sleet safe bus ride home in the sleet... WHEW! Blake just called as I typed that and he is less than 30 minutes away and is tired! he spent a bit of his birthday money (his party was nice and for him sweet, over $100.00!) doing this cool inner tub up a hill via a pulley system then it drops you off and you slide down very fast since the slopes were a bit icey today it was really fast! no walking needed. looking forward to our 70+ degree weather in Florida. Wendy is 'vacationing' with Pappy and well lets just say she was having party food last night and glad I won't be the one cleaning up...he he he he. she is feeling well just a bit gassy, not sure who fed her the 'junk food' but between the kids here and the grandfathers she made out pretty good. maybe this will teach pappy the meaning of NO table scaps and junk food???
I was glad to 'blog' on before leaving tomorrow AM. we are packed house is cleaned bills are ready to go and animal sitters and house sitter is lined up. everyone seems to be healthy again including me... I beat the kids record last week of going more than 2 times to the doctors office. at first I thought appendix then maybe kidney or bladder infection but the pain was still acting up and almost like a gallbladder attack however I had that out nearly 11 months ago so?? well the urine tested positive for blood but that could mean many things and the cultures came back negative for infections, all the blood work came back (the pre colonoscopy blood work up)good and all things functioning as supposed to no infections or anything strange in my body... hmmmm I'll be the judge..LOL! then I thought well maybe I need to go back and see my gynocologist...I went back to the PCP and went over everything and being under stress and anxious and nervous over the trip and family problems he felt it was IBS. he sent me for a berium CT scan without iodine, the results won;t be in for a week. makes sence I have had irritable bowels most of my life, I get the jitters or upset and look out toilet. real fun with one toilet in the house! I actually threw Blake off one day last week and he said jokingly, I feel violated.. I said your lucky you only felt that way not litterally had crap on you! LOL! he was like ewe mom gross....oh well. who knew the crap yourself skinny diet really works... not good for the body and lost nuetrients. forgive the spelling laziness and lack of know how or last time I went back to correct it I lost the whole journal.
I told Mark time for the second potty, Blake will be a teenager and with my IBS never knwoing when or how it will act up better to have another one than not. I think I found my new church. a wonderful little back home church full of friendly people really embraced me and the kids. my step mother introduced me to the church and I felt right at home. they prayed for Hannah through Fran my step mother before she was married to my dad and they prayed for my stomach issues and I feel better and doing better. they also are praying for my marriage and I will leave it at that. a major cause of my IBS and stress, I am praying this does not effect the kids and as of late it could not look or feel worse all around. I have read statistics about how an illness in the family especially a child can be detrimental to a marriage and looks like we may just be one of those statistics. I am working on it and counceling has begun as well as prayers. please pray for us to find the right solution and for the kids to not be effected. also pray for my nerves and our flight to and from Florida. those of you caringbridge families or others who read and pray for us if you aill be in Florida February 21-27 we will be at GKTW and all through Disney, just look for us with our MAW Hannah, we would love to meet up with you or say HI! well Blake should be at the school soon so I should scoot and get him. we will keep all our cold weather and PA friends in thoughts as we sweat in the Florida heat!
******please donate if you can to the Tumbleweed foundation for the emergency fund. a great cause and 100% go to famlies in need. when cancer hits a family no one is prepared for the costs and life altering changes that come along like a parent out of work or both. please pray for those newl;y diagnosed, fighting, in remission, in treatments and having BMT as well as those growing their angel wings and families of those who have angels now in heaven. God speed. ~Holly~
we may have our lap top with us but not sure about a connection or a way to update so I will be offline for a week and will update when I get back next Sunday or Monday evening. we will be taking many pictures so I may have to hire a PC person to help me out with my lack of PC skills.
Saturday, February 12, 2005 11:35 AM CST ******HAPPY VALENTINE"S DAY*****
I hope this Hallmark weekend finds everyone with someone they love! Well things at the Hannum house have been quite viral lately. Blake then Mark and Hannah or was it Mark, Hannah, Blake then me.... OH well you get the picture whatever nasty virus out there lurking found it's way inside our house! we have about 9 days to get rid of it before heading out to Hannah's MAW trip to Disney!! Blake had a case of pink eye last week then Mark said his became red *wink* so he used the medicine for pink eye and I kept thinking the whole time nope not pink eye just allergies and Blake's contacts..... well I changed my mind reall quick this morning with a nice reddish eye that was fuzzy and yes a few days ago itching, UGH! alright IT IS pink eye. I was about to use Blake's medicne (they give you a whole bottle of drops for use over a 3-5 day period. so why not use them)well, I saw the one medicine was sulfa, one of my many allergies. I called the pharmacist and she said nope you do not want to use the drops and have your doctor call in one with no sulfa, most sulfa's are used in a preservative solution as such. (not a doctor or Pharmasist so if I read that wrong on the package insert then sorry..).
I will be heading out tonight for a valentine's dinner with my step mother, my dad had hernia surgery yesterday (all went well) and he will be unable to go so I am filling in for a steak dinner and getting to know my step mom a bit more. Blake has a dance at the local fire hall (wonder how many girls will call this week??) so Mark and Hannah are going on another father daughter 'date night' Hannah just loves it when they spend time together. they will go to dinner and out shopping and maybe pick up some movies to watch for later. I am learning to give a longer 'leash' for Hannah, slowly I am letting her do more things like the jumping jungle at the play yards inside like Mcdonald's and birthday party's. as well as other family members , her father included! he needs to spend time with her so he can UNDERSTAND her when she talks. she talks just fine but she is like me and talks fast, a LOT and in detail over her day then the questions start, I guess this would be MAN"S OVERLOAD so Mark tunes her out (me too but I have learned..).
A busy week indeed, Monday is my father in laws birthday (73) Happy Birthday "pappy' John and Valentine's day, I am one of the mothers helping at Hannah's preschool for the party then it will be home to have dinner for the family and 'pappy'. shopping this week for Blake's birthday presents and snack food for his party this week, Mark will be shopping today for his dads presents and I told him of a few things I have for Blake and hope he does not give in to the hunting gun Blake wants and instead buy the mountain bike!!? I have nothing against hunters just the guns! I do not like wild game but understand many do so I have said my piece on hunting. and those who like bambi, thumper, and other cute live fuzzy creatures of the earth.....ALRIGHT I can hear the groans from here I'll stop! *sniff sniff*..., Hannah tells Mark and Blake when they go hunting to not kill her bunnies with such a sad voice, that's my girl!
Saturday Blake will have a few friends over and some family members to celibrate his 13th birthday since we will not be home and his birthday will be Wednesday February 23, that would make it after his birthday if we celibrate when we get back. he hates when we wait until after his birthday to celibrate and mark hates it when we celibrate more than once... well who would'nt love a birhtday WEEK! not everyone can make it and picking a date to make all happy just never works. Sunday Balke will be off (so far unless not enough snow again!) to the rescheduled ski trip with his class, not enough valium in the world for me while he is on the slopes...... he keeps telling me he will be careful, hey your my kid and I am the mom so I worry! I'll I keep thinking is don't break anything, wear a helmet and avoid the trees! he laughs and said they will be heavily supervised and must take a mini safety course and not allowed near the dangerous advanced courses.... yeah, he is a teenager (close enough) and they like to be daredevils especially within their group of friends!
Monday morning February 21, bright and early we have to be at the Pittsburgh airport meeting the MAW liason who will be waiting with a sign of Hannah's name! I cannot wait to take her picture when she sees that sign walking into the airport. then we will make sure all is in order and go to our departure gate and take off around 11 AM. as much as I hate flying I am more excited to go and make memories with both the kids. the past week I have seen Blake have some mood swings and during a therapy session he admitted he wants off the ADHD meds and has been skipping them and doing just fine. he does see where they help him concentrate during a test but he can do well without them and showed me a stack of A & B papers from past tests and homework assignments. he is going through emotions and horemones and sees his peers doing things and wanting to try to do better in school and with his additude. learning this during the last session made me so proud and gave me a new insight to how he is developing into his 'own'. I think over time Mark and I both pushed so hard and never sat back and listened to what he wanted and went by the schools suggestions and the doctors medicine and never really tried letting have him room to grow own his 'own' (no meds).
Every day is a learning experience with both kids. I realize how often I blog on about Hannah (this whole page is about her disease, treatmetns and recovery stages) then talk little of my husband and son (their wishes) and talk on about my so called life. well all 4 of us are going through this (this IS our life) and all of us had to learn how to adapt to out new "normal" after diagnosis and now into remission. slowly the blinders are being lifted and I am seeing more and more of the whole family and learning to try new ways to reach them all and make sure WE all stay involved with each other not set out adrift like we can no longer reach them. life is short, always have a rescue boat near by and arms ready to hug and hold tight and ears to listen and eyes to see how one is growing or struggeling and never leave them behind.
I have said this in the past to a few people who know us and felt we are a "functioning divorce" without being divorced! I do not speak of personal things here pertaining to our marriage and won't for my husbands privacy and the kids. I will say before Hannah was diagnosed things felt tough after diagnosis things came together somewhat and after hearing she is in remission things slowly started taking a dive again. now we are trying the recovery road ourselves marriage IS a working relationship. no I do not want a divorce and Mark admitted last night the same so time and trying will tell. we are far from the "happily ever after" but not in the gutter of failed marriages either (side note, nothing against being divorced I was married before). health issues have come up for me and I am believing stress has been the biggest culprit and how I was in need of learning how to cope better. I do have anxiety and panic attacks and have learned how to cope with exercise, friends, eating better, blogging here and there. now I need to focus on the whole family and take one day at a time and lessening my worries or at least the ones I know I should not focus on. God IS always in control and I am learning to reach out to him for my excesive burdens. I do know and have felt the power of prayer and after Blake was questioning me this week on religions and why we do not go to a church steadily then what was our religion? good point and question Blake and Thanks for opening my eyes a bit wider. he then went on to say can we pick one like catholic? he was interested in ash Wednesday and wanting a 'dot' too! I said we are not catholic and would you want to go to church every Sunday and make the commitments he said sure! well this is a start and something I have always wanted for my family.
To my family, friends, and caringbridge families. have a Happy Valentines day with those you love, your family! to those who are without those loved ones reach out to God he is there for you he loves you and knows your pain and your lost loved ones. remember those newly diagnosed, in remission, sadly those who have relapsed and those dealing with complications and in the hospital. those having a BMT and recovering and those famiiles who's loved ones grew and are growing angel wings. and those in the service. feel the love, and the power of prayer. Peace and Love, ~Holly~
***remember** The Tumbleweedfoundation.com is having an emergency fundraiser for those families going through diagnosis and treatments with gas cards, phone cards, food cards and what else one may need with an unexpected diagnosis and loss of wages while careing for the child. donate what you can, they are a wonderful organization of volunteers and 100% of the funds go to families in need. no family is prepared financially for the diagnosis of childhood cancer.
Monday, January 31, 2005 7:05 PM CST ***********NEW PHOTO"S***********
Hello, I was "yelled" at for not updating sooner! sorry I was so "lax" in my updates, seems when all is well and I am on the computer reading and checking into other sites I forget to update Hannah's! Sorry~ well somewhat uneventful over here. keeping the "star" from having a 'swelled head' from autograph signing she is doing and answering everyones questions of how we felt when we met her blood donors. the feeling is very warm and overwhelming to meet the donors who's blood saved Hannah's life. I still tear up remembering the day as they were introduced one at a time and walked down to meet Hannah, Mark and I.
Another 21 days we will be in Disney!!! Hannah is talking even more about Disney and watching her calendar be marked off day by day is helping her to see how few days are left, for her an eternity for us it will be here in a blink of an eye! I have some pictures to download and will try after my update. Blake is counting down the days until he is officially a TEENAGER!!! 23 days!! I can feel my hair turning white by the second!!
I see Hannah's site has many visitors however not many who sign the guest book :( I know how easy it is to get into reading site after site and forgetting to sign (I do this often too, my bad < Blake will laugh and roll his eyes on this one!>) I did stop by and sign a few guest books for Birthday's. I read Hannah her guest book entries and she smiles, so keep on signing!! I decided to stay home this past weekend from Niagara Falls Canada since that was the better deal and choice for me as well as the kids. they would not miss school and they both had things to do for the weekend anyhow. let's just say "other people" who'm I am related to thought differently on my decision...... I won! LOL! the kids and I had a very nice weekend with memories made! I am sure you're Laughing at this update 'Suzie'!
The month of February even though short in days will feel long due to Hannah 'skipping' on her clinic visits now. she just finished an antibiotic and seems to have the sniffles again! welcome to preschool and contagious germs 101! I swear (all too often!!! LOL! working on that as well...) seems Blake was never sick like how Hannah has been when he went to preschool and that was before hand sanitizers! I feel Hannah's preschool is lax in the hand sanitizing and disinfecting of the room and shared supplies. she started out like this with one infection after another in the month of February.....(one day at a time, I know..) Hannah came home today announcing one of the girls picked her nose (yes the girl picked Hannah's nose) and I said what did the teacher do, nothing what did you do and she said told the girl to stop and she did. I told Hannah to move away the minute ANYONE tries to touch her face for anyreason and tell the teacher MY MOM SAID SO! since I will be gone the week they will hold the parent teacher conferences I need to schedule one NOW and go over the overly touchy kids and the fact so many seem to be out often like one germ keeps looming in the room. hand sanitizing AND whole room disinfecting will be a big topic as well. I will volunteer to wipe the room down before Hannah's preschool classes! I made sure I went over in detail how important keeping a germ free room (as germ free as can be) as well as did they use hand sanitizer and disinfecting wipes for the room and they said OH YES, we do all the time..... well I may have to get 'ugly' and ask they please re enforce what I was told about sanitizing!
I have been trying to reach a few of the hand sanitizing companies for donating mini bottles of the sanitizers or coupons for them and a packet of information on germs and how to help keep them down or other information they put out on the benifits of using their product, so far nothing. I would be willing to go school to school speaking on the importance of hand sanitizers. speaking on the product would only help promote it. most Giant Eagle stores have a bottle in the kids eagles nest they use upon entering and exiting. most pediatricians offices have them now as well in each room. they have them all over the hospitals in the rooms both exam and patient rooms. I know germs can be everywhere and no matter how safe YOU are personally they spread. the fact is using extra precautions helps not only yourself and family but others if your not 100 percent. ok I will step off my 'soap box' on germs! alright I heard you laughing all the way over here Suzanne! oh how you know me!
******I have a special request from the Tumbleweed foundation.****** they are starting a fundraiser to help families with financial needs and families who are going through treatments. all of the funds collected will go towards gas or food, phone Etc. to help defer costs while in the hospital and traveling back and forth from hospitals and clinic visits. I know the feeling and when this all hits you never think of money, food, gas, phone charges or even road tolls while in the hospital and when it hits, you just have to do what you need to do to get by. not many hospitals offer or have the ability to offer much in the way of assisting families in the cost of daily living 'away from home'. please go to www.tumbleweedfoundation.com and donate what you can. I know many have been asked to donate for the tsunami funds or other organizations as well as after holiday bills, anything would be of help. I am sure you can donate calling cards gas cards and such. The Tumbleweed foundation has been very good to Hannah and our family from gifts for the kids and support while Hannah was going through treatments, cards and checking in on how she is doing.
Please keep those in prayers who are newly diagnosed, in remission, fighting and on treatments as well as having Bone marrow transplants and recovering from a BMT, special prayers to the families who have angels in heaven as well as ones growing their wings. ~Holly~
Tuesday, January 18, 2005 9:00 AM CST ****upadate***** January 22, 2005
Hello, well not to make anybody wait any longer.....drumroll please......Hannah's counts are GREAT!!! she has reached a full one year remission with no complications, setbacks or blood products!!!! PRAISE GOD!! she will now go 2 months between clinic visits. we go back end of March. I'm not sure what your weather is doing right now but we are getting MAJOR snow!! Hannah is so thrilled and cannot wait to get the snow clothes out boots and all and make the yard look like the angels fell from heaven onto our yard aka>> snow angels <<. I really cannot think about leaving the comfort of the warm quilt and heating blanket let along going outside! Mark went out hunting and I will call him soon with the grocery list! HA HA HA! he said he would not be late and I could go when he got back, no chance! he is out in the stuff and is driving the new HEMI durango so he can play in the parking lot as well as the woods! I may try to convince him to drive me however the likelyhood he would go back out to shop is a big NO! I did want to get the camera developed so I could post the pictures of Hannah's awesome day meeting her donors. guess that will wait for the spring..NOT! I will get them on here sometime after i brave the cold. hey only 29 days to DISNEY! I am so wanting warm sunshine right now! I envy those in the florida sun, you know who you are! hannah and I are going to make some delicious snicker doodles. I finished cleaning up from breakfast and was asking her about lunch like Dora soup and grilled cheese and then I saw the sugar cookie rolls I grabbed the other day while shopping and said hey Hannah how about baking cookies today. she said alright mommy, little does she know I was just thinking on keeping the kitchen a bit warmer.....LOL!
Oh snow days and baking, reminds me of my mother and her fresh homemade from scratch buns! she would see the weather would be cold or snowy then start the soup and in the morning get the dough ready. all day it would rise, 3 times and then she would make her buns. to this day I cannot make those buns! she had a knack of pinching the right amopunt of dough and in like 3 moves had this perfect little ball on the cookie sheet right before my eyes! many times she would show me over and over and over and I would try and end up with this little piece of deformed dough ball that was as tough as hardened oatmeal! she would smile and say you'll get it someday... well I never did and all the bread I have ever tried does not compare to mom's fresh buns. I guess the angels in heaven are getting some fresh buns today! smells good from here mom, send some down huh! LOL!
YES, Suzanne, I did cry on that one! I guess as I age I get more and more emotional and 'sappy'. well Hannah is waiting on the cookies and looking forward to the cinnamon and sugar part. so much for clean floors! well I know where the mop is and this time together I will cherrish forever and memories built, like my memories of me and my mom, watching mom bake and helping to make a mess even when I was older! I may not have inherited the knack to bake like mom or throw things together and the outcome was great but my older sister Laurie sure does. wonder if she makes moms buns? guess I will call her today and ask, is so...ROAD TRIP! LOL! for thos ein the winter wonderland this time of year, stay warm, those enjoying the 70 degree weather BLEWWBBT! no really enjoy it! we will be warm again in about 30 days!! by the way my brother lives in CA so he is in the warmer weather. hey Scott time to come home and enjoy the snow!! remember the snow igloos and all the snowball fights?? OK so you got in BIG trouble pelting me due to my sensative skin to the cold... 5 minutes and I was a ball of hives! even covered from head to toe. well I still get the hives but I suffer through, alright I still whine I'm itchy!! well I have a snowball with your name on it bro! he he he he. TTFN. (ta ta for now) to those Tigger fans! and HERE WE GO STEELERS!!! c'mon guys your in your eliment with all this white stuff. lets bring one home for the thumb. as well as making my dads year! take care, God speed. ~Holly~
GOD WILL DO THE REST
I asked the Lord to bless you
As I prayed for you today
To guide you and protect you As you go along your way
His love is always with you
His promises are true
And when we give Him all our cares You know He will see us through
So when the road you're traveling on
Seems difficult at best
Just remember I'm here praying
And GOD WILL DO THE REST.
Hello, I found out a new 'trick' a milestone for me... cut/copy/paste!!! LOL! most of you are like DUH! and even though I knew how to do this for a while I never thought it would work here, well it did! the above prayer poem was sent to me by my uncle Robert, Thanks Uncle Robert. he sends me many inspirational readings and stories, several times when he sent me a story or reading I needed that more than I knew. Tomorrow is 'the big day' Hannah's clinic appointment to mark her ONE year since reaching remission. January 21 is the actual date however her main Oncologist Dr. Shaw is only in clinic on Wednesdays (why her clinic days are always on Wednesdays). after this appointment Hannah's clinic visits should start to be spaced out further apart. another milestone!!
Hannah still has the cold and sinus trouble but will not finish her meds until the weekend. I hope she can get over this and avoid further illnesses the rest of winter???? we'll see since she is in preschool. Hannah met 7 of her many blood donors at a reception Friday afternoon in Pittsburgh. I must say this was very emotional and a once in a lifetime opertunity for all. Hannah may not understand the full impact of the meeting but she knew they gave her the blood she needed while in the hospital. she was shy at first and after all the camera's and TV crews got 'out of her face' she warmed right up and you saw the 'Hannah the ham' appear. boy was she wound up! could it be the GIANT bear the Blood bank gave her or the T-shirts? maybe the large 'remission' Disney cake or chocolate covered strawberries? or just the excitement the whole day brought. all the above! she gave out many hugs that day and once she caught the camera's eye she smiled and was the typical 'model'. some of the newspapers had the shy-er Hannah pictures where she was taking it all in but still the ever beautiful 'princess Hannah'.
I did watch the news Friday and she was on channel 11 for the 5:30 and 11 PM as well as the 10 O'clock PCNC (channel 11's other channel)and Fox 53 at 10 O'clock. She was in the Tribune Review (Pittsburgh PA) on Saturday and I have yet finished finding what paper she is or was in for the weekend or this weeks papers. Karen K. from the Blood bank (she gets all of the PR things together)said she would send me the tape of the afternoon so we can sit down and watch the whole thing again and I can get the names and faces straight! THANK you to these Seven wonderful people who save Hannah's life by giving the gift of life: David, Janet, Thomas, Bernard, Michael, Shawn, Wendi, Pamela. True angels in life form! Hannah's newest hero's. I can tell you this, not many in attendance including the donors had dry eyes!
We were kept in the 'dark' on the majority of the program and kept seperate from her donors so we would all be surprized. I was told I would give my speech after meeting all the donors.... when I give a speech at a regular meeting or group of donors I have a hard time getting through it let alone meeting the very people who saved my daughter's life! I did make it through and my voice wavered a few times, I cannot hide my emotions and they were overflowing Friday! after meeting the donors and giving my speech they finished the program and presented the donors and our fanily with the T-shirts and Hannah's January birthday cake (to celebrate her 1 year remission with this event) and a GIANT stuffed bear. the media was then 'unleashed' on to the donors and the three of us (Mark, Hannah and I) we were able to talk in between interviews with the donors (I wanted to get to each and every one but they all scattered after the interviews in around the room) so I had to try and get to them all between media interviews, sadly I only spoke to 5 out of the 7! SORRY!
The donors were very touched by meeting Hannah as well as us meeting them. one woman donor (sorry, I think it was Pamela? I need to put faces and names together better!)said with tears she had no idea her blood actually went to Hannah and to see her doing so well and in remission was wonderful. her friends son was just diagnoses with cancer (not sure what type or his age but please send out a prayer for newly diagnosed) so all of this was hitting her and to see just how important blood donations are makes her feel bad for the times she decided not to go for whatever reason and now will make sure she goes every time.) all the donors agreed seeing a recipient who received their blood made a difference and brought a new light to donations. may GOD bless all the blood donors!
The reason for the 'birthday cake'...... Hannah is in the cancer awareness calendar for her birth month of April, the blood bank also made up a calendar of recipients and Hannah is in the month of January, to co-inside with Janaury being National Volunteer Blood Donor Month. the timing of the meet the Donors reception for raising awareness for Volunteer Blood donor month as well as Hannahs's remission was perfect! one reason Hannah was in the month of January. well Hannah asked me "mommy when is my Party' for her being in January! smart cookie....she put 2&2 together and knew her birthday is April (she knows what a birhtday party is!!!) so when she saw the January month and her in it (we are working on the months of the year and teaching her to count down to special dates like Disney or birthdays including hers)so she came out and asked me about her birthday party in January! I guess we CAN celibrate January 21 every year marking her remission anniversary. PRAISE GOD! that is the story behind the 'birthday cake'. Karen thought it was too cute and did not want to stress on anyone thing so since she will be in remission 1 year this Friday and going to Disney her cake read 'here's wishing all your dreams come true', castle and princess included! I cannot wait to view the tape so I can see her expression. she was on either mine or Mark's lap the whole time so I could not see. my dad had my camera so Picture's soon to come!! well I rambled on long enough...
Please pray for those newly diagnosed, in remission and in treatement.pray for the families who now have angels in heaven, and for all Blood donors! remember to give blood and platelets, go and register on the national bone marrow registry! such an act of humanity can save a life and mean so much for those in need and their families. pray for those who suffered losses in the Tsnunami.Thank you. ~Holly~
Monday, January 10, 2005 9:56 PM CST ******January is National Volunteer Blood Donor Month *****
Hello, been busy around here cleaning up after the holiday's messes. think I have Hannah's room nearly fitting all her Christmas loot! I do not think there can possibly be any Disney Princess things left she does not have! LOL! Blake is trying hard to keep his newly (mom cleaned) room up.... can you say NOT! I am a teenager soon enough and the clean room thing just does not fit in with the teenager motiff! Hannah has been busy counting down the days to her MAW trip to Disney 41 days and counting!!! Hannah is also in another Calendar.. the Central Blood Bank made up a calendar with many blood recipients from leukemia patients to Sickle cell anemia and others needing blood products and transfusions. I was really surprised getting them in the mail today. Hannah thought she was in her birthmonth of April like the Cancer awareness calendar and I said nope you made it in January cause you will be meeting a few of your donors for National Volunteer Blood Donor Month! she however wanted to know about her new birthday in January now as well as April.... kids, gotta love em!
Hannah's MAW liason's came out to give us our typed itinerary, other pertinant information and even our tickets! Hannah's eyes lit up when she asked if she would be flying on a plane to see the princesses and being told yes! she is looking forward to the breakfast with the princesses and meeting Minnie Mouse and many other characters. truth be told I am excited to go and cannot wait to capture Hannah's pure amazment during her Disney trip. Blake is 'secretly' counting the days down, I found out today when I said we had 43 days and he corrected me with no mom we have 42 days..... think he is looking forward to the trip as well?
Mark went out and decided since he is getting out of boating all together and selling both of his boats we needed a better recreational vehicle for major camping trips so he set his mind to it wanted it and went out and got a new 2005 RV! I must say this thing is bigger than our trailer we lived in! Blake picked out the color and I stayed home! so I doubt the Hannum crew will be home much this spring/summer or fall! have bags will travel! LOL! Hannah seems to have picked up another cold bug, her throat started hurting today but her nose was dripping over the weekend so I will be watching to see if this turns into step throat/ I pray it is a simple cold and not painful strep throat, I know I do not want it nor does the rest of the house! Hannah was just up wanting tylenol for her throat so she got the works...nose spray, tylenol, chest rub, water and a little extra mommy medicine (lots of hugs and kisses).
Hannah will meet some of her donors Friday January 14th and the blood bank staff is keeping us in suspence! we are not 'allowed' to know to many details as they want us to be surprised. Mark is not thrilled on the surprise aspect and I am the curious type so the suspence is making me nervous! tears will definalty flow and getting through my speech will be harder than ever thanking face to face the actual donors that gave our daughter the gift of life. saying 'thank you' hardly seems to be enough. when I see Hannah enjoying every day I can thank God for the Blood donors, Dr. Peter Shaw, all the staff and nurses who cared for Hannah at Children's Hospital and the staff at the CBB. the list of people who have helped Hannah and our family continually grows and the overwhelming feeling of love and support shines with the humanity that lives in today's society.
remember to donate blood, keep those in prayer who have suffered so much loss in the tsunami disaster, those newly diagnosed, in remission, going through treatments and the families who have angels in heaven. In the new year may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, never in want. may you all be blessed in this new year. ~Holly~
Wednesday, December 29, 2004 11:10 AM CST HAPPY NEW YEAR! here's praying 2005 brings a 'boring and more "normal" year for all! the kids are sooo looking foward to Splash Lagoon, the time here is just after 12 noon and we will be checking in at this exact time tomorrow!!!! less than 24 hours away from fun in the water and the roads and weather look great, no snow in sight Yipppeee! I do not like to travel in the snow and YES, I do live in Pennsylvania where we do get snow I just do not like driving in the white stuff. I should say I know how to drive in the white stuff it is the other people who get into spastic modes while they drive in it with no clue of how and I am usually behind them! even a 4 wheel drive vehicle does not gaurantee no slipping or sliding during bad weather and one can only stop after regaining control of the vehicle.....been there done that 2 times! as for Erie and the weather up there.... guess they have snow just not supposed to snow while we travel and are up there.
We have spent the last few days traveling to relatives houses visiting and exchanging gifts, the kids were like WOW more presents..... seems every place we stopped in at they had something for each of the kids, THANK YOU! I also want to send out a big THANK YOU to the Tumbleweed foundation for the gifts both kids received! Blake is enamored(SP) with his peanut M&M radio and Hannah dresses up each morning in her new Cinderella 'duds' shoes and all! we now have to paint our nails almost daily, depending on what color she feels like wearing that day and what nail polish would look best! oh she is my girlie girl for sure!! Blake spends time playing his new games he has for the PS2, all you hear from him is a few WOW! COOL, or AWESOME!! or he will emerge and rummage into the fridge and after grazing he then says there's nothing to eat.....well there WAS! teenage years...UGH gotta go bank rupt.. er I mean love em! that boy can put food away and burp 5 minutes later saying what else is there..... Hannah has been playing with all her Barbies, dressing them re dressing them changing hair styles and shoes and YES, at 1 in the morning when one steps on a high heeled Barbie shoe this does create excrusiating pain to ones foot, the pain of a Barbie shoe amounts to that of a leggo piece in the foot! OUCH!!!!
We are having some friends to the house tonight and I was going to undecorate and pack for splash lagoon but with the company tonight and some cleaning and laundry I still have to get to, it will be here for me when I get back! I had things well under control last night up to the point when the power went out! so could not finish cleaning, or laundry and forget undecorating in the dark with candles and kids....who let the ferret out in the dark!!! ok he was not out and I think that might have been Wendy tossing over the clean and FOLDED laundry??? so off to the movies we went, no candles or kids crying I'm scared we need to move or when will the lights be on and why does my computer, DVD and TV not work......technology! I remember playing cards and talking to my parents by candlelight when the power went out even if it meant all night with no power and waking to no power! I left things as they were and we headed to see Christmas with the Kranks, funny and very moving in the end! Blake and I saw meet the Fockers very funny and OH the play on the name...so two nights in a row at the movies! we came home and found the lights back on, the kids were very happy! turns out a main line was broken and the power was off for over 2-3 hours, good thing we headed out and not to the walmart, they were all locked in the whole time! not a quick stop there last night!
most years I would leave up the decorations until January 15th hoping my Brother and his family would come up then I said well enough of this! he rarely makes it in around or just after a holiday (OK SCOTTY, I laid it on really thick so if you or your buddies read this... TAKE THE HINT>>>> come home soon! I love you & miss you big bro!)LOL! he and my neice have January Birthdays, his is the 12th and Martina's is the 4th, she will be 21 this year...UGH! I am getting soo old! one reason we would leave the decorations up for the times he could and did make it home before the 15th of January. my nephew and sister and brother inlaw all have January bithdays as well: let's see if my 'old' brain can function.... Derek 17th, Craig 24th, Amy 31 as well as a friends son Christopher 31. give the 'old lady' slack if the dates are wrong...LOL!
reading other caring bridge sites these past few days has been both uplifting to see so many celibrating and down right depressing with the passing of more just before the holiday and the families left empty. prayers going out to those who have celibrated and moreso with ones who could not celibrate with a loved one. January will prove to be a busy month for us and then February we will be busy getting all ready for our Disney trip. Hannah cannot wait to use her calendar to mark off the days to Disney then her 5th birthday after that I am sure it will be for summer vacation and first day of Kindergarden and the Halloween and Thanksgiving then Christmas.... is it just me or do the years fly by after you have kids! I remember summer vacation lasting FOREVER!! and any school break lasted weeks now you blink and it is a new season and the kids are in another grade of school, taller smarter and more beautiful than ever! now as the time is ticking by heading into 2005, (hey didn't I just graduate high school yesterday?? LOL! ok it is more like 20 years ago soon...YIKES!!)take the time to appreciate the small things like your child wanting an extra book read at night or an extra hug and kiss before going off to play. play that game on the PS2 even if you have no clue how and this makes your son feel like he is the reigning champ on top of the world! have that dinner party with friends you have been putting off for whatever reason, call and forgive past grudges be it with a family member or friend, make memories to last a lifetime for one never knows just how long a lifetime is. make anew of the new year, start fresh and move on into a new year with eyes wide open ready for new things. my new motto, JUST DO IT!
remember those newly diagnosed, in remission, fighting, and for the families who have angels now in heaven. the power of prayer is felt throughout the world, keep praying! ~Holly~
Thursday, December 23, 2004 10:03 AM CST Two more days until Jesus birthday..... and 2 more days for the kids to start winding down!however in our case the kids will just get wound up again waiting for the big splash lagoon trip December 30-31! Hannah and I ended up not being interviewed on the telethon Tuesday evening, a little disappointing yes but making room to interview those who are in the hospital for various reasons and listening to their stories made me feel quite guilty we were there to be interviewed. we were to be interviewed with an update from last year, Hannah going from treatment to now remission showing another success story and since we were pre interviewed and Yvonne took our information down and felt bad the time ran out she made sure to mention Hannah's remission at the end to end on a GOOD note just before the fireworks had been let off.
Hannah was on while playing in the 'playroom' and Blake even stayed and was on while Joey Porter was interviewed with a few kids there. I was in the background keeping Hannah quiet while the TV was on doing the interviews. Blake had fun and really liked he could keep going back to the buffet tables to eat! Melanie (Hannah's PR buddy from the hospital) said Blake looked just like me and Yvonne agreed! my Girlfriend 'shopping Suzie' tells me that all the time and I guess I never see 'me' in him or Hannah however I can take credit for the fact they both Talk a lot! LOL! the telethon was a great success again this year and so much support form the local business and from all around the tristate area corperations as well as the great people of Pittsburgh and surrounding areas. Thank you all!
Looking back on this past year we have many things to be thankful for, Hannah's remission and continued remission, our health, Blake to have come through this whole ordeal as well (people sometimes forget that the siblings suffer right along with the sick child and become somewhat forgotten since they are not ill!), the fact we still have a roof over our heads bills we can pay and insurance that saw Hannah through all her treatments and hospital stays, financially things are tight yet managible. fortunate we have family who support us and friends, we have a growing list of friends we have met from clinic visits, Blood bank campaigns, caringbridge etc. I am thankful for every day our children are here and appreciate them even more. this time of year many families are without loved ones or a child, and many families struggle with finances or their marriage is strained from the illness and finances. these families need our prayers and support especially at this time when most of us enjoy this time many suffer in silence or are ignored, please reach out and offer help, support and even a hug with a shoulder for crying and an ear for listening.
I continue to ask for everyone to please donate to their local children's hospital as well as the cancer society, leukemia society, donate blood and platelets as often as you can and get on the Bone Marrow registry help save a life, many kids are waiting for a transplant and have no matched donors so they are waiting and you may be their match! I also ask you donate to the Tumbleweed foundation, they are a great organization that helps kids by sending care packages, they feature the children on their web site and send cards to the kids going through treatment. I wish everyone could live every day like it was a holilday, generaly the people are nicer and more generous with donations, the 'spirit' is in all of us and the world would be a much happier place if the 'spirit' showed more often!
On that note: be moved by the 'spirit' and remember the true meaning of CHRISTmas. gather and hold close with your families and friends and be thankful to spend the holiday with them. to all of my 'families' here at caringbridge, my family and friends. we wish you a very merry CHISTmas and a Happy New year. sincerely, the Hannum family
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 0:08 AM CST Hello all, Hannah will have been off treatment for one year tonight around 9 PM! she has also been in remission now for 11 months, such milestones..... ones you do not see in the baby books, ones the doctors do not prepare you for when you find out your pregnant or when you have the baby or during her yearly checkups! milestones reached and milestones learned, what a year it has been. so many friends and families we have met/made along the way. Hannah had her last transfusion (platelets) on December 31, 2003, funny her first was a blood transfusion on March 27 early on the 28th, 2003 and ended with a platelet transfusion. Praise GOD she needs no more! she needed so many of both blood and platelets. please donate often as many are in need of the life saving units, yes, even KIDS!
Hannah will always share December 21 with me as a very special day, her end of treatment and last (we pray)hospital stay along with my birthday! yes, today I am officially another year older (36) at 8:35 AM. I could not think of a better way to celibrate than to help out with the free care fund telethon for Children's hospital. I was taken care of at that very same hospital (older wing...)when I was a few months old, was born with a heart defect and had heart surgery at 3 months old. another generation helped by Children's hospital. the telethon will be live from 7 - 10 PM and I am not sure exactly when Hannah and I will be on so you'll just have to watch and see, oh yes, and PLEASE donate for the kids who have little or no health insurance. the bills can really pile up for those who have insurance let alone those who do not have health coverage. the hospital will never turn kids away due to lack of health insurance and this helps already stressed families when they find their child in the hospital for whatever reason.
I am ready for Christmas, cookies all baked (except for santa's special cut outs, we do those the night or two before) I do have a few more presents to wrap but I am ready. we will be going to splash lagoon December 30-31 for those who are not familiar with this, it is an indoor water slide park in Erie PA. we took the kids this past June and they loved it! Hannah screamed all the way down the slides on the tube with either Blake, Mark or myself, you knew exactly where she was at all times! we have lazer tag passes this time so when we have had enough water we can dry off and play lazer tag, I think we will have the 'stinking boyz VS the Princess girlz....I will post when we get back as to who won! I will be updating again just jotting down some dates now.
January will be a busy month as well, on the 14th Hannah will get to meet her blood donors at a luncheon. Blake will be going on a ski trip that weekend (I am nervous about this one....broken arm or??)he has never been on skis before other than water skis so I am hounding him about being safe and to stay inside and keep warm or take his helmet if he attempts to ski and stay on the baby slopes ....all I hear is MOM I will be fine! guess I have mothers worry going strong... feeling them apron strings getting looser each year. ahhh my 'baby boy'is growing up>>>>mom sniffling<<<<<. January 28th -February 1st Mark's brother and sister in law are flying up from VA and going to Niagara Falls Canada for the weekend after visiting here. Mark's brother Craig's wife Tammy has not been to the "great white north" during winter, she is in for a shock! she has seen snow and been in it and even ice storms but not white out conditions or bitter cold and wind for days and snow that never seems to stop. she is not a cold weather gal. we'll see how she does in Canada when it is FROZEN.
that brings us to February... big month, Blake will be turning 13 on the 23! Hannah's Make A Wish trip will be February 21-27 and time is already flying by and that date will be here sooner than we know it. Hannah and Blake are both excited to be heading to Disney, the kids and I have never been there before so I am even a bit excited. I hope to do something special for Blake while we are there for his birthday. March brings us Easter and spring! April Hannah will be 5! so many things to look forward to and many blessings to count along the way. more mile stones to be reached and lessons learned. I pray 2005 will be a better year for all of us and our caringbridge families. I pray the war will be over and all our troops return home safely.
Please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, fighting, in remission and those families who now have angels in heaven. keep www.caringbridge.org/pa/paulstaudenmeier in prayers as he just had his BMT and is in need of prayers. stop by and say hello and wish him well and say a prayer. I know prayers have made it possible for Hannah and our family to get by day to day knowing so many were praying for us often if not 24/7 and many still are. Thank You all for your continued support and prayers. as many a mother has said 'if tears could heal' our children would have been healed long ago and never a one would have suffered or become angels in heaven.
I find this time of year so much harder when I see another child become an angel, my heart breaks for the families. part of me feels guilt my child is here and doing very well (I know they would not want anyone to feel this loss either and know they are glad for our child doing well) and saddened I can only offer a prayer or kind word to those families who have lost a loved one as well as pray my words come out right and not upset or offend them in any way. one never knows how to talk to a parent or friend who has lost a loved one especially a child. I was sent and email today that talked about (short version, however I hope the point gets through...) a stranger entering a church and being told over and over he had taken someones place, like a parking place or a spot in the pews or at the luncheon line or table, he never complained... afterward he stood and his clothes turned into a tattered and torn cloth and his face, body sunken in and covered in blood, his head had a crown of thorns his hands and feet bleeding from holes in them and then he spoke up and said "I have taken your place". remember this time of year is not for the man in the red suit but the man covered in blood who was born only to die for us....he has taken our place. Peace and love to all. ~ Holly Noel ~
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 7:33 PM CST Hello, WHEW! talk about a nervous drive into town today! white knuckle all the way....... drivers who do not have a clue of where they are and 'scared of the snow' drivers need to MOVE or stay home! good thing I have a 4 wheel drive truck! to start we left about 15 minutes later than what I wanted to and another 15 minutes I should have given us for the crappy snow covered roads and spastic drivers! Hannah and I made it to the studios exactly at 8:45 AM! we left home at 7 AM. we were not late at all however I felt we should have been there at least 15 minutes earlier. Hannah and I did just fine, alright so Hannah was quiet and I fumbled getting some words out and nearly lost it (cried) only because Jennifer Antkowiak had big tears in her eyes while I told of how our world was turned upsidedown with the words 'it's leukemia'. Hannah gave Jennifer one of her famous Angel pins and Jenniufer turned around and (to our surprise) gave Hannah the new Mickey Mouse Christmas movie. the segment laster about 5-6 minutes then one of the Harlem globe trotters was on after us and Hannah got to meet him and get a picture with him.
We left the studio soon after we were on and headed for home. I was very tired and was sure Hannah was as well. since neither one of us had breakfast (too early to eat!) we were hungry so of course we went to Hannah's favorite place, McDonald's! got home changed clothes put her new movie in ate lunch then I took a cat nap on the recliner chair while Hannah watched her movie and covered me and Wendy up! too cute! I remembered I taped the show on my new DVD recorder Mark and the kids gave me a week early so I went to check it out... well I am not good with electronics or PC's and even though it was set up and hooked up correctly it never taped the show!! UGH!! my girlfriend 'Shopping Suzie' taped it so I hope to see it soon! I called her the minute we were in the truck heading home and asked how we did and how we looked. she said good to both questions then said but I know you and when you see the tape you will critique yourself too hard. she is right, I will. I was not as nervous this time and I had less knowledge of what was going to be asked, guess they figured we are living it so just tell how your found out and up to now what has been going on. I jumbled my words a few times trying to get out my thoughts from the head to the mouth. Hannah who never stoops talking was shy and quiet as a mouse! go figure. all the studio people said how cute she looked and how well it all went so??? now next Tuesday is the telethon at the hospital again LIVE on KDKA from 7 PM - 10 PM see how we do next week!
I am losing steam for baking cookies the problem is now I have all the stuff for making so many kinds of cookies and my days have been broken up so if I start mixing I have to wait to bake or vice versa... who needs all those caleries anyway? I am doing good keeping my 10+ pounds I just lost! I will make a few more so I have nice looking cookie trays for Blake's teachers (they get one for the 'team' of teachers he has) Mark may get 2 for the shift workers and the board room. I need to have one for Christmas eve and Christmas day and I would like to send one up to the clinic and 8 North BEFORE Christmas or NEW YEARS! with the late clinic visit this month the hospital cookie trays will be late! we are heading out to Erie PA December 30-31 to Splash Lagoon an indoor water slide park. part of me is like YEAH and the other part is like so not into swimming in December. yes it is INDOORS and Mark bookjed lazer tag passes this time so the kids are ready to go NOW and Hannah loves the water so looks like we're heading up 'north' for 2 days. my cousin who has a New Years eve party every year since I can remember is going to Florida this year so we will come home from Splash mountain and ring in the new year at home. we stayed home last year as well since Hannah just finished treatments. so much to look forward to in 2005.
Hannah will reach 1 year remission January 21 2005, January 14th Hannah will get to meet her blood donors, February 23 Blake will be a teenager!! February 21-27 Hannah will have her Make A Wish and March is Easter and April Hannah will be 5 years old! already a busy start to the new year and we have 17 more days left of 2004. looking forward to putting this year behind us as well, yes many many good things happened this year, My dad remarried, Hannah is doing great and has had a good year. Blake is enjoying his last year in 'middle school' (Jr. High) and looking forward to the High school next fall. boy am I getting OLD! a teenager in High school next year. so many changes all moving in the right direction. how blessed I am and thankfull to mark off one year on Hannah's 5 year calendar of remission. I see how the kids look in the Christmas pictures and look back as if I just had Blake yesterday, life sure does fly by you... time to slow down and enjoy the memories past and new ones yet made. enjoy life and celebrate it! have a happy healthy and safe holiday season and a better new year!
please remember those fighting, newly diagnosed, in remission, and the families who have angels in heaven. GOD speed, Holly
Sunday, December 5, 2004 11:19 AM CST ***********New Photos added************
Happy Holidays! Let me start off by saying my cough is so~so and the hives are going away! one doc said I have asthma? I will be calling the allergist so I can see just what I am allegic to and if this cough of mine is asthma or not. I have a new picture of Hannah going up soon as well as the family pictures. things are starting to fall in place for the hoidays and Hannah's busy PR schedule took off last night! 2 more to go.... she did a wonderful job handing out the awards and once on stage there was no stopping her! guess we need to work on her shyness....LOL! as I walked around with Hannah waiting to go inside and be seated I saw many people I had no clue were the heart of the blood bank. I should have been nervous with so many people I would be speaking to later, instead, I had a very relaxed feeling sweep over me. Karen (Hannah's dear friend from the blood bank and one who always is asking us back to do things) said this was a nice way for all the other employees to see just how their work effects peoples lives, lives like Hannah's. every job plays a part in saving a life from the PR department to the receptionist who schedule the donors and answer questions, the nurses, the lab techs, the packing and shipping as well as the transport teams.
after dinner they started the program and announced our families, another family was there to tell their story as well, her name is celine and she has sicle cell Anemia. both girls were dressed for the holidays and looked like princesses! I was introduced along with Hannah and she said Hello and her name as well as a big Thank you to all the workers, I looked around and began to speak. no matter how many times I give a speech on all Hannah went through from diagnosis to remission and how she is today my emotions take over. after I was done they all had a better appreciation for just what one (child) and family goes through. I had so many come up and thank us for doing all we do to promote blood donations and say a prayer for Hannah it made me relize no one person can ever again make me feel like I did wrong by pouring out my 'boring daily life' or all we went through, knowing we are making a difference in helping others by telling our 'boring story' over and over again! my emotions will always be what they are as I lived through it and that is how I felt and no matter how many times I tell it my emotions are always exactly the same on that day, that second the words "it's leukemia' were spoken.
here is how I ended my speech: Be who you are say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind ~ Dr. Suess~
Thank you all for the overwhelming support over these last couple of weeks since the nasty gram left in Hannah's guestbook. I kept telling myself to get over it even after deleting the entry I was bothered by her saying she may never give blood again! I also relized how much power one has with a room full of people listening to just how important blood is even for a small child, if I can change the minds of a room full of strangers and get several to donate I have helped save many lives. I will just keep working harder than ever to get out and show everyone who is willing to listen and help save a life by donating a pint of blood. what a way to start it off by doing this around the holidays when so many are willing to help and spread cheer. another way to not only save on your wallet this season but help to save a life as well, roll up those sleeves people we have lives to save! a pint of blood can be donated every 56 days, platelets can be given more often, I do believe every 5 days. most of us here on caringbride know just how important both blood and platelets are to our children.
on to lighter thoughts..... yes Hannah is nearing 11 months remission!! praise GOD! I will always have worry and what if's, hey I am a mom and human! I worry about Blake too! yes I do have another child my first born my only son Blakely who wishes to not be rambled on in Hannah's web page. he is soon to be a teenager (yikes!) and I know he does not like all the 'attention' that comes our way with being very open (public: newspapers, speaking enagements TV like telethons or talk shows, commercials;radio or TV,etc.) and honest of what we went through as a FAMILY. I must respect other members of the FAMILY who do not wish to be as public as Hannah and I are. they let us go on to raise awareness and promote blood donations and monetary funding for the leukemia and cancer society, they do help out and I can sway them into helping even when they care not to if I feel it is important as a FAMILY we all need to do something. Mark handles things very differently than I do, I am emotional and personal he has feelings but is just more private and not wishing to expose that side. I still worry and he may as well but he will need to hear news form the doctor before taking that step. guess we work tegether in a strange way like that.
Don't get me wrong this is a marriage and we have many marrital faults on many levels those we keep private to the public. those who know us may know more but in general we keep things in check. guess this all goes back to my ending of the speech: those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind! a reminder for those wanting to know about Hannah's schedule: Tuesday December 14th 9 AM (not sure of the exact time we will be on) the Pittsburgh today show (KDKA)live with jennifer Antkowiak, Tuesday December 21 live from Children's hospital in Pittsburgh for the free care fund telethon (not sure what time we will be on then either or how the set up will be ie:interview live or in a specific setting) I do believe the time for the telethon is 7 PM - 10 PM so tune in! FYI: December 21 will be an awesome date for us to remember, last year she was admitted the day of the telethon for her last chemotherapy treatment (December 17th or 18th) and was discharged December 21 (my birthday!)so this year she will be back in the hospital as a GUEST for the telehton, no treatments and in remission celebrating and helping give back to a wonderful cause in helping those in need who have too little or no insurance.
well off to get the family ready for Christmas pictures, this is ONE of those swaying important the WHOLE family does need to do together! I will post again probably after the talk show and before the telethon until then have a safe, healthy, happy holiday season to all our FAMILIES and friends. keep those in prayer who are fighting, newly diagnosed, in remission, and the families who have angels in heaven. ~ Holly Noel ~
***** I have a prayer request: www.caringbridge.org/pa/paulstaudenmeier
he will be undergoing his BMT Friday December 10th down in Philly PA. stop over and say Hello and wish him and his family well. yes he is an adult. Thank you! ******
Saturday, November 27, 2004 11:44 PM CST Hello! yes another journal and so soon!! well I guess I have "offended or depressed someone who read my last journal update so I am changing it so no one else may feel offended. at least I hope no one is ever offended here and not like how I was offended at the very rude message left. I will not have to worry she said she would never be back in here again visiting Hannah's site, GOOD! I also deleted her entry after printing it! caringbridge will be getting a copy of this one! I am sure not the first caringbridge page left with a nastygram, just sad how someone can just leave a note like that and get away with it. I will try to forget it was ever there and move on. the Holidays are here and my mood has been lifted after decorating today.
I guess when someone reads a web site many can form an opinion or read the same thing and have a different take on what it means, in this case I believe that is exactly what happened. I guess she felt I was depressed and depressing those who read a boring nothing update and I sounded as though I would not be happy or busy since Hannah is in remission and her schedule will not be full of Speaking engagements, Talk shows, Commercials and Telethons etc. well! let me tell you (I know I do not have to especially to my caringbridge families!) I would give back every toy, article written, TV appearance, Telethon and commercial (TV or radio) back in a heartbeat to not have been told "it's leukemia' and watch for months Hannah go through all she went through! Hannah and I do all we do to give back and raise awareness not only about childhood cancer such as leukemia and hopw important blood products are for everyone in need including children.
I guess I can see after reading the journal again where I sounded down, the part that may have given her the idea I would not be happy was where I said I felt as if I was not as needed meaning I was so used to a schedule of medicines and clinic appointments and hospital admits and not keeping a 'normal' every day life schedule (as at anytime we could have to drop and run to the hospital or clinic) like school, work home shopping etc. as most of you caringbridge families know your life changes the day your told of your childs ailment and your life and schedules change to revolve around what it takes to make your child better and we all change to make our children well. I am overjoyed Hannah is in remission and as I see the months fly by at times I thought we would not be here as back then time ticked by slowly, now looking back it was not that slow.
So friends, life does go on and most days good ones with little worries and the bad days we get through them and live life to the fullest. my cough is still hanging on and I pray it will soon be gone so I can get some sleep! Hannah was so excited to get the decorations down today and after I did a few things around here to tidy up a bit (moms can never be sick for long... oh how the house suffers! LOL!)I really did not feel like I had enough energy to go up in the attic but how could I resist that smile and those eyes! so off I went and she waited down at the steps and the more I uloaded the more excited she got. the Holiday spirit is in the air here for sure! Blake wants me to start baking now.. I told him now that the house is decorated the mood may strike soon to bake.
I am behind now on some things and will spend most of tomorrow doing laundry and finishing my Christmas cards. they won't be completely done until after Tuesday as we will be getting our family Christmas picture taken. sorry if this seems "boring" and 'normal' (I am glad it IS boringly normal!)I hope you are not feeling depressed right now?? we had a very nice Thanksgiving this year, just Mark, Blake, Hannah, Mark's dad and I for dinner small crowd and very nice. Hannah and I will be busy spreading Holiday cheer and giving back and helping to spread awareness for blood products and helping those in need who are less fortunate and have little or no healthcare for Children's Hospital. I hope to do this as long as they need us to and ask us to. giving back gives a very rewarding feeling and I hope this Holiday you too will reach out and help those in need.
PLease keep those in prayer going through treatments, newly diagnosed, those in remission and for the families with angels in heaven. pray a cure is found! peace, love and God speed. Happy Holidays ~Holly~
Thursday, November 25, 2004 11:08 PM CST Happy Thanksgiving!! a little after midnight here so a little late in updating. well the dredded cough monster is back and has me this time but good! I have gone through 2 antibiotics and half way on each of them I started with hives! yup, allergic to another 2, gee I wonder where Hannah gets her allergies from? back to the doc tomorrow and maybe a chest and sinus x-ray? try another antibiotic I know I can take? or wing it? Hannah is doing well and also seems to be trying to ward off this cough monster with a few good "barks" at night. what ever this cough thing is it is relentless! I have heard from many who have had it and although are feeling better the cough is still there 3 plus weeks later. welcome WINTER!! guess we could not go another illness free winter here huh? I will have to see how Hannah and I feel Saturday before going to her friend Alexis's birthday party. I just don't want to chance picking up another bug or if Hannah and I are carriers of this cough I do not want to share it with anyone!
speaking of winter, we had some snow flurries today from the cold weather. nothing stuck around here but just made a reminder winter is on it's way! I am praying we are all better before several of the dates we have scheduled arrive. family pictures are on tuesday (I already cancelled my ear testing for monday to find out why I get dizzy spells), I am going to have to cancel my candle party for Thursday, Saturday is the Christmas party Hannah was invited to by the CBB to hand out awards to the employees. that is just through December 4th! we have many more things to do during December and all I am thinking is getting rid of this cough and going to Florida. Hannah and I have the telivision interview live December 14th at 9 AM with Jennifer Antkowiak, hey maybe this cough is stress related?
My very best friend "shopping Suzie" and I talked about me and stress and how I am very sensative to things and take things personal. even though Hannah is working on 11 months remission in my mind I don't want to get too comfortable and then have the "C bomb" dropped again, so I am in this state of constant worry and hence my panick attacks. Mark has been able to move on and let go to the point he does not wish to "rehash" the whole ordeal over and over like I do with speeches and interviews or the web site. reading others web sites puts me right there with those going through this and that's where me taking things personal gets my mind racing and worrying and stresses me out. truth be told I do not know just how I kept it together throughout Hannah's whole ordeal including my mothers passing and the family pet getting hit and killed. yes family, friends and my caringbridge families as well as the hospital staff were a big part now I think that since I have "time" on my hands and Hannah is doing so well we're not tied to a (medical) scheduled as she was and she is becoming more independant so I feel left out and all that is left is to worry. almost like the "security" of her medical schedule is gone. is this a mom thing, a cancer mom thing, a crazy your nearing a breakdown thing or what???
do they have a "losing your mind after remission is acheived" group for parents? some days are good and others are to me like a game of keeping it together and not losing it! I have noticed since my dad has remarried and 'moved on' I am feeling out of the loop with him as well. I am very happy he is not alone and found someone to spend time with, just another adjustment I need to make. like relizing Hannah is in remission and her one year anniversary will be in less than 2 months January 21, 2005. that date seemed like it would take forever as did her treatments and the months we were in the hospital. I guess as this year is winding down my mind is going over all that has happened and all who's lives we touched, lives that touched us, and saddened by the many growing angels. in reflecting over the past year(s) we have been blessed and very Thankful for all we have and all we went through. lessons learned, strengths found and lives forever changed.
live, love and laugh often! I have yet to master that lesson. please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, those in remission, those in treatments and for the families who now have angels in heaven. next update more happy tones and thoughts! have a blessed holiday season, Happy Chanukka, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa to all our friends and families. God speed. Holly
Tuesday, November 16, 2004 12:05 AM CST Hello all, We are slowly getting better and Hannah has returned to preschool. she was soo happy to be back at school last week and this week. her PR calendar is getting filled up! so many things she will be doing I hope I can keep up and remember it all! first off THANK YOU all for the prayers for Hannah getting better. she has a clinic appointment Wednesday November 17th (tomorrow) routine blood work and a check up with Dr. Shaw :) Hannah is more excited over the sponge bob movie and Disney trip than Christmas. wait until the decorations go up next weekend! I am already terribly behind on my Christmas cards this year! by now I would have them ready to mail out, I have yet to buy them! don't even get me started on the Christmas shopping or baking. way behind there as well.
Hannah thought she needed a hair trim so she took it up herself to do the job, yes just before school pictures and all the PR things she will be doing, UGH!! off to see the wonderful Kasey to fix it! we go to Wal-Mart so often we just go to the cost cutters since finding a steady girl there who listens to how YOU want your hair to look and knows how to cut hair. she laughed and Hannah backed away like she was in trouble, Kasey told Hannah it was alright but never to cut her hair again just tell mommy that you neet to go see Kasey! believe it or not the only way I found out she cut her hair was I kept finding long clumps on the floor all week when I swept. I thought she got into the bag of her hair I kept after she lost it all from the chemotherapy, the bag was untouched so I looked over her head and only saw a few shorter spots by the bangs then went to pull it up in a top pony tail and saw the whole left side kept falling out like it was just shy of reaching the hair band.
she knew right away she was found out. I told her never to cut her hair even though these were her safety scissors they were for paper only! now she has to ask for her scissors since they are no longer in her reach. here is a litte taste of what she will be doing December and January: December 4th, going to the CBB's Christmas party handing out prizes and certificates. December 14th, her first talk show!! Live! Pittsburgh's today show with Jennifer Antowiak at 9 AM. December 17th her preschool Christmas party. December 21st, Telethon for the Chilrens free care fund for Children's hospital of Pittsburgh. Christmas and her clinic appointment and I am sure a few other dates in December I am forgetting. January 14th she will get to meet her Blood donors at a special luncheon as that month is donor appreciation and awareness month, she will also be in 2 calendars, one due out soon (will post when I have more info)the other is for the blood bank (CBB) during the month of January if you donate blood you get a free calendar and Hannah will be in that one. February we go to Disney for her Make a Wish. time will sure fly with this PR princess!!
I will post later this week or next week early, going to try to post weekly even when busy and even if the post is a short "hello we are all fine nothing new". Have a blessed Thanksgiving! while we are being Thankful this week please do not forget those who are newly diagnosed, in remission, enduring treatments and especially the families who now have angels in heaven. God speed. Holly
Saturday, November 6, 2004 1:04 PM CST *Happy 72 Birthday grandpa Bob-Bob!Hello, Whew! what a long week between not feeling well and 2 trips to the hospital ER for Hannah. Hannah and I are now on the mend. we both still have a bad cough and Hannah still has a nasty runny nose however no more FEVER!!! Thank you prayer warriors!!! I have seen Hannah sick from treatments, medication and fevers before but this fever made me scared out of my mind! she was so hot and Tylenol never seemed to touch it. she was very lethargic when we got her to the ER late Tuesday evening/Wednesday Morning. she threw up several times upon arriving in the ER and her temp was 103.9 when we got in the ER. they gave her motrin and saw she was doing alot of mouth breathing and the nurse said she heard very little breath sounds from her right lung! Pneumonia We thought and back to chest film, CBC, urine cultures and throat cultures. the Dr. we had in the ER was one of the oncology residents last summer who saw and remembered Hannah. we also ran into her night turn PCT Joe, he transferred down from 8 North to the ER and loves it. he did make Hannah smile! they started an IV this time running fluids to help her since she threw up preventing dehydration.
Once the Motrin starting to bring the fever down she was feeling better and her and daddy slept in between tests and temp and BP checks. her pulse/ox was running 94-96 ot completely 100 percent and with her nose so stuffy and breathing through her mouth this seemed to be the cause and no major concern (I was!)she would caough and it would drop to 94 but come back to nearly 97 while she rested. her films and CBC came back clear and her counts where better than ever! Praise God she can fight off this nasty croup monster!! they wanted us to follow up in the Morning and I thought why not just keep us a few more hours being her doctor would be in by then and she would not need to go near the clinic. I knew she would not be going to the clinic even had we gone back later that day. we were discharged and Hannah was given more Tylenol for the ride home. we got home around 4:30 AM and went right to bed (after a quick sponge off from the throw up yet again on the way home from Tylenol) Hannah woke us up around 6:45 with "I have to barfs!" YUP, that she did all over the bed and poor Mark again! something about the sound of a barfing kid can wake you up from a sound sleep sober ASAP! need to make an alarm clock with that sound...LOL!
We had to bring home the urnine sample cup due to she could not pee whle there. about 9:30 AM her Dr. Shaw called (oncologist) he wanted to know why they wanted her seen by him with such good counts and in the clinic where she should not go near while sick. I knew that and questioned that myself. he said with a virus treat with Tylenol and Motrin lots of fluids and watch her close not much more we could do and please keep out of the clinic! I agreed and questioned her counts thinking maybe they saw things going in the wrong direction and did not want to scare us but he said if her counts had anything worrysome in any way we would have been seen by the oncology team that night and Dr. Shaw would have been called in as well. since we would be home Mark had to run and get some more Motrin and Tylenol for Hannah as well as run the urine sample (she finally peed after she "barfsed") to her regular pediatrician. the urine was also clear. we just need to keep her quiet and keep her drinking (she is doing great in that department as well as eating good). she needed no Tylenol or Motrin in over 24 hours now, she also is sleeping more sound with less coughing at night. she still sneaks into our bed but with a bad cough like she had I worry it can still turn into pnuemonia (they said in the ER chest films can change from one day to the next with upper respiritory coughs)so I make room and feel better she is right there for me to listen to in the night.
I am holding Hannah off from school this week as well just to give her time to feel better and I did call the school to see how many others are out, so far just one. I do not want her getting another virus on top of this one or picking up another type of bug so we will play it safe and keep her home. she is upset she will miss more school so I am keeping her occupied with books and her reader she got from her birthday. my sister sent her some papers from Sunday school for the kindergarden class and she blew right through those in no time! I may have to run over to the school this week and get her papers she missed just to keep her busy! her pediatrician said once she feels better and her cough is much less she can go back to school. she is no longer contagious just in the healing stage. I am glad this did not turn out to be RSV, Pneumonia or Bronchitis! my son Blake had severe croup and bronchitis many times when he was younger and even had RSV. every time he would get croup he needed rushed in for steroids and a breathing treatments and an overnight saty in the Hospital.
I heard form the PR department a few days ago and Hannah will be doing the telethon December 21st (my 36th Birthday) OH WOW! 36 boo hoo... I see 40 closing in on me! LOL! she will also be interviewed on a local morning talk show in Pittsburgh before the telethon for the free care fund for Children's Hospital here in Pittsburgh, PA. she is quite the PR Princess! anything to support a good cause and give back some of what we have been given is a positive thing! we may interview with Dr. Shaw this time not a pre taped interview during one of her routine clinic visits, how cool! I hope that can be worked out as he can explain her condition better than I or at least more technical than I! when that is done and on the Chilodren's hospital web site I will have Kim post for me, Thanks Kim ahead of time and Thanks for posting while we were under the weather. well this journal is longer than I thought it would be so I will go for now, God speed. Holly & The "Princess" Hannah Banana Jane Hannum.
Remember those newly diagnosed, in treatments, in remission, those families who now have angels in heaven.
Wednesday, November 3, 2004 8:08 AM CST Hello friends. Kim here with an urgent request for prayers for Hannah! This is the message I got from Holly this morning.
Hannah was in the ER on Sunday and followed up at her regular pediatrician Monday, all pointed to a nasty croup virus and let it run it's path and keep her on tylenol and motrin for fever and drink lots of liquid. she seemed better and on Tuesday evening she started sleeping more and not feeling well so I took her temp and at 6 with tylenol on board it was 102.8 within a half hour it shot to 104.5 so off to the ER again! this time they thought pneumonia however the chest film and labs were all clear??? with an IV in and motrin along with tylenol her fever went down and she was feeling better. she needed to give them a urine sample but couldn't, since she felt better they dosed her again with tylenol (she threw up after her first dose on the way to the ER) took out the IV and sent us home with a collection cup for urine. I was a little concerned since it was over 12 hours with drinking and IV fluids but no output? could have been heading to dehydration?
We got home around 4:30 AM and went straight to bed. Hannah woke up at 6:45 throwing up yet again (she threw up on the way home from the ER after having tylenol) and then she peed a little bit so I was able to get that sample we waited for last night! while in the ER they thought it best we followed up with the Hemoc team (her oncologist) just to see what thier opinion is and no one returned the pages so I had to call this AM to get her in. with her labs looking so great I am not concerned there but this fever and lethargy Hannah is going through is making me nervous. I have no clue what they are going to do today but this is her Dr.'s day in the clinic so we will be able to see him, that is good news. I do not know what they will do, admit her and keep a watch on her fevers or run tests, spinal tap for menangitis? all I know is Hannah is one sick little girl and needs prayers! even with the meds on board today she is still holding on to a 103.2 temp!! she is also throwing up what she drinks a short time after drinking, this could head her into dehydration as well.
Pray her fever goes away and stays away, pray she has no major illness or infection, pray God guides us and her doctors in the right direction for treatments and tests. we have come so far in getting her well and in remission, please pray she remains in remission.
Thank you, Love and hugs, Holly & family
Monday, November 1, 2004 9:43 AM CST Hello, Long journal entry >>>>>>>>>> Well! where to begin..... lets start off with my dad's wedding! YES, I said WEDDING! he and his Fiancee Fran decided to go ahead and "tie the knot" before going to Florida today. so all of the immediate family that could go did. I filmed it and took many stills and digital pictures and that turned out to be a good thing! Blake accidently erased the cam-corder tape of the whole wedding! let's just say I have a clean house! I clean when I am mad and oh was I mad! he was hunting and I took the cam-corder tape and all for those family members not able to go to watch it and when it was beeping and coming out blank I thought it was the recorder or my error. I read the book and found if you hold the record button down while viewing you can edit (or in this case) erase! the wedding was about 20 minutes from start to finish and was nice. they had the ministers wife standing for Fran and Fran's son in law standing for dad, they wanted small and simple and they got it.
Hannah went trick or treating after the wedding at my sisters house since that was closer and we were going to be there anyway. she was so happy to show off her princess and the pauper bride's costume. Friday was her Harvest party in preschool (they don't do "Halloween" parties) she dresses as a pink bunny due to the theme was Noah's ark. the kids had fun but most "melted" in the heavy costumes. Friday Hannah and I both felt out of it and had a little cough so I thought here we go more colds and allergy misery this weekend. turns out there was more to her illness than just a simple cough and cold: read on >long entry<
Saturday Hannah seemed fine however her cough was sounding more like a bark. Mark and I had plans on going to a Halloween party with friends later that evening and dad and "granny Franny" (she likes that name the kids come up with? I am voting for Gran like Grandma & Fran combined) had agreed to watch the kids here so I did my angry cleaning since Blake was not here to scream at and this gave me time to calm down and think any one could have done this. the boys came back from hunting and cleaned up and a while later our ride was here and "Gran" and Bob-Bob came to watch the kids. we had a nice time but there was no one in a costume so I won the prize for "dressing up" since I had Halloween socks on along with a scarecrow and pumpkin top and a headband with witches on it (Mark said the witches on top looked just like me red hair and all!) sad when that is considered a 'costume'. we came home by 11:30 since the party was a bust and the music was not that great.
Saturday night/Sunday AM I was awakened by Hannah crying with barley no voice and a bark that a seal would have been proud of! I though sounds like croup, so I got up gave her some cough medicine, Tylenol, and some sore throat spray and checked her for signs of dimpeling in her ribs and chest. no dimpeling ( what they check for and usually treat with steroids and a breathing treatment, Blake had croup when he was little so I knew what to look for) and she was not into the idea of a hot steamy shower at 3:45 AM any way! I figured if I can get her settled down and back to sleep it was good all around but the doctor would need called later in the AM. I had plans to go to church with Fran and Dad but when they called I had just gotten back to sleep at 7 AM so I told them another Sunday and Hannah and I were not feeling well and Hannnah's doctor needed a call later on. so back to sleep I went until the phone rang again, just my sister wanting phone numbers and she said I sounded bad, by this time it was almost 10 Am and I figured I'm up better go call the doctor.
Hannah and Blake got up shortly after me and by the time I went to the bathroom (hey I had 5 minutes of privacy!!!LOL)let the dog's out (I am dog sitting my dads old lab) they were screaming for breakfast. I got the pancake mix out and whipped up a batch of pancakes and Blake made eggs and sausages so we had a nice breakfast (ask anyone I only cook on the weekends! LOL! not really) the kids like that bigger breakfast on the weekends. Hannah said she felt better but her voice was teling a different story along with that cough! I gave her more cough medicine after breakfast and a big glass of water (she is my milk drinker even when she is sick, Blake too) I told her in a day or so she could have milk again and I did not want phlem to build up with her cough. so I grabbed my comfy sweats and figured we would all settle in for a 'lazy Sunday' on the couch in our comfy sweats and some old movies. well that turned out to change in a matter of minutes!
Hannah came in after I got dressed and was about to call the doctor when she said "mommy I feel dizzy and my back hurts" I said I know you don't feel good but then I noticed her coloring was very pale in her lips, gums, fingers and all over paleness to her! I immediatly called Mark in from his loft office to have him look at her to make sure I was not just seeing pale. he agreed she was indeed very pale and she complained of a headache and more back pain so I called the doctor and ran in to the shower! Mark waited on the phone call but after 45 minutes no call back so I said I am calling back and if no one calls in 20 minutes I am taking her right up to Children's Hospital! I dressed Hannah and she seemed to perk up some but still felt and looked not well. I did get a call back within 25 minutes from the second call and the on call doctor was not familiar with Hannah's history and having leukemia and being 9 months in remission she agreed to have Hannah go up for counts. I know she though I was some crazy mom wanting blood counts on a kid for croup then she agreed with Hannah's history and sent us to Children's.
we got to Children's at 2 PM and only sat for about 20 minutes before going to 'triage' then put into a room. we read nearly all 8 books before the doctor came in to see Hannah. she listed all Hannah's symptoms and took a listen and said she heard a crackling on her one side so a chest film was ordered along with a CBC that she certainly agreed with. Hannah's color was a bit more 'modeled' (purple white circles or swirls under the skin, like when your skin is cold) she felt warm but did not have a temperature. what really made me feel like 'dejavous' was when she found petichia (little red spots) all over her throat, tongue, inside her mouth and a few spots on her legs, hands, back, about 20- or so in total but enough I felt alarmed! she said this can happen with hard coughing like Hannah was doing in the throat area and the others were minute and not too concerning.
she did notice Hannah had a nice size chunk of ear wax in her right ear so she went to get the "ear tool". she came back and said the nurses are changing shifts so when they are ready they would be in for the IV and CBC. she was not going to have Hannah on an IV drip but wanted a line in so if needed she could get medicine and or blood products. I was so glad I took a nerve pill before going to the Hospital! she dug at Hannah's ear and I said this is a long metal object things we are warned to never put in our ears yet you are doing just that! she laughed and agreed but that has been the tool of ear wax removing forever and it works so she dug on! Hannah was getting quite upset over all the digging and seems it only made the wax harder to get to so she left it alone and said to follow up today or if her ear gave her trouble. she was already copmplaining it was sore from the digging. we then went over to x-ray for her chest film and back in the room was the doctor asking if she wanted a drink and what kind. Hannah opted for orange juice so the doctor grabbed both orange juice and orange drink, Hannah drank the orange juice down in seconds! the carton was one of the petite ones and the orange drink was one of the pints and she was starting in on that one before the docotr even left! the doctor said well I know we won't need her hooked up for lack of fluids!
a short time later the IV team was ready for her and wheeled in the IV cart (Hannah is all to familiar with this!) she started to squirm and asked was that a needle for her arm with tears streaming down her face and I said yes sweety it is for you a qucick pinch and it will be done. the nurse Jeff held Hannah down (that is the worst part for Hannah being held down)I held her other hand and talked to her trying to get her to look at me and the other nurse had the stuff out and ready to go and told Hannah each step of what she was doing (made me feel better knowing since I couldn't see) just as she was about to stick her she said that Jeff liked to fall asleep so make sure Jeff does not fall asleep like the Jeff on the wiggles, this made Hannah giggle for a second and Jeff started to snore so we all said 1-2-3 wake up Jeff and the needle was in! whew! now they needed to just tape it up, Hannah was crying she has a headache and was dizzy and I saw how bubbly the blood was and asked why? she said from using a butterfly and holding her arm down can cause this and it was not a concern.
Hannah said she felt better and from crying and struggeling from Jeff holding her down this was more likely what caused the headache and dizzyness. Hannah perked up after seeing that she was done and the needle was in. they asked what Hannah would like for being such a brave girl and she said orange Poopsicle. they came back with an orange Popsicle and a treat bag (I forgot it was Halloween!) the treat bag was in a bio hazard clear baggy and she said they ran out of the cute Halloween bags, we laughed and Hannah drank her orange drink, ate her Popsicle and played with her new games. a short time later another ER doctor came in and gave me news that had me in tears! her counts wer all good and her strep test, and chest film were all negative! she just has the virus going around and to keep her drinking and give her cough medicine and Tylenol and follow up with her regular pediatrician tomorrow. he said he would have done the same thing bu going to the ER at the hospital that treated her leukemia. I thanked him and got Hannah dresses while waiting on the discharge papers and the IV team to remove her IV port.
The first ER docotr came back with her discharge papers and said if her strep culture came back someone would call but everything pinted to the virus going around and to watch for stiff neck or more compliants then to call orr bring her back in or to her pediatrician. she was finishing up the intructions and Jeff came in to remover her IV port and Hannah was telling him to wake up Jeff and we all giggled at that. one other reason I am glad to go to Children's hospital, they know how to treat the kids during any medical proceedures even small ones like an IV line. he could not get her hand to clot so he said I need to hold the "princesses hand a little longer... well you could have imagined the smile she had o her face and she looked at me and whispered 'mom he knows I am a princess! he winked at me and said in a whisper all the girls are princesses in here. he did get it to start to clot and said it would stop soon enough but to be careful of bumping it so she held her hand as if no one was to look at it! she gave a princess wave goodbye to the nurses and doctors and we left for home!
Hannah and I both, once on the elevator, said oh I forgot to go to the bathroom so back up we went! after going potty we were heading out and ran into one of the 8 North nurses and said hello and told her to say hello for us on 8 North. she was gald we were going home and was wondering why we were there. on the way down to the truck Hannah asked if we could stop and get her a 'Donald's' (McDonald's)and I said yes but convinced her (I thought) to go home and have a bowl of Dora the explorer soup. she took a few cat naps on the way home only to wake up and ask of we were at 'Donald's yet! so I stopped and got her a 'Donald's and some movies. thanks to the 'stinking boys' I needed gas too!the gas light came on just as we got back on the turnpike heading for home! today she woke up to leg pains and said her armpits were sore? I am wondering if all the holding and lifting I did putting her on the exam tabel and x-ray tables may have made her armpits sore or that just feeling sick makes your whole body ache and sore? I will know soon, she has a follow up visit with her pediatrician later this afternoon.
I will be going in for a doctors appointment as well, seems I also have the same thing!!! I will update the photo's soon and add the wedding pictures. seems when you take them on the digital cam and send them to this PC for uploading they are way too big and I have no clue how to down size them so I may give a disk to my good Friend Kim, who without her help, I would have this websitre a mess!! I wish i was not so "grafficly challenged"! hey Jullianna Banana and dad need sopme jazzing up here in PA!!! wish I was as talented as Hannah's Banana sistah's daddy! well the crisis seems to be gone and now on to getting every one well again. glad I cleaned the house! see how long it takes for the stinking boys to trash it! I will leave Mark messages and a list this week, mom is out sick feed kids and dogs leave house in one peice. yeah like that would ever happen! needed to have my "sick days" turned in by January 1st and guess what they are not covered! gee now who should I vote for that would give housewives better pay, days off, paid vacation and sick leave??? LOL! oh well I am glad to be a housewife taking care of my kids, they grow too fast and work can wait!
Rememebr to VOTE! and remember those who are newly diagnosed, in treatments, in remission, and the families who have have angels, fly free Cheyenne. God speed. Holly
Saturday, October 23, 2004 9:58 AM CDT *********************9 MONTHS REMISSION*********************
Hello all, Hannah had her clinic appointment Wednesday and all her counts are great! she is gaining weight and getting taller so we go back in 1 month. PRAISE GOD!!!! I always worry and find I am guided by my faith and many others thinking of Hannah and continuing to pray for her. Thank you and as you can see prayers do work! check out the PHOTO page!!! I added many of her LTN photo's. the banner has pictures of other kids and even the Scott family with beautiful baby Allie who earned her angel wings just a few weeks before our walk. we have Hannah's "sistah Banana" from Canada Julianna and we could not forget Sponge Bob Square pants! we also Have Lady bug Katia and a few scattered banana's and lady bugs all over the banner. notice the "Sofie" plate... how cool was that we found Zoo pal plates and they had a giraffe so how fitting to use it to honor angel baby Allie Scott with one of her "sofies"!
"Princess Hannah Banana" (her title keeps growing!) has glasses now and talk about 'styling' they are a blend of pink and purple so they are princess worthy. Hannah is loving school and enjoyed a trip to Yeck farms on her very first bus ride! mom tagged along to help the adults out and keep the kiddies accounted for and that made Hannah a bit mad that mom was around. already it starts! Hannah's commercial has been seen by many and I even heard it on the radio! Hannah will opnce again be on the Free care Funds telethon December 21. when the video is done and loaded to the CHP site I will have my good friend Kim set it up on here. Hannah also was spoiled by daddy with a new "princess" bike a two wheeler with training wheels, look out! it is of course pink and purple with pretty flowers all over it. daddy said to me with eyes of 'don't be mad but' she gave me those daddy's little girl I need this eyes and rode it in the store like she owned it! so Hannah now has a new bike and she just loves it and wants to go ride all the time. looks like I will be getting more exercise chasing beside her as she rides. who said daddies don't spoil their little girls...AKA Princesses! LOL!
The Central Blood Bank also has plans in motion for having Hannah meet some of her donors in January as January is national blood donor month (I may have this wrong) or something to do with Blood donation month....anyway I think it is an awesome thing and know I won't have a dry eye all day thanking those who saved my daughters life by donating blood! they can also see who they helped and how she is thriving today. I have been intouch with a woman named Monique who wants to get a calendar out (with kids from caringbridge) to help raise awareness for childhood cancers, I think that is a great idea and hope Hannah can participate. I will keep you posted and let you know where to get your calendar. the kids she features will be in the month they were born (Hannah would be April).
We have confirmation dates and times for Hannah's Make A Wish trip to Disney, leaving Pittsburgh at 11:50 AM February 21 and returning 8:42 PM February 27, 2005! look out Disney the Hannums will be invading soon!! Hannah has been all about the Disney Princesses for months now and is already planning who she will eat with and who will be tucking her in at night! Blake just wants to find the fastest rides and best food! Typical pre teen, YIKES! TEEN he will turn 13 while in Disney and I have some plans for his B-day SSSSHHHHH it's a secret..... you know a bash for a kid before he becomes a teen and can no longer be associated with anything for "kids"! I am tearing up thinking I am losing my 'baby boy' but know I will soon be gaining an ungratefull rude teenager who thinks I know nothing and if all goes well(providing he lives through those ungratefull mouthy rude years! LOL!) a man will emerge! life is good! LOL! I love you Blakely Patrick Hannum ~dude~ please take it easy on your "old" mom the teenage years are tough for both of us!
WOW! I am going to have a teenager soon, how do I prepare....quick where is my hair dye and wrinkle cream!! I had some news the other day that well I am still taking in....My 72 year old father announced his engagement! yup! dad is getting married again and he knew her about 3-4 weeks! he said well at our age (he'll be 72 in 2 weeks, she is 76)we have no time to waste! I am happy for him/them and I know he is much happier when he is with her and kept busy, strange they act like teenagers..... who would have thought I would be planning my dads wedding! well it will keep me busy! looks like it may be a holiday wedding, between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I will keep you posted and post those pics when the big event takes place! I would have updated sooner but dad wanted to tell everyone before I told "the world" and many relatives read her site so if you did not know and are related sorry for the "shock" in case dad is still making calls, OOOPS! you know shocking the elderly relatives this way may not be a good idea ...911...?LOL! they said they wanted no gifts and an internet email I got a few months back popped in my head and I said oh you need to get registered. they said for what I said you know at the local pharmacies for things like walkers, canes, geritol, ben gay! they are vital gifts at your age! they both laughed. so I will have a step mother soon and funny thing is she looks a bit like my mom.
well in closing please keep those in prayer who are newly diagnosed, still fighting, in remission and those families who now have angels in heaven. special prayers for Kody bear, he is such an inspiration and his family as well, he has started having problems from his micro glioma and will be facing major brain surgery Monday. also for a family I have just learned were expecting triplets and due to premature labor they lost one and the other two are fighting to live, (all boys) I went to school with the mothers brother, he passed away a few month after graduation from Muscular Dystrophy. please keep this family in your prayers. God speed, The Hannum family
Sunday, October 10, 2004 8:01 PM CDT Hello, Hannah had a very nice time at her LTN walk last Wednesday. she raised (so far) $2,305.00 and still has a few more to collect from. we did not hear from the candelighters about meeting Lance Armstrong last Friday so she did not get to meet Lance, maybe next time! the LTN walk was very moving and we were able to meet Angel Allie's team. Hannah passed out her angel pins and then went off to have her face painted (I hope the picture comes out!!) she had princess on her one cheek and very pretty sparkle paint and 'diamonds' on her forhead. she would not let me wash her face at all that night! I did get her to let me wash the princess off the next day. I had to let her play in the bathtub a bit longer Thursday evening and that worked in getting the other paint and jewels to fall off, she was NOT happy when she saw the jewels and beads floating in the water!
We saw a few of her nurses from the clinic and 8 North at the walk. after the walk we saw a news reporter but she was done filming for the news cast at 11 PM so we headed for home and saw some of the fireworks, Hannah would not let us leave until they started to go off and I knew she was very tired, I convinced her to get in the van and we could see them as we drove to a better spot. she was out like a light by the time we got out of the parking lot! I will be posting the pictures soon. I have both digital and 'hard copy' pictures, I will need to have them developed this week and have Mark send me the digital ones to post. depending on how many and how they came out I may have to just add a few at a time for a few weeks.
I have a copy of Hannah's commercial along with other blood recipients. the total time is 30 seconds set to an oldies tune and they show the recipients in normal everyday settings and homelife. nothing but the music and the recipients names and why they needed blood under the names like with Hannah, MDS leukemia another one was aplastic anemia. the commercial shows that all types of people and ages are affected and have been in need of blood transfusions.
Hannah's Make A Wish team contacted us to finalize dates for her trip set for February 21-27th 2005. He has a Mikey Mouse lamp for her and pictures of her on the billboards when she was on them a few months ago. just 4 short months and we will be in Disney watching Hannah see her dream of meeting Minnie Mouse and the Princesses live and in person! I will be taking many pictures. now to get these panic attacks under control... flying is not a biggy on my list! well to finish up this long winded and not too much information update. Hannah will be going to a farm this Wednesday and having a hayride and possibly picking a pumpkin with her preschool class, as well as her first bus ride! I will have to send a camera along with the teachers to take pictures for me, I have a Dr's appointment.
Pray for those newly diagnosed, those in treatment, those in remission, a cure, all the angels and their families taken all too soon as well as the oncolgists and medical staff and nurses who help take care and treat these kids. God speed. Holly & Hannah Banana
Tuesday, September 28, 2004 10:31 AM CDT Hello, like the new picture of "princess" Hannah? she is wearing her coveted "Pink Wish bracelet" in honor and support of her Banana buddy in Canada, Julianna Banana. I wanted to let you all know Hannah's appointment last Wednesday went great! she never cried when she had her finger 'poke', she giggled!! her counts are all good and this is after being in preschool for nealy a month now. she is loving preschool and meeting new friends to play with, more girls are now in her class so she has 7 girls and 17 boys in her class. a big preschool class indeed! if this is the preschool sized classes I wonder what the rest of her school years size of classes will be? she even has homework! she comes in and sits down right away to do her homework. what a difference between boys and girls.
Well we had a flooded basement again , Thanks (NOT!) to Ivan. Jean may or may not leave as much rainfall so we will see? my sisters basement was worse this time and they lost a bridge near her house and they had to close the street to her neighborhood. she lost all her holiday decorations, many other things and even her wedding gown. they had mud and yuk in there basement and cleaned for days. with no flood insurance not too sure what they will do. I think many people who never saw flooding near their homes before figured they did not need it, now they are thinkming twice. please pray for ALL the flood victims here and in Florida as well as ohter parts of the US that have been hit by all the hurricanes and flooding.
Hannah has reached her Light the Night goal!!! yeah!! whoohoo!! and beyond!!! Many thanks to all those who gave in Allie Scott's memory, with out you all Hannah would have fallen short of her goal. we now have to date.....$1,385.00 from online donatiions only. I have not finished collecting my other amounts out so that could be at least $350.00 or more!! Hannah is looking forward to the walk and her Dr. Shaw said he will try to stop over. I think it is wonderful when the doctors come to support these causes. I am sure they are among the first ones who want a cure along with the patients and families! we need a CURE!!
We had a fall turkey dinner her at the house Sunday and it was very nice, many friends and family came to enjoy a turkey dinner with all the fixins! Hannah played shy and did not want to socialize and eat with all of us, I think she was overwhelmed with the attention and so many people here at the house. we did this for a few years when we boated, a bunch of us would get together and cook a full turkey dinner each taking turns of who's boat to 'host on' and bring diffrent food dishes to share and we missed that since we changed docks and many of the "veteran" boaters sold and gave up boating! we had not boated at all last year or this year and the past few years the rivers have been full of trees and other debris so we really have gotten out as well. now Mark is selling the boats. after the flooding this year he feels it is time. we have the camper to keep us occupied for summer vacations and early spring and late fall trips.
I have been busy doing last minute things for her LTN and making angel pins! keeping up with daily tasks like housework, laundry and all that goes with it. running to pick up the kids from school and back to an almost 'normal' routine of grocery shopping, working out, erands and home time! even though I hate the laundry and cleaning tasks they need done daily and noone else would do it so I guess I am still needed! LOL! I look forward to the day I can go back to school and finish my degree or pick another one! nursing was my path and I may add computers to that list. 'normal' and planning ahead, who knew it came with so many turns and twists. then again life is an adventure, hang on for the ride of your life! hug and kiss your loved ones, celebrate life. pray for those newly diagnosed, fighting, those in remission, and those winning! pray for the families of those who have grown their angel wings or those about to. God Speed! ~ HOLLY ~
I will post again if I hear anything on Hannah meeting Lance Armstrong. ~Live Strong~
Sunday, September 19, 2004 3:37 PM CDT Hello, I had to come and journal today. when I went on Hannah's web page this morning and watched as my inbox filled up with active.com donations I just sat there in disbelief of what I was watching happen before my eyes. just a short time ago I was about to cut the losses and accept what we have done for Hannah's Helping Heroes team for the light the night leukemia walk so far and try again next year. the wonderful followers of a beautiful baby girl Allie Scott, who at just 9 months old lost a brave fight against AML leukemia 9-13-04 @ 11:05 PM, rallied together and in Allie's memory donated to Hannah's team!
I know her parents are proud to have had their last wishes for Allie fulfilled with the generous donations made to the leukemia society in Allie's memory. I am honored that they have come forward in such numbers for Hannah. Allie's spirit will shine (October 6th) brightly with a luminary we will have for Allie's memory. I know the generous donations will help fund a cure for leukemia and lymphoma, we need a cure, too many little ones earn angel wings too soon. I pray no parent would have to hear the words "your child has cancer" or grieve for the loss of their child. I pray that in the future the word cancer brings a better outcomes with NO sorrow, hurt and pain.
My emotions are so full today! I am in awe over the love felt and spread from one little angel. people who take time to read the caringbridge sites and getting to "know" the patient and families even though never meeting one another, is like an extended family. most with a caringbridge site can tell you. when one hurts we all hurt and when one wins we all win but the hardest is when one loses the battle and gains their angel wings, we all feel for the family and pray and that love and prayer is felt all over the caringbridge community. like a family who helps it's "own" in whatever way it can help it does and I felt it first hand today. God brings us together for a reason and the reason is to FIND A CURE!
Hannah is doing well and enjoyed 2 picnics this weekend, one for the oncology patients past and present treated at children's hospital along with the candlelighters in Pittsburgh and then later in the day the local VFW picnic. hey a whole day and I did not have to cook! speaking of cooking....Hannah will be filmed tomorrow for the Central Blood banks commercial airing on local television stations around Pittsburgh. I am not sure of the exact dates or times and for how long they will run the commercial, I hope to find all that information out tomorrow. during the shoot I will be either in the living room with Hannah playing a game or talking with her or in the kitchen cooking! Mark laughed and asked if that scene came with cooking instructions or just a smoke alarm! I can cook but burn one meal (ok more than one) and have the smoke detector go off and everyone is going around with a new word for my cooking "Hollyfied", and they wonder why I don't cook! LOL!
I am waiting on more information about Lance Armstongs trip to Pittsburgh on October 9th. the word from the candlelighters is they are looking for cancer survivors to welcome Lance into the city. I will post if more developes on this, how cool for Hannah if she gets to meet Lance Armstrong!!! a busy week that will be!!! October 4th Mark's birthday, Ocotber 3 Alcosan's (where Mark works) rescheduled open house (due to the flood from IVAN was rescheduled) October 6th Hannah's light the night walk, October 9th Lance Armstrong in Pittsburgh! what a week!! we can now breath some knowing her goal is with in reach and I have counted what I have here at the house ontop of the donations for her LTN thru active.com and she is around $825.00 this is not counting some donations still out from a few businesses and Mark's work along with the ongoing baby items I have for sale in the local paper to help her goal so I can say "I think we can I think we can"~ I KNOW we will reach her goal and maybe beyond!! Thank you to all who have donated! the true angels and heroes helping to find a cure. keep prayers going for those fighting, newly diagnosed, those in remission that they stay in remission and most of all for those who have grown their angel wings and their families. pray for those effected by Ivan and other storms these past weeks. God speed. ~ Holly~
Monday, September 13, 2004 0:45 AM CDT ******SEPTEMBER is childhood cancer awareness month********
Hello, I was here Saturday and just could not journal.....I read many web sites with those recalling what they were doing and how the world 'shut down' and then came together, here is my story from September 11.
I had been up getting Blake breakfast and rushing him off so he would not miss the bus and saw Mark off to work then Hannah woke up and I fed and changed her and held her as she fell back to sleep, all the while I was watching good morning america as we do every morning. I just put Hannah to bed and was deciding on what to do for the day when at the end of good morning america they interrupted with one of the twin towers was struck by a plane. I watched in horror as the second plane hit and I went numb..... two planes this is more than an accident but what was it and why??? then the pentigone was hit and other aircraft went missing the chaos was mounting and the panic just starting to set in. I called Mark at work and told him the news and he turned on the radio and told me to calm down he would be home later, then another plane hit near Sommerset county, close to us (we live in Beaver county) PA, I just said Dear God Help us. THE SCHOOLS what about the schools....should I go get Blake? I called my mom and dad and they were heading into Pittsburgh for mom's doctors appointments and wondered if they should go? they went and Mark called shortly after he would be let go early the whole plant would be... this was bad very very bad..... why? what? who? I sat and held the phone and watched the TV and wondered was this really happening???? did I just see thousands killed on national TV from the planes and now the towers falling? I watched the towers sway while the TV cameras filmed and at first thought it must be the camera shaking from the winds then I said they are not going to collaps... and then they started.... the people running.... the devistation was only begining and I sat and watched it all unfold live on TV and just cried and worried and then prayed. when everyone was safe at home we talked to Blake and wanted him to know that this was from bad people and we were safe and all I could think was how safe are we if this happened? We held tight and hugged and phoned relatives and prayed and prayed and prayed. the rest is history. God bless all those who were lost on 9~11 and the families and survivors as well as our soldiers still fighting for our freedom.
Hannah has started Preschool and LOVES it! she wants to go everyday! well Mark Hannah proved you wrong and has not been in the 'time out' or had a note sent home of her talking too much!! I have pictures on the digital camera however being computer challenged, Mark has to send them to me via his pc and then I will be able to upload them to the web page. things have been going well here and no more falls!!! the flooding has been an issue with all the rain we had last week from Florida's storms, our basement flooded (no damage just wet and musty...) but the house boat has been under a close watch as the river was running extremely fast as well as high and the beaver saw many boats and docks float off and float down the beaver and ohio rivers. our boat is holding in there. now we prepare for Ivan's rains and just pray no more flooding and fast waters! pray for those in Florida and other areas that have been hit from the past storms and Ivan.
I am at this point convinced I set Hannah's goals too high for the light the night walk.... we may break in around $300.00 and every penny counts, just disapointed we could not reach that $1,000.00 goal. we still have 3 weeks (or less) to get more donations in. we do have some walkers joining us and this year we may be off but God willing next year we hope to reach that goal! the ultimate goal is a CURE! I still read the websites some new some older but way too many become Angels. so many too young, we need a CURE! my friend Kim set up a large link for Hannah's donation page as well as the cancer stamp pettition (the petttion is for the stamp to be approved) so those of you willing and able please do not hesitate, donate and save lives help fund a cure. Thank you Kim!! Thank you for those who will be walking and those who have donated and those who pray for all of us. 'us' not only as in Hannah and the family but the many families here on caringbridge fighting, newly diagnosed, in remission and especially for those who have gone on with angel wings and their families left behind to mend.
I will post the new pictures soon *****new photos in album now September 14th*****(before Christmas)! I was going through all of Hannah's pictures and had a few sent in from past interviews and I hope to post some of those as well, so many pictures and so little knowledge on how to post them.....I am learning! OH!! Hannah's followup article and 'recovering and normalcy after tragedy"(something like that) was to be in Sunday's paper a few Sunday's ago then again this past Sunday and was not yet in however the reporter told me to look for it in Mondays' paper September 13. I am anxiously awaiting the paper boy now!!! I will have Kim (Thank You Kim!!) post the link when it is in the paper and on the online link at www.timesonline.com (this is the Beaver and Allegheny County Times newspaper) , also the book Hannah was photographed for back when she was in the hospital during her high dosed chemo June 03, America 24/7 Pennsylvania edition will be out September 27-28th. Thank you to Jason Cohn for the wonderful opportunity and for Pam his wife, for the photo's when the Post Gazette came for an interview last October.
next journal not so long! maybe.... I also sent off a few balloons and lit some candles this weekend for many. God Speed ~ Holly~
Friday, September 3, 2004 5:24 AM CDT Hello, school is uppon us once more. Blake started back Tuesday however not before the lump scare sending us into a worry mode, thankfully he and the lump are normal and doing just fine. now for Hannah.... she will start school Wednesday September 8th. I do not know who is more excited about preschool, me or her? she wakes up every morning with "good morning mommy, what day it is" (yes what day IT IS not IS IT). I say what day that it is and she then askes me what day do I go preschool and when I tell her how many more days and on Wednesday she lights up and shouts yeah,I can go play with new friends and go to school.
Hannah could not let her brother out do her in before school start scares so last night just after dinner Hannah took a nice tumble down the loft stairs so to the ER we went! we had gotten a Ferret and was about to take him for his first 'getting used to the leash walks' and Mark and Blake were busy finishing packing the camper for their trip to VA to visit Marks brother and his wife. Mark had left with the van (I did not know he left)while the truck had the camper hooked up and ready to go and Blake was finishing cutting the grass with the ride on mower (very noisy!). Hannah was outside with me and the ferret (Bart) and Wendy when she asked where Mark was. I had not looked in the driveway for the van thinking well he was here a minute ago so maybe he went in the house or his loft. Hannah took that as her cue to go find daddy, she knows not to go up the loft stairs alone and must have mommy, daddy or brother helping her up and down so she does not fall or get hurt. Blake came around with the tractor and I picked up the ferret and moved Wendy out of the way and noticed Hannah was no longer behind me? I looked at the back part of the yard (we live on a road that cars zoom by way too fast, I worried she went near the road) and did not see her and went to go into the house looking for her when she came out of the garage holding her head crying she fell down the stairs!!!
I scooped her up and took her to the loft stairs and asked her how many steps she went up and fell down from and got several answers. the first time it was 2-3 steps up and the next time it was the whole way! I ran into the house and by this time Blake had finished with the grass and put the mower away. she left my side when Blake came around with the mower and went into the loft then to look for Mark, because of the loud mower I did not hear her fall or cry out she fell so while I looked for her in the back yard and then headed to the house is when she fell and then came out from the garage (loft) crying, this was about 3-5 minutes from the time she left my side. I knew then she did not lose consiousness and now worried what parts she hit from falling down.
I took her inside the house to look closer at her head and other parts that she said she hit and hurt. her eyes were beet red from crying and right away I felt a big bump on her right side of her head above her ear then saw her right arm looked a bit banged up and had a scrape on it. I had her hold a bag of ice on her head while I called the pediatricians office knowing it was after hours and would need to call the ER number. Blake had come in to find me a bit frazzled and asking him to find his dad. he said the van is gone so I had him call his dads cell phone using my cell phone, he never answered. while I waited the call back from the ER lines doctor I changed Hannah's outfit and found her right shin bone had a very nasty blue bruise with a large lump on it. I asked her if that hurt and she said yes and started to cry again this time saying she was dizzy and had a bad headache. the doctor called back and said we should take her to the ER and have some x-rays just to make sure she does not have a fractured head and leg and see if she has active bleeding.
I know her counts were good from her last clinic visit but my stomach was in a knot thinking about how brittle her bones could be after the chemotherapy she had last year. I would not feel comfortable without and x-ray and possibly getting counts again. since Mark was 'missing' and the truck was hooked and ready to go with the camper on the back I called my dad (Thanks dad!!!) I changed my shirt and had Blake call every place I could think Mark would have gone and he was going to stay home to wait for Mark just as Hannah and I were getting ready to walk out to the porche to wait on my dad Mark came home! Blake had gone out to grab Hannah's car seat from the truck for me and told Mark when he pulled in Hannah had taken a bad fall. I am sure by Blake's description Mark was expecting blood and was releived to find her alert and quiet holding ice on her head. he then asked a few questions and turned to yell at Hannah for not listening about the stairs but I stopped him before he had her upset and said this can wait till we get back from the ER!
I was mad at Mark and always feared one day she would take a tumble down the loft stairs now that she has (I hope a lesson learned...) I told Mark again I do not care how much of a pain in the butt it was to continually lock the door to the loft and that it should have been done all along and Hannah's fall might have been prevented. I then said I was not standing around waiting on my dad and Mark said lets go then and I knew he was wanting to finish packing for his trip so I said no I will go with Hannah you and Balke stay here and finish. I was still angry and needed the time away to cool down and focus on Hannah. I pulled out of the drive way and my dad had pulled in, I knew Mark would explain Hannah did not look bad and would be fine and he could go home now so I kept going.
The total time I was at home from the call to MArk getting back and me leaving with Hannah was less than 15 minutes. we got to the hospital and Hananh started to cry thinking she was going to get a shot and I said no you just need a few special pictures taken then we can go home. she was upset mostly that this was not HER hospital! we checked in and did not wait too long before we were called back into a room however as we waited I read Hannah a children's book and she fell asleep! I woke her up and she was mad because she was tired between the crying and not taking a nap, I was worried with her hitting her head and they always say never let them fall asleep!
The ER doctor had come in asking about her health and agreed with the chemotherapy she may have a fracture so off to the CT scan and x-ray departments we went. Hannah did wonderful and held still the whole time she was x-rayed and had the head CT done. I promised her ice cream on the way home for holding very still. she charmed everyone she met or saw while there and all the x-rays came back good, no breaks, fractures, or brain bleeds or bleeds anywhere else! I was releived but asked about a blood count and since her counts were good from the clinic visit a few weeks ago she felt it was not needed and I knew what to watch for. I also did not want to put Hannah through several pokes to get a blood draw from her, being they would not do just a finger stick, last time she was there (when she was diagnosed)they poked her 3 times before finding a vein. she was discharged and we were on our way home!
Hannah reminded me about the ice cream so we stopped and she got her favorite flavor, cotton candy explosion! her lump on her head is nearly gone as is the scrape on her arm. the lump and briuse on her shin will take a while to heal and the ER doc said it may lok worse before looking better. the bruise and lump are on the same leg and same area where she had her initial blue bruise and lump back before and during her diagnosis. I almost 'lost it' when they wheeled Hannah back up to her room we passed the room my mother was in and talk about your flash backs!!! we had to wait on another gurnee (sp?) to pass us before we could move and I looked over at the room and realized it was the same room mom was in the night she passed away and I guess I froze for a few seconds because the nurse had to tap my arm to 'snap me out of it'.
she said where did you go.. I said, choking back tears, that was the room my mother was in last year. the nurse then asked what for, so I told her the week we had Hannah home from the hospital after diagnosis and her first treatment, mom took what we thought was another stroke. all this the day after our family pet was hit and killed and on and during Hannah's third birthday party, she said talk about stress! she asked how I was doing and what I was taking.....I said I was put on mild nerve pills that I carry around with me at all times because I never know when a panic attack will happen and they do! I also said mom was ill and had one thing after another since her stroke including diabetis and the problems that go with long term diabetic as the kidneys were going and her mental state was starting to faulter so she is now Hannah's gaudian angel and at peace.
I am glad Hannah's fall turned out to be mild and now we have ended the summer officially with me having earned several more white hairs soon to make their debut!! Mark called as we left the ice cream place then I remembered, oh that's who I needed to call!! we got home around 9 PM and Mark met us at the door, Hannah knew she had done a bad thing by going up on the stairs and I still did not want to takle that issue nor did I want Mark to get into with her at that moment. I heard him start off saying Hannah why did you try to go into my loft when you know your not allowed, the tears started to well up in her eyes and I said ENOUGH! Hannah go get ready for your bath and when she left the room I said don't you think the fall was enough for her today? do you think you can just drop it and agree the door needs locked and he said no to both and I said well for now the case and issue is closed! I am sure this sore spot will boil over again, Mark hates to lock and unlock the door or fogets to lock it more than half of the time so I will just need to make sure she does not go anywhere near the garage while outside playing or looking for her dad!
I know a long journal, just trying to get it all off my chest... sorry to vent..... feeling better now! I even joined Curves so I have a place to go for me and work on me once again. I will have a place to go and cry while Hannah is in preschool as well as when the issue of the locked door rears again. Mark always has his "escapes' like the loft, the pool and dart nights, his dads and even work! I have home with the kids, shopping with the kids, errands with the kids, do not get me wrong I love my kids (the jury is still out on how I feel about Mark right now...just kidding LOL!) so when my good friend "shopping Suzie" (Hannah calls her that) put the idea about working out together again I said YES! I hate to work out alone and really enjoyed the girl time we shared (even though we could and still do talk on the phone for hours...)now it will be all women, no men and no kids, no animals, sanity for 30 minutes!!! I might even lose a few pounds what a bonus.
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here is the address again for the light the night campaign still going on through September 20-25th that is the week they will be collecting the donations. you may donate up to October 6th to go towards Hannah's Helping Heroes team. they will be taking donations year round so keep donating!
www.active.com/donate/Pittsburgh/HHannum
Thank you all who have donated, no amount is too small! I will post again next week hopefully with new pictures from summer and pre school now that my pc SEEMS to be fixed? keep those in prayer who are just diagnosed, fighting, winning and the families of those who have lost their battle to this disease. God speed. ~~~~~HOLLY~~~~~
Friday, August 27, 2004 9:01 AM CDT Hello, sorry for the late updates.....between computer problems (another virus or worm?) keeping busy here and there time does fly! I was depressed by so many earning their angel wings these past few weeks, I stayed away from the computer for a whole week and only answered my e-mails. Hannah was interviewed last Thursday for the Beaver County Times and should be in the Sunday paper August 29th. the article is about getting back to "normal" after something like cancer hits the family, others will be in it as well. Blake is getting ready for school, he starts next Tuesday August 31. he will be in the middle school this year and the High school next year... wow! he is getting older....OH that means I am too darn! I can see the wrinkles and a few white hairs and well lets face it gravity has not been too nice and the number 40 is slowly creeping up on me another 4 years 3 1/2 months yikes!
we had a bit of a scare little over a week ago, Blake woke up around 2 Am nervous and near tears and I asked him what was wrong he said he had a lump and it was sore. at first I was puzzled about this lump then he showed me where it was, his right breast around the nipple area. well alarms went off in my head and and I did not want him to worry and he said mom is this cancer and cried! I said Blake one thing we learned this whole year is not to worry until the doctor says to and do not make conclusions until you have all the results. he asked a billion and one questions like will I need surgery, have a port like Hannah, need to have needle sticks and blood draws and chemotherapy.....I said first we have to get some sleep then call the doctor in the morning to make an appointment. he said with Hannah's Dr. Shaw and I said no but I will ask him some questions being her appointment was that Wednesday and if I was not sure about the pediatricians answer.
when I called I spoke to a new receptionis/nurse and she was not familiar with Hannah's medical records nor Blake's so we played the 20 questions game and she said she had nothing in any office that day or the next! I said can you take down this information and share it with the doctors there now and get back to me on what I should do? with Blake's ADHD I was worried he would get into a frenzie if we waited a few days and I was nervous about that lump and did not want to wait either.she found out about Hannah having leukemia and just finishing treatments and said OH no wonder your wanting to have this looked at right away.... well duh!
she put me on hold and Blake's pediatrician was in the office that day (unusual for him to be in that office)so she asked if we could be there as close to 4 PM that day and I said yes we will be there. Mark had called that morning and I told him about Blake and this lump so he ended up calling back to let me know he would be there as well. he was concerned as well and when he called me back letting me know he would also be there I started to feel pretty darn scared! I knew Blake was scared and with all the cancer information we all digested over the past year and half I was sure he was thinking of all the treatments one would go through. well we were there just before 4 PM and we waited and waited and waited! at 5:10 PM we were called back and after he looked at both breasts and checked lymph node areas under arms and groin he said this is normal hormonal changes and he is in stage 2 of his 5 stages of puberty! whew!!! he said the tissue around the breast for some boys developes this is from weight, genes, and also hormones producing more of the female hormone. we were told if this was to bother him having "man boobs" later he could have a breast reduction around 18-19 years old. all he heard was surgery and we said this may not be an issue once your done developing into your puberty this may take care of itself. needless to say we were all relieved and the doctor said he understood our fears after going through with Hannah's leukemia.
I had another panic attack Wednesday morning.... this one woke me up and was not as severe as they have been. I was trying to figure out why I had one that morning and well I had many reasons, Stress, Blake's scare, Hannah just had her appointment and that checked out fine (normaly I would have had one before her appointment), my sleeping has been off again up too late and not sleeping well when I do sleep, I went on another 18 mile bike ride and survived!! LOL! I also was looking at her light the night funds and we may break $100.00 so our goal will fall way short of the $1,000.00 we wanted to raise for Hannah's Helping Heroes team. I think that threw me over the edge from worry to not much time left to raise the other $900.00 dollars! here is the link for those who would like to donate to a good cause, http://www.active.com/donate/Pittsb/HHannum I checked on that site and saw not one penny was donated yet... when we got all the information so many people wanted to help and offered to donate and well now I am seeing dusty trails. I guess so many people get slammed to donate for this and donate for that and with school starting businesses are already donating for them and football season... then I thought well football, school, these are some of the things so many kids won't be able to do because of this darn disease taking them away or the treatments keeping them from school and friends. so would'nt it make sence to donate to the Leukemia society so we can fight this disease and WIN????
UGH!! sorry sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me..... I hope to turn my emotions into a positive thing and help others, when you go through having a child diagnosed and treated for cancer it touches you in such a way you have to reach out and help, help fund a cure, tell your story so others can relate and help to inform people who have not had cancer touch their lives understand just what one goes through from diagnosis to remission or hearing of a loss. I think this has been why I always say yes to interviews and blood bank speaking engagements as well as letting Hannah be on the campaigns for them and the commercials. I have been asked about all the PR for Hannah and how that has effected us and I said we are not "paid" for doing anything and this is our way of giving back and helping others and if by Hannah saying on TV or the radio or speaking engagements 'Thank You for my Blood' and just one person understands and donates we helped to save 3 lives and make many aware of the importance of a blood donation and telling Hannah's story and having someone donate to the leukemia and cancer society and registering for the bone marrow registry is a step in the right direction. I have faults and flaws I make mistakes I am human....and if by me being me and human and people see just how our lives were effected during Hannah's diagnosis and treatments my goal is not for pitty us it is to HELP others and find a cure and if that is a mistake (which I know it is not) then I am at fault and I am sorry to have imposed or offended you.
I still worry about Hannah and pray she stays healthy and in remission. yes she is in remission and that can change with one drop of blood so I wait and worry, a little less each day that passes yet that is the first thing on my mind when I wake in the morning and go to sleep at night. I am like many others Thankful for every day we have been given and with our children. our family is now a part of a larger family and our family has grown as well, sad to have expanded it by a disease and I know not one of us wish this on anyone and we all would change the diagnosis from that dreaded "C" word to a Cold in a heart beat or a single shed tear and we are all brought here for a reason and only HE knows. we live one day at a time and survive the best we can. on that I will close and wish you all a good day and a better tomorrow. God speed. ~~~~~Holly~~~~~
Thursday, August 12, 2004 11:41 AM CDT Hello, The "Marshall" Family reunion is now over....a nice time and lots of food and fun! I am so glad it is now over, we did not get to visit so much this year as we hosted it and when you are the "hosting family" the work seems to never get done! we had the pavillion cleaned up and gone by 6 PM! sad when we could have stayed to visit had everyone else stayed. they ate, played games, visited and bid on the wondeful auction items this year. when we finally left my dads house after making sure what was left over was divided and cleaned up and put away it was after 11 PM! I stayed to see my brother since he was leaving the next day back to CA.
We missed mom this year and many other relatives who passed on, every year the family gets smaller. cherrish the time you have with your family old or young get to know them, talk with them and listen to them. don't hold grudges, this only brings heartache and pain, as well as lost time.
Hannah has been keeping busy and active!! I think she and I are still worn out from all the fun and last minute reunion shopping we did and all the late nights we had getting ready for it and visiting family from out of town. Hannah will be in a commercial for the blood bank, they will film it in September sometime, I will keep you posted when it will be on. Hannah will also be back in the Beaver County Times (not sure if that will run in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette and Allegheny county Times too?) they will be doing a follow up story on her and how the family goes back to "normal" or what "normal" now is after a life altering change happens in a family. I will also post when that is to run, the interview will be here at our house August 19th at 10 AM.
Hannah is officially enrolled and ready for pre-school! I don't think I am ready or ever will be ready!! we went yesterday so she could see the room and she was soo excited! she said mommy the chairs and tables have all colors on them.....and they are little like me....they have toys here to play with.......can I have friends here. I had a tear in my eye thinking ahead to when I drop her off for the first time September 8th. I know she will run in and want to start playing and have no worry about me leaving. I will be in the parking lot crying.....in a good way. missing her and knowing she is growing up and doing "normal" things like preschool. in a way this will be a big step forward to putting last year further behind us. I was planning for her to start last fall then in March that changed everything!
Mark has bets she will come home the first day or within the first week with a note saying she talks too much!!! I said she is our social 'butterfly' and she does get infront of a camera on and off the TV, speaks to a group of people thanking them for her blood and had done a radio commercial. Mark also thinks for show and tell she will lift her dress up without a second thought and show where her "tubies" where! LOL! I have been working on her with raising her hand to ask a question or to let the teacher know she has to go to the potty. I have been telling her to not just speak out loud and it was not nice to do that when someone else is talking. I have also told her over and over to never lift her dress up unless she was on the potty! we'll see what happens!
I have a link I will add for her Light The Night Walk. if you cannot click on it and go there you will have to type it in the address bar on your browser, this will take you to her light the night web page where you can donate directly online for her goal. she has to date $65.00 and we are still raising funds daily with help from family, friends and Marks co-workers as well. I think this is just like a pay pal secure online way to donate. I have a T-shirt design ready if enough people want them I will go ahead and order them. they will be $15.00 each and the price will go to Hannah's light the night as well. the saying is Hannah's kicking cancers butt. cute.....Mark does not seem too into that saying however that is the truth!!!
I have so many Thank you's to send out, for the donors at the blood drive, the helpers who have signed up to walk with Hannah (it's not too late just send me your name and number to my e-mail and I will send you the information) those helping to make a difference by donating so we can FIND A CURE! I have yet to hit up our local businesses and with school starting in 2 weeks the first week after school is in they all get slammed with the schools fund raisers! so I think I need to hit them up now!! Thank you to those who keep sending cards and things for Hannah, she loves her mail!! Hannah will soon be inducted into the Famous PINK WISH BRACELET WALL OF FAME!
we have been keeping up with many other caring bridge sites and this little Canadian girl (Hannah's age) Julianna Banana Josephson (you really need to go to her site for a great read and awsome information to other cb sites as well as a laugh, told by her dad in everyones words..)www.caringbridge.org/canada/julianna/indexhtm if this is not right I will try to post it at my links on the bottom of my page when I learn how to!!! she has these pink wish bracelets you can ask for so you can help wish her well and Hannah sent her some angel pins and now has a pink wish bracelet! I will be posting a picture here and to Julianna's dad with Hannah Banana wearing hers, they are Banana buddies from across the globe!
well I need to run Wendy to the vet doctors for her "immunizations", Hannah said she would hold Wendy's paw and maybe if Wendy is good and holds real still Hannah said she would ask the vet if Wendy can have a lollipop! here is the link for the light the night site for donations: http://www.active.com/donate/ltnPittsb/HHannum
please e-mail me if you have trouble with these sites I have listed in the journal, I am still learning! as always, please pray for those who are newly diagnosed, those fighting, those winning and mostly for those who have passed on and the families and those growing their angel wings, may they have a peaceful flight into God's awaiting arms. Hannah has a clinic appointment Wednesday August 18th at 11 AM, I will post soon after and with new pictures by then! ~ Holly & Hannah Banana ~
Monday, August 2, 2004 11:36 PM CDT Hello, UGH!! Third time is a charm? I tried updating Hannah's web page Friday and had it nearly done when our power went out and that lasted 6 Hours!! I tried again Saturday and during the typing something happened and I again lost the whole update?? not sure if that was my error or caringbridge error as some caringbridge sites have been running slow or not at all well? I have this photo print advertisement and have no clue how it got there nor how to remove it???? I am 0nce again going to attempt to update and if your reading this then I was able to! yeah :)
Hannah had another hair cut and looks like a princess (her words)and I went and had Blake's and mine cut as well so we are all ready for school this fall.....27 days and counting yippee! we pulled the camper back home Sunday and since the weather was nice (hot and humid...) we decided to not waste the day and headed out on the Lisbon Ohio bike trails. I thought a few miles would be fine, even up to 5 miles but Mark and Blake had other plans. after mile marker 7 (and most was a steady climb)my butt and upper legs had enough! Mark said at every marker just 3 more miles keep going... Blake would speed ahead and Hannah was in the pull behind cart on Mark's bike so I was left behind a few times to catch up. well when we hit mile marker 9 I said I am going back or waiting for you to bring the truck and pick me up! don't get me wrong I am not at all against exercise and beleive you me I can stand to lose 150# or more.......ok maybe 100#. Mark and Blake tried to convince me to go a little more and I said look >>>> I am not in physical shape to do a mini tour de france (yet) and biking is fine but going from a quick ride through the neighborhood a few months ago and a ride arounbd the camp site to and from the bath houses does not have me ready for a cold heat ride of 18 miles round trip! so I guess you can say I won? not to mention the heat, humidity, and freaking mosquitto's! oh my legs.... I did feel more energy and was wide awake at 3 AM- 5:45 AM due to horrible leg pains, oh yeah and Hannah kicking me out of bed!
We were back at the truck about 7:30 and my legs hurt and my butt muscles are very tender and sore even with a nice padded seat! ok I hear my family and friends laughing and Mark cringing at the details.... so that was our Sunday ;)
we are very busy this week with family arriving and getting ready for the big family reunion this Sunday. we are planing on hitting Kennywood park maybe Thursday (depending on the weather) and a few other places like the Zoo? a very nice canteen volunteer won 2 tickets to the Pittsburgh Zoo (Thank you!!)and gave them to Blake and Hannah so we will plan on taking the kids there before school starts. we are also heading to Nashville Tennessee to visit some 'family friends' for a few days. as I planned the trip I did not realize I will be gone for our 13th wedding anniversary August 16 (ooops! and you thought only the guys forgot!) Mark said go ahead and go since it does fall on Monday this year and the kids really liked it a few years ago, so we will be back on the 16th or 17th as Hannah has a clinic visit on the 18th. planning to pack as much fun in all the way to the very last week of summer! now that's catching up for you!
************************************************************Once again I need HELP!!! I need DONATIONS (any amount), WALKERS and SPONSORS (any amount), Prayers Hannah can reach her goal for her light the night Leukemia and Lymphoma Society walk on Wednesday, October 6th 2004 at Heinz Field 5:30 PM. ALL the funds will go to help find a CURE, ANY amount would be appreciated. Hannah's gaol is $1,000.00 so far she has $45.00 and all collections need be turned in the week of September 20th (subject to change). to pay by check make check out to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and mail to me: Holly Hannum 543 Shenango Road, Beaver Falls, PA 15010 on the memmo section please put Team- "Hannah's Helping Heroes". I will also be selling Hannah's Angel pins for $2.00 each so if you would like one please e-mail me and BE PATIENT.... 50 pins takes me about 2 hours to make them!!! I am already behind 50 pins! more are in the making. I may ask to have you send a stamped self addressed envelope (small padded one) so I may send it back faster (not so many trips to the post office, but more time making the pins!). if you have already requested one (or more) and I sent you an e-mail reply that I will send it they will be sent after we return from Tennessee, mid August.
Please keep all the caringbridge families in prayer, those just starting the journey, those in remission, those who have relapsed and moslty for the families who have lost or are losing a loved one.
things do have a habbit of happening in threes >>>>>> my clothes dryer, after 13 hard working laborous years and growing loads had to have emergency surgery..... a broken belt! I am still waiting on the parts so I can once again do laundry at home and not the laundramat. only good thing there is the loads get done quicker with the use of multiple washers and dryers. Hannah likes to watch the large front loaders wash and spin. Blake likes to ride the carts around and check for loose change. then the electric went out for 6 hours the next day. so this is why my update is later than what I wanted....my comfortable summer loafers finally became uncomfortable and need replaced. all in all not a 'bad' set of threes! Hannah is doing well and her next appointment I will be asking many questions about resuming her immunizations. I had more to add and did a few times.... however I have forgotten and will be updating again after the reunion, our trip to Tennessee and Hannah's next clinic appointment on August 18th. I swear Hannah has had more energy since stopping the Bactrim nearly a month ago? well it is now after 2 AM and the bed is calling my name....(YAWN) many things left to do this week. hug your kids even when they drive you nuts and when they think and say 'I'm too big', or no not now hug them longer and harder. see a more upbeat journal this time. ~Holly & Hannah
Thursday, July 22, 2004 3:30 PM CDT Hello, I hope everyone is enjoying a safe and happy summer. we are doing well here and Hannah's now off ALL medication!!! yeah!!! no more pink bactrim!!! Hannah saw me putting her bottle of medicine away and she asked me 'mommy what day is it?' meaning she thought since I had her bottle of medicine it was again her day to take it! I told her no she was done with her medicines and she just had this look on her face like OH wow! her blood counts were very good at her last appointment 2 weeks ago and I thought she would have a 6 month break to the next appointment but where I got that from??? anyway she will continue every month with her blood counts and check ups with Dr. Shaw :) and we do not mind at all! makes me breathe better knowing a month time goes fast and my minds is at ease when the counts are checked every month. Hannah has been getting much better on her finger pokes as well, not sure if that is due to daddy AND brother being there and daddy now holding her while she chooses what diget will get the poke, or she is just setteling into that routine and realizing this is her norm. she still amazes me daily and this setteling into routine shows just how she goes on and adapts.
The blood drive was a nice one and Thanks to WDVE and the many donors that came out to save lives! over 222 came in and out of that 168 pints will now go on to save 504 lives!!! Hannah was there to thank the many who came out including all the hard working nurses and staff that collected the blood and do the important interviews. she handed out her 'infamous' angel pins to those kind enough to donate. we were there the whole day and Hannah helped me to make more angel pins as the supply was running LOW! for those who would like and angel pin you may write to me or call and I will see what I can do about getting them out to the 'general population and beyond!". many have been urging me to 'charge' for them and I never gave it much thought as these pins were a token of thanks and appreciation for those who helped Hannah in some way and then they really took off and many others started to ask for them and soon we would be making them for blood drives and Hannah's speaking engagemnts and now well..... the demand keeps growing and growing and growing! several families we met while Hannah was in Children's for her treatment started to ask about them and we gave many out to famlies and patients as well.
I am now going to put a 'price' on the angel pins so Hannah's team: "Hannah's Helping Heroes" can have more donations for her light the night walk Wednesday October 6th at Heinz Field. all proceeds from the sale of her angel pins will go to the leukemia and lymphoma society and the asking donation will be $2.00 a pin (but more will gladly be accepted!!) a rough estimate for the cost of just 50 pins is $6.98 with a few beads (halo's) and little gold saftey pins left over to do several more. the ribbon and paper clips (angel bodies) run out first. I buy the ribbons, safety pins and beads at wal mart and the paper clip bodies at staples. every few weeks as the supply runs low. the time it takes me to make about 50 (once all the ribbon is cut to size and pins, clips and beads counted and in a pile at the ready) takes me about 2 hours with minimal interruptions. my hands are what pays the price making the 4 knots per angel pin! did not think ache hands would happen for several more years...LOL! oh well a few pains in the hands for a good cause is fine with me!
I am now focussing on the Light The Night walk and please if you want to donate funds you can send me a check made out to the leukemia and lymphoma society and on the memmo line please put down for Hannah's Helping Heroes. sent to Holly Hannum 543 Shenangor rd. Beaver falls PA 15010, also if yoiu would like to walk with Hannah and the team please just leave me a message @ 724-847-4211 or 412-974-9412 with your name and phone number and that you would like to walk with Hannah's team so we can have a list of who will be there (and so the leukemia society can plan for refreshments) for Hannah BEFORE September 25, this is also when the funds raised will be turned in (funds will be accepted during the walk as well as a short time after) by turning the funds in before the walk this makes it easier and less of a hassle for those walking. for those wanting to know why I set a goal of $1,000.00 the leukemia society has broken down the cost (this is just SOME of the expences)$38.00 (antinausea med.)$54.00 (low grade chemotherapy) $67.00 (screening for a bone marrow donor)$86.00 (blood analysis) $115.00 (blood transfusion---keep in mind during treatments a child may require several in a day!) $210.00 (daily salary for med researcher) $430.00 (blood chromosome analysis) when adding this up the total is ...YEP $1,000.00!
treating Cancer is expencive yes and so is finding a cure! we have to find a cure so many lives cut short way too soon and leaving behind a grieving family to pick up the shattered pieces and the questions left unanswered along with broken hearts. I have been reading web site after website and finding so many who have lost the battle and so many more losing as I type this. I cannot begin to immagine how the families go on after such loss, my heart goes out to each of them and I pray for them all. a cure is needed so no parent would hear the words "your child has cancer" or your child has relapsed and the cancer is back and the most unimaginable words " nothing left we can do but make them as comfortable as possible, hospice". Cancer such a nasty word, how it has the ability to come into the lives with no invitation and tear into the whole family leaving destruction along the way, like a tornado with no set path just touching and destroying so many with little or no warning.
I am sorry to vent, I guess I have been reading way too many websites where the battles have been lost and so many still losing and with so so many different types of cancer. I saw a little girl in the store same age as Hannah and she was doing the same things with her mother as Hannah does with me while shopping like making sure the money does not 'fall out of the ATM' and as I was in line behind them for the ATM I could not help but notice the little girls shoes were on the wrong feet! a classic Hannah move as well and I could not resist saying to her how my daughter does that as she wants to be independant. I think the mom was a bit embarrassed and I said must be a 4 year old thing! I have been wanting to update and as time went on the blood drive was upon us so I figured I would wait and see how that went. I think quite well and still many unable to donate from last falls Chi-Chi's hepatitis outbreak both with exposure or the shot given for exposure.
we will be camping again this weekend and I cannot believe next weekend will be the end of July and first of August! pre school will be starting soon and Hannah will be having her immunizations started once again. I have many reservations about her resuming them and until I have concrete answers from Dr. Shaw and her pediatrcians as well as researching the actual positive and negatives of them and speaking to several other cancer patients and families I will not rest. Hannah had some hives show up within a minute of her 2 year old immunizations and I did not agree with the explaination the pediatician gave me, he said "it was the wet alcohol on the skin as the nurse gave the shot irritating the site as the alcohol probably got inside with the needle when the shot was given" I was to give her benadril when we got home and just watch her! I said to him I can see ONE hive right at the site of the shot but 5 and in the surrounding areas??? she seemed fine and he listened to her chest and breathing because I insisted on it and insited on staying for 20 minutes after her 'reaction' Hannah seemed fine so I did take her home and give her benadril and a bath. the hives did go away by the time we got home but that was the last shot she had for her immunizations then she was diagnoses less than a year later with her leukemia and Mosaic Down Syndrome. I can only wonder if her reaction was due to the down syndrome or leukemia or both? she does seem to be sensative to things as we found out during her treatments and medicines she was on and how she reacted to them, again would this be from the leukemia or mosaic down syndrome or both? one of my questions I want answered before she has another immunization!
I promise a more upbeat update next time! for now I am off to do something even if to just read a book or fold the never ending pile of laundry!
Hannah's next appointment is August 18th @ 11:30 Am and in between that time we will be camping, going to another speaking luncheon, I am sure more drive in movies,our family reunion for the Marshall side (my side) and maybe a trip to Tennesee to visit some family friends. packing in as much fun as possible! take care and God bless. PLEASE continue to pray for Hannah's remission and good health and for those fighting, winning and most for those who have just started the fight and those who have lost and their families for strength to get them through and faith to keep them going. I know first hand you cannot deal with cancer alone, the many prayers and help from others, especially the warm wishes left on the guest book that keep you going. love, Holly
Monday, July 12, 2004 12:56 AM CDT HELLO! Well what a summer indeed! sunshine (finaly) along with the heat and humidity....who said getting a perm was goood idea???LOL! well we have been keeping quite busy around here and went to the local camp grounds just 5 miles away! so we are camping in our "back yard..." for a month and loving it! we come and go from camper to house and go swimming and get housework done (house is much neater when no one is here to mess it up!) cooking out on the grill and having the toasted mar~mallows and who can forget the Jiffy pop pop-corn over the camp stove! Hannah is thrilled we are feet away from the playground. she has been the cheif merry-go-round pusher and sand box queen (her sand toys!)she is sharing and busy making many new friends. the catching up on summer last year has been a blast for Hannah.
Blake was asking since we have the camp grounds for a month could he have his friends over and we said alright so as I was packing for our return to the camper that night Blake was busy calling his friends. he tried a get together before but as boys go they want it now today or tonight not plan for the next weekend!! most often not all could come over or they scrub for another time, well guess what NOT this time!UGH!!! what was I thinking...... 4 pre teen boys.... FOOD what do I need for them.... and lets just go completely INSANE..... have them over for a few days and take them to the drive in too! well Blake Hannah and I along with Blake's 3 friends headed to the camper around 3 PM on Wednesday and yep... it RAINED!! after they put up the tent and threw all the clothes and bedding inside they dissappeared! just over to the playground and the mud puddles...OH the mothers would sure string me up sending them home with such messy clothes....I was cringing the boys were in heaven!
Hannah had a few bug bites on her legs a week or so before from camping and seemed to have some more popping up, HMMM, well off to return the boys and go to a meeting, I thought. I was sidetracked to the ER for a bee sting while returning the one boy so we all loaded up and heading to the ER thanks to my dad being so close! so after an IV push VS a complete hookup to the bag of fluids we were out by 1:40 PM GEE only a little over 3 HOURS....my dad took the boys to his house and MArk stayed with me and hannah at the ER and I put calls into Hannah's pediatric doc and Dr. Shaw. came home fed the boys and got ready for more camping-we invited the boys an extra day due to Wednesdays rain and late start as well as my side tracking trip to the ER- (can you hear the joy in my typing...NOT) while at Home Dr. Shaw called to ask her symptoms and when the bumps started (at first he thought she was JUST exposed..) then he said see her pediatrician and in the mean time he would call in a antiviral med if they are chicken pox. I already had a late evening appointment for her that night so we just needed to wait.
At the appointment the (new) female doctor checked her over and I briefed her on her medical history and on all immunizations the chicken pox vaccination is given at 1 year old so she would have had it. with the chemo she could be suseptable but think if these are chicken pox she is not contagious and has a mild case but a bazzar pattern not the normal torso to limbs spreading but a few on arms and legs and hands then face. the legs were all healed over so it was as if it went toe to head skipping the belly. a call was made to the hemoc team and all decided to do a CBC and just wait out the weekend and if a fever happend or she got worse and complained of tummy and back pain go to children's. the CBC WAS excellent!! HER COUNTS ARE GREAT!! WHEW.... a bit nervous with knowing she may have something going on like the chicken pox. so we just wait and go see DR. Shaw Wednesday as planned? with Hannah things are never by the book!!! so we are enjoying summer, camping, cooking out friends and family, all the stuff summers should be packed with, Love, FUN, FUN and FUN!
************BLOOD DRIVE INFO**********BLOOD DRIVE INFO******
The Blood drive will be Wednesday July 21, from 11 AM-7 PM at the BEaver Valley Mall, center court. if you can donate and be there PLEASE DO!!! this is the WDVE big summer blood drive tied into Hannahs honorary blood drive. if you can give call me @ 724-847-4211 leave a message if I am not home just to let me know yes you will plan on donating. every pint is a life line for many! if you do not donate and can please do every 56 days. get on the bone marrow registry as well.
*************LIGHT THE NIGHT*******
I am still planning on the goal of $1,000.00 and to date we have a whopping $25.00 , a good start.... so if interested please contact me, if you wish to just donate that is fine if you wish to walk (October 6th) I need a name and phone number. if donating by check or money order make it out to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. they can be sent here @ 543 Shenango rd. Beaver Falls, PA 15010
on the memmo you can put for "Hannah's Helping Heroes" team.
sorry for the lenghty update just doing laundry and home things today and felt like typing a longer update. will update as well after her clinic appointment later this week. take care and have a safe and happy summer. remember to keep all those just diagnose & fighting in prayer, ones who are in remission for continued remission and those who have lost the battle, those families in prayer. God Bless, hugs and kisses. Hannah & family
Monday, July 5, 2004 12:14 AM CDT Hello to all! I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July. We have been camping, swimming and camping!! making up for last summer I never knew could be so busy running packing laundry and then running again! Hannah is having a blast catching up. she fell and has a bit of a brush burn scraped elbow and she thinks is so cool (thanks to Blakely pointing out his rating of cool and gross scars...). after being extra cautious while having low platelets during and between her treatments, Hannah at first was sitting and waiting on the "panic" me flying over and checking every inch after her elbow injury however I just brushed it off and said it looks fine just a scrape.
Mark and Blake chose to swim at the campground all day on the 4th and Hannah and I went to our friends for a picnic and fireworks! what a display they had, Thanks to the Ozimek's for another wonderful time! Hannah swam and went down the kiddie slide and enjoyed all the other kids and fun they had for the kids, snowcones, a kool-aide stand ect.
I have been meaning to sit down and type how our summer has been going and in between loads of laundry I am catching up on phone calls, planning our family reunion or reading the pile of news papers I let pile up and mail.
I need to send out some BIG Thank You's..... First off the Tumbleweed foundation for the very nice big box of goodies for Hannah (and mom)she loved all the contents and now uses the canvas bag to tote all her goodies to and from the camping trips and or pool side! also to the many cards and letters from well wishers. Hannah also loved the sticker books, red, white and blue name bracelet she wore for the 4th of July picnic. she recieved the ultimate in gifts.....a TALKING DORA and Friends doll! Dora has been a big hit with hannah even the box she was wrapped in has now made a new home in Hannah's room, too pretty to toss out) she won't let you touch it! I had a stack of names to say Thank you to however with privacy issues better to leave a Thank you here and know you are a wonderful group of people to bring a smile to Hannah's face and ours as she waits for the "big brown van" or the mail man's truck to deliver her mail! THANK YOU ALL!!!! big hug and kiss from Hannah.
Hannah's next appointment will be July 14th and I will post more then. all goes well she will not need to go back for 6 months! I am nervous just knowing 6 months for blood counts but I know what to watch for and the time "off" will be a nice break. we will miss not seeing the staff and doctors but knowing she is graduating to the right direction feels wonderful. I do not know if I will ever "breathe easy" even when she hits the 5 year remission mark as it is we take it one day at a time and keep our faith in God knowing he will be our guide through all of Hannah's journey. keep praying for Hannah's continued remission and keep those fighting, just starting the long journey and those who have lost the fight and their families in prayer daily! prayers do help and leaving a note on the guest books as you stop by helps as well to know Hannah is thought of and wished well.
WDVE will be having a blood drive July 21, 2004 at the Beaver Valley Mall and they will tie in with Hannah's honorary blood drive. I will know the time later this week and more details so keep checking back for more information. I am sure if you listen to WDVE 102.5 FM you can also catch up on the details as well. I hope everyone has been enjoying their summer and keeping safe and warm (finaly have decent weather!) we have many more camping and swimming days not to mention moms famous (not burnt!!) smor'es and toasted perfect mar~mallows. I just hope with all this "catching up" my waist does not catch up and expand!! LOL! I hear comments when people see Hannah how she has grown taller filled out and her hair how it has grown back. I know she has grown as I just went through her drawers and packed up all the Toddler sizes and added all kids 4,5&6 clothes. oh how I miss the toddler outfits, now everything is seperate and more expencive especially for girls! good thing Hannah likes to SHOP! don't ask me what I did with all her cute outfits and jammies she had while in the hospital last year??? maybe in the attic packed and marked summer clothes? who knows what I did or why last year.
I will post more about the Light the Night Luekemia and lymphoma walk for October 6th at Heinz feild. if possible Hannah and I wish to raise $1,000.00 or more and if you would like to help either in donations or walking please let me know by e-mail. I have a tenative name for our 'team' Hannah's Helping Heroes. I will be looking into t-shirts as well, if anyone knows how to go about getting t-shirts made or donated please let me know that as well. I am new in all this fund raising and do not have a pay pal account so I guess I need to look into one of those.... so much to do and so little time!!!3 months and counting to October 6th walk! off to yet another pool party/picnic..... then back to the camper. Have a safe and happy summer. The Hannum Family
Thursday, June 17, 2004 11:27 AM CDT WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!!! Hannah had her monthly checkup and blood counts done yesterday and she will go back July 14th, all her counts are great!! Praise GOD!! he said next month if her counts remain this good and she continues to do well and stays healthy her next appointment will be 6 MONTHS!!! I am in shock. I expected to be going once a month through next January and then having her go every other month or every 3 months? WOW! I can only immagine how "lost" we will feel not going in every month for blood work and the waiting for the results after 6 months is still sinking in.
Hannah is doing very well and is acting like the typical 4 year old with a some what 'spoiled' additude on to that. we are planning a trip to Erie for this weekend and again the following to hit the new indoor water slide park. no 'sun grease' while swimming for a change YEAH!! we will need it for the bike rides and the beach so I will be packing the dreaded 'sun grease' and be happy and healthy because we use it. we are still recovering from the horrible lightning and thunderstorms we have been hit with since Sunday evening. our house was hit by lightning and it ended up damaging many appliances. a few branches down and a wet basement once again but welcome to Hazy, Hot and Humid and the evening thunder and lightning storms.
Hannah's first visit to a television studio went well. she did the Children's Miracle Networks Telethon June 5th and sang 'You are My Sunshine' and after her segment the phones rang! Yeah Hannah! she went to her first Relay for Life Walk for the American Cancer Society and participated with many other Survivors. I want to express how moving it was just being there and listening to other survivors and seeing them walk and how many are SURVIVORS. if you have never been to one, GO support them and the Cancer Society. with the help of donations the survivor walks will keep growing in numbers of SURVIVORS. I do not think 1 hour went by with no tears shed the whole day. for some it's bittersweet and others just starting their journey with treatments and others starting their remission. to meet many other Cancer patients and families and share our experiences was wonderful. another group of 'extended family members' walking a similar path all for the same goal CURE.
Hannah has a summer filled with swimming, camping and getting ready for pre-school this fall, a 'normal' summer once again we can plan and now further ahead. always taking one day at a time and making everyday a full one. I want to Thank all who followed us with this Journey from the beginning, ones who contiunue to follow us and help us. The kind entries in the Guest book we can read daily and go back to again and again knowing we are not alone and many 'strangers' come and offer well wishes for Hannah and prayers, Thank you! I will be keeping up her web page as often as I can and update the pictures a bit more often. I want to leave the one of her with the milk and no hair in the photo section this one is too cute and it has good memories with it. but I will try to post newer ones through out the summer and I have one from the relay I will try and post later.
Hannah has a blood drive being held July 21 at Beaver Valley Mall and when I have more info I will post it. I would like to ask everyone to keep up on Blood and Platelet donations, if you have not yet registered yourself on the Bone Marrow Registry please do. all with a simple blood sample and a blood donation can save a life or many lives from ONE pint! donate as well to your local Children's Hospital and the American Cancer Society, Tumbleweed foundation, Leukemia Society ECT. most important: PRAY. prayers do work and are very appreciated. Pray for those newly diagnosed, fighting their battles and those winning and in remission and for those who have lost the battle and their families. when one of our CB families win WE win when one loses we all feel for those families. keep signing the guest book, even a hello thinking of you, here for Hannah or on anothers site. donate to caring bridge for the ability for CB families to keep in touch.
Happy Father's Day! I found this cute little poem on a site for peoms for Fathers day and want to share it, enjoy. Holly & Hannah Banana
Daddy I love you
For all that you do.
I'll kiss you and hug you
'Cause you love me too.
You feed me and need me
To teach you to play.
So smile 'cause I love you
On this Fathers Day.
Sunday, June 6, 2004 8:44 PM CDT Hello! Hannah did a wonderful job on the local Children's Miracle Networks Telethon Saturday live on KDKA. she sang (along with brenda Waters) You are My Sunshine with her Music Therapist Debbie Benkovitz and sang all the words! Kelly Olexia and Bob Pompianni could not get over how cute she is!! she charmed them well enough that during and after her segment the phones were ringing off the hooks!!! way to go Hannah!! I do not know the total from the telethon yet and when I do I will let you know.
I had many phone calls from family and friends as well as neighbors saying they cried watching her and her story. she is a charmer and I must admit I was crying as well when I watched the 7-8 PM part. they taped in the studio from 7 AM-3 PM and condensed the taped segments into a one hour portion for the Pittsburgh area. I was glad I was able to watch it and Hannah was amazed at herself on TV again and sang Sunshine alomg with the TV. a big THANK YOU! to Debbie for lending her time and musical talents for Hannah.
The "Stinkin Boyz" have returned from camping and the house WAS clean!! ok in their defense it is not messed up (much) just the hamper is full yet AGAIN!! I spent most of the weekend washing clothes and came home tonight to find the hamper full again! a Happy Birthday to a fellow Banana buddy, Julianna Banana, she is celabrating her 4th Birthday today. she has a really awsome site! I will post her web site after asking permission. Hannah is posted on hers as well.
I guess that is all for now. Hannah is doing well and Blake is done with school and officially on vacation. can you say good afternoon Blake? that will be when I see the whites of his eyes from now till end of August! I will be busy doing things for my family reunion and keeping the house in order (I should give up now until the kids graduate!!) along with Hannah's clinic visits once a month. any speaking engagements I will post along with her clinic results. have a safe and happy summer. stop smell the roses and listen to the birds and hug your kids and enjoy them every day! give God Thanks every day! will post more after her clinic appointment on the 16th. take care. Holly & Hannah Banana
Thursday, May 27, 2004 2:43 PM CDT Hello, Well it is official, the stomach bug has hit at least 2 of the Hannum's! YUK! Thankfully not Hannah and I pray she does not get this! Blake is taking his with a different approach, by describing to who ever has the misfortune of being in ear shot of how colorful or exactly what it reminds him of after he has visited the bathroom! I know it is the age (12) and the grosser it looks, sounds tastes or smells the cooler it is! whatever "it" may be! I just keep telling Blake his describing should be on paper not in ear shot of me and my weak stomach!! Mark had interrupted sleep while I kept disturbing him with trips to the bathroom or the hot and cold flashes during my ordeal last night! I am feeling a little better and plan for a quiet weekend while the stinking boys are away in NC watching the Nascar Races.
Changing the subject....I wish you all a wonderful, Happy and safe Memorial Day! please do not forget those who fought and keep fighting on Memorial Day! I am keeping quite busy these days and the schedule keeps getting fuller by the day! the CBB contacted me to help out with a Hannah Hannum honorary blood drive for this July. her one repleneshing drive was held last July and having another one this July but not for her but to keep up the donations and blood supply in her honor. I think it is great and would love to have this done every July!! the blood supply seems at a critical low around Holidays as accidents seem to happen more around a Holiday. so please be safe this Memorial Day and every day and donate blood every 56 days!
I am planning on having a team put together for the Light the Night walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society held October 6th 2004 at Heinze Feild in Pittsburgh PA. if you are interested in walking with us and or donating PLEASE contact me at my e-mail address and I can send you more details, I will be posting them here as well. our goal is to raise $1,000.00 or more for helping to find a cure. so please! help Hannah reach her goal. and as you can see Caring Bridge is having a campaign as well so while we have no cost in keeping our site up for informing all our friends and families on Hannah's progress please take time to make a donation to them as well! every $1.00 collected is a help! Hannah will be going to the relay for life sadly not with a team but she will go and maybe next year we can have a team together and help the American Cancer Society find a cure.
ALRIGHT! I have made my requests and on to other things. Hannah will be one of the kids featured June for the Tumbleweeds foundation so check out the link! Hannah and I were unable to go to the Tumbleweed foundations first Bowl-a-Thon due to a flooded basement and some clean up needing done! what a mess so much water can do. I think that was the start of my run down and the beginning of this stomach bug? when I hear of the next event for Tumbleweeds I will post. They are an amazing organization so please support them as well. I know I am sounding like a "broken record" and I am NOT one bit SORRY!! ONE voice can be powerful and I hope mine will be heard! these organizations are here to help find a cure keep people informed and help out these kids and their families! as well as (while I am at it...) June 5th Hannah will be on the Children's Miricle Networks telethon live about 2 PM and shown again around 7-8 PM on KDKA please watch and well... donate if you can!
I must say we have been blessed with the ability to have insurance and any added expences or not covered from insurance we have had a generous outpouring of "love gifts" from family and friends and that has helped! Thank you all!! we never once asked for any of it and greatly appreciated it. I would never come out and ask for ourselves but I do ask if you want to donate or help please donate to these charities I have mentioned. Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, Tumbleweed foundation, the American Cancer Society, Caringbridge, Childrens Miricle Network, Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh or Blood and Platelets, get on the National Bone Marrow registry! any one thing you do in what way you can donate HELPS! I Thank you all for being so generous even if it is just a prayer! we need those too and daily. pray for continued health and pray a cure will be found and especially for those fighting and who have lost their battle. also another way to help. look for the petition to get a childhood cancer awarness stamp out there! well off to get some rest!
I need to get better, summer is almost here and my schedule is filling up! 3 1/2 days of school left for Blake and counting down. Hannah continues to do well and is sending GIANT hugs and kisses along to all of you! take care and God Bless. Love, Holly & family
Thursday, May 20, 2004 10:41 AM CDT Hello all, ************* GREAT NEWS**************** Hannah's counts are wonderfull!!! Thank you for your continued prayers. Praise God!! her counts are:
WBC 6.8 ANC 3.1 HGB 12.7 and Platelets 204! Hannah is doing wonderful and is very active, too active in giving me gray hairs but I'll take them gladly. Hannah will soon be on the Central Blood Bank trucks along with other blood recipients Grant included. I am finishing her "portfollio" for the talent agency and will keep you posted on that. we still have another speaking engagement to do for AGH but the date has not been confirmed. she will be on the Children's Miracle Network Telethon Saturday June 5th so tune in and those who can and wish to help PLEASE donate. Hannah's schedule is getting fuller by the day! she will be going to a Bowl-a-Thon this Sunday and is looking forward to it (Tumbleweed foundation) I do believe is the right one hosting the Bowl-a-Thon.
School is now down to 8 1/2 days, I am sure Blake can tell you to the very second! We are all looking forward to a wonderful summer and a lot of making up fun and swimming ahead! I found an INDOOR water slide park in Erie and we plan on hitting that this summer. I thought that was really cool an indoor one that is opened in November and December but best part during summer NO SUNBURN! (a little saving on sungrease and complaints from the ones wearing it!). Hannah had pictures taken and I will post to kim or try later this week to post them, they are all too cute! how could I say no to the 2,000 pictures they took!!!
I am keeping it a bit short this time as Hannah Banana is wanting to go shopping with her other b-day present a gift card to the toy store and we have to take her Grandpa Bob-Bob shopping for a sport coat and other "duds". take care and remember to Donate blood or platelets as often as you can, register on the Bone Marrow registry. and most important KEEP PRAYING! God bless, Holly & Hannah Jane
Monday, May 17, 2004 2:42 PM CDT Hello all. I am feeling much better and getting back to housework! I was back in for an allergic reaction to either the stitches or sterri strips they used, either way I am on the mend. Thank you for your prayers and support! for those who have seen Hannah's smile quilt and want to add on to it click on the link and follow how to from there. you should have an e-mail window pop up and from there type what you would like to have added for Hannah from you and who you are or how you know Hannah. if you do not know Hannah but want to add a word of encouragement please do! all the letters, e-mails and GUEST BOOK notes do help not only us but Hannah, she really loves getting mail any way!
Hannah will go in Wednesday May 19th for her monthly blood counts, please keep her in prayer! she is doing great and looks and feels great! her energy has me exhausted by days end! she loves playing outside (can't blame her after being "locked up" almost all last year when it was nice out!)I have to keep checking she does not "sneak out" as she knows how to unlock the door now. I try to keep her from outside the hours of 10 AM - 4 PM (worse time for the sun exposure) when we are out during those times we both have the SPF 50 "sun grease" on and re apply every 1/2 hour to hour! I also like to dodge the bugs, bees to be exact!
Hannah may go to a Bowl a thon this Sunday May 23 for share the love site (and or) smile quilts (I apologize for getting this wrong!) I have to see what is going on for the weekend, my brother will be in from California, a busy weekend indeed! Hannah will be on the Children's Miricle Networks Telethon Saturday, June 5th around 2 PM. the time can change so watch the whole thing and please feel free to donate and help these kids out! for now not much else to report. I will keep posting information as I have it for the light the night candle light walk.
Thank you all for your continued prayers for Hannah and our family as well as the many others who need prayers daily. we pray for those fighting, those who have won and are winning ther battles and especially for those who have lost loved ones. I must say as the months pass and Hannah remains in remission it is bittersweet (praise God for Hannah's continued remission!). I read many other sites and too many have lost their battle fighting this horrible disease. My prayer request for this time is that they find a cure for cancer and soon, we are losing too many precious little ones to this "monster". God Bless, Holly
Tuesday, May 4, 2004 10:37 PM CDT Hello. not too much to report just thought I would stop buy and give a quick mini update. I am able to sit at the computer for short lengths in a siting position! I had my Gallbladder out Thursday April 29th @ 9:30 AM and was home around 3:30 PM the same day. I have been a little slow to heal and very sore! (for those who have had theirs out you know what I am talking about!)I cannot lift or bend just yet and Hannah does not like that I am unable to lift her or cuddle like she wants on my lap. she has even gone as far as having a few potty accidents and been moody or throwing a bit of a temper tantrum! I am able to hold her on my lap but when I need her to get down or shift positions she gets mad.
Hannah has a few speaking engagements this month one on May 11 and that is the same day as my doctors appointment is so we will be running that day! who knew gallbladder surgery would make one lose weight? when you can't eat do to lack of taste and a full feeling (ok to put it nicely.... the gut is slow to work just yet!) "DR. Mark" thought I should be more mobile so a 1/2 mile later I asked myself who's idea was this walking anyway??? well it worked some and I contribute that to friends and other family support and me throwing them darn vicodin(sp?) out!! who said that a drug called vicodin was good stuff?? I had a constant headache, made me feel like I was a lead weight all over (insert weight joke here...) and how was I to be more mobile while I was a zombie??? no wonder the gut was slow.. it was still asleep! I can now drive again with the Vicodin gone from my system (drive while on it... I could not find my clothes let alone car keys!!!) OK! enough pitty about how painfull recovering from Gallbladder surgery is. what I am going through is NOTHING compared to what Hannah and these kids have gone and go through, I do not want to make lite of how terrible an ordeal cancer treatments are.
I wish all Mothers out there a Very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! on this Mother's Day I wanted to remember my Mother and found a poem that describes how our relationship was.
You Were My Mother and My Friend
You were my mother and my friend,
Wich was unusual.
Somehow our characters still blend:
Your wisdom and my will.
I turned, and you were there for me;
I spoke, you understood.
I felt cared for. but also free;
You loved, and I was good.
I'm fortunate that I was born
To someone just like you;
I love you still. though you are gone,
You live in what I do.
I found this while searching under poems for mother's day. this will be the second Mother's Day without my mom, last year we had been dealing with Hannah's hospital stay's and what treatments would be best for her and even though I missed my mom's presence last year, this year with Hannah in remission is bittersweet. I will be missing her more and feeling it a bit harder. I know she is with us every day and watches over Hannah I just wish she were here to celebrate in Hannah's remission along with us. I know she had to leave the way she did and when she did so she could help Hannah. she was quoted in saying "I have to go so Hannah can get better" just days before she left us. I know God knew what he was doing (taking her over Hannah) and I live with that peace inside of me daily. life is short, Love like there is no tomorrow, laugh like no one cares, dance like no one is watching and sing like no one is listening. God Bless Friends. Love, Holly :)
Friday, April 23, 2004 12:43 AM CDT Hello! what a week this has been! ****GOOD NEWS**** Hannah had her clinic appointment Wednesday April 21 with Dr. Shaw and all her counts are great!! Praise God!! she is doing wonderful and is now signed up for pre-school this fall! Wendy's surgey was done Tuesday (April 20) and she was not too happy when we picked her up later that day! she is now "fixed" due to having seizures and while under they took out her 2 baby teeth that never fell out when they should have. (common problem in dachshunds!) Monday I had my HB scan (for the gallbladder)still no word from the doctor but I will be having it out next Thursday April 29,2004 @ 11:30 AM so Prayers please!!! I am still going through the pictures from our Florida trip and I have another very cute one of Hannah smiling while she is digging in the sand wearing her "speedo". I am working on her "portfollio" for the talent agency. so many pictures and I can only send in 20!!
I am also working on Hannaha's light the night team. after I have confirmation of how things run and what needs to be done to form a team (collect donations, take orders for t-shirts etc.) I will pass this information on. I have seen people collecting donations through the year leading up to the light the night and have held fundraisers for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society so now is not too early to start! I would like to have a banner with Hannah's pictures on it one before she lost her hair and one after and her date of diagnosis and date of her remission as well as have her carry it along the way (help to carry it). anyone with information on where I can go for the banner/flag would be appreciated as well as t-shirts.
Blake is nearly finished with school, under 30 days left and summer vacation is around the corner! we are looking for many more camping trips this summer both local and a few Lake Erie trips. Hannah has a lot of catching up to do with swimming and playing outside! I have had a strange feeling with so many wonderful things going 'right' and Hannah so happy and healthy almost a guilty feeling like how can I feel so happy, I do feel happy! a feeling I am not used to with the past year, yet sad at the same time. sad for those still fighting, those lost while fighting and those newly diagnosed. I pray for those fighting, newly diagnosed and those in remission and harder for the families who have lost loved ones, please keep those in mind and continue to pray. God does listen and hear our prayers!
I will keep you posted as often as I can and at least once a month after her clinic appointments to report on her progress and milestones. Hannah had her first ever hair cut Sunday and she sat still did not cry and told the hairdresser to make her look like a princess! I told her she already was a princess and looked beautiful every day even bad hair days, she still insisted on looking like a princess and she did! she has more speaking angagements and I am waiting to hear about the Children's Miracle Telethon set for Saturday June 5th as to the details of where to go to donate and watch I will post when I know. Thank you for all your cards and well wishes and for remembering to sign the guest book (hint) ;) and all the prayers, keep them going! God Bless. Holly
Wednesday, April 14, 2004 7:42 AM CDT Hello All! We made it back from Florida, but did not bring the Florida sunshine with us, sorry, the beaches yes the sun no. Hannah had a blast and I will be adding (I know I keep saying I am adding new pictures...) new pictures of her on vacation. we had a bit of a scare while at the beach the first day there, the crew (Mark, my dad Bob-Bob, Mark's dad Pappy, Blake Hannah Wendy and myself) found a nice somewhat out of the way spot to park our stuff while walking , swimming and flying our kites. Mark pulled Blake out to make him get another layer of 'sungrease' (as Blake called it) on to keep him from burning and I was flying the kite with Hannah and looking for sea shells she decided to go back with "the stinking boys' (her favorite thing to call her dad and brother)so I hollered over to mark and Blake she was following them back. I rolled the kite in and as I was doing this I saw Mark and Blake back at "home base" but no Hannah???? I looked up and down the beach and saw the "oddcouple" (I started referring to the grandfathers as the odd couple) and Wendy back from their walk and still no Hannah! my heart started to pound and I knew from her reaction of the cold ocean she would not go there and yelled out to Mark where is Hannah and he said with you? I said no she went with you and Blake so we all started looking for her and yelling Hannah and a woman beside us said she saw Hannah walking back to us..... she was! thankfully it was no more than 1 minute from me seeing she was not with "the stinking boys" or the "odd couple" to finding her!
Hannah said she was looking for the princess shells and found some but the boys never came to help her! so she went for a stroll without us and I told her over and over again I know you want to do things by yourself but when we go shopping or to the beach you MUST go with one of us and hold hands or you can get lost (or taken) and she said Mom I was just looking for my shells! in the panic I ran (tried to ) up a sand hill and fell down and my cam corder is now "broken" due to all the sand inside!! I was doing very well keeping it dry and out of the sand up to that point! so all the vacation is in my head and some pictures we have taken along the way both with the digital and disposable camera's. so new pictures will be on here soon!
We all had a good time my dad included! we celebrated Hannah's 4th Birthday Easter Sunday with an Easter Egg hunt at the campground then off to some site seeing in Downtown St. Augustine and an Easter Parade! she was so excited about the parade she thought we planned for her the Easter "Birthday" parade!! I told her it was the towns parade for Easter but she could enjoy it more since it was her birthday! she ate a hot dog , soft pretzel and an Ice cream before the parade then fell asleep on my lap waiting but woke up when she heard the police sirens! this was a large parade and a long one to get to where we were sitting so she had a good nap before we saw any part of the parade! we all have leftover bug bites that seem to be itching now not when we got them, and Blake is recovering from a bad case of I told you more sun grease, sunburn!! he said he applied it before going back in the ocean and I was busy building a "princess" sand pool with Hannah and collecting more "princess" shells and the "odd couple" and Wendy were hiding out in the van Mark was flying the kites (one would not take off no matter how much wind or fixing up!) so Blake was left to ride his "boogy" board and swim without much parental interuptions. when asked after the first hour if her re-sungreased himself he said yes I left it in the sand ....(he was good for leaving the cap off and you now have and exfoliation cream along with the SPF protection!).
we have most of the Florida beaches in the van and some more in the beach bags now. Mark went and bought Hannah a real shovel (the 2 foot size for the garden) she had fun digging the pool and making holes for the stinking boys to "fall" into but was mad after she would get one dug and start another the beach swallowed the first one back up so she just kept digging and digging! then she sat at her beach chair and soaked her feet in her princess pool while sipping a cool-aide drink box. we used SPF 50 sungrease and Hannah and I applied every half hour to hour! I have some sun and the one day we went to town I forgot to put some on her feet and mine and we both have the tops of the feet a bit toasted! I forgot the sandal rule....sunshine can and will get your exposed feet and toes! like Blake I learned a lesson on sungrease! we all wanted to turn back when we hit the chilling North air and rains. spring is on the way, outside our daffodils are blooming and the grass and trees are looking greener and budding. maybe the grass will need cut this weekend or next?
We will be having Hannah's birthday party this Saturday and she cannot wait to have her friends over and play! I hope the weather co-operates and stays dry and warmer? Hannah keeps saying I need this and that for my party and while on vacation my dad told her she was dressed so cute and did her pockets need money for shopping and she said Yes, I need to go shopping and buy a dress for my party! look out Hannah is on the loose! keep your money up or she will get you to give it up to her for spending! Mark sighed and said she is going to be expencive! I said and worth every penny too. I am gearing her "money sence" to use for good and charity not for herself. she likes to give so with a little convincing and showing her how to help like the telethon and her blood bank luncheons and speaking engagements she does she is seeing others and understanding it is not all for her.
she does get to spend what she is given directly via cards and some people giving her money when they meet her. we would also like to set up a way donations can be collected for those who wish to donate to the leukemia society like the light the night walk. I am planning on getting a team under the name of Hannah's Heroes or Hannah's Guardian Angel's for this falls light the night walk. when I have more info I will post it and if you are interested in walking for Hannah (and others) or wanting to make a donation e-mail me directly with your name and number I can reach you at. I will be looking for t-shirts to be printed with Hannah's picture as well as one of her "famous" angel pins for walkers of Hannah's team. Hannah will be able to lead her team this year and many more to come, please help the leukemia society find a cure! I will be looking for volunteers to help get flyers out or information about the walk at a later date as well as t-shirt printers and angel pin makers (Hannah & I make them with help from family and friends for now I can do this myself but as the demand for her pins climbs and depending on the number of walkers and volunteers for the light the night??) as the time gets closer. the more we have signed up the more kids and people get help and the closer to finding a cure.
I need to run for now, just wanted to update a bit on Hannah's Florida trip and her first swimming adventure since the tubies were out. Hannah said it was too cold, Mark and I agree but Blake stayed in much longer, by an hour or more! I will try to post pictures soon with the trusty help of my friend Kim? Thanks Kim! she wil be adding Hannah's smile quilt link as well. take care and God Bless. Holly :)
Thursday, March 25, 2004 2:57 PM CST Hello to All! I just typed a very long journal update only to have pressed the wrong button and lost it all! UGH! technology and I do not get along sometimes!!! any way to make it short and sweet Mark and I went to Atlantic City over the weekend and they called it a 'junket'. I did not realize they meant the plane! what a bumpy ride both ways. I was nervous but more-so when the pilot announced we would be landing only to go back up with the announcement we missed the runway and we'll be trying that again or going to another airport! we did land the second time but not very soft or level! I did have a nice time and even treated myself to some much needed TLC by having a full body massage! the woman who did the scheduling looked a bit shocked when I got there for the massage I think she was thinking of charging me twice for a full body massage with my size...LOL! The massage felt soo good I could not stop smiling the whole day and when I went back to the room could not stop laughing to the point Mark said had he known a massage would make me that happy he would have made me get them more often!
I felt great and very relaxed, it felt like this past years stresses had been massaged away! I did not want to leave the kids but they were more than happy to stay with Grandpa Bob-Bob. he was just as excited to have them and it kept him company. I ended up with another nasty sinus infection when I got home, left go it would have been a double ear infection and bronchitis for sure! I am trying to keep the house 'healthy' but with Mark bringing a virus home from work a few weeks ago as well as Blake bringing another from school, they both have been coughing and sneezing. Mark seems better but Blake is sounding more and more like me, no voice and coughing. I am sure he will be in the doctors tomorrow. Hannah is doing great and has missed the virus and infections going around thankfully! my house is looking a bit neglected since I have been feeling under the weather this past week!
We are planning a family mini vacation to Florida April 3-12th, a much needed break for us all. with Saturday being the one year date of Hannah's dignosis and 14 days later will be the one year date since mom has passed. hardly seems like a year has passed. dad seems like he is getting along fine but I know he is lonely and I worry about him being alone all the time so we are taking him to Florida with us. Hannah is excited to go swimming and I signed her up with a talent agent, I cannot keep Hannah "the Ham" Hannum all to myself! she is too cute and a drama queen for sure! she will cough and say in a sad voice "I sick I need this" or cough until someone gets her a drink! we cannot forget how photogenic she is either! well I need to try to find the rooms in the house again! they have been neglected this week with me being down with this sinus infection and cough, I thought they could at least find the dishwasher and laundry or a mop for the floor? oh well a mother's job is never done, I am thankful I am so needed and loved! God Bless and have a peaceful Blessed Easter and Passover. I will update when we get back from the Sunshine State! maybe I will bring some back? Holly
Tuesday, March 16, 2004 11:12 PM CST Happy St. Patrick's Day!
May the road rise to meet you and the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. May the rain fall soflty on your fields and until we meet again. May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
An Irish blessing for those who are Irish and those just a wee bit Irish today ;) may the luck of the Irish be with you today and always.
Today Hannah will be going in for her monthly checkup and this is the first time without her Broviach! I will update if not later today then in a few days about her clinic appointment. Hannah is waiting on the "green light" (I know green humor on St. Patrick's Day...)for swimming. she was so excited to be able to swim that after her Broviach line was removed I bought her a 'speedo'! she could not wait to wear it, in fact she ended up "swimming" in the bathtub a few days after her surgery because she wanted to wear the speedo and swim so bad! a little "out there" well you tell me.... a 3 year old who missed all last years swimming but watched brother Blake swim a few times and was well adjusted to her broviach knowing she could not swim handled it very well.
now with no "tubies" and the speedo fitting her like a glove, no lumps from the broviach lines (it feels so nice to hug her again with no more worries from or 'lumps' or lines in the way) she needed to swim. the outside was COLD and try telling " The Princess" that the baby swimming pool does not go inside when the outside is cold even if it does match the living room being they are both blue! the just 'trying on' of the bathing suit was not enough, the fish needed water so the bathtub for one afternoon became a tropical pool for "her highness". our bathroom heat lamp became the sun and the beachtowel on the floor was the "sand" (she tried to charm me into just a handfull of last years sand from the sand box...) and we sang summer songs then came time to convince her she needed to get out! the wrinkled skin was not a problem to her and she would say more warmy water mom I not cold....I finally said well the "popsicles are melting in all this heat so we better go eat one! worked like a charm! she wanted back in and I said simply the pool is closed for the day.
She does have a wonderful imagination and seeing her "swimming" at the "beach bathtub" was a nice 'vacation' for us both even just for an afternoon! I did not get the sand in case you had been wondering, I explained that old sand becomes dirt for the garden and later she will realize the stray cat's litter box! with only so many hours in a day, I find myself thinking of the things I did not get done. maybe a little lazy on my part but kids are only so little for a short time and the imagination kept for just so long. the laundry can pile up some as well as the dishes and the housework, enjoy the kids while you can and share the moments like a "tropical beach" in the bathtub even for one afternoon, watching a silly movie or reading a book over and over again. Priceless memories for both parent and child.
I guess this past year has given me a new look on what is important (to be done) and what can wait.
I will work on posting a picture of Hannah in her 'speedo' without the tubies. I leave you with:
May you have a world of wishes at your command. God and his angels close at hand. Friends and family their love impart, and an Irish blessing in your heart. Please pray for the children (and families) going through cancer treatment and those in remission as well as the many who have passed. Thank you. Holly :)
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 11:07 PM CST TUBE-LESS Tuesday March 2 at 2:20 PM!!! no more tubies!!!
Hello, Hannah did very well for the surgery and recovery and when she woke up I showed her the 2 band-aide size patches over the place where she had tubies and she said my tubies all out with a very LARGE smile! that made the nurses laugh. the longest part was waiting for this day and waiting for them to take her in and waiting for her to recover enough to leave > waiting IS the hardest part! we are looking forward to this summer when she can go swimming. Blake called to talk to Hannah and see how she was and all she kept saying over to him was my tubies got taken out I have no more tubies Brother.
The doctors, nurses and anesthesiologists (ok big word, it is late and I am tired so excuse the spelling!)went over everything in detail and said the surgery takes around 40-50 minutes but not long enough to grab lunch (should have had breakfast!) so when they wheeled her to the O.R. and she was out of site we went to the waiting room had a snack and figured they would tell us something by 3 PM. NOPE! at 2:10 they took her in at 2:15 we were in the waiting room and by 2:40 PM she was in recovery! talk about quick! I saw the surgeon and at first got scared (due to how quick it was) and he said she did great and is waking up and we can go see her in a minute. he had to open her cut down site (just above her breast area where they thread the line in for the broviach) to get the line out so she has one stitch. I told him he nearly beat us to the waiting room that's how fast it was! they were right, no time for lunch!
Her surgeon shares Hannah's birthday! he also has a daughter her age! makes you feel good to know the doctors and nurses really take your child's care as if the child were their own! so much happenings in under a year and in 25 days it will be one year for her diagnosis. with her remission (praise God!) and now the worry of the tubies gone I am hoping to return to a somewhat "normal" life. this has changed the family in so many ways and to get back to routines and looking forward to planning trips and swimming lessons, dance lessons and pre school, "normal". I at times could not think this far ahead and now I can plan more than a day or two, a week or two ahead. I will still be cautious and worry (that is my job!)and she will be on Bactrim (to help prevent upper respiratory infections) so we still need to be careful around crowds and sick people.
I am now anxious for her next clinic appointment so I can see how her counts are doing with no broviach. I wish I could have taken a picture of her smile when she saw that her tubies were gone > priceless! I hope I never have memory problems, I want to remember that smile forever! Hannah is so happy and you can tell her "freedom" is back and I am sure she will get into a routine of giving me gray hairs more often with her freedom! We have been truly blessed with a good outcome, kindness of friends, and strangers as well as a wonderful staff at Children's hospital, all her Doctors, nurses and surgeons. they really do take care of the whole family! speaking of that I need to Thank my family for their support and help over these past months without them we would be lost!
I will update her site as often as I can, probably after her clinic appointments, so at least once a month. knowing how much I like to "talk" and ramble on here I will hope for every 2 weeks or so. she still has 2 speaking engagements this month for the Central Blood Bank so I will keep you posted on her schedule and her "celebrity" status! I promise to have new pictures posted soon! well this has been a long day and a happy one and in closing, please keep in prayer those just starting treatments and those in remission. I ask you to donate blood or platelets as often as you can and have yourself listed on the national bone marrow registry! may God Bless you and keep you in the palm of his hands. Holly :)
Wednesday, February 18, 2004 3:34 PM CST Hello to all our family and friends! Hannah had her checkup appointment today all good news! we are waiting on a call (from the surgical team)with a date for her broviach to be removed. the broviach will be removed sometime between now and March 17th, her next checkup appointment. she is doing wonderful and growing her hair back as well as getting taller and more active (enough to give me more gray hairs!). her final approval came in for her Disney trip the week of February 20, 2005 so we are looking forward to the trip and will be celebrating for many things including Hannah's one year remission, Blakes 13th birthday and a well deserved 'vacation' for Hannah as well as the family.
I am hearing how many people have seen Hannah's billboards thanking the blood donors for 'her blood' and the radio commercial with her in it thanking them again for 'her blood'. she has been keeping a busy schedule with a few speaking engagements and looking forward to swimming this summer and pre-school this fall. potty training is nearly 100% now with few 'mistakes' and dryer nighttime potty pants in the AM. she had to get her blood taken "the old fashioned way" today (not through the broviach) OUCH!! but she did very well and was happy with the Dora band-aid. her next visit will be March 17th (Happy ST. Patrick's Day!) and her broviach should be out then so she may need another needle stick for her blood counts or at the least a finger stick.
I have the radio commercial and will try to have Kim see about uploading it soon if she can (Thank you Kim!!) and will try to get new updated pictures of Hannah on here so you can see her with some hair. I have a web site you can go to and watch a video clip from the Children's free care fund taped in December. go to the link then go to view segments (or clips) and under Dr. Peter Shaw MD. click on that and you can watch the clip. http://www.chp.edu/giving/03freecare.php
I joke and say Hannah needs an agent and the more she does the more I really think she does need one to keep track of all she does and I know she will do more later including working with Make-A-Wish next year when she gets her wish. the article that ran in the Post Gazette back in October (online only) was published in the Post Gazette February 17th on page F-4, you can read how the music therapy helps these kids and families while in for a proceedure or treatment and just for fun too! Hannah was able to go on a shopping trip and picked out her new winter coat but did not want to stop there! not only is she a natural for the camera's but she is a natural born shopper too. she misses our Tuesday trips to the local mall and shopping for clothes. I will update again when we have a date for the broviach to be removed or after they are removed. Thank you all for your continued prayers for Hannah to remain in remission and the family, take care and God Bless. Holly
Saturday, January 31, 2004 9:41 AM CST Hello, I have great news!! most of our family and friends know but I wanted to wait to hear from her doctor with the rest of her test results to confirm HANNAH IS IN REMISSION!! Praise God!! Mark and I both at first did not know how to handle such good news and almost in disbelief but then when I told Hannah her cancer was all gone she was like oh and later when Mark came home from work she ran in and said Daddy my cancer is all gone with her big smile! she is now discharged from home health services for blood counts twice a week. we just go once a month in the clinic for blood counts now with her next appintment on February 18. we will then see about having her broviach scheduled for removal. so many things all good happening and it is overwhelming sometimes. these past 10 months from beginning to end have been at times surreal, and now with all the good news we can start to plan ahead for vacations and camping trips. I am even planning on signing Hannah up for preschool this fall, she was to start last fall but we had to postpone and she was looking forward to going to school and meeting new friends.
I am still fearful of germs and any illnesses going around, with the cold weather we have kept to home as often as possible with very few times out. Hannah talks about having her tubes out and going swimming, and turning 4! Dr. Shaw tells us to treat her normal and I still wonder HOW! Hannah is teaching us though, she lets us know by jumping around the house like a normal little 3 1/2 year old and some days I just wonder if I will ever really be able to let her do normal things? I guess I will order stronger nerve pills and try not to stop her every move! mothers are overprotective and I am learning now to let Blake have some room (he will be 12 February 23!). I just now started letting him stay home for short periods, he gets mad as I call every 5 minutes!
Hannah is going to a Birthday party today, I was wondering if I should let her again with the weather and all the germs going around. my girlfriend said to sit with her and her family and we could all protect Hannah from germs and if one person sneezed she would throw them out! she knows how I am with taking precautions for Hannah. I went yesterday to help decorate the hall and they had a jumping gym for the kids (you know the really dangerous kind you see at fairs or carnivals) I said no way is Hannah going anywhere near that thing! (Hannah was with me while we decorated) and 5 minutes after I said that my girlfriend said Hannah thought differently and was jumping inside laughing away! after a brief heart palpitation I calmly walked over and told Hannah she was not allowed inside and had been allowed inside then because no other kids were there. Hannah was not happy and cried a bit but understood in her own way as she has many times before. she is an amazing child and has adapted very well and now we can start lifting some limitations and more when her broviach is removed. PTL! we have been blesses many times!
Hannah has another speaking engagement February 11, and I have been working with her on saying more than thank you for my blood and speaking clearly. she giggles and wonders I am sure, why mommy is so silly asking her name all the time! we are always willing to give back and by speaking on the importance of blood donation and to donors it helps for them to see just how important the blood they give (and gave) is by looking at Hannah and her smile! she is living proof blood donations work at keeping the future alive and thriving. well I have gone on about how elated we are to have wonderful news on Hannah and our future is brighter every day. Thank you all again for your prayers and thoughts for Hannah and our family. God Bless, Holly
Friday, January 23, 2004 8:44 PM CST PRAISE GOD!!! Hannah had her biopsy Wednesday January 21, 2003. she was more aware this time so she cried through the whole time and the Doctor had to poke her one more time than planned to make sure he had enough of the biopsy to test. he felt bad he had to poke her another time and we just could not wait for it to be done and over! Hannah told her dad her butt hurt and she needed a toy to make her feel better. talk about wraping herself around daddy's little finger and laying on the guilt! she did get a toy and at that point we would have bought the moon to make her happy. had that been us we would still be laying in pain and crying! her doctor said he would have some results Friday January 23 or early in the week and we got the phone call around 4:20 PM with news that what results have come back all show recovered cells and what tests are still running is "ICING ON THE CAKE" so her results are good and I will wait for the rest of the results to say she is in remission just to be cautious.
I feel deep down she is and the first reaction I had was numb and stunned then relief like I have not felt for nearly a year then the tears came! Mark said he felt empty and uncertain like a bomb was yet to drop. like telling us she has leukemia for the first time while all that information sunk in they say and she does have Mosaic Down Syndrome. I told him it will take some time to get used to no hospital stays or running up and back like when she was in. getting back to even more "normalcy" will take some time getting used to but we will rapidly adapt and welcome the changes toward normalcy! Hannah wants to get her 'tubbies' out and go swimming so this summer will be a making up for lost time I am sure!
before I forget to mention Hannah is on many billboards around Pitsburgh and surrounding areas so be on the lookout for a large smile on a large bald headed Hannah Thanking the donors for her blood. the Hannah sightings started over a week ago the first one was Mark on his way home from work. he called to say "My daughter is starring at me and she is HUGE" I said what? she is right here then he told me she was on a billboard on RT 65 heading towards Freedom and that's when I remembered she was going to be on the billboards for the Central Blood Bank and I forgot to tell Mark.
I want to again THANK all who have signed the book, prayed, donated blood, sent a card of concern, a meal or a gift for Hannah as well as the monetary gifts that have helped along the way. humanity is not lost we have been touched first hand by the kindness and generosity of 'strangers' family and friends. they say it takes a village to raise a child and with all the help we have had I believe that to be true. we plan on keeping in touch with the many new friends we have met during Hannah's treatments and giving back to the fight and pray some day a cure for this disease that takes any life especially in innocent little ones. Hannah and I will continue to speak on the importance of donating blood and platelets and the importance of donating to the free care fund and Children's Hospital or for cancer research. I will continue to update as often as I can and when there is any news on Hannah. Sincerely,
The Hannum Family
Wednesday, January 14, 2004 11:10 AM CST Hello, Sorry not to have updated in a while, our computer crashed and is now in the shop for a complete cleaning and repair since the guy could not do it all in the house here so I am off line for a few more days and using our lap top to update. Hannah is doing very well although she had a fever the weekend of the 3rd and Monday the 5th it had gone up to 100.9 at 101.0 she would have been admitted so I was checking her tempurature all day Monday (every 15 minutes when it was up then every half hour as it went down). I packed a suitcase in a hurry in case we needed to go up to the hospital, Thankfully her fever broke around 8:30 PM and has not been up since! Hannah's fever seemed to help sweat out some good counts as after her fever with the next blood counts she had they starting to climb back up! Hannah will have her bone marrow biopsy Wednesday January 21 and we wait about 1 week for results we pray come back that she is in remission! once we are told the results we can then plan on her Broviach lines to be removed and then every month she would get a blood test to watch her counts. Hannah won't like the finger sticks but I am sure she will adapt as she has with all the new added lines in her chest and treatments these past 9 months. All Hannah talks about is getting her tubes out and turning 4 so she can go swimming! We have been keeping her in the house and friends and family away during these flu filled weeks, I do take Hannah for a ride in the car if it is not to cold out and the roads are clear. We do have visitors but they can't be sick or have been sick or around any one who has or is sick (I know that is almost impossible!). Mark's whole office has been sick and he has been lucky not to have had anything same for Blake with a good many kids out with the flu or bronchitis and I make sure we have plenty of hand sanitizer on board and in pockets or briefcases!
I worry about Mark and Blake bringing germs in and Hannah has had a few sniffles here and there so no matter how sanitized you are and clean the house is them germs get in one way or another! I feel better keeping low traffic in the house with visitors and all our friends and family have been great about it and do understand our concerns ( my complete nutty way of handeling all of this I guess?) I don't run out of the grocery stores any longer when I hear a sneeze or caugh, I do sanitize the buggy before touching it and after checking out I use it again and I only wipe off the items when I get them home! some improvements LOL! going through all of this really opens your eyes to germs and how easily they spread and how just washing your hands more often and using the sanitizers can cut down on germs. I wonder why with learning this schools and workplaces don't adopt the sanitizers even if they are just in the bathrooms or in the class rooms and office break rooms? any how Hannah is doing well and has not needed a blood transfusion just the one platelet transfusion New Year's Eve. her counts are recovering nicely and I will always be cautious even after her tubes are out but until her biopsy results are back I am going to fight to keep her environment as germ free as possible and keep her healthy and ready to have her tubes out maybe in February? Thank you for keeping Hannah in prayer and the family as well. God Bless, Holly
Wednesday, December 31, 2003 8:56 AM CST HAPPY NEW YEAR! here's to a wonderful new year for all our family and friends and to a healthier one as well including Hannah! she is doing very well and potty training was resumed when we got back home. in the hospital she was 50 ut at home she is closer to 89 rained just the night time needs work now. I had been given a water cooler with the 3 temperatures (for my 35th birthday) on it and the kids love it and have used it more than I including Mark! I think this has become the problem with nights as she gets up and the cooloer sits just outside her bedroom (off the kitchen) and she can help herself to water! I don't mind and I am glad she is drinking plenty of fluids but the night time will continue to be diapers until we figure out a way to keep her from getting into the water cooler!
I am waiting on a copy of the kids free care telethon Hannah was on a few weeks ago, I am told by many who watched Hannah was too cute! I must agree ;) I was unable to see or watch much of the telethon due to Hannah wanting to play in the playroom most of the time we were down there. we had not planned on being interviewd 'LIVE' but as we talked with the TV crews they picked up on many different stories in the crowd and after asking a few questions and finding out I was also a Children's hospital survivor from many years before they wanted to talk with us and to our surprise they led in with Hannah's story! what timing! I also have many people asking how old her doctor is because he looks very young, I tell them he is young, my age and a great doctor!
Not much more to report for now and her bone marrow biopsy is scheduled for January 21, 2004 in the clinic and that takes about 1 week to determine what her status is then we will proceed from there with hopes of having her broviach scheduled for removal! this has been a very trying year and I take from it patience, friendship,and peace. three very important life riches taken for granted, the most important one is the new found love and understanding I have of the lord and how he works in our lives, when needed most he is there. like many things I hope to give back from the many we have been given throughout Hannah's hospital stays and my mothers passing to promote blood donations, funding for the hospitals fre care fund and the hospital as well but to share in the love and humanity given to us when needed most.
Blessings to all for a healthy Happy New Year!
Thanks to all who prayed and helped and continue to pray. Love, Holly
Monday, December 22, 2003 12:42 AM CST Hello friends. Kim here again with an update from Holly:
Hannah is HOME!!! she is DONE with treatments and needed no blood products since the last time she was in the hospital in October!!
Hannah is very Happy to be home and Christmas will be extra special this year! we will keep watch on her blood counts 2 times a week then January 21 she gets her bone marrow biopsy and we Pray it will show she is in remission! (Praise God!) after that she then will have testing for surgery for her broviach lines to be removed, this depends on her counts and if she has needed blood products and how often and the results of the pre surgery testing. her last EKG and ECHO this stay were good. she is looking well and feeling well, acting like a happy healthy 3 year old! I am scared and excited at the same time with a touch of worry, I don't want to celebrate to early and have a crushing blow as this type has a 50hance of returning as the same type of cancer or another type! I know I can't let that run my thinking but every blood test she has after her tubes are out I will be holding my breath and praying! so for now she is fine and we still take it one day at a time.
We thank all out friends and family and new extended family for helping us and Hannah to get through day to day and the prayers especially helped. Merry Christmas and Happy healthy new year! Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa and God Bless!! The Hannum Family
Have a blessed holiday season friends!
Monday, December 22, 2003 11:24 AM CST Hello, Hannah is HOME!!! She is doing well and had no problems with Chemo this time other than the redness in her cheeks from one of the medications that over time can cause. She asked ALL day yesterday to GO HOME and when 9:30 PM arrived the nurse came in with her last medicines and the discharge papers and Hannah was glad to GO HOME! We will miss all her Doctors and Nurses and the other staff like her PCT's that help do temps and BP's but we are glad to be (prayfully) DONE!
Hannah will go back in to the clinic on January 21, 2004 for a Bone marrow biopsy and within a week after we should have the result we pray for, she is in remission, PRAISE GOD! for now she has her blood counts checked twice a week to keep watch for low blood and platelets and we needed no blood products since her last hospital stay, nothing this time. a wonderful feeling and a sigh of releif but we still have some road left to travel. this type of leukemia has a 50 hance of returning and or turning into another type of cancer. we pray that never will happen and she is on the healed end of the 50 nd we don't want to have that to think about but I know every blood test for the next 5 plus years we will hold are breath and pray for good results!
We wish all of our family, friends and "new" families we have found through Hannah's treatments a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year! Happy Hanakkah, Happy Kwanza, God Bless, The Hannum Family
Saturday, December 20, 2003 11:24 PM CST Hello, Hannah is doing well with her last treatment. she has mild discomfort from the one medication that tends to over time and dosages make the cheeks and chin red like a wind burn or chapped cheeks. she should be out late tomorrow evening and if too late we will stay for discharge in the morning on Monday. her next appointment will be January 21 to have her bone marrow biopsy. her counts are still rising and we hope to keep her from any illness or virus while she recovers from this last treatment. we are very happy that she will be home for Christmas and though this is the first Christmas without my Mom we will miss her but know she is with us in spirit.
Mark and I feel blessed and at the same time scared while no more treatments are needed while undergoing treatment meant we were doing things to make Hannah better and now when the bone marrow biopsy is done she will have her broviach out when they see her counts remain stable and then have her blood counts checked over the next several years. each test result we wait for I am sure we will feel like we did when we waited for the type of leukemia and treatment plan. I am confident with the wonderful staff and the Doctor Hannah has (Doctor Peter H. Shaw) and how she has done over these past months she will continue to get well and we still take things one day at a time and probably always will. I can't help but feel guilty if I let myself 'forget' for a small time as things are going well then fear snaps me back to help me not jump to far ahead of the plans on the table for Hannah. We wish you the best for this Holiday and a Healthy Happy new Year! Love to all, The Hannum Family
Thursday, December 18, 2003 10:14 AM CST Hello, Hannah is in Children's Hospital undergoing her last treatment (praise GOD!). she was on KDKA 2 last night for the kids free care fund telethon and the hospital will be posting a link on their website and I will have help posting that same link on her website so you can see who was on. I am sorry not to have given the KDKA information out before last night. Hannah is doing well and we are counting down the days till we are home to recover and get our bone marrow biopsy January 21 when her counts (should be) recovered. then we can plan for her pre surgury testing and schedule her broviach to be removed. the infomation with her room and phone number was from the last long stay and we are in a double room now and may move or have a room mate during this stay? we have always had a private room and with all the colds and flu going around with this her last stay ( we pray ) we do not want her picking up a virus this close to finishing treatment and close to the holidays. I will update later next week if not before Christmas then just after on more updates. have a Happy Holiday and a Healthy Happy New Year! GOD Bless and take care. Love, Holly & Hannah Jane
Sunday, December 14, 2003 8:54 PM CST Hello, not much to report other than Hannah has not gone in for the last treatment yet! her counts are going back up and she should be where she needs to be for her next treatment by or on Wednesday December 17th. she will be in for 5 days and home for Christmas! her Doctor did not need to do the bone marrow biopsy last Wednesday with her counts all going upwards. she has been feeling much better (her counts show that too!) she woke up and saw the snow and wanted to get her new boots on and go play, I held her off and maybe tomorrow we will venture out in the cold white stuff? I like to watch the snow falling and how the lanscape has become white and quiet but I do not like the cold tempuatures and to drive in it!
Just A reminder Hannah will be on TV Wednesday evening for the free care fund telethon 7-10 PM if you are able please make a donation 'our' kids need health care! I am not sure what channel but check your local listings, could be CBS, ABC or even the Public Television stations as well. I will try to post the channel(s) and also see if they will have a rebroadcasting of the telethon at a later date. I will try to post or send pictures to post to my friend Kim who helps me run the web site, without her help I do not do well with the computer things! Mark's work is holding another Blood drive Monday December 15 and this time Hannah will be able to go for a short time to say hello and hand out some of her angel pins she loves to (help) make, if you ask her she will tell you SHE makes them! Take care and GOD Bless! Holly
Happy Hanukkah!
Monday, December 8, 2003 7:32 AM CST Hello, Hannah did not go in last Wednesday as planned due to this virus and cough that knocked her counts too low. we plan for this Wednesday as her admit and last treatment and that all depends on her counts this week, pray they are up and rising and her virus is gone so she can have her last treatment and enjoy Christmas at home. Hannah woke up Friday and was very excited over the snow and Saturday all she could do was say over and over when she looked out the window "OH MY GOODNESS" look at all my snow! well she was not coughing as much and no runny nose so we bundled her up like an eskimo head to toe and out she went to roll in it and make snow angels also threw a few snow balls at her daddy and brother (ok they won!) and to watch her sledding and playing in the snow was a good thing. she did not want to come in from playing, she was only out a little over half an hour but with talk about hot chocolate and "marmallows" and seeing everyone else go inside she went along. all that fresh air and playing in the snow I was tired and sure she would fall asleep after lunch and hot chocolate, NOT! the energy she has amazes me. I was ready for a nap but she would not hear of it! she covered me up to take a nap but when held she wiggled and finaly got down to play.
I will try to update if not while in the hospital this week then when we get home next week. Hannah helped me make some Christmas cookies and I plan on doing some more baking today, what is done today will probably be all I will do this year other than Santa's sugar cookies, they get done fresh just before he comes Christmas eve or the day before. my sisters and I all feel an emptiness this Christmas an no desire for much baking as mom was always the baker of the family. the first holiday after the passing of a loved one is hard and with my birthday so close to Christmas and thinking about mom lately I almost forgot I will no longer have that phone call at 8:38 AM with her saying Happy Birthday Holly Noel, (my age) years ago I was baking cookies and what a surprise you showed up early. I will have fond memories that I will cherish always and hope I can give my children memories to look back on that will give them a warm fuzzy feeling.
I wish for all our family and friends to have a warm fuzzy holiday, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza and Merry Christmas, from our house to yours. Thank you all for the many prayers throughout this year and support for Hannah.
The Hannum Family
Monday, December 1, 2003 0:25 AM CST Hello, Hannah and the family had a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving. Hannah ate turkey and all the fixins until I thought she would bust! We are getting ready to go back in for her last treatment this Wednesday December 3rd. I will update more after she is out and back home. Hannah will be on Wish 99.7 FM starting December 1 for 3 weeks, she taped a commercial (I helped a bit) last Wednesday about a letter to Santa claus with her wish to Thank all the donors for the life saving blood she and others like her receive and sent them lots of hugs and kisses sealed in the envelope. I helped read 'her' letter as she is 3 and is not yet reading and the letter was a little hard for her to recite alone but she did a fine job. so please forget about gifts from the 'wallet' this year and roll up your sleeves and donate a pint of life saving blood today!
I will also find out and pass on the information for the Telethon Wednesday December 17th from 7 PM to 10 PM (station & channel?). Hannah will be on (live) TV to help the free care fund, with her story and a smile I'm sure to light up the room and homes for all who will watch and hopefully donate to a very worthy cause. We hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving as well. GOD Bless,
Holly & Hannah Jane Hannum
Friday, November 21, 2003 9:48 AM CST Hello, I have a chance to update on Hannah "the Ham". I hope if you are checking in you had a chance to read her new article in the Post Gazette and please sign the guest book so we know you are here checking on Hannah's progress. Hannah and I like to read the notes of encouragement from those who 'stop' by they are a real boost in spirit when you need them! now about Hannah, her counts look very good and she is scheduled for her last treatment December 3-7 in the hospital. she has been doing well and by looking at her you would not think she has anything wrong with her. she is back at tormenting her brother as he is to her as well! the joy of having her home and all of us together to function 'normally' as a family once again has kept us going. as we enter the last round with nervous fears and excitement for this journey to get Hannah into remission and well once more we are blessed and Thankful.
at this time of Thanksgiving I wish to share hope, spread blessings and give thanks to the many unselfish acts of kindness that once complete strangers now we call friends have done for our family. our family has grown in numbers with the hospital staff, doctors nurses and other families that become part of your lives during the course of treatments, hospital stays and clinic visits. I believe in giving back more than what you have been given and we have started by telling Hannah's story at interviews in many forms like the news papers, speaking at a lunsheon and a few vidoe tapes. in doing this we hope to spread the word of how to help other children like Hannah be it blood or platelets or just an encouraging word to a much needed shoulder. the family is also doing well and the colds and coughs are now nearly gone and we will soon be decorating for old St. Nick and with Christmas cheer that comes with this time of year please do remember those in need like the Children and the best way to help many of them would be to donate to the free care fund, Hannah will be on the telethon December 17th, the telethon runs from 7-10 PM so please mark your calanders and help 'our children' in need. Thank you all and have a very Happy Thanksgiving.
The Hannum Family
Monday, November 10, 2003 10:22 AM CST Hello, Sorry for the delay in updating the web page, Hannah has been enjoying home and we have also enjoyed having her home and having normal routines once again. Hannah was able to have her last 'chemo' treatment at home as an outpatient, yes at home! we did not need to travel up to pittsburgh to the hospital or clinic and back just the first day of the treatment in clinic and getting the paper work out so we could come home and have the treatment done at home daily for the next 3 days. she had one mild fever and a day of bowel trouble but no other problems or complications and is doing well. we are avoiding our local mall where we usualy shop as it is the one that had the Chi-Chi's in it with the Hepatitis A outbreak, I am being extra safe on this one.
Hannah was able to go to the Circus on Friday evening along with her big brother Blakely who protested but ended up having the best time! she saw the clowns and some animals up close, Thanks to Make A Wish who invited the family. the Elephant was her favorite and the clowns as long as they did not get too close! when we took our seats we had time to walk around and watch them set up for the evenings performance Hannah stopped and nothing else mattered as long as she had COTTON CANDY right NOW! all was well with her world again the minute she had her cotton candy. Make A Wish was here Sunday to interview us and see what Hannah's wish would be, she chose Disney in Florida, she wants to see Minnie Mouse, her house and go swimming in her pool when she is 4 and has her 'tubies' out! we will know in a few weeks if that can be done and when, Hannah thinks she is going tomorrow every morning she wakes up she says tomorrow I get my tubies out and go to Disney to see minnie and go swim!
Hannah is doing well all around and is in her own bed once again! since her room was re done ceiling to floor with updates in painting the cieling and new wallpaper that was pre texturized and painted as well as new sub floor (a few cuts but not much dust or mess). added floor tiles (peel and stick) along with moulding and a new door we were able to move her back in last week. took a whole week of her starting off happy in her room only to end up in our bed at 3 AM or so but now we are really working on the staying in her own bed all night! the Pittsburgh Post Gazette came Friday afternoon to interview Mark Hannah and I for a story they will be doing and it will be available online only next Sunday in the kids section. Hannah has been busy with interviews and her schedule is getting full with speaking engagements all promoting donations from Blood to funding for kids in need. I joke and say when this is all done and she is in remission she will need an agent!
Hannah's next (and last we pray!) treatment will be done in the hospital the week after Thanksgiving. I will try to post the week before she is to go in proividing my computer is working and I have some extra time, with the Holidays rapidly approaching priority's do change and spending time with family while Hannah is home has been number one as is keeping her healthy so keeping things going here and being a home body has taken over and getting to her web page to keep all updated has taken 'second seat'. take care and GOD Bless! Holly
Friday, October 24, 2003 12:32 AM CDT Hello, sorry to have not updated before now, I have been quite busy updating the house and I have made it to Hannah's room so I'm nearing completion! Hannah is thrilled to have a 'new room' and I hope to be done and have her in her 'new room' before she goes in for her next treatment this Wednesday. she will miss going trick or treating but she will be able next year! Blake said he would share and I am sure they do things in the Hospital for the kids. her counts are stable and ANC rising so next week she should be good to go with another treatment and then she has one left and that should be the week after Thanksgiving. she is doing wonderful and even went to a Halloween party last weekend and had a great time with her friend Alexis, every one there said she looked wonderful and could not get over the energy and appetite she has. She went as her favorite food, a bag of (McDonald's) french fries! I need to get her picture in the french fry costume posted when I get the pictures developed. GOD Bless! Holly
Tuesday, October 14, 2003 7:52 AM CDT Hello again, Hannah is doing fine and enjoying her time at home! her counts have been going up and she has needed no transfusions so far while at home. Hannah has been busy helping me do some minor home improvements to make the house look better before the Holidays. not much to report other than she is doing just fine! Praise GOD! she has just 2 treatments left and then she will get her bone marrow biopsy after she has recovered from her last treatment and we pray she will be cancer free! will update again next week if my computer is still up and running? that worm really did a number on our computer so I never know if it will work and let me online to update or not. take care and GOD Bless. Holly
Sunday, October 5, 2003 2:22 PM CDT Hello to all our friends and family! Hannah was discharged Saturday evening around 9 PM and you could immagine how excited she was to go HOME! Hannah had a couple fevers but due to the type of 'Chemo' she was getting and they were lower grade but watched closely the same. she will not go back to the clinic before October 29th unless she has a fever or any other problem come up. she has done well with this 'chemo' other than a sour tummy and the fever, now we will keep a close watch over her counts and pray. she had a blood transfusion the day before she left to give her a boost from 7.5 to 9.9 hemoglobin and perked right up jumping on her bed asking everyone to dance that popped in to say hi! the article I said she would be in should run on a Tuesday but I am not sure what Tuesday so keep checking out the Post Gazette. Hannah will be on the live telethon this December (the week of the 18th) for the Children's Miricle network to raise funds for kids in need, please watch and donate. I will post the pictures from Wednesday's luncheon later this week. GOD Bless! Holly
Thursday, October 2, 2003 10:53 AM CDT Hello, Hannah is back in Children's room #8635 and phone# 412-692-8697 she will be home Sunday evening. She is doing well aside from a sour tummy this morning but her nurse gave her medicine to make her feel better. Hannah has become quite the 'PR Princess' and had her first speaking luncheon yesterday. Mommy and Daddy helped but a tough 'act' to follow....LOL She was a guest at the Central Blood Bank's recognition luncheon for the top 20 donor groups. Hannah said Hello and Thank You for my Blood, not many dry eyes after that and she handed out the awards stopping to pose with each recipient not a bit shy. Hannah did not want to stay in this time as you could imagine, then once on 8 North it was like oh yeah I remember this place and fell into her routine of getting into her pajammas and getting weighed and measured then settled in for the duration of her treatment. She saw some friends she made while in here and the staff was delighted 'their Hannah' was going to once again brighten up their days while she was in. nobody is happy to be here nor are they ever wished here but you become a 'family' and being back is like seeing family you may only see a few times or less a year and with Hannah who is well loved, like all the kids here. she does have a way of bringing sunshine to a gloomy day with a smile or a giggle. she had her picture taken today for an article they are doing on the music therapy here so look for it this weekend in the Post Gazette. I am sorry no pictures have been loaded, I am slow at the computer and my computer has had many problems. GOD Bless friends and keep Donating the life saving blood! Thanks, Holly
Wednesday, September 24, 2003 3:18 PM CDT Hello, Sorry I have not updated in a while but the WORM got to our computer despite some of the steps we took to prevent it from happening! I think we have the system cleaned up and once again able to update. Hannah has done very well with the last treatment and come home on the 12th of September. Three weeks and two days, under ONE month this time!! We are at home still waiting on her counts to recover enough for her next treatment. She developed a cold or virus and that is knocking some of her counts down but her blood counts are on the rise. other than a sneezing and coughing fit she is active and happy. Her next treatment will be four days in the hospital and she will come home for a month or more to recover going to the hospital for checkups once a week and admitting only if a fever developes.
Her doctor tells me if she tolerates this treatment well (this is a lower dose of the Aro-C) then she could do the last two as an out patient. the only draw back for out patient is we live One hour and fifteen minutes away and the stay would be four to six hours for the treatment then another hour and fifteen minute drive home. the plus is she can come home after each dose. this would be four days in a row making them seven or more hour days long with traveling and the next treatments will be November and December so a daily travel for those months with weather that will be colder and possibly snowy I am not looking forward to. being home is a good thing and some say less germs but in and out of the clinic or hospital in colder weather vs stay in a room same temperature and avoiding traffic sounds better to me. we will see how this next treatment goes and decide when it gets closer to her next treatment.
Knowing She is nearing the end of treatments is a good feeling, next big step is the bone marrow test after her recovery from the last treatment. we will be praying for a good outcome and for her to be and remain in remission. Hannah has become quite the 'PR' Princess, they called to interview us about her story for the yearly Gala hosted by Jamie Lee Curtis to raise funds for Children's Hospital. Jamie Lee is a big advocate for the Hospital and she along with Sony donated VCR's for all the rooms so with Jamie Lee's help someday with enough funding all hopes are a cure for cancer will be found and end suffering to kids and the families that it effects. Take care and GOD Bless. Holly
Saturday, September 6, 2003 4:09 PM CDT Hello again to our family and friends, I am at home for the day and have time to update with our home pc. Hannah's eyes have recovered and she is on two antibiotics to rid an infection that was detected in her one line on her broviach, she had a fever and that is why she remains in the hospital to recover after treatments so they can watch for infections like this and treat them ASAP. Hannah is happy and bored most of the time but between the music therapy and the playroom visits all the movies we bring for her to watch or the movie cart that she can pick from for herself, and the toys from home or daddy's stopping at the store as well as mommy and Blake, she is kept busy enough to ward away too much 'one room blues'.
this should be her last long stay then she continues home to recover and once recovered back for 2-3 days of 'chemo' then home to recover, when recovered in for 2-3 days of 'chemo' then home to recover then in for 2-3 then home to recover and at the end the last 'chemo' treatment when she has recovered they will do a bone marrow biopsy to see if any cancer is left and if nothing is left she will be in remission (Praise GOD! and stay in remission) and we can look at dates to schedule her broviach to be removed. timeline should be finishing 'chemo' in January and she could have the broviach removed by her 4th birthday. the 'timeline' for all of this is depending on the length of recovery times and the outcome of the bone marow biopsy.
I have what seems to be Hannah's schedule for blood and platelets, the blood bank was in need of all blood not in use so Hannah's supply is now gone and she is in need of both O+ Platelets and Blood. she gets the Platelets every 4-5 days and Blood every 6-8 days. she has no counts yet however her blood is holding and was up yesterday along with her white count. she will get Platelets Sunday, they were down to 20-22,000 and anything under 20,000 they transfuse Platelets. her Blood was 8.6 the other day then up to 9.2 and now that is down to 8.3 and they transfuse around 7.1, her white count was up to 0.9 and when she hits anything over 1.6 her ANC starts to show up and she is showing signs in her blood of some recovery 'brewing in her marrow'. We take things one day at a time and Hannah has taken a full month to recover each time and the last long stay an extra 5 days so we figured that we are at the half way mark with 2 weeks or so to go.
Hannah recovering sooner would be a nice change of pace. I have heard form many who have seen Hannah since her diagnoses and treatments, some are still amazed at her energy and how she looks. The Doctor on rounds last week stopped to laugh at Hannah running (she gave me gray hairs but she was careful)down the hall back to her room after a brief time off of her IV to go to the playroom, he said wonderful and turned to the resident Doctors and said look at Hannah go that is just great to see her happy and that energetic. We have been blessed with Hannah having few 'down' times both in moods and illness throughout the treatments and both home and hospital stays and knowing we can now see the light at the end of the tunnel with almost 6 months from the date of her diagnosis, she is at the better than half way mark and will tell you 'when I get 4 on my next birthday I get bigger and get my tubes out and go to Disney and go swim at Minnies house'.
Hannah has not had letters to open in a while so if anyone wants to do something for Hannah besides pray and donate blood,they can send her cards either at the hospital or home. The hospital address is listed on the website and I will give out the home address through our e-mail address if contacted. I want to Thank all who continue to pray for Hannah and our family and those who send cards or call to see how Hannah and the family are doing, Hannah likes phone calls as well and will often insist she answers HER phone. GOD Bless! In Christian Love, The Hannum's
Wednesday, August 27, 2003 7:08 AM CDT Hello friends. Sorry for the long delay in updating, but Holly has had trouble with the internet connection on her laptop and I have been so busy with work. All the students were back on campus last week and classes started yesterday so things are really jumping here! This is the latest on Hannah...
Hello, I wanted to update again about Hannah. Her eyes have stopped constantly hurting and she got up for most of the day and was playing when the doctors came in without pain or hiding her eyes from the light. She went for a long walk around the ward (mask on) and the doctors and nurses said it was good seeing her back to the 'old' Happy Hannah they all know and have grown to love! the Doctor has stopped the eye drops and she started her Nuepogen yesterday. they are giving it through her IV when she is hooked up and will do the shots in the leg when she is not. she was un-hooked from the IV after the Neupogen today and was one reason she was happier and on the go.
She has counts already but the doctor warned they will go down to zero as they have not yet been to zero with this admit and after the 'chemo'. the blood bank was called today and they have shipped all blood and platelets for her over but I am waiting on the call from the hospital blood bank to call so I can find out what she has left if anything. platelets are good for 5 days only after drawn and blood is good from 28-45 days but the platelets and blood she had a few days ago were not Direct Donors so she may be out of her "supply" and she will be in demand when she bottoms out again. they use what is stocked up for her when needed before the expiration date as to not waste any product and she was not in need for about 1 month so any platelets given before she needed them or blood up to a few days ago was used by others in need. bottom line NEED O+ BLOOD for Hannah ASAP!!!
I know many are tired of the constant request and I would not ask if it was not needed. this is life saving blood needed and platelets, I can try to post as soon as I find out when she will be in need. a platelet donor can give every 5 days ( I think I have this right) and more often than a blood donor however they also expire 5 days from drawn so they are precious and she uses more platelets than blood. they test them and make sure they are both compatible and free of any 'germs' that could harm Hannah or others who receive them and fresh is always best as they last longer for the person who gets them.
For those who did not know, the new meds that Hannah was on caused her severe eye pain. I am not sure why, but I am very happy that seems to have passed. Thank you all for your continued prayers for Hannah and her family. God bless.
Kim...
Thursday, August 21, 2003 11:09 AM CDT Hello again friends. It has been awhile since I have updated for Holly but here is her most recent news:
Hannah was re-admitted to Children's today Wednesday August 20, 2003. She is doing well and this is her last long stay! she will have 3 more treatments of "chemo" but they are short stays or 'outpatient' stays and will only be admitted if she has a fever or any complication from the 'chemo'. Hannah is doing well and still happy about going to the Wiggles concert.
Thank you all for your continued prayers for Hannah and her family. Miracles happen every day so please keep them coming. They are greatly appreciated.
Kim...
Monday, August 18, 2003 11:48 AM CDT Hello, I am sorry for the delay in updates! Hannah did go back in Wednesday August 13 as her counts were up enough to re-admit her, She did well inspite of a rash that had developed from what they do not yet know. Hannah will always be somewhat of a mystery when it comes to being allergic or not, She has had rashes in the past to some medications then no rash with the same medications at a different time. Hannah will go back in Wednesday August 20 for the same treatment for 2 days then stay to recover for about one month. Hannah had some exciting news before she left the hospital for home Friday afternoon...
She loves the Wiggles (for those non Wiggly fans they are a preschool group on Disney) and we found out they would be in town August 16th but at the time Hannah would have been in for her Transplant so we did not get tickets and then we found out about her treatments being straight 'Chemo' and then the Wiggles added more dates and other shows but We could not be certain where she would be in the recover stage so again did not get tickets. I did e-mail them to come visit but they had a full schedule so I thought next year Hannah can go! Hannah found out she was able to go AND Thanks to the Child life on 8 North she now had tickets! so with the Doctors blessing we went Saturday evening. Hannah was so excited she started jumping up and down saying My Wiggles, my Wiggles I am soo Happy! she was 'Star struck' for the first 4 songs that she never moved just stared in amazment that she was there, then got into dancing and singing along. She now owns a Wiggles hat and shirt and when we got home that night she would not take it off for nothing so she won, she slept in her new Wiggles shirt.
She did have some 'Chemo' sickness Friday morning and again off and on Friday afternoon but that passed and she is back to 'Happy Hannah' once again. Sunday Mark, Blakely, Hannah and myself all went to the Pittsburgh Zoo, Mark wanted to go and do something outdoors with the family and Hannah needed to move her bowels, so a good long walk with the 'animals' sounded good. We kept to outside only as the crowds kept to the inside away from the heat. Hannah loved watching the Crockodiles and Elephants. We had the hand wash ready at every stop and made sure Hannah did not touch anything other than her drink and an ice cream on the way out. We camp in between home and the hospital mostly in the evenings when it is cooler but keep the bugs away, Hannah loves to toast 'mar-mallows' when she camps she tells Blakely when she gets her 'tubes' out she can go swim too!
All in All She has had quite the summer with her time 'off' to recover and what she has been able to do with some limitations, she has adapted very well. She even tells people "no I not allowed"! I will be talking with her Doctor Wednesday and find out how many long stays after this one she has unless this is the last long stay then she will be in for her 'Chemo' on an outpatient basis admiting her only with fever or any complications that may occure. One day at a time for now and that is why I am late getting this updated, earlier attempts to update while she was in Wednesday using the lap top failed several times and I knew I could do it at home however home time has been getting her settled and going to the camp site (just down the road about 8 minutes) then sleeping and more family time. We do not mind phone calls but we may be outside with the dog or mommy's new scooter then we hide from the sun from 11 AM-5 PM so we nap or play silly games on the computer while mommy does some house work and may go for an ice cream after dinner. Hannah loves the cards she gets and every day at mail time she waits for her cards! keep the prayers and cards flowing. God Bless, Holly and Hannah Jane
Monday, August 4, 2003 9:08 AM CDT Hello Friends, Yes Hannah's Mommy again! We have been enjoying Hannah as well as she has been enjoying being home. We will get her counts later today or early tomorrow and then we will know if she needs any transfusions and when she will go back in Children's Hospital, as much as we want her to stay home we also want her to start her new 'Chemo' so she can be done and home for good! We want to Thank Everyone who helped with the blood drive Thursday, Karen B. a BIG THANK YOU! Kim C. Another BIG THANK YOU! without the two of you Hannah and I would be lost and many others in need of blood will now not go without! also Kim P. (my sister) Thank You, and Nancy S. Hannah loves the e-cards. and of course all those that gave Blood saw Hannah and wished her well. the card at the blood drive everyone signed and the gifts from those that made or gave Hannah were all so generous. I want to also Thank the Ohio UP Church for the use of the church for the blood drive and pastor Dennis as well,also the workers who drew the blood. I cannot remember all the names to Thank so please if we have forgotten anyone it was not meant. I was overwhelmed at the sight of so many people giving for a little girl and others they have not met. Praise God for such wonderful people! another way the Hannum's have been blessed. I will try to update as soon as I have the counts or talk with her Doctor, keep praying as we do, I know I need not ask for prayers many still are and never stopped praying and that has been a woderful thing knowing so many are praying for Hannah and that we are so Thankful for. take care and God Bless. The Hannum Family
Tuesday, July 29, 2003 12:00 AM CDT Hello to all our friends and family! Hannah will be at the blood drive after all! Praise God! her counts are not quite where they need to be for re-admitting for Wednesday so her new date will be August 6th providing her counts are high enough. she will be home and enjoying summer one more week. we plan another camping trip this weekend and Hannah is looking forward to toasting marshmallows over the fire. she has been enjoying all the cards sent to her at the house and the e-mail cards as well. Mommy is not allowed to open them anymore! she has to open HER mail. She has also been pestering Blakely since he has been back from his trip to California and then off to New York to go camping with his other grandfather so Hannah did not see her brother for a while and she is making up the difference for time she has not spent with him. We are Blessed with the many thoughts and prayers that Hannah has had and continues to have along with the family, we Thank Everyone for that and please do not forget about the Blood Drive Thursday July 31. Blood is the lifeline for so many not only for Hannah! hope to see you at the blood drive. in Christian Love, Hannnah and Family
Friday, July 25, 2003 7:05 AM CDT Good morning friends. The latest update on Hannah...
Hannah will not be at the blood drive now as planned. She's being readmitted most likely by Wed. This is actually good news! It means her counts have recovered faster than the last few times. Her counts need to be high enough for her to be readmitted so she can then be stripped down to zero again by the chemo. Once this is done, then her new, healthy cells will develop & recover, & the cycle of home temporarily, back in for chemo, long term hospital stay continues as it has in the past. This time she should be in the hospital 2 days for chemo, come home for 5 days, & then back in for 2 days more of chemo. At this point she will remain in CHP 2-4 weeks to recover. Once her counts are high enough for 3 consecutive days, she can be d/c'd home temporarily, & the cycle continues for the next 4 chemo treatments which is about 5-6 more months. She's doing well though. Her counts have been improving. She continues to receive platelet & blood transfusions on a regular basis.
Thank you all for your continued prayers for the Hannums. Please don't forget...the blood drive is fast approaching! Less than one week to go. KB says there are 44 already signed up and more than half a dozen potential walk-ins! Keep your fingers crossed that we hit the 50 pint mark.
OH...one more thing concerning the blood drive. Everyone who donates that day at OUPC can register to win a Ford Escape (I think that's the model).
I will be away on vacation all next week except for working the blood drive. If there is any news I am sure Holly will try to update, or I will post again Thursday night. Keep the Faith and God bless.
Monday, July 21, 2003 7:21 AM CDT Hannah's Home!!!
Good morning my friends. Just a note to let you all know that Hannah was discarched yesterday after receiving platelets since her counts had been above the minimum for 3 consecutive days. Barring any fever or infection, she could be home as long as 3 weeks before being readmitted to Children's for her next round of chemo.
The Hannum's are all very happy to have Hannah home with them, and Holly may even bring Hannah to the blood drive for a short while so that everyone can meet her.
If you have not done so, please call OUPC and schedule a time to donate. One donation can help as many as 3 children. Walk-ins are welcome though! Thank you and God bless.
Kim...
Friday, July 18, 2003 10:14 AM CDT Hello friends. I haven't heard much from Holly this week, but I thought I would stop in to say hello and tell you all that the blood drive is moving right along. Thank you to KB for all your hard work on it. Please give blood whenever and wherever you can. It truly is giving the gift of life. God bless and take care. When I hear more from Holly I will update again.
Kim...
Monday, July 7, 2003 6:56 PM CDT Hello Friends, Hannah's Mommy here (yes it really is me!) Hannah is feeling better and has had no fever for 3 days now Praise God! We are just waiting for Hannah's ANC count to come up so she can come home. She will continue to have both blood and platelet transfusions until her own system has come back and starts to produce again. Hannah did have a reaction to platelets last week while she was being treated for fever with Antibiotics she needed Blood and PLatelets and after her blood transfusion they hung her platelets and I noticed a few minutes after they started she was shaking more and more and complaining she hurt and was cold, I looked at the bag hanging and they were AB Hannah's Blood type is O so I panicked and flew to Hannah's nurse to tell her Hannah was shaking badly and the platelets were AB not Hannah's Blood type, she assured me Hannah could have AB platelets but after calling in the other Doctors they stopped the platelets immediately and gave her benadril and demmerol to stop the reaction she was having. I was scared to death and after Hannah stopped shaking and started to calm down I asked many questions like why did she react this way if she could have this type? and was this normal to react like this? I told the Doctors I want O platelets ONLY for Hannah and after speaking to a nurse was told they could have been expired or expiring and children under 18 with no immune systems like Hannah should get type specific platelets to lessen any reaction they could have so I make sure all platelets are O before they hang them!
Hannah has been waiting for her big brother Blake to return from his trip to California for the past few weeks. He went down with my Father to visit my brother and his family and get away to have a bit of a break and enjoy himself while we were are in the hospital with Hannah. Having a sick child in the hospital can be disruptive to the whole family environment so this was good for everyone having him go to California, we missed him and he will be back Tuesday evening. We hope she will have counts by next weekend then we plan a family camping trip, the weather and her counts permitting. Hannah will have a story about her and the July 31st Blood Drive done in the Beaver and Allegheny County times. A reporter and Photographer will be up to see us Wednesday this week at the hospital and will talk with some of her Doctors as well, I will find out then when the interview will be in the news paper.
Information is key to helping others and I plan to write "Hannah's Story" at length to help other families and Doctors alike in hopes some questions can be answered and those who have just been diagnosed can relate and the fear they feel can be eased. I find by talking to other families who have been down the same road just by a few months more are a help in what they have experienced and can share with me. They have points brought up to what questions they have asked and where to go for information or help both in and out of the hospital. I find my fears ease after talking with other families and in doing this I have gained a "family" and have become part of another "family" as we share Doctors, Nurses and even types of cancers our children have been diagnosed with. Throughout all of this I have learned patience and strength and I am still learning from Hannah daily, She is amazing and if we listen we can learn from our children. Hannah continues to be happy and active even while 'locked' in her room 90f the time she is in the hospital, We have truly been blessed with Hannah in how well she has done through all of this both mentally and physically.
I will be posting more pictures of Hannah soon and will keep in touch with Kim who has been doing a wonderful job of keeping up the web site for me while I am at the hospital. THANK YOU KIM! I have many more people to Thank as well helping to set up Blood Drives in Hannah's name and (if they are reading this they know who thay are) I do not want to publish names without permission. Praise God for friends family and the wonderful Doctors and Nurses helping Hannah. God Bless all, Holly
Friday, June 27, 2003 4:15 AM CDT Hello again friends. Some good news from Holly:
as for Hannah, no counts yet but, her fever is gone Praise God! she is starting to look and feel like the 'old Hannah' but with the Vancomycin she gets she needs benadril (pre meds) so her reaction is only a slight rash. the doctors are 'butting heads' over stopping the vancomycin I am just watching her turn rashy and red with each dose, some seem to do nothing and others seem to make her skin bumpy feeling and rashy looking. I am glad to see her acting her self again.
Please remember to donate blood if you are able! If you do not live here where the drive is being held, donate at your local Red Cross or Central Blood Bank. Thank you and God bless.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003 12:51 AM CDT Hello friends. I hope you are all enjoying nice weather where you are. It is finally summer here in PA. Here is the latest from Holly:
fever started Saturday approx. 24 hours after she finished her Chemo and they cultured her blood from both tubes and found gram positive strep! back on the Vancomycin and today she had both blood (direct donor but no date so??) and she also had platelets but she had a bad BAD reaction to the platelets even with benadril on board, they say this happens and is "normal" UGH!! I was a wreck!! she shook so hard and her temp went up litterally in seconds and her coloring got very "molded" in color (purpleish white bloches) she complained with teeth chattering about her head and belly hurting. they gave her benadril, demeral and meripennim then vancomycin just after stopping the platelets and it took a bit but all is well again, still watching her closely and every doctor and specialist came to see her in the past 24 hours! they have newly graduated doctors on the ward so they are all stopping by and checking on her often. we are in good hands at childrens but it is still a long road. prayers to get us through and strength.
Please keep the prayers going for Hannah's complete recovery. Thank you all and God bless.
Kim...
Friday, June 20, 2003 7:37 AM CDT Hello friends. I hope you all have a safe and blessed weekend. Here is the latest news on Hannah:
Doctor Bay a Geneticist met with me today to gather more information on Hannah's Mosaic Downs results and until she sees the actual results herself on paper and puts together the information gathered today she is not making any statement of facts and diagnosis for Hannah. Doctor Shaw ( Hannah's HEMO-OC Doctor)was also in to speak with both Mark and I, with Hannah's skin biopsy showing the Mosaic Downs his colleagues and several other 'mavericks' got together via e-mail and meetings to discuss all the options that would be best for Hannah in way of treatments for her Myelodysplastic Syndrome (AML) now with the skin biopsy results in.
Doctor Shaw said all had agreed to treat her with straight 'Chemo' like a typical AML patient but have the Bone Marrow on the "back burner" if she was still in need later down the road. She will finish this round and type of 'Chemo' Friday afternoon and stay in the hospital to recover just like last time and then be home for a short while then return to undergo 4 more rounds of 'Chemo' that are not as strong as she was getting and shorter times (2 days of 'Chemo' home for up to 5 then 2 days of 'Chemo' but stay to recover only 2-4 weeks verses 4-6 weeks) this will take her through or to New Years.
Hannah will keep her Broviach in for a few months after she finishes her 'Chemo' treatments just for routine blood draws and in case of her needing IV medicines for infections. She will be monitored closely and the goal is cancer free for 5+ years then her chances for relapse are fewer. She will also be going through monitoring for her mosaic Downs as well but this has not been detailed as to what will be done. I will post when I know anything from Doctor Bay and keep you updated with what will be found.
Thank you all for your prayers and concern for Hannah and her family. They are greatly appreciated.
Kim...
Tuesday, June 17, 2003 9:30 AM CDT Good morning friends. I have been having server trouble here at work so I will make this update brief.
Hannah was readmitted to CHP today as planned & started her next 4 day round of chemo. She's doing well but did need to have a blood transfusion. She'll be staying in the hospital for the next 30 days as I've mentioned before to let her immune system recover. The rest of the plans are all on hold & pending now for the time being. The skin biopsy she had done several weeks ago came back showing she tested positive for Mosaic Down's Syndrome. The doctors must now determine the next course of action whether it be more chemo or go straight to the bone marrow transplant as originally planned.
For more information on Mosaic Down Syndrome, you can check the links below. God bless you and thank you for your continued prayers for the Hannum family.
Kim...
Friday, June 13, 2003 9:46 AM CDT Hello friends. Just a quick note on Hannah:
Hannah is doing well, the usual complaints of her belly hurting, this could be from the medicine and 'Chemo' working on her whole system, her broviach stopped bleeding as it was the other day for now it just seeps a little but dries as quick as it shows up.
Hannah's counts are holding steady white: 4.1 Hemoglobin: 8.7 platelets: 274,000 Anc: 1,400 not down too far from her last check before starting the 'Chemo' this time. just a quick update, we plan a quiet weekend home and will see my dad on Sunday and Mark's dad as well if he is feeling better.
I wish you all a safe and blessed weekend. Thank you for your continued prayers for Hannah and her family.
Kim...
Wednesday, June 11, 2003 7:48 AM CDT Hello friends. A happy, if somewhat soggy, Wednesday to you all. Hannah has been released from Children's and is home for now. She will be back at Children's soon though. Here is the latest from Holly:
Hannah either bumped rolled scratched rubbed ect.. on her OLD line site and with the new bandage sticking and kinda pulling it a bit opened it up, they used no stitches to close the old sites and the area they used to do the "cut down" just the neck had sterri strips but only because the nurse put them there after her dressing change and Hannah was fussing around the area and she did not want her to poke at it to infection or opening it up!
I spoke with the doctor 3 times in a half hour time frame and started to cry and felt like an ass but he assured me I was normal to worry and not to feel bad I am a mom with feelings and emotions and with this situation of Cancer they worry when parents are like OH well... but he said not to change it and call the clinic in the morning and I may need to go there sometime for them to look at it x-ray her and change the dressing again. I was going to sterry strip it closed then thought what if it is inside and I stop the outside "warning" with the seeping/bleed and not know it. he said check her temps tonight and her breathing and belly. she is cool and breathing fine color is what it was at discharge time and does not look like it is still seeping blood.
Thank you once again for all of the prayers and well wishes for Hannah and her family. God bless.
Kim...
Monday, June 9, 2003 7:15 AM CDT Hello friends. I hope you didn't get hit too bad with the storms last night. Here is the latest on Hannah:
She's doing well despite the setbacks w/ her Broviach cath. She was scheduled to have a new Broviach inserted this past Thurs, but her OR time kept getting bumped due to traumas & other emergencies that had the OR's filled to capacity. She did finally have her surgery done on Friday & came through it well. Friday night her 1st round of chemo began, which will run a 4 day course. Plans are for d/c home Tues night for 6 days or less - depending on if she runs a fever. She'll be readmitted on Mon the 16th for her second round of a 4 day chemo regimen. This time she stays in CHP for a full 30 days or longer to recover since her body will be once again stripped of immunity. As I mentioned before, during this time a battery of baseline testing will be done in order to prep her for her bone marrow transplant. If all goes well during her 30+ day recovery period, she may be able to be d/c'd home again for a short time before being readmitted for her bone marrow transplant. The goal at this point is to have the transplant performed by early August. Once it's done, Hannah will remain in the hospital approx another month or so - depending on how her body reacts to the transplant.
Thank you for your continues prayers for Hannah and the entire Hannum family. God bless.
Kim...
Thursday, June 5, 2003 7:17 AM CDT Good morning friends. I got an email from Karen about Hannah. Things didn't quite go as planned but they are moving forward.
Hannah was admitted today but did not have her chemo as planned. The other line on her Broviach is blocked now so tomorrow (Thurs) she goes into surgery to have this Broviach removed & a new one w/ larger lines inserted. Once she wakes up from surgery, her 4 day chemo regimen will begin. She should be discharged Monday & then readmitted on Friday for her second round of chemo. Her counts are up.
Please don't forget about the upcoming repleneshment drive as well. When Karen finalizes the arrangements with Central Blood Bank, I will post the information here. The scheduled date and time are July 31 from 2-7 pm.
Thank you all for your continued prayers for Hannah and her family. God bless.
Kim...
Tuesday, June 3, 2003 7:39 AM CDT Hello friends. Not much new to report on Hannah. They went camping last weekend and it rained so they watched DVDs inside but everyone had a great time. They are awaiting the results from Hannah's biopsies and will move forward when those arrive.
However, there is something else I would like to ask of you all. You have been more than generous with your prayers and now we ask you to donate something just as valuable...
"Replenishment Blood Drive"
in honor of
Hannah Hannum
WHEN: Thursday, July 31st, 2003
TIME: 2pm-7pm (tentatively)
PLACE: Ohio United Presbyterian Church Corner of Longvue Ave & Maratta Rd Hopewell Twp, PA
CONTACT: Karen Barth to sign up a time to donate
Time slots run approx every 15 min, & more than 1 slot is available often.
Sign up sheets will soon be posted also during church services at Ohio UP Church - More details to come re: the time frame availablity.
Karen can be reached at munchkin816@hotmail.com. As more information becomes available on the blood drive I will update it here. If you are interested in obtaining a flier to post in your business or church, please email me at kimberlycrisi@yahoo.com. Thank you all for your continued support for the Hannum family. God bless.
Thursday, May 29, 2003 1:50 PM CDT Hello friends...I heard from Holly today and there has been a change in plans as far as Hannah being readmitted to Children's...
She was able to have the Bone Marrow biopsy and aspiration also the skin biopsy yesterday but unable to be admitted as her counts even though they are up and rising not quite high enough for the next round of 'Chemo'.
They do not want to strip her immune system too soon as this could delay her next round of recovery so it is better to wait and let it recover further. She will be admitted next Wednesday and will start the 'Chemo' for 4 days then home for 5 or less (fevers usually hit sooner second time around)then we go back for another 4 days of 'Chemo' but remain in the hospital to recover then they will do her testing before transplant (i.e. heart, lung,eyes, ears, liver and ect.) at this point she may go home for a short while then go back for her surgery to put in another IV line to her chest then she gets her transplant and stays to recover for about 1 month more or less.
Hannah's doctor, Peter Shaw, called to update us on the preliminary checkup of her marrow under the microscope from yesterdays biopsy, so far her marrow is recovering nicely and is doing well cells are maturing well and what blasts he is seeing are far and fewer than what she had initially before 'Chemo' and are non specific. this is good news!
Thank you all for your continued prayers for Hannah as she fights to regain her good health, and for her family's strength as they help her along. Holly says Hannah is in high spirits and that is such a blessing. Take care and God bless...
Kim
Tuesday, May 27, 2003 9:54 AM CDT Hannah's HOME!!!!
Hello friends. I hope you all had a blessed Memorial Day weekend and didn't overdo the hot dogs and hamburgers! There isn't much new to update, but here is what Holly told me today:
We go in for her (hopefully this time!) bone marrow and skin biopsy and blood work, if her counts are stable and up enough she will be re admitted and start her 'Chemo' tomorrow evening. she will be in for 4 days then home for 5 maybe less as the second round can bring on the fevers much faster, then she will go back for 4 more days but stay to recover and when she is "recovered" she stays to get ready for transplant by having many tests, heart lung eyes ears...etc. this will help them to have a "base line" of what all her body is doing before transplant. then she goes to surgery to have another double lumen broviach put on the other side of her chest and put on a heart monitor for the duration of the transplant and recovery from the transplant.
When she recovers from surgery a day or more then they transplant the new marrow or cord blood and we wait to recover from the transplant. this stay from the second trip in for 'Chemo' we will be in close to 3 months maybe longer, depending on her counts and recovery time.
Thank you all for your continued prayers for Hannah and her family. God bless you all.
Thursday, May 22, 2003 7:58 AM CDT Hannah's HOME!!!!
Hello friends! I have some good news and some great news from Holly. Hannah went in yesterday for some testing and they had trouble with her broviac being clogged. They have to use something called TPA, an anti-clotting agent, to unclog it. However, the nurse inadvertently broke one of the broviacs! It was a long day for all, but they were able to fix it and unclog one, but not both of the broviacs. Here is the good news:
Now for the good news! Hannah's platelet count is recovering on it's own! we thought she would need platelets today but when they checked her counts they were up to 29,000. Monday they had only been 20,000 and they transfuse 20,000 and below. that was the first good news, her other counts were up as well. with the broviach troubles we are able to have Hannah home through next Wednesday and this will allow her cells to recover more and also be better for the marrow test.
She is allowed visitors and can go visiting just limited and stay away from sick people or recently sick people. we can go shopping ( I am not pushing this but if I need milk and bread and we are feeling good I may take her) we may try to squeeze in another camping trip before Wednesday? The doctor said if her counts are not high enough to start chemo we can just have her at home and enjoy more home time with her!!!
And the great news!
they found BOTH Cord Blood and Bone Marrow donors (a few of each.. not just one!)that match her 6 of 6 and more. now they just have to figure out what one will be best for her. He also checked her blood under the microscope and found ALL good cells, no bad ones! SHE is recovering and he is pleased with how well she has done through this whole process! God has blessed her and the family.
She still has a long road and will spend over 2 months in the hospital recovering from the chemo then surgery to prepare her for transplant then recovering from transplant. The doctors feel confident she will do as well this next go round, she may be stripped out to zero quicker and have fevers more or higher but thinks she will handle thins as well.
Keep the prayers and hope alive my friends! God bless!
Kim...
Tuesday, May 20, 2003 2:00 PM CDT Hannah's HOME!!!!
Hello friends...just a quick update on Hannah before I go home for the day. Holly says Hannah is enjoying her time at home and is adapting well to her new rules and limitations.
She will go in tomorrow for her skin biopsy and bone marrow test. Doctor Shaw thinks they will find no cells or blasts left after her initial chemo treatment but wants to go ahead with another round of chemo like she had before to both get any left over cells out that are not yet developed and to give more time for them to find a good donor match for her.
They are looking into both bone and cord blood so if at the end of this chemo she needs transplanted quickly they will go with cord blood if they have a bone marrow match that is the best match they will go with bone marrow. We still have a long road to go through and we will get through it one day at a time, with the Good Lord guiding us!
Thank you for your continued prayers for the Hannum family, and for the doctors and nurses who will be caring for her in the days and weeks ahead.
Thursday, May 15, 2003 7:09 AM CDT Hannah's HOME!!!!
Hannah was released from Children's yesterday afternoon and spent the evening at home playing with the family's new puppy! She will be home for a week to a week and a half while they wait to see what the next move is in her treatment. Please keep Holly, Mark, Blake and especially Hannah in your prayers. Thanks to all!
Kim...
Wednesday, May 14, 2003 7:20 AM CDT Hello friends...
I got an email from Holly this morning to say that Hannah was not discharged on Monday as they had hoped. Here is some of what Holly said:
We are still in the hospital, Hannah's counts started to drop again on Sunday and had dropped to zero by Monday. Today she has more counts than before so the doctors are shooting for a discharge of Friday.
We have to wait and see how her counts are doing Wednesday hopefully they will continue to rise, and same for Thursday. We then go home until Wednesday next week for a clinic appointment for her bone marrow test. they will determine what is her next step in treatment for her after we see what her marrow is doing. after the clinic appointment if all is going well with her we can go home again until Friday or possibly the following Wednesday! Just a week is great and we will take what we get and enjoy every second while at home. Hannah will get to enjoy the new addition to the family, our Dachshund(wiener dog) Wendy, who is 5 months old and very small.
We will know more after her bone marrow test, that will be done once her counts are over 5,000. our goal is to be home Friday and tested Wednesday then take the best route for her recover to continue and do what needs done to get her into remission!
Holly also said that Hannah has been chosen to be photographed for a book! The working title is 24/7: A Week in the Life of America. Please keep up the prayers for Hannah, that her counts rise enough to let her enjoy some time at home with her family before they decide how best to continue her treatment. Thank you all and God bless and keep you safe.
Kim...
Monday, May 12, 2003 9:27 AM CDT Great news! Holly called on Saturday but I didn't get to speak with her. But she left a message saying that they finally got some cell counts for Hannah and they may release her today! Please say a prayer that Hannah's counts return to normal and they can do what is necessary for her complete recovery! I will update again as soon as I hear something from Holly. Thank you all for your continued prayers.
Friday, May 9, 2003 7:08 AM CDT Hello my friends. My apologies for not updating yesterday, but the end of the fiscal year is here and work was insane. Here is the latest news on Hannah...
Everything is going well, Hannah had another fever Monday afternoon and it was up (104) and down until Wednesday mid morning. she had platelets today but still no counts. we are going into day 25 and 28-45 is the normal recovery time. we still wait and pray.
Blakely is not a donor for her nor are Mark and I. we found out Tuesday evening, I cried for two reasons, for Hannah not having the better donor from her sibling and for relief Blake did not have to go through pain and fear and worry. I guess even if he was then I would have more worries for the both of them, him in pain and healing and her for healing and no rejection or complications.
Thank you all for your continued prayers. God willing, Hannah's blood counts should begin to rise soon and she will be able to come home before too long. God bless.
Thursday, May 1, 2003 7:47 AM CDT Good morning friends. I have been trying to get here to update for Holly, but the end of semester is crazy around here! Here are some excerpts from recent emails about Hannah:
Hannah has a bit of a cough but we believe this is from her clear runny nose, no infection or virus maybe cold or allergies as the runny nose started when they started the antibiotics when she was first back in. The cough could be the drainage running into her throat. she ended up with being allergic to the antibiotic Vancomycin, she started developing a rash that kept getting worse even with benadril, why they waited so long??? They are the doctors after all they know what they are doing. they switched her to a new one with little to no side effects reported from this antibiotic. her counts are still down but the white ones seem to on the rise again, any day now we keep getting told we should see her counts going up.
the doctors say the counts (still not up yet..) should be heading upwards soon, she is showing signs of "energy" then the counts follow. just disconcerning when you see the white count go up then drop down again. her platelts are falling agin as well but I am sure she will get those again by the weekend or sooner. went from 49,000 to 23,000 in 3 days. her system has not started to make her cells yet so this is not un expected. I know the good Lord is watching us and guiding Hannah as well.
Thank you all for checking in here and keeping Hannah and her family in your prayers.
Monday, April 28, 2003 9:22 AM CDT Good Monday morning friends. Holly sent this picture over the weekend and asked me to put it up. This is Hannah after her treatment.
Holly didn't say much about how Hannah is, but I think the picture speaks volumes! She looks so sweet and she is still smiling through all of this. Please continue to keep Hannah and all her family in your prayers. They are working!
Thursday, April 24, 2003 7:17 AM CDT Good morning Friends. Kimberly Crisi here with another update on Hannah. Here is an excerpt from Holly's email last night:
Hello, Hannah has had a few good nights and days, little pain but when it hits she lets you know! her hair is gone all but a few wispy strands (blondish red.) we know that means the chemo is working! the pain in her bones is from the neuprogen (spelling????) is for rebuilding her white cells so we know that is working as well. her white counts are starting to rise and within the next few days we should see her other counts recovering as well. Praise God he is working to make her better!! I am looking into a new web cam, digital so I can sent pictures from the hospital. she is cute with no hair!!! the nurses are "fighting" over who gets to take care of her on their shift!! she keeps them all happy with her smiles, jokes and happy personality all around. she has little complaints. the doctors try to make her the first patient to be seen in the morning on rounds as she makes their day as well with a smile and thank you when they are done.
Holly said they will all be tested for a possible donor match this week. Blakely has the best chance of being a match for Hannah. Please keep praying for Hannah's complete recovery! Thank you and God bless.
Monday, April 21, 2003 8:10 AM EDT Hello friends. This is Kimberly Crisi again. I hope you all had a blessed and joyous Easter.
Hannah has finished her last round of chemo for now. She is in special need of your prayers as they wait out her immune system rebuilding itself. But Holly says Hannah is a real fighter and although the meds cause her serious discomfort, she takes them without much fuss.
That is all for now, but please note that the incorrect phone number had been posted below. I have put the correct number on the page.
Thank you all for your prayers and support for Holly, Mark, Blakely, and especially Hannah!
Thursday, April 10, 2003 3:10 PM CDT Hello to all who have visited and signed the book and wished Hannah well! Thank YOU!!! we are getting ready for her big 3rd birthday tomorrow!! I will post pictures as soon as I have them developed. Hannah is happy being home and bugging her big brother Blake, knocking over his soldiers he worked so long and hard to set up on his floor!
I do have information on direct donation of blood for Hannah, she is O+ with CMV- , if you are O+ and would like to donate please e-mail me and I will give you the number to call. anyone else who is not O+ but wants to donate please DO! other children are in need of blood as well.
I want to again Thank Everyone for all the cards, thoughts and prayers, they really do help get us through when we need them the most. I will post again as soon as I can, God Bless, HOLLY
Tuesday, April 8, 2003 5:17 PM CDT Hello, I am Holly, mother of Hannah Jane 3 years old on April, 11th 2003. Hannah's story is as follows: She and her older brother Blakely had check ups on March 27th and during the doctors noticed Hannah as being very pale and anemic looking, they did a simple blood test to see her counts and that did not take so they sent us to the Medical Center in Beaver for further blood testing. while there the doctor called with the results and said she was severely anemic and needed admitted for treatment right away.
We went downstairs to the pediatric ward and Mark my husband and Hannah's father, arrived shortly after then a team of doctors came to examine Hannah and run further tests. about 2 PM one of the doctors came in while Hannah slept on my chest and gave us the news that we would be transported to Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh very soon as she was diagnosed as having Leukemia. She said her age and fact that she was a girl gave her better chances for survival, I just went numb and cried and the rest of the time there was a blur. Mark and I had just had the wind knocked out of us and then when we arrived at Children's the second time they said she has what looks like Leukemia did not seem to hit as hard.
She had more testing done and an IV put in then we were put on the 8th floor north for the next 11 days. she had a bone marrow biopsy the very next morning to determine her exact type of leukemia. the diagnosis would not come until Tuesday evening. MDS Myelodysplastic Syndrome, not common for kids her age, while we waited we had been given books about Leukemia and other cancers. so much information and some that scared us just reading about it. Hannah has had 3 transfusions of both blood and platelets, she is O+ and will need more blood and platelets down the road and as I find out how or where to donate blood for Hannah in her name I will post that as well.
She had a Double Lumen Broviach put into her chest on Wednesday April second for a main line to deliver medication blood draws and chemo therapy, she started her chemo on Wednesday evening after her surgery and has done well with the first round. she is mostly smiles when not asleep and always the polite little girl with please and Thank You when they are done looking or 'poking' at her, if I had a hero to choose in my lifetime it would have to be our Daughter for her fight and courage she shows going through a tough battle at her age and what little knowledge she has of this whole process. I know as an adult what a tough time I would have but looking into her big blue eyes and seeing her smile knowing we have a wonderful support of family, friends, Marks co-workers and staff at the Hospital and most importantly prayers and God's guidence one day at a time with the roughest roads ahead we shall get through this!
Everyone asks often how can I help and I respond with pray for her and Mark and I do as well as we can day to day, having her home has been wonderful, we hope to have her home again after the next round is done and her Immune system is back up to a normal level. she has good odds for recovery.we will be able to celebrate Hannah's 3rd birthday on Friday at home! The spinal fluid was cleared of any cells after her surgery and she will have her second spinal tap on Tuesday April 15th, start her second round of chemo on Monday April, 14th and be in for up to 6 weeks. they are going to test our son Blakely to see if he can be a marrow donor for Hannah at a later date.
She will lose her hair soon and really look like her daddy then! the hair will grow back when the chemo is done.This is all I have for now and I will post as often as I can with updates and information on where and how to donate blood for and in Hannah's name. Thank You to all our family, friends and prayer chains going for Hannah and the family. God Bless! Love, Hannah Jane, Mark, Holly and Blakely.
to answer any questions on how she presented with symptoms, this first was noticed back in December with a blue bruise that did not go away it was watched for a month until it faded. she was mildly anemic then but no other symptoms. with the information now that we have and read she had other signs, ulcers in the mouth seemed to get the run of the mill colds more often and harder to shake an illness once she had one, was getting tired more often and sleeping more often. I noticed at her last appointment a week before her diagnosis she was more pale and had bruises just start popping up on her legs in front mostly and some little ones down her spine and on some joints. as a mom she just did not seem well and I feared this after reading up on it back in December. I went over this many times in my head what could I have done to stop this? what did I do to cause this? I found out that this is common for parents to do and nothing we did or did not do would have made a difference.
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