A new year! Anabel is doing great! She is down to a check up every 4 months and the next one is in February, I think :) We always schedule on a Tuesday in hopes of seeing Kay and Arlene and the crew. The nursers are as sweet as ever. I was reminded last night by a sweetheart (Amy) at Peachwave downtown, that there are many people who are changed by our story and remember us but most especially remember my sweet Daniel. We are now 6 years closer to seeing him again in heaven. Praise you God for that! Where would we be without Jesus's gift of salvation through the cross!
Here is what we've been up to this past year.
Bobby is running now and eating vegetables! He has lost 30 pounds...from where I really don't know...and looks more like a movie star than ever before. He is working hard at Robyn and keeping busy with teaching about social media and networking. He is still the most amazing man I've ever met and he still for some reason loves me :)
I am still homeschooling the kids and tinkering in selling books on ebay and amazon. (Bobby, guard your bookcases!) My New Years Resolution is (again) to lose 30 pounds, and run a half marathon with my husband, we'll see.
Josh is a Senior/Junior in high school (not exactly sure where we stand on the credits list yet). He is in two bands, TWN (The Waiting Novation) which he drums and does back up vocals for and Facing Giants which he is the lead screamer/singer for. TWN has put out a CD which is for sale on Amazon and Facing Giants is recording now. He also played last night an acoustic set last nigh at the before mentioned Peachwave with all original songs which he sung beautifully! He is looking forward to a career in music and we know he will do wonderfully. We are so proud!
Anabel is in 8th grade and growing more beautiful inside and out every day. She is wise beyond her years, very head strong, and still producing pages of drawings every day. She also sculpts incredibly well and has expressed interest in moving to fondant and modeling chocolate after seeing the amazing creations on Cake Boss. She could totally do it. She is also playing volleyball and is on a great team with a great group of kids.
Caleb is in 6th grade and in gymnastics! He is doing great, but mostly he loves it and would be there everyday if he could. He can do a handstand on the parallel bars, and 5 giants on the high bar, and several other thinga I don't remember the name of or what they are exactly, but they look very impressive. He is a walking muscle and we may have to take out a loan just to keep feeding him. He is also playing the bass guitar and doing very well. His favorite thing however is annoying his sister and talking.
Jonnie, is 4 almost 5 and busy, busy, busy. He wiggles until he passes out in his bed at night. He also enjoys talking, constantly, dressing up like Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Stitch, and Woody, drawing, painting, climbing and singing. He is a mish mash pot of all the kids and so much fun. Daniel, I'm sure is soaking in the radiance of our Lord and if a day is like a 1,000 years in heaven it's only been about 10 minutes since he's seen us. I know he's in good hands :), but this brings me comfort. He would be 9 and probably in 3rd grade.
My parents are still wonderful and very involved in the kids' lives. I am blessed beyond measure.
I was complaining to someone a few weeks ago about how my kids seem to fight so much and don't seem to be thankful. I said, "I guess they've had it too easy and are just spoiled", then I realized what I said and laughed. You know what, my kids are normal! We have not had an easy 7 years, but my kids are normal! Yes, you can be thankful when your kids show some discontentment. A teaching moment? Definitely. But they are normal kids, I don't mind that, really.
So this has been a very busy year and I pray you all will know the greatness of the Lord's love this year.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"
Audra
Friday, December 18, 2009 12:29 AM CST
Five years ago our boy entered heaven and left my arms for a time only God knows. I will try to view this as five years closer to seeing him again.
The kids are growing. Josh is 16, Anabel 13, Caleb 11 1/2, and Jon will be 4 in February. We are all doing well and keeping busy.
Anabel has been off treatment two years in August and will be in remission 5 years this coming May!
We wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a year full of the knowledge of Christ's love.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 7:41 PM CDT
Anabel's clinic visit went great. The Drs say she looks good and all her counts are good. Thank you Lord. We were able to visit with the wonderful art group and saw sweet friends. I wish I could bring myself to volunteer. I am caught between the loss of one child and the joy of the other's health. I can relate to a larger group of moms there, but I spend the night sobbing when I get home. We'll see, maybe someday. She was trying to encourage new, scared patients to come in the art room. We are enjoying the summer, except for a small twister that popped up next to our house today. Never a dull moment!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, June 1, 2009 3:23 PM CDT
It has been a long time since I've updated! Anabel goes to the clinic next week and we expect good news. She is doing well, we all are; enjoying summer. Here are a few new pictures so you can see how everyone has grown.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, January 7, 2009 9:17 PM CST
Wishing everyone a blessed New Year living in the light of His mercy and grace.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 12:30 AM CST
He was the music of our home, A day that knew no night. The fragrance of our garden bower A thing all smiles and light.
Above the couch we bent and prayed In the half-lighted room, As the bright hues of infant life Sank slowly into gloom.
The form remained; but there was now No soul our love to share; Farewell, with weeping hearts, we said, Child of our love and care.
But years are moving quickly past, And time will soon be o're; Death shall be swallowed into life On the immortal shore.
Then shall we clasp that hand once more, And smooth that golden hair; Then shall we kiss those lips again, When we shall meet him there.
Horatio Bonar (1875)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Tuesday, December 9, 2008 10:52 PM CST
Words from my dear sweet "knight in shining armor"
Living, the Daniel Way
It is late. The sterile hallway of the hospital is filled with an ominous silence on the children's cancer floor but inside our room we choose to dispel the quiet with life! We create a makeshift drum set with the kitchen utensils, using bowls and covers for drums and spoons, forks and knives for drumsticks. The stereo blasts a bright, upbeat song and were it not for his little bald head one would not recognize the bobbing, laughing child on the bed as a cancer patient. We bang our trays loudly with hopes of driving away the sadness with smiles and the darkness with light. It works.
We dance and play and sing and laugh with the same song, over and over. I decide the hospital laundry hamper would make a fantastic basketball hoop and crumple dozens of paper towels for balls. Daniel laughs with delight making shot after shot. We blow up rubber glove balloons and bounce them around the room and off each other's heads and throw fruit chews up in the air and try and catch them in our mouths.
The evening eventually wears on and his giggles turn to whimpers as he tuckers out, ready again for a much needed rest. I lay him down on his crib and turn to my bed in the room. The half dark hospital room reflects my troubled spirit. Nighttime is a dangerous time for the mind. It is in these quiet hours of the dark that one begins to think, and tired minds generally give way to despair. I am filled with questions.
How can this little boy be so full of life yet so filled with disease? How can we go from normal to chaos over a few words "your son has cancer?"
The night languidly drifts away along with my thoughts as they center on the families of the two young children who have died of Neuroblastoma this week. The question that most begs to be answered is, "Dear God, why?" Why give these children and these families the lives of these little ones only to take them away?
I ramble through the Rolodex of my mind over the attributes of the God I know and have learned about for over thirteen years of walking with Him. I ruminate over familiar doctrine regarding the fall of man away from God, man's choosing to live apart from Life, and God's redeeming love that rescues us from sin and despair. Yet, Jacob's spirit rises strong within me, I wrestle with the Angel and am overcome with more questions. I slip away to sleep as fitfully as Daniel and pray for morning grace.
Night soon gives way to day and we make the morning shift-change as Audra enters the room. My mind, familiar with the routine of preparing to go to work, is absorbed in the day's appointments and "to-do's". Leaving the hospital I realize the gloom of the evening shadows dissipated with the dark and a new day has dawned. I turn the crank on the pickup truck, thankful that Audra found a parking place close. (Three hours of sleep wears on one quickly.)
My thoughts lift as answers to my questions, in the form of (what else) more questions, begin to paradoxically answer my cry.
Since Daniel's diagnosis, it goes without saying that we have cherished his life like no other. We dance and sing to the music in our schoolroom. We go for walks to observe the trees and sky. We take midnight drives to let the road wind blow through our hair and gaze at the stars and moon in it's simple splendor. We laugh, we paint, we hug and hold and kiss and play chase through the hallways of our home. We play with our silverware in restaurants and wear our good clothes outside. We do things with Daniel we never did with our other children. Preoccupied with providing a living, I neglected to celebrate with them the joy of living. Dad is less concerned about work; mom is less concerned about home. There are no distractions big enough to interfere with our available moments. We shout with Shakespeare's Hamlet "So hallowed and so gracious is the time!"
Could it be, the answers to my questions lie in the fact that these children themselves are possibly divine messengers? These children with their weakened bodies and fragile immune systems, though physically unable to account for much, are they actually responsible for giving life back to those of us who walk beside them? Could it be that within the paradox of their shattered lives they actually convey to us parents and friends an intense expression of the immense love the Father has for us, His children, (and therefore His desire for us to enjoy living?) Jesus Himself said, "Let the children come to me for such is the kingdom of heaven." Could it be that those of us of the stubborn heart need dramatic reminders that life, living, is more important than coping or surviving, or even thriving? These children and their resilient smiles and exultant presence encourage us to glory and revel in the now, despite the pain, for every day is a sweet gift from God, none deserving, each a rich bestowment of undeserved favor. Maybe their living among us for such a short time reveals how all our relationships should be, a covenant of celebration, of life and love. Most importantly, could it be that their short lives are the only window through which we may ever really come into contact with the living God and ourselves become like children and inherit the kingdom? Could it be that in the fastidious pace of our lives we neglect to realize that the God who spared not His only Son still goes to amazing lengths to communicate to our hearts, even today?
"What if this present were the world's last night?" asks John Donne in his Holy Sonnets.
I reply for myself and echo the sentiment of many cancer families around the world: it is an ecstatic jubilation. And in the brief twilight of our lives together, may the heartfelt expression of the Father sing through the brokenness of these tiny lives and shatter all illusions of a vindictive God for all of us for good. May the "why's" dissolve with the tears we shed and become forever the fruit of a fallen grain of wheat, a tribute to a God who loves enough to send us not only His Son, but His sons and daughters, these beautiful fragmented lives, living epistles, shining glories of His grace.
A Conversation with Danny He touches my face as if he is the consoler and I am the consoled.
"What are we doing here?" he asks. I respond, softly, "Healing you from cancer." "What's cancer?" "A terrible sickness." "Why do I have 'cancer'?" "I don't know." "You don't know?" "I have my theories." "Where is mommy?" "Home." "Will she be back?" "Of course, she needs some rest. You're stuck with me kiddo."
His eyes smile. I strain to keep from weeping, not from sadness; from joy. We've made a habit of studying each other’s faces since his diagnosis. I prop him up slightly in front of a mountain of pillows and lean on both my hands directly over his face, gazing reflectively as if in a pool of water. I do not recall sharing moments as intimate as these with our other three children, at least not at such an early age. Maybe if I had slowed down we would have shared them. I'm slowed now.
His small hands move tenderly across my stubbled cheek.
"You're funny." "I'm not mommy, you silly goose." "Will we be here long?" "As long as it takes." "That's a daddy-answer. How long?" "Months, off and on, maybe years." "Why so long?" "That's just how long it takes." "Why?" "I don't know." "That's your favorite response." "That's my only response...I know very little these days." "But you read, you study, you think." "I know less and less with it." "Maybe you can think us both out of here. "I wish I could." "Why can't you?" "I don't know. I'm not able."
I shift uncomfortably on the bed. My back is aching but I'm afraid to move and ruin our conversation. He sticks his thumb in his mouth, turns his head toward the tag on his blanket, then jerks his head and hands back to my face as if remembering something.
"Talk to Him, He'll understand." "I do. I have. I am." "Now?" "I think. I pray. I think some more. They are one in the same." "How?" "I don't know." "What does He say?" "Stay." "Why?" "I don't know. It's His favorite response to me these days." "Why?" "I guess because patience is a virtue and if there is only one worth acquiring, maybe this is the only one." "What is patience?" "Waiting." "Waiting?" "Waiting, contentedly." "Maybe He'll respond differently someday?" "Maybe."
I study him. My mind stretches to remember what out other children looked like as babies, without our bundles of photographs, I would scarcely recall. The chemotherapy has spared his beautiful eyebrows and long eyelashes, unlike the tussled mop of stringy hairs that were once a distinguished character trait revealing his free spirit. His thumb protrudes from his mouth, lodged in its familiar home; it hangs there calloused from his long two years of use. (Who would know he would someday need a permanent pacifier?) Were it not for the cancer, his little body would probably be portly, the way a toddler is before he explodes with new growth. The port protrudes from his thinly stretched skin on his chest; it looks strange, abnormal and unwelcome, along with the scar on his abdomen. His tiny legs have extra folds of skin revealing his weight loss. He has only seen two summers in his short lifetime, yet his little feet reveal a tan line between the soft pink skin on the bottom and the rougher tops.
Our eyes have stopped talking and he notices. We play the face game, the singsong mimicking game all our kids have played. He touches my nose, and then touches his.
"Nose." "Nose." "We are the same?" "Yes."
He grasps the tag on his blanket with the four fingers that are unoccupied and caresses the material. He touches my lips, and then touches his. "Mouth." "Mouth."
"You still believe?" I respond, quietly: "I do."
He touches my ear and touches his. "Ear."
"Why?" "Why, what?" "Why do you still believe?" "Because." "Because why?" "I don't know. I just do."
He points to my eye then sticks his finger in the corner of his. "Eye." "See?"
"Is it hard?" "What?" "To believe?" "Yes." "Why?" "I have to become like you." "Like me?" "Like you." "How?" "I don't know." "You don't know a lot." "I know."
He shifts momentarily, signaling an end to our sacred conversation. I panic and pray for just one more minute.
"Maybe someday 'wait' will turn to 'go'?" "Maybe." "When?" "I don't know." "Are you being patient?" "No." "Maybe I should ask mommy these questions. "Probably."
His eyes droop with sleepiness.
"Daddy?" "Yes, baby." "You make me smile."
Danny, you are my smile.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, November 30, 2008 8:41 PM CST
Sorry this is late, but no news is good news! Anabel's appointment went well. Her blood looks great. She has had some pain in her left thigh, I think mostly her joint. Both times this happened she had been either walking a lot or dancing, so I'm thinking it is still her body getting back in shape. I didn't have any tests done, but would covet your prayers. Everything is going well here. Busy as ever. Right now we are all trying to gear up for school tomorrow. Christmas break can't come too soon :)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, November 2, 2008 2:08 PM CST
Josh was able to play his last game, but the other team didn't show up! The boys had a good time playing each other. We are all a little depressed to see it end. He had a great season and we are so proud of him! Check out the new pics! Anabel has an appointment at the clinic on Nov. 25th. It is hard to believe she doesn't have to go except every third month. Please pray for good results.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, October 27, 2008 9:09 AM CDT
My MRI didn't show anything wrong with my neck. Yea! The doc. thinks I just had so much stress for so long, that it will take awhile to relax my muscles. Josh compressed his neck in the last game. His muscles in his neck, shoulder and back are very stiff. We aren't sure he'll get to play his last game. He's not very happy about that. Anabel was in Jennifer Jackson's wedding as a junior bridesmaid. It was a beautiful wedding. We are so happy for Jennifer! Little Anna Salamy was the honorary flower girl. There were dum dums passed out (her favorite sucker) and butterflies everywhere to remember her. It was very sweet. Well, we have to get busy with school.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, October 12, 2008 6:26 PM CDT
Anabel is doing great! Josh made an interception in Friday's game and ran 60 yards! Although a penalty was called, there was one excited mom in the stands! Caleb continues pitching well and playing 1st base. Bobby's grandmother passed away, so we will be attending the funeral Wednesday. I have to have an MRI on my shoulder because it is still pretty tight and they want to make sure I don't have anything torn or something. Jonnie just told Josh to "rock on!" He is getting so big! I will try to post new pictures soon.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, October 5, 2008 10:28 PM CDT
"My heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty. Nor do I involve myself in great matters or in things too difficult for me. I have composed and quieted my soul. As a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child. Oh, hope in the Lord forever and ever." Psalm 131
I was just remembering the sovereignty of God. What a comfort it is to know He has everything under control. We are doing well, keeping busy. Sorry the last pictures were so large, you would think I would learn how to size them properly by now :)
This picture was taken almost exactly 5 years ago while we were in Tennessee waiting for Daniel to be admitted to St. Jude's for testing and stem cell harvest. You can tell from his little bald head how much chemo he had already undergone.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, September 28, 2008 11:47 PM CDT
I just thought I would add some summer pictures.
Most of you already know from Brian's site, but Kelvin Harper passed away a little over a month ago. I should have posted this sooner, for prayer for the family. Selfishly, I just didn't want to go there. He was (is) a precious boy and George and Amanda are close to my heart since we were thrown into this NB world the very same week. Kelvin fought for 5 years. He is a brave warrior, no longer needing to fight. Please pray for them.
"Cpme quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, September 14, 2008 10:04 PM CDT
Thank you for your encouragement on the guestbook. I really, really needed it tonight. This week is turning out to be harder than I thought it would. Daniel's birthday is Thursday, the 18th. I wonder what kind of party he would be wanting. While I was doing lesson plans for this week, I turned to the next hymn that we are going to learn. (Every week, the kids and I learn and sing a different hymn, who wrote it, and the circumstances surrounding it. You should see and hear Jonnie. He sings the loudest!) Anyway, God's timing is perfect. I will be dwelling on this hymn this week to help me through.
"All The Way My Savior Leads Me" by Fanny Crosby
(1) All the way my Savior leads me-
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my guide?
Heavenly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
FOR I KNOW, WHAT-E'ER BEFALL ME,
JESUS DOETH ALL THINGS WELL.
(2) All the way my Savior leads me-
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living bread.
Though my weary steps may falter
And my soul a-thirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! a spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! a spring of joy I see.
(3) All the way my Savior leads me-
O the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father's house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day,
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the day;
THIS IS MY SONG THROUGH ENDLESS AGES;
JESUS LED ME ALL THE DAY.
I've posted pictures of Daniel. Thank you for your continued prayers.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, August 24, 2008 11:02 PM CDT
Rev. 21:4 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passes away." v. 20, 21 "He who testifies to these things says, 'Surely I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen."
After a night of crying, these verses lift me up and give me hope. I cry because Caleb said he wished Jon had been born when he was four or five, then he would have someone to play with. I was thinking, he meant he wished Daniel was here. What a gap between siblings, what a gap in our hearts. I cry because as we took a little 7 year old neighbor of my mom's home, our SUV looked so full, so complete, the right amount of seat belts filled. I really cried after reading the article about Coach Stoops and the angel he is. Remembering Cody Brown, Kourtlyn, Monica, Fletcher, Anna, Noah, Joel, Cameron, Darren, my own sweet Daniel and all the other too numerous children who have gone to heaven. The last half of the year is hard for me. I've realized this pattern over the last three years, going on four. Most of our story with Daniel occurred in the latter half of the year, I guess this is why it is harder. He was diagnosed July, 2003, a very difficult stem cell transplant in Dec. of the same year. In the last part of July 2004 we found out the surgeries, chemo, radiation, and stem cell transplant had not done their job, and not only was the cancer still present in his liver, but it was spreading and growing again while on chemo. Another treatment of chemo, a few last months of clutching every moment as dear and treasured, a last ditch effort of yet another chemo proved to fail, and then his passing on Dec. 18, 2004. I know most of you know all of this so I guess I write just to put clarity in my own head, to remember, to process, to understand my dive downward emotionally. BUT, I remember most importantly that one day I SHALL not mourn, nor cry, nor shall there be death, nor pain. "He WILL wipe EVERY tear from (my) eyes." My hope is in the Lord alone, how could it not be?
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:20 PM CDT
Anabel's dr. visit went well. It was good to see our wonderful nurses and drs as well as Arlene. Her bloodcounts were excellent! I haven't heard any news on the ECHO or x-ray, so I'm sticking with no news is good news. I saw my dr today and was told (again) I need physical therapy for my shoulder. I guess this time I will be a good girl and work it in my schedule ;)
Anabel doesn't go back to the clinic until November! Wow!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, August 7, 2008 11:01 PM CDT
Sorry it has been so long since I posted, but it is wonderful not to have anything urgent to post! We have been very busy having fun this summer. The garden has been going crazy, the kids have been swimming and growing, and we squeezed in a vacation. We rented a car and drove to Hannibal, MO; Mark Twain's hometown. Then we drove to Springfield and went to Abe Lincoln's house and the wonderful museum there. (I can't say enough about it!) We took a train to Chicago and had a wonderful time visiting museums, shopping, and playing on the beach of Lake Michigan. We were too late to get tickets for a Cubs game, but Caleb has forgiven us:) Anabel and I spent a day at the American Girl Store. We had so much fun! After 5 days there (Chicago, not the American Girl Store) we flew home. It has been a whirlwind since we got back, preparing for school and football.
Caleb's baseball team came in 3rd place. He's turned out to be a great pitcher as well as third baseman. Josh started football this week and is loving every minute of it, except for the 100 degrees! We have a new addition since Caleb's birthday, a Cairn Terrier. He is so cute. Anabel thinks Sissy, her dog, may be pregnant and she is delighted. I guess she had a little too much fun while we were gone:0 Jon is now in the big boy bed with Caleb. He is a wild man! Bobby and I are getting more grey. It looks so much better on him! Anyway, thanks for checking in. Anabel goes to the clinic this Tuesday. She will be a year off treatment the 21st!
I'll try and post new pictures and how Anabel's clinic visit goes.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Friday, July 11, 2008 11:41 AM CDT
Anabel is at Camp Cavett this week. My mom and dad, Josh, Jonnie, and I went down yesterday to see her in the American Idol show. We got there in time to watch her hop out of the boat. She had been tubing! She told me today she was going to try the ropes course. She has such a sense of adventure when she is there. She walked around like she owned the place as she and I had dinner together and I watched her get her hair trimmed and styled for the show at the salon. I can't tell you how incredible this camp is. It is not uncommon to see someone dragging an IV pole through the rocky trails, or a very pale, thin, bruised child gleefully splashing in the lake. There are smiles everywhere you look and an unspoken common bond between all. There are no insecurities about how they look or walk or talk. These kids are far too mature for that. They know life is but a breath, they soak up every ounce of sunshine, and are eager to encourage someone or offer help. I almost cried after Anabel sang her song and five little girls jumped up and made a little hugging, jumping circle around her. It was the best concert I've ever seen; so much fun, so much uninhibited joy! Well done, Danny Cavett!
Thank you for those who have prayed for my son's youth pastor. There baby is now with Jesus. Please continue to pray for them as they miss him. They have glorified God through this and have shown Him a loving, sovereign, faithful God.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 11:23 AM CDT
Anabel's appointment went well yesterday. Her blood is completely normal and her chest x-ray was clear. (thank you Pam for the late evening call to set our minds at ease!) It was good to see our nurses and Drs. as well as Tracy one of our favorite nurses who no longer works in the clinic. What a treat! Anabel got to play with her friend Kathryn which was also a treat. Two more months and Anabel will be a year off treatment!
A couple of weeks ago I was having a very hard time missing Daniel. The empty space is always there, there is an inner sorrow that I have grown to accept, (accompanied by joy and hope) it is just part of me and always will be, but sometimes it grows to an almost suffocating monster that I have to deal with. It is one thing to "believe" there is a heaven and God has made a way for us to be there and quite another to have a child there. That is when belief is faith and there is nothing "visible" for you to hold on to. I was pleading with God, to please let me have a dream so I could see Daniel was safe with Him. I just wanted to see him, my mother's heart wanted to "see" he was okay. I flipped to 2 Corinthians 5:8 so I could make sure Daniel was with God, "We are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather TO BE ABSENT FROM THE BODY AND TO BE AT HOME WITH THE LORD." I began to rest a little and then I saw the previous verse, verse 7 "WE WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT." Yes Lord, I trust You, I understand. I would not have that dream, but I do have something visible and tangible. I have the Word of the Living God in my hands and in my heart. The God of creation was talking to me! He calmed my restless sorrow and put it back in that Daniel size spot where it will stay until the resurrection when death is defeated. (1 Cor. 15:50-58)
Thank you for your continued prayers. Please pray for my son's youth pastor and his family. Their 10 week old son was born with many problems and is still fighting for his life. His name is Brayden.
I added pictures of the boys.
"come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, May 11, 2008 11:37 PM CDT
I Cor. 15: 19 If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.
20 But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.
Thank you God for the gospel. Thank you for saving us. Thank you for the resurrection.
Bobby and I have had a hard week. We found ourselves ambushed with emotion each at different times. He was in New York City and was just a few blocks from where we stayed when we went with Daniel. He called to tell me. I was sad he was all alone so far away. I took Anabel to have her bone density test, not realizing it was in the same area that Daniel had his ears tested 4 years ago. It is the strangest sort of sensation, a memory that at first is welcome because everything around you is bringing you closer to a moment in time connected to someone you desperately want to see. There were the toys he played with, the brothers and sisters he couldn't wait to get back to, the tan walls and waiting room chairs, the long walkway he ran down giggling so carefree, BUT there was no Daniel, only a quick grasp of my locket and tears flooding my eyes. The kids have gotten used to the heavy sighing, blinking away the tears, and the momentary silence that has accosted their mother. Would I rather not have these memories? No, I cherish them, I need them. I am forced to recall verses like that above that remind me of my future, my hope.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"
p.s. I haven't got the results from the bone density test. Anabel's chemistries and x-ray were normal!
Thursday, April 24, 2008 10:27 PM CDT
Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
What a wonderful verse, what a WONDERFUL God.
Anabel's checkup went well last week. Her counts are normal! I haven't called back to check on her chest x-ray or blood chemistry (I just heard the gasp from all the other cancer moms out there). It is not that I care-trust me I've thought about it often. I guess I was a little scared at first and now that I haven't heard anything, I'm thinking no news is good news, so I'm not really scared anymore. I'll call tomorrow. Anabel is 8 months off therapy. April 1st was the day she was diagnosed, three years ago. March 19th marked the date Daniel has been away from us for longer than he was with us. That is inconceivable. He is such a part of me and forever will be. Thank God someday we will not be bound by time, nor have the sting of separation. Anabel will go back to the clinic in June for another check up, x-ray, CBC, and they will do a test on her bones to see how strong they are after all of the Prednisone she had to take.
Please continue to pray for Lane's mama, Gena.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Tuesday, April 15, 2008 8:51 PM CDT
Little Lane Monday went to heaven Sunday. His funeral was today. Please keep praying for his precious mom and family.
Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
"COME QUICKLY, LORD JESUS!" Audra
Tuesday, April 8, 2008 11:16 PM CDT
We have been so wonderfully busy! The garden is being planted, the boys are full "swing" into baseball (pun intended), and we had a fun trip with friends to Silver Dollar City. Anabel is doing great, more active all the time. She had another red, puffy day after being in the sun-even with sunscreen-so I'm not sure what that is about, but all in all doing well. She goes to the clinic next week, the 17th. It has been amazing that it has been almost 2 months and we haven't been to the hospital. Thank you God, thank you!
I've put a couple of pictures from SDC.
Please keep earnestly praying for Lane and his mom, Gena; Emory and his family; and Karina.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, March 19, 2008 9:15 AM CDT
Anabel is still doing well although there have been a few things that have made me worry. She was in the sun last Friday and developed a rash on her face and arms. The next morning her face was swollen, her eye swollen shut. It is better now...the redness gone and the swelling gone. I'm not sure if it is a photosensitivity issue, an allergy, or just a bad sunburn because her absentminded mother forgot to make her put sunscreen on. Swelling of the face can be a sign of relapse, but since it was accompanied by redness and is now gone I'm not worrying too much about it. She has complained of her chest hurting a couple of times though. I definitely have a struggle not worrying about tomorrow. I have Spring fever and can't wait to get out to my garden or go out of town. I just looked at a wonderful deal from Disney....hmmmmm.
Please keep praying for Lane and his sweet mom, Gena. caringbridge.org/visit/lanemonday He is in a lot of pain and having to increase medication everyday. I can't express the depth of sorrow that is accompanied with seeing your child suffer, I can't express the weight of having no control. Praise God we have a hope of freedom from sin and suffering. Praise God for heaven and the precious gift of Jesus. Remember this as Easter is upon us. Every day is a gift, before and even after the death of a child. 1 Peter 1 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, March 1, 2008 9:29 PM CST
The art show was great. We all had a good time. Anabel was fun to watch. She glowed as she told people about her picture and she giggled when others tried to outbid her daddy. If you would like to order cars, mugs, prints, tiles with Anabel's or the other kids' artwork, go to kidsartetc.com We saw so many sweet nurses and friends. It was a sad evening as well... so much pain bound up in pretty pictures. We saw Mitchell's family and Anna's family. I wish I could bring comfort.
Anabel did great on channel 9. She is so poised and mature, not nervous at all. She is determined to have everyone know Daniel.
Caleb started a baseball tournament today. He did great pitching and made a few outs, catching a fly ball too. He is really nervous up to bat. It is hard when another 9 year old is throwing a ball at you as hard and fast as he can.
I'm exhausted, but a normal exhausted...please pray for our friends who are battling and are truly exhausted.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, February 25, 2008 9:29 PM CST
Anabel will be on news 9 with her friend Kathryn for Art With A Heart tomorrow. I think it will be somewhere from 4 to 6:30?
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, February 23, 2008 11:20 AM CST
We did not go to the clinic Thursday for Anabel's neuro-psych testing. I was afraid the roads would become icy...I misjudged that one. This is the third time we've missed this appointment. I'm sure they are a little put out with the Lehews. Anabel is doing well. She continues to act a little "ditzy" sometimes (I say that with love), but maybe that is partly due to her age. She is a treasure and a delight. (I am pretty ditzy MOST of the time!)
Caleb has realized Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. We are looking forward to his baptism. Josh is at a church function all weekend. I am hoping his heart is softened. He is still very angry at God. Last night, I lifted Jonnie by his arm, a thing I have done with all five of my kids, and he immediately let out a cry and continued crying and holding his arm. He couldn't move it and held it to his chest. I took him to an after hours clinic and after some painful manipulation and an x-ray, the dr said I probably pulled his elbow out of joint, but he thought he put it back in. He sent us home with a sling and after he favored his arm for awhile, he was playing like usual. I felt TERRIBLE!
I am very saddened to say that our sweet friend Emory has relapsed again. I know this is a heartache for this sweet family. Please pray for them. They are doing chemo in Houston. Laura is such a strong, upbeat mom and Emory is one of a kind..so funny and intelligent.
Another reason, along with precious Lane and Anna's family, I cry out... "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, February 14, 2008 4:10 PM CST
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Phil. 1:6
My friend encouraged me with this verse this week, replacing Daniel's name with the pronoun, you. How true it is! God has continued to use Daniel's little life to influence, encourage, and minister to others. Just today the kids and I went to an assembly at Piedmont's Junior High. They have raised nearly $10,000 in memory of Daniel for St. Jude's Hospital. They asked me to say a few words, what a joy to thank them for remembering Daniel and donating to cancer research. The high school has an annual D.U.C.K. week and they are going to raise funds for a 6 year old that has been diagnosed with cancer. In 2004, they raised money for Daniel's Make A Wish trip. Way to go Piedmont School System! Other than this and Anabel's recent article in the paper, we have two friends that we've met entirely through Daniel's sickness who have started helping other children with cancer. Mr Tim and his wife Gwyn help at St. Jude's and Mr. Joe has started a duck hunt for kids with cancer all because of Daniel. I pray many lives will be brought to God's saving grace through Daniel's life and these ministries..and to know the work God has begun in Daniel will not be completed until the day of Jesus Christ!
Anabel did not have her Neuro Psych testing as planned due to the weather, but she will have it next week. Tomorrow she goes to the clinic for a finger stick and check up. She is doing well. Thank you for your continued prayers. Please pray for our little friend Lane. He is having lots of pain in his legs due to Neuroblastoma.
"I want you to know brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel..." Phil. 1:12
Waiting to see my Daniel again... "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, January 30, 2008 4:26 PM CST
Anabel is going to the clinic tomorrow (weather permitting) to have testing done on her cognitive skills. I have been worried about her recalling information. She seems to struggle a little more in school and her short term memory seems to be affected. This is regular testing after the treatment and I will be glad for their input. She will also be in the newspaper on Friday. They are doing a story on her painting for the art show, Feb. 29th. I have read the article and am very pleased with how well they honored her and Daniel. We are doing well. We had a bout with the stomach bug, but seem to have all recovered.
I have been praying for our family and our relationships with each other and with God. They have all been tried and we have had "issues" we need to deal with. Reading the Word, I was comforted by a promise from God. Joel 2:25 "I will restore to you the years the locust has eaten." I'm trusting, watching, and expecting this restoration.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, January 16, 2008 10:32 PM CST
It has been awhile since I updated last. Sorry. No news is good news though and I hope to not be updating very often! We had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Bobby and I went to Orlando the first week of January and had a wonderful time at Epcot, MGM, and just doing grown up things. I got to go to a spa. It was so relaxing. We were glad to get back to our sweet kids though. Anabel had her appointment yesterday and everything, bloodwork and x-ray, looked great. She complained to the PA that she hadn't lost any weight, but she and I started karate and hopefully this will help that and help strengthen her muscles. I can tell she has lost some and she has gotten taller so I know it will all even out. It just takes time. She has painted another beautiful picture for the art show. It is similar to the one she did before with the tree. This one is in the Fall and has a silouhette of an angel and Daniel holding his tag. I cried when I saw it. She is a special girl. Please pray for Bobby's aunt. Her cancer has returned and is not operable. This is a very scary time for her and her family. Sorry to seem so rushed. Papers need to be graded, bills paid, but my bed is calling my name!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 10:43 PM CST
Isaiah 42:3 "A bruised reed he will not break..." I have been to the point of breaking. My face has been pressed to the ground. I have questioned whether this verse was true and I have found Him faithful. I do not understand, nor do I welcome seeing my children suffer, but He was with me even when I didn't feel Him.
My family has just gone home after watching video of Daniel and eating Okarche's famous cinnamon rolls. Maybe next year we'll make it to see the Kinfisher lights. We had a full day today. Anabel's appointment was today and went well. Her counts are NORMAL! The OU football players were there today and precious Coach Stoops. It was good to see so many of our friends too. Poor Brian's stomach was upset though. What a trooper he is, as is mom. They have been fighting for close to six years now. We had a special treat and were taken to Nonna's for lunch. While we were there someone else paid the bill! Blessings were just being poured out from everywhere.
The video we watched tonight was priceless. I cherish any we find that we haven't seen before. It is like seeing Daniel again in a way. If anyone has any pictures of him that I have never seen, I would love if you could make a copy and send them to me. I love hearing his voice again and seeing his mannerisms. We were able to laugh out loud some. We still cried. It still hurts so much. In three months he will have been gone from us longer than he was with us. What a powerful thing a love for your child is. Only 3 years and 3 months on this earth and Daniel changed our lives forever. I wil not be whole again until I am with him in heaven. How much more does God love His children? He is Love. I am comforted by that thought.
Romans 5 6 "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."
Monday, December 10, 2007 10:36 PM CST
Daniel James Lehew September 18, 2001-December 18, 2004
He was the music of our home, A day that knew no night. The fragrance of our garden bower A thing all smiles and light.
Above the couch we bent and prayed In the half-lighted room, As the bright hues of infant life Sank slowly into gloom.
The form remained; but there was now No soul our love to share; Farewell, with weeping hearts, we said, Child of our love and care.
But years are moving quickly past, And time will soon be o'er; Death shall be swallowed into life On the immortal shore.
Then shall we clasp that hand once more, And smooth that golden hair; Then shall we kiss those lips again, When we shall meet him there.
- Horatio Bonar (1875)
Sunday, December 2, 2007 9:55 PM CST
Everything is going well. We put up our trees. One is full of ornaments we have collected for the kids over the years the other is Daniel's special tree with his ornaments and Disney ornaments. It is hard for me to put up the trees- so many tough memories. We all love spending time looking at Daniel's tree, though. Our life experiences have forced us to look at Christmas through the purpose it was intended for. It points us to Jesus, our only hope and source of true joy.
"Do you not know, have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutible. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might, He increases power." Isaiah 40:28-29
Josh had his party this past weekend. We spent a small fortune feeding 13 big boys, but it was worth it. He had a great time. It was very comical to see them all sprawled out across my living room the next morning.
Anabel wil be 11 in a week and she is looking forward to her quaint and quieter party. She entered an art contest through the Oklahoma History Museum. She won 2nd place in the 9-12 year old category. You can go to this website to see her picture. http://www.ok-history.mus.ok.us/
We wish everyone a blessed and Christ filled Christmas season. "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, November 24, 2007 6:27 PM CST
"For I consider that the suffering of this present time is not worth comparing to the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
He says it, so it has to be true.
"But for you who fear my name, the Son of Righteousness will rise with healing in His wings. And you will go FREE, LEAPING WITH JOY like calves let out to pasture." Malachi 4:2
Please pray for Anna's family. She has gone to be with Jesus. Please pray for them all.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, November 17, 2007 11:18 PM CST
I've put this song on here before, but I like it. I can't remember who it is by and it is too late to find out.
"Singing the song of the midwestern prairie telling the tale of a tiny child's prayer The words are like water to my thirsty heart giving me hope when I've run out of my faith.
We've been the beggars who ride wishes horses living like dreamers, I won't deny. All of our dreaming was only a moment, but we'll be together again.
You're standing beside me, laughing out loud I'm standing beside you, with a laugh and a prayer You're standing beside me, arms stretching wide Singing your freedom, we'll be together again.
All of life's treasures and all of life's trials are all in the moments of living each day TOMORROW IS COMING, LIFE'S JUST A BREATH AND WE'LL BE TOGETHER, WE'LL BE TOGETHER WE'LL BE TOGETHER, AGAIN!"
I love this version of Hebrew 11:1 that Anna's mom put up last week. "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see."
Bobby and I have been sad lately. I know this time of year will always be bittersweet to us. It is FULL of celebrations, not just Thanksgiving and Christmas, but Josh and Anabel's birthdays too. So many emotions come at us from every angle. I was crying realizing Josh would be 16 in a couple of years, then thankful tears that Anabel is turning 11. I am so thankful for my family and friends and especially for the hope we have in Christ. Then I have this ever persistent ache and Daniel sized hole in my heart. We drove out to the Kingfisher pool for a party tonight, it is right beside the park where they have the lights that we looked at a week before Daniel died. It was the last good day he had. I cried on the way there. We hadn't been that way since. Places and times make memories so vivid for me. Jonnie is saying "was dat?" just the way Daniel did, with his eyebrows raised and mouth in a little o. Needless to say, we miss him so much. I'm holding on to Hebrews 11:1.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, November 11, 2007 9:49 PM CST
We are trying to get a family photo. We were exhausted after this round, but I'm afraid we will have to try again.
Tuesday after coop I surprised the kids with a trip to Silver Dollar City thanks to our Give Kids the World passport. They had no idea- it was great! My mom and dad went with us since Bobby was on a business trip. When we were roaming the predominately white haired population and riding roller coasters over and over with no wait, Anabel yelled, "I LOVE being homeschooled!" Don't worry, I quizzed her on her capitals, a little Latin, and some math facts on the drive home.
We were on the radio Friday for the Children's Miracle Network. We both were crying and I was worried it was not a good idea to put her through it, but my hope is to help increase awareness and build up our hospital so other kids can get treatment here and not have to leave home during such a hard time. More money means more chairs, more chairs means more excellent doctors, more excellent doctors means more recognition as a great hospital that insurance companies won't balk at using (the reason we had to go to St. Jude's with Daniel).
Josh just walked in carrying a 1 cm. sliver of pumpkin skin which has been lodged under his fingernail for a week. Yes, pumpkin skin. This was what was left after he pulled the chunk of pumpkin out last weekend. He and a friend were "tossing" a small pumpkin to each other and it hit his finger just right so that it went completely under his fingernail all the way to the nail bed. It bled quite a bit and hurt like crazy. I cleaned it as best as I could, but could tell there was still some under the nail. My brother in law drilled a hole in his nail to let some of the pressure off (yikes!). After two days it started oozing puss, so we went to the doctor, who burned a hole in the nail and drained it. Josh never flinched. He's on antibiotics and is doing fine. Never a dull moment at the Lehew house!
Yes, Lydia those are real curls! We had his hair trimmed though. To my delight, the curls are still there. It was a very hard decision to have it cut, but since I couldn't pull them up in a bow, it was time. I'll post a picture of the big boy soon.
Anabel's next clinic visit is the 20th.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, November 1, 2007 10:01 PM CDT
Something I don't do often is take Daniel off the front page, but I thought you all would enjoy these pictures...and he is in the background on the mantle.
We haven't been a trick or treat family, but this year we went all out. Jon was Donald Duck, Caleb was Jack Sparrow, Anabel was Elizabeth Swan as the pirate queen, and Josh was a heavy metal rock star. I told him this was the only time I wanted to see him with finger nail polish, green hair, and a lip ring! Anabel went with her sweet friend Kathryn and the rest of us went with our good friends. The kids had a ball! It was a great evening. The down side, Jon woke up in the middle of the night throwing up; too many dum dums! He was fine today.
Tonight was Josh's football banquet. I am so thankful for his team. The boys are great and the coaches incredible. They really expect a lot of the boys, but without destroying character. In fact they help build it and recognize it. I am thankful for their leadership in my son's life. The Junior High Patriots were undefeated this year! Josh, who is a linebacker and left guard, actually got to carry the ball a few yards the last couple of games, pretty exciting! He was recognized by the coaches as having the character quality of determination. One of the coaches mentioned from the stage how fun it was to watch him play football. I agree.
Anabel's appointment went well. She is having a few aches now and then, but I'm trusting that is just due to the high doses of steroids she was taking and the new found energy that keeps her working muscles not used often. Her eyes are bright with joy.
I have posted new pictures. Check back when they're smaller :)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, October 24, 2007 0:10 AM CDT
Anabel is doing well. She recovered from bronchitas last week, but decided to share and gave it to me. At least I think that is what I have. Jon had a stomach bug this past Sunday, I hope he doesn't share too! Anyway, things are pretty "normal" at the Lehew house. Praise God for that feeling you have when the most exciting thing you did that day was getting the mail. Isn't mundane life wonderful?! I remind myself when I am doing twenty loads of laundry of the days in the hospital when I was wishing I was just at home doing twenty loads of laundry. Cherish the spattered grape juice on the kitchen cabinets and the muddy fingerprints on the walls, the dirty socks that could stand by themselves and the tiny toys that your feet seem to always find in the middle of the night :) Anabel goes to the clinic Thursday afternoon for bloodwork. We appreciate your prayers. Her face is finally looking much better. Josh has his last football game Saturday night. Caleb will finish fall ball next week. Jonnie's curls look like they may be growing out. It is straight on top and the ringlets are falling into his eyes and framing his sweet little cherub face. I'll try to post new pics soon.
"For I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." 2 Timothy 1:8-12
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Friday, October 5, 2007 11:28 PM CDT
For I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." 2 Timothy 1:8-12
All is well. This time of year has always been a delight to me. The crispness of the air, the smells of Autumn, and the rustle of the leaves all bring memories and anticipation of pumpkins, hot chocolate, bon fires, roasted marshmallows, and the holidays. Now however, since Daniel's passing, the same wonderful things bring saddness-or maybe this year a settled meloncholy. It all brings memories of starting chemo again, a persistent disease, another chemo, and a harsh reality. This time in 2004 was not only our hardest, but one of the most cherished. We slowed down (more), we relished life, we loved our kids (more purposely) and took it all in. We ran through the pumpkin patch, we took a spur of the moment trip, we ate our "ice kipsies" and talked of camping with clowns. We saw Santa and sang to the top of our lungs "Jingle Bells", not caring who heard us. We did magic tricks and told the same joke over and over and over again. We stuffed ourselves on cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate and kept making the little Santa sing over and over until the waitress got grumpy. I am sad, but I am joyful. Only the Word can say it best.
7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Corinthians 4:8
Please remember to pray for Xander, Anna, and Mitchell's family. (www.caringbridge.org/ok/xander, www.caringbridge.org/ok/annajane,www.gomitchgo.com)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, September 30, 2007 2:12 PM CDT
"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, or of me His prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of His own purpose and grace, which He gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Saviour Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. For I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." 2 Timothy 1:8-12
Anabel's appointment Tuesday went well. Since we arrived at 3:00 we didn't expect to see anyone, but the wonderful art ladies were there as was the OSU Basketball team! They were so sweet to the kids. Caleb went with us and since he is an OSU fan, he was in Cowboy heaven. He got Pistol Pete's and the team's autographs. I don't know if there was any television coverage of the event, but if you saw the coach speaking on air, off to the side was a very patient 9 year old waiting to get his autograph as well. Anabel looked great except for the rash on her face. This is most likely caused from her body reacting to NOT being on the 6-MP and the scrubs and lotions her mommy (woops) was making her use. Her face is much, much better today. I still haven't heard about the x-ray, but I'm trusting that no news is good news. We do not have to be in the clinic until the end of October! Wow! We are keeping very busy with school, baseball and football. Caleb did not pitch as well last week. He was acting VERY "confident" before the game and during it, he and the catcher were using signals and huddling together like they were in the major leagues or something. It was pretty cute, except the pitching part. Luckily we have a depth of pitching on our team and he was replaced. I told him this was a hard life lesson to learn- humility. Josh's team beat their toughest apponent. He had many tackles. He is not looking forward to the end of season.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, September 23, 2007 11:33 PM CDT
We had a wonderful day yesterday. We celebrated Anabel's end of treatment with a carnival style party. She had a great time as did her brothers and hopefully all who attended. Thank you to all who helped make it a memorable day. The dunk tank was a hit. The line to be dunked was as long as the line to throw balls! Anabel will have bloodwork and an x-ray Tuesday. I can't believe it has been a month since her last visit. We will continue to cherish everyday knowing how fragile life can be, yet we also rest in the truth that nothing can come to us unless first passing throught the Father. Before Daniel ever got sick I often told the kids that I wanted them to always remember that God loved them and He could be trusted, no matter what happened. I never knew how much that faith would be tested. I continue to pray for them to believe it. As we celebrated, I kept thinking of some of our friends from the clinic who are struggling. Brian is struggling for answers and Xander is beginning to struggle again. Anna is struggling for strength and Mitchell is struggling for life. My heart hurts for them all, fully knowing the things they are going through. It is a terrible thing to see your child suffering. Yet we have hope.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18 Oh, but how it still hurts.
"Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:29
God help these precious people. Carry them through, give them rest, strength, grace, and peace that can't be understood. Give them wisdom and assurance. Give them precious time and moments of complete beauty with their child. Guard their faith and increase their love for You. And..."Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Amen.
Sunday, September 16, 2007 1:32 AM CDT
Daniel's birthday is Tuesday the 18th. I am feeling kind of down, just missing him and wondering what he would look like as a six year old. There are so many things I want to get done. His memory album, I'm up to the day he was diagnosed, and I would like to make a quilt out of his clothes. Sometimes I think I should let Jonnie wear them since he is about the same size as Daniel since Daniel never got passed 30 pounds, but I just can't. I am feeling really bad about his birthday. The kids and I have a full day at coop and Josh has an important football practice since their toughest game is this weekend. I want to just say no to everything and stop for the day, but then I think that would not be good for the kids. Their lives are going on, as they should, and that doesn't show a lack of love for Daniel. I on the other hand, feel like if I don't stop and pull back I will fall apart. Actually, I will fall apart regardless, but I really don't want to do that in front of the entire coop. We will celebrate tomorrow with my family and have party cake and video of him, but the 18th is his day. I think I will take that day for myself. Sorry sometimes this blog becomes me talking to myself.
Anabel is doing well. It has been a week passed the time she would have started Prednisone, almost a month since her last chemo. That hasn't been a lot of time to notice much change physically, but emotionally she is so much more vibrant. She is dancing and laughing more and is down right giddy. She has also been very ornery. It is good to see such spunk and sparkle coming back into her life. The last steri strip is hanging on to her incision, but she is not sore anymore.
Josh was slightly injured in last weeks game. He sprained his ankle and was "speared" in the stomach by someone's helmet. In spite of that he is having a wonderful time. Caleb is getting into kid pitch. He is quite the little pitcher and third baseman, just a natural. Jonnie is a child prodigy on the drums. I wish I knew how to put video on here. You would see what I mean. He can really play the drums, keeping a beat and everything! It is quite amusing.
Here is the chorus of a song by Michael Card. I am taking it out of context, but the chorus applies to my thoughts for Daniel. (the whole song applies to all of my children -you ought to check it out)
Sunrise of Your Smile Michael Card
For I would wander weary miles and welcome ridicule, my child to simply see the sunrise of your smile to see the light behind your eyes the happy thought that makes you fly yes, I would wander weary miles to simply see the sunrise of your smile.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, September 5, 2007 4:25 PM CDT
Anabel's port is out! She did well. I think knowing she was getting an IV and not being surprised by it helped. She is feeling pretty well just a little sore. I, on the other hand am sick. It was as if my body said, okay Anabel is fine, you can get sick. I literally started to go down hill as soon as Dr. Puffenbarger came out to talk to us after the surgery. She is our favorite surgeon, maybe our only favorite :) I remember almost 2 1/2 years ago her putting the port in and telling us she was looking forward to the day she would take it out. Praise God that day has come! If anyone knows of a bouncy house or slide rental place that has good deals, could you send me their information? We are still planning that party!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Friday, August 31, 2007 12:41 AM CDT
Anabel is glowing. She has a smile that won't go away (except when she is doing Latin!). She will have her port taken out next Wednesday. I forgot to mention the Oklahoma Veterinary Medical Association and the State of Oklahoma Board of Veterinary Medical Examiners both recognized August 28, 2007 as Anabel Lehew day. She got a framed certficate from each!
A sweet friend from the clinic whose daughter also fought and beat Lymphoma left me a sweet message on the guestbook. She suggested Anabel emphasize her name in a new way. AnaBELL GRACE. I agree.
We are so thankful for God extending His grace to include Anabel's healing. We are anticipating good results (Lord willing) on the tests to come.
"But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." i Corinthians 15:57-58
We are awaiting the day when death is thrown into the lake of fire and will be no more! Revelations 20:14
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 10:40 PM CDT
We had a wonderful time yesterday. Kay, Arlene, Donna, Jennifer x 3, and so many of our friends made it so special. There was a dog party, of course. The kids got to make hats with dog ears and eyes. There was cake and "puppy chow" served in dog bowls. Anabel had a great time. My family and several friends came to watch her ring the bell. She also gave it a ring for Daniel. I have been on the other side of seeing children ring the bell with the terrible knot in my stomach that my child would never get to ring it. I appreciate the strong moms who stood by us whose child's bell ringing is down the road awhile or for those who like Daniel will be ringing the sweetest of bells in heaven. Donna and I laughed through tears at my "stupid bell" comment I had made several months ago. I'm glad she understands.
After the excitement at the clinic, Anabel and I took her clinic friend to Build A Bear and out to eat. She kept saying this is the best day ever. Today I started to cry when putting the beautiful shadow box a friend gave us up. Anabel asked what was wrong and I told her I was just very happy.
While at the clinic, Dr. Meyer confirmed that all the tests were clear. These are tests that you will be pleased to see your child's scores as unremarkable :) He said the tube running from her port is headed the wrong direction now. There is no telling just how long this has been the case and it is no reason for emergency surgery, but it will be taken out next week on Wednesday. This is a lot sooner than most off treatment kids have their's removed but we aren't planning on needing it anymore. She will visit the clinic once a month for a year, then evry 3 months the following year, every 6 after that, and then yearly until 10 years post remission. I will update after our visits to the clinic. Thank you for your prayers and for many of you what has been a long journey with us.
We are in party planning mode now.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, August 27, 2007 4:10 PM CDT
We have an unofficial word that the biopsy is clear. Yeah!!! Anabel will see the Dr. tomorrow and ring the bell. Wednesday, Bobby will be on KTOK at 5:30 with the Children's Miracle Network radioathon. I was touched to see Paula Deen highlight Cure Search National Childhood Cancer Foundation in her magazine, "Cooking With Paula Deen" 9/10 2007. Here is some info I copied from another website about childhood cancer, particularly Neuroblastoma. We need to get the word out.
SOME FACTS ABOUT PEDIATRIC CANCER:
Childhood cancer is the number one disease killer in children.
Neuroblastoma is the most common cancer in infancy.
Neuroblastoma is the most common extra cranial solid tumor cancer in children.
Every 16 hours a child with neuroblastoma dies.
There is no known cure for neuroblastoma.
Nearly 70% of those children first diagnosed, have disease that has already metastasized or spread to other parts of the body. When disease has spread at diagnosis and a child is over the age of 2 there is less than a 30% chance of survival.
Childhood cancer is the leading cause of death by disease in the US and it kills more children per year than cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy, asthma and AIDS combined.
There are 15 children diagnosed with cancer for every one child diagnosed with pediatric AIDS. Yet, the U.S. invests approximately $595,000 for research per victim of pediatric AIDS and only $20,000 for each victim of childhood cancer.
The National Cancer Institute's (NCI) federal budget was $4.6 billion. Of that, breast cancer received 12%, prostate cancer received 7%, and all 12 major groups of pediatric cancers combined received less than 3%.
I will post pictures from the bell ringing soon. Rejoice with us as the bell rings!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Friday, August 24, 2007 10:54 PM CDT
Sorry to not update until now. We've been at Josh's game and got the results via cell phone. The spinal fluid and bone marrow aspirate are clear. The bone marrow biopsy will not be back until Monday. We are anticipating good results since the aspirate was clear, but we will not rest completely until we hear for sure. She is still kind of sore, but in good spirits. Josh did great at his game. He recovered two fumbles and got three tackles. They won.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Friday, August 24, 2007 12:39 AM CDT
I am ashamed to have complained so much. I have much to be thankful for. This a song I love to hear on the radio and one that Anna's mom shared on her site. Sorry to copy, but it is worth reading twice. Please pray for Anna and her family. I don't have the results yet, but I will post them as soon as I do.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death Your perfect love is casting out fear And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life I won’t turn back I know You are near
And I will fear no evil For my God is with me And if my God is with me Whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?
Chorus: Oh no, You never let go Through the calm and through the storm Oh no, You never let go In every high and every low Oh no, You never let go Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on A glorious light beyond all compare And there will be an end to these troubles But until that day comes We’ll live to know You here on the earth
(You Never Let Go, Redman)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, August 23, 2007 3:22 PM CDT
Anabel's cat scans and x-rays were clear! She had the LP, bone marrow aspirate and biopsy today. We had a few hurdles; one being she had to have an IV even though her port was accessed. Fortunately they did it after she was asleep with the gas. It wasn't working well apparently. She let everyone in the recovery room and probably all the surrounding rooms and offices know how stupid it was to give her an IV. "I told you I didn't want an IV. Why do you think we went to the clinic and got my port accessed yesterday. You are soooo stupid. Stupid IV!" and so on and so forth. She didn't wake up well so I wander if they didn't slip her something else or maybe it was the anxiety over the IV. She is very sore too. The bone marrow test were done from the front instead of the back and she seems to hurt more. They had to do the front since she was intubated (sp?) so they couldn't put her on her tummy. Intubation,poking her front, the IV, the loud and unfamiliar recovery room, the fact that mom and dad couldn't be with her (give me a few more minutes and I'll think of more reasons to complain...) could have all been eliminated if the anesthesiologist would have just come to the clinic. I said my "peace" to whoever was listening in the recovery room when I requested all anesthesiologists to come and sit with her while she went through her tyrade. I wonder where Anabel gets it? Seriously though. I shouldn't complain. The Dr. did what he thought best with the IV. She didn't feel any of the procedures, she's home now and resting. Now that my emotions have come down and I no longer want to force sleepy Drs. to sit and watch my child scream, I can say I am thankful. I wish I had enough money to hire an anesthesiologist just for the clinic. How nice would that be? Just to be fair...it wasn't just the sleepy Drs. she was ranting about. She took a couple of swings at me about Latin. That is her least favorite subject! There was no "amo" (I love) going on today! We should have the results tomorrow afternoon. I'll let you all know. Josh has his first football game tomorrow night. Their quarterback broke his arm! I told Josh that I couldn't take the worry and he would have to quit. (kidding, sort of) His eyes got big and he said, "No way!" He's having a blast playing. Caleb and Jonnie have been wrestling. Jonnie thinks he is as big as Caleb and will try to do anything his big brother does. If you know Caleb, that is a scary thought! Caleb changed Jonnie's diaper for Bobby. He said they both giggled through it. I'm supposed to be taking a nap...husbands orders. I haven't been sleeping well, but naps just aren't part of my DNA.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, August 20, 2007 6:55 PM CDT
Anabel had the cat scan, x-ray, and Methotrexate injection today. She will not have the LP and bone marrow until Thursday. She will have it at the hospital so she can get Propophol. This is a great relief. She will see her Dr. next Tuesday and Lord willing ring that bell! Come one, come all! Today was long and I think my emotions are getting the better of me. I told my mom as we were leaving the clinic that I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I can't think, I'm shaking, and every little thing is overwhelming me. BUT everything is going well. Whatever! Thanks for your prayers and we'd appreciate them to continue.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, August 18, 2007 1:45 PM CDT
Anabel is getting a cat scan Monday. She will be just off Prednisone and not a happy camper. Tuesday she will have the other tests. She has had a rough time again with the medicine. Even High School Musical 2 didn't put a smile on her face :( We are thankful this is the last week of Prednisone. That makes my mood better, but I'm not on a huge dose of the steroid like her.
We would appreciate your prayers as Anabel goes through all these tests. She will probably get an IV Monday for the cat scan, which she hates. They have also let me know they no longer can have the anesthesiologist come to the clinic to completely sedate the kids. This means she would only get conscious sedation. (Demerol, Versed) We have done this before, but she moans throughout the procedure and even responds to the pain some. She doesn't remember it, thankfully, but it is harder to hold her and to witness. She also doesn't respond well when coming out of it. She is very weepy and angry and takes a lot longer for her to wake up. We are extremely disappointed because when they have been able to put her totally out for her previous spinals, she did wonderfully and woke up easier. This time they are adding the bone marrow test which is much like ramming a car antennae through the back of your pelvis. We have the choice of admitting her and doing it through the hospital so they can use general sedation. It is CRAZY! We have used general sedation for the last five spinals. Our sweet nurses have tried and tried to get this done in clinic, but to no avail. Please pray for us as we decide if we do in clinic with conscious sedation or be admitted (urggg) for general sedation. Anabel doesn't know any of this at this point. She would be very upset to know she may have to be admitted.
We are very excited about this week although nervous and dissapointed as well. Yippeeeeee!
Here is an old spiritual song I hear Anabel singing from time to time: "When death has come and taken our loved ones Leaving our homes so lonely and drear Then do we wonder how others prosper Living so wicked year after year
Farther along we'll know more about it Farther along we'll understand why Cheer up my brother live in the sunshine We'll understand it all by and by"
Then I sing: "In the sweet by and by. We will meet on that beautiful shore. In the sweet by and by. We will meet on that beautiful shore."
"come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, August 15, 2007 7:18 PM CDT
Anabel read this in her devotional Monday: "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-8 Amen and amen!
It has been a mixed bag of emotions this week as we started school. I go from excitement to fear and dread as I imagine chasing a toddler while teaching an 8th, 5th, and 3rd grader. Then I am thankful I'm chasing a toddler, then I am sad I'm not teaching a Kindergartener too. Daniel would have started school this year. I like to start later than earlier, especially with boys. He would be turning 6 in September. He would be learning to read. He'd have his own pencils and crayons. I've cried a lot this week. Josh is busy with football. It looks like he will play guard again and linebacker too. Caleb has started fall baseball. He is trying his hand at pitcher. Anabel started Prednisone today. She had a great time at camp and even sang at the dance. She received the Most Spirit award and I heard over and over again how sweet she is.
Exciting news! Anabel will have her testing done next week along with her last Methotrexate shot. If the tests all come back clear (Lord willing) she will ring the bell! I thought it would be still at least two weeks away. Dr. McNall and I almost cried at the thought of it being over. They are thinking next Tuesday, but I don't have any final times yet. She will be sedated for an LP and bone marrow biopsy, she will have a chest x-ray, bloodwork, and possibly a cat scan. It will be a busy, but exciting day. I will post the day when I know for sure. I will probably bring a cake. We are also thinking a BIG party is in order. Anabel is thinking carnival style with a dunk tank. I wonder who she wants to dunk first? :)
On a much sadder note: A sweet warrior with Neuroblastoma went to heaven last weekend, another little girl relapsed with it, and a sweet friend we met when Daniel was diagnosed has received news that there is nothing else for her to do. Anabel had played with this little girl many times at the clinic. Please pray for these families and for all our little friends who have battled for so long. Brian was diagnosed a year or so before Daniel and is still on treatment. Kelvin diagnosed the same week still has a spot he is fighting, our friend Emory, and others have had this way of life for 4 years and beyond. They are the most joyful kids I've ever met and live life to its fullest. I am proud to know them and their families. Please remember Anna and Karina too.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Tuesday, August 7, 2007 3:10 PM CDT
New pictures! (I'll have Bobby shrink them) Anabel's clinic visit went well. She got her shot and will start 6-MP. She will start Prednisone and Vincristine next week. She had a friend go to clinic with her and Katherine was there. They had fun together with the art ladies. Anabel wouldn't leave until Katherine was finished! She also sang for the art room, she is such a confident young lady. She is excited for camp this weekend...I'm nervous :) Jonnie clapped and danced. He kept dancing for Anna Jane, boys are such show offs!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, August 5, 2007 4:28 PM CDT
I was encouraged and inspired by the Word today. 2 Samuel 19:8 "Then the king arose and took his seat in the gate. And the people were told, 'Behold, the king is sitting in the gate." And the people came before the king." This verse has never made an impression on me before, but today hearing it at church it came alive. This was right after David's son, Absalom, was killed. David had just won the war against his son, but he was grieving his death. The nation needed their leader though. David still had a mission, he was the king, the leader of Israel and he had to go forward. I am not a king, but my children need my direction and leadership. They need to see their mother trust the Lord and go forward. I think in many ways, daily life, I have; but spiritually I have been somewhat "frozen" since Anabel got sick.
We have had a nice weekend. Anabel and I went to see Underdog with the OCCA group. We had lunch together first and then met up with a little girl Anabel has met from the clinic. They have become quick friends. We shopped a little with her and her mom after the movie. Later we went to dinner at a sweet family's house. They have four children of their own and two foster babies. They are absolutely precious people. It is so interesting that we met them a couple of years ago then after some time have been brought back together. I am very thankful.
Anabel is supposed to start Prednisone Tuesday, but since camp Cavett is this weekend they are switching the next two treatments. She will just get a shot this week, next week start Prednisone, and then one more shot the following week. That's it. That is all of the treatment...Lord willing. We are anxious, excited, scared, and tired all at the same time.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, July 30, 2007 9:21 AM CDT
Anabel is doing better. She is excited to see August get here. She is ready to start coop and especially finish treatment (Lord willing). We will be glad to say goodbye to steroids. They are such a necessary evil. Please pray for our little friend Karina. She also is a steroid induced diabetic and this comes on top of so many other side effects from treatments. Please pray for this precious family. Her site is listed above. Praise God today for your platelets, white blood cells, red blood cells, normal blood sugar, food, hair, home, clean water, family, education, fun, swimming pools, sprinklers, laughter, salvation, heaven.....................................................
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, July 23, 2007 9:57 PM CDT
Anabel has had a very hard time this week with the Prednisone. We had to increase the insulin again. I am glad she just took the last pill for this cycle and there is only one more cycle left, Lord willing. My mom and I were discussing how we mourn not only the loss of Daniel, but the loss of normal life for Anabel. I know the pain so many others are facing, so I don't want to complain. She is doing well, we are close to the end (Lord willing) and I will focus on that, BUT... I understand Mom, like only someone in our position can. Psalm 131 "My heart is not proud nor my eyes haughty. Nor do I involve myself in great things, or matters too difficult for me. I have composed and quieted my soul. As a weaned child rest against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child. Oh, hope in the Lord forever and ever." The boys are spending the night with their cousins tonight. Anabel goes to the clinic tomorrow for bloodwork and her shot.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, July 19, 2007 10:47 PM CDT
Anabel started Prednisone today. She got a late start this week because I was able to go to a lake house with some friends from bible study. It was a wonderful break with lots of sun and lots of laughs. This is the second to last "big chemo" week. I can't believe, Lord willing, the end of treatment is on the horizon. I was thankful it didn't hurt when they accessed her today. It has hurt the last few times they've done it, but Dezarae did a wonderful job. I was also thankful Josh went with us to the clinic. He is a great babysitter. Jonnie is a wild man lately. His favorite thing is to jump off the couch. I found him on top of the piano a few days ago, and we have an old upright one. YIKES!
Not much else going on, which is always a good thing.
I've posted some pics from Disneyland in '04. I miss you Daniel.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"
Saturday, July 7, 2007 11:11 PM CDT
A sweet mom who is also separated (temporarily) from her three year old due to Nueroblastoma, reminded me of this wonderful verse.
"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Ps. 139:15-16)
God alone is in control..... and He IS good. The pain is very real, but there is a greater reality in our future.
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I WILL TAKE JOY IN THE GOD OF MY SALVATION. God, the Lord is my strength. He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19
Today my Caleb turned 9. He partied with a few buds in the pool. Earlier today he had his last game and they came in 2nd. Right now he, Josh, and Anabel are playing Star Wars together in the sun room. This doesn't happen as often as it used to. I didn't even have to ask anyone to serve him by playing with him, they just wanted to! I know it is getting late, but I don't want to stop the wonderful sounds of giggle and happy play. We watched video of when Caleb was a baby. It was so sweet seeing the three of them playing , hugging, and kissing. I guess that is what makes this evening's playtime so much more sweet. They are growing up and times like these will happen less often. They are such good kids.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, July 5, 2007 9:12 PM CDT
We had a nice time yesterday. Swimming, steaks, family, and fireworks. Bobby and I are struggling as July 8th approaches. That day in '03 was when Daniel was diagnosed and this new life of cancer began. It seems like so much longer than 4 years. We visited with friends who have a little boy just a few months older than Daniel. They played together often. He is taller and thinner now. It is hard to imagine Daniel as an almost six year old boy. We miss him so much.
Please pray for our friends struggling through treatment...Lane, Anna, Brian. Pray for Emory as he waits for the results from his bone marrow test. Pray for Cameron and Darren's family as the anniverary of their deaths is coming.
Caleb's birthday is this Saturday. He is so excited. It is so fun to give gifts to him.
Thursday, June 28, 2007 10:15 PM CDT
Anabel is having a rough week. I am having a hard time keeping her blood sugar below 250. I can tell when she is around 300 because she starts moaning and feeling naseous. She has been around 300 since 4:00 pm. The dr has upped her Lantus dose to 12 units. When she started Insulin she was on 7 units and we've had to increase every Prednisone cycle since. She said Anabel's pancreas is just being overworked and it progressively gets harder for it to make the insulin she needs while on the steroid. I am thankful that the day after she stops the steroid her body is able to function properly again, but it is unnerving to hear one of your child's organs is being overworked and needing more and more help. We only have two steroid weeks after this, but I can't help but worry that one of those weeks may do permanent damage to her pancreas. I need to check her blood sugar at 11:30 pm to see if it has come down and then at 2:00 am to make sure it doesn't go below 80. It will be a long night. Maybe I should go make apricot jelly :) My sister said I needed to go to AA, apricots anonymous! Jonnie surprises me. He is so little (in age, not size), but he is so smart. He loves to be in the big boys' room playing their drums and guitars. Today, he took the amp cord and put one end into the hole (I'm sure there is a name for it) of Caleb's acoustic guitar and plugged the other end into the amp. He couldn't figure out why there wasn't the big sound like the boys make though. There are new pictures so check them out. The first one is of my sister and I in line for Space Mountain. 24 years ago I made my sister walk me back through the line after we had waited over an hour to ride because I chickened out. She has never let me forget it either. So in the picture I tried to look afraid. We really look exhausted!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, June 25, 2007 10:58 AM CDT
We went to the Quartz Mountains this weekend for a family reunion. This was with my dad's mom's family. She is one of twelve siblings. I am so blessed to have both sets of grandparents still living and a rich heritage of a family so full of faith. Yesterday being Sunday, we sang several old hymns after breakfast. I fell apart as I usually do when singing some of these precious old songs. My mom was there to hold me up, as she has always been. How good God is. We saw family we hadn't seen in years and even some I had never met. Josh met a 4th cousin who was like him in so many ways. They hit it off and were trying desperately to work out a way for him to come stay with us. He lives in Georgia. They looked so much alike. The same nose, hair, height, only their eye color was different. They are even only four days apart in age. Jonnie lived on the playground. He has no fear, but I have several new gray hairs. Caleb enjoyed climbing the "mountain" with my dad, Josh, and his cousins. Anabel is not fond of roughing it. After going to the bathroom (which was so much better than the outhouses I remember when I was her age) she declared "I am just holding it until we get home!" She is so funny.
She starts Prednisone tomorrow. It will be good to get another week behind us. Last weekend we went to the zoo with the OCCA party. Our sweet friend Jennifer walked around with us and she shared some insight into how Anabel is feeling. She was on the same protocal. She is almost 21 and could communicate so much. She said when someone touched her skin it felt like a terrible sunburn and bruise at the same time.
I have loads of laundry to get to and tons of apricots calling my name. We have seven trees so bring on the jam and cobblers!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, June 14, 2007 3:57 PM CDT
Anabel is doing well, another Prednisone week behind us only three more to go. I have to admit, I am reluctant to rejoice at the end of treatment. It is hard to believe she will be fine with so many of our dear friends around us going from treatment to treatment, remission to relapse, or struggling to stay alive. After seeing one of these small warriors having a reaction to a medication I told a sweet survivor at the clinic that I sometimes plan on Anabel and I staying connected with the clinic and helping the art ladies, but other times I want nothing more to never step foot in that place again. It hurts to see our little friends suffer, it is scary to think that the clinic may be our future whether we choose it or not. Yes, I am down today but I will continue to believe "joy comes in the morning." (joy and saddness do co-exist)
Please check on our friend Emory, his link is below. They received news they were not expecting. Continue to pray for Anna and Karina, their links are above.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, June 2, 2007 11:37 AM CDT
I just wanted to remind everyone that Anabel starts chemo and Prednisone Tuesday and ask you to pray us through it. Bobby and I are doing a bible study with some friends on the book of Daniel. It says so much about God's sovereignty and has been so good for me.
Daniel 3:16 "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, 'O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. 17 If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. 18 BUT IF NOT, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.'"
Hebrews12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
Beth Moore encouraged me through the study when she said crossing from this life to the presence of the Lord is like blinking your eyes, like dropping a coat from your body. The person, the soul is still very much real and alive; even more so. I haven't shared this before, it is very painful to remember, but as Daniel passed from this earth to God's presence, his facial expression changed. His eyebrows raised a little and his last breath was more of a delighted gasp of surprise or joy. Before that there was only shallow breaths and no sign of recognition, just deep sleep for probably 10 hours. I've never seen someone leave their earthsuit before and some may say that this was not out of the ordinary, but no one will ever convince me that that was not his response to seeing Jesus. Thank you God for that reassurance even though at the time it was clouded by my grief.
My sister and I were remembering him the other day as we scrapbooked together. She said "I will never forget him trying to say his last name...I'm Danl He-lew." At his 3rd birthday party he would say "I'm Peter Parker." We'd say, "Your Peter Parker?" then he'd say, "No I Spidaman!" So we'd ask, "You're Spiderman?" He'd say "No, I Danl!" When we looked at Christmas lights just 10 days before he died my mom called him a mess. He declared, "No, I a toot!" That was the other thing my mom called him. Thanks for listening, it helps to remember.
I need to apologize to Emory for mis-spelling Red Sox. How embarassing! I probably mis-spelled "mis-spelled" and "embarassing". It wasn't my best subject and I'm too lazy to look it up! Have fun in Paris!
Thank you all for praying and the encouraging notes. Please keep praying for our friend Anna Jane and her family.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, May 28, 2007 1:15 PM CDT
We just got back last night from a fun weekend with the boys. Thanks to a generous relative we went to two Rangers vs. Red Socks games in Arlington. Anabel and Jon stayed with my mom and dad since Anabel had a birthday party to go to and Jon wouldn't have enjoyed he game at all. It was hard leaving him for two whole days, but when we got back he just said, "Hi!" and smiled like we had just been away for dinner! We also took the boys to see Spiderman 3 and Pirates 3. We had an overall great weekend, just me and three of my guys. It was Anabel's idea for us to see the movies, she didn't want to have to see them. She had a great time partying 80's style with a bunch of girls. Today we will visit the cemetary and spend time remembering Daniel with my family. It is good to see Caleb and Josh playing with two of their little boy cousins. One is a year or two older than Daniel would be and one is a year or two younger. It is hard too, knowing Daniel would have had so much fun with them and he would be such a source of joy to his brothers. Caleb misses his playmate terribly.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare [2] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Thursday, May 24, 2007 9:21 AM CDT
Not much to report, which is GOOD! The boys are playing baseball. Josh finally bent under the pressure and joined the red dirt team with his friends. He said it was just to get ready for football, but he is really enjoying it. It is funny that after all the stress of cancer and being pretty laid back about life in general now, I am still wound up at the boys' games. Bobby would like to put a reign on me. Woah, Nellie! Anabel is feeling pretty good. After she stops Prednisone, she has a couple of sleepless nights, a day of feeling sick and throwing up, a few days of general achiness and then she gets back to normal. Only 4 more Prednisone weeks to go, Lord willing! Jon is climbing everywhere and getting into everything. Bobby and I wonder if he is just more active than the other kids were or we are just old and worn out. Probably both! But praise God for all his energy and no knowledge of the pain this world has to offer. He has a reckless abandonment that all toddlers should have. Daniel too soon learned that there were many things to fear and pain was a very constant reality. We struggle as Memorial Day approaches. It is sandwiched right between Mother's and Father's Day which is appropriate. It is hard to celebrate with one of your children absent. Thank you God for hope and a future with You and our loved ones. Thank you for your prayers and notes of encouragement. We love to hear from you. I'm posting more pictures. Sorry again for the giant size!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, May 19, 2007 0:41 AM CDT
I forgot to mention there are new pictures on the photo page. Anabel's blood sugar never made it over 200 today, that is a first! We upped both of her insulins again. Maybe we've found the right amount. She felt better today and tomorrow is the last Prednisone day for this cycle. Yeah! Today was the last day of school, I think I am more excited than the kids :)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, May 16, 2007 9:08 AM CDT
Anabel's procedure went so well. She fell asleep right in the middle of telling Dr. Meyer what toys were needed in the toy closet :) We're not spoiled or anything! The LP itself went smooth and she woke up quickly and easily. This was the best procedure by far. Most importantly, her spinal fluid was clear! Dr. Meyer turned to the last page of her protocal. She will have another LP when all the treatments are done as well as a bone marrow test and scans. That will most likely be at the end of August, Lord willing. Thank you for praying, thank you Lord.
We had a nice Mother's Day. I was able to spend most of the day scrapbooking. I also went to Daniel's grave. I spent some time there by myself. We took my mom to dinner also. Anabel gave me the best angel statue. I collect the Willow Tree Angels. This one is called Angel's Embrace. It is an angel clutching a small boy. I by no means consider myself an angel, but I do imagine this as me clutching Daniel. My head is buried in the crook of his neck and he is equally embracing me with the same intensity. I told her she gave me a hug from Daniel and weren't we glad this was a picture of our future!
Thank you again for praying. As I told my bible study group, I pray because God has told me to. At this point in my life, I don't understand the impact prayer really has on circumstances. (I do know there is an impact on me and how I view circumstances) but thank you for praying and thank you God for good results and an easy procedure.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Wednesday, May 9, 2007 9:00 PM CDT
Anabel hurt her back Monday on the trampoline. She had an x-ray Tuesday and everything looks alright. She probably pulled a muscle. It is hard for her to get comfortable, but she is feeling a little better. The pictures are a decent size now! We had a great time with the ladies at the clinic. With coop over it will be nice to see them every Tues. again. Next Tues. Anabel will have an LP with sedation. She is supposed to be there at 8am. She also has an appointment with the endocrinologist at 10:40 so it will be a long day. Please pray for clear spinal fluid and easy sedation and recovery. Thank you for checking in.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, May 6, 2007 11:54 PM CDT
(If the pictures are giant, come back later after Bobby fixes them for me!) :)
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
I added some new Disney pictures to the photo album. Anabel is doing well. She complains more of aches and pains. I think this is just from the prolonged use of Prednisone and maybe the Bactrim she takes every weekend. I give her Calcium supplements to counteract the loss of Calcium from her bones brought about by the Prednisone. Her blood sugar was over 200 last night. She felt nauseous, hot, and grumpy. I'm not sure what that was about.
Coop has finished for the year so school is slowing down. We just have a couple of weeks left to complete the rest of our subjects. The kids miss their friends already! Caleb's baseball team has had a great start. They've won all their games, but they wait until the second inning before they start playing better. This makes for a close and tense ball game! We have planted a garden this year. We started kind of late, but hopefully with all this rain, it will turn out okay. Josh is still drumming away. I really like the music he plays and listens to. How many moms of teenage kids can say that? I really do though. He and his cousin can play several songs together, Cole plays the guitar. It is pretty cool. Anabel bought a microphone today so she is ready to sing with them. Caleb is pretty good on the guitar and piano too. They get it from their dad! :)
Anabel entered an art contest for the Metro Family Magazine. She got an Honorable Mention out of 100 applicants! She has been invited to an awards ceremony on Thursday.
On a very sad note, please pray for sweet little Anna (her website is listed above). They went back to Delaware for surgery and to hopefully remove the rest of the cancer, but found more than they thought was there. It is in her new liver too. She is in ICU. Please pray for this sweet family.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, May 5, 2007 4:23 PM CDT
This isn't the best picture, but it captures the kids at their best! This was Easter three years ago. The two boys next to Anabel (on the left with the silly face) are my nephews. I can't believe how much they have all grown. Again, the home photo is old, but I just don't want to post a picture on the home page without Daniel on it. I put new pictures from our trip on the photo page and will hopefully put more in an album of the party too. I was checking another week off Anabel's protocal and realized after next week's shot we will turn to the LAST page! I can't believe it. This week marks week 94 of treatment. (Keep in mind, there were about 12 weeks scattered in there that she was delayed and off treatment) I ask you to all continue praying the cancer NEVER returns and we glide through these last weeks. She has 5 Prednisone weeks left and 11 shot weeks counting the one coming up LORD WILLING! May 15th she will have an LP along with the Pred and other meds. This is always a stressful time not just because of the procedure, but the question of whether her spinal fluid is clear. Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, April 29, 2007 9:50 PM CDT
I'm still working on those pictures, but I put a few in the photo album from Give Kids the World. I wanted to share a funny story. Tonight we watched some video from the trip with my parents. On the Kilamanjaro Safari at Animal Kingdom (which is very cool) we came upon two lions, male and female. As the female approached the male and rubbed her head against his you could hear everyone in the background say "Ahhhhhh". Then just use your imagination as the next words you hear are..."Oh, dear", and "Oh my goodness"... and then my daughter loudly shouts "Get a room!" It was very funny. We are glad this week of prednisone is over. It was a tough one. I think we wore her out on the trip and that coupled with the emotions of it being over and having to start chemo didn't help. Such extreme highs and then lows. I caught myself thinking "I just want this to be over!" but had to stop short. I had said that with Daniel, but when it was over, he was gone. I don't believe in "be careful what you pray for" God isn't a fumbling genie who needs every word said just right. Obviously God's ways are not our ways, but I do view today differently. It is a privelage to be taking care of my daughter and I will do it has long as the Lord allows. Prayerfully I will be caring for her as any other pre teen without sticking her with needles or giving her horrible pills. But I will be thankful for right now, she is with me.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Thursday, April 26, 2007 11:04 AM CDT
Here is the website to view some pictures. www.zoto.com/blehew There are many, many more to come. But they will have to wait until I get some of this laundry done! Annie is feeling icky, but hopefully she'll brighten up when my parents get home with all the goodies she bought. They drove to Disney World instead of flying with us. I posted yesterday too, so if you are just now checking in you may want to read the journal history to read more about our trip. There were so many fun, exciting things that happened!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, April 25, 2007 7:42 PM CDT
We are home! It was a wonderful trip, made extra special since my mom and dad and sister and her husband and boys were there. We had so much fun. It was a different kind of trip since all the kids were up for the huge roller coasters from the Hulk and Dueling Dragons at Universal to Expedition Everest and Rock-n-Roller Coaster at Disneyworld. Anabel rode every one. She got to see the High School Musical Pep Rally at MGM. She really enjoyed that. Even though we spent most of our time at the "big" rides, there were times that were reminisent of three years ago. As soon as we got to Give Kids The World Bobby and I both broke down. I really think we were in the exact same villa. Christmas night at GKTW, the Ice Cream Palace, the carousel, and the train set in the arcade were all hard to get through. While it was difficult, I also felt closer to Daniel than I have in awhile. So many memories came alive. When we went with Daniel we were given a star to put up on the ceiling. We forgot to do it then, but I kept it. I took it with us this time and they put it up next to Anabel's. I totally lost it. When we saw Wishes, the firework show, I lost it again. I tried to stay clear of Woody's Round Up, but Johnnie caught sight of it and started boppin' his curly little head. We watched it together but I had to leave before they started singing "You've Got A Friend In Me". Bobby and I both agreed the "magic" of the place is gone forever. Not because we've been there before, but because we are waiting for the ultimate trip and seeing our precious boy again. We made so many new priceless memories though. The theme parks were wonderful to us. Thank you so much Make A Wish, Give Kids the World, Disneyworld, Seaworld, and Universal Studios! The picture above is of three years ago. I can't post a picture on the front page without Daniel in it. I will put some in the photo album and Bobby is working on a link to pictures from the party and the trip.
Anabel started chemo and Prednisone today and she's hunnnnngryyyy. Vacation is over. I read today another of our sweet nurses is leaving. I had no idea! I hope I see her before she leaves. She is another sweet lady that has helped in very hard times. We will miss you Diane please keep in touch.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Thursday, April 12, 2007 11:24 AM CDT
We had a wonderful time yesterday! The Chi Omega sorority at OU had a Make A Wish going away party for Anabel. We drove up to see a huge sign saying "Welcome Anabel to Your Very Own Highschool Musical!" She and her other two friends squealed in delight! We came in to a long line of girls clapping and singing to the soundtrack and sat down for the show. The clinic's own Jennifer Wallace (who masterminded the whole thing) played the part of the beautiful Gabriella. She sang a duet with another OU student in basketball attire. The starry eyed girls thought they sounded just like Troy and Gabriella. There was dancing, pizza, cookie cakes (yummy!), and then we watched the movie. The sorority girls were so sweet and hospitable. They gave Anabel a new CD player as well as a basket of "Highschool Musical" items. The boys were a little intimidated by the prescence of so many beautiful college girls and ducked out with dad before the movie started, but Johnnie with his blond ringlets, batted his big blue eyes and flashed his toothy grin winning over many hearts I'm sure. I am so impressed at these ladies for giving up there time and doing this for us. Anabel said it felt like a dream. I will post some pictures as soon as we download them on the computer. THANK YOU CHI OMEGA, BETTY KAY, OUR WISH GRANTERS, AND MAKE A WISH FOR EVERYTHING! We are so excited to go to Disneyworld, especially with the rest of my family. We know we may break down a few times because of the memories and just wanting Daniel to be with us, but we are ready to hold each other up. There is no way we could pretend it doesn't hurt but no way we could deny Anabel her wish to go back. There may be something healing about it. The truth that we will see him again in our real home is what gets us through each day. Disney World is probably the best this world has to offer, but our true home where Daniel is waiting for us is so indescribable, that if Daniel could feel bad, he would feel bad for us! On a sad note, our friend Kelvin has relapsed again with Neuroblastoma. He was diagnosed the same week as Daniel. He will start chemo again Monday. Please pray for this family.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, April 4, 2007 4:00 PM CDT
I just read this on Darren's page and had to share it.
To My Child... Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying. Just for this morning, I will let you wake up softly, all rumpled in your sheets and I will hold you until you are ready for the day. Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear and smile at how perfect it is. Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry and pick you up and take you to the park and play. Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off and sit with you in the back yard and blow bubbles. Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the Ice-cream Truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by. Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned. Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them. Just for this afternoon, I will take you to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars. Just for this evening, I will snuggle besides you for hours, and miss my favorite T.V. show. Just for this evening, when I run my fingers through your hair as you pray. I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given. I will think about mothers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms and mothers who are in the hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and scream inside that they can't handle it anymore, and when I kiss you goodnight, I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then I will thank God for you and ask him for nothing,
EXCEPT ONE MORE DAY!!
41 And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed, 42 saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” 43 And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. 44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. Luke 22:41-44
Let us never forget what our Lord has done. Praise be to God!
We had a good time at the clinic yesterday. We saw Emory and Laura and the Salamys. Kay and Arlene were there with their treasure trove of crafts and we visited with Donna Duhon. Anabel started Prednisone as well as getting her other chemo. She is taking insulin again. We are going to go up on the night time dose because we are having a hard time keeping it down. We may have to increase the other doses as well. We'll have a better idea tomorrow. She is doing fairly well. It will just take time to find the right amount to give her. She has played a few games with Caleb and been up which is so much better than usual.
One of our very favorite nurses and dear friends is getting married! We are so happy for her, but will miss her terribly. She has helped me through so much.
While Anabel was getting her vitals done with Ms. Shirley, we looked at Daniel's picture that was hanging with the other hundreds of children in the vitals room. There was a survivor helping and we told him about Daniel and how we knew we would see him someday. Anabel announced to me, "You will see him a lot sooner than me!" I gladly told her I was counting on it!
Please pray for sweet little Karina.
"Come quickly, lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, March 25, 2007 3:32 PM CDT
"Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing"
Come, thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace; streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise. Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above. Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, mount of thy redeeming love.
Here I raise my Ebenezer; here by thy great help I've come; and I hope, by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home. Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God; he, to rescue me from danger, interposed his precious blood.
O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be! Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.
Robert Robinson, 1758
This is probably my favorite hymn. The word "Ebenezar" means "stone of help" from I Samuel 7:12 "then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name, Ebenezar, for he said, "Till now the Lord has helped us." I hope to have a large stone engraved with the word and verse someday to set in front of our house... areminder for me, but also my kids.
We went to the St. Baldrick's Day festivities to see our wonderful Dr. Meyer have is head shaved by Matt Hoffman. Anabel giggled through it, the boys were in awe to see the famous Matt Hoffman, Johnnie wiggled until he was set free on the grass, and Bobby and I were more than grateful to know we had such a kind hearted, dedicated Dr. like Dr. Meyer. Dr. McNall, Daniel's main Dr. and equally wonderful, had her head shaved in 2003 just months before he was diagnosed. I remember seeing her for the first time and thinking we had some kind of punk rocker doctor. It was a treat to see her today too. We visited with the lovely Hood ladies, Laura and Sydney, and heard Emory's speech. A couple of our sweet nurses were there too. It was also declared to be "Fletcher Vines Day" by the govenor. I can't say how many times I heard someone say over the sound system they were being shaved for Fletcher. I know Gail is proud of her amazing son.
Anabel is doing well. This will be her off week. She will start Prednisone April 3rd. She is such an independant girl. I tried not to say "I told you so" when she fell down because of her high heels. We had a lengthy discussion about whether it was prudent to buy said shoes while in the store a couple of weeks ago. I bit my tongue :)
Enjoy this beautiful Spring season!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"
Sunday, March 18, 2007 11:30 PM CDT
Anabel did much better this time on Prednisone with the insulin shots. We had a little reality check when we realized how many times we would have to check her blood sugar and then give her a shot. The first night was a long one, but we got into a routine and a little more comfortable with it all by the end of the week. She was actually sitting up, talking, smiling, and even playing a little. She still felt yucky, but no where near as horrible and completely down as before. She didn't even swell as much as before. She has complained of a tummy ache, but unfortunately we've had a couple of viruses in the house. We started with colds or allergies, but this weekend Jon started having diarrhea and vomiting. Poor baby, he finally was able to hold down a banana. The only fluid he is taking in is from Pedialyte pops. I'm praying no one else comes down with this. I have really been missing Daniel terribly this month. I ALWAYS miss him, but it has been that gut wrenching ache that I'm so familiar with. I still find myself groaning out loud.... How could this happen, can this be real? He should be here with us.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"
Saturday, March 10, 2007 11:47 PM CST
II Corinthians 5:6-8 "Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, while we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (For we walk by faith, not by sight:) We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord."
I have to believe that when someone leaves his/her body they are in the presence of the Lord. In what form I don't exactly understand (since the body will be resurrected later and "caught up in the air with those that remain"--PRAISE GOD!), but the person is with the Lord.
This is definately when we "walk by faith and not by sight". I cried last night, missing Daniel terribly. My only comfort is that the bible is true. He is with the Lord and someday we will all be together.
"Hope that is seen is not hope. For why does someone hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:24
Faith, hope, and patience...all are being tested. Some days are harder than others. We are not alone though. "let us also lay aside every WEIGHT, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, LOOKING to the FOUNDER and PERFECTER of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
Anabel is doing well. She was not able to get her shot last week because her counts were too low. Our Dr. wants to give her the highest dose he can without making her counts too low. So he has gradually increased it lately. I think maybe we've found it! I'm so glad he is dedicated to keeping the cancer away. We will not be delayed however. In maintainence you get to keep moving forward. Her counts will most likely be high enough Tuesday to get the chemo and start Prednisone. This will be the first week we do all the insulin shots. I pray she will feel better because of it. Her head has been itching lately. I hope this isn't a sign that her hair is going to fall out.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 7:04 PM CST
"The sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to us." Romans 8:16
This will have to be short, it seems I need 10 more hours in every day.
The endocrinologist thinks Anabel will only need insulin the week of prednisone. She is most likely a steroid induced diabetic, not a Type 1 or Type 2. I am still testing her blood sugar to make sure her body is able to regulate it while off of Prednisone. So far it looks pretty good. The day after she stopped taking pred. her blood sugar dropped to a much better level. (from mid 300s to low 100s) She will be taking insulin (a shot) before every meal and before bed. The needle is very small and she did fine with it over the weekend. Hopefully she will feel better the week of Pred. because of it. I am counting my blessings, this is news we can deal with and very minimal compared with what some of our friends are facing.
Please pray for ALL our NB friends. (praise God about Xander's results-yay) and for sweet little Anna. www.caringbridge.org/annajane
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, February 24, 2007 1:03 PM CST
You know it is going to be a long day.....
When you get a call from the clinic that you weren't expecting.
When the nurse asks you if there is anyway you can get a blood sugar level on your daughter as soon as possible. (they found it was 200 on Tues.)
When you call back with the level (319) and one of your favorite nurses says "Oh crap!" (if I wasn't so nervous I would have laughed!) Looking back it was pretty funny. She said she'd call us right back.
When the nurse calls back and says we need to take her to the ER and Bobby just left for a business trip. (the good husband he is, canceled his flight and immediately turned around)
When you go to the ER. Does an ER visit ever take less than four hours?
When the ER nurse misses the port when she is trying to access it. (did I mention Anabel is on Prednisone and not patient with ANYONE!?) Fortunately instead of trying again, she called 3-G and asked for an Onc. nurse. They sent Rhonda, whom we love! She got it first try with no pain whatsoever.
When you are told you have to prick your daughters finger before every meal, before bedtime, and between 2 and 3 in the morning. Also give her a shot of insulin at night.
Anyway, this is an attempt at a lighthearted break down of our day yesterday. It could have been so much worse, so I won't complain too much. Tuesday at her checkup, Anabel's heart rate was high and apparently her blood sugar level too. She was already showing signs of her Prednisone induced state after just two doses. Usually I don't start the Pred until after her appointment in case she couldn't start her chemo for some reason. This time I did start it that morning. I could tell Dr. Saxena, whom we love, was a little concerned with how she was acting (normal for us) and her heart rate. Anyway, this was really the first time they had seen her with the extreme effects of the Pred or had done a blood sugar with it well into her system. This is my fault. Thursday, the Drs., whom we love, must have discussed this and decided she was probably a steroid induced diabetic. I am so glad things worked out as they did. She will take insulin this weekend and we will see the Drs. Monday to discuss future plans. I don't know if she will have to be on insulin everyday until after chemo, only while she is on Prednisone, or forever. Bobby's dad was a severe diabetic. She seems to be feeling better although her blood sugar level is still high. I am hoping this has been the cause of the extreme side effects and maybe Prednisone week won't be as awful as it has been in the past. I am so thankful the Drs. have caught this. We love all of our Drs. and nurses and are so thankful for them.
(I looked up prednisone and diabetes and found it can greatly increase weight gain, on top of the usual prednisone weight. She has also been dizzy, tired, and really doesn't move the whole 5 days. Maybe this will be lessened some.)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, February 19, 2007 10:54 PM CST
"The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The Lord helps and delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in Him." Psalm 37:39-40
Pre-cancer I would have read that verse and said, "thank you Lord for your help in times of trouble," with a vision of extreme, supernatural help. The kind with bright lights and revelations...angels singing. (Reality Check!) Post-cancer, I still say "thank you for help in times of trouble." While I can say there have been times of extreme grace and revelation, I have come to see the stronghold is not always extravagant. In fact it can be downright uncomfortable. Safe doesn't always mean easy. As I listened to the verses in church Sunday from 1 Samuel 22, it said David hid in a cave. That cave was called his stronghold. It was helping him, but it wasn't neccesarily comfortable. It was a far cry from the palace which a King deserved. I have to admit, I feel like I am in that cave. It is dark, cold, sometimes lonely, and damp with my tears; BUT He is my stronghold, my refuge, my help. Psalm 142:5 (while He was in the cave) "I cry to You, O Lord; I say, 'You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.'"
Sunday we had the pleasure of being honored guests (well Anabel, really) at an OU Honor Society banquet. They had a dinner and silent auction to raise money for three charities, one of which was Ally's House. Because our dear sweet friend, Jamie, was a part of this and Anabel's picture is on the cover of the calender, she made it possible for us to go. Bobby was asked to say a few words on behalf of Ally's House. Linda Webb was there too and spoke also. It was a wonderful evening and so good to see others supporting such an awesome organization. My husband, the great speaker he is, said something very profound. "Don't ask yourself WHY has this happened (2 children with cancer, any child for that matter!), ask yourself HOW can I help, WHAT can I do." It was a lovely evening. Thank you Jamie!
Today was Johnnie's birthday. I can't believe he is one. He is running everywhere and has the most beautiful strawberry blonde curls and blue eyes. He is a joy to this household and so very loved by his brothers and sister.
Tomorrow is big chemo week including Prednisone. One more down then we will only have 7 more weeks in the "(z)sone". With two in between that makes about 23 more weeks total. Lord willing.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, February 15, 2007 8:47 PM CST
Bobby posted some comments (here) and a link to the pictures of the Guiness World Record Breaking heart-shaped pipe cleaner chain that the kids, volunteers and staff of Children's Hospital created! It was an exciting day!
Monday, February 12, 2007 8:52 PM CST
"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14 (one translation says..,"I would have despaired unless I had believed I would see the goodness...)
Waiting is hard...I would despair if I did not believe.
Anabel will get her weekly shot Wed. instead of tomorrow because there is going to be a great event a the hospital. We will be helping out with holding an extremely long heart chain made of pipe cleaners. Hopefully it will be in the Guiness Book of World Records. (is there another heart chain somewhere in the world that is longer? I think not!) It may be on the news, so watch for it. Bobby is going to say a few words. It is just another way Kay and Arlene help brighten the lives of everyone at the clinic.
Please pray for our little friend Xander who has recently relapsed with NB. They could all use your prayers. Pray for wisdom and peace and healing. Pray for Brian Briscoe (NB) who has been hurting some recently, chemo is hard, but any pain sends dread in every cancer mom's heart. Anna (liver cancer) is going to Delaware tomorrow, please pray for complete healing and complete resection of the disease if necessary. Also pray for a sweet family who was recently separated (for awhile) from there sweet three year old. He also had NB. I have had the pleasure of speaking with this incredible mom and understand so much of what she is feeling.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Friday, February 2, 2007 8:09 PM CST
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." Psalm 32:8
Thank you God for that, because so often I have no idea what I should do and the responsibility of some decisions is more than I can bear.
Anabel's x-ray was clear! Thank you God. She is having a very hard time with her medicine this week though. She has been moaning off and on for the past three days. We are walking on eggshells around her. She even yells at the boys from the study saying they are too loud. (and this time they really aren't!) They try to be understanding, but it is hard. I even had to go to my room last night when Bobby got home from work just to get away from her moans and cries. Not mother of the year material, I know. (selfish woman, I am) One more day of Prednisone this round and she should feel better and be her happy perky self again.
Disney World is on the horizon. We have mixed feelings about it. Thanks for praying.
Daniel would probably be losing his first tooth sometime this year.
"He who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen." Rev. 22:20-21
Audra
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 7:16 AM CST
The Lord is my shephard I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23
Anabel's ANC is only 754 this week so she is a little more susceptible to virus or infection, otherwise she is doing well. Next week she will get her chemo and start Prednisone again. She will also have a chest x-ray. This is to check for a mass in the media stynum (sp) area. That is where her primary tumor was and is the most common place a T-cell Lymphoma hides. Please pray for peace and of course no mass of any size as well as protection from some of the nasty bugs out there right now.
"Come, Lord Jesus" Rev. 22:20
Audra
Thursday, January 11, 2007 10:48 AM CST
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuiness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him,you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressable and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1Peter 1:3-9
I love these verses. They give me hope. I have been thinking of all the people who have touched our lives these past 3 and 1/2 years in so many ways. The body of Christ has ministered to us from all over the country. Our community has supported us through fund raises for Make A Wish and also raising money for other charities in memory of Daniel. The wonderful people at OU Medical Center, the Jimmy Everst Clinic, and St. Jude's have cared for us not just physically but emotionally as well. Several of them I feel I can call my friends. I have met wonderful courageous children and their parents at the clinic forming immediate bonds and friends as well. There was an older couple who just came up and handed us $100 at the airport, not knowing us, just seeing Daniel and his little bald head. There are numerous people whom I've never met who have prayed and continue to pray for us. There has been encouragement from the guestbook on this website. We even received a gift for Daniel from someone in China! There are people praying for us in Russia. God has blessed us with caring people everywhere we turn, many who have remained faithful even when we grew bitter and angry. We appreciate the support of all of you and are thankful for those who continue to pray with us through this journey. Thank you isn't adequate, but it is all I can say. We are humbled, we love you and thank you.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007 8:02 PM CST
Anabel did the best ever today during her spinal tap. She went to sleep easy and stayed asleep through the whole thing. She came out of it much better too, just a little crying. Most importantly her spinal fluid was clear! Praise God! I say that, but keep in mind, even if things didn't go as I hoped, (as they haven't in the past) God is still worthy to be praised. His ways are not our ways and who are we to think we can understand.
Thank you for praying.
(Read Job 30:16-31 and then the following verse) "I know that You can do all things and no purpose of Yours can be thwarted. Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. I had heard of You by the hearing of my ear, but now my eyes see You; therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." Job 42:2-6
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, January 7, 2007 6:06 PM CST
Anabel's toe looks like it is healing fine. It still hurts for her to walk though. Tuesday she will have a lumbar puncture. She will be sedated, but as I've mentioned before, she doesn't do very well go in or coming out of it. Please pray she will have a better time of it. Also pray there are no cancer cells. A sweet little boy recently relapsed in the spinal fluid and it has made me aware again how we are not "in the clear". I was reminded this morning of a favorite verse. I Samuel 7:12 "Thus far the Lord has helped us." Although I set my Ebenezer (stone of help) before me and I know He will never leave or forsake me, I groan from the depths of my heart "God have mercy!" The LP is to take place at 10 AM. Bobby will be there with us and I am so thankful. She will get her other chemo and start Prednisone as well so it will be a rough week. Thank you for all your prayers.
I don't think I ever mentioned before. In the background of the above picture there is a little memorial path for Daniel that my dad made. (this is at their house) It is called "Daniel's Way". It is beautiful and there is a statue of a little boy holding a blanket (like his Tag) and one of a boy throwing rocks. Daniel loved to throw rocks into the lake with my dad in their backyard. One day Daddy was taping Daniel throwing rocks. Dad slipped and fell in the mud and while the camera is tipped and tilted you can hear Daniel giggling in between saying "you awright PaPa?" It is so sweet and ornery at the same time. I am thankful for those glimpses of time when I was not there with him. It is like making new memories.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, January 3, 2007 10:00 AM CST
Happy New Year!
Last night Anabel caught her foot on something and ripped the toenail off her second toe. OUCH! I think she may have broke it as well. Needless to say she is in pain and having a hard time walking. Her ANC was only 560 yesterday so I'm a little concerned about infection. Her counts should be on the way up so hopefully between that and keeping it clean, we will stay out of the hospital.
I am still working on new pictures. Free time is something I am very short on, but I am SO thankful for that! Blessed business when it is spent on your kids.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006 10:53 PM CST
Dec. 27, 2006 I wanted to keep the following quotes up for awhile, but wanted to change the photo. I hope to get some holiday pictures posted soon. It is very hard for me to post one without Daniel in it. We had a great time with family. Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Remember to hug your kids at least a dozen times a day!
Saturday we went to Guthrie with my mom and dad and sister's family. It was fun and different from our traditional looking at lights. Anabel and I had to stop and cry after we passed several little dark haired boys about Daniel's age. Then we wiped our tears and managed to smile again.
We spent the evening with my family yesterday too and all had a "good" cry while we watched video of our precious Daniel. What a sweet happy boy!
"Small coffins are placed in the ground, but more than the body is buried." James W. Bruce (meaning, I'm sure, pieces of the family's heart)
From John Bunyan's "A Pilgrims Progress"
At the end of the story, Christian and Hopeful come within view of the gates of heaven. "I further saw in my dream that between them and the gate was a river, but there was no bridge to go over; and the river was very deep." As the two pilgrim's enter the river, Christian begins to sink in the deep waters. He cries, "The sorrows of death have compassed about me!" Hopeful answers, "These troubles and distresses that you go through in these waters are no sign that God has forsaken you; but they are sent to test you, to see wether you will recall that goodness, which up to now, you have received from Him and if you will live upon Him in your distresses. Be cheerful, Jesus Christ makes you whole!" Christian cried out again, "O!, I see Him again, and He tells me, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you'."
Lord, I recall your goodness in so many ways, but especially the reason you put on flesh and dwelt among us. Thank you for for taking my sin and giving me Your righteousness. Help me to live upon Your faithfulness.
"For our sake, He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21
Have a very blessed and merry Christmas!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Thursday, December 14, 2006 10:21 PM CST
Pray for our friend Brian and his mom and dad. Although they got great test results, they still have important decisions to make. Also for Anna, they will be going to Houston soon for treatment options. Also remember the families missing their children this and every Christmas.
The picture above was from Dec. 15 or 16 of 2004. The days ran into each other that last week. Daniel James Lehew September 18, 2001 - December 18, 2004
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though otwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
He was the music of our home, A day that knew no night. The fragrance of our garden bower A thing all smiles and light.
Above the couch we bent and prayed In the half-lighted room, As the bright hues of infant life Sank slowly into gloom.
The form remained; but there was now No soul our love to share; Farewell, with weeping hearts, we said, Child of our love and care.
But years are moving quickly past, And time will soon be o'er; Death shall be swallowed into life On the immortal shore.
Then shall we clasp that hand once more, And smooth that golden hair; Then shall we kiss those lips again, When we shall meet him there.
- Horatio Bonar (1875)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Sunday, December 10, 2006 9:27 PM CST
Anabel is 10 years old. I can't believe it. Where has the time gone? She has a birthday party with 10 little girls on Friday. They are a sweet group and I think they all had a good time. She planned everything and even decorated her own cake. It was so different from the boy's party. Everytime she opened a gift there was a shrill scream from the crowd. So funny! She LOVES The Littlest Pet Shop toys. We are always on the hunt for rare ones. She was greatly disapointed, though, on Saturday. We went to her favorite restraunt, Texas Roadhouse, for her favorite meal, Mountain Trout, and found (after waiting for a table for 11 -my mom, dad, and sister's family) that they don't serve it any more. She held back the tears and only ordered mashed potatoes. Thank God she wasn't on Prednisone, there may have been a melt down! Anyway, she had a great birthday. I am so thankful we have had another year with her and look forward to many more. Last year she was completely bald and didn't feel well most of the time. She is doing so much better now. I am still concerned about the weight gain. It doesn't go up and down like most kids on Prednisone. It is streadily going up, but it is a small price to pay to be cancer free. She has written another book. It is really good. I can see it being in the library someday. Johnnie says it is time for me to go. Thank you God for my girl and another birthday. Thank you for your indescribable gift of Jesus.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Wednesday, December 6, 2006 10:54 PM CST
DANIEL JAMES LEHEW September 18, 2001 - December 18, 2004
He was the music of our home, A day that knew no night. The fragrance of our garden bower A thing all smiles and light.
Above the couch we bent and prayed In the half-lighted room, As the bright hues of infant life Sank slowly into gloom.
The form remained; but there was now No soul our love to share; Farewell, with weeping hearts, we said, Child of our love and care.
But years are moving quickly past, And time will soon be o'er; Death shall be swallowed into life On the immortal shore.
Then shall we clasp that hand once more, And smooth that golden hair; Then shall we kiss those lips again, When we shall meet him there.
- Horatio Bonar (1875)
Wednesday, November 29, 2006 1:00 AM CST
Joshua's birthday is Dec. 6th, (my baby is turning 13) but since he is quite into football now, we had his buddies over for the bedlam game. About 6 teenage boys spent the night at my house (1 hour of sleep!). They played football, ate, played PS2, ate, watched the game, ate, more football, and ate again:) It was a lot of fun. Too bad for my son that HIS team lost. Go Sooners! We got him drums for his birthday. He has wanted them for a couple of years and we finally decided this was not just a passing fancy. He has picked up on the guitar quickly, so we jumped off the deep end. Let's just say I'm glad the houses in our neighborhood are two acres apart! Really though, he is doing so well! I don't know that much about drums, but he can play with just about any song, throwing in incredible "fills". All my kids seem to have a bent towards music. They get it from their Daddy. Bobby has been teaching the boys on his guitar while Anabel sings. Caleb and Anabel are enjoying piano lessons through our awesome coop, and Jonathan is dancing! He loves it when Josh plays the drums. He sits on the floor and bobs his head up and down. It is so cute.
Anabel started Prednisone yesterday. Her segs (which are white blood cells that specialize in fighting infection-I think :) were very high, but she has no signs of infection. Loosey goosey, loosey goosey. Her birthday is the 9th and she will be 10. She has made her own invitations to give to her friends and she wants to make her own cake too. She also wants to have an American Idol show at her party.
We saw Kay, Arlene, and Debbie at clinic. They were taking pictures of the kids to put on the big tree for the OU Library. The theme this year is angels. I carry several pictures of Daniel around with me and asked them if they could put one of him on there too. They graciously took it and are going to dress it up with a frame and who knows what else they will come up with. I started crying, something I've had a hard time keeping in check as the 18th gets closer. Two years since I held my sweet Daniel. I try to remember I am one year closer to seeing him, not one year farther from him. It is so hard. The pit in my stomach hurts most of the day and my back is so knotted up. I don't want to put the tree up, but know we will and should for the kid's sake. It is hard to look at a Christmas tree without remembering him dying in my arms under it. I need to get all the familiar ornaments down. We didn't use them last year. There are so many with special memories that still hurt.
I miss you so much Danny, so so much.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Wednesday, November 15, 2006 8:03 PM CST
The picture above is of my kids and my sisters sons as well. Josh holding Jonathan, Cole, Joe, Caleb, and Anabel in front holding a picture of Daniel
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
There are two new pictures on the photo page.
Sunday, November 12, 2006 11:47 PM CST
I need to be asleep, but I can't sleep. The above picture is about this time three years ago, right before Daniel was getting his stem cell transplant. Of course the following Dec. he left us, the Dec. after that Anabel was recovering from radiation, and now another Dec. coming with her still in treatment and a sweet baby in our house. The hole in our hearts is just as gaping as it was almost two years ago and the world is still spinning out of control (as if we ever had control). With Thanksgiving coming I have been trying to focus on things to be thankful for: of course my wonderful husband who is also my best friend, my sons, Josh, Caleb, Daniel, and Jonathan, my beautiful daughter Anabel, my incredible mom and dad who never tire of helping us, my sister and her family who never get sick of us (I think :), my best friend Dee who forces me out of my shell and doesn't minimize my grief, and most of all the saving grace of JESUS without which nothing would matter at all! I am truly blessed. I will live forever with my family around me. I will live with true love and peace with all my brothers and sisters in Christ someday without stress, worry, envy, anger or anything that plagues the human mind. I can honestly say I have had a good life. Even though Daniel only lived with us 3 years and 3 months, we lived well, enjoying him and each other to the fullest as humanly possible. I live in a free country where I don't have to continually look over my shoulder. We aren't in danger of being separated or killed for reading the Bible. My kids know what it is to be loved, that is so much more than a lot of children can say. Do I have it worse than anyone? No. I don't have to watch my baby starve because I can't feed him. I don't have to watch my husband be dragged away to prison for being a Christian, or see my house burned to the ground and my children scattered. I have the hope and promise of seeing Daniel again. Although Anabel feels badly every third week, it is that very medicine that will (Lord willing) help her get well. I am blessed, God is good, and those facing persecution of indescribable proportions would proclaim His goodness too. I've heard testimony of it. Don't get me wrong, my grief and pain, the pain of many reading this is unbearable at times and doesn't need to be diminished. Although it hurts, He is still Lord. Our pain doesn't take away our faith, in fact many times it makes it greater. "For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 It is okay to weep. "Jesus wept". So many things hurt deeply and will until Jesus comes again. I am reading 1 Peter 1 and am convicted but also my hope is restored. I don't understand it all, I thought I did a few years ago, but I realize I am very small and simple. Since Anabel got sick it has been harder to keep my emotions in check. Although I still believe, I am easily angered. I am easily offended and want to retreat in my cocoon, yet I want to fight and make everyone understand my point of view. This isn't like me. These are very confusing, lonely times. I'm not really sure of much except my only hope is in the Lord. It is after 1 a.m. and I am rambling. Please remember to pray for those who are facing this season without their loved ones.
Let me know if you would like a calender or Christmas cards with drawings from the famous artist Anabel Lehew!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Sunday, November 12, 2006 1:18 PM CST
Anabel is feeling better. It is amazing how she perks up the day she stops taking the Prednisone. It is also a little unnerving when a Dr or pharmacist asks how much she is taking and they make a terrible face. No wonder she feels so crummy. I am just praying that since it affects her body so much that it is also keeping away the cancer as well as killing any that may be lurking around her body or trying to rear its ugly head. (What is even more unnerving is that Daniel's treatments were so much harsher)
We went to Josh's football banquet Friday night. We are sad to see the season end. It has been such a good thing for him and the whole family. It was so good to see him walk on the stage full of confidence. The coaches are wonderful. They gave every boy a plaque with a character quality that stood out in their lives. Josh's was "Obedience". "Quickly and cheerfully carrying out the wise direction of those who are responsible for me."
Johnnie is waking, need to go.
There is a new link below to my sister's adoption blog.
Missing Daniel terribly
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Sunday, November 5, 2006 11:10 PM CST
Anabel is doing well. Prednisone this week.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Tuesday, October 31, 2006 9:48 PM CST
Go to www.allyshouse.net to see the new calenders. Anabel's dog from her book "Animal Feelings" is on the front cover! You can order through that site or through me. The money goes to support kids with cancer in a variety of ways. They are also selling a Chritmas card with a snowman she painted. I have a few order forms, so let me know if you want to order some.
Anabel is doing well. Her shot didn't hurt at all today, she said. In fact she smiled while she was getting it!
I just read that our little friend Karina (now living in VA) is doing well- although still waiting to be released from the hospital- and her baby blood cells are growing. Her family is so sweet and such a testimony of God's love and faithfulness to us. She had a stem cell transplant using cord blood.
It is amazing that someone can donate blood harvested from their placenta after their baby was born healthy, happy, and thriving. (yes, no baby embryos ever have to be killed!) Even the stem cells collected from living adults are incredibly useful and have saved the lives of thousands.
We had an "exciting" weekend. Caleb was playing with a friend and ended up with a gash on his forehead, fortunately right at the hairline. After leaving our other children in the care of our friends and family (they had come over to watch the baseball game), we went to the ER. He had to get two staples. I have never seen this before. I thought it was another way of saying some kind of stitch or suter(sp?). But, no he has two staples on his head! Yikes. He did wonderful, he even laughed a little when it was over, out of relief. We have to have them taken out Monday.
Bobby and I are struggling as December 18th is coming. It is always on our minds but rarely on our lips. I see it all over his face. Even though I always feel it with every breath I take, now that is magnified by a panicked, lost feeling, knowing more than ever that things are not right. It has been almost two years since I've held my baby. That is wrong, so wrong. I am still stricken with shock and were it not for the faith God has given me, I would despair. That faith though seems very small and I feel like I am hanging on by a thread. Please continue to pray for us.
"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. (well, not always) Because I know He holds the future, life is worth living just because He lives."
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Tuesday, October 24, 2006 7:18 PM CDT
Anabel is doing well. What a treat we had at the clinic today! We saw Kay, Arlene, Donna, and Debbie. Anabel had enough time to paint an angel dog. It was beautiful of course. Jamie Carey, Cameron's wonderful mommy, came up to deliver some bandaids to the clinic and to visit. She is such a strong woman full of faith, hurting yes, but loving and trusting God still. (Thank you God for the hope only You can give) It was good to see her. We visited Monica in her hospital room. She is getting new chemo to stop the new growth. She looked wonderful and her baby sister is so cute. We missed out on seeing Brian and Elena. He is going to go to New York. Sloan Kettering is the leading hospital on NB. Continue to pray for his healing as well as Monica and little Anna. We had the privelage of hearing her sing at her church Sunday. She did such a wonderful job. Such a big song of hope and faith. A song she is living out. visit her website at www.caringbridge.org/ok/annajane
"And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, grown inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:23-25
"Now FAITH is the ASSURANCE of things HOPED for, the conviction of things NOT SEEN." Hebrews 11:1
Coach Stoops is at number one. (Liberty Mutual's Coach of the Year) Remember to vote everyday to keep him there! www.coachoftheyear.com
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, October 14, 2006 1:02 AM CDT
One more day of Prednisone. She didn't seem to hurt as bad this time or get as upset which is strange since they upped her dose to 140mg a day. She is such an amazing young lady. She has been through so much and it is hard to watch her have to go through this. She truly lives up to her name-Grace Beautiful Grace. (Ana Belle Grace) What a strong woman she will be.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Friday, October 6, 2006 9:58 AM CDT
Please go to Brian's website (see link below) and encourage them. They found new activity on the MIBG scan. He is ready to kick it's butt again. What a kid!
Keep praying.
Next week is Prednisone for Anabel.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus," Audra
Monday, October 2, 2006 10:16 PM CDT
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So fix your eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles..." 2 Corinthians 1:3
I don't pretend to know what God is doing. I can't understand His ways, but that brings me great comfort. I don't have to figure it all out. I can rest in His sovereign love , care, and wisdom and trust He will bring me around when I am wrong. "Nothing can separate us from the love of God..." (even me!)
"My heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty. Nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me. I have composed my soul like a weened child. As a weened child rests against his mother, my heart is like a weened child within me. Oh, hope in the Lord forever and ever." Psalm 131
"Come quickly, lord Jesus" Audra
Wednesday, September 27, 2006 11:33 PM CDT
Anabel is doing well again. She has been full of laughter today which is such a welcome sight especially when coming off of a prednisone week.
Bobby is pretty sick this week, but I think he is on the mend now. I am looking and feeling like I am 60 with gray hair poking out all over my head and my back on fire from all of the tense muscles. Why is it men look distinguished with gray hair and women, well don't, at least not me! My mom told me I had more gray hair than she did. (Thanks mom) She also says I've earned every one (and this is supposed to make me feel better?) [You know I love you mom :)]
Jonathan is pulling up in his crib. It is so funny to walk in his room and see his little button eyes looking over the rail. He looks like Ziggy. The only problem is he doesn't know how to get down!
The boys are enjoying baseball and football still. Josh's team had an exciting game last week against SW Covenant. We thought they had lost it in the last minute of the game, but with just 14 seconds to go they were able to score a touchdown and get the win back! It was very exciting.
Jamie (Cameron's mommy) left a wonderful story in my guestbook and on her site. It is such a good word picture for the place we are in. Check it out.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, September 23, 2006 0:10 AM CDT
Caleb broke my heart (again) a few days ago when he was crying, missing Daniel. He said, "Why can't it be like in the old days, when people came back from the dead." (speaking of the miraculous healings of Lazarus, the widow's son, Jarius's daughter). He also said, "am I just not praying right?" Oh, the faith of a child! I remember holding Daniel just hours before he passed, knowing God was able to heal him, half expecting him to jump up and run off to play. Of course I had to explain to Caleb that his prayers were not wrong, he could not bring Daniel back. We cried together and said how unfair it was and just not right. We thanked God for the power of Jesus's resurrection and that it meant that Daniel really was alive and we would be together again. But, It is hard to see past the trees when you are in the wilderness. Someday our faith will be sight.
I echo Daniel's exasperated "uuuggh" every time I see Caleb playing by himself in the sandbox, playing legos by himself, or digging a hole to China by himself (really, a big big hole to China!). Josh is too old, Anabel too girly, Jonathan too young. He and Daniel were just becoming real friends right before he died. I don't know what else to say, but uuuuugggh!
and,
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, September 20, 2006 5:30 PM CDT
Anabel is on Prednisone this week. She is again feeling pretty yucky. Please pray for gentlness, patience, kindness, and thankfulness for all under this roof!
If you have not heard, Christi Thomas left this world and is in complete bliss now. Please pray for this family over the next months (years). Pray for strength for each day, wonderful memories, no regrets, and no haunting torture of her last days.
I have heard these trials and sufferings wean us of excessive love for this world, which is true; but I have stopped having excessive love for this world the week Daniel was diagnosed. Lesson learned. I can't "love" it any less!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"
Audra
Saturday, September 17, 2006 2:57 PM CDT
-[I forgot a couple of Daniel-isms]-
I got a new dea (I have an idea)
Uuuuugh! (whenever the nurses called for him)
Party cake (Any store bought cake with a lot of color and icing)
[I picked up a cake. It has the same Spider-man, Doc Oc toy as the one in the picture and is blue also. I am so glad. I'll be able to keep the toy for his party cake every year.]
DANIEL-ISMS
I want lagges (glasses)
Last more (with an authoritive tone, one finger held up, and a very serious look)
Cabed (Caleb-which I catch myself calling him)
Sissy (Anabel)
Not good
I yike dat! (I like that!)
Ni,ni (good night)
you okay mommy?
cycle bike (bicycle)
(just pointing to the car for a drive or the cabinet for food)
Watch a moo moo (i want to watch a movie)
Taaaag (his blanket, was called Tat then graduated to Tag)
Dosh (Josh)
Neena (Nana)
(mumble mumble) uh magic trick, uh magic trick! (his little chant before he pulled his hands from behind his back and threw confetti in the air)
Honey cone! (his answer when we asked "Why was the bee's hair sticky)
Chocat me-ilk (chocolate milk)
ice kipsies (rice krispies)
Whas da-at? (with eyebrows up and chin tucked down)
Woo hoo ( with hands raised in the air, when he got candy from the vending machine on 3G, he thought he won a prize)
(singing) Hap birtday tu yooooooo (over and over) (happy birthday to you)
HAP BIRTDAY TO YOU SWEET DANIEL!
(just for you)
"Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him. How I've proved Him o're and o're. Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus, oh for grace to trust Him more."
I miss you and love you more than I can ever say.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Thursday, September 14, 2006 3:13 PM CDT
www.christithomas.blogspot.com
Tuesday, September 12, 2006 5:12 PM CDT
Anabel is doing well and got her shot today. Her counts are good and spirits up. The Prednisone is really working as far as her appetite and unusual weight gain go, so I am hopeful it is really working against any cancer cells trying to pop up.
Poor Dr. Meyer, Johnnie cries everytime he sees him!
Next week will be "big chemo" week again. It seems to be coming quicker these days, I don't want these precious times with my kids to fly by, but I will be glad when week 108 comes! She is currently on week 60. 48 to go!
I met Lane and his mom today. Another Neuroblastoma boy from Altus, like Brian. Elena had told her about me, and said good things (thanks Elena :). I often wonder why I am there at the clinic, not just for myself and my kids, but for these moms of NB kids. It can't be very encouraging to sit across from a woman whose child has died from the disease. (much less has another child with cancer-give me a break, how scary is that?!) I think I should put a bag over my head some times. Anyway, he is precious and his mom so sweet. His next step is stem cell transplant. He is a very active 4 and a half year old. Just a few months younger than Daniel would be. It was hard not to think, would Daniel really be that tall, would he communicate so well, would he have new big Superman clogs on too? I was jealous he was not playing with Johnnie too.
1 Thess. 5:16-17, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances.
We are off to a baseball game. Keeping busy.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, September 10, 2006 9:41 AM CDT
THIS DISEASE IS TRULY A BEAST!!!! I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!!!!!!
www.christithomas.blogspot.com
Pray for this family!
(those with kids with cancer, don't even go there, just pray)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, September 7, 2006 9:02 AM CDT
Someone left this poem on the guestbook and it is so true. (of course change the her to him)
THE MENTION OF HER NAME (author unknown)
The mention of my child's name May bring tears to my eyes, But it never fails to bring Music to my ears.
If you are really my friend, Let me hear the beautiful music Of her name. It soothes my broken heart And sings to my soul.
I don't want my son to be forgotten. I want everyone to know who he is. I want everyone to know the hope I have of heaven. "but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you." 1 Peter 3:15 But please do not diminish his pain or ours by making excuses for why it happened or the "good" that came from it. Not to say there is not a reason or no good could come from it, but that is for God to reveal to us and not for people to speculate. No one can "fix" us and words from mere humans (especially those who have never been in our shoes) are only patronizing. Thank you to the few friends who just listen, cry, pray, and know they can't fix us. Thank you for the encouraging words in the guestbook, it means so much to us.
Please pray for the Thomas family and Christie. No parent should have to be driven to say, "please God, take her now", but that is a reality many of us have had or are facing.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Wednesday, September 6, 2006 9:26 AM CDT
Anabel is finally feeling better. It took a little longer than usual, maybe because of the LP I don't know. She has a cough now and a little sore throat so they tested her for strep yesterday. I don't know the results yet. As of yesterday her ANC was well over 5,000. Good, I think, unless it is an infection driving them up. But at least her body is producing white cells. That is a lot more than I can say for a lot of our friends. Be thankful for your bone marrow and the great job it is doing!!!
Daniel's birthday is in 12 days. He would be five. he should be picking out party themes. He should be in the Pre K fun play class with my sister at coop. He should be running around the ball field with Sydney and Anna Grace, he should be playing with his cousins at the family reunion.... he should be in my lap kissing my face and telling me I am his best friend.
Oh, God... Come quickly,
Audra
Saturday, September 2, 2006 9:55 AM CDT
The Patriots won their game last night! They played at Langston University, very cool. At one point, I saw a kid catch a" lateral pass" (look at me getting all football saavy). Then he was grabbed by the neck and flung to the ground like a rag doll. I thought, ooo, that had to hurt. Then my friend said, "that was your son!" Thankfully he got up and trotted off. Thank you Lord for pads and helmets. We are really enjoying this whole football thing (except the flinging of my son). I love it when I see Joshua giving me a sideways glance, just to make sure I am watching. Bobby says I'm still the most important woman in his life and he wants to impress me. I'll take it. It won't last forever!
Anabel has been doing pretty well. She has been very quiet except when her little brother is bouncing off the couch she is laying on. Poor guy, he gets so bored when she is down.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Thursday, August 31, 2006 6:18 PM CDT
Anabel's spinal fluid is all clear. She giggled as Dr. Meyer checked her out, he tickles, she says. She even did her very loud, evil laugh that I've heard has kept the kids in drama in stitches. Her brother has asked her to please stop. Dr. Meyer was impressed with how well she looks and how happy she is. The sedation went well. She went to sleep easier than she ever has. She woke up when they were pulling the needle out, but wasn't coherent enough to remember any of it. She again was very weepy and angry as she came out of sedation, but that is just how she reacts to it. All in all it went well. She is feeling the effects of Prednisone and has put me in my place more than once today. Two emotionally challenged women in the house at the same time isn't always a pretty picture. Thankfully the boys could escape to ball practice tonight. She is contentedly shaping clay into amazing figures ( She is so gifted) as she watches endless cartoons and Highschool Musical over and over. We were disappointed to miss out on Kay and Arlene Tuesday, but Anabel was able to visit with her camp counselor, Jenny. Thank you for praying, God is on the throne and can be trusted today and even when things don't go as we plan. I think prayer is so much more about us changing than us trying to change His mind.
Please pray for Christie Thomas, whom I've mentioned before. She is having a lot of pain.
Thank you for visiting,
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Monday, August 28, 2006 3:41 PM CDT
Anabel's LP has been postponed to Wed. in order for her to have the Anasthesi-whatever (because I'm to lazy to look it up in the dictionary let's just call him/her "The sleepy doctor"). I am repeating to myself over and over, be thankful for the sleepy doctor, be flexible, be thankful, be flexible...as I try to rearrange the schedules of my four children and myself for the next two days.
Please continue to pray for no cancer cells, easy sedation, and light side effects to the Prednisone (and every other drug they put into her body). Also pray for me, I'm not feeling well. I'm not sure if it is from the worry about the LP, a bug, or the tidal wave of grief that is always ready to crash down upon me. Anabel is very fearful about the procedure too. Sometimes I wish they'd give us both propophol!
be thankful, be flexible, be thankful....
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Friday, August 25, 2006 4:10 PM CDT
"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but MY steadfast love shall not depart from you, and MY covenant of peace shall not be removed", says the LORD who has compassion on you. "O afflicted one, storm tossed and not comforted, behold I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires...All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children." Isaiah 54:10-13
As my friend Laura said, "we are thankful for the homework and chaos". ( Also the laudry, dirty handprints on the walls, socks hidden under the bed, and stinky diapers over flowing the trash can) We are full swing into our school year. I am so thankful for the opportunity to teach my children again. Busy? Absolutely. Messy house? Certainly. These years won't be forever though and I want to cherish every moment. We are hit everyday by all kinds of situations that remind us that one is missing and that hole will always be there for all of us. We are holding onto the promises above, the LORD will teach our children and give them peace.
Josh had his first football game Thursday with the Patriots. They lost, but it will be a learning experience for them. Josh did great, we are so proud of how hard he is working. Caleb has started Fall Baseball and will be having games soon as well. Anabel continues to entertain other children who are "watching" the games. She is enjoying Piano, Latin, and Drama in our coop. Jonathan is grabbing everything and commando crawling everywhere.
Anabel didn't get her shot this week, her ANC was a little over 700. She was happy. She won't be behind again, they will just skip this week and go on as scheduled. Next week, Tuesday, she will have a Lumbar Puncture along with her regular chemo. Please pray for no cancer cells in her spinal fluid, easy sedation with an anasthesiologist (sp?), and not too much trouble with the Prednisone.
"And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the SPIRIT, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies." Romans 8:23
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Friday, August 18, 2006 9:25 AM CDT
Anabel is feeling better as of Sunday. It's amazing, she goes from feeling awful to wonderful as soon as the Prednisone is out of her system. We have to remind ourselves it is doing more good than harm.
We can officially say we have less than a year of chemo left! (51 weeks)(Lord willing) Out of those 51 weeks, only 17 of them will be hard weeks with the Prednisone. The glass is half full.
Joshua has his first scrimmage tonight. He's so excited and we are too.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
This verse I had our pastor read as Daniel was slipping from this earth into eternal bliss. I needed to be reminded. I've seen or heard this verse everywhere I turn this week, so I guess I need to be reminded again. Thank you God for the reminder and help me "not lose heart."
I also want to share what a new friend and fellow cancer mom told me. It helped me so much at just the right time. She said," even though I'm a christian, my faith is not an anathestic to the pain." It still hurts and I'm sure it always will, but I still believe. Thank you Marla, no one understands like a cancer mom or someone who has lost a child.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, August 9, 2006 2:09 PM CDT
Anabel got her chemo yesterday and started her Prednisone. She is feeling pretty lousy but otherwise she is doing well. Thanks for checking in.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Wednesday, August 2, 2006 10:05 AM CDT
Anabel's counts were good and she took her shot like a trooper again. We have all been going to Joshua's football practices in the evenings. He is having a great time. Anabel and Caleb play so hard with the other kids there. Anabel is so active, it's great! She runs, jumps, kicks the football, and just acts like a normal kid. I feel sorry for the other kids, I had Caleb tell them they couldn't tackle Anabel because of her port and weakened bones, but she just barrels into everybody. They are all good natured about it. Jonathan is such a good baby. If he gets fussy, I put him in his stroller and walk around the field and he is asleep in a matter of minutes.
Please continue to pray for our friends. It is a tough time for Elena (Brian's mom). It would be great to stop into her site and give her a word of encouragement. It really means so much to hear from others and it only takes a second. (for that matter stop in to Darren's, Cameron's, Emory's, Anna's, Zoe's.................)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Tuesday, July 25, 2006 8:50 PM CDT
Just a normal clinic day, good counts and a Methotrexate shot. We saw Laura, Emory, and Sydney Hood. Just a short visit, but always refreshing.
Bobby has blogged some on the Omar site. ( Click on Daniel's Video below). That is writing worth reading.
Right now I am under two of our big oak trees on a hammock. The breeze is nice, a much needed break from the daytime heat. I have been feeling so depressed lately. I don't think I'll ever lose this dull ache in my chest. It is always there, but sometimes it is so gripping and intense to the point I think I'll just die from grief. I find myself not taking too many quiet moments because my thoughts thunder louder then than when I'm busy. If I feel this way, I know Bobby and the kids do too. Please continue to pray for us all.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Sunday, July 23, 2006 3:55 PM CDT
I was sure by now God You would have reached down And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you" And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives and takes away
Chorus: I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry You raised me up again My strength is almost gone How can I carry on If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you" And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives and takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord The Maker of Heaven and Earth
(Praise You in the Storm, Casting Crowns)
I feel like I am living this song.
Anabel is feeling better. :)
Please pray for our little friend Anna. She is in Delaware as of this afternoon to get ready for another ( yes,#2) liver transplant. You can read more about her and her precious family at www.caringbridge.org/ok/annajane Also pray for the family who chose to donate the liver.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Friday, July 21, 2006 9:55 AM CDT
Anabel's chest X-ray was clear. Yeahhhh!!!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006 3:47 PM CDT
We just got back from the clinic. Anabel didn't have to get Pentamidine after all. Dr. Meyer wants to continue the Bactrim for awhile. She was scheduled for an x-ray of her chest today. Just routine but always a little unnerving. We left before they were able to look at it. I'll find out tomorrow. She got Vincristine, Methotrexate, and will start Prednisone and 6-MP at home. Please pray again for minimal side effects. She has been upset a couple of times recently when she was referred to as a boy. I told her she didn't look like a boy at all and people are just rushed and don't look at her close enough. The worst was when a child asked, why is that boy in a dress? I'm really not a violent person, but I imagined myself bopping him on the head! He could have at least whispered. She DID have a secret admirer at camp, but she just rolled her eyes and said she wasn't interested in boys yet. That's my girl!
I have a couple of funny camp stories. Friday, while walking in the lake, Anabel had a leech on her toe! Yes, I said leech. It was about an inch long. She said she thought it was a leaf but then two little things poked out of its head. She started screaming and two of her little friends started screaming and ran screaming all the way to the lifeguard. After all the screaming, she said it only hurt a little bit. ( Dr. Meyer was glad to hear that one.) The other story also happened at the lake. My mom and dad went with us Thursday and as Papa was swimming with the boys this little girl kept playing with them. He asked her what her name was and she said, " you know me!" He didn't but guessed her name on the fifth try. My dad's beard is white now and getting pretty long, so the little girl thought he was Santa Claus! Since he retired recently I told him that would be a good winter job, he didn't look too thrilled!
As I remember our past Julys and try to dwell on the good I think of when Daniel was diagnosed. We were in the hospital most of July '03 and I never left the third floor. Our room was filled with guests, balloons, toys, and FOOD! Food was in every drawer, closet, cabinet, nook and cranny. We had so much we were able to share with other patients on the floor. There was such an outpouring of support, it was amazing. Thank you Heritage Baptist Church and sweet Connie Graves! Our neighbors also organized a silent auction from which was raised enough money to pay medical bills and the apartment we rented in Memphis in order to stay together. God provides!
While in New York the following July '04, we had all (all 6 of us) piled out of a taxi. Bobby looked at the panicked look on my face and started counting children. When he counted to 4, twice, he said " what IS wrong?" I could just squeak, "My purse!". He was off, sprinting around the corner as we watched helplessly. After several minutes he came back with my purse in hand. Caleb, who had been watching the roof tops for a glimpse of the Webbed Wonder, yelled "You're better than Spider Man!".
Last July was extremely difficult to say the least, with Daniel gone and Anabel getting high doses of chemo. But, I am thankful that Daniel is free from pain and chemo. Cancer will NEVER hurt him again! And I will see him again thanks to our amazing God.
This July Anabel is feeling well most of the time and we are almost at the halfway marker of her treatment. We have a beautiful baby boy who brings brightness to our home. There is nothing like a dimpled grin from a baby or the pitter patter of little feet.
Circumstances are not always good, but God doeth all things well. "I believe, help my unbelief!"
"Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice! Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:4-7
Was the song "Don't Worry Be Happy" written with this scripture in mind? Probably not, but that's what I think of when I sing it! :)
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, July 15, 2006 10:50 PM CDT
Anabel had a great time at camp. We made a trip down there on Thursday at her request. She wasn't homesick but wanted us to watch the American Idol show. We got there around 1:00 and everyone told me how wonderful she was doing. She was so confident as she showed us around and we had a great time wading (knee deep) in the lake while the boys swam. I was very impressed at the camp and all the help. Danny is amazing along with everyone else there. I was again amazed at my daughter. She got up in front of a hundred something people and sang with a confident smile and hand gestures. She won the American Idol Runner Up trophy! When it was over we expected to pack her things and take her home, but she wanted to stay and did great yesterday as well. We did get a call today however, and daddy left around 6:00 to bring her home. She wasn't upset, just ready to be home. I am ready to see her!
Joshua is getting geared up for football. He came home from the meeting the other night with huge shoulder pads and a crimson helmet. The next day he must have put it on a hundred times and ran into the brick wall outside for whatever reason, I don't know! We are trying to prepare him for the grueling practices and the fact that people are going to run over him, into him, and try to run through him. He's excited though, and I'm thankful he is bigger than average. He's on the team with his cousin, a friend from nursery at church, and a new friend. That makes it even better.
Caleb had his eighth birthday party yesterday. About 7:00 I was asking whose bright idea it was to have 9 boys spend the night and realized it was me, temporary insanity! But really, he had a great time and I think the other kids did too. He had boys from the ages of 6 to 13, all of them his friends. He's such a good kid, kind hearted, and sensitive, a great friend.
Little Jonny is growing fast. When he grins it just spreads all over his face. He's so HAPPY! He's eating baby food and loves it. He can't sit up yet by himself but loves to stand in the jumper or exersaucer.
Anabel will get the big load of chemo Tues. as long as her ANC has improved. They will probably give her Pentamidine also so please pray for minimal side effects.
I'm ready to curl up with Tag and go to sleep. Missing my Daniel terribly today.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Tuesday, July 11, 2006 4:27 PM CDT
Anabel's ANC is 690, higher but not what it should be. They think it is the Bactrim and after this weekend will probably go back to Pentamidine once a month. A little headache and feeling lousy a few hours is better than having to stop treatment for awhile due to low counts. Since starting the Bactrim she has been on a lowering white count trend.
She is off to camp tomorrow. I am terrified, but knowing the art ladies and Nurse Tracy will be there helps. I am collecting all the cell phone numbers I can. Camp Cavett comes once a year for children from the clinic. Anabel was insistent that she go without her brother. Please pray for her safety and well being as well as sleep for me. :) She is so excited, but this is so out of character for our family (letting one of our kids out of our sight). We will go visit her one day (and call often!)
Cabe the Babe and his team won there post league tournament. It was a close game but the boys pulled it off. They look like little men in their uniforms. Joshua and Bobby are going to a football meeting tonight. (Oh Lord help!)
I am trying to keep my sanity. I think it is this time of year and the memories it brings. I am so irritable and constantly saying I'm sorry to my family for yelling or just being impatient. They are such a blessing to me and so understanding. I am too practical and masculine in my thinking but live in this hormonal, emotional body. That makes for a self condemning person. I have mercy and understanding for everyone but myself. The keyword is self; I would be better off just not thinking about myself! That probably makes no sense and sounds crazy which will help you understand exactly where I am at. UBER- CRAZY! (thanks for the new word Laura!)
Please pray for Elena and Brian. He is having tests this week. His port is not working right and that means more needle sticks. It is such a hard week with all the pokes, tests, and fear of the results. Also pray for Jamie and DeAnn. In just a few days they will be faced with the year marker of the loss of their sons. Your whole perspective changes when you've lost someone so close to you. Words, verses, jokes, movies that once were tolerable even maybe considered funny are not at all anymore. Rightfully so. May no one ever have to lose someone to realize some things you don't laugh at; if not for the loss but for the fact that death is a result of sin in the world (not specific sin always but sin in general) and the reason Christ died on the cross. I doubt He ever laughed at death, in fact the Word says He wept.
Sorry for the soap box, I'll get off now.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Thursday, July 6, 2006 8:34 AM CDT
We had a great 4th! We spent Monday with my dad's family. It reminded me of when I was young. So much fun. My cousin is going to Iraq soon. Please pray for him and his wife and four children. I can't imagine having Bobby gone for a long period of time.
Anabel's ANC was only 520 yesterday so she is a little more at risk for getting sick. This is her down week as far as counts go, but she feels fine. I threatened to take her picture and show it to Dr. Meyer when she was holding a sparkler in her teeth, one in her hand , and one in her toes as she balanced on one foot! Crazy!
Caleb's team is undefeated! We are so thankful for our team, The Broncos. The coaches are great, competitive, but not harsh or demeaning like so many little league coaches can tend to be. This is his first year to play but you wouldn't know it. He is doing very well and loves every minute of it. We call him Cabe the Babe.
Josh is learning to play the guitar (daddy is teaching him). He is doing well. He continues to get taller and broader everyday. It won't be long until I am looking up at him. How exciting! His feet are already bigger than mine. He is such a good guy.
Jonathan is growing. He wants to eat whatever we eat and makes sure we know it! He can't understand that he is only 4 1/2 months old a can't drink from a straw. He's enjoying his cereal and applesauce for now. He also LOVES his Johnny Jumper. Boing, boing, boing.
We continue to miss Daniel and wish so much he could be here to play with Caleb and see how he would react to Jonathan.
That's about it for the Lehews. School is getting closer, but I'm dreaming of the beach! Maybe next year. Wishing all a joyful July!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, July 2, 2006 11:28 PM CDT
"Thus far the Lord has helped us." 1 Samuel 7:12
While I am being bombarded with sad, hard memories; I will try to dwell on good memories and the faithfulness of God.
One good memory is a Sunday sometime in the summer of 2004. We were at my parents house as is typical for a Sunday. My dad was rubbing my shoulders as he often did (and needs to do again). Daniel came running in with his full throttle way with that little head bobbing back and forth and his little tush twisting as his feet went a mile a minute. He plops on my lap and says, "You okay mommy? You fall in the water? You okay?" Then he gives my shoulder a quick rub and is off again. These questions come from the pleasant day in March when we went fishing with my dad and Daniel and I fell out of the boat! Obviously it made a great impact on the little guy. He was such a little man wanting to protect his mommy.
God showed His faithfulness as He picked me up off the floor, literally, one day in Dec. 2003 while Daniel was getting his stem cell transplant at St. Jude's. It was at that critical stage right before the stem cells engrafted. He basically had no way of making blood cells on his own and was completely supported by transfusions. He was not doing well and we were told we may have to go to ICU. I had not slept and naturally was at my weakest. I had been meditating on Exodus 14:13-14. This comes right after the Israelites cried out as they saw the Egyptians coming after them, right before God parts the Red Sea. They said why did you bring us here just to die in the wilderness? I went to our bathroom connected to Daniel's room and found myself on the floor weeping and crying out to God, "why did you bring us here far from our home and family just to let him die?" At that moment, hearing myself practically quote the children of Israel, God graciously brought His words to Moses to my mind (the very words he had me meditating on for days) "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today...The Lord will fight for you, and you only have to be silent." Ex. 14:13-14 My tears were stopped, my heart at peace, and I was able to get up and take care of my son. Daniel did not go to ICU and we were able to go home and be with him for almost exactly another whole year. Although he was not miracously healed, I can still say God is faithful and was with me every step of the way. The God that created all things, bent to help me, ME! I can trust Him, not always understand Him because His ways are not my ways (and that is a good thing), but I can trust Him to keep His promises. "I lift my eyes unto the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Saturday, July 1, 2006 1:44 AM CDT
Why am I awake at 1:45 in the morning? Making sure all of Anabel's girlfriends are off into dreamland. (I know what it is like to be 9 and away from home and not being able to sleep. I don't wish that on any of them.) Anabel had 8 girls come over to swim and play and swim and craft and swim. 5 of them are staying the night. They have had a wonderful time. It is so good to see Anabel laughing and playing. More, more I pray!
July is a hard month for us. Three years ago I was wondering why my content baby was so fussy most of the time. Teething," terrible" twos coming, a virus? It's my fourth child, surely I would know if something terrible were wrong. Never did I think he had a tumor the size of a grapefruit with tentacle like arms encompassing his entire abdomen, an adrenal gland, and half of his liver. As well as around his eyes, his right femur, and in the bone marrow. Neuro what? I wish I never heard the name. I hate it. I remember it when I feel the blast of hot wind on my face, the still summer nights, the crunch of dead grass beneath my feet. Was it just three years ago, I took him outside in late July to try to distract him from the unfamiliar bump (his port) and five inch scar across his tummy? A year spins around and we find ourselves back at July, back at horrible statistics as his cancer is found spreading. Why so soon? We were just feeling like he might be okay. Another year and he has been gone six months but I am in the all too familiar surroundings with my sweet little girl. Why? I echo my friend Laura's question. There is no answer, not one I can understand on this planet. Not one that my flesh would accept as good enough for the suffering my children have endured (all five of them). But I have to believe "the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed to us." Romans 8:18 or I'll lose my mind. Please remember to pray for Jamie and DeAnn. It is a much harder month for them.
I think they are all asleep. No midnight run to take a homesick girl home. Boy, they are much braver than me at this age. The boys are at a friends house. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my boys? And not just love them, but I think they are really cool. It is an amazing thing to begin to look your son in the eye and soon be looking up at him. I am so proud of them. They are really something and the fact that God is at work in their lives is exciting.
Time for bed. " It was for freedom that Christ set you free, so do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery" (I think Gal. 2:10, too tired to look it up)
Have a happy fourth.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Tuesday, June 27, 2006 10:12 PM CDT
Anabel's counts are so good. Better than I've ever seen them, I think. Praise you God! She has recovered from her latest round of chemo and had five small children crowding around her at the ball field tonight. She is a born babysitter/mommy/teacher and enjoys every minute of it.
We had a great time at the clinic. The ladies had at least a dozen service men and women in the clinic for a fourth of July party. It was a lot of fun and very inspiring. We love our country! (and President Bush for that matter too!)
I am extremely sad to say a dear, precious little girl has relapsed with ALL (Leukemia). We roomed with her a few times last year when she and Anabel were getting their chemo. They literally went from a vacation in Florida straight to Children's Hospital where they found out the news. Karina is just five but very brave with the sweetest disposition. Please pray for the Sones family as they face harsh chemo and a stem cell transplant. They are also in the process of moving out of state. They are a close family with a strong relationship with the Lord. It is obvious He holds them in His hand and they are quick to speak of His mercies. I know they would appreciate your prayers. www.caringbridge.org/ok/karinasones
Another family we have met recently, their baby was born a day after Jonathan, is the Kracke family. They have six children and are another sweet, strong family. Zoe, their little pixie of a girl had Leukemia and is currently in remission. She still has treatment to undergo but is doing well. They too have such a sweet testimony of our Lord and His goodness and provision in hard times. They would appreciate prayers and encouraging notes as well. www.caringbridge.org/visit/zoekracke
Continue to pray for Brian, Emory, Caleb (elephant trainer), Anna, Mitch, Kelvin, and the countless other children we see weekly.
Especially pray for Jamie and Deann as the date Cameron and Darren went home to heaven approaches. It can be a very lonely place to be. There are no words to express it to you. None.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Tuesday, June 20, 2006 8:55 PM CDT
We went to the clinic today. Caleb enjoyed doing the crafts with Anabel. She got Vincristine and Methotrexate and started Prednisone and 6-MP at home. She isn't feeling very well at the moment. I got to visit wih Dr. Saxena. He is always so patient and I feel just as good as seeing him as Dr. Meyer or McNall. He listened to my assumption that Anabel had disease in her feet at diagnosis and said he thought it sounded very likely. He was concerned about her foot hurting lately, but felt better (like me) that the pain was gone. I'm thinking it was a trampoline injury. He said, although, that he didn't think the trampoline was a good idea right now since her bones and muscles would be so weak from the Prednisone. Bummer. It is very possible for her to get a fracture. Woops! Swimming is okay and she is fine with that. As far as her weight before diagnosis and now; he didn't think a pituitary tumor was likely with Lymphoma. It is usually a disease all to itself. (I'm not even going to go there) The fact that she is well enough to eat, not able to be very active, and the effects (hunger, swelling) of Prednisone are probably the factors. That is fine with me, let's just get her well! He did draw some blood to check Cortisol levels just in case. (Thank you) I feel better. If her feet start to hurt again they will do x-rays, spinal taps, and bone marrow aspirates just to be safe. I don't anticipate that happening though. Thank you for praying, I struggle so much with worry sometimes. She is really doing great! God IS good and life IS just a breath. One of the verses that I held onto during Daniel's illness is Psalm 27:13-14 "I would have despaired if I had not believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord." I was convinced that the land of the living had to mean heaven. This (on Earth) is not living. But, by God's grace, I am seeing His goodness even here on this planet again. Don't get me wrong, as Rich Mullins said, "It won't break my heart to say goodbye" to this old world and all its sorrow. I long to see my son everyday. But I am seeing His goodness while I am in this land of the living and I praise Him for that. It is ONLY by His hand.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Tuesday, June 13, 2006 9:15 PM CDT
Thanks for praying as I know you have.
I told one of our sweet nurses about my fears and speculations and she, understanding why I would fear and also seeing a logical concern, said she would talk to the doctors to prepare them for our regular visit next Tuesday. That will give them time to be more prepared and not feel rushed to give me answers. She had heard of Cushings Disease and the symptons it caused and found it interesting that Anabel had gained weight before diagnosis when most kids lose weight. She also said if the disease was in her bone marrow, which is was, it could have been in the bones in her feet. A cause for alarm now, probably not. Prednisone causes Cushings syndrome and Vincristine causes constipation and hip and foot pain. A reason to do scans in the head and bones along with the other tests maybe a logical thing to do. Pray the doctors think so too. I would be more at ease knowing we have looked everywhere.
My mom reminded me "Not to worry about tomorrow". So true, live day by day (but I can be prepared right mom?:).
When Anabel was about to get her shot she shrieked,"I forgot my game!" (Nintendo DS-a big distraction). So I ran like a mad woman back to the craft room for it. As I entered the exam room she and the nurse were giggling as Anabel was pulling up her pants. She let Shirley give her the shot while I made the mad dash! I acted a little put out but was thrilled. Shirley had said how funny it would be to give the shot while I was gone and Anabel said "Let's do it!" I am so proud of her and so thankful for our great nurses. They have such a hard job, especially lately-losing so many kids-but they keep on doing their best to make the visit a little better.
Gotta go,
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Sunday, June 11, 2006 11:44 PM CDT
Check out the new photo album and click on "Recent photos & Daniel". There are pictures from Anabel's birthday, the art show, Jonathan and the zoo as well as Daniel. The video can be seen by going to Bobby's link below.
Many have been so gracious about the "stupid bell" comment, thank you. I would e-mail you back but I can't send messages for some reason. :0
Please pray. I am becoming very fearful. Anabel has complained about her tummy hurting a few times lately and she was nauseated a couple of times today. Her foot has been hurting for the last several days and she had a headache tonight. For months before she was diagnosed she had headaches, tummy aches, and nausea. Then the lump on her neck appeared. She had had blood tests, x-rays, and scans previously (because of an over-anxious mom, naturally) that never revealed anything. Then the lump on her neck appeared. I have been thinking lately about some other symptoms that I never told the oncologists about because I didn't think they were related. She complained about her feet hurting for months before diagnosis (x-rays) and she began to gain weight at what seemed a rapid rate mostly in her tummy and neck/shoulder area. She has never had her head scanned or her bones. I don't know if lymphoma can even go to the bones or cause foot pain but her foot pain subsided after she had been on chemo for awhile. I also have heard of a disease called Cushing's Disease which is often caused by a tumor on or near the pituitary gland (at the base of the skull). It causes the patient to gain weight. Now please don't think me vain. I don't care what size my children are, I just want them here with me, but there was such a contrast in her appearance in such a short period of time. This was during the time of Daniel's treatments so we thought it was the stress and changed schedule affecting her diet and activity level. Now I am wondering if she had a tumor near her pituitary gland and maybe disease in her feet. I am also concerned now that her foot and her tummy (on the side a tumor was found) are hurting. She has also gained about ten pounds since the end of January. This I know can be caused by the high doses of Prednisone, which can bring on Cushing's Syndrome, the affects of which will go away when she is finished with the treatment next year. But, what if there is a tumor in her head? Does anyone out there know what I'm talking about? Am I just making trouble for myself or is this a mother's intuition? I plan on talking to a doctor Tues. about when the next scans are and if we can do some more extensive scans...MRI, Bone Scan, etc. I don't want to leave any stone unturned. I don't want to find out I was right months from now when it has had a chance to stare me and every other seeing person in the face! I also don't want to live in fear. A virus, a bad hamburger, a twisted ankle from the trampoline, Prednisone, all logical reasons. I need information and advice if anyone has any. Thanks.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:36 AM CDT
I have been feeling bad all day for what I said about the bell at the clinic in yesterdays journal entry. For those of you who don't know, there is a bell provided by the precious Duhon family, for the children to ring when they are finished with treatment. I called it stupid and I am very very sorry. I will be ecstatic when Anabel gets to ring it and I am thankful for all the children who have and will ring it. I am so sorry precious Duhons, docs., and nurses. Bitterness was trying to take hold of me, please forgive me.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus"... and tame my wicked tongue. Audra
Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:22 PM CDT
Anabel went to clinic today. Her counts were amazing in every way. Dr. Meyer is going to try her on Bactrim again (to prevent pneumocistis (sp?) since the Pentamidine makes her feel so icky. She got her shot without a flinch. The boys went with us and I think they had a good time. It is so hard for Josh still. He has been great though. That smile is showing itself more often and he is taking pride in his "manly" responsibilities: mowing the lawn, short periods of sibling sitting, and pool care. He is such a great kid and has began to laugh at Caleb's orneriness more than taking a swing at him. The kids have been so great since they have been at home this summer. They have played so well together, it is like friendships being rekindled. I love it!
I was disapointed that Daniel's picture was taken down at the clinic. I knew it was just a matter of time, I'm sure there is some policy. I try to see things from other's perspectives and actually I know other's perspectives about having a child with Neuroblastoma. I probably wouldn't have wanted to see a picture of a boy who died with it while Daniel was going through treatment. I didn't like seeing that stupid bell, knowing Daniel would never get to ring it. BUT, only a few handful of patients know him that are there at the clinic now and the picture was out of the way. I think I am the only one there that has had a child die after spending so many weeks at the clinic and now once again have to return every week with another child. I don't know why it helped to see his picture there every week, it just did. I understand though, and no one is to blame for the removal, but I don't have to like it.
Anabel went to a Mentor Me program at our church where she received instruction on watercolor painting. She, as well as the other girls, made beautiful paintings of a lighthouse. I can't wait to show the ladies at the clinic! I hope to post it on the new photo album soon. I am going to put new pictures on it as well so please take the time to look at Daniel's Memorial Day pics before I replace them. Also, his video can be viewed by going to Bobby's website and then linking to it (see below).
I am sad to say Kraleigh Grace is no longer here on earth, but she is in the presence of our Lord. Please pray for her family. Go to www.kraleighgrace.com to see her beautiful picture and to e-mail a note that you are praying for her family.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, June 4, 2006 0:50 AM CDT
Anabel had chemo this week (well she gets it every week but this was the week she got the big doses) :prednisone (yuck), 6-mp, vincristine, and methotrexate. She has slept a lot this time which is probably for the best. She was feeling well enough to go to the zoo Friday night for Dream Night. The kids and I just got there at 4:00 when Bobby called and said he was on his way to the chiropractor. He had thrown his back out. (He'll do anything to get out of a trip to the zoo---kidding!) The poor guy was stuck in his office unable to move for thirty minutes! He is doing better now, but unable to do much. We had a great time at the zoo though. Joshua was a HUGE help with Jonathan and Caleb. Anabel took her last pill tonight so things will be looking up tomorrow. I went to a luncheon today at our church and had a great time. I almost felt like a normal person :). The ladies are so nice and I am looking forward to getting to know them better. I am going to post some new pictures on the new photo album soon of Anabel's art show (from Feb.) and pictures of Jonathan. We've started calling him "Red" because his hair is getting lighter with a reddish tint. It is such a blessing because Daniel's hair did the same thing, going from dark to strawberry blonde before he lost it all from the chemo. Most people think of him as always having dark brown hair, but he was a "red" too. Jonny is such a delight. He is talking more and trying to get both fists in his mouth. I think he is teething already. He drools and bites down on anything that goes in his mouth. Ouch! He's a little fussier than normal and has had a few loose diapers, so we'll see. Joshua sprouted his first tooth at 4 months so it is possible. I just have to keep reminding myself of that to keep from rushing him to children's for a CT scan. It is late and I am totally crazy for staying up, but there is not much time in the day to do things like this.
Please pray for Kraleigh, a little girl with Neuroblastoma from the clinic. She is not doing well. Her website is www.kraleighgrace.com You can e-mail her parents from there, trust me it helps to know others are praying.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Saturday, May 27, 2006 0:35 AM CDT
The year of 2004 started in Memphis Tennessee. Thanks to the blessing of home schooling and my husbands wonderful boss we were able to stay together. We went home near the end of February. After a fun trip to Florida for our Make A Wish in April, we had a couple of months of quick trips back to St. Jude's. In July we flew up to New York and then returned a second time driving all the way with our four kids in tow. Taking the old saying "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade" to heart, we drove slowly home after getting our bad news. We stopped at the ocean on Long Island, Hershey Penn., several civil war sights, and Lehewtown Virginia. Once home we took the extended family to Branson. After much chemo and before a new drug was started, we went again to Daniel's favorite place, but this time in California. "Didney Woild". We saw the magnificent Pacific ocean. Daniel's last year was a year full of tests, chemo, and radiation. But it was also a time of putting important things first: living life, having fun, being happy, hugging, dancing, laughing, thanking God for each day, and praising Him for the promise of heaven. I am so thankful we were able to be together most of the time. That is a luxury most people in our situation don't have. The kids' education is back on track, the vacationing debts and Dr. bills are being paid, and the memories are ever present. Oh, how I would do 2004 all over again but only for my sake. Daniel is so much better off now. He was the happiest boy I've ever known while on earth, and now there is no comparison. I will see you soon, sing of your freedom until I can sing it with you my sweet Daniel.
We sat by the waters of raging white rivers climbed through the valleys of tree covered summits we stood in the rain from the northern pacific breathed icy air on the west Irish coastland
We tasted the fruit, from orchards in summer bathed in the waters near mexican shorelines all that we've done was just one tiny moment but we'll be together again
singing the song of the midwestern prairie telling the tale of of a tiny child's prayer the words are like water to my thirsty heart giving me hope when I've run out on my faith
we've been the beggars who ride wishes horses living like dreamers I won't deny all of our dreaming was only a moment but we'll be together again
You're standing beside me, laughing out loud, I'm standing beside you, with a laugh and a prayer You're standing beside me, arms stretching wide singing your freedom, we'll be together again
All of life's treasures and all of life's trials are all in the moments of living each day tomorrow is coming, life's just a breath and we'll be together we'll be together we'll be together, again
With Memorial Day coming I wanted to share several pictures of Daniel. I'd like to share all of them actually, but will have to limit it to four. We are still trying to appropriate the verse "to live is Christ". We already know "to die is gain", but God has a plan for our lives here until He calls us home. "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me." Phillipians 1:21-22
The above picture is of Daniel and Anabel playing in the playroom at St. Jude's before his stem cell transplant. She apparently did something very irritating to him. Of course, she thinks it is a hoot, silly girl!
Joshua is sick with an infection of some sort. He is on antibiotics and I think we caught it early because he just started feeling bad last night. Pray for Anabel, her ANC was 880 yesterday, the lowest it has been since January. It is not terrible by any means and many times we would have rejoiced to have Daniel's counts be that high. Please pray for her protection, she is a little more at risk with it under 1000. She got her shot like a trooper, hardly a flinch. Nurse Diana hadn't given her a shot since those terrible L'Asparaginase shots when kicking, pleading, and screaming sometimes occurred, so she brought in reinforcements. We were glad to tell them Anabel has come a long way and no appendages needed to be held down. She is keeping tally marks on the refrigerator. Every fifth shot she gets a five dollar bill! I might have done less if I knew it would be so easy. Nah.
I hope to post a song that I play as I scroll through Daniel's pictures. It is so fitting to our last year with him and my hearts cry now. I wish I knew how to have it play on this website. Another one I've listened to a lot is "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns???
Our song for St. Jude's was "You've got a friend in me" from Toy Story. "When the road is rough ahead and your miles and miles from your nice warm bed, just remember what your old pal said, boy you've got a friend in me." If you can, play it on Memorial Day and think of my "best friend". (yeah, I am one of those people who takes music to an extrmely emotional level)
Most of all, as you remember loved ones who have gone home, remember the hope and promise of eternity. "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with a voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words." 1Thess. 4:13-18
Praise be to God!
Check out the latest pictures and please sign in, we love to hear from you!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Monday, May 22, 2006 10:01 AM CDT
I ask you all to please go to Jamie's site. She has entered a very dificult entry, their experience with Neuroblastoma (which is also much of our experience). It is a story that needs to be told and needs to be heard. If you are afraid it will be too hard to read, just imagine living it. Please encourage my friend Jamie by hearing her words and writing her a note. It helps, even when it comes from a stranger.
It would really be a great ministry (for those of you who don't know how to help) to send a message THROUGH THE GUESTBOOK of all these moms and dads who blog. Don't offer advice or quick fixes; just that you are listening, you care, and you are praying. Don't worry if you don't know them, we ARE brothers and sisters in Christ, right?
Thanks for checking in. Check out the new pictures.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Thursday, May 18, 2006 3:10 PM CDT
The kids are officially out of school! Let summer begin. They are already playing with some friends in the pool.
Anabel did well at the clinic Tues. My mom took her so I could go with Caleb's class to Harn Homestead. They had a good time. I enjoyed being there with him doing regular mommy stuff and Jonathan slept peacefully in the front pack. I couldn't help remembering being there three years ago with all of the kids, including Daniel. Has it only been three years in July since he was diagnosed? Wednesday we went to a birthday party for Daniel's little girlfriend Anna Grace. She turned four. He was 8 months older than her but now forever three. It is funny what triggers tears. Seeing Anna Grace playing with her little cousin Will. He is four too. Their little feet, their little voices continually screamed at me that my boy was not here. I was driving to school to get the kids and heard on the radio a comercial for Cure Search. It starts out saying "Your son has Nueroblastoma" and then voice overs of words like chemotherapy, bone marrow transplant, etc. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I thought I would have to pull over and throw up. I'm sorry I'm being depressing, but this is literally my life, my daily thoughts. There is also the mingled thoughts of hope, joy, and thankfulness. I don't think it will ever get easier. I will just learn how to live with the pain.
"But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind [I can't forget my son for he is in my future :)]and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus...But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself." Philippians 3:13-14,20-21
My mom and I went to Fletcher's funeral Monday with Jamie, Cameron's mom. It was a service just the way Fletcher wanted it. He will be missed by so many. As I began to put Jonathan's shoes on that morning I remembered Fletcher seeing him at the clinic with shoes on. He said, "I never understood why babies had to wear shoes, they don't walk or anything." Therefore I did not put shoes on him, and in honor of Fletcher I will not make him wear shoes until he can walk. As Fletcher said, "Shoes are overrated." (I will occasionally let Jon where his green high tops in honor of Daniel. Fletcher did like Daniel's green high tops.)
As some of you know little Noah went to heaven last Friday. Please remember Fletcher and Noah's families when you pray. Also continue to pray for Christie and Kraleigh as they continue to fight this beast and our elephant loving friend Caleb, little Anna, life loving Brian, sweet Monica, sportsman Emory, and all of the wonderful kids and parents we have had the honor of meeting.
Have a fun filled, sun filled, giggly, joyful summer!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Thursday, May 11, 2006 11:39 AM CDT
(For those of you that know I only journal about once a week, you might want to check the journal history because this is the third time this week.)
Again, pray for Fletcher's family.
Also pray for Noah and Kraileigh. I don't want to list their websites here without their permission, but you can link to them by going to Cameron's site (below) and then to Xander's (for Kraileigh's). Let them know you are praying. It helps, even from strangers. They both have Neuroblastoma, Noah is on hospice care and Kraileigh is needing new chemo. Also remember Christi Thomas who is being treated at CHOP, also with NB. The chemo they are about to try is very hard. Pray for all these brave children and their precious parents. It has been a hard week at the clinic and I fight depression seeing all the relapses. I will not let my mind go to Anabel, but rejoice that she is doing well. There was a bright moment when a girl rang the bell Tuesday. I have never seen her, but obviously she has endured treatments there; reminding me I don't know everyone (or everything) and children ARE being healed.
Remember, hug your children extra tight and for a very loooong time!
"Come QUICKLY, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Wednesday, May 10, 2006 8:42 AM CDT
Sweet Fletcher entered complete bliss yesterday afternoon. Pray for his family. "Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." Mark 10:14-15
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Tuesday, May 9, 2006 5:10 PM CDT
Anabel got her chemo today and will take Prednisone and 6-MP all week. She also got Pentamidine, which is an antibiotic she gets once a month through her port. She doesn't feel very well when she gets it. In fact it seems to bother her more everytime she gets it. I'm glad it is only once a month. She is on the couch, but not feeling too bad.
Kay, Arlene, Debbie, Debbie, Donna, Brooke and Kevin spoiled the moms today. They had cosmetologists, a photographer, and even a massage student at the clinic to pamper us. There was a tea party, gifts, and door prizes. Thank you ladies for the wonderful day. You light up the clinic!
After clinic we rushed to the school to hear the boys' recitation. All of the kids did very well. I am amazed everyday at Joshua. He is changing and growing so much. I'm sure he will be taller than me by the end of summer. Please continue to pray for him. I miss that easy going smile that you see on the main page. Caleb's smile is always lighting up his face, it always starts with his eyes. Jonathan is also smiling more and more. He is growing and cooing, all the cute baby stuff. We all kiss and squeeze his little pudgy baby knees all of the time.
I am extremely sad to say Fletcher is not doing well at all. I don't think he will be here much longer. He has meant so much to so many people at the clinic. As Arlene said, he can be a friend with any age person. Even Daniel loved him. He'd say, "Hi, I'm Fletcher." Please pray for his mom, dad, and grandma. Tears are streaming down my face as I think of what they are going through at this very moment. It is gut-wrenching. There are no words. I don't know what Gayle's e-mail is but Kay and Arlene see them regularly. They were with him a lot today. If you would like to give them a note of sympathy or help with any costs, I would get it to either Kay or Arlene to give to them.
Hug your kids extra tight today. Laugh at their quirky ways. Don't yell about the clothes on the floor or the handprints on the wall. Don't pick at them constantly until every shred of individuality is gone. Watch them as they sleep and thank God for each deep breath they take.
"Come QUICKLY, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, May 7, 2006 10:20 PM CDT
"I will praise the Lord no matter what happens. I will constantly speak of His glories and grace. I will boast of all His kindness to me. Let all who are discouraged take heart. Let us praise the Lord together and lift His name high. I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed." Psalms 34: 1-5
Thank you Brenda, for reminding me of this verse.
There is a mother having to make similar decisions we had to make with her small boy with neuroblastoma. Please pray for Shelley and Noah. She loves God and trusts Him still. She is radiant. Pray for them during these hard times.
Anabel went with Tracy and got her shot all by herself last week. She gets the other chemos Tues. Since they will have to access her port, they will just give the Methotrexate through that instead of a shot. The kids are so ready for summer.
I had a nice time at our Titus 2 ladies group last week. My sister and I went together. It has been many months since I have been to any kind of study.. I am glad I went. I need the fellowship and truth from the Word. I am not the same as I once was. I do still believe and trust God, but have a hard time relating to people outside of the clinic. I used to be the first to sign up and even lead bible studies or groups. I'm afraid I've become quite cynical and I fight bitterness. If I have to be at the clinic every week, I wish I could help someone. I look at the mothers who are losing their children and know just what they are feeling, but am powerless to help them. The older I get, the less I know. Thank God, I don't have to have all the answers.
I want to share a journal entry I wrote in July of 2004. This was just a couple of weeks before we went to New York and found out the disease was spreading (although I had some idea that it was). I don't really know why I want to share it, I just do. July 6, 2004 "Two days and it will be a year since our lives changed forever. I've not been praying, only yelling at God lately. Where has all the trust, peace, and faith gone? Indescribable peace, comfort, even dare I say joy? That's what I had for many months-all but the last two. Knowing all would be well. Today, yes even today somehow I know all is well and will be, BUT I'm angry about it having to be in this circumstance. Daniel is not in remission as we hoped and faith and trust has never been so hard. God, you know I believe You can heal him. You can pick my house up and turn it upside down. You can make our dog speak French. The problem is not believing You are able to heal him. The problem is believing You are still a loving, merciful God if you don't. When did my son's illness become more important than Your son's death on the cross? I don't know, please forgive me for that. It is just hard, very very hard. And I'm sad, very very sad. I believe, please help my unbelief."
Now almost two years later, I can say I do believe God is merciful and I trust Him. There were many ways He showed His mercy and grace to us and Daniel in those last few months. And the best is yet to come.
Thanks for checking in on us. Please continue to pray for all our friends still fighting and for the families of those who have had their young ones go home before them.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Thursday, April 27, 2006 0:10 AM CDT
Anabel did great with her shot. She played her nintendog and was very excited to get a dollar. She said it just stung a little. Thank you God!
Monica was there. We haven't seen her in awhile. The girls both had their nintendogs and spent the whole time playing together. Monica is starting new medicine.
We saw Fletcher. Please pray for him. His platelets went down and he missed the chance to take the new meds from Dallas. He is spending most of his time painting. He is so mature and thoughtful for being just 11. Please pray for a new study or clinical trial that he can be a part of and that it works.
Thanks for praying about the shots!
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"
Monday, April 24, 2006 11:18 PM CDT
Anabel goes to the clinic in the morning. She has finished (I think) the Doxirubican. (I'm a little confused on this, I've heard two different things from two different Doctors) Upon finishing this she will begin weekly doses of Methotrexate. I thought this would be in pill form but learned last week it will be a shot. I have not told her yet. I knew she would worry about it all night. Please pray she will be okay with this. They should not hurt like the Asp shots she used to get but who would be excited about getting a shot every week for the next 67 weeks?! I'll let you know how it goes.
Jonathan weighs 12 pounds now and has grown an inch. He smiles all of the time and tries to coo.
We had an exciting night. After seeing the tornado in El Reno we decided to go to my sisters and wait the storm out. Tornadoes usually come to visit Piedmont after hitting El Reno. Fortunately, the storm traveled East and did not do any more damage that I know of. The kids were glad to play with their cousins. We took Tag and a couple of photo albums of Daniel with us, just in case. I am so thankful for my family. They are always on call 24-7 (or call us 24-7, which is okay, really). Whether it is to pick up the boys from school, watch the baby, clean my house, let me vent, or just say "hey, come over and let us spoil you". They are the greatest. I am so blessed to have them.
Well it is late and I think Jonathan is asleep for a few hours so I will go. Remember to pray about the shots. We will probably offer her a dollar for every shot she takes bravely. Yeah, we bribe our kids.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Friday, April 21, 2006 6:17 PM CDT
Anabel got chemo this week. She has done pretty well. She did much better during the spinal tap since they used propophal. It almost didn't happen though. Apparently insurance companies haven't been paying the anesthesiolgists. Maybe if they sat through a spinal tap or bone marrow aspirate with a child who doesn't sedate well they would change their mind about the need of anasthesia.
Today we found out she has a bladder infection so she is on oral antibiotics.
The kids are ready for summer.
Please pray for Fletcher. His platelets were not where they should be to start the new chemo. I'm not sure when or if he can start it. He is on pain management. Pray for his sweet mother and grandmother as well as his dad. They had a great time in New York City.
Thanks for checking in. It's been a tough week emotionally. I really have to gear myself up to go to the clinic. It is hard to be up beat and cheerful all of the time. These kids have been through so much and my heart breaks to see any of them suffer. There are always new ones coming in. Please pray I can be a source of hope and joy to them and not be full of self pity.
Friday, April 14, 2006 0:07 AM CDT
Clinic went well Tuesday. The nurses took turns passing Jonathan around. They can see Daniel in him. Anabel will get Propophal next week for the spinal tap. That is such a relief, such a huge relief! We saw Brian and Elena. It is always nice to visit with her. Brian's test turned out well. He is stable. Two other girls with NB did not have good results, Monica, who was diagnosed the same week as Daniel, and Kraleigh. The beast has grown some while they were on chemo. Please pray for these brave little girls and their parents. Fletcher and his family are in New York on vacation.
We watched Narnia tonight. I didn't see before just how much little Lucy looks like my Daniel. The same big eyes, turned up nose, and full lips. The same love for life. He is on the other side of the wardrobe, but it is there that is like minutes and here that goes for hours, days, years.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE!!! :)
I pray all will have a wonderful weekend, thanking Jesus for taking our place on the cross. Someday we will triumphantly say, "Death where is your sting, grave where is your victory." Thanks be to God.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Saturday, April 8, 2006 4:32 PM CDT
We just got back from the remembrance ceremony that OCCA puts on. It was very hard, but also a good thing. They had a slide show of pictures the families sent in as well as tables for more pictures or items from the children. I made a picture board and had Tag up there. Shirley, Mickey, Kathy, Pam, and Samantha were a part of it. It was very special. I got to see Deann which was nice. She is starting to show and is one of those very cute pregnant women. It was nice to see pictures of Cameron, Darren, and Emily. It is like a club that no one wants to be a part of.
Thursday, Jane Seymour (Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman), had the priviledge of meeting Anabel Grace Lehew. She came to read the kids her new children's books. Anabel, Fletcher and some other kids presented her with some of their paintings and books. Anabel practically read her own book to her, it was very cute. Jane said it was "splendid, brilliant". She was on the news on channel 25, 4, and 9. Hope everyone got to see her. I will post a picture of Anabel with Jane as soon as I can. I am posting this from my mom's house because our internet connection is not working right now.
We will be at the clinic Tuesday morning for Pentamidine. The following week is chemo week and she is due for a spinal tap. Please pray she will get to have Propophal (sp?). It is a sleepy medicine that has to be given by an anesthesiologist but it works so well. Also pray no cancer cells are present. We are on week 38, 70 more to go.
Please pray for Fletcher and go to www.caringbridge.org/ok/emoryhood This is Emory Hood's website. Laura did an excellent job describing Fletcher and his situation. (I hope it is okay to share your site Laura) You can also meet our friends the Hoods and add their family to your prayers. "Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Wednesday, March 29, 2006 7:47 PM CST
Anabel got her chemo yesterday. She giggles everytime Dr Meyer does her checkup. She says it tickles. She was very disappointed that she couldn't go to the dentist today. She loves to go to the dentist. They are a wonderful group of people. We had lunch with Kay, Arlene, Kevin, and Donna while we were at the hospital. It was nice to visit with them. We saw Emory who looks great and I talked with Fletcher for awhile. He is going to start a new chemo next week. He has such a great attitude and is so strong.
On the 8th the clinic is going to have a remembrance ceremony for all the kids who have gone on to heaven. We have sent pictures of Daniel for a slide show and will probably take tag with us. I think it will be good for all of us.
The kids are busy with school and Jonathan is busy growing.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus." Audra
Wednesday, March 22, 2006 4:21 PM CST
We are doing well. Anabel is getting geared up for chemo next week. Her face is still puffy from the last Prednisone. I guess since she is getting it more regularly her face and tummy may stay a little swollen. That is okay as long as we keep moving forward and get it over with. Please pray for her though, that she won't be discouraged by it. She hardly ever looks in the mirror. She was shocked to see how much hair she had. She ran in and said, "I have hair!" She is so funny.
Jonathan has gained 1 and a half pounds. I can't believe he is 1 month old. He is a little piglet!
I find myself seeing Daniel's pictures around the house and still feeling shocked that he is gone. It is a reality that I can't grab hold of, that I don't want to grab hold of. It's too terrible to be real and still too raw and painful. I have to keep reminding myself that reality is also that he is alive and well and waiting for us. Please keep praying, it hurts so bad.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Tuesday, March 14, 2006 4:41 PM CST
We have reached a milestone in Anabel's treatment. She doesn't have to go to the clinic next week! She is not due back until the 28th to get her chemo. Yippee, we are moving in the right direction. She will still be getting Doxirubican for awhile, but Dr. Meyer said we wouldn't be adding more weeks to her protocal, just changing it up a bit. Only 73 more weeks to go!
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for Joshua, we have made some decisions that will help him. He is already showing signs of relief.
We saw Elena, Brian, and Cody at the clinic. They all look great. Remember to visit their website and pray for them as they face the NB beast everyday.(Their website is below)
We also saw Morgan and her mom and brother. Mom has been under the weather and Morgan fell and hit her head. Platelets were in the safe zone but a head injury is a scary thing for cancer patients. You can go to visit and type in Morgan Thompson to "meet" them.
Cameron's mommy is going to shave her head Sunday to raise money for a cancer cure. Visit her site below to donate some money to this cause.
Our friend Emory is doing great. He had T-cell luekemia and relapsed while on treatment last year. He had a stem cell transplant and received his sister's stem cells. It is exciting to see him grow stronger every week and it has been a pleasure to meet his mom who has given me much insight, encouragement, and laughter as someone who has walked the road with T-Cell already.
There is a little boy at the hospital recently diagnosed with NB. He's very sick, I hear. Please pray the docs will find the thing that can beat this monster. How I hate it.
We haven't seen Fletcher since the art show. Please pray for this boy who is wiser than his years. He has relapsed for the fourth or fifth time. He told me he hoped all went well with the baby "you of all people deserve it". He of all people deserves to say goodbye to cancer once and for all and get on with living. He is the most resilient kid I've ever seen.
Hope everyone is having a good spring break.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Thursday, March 9, 2006 2:36 PM CST
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say ,rejoice! Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. THE LORD IS AT HAND; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7
When Daniel was first diagnosed and through the year and a half that followed I really understood these verses probably for the first time. I held onto them, quoted them, lived them. Since Anabel got sick I've struggled to believe or practice these verses. I know the difficulties of this disease and I know my other children are not immune to it. I am very worried about my other children. Anytime Caleb or Joshua complain about a tummy ache or have a bloody nose, any kind of problem actually, I immediately think they have cancer. I'm afraid for Jonathan as he grows to be two, the most common time NB is diagnosed. I know these verses are still the same and true, but I guess my fear is greater than my belief. Please pray I will live for only today, trusting God to care for our needs for that day and to enjoy the time I have with my kids to the fullest without pressing on their tummies constantly.
Anabel is on the couch with her chemo. She is doing pretty good. She groans every now and then and she just threw a pillow in disgust for some reason, but she has also talked to her brothers in a civil tone. That is a step in the right direction!
Jonathan is eating and growing. He is alert more and makes the cutest face by puckering his lips up like he's saying "ooo". He is such a sweetie and we are all enjoying him so much. There is still such a huge hole in my heart for my Danny boy.
Please pray for my oldest. The stress of the past few years is wearing on him. I don't know how to help him, other than pray and love him. I'm hoping to find an activity for him like swim team or something. His confidence is lacking these days. He's so competetive and athletic, maybe a sport will help. We constantly tell him he is loved and how proud we are of him, but that familiar spark and smiling face are not around as much as they used to be. How I miss the days when they were all under my roof all day.
Caleb is playing baseball and loving it. They canceled practice for today and he actually cried! He is wearing Papa and Daddy's arms out from playing catch.
Bobby is working hard. He's going to take a few days off work next week during spring break.
Well that is where we are at these days, I'll post again next week.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Wednesday, March 1, 2006 6:22 PM CST
Anabel is doing well. Her counts are good and she is full of spunk and energy. She will get chemo next week, hopefully having the baby here will help keep her spirits high.
"Mooo" I forgot just how often a newborn eats. It has been great though. Just sitting in a rocking chair and cherishing every minute with this little guy.
Jonathan is jaundiced so he is under the bili lights as well as on a bili blanket. Not a terrible thing, just inconvenient. His Bilirubin went down today but not quite enough to get out of the lights. The worst part is the heel stick he has to get everyday. He has very strong lungs! He is doing well for the most part, eating and pooping a lot! He has already gained 2 oz and is so strong. I can't wait to show him off.
I am trying to post more pictures, but for some reason they are gigantic again. I'll have to ask Bobby to do it.
I have missed Daniel so much this week. I don't know if it is because Jonathan looks so much like he did as a newborn or just all the maternal hormones racing through my body. I wish I could hear him say "how kee-yoot" (cute) about his baby brother. Someday.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Thursday, February 23, 2006 10:57 PM CST
We are enjoying little Jonathan so much. (After trying to call him Seth for a couple of days, we decided it just didn't work, so Jonathan it is) The kids can't get enough of him. He has Joshua's hair, Anabel's eyes (and long toes), Caleb's nose, and Daniel's lips. Bobby is going to post some pictures of him tomorrow, so check back.
The art show was great. Anabel's picture sold for $450! All of the kids did great and a lot of money was raised for the OCCA. Anabel was not feeling well even though we laid off the Prednisone that day. I guess she needs 24 hours to get it out of her system. She was a trooper though.
She went back to school Tuesday and declared it not as fun as last year. She's frustrated that she is a little behind and that she has homework. Please pray that she will not be so hard on herself. I know she will catch up in no time and even if she didn't (after all she's been through) who really cares. I am all for a good education, but there are so many things in life that are more important. I'm so proud of all of my kids. I wish they could get inside my head and know how wonderful I think they are.
Anyway, it is about time to feed the baby (I like saying that!).
"Come quickly Lord Jesus" Audra
Sunday, February 19, 2006 7:37 PM CST
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Jonathan Seth Lehew!!!!!
He was born at 9:26 this morning and is beautiful and doing great! We are all so thrilled and in awe of this tiny guy, what a miracle. He weighs 8 lbs. exactly and is 21 3/4" long! A pretty good size for being 2 1/2 weeks early. I hope to post a picture soon and details about the art show, but right now I'm just going to sit and enjoy our new baby boy.
Thank you God. Come quickly Lord Jesus, Audra
Wednesday, February 15, 2006 11:31 AM CST
We had a great visit at the clinic yesterday. The Valentine's party the ladies threw was wonderful. We even saw Anabel and Nana on channel 13's news at 6. We saw Fletcher and Brian who is getting tests this week. Please pray for him and his mom. It is such a stressful time especially knowing of the recent relapses. We also saw Kraleigh and her mom. She relapsed with NB last week and has begun chemo this week again. Pray for them as well as little Noah who relapsed with NB last weeek too. He had surgery Friday to remove a tumor from his brain. I ran into a mom I hadn't seen since Christmas. I always hope that is a good sign, but her teenage daughter died a week and a half ago. I remember them coming in for a routine checkup when I was there with Daniel. They thought he was adorable (and of course he was). What can I say? How can I comfort anyone of these mothers? Our only hope is in the Lord. Caleb, through tears asked me why God made sickness. I tried to help him understand that He didn't. It is just the state the world is in because of sin. I told him to remember what Jesus did on the cross to make it all right again and that someday we will see and feel that victory. I told him to remember we have a hope, it is our future and he could be sure of that. Then I have to ask myself, do I really believe that? Does my life reflect that? I have to say after weeks like this and seeing such pain and suffering in these precious children and their scared mom s and dads, I too ask childish questions. "I believe, help my unbelief". We are all looking forward to the baby and the art show Friday. Anabel got her chemo yesterday, but Dr. Meyer said it would be okay to not give her the Prednisone Friday so she would feel up to the art show.(she is already on the couch, moaning a little) He's such a great Dr. He seemed just as thrilled as us that Anabel has been feeling so well and he gave a thumbs up to her going back to school. I will forever be grateful for how he was there for us Daniel's last month.
Please sign the guestbook, we love to hear from you.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus" Audra
Saturday, February 11, 2006 12:35 AM CST
We are having a lazy weekend. I put the picture of Anabel from the "Friday" on the photo page. I picked up several copies.
Just wanted to mention a couple of Neuroblastoma kids that relapsed this week at Ou Medical Center. Please pray for Kraileigh and Noah as they begin chemotherapy again and for their parents. Again, relapse seems to be harder than an initial diagnosis. Please pray for God's healing and peace.
I was given a wonderful shower this week from our church. I was so overwhelmed by everyone's generousity. Carolyn Muse gave a beautiful devotional that I will cherish always and I am so thankful she made Daniel a part of it. Even though he is not here with us, he is still my son and we will see him again. I can't bear to have him not a part of every detail of our lives.
A little soapbox: I have heard the name of a particular supplement recently, one that I am familiar with. I have no problem with vitamins and healthy eating. Of course you are not going to feel well if you down cokes and burgers all day, BUT to say such powders and pills will actually heal or prevent disease I think is misleading and worse yet false hope. I have been to websites of certain supplements and find highly emotional stories instead of facts or data from actual studies. If these companies (some of which call themselves Christian) really want to help, I would think they would invest the time to compile data from their "patients", the good and the bad. To give some idea of who has been helped and who was not; who only took the supplements and who took them in combination with routine medical care. If these companies are only going to give me "stories" that make me emotionally vulnerable, I have to question their motive. ($$$) Health care professionals have to aquire data. They have to tell you-this percent received full remission, this percent had partial reduction, this percent died. They give you information you need which you take before the throne knowing God is able to far exceed and handle. If supplements are part of the conviction, then great, but let's not elevate them to "Miracle Cures". There is only one who preforms miracles and He is not limited to how He does it! I feel for our Drs. who are portrayed by some as money or power hungry. Do people not remember how many children died from numerous diseases every year before vaccinations? A death of a child was the norm, but because of God's common grace to all man, He gave the knowledge to create a way to diminish these diseases. When offered a supplement when my son's cancer began spreading I asked specifically if they knew other children with Neuroblastoma who had taken this and survived. They had no answer except, but this could be God's way of healing your son. I looked it up and found nothing on NB only feel good stories of people I could not contact. Well, now I know of three NB kids who died while taking it (my son included), and others who have relapsed. Help you feel better, pump up your immune system? Sure.--Heal you, make it all go away? I think it's just modern day snake oil salesmen.
We went to the clinic yesterday for more art fun, at least that is why Anabel went. Her counts are great for being two weeks after chemo. We've decided after this next dose of chemo (which she will probably get next week) she will go back to school. She has not been neutropenic for over a month now, so we feel pretty safe. After this next dose she will no longer get Doxirubican which usually is the culprit for low counts. She can't wait to be with her friends all day and the school seems excited to have her back and willing to work with her schedule. The art show "Art With A Heart" will be held Feb. 17th at 7:00 at the OKC Museum of Art. Tickets are $25 and can be purchased by calling 840-5522. There is an article with her picture in the "Friday" newspaper. I think you can get one at locations in Nichol's Hills and Edmond. You can also pull it up online. If you find one let me know where you got it. That is about all that is going on. Please continue to pray for Christi Thomas as she recovers from her latest round of chemo. (look at previous journal entries for her website) Also for Brian Briscoe as he goes through tons of tests next week and they decide which step to take next and for Fletcher.
Hello all, Anabel is doing great! Her counts are fine (of course they don't drop until about 2 weeks after chemo). She got chemo last week and was on the couch for most of it. By Sunday, though, after the last dose of Prednisone she began to perk up. She is running around and playing. Such a contrast to the last 10 months of her life! She and some buddies had their pictures taken with their paintings for the art show. There will be an article in the Friday newspaper next week. The art show will be at the OK Museum of Art downtown on Feb. 17th. She is so excited. I saw her painting for the first time yesterday and had to hold back tears. It has a beautiful tree and the silohuettes (sp?) of two people looking into the sky at a light coming from behind a cloud. She says the light is heaven. The title of the painting is "Hope". She did a great job as did Emory (Hawaiian Sunset), Rueben (a beautiful flower), and Fletcher (the coolest dog). These kids are very talented. She loves going to the clinic on Tues. and seeing Kay, Arlene, and their gang. It is hard to get her to leave! I enjoy seeing them too and visit with the other mothers. I'm afraid I say too much sometimes and hopefully never discourage anyone.
Sorry I don't talk about the baby much on this site, there are just too many weirdos out there.
Check the pictures, I'm going to try to put some new ones on. There is a little girl with Neuroblastoma that is not doing well. The cancer is spreading at a rapid rate, despite all the treatments. She is hurting and the family is discouraged, rightfully so. Please join me in asking God for a miracle. You can visit her site at wwwchristithomas.blogspot.com. For those who are not familiar with the disease, they explain the whole situation very well. They even have a picture of an image from a MIBG scan. One of the scans that NB kids frequently have to have. I say this so you can see the devastating image these parents saw and have compassion for them. We know God is able and we also know He is good no matter what.
"And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not your teachers be removed into a corner any more, but your eyes shall see thy teachers: And your ears shall hear a voice behind you, saying, THIS IS THE WAY, WALK IN IT, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left." Isaiah 30:20-21
"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers,of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened BEYOND OUR STRENGTH that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had recieved the sentence of death. But that was to make us RELY NOT ON OURSELVES but on God who raises the dead." 2 Corinthians 1:8-9
Jesus Raises Lazurus Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die...When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, 'Where have you laid him?' They said to him,' Lord come and see.' Jesus wept." John 11;25-26, 33-35
These passages give me comfort. Knowing I am not able to handle everything that comes my way, but that I can rely on God who raises the dead. The fact that Jesus wept is a comfort too. He knew he was about to raise Lazurus from the dead, yet He still wept. I think he wept because of the pain that this death and all future deaths would cause. He wept because of the fallen world we live in, brought about by sin, and He came to make it all right. "Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:4-5 Thank you God for a future and a hope; for miracles on Earth and for the promise of heaven.
Anabel got her chemo yesterday. She is starting to feel kind of yucky, but we are keeping in mind it will be better on Sunday when she gets off the Prednisone. She was downright giddy at the clinic Tuesday. She made several pieces out of clay. Some of them were candies and chocolates which Kay is going to put in a candy box to sell at the art show. Thank you Arlene for teaching her so much about art. We love you Kay, Arlene, and Debbie and appreciate all the time you give to the kids at the clinic.
I found out recently that a precious little girl (2 or 3 yrs. old) went to heaven I believe before Christmas. We had roomed with her last year while getting chemo. Please pray for this young sweet family. They have two little boys. It hurts so much to lose a child. Even though we know the promises of God, the pain is still suffocating at times. The hole as Jamie and DeAnn have said, will never go away and the promises seem too far away to be much comfort as we drudge through each day. It is amazing how much love you can have and how much impact a life can have on you in just three short years.
My friend Jamie whose son Cameron is in heaven with Daniel is going to shave her head to raise money for children's cancer research. It is an event called St. Baldrick's Day. She is an amazing woman. I have her website link below and this is the event website if you are interested in helping. www.stbaldricks.org/location_detail.asp?citycode=USOKO06
"Come quickly Lord Jesus" Audra
Saturday, January 21, 2006 5:14 PM CST
"For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you. I will bring you back from captivity." Jer. 29:11
To believe this, I have to remember not all of God's promises are for this world. This flesh, this home, these troubles are not all there is. A hope and a future does not mean a BMW in the driveway or a swimming pool in the backyard. It does not mean healthy children who always overcome temptation or friends who always say the right thing. No, He has much more for me. Much more than anything this world has to offer. Daniel is experiencing it. I'll see you soon buddy, but not soon enough.
Anabel is doing well. She is in the sunroom jumping rope and dancing! She has not been this active in a while. I'm praying that her appendix was causing most of her trouble these past few months and that future chemo will be more tolerable. She didn't get it again this weeek, her platelets were too low. Dr. Meyer said sometimes zantac can do that. We've taken her off it and so far the tummy seems okay. We go back Tuesday and try again.
At the clinic I had another sniper attack. We were in the art room and in walks a daddy with a little bald toddler with big blue eyes. His sweet little voice and happy smile were more than I could stand. All the memories of being there with Daniel seemed to crash upon me. I totally fell apart running off to the bathroom, trying not to let out the wail until I was behind the closed door. I had a good cry, gathered myself, and made it back to the art room. I haven't quite recovered though. It's been a hard week emotionally and physically. I'm so swollen and tired and I feel like the baby could just fall out!
Anyway, exciting news-Anabel is going to be a featured artist for an art show to benefit OCCA. She will be paired up with an artist tomorrow. They will create a piece of art that will be auctioned off Feb. 17th at the OKC Museum of Art. We will be transported by limo for the event. I'll get more details later. She's very excited.
Thanks for checking in. "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, January 21, 2006 5:14 PM CST
"For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you. I will bring you back from captivity." Jer. 29:11
To believe this, I have to remember not all of God's promises are for this world. This flesh, this home, these troubles are not all there is. A hope and a future does not mean a BMW in the driveway or a swimming pool in the backyard. It does not mean healthy children who always overcome temptation or friends who always say the right thing. No, He has much more for me. Much more than anything this world has to offer. Daniel is experiencing it. I'll see you soon buddy, but not soon enough.
Anabel is doing well. She is in the sunroom jumping rope and dancing! She has not been this active in a while. I'm praying that her appendix was causing most of her trouble these past few months and that future chemo will be more tolerable. She didn't get it again this weeek, her platelets were too low. Dr. Meyer said sometimes zantac can do that. We've taken her off it and so far the tummy seems okay. We go back Tuesday and try again.
At the clinic I had another sniper attack. We were in the art room and in walks a daddy with a little bald toddler with big blue eyes. His sweet little voice and happy smile were more than I could stand. All the memories of being there with Daniel seemed to crash upon me. I totally fell apart running off to the bathroom, trying not to let out the wail until I was behind the closed door. I had a good cry, gathered myself, and made it back to the art room. I haven't quite recovered though. It's been a hard week emotionally and physically. I'm so swollen and tired and I feel like the baby could just fall out!
Anyway, exciting news-Anabel is going to be a featured artist for an art show to benefit OCCA. She will be paired up with an artist tomorrow. They will create a piece of art that will be auctioned off Feb. 17th at the OKC Museum of Art. We will be transported by limo for the event. I'll get more details later. She's very excited.
Thanks for checking in. "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Thursday, January 12, 2006 5:47 PM CST
If you are just checking in today, you may want to read the previous journal entry for details.
We finally went to surgery at around 2pm. It went well and the surgeon said her appendix was definitely infected and needed to come out. Hopefully this has been the cause of her pain and nausea these last few months. They (the stickler for routine, who will remain anonymous) would not do an LP (and no I didn't sit on anyone). I am okay with it though, because Dr McNall said the LDH was high because of something which I can't explain. More of a lab thing instead of a blood thing. Anyway, we are glad that no disease was found in her chest, abdomen, or pelvis and look forward to her feeling better. She is a little sore, but resting now while she waits for Daddy to bring her Mountain Trout from Texas Roadhouse. She informed me he was the best Daddy and husband in the world and we both decided I would have a Daddy test for anyone that might want to woo her. I'm not sure when we will go home, but hopefully soon.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus" Audra
Thursday, January 12, 2006 9:44 AM CST
Tuesday at clinic Anabel's platelets were still too low for chemo. Her ANC and Hemoglobin are still great. I talked with the Dr about her back, stomach, and head. He ordered an X-ray and a CAT scan. The X-ray looked fine. The Cat scan did not show enlarged lymph nodes, but her appendix was larger than normal. That is fine with me, as long as it IS truly her appendix. We were admitted last nights for antibiotics and she will have laproscoptic (SP) surgery to remove it sometime this morning. They are not positive it is infected, but since she is having pain and it is enlarged they want to get it out. Hopefully this has been the cause of all her pain these past few months. I'm trying to talk them into doing an Lumbar Puncture since she will be completely anesthesized. Common sense I think since she doesn't do conscious sedation well and therefore the last LP she moved and they got too much blood in the spinal fluid so they couldn't read it. NO BRAINER Mrs. Resident!!! But what do I know. We'll see who wins. I've been threatening to sit on people lately, maybe that would work. The reason I want them to do this is her LDH level is high and of course the reocurring lower back and head pain. I will post later after the surgery. An exciting note. We have decided to save the cord blood when the baby is delivered. If Anabel were to relapse (God help us) she would need a stem cell transplant from another donor. (Analogous) Cord blood is rich in stem cells and the best matches are usually from siblings. When I called to register for the collection and storing I told them about Anabel's condition. The lady said because Anabel has NHLymphoma we would not be charged! It was going to cost around $2000 plus $150 a year to store it. Thank you God for providing again. Thanks for the birthday wishes and to Shannon for bringing us lunch to the clinic. No small task when you have three small ones with you. I'm trying to remind myself I'm 34 even though I feel 64!
Don't forget to look at the pictures!
"Come quickly Lord Jesus" Audra
Friday, January 6, 2006 11:25 AM CST
Our first week of the New Year started with Anabel running a fever (thankfully her ANC was high enough-no hospital visit), Caleb, Joshua, and Bobby having tummy trouble, and then Joshua sprained his ankle. He is in an air cast and thinks these next two weeks will be the longest of his life. Sometimes you just have to laugh.
Anabel didn't get her chemo because her platelets were not quite high enough. She is happy though because now she can go to her best friends birthday party. We will go to the clinic Tuesday to see if she can get it then. We are so excited that her white count stayed so high after the last chemo. She has felt really good, although it seems like three weeks after chemo her back and head hurt more often and she throws up more. I don't really understand this and I'll feel better after she has another CAT scan to show no cancer still.
There are several books that have helped me recently to keep the right perspective. I thought they may be helpful to others who are trying to understand what we are going through or just don't know what to say to us. "Affliction" by Edith Schaeffer "From Grief To Glory" by James W. Bruce "Treasures In Darkness" by Sharon W. Betters "A Path Through Suffering" by Elisabeth Elliot
Here is an example from Edith Schaeffer's book "Affliction" "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12 "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15 "As you weep in the midst of this terrible shock-this awful tribulation of separation, this cutting off of any possible communication which could help you understand what has happened-you should be joined by others who really weep with you. The weeping is right. The weeping is needed. The weeping is to be shared. The patience to be displayed is patience on the part of the stronger one toward the one that is more crushed. There is no room for pride or pious speculations as to what has brought on this particular 'tribulation'. Not one of us can tell the answer to why. When we are plunged into personal tragedy, sorrow, and tribulations, it is a wonderful opportunity to trust the Lord and His love and to ask for His help in being patient in a growing way. But there is also a constant urgent need for us to learn how to be patient with other people who are in the midst of some kind of tribulation. Our patience is not supposed to be measured in minutes or hours or days. We are not meant to put a limit on our patience with others who need our comfort and help. Other people's tribulations should increase our patience with them, rather than causing us to grow hardened."
I will try to post new pictures.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Sunday, January 1, 2006 11:05 PM CST
Another year has begun. Bobby and I are tired just thinking about it. One day at a time though, that is all we need to do. We are definitely struggling and need your prayers. Bobby gave me my most treasured Christmas present. An I-Pod. Those of you who know me well are probably laughing because I am not a computer-technical-gadget person at all. It is most treasured though, because it has all of the video and pictures of Daniel from the last year of his life. Alot of the video I have never even seen and wasn't present when it was taken, which makes it extra special. There is plenty of room for video of his birth and on which he will put on it later. I can carry it with me at all times and see my boy whenever I want. My husband makes me the most spoiled and blessed woman on the face of the Earth and I thank God everyday for his love. Anabel gave me a book mark she made that says, "We won't cry when we float into the sky." She started complaining of her back hurting on Friday again. It and her head have hurt off and on since then and she has felt more nauseous. Still she is doing well, but I am concerned. We'll talk to the Doc. on Tues. before she gets her chemo. She will also have an echocardiogram done to make sure the Doxirubican has not harmed her heart. She just has two more rounds of that and then she'll go on maintainence (or continuation) treatment. A nurse at the clinic gave me a song by Brad Paisley (again my friends are laughing because I'm not a big country music fan). She said it made her think of Daniel. It is called "When I Get Where I Am Going". First of all I was touched that she thought so much of us, but when I listened to it, I new God was helping me know Daniel was indeed okay and well looked after. (I know God loves him more than me and he is fine, but the heart doesn't always listen to reality. And since I've been struggling with this issue for some time and crying out to God about it, I figure He can comfort me even with a country music song.) Anyway, one line says, "I will walk with my Grandaddy and he will match me step for step" Now, Bobby's dad passed away about eleven years ago so he is in heaven with Daniel, but why this line is even more fitting is that Grandpa Lehew's legs had been amputated due to Diabetes. Now in heaven he is able to walk with Daniel and match him step for step. Actually, I bet they are both running. I am thankful for that visual and can't wait until I actually see it with my own eyes. Please pray for our friends who have lost their sons to Neuroblastoma and for those who are entering another year of treatments. New Years is not a party for everyone. "But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." 1 Cor. 2:9 "Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Tuesday, December 27, 2005 6:43 PM CST
We had a good Christmas, although I am glad it is over. The kids had a blast, but Bobby and I struggled to get through it. We spent Christmas Day at my cousins with my Dad's brothers and their children. We are very blessed to have such a big and close extended family. Anabel is feeling better than she has in a long time, even months before she was diagnosed. She spent a lot of time on the 4 wheeler with her Daddy and she played football with her brothers and cousins. At the clinic today we found out her counts are still very good. We hope this is a new trend for her. Next week she will be due for another round. Looking at the New Year I have to admit I feel very tired. I am praying for strength and patience for each day and joy knowing I'll see my son again to get me through. "A correct view of afflictions is altogether necessary to a Christian demeanor under them; and that view is to be obtained only by faith, not by sense; for it is the light of the Word alone that represents them justly." Thomas Boston, an 18th century Scottish minister who saw two of his five children laid in the churchyard. "We walk by faith and not by sight." 2 Cor. 5:7
If you have only been to this sight recently and not had the honor of reading my husbands journal through Daniel's illness, I ask you to go to bwl.blogspot.com and then on the left go to the archives to Oct. '03. This should pull up an entry called "Living the Daniel Way". Whether you've read it before or not, I ask you to read it in honor of Daniel.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Thursday, December 22, 2005 11:28 AM CST
On the journal entry from yesterday I forgot to thank Elena's friends from Altus, First Baptist Church of Piedmont, and Mrs. Harley's friends for the gifts and Heritage Pres. Church for the continued meals. You have ministered to our family with your generosity, prayers, and love. Thank you.
New pictures.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005 9:18 PM CST
"I am happy in spirit, but the flesh is sorrowful and will not be content; the parting grieves me beyond measure." Martin Luther
"Ah regard a mother's moan! Anguish deeper than thine own." Hetty Wesley
Today we went to the clinic. Anabel's counts are wonderful and she is feeling great. Please continue to pray they will stay good. She usually bottoms out 2 weeks after chemo which will be the 27th.
We had a very emotional time at the clinic. A lot of tears and a lot of fun. Coach Bob Stoops and some of his team members came to the clinic. There was a party for them, to thank them for all they do for the kids. Anabel got a hat signed by them all and she sat around the craft table with all of these huge football players, talking to them like she'd known them for years. They had her sign their hats too. I showed Daniel's video to the nurses, Drs., Danny Cavett, and Santa Claus. I wanted to show them the year and a half of treatment was more good than bad. I think they really appreciated it, they laughed as they recognized "tag" and Daniel's little ways. Everyone at the clinic was supportive and encouraging, but our emotions are tender as we remember what was going on last year at this time. Mom fell apart when she saw Morgan clinging to Santa. She loves her so much and says something about Morgan reminds her of Daniel. During the party they played a video showing Coach Stoops with a lot of the patients. It was very sweet, but then the song "You've Got A Friend In Me" was played. This is Daniel's song, and Anabel and I fell apart. We both sat in a corner together crying our eyes out. Another sniper attack. After many hugs and pats we were able to rejoin the party. As I said Santa was there. And I do mean Santa, not just because he looks the part, but because he carries on the true spirit of Saint Nicholas. As long as he and other men like him are around Santa still exists. He visited and sat with a little girl this weekend who did not make it. His own daughter had cancer and thankfully is doing well now.
We want to thank the many people who generously gave to our family this year. Those in North Carolina whom we have never met, Vice Presidents from Express Personnel Services, and many people from the clinic. Thank you for remembering us at this time of year. We appreciate your prayers and support.
I ask you to remember Cameron and Darren's families, also the family of Cody Brown who went to heaven a year before Daniel also from Neuroblastoma. They were expecting twins, but now those babies are in heaven with their big brother. And lastly our friend from the clinic whom we got to know as he played with Daniel at the clinic. He is eleven and has relapsed for the second or third time. 6 weeks ago there was no disease, but last week they found it had come back. He is the bravest boy I have ever met next to Daniel. I know he and his family are tired and probably discouraged. Please remember to pray for them, cry out to the Lord for them.
We hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Holyday, or whatever you call it, but mostly we pray the truth and love of God would overwhelm you this year like no other.
New pictures posted, (but still giant).
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" Audra
Sunday, December 18, 2005 1:32 AM CST
He was the music of our home, A day that knew no night. The fragrance of our garden bower A thing all smiles and light.
Above the couch we bent and prayed In the half-lighted room, As the bright hues of infant life Sank slowly into gloom.
The form remained; but there was now No soul our love to share; Farewell, with weeping hearts, we said, Child of our love and care.
But years are moving quickly past, And time will soon be o'er; Death shall be swallowed into life On the immortal shore.
Then shall we clasp that hand once more, And smooth that golden hair; Then shall we kiss those lips again, When we shall meet him there.
- Horatio Bonar (1875)
Thursday, December 15, 2005 12:59 AM CST
Anabel got her chemo Tuesday. She had a little cold and I was afraid they may hold off until she got over it. Her platelets were still under the 100K mark, but the Drs didn't want to wait any longer. Her ANC was over 2000 and her hemoglobin 11.9! I was so excited to hear those numbers. Maybe she won't crash so bad this time since she had such good numbers. I expect she'll need platelets, but that doesn't usually affect how she feels. The terrible L-Asp shots are over! She did great, no tears at all. We find it funny that we finally found the trick to getting through it on the last two. For those who need to know-Use EMLA cream (of course), AND freezy spray. Also play Game Boy or Nintendo DS and as Anabel says Focus, Focus, Focus on the game. I was very proud of her. Her lower back has still been hurting off and on so Dr Saxena had an ultrasound and X-ray of her kidneys done. Both tests came back normal and I am so thankful. He said if it persists we can do a CAT scan. I'm glad he's being cautious. We were at the clinic all day, from 9am to almost 5pm. It wasn't too bad. Trevor Duhon's high school came to visit and play with the kids. It was great to see Anabel at a table with Fletcher and Monica and all these high schoolers playing a huge game of Candyland.
I ask you to please pray for one of the boys at the clinic. Like Anabel his lower back was hurting so they did the same tests. His did not come back fine. They saw something and would do a CAT scan the next day (yesterday). They are hoping it is just scar tissue, but just knowing there is something makes every parent just want to crumble. Why? Why just a week from Christmas? I just wanted to cry as I saw he and Anabel playing with some toys together. He said "if it has come back I'll get through it. I'll do more chemo or surgery, just someone needs to help my mom." Please, please pray for this brave boy and his mother that there is only scar tissue and the cancer never comes back. I am coming to know and love so many families at the clinic. Please pray for them all.
Anabel will finish her Prednisone Saturday night. So far she is doing pretty well. She hurts some and her cheeks are a little swollen and very red. Please pray she will not begin to hallucinate this time and of course that she has no fever. Thanks to Joshus's science project we can anticipate that her ANC will be at its lowest right around Christmas.
The kids and I put up the tree Monday while Daddy was at a bible study. He has been having a hard time lately. He didn't want all the familiar ornaments on the tree this year so we got some silver balls and of course a special ornament for each of the kids from Hobby Lobby. Anabel chose a cross for Daniel. The house is not all decked out, but the kids don't seem to mind. Sunday will mark a year since we saw him last. We will spend the day at my mom and dad's looking at pictures and watching video. Anabel is very comfortable being sick at my mom's, I just can't believe we are going on three Christmases with cancer in our house. I won't even go there, I can't comprehend it. I still have such a hard time accepting that Daniel is fine and happy. I know it in my mind. I know God is more than able to care for him, but as a mother it is so unnatural to have your child someplace you've never seen. To know you can't check on him and make sure he is okay. It's kind of like that feeling when you count heads and someone is not there. Your stomach flips and you frantically look around. I know this sounds absurd, I know he is fine and doesn't need me, but it is,( was) my job to know what he is doing every moment of the day. I'm having a hard time letting go of that. It is one thing to know something and quite another to know it while feeling such strong emotions. It is a battle and I ask everyone for patience as we still struggle and grieve. You can't have any idea unlesss you've been there. I thought this would probably get easier the more time went by. It isn't. In a lot of ways it is worse. The incredible shock and numbness is gone. As reality sets in so does the pain. I am comforted when I think of songs like "It is Well With My Soul". This was written by a man who lost a son and then planned a sea voyage with his wife and four daughters. He had to stay back and would meet them later. The boat his wife and daughters was on sank. All four daughters died. As he and his wife later sailed over that spot he wrote the words to that great song of faith. The other song is "Great is Thy Faithfulness" which we sang at Daniel's funeral. Reading about Jeremiah, I found the verse from which that song was written. Lamentations 3:22-23 "his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Jeremiah wrote this from a pit of mire. He knew God and what he believed, but several verses earlier full of sorrow he wrote "though I call and cry for help, he shuts out my prayer...my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say my endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord." I have nowhere near the faith these men do, but to know they too struggled with sorrow and maybe even doubt helps me know it is possible to believe but still have intense pain, questions, and fears.
I know this is terribly long, but lastly-go see Narnia and when you do, at the part near the end when the witch asks Aslan if he would keep his promise and he roars so loudly it knocks her off her feet, yell "Woo hoo" for Daniel. Jesus always keeps his promises and Daniel is experiencing them all this Christmas.
"Come quickly, Lord Jesus." Audra
Saturday, December 10, 2005 0:11 AM CST
What a week we had. Last Friday we had six little girls in our home for Anabel's birthday and tonight we had nine big boys,( four of them are still here ) for Joshua's birthday. Today Kay, Debbie, and Arlene threw a puppy dog tea party for Anabel. It was amazing. They really went all out. My mom and sister, my cousin Stephanie, and a friend from church came along with nurses and Drs. popping in and out. These ladies went crazy. They had the craft room all decked out in lime green and hot pink with puppy pictures every where. There were little box purses at every place setting along with tea cups. They had cotton candy, cupcakes, dog bone cookies, cream puffs, and pink lemonade. It was incredible. I had no idea they were going to do so much. I hadn't anticipated such a big party with crafts and gifts and everything. I poorly planned my day and had to leave early to pick up the boys and all Joshua's friends from school. Anabel was able to stay with my mom and sister, but I felt like such a bad mom for leaving early. I used to be much better at juggling everything. Anabel had a wonderful time though and that is all that matters. They decorated dog collars and gave her gifts from make a bear. They sang songs and dressed up in fancy hats and boas. Anabel felt so special. I just can't say enough about these ladies. They are so generous with their time and resources. If you are reading this, thank you, thank you, thank you Kay, Arlene, and Debbie for all you did and continue to do for Anabel and all the kids at the clinic. You are amazing ladies.
I also want to say thank you to Laura for the beautiful clothes. Anabel loves them!
These last two weeks have been very busy and I've been so preoccupied with birthdays. It's been good. I'm afraid after tomorrow I'm not going to do anything but think about last year at this time. We haven't put our tree up yet. We usually do it the day after Thanksgiving. Last year Daniel helped us and he felt pretty good. We have some video of it. Then not three weeks later he died just a foot away from it. How can I look at the tree glowing in the dark and not think of that? How can I see Santa in the mall or go look at Christmas lights and know that was the last good day we had with him. He showed us his magic trick and sang and danced for us as we drank hot chocolate. If it was not for the purpose of this holiday, CHRISTmas, I would have no hope at all. How sad for others in this world who don't have this hope. Who have nothing better to do than try to take Christ out of the season. The truth is Santa, decorated trees, presents, lighted candles, and dreidls although beautiful are just fluff, not lasting and therefore no one really has a problem with them. But, put a baby in a manger and say "God is with us", now we are talking about the gospel and it is offensive. "Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense; and whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame." Romans 9:33
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Revelations 21:4
Sunday, December 4, 2005 6:20 PM CST
We just got back from the clinic Christmas party. It was nice to see everyone outside of the clinic having a good time. We saw Morgan who looked beautiful. Macie and Anabel talked and did crafts together. Her hair is coming in so nicely. Xander was full of energy sword fighting with his little brother. Monica was stylish as usual. Joshua and Daddy had a hard time being there. Last year we were there with Daniel. He loved seeing "Ho Ho". It was nice to go, but good to leave and put another holiday party behind us.
Anabel had her birthday party this weekend. She had five girls over and they had a great time. She looks good and is feeling well most of the time. Her hair has come out again, thanks to radiation, but she just ran around without her hat like nothing. We will go to the clinic Tuesday to see if she is ready to get chemo.
Joshua's school had their science fair Friday. He used Anabel's blood counts from the last six months to graph the ups and downs of blood cells caused by chemo. His title was "Blood Vs. Chemo". He did a very good job and came in first place! He was very proud as were we.
I've been putting Daniel's pictures in photo albums. I'm getting close to his diagnosis and I'm not sure I will be able to hold it together. Well I know I won't. It has been good to see him from birth and all the good times before cancer was a part of our life. It's also been hard to come face to face with that life we all knew as normal and know it is gone. So much is different now, and will never be the same.
I was thinking about how happy and loved Daniel was. And thinking about all the people in the world who are not loved or cared for, let alone happy. When Daniel got radiation we came at the same time as an inmate from prison. He'd come in with chains on his hands and feet. I silently watched as this man was led into the radiation room and unchained to recieve his treatment. He would be led out and would be frisked and chained again. He looked humiliated and hopeless. Instead of feeling afraid or wondering what crime he had committed, I found myself wanting to weep and adverting my eyes to help reduce the shame you could see all over his face. I prayed for that man and wondered if he ever sat in a loving mother's lap. If he had someone who loved him now or even ever! Looking at my sick son, knowing his chances were not great from a human's perspective, I knew he was a very blessed boy. He had at that point almost three years of constant love and care and an eternity of incredible bliss before him. Did this man ever know he was loved? Did he know God himself put on flesh to live as a man and suffer and die and raise again to beat death forever for such a man as him? From time to time I think of this man and know the real tragedy is not that a little boy got cancer and died, but it would be if this man died and never knew of God's love. I'm not sure why I am writing this except I know we are blessed and heaven is very real to us and I want as many people as possible to know about it.
Lastly, please pray for Darren and Cameron's families as they face this first Christmas without their sons. As much as we know they are in heaven happy and whole, the pain is still unbearable. Like someone put so well "It is like a sniper attack" from out of nowhere you are hit and wounded.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus" Audra
Tuesday, November 29, 2005 4:04 PM CST
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We spent everyday last week playing and being together. Sat. we had my family over to watch the big game. Anabel teased her brothers with the picture of her and Bob Stoops. (They are OSU fans). Go OU! We went to the clinic today and Anabel's counts are still too low for chemo. She was thrilled because now she will feel good enough to go to the clinic party on Sunday. We will also have her birthday party this weekend. I can't believe she will be 9! Hopefully she will get it next week so she can recover by Christmas. I am reading a book by Edith Schaeffer called Affliction. So far it has been great to help me keep the right perspective. It has helped to hear of trials other christians have endured, I don't feel so alone and faithless. She says, "How God gives strength to keep on loving and trusting the Lord -is a story that has been repeated throughout the history of God's own people. Such grace is given for a crisis moment, and it does not mean that anyone is free from low periods of depression and recurrent agony from time to time. We must not expect each other to float above the reality of lonliness and wondering, 'What if...?'."
I am trying to post new pictures, I'm not the most computer literate person in the world so it may take some time.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus." Audra
Thursday, November 24, 2005 10:29 AM CST
Reasons to be thankful:
My husband: Bobby is the greatest man I have ever met. He is patient, funny, gentle but strong, our spiritual leader, easy going, incredibly smart, and he still makes my heart skip a beat. He has protected me from the cruel realities of lack of available treatments, the harshness of the disease Daniel battled, and cruel funeral plans. He protects me, yet doesn't make me feel weak or childish. He is my knight in shining armor and my very best friend.
Joshua: My oldest, almost twelve, who is becoming more of a man every day. He is like his Grandpa Lehew, he never met a man he didn't like. Joshua makes friends wherever he goes (I mean all over the country!) He appreciates people for who they are, people Jesus died for. He doesn't judge them or feel intimidated by them either. He is so gifted athletically and creatively (music, drama, speaking) although he hasn't been given the opportunity yet to shine. These things have had to take a back seat these past few years, but he hasn't complained. This boy has been introduced to school (we home schooled before), watched his little brother suffer and die, hear his mom sob every night, and now see his sister afflicted with cancer all in less than a year. He could teach many adults a few things about excelling in adversity.
Anabel: This determined, confident girl. She is in remission. She is so creative and gifted. She is quick to learn and sharp as a tack. Not many things get passed her and she will let you know if you have made a mistake. She has this very unique sense of humor that is enjoyable to most adults.She is also tender and sweet, quick to share or even give her toys. I look forward to seeing her grow into a confident young woman who will give her brothers a run for their money.
Caleb: He enters the room and you just have to smile. He is funny even without trying.. An easy going kid with a heart as big as Texas. He is the first to say "you look pretty mommy", or bring me a pretty flower or rock. At seven he still crawls into my lap and lets me snuggle with him. He has an abundance of energy, but is quick to see others who have a need. His name means bold and faithful. He is both of these things. He's often the first to walk in a dark room or or go up to a cashier and order something. He has many times encouraged my faith as he says he wants to cry sometimes but he knows Daniel is happy now.
Daniel: My little hero. My companion 24-7. My other best friend. He just wanted to play and would many times in spite of feeling sick or hurting. He knew he was not at his real "home" even in our house. He knew it was time to go there. Just a huge ray of sunshine that is indefinately gone from this world. He had the biggest lips and would smack me on the mouth like he just loved me too much. He saw others in pain physically or emotionally and would comfort them. He loved to play with "the kids" at church. He loved his "tag", his blanket, which he was never without and his thumb that went right along with it.It brings me comfort now at night since he is with the true comforter. He loved his Nana and Papa, Aunt Tammy and Uncle "Teve" and made sure everyone was included. He loved his big brother with whom he slept with at night, his sister who was his second mommy, and his other brother who was becoming his best buddy. He is still alive!
Baby: Who is still unamed although we are thinking about Seth and Isaac. Seth was the name Eve gave her third son after she lost Able. It means appointed. Isaac means laughter or "you will laugh". I am not so nieve to think all will be well after this baby comes, but one day we will all laugh together in our real home. This is a promise and my hope.
My Mom and Dad, Sister and Brother: Who love me, care for me, and still spoil me to this day no matter how ugly I act. Not many people have a family like this and I know I am blessed.
Servants: Those who have served us without thinking about themselves. Who have just "done" and many times, I'm sure, were inconvienenced; losing time, gas, or money, but not thinking any of this as important.
Lastly but most importantly, I am thankful for the resurrection. I am thankful God showed me this morning that just as He was raised from the dead and met again with His body, so will my precious son. Body and spirit are meant to be together. Daniel is in the presence of the Lord right now and someday, that little body which I held and kissed and knew as my son will come out of that grave, glorified and made right. Someday I will not just be in the presence of my son's spirit, but I will touch him, hold him, and kiss him. What a God we have! What a merciful Creator! What a day that will be when death is finally gone and separation will never be again! Thank you God, thank you Jesus.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus" Amen and amen.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005 2:32 PM CST
"Woo hoo!" as Daniel would say. Anabel's counts were too low for chemo but not low enough to isolate her or for her to feel bad. Ordinarily this would be an upset, but with Thanksgiving this week and everyone at home together it is nice to have a week free from chemo and steroids. Anabel got out of the clinic in enough time to join her classmates for the Headmaster's Thanksgiving Luncheon. She was glad to go and I was very thankful to see her with her friends feeling good and confident. Pray this will be an event free week for us ( no ER or hospital visits). Two years ago Daniel and I spent the week at St. Jude's getting his high dose chemo for his stem cell transplant. Bobby and the kids had Thanksgiving dinner with the Taylor family. We only knew them a week or so, but they welcomed us into their home as if we were long time friends. Last year Daniel was on the couch most of the time, recovering from the near constant diarrhea from the Irrinotecan chemo. He's not suffering anymore for which I am truly thankful for, although it hurts indescribably at the same time.Anyway please pray cancer will not be our focus this Thanksgiving.
Speaking of the Taylors, I just want to say they are one of our heros. As we go along this journey, we are meeting many heros, most of which are the children suffering this disease. The Taylors, though, since meeting Daniel, have kept on helping others at St. Judes Children's Hospital and giving much needed platelets and blood. Thank you Tim and Gwen for giving so selflessly and for taking a little bit of Daniel with you each time you minister to someone.
We wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving and pray all will join us in giving thanks to God that this world is not our home and He has made a way for us to live with him forever.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005 4:13 PM CST
Anabel is doing much better this week. She got her last radiation Monday. They didn't give her the last ASP shot though. They want to wait and give it with the rest of the chemo. Tuesday she is due for all of that again. I'm kind of hoping she won't be able to get it so we can have a nicer Thanksgiving week. We'll see. Trying not to think too much about Christmas. With three young children that is hard to do. We've done a few little crafts and gift buying, but I dread putting up the tree. Last year was so fun putting it up with Daniel. He seemed okay, just that little limp and occasional tummy pain. We new it was coming, but it came so fast. Why didn't the chemo help? Thankfully it is helping a few other NB patients in the clinic. But why didn't it help him? I suppose it had something to do with the N-Myc Amplification.I still can't believe he is gone. I am thankful he didn't suffer terribly for a long time and with some of the horrible affects NB can have on children. That is a mercy I am thankful for. I am thankful the night before he went to heaven, he was able to crawl in my lap as we lay on the couch together and say "Mama, sing me a song". That was the last thing he said. He was mostly unconscious after that. I sang our familiar songs: "Jesus, Jesus how I trust him", "Turn your eyes upon Jesus", and" You've got a friend in me". Oh how my arms ache to hold him. I will never sing those songs until I am holding him again. I am trying to be thankful, but why should a mom have to be thankful for things like this? It's just all wrong.
I can't lose another child.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus" Audra
Friday, November 11, 2005 9:19 PM CST
We're home! I have to give Anabel IV antibiotics twice a day for a week, but that is much better than staying in the hospital. She is feeling much better. Dr. Meyer believes the infection started in her bladder and then got into her bloodstream. Again I am so thankful we were in the clinic when that happened. We are very thankful to be home. Monday, Anabel will get her last leg shots and last radiation treatment. Thanks Kay and Arlene for coming by and planning a tea party. Anabel is very excited! She also got a baby doll from a couple in my parent's church. Her name is Baby Annabell. It cries and laughs, she loves it. Thanks Gary and Connie. Anabel has a new friend on staff with the Oncology group. Her name is Wendy and Anabel loves to visit with her. Last night Anabel and I had a much needed girly night. We gave each other manicures and pedicures. I never thought I would have little silver hearts on my toes, but Anabel thought it would look good and so there they are. We are so thankful to everyone who came by and helped make the stay easier. I have calenders if anyone would like to support cancer families.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus" Audra
Wednesday, November 9, 2005 5:48 PM CST
We found out early this morning Anabel has a bacterial infection in her blood. She is on four antibiotics right now until they determine the exact bacteria and the best antibiotic for it. I am so thankful we were in the clinic when it hit. It came on so fast and furious. Today she has been feeling well. So far no temperature, although it has gone up to 99 a minute ago. Her back just started hurting a little too. Hopefully this is just from a long day. Please pray the antibiotic continues to fight the infection and they are able to send her home on one. A friend helped me remember to stop looking at the trouble in my life and start looking out at others who are suffering. She showed me by being an example of someone doing just that. The best way to tell anyone anything, by example. Thanks again Elena!
Tuesday, November 8, 2005 9:42 PM CST
Anabel is back in the hospital today. She began running a high fever, 104 degrees, this afternoon. Her ANC is below 500 so that puts her in the hospital. She was doing pretty well this morning and then all of the sudden she went down hill fast. Thankfully we were at the clinic and they started antibiotics and fluids right away. She has had this terrible back pain that comes and goes since last week. I thought it was from the Prednisone, but she stopped taking that Friday and it should be well out of her system. She also complains of being dizzy and of chest pain. All of this comes and goes, with or without fever. She was doing well again this evening, but about 8:30 she started hurting again. She's been taking Tylenol with Codene, but they just gave her Morphine since the pain became too intense. Please pray the pain will stop and this will be a short stay in the hiospital. Please pray against the possibility of a central nervous system relapse.
On a lighter note, the new calenders from the clinic are out. One of Anabel's drawings is featured for January. You can get one from me for a $10 donation that goes towards helping families with children with cancer. The entire calender is full of cancer patient's artwork. The last page is dedicated to all of the children who went to heaven this past year. Daniel's name is there. If you would like one, or would like to display one at your workplace, let me know and I can get them for you.
I hope to get some new pictures up soon. "Come quickly Lord Jesus" Audra
Saturday, November 5, 2005 3:27 PM CST
Thank you, thank you for all of the encouragement. I am so sorry to have doubted anyones concern for us. I have been in such a state of self pity lately and I can't stand myself for it. Please forgive me, but please keep it coming. It helps so much to read a comforting word.
Anabel has not done well at all this week. The change in the Prednisone hasn't seemed to benefit her at all. It seems like it will be ten days of really bad versus 5 days of really really bad. So along with the Drs. we've decided 5 days is better than 10 and we will go back to the old schedule next time. They may cut the dose in half for 5 days later if it doesn't lighten up, but on the whole we are just going to have to know that every three weeks she will have 5 very hard days to get through. We will all just have to grit our teeth and get through it, knowing her life really does depend on it. They went ahead and took her off of it for the rest of this cycle because she has had many other problems this week. The Dapsone she has been taking to prevent a particular kind of Pneumonia has been messing up her Hemoglobin. Monday it was at 10.5 which is pretty good for a kid on chemo, but her blood oxygen level was only at 89%. They ruled out the possibility of a tumor pressing on the lungs or trachea by doing an x-ray and did some kind of blood test that showed something called Met Hemoglobin which was robbing the Hemoglobin of its oxygen. Therefore we are not going to use that antibiotic anymore. They also are doing three other blood tests to see why her Bilirubin has been elevating. She may have a genetic structure that can't tolerate one of the chemo drugs. Anyway Thursday when they checked her Hemoglobin again it was 4.6! She was immediately hospitalized and over the next 24 hours was given three units of blood. She was so far out of it she doesn't remember the whole day ever happened. They had to take her by ambulence to the Physicians Building to get her radiation. We are home now and she has been sleeping all day. It's hard to say why, the radiation, Tylenol with Codene, or just the whole horrible week.The radiation seems to be no big deal, it's very quick and painless. The Drs are not too concerned that the drastic drop in her counts is related to bone marrow disease, this is of course the first place my mind went to. They think it is more due to the combination of all the chemo she got Monday, the radiation, and the Met Hemoglobin problem. This is why they've given her a break from the Prednisone, thank the Lord! We will go to the clinic and check her counts again Monday. She'll get her shots as well, one more week and they'll be over!! Sorry this is another lengthy entry, but it helps me to sort through it by writing it all down. She is up now, pray she has slept the last of the Prednisone off, it is just terrible on her.
Wednesday, November 2, 2005 1:16 PM CST
Monday, Anabel was able to get her chemo for which we are thankful. She did not sedate well and moaned and cried through the spinal tap. Thankfully she does not remember any of it. She began radiation yesterday and it will continue every day except weekends until the 11th. She is feeling pretty lousy. She seems to get thinner everyday. We are thankful that Dr. McNall cut her Prednisone dose in half per day, but doubled the days she will take it. Hopefully this will be a lot easier on her. I also found out why she seems to be having a harder time than the other kids with ALL in the clinic. They are going to school and look pretty good. Because she is T-cell Lymphoma she is at greater risk of relapse. Therefore she requires tougher treatment. The chance of survival is still 85% to 90%, but the treatment has to be harder. I am sorry she has to endure this tougher treatment, but thankful to know there is a reason she is not able to go to school and why she feels so bad all of the time. I kept worrying it was the cancer, but it is the treatment. She has two more weeks of the L'Asparaginase shots (the painful ones). And three more Doxirubican treatments (every three weeks as long as her counts recover). After that she will still have 75 weeks of treatments, but hopefully it will be easier without these other two drugs.
We are trying to focus on eternity and put our hope there. It is so difficult though when you are emotionally and physically exhausted. When you see your child suffering and you can't stop it. When you can't spend the time with your healthy children that you would like to. When you keep seeing, in your mind, your small three year old taking his last breath while laying in your helpless arms. This is what we face everyday. I don't write these things for you to feel sorry for us, only to see the battle we face everyday and possibly how to pray for us. I can't find the reference right now, but a verse I clung to during Daniel's illness keeps coming to my mind. It says, "I would have despaired unless I had believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Put your hope in the Lord, in the God of our salvation." Today I read Psalm 116. I can't say "He has delivered my eyes from tears or my feet from stumbling" as verse 8 says yet, but verses 9 and 10 say "I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed, even when I spoke, 'I am greatly afflicted'." I do believe, please Lord help my unbelief. Help me see beyond this wilderness.
Sorry this is so long. I do want to ask, whoever is reading this, please take a moment to sign the guest registry. We need to hear from you. We need encouragement. We need to know you are listening. We need to know our pain is more than just information to your ears, more than just a sad story for you to shake off and just go about your day.
Come quickly Lord Jesus. Audra
Monday, October 24, 2005 8:15 PM CDT
Anabel's counts were too low again. We will go back Mon., the 31st and try again.
I know I don't have it as bad as Job, but this is how I feel, whether right or wrong...I don't know where that other person full of trust has gone.
I Job 30:16-27
"And now my soul is poured out within me; days of affliction have taken hold of me. The night racks my bones, and the pain that gnaws me takes no rest. God has cast me into the mire, and I have become like dust and ashes. I cry to you for help and you do not answer me; I stand, and you only look at me. You have turned cruel to me; with the might of your hand you persecute me. You lift me up on the wind; you make me ride on it, and you toss me about in the roar of the storm. For I know that you will bring me to death and to the land of the living. Yet, does not one in a heap of ruins stretch out his hand, and in his disaster cry for help? Did I not weep for him whose day was hard? Was not my soul grieved for the needy? But when I hoped for good, evil came, and when I waited for light, darkness came. My inward parts are in turmoil and never still: days of affliction come to meet me. I stand up in the assembly and cry for help. My lyre is turned to mourning, and my pipe to the voice of those who weep."
Wednesday, October 19, 2005 4:37 PM CDT
Anabel's counts were too low for chemo and radiation this week. She had to have a blood transfusion today. She still doesn't have much energy. We will go back Monday and try again. I saw Ricki Lee and Jamie today. (mom's of NB kids, Ricki Lee's son is in remission and Jamie's son passed away three months ago) It was good to visit with them and see Xander who has beautiful curly locks now and Jamie's new baby, Madison. I'm so excited for Xander and pray he has beaten the disease and it never comes back. I'm also so jealous, sorry Ricki Lee. I don't think I can stand another day without my son, but then I find another day goes by and then another. I'm still here and he's not and it sucks.
Friday, October 14, 2005 3:44 PM CDT
Anabel had to have platelets Wed. before she got her shots, so it was a pretty long day. Yesterday we went to radiation for a consultation and to make her mask. They make a mask to keep her head in the same position for every treatment. She was pretty nervous at first, but she did great. The mask is like a plastic net that was pliable when they put it over her face. Then they waited for it to harden. She'll get to keep it when treatment is over. Each treatment should be around ten minutes. She's a little scared of the big machine and being in there without me, but I think she'll be okay. It is painless and she can take a stuffed animal with her. She'll start next Wed. and finish Nov. 1. The Dr. said she would lose her hair and may feel a little tired. Lymphoma reacts quickly to radiation therefore the dose will not be very high. Learning problems can happen, but aren't expected. Still, this is something to pray about. Next Tues. if her counts are high enough, Anabel will get chemo. injected in her spinal fluid which she will be sedated for. She'll also get her shots, Vincristine and Doxirubican through her port, and start her oral chemo including the Prednisone. I'm hoping the Docs have come up with an alternative plan that will be easier on her. Next week will be pretty hard. Please pray for all of us.
Yesterday Anabel and I went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch. A lady in line noticed Anabel's "buzz" under her hat and asked if she went to the Jimmy Everest Clinic. I told her she did and she said her daughter was in remission for two years from Liver cancer. She showed Anabel a picture of a beautiful girl with long dark hair and said "see, it grows back". A few minutes after we sat down she came to our table and gave Anabel some ice cream and me an envelope with Chick-Fil-A gift certificates. Of course I was fighting back tears and thanking God for this stranger who understood what we were going through even though she didn't even know my name.
Today I had lunch with a dear friend . It was so nice to talk with her again, someone who knows me and has walked through Daniel's illness with me. I'm glad she didn't wait for me to call her. Thanks Dee for dragging me out of my hole and "carrying my burden" with me.. You were God's way of telling me He has not forgotten me.
A few weeks ago at the clinic I was visiting with one of the moms. Her son had relapsed with Neuroblastoma around the time Anabel was diagnosed. She said "I'm just going to be thankful". I didn't tell her at the time, but that spoke so much to me. It is too much to think of treatments, prognosis, and losses. My mind and heart can't handle it, so I will try to focus on being thankful. ( I will try.) Thanks, Elena.
"My heart is not proud nor my eyes haughty. Nor do I involve myself in high matters, or in things too difficult for me. I have composed and quieted my soul. As a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. Oh, hope in the Lord forever and ever." Psalm 131
"Come quickly Lord Jesus"
Monday, October 10, 2005 1:08 PM CDT
Anabel will go to the clinic for a CBC and shots Wed. Five more to go. Last week I asked Dr McNall about the hallucinations. She said that wasn't acceptable for almost two years left of treatment and she would discuss it with Dr. Meyers. Hopefully they will come up with a solution. Thursday we go for a radiation consultation and I believe they will make a cast of her face. This will help her stay in the same position for each treatment. She had to get blood last Thurs. She seems to be feeling well, hopefully her counts haven't dropped drastically. Thanks for your prayers and concern.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus!"
Tuesday, October 4, 2005 10:10 AM CDT
Quote by Cynthia Krumme
"How do I feel? Don't ask!...aside from nervousness, irritability, exhaustion, faintness, dizziness, tremors, cold sweats, depression, insomnia, muscle pains, mental confusion, internal trembling, numbness, indecisiveness, crying spells, unsocial, asocial, and anti-social behavior... I feel fine...Thank you."
The past five days of Prednisone were awful. Wed. and Thurs. she was just emotional but she did great taking control of them. Friday afternoon she became very weak and sluggish. She stayed that way on into Monday, hardly able to walk. The worst though was Sat. and Sun. She began having hallucinations. She kept seeing rats or small animals crawling on her. She said they had terrible fangs. I don't know how to process this. I keep waiting for things to" get easier", but with this high dose of Prednisone every three weeks for 88 more weeks it doesn't look promising. I hate what it is doing to her. I try to remind myself that it will heal her, but I'm afraid she will lose all muscle mass in her legs and I can't stand to see her afraid of things that aren't even there. Today, two days after stopping the medicine, she is still weak and downcast. If this is what it takes to heal her I know we will still do it, I can't lose another child. The chemo is helping more than hurting this time, I have to keep telling myself that.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005 5:38 PM CDT
Anabel's counts were better than they have been in months! She was able to get all the chemo that was due for her today. So far she is doing well. Please pray the Prednisone doesn't affect her as badly as last time. Dr. McNall checked her out today. She was happy about the counts and took a lot of time to talk to Anabel about the radiation treatments coming up and learning how to control herself when the Prednisone starts affecting her moods. We are so thankful to have her as a doctor. She also recommended we wait to go back to school until after this semester like we had planned. Anabel has six more weeks of the horrible leg shots. We are glad to be counting down. In three weeks she will start low radiation to her whole brain. This will last for ten days. She will probably be tired during it. Please pray she will not develop any learning problems or hormone problems which can sometimes happen, but mostly that the cancer never comes back. Dr. McNall said radiation was necessary for T-cell because in past research relapse occurred more in kids who didn't have it. All in all the treatment seems to be getting easier and hopefully even more so after the new year. Thanks for checking in and praying.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus!"
Thursday, September 22, 2005 2:45 PM CDT
Anabel got her shots yesterday. They hurt this time. She has 7 more to go. Her platelets and hemoglobin were great but she was slighty neutropenic. Hopefully her white count is on the way up so she can get treatment 19 next week. Her ANC has to be above 750, it was 567 this week. She's scheduled for Wed. the 28th to get Vincristine and Doxirubicin through her port, the leg shots, and start the two oral chemos. One of which is Prednisone for five days. This is the one that made her very irritable. We're praying it will not effect her as badly. Please join us in praying for good counts and minimal side effects to the medication. School is going well.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus"
Monday, September 19, 2005 7:31 PM CDT
Thank you for all the encouraging notes in the guestbook. We are so thankful for your prayers. Please know my distancing myself from others is only because I can't express how I feel most of the time and I don't know what I need or what will help. I guess prayer is the only answer to that. The continued meals have been great too (although I feel a little guilty for taking them).
Yesterday I couldn't go to church. Instead after the family had left I went to buy Daniel's cake. He loved "party cakes" and we would get one for almost every end of some form of treatment (radiation, chemo. week, etc). Then I went to his grave. I placed a teddy bear my mother-in-law gave me there. I sat there quite awhile crying. After a bit I heard footsteps behind me. It was Bobby and the kids. We hadn't planned on meeting there, but I was so glad they showed up. I realized how much I have and how much I loved them. Again more footsteps and my sister and brother showed up with their boys. I am very blessed. My sister's in- laws gave us a Magnolia tree in memory of Daniel. We had one at our last house and I miss it very much. My sister and brother-in-law came over to plant it. It was a wonderful thing to do on his birthday. They stayed awhile until we were expected at my mom's house. We had a great meal that only Nana can make. Then we watched video, starting with Daniel introducing himself as he often did, "Hi, I'm Daniel". Next was his birth and first few months of life. What a happy, content little guy he was. We skipped all the hospital stuff and ended with September of last year. It was like a breath of fresh air to see him playing like only Daniel could play and to hear his voice. It really helped me to see that. It makes him feel closer and maybe I caught a glimpse of how carefree he is now. Of course my arms still ache to hold him and I miss his big smacks on the lips. But someday, someday I can hold him again. That is very good news. That is what the gospel means to me. We still have many sleepless nights ahead of us and days our faith seems to take a nose dive. Please keep praying for all of us.
Wed will be week 18 for Anabel which is the Asp shots in the thighs. Pray it goes as well as last week. She has been cheerful aqnd energetic. Today when we picked up the boys from school, she jumped out of the van to show off her salamander. She was fully aware that she had no hat on and it didn't bother her a bit. There was a small crowd surrounding her and her newest little pet. (She fished it out of the pool last week).
Please continue to pray for Brian and Kelvin (neuroblastoma) and Anabel's new friend, Monica (Ewing's Sarcoma), plus all the kids at the clinic.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus"
Friday, September 16, 2005 10:43 AM CDT
Schooling is going better than I thought. Anabel woke up today walking on her toes on one foot. She said her calf hurt. This is probably from the Vincristine. We'll have to talk to the doctor about it. Sunday we will go to my mom's and have a "party cake" as Daniel would say and look at pictures and video of him. It seems like yesterday (and also an eternity) that we had his Superhero party with him walking around without his Spidey mask saying "I'm Peter Parker". I'm trying to make myself be happy for him, that he is free from pain and this old world ,and thankful I'll get to see him again. It's very hard.
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12
Please sign the guestbook, it helps.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus."
Wednesday, September 14, 2005 3:20 PM CDT
We went to the clinic today for Anabel's ASP shots. Her counts haven't started dropping yet. She did incredible with her shots, not even a peep. The nurses think we had the EMLA cream on for so long it started to numb the tissue under the skin. We will try that again next week. Last week was pretty bad. It was the first week on the high dose of Prednisone. It can make you very moody, hungry, swell, and cause bone pain. Every feeling Anabel had was intensified. She even threw a temper tantrum like a three year old. I asked the nurses if she would get used to the medicine and they just looked at each other and said they couldn't promise it would. I have always appreciated their honesty. They had some suggestions on the pain, starting the day before with some pain reliever and giving it around the clock. This will hopefully ease her distress and not make her fly off the handle. The day after she stopped taking the Prednisone she went back to normal. That is a great thing, but the bad thing is we have to give it to her every three weeks for five days over the next 91 weeks. I'm sure we'll find ways to help her through those times, but I can't imagine her going to school like that. I can just picture the teachers cowering under their desks and the children running for their lives. Time will tell, honestly I hope she can return to school. I don't know how I ever homeschooled three children before. It seems like a different person in a different world a long time ago. The thought of homeschooling now makes me sick and tired. Sorry for the rambling. At the clinic I saw Amanda, George and Kelvin. My heart breaks to watch them go through this. His cancer has come back in his leg and 35% of his bone marrow. To those of you who don't know, Kelvin was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma the same week as Daniel. Relapse is horrible. Believe me ignorance of cancer treatment is bliss. When you've been there and done that, to think of doing it again is paralyzing. I hate that this is happening to them. I hate seeing that familiar limp in such a brave little warrior who just wants to play. I want to scream. Please pray the chemo he gets for six hours a day every day for a week and then does again in three weeks works. Some of you who are reading this have no idea what it is like. This family lives a couple of hours away, and will be staying in a hotel during this and possibly following treatments if the Ronald McDonald House is full. If you want to provide a meal or help in gas cards let me know. I know they could use the help and encouragement.Cancer SUCKS! Sorry for the lengthy entry, Anabel will go to the clinic next Wed. for her shots again. That will be week 18. Thanks for reading, Audra
Wednesday, September 7, 2005 4:01 PM CDT
Finally we got week 16 over with! Anabel sedated well and slept through everything. Thank you God for that. She has been feeling pretty yucky today. Next Wed. we'll do a CBC and the shots in her legs. Sept. 18 is Daniel's birthday. I'm not handling life very well these days. Please pray I'll keep it together for my kids. Cancer stinks!
Monday, August 29, 2005 1:11 PM CDT
Anabel's counts were still too low last Wed., although they were definitely on their way up. Most likely we will get week 16 over with this Wed. I have not been doing well lately, probably pregnancy hormones have contributed, but I miss Daniel so much. Yes, to those who haven't heard, I am pregnant. I'm 13 weeks along and have been trying to keep my lunch down, successfully most of the time. I have so many emotions right now, it is hard to express how I FEEL. So I'll just say God is in control and no matter what, I will spend eternity with my 5 children and husband in a much better place. My mom was told by someone who lost a child, that nothing comforts like full arms. Anabel is doing well. She is very talented in painting and does it often. She has also been singing a lot lately and has a beautiful voice. I'll try to post again Wed. or Thurs. to let you know how clinic went. Please look at the journal history to see what week 16 involves, it is a big ordeal. Please pray for mercy for no nausea ( for either of us) from the chemo. and she would sedate well. Also, I know this is a minor thing, but since she's been 7 weeks off chemo, her eyebrows and eyelashes are coming back. Please pray they will continue to grow. Of course the main thing is that the cancer would never come back, so if eyelashes have to be sacrificed so be it. I just learned last week that our precious friend who was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma the same week as Daniel, Kelvin, has had new cancer growth in his leg. I don't know much more than that, but please pray for them. Sometimes learning the cancer has spread is worse than the initial diagnoses. I know they trust God, but please lift them up to Him daily for strength and comfort and wisdom. I also wanted to thank First Baptist Church of Piedmont for the Wal-Mart gift cards for school supplies. It was such a blessing and a wonderful reminder that others are continually praying for us. Thanks for checking in.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus!" Audra
Saturday, August 20, 2005 2:14 PM CDT
At Anabel's clinic visit we found her counts were still two low for week 16 treatments. They had gone up very little. This puts her 3 weeks behind schedule and frightened me that the disease was in her bone marrow. The Drs. were concerned enough to go ahead and do a bone marrow biopsy which showed all was still clear-Praise God! The last high dose Methotrexate plus the other chemos have just wiped her bone marrow out. Since her counts were a little on the rise we are expecting to be able to do week 16 this coming Wed. and finally get it behind us. They will decrease her doses of chemo to keep her on schedule. Thanks for checking in and please keep praying.
Also at the clinic we met Coach Bob Stoops. He drops in every now and then. Anabel had her picture taken with him, but she really couldn't care less about football. We were able to get his autograph for my nephew who loves OU.
I was reminded of a song at a funeral for a dear sweet lady this week. The words are: "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, life is worth the living just because He lives."
Because Jesus lives, I know Daniel lives. He is more alive than we are and that is my future. Thank you God for sending your son that He would take my sin, my punishment and make me clean to enter Your presence.
Sunday, August 14, 2005 3:29 PM CDT
Anabel seems well; no bruising, bleeding, fever, or looking pale. Hopefully this means her blood counts are coming up. We will find out Wed. and hopefully get week 16 out of the way.
Week 16: 1. Finger stick to determine her Complete Blood Count (CBC). If they are high enough we can go ahead with the week 16 treatment. 2. Port accessed (Subcutaneous port- located on her lower left rib cage under the skin, it is a small metal chamber with a rubber top that has a catheter running to the large vein near the collar bone. It is accessed with a needle, EMLA cream is used to numb the skin.) 3. She will receive Benadryl and Phenergan through her port to aid with the sedation medications Versed and Demerol. Without them she doesn't sedate well or wake up very well (without kicking and screaming) 4. She will then be rolled into a ball, much like when a mom gets an Epidural before delivery, and they will do a Lumbar Puncture (LP). They will draw some spinal fluid out to test it for cancer cells and then inject a chemotherapy drug directly into her spinal fluid to prevent relapse of the disease. She will receive 5 more of these during the next year and a half. 5. While she is still sedated the nurses will give her the L'Asparaginase (ASP) shots. These are intramuscular (in the muscle) shots and the medicine is very painful, so we are thankful they will do it while she is sedated. 6. They will probably hook her up to some fluids and let her wake up. (For every poke you get a prize from the prize closet!) 7. She will also get two more chemo drugs. A push (meaning they slowly push the medicine from a syringe into her tubing through her port) of Vincristine(VCR) and a 30 minute drip of Doxorubicin (DOX). She will also get a push of a medicine, initials DZR, for protection against some of DOX's more harmful effects on the heart, I think. They say it is helpful to eat a popsicle or suck on ice chips while getting the DOX to help prevent mouth sores. 8. She will probably need at least an hour of fluids to help flush all this through her system. 9. She will then be able to go. She will take 20mg of Prednisone 3 times a day for five days by mouth (a steroid that makes her face and tummy swell, makes her moody, and hungry) She will also take 6-MP once a day for two weeks by mouth.
Grand total: 7 different chemo drugs 5 needle sticks A lot of anxiety for Anabel
Please pray
Thanks Audra
Thursday, August 11, 2005 8:24 PM CDT
Yesterday was clinic day but Anabel's counts were still too low for chemo. In fact they were much worse. (ANC-27, Hemoglobin-8.1, Platelets-3,000) She recieved platelets yesterday and we went back today for red blood cells. Although her white count is low she has no fever and is swimming as I write this. She had a good day at the clinic today after Daddy gave her a little pep talk on the phone. Yesterday was horrible for both of us. I'm sure if I was more upbeat she would be too, but it has been so difficult lately. I had another breakdown yesterday in the hall and Tracy (one of the many sweet nurses at the clinic) had to peel me off the wall. I don't know how to get through this. I know I boldly spout off verses ( I do believe Daniel is happy and I will see him again) but that does not make getting out of bed everyday and going to that clinic weekly, and seeing my bald sick daughter suffer with this horrible disease any easier. I'm tired, lonely, and I want my son back.
Next week we will try again. I asked Dr Meyer if this was okay and normal for this treatment and he said some kids have a harder time recovering from the high dose Methotrexate. If her counts are still not recovering next week we may have to look into it further. Please God, please let her recover. Please don't let there be any disease suppressing her bone marrow. Please don't let there be any cancer in her body now or forever or in anyone else in my family, please. Please let us continue with treatments and get it over with. Please join me in praying for Anabel. Pray that I can help her and be a source of comfort like a mom should be. I am not strong.
Thursday, August 4, 2005 10:29 AM CDT
Yesterday did not go as planned. Anabel's ANC was too low for chemo. Her platelets are very low too, she has so many bruises on her legs. The Drs. think she is still recovering from the High Dose Chemo 3 weeks ago, but it may be the weekly shots keeping her counts down. They did not give her the shots to help her recover so she can get the whole works next week. On that note, school is a no brainer for us. In the past month she has had adequate white blood cells maybe two days. She still has 9 weeks of these shots and 2 weeks of cranial radiation coming up. Home School is the only route for us this year. It will be good for us. We can do a lot of girly stuff. Please pray she will have no fever. A fever means we go to the hospital ASAP. Please, please pray for her safety against viruses and infections and for our wisdom as we decide where she can go and when. Prayerfully by December when the shots, radiation, and Doxirubican are finished she can have more freedom and be safer. We praise God she has had no fever with her low counts after this last chemo. THANK YOU GOD!
I have heard a lot lately, "God will not give you more than you can handle". Some even call it scripture, but I have not found it in the Bible. I also can testify for myself that it is not true. No mother can handle losing her child or watching them suffer these treatments. That quote to me (whoever was the first to say it) is the same as saying "Suck it up" or "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps". The only verse I find that is close (and by close I mean similar wording, the context is completely different) is 1 Cor. 10:13"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." This is about escaping temptation not handling hardships. The fact is if I could just "suck it up" or handle it, I wouldn't need God at all. I would be self sufficient not depending on Christ. I know I can't handle this, therefore I am driven to the scriptures and to my knees. The only comfort I have is the Gospel and the only strength I can claim is the Gospel. I did not "suck it up" to recieve God's Grace and I can not "suck it up" to live each day. In fact the verse before the one I just quoted says "Therfore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall."
1 Peter 5:10 "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, WILL HIMSELF restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."
Please continue to pray for Darren and Cameron's moms and for all the children at the clinic.
Thanks for visiting, Audra
Monday, August 1, 2005 2:50 PM CDT
We had a good weekend and Anabel and Caleb have been playing games all day today. I love when they get along so well! Wednesday, Anabel will have a lumbar puncture, her port accessed, given two chemo drugs through it, get two shots, and begin two oral chemos. It will be a long day. Please pray the sedation will go well and she will sleep through the entire procedure. Also, pray she will wake up okay and not have a bad reaction to the sedation. I am thankful the nurses are so thoughtful to give the shots while she is sedated. Please pray that as they test her spinal fluid there would be no cancer cells ever, ever again.
I had a great conversation with Jamie, Cameron's mom today. It helps so much to talk to someone who is going through the same thing you are. It has been seven months since Daniel died, but my arms ache like it was yesterday. I still have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I have a terrible time going to the clinic every week and not have him scooting along in the cars, climbing on the trains, or chasing him all over the playroom. It is torture to look through movies for Anabel to watch and see all the familiar ones that Daniel watched. We watched the Disneyland video at least a thousand times as we sat in the same blue chair in the corner of the infusion room. We always sat in that chair. I can't bare to walk by it now, but I have to every week. I have to say, this is when my faith waivers the most. I will never understand why Daniel had to die, but even more why do I have to have it thrown in my face every week? Why do I have to worry that the same may happen to my daughter? Poor Anabel, she doesn't deserve or need to have a mother who falls apart all the time. Forgive my pity party, but this may give you some idea how to pray for us. It still hurts very much. Daniel was not just a three year old boy. He may not have been potty trained, but he was more wise than most. He was not just my son. He was my companion 24-7. He made me laugh. He gave me massages. He was my best friend.
"Come quickly Lord Jesus"
Thursday, July 28, 2005 12:20 AM CDT
Yesterday at Anabel's visit we found out she was very anemic, her Hemoglobin was at 6.8. It's a wonder she was able to walk around at all. Her platelets were also very low at only 10,000. So she needed a transfusion for both, in addition to her shots. Her ANC was 324, so her immune system is not what it should be. Transfusions take about an hour for platelets and 2 to 3 hours for red blood cells. Although we got at the clinic at 9:30 am Anabel was not finished until about 9 pm. It takes awhile for the blood products to get to the clinic from down the street apparently. Really this is no big deal. I had hoped her counts wouldn't drop so drastically, but it is expected after such a high-dose chemo. I'm so glad we're done with that! Next week, as long as her counts have rebounded, she will start phase 2 of her treatment (for Anabel's schedule look at the journal history). I have to say how blessed I am with an amazing husband. Instead of going home after his long day at work, he went to the hospital to relieve me! I'm also thankful that we are close enough to the city to be able to go back and forth and help each other. I know many other families who after such a long day would have to stay at the Ronald McDonald House and don't have the luxary of friends and family to drop by to give relief. Anyway, Anabel is busy playing and helping around the house. We may go swimming in a little bit. She continues to amaze me with her strength, as do all the kids at the clinic.
"Thought he fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19
Friday, July 22, 2005 1:40 PM CDT
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed DAY BY DAY. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
As I read this verse, I see so much truth it is hard to find just one to concentrate on. The words-slight and momentary definitely catch my eye. "There is nothing slight or momentary about losing my precious son or seeing my daughter suffer", my flesh screams. But, this is God's word, it is truth. What I feel IS NOT truth. I've felt lots of ways and most of those feelings didn't last and a great deal of them were wrong. So I cannot even trust my feelings. Yes it hurts and DAY BY LONG DAY I have to deal with the pain again and again, but God's word is truth. This IS all slight and momentary, not because I feel it but because God said so. (Remind me of this when my faith waivers) If I look at this world, my loss, my grief, my anger, (the things that are seen) I will go crazy. But if I look at the things that are eternal; God, His word, Heaven, my covenant family, and live for those things, I can wait patiently. (Not an attribute I've been known for)
"Nothing is more real and practical than the Word of God. This world is not more real than the other world. It won't last nearly as long" Elisabeth Elliot from A Path Through Suffering
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us...Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he can see? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:18,25
As you can see I've had to dive in the Word for truth. I have been looking at this world way too much. It's not as pleasent as it used to seem.
ANABEL is doing well. She's resting a little more today, but overall seems to be tolerating last week's chemo well. Please continue to pray her counts will go up and always that the disease will never come back.
Grace to you, Audra
Wednesday, July 20, 2005 5:27 PM CDT
We went to the clinic today for Anabel's weekly shots. She was so brave and didn't fight the nurses at all this time. Her counts are lower, but not terrible. Her absolute neutrophil count (her ability to fight infections and viruses) was 410. Anything below 500 is considered neutropenic and caution should be taken to protect her from germs. Last time she was below 100 for 2 weeks, we are praying they are on their way up and not down. Her hemoglobin is at 9. A normal child should be between 11 and 13.5. If she were to go below 8 she would need a transfusion. Her platelets are 101,000, still pretty strong. A normal child's would be between 150,000 and 275,000. Have you thanked God for your blood cells today? We are truly fearfully and wonderfully made. Anabel has remained busy and active since her discharge. She'll complain of soreness or being tired occasionally, but I have been amazed at her. Please pray all counts are on their way up. Caleb has had some kind of virus but is doing better today. Thanks for your continued prayers. Audra
Monday, July 18, 2005 10:44 AM CDT
We had a great weekend at home! Anabel is still feeling yucky and sore, but she was still able to beat my sister and I at Trouble and UNO. Please continue to pray against fever. Thanks
See Journal History for Anabel's treatment schedule. Week 14 out of 108!
Friday, July 15, 2005 9:48 AM CDT
We are still in the hospital but our nurse just came in and said her level was low enough to go home. We have to wait for the Dr. to okay it and discharge her, but it looks good! Anabel is feeling pretty puny. She's nauseous, her head and jaw hurts, and her mouth is sore. She is also extremely tired because she was up every hour last night going to the bathroom. This was due to the Lasiks (sp?) they gave her to flush the chemo out of her body. It did the trick. Pray for Bobby, he stayed with her last night, so he is trying to manage a company today without any sleep. Please continue to pray that Anabel will not get a fever, this next couple of weeks she will probably have significant drops in her white and red blood cells and her platelets. Please pray it won't be as bad as last time. She ended up in the hopital with fever neutropenia and needed two red blood transfusions and one platelet transfusion.
Anabel's Treatment Schedule:(Subject to change due to blood counts) Week 14/July 20-Aspariginase shots (the ones that feel like snake bites), 1 more week of 6-MP (taken orally) Low blood counts due to last weeks chemo. Week 15/July 27- Asp. shots Week 16/Aug 3 - Doxirubican, Vincristine (these will go through her port), Lumbar puncture with a chemo injected directly in her spinal fluid (she will be sedated for this and mercifully they will give her the Asp shots while she is sedated), and Asp shots. She will also take Prednisone for 5 days and 6MP for 2 weeks. Week 17/Aug 10- Asp shots, finish 6-MP Week 18/Aug 17- Asp shots Week 19/Aug 24- Asp shots, Dox and Vin IV, Pred. and 6-MP orally Week 20/Aug 31- Asp shots, finish 6-MP Week 21/Sept 7- Asp shots Week 22/Sept 14- Asp shots, Dox and Vin IV, Pred and 6-MP orally, Lumbar Puncture, and Cranial Radiation Week 23/Sept 21- Asp shots, finish 6-MP, Cranial Radiation Week 24/Sept 28- Asp shots Week 25/Oct 3 - Asp shots (LAST ONES-YEAH!) Dox and Vin IV, Pred and 6-MP orally Week 26/Oct 10- Finish 6-MP Week 27/Oct 17- NOTHING?! Week 28/Oct 21- Dox and Vin IV, Pred and 6-MP orally, Lumbar Puncture?? Week 29/Oct 28- Finish 6-MP Week 30/Nov 2- NOTHING?! Week 31/Nov 9- Dox and Vin IV, Pred and 6-MP orally Week 32/Nov 16- Finish 6-MP Week 33/Nov 23- NOTHING?! Week 34/Nov 30- Stop the Doxirubican.( Her hair may grow back) Start Methotrexate shots (they tell me they are not as bad as the Asp shots) weekly through Week 108 (May 2007?). She will continue the Vincristine through her port and the oral Prednisone (5days) and oral 6-MP (14 days) every 3 weeks through week 108 also. Week 35/Dec 7- MTX shot, finish 6-MP Week 36/Dec 14-MTX shot Week 37/Dec 21-MTX shot, Vin IV, Pred and 6-MP orally
Repeat these last 3 weeks with a lumbar puncture and other test sprinkled through until Week 108.
I'll update you on any tests and/or changes as they occur.
Our Neuroblastoma friends Cameron and Darren went to complete bliss Wed. and Thurs. of this week. Please pray for their parents as they are grieving the loss of their incredible sons. It is comforting to know these boys know no pain and their parents will see them again thanks to our merciful God, BUT the pain is too intense for words. The loss is too enormous for us, near-sighted people to comprehend. Help us God to trust you.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005 11:07 AM CDT
Anabel is doing well although still nauseous. Pray for a Thursday morning discharge. The Methotrexate level in her blood must be beneath a certain level before she can go home. I learned yesterday that another one of our friends with Neuroblastoma is struggling in his battle. He is a 15 year old named Darren. He is here in ICU. Please pray for him and continue to pray for Cameron that there would be no discomfort or fear before he is "swallowed up with life" and especially for his parents as they have to face the years, months, days, and minutes ahead. Please pray for grace and comfort and against all evil thoughts and unwarranted guilt that may plague them the next few months. To view their websites and to sign their guestbooks( with words of peace and comfort only) go back to visit then type: ok/darren and ok/cameronc
Thanks for your prayers and help.
SIDEBAR- I don't like to say someone is losing their battle with the disease because actually the child is going to complete bliss, the cancer is the one losing it's host and going into the ground where it belongs! Of course this doesn't really make it any easier for the parents and I really don't know any other way to say it without going into a long explanation like this.
"For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened--not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be SWALLOWED UP BY LIFE. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith and not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him." 2 Corinthians 5:1-10
Tuesday, July 12, 2005 10:49 AM CDT
Anabel's ANC (absolute neutrophil count) was 1440 yesterday. It had to be at least 750 to start the chemo so here we are with our big neon yellow bag of Methotrexate. This will be the last high dose Methotrexate which requires admission! Unless something unforseen happens she will not have to be in the hospital again. Please don't stop praying, her immune system is weakened and a fever would land her back in here. We also have treatments weekly through May 2007. She is very nauseous right now and already tired of being here. Pray for an early discharge Thursday morning.
Hope all are doing well.
Also pray for our friend Cameron. He is 4 and has Neuroblastoma. It has spread at a very rapid rate and he is on hospice care at home. I know this heartache and only prayer can help them right now. Please, please pray this wicked disease won't affect any more kids. It is truly a monster.
Monday, July 11, 2005 0:53 AM CDT
I thought I would try my hand at this. I am not the writer my husband is so be patient.
As most of you know this journal should be changed and say Anabel Lehew, although I know niether Bobby or I can bear to do that. Two years ago, July 8, 2003, Daniel was diagnosed with stage 4 Neuroblastoma. Only two years. Now my daughter has non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. For those of you who are new to this drama we call our life, Daniel died a week before Christmas last year and Anabel was diagnosed on April Fool's Day this year. Very Funny. She is in remission already (Praise God) which is pretty much what the doctors predicted.She is past due on her 4th high dose chemo by almost two weeks though, which concerns me. I am told it happens and not to worry. We will go to the clinic this morning to check her counts and see if they are good enough for admission. Pray they are, we really need to get back on track and keep this disease gone. Please continue to pray for us as we all miss Daniel terribly.
Keep reading only if you can stand a little soap box.
Please don't give us advice on supplements and trying to control our own mortality by the way we eat. "Be still and know that I am God." "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat..for life is more than food...and which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? Instead seek his kingdom, and all these things will be added to you." Luke 12:22-34 "In your book were written, every one of them, the DAYS THAT WERE FORMED FOR ME. when as yet there were not a one of them."psalm 139:16
Please don't tell us to keep the faith or if you just had more faith. Real faith is not believing only when you get your way. Real faith is saying "God is able to deliver us from the fiery furnace, BUT EVEN IF HE DOESN'T....." Daniel 3:17-18 .It is easy to believe God can heal someone. It is another thing to say even if you don't I will still trust you. That is not a faith I can drum up on my own, it is a gift from God. "If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied." 1 Cor. 15:19
"there is such a thing as obedient faith, faith which is not dependent on receiving benefits only... The world does not want to be told. The world wants to be shown the very guts of faith... Does our faith rest on having our prayers answered as we think they should be, or does it rest on that mighty love that went down into death for us?" author- Elisabeth Elliot "A Path Through Suffering"
Luke 5 :12-13 "When a leper saw Jesus, he fell on his face and begged him; Lord, IF YOU WILL(not I know you will), you can make me clean. And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him saying, I will , be clean."
Mark 9:24 "I believe, help my unbelief!"( His son was healed.)
I guess what I am trying to say is my son's death and my daughter's illness is not proof of our poor eating habits,hidden sin, or lack of faith,( Job's friends I'm talking to you). It went through God's hand first. Why, I will probably never know, but God is still loving, merciful, and full of grace. Romans 8:18 "For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Praise God this world is not all there is. Praise be to God that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, so we could be free of sin and enter into His kingdom forever. Praise God Daniel is happy and free from pain and we will see him again!!!!!
I promise I will stick to just information most of the time.
Thank you everyone who continues to pray for us and associate with us.
We miss you Taylor family and Hope Pres. church in Memphis who ministered to us strangers like I have never seen before.
Thank you Heritage Baptist Church for the love, prayers, and help poured out to us.
Thank you to our new family at Heritage Pres. and the prayers, love, and encouragement that continually flows.
Thank you to my wonerful parents, sister and brother, Barbara Harley, Stephanie and all the nurses and Drs. who tirelessly minister to us daily without ever asking for anything back.
We love you all!
Monday, October 20, 2003 2:17 AM CDT
For current update please visit www.bwl.blogspot.com
Thursday, October 2, 2003 9:21 PM CDT
Our thanks again to everyone for praying for Daniel. Some of our toughest hurdles are right around the corner, the two majors being surgery to remove more abdominal tumor and the bone marrow transplants (Nov and Jan). Our schedule until Christmas depends on Daniel's recovery from each procedure but we've tried to provide a general outline as follows:
Oct 7th: Minor surgery to place central venous catheter in groin area. Oct 8th: Harvesting of stem cells Oct 9th: Harvesting of stem cells Oct 9th: Day 1, Course 5 chemotherapy Oct 10th: Removal of central venous catheter Oct 10th: Day 2, Course 5 chemotherapy Oct 11th: Day 3, Course 5 chemotherapy Oct 12th: Day 4, Course 5 chemotherapy Oct 13th: Day 5, Course 5 chemotherapy Recovery Oct 27th: Major surgery to resect remaining tumor particles Recovery Nov 15rd: Bone Marrow Transplant (3-6 weeks, isolation) Out possibly early-mid December. Recovery January: Bone Marrow Transplant (2nd transplant)
Details about each procedure are available at: www.bwl.blogspot.com
Right now Daniel is feeling pretty good. He just came off of being neutropenic but with no fever, which means we didn't have to go to the hospital for once after chemo treatment! We're looking forward to getting the next four months behind us with significant progress in this battle against this disease!
Thank you again for your prayers!
Thursday, September 18, 2003 5:45 AM CDT
Today Daniel is two! We celebrated his birthday on Sunday with many dear friends and family (see images in photo album). He had a "Bob the Builder" party and he had a blast!
Today we begin another cycle of chemotherapy. Daniel will receive three days of treatment and after this cycle his bone marrow will be harvested for future bone marrow transplants.
Please pray for minimal side effects from the chemotherapy and as always, for our other three children. Another significant milestone up and coming is surgery which will take place after the next cycle of chemotherapy. From there, the MAJOR hurdle, the bone marrow transplant itself. For now we appreciate your prayers to just make it through yet another cycle of chemo. His white counts generally drop after 7-10 days from his first day of therapy but we'd like to stay OUT of the hospital for an extended time for once! :)
Thank you for your concerns, prayer and love! Please sign in to let us know you dropped by, and feel free to visit our other site www.bwl.blogspot.com for additional updates.
Friday, August 29, 2003 8:41 PM CDT
GREAT news! We reviewed the x-rays with the radiologist and oncology team today and after only two cycles of chemotherapy we have an 80 eduction in the abdominal mass! We expected good news but this was exceptional!
The results are inconclusive regarding the bone marrow in the left femur and the orbits behind the eyes, but an 80 eduction in the once cantaloupe-sized mass is fantastic!
We are still proceeding with the planned protocol. Daniel is currently starting his third cycle of chemotherapy. After the fourth cycle, his stem cells will be harvested for future bone marrow transplants and after the fifth cycle he’ll have a “second-look” surgery with possible tumor resection (removal). The protocol will still follow with radiation and additional chemotherapy: cis-retinoid acid (accutane).
PRAYER: Please pray for continued progress with the chemotherapy as well as minimal side effects as possible. The recurrence rate for neuroblastoma is extremely high, particularly stage IV neuroblastoma, please pray for complete eradication of the remaining cancer and for this cancer to stay away!
Wednesday, August 27, 2003 10:52 PM CDT
Monday, Daniel completed bone scans and a series of x-rays and today he had both a bone marrow aspiration and biopsy. Tomorrow (Thurs) he will have the CT Scan and begin a five-day cycle of chemotherapy (Etoposide and Ifosfamide). We should know test results sometime next week and will let everyone know as soon as possible. (For a more detailed report, visit www.bwl.blogspot.com)
PRAYER: Please pray for Daniel's white blood cells to remain high as well as minimal side effects from the chemotherapy. Please also pray for Joshua, Caleb and Anabel throughout the next week.
RECAP - DIAGNOSIS: On July 8th, 2003 Daniel was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, which is a relatively rare cancer of the sympathetic nervous system -- a nerve network that carries messages from the brain throughout the body. Each year about 500 children in the United States will develop neuroblastoma. Daniel has stage IV neuroblastoma; his cancer consists of a mass in his abdomen about the size of a cantaloupe, cancer in the bone marrow (located now in the left femur) cancer located in the soft tissue of the orbit behind his eyes, cancer in his liver and in the adrenal glands. Daniel's protocol will more than likely consist of chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and two possible bone marrow transplants and if necessary other clinical trials yet to be determined.
Friday, August 8, 2003 11:56 PM CDT
DIAGNOSIS: On July 8th, 2003 Daniel was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, which is a relatively rare cancer of the sympathetic nervous system -- a nerve network that carries messages from the brain throughout the body. Each year about 500 children in the United States will develop neuroblastoma. Daniel has stage IV neuroblastoma; his cancer consists of a mass in his abdomen about the size of a cantaloupe, cancer in the bone marrow (located now in the left femur) cancer located in the soft tissue of the orbit behind his eyes, cancer in his liver and in the adrenal glands. Daniel's protocol will more than likely consist of chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and two possible bone marrow transplants and if necessary other clinical trials yet to be determined.
CURRENTLY: WE'RE HOME! On Thursday August 14th we completed week 5 of course #2 in his chemotherapy. On Friday he had to have a blood transfusion and on Saturday we made the trip back to the hospital again for a platelet transfusion. Though he is neutropenic right now we anticipate his white blood cell count to increase today and tomorrow. We're nearing the end of a battle with the staff infection he had in his surgery incision and are now dealing with other side effects from the chemo. (Jaw pain, sleeplessness, constipation). He does have a yeast infection that we hope will clear up soon as well. Throughout the past 3-4 days he has not been feeling well, with the exception of today! Today he has been playing and last night he slept well! The platelet transfusion must have done him some good!
PRAYER: Please pray for Daniel in the upcoming days for his white blood cell count to remain high and for minimal side effects from the chemotherapy. We complete round III of phase II of his chemotherapy next week (week of 8/17/03) and the big week will be the week of 8/24 when we will be running a CT scan, MIBG scan, and bone marrow aspirations to determine our progress as well as a whole new round of chemotherapy. (Please pray!) Please also pray for his brothers and sister (Joshua, Anabel and Caleb)...in the blink of an eye, their world was spun inside out as well as ours and we strive to maintain some semblance of normalcy for their sakes. Please pray for Audra and I for WISDOM....and finally, please lift up three little children and their families: Kelvin, Favio, and Caitlin who are each struggling with cancer.
PRAISE: In Christ alone - Phil 4:6-7...His peace truly surpasses our comprehension. His promised presence abides (Matt 28:20) our consolation abounds through Him (2nd Cor 1:5) His power is revealed in this our weakest time (1 Cor 2:3) He prays when we cannot (Rom 8:26) He establishes our hearts daily by His grace (Heb 13:9) and His mercies prevent despair (Lam 3:22-24)(Ps 27:13-14). If it sounds as if we are clinging madly to Hope....we are.
THANK YOU: To everyone who is fiercely praying for our stalwart-little warrior and for the overwhelming support you've encouraged us with. Words cannot describe how you (our friends, family, and community) have refreshed us with your love and concern for us and Daniel.
You will be delighted to know that Daniel approaches life with all the gusto of a typical toddler: with no care for tomorrow and the only important moment is NOW. Life becomes richer for all of us around him who join him in the sacredness of each present moment. Know that we as a family are filled with hope about his continuing progress and his bright future. We also serve a God who specializes in redemption; we place the full weight of our TRUST in Him.
Love in Christ - Bobby and Audra
"My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah. Psalm 62:5-8 (NAS)"
