History

Thursday, May 8, 2008

*New photos in photo album!*

Hi everyone,

It's been awhile! I know there are still people who pop by now and again, thank you for still doing so! So you're wondering what on earth I'm doing? It's been months! Yes, it has... and there are many things in life that show me just how quickly time flies, Caringbridge is one of them, that's for sure.

Well I wanted to wish all you mums out there a very Happy Mother's Day. It's still quite a sad day for me but I have others in my life whom I help celebrate the special day with. For example, Karen is now a mum to my nephew Dylan, so although the day will be in a way sad for her, I'm sure her little boy will make up for it. I will write about Dylan a little later in the post. Also, there is Marcus' mum who is just another amazing woman. She is everything a "mother" is. She has been extremely supportive in everything Marcus and I have done as individuals and as a couple. And her love for us is always shown. She has honestly been like a second mother to me. Which has been nice.

Now on to Dylan. The little monster is now 15 months old, can you believe it?! He is just an amazing baby... extremely smart, extremely daring, extremely sociable, extremely cheeky, extremely adventurous, extremely GORGEOUS. He makes me smile. He really does. And nothing makes me happier than making his tiny little face light up with a smile followed by a giggle or a laugh. He has been such a breath of fresh air for not only myself but also to my sister and her husband. We all just cannot imagine a life without Dylan...

Well I shall leave it here for now. Please continue to pray for all our friends battling. Although I haven't been able to sign guestbooks for awhile now, I still think of many of the children each day and keep them in my prayers. Never give up.

Love, Janice

PS: Happy mother's day, mum. Love you & miss you <3

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Dear Mom,

Today, five years ago, you left this world to be in a much better place. Although it has been five years, 1825 days to be exact, I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember what you were wearing. I remember what I was wearing. I remember what the hospital smelt like. I remember every minute. The second you took your last breath, with your family by your side, a part of me went with you. My world changed in an instant and I knew that life would never be the same. And it isn’t.

When you died, I honestly believed that I could never be truly happy again. Five years on and… I guess I was wrong. I AM HAPPY. You are still so very much in my heart and in my mind. It took me a long time to get to where I am emotionally. But I am here, and I am happy. And I know that you are relieved that I can say that I am happy.

Since you’ve been gone, so much has happened in my life. Where do I start? Well, you’ll be glad to know that I graduated from university. It was the hardest semester of my life, having to face finals so soon after I lost you, but I did it. I don’t know how, but I did. I found myself a man. He is absolutely wonderful. Words cannot describe what he means to me. There aren’t enough beautiful words to do so. He is the reason I am where I am today emotionally without you. He has picked me up so many times through my grieving. Just to give you a snapshot of how wonderful he is, he buys me flowers on your birthday. He always remembers special dates like your birthday, your death anniversary and he always makes me feel extra loved on those days. I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. We have also bought our first home which has been extremely exciting. It has been the biggest step in our relationship and we have never been this happy. Also, since you’ve been gone, I’ve started working full-time. I made the big leap into the working world. A big change from living the student life but it’s been great. I love it. I have also managed to do a little traveling, seeing things and experiencing things I never thought I’d experience. I’ve made even more friends over the past few years, friends I know I’ll keep for a long, long time. Your grandson, Dylan, was born earlier this year and boy is he a beautiful baby. You would’ve had such an awesome time being a grandmother. He is the most delightful baby and brings so much joy to those who love him.

Mom, when you died, my heart was so incredibly heavy from the sadness of your physical presence leaving us, but at the same time the relief that overcame me was unimaginable. Although we knew your time left with us was short, nothing could’ve prepared us for your death. You fought a hard, long battle, so bravely and so graciously that you deserved peace more than anything. I hope you know that you remain my inspiration in all that I do in my life…

Love, Janice
xoxo

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Dear friends,

I decided to come on here today to say hello to all who still pop by every now and then although I unofficially ended my Caringbridge journaling months ago. The counter at the bottom seems to keep going up so I know there are people still coming by! Thank you all :)

You'll also be delighted to know that I have added some new photos to the photo album of my most beautiful nephew, Dylan. He is simply gorgeous :) If you can believe it, Dylan is now seven months old and growing! It has been so exciting watching him grow, from a tiny newborn to the seven month old that he is now... his personality is showing more, he can now sit up unsupported, he has two teeth growing, he has started on solids... he is amazing!! I love him to bits! Enjoy the photos :)

It's also quite hard to believe that this Saturday will be five whole years since mum left us to be in a better place. I miss her terribly and not a day goes by where I don't think of her. She is still very much in my mind and in my heart.

I guess that's all for now... please pray for all the beautiful children fighting this horrible disease. Have a wonderful week.

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, May 14, 2007

Hi everyone,

Happy belated mother's day to all you mums out there! I hope you were all spoilt rotten and shown the love you deserve :)

Well, this will be somewhat a sad journal, but an extremely grateful one at the same time. I have decided to to stop journaling on Caringbridge for now, possible forever. I started this website nearly four years ago in memory of my wonderful, brave mother. I feel like the time has come where I am able to remember her in my heart, in my memory, in photos of her I surround myself with. The past four years on Caringbridge have been more than amazing.. I have met so many beautiful and brave kids on here... each one has opened my eyes, my heart and my mind in ways I could never imagine possible. I have made some wonderful friends on here and I will continue to visit the kids on Caringbridge, showing my support, spreading the cheer and love as much as I can...

It has been almost five years since mum left us and I have to say that the day mum died, I never imagined myself to be the way I am today. I didn't think it was possible to go on... I didn't think it was possible to be one hundred percent happy again. But I am. It has taken me awhile to get here but I can say that I am happy, and if there is anything my mum taught me, it would be to make the most of what you've got, to make the most of life, to never take anything or anyone for granted and to always thank my lucky stars. Because I AM LUCKY. In every way.

I guess before I go, I just wanted to say thank you to each and everyone of you who've supported me in any and every way... to those who've left those really, really special, wonderful messages in the guestbook... who've said such lovely things about my mum, myself and my family. Who've prayed for me and my family... who've sent birthday cards, christmas cards, letters, emails, messages... to those who've introduced me to the many, many kids here on CB... THANK YOU ALL. I don't know where to begin to express all my gratitude to everyone.

Caringbridge has been an amazing, spiritual journey for me... and it will always be a part of my life. I have had so many memories and stories shared on here of my mother. It's been a real special place.

Thank you all for reading these past years.

Till next time,
All my love,
Janice

PS: Happy Mother's Day in Heaven, mum. Miss you and love you.

I hope you enjoyed my update! Please sign my guestbook and visit me again! Lots of hugs and kisses to all of you!

~Roses For My Mother~

If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for awhile.
Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.

~Only One Mother~

Hundreds of stars in the pretty sky.
Hundreds of shells on the shore together.
Hundreds of birds that go singing by.
Hundreds of lambs in the sunny weather.
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees to greet the clover.
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn.
But only one mother the whole world over.

~If Tomorrow Starts Without Me~

When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love,
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life,
I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe sec you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow,
But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the game way
There's he longing for the past,
You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were, times
You did some things
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come mid take my hand
And share my life with me.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

~I'm Your Angel~

No mountain's too high
for your to climb,
All you have to do
is have some climbing faith.

No river's too wide
for you to make it across,
All you have to do
is believe it when you pray.

And then you will see
the morning will come,
And everyday will be
bright as the sun,

All of your fears
cast them on me,
I just want you to see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky,
I'll be your shoulder when you cry,
I'll hear your voices when you call me,
I am your angel.

And when all hope is gone, I'm here,
No matter how far you are, I'm near,
It makes no difference who you are,
I am your angel...
I'm your angel...

I saw the tear drops,
and I heard you cry.
All you need is time,
seek me and you shall find,

You have everything and you're lonely,
It don't have to be this way,
let me show you a better day.

And then you will see
the morning will come,
And everyday will be
bright as the sun,

All of your fears
cast them on me,
How can I make you see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky,
I'll be your shoulder when you cry,
I'll hear your voices when you call me,
I am your angel.

And when all hope is gone, I'm here,
No matter how far you are, I'm near,
It makes no difference who you are,

And when it's time to face the storm,
I'll be right by your side,
Grace will keep us safe and warm,
I know we will survive.

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near,
Don't you dare give up the fight,
Just put your trust beyond the skies....

I'll be your cloud up in the sky,
I'll be your shoulder when you cry,
I'll hear your voices when you call me,
I am your angel.

And when all hope is gone, I'm here,
No matter how far you are, I'm near,
It makes no difference who you are,
I am your angel,
I'm your angel...

~I Am Not Gone~

I am not gone, I am changed.
Have faith and please believe me.
God did not take me away from you,
He split the skies and received me.
Now....
I'm an echo in your laughter,
a reflection in your tears,
an extra thread of strength
to help you overcome your fears.
I'm an added ray of sunshine,
more joy for you to share,
a fragrance of the life you live.
Wherever you are - I am there.

~Terri McPherson~

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Hi everyone!

I have put some new photos up of Dylan, so do check out the photo album! Who can believe that in another week or so, he will be three months old. He's doing very well and can be quite the smiley baby.

Well not much to update except to say that I am off on another camp next weekend! I'm pretty excited and can't wait! I have been buddied up with two boys again, both five years old (almost six), so again, I'm sure my hands will be completely full. I am still enjoying my volunteering experiences and still cannot believe how glad I am to have joined up. About a month ago, I volunteered at the children's hospital, which was a great night. Once a month at the children's, Challenge arranges a dinner for the parents of kids in the wards. They put on a three course meal and all the parents have a feast and are able to socialise with one another. I think it's a fantastic idea. So while the parents are busy stuffing their faces, us volunteers go and sit with the kids, mosly one-on-one, entertaining them or even just to have a chat if they feel like it. So last month when I was at the children's, I buddied up with a sixteen year old girl, Grace. She was an awesome girl. It was quite different for me since in my whole volunteering experience I've only been with the little ones (under six), so a sixteen year old was certainly different. We chatted about school, friends, family, vacations and tv shows. We watched tv, had a bit of a laugh and that was that. I hope I was able to cheer her up a little that night. My experiences with Challenge have certainly taught me abit over the past year.

Well, I shall leave this here and get back to my study. Not sure if I mentioned on here before but I started a financial planning course earlier this year and it's been going well so far :)

Please continue to pray for all our warriors on CB and other who aren't. As always, thanks for checking in!

Love always,
Janice

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Hi everyone,

Sorry for letting such a long time go by without an update... I guess life just happens. If that makes sense. I don't think I'll make this one a long or detailed update, only because I have to get a move on dinner tonight, but I did want to come on and say hello after a long time and to thank everyone who continues to check in, who continues to think of my family and for all your support!

I logged on a couple of weeks ago and was totally amazed to see that the visitor counter below reached 90,000. Wow. It's been nearly four years since I started this website in memory of my mum and I've met some amazing people on here. I wish I had as much time as I had the first year I discovered CaringBridge to get on here and sign everyone's guestbooks... but unfortunately that's not the case these days. Reading back on all the guestbook entries people left on this site has also made me realise just how supportive this network has been and continues to be for me.

Well, I guess that's it for now... I'll definitely be back with a longer update! Also, my little nephew Dylan is doing fantastic. He is just so extremely adorable and brings so much joy to our family especially to his mum and dad. They are adjusting well to being first time parents and doing a great job. Dylan is also doing a great job growing his little butt off! He has started smiling, has discovered his little fists by sucking on them and is pretty steady with holding his neck up. He's also sleeping quite well most nights and is just so cute! I could be a little biased but oh well!!!

So again thank you all for your support over the last few years! It means everything.

Love, Janice

Monday, February 5, 2007

************************************

~*~*11th February*~*~
Please check out photos of Dylan in the album! Told ya, he was gorgeous :)

************************************

Dear family & friends,

At 8.12am on 1st February 2007, we welcomed to this world, Dylan Dean Unkles. He was born weighing 6 pounds 13 ounces (3.110kg), 47 cm long. He is so cute and so perfect! Dylan and mommy Karen are doing fantastic. Both Karen & Dean are over the moon with their little boy. They have been in the hospital since Dylan was born last Thursday but they will be going home sweet home this morning.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers!! We're all so happy he's finally here, very well and healthy!

PS: Photos to come very soon!

Love, Aunty Janice

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Any day now!!! Please pray for the safe arrival of our newest addition and for mommy to be all well and healthy too!

Thanks a bunch,
Aunty-to-be Janice

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

*************************************************
~Update: 17th January~

Hi everyone,
Just wanted to come on here to let you know that Mark needs all the prayers he can get right now... he's not doing so good and could use a ton of prayers. His family could use the support too... please visit his site. Thank you so much... keep fighting, Mark!!!

***************************************************

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

2007, bring it on! I hope you've all had a great start to the new year... as for me, my new year started out great- I was on leave for a week. It was awesome to take a break away from work. Marcus and I spent New Years Eve over the border of New South Wales in a tiny country town called Deniliquin. We were by the Edwards River and it was soooo quiet and peaceful up there... we had a blast! However, I came back to a truckload of work at the office :(

Anyway, just wanted to come on and wish you all a great new year... I hope 2007 is a happy and prosperous one for each of you... and that your goals are achieved, your dreams and wishes come true.

We are so anxiously waiting for the newest addition to our family... Karen is doing great despite sore feet and occasionally feeling exhausted. She only has 3 weeks or so to go... I can't believe how time has flown. Before we know it, we'll have a little baby in our arms to cuddle! Dad will be arriving in Melbourne on the 19th... so we can't wait either! Our family will be together again to welcome the little fella.

Most likely the next time I post, will be to announce some wonderful news :) Please continue your prayers for a smooth rest of the pregnancy and safe arrival of my baby nephew... and don't forget our friends on CB! Thank you so much!

Love,
Janice

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Hi everyone!

How was your Christmas?? I hope you've all had a beautiful and blessed Christmas this year and that Santa was good to you :) I've had a wonderful Christmas this year.. extremely blessed, extremely lucky. We spent Christmas Eve at Karen & Dean's this year... had a nice BBQ lunch, shared laughs and presents. It was great. Once again, Christmas Day, Marcus' family so lovingly and openly welcomed me to spend the day at their home with a HUGE Christmas lunch. The food was so good!! And we were spoilt rotten. Being so busy at work these days, I try and take the time to sit back and just reflect at how lucky I am and how good my life is. I know Marcus shares this with me too and we often acknowlege to ourselves just how lucky we are. I am extremely lucky to have my family and friends around me... they are all so supportive and so loving. I have no idea what I'd do without them. I have such a great boyfriend and friend in Marcus too. He has done so much for me and with me the past four years. I am so lucky that I have a job, people that I love working with. I am lucky to have my health. Being in a family where cancer has taken many a loved one, you tend to realise just how important health is... no amount of money can make you happy if you don't have your health. And of course, my beautiful mother remains my every-moment, every-day inspiration... her battle motivates me to eat right, to get fit, to have goals, to work towards those goals, to love everyone, to be more compassionate, more passionate, more empathetic, to be smart, to thrive, to succeed, to make the most of every moment, to treasure life, to appreciate what's around me, to see the little things in life, to be all that I can be, to believe in God, to believe that our spirit, our soul still lives after we die, to believe that there is a Heaven up there, to hope that we will one day meet again, to not lose hope or faith in everything I do, whatever I do. To be myself.

I am so looking forward to the New Year... I feel it so strongly that this new year is gonna bring so many new experiences, new beginnings within all aspects of my life. My family.. my friends. The best thing of not knowing what the future holds is the surprises we get around the corner... sure, the surprises can be 'bad' ones but there goes the optimistic part of me believing that everything happens for a reason. Of course it does... why else did my mother get drawn the cancer card eight years ago? Why else is she not here with us now?

So, as we welcome the New Year, I hope you all have a FANTASTIC one... celebrate hard, be safe, appreciate all that you've got, don't regret what you don't have, love each other, be kind, be generous, be compassionate... HAPPY 2007 and I'll see ya'll on the flipside :)

Lots of love, Janice

PS: Baby Nephew is NEARRRRRLY here!! Karen is doing well, finished up at work last week and has officially started her 12-month maternity leave. Please continue your much appreciated prayers for the safe arrival of our little fella :) Thank you!!!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Dear family & friends,

Just here to wish you all a beautiful and wonderful Christmas!! Keep safe in all that you do, but most importantly, have lots of fun, laughs and share the love around... I hope this Christmas brings you all that you've hoped and dreamed for... and to those who are on a tough and difficult road, I'm thinking of you and praying endlessly! MERRY CHRISTMAS to each of you from the bottom of my heart :)

Lots of love,
Janice

PS: As you can tell from the ticker below, not long to go till my baby nephew makes his arrival into this world!!! It's so exciting!!! :)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Hi everyone!

Long time no post, yes I know! Is it just me, or do things seem to get really crazy this time of the year? Work has been EXTREMELY busy and hectic for me... I might even use the word 'stressful' but I wanna try and stay positive here! Let's not get into work :)

Well, all is well this side of the world... Melbourne has been HOT. Last weekend was just absolutely horrible. I think we hit 38 degrees last Saturday and 42 degrees on Sunday. It was totally unbearable. Karen's baby shower was on the very hot Sunday... as always, the show had to go on, so besides being really hot, everyone had fun :) The shower was a success! Karen had a great time and she got lots of cute baby gifts. Her friends and family were extremely generous! Things are going extremely well with Karen and Baby. Her belly is growing by the day and our little fella has his head already positioned downwards all ready to come into this world! Hang in there though, he still has another 7-8 weeks to go! We're all getting VERY excited. The nursery has been set up and it looks very cute.. now all we need is a little baby to make the picture complete :)

I can't believe Christmas is coming up so soon... it's like the year just went by in a flash. I hope next year doesn't go too quickly. It always seems like there's so many things to do but so little time to do everything. I'm looking forward to the new year as well... with my first nephew's arrival, there's no better way to kickstart the new year! Also, there will be alot of volunteering in the new year, which I'm looking forward to.

Well I can't think of anything else to journal about at this point in time so I just want to wish everyone a VERY, VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope everyone keeps safe, has lots of fun and is thankful for everything they're blessed with. I know I am.

Lots of love,
Janice

Friday, November 24, 2006

Hi everyone!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I hope ya'll had a feast... I don't know why we don't celebrate it here in Australia... I would so welcome a new tradition to celebrate! Turkey.. cranberry... and giving thanks... what more could you want?!

Well, Cops & Kids Camp has been and gone! I had a fantastic time, as always... my two 5 year old boys were cute, gorgeous and a handfull- all rolled into one! It was a real challenge being their leader but I honestly enjoyed every moment of it. I say this to myself everyday and I mean every single word of it- I am so happy that I decided to volunteer with Challenge. The more I volunteer with them, the more amazing they seem to me. They give so much to the kids and their families. It's really such an experience. Oh, and SO much fun :) The camp ran over four days... four very filled days! We stayed at the Sovereign Hill Lodge in Ballarat. Fantastic place out in the country, very, very peaceful and scenic. From the moment we got to Ballarat till the moment we left, we were busy busy busy... having fun. The kids got to do alot... at Ballarat Airport there were DC3 plane rides, helicopter rides, jewellrey making, plaster fun house, jumping castles... and all that on the first day. The second day, we spend half the day at Lake Wendouree... it was such a sad sight seeing the lake totally empty as we go through this horrible draught. It made me remember our farmers and what a tough time they're going through. Anyway, back to camp... at Lake Wendouree, the kids went on motorbike rides (my boys' favourite!), side cars, Mac trucks, police cars... it was awesome. I went on the Mac trucks and had a total blast. Those trucks are huge! In the afternoon we went back to Ballarat Airport where we got to go on light plane rides, watch the police show band (which were awesome!) and eat tons of snow cones... oh and we also got to see police cars drag race. That was pretty cool. After the airport, we all went back to the lodge for a really cool magic show. The first two days were hectic and super busy... a very good thing on camp since the fuller and busier the days, the more the kids get worn out and by the time bedtime rolls around, they're out like a light! Hehe.
The third day was really hot in Ballarat. We headed next door to Sovereign Hill where the kids got to pan for gold. I didn't have much luck but some of the other kids did. After a stinking hot morning, we cooled off at the local pool... it was soooooo good to be able to jump into the pool being so hot outside. The kids loved it. We spent a good couple of hours there before heading out to a special dinner at the Bluebird Hotel. Our last day, we spent practically the entire morning packing. If you want a real challenge, try going on camp and sharing a cabin with two other leaders and five 5 year old boys. And then try packing all their stuff after everything out of their bags have been thrown around the room after four days. Uhhh, NOT EASY. Eventually we managed to figure out whose socks was whose, whose shorts were whose since all of their clothes all looked alike and were all the same sizes. After breakfast and packing, we headed off to the Ballarat Wildlife Park which was unreal... the kids got to feed the kangaroos, koalas and even watch a crocodile being fed. It was no Australia Zoo but was still a really good treat. After the wildlife park, we headed to McDonalds for lunch which the kids just loved of course. I think some kids were more excited about McDonalds than any other activity on camp.. hehe. After lunch, we headed to an adventure park in Ballarat which was really an oversized playground with super cool playground equipment. There was also an ice cream van at the playground and the kids got unlimited ice cream... NICE. We also took heaps of group shots of all the campers which was fun.

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend... and I'm itching to go on my next! I've made some new friends through volunteering and they are all extremely lovely people. There are so many young volunteers (my age) which is awesome and there are also older volunteers (in their 40's and 50's) who are a really good bunch of people too! The only sad moment I had on camp was when one I got talking to one of the volunteers and I asked him how he got involved with Challenge. He mentioned that his six year old son died of cancer 10 years ago. It truly broke my heart. This guy was like the nicest, coolest guy around.. he's been volunteering for YEARS, all the kids LOVE him on camp and he's so, so good with the kids.. and so when I learnt that he lost his own son so many years ago, it actually brought a tear to my eye. I just couldn't imagine what it must be like to have lost your six year old child, and then years later volunteer at a camp with so many kids around the same age as his own kid was at the time he died... such an inspiration.

So there you have it, another one of my volunteer experiences! I'm sure there's heaps more to come... I'll be volunteering at the Robert Allenby Gala Dinner this Monday... should be a good one :) I'm sure alot of money will be raised.

Have a great and safe weekend everyone!

Love, Janice

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!!!!!!!

Today is my dad's 61st birthday... if you knew him or saw him, you wouldn't think he was a day over 50. My dad never looks his age. Hopefully this runs in the family! :)

Well, not much to post, just wanted to come on and wish my dad a happy birthday. I also have the latest photo of Karen and her pregnant belly.. so check out the photo page! She is now in her 28th week! How time flies..

I still remember when we first found out she was pregnant... this was back in June... I was so happy. I'm so extremely excited and just can't wait to welcome my little nephew into the world. Karen has been doing extremely well so far in her pregnancy... oh and I even felt him move and kick this past weekend :) It was awesome. Please pray for the final leg of her pregnancy to go just as smoothly!

On to other news, I will be going to Cops & Kids Camp next weekend! It runs from 17th - 20th November and the camp is at Sovereign Hill, Ballarat, a couple of hours out of Melbourne. I can't wait... I've been buddied up with two little 5 year old boys. Kinda scary since I only just managed to keep up with a six year old girl at the last camp... so it's really gonna be interesting to see how I cope with two boys! I'm looking forward to camp :) I'll be sure to take lots of photos this time and come back with some cute stories.

Today is also four years and two months since we last held mum. I cannot describe how much she is missed by our family... I know Karen is really wishing she was here to go through her pregnancy with her. If only. I've had a few dreams of mum lately but it's so frustrating coz I wake up not remembering what it was about... I just know she was in my dreams. I can't believe how much time has passed... in a few months, the amount of time we've been without mum will be the same amount of time she lived with cancer... WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU MUM.

Love, Janice

Monday, October 30, 2006

Hi everyone!

First of all...

*****HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!******

I hope you're all having spooky and fun Halloween celebrations! It's not really celebrated here in Australia so I've been having fun going round the sites and seeing really cool decorations up!

I know I haven't journaled in awhile.. whoops! So here is a quick update on what's been going on...

Adrian is now working in his first full-time job ever. He's joined a small computing firm and he's doing something related to his degree which is good. He seems to be liking it and learning quite alot so hopefully he will be there for awhile.

Karen is VERY pregnant! She is getting bigger by the week... she is now in her 27th week and is more than half way there. Oh and they're having a boy!!! IT'S A BOY :) We are all thrilled to pieces... Karen & Dean weren't sure if they were going to keep the sex a surprise to everyone (but themselves) but they eventually decided to tell everyone the sex of their baby. I've been buying lots of blue. His name however will be kept a surprise until we meet him. Her due date is still end of January... I cannot wait. He's not even here yet and I'm already spoiling him like there's no tomorrow... I've bought heaps of baby clothes- which I've stopped buying for now, there's only so many clothes a new baby can wear! Karen is feeling good. She hasn't had any difficulties with her pregnancy which is great... so please pray for the rest of her pregnancy to go just as well. They haven't set the nursery up yet but I'm thinking they'll have to get onto that soon.

As for me, nothing too exciting has been happening on my side. Two weeks ago, Marcus and I travelled up to Queensland for 6 days. It was awesome. We went up to Brisbane to visit a couple of friends. We managed to visit Australia Zoo which was such a fantastic experience. If you're in Australia and haven't been there, you should definitely make a visit! If you're outside of Australia and haven't been there, make your way there! It is a definite must visit. I honestly think Steve Irwin has done more than a spectacular job for himself and his family. The zoo is beautiful... there are so many animals and they all look like they just LOVE being at the zoo. The surroundings of the zoo were just completely spotless.. I've never seen a zoo so clean. The zookeepers all look like they love their jobs. It was just a really good day and so worth the money and trip. They had heaps of croc/bird/snake shows and were very educational. It has definitely made it to the top of some of my favourite memories :) We also spent two nights in Byron Bay which is actually in New South Wales but near the Queensland border. The beaches there were amazing! They were the closest I've been to aqua blue/green water and white sand :) We had a really nice time with our friends!

Yesterday, I volunteered at the Ride 4 Kids day at Barabool, Geelong. Challenge which is the charity organisation that I'm a volunteer with organised this fundraiser and it was so much fun. Early start (I had to wake up at 5.45am!) but definitely a good day! I saw many volunteers whom I met at Junior Camp back in July so it was really fun catching up with them. I'm really enjoying my volunteer work so much. More than I thought I would. I've signed up for Cops & Kids camp next month so fingers crossed I'll be able to attend the camp :)

Well that's all that's been happening off late... we're nearing summer and I can't wait for it to finally get here. We've been getting some awesome spring weather but still in desperate need of some rain. Our poor farmers aren't doing too well at all :(

So until next post... take care and thanks for checking in!

Lots of love,
Janice

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Dearest mum,

Happy Birthday in Heaven... we love you.

Always in my heart,
Janice
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Friday, September 8, 2006

********************************************************

*~*~Update: 10th September~*~*

Hi everyone,

Just wanted ya'll to know that I've added some new photos the site! Go check 'em out :) Also, tomorrow was a very sad day for our world five years ago... please remember all those who lost their lives and fought to help save lives on that very sad day. Remember their friends and families, and also the survivors who live through the nightmare every single day. God bless!

PS: Love you mum!

Janice

*******************************************************************

~May I Go Now~

May I go now? Do you think the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain-filled days and endless lonely nights?
I’ve lived my life and done my best, an example tried to be
So can I take that step beyond and set my Spirit free?
I didn’t want to go at first; I fought with all my might,
But something seems to draw me now to a warm and glowing light.
I want to go – I really do, it’s difficult to stay
But I will try as best I can to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me and share your love and fears.
I know you’re sad and afraid, because I see your tears.
I’ll not be far, I promise that. And hope you’ll always know
That my spirit will be close to you wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me, you know I love you too.
That why it’s hard to say good-bye and end this time with you.
So hold me now, just one more time and let me hear you say
Because you care so much for me, you’ll let me go away.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Dearest mum,

You have been in Heaven for four years now. WOW. You must've gotten used to the beautiful views from up there huh? Well, we miss you so much here. I think our family is doing okay... you can be sure that we are sticking together, we are still so much a family just like when you were with us. Except now, we each have a part missing from our hearts, our souls... you have never left our thoughts, especially mine. Everything I do in my life, I have you in the back of my mind... you remain the inspiration in all that I do... whether it is to give 100 percent in my job everyday... whether it is to be nice to the old stranger on the train and give him my seat... whether it is to give something back to our community through volunteering... everything I do, is because of you, for you and for the better person I'm trying to make myself become. I think everyone copes in such different ways... mum, I may make it sound like some sort of Olympic achievement, but I am so glad and so proud that I am able to talk about you to anyone who is willing to hear, who wants to hear, without tearing up... without choking back tears. I can talk about you and smile. I can talk about you and laugh. I thought this day would never come that I would be able to do that... but it has. It really doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I think it just means that I'm dealing with it and coping better... thank you for giving me the strength when I need it and ask for it.

Mum, I cannot wait to see you beautiful face again... you are forever in my thoughts, my prayers, my dreams. We have a new addition to our family soon as we only wish you could be here to witness it all. Please watch over Karen as she faces all the excitement, challenges and everything that comes with being a first time mother... I know she will need you more than any of us while she goes through her pregnancy and after. She wishes you were here to show her the ropes.

Happy 4th anniversary in Heaven, mum... please visit me in my dreams... we love you.

Forever in my heart,
Janice

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*~*~UPDATE: 7th September*~*~

It is with such a heavy heart that I tell you, beautiful Bailee has gone to Heaven. I am speechless and am just so saddened to hear of her passing... she was a good kid, deserved a good break from the hospital but never got it... please keep her family in your prayers. Thanks. September is a sad, sad month for so many reasons...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, September 4, 2006 8:02 AM CDT

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*~*~UPDATE: 7th September*~*~

It is with such a heavy heart that I tell you, beautiful Bailee has gone to Heaven. I am speechless and am just so saddened to hear of her passing... she was a good kid, deserved a good break from the hospital but never got it... please keep her family in your prayers. Thanks. September is a sad, sad month for so many reasons...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We lost a legend of man today... I simply cannot believe that Steve Irwin has died. It is too sad to comprehend. I was such a huge fan of his and have always wanted to visit Australia Zoo... when I heard the news today, it felt like the day we heard Princess Diana died. Just one of those moments you don't think you can believe what is in fact the truth. Steve Irwin was a true blue Aussie and we are all so devastated to learn of his death here in Australia... today, I kept thinking... Steve Irwin is just one of those people you come across in our lifetime that the world would not have a clue what to do if we lost him... today is a very sad day.

It's equally as hard to believe that in four days, it will be four years since mum took her last breath and her first steps into Heaven. I hate to say that 'time flies'.. unfortunately the amount of heartache still felt has not decreased in proportion. I still miss her every single day... still wonder what would've been or could've been... our family talk about her as much as we can... we recall memories of her as often as we can... it's nowhere as awesome as the real thing of having her with us, but at least we have memories to hold onto. I don't think it has gotten easier four years on... I think we just sort of learn how to cope... if I couldn't learn how to cope, I'd be a wreck. It is a saviour for me to have a life I'm excited to lead, to have a truly wonderful, supportive boyfriend, to have good friends and to have the family I have. If I didn't have any of those... I would've been long gone.

Please keep my family in your prayers as we approach the fourth anniversary of my mum's death. And also to the many families whose loved one's anniversaries fall around this time of the year... particularly those we lost on 9/11.

Love, Janice

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Hi everyone,

Another long stretch between updates... sorry, no excuses this time! We have had dad in Melbourne the past 3 1/2 weeks... he flew back to KL today :( It was really great having him here the past few weeks... I hate goodbyes, it's always sad... I know we'll be seeing him again in a few months and I am a fully grown woman with my own life, but every time he leaves, I still feel like I'm 10 years old and the warm security of having a parent around me seems to disappear just as he leaves :( I can't explain the feeling.. hope I'm making sense.

Well where should I start. My birthday was really nice.. extremely low key. Marcus and I planned a beautiful dinner for the family at our favourite restaurant, The Point, on Albert Park Lake. I can't remember if I've mentioned this restaurant on here before, but we LOVE it... it's a very poshy, fine dining restaurant with superb food... especially if you love a good steak (which Marcus does).. the service is second to none (your glass of water is never empty!).. and the selection of wines and food on the menu is unbelievable. Needless to say we had a good dinner on my birthday :) I have never been a big fan of throwing huge parties on my birthdays so this low key, family event was just nice I thought. I also bought myself a digital camera (as a birthday present!) so we took quite a few photos in the past few weeks.. I'll be sure to put some up soon!

Last weekend was Adrian's graduation. THE BOY HAS GRADUATED!!! His graduation ceremony (same university as me) was much smaller than mine.. it went on for it's routine 1 1/2 hours... dad, Karen, Marcus, myself and Adrian's girlfriend Cheryl attended the ceremony. It was nice... Adrian was one of the very first ones up on stage getting his scroll... I did not manage to get a good picture of him getting up on stage (it all went so quickly!!) but we've got plenty of him after the ceremony.

We also spent last Sunday to Tuesday down at Karen & Dean's holiday home in Red Hill... the weather was GREAT.. we had perfect winter days the whole time we were there... we enjoyed lunching at various wineries and also did a heap of wine tasting... poor Karen being the 'pregnant lady' (as we call her!) was the designated driver :)

We've managed to spend a fair bit of time together as a family the past few weeks which has been awesome... we really don't get that much time with dad so it was nice having him with us here. I think he handled the cold pretty well seeing that he's not a 'winter' person at all.. I think what made our time together even more special this time is the fact that the next time we're all together (in January 2007), there will be a long awaited new addition to our family :) We are all so happy and just cannot wait for him/her to join us... I know dad is really happy he's going to be a grandfather and I'm sure part of him wishes that mum was here to experience it with him. It's probably hard on Karen as well seeing that it's her first time being prengant and she's going to be a mother for the first time ever but she doesn't have her own mother here with her to show her the ropes... but we are all supporting her in every way we can... this baby is going to be sooooo loved and spoilt!! Karen's belly is already showing... she is showing most signs of being pregnant, the most distinct being that she's ALWAYS hungry and we mean ALWAYS... haha. The last scan she had which was on the 25th of July went great and the doctor said that her pregnancy is progressing smoothly and beautifully. They had a DVD made of the scan and we could hear the baby's heartbeat, see its brain, heart, spine, arms and everything!!! It was amazing.. I can't wait to see a more detailed scan which will happen in a few weeks I think. She is now nearly in her 17th week.

Well that's all for now, guys! I'm not sure if many of you still check in, but if you do, thanks for stopping by!! I appreciate all your wonderful thoughts, prayers and messages... please continue to pray for Karen's pregnancy to go as smoothly as possible... and pray for our friends on CaringBridge who need it :) Until next time... adios!

PS: Photos to come!! Stay tuned!!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Hi everyone!

Holy cow it's August??!! Happy August anyway! Well, where do I start... life sure has been busy and very 'filled' these days... what with work/friends/family... I don't wish any of it differently. To start with, dad is currently in Melbourne for a 3 1/2 week visit which is great. I don't think he's let the cold get the better of him! We celebrated Adrian's birthday last Sunday (30th July)... the boy is now 22 years old... unbelievable. What's even more unbelievable is that I'll be celebrating my 25th birthday this Saturday... no complaints, of course. I have learnt to appreciate birthdays now... not everyone is lucky to see another birthday roll past... for example, a colleague of mine very unexpectedly lost her father yesterday... it was so sad... so yes, I'm looking forward to my birthday and appreciating every single moment of it. Even if it makes me a quarter of a century old and another 40 years till I can retire (that is if I haven't already won tattslotto). I bought myself a digital camera as a birthday present so there'll be tons of photos to put up! Stay tuned!

With other news, Karen & Dean have purchased a holiday house down the Mornington Peninsula in a beautiful town called Red Hill.. the area is full of trees and it's very green and peaceful... not too far from the beach either. They have gone halves in this house with our cousin Carolyn and her husband Nathan. Good investment for both families! I can see alot of summer spent down that way... last weekend, we went down to see the house for the first time... the house itself needs abit of work which they're busy with at the moment, but once it's all done up, it's going to look great.

For some even bigger news, wait for it... Karen is PREGNANT! Yes!!!!! We are all over the moon and just so incredibly happy and excited... the baby is due around 31st January 2007. I wish it was closer!!! Karen is doing fine... the first couple of months she felt extremely exhausted but it's slowly getting better now. She also had a bit of morning sickness which has since disappeared. She is only showing very slightly but her jeans are getting tighter! Haha. Our family is just so happy. Especially me, I burst into tears when I heard the great news.. happy tears of course! I've always loved babies and kids and have always dreamed of becoming an aunty. I only have to wait another 5 months or so... :) Please keep Karen in your prayers for a smooth pregnancy... I know she has mum looking over her from Heaven. Mum would've been ecstatic with the news. We all so wish she was here to be a grandmother... she would've been the best grandmother every... and that is an understatement too.

Well, I'll leave it at that for now :) I'll be sure to update on how Karen is progressing till we meet our new addition to the family... next year is gonna be a big year, I can feel it! In the mean time, I'll be keeping up the prayers for all our friends who need them most... take care!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Hi everyone!

Oops, I didn't get to journal before Junior Camp, sorry! But here I am :) Junior Camp was amazing, excellent, exhausting, fun and completely full of surprises... I loved it. I can't believe it's been and gone and I've had my very first experience as a volunteer. I loved every second of it and I know being a volunteer is really something I would love to commit myself to for as long as I can (the rest of my life hopefully!). I signed up to be a volunteer with Challenge in February this year... I waited an anxious couple of months before my application was processed and finalised and I was invited to a volunteer training session at the end of May. It was a great night and I really learnt more of Challenge and what this amazing organisation is all about... it purely supports children with cancer and the things they do for the kids is just undescribable. They truly reach out to the kids and their families. Anyway, so my first opportunity to attend one of their many many camps came up and of course I put my hand right up. It's all based on selection so I was thrilled to bits when I got the letter that I'd been selected to join the camp as a volunteer.. because the camp was for 4 - 8 year olds, the volunteers were paired up one on one as the little ones need more attentions as opposed to the older kids who are a bit more independent.

My little girl, Molly, was six years old and she was gorgeous. We only met on the morning of camp and her entire family was there to say goodbye. Molly didn't have cancer but her little four year old sister did and she was going on the camp as well... I have to tell you though, I don't spend much time with anyone under the age of 21 seeing that I don't have any little nieces or nephews or young cousins...but these kids on camp were just so full of life and so, so funny... it was so great to just have fun, be silly, act silly all weekend and listen to their stories, their worries, their little comments... just everything. It was a real breath of fresh air for me and I loved every single moment of it.

Camp started with a morning session at an indoor play centre and boy can those kids wear me out in 2 hours!! It was fun though. After a quick, light lunch at the play centre, we headed off by bus to Camp Manyung at Mount Eliza. It was soooooo beautiful, right on the beach with spectacular views of the water... only about an hours drive or so from Melbourne. I've never been on a more fun or loud bus before! As soon as we got to camp, we were assigned our cabins.. eight people to a cabin (four leaders, four kiddies). Molly and I quickly unpacked and wer were ready to start the activities... all day long we did arts and crafts, cooking, jumped on the jumping castle, played sport, visited the petting zoo and heaps more... that night, the kids had an interesting storyteller before bed. The kids had a very active, hectic and fun first day at camp. The kiddies were in bed by 8.30am and us leaders were up playing cards all night!! Made some good memories there.. I've been nicknamed "Newbie" as I was new to volunteering, new to camp, new to the card games... apparently I fitted right in and it's good if you survive your first camp with a nickname :) I'm just one of 'em!

The next day (and last day) was just as jam-packed with activities for the kids... we started out with a big breakfast. Then it went on to more arts and crafts and an amazing magic show. And I really mean amazing. Even I couldn't figure out how Crazy Pete did all that magic... I was watching so closely to find faults but no such luck! The kids had a huge surprise as they were given out costumes after the magic show... the boys had super-hero outfits- Spiderman, Batman, Power Rangers etc. And the girls had fairy/princess outfits... they all looked so gorgeous and cute! The local firemen and policemen also came by that morning with their firetruck and police cars so the kids could have a ride in them... they had a ball with that. Another really great thing they had was a face painter. She was amazing! She did a really good job with the kids' faces... I wanted my face painted too but held back :) At the end of the morning, the kids' parents came for a nice BBQ lunch and took the kids home after. Us volunteers sat on the bus back to Melbourne.. it was so strangely quiet and alot of us caught up on sleep on the bus :)

I know I've used the word "amazing" about a thousand times in this journal but that's really what the entire weekend was... amazing. It felt so good to be there with the kids, playing with them, watching out for them, seeing them have so much fun... I have never seen anyone laugh so hard at a magic show, I can honestly tell you that it brought tears to my eyes. Everyone has said to me that it was a really good thing that I did or that they are really proud of me for doing so... and I appreciate all the really nice comments, but I honestly did not decide to volunteer so that everyone would say that about me... I am so doing this, one hundred million percent for the kids and the great joy it brings to me knowing that by volunteering, I am able to help put a smile on their face... as cheesy as it sounds, the smiles I saw on the weekend was just so priceless.

So there you have it, my first volunteering experience!! It was great... sorry I have to rush this off but I gotta get off the computer... I promise to update soon. I'm looking forward to more volunteering! Thanks everyone for checking in and for your lovely messages in the guestbook... I read them everyday! I hope ya'll are having a great summer...

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, June 26, 2006

~*~*UPDATE: 30th June~*~*

I'M GOING TO JUNIOR CAMP NEXT WEEKEND!!!! YAY!!!

Will update soon :)

Love, Janice

Hi everyone,

It's been another couple of weeks between journals... I really do try and not have such long spaces in between, but to no avail! Sometimes I come on here all ready to do and write a complete journal.. but I am still lost for words many times.

Everyone is doing well... winter has certainly arrived, our mornings are extremely cold, icy and frosty... and our days have been cold too... COLD COLD COLD. We've had some very frosty and foggy days... kinda makes our city look a little eerie and creepy but there's something about all that fog that I like... I know, sounds weird but I LIKE FOG.

Well, Adrian finished his exams last Thursday... if you can believe it, he finished his last final ever and he is done with university! He graduates in a month... I still remember when I graduated and journaled on here about it. It's way too freaky thinking how quickly we all grow up and quickly times flies. He's certainly growing up but for some reason, I can't see him past 12 years old :) Haha. At the moment he is up at the snowfields skiing with a bunch of friends... but when he gets back from his little break, he'll be starting his application for Permanent Residency here in Australia (just like I did!)...and of course... looking for a job...

Karen & Dean are well too... the past few weeks, they re-painted the rooms in their house and also got new carpet. They've been busy revamping their home!

We're all expecting Dad for a visit at the end of next month! It's going to be a great trip.. he'll be down for Adrian's graduation, our birthdays (Adrian's and mine) and hopefully just for some good family times. It's sad that we are hardly ever in the once place as a family but when we do get together, it's wonderful...

I am hoping to attend Junior Camp for Challenge next weekend (8th-9th July). They're in the midst of making their selections of volunteers so fingers crossed I'll make the selection! It will be my very first volunteer experience with this AMAZING organisation. They camp is for the little ones, aged 4-7 years old. I loveee that age group. Plus, it's also probably one of their many many camps that I'll actually be able to attend seeing that it falls on a weekend. Most of their camps are over a 1 to 2 week period which makes it hard with work and everything. So this camp sounds perfect...only waiting for confirmation now... hehe.

That's all for now folks! Oh and want some great news? Beautiful Bailee got to go home to Florida last week!!! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOO!!! Way to go, Bailee! She has been stuck in hospital for way too long now.. I am so happy for her :) Go by and wish her congrats! I hope ya'll are having a fabulous summer, enjoy the warm weather for me!

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.~

Love,
Janice

Thursday, June 8, 2006

Hi everyone,

Today will be three years and nine months since mum left us to be in a MUCH better place. I don't know if anyone wonders why I count the months as they go by but I guess I just do... it really gives me a larger prespective on how it seems time has just flown since I last saw her face. It also seems to be a monthly reality check for me. There are no words to describe how much I miss her. I have a box of letters in my room that I keep for when I'm feeling down. It consists of letters from friends and family... there are quite a few letters from mum. She used to write quite alot to Karen and myself whenever we were here at school in Melbourne and she would be back home in KL. A few weeks ago, I felt such an urge to read those letters again... I've always read them now and again whenever I feel like it. But I don't know what was different this time... I had such a strong urge to read them and I was feeling incredibly nervous at the same time. Never felt that way before, it was really strange. I read the first sentence and quickly put the letters away. I was totally falling apart although I've read that same letter a thousand times before. Strangely I didn't feel strong enough to read that letter that night... a few nights later, I read all of it. I was in tears the entire time and for a long time after that. Although I know she's gone and I know what took her away, sometimes it just baffles me as to why it all even happened in the first place.. or how it could've happened. Her final words in that letter said "Please pray for me as I have chemo tomorrow". It breaks my heart everytime I read that line.

Mum, I hope you know how much I prayed for you. I never stopped.

I feel so extremely bad because I never wrote letters back as much as I should've...

I am still feeling so sad... and when I realise exactly how I'm feeling, it only makes me realise that I'm not the only one hurting or feeling this way. Many families lost their precious children this time of the year... please remember Angel Anthony, Angel Ryan, Angel Jalen and Angel Colby and their families in your thoughts and prayers. Although it's been a few years since we've seen our loved ones... the pain and depth of sadness is felt just as if it was yesterday...

Thanks for stopping by as always...

Love, Janice

Thursday, June 1, 2006

Hello everyone :)

It's been awhile since my last update so I do apologise.. not that this update will be a long one either but I just wanted to quickly say hello to everyone!

Well, half the year has already flown by, it's 1st of June and it's also.... the first day of winter!!! For us here down in the southern hemisphere anyways... it is freeeezing cold... our mornings are extremely icy and frosty but as unbelievable as it sounds, I actually kinda like it... I think I'm getting used to this cold weather! I've been here nearly 10 years now and it's taken me this long to get used to it :) Anyway about liking the cold.. I don't know, I just like the cold air on my face... it wakes me up in the morning. Haha.

I have started volunteering with a wonderful organisation here in Melbourne called Challenge. It is a charity supporting children with cancer. It's awesome what they do for the kids and their families. I started my volunteer training on Tuesday and thoroughly enjoyed it.. am certainly looking forward to working with them more.

Sorry to cut this short but I've just been booted off the computer!! Adrian's finals are coming up next week so he's hogging the computer big time. Will update again soon.. in the mean time, please continue your wonderful prayers for our friends here on Caringbridge. I have lost so many links to those I visit regularly (they were all on the laptop which has crashed!)..so I'm trying slowly to get them all back...

Have a superb weekend everyone and to all my Northern Hemisphere friends, I hope you enjoy your summer :)

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, May 8, 2006

Dear friends,

"A butterfly lights beside us,
like a sunbeam... and for a
brief moment its glory and
beauty belong to this world...
but then it flies on again, and
although we wish it could
have stayed, we are so
thankful to have seen it at all."

Today will be 3 years and 8 months since my mum grew her wings and took her heavenly flight. I have to admit before her diagnosis and her death, I never gave much thought to the matter of death. Of someone not existing physically any longer. It was really only after she passed away that I really started to think of what death really means, it's implications, consequences... everything. Do I have any answers? No. Do I have any theories? No. I don't have a clue. I know it's nature, I know it's part of the cycle of life, blablabla, but I still do not understand any of it. I lie awake many nights thinking about it, dreaming of it in hopes of gaining a better understanding of it... but truth to the matter is, I hate it. It scares the hell out of me. But at the same time I am learning to accept that it is part of our lives. Everyone's lives.

Lately I've found it quite difficult to journal about my mum... it's not that I've run out of things to say about her... or I no longer have these sad or overwhelming feelings and thoughts of her.. but I guess I just... don't know. Many times I sit down infront of the computer ready to tell a story... or simply to write whatever's been on my mind. But I don't end up doing so... I've been feeling quite saddened by the fact that I am time and again realising the horrible and undeniable truth that she will no longer be a physical part of my life. I mean, this obviously is not the first time I've come across this sad realisation. In fact I've experienced it plenty of times before this... it comes now and again. But I've noticed that it is one of the many feelings I cannot help. Other feelings I can try and push away, I can occupy my mind and I will no longer dwell on it... but this one... plain and simple, it makes me so sad. I will no longer be able to speak to her, to hear her laugh, to feel her touch... although I am forever and always will be my mother's daughter, I however will no longer be able to be a daughter to a mother in the general scheme of life... this may sound selfish but I feel so robbed of many things... I'm unable to buy mother's day cards or gifts when they are so openly and boldly sold everywhere I turn and go. I am unable to send her a birthday card each year. I am unable to join in conversations involving 'living' mothers and their antics, how they make us laugh and how they annoy us... yes, I could always talk about my own mum in the past tense, but it only makes the conversation awkward for the rest when I don't want it to be awkward. I want to be able to speak about her like everyone else does about their mums, but they turn silent as if scared to say the wrong thing... I don't have the ability to make more memories with her... I have to rely on my own memory for our past memories. I have to rely on photos. On my heart. On my dreams. Even then, I haven't had a dream of her in so long... although she isn't here with me physically, the long spaces between dreams of her, feel like she is pulling away once again... that she is disappearing again slowly... it is a painful feeling. All I want is to feel her near me... and even sometimes that is hard to feel. I have so much to say to her, so much to share... I have so much more of my life to give to her... I want to be a better daughter to her... a better friend... I want to do so many things for her and with her but I can't. I read somewhere once that you cannot change what has happened but you can do something about the present and the future... how? I lie awake at nights and think of this and of how I can do something about the present and the future... but all I want is to have her back and that already in itself is something impossible. I'll have to think about it some more...

Happy Mother's Day in Heaven, Mum... you continue to be my guiding light and my source of inspiration. I love you with all my heart.

Love Janice

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Hi everyone :)

Thanks for checking in! The long weekends have come and gone! I wish I could say I'm all relaxed and ready for a long hard year ahead at work but... I love my long weekends and miss 'em already :( Hehe.

Well Easter long weekend was awesome. Like I said in my previous journal, we were all heading down to Point Leo for Karen's 30th. Marcus, Adrian & myself drove down Thursday night (before Good Friday) and arrived at our rented beach house at about 9pm. Karen & Dean and our cousins Carolyn & Nathan were already there to welcome us. The beach house was really nice...it was a good size for the seven of us and came equipped with nearly everything.. good kitchen...tv, fireplace, DVD player, nice huge balcony, four big rooms and a monster of a backyard! Lots of space. The weekend was a little gloomy weather wise and it rained a whole lot on Good Friday but we still enjoyed ourselves. On Karen's actual birthday (14th April) we took her wine tasting as there were heaps of wineries around the area, and beautiful ones too I might add. We spoilt her with presents... she got an Ipod Nano, several nano accessories, spa treatments, body treatments etc... she was happy :) Overall the weekend was extremely relaxing.. besides the driving around to wineries, we also stayed indoors and played alot of scrabble, poker, x-box (the boys of course!), cooked, baked (I baked a cake for Karen's bday) and just generally hung out... we were a little sad to leave but was glad to be home!

Although this weekend just gone was not a "long one" for everyone, it was for me :) Because Tuesday was a public holiday due to ANZAC Day, I took Monday off work and... voila, a long weekend! Again it was very quiet, just the way I liked it... yesterday being ANZAC Day, Marcus and I went to the annual ANZAC dawn service at the Shrine of Remembrance. It was a first for me and a very interesting and memorable experiencing. We woke up real early at 4.30am and walked to the Shrine... the service started at 5.30am and I must say I was extremely moved and ever so proud. During the service, we heard several stories from war veterans on their experiences during the war... their stories were amazing and gave us so much insight into what it was like during the war but I still find it so difficult to imagine what it must've felt like to have to leave home and fight for your country with every possibility that you might never return. It really just makes me appreciate our fallen soldiers even more, and also our current ones in active service.

Well not much else has been happening really... our winter is nearing, it is getting so cold!! Our mornings have been really icy... brrrr! This past week, I have been chatting to my cousin Tracy online... she lost her mum (my Aunty Maureen) in February to breast cancer. We've just been chatting about both our losses and what it's meant to us and how we've felt. It's hard to explain but I felt like I was back to square one again, feeling the depth of sadness I felt in the first two years after mum passed away.. but at the same time, it was so comforting talking to Tracy about it. We understood each other. She's still trying to come to terms that she will not see her mum physically any longer... she misses her alot. Please keep Tracy and her dad in your prayers...

Well, don't know if many of you have noticed but I like including lyrics to songs in my journals... usually they relate to how I'm feeling towards my grief... loss... hurt.. anything really... and I never really took much notice of lyrics to songs whenever I listened to them but just in the past few years, I've paid more attention to what I've been listening to... and I've discovered that this is the reason why people write songs... why people sing... because a song tells a story... the lyrics hold meaning behind them... and somewhere out there, every song touches someone in some way...

So today, I leave you with this beautiful song by James Taylor... I love it.

Fire and Rain

Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.
Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you.
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song,
I just can't remember who to send it to.
I've seen fire and I've seen rain.
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again.

Won't you look down upon me, Jesus,
You've got to help me make a stand.
You've just got to see me through another day.
My body's aching and my time is at hand and I won't make it any other way.
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain.
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again.

Been walking my mind to an easy time, my back turned towards the sun.
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around.
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come.
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,
but I always thought that I'd see you baby, one more time again, now.

Thought I'd see you one more time again.
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now.
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you, fire and rain, now.

Have a good week everyone, please continue to pray for our special friends here on CB... thanks a million!!!

Love, Janice

Monday, April 10, 2006

Hi everyone!

My camping weekend has been and gone!! I was an incredibly awesome experience and I have another thing to add to my list of interests now... CAMPING!! Marcus, myself and our friends had a great time camping over the weekend... we kicked back, relaxed, made a great big fire, roasted marshmallows, listened to music, cooked over the fire, tried to go swimming (it was too cold!), tried to fish and tried to catch a few yabbies (but no luck!)... we had a REALLY good time. It was my first time camping and I have to say, I'm impressed. We had no toilets, electricity whatsoever but I was still comfortable :) Just goes to show that I can live without the luxuries of our modern world... hehe. You could say we both came home smelling very... "smoky" from the fire... and well... we just smelt! :) It was incredibly refreshing coming home to a nice warm shower... I was looking forward to having my hair washed. Haha.

Well just wanted to update and let everyone know that camping is GREAT. And also to wish everyone a HAPPY EASTER! This Friday (Good Friday) is Karen's big day... she will turn 30! We are all going down the coast to Point Leo, spending the long weekend there... we've booked out a beach house so Karen, Dean, Marcus, myself, Adrian and our cousin Carolyn and her husband Nathan will be enjoying a weekend trip.

I'll be sure to update next week on how it all goes... So in the mean time, I hope the Easter Bunny is good to you :) Oh and another wonderful thing? It has been nearly 3 years since I started this website in memory of my dearly loved mother and we are nearing 80,000 visitors!!! Holy moly that's great! Thank you everyone who has so loyally followed my site and continue to do so and to everyone who has popped by now and again or whenever you're able to... it all means so much to me...to know there are people out there reading what I have to say. Thank you for all your wonderful, heart-warming messages in the guestbook...emails... cards you've sent... photos.. I have really enjoyed getting to know so many people from all over the world... please continue to stop by and follow this journey that I'm on, wherever it leads me... and if you are visitor number 80,000, let me know who you are in the guestbook!!!

Thanks everyone, have a superb and safe long Easter weekend... enjoy every moment of it... cherish your family and friends around you. I truly believe that at the end of the day, they are all that matters...

Lots of love,
Janice

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Dearest mum,

Last Saturday was three years and seven months since we saw your beautiful face... there are still no words to describe how much I miss you and how I long for you to be here with our family everyday. It's been over three years and still I wonder every single day what it'd be like if you were still here...how different my life would be. I can talk about you without tearing up now... I know I make it sound like an accomplishment but I'm sure you know exactly how hard it was for me to speak about you and not cry... it was all I wanted to do the first two years you were gone... it still hurts like hell everytime I think of what you went through and how we lost you, but now I can talk about you and remember you for what you really were... the person you really were... the mother you were. I had a long conversation with a lady at work last week... she reminds me so much of you... she's a year younger than what you've been today... she has two daughters... and her personality reminds me so much of you... extremely nurturing... soft-spoken yet cheeky and mischievous at times... she makes me miss you even more than I already do. I like working with her because the way she interacts with me feels like how you would interact with me if you were here today... even though I'm her colleague, she sometimes mothers me at work... in a good way of course.. and it all reminds me of you. Mum, I want you to know that you will never be forgotten for as long as I live... I have stories of you for everyone who is willing to listen... Marcus... my friends... my colleagues... my kids I will have one day... my grand-kids I will have... you can be sure they will know who you are...

Loving you always with all my heart..

A mother's heart will always know
the feelings words can't always show...

Love, Janice

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Wednesday, April 5, 2006 6:17 PM CDT

G'day everyone,

It's a Wednesday morning and I'm at home with the flu :( Seems like the bug is going around and everyone is getting sick... so what do I do? Jump on the bandwagon of course! Oh well, I'm hoping this doesn't last a day longer... I took today off because I really wanted to rest up and get better ASAP as Marcus & I are going camping this weekend! Yes, you read right, we're going CAMPING!!! It will officially be my first camping experience EVER. I'm quite excited if you haven't noticed.... we are doing the full camping thing... tents, campfires, a beautiful lake, no toilets, no showers... I CAN'T WAIT. Many have told me I'm going to regret this but hey.. never say never.. don't know it till you've tried it.. and plus I've always believed that the "real" camping experience is something everyone should try at least ONCE in their lifetime. So yeah, that's that :) We're leaving for Ballan (where we're going to camp) early Friday afternoon after work and hopefully that'll give us enough daylight to set things up... it was daylight savings last weekend so it gets dark at around 6pm now :(

I haven't updated in forever! I know, I'm naughty. All is good here...work has been really busy for me, can you believe I even felt guilty taking today off? I never do. My office moved to a new building here in the city and I love it... it's sooo much better. I think we all needed a new environment. Adrian is busy at university with assignments piling up.. it's his last semester so he really wants to work hard and get it over with and graduate. Oh yeah, and latest news? My little brother has found himself a girlfriend... hehe. Her name is Cheryl, she's 21 as well and she seems like a nice and bubbly person. He really is growing up.. which is the scariest thing because it only means I'm growing older too!

Anyway had better get going... will be resting up the rest of the day in preperation for my trip! I'm hoping for good camping weather :) Sorry I've been away for so long... I still do check in the kids' sites now and again to see how everyone is keeping.. and of course I read my guestbook everyday. Thanks to everyone who continues to stop by.. it is so appreciated! Have a great day..

Love, Janice

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Dearest mum,

Three years and six months today... forever in my heart and soul.

I love you,
Janice

~Song for Mama~

You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life
Yeah there isn't anything
Or anyone that I can't be
And it just wouldn't feel right
if I didn't have you by my side
You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were gray
Whenever I was down
You were always there
To comfort me
And no one else can be
What you have been to me
You'll always be
you will always be the girl
in my life for all times..

Mama
Mama you know I love you
(Oh you know I love you)
Mama
Mama you're the queen of heart
Your love is like
tears from the stars
Mama I just need you to know
lovin' you is like food to my soul...

You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
(yes you did)
And you took up for me
when everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on
There was so many times
looking back when I was so afraid
and then you come to me
and say to me
I can face anything
And no one else can do
what you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be
the girl in my life...

Mama
Mama you know I love you
(Oh you know I love you)
Mama
Mama you're the queen of heart
Your love is like
tears from the stars
Mama I just need you to know
lovin' you is like food to my soul...

Never gonna go a day without you
Fills me up just thinking about you
I'll never go a day
Without my mama...

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, guestbook messages and emails in the last week or so for my family and myself. Aunty Maureen's funeral was last Friday. With myself, Karen & Adrian and a few of our other cousins being in Melbourne, unfortunately we were not able to make it for the funeral... all out thoughts and prayers were back home though. I'm sure it was a very sad day but at the same time a bright one celebrating her life. My Aunty Maureen had extremely strong faith in God so I have no doubt that she is where she belongs now, happy and free of the beast that cuts short thousands and thousands of lives each year. Over the last week, I have exchanged several text messages with my cousin Tracy (Aunty Maureen's daughter), and given all that's happened she is of course extremely saddened and upset with the loss of her mother, but like me and my family when our mother died, she is so very comforted and consoled by the fact that her mother died peacefully...also, in one of her text messages to me, Tracy said "She is probably partying with your mum". Oh how true that must be :) Aunty Maureen was buried in the same cemetery as my mum, and from what dad has told me, her grave is pretty near mum's, a few rows away... it's a very beautiful, quiet and peaceful cemetery...

Again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. We are so grateful for them. Before I go, please continue to keep Emily Lester (sorry, I don't have the link now coz I'm at work but you can find it in my journal history).. and also keep my Aussie friend Renee (from Toowoomba, QLD) in your prayers. Renee is a young 24 year old woman currently fighting Ovarian Cancer. She had her last treatment last week (WOOHOO!!) and is recovering from a very swollen vein in her leg which had her hospitalised... please keep her in your prayers! Thanks!

All is well here in Melbourne, Adrian has just started a new year at university and if all goes well (and yes it will!) this semester will be his last and final before... GRADUATION! That is too freaky to think about.. my lil brother is graduating! As for me, I have been quite busy with work and also in search for a new job, which has proven quite daunting and at times frustrating but I am pushing through like I know I should. I don't really want to go into details of anything until I know for sure what's going on, so I'll leave it at that :) Karen & Dean are doing good too... as most of you would know, we have the Commonwealth Games starting in Melbourne in only a couple of weeks. In the past year, Karen's firm (an architecture firm) was asked to design the signage for the Games Village where all the athletes will be staying duringthe games. So of course since Karen is the graphic designer of the firm, she got to design all of it!!! I have only seen snippets and previews of it but it looks awesome and hopefully we'll be able to see the real thing soon...

I suppose that's all for now... please continue to keep Aunty Maureen's family in your prayers as they continue their lives without her. Don't forget our friends at CB to.. thanks for stopping by!

Love always,
Janice

Wedesday, February 22, 2006

Dear friends,

It is with great sadness that I tell you my Aunty Maureen passed away yesterday evening. She grew her much deserved wings and took flight to Heaven after a very brave battle against Breast cancer. She is reunited with her sister (my mum) and parents (my grandparents) in Heaven... please keep her family and our entire family in your prayers.. it is an extremely sad time for us. Thank you so much...

Love, Janice

PS: Mum, wishing you were here every second of every day... I love you.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

*~*~UPDATE: 20TH FEB~*~*

Can I please make a special prayer request... please storm Heaven with prayers for my Aunty Maureen (my mum's younger sister). She was admitted to hospital (in KL) on Friday and is very sick. She's fighting Breast cancer. Since being admitted, her mind has been quite disoriented and she isn't able to drink or eat anything. Please, please keep her in your prayers... I will update again when I know more.. this is all sad news but just like my mum was, Aunty Maureen is a fighter and she has extremely strong faith in God. Whatever happens, she will be okay.. thanks everyone for praying...

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Hi everyone,

Just wanted to update today to ask everyone who visits to please keep Emily in your prayers... she is currently very sick and needs all the prayers, encouragement and support that she can get right now... also, her mum has noted that there is a critical need of blood in the Tampa Bay area at the moment, so if you're in the area and if you can, please give blood. Please pray for Emily's miracle and that she'll be able to pull through this which of course she can, but prayers won't hurt! Thanks a TON...

I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I was hoping to head to the beach on Saturday but the weather didn't turn out so good :( Time to start on dinner, so I shall leave you all with something Uncle Trevor sent me via email today...

LIVE A LIFE THAT MATTERS
Live a life that matters.
Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you come from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin colour will be irrelevant.
So what will matter ? How will the value of your days be measured ?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;
Not what you got but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,
empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstances but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters!

~Anonymous~

Thanks for stopping by!! Till next time...

Love & Prayers,
Janice

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Hi everyone!

<3<3 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! <3<3

I hope everyone has a LOVELY, romantic, love-filled day with family and friends :) Marcus and I don't have anything planned as we've agreed we'd make it a low-key one this year... Not that we've ever gone all out on Val's day anyway! We usually go out to dinner or something but we've decided to save some money this year :)

If you haven't already noticed, I finally took down the Christmas decorations on this website... hehe. Took me awhile didn't it...it's only February! Anyway, not much to update over this side... Adrian is still busy with summer school and has an exam this Friday. Karen & Dean are pretty much back into the swing of things after returning from their 7 week trip away. We had a photo session at their house last weekend.. it was awesome. Had a BBQ going.. then a slideshow showing all their photos taken during their time in Europe.. well I shouldn't say "all" their photos... it took us over two hours to get through them and they were a cut down version!!! You'd think they were gone for a year :) They were amazing photos though.. it does make you want to travel over there. Very beautiful and stunning architecture... beautiful little towns everywhere... it's just like in the movies. They also took alot of snapshots on all the famous museums and spots in Paris... and it was pretty bizarre coz I'd read about most of them in the Da Vinci Code (by Dan Brown). I know it's nothing like seeing them with your own eyes in real life, but even seeing them in pictures was pretty good :) The churches are amazing too!

Anyway, today being Valentines Day, please make your way to Angel Colby's site... today, he would've been eight years old. He was a beautiful Valentine's Baby! Please keep Jack, Laura, Cameron and Colton in your prayers... it's been nearly three years since Colby grew his wings, but I'm pretty sure it does not get easier for his family... Coles, we love you and are thinking of you!!! Angel Colby, eight years old today, bet you're having a blast in Heaven... till we meet one day, buddy...

I hate to admit this, but I haven't been round to visit everyone's sites much the past six months... I'm sure you can tell my updates have been quite irregular too. I'm so sorry! I suppose you could say life gets busy... I really don't like using that as an excuse but unfortunately it's not an excuse :( I still do try and catch up with journal updates with a few of the kids though, so it's not like I'm not on here at all.. I do keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers!!

Well, we are having some lovely summer days here in Melbourne... luckily, I don't wanna jinx anything, I think our hot spells are over... I suppose this is actually good news, as the hot spells we had last month caused terrible, devastating bush fires... alot of people lost their homes and many country towns were if not destroyed, close to being destroyed. On the other hand, the weather hasn't been hot enough to spend a whole day at the beach :(

So please don't forget to visit Angel Colby's family (link above).. I hope everyone is having a good start to the year. Please keep our Caringbridge friends in your prayers!! Thanks for stopping by :)

Love & Faith,
Janice

Wednesday, February 8, 2006

Dearest mum,

Three years and five months today...

One gift, above all others
God gives to us to treasure
One that knows no time, no place
And one gold cannot measure
The precious, poignant tender gift
Of Memory......that will keep
On dear ones ever in our hearts
Although God gives them sleep

It brings back long remembered things
A song, a word, a smile
And the world's a better place ... because
We had them for awhile!

~Unknown~

We love you and miss you more than you know... till we meet again (three years and five months down)..

Love always,
Janice

Monday, January 30, 2006

Hi everyone,

Sorry it's been so long since I last updated... I'm at work now so I probably won't get to update much, but wanted to let everyone know that all is good on this side of the world. Marcus & I returned from our vacation two weeks ago and have settled back into the routine of our work life and social life. For some reason it still doesn't feel like the new year to me (don't know if that's a good sign or not!) and it's already the end of January. It's too scary to think how quick time flies... I've noticed it flies by quicker in my twenties, which is a really bad thing, coz I'm hanging on to my twenties!!! I'm already nearly half way..

Anyways, I promise to update again soon. Life's getting busy! But there's always time for Caringbridge... please keep the kids in your prayers, thanks for stopping by and for all the messages :)

PS: We're having a GREAT summer here in Melbourne!!!

Love, Janice

Sunday, January 8 2006

Dearest Mum,

Three years and four months... forever in my heart. Till we meet again soon.

Love you,
Jan

*~*~10th Jan 2006*~*~

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS & FAMILY!!!

Marcus and I are having a fabulous time here in Kuala Lumpur. We will be back in Melbourne on the 15th. Making the most of every single moment we have here...

I hope everyone is having a wonderful start to the new year.. please remember our friends battling in your prayers. Thank you :)

Till my next update, probably from Melbourne...

Love & miracles,
Janice

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Hi guys!

How was everyone's Christmas? I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas weekend filled with family, friends, food and lots of love and laughter... I had a fairly quiet but very fun Christmas. Marcus' family was lovely and opened their hearts and home to me this Christmas... we ate a ton and were spoilt rotten! I'm pretty sure I've put on 5 kilos since the weekend! Haha.

Last week, Marcus and I went to see The Lion King musical.. it was SPECTACULAR!!! AMAZING!!! I loveeed every bit of it.. I'm just itching to see it again. Hehe. It was actually my birthday present from Marcus.. he had gotten the tickets for me back in August (my birthday) and most seats back then were sold out or weren't very good seats, so he decided to settle for the really good seats which meant waiting a few months... December! I remember when he gave me the tickets and I couldn't imagine waiting till December.. it was 4 months away. And now, it's come and gone.. the musical was awesome. I recommned it if you haven't already seen it! Well worth the wait and money :)

Well, only TWO days till Marcus and I fly to KL!!! We can't wait... here's what we're going to do for two whole weeks- eat, sleep, shop, shop, eat, eat, visit family and friends.. did I mention shopping and eating?? Malaysia is THE place for shopping and yummy local food!! It's too bad we only have two weeks there :(

On some great news, Adrian did really well in his exams!! He got his exams results a couple of weeks ago and he did good! He only has another 6 months of university and he will be graduating :)

I doubt I'll be updating before New Years... I hope everyone has a fabulous New Years... please stay safe on and off the roads!! I hope some of you have new years resolutions to share! :) As for me.. I'm still working on them! Haha. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! 2006, BRING IT ON!!

Love always,
Janice

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Hi everyone!

FOUR DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS :) I hope you've all finished the last of your Christmas shopping and preparations! I really just wanted to update before Christmas... I'm not sure if I'll get the chance to go online over the weekend. It's been quiet at work this last week or so... most people have taken time off over the Christmas period. I, am however, working right through till Friday, and will be back at work next week between boxing day and New Year. Kinda sucks to have to be at work while being in such a Christmassy mood!! I envy those who already have days off :)

Well, this year, because everyone is away... dad and Adrian in KL... Karen & Dean in Europe... I am spending Christmas with Marcus' family. They usually have a big lunch on Christmas day. I'm looking forward to it :) We're all being spoiled by his mum... he has such a lovely family!!

Last week, Marcus and I went to KMART and we both bought a toy each to put under the KMART Wishing Tree. The toys will go to the Salvation Army who will then distribute them to kids who will be having a rough and tough Christmas.. Marcus has been doing this for a few years now. This year was my first :) I must say, I feel quite proud.. but I'm just glad that my toy will make some kid happy on Christmas day. Even if it's just one day in a year. Marcus bought a car race track for a boy... and I bought a Barbie Doll/Barbie hair accessories for a girl. I hope the kids enjoy them :) I know that if Marcus and I had those toys as kids, we'd love em! Probably the main reason why we chose them...

Annnyway, in case I don't get to update again before the weekend...

***** MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!! *****

Have a beautiful, blessed and safe Christmas :) Remember those who are facing trying times at the moment, and our angels who are no longer with us...

Lots of *Christmas* love & cheer,
Janice

Monday, December 12, 2005

Hello all :)

Wow... only 13 days till Christmas...

I won't write much tonight as we're expecting a storm and I probably shouldn't be on the computer... as I type, there is a gale blowing outside and it is starting to rain. It's been really hot (32 degrees today!) in Melbourne so I guess the rain serves us well, keeping us cool... I think we're heading for a really hot summer, I can feel it! I say this with high enthusiasm as we didn't get much of a summer last year.

Well, just an update on Karen & Dean... I have spoken to them twice since they arrived in Paris last Friday... they are having a fantastic time over the other side of the world.. when they arrived in Paris, they headed straight for the Eiffel Tower and also all the famous museums... they then drove down southwards towards Marseilles, Lyon and Cannes. When I last spoke to them, they had spent a couple of nights in Cannes and really loved it there... they were then going to drive to Monacco for lunch and straight through to Italy... what a life!! :) Please keep them in your prayers as their mode of transportation for their entire vacation is by car.. and it's currently winter and there have been snowstorms everywhere!

Okay time to boot. Please continue to keep our battlers in your prayers... there are many who need your prayers! Share The Love can help you if you can't remember who needs prayers, encouragement or just support...

Thanks for stopping by, as always :)

Love & Hope,
Janice

Monday, December 5, 2005

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~8th December~

Dearest mum,

Three years and three months since we kissed your beautiful face... memories of you will never fade. I love how I still remember the feel of your touch, the smell of your skin, the sound of your voice even though it feels like it's been forever... remember we will meet again some day... loving you and missing you a ton! :)

PS: You know it's been awhile since we've had some Christmas lights, so I got some today and put it up on the balcony... hope you like the colourful glittering fairy lights from Heaven :)

Merry Christmas, mum.

Forever and always,
Janice

Good-bye! a kind good-bye,
I bid you now, my friend,
And though 'tis sad to speak the word,
To destiny I bend.

And though it be decreed by Fate
That we ne'er meet again,
Your image, graven on my heart,
Forever shall remain.

Aye, in my heart thoult have a place,
Among the friends held dear,-
Nor shall the hand of Time efface
The memories written there.
Goodbye..

^Mark Twain^

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Hi everyone!

Told ya I would update before Christmas :) I don't have a Christmas tree here in Melbourne so I thought I'd decorate the site a little... tried making it a little more festive to the eye :) I do love Christmas... it's been awhile since our family has spent Christmas with all of us together. But I still love it anyway...

Well I mentioned in my last update that I had something I wanted to share with everyone, which I do... so here I am! You know, if you ever wanted to go to a place to witness the real meaning of love, family and friendship... the place to go? The arrival halls of your nearest airport. I'm serious. I never really took much notice of it until this weekend just gone past. On Saturday, one of Marcus' best friends arrived home in Melbourne after being away for 9 months travelling Europe and America. His flight was due to touch down at 9.25am from Los Angeles... Marcus and myself got to the airport around 9.15am... we waited for an hour before he came out the gates. But in that hour, I honestly cannot tell you how many times I came close to tears just watching the people around me... those who've out the gates and their families awaiting them let out squeals of joy as they rush towards each other, finally being able to hold each other for who knows how long they've been apart... I watched families reunite... friends reunite... it was actually quite an overwhelming experience just sitting there watching these people. I didn't even know them, yet I found it all heartwarming. I know, sounds corny but I challenge you, the next time you're at an airport to watch these people... you wonder where they've been, what they've seen, the people they've left behind but have now been reunited with. What their stories are. Maybe it's just me, I've always been that kinda person... always interested in learning about others... some may call it nosey, but I call it acknowledging the fact that we live with approximately 6 billion people in this world and everyone has a different life and their own story to tell.

Aaaaanyway :) So his friend arrived, he came through the gates, we were all excited, we all exchanged hugs and kisses.. and immediately everyone was exchanging stories and gossip from the last 9 months of not seeing each other... sometime during the reunion, I turned around and noticed that there was an Australian family coming through the gates and in their arms was a really gorgeous Chinese baby, no older than 8 or 9 months. As soon as the family walked out, it was obvious that they the rest of their extended family at the airport to greet them as almost immediately squeals of joy and delight were heard... there were lots of smiles and tears all around.. and mostly, there was enormous attention on this little Chinese baby. I then realised that this family had probably adopted the little girl and was bringing her for the first time to a country that would be her home for the rest of her life. Now this one, this was truly brought tears to my eyes... the Australian family were all in love with her, I could tell. They were showering her with hugs and kisses. The little kids had brought her balloons and teddy bears. I wondered what had happened to her parents or her family. If she had been orphaned or if her parents simply decided to give her up for adoption. And then I thought of what a selfless thing this family was doing for her... they were giving her a better life. A life that she might not have even known was out there or possible had she stayed where she was.

So, that was my morning at the airport!! Suffice to say, I like the airport :) And speaking of airports, Marcus and I will be at the departure halls in approximately 3 1/2 weeks! Wooohooo! We'll be spending two weeks in KL.. and we cannot wait!

I hope you all have a lovely holiday season, and a great week ahead!

Love, Janice

Saturday, December 3, 2005 7:23 AM CST

Hey everyone,

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??? I hear ya'll say... nearly a month gone by with no update... this has to be a first. It's no surprise my updates have been getting quite infrequent... please excuse my absence... things have been going on here aand there as they do when you have anything resembling a life. Of which I'm most grateful for, of course :)

Hmm, where to start... I think the past month has truly opened up my eyes to the reality of change. It seems to be the only constant thing in my life and the lives of my friends and those around me these days... I have realised just how much my peers have changed... the girls I used to see every single day without fail in school, the girls I used to have sleepovers with, the girls I went to watch movies with, the girls I went to parties with, the girls who know me best... we have all changed in more ways than I can ever imagine. I suppose this is all part of growing up... people's lives evolve, change... people's priorities change... people's motivations change... people's personality changing? Maybe. But as naive as this may sound, I don't think it ever occurred to me that friendships could be lost because of change. Maybe it was wishful thinking to think that my girlfriends and I are what we called ourselves 'soul sisters'... friends forever. Corny, but hey, isn't that what we used to always say 5 years ago? 10 years ago? It was our mantra... well, no, I haven't lost any friendships, but let's say it was close.. and had I lost this friendship... I would've been sorely upset. Sad yes. Angry sure. Disappointed... hell yes. All is well now though, but it just seems like 'change' can only go two ways... either a good way, the way you want it to... or a bad way... the way you DON'T want it to.

The past month I have also had fleeting moments where my heart seems like it's stopped for a minute... I cannot breathe, my brain freezes and I feel like my entire body is about to head into a state of total and utter panic. This only lasts for a moment or two though, a few seconds, nothing more. Then I my insides go back to normal, I feel okay again. What brings this on? The thought of losing my family... of losing not just one member of my family (as if that isn't bad enough) but losing my entire family. You hear of horrible things happening around the world, people losing their entire family.. never ever seeing them ever again. I dropped Adrian off at the airport last Sunday.. he is officially on summer vacation, so he's flown back to KL. Yesterday, Karen & Dean flew to Paris to start their huge seven week European tour. I am the only member of the Liew family in Australia at this very moment. I had dinner with Karen on Wednesday... the last time I saw her before she left for Paris... the feeling that overcame me the moment I hugged her goodbye and she left my front door... I cannot even begin to describe. I had Marcus with me. I have my friends all around me. I have my workmates with me everyday. Yet the feeling of loneliness just overpowers every other emotion inside of me. On Friday afternoon, just before Karen boarded the plane, I spoke to her on the phone.. after we hung up, the same overpowering feeling of extreme loneliness hit me once again... dad and Adrian all the way in KL... Karen & Dean on the other side of the world in Paris... I am by myself in Melbourne. Where and when have I felt like this before? It doesn't come close to the day my mother passed away... knowing that I would never see her again... not in this lifetime anyway... I am SO grateful for my family. I want to wrap us each up in a huge giant box so that we're all together in the one place always.

Phew! There you go.. my update for today. I actually have more I want to write but I don't want you falling asleep reading this. Hehe. Christmas is drawing near... and so is the new year. I feel like I am still in September... where has the time gone??? I hope you are all keeping well... please say some extra prayers for our friends who aren't doing so well... the holiday season cannot be harder... also please remember our beloved angels who aren't here with us today... Dear God, please let my mother know that there are days where I think to myself that I simply cannot live without her, but know that I have to... have a wonderful Christmas everyone! I'll update before then... but then again, you never know... :)

Lots of love,
Janice

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!

Dad, I know it's not the same when our family is thousands of miles apart... but you and I both know deep within our hearts that we are forever family and by that, no matter how far apart we are, we are always together, our spirits kept in a special place within ourselves... I know today is a big day for you, although you may not think so, and I'm sorry that we cannot be there to help you celebrate. Without sounding biased, you are the loveliest dad I know... with all the up times and down times in my life, there has not been a single moment where I doubted your love for me. And if a child can feel that, you know you have done well.

We hope you have a fab day!!!! :)

Love, Janice

******************************************************************************

Dearest mum,

Three years and two months since you grew your long and much deserved wings... where do I even begin to tell you all that I want and need to tell you? I've always felt that this website, a tribute and dedication to the most wonderful, courageous, graceful person you once were with us, has been something like a personal diary for me... somewhere I can pour my feelings onto... somwhere where I can keep track of this journey I'm taking without you, this journey of grieving the physical loss of your beautiful existence... the loss of my mother... and like I've always imagined it to be, angels can hear, see, read anything and everything from anywhere and wherever they may be...so besides all the little chats we have between you and me, I imagine you would be reading this too.

I now know for a fact that life goes on... whatever happens, life goes on. Forgive me for feeling this way. I feel guilty even thinking that life does go on after your passing. But I think if you were me and if you were here, you'd be thinking the same... life has to go on, you have to get on with the rest of your life. Time isn't going to wait for you. The world doesn't stop spinning. So much has happened in my life since your passing... I graduated from university... took my first big step into the big working world... I've found a boy I love... I've made new friends.. lost some friends... I've learnt new things about myself.. I've learnt many other things about life... about the little things that make up the essence of life... honesty...empathy... love... kindness...genorosity... courage... but most of all compassion. I feel like I have so much more to learn. I feel like I now know so much more about the meaning of giving... of loving... of helping someone, not for the sake of helping, but for the good that would come of it for the person being helped. I've learnt to be selfless... I've learnt patience... I've learnt all this, but it's all work in progress... you can never learn it all... you're always learning more and more about everything... and I think you've helped me see that..

You are my inspiration... you make me want to wake up everyday, to live my life, cherish my waking moments.. to be a good person... to be giving and loving person.. to be someone of use to the community, to the world... you and dad have given me so much and for that, I hope you are up there beaming proud for all I've done and all I have left to do in my life... please continue to guide me through this journey we call life. I know everyone's is different. I imagine you know what mine would be like... help me find my way...

You are my sunshine,
Love Janice

Friday, October 28, 2005 9:00 PM CDT

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to come on and update on a couple of kids who need your special loving prayers. I haven't been round the guestbooks leaving my thoughts with the kids but I have been reading updates and praying of course. With the guestbook rounds I will need to get back to that sometime! Sorry if ya'll haven't heard from me in so long :(

First off, I learnt that Kaycey earned her precious wings on Oct 15th. Man, I am so completely saddened by the news. I started following Kaycey's journey when she had her heart and double lung transplant back in 2003... she had complications, had obstacles come her way but she fought back and she was doing superb for awhile... unfortunately it just wasn't meant to be and I am so, so saddened that we have lost a beautiful fighter. Please keep her family in your prayers.

Bailee also isn't doing the great right now...she's back in the hospital and could use a ton of prayers. Hopefully she'll be back up on her feet, ready to party for Halloween.

Brant.. Brant, now this kid is something. He is amazing. He is still hanging in there, although very close to earning his angel wings, he is still proving to be a champion in so many ways. Please keep him and his family in your prayers..

I guess that's all for now... It's very heart-breaking to come on here and read of how sick some of our friends are. Especially when they have gone through so much of their little lives fighting like they do and also coz Halloween and Christmas are coming up...

I am feeling really crappy right now with a terrible case of hayfever. Oh surprise, surprise. Actually I thought I was doing well this year. Sure I've been sneezing here and there but it hasn't been anywhere as bad as it was last year. But I think I spoke too soon because last night it hit me like a ton of brick, my eyes went all itchy and puffy, my nose got all blocked and runny. I will like I have the case of a real bad flu. You should see my mountain of tissues next to me right now. Eww. I've got the nasal spray which is supposed to be instant relief but it doesn't seem to be doing much :(

Well, have a wonderful weekend everyone!! Enjoy :)

Love, Janice

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Good day, everyone!

How's everyone going... THANK YOU all who came by and left me such lovely messages on my mum's birthday... it's really so heartwarming to know that there are people still following my journey... your messages always make my day! :)
It's especially nice to read them when I'm bogged down at work and just need a breather... speaking of work, we are in our peak period right now and I'm just snowed under with deadlines. I don't imagine the next few months will be any different... but I'm not complaining! It sure makes the day go by quicker.

Well, Friday was mum's birthday. Karen, Dean, Marcus & I had a feast at one of our favourite Chinese restaurants. We left extremely satisfied and came home for some yummy dessert. I bought a strawberry cheesecake. The night was very delicious as you can imagine. We also spoke to dad on the phone and he had been to mum's grave with flowers for her. Please keep my dad in your prayers... I know he always tells us he's okay, but I still worry about him...

It was Think Pink Day (in support of Breast Cancer) here in Melbourne yesterday... my company is one of Breast Cancer Network of Australia's (BCNA) sponsors, so we did our part in promoting awareness and supporting the foundation. I played my part as a pro-active employee and suggested that our office decorate our floors in pink, wear pink on Monday and perhaps throw a little morning tea party in support of all women fighting this disease. My manager was extremely supportive of the idea, I was put in charge of selling the pink wristbands, collection of donations, decorations, setting up of morning tea... it turned out to be wonderful. It was great to see everyone, particularly the women, come together, all wearing pink, donating, buying wristbands and just generally showing great support for something that is so close to home for so many... I have seen and heard of so many triumphant and equally devastating breast cancer stories, I have an aunty who fought and beat Breast Cancer and I have an aunty currently fighting Breast Cancer which made organising all this such a good experience.

If I had it my way and didn't need a salary to support myself and my future, I would only do volunteer work. Honestly and truly. But such is life! It's back to work tomorrow :)

Thank you all for coming by. Please keep Adrian in your thought and prayers, his finals are coming up and they are always a stressful time. Please also remember our fighters and angels...

Lots of love,
Janice

Friday, October 21, 2005

Dearest Mum,

HAPPY 57TH BIRTHDAY in Heaven! We are celebrating for you today. I hope you get all our hugs, kisses and love we're sending your way... I promise to not make this a sad one, no tears, although you are so sadly missed. We'll be cutting a cake for you tonight, hope you like strawberry swirls! :) Please look over dad during the difficult times as we cannot be there for him physically. WE LOVE YOU!

Forever in our hearts,
Janice
XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXO

Monday, October 17, 2005

Hi everyone!

Another week, another Monday, another journal! :) Yes this is overdue... I don't really have anything specific to journal on so I'll see where this takes me... I am, however, in a very 'visual' mood, so I guess that only means... PICTURES!!!!!!!!!

I don't think I mentioned it on here, but on September 23rd, 2005 after a verrrrrrrrrrrry long marathon of a labour, my cousin Tracy and her husband Patrick welcomed to this world their brand new baby daughter, Scarlett.

Presenting beautiful baby Scarlett...

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

Isn't she just absolutely GORGEOUSSSSSSSS????????

Yes, I maybe a tad biased but she is just beautiful. I haven't seen her in real life, of course, because Tracy & Pat live in Singapore... but I'm hoping to pay a little visit in January :) Can't wait!!!!

Also, I don't think I've put a picture of my other cousin Kenneth's and his wife Michelle's little bundle of joy.. Aidan!

Presenting handsome baby Aidan....

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

Isn't he adorable?? What a cheeky smile! Aidan was born on 5th of May, so he's just over 5 months old now... it is so wonderful having new additions to our family.

If you don't already know, I just love babies. If any of you watch Grey's Anatomy, you know how when George & Meredith have a bad day at the hospital, they go to the maternity ward and watch the newborns from the nursery window? I love that. I don't know what it is, but there's just something about them that makes my heart melt and my insides calm. I can't look at Scarlett's and Aidan's pictures and not break into a smile :) It's just impossible!

Well, not much else is new on my side... Marcus & I are all booked and ready for our vacation back to KL at the end of the year. We are extremely excited! We're also more organised this time around and have planned for a million things to do! Adrian will be home for summer too, only for a short time as he'll have summer school back here in Melbourne. Karen & Dean are going to Europe and will also stop by KL on their way back from Melbourne. I think we're all just looking forward to a break...

It is mum's birthday this Friday, 21st October. She would've been 57... it really is an understatement to say that I miss her more during birthdays... be it hers, or mine.. anyone else's in our family. She made them special. Always. I have a photo of myself on my 1st birthday. In the photo she was kneeeling right behind me helping me cut my first birthday cake ever. I remember my 7th birthday, I had a big party with family... she organised everything. My 10th birthday, Adrian (who turned 7 a week before me) and I had a joint birthday party with lots of friends... mum organised everything. I don't know how else to say it, no fancy words required, plain and simply... my mother was awesome. She has always been there for us... in every way. I cannot remember a single moment of my childhood, my teenage years and early adolescence where she wasn't around, where she wasn't there for me... I guess it's fair to say that the day she passed away has been by far the loneliest day of my life.

You know, the night before she passed away, she wanted vanilla ice cream. After weeks of eating literally nothing and living on liquids, even so, only a couple of mouthfuls each day, it was like a blessing that she wanted and craved ice cream. We had none at home but promised her we would get some the next day. She never made it to see us get her vanilla ice cream. Till this day, I don't know what made her want it. What made her have the energy to actually tell us she wanted vanilla ice cream. For before that, she had no energy to say anything to us. We communicated through gestures, nods, touch. I never liked ice cream very much till after she passed away. I don't know if it was pure coincidence, if it's pyschological, or whatever that I grew to love ice cream after she passed away... whatever it is, I love ice cream now. Actually, I LOVE vanilla ice cream. Over this past three years since her passing, sometime when I'd go to an ice cream shop with friends... I'd pick vanilla... whereas the others would pick something more adventurous or bold like Cookies & Cream, Pistachio, Mango & Passionfruit... when I pick vanilla, they give me a look as if I'm the most boring ice cream lover on this planet. What they don't know is what meaning, what emotions, what love, what hope, what beauty, lies behind this simple yet most flavoursome of all flavours...

As all of my other questions will be answered when it is my turn to fly through those gates of Heaven... I guess I just will have to wait.

And with that, I shall leave you all with one of my favourite poems by E.E. Cummings...

~I Carry Your Heart~

I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart
I am never without it
Anywhere I go you go, my dear;
And whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling
I fear no fate
For you are my fate, my sweet
I want no world for beautiful you are my world, my true
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
Which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart

E.E Cummings

Love, Janice

Sunday, October 9, 2005

*~Update: 11th October~*

It is with great sadness that I tell you sweet Margaret became an angel on October 9th. She was a beautiful and strong young woman who fought the very same cancer my mum fought, Ovarian Cancer. Margaret has a very special place in my heart and I know she is well looked after up in Heaven. Please stop by her site if you can. Rest in Peace, Margaret... you did awesome here. You really did.

Everyone, please continue to keep Brant, Mark, Dylan and the many, many more beautiful childrean her on CB in your prayers... I've been trying my hardest to keep up to date with our CB friends but I think I'm still pretty out of the loop... will try and make more rounds soon. In the mean time, keep up those prayers and notes of encouragement!

THANK YOU!!!

*****************************************************************

Dearest mum,

Yesterday was 3 years and a month since we had you with us... I know you're always with me every step of the way and I know that wherever you are in those big open skies, you're always watching over me... so I'm guessing you know how lately it's been a little hard for me remember you in your good times... I imagine that from Heaven you know exactly what my thoughts are and what my heart feels at all times... I hope you know that I don't mean to think of you in your worst times during your illness. Sometimes they are the only times that stand out... it still brings me an ache to my heart that I have never felt before... it is still all very sad... but I want you to know that I am doing my best to be strong. I hope you're proud of me and all that I've done with my life so far... I know sometimes I get into fights with Adrian and I think that you would hate seeing that from Heaven. But I think you understand. Even when you were with us and Adrian & I fought, you got angry at us but inside you understood... you understood the nature of our brother-sister relationship and you knew that no matter how much bickering and fighting there was, we still love each other like a real family.

Last Friday, a friend of mine gave birth to her first baby. It was a baby boy. Today, Marcus & I went to visit her in the hospital and as I sat on her bed holding this tiny human being whose life was solely and entirely dependent on another human being... I don't know why but I got thinking about me when I was born. Mum, I looked at photos of you holding me when I was just a few weeks old. I know that look in your eyes... the look that you were the proudest, happiest woman alive because you had me... a brand new baby in your arms. I know that look in your eyes in the photo because my friend had the same look in her eyes. I hope wherever you are, you still have that same look in your eyes.

I am missing you so much... today when I held the little baby, he reminded me again of just how precious our lives are... when I'm having a bad day or when I think my problems are too big and too overwhelming, I think of you and know that it's not so bad after all... nothing is ever that grim. You have showed me that there is so much more to life that sitting there wasting the minutes away feeling down, sad, or worried over things...

Please continue to guide our family here on Earth, mum... we need you.

I love you,
Janice

Friday, September 23, 2005 4:11 AM CDT

Hi everyone,

Sorry it's been awhile since my last post. I really just haven't been online much... and when I am on, I just wonder what I should write about. I have plenty to say about my mom but sometimes the words just don't roll off my fingers all too readily. We got through her death anniversary okay I suppose. We got together as a family and just had dinner and hung out. Actually, Adrian cooked for all of us... I'm sure mom would be proud of that :)

Well, I thought I'd update to let ya'll know we're doing fine... I have been EXTREMELY busy at work. All mention of me being 'busy' at work in the past should be scrapped. Because this week has been by far the busiest I've ever, ever, ever been since I started working for real (can you believe it's been two years since I've started out in this big, bad working world??? I can't). Adrian is on break from uni at the moment for two weeks. He's got heaps of assignments to do... Karen & Dean have been busy with work and also the planning/organising of their European trip at the end of the year. They are flying to Paris on 2nd December... will travel all over Europe for a month and a half, then fly to KL for a few days to see family and then back to Melbourne. It's gonna be so good for them, they really deserve a vacation.

It's GRAND FINAL weekend here in Melbourne!!! West Coast Eagles VS Sydney Swans. I'm not too excited seeing both teams aren't Victorian teams. However, if I'm kicked off the fence and am forced to pick a team, I am barracking for the eagles! It's been actually quite entertaining following the footy this season... I was never really into it, but this season, Marcus got me into it, we even went to a few games... I actually like it. Too bad our team Carlton (go Blues!) aint too good... we're at the bottom :(

Anyways, that's all boring football talk. Please keep praying for our friends here on Caringbridge. And as always, to whoever happens to stop by, THANK YOU. Not many messages in the guestbook, but thanks to all who write anyway :) I loveeee it and appreciate it!

Spring is here, it's been beautiful. BUT...

The hayfever has started...

Love, Janice

Thursday, September 8, 2005

*~*~*~*HAPPY 3 YEARS IN HEAVEN, MUM*~*~*~*~

Heaven is lucky to have you. We miss you terribly and love you endlessly!

~I Never Saw Your Wings~

How is it that I never saw your wings
when you were here with me?
When you closed your eyes and soared
to the Heavens I could hear the
faint flutter of your wings as you left.
Your body no longer on this side
your spirit here eternally I see your halo shine.
I close my eyes and see the multicolored wings
surround me in my saddest moments and my happiest times.
Mother my angel God has given you your assignment
always my mother forever my angel.
You fly into my dreams and when I am asleep
I feel your wings brush against my face wiping away
the tears I shed since I can no longer hold
you in my arms but in my heart.
You earned those wings dear mother
and you will always be my angel eternal.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Hey everyone!

Spring is hereeee!!! We've had some superb weather lately... pure sunshine... BLISS. It reached 18 degrees C here in Melbourne today... a good sign spring is here and summer is on its way :)

Well, not much to report over here except last Sunday was Father's Day here in Australia...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAD!!!!!!!!!

It kinda sucks that our Father's Day doesn't coincide with the rest of the world.. but hey, father's day is father's day!! Australia likes to be different. Well I actually really just wanted to share one of my favourite memories of my dad that I have... I remember starting my first year at school... I was six,started first grade, was probably really shy and nervous... but despite all that, I think I enjoyed school... I remember a particular incident where I was in class and all the kids were completing an activity. The activity was we all had pictures of animals in front of us with dotted lines outlining the animals, and what we had to do was use our teeny weeny kiddy scissors and cut the shape of the animals following the dotted lines. Me, being six years old (or any six year old for that matter), didn't have perfect cutting skills as yet and accidentally cut out of the dotted lines... my stupid teacher started yelling at me for not being able to cut following exactly how the dotted lines was. Of course being six, I had no idea it was okay to not be able to do that. So we had to take everyhting home as homework.. and when I had to cut them at home, I started crying coz I was so scared I couldn't cut them good enough. My dad being the best dad in the world, assured me that I was cutting perfectly okay, he sat me on his lap and he helped with the cutting and also did some for me... thinking of that always puts a smile on my face!!!!

I LOVE YOU DAD! :)

If you're in Melbourne, there will be the annual Remembrance Lantern Walk around Albert Park Lake on Sunday, September 18th. So if you're interested, do come along and remember and honour our most special loved ones we've lost. I'll certainly be there! Let me know if you're coming too :)

That's all for now... please keep the victims of Hurricane Katrina in your prayers... and all our little fighters here on CB too! Thanks for checking in, my dear friends :)

Mom, neeeeearly 3 years since you've been gone... I feel you with me everytime I close my eyes.

Love,
Janice

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Hi everyone :)

Yes, with that little smiley face, you'd be pleased to know that I feel much better writing this entry. Unlike my last. Man was I feeling really down. I don't know... one of those occasional moments... those occasional moments used to be pretty frequent... so frequent that even I got worried and stopped to ask myself it that was what being depressed felt like. I mean, I have some REALLY dark and sad moments.. no doubt about it. And in those moments, no one and nothing can make me feel better.. can bring me out of the darkness or the dark, dark hole I let myself in. The only person who can release myself from the sadness is... myself. And time. So I don't think I'm 'depressed'.. but if that's what sadness feels like... I don't want to imagine what people suffering from depression feel... because it's certainly not the best feeling in the world. So anyway! Luckily I had my wonderful girlfriends as my saviours... I was actually in no mood to go out dancing.. but the dragged me along kicking and screaming...and it worked like magic. Lifted my mood and I felt much better... I guess that's what friends are for... to take you on an awesome girls' night :)

Annnnyway... HAPPY SPRING!!!!!!!! Yay!! First day of spring and it was a beauuuuuutiful one. The sun was out and the skies were blue! Looks like we're in for some really awesome weather in the next week... I can't wait :) Oh, but how totally horrible I feel for everyone who's been impacted by hurricane Katrina :( Not good. I hope all our friends in New Orleans are safe... Lori (Ashton's mom) if you're reading this, please update or email so we know you're okay. New Orleans have been all over our news here.. and the devastation is just sooooooo horrible. Lives lost, homes lost... families missing... please keep them in your prayers.

Well, not much to report over here... mum's 3rd year anniversary in Heaven is coming up, in a week to be exact. Not a moment goes by where I don't think of her or miss her. Someone asked me the other day, "Do you miss her?". I didn't know whether to laugh at what a silly question it was... or cry because the truth was I do miss her like crazy. Please pray for my family as mum's anniversary approaches... it's still not easy... don't imagine it will ever be.

Thank you all for your messages!!! Thanks for stopping by :)

Love, Janice

Friday, August 26, 2005

Hi everyone,

Wow. Today has been a tough day. Actually, the past week or so has been tough on me... it's hard to explain but I'll leave that for now. Today however, was especially tough... I don't know if it was the stresses of work, we've been extremely busy, upto our ears with deadlines. But I came into work feeling pretty blah. I noticed one of my colleagues wasn't at her desk when she usually would've been at work by then. I waited till my manager got in and got the news that she (my colleague) wasn't coming into work after all. I didn't ask why in fear of being overly nosey. But I had an extremely terrible feeling. Sometime during the start of last year when I had just started at the company and only started getting to know people, this colleague of mine told me that her sister-in-law had Ovarian Cancer and that she was going through a tough time... hearing of this of course, tugged at my heart knowing very well that my mum had fought the same battle. Turns out her sister-in-law with cancer was around my mum's age. She'd been fighting Ovarian Cancer for a couple of years, the treatments were taking a toll on her and the entire 'cancer' thing was just getting her down and depressed. Once in awhile, I'd ask my colleague how her sister-in-law was doing. And she'd tell me the same story.. she was feeling down in the dumps, depressed and sad all the time... her family was trying to get her counselling and support but she wasn't upto it... she only wanted to stay in bed day after day. I even suggested for my colleague to introduce Caringbridge to her. She tried but her sister-in-law did not want to hear about it. Anyway, so because my colleague wasn't at work today and had taken the day off as a personal emergency leave... I knew something was wrong and it perhaps could've been something to do with her sister-in-law. Turns out I was right. She passed away last night. After a long battle. My day couldn't have gotten any worse... it sounds stupid, but I felt like I was the one getting the 'bad' news... that someone close to me had died. From Ovarian Cancer. I guess it brought back memories.. but I just felt so sorry for her family. For her. Because during the entire course of her illness, she only knew the feeling of sadness and depression.. nothing and no one could make her happy. It made me think that dying and leaving this earth was probably what she had wanted from day one of her diagnosis... and that it was all she longed for. Maybe she was really happy in the moments right before she took her last breath. Maybe those last moments here on earth were her happiest in a long time. If that's the case, than I'm glad she is where she is now. Although the hurt and pain left behind from her being gone can never be described I'm sure... please keep her family in your prayers. I don't even know her name, but I pray and hope her family is okay.

With more sad news, we lost precious David yesterday. He fought his battle with full of courage and grace... and for that, David is now one of the many beautiful angels in Heaven under my mother's wings. My heart is broken for his devastated family. Sarah & Jerry, I'm praying for you guys... please go by David's site and leave them a note. They would really appreciate it. Sleep well, sweet David...

To a completely different topic... sometimes I wonder if not knowing exactly what you want in life right this moment could actually be a negative? Does it mean I don't have ambition when I'm not sure exactly what it is I want to achieve? Does it make me useless when I have a million dreams for myself but cannot find the way to reaching those dreams? In the past 2 years, I have found myself going through phases of knowing exactly what I want. Yes, this is what I want and love and this is what I'm going to do. And I have also found myself going through phases and feeling completely lost and not knowing anything anymore. I have come to realise that the answers are never in the book... even if the book's title is "Find what you want in life". That the answers are never in the words of people who are there for you in so many different ways. That the answers are never in a picture. I have realised that the answers can only come from within me. But how... how do I look for these answers inside of me? I am waiting... waiting for a single incident... a single thought that would flick the switch within my mind voila, the answers will appear. I feel like if I wait any longer, the world isn't going to wait for me... that I will not keep up. It is so hard.

Friday, August 19, 2005

~*~*UPDATE: 24TH AUGUST~*~*

Everyone, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE from the bottom of my heart, PLEASE pray for David... his condition has taken a turn for the worse. He's not doing good and could really use a miracle right about now (do you hear us up there??!!!)... keep this beautiful boy in your prayers. His family too. I am just so heartbroken for them and for David... he deserves to have the life of normal 4 year old.

Thank you.

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Hi everyone!

Boy am I glad the weekend is here... it's been awhile since I haven't had anything planned for the weekend so I'm just gonna take it as it comes and enjoy every moment of it! Not that I don't always enjoy my weekends! Let's face it, without them I would go insane. Not that I'm complaining about work or anything.. I'm actually enjoying work right now... so much so that when I was hit with a really bad cold/flu last week I even managed to drag myself to work.. EARLY... and even stayed back upto an hour each day.. what's going on! Nah, it's been good. I have been given more responsibilities off late and it's a good feeling.. it really is. Just shows that my team leader trusts my capabilities and knows that I'm capable of handling bigger responsibilities... and as always it's always more interesting when you're learning new things... so I'm all for it! :) Enough about work, it's the weekend for pete's sake.

Well it's been pretty wet in Melbourne the past couple of days... it hasn't stopped raining today since this afternoon and I don't imagine it'll stop till next week :) Hallelujah, rain is good. For our farmers anyway. They must've done a big rain dance or something...

Ohh yes, before I forget today is Daffodil Day here in Australia... an extremely important and special day :) All monies raised from today will go towards cancer research and support.. and yes we all know just how important that is! I hope those of you Down Under bought your pins, pens, teddies and all that jazz! For a very worthy cause. And get this... from 15th Oct - 23Oct, we're celerating Girls Night In 2005! It sounds awesome... quality time with our girlfriends (NO BOYS ALLOWED! Although, the more the merrier!) hanging out, chilling out, doing whatever we love to do together... and more importantly help raise funds towards breast cancer research by making a donation equivalent to what we might spend during the night... I think it's a great idea and I'm definitely going to put this forward to my girlfriends :) You guys should try it too! Even if it's a slumber party with your mums, aunties, grandmas, girlfriends, cousins... it will be fantastic fun!

Now on to some serious prayer requests... and unfortunately I do have a few tonight :(

Heidi is hanging on to her life and is in desperate need of her very own miracle... she has been an amazing inspiration to many here on CB...and with everything that she's been through, you can imagine how down she must be feeling and her broken her spirit must be... PLEASEEEE go by her site and support her. Her and her family would really appreciate it.

David is also hanging in there and isn't doing well at all... his doctors are running out of answers and options.. his parents are clinging to ever last shred of hope they have... please pray for little David... his family is really at breaking point and they could use some words of love.

As if things cannot be sadder around here, Alice, oh sweet Alice... she has been readmitted to hospital and they have found a new malignant tumour... her cancer has returned and the doctors can't do anything anymore... PLEASE pray for Alice and her family. It is such a painful, difficult time for them...

Continue your prayers for Mark as he was admitted to hospital but thankfully is home now... however he's still not better and is experiencing a lot of pain... please say some extra prayers for this gorgeous boy.

Last but not least, Margaret also needs all the prayers she can get... she is completely exhausted with everything her mind and body has been through trying to fight Ovarian cancer... she's feeling rather down and sad, so please stop by her guestbook with some cheery messages if you get the chance. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

Thank you ALL for your support!!!!!!!!! I can never stress enough just how much each of you do for our fighters on here... with every little note, email, picture that you leave for them... even if it puts half a smile on someone's face, be it the person fighting, their parents or their siblings... IT'S WORTH IT! Thank you again..

And to leave tonight's journal on a happy note... my gorgeous Aussie battler Dylan has proven himself to be delightfully charming with the ladies!!!!!!!!!!! And no, not just your ordinary kinda lady (he can charm us without even trying I'm sure!).. but he has now moved on to FAMOUS CELEBRITIES!! AKA NICOLE KIDMAN!!!! Holy cow! GO DYLAN! Little Dylan woo'd the heart of Nicole when she decided on her way to work that she would like to meet this little spunk... go by his site and read their story, how they met, what they said and what's happening on Saturday! Yes, lil Dylan has a DATE with Nicole. Boy, I cannot be prouder of him. Like I always say... GO DYLAN! What a champion... and Nicole, oh Nicole, she sounds absolutely lovely and I'm not surprised just how down to earth she is. I'm proud to call her an Aussie :)

Okay that's enough for tonight... I've rambled on way too much. I'm going to put my feet up, read my book and watch Christmas with the Kranks on DVD... hehehe. I love a good Christmas movie! G'night all, thanks for checking in :)

Love & Laughs,
Janice

Monday, August 15, 2005

***BIRTHDAY PHOTOS UPDATED!***

Hey everyone!

I write this journal wearing a thermal, a t-shirt, a cardigan, a jumper, thick trackpants, thick socks, my warm can't-live-without pink ugg boots and my ski beanie. Uhh, incase you don't get the picture, IT'S FREEZING HERE!!!!!! We haven't seen weather above 13 degrees in days. Last week it was so cold, parts of Melbourne were SNOWING!!! S-N-O-W-I-N-G!!!!!!! And I'm not even talking the mountain ranges.. I'm talking suburbs which NEVER sees snow... ever. The mountains... well they were blizzard-ing away.

Unfortunately, as soon as the weather turned bad, my what seemed like an under controlled sore-throat took a turn for the worse and decided to turn into a really bad cold. I was feeling crappy and miserable right up until maybe Saturday morning. And take note, I still went to work :) I'm feeling much better now and can actually breathe through my nose so that has to be a good thing..

Yesterday (Sunday), I made my way down to the Ronald McDonald House, Parkville for my volunteer session. I immediately fell in LOVE with the place. From the moment I stepped in... I knew it would be a place I would want to dedicate my time to. It's a beautiful home... extremely cosy and so full of character and personality... I could tell just how much the walls have seen and heard... the lives they've seen come and go... the special children and families who've lived so much of their lives there... who've moulded the house into what it is today. I was extremely taken aback with how wonderful everyone was and especially our volunteer co-ordinator Melinda. She was so lovely and made us feel so appreciated for even just turning up. I on the other hand just felt so thankful and lucky that I've been given the opportunity to volunteer here. I know volunteering is a big commitment and not something that should be taken lightly... and I'm really looking forward to donating my time to the children and families of the Ronald McDonald House.

At the start of the orientation session, we were asked to introduce ourselves... what we do, what we enjoy doing in our spare time, what made us pick RMH as our choice of volunteer organisation... that sort of thing. I thought about it. And not surprisingly, I knew immediately what my inspiration were. And I say 'were' because I have TWO main ones. One- my mother. The fact that she fought cancer. Battled it. Survived it for 4 1/2 years.. she is my inspiration in a billion and one ways. Two- Caringbridge. The children I've come to know, whose stories I've followed for so long now. I always knew deep down within my heart jus thow much Caringbridge meant to me as a support network and as a place where I could give my heart and love to... but I think sitting in that room at the Ronald McDonald house thinking of Caringbridge being my inspiration... I think it really opened up my eyes more of just how much these little battlers mean to me. They really do give me a reason to want to give to the community... to offer all that I can... to simply put a smile on a child's face. And this gorgeous boy... he's a huge inspiration to me too :) A good, full-spirited, strong, brave little Aussie fighter... fighting it out. A hero, a champion of our Ronald McDonald house here in Melbourne... chasing his dream in New York.. to be free from cancer. Dylan, you're my hero buddy. I'm doing this for you, all our Caringbridge friends around the world, and all the other beautiful kids fighting this monster we call cancer.

In the words and motto of Lance Armstrong,
LIVEStrong.

Love, Janice

PS: Have a wonderful week!!!!!!

Monday, August 8, 2005

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF! :O)

I turned 24 on Friday (5th Aug)... getting old! I don't know if I'm still in my early twenties or am now considered mid-twenties... hope it's still early twenties. Well, Adrian and I both had really good birthdays this year... dad was down in Melbourne to help us celebrate which really made it so much nicer. Dad flew back to KL yesterday afternoon and we all miss him already!! Hope you had a safe flight dad!

Well not much to update on except I wanna try and make the guestbook rounds... this Sunday will be my orientation session with the Ronald McDonald house here in Parkville, Melbourne. I can't wait! :) I'm really looking forward to it.. I really don't have an idea on what will be happening but I'm sure it'll all be good.

I'll try and update more frequently. Sorry for such sparse updates... work has been kinda crazy.

Today has been 2 years and 11 months since my beautiful mum went to Heaven. Hard to believe it's been nearly 3 years... where does the time go. I find myself asking that question quite a bit lately! Mum, you are still sooo loved and remembered... you are FOREVER in our hearts and minds.
WE LOVE YOU.

Take care everyone, pray for our little and big friends...

Love, Janice

Sunday, July 31, 2005

*****HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY, ADRIAN!*****

Hi everyone!

Just here updating that my lil brother has now been officially given a spot in the 'adult world'. And trust me, that is a SCARY thought!!!! He will always be 10 years old in my eyes :) Hahah... those are words from his over-protective older sister = ME.

He turned 21 yesterday and we spent the day as a family. We took dad out to brunch (yum cha) and later had a big Chinese dinner with a couple of our cousins and some of Adrian's friends. I think he had a great day coz he was spoilt rotten with gifts... clothes...A BIKE!!!.. and bike accesories...

Well we are all enjoying having dad around. He has another week here before flying back to KL. Not much planned for this week.. except... it's only 5 DAYS till my birthday. We're all going out to dinner at this most delish Chinese restaurant which specialises in roast duck.. it's absolutely devine so I can't wait. It's only natural that I pick that restaurant for my birthday!

Of course, no birthday of ours will ever be the same without our most precious mother. I've been missing her so! It's HARD... but we're okay... most of the time anyway. My heart still feels so raw from her passing... there are about a zillion things around here, in my life, that reminds me of her gracious existence once upon a time. I will never stop reflecting upon our time together.. I have been doing alot of it lately...

Before I end this tonight, PLEEEEASE say some extra prayers for David... he is fighting his hardest....

Thank you all for stopping by! We're having some glorious winter weather here in Melbourne... gotta love it!

Love, Janice

Sunday, July 24, 2005

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~UPDATE: July 27th 2005~

I have an interview this afternoon that could change my career life forever. Funnily enough it will be my first REAL interview with anyone. I am nervous, but confident. I don't want to go into detail of what kinda job it is in fear of jinxing any chances that I have. But it's safe to say that it is extremely important to me and is probably happens once in a lifetime. If not a couple of times. But you know what I mean. PLEASE cross your fingers for me and say a prayer. Thank you :)

Love, Janice

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Morning everyone,

It's a BEAUTIFUL day here in Melbourne :) It's cold, it's windy but the sun is out and that's all that matters! Who knows how long this will last for so I'm enjoying it for as long as I can :) Those living in Melbourne will understand how these good weather days are precious.. we can go from sunny and calm in one minute to rain, hail and a storm in the next! Haha.

Well, last night Adrian & I went to pick dad up from the airport. He landed at around 7.30pm and was out of the airport by 8.10pm. It's been nearly 7 months since I've seen him so it was really great being together again. Dad is doing well. We're really glad to have him here. It'll only be a short visit - 2 weeks - but hey, 2 weeks is better than no weeks! Today we're heading to Karen & Dean's for Sunday lunch... Adrian is back at university next week after enjoying a month winter vacation. He also managed to get a part-time job at IGA supermarket. Yeah! His first part-time job ever.

Other than that, all else is well and dandy this side of the world... did I mention that I finally purchased a winter coat this winter??? Hallelujah! After spending ALL winter last year looking for one and didn't end up finding one... I found one about a month or so ago and I've been loving it. I wear it to work as the mornings are just FREEZING... and really, it's been a godsend coz it's been keeping me nice and warm during the cold days (ie: EVERYDAY) and I haven't exactly dreaded going out in the cold.

ANYWAY, please please please say a few prayers for some of my buddies going through rought times. Especially little David... he just had surgery to remove a tumour from his chest but is now facing complications in recovery. His recovery after surgery is not going as smoothly as expected.. he is in critical condition and could really use the prayers... his family too. I cannot imagine what they must be feeling. Please pray for the David and his family. ~~~~GO DAVID!!!!!!!~~~~

Also, please keep Jennifer in your prayers... she received some superb news about her being cancer-free but has now been knocked back with other complications and has been admitted to hospital. Please keep her in your prayers...

Please don't forget Heidi... she is battling the biggest, most difficult battle of her life and is in desperate need of prayers and a miracle if it's out there...

THANK YOU ALL for your support!!!! It means a whole lot! Are you guys enjoying the Tour de France? I've never been a follower but I've been following abit of it this year and it's quite amazing... I LOVE watching Lance Armstrong... he is such a hero in so many ways. I watch him on TV ride his butt off, hundreds of kilometres a day and I wonder how in the world did he manage to fight cancer and kick it right in its butt and still do all this riding. He's AMAZING. It feels even better that I have his yellow wristband around my wrist :) GO LANCE.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend... continue your prayers for our buddies around the world fighting to live.

Love, Janice

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Hi everyone :)

It's been awhile... just wanted everyone to know that all is well here. Been busy busy busy at work. I won't write much now coz I'm at work... but I will update again soon :) Dad is arriving in Melbourne in 3 days. He'll be here Saturday night for two weeks! Adrian's birthday is on the 30th of July- the big 21st. And mine is a week later on the 5th of August :) We're lucky to have the family together for our birthdays...

Will be back soon. Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Sunday, July 3, 2005

*8th July 2005*

Dear mum,
Two years and ten months since we've seen your precious face. Just as diamonds were your best friends, you were just as precious as they were!!! Missing you always...

We shall find peace.
We shall hear the angels,
We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.

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*5th July 2005*

HAPPY 33RD BIRTHDAY, DEAN!!!!!!!!

Today is my brother-in-law's 33rd birthday, boy oh boy someone is getting old :) Hehe.

A few more prayer requests... Heidi could use a ton of support and prayers right now... her condition is not getting better but instead worsening as each day passes. She is finding it extremely difficult to face everything emotionally and mentally. Who wouldn't. Please keep her in your prayers, she is an amazing fighter... we love you, Heidi, remember your spirit cannot be broken. Also, please pray for Mark... his is experiencing some pain and is hanging in there. His dad has left his job to spend each and every single moment with Mark... as you would. Time is so precious. Maria isn't doing too well either.. she is currently undergoing treatment however is having a rough time. Please keep her in your prayers...

Thank you all so much for caring. It really means so much... my time on Caringbridge this past 2 years has taught me so much more than I ever thought it could teach me. I LOVE praying for people, I LOVE spreading the love and cheer... I LOVE being able to support people who need it... I LOVE writing words of encouragement... it brings a great deal of joy and peace to my heart. If this is what it feels like, the reward of seeing what joy it brings to others... I want to do so much more... I want to give so much more. I have applied for a volunteering position at the Ronald Mcdonald House here in Parkville, Melbourne and I'm hoping to attend my first orientation this Sunday. Depending on the available placements in the orientation program, I might not be able to start on Sunday, but in a fortnight's. I am so excited... I just feel like it's going to be something I'd never regret doing and that it'll change my life somehow.. Caringbridge already has done so much for me on a spiritual level...

Thanks everyone for checking in!!! :)
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Good day, everyone :)

I've just gotten back from my weekend trip away with Marcus. It was absolutely fantastic. I had such a great time that the drive back really saddened me... just meant that my beautiful weekend is over :( We did a heap of stuff... mostly 'nothing'. Hehe. Or relaxing if you'd like to call it that. We left Melbourne early Friday morning and arrived at Lakes Entrance at 11.30am... it was a long drive compared to what we're used to. Usually during summer we take drives down the coast to the beach and that's no more than a two hour drive. So this was certainly different. Our bed and breakfast we stayed at was absolutely beautiful... the views were spectacular to say the least. Our room has magical views of the ocean (Bass Strait) and we just could not get over how beautiful it was... our favourite line was, "Imagine waking up to this everyday". Hehe.. we can only wish. And imagine. It was very serene and peaceful as the bed and breakfast was tucked away and secluded from the rest of the town.

On Saturday, we went on the Wyanga Park winery cruise... which was good fun. The weather didn't hold up as long as we wished for, it started spitting rain but that didn't ruin our fun. We did some wine tasting on the cruise as the boat took us to the winery. When we got there, we had a very yummy lunch and of course, more wine. Surprisingly we weren't a drunk bunch on the cruise on our way home! Haha. After lunch, we treated ourselves to a game of mini golf... which is always A LOT of fun. I don't like to 'lose'.. and Marcus is very patient, so you could say I always 'win'. Haha.

Today, just before we started our drive home, we went to do some caving. We drove 45 minutes from Lakes Entrance to Buchan where they have the world-famous Buchan Caves. I had never heard of it before this weekend so I couldn't figure out why it was known as 'world-famous'. However, as soon as our tour started and we entered Royal Cave, I knew why... it was just amazing. The formations are known to have been formed nearly 400 million years ago. The cave itself was founded nearly 100 years ago. Quite amazing... the walkways inside the cave were extremely narrow... and caving really isn't for claustraphobic people.. or tall people for that matter. Hehe. Luckily neither Marcus nor I are claustraphobic, however, Marcus who stands at 6'1 had a little trouble as he constantly had to bend over so he didn't hit his head. Hehe. It was certainly an interesting experience and I took a whole heap of photos which look amazing...

Check out the photo album!! By the way, does anyone know how I can post more than just three photos on the photo page? Please let me know how you do that if you have the time to email me or leave me a note in the guestbook :) Thanks!!!

Well, I have the day off work tomorrow so I'm going to look for a new washing machine.. our 9 year old one has just 'died' on us. Hopefully we'll be able to get a good deal on a new one.

I also wanted to make a prayer request tonight...I have only just found out that Sam's daddy, Mark, died very suddenly last month. He drowned in their local lake. Please, from the bottom of my heart I ask you, to please keep the Joy family in your prayers... Sam and his brothers are all still really young and they barely understand any of this. Also keep their mum, Sara, in your prayers. It is such a shocking loss...

Please continue your prayers for all our battlers on Caringbridge. Oh and before I forget, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY to my American friends!!!!!!!! I hope you guys have a fantastic celebration :) Remember to enjoy the fireworks for me... have a great start to the week!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Today is Karen & Dean's 3rd year anniversary!! Just thought I'd let everyone know :) Who can believe it's been three years... they had a wonderful wedding.

I will hopefully have an update on here at the end of the week for some good news. In the mean time, stay tuned and take care!

PS: It is FREEZING here!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh my goodness... I know I missed father's day... but technically I didn't because Australia celebrates father's day in September... soooo... HAPPY BELATED FATHER'S DAY to all daddies outside of Australia! And to my own wonderful dad, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, dad... we love you! To the dad's out there with your angels in Heaven, I'm thinking of you :)

That's all for today.. I'm at work right now, so I shouldn't be typing too much. Hehe. Please PRAY PRAY PRAY for our little friends... thanks!!! Have a great rest of the week...

Love, Janice

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Hi everyone!

First of all, thanks for stopping by and catching up with me :) Not much has been happening on my side, except this end of the world is freeeeeeezing right this moment. Well, I suppose that's why we're in the season called winter. I don't know, I was pretty convinced we were going to have awesome autumn weather all the way through winter... you know, sunny days with cool breezes, with the temperature going no lower than 18 degrees (celcius) but no higher than 20. I mean, we were getting that at the start of June!!! So I was being pretty optimistic... then winter had to happen and we've been pretty much blasted with rain, wind and just COLD, COLD weather the past week. If you're Down Under, try and keep warm! All those further up... enjoy your summer... I'm jealous, but you already know that.

I don't really have much to write tonight except I need to make a couple of special prayer requests... someone of our friends really need our prayers and support right now... first off, Heidi is extremely ill right now and she is in a critical state. Please say a ton of extra prayers for her... also, if you haven't already met Chance, please stop by his site... he has been a huge source of inspiration to plenty of children and parents on CB... his mum has just been diagnosed with cancer, so they really need your prayers and support. As you can imagine, this is an extremely difficult time for the entire family... especially with two members fighting the nasty 'C'. It makes me sick.

Please continue your wonderful support to our friends on Caringbridge. I have no doubt that your love and friendship is what carries many of these families through the days... good or bad.

THANKS A BUNCH!!! In the mean time, send some of that warmer weather my way won't ya! :)

Till next time,
Janice
xoxoxoxoxo

Monday, June 6, 2005

*~*10th June 2005*~*~

The long weekend is here!!! Happy Queen's Birthday everyone (in Aussie land)!! Have a great and safe one...

Love, Janice

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<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

~*~8th June 2005~*~

Dearest mum,

Two years and nine months ago you flew away. No one can replace you, no words can take the pain away... you are forever missed!! We love you so much and think of you every single day.... we have a lifetime of memories of you.. thank God for that...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Love Janice XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

There's a very special garden
Where the trees of memory grow
Nurtured by the kindness
And concern that good friends show.
The roots are cherished memories
Of good times in the past
The branches tender promises
That souls endure and last.
It's a place of peace and beauty
Where bright new hopes can start
It's memory's lovely garden
That soothes the hurting heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They that love beyond the world
Cannot be separated by it.
Death is but crossing the world,
As friends do the seas;
They live in one another still.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Dear Friends,

Sweet, gorgeous, beautiful Baby Varun died peacefully in his mummy's arms last Saturday... he was nothing short of amazing and miraculous having fought such a nasty disease at such a young age... he was only a baby... gone way too soon. Please keep his devastated family in your prayers... rest in peace, sweet Varun. Your beautiful smile and gorgeous big eyes will never be forgotten!

Well, well, well... not much to report on my side except I am currently fighting off an eye infection. That's right.. it's nothing too major, but it hurt like hell. It really started last Tuesday night after I had been for my Pilates classes... I came home with my left eye hurting just a little... I didn't think anything of it but by the time I woke up the next morning it started to really hurt. By Thursday it was starting to get to me coz it hurt to even blink.. I didn't get to the doct
or's till Saturday morning. I had no idea what it was that was causing my left eye to hurt so much but the doctor said it was an infection... she had a medical term for it but the word was way too long and too medical for me to even remember :) It started with a 'D'. She gave me some eyedrops and it did the trick... well nearly. The pain has gone down considerably... it still hurts a teensy weensy bit when I blink but I assure you it is nowhere as bad as it was last week. I don't know how I went by four days without these eyedrops! I should be fine and dandy by tomorrow coz the doctor said give it 2-3 days and an extra day for it to be completely better... it's already nearly feeling fine. I'm glad it wasn't anything major... I cannot imagine losing sight in any of my eye (TOUCH WOOD)... someone once asked me if I would rather be blind or deaf... I said I'd rather be deaf. I know I'm so lucky to have my sight... but it's things like an eye infection that really, really make you appreciate your eyesight... for me anyway.

We've been having some rather nice weather in Melbourne lately.. it has been a little cold but not extremely. I can handle this :) Adrian is in the middle of finals... his first paper is this Thursday and another one in a couple of weeks. Please keep him in your prayers... this is his final year at university and it has proven to be quite a challenge... he's been doing well though, coping and taking it all in his stride... well, as best as he can anyway. And that's what that matters... the one (of many) things that my parents have taught us is that all we can do is to try our best... and if that's what we've given, our best, then that's enough. We can't regret anything.

Please continue to keep all our brave fighters in your prayers, and don't forget those who didn't survive. To those in the northern hemisphere, have a GREAT summer!!!! Thanks for checking in :)

Love & friendship,
Janice

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

Good day to all my lovely friends :)

To those who still check on me anyway! I know I have been non-existent on Caringbridge for awhile... even my updates have been irregular and further apart... I have been snowed under at work, very very hectic... lots more than usual, but we are slowly getting back to a normal pace. And I mean SLOWLY. In the middle of all of that, I'm also trying to look for a new, better job... it's actually quite scary, this being my first time actively looking for something out there for me... so, keep your fingers crossed for me :)

Well, today is officially the first day of winter! BRRRRRRR it's been really cold in Melbourne... okay, maybe not as cold as some places can get in the USA, we don't have any snow here (only on the mountains), but under Aussie standards, it's COLD!! Hehe. Remember how last year I was looking for the perfect winter coat? Well, guess what... a year later, STILL looking... the ones I REALLLY, REALLLY like, I cannot afford... as is the case for most things in this world! :) Haha.

I know I've always talked about trying to get fitter, well the past couple of weeks I've actually made some progress.. I've started to jog and people who know me, know that I DO NOT jog... don't know, never really considered myself much of person who jogged... but I did so with Marcus one weekend... it was extremely hard work but I managed to do it. And as if I hadn't had enough, I did it again the next day... also, I've started Pilates at the Melbourne City Baths... it's a six week course and I am really enjoying it. Well I've only been to one class so far but it's been really good...

Well, I really only wanted to update to say hello to everyone who continues to come by... the guestbook has been a little lonely off late!! Please do drop me a note whenever you can... I check it everyday. Just a few of our fighters to keep in your prayers... please say some extra prayers for Heidi... she needs all the emotional support she can get. She is nothing short of inspirational... and gorgeous Baby Varun is still hanging on to his little life... he remains on the oscillator with severely sick lungs... things are looking bleak but this little fella is hanging in there... please drop by his site and send some love to his tired and devastated parents.

Thank you all for your prayers and support... lately I've been doing a fair bit of reflection on just how important prayers and support are. Particularly in times of hardship.. I've also been thinking a lot of the lessons my mum's death has taught me... in particular, the importance of cherishing every single moment of my life. The good... the bad... yes, even the bad. For without the bad, we wouldn't know just how absolutely wonderful the good times feel...

I miss her so much... I wish she was right beside me this very moment physically so I'm able to hold her. But like a lot of other things I discover through life and through the passage of time... I have learnt that letting go doesn't always mean forgetting... that accepting reality doesn't always have to have a negative slant to it... sometimes it's what we need. All we need.

Have a great rest of the week, everyone :) Again I thank you for caring, for supporting us, each other... and most importantly for your love for all these beautiful kids... there is no soul like a child's soul.

Love, Janice

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Hi everyone :)

I hope you've all had a wonderful weekend... mine was good, didn't do too much but I had a good one anyway. Friday night, Karen, Marcus and I had dinner in the city after work.. we were craving Mexican so Taco Bills we had! Yesterday, one of my best friends had a late 23rd birthday celebration at a, yes, Mexican restaurant...Fiesta. It was absolutely delish and no, I wasn't sick of Mexican food after having it two nights in a row :) Haha. I don't know why, but I ALWAYS tend to go for their fajitas... they have such an extensive selection of meals but I always somehow just stick to the fajitas.. okay enough talk about the food! Today, Marcus and I headed down to Geelong to check out Marc's brother's new house... it was a nice day.

Well, it's definitely getting colder here Down Under... we still have sunny days but the temperature is colder and the wind is just a killer. I'm really not looking too forward to when we are smack bang in the middle of winter.

Annnyway, Dad left KL to go to China today on a golf tour with some of his friends... they're in a town South of China... I'm not sure what the exact name is...I can't really pronounce it let alone spell it so I won't even try :) But yea, he'll be there for four days. I'm sure he'll have a great time... please pray for his safe trip home!!! We have been having these documentaries on tv lately titled 'Air Crash Investigations'.. and they basically show a different airplane crash every week and what caused it etc etc... TOUCH WOOD but I have to say having watch at least 3 episodes, I am not just a little bit more afraid to fly.. and of course get scared when I know people who are flying. Well, please keep my dad in your prayers. Thanks!!!

Also for some truly WONDERFUL news... my cousin Kenneth and his wife Michelle are PROUD parents once again!!!!! They have a beautiful baby boy...his name is Aidan and he was born last week on the 5th of May. A true gift from God.. his family has been through some tough times, with my cousins losing their first baby Ethan this time last year. I'm sure Aidan has brought tremendous amount of joy to their hearts... I am so happy for them :)

Before I sign off tonight, just a couple of prayer requests... Bailee has been in the hospital for waaaaay too long and was supposed to be discharged today... no news yet but please pray she gets leave the hospital. She is one tough little chick!! I can't imagine having to stay overnight in a hospital (it would totally freak my out), let alone stay there for months at a time... please keep all the other kids who are in the same boat in your prayers... their families too. Please continue your prayers for Michael.. he is still hanging in there fighting real hard. Pray for his mum and sisters. Heidi is now HOME!!!!!! THANK YOU GOD! Please go by her site and keep her in your prayers... she is one of the most inspiring women I've ever met. Please say some extra prayers for Alice and those close to her... they need all the support and encouragement they can get. As hard as it is being sick, it is also hard on those who are their caregivers... Alice's friend Jen has been an amazing constant support to her. Jen, you are great!!!! Don't ever forget that...and Jen, like you, I too CANNOT for the life of me figure out why some people get well and some don't... some people survive it, some don't... if only we had the answers!! Also, Baby Shanna could use some urgent prayers...she has just been diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes on top of her JMML. She has been in and out of hospital the past week... please say some extra prayers for her and her family... if you haven't followed Shanna's story, now would be a good time to start... she is a miracle. She had her transplant nearly two years ago and fought through it with flying colours.. she only got stronger as each day went by and as far as we know, faced little complications. Please pray she gets through this next hurdle... and last but not least, continue your prayers for Baby Varun... his condition remains extremely critical... he is currently on the oscillator and is fighting for his little life... please, please pray for this little boy and his family... THANK YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH!!!

It's back to work tomorrow... yuck! I hope you guys have a great week... thanks for stopping by and don't forget to leave a note or two in the guestbook... it is really so good to be able to read your notes... you just never know when you need a bit of a boost to your day. It really helps! Thanks!!

Love always,
Janice

Monday, May 9, 2005

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!! To all beautiful mothers and grandmothers out there...I'm a day late, but my wishes and thoughts for each of you are just as warm as they were yesterday :) I thought of all of you yesterday... those without their babies with them...those without their mums.. all of you were in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that whatever you were going through, you went through okay...

Yesterday was okay for me. It was only okay but I think I'll take it... because okay is still better than bad. I had brunch with my best friend...as soon as she saw me, she gave me a hug and told me that her mum said to tell me that she was thinking of me on Mother's Day. Boy, did the tears start to well up... I tried my hardest to hold them back. I think I did well. It kinda felt like I was getting back to square one right after mum passed away... the tears would start immediately if anyone even mentioned her name or anything about her. It took me nearly two years to actually be okay and not cry whenever anyone mentioned her. It's still hard, but at least the tears take just a little longer to flow... they eventually do.

It is still just as hard without her today... sometimes when my thoughts get swept away to her last weeks and days.. I am literally taken to the saddest place imaginable... somewhere where it feels so deep that no matter how hard I try to come out of, it seems impossible. Yep, I still get my moments. It's not easy. They should've written a book of guidelines for when you lose a parent. Kinda like cliffnotes. Last week, I found myself in that really sad place again... this time I was reliving every single detailed moment of the last day of her life. It's like I was watching my brain control my thoughts. I wanted to stop it but I couldn't because I, my soul, myself was not in control of it...my brain was. So there I was reliving that most terrifying, horrifying, saddest, in some ways most relieving day of my life... in particular, the ride to the hospital. The last time she ever left our house... I seriously did not think she wasn't going to ever come back. I did not think it would've been her last time sitting in a car (although before that day she hadn't been in a car for weeks and weeks). I did not think that night before would've been her last night in her own home.. the home she made look beautiful, the home she made feel like a home. It was really early in the morning, she couldn't breathe... her lungs were filling up pretty quickly with fluid, even the oxygen tank we had at home was no help.. dad drove and rushed us to the hospital... I sat in the back seat with mum...holding her up...she felt so heavy on me...when really I swear she was barely 40 kilos having lost all her weight, coming down to barely skin and bones. I knew she was struggling with every breath she took...I held her my arms...scared to death. I remember how she felt leaning against me...I wonder till this day what was going through her head at that time. Me? I said to her, you're going to be okay mum, we're getting you to the hospital and you're going to feel much better... inside, I was tearing apart...inside, I was thinking God, please help her, please. Please stop her suffering. But I don't think I actually meant for Him to take her at that point in time when I asked him to stop her suffering. Although, many times in the past I had pleaded for him to take her if it meant she would be at peace and free from cancer.

Sorry I didn't mean for this mother's day entry to be a dark and sad one...I just miss her that's all. She is so missed by our family... Karen, Adrian and I, we try and talk about her all the time...and even in the times when we don't talk about her, I know that they are thinking about her... it's like you can just tell what your siblings are thinking.

If you have your mum with you, please be thankful for her.. everyday, I wake up, and think of what I would do for my mother if she were here today. Every year (since mum died) when it's nearing mother's day... I still try and pluck the courage to go look at the mother's day cards that are selling. Which one would I have chosen for mum? This year, I bought a mother's day card for Marcus to give to his mum.. it felt nice being able to pick out a card.

Mum, Happy Mother's Day in Heaven... yesterday was also 2 years and 8 months since you left... 'say goodnight, not goodbye'. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MISS YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING. Forever in our hearts....

******************************************

A mother's love determines how
We love ourselves and others.
There is no sky we'll ever see
Not lit by that first love.
Stripped of love, the universe
Would drive us mad with pain;
But we are born into a world
That greets our cries with joy.

How much I owe you for the kiss
That told me who I was!
The greatest gift--a love of life--
Lay laughing in your eyes.

Because of you my world still has
The soft grace of your smile;
And every wind of fortune bears
The scent of your caress.

*****************************************************

Somewhere in my dreams tonight
I'll see you standing there
You look at me with a smile
"Life isn't always fair"

You say you were chosen for his garden
His preciously hand picked bouquet
"God really needed me,
That's why I couldn't stay"

It's said to be that angels
Are sent from above
I've always had my angel
My mother - whose heart was filled with love

Wherever the ocean meets the sky
There will be memories of you and I
When I look up at that sky so blue
All I see are visions of you

"While there's a heart in me, you'll be a part of me."

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Janice

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

Hi everyone!

I hope you are all doing well.. I am fine and dandy over this side of the world. Work has been extremely busy off late... the major setbacks we had at work a few months ago is still there and although we are working hard, it's going to take awhile for us to get back to our normal pace. It's not so bad though coz I like keeping busy at work! A couple of weeks ago, our system crashed and I had nothing to do all day...I was going crazy bored out of my brains. The only thing that kept me going was I was getting paid to sit on my butt. Haha. I know that can sound very appealing but not really when boredom starts to kick in. Anyway, the last couple of weeks we've recruited a couple of new team members so I've been busy training them on their new job.

Enough about work! We are still getting some REALLY lovely weather here in Melbourne (I know I've just jinxed the weather Gods and it'll rain cats and dogs tomorrow). Everyone (in Melbourne) has been saying that it's going to be a warm winter...yipeeee. Well only because we managed a near 30 degree day at the end of April. VERY, VERY rare. Even now it should be getting cold but we're still having what feels like 'spring' days.

This weekend will be a very 'sporty' weekend for me :) I will be at the footy this Friday night and Saturday afternoon. Friday night's game- Melbourne vs Adelaide (neither of which are my team!) will be a pretty special night. The Breast Cancer Network of Australia is hosting an event called Field of Women-Live 2005 at the MCG where the game is held. Why will it be special? Well, just before the game on Friday night, 11,500 women (yes, you read right!) will walk on to the field wearing pink ponchos forming a sillhoutte of a woman. Why 11,500? Because that is the number of women diagnosed with Breast Cancer every year here in Australia. There will also be 100 men wearing blue on the field- 100 men are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. It's going to be a spectacular sight at the MCG this Friday! The sole purpose of this project is to raise awareness of the fight against Breast Cancer. So if you're in Australia, tune in!! If you're outside of Australia, this record-breaking event will be showed all over the world, so tune in too!! I'm soo looking forward to it. My really good friend from work, Michelle will be with me on the field. We're both soooooo excited it's not funny! We signed up over a month ago :) I will try and get Marcus to snap a photo or two so I can show you guys what it was like if you weren't able to see it on tv.. oh, and we also get free entry to the game after, so that's good :)

Now on to some prayer requests... since I'm updating from home, I now have Alexia Flory's link...a beautiful little angel. She passed away on April 26th after a very long battle. Please keep her family in your prayers. Gorgeous aussie Dylan H and his mum Mel also need your prayers... their daddy and brother (Tim & Cain) were able to spend a few precious weeks with them in New York but as always all (most anyway!) great things must come to an end and they left NY to come home to Melbourne on Sunday... Dylan and Mel have been doing sooo well on the other side of the world fighting the disease, they are heartbroken their family is now apart once again. Also, Alice is now back in hospital after being home for a very short while... they have done tests on her to see if her chemo is working but we haven't heard any news yet, so please PRAY!!! Also pray for her very good friend Jen who is a huge support to Alice and to many on CB I'm sure... I know Jen has been the most amazing friend I've (n)ever met since I've been involved with CB... she has always been there for me through guestbook messages and emails. Thanks Jen!!! And to introduce you to a new friend...a gorgeous little fella at that, little Varun is fighting Wiskott Aldrich Syndrome...he needs some really urgent prayers as he's on the vent. He's facing various complications at the moment so please keep him and his family in your prayers. Do stop by his site and leave a note if you can... the support and encouragement would really help his family!! And one more... beautiful Donna needs your prayers too!!! Things are looking a little down for her, a recent scan has shown she has a broken shoulder blade possibly from a tumour...she's experiencing pain and they will be running tests on her soon. Her future course of action is still pretty uncertain, so please pray something CAN be done for Donna...she is a beautiful young woman who's fought so hard and so bravely...

Thank you all a MILLLION for your prayers!! There are hundreds more that could use your prayers so do think of the rest I haven't listed...it's a real bummer CB doesn't allow us to list links anymore coz I've just discovered a whole bunch of other kids/adults on CB and would love to share with you...nevertheless I'm sure their links will get around the guestbooks and we'll all discover each other in time!

Mother's Day on Sunday....where do I even start? I'll save it for my next update. Which probably won't be till the weekend or after. So with that, I will have to love ya and leave ya... till next time...HAVE A FANTASTIC WEEKEND. Watch the footy match on TV on Friday! If you can, come down to the MCG and watch it live!! Even better... I can assure you it will be one hell of a sight!!! I'm doing it for my Aunty Janet and Aunty Maureen, I'm doing it for my mum (even though she fought Ovarian Cancer, not Breast) and I'm doing it for the millions of women all over the world fighting it every single moment of their lives. You are all my heros..

Love, Janice

Tuesday, May 3, 2005 1:13 AM CDT

Good Day everyone!

Not much to report over here...thanks everone for stopping by and leaving messages in the guestbook.. you're awesome! Keep stopping by! Just thought I'd write a quick update while I still can at work.. I don't have Alexia Flory's link right now, but please go by her site if you have her link...she passed away last week :( Keep her family in your prayers... and also, please keep Alice in your prayers as she's back in hospital...thanks!!! I'll write a longer update soon... take care and keep safe!!!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Hi guys,

Yesterday was ANZAC Day here in Australia... HAPPY BELATED ANZAC DAY, everyone!!! (who is in Australia). I hope people everywhere took time out to reflect on all those who fought so hard, risked and sacrificed their lives for the freedom of our people and our country... an extremely precious gift...

Well, the long weekend has been pretty quiet I must admit.. probably too quiet for my liking, but hey, it was still good and I still enjoyed it :) Yesterday, Marcus, Adrian and myself had a wonderful dinner at Karen & Dean's.. we cooked like there was no tomorrow and ate like there was no tomorrow as well. Nothing better than home cooked food!! It really made us miss mum's cooking all the more...

We've also been having some really fantastic autumn weather here in Melbourne...it's been unusually 'warm' for autumn...low to mid twenties...so we've been quite lucky you can say. I'm soaking in every ray of sunshine!! Two weekends ago, Karen competed in her first ever triathlon.. it was a FUN morning...well, fun for Marcus, Dean and I anyway, coz we were the ones watching, NOT competing.. Karen did an excellent job...she swam 250 metres down at St Kilda Beach...rode 10kms on the bike and ran 2 kms. All under 46 minutes. Not bad for her first try!!! She was absolutely buggered and vowed never to compete in anything resembling a triathlon... but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she's itching to compete a second time. Haha. She also had a quiet birthday...her and Dean went to Quidam (part of Cirque Du Soleil). I think she's saving the big celebration for next year when she hits the big 3-0.

Adrian has been extremely busy with university and all his assignments and projects...his final year is proving to be really tough and overwhelming as it would... he is really hanging in there and doing his best in everything. However if you could please keep him in your prayers for him to have the strength to keep up with all that's put upon him, that would be so appreciated!! I think trying to graduate from university is overwhelming for anyone...I know it was for me. There are times when you just feel like giving up and the frustration is so intense that everything seems impossible...I think he could be feeling this now. So he needs a lot of support at the moment... please keep him in your prayers!!! Thank you :)

Well before I go, I just wanted to introduce you to Jennifer, a courageous young lady battling Ovarian Cancer. I got to know Jennifer through Leah, a friend of mine I met through CB. Jennifer is undergoing treatment at the moment and could use with as much support and encouragement as possible... please drop by her page if you can!!!

It's still nearly impossible for me to sign guestbooks.. as always, I'm sooo sorry. The good thing is I've been able to check on quite a few kids recently...so know that even though I don't sign in, I'm still THERE!!! Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and guestbook messages.. please continue to check in, not just on me and my family, but on all our battlers our there...

Have a great week ;)

Love always,
Janice

Friday, April 22, 2005

Hi All,

Again, it's been awhile since I've updated properly... it's so frustrating trying to do it at home...my internet connection has been REALLY slow...I don't know why. Because of that I haven't been able to go round signing guestbooks either which is really what I want to do... I'm so sorry if you haven't heard from me in so long... I try and leave a note to those who really need it at this point in time... but please know I'm keeping everyone else in my thoughts and prayers.

Well, I do have some good news to share... I have FINALLY been granted my Australian Permanent Residency...I received the official letter this evening after getting home from work...as you can imagine, I was ecstatic...probably relieved more than anything else. To tell you the truth, I have been feeling pretty low the past month or so... for once it wasn't entirely to do with grief... as those of you who've lost someone would know, when you grief, you grief.. you cry, you recall memories, you feel down, you feel anti-social...and at the same time you realise that life does go on and there are other things to think about. This past month, feeling sad was a little different for me... I started thinking of my goals in life, what I wanted to achieve in the short term, meaning 1-3 years, and I just felt like I was being held back from achieving those goals.. with my permanent residency all up in the air, no news on whether I'd be granted it, it all just brought me down to the point where I was feeling so unsatisfied of the path I was traveling. I'm a rather firm believer in the saying that all things happen for a reason. I really am. But it's funny how differently your head and your heart thinks... my heart has been telling me all along that I would be okay, that my permanent residency would eventually come through, that my life would turn out the way I've always wished it would...but at the same time, my head would block out the optimism in me and bring in the negative thoughts and feelings... and no matter how hard I try to get my head feeling what my heart was feeling... it wouldn't happen... I was leading myself into believing that I was traveling a path not meant for me, not what I wanted. I felt like things weren't going my way...and the frustration of knowing what I want and not being able to get it was really getting to me. I had all these goals I wanted to achieve and it was like the key to achieving them laid in getting my permanent residency...without that key I wouldn't be able to access any of those goals..those dreams. It was a painful feeling. I had a sleepless night last night thinking of what my future held for me...the opportunities, the obstacles...the failures, the success.. everything... I thought of how I've been living in this country for 8 1/2 years of my life, that's more than a third of my life...and still I have to wait 1 1/2 years for my residency status...whereas I've had friends who've lived here barely 4 years and they get their status in 3 months. Their life gets put on hold for 3 months...mine for 18 months... so much I've wanted to do in the past 18 months. Where's the fairness in that? Then again, life is never fair.. I found this quote today:

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, he turned into a beautiful butterfly..."

I read it and it really did lift my heart in ways I've never felt before...I got home today, and there was a letter waiting for me. After so long, I've finally gotten what I've been waiting for. Now I can seriously get on with my life...my career whatever it maybe...my 'destined' path in life taking me to where I should be...where I've always wanted to be...whether I know where that is yet or not, it doesn't matter...I will get there. It scares the hell out of me but I'm stronger than that and braver than that... I have to be...this world isn't going to wait for me while I have a panic attack on growing up in this grown up world of having a career, a family, responsibilities... not everyone likes change...I can freely admit that I'm one of those people. In fact, if I could avoid change forever, I would. But I can't...so what am I gonna do about it? Just deal with it. The past 3 years have changed my life so dramatically, I feel like I'm still spinning out of control... I feel like I've slowly changed as a person, not for the worse, but hopefully for the better..I've certainly grown up a lot more... first with losing mum... probably the biggest change I'll ever experience... graduating from university, getting my first job, realising I'm not a kid anymore, I actually have responsibilities...for myself, my family, the community, the workplace...huge grown up responsibilities... the fear of trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life (still in the process of that actually) has also been a huge change for me... I've never had to worry about it in the past. Being in a relationship was also a big change for me.. a million things I've learnt about myself, about life, about the meaning of love, trust, loyalty, honesty. The ups and downs of friendships...friends you lose and gain along the way.. all big changes in the past few years...I've lost a great friend I once had...but at the same time I feel like I've gained friends for life in others I've met.. One thing I know for sure, change has really made me aware of my biggest fears...one of those is losing those who are dearest to me... I know that if something were to happen and I'd lost my dad, sister, brother or Marcus, I know that I would never be able to cope with it... I couldn't go through something like that again...not now, not ever.

Well it's getting late here...I've written way too much for tonight...sorry if I sound kinda down, but I really am happy that I've finally got my permanent residency :) It's about time!!! Thanks to everyone who continues to check in.. do leave a note if you can!! And thanks a bunch to those who've dropped by and left me really wonderful notes in the guestbook...you're all the best :)

Take care and have a fantastic weekend!

Love, Janice

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Hi everyone, especially all women reading this...

Just over seven years ago, my mother experienced this... abdominal discomfort, swelling in the abdomen, bloating, tiredness, cramps...sounds pretty normal for us women, huh? "It's THAT time of the month again". Easy to rule out anything serious. It's what nearly all women feel when it is THAT time. But how can you be so sure? My mother had all of those symptons but had no idea what was going on inside of her. Only a trip too late to the doctor one day changed her life and the lives of our family forever. She was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. Stage IV. Probably the worst stage for it to be discovered. Currently, there is no effective way to detect Ovarian Cancer early. Perhaps if her cancer was detected much earlier, she would still be alive today.

Ladies, here are some harsh but IMPORTANT facts you need to know about Ovarian Cancer...it doesn't matter how old you are, if you're in your teens, twenties, fifties...it can happen to you...so please read on:

Australian Statistics Source:
Cancer in Australia 1996, Australian Institute of Health and Welfare

-The lifetime risk of a woman developing OvCa before the age of 75 is 1 in 98.
-The lifetime risk for all age groups is around 1 in 60.
OvCa is the 6th highest cause of death by cancer.
-In 1996, 1166 women were diagnosed with this cancer, the most serious and life-threatening of all gynaecological cancers.
-In one year, around 800 women die from this malignant cancer - that is one woman every 10 hours!
-Around 75f women with OvCa are already in advance stage of the disease at diagnosis. Of these some 80ill be dead within 5 years, many much sooner.
-The absence of an effective screening test leads to late diagnosis and a high death rate.

The 5 year survival rates:
Stage 1- 90 percent
Stage 4- 18 percent

My mother was diagnosed at stage 4 and lived only approximately 4 years and 7 months since her date of diagnose. She did not live to see her 5th year.

What are the symptoms of Ovarian Cancer?
-Pelvic or abdominal pain or discomfort, and/or feeling of fullness
-Swelling in the abdomen/ Unexplained weight gain.
-Weight loss / appetite loss
-Bloating
-Feeling tired
-Vague but persistent gastrointestinal upsets e.g. Gas, nausea, indigestion
-Backache
-Cramps
-Bladder or other urinary problems
-Unexplained changes in bowel habits
-Unusual vaginal bleeding
-Pain during intercourse

With that, how's this for good and promising news...

Detection: Hope on cancer screen

15 April 2005

Hundreds of women's lives could be saved with a breakthrough test to detect early stage ovarian cancer.

Melbourne researchers are developing a test they hope will diagnose the deadly disease earlier than before.

Researchers from the Gynaecological Cancer Research Centre at The Royal Women's Hospital have identified biological markers that appear in the blood of women with the cancer.
And they are developing a diagnostic tool known as a multiplex assay that can screen for many markers in one blood sample - improving the accuracy and sensitivity of tests.

GCRC scientific director Professor Greg Rice said he hoped the ovarian cancer assay, known as Ovplex, would be running by the end of next year.

Herald Sun, 14/4, p5; Daily Telegraph, p7; Adelaide Advertiser, p17

This is exactly what we need to save more women succumbing to this horrible disease. Until we have Ovplex available all over the world, the only way we can help reduce lives robbed by Ovarian Cancer is AWARENESS. Be aware of your body and its changes. Only you know your body best. No one else. So ladies, please take care...

Spreading Ovarian Cancer awareness everywhere,
Janice

Thursday, April 14, 2005

HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY, KAREN!!!!!

~Who is a Sister?~
A sister is the one who makes life easier to live,
Whom you can share our likes and dislikes with,
She is the one who tells us her vast secrets and feelings
And asks us to do the same,
And has the rights to know all our friends' name.
She makes us feel comfortable when we are sad,
She guides us the right way when we are bad,
She is more than any word can tell,
She holds us when we tend to fall.
She comes to know our problems through our eyes,
She is of course naughty but wise,
She is my life's sunrise.
We should always make oneself full
of these qualities to be a sister.
And my Sister you are the most beloved to me
As you care so much for me!

Love you heaps!!!
Your lil sister, Janice

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Hi everyone,

It's been awhile since I've actually sat down to write a proper update...the past couple of times I've been writing my updates at work...where the connection is about a hundred times faster and well, the computer is mine to be used and no one else's. Then again, I try to be quick coz well, we're supposed to be 'working' at work. Hehe. I know I say it all the time that I really should make the next step into modern technology and get broadband, but I just haven't gotten around to it...these days my dial-up connection reminds me of a woman...with PMS. It's been having bad, moody, I don't care what anyone says or does, I'm gonna be SLOW days...and it's giving me a real hard time going round the guestbooks. I'm trying!!! I'll get there...

All is well on this side of the world... I didn't go into too much detail of what we got upto during Easter... but we had a good one. Easter Sunday, we had a mini family BBQ down at Mentone Beach near where Karen & Dean live... it was a beautiful day spent chowing down on BBQ'd burgers, sausages and salad...and then endless games of frisbee on the beach. We've been having some real fantastic weather off late, kinda feels like summer is trying to stick around as long as it can...and we're all just hanging onto it! Also, during the long Easter weekend, Marcus and I took a drive down to Sorrento, took our car onto the ferry where we crossed over to Queenscliff and drove back up to Melbourne...it was a stunning day. The last time I'd been down to Sorrento was actually my first visit to Australia when I was only 9. Going back again after so long was great.. and the ferry ride was amazing.

Adrian had a week's Easter break from university. That week, our cousin Daniel who also goes to the same university as Adrian, stayed with us. He actually lives in the university dorms but they were closed for Easter so he came to live with us. I think the boys had a good time hanging out together and studying together.

Karen and Dean are also doing fairly well. They've both been insanely busy with work...and Dean has been even busier with his finance course that he's taking, with assignments to do and tests to study for on top of his long hours at work. It's been a real challenge for him, but I think he's doing pretty well considering he's always been the sort of person up for any challenge, no matter how difficult. The both of them are also planning a trip to Europe for the end of the year...which is extremely exciting! Well, it's even more exciting for me (and the family) really, because I hope by the time they get back from their trip, we'll hear plans for the sound of tiny little feet pitter-pattering around...if you get my drift! :)

Before I end tonight, please remember the families of our two new angels tonight. Benjamin's family- his parents, Anne & Brian, his little brother Zachary and his baby brother-to-be Jeremy. Chase's family- his parents Bethany & Mike. Both these sweet little angels were gone way before their time (as are all our precious angels)...my heart is still so heavy and saddened to hear of them passing. Just over two years on Caringbridge and I cannot even begin to tell you just how much of my heart has been taken with all the little angels we've lost along the way...

Please continue to pray for the others who remain with us and continue their daily battle...they are all heros and champions in my eyes...as easy as it is to shed a tear for the amount of suffering they go through, it is just as easy to smile a big smile for the wisdom they share and the inspiration they instill inside of me.

Everyday, I know I am a better person just knowing their stories and learning from them. I love you all!!!!

And on to a celebratory note...this Thursday, April 14th, is Karen's 29th birthday!!!!!!!!! TWENTY-NINE!!! One more year till the big 3-0. Hehe...please do come by and wish her a happy birthday. She is seriously the best big sister anyone could ask for...

Till my next update, I hope ya'll have a great week... keep fighting, keep smiling, keep praying...thanks for checking in :)

Love & Friendship,
Janice

Friday, April 8, 2005

Dearest Mum,

Just over a month ago, I had probably the most comforting, amazing dream I've had of you since you passed. Sometimes I wish we had dream recorders, like we have video recorders. That way, I could record dreams I've had of you and NEVER forget it. I remember so much of this special dream I had, but knowing my fantastic memory, I start to forget parts of it...but what has stayed clear all these weeks is this... we were alone together in a room, no one else. I don't even know where we were...whether it was in our house or just somewhere strange and unfamiliar. At that moment, I remember feeling in the dream that the surroundings did not matter...it just mattered that you were there and I was there. In the dream, I knew that you had passed away...it was like I was watching myself with you on TV. You held me the entire time. You whispered so many things to me, you told me things you never told me before... you told me that I was your best friend. You said it over and over again. You told me that you weren't going anywhere and that you would always be here for me. I cried. I woke up with tears rolling down my face, to the silence of my own room filled with only the sound of myself choking back tears. I woke up feeling something I've longed to feel for so long now since you've been gone.. it was like you were trying to tell me something.. I tried going back to sleep in hopes the dream would continue but of course that didn't happen...

For whatever reasons you still come to me in my dreams, mum, thank you...you have no idea how much comfort it brings me. To have you in my dreams, to touch and feel you in my dreams is the closest thing I'll ever have till we meet again...

Two years and seven months since we last held you... I don't know how many days are left till I see you again, but I am counting down the days.

Love you forever,
Janice

*****************************************************************************************

Dear friends,

My sweet, brave, champion and hero, Benjamin earned his angel wings peacefully yesterday morning. No words can describe just how saddened I am... a beautiful boy, full of courage, full determination...he fought the greatest battle of his life so valiantly. Please, please keep his family in your prayers... Anne & Brian, we love you!!!!

*~*~Benjamin, you remain my perfect hero. Forever in my heart, buddy...I LOVE YOU!*~*~

{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS FOR ANGEL BENNY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love, Janice

Tuesday, April 5, 2005

Dear friends,

If you looked up the word 'miracle' in the dictionary, you would see Baby Chase's photo next to it. It is with great sadness that I tell you, Chase earned his angel wings on April 3rd and took his first flight through the gates of Heaven... sweet miracle Chase...the biggest, most beautiful little soul, with the strongest fighting spirit...all in a tiny little body...your heart failed you, sweet Chase, but it was no doubt the biggest, most beautiful heart...rest in peace, little baby.

Please pray for Chase's family, everyone...thank you.

Love, Janice

Thursday, March 31, 2005

***Update: 1st April***

Please everyone, please pray for Benjamin...his angel wings are growing and with what little time he has left here, please pray for him and his devastated family. If you don't already know just how amazing this little fella is, well, read through his journals...or let me tell you. I have followed Benjamin for a long time now...he was also one of the very first few that I grew attached to (as you do)...and what have I learnt from Benjamin? Just to enjoy life, make the most of it, every second counts. Don't let the bad or sad things bring you down. Thank you Benjamin. You're my hero!!!! Please keep the Jones' in your prayers...

Also, please say some special prayers for Baby Chase...his little heart is really struggling and they've had to turn the ventilator up. Please pray for this little fighter and his family...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

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Hi all!!!

I'm ALIVE :) I'm at work now so I can't bore you with a long update (lucky you!)...but I feel bad for not journaling over the Easter weekend...HAPPY BELATED EASTER, EVERYONE!!! I hope ya'll had a blessed and safe one... I had a really great Easter weekend..well for it to be a long weekend of course made it all the more great...hehe. We had a heap of chocolate (to make up for last year when I had no chocolate at all due to a horrible toothache)...

Anyways, I gotta get going! WORK WORK WORK! PLEASE, PLEASE pray for Benjamin Jones and his beautiful family. They need you right now. Also, please don't forget baby Chase. And the ton of other fighters...thank you all from the bottom of my heart...and yes, I predict I will update more often when April comes around...March has been a super busy month. Holy cow we've already been through a quarter of the year!!!!!

Thanks for checking in my faithful friends :)

Love, Janice

Monday, March 21, 2005

Hi everyone!

Thought it's about time I updated...I hardly get the chance to come on and write a full, proper update anymore (well, in the last few weeks anyway). During the day, when I get the time to daydream a little, I think of things I could write on here...thoughts and feelings I'd like to share, things bothering me, times I've shared with the people I love and care about...but when I DO come on here, somehow, it seems harder to write...it's like I go through a writer's block or something. Sometimes I think I should carry a voice recorder around with me, so if I have any ideas on what to write on here, I can just record it and play it back when I actually get log on.

Well, I hope everyone had a nice St Patrick's Day :) I didn't celebrate it but I sure did my part...I wore a green top to work and had TWO green apples. Haha. Oh, and I listed to John Mayer's 'St Patrick's Day' song...love that song.

Ohhhh you know what is disappointing...awhile ago, Jen (you guys would know her around Caringbridge) emailed me a link about Franklin Graham (son of great evangelist, Billy Graham) coming to Melbourne. Although I've never really been an extremely religous person, I did take interest. But I totally forgot about it and only realised Franklin Graham had been here this past weekend, and I missed it :( I have never been to anything like it before...the closest I've been to God and knowing about him would be from Sunday School when I was really little, the occasional Sunday church visits when mum was around, and well...through my prayers and own belief. So it's a real pity that I missed his crusade...it would've been interesting. His father, Billy Graham, was an amazing evangelist. In the 1950's, he came to Melbourne and his crusade was held at the Melbourne Cricket Ground where over 100,000 people turned up to hear him speak. Now that's something!

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Well, us Aussies are trying to make the most of whatever summer we have left! We have been having really beautiful autumn weather lately...all in the mid-twenties (degrees). Yesterday, Marcus and I took a drive down The Great Ocean Road and had lunch at Lorne. It was sooooo beautiful...I cannot tell you how magnificent the view of the ocean was as we drove by... the last time I went on a drive like that was when mum was with us. She loved it!!! We had stopped for a coffee at Lorne...and yesterday, I was pointing out the exact cafe that we were at with mum, to Marcus. It's truly a blessing to have wonderful memories you can keep. I know I still have a story to tell you guys on the amazing dream I had of mum a few weeks ago...I promise I will tell it...when the time is right, or when I really feel the need to.

Anyway, I also wanted to make a very special request tonight...Baby Chase is in need of a miracle...only a couple of days ago his parents said their goodbyes. Doctors weren't sure if he would survive. But Chase, a miracle in his own self, had another miracle...but he is still in need of more prayers than ever before...his little heart is really struggling. PLEASE, PLEASE keep him in your prayers. He is a baby who has done nothing but fight a great battle since his first breath.

Thank you everyone who continues to come by and read my updates and sign my guestbook!!! And yes, I'm still trying to make my rounds in the guestbooks...please be patient :) If you haven't noticed, I've removed the links I've had to hundreds of children from the bottom of the page... I'm not sure how many of your got the email from Caringbridge that we have to remove the links...but I really think we should all voice up and do something about it. It is through these links that we spread our love and support!!! Hopefully Caringbridge will be able to find another solution.

Again, thanks for all your support!! Have a GREAT week!!

Love & Miracles,
Janice

Thursday, March 17, 2005

**~~*HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!!!*~~**

Are you wearing something green!?! I hope so :) Today, wear a green top, crunch on a green apple and have an Irish Beer!! Happy St Pat's day, everyone...I promise and update soon.

Lots of St Patty's love,
Janice

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Morning all!

How's everyone doing? I really am sorry for the sporadic updates off late...work has been kinda crazy/hectic for me the past few weeks...it just seems like we have deadlines after deadlines...also our scanning department have been having a couple of technological problems lately which then means it puts us back in everything that we do...coz we rely on the scanning department to do their job first before we can do ours. Talk about relying on technology these days!!! Anyways, I'm sure you guys don't wanna hear about the details of work...hehe.

It's Labour Day weekend this weekend...which you know only means ONE thing....IT'S A LOOOOOONG WEEKEND! YAYYYYYYY. Monday is Labour Day so we have the day off. We're also going to have some superb weather this weekend...so you know, I really just have to hurry this update and get out there. I can see the sun shine and the sky so blue as I type! Haha.

I really haven't been able to go round the guestbooks lately...I'm so sorry if you haven't heard from me in so long! I promise I'll be back soon...the next few weeks will be extremely busy for me. But I hope ya'll know that my daily prayers for each of you DON'T stop...as if! :)

Last weekend, a friend told me she went to the Relay for Life in Geelong...she had a team and everything and they had such an awesome time for such a good cause. One of their dad's had passed away recently from cancer and a friend has just been diagnosed. Now, I reeeeally want to set up a team as well...I'm trying to figure out where to start! If people really want to do it...you know what would really disappoint me? If I asked my friends to come along and do it and they would just shrug it off thinking 'nah, it'll be boring'...or if they say 'yeah sure' but don't really mean it. That would really disappoint me and piss me off. Well, even if I don't set up a team, I'll go and have a look...the next one will be at Albert Park Lake on April 9th & 10th. I really want to see what it's all about... I've never been to one. Plus, I think it's such an honourable thing to do...I mean, doing it for the ones you love and care about...it's all about support. SUPPORT. Without it, you can barely survive in this world.

Anyway! On to prayer requests...please continue to your much appreciated prayers for all our troopers out there!!! I'm sure all you regulars on Caringbridge would know who needs them...on some fantastic news, Bailee has been doing well lately...which is brilliant!!!! Bailee has been hospital since last year...let's just say it's a freaking long time! She needs her break and she really wants to get out of there (wouldn't you?)..she's been fever free the past few days which is superb... keep at it, Bailee! We love you. As for gorgeous Dylan, he now has 1.0 white cells and 0.6 neutrophils.. woooooooohoo! This trooper has been soldiering on since day one when he went into surgery...he's doing great considering them circumstances... pray for continuous improvement! Also say a prayer or two for him and his mum as they are thousands and thousands of miles away from home... their daddy/husband and big brother are back here in Melbourne...it must be so hard being apart but they're doing great coping!

Now for a HUGE prayer request, please keep sweet Alice in your prayers...her cancer came back a couple of weeks ago and she's now in ICU. We're talking about a superbly brave and amazing woman with a heart of gold. She needs your prayers! Please give them to her...

Well, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!!! Oh, and your lovely messages in my guestbook :) Keep em coming! Mostly, thank you for your support...not just to me, but to each and every child and adult here on Caringbridge. As I said before, SUPPORT is so important and that is without a doubt one of the few reasons so many in trial and hardship actually do survive the storm.

Thanks for checking in guys...till next time!

Have a wonderful weekend :)

Love & Support,
Janice

Tuesday, March 8, 2005

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Dearest mum,

Two and a half years ago today. I thought of you today and the first thing that came to mind was not of your last days (for once!), but of my first birthday. People don't believe me when I tell them I remember my first birthday. Hardly anyone remembers the first 5 years of their lives. But not me. I remember my first birthday, and you held me while I cut my cake. You tried to get me to look and smile at the camera...a difficult thing to try and get a one-year-old to do, I know :) Thank you for giving me life. I miss you everyday and only wonder how different my life would be if you were still here. You remain the biggest inspiration in my life and my constant source of strength. Even with you gone, I feel you guiding me...I often ask myself, "What would mum think about this?"...most times the answer would rationalise things for me and I see things clearer. WE MISS YOU A TON HERE!!!!!! We love you so much...

Till we meet again,
Lots of love,
Janice
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

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~Remember sadness is always temporary. This, too, shall pass~ -Chuck T. Falcon

Chuck, I'm still waiting for it to pass........... it's been a long time.

Wednesday, March 2, 2005

Hey everyone!

How are ya'll doin? I'm just dandy...been extremely busy with work, I haven't really had the time to breathe. A colleague of mine was on leave for a week so that was double the work for me. I didn't really mind coz it makes my day go by quicker and I like showing my team leader I can handle a challenge :) Sometimes I think I work best under pressure...but other times I feel like I'm going to explode. But it's all good...I put it all down to experience...the more of it, the better! This particular colleague who was away came back to work on Monday...but she had some bad news...her boyfriend's mother had suddenly died in Seattle from heart surgery. It was so sad. I don't even know her but I was told so much about her...they flew her body back to Melbourne last weekend. Please keep the family in your prayers...they're going through a really rough time. My friend's boyfriend was extremely close to his mum. Oh I can imagine his pain...

Some other bad news...Baby Jacob passed away February 19th. Thanks Dana for letting me know. I had no idea he was going to leave so soon...please go by his site...his mum is devastated of course. She could use the support. He was only a baby... A BABY. He deserved a bigger chance. We also very sadly lost Christopher...oh beautiful Christopher. He fought so hard to stay...finally his angel wings were earned on February 28th. Please go by Chris' site and leave a note for his mum and family. Thanks Alisa for letting me know of Chris' passing. It is sooooooooooooo FRUSTRATING to know we are losing the best souls on earth. It's not fair. To their families. To their friends. To those who love them...

Alice's cancer has returned. Please pray for her...Alice, oh Alice...you were doing so great...you ARE doing great... we have faith in you!!! I remember how nervous and anxious I got when I knew my mum was due for scans and check ups... all I wanted to hear was the best news... no sign of cancer. The way my heart just lifted when we had good news...I long to feel that feeling again. The way my heart sunk right to my feet when we had bad news...I NEVER want to feel again. In April/May of 2002...mum was basically told the cancer was back...attacking her. There wasn't much else the doctors could do...I remember so clearly one night after having heard the bad news...I was in my room and mum and dad were in the lounge room...I could hear mum crying...I knew she was scared and beside herself with disappointment, fear, anger, frustration...that after 4 years of fighting so valiantly...this was what she got- it's back and there's nothing anyone can do about it. The last 9 months of mum's life, I found myself in my very own emotional turmoil...I had realised the exact depth of my sadness, however I did not know exactly how far it would/could go...I worried constantly on how she was feeling, thoughts of the future...of her dying, of our family being left behind as she went on to eternal life... of the pain that my family would feel a million-fold the pain we were already feeling then...to think about it now, my university life and social life is a complete blur in those last nine months...most of my life then was consumed with my mother's illness and overwhelmed with the knowledge that it is possible she could die...and later on that she would die. I don't remember much of being with my friends...or going out to have a good time...I only have vague memories of my time at university that year...and the vivid ones are left of my entire family in Melbourne, mum in her last weeks of chemo, Karen's wedding...and then saying goodbye to mum.

For eighteen months after her death I could not speak or even utter a word of her without shedding a tear. Someone would ask me if I was okay on Mother's Day and I would burst into tears. Someone who had just learnt my mother passed away would ask me something about her and I wouldn't have been able to answer without wanting to cry a river. After eighteen months...slowly it became easier to talk about her without tearing up. It's now 2 1/2 years later and I thought I had it down pat...that I would be okay talking about her...but apparently I'm not totally over it...yesterday at work, I was chatting to one of my colleagues...a lovely lady...she reminds me of my mother. Mid-fifties...really kind and soft-spoken...very logical... very motherly and nurturing, I can tell because she talks about her daughters all the time. So anwyay, she asked if my mother was living in Australia...I told her she had passed away just over 2 years ago. She said she was sorry. I said thanks. She asked how my mother passed away...and that was it...I felt myself tearing up almost immediately. I didn't want to seem like a lost case in the middle of the day in the office...so I just quickly said "Ovarian Cancer...NASTY BEAST". She nodded like she understood. I made an excuse that I had to go to the toilet. I cried like a baby.

I had an AMAZING dream of mum a few nights ago...I will share it with all of you in my next journal. It's been a loooooong day and I need to catch up on some beauty sleep!! Please continue your prayers for all those fighting to live...Katia, Michael, Benjamin J, Bailee, Chase, Heidi, Lance, Mark, Lexy, Dylan H...all their links are at the bottom of the page. And I'll leave the list of my new friends at the bottom of this journal for a little while more...

THANK YOU FOR CHECKING IN!!!!!!!!

Have a wonderful rest of the week....

~New friends to visit!~

Meredith- Fighting ALL
Nakita- Suffering a pain condition affecting her joints and muscles
Chris- Fighting Stage IV Stomach Cancer
Sammy Joe- Fighting Trichothiodystrophy, a condition which means Sammy Joe CANNOT be exposed to sun light. This is disease is so rare that most people have not heard of it and know nothing about it. Sammy Joe's mum is doing all she can to raise awareness on this disease! Go by their site and learn all about it.
Caroline- Fighting Polyarticular Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA)
Angel Dave- Passed away Christmas Day, 2004. His daughter Brenda updates still updates his site.
Brent- Fighting Neuroblastoma
McKayla- Fighting Citrullinemia, a Urea cycle disorder.
Debbie- Recovering from a terrible work-related accident. She is also sister of Heidi. Both inspiring women!!!!
Emma- Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy
Caitlin- Fighting Dysautonomia which is the failure or disfuction of the autonomic nervous system.
Manda- Fighting Ulcerative Colitis
Jessica- I'm unsure of the exact cancer Jessica is fighting, but she is surely fighting as hard as she can and could use the prayers.
Denise- Diagnosed with Chondrosarcoma tumour.

Lots of love,
Janice

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Hi guys!

Not much has been happening on my side of the world, so I thought I'd just introduce you to some new friends of mine :) If you have time, do go by their sites and share their amazing journeys with each of them...they all have a story to tell...and of course, if you are on Caringbridge, you are here for many reasons, one of them would be for support! So support all you can :) THANK YOU in advance!

And here they are...

Meredith- Fighting ALL
Nakita- Suffering a pain condition affecting her joints and muscles
Chris- Fighting Stage IV Stomach Cancer
Sammy Joe- Fighting Trichothiodystrophy, a condition which means Sammy Joe CANNOT be exposed to sun light. This is disease is so rare that most people have not heard of it and know nothing about it. Sammy Joe's mum is doing all she can to raise awareness on this disease! Go by their site and learn all about it.
Caroline- Fighting Polyarticular Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA)
Angel Dave- Passed away Christmas Day, 2004. His daughter Brenda updates still updates his site.
Brent- Fighting Neuroblastoma
McKayla- Fighting Citrullinemia, a Urea cycle disorder.
Debbie- Recovering from a terrible work-related accident. She is also sister of Heidi. Both inspiring women!!!!
Emma- Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy
Caitlin- Fighting Dysautonomia which is the failure or disfuction of the autonomic nervous system.
Manda- Fighting Ulcerative Colitis
Jessica- I'm unsure of the exact cancer Jessica is fighting, but she is surely fighting as hard as she can and could use the prayers.
Denise- Diagnosed with Chondrosarcoma tumour.

Please visit these lovely people's sites :) Also don't forget the many, many links I have to others on Caringbridge at the bottom of this page.

Well, just to update on Ah Wan's birthday last Sunday. It was a beautiful day both weather-wise and party-wise. We had a nice barbecue and enjoyed endless games of table tennis. It was a lot of fun :)

Anyway, as usual I'm hanging out for the weekend... Melbourne is looking forward to a lot of HOT days. It will be a stinking 35 degrees tomorrow...and get this, next Tuesday is forecasted to be a HOT HOT 39 degrees!!!!! SUMMER, YOU ARE ABOUT A MONTH LATE!!! We are supposed to be going into autumn soon...but I'm glad summer isn't ready to give up. We haven't had much of a summer this year. I don't think there was one scorching hot Saturday this year which allowed us to head to the beach :( Oh well.

Do keep our battlers in your prayers...and thank you all for stopping by. If you are new to my mum's site, do drop me a line so I know you popped by! I would love to meet you! If you aren't new, drop me a line anyway :) And if you have a link to your own CB site or to your child's CB site which I don't already have listed on here, please leave me a link in the guestbook...I would be more than happy to list it on here to spread the power of love and prayer.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."

~Mary Jean Iron~

PS: I realise that it takes awhile to load up my guestbook...does anyone know how to link past guestbook entries onto a different link which says "Older guestbook entries", like I see on many other guestbooks??? Please enlighten me!! I'd love to make life easier for those who view my guestbook :) Thanks a bunch.

Love, Janice

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Morning all!

No update for awhile...SORRY! Just writing this morning to say that Adrian is now back in Melbourne getting ready to start another year at university- his FINAL year! Omigod. It is so weird typing that...I still picture him as my little 10 year old brother. If he's nearly finishing uni, that just means I'M GETTING OLD. Hehe. Well he arrived safely last night and Marcus & I went to get him from the airport.

Today we are heading to Gerald & Ah Wan's (my cousins) for lunch and a little celebration as it's Ah Wan's birthday. We have some family down from KL too...Uncle Allen & Aunty Kim Mooi. It will be nice to see everyone!

Okay gotta go. I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend... too bad it's a Monday tomorrow. But ALWAYS thankful we are blessed with another day. I will update again soon, and hopefully with some new photos :) Please keep our fighters and angels in your prayers! Thanks everyone for stopping by and for all your messages in the guestbook...they make my day!

Love, Janice

PS: CANCER STILL SUCKS.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Hey guys,

Terrible, terrible news tonight...I hate cancer. I hate everything about cancer. Right this moment, I cannot think of ONE good thing about this stupid, stupid disease. Stanton earned his angel wings early Sunday morning. He fought with all his might, gave it everything he got, and yes he won his battle. Also, Joshua earned his wings early Monday morning. Dear God, two beautiful boys in one weekend. Both so young, so innocent. Both Stanton & Joshua went peacefully...which sounds relieving, but the bottom line is, this disease is cruel. These boys should be riding their bike on their street on a Sunday afternoon...not lying in bed having trouble breathing wondering when the suffering will end. Rest in peace, boys...you will never be forgotten.

My heart is so heavy...not only for Stanton's and Joshua's families, but for all these kids...for all the grown-ups.. all who are fighting cancer. I never in a million years could ever imagine what they must be feeling deep down inside...I will never know what it's like to just feel miserable and crappy because of chemo. To be in pain, to be constipated, to want to throw up all the time. I get a mystery bug in my stomach and I throw up, maybe the first time in a year...I KNOW how that feels. It feels crap. Imagine feeling like that EVERYDAY for weeks or months on end... CANCER SUCKS. I didn't know the boys for long, I only stumbled upon their sites a couple of weeks ago, but you can learn so much from them (and their families) in such a short time. They taught me that no matter how hard the situation is, you just give it all you've got. Because in the end, you are a winner anwyay. A winner with the satisfaction of knowing that you did your best, you fought hard, and if the best is all you gave, that is GOOD ENOUGH. These boys fought a great battle and gave it all they had...they are winners in this sick, sick game that Cancer plays.

Mum, I cry everyday for you...I still feel the hurt so deeply, so intensely. I wish I was a genie and at the snap of my fingers, I would bring you back. Sometimes I wish I could've been there more with you when you were fighting your own battle...but I had school in Melbourne, and you were all the way in KL. You were always worried that I would miss out on classes. I can tell you now that those classes...they did not even come close to being as important as you. In your last weeks here on Earth, Karen, Adrian & I were desperate to be by your side...you told us that you didn't want us to miss any school. We said, DON'T BE SILLY!!! And we flew home to see you immediately. The best decision I've ever made in my entire life. I would never forgive myself if I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. And you know what I'm like...when I don't get to do something that I desperately want to, or know that I should do...it gets to me and bugs me for the rest of my life (or until I do it). Thank you for all the love you've given me all my life. I cherish all that you've given me and taught me...please continue to guide our family through the hard times. There are days when it still seems impossible to move on...I LOVE YOU!!

Love forever & ever & ever,
Janice

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Hi everyone,

I wasn't sure if I'd have the chance to update tomorrow so I thought I'd do it today :) HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!! Love is in the air!!!! Hehe. Well, I DO hope love is in the air around each of you...with your family and friends and those who are important to you. I don't think Val's Day is just a "couples" or "lovers" thing...it's for everyone who loves someone and who is loved by someone. So I hope everyone has a great Valentines Day. It can be overrated (what with chocolate and flowers so overpriced!!!) but it's still special :) I'm a very girly girl! Haha. Well, how am I celebrating Valentines? Marcus and I aren't doing anything over the top at all...we're just heading out for a quiet dinner for two tomorrow night at the Watergrill on Toorak Road. It's a beautiful restaurant with some really good food so I've heard, so we thought we'd check it out. It should be good, I can't wait :) I love going out to new restaurants and trying out new food.

I had some cute Valentines graphics to put up but for some reason it won't let me upload it!!! My connection is also super slow today for some reason so it could be because of that...I know, I know...it's another *sign* for me to actually get with the times and get broadband...but hey, I may be a young and modern woman of the 21st century but I can be old-fashioned in some ways too! Oh well :)

Anyways, all in Melbourne is good...seems like things are starting to get back to normal from the storm we had a week ago. There are still uprooted trees around waiting to be cleared, but other than that all is good. We've also been having some really beautiful days weather wise... not so many hot days, so I think summer is nearing the end! :( The days are also not as long...it now starts getting dark at 8.15pm or 8.30pm...whereas it used to be 9pm!! Oh I'm really gonna miss the longer daylight hours...

So, before I go...here are my prayer requests for today... please continue to storm Heaven with your prayers for Benjamin J...there has been even more changes off late and his family is just trying to keep him comfortable, pain-free and give him all the fun for whatever time he has left...it is really SO, SO, SO sad...I've been following Benjamin's journey for so long now and it is breaking my heart to hear of these changes. He has done so well for so many years...he is an awesome kid with the strongest will and desire to live. I see that in a lot of kids here on CB and I truly think it's an amazing quality to have in someone so young. There is so much to learn from these children!! Also, continue to pray for Stanton as he continues to fight the greatest battle. He is still hanging in there, only just, but he's been a fighter and giving it all he's got...latest news is that his organs are starting to fail...so PLEASE pray for comfort and peace for this little guy...so little and so extremely brave. Also, Mark could do with tons of prayers right now...he is a young boy fighting not one, but now TWO cancers...he was diagnosed with Wilms Tumour when he was 5, but doctors have recently found AML cells in his bone marrow too. PLEASE pray for Mark, for him to get through this nightmare. All their families need you too!! Thank you for your love and support for these children...they and their families are forever grateful :)

On to some happier news, I cannot believe I forgot to mention this in my last update (sheesh!!!), but we have some WONDERFUL news in my family...my cousin Tracy (my mum's god-daughter) and her husband Patrick are expecting their very first baby!!! The baby is due sometime in October so you can imagine our entire family are extremely excited. CONGRATULATIONS Pat & Tracy!!! Tracy's mum (my Aunty Maureen) is fighting breast cancer at the moment.. and she has been putting up a brilliant fight...I know the of her first grandchild's arrival will bring her more joy than she could ever imagined. I'm so happy for all of them. Please keep my Aunty Maureen in your prayers if you can as she continues her fight to beat Breast Cancer... it's a tough road but I know she will get there... also, please say some prayers for my other cousins Kenneth & Michelle as their baby is due in May...pray the final leg of their pregnancy is a smooth and safe one :)

Before I forget, tomorrow being Valentines Day, is also Angel Colby's birthday. He would've been 7 years old. Please go by his site and let his family know you're thinking of them...Colby was a very special CB buddy of mine and his family is just sooooooooo wonderful. Jack, Laura, Cameron & Colton, I'm thinking of you guys!!!!!! Angel Colby, HAPPY 7TH BIRTHDAY in Heaven, buddy...you are missed more than ever!!! Sending tons of love, hugs and kisses to the Heaven's above from your Fairygodmother.

Thank you all so much for your prayers!!! They are appreciated more than ever...and thank you for taking the time to stop by and catching up with me, and your notes in the guestbook! You're all the best. It's Valentines Day tomorrow...tell someone you love them!

Love & Faith,
Janice

Thursday, February 10, 2005

**CHECK OUT NEW PHOTOS!**

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR :)

Well, I'm a day late...but Chinese New Year is celebrated over 15 days anyway, so I'm not TOO late! Oh yeah, don't forget to check out the photo album for new photos taken last night during our little CNY celebration at Aunty Janet's and Uncle Trevor's...it was lovely!!! We had a giant feast thanks to Aunty Janet's delicious cooking. A big thank you to Aunty Janet!! She is a really good cook just like my mum was and a few of my other aunties are too. There's nothing like nice home cooked food with family around. Chinese New Year really hasn't been the same since mum passed away, but like a lot of other things that won't be the same, we just have to make the best of everything. It was really nice celebrating with what little family we have here in Melbourne. I hope everyone back home at a great big feast too! I seriously could not move myself after dinner...hehe.

Well, I won't write much tonight...but need to update on a couple of CB buddies...so very sadly, Denny earned her angel wings yesterday morning...please keep her family, especially her two daughters Allison & Amanda, in your prayers...they really need it. Also, continue your deep prayers for beautiful Stanton who is just hanging in there as brave and strong as he can... and Benjamin J who has experienced significant changes in the past few days...this is all likely from pressure of the tumour in his brain...so please keep Benjamin in your prayers. Baby Chase although doing reasonably well given his circumstances is still struggling and seems to be extremely tired from breathing on his own so do pray he will be able to overcome everything that comes his way... PLEASE, PLEASE don't forget to pray!!! These precious kids need you right now more than ever...also, their families could do with some support through the guestbook so if you don't mind leaving a note or two occasionally, that would be great.. almost every single family I come across draw so much of their strength and courage through the guestbooks from all of you out there, so please don't think your message won't make a difference, because even a simple "hello" will...

THANKS FOR CHECKING IN!!

Dearest mum, Tuesday was 2 years and 5 months since you went to Heaven...there are no words to describe how much I love you and what a fantastic mother you were...I know you can hear me wherever you are, but I wish you were right next to me so I could say it to your face. LOVE YOU & MISS YOU enormously...<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Love, Janice

Saturday, February 5, 2005

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****Update 7th Feb****

Some serious prayers are needed!!! Please pray for Stanton...oh, what a beautiful little boy...his family have just had some devastating news that Stanton only has neuroblastoma cells left in his marrow...not a single healthy cell. Please, please pray for gorgeous Stanton- for whatever time that he has left to be full of peace, comfort, fun, laughs and most importantly for him to be pain-free.

Also, please continue to keep Denny in your prayers as she rests comfortably and peacefully slowly growing her angel wings...her family could use some support...

Sadly, Lexy is back in hospital experiencing nausea, diaorrhea and pain...please keep her in your prayers...she has been through WAY too much...

And of course, not forgetting the rest battling it up...including Lance, Bailee, Katia (Happy One Year post transplant, babybug!!!), Michael, Benjamin J, Heidi, Baby Chase, Karin, Dylan H, Matt, Joshua and heaps others too...

THANK YA'LL SOOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND SUPPORT!!

It is Chinese New Year this Wednesday, 9th of Feb...we are having a little celebration at Aunty Janet's... Happy Chinese New Year to all my family and friends back in KL, and to everyone reading this who celebrates it :) It's the year of the Rooster (according to the Chinese calender)...and well, THAT'S ME!!! I was born in the year of the Rooster- 1981 :)

I'll be back to post soon, take care!

Love, Janice

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Hi guys!

HAPPY WEEKEND!

Wow, you would not BELIEVE the amount of rain we had on Wednesday/Thursday...in the space of 24-28 hours, we had the highest record of rain EVER recorded...I think records of how much rain we had were started back in the 1800's and well, let's just say Wednesday's rainfall has been the heaviest ever. We don't call Melbourne the city with "four season in one day" for nothing!!! On Tuesday it was a scorching 37 degrees (celcius) and Wednesday was a freezing 13 degrees. It was absolutely crazy. It didn't stop raining all day...and the winds were blowing a gale.. I woke up Thursday morning to no power...listened to the radio through my mobile phone and learnt that practically the whole of Melbourne was flooded. I thought twice of going into work but decided to take the chance...I was extremely lucky, my train line wasn't affected too much, the train came, was overly packed (not surprisingly!) but I made it to work okay. The rest of Melbourne was a different story though...several train lines weren't operating, lots of train schedules canceled, lots of trams weren't running as the depots were flooded...many, many roads around Melbourne were closed due to flooding and also uprooted trees by the storm, and thousands of homes were left with no power and many with trees having fallen onto their homes. Creeks around Melbourne that hardly ever had a trickle of water in it before, were now all gushing with rain water...our Yarra River flooded... what else...I think you get thes picture!!!! It stopped raining sometime Thursday morning...and it was the weirdest picture around town...things were so calm weather wise (the calm after a storm??)..too clam in fact...the sun shone a little...not a drop of rain....and it was like nothing ever happened, except Melbourne had this huge mess to clean up. They are still cleaning up as I speak. I have to say though, the State Emergency Services have been amazing... luckily I did not have to ring them (my place was fine besides not having any power), but I've heard other stories on how wonderful and compassionate they were...and they are only volunteers! We have some awesome people out there :) So those couple of days were surely interesting!!

Well, I just wanted to update about this storm that we had...and also wanted to leave you with this email that was forwarded to me yesterday. Read it, it's just lovely.

,~A Carrot, An Egg, and A Cup of Coffee~

This was too good of a life lesson not to pass on! I know it's a bit of a read, but it is worth it!

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity...boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. You might want to send ths message to those people who mean something to you (I JUST DID); to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you
smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.

If you don't send it, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message!

It's easier to build a child than repair an adult.

I hope everyone enjoyed that :) It's true isn't it?!

I have a special prayer request today...and that is for Denny...a close friend of Angel Maddie's family. She isn't doing very well at all and her time could be near...please say a ton of extra prayers for her and her entire family including a daughters Allison and Amanda. Thank you all for your prayers!! Don't forget out other battlers here on Caringbridge.

I hope everyone has a great weekend :) Thanks for stopping by...

Love & more love,
Janice

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

Hi everyone,

HAPPY FEBRUARY! I can't believe we've been through the first month of the new year already...I know before I know it, we'll be talking about Christmas :) Well, sorry it has taken nearly a week for an update...I try and not spend too much time on the internet nowadays...not because I don't want to, but because I think I should be out there cherishing the beautiful days, being active and doing things...although the times that I do come on, I try and spread my love and support through the guestbooks...I'm sure you all know I cannot stay away from Caringbridge for long, anyway :) How can I??? It is a huge support system for me...

Well, February has always been an important month for me... Feb 4th being the date my mother was diagnosed 7 years ago...SEVEN!!! Holy cow...don't I wish time could stay still. I would freeze every single moment I had with my mother and our family as one. Till this day, I cannot for the life of me find the true and exact words that I felt the day I got the news that mum had cancer and the horrible truth that followed, and the day she passed away. Two days that felt inconceivable for me years ago before mum was diagnosed. Never ever in my life did I ever think my own mother would be diagnosed with cancer, hell, it cancer never even crossed my mind...and never ever did I think before then that she would die this soon. Your parents should be leaving earth because of old age. Just like many of you think your child should never go before yourself. February is also the month that I found Caringbridge 2 years ago, and well, I don't even need to go there for all of you to know how significant this network has been to me.

Last weekend was a bit of an emotional one for me... I think I've just been feeling a little stressed out about what I want to do with my life...what exactly I should and shouldn't be doing to kickstart a career...that kinda thing that you need to worry about when you're twenty-something and just trying to figure things out...anyway, so amidst all the emotion, realising that February was nearing didn't really help...I think I was having a bit of a pity party for myself...couldn't help it. I really tried to snap myself out of it. Anyways, the phone rang, and the lady on the other end says, "Hi, is that Mrs Liew?". I was silent for a long time. Somehow I managed to find the words and said, "No, it's her daughter". The lady on the other end goes, "Oh, would I be able to speak to Mrs Liew?". Another long pause from me. By this time, I'm ready to burst into tears. I quickly said, "No she's not here" and hung up. Well, I didn't lie did I? I think it was just someone from the Arthritis Foundation trying to sell raffle tickets or something...I've had them calling before asking for Mrs Liew. You know what's worse? Mum's magazine subcriptions from "Celebrities" a wig shop, still comes every couple of months without fail. With her name on it. I don't even bother stopping the subscription (it's free) just to see mail for her come through, with her name... the only thing that sucks is that it's from a wig shop and only reminds me of the reason she is gone. STUPID CANCER. Took her hair away from her...she loved it and always loved getting her hair done. Once, when she was in Melbourne visiting us, she came across Celebrities and saw the nicest wig ever...looked at the price tag and it was a whopping $200. She didn't buy it but came home to tell dad about it. Dad told her to get it. If she wants it she should get it. Mum went back the next day and bought it :) She was happy. I am so sad...I need her so much. Especially right now.

Well, I'll try and not let the updates go so far apart... today, it felt like winter in Melbourne. It was freezing, windy and did not stop raining all day long. Looks like it'll be this way for a few days... please keep our little fighters in your prayers...I did not follow his journey for long, but Garrett earned his angel wings early yesterday morning. A true fighter in Heaven. We also lost Kyle on 28th January...gone way too soon!!! Please go by their sites and leave a note for their families...they need all the support and prayers right now...

Thank you all for your love!

The next couple of days will be hard but I WILL get through it...have a great rest of the week :)

“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We're afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We will fall!”
“Come to the edge.”
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

~Guillaume Apollinaire~

Love & Peace,
Janice

Thursday, January 27, 2005 4:31 AM CST

Hi guys,

How is everyone today? :) It's been so hot here in Melbourne, I swear there has not been a day this past 2 weeks that I haven't woken up and felt extremely tempted to head to the beach or lie by the pool instead of go to work. Hehe. Of course, I then have to pinch myself and snap myself back into the real world and remember that I am here to earn a living...oh well :) The beach will just have to wait! Quite surprising, I haven't even been to the beach yet this summer...doesn't help when "beach days" seem to fall only on week days.

The tennis was was GREAT last night!!! I had the best time. It was a stinking hot day (37 degrees C).. we got to the tennis at 7.30pm and it was still SO hot...our seats were right at the back but we still had a great view of the entire court. Lleyton Hewitt was good. The match was incredible and very suspenseful- too suspenseful at times, there were moments during the match when I thought I was gonna die from a heartattack (or anxiety attack) at the age of 23. HAHA. Yes I like to watch sport and take it seriously when I do...I know it sounds bad, but even when I'm not playing the sport, just watching it, I can get real competitive. We all cheered our lungs out...and of course it all paid off. Lleyton won. Only just. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't won...I guess 4 1/2 hours of sitting on a plastic chair with a very sore butt was all worth it. And the fact that it was Australia Day, did make it all the more special...my favourite part of the match besides the end when Lleyton won? Well, half way through the match, there were fireworks going off everywhere in the sky...we had a PERFECT view of it... they were for Australia Day (not planned by the tennis). Of course this distracted a lot of the audience and probably the players too...but let me just say, I missed 10 minutes of the match coz I was, as usual, mesmerised by the fireworks. They were as good as New Years eve!! It was a long and good night :)

The weekend is here again!!! I LOVE FRIDAYS. We get to wear casual clothes at work, everyone doesn't work as hard coz it's nearly the weekend...and well, I look forward to 2 whole days of no work and just doing whatever I want to do :) My weekends are soooooo much more precious than they've ever been before...I don't even sleep in that much anymore because I feel like I need to be up early and get as much of the day in as I possible can...do stuff, see people, even be alone and do my own thing...I really think and believe that ever since I started working (it's been just over a year now since I've been in the big bad real world!), I've really learnt to appreciate my days more... my weekends more...and ever since my mum's death, I have learnt just how important it is to cherish each day, each experience, each moment...and I feel that I did just that last year...maybe not every single day (I have SOME bad days!)..but when my days were good, my mood was up, my general outlook on life was bright...I cherished my existence and learnt to really love life. To not sweat the small stuff. This continues to be a major goal for me... LOVE LIFE. My mum used to tell me that I only ever have just ONE life- take care of it and make the most of it. And that's what I want to do. What I'm going to do.

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good." ~Author Unknown

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."~Jack London

"People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering." ~St Augustine

DITTO! Hope you enjoyed those quotes :) Read them, take the time to ponder on what really lies beneath those words...I think it is great to have quotes by your side, reminding you of what you think holds true to your life, to your mind and to your heart.

And before I go, please continue your prayers for Bailee as she has been having fever after fever...which is NOT a good thing she is trying to recover post-transplant. Also, Baby Chase is back on the vent as his little lungs are just tired and need some help. He's been doing great otherwise! Pray for continuous improvement for this lil fella! Last but not least, I recently stumbled upon Joshua, a gorgeous boy fighting Neuroblastoma and is in need of TONS of prayers...he's not doing well at all so please pray for him to be comfortable and pain-free. His family could use some support too...there are so many others on Caringbridge who need prayers too...Dylan (who's now in New York!!), Katia (HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYBUG!), Benjamin H, Margaret, Karin, Lance, Heidi, Michael...I don't mean to leave anyone out, all their links are below...please stop by their sites when you can!

Thanks everyone for stopping by and catching up with me.. I really appreciate all your thoughts, prayers, messages and emails...do leave a note in my guestbook if you get a chance...I would LOVE to see who has come by...the visitor counter below always goes up, up, up...but I'm sure I haven't "met" every person who has come by...so, do say hi!

Have a great weekend, ya'll...be back soon :)

Hope & Faith,
Janice

Monday, January 24, 2005

Happy Monday, guys :)

Only four days till the weekend. HAHA. I'm already counting. Actually, this week will be quite alright, since Wednesday is Australia Day, which means...PUBLIC HOLIDAY! YIPEEEEE! How am I celebrating Australia Day??? By eating a vegemite sandwich (a very aussie thing, if you don't know what I'm talking about!), maybe have a beer (even though I hate beer), have a BBQ (another very aussie activity!)...and go to the tennis of course!!!! I am extremely excited about the tennis...it will be the quarter finals and our very own Australian, Lleyton Hewitt, will be battling it up. And if you're not a tennis freak (I'm not one, I'm just excited that's all), just know that any tennis match with Hewitt in it is an exciting one. Maybe I'm a little biased but hey...I'm allowed to be.

Yesterday, Karen & Dean and Marcus & I went to the tennis... we got ground passes which allowed us to watch the main matches in Vodaphone Arena...and we saw a couple of really good ones. Men's doubles, women's doubles with Lindsay Davenport (She's cool!)...and my favourite- the women's singles with Maria Sharapova against an Italian girl (whose name I forgot, sorry). That was a pretty exciting match...Maria Sharapova reminded me of Anna Kournikova...except she could actually play tennis...and win the match :) It was a great day! Too bad I wasn't big enough a fan to actually get their autographs!

Okay, enough about the tennis...I'm sure you're all bored. I heard an amazing story at work today. Well, to me it was anyway. I don't know if many of you believe in stuff like this...but here goes. A girl at work told me today that her uncle just found out over the weekend that he's got cancer. Terrible news... the "amazing" (or strange, whatever you like) thing is...2 days before anyone ever found out anything at all...her uncle's son (which means her cousin) who's about 10 or 11 years old...had a dream. When he woke up the next morning, he rushed to his mum and said to her, "Mum! Mum! I dreamt of Jesus and Mary. They told me not to be scared". His mum didn't think anything of it and just accepted it as a "nice" dream. And then, wham bam, two days later the family finds out that their dad/husband has cancer. Now, I was sitting there at my desk in my office listening to this...and I thought that was just amazing. I'm the sort of person who believes in this sort of things...that things happen for a reason.. that maybe sometimes dreams do actually mean something... that kinda thing. And I just think that this little kid, although, probably worried sick about his dad and the possibility that his dad might die, I think that somewhere in his heart, he has some sort of peace and comfort knowing that he has nothing to be scared of. Because God is watching over him and his family.

Without actually trying to sound cheesy or corny... that story made my day :)

Have a great week, everyone. To all Aussies reading this, HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!!! Australia is a beeeeyooootifoool country and each of us should be thankful and grateful for everything and anything that makes Australia the country that it is today. In the mean time, say a little prayer or two (or tons more) for our little Caringbridge troopers... thank you all for stopping by!

Love & Peace,
Janice

Thursday, January 20, 2005

G'day everyone :)

Get ready for the most awesome news...no, we haven't found the cure to cancer just yet...but I'm sure SOME day, hopefully in our lifetime, someone will be writing that line. Well, the GREAT NEWS is that Dylan is now ready to fly to New York for treatment!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAH! GO DYLAN! I actually just saw him on our evening news (he was cheeky and adorable!) and some most wonderful, big hearted, generous people have donated extremely generous amounts to Dylan's fund...I was beside myself with excitement and happiness for the entire Hartung family, especially little Dylan...he soooo totally deserves this. It's a second chance at life for him, and he deserves it...now we will get a chance to see him come back to Australia cancer-free. Please continue to keep him in your prayers...Dylan and his mum got their visas to go to USA too, and they'll be leaving shortly as his surgery is scheduled for the end of January...pray everything goes smoothly...not just surgey and treatment, but life in a whole different country where everything and everyone is unfamiliar...and pray for their family they have to leave behind for awhile...Dylan, I'm so proud of you!!! Drop by this little spunk's site and see just how cool he is :)

That's all I wanted to update for tonight :) Just had to update with Dylan's good news. We have been having some great weather here in Melbourne...I hope some of you are following the Australian tennis open...I'm gonna be hooked soon. The weekend is nearly here, I can't wait...Karen, Dean, Marcus and I are getting ground passes to the tennis on Sunday..and next Wednesday (Australia Day), Marcus, me and some of our friends will be at the quarter finals...exciting stuff!!!! I hope I get to see Andre Agassi...he's my all time favourite...and of course Roger Federrer. Hehe.

I'll stop here now...please don't forget all the little ones who need your prayers...all links are below! Thanks for stopping by and drop a line if you can :)

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, January 17, 2005

Hello everyone :)

I hope you've all had a wonderful weekend...mine was pretty nice, can't really complain at all. Friday night, I went out with the girls to a nice dinner and a movie... took it easy on Saturday, did some errands and groceries... and on Sunday, Karen, Marcus and I headed down to Sandringham Beach where Dean was competing in a triathlon. It was insane! It started at 8am...and boy was it a freezing cold and windy morning! The waters were extremely choppy! Dean started out with a 750m swim, then a 20km bike ride, and finally a 10km run...it was insane!! The fitness level you need to actually do this.. let's just say I couldn't imagine myself doing any of it! I admire Dean's fitness and stamina :) It took him an hour and twenty minutes to finish it all...not bad!

Today, I'd like to share something extremely special with all of you...as most of you who've followed my journey would know, my cousin Kenneth and his wife Michelle lost their newborn son, Ethan, in May last year...it was an extremely difficult time for the family. Please check out the photo album for a look of precious Angel Ethan and his extremely short time on earth...the first time I saw his picture, I cried. He was such a beautiful baby. Gone way too soon...I know my mum is right beside him in Heaven. Mum, I'm sure you must be thrilled to have your grand-nephew with you...do look after him. We all can't wait to see you and Angel Ethan again :)

God is great. I am so thrilled for Kenneth and Michelle as they are expecting a new addition this coming May. And it will be another boy :) I am so happy for them and the gift God has given them. Please pray for the rest of Michelle's pregnancy to go well and smoothly, and for Baby to arrive safely! Thanks!

Lately, I've been looking back at many memories I've had with mum...I try and go back as far as possible...and I don't know what I'd do without memories. Over the past week or two I've just been consumed with memories of her.. more so than usual, and I'm unsure why... the times when she'd make me laugh...when she'd comfort me...when she'd make me angry...I treasure all those times. I want them all back...I wish so hard that it would all come back and be a reality...but the REALITY now is just completely different. Shockingly different. My mum had so many ways in expressing her unconditional love for me... one, that I specifically remember, so clearly... one afternoon, a month or so before she passed away, we were sitting in the kitchen...Karen, Dean & I had just come home from a visit with an aunty...when I got home after the visit, I was visibly upset...for what reason, my mum did not know... she KNEW something was bothering me and asked me what it was...I told her that Karen had showed my aunty some photos of all of us just before Karen's wedding...my aunty had made a "comment" about my shoulders...something about it being unproportioned to the rest of my body (I had never heard anything like that in my whole life). Me being the 20 year old woman at the time, reasonably confident, suddenly felt so insecure. With that one comment about my "shoulders". As I told mum how upset I was with my aunty for saying such a thing, I started tearing up. And what did my mother say to me? She said.. "You are perfect in every way. You are perfect to me". It made me smile... it made my heart smile. God I miss her so much. I find myself reaching out for her so badly... and sometimes I find her reaching back in so many different and subtle ways. Last week, it was a white butterfly fleeting around me...it didn't leave me for five minutes. I love you, mum.

Before I go, everyone please say some extra prayers for Bailee...she is having a tough time right now and could use with all the prayers. Thanks bunches!!

I hope everyone has a great week...thanks for stopping by so often, and if it's your first time here, welcome and do pop by again! Thank you all for your uplifting messages... don't forget to check out precious baby Ethan in the photo album :) What a lil star shining so brightly from Heaven!

Love & kisses,
Janice

PS: Please don't forget brave little Dylan's plight below- thank you :)

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((((***DYLAN'S PLIGHT***)))

A beautiful little Aussie boy on Caringbridge needs your help. Yes, yours. His name is Dylan and he's five years old. Unfortunately in July of 2004 he was diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma. Sadly, treatment is no longer available for him here in Australia, and his best chance of survival lies in New York, USA. This means that him and his family basically have to pack up their lives and move halfway across the world so that Dylan is able to get the treatment he needs and deserves to grant him another chance in life! And of course this means, money! At the moment, there is a campaign going on to raise money for Dylan...he needs approximately 450,000 Australian Dollars (350,000USD). The campaign is off to a really slow start, so he needs all the help he can get. Time is running out, so if you are able to help and make a donation, however big or small, please send it to the address on Dylan's website or email his mum for further info. If you have any ideas on how we can all raise money for Dylan, please share them! And yes, please go by his site and drop a note if you can too...he is a gorgeous Aussie battler with incredible courage and strength!!! Thank you all!

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Friday, January 14, 2005

Howdy friends :)

THE WEEKEND IS HERE!!! My arms aren't long enough to welcome it as open as I would love to, that's for sure. This week has been a slow and crazy week at work. When it's crazy and full of dramas at work, you need time to go past quickly..but nope, not this week. Am glad for the weekend, though... well, just wanted to come on to wish everyone a superb weekend...shhh, I'm writing this at work...

Take care, be safe, and remember our little ones in your prayers...thanks for stopping by!

Love & Hope,
Janice

PS: Thanks ya'll who've signed my guestbook!!!
PPS: Please don't forget brave little Dylan's plight below- thank you :)

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Hi everyone!

I hope you've all had a good start to the year :) With high hopes and promises. I did receive some good news this last week...I didn't want to say anything too early in fear of jinxing anything, but I supposed it's safe to say now that I will soon be granted my long awaited Australian Permanent Residency!! WOoHooo!! All who can do the happy dance, be sure join in with me :) Karen (who is my sponsor for this application) received a letter from Centrelink requesting for us to lodge a bond...it's normal procedure and is the final stage of the application. We lodged the bond last week and I'm now just waiting for confirmation and the official grant of my PR. I've been waiting over 15 months! It's really such a relief more than anything else... now I can get on with my life and do the things that have been put on hold for so long now... once it comes through officially, I'm gonna have a party to celebrate :) Any excuse for a party!

Other than that, things are pretty much normal around here.. I had a busy weekend with Aunty Janet's 60th celebration. The big dinner on Friday night was really good...there were about 40 people or so at the dinner and everyone had a great time. There was a lot of catching up with Uncle Trevor's side of the family that I had not seen in ages. So many of them remember my mum and it was nice of them to ask after my family and how we've been keeping since. So many of my other aunties (my mum's sisters) from KL flew down to Melbourne from KL to help Aunty Janet celebrate her birthday..it really was special.

On Saturday, our cousin Carolyn (Aunty Janet's daughter) arranged a semi-surprise afternoon tea at her house for Aunty Janet.. many of Aunty Janet's friends were invited (whom did not make it to the dinner) and that was a big surprise for her!

On Sunday, I met up with my aunties, uncle and cousins who were down in Melbourne from KL at Victoria Market where we just walked around and then had lunch at Chinatown. Later on, I went down to the Port Melbourne beach with a couple of girlfriends... all in all, it was a really eventful weekend and the weather was superb :) Today, on the contrary, is a stinking hot 37 degrees outside!!!! Yuck!

Karen & Dean are also doing well...Dean was in a sports competition on Sunday...something like 300m of swimming, miles of bike riding....that sort of thing..and that was only a "small" competition...he's in a bigger one next Sunday, so we're all heading down towards Mordialloc Beach to watch him compete. Should be fun :)

I did have some thoughts of my mother to write, but I think I'll save that for my next journal... for now, I just wanted to introduce everyone who checks in to quite a few new CB friends I've made in the past couple of months... check out their links below (all links have also been added to the table at the bottom of this page).. so do go by and drop each of them a note, and get to know these special people if you can :) Here are my new friends...

Matty-A beautiful boy from the UK fighting AML.
Angel Caitlin- A beautiful little girl who fought Diffused Pontine Glioma for 1 1/2 years, but sadly earned her wings on Feb 8 2004.
Maddison- A gorgeous 4 year old fighting Ewings Sarcoma. Her latest scans have come back CLEAR! Go Maddison!
Donna- A gorgeous young Aussie woman fighting Osteosarcoma. Currently undergoing chemo and needs tons of prayers...
Danielle- A brave woman fighting breast cancer. She has just recently undergone surgery and is recovering well. Go Danielle!
Philip- A young man fighting APL. He is currently undergoing chemo and could also use the prayers...
Rodney- A brave man with multiple health issues such as Congestive Heart Failure, Tachacardia and epilepsy just to name a few...he too could use the prayers!
Joanne- A young woman from Singapore with chronic adhesion colic, fibromyalgia, NMH and a recently diagnosed Inappropriate Sinus Tachacardia.
Annie- A beautiful young woman fighting Lyme disease.
Hailey & Brenna- Gorgeous sisters aged 5 and 3 respectively. Both are fighting Mitochondrial disease and impaired fatty acid oxidation. Both girls need lots of prayers!
Aidan- Gorgeous little Aidan was born a little too soon, and is now fighting for his little life. Please pray for his miracle...
Travis- A nine year old boy with Focal and Segmental Glomerulo-Sclerosis. He is doing great, but could still use the prayers!
Robert- A brave man fighting Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. Also needs tons of prayers!
Noelle- A gorgeous girl fighting ALL and is currently undegoing long-term maintenance.
Beebo- Also known as Jamie, Beebo is four years old and fighting Neuroblastoma.
Nicole- A beautiful girl from the UK fighting Spinal Fibro Sarcoma.
Louie- A gorgeous little boy fighting Medullobastoma.
Matt- A young man fighting cancer. I'm unsure of the type of cancer he has, but nonetheless needs tons of prayers at the moment as he has panreatitus at the moment and is in a great amount of pain.
Lisa R.- A brave woman fighting breast cancer.
Brandon- A little boy fighting Neuroblastoma.
Kurtis- A beautiful Aussie boy also fighting Neuroblastoma.

PHEW! I told you I had a lot of friends :) Hehe. Please take the chance to go by their sites and read their stories, and of course pray for them. Thank you all!!

As for prayer requests...please keep Karin in your prayers as she's just found out that her rhabdo has returned. This is such devastating news after doing so well. Karin is a beautiful and vibrant young woman with so much of her life ahead of her, so PLEASE say some extra prayers for her as she comes to term with all of this. Karin, we love you and are praying for you!!! Continue to keep Benjamin, Heidi, Alexia, Katia, Bailee, Michael and Chase in your prayers (all links are at the bottom of the page) as they continue to fight each day. And of course, the rest of Caringbridge.

Thank you all for stopping by! And I'd like to thank everyone for signing my guestbook...all your lovely messages and kind words help so much in my journey to healing and lifts my spirit in ways you cannot imagine. I love all of you!

Have a superb week!

Love,
Janice

Saturday, January 8, 2005

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((((***DYLAN'S PLIGHT***)))

A beautiful little Aussie boy on Caringbridge needs your help. Yes, yours. His name is Dylan and he's five years old. Unfortunately in July of 2004 he was diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma. Sadly, treatment is no longer available for him here in Australia, and his best chance of survival lies in New York, USA. This means that him and his family basically have to pack up their lives and move halfway across the world so that Dylan is able to get the treatment he needs and deserves to grant him another chance in life! And of course this means, money! At the moment, there is a campaign going on to raise money for Dylan...he needs approximately 450,000 Australian Dollars (350,000USD). The campaign is off to a really slow start, so he needs all the help he can get. Time is running out, so if you are able to help and make a donation, however big or small, please send it to the address on Dylan's website or email his mum for further info. If you have any ideas on how we can all raise money for Dylan, please share them! And yes, please go by his site and drop a note if you can too...he is a gorgeous Aussie battler with incredible courage and strength!!! Thank you all!

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Dearest sweet mother of mine,
Two years and 4 months today...
My heart aches no less...
My tears don't run dry...
I am missing you more than the day you went away..
You are my inspiration in everything that I do..
I hope you know just how much I love you..

Mum, one of your closest sisters Janet celebrated her 60th birthday last night...I know you were watching over her as you have since the day you went to Heaven. For a woman who has been through cancer, fought the beast and survived it, you and I know that's just simply amazing. Continue to watch over her and bless her from above. I couldn't help but think of you last night and all your birthdays you were/are not able to spend with those who love you here on Earth...you are so dearly missed, more than you'll ever know...there are days when I feel you so strongly around me...and it is then that I know that you are still out there guiding me through and that whatever happens in my life, I will be okay. Thank you for shining the light on me from Heaven whenever I feel lost and alone.

Forever in my heart,
Janice

Wednesday, January 5, 2005

Hi everyone!

Okay, before I go on to anything...I just had a little plea to make to everyone who comes by and checks out my mum's site:

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A beautiful little Aussie boy on Caringbridge needs your help. Yes, yours. His name is Dylan and he's five years old. Unfortunately in July of 2004 he was diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma. Sadly, treatment is no longer available for him here in Australia, and his best chance of survival lies in New York, USA. This means that him and his family basically have to pack up their lives and move halfway across the world so that Dylan is able to get the treatment he needs and deserves to grant him another chance in life! And of course this means, money! At the moment, there is a campaign going on to raise money for Dylan...he needs approximately 450,000 Australian Dollars (350,000USD). The campaign is off to a really slow start, so he needs all the help he can get. Time is running out, so if you are able to help and make a donation, however big or small, please send it to the address on Dylan's website or email his mum for further info. If you have any ideas on how we can all raise money for Dylan, please share them! And yes, please go by his site and drop a note if you can too...he is a gorgeous Aussie battler with incredible courage and strength!!! Thank you all!

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Well, work started back officially yesterday. It was strange to see the city all busy again. I think I kinda liked it last week when most were still on vacation :) There's nothing worse than riding on the yucky train after work right in the middle of summer. Hehe. To tell you the truth, I don't think Melbourne is having much of a summer at all...it actually feels like winter right now. It's been raining and cloudy...and it's been like 20 degrees celcius. Don't think there will be many beach days this year :( Oh well!

This Friday is Aunty Janet's 60th birthday so there will be a huge celebration here in Melbourne. There is a big dinner at Han Palace, a chinese restaurant. And we even have some family from KL flying down just for her birthday! How special! I'm sure Aunty Janet is looking forward to that...

Well not much else to report on this side of the world... I really just wanted to come and update on Dylan's plight.

And with that, I leave you this...

~Thoughts for the Year~

The greatest handicap: Fear
The best day: Today
Easiest thing to do: Find a fault
Most useless asset: Pride
The greatest mistake: Giving up
Greatest stumbling block: Egotism
The greatest comfort: Work well done
Most disagreeable person: The complainer
Worst bankruptcy: Loss of enthusiasm
Greatest need: Common sense
Meanest feeling: Regret at another's success
Best gift: Forgiveness
The greatest moment: Death
Greatest knowledge: God
The greatest thing in the world: Love

Source Unknown

Mum, I miss you more with every day that goes by...

Love, Janice

Monday, January 3, 2005 0:07 AM CST

HAPPY NEW YEAR, my lovely friends!

Can you believe 2005 is finally here? Well I say "finally", only because I know it's gonna be a big and exciting year for me. More on that later :) I hope everyone celebrated the new year with a big bang, if not, even watching the countdown on TV would've been good. I had actually planned for an extremely low-key and quiet New Year's Eve 2004, but me being me, I got sucked in to going to a party at The Point in Albert Park. The only reason I said yes was because it's 5 minutes from home, there would be fireworks and well...peer pressure never helps :) I ended up having a fantastic time anyway, so it was all for the better. The Point is actually a nice and fancy restaurant by Albert Park Lake. On New Year's Eve, the entire restaurant was turned into a party venue. The theme was "Boogie Nights", and you know what that means... a 70's dress up party. Funnily enough, I didn't find out about the theme till AFTER I bought the tickets :) Had I known it was a dress up party, a 70's dress up party for that matter, I wouldn't have purchased the ticket :) Well I didn't end up dressing up 70's style, and it turned out only 1/4 of the people did...so that was good. It was a packed party, something like 1300 people...there was cool music, mainly 70's stuff which I love, but they also played current pop music which was good. Too much 70's music can get to your head after awhile :) There was a freeflow of drinks and endless supply of yummy fancy finger food. When it was nearly time for the countdown, we headed downstairs and sat on the waters edge so we could have a great view of the fireworks. Before we knew it, midnight was here and the fireworks started. It was amazing. Probably not as amazing as the ones in the city would've been, but it was still cool and had me mesmerised, as fireworks always do. I thought of the past year and what it meant to me, I thought of my family, my friends...my experiences in the past year, my mistakes, my lessons learnt, I thought of my mother (wow mum, fireworks must've looked awesome from Heaven!), I thought of all the thousands of people affected by the recent Tsunami tragedy and I thought of 2005 and what I hope it would be for me. I must say, the night ended with a bang...probably one of my most eventful New Years Eve. I am thankful to be here to see another New Year. Not everyone is as lucky as I am...

Things have been pretty quiet here in Melbourne...I suspect things will only start to pick up when work starts back officially tomorrow. I also have a lot on my agenda for this new year...in the next few weeks to come, I will have to get started on my resume and sending in job applications for the various graduate positions. Application deadlines are usually in March. And interviews are usually in April...so we'll see how we go. I still have not heard about my Permanent Residency, which I'm hoping to hear about soon, now that the holidays are over. So depending on how things go, I really don't know how the job application situation will pan out, as I need my permanent residency to be able to get a permanent job.

Besides that, I am also seriously considering the opportunity to travel America this coming September. And again, that will depend on whether a decision has been made on my permanent residency here in Australia. And seeing that September is 9 months away, I BETTER HAD heard something about it by then!!! And if my travel plans DO take place in September, there will need to be a lot of planning and organising on my part to be done months in advance...I'm extremely excited to be traveling America.. there are so many places I wanna go to, places I wanna see, things I wanna do...and of course, if I have the chance, my friends from Caringbridge whom I'd love to meet. This is all still pretty much up in the air, but hopefully I can make some definite plans in the next couple of months. It has been a long time dream of mine to travel America, and I am beside myself with excitement thinking of the experience and adventures I will have, and the memories I will make...

Well, looks like it's time to make a start on dinner... but before I go, I want to share with everyone something that I watched on TV last night...it was a documentary on Death in the 21st Century...I actually read of it in the TV guide and had no idea what to expect of it. All I knew was that it sounded a little morbid but I had to watch it anyway, just to see what it was all about...it turned out to be a documentary on death of course, but through the lives of 3 remarkable women fighting cancer. There was a 78 year old fighting advanced Ovarian cancer. A 50ish or 60ish year old also fighting Ovarian cancer but sadly died after a 2 1/2 year battle. And another extremely young woman fighting brain cancer, who eventually passed away at the age of 28. It was sad and heartbreaking as you can only imagine.. but I actually found the website of the 28 year old woman, Louise, who fought brain cancer. Sadly, she passed away on 11th January, 2000. I've just been to her site and read through her journals and her husband's journals...and did not have a dry eye the entire time. Louise and her husband Tim have a book called "Shadow in Tiger Country". Watching her on the documentary, I could tell immediately just what a remarkable individual she was...if you have the time, do take the chance to go by her site and read through her journals. And if you can, pick up hers and Tim's book. You won't regret it.

On an even sadder note, Dee is now a beautiful and free angel strolling the streets of Heaven. She earned her much needed angel wings on New Years Day. Please keep her family in your prayers.

Thank you all for stopping by and for all your messages!! Please continue to keep our little ones in your prayers, and those of the South Asia tragedy too.

Where there's life, there's hope ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

May 2005 be the most beautiful and blessed year you could ever imagined for each and everyone of you...

Love,
Janice

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Good Day, everyone!

How quickly we seem to be wrapping up the year and soon 2005 will be upon our hands :) I don't know if I'm sadder to leave this year behind or more excited to welcome the new year. Probably a little of both! This year has been full of new experiences for me...not necessarily anything big or major, but the little things in life. I've done new things I've never done and never thought I'd do... snowboarding for one, and knitting too. Hehe. I'm pretty thrilled to welcome the new year...and I know the next year and the years to come will pose many challenges upon me career wise. I just hope that I am able to face each challenge as they come the best that I can...I hope that the wisdom that I have so far in life, and the wisdom of others in my life, will help me find a right career direction...and that opportunities I never knew existed will rise. I realise that opportunities don't just come out of nowhere...you have to make things happen. And that's what I hope to do...and hopefully whatever I do, wherever life takes me, it will lead me to where I've always wanted to be.

Well, I started back at work today and boy did it feel weird..I actually layed in bed last night and had a semi-panic attack. Hehe. After 3 weeks being away from work, I suddenly could not remember exactly what it was that I do everyday at work...what am I supposed to do when I sit at the computer? Luckily, when I got into work today, sat at my computer and turned it on...it all came back to me and felt like I never left. It was a strange feeling :) It was great to see everyone back at work...everyone was pretty worried about me, knowing that I gone back to Malaysia for a visit and hearing about the tsunamis and not knowing if me or my family was okay. I was so moved on how worried they were! I really do work with a great bunch of people! It was also nice to come back to a very Christmassy desk! My work friend, Michelle, kindly decorated my desk for me while I was away :) I missed her. I don't know if I've mentioned her in my previous journals, but she only started working with me in August...and we became friends instantly, and it's safe to say that she'll probably stay a friend of mine for a very long time. She's my age and we get along really well and have shared alot in the short time we've known each other. It always feels so good when good friends are made.

My post Christmas days have been great just relaxing, getting ready to get back to work. But admist all that fun and relaxation, my days have been darkened by the knowledge that tens and thousands of people have perished due to the tsunamis in South Asia. I watched the news last night, and they did not feel the need to hold back on any footage at all. It was late at night so there were probably no kids watching, but the footage was just SO, SO incredible sad and mindnumbing. There are stories everywhere of survival, of courage, of heroism...and of course stories of immense loss. The tears I shed and the heaviness in my heart I felt when I saw footage of a mother holding her two dead daughters cannot be anywhere near what she must be feeling. Or the thousands of others affected. The joy I felt hearing of a 3 week old baby found alive on a floating mattress, probably would not compare to the joy its parents must feel...or all other family members who are lucky to find their loved ones, if any, alive. Please keep your prayers with each and everyone of them going through this nightmare...may God's love and guidance surround them.

Before I leave tonight, my prayer requests continues... beautiful Alexia is still hanging in there...she is in great pain and experiencing fevers, and could do with a miracle. Please pray for Lexy. Lance is a beautiful four year old fighting Menkes Syndrome and needs tons of prayers as he's finding trouble breathing. And last but not least, amazing Dee seems to be growing her angel wings. She has hung in there for a long time and her time may be soon. Please pray for her comfort and peace and for her family.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers! And thanks for the messages in the guestbook too :) Keep 'em coming! And a big hello to all my new friends who've recently introduced themselves in the guestbook! I'll put up a list of new friends soon. Thanks for taking the time to stop by...

And if I don't get a chance to update before the New Year, I just want to wish everyone A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! May 2005 bring you all that you wish for and more...celebrate the new year with a bang, family and friends. And don't forget our angels in Heaven...

Love,
Janice

Sunday, December 26, 2004

*~*~UPDATE: 27TH DECEMBER*~*~

I've managed to go round quite a number of guestbooks in the past 24 hours...so I've got a couple of updates and prayer requests to make. So on to business...

So very sadly, we lost a few precious angels so close to Christmas...Baby Hayley earned her wings on 19th December...Sophia earned her angel wings on 23rd December... Sweet Trey earned his wings on 24th December...and Mary, an amazing woman, earned her wings on November 23rd. My heart is so heavy learning of so many passings in recent weeks... please keep their families in your prayers and go by their website if you can.

And for more prayer requests...please keep little Alexia in your prayers as she is facing complications at the moment and could do with some extra prayers. Continue to storm Heaven with prayers for Benjamin Jones' miracle as he has experienced some significant changes in the past couple of weeks...and of course, not forgetting our littlest fighter, Chase still fighting for his life but doing considerably well.

Thank you all so much!

I'm sure most of you would've heard of the horrible tsunamis that hit South Asia hard in the past couple of days. I've been watching the news and it really is so devastating...please say some extra prayers for the people of South Asia as they face this living nightmare. I am so lucky that my family in KL are not affected by it... however, there are coastal parts of Malaysia that have been hit, so please keep all those affected in your prayers.

Thanking you right from my heart...

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Hi guys!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I know it's a day late :) I hope everyone had a joyous, happy, fun and blessed Christmas this year. And to those going through the thougest of times, I hope it was a peaceful Christmas. I've only updated twice while I was in KL due to my practically non-existent internet connection, but I assure you that each of you were in my thoughts and prayers. I had a wonderful and tiring Christmas, but I will explain it all in my next update...

For now, I just want to take the time to go round the guestbooks coz I haven't been able to do so at all while I was in KL :( You have NO IDEA how great it is to be back on a decent running internet connection. I've missed Caringbridge and everyone!!!

Thanks everyone for all your messages in the guestbook.. they were so cool to read. I really appreciate all the Christmas and New Years wishes...I truly wish everyone all the happiness and peace in the world as the holiday season comes to an end and we bring in the new year.

And talking about happiness and joy...I have extremely wonderful news to report from my family...that my cousin and his wife Michelle are expecting their second baby! They unfortunately lost their precious first born, Ethan back in May of this year. It was extremely devastating but nothing brings more joy to our entire family to know that God has granted Kenneth & Michelle another precious gift. I was truly cannot be happier for both of them. Thank you Angel Ethan for your baby brother who we cannot wait to meet in May 2005! Please keep them in your prayers...

Till my next update...

Lots of Christmassy love,
Janice

Thursday, December 16, 2004

HI EVERYONE!

It's been awhile, I know :) Things are great and I really haven't been near the computer at all since a week ago... my internet connection here is SO SLOW...we're still on dial-up and I can hear my computer scream broadband everytime I try and dial-up. Oh well...I have been pretty out of touch with everyone on CB :( I hope to do some catching up soon but I'm also playing "host" to Marcus here in Malaysia so that doesn't allow me much time on the computer! Hehe.

Well, my vacation so far has been awesome...it's nothing different...but I'm just really enjoying catching up with friends and family. Marcus arrived on Monday and we've been on the go since...lots of eating and shopping. Adrian also arrived on Tuesday and he'll be back for summer break and won't head back to Melbourne till February when the new semester starts. The weather here has been hot and humid, as if anything else is expected! Adrian, Marcus & I took a trip to Sunway Lagoon Waterpark today where we tried to cool down :)

I guess that's all for now..before I go, could I please ask for everyone to say a prayer or two for my Aunty Maureen...she was diagnosed with breast cancer over a year ago and is currently undergoing treatment and trying her best to kick cancer in its butt. I saw her a couple of days ago after nearly a year and she's lost a whole lot of weight since...please pray for her own miracle. She's my mum's younger sister and looking at her just reminded me so much of my mother when she was fighting her own battle. So PLEASE keep Aunty Maureen in your prayers. THANK YOU!

Sorry for the updates being so far apart. I hope everyone's having an enjoyable holiday season and making the most and best out of everything and everyone around them... to my CB families, I know I haven't been able to come by and say hello off late, but I'm thinking of all of you!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!!! Keep safe :)

Love, Janice

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

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Dearest mum,
Two years and three months today. Another lifetime to go before we are reunited...you are missed more than EVER! From the deepest corner of my heart, I wish you were here.. to comfort me during my saddest moments, to be here with me during my loneliest days...

I LOVE YOU,
Janice

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Everyone, please continue to keep the little ones in your prayers...all links are below. Even our angels too. I know it will be hard on so many with the holiday season approaching...I'm thinking of all of you! Chin up and keep strong! That's all we can do...

Love, Janice

Sunday, December 5, 2004

Hi guys!

Greetings from sunny, tropical, scorching hot, super humid Kuala Lumpur! I am sweating as I type...not a pretty picture I know! Well as you probably can tell, I've arrived safely...got in last night at about 8pm. It's really different being in this new house but I'm getting used to it. I don't really want to write much tonight, just wanted to let everyone know that I've touched down and am ready to just enjoy my holidays. I caught up with one of my best friends, Sharon, today...and we just spent all day catching up and shopping. It's been really great. I haven't had the chance to catch up with family just yet, but that will be done in the next few days...

Also, my dial-up connection here in KL is just proposterous (spelling??)...it takes me AGES to even load up this Caringbridge site. I'm having real trouble getting around to other sites.. this slow connection really hasn't allowed me to navigate all the CB sites I want to. I haven't read any updates on anyone...so if there is really bad/critical news on any of the CB kids, please do come by and let me know via the guestbook or email. Thanks heaps!!

Well, Marcus arrives in KL in one week :) It'll be his first time here...I can't wait to show him around! Adrian will be back next week too. He's back in Melbourne from Queensland. He had an awesome time with his friends just chilling out and going to the theme parks.

I gotta boot, but I'll update soon! Thank everyone for checking in and for your messages :) Only 20 days left till Christmas!! YEAH! HO! HO! HO! I have to start go start on my Christmas wishlist...hehe.

Take care and have a great week!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Howdy :)

HAPPY DECEMBER FOR TOMORROW, GUYS! The first day of the first month of summer...YEAH! Do the summer dance! Don't worry, if any of you need some warmer weather, just let me know, and I'll be sure to send some your way...

Well not much is happening on this summery side of the world (sorry, I'm not trying to rub it in- hehe) but there are sure a lot of prayer requests to be made, healing to be done, miracles to happen, happiness to spread, and support to give...so I'm here to help do just that!

Benjamin has started a new chemo just recently after learning his cancer has grown and spread...please pray for his miracle, and for him to have only good days.

Little Madelyn is out of ICU- yahoo! She still needs lots of prayers her way though, so keep them coming, they're obviously working!

Jacob M is now Day 14 after BMT and could use with all the prayers and support. He's doing well and hope it stays that way!

Chase is a gorgeous baby born prematurely and is currently fighting for his life...him and his parents need all your prayers! Please go by his site and pray for this tiny lil fella.

Dee continues to hang in there, and seems to be in a great deal of pain. Please pray for her peace and comfort..

Margaret will be heading into surgery again...her spirits have been low, so please go by if you can and leave her a message or two to cheer her up...hang in there, Margaret!

Please continue to pray for all our Caringbridge children, not forgetting our angels in Heaven and their families here with us having to face their first (or yet another) holiday season without their precious ones by their sides. Grieving the death of a loved one is an experience that can never be described entirely unless experienced first hand. It is the saddest, loneliest feeling...and that is only about a hundreth of what it really is...

You are all in my thoughts and prayers...

I have always been a huge lover of quotes...anything inspirational, motivational, witty, silly...any sort of quote that mean something, I just love. It makes me think, it makes me appreciate, it makes me understand.. tonight, I found more to add to my favourites:

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers" - anonymous

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take." - Cardinal Mermillod

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life."
- Abraham Lincoln

I'm leaving for KL in FOUR days.. it's been a whole year since I've been back to visit and I can't wait. It's gonna be different this year as we're now not living in the house we used to. Dad moved to our older house several months ago (the one I used to live in when I was just a toddler)...so it's gonna be different. A totally different suburb. It'll be weird going back to live in the house I used to live in so long ago and don't remember too much about. I wonder if it will trigger memories from so long ago.. I have a lot of photos from that house...mainly when Adrian was only a baby and I was still in kindergarten. Those times seemed so long ago...I remember when I was 12, I never ever imagined myself to "grow older"...I always just imagined myself to be 12 years old forever...that time would stay still, nothing would change, everything would remain the same. I wonder what it would be like if that were true...if time had stood still... my entire family would still be here, my mother would be very well alive and healthy...even working. I would stay in the fantasy world of a child, never needing to worry about making it in the real world, having a decent career, managing finances...I would only worry about homework and whether I'd be invited to the next slumber party.

ANYWAY, going off on a bit of a tangent there :)

If I don't get a chance to update before I leave Melbourne, I hope ya'll have a fantastic week and weekend. I can't wait to be on my 3 week break away from the office, away from deadlines, away from having to wake up early every morning. Hehe. I'll have all the time in the world so I'll definitely be catching up with all my little CB buddies while I'm away, so till next time...I'll catch ya on the flip side!

Lots of love to you, you and you...
Janice

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Hi everyone!!

Another week with no update! What is the matter with me?? Well, I can tell you that I have had practically NO computer access AT ALL this past 2 weeks...Adrian has been sitting for finals and his course requires a lot of computer use so naturally, he has been on this machine 24/7. Ironically though, I just found out last week that I had internet access at work...and I really believe that it has slipped past my company's knowledge as I NEVER used to have internet access and they always used to stress on how only certain authorised people are allowed to have it. I can assure you that I am not one of those "authorised" people. But I'm not complaining. The thing is, I don't even use the internet at work...it's not that I don't want to, but I just get so paranoid that someone will be looking at my screen and seeing Yahoo pop up.

ANYWAYS, HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE!!! I haven't had the chance to go round reading everyone's thanks but I will do that sometime this weekend.

For now, I really just wanted to get on-line and ask for everyone to PLEEEEEEEEEEASE, PLEEEEASE pray for gorgeous Benjamin Jones. As most of you will know, back in May, he did not receive very positive news with his scans... but somehow Benjamin being the trooper that he is managed to have a wonderful summer being his almost normal self. But just recently, his scans haven't been the best of news...in fact, it has been devastating, his tumours have grown and spread, and it is likely that we are losing him.. please, go by his website and let him know you are praying for him... he needs every one of your prayers! He really is a beautiful boy...I am just incredibly saddened by this news. BENJAMIN, WE LOVE YOU!

Well that's all for now...I'll be making my rounds soon. I only have a week of work left before I fly off to KL next Saturday. YEAH!!! We have been having awesome weather here in Melbourne...yesterday was a stinking hot 36 degrees (celcius). If that's not a reason to hit the beach, I don't know what is...pity it was a working day. Today is a stinker of a day too. Only proves that summer is DEFINITELY here :)

HAVE A FAB WEEKEND, EVERYONE!

Thanks for checking in! And remember to pray for Benjamin..

Love, Janice

Saturday, November 20, 2004 5:27 PM CST

Hi everyone!

Sorry for letting a week go by with no update... HAPPY WEEKEND! You have no idea how long I have waited for this weekend...nothing spectacular or special has been planned, but this last week has seemed like it took forever to go past. Work hasn't been all too thrilling recently, so that probably plays a main part to why my days seem longer... well now that I've got that out, let's enjoy the weekend!!

Just wanted to drop a note to let everyone know that all in Melbourne is well. Reasonably well anyway... Karen & Dean have caught the flu bug, but that doesn't keep them away from anything...both sounded pretty bad when I spoke to them on Thursday but still went to work and Dean is even working today- a Saturday! Adrian has been having finals this past week...he seems to be doing okay and feeling okay about it all.

Well, tonight is my work Christmas party...it's a cocktail party and supposed to be a huge event. I'm really looking forward to it...time to do a little schmoozing up to the bosses! Hehe!

In exactly TWO weeks I will be packing my bags and flying off to KL for a 3 week break! I can't wait! It's been a year since I've been back to visit...I really feel like I need this 3 week break...it'll be great to see dad and the rest of my family, and also my very missed friends :(

Before I go today, just a few urgent prayer requests.. it seems that we have lost Baby Noah. I'm unsure of the exact day he earned his angel wings, but do keep his family in your prayers... he had a very short time here with us but clearly it was intended to touch all of us and tons of other people in an amazing way. Rest in peace, sweet Noah. I also met Kaleo a week ago and but unfortunately, he too earned his angel wings soon after...he was a beautiful boy fighting Neuroblastoma. Rest in peace, Kaleo. Please keep his family in your prayers too. And here are some new friends, go by and say howdy to Erin and Madelyn...Madelyn is fighting Neuroblastoma and is need of some serious prayers...she has complications upon her at the moment and the latest is that she may have Fibrosis of the lungs which just by the sound of it, sounds more than serious...

PLEASE PRAY!!! I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart...and seeing that Thanksgiving is coming up again for my American friends! I will be looking forward to going around and reading what everyone is thankful for... and closer to Thanksgiving, I will post my own thanks here :)

Thanks for checking in guys, and do say hello in the guestbook when you get a chance...I would love to hear from all of you who take the chance and time to stop by..

Have a good weekend! I know I will :)

Love, Janice

Friday, November 12, 2004

Hi everyone,

HAPPY FRIDAY! And might I add...TGIF! It has been a long week...just felt like Friday would never come. Wednesday and yesterday were not very good days for me. On Wednesday I felt a sore-throat coming on and by the end of the day, I felt extremely miserable...I got home from work at about 5.30pm, laid on my bed...and I didn't wake up till 7.30am the next morning. My throat hurt so bad all night and I'm sure I ran a fever...I didn't have a thermometer but I felt like I was burning up. By the time morning came, my throat still hurt but the fever was gone...my head still felt heavy, so I called in sick. Thank God I'm feeling okay now. My throat is still a little sore but other than that I'm quite dandy.

On a very sad note, I just wanted to tell you that another one of our Caringbridge stars has become an angel...Baby Zachary earned his angel wings on Tuesday, 9th of November. He was a gorgeous baby who fought with all his might. Please go by his site and keep his family in your prayers. Another little one gone too soon...

Also, I didn't know till a couple of days ago, but we also lost precious Becki on the 26th of October. I was so saddened to learn of her passing as I had no idea she would go this soon...she really did teach me the true meaning of fighting. Becki was a real fighter...please keep her family in your prayers too.

As for prayer requests, can I please ask all of you to keep Dee in your prayers...it seems that her time may be coming soon. Her daughter Jen updates her page and doesn't think her mom will make it through Thanksgiving let along Christmas. They need tons of prayers...pray for Dee's journey to Heaven to be a peaceful and painless one.

Thanks everyone for checking in! I know I should change my Halloween border but I haven't found another one to replace it with just yet... also, I've created a table of Angels at the bottom of this page, so do go by and say hello. They may be in Heaven, but they are never forgotten and their families still need your love and support... THANK YOU!!! Have a great weekend...

Love, Janice

Monday, November 8, 2004 0:24 AM CST

HAPPY 59TH BIRTHDAY, DAD!!! We hope you have/had a great day...you are miles away but never ever leave our thoughts! We love you!

Well, I didn't really have much to update on, except I just wanted to wish dad a great birthday. I've finished Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"...it's one of my favourites now. There were so many quotes in there that I just loved and have added to my favourites quotes I like to live by :) I'll put some up in my future updates...if you get a chance, do read it. I'm now on to a more light-hearted, easy reading book called "The Bergdorf Blondes" by Plum Sykes. I've been on a roll with books! I don't think I've stopped reading since June/July...

Today has been 2 years and 2 months since I've seen my beautiful mum! How I miss her...what would I do (what would all of us do?) without memories and without photos? There have been no tears today...it's a good thing. I suppose, to me, although anniversaries are usually harder, every other day is hard too. I may cry about 100 times harder on a normal non-related cancer/anniversary/birhday day, as opposed to an anniversary day. If that makes sense. I'm trying to be strong... that's what she would've wanted. I still talk to her...sometimes before I go to sleep...sometimes in my heart...sometimes in my mind... sometimes when I feel lost and just completely down... when I pray...all the time. I know if I told "normal" people this, normal meaning people who haven't experienced death of a loved one or anything that either you or me have been through...I know they would think I was crazy. I avoid telling strangers or even friends (who haven't the slightest clue on what it's like to experience cancer or death of a loved one) my story in fear that they might judge me, or might think I'm paranoid and crazy, or they might silently think "get over it". I know if someone said that out loud to me, it would make my blood boil and I would give them a piece of my mind, but then, after that I would walk away and just cry. It's a breath of fresh air and such a relief when I get to talk to someone who's been through the same thing or understands what I'm going through...they have the same look in their eyes as I do...

Now, on to some prayer requests...Mr Goofball aka Kody Bear is now home sweet home and resting his little butt away. Or he's supposed to anyway!! Please continue to keep him in your prayers...he still has a long, long way to go, but we have faith in him!!! And I would like to introduce everyone to a newcome to Caringbridge- Baby Noah. He was born with a heart condition and is a very sick baby. So please go by and welcome them to CB and keep them in your prayers.

Thanks everyone for checking in!!!

Love, Janice

Saturday, November 6, 2004

Hi everyone,

Firstly, HAPPY NOVEMBER! I still cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by... well, this Monday, the 8th of November, will be my dad's birthday. Please do come by and wish him a very happy birthday. He has been an extremely wonderful, giving, generous dad all of my life and my brother's and sister's too. He is always full of advice and throughout our lives, he has sacrificed a lot and worked hard for his children to have the best.

Monday will also be 2 years and 2 months since mum passed away. When I say "2 years and 2 months" out loud, it's weird how the words just roll of my tongue, because it still seems like it was only yesterday. Sometimes it seems surreal that she isn't here any longer, other times it hits us way too hard realising that she really is not coming back. At the moment, I'm reading Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". GREAT BOOK. Go pick it up with you can. It makes you think twice about the after life... now, I am just curious as ever to what lays ahead after death. I guess no one will ever know till their time comes...and the only people who do know are our angels who aren't with us, but they can't tell us what it's like. I know this sounds really odd, but I can't wait to know what the after life is like...please don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm looking forward to dying. It's the opposite actually, I love life and I really want to live my life... I want to do things I've always wanted to do (and there's about a billion of them), I want to experience things... I want to have a family, I want to have a career...I want ALL of it. But at the same time, when it is my time to go, I will be ready, and I will be anxious and curious.. maybe a little sad and scared, but I will be happy to see mum again (and all of my loved ones who have gone before me).

Well, things are pretty normal around here...I have been extremely busy at work. My days fly by about 10 times quicker now because we have so much to do...Adrian's finals are creeping up and he's being studying hard. Karen and Dean have been busy with work and also their backyard. Last weekend, Marcus and I helped them dig up their backyard and re-soil it. They were thinking of getting new lawn and should be all in place now...

The weather has been pretty dismal in Melbourne. I think I spoke too soon about summer being here already :( The past few days, it hasn't stopped raining in Melbourne... it's a good thing though, our farmers need water real bad. I had to speak to a client at work last week and she was one of the victims of drought this past year...she nearly had me in tears. Conversations and encounters like that always make me realise just how lucky I am... my quality of life and standard of living can never and should never be taken for granted. As my mum always used to say to me, "Thank your lucky stars". And I do...

Well, I hope you're all having a great weekend...congrats to everyone who voted Bush, you got what you wished for :) Please continue to remember the kids in your prayers.. and the families of Cheyenne and Connor H. They are so sadly missed. Their families need all the support. Their tears will not stop running for awhile. I will be putting up a whole list of Caringbrige Angels at the bottom of the page sometimes next week...so please stay tuned for it. In the mean time, for some EXCELLENT news, Bailee is now 100 percent donor cells!!!! WOOHOO!! Please go by and congratulate her!

That's all for now, folks...have a good and safe weekend. Stay warm if winter is nearing you :) And if you are heading into summer, I wish you only sunny days! I love how our days are now brighter for longer since we've had daylight savings :) Thanks everyone for your messages in the guestbooks and all your prayers!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

It has been an extremely sad weekend here on Caringbridge... it is with great sorrow that I tell you we have lost two of Caringbridge's brightest stars. Sweet Cheyenne passed away on Saturday, 30th October and Beautiful Connor H grew his wings yesterday, November 1st. They are both now strolling the serene streets of Heaven, free from the monster that riddled their bodies. Free from all pain. Free from all suffering. Please, please go by their sites and say a prayer or two for their families. If you've never followed their journeys (which I'm sure most of you have), go by their sites and see what amazing kids they were and the love and lessons they have left behind to people they have profoundly touched across the world. They fought right to the end and have successfully won their battle. Rest in peace, Cheyenne and Connor...

Please continue your prayers for all the kids and for their earthly healing. Thank you.

Love, Janice

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to update and wish everyone a....

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Man, it's such a bummer that we don't officially celebrate Halloween here in Australia. I think I should do something to change that! Hehe. Anyway I hope all you folks in America (and any other Halloween celebrating country) have a real spooky and ghostly one! I'm loving going round Caringbridge reading what everyone is dressing up as. I was watching Letterman last week and he had kids on his show dressed up in different costumes...my favourite were 'Courtney Love' and 'Donald Trump's hair'. HAHA.

I'm actually feeling much better now. I still have the hayfever but I think the nasal spray is working great (I don't wanna say fantastic in fear of jinxing myself- but's it's really fantastic. Shhh.). I'm sniffing a whole lot less (much to the delight of everyone around me! constant sniffing can be quite annoying to others). And I'm only sneezing in the morning, and that is before I take the spray. So cross all fingers and toes, this will be the solution to my hayfever.

Spring racing (horse races) are currently on in Melbourne. Today was Derby Day and I was actually supposed to go, but decided not to at the last minute. Only because I hadn't planned anything and had no hat or flower to put in my hair. I couldn't possibly turn up with either accessory or I would've stood out like a sore thumb. I love spring racing. It's a real chance to get dressed up, wear a nice hat and drink champagne all day. I've never done it but I know people have a blast every year. So I'm gonna be more organised next year and do it.

Well, please continue to keep Kody Bear in your prayers. He's recovering from surgery at the moment. And do keep those who are unable to celebrate Halloween trick-or-treating in your thoughts too. It sucks to have to stay in when you know everyone is outside having a good time.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Love, Janice

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Good day, everyone :)

Just thought I'd update everyone on how things are going.. or maybe I'm just bored. Hehe. By the way, I managed to go round to quite a few guestbooks last weekend, which was GREAT. Sorry it took so long guys. I know I hardly sign in anymore but I assure each of you (that I have links to) that I visit daily, if not at least every 2-3 days. And of course you all never leave my prayers. It could take some time to go round to guestbooks, but it doesn't take much time at all to say a prayer or two.

Well, yes my hayfever/cold is still bugging me. I have been sneezing non stop and my nose has been on a constant run for 2 1/2 weeks now. It's making me quite miserable and I have a hard time falling asleep at nights. And when I do fall asleep, my sleep is only interrupted by a 'leaking nose' which I then have to blow about a hundred times. And then I have trouble getting back to sleep. Hehe. It's a darn vicious cycle. Honestly, I'm getting sick of it and really try my hardest to not complain. Ever since I watched that documentary on that young girl who died of cancer and all the pain I saw (on TV) that she went through, I know that I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Lately I've also found that the fear I have of becoming critically or terminally ill has emerged on a new level. I am more paranoid about it. I am now even more scared of inheriting this ugly disease that took the lives of my mother and grandparents, and that two of my aunties have/had. Feeling miserable with a yucky cold and a continuous bout of hayfever is really making me feel awful and I'm missing the feeling of just feeling 100 percent well. Lately, I've been so afraid of not being able to feel like that again. And if I ever (touch wood) have cancer, I know that it will be hard to ever feel 100 percent again. I've never been a really unhealthy person. Sure, I could use the extra exercise but so does everyone else (everyone who is not my sister or her husband who are gym junkies!). I don't believe that my lifestyle at the moment will put me at high risk of developing some sort of illness in the future- I don't drink often, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I'm hardly stressed out, I don't binge on junk food. But crap happens, and cancer in my family is a fact that I have to accept and I suppose doing something more to decrease any risk that I have of getting an illness couldn't go wrong. There is a 5km circuit around Albert Park Lake near my place, only about a 5 minute drive or a 10-15 minute walk to it. And the 5km circuit takes about 50 minutes to walk. I've slowly started walking around it and am trying to make a habit of it...either in the mornings before work, or in the evenings after work. And since summer is nearing, the weather is getting warmer and the days are getting darker later, it really makes it more motiviating to go out and walk the lake. I'm really trying! Honestly, all I want is to lead a happy, healthy and fulfilling life, dying when I'm 101 years old, peacefully in my sleep. And that's the truth!

Well, it was raining a storm and blowing a gale here this morning in Melbourne! It didn't stop raining for like 8 hours I think. Adrian is busy preparing himself for finals starting next month. He has planned to go up to the Gold Coast with his friends after finals and will then fly home to KL for the summer. As for me, I am flying home to KL (it's been nearly a whole year since I've been back!) early December. I'm really excited to be visiting home, seeing dad, the rest of my family and friends. It would be great to be able to fly home more than once a year, but once a year is good enough for me :)

I probably should stop this right here. Please continue your prayers for my goofy lil brother on Caringbridge, Kody. But while he's still in hospital, you can read updates on him on his other site. He is doing great and is just the biggest fighter! GO KODY! Also don't forget Connor H and Elijah. I'd also like to introduce you to some new friends... please take the time to visit Dylan who's currently fighting Neuroblastoma and Donna who's currently fighting Osteosarcoma. Both Dylan and Donna are from Melbourne, just like me, so please go by and say hello! They're both brand new to Caringbridge and could use with all the love and support :) THANKS HEAPS!!!

Thanks to all of you who came by on my mum's birthday and left a message. And to everyone who've sent their love and prayers. I'm so grateful! And my family is too. A year and a half on Caringbridge and still everyday, the support of this amazing network amazes me.

Have a great rest of the week, everyone. Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Thursday, October 21, 2004

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

HAPPY 56TH EARTHLY BIRTHDAY, MUM.

We are celebrating for you today...

Love you & Miss you more than you know,
Dad, Karen & Dean, Janice and Adrian.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~**~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*

UPDATE: 22ND OCTOBER

Hi everyone,

I didn't go to work today as I'm not feeling very well. The past 2 weeks I've been one of those unlucky ones struck with hayfever and for some reason mine is REALLY bad this year. I've been taking tablets for it and it worked brilliantly for about a week but then the magic just sort of died down. This "really bad hayfever" has now turned into a flu. So I'm home from work today with a very stuffy nose and a cold headache.

Yesterday was mum's birthday. She would've been 56. I'm sure if she were alive today, she wouldn't have looked a day over 50 at the most. I swear! She always had this thing about her not looking her age. She always looked younger. I worked all day yesterday but after work, Karen & Dean came over for dinner. Adrian & Marcus were here too. We had a GREAT dinner of fish & chips and salad on the side. It was absolutely devine coz we hadn't had it in like months. Hehe. We didn't get a cake unlike last year, but Karen did get some yummy monte carlos from David Jones as dessert. They were the best! We really just hung out as a family. I think mum would've been pleased from Heaven knowing that her family were together on her birthday. After dinner we spent the next couple of hours watching The Amazing Race and The Apprentice on TV. Hehe. We're big reality tv buffs!

On Wednesday night I was watching a documentary on the ABC channel about a young 13 year old girl battling ALL in the Princess Margeret Hospital for Children in Perth. I swear, the show went for an hour and there wasn't a single minute in that hour that my eyes weren't dry. I'm not exaggerating. I cried the entire time and it's probably the only time I've ever cried during an entire show. A lot of my friends think it's just too sad and depressing to watch documentaries like that or even movies. And it's true, but for some reason I still watch them. The fact that I've been involved with Caringbridge for over a year and a half now probably also played a part in why I was so intrigued with this documentary. It was so different watching this child with ALL on tv. It was like I was seeing her in real life and I guess it just hit me hard. The entire show I silently said to myself, "Please don't let her die, Please don't let her die". And what happens? She didn't make it. This beautiful 13 year old who relapsed with ALL didn't make it. She died 14 weeks after BMT. Half an hour after the show ended I was still in tears. I went to my room, remembered what it was like watching my mother die infront of me, thought of this young girl who had so much going for her, thought of all the kids on Caringbridge fighting and of those who haven't made it. And just asked God, "WHY?". I said it out loud, "God, Why did you let Chloe (the girl in the documentary) die? Why did you let my mother die? Why do you let people die from cancer?".

In my next life, I want to be a doctor. I want to be a paediatrician and make life better for thousands of kids. I want to be a paediatrician and be the bearer of good news telling a family and a child that they have no more cancer. As much as I don't want to do it, I would be the bearer of bad news to a family telling them their child has relapsed and there is nothing else medicine can do, and I want to be the one to put an arm around them. No words need to be said. I want to be the doctor that helps find a cure to cancer. ALL types of cancer. I want to be the bearer of the best news to the entire world: We now have a cure to cancer. No one else should die from it.

Please pray for my stinky lil Caringbridge brother Kody as he will be having brain surgery on Monday. This has all come very suddenly, so please lift him and his family up in prayer. Also don't forget, Connor H who is on hospice and is battling the greatest battle of his life.

Thank you all for caring and for praying. Please continue to check in on all the kids I have links to at the bottom of this page. And continue to sign my guestbook!

Lots of love,
Janice

PS: Mum, I'm missing you more than ever.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Hi guys,

Sorry for letting more than a week go by with no update. All is fine here. Before I go on to anything else, I want you to please go by Abbey's website. We very sadly lost her last Thursday. I only just found out of her passing and just cannot believe that she is gone...she had her transplant a few months ago, was doing well but kept getting knocked back with complications. She was a gorgeous little girl. I can't imagine how her parents must be feeling right now... she was their world and now it's all fallen apart. Please go by and send your love. Greg & Brandi, we are all here for you! Sweet Abbey, rest in peace, beautiful girl.

We really haven't had the best of news on Caringbridge. I haven't been signing in the guestbooks lately but I still do make my rounds. I usually have time to have a quick read on journal updates.

Work has been extremely busy for me. We have two new guys working in our team temporarily and they're keeping me busy as I have to train them on certain procedures. It wears me out mentally but I'm liking the challenge. Training someone else only refreshes my knowledge on what I already know and it keeps me alert most of the day.

Last Friday, Marcus and I went to a friend's mum's 50th birthday. We had a really good time. They played a lot of songs from the 60's and 70's...I actually enjoyed most of them and made me realise that I do like music from the older generation. Not just pop music today. I guess because my parents do like to listen to music and I grew up with alot of golden oldies :) Sometimes I think kids my age look at me weirdly whenever my eyes light up and my ears prick up when a golden oldie comes on the radio or at a party. It's like I'm strange for liking older songs. You have to admit some of the best songs have been from my parents' generation (the 40's, 50's and 60's).

On Saturday, Marcus and I attended a friend's wedding. It was a beautiful day and the wedding was even more beautiful. The part that really got me was when the groom teared up and was all choked up when he started saying his vows. Awww. It was just so incredibly sweet. But then again, I'm quite an emotional person. But I really don't think there was a dry eye in that church! The dinner reception was great too and we all danced the night away.

Last Thursday for some reason was quite emotional for me. I don't really know why...it just was. I was lying in bed ready to fall asleep but couldn't...I was feeling pretty down thinking of mum. I decided to work on my "Motherless Workbook", a book that one of the Caringbridge mothers had given to me last year. I don't know if the workbook helps with me dealing with death and grief and everything else that comes with it...it's supposed to anyway. But the workbook certainly does get me thinking. It stirs emotions and thoughts that I never ever thought of or felt. Sometimes they are difficult thoughts and emotions but I guess they are meant to help... after all, they're written my professionals aren't they? I do enjoy the workbook... I don't work on it often but I find that I do use it when I'm struggling. It brings some sort of comfort...

We have been getting superb weather here in Melbourne. We've seen a lot of the sun although it can still be quite chilly sometimes. I'm hoping to go to the horse races this weekend...I've never been to any before so this is my chance to make an appearance! I wouldn't mind getting all dressed up for it either :)

Please continue to keep all the wonderful families on Caringbridge in your prayers...thanks for checking in and for your messages!

Love,
Janice

Saturday, October 9, 2004 3:19 AM CDT

Hi everyone,

I hope you enjoy the Halloween border :) I think if we celebrated Halloween here in Australia, it would probably be one of my favourite events. I was invited to a Halloween party last year but didn't go. I hope I have another one to go to this year coz I feel "ghostly" and want to dress up. Haha.

I've had an extremely busy week at work...it's been pretty hectic and non-stop. Don't know why but I feel like my work load remains under control throughout the day, but when 4pm hits and I have like 1/2 hour or an hour to go, things start to pile up that need to be done and cannot be left for the next day.

Don't really have much to report on my side of the world except that it's gonna be a scorching 32 degrees (Celcius) on Tuesday!! Too bad in the real world we have to go to work. Coz in the not-so-real world I would be the first one at the beach getting a tan :)

Oh yeah, I also forgot to mention one thing in my last journal. Last weekend a really close friend of mine came down to Melbourne from Adelaide for a visit. It was really great to see him as we've always been really close and hung out pretty much 24/7 when we both were at the same university. Anyways, we caught up last weekend and were just walking along a street when he suddenly said, "Hey, I remember one thing about your mum". And I said "What is it?". He said, "I was at your house a couple of years before she died and the Oscars were on. Cameron Diaz came on with really disshelved hair and your mum said- she really needs to have her hair brushed!". Apparently, what my mum said has really stuck in his head. I actually remembered when she said that too. We all cracked up laughing. When my friend told me he remembered that about mum, it felt good. To know that even my friends remember things about my mum...it's a good feeling.

Also, I got an email from mum's best friend last week. It was so great to hear from her. Everytime I see her (when I'm back in KL) or I read an email from her, it just brings tears to my eyes. I don't know why... I guess because her and my mum were like siamese twins. Inseperable. She only lived 2 minutes from our house in KL. They would do everything together. During mum's last months, she visited all the time. She had "normal" conversations with mum...not about cancer or how sick she was. Mum needed some normalcy back in her life. A life which had been drained of all its normalcy. Her best friend gave her that. She filled mum in on the gossip and everything else that meant something to mum before cancer really hit her hard and she couldn't get back up.

This weekend will be a quiet one for me... I spring cleaned today! And also shopped for an outfit for a wedding next weekend :) I'm planning to just kick back and read tonight... something different, since I'm always out on a Saturday night. Also the election is on tonight which should be interesting!

Please keep Dee in your prayers. She is now on hospice. She needs her miracle. She needs her peace. Pray that she finds them.

In the mean time, have a GREAT weekend! Thanks for checking in!

Lots of love,
Janice

PS: Mum, yesterday was 2 years and 1 month since we last saw you. Not a day goes by without a thought of you. You are the greatest woman I know. You are the best mother I know. You are the person I want to be...you are my hero.

Sunday, October 3, 2004

Hi everyone :)

I thought I'd come by and wish everyone a Happy Monday for tomorrow. Another Monday, another week...that's our motto at work. Either that or our motto could also be, It's STILL not Friday???. Hehe.

Well this weekend has been a little sad for me. I said goodbye to my best friend, Edwina, who left for the time of her life traveling America and Europe. She'll be gone 7 weeks and it'll be a LONG 7 weeks without her, I can tell you that! She'll be visiting San Francisco and Cleveland in the States, so I've told her to say "HI" to the USA for me. She knows I've been "dying" to travel the States. At this stage, looks like I could be making my way there this time next year. If all goes well! Fingers crossed!

Tomorrow is Marcus and my 2 year anniversary. We've been seeing each other 2 years now...hard to believe it's been that long. He has been there for me ever since my mum died. He's been a real saviour and great friend. I don't know what I would've done without him. He has been there when I've woken up in the middle of the night crying. He's been there when I've had trouble sleeping, just thinking of mum. He's been there on mother's day when I didn't have a mother to celebrate with. He's been there on her death anniversaries. He's been there on her birthdays. I am truly lucky to have him. So, seeing that it'll be our special day tomorrow, we're going out to a nice dinner at Momo, a really posh middle-eastern restaurant right in the heart of Melbourne city. The food there is just devine. I'm looking forward to it :)

Before I go, please remember Elijah, Jacob, Abbey and Bailee in your prayers. They need all the prayers they can get right now. And wouldn't mind a note or two in their guestbooks to lift their spirits!

Please also keep Adrian in your prayers in the next couple of weeks to come as he has to make a decision in what he wants to major in at university. He is struggling a little in making the decision, not knowing clearly exactly which would lead him to the "right" path. As I've mentioned before in my previous journals, he had decided to change majors earlier this year as the workload was just too demanding. He is now having second thoughts. Speaking from experience, and I know many of you out there would know too, it is hard having to make decisions like this that could affect the rest of your life. You are just cautious with every single thought you have, every single step you make as you want it to be the the "right" step in taking you to your destiny. If that makes sense.

Thanks for always checking in and for all of your messages in my guestbook!! It is such a pleasure to know that so many people continue to share my journey in life and memories of my mother. I sincerely believe that Caringbridge has played a significant part in my journey to healing. Your continous support means more than words can say...

Have a wonderful week!!

Love, Janice

Friday, October 1, 2004

Holy crap, it's October already!

HAPPY OCTOBER, EVERYONE!

I hope everyone has had a great week. My week has been slow but I'm not complaining. Sometimes I just need time to go by a little slower than normal so my head can catch up. I've had a really good week at work actually. Some things cheered me up. One of my team members had left us in July to go on maternity leave. She gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl only a few weeks ago, so she came in for a visit today. No baby was to be seen but she was looking good herself. Also, another guy in my team had some AWESOME news to share. When I started at this company in January, he told me that him and his wife had tried for a baby some months before and in November found out that his wife was actually pregnant. Unfortunately, in December, 3 months into the pregnancy she had a miscarriage. So, anyway, this week he tells me that she's pregnant again! You have no idea the feeling that overcame me. To know how much they wanted this baby and were longing for one, and the scare and devastation they had when she miscarried... I just felt so happy for them when he told me the news. No one else in the team knows the good news yet but they have their first appointment with the doctors next week and just wanna make sure everything's okay with the baby before breaking the news to everyone. I'm just so happy for him. It will be their first baby! So that were a couple of things that cheered me up. I've just found that the happiness I share with people who've gone through hardship are about ten fold now that I've gone through hardship myself. There's just the mutual heartache that you understand.

Well dad is now on a 3 week holiday in New Zealand. Please wish him a safe trip! Tonight, Karen, Dean, Marcus and me will be having dinner at Amigos (mexican!). We haven't seen them in awhile (nearly 2 weeks) so it's about time to catch up! I guess we've all been busy.

Tonight, I have a special prayer request... please say some extra prayers for gorgeous Elijah. He is a beautiful baby fighting mitochondrial disease and is currently struggling and seems like his time with us is short. He needs some serious prayers and his family could use some support too. Please visit!

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Thanks for checking in!

Love,
Janice

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Hi guys,

It is with great sadness that I tell you that we have lost Baby Jordan. His little body was healed early Sunday morning, 26th of September. He is now healthy, beautiful and perfect once again. Please go by his site and offer his parents some love and support. They have been the most devoted parents all of Jordan's little life and are completely devastated and heartbroken. Rest in peace, baby boy.

Well, I think I spoke too soon. Summer has decided to put off its appearance just a little longer. Melbourne hasn't seen anything but clouds and rain and the past couple of days. And guess what's gonna happen tomorrow? Yes, it's gonna rain some more. I don't know what I was thinking this morning, walking out the house without an umbrella. I suppose the tiny ray of sunshine tricked me. Anyone who lives in Melbourne should know better- the weather here can change from being summery to wintery in a matter of minutes. I should've known better.

Things are going okay here. I've just been a little stressed out lately...nothing in particular. Just things that come your way when you're being a twenty-something. I know some of you out there must be going, "that's nothing!". It's not like I have a mortgage to pay off or anything. Everyone has their own stresses. You don't need to be stuck with a mortgage to be stressed. I've also been pulling my hair out about my permanent residency. I still haven't heard any news on it and it's just driving me completely insane. I don't know what's taking them so long in making a decision. Seriously how hard can it be. Do they realise that it's someone's life they're dealing with?? Also, so many of my girlfriends are going overseas. One of my girlfriends has already been overseas for 8 months. My closest girlfriend is leaving for Europe/America in 5 days. She'll be gone for 7 weeks... doesn't seem that long but when she's been your best friend for 8 years, 7 weeks is a hell of a long time. My other closest girlfriend is leaving for Europe in 2 months. She'll be gone for at least 3-4 months. It just seems like everyone is leaving, and I am left behind...
Work is going okay. It's actually been kinda boring and I have to fight to keep myself awake every afternoon.

That's all for tonight, folks. Thanks as always for checking in. Please continue to keep all the adorable kids on Caringbridge in your prayers. Please do go by Jordan's website and see what a beautiful little soul he was. Sometimes you wonder why babies die...why exactly were they put on this Earth for only such a short time? Have a great rest of the week! Till next time..

Love, Janice

Thursday, September 23, 2004

*~*~*UPDATE - 26TH SEPTEMBER*~*~*

Hi everyone, just a short update for tonight...and an important one too.

PLEASE, PLEASE go by Baby Jordan's website now (YES, NOW) and say a prayer or two (or more) for this extremely special baby and his family. His kidneys have shut down, he is sadly growing his angel wings, his parents are treasuring and just soaking in every single moment they have left with him. It is now down to the hours...Jordan has been a battler through and through for a LONG time. He needs prayers for peace and eternal healing...thank you all for praying.

On a lighter note, GO PORT POWER!!!!

Saturday was the football Grand Final between Brisbane & Port Adelaide. What better way to start the most awaited sports event of the year than with a brawl on the footy field seconds before the game is to start. HAHA. Eventually the game started. It was a good one. I think nearly everyone expected the Lions (Brisbane) to win, but Port came right through and showed everyone who the better team really was! GO PORT!!!! I was happy with the win. And I don't even like footy all that much :)

Please check out the links to other kids who are in need of prayers in my past updates (below). Back to work tomorrow, have a GREAT start to the week!

********************************************************************************

*~*~*UPDATE- 24TH SEPTEMBER*~*~*

I have only just learnt that precious Katja earned her angel wings on 18th September. I am in complete shock of her passing. It wasn't long ago that she had relapsed. I never knew she would be gone this soon. Please keep her family in your prayers. Rest in peace, sweet Katja...

A couple of new prayer requests:

Dee a brave lady who is fighting lung cancer needs a miracle. The doctors can no longer do anything for her. She has even discussed with her daughter what she'd like at her funeral. Her daughter Jen updates her webpage and prints out guestbook messages for Dee to read. So please stop by. It's the hardest thing to hear your parents plan their funeral.

Jacob, a gorgeous Aussie battler has just relapsed. Please go by his site and offer some words of encouragement to this gorgeous boy and his very much devastated family.

Thank you!

~Have a wonderful weekend!~

********************************************************************

Hi everyone!

A week and a half without journaling...now that's a new record for me. Sorry! I also haven't had the chance to go round the guestbooks and I'm itching to so I'll try my best.

So what's been happening I hear ya'll shout. To be honest, I don't know where time has gone. Before you know it, another weekend goes by, a new week comes around, and that week goes by...in a flash. I'll start with work...work has been pretty great lately. My work load at the moment isn't too heavy, but that will all change soon when hundreds of statements are due to be mailed out in a week or so. I will be left handling the consequences of approximately 120,000 statements being sent out to members/clients. Also, we have a new girl in our team. And she's 22 and a really great girl. We work directly with each other, so it's really cool that she's my age. We get on really well, and just chat and laugh all day (oh, and in between all that, we try and get some work done!). I suppose with Michelle (the new girl) joining our team, I'm starting to enjoy work even more (not that I already didn't like working there), coz we relate to each other more than we do to the others in our team who are a fair bit older (the rest range from about 30-60 years old). So anyway, that's work. And it doesn't give me much time to do anything else during the week.

A couple of weeks ago, my work also had our trivia night at the Metropolitan Hotel here in Melbourne. It was an awesome night and my team came in 3rd. I was pretty proud of that. We came from being 8th before the "Mad 20" which was the last round, to being 3rd. Not bad I must say... we're a brainy bunch :) We were tested on everything from general knowledge to wacky famous faces to sports to Hollywood. My specialty? Hollywood of course!

Last weekend, we celebrated a friend's Hen's night. Which was probably the best night I've had in ages! We all went out to a cruise on the Yarra River and just had an absolute blast. Seems like I always have to wait for the weekend to have fun :)

Everyone else here is doing well too. Adrian is on spring break at the moment for two weeks. Karen & Dean have been working hard and long hours. Dean's new job consists of longer hours and because they both drive home from the city together after work, Karen works a little longer so the timing all works out. If that makes sense.. anyway they seem to be on 11 hour days at the moment! Poor guys. They are spending this weekend up at the snow (Mount Hotham) so that should be a break away from work for them. Dad is doing well in KL. He will be on a 2 week vacation in New Zealand at the start of next month- golfing and touring. I think he deserves a holiday and I'm glad he's going on one!

The weather here has been excellent and I am happy and extremely excited to report that summer is on it's way!! YEAH!! Thank God! Well, we had some very warm days this week...on Tuesday it even reached 26 degrees (celcius). Now if that's not a sign of summer, I don't know what is! I am itching to hit the beaches. Ahh, summer...you can't ever get enough of it.

Well, I thought I had better revamp this website a little.. changed the border...font colours and so forth... and also please check out the new links I added to the list of Caringbridge kids at the bottom of this page. Go by and say hello if you can! :)

Now, to serious business...prayer requests, miracles in need...Baby Jordan is still hanging in there. He is well and truly fighting for his life. HE NEEDS PRAYERS. If you haven't already done so, please pray for him, please go by his site and offer some support.

Connor H. is now HOME! Go Connor! He still desperately needs his miracle, so you know what to do...YES, PRAY!

Margaret really needs all the emotional support she can get right now. Fighting any life-threatening disease is hard to say the least. If you could leave her a cheery message, she could certainly use it. Her spirit needs lifting! Margaret, I'm here for you if you need me!

My little buddy Benjamin has had SUPERB NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's all a little overwhelming and me not being anything resembling a doctor will not be able to explain it...so go by his site and see what the good news is all about!! He still needs prayers though, so keep 'em coming!!! GO BENJAMIN!!!

Alice is HOME!!!!!!! Need I say more??? Go Alice Go!!

Little Abbey is still stuck in the hospital so please pray she gets to bust outta there soon. She still has a LONG way to go but is taking steps in the right direction... pray for an extra speedy recovery from transplant!

Kody is about to receive news on his very recent MRI so please PRAY and cross ALL fingers and toes for GREAT news. This boy is the biggest goofball around, but he is an even bigger fighter. LOVE YA KODY!

THANK YOU ALL who pray for the kids. THANK YOU ALL who check in on them. I know the kids love it and their family appreciates it. It is in times of trial and extreme difficulty that you remember who was there to lend a shoulder or an ear...to share a heart...open arms to share the love...or a simply hello to show that you care.

Thanks to those who continue to check in on me and leave me messages! And if you know of other kids who need serious prayers, please drop me a line. The more prayers the better, the more support the better.

Love always,
Janice

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Hi everyone :)

Wow, two journals in two days...that is so unlike me. It amazes me how some weeks my life is just so caught up in everything that is going on around me...and some other weeks, my life just seems to be at a stand-still. The past week, has NOT been a stand-still for me at all...I feel like I've been on the go since last weekend. But then again, not feeling the best and all tired out could probably make you feel like you've done a marathon every day of the week.

Last week was fine for me...and when I say "fine", I mean there was minimal tears, maximum flashbacks to last week two year ago and I guess, I managed not to have anything resembling a nervous breakdown, so yeah, it was fine. The week definitely did start out a little shaky for me... I was just anticipating the 8th of September with mixed emotions, I wondered and pondered for a LONG, LONG time over several days how I managed to go by two whole years without seeing my mother and then I wondered and pondered more on how I was going to live the rest of my life without her. Not like this is all new to me...but when anniversaries come around, you just tend to think about things a little bit more, and a little bit more in depth. Well, I do anyway. Sometimes I know I think too much. I once found a book in a bookstore titled "Women who think too much"...I read the first chapter and felt like I was reading a book someone had written about myself. It freaked me out.

Anyway, the night before mum's 2 year anniversary in Heaven, I had a pretty sleepless night...the day before that, I was feeling extremely sick, did not go into work, and basically stayed in bed the whole day. And because I slept all day, I had pretty much a sleepless night which followed a miserable day at work as I still semi-battled whatever was left of the mysterious bug inside of me. That night (before mum's anniversary), I tossed and turned for ages...I seriously could not think of anything else but what happened that exact moment, two years ago. Everything to the detail. Even counting the time difference between Melbourne and KL. I remember, Karen & I were watching a DVD (American Beauty to be exact) in mum & dad's room. After the movie, Karen had gone back to her room to bed. That night I slept in mum & dad's bed, as dad was with mum in our guestroom downstairs. Sometime very early the next morning, we were all called downstairs when mum started having real trouble breathing. And although everything else after that moment seemed to go by in a flash, I still remembered every single thing that happened that day. Even the tiniest, stupidest things. So that's what kept me awake most of the night. And I know I said I wasn't gonna let tears get in the way of mum's anniversary...I guess I sort of kept half of that promise. I did cry. But it was while I was trying to make myself go to sleep but I couldn't stop thinking of what happened and where it's taken my family. I finally fell asleep. And the rest of the actual day of mum's anniversary was kept tear free. I made the most of the day. I went to work, came home to start dinner as we (Karen, Dean, Adrian & Marcus) were all just gonna hang out that night, together as a family. We had a wonderful dinner, just talking and laughing...even talked about mum, and recalled certain memories of her. Then we called dad and talked to him for a bit. He seemed okay...him and some of my mum's sisters and brother had gone to visit mum's grave earlier that day. I'm sure mum would've liked that.

It's so easy to "forget" someone when they've gone... like, I know that my family and I will NEVER EVER in a gazillion years forget mum...but I just wonder how many of the people who used to be around her remember her? Mum had a whole bunch of friends she used to hang out with and do things with...and I just wonder if they still think of her. I know many of them would be enjoying their retirement, going off on holidays, getting ready for grandchildren...and somewhere inside of me, my heart has an incredible ache just knowing that my mother is missing out on all of that, which she once looked forward to so much.

Mum, I know Heaven is a far better place than anywhere imagined. I hope you know how much your family misses you. I hope that everything I do in my life makes you proud.

Again, thanks to everyone who left messages in my guestbook, who prayed for me and my family, who thought of us. THANK YOU :)

Please continue to keep the Caringbridge kids in your prayers...Baby Jordan, Cheyenne, Kaylyn, Connor H, Michael, Heidi, Abbey, Bailee, Margaret...and so many more. Thank you for praying!!

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, September 13, 2004

Hi everyone!

So...this is what a journal looks like! I haven't updated in so long (a week is a long time for me), I started to forget what journaling was like :) Hehe, just joking. I've had a very busy past week and also haven't been feeling the best...I won't go into details as yet, coz I really just logged on to update on a few kids who NEED prayers, and I mean SERIOUS prayers.

First off:

Baby Jordan is literally hanging on to his little life and desperately needs a miracle. He's on the vent and he hasn't been doing good at all, so please pray for him and go by his site when you have the chance...he has surely come a long way if you've followed his journey from the beginning. A terrific baby! Hang in there Jordan!!

Cheyenne has just come out of surgery and also needs lots of prayers...please pray for her strength and also the best news possible from her CT scan. Hope you bust outta that hospital soon, Cheyenne!

Please continue your prayers for Michael as he is still fighting hard with the growth of his brain tumour.

Kaylyn who has also come out of surgery recently after discovering further growth of her brain tumour.

Thank you all for your prayers...don't forget all the other kids and adults going through treatment and also waiting for CT scans.

As for me, I'm doing fine... my mum's 2 year anniversary last week was a "good" day. And I will explain more in my next journal... thank you all for your prayers and messages in the guestbook!! It was extremely comforting to read each of them...they mean so much.

Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, September 7, 2004

Hi guys,

Well, I suppose you could say my "wish" came true... I'll start from the beginning. Seeing that it's winter here right now (nearly the end of it, anyway), heaps of people have been getting sick around me...the dreaded flu, the "bug", the mysterious virus going round...you know how it is. Anyways, last week my girlfriend had the flu and she had it bad...non-stop coughing, running nose, watery eyes, you name it, she had it. She, being the social queen that she is, managed to drag her very sick butt out of bed to have a coffee with me. I looked at her and said, "Aww, wish I was sick too so I didn't have to go to work!". I guess I said it coz I desperately wanted a day off from work, just to do nothing...and what do you know, early yesterday morning, I wake up with not only a monster headache, but a very uncomfortable gurgling stomach. I don't know what it was, if it had been something I ate the day before, but I felt like absolute crap...I actually had to crawl back to bed and later crawl back to the toilet to throw up. I know, doesn't sound pretty, so I'll save the rest. Long story short, I had to call in sick, had my "day off" and slept all day. Moral of the story is...Be careful what you wish for!!! :) I still felt a little woozy this morning but much better than yesterday so I went to work.. besides, I don't think you could keep me from work more than a day or two...I start getting pangs of guilt which does not get along well with my conscience, sadly!

Tomorrow, will be a special day as you all know...and I have decided to go to work as opposed to faking a sickie and having another day off. I'm also determined to not let tears get in the way. I know I'll be fine during the day... it's the nights that get to me. When everyone is asleep, the night is silent and when my thoughts swirl around right in between when I lie in bed to when I actually fall asleep. Nights are always the hardest. Karen, Dean & Marcus will be over for dinner. So we'll all hang out a little bit...dad and Auntie Ellie (in KL) will be visiting mum's grave. Dad also put an anniversary notice in the paper for tomorrow and it reads this:

Memories of you are always cherished and treasured forever in our hearts. Fondly remembered by your loving family.

I know this sounds weird, but sometimes when I'm reading the paper, I read the anniversary notices and obituaries.. I know it sounds totally morbid. But I guess I just read them sometimes to see what they were like when the were once with us. You can always see something about a certain person who's passed away from their anniversary or death notice. What their friends and family say about them. And I always wonder what their story was behind their passing.

So, like I said, I'm determined to make tomorrow a good day... and you know how the saying goes that people appear in your life for a reason...well this is what my mother was to me...

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for
that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they
are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes
they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

My mother was all of the above...

Please keep my family in your prayers tomorrow and the days, weeks, months and years after.

Thank you all so much!!

Love, Janice

Saturday, September 4, 2004

*~*~NEW PHOTOS!*~*~

Hi everyone,

It's fair to say that my journaling hasn't been frequent lately, and I apologise for that! It just seems that some weeks are harder for me to get the chance to be on the computer...and the past week has been one of them! I feel a little out of touched with what's been happening on Caringbridge, although I have received a couple of updates here and there on a few kids. All, with great sadness, don't seem to be doing too well :( I have this afternoon free, so I'm hoping to take the time out to go round the guestbooks...I've been missing doing the rounds :)

Well, first off, today is our cousin Deborah's 20th birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEB!. She came down from Gippsland last night and stayed with us...we managed to give her birthday hugs at midnight :0)Today, all of us (Karen, Dean, Adrian, Uncle Trevor & Aunty Janet, and a couple of Deb's friends) had brunch in Chinatown (yum cha) and ate to our hearts content as always :)

In just four days, it will be 2 years since mum left for Heaven. I look at the date at the top of this journal and just stare blankly at it...has it really been 2 years? The day she died, I couldn't even see 2 days ahead of myself...let alone 2 years. I remember being in the hospital after she died thinking that the 8th of September will now be a day forever in my heart. A day that will never be forgotten, and a day that will never be the same. I couldn't have imagined at that time that I would be here 2 years later and that I would be "okay". I say I'm okay and I believe that I'm okay....but let me tell you, it still hurts like it did 2 years ago. The only difference is that I have slowly accepted that she is no longer in physical presence with us. My world fell apart that day, it honestly felt like a terrible dream. And in the weeks that mum only seemed to go downhill and I knew that the inevitable was to come, no matter how much I knew that it would be her time soon, it still hit me like a ton of bricks (times infinity) when the real thing happened, when she REALLY left us. It's like, you know that it's gonna happen, and you anticipate your feelings and emotions and the events of when it would happen, but it still does not prepare you for when it does hit you finally.

I don't really know how I'm going to take next week... I mean, I'm already feeling it now...I know myself better than anyone, I know my body, my mind, my heart better than anyone and I can already tell that it's not gonna be an easy week. Of course, I can't speak for dad, Karen or Adrian but I expect that it would be the same...we all miss her. We are all changed for having had her and having lost her. I can already feel the rollercoaster of emotions starting inside of me...it's something I'm trying to hold back, but at the same time, trying not to hold back too much. I don't want to be a wreck. Even now, I'm thinking of taking the day off on Wednesday...just to be alone... go for a walk maybe...enjoy the sunshine (if we have it, that is!), enjoy the lake, enjoy nature, treasure memories...instead of facing people (at work), instead of facing the bustle of the city. What should I do? Take the day off and just reflect. Or go to work and keep myself and my mind occupied?

It is the fact that we can't ever tell what the future holds in life that gets to me. In a good way and in a bad way. In a good way because I like surprises, if I knew what was always going to happen, life would be boring. But bad in a bad way because sometimes in the present moment when I'm faced with a crisis or just stuck at the fork of the road, I wish I knew the answer that would lead me to where I would be okay. I suppose if I had to choose whether I could tell what the future holds or not, I wouldn't know until I had a crystal ball right infront of me. Would I look inside it? Or wouldn't I? Maybe if I was put on the spot and just HAD to choose...I wonder which I would choose.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nearly 2 years in Heaven, mum. Heaven is lucky to have you :O)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Please visit my new CB friends and send them lots of prayers and love!

Carter
Dawn
Dinah
Georgia
Haley
Margot
Marisa
Miko
Senituli
Shiri
Tabitha
Zoe

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Hi everyone!

I'm back :) My weekend spent at the snow was just FANTASTIC... I couldn't have asked for better weather. It was just amazing...from the moment we got there it was just blue skies, sunshine and white snow the whole time. I swear, my prayers were answered because I really did not wanna have to put up with bad, foggy weather. We left Melbourne very early Friday morning (5.30am to be exact!) and made it to Mount Hotham just after 10am. We got there a lot sooner than expected... we couldn't check in till about 3pm to we started snowboarding. I love it...I was actually still pretty nervous about doing it again because I wasn't sure if I'd remember how to do it seeing that I had only ever done it once and that was a month or so ago. Turns out, it's like riding a bike, you just don't forget it. So I was able to snowboard reasonably well (for a beginner anyway) and probably improved just a little bit. That only thing that I have major trouble is getting off the chair-lifts!! It is so hard...the entire weekend I wasn't able to master it at all. Whenever the chairlift came to the top of the run, I would stand up from the chair and try and balance myself but I end up just whooshing down the small descent extremely fast and crash in a heap (or into someone, hehe). It's quite embarrassing but I couldn't pick it up...don't know why! It was extremely frustrating. Other than that everything was great! We also hung out with Karen & Dean as they had been there since last Monday skiing for an entire week. On Saturday, I mainly snowboarded with Karen (she skiied) and we only did it for half the day. We were both pretty sore :) I didn't end up snowboarding on Sunday as the weather took a bad turn and it was freezing and just cloudy all day. I ended up just chilling out watching DVDs and reading while waiting for Marcus as he wanted to snowboard. We left the Mt Hotham at around 3pm and got into Melbourne just before 8pm. Not surprisingly, I wasn't in the best of moods coming home because it meant my superb weekend was over and I had to go to work the next day :( Hehe. It felt good to have a nice warm shower in my own bathroom and sleeping in my own bed!

Well, looks like winter could be NEARLY over for us here in the Land Down Under!! Last week was just beautiful with the weather hitting the low 20's (celcius)! I can't wait for summer now...I'm just so ready for the beach. Well, I am, my legs aren't yet. Hehe!

All is well on this side of the world...Adrian has been busy with assignments from uni. Dean has started his new job, yesterday was his first day. And he seems to be enjoying it and definitely thinks it was the right thing to do to move jobs. Better opportunities, more challenges.

I better go start on dinner! But before I do, here are the links to some of my new friends I found on CB (that I promised that links to)...please go by and say hello!

Carter
Dawn
Dinah
Georgia
Haley
Margot
Marisa
Miko
Senituli
Shiri
Tabitha
Zoe

They all have a story to tell, so please go by :) Thank you!

On a VERY sad note...precious Kaylyn has relapsed. She was doing awesome for a long time but has now been given this devastating news that her tumour in her brain is growing yet again. She will be having surgery tomorrow so please storm Heaven with prayers for Kaylyn. Please go by her site and offer some words of love and comfort to her very devastated family. Thank you all who do and for caring..

Till my next journal, have a wonderful week...keep praying.. keep having fun...and keep living.

Lots of love,
Janice

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Hi everyone,

I'm off to the snow for the weekend! I've got the day off work tomorrow, so Marcus & I will leave early (and I mean 5am early!) tomorrow morning heading for Mount Hotham. We'll meet Karen & Dean up there. I'm really excited... hopefully I'll be able to pick up from where I left off with snowboarding...again, praying for no broken bones whatsoever! I'll be happy with just a sore butt and aching mucles :)

Anyway, just wanted to come and say hello to everyone... I'll be away for a few days so I won't be able to check in with all the kids...I hope you'll all update me for when I get back if there are any major news around!

Will write when I get back, have a GREAT weekend! :)

Love, Janice

Monday, August 23, 2004

Hi guys :)

Happy Monday! Hope you've all had a great weekend... mine was pretty good, couldn't really complain! I managed to spend the entire Saturday morning cleaning my apartment and doing the grocery shopping...I will never stop loving the feel of a freshly cleaned apartment. It's like for that one day, I can't have anything out of place. Everything has to be perfect! Don't worry I'm not a neat freak (that's my sister you're talking about!)..I guess I just like a clean apartment. Saturday night, Marcus & I had dinner and watched a DVD...and on Sunday was a friend's kitchen tea. It's sorta like a bridal shower. She's getting married in October so we had a kitchen tea for her. Despite it being SOOO cold (there were so many of us so we had to do it in her backyard), we all had a great time with bride-like games and lots of food and music. It was just us women there, so that was even better! Hehe. No offense, boys! The girl who's getting married, she's only 23 like me and the rest of us but she is so ready to settle down and have babies. It just opened my eyes to how different so many of us are...different priorities, different wants in life...at the present moment anyway. I'm sure all of my girlfriends would like to get married and have kids some day, but most likely not today. Lauren (the bride) has always wanted to be a mother, so I'm just very happy that she's making this next step in her life!

Adrian went down to Phillip Island on Saturday with a bunch of friends. Phillip Island is about a 90 minute drive from Melbourne and it's very famous for it's penguin sighting...so they went down to see the penguins but unfortunately were left disappointed as they had to wait AGES for any penguins to appear and when they finally did, there were only a few of them and very tiny :) I think it's all luck though...you never know when you can get a really good sighting of the penguins. They have their own busy schedule and appearances can be limited! Hehe.

Karen & Dean are now up at Mt Hotham skiing their butts off. They left this morning and will be home next Sunday. Marcus & I will be meeting them up there on Friday. I can't wait! Only 3 days to go! It's a 5 hour drive, so that'll be fun. Oh, and the roads are ridiculously windy going up the mountain so that'll be even more fun. Yuck! I might have to take like a sleeping pill or something so I can sleep through all of it...or I'll get sick.

So, has everyone been watching the Olympics? I've managed to catch a few bits here and there on TV...the time difference makes it so hard. Most of the events that interest me are on at 3 in the morning. The Aussies seem to be doing well though. I was watching the men's basketball game the other night, between The Boomers (Australia) and The Dream Team...I have to say it was quite an exciting game and it got me absolutely hooked!As a lot of you would know I'm not exactly the sorta girl that'll sit infront of a basketball game and watch the entire 90 minutes of it! Of course the Dream Team won! It would've been nice to see the Boomers win though :) Oh well!

I was going to leave ya'll with some new friends I found over Caringbridge in the last couple of weeks, but my windows explorer is playing up and I will probably lose everything if I don't end this now! I'll try and get back on with the links to our new friends.

In the mean time, please keep your prayers coming for all the kids out there and for those who are truly battling their hardest right now... also don't forget out newest angels and their families. Thanks for checking in, guys and thank you for all of your messages!!!

Big kisses,
Janice

Thursday, August 19, 2004

*~*~*~UPDATE- 20TH AUGUST~*~*~*

It is with such a heavy heart tonight that I report gorgeous Katja has relapsed. It is such horrible news...please say some extra prayers for Katja...she's a beautiful little girl, fighting the best she can. KEEP FIGHTING, KATJA!!

Today, Daffodil Day, was really good. I saw people all around the city wearing the Daffodil ribbons and pins.. it was great to see so many around. I looked at each of them and wondered if they had a wonderful story behind them. I'm sure everyone has. After all, the Daffodil is a symbol of hope of someone affected by cancer. I thought of mum so much today...don't know if it was just Daffodil Day... but I did. I was sad and I was happy. Mostly happy.

Thanks for checking in. Keep Katja in your prayers, and the others too.

Have a WONDERFUL weekend!
***************************************************

Hi guys!

I didn't get a chance to journal yesterday, so the first thing I wanna say today is....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KODY!!!

Yesterday was Kody's 9th birthday, so go by and wish him a Happy Birthday! Kody, I hope you had a GREAT birthday, sweetie. Another year of you to celebrate for, and I only hope and pray we have another 100 years of you with us :)

Well I don't really have too much to update on, so I will grace this page with Melbourne's SUPERB weather today! Today must've been one of the best winter days we've had so far (or ever!- not that I remember much of winter in past years!). It was freezing, frosty and foggy this morning, but that all cleared for a beautiful, sunny 16 degree (Celcius) day. The air was crisp, the sun was out and the skies were blue. It didn't even feel like winter and it nearly felt like spring was here!! I'm praying the weather keeps up for when I'm at the snow next weekend...I'm hoping for excellent snowboarding weather! Cross your fingers everyone :)

I was just thinking of this time last year and what I was doing...in a couple of days (August 22), this time last year, I graduated! It's hard to believe that it's been a year since I graduated...it's even harder to believe that I've had nearly a year worth of work experience under my belt. It's not exactly my dream job and what I wanna do for the rest of my life, but the experience has been good and the push out to the real world has been eye opening. When I first starting working last year, I realised how little I knew about the working environment, the professionalism a person needs to have, the meaning of getting up everyday to earn a living...I pretty much had no clue what it would be like, and I won't say that I know everything now because I know I've still got tons to learn, but what I know now is just so much more compared to what I did last year.

This time last year, we also went for the Remembrance Walk around Albert Park Lake (it was held in September)..it turned out to be a great walk and morning. I'm not sure if it's on this year but I hope it is...it would be a good thing to do every year in memory of mum.

It's funny and weird how dates (ie: day, month, year) mean so much to me right now. At work, I deal a lot with a lot of dates...deadlines to meet, when cases are opened, and so on. So I look at a lot of dates everyday. Everytime I look at a certain date, I try and remember of what I was doing or what my life was like during that particular date.. for example, if April, 2001 and comes up, I'll look at it and think of the time I took a holiday with both mum and dad to Tasmania and we just had a ball. It was my last "holiday" with mum, and it was the best...all of us thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. And then, there are dates in the month of September, and I think "that was when mum passed away"....anyway, my point is that...I never used to think much of dates. Before, I always looked at a date and thought nothing of it, but now...everything has a past behind it. And this time, 2 years ago, Karen, Adrian and I had flown back to KL after news that mum was getting progressively worse and there was no turning back. We went home to be with her, and we had 2 weeks of pure quality time with her before she left for Heaven and it will be the 2 weeks of my life that I will NEVER EVER regret. Some people never get to say goodbye, some people never get to see that person for one last time. We had those 2 weeks and I know that if we had not made that decision to go back to KL and see her, and she passed away suddenly, I would not be able to forgive myself.

Well, tomorrow is Daffodil Day!

If you're in Australia, please don't forget to wear a Daffodil ribbon/pin tomorrow and if possible, make a little (or big) donation. As for me, I will be wearing a Daffodil ribbon, using my Daffodil pen, and staring at how cute my Daffodil bear (which Marcus bought for me last year) is!

Thanks for checking in :)

Lots of Daffodil love,
Janice

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Good day, everyone :)

Sorry for not updating earlier! I have been using my time on the computer to check on some of the kids and leave messages here and there...I thought I had better do it while I can. I haven't had the chance to be online much lately. I know I always say this, but I wish I had all the time in the world (like I used to!) to go round the guestbooks...especially now that I've gotten to know SO many more children on Caringbridge. I think when I first found Caringbridge, when I only had a handful of kids that I checked up on, and I had all the time in the world, I used to live on those sites...messages everyday, graphics and everything! Wish I had the time to still do that! I'm trying my hardest though :) It's quite indescribable how attached I am to this network of amazing people and exactly how much it all means to me.

Anyway! I hope you've all had a great weekend. I did. I actually have photos from my birthday dinner last Saturday to put up, but I don't have them with me as yet. I was in such a hurry on Saturday night before leaving for the dinner that I totally forgot my digital camera. Luckily one of my girlfriends had hers on her and she willingly took photos for me and as promised will be sending them to me ASAP. So I'll put them up as soon as I get them. My Mexican dinner was GREAT! There were 8 of us and we just had a great time catching up on all the goss with each other and pigging out on everything Mexican at the same time. I know I said I'd order everything on the menu but of course I didn't...after an entree of Nachos (shared of course!) and a main of the most amazing tacos/burritos... I was totally Mexican'd out! I could barely move. After dinner, with full bellies, we managed to drag ourselves across to the Lotus bar for some cool music and funky drinks. Being the "birthday girl", I supposedly HAD TO HAVE the Flaming Lamborghini (the drink, people! not the car!)...that was exciting :) I think everyone had a good night, so I'm glad.

The only thing that really disapppointed me on Saturday night was because I was in such a rush leaving for the dinner, I did not manage to put on the diamond necklace my mum gave me for my 21st birthday, just before she passed away. I know it sounds stupid and I probably seem like a cry baby, but I don't think anyone really knows how special that necklace is to me. I always wear it on special occasions and I've worn it on every birthday I've had since mum gave it to me, and I also wore it on graduation day last year. It's like wearing it, would mean mum was there to celebrate with me whatever I was celebrating. So last Saturday night, I tried putting it on just before leaving but I had so much trouble getting it on. I couldn't have waited any longer as Marcus & I would've missed the train to the dinner and we couldn't miss that particular train. I'm not too bummed out about it right now, but I was on the night :) I know she was there with me anyway, but it's just what that necklace means to me, that's all..

Well, only less than 2 weeks till I'm up at the snow again! Karen & Dean are leaving for Mount Hotham this Sunday and will be there for a whole week. I'm looking forward to being up there and in the snow again and snowboarding, but still a little nervous!

Before I go tonight, there are a few kids who need your prayers... firstly, we sadly lost Kailie early Sunday morning. I know a lot of you follow her journey. I was only introduced to her recently and there is no doubt that she was the most amazing girl, who so gracefully and beautifully touched hundreds of lives all over the world. Please keep her family in your prayers. Rest in Peace, Kailie...you are free of everything now.

Also, please continue to pray for Baby Jordan... good news is that he's now out of PICU! GO JORDAN! But he still has a lot of issues to deal with and needs A LOT of prayers...this baby has gone through way too much for almost all of his life. Don't forget Connor H as he continues to battle his disease. Connor, being the fighter he always has been, is truly hanging in there and could use with all the extra prayers. Also, Benjamin is doing extremely well despite the circumstances, so continue your prayers for him! They are working!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers! It can be hard to go round the guestbooks, but it's not hard to say a prayers or two for the little ones...like Katia's mum, Tracy said in one of her journals, she prays whenever she can...while driving, while doing the dishes...and I find that I tend to do that too :) I mean, it's not 24 hours a day that my mind is focused on something. I actually do drift off a lot of the time during the day when I'm not focused on something, and when I do drift off, I tend to think of things in my life and of course part of that would be the Caringbridge kids, so I always manage to say a prayer or two for each of them..

And to end this NOVEL (well done, if you're reading the end of this!).. I hope you all have a wonderful week. Continue to keep our Floridian friends in your prayers! Thanks for checking in...

Lots of love,
Janice

Friday, August 13, 2004

***********************
PLEASE say some extra prayers for Baby Jordan...I've just received news that he is now critically ill after doing so great for awhile. PLEASE, PLEASE go by his site and pray for him. He has been a fighter ALL of his young life. Jordan needs his miracle! Thank you for your prayers!
***********************************

Hi everyone,

The weekend is here!! And I am welcoming it with arms WIDE OPEN :) I won't write too much tonight, but just wanted to come by and wish everyone a spectacular weekend! I just got home from a girls night out. We had dinner and watched Connie & Carla. It was quite funny and I loved the songs! I've always been a sucker for musicals/broadway. It's funny how everytime I watch a musical (movie or on stage) I get so inspired to be on broadway. That usually only lasts about a week or so, then I'm back to my normal self :)

Well tomorrow night will be a BIG night for me! I'm celebrating my birthday with a whole bunch of friends (10 of us to be precise) at Fiesta, my favourite Mexican restaurant. It should be good. We're gonna go all out and just order practically everything on the menu. Haha. You just can't hold back when it comes to Mexican. After dinner, we'll go out and celebrate with some drinks. I can't wait! It's always so nice to have a group of friends together, just having fun. It used to be so easy in the past to just round up a whole group of us and hang out. But now, as we get older and have more commitments and people's lives just go in such different directions, it's hard to get everyone together under the same roof at the same time! Birthdays are good excuses to see everyone :)

So, tonight I ask all of you to please say some extra prayers for all our friends in Florida. They are all now under a state of emergency awaiting the expected hurricanes. Please pray for all of their safety! Guys, we're thinking of you!

Thank you all for stopping by and leaving me messages... you how much I LOVE 'em!! Have a wonderful and safe weekend... till next time...

Lots of love,
Janice

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Hi guys!

Okay I'm back and in a better mood with the computer... the lesson to learn when you deal with computers is to ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS save everything you have!!! EVERYTHING. And the scary thing is, I have EVERYTHING that I ever need (mainly internet stuff, bookmarks especially) saved on this computer and if anything ever went wrong, and nothing could be done to retrieve it, I would just die. Especially my Caringbridge bookmarks...I have hundreds of them! Adrian once mentioned something about reformatting the computer which would probably mean losing everything (if I didn't store it anywhere else but the computer) and I just freaked out and told him not to do anything resembling formatting the computer. I still have to save it all on to a disk, CD or whatever it is you need to save it onto these days. Back in my days (HAHA, I sound so old), we only used to save stuff onto floppy disks.. I have no idea how to save stuff on to a CD.

ANYWAYS. I hope you've had a great start to the week so far. Mine has been pretty good, I've been pretty busy with work so that keeps me occupied. In my last journal (before everything shut down and I lost everything), I was describing my birthday activities and so forth. By the way, THANK YOU all who've left me birthday messages and emails!! They were soooooooo great to read! Thanks a bunch, you guys! So on my birthday, I went into work not telling anyone that it was MY day...I don't know, I just didn't wanna make such a big deal out of it. But then, half way through the day someone in my team "remembers" that it's my birthday (must've slipped out somehow!) and so everyone sang happy birthday to me. It was rather embarrasing :) It turned out, they knew it was my birthday but thought that it was on the Friday (and not the Thursday when it actually was) so they had a cake and everything planned for Friday. Oh well, celebration over TWO days! Can't really complain :) So that night, Marcus took me out to the nicest Chinese dinner and a restaurant called Silks. It's one of the best in Melbourne and it was extremely delicious and the service was just superb. I had a great night! On Friday, my team mates at work had the cake ready for me...it was a beautiful chocolate cake. And they sang to me AGAIN. This time I was REAL embarrased. Hehe. Friday night, Marcus & I met up with Karen & Dean (and some of Dean's work friends) for some drinks after work. It was a double celebration actually as it was Dean's last day at his job (he starts a new one in 3 weeks). So after drinks, we then went to have some dinner in Chinatown and I had another birthday cake! It was all Karen's idea. So all in all, I had a really GREAT birthday with excellent company. And I'm still pretty excited as I'm celebrating (yep, my birthday) with my closest bunch of friends this Saturday night and we're doing it Mexican style! It should be cool :)

Enough of my birthday already, I hear you say!

Everyone is doing well here on my side. Dean got the pins in his right arm removed about a week ago, so it's in a smaller cast for now. I think he should be getting it off sometime this week. Him and Karen are just looking forward so much to going up to the snow and skiing. They haven't had the chance to head up to the mountains just yet because of Dean's arm. So, they're really excited about the trip at the end of August...they've even booked to stay up there for a week! Marcus & I will only be staying for the weekend. I'm still a little nervous about it even though I was there a month ago.. I just hope I pick it up even more :) Adrian's semester at university has started off well...he has now changed his course to Computer Science which he says is slightly more manageable. Dad has now moved to our smaller house in KL. The one we used to live in was too big for just one person, so dad made a good decision in moving to the smaller one which would be easier to upkeep. All the moving and packing up stuff has been a real hassle though. And we also need to get tenants for the house that dad's just moved out off, so hopefully there's be people interesting in moving in! Please cross your fingers!

Well, I guess I will leave it for now. Again, THANK YOU all for checking in on my birthday and leaving those messages...it really means a whole lot to me and I think a lot of you would understand and know just how much those messages in the guestbook can brighten up your day or put a smile on your face or just lift your spirit up when you are feeling down. They are all SO appreciated!! Please continue to check in and also pray for the kids!!

Love you all!
Janice

Sunday, August 8, 2004

Okay, it's official. I hate computers. I just lost an entire journal. Everything just shut down on me and I lost it all!! It's so frustrating!

I think I'll just have to leave all my birthday activities to my next journal. Sorry! Being on the computer right this moment is totally frustrating the crap out of me. I have to get off!

Before I do, I just wanted to say that today is 23 months since my mum took her last breath. I can't believe it'll be TWO years next month since she's been gone. I still expect her to walk through the door any day now...I still remember every inch of her face. The touch of her skin. Her scent. Her smile. Her voice. Her laugh. Her glares (when she's upset with me- hehe). I would swim oceans, climb mountains, walk deserts, do the impossible, just to see her again. No words can describe how much I miss her.

Mum, today there will be no sad tears for you...you have always taught me to be a stronger person. And that I will try my hardest to be. It's not easy but I would do anything for you... I know you have your place in Heaven.

~I HAVE A PLACE IN HEAVEN

Please don't sing sad songs for me,
Forget your grief and fears,
For I am in a perfect place,
Away from pain and tears...

I'm far away from hunger,
And hurt and want and pride.
I have a place in Heaven,
With the Master at my side.

My life on earth was very good,
As earthly lives can go,
But Paradise is so much more
Than anyone can know...

My heart is filled with happiness,
And sweet rejoicing, too.
To walk with God is perfect peace,
A joy forever new.

Mum, I treasure memories of you, and cannot wait till we are reunited one fine day. In the mean time, please continue to guide our family from so high above. We have been through some very difficult times and I am certain there will be more times like those in the future. Continue to give us the strength that we need...and while you're in Heaven, please watch over all our dearly loved and missed Caringbridge angels. All gone way before their time, just like you. Hold their hands till they are reunited with their own families. Like you, they are angels never forgotten. Happy 23 months in Heaven, mum. I love you!!!

Love, Janice

Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Hi everyone!

I thought I'd update tonight as I don't think I'd be anywhere near a computer tomorrow (excluding work, but we don't have the internet at work which sucks!).

Well, well, well, guess who's gonna be another year older tomorrow. Actually, I'm kinda glad I'm feeling just a little indifferent towards turning 23. I mean, it's still early, there's still so officially 6 1/2 hours till I turn 23 but so far so good. I still remember how I felt when I turned 19! It was rather depressing for me...can't really pick out why but it just was. Anyways, I'm just glad to be here and glad to be alive so my guess is, for the rest of my life, no matter how old I turn, I know I'm lucky just to have been able to live to see another birthday. That's really all we ask for isn't it!

No big plans this year really...tomorrow night, Marcus and I will go out to dinner. Probably won't have a late one since it's a week night and we've both gotta work the next day. Also, there's a nasty viral bug going around at work and outside of work. My team members have been away sick the past few days...we are dropping like flies!! Hehe. I actually felt a sore throat coming up this morning but I had lots of throat soothers so it feels better now. I'll also be having lunch with Karen and Adrian tomorrow, so that all should be good.

We usually get a cake at work if it's our birthday but I haven't made a big deal and announced it to everyone that I'm turning 23 tomorrow so I'm not sure if there'll be a cake for me. I don't mind though. I'm really not one to bring lots of attention around me :)

Not much else to report on my side :) Just a little anxious and excited on what this new year of my life will bring me. Only good things I hope. I also wanted to thank everyone in advance if you do come by and leave me a birthday message...I probably won't get a chance to update till the weekend or even possibly after the weekend.

I hate to end journals on a sad note, but tonight, I have learnt that we lost our beautiful little Celeste. She passed away in the early hours of yesterday and became the most beautiful celestial star. Please keep her family in your prayers as they face this most difficult time.

Thank you all for checking in and praying for our little battlers and angels.

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, August 2, 2004

*~*~NEW PHOTOS!~*~*

Hi guys,

HAPPY AUGUST!

Only THREE days till I'm 23!!! (Not that I'm counting down or anything!). Everytime someone reminds me that I'll be turning 23 soon, I keep thinking of the Jessica Simpson line where she says "omigod, I'm 23, that's like almost mid-twenties!". Haha. I obviously watch too much TV. Mainly Newlyweds. It's my favourite...even though re-runs are airing at the moment.

Oh yeah, check out the new photos! They were taken last Saturday night when we celebrated Adrian's birthday. On Saturday, we actually started the day by dropping the car at the mechanics. We then went to Aunty Janet's for a visit where she had brunch waiting for us. Coffee, tea and party pies! Later that morning, we went to see our cousin Gerald and his wife Ah Wan's new house on Canterbury Road. It was a very pretty house and much bigger than their old one. And they had the nicest backyard too which opened out to a park. After the visit, Karen, Dean, Adrian, our cousin Deb, and I went out to lunch. And that night, Adrian blew out his candles and we went to a bar in St Kilda to celebrate even more. I had the nicest white wine I've ever had and it seriously had me ready for bed after only TWO glasses! I've never felt so sleepy from alcohol in my entire life! All in all, I think Adrian had a pretty cool birthday... he got some cool presents, and I gave him the DVD box set of Band of Brothers which he's been wanting for ages! I bet his older, annoying, nagging, sister is back in his good books :) For now anyways.

We've had such beautiful weather on the weekend. It was impossible to stay inside. I actually took my car to the carwash yesterday! Marcus and I took a walk around the neighbourhood... just soaking in as much of the sunny weather as we could. And as predictable as always, the week will start out cold, gloomy and rainy. Not fun!

Well, things aren't too hectic at the moment for me, which is good and I like it when it's like this. I guess sometimes it's good for things to go just a little crazy once in awhile...I feel like I need that rush of excitement or anxiety (whichever one I'm lucky to get!) time and again. I still try and make the most of my days and purely enjoy it as if it were my last...I find myself making the most of my weekends now, doing things I love, finding things to do that I've never done before... and I know this year I've tried alot of different things. I have a few things I've made a mental list of to do which I'm working on... one of the main ones is to actually get involved in volunteering at Challenge, a cancer support network based in Melbourne. I'm in the midst of filling out the application, so I'm crossing my fingers that I'll get that all done and it'll go through soon. I would love to help out and be there for the kids.

Now on to the little ones at Caringbridge... thank you all who continue to pray for them and fight with them!

First off tonight, we very sadly lost Lindsay MacIver on July 21...I did not follow her journey for very long, but in the time that I did, she was nothing less a fighter. She was a beautiful young woman who won the greatest battle of her life. And if you go by her site, you will see that she so very clearly touched thousands of people and continue to live on in their memories. Rest in peace, Lindsay.

And some updates on our battlers:

Miss Abbey is home and doing excellent after transplant! However, she does seem to be having an ongoing problem with clots in her urine, so please pray for this problem to clear! She hasn't been experiencing too much pain from it which is great news.

Also if you haven't heard the BIGGEST and LATEST news around here, which cave have you been in?? Little Miss Ladybug Katia is now HOME!!!!! And enjoying every single moment of it!! This is a big thing for the Solomon family as you can imagine, because Katia has been in hospital for nearly a year! A whole year! And now she's home trying to adjust back to normal life. As many of you would know, the Solomon family is amazing, so go by and share their happiness! They are walking on cloud nine!

Bailee is now in New York getting ready for transplant. She is in a totally different hospital in a totally different city, away from everything familiar, so please say some extra prayers for her.

Lakota is also 100 percent donor cells!!! Which is just fabulous news!!!

Michael's mum also updated after a very long time and good news is that Michael's CT scan shows no new growth which is excellent news! He'll be having another set of scans done at the end of the month, so please keep praying!!

Benjamin continues to be the gorgeous little boy he always is! He is still full of energy but has been having some very mild seizures. Please continue to pray for time to be on Benjamin's side.

Please continue to storm Heaven with extra prayers for sweet Connor H as scans have showed that his tumours continue to grow. And with the progression of his disease, other related problems continue to worsen for him. Please pray for Connor's healing. This beautiful boy has been through so much.

Becki has been the biggest fighter and is doing brilliantly considering all that she's been through recently! She still needs all the prayers she can get, but this one is a true fighter. She never ceases to amaze me :)

Also, please continue your prayers for Heidi as she goes through some extremely rough days mentally and physically. She could do with a lot of cheering up and encouragement!

And here are some new friends! Go check out their sites and say hello :)

Maria- A beautiful lady fighting Fanconi Anemia.
Breanna- A 2 year old fighting Krabbes (could use lots of prayers right now!)
Jeffrey N- A 21 year old fighting Stage IV Aveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma.
Mary- A brave lady fighting Metastatic Melanoma to the brain.
JackJack- A gorgeous little Aussie boy fighting X-Linked Myotubular Myopathy which is a rare genetic muscle condition.

I've added all their links to the table below so please do visit! :)

Before I go tonight, I would like to throw 3 LOUD cheers to one of my adopted Caringbridge kids, Cassidy for finishing treatment yesterday!!!

HIP HIP! HOORAY!!!
HIP HIP! HOORAY!!!
HIP HIP! HOORAY!!!

Go Cassidy!!! Go by her site and wish her a HUGE congrats!! She sure has come a long way :)

And tonight, I will leave you with the words to a beautiful song...

~One Sweet Day~

Sorry I never told you,
All I wanted to say.
And now it's too late to hold you,
cause you've flown away, so far away....

Never had I imagined,
Living without your smile,
Feelin, knowin' you hear me,
It keeps me alive, alive...

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven,
like so many friends we've lost along the way..
And I know eventually we'll be together..
One sweet day....

I'll wait patiently to see you in heaven.

Darlin' I never showed you,
Assummed you'd always be there.
And I, I take your prayers for granted,
but I always cared,
And I missed the love we shared.

Although the sun would never shine,
I'll always look to a brighter day.

Yeah and Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep,
you will always listen as I pray...

Sorry I never told you, all I wanted to say.....

Friday, July 30, 2004

Hi everyone,

It is really late here in Melbourne so I'll try my hardest to keep this short and sweet :)

First off...

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY, ADRIAN!!!!!

Well, Adrian has now unofficially entered the world of adulthood (I suppose 21 would be the official age?). He has made it to the big 20, seems like there should be a huge change in behaviour seeing that he is no longer considered a teenager, but boys will be boys :) I have not had the chance to see him all day...I left for work early this morning and he was still in bed. And tonight, he celebrated with some of his closest friends at an Italian restaurant in the city. I saw him just before though and it seems he's had a good day which is the main thing. He also had a birthday lunch with Karen this afternoon.

Tomorrow, we'll be taking the car to the mechanics to get it serviced (about time!!) and then we're (Karen & Dean too) heading off to Aunty Janet's for a visit. Our cousin Deborah is also staying with us this weekend! So it'll be a "big" family gathering tomorrow. After the visit, we'll all go out to lunch and celebrate Adrian's birthday...

I suppose that's all for tonight...I'm completely buggered and am just ready to crawl into bed. Before I go, I just wanted to leave you something that I read on Angel Maddie's website...as most of you would know, we lost Maddie 12 weeks ago and since then her absolutely wonderful mother Julie has been putting up readings that Maddie's close friends had read at her memorial service. The most recent one completely put a smile on my face, a slight tear in my eye and a giant wave of comfort within me... Julie, if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind if I share it with more of our Caringbridge friends...

Based on the book "The Next Place" by Warren Hanson...

"The Next Place I go will be as peaceful and familiar as a sleepy summer Sunday and a sweet, untroubled mind. And yet it won't be anything like any place I've ever been, or seen... or even dreamed of in the place I leave behind. I'll glide beyond the rainbows, I'll drift above the sky, I'll fly into the wonder, without ever wondering why. I will travel empty-handed. There is not a single thing I have collected in my life that I would ever want to bring. EXCEPT... the love of those who loved me, and the warmth of those who cared. The happiness and memories and magic that we shared. Though I will know the joy of solitude, I'll never be alone. I'll be embraced by all the family and friends I've ever known. Although I might not see their faces, all our hearts will beat as one, and the circle of our spirits will shine brighter than the sun. I will cherish all the friendship I was fortunate to find, all the love and all the laughter in the place I left behind. All these good things will go with me. They will make my spirit glow. And the light will shine forever in the next place that I go."

How amazing is that? That passage has brought tremendous comfort to my aching heart...if any of the above is true at all, I know just a tiny piece of my broken heart is healed. It is passages like those, heartfelt stories that I hear, uplifting messages that I read, the tremendous support and encouragement that I receive, the endless prayers said and the knowledge that I will one day be reunited with my mother that makes it just a little easier getting out of bed and on with my life each day... truly and truly.

Thank you for all your wonderful messages left in the guestbook over the last year and a half. Emails I've received. Friendships I've built. You've all helped in some way or another...you've all made a difference and continue to. Not enough thank you's from me will ever be enough to show you all just how much it's meant to me..

From the bottom of my heart, I love you all!!

Love, Janice

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Hi guys!

Not much to update on my side but I wanted to come and say hi. I figured I would use my free time tonight to make as many guestbook rounds as possible. I wish I had all the time in the world!! Right after dinner tonight and a hot shower too, I'll be on my butt writing to the little ones (and some not so little!).

I had a really bizzare but good dream last night. I dreamt of nothing but rainbows. It was weird because there wasn't anyone in my dream...no human beings whatsoever. Just me. I dreamt that everywhere I turned I only saw rainbows. And really good ones too. Clear bright ones. I don't know what it all means but it surely has to be something good! I can't imagine dreaming about rainbows and it'll lead to something bad...I've never dreamt of anything as such before and I have to admit, it was a very feel-good dream!

Something funny happened at work today. I was chatting to a girl I work with and we were talking about household appliances (not usually my everyday topic of conversation!!). Anyways, then I had a thought and I must've been in a very Jessica Simpson kinda mood coz I asked my colleague "does your electricity run on gas?". As soon as I finished saying it I knew it was my very own blonde moment and we both totally burst into hysterical fits of laughter. I couldn't believe I said it. I swear I'm not a ditz and don't say stupid things :) Haha. It was funny though...you gotta have those moments. And then somehow or rather it got to my team leader and before I knew it everyone knew about it and they thought it'd be a great idea to be have a "quote of the day" white board up at our office. I suppose some of us do say some pretty stupid things! Everyone had a good laugh :)

Jen, a very dear Caringbridge friend left a message in the guestbook asking how my cousins Kenneth & Michelle are doing after the loss of their newborn son Ethan. I usually keep in touch with my extended family through either Aunty Janet (who speaks to them quite regularly) or dad. Kenneth & Michelle are trying their hardest to accept what has happened and also just take things and life day by day. That's all they can do. My Uncle Robert (Kenneth's dad) is still very much devastated with the loss of his first grandchild. But really, only time will heal their pain and even so not all of it. Please do continue to keep them in your prayers. I know many of you out there know what it's like to lose a child. Although they are extremely different circumstances, a child is a child. And the loss of them will be a nightmare I can't imagine until I have a child of my own. Thank you to everyone who's kept them in their prayers! And thank you Jen for asking after them :)

I would also like to take this opportunity to request some extra prayers for my granduncle in Malaysia who's fighting prostate cancer. Last weekend dad told me that he's not doing well at all, the cancer has spread to his bones. He lives in a different state to where my aunties and uncles live, so they are all making their way down to see him. Please keep him in your prayers, he was very close to my mum.

TWO more days till Adrian's birthday! We are now celebrating his birthday on Saturday and not Friday as planned. Dean will be having an operation Friday morning to get the wires in his arm taken out (which were put in when he broke his arm really badly over a month ago). So seeing that he'll be under anaesthetic and everything, he'll come out pretty groggy and a little out of it, and wouldn't be in any shape to party!! Please keep him in your prayers too for his operation to go smoothly.

Well I guess that's all for tonight!

If you are in Australia, you will probably know that Friday, the 6th of August is Jeans 4 Genes Day. Now you're probably going, what on earth is that? Well, simply said, all money raised from Jeans 4 Genes Day will go to the work of scientists at The Children's Medical Research Institute here in Australia. These scientists put in all their knowledge, might and effort in their work in trying to prevent genetic diseases in our children and also trying to develop better treatments. So please go by their website and see how you can help! And of course, on Friday 6th of August show you care by wearing your favourite jeans to work, school or wherever you go!

Also, Friday, the 20th of August is Daffodil Day here in Australia! And here is just a brief explanation to what this special day is all about:

Daffodil Day is the largest merchandise based national fundraising event of its kind for cancer research, education and patient support in the Southern Hemisphere.

It is a day to support those touched by cancer and to focus on hope for a cancer-free future.

At the beginning of last century, people with cancer faced almost certain death. Now, thanks to continuing improvement in research and patient care, more than half of them will be successfully treated. This progress is celebrated on Daffodil Day.

Created by the Canadian Cancer Society in the early 1980s, Daffodil Day is now run by cancer charities in seven western countries. The event has given the daffodil international significance as an accepted and positive symbol for the heroic efforts made by cancer patients.

So please go by the site and see how you can help there too. I made my first step today but purchasing a Daffodil pen. It was $4 and worth every cent!

And on Daffodil Day, don't forget to wear your Daffodil ribbon or pin proudly!

Thanks for checking in guys!

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, July 26, 2004

Howdy friends!

I'm here with a PROPER update, fret no more :) Just kidding! How many of you were actually worried! Hehe.

Can I just ask, WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? I just had a look at the date when I sat down and starting typing... can't believe half the year is gone. I remember this time last year like it was yesterday...I had finished my finals (forever! yahoo!) and I was just trying to kick back and relax as much as I could...then I started gathering documents for my Permanent Residency application... and next month it would be a year since I graduated! That is freaky how long ago it was yet it seems like I graduated yesterday... this time 2 years ago, mum was still with us.. Adrian and I were back home in KL for our winter break. We had to fly back to Melbourne in July to start the new semester at university. We also had to say goodbye to mum and I remember being so scared and so sad. Because I think I knew that it very well could've been the last time I saw her. I remember so clearly saying through constant tears, "Mum, I will see you SOON". I couldn't stress it enough to her. I knew she was thinking the same that it could've been the last time she saw us too. And of course "soon" became a reality, we were all back in KL by the end of August saying our goodbyes for the very last time. I had no idea what the 2 weeks ahead would bring for me or my family. It was the hardest 2 weeks of my life.

It is so hard to move on and be strong. I know that when you lose someone, a lot of people tend to say "stay strong, you have to move on, keep positive". And I know I say it a lot too, to many families here on Caringbridge. And I know that it is so much easier said than done. I guess I say it for what it means and also for the fact that we have to keep trying to be strong and positive. And I suppose "trying" would be the key word here...because it doesn't matter too much if we're not as strong as we should be or we're not being as positive as we should be, as long as we try. I know that a lot of the time I find it virtually impossible to be strong and keep my mind positive...it's hard. But I also have this other voice in my head saying "you can do it, just keep trying". At the end of the day, I tend to feel just a little bit better and I find that I am able to lift myself out of the deep sadness that is I can so easily bring upon myself.

Anyway, I hope that all made sense! It's hard to channel my thoughts in a straight line and make it all make sense at this time of the night, when I'm trying to keep my eyes open! I guess I'm just trying to get it all out before I go to bed so I don't lay there thinking and before I know it I've only had 3 hours of sleep :)

I hope everyone had a great weekend... last week went by in a flash and the weekend as always was half as long as it should've been! On Tuesday night, Adrian arrived back in Melbourne safely so I went to pick him up from the airport. You would be proud to know that I have been able to go to and from the airport without getting lost, taking the wrong turn offs and what have you. YAY! Adrian has decided to change his course at university from software engineering to computer science. He was finding his engineering course which he had been doing for a year and a half a little too demanding and decided that it wasn't the course for him, so he's changed to a slightly more relaxed version of what he'd been doing. He started back at uni today and can't really tell if he's made the right decision just yet, but I'm sure he has. I think that if you're not happy with something and have decided to do something about it and get yourself out of it, that's already a right decision and more than you can hope for. So we'll see what this coming semester brings for him! Please keep him in you prayers. I mean, your days at university has to be the right mix of study and fun! What's the point of slogging off for years and not enjoy it? You'll only come out of it thinking you missed the best years of your life! That's my theory anyway :)

The weekend was quite enjoyable for me despite torrential downpour and extremely miserable weather. Friday night, Marcus & I had a very nice dinner at a very swanky Chinese restaurant called Mings at the Crown Casino. On Saturday, I sat in my apartment watching the rain fall on to my balcony while wishing it was summer. That night, Marcus & I went out with some friends for dinner and drinks and then....BOWLING! Don't ask me how I've gone from never bowling ever in my life to sucking at it to suddenly loving it! My scores are always nothing to talk about, but I still love the game and the fun that comes out of it. Sunday, we had lunch at Karen & Dean's, and of course that always includes several attempts at playstation with the boys.

Well! Adrian will be turning the big 20 this Friday, 30th of July. We're not sure what we're gonna do just yet but we might all go out to dinner and celebrate. And as for me, I am turning...shhhh....23 next Thursday, 5th of August. I really don't wanna celebrate big but my friends insist that I do SOMETHING. So I'm thinking of maybe celebrating Mexican style with dinner at my favourite Mexican restaurant, Fiesta. Don't know if you've noticed but I've just gone a little mexican crazy lately. It's my new favourite food. I'll be sure to have lots of photos taken on Adrian's and my birthdays...I know this website is due for new photos!! So I'll get my lazy butt working on some new ones just for you guys :)

My warm bed is calling out to me...I hope everyone has a GREAT start to the week. Please continue to keep our Caringbridge battlers in your prayers...also, please send some extra love to Heidi who is currently very ill and on top of that suffering depression. And also Margaret who is battling Ovarian Cancer. Don't forget Bailee, Lakota, Katia, Abbey, Benjamin, Connor H, Becki, Sara Lee, Michael and all the others below on my table of links. Go check 'em out! You'll be glad you did :)

Thanks everyone for stopping by!

Much love always,
Janice

Friday, July 23, 2004 1:37 AM CDT

Hi everyone,

Just here to wish everyone a great weekend!

I'll try and update tomorrow :)

Lots of love to each of you!

Janice

Monday, July 19, 2004

Hi everyone,

It is with great sadness that I tell you we lost Steve yesterday evening. He was an amazingly brave man who hung in there as long as he could for his family...please say some extra prayers for his more than devoting wife Renate and their children Will & Claire. Go by his site and see just what a wonderful man he was to many. Rest in Peace, Steve...always a champ in my eyes.

Also, don't forget Heaven's other brand new angel, Michaela.

Both gone too soon! It really sucks...

Well, I hope everyone had a good weekend despite Caringbridge bearing some sad news over the weekend... Mine was quite enjoyable and it went by WAY too quick!!! I also managed to catch Fahrenheit 9/11 which I thought was excellent...very one-sided but hey, Michael Moore is great at bringing out the worst of someone...or is it just the truth? Who knows? Excellent grounds for debate here, but we won't go there :)

Saturday night, we had dinner at Karen's & Dean's... Karen cooked a very delicious roast beef! I, of course supplied dessert...which was ice cream. You can't beat ice cream for dessert. We ended up playing a few rounds of cards and then watched the World Poker Tour on TV! I am officially addicted to poker. No, I don't have a gambling problem :) It is extremely interesting to watch it on TV and Dean, Marcus & I were totally hooked...Karen, not as impressed, went to bed. Haha. Being a professional gambler could be a career opportunity to consider! Haha. Just kidding. It would be nice though, if you think about it.

To say that this would be our coldest winter in years would be an understatement...this past weekend has been FREEZING! It was about -10 degrees celcius up at the mountains with a -20 windchill!!!! And it even snowed up at Goulbourn which hasn't seen snow in 5 years!! I know this all probably doesn't sound anywhere as cold as what you guys have to put up with in North America, but it's a big deal with us!! Hehe.

Work has started to pick up just a teeny bit which I'm slightly grateful for...only means I won't be too bored. There's also been quite a bit of politics going on in the office which to me means flashing red lights with the words "STAY OUT OF IT" written in bold with exclamation marks. We won't go there. I'm just trying to motivate myself and convince myself to stick to it until my PR application comes through...

Adrian is now flying back to Melbourne tomorrow instead of Saturday. He has a few things to sort out with his university so he's decided to fly back earlier to do just that...

Anyways, gotta go make a start on dinner...I hope everyone has a great start to the week. Before I forget, please say some extra prayers for Margaret who is battling Ovarian Cancer. She's just received some bad news and is clearly devastated although Margaret being the strong person that she is, is taking it all in her stride. Please go by her site and say hello, offer some words of encouragement, anything that will cheer up. Battling Ovarian Cancer at any age is a tough thing, let alone at 22.

Thanks to everyone who continues to check in!!! And thanks especially for your prayers...they are always appreciated.

If you have the time, please send some warm vibes my way.. but not TOO warm as so to melt the snow coz I'm going snowboarding again in ONE month!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Janice

PS: 11 DAYS till Adrian's birthday! 17 DAYS till my birthday!!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

*UPDATE~ July 16th*

It is past midnight, I have just gotten home from a VERY long day... and I have come home to a quiet, empty, dark apartment with the news that we have lost our precious Michaela. Look up into the skies tonight and you will see Michaela's shooting star...a pretty little angel fleeting among the clouds... starting her brand new life she so desperately deserved. She was a fighter to the end, and she will be just that to many, many people she touched during her journey. Rest in peace, sweet Michaela.

And still on a sad note...we are losing Steve but Steve being the champ that he is, is hanging in there as long as he can. Go by his site and read his brother in law's journal.. it had me in tears. It reminded me too much of the pain my family went through during my mum's journey, especially her last couple of weeks. The hardest thing in the world? Fighting a terminal illness. The next hardest thing? Watching your loved one fight a terminal illness and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. No matter how much you pray, how much medicine you give the, how much pain killers you give them, how much you close your eyes and wish the cancer to go away, all it does is just stares back at you a million times harder. All we can do, all we ask for is that our loved one is set free...free of pain and suffering with dignity and grace still intact.

My heart is extremely heavy tonight. Please pray for the Michaela's family and for Steve and his family too. Sometimes there are just no words, but "hello" is enough to let them know you care.

Thank you to everyone who has shown such love and support to Caringbridge families in such difficult times.

And with that, I leave you all tonight with a request for a special prayer for all our angels in Heaven and their families & friends here with us.

Forever in our memories.
Forever in our hearts.

Love, Janice

***************************************************************

Hi guys,

Yesterday was Angel Taylor Johnson's 1st year anniversary in Heaven. She was the sweetest little girl, and I still remember the day when I got the news that she passed away. Very devastating as I held such a special place for her in my heart. A year later, her family is still hurting more than ever before. However, Taylor being Miss Busy Bee, she sent family a new baby brother, Logan! The Johnson family now have a new baby boy, so please go by and wish them CONGRATS! It brings up a whole lot of mixed emotions for them, as you can imagine...but there is no better miracle than the miracle of new life. WELCOME, LOGAN!!!

Also, sadly, Michaela's time here with us seems to be extremely limited. She is slowly slipping away from us, so PLEASE say all the prayers you can for this beautiful girl. She needs her perfect miracle. And if that is not to be, pray for her comfort...she deserves so much peace in her young life. She has fought bravely for so long and continues to do so in true Michaela style! We love you Michaela!!!

Steve also isn't doing very well and his pain increases daily. He has been admitted to a hospice program where they can better control his pain. Please pray for Steve and his beautiful family...

And while I'm at prayer requests, don't forget the rest of the kids needing your daily and nightly prayers. Abbey, Katia, Lakota, Benjamin, Connor H, Katja, Heidi, Trey, Marshall, Sara Lee, Michael, Becki, Bailee and even those who are doing well. All of them need your prayers! And they wouldn't mind hearing from you too :)

On to my journal for today...

Good news is that my sores have gradually disappeared and my body is feeling quite fine now! My inner thighs still ache just a teeny bit when I stretch but I can live with that and don't expect it to last much longer.

Work has been extremely slow this past week. To be quite honest, I've been pretty bored. Sometimes it gets to the point where it just hurts to sit infront of the computer coz I just stare at it with nothing to do... but I know this will pass as there's a familiar pattern to be observed where I work... just as things calm down, sometimes to a total halt, very soon after we will be snowed under by tons of work. So I'm just waiting for that to happen. September will be our busy period so if I'm still there, I'm sure I'll be sorry I whinged when things were quiet at work :)

Karen & Dean are doing just fine. Things seem to have slowed down for them work wise too. Karen was extremely busy with work last month, working overtime nearly everyday and working with her private clients on the weekends. I forgot to mention that she designed the Prime Minister's Olympic Dinner invitations!! (She's a graphic designer by the way). The big dinner was actually held a couple of weeks ago, hosted by our Prime Minister and Karen was given the honour to design the invitations! They looked fabulous! Sometimes it just doesn't hit me how talented she is when it comes to the creative side of her brain.

I know this is gonna sound weird and morbid, but lately I've been thinking a lot about death. Don't mean to scare anyone, but they have been thoughts of death in general, not thoughts of wanting to die. Just had to get that straight! A guy at work lost both his grandmothers a couple of weeks ago. And they both passed away 3 days apart. I guess that was really what got me thinking about death...just silly aspects of it like why is death part of the human cycle and so on. Sometimes I think too much but I can't help it. You know when you watch movies and when someone is dying, they show the "bright light" at the end of a dark tunnel or something like that...so I've been wondering what do they REALLY see in their last moments on Earth? I've also been thinking alot of the after life. Is there REALLY one? I've always believed there's an after life...but once in awhile I come across people who believe that when you die, you die. There's NOTHING after that. So it all gets me thinking. I wonder what my mother saw when she took her last breath...I wonder what her after life is like. Because I've been the biggest believer in life after death...in the past couple of days, I've really made myself more aware that on top of the many things that I fear, I am now certain that I am not afraid of death itself. I'm not afraid of dying. To know that dying means reuniting with mum and living eternally, it slowly drowns out the fear of death that has somehow or rather always been a fear of mine (or anyone really). To know that she will be there in that "bright light" at the end of the darkest tunnel brings me enough comfort to walk through death's door.

I hope everyone has a great rest of the week. I am enjoying the second season of Australian Idol right now.. and the lack of reality tv on Australian tv at the moment is totally bumming me out! Hehe. Please keep the kids I mentioned above in your prayers, and some extra ones for the ones slipping away, growing their angel wings... it is difficult time for their families right now and it is only the start to a very difficult journey to come...

Thank you for checking in and all of your messages!

Hugs & kisses,
Janice

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Hi everyone!

I haven't updated in a few days and I'm sure ya'll know where I've been!! THE SNOW! Well, I can safely report that I have no substantial injuries, no broken bones and so forth! WOOHOO! That was my a major goal for me! However, I do have this...a very sore butt, 2 HUGE bruises on my right knee, aching calves, thighs and arms...it is quite amazing to realise that it is possible for me to ache this much. It doesn't hurt, just ACHES. Don't know if you can tell the difference...but there is one.

Anyway, the snow trip was awesome!! We left Melbourne early yesterday morning at 4.30am...yes, you read right, 4 in the morning. Probably the earliest I've ever woken up on a Saturday morning ever. Had a quick breakfast and off we went...took us about 2 1/2 hours to get to Mansfield (a town before we hit Mount Buller). At Mansfield, we had to hire snow chains for the car just incase it goes icy on the way up. And we also got our lift tickets and probably the worst tasting hot chocolate I've ever had. After about 40 minutes at Mansfield, we left for the mountain and it took us another 45 minutes to get to the top...THANK GOD the roads weren't too windy for me. Don't know about you guys, but windy roads aren't my thing! I have to concentrate so much so I don't get myself sick. Either that or make myself fall asleep but I didn't do that. So we go to the top, parked the car, changed into our snow gear and took the bus shuttle up to the very top where all the ski runs and chairlifts are. Marcus' dad and I had to hire snowboards and boots...so we did that while Marcus and his friend went off to snowboard right away as they had their own snowboards and boots.

While at Mansfield, the sun was out and the skies were blue and we really convinced that we were gonna have perfect snowboarding weather up at Mount Buller. When really, it was extremely frosty, foggy and icy! We could not see 10 meteres in front of us which made it hard. My lift ticket included a 2 hour lesson which I hated so much. As soon as I got onto the snow, Marcus' dad and I went to a lesson...our instructor was an Austrian dude called Bernie, which I'm SURE is a fake name as I can't imagine any Austrian's calling their kid Bernie. I had a really crappy time during the lesson...the instructor gave some really good tips and techniques but everything was going too fast for my liking and I was completely exhausted after 1/2 hour seeing that I had not done anything like it before. After about an hour on the lesson (with another hour to go), I gave up and was ready to go home. I was extremely frustrated and swore I would never go snowboarding again. Luckily Marcus came to the rescue, convinced me not to give up and I got some personal lessons from him which was way better. Marcus taught me for about 1 1/2 hours and I swear I did about 10 times better than I did at the lesson. Throughout the day the weather pretty much got progressively worse...the heavy fog never cleared and it was getting icier on the mountain and extremely windy. I actually got knocked over a few times by the wind.

We ended up leaving the mountain at around 5pm...I was SO ready to go home!! Needless to say, I fell over about a thousand times, hence the sore butt! But besides the frustration of picking up snowboarding, I really had an awesome time...the few times that I was able to balance myself properly and slowly snowbard down the beginners run without falling over felt really good and gave me a huge rush. I was ready to go home but also not ready to give it up yet. We have a whole weekend trip planned in late August to Mount Hotham!!

As you can imagine, I woke up extremely sore today... it hurts to sit down and stand up. My calves feel like I have been walking in nothing but stilettos all week and my thighs are killing me!! I never knew I was pyschically able to ache this much! Haha. I suppose it was all very worth it though, I had a great time and I just love the snow!!!

It's back to work tomorrow and I wonder how my body will go through the entire day of work! I can't wait to share my first experience with my colleagues though.. everyone is just gonna have a good laugh :)

Today was a beautiful day in Melbourne. The sun was out and I could not help but be outdoors despite my entire body aching. It is just something about sunny winter days that I love and feel the urge to go out there and soak in the sun even when I've got nothing to do outdoors. You just have to make the most of these good days (weather wise).

I am too tired to make dinner tonight so I'm resorting to coffee and toast (sounds like breakfast!). I also have a ton of laundry to do. Oh before I forget, I don't have any photos of the snow trip to put up just yet...I took a disposable camera and will have to get the film processed. I refused to take my digital camera as I didn't want it getting lost or broken. So maybe in a week or so I'll have some photos to put up!

I hope everyone had a great weekend.. I sure did! I just can't wait till the day I can snowboard down an entire run without falling over. It's all practice. And like I said in my last journal, I'm determined to learn this sport. It's never as easy as it looks! And I know that for myself now.

I hope everyone has a great new week!

Thanks for always checking in, and if it's your first time, welcome and do come back!!

Love, Janice

PS: 8th July was 22 months since my mother was called home to Heaven...there are no words to describe how much I miss her. I still think of her every single day and I still have days and nights when the tears don't stop falling.. it's the hardest thing not having her here.

Wednesday, July 7, 2004

Hi everyone!

It has been an extremely COLD week in Melbourne!!! I still have not found the perfect winter coat yet, not that I have been looking around frantically, but I guess I'll KNOW it when I see it. If I don't purchase one before the end of this month, I'm not looking anymore coz I know when I do get one, it'll be time for spring :)

So despite the cold, I have been managing to drag myself out of bed to work every morning...we haven't been too busy lately which is good. I am just going through a "bored" phase with work right now...I wish immigration would get back to me about my Permanent Residency (PR)soon. I've been waiting 8 months!! So if you all could please cross every finger and toe you have for me and also throw in a few extra prayers, hopefully I would hear from them soon with good news that I've finally got my Australian PR. I have nightmares that they will for some reason or another reject my application and I SO don't want that to happen! Once I get my PR, I will be able to look for a permanent job. And I know that the right job for me is out there somewhere...I'm just getting a little anxious knowing that there are other opportunities out there for me!! Sometimes I have it in my head that people in Heaven can tell the future...I don't know, maybe they can, maybe they can't. Who knows. So sometimes I think my mum would be able to tell me what happens to me in 20 years. I find myself lying in bed thinking...and I'm sure I think out so loud that she is able to hear me from Heaven. And I think of stuff like "mum, I wonder if you know if I'll ever get the job that I love" etc. Weird, I know...but I have a wild imagination!!

Anyways, I just watched the weather on the news...it's gonna be raining, raining and guess what, raining the next few days in Melbourne! Although, it looks like it will be good snowboarding weather on Saturday!!! THREE days till I see snow!!!! Okay I'm not as excited as I seem. I'm just a little nervous since it's my first time snowboarding and everything...I think if I just get through that first day, I'll be fine...at least I'll know if I love it or hate it :) But I'm determined to learn and at least try my hardest at it... I had a friend from high school who was so good at gymnastics...after we finished high school, she took up skiing for the first time and within 2 years she became one of the world's top aerial skiiers and she was in the winter olympics and everything! Okay, I know I'm never gonna be an Olympian, but hey...it inspires me!!

Well gotta go and figure out what to have for dinner.. please continue to keep the little ones in your prayers. I hope you're all enjoying your summer and treasuring those summer days! Thanks for all your prayers and for checking in :)

Lots of love,
Janice

Saturday, July 3, 2004

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*~UPDATE- 5TH JULY~*

HAPPY 32ND BIRTHDAY, DEAN!!!

Hi everyone!

I hope you've all had a great, big 4th of July celebration and had a wonderful time!

Well, I just wanted to update tonight on a some kids...

A gorgeous little girl, Michaela, needs ALL of your prayers right now...she is currently on hospice, fighting as hard as she can. She is really hanging in there and being a true champion, but she very desperately needs her own miracle...please go by her site and see for yourself how gracefully she fights.

Abbey who is now 30 days post transplant is now HOME!! This little one is so lucky to be home so pray all continues to go well for her journey to a cancer-free life.

And, I'm not sure just how many of your follow Hannah & Madeline's (my SUPERGIRLS!) story. But word is...get ready for it...there will be an update soon!! How soon I don't know but sooner the better! The twins are amazing...I have been following them for over a year and when I first met them they were very sick post-transplant and have only gotten better and stronger as each day passed...and they are now doing great! So hold on to your seats, an update is due any day now! (we've been waiting 2 months!).

There are too many other kids out there fighting, so please keep them in your prayers... say some extra ones for Bailee, Lakota, Katia, Michael, Sara Lee, Trey, Benjamin, Cam the Ham, Connor H, Katja, Olivia, Becki, Steve, Heidi and many many more. All their links are below.

Not much else to report on my side, except I had a great weekend. Saturday night, I went to my best friend's dinner party and we just had a ball eating, drinking, talking and laughing. I was soooooo close to getting talked into having a karaoke session but thank god no one was too interested in that idea!!! (you don't wanna hear me sing!). And yesterday, me, Marcus and Dean's family were at Karen's & Dean's for Dean's birthday lunch... by the end of the day, I was exhausted, ready for bed but not ready for a Monday!!

But here we are :) Another Monday, another week... and I'm counting down till the weekend when I'll be seeing snow for the first time, making my first snow trip, and snowboarding for the first time...LOTS of firsts!!! And with this first snow trip of mine I have to do exactly this:

a) Build a snow man
b) Make a snow angel
c) Have a snow fight
d) And of course, learn to snowboard!

Till next time, have a great week everyone...thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

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Hi guys!

I know it's still a day early, but you know, in Janice's World you just never know when you might be able to get on the computer again...so for now, I just wanna say..

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

The weekend being here feels so good. I actually stayed back late at work yesterday...not something I usually do on a Friday!!! But it wasn't so bad at all...I was going to meet a friend at 6pm, so I thought I'd stay at work till about 5.30pm...just so I don't have to wait in the cold or anything. And I just refuse to go "window shopping" while waiting coz if you knew me, it wouldn't be pure window shopping. It's funny, but I don't remember liking shopping that much when I was younger...I think I only starting showing even just a slight interest in it maybe when I was around 17...or even 18. Kinda a little unusual seeing that girls as young as 6 are going shopping for their own clothes- I watched this thing on TV the other day where a 6 year old took her mother shopping for clothes- she wanted a bra (omigod!) and she wanted to dress like Britney Spears. And she's SIX! So anyway, I suppose I was a late starter...I think I have a lot to thank my mum for, for my shopping "addiction" (it's not REALLY any addiction, I don't even have a credit card). She just loved shopping and would jump at any opportunity to do it...she would say she was going out for some bread and milk but she would come back with a truck load of other goodies. She would be the first at every sale, every new shopping centre... I'm glad I was able to enjoy some of my best shopping moments with her :)

So last night my girlfriend and I went to watch Mean Girls AGAIN...for the SECOND time..I just love that show. Don't know why really...I just love a good girly, feel-good, chick flick... right now, I am ready to start cooking. It's like just after 11 in the morning. A girlfriend is having a dinner party tonight and I have to make something.. I've decided on pasta (surprise, surprise!).. you can't go wrong with pasta. So it should be good tonight...

Tomorrow afternoon, we'll be having a birthday lunch at Karen's for Dean's birthday... and then tomorrow night I'm gonna watch Spiderman-2!! That should be awesome... although I'm not so sure about sequels...they're never as good as the first ones. When the first Spiderman came out, Karen, Allison and I went to watch it at Gold Class on Karen's hen's day. That was 2 years ago!!

Well, that's all for today... I really just wanted to wish all my American friends a Happy 4th of July..but of course I always tend to write more. I hope ya'll have a great celebration with family, friends, food, fun and most importantly FIREWORKS!!!! And in the midst of all your celebrations, laughter and smiles, don't forget our litte battlers who aren't as lucky to be able to join in the fun...keep them all in your prayers!

Thanks for checking in,

Love, Janice

Thursday, July 1, 2004

HAPPY JULY!!!!!

It can't be July!!! Where has the first half of the year gone? Happy July, everyone :) Only 2 more official months of winter and I'm counting the days away...it hasn't been too bad lately actually. We've been having some cold and windy days..but manageable. The sun has been out the past few days and I think it's just cruel that we have to work and stay in the office all the day :)

I'm going to the snow next weekend! Everyone, please start praying I don't break ANY bones! Hehe. I should be fine. It's just this whole getting on and off the chairlift business that's bothering me... I am just paranoid that I will be stuck on a chairlift forever simply because I don't know how to get off- without falling over that is. Marcus, his dad, a friend and me will be going up to Mt Bulla next weekend for a day...it will be my first time ever seeing or touching snow!! It's gonna be a big moment! I'll be sure to have my camera with me :) I think we're about due for some new photos on this website anyways...

I hope you guys like the zeocast flick I created at the top of the page. Isn't she lovely? Yes, she surely was. See that baby picture of me and my mum...it's one of my favourites. I don't remember taking it but there's just something about the photo that I love...

Well, ONE more day till the weekend (who's counting!).. tomorrow night, I'm having dinner and going to the movies with my best girlfriend. Seeing that Dean is having a boys' night, Karen might come and hang out with us. Saturday, my best friend is throwing a dinner party at a house she's currently house-sitting. And Sunday, we are celebrating Dean's 32nd birthday! His actual birthday is on the 5th of July so we decided to do something this weekend. So it'll be a busy weekend for me!

Well, that's all I really had to say tonight... I hope everyone has a great start to July and I know a lot of you, well most of you really, will be celebrating 4th of July on Sunday...how EXCITING!!! But no need to make me jealous with all the stories of fireworks and what not... I'M JOKING. Come on by and tell me how you celebrate 4th of July!! And of course I'll have a 4th of July border up for you guys. And to answer Jen's questions from the guestbook, Australia's "4th of July" is actually called Australia Day in January. And Malaysia's "4th of July" is actually on the 31st of August. And yes, we celebrate it all with a huge bang!! In case I don't update on the weekend, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, everyone!!!

And please don't forget to keep dear Benjamin in your prayers as he has started to show very mild symptoms of taking a "step down"... this is one gorgeous, cool, energetic, full of life boy, so please pray for more time for Benjamin to be the boy he's always wanted to be- normal. He's a fighter through and through! We love you Benjamin!!!

That's all folks, THANKS a whole bunch for checking in...

Till next time...

Love, Janice

Monday, June 28, 2004

Hi guys,

Another week, another Monday!

I hope everyone had a great weekend...I sure did. I did everything from sleeping in, to watching the most hilarious movie, Mean Girls, to having yummy Mexican, to seeing my brother off at the airport, to just chilling and watching DVDs, to a very brief game of chess, to hanging out with my best girlfriend, to YES, scrubbing my floors and spring cleaning my entire apartment inside and out!! (you must've read my mind Jen!!). So that was my weekend in a nutshell, and I have to say I am in love with Mexican Food. Bring on the nachos!! And the Chilli Concarne, the Margaritas, and any funky coloured cocktail in a huge cocktail glass. See what happens when you introduce me to some new... something new AND edible.

So I dropped Adrian & Deborah off at the airport on Saturday (DID NOT GET LOST on the way there and back! WOOHOO!). It was kinda strange coming home to an empty apartment, no noise, no mess (hehe)...it was unusually quiet. Not that Adrian is a loud person or anything, but somehow the place just seems so much quieter when there's only one person around. It's like I can actually hear the hum of the fridge, or the whistling of the quiet wind outside or the gentle rustle of the leaves outside...oh you get my point! Anyhow, I am enjoying the place to myself...having grown up with siblings, you never ever really get to live ALONE so I will enjoy this as much as I can. I'm the sorta person who loves her own space!! As much as I love having people around me :) So yeah, at the moment despite enjoying this empty and clean apartment, I am also green with envy of Adrian home in KL in hot, tropical weather, with fantastically (is that a word) delicious Malaysian food.

Work has been going well for me. I am still enjoying myself and enjoying being in my team. It's weird, but last week I sorta imagined myself being in a "Big Brother" environment with my team mates. Only because we work so close with each other and you can tell who gets along, who doesn't, the certain cliques within cliques. That sorta stuff. That thought only last a few minutes :) Last week, my team organised a work lunch down at this super posh restaurant in the city called Langtons. It was only about a 5 minute tram ride from work. We all had a great time being outside of work during working hours. Don't know if it was just me but I felt naughty, like I was sneaking out of school during school hours. That thought also lasted only a few seconds :) The best part of it all (besides the very good food- I had rabbit) was that I was able to go home right after lunch!

Now, on the the more important, romantic, lovey dovey stuff!!! Today is....DRUM ROLL....Karen & Dean's 2nd wedding anniversary!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, GUYS!!!!. I can't believe they've been married two whole years. Seems like yesterday we were picking out a dress for Karen and outfits for the bridesmaids too. I am so happy that mum was here to see Karen get married. I think it was the most important thing to her in her last few months. She was so happy. You could tell just by looking at her at the wedding, that mum was blissfully happy and content in the midst of her suffering and pain. I miss her so much! I ache to put my arms around her once more. So, to celebrate their 2nd wedding anniversary, Dean had planned a surprise getaway for the 2 of them. I don't really know how much of a surprise it was seeing that it involved driving and Dean can't exactly drive with a broken arm, leaving Karen to do the driving. He couldn't exactly blindfold her while she drove!! Haha. Anyway, they ended up at Mount Martha in a beautiful house that they both rented for the weekend just for themselves. They had a wonderful time. I'm looking forward to photos and also the video they took. I'll see if I can get some scanned :)

Well, my fingers are freezing as I type... but before I go, here are some of my new friends..

Ali- A gorgeous young lady fighting ALL. She is currently undergoing chemo and could use some extra prayers!

Baby Will- The most adorable baby born too soon and has been in hospital fighting ever since. He needs all the prayers he can get to bring him right home!!

Kailie- A beautiful girl fighting ALL. Just recently she was diagnosed with a HLH and on top of that she also relapsed with ALL. She is fighting on and needs extra prayers and a perfect miracle.

Karin- A young woman fighting alveolar rhabdomyosarcoma. She is a true survivor and has been off treatment for 1 1/2 years! Go to her site and be inspired.

Margaret- A young woman fighting Ovarian Cancer. She is undergoing chemo right now and could do with all the prayers she can get.

I have to admit I was pretty shocked when I came across Margaret site. Here she was, a 22 year old fighting the same cancer that took my mum away from me. I just thought of Margaret, this ordinary young woman, just like me, going through what my mum did. I don't know, but it tugged at my heart a little bit...I think it just hit me a little harder as Ovarian Cancer is just something a little closer to home. So, please do go and visit my new friends and say hi whenever you can!

Of course, don't forget to keep the rest of our little ones in your prayers daily, nightly, however often you say your prayers. Some extra prayers would be greatly appreciated too.

I hope everyone has a great week.

With that, I will leave you with some food for thought...

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched, but are felt in the heart... ~Helen Keller~

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy...
~Insipired by an Eskimo Legend~

One joy shatters a hundred griefs... ~Chinese Proverb~

When someone dies, you don't get over it by forgetting; you get over it by remembering, and you are aware that no person is ever truly lost or gone once they have been in our life and loved us, as we have loved them...
~Leslie Marmon Silko~

You're surprised when you find out that you're going to make it... There is some kind of ability we all have that just shows up on your front porch... ~Anonymous~

Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys.... ~Alphonse de Lamartine~

I hope you've all enjoyed that :)

Till next time...

All my love,
Janice

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Hi everyone,

Just here to wish everyone a GREAT weekend! I hope you've all got something fun planned. Or even just a nice quiet weekend.

Today, I dropped Adrian and our cousin Deborah off at the airport. They were both on the same flight back to KL for winter break. They're on the plane right now as I type so I hope they have a safe trip.

Well, it is just getting a little too cold for my liking here in Melbourne, with lots of scattered rain.. but hey, I'll stop complaining about the rain coz we need it.

This will be a pretty crappy update but I'll update more on Monday and do a recap on how the kids are doing.. as for now, please say some extra prayers for Abbey, Bailee, Katia, Heidi, Steve, Becki, Lakota, Michael, Sara Lee, Trey, Benjamin, Connor H, Olivia, and many many more. Don't forget the other kids whose links are on the table below...and I'll also add a few more of my new friends next week.

In the mean time, take care!!! I'll be back soon :)

Lots of love & prayers,
Janice

Monday, June 21, 2004

UPDATE: 23rd June

Hi guys!

Check out my new weather sticker just above this journal. It's totally cool! Now you'll all get a brief idea of what it's like in for me in Melbourne when you're all the way in...wherever you are :)

Adrian, Karen, Dean & I had dinner tonight at a very nice Vietnamese restaurant. Adrian is flying off to KL on Saturday for a month and Karen & Dean are going away for the weekend to celebrate their 2nd year anniversary being married (28th June). So we decided to all have a dinner tonight.

Oh yeah, and HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all you daddies out there!!! And a very special HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to my dad too :) I love you dad! Australia celebrates father's day in September so naturally not knowing that the rest of the world was celebrating father's day last Sunday, I totally forgot and did not even speak to my dad :( Adrian and I rung him on Monday though when we realised we missed it. I still don't get why Australia and the rest of the world has to celebrate it on different days. Anyways I all of you dads out there had a great time with your family.. remember, anyone can be a father but not everyone can be a daddy.. which one are you? :)

Gotta go...I will update after Adrian leaves for KL. He has finally finished the last of his finals and can now enjoy a month long winter break. Wish him a safe trip home and a great time with family and friends. I am jealous!!

Lots of love,
Janice

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HAPPY MONDAY!! (this is what I try and mutter enthusiastically under my breath on my way to work on a freezing cold Monday morning)

Well, firstly sorry about my little spill on Saturday night...as many of you would know by now, I go through a lot of "missing my mum" phases. I think it's quite reflective in my journals...happy ones, not so happy ones and just plain sad/emotional ones. I think I was just very sad on Saturday night. But didn't I tell you a good night's sleep would sorta fix everything? (wish I could fully fix it!). It did. I went to bed and felt much better the next day.. it's when you need to have a cry and you do have that much needed cry and you feel about a thousand times better. Kinda like throwing up but we won't go there :)

I hope everyone had a great weekend..I certainly had one of my best weekends just doing girly things with the girls. Marcus' new car came over the weekend so he tried teaching me how to drive it. It's a manual car and I KNOW how to drive one, it's just that I haven't driven a manual in like 3 1/2 years. My car is auto (thank God for auto!!). Anyway let's just say it wasn't exactly the calmest moments in my life driving his car. It sorta reminded me of the time I first got my license... mum was always absolutely terrified to get in the car with me. Not so much because I was a bad driver (I wasn't!), I think it was just purely pyschological...you know, 18 year old getting her license, kids love exhiliriation ie: speed (I NEVER speed!!), new driver has no sense of judgement, no sense of direction whatsoever. All of which was not the case with me, so it WAS pyschological. Anyway, one day we were driving down this extremely narrow lane...cars parker on BOTH sides...so there I was driving extremely slow (10km/ph) trying not to hit cars parked on both side. And I was doing pretty well, I was IN CONTROL, I KNEW what I was doing..and there was mum in the passenger seat totally FREAKING OUT, screeching at the top of her lungs "SLOW DOWN!"...and I was like "I'm going at 10km/ph!! Any slower and this car won't be moving!!". So of course we were both very annoyed at each other by the time I got to the end of that ridiculously narrow lane. I got so annoyed, I stopped the car, pulled up the hand brake, opened the car door, stormed out and said to mum, "FINE, YOU DRIVE!". Of course she gladly stepped out and took over and her heart started beating once again. Seriously though, I was in control. I look back at that memory now and just laugh. At that time I was just so pissed off at her for not having faith in me but now it's just so funny. I miss that. I miss having silly fights with her.

Well I should get started with dinner. I hope you all have a great start to the week!

Lots of love,
Janice

Saturday, June 19, 2004

**Later Post**

Hi guys,
Watched Shrek today...it was quite funny and sweet. I love animated movies. And I just love the whole sincerely happy, lovey-dovey, live happily ever after theme. I have always loved a good happy ending movie. It's my kinda thing. Just like my entire life and with the people around me, I like the happily ever after option. I've had a great weekend with my girlfriends. They're the best.

Do you think it's completely strange and simply odd that you can feel so contented and yet so incomplete at the same time? Does that even make sense? Is it possible to feel that way? Because that's how I feel right now... incase you haven't picked up, I am in a weird mood right now, to say the least. I feel extremely contented from how the weekend has progressed. I've had such a blast with my girlfriends, I've watched a couple of movies that I've wanted to watch, I've gone out dancing, I've had several deep and meaningful chats with a girlfriend. Yet, now alone in my apartment, late in the night (or very early in the morning- whichever you prefer), I am alone and my mind and my heart feels like it's in a weird place. Familiar but weird. And I don't even have to guess where this all stems from... because it is clear that I am still hurting (and still very much so) from the death of my mother. Some of you out there might be crying out "it's been nearly 2 years!!!". Well.. so what? To tell you the truth, I feel like in 20 years, I will still be feeling like this. Maybe then I won't feel such a strong need to vent my emotions in a journal like this, but I can guarantee you that I will feel the loss just the same. Nothing and I mean nothing can or will make this ache go away. And it's not even stubborn-ness. It's just a loss that will always be there and a hurt that will never completely disappear. I know that Caringbridge is such a difficult place to come to. I suppose it depends which end of the spectrum you're on...I have gone to CB sites where parents have lost their children and it is just too painful to return to CB. It is too painful for them to continue going round the guestbooks. Because everything is just a reminder that they have lost their child. It is just a reminder that they have experienced a loss like no other. And when you're already hurting so incredibly much, why on earth would you need a reminder like so?? Of course there are the families who do return to CB after the loss of a loved one purely because Caringbridge has always been a significant source of support. I have to admit that when I first started this website in memory of my mum, I knew what I was getting into...here I was writing about her, memories of her which included her worst days, her last days. Knowing that each time I logged on, it would only be a reminder that I have indeed lost her. But I suppose honouring her memory and wanting to keep the memory of her alive motivated me more (and continues to do so) to come back to this site. To think of her. To relive those memories (both blissful and painful). It is hard to come on here. I look at that photo of her at the top of this page. Do you know how I long to just reach out beyond this computer screen and shut my eyes and just hope that I feel her. That I am able to touch her. That I am able to remember what her skin feels like. That maybe she would say something to me and I will hear her voice again. That she would appear infront of me, in the flesh, in person and I would be able to hold her and remember what she used to smell like. THAT I AM ABLE TO DO ALL OF THE ABOVE? Why is it so hard? Why do humans get so attached? Forget about mother and daughter relationships, father and son relationships, family relations and so on. Just, why is it that humans get so attached to other humans? To animals? To objects? When different relationships break up, we get hurt. When someone dies, we get hurt. Why do we have all these emotions?? It just makes things so much harder. But then again, if we didn't have these emotions, we would know what love was, we wouldn't know the height of our happiness... I wouldn't know the love for my mother or the love she had for me. So maybe all these emotions even though is making my life harder right now, maybe it's all worthwhile.

Okay well, that's my "Dr Phil" session for tonight. I'm talking to myself and I'm rambling to myself. I'm written enough for one day!! I just need some shut-eye time... I know my mind and my heart will be in a better place tomorrow. It always is after a good night's sleep. But you know... it's still hard and it still hurts and I'm still getting into these weird places where my emotions overwhelm me.

I just miss her. And I long for her. I have never felt a loss as great as this. And these emotions are the repercussions of losing a mother way before her time.

Thanks for joining in my Dr Phil session.

Love, Janice
************************************************************

Hi everyone!

I am so glad the weekend is here!! ---> Something I always start with my weekend updates! Hehe.

I just wanted to update and say that things are all pretty calm here on my side of the world. Can't say the same for the weather though... it is blowing a gale outside right now. The sun is out but there are VERY dark clouds in the distance and it's only about 10 degrees (celcius). Oh, Melbourne weather...gotta love it coz you gotta live with it! Good news though, it has started snowing up in the mountains, so I am looking to make a trip up to Mount Bulla in the next couple of weeks! Just for the day. It's only about a 2 or so hour drive from Melbourne. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous with learning (for the first) time how to snowboard...but it's quite exciting all the same. I don't think I've been a very sporty person my entire life...I did the occasional sport at school but I was never a big sporty person, although I did kayak for 2 years in high school (FUN!!).. so trying to pick up this sport will be interesting.

Adrian has finals again this week. Him and cousin Deborah are flying back to KL next Saturday! Aunty Janet & Uncle Trevor are also flying back to KL tomorrow night! It's always nice to go back to KL for a holiday...we have such a big family (mum was one out of ten brothers and sisters).

Anyhoo, there wasn't really a point to this update! I am just thankful for the weekend.. the girls and I went out last night. It was so much fun...we went to a couple of bars in the city and just had a lot of girl fun. Everytime I'm out with the girls it always reminds me of just how important friends are...and how important my 20's are!! I only have my 20's for a short time (I have approximately 7 years and 1 1/2 months left!!! OH-MY-GOD!) and the right thing to do would be to enjoy it while it lasts. Also, I'll be watching Shrek 2 later in the day...I can't wait. Melbourne is going Shrek crazy...there is Shrek everything on sale. Cutlery, pajamas, shoes, stationery, hats, jackets, t-shirts, you name it, they've Shrek'd it!!

Well, today I wanted to leave you all with a little email that my dad forwarded to me. I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like I'm such a worry-wart. I worry about things that shouldn't even need worrying, I can easily get paranoid about things if things aren't going the way it's meant to go...life, emotions, friends, family, work, whatever, somehow there is always a cause of worry some time or another. I think that over the years I have slowly (very slowly) learnt to not worry as much, or to not get worked up over nothing...coz really, it's not healthy and it's just annoying when you have something niggling at the back of your head. And more importantly and sadly, it holds you back from having fun and just enjoying your life. So I think this email that my dad has forwarded to me, can and will help me and maybe some of you worry-warts out there (who so proudly admit it!)...

~*~*SLOW DANCE*~*~

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"hi"

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

So with that, make the most of your life...don't sweat the small stuff. Look at the bigger picture. Don't take those you love around you for granted. Your parents, your siblings, your kids, your friends. Don't take the things that you love in life for granted. Your hobbies, your car, your job. Don't take your abilities however small or big they are for granted. Your ability to walk, run, talk, listen, give, take, LOVE. Because they may not be around forever, they may not last forever, because if you do take them for granted, they could pass by so quickly in a fleeting moment and only be a part of your distant past and never again in your future. Today is today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. What matters is today. And when you make the most of today, tomorrow will take care of itself.

Thank you all so much for checking in and your lovely notes in the guestbook! Please don't forget to check on the kids. Lots of love to all of you!

~Janice~

Saturday, June 12, 2004

************************************************

~~*UPDATE: 15TH JUNE*~~

Man, I'm totally bummed out I missed the JT concerts over the weekend. (JT = Justin Timberlake). I have missed TWO big concerts in the past 7 months!! JT AND CHRISTINA! JT had 3 concerts in Melbourne last Friday, Saturday and Sunday...and did I go to any? Noooooo... tickets weren't what you'd call "simply affordable" either, but I would've paid the $130 to see him. Sadly none of my other friends were willing to. And I wasn't about to go to the concert alone looking like a complete loser :) I also somehow managed to miss Sarah MacLachlan's concert this year too... I love her!

Anyways, I really just wanted to come and say hi to everyone and to let you all know that I'm slowly making my way around the guestbooks...

It was HARD to get out of bed today.. today was a lot easier at work. I wasn't at busy and had time to breathe and actually have lunch :) It started snowing up in the mountains today! (it doesn't snow in Melbourne itself). I can't wait to go snowboarding.. Marcus and I have a trip planned late August but we're thinking of making a couple more before that...

Well, if you scroll a little more to the bottom, you'll see the prayer requests...don't forget my table of kids at the bottom of the page too. They would all love to hear from you!

Thanks for checking in :)

Lots of love to you, you and you..

Janice

***********************************************
Hi guys,

Can I please make a special plea for all of you in warm weather to PLEASE send some sunshine and warmth THIS way! Yes, THIS way...down south, down under, all the way to Melbourne. It is freezing!!! The way I see it is, if it's gonna be THIS cold, it might as well snow. But it doesn't. I mean since I'm *freezing* I should at least get the chance to snowball someone over, start a snowball fight, make a snow angel or build a snowman right? But no, I'll have to wait a couple of months till I can drive 5 hours up to Mount Hotham to do just that. Apparently it snowed in Melbourne some 35 years ago... so, I guess you get the idea of how cold it's been lately here. It was pretty foggy yesterday I could barely see the end of my street (and it's not a very long street at all) and it was very icy this morning, the grass outside had icy tips!

Adrian and I just got back from dinner at Karen's and Dean's. We had fish & chips. We were gonna have pizza, but after watching Supersize Me, Karen & Dean would not go near it.. I argued that fish & chips probably had the exact same amount (or close anyway) of fat/calories as pizzas but they refuse to believe me. So fish & chips it was.. have you guys seen Supersize Me?? It's a very convincing movie... I don't know if I'll ever go near a chocolate sundae again...

This weekend is a long weekend for us here. It's the Queen's Birthday weekend and I am making the most of it! By doing nothing and just relaxing. The past week has been absolutely crazy for me. Time has never flown has fast as it did last week. The job I did covering for my team-mate who was away ended up being pretty good. I didn't have much trouble at all during the week, picked things up pretty easily and managed to come out of the week with all of my hair AND nails still intact :) To tell you the truth, I would rather be busy (as I was last week) than bored (which could be the case sometimes if I was doing my normal job). But all in all, it was a good experience.

OOOooohhh! I FINALLY got contact lenses! It is awesome! The world is a whole different place when I have them on! My eyesight isn't too bad. Before contacts, I had glasses but only wore them when I needed to, like at work or when I'm driving or at the movies... I could survive without them, but I couldn't do the little things like see a street sign from far or read the specials on the specials board at a restaurant. So, as you can imagine contacts has been a total godsend for me!! I was pretty excited. I had my eye examination about a week ago and ordered in the contacts, and picked them up on Thursday. I was like a kid on Christmas morning...couldn't wait for it. It was kinda embarrassing though, coz when I went in to pick them up, the optometrist had to "teach" me how to put them in and get them out, how to maintain them etc. I found it pretty easy to put them in but I just couldn't get them out!!! I sat there for a full 10 minutes trying to get them out while the optometrist sat back and thought I was probably one of his most incapable patients. Well I don't know if he was thinking that but he probably was! Anyway after a zillion tried I finally managed to get them out and I was so happy to be outta there just my contacts and me :) They're disposables and pretty easy to maintain. And apparently I have VERY symmetrical eyes, both lenses are exactly the same so I don't have to worry about confusing myself between the left and right. Yay!

Well Adrian has already had a few of his finals. He has a few more coming up in the next week or so. I think he found one of them pretty difficult last week. Anyway, he won't have to worry too much anymore as he'll finish the last of his finals in the next 2 weeks and then he'll be flying back to KL for his winter break for about a month!! Lucky thing!

I'm gonna go continue my guestbook rounds now... it has been so great going round and reading that so many of the kids are doing excellent with lots of "clear scans" written in journals!! Yeah! That's what we wanna read! At the same time, there are quite a few still battling with all their might.. just to do a quick recap on how things are going with my little ones..

Abbey finally had her transplant last week. GO ABBEY! She experiencing all the normal side effects of transplant- mouth sores, stomach pains, diaorrhea, nausea- you name it, she's got it. The doctors think she's doing really well for someone who's just been through transplant but hey it's no fun feeling like crap, so please pray for her speedy recovery! We love you, Abbey!

Bailee is still hanging in there, in and out of hospitals trying to fight her relapse. They are hoping to get her into transplant soon, but it is still yet to be confirmed if she will have one, where and when will be another issue. Her counts are very low and she just needs a lot of cheering up right now.

Lakota is back in the hospital with fevers, there are worries about her kidney, she is in pain and hasn't been eating...bottom line, she NEEDS prayers!! Please pray..

Michael will be having his next MRI on Tuesday, the 15th, so pray we have the good news we are all hoping for.

Continue to pray for Benjamin as he has started hospice. He is still feeling as energetic as eve and full of spirit which is great, so pray this keeps up.

Connor H just had his scans which showed his tumour grown an extra 2cm in the past month. They are starting him on a mixture of a new drug and an old one which he's had before. So please pray this WORKS. Surgery is also now an option for Connor and appears to be the only "cure". Connor has been through a whole lot, so keep up your prayers for him...

Steve is on hospice and continues to fight for his life as each day goes by.. although his wife Renate has not updated in awhile, please pray for Steve's comfort and peace.

Heidi continues to wait patiently to be on the transplant list. As you know time is extremely critical when a transplant patient is kept waiting. Please pray that the doctors can do whatever it is to buy the "time" that Heidi so desperately needs.

Keep the prayers coming you guys!!!!! And do take a moment to say hello to them and wish them the best. THANK YOU!!

Here are a couple of my new friends you'll just have to visit..

Alice- A brave lady with Chains Disease. Her transplant has been rescheduled to Thursday, the 17th. So pray all will go well for her.

Ali is a young woman fighting ALL. She is currently on treatment and is simply counting the days till her last treatment! As you would!

Jordan is a young boy fighting ALL. He is also one of the many little Aussie battlers! GO JORDAN!

Today, the 12th of June is the one year anniversary of Angel Colby James Cole earning his much deserved angel wings and taking that first Heavenly step into Heaven. This afternoon, I let 2 purple balloons fly up to the Heavens.. one for Colby for his special 1 year anniversary cancer-free and one for my mum "just because". Today has been cold and reasonably windy, so I'm sure they got to Colby and my mum okay :) If you have the chance, go by Angel Colby's site and take a moment to remember a simply amazing little boy. He had, has and always will have a special place in my heart. Cole family, I'm thinking of you guys today!

Have a great weekend, everyone. Thanks for checking in and signing the guestbook! Tata for now!

Love, Janice

Monday, June 7, 2004

~*8TH JUNE*~

Dear Mum,
I thought of you today...I've had probably the busiest day I've ever had at work today and I hardly had time to breathe. After work, while I crossed the street outside my office, I thought of you and it hit me that today it had been 21 months since you left for Heaven. That first, very single moment I thought of you, my heart nearly burst with guilt. Guilt because I hadn't thought of you the entire day as I tried my hardest to keep up with my busy work load. I had not felt such guilt in such a long time... I thought of you all the way home and now. My heart still aches so much for you...while I crossed the street after thinking of you, I thought of a million different things that I would give up to have you back.. I would give up EVERYTHING. But then the thought of you here on Earth suffering, in pain, bed-ridden came to mind...and suddenly, it was quite okay that you are in Heaven. HAPPY 21 MONTHS in Heaven, mum... we all love you and miss you here! More than you know.

~X0X0 Janice X0X0~

And from the words of Eric Clapton, one of the most talented singer/songwriters...

~Heaven Is One Step Away~

We searched all through the night.
I couldn't find it, you couldn't find it.
I knew something wasn't right.
I couldn't find it, you couldn't find it.

And they say heaven is one step away.
Heaven is one step away.

And then there came the dawn.
I couldn't find it, you couldn't find it.
I just had to carry on.
I couldn't find it, you couldn't find it.

We didn't leave till a quarter to three.
All your friends, they were laughing at me.
I don't get it, I don't understand.
Who is that man holding your hand?

Heaven is one step away.
Heaven is one step away.
Heaven is one step away.
Heaven is one step away.

~Tears In Heaven~

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way
Through night and day,
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven.

Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi everyone!

I'M BACK! I feel like I've been gone (from Caringbridge) for ages! But really it's only been a week. Well, quite a lot has happened in the last week I don't really know where to start.. I suppose starting with news of Dean breaking his arm wouldn't hurt (or maybe it would) - hehe :)

Karen called early Wednesday morning with news of Dean in hospital with a very badly broken arm...and apparently when I say very badly, I mean VERY BADLY. It happened at his ice hockey training when he fell on the ice and slid at extremely high speed towards the sides of the ice rink. He stuck out his arm thinking he'd be able to stop himself, but unfortunately that broke his right arm in two places...I've only seen his arm in the cast it's in now, but Karen says it looked really bad. Anyway, after it happened he was quickly driven to Sandringham hospital.. during the initial impact and a few minutes after, the pain was not too great as he was just all pumped up with adrenaline (and that makes you not feel the pain so much) but once he was in the car on the way to the hospital, the adrenaline wore off and he was in an incredible amount of pain. At the hospital, they gave him ridiculous amounts of morphine to help with pain. Wednesday night, he had an operation on his arm where they placed a few pins to help with the healing (or something like that, I'm no doctor but that's what I heard). And he left the hospital Thursday. For someone (ie: me) who's never broken a bone, this sounds like an absolute nightmare. So now, Dean is in a cast (which will soon be nicely decorated by me!!) and will be for the next 6-8 weeks..and he will be off work for 2 weeks.

Work has been quite busy for me the last week... I spent most of last week training for this week. A girl in my team is away on vacation for a week and I have been given the responsibility of doing her job, so I spent most of last week in training. Since Friday I have been quite nervous about covering for her...only because her job is a lot more complicated than mine and I'm the only one doing it meaning my workload would increase significantly. I was a wreck this morning getting really nervous about it! I guess I just don't wanna let anyone down as a lot of people are counting on me to do her job while she's gone. So anyway, it turns out things went really well and today turned out to be a pretty hectic but good day. I managed to get a lot done and some of my team mates have been impressed in my ability to pick things up quickly... which is nice to hear :) I just hope the rest of the week goes okay! I know challenges and obstacles are good for you once in awhile...without them, life would be boring. I think I've just really learnt to have more faith in myself and just take whatever comes my way with an open mind. It helps.

Adrian's finals have started today and he seems to be doing nothing but study these days. Please say an extra prayer or two for him. I sat for my last ever set of finals a year ago and this all just reminds me of how painful exam periods can really be! When the weather is great outside and all you wanna do is go out and be with your friends, you can't because you know you have a final coming up and just need to study. Or when your favourite tv show is on, you feel so guilty watching it knowing that the time spent watching it could be used to study. Exams suck so much!! I'm so happy to be out of there. So don't forget to keep Adrian in your prayers :) Thanks!!! He appreciates it!!

Well, in fear of boring everyone to tears.. I will leave it here to go and make a start on dinner. But before I go, I just wanted to say that we very sadly lost Michelle on the 31st of May. She was a beautiful girl who gave it all she had but it was just not to be... please go by her site and leave a note for her devastated mum and family. Kim, I am so thankful and glad Michelle was able to send me her photos before she went to Heaven..

Thank you all who continue to check in!!

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, May 31, 2004

UPDATE: 5TH JUNE

Hi guys!

I haven't disappeared... I haven't been able to get online since Tuesday as Karen is borrowing our laptop for the a few days. But I'll be back soon.

Just to let everyone know :)

I'm still thinking of ya'll and praying too...

BE BACK SOON!

Love, Janice

Hi guys,

Happy June for tomorrow! It's June already??? If you ask me, it was only YESTERDAY when I helped Karen out with Christmas decorations. Well, the first official winter month is here...I think that means "officially" saying goodbye to flip flops and skirts for awhile...now, skirts I can live without (for now) but flip flops??? I can't live without them.. they are by far the most comfortable, not to mention, very TRENDY but casual, type of footwear I have ever known...even now in the cold, cold autumn rain, I still sneak out to the supermarket in flip flops..but I think June means it's too cold for that :( All you people in the northern hemisphere, send us some warmer weather!!! Thanks in advance :)

Well, Supersize Me was excellent!! I can honestly and very proudly say now that I do not crave McDonalds whatsoever!! You couldn't even temp me with those fries (ooh, maybe the chocolate sundaes)!! I guess everyone knows exactly how disgusting fast food makes you feel (and look), but I guess it just didn't hit me how bad it is for our body till I watched Supersize Me. I have never been a huge fast food person anyway, I have it maybe once in awhile, but now I don't know if I'll have it anymore...watch the movie and you'll understand...you'll never look at a Quarter Pounder or even McNuggets the same...

Well I don't have much to report over here except that work is getting a little busy and also...GET READY FOR THIS...I have learnt how to knit!!! I swear, knitting is the new black. It is actually COOL to be knitting. And do not ever think it is only an activity for the elderly because if you do, you are sooo wrong. Everyone at work seems to be in a knitting phase right now- could be the fact that winter is here and there's nothing more comforting and godsend than a soft, warm, woolen, knitted scarf!! So anyway, Marcus' mum showed me how to knit for the first time yesterday and once I started I couldn't stop. I think I actually knitted for 4 1/2 hours straight. I'm doing a "trial" scarf...and when I say trial, I mean it may not look like a scarf...close though. Hehe. I have dropped a couple of stitches here and there and the sides don't look as straight as they should be, but HEY, I'm trying. It could be my new hobby. Until I learn how to snowboard and get good at that :)

Anyways, so thank you all for stopping by and I hope you have a great start to the week!!

Oh and before I forget, here's another new friend of mine, Alice. Alice is actually a very good friend of Jen, whom I've known for awhile on Caringbridge. Jen doesn't have a CB website or anything, she just goes round visiting CB sites and praying for people...and she's very cool! So please go by her friend, Alice's site and keep up with her. She's an awesome lady and so very brave. She is suffering from Chain's diease (similar to leukemia) and she's also a school teacher and does a whole lot for the kids. Welcome to CB Alice!

Love, Janice

PS: Thank you so much for your continued prayers for Kenneth & Michelle and their Angel baby Ethan.. no words can describe how much they're hurting right now, so thank you all who've thought of them and prayed for them.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

*~*~*~*Update: May 27th*~*~*~*~*

Hi everyone,

It's been a busy few days...just with working and everything. We haven't been TOO busy at work, but I still find myself completely exhausted at the end of the day! Except on Fridays.. strangely enough, Fridays I always have the energy to keep going.. maybe because I know I can sleep in on Saturdays :)

Well, yesterday was baby Ethan's funeral. Dad and Aunty Peggy who both emailed me said that it was beautiful. Our very own little angel has been laid to rest right near his great-grandmother (my grandmother). I so wish I could've been there. Please continue to lift Kenneth & Michelle up in prayer...it is such a difficult time for them. There are just no words right now that will or could make them feel better. I also wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who has been praying and thinking of them...it is so appreciated.

Well I have to type in a hurry coz I'm about to go and watch Supersize Me! I'm really looking forward to it.. I loved Bowling for Columbine when it came out so I know I'll like this. And I REALLY don't mind at all if it turns me off McDonalds for life!

Exciting news of the week (scary too). Yesterday at around 11am, in the busy bustling city of Melbourne, some pyscho of a man decided to drive his car right through the ground floor of my office building. ON PURPOSE. No one got hurt, thankfully and miraculously. It was pretty dangerous...the ground floor is just filled with glass windows all around so there was shattered glass everywhere. Apparently he has been in a consistent dispute with one of the insurance companies in my building.

I guess that's all for today folks. Continue to pray for our precious little ones...Abbey, Bailee, Sara Lee, Lakota, Katia, Michael, Benjamin, Christopher, Trey, Janelle, Chris, Steve, Becki, Olivia, Connor H, Cam the Ham...all their links are below so please say hello when you can.

And if you haven't noticed my table of kids at the bottom of this page... it's there! Visit when you can :)

THANK YOU all for stopping by and if you do look up to the skies, give a little wave to Angel Ethan and my Angel mum.

Lots of love,
Janice

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear mum,
Yesterday, you would've welcomed your new grand-nephew, Ethan, to Heaven...take his little hand and hold it tight till his parents are united with him once again. Show him what a beautiful place Heaven is and love him as you've loved us all here on Earth. Tell him all about his beautiful family and extended family who anxiously wait to see him again, and for the first time. Sending all our love, hugs & kisses high to the Heaven's above...

Sweet Heavenly Dreams, baby Ethan..

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It is a very sad time for our family right now...my cousin Kenneth and his wife Michelle have lost their precious new-born baby boy, Ethan. Beautiful Ethan was born on Friday, and was only here with us for a very short time. His parents, grand-parents and the rest of our family are extremely devastated and completely saddened by this. I ask you all, to PLEASE lift their entire family up in prayer. Uncle Robert, Aunty Lorna, Kenneth, Michelle, Derek and Lydia, all of us here in Melbourne are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers, and extremely close to our hearts. We send you all our love and more..

I am so shocked and saddened by Ethan's passing and since finding out the news this morning, I have not been able to stop thinking of this precious baby that I did not have the pleasure to meet. I won't write much tonight, so I will leave it here to ask all of you who check in on me to please say a prayer or two for my cousins Kenneth & Michelle and their family. God, please show them strength and comfort during this most difficult time..

Thank you for checking in...

Love, Janice

Thursday, May 20, 2004

**UPDATE: 21ST MAY**

It is not a happy time on Caringbridge right now...we lost sweet Kelly last night. She was THE survivor in a pink bandana. She fought hard and gave it all she got, just simply too beautiful for Earth. Rest in Peace, Kelly.

As if things could get any worse, Benjamin who very recently relapsed is now on hospice. Although he's feeling great right now, the future looming ahead of him seems dark and looks like he is heading for a storm. They have found a second tumour deep inside his brain and with the cancer spread to his spine, they are unable to perform any surgery whatsoever on Benjamin. Options have run out, quality of life is now of utmost important for Benjamin. This is totally shattering news, especially after he has remained cancer free for so long. Please go by his site and see for yourself just how amazing he is. Pray Benjamin is able to ride through the storm and see a rainbow after... all I hope for is a perfect healing for a perfect boy. We love you, Benjamin!

Please continue to lift the others up in prayer...Lakota, Katia, Michael, Steve, Becki, Abbey, Bailee, Sara Lee, Cameron, Connor H...all their links are below. And the many others hanging in there too...

THIS HAS GOT TO STOP! WHERE IS THE CURE?

Exactly how much heartbreak can one person go through?

Pray for their families...their parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends.. everyone.

THANK YOU!

Janice
****************************

Hi everyone,

Just here to quickly say a huge hello to everyone before the weekend arrives and I have even less time near the computer. I've been trying to go round the guestbooks this week but only managed to get to a few...I'll be there SOON guys! I promise. I have kept the prayer list below so feel free to go by their sites. I know all the families and especially the little ones would love to hear from you during the hardest, most trying times in their lives. Never underestimate the power of your words! Also, at the bottome of this page I have a whole table of other kids you can visit...do go by whenever you have the chance. They are all gorgeous and inspiring in their own special way. And there are more to come!

Now to the very special THANK YOU's... thank you, Devin for the beautiful photos you sent of yourself, your sister Kara and your gorgeous doggies! I was so rapped to get them in the mail today. I was so knackered from work and it totally put a smile on my face :) And also, thank you Michelle for your beautiful photos too!!

I know I had a little section for my Caringbridge "project" at the bottom of the page awhile back, but when my computer went funny and got hit by that sasser worm, I lost stuff I had on Caringbridge and so that project bit disappeared. But do please continue to send your photos, I am still on a mission to collect photos of all the CB kids and adults who are fighting everyday of their lives...even photos of their families would be cool! And you can send them to:

Janice Liew
80/8, Perth St
Prahran
Victoria 3181
Australia

Thank you in advance to everyone who does sent photos!

Well as expected, I am so glad the weekend is *nearly* here. Tomorrow night after work, I'll be meeting up with a couple of my girlfriends and we'll probably just do the girly thing and have dinner and go to the movies (gotta love that!), Saturday I'm planning to do a whole lot of laundry, mainly my clothes that I simply refuse to let the washing machine get a hold of, so I have to literally scrub them with my own bare hands. And I'm also planning on taking a big walk around the 5km Albert Park Lake circut...and Sunday, Marcus and I are gonna play some mini golf! I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about mini golf...I've never played it before but I know it's gonna be a heap of fun...until I start losing and get impatient. Haha.

I just wanted to thank everyone for coming by. Everyday I log on and the first thing I do is head straight for Caringbridge. I know there are at least 100 hits on this site everyday, so please do sign the guestbook and let me know you dropped by! It would be GREAT to hear from everyone...I love meeting new people and learning of other people's lives and journeys. Even if it's to say hello, it means a lot to me.

Tomorrow, the 21st of May, will be exactly ONE YEAR this website has been up and running! I know it's not such a big deal, but it's pretty exciting for me and it means a whole lot. So often I think to myself that my mother would have totally LOVED it and would've gotten such a kick out of it if I knew of Caringbridge when she was still alive. The love, support, encouragement and friendship I have seen over Caringbridge in the past year would've without a doubt blown her mind and would've helped her so much mentally and emotionally throughout her journey. I know I shouldn't have regrets but probably one of them would be that I had not found Caringbridge earlier. But hey, there's no time for regrets and it's better to have found Caringbridge 5 months too late than not at all. So with the one year of this website dedicated to the most beautiful woman in the world up and running, I will leave you with my very first official entry I ever wrote here on this website... enjoy (and try not to fall asleep).

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

So this is the story on how I discovered Caringbridge and how it has changed my life...

As many of you know, I lost my mum to cancer last September. When she was first diagnosed with cancer in February, 1998, my world fell apart. The thought of losing my mum was unbearable. I couldn't do anything about it, but I wanted to learn about this horrible disease that robs us each day of so many lives. So I started surfing the internet for cancer websites. My mum had Ovarian Cancer which is cancer that begins in the cells that constitutes the ovaries. Statistics relating to Ovarian Cancer is harsh- Ovarian Cancer accounts for 4 percent of all cancers among women and ranks fifth as a cause of their deaths from cancer, 70 percent of women with Ovarian Cancer are not diagnosed until the disease is advanced in stage (beyond stage III or IV), the 5 year survival rate of for these women is only 15-20 percent which means that 80 percent of women with Ovarian Cancer discovered in later stages do not live beyond 5 years of diagnose. Ovarian Cancer is difficult to detect, especially in early stages. Because the signs and symptoms of Ovarian Cancer have been described as vague and silent, only around 10 percent of Ovarian Cancer is detected in early stages, which gives them a 90 percent chance of surviving. Unfortunately, my mum was diagnosed at a much later stage (stage IV), she lost her battle after 4 1/2 years of bravely fighting it.

Which brings me to where I am today. A few months ago, I started surfing the internet again for more cancer websites. I wanted to learn more of the disease that took my mum away from me, and I wanted to see if there was any way I could help promote the awareness of this silent killer. One fine day in February 2003, I stumbled upon a little boy's website. He had leukemia and the website was dedicated to him. It was an online journal of his entire journey with cancer and his mum updated it regularly just to let everyone in on his progress. I was so amazed. This is where Caringbridge comes in. This little boy's website was sponsered by the Caringbridge system and I have never been so amazed in my life. It's a system which allows sick children and adults to share their journey with people from all over the world, especially their friends and family. It helps their family and friends stay updated on their progress as they battle cancer. And the best part (my favourite part) of Caringbridge is that it is one big family. They help each other, they encourage each other, they motivate each other, they emphatise with each other, they symphatise with each other, they lift each others spirits, but more importantly, they are there for each other and they love each other. Through this little boy's website, I came across several other kids with cancer who also had websites with Caringbridge. I read through all of their journals and I will honestly admit that it just broke my heart. The things that most of these children have been through is just...so heartbreaking. You would never want any child to have to go through what they do, but unfortunately that's what cancer does to everyone, even kids. And what's even more heartbreaking is that most of these kids are not even over the age of 6. So many of them are between the ages of 3 and 5...there are even babies who have cancer...and of course there are children who are older, between 9-14 years old. Whatever said, they are kids, and you would not believe the rollercoaster life they've had.

So, for a few months now, I have been involved with these kids...I check in on them everyday just to make sure that they're doing okay. Many of them have very rough days, they throw up everyday, have very high fevers and most of them have to take so many different types of medicines...upto 11 types each day! It may sound very depressing to some of you, but when these kids have good days...it really makes your heart smile. I love checking in on them and leaving them messages. All I really want is to put a smile on their faces when their days seem the darkest. And it's not just these kids that you're cheering up, it's their family too. It's really amazing how I've come to care so much about the kids and their families. All of them live in America and I've never met any of them, but yet...through their journeys, I learn so much about them and I learn so much from them. I feel like I can relate to them in so many ways. When my mum was sick, she had to go through endless rounds of chemo. She had her good days, she had her bad days. It was just a long bumpy road of good news and more bad news. I was there and I knew what it was like. I knew how it felt. So that's why these kids and their families mean a lot to me. Ever since I discovered Caringbridge and gotten to know these kids, I've seen a lot of them who've been in remission, who've stayed the same, and of course a lot of them who've earned their angel wings and gone to Heaven. All these kids are special in so many ways and the three things that bring constant hope to them and their families are that God is truly great, prayers do work and that miracles do happen. I ask that all of you say a special prayer whenever you can for all the sick children out there. There are a lot of them and they deserve every single prayer there is.

Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to become a paediatrician. Really. I have always loved kids and babies since I was little, and I just remember always wanting to babysit my little cousins or to play with them. From when I was about 5 till I was about 16, I knew that I just had to become a paediatrician. Nothing else. That was the only way I could be involved with kids everyday. Unfortunately, in high school, I just hated Chemistry, I wasn't doing well in it, it was bringing down my average and so I decided to drop Chemistry as a subject. Now, everyone knows that you need Chemistry to be a doctor, and so without Chemistry, I couldn't take medicine in university. I do regret it in some ways, but I'm also really enjoying my finance major at the moment so I'm not complaining too much. I'm sure I'll find some other way to do something involving kids (maybe have kids in the future???), but in the mean time, I'm happy with Caringbridge and the kids I know from there...they are just amazing. They are my inspiration and they just make me realise how lucky I am to be where I am today.

Love, JaNiCe
XOXO

Thanks again for checking in! Have a great weekend, keep safe, be happy, stay positive and keep fighting.

Lots of love,
Janice

**********SPECIAL PRAYER REQUESTS***********

Abbey- Little Abbey is due to have her transplant anytime soon. However, her liver functions still form a problem and this has set her transplant date back. I'm sure everyone knows just how important transplants are, so please pray for Abbey's liver functions to improve so that she can start her journey to healing sooner! Hang in there Stuart family, we love you!

Bailee- Please continue to pray for Bailee as she undergoes chemo AGAIN having relapsed just recently. She is having a tough time with treatment but of course in true Bailee style, is being a total trooper! Love you, sweet Bailee!

Jacob- Please say some extra prayers for Jake has his parents and doctors make some tough decisions. The doctors need to decide if Jake can have a bone marrow aspirate. Chemo right now is not an option for Jake and of course without chemo, a chance to cure AML once relapsed is not good. Please pray for Jake and his family!

Lakota- Having relapsed just recently, Lakota will now have her transplant on 25th May, so PLEASE say all the prayers you can for this little girl. Her family really needs all the support and encouragement right now...hang in there Lakota!

Katia- As many of you are following Katia's journey, keep up the great work with the prayers! Seems like the prayers are working very well and Katia is slowly improving...she still needs every prayer she can get but we all know what a little fighter this one is. Tracy & Katia, we love you!

Michael- Please continue to keep Michael in your prayers...he has been doing reasonably well but still needs lots of prayers. He will also be having another MRI sometime this month so pray for GREAT NEWS.

Sara Lee- Gorgeous Sara has been fighting an uphill battle for a long time now. If you go by her site you will find out exactly how long she has spent in hospital. And that is TOO long! Please continue to pray for this beautiful young woman, and we all hope she'll be able to go home soon. Keep fighting, Sara!!

Trey- Beautiful Trey is having a tough time with chemo at the moment. His family received some bad news last month with cancer around his body...please keep him in your prayers for a perfect healing and for his pain to stop.

Chris- Please pray for Chris as he begins treatment again after relapsing. Him and his family could use some words of support and encouragement so please drop by and say hi if you can. Keep fighting Chris!

Kelly- Beautiful Kelly is in need of some serious prayers as she has just been put back on the ventilator after the "other" monster called Pneumonia decided to return. She is now stable but still needs LOTS of prayers as you can imagine. Hang in there Kelly!!

Benjamin- As you would've heard of Benjamin's relapse last week, please continue to keep this gorgeous boy and his family in your prayers...his mum has not updated but the last we heard, he might've needed brain surgery. Please, please pray. Anne & Benjamin, we love you, don't give up!

Cameron- My heart is breaking for gorgeous Cam the Ham as he faces complications from tranplant. He is fighting with all his might right now, and his family could use some support and comfort...please keep them in your prayers. Cam the Ham, hang in there buddy, we love you!

Connor H.- I'm sure you would've all heard of dear Connor's relapse...of course, this extremely brave young boy took the news graciously and bravely. What a champ. Please keep him in your prayers for a miracle healing and for his pain to subside. We love you Rhonda, Eddie & Connor!

Becki- If you remember awhile back, this beautiful girl fought so hard to live (ventilator etc)...and now, she has to fight hard again... doctors say her lungs look worse than before. Please say some extra prayers for Becki and her family..she is not one to give up and will keep fighting as proven from the last time she was on the ventilator. Keep fighting, Becki!!!

Steve- Steve is now home on hospice. He has been in a lot of pain and has been very tired lately...looks like he is starting to grow his angel wings, so PLEASE go by his site and offer some words of love and support to his wife and children. He is also trying to make video messages for his kids but is just too tired, so pray for him to be granted the energy to make those videos...hang in there Steve & Renate! We love you!

Of course there are a ton of others on Caringbridge who need your daily prayers. Thank you ALL for praying and for caring...it is these downs (and ups) that make Caringbridge the place that it is. Your support means so much so feel free to spread all the love and give all your support to those who need it the most...

Here are some new friends I discovered (will be added to the table below soon)...

Ashley & Ryan
Alex- If you can, please leave a note or two for Alex as he is feeling very down and sad right now and also hurting alot. Keep strong, Alex! We love you..
Blake
Baby Jacob
Benny
Courtney
Hailey
Angel Jacob R.
Joey
Katja
Kayleigh
Lauren
Michelle
Zachary G.
Dillion
Janelle
Sara W.
Christopher
Olivia

Saturday, May 15, 2004

*~*Monday, May 17*~*~

Hi guys!

I didn't wanna get rid of the journal below coz I've got all the links up and I just wanna make sure everyone knew the special prayer requests and so forth...I'll keep them up just for a little longer ie: till I have time to add them to the table below. So... PLEASE VISIT those links if you can :)

Another weekend gone...I still think we should have a 3 day weekend since we have always known to work 5 days a week. So why not make it a 3 day weekend and 4 day working week? Isn't that fair? I think that is totally fair. Enough whinging. My feet totally killed today...the best thing about new shoes, they look all new and pretty. Worst thing about new shoes, they kill your feet and hurt like hell for about a week before you can even start walking in them without bandaids and blisters. Ah well...girls will be girls and girls will do anything for new shoes!!

Okay, here's something freaky I found out at work... there are about 12 or so people in my team at work (we all work in different teams) and within that one team, I am probably closest to this guy called Steve and this other girl called Ermarie. Now Steve and Ermarie are both in their early 30's. And when I first met Steve, we probably hit it off really well as friends and we've talked about a lot of things...and one of the very first few things I learnt about him was that he lost his dad to cancer when he was 21. Of course I totally felt for him and emphatised as I lost my mum to cancer when I was 21. Now, a couple of weeks ago, Ermarie and I got talking, I hadn't told her about the loss of my mum, but she told me that she lost her dad to brain cancer when she was 21. By this time I was totally freaked out. Well, not TOTALLY but KINDA freaked out. We are the 3 closest people on the team...we talk to each other the most whenever we work, we have lunch together and yet we've all found out in different times that we've lost a parent each to cancer when we were all 21. And we all get along great. Is that a coincidence??? I don't know if it's "fate" that the 3 of us were meant to meet and be close friends...or if it's just a total coincidence...but deep down, I think there was some sort of force behind it all that we were meant to meet. I think so anyway.

Well, that's really all what I wanted to say for tonight...it's been on my mind! I'm the sorta person who gets thinking on things like fate, destiny, that sorta stuff. As always, thanks for checking in and thanks for all your messages in the guestbook... reading them is probably one of my many highlights of the day...

Lots of love to ya'll!
Janice

Hi everyone!

The weekend's here! What a relief...today was a beautiful day in Melbourne. It was nice and sunny and get this, I could go outside without a jumper on! Now that's the kinda weather I like :) Who says winter's nearly here? Knowing my luck, I just jinxed the weather and it'll hail tomorrow. Anyways, I managed to clean my entire apartment today so it feels good to be in a freshly cleaned apartment. I also managed to get two new pairs of shoes for work and casual outings! It was a total bargain. Don't you love that feeling when you walk out of a store and you know you had the best bargain ever...well I do.

There's not too much to report over this side... Karen & Dean came over for dinner last night after work. I made a pasta bake, nice and easy. Adrian has been extremely busy with uni and assignments and he also has exams coming up next month, so please keep him in your prayers. His course (engineering) is very tough, demanding and time consuming.

Well I'll have to love ya and leave ya but before I do that, I would like to make some announcements, prayer requests, the whole lot!

First of all, please don't forget our beautiful angels who recently got their wings...sweet incredible Maddie and gorgeous Baby Alexis. Two beautiful lives lost, but forever remembered. If you go to Maddie's site, you'll see that her grampa Al is on a special mission for Maddie. He is writing "her story" and would like all of you who've been touched, inspired, change by her incredible charm and grace to share your story of Maddie to him. Anything that Maddie shared with you or vice versa, he would love to know so that he can incorporate it all to form "Maddie's Story". What a wonderful thing to do!

Also, I have a very long list of prayer requests to make...

Abbey- Little Abbey is due to have her transplant anytime soon. However, her liver functions still form a problem and this has set her transplant date back. I'm sure everyone knows just how important transplants are, so please pray for Abbey's liver functions to improve so that she can start her journey to healing sooner! Hang in there Stuart family, we love you!

Bailee- Please continue to pray for Bailee as she undergoes chemo AGAIN having relapsed just recently. She is having a tough time with treatment but of course in true Bailee style, is being a total trooper! Love you, sweet Bailee!

Jacob- Please say some extra prayers for Jake has his parents and doctors make some tough decisions. The doctors need to decide if Jake can have a bone marrow aspirate. Chemo right now is not an option for Jake and of course without chemo, a chance to cure AML once relapsed is not good. Please pray for Jake and his family!

Lakota- Having relapsed just recently, Lakota will now have her transplant on 25th May, so PLEASE say all the prayers you can for this little girl. Her family really needs all the support and encouragement right now...hang in there Lakota!

Katia- As many of you are following Katia's journey, keep up the great work with the prayers! Seems like the prayers are working very well and Katia is slowly improving...she still needs every prayer she can get but we all know what a little fighter this one is. Tracy & Katia, we love you!

Michael- Please continue to keep Michael in your prayers...he has been doing reasonably well but still needs lots of prayers. He will also be having another MRI sometime this month so pray for GREAT NEWS.

Sara Lee- Gorgeous Sara has been fighting an uphill battle for a long time now. If you go by her site you will find out exactly how long she has spent in hospital. And that is TOO long! Please continue to pray for this beautiful young woman, and we all hope she'll be able to go home soon. Keep fighting, Sara!!

Trey- Beautiful Trey is having a tough time with chemo at the moment. His family received some bad news last month with cancer around his body...please keep him in your prayers for a perfect healing and for his pain to stop.

Chris- Please pray for Chris as he begins treatment again after relapsing. Him and his family could use some words of support and encouragement so please drop by and say hi if you can. Keep fighting Chris!

Kelly- Beautiful Kelly is in need of some serious prayers as she has just been put back on the ventilator after the "other" monster called Pneumonia decided to return. She is now stable but still needs LOTS of prayers as you can imagine. Hang in there Kelly!!

Benjamin- As you would've heard of Benjamin's relapse last week, please continue to keep this gorgeous boy and his family in your prayers...his mum has not updated but the last we heard, he might've needed brain surgery. Please, please pray. Anne & Benjamin, we love you, don't give up!

Cameron- My heart is breaking for gorgeous Cam the Ham as he faces complications from tranplant. He is fighting with all his might right now, and his family could use some support and comfort...please keep them in your prayers. Cam the Ham, hang in there buddy, we love you!

Connor H.- I'm sure you would've all heard of dear Connor's relapse...of course, this extremely brave young boy took the news graciously and bravely. What a champ. Please keep him in your prayers for a miracle healing and for his pain to subside. We love you Rhonda, Eddie & Connor!

Becki- If you remember awhile back, this beautiful girl fought so hard to live (ventilator etc)...and now, she has to fight hard again... doctors say her lungs look worse than before. Please say some extra prayers for Becki and her family..she is not one to give up and will keep fighting as proven from the last time she was on the ventilator. Keep fighting, Becki!!!

Steve- Steve is now home on hospice. He has been in a lot of pain and has been very tired lately...looks like he is starting to grow his angel wings, so PLEASE go by his site and offer some words of love and support to his wife and children. He is also trying to make video messages for his kids but is just too tired, so pray for him to be granted the energy to make those videos...hang in there Steve & Renate! We love you!

Of course there are a ton of others on Caringbridge who need your daily prayers. Thank you ALL for praying and for caring...it is these downs (and ups) that make Caringbridge the place that it is. Your support means so much so feel free to spread all the love and give all your support to those who need it the most...

Not sure if you've noticed but there is now a table below with links to several kids and adults. They are the ones I check on regularly and don't think they're all there is! There are lots more to come so stay tuned...and now, here are some new friends I discovered (will be added to the table below soon)...

Ashley & Ryan
Alex- If you can, please leave a note or two for Alex as he is feeling very down and sad right now and also hurting alot. Keep strong, Alex! We love you..
Blake
Baby Jacob
Benny
Courtney
Hailey
Angel Jacob R.
Joey
Katja
Kayleigh
Lauren
Michelle
Zachary G.
Dillion
Janelle
Sara W.
Christopher
Olivia

And what better way to end this journal with announcements of a couple of new arrivals! Zachary Doctor is now a BIG brother to gorgeous Meghan! WELCOME, MEGHAN! Congratulations, Dana, Stuart, Kyle & Zackie! And also, Jacob Beresh is now a BIG brother to beautiful Benjamin! WELCOME, BENJAMIN and huge congratulations to Kellie, Steve, Brandon & Jakie! What joy it is to have new life come into this world as we go through the pain of losing little ones to Heaven...

Have a wonderful and safe weekend! Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Monday, May 10, 2004

~*~*~*PRAYER REQUEST*~*~*~

Wed May 12th:

Today, please say an extra prayer or two for Connor as he will be told the bad news of his relapse. His parents are absolutely devastated with this latest news, so please think of them, pray for them and just hope for a miracle. Connor has been fighting (and done an excellent job I might add!) for a long time and he deserves nothing less than a perfect healing. Rhonda, Eddie and Connor, we are praying endlessly for you and we love you!

Thank you all for your prayers...

Hi ya'll,

I really only wanted to update tonight to wish all mother's out there a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I hope you were all spoilt rotten and that your day was filled with nothing but love, happiness, blessings, miracles and most importantly your family. Yesterday would've been a hard day for many here on Caringbridge...mother's who have recently lost their angels, those who are experiencing their first mother's day without their babies next to them...even children in this world whom are motherless. It is just as hard not to have your mother with you as it is for a mother not to have their child with them on Mother's Day. It is all so difficult. I just want you to know that I thought of all of you yesterday...I can't remember where I heard the saying once...that, anyone can be a father, but not everyone can be a daddy. And I feel the same goes for mothers...anyone can be a mother, but not everyone can be a mommy. There's a world of difference.

So what did I do this past Mother's Day weekend... I promised myself that I would not cry this weekend, and that there would be no tears. Strictly no tears. But OF COURSE, Janice being Janice, there had to be SOME tears. Not much, but some. On Saturday night, Marcus and I were discussing Mother's Day and where we would take his mum out to brunch and what he was going to give her as a Mother's Day gift. He then went on to say that with us talking about plans on how to celebrate Mother's Day with his mother, it doesn't mean that he doesn't feel my loss. He was there for me, he knew it would be a hard day. I couldn't help but also get the picture that maybe a little part of him felt guilty that he had his mother to celebrate Mother's Day with. I assured him that there was no reason WHATSOEVER for him to feel any guilt. In all honesty, I am so extremely happy that he had a reason to celebrate Mother's Day. I look at him and his mother and it makes me smile to know that they have the best mother and son relationship. They're very close and the love between them is always so evident. There have been many times that I've felt maybe an ounce of jealousy of the relationship that they have but never once have I ever wished that he didn't have it just because I didn't. And that would never happen because I would never wish on anyone to have their relationship with their mother cut short. Anyway, so of course I got teary eyed when Marcus told me that he knew it would be a hard day for me etc etc because the truth was, it was going to be a hard day.

The second time I had tears was when my Aunty Janet rang to tell me she was thinking of me on Mother's Day. How could I not tear up...she was one of my mum's closes sister, and she was right by my mother's side in the last 2 weeks of her life, holding her, praying for her...and she was right there when mum took her last breath. I cannot even begin to you just how much it meant to my family especially to me, that Aunty Janet was there during those last weeks. She brought such comfort to my family, I don't know what we would've done if she wasn't there... Aunty Janet, I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day... and I hope you know just how much Karen, Adrian and I love you.

Other than that, I handled Mother's Day pretty well...Marcus and I took his mum (and dad) to breakfast/brunch. Karen and Dean just spent time with Dean's mum, grandma and family. Adrian and I were meant to go too, but we decided to just let them have their family time together.

Well it's getting late...please, please say lots of extra prayers for the kids on Caringbridge...it has been very sad off late with news of relapses and children growing their angel wings. I am on a mission to slightly re-vamp this website which includes adding a whole bunch of kids to my prayers list...so hopefully time will be on my side in the next week or so. In the mean time, have a great week! Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Wednesday, May 5, 2004

~Update May 8th~

Dearest mum,
Twenty months since you left...some days it feels like 20 minutes, some days it feels like 20 days...but today it seems like 20 years. I feel like I haven't seen your face, spoken to you, held you in 20 years! It seems so long ago. Maybe it just reflects how much I've missed...this weekend has started out a little difficult, tomorrow being Mother's Day and all...but just over 10 minutes ago, when I decided to come online to journal I felt this sense of calm come over me...I know it was you telling me in your own heavenly way that everything's okay and that you're okay. The past 20 months, it has always been at the back of my mind wondering if you really knew that we loved you with all of our hearts and tried our very best to keep you here with us...I think today, I got my answer. Thank you mum. I love you and I can't wait to see you. For 26 years, you were the best mother to Karen, Adrian and me. The best anyone could have ever asked for and hoped for and nothing will change that. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY in Heaven, we miss you..

Love, hugs and kisses to the Heavens,
Janice

May 7th- Later post

I have just found out that we also lost little Alexis on April 24th. Please go by her website and offer her family some words of love and support as they grief the loss of their precious baby...rest in peace, Alexis.. you really were one tough baby...

*~*~UPDATE: 7TH May~*~*

It is with extreme sadness that I tell you we have lost the most inspiring, courageous, incredible Maddie. I am in deep shock and grief to learn of her passing. There is no update (yet) on her website but the guestbook messages say it all...I'm sure most of you know Maddie. She was simply amazing. And if you haven't had the chance to get to know her in her short life, go by her website and read her past journals... she was a young woman with the biggest of hearts. She fought bravely and is now finally free of this monster. Please lift her family up in prayers as they go through this most difficult time. We will never forget you Maddie!

Also, sadly, Benjamin has just relapsed. This little champ has been doing fantastic for so long...please keep him and his family in your prayers. Hang in there Benjamin, we love you!

Hi guys!

Lo and Behold the computer's FIXED! I don't know what Adrian did but it's all fixed and that's all that matters.. funny how the one week that I had a whole heap to do online a virus decides to eat the crap out of the computer. Lucky all's well again and I get to go round the guestbooks :)

FINALLY, tomorrow night Karen, Dean, Marcus and I are gonna watch Kill Bill 2. It came out nearly 2 weeks ago and we've been trying to organise a time for all of us to go watch it. Turns out tomorrow will be the night! Can't wait.

Mother's Day on Sunday...you know what's weird. I had to ask Marcus when Mother's Day was. It was actually a few days ago that I asked him... it's not that I DON'T know when Mother's Day is...c'mon I had a mother for 21 years (still do spritually). Last year was different...last year, I noticed EVERYTHING around me the weeks leading up to Mother's Day...everything suddenly looked pink or red. Everytime I turned on the TV an ad would come on for an "idea" of what to get mum on Mother's Day. The radio, shopping centres, mail catalogues, magazines. Well, this year's different...I don't listen to the radio that much anymore, I hardly go to shopping centres, I don't seem to be getting many mail catalogues anymore and I hardly buy magazines now. But there's still the TV...and everyone knows I watch TV and nothing else. But this year, when an ad comes on advertising something or anything for Mother's Day I just kinda flip the channel... so anyway, learnt that Mother's Day is this Sunday... my gift to my mum this year is to just make the most of what I can right now... make the most of my life right now. And that is trying my hardest to get the job that I want. That's the serious part. And for the not so serious part...just have fun and do the things that I love doing. And things that I've never done before. I think she'd like that- although if she were here today and I told her I'd be learning to snowboard for the first time this snow season, she'd be freaking out and praying to God I won't break a bone. Don't worry, that's exactly how I feel too, mum :)

I don't know if I'll have time to update over the weekend, but this Saturday the 8th of May will be 20 months since my mum went to Heaven. On Saturday, look up to the blue skies and smile a little smile for her...she's happy where she is. And it's where she belongs. The one place she had been longing (although scared her) to be for a long time.. oh Heaven is so lucky to have you, mum. I love you and miss you.

Love, Janice

Monday, May 3, 2004 9:21 PM CDT

Hi guys,

I know it's been over a week since I last wrote. But something's wrong with my computer...even now, I have to type in a real hurry. After a few minutes or so, the computer shuts itself down and restarts and I lose everything...which is what happened about 2 minutes ago when I wrote an entire update!!!! Oh so very frustrating..

This is making it hard to go around the guestbooks...please know that you all remain in my prayers as always. And on a sad note, we lost dear Savannah on the weekend. Please go by her site and offer some love and support to her devastated family. Savannah fought a long and hard battle and she won it. She is now where she has wanted to be for a long time. Rest in peace, beautiful girl.

Well before this THING starts to shut itself down again, I better get going...I have been a little out of touch with Caringbridge lately. But I promise I'll be back...I'm also trying to look around for jobs and getting my resume all ready to dazzle everyone out there...so wish me luck!!

Thank you ALL for coming by and for your prayers...

Love, Janice

Monday, April 26, 2004

Hi guys!

Sorry for letting so many days go by without an update... I find it harder to get on the computer on weekends.. and I haven't had too much to report anyway :)

I can't believe it's nearly May...and I CAN'T believe winter is nearly here :( Brrrr. Melbourne has been WET and COLD since Friday morning...which probably means I should start pulling out all my winter clothes from the back of my closet. Or maybe get a whole new winter wardrobe?? I wish..

On Friday, Karen, Dean, Adrian, Marcus & I were all meant to go watch Kill Bill 2 but we didn't end up doing that as Dean had a last minute work function to go to...so Karen, Marcus & I just went out to dinner around the corner. Adrian has been busy at uni with his assignments/projects and what not...

Our cousin Deborah also came down to Melbourne for the weekend from Gippsland...so Aunty Janet & Uncle Trevor invited us all to lunch on Saturday. And we had a DELICIOUS home cook meal!!! And when I say home cooked I mean home cooked Malaysian style :) Thanks Aunty Janet for your very delish lunch!!

The rest of the weekend was just pretty laid back and relaxing...watched a couple of movies here and there.

Work has been going pretty good for me...we were extremely busy at one stage (had to go without lunch breaks) but now it is starting to slow down to a more manageable pace.. just the way I like it :) I'm hoping to stay there a little longer and hopefully I'll hear something about my permanent residency soon too...

Okay, sorry to bore everyone with this update..I know, my life hasn't been very eventful lately! I blame it on winter. Everything seems to slow down when it gets cold and the days seem gloomier. Marcus and I are trying to book our dates to go up to the snow this season.. and we're going camping too!! WOOHOO. My first camping experience ever! Well technically it's my second...I went camping with the girl guides in primary school but that doesn't count...so really, it's my FIRST. No showers, no toilets, no beds...nothing. And it's also on Queen's birthday weekend in June so it'll be freezing I can guarantee you that. CAN'T WAIT! I can't believe how excited I am...seeing that I've never been the out-doorsy kinda person :)

Happy Monday to everyone...and don't forget to keep the little ones in your prayers...thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Hi everyone,

Hope you've all had a good start to the week. Today is my best friend, Sharon's 22nd birthday. She lives in KL so we're thousands of miles apart. Friendships are great aren't they...you could be thousands and thousands of miles apart for more than a year at a time and still when you finally do see each other again, it's like you've never been apart for more than 5 minutes. I've known Sharon since we were 13...she became my best friend when we were 15...that's 10 years of friendship.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHARON!! I miss you LOTS. I miss the things we do together and everything that we talk about!! See you soon!!

Anyway I just wanted to update tonight about the "what-would-be" 21st birthday last Saturday night. I'm gonna try and make as "happy" and "upbeat" as possible...and try and not get TOO emotional :) Hey, I said I'll try! You're dealing with a person who cried in the first 5 minutes of Finding Nemo.. hehe.

Okay, so Sarah's 21st last Saturday was filled with mixed emotions. Sarah was her name...I don't think I mentioned her name in my other journals. She would've been 21 last Saturday. The party actually turned out really great.. everyone was there to celebrate the life of this really beautiful, wonderful person that was once with us here. Unfortunately, I never had the chance to meet her. I went to that party feeling a little nervous...I wasn't sure what to expect. I hadn't met her before and of course had never met her family. I didn't know if the party would turn out to be one huge sad gathering or if everyone would just party on and pretend that we weren't there to celebrate someone who died of cancer and that everything was "normal".

Marcus is pretty close to Sarah's family. When I walked into their house that night...Steve and Mary (Sarah's parents) were there to greet me with open arms. They are amazing people. The house was filled with their closest family and all of Sarah's closest friends. I saw pictures of her everywhere...pictures on the fridge and on the wall...Sarah as a baby, Sarah as a normal kid, Sarah as a teenager with cancer. I felt like I knew her. And yet I guess you could say I do know her to some extent... Marcus talks about her...the things they all used to get upto. What her last months were like, what here funeral was like etc. So I felt like I did know her in the past.

Throughout the night all of us continued to have a great time...we were all just talking and having a drink. Then it was time for the speeches... Sarah's dad Steve, and her best friend Hayley gave the speeches. Me, I was standing in the crowd, bawling my eyes out. It was emotional. Standing there, I looked at Steve...here was this big tough guy who lost his daughter to a MONSTER...he was trying so hard to hold his tears back. I could tell. Through every single word that he uttered I could sense and feel his pain. He didn't stutter, he didn't falter but I could tell that it took his every breath just to say those words. Then there was Hayley's speech...I cried even more. Sarah and Hayley were best friends. You could tell. It took every ounce of her to try and not breakdown into uncontrollable sobs...I don't know how both Steve and Hayley did it. But if I was up there speaking in memory of my mother...I would've cracked. I would've broken down and my knees would've given way under my heavy heart and I would've fallen in a heap to the ground.

After the speeches, every single person at the party had a shot of "cowboys" in memory of Sarah. That girl loved to party. And so we were partying for her. After awhile, I could sense myself getting withdrawn from the crowd around me...I went for a walk by myself down the street. In the dark, in the middle of the night...BAD IDEA, don't do it! As I walked down their driveway out onto the street, I just started to think of EVERYTHING..and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING that has happened since my mum's death and everything that her death meant to me and has done to me. Before I knew it I was in tears... of course by that time, Marcus came running after me. He said "don't walk away from me- you scared me"...I didn't remember walking away from him. I remember just needing to get out of there, to be alone and clear my head. So we ended up talking out on the street...I was in tears...and I was so confused. What was I crying for? Who was I crying for? Sarah? Her family? My mum? My family? Or all of us?

I know the week before that party, I hadn't been myself 100 percent..I had been a little moody, a little down.. and I think Sarah's party just triggered it all. Being involved with Caringbridge, I see families deal with loss every single day...but being there at Sarah's party, seeing her family...it was the first time since my mother's death that I've seen another family in the flesh lose the one that they love. I saw their hurt, their pain, I could feel it just walking around the house...and I felt like I was looking at myself, my own family and our hurt and pain.

Steve, Mary and Jess (Sarah's sister) are amazing people. The one thing that kept running through my head that entire night was that I thought they were so extremely and incredibly brave and generous to let us all in their home, to celebrate what would've been their daughter's 21st birthday. They met me for the first time and they greeted me with open arms, a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I don't know how they did it but they did. Seeing Sarah's friends all around and knowing that Sarah could've been there, imagining what she would've been like if given the chance to grow into a beautiful young woman.

So that was Saturday night. All in all, it was really a great celebration...one not to be forgotten.

Okay without trying to be too abrupt, I have to get off the internet now as Adrian needs to use the phone... please continue to pray for all our Caringbridge children. Thanks for checking in!!

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, April 19, 2004

Hi guys,

Another Monday...it was so hard to get out of bed this morning. I think I'm starting to lose the touch of waking up early...I finally got used to it and now it's gone! I used to be able to get to work by 8am...now, I'm lucky if I'm out of bed by 8am. Hehe. I usually make it to work by 8.45. And it's not like I've been staying up late either.. I guess it's true, like my mother always said, I was born a night owl.

The past couple of weeks have been strangely emotional and overwhelming for me...my mother plays such a large part in all that I feel. Nearly everything I feel all relates back to her. I don't know if this is my way of dealing with her death or if it's just me being emotional over nothing.. it's so hard to say. Somtimes I feel myself getting emotional but I cannot for the life of me pinpoint exactly what it is that I'm getting emotional over...is it because I'm tired after work? Is it because something didn't go my way? It is because one of my friends cancelled on lunch? Is it because I had no time to do the laundry and now there's tons of it to do? What is it?? I have given so much thought to my feelings over the last week or so...as to why sometimes things just feel so unbearable...I feel like I'm making excuses for myself...but the truth is, the excuses are real.

And the excuses are I'm at the point in my life where I want things to go exactly the way I want them to, but they're not...I have a temporary job, it's brings money in which is always good, but I still don't know exactly what it is I wanna do...where does my passion lie? What job is going to satisfy me 100 hundred percent, that I'm going to love to go to every single day for the rest of my life. I don't know that yet...and I feel like I should know it, but I don't. My other excuse would be FEAR. Personally, I think that the 2 biggest enemies anyone can have is money and fear. Fear is also the biggest disability anyone can have. It holds you back. My 2 biggest fears in life- losing the people I love, and never finding the person I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life. The first one I've experienced, the second, I'm still in the process of it all. Ever since my mum died, my fear of losing the people closest to me has increased immensely. I'm scared that my family will fall apart. I'm scared that I will lose friends in this grieving process. How can they possibly understand what I'm going through when they each all have their mothers healthy and happy with them. When I'm emotional, I tend to socialise less and I'm scared they aren't able to understand why sometimes I need to be alone. I'm scared that I will lose Marcus. But I'm scared that with him being so openly there for me, my emotions would eventually be a burden to him and that would drive him away. Although he reassures me time and again that it won't be the case. I never ever want to let my grief be a burden to anyone else. And I hope it never does. I guess I just can't guarantee when it will all be "okay"...when exactly are you "okay" after someone you love dies?

The "what-would-be" 21st birthday (please refer to my last journal if you're lost!) on Saturday was filled with mixed emotions...I have a lot to say about that night but I'll keep it for my next journal. As for now I have to go start on dinner...

I have always considered this website as part of my diary that I've always had since I was about 13 to when I was 18. I find it so extremely therapeutic and a great way to vent my emotions...I wish I could say I could write every single thought and emotion I feel on here but I guess some thoughts and emotion are always better left where they belong- in your head. Nonetheless, all that I write in these journals are nothing less than honest and sincere. Some of what I write are my deepest thoughts and feelings, especially so much of what I write on grieving.. and I thank you all for coming by and taking an interest to what I have to say..

Love, Janice

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Hi everyone!

First of all, I wanna thank everyone for continuing to check in on me and following the kids' links on my page.. it is great to know that I am helping people get connected with different kids who need prayers. It has always been my goal and objective right from the start when I started this Caringbridge page in memory of my mother that I help spread the love, support and encouragement to as many children as possible, to link whomever visits this page to other ill children with websites. So thank you all who take time out to go to their sites!

Yesterday, a friend (who knows about this site) asked how would someone who had no idea about Caringbridge come across Caringbridge. I told him you either had to be someone with cancer or a family or friend with someone with cancer. I told him, although my mother had cancer, it wasn't that that brought me directly to Caringbridge. It was totally by chance that I stumbled upon Caringbridge.. it was all because of the certain clicks on the mouse that I made one particular night that led me to this amazing network. Next month would be exactly one year this website has been running, dedicated to my mother. I keep wondering if my life would be the same had I not found Caringbridge. I don't think so. I have a huge urge inside of me to spread the word of Caringbridge to families in Australia hit by cancer. Especially kids. I don't know how to go about it yet but I'm thinking of a way...I might have some ideas but we'll see how it all turns out.

Well, Wednesday (April 14th) was Karen's 28th birthday!! Adrian and I had lunch with her on our lunch breaks...we had curry of course. We haven't given her her present yet. She's having a little party at the Belgian Cafe tomorrow afternoon so we'll give it to her then...

Not much else to report over here... Adrian is still on Easter Break, but he's back to uni on Monday. And what better way to welcome them back to the semester than to have a TEST. Haha.

Tonight, Marcus and I are going to a 21st birthday party. It is actually a "what-would-be" 21st. Marcus had a friend who died of cancer 3 years ago. She was only 18. This weekend would've been her 21st birthday so her parents are having a party for her...I think it's a great idea. I told another friend about this what would be 21st party and he told me that if he were the parents whose child had died, he wouldn't do anything like that. I guess everyone's different and would handle things differently. For me, personally, I would totally have a party in honour of what would've been her 21st birthday. I don't have anything against it. I'm the sort of person that would want to keep every memory alive for the person we've lost...do things to honour them...do things to celebrate what they would celebrate if they here... anyway, that's just what I think :)

Okay, I gotta go hang out the laundry..Thank you for all your messages in the guestbook...I still see many new mum's (and dads) coming by with their children's links whom I've never visited. Keep them coming! It sucks to know there are MORE kids fighting this monster, but if I we can all help pray for them and encourage them through those links...it makes life just a wee bit easier for the family. Keep them coming!!

Have a great weekend!!

Lots of love,
Janice

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Hi everyone,

I hope you've all had a great Easter. I'm proud to say I did not have ANY chocolate at all this Easter...thanks to a toothache. And I'm not just talking some pissy-need-a-filling toothache...it REALLY hurts!!! I don't know..I think it could be my wisdom tooth. But who knows. The last time I had a wisdom tooth out, I was in pain for a week. Don't know if I can go through that again. The right side of my mouth has been hurting since Thursday.. it got progressively worse during the weekend.. which made my long weekend just a little miserable...but it seems to be getting a little better now. (touch wood, I don't wanna jinx it!). Well I guess it's all good.. bad toothache, no chocolates, no diet! :)

So here's what I did over Easter...Good Friday we went over to Karen & Dean's for dinner. It was actually quite funny...Karen was going to cook us all dinner...I got a call from her Friday morning and she said she forgot the supermarkets were closed. Nothing is ever open on Good Friday. Lucky she had some left over burgers and sausages from the BBQ so we cooked that up... good enough. It was yummy. So we had dinner..then we partied the night away at the dining table, just the five of us (Marcus too) and a deck of cards. We played poker, 500 and Black Jack from about 8.30pm to 2am. It was fun. It was ridiculous. I was ready to go home to bed! Dean insisted we played on.. and on and on. I must've said "this is gonna be the LAST game, DEAN!" about 20 times...all in all it was fun :)

Saturday, I had my first IMAX experience..it was awesome!! It's the biggest screen in the world...something like 8 storeys high and 2 buses long...it was BIG. Marcus and I watched "Titanic".. the documentary, not the movie. Very cool...everything was 3D...I felt like I could reach out and touch the shipwreck. It was quite amazing.

The rest of the weekend was pretty much spent relaxing and not doing too much else...my sore tooth didn't put me in the mood to do much. I know I should go see the dentist but...we'll see.

Tomorrow is Karen's 28th birthday!!! We'll be celebrating it on the weekend...since it's a work day and all. I still can't believe she's that "old"..hehe. I keep telling her she's nearly 30!

Oh before I forget, the Good Friday Appeal went awesome!!! The State of Victoria raised a staggering, record-breaking...get ready for it...$10,057,537!!!!. WOOHOO! That is SOME EFFORT. THANK YOU everyone who donated!! The money of course goes to the Royal Children's Hospital here in Melbourne, all for the state's sickest children.

And today it was back to work...I hope you all have a great start to the week. Keep those prayers going for our little ones!

Thank you for checking in!

Janice

Thursday, April 8, 2004

~*~*~*~*~*CONGRATULATIONS COLE FAMILY!!!!*~*~*~*~*~*
Baby Colton James Cole has finally arrived! He is now a beautiful, gorgeous son to Jack & Laura, and cuddly little baby brother to Cameron and Angel Colby...I am SO HAPPY for the Cole family. Baby Colton is an extreme blessing for the Cole family having lost Colby in June last year. Please go by Angel Colby's site to say hello to baby Colton! We are eagerly awaiting an update and photos! :) CONGRATULATIONS, Jack & Laura!

Colby, thank you for your baby brother. We love and miss you, little guy! You're always in my heart...

*************************************

Hi guys,

Sorry it's been a few days since my last update...I get the computer today coz NO ONE is home! Adrian is at a friend's house and dad left to go home to KL this afternoon. He wasn't meant to leave till Sunday, but he changed his ticket again and left this afternoon...he is probably touching down in KL as I type this. I hope he had a safe flight. It's been hard for him to be here...there is not much to keep him entertained and also there are a ton of memories of mum. I can't imagine how it must be for him, as all his past trips to Melbourne have always had mum by his side...until she passed away of course.

I wasn't going to update today but I thought I would anyway...two reasons- one, because today has been 19 months since I last saw and touched my mother. I'm feeling okay but I laid in bed last night thinking about her for a long time...I literally said out loud "please come to me in my dreams, mum" as I haven't dreamt of her in awhile (I used to have recurring dreams of her)...well the next thing I know, it was morning...I don't remember falling asleep and I didn't dream of her..maybe tonight.

Happy 19 months in Heaven, mum. I hope you're happy there. I know you are...EVERYTHING beats being here with cancer. We all can't wait to see you again! If you were right here this minute, I would tell you that I need you to stay and that I love you. And that I'm worried about dad. But more than anything, I wish the past 19 months have been a nightmare that I would wake up from. I wonder if you can tell from Heaven how much I need you...how much my heart cries out for you deep insde. Even though no one can see it on the outside.

I'm having one of those days again today...well not so much today, it only just started tonight...I guess it's mainly coz I'm alone, no one is here tonight. Anyway I feel like I just wanna sit down and cry about everything that has happened to my family with mum being gone and everything. I know I have choices...to just wallow in self pity (not sure if it's so much self pity) on why it had to happen to ME..why it had to happen to MY FAMILY. Or I could just snap out of it and think that she's in a better place, she's gone, there's nothing you can do about it...moving on doesn't mean forgetting. I have those choices...but right now, I feel like I WANT TO pick the first. I don't care. It IS unfair. My life is NOT the same without her. I can think of a hundred zillion reasons how my life would be so much better if she were still here...and maybe just one that would make my life harder if she were here...and that is she wouldn't let me sleep in on Saturdays. And well that's not really such a bad thing anyway.

I just miss you mum.

Okay, now that it's all out (most of it anyway), I feel a little better... second reason why I wanted to update is because it is Good Friday tomorrow and then Easter. If you're in Australia, you will know about the The Royal Children's Hospital Good Friday Appeal that we have every year for the children...all money raised will go to the Royal Children's Hospital here in Melbourne which happens to be one of the best children's hospitals in the world. Please consider making a donation...you can ring 03-92921166 or send a cheque or money order to:

Good Friday Appeal
PO Box 14744
Melbourne City MC, 8001

It's not too late!!

If you'd like to know more about this special fundraising activity just click on the link above. Even if you have just 50 cents or a dollar to donate, that is good enough! It is for such a good cause...the children. For those of you out there in Australia, especially Melbourne, you don't need to have your kids in the hospital now just to make a donation...maybe one day in the future your kids may need for whatever reason (touch wood) be in the hospital..or maybe your kids in the past have had to be admitted...it's all for the future and our children's future. Do it for the kids :) And THANK YOU! The kids say THANK YOU too!

Well I really only wanted to update because of those two reasons...it's a long weekend (Good Friday and Easter Monday off) for us so I'm really looking forward to just relaxing. Not to mention trying to resist chowing down chocolates. I don't think you wanna know how much chocolate I've gotten in the past week leading up to Easter...and they are all from work. I have so many easter eggs. It's all about self control this weekend!!!

Please remember our special battlers here at Caringbridge this Easter weekend...and also all battlers around the world fighting. Don't take anything or anyone for granted. Enjoy yourself, enjoy life...relax...leave your work at work. Leave all your worries and problems behind...even if it's just for this weekend. Have a good time, be safe, be happy...love your life. That's the least you can do for the children...

Thanks everyone for your lovely messages! And for taking time out of your day to check in... HAPPY EASTER!!

Lots of easter love,
Janice

Sunday, April 4, 2004

HELLO!!!

I just won 19 million dollars!! TATTSLOTTO!!! America, here I come! Bahamas here I come!!

Okay well, no, I didn't exactly win 19 million dollars.. that was what I was gonna write if I DID win...but I didn't. Dad, Adrian and I went to get a ticket yesterday and we picked our own numbers and everything...you know, birthdays, car plates, house numbers, etc etc...but no luck. Oh well next time I guess. Sorry to get everyone so excited :)

I just got home from dropping dad off at his friend's house... him and about 9 other people are going on a golf trip to Geelong...they were going to leave this morning and come home Tuesday evening. Some golf trip that is! I can't imagine playing golf 3 days in a row...not that I play golf or anything...anyway dad will have fun, he loves his golf.

Well not much to report over here... the weekend has been pretty quiet...Friday night I went out to the movies and dinner with the girls. Yesterday, Marcus and I walked around Albert Park Lake (where the grand prix is held every year)..it's a 5km circuit...my exercise for the week! Hehe! It was a really nice day..cool and windy.. good walking weather. Then we went out to dinner and a movie...we watched "Thirteen"...have you seen that movie?? I walked out of it with ideas of handcuffing my future kids to their beds and not letting them go till they're 30 :) Anyway, Adrian and dad stayed home to watch soccer.. Karen and Dean came by for a little while before going to dinner with one of Karen's private clients (she is doing graphic design work for some people).

Marcus and I are going to the comedy festival next week.. we're watching Carl Barron. It should be awesome.. I love stand up comedy...and I'm ALWAYS in for a good laugh.. I can't wait!

Anyways, the weather in Melbourne is too good right now... it is sunny and there is a cool wind...I can't stay on the computer much longer!

Before I go, here are some of my new friends, so please go and say hello, they'd LOVE to hear from you...

Ashley & Ryan
Hailey
Jacob R.- needs LOTS of special prayers right now..
Katja
Kayleigh
Zachary- also needs a ton of prayers...

Please don't forget those who need special prayers...

Michael
Savannah
Katia
Saralee
Bailee

And so many more...please pray for their special miracle, and for peace and comfort to be with those who are slowly slipping away from us...pray for their families and friends...it is not just the kids who are battling these great battles...their loved ones battle it alongside them and although it is not the same as what these little ones feel and go through themselves, it is nearly just as hard to watch them go through all that they do... THANK YOU so for all the love and support that you show the families of Caringbridge. It is so appreciated...

To end my update with GOOD NEWS...Cassidy's daddy is now safely HOME SWEET HOME from Iraq. This family has had to go through so much without their daddy by their side and have just had so much time apart...we are so thankful that they are all now together in each other's arms being a family once again. Let's all say an extra prayer or two for our troops fighting for us. We won't have our freedom today if it weren't for them...

Thanks for checking in, everyone!

Love, Janice

Friday, April 2, 2004

Hi everyone,

Yes I am still alive... sorry for the long delay between updates...it has been hard for me to even get 15 minutes on the computer. But tonight, it's MINE!!! Well it's Friday and it's past midnight and Adrian and dad are asleep...so it's my only chance.

So, did ya'll get fooled on April's fool??? Silly, gullible me did...TWICE. Marcus woke me up with a text message saying that someone had ran the back of his car on his way to work...of course being woken up by his message, my first thought was "OMIGOD" and not "it's the 1st of April today which means April's fools day so don't get fooled". I also asked how badly damaged the car was before asking how HE was...oops, I sincerely did not mean that.. of course I cared if he was okay!! Anyway he told me he was only joking bla bla bla...and I only then realised that OF COURSE it had to be a joke, not because it was April's Fools day but because if someone really did hit his car, he wouldn't have sounded as calm and collected as he did. SILLY ME!

The second time I got fooled...I got to work and went to get my morning coffee at the little cafe below my office.. I go up to the regular guy who makes coffee, order my latte...and we make small talk like we usually do..then he goes on to say "uhh, there's something on your cheek".. of course I immediately try and get whatever's on my cheek off as quickly as possible, at the same time thinking "hang on, we're not that close for you to be able to tell me there's something gross on my cheek"...and then he cheekily said April Fool. ARRRRRGH. Couldn't believe I got fooled twice...

Well, not too much has been happening around here... dad is now leaving Melbourne on the 11th instead of the 18th as he had planned earlier. There really isn't much for him to do here seeing that I am at work most of the day and Adrian is at uni most of the day too... so it's actually quite boring for him. He'll be missing Karen's birthday on the 14th but we'll celebrate that a little earlier of course! Maybe I'll even take some NEW photos...

Okay gotta go...am falling asleep on the computer and my new acrylic nails don't let me type as fast....hehe.

I hope you are all well, thank you bunches for checking in... have a GREAT weekend!

PS: Please pray for our little ones...I am trying to get around the guestbooks as much as I can...remember that you are all in my thoughts and prayers...LOVE YOU ALL!

Hugs & kisses,
Janice

Saturday, March 27, 2004

~*~UPDATE~*~
Today, we lost another brave battler here at Caringbridge...sweet, beautiful, courageous Maxie is now at peace in Heaven with his brand new, much needed angel wings...no more pain, no more cancer Maxie. His mother had to make the most painful and hardest decision of her life, whether to keep him on the machines or not... I can't imagine what that must be like. PLEASE go by Maxie's site and leave his family some words of love and comfort.. they could sure use some right now. A beautiful boy who fought with all his might...Maxie, you will be so dearly missed...rest in peace, buddy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hi guys!

Well, dad arrived safely last night. His flight went well and was on time and everything, so that was good... oh, and of course I just had to miss the turn off on our way back from the airport again...I did this the last time we picked dad up from the airport last year. This time I took a different turn off and we ended up having to drive home via the city....which wasn't actually too bad because I knew where I was going. Last year when I took the wrong turn off, we ended up NEARLY on our way to Geelong, along dark roads near industrial sites!!! So you could say I did better this time :)

Karen & Dean came over this morning and we all went out to branch down the road. And then did some grocery shopping at Victoria Market... it was such a nice day to be outside. Tomorrow, we're having a BBQ at Karen's & Dean's... so I'm looking forward to that too...it's gonna be 33 degrees (celcius) tomorrow! A very hot autumn day if you ask me...

Well I am gonna get going...please keep the little ones in your prayers...Maxie, Jake, Savannah, Lakota, Katia, Bailee... and so many more...please go by their sites when you can...it is so appreciated! Thanks for checking on me and all your messages in the guestbook...you have no idea how much I love reading them!

I hope you're all having a great weekend...and with that, I will leave you a little something one of the CB mum's sent me today. (Thanks Tami!)

Hope ya'll enjoy it...till next time...

Lots of love,
Janice

For your reading pleasure...

*~*~National Girlfriend Week*~*~

I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I
use and the friends I have. To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!

Why do we only have parties for each other when one of us
gets married, is pregnant, or retires?

What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping, lunching, and traveling girls?

Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!

TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching
her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13. We will never regret piercing our ears.

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their
presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Hi everyone,

Dad arrives on Friday night so Adrian and I will be at the airport to pick him up. Like I've mentioned in my past journals, my family has had a tough time lately and my brother and sister know exactly how important it is to have our family together right now. We are looking forward to dad coming down for a visit. Please keep my family in your prayers and also pray for my dad to get here safely...THANK YOU.

I will update when dad gets here...

Thanks for coming by and check out my Caringbridge project below...

Love, Janice

Monday, March 22, 2004

Hello,

Well I didn't have too much to do tonight (besides watch Queer Eye and Sex & The City) so I thought I would make some of my guestbook rounds...I have just re-arranged all my CB kids...I have each child under specific lists (ie: critical, remission, under treatment etc, etc) and I am so glad to see that there are quite a number of kids under the "REMISSION" list...on the other hand, the "ANGEL" list is just as long, sadly :( I have to do a re-count of how many kids I have under my lists soon..

Today, I received a wonderful gift in the mail from Angel Noah Jay's mum, Heidi. It was my FAVOURITE photo of Noah... if you go to his site you will see it right on the front of the page. Noah is facing the open sea with his arms wide open, stretched as far as they can go...I see him just as he is in that photo, but in Heaven, for he is now free from cancer. THANK YOU, Heidi for the photo... I am so honoured to have known your boy.

In the past few months, I have received a couple of photos from the kids at CB...I got a couple from Ashton and also one from Bryan & his wife Karen. All so precious! As you can imagine, I have never met any of these kids or Bryan (sorry Bry, I didn't mean to refer to you as a kid! hehe) and I'm sure most of us here on Caringbridge have never met each other so we are only familiar with each other through photos and updates...which is why I have come to realise just how amazing photos are. How they link us together, and how they are just there in that special captured moment that we will remember forever. This has all given me an idea... and that is, I would LOVE to have a picture of all the kids (and adults) on Caringbridge who are fighting a disease...even a photo of their brothers and sisters or family with them would be cool. I just wanna start a scrapbook on Caringbridge and all the brave battlers that make Caringbridge the place that it is... so if you could mail me a photo or two, I would so appreciate it. And I will definitely share my end product with all of you... I don't know how yet but I will. And here is my mailing address..

Janice Liew
80/8, Perth St
Prahran
Vic 3181
Australia

THANK YOU!

Hmm, so something interesting happened tonight..my bathroom ceiling started leaking. I was actually having a shower when it started leaking and I thought it was because of my shower...but after I turned the shower off, the leaking continued and I heard thumping from the apartment upstairs. So Adrian went upstairs to see what on earth was going on...turns out my neighbour (whom I do not know) in the apartment directly above me flooded her bathroom and she was in the middle of mopping everything up... BRILLIANT!!! So my ceiling wouldn't stop leaking for 40 minutes...and I think it has just started again... this better not turn into a huge problem or I won't be happy! Plumbers don't come cheap these days!

Anyway I had better go check on that leak...I don't seem to hear it anymore so cross your fingers that it's stopped...FOR GOOD.

Before I go, yesterday was the 1st anniversary of Angel McKenzie in Heaven...please go by her website and leave a note for her still very much devastated parents. It was McKenzie's journals that I first stayed up all night reading when I first discovered Caringbridge..she will always have a special place in my heart. She was a true angel on earth. Rick & Christina, I thought of your entire family yesterday...hang in there! We all miss McKenzie so much...

*~*~*~REST IN PEACE, MCKENZIE & NOAH JAY~*~*~*~*
Sending lots of kisses and hugs to the Heavens...

Love, Janice

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Hi everyone,

Tonight is the first Saturday night that I am actually home in a long time...for some reason, I have been feeling kinda down emotionally this weekend...I don't really know why and from where it's all coming from. I know so much of my sadness that I feel having since lost my mum has to do with the fact that I have indeed lost her. Most people who know me know that I am a generally happy person...I am known to laugh or have the biggest laugh...I am known to always have a smile on my face...and that is what most people remember me for (that's what I've been told anyway!). So now, whenever I feel down, or I'm just feeling emotionally drained, it usually has to do with the fact that I no longer have my mother with me...I think of her so much. I didn't think anyone could think of another person that much. I think of her before she was diagnosed, I think of her when she was diagnosed, I think of her when she went through surgeries, when she went through chemo, I think of her on her good days, I think of her mothering me, I think of her in so many different ways...then I start to think of how different my life would be, my family's life would be if she were still here... You know, I miss her in so many ways...but what I miss most is the friendship that we were slowly starting to build... all of my life, my mother was a mother to me...she loved me like any mother would love a child, she was there for me, she did things for me...up until I was about 17 she was a mother to me. I remember clearly it was the summer after she was diagnosed...I was 17..that was when things changed. I went home to KL for summer holidays and mum and I developed something even more...I relationship changed... she was still the mother she had always been to me, but she also became my friend...I remember we talked about a lot of things...my friends, school, even boys... it was a huge change for me knowing that my mother could also be my friend...and I loved that change. I was looking forward so much to having her as a friend walking through life with me...when I graduate...when I get married... when I have kids...we would be able to talk about it and share our experiences as she had done all that before... but so very sadly, that was all cut short... you have no idea how insanely jealous I get today when I see other girls and their mothers...even when I watch a movie that has mother/daughter characters in there... I wish so much for things to be different, but sometimes I just wonder why I'm wishing for it...it's not like the past is going to change...but I can't help it. And I can't help feeling down. Sometimes I'm tempted to say I'm feeling depressed.. but depressed is a word so often confused and misconstrued.. you would usually associate the word depressed with someone who's suicidal...and I'm not that AT ALL. Don't get me wrong. I just feel...SAD. Plain and simple. If only she would walk in the door right now... if only... my life would be okay again.

So today has been one of those days...one of those many days that I have occasionally. I'm at the point in my life now where a lot of things are happening...new changes, new starts...new things...so things keep me busy and keep my mind occupied. But there is only so much that can keep your mind occupied, and when my mind idles for just even a minute...I think of mum. And that's when the sadness gets a hold of me. Today has been a generally good day though.. Adrian, Karen, Marcus and I hung out and watched The Butterfly Effect...Karen isn't feeling too well, she too has got a sore throat but we managed to get her to come out. We had a nice time just hanging out, brothe and sisters and Marcus too... I'm not out tonight like I usually am on a Saturday night but that's because Marcus has to work tomorrow.

Dad will be down this coming Friday for a visit. He'll be here for 3 1/2 weeks so that will be good...I'm looking forward to seeing him...I haven't seen him since the start of December. We are all looking forward to spending some quality family time together...I think it is much needed too. It'll be good coz he'll also be here for Karen's 28th birthday which is on April 14th. Can't believe my big sister is gonna be 28 :)

Anyway, I'll leave it here for tonight...thanks for listening. And thank you for all the guestbook messages... truly and sincerely.

Lots of love,
Janice and her angel mum *Girlie*

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Hi guys,

Okay...well I didn't know whether to believe it or not when Kim (Kody's mum) said that Michael hadn't much time left- only because his mum hadn't updated until recently, so I didn't know if there was some sort of misunderstanding...but I am just so extremely saddened that it is true. Michael's MRI didn't go too well and the cancer is now covering his brain. The doctor's expect it to grow faster and this only means that Michael will have limited time left with us...I am in complete shock. He's been doing reasonably well for awhile now and this has to happen...PLEASE go by Michael's site and offer him and his family some words of love and support... his mum doesn't update too often but she definitely reads all of your messages. Michael, keep fighting, we love you! Kim, thanks for your email and for confirming it with for me...I wrote a huge email back to you and stupid me accidentally clicked on something and it all DISAPPEARED...I was SO peeved...but I'll write another one later. I miss all of you guys too!

A couple of weeks ago, little Alexis relapsed too...this was a real shock as she was in remission for awhile and just doing really well. So if you could please go by her site and say some extra prayers for her, that would be so great...thank you!

Before I forget...

~*~*~*HAPPY ST PAT'S DAY*~*~*~

My friend, Leah, told me that I had to wear green today since it's St Pat's day and everything...and it just hit me that I don't own a single green clothing! How funny is that...I went through my entire wardrobe and found nothing green...not even underwear...or socks. Oh well, I wore blue today and pretended it was green :)

Well I didn't really have much to update on...oh, guess what...if it's not a sore throat, it's a cold...yes, I have a cold now...nothing too serious though...just the sniffles and a blocked nose... I usually sniffle during the day and when I get ready to go to sleep, my nose decides to block up, which makes it harder for me to breathe and hence I get no sleep (or hardly any)..which makes me cranky during the day...it's like a vicious cycle!

Melbourne has been having some AWESOME weather lately... we've been in the early to mid 20's (celcius) and just sunshine and blue skies...it's too warm to wear a jumper but too cold to go to the beach... I'm still hanging out and crossing my fingers ever so tightly for a 40 degree (celcius) day but I highly doubt there's anymore to come... autumn is clearly in the air and winter soon to follow...oh, you guys all the way over the other side of the world, are SOOOOOOOOO LUCKY! Ohh, I can name one good thing about winter...well, this winter anyway... I have decided to learn either skiing or snowboarding...I've never ever done either one, so it'll be good to learn. Karen & Dean are big skiiers and Marcus snowboards... so where does that leave me? Alone, taking lessons... I'm excited...

I have to go start on dinner now... please keep our little battlers in your prayers...Michael, Alexis, Bailee, Saralee, Maxie, Lakota, Katia...all their links are below so please pop in for a visit when you have time... thank you everyone...thank you for all your kindess, love and genorisity you've all shown to the Caringbridge community! I am always so blown away by how amazingly caring everyone is... and I am the hugest believer in what goes around comes around...so all the good that you do...it does come back to you...

Hope you're all having a great week!

Love, Janice

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Hi everyone!

Here is the update that makes more sense that I promised :) It's just that I wrote my last update without even looking at the clock and realised I only had 30 minutes to prepare dinner before the finale of Average Joe started. I'm sorry, I just really love my reality tv :) And speaking of reality tv, I think that's all there is on tv today...besides all the Aussie ones we're getting (which I don't really watch) we are also getting all the cool ones aired in America! You guys, like I always say, it's a good thing I don't live in America, I will be jobless, at home infront of the tv :) Hehehe...

Well my sore throat is much better now...at the moment I'm feeling a lot better than I have in days, possibly a week. I don't know why but the past couple of weeks seem to have been wearing me out...I've been really tired and just not able to concentrate as much as I usually do at work. And then this sore throat came up which made things worse. But last Friday was different for some reason, I had a really good day and didn't feel tired at all...hmmm, maybe coz I knew the weekend was finally here? That could be it. Anyway so my sore throat is pretty much gone although I do cough occasionally. I'm not gonna complain about it because I've been doing that the past few days and thought to myself, how I can whinge about a sore throat when there are babies and kids fighting cancer, and yet they don't complain? So it's only a sore throat, I'm getting over it! Thank you for all your kind messages though!

Today, I had coffee with some friends I've known for a long time...and one of them, a girl, that I hadn't seen in awhile. We used to go to school together in KL, and I've seen her around Melbourne a few times in the past few years but we never really had a proper chat. So today we did manage to have a proper conversation...last year, at the age of 21 she discovered a lump in her breast and was obviously scared as you would be. She went for her scans and the doctors ruled out breast cancer as she was simply "too young". Today she says that she feels "scared" even though the doctors ruled out cancer last year and that she wants to go in for a full medical check up just to make sure that she's okay...I tell her that she should but she was just feeling really hesistant. I made a point to her that if her gut feeling is that she thinks something could be wrong that she should definitely go in for a full check up. Then she goes on to tell me that breast cancer and ovarian cancer is very much in her family and that she is just preparing for the worst to happen to her. She has this view that she will definitely be stricken with some sort of cancer and that she will die young and she is just trying to prepare herself for that instead of doing things like improving her lifestyle so that she can increase her chances of avoiding cancer. When she told me all of that, I just found it so disturbing... breast and ovarian cancer is also so much a part of my family and yet I can't imagine ever having that point of view where I should be preparing myself for the worst. I just wanted to shake her and ask her why she was thinking so negatively but I didn't...I just felt like I wasn't close enough to her to be able to butt into her life like that and offer her advice... I just think it's sad that she is so adamant that she is going to die young. It's like she's made up her mind. I don't know when I'll see her again as she's not really part of my regular circle of friends that I see...but the next time that I do see her, I will ask her about the medical check up and see what else she has to say... if any of you have any advice on how I should go about giving her advice (and also what sort of advice) but yet not crossing the line of butting into her life too much, please feel free to email me or leave a message in the guestbook...I would so appreciate it!

I hope everyone had a good weekend...mine was pretty good...last night, Marcus and I went to a friend's engagement party. It was a very good night, just having a good time with friends, dancing, and having a few drinks. Weddings and engagements ALWAYS brings tears to my eyes during speech times! So of course I was a little teary when speeches were made... I am a sucker for romance and love stories, movies etc...so if I see 2 people in love making the first step to spending their lives together, of course I'm gonna get teary!!

Tonight I ask you to PLEASE say some extra prayers for Sara Lee, Maxie, Kody (who is having very severe headaches), Michael, Katia (she has 100 percent DONOR CELLS!!!!), Lakota, Julianna and all the others who are on my list below and also not on my list but also fighting just as hard...please pray for them.

And for a very special prayer request...Bailee has relapsed. I just could not believe my eyes when I read her mum, Robin's, update. PLEASE PRAY FOR BAILEE. She is the most beautiful 8 year old, full of life, always wanting to go out and do things...she only just got home from a skiing trip! Bailee and her family are taking some time off for a family vacation right now...they will then come up with a plan with the doctors on what's best for Bailee. Please go by her website and offer her and her family some words of love and encouragement. Bailee, we love you!

There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing someone you love fight for their life...really. I don't know if I can think of anything else more heartbreaking than sitting there, watching the one you love go through all that pain and suffering and there's not a thing in the world that you can do to stop it or make it go away. Pray for peace and comfort, pray for miracles, pray for perfect healing, pray for a cure...

To all our angels' families, you are not forgotten! Remember...always with us in spirit...always with us in our hearts.

I hope you all have a great start to the week...thank you for coming by, don't forget to sign the guestbook :)

Love always, Janice

PS: The photo on this page is of my beautiful mother (left) and her sister Janet (my Aunty Janet who is a breast cancer survivor!) at the Begonia Festival in Ballarat in March/April 2002.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Hi everyone!

Just a quick update to say hello...

Well what do you know...I have a sore throat. As hard as I tried to stay away from Adrian, I guess with living in such close promximity to someone who's sick, you are bound to get sick too. It's not too sore though...there is this annoying itch and tingle at the back of my throat and I feel like I have to clear my throat every 2 minutes. And I've also been feeling very tired. Hope this all passes soon!

So sorry to cut this short, but I have to go make dinner in time for Average Joe...I just looked at the time!! My update probably sounds pointless, sorry! But I just wanted to say thank you for all your messages! And of course, please keep the CB kids in your prayers...I assure you my next update will make more sense :)

Love, Janice

Monday, March 8, 2004

~*~*~*~*HAPPY 18TH MONTH IN HEAVEN, MUM*~*~*~*~*

Dearest mum,
Today we celebrate your 18th month in Heaven...your 18th month cancer-free, your 18th month with no drugs, your 18th month with no pain, your 18th month with Jesus, your 18th month doing the things you loved to do, the 18th month with your brand-new perfect body, your 18th month in eternal paradise. It is still so painful without you. I am running out of tears and just running out of words to decribe just how much we all miss you...it is not the same without you and I don't imagine it will ever be the same.
My broken heart still hurts, I feel great sadness most times when I think of how you were just pulled away from our world, but like so many other days too, today I smile for you and celebrate your new life in Heaven. There is so much I have to say to you...and I am 18 months closer to doing that. Wait for me wherever you are, continue to shine your love down on dad, Karen, Dean, Adrian and me. Guide us through the rest of our lives left in this world till we meet again. We miss you more than you'll ever know...your memory is held deep within out hearts and you will never ever be forgotten. Sending you all my love to the Heaven's above today and everyday.

Loving you forever,
Janice

Good morning everyone,

Eighteen months ago today, my mother saw Heaven for the first time. It is hard to believe that it has been 18 months. I remember every single moment of the day she passed away till the day of her funeral like it happened only an hour ago. I wonder if I will remember it like it is forever. Or if my memory will just fade? I hope it doesn't...but human nature is that your memory does fade in time...because it's still all so crystal clear to me right this moment, I have an idea to write it all down on paper exactly what happened, how I felt, who was there with me, for me, what people said to me, what I said to people around me. That way, in 50 years, when my memory fails me, I will have something to rely on. My mother was a great person... a great lady. There's no doubt about that. She did not have an ounce of "bad" in her...it was all "good". I just wish every one of you could've met her. She was a soft-spoken lady...very generous...very giving...very kind... she had a heart of gold... she loved to cook, she loved to clean, she loved her arts and crafts...she was a very domestic person...and to me, she could do anything. There wasn't a thing I thought she couldn't do...when I needed something done that I couldn't do, she could do it...when I needed a recipe for a particular dish, she was there to show me how to cook it first hand...when I was sick she knew exactly what medicine I needed to take and what I needed to do to get better...it's like she knew everything. I guess she did, she was a mother...my mother. Mothers know everything! I guess you could say I just miss her...so much. And I know a lot of other people miss her too. How can you not miss someone or think of someone even when they're gone when they've left such a huge mark on a person's life? I just don't think it's possible... when I was 16, a girl at my school died of cancer...I didn't know her. My grade was so big, (over 300 girls) that not every single person was your friend. She wasn't a friend, I never talked to her but I knew of her. When she died, they had a service for her in the chapel at our school. I didn't know her but I went to her service. I remember sitting at the back of her service and thinking to myself "what am I doing here? I didn't even know her". But I knew the answer to my question. I didn't know her but that wasn't a reason not to be there. I didn't know her but for some reason I was propelled to BE THERE. Whenever she was well enough to be at school, she was music captain. I remember one day just before the music festival at school, we were all rehearsing our songs we were gonna be performing... I watched her all day...the way she carried herself as captain, the way she made us all sing better. She was 16 with cancer, she felt sick that day and threw up that morning but there she was standing in front of all of us guiding us. I thought she was amazing. So, no I didn't know her, but she amazed me. She died and it was the first time in my life that I felt so saddened of a death of a person that I didn't even know. She didn't have to talk to me or to be my friend to have touched me. She did just by being herself and being there infront of me. Her name was Katie Freestone and she was 16 years old when she died from cancer. I'll always remember Katie.

Well, today is Labour day and it's a public holiday! HAPPY LABOUR DAY! We had the grand prix yesterday here in Melbourne and it was quite an uneventful race. Michael Schumacer won, of course. Karen & Dean had their BBQ and it was sooo nice. The weather on the other hand was pretty dismal...it was cold, gloomy and windy...not perfect BBQ weather but hey, we'll do anything for a BBQ! Hehe! Not much to report over here... Adrian has a pretty bad sore throat/cough at the moment so I'm staying well away from him. The last thing I need (or want) is to get sick. I think he got sick from the change in weather... it's been like 40 degrees (celcius) one day to 18 degrees (celcius) the next day...so lots of people do get sick with the extreme change in weather. That's Melbourne for ya!

Back to work tomorrow :( The last 6 months, I've actually been doing a lot of reading...I read anything from light-hearted, feel good books to dramatic, suspenseful books. I've always loved reading and I guess my lost years of reading in high school and university have finally caught up to me and I'm doing all that lost reading now! If any of you know of any really good books, please let me know! I would love to go check them out. Also, let me know which books are your favourites!

Well I should get going right now...I was going to take the car to the carwash but it looks like it's gonna rain. I guess it just leaves the grocery shopping to do :) Please pray for our little ones and not so little ones. A few of them are having a tough time right now... Maxie, Sara Lee, Katia, Marshall and many more. All their links are below so please go by their website and check on how they're doing. I've also added a new section to my kids' list below...there is now a "Little Aussie Battlers" section for our little aussies fighting. There aren't many aussie kids on Caringbridge, so if you know of any, please let me know so I can add them to the list.

THANK YOU to everyone who continues to check on me and on the kids too. Every click is so appreciated! There has been just over 30,000 visits to my website since May of last year. Thanks everyone who has come by! I hope you continue to do so and when you do, don't forget to say hi in the guestbook :)

Have a wonderful week...and today, I ask you to remember my beautiful mother in Heaven.

Lots of love,
Janice

Friday, March 5, 2004

**~~NEW PHOTOS!~~**

Hello, hello!

The LOOOOOOOOOOOONG weekend is finally here! You have no idea how long I've been waiting for a long weekend to come around again...the last one we had was for Australia Day. That was back in January...which seems ages ago! I can't believe it's already March. Autumn is "officially" here. But unofficially still awhile away hopefully...I am just NOT ready to give up summer yet. We haven't had enough 40 degree (celcius) days! I think I've been to the beach quite a few times this summer but not enough... I'm also not quite ready to get stuck into jumpers and jeans... I'm still in skirt and flip flops mode!

Well, I just got home from the usual Friday nights with my girlfriends. We had a lot of fun tonight and I am just so tired now. I also felt like I could feel a sore throat coming on last night and this morning...but I drank water ALL day, and I mean ALL day...and now I feel a lot better. So anyway, after work the girls and I (June, Natalie, Edwina and me) met up for dinner in Richmond. We decided to try something different for a change, so we decided on Vietnamese. It was really yummy. Then we went to watch "The Missing" at the Victoria Gardens cinemas... I've never been there (even though it's so close to me!) so it was pretty interesting to see what it was like.. the movie wasn't too bad. I guess it dragged on for a little too long. I'm hoping to watch Passion of The Christ tomorrow night...I've heard SO many different opinions on it so I'm just really curious. Apparently people have walked out of it... I hope I can take all the gory-ness. I'll be fine.

Tomorrow I'll be catching up with some friends who've just returned to Melbourne from KL. I haven't seen them in a few months so it'll be good to catch up (not to mention get all the goss!). Sunday, Karen & Dean are having a Grand Prix BBQ. Speaking of which, the Grand Prix is on this weekend...and I'm NOT looking forward to being woken up by the buzzing of formula one cars at 8am on a Saturday morning!!! My apartment is only 5 minutes from where the race is being held so you can only imagine (and SYMPATHISE) on how loud it will be... the ENTIRE weekend.. from 8am to 5pm. Yeah, so Karen & Dean will be having a BBQ so that should be fun.

Monday, seeing that it's a public holiday, I think I'm just gonna do some chores and catch up on all my CB kids :) Fingers crossed, I hope I get to make all my rounds...

Work has been pretty good...it slowed down a little last week but this week has been REALLY busy for us. We've had a lot to do and I've noticed a little rise in the stress levels among my colleagues! Nothing anyone can't handle though. Hopefully next week it will calm down a little more. Also today I had my first team meeting :)

Well I was going to give this site a little makeover with the background and everything but I'm just too tired right now, so I might just keep that for Monday.

Before I go, I'd like to make a special request for everyone to please say some extra prayers for a few kids... Maxie, Lakota, Katia, Sara Lee, Marshall and many, many others. All their links are below so please go by and say hello. Don't forget those who remain in remission, although they are happy and remain cancer-free, it is still a tough battle living each day knowing that there is always the fear of a relapse. And of course, don't forget our beautiful angels in Heaven and their families... Angel Colby, Angel Brittany, Angel Noah Jay, Angel Max, Angel Addison...only to name a few...there are so many more who have left us and their families are left here to find meaning to their lives again. It is not easy. None of this is. So any words of love and support would be greatly appreciated. Even if you have nothing to say, or you don't know what to say, just say "hello"...that is all it will take to put a smile on their face...to ease their pain maybe just a tiny bit. You'll never know the difference you could make in someone's life.

On Monday will be exactly a year and a half since mum left all of us here. A year and a half longer without my mother but at the same time, a year and half closer to seeing her again. How I can't wait for that day...

Have a great weekend everyone, make the most of it! Make the most of everyday! Thanks for coming by!

All my love,
Janice

Wednesday, March 3, 2004 0:14 AM CST

Hi everyone,

Some bad news today...as you might've read from the guestbook, little Lakota has just relapsed with AML. PLEASE go by her site and offer Lakota and her mum, Debbie, some words of support and encourgement. They really need it right this moment. Lift their family up in prayer, and especially pray for Lakota's miracle that she can beat this disease. Lakota had a brother who passed away from AML too. So you can imagine how scared and nervous they must be right now. Debbie & Lakota, you are not alone here, we are all here for you!

I met another new friend today... her name is Lisa and she is a 19 year old fighting Polyarticular Juvenile Ankylosing Spondylitis (JRA). At the moment there is no cure for this disease, so Lisa is fighting for her life everyday just like so many others out there. Please do take a chance and go by her site to say hello. She could also do with all the prayers!

Also, please continue to pray for Maxie as they await his CT scan results.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Love always,
Janice

Sunday, February 29, 2004

~*~*~*~*~PRAYER REQUESTS*~*~*~*~*~

Today, I met another gorgeous boy...Maxie is a 10 year old courageously fighting Rhabdomyosarcoma. He has just been readmitted to hospital and is in need of some serious prayers...he has been through a ton of treatment and now they think it might've spread to his brain. Please lift him and his family up in prayer and for his CT and bone marrow scans to come back with good news. Thank you.

If you'd like to visit an angel today... please go by Angel Gabe's site. Gabe was a 14 year old fighting AML until it took his life in 2002. His Aunt Vicki still updates his site and could use some words od love and support right now.

Thank you all...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hey guys,

Hope everyone is doing well...I have been out of touch with Caringbridge this past week so I hope everyone is doing great, hanging in there and had a great weekend. Okay, It's only 6.30pm on Sunday right now but I CAN'T WAIT for NEXT weekend! It'll be a long weekend so I'm just really looking forward to a long, relaxing weekend... Next Monday is Labour Day so that's why it's a long weekend :)

Well last Wednesday, we all went out to dinner with Uncle Allen and Auntie Kim Mooi who were down from KL (they left today). We had a very nice family Chinese dinner at the Sharks Fin restaurant on Burwood Hwy. Aunty Janet was there too but unfortunately Uncle Trevor could not join us as he had his badminton game on...we missed you, Uncle Trevor! (and you missed out! hehe).

Friday night, Karen & Dean had a BBQ at the house and invited all the family round (Uncle Allen etc), but I couldn't make coz I had a girl's night with my girlfriends instead. We had already made plans about a week before so I couldn't back out...we had a great night anyway... with a Japanese dinner, some coffee (hot chocolate actually) and then a movie... our little girl group seems so much smaller now with Emma away in London.

Adrian as been busy enjoying the last of his summer vacation before he starts uni tomorrow. He hasn't actually had much of a vacation since he had summer school...this last week and his time in KL were the only vacation he had. So anyway, it's back to uni for him tomorrow! Speaking of uni, it feels like I haven't been there like forever...but it's only been 7 months or so since I left. Do I miss it? Hmmm, not really :) I guess I'm just glad to be out!

Melbourne has had some beautiful weather this weekend... blue skies and sunny! Not too warm, not cold either. Just as you think summer is over and autumn is slowly creeping through, another scorching day will hit Melbourne! It is forecasted to be 36 degrees (celcius) this Wednesday!! Do you know how tempting it is to want to just call into work sick and head to the beach?? Hehe.

Well, the next couple of weeks will be a quiet one I'll imagine...some friends of Marcus and mine are engaged and they're engagement party is in a couple of weeks. And then, dad comes down to Melbourne from KL on the 26th of March. We can't wait for him to get here. It will be good to see him. It is really nice to have family around...and it will be good when dad gets here, coz the whole family will be together then.

So I've probably gone on for too long... THANK YOU everyone for all your messages in the guestbook, for all your uplifting words, emails...prayers...it is SOOO appreciated, more than I can ever express to any of you. Thank you for checking in on me, for whatever reason that brings you to this website, thank you for doing so... it is not all that easy opening up and sharing a glimpse of my life, my family's lives, and the life that my mum once had so openly...but it is people like you who make me want to share it all. As always, do check on the kids and say hello whenever you can...I don't wanna be hypocritical and tell all of you to leave them a message when I myself haven't been doing so as often as I used to, but do go by and read their updates...pray for them...never forgetting our beautiful angels and their families too...thank you all!!!

Lots of love, Janice

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Hi guys,

Just wanted to write and let everyone know that I am okay... I know the updates haven't been frequent but besides the lack of time, it has also been hard to update because of personal issues.

The last week has been quite eventful though, so I'll just briefly update on that... for starters, one of my closest friends from high school, Emma, left last Sunday for London. Her and her boyfriend are doing the whole travel thing (I'm so jealous!) so they left for London and will stay there for about a year and then move on to the different European countries. If all goes to plan, they will be back in Australia in 2 years. TWO YEARS!!! That's a hell of a long time. So last Friday night, we had a going away party for them...it was sad. Can you imagine not seeing a close friend for 2 years? Anyway, I made her swear to me that she would email and send postcards.

On Saturday, Uncle Allen and Aunty Kim Mooi arrived for a week's visit from KL. And tomorrow night we'll all be having a big family dinner so that we can all catch up.

Work has been going well for me. The company I'm with has been really happy with my performance so they're keeping me for another month. I was meant to finish up this week! I'm glad I'm staying longer though, coz it's just a pain having to move to another job, plus the money is always good.

Well, I'm off to a hair appointment. My best friend who's about to finish her course in hairdressing is gonna put highlights in my hair tonight. I'm excited!

Please continue to keep my family in your prayers. I know I haven't gone into anything detailed about what's been going on, but I hope that you are all satisfied by knowing that it is indeed very personal. It is a tough time right now for us, so thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

I hope everyone has had a great start to the week! Thanks for checking in!

Lots of love, Janice

Saturday, February 21, 2004

Hi everyone,

Not a very long update today...not a very happy one either. We lost Tom on February 17th and I only found out a few days ago that we lost Ryan from Florida too on February 11th...it is just so heartbreaking. They were both young, brave and fighting men who had so much to give to this world...please say some extra prayers for their families and go by and visit their sites if you can. Please continue to keep Saralee, Marshall, Katia, Delaney and all the other little fighters in your prayers...

Have a great weekend! I'll be back to update soon...

Love, Janice

Sunday, February 15, 2004

~UPDATE: 16TH FEBRUARY~

Please say some extra prayers for Delaney as she faces surgery today. A few days ago, her scans revealed a "mass" behind her eyes (near her skull base), so they are having this surgery to find out more. There could be possible complications resulting from the surgery, so please keep her in your prayers. Thanks!

Hi everyone,

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

I just wanted to update and thank everyone for your sweet messages in the guestbook and for thinking of me and my family. It is so comforting to be able to come to this website and go through the messages in the guestbook... it really does help me feel better. THANK YOU.

I had a really great Valentines Day... Marcus and I spent the day down at the beach as it was a scorching 41 degrees (celcius) here in Melbourne. There's only one way to keep cool and that is to get to a beach, ANY beach, as fast as you can. We drove down to Anglesea beach which is just over an hours drive from Melbourne on the Great Ocean Road. It is by far one of my favourite beaches... we spent most of the day there just chilling out under the sun (I am working on my tan!) and also body boarding..I had never done it before so it was my first time... the first couple of times I tried to bodyboard, the waves just completely took me out...and mind you, I have the biggest fear of drowning...if my feet can't touch the ground, there's NO WAY I will go any further, I'm not the strongest swimmer around! Anyway, so with these waves taking me out, as you can imagine I was pretty nervous.. but after about 15 minutes, I managed to get the hang of it and ended up having the best time.. we left the beach at about 3.30pm to have a late lunch..and after lunch on the way back to Melbourne, we stopped by Geelong Airport and Marcus took me on a scenic flight for Valentines Day!! It was so beautiful!! We went in an open air cockpit airplane.. I don't really know what the exact names for them are... but it was one of those old aeroplanes that you'd see in the old world wars.. it was a 25 minute flight around Geelong and Barwon Heads..and the pilot made the plane do all these dips in the air and even made the plane turn 360 degrees.. he did that over the ocean and it was the most beautiful thing...because every where I looked it was just OCEAN BLUE. Very exhilirating stuff!!! So I guess yesterday was a lot of firsts for me...bodyboarding and my first scenic flight...the views from above was so breathtaking.

Well, I'm off to bed right now... can't believe the weekend's over. I just get so disappointed! Again, thank you for all of your messages, emails and prayers... please continue to pray for my family. We need them right now. And also don't forget the kids. All their links are below so please take a moment to check in on them...

Lots of love,
Janice

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Hi ya'll,

Firstly, I apologise for the "confusion" in my last update. I deleted it so as not to cause anymore confusion. But those who read it know what I'm talking about. Sorry if I panicked anyone! I nearly had a heartattack. Really.

Well, I just wanted to write tonight and say that I might not update on my personal life for awhile...and when I say "awhile" I mean, maybe a week, maybe two. There are some personal things going on right now, which I feel are probably too personal for this website at this moment. But I ask for all of you who check in on me to please lift my family up in prayer. I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

In the meantime, I will keep updating everyone on the kids and prayer requests...so stay tuned for those.

Thank you for all your messages!

Lots of love,
Janice

Sunday, February 8, 2004

~*~UPDATE: 9TH FEBRUARY~*~

I write tonight with great sadness as a special, beautiful boy, Dakoda left us yesterday morning to be with God. His time on earth was short, his battle long and great. Rest in peace, buddy... you will always remain in my heart. Please go by Dakoda's site and keep his family in your thoughts and prayers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hi everyone,

It's been exactly 17 months today since I last saw my mum...I remember EVERYTHING about that day...from start to finish. I remember exactly what I wore, what I did, what I said, what I felt...I even remember what mum wore, what the smell of her hospital room smelt like, what she smelt like...everything. There hasn't been a day since she passed away that I haven't thought of her... I had another dream of her last week and again, she was ill in the dream. I feel like these dreams are a way of her telling me that she is always around me...near me...watching over me. Because I dream of her, and then I wake up and feel that she's close to me...a feeling of closeness that I'm so glad I have the chance to feel. I can't imagine losing the feeling of knowing what it was like to have her around me. So even though it's hard to have her ill in my dreams, I'm glad I have them...because I never want to know what it's like to think of her and not remember anything, and not feel the closeness we had.

I hope everyone had a great weekend...Friday night, I took Karen and Adrian out to dinner at a Japanese restaurant, just the 3 of us. It was nice to have only the 3 of us together. One of mum's last wishes was for us to NEVER, EVER be broken up as a family...for us to always stick together, to be there for each other, and of course that all includes dad. I remember a couple of months before she passed away...we sat together in my room...it was in the middle of the night, at that time she had been experiencing a lot of back pains because of all the fluid built up in her stomach. She could only sleep on her back and not any other position so that gave her back pains. She woke up in the middle of the night feeling the pain, I woke up too and just sat next to her rubbing her back. I can remember exactly how I felt at that moment...all I wanted was for God to take her pain away...for Him to make her back feel better...for her to be able to sleep comfortably...even if it was just for ONE night. So anyway, as I rubbed her back...we started talking. She brought up the subject of when her time did come and if she were to die, that our family should ALWAYS stay together and nothing should tear us apart. I started crying of course...I told her to stop. To stop talking about when she would die. I hated talking about it. I guess on the outside I was in denial that her time here was limited...but in the inside, I knew that she didn't have long and that just scared the living daylights out of me. It really did. So we were both sitting on the bed, both of us in tears...and I promised her that I would make sure our family stayed together, that I would take care of dad. I will never forget that night.

Tonight, I ask all of you to please say some extra prayers for a few kids... first of all, someone who could use all the prayers in the world right now would be Dakoda. He is a gorgeous 8 year old with a brain tumour...just in the past few months, they have discovered new tumour in his brain and have started him on a new drug...but in the last week, he is clearly getting tired and struggling. His dad's most recent update is extremely heartbreaking as they think Dakoda's battle may be coming to an end...PLEASE, go by his site and leave him and his family some loving and encouraging messages. Even though his dad may not update in awhile (as you would understand), they would all appreciate it... Dakoda, hang in there buddy! We love you.

Also, please keep Kaycey in your prayers as she's going through a tough time right now in hospital...she had a heart and lung transplant last September and at the moments, things aren't going well for her...her lung function is declining and she has been in the hospital for so, so long. She was moving forward at one time, but things just keep knocking her back. Also, her family could use some messages of support. Please go by her site and say some extra prayers for her. Kaycey you hang in there!

Saralee is still on the vent, but she is slowly moving forward and making little (but so very important!!!) improvements... please keep up your prayers for her. And go by her site, she loves hearing from everyone!

Please keep Tom in your prayers too as he faces some rather difficult complications since his transplant back in November. He is currently in critical but stable condition in the ICU and could really do with some extra prayers... he is truly one brave young man and has amazed so many. Keep fighting, Tom, we are thinking of you.

I am still slowly going around signing the guestbooks...I try and get as much as I can in each day. My list of kids are still growing so I just know I'm gonna have a harder time going around...I still remember those days when I signed in EVERYDAY to all the kids! I wish I still had those days! Anyway, do keep the little ones in your prayers...and always remember our angels in Heaven and their families who are still with us.

Thank you to everyone who has continually checked in on me and the kids and for all your messages! Have a great week.

Mum, I LOVE YOU and can't wait to see you again!

Lots of love,
Janice

Wednesday, February 4, 2004

Hey everyone!

Did ya'll notice that I finally took down the last of the Christmas decorations on this site? Hehe...

Well today was the day 6 years ago that mum was diagnosed with cancer. To be honest, I haven't been thinking too much about it the past couple of days or even today... I'm not sure why. It doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt or it doesn't make me sad or angry, because it does. But I guess I just know that if I think too much about it I'll start to get really down, and at the moment I just don't feel like feeling down. I've been having a great week at work, but I'll explain more in my next update! I have to get going...but before I do, I just wanted to leave everyone with a great poem that I found...

Hidden Heartbeats

Knowledge absorbed by the mind is fickle. Sometimes it stays, other times it fades. Knowledge that descends from the mind, down into the heart, remains forever. It takes root and changes lives.

Heart knowledge doesn't have to be earth shattering to be profound. A simple change in perception - seeing something through the eyes of the heart instead of the eyes of the mind - can alter the way you look at yourself, look at others or look at the world in general.

The grandest and the simplest of my life's lessons have come from the heart.

My heart taught me that a cemetery is only a scary place until someone you love is laid to rest. It then becomes a place of quiet tasks - grass clippings brushed from a headstone, flowers arranged and rearranged. It becomes a place where you leave the world at the gates and devote time to tender memories.

My heart taught me that the lifeblood of my country isn't the rights and freedoms I enjoy. It is the heart I see in the weeping eyes of our Veterans on Remembrance Day. It is the cost exacted from their souls for love of the land I am privileged to call home.

My heart taught me that every generation has its heroes. They aren't found on the television or movie screen, on the radio or in major sports. Heroes are busy, away from the limelight, doing what heroes do best - putting others before themselves. From the major cities and quiet hamlets of the industrialized world, to the most desolate and destitute places on earth, there are heroes to be found. All we have to do - to find them - is stop looking in the wrong places.

My heart taught me that loneliness has nothing to do with being by myself and everything to do with filling a God-shaped hole in the center of my being. Some of my loneliest experiences have been in the presence of other people.

My heart taught me that puppy kisses and hugs from small children can heal a whole lot of hurt.

My heart taught me that I catch on 'real quick' and suddenly 'get it', when a lesson I've refused to learn is repeated in the lives of my children.

My heart taught me to stop hatred, fear, disrespect and prejudice at the front door of my home. I can't stop all the ugliness in the world, but I can create a safe haven for the hearts and souls of my family by refusing the ugliness entrance into my home.

My heart taught me that trying to change people is best left in God's hands. They will fall into every pothole they refuse to go around and hit every wall they willingly run toward, regardless of how much I want to save them from suffering through the consequences of their actions. I can help pick up their broken pieces in the aftermath, but God can use their self-inflicted pain to help them make better choices in the future.

My heart taught me that my own personal happiness is my own personal responsibility. Putting that responsibility on someone else's shoulders is unfair. The burden is heavy. It's also unrealistic. No one was put on earth for the sole purpose of making me happy.

My heart taught me that compassion isn't a gift I can give to someone else's heart. It is a gift of spirit I can only grow in my own heart. I can plant seeds, but I can't make someone care about the hungry, the lonely or the oppressed people in the world around them. My efforts only make them pretend to care - when I'm around them.

My heart taught me that walking out the church door is the holiest moment of a Sunday morning service. Either I take the message with me and make it part of my life, or I leave it in the sanctuary, tucked away till the following Sunday morning.

My heart taught me that time-worn advice doesn't always wear out. The old adage to remember the sun when it's raining and remember the rain when the sun is shining, contains more wisdom than many modern day theories and philosophies.

My heart taught me that missing someone is a very real ache. It comes from a place where another heart has touched my own and left a permanent imprint.

My heart taught me that birth really is a miracle. A new baby, fresh from heaven, is a new chance, for a new heart, to bring new light into this old world.

Hidden heartbeats hold threads of wisdom that forever lie inside of me - and forever lie inside of you.

~Terri McPherson~

Hope ya'll enjoyed it!

Love always, Janice

Sunday, February 1, 2004

Hi everyone!

NEARLY another week has gone by without an update...so I had to write one tonight. I've told myself that I CANNOT, I just simply CANNOT, let a week go by without an update :) So here I am.

Today has been a pretty lazy Sunday...I've spent a few hours catching up with the Caringbridge kids and leaving WAY overdue messages here and there. I KNOW that I haven't been around Caringbridge all that much the past couple of months...and I do feel extremely guilty and make it a point in my head to MAKE the time and sit down and leave the kids messages...and today, I came online and checked my guestbook messages and there it was...the message from sweet lil Kody Kruppenbacher (you can read it in the guestbook)...that was the final straw and I said to myself- "THAT'S IT JANICE, YOU ARE SITTING DOWN FOR AT LEAST 2 HOURS AND WRITING THOSE WAY OVERDUE MESSAGES"...and I did. I think today was the first Sunday that I did not have anything to do...it is always something...errands... grocery shopping...cleaning...friend's party...friend's BBQ... I am so glad I took the time today to write those messages.

Can you believe it's February already? HAPPY FEBRUARY! Another 2 official month of summer left in Melbourne but hopefully it will last till at least April...I know lots of you have been getting snow lately...and I can't exactly say that we're having a great summer here in Melbourne... just lately it seems like we're right smack in the middle of winter. Last week, there was a great storm here in Melbourne (and the east coast of Australia) and so many suburbs were flooded...thankfully my area were clear of floods but the rain just kept pouring and pouring..and there was actually thunder and lighting...something very rare when it rains here unless it's a storm. I can't believe I actually got scared when the thunder woke me up at 3am. What a softy I am!

Anyway, February's a pretty important month for me... mum was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in February of 1998. Needless to say that was when my life changed forever and my world fell apart instantly. Funny how one minute everything seems to be right in your life and the next, everything seems wrong, not only in your life, but in the world. How can MY mother be the one with cancer? I was 16 then...I'm 22 now and I never thought I would be here without her. Of course when you hear your mum has cancer, you think of the absolute worst that could happen...that she could die. But her being my mother, I was SO positive all the time, so optimistic, so full of hope for her that I led myself to believe that she would never die from the disease...not her...not my mother. I remember the day Karen and I were told mum had cancer...I remember it like it was yesterday... we were 3000 miles apart (mum was in KL, we were in Melbourne)...Aunty Janet & Uncle Trevor had broken the news to us....I couldn't believe it. I don't think I've ever cried that much in the next 5 or 6 years to come.

February being such a difficult month that it is...in February of 2003, I stumbled upon Gooch's page. I don't know how I did...I don't know exactly where I was on the internet, or what I clicked...but there it was. Gooch's page. It changed my life and showed me something in this world that I hardly knew existed... there he was, this little 6 year old boy with cancer. His mum wrote about him in this journal she had everyday... I was intrigued...I was curious...I was sympathetic...I was heartbroken. So there I sat, reading Gooch's journals... and then slowly, I discovered all these other little ones with cancer...I don't think I've ever spent so many hours online at one time...reading all these children's journals kept me up so many nights...I laughed, I cried...I shared their pain and their joy. So, Gooch was the first child I came across Caringbridge...and then I so clearly remember coming upon Angel Colby's and Angel McKenzie's page...these 2 little angels were the very first ones I ever wrote to...and once I did, I couldn't stop. I then went on to "adopt" each of them, including twins Hannah & Madeline, Cassidy and Ashton...these 5 kids were the ones I start my journey on Caringbridge with. That was a year ago...since then the list has grown extensively...heartbreaking to hear, but so rewarding to follow their journeys. The 4 1/2 years of my mum's illness focused on the type of cancer she had, the cancers my grandparents have and so on...it was always someone "old" who had cancer...I never stopped to think that a 5 year old child could have cancer. I mean, it was always there in the back of my mind that children could have cancer, but I never actually stopped to think that yes they do get sick, they have transplants, they need chemo too, they lose their hair...they die. And Caringbridge opened up my eyes to this harsh reality... a year of my life on Caringbridge, I have seen endless numbers of remissions (YIPEE!), relapses, diagnosis and angel wings being grown...alongside that it has been a great year of building friendships with people I would never ever have met if it wasn't for the fact that I had lost my mother and therefore found Caringbridge.

Thank you to EVERYONE single person out there who has come to this website dedicated in memory of my mother...whether it is to say hello to me, to check on another child whose link is on here...to just read my updates...whatever it is that makes you come to this special website, THANK YOU... thank you for leaving me those messages that you have in the past year. Thank you for thinking of me and my family during the difficult times, for lifting us up in prayer. Thank you for sharing your child's journey with me. Thank you for your love and support. And thank you for knowing and believing that this love, kindess and generosity that I have for the children of Caringbridge comes from the very person that gave me life. Because in all honesty, I know so and believe so too.

Well, another Monday, another week...I hope everyone has a great week! And thanks for checking in :)

All my love,
Janice

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Hi guys,

Wow, nearly a week without an update...that is so unlike me! Sorry everyone. I guess there were just a few too many different reasons why my updates have been trickling in...only just. I guess it's mainly work and by the time I get home I'm just buggered...also, Adrian has now taken over the grand title of "computer hogger" since I started work :) But I suppose he needs the computer more than I do for his uni work and stuff. The weekend also mostly gives me time to catch up with friends, family and errands...you know how it goes! I have been trying to catch up with the guestbooks and I'm slowly getting there...SLOWLY.

Well, I suppose I should start with Chinese New Year... like I said in my update before the big dinner last Wednesday, it was a feast! We had lots to eat and we also managed to have "yi sang" which is a Chinese salad very popular around Chinese New Year...it's meant to symbolise prosperity in the new year so of course we couldn't go without it. Aunty Janet did a lot of cooking and everyone just ate until they couldn't move no more...

On Sunday, we had Chinese New Year dinner with Dean's family at a Chinese restaurant...we had another feast of course...I mean, if we're gonna celebrate something, we might as well go all the way and eat our hearts out! Like I said to Karen when we were deciding on entrees- we were contemplating if we should have deep fried or steamed dim sims...dim sims in itself is unhealthy (junk food!) and Karen said maybe we should go steamed coz it's a little healthier, so I said to her if we're gonna have junk food and be unhealthy, we might as well go all the way and have it DEEP FRIED :)

ANYWAY, running off track here...I guess everything has been pretty much the same around here. The Australian Open (tennis) is on at the moment here in Melbourne so everyone's in tennis mode. I am yet to get my much wanted autograph from Andy Roddick and Andre Agassi. But seeing that all tickets are sold out and unless I bump into them on the street (so very unlikely), I don't think I'll be getting that autograph...I'm determined to buy tickets for next year's open this October when it goes on sale. Hehe.

I better get dinner started. I hope everyone is well and THANK YOU for checking in! As always please keep our little battlers in your prayers, thoughts and hearts and pray for all their little miracles and blessings that sees them through each day.

Thank you so much!

Love, Janice

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Hi everyone!

It's been awhile, I know! Please excuse the delays in updates...today will be a short one but I will update again soon. Today is Chinese New Year Eve, so we are all having a dinner at Aunty Janet's & Uncle Trevor's. We are gonna have a feast! I'll also be sure to take some photos...

Well, I better get going, we're about to leave for dinner... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to all my family and friends back in KL and to everyone out there!

Be back soon!

Love, Janice

Friday, January 16, 2004

Hi everyone,

I'm feeling much better today. I felt pretty bad Wednesday night and yesterday morning...when I got home from work on Wednesday I just felt exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. I suddenly felt really tired and my stomach started feeling queasy too. I had nothing reflecting an appetite and went to bed the earliest I've been in months... probably even a year :) I slept reasonably well but when I woke up yesterday morning, my nose started getting all stuffy again and even though I had slept a good 10 hours, it felt like I had only slept for about a 1/2 hour. Needless to say it was the perfect opportunity to call in sick- not that I wanted to, hehe! Nah, I was just in no position to go into work and it would be pretty bad to get my colleagues sick since I work in pretty close proximity to the people around me...besides I think they got tired of hearing all my sniffles :) So I took the day off and basically relaxed. Had another reasonably early night and today I woke up feeling much better and managed to go to work. IT'S THE WEEKEND!!!!!!! Oh I thought you'd never come!

I've been meaning to make my rounds in guestbooks the past couple of days but being sick just meant that I didn't get the chance to :( You've all been in my prayers as always though! I dreamt on mum again a few nights ago and as she always has been in my previous dreams, she was still ill with cancer. But it was a good dream, coz I dreamt we went travelling together despite her being so sick. I wonder if that's a sign that she wants me to go travelling? To do the travelling that I want? I don't know...I also keep wondering if I'll ever have dreams of her where she's completely normal and not sick. Maybe the last 4 1/2 years of her life were just so consumed by her illness that it's hard for anyone who's close to her to really remember exactly what it was like to have her normal...maybe that's why my dreams are always of her being ill. Because in all honestly, I am finding it hard to remember her before she was diagnosed...whatever it is, memories that I have of her before and after diagnosis are all beautiful...even though she had many bad days during her illness, she also had a great days...

We lost the bravest little boy on Wednesday...Marcus left this world in the arms of his mother as he grew his angel wings and flew into the bright shining light of Heaven. He truly was a fighter. Please go by his site and leave his mother, Teresa, and family some words of comfort...I had not known Marcus for very long but in the short time that I did, he showed me just what an amazing boy he was. And even though I have never met him (like with all the other kids too), I believe that he was indeed amazing. Every ounce of him. Rest in peace, buddy.

Please continue to pray for all our little battlers and our not so little ones (our adult friends)... here is the list of new friends that I have on Caringbridge, so if you haven't had the chance to check their websites out yet, please do!

Kendrie
Joseph
Nathan
Nikki
Tori
Stacey
Alexia
Lakota
Christopher
Madison
Tayden

Have a wonderful and safe weekend! Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Hi guys,

Well this will teach me...it was one of my girlfriend's 22nd birthday last night, so we all went out to dinner and drinks and had a pretty big night. Of course I got home LATE and had to get up EARLY for work...so guess what, now I'm sick! My nose has been running all day and I haven't stopped sneezing and I know for a fact it's not hay fever. I don't get that itchy feeling on the roof of my mouth like I do with hay fever. So anyway, I've also been feeling tired all day and only just managed to pull through the entire day of work! Trust me, this is going to teach me not to stay out late if I have to go to work the next day!! So as you can imagine, tonight will be an early one for me :) I am gonna take Sudafed and go to bed...

But before I do, please say some extra prayers for little Katia as she only just had lung surgery yesterday. I know almost every one of you follow her incredibly journey and are already praying for her but those of you who have not yet had the pleasure to meet this gorgeous 3 year old, please do say some extra prayers for her...she is due to have her bone marrow transplant really soon and it is yet another lease of life for her.

I have some new friends! Please go by and say hello to...

Kendrie
Joseph
Nathan
Nikki
Tori
Stacey
Alexia
Lakota
Christopher
Madison
Tayden

So sad to find even more children on Caringbridge but so glad to be able to share their journey with them. I'll add them to my list below in my next update!

Hopefully I'll be feeling 100 percent the next time I write :) Have a great week everyone!

Lots of love,
Janice

Sunday, January 11, 2004

~*NEW PHOTOS*~

Hi everyone,

I just wanna thank all who came by and left me such sweet and comforting messages in the past few days for my mum's 16 month anniversary. I hadn't had the chance to check my messages since I updated last so it was a great surprise to see so many comforting messages awaiting me. As the days go on, sometimes it feels like it's getting harder, sometimes easier. I have always known in my mind that mum has gone to another place forever and that she is never coming back but I guess human nature is sometimes you just don't wanna believe it. I just really miss her.

Well, I hope everyone has had a great weekend...I had a really good weekend and Melbourne has been having some excellent summer weather! Two weeks ago it was scorching hot (Melbourne summer style!!!), last week it was freezing (it's TOO early for winter!!!) but just the past few days, we've been having the best weather...lots of sun and cool breezes :) I think I'm one of those people whose moods are directly proportional to the weather. So, good weather equals a happy Janice, gloomy weather equals a gloomy Janice! Haha. I started the weekend with a girls' night out on Friday night...my best girlfriends and I seem to have started this girls night out ritual every Friday nights...before, we just used to randomly pick a week and go out, but lately it has been EVERY Friday night and I love it! We went to the movies and watched "Something's Gotta Give"...it was so weird watching Keanu Reeves in a romantic comedy. I mean, he's always been Neo or "THE ONE" hasn't he?? On Saturday, we all had a BBQ at Karen's & Dean's...and of course whenever we have a BBQ, we just eat too much. Saturday night, Marcus and I went to a friend's birthday dinner at a Chinese restaurant (YUM!) and today Sunday was pretty much a lazy day...I also managed to do some grocery shopping today. Ohh and sometime between all that I did, I also managed to get the entire 1st season of Felicity on DVD...I think I looked like a kid on Christmas morning when I saw that it was in store. I was so happy.

My new job is going really well...I've enjoyed my first week. It's generally a smaller department to when I worked there back in September and it's also much quieter. This guy Steve who is training me is really cool and so easy going that he makes it such a pleasure to actually learn what I have to learn. As usual, work has been taking up most of my time lately and I find that there is just too little time to do anything else! Something that I still have to get used to...back in my uni days (I sound like such an old fart!), I had all the time in the world to do anything.

Well I have added some new photos to the photo album. It is just a couple of photos that I took at mum's grave back in Malaysia. I wanted to show everyone where exactly mum has been laid to rest. It is a very beautiful cemetery surrounded by lush green forests...it's in the outskirts of KL (about 1 1/2 hours drive) and it's very peaceful out there. I think it's a beautiful place to lay someone to rest.

Thanks everyone for checking in and do please sign the guestbook to let me know you came by. It is always so great to hear from all of you, even those whom I don't know. If you're checking in and you have an ill child, do please sign the guestbook and leave me a link to his/her website...I would love to make a visit and just leave a little "hello" note. So many of the kids have come to my attention through their parents signing my guestbook and I thank them for that. I mean if you think about it, it's really through the guestbooks that we get to know of other ill children that we've never visited before. Also, thank you for all your prayers! They are so appreciated.

Love, Janice

Thursday, January 8, 2004

Dearest mum,

Sixteen months ago, we sat by your hospital bed and held you as you started your journey to Heaven. It has been such a long grieving road since you left and the end of this road is nowhere near in sight. I think of you every single day and I miss you more than anything. I look around at my cousins, my friends, and even strangers and get so jealous that their mums are still here. I watch and observe their relationship, the way they speak to each other, the way they joke with each other, the way they look at each other and I think of you and what we had. I see the love and bond between them and only wish that you were still. I know we will ALWAYS have that special love and bond but it is so different and so hard not having you physically here. I have watched my friends argue, ignore or just simply take for granted their mothers and inside I keep thinking- don't you know what you have?? Don't you know how lucky you are that she's still here?? I would give ANYTHING to have just one more minute with you. It is so unfair. I have so many questions, but the biggest one is WHY? I know you're watching over each of us- dad, Karen, Dean, Adrian and me. And I hope you continue to do so because although we need you so much here physically, we can't have that so we need you even more spiritually. You are so dearly missed...

Loving you eternally,
Janice

Monday, January 5, 2004

Hi everyone!

This will be a short update. I forgot to update in my last journal that I actually started on a new temp job today. It is a 2 month job with the same company I worked for back in September-AAS- to do with Superannuation once again. But this time around, I'm not on the phones!!! Yipeee! I just process claims that come through, so that's pretty good. Something different. My hours are also pretty flexible, as long as I put in 7 1/2 hours each day, I'm really able to start and finish whatever time that suits me. I started at 9am and finished at 5pm today, but I'm thinking of going in a little earlier tomorrow. Tomorrow night is one of my best girlfriend, Steph's, birthday so we are all going out to dinner at an Indian restaurant... I can't wait!!! For those who don't already know me well, I just LOVE Indian food...actually, I love anything spicy :)

Karen & Dean are home safe and sound from Adelaide. Unfortunately they didn't have a very pleasant last 2 days on their trip...they had food poisoning in one of South Australia's little towns and apparently they both couldn't stop throwing up for nearly 2 days. Oooh, poor things. They're both much better now though, thank God. And it's back to work for them :)

I guess that's all for now...I only just wanted to update about my new job and Karen & Dean. I hope everyone has a great start to the week. Please keep the little ones in your prayers as always...and I'm still in the midst of going round the guestbooks...it is getting harder and harder! But I am making it a point to getting round to every single one that I have under my bookmarks...I think my bookmarks have increased significantly over the last couple of months to over 140 kids (both here and in Heaven) that I write to. PHEW! All very worthwhile though.

Goodnight & sweetest dreams!

Love, Janice

PS: How lazy am I...the Christmas decorations are still up here on this website :) But then again, I have been really sad to see the holiday season leave and I have always been the person who would leave the Christmas tree up till WAY after New Years! I'll promise to take them all down soon :)

Saturday, January 3, 2004

*~NEW PHOTOS!~*

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

Wow, hands up everyone who thought 2003 flew past just like that! (My hand is right UP there!). It never ceases to amaze me just how quickly time flies by...I still remember New Years from 3 years ago as if it was yesterday. Mum was still with us. On New Years Eve, I did think of mum quite a bit...the fact that she wasn't here to celebrate yet another year with us was constantly on my mind...there was that familiar sadness within me but I also knew that it was a new year and that she would've wanted me to make the most of the year, do the things that I wanted to, live my life to the fullest and just enjoy life- enjoy New Years Eve and not dwell on the fact that she wasn't there. So that's what I did, I picked myself up and enjoyed New Years Eve and it was a great one.

This New Years Eve was really beautiful. Marcus had organised for us to stay at the Sheraton Towers on Southbank right in the heart of Melbourne. He has actually organised it back in November and had kept it as a surprised but me being the curious person that I am could not wait for the surprise and just begged him to tell me what we were doing for New Years Eve. He told me (I managed to get it out of him after LOTS of persuading!!!) what he had planned and I was just so excited...I then arranged for us to have dinner at an Italian restaurant in the city called Bottega. The whole night was really great, it was a warm summer's night and I think everyone around Melbourne was just in the best New Year's spirit. I was so hanging out for the firewords so about 11.45pm we hurried back to the hotel. They had a special deck for the hotel guests to view the fireworks...and sure enough at 12am they went off and what a spectacular show it was!!! I just LOVE fireworks in general and on New Years Eve night it was the best fireworks show Melbourne had ever seen. It went on for a good whole 15 minutes. I don't think I've ever had a smile on my face that long before!!! I felt like I was just in this amazing trance filled with bright colours exploding everywhere...I don't know what other words to use to describe them...they were amazing. I guess you get the idea how much I loved them :)

Well seeing that it's the New Year...I do have a few resolutions on my list. One is to save money. I have a couple of specific things that I'm saving towards to... like money to travel to wherever I want to- mainly America. Another resolution is also to learn how to ski, so this year I might just make a couple of trips up to the snow with Karen, Dean & Marcus (they are big skiers! Marcus snowboards) and learn how to ski. And once I do, when I am able to make it to America, I could probably head up to Canada as well to ski. My thinking is, if I'm in the vicinity (America), I might as well go all over and seeing that Canada is just up north, I should make a point to head there too! Hehe. Another resolution is to appreciate my family and friends more...I mean, I already do appreciate them more than they know and I love each of them to death but I think I could make a little more effort in the keeping in touch area. I am really bad (well not REALLY bad, but pretty bad) with replying to emails or letters or making just a quick phone call to say hello...so this year, I'm telling myself that I have to put in that extra mile just to show them that I do love and appreciate their relationship/friendship to me. Also, another resolution would be to just be healthier in general...that is to eat healthier, to put in more effort in exercising and just losing weight (I say that every year, haha!). With all that has happened with mum and my aunties in my family, it will be stupid of me not to realise just how important health is...and if I wanna live till I'm 120, I think I should start getting healthy RIGHT NOW! I mean, I'm already pretty healthy I think...I don't pig out on junk food or anything, but I think more exercise will do me good. ANYWAY enough rambling...so those are my resolutions!

Adrian is now back in Melbourne! He arrived safely tonight at about 8.30pm, so I went to pick him up from the airport. I think he was a little sad to leave KL as most of his friends are still back there on summer vacation. He's back early in Melbourne for summer school which starts on Wednesday. Poor boy, I don't think he's had enough of his summer vacation.

Karen & Dean are doing well. They actually left early Monday morning for Adelaide. One of Karen's friends is getting married there and the wedding is this Saturday. So Karen & Dean were taking a slow drive and they were going camping on the way. They stopped at Halls Gap to camp and also at Robe. They should be in Adelaide by now as the wedding is tomorrow. Please keep them in your prayers for a safe trip home.

Well it's getting late and I'm gonna hit the sack right now...please keep my dad in your prayers as he's not feeling too well. I spoke to him today on the phone and he didn't sound good. He's down with what sounds like a really bad sore throat so let's hope he gets better soon! Rest all you can, dad! We're thinking of you.

Okay that's all folks, check out the new photos! Thanks ya'll for always checking in and signing the guestbook... I hope you've all had a great start to the new year. May 2004 bring each of you all that you hope and wish for and that your lives this year are filled with nothing but love, laughter, happiness, family and friends and endless miracles and blessings.

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, December 29, 2003

**~~WORLD IDOL: PLEASE VOTE FOR AUSSIE'S GUY SEBASTIAN!!!! GO THE FRO!!!~~**

Hi ya'll!

It's good to be back! Christmas was really beautiful this year for us all in the Land Down Under, and part of that is all due to the sadness that has surrounded Caringbridge this holiday season. We have lost so many kids recently and yes, it is heartbreaking and sad, and I know that no words I write can ease their pain but my heart is truly with them. And from this sadness, it only made my Christmas more beautiful and special as I appreciated all my family and friends around me, not forgetting dad and Adrian who weren't in Melbourne for Christmas but never far from our thoughts.

So like I said, it's really good to be back...I really have been so out of touch with Caringbridge lately. Because it has been so much a part of my life the past 10 months, I do get withdrawal symptoms when I don't do my usual guestbooks rounds and am not updated with how the kids are doing :) So YES it's good to be back! I have so much to update on...so this will be a long one, people!

Let's see, where to start...oh yes, NEW PHOTOS! Check em out! I'll start with my last day at my temp job the Tuesday before Christmas Eve. I was pretty glad to leave the job as I was so ready for a good holiday break between Christmas and New Years! I have to admit, it's been a little tough getting used to the "real world" in the sense that I don't get my long summer breaks anymore and I won't be getting an easter break or spring break. I used to love and just look forward so much to being on summer vacation for 3 whole months with nothing to do. But now, being in the real world and having a job (temp jobs anyway!), you don't get your days off or uni breaks...hard to let go, tough to get used to, but I'll have to learn to live with it! So much of me is so nervous is taking those first steps out there in the real world...back in high school, back in university, I had so much security around me...all I had to do was wake up, go to classes, study for finals, hang out with your friends as much as you could and that was it. Now, it's all about finding the right job, getting paid, supporting yourself and making sure you start out well so you live a decent life in the next 50 years. It seems like there is so much to take on, it's frightening but yet exciting...just the past few months, since starting with the various temp jobs that I've had, I've stopped to think many times of what exactly it is that I wanna do, that I wanna be...and to be truthfully honest, I still don't really know...I don't even know if that's normal to not know what exactly you want to do in life when you're 22. I've sat and thought of a possibly hundred things that I could see myself doing...but doing something just for the sake of doing it, and doing something AND loving it at the same time is two different ballgames and I am so looking out for the latter. My biggest fear (or one of my many BIG fears!) would be to be stuck in a job, no matter how good it pays, and hate it. I don't wanna wake up every morning and just groan and cringe at the thought of having to go to work or think of a million different reasons why I should call in sick. I don't ever wanna do that. When I was back in KL last month, my dad did give me some very good advice in which he said that just because I've graduated from university with a finance major, it doesn't mean that I have to work in a bank, or work with the stockmarket or work with what my degree tells me to do. He said that I could do whatever I wanted and that it did not necessarily mean what I graduated with. I had thought about that before, and it was good to hear it from dad as it validated what I felt about being in the dark of what I wanted to do...when I graduated in August, I thought to myself- so is finance what I have to do now for the rest of my life? I knew that I could do whatever I wanted and with dad's advice, it made it all clearer that yes, you do go to university to get a good degree, but not everyone steps out into the real world doing what the learnt at university. I got a really nice email today from a family friend of Angel Colby's family and in part of his email he wrote this:-

"Hope your life goals can stay up with what you have in mind. I'm sure they will. Sometimes the trail goes not where you think you want to go, but when you get to the end, it is where you were to be."

Tom, thank you for your words...I think you read my mind in all that I was thinking and fearing of stepping out into that real world. I hope you know how powerful and true your words are to me.

Well, enough of the real world for a minute! Let's get to Christmas :) So Christmas Eve, I spent most of the afternoon and night with Marcus' family. Then Christmas morning, I went over to Karen's & Dean's and then we all drove to Dean's grandma's (Geraldine) house. She only lives about 10 minutes up the road from them, so it wasn't too far at all. We got there at about just after 9am and you would not believe the number of presents there were under the Christmas tree! I think Santa did a GREAT job this year! Way to go Santa! Take a look at the photos I posted, the presents didn't even fit under the tree Geraldine had, but the did line the entire wall behind the tree though! I couldn't believe exactly how many presents there were for the 7 of us...it was amazing. I did think of the many kids who weren't gonna be getting any presents for Christmas but I knew that a lot of them would've gotten something anyway. KMART had their KMART Wish Tree up this year and Marcus did buy a toy from KMART a couple of weeks ago to put under the Wish Tree for a kid who wouldn't have had presents. So I thought that was a lovely thing of him to do. Anyway, so we spent nearly an hour opening presents...I got A LOT of cool stuff...mainly pampering stuff for my body, hands and feet...lots of soap, body scrubs, foot scrubs, eye mask, chocolate, lip balm, a hat...and my favourite- Karen & Dean got Marcus and I each a banana lounge!!! I was pretty excited...now I won't get sand up my butt whenever I go to the beach! :) After opening our presents, a few of Dean's relatives came over just to chat for a bit...we talked and drank champange...drank more champagne...and me, being the responsibly, designated driver that I am, only had one glass of champagne :) After Dean's relatives had left (they didn't stay for Christmas lunch), we started to get lunch ready and it was all ready at nearly 2pm! We had a whole lot to eat...started out with a yummy prawn salad... and that followed by the main course which of course included roast pork, turkey, ham roasted beans, carrots, potatoes and sweet potatoes...crackling (the best part!) and the usual apple and cranberry sauce...and like that wasn't enough, there was Christmas pudding for dessert with cream and custard! Okay I know I put on like 5kgs on Christmas day...but I think just typing it all out added on another 5!!! I'm sure I was MUCH, MUCH heavier after Christmas lunch...Karen and I did the dishes after Christmas lunch, and I actually had to take breaks to sit! My stomach was just so full. Luckily it all digested pretty quickly and I didn't feel so stuffed :) After lunch, everyone just fell asleep on the beds, couches, you name it, they were asleep on it!!! So all in all, it was a really great day with lots of good food and good company :) I hope everyone had a wonderful time too.

On Boxing Day, Karen & Dean had a BBQ at their house. They were given a BBQ set and it was their very first BBQ in that house! I think it was a pretty big moment :) For all of you outside of Australia, incase you don't already know, a BBQ is nearly a MUST in all households!!! We are big BBQ fans here Down Under! To us, SUMMER = BBQ BEER. So Dean was pretty stoked to have a BBQ...he was so confident that he'd be able to set it all up and get it ready for Boxing Day (Karen wasn't too sure!) but sure enough, he had it all going and we did have a nice quiet family BBQ.

Dean's sister Allison did a wonderful thing this Christmas. After we had all opened our presents on Christmas morning, she surprised us all with her last gift. She told us that she had started sponsoring a 10 year old child from Africa through World Vision. I thought that was just such a brilliant and giving thing to do and we are all so proud of her! Go Alli! Now one child will be better off because of another person all the way across the world. A dollar a day is all it takes!

Friday night, I had a girls night here in my apartment and we spent it watching World Idol. Now it's a shame that we can't vote for those from our own country- so please you guys, VOTE for Aussie's GUY SEBASTIAN!!!! He has an amazing voice...and if you don't know much about him, he was actually born in Malaysia but moved to Australia when he was about 6. He's an absolutely brilliant singer. VOTE GUY! Check out his hair! GO THE FRO! And I think Kelly Clarkson is awesome too! Go Miss Independent!

Well, in fear of putting all of you to sleep (sorry for those who've already started nodding off even before I started on Christmas lunch), I will end it here for today... please remember Heaven's newest angels. I have added them to my angel list above. And just today, I have learnt that little Max's battle with AML ended as his journey to Heaven started. A couple of months ago, the doctors didn't think he would make it through Christmas but look what Max did... he hung in there. That was Max! He really fought and he hung in there as long as he could and he had one last Christmas with his family. Rest in peace, Spiderman, I will never forget you. Also, little Nicholas grew his angel wings surrounded by his loving family. What a tough holiday season this has been...it is so incredibly heartbreaking, heartwrenching and painful to see these little kids, barely 5 years old, lose their lives...but I know that what I feel isn't even anywhere close to how their parents must be feeling. If you haven't lost a child, you wouldn't know what it's like. Just like I believe, if you haven't lost a mother, you wouldn't know what it's like. You can share the pain and understand it but you could never truly KNOW what it's like. So to all our angels' families on Caringbridge, I DON'T know what it's like...but you are all in my thoughts and prayers and I will pray for whatever it takes to get you through what would be the most difficult time in your lives.

Please keep the people of Iran in your prayers as they start to live the nightmare of the earthquake's aftermath. Watching all the footage on TV, it just brought back memories of September 11th even though what happened in Iran was all to do with mother nature. Watching the men, women and children cry out for their loved ones, cry out in devastation of losing all of their families...it made me feel lucky once again to know that I don't even know what it's like to be them, that I don't even know what or how it is that they're feeling. Last night on the news, a man in Bam said that he lost his wife, his parents and all of his brothers and sisters... tears literally came to my eyes. Imagine losing all that you know and all that you love in a matter of seconds. It makes you think twice. It really does.

The new year is slowly drawing in...I would LOVE to hear what everyone's new years resolution(s) are! I have given thought to mine (I have a whole list!) and I will share them with you in my next update :) In the mean time, let's all hope for a great 2004 with lots of good times and great blessings.

Love, Janice

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Hi everyone!

I know it's been awhile since my last update! I have been nowhere near the computer since Christmas Eve (although I did manage to check in on a few kids). I had a GREAT Christmas this year with lots of foods, presents and family all around (dad & Adrian, wish you guys could've been here!). But I will update everyone with all the details in a couple of days. Just wanted to update today and let everyone know that I haven't completely disappeared, and that I WILL be back in the next couple of days. I haven't been able to go round the guestbooks too which is a bit of a shame but know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers, especially those who've lost their little ones recently. Please don't forget the families of Heaven's newest angels- Adam, Sean, and Jake as the Christmas season comes to an end and we welcome the new year in...just a message or two to them would mean the world to these families. Thank you ALL for your love and prayers.

I'll update again in the next couple of days and stay tuned for PHOTOS and MORE PHOTOS!

Lots of love,
Janice

Saturday, December 20, 2003

~UPDATE: 22 December~

Beautiful Adam got his angel wings yesterday...it really can't get anymore depressing. It's Christmas for crying out loud. Rest in peace little ones...

~UPDATE: 21 December~

We lost Sean too...he was the most inspiring guy. Laura, my heart is with you and your family. Know that your family is in my prayers... Rest In Peace, Sean...

Hi everyone,

This journal entry will be short...there is just too much sadness surrounding Caringbridge at the moment.

It is with great sadness that I report we lost two of the most darling little ones at Caringbridge. On December 17th, Dustin's battle with AML came to an end as he flew into the gates of Heaven while his family surrounded his tired little body. We also lost Jake on December 18th as he gained his angel wings while in the arms of his mommy and daddy. My heart goes out to both their families, both these boys were dear to my heart and will never be forgotten...I am thankful and grateful for having been able to follow their journey and all that they've accomplished in their short lives. Please go by their sites and leave a note of love and comfort to their extremely heartbroken parents.

No amount of presents or carols or holiday spirit can take away the pain that their loved ones are feeling, or anyone out there grieving...you are all in my prayers, and I hope you have a blessed and safe weekend. Thanks for your messages and emails...they are all greatly appreciated, more than you'll ever know.

Love, Janice

Thursday, December 18, 2003 ~*7 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS*~

Hi ya'll,
It's been quite a few days since my last update- SORRY!!! I have just been so busy with work and by the time I get home it doesn't leave me much time to do much else, but I'll get to that later...

Okay, this just PLAIN SUCKS. My little buddy Jake is NOT doing well at all...this little guy has been fighting for a long time and he was doing really well at one stage and was just a ball of energy bouncing off walls...he has just recently taken an extreme turn for the worst...his family don't know how much longer he has but just pray that Jake is able to hang in there for Christmas and also for his birthday on the 2nd of January. As you can imagine, his parents are more than devastated...so please go by Jake's site and leave all of them some words of love, comfort and support. Just as I see some kids starting to do really well, some of my other little buddies take a bad turn...

Sometimes I wish I could do so much more for these kids than just leaving messages in their guestbooks. I think if I lived closer to any of them, I'd be unemployed with my days spent cheering each of them up! I have always been such a "kids-person"...when I was younger, I used to LOVE just watching and playing with my baby cousins...and I was so addicted to the Babysitters Club because they actually spent most of the time with little kids doing fun things with them...I have always had a soft spot for babies ever since I could remember. One of my new years resolutions for 2004 is to volunteer at the Children's Hospital here in Melbourne.

So the past few days have been pretty busy at work...it was supposed to be my last day at the office on Tuesday but it's THAT busy that they need us till next Tuesday, so I'll be there till then. And then hopefully I'll get about a week or so off before starting another job...I would REALLY, REALLY love a good Christmas and New Year's break! Also, if you could, please cross your fingers for me that the temp job at AXA comes though just after new years! :)

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around here...the weather has been an absolute killer. Earlier on in the week was really hot, I would say early 30's to mid 30's (celcius) and yesterday- WHOA!- Yesterday reached a high of 39 degrees!!!!!! Can you believe that?? It was just so ridiculously hot that I literally could not drive my car as the steering wheel felt like it was on fire (there was no shade to park under at work). The next week or so should be reasonably cool with the temperature in the low and mid 20's, along with rain and possible thunderstorms! Okay I sound like the CNN weather bereau so I'll move on...

I spoke to Aunty Janet tonight for the first time since I've been back in Melbourne...everything seems to be looking good on her side, her check ups went well and her scans and mammograms all came back CLEAR which is excellent news! Her next check up will be in February. I am so proud of what a survivor she truly is. My Aunty Maureen (also fighting breast cancer) has just finished her round of oral chemo and has a check up tomorrow so please keep her in your prayers. And also, my Aunty Lorna seems to be doing just fine and recovering well from her brain surgery she had last month...all good news! Which is nice, seeing that it is Christmas...

Before I forget, we lost dear Alyssa last Saturday...I can't even begin to imagine losing a loved one so close to Christmas. My heart goes out to all the families out there who are grieving when they should be laughing, singing carols and just enjoying the holiday season. It has taken me nearly 2 Christmases (maybe I was still in shock and denial last Christmas) to realise just how empty Christmas is without my beautiful mum beside me... last month when I was back in KL...something felt so different and so "wrong"...I had a whole lot of different reasons as to why I felt that way and one of them was because we didn't put up the Christmas tree in our KL home...when mum was around, we would've definitely put the tree up, sometimes even as early as mid to late November because we just loved putting the tree up. But this time around, we didn't and it hit me yet again that she isn't here with us...I find the grieving process to be a very dynamic process...it's not constant and it's not the same every single day...some days I find myself feeling truly happy and content with how everything is going in my life and that even though mum isn't here, she is still with me in spirit and my state of mind on those particular days feel extremely positive about everything...even her death. That it was for the better, that she is now cancer-free. But then, there are other days where I just seem to think of her constantly and think of her last weeks, her last days...think of her entire journey and the amount of suffering she went through...the battle that she HAD to fight which she DIDN'T want to fight, and I think of her having not been in my life for the past 15 months and of her not being in my life for the rest of my life and I just start to wallow in self pity and get sad... and then of course there are the in between days where I think of her but not that much...just random thoughts of her and random memories of our time together and then before I know it they've floated away and I'm back concentrating on what I was doing before my mind started drifting off to thougts of her. And those days don't bother me one bit. So, I've found that grief indeed comes in waves...there are big waves, small waves and the eventually roll away but they are not gone for good...there will ALWAYS be another wave on its way...you don't stop grieving. The pain may lessen but it is never completely gone. It has taken me 15 months to KNOW that the pain that I had in losing my mum is slowly (and I mean REALLY slowly) lessening...having said that, the pain is still great. Pain is pain. It HAS to hurt and it still does. It always will.

Well I'm sorry if I rambled on a bit too much tonight! I'm really tired, it's been a long day! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend...and please don't forget to keep the little ones in your prayers. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

Love, Janice

PS: I know a few of you have emailed me about graphics and html codes, I will be replying to each of your emails SOON and that's a promise!

Sunday, December 14, 2003 ~*11 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS*~

NEW PHOTOS!!!

Hey everyone,

I hope you've all had a great weekend...I can't believe how quickly it's gone by despite my efforts in making it all go by as SLOWLY as possible (it never works!)...

This weekend has been pretty eventful. But I'll start with my first day on the new temp job on Friday shall I! Well it took me about 40 minutes in morning traffic to get there, which isn't too bad...I was expecting a lot worse which was why I gave myself about a hour or so on the road, but ended up being 30 minutes early on my first day...hey, better early than late right! I've got a first impression here to make! :) The office was fairly new and large, the lady I had to report to was a spitting image of Marisa Tomei, hehe. They were all pretty nice...I was introduced to another girl Tamara who was also there from the same recruitment agency as me, so we quickly became friends. Then we were introduced to more temps also on the same job as us. We were given a short briefing in what was expected from us and then we got straight onto the phones! Making outbound calls is so much better I have to admit.. everything is scripted so it's easier in that sense that I know what to expect from the phone conversation...and the calls are much quicker too so it's not as exhausting. I also haven't been yelled at by cranky callers! I was quite surprised with how calm and understanding all our customers were actually...I mean, their cars were hit by hailstones the size of golf and cricket balls for crying out loud. So that was work.

After work on Friday, I rushed home (took me nearly an hour in peak hour traffic!), had a shower and went out to the city with my 3 best girlfriends from high school...we went out to dinner and a movie- Love Actually- which is the most romantic and hilarious movie. Highly recommended! It's been awhile since all 4 of us have been able to do soemthing together, so it was nice to just hang out altogether! Makes me really miss the good ol days in high school when I saw my friends every single day (and weekends too!). Saturday I had a few errands to run, so I did that most of the day...thought I'd take the chance to run to the post office and do other things which I won't be able to do during the week because of work. Saturday night, Marcus and I caught up with a couple of my friends whom I haven't seen in a long time...so that was good too! And this morning was just spent doing Christmas shopping and the rest of the day was pretty lazy :) I also took my car to the car wash (it hasn't had a decent wash since dad was in Melbourne which was FIVE months ago!!! Haha) but the car wash was closed!

Well, back to work, back to work...I gotta go get my beauty sleep so I look decent for tomorrow. My recruitment company is having a Christmas party this Wednesday so I'm looking forward to that! Since Dean works there too so he'll also be there and a couple of good friends that I made in my last job will be there too...so it'll be a good night!

Before I go, there's a special prayer request I'd like to make...little Alyssa is a 6 year old with a brain tumour. Her MRI back in October showed that the tumour had shrunk but just off late she has taken a real turn for the worst and her tumour appears to be growing considerably...please keep her in your prayers and go by her website and offer her family some words of love and encouragement...they would really appreciate it! Thank you! Also don't forget the other little ones in desperate need of a Christmas miracle- Katia, Dustin, Marshall, Nicholas, Mark, Marcus, Adam, Cameron, Sean, Max and many more...all their links are below.

Only 11 days till Christmas! And I'm DEFINITELY in Christmas mode right now...all I wanna hear are Christmas carols and watch Christmas movies. Hehe. I hope everyone is truly enjoying this holiday season with all their loved ones around them and I hope those who've lost their loved ones and those with their loved ones fighting for their lives are all granted the comfort, peace and strength by God to get through this holiday season and that you only see miracles happen during this time. Thanks for all your messages and emails and thanks for checking in!

Lots of love,
Janice

Thursday, December 11, 2003

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~*UPDATE: 13TH DECEMBER~*

We lost sweet Davin on Thursday... please keep his family in your prayers... PLEASE PRAY CANCER STOPS TAKING OUR LITTLE ONES AWAY!!!!!!!!

I found a couple of other Caringbridge friends to visit...Sara is a young woman currently fighting AML and she was transplanted only recently in October...she is now positive with the CMV virus and this dangerous virus can affect many of the body's organs, so please pray that Sara is able to get rid of this virus soon! Another website to visit is a 16 year old boy, Tom who is fighting Fanconi Anemia and was transplanted only last month. He is now experiencing a small setback- PNEUMONIA- so please keep him in your prayers. As we all know the 100 days post-transplant are the most critical so Sara and Tom and all the others out there who've just recently been transplanted could do with the extra prayers! THANK YOU!

Now let me go and do the "I'm so happy the weekend's here" dance!!!

Lots & lots & lots of love,
Janice

~*~*Rest well, sweet Davin*~*~

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I FOUND THE CORD!!!

I only put up the pictures of the Christmas trees (check 'em out!) but there are more pictures yet to come! So stay tuned... well I really only wanted to update for a few reasons...firstly was the big deal with the photos (I know, I know, it took me TOO long to get them up). Secondly, they're still not sure when I'm able to start the job with AXA so I've got another job for 3 days starting tomorrow with an insurance company making outbound calls (AARGH, they're putting me on the phones again!!!)...it's only for 3 days though so it can't be that bad. Apparently with the horrible storm that Melbourne had last week a lot of insurance calls need to be made. The storm brought hailstorms with hailstones the size of golfballs! So I can assure you there'll be a lot of cranky folks out there which I've been told not to take to heart if they start yelling at me. Oh I can't wait to start this job. Okay, thirdly, I just added a whole bunch of kids (and one new adult) to my prayer list below. So please be sure to check them out and visit their sites when you can. The ones highlighted in an orange-ish/red-ish colour means they are in desperate need of a miracle/prayers so if you could say some extra prayers for them, it would be so appreciated. I just can't believe how many new kids I've discovered in the past month since I've been away...it's too depressing yet it's reality. Something really cool happened today actually...I made a trip to the supermarket and just as I parked my car and got out of the car, this guy came up to me. I thought he was the ticket inspector ready to give me a ticket (even though I KNEW I did nothing wrong) but his first line to me was "Excuse me, I've noticed you just parked your car in a smile zone but you don't have a smile on your face"..and I'm standing there thinking, since when did we have "smile zones" in supermarket parking lots and when do people get out of their cars with smiles plastered across their faces??? Then he handed me a sticker with a huge smiley face on it and said that he was from the one of the charities supporting childhood cancer. I made a little donation and took the sticker from him and couldn't help but let out a smile as I turned away from him. So anyway! Please do check out my prayer list below and I thank you all for doing so!

The weekend's here!!! Have a great one :)

Love, Janice

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

I still haven't found that darn cord! I have a feeling it may be with Adrian in KL...

Well, guess what...I didn't start my new job today. The lady called me yesterday saying that the investments department hadn't actually arranged a place for me and the other girl also starting with me, so we didn't have a place to sit in the office...she said she'll let us know when we can start ASAP...and if another job pops up, we could take up the other offer instead...which I hope will not be a call-centre job! :) So in the mean time...I wait!

It was SO HOT here yesterday (nearly 40 degrees celcius)...and last night was the hottest December night we've had in awhile...it only went down to 26 degrees. No wonder I had trouble sleeping! My apartment looks like a resort...the pool is always filled with people and kids (I think the water's starting to turn a milky green colour-EWW!) and the BBQ is being used a whole lot...I'm thinking of having a BBQ with all of my friends but seeing how there's always someone using it (it's a communal BBQ pit), the trick would be to get there FIRST and reserve it for the entire day! So we can all just BBQ and chill by the pool! Hehe.

Anyway, I was watching Oprah (I LOVE OPRAH!) yesterday and she had Bebe Winans on and he sang the most beautiful Christmas song...the lyrics are below...have a read!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone! I'm off to search for that cord... how hard can it be to look for one tiny cord? Really??

Love, Janice

My Christmas Prayer

I pray for peace
Blessings and hope
Heaven right earth's despair
This is my Christmas prayer
For those that grieve
God will bring comfort
Laughter will rapture there
This is my Christmas prayer
I pray for you
That you triumph and conquer
And possess the strength you need to bear
This is my Christmas prayer
For those in need
There would be plenty
And each other's burdens share
This is my Christmas prayer
So let hope fill our hearts
Shine the light through the dark
All around the world and everywhere
I will pray
This Christmas prayer
See I pray that love will rule and reign
And I pray that time will rid the pain
Of this world as we learn to trust and care
This is...
My Christmas prayer

~Bebe Winans~

Tuesday, December 9, 2003

Hi everyone!

Okay I know I said new photos will be posted, but I couldn't find the little cord that connects the digital camera to the laptop...BUT, I'll try looking for it again, and hopefully it's tucked away somewhere in the little pockets of the laptop bag.

My flight back to Melbourne was pretty good...I actually managed to get a couple of hours sleep (it's a 7 1/2 hour flight!) so I guess that means that the flight was reasonably comfortable...I was out of the airport in no time...I've been so lucky with my luggage the past few times I've been flying...I'm usually only waiting for about 10 to 15 minutes for my luggage...I remember having to wait for 45 minutes once! A total pain!

On Sunday, Karen & Dean bought their Christmas tree from a sale just around the corner from their house..and the proceeds were going to a Multiple Sclerosis charity. It's a GORGEOUS tree...not very tall, about 5ft, but it's very green and full and it smells VERY citrus-ey! So Karen and I spent a couple of hours dressing up the tree...I love decorating Christmas trees...it's actually one of my favourite parts of Christmas (besides food, carols and presents!). We took a before and after shot of the tree so when I find that cord, ya'll can have a look! Karen & Dean are doing well...they have been extremely busy at work lately and on the weekends, they spend most of their time helping out at Dean's grandma's house with the painting (her house is currently being renovated)..so they haven't really had much time to do anything else...this year, Christmas will be at Dean's grandma's house so they're all trying to get the house ready for Christmas!

Okay GOOD NEWS! I've got another job! It's also a temporary job and this time I won't be answering any calls
(YES!)...I'll actually be involved with the transactions and processing within the investments department in a huge corporation called AXA, which deals with investment/financial/insurance services. I start tomorrow! And it goes for just over a month. It'll be pretty exciting to start this new temporary job...new things to do, new challenges to face, new friends to make! We'll see how it all goes :)

Before I go today, I'd like to ask everyone to say some extra prayers for Dustin...he really isn't doing good at the moment and has been readmitted to the hospital for fevers...please pray that this beautiful boy gets to enjoy his Christmas, and also pray for his miracle. Don't forget all the other little ones needing prayers...Max, Dakoda, Jeffrey, Becki, Cameron and many, many others. If you could go by their sites and just say hello, that would be so great...I know it's so hard to get around the guestbooks (trust me, I KNOW!)...so even if it's just once a week or once in 2 weeks...no matter what, I'm sure it will bring a smile to their faces...and even to the faces of their families. Thank you all for your love, kindness and generosity!!

Today is scorchingly (I don't think that's a word but who cares!) hot...it's forecasted to be 36 degrees (Celcius)!!! And now, I'm off to do the grocery shopping.. I hope everyone has had a great start to the week... wish me luck on my first day tomorrow!

Lots of love,
Janice

Monday, December 8, 2003

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to quickly let ya'll know that I have arrived safely in Melbourne! The weather here is just SUPERB!!! I can't write much now but I'll write more tomorrow and also, get ready for this, POST NEW PHOTOS!!! The photos in the album are so old (from October!) but I've got some new ones so stay tuned! I have a whole heap of errands to do today so I have to get going...I hope you've all had a great weekend, sorry if you haven't seen me around the guestbooks lately, I'll try catch up ASAP...till tomorrow, thanks for checking in!

Love always,
Janice

~*Dearest mum, 15 months ago today, you flew into God's arms and saw Heaven for the first time...I think of you every single day and miss you even more as each day passes... I can't wait to see you again!*~

Wednesday, December 3, 2003

~*UPDATE 4TH DECEMBER*~
I leave KL tomorrow! My plane takes off at 9.50am...and I'll be arriving Melbourne around 8.30pm...wish me a safe and comfy flight, with COOl movies to keep me entertained :) I'll be making my rounds in the guestbooks when I touch down in the Land Down Underrrr...till then, I hope ya'll have a safe, happy, blessed & fun-filled weekend!

Lots of love to all,
Janice

Hey everyone!

1 1/2 days till I fly back to Melbourne...guess I should start packing! It feels like I've been away from Melbourne for so long...but it's only been a month. My vacation is NEARLY over, time to head back and look for another temporary job! I'm hoping that my permanent residency applications comes through pretty quickly (and not 7 months like they said!)...please cross your fingers and toes for me :)

Okay I know I haven't updated much about my Aunt Lorna... but that's because I've only now got the recent update. She is now HOME SWEET HOME! Which is great...she was discharged last Wednesday...she was actually meant to be discharged before then but they discovered an air bubble after her surgery and there was the swelling of her brain as well, so they kept her for longer...they gave her oxygen to get rid of the air bubble. She is now home and just starting her long road to recuperation...having said that she is home sweet home, she still needs a lot of prayers...she is still experiencing A LOT of pain and because the right side of her brain was operated on, it has affected her left hand...she can't grip things very well with her left hand and keeps dropping things. Also, because of her brain surgery, she is now a temporary diabetic (she was never a diabetic in the first place), but this is only temporarily and will go away as she recovers...my other aunts also say that Aunt Lorna seems to be in good spirits! She is a real fighter, this one. Her spirits are up and she seems to be her normal cheerful self which is superb. This is only the start to her long road to healing, but in the long run, things are looking good for her...the tumour that was taken out has been confirmed to be benign which is the most important news of all. So if you could please continue to keep her and her family in your prayers, that would be so appreciated! Thank you!

Well yesterday, Adrian and I caught up with some of our Aunts (before I fly off to Melbourne)...Aunt Peggy & Auny Ellie took us and cousin Deb out to lunch...we were actually gonna drop in to see Aunt Lorna but she had an appointment at the hospital all morning, so we couldn't see her :( So instead, we went out to lunch and just did window shopping! Aunt Peggy had just returned from a trip to Vietnam so she had a lot of stories for us...most of which were scary since it is currently the monsoon season and the flight to Vietnam was *very turbulent* to say the least...Deb who was also on the trip said she saw her life flash before her eyes!!! It was that bad. We're all just thankful they're home safe and sound. A trip to Vietnam anyone??

~Prayer request of today~
Please say a special prayer for Marcus. He is a beautiful 7 year old fighting ALL and has only just relapsed very recently...this of course is devastating news as he was transplanted only in August and a relapse this soon after transplant and the doctors don't have much hope for him. Nevertheless, we here at Caringbridge have hopes for every single child, whether they doctors say they only have a week or a year...please pray for Marcus' miracle and perfect healing. Please go by his website and let him and his family know that you are thinking of them and praying for them.

Of course, please also don't forget the others who are in need of prayers- Sean, Katia, Dustin, Dakoda, Jeffrey, Baby Shanna, Rebecka, Kaycey, Adam, Cameron and many others...all their links are below so please be sure to check them out. Thank you so much!

Being back in KL, I have really enjoyed playing the piano again...I don't have a piano in Melbourne so I don't get a chance to play it over there. So everytime I come back to KL, I just look forward so much to hitting those keys!!! I've been playing the piano since I was 7 and I just find so much comfort in it...it's amazing. Sometimes I just sit at the piano and start playing and the next thing I know, it's been over 2 hours and I don't even realise it :) Mum used to love hearing me play...she's ask me to play all of her favourite songs and hymns, which of course I'd gladly play...until she keeps telling me to play them over and over and over again...and then I go, "I don't know what our neighbours would think!"...today, I was playing the piano and just discovered a song that mum used to really love...I thought I had lost the song but I found it again and was just so extremely happy I found it...the song is called "I'm Your Angel" and I felt like it was a sign from mum letting me know that she's my angel and that she wanted me to play it so she could hear it from Heaven.

So with that, I will leave you one of mum's ALL TIME FAVOURITE songs...it's a truly beautiful song, written by R. Kelly...if you get a chance, please listen to it...

As always, thank you for checking in and thank you to those who pray for me, my family, my little ones and for taking the time to leave me a message or two...you guys are awesome!

Love, Janice

I'm Your Angel

No mountain's too high
for your to climb,
All you have to do
is have some climbing faith.

No river's too wide
for you to make it across,
All you have to do
is believe it when you pray.

And then you will see
the morning will come,
And everyday will be
bright as the sun,

All of your fears
cast them on me,
I just want you to see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky,
I'll be your shoulder when you cry,
I'll hear your voices when you call me,
I am your angel.

And when all hope is gone, I'm here,
No matter how far you are, I'm near,
It makes no difference who you are,
I am your angel...
I'm your angel...

I saw the tear drops,
and I heard you cry.
All you need is time,
seek me and you shall find,

You have everything and you're lonely,
It don't have to be this way,
let me show you a better day.

And then you will see
the morning will come,
And everyday will be
bright as the sun,

All of your fears
cast them on me,
How can I make you see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky,
I'll be your shoulder when you cry,
I'll hear your voices when you call me,
I am your angel.

And when all hope is gone, I'm here,
No matter how far you are, I'm near,
It makes no difference who you are,

And when it's time to face the storm,
I'll be right by your side,
Grace will keep us safe and warm,
I know we will survive.

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near,
Don't you dare give up the fight,
Just put your trust beyond the skies....

I'll be your cloud up in the sky,
I'll be your shoulder when you cry,
I'll hear your voices when you call me,
I am your angel.

And when all hope is gone, I'm here,
No matter how far you are, I'm near,
It makes no difference who you are,
I am your angel,
I'm your angel...

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Hi everyone!

I hope ya'll are having a great weekend so far! As for me... the weekend has come and gone...but it doesn't make a difference right now :)

Well I don't really have too much to report but I have just been trying to enjoy the last days of my vacation...I fly back to Melbourne in 5 days! Summer here I come! I've been spending a fair bit of time with my friends and the more time I spend with them, I realise even more just how much I'm gonna be missing them when I leave...we still keep in touch through email and the occasional phone call but it is never the same as rounding up all my girlfriends in a matter of 10 minutes, and just kicking our heels up and relaxing around a table full of dessert and coffee!!! I am gonna miss all of them so badly...I've been convincing them to move back to Melbourne!

I'm guessing the next week will be mainly catching up with relatives (and friends of course) before I leave... yesterday, my Aunt Ellie and cousin Grace and I went out to lunch and then a little window shopping at the new shopping centre that just came up in the city called Times Square (it's NOTHING like New York!)...I can see the Christmas spirit everywhere...all the decorations are up.. the Christmas trees are out...the lights are up...and yesterday at Times Square they had an auction of Christmas trees decorated by underpriveleged children from different children's homes...and they were all auctioned off for a rather large amount of money! In the thousands for each tree! (there were at least 10 trees). So it was definitely for a good cause...all the money went to the children's homes. How generous of the public...now that's the spirit of Christmas!

I bet if mum was here today, she'd be busy making all sorts of arts and crafts to raise money for a wonderful Christmas for the disabled home she devoted so much of her time to. And she'd also probably be planning (along with her friends) a Christmas party for the disabled...and lots of fun and games to go with it all...she was always so giving.

Anyway, it will be another bittersweet Christmas without mum. This Christmas half our family will be in different countries! Dad & Adrian will be here in KL...and I will be in Melbourne with Karen & Dean. But although we'll be so far apart, we'll all still be together in spirit...I wonder what Christmas is like in Heaven?

Before I go today, here are my prayer requests...first of all, to a really special guy, Sean, who is fighting Ewing's Sarcoma. He has just learnt that the cancer has come back in his leg...it's growing rapidly and there's nothing the doctor's can do. Sean is now home just trying to make the most out of his days...this guy has been through SO much...and I have drawn a great deal of inspiration from him...he is also now in pain, so please pray for his comfort and most importantly for his miracle. Hang in there Sean! Also, little Katia may now need lung surgery...they are still not 100 percent sure though but it is looking that way... please pray for her doctors to find the answers and for them to make the right decisions in what's best for Katia. As most of you would know, Baby Shanna who had her transplant back in July has been doing totally awesome...she hasn't had anything major come her way since being transplanted (thank GOD!) but she now has an infection and is on antibiotics...please pray for her body to rid of this infection so she can continue her road to recovery...she is one tough baby!

On a special note, a friend of mine, Leah, has had some bad news lately...her grandma Penny has just been diagnosed with bone cancer, so please say some extra prayers for her, Leah and their family...I will get updates from Leah on how her grandma is doing with everything and will let ya'll know on the progress! Leah, we're all thinking of you and praying for your grandma.. hang in there!

I guess that's all for tonight folks, I've added a few more kids to my list below so please check em out! Thank you for always checking in on me and my little ones... hope you've all had a great Thanksgiving! I got so hungry going around websites looking at turkey pictures and hearing about all of your food!!! Haha!

Lots of love,
Janice

Thursday, November 27, 2003

Hi guys!

I'd like to start off today by asking all of you who so religiously, kindly and willingly checks in on me and my little buddies to please say some serious prayers for a few Caringbridge kids...first of all, a gorgeous 4 year old boy, Dustin is in need of a special miracle...they have recently learnt that his lungs are filling up with leukemia and that the only thing they can do right now is think of ways to prolong his little life...he only just turned 4 and this is definitely NOT a birthday present anyone had in mind...so PLEASE keep Dustin in your prayers.

Also, please continue to pray for Max and his perfect miracle too...his cancer has now entered his bloodstream is therefore just all over, so PLEASE pray for a Christmas miracle...he is the BIGGEST Spiderman fan I know, so if you're wanting to send him a gift...you know where to start looking :)

Becki also still very much needs all our prayers as she is still on Bi-Pap fighting for her live...please pray she can bust out of the ICU soon! It would be the perfect Christmas present!

Lately we've just been having so much bad news on Caringbridge with so many of our little friends earning their angel wings...where and when does it all stop? With all this bad news, I am just so glad that there is at least some good news with a few of the kids...Jeffrey is still in remission, thank you God, since he's been going through chemo again...Dakoda's tumour seems to be stabilising with chemo...

Please continue to pray for all children of Caringbridge...Katia, Kody, baby Shanna (who has an infection and could use the prayers!), Kaycey, Cassidy and the many, many others who are not listed on my website... Caring bridge has over 12,000 websites, please pray for each and everyone of them...

And as always, THANK YOU...and I mean it with all my heart, THANK YOU for your prayers...I truly believe they work wonders...so many times in the past, most of which during my mum's illness, that I prayed my hardest and my prayers worked...I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am having such a wonderful time going by the sites and seeing what everyone is thankful for... and with that, I will leave my thanks...

Janice is VERY thankful for.......

Her family..

I am thankful for my wonderful dad...I am thankful that he has his health, that he is slowly moving on, that he has always been there for me, that he has always been supportive of me, for all that he has taught me and all that he has given me. I am thankful for my big sister Karen, for always being so supportive in EVERYTHING...I seriously don't know what I would do without her. She has always been the person I've looked up to since I can remember. I am thankful for all she has done for me. I am thankful for my brother in law Dean, for all that he has taught me and all of his support. I am thankful for my little brother Adrian, for always loving me still despite all our arguments and constant bickering (as mum would put it!). I'm thankful for all of my aunts and uncles for all the love and support they've shown...I'm especially thankful for my Aunty Janet, for all of her love and support...her generous, comforting and encouraging words that have helped me so many times in the past year. I'm thankful for her health, for her to have fought and beaten the ugly monster. I am thankful for all my cousins, for their love and friendship...I am especially thankful for my cousin Tracy who I've always felt has been my "other sister" whom I've also always looked upto...I am thankful for her love for TV as she will always be my TV addict sidekick.

Her friends...

I am thankful for my wonderful boyfriend, Marcus, who has also been my best friend. I am thankful for his love, support, patience and understanding the past year...I am thankful for all the fun we always have together. I am thankful for every single one of my friends...even when they didn't know what to say...their actions said more than I could have ever asked for. I am thankful for their humour and for their ability to always cheer me up and make my worries seem like they were yesterday.

God...

I am thankful for our God high above...for always being there and watching over my family. For the love, hope and belief he showed my mum, and for the love, hope and belief he continues to show my Aunty Janet, Aunty Maureen and Aunty Lorna. I am thankful for all He has done for me.. and I KNOW that He has done a lot...there are too many to list. I am thankful to know that he is only a prayer away.

Her Caringbridge family...

I am thankful for having found Caringbridge...for having "met" the families and kids I have met...I am thankful for the friendships I have built...for all that I've learnt and continue to learn...for the wisdom I've gained...for the insight of a world I hardly knew existed...for opening my eyes to a million and one different things...for the love, support and generosity of people she can now call friends living thousands of miles away in countries half way across the world...

Herself...

I am thankful for being here today. For being able to wake up in the mornings and realise that I have yet another day to live and to fulfill. I am thankful for everything that has happened in the past year...for being able to handle university under incredible amount of stress...for graduating...for taking my first step in the real world...

And last but not least...her MUM...

I am thankful for my mother...the person that she was physically with me...and the persons he continues to be in my memory...I am thankful for all that she has given me and all that she has taught me...even after being gone. I am thankful for how her illness opened my eyes and what it taught me physically, mentally and emotionally...I am thankful for every single day I had with mum before she was diagnosed and after. She was given 3-4 months to live after diagnose...I am thankful for the 4 1/2 years God gave her. I am thankful for her. For her grace, for her beauty, for her courage and for her strength. I am thankful for the knowledge that I will see her again...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!

PS: I am THANKFUL for TV, for music, for my piano, for the beach and for summer to be here!!!

Lots of love and thanks,
Janice
XOXOXO

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

~UPDATE: 26th November~
Hi everyone, for some reason my computer started playing up this afternoon and the mouse isn't working...I've been surfing the internet and and updating without a mouse! Didn't think you could do it huh....but YOU CAN...it's just plain annoying. Never knew I relied on a mouse that much...hopefully we'll be getting a new one soon.

My trip to Singapore was awesome...it's been a long time since I did THAT much walking!!! My entire trip was completely exhausting but all very worth it! Let's see...what did I do...I shopped...ate...went to the movies...ate some more...shopped some more...walked...walked...walked... shopped...WALKED more...oh and did I mention SHOPPING? Yes I came home with a lot of things (namely all my shopping!)...I even had to borrow another bag from a friend to fit all my stuff! It was very hot and humid in S'pore...I think it was even more humid than KL which was only the bad part coz I totally can't stand humidity...I feel like I need a shower every half hour...I also ate quite a bit, the thing with Asian countries is that you spend a lot of your time eating AND shopping...so when I get back to Melbourne, I'm gonna be on a *SERIOUS* diet! (and we can all see how long it'll last!)...the bus trip to and fro S'pore was very comfy! I think I would travel on a bus anytime over the airplane! On second thoughts maybe not...but the bus was about 5 times comfier than a plane. I think 4 days was pretty much just right for my vacation in S'pore...it really feels good to be home...and I can't tell you just how much I love the saying "HOME SWEET HOME" right now! It was complete heaven just having a shower in my own bathroom, jumping into bed in my own bed...sleeping with my own pillow... vacations really make me appreciate my own home :)

Okay I know it's Thanksgiving in America...but we don't celebrate it in Australia or Malaysia...but I'm just feeling VERY, VERY THANKFUL for A LOT of things this year...I'll list them all in my next update, but in the mean time I'd like to wish all my American friends a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! I know my families at Caringbridge have a lot to be thankful for and I'm really enjoying going around the websites and seeing who is thankful for what...I know it's been extremely hard for some families and not so hard for other families...I guess we should all just be thankful that we're still here today...and so blessed to have the things we have, the people we love around us and the things we've had and the people we've had in our lives...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!

Love, Janice

The sky is bright. The stars are shining more than ever. The wind is blowing. The angels are singing. The fairies are dancing. My precious little buddy Noah Jay is strolling the streets of Heaven, beaming at his new surroundings, loving his new, healed and perfect body, and he has this new found buzz inside of him to go PLAY and RUN FREE! We lost the most amazing little boy, but Heaven gained another beautiful angel. Noah has been my little friend for a long, long time. I've always hoped that he could someday make it down to the Land Down Under, but I now know that he will be making his flight down soon with his brand new angel wings! It's just that I can't see him. Please go by his website and offer his parents and sisters some words of love and comfort...their faith and hope in their little boy was completely amazing...Jason & Heidi, you have your very own special guardian angel now. Noah Jay, you took a piece of my heart with you...if you don't know your way to the Land Down Under, just ask my mum! She'll take you there...fly high and free, buddy...

Hi everyone, I'm back from Singapore...got home tonight, it's nearly midnight here, so I won't update now. But I'll be sure to tell ya'll how my trip went! I didn't get to sign any guestbooks while I was away...I even only just found out about Noah Jay...my heart is just so heavy right now. I hope everyone's having a great week so far... please keep all the little ones in your prayers...we've lost way too many. I'll post more tomorrow! Thanks for checking in...

Love, Janice

Thursday, November 20, 2003

CONGRATULATIONS COLE FAMILY!

Angel Colby's family will be expecting a new addition to the family in April next year!!! We all can't wait for when baby Cole arrives!! And it's gonna be a boy too :) Angel Colby did you have anything to do with this??? (I bet he did!)...congratulations Jack, Laura & Cameron!

Hey everyone!!!

FANTASTIC NEWS!!! Get ready for this! Aunty Lorna's biopsy came back and the tumour shows no sign of cancerous cells, ie it's BENIGN!! Exactly what we wanted to hear :) I am so thrilled...she is still experiencing some pain though and she'll need to stay in the hospital for a little while more just to make sure that everything's okay...but the main news is that the tumour is benign and we're happy with that. Thank you ALL for lifting her up in your prayers...it mean so much to our family. Please continue to keep her in your prayers as she starts her road to recovery...I will update more when I myself get updated :)
Well that's the good news! Couldn't have asked for better news huh!

Things have been pretty quiet since Karen & Dean left to fly back to Melbourne... dad has been playing a fair bit of golf, except it's been SO HOT here lately- it's HOT all year round in Malaysia- but some days it just gets totally scorching hot...like if you have leather car seats and your car's been in the sun...FORGET about even getting in the car...you'll have to start the air conditioning to let the car cool down! No one wants a burnt butt do they?? :) ANYWAY, back to golf...so dad's been playing some golf this week but he always says that it gets too hot towards the end of the game...he starts early in the morning at about 7am...but by the time it gets to 11am, it's really too hot to play...

Adrian has been busying himself with computer games and soccer matches on TV (what else!)...most of his friends are still in Melbourne so he's patiently awaiting their return so that they can all hang out... which probably explains why we haven't been fighting for who gets to drive the car! Mum's car has now officially been handed down to us kids whenever we're back in KL...so of course since Karen is hardly ever back in KL..and Adrian only just got his license about a year or so ago, I've been the main one driving the car...I think dad must be kinda relieved that we haven't had some sort of argument over the car so far...hehe! Sometimes when Adrian and I argue like brother and sister do...we argue like there's no tomorrow... oh well, that's what brothers and sisters are for right?! And I always WIN...Adrian thinks so anyway. Like the other night, he said I should've become a lawyer instead. Maybe I should've!

Now onto some FUN news! In approximately 2 days, I will be taking a 4 day vacation to Singapore. Singapore's about a 4-5 hour drive from KL...so I'll be taking the bus down early Saturday morning and returning to KL late Tuesday night...I can't wait. The main reason I decided to make a visit was because one of my closest high school friend is now working there...and I haven't seen him in A YEAR! So it'll be really cool to see him again and catch up... the last time I was in Singapore was with mum, dad and Adrian... Adrian and I were back in KL for the holidays and at that point in time, mum was undergoing chemo in Singapore...her and dad used to make a trips down just for her treatment...to think of it, mum used to have treatments in Malaysia, Singapore and Australia... anything to give her access to better treatment and drugs!

So seeing that I won't be back till next Tuesday, I probably won't get a chance to update till then...I'll try and some sort of internet access over there to check on the kids though! Before I forget, in one of my last updates I mentioned that since I'm now in KL using a different computer, I don't have all the bookmarks to all the Caringbridge kids that I regularly visit..so if your link is not on this website, PLEASE leave me a message with your link in my guestbook so that I can go by and check on the kids! I would really appreciate it...there are so many kids that I haven't been checking on lately coz my bookmarks are in Melbourne!

And again, thank you all for your truly moving messages in my guestbooks...Caringbridge has never ceased to amaze me... all of you are all dear and special friends to me.. sometimes it's just so hard to comprehend exactly the amount of love and friendship I hold for all the families here because I still have to remind myself that I've NEVER met any of you!!! And yet we are this one big family, and we are all united for so many reasons, one of which is that we help each other through our darkest days and fears- physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you all for being there for me! I can't explain to you the feeling I got when I realised exactly how many people are behind me in this...supporting me and loving me so unconditionally even when they've never met me. It's just amazing. My mum would be so touched, so moved...so proud.

Love you all! Till Tuesday! Have a GREAT weekend :)

Janice

PS: Please continue to pray for Noah Jay, Max, Jeffrey, Katia, Rebecka, Dakoda and the many, many others who are fighting for their lives... also, some extra prayers for my lil bro Kody who is having some rather NASTY headaches, ear and throat infections at the moment... all of their links are below! A ZILLION THANK YOU'S!!!!!

PS: Okay I know this has no relation whatsoever to Caringbridge...BUT...Britney Spears' new album just came out (November 18th!!!!)...PLEASE GO BUY YOURSELF ONE :) Can you tell that I'm just a bit of a Britney fan? Haha.. sorry couldn't help myself...GO BRITNEY!

Sunday, November 16, 2003

~*~*UPDATE: 18TH NOVEMBER*~*~

I am extremely lost for words and just in a complete daze...but I do have to report that Max has recently relapsed. Back in September, he had 100 percent donor cells, but just off late that figure has gone down to 70 percent. His cancer has come back very quickly and the doctors say that he may not make it through Christmas... dear God, is it GOING TO STOP? Now the Adams family will have to plan Christmas a little earlier...PLEASE say some extra prayers for Max aka Spiderman! Go by his site (his link is also below) and leave him and his family some words of comfort, love and support if you can...they are totally devastated as you would be. Max was doing VERY well for a few months... Since little Katia relapsed back in September, I thought we were on a break for awhile...most of the kids in remission sounded like they were doing great...then Jeffrey relapsed...and now Max...this just sucks.

~*~*UPDATE: 17TH NOVEMBER*~*~

Hey ya'll!

GOOD NEWS! Aunty Lorna is out of intensive care! How cool is that...I was so relieved hearing that. We still haven't heard any news about her tumour being benign or malignant...of course we're praying our hardest for it to be benign...whatever the outcome, this is only the start to her journey...please keep her family in your prayers- my Uncle Robert and cousins Kenneth & Michelle, Derek and Lydia. I can totally imagine how and what they must be feeling as it all reminds me of when mum was first diagnosed back in 1998. I am hoping to get Lydia to come out shopping with me this week! We'll see how it goes... I'm sure she could do with a good shopping break. Dad, Adrian and I will be visiting Aunty Lorna in the hospital tomorrow seeing that she's out of intensive care...I'll update then...thank you for all your prayers and for checking in...

Love always, Janice

Hi guys,

My Aunty Lorna's surgery went smoothly with no complications, thank God. I got this all information from dad as he spoke to Uncle Robert last night (Aunty Lorna's husband) so it's all only brief information for now...the operation went for about 5 hours, she came out of it fine and is now in intensive care as you would be if you've had surgery on your brain...the 24-48 hours after surgery is most critical and they'll monitor her during this period...we are still uncertain if the tumour is benign or malignant, but I will certainly keep an update when we get the news...dad, Adrian and I will probably arrange a time to drop in and visit Aunty Lorna, but seeing that she's in intensive care, it could be difficult now...perhaps sometime next week. Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for praying for Aunty Lorna and our HUGE family...we are all so thankful and grateful! I know that Aunty Lorna will pull through all of this whatever the outcome...she's a very high-spirited woman who always had a smile on her face...she's also expecting her first grandchild in June next year so that is definitely something for her to look forward to and fight for!

Well, Karen & Dean have left for Melbourne! They had a 9.50am flight this morning, so we checked in their luggage at the train station that would take them to the airport at about 7am and then we had a nice family breakfast in Bangsar. They had a pretty short holiday here in KL...only 10 days! We were all sad to see them leave, especially dad,I know he will really miss them...as for me and Adrian, we'll be seeing them in Melbourne soon anyway!

I also wanna thank everyone who's been so supportive in their messages the past couple of days after reading "Ann's" comment in the guestbook...thanks ya'll for sticking up for me and all of your kind words really moved me...there is so much I'd like to say to Ann but I'd rather not waste journal space...this page is for mum and it's for my family...and whatever Ann said has nothing to do with mum or my family so that's that. Besides I feel no obligation whatsoever in defending myself because there is nothing to defend and everyone at Caringbridge who knows me, KNOWS me...having said that, thank you for your messages and emails! :)

I told Kody's mum, Kim (but I call her CRAZY KIM) that I'm planning on making a trip to the USA in the next few years...it's definitely in my plans, I just have to work out when and how much I need and how I need to get that money :) And when I do get it all planned, I am gonna go all over America...I have SO MANY families and kids that I wanna meet...thinking about it now, it would be a trip of a lifetime! I know it'll be emotional too...and I'm such an emotional person (I cried in the first 5 minutes of Finding Nemo for God's sake!!) so you can be sure there'll be lots of tears...all happy tears I'm sure! Anyway, I'm looking too far ahead here...I have to actually make lots of plans before any of it can go ahead...but fingers crossed, I will definitely be making my way to your side of the world (well, most of yours anyway!)...

I hope everyone's having a GREAT weekend... if you could, please go by to Noah Jay's website as he's not doing good at all...thank you for checking in and please sign my guestbook!

Love to all of you,
Janice

~*UPDATE: 15TH NOVEMBER*~

A huge thank you to everyone saying prayers for my Aunty Lorna..as I type, she is in surgery. We went by the hospital this afternoon and she seemed really cheery and her spirits were high. We sat with her and talked and laughed and she really didn't seem too bothered by the whole thing but I'm sure inside she must be really scared...please do keep praying! I'll update maybe tomorrow when I hear how the surgery went...

Ann, who left a message in my guestbook today, I'm really sorry you feel that way...I do pray for all the children I say I'm praying for...I don't take my devotion to the children of Caringbridge lightly...every single one of them are important, whether they are still under treatment or whether they are in remission. I do not favour one over the other...sure, there are those who I'm more attached to as I've followed their journeys right from the start when I discovered Caringbridge myself, but all of them are special to me and I see each as their own individual selves...Ann, you can email me personally at janiceliew1981@yahoo.com if you'd like to comment furthur...and possibly refresh my memory of kids you said I'd check up on but haven't been?

Thanks everyone for checking in!

Love, Janice

Thursday, November 13, 2003

~*UPDATE: 15TH NOVEMBER*~

A huge thank you to everyone saying prayers for my Aunty Lorna..as I type, she is in surgery. We went by the hospital this afternoon and she seemed really cheery and her spirits were high. We sat with her and talked and laughed and she really didn't seem too bothered by the whole thing but I'm sure inside she must be really scared...please do keep praying! I'll update maybe tomorrow when I hear how the surgery went...

Ann, who left a message in my guestbook today, I'm really sorry you feel that way...I do pray for all the children I say I'm praying for...I don't take my devotion to the children of Caringbridge lightly...every single one of them are important, whether they are still under treatment or whether they are in remission. I do not favour one over the other...sure, there are those who I'm more attached to as I've followed their journeys right from the start when I discovered Caringbridge myself, but all of them are special to me and I see each as their own individual selves...Ann, you can email me personally at janiceliew1981@yahoo.com if you'd like to comment furthur...and possibly refresh my memory of kids you said I'd check up on but haven't been?

Thanks everyone for checking in!

Love, Janice

~*UPDATE: 14TH NOVEMBER*~

I just keep wondering when it will all stop for my family...I found out today that my Aunty Lorna has surgery on her brain tomorrow afternoon at about 4pm. Just under 2 weeks ago, she had a scan done and it showed a tumour in her brain...we don't know if it's benign or malignant yet, so we're all hoping for the best. She had been having really bad headaches and blurred vision for awhile and went to the optometrist but they referred her to another doctor and that's when they did the scan. I am just praying so hard that the tumour isn't cancerous... everyone, please pray for my Aunty Lorna...no one ever knows what can happen with brain surgery... our brain is such a delicate organ. So please keep her in your prayers... tomorrow morning, we'll drop into the hospital to see her for a little bit, then we're going to visit mum's grave before Karen & Dean fly back to Melbourne on Sunday morning. I'll update later this weekend on how everything went...in the mean time, don't forget the kids of Caringbridge..I'll just do a quick recap on who needs some serious prayers...Noah Jay has been in a lot of pain, he has really been hanging in there...Becki is now off the ventilator! GO BECKI! Katia didn't need to have surgery after all...YEAH! Jeffrey and Dakoda still need you prayers as they undergo treatment yet again to beat the ugly monster...so please say some extra prayers for all of them! They're links are all below.. thank you SO MUCH from the bottom of my heart.

Love, Janice

Hi guys!

Okay here’s my story that I promised…I’ll just start a little further back in time so you guys get the big picture and don’t get lost in all that I’ll be yapping on about :) I apologise in advance if none of what I say make sense!

As you’ve all noticed, there are 5 of us in the Liew family…mum (who’s in Heaven) and dad, my older sister Karen who’s 27, then there’s me and my “little” brother Adrian who’s not so little. Trust me! He’s 19. And TALL. But I just say little coz he’s my little brother :) I guess you could say that when I was born in 1981, I was a lucky baby…lucky in the sense that I brought luck to the family…that’s what mum used to tell me anyway! I can’t remember exactly why I was so lucky, but I think dad got a promotion at work when I was born…hehe. Anyway, just to let you all in on something…8 is my lucky number…for some reason the Chinese LOVE the number 8…I have no idea why…but that’s not the main reason why it’s my lucky number…I was born on the 8th month in 1981…the house which we lived in for awhile when I was a baby was number 81, my apartment in Melbourne is apartment number 80 on the 8th block of the street…mum’s car registration number has 81 in it and once when Marcus and I were at the casino in Melbourne, we got to the roulette table and Marcus asked me to quickly pick a number…I said “8 of course!”…and just as well, the number that came up was 8! How lucky is that! Okay I’m getting side tracked here…back to the story!

Anyway, so going forward in time, when Karen started high school, mum and dad knew that she didn’t have too much interest in school at all…she didn’t like any of the subjects, they didn’t interest her and just wasn’t what she liked doing…so mum and dad decided that there would be more opportunities for her in Australia…the decision to send Karen abroad, thousands of miles away from her home was a very quick decision…all I remember was we made a family trip to Disneyland in Anaheim in July of 1992 and just as we got home to KL, we had a couple of weeks with Karen, dad looked up on a couple of schools possible in Melbourne for Karen and before I knew it, she was on the plane and off to Melbourne, Australia! At that point, I was like eleven and thinking “Where on EARTH is Australia???”. Everything happened so quickly…when mum and dad told me that Karen was gonna be away from home, my first reaction was utter panic...I remember so clearly saying to Karen, “Now who’s gonna help me with my piano homework?!?!”. Hehe. You’ll all have to excuse me! I was eleven then! I can assure you the thought of missing my sister did cross my mind :)

Although sending their first born child to school thousands of miles away must’ve been difficult, it was without a doubt one of the best decisions mum and dad ever made. Giving Karen an Australian education opened up so many doors for her…the education there was so extremely different than it was here…Karen had more opportunities, she actually had a choice in what she wanted to do…which was art. She hated numbers and formulas…she was always the creative one in the family and her creative and artistic skills were (and always will be) brilliant! She left for Melbourne when she was 16, she started school in Melbourne right smack in the middle of Year 10 (10th Grade) and she seemed to fit in just fine…she had always been a very independent and strong-willed person anyway so there was no surprise that she adapted well in a whole different country with a whole different environment and culture.

As for me, good ‘ol me, I left for Melbourne when I was 15! Growing up in KL, I was probably the shyest kid around!!! I didn’t find making friends hard at all…in fact I had A LOT of friends here, but I was still naturally a very shy kid…after Year 9 here in KL, mum and dad thought it’d be a good idea for me to head off to Melbourne for two reasons- one, to be with Karen as she was pretty much alone there in Melbourne, and two, to expose me to a whole different life, to “open” me up so to speak…I remember mum and dad telling me that they wanted me to go to school overseas and I was SO excited! I laid in bed at nights imagining myself in a whole different school, making new friends…but then one night, both mum and dad said that maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea after all since I was only 15…I remember being SO extremely disappointed…I think I actually started crying :) In the end, mum and dad changed their minds again and before I knew it, I was off to Melbourne…finally! Being only 15, everything was so new to me…I was a little nervous but I adapted well and having Karen there with me was great…she made sure I was okay, she really looked after me…after all, I am her little sister and it really was her job to make sure I was “safe” thousands of miles away from home…what would she say to mum and dad anyway if something ever happened to me? Hehe.

I think one of the best things that’s ever happened to me was moving to Australia and having had the opportunity to go to school there…it was very different to what I expected, it was all so new and exciting and I thoroughly enjoyed my high school years there and subsequently my university years…in Melbourne was where I met my very best friend today and I keep thinking that we never would’ve met if I hadn’t gone to school there! I’ve also made some other wonderful friends there…friends that I love dearly and know that they’ll be in my life forever. The friends that I had in KL were never forgotten…throughout the years, we kept in touch through letters, through emails (what would we do without email?!) and the yearly trip home to KL that I’d make every summer holiday…eventually, most of my closest friends in KL spent their university years in Melbourne too, so we were all together once again and it was just so much fun! The number one question that I get asked whenever I come home to KL for a visit is “Were you ever homesick?”…I don’t think I ever felt sad because I was away from home… of course I missed my family and friends a whole lot but to me being overseas was just such a big thing, that I wanted to enjoy all of it, I wanted to experience all of it and I was just so excited to be there so I don’t think I had time to be “homesick”…I spoke to mum and dad every week…we wrote letters and emailed each other, they’d also make a visit to Melbourne a couple of times each year to visit Karen and I…I kept in touch with all my KL friends…I had Karen with me in Melbourne, I made new wonderful friends in Melbourne…so I guess I never had the chance to feel homesick. I loved the independence that I had (and still very much have!)…I enjoyed watching myself grow as a person…at 15, I learnt so much that I never would’ve learnt if I had stayed in KL…even things like cooking and laundry, Karen and I both had to do for ourselves…there was no turning back for me, I couldn’t just run back to mum and dad when things got hard, I had to learn to fend for myself…although my parents were always there for me whenever I needed them. Looking back now, the only times that I ever really felt sad that I wasn’t home with my family was when mum was ill…when she had to go through chemo, surgeries, when she was feeling sad and down…I couldn’t be there for her to cheer her up, to give her a big hug…of course we spoke on the phone regularly but it wasn’t the same as being there with the person you love. Even when mum was first diagnosed with cancer, Karen and I were both in Melbourne…dad had told us over the phone and of course we just broke down. My Aunty Janet who had returned to Melbourne from KL, came over and told us in detail all about mum’s cancer and what had to be done. It was so hard being apart during the 4 ½ years of mum’s illness.

I’ve been living in Melbourne for the past 7 years and I love it there…during the first couple of years in Melbourne, whenever I had gone home to KL for a family visit, my relatives would ask “Where do you call home? Which country do you prefer?”. And all I would say was “I don’t know…ask me in 5 years!”…well even today, I still can’t answer those questions! I love both Melbourne and KL…Malaysia is where I’m from, where I grew up, my family and many close friends are here and the food is just so DELISH here!!! But I also love Melbourne and the city that it is…I love the lifestyle in Melbourne (not to mention the shopping!)…so where do I call home? I suppose I could say Malaysia is my real home as I was born here and most of my childhood was spent here…but I guess I’m just lucky that I’m actually able to call both KL and Melbourne home! I’m lucky to have been able to experienced two very different cultures… I don’t think many people have had the chance to experience what I have…to have had the opportunities that I’ve had…and I’ll ALWAYS, ALWAYS be grateful to my parents for giving me everything… for giving me what they thought at the time would be a better life for me.

WOW, this journal entry has been WAY too long…is everyone asleep? I don’t blame you if you are!!! So that’s my story and that explains all the flying back and forth between Melbourne and KL…that explains all the talk about both Melbourne and KL in my past journal entries…I hope all of that made sense! I just look at my life now and realize how lucky I am…I mean, I look at the children of Caringbridge and realize how lucky I am to be here…but I look closer at my life and realize even more how lucky I am to have been given everything I’ve wanted (most of it anyway!!) and that my parents have always wanted the best for me and all the opportunities put before me were for my taking…all I had to do was just decide what I wanted. I’m just one lucky girl.

Okay I promise I’m stopping here…thanks for listening everyone! I hope you enjoyed it…it will be a very much shorter journal entry next time :)

Love, Janice

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Hi guys!

Okay here’s my story that I promised…I’ll just start a little further back in time so you guys get the big picture and don’t get lost in all that I’ll be yapping on about :) I apologise in advance if none of what I say make sense!

As you’ve all noticed, there are 5 of us in the Liew family…mum (who’s in Heaven) and dad, my older sister Karen who’s 27, then there’s me and my “little” brother Adrian who’s not so little. Trust me! He’s 19. And TALL. But I just say little coz he’s my little brother :) I guess you could say that when I was born in 1981, I was a lucky baby…lucky in the sense that I brought luck to the family…that’s what mum used to tell me anyway! I can’t remember exactly why I was so lucky, but I think dad got a promotion at work when I was born…hehe. Anyway, just to let you all in on something…8 is my lucky number…for some reason the Chinese LOVE the number 8…I have no idea why…but that’s not the main reason why it’s my lucky number…I was born on the 8th month in 1981…the house which we lived in for awhile when I was a baby was number 81, my apartment in Melbourne is apartment number 80 on the 8th block of the street…mum’s car registration number has 81 in it and once when Marcus and I were at the casino in Melbourne, we got to the roulette table and Marcus asked me to quickly pick a number…I said “8 of course!”…and just as well, the number that came up was 8! How lucky is that! Okay I’m getting side tracked here…back to the story!

Anyway, so going forward in time, when Karen started high school, mum and dad knew that she didn’t have too much interest in school at all…she didn’t like any of the subjects, they didn’t interest her and just wasn’t what she liked doing…so mum and dad decided that there would be more opportunities for her in Australia…the decision to send Karen abroad, thousands of miles away from her home was a very quick decision…all I remember was we made a family trip to Disneyland in Anaheim in July of 1992 and just as we got home to KL, we had a couple of weeks with Karen, dad looked up on a couple of schools possible in Melbourne for Karen and before I knew it, she was on the plane and off to Melbourne, Australia! At that point, I was like eleven and thinking “Where on EARTH is Australia???”. Everything happened so quickly…when mum and dad told me that Karen was gonna be away from home, my first reaction was utter panic...I remember so clearly saying to Karen, “Now who’s gonna help me with my piano homework?!?!”. Hehe. You’ll all have to excuse me! I was eleven then! I can assure you the thought of missing my sister did cross my mind :)

Although sending their first born child to school thousands of miles away must’ve been difficult, it was without a doubt one of the best decisions mum and dad ever made. Giving Karen an Australian education opened up so many doors for her…the education there was so extremely different than it was here…Karen had more opportunities, she actually had a choice in what she wanted to do…which was art. She hated numbers and formulas…she was always the creative one in the family and her creative and artistic skills were (and always will be) brilliant! She left for Melbourne when she was 16, she started school in Melbourne right smack in the middle of Year 10 (10th Grade) and she seemed to fit in just fine…she had always been a very independent and strong-willed person anyway so there was no surprise that she adapted well in a whole different country with a whole different environment and culture.

As for me, good ‘ol me, I left for Melbourne when I was 15! Growing up in KL, I was probably the shyest kid around!!! I didn’t find making friends hard at all…in fact I had A LOT of friends here, but I was still naturally a very shy kid…after Year 9 here in KL, mum and dad thought it’d be a good idea for me to head off to Melbourne for two reasons- one, to be with Karen as she was pretty much alone there in Melbourne, and two, to expose me to a whole different life, to “open” me up so to speak…I remember mum and dad telling me that they wanted me to go to school overseas and I was SO excited! I laid in bed at nights imagining myself in a whole different school, making new friends…but then one night, both mum and dad said that maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea after all since I was only 15…I remember being SO extremely disappointed…I think I actually started crying :) In the end, mum and dad changed their minds again and before I knew it, I was off to Melbourne…finally! Being only 15, everything was so new to me…I was a little nervous but I adapted well and having Karen there with me was great…she made sure I was okay, she really looked after me…after all, I am her little sister and it really was her job to make sure I was “safe” thousands of miles away from home…what would she say to mum and dad anyway if something ever happened to me? Hehe.

I think one of the best things that’s ever happened to me was moving to Australia and having had the opportunity to go to school there…it was very different to what I expected, it was all so new and exciting and I thoroughly enjoyed my high school years there and subsequently my university years…in Melbourne was where I met my very best friend today and I keep thinking that we never would’ve met if I hadn’t gone to school there! I’ve also made some other wonderful friends there…friends that I love dearly and know that they’ll be in my life forever. The friends that I had in KL were never forgotten…throughout the years, we kept in touch through letters, through emails (what would we do without email?!) and the yearly trip home to KL that I’d make every summer holiday…eventually, most of my closest friends in KL spent their university years in Melbourne too, so we were all together once again and it was just so much fun! The number one question that I get asked whenever I come home to KL for a visit is “Were you ever homesick?”…I don’t think I ever felt sad because I was away from home… of course I missed my family and friends a whole lot but to me being overseas was just such a big thing, that I wanted to enjoy all of it, I wanted to experience all of it and I was just so excited to be there so I don’t think I had time to be “homesick”…I spoke to mum and dad every week…we wrote letters and emailed each other, they’d also make a visit to Melbourne a couple of times each year to visit Karen and I…I kept in touch with all my KL friends…I had Karen with me in Melbourne, I made new wonderful friends in Melbourne…so I guess I never had the chance to feel homesick. I loved the independence that I had (and still very much have!)…I enjoyed watching myself grow as a person…at 15, I learnt so much that I never would’ve learnt if I had stayed in KL…even things like cooking and laundry, Karen and I both had to do for ourselves…there was no turning back for me, I couldn’t just run back to mum and dad when things got hard, I had to learn to fend for myself…although my parents were always there for me whenever I needed them. Looking back now, the only times that I ever really felt sad that I wasn’t home with my family was when mum was ill…when she had to go through chemo, surgeries, when she was feeling sad and down…I couldn’t be there for her to cheer her up, to give her a big hug…of course we spoke on the phone regularly but it wasn’t the same as being there with the person you love. Even when mum was first diagnosed with cancer, Karen and I were both in Melbourne…dad had told us over the phone and of course we just broke down. My Aunty Janet who had returned to Melbourne from KL, came over and told us in detail all about mum’s cancer and what had to be done. It was so hard being apart during the 4 ½ years of mum’s illness.

I’ve been living in Melbourne for the past 7 years and I love it there…during the first couple of years in Melbourne, whenever I had gone home to KL for a family visit, my relatives would ask “Where do you call home? Which country do you prefer?”. And all I would say was “I don’t know…ask me in 5 years!”…well even today, I still can’t answer those questions! I love both Melbourne and KL…Malaysia is where I’m from, where I grew up, my family and many close friends are here and the food is just so DELISH here!!! But I also love Melbourne and the city that it is…I love the lifestyle in Melbourne (not to mention the shopping!)…so where do I call home? I suppose I could say Malaysia is my real home as I was born here and most of my childhood was spent here…but I guess I’m just lucky that I’m actually able to call both KL and Melbourne home! I’m lucky to have been able to experienced two very different cultures… I don’t think many people have had the chance to experience what I have…to have had the opportunities that I’ve had…and I’ll ALWAYS, ALWAYS be grateful to my parents for giving me everything… for giving me what they thought at the time would be a better life for me.

WOW, this journal entry has been WAY too long…is everyone asleep? I don’t blame you if you are!!! So that’s my story and that explains all the flying back and forth between Melbourne and KL…that explains all the talk about both Melbourne and KL in my past journal entries…I hope all of that made sense! I just look at my life now and realize how lucky I am…I mean, I look at the children of Caringbridge and realize how lucky I am to be here…but I look closer at my life and realize even more how lucky I am to have been given everything I’ve wanted (most of it anyway!!) and that my parents have always wanted the best for me and all the opportunities put before me were for my taking…all I had to do was just decide what I wanted. I’m just one lucky girl.

Okay I promise I’m stopping here…thanks for listening everyone! I hope you enjoyed it…it will be a very much shorter journal entry next time :)

Love, Janice

I hope you enjoyed my update! Please sign my guestbook and visit me again! Lots of hugs and kisses to all of you!

I Am Not Gone

I am not gone, I am changed.
Have faith and please believe me.
God did not take me away from you,
He split the skies and received me.
Now....
I'm an echo in your laughter,
a reflection in your tears,
an extra thread of strength
to help you overcome your fears.
I'm an added ray of sunshine,
more joy for you to share,
a fragrance of the life you live.
Wherever you are - I am there.

~Terri McPherson~

~*Caringbridge Kids*~
As always, please keep the Caringbridge kids in your everyday prayers..I have added a few other kids to my list as they are the ones who really need some extra prayers. As I go around Caringbridge and discover more and more kids who need serious prayers, it saddens me but at least I can help by spreading the word that they are in need of prayers...thank you for praying for every single one of them! Prayers can really work wonders...and you can see it in many of the kids...

Proudly introducing our very own little angels here on Earth....

Baby Jordan- Baby Jordan is FINALLY home sweet home where he belongs with his family and friends. Pray all continues to go well for this lil fella.

Noah Jay- Noah's is now at home with his family. His cancer is growing and the doctors are running out of options. His body may be shutting down but nothing can stop this beautiful boy...please pray for Noah's perfect miracle, if not for peace and comfort. His family has incredible faith in God...go by their website and just be totally inspired!

Katia- Katia is a beautiful 3 year old fighting AML. She has just recently relapsed and has started a very high dosage chemo treatment. She also needs a bone marrow transplant but as of now, has no match. So PLEASE consider being a donor! Pray for little Katia and her beautiful family as they go through hell all over again.

Jeffrey- A 7 year old fighting ALL. We have just learnt that Jeffrey has relapsed in his Central Nervous System... please pray for this little boy's healing.

Rebecka- A young girl with Cystic Fibrosis. She is currently finding trouble breathing and is back in the hospital on the ventilator...please say some extra prayers for this beautiful girl as she continues to fight. Go by her website and leave her some words of encouragement...her spirits need some lifting and it will certainly brighten her day!

Dakoda- An 8 year old diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme (malignant brain tumour). His latest MRI showed a tumour regrowth...please keep him and his family in your prayers as they fight this tumour once again.

Kaycey- A young girl born with several Congenital Heart Defects and also recently diagnosed with Primary Pulmonary Hypertension. Kaycey had heart and lung transplant in September, 2003. She is now continuing with her fight out of hospital... please pray for her complete recovery!

Baby Shanna- Baby Shanna is doing AWESOME Her big brother who was also her donor is such a hero and a very brave boy. Shanna has now 100 percent Nathaniel's cells! ie: 100 percent donor cells! Way to go Shanna..she is an amazing baby. Please keep praying for continued good health for this little one.

Max- Max has a little scare just recently when his mouth became full of sores. He is now doing better, please pray for Max to continue to be healthy and cancer-free.

Michaela- Michaela has just started radiation. This little one is a true fighter and has an amazing spirit! Please pray for all to go well for little Michaela.

Michael- Little Michael has just been through transplant. He is now doing wonderful! Go Michael! Please continue to keep him in your prayers.

Nicoll Brothers- Little Cameron's line is still infected. He is having surgery on the 11th of November to take out his central line and have it replaced. Please pray for Cameron's line to be negative...GO AWAY BACTERIA!

Andrew- Andrew and his mum Ellen are FINALLY home sweet home in Alabama! Please pray for this little boy to make even more progress at home and for his complete healing... pray for his family to find all the answers that they need!

Cassidy- A beautiful 4 year old fighting ALL. She is currently having trouble with pneumonitis, so please pray for this to go away. Her dad is in the army in Iraq as a doctor, please keep all of them in your prayers as they go through this difficult time being apart, especially with Cassidy ill. We're thinking of you in Iraq, Kevin and pray you come home safely!

Connie- A mother recently diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. She is NEARLY done with treatment!! And latest news is that her tumour marker (CA125) is now in normal range! Pray this keeps up!

Morgan- A 4 year old fighting Neuroblastoma. This little one broke her leg awhile ago but it is healing nicely now. She is also HAMA negative and will be travelling to New York for treatment in late November. Please pray for all to go well for little Morgan and for her to be in remission forever!

Bailee- A beautiful 8 year old fighting Leukemia. Bailee writes her own journal updates and she is absolutely gorgeous! Please pray for her continued healing...her recent blood counts look GREAT and she'll be having a bone marrow aspirate next month.

Ryan- A gorgeous baby fighting AML. He is such a little fighter and so very adorable! Little Ryan broke his tiny arm awhile ago and his cast has just come off. Please keep him in your prayers for a continued healing and a cancer-free life.

Serena- A beautiful 4 year old fighting ALL. She is doing wonderful but still needs all the prayers she can get! They are currently enjoying a vacation in Disneyworld..

Jake- A gorgeous little boy fighting Neuroblastoma. He is now on Protocel and has been bouncing off the walls, full of energy! This lil fella has come a long way and could do with a few prayers!

Emily- A 14 year old fighting ALL. She has been fighting this disease for a long time now and is still going through chemo...she has been a real trooper and just pulling through everything that comes her way...a true inspiration! Please pray for her complete healing.

Jacob- A 6 year old boy fighting Ewing's Sarcoma. He is currently undergoing chemo but is doing well! Go Jake! They are expecting a new baby in the family too! Congratulations to the Beresh family!

Maddie- A beautiful 14 year old diagnosed with a brain tumour, currently on Protocel. Maddie is a true inspiration! She has an amazing heart and a very kind spirit, not to mention funny too! Go by her website and you'll understand why! This girl really knows how to party...

Steve- A father of two fighting esophageal cancer. Steve is currently undergoing chemo and is getting stronger everyday. Please pray for his complete recovery. Also, Steve's father has just been diagnosed with the same cancer and is in a later stage...please pray for Alfred as he battles this nasty beast for the first time (and hopefully LAST time).

Dierdre- A 36 year old woman fighting breast cancer. A wonderful lady with a true fighting spirit! She is FINALLY done with treatment! GO DIERDRE! Pray she is now cancer-free...

Sean- An 18 year old fighting Ewing's Sarcoma. Sean is now offically OFF treatment! WOOHOO, GO SEAN! He is also preparing for his broviac to be removed. Please pray for for Sean to continue to do well and lead a cancer-free life...

Delaney- A 6 year old, fighting Ewing's Sarcoma. She's just had her 6-month scan and everything came back clear! Go Delaney! Please keep her in your prayers for a cancer-free life forever.

Katelynn- A little girl who is a Medulloblastoma survivor! Katie has been cancer-free for 2 years now, she is the meaning of hope and a true survivor! Please continue to keep her in your prayers. Go by her website and just see how funny her mum is!

Kody- Kody is doing awesome. This little tough guy is such an inspiration...and a total goofball too! His family is just a bunch of wackos (in the VERY BEST way!!!), they are a heap of fun! I love ya Kim & Kody!

Lindsey- A 5 year old with Burkitt's Leukemia. Lindsey's scans have been all clear! THANK GOD! Please pray for her to have a cancer-free life forever.

Kaitlyn- A beautiful little Aussie girl fighting neuroblastoma. Please pray for a cancer-free life for Kaity!

Gemma- A beautiful 16 year old fighting APL. She is now in complete remission! GO GEMMA! Please pray for a cancer-free life for Gemma...she has the biggest heart, devoting a lot of her time sewing quilts for ill children...keep up the awesome job, Gemma!

Ashton- A gorgeous little girl fighting ALL. Ashton is now in REMISSION and she has been OFF treatment for 8 months! She is a true survivor and just soooo very adorable! Please keep her in your prayers for a cancer-free life forever...

Abigail- A beautiful little baby fighting Neuroblastoma. She is now in remission, THANK YOU GOD! And is just doing wonderful and growing up before her parents' eyes! Please pray for a cancer-free life forever for little Abby...she is a very adorable baby.. go check her photos out!

Sam- A 3 year old fighting Pleuropulmonary Blastoma. He is now in remission! YEAH SAM!!! Please pray for a cancer-free life forever! You will probably recognise his mum Sara around your guestbooks, she is so thoughtful and kind with her devotion to the Caringbridge kids too. We love you, Sara!

Kaylyn- Little Kaylyn is just doing wonderful! Her hair's growing back and she's feeling good! Always keep this little one in your prayers and pray for a cancer-free life forever...

Missa- A gorgeous 5 year old fighting Neuroblastoma...she is now doing just wonderful and having a blast with her VERY cool and fun family!! They are so wonderful!!! Also, Missa has a twin brother Zach...they are seriously the CUTEST pair of twins ever!!! Go by her website and check them out!

Molly- A beautiful 13 year old fighting Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Molly has been off treatment for a year and a half! WOW! Keep up the great job Molly! Please pray for all to continue to go well for this totally inspiring young girl...

Please pray for these kids and the many others who have just undergone a bone marrow transplant. The 100 days post-transplant are the most critical. They need all the prayers they can get!

Also, please don't forget our little angels who aren't here with us today...it is never easy for a family to lose a loved one, child or adult...please pray for strength, peace and comfort to be with their family and friends.

Thank you for praying for these precious little ones...you are not only praying for them but also for their families and they are all very appreciative and grateful. If you have the time, please visit their sites and leave them a note. It will certainly help brighten their day!

Now, let's say it all together.......

GROW CELLS GROW!!!!!!!!!

~Thanks for checking in~

Don't forget to sign my guestbook to let me know you came by!

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Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Hi everyone!

This will be a short update for now...I am getting ready to go out with my best girlfriend so I'll have to be short AND quick! (we'll see if that'll actually work!)

I just had to come on and tell everyone that Noah Jay NEEDS every single prayer out there...he has been in pain and the poor little thing just keeps moaning from all the pain he's in...PLEASE pray for him to be pain-free...to be comfortable throughout the days and nights...I feel so extremely helpless and wished with all my heart that I could do something for these kids...but it's so hard. I really hate what this ugly monster does to them...I mean, I get a leg cramp and I think I'm in hell with all the pain a leg cramp brings...but it doesn't even begin to compare to the pain that hits these precious kids...

Also, please keep Becki in your prayers as she is still on the ventilator and just hanging in there. Keep fighting Becki!

Tomorrow, gorgeous little Katia will be having surgery...please pray that all will go well and we'll all have fantastic news!

I'm not sure if any of you have noticed but I added a whole heap of other links to other kids' websites yesterday...some of them are still fighting, some are in remission...please go check out their sites...I'm sure each of them will touch you in their own special way!

I don't think anyone can come across Caringbridge and not be touched...I don't think anyone can follow these children's journeys and not be forever changed...it is virtually impossible...

Okay see what I mean..I said it had to be quick AND short look what's happened...

GOTTA GO!!! Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Monday, November 10, 2003

~*~Later Update~*~
Am I exhausted or am I EXHAUSTED! Today was a pretty long day...and fun too I might add. They have just opened up the biggest IKEA store in South East Asia here in Malaysia, so this morning, me and my cousins, Marc, Grace and Sharon, and Sharon's two kids Chloe (4 yrs) and Stephen (5 yrs) decided to make a visit! It was actually Grace's & Sharon's idea as they wanted to take the kids to the play area (they love the play area) so I decided to tag along and so did Marc :) Well I ended up picking everyone up as Grace's car decided not to start at the last minute. Hehe. We got there at about 10am and dropped Stephen & Chloe off at the play area...they were so excited! They were really looking forward to playing in the balls...you know where they have all those tiny balls and you just jump into them.. I used to love them too! So anyway this new IKEA store is enormous, there were lots of furniture to look at...we spent quite awhile looking around and then we had to get the kids from the play area (we were only allowed to leave them there for an hour), so we brought them up to the children's section where they had little tents they could play with and MORE balls.. both those kids are so cute. They are so intelligent for their age and just so curious all the time...and let me tell you, it was NOT easy pulling them away from the kid's section!!! It was lunch time and they were so determined to stay and play...but after lots of persuasion and great bribing skills, we finally got them to leave :) PHEW! It was hard work! Also, it was really cute to see them get so attached to Uncle Marc. Haha...they don't usually bond very strongly with people they're not familiar with (Marc works for an airline so he's always off jetsetting around the world) but today they really warmed up to him and by the end of the day they were hanging off him like leeches and all we could hear from them was "Uncle Marc this and Uncle Marc that!"...it was really cute :) We headed off to Mcdonalds for lunch and they refused to sit next to anyone but Uncle Marc...needless to say I got kicked out of my seat by a 4 year old :) I snapped quite a few pictures of those cuties but unfortunately I'll have to wait till I get back to Melbourne to post any photos up! How annoying is that?

Well, dad and I have spoken to Adrian who's still in Melbourne and he seems to be keeping up well...he had an exam today and tomorrow will be his last. He said it's an extremely difficult paper so please keep him in your prayers...he'll be arriving in KL Thursday so we're all looking forward to having our family altogether once again...I'll be sure to snap a family photo!

It has been raining so much here in KL...it never fails to rain every afternoon which sucks coz I hate driving in the rain! And when it rains here, it REALLY rains...rain in Melbourne doesn't even compare to the rain we get here :) Not that it's anything to be proud of, haha.

Well, I just realised that I haven't shared the story of how my family also got to live in Melbourne, Australia depsite being originally from Malaysia. But it's too long a story for tonight, so I'll keep it for when I post next :) So stay tuned!

Please don't for get the Miramontes in your prayers as they grieve the lost of their most precious little boy Manny. And also pray for Noah Jay as he starts to grow his angel wings...my heart truly aches for all the families out there battling this horrible disease alongside their little ones...my angel list at the top of this page started with only 2 or 3 kids...today, the list has more than quadrupled in size and I keep thinking that this can't possibly go on but reality is...it can and it will. As you pray for these special children fighting for their lives, don't forget to pray for those who've courageously fought with all their might but a healing on Earth was not meant to be...also pray for those in remission that they never have to face the ugly beast ever again.

Love, Janice

Little Manny passed away yesterday morning...I am just lost for words...please pray for the Miramontes. Manny fought long and hard and now he is finally free...

Also please don't forget Noah Jay as he hangs on to life with us here...

Thank you all for your love and prayers! I will try and post more tonight...

Love, Janice

Saturday, November 8, 2003

Hi everyone,

PLEASE, PLEASE, from the bottom of your hearts, PLEASE pray for Noah Jay. His body is now starting to shut down and the doctors say he may only have a couple of days left with us...they have completely run out of options for this little fella. My heart is breaking for his entire family...they all have the most amazing faith in God and Noah Jay is a true miracle...please pray for his perfect miracle, but if that is not to be, please pray for peace and comfort to be with him during his last days. Pray for strength to be with his entire family...we love you Noah.

Well, today is was dad's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! He's 58 today but looks nowhere near 58! :) We started off early this morning to mum's grave which is just over an hour's drive from KL...it's a very beautiful cemetery called Nirvana Memorial Park and it's out in the outskirts of KL where it's very peaceful and surrounded by thick, lush forests. It's very green around there...it's also very quiet and there's always a nice breeze whenever we visit mum. We bought her some flowers and spent about 1/2 an hour there...today, 14 months ago, she flew freely into the arms of God. We miss you so much, mum!!! We'll be making another trip there next weekend when Adrian arrives from Melbourne, before Karen & Dean fly back. Tonight Karen & Dean took dad and I out to dinner for dad's birthday...we had crabs! Very yummy and spicy crabs! Then we came home and dad blew out his candles...or candle I should say. We only had one candle on the cake as we couldn't possibly fit 58 on a tiny cake :) I snapped a photos but we'll have to wait till I get back to Melbourne to post them up! Sorry!

Yesterday was Tracy & Patrick's wedding...it was awesome! I had a lot of fun...Tracy is one of my closest cousins and she is also my mum's god daughter. She looked extremely beautiful and just really happy...I am so happy for both of them, I think they make a gorgeous couple and they're so well-suited for each other! The reception was really nice, especially when they first walked in...I swear I had tears in my eyes...the whole entire night! Haha!

Well I am exhausted at the moment...we have been on the move ever since Karen & Dean arrived Thursday night. Tomorrow the will be spending a night at Nikko hotel where the celebrated their wedding reception last year. The hotel gave them a complimentary night's stay for their 1st year wedding anniversary...which technically was back in June but they're redeeming it now :) Early Monday morning they're both off to Langkawi, which is a beautiful island off the west coast of Malaysia...lucky things!!!

Also, I apologise if I haven't been around to most of your guestbooks lately...it's just that I have every single Caringbridge page that I visit regularly bookmarked on my Melbourne computer but I am on different computer now that I'm overseas so I don't have most of my bookmarks!! If you are visiting and your links are not on this website, please leave me a message and a link in my guestbook so I can visit your website...thank you!!!!!!!

I hope everyone's having a wonderful weekend...please don't forget Noah Jay in your prayers as he grows his angel wings...Jason & Heidi, my heart is with you at these truly dark moments in your lives...

Love, Janice

PS: Oh gosh, I just read over my entire journal update and spotted like a zillion typos and grammatical errors...totally apologise, I'm typing as fast as I can coz I just wanna get to bed!!!! I promise I don't speak like I type! Not this entry anyway :)

Wednesday, November 5, 2003

~UPDATE 6TH NOVEMBER~
Please pray for Noah Jay...his WBC is on the rise and his xrays show fluid in his lungs and heart. A couple of days ago, the doctors gave him a week...Noah's journey has been a journey full of miracles...his road has been long and difficult but still this little one never ceases to amaze all of us. Please, please pray for that perfect miracle for Noah Jay...also keep his parents and little sisters in your prayers as they try an comprehend all that is happening...Noah Jay, don't give up, we love you!

Hi everyone,

I'd really like to thank everyone who's been so understanding and supportive regarding my last update... your messages and emails helped put the embarrassment behind me. I know that people do make mistakes and that we're only human! But being "only human", I still couldn't help but feel horrible about it. It's in the past now, and more importantly the Holts know that it was an honest mistake. Jeff & Cari, thank you for your message!

Well I'm *HOME SWEET HOME* in KL- but then again, I call Melbourne home too- but I guess Malaysia is my "real" home coz I was born here and lived here for 15 years before moving over to Australia...anyway, my plane touched about 5.55am this early this morning...I was VERY tired and miserable throughout the entire flight...it wasn't a full flight but for some reason, everyone was compacted to the front of the plane and it wasn't till much later in the flight that I had a walk to the back of the plane that I realised there were so many empty seats! I could've gotten a whole entire row to myself if I had known! Also apparently hay fever follows you around like a lost puppy even when you're leaving for another country thousands of miles away...it follows you through the airport and right onto the plane!!! I couldn't stop sneezing the entire 8 hour journey...I think the old lady next to me thought I had major bowel problems coz I must've gone to the toilet about 8 times on trip- to blow my nose and get tissue! Hehe. Oh and they were showing really bad movies and the only thing worth watching was Finding Nemo but trust my luck the Finding Nemo movie channel wasn't working! Anyway, we finally landed (you could say I was the first to get out of that plane!) and I took the KLIA Express which is a special train which takes you from the airport to the city centre sort of and dad picked me up from there. It saved him a lot of time...it's usually about an hour's drive to the airport so it was much more convenient taking the train in from the airport.

Dad and I went to pick up Karen & Dean's new video camera...it is a nifty lil thing!!! So very expensive but I can tell that it's gonna be used a whole lot! It will be their new toy... speaking of which, Karen & Dean are flying into KL tomorrow night!

This is the second time I've come home to KL and mum hasn't been here...last february, it was the first time I'd come home with mum not around...the house felt so empty and so quiet...not that mum made a lot of noise or anything when she was here with us! But I could really feel the emptiness...even today, when I got home...I walked into our house and I felt it all over again... our house suddenly seemed so big...mum wasn't there pottering around in her kitchen or in the garden...I suppose it's all a matter of getting used to not having her around... but I can't seem to "get used" to it...whenever I used to fly home from Melbourne, mum would be at the airport to greet me. I remember a couple of years ago, she had to have surgery when the cancer came back...at that time I was in Melbourne with school and everything. Then summer came and I flew back to KL for the summer and mum was at the airport...as soon as I stepped out, she saw me and she broke into the biggest smile...I looked at her and just couldn't believe my eyes. Mum had lost a great amount of weight..I knew it was because of the surgery she had but I just couldn't believe how thin she was. I wanted to cry when I saw her but of course I held it all back and smiled...she gave me a hug and linked her arm through mine (I used to love it when she did that!) and we started talking. Even now, around the house, sometimes I forget that she's not around and I'd expect her to be cooking... or watching Bold and the Beautiful or something...or come into my room and just lie on my bed. Somtimes in the morning when I'd be sleeping in, she'd come in and pull the curtains open to let the sun in- only to wake me up! But that never really worked, so she'd sit at the edge of my bed and tickle my feet- which worked. It used to annoy me so much but now I look back on it and I really miss that! There are a lot of things around the house that are still the same from before mum passed away...a lot of her things are still around... her shoes are still in our shoe cupboard...we have lots of photos of her around the house, but it's still not the same...I don't think it'll ever be the same. I walk past the bedroom downstairs where she spent her last couple of months in and just expect to see her there lying on the bed waiting for me to adjust her pillow behind her or to read her a passage from the bible or to help her get out of bed...but I look again and the there's no one in the room, the curtains are pulled open, the bed is empty, the dresser next to the bed is empty- no medicines, no painkillers...I can't ever go into that room again and not think of her last few weeks with us. So much of our time was spent in that room, lying with her in bed, reading to her, talking to her, watching her sleep...I think of her everyday and just wonder each time if she knew that we really loved her (still do!), that we did and tried everything we could to save her life....I want so much to know what really went through her mind in the last 2 weeks of her life...despite her mind still being very alert and aware of everything that was going on around her right up till the moment she passed away, she never spoke during her last 2 weeks...she was simply too weak...so we could never really tell how she was feeling...I've never doubted that she knew her time was soon...but I just want so much to know her exact feelings at the time. I have so many questions for her, all of which I feel like I have to wait an eternity to be answered...I know everyday is a day closer to seeing her again...but right now, it just seems too long...

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

A few days ago, I left a Happy Halloween message in Angel Ryan Holt's guestbook. I mistakenly referred to Angel Ryan as "Angel Luke"...I thank the friend of the Holt family for letting me know that I made that terrible mistake. I sincerely and honestly did not mean to refer to Ryan as Angel Luke...I know that there is no excuse for using the wrong child's name so I won't begin to defend myself in any way. But I do want everyone to know that I visit over 80 children on Caringbridge (both with us and in Heaven) and I know each child and their faces and I also know their parents' and siblings' names as if they were friends in my everyday life. I would never in a million years intentionally mention the wrong child's name, especially when he/she is in Heaven...and I really, really want to apologise to the Holt family from the bottom of my heart. Jeff & Cari, it was an honest mistake and I feel totally ashamed and embarrassed for my entry and I hope that you find it in your hearts to forgive my mistake.

Love, Janice

I hope you enjoyed my update! Please sign my guestbook and visit me again! Lots of hugs and kisses to all of you!

~**Kids who have just undergone transplant**~

***GROW CELLS GROW!!!***

Baby Shanna- Baby Shanna is doing AWESOMEQ Her big brother who was also her donor is such a hero and a very brave boy. Shanna has now 100 percent Nathaniel's cells! ie: 100 percent donor cells! Way to go Shanna..she is an amazing baby. Please keep praying for continued good health for this little one.

Max- Max has a little scare just recently when his mouth became full of sores. He is now doing better, please pray for Max to continue to be healthy and cancer-free.

Please pray for these kids and the many others who have just undergone a bone marrow transplant. The 100 days post-transplant are the most critical. They need all the prayers they can get!

Also, please don't forget our little angels who aren't here with us today...it is never easy for a family to lose a loved one, child or adult...please pray for strength, peace and comfort to be with their family and friends.

Thank you for praying for these kids...you are not only praying for them but also for their families and they are all very appreciative and grateful. If you have the time, please visit their sites and leave them a note. It will certainly help brighten their day!

Now, let's say it all together.......

GROW CELLS GROW!!!!!!!!!

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Tuesday, November 4, 2003

Sunday, November 2, 2003

Hi guys!

Did everyone have a spOOky HaLLowEEn?? I hope so... sometimes I really wish we celebrated it here...so then I could go out and buy all the really yummy lollies! It'd be an excuse to buy lollies...I hardly eat candy, no idea why...I don't have a very sweet tooth...but everytime I'm at the supermarket and I'm on the lolly aisle, I just stand there and look at the shelves and shelves of different and colourful lollies...I totally understand how kids can so be sucked into this whole lolly business! If I were a 5 year old, I'd be lolly crazy too :)

Anyway, 2 days till I fly off to Malaysia! I am sooooo looking forward to it...besides seeing family and friends, I will be thousands and thousands of miles away from HAY FEVER! YAY! I have been sneezing non-stop the past week... I have nearly given up on hay fever tablets and just the other day Karen said that I should try the nazal spray which I was a little hesitant to try..coz I just don't like the idea of spraying something up my nose! But I thought that I would just put up with it for a few more days and I'll be OUTTA here...no more hay fever for a month!

So I haven't started packing yet...which ISN'T a worry... I usually start the night before or the morning that I am leaving...I'll have plenty of time. Poor Adrian will be alone here in Melbourne...ah, I bet he can't wait to have the apartment all to himself and have his loud and nagging sister out of the way :) Haha. His first exam is on Thursday so please keep him in your prayers...this boy really works hard...he studies in his room all day long, and only comes out to have breakfast, lunch or dinner, for a shower or to watch Australian Idol or Soccer Highlights on TV. So pray that he keeps cool and calm during finals and that he does well...he has very high standards when it comes to finals!

I don't think Melbourne's weather can get any weirder... over the weekend starting on Friday, we've had rain on and off the ENTIRE weekend...it would be pouring rain for 15 minutes and suddenly it would stop and the skies would be clear blue (sometimes not a cloud in sight) and the sun would be shining, and literally 10 minutes later, it would start raining again...I don't think I left my umbrella alone for a minute this weekend! Needless to day, Marcus & I did not drive to Sorrento today...we were gonna leave early this morning but it was pouring rain so we decided to give it a miss. I don't think being on a ferry when it's raining and the seas are rough is a good idea! But little did we know, the sun came out and the day was beautiful later on in the morning and afternoon..by then it was too late to drive down :( OH WELL.

We had dinner at Karen's & Dean's tonight...PIZZA! Nice and easy. And then we sat around the TV and watched Australian Idol...we are now down to 3 final contestants!!! Shannon, Guy and Cosima. The favourite to win is Shannon...but after tonight, Guy kicked some serious butt and he is sooooooooo gonna win...Karen, Dean, Adrian and I all voted for him tonight :) Haha...I could not resist...he has to win...I would be devastated if he didn't. The saddest part of all is that we won't be here for the final round next weekend! We'll all (except Adrian) be in Malaysia...so I'm gonna have to get Adrian to record it for us. GO GUY!

Okay I'll be taking LOTS of photos with the digital camera when I'm back in KL...there'll be lots to take... Tracy's wedding...dad's birthday (on the 8th of November!)... all my family and friends...but I'm not sure if I'll be able to post them up while I'm there...but if I'm not able to, I'll definitely post them up when I get back...and the next time I update, I will be in Malaysia, in sunny (hopefully) tropical weather! None of this cold one minute, hot one minute business...

So till then, I hope everyone has had a great weekend and a great start to the week...please remember all the little ones and a few of the big ones too. I'll be adding more kids to my prayer list below as we go along...please remember, Katia, Noah Jay, Jeffrey, Dakoda, Cassidy and all the others in your daily prayers...hang in there sweeties!

Thanks for checking in!

Lots of love, hugs & kisses to all...

Janice

Thursday, October 30, 2003

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

So much for summer being just around the corner...today was just FREEZING! Okay I may be exaggerating just a tad, but seriously, it was COLD...it's not supposed to be cold in October! We're supposed to be at the beach sunbaking... but I don't see any of that happening for at least another month...Melbourne Cup (horse racing) is just a few days away, and it's usually scorching hot on Melbourne Cup day every year...I think this year will be different. Speaking of Melbourne Cup, I can't believe I'll be missing it yet again! It's on the first Tuesday of November (ie: this year it'll be on the 4th of Nov)...and I've never been, mainly because finals are always on during Melbourne Cup... and this year was my one chance to actually make an appearance but I'll be flying home to KL! Not that I'm complaining about flying home though...but I just wished I could've at least made it to Oaks Day, which is the Thursday after Melbourne Cup Day where all the ladies dress up in their best dresses and hats and drink champagne all day :) I used to get so jealous during Melbourne Cup week...I'd be on the train on the way to finals and I'd see all the ladies dressed up in the most beautiful dresses with their really cool hats and I ALWAYS wished I could join in the fun...it's such a huge celebration...one of the biggest horse races around... but I suppose there's always next year!

This weekend will be quite busy for me...alongside packing...or should I say "trying" to pack...I have A LOT of stuff to pack!!! The challenge will be zipping up the suitcase! Tomorrow night I have a friend's birthday to go to...Saturday is Marcus' birthday so we're going out to dinner (he doesn't know which restaurant, it's a surprise!), Sunday we might take a drive down to Sorrento and take the ferry across to Queenscliff and drive back up to Melbourne...weather permitting of course! The way it's been looking, I won't count on it. And we might also be having dinner with Karen & Dean Sunday night...

Well, Halloween's here...I was actually invited to a work Halloween party (didn't think anyone celebrated it Down Under!) but I've got my friend's birthday to go to, so I won't be going to the Halloween party...which is kind of a relief in a way, coz I wouldn't even know where to start thinking of a dress up costume!!

I hope everyone has a happy, fun, spooky and safe Halloween...I can just imagine all the kids all hyper from all the candy...luckily Halloween's only once a year, parents!

Please don't forget Jeffrey in your prayers as he has just relapsed...his story is actually really sad as his relapse COULD'VE been avoided if his dad gave him his chemos over the summer... if you read through his journal history, you'd get a better picture of what I'm talking about...

Also, please say some extra prayers for Dakoda. He is an 8 year old who was doing great fighting a malignant brain tumour...he has done so extremely well in the last 14 months, but unfortunately his last MRI showed tumour regrowth...his parents are devastated obviously, so please go by his site and offer them some words of love, comfort and support...

Don't forget all the other kids too! Thanks for checking on them and keeping them in your prayers and showing them how loved they are!

HaPPy spOOky HallowEEN!!!!!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Please say some extra prayers for Jeffrey. He is a 7 year old fighting ALL and has just relapsed in his Central Nervous System...I am so saddened with this news. His mom is totally devastated...please keep them in your prayers. Go by their website and let them know you're thinking of them and praying for them. Thank you...

Monday, October 27, 2003

Hi everyone!

It was weird not having to go to work today...I actually had time to run errands and have coffee with some friends. I better enjoy this while I can...

Today, I *FINALLY* submitted my application for permanent residency here in Australia...YAY! All out of the way... thank goodness. I've been working on it since August and finally everything's done. I just hope it doesn't take too long for it to be granted...Karen (who's already a permanent resident) is sponsoring me, so it really shouldn't be a problem. Fingers crossed!

Okay, here's something scary...over the weekend, there was a gangland shooting on the street of where one of my friends live. It was just so shocking because South Yarra really is a safe neighbourhood...nothing like this has ever happened around here and you wouldn't expect shootings like these to happen! But it did...and my friend said he heard about 4-5 gunshots and minutes later he found out that a guy was killed behind his apartment. I actually had to go pick him up coz we were going out that night and when I got there, there were police cars everywhere, there was tape all around the "crime" scene and TV cameras everywhere...I had goosebumps all over me driving through there! Anyway, luckily they've arrested the alleged killer so that's a good thing. This guy who was shot was shot so many times in his head infront of his wife and 5 year old son...that is just totally outrageous and traumatising!

Anyway, did everyone know that President Bush was in Australia last week? I didn't manage to catch his live speech from Parliament House but I managed to watch some of it on the news :)

I hope everyone enjoys my Halloween bordered background... we don't celebrate it here in Australia...I have no idea why. I think we should!

Have a great start to the week, guys...thanks for checking in.

Love, Janice

PS: More added links to CB kids' websites below...

Monday, October 27, 2003

I Am Not Gone

I am not gone, I am changed.
Have faith and please believe me.
God did not take me away from you,
He split the skies and received me.
Now....
I'm an echo in your laughter,
a reflection in your tears,
an extra thread of strength
to help you overcome your fears.
I'm an added ray of sunshine,
more joy for you to share,
a fragrance of the life you live.
Wherever you are - I am there.

~Terri McPherson~

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Monday, October 27, 2003

Saturday, October 25, 2003

*~*~NEW PHOTOS ADDED~*~*

Hi everyone!

I was going to write more on mum's birthday on Tuesday but I had some trouble with entering new journals on Caringbridge...in the end I just got really frustrated and just had to get off the computer :) Well, I bought a chocolate mud birthday cake for mum's birthday...we had it for dessert and I think there's still some left in the fridge :)

Yesterday was my last day at work! It was pretty sad leaving all my new friends...the downside of temporary work is that just as you are about to make all these really good friends, it's actually time for you to leave.. I've made a couple of very good friends during my time at this job, particularly Sara from England...she's one of the nicest and friendliest people I've ever met and she totally makes me laugh. I think I've formed a really good friendship with her...it sort of caught me by surprise actually because all of my close friendships have been formed years ago in high school and I never thought I could form friendships like that again...but you can! I think it'll be really sad when Sara has to leave for England in April of next year :( An excuse to make a visit to England perhaps?

So we all went out for some celebratory drinks after work yesterday..just to unwind and relax after a long and hard 8 weeks :)

Adrian is now busy studying for finals which are coming up in a couple of weeks...other than that, all is pretty much the same over this side of the world :)

The weather has been pretty dismal lately...it's been reasonably warm but just gloomy and drizzly, if not rainy. At least our water storage is increasing! But we still have a LONG way to go to fully recover from the drought.

9 days till I'm back in KL! I'll be arriving in KL on the 5th...Karen & Dean on the 6th...and on the 7th will be our cousin Tracy's wedding to Patrick. They make such an awesome couple! I can't wait for the wedding...which reminds me, I am on a mission to find the right dress. Adrian won't be able to make it for the wedding because of finals, but he's due back in KL sometime in late November. So there'll be lots of travelling then...it'll be good for all of us to make a trip home and visit family. I have a feeling that some of you may be a little confused with this whole travelling back and forth thing from Melbourne to KL, where does she call home, where is she REALLY from?? But I promise I'll explain EVERYTHING soon :) When I have more time to write...

Before I go, please continue to keep little Katia in your prayers...they are concerned with her lung scans, let's all hope and pray this is nothing serious and only gets better. Her entire family is an inspiration, especially her mum Tracy...just read her updates and you'll understand!

Also, continue to pray for Noah Jay's healing...he has been through so much, and his journey has been a major rollercoaster ride...he has quite a few medical issues to deal with right now, so please pray that he overcomes all of this quickly and safely.

I'd like to introduce a couple of other kids that I regularly check on...the first one is a beautiful little girl I adopted when I first discovered Caringbridge. Her name is Cassidy and she's currently fighting ALL and has been having problems with pneumonia lately...her dad, Kevin, is in Iraq as a military doctor and it's been difficult for the entire family to be apart. Kevin's been sent to Iraq to save lives but at the same time has his life in constant danger. Please go by and offer them some words of love and support.

Hannah & Madeline are twins that are currently in remission...their entire journey has been an inspiration... although they are cancer-free now, the journey isn't over...their grandmother is now also fighting cancer, so please keep this beautiful family in your prayers. If you go by their website, you'll see exactly how adorable these two are and also their dad is a great writer/photographer...his journal updates are hilarious.

Morgan is a 4 year old fighting Neuroblastoma...she is doing well but please go by her website and offer her and her family some extra words of love and encouragement.

As the days go on, I'll start adding more and more links to this page so that we can spread the love, support and encouragement all around Caringbridge...I will also include links of kids who are doing great and in remission. Even though they are cancer-free and are leading somewhat "normal" lives, they still need lots of prayers and support...the journey is never over for them. So please check back for more links! :)

Also, please say some extra prayers for my big friend (as opposed to the little ones of Caringbridge) Deirdre as she only has a couple more weeks of chemo! Go Deirdre! I know she'll be a survivor...this one's a tough one, full of spirit and motivation! And also some extra prayers to my Aunty Maureen currently fighting Breast Cancer.

Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend...I think I might just have a lazy one and read a book :) Thanks to everyone who's been leaving me messages, and thank you for always checking in, not only on me, but also on all the little ones and big ones...

Hugs & Kisses,
Janice
XOXO

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN, MUM!

Dearest mum,

We think of you and remember you everyday but especially today as 55 years ago, God put you on this Earth for a very special reason...we miss you more than anything and wish with all our hearts that you were here to celebrate your birthday...time has passed but nothing can or ever will fill the emptiness within our hearts. Wherever you are, I know you're waiting for us...and not a day goes by where I don't think of the day I'll be seeing you again. Sending you lots of love, hugs and kisses to the Heavens on your special day...

Remembering and loving you forever,
Dad, Karen & Dean, Janice and Adrian
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Hi everyone!

I've got a new border but I am keeping the pink background for October's Breast Cancer month...and pink's a cool colour anyway! :)

How's everyone's weekend been? Mine's been good...not much happening but relaxing I suppose. The late shift last week really took a lot out of me...I didn't enjoy the late shift too much at all...I think it made me realise how easily bored I can get and how I need people to talk to when I'm bored! Haha. Next week is my last week at work! Can you believe it's already been 7 weeks since I started working??? I'm not sure if I'll be staying longer...I might stay an extra week at work, but that's only if they need me...nothing's been confirmed yet. It's been getting pretty quiet and less busy, so I have a feeling they might not need us...but I hope they do...the extra money's always good! Also, I have the early shift next week...I start at 8am and finish at 4.15pm...it will be so good! And the best part is that Sara (the English girl I'm working with) has the exact same shift, so we have our breaks and lunch together...it will be so nice not having to have lunch alone :)

The weather Melbourne has been getting is just unbelieavable...for the first time in MONTHS, it really feels like summer is here...both Friday and Saturday was scorching HOT!! Well, not exactly scorching...but it was HOT. On Friday, I found myself staring out of my office window most of the time wishing I was at the beach :)

Today, Adrian, Marcus & I had lunch at Karen & Dean's... Karen bought a steak and onion pie and I bought a quiche lorraine (spinach)...very nice! We then had a few games of playstation- I even played too believe it or not!

Well, only 16 days till I'm back in KL!

I am off to cook some dinner in time for Australian Idol and Meet The Parents on TV later on tonight :)

As always, please keep the Caringbridge kids in your prayers as they fight for their lives daily...I've managed to go by quite a few guestbooks this weekend, and I'm glad I have. Please know that I am trying my hardest to go round as often as I can...and even though I don't sign in sometimes, you are all in my thoughts and prayers :)

Love, Janice

I hope you enjoyed my update! Please sign my guestbook and visit me again! Lots of hugs and kisses to all of you!

~**Kids who have just undergone transplant**~

***GROW CELLS GROW!!!***

Baby Shanna- Baby Shanna is doing AWESOME and just amazing everyone every single day! Her big brother who was also her donor is such a hero and a very brave boy. Please keep Shanna and her family in your prayers, pray that all continues to go well for this little baby.

Max- Max is now HOME! YEAH! His donor cells have also engrafted 100 percent!!! GO MAX :) Please pray that Max continues to do well and that his donor cells stay 100 percent...keep his family in your prayers too.

Please pray for these kids and the many others who have just undergone a bone marrow transplant. The 100 days post-transplant are the most critical. They need all the prayers they can get!

Also, please don't forget our little angels who aren't here with us today...it is never easy for a family to lose a loved one, child or adult...please pray for strength, peace and comfort to be with their family and friends.

Thank you for praying for these kids...you are not only praying for them but also for their families and they are all very appreciative and grateful. If you have the time, please visit their sites and leave them a note. It will certainly help brighten their day!

Now, let's say it all together.......

GROW CELLS GROW!!!!!!!!!

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Sunday, October 19, 2003

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Sunday, October 19, 2003

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Sunday, October 19, 2003

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Sunday, October 19, 2003

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hi guys,
Sorry if baby Noah's link seemed to have disappeared from this website... I've now added him to my angel list, so please go by his website like you used to. Barbara, thanks for letting me know that his link wasn't on here :) Big hugs to all of you, have a great weekend!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hi everyone,

Wow, it's been awhile since I've had the chance to update in the mornings! I have the late shift this week- start at 11.45am and finish at 8pm- so I now have more time in the mornings to do things...which is great! I used to take for granted all the time I had to run errands...you know, like going to the post office, to the bank...that kinda thing! Even having a coffee with friends these days are getting so hard...a very old friend of mine is actually down in Melbourne for a holiday and we are all meant to have coffee on Thursday afternoon but I have to work! Ah well :)

So the late shift has been good and bad in its own ways... the good bit is, usually after 6pm it doesn't get too busy and the bad bit is, usually after 6pm everyone's left and there's only like 4 of us left in the entire department, so it gets a little lonely and boring...nothing I can't handle though, only 3 days left of this weird shift! And I also get a cab charge home, so it only takes me like 10 minutes to get home...it's brilliant :)

I spoke to Karen last night and she sounds very much better from her flu...it was pretty bad the last time I spoke to her! We're all getting together this weekend... we might have dinner on Saturday night...Adrian & Dean will probably stay home and play playstation and Karen & I might go to the movies or something...

The weather in Melbourne has been picture perfect the past couple of days! Temperature has been in the mid 20's (celcius) and the sun's been out...summer is definitely on its way! I can't wait!

My best friend from Malaysia called last night and it was so good to talk to her again...only 19 days till I'm back in KL!

Could I please ask everyone to go down on their knees and pray for Noah Jay. If all goes well, he will be heading in for a 2nd transplant...anything and everything to save this little boy's life. He is a real fighter. Also, continue to keep Katia, baby Shanna, Kody, Michael, Michaela and many more in your prayers...not to mention, all the angels we've lost and their families too...the Cole family, the Prichard family, the Zipter family just to name a few.

On to some excellent news....get ready for this! Baby Jordan is now HOME SWEET HOME in Illinois with all of his family and friends! This lil fella has waited a long, long time to finally be home...pray he continues to do well within his home surroundings and that no infection or what not occurs.

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers...they are all very much appreciated :)

Love, Janice

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Hi everyone!

Well, since Caringbridge will be moving servers very shortly and we'll be unable to access the websites for at least 3 days, I thought I'd make an update now :)

The weekend's here!!! I've been looking forward to it all week :) Actually, this past week hasn't been too bad at all...I can't remember if I mentioned in my last update that I've finally got my own desk at work? Incase I didn't, YES I FINALLY got my own permanent desk at work!! No more moving around! It was so annoying not knowing where I was gonna sit everyday...but now I have my original desk that I was meant to have and not only that, it came with a brand spanking new flat screen monitor. And I'm also now sitting with the girls I get along with the most at work, so that makes it even more enjoyable. I've made some really good friends at work, particularly Aimee and Sara (who's from England). Our ages are so different but yet we get along really well...Sara is 19, I'm 22 and Aimee is 26. Yesterday was the start to the Rugby World Cup, so we had some after work drinks down at the usual pub with everyone else we work with..

Today was a big cleaning day!! I cleaned the entire apartment inside and out...Adrian's gone out to a friends birthday BBQ and I'm just on my way out with my best friend to a bar where Peter Murray is gonna perform tonight..it should be good.

In 10 days, it would be mum's birthday...she would've turned 55.

Before I forget, if you are trying to get to Kody's website, you'll find that you'll be needing a password... you can email his mum Kim at kodysmom1995@yahoo.com and get the password from her. A couple of people have asked me for the password but I'm really not in the position to give it out! Hope everyone understands :) I'm sure if you emailed Kim, she would be more than happy to give it to you!

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! Thanks for all of your messages and for always checking in :)

Love, Janice

Wednesday, October 8, 2003

Sadly, Baby Noah lost his long and brave battle to Krabbes Disease yesterday. What exactly do you say to his devastated parents who've only had their baby boy for a little over a year and spent most of that year in the hospital? Noah celebrated his 1st birthday in August and practically all of his first and only year of his life, he fought to live. He gave it everything he got but God finally called him home...all of us at Caringbridge are so extremely proud of Baby Noah and we are even prouder of Greg & Debbie for being the most devoted parents. Please go by their website and offer them some words of comfort and support...they will truly appreciate it. Even if you have nothing to say, just let them know that they are in your thoughts...

My cousin Tracy sent me this email a couple of days ago and I'd like to share it with everyone who visits this website...

Ovarian Cancer Test

PLEASE READ I ASK ALL MY WOMAN FRIEND'S TO READ THIS. IF THE MAN OF THE HOUSEHOLD IS IN CHARGE OF THE EMAIL (LIKE HE IS OF THE TV REMOTE), PLEASE GUYS, AND PASS THIS ON TO THE WOMEN YOU LOVE. (YES, THE PLURAL WAS INTENTIONAL - MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS ARE WOMEN TOO). PRINT IT UP AND TAKE IT TO YOUR DOCTOR WHEN YOU GO FOR YOUR NEXT ANNUAL.

From an RN -
I hope you all take the time to read this and pass it on to all you can. Send this to the women in your life that you care about. Years ago, Gilda Radner died of ovarian cancer. Her symptoms were inconclusive, and she was treated
for everything under the sun until it was too late. This blood test finally identified her illness but, alas, too late. She wrote a book to heighten awareness; Gene Wilder is her widower.

As all of you know, I have Primary Peritoneal Cancer. This cancer has only recently been identified as its OWN type of cancer, but it is essentially Ovarian Cancer. Both types of cancer are diagnosed in the same way, with the "tumor marker" CA-125 BLOOD TEST, and they are treated in the same way surgery to remove the primary tumor and then chemotherapy with Taxol and Carboplatin. Having gone through this ordeal, I want to save others from the same fate. That is why I am sending this message to you and hope you will print it and give it or send it via E-mail to
everybody you know.

One thing I have learned is that each of us must take TOTAL responsibility for our own health care. I thought I had done that because I always had an annual physical and PAP smear, did a monthly self-breast exam, went to the dentist at least twice a year, etc. I even insisted on a sigmoidoscopy and a bone density test last year. When I had a total hysterectomy in 1993, I thought that I did not have to worry about getting any of the female reproductive organ cancers.

LITTLE DID I KNOW? I don't have ovaries (and they were HEALTHY when they were removed), but I have what is essentially ovarian cancer. Strange, isn't it? These are just SOME of the things our Doctors never tell us: ONE out of every 55 women will get OVARIAN or PRIMARY PERITONEA CANCER. The "CLASSIC" symptoms are an ABDOMEN that rather SUDDENLY ENLARGES and CONSTIPATION and/or DIARRHEA. I had these classic symptoms and went to the doctor. Because these symptoms seemed to be "abdominal", I went to a gastroenterologist. He ran tests that were designed to determine whether there was a bacterial infection; these tests were negative, and I was diagnosed with "Irritable Bowel Syndrome." I guess I would have accepted this diagnosis had it not been for my enlarged abdomen. I swear to you, it looked like I was 4-5 months pregnant Therefore, I insisted on more tests. They took an X-ray of my abdomen; it was negative. I was again assured that I had Irritable bowel Syndrome ad was encouraged to go on my scheduled month-long trip to Europe. I couldn't wear any of my slacks or shorts because I couldn't get them buttoned, and I KNEW something was radically wrong. I INSISTED on more tests and they (reluctantly) scheduled me for a CT-Scan (just to shut me up, I think). This is what I mean by "taking charge of our own health care." The CT-Scan showed a lot of fluid in my abdomen NOT normal). Needless to say, I had to cancel my trip and have FIVE POUNDS of fluid drained off at the hospital (not a pleasant procedure, I assure you), but NOTHING compared to what was ahead of me). Tests revealed cancer cells in the fluid. Finally, finally, finally, the doctor ran a CA-125
blood test, and I was properly diagnosed.

I HAD THE CLASSIC SYMPTOMS FOR OVARIAN CANCER, AND YET THIS SIMPLE CA-125 BLOOD TEST HAD NEVER BEEN RUN ON ME, not as part of my annual physical exam and not when I was symptomatic. This is an inexpensive and simple blood test.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ALL YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS AND RELATIVES TO INSIST ON A CA-125 BLOOD TEST EVERY YEAR AS PART OF THEIR ANNUAL PHYSICAL EXAMS.

Be forewarned that their doctors might try to talk them out of it, saying, "IT ISN'T NECESSARY." Believe me, had I known then what I know now, we would have caught my cancer much earlier . . . before it was a stage 3 cancer.

Insist on the CA-125 BLOOD TEST; DO NOT take "NO" for an answer!

The normal range for a CA-125 BLOOD TEST is between
zero and 35. MINE WAS 754. That's right, 754!

If the number is slightly above 35, you can have another done in three or six months and keep a close eye on it, just like women do when they have fibroid tumors or when men have a slightly elevated PSA test (Prostatic Specific Antigens) that helps diagnose prostate cancer.

Having the CA-125 test done annually can alert you early, and that's the goal in diagnosing any type of cancer - catching it early.

Do you know 55 women? If so, at least one of them will have this VERY AGGRESSIVE cancer. Please, go to your doctor and insist on a CA-125 test and have one EVERY YEAR for the rest of your life.

And forward this message to every woman you know, and tell all of your female family members and friends. Though the exactly 56), women as young as 22 have it. Age is no factor.

A NOTE FROM THE RN:
Well, after reading this, I made some calls. I found that the CA-125 test is an ovarian screening test equivalent to a man's PSA test prostate screen (which Ron's doctor automatically gives him in his physical each year and insurance pays for it). I called the general practitioner's office about having the test done. The nurse had never heard of it. She told me that she doubted that insurance would pay for it. So I called Prudential Insurance Co and got the same response. Never heard of it it won't be covered. I explained that it was the same as the PSA test they had paid for my husband for years. After conferring with whomever they confer with, she told me that the CA-125 would be covered.

It is $75 in a GP's office and $125 at the GYN's. This is a screening test that should be required just like a PAP smear (a PAP smear cannot detect problems with your ovaries). And you must insist that your insurance company pay for it.

Gene Wilder and Pierce Brosnan (his wife had it, too) are lobbying for women's health issues, saying that this test should be required in our physicals, just like the PAP and the mammogram.

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO SEND THIS OUT TO ALL THOSE YOU CAN. BE IT MALE OR FEMALE, IT SHOULD NOT MATTER, AS THEY CAN FORWARD IT ON ALSO TO THOSE
LOVED ONES THEY KNOW.

I found the email very interesting as it was exactly what happened with mum...before she was diagnosed, her stomach bloated a whole lot and it just got big...she had put on some weight. Little did we know that it was something that would change our lives forever. The symptoms to Ovarian Cancer are so vague...you'd think you were pregnant or just "that time of the month"...so you really can never be too careful. See your doctor, get them to run all the tests they can run...trust your instinct, only you know how your body works, and you know your body the most. And if everyone could spread the word on how silent a killer Ovarian Cancer is, I'm sure we will all be saving someone's life.

Love, Janice

Monday, October 6, 2003

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I report that Baby Noah seems to be slowly growing his angel wings...after being able to bust out of the hospital after endless months in the hospital, he is now back again in PICU. I don't think anyone who's followed Noah on his journey hasn't had their heart broken...Noah himself is a miracle. Please pray for this lil fella and his devastated family. Go by his website and offer the Prichard family some words of love and encouragement...if there's been a time that they've needed it most, now is the time. Their baby has had a very short life...and yet in his short life, so much has happened. If baby Noah's complete healing is not to be, please pray for peace, comfort and strength to be with all of them.

I hope everyone's had a great weekend! My weekend was pretty good...Marcus and I went to the Melbourne Zoo. It was really awesome...the sun was out and it was a beautiful day. The last time I was at the Melbourne Zoo was a few years ago when mum was with us. She enjoyed herself thoroughly...I remember we took a photo of her and a koala, but I can't seem to remember where that photo is. I'll try and look for it and put it up. She really loved doing the touristy stuff...she was always up for anything and she had a lot of enthusiasm for a lot of things.

I've been having these recurring dreams of mum lately... in these dreams, she always appears sick like she's just been through chemo or surgery. Last night, I dreamt that I was at work and I had an emergency call fromt he hospital saying that mum felt really ill after her chemo and she wouldn't stop throwing up. I rushed to the hospital and got to mum's room and just outside her room, there were a few kids sitting outside her door praying for her. I later learnt that they were actually some of the kids from Caringbridge. In the dream, I was so overjoyed that the Caringbridge kids were praying for mum. I walked inside her room and saw mum on the bed so fragile and she was throwing up. And then I don't remember much of what happened later in the dream. It's just so bizzare...I don't know why I've been having these dreams. A couple of nights ago, I dreamt that mum was really ill and she was extremely thin (which she was before she passed away) and she had her arm linked through mine, and we were walking together. I wonder what it all means...I usually wake up from these dreams and it hits me like a ton of bricks that it was all a dream...that she's not with us anymore. That she's not here with cancer. My heart than sinks to the bottom, I recall certain memories of her and try and go back to sleep. It's been like this for a few days now.. it'll probably happen again tonight!

Well, work is going fine...I am actually getting a little bored with answering calls day in and day out, but it's only for another 3 weeks. Today wasn't too busy as it was Labour Day in a couple of states. I also FINALLY got my own computer (and a flat screen too!) and desk at work.. and it's a "window-seat" desk too, which means I get to stare out the window and day dream :) Haha. And I get the morning and evening sun shining through too which is cool.. I love the sun!

Adrian started back at uni today. He seems to be pretty busy with lots of school work and he's also been busying himself with some tennis. Tonight he said he's given up on soccer because most of his friends have lost interest. What a bummer...he is such a soccer craze person...I know that if he had a chance to play professional soccer, he would do that in an instant! Even tonight, we had to fight over the remote control- it was either Australian Idol or Soccer Highlights :) Karen has been down with the flu so she had a day off work today...get well soon, Karen!!

I guess that's all for now...as always, don't forget the precious kids of Caringbridge and all the other ill kids in this world. Kids who are ill not just from cancer but from all the other diseases. I read in the paper the other day that a 9 year old boy had a heart transplant when he was only 17 months old...and today he is like any other normal kid around. You can't help but smile and feel your heart burst with just a little pride when you read stories like that. If only every story had a happy ending...also, please don't forget my Aunty Maureen in your prayers...

Thanks for checking in! Have a great week, everyone :)

Love, Janice

Thursday, October 2, 2003

Hi everyone :)

October's here! Does time fly by real quick or what? Before you know it, Christmas will be here...and speaking of Christmas, they're already starting to sell Christmassy stuff! I saw a whole bunch of Christmas decorations being sold the other day. I'll be spending Christmas this year in Melbourne and won't exactly mind a Christmas tree :) We spent Christmas in Melbourne last year too but we didn't have a tree...only Karen & Dean had one for their house. But I might get one for the apartment this year, with Christmas lights and everything! When mum was around, we always had a Christmas tree in our KL home every year...I don't think a year went by when we didn't have one. And I'd ALWAYS look forward to when we could start decorating the tree and the first time we put the lights on. Only September and there's Christmas talk already!

Melbourne's weather has been so extremely miserable lately..it hasn't stopped raining in 2 days...and I mean it LITERALLY hasn't stopped raining. It's also been pretty windy, and today my poor umbrella succumbed to the wind!!! I was actually pretty disappointed as the umbrella I had was a pretty strong and sturdy one...not ones that would easily fall apart with a gush of wind. But on my way home from work today the winds were SO strong, that it literally tore my umbrella apart and I had to throw it away :( There was no way it could be fixed..and I had to travel home in the rain umbrella-less! We are supposed to have great weather this weekend...well it better be anyway!

I took Karen out to lunch yesterday during my lunch break. We had very yummy Japanese...I couldn't stay too long though coz I only had about 40 minutes to spare, so it felt kinda rushed but it was good to catch up anyway. Karen & Dean also dropped by this evening after work, as they were killing time before heading off to Dean's chiropractor appointment. They are both doing good and been really busy with work. Karen said she worked late all of last week- till 10pm! Poor thing.

Adrian will be starting uni again next week...if you ask me, he has been really enjoying his holidays too much! Maybe I just say that coz I really envy his days off! Whereas I have to get up early and go to work. Haha.

Well, I decided to use pink as my background today in honour of October being Breast Cancer Month. The 27th of October is Breast Cancer Day here in Australia, so everyone please go out and purchase a pink ribbon if you can...it will help with breast cancer research and we really need that more than anything. Breast Cancer affects about 1 in 11 women. Everyday in Australia, over 25 women discover they have breast cancer and currently, there are over 100,000 Australian women, their families and friends still coping with a diagnosis of breast cancer and its consequences. I remember last year, Sarah O'Hare, the Australian Model who actively promotes Breast Cancer awareness said that 1 in 3 Australian women will know of someone who has Breast Cancer or have had Breast Cancer.. and I just thought that it was such a devastating statistic. So please help our doctors, researchers and scientists today buy purchasing a pink ribbon or making any form of donation to the relevant institutions! You will be saving the life of your wife, girlfriend, mother, grandmother, daughter, aunt, sister or cousin.

Having said all of that, please keep my Aunty Maureen in your prayers as she is currently battling Breast Cancer. She has been taking oral chemo and news is it's working and her tumour has shrunk a fair bit! That is awesome news and praise God for that. Also please keep my Aunty Janet who is a Breast Cancer survivor in your prayers. She has been a real fighter and a true survivor, and I only pray that she remains healthy and cancer-free.

And as always, never forget the kids who need your support...Katia, Kody, Noah Jay, baby Noah and many more. Not to mention our little friend's we've lost to this devastating disease.

The weekend's NEARLY here! Have a fun and safe one, everyone and thank you for checking in!

Love, Janice

Monday, September 29, 2003

Hi everyone!

I know it's been quite a few days since I've updated... and it's been even more than that since I've been around to guestbooks signing. I am SO SORRY! It really saddens me that I now have so little time to devote to the kids of Caringbridge. While I was at university, I had a lot of time to go round checking on the kids and signing their guestbooks and I thoroughly enjoyed it...but now I'll be lucky to even find the time to get on the computer. I've been trying my hardest though, I can promise you that. Caringbridge has been such a huge part of my life this past year and there's no way I'd let it slip away from my life. It's just too much a part of my emotional and spiritual well being :) So to all the families I regularly check on, I'm sorry I haven't been by lately...

The good news is that I have booked my flight back to KL for early November, and I'll be on holiday for a month so that'll give me more time to catch up! I'm really looking forward to it. My cousin Tracy is getting married early November and it's also dad's birthday then, so it'll be a great time to be back in KL...I can't wait!

Not much has been happening in my neck of the woods... work has been taking up a lot of my time. We've been super busy lately, and I've just been swamped with phone calls :) I average about 70 calls a day- PHEW! It's slowly getting better...I'm picking up more things everyday and just learning as I go on.

It was the Aussie football grand final on Saturday..and it's like the biggest sporting event ever for us Aussies. It's the ONE day that the 22 million of us (or however many of us there are in this country- hehe) look forward to in the whole year. The teams were Brisbane Lions vs Collingwood (Magpies). The lions won, much to the embarrassment of the Magpies!!! It's been awhile since they've won any grand final at all. I go for neither teams so I wasn't elated and I wasn't distraught :) Some of my friends were soooooo devastated that the Magpies lost, they were in tears. I still can't believe how serious the Aussies are with football :) It's a great event though with the most amazing atmosphere... it's held at the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) and has an audience of about 90,000. I am thinking of taking the MCG tour next weekend with some friends. I've never been and it's meant to be a really good experience.

Adrian is still on holiday and he is really making full use of it. Aunty Janet & Uncle Trevor left for a 3 week holiday to New Zealand on Friday. They must be having such a blast. Everytime I think of New Zealand, I think of mum. She had always wanted to go to New Zealand...and for awhile, dad had planned for all of us to make a trip, but mum's chemo treatments were always in the way. Either that or just as she was getting better, the cancer would come back. So her illness never made the trip possible. In her lifetime, mum managed to see a lot of different countries around the world, but unfortunately New Zealand wasn't one of them, but I'm sure she's been there by now :) I'm pretty sure angels fly wherever they want to!

Well, thanks to everyone who's come by to check on me... I soooooo appreciate it and look forward to reading any messages I get! :) I will try and get back to everyone and make my rounds in the guestbooks.

Please don't forget the kids- Noah Jay, Katia, baby Noah and many, many more. Also, please remember Kody (links are all below) in your prayers as he goes through eye surgery tomorrow. Hang in there and be brave, Kody! I love you! Thanks to all who do wonderful, selfless, beautiful things for the little ones...

Have a great rest of the week!

Love, Janice

PS: The Dixie Chicks had a concert in Melbourne last night but I didn't get tickets!! :( I am hoping to get tickets for Christina Aguilera's show in December! Cross your fingers :)

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Hi everyone!

New photos added! So please check them out :) Time to update all of you on the walk...it was brilliant! We all had a lot of fun...not so fun getting out of bed at 4.45am though! But it was for a good cause and very worth it. Karen & Dean came to pick us up at 5.15am. We met Allison (Dean's sister) at Albert Park Lake and Alli had our lanterns ready for us. There was a little ceremony at the start, a couple of speeches here and there, which included a speech from Jason McCartney who is an Aussie football player who was in Bali during the Bali bombings. He lost quite a few team mates in the bombings so he was there in memory of them. A lady (can't remember her name!) also sang the most beautiful song in memory of all our loved ones lost...it had me in tears. I don't know the name to the song but it was just extremely moving and the lyrics were so meaningful. After about 25 minutes or so, we started the walk, by then the sun had started rising a little...it was a 5km walk and must've finished it at around 7am. For some reason it was extremely windy that morning, which made walking so much harder! A little boy's cap nearly got blown into the lake. He was running after it and I was so scared he was gonna fall in, but luckily he caught his cap in time :) It's the second time they've had the Remembrance Walk and we had a pretty good turn up. I would say about a couple of hundred people were there for the walk. I didn't get a chance to speak to anyone else there, but I know we all shared one thing in common, that is someone we love dearly isn't with us anymore. I have to admit, throughout the entire walk, I felt a calmness come over me and I just thought of mum and how I so wished she was still here but at the same time accepting to the fact that she is safe and cancer free in Heaven, which is most important. I know she did everything she could to stay here with us, she fought her hardest and as bravely as she could. But her complete healing on earth was not to be. I am learning to accept that fact but still find it hard to live my life without her. Only time will tell if my broken heart can heal and if the pain will lessen. I also thought of the little ones we've lost here at Caringbridge...so many kids who've been so dear to me have earned their angel wings since I've been involved with Caringbridge. I thought of each of them and their families and reminded myself of my beliefs in things happening for a reason. I truly believe that these kids were put on earth for a reason just like my mum. And I believe their early departure also happened for a reason. What the reason is, I don't know, but hope to find out one day. Anyway, back to the remembrance walk, after walking for what seemed like the longest time (I'm not exactly a huge walking person!!), there was breakfast provided- muffins, danishes, coffee, orange juice, that kinda thing. So we sat on the grass and soaked in the sun! We also got to keep the lanterns and were given stakes which could hold the lanterns and then put them in the garden. Since Adrian's & my apartment has no garden, we gave our lantern to Karen so she could put it in her garden. We also got a certificate each for completing the walk :) So basically the walk was a lot of fun and it was a great morning. When we got home, I went back to bed :)

Adrian is now on his mid semester holidays for about 2 weeks I think. He went to the Royal Melbourne Show yesterday. The Show has just started and I've never been so I should really make it a point to go this year :) It's more of a family event with lots of rides, petting zoos, food, candies, games...that kinda thing. Adrian won the cutest Winnie The Pooh bear but refuses to give it to me! Haha. What does he want with it anyway? :)

The weather has been great here in Melbourne...it's been raining on and off, but warm weather is definitely on its way and spring is really here! How can I tell? I COULD NOT stop sneezing all day yesterday at work...a true blue sign of hay fever :( Too bad hay fever has to ruin my most perfect season of the year! But I'll deal with it :)

Before I go, I'd like to ask everyone who visits this webpage to PLEASE say some extra prayers for Noah Jay. His blasts count has now risen to 77 percent! This is such devastating and discouraging news, so please pray for Noah Jay's miracle. He has been fighting this disease for a long 9 months and his doctors are just running out of options for him.

Also, don't forget Katia, Michaela, baby Noah and many others. I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for lifting each and everyone of them in your prayers and for your lovely notes of support to them. I know you may think that leaving notes in their guestbooks might not make a difference, but let me tell you that you are wrong. What you write DOES make a difference and I can guarantee you that the kids love getting messages. So please keep up the good work!

Have a great rest of the week, everyone! Thanks for always checking in on what's been happening in Janice's Little World :)

Love, Janice
XOXOXO

Saturday, September 20, 2003

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~UPDATE: 21st Sept~
We lost Marissa yesterday afternoon after a brave battle with cancer. She passed away at home surrounded by family. Please visit her site and offer some words of comfort to her devastated parents. Marissa was a beautiful girl who hung on to her life as much as she could. She fought hard and we are all so proud of her. Rest in peace, Marissa, we love you.

I will update tomorrow on the Remembrance Lantern Walk and will also put up some photos. Please keep praying for Noah Jay, Katia, Michaela, and baby Noah who is now in PICU again.

Till tomorrow!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hey everyone!

Today is a beautiful day here in Melbourne...we are hoping to reach a top of 20 degrees (celcius) and the sun is out, there is a cool breeze and the birds are singing :) Finally a sign that spring is here! I think spring has got to be my favourite season...but last spring, I was hit pretty badly with hay fever, so I have no doubt I'll be hit once again this time around. Gotta get those tablets ready! We're having some really good weather this weekend and that suits us very well as we have the Remembrance Lantern Walk early tomorrow morning. It starts at 5.30am. I can't wait! I know there'll be LOTS of people turning up, walking in memory of loved ones. And tomorrow, not only will I be walking in memory of my beloved mum, but also in memory of so many dear kids we've lost here at Caringbridge. I'll be thinking of all the little angels we've lost- Brittany, Priya, Colby, Taylor J, Taylor H, McKenzie, Chassidy, Deanna, Ryan, Anthony, Jalen, Luke, Addison and many, many more. I'll be sure to take photos and come back with a full update on how the whole event went! It will be our first and also the first event we've ever taken place in in memory of mum, so it'll be quite an honour and also fun :) I know mum would appreciate it!

Yesterday, was my best friend's 22nd birthday and she had a nice celebration at the Spaghetti Tree. She had quite a few of our friends from high school at the dinner so it was great to see everyone and catch up. I actually got a letter in the mail a few weeks ago saying that next year will be our 5 year high school reunion! I can't believe it's been 5 years...I still remember my first day at MLC. And I remember high school as if it was yesterday. I made some really good friends there and ones that I know I'll be keeping for life :)

Adrian tried cutting is own hair the other night. He actually used the razors that Karen & Dean gave him last Christmas. Those razors were finally getting used! I've put a photo of his new do up, so check it out! Haha. There's also a photo of me and my best friend Edwina at her birthday dinner last night. When I snap more photos tomorrow at the remembrance walk, I'll put them up ASAP.

Well, I hope everyone's having a great weekend...I am now treasuring my weekends so much more than I ever used to. I look forward to being able to just relax! Next week should be an easier week at work with my schedule being somewhat more normal. I've got the 8.45am to 5pm shift.

Happy weekend, everyone :)

Love, Janice

PS: Don't forget to visit the kids' websites below! Thanks a bunch!

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Hi everyone,

I really don't have much to update on except that I did get my first "angry" customer call today...well, I really don't know what her problem was...she was just rattling away with all the "problems" that she had with our superannuation fund and wouldn't even give me a chance to breathe a word in. She also started to swear extensively- imagine hearing that from a woman's mouth. I couldn't believe it. And it wasn't like she was young or anything, she must've been over 40 or 50 years old. ANYWAY, it wasn't like I could do much for her since most of her problems were with the policy and legislation...it's not like I set the rules on superannuation!!! (Ever heard of not shooting the messenger??). Then she asked to speak to the "ombudsman"...and I'm like the WHO?!?! I seriously had not heard of that word before (too bad I didn't have a dictionary with me- HAHA). So I went to get my supervisor, she screamed at my supervisor, Vikki, as well. And Vikki had no idea who our ombudsman was (if we even have one in the first place). Eventually, the wicked witch of the west decided that she would send in a letter of complaint. HAH. We'll see what can be done with changing policy and legislation! Like NOTHING! She won't be getting very far :) I can't believe it, we were on the line to the wicked witch of the west for nearly 20 minutes..and an average call takes about 3 minutes, so you can imagine what an abusive pyscho caller she was! Pardon the language here, but like I've said before, I have a newfound respect for people like me who have to take calls like these. I don't know if I can make this a permanent job!

Anyway, besides my first angry caller to report, I also only just wanted to update everyone on a few kids who need some serious prayers...a couple of prayers (more if possible) for each of them would not hurt. They need it more than anything- baby Noah, Katia, Noah Jay, Michaela, Marissa, Kody and some of my older friends, Connie and Deirdre too. I have added all of their links below so please go by their website and offer them some words of love and support. Keep them in your prayers as they battle for their lives. Yesterday was baby Noah's 1st birthday and it was a HUGE milestone for him. God continues to shine his love through Noah Jay...his blast count was 19 percent yesterday but 0 today! WOOHOO! And Marissa is very ill and slowly growing her angel wings...a miracle is needed to save her.

Awhile ago, I thought of volunteering at the The Royal Melbourne Children's Hospital, but with university, I had no time on my hands. Even now with this new job, I hardly find any time to do anything..but one day, I do hope to become a volunteer there. It is definitely one of my short term goals to achieve and I think it'd be a great experience and journey. You know how some people are born anti-kids? Well I think I was born the complete opposite :)

Well I am trying to make it an early night tonight... working the later shift is really tough. I usually don't get home till 8pm or just after and by the time I make dinner and have dinner, it's already after 9pm. So it really doesn't give me much time to do anything else. I am so sorry if I haven't been by your guestbooks to sign in.. believe me I am trying and I will get there! :)

Have a great rest of the week!

Love, Janice

Monday, September 15, 2003

So today we "went live" at work and I took my first heap of customer calls...I was really nervous going into it... today was also the first day since I've started work that I did not look forward to going in or did not feel like turning up to work...it's amazing how nerves can totally take over your body. Of course I had to go into work...I just told myself that I had to rise up to the challenge. I've never done anything like this before...being involved with customer service is tough. I now have a whole new respect for operators on the telephones who deal with customers. It's a tough job and it really isn't a nice thing when poeple ring up to yell at you. Fortunately, I didn't have any angry customers...my colleague, Sara, did get a few angry and impatient customers though. Anyway, today's been a long day...I started at 10.45am and finished at 7pm...I felt like I was thrown into the deepend and found myself in the middle of something I was not familiar with, I had no experience in whatsoever..but I also knew that it was the quickest and smartest way for me to learn. Funny how I never found it exhausting talking to my friends on the phone or just people in general, but talking on the phones for this job takes it out of me completely! I wish I finished earlier though...although it's pretty nice working after 5pm when everyone's gone home and it's a little more quiet, it's also dark outside and today it was raining and I don't particularly like travelling on public transport in the rain. Oh well. It's only for a week and hopefully next week I'll be rostered on to a more decent schedule :) All is good though, I know that I will come out of this job knowing way more than I did going into it, and I will have more experience in the superannuation industry and I would've made a lot of friends :)

Everyone is pretty much well here in Melbourne...Adrian has a couple of tests at uni this week so he's been busy studying for them. Karen & Dean have been busy with work.

I am really looking forward to this weekend (I'm barely out of this weekend and already I'm talking about next weekend! Haha!)..it'll be my best friend, Edwina's, 22nd birthday on Friday night so we are having a big celebration. I have known Edwina for 7 years now, we met in high school, and we are sooooooo much alike...if it weren't for the different nationalities (Ed's aussie and I'm Malaysian), we would be twins. Siamese twins for that matter. In high school, we could never be seperated. When we were 17, she lost her step mother to cancer and when I lost my mum last year to cancer, Ed was a huge support to me and she was really one of the very few friends that I could talk to about my mum's journey and her death and what it meant to me. We could relate to each other's experiences and emotions. I remember when we were in Year 11, and my mum was first diagnosed with cancer, I called Ed on the phone crying and we talked for a long time. The next day at school, she brought me flowers and had a card for me too with the most comforting words...we then sat by our lockers alone (everyone was in class) and we talked for the longest time, sharing experiences and feelings. So anyway, Friday will be a special day when we celebrate her 22nd :)

Taylor Hancock lost her battle yesterday morning. Please keep her devastated mother in your prayers...I don't know when this will all stop, but I hope and pray that it does. Too many innocent lives have been lost. It's barely the middle of September and we've already lost 3 beautiful children. It's outrageous.

Thanks for checking in and I hope everyone has a great week ahead...

Love, Janice

Friday, September 12, 2003

Hi everyone!

I hope everyone's had a great week...I've had a very tiring week and I am just so glad Friday's here and it's the weekend! I never thought the day I'd say something like that would come :) Even when I was at university, I never said "I wish the weekend was here" because I already had Fridays off and I only had 12 hours of classes..hehe. The great thing about this job that I have right now is that once 5pm hits, all I have to do is just get on the train and go home and not have to worry about a thing. I don't have to study, I don't have any essays to write... nothing. I don't even have work from work to bring home! That's one good thing (besides the pay) about working life I suppose :) My current working life anyway! Today was actually a pretty scary day at work...the past week and a half we've just been learning everything possible about superannuation. And today we had the chance to apply everything we learnt. We were "buddied" up with the more experienced people...I had this guy, Zac, who was really cool. Anyway, when I say buddied up, I mean that when Zac had to take customer calls, I had to listen in and just observe what he did and how he answered customer queries. After 10 minutes, he made ME take the calls!!! I was pretty nervous...but I guess I handled it okay :) There were a couple of questions that I didn't particularly know how to answer but most of them were fine...it's scary though. On Monday we'll all be "going live" (taking real customer calls) by ourselves...so we'll see how it goes. Cross your fingers for me please! Let's hope I don't get any difficult customers who only yell over the phone. I'll be on a pretty strange roster next week...starting at 10.45am and finishing up at 7pm. As nervous as I am, I am pretty excited too...over a week ago, I knew NOTHING about superannuation, but today I feel like I know a fair bit, and the guy training us said that after all the training we've been through, we probably know about 90 percent more than the average person. That comforts me a little :)

Okay I'll stop talking about work now. It's the weekend for crying out loud.

Today was casual Friday at work! (oops, here I go talking about work again- oh well) I got to wear my comfortable clothes! Jeans & sneakers :) They were also shooting a commercial for superannuation in the office.. and Bernie Fraser, the face of superannuation, was around...I had no idea who he was until I saw him and I thought "so you're THAT guy in the ads!!!". After work, me and a few colleagues went to the pub around the corner for a couple of drinks...it's pretty much routine for us to have "work drinks" as they call it every Friday after work. After that I met up with my best friend and we went to watch Legally Blonde 2 which came out yesterday! Go Reese Witherspoon! Love that movie :)

Today (and everyday), please pray for Noah Jay as his blasts count has again risen, which means that his cancer continues to grow...the doctors are running out of options for him, so please keep Noah and his family in your prayers. Send lots of love their way and to all the families suffering from childhood cancer and to those who've lost their little ones to this monster. No life is worth cutting short...be thankful for the life you have, treasure it as much as you can...you only really ever have one chance.

Well I'm real tired and about to fall asleep...so I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Love always, Janice

PS: Barbara from Tampa, Florida...do you have an email address? Also, you mentioned that you wanted to see a photo of me...there are photos in the photo album link :) But I will be taking more photos in the near future and I'll put them up whenever I can!

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Hey everyone,

At 1.17pm yesterday afternoon, Addison (Batman) earned his angel wings. AJ was a very special 4 year old whom I checked on very regularly...he had many qualities which stood out...one of which was, being a 4 year old, he knew how to live life to its fullest. He has always been an inspiration and he fought a great battle. Unfortunately, liver cancer took his life from him, his liver and kidneys failed him in his last weeks of life and he is now an angel of God. Please keep his parents, Deb & Dave and his siblings, Ashley & Austin in your prayers. We love you, Batman...always have and always will.

As of today, I have officially worked for an entire week! Woohoo! And so far, NO complaints :) Can you believe that? Now whomever doubted my ability to adjust to working life was wrong. I have really been enjoying my new job...great colleagues and a great working environment really makes all the difference! I haven't worked in many places so I can't really compare this job to others but when I did work experience in Ernst & Young a couple of years ago, it was good experience but the people working there (excluding the other trainees I was working with- they were cool!) weren't as friendly or helpful. The people in my new job are REALLY helpful and they really go out of their way to help you out and explain things to you if you are a new person working there. Things have also been getting more exciting at work...last week it felt like we were in a classroom listening to a teacher. But this week, we actually had a lot of "hands-on" activity on the computer and also on the telephones...we haven't been taking real calls yet but we've been doing phone simulations and it's pretty fun :) Also, I haven't been finding it hard to wake up at 7.30am everyday for work.. the transition's been pretty smooth I must say! So all at work is good, I'm happy to report :)

I just wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who came by on my mom's annviersary and signed my guestbook...all of your messages were so comforting. I sat at the computer and just read the entries over and over again...everyone says that I have a very caring and loving heart (THANK YOU!) and you have to know that it definitely comes from both my parents. They raised me the best they could, so a lot of my values I have today are because of what they've taught me. A lot of people say I'm like my dad though! :) Mum's anniversary was pretty difficult...I was very busy with work but I still thought of her so much...I think of her everyday, but of course on Monday I thought of her more than usual. The last weeks of her life just kept playing in my mind...everyone says to remember the good times, and I do...but it's hard. When someone dies from a tragic accident or from an illness, the difficult times always stand out. A Caringbridge mother who lost her son said in her journal that she tries and remember her son before diagnosis, but she finds it so hard to remember him before then. And I could totally relate to that...when I think of mum before she was diagnosed, sometimes I find that I have to think harder and look harder for those times...her journey was long and difficult and those memories stick out even more than those before she was diagnosed. But the way I look at it is that at least I have those memories. Without mum, I wouldn't be here today. And I would rather have had her for 21 years than 2 years or 10 years or not at all. Anyway, on Monday, Karen & Dean came over for dinner...dad also called from KL and him and some of my aunties had been to mum's grave earlier in the morning. They said prayers and sang some songs. And dad said that mum's grave looked really good and the flowers around it were growing well. Mum would been happy with that :)

There is a Remembrance Lantern Walk next Sunday (21st Sept) around Albert Park Lake which is about 5 minutes from me, so Karen, Dean, Adrian and I have decided to attend the walk in memory of mum. I think it will be a great event...here is a summary of what it's all about:

The purpose of the Remembrance Lantern Walk is simple.

It presents the community with an opportunity to remember lives lost, not just those who perished in terrorist attacks in Bali and the US but people from closer circles - family members, loved ones, peers and leaders.The Walk will offer the opportunity for people to remember and reflect on those who have died wherever and whenever the death occurred.

In this way the Walk will be a civilian version of the ANZAC day dawn service. At 5.35 am (20 minutes before first light) on Sunday September 21 people will gather at Albert Park Lake for 15 minute service of remembrance. They will light hundreds of small lanterns in memory of lives lost. They will then set off to walk the peaceful pathway around the lake. The sun will rise on the Walk at 6.30 am.

Participants will choose to remember and reflect on the loss of friends or a member of their family. They may choose to remember the losses that occurred as a result of the September 11 or the Bali Bombing tragedies. The lanterns that are lit on this morning will symbolise the on-going memory of lives that are lost.

I'm really looking forward to it and I think that we'll all have fun and it'll be a special way to remember mum.

Before I go, I want to ask everyone to please pray for my Aunty Maureen. She has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and she will be needing all the prayers she can get. Aunty Maureen is one of my mum's younger sisters and Aunty Maureen's only child, Tracy, is my mum's god daughter. Tracy is also one of my closest cousins and she is of course devastated and just learning to cope with everything. So please keep them in your prayers. Cancer is definitely in my mum's family's genes. Both my grandparents passed away from cancer, my Aunty Janet is a Breast cancer survivor (thank you God!), my mum had Ovarian cancer and now my Aunty Maureen. I just pray that it stops and that we find a cure...in all of our lifetimes!

Well, I have to go make dinner and prepare myself for The Amazing Race (I LOVE reality TV!)...thanks to everyone for always checking on me and for all of your thoughts, prayers and messages. You are all wonderful and I never want to take anyone for granted...I hope everyone knows how appreciated they are, even the people I don't know who live all the way across the world from me :)

Don't forget to pray for all the kids and visit their sites too! Katia, Taylor, baby Jordan, baby Noah, Marissa and Kody just to name a few. All of their links are below. And to my Caringbridge families, I soooooooooooo apologise if I seem practically non-existent in your guestbooks lately...I am going to put in a petition to work for them to make internet access available to ALL of us!!! Haha, just kidding. But I really do try and keep up with all of my kids...like I always say, 24 hours in a day is just NOT enough! Please know that I'm always keeping all the little ones in my thoughts and prayers :)

Love, Janice

Sunday, September 7, 2003

Hi everyone,

Well, today is father's day here in Australia! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, dad! And to all the father's out there :) I don't know why Australia has to be the odd one out and celebrate father's day in September and not June like everyone else :)

Work has been going pretty well...I've worked 3 days so far and I must admit that I've learnt quite a fair bit in those 3 days. We are now starting to work a little harder... on Friday we only had a 45 min lunch break instead of the usual 1 hour. And we also finished at 5pm rather than 4.30pm. You know how on Fridays people tend to count the hours down till work is finished coz it's the weekend? Well I'm now one of them! Karen used to always say "thank God it's Friday"..and now I know what she means :) On Friday morning, I was early to work as usual.. I usually get there at about 8.30am (work starts at 9am) so I went downstairs to the cafe to get a coffee..and the guy making the coffee goes "Good morning, how are you?", and I replied "I'm good, how are you!". And he told me that there is such a big difference between Mondays and Fridays...when people come in on a Monday morning for a coffee, they say "Hello" in a very non-excited way. But when they come in on a Friday morning, the "hello" is upbeat and excited! Of course it is, Friday means the weekend is here :) So it was pretty funny to hear his story.

Tomorrow will be one year since we lost my mum. Dad emailed me the anniversary notice that will be placed in the paper tomorrow, and I read it and just started crying. I find that even the littlest things can trigger an entire water works session...especially this time of the year. Tomorrow night, Karen & Dean will be over for dinner and we'll just hang out. Dad (who is in KL), Aunty Ellie and Aunty Peggy (mum's sisters) will be visiting mum's grave. It is about an hours drive from KL and it's a very beautiful and peaceful place. It is a HUGE cemetery (and I mean HUGE!)...and it is out in the open (sort of like by the countryside). It's a very serene place and very quiet.. I know mum would've loved the place we chose to let her rest in peace. On either side of her grave are people buried with the same surname as mum and dad. It was so coincidental and I couldn't believe it the first time I saw it.

I remember this time last year like it was yesterday. With mum being so ill, it was very hard to be away from her. Karen, Dean, Adrian & I were all in Melbourne, whereas mum and dad were back in Malaysia. Towards the end of August, we got the news that mum's condition was seriously deteriorating fast and it was then that Karen, Adrian & I decided to fly back to KL to be with mum (Dean stayed back because of work). I dropped all I had with university to fly back, and at that time the last thing on my mind were classes... it was a billion times more important to be with mum. Of course when mum knew that Adrian and I were flying back to KL right in the middle of a semester, she got all worried about us having to miss classes. But she also knew that she was way more important and that what we really wanted was to be by her side.

As soon as we arrived, we rushed home...it was pretty late in the night but mum was awake...she was so excited to know that we were coming home that she just had to wait up...one look at her and I started crying...she had lost even more weight since I had seen her last (which was a month before that)...and she just didn't look good. Nevertheless I put on a happy face for her as I didn't want her to worry. Dad said that as soon as we walked in the house, mum's spirits lifted instantly and she looked her happiest in a long time. The day we flew back to see mum, it was 2 weeks before she passed away. And in that 2 weeks, we could see her gradually getting weaker and weaker...we knew that her time was soon. Dad and Karen spent a few days looking at different cemeteries in which mum would like to be buried. And funeral arrangements were made. It was then, that it really hit me that I was losing my mum...and unless a special miracle happened...it could not be avoided. This horrible disease was just eating away at her...so many things that my mum loved to do, she couldn't do anymore...so many things that my mum loved to eat, she couldn't eat anymore...in that last 2 weeks...she grew so weak that she had no energy to speak...my days were spent looking after mum...that was all I could do and that was all I wanted to do...because mum was too weak and she couldn't walk more than a few steps at a time, she slept in the bedroom downstairs...I slept with her and not dad because dad snores and he would keep mum awake. Adrian and Karen slept in their own rooms upstairs...but I was more than happy to sleep with mum downstairs. My days started when mum woke up...I would help her brush her teeth and then make her breakfast...most of what she ate was in liquid form as she couldn't handle solids. Then we would go to the loungeroom and just sit there and talk. Well I did most of the talking since mum couldn't talk much. She also spent a lot of her time asleep during the day...she was just so tired all the time. The times when she would be awake, I'd cheer her up with some of her favourite hymns on the piano (mum loved to listen to me play the piano), other times, I'd read passages from the bible to her. I'm not one to be very open with my feelings...and in the past I never told my parents often that I loved them...they just knew that I did...it was sort of an unspoken love. But in the last 2 weeks of my mum's life, I told her everyday that I loved her. And I'm glad I did. The last 2 days of her life went so quickly...compared to the last 2 weeks...everything happened so suddenly...before we knew it, my mum was too weak to even stand up...the day before she passed away, she could barely stand up to brush her teeth (she was fine with it the past 2 weeks), and I had to help her so much. She brushed her teeth and layed in bed. I made sure she was comfortable and then I went upstairs away from mum to cry. The next day, early in the morning at about 3am, mum could hardly breathe...she had the oxygen mask on and still found it hard to breathe...phlegm was gurgling in her throat but she was too weak to cough it up...it was the most disturbing sound to me...to hear the phlegm gurgling and not being able to do anything was just so painful. I don't think I have ever felt as helpless as I did at that moment. We decided to take her to the ER...as dad quickly packed her things, I sat with mum on the bed, she couldn't hold herself up so she was leaning on me...and I was so scared...I held her and told her that it would be okay.. that we would take her to the hospital and that she'd feel better...that day felt forever...we got to the hospital, litres of phlegm were drained out of mum's throat and lungs... after a couple of hours, she was moved to her own room...as the hours went by, she slowly slipped into a coma...I know she could still hear us...she just wasn't conscious. The doctors said that it was only a matter of hours...my world fell apart instantly...we gathered around her and said our goodbyes...we sat there for hours, holding her hand, talking to her...and then, suddenly her heart rate dropped...and she was gone. By that time, her brothers and sisters and some of my cousins were there at the hospital...we were all crying...I didn't think I could cry anymore but I did...and I just felt numb all over...it was like I was in a bad dream and that it wasn't real... that day and the days leading up to mum's funeral was just a complete blur...everything happened so quickly...and it just didn't sink in that I was never gonna see my mum again...until I die and go to Heaven that is.

I remember looking out the hospital window after mum died and saw people on the streets walking along going about their own lives. I wondered how the world could go on the way it was before mum died...how people could continue going about their normal lives? I felt like everything should've stopped there and then, the moment mum died.

About a week before mum died...we were all sitting at the breakfast table having breakfast...at this stage, she had no energy to speak so she hardly ever talked and being as ill as she was, her spirits were often down and I knew she was sad. I don't even think she had the energy or urge to smile. Anyway, that morning, we were just talking to her and I can't exactly remember what I said, but I said SOMETHING, and mum instantly broke into a smile and told me that I was "cheeky". I cannot begin to tell you how my heart felt when I saw her smile..it was the first smile we had seen in days...possibly even a week. The 30 second smile brightened my day instantly and from that moment, I tried everything I could to put a smile on mum's face. I wanted to make her feel better, to lift her spirits...but it was just so hard. I don't blame her though...how could she have not felt sad and down when this horrible monster they call "Cancer" was slowly taking her life away?

The night before mum passed away, when we all finished our dinner, she said that she wanted some ice cream. We were so excited at the thought! For weeks she could not have anything solid...she usually had pumpkin soup, half-boiled eggs, sustagen...sometimes even milo...and she had the same things day in and day out...she just didn't feel like having anything else...not that she could have much at all. She only ever had little sips at a time. So for her to demand ice cream just made us so happy. And not just any ice cream, she wanted vanilla ice cream. So we made a mental note to get mum VANILLA ice cream the next day!

The next day of course everything went downhill, she was admitted to hospital and she passed away at 3.15pm. We didn't even get the chance to get her any ice cream. After what seemed like the longest day, at night Karen and I suddenly remembered- "hey, mum didn't get to have her ice cream". The next day, as visitors poured into our home, Karen and I sneaked out of the house to buy some vanilla ice cream and ice cream cones. Now, everytime I have vanilla ice cream, I think of mum.

The day before mum's funeral, we had a prayer service. Mum loved Psalm 23 from the Bible and I had the honour of reading the Psalm infront of everyone who attended the prayer service.

~Psalm 23~
The Lord is my Shepherd: I shall not want
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the
Paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
Shadow of death. I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me: thy rod and
Thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the
Presence of mine enemies:
Thou anointest my head with oil:
My cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow
Me all the days of my life: and I will
Dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

It was her favourite and there is an inscription of this Psalm on mum's grave.

When people reflect on mum as a person, they remember her as a VERY gentle and soft-spoken lady. She was a very loving, caring, honest, kind and generous wife, mother, daughter, sister and aunty. I don't think there is one bad thing anyone could say about her. She just wasn't that type of person. As a wife she always stood by my dad. As a mother, her children ALWAYS came first, she ALWAYS wanted the best for us and indeed gave us only the best, even if that meant sacrificing her own needs and wants. As a sister she was always caring and ready to lend an ear. As a friend, she was very sociable. And as an aunty, she was generous in everything that she had to give. As a human being, she had the biggest of hearts...the last 4-5 years of her life, she was part of a close-knit group of friends, of which they called themselves the Sunshine Ladies...and what a bunch of ladies they were. Always laughing and always managed to have a good time. Mum along with these other ladies volunteered at a home for the disabled called Cheshire Home. Every week, mum busied herself with every single type of arts and craft under the sun, and then sold them at bazaars and such to raise money for this disabled home. Every fortnight, she (along with the other ladies) would volunteer at the home- teaching the disabled arts and crafts, teaching them dance and songs and just basically entertained these needy people and brightened their days. They would bring them food, they would put on little shows for their entertainment. Mum was so extremely committed to her volunteer work and I have always admired her dedication. She devoted so much of her time to the disabled people in that home and never once did I hear a single world of complaint from her.

Tomorrow, although it will be a long day at work, I know that most of my thoughts will be of mum. There is just so much more that I could write of her but I will keep that for later. Our family misses her everyday of our lives and somedays I wake up and still cannot believe she's gone. Gone to a far away place, where there are no chemos, no hospitals, no blood tests, no feeling nauseous, no pain and no hair loss. A far away place where there is an abundance of everything that mum loved to eat, do, and see. As far away as she is, I still hold on to the thought of seeing her again and when our family will be complete once again. We will always remember her with a deep aching in our hearts in which there is a hole that will and could never be filled.

Dear God, I know and believe that my mum is safe with you. I ask that you please fulfill all of her wants in Heaven (I don't think there are needs in Heaven), give her a beautiful garden with all her favourite plants and flowers so she can do the gardening that she loved all day long. Give her a big, spacious kitchen where she can do all her delicious cooking and baking that she loved. Let there be big well-stocked supermarkets in Heaven, so she could walk down the aisles all day and have anything and everything she wanted. Please let her have all of her favourite foods, there are so many, but a definite must is "hokkien mee" which she so loved but couldn't eat as often as she wanted to because of her illness. Dear God, please tell her that her family misses her and loves her, that she will never be forgotten and please tell her to wait for us wherever she is. Dear God, please guide the hands of our researcers, doctors and scientists today and let a cure to cancer be found.

Roses For My Mother

If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for awhile.
Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.

Love, Janice

The Next Room

Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped
away into the next room. I am I, and you are you.
What ever we were to each other, that
we still are. Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way which you
always used. Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes
we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me,
pray for me. Let my name be the household word
that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means
all that it ever meant, It is the same as it ever was;
there is unbroken continuity, Why should I be
out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere
very near, just round the corner. All is well.
For I have gone to a city where the roses
never fade.

~Canon Henry Scott Holland~

Only One Mother

Hundreds of stars in the pretty sky.
Hundreds of shells on the shore together.
Hundreds of birds that go singing by.
Hundreds of lambs in the sunny weather.
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees to greet the clover.
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn.
But only one mother the whole world over.

~George Cooper~

Chinese Proverb
Life is a dream walking, death is going home.

Wednesday, September 3, 2003

Hi everyone,

I only just got home from my first day of my new job! And what a day it was...I have a splitting headache. Well, the day wasn't TOO bad...we just had A LOT of information to take in! The 9 of us and a supervisor met up at 8.30am and had some morning coffee (much needed of course) and she basically briefed us again on what was expected of us and what the job entailed. We then took a short walk to the actual office where we were gonna be working...it is right in the middle of the city. And I'm so glad it's in the city coz then I could always have lunch with Karen, Dean or my friends. So it's VERY convenient. Anyway, we were then welcomed by a couple of people from AAS (where I'm working) and a guy called Nick who was with the HR department basically "trained" us the entire day. We just went through what the superannuation industry was all about, etc etc etc (I won't BORE you with the details!!) and then we went through the systems we were gonna be working with...there was just so much information, by the end of the day our heads were screaming "INFORMATION OVERLOAD" and trust me, I wasn't the only one who came out with a headache :) The office environment is pretty cool though, everyone working there seems nice and friendly...and every Friday is casual work day, which means we can basically where anything we wanted to to work. We could even wear our pajamas if we dared to :) I will have my own desk and computer (no internet though! so there'll be no guestbook signing during working hours! damn!). There are also lots of vending machines around incase we need a emergency chocolate fix...and also a tea/coffee room, incase we need the emergency caffeine fix (which I DO!). There's also a "break-free" room which we can watch TV in...read books or magazines...and basically just relax in whenever we get too stressed. So the office is really very employee-friendly!

So enough about work! I have to go get started on dinner before Adrian gets home. Tomorrow will be 18 degrees (celcius) in Melbourne and SUNNY! I can't wait...it will be safe to wear a skirt :)

I hope everyone is having a great week...as always, please remember all the kids in your prayers...the kids that I list on this website are only a sixth of the number of kids I visit...but I will try my hardest to list all the kids that I know. But the ones on my page need your prayers the most, and today, AJ and Katia need yours desperately...they are well and truly fighting for their little lives.

Also, Carrie came across my website and told me about her mum having Ovarian Cancer (exactly what my mum had). Please visit her mum's site- Connie. All cancers are horrible and ugly, but Ovarian Cancer is really devastating as most women diagnosed are always diagnosed at later stages. I can totally understand what Carrie is going through as a daughter of someone with Ovarian Cancer and I just know that Caringbridge will be of so much help and support to her. We're here for you, Carrie!

Okay now I really have to get started on dinner...I am cooking a Thai green chicken curry tonight!!! Yum! It will be spicy- just the way I like it :)

Love, Janice

~*~*~*~*~*~*UPDATE Sept 2nd~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Early this morning, one of my dearest, most special Caringbridge child lost her battle to bone cancer. God granted sweet Brittany her much needed angel wings at 1.15am. She was at home surrounded by her loving family where she wanted to be (no more hospitals, Brittany!) and flew straight into Heaven, welcomed by her many angel friends, probably my mum, and by God. Brittany fought a long and hard battle, and it was a great fight. She fought her hardest and she fought her battle graciously and bravely. I am so saddened that God had to take her to heal her and leave her family so heartbroken and devastated. Please keep the Zipter family in your prayers as they learn to go through life without their precious daughter and sister. We love you Brittany.

*~*~Dedicated to Brittany Alexandra Zipter, the bravest girl there was, who inspired me day by day in all that she did and all that she was~*~*

~Fly Away~

Fly away my angel,
Spread your wings and fly;
Take the beauty of your soul,
And share it with the sky.

Take the warmth within your heart,
And put the sun to shame;
The glow of summer's sunlight.
Will never be the same.

Take the strength within your soul,
From your heart, the tenderness there;
Behold the majesty of the sky,
Its beauty does not compare.

Take the splendor of the stars,
That twinkles in the sky;
It fades in the matchless sparkle,
Of the beauty there in your eyes.

Fly away my Angel,
For I have set you free;
I will wait here patiently,
Until you fly back to me.

Allison Chambers Coxsey

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tuesday, September 2, 2003

~UPDATE~
Early this morning, one of my dearest, most special Caringbridge child lost her battle to bone cancer. God granted sweet Brittany her much needed angel wings at 1.15am. She was at home surrounded by her loving family where she wanted to be (no more hospitals, Brittany!) and flew straight into Heaven, welcomed by her many angel friends, probably my mum, and by God. Brittany fought a long and hard battle, and it was a great fight. She fought her hardest and she fought her battle graciously and bravely. I am so saddened that God had to take her to heal her and leave her family so heartbroken and devastated. Please keep the Zipter family in your prayers as they learn to go through life without their precious daughter and sister. We love you Brittany.

*~*~Dedicated to Brittany Alexandra Zipter, the bravest girl there was, who inspired me day by day in all that she did and all that she was~*~*

~Fly Away~

Fly away my angel,
Spread your wings and fly;
Take the beauty of your soul,
And share it with the sky.

Take the warmth within your heart,
And put the sun to shame;
The glow of summer's sunlight.
Will never be the same.

Take the strength within your soul,
From your heart, the tenderness there;
Behold the majesty of the sky,
Its beauty does not compare.

Take the splendor of the stars,
That twinkles in the sky;
It fades in the matchless sparkle,
Of the beauty there in your eyes.

Fly away my Angel,
For I have set you free;
I will wait here patiently,
Until you fly back to me.

Allison Chambers Coxsey

Hi everyone,

I don't really have much to report except that it's been COLD and WET here in Melbourne, I'm slowly getting over my own cold (that started from a sore throat, as it always does!) and I'll be starting work tomorrow :) A lady called today and confirmed that I'll be turning up tomorrow... there are 9 of us starting tomorrow, so we're meeting up at 8.30am for coffee and a little get-to-know each other session...sounds friendly enough! I don't think it'll be too bad :) It's like going to school for the first time and having to make friends! Haha. Also the first week of training will be 9am to 5pm so that's really not so bad.

Sunday was Melbourne's coldest day so far! It was 10 degrees (celcius) maximum...does anyone see spring/summer coming our way??? NOT ME!

Monday the 8th of September will be 1 year since my mum passed away...I can't believe it's been a whole year. A lot happens in a year. Sometimes it feels like it's been forever, but other times, it only seems like yesterday that she was here with us...visiting us in Melbourne, making her daily trips to the supermarket saying she was only going for some bread and milk but came back with a whole heap of other stuff- chocolates, chips, anything. Awhile ago, Karen and I decided to do something together during the day on mum's anniversary, but that was before I found out I had the job. Adrian has classes so he won't be able to do anything. Anyway, Karen & Dean have decided to take Monday off work, but I don't think I'll be able to- can't exactly start work and then go "can I take a day off work Monday?". I have never experienced a death anniversary of my mum...but I only imagine that the words "difficult" and "hard" will be understatements. The past week and this week itself has brought back memories of the last 2 weeks of her life...and as it does time and again, raises so many questions that I have for our God high above. As the 1 year anniversary of my mum being an official resident in Heaven approaches, not only will I cry for all that she went through and for her passing, but I will also smile and celebrate the mother that I had, the life that she had and the person she'll always be to me. I miss her more than words can describe, more than feelings can show, more than ANYTHING.

Please remember Brittany, Katia, AJ, Marissa, Noah Jay and all the other kids in your prayers.

Love, Janice

Saturday, August 30, 2003

~UPDATE: 1 September~
Please keep Brittany in your prayers as she starts growing her angel wings...her condition has deteriorated significantly and she's having trouble breathing...pray for peace and comfort to be with her and her family as she prepares for her journey up to Heaven. Dear God, not another one...we love you Brittany.

Hey everyone!

Hope you've all had a great week :)

Latest news is that I'll be starting work this Wednesday (3rd Sept)!!! WOOHOO! So, I'll be working with customer service in the Australian Advisory Services (AAS) which is a superannuation company...I'm pretty excited but a little nervous. It should be good though...it is a temporary job that goes on for 8 weeks...1st week is basically training and the first 4 weeks will be the 'learning' period and after that, hopefully I should be okay. It pays $18 an hour so that's the good bit! Hopefully I won't be taxed too much...Australian tax rates are unbelievably high. I'll be working full time for 8 weeks, which means Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm but am supposed to keep myself available from 8am to 6pm. Apparently it's the busiest time of the year. Working world (real world) here I come!

Aside from that not much else is happening...dad left for KL last Sunday night and he arrived safely. Last night, Karen, Dean, Adrian and I had dinner with our aunties and uncle who've been visiting from KL. Aunty Peggy and Grace left for KL straight after dinner last night. We also had a suprise birthday cake for cousin Deborah who'll be turning 19 next week! (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEB!)

Today, Uncle Allen, Auntie Kim Mooi & Deborah came over with cakes and ice cream...MmmMmm! I missed out on the ice cream though coz I'm right in the middle of a cold and I was told that I could not have ice cream! But there's a whole tub waiting for me in the freezer! (I just had a whole vision of calories come before me- maybe not the whole tub...SOME of the whole tub).

Finding Nemo has FINALLY arrived on Australian shores!! Seeing that nearly every single one of my caringbridge kids have seen it and seeing that it has been Finding Nemo crazy here in Melbourne (even before the movie got here!), I just had to go find out what was so great about it.. Karen, Allison (Dean's sister) and I had a girl's night out tonight and we went to see, yep you guessed it, FINDING NEMO! It was soooooooooooo good...and so, so cute. I love Ellen Degeneres' character Dory...she is so funny! I also managed to get a Finding Nemo temporary glow in the dark tattoo..now all I need is a clown fish from the pet shop and I'll name him Nemo! :)

~*~*Just keep swimmin', swimmin', swimmin', swimmin', what do we do, we swim, swim, swim!*~*~

Now on to important business- my cuties from Caringbridge who need prayers...and I mean serious, down on your knees, prayers! Katia needs lots of prayers...the only way to save her life is through a bone marrow transplant and because Katia is hispanic, there aren't any donors out there, so PLEASE, PLEASE consider being a donor today! You may be able to help this beautiful little 3 year old who so desperately needs a match...if you can't help her, you may be able to help another sick child fighting for his/her life...and what better gift to give someone than the gift of life. So please consider!

~*~*~*~Surprise Katia!!!!~*~*~*~*

Hey Miss Ladybug (Katia LOVES ladybugs everyone!)...my special background today is especially for you...I hope you enjoy all the ladybugs, cutie :) :) :)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Noah Jay is now home and he is on chemo. His blasts percentage is down but this little guy still needs lots of prayers. His family has incredible faith in God...and God has truly shown His love and grace through Noah Jay.

AJ is still having LOTS of pain...he is just hanging in there as hard as he can. He truly fights for his life and at the same time lives life to its fullest. Please pray for a miracle!

And please don't forget the others too...Brittany, Marissa, Taylor...all of their links are below and to these kids, hospitals, medicines, needles, and pumps are their life.. not school, birthday parties, swimming pools, playgrounds like they should be... Katia's mum, Tracy, wrote in her journal last week that she hopes a cure to cancer will be found in her daughter's lifetime...I hope so too, Tracy. For the sake of all our loved ones out there. but whether it's in our lifetime (prefably!) or our great great grandchildren's lifetime, I just hope that the cure DOES come. It has to.

Monday will be the first day of spring for us here in the southern hemisphere..I can't wait...but Melbourne DOES NOT look like it will be welcoming spring anytime soon...it has been cold and windy...and cold...and windy...and REALLY windy.

Before I go, I just wanted everyone to know that I have changed my email address! You can now write to me at:

janiceliew1981@yahoo.com

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Thanks for checking in and thanks to all who've signed my guestbook, I always look forward to hearing from everyone (even from those I don't know). Please keep visiting!

Love, Janice

Courage

You Are More Important Than Your Problems
Courage comes from the reserves of your mind that are much more powerful than your outside circumstances. When you are bigger than your problems, you gain the courage necessary to win. Courage is the power to face your difficulties.

The process of growing and learning always involves risks. Your obstacles will always look large or small to you according to whether you are large or small.

Have the courage to confront what can be imagined. It will give you the ability to rise above reality. Overcoming obstacles is the price of achievement, the price of success.

See things as you would have them be instead of as they are.

~Author Unknown~

Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Hi everyone!

Melbourne had a VERY beautiful day today...I'm not sure exactly what the temperature was, but I am sure it was warmer than it has been in awhile! The sun was out and the skies were blue..there was a slight chilly breeze, but that didn't keep it from being a beautiful day at all :) I only hope there's more to come, but the weekend weather does not look promising at all...

I spent most of today with Grace...she came by this morning to "have a look" at my apartment since she's never been here before...we sat around talking and gossiping, as girls would :) Hehe. She had a 1pm lunch date in the city with an old school friend and somehow managed to drag me along! It turned out her friend couldn't make it at the last minute so it was just as well that I was with her, otherwise she would've had to have lunch alone! After lunch, Grace helped me with some grocery shopping...it must've been pretty boring for her but hey, she wanted to come grocery shopping with me! I should've warned her though...actually I should warn everyone before they actually agree to grocery shop with me :) I can take awhile and just stroll down the aisles back and forth.. can be kinda annoying if you're an impatient person! Haha. After we did the grocery shopping, I dropped Grace off at the train station. Thanks Grace for shopping with me, sorry if it was too boring!!!

The past couple of days I have put in several (and I mean SEVERAL) applications for temporary jobs...and I have actually lost track of how many I've applied for! It's that many. I'm hoping to hear from a few of them soon. And hopefully I'll be able to start something next week... please keep your fingers crossed!

I am totally hooked on the Amazing Race at the moment and also The Bachelor (please DO NOT reveal any winners to me!!!!). I am such a sucker for reality TV it's not funny...I watch everything from Big Brother to Survivor to Australian Idol to The Block. It is amazing how much reality TV there is right now...a few years ago, none of it existed!!!

I have also been doing a lot of reading lately...I think I've read 3 or 4 books in the past 3 weeks...I've always loved reading but high school and university just took up a lot of my time that I never read on a regularly basis. One of the last books that I read was the Diary of Anne Frank which was amazing. I'm not sure if many of you have read the diary but if you haven't, try and pick it up and have a read! It's a great book. Reading through the diary from the eyes of a 13 year old (Anne Frank), I found that I could relate to her so well...so much (not all though) of her personality matched mine...I imagined myself in her situation and most things that she did I would've done, and most thoughts that she thought, I would've thought. There is a little excerpt from her diary that I think is beautiful and so true, so I'd like to share it with everyone...

I think of going into hiding, my health and my whole being as Peter's love, the future, happiness....

At such moments I don't think about all the misery, but about the beauty that still remains. This is where Mother and I differ greatly. Her advice in the face of melancholy is: "Think about all the suffering in the world and be thankful you're not part of it." My advice is: "Go outside, to the country, enjoy the sun and all nature has to offer. Go outside and try to recapture the happiness within yourself; think of all the beauty in yourself and in everything around you and be happy."

I don't think Mother's advice can be right, because what are you supposed to do if you become part of the suffering? You'd be completely lost. On the contrary, beauty remains, even in misfortune. If you just look for it, you discover more and more happiness and regain your balance. A person who's happy will make others happy; a person who has courage and faith will never die in misery!

All this from a 13 year old...Anne Frank had a brilliant mind and she had a brilliant outlook in life.

Well, please keep Addison (AJ) and Noah Jay in your prayers...at this stage, only the love of God and a miracle will be able to save their little lives. AJ has been experiencing an incredible amount of pain lately... and Noah Jay's cancer is growing so rapidly that his new round of chemo is only giving him a 10 percent chance of remission. Also please don't forget Angel Priya's family in your prayers as they grieve the loss of their little princess who fought a truly great battle.

Tonight I ask all of you to please go down on your knees and say some extra prayers for little Katia...latest news is that she has relapsed and I cannot imagine what her family must be feeling right now. Her mum Tracy is a really great Caringbridge friend and she is the kindest most loving human being you will ever meet...I know many of you would know her and see her around the guestbooks. She has a heart of gold and knowing that Katia has relapsed would've torn her heart to pieces. Please go by their site and offer them some words of love and support. Tracy and Myron, I'm praying for your baby!

As always, I want to thank all of you who pray for these children daily, who leave messages in their guestbooks to lift their spirits...it is a wonderful, selfless thing to do and it makes a real difference to the kids. A million and one thank you's!

Till next time...here is a calm quote for everyone:

~Anything for a laugh~
Remain on the lookout for things that
make you laugh- and, if you see nothing
worth laughing at, pretend you see it.
Then laugh.

Love, Janice

Monday, August 25, 2003
I hate this disease. We lost Priya early this morning...I can't believe it. I hate this disease. None of the kids deserve it and Priya DID NOT deserve it. And she certainly did not deserve to die. I guess God had other plans for her and her little body was just too tired. How could she not have been too tired to fight after all she's been through? I've only known Priya for a little while but her courageous battle drew me instantly to her and her journey and I quickly found myself getting more attached to her than I expected.. it happens with so many of the kids on here...I meet so many different kids, a new one nearly everyday, and there are the really special ones who just draw me in and get me attached...some would say it's easier not to check on these kids so I don't get emotionally attached, so I don't get "hurt" when they get from bad to worse...but that's not me...I feel like I have to be there...not in an obligatory way...but I WANT to be there for them, with them. As much as it hurts when some of the kids pass away, I see so much of the good in having experienced their journey with them. I CHOOSE to be involved with the kids and their journeys, I want to be there for them, with them, when the world seems dark, and I also wanna be there with them when everything seems right in their world, when they are finally cancer-free. Please go by Priya's site and leave her mum and family some words of love and support...I can't imagine the devastation they must be feeling right now.

~*~*Sweet Priya, I know you were tired and you had to go...you are free now, we love you, sweetie.*~*~

Please pray for the kids...they need you.

Love, Janice

Sunday, August 24, 2003
~*New photos added*~

Hi everyone!

I didn't fall over, I didn't trip, I didn't forget to bow (we had to bow to the Chancellor and Dean when we received our scroll), so I guess you could say all went well at graduation :) All went well except for the weather of course...graduation day just HAD to be one of the coldest and wettest August day we've had...I kept praying for good weather but there wasn't a ray of sunshine..the day started out wet and ended wet..it was raining on and off- NOT GOOD since I straightened my hair and of course us ladies know that when you have your hair straightened, it CANNOT get wet otherwise it'll ruin everything. Anyway, minus the bad weather, everything went well and I had a great time. Dad, Adrian, Aunty Peggy & I got to the university at about 2.15pm... where I had to go collect my gown (no hat unfortunately!) and seeing that the ceremony was meant to start at 3.30pm I thought I had all the time in the world to get my gown, but apparently not...needless to say I waited in line for just over an hour, just to get my gown on...finally after lots of waiting and nerves setting in, I rushed to the hall where the ceremony was held (I wasn't the only one late, thank god), found my seat..and the ceremony started. It didn't take long for them to start conferring the degrees..I must've gotten mine within 45 minutes of the ceremony commencing..but the entire ceremony dragged on for nearly 2 hours...I managed to pay full attention most of the time, even during the LONG speeches, mainly because it was MY graduation and it's a once in a lifetime sorta thing. After the ceremony ended, Karen & Dean were waiting for us outside...we took lots of photos..and then headed for the professional photographers where there was even more lining up to do.. finally got them done, took more photos with some friends, and before we knew it it was 7pm and had to rush off to a dinner celebration with more family! I hadn't eaten all day (only had a cup of coffee in the morning) so I was starving and needed a drink so badly...when we got to the restaurant, I must've gone crazy with the chinese tea and the food :) It was such a long day, but so very worthwhile!

I just wanna thank Aunty Peggy and cousin Grace for travelling all the way to Melbourne for my graduation...it really meant a lot to me that they wanted to be here. Not having my mum with me on such a huge day was really difficult but having my family and other relatives here to celebrate with me made it a little easier. Thank you to everyone who's left graduation messages for me in my guestbook and thank you to those who sent me cards! You are all so wonderful and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring as much as you do. I also wanna thank Aunty Kim Mooi & Uncle Allen for their beautiful gift- a pen with my name engraved in it! So cool! And also Uncle Trevor & Aunty Janet for the cute little email you sent me with the cute snail (I finally got it, U. Trevor!). Also thanks Aunty Ellie (from KL) for ringing and leaving me a really nice message on my answering machine. And most of all, to my family- Karen & Dean for being a great sister and brother-in-law always, Adrian for putting up with my "nagging" (as if!) and of course to dad who's supported me in all that I've done. A BIG THANK YOU to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I have added new photos to the photo album so feel free to check them out...too bad Caringbridge only allows space for 3 photos..I have lots more :) Also, if anyone's been trying to send me emails but it keeps bouncing back, I'm really sorry, but I keep getting these HUGE emails with huge attachments, all of which I'm sure are viruses, and they take up soooooooo much of my inbox..it's REALLY annoying..and I hope it stops...SOON. Also, I apologise if I haven't been around signing in your guestbook lately...I've spent very little time (not by choice) at the computer the last few days, so I'm a little behind with my guestbook entries...but I will get around soon! I promise :)

As always, PLEASE remember the Caringbridge kids in your prayers...Brittany, Priya, AJ & Noah Jay (all links are below) are in need of some serious prayers...they are the ones whose conditions are critical at the moment. It really saddens me that so many kids aren't doing too well right now...I only wish I could do something to make it all go away for them and their families...knowing all that these kids go through, it is nearly impossible not to be able to draw inspiration from them...I have so much to thank them for.. they show me what it means to be where I am today, that I should appreciate everything that I have right now, that I should not worry about tomorrow today and most of all that no matter how difficult things get, we should continue to fight and not give up. I have so much admiration for these little ones! So please remember not only the kids with cancer, but also adults with cancer, in your prayers...it's a nasty disease and it sucks. I don't know how else to describe it.

I hope everyone's had a great weekend...sorry if I seem to be rushing through this update but it's late and I'm so ready for bed. Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Here are some of my favourite quotes, most appropriate for having graduated. Enjoy!

"Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be — because you only have one life and one chance to do all the things that you want to do."
~Brita Fiksdal~

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the tradewinds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
~Mark Twain~

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
~E.E Cummings~

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
~Judy Garland~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
~Dr Seuss~

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr Seuss~

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be. You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~Marianne Williamson~

"I hope that my achievements in life shall be these - that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, and that I will have given help to those who were in need that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been."
~C. Hoppe~

"The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit."
~Nelson Henderson~

Thursday, August 21, 2003
Hey everyone,

Just to let you know that I probably won't have the time to be on the computer in the next few days...with relatives down in Melbourne and graduation on Saturday, most of my time will be OUTSIDE of the apartment rather than inside :) I will try my best to check on those who's conditions are critical at the moment, and always know that even if I don't sign in, I am thinking of and praying for all the kids and their families!

Yesterday, dad and I had lunch with Aunty Peggy, Grace, Uncle Trevor and Aunty Janet. We also managed to snap some photos but I'll post them up later :) Tomorrow, cousin Deborah will be coming down from Gippsland and she'll be staying with us for the night and Saturday will be graduation day. The ceremony starts at 3.30pm, pray for GOOD weather! I'll be having a huge dinner with the entire family to celebrate graduation..and Sunday afternoon, we'll be having a "yum cha" lunch with Aunty Peggy. Sunday night, dad will be flying back home to KL.

So that is the weekend in a nutshell! I'll be back to post after the weekend :)

Before I go, I wanna let everyone in on the big surprise that I got yesterday morning...it was about 7.50am and naturally still asleep in bed and my phone rang and it was Angel Colby's dad, Jack, on the other end of the phone line... I was sooooo surprised! It was really great to finally talk to Jack and he told me all about Colby. I've "known" the Coles for over 6 months now through Caringbridge, and hearing from Jack just made it all the more REAL. They are such a loving, caring and wonderful family and Angel Colby really was so lucky to have had such a beautiful family. Thank you so much for calling Jack, and the next time I speak to you guys, I'll be sure to speak to Laura too :)

Please don't forget Brittany in your prayers and all the other kids too- Priya, Baby Jordan, Baby Noah, AJ, Noah Jay, Taylor and many more.

That's all for now...the next time I write, I'll be an official graduate from The University of Melbourne with a bachelor degree in Commerce.

Love, Janice

Monday, August 18, 2003
~UPDATE: 20TH AUGUST~
Could I please take a moment and ask EVERYONE to PLEASE say a prayer for Brittany. She has been through so much in the past 2 years and her condition is deteriorating at the moment. The doctors feel that she has not much time left, she's in a lot of pain and is having trouble breathing. Please pray for Brittany and her family. I don't even know where to begin to let you all know how dear Brittany is to me. I've been checking on her for awhile now and she has been such an inspiration. Please pray for a miracle, but if that is not to be, please pray for her comfort and for peace to be with her in the time she has left. Thank you.

~*NEW PHOTOS ADDED*~

Hi everyone,

It's pretty late here and I'm so tired so I will have to try and make this a really short one...which never works most of the time...usually when I say I'm gonna write a short email or a short entry, it turns out to be longer than what I'd usually write :)

I had a pretty good weekend..my birthday dinner on Saturday night was awesome and I had the best time! I made reservations for 13 of my closest friends at one of my favourite restaurants- Cafe Sienna (they have THE BEST hot chocolate fudge cake in the world!)...everyone turned up and just had a good time. Earlier on that day one of my friends asked if I was gonna have a birthday cake at the restaurant, and I said NOPE! For some reason I always feel embarrassed having a whole bunch of people sing happy birthday to me in public. Anyway after dinner, we ordered dessert and before I knew it, there was an entire congregation singing Happy Birthday to me with a sparkler on the slice of chocolate cake I ordered! Haha! I guess it was nice of everyone to sing to me :) After dessert, everyone walked down to Bridie O'Reilleys (an Irish bar) and had some drinks...it was so extremely packed and there was no room to dance on the dancefloor so we just ended up sitting at the tables outside talking. After about an hour or so, we moved on to have coffee and fries (weird combination!) at another cafe...and everyone went home tired, full and satisfied :) It was really so nice to have all my friends out and having a good time...usually it is so hard to get everyone out on the same night.

I got some REALLY cool presents too...lots of earrings (a girl can never have too many pairs of earrings!), a bag, a couple of CDs, some makeup, a scarf...and a COFFEE MAKER!! With the amount of coffee I usually drink, no wonder I was given a coffee maker :) To those who do not know, I am your typical coffee addict and caffeine does not seem to have an effect on my any longer...I can have a cup of coffee right before bed and I'll STILL sleep like a baby!! BAD, BAD, BAD! If there are any kids reading this, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take after me and my coffee habits. When I have kids, they aren't allowed to have coffee till their 30 :) Haha. I started when I was 15!

Well, I said this was gonna be short...look what happened.

Today is Kody's 8th birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY KODY!!!! If you could, please go by his site and wish him a happy birthday...this little boy is so full of life and so incredibly inspiring. He has been through a lot and it is such a huge milestone for him to be here celebrating his 8th birthday. I know you will have MANY, MANY, MANY more to come Kody!

GRADUATION IN 5 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for checking in :)

Love, Janice

Friday, August 15, 2003
Today was something different! I was woken up by a call from Dean saying that I could come into his office for an interview in the afternoon regarding a few temporary positions with a couple of superannuation companies. I of course agreed to the interviews...he works at a recruitment company so him and his colleagues interview lots of people for their clients. I guess I was pretty excited...but I was more worried of what I was gonna wear to the interview!!! Since "working clothes" are practically non-existent in my wardrobe which mostly includes denim skirts, t-shirts and jeans- I've had a student wardrobe all my life! I managed to pull something together anyway- tried to look as corporative as I possibly could :) I got to Dean's office at about 1.30pm (interview was at 2pm-talk about punctuality!! Bonus points??? Haha.) and one of his colleagues, Kylie, who was in charge of temporary positions was gonna be the one interviewing me. As I walked into the reception area, the ladies at reception were VERY nice and cheerful...I was then swamped with a whole load of forms to fill...bank information, tax file numbers etc etc. Then Kylie and I sat in a room and she just asked me a few questions of what sorta temporary work I was looking for, which fields I was looking into etc. She was a very nice lady and had a friendly personality so I was pretty comfortable being interviewed by her. She said that there was a temporary position avaiable at the customer service call centre at an Australian superannuation company which could be great for me. It starts early September and goes on for 8 weeks. I actually woudln't mind having a temp position in a superannuation company, coz during my entire university course, we hardly, if at all covered superannuation and I think it could be an interesting field, away from the stockmarkets, share prices and what not. At least this gives me something to do while I wait for my PR application to come through! I also had to do a couple of "typing tests". I was actually looking forward to these tests :) Last week Dean asked me about my typing skills and I told him that I had excellent typing skills :) Which I do! Haha. He goes "How fast can you type?"...and I go "REALLY fast"..and he goes "what about touch typing?"..and I go "I can watch TV and type at the same time" :) Haha. Which is true of course...I don't know how I've become such a fast typer...maybe it somehow relates to me being an internet junkie??? (I admit it, Kim!!!!). Anyway, I did the typing test with no problem and did really well on it too...I had a 4 percent error which they said was good, coz they usually want your errors to be around 5 percent or less. And for the "Word Perfect" test, I got a 24 out of 30 which they said was excellent too. So I was happy with the results :) Anyway, I hope this temporary position doesn't fall through! Cross your fingers and toes for me :)

Tomorrow night I'll be having another birthday celebration with all of my friends...it should be a really good night. I'm looking forward to it! I'll update probably after the weekend...in the mean time, I hope everyone has a safe and fun weekend.

Before I go, here is another quote from my Little Book of Calm:

~Knowing when to withdraw~
There comes a time in every struggle
when determination serves no purpose
and becomes an end unto itself.

Knowing when to move on to the next
issue is a skill possessed by many
calm people.

By the way, little Kody's results came back EXCELLENT! GO KODY!

I have just learnt that Brittany's mum, Patty, has relapsed. She had cancer too and was in remission but the cancer has come back. I can't imagine what this family must be going through. Brittany is fighting for her life and now Patty too. Like they don't have enough to deal with... please pray for the Zipters. Also, don't forget Priya...pray for a miracle. A million thank you's.

Love, Janice

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~August 14th~
Dear friends,

So apparently "Little Mackenzie Rose" is a fraud. I got an email saying that her website has been removed from Caringbridge. I was actually contemplating whether I should mention any of this in my journal and thought maybe not...but then I thought again, and said WHY NOT. Lately, there have been so many fraud(s) around and it really sickens me that people would actually pretend to have a child with cancer or even pretend that they are ill themselves. It is a cruel, selfish, senseless thing to do. If you find such a thrill in pretending to be someone you're not, then there is SURELY something very wrong with you. Do you so desperately need the money and gifts that you try and get out of these poor families with ill children? Are you that sad and lonely that you feel the need to PRETEND so that you get all the attention that you do? Or are you just plain HEARTLESS? Or perhaps all of the above? The families of Caringbridge have been through a lifetime of heartache I'm sure, they really don't need more.

To all my Caringbridge friends, I truly urge you to be careful and be cautious to "strange" people that you come across. You can never be too careful...I know there are so many loving and caring people here on Caringbridge who open their hearts to so many people...please becareful on who your open you hearts to.

Love, Janice

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thursday, August 14, 2003
Dear friends,

So apparently "Little Mackenzie Rose" is a fraud. I got an email saying that her website has been removed from Caringbridge. I was actually contemplating whether I should mention any of this in my journal and thought maybe not...but then I thought again, and said WHY NOT. Lately, there have been so many fraud(s) around and it really sickens me that people would actually pretend to have a child with cancer or even pretend that they are ill themselves. It is a cruel, selfish, senseless thing to do. If you find such a thrill in pretending to be someone you're not, then there is SURELY something very wrong with you. Do you so desperately need the money and gifts that you try and get out of these poor families with ill children? Are you that sad and lonely that you feel the need to PRETEND so that you get all the attention that you do? Or are you just plain HEARTLESS? Or perhaps all of the above? The families of Caringbridge have been through a lifetime of heartache I'm sure, they really don't need more.

To all my Caringbridge friends, I truly urge you to be careful and be cautious to "strange" people that you come across. You can never be too careful...I know there are so many loving and caring people here on Caringbridge who open their hearts to so many people...please becareful on who your open you hearts to.

Love, Janice

Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Hi everyone,

It's been pretty quiet here despite dad being down, so I haven't had much to update on! Last Sunday we had a nice dinner at Karen & Dean's..she made a VERY good roast pork! She is really starting to get the hang of making these roasts...even the gravy has been lump-less :) Christmas time last year she was learning how to make roasts for the first time and it just shows that all it takes is practice...coz she's nearly an expert now :)

We were actually thinking of making a little trip to Adelaide (about 8 hours drive west of Melbourne) but since Adrian has classes, it'll be a little difficult as he can't really take time off from his classes. Then dad thought maybe we could do it over this coming weekend, but I had already arranged to have my birthday dinner with friends this Saturday night. Bummer! I guess there's always next time? Adelaide would've been a nice trip though...it's known as the city of churches here in Australia. And apparently there are some really good food places there! I don't think I could live there for long though...I think Adelaide's a bit of a boring city if you weren't there on a holiday?? Hehe.

Dad has gone to have a round of golf today and I'm off to have lunch with a friend and gather some documents for my PR application...

Please continue to pray for dear Priya..she just had transplant #2 and is waiting for engraftment...please pray for her donor cells to GROW, she really needs this second chance. Also, little Kody will be having his MRI done today...please pray for GOOD news...his last MRI came with superb news and he got to be a "normal" kid all summer, so please pray that all continues to go well. As always, baby Noah, baby Jordan, Taylor, AJ, Manny, Marissa, Brittany and many more need your prayer for a miracle. Please do not forget them in your prayers. Thank you to all of you who continue to pray for these kids daily and leave them some words of love and encouragement. You are doing a world of good for them just by showing them you care! :)

Have a good rest of the week! Till next time...

Love, Janice
XOXO

Friday, August 8, 2003
Today, 11 months ago, my beautiful mother left us to be with God. I wish she was here...not anywhere else, BUT HERE! But if being here with us meant that she had to have cancer and suffer from it, then I think Heaven will suit her just fine. But I still wish she was here...I find myself wishing that all the time...mostly when I am feeling down or when I have nothing to do and my mind starts daydreaming...my thoughts tend to float along and land on memories of my mum, thoughts of her and what she would be doing if she were here today. Today, a friend and I were talking about graduation tickets (for the ceremony) that we had to get for our families. As a graduand we are given 3 tickets each and if we needed extra, we had to go get them on a certain day. So I did a mental calculation of how many people were turning up to my graduation... dad, Karen, Dean, Adrian, Aunty Peggy etc etc..and I wish I could've included "mum" in there. I know she'll be there in spirit...but it's not the same. Beggars can't be choosers, so I will settle for her being there in spirit. Not like I have a choice anyway since Cancer decided it was gonna take her away from us so soon. Are we ever gonna find a cure? Moments when I am feeling my saddest thinking of all that my mum went through, are moments when I feel like dropping everything I'm doing right now to become some sort of scientist or researcher so I can find a cure for Cancer. They keep selling these little ribbons to raise money for cancer research...I wonder if all this money we've raised the past god knows how many years, I wonder if they are actually helping? I HOPE so...when you hear of one Australian woman dying every 10 hours from Ovarian Cancer, you really need all the HOPE in the world...not only for the women diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, but for everyone else diagnosed with any form of cancer and also for their families.

Today, I found this article in the newspaper:

Buy A Ribbon
Every 10 hours, an Australian woman dies from ovarian cancer because there is no early detection test. Research shows 63 percent of Australian women, and 77 percent of young women aged 18-25, incorrectly assume a Pap Smear can detect ovarian cancer in its early stages.

Buy a $2 silver ribbon from any National Bank branch during August and every cent will go towards the Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation's hunt for a life-saving early detection test.

And boy do we seriously NEED this life-saving early detection test...for if we had that 5 years ago, my mum would be here with us, getting ready to attend my graduation in 2 weeks. So PLEASE, if you are living in Australia, could I kindly please ask you to purchase a $2 Silver Ribbon...and ladies, I urge you to please visit the Ovarian Cancer sites I've listed at the bottom. Read through them, look at the symptoms and just know your body. The difference between early detection and late detection is tremendous and WILL SAVE your life.

Tonight, I cooked dinner for the whole family :) It was YUMMY (so everyone said). It was really nice to have the family altogether again...I also snapped a few pictures and will find some time to post them up on the weekend. Looks like I will also be making a trip back to KL in November for cousin Tracy's wedding on the 7th of November! Karen & Dean will also be flying back to KL for the wedding. Adrian however, will have to stay behind in Melbourne as he'll be having finals at that time. Oh, too bad! Well, I'm looking forward to spending some time back home...I miss the food, my friends and family!!!!!!

Before I go, please go down on your knees tonight and say an extra prayer for Priya...her condition is still very critical and they have already decided to start her on transplant #2. Please pray for her new set of donor cells to GROW!!!!! GROW CELLS GROW! Priya, hang in there sweetie, we are praying for you!

Thank you to all who continues to check in on me, I really appreciate all the messages in the guestbook and look forward to reading them each time :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Love, Janice

To my mom, my very own special guardian angel...

~Memories~

They say memories are golden.
well maybe thats true
But we never wanted memories,
we only wanted you.

A million times we've needed you
A million times we've cried .
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly,
in death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a special place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stair case
And heartache build a lane
We'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken
And nothing seems the same
but as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Author Unknown

Thursday, August 7, 2003
Hey everyone!

Well, my birthday was pretty cool...I went out to lunch with some very close friends and then again to dinner...it was actually a pretty quiet day, but I have arranged to have another celebration on the 16th with more friends. So that should be good :)

Things are pretty quiet around here...dad did arrive safely Wednesday night. Adrian and I went to pick him up from the airport...it was my first time driving to Melbourne Airport so I wasn't 100 percent sure of where I was going. I knew the roads and freeways that I had to take but it's a whole different thing actually being behind the wheel!!! I had Adrian help out with the signboards and that, so we made it FINE to the airport.. and in record time too! I think it only took us about 15 minutes...usually it would take about 20 or 25 minutes. And I DON'T THINK I was speeding...I don't speed anyway :) Anyway, being a passenger and a driver in a car are two totally different things!! I have really noticed that difference ever since getting my license a few years ago. Like, I would be a passenger in a car and go to a certain place about a hundred times, but if you put me in the driver's seat and get me to drive there, I would probably have a hard time :) Haha! At least the airport proved that theory anyway. So we got to the airport just after 7pm and I waited outside the bus/taxi area (not supposed to!!) and got Adrian to run down to the arrival halls to see if he could spot dad...after 2 minutes of waiting in a "no parking/no standing" area, a policeman signalled for me to move...so I moved and just as I did I saw dad and Adrian appear from inside the airport, so I quickly pulled up at the "no parking/no standing" area again and loaded the car with dad's luggage and off we went! Haha...don't know what the policeman thought of me doing that so sneakily. Getting to the airport was fine but getting back to the city was a whole different story! Needless to say, having not driven back to the city from the airport before, I missed the city turn off from the freeway and ended up heading towards another freeway...but we managed to find our way back to the city, thank God :) It was also way past dinner time and I was hungry! And dad was too (airplane food is so yucky!).

Today, we had lunch with Aunty Janet & Uncle Trevor.. we went to our favourite Chinese/Vietnamese (more Chinese though) restaurant in Richmond...tomorrow night I am supposed to be cooking dinner for the whole family- Dad, Karen, Dean, Adrian and me- 5 people!! That is the most number of people I've ever had to cook for...I am thinking of making my famous baked Teriyaki chicken...MMMmmmMMMm! If anyone would like the recipe, please let me know :) Haha.

I think dad is really handling the cold pretty well..not that it's been EXTRA cold or anything...but seeing that he hates any kind of cold, he is doing pretty well...

The next couple of weeks should be a little more eventful, with more relatives coming down to Melbourne from KL.. Aunty Peggy and cousin Grace are expected next weekend and also Aunty Kim Mooi and Uncle Allen on graduation weekend.

I will snap more photos tomorrow night of the whole family and put them up soon :)

As usual, please don't forget to keep the kids in your prayers daily...especially Priya, Taylor, Manny, Michael, Marissa, Addison, Noah Jay, Shanna and many, many more. Because I check on A LOT of kids (and I mean alot!), I have a little system...I divide the kids into different categories:

1) Those who are seriously ill
2) Those who are not so ill but still need prayers
3) Those who are in remission
4) Those who are now in Heaven

And lately, the number of kids under list number 1 and 4 has been growing extensively. I pray for them as much and as hard as I can...and I know a lot of you are praying for them too...I am just so desperate to see them get better... or at least make improvements and progress..any sign of positive improvement really makes me smile and I thank God for that. I would also like to thank everyone who makes an effort to go to their websites and leave them encouraging and loving messages...not just to the kids but also to their families...looking back to when my mum was ill, I so wish I had the support of Caringbridge...because this is without the doubt the most incredible support system I have ever come across and the people involved are just so amazing. Your messages and words of support do mean the world to families with ill children...so THANK YOU for showing that you care :)

Love, Janice
XOXO

Tuesday, August 5, 2003
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I'm 22 today...but I still feel 21...when exactly during the year do I start to feel 22 rather than 21? Do we ever feel that change?? I remember a few years ago when it was a couple of months before I was gonna turn 19. My mum's friend had asked her how old I was. Mum said "Janice is 19". And when we were both alone together, I said to mum "why did you tell your friend I was 19???? I'm STILL 18!!!". Haha. Needless to say, I wanted to sound younger. I don't believe in saying you're that particular age when you haven't even officially reached that particular age!

I woke up this morning to Allison & Nina (Dean's sister & mum) at my front door...they had come to pick up some free movie passes to the Melbourne International Film Festival...forgot they were coming which was obviously why I was still in bed! Oops. Anyway, they came with a nice bunch of flowers!!! So sweet and so pretty :)

Dad, I got your birthday card you sent in the mail yesterday! Thank you!

Well I will make today a good day...I won't let the weather outside (gloomy and windy) get me down!

Thank you to everyone for their birthday wishes :)

Till next time, I hope you are all having a great week!

Love,
A, 22 year old and doesn't seem to mind it, Janice
XOXO

Sunday, August 3, 2003
~NEW PHOTOS ADDED~

Hi everyone!

I can't believe the beautiful weather we've been getting lately! It reached 16 degrees (celcius) yesterday and it was SUNNY! I hope it stays this way until my dad gets here on Wednesday...he really hates the cold weather so I just hope it doesn't get TOO cold for him when he's here. Anyway, I was thinking of going to the beach yesterday, just to enjoy the sun and maybe read a book or something but gave it a miss and had some coffee with some friends instead...I decided to WALK out to where we were having coffee so I guess I did get to enjoy the sun :) I've been trying to walk alot more these days and also trying to put in some effort and go to the gym! I think I tend to put on weight during the winter months...I certainly feel like I do! It is so tempting to just DRIVE instead of WALK in winter coz it's so cold outside, or you just feel like staying home and not go out and do anything! And also cold weather makes you hungry all the time...or at least it makes ME hungry all the time. Haha!

Okay on to the EXCITING news! (for me anyway!). Dinner last night at Karen's & Dean's was excellent! We had roast lamb with roasted vegetables...VERY, VERY delish. I think Karen is really taking after mum...she is a fantastic cook and mum was also a great cook. I actually took a photo of the lamb she roasted, but I didn't include it in the photo album. Maybe I will later this week! But trust me, it looked so mouth-watering and it tasted devine.

So anyway, just as we sat down to dinner, the phone rings and it was dad! He knew we were all having dinner at Karen & Dean's so he thought he'd ring to say hi and wish me a Happy Birthday in advance. So I was talking to dad and he asked me if Karen & Dean had given me my present...I said nope, not yet. Then later on in the conversation he asked if I needed anything from KL that he could take to Melbourne with him and I said nah, I don't need anything. And he says, what about some DVDs? And I was thinking about it for awhile and said, nah it doesn't matter. Coz we don't have a DVD player here in Melbourne. So, then after dinner it came to "pressies time"..and Karen gave Adrian and I both a little package...we opened it and we both had a battery each...and I was thinking "how weird"...then Karen said it was a "special battery"..and I knew that it wasn't the present, that they had something that needed batteries stashed away somewhere...but then again I thought maybe this really is a special battery, one of Karen's weird designs or ideas (she's a graphic designer and tends to come up with very funky ideas)...before I know it, Dean reappears with a DVD player in his hands!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it! Adrian and I (actually, mainly just me) have always wanted a DVD player! When Adrian went back to KL last month, I told him to get dad to get us a DVD player for Melbourne...and Adrian said that dad said "no". I guess dad knew that Karen & Dean were getting us one for our birthdays!!! SNEAKY or what? Anyway, I'm just really happy with the present. Adrian and I have had some really good presents this year...digital camera from dad and now a DVD player from Karen & Dean! THANK YOU!!! Now I can finally get Season 1 of Dawson's Creek on DVD!!! I've been dying to get them...

We also had a strawberry cheesecake as our birthday cake...it was really nice. No tiramisu though! I didn't mind coz the cheesecake was VERY rich and nice. You know who used to make the best cheesecakes? My mum :) She could make anything...she has her very own book full of recipes at home. She had it since she was 13...she had cooking classes at school and used to write all the recipes they cooked at school in a little note book and just collected more and more recipes over the years and put them in that book. The book is now FULL and she even had to get a second book to continue with her collection. I think that book has every recipe ever invented...there are literally HUNDREDS of recipes in there!

Well, dad is getting here very soon...he is arriving Wednesday night and Adrian and I will be picking him up from the airport...it'll be my first time driving to the airport!!! Usually it'll be someone driving ME to the airport :) I don't think I'll get lost though..it's pretty easy and straightforward.

I was watching the news today and they had a little conference on Ovarian Cancer at Federation Square this afternoon...I wish I had known about it so I could've gone there and listened to what they had to say. I think they were basically promoting awareness on Ovarian Cancer- a very silent killer. In Australia, a woman dies of Ovarian Cancer every 10 hours. I don't think women out there are aware of how silent Ovarian Cancer really is...most women who are diagnosed with it are often in the late stages and are only given a 5 year survival period. Unfortunately my mum was one of them. In future updates, I will post more about Ovarian Cancer as I think a lot of women really need to know more about it. I have some links at the bottom of the page which are very useful and I really urge every woman especially those over 35 to please have a read of what the symptoms are and what to look for. They are usually very "normal" symptoms like a bloated stomach, weight gain, abdonimal pains...most women would just pass it off as "that time of the month", when really it is something a million times more serious. So please have a visit to those websites and learn more about Ovarian Cancer. I even wrote to Oprah Winfrey (I love Oprah!) a few months ago on how she should do a show on Ovarian Cancer to help promote awareness but I never got a reply! Didn't really expect one either :) They are selling little silver ribbons to help raise money for research on Ovarian Cancer, so I think I'll go out and buy one tomorrow..

Okay so here is another quote from my Little Book of Calm:

~Worry when the time comes~
Most worries are future-based.
They revolve around things that,
in most cases, will NEVER happen.

Concentrate on the present and the
future will take care of itself.

Please don't forget to keep the kids in your prayers... Priya, Addison (AJ), Manny, Noah Jay, Marissa, Taylor, Michael...there are many more of them. All links are below. I have been checking on so many kids for awhile now and I have really grown attached to so many of them...I check on them everyday and sometimes when I have to go by a few days without the computer, it really worries me that one of them or some of them may not be doing too well. I am so thankful and grateful for being able to share their journeys with them...6 months ago I didn't know what a bone marrow transplant involved, I didn't know what good counts were and what bad counts were, I didn't know what a broviac was, I didn't know how sick ill children could get... Caringbridge has really opened my eyes in so many different ways...and today I wonder how different I would be as a person, especially since my mother's death, if I hadn't found Caringbridge. I have met some really very wonderful people through here and I only hope that I get to meet all of them one day. That is definitely one of my short term future goals.

Well, the next time I update will probably be when dad gets to Melbourne. And I'll snap more photos with him then and put them up! In the mean time, please don't forget to check out the new photos and please sign my guestbook to let me know you came by. And thank you for praying for me, my family and all the kids! Very, very appreciated :)

Have a good week, everyone!

Love, Janice
XOXO

Okay...so in 2 days I will be 22, another year older. As the years go by and I reach 30 and 40 and 50, I really hope I won't be someone who's afraid of ageing!

~The Beauty of a Woman...~

The beauty of a woman
Is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries,
Or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows,
And the beauty of a woman

With passing years....only grows!

Friday, August 1, 2003
HAPPY AUGUST EVERYONE!

Gosh...August already. My favourite month of the year! For a few reasons...mainly because it's my birthday month... and also because it's usually the start of a new semester at uni (and I get to see all of my friends again)..and also coz it's the LAST month of winter! YAY! I CANNOT wait for winter to fly away and for spring and summer to come rolling in :) I am so ready for summer!

Melbourne has been having some VERY good days lately... well, I say good as I compare to the days we had last week...it's been so sunny here the past 2 days! Sunny and blue skies...just the kinda day I love :) Last week was so wet and rainy, I stayed inside practically all week. Anyway, living in Melbourne city itself, you wouldn't realise the seriousness of the drought we're facing at the moment...even though Stage 1 Water Restrictions are in place, it still doesn't feel like we're seriously lacking in the water department...the start of August means the start of Stage 2 Water Restrictions. It's really hard to believe that Melbourne's water storage is barely above 40 percent. The rain last week did bring it up to about 41 percent but it's WAY too low. A friend of mine took me to a local dam sometime last week to have a look at how bad things are...and it was only then that I realised really how bad an effect the drought has been on Melbourne. The dam was only 13 percent full and I could see the little hills and mounts in the middle of the dam that were meant to be covered by water, not exposed bare. I don't know what would happen if we ran out of water! So, we'll just have to pray for more rain...even if it means, cold, gloomy weather...

Tomorrow night, we will be having a birthday celebration at Karen & Dean's. It will be a post-celebration for Adrian and a pre-celebration for me :) I think a roast will be on the menu! My friends and Karen have been asking me what I'd like for my birthday...and I've just been saying "I don't know...nothing is fine". Besides really not having anything in mind, I just don't think it's necessary for gifts...I never know what to say when people ask me what I want. I feel bad :)

Dad will be arriving in Melbourne on Wednesday, 6th of August. It will be the day after my birthday but that's quite okay...he said we'll celebrate anyway after he arrives. I will probably do something with my friends too... just don't know what exactly yet :)

This time last year, my friends asked me if I had any thoughts of celebrating my 21st birthday...everyone knows that 21sts are special and ought to be celebrated elaborately...but with everything that was going on with mum...with her being so ill, I just wasn't in the mood for any celebration. I didn't feel like having a party, I didn't feel like going out and celebrating with my friends...I just wanted to sit at home. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself at all...I just wanted it to be quiet. But my friends being the friends that they are, they took me out to a quiet dinner at Southgate and I enjoyed myself :) In July last year, while Adrian and I were home in KL for winter break, mum decided to take me shopping for my 21st present...I told her I didn't want anything (as I always say!)...that it didn't matter if I didn't get anything, but she insisted that I have something special anyway. So I took mum out shopping...we were at Mid Valley and at that time she didn't have much energy to walk, so we had a wheelchair for her...and mum being a woman who just LOVED diamonds (diamonds really were her best friend!), she wanted to get me a diamond necklace...so we went into the jewellrey shop and spent awhile there just looking at all the different diamond pendants. They were all so beautiful and I finally chose the one I liked best (that was also in mum's price range of course!). So this beautiful diamond necklace that I have now was the last present that my mum gave to me and the most special. I hold it and keep it close to my heart...and if anything ever happened to it, I could never forgive myself. I don't wear it everyday, but I always wear it on special occasions when I wished mum was with me. It is so hard to imagine my life without her...yet at this very moment, I have to teach myself to adapt to life without her...I have to learn to accept the fact that she isn't here with me any longer...I can't describe the pain that my heart feels...the day she died, my heart broke into a million pieces and I thought that there was no way that it could all piece together again...even today, I feel like the pieces are still strewn everywhere...I can't seem to pick the pieces up and put them altogether again...it reminds me of a song by the Bee Gees called "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart"...I've put the lyrics below, so please check them out. It's such a beautiful song and I keep thinking "how true" whenever I hear it.

Okay, so another calm quote from my Little Book of Calm...

Reaffirm Your Friendships
~If you tend to get overly serious about your work or your responsibilities, remind yourself that the most common deathbed regrets relate to neglected relationships, not unfinished business.~

We lost Super Lukey early yesterday morning. Please keep his family in your prayers. Run free, sweet Luke!!! We will all miss you.

Also please continue to keep Priya, Addison, Manny, Noah Jay (just found out that his cancer is growing rapidly), Marissa, Michaela and Michael (links are all below), and all the other kids fighting for their lives in your prayers. Each and every one of them need their very own special miracle, so please pray that God will grant them the miracles they so desperately need and deserve. I've seen miracles happen on Caringbridge, I know that God will show me one or more again. Also, don't forget all our little angels who've gone to Heaven. I have a list of angels above, so feel free to visit their sites and leave their families a note.

Thank you for all of your prayers, and thank you for checking in...have a nice weekend!

Love, Janice

~How Can You Mend A Broken Heart~

I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, but i was never told about the sorrow.

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, noone said a word about the sorrow.

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003
~UPDATE: 1st August~
Little Luke lost his battle early yesterday morning. As sad as it is to see him leave all of us, I am so relieved that he is now happy and cancer-free in Heaven. This poor little boy had to endure so much pain in the last weeks of his life...no child or person for that matter should ever have to go through that much pain. He is now finally at rest and at peace. Thank you God for finally granting Luke his angel wings that he so desperately needed. Please go by his website and offer his heartbroken family some words of love and support.

Also, please pray for a miracle for Priya...she really needs a miracle right now to save her life. She has lost all of her donor cells which means graft failure. Please PRAY for this little girl...she is hanging on to dear life.

Thank you for all your prayers and concerns for the little ones.

I will update later tonight!

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY, ADRIAN!

Today is Adrian's 19th birthday...I haven't had the chance to wish him a happy birthday yet as he left for uni early this morning and naturally, I was still asleep. Hehe. I think his plan tonight is to have some dinner with his friends out in Chinatown. I was invited but decided to give it a miss...I don't really "hang out" with his group of friends...even though they are only 3 years younger than I am, we are in a whole different social circle with a different group of friends. So if I were to go to the dinner tonight, I'll probably just be sitting there feeling alone :) It's really not a big deal though. We'll be having a celebration at Karen & Dean's this weekend anyway. I should really put in a request for a tiramisu as my birthday cake! Haha :)

Well, the GOOD NEWS is that I have gotten my whole visa thing sorted out! It feels really good to have it out of the way! My current student visa is expiring TODAY, but I submitted the application for a new Graduate Visa on Monday so it should all work out fine. I only started working on the application a couple of weeks ago and was really freaking out coz I was really rushing for time...but I've realised that it helps to stay calm and just focus on doing what you have to be doing...so I did stay calm and just got all the documents that I needed together, and everything just sorta fell into place :) So really, the key is to stay CALM and DON'T PANIC!

The other good news is that my skills assessment application got approved! Basically, I needed a skills assessment for this visa that I applied for and also for my Permanent Residency that I'll be applying for later. And what it means is that they look at all the subjects that I did at university and just make sure that it's relevant to the jobs that I'd like to apply for in the future. So that came back with an "outcome positive", so I'm really relieved :)

I have to say though, it's really not a fun thing dealing with visas and immigration...they are a bunch of VERY UNFRIENDLY and UNHELPFUL people! A friend of mine was also applying for the same visa that I was...except he was in a worse position than I was and he was running out of options...so we went to the immigration department and the lady there was a complete b****. I don't think I have met anyone that rude to their customers. The entire conversation with her was very frustrating but the part which really pissed me off was when this happened:

My friend: I am running out of options here, can you please give me some alternatives of what I should do?

PMS Lady: (In a very RUDE and abrupt voice) I can't tell you what to do. If I were to ask you to go out onto the road and get hit by a car, would you do that??

Both my friend and I were SO shocked that she said something like that. I was speechless. And then we inquired about the various types of bridging visas (eg: A,B,C,D,E)..and she immediately said she didn't know what the various bridging visas were for and that she didn't even know that a Bridging Visa E existed...I was so tempted to just shout out "how the hell did you get this job then???"...but of course I stayed CALM. I just don't see why these people need to be so rude. My poor friend was so discouraged after that little encounter with the immigration!

Well, ENOUGH about visas and immigration! I get really worked up and frustrated everytime I talk about them.

Please don't forget to pray for the little ones going through what seems to be "hell on earth"...a few of them are really well and truly fighting for their lives- Luke, Priya, Taylor, Manny, Marissa and many more. Also remember those who have just undergone transplant. Their days post-transplant are critical and the most harrowing. Thank you for always praying for them!

Barbara, thank you for letting me know that Connor's link wasn't working :)

I have this tiny pocket book called "The Little Book of Calm" by Paul Wilson and it is really cute. There are a lot of little instructions inside of how to get yourself to a calm state of mind. And one of my favourites is:

Pretend everyday is a Saturday

I think I'll start quoting from this little calm book every now and then to share it with everyone...I know so many of us need it :)

Till my next update, I hope everyone has a CALM week!

Thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

Sunday, July 27, 2003
~UPDATE: 28TH JULY~
Sweet Chassidy earned her beautiful angel wings yesterday at 12.30pm. I can't believe it...I have been checking on Chassidy for awhile now and she had a special place in my heart. My heart broke at the news a week ago when she was admitted to PICU...she was doing so well for a little while and then it all happened. Now, my heart feels like it has broken into pieces all over again...she was a beautiful 12 year old girl who really gave it all she got...she fought so hard to be well and she was in the hospital for so long, and when she managed to get out, she was just so thrilled. Please visit her site and leave her mom Tonya some words of love and support...she is extremely heartbroken and would really love to read your messages. Oh how lucky Heaven is to have another beautiful angel...

~NEW PHOTOS ADDED~

Hi everyone!

Okay, it's been awhile again...SORRY! I feel really guilty not having update as often as I have before and also for not signing in my CB families' guestbooks as often...I assure you it has nothing to do with my being lazy (as if!)...for some reason, other things seem to pop up throughout the days and nights and I don't get a chance to update or sign guestbooks...I do check my guestbook everyday though to see if anyone has left me a message and of course I check in on the kids everyday too, making sure they are doing okay :)

I have this "Count Down" feature on my mobile phone, and currently it says that there is approximately 9 days till my 22nd birthday and 27 days till my graduation :) WOOHOO! My birthday is on the 5th of August...so if you are into the whole star sign thingie, I am your true Leo girl! Haha. Kinda...in my entire family (extended family), I share my birthday with 2 other family members...my Auntie Kim Mooi and cousin Anita...so it's a pretty special day to share it with family. When I was younger, we used to have a get together and have a couple of birthday cakes... that was cool. Also, I got a gift from Auntie Kim Mooi in advance...a beautiful watch and an "ang pow"..thank you! Adrian's birthday is on Wednesday (30th July) and he will be turning 19...last Saturday he decided to have an early celebration with his friends...they had a nice BBQ by the Yarra river...and thankfully the weather was nice enough. It reported 13C and rain but luckily the rain held off, there was a little sun and they could enjoy the BBQ :) He had 12 of his closest friends there and also our cousin Deborah came down from Gippsland to help celebrate. Her and Adrian are the same age (Deb is about a month or so younger) and are pretty close. Deb stayed with us on the weekend, it was nice to see her again! She left this morning to catch the train back to Gippsland in the morning...they decided to have a little McDonalds breakfast before heading to the train station...needless to say I wasn't awake at that "early" hour (not usually awake THAT early!) and so I missed breakfast :)

Okay speaking of graduation, I just received my graduation package! I didn't think I would be this excited but I am... it is great to be graduating and everything but it's so disappointing that Melbourne University doesn't have that whole graduation hat with the tassle!! We only have a robe, which is fine...but doesn't graduation always mean one of those hats with a tassle??? I knew this since first year of uni and I was rather disappointed, forgot about it for awhile and now I just remembered it all over again.. OH WELL. I guess I'll just have to do without it. Well from the graduation package it looks like my graduation robe will be be lined in "Sky Blue"...that's the Commerce colour.

I am hoping to lodge my visa application tomorrow.. actually I will HAVE to lodge it tomorrow, no excuses! It has to get to Adelaide by Wednesday. So after tomorrow, I should be less stressed :)

Last week I had the pleasure of going to Coldplay's concert..they are an amazing band from the UK...I love their music and had a blast! :)

Please don't forget to check out the photo album! I added some new pictures...there are a couple of photos just taken from the new digital camera that Adrian and I got from dad. It is a real snazzy lil thing! The second photo in the album is of mum and Aunty Janet taken at the Begonia Festival last year...it is one of my favourite photos of mum..for so many reasons! First of all, the colour is just beautiful...Begonias are really beautiful flowers..their colours are so bright and alive. Secondly, from the photo, you can tell just how close mum is to Aunty Janet...they are sisters and they were very close. Mum loved to come to Melbourne and just hang out with Aunty Janet. They would do lots of things together, like shopping, having coffee or just talking. They always enjoyed each others company.

This time last year was pretty difficult. Adrian and I had been back home in KL for about a month on winter break, and had to leave for Melbourne as the new semester of uni was starting. I still remember the morning we had to fly back to Melbourne...we had an early flight so we were getting ready to leave for the airport at 6am. Mum had woken early to see us off and it was the 2nd hardest goodbye I ever had to say to her (the 1st being the day she passed away)...at that time, she was already very ill...she could still walk and talk, but she was clearly getting weaker. I couldn't help but start crying as we said goodbye...deep inside my heart I knew there was a possibility that that could've been the last time I saw her alive and I think she knew it too...nevertheless I told her that I loved her and that I would see her again very soon. And thankfully and luckily, I did get to see her again. I was just so upset and scared at the same time..I cried the whole way to the airport (a good 45 minutes!)...god, I miss her so much. I would give anything just to be able to see her and talk to her for 5 more minutes. Anything.

Well, I guess that's all for now...I will try and snap more photos this week (possibly some of myself!) and put them up in the album. And I'll definitely update soon :) Please don't forget to keep the kids in your prayers... a few of them really need serious prayers and miracles... Taylor, Luke, Chassidy, Priya, Manny, Marissa, baby Shanna, baby Jordan and baby Noah just to name a few. All of their links are below, so please visit their site and keep them in your prayers. Thank you!

Thank you for checking in :) Have a great week everyone and remember to always live each day to its fullest! You are only given one life, treasure it and make the most of it...that's what my mum always told me :)

Love, Janice

Here's to keeping the memory of my Angel Mum alive... forever remembering her and keeping her close to my heart.

~Keep My Memory~

Keep my memory with you,
For memories never die;
I will be there with you,
When you look across the sky.

I will be there in the clouds,
In the birds that fill the air;
In the beauty of a fragrant rose,
You will find my memory there.

You will feel me in the tenderness,
Of a tiny baby's touch;
You will hear me if you listen,
In the twilight's gentle hush.

When your hearts are heavy,
And you feel that you are alone;
Just reach down deep inside of you,
For your heart is now my home.

I will always be with you,
I will never go away;
For I will live on in your hearts,
Forever and a day.

Allison Chambers Coxsey

Monday, July 21, 2003
~Update: 23rd July~
Some kids here at Caringbridge are in very serious conditions, so PLEASE say some extra prayers for them...

Chassidy- Sweet Chassidy is a 12 year old girl fighting AML. She received a transplant in May but she is now in a very serious condition...her liver and intestines are not doing well...she has been in the hospital way too long.. as soon as she got better to leave, something came to knock her back down. Please visit her site and leave her and her mom, Tonya, some words of support and encouragement... they really need it and appreciate it!

Luke- Little Luke has been sent home on hospice care and is starting to grow his angel wings. He is in a lot of pain...please pray for his comfort and pray for his family at this most difficult time.

Priyanka- Priyanka is currently fighting for her life... GVH is threatening to take all of her organs...please PRAY for her and her organs.

Marissa- Marissa is a beautiful 7 year old. She is very ill at the moment and just feeling depressed, so please go by her site and leave her some words of love and encouragement!

Also, continue to keep baby Noah (link below) in your prayers too...although he is home, he still has a lot of mucuous and needs a lot of suctioning. This can become very damaging to his lungs which could put him back into PICU which was how it all started. He has come way too far for that, so please pray for this little baby!

Thank you so much for all your prayers!

Hey everyone :)

I know it's been awhile since I updated...besides not having much to report, I've also been busy running around trying to put in an application for a visa (my current one is expiring SOON!). I will try and update more when things have sorted out and everything settles back down again... lately I've been feeling like I have so much to do and so little time...24 hours in a day is really NOT enough! I was telling a friend the other day to imagine if human beings did not need sleep, we would have SO much time to do other things!

Anyway, Adrian is now back in Melbourne after a nice holiday back home in KL. I think he was enjoying himself too much back home and did not want to come back to Melbourne- only because he will be starting uni soon and also he has to start doing the dishes and cleaning up again! :) He arrived early this morning with cousin Deborah who was on the same flight...and Aunty Janet and Uncle Trevor kindly picked them up from the airport, dropped Deb off at Flinder St. Station (to head back to Gippsland) and then dropped Adrian off here at the apartment. Thanks A. Janet & U. Trevor! :) Adrian also had a copy of the latest Harry Potter book with him- courtesy of U. Allen & A. Kim Mooi! Thank you! I can't believe how thick it is...I will try and get started on it soon..I have never read any of the books- only watched the movies and loved them! And also, dad bought Adrian and I a digital camera for our birthdays (our birthdays are only a week apart)...it is such a nifty little thing! Tiny and light and just really cool...I will snap some photos and put them on here as soon as Adrian (or me) figure out how to transfer it to the computer...so be tuning in for some new photos soon!

I guess that's all for now...please check the prayer list for all the kids that I've mentioned below...I update them occasionally when I get updates on them and how they are progressing...and just recently there are a couple of them who seem to be growing their angel wings (Taylor & Luke)and others who are in critical condition (Priya)...PLEASE keep them in your prayers. Links are all below. Thank you!

Thanks for checking in! Have a great week :)

Love, Janice

~The Serenity Prayer~

GOD, grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change

Courage
to change the
things I can
and the

Wisdom
to know the difference.
~ ~ ~
Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;

Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen

By Reinhold Neibuhr

Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Hi everyone!!!

GOOD NEWS! I am GRADUATING! YAY! I am so happy right now, nothing at this very moment could EVER bring me down... this is what I've been working for the past 16 years of my life going to kindergarden, primary school, high school and university! And I wanted more than anything to be able to graduate and make my family proud and also myself proud. My recent finals were really tough and I was pretty stressed about them, so I am just so relieved to know that on the 22nd of August (GRADUATION DAY!), I will be walking up onto that stage, smiling and proudly receiving my degree in Commerce. WOOHOO! Now I am getting pretty excited...my dad is flying down to Melbourne for my graduation and also my Aunty Peggy and cousin Grace. It will be so nice to have family around me at this special moment...of course, the one person that I would LOVE to have at my graduation will not be able to make it, but I know she will be walking beside me in spirit, her face beaming with pride. My parents have always been the two people in my life who've had constant faith and belief in me and no matter how difficult things got or how I struggled sometimes during my educational life, they always knew that somehow I would make it...

So graduation will be on the 22nd of August which means I have to try and get some extra tickets! I think we are only given 3 tickets each and I definitely have more than 3 people coming to my graduation! :)

On the homefront...it is pretty quiet here...we are having some very cold days here in Melbourne, the sun is out but the wind is a killer! It gets so windy and soooo cold... I think we are expecting a 16 degree (celcius) day sometime this week, I can't wait! Adrian is now expected back to Melbourne on the 22nd of July...he was actually due back on the 26th but decided to fly back a little earlier. He will be starting his new semester at uni in a couple of weeks.

I guess that's all for today...I just wanted to share my good news with everyone :) Thanks everyone for always checking on me and leaving me messages in the guestbook... I love reading 'em!

Have a GREAT week!

Love, a very excited graduating Janice

This is just a little poem that I found...it's basically what my heart is saying to my mind...it was SO important for me to graduate this year and I just wanted it more than anything and believed that I worked my hardest for it...so I'm glad that I pulled through!

~Congratulations!~

You made it!
I always knew you would.
There's a star in the making.
Look out world!
Whether on a mountain top
or in a valley low, you'll always
make it through the storm
and find a rainbow.

Reatha Crow

Monday, July 14, 2003
~UPDATE~
Another little Taylor desperately needs prayers...she is fighting ALL and her treatments have not been working. The doctors say she only has a few weeks left...please pray for a miracle for Taylor. She is now home enjoying the rest of her time with her family. Please keep all of them in your prayers.

There is just nothing worse than knowing that a loved one is going to die and nothing can be done to save them. It is so painful to watch them fade away. You just feel helpless and useless. You want to heal them so badly but instead all you can do is just make sure they're comfortable. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!

The miracle I so desperately prayed for was not to be...little Taylor lost her battle last night. She grew her angel wings and flew into the arms of God. I can't begin to describe how I feel...so many kids who have been so special and dear to me have lost their lives to this horrible disease. Please visit Taylor's site and offer her family some words of love, support and comfort..their little girl fought so hard. I guess little Taylor was just too tired. Who can blame her...she had so much to deal with for a 7-year old.

*Sweet Angel Taylor, I will miss you! Fly high above the clouds, sweetie*.

August 1st is Jeans For Genes Day here in Australia. I don't know if it's the same throughout the world but it's a very special day. On this day, money is raised and goes towards the work of the scientists at the Children's Medical Research Institute who work on preventing childhood diseases. So on Jeans For Jeans day, everyone can make a little donation and wear their favourite pair of jeans to school or work :) It's for a VERY good cause- the kids!

I just got home from house-sitting and it feels very weird not having a dog around me. I am looking forward to having dinner tonight and not having the dog jump on me, trying to eat my food :)

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and have a great start to the week!

Thanks for checking in :)

Love, Janice

A special poem dedicated to Angel Taylor Rae Johnson:

~I Hafta Go~

I'm sorry that I hafta go
And I thank you for your prayers.
But my Father, who lives up above,
Needed me up there.

And though you were so very sweet,
I know you'll understand
That hosts of little angels wait
For me in Gloryland.

I can't see a rain drop
Or a cloud up in the sky.
I can run, and jump, and play;
Without a pain or sigh.

I hope that I accomplished what
Father God sent me to do.
I hope you realize I'm His
And was only loaned to you.

I can't come back again, you know.
But you can come to me.
Your treasure up in heaven
Is a girl that's almost three.

So, please remember all the times
That filled us all with glee.
Make your way sure to heaven -
To come and live with me.

Joan Clifton Costner

Sunday, July 13, 2003
Everyone, PLEASE keep little Taylor in your prayers...she has taken a turn for the worse and has been having seizures. Her family thinks that her time is soon. Please pray for a miracle or for comfort and peace as she starts to grow her angel wings. Keep her family in your prayers too...I can't believe this is happening, I have been following Taylor's journey for awhile now and it just breaks my heart to know she might be leaving us soon. I am praying for a miracle. She has fought so hard for so long...thanks for all of your prayers.

The weekend has been really quiet while Lali and I house-sit. Everyone I know knows that I LOVE to sleep in and only usually wake up till late morning (hehe) but the dog keeps waking me up...she wakes me up at 8am every morning so I figured it must be breakfast time. I feed her and go back to bed :) But she wakes me up again at 10am which I think must be "walk" time, so I have a shower and then take her for a walk. I don't think there is anything that she wouldn't eat...everytime Lali and I have something that we put in our mouths, Demi will just go crazy and start spinning around on the floor wanting what we're eating...but unfortunately we are under strict instructions not to feed her "human food" :)

That's all for now, please don't forget to keep Caringbridge's kids in your prayers...there are some really ill ones who need a lot of prayers...and as I mentioned before, please pray for Taylor...my heart is breaking for her family.

Love, Janice

Friday, July 11, 2003
UPDATE 12TH JULY:
Douglas earned his angel wings yesterday...I am so saddened by this news...another little one lost but safe in God's arms. Please continue to keep his brother Cameron in your prayers and their whole family too. Also pray we stop losing these kids to childhood diseases...you're not meant to be ill when you're a child...you're meant to go to school, go to birthday parties, watch cartoons...thanks for all of your prayers.

Okay so here we are at Gerald's & Ah Wan's house house-sitting and dog-sitting :) It is actually me and Lali (my cousin who is down from Queensland) house-sitting...she ended up helping me out just so I won't be all alone on the weekend...awww! :) Anyway, I didn't think I would have a chance to update but they have Broadband Internet here!!!! YAY! When I think of broadband, I think of downloading all those episodes of Felicity and Dawson's Creek that I missed but hmm, I don't think I'll be doing any of that :) It is pretty cool though..they have TWO computers, one in the kitchen (???) and one in the study...so Lali and I won't have to fight to see who gets to use the computer. Haha. There is also a ton of DVDs to watch, they really have a huge collection (not as huge as Karen's & Dean's DVD collection though!)...we just finished watching "Tomcats" on DVD...and at the moment Lali is in the study using the other computer, which leaves me in the kitchen using the other computer...and Demi, the dog, is running back and forth between us :) She's pretty cute :) She really LOVES the attention and always wants us to give her a pat or a belly rub...and if I don't, she will come pawing away at my leg...she also seems to love the bed and the TV in the bedroom...I have a feeling she'll be sleeping in our bed tonight.

Well I have to go give Demi a fresh bowl of water.

Please don't forget Douglas in your prayers...his condition is worsening and he is really not doing well. Please pray for him and his family.

Hugs, Janice
XOXO

Thursday, July 10, 2003
I am house-sitting tomorrow and through the weekend so that would probably mean I won't be updating till Monday or so :) Getting around to my Caringbridge families will also be kinda hard, so please know that while I'm away, I will be keeping everyone, especially all my special little Caringbridge kids in my thoughts and prayers. Keep STRONG and BRAVE you guys!!! And to those who need it, GROW CELLS GROW!!! I'll be thinking of everyone :)

Now, to an urgent prayer request...Little Douglas is VERY, VERY sick at the moment... he was rushed to ER a couple of nights ago with a blood clot and is now on the ventilator. Both his heart and liver are enlarged and his lungs are filling up with blood/fluid too. Please say some EXTRA prayers for this little boy...keep his family (his brother Cameron is sick too but he is doing good at the moment) in your prayers always.

Also, don't forget Angel Jillian who earned her angel wings a couple of days ago. Keep her family in your prayers.

Thank you!

Okay, so I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend :)

Hugs & kisses to all!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, July 8, 2003
~*UPDATE 9th July*~:
Heaven got another beautiful angel early yesterday morning...Angel Jillian was a beautiful little girl fighting ALL. She relapsed in April and has now earned her angel wings...please visit her site and leave her heartbroken parents some words of love, comfort and support. Thanks.

Ten months ago today, my dearest, beautiful mum went to be with God in her new home, Heaven...I can't believe it's been 10 months...I can't seem to pick the EXACT words (there are just too many anyway) to describe how I feel at this moment, 10 months on without her in my life, and how I felt 10 months ago at her side, holding her hand as she flew into God's arms. It is so hard to believe that she isn't here with me anymore...it's hard to explain, but sometimes, even though I know that she isn't here anymore, at the back of my mind I feel like she will be coming back soon...like from a long holiday or something. And then some days it REALLY hits me that no, she hasn't been on a long holiday, she just isn't coming back...and boy does that hurt. I never knew my heart could ache this much. I know that when big events come around for me, it will hit me even more to know that my mum really isn't here...events like graduation...birthdays...holidays (Christmas, Chinese New Year etc.), my wedding...when I have kids.

In January, I went to a family friend's wedding...one of my dad's friend's daughter was getting married and she had lost her mum 6 or 7 years ago in an accident. So at her wedding, when she was giving her speech, she mentioned her mum and how she wished she was there to celebrate the most important day of her life, how she would've been so proud of her on her wedding day and how she was watching over her...and there I was listening to her speech with tears rolling down my eyes for so many reasons...two of which was because I understood her pain and also because I knew that when it was my turn to have a wedding dinner, it would have to be without my mum...

I just miss her so much...I know my family is missing her too...my dad especially...my parents had 29 years of marriage...I cannot imagine spending my life with someone for 29 years and then suddenly one day they're not with us anymore...my dad is so strong, for so long now (ever since my mum was diagnosed) I have admired him for everything that he is...his strength...his wisdom... everything.

Well, 10 months seems like a long time...but soon it will be a year...then 2 years...then 5 years...I'm thankful for photos, so I will NEVER forget what my mum looks like... and I'm also thankful for years of memories, all of which cannot be forgotten...so much of what my mum was, I have in me...as both my parents raised their children, they never failed to instill their own values in us...and that I will always keep with me. No matter where I go, or what I become...I will always have a part of her inside of me.

*~Dearest mum, I will always love you with all my heart, and I will never forget you. I miss you more than you'll ever know~*

Love, Janice

PS- In my last entry, I said that it was 16 degrees in Melbourne...I forgot that America follows the Farenheit system! Us here in the Land Down Under follow the Celcius system :) Sorry to shock a few of you! It was 16 degrees CELCIUS...I can't imagine having 16 degrees FARENHEIT as weather here... I would be too frostbitten to even type anything :) So...just to let everyone know, when I mention weather...it's in CELCIUS! :)

~My Angel, My Mom~

That night I sat with you upon your bed of white
Sadly waiting, as I knew you were going towards the light,
I touched your cheek and held your hand and said,
"I love you, Mom, but I have to let you go,
Because your work on earth is done."

My heart was pounding wildly and I wanted you to stay,
But I knew you'd be with Jesus before the dawn of day.
Your breathing became softer, until it came no more,
And you looked more beautiful than you ever had before.

You were free from pain and suffering,
For your soul was now set free
And though I would miss you deeply, I knew it had to be.

You had lived a long life, been
a daughter, wife, and mother
Now your role was changing,
more important than any other.

You were to be an angel, the daughter of a King
To live in Heaven above, looking down and watching
over things.
So even though I miss you and at times feel my heart
will break
I wouldn't wish you back with all your body had to take.

You are where you need to be, an angel in the sky
And I will see you once again in the sweet by and by.
Until that time I have the memories of you I will hold dear.
I love you, Mom, I always will. You always will be here.

Clara Peterson

Sunday, July 6, 2003
~*URGENT PRAYER REQUEST*~
Noah Jay is in need of some serious prayers...his oxygen levels are very low at the moment and he is in constant need of oxygen...he's also having pains and just feeling very down and sad...he has been fighting so hard and his little body is just tired. Please pray for God to heal him and for Noah's and his family's comfort...they are all worried and just heartbroken. Keep them in your prayers...

Taylor still needs A LOT of prayers...she spiked a fever and is now back in the hospital. Please pray for her pain to go away, for her to get stronger and for her moods to lift. She is feeling weak, tired and sad...she has fought so hard for so long! Keep her family in your prayers too..

Dean's WINE party was pretty cool...there sure was A LOT of wine...I can't remember how many bottles...but me being the only non-wine drinker there, I was happy with my tropical passionfruit Breezers :) Yum! Most of the people at the party were friends of Dean and Karen...I knew most of them and had a nice time chatting with all them...they're all much older (late twenties to early thirties) so of course it was different sort of conversation but nevertheless interesting :) The best part of the whole night, or should I say the YUMMIEST part of the night was Dean's birthday cake! There wasn't really a proper "birthday cake"...but Karen did make a HUGE (and I mean HUGE) plate of tiramisu and that was meant to be his birthday cake...that has to be one of my favourite desserts. There were plenty of leftovers so I took some home with me :)

I'll be house-sitting for my cousin Gerald this weekend... he is now based (work) in Sydney and his wife, Ah Wan will be making a trip up to Sydney for a visit...so they needed someone to house-sit...I'm actually dog-sitting their dog, Demi, rather than house-sitting :) So tonight, Gerald & Ah Wan took me out to dinner and handed me the keys, gave me dog instructions etc. I've never house-sitted for anyone before so this will be interesting! I just hope I don't lose the dog...haha, just joking Gerald & Ah Wan :)

The weather today was pretty good...it was 16 degrees and sunny! I actually only needed ONE layer of clothing! I didn't walk out with a jumper! Had a long sleeved top on though, but it's still pretty amazing walking out without a jumper :) Hope it stays this way for awhile...although I can hear the gales outside at the moment...so I'm not sure if we'll be having sunny, "warmer" weather tomorrow.

Sounds like my washing machine is done...gotta hang out the laundry! I hope everyone had a safe 4th of July weekend/normal weekend...thanks for checking in!

Love, Janice

~Life's Tug Of War~

Life can seem ungrateful
and not always kind.

Life can pull at your heartstrings
and play with your mind.

Life can be blissful
and happy and free.

Life can put beauty
in the things that you see.

Life can place challenges
right at your feet.

Life can make good
of the hardships that we meet.

Life can overwhelm you
and make your head spin.

Life can reward those
determined to win.

Life can be hurtful
and not always fair.

Life can surround you
with people who care.

Life clearly does offer
its ups and its downs.

Life's days can bring you
both smiles and frowns.

Life teaches us to take
the good with the bad.

Life is a mixture
of happy and sad.

So...

Take the life that you have
and give it your best.

Think positive, be happy
let God do the rest.

Take the challenges
that life has laid at your feet.

Take pride and be thankful
for each one you meet.

To yourself give forgiveness
if you stumble and fall.

Take each day that is dealt you
and give it your all.

Take the love that you're given
and return it with care.

Have faith that when needed
it will always be there.

Take time to find the beauty
in the things that you see.

Take life's simple pleasures
let them set your heart free.

The idea here is simply
to even the score.

As you are met and faced with
Life's Tug Of War.

Author Unknown

Friday, July 4, 2003
~UPDATE 5th July~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN! Wine party here I come!! :)

I just wanted to ask everyone to PLEASE say some much needed extra prayers for little Taylor...she really isn't feeling good, she has lost a lot of weight, she's in A LOT of pain and just feeling very down and sad...please pray for her healing. Visit her site and send her a little note to cheer her up maybe...she could really use it! Thank you..

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE :)

It's a real bummer that we don't celebrate that here... otherwise we'd have LOTS of fireworks tonight...and I LOVE fireworks! I was so excited when we had the 2000 Olympics in Sydney a few years ago...we had SO MUCH fireworks then. A couple of years ago, my best friend Sharon and I were at the Moomba festival here in Melbourne...Moomba is this huge carnival we have once a year in the Alexandra Gardens in the city (next to the botanical gardens)..and it's a pretty big thing..it goes on for a whole weekend...lots of games, lots of rides, lots of fairy floss, lots of food, lots of people and the one thing I look forward to all the time are the fireworks!! So anyway, a couple of years ago, Sharon and I watched the fireworks display...and it was SO GOOD...by far one of the best fireworks display I've ever seen in my life...and we both said to ourselves that we just HAD to have fireworks at our weddings! Hahaha... which probably means we'd have to marry a couple of rich guys who had the money to pay for all the fireworks :)

Well, I didn't get to have lunch with Aunty Janet, Uncle Trevor and my cousin, Lalitha. I had actually made plans before to lend a couple of books to a friend...and I tried rearranging our meeting time but everything just clashed so I thought I had better take a raincheck on lunch and give her the books coz she really, desperately needed them...I haven't had the chance to speak to Lali yet but I heard she's doing all the touristy stuff! Great Ocean Road...Mount Hotham...Mount Dandenong...phew!

Tomorrow is Dean's 31st birthday...they have decided on a wine party!!! Where everyone has to bring their favourite wine...I got a little worried when Karen said it was a WINE party...coz I don't drink wine (don't think my taste buds have acquired the taste just yet!)...but I think I'm allowed to bring the drinks that I like...and one of Karen's friends doesn't drink at all so she'll bring like Coke or something...so that will be something different from wine...such a relief, now I won't look like the only fool not drinking wine :) Anyways, I can't believe Dean is already 31...he celebrated his 30th in KL last year and the only thing I remember was we had the best cheesecake EVER as his birthday cake :)

Tomorrow's gonna be 16 degrees! I'm actually looking forward to that...it's been COLD...so COLD lately...16 degrees kinda sounds warm to me :)

Hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July..and to the non-Americans, a happy and safe normal Friday!

Thanks for checking in :)

Love always,
Janice
XOXO

~Hold On~

There have been times in my life
when all seemed lost.
Life just wasn't worth living
through another day.
Then you need to remember things
that are important to you.

For as low as we fall there is always
something or someone, somewhere,
to help pull you back
from the deep pits of darkness.
Once you feel yourself slipping
grab on to that something or someone.

We wonder why life has given us such
a bad deal. This is not to question.
Love, Hope and Faith will guide us.
Look around and find the things
you need to live for.
If we look hard enough,
we will find the place we need to be.

Hold on for your loved ones,
hold on for yourself. God will take you
when he needs you. Until then
make the most of what you have.
Give the most that you can,
love the best you can,
And never lose hope.

Each morning you wake up
Thank God you are still alive,
to live another day to find your way.

Life is truly worth living for, if you look.
Find that place you need to be
And just hold on.

Ann Taylor

Wednesday, July 2, 2003
I wasn't gonna update tonight but I thought I might as well! I was searching around for some 4th of July borders and found a couple that I liked...so here is a special 4th of July border for my American friends :) Too bad we don't celebrate it here in the Land Down Under...we have Australia Day...but that's like in January...

I just saw an ad on TV for Australian Idol...I can't believe they are actually gonna do it! We didn't get Americal Idol here but I followed most of it through Entertainment Tonight and loved it...Kelly Clarkson rocks! Somehow I don't think Australian Idol would be as good as American Idol, but we'll see how it goes...I was watching previews of Junior American Idol on ET the other week and it looked so cool! Sometimes I think to myself that it really was for my own good that I didn't go to school in America...coz I would probably be sitting at home all day watching TV...you guys have so many channels and so many cool shows that I love! I'm already pretty much your common TV addict here in Melbourne, I don't know what would become of me if I was living in America. Haha.

My cousin from Queensland is arriving late tonight and I'll be seeing her tomorrow as we're having lunch with Aunty Janet and Uncle Trevor...it will be nice to catch up :)

I guess that's it for now...oh before I go, I just wanna say how happy I am with the news of Baby Jordan and Noah recently...those two are pure miracle babies! Jordan is now out of the hospital! GO JORDAN :) If you visit his website (link is above or below), please have a look at his photo album...he is so beautiful...those eyes!!!! I can't get over how magical his eyes are :) Also, please don't forget that baby Shanna's big day (transplant) is on Thursday...that's like TOMORROW! Pray all goes well for this little baby girl...please keep all these babies in your prayers...

Thanks to everyone who checks in and signs my guestbook, I love hearing from everyone...thank you for your prayers too :) Please keep visiting!

Lean On Me

As the road ahead seems rugged
and the path is getting steep,
I feel that I can't make it
so my heart begins to weep.

Then I turn to see who's coming
to join me on my way.
I see it is my Lord
and He slowly turns to say,

"Lean on me.....
when you have no strength to stand.
When you feel you're going under,
hold tighter to my hand.

Lean on me......
when your heart begins to bleed.
When you know I'm all you have,
then you'll find I'm all you need."

Then when I felt that no one cared
if I lived or died,
and no one bothered asking why
I'd go alone to cry.

When the burden got so heavy
I could barely face the day,
I felt His arms around me
as I gently heard Him say,

"Lean on me......
when you have no strength to stand.
When you feel you're going under,
hold tighter to my hand.

Lean on me......
when your heart begins to bleed.
When you come to know I'm all you have,
then you'll find I'm all you need."

~Author Unknown~

Tuesday, July 1, 2003
HAPPY JULY EVERYONE!

I can't believe July is here...half the year has gone by and it feels like yesterday was New Year's Day. I hate it when time flies so quickly...only a couple of days ago someone told me that time flies quicker when you are out of school...and I'm beginning to think that's true! My holidays used to fly by so quickly...and even now, time seems to be racing by. Before we know it, it'll be Christmas and then New Year's again.

Last week was recorded as Melbourne's coldest week of the year so far...that explains the gloomy weather! Not to mention why my heater was finally getting used :) I get so jealous of my Caringbridge families as nearly every page is talking about summer camps and beaches and hot summer weather! Ah well...only 3-4 months of cold weather left, I can take it! It was even raining a couple of days ago and I guess we had a fair bit of rain as the news said that our drought might finally be over and that water restrictions could be put on hold...YEAH! I can finally use a hose to wash my car! When water restrictions were on, I could only use a bucket!

Being a part of Caringbridge has really taught me a lot in the past 5 months...I have seen miracles and it has helped me restore so much of my hope and faith that I lost when my mum passed away. There is no doubt in my mind that I have been inspired by the kids at Caringbridge. If I was ever in need of just a little bit of inspiration, all I had to do was think of any one of them and they would inspire me in a second. But alongside the lessons that the kids teach me everyday, I have also been privileged and continue to be privileged to be taught by their parents. I have so much admiration for the parents at Caringbridge... their strength is amazing and I cannot even begin to describe the love that they have for their ill children. From their journals, their love shines through and I feel like I have been given the chance to step into their hearts for just one second, feeling the love they have for their child and the amazingly strong bond they have with each other. It really blows me away. I only hope that when it is my time to have children in the future, I will have all the strength they have and more. I would be lucky to even have half the strength that they do.

About a month ago, a little boy called Aristofanis passed away from the Sanfilippo Syndrome...can you imagine how devastated his parents felt? But then, tragedy hit again for this family...Aristofanis' older brother, Hermes, passed away last week from the same horrible disease. NOW, can you imagine how these little boys' parents feel? To lose one child is a tragedy...but to lose two? There are no words to describe it. The Koumpouras boys were brought to the United States from Greece in January, 2003 in hopes of saving their precious lives. But sadly, Savvas & Marianna are now returning to Greece with none of their children...my heart is broken for this little family...I don't know what it's like to have a child, let alone lose a child, but my heart has sunk right to the bottom and it's having trouble finding its way back up...please visit the Koumpouras boys' website and send a little note to Savvas and Marianna. Please keep them in your prayers and pray that God be with them always...

My Uncle Trevor sent me one of those forwarded emails today and I'd like to share it with you...

God Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes
Which God gave me to hold.

He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes
Both my joys and sorrows I stored.

But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused, "I wonder where my sorrows could be."
He smiled a gentle smile and said, "My child, they're all here with me."

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold, and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go."

We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you are thinking
of them and that they are a joy in your life:
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends

But the treasure inside for you to see.
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

Today I pass the friendship ball to you
Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you.

Never take your friends for granted...I consider them one of my many essentials in life...alongside, family, love, happiness and kindness.

Love, Janice

~*Caringbridge Kids*~
As always, please keep the Caringbridge kids in your everyday prayers..I have added a few other kids to my list as they are the ones who really need some extra prayers. As I go around Caringbridge and discover more and more kids who need serious prayers, it saddens me but at least I can help by spreading the word that they are in need of prayers...thank you for praying for every single one of them! Prayers can really work wonders...and you can see it in many of the kids...baby Noah and Jordan are prime examples :)

Baby Jordan- Baby Jordan will be discharged on Monday! YEAH!!! He has been all smiles lately and his parents are overjoyed. Pray all will continue to go well for Miracle Jordan.

Baby Noah-GOOD NEWS! Noah MAY BE discharged as an outpatient soon.. BUT he has just developed a bacteria in his blood stream which could possibly affect his shunt and this could be DANGEROUS..but they have redrawn his labs and are waiting for results to see if this bacteria growth is truly positive (it could be a fake positive)...PLEASE PRAY that it's negative!

Taylor- Little Taylor is now home! The pain is still there but they think her radiation is helping lessen the pain.. please pray for Taylor's pain to disappear and for her to be comfortable. She has been fighting this horrible disease most of her life and they have found new tumours in her bones. Please pray for her radiation to get rid of the tumours. She is a hard fighter and has been through a lot. Keep her family in your prayers.

Noah Jay- Noah has just developed a bacterial infection, please pray for this to go away...also please visit his site and leave his parents some word of support and encouragement, they really need it!

Manny- Little Manny's MRI came back with no change so that is good news...please pray for Manny's recovery and for him to be weaned of his meds as smoothly and comfortable as possible. Him and his family have been through so much, please keep them in your prayers.

Brittany- Pray that Brittany gets a good break from chemo and that she only gets stronger...she has been fighting VERY hard lately...

Baby Shanna- Please keep baby Shanna and her family in your prayers as they prepare for Shanna's bone marrow transplant on the 3rd of July. The days before and after transplant are the most harrowing days. Please pray that everything will go smoothly and also for Nathaniel, Shanna's big brother who is her donor.

Kody- Kody's CT scan came back with AWESOME news!!!! He can now have a normal unrestricted summer! Pray this lasts forever.

Nicoll Brothers- Douglas and Cameron have Sanfilippo Syndrome. They have both been transplanted and Douglas especially is not doing very well. Please keep them and their family in your prayers, they really need them!

Andrew- Andrew is 7 years old and has been fighting MPSIII-A nearly all his life. He has always been in great discomfort. Please pray for his comfort and for his family.

~**Kids who have just undergone transplant**~
Chassidy
Priyanka
Max

Please pray for these kids and the many others who have just undergone a bone marrow transplant. The 100 days post-transplant are the most critical. They need all the prayers they can get!

Also, please don't forget our little angels who aren't here with us today...namely our most recent angels- Angel Colby, Angel Anthony, Angel Ryan and Angel Jalen- it is never easy for a family who has lost a loved one, child or adult...please pray for strength, peace and comfort to be with their family and friends.

Thank you for praying for these kids...you are not only praying for them but also for their families and they are all very appreciative and grateful. If you have the time, please visit their sites and leave them a note. It will certainly help brighten their day!

Sunday, June 29, 2003
I just got off my weekly phone conversation with dad (we talk every Sunday nights) and well, Adrian just seems to be having a ball back in KL...eating of course!!!! That's one of the many things that I really miss about home... THE FOOD!!! Before Adrian left, he kept talking about all the food he would get to eat when he got home and I just kept telling him to be quiet. Hahaha. Every Friday nights in KL, we have dinner with my dad's brothers...and we always have SO MUCH food! And not just food...really good, yummy food...I miss that so much!

It was also my eldest aunty's 60th birthday yesterday and she had a big dinner celebration with family...HAPPY BIRTHDAY Aunty Peggy...I hope it was special :) Last night I was telling a friend about my cousin Sharon's kids...Chloe is 3 1/2 and Stephen is 4 1/2. They are both the biggest cuties...the past few times I was back in KL for holidays I had the chance to spend some time with them...when you grow older and obviously tend to mix with people your own age (ie: adults), you tend to forget what it's like to be with little kids...and I just found it so fun and amusing to be around them...they are so curious and so full of funny and clever comments. Once, Chloe and Stephen were at my house in KL for a visit...and mum decided to trim her nails...so she sat on the floor with her nail clipper and everything ready...and both Chloe and Stephen were so amused that they layed down on the floor at my mum's toes and just watched her clip her toe nails...it was the cutest picture!!! I should've taken a photo :) So yeah, last night I was just remembering those two cuties and realised how I really miss them! I hope I get to see them soon when I get back to KL.

Also, dad said that my Aunty Maureen was in an accident recently...THANKFULLY she is okay but her car's condition is pretty bad...I hate hearing about accidents let alone someone in my family being in an accident..I am really thanking God that she's okay...and like Dean's case last week, I am sure my mum was watching over her...mum really is a guardian angel to all of us now :)

A few days ago, I found a flower calender (Year 2002) by the telephone and one look at it, I knew that it was mum's. No one in the family would've bought it...mum was such a girly kinda woman...she loved flowers, she loved cooking, she loved cross-stitching and she loved gardening...so I knew that the flower calender was hers...I flipped through it and noticed there were writings on certain dates...and I recognised it as mum's writing...she had really nice handwriting...very girly with little curves and everything. So anyway, in the calender I noticed that she had written the dates to her chemo treatments...and then I flipped furthur and found she had marked the date of Karen's wedding-to-be at that time...and by that date she put a cute little star next to it...for some reason, just looking at mum's writing and knowing that she had written in the dates to her chemo treatment just brought tears to my eyes...my mood instantly dimmed and I felt sadness overwhelm my heart yet again. My mind just raced with thoughts of mum...I mean, not a day goes by where I don't think of her, but on certain days I think of her more...and looking at her writing just brought so many memories of her illness rushing back. When mum was ill, she really hated chemo... who wouldn't. She hated it so much, she dreaded her chemo days...and just looked forward SO MUCH for it to be over with...she had such amazing strength. One day she would be having chemo and the next day after chemo she would be out shopping!! So many times I said to her "Mum, are you sure you should be going out shopping? You should rest" and she would be like "No, I'm fine, I'm going SHOPPING!"...and that was what she was like...she just looked forward to finishing chemo and then doing the things that she loved... how I admire her strength :)

So many people have said, not just to me, but to everyone who has lost a loved one, that as time goes by things will get easier...well time has gone by and it hasn't gotten easier for me...a lot of the time, I feel like 9 months later it is even harder than it was 9 months ago. Even though it hasn't gotten easier for me, I do believe that SOME day it will...it could be in 2 years, 5 years, maybe 20 years. Who knows? I guess everyone grieves differently and everyone has varying grieving periods. I just don't think that I have finished grieving...I still can't talk about my mum's illness or her death without wanting to breakdown and cry...whenever someone talks about her and recalls the happy or heartbreaking moments with her, tears still well up and there is a 99.99 percent chance that I will start crying...I still feel the pain so clearly... it starts with emotional pain and then turns into this horrible physical pain..I literally feel my heart ache. Of course a lot of the times, I try and lift my spirits and get myself out of the deep and sad mood that I'm in by thinking of the happy memories and of mum cancer-free in Heaven...it really was for the best...when you see a loved one suffering, as much as you want them to stay with you, you also long for God to just give them their angel wings so they can finally be free of pain and suffering...and towards the end of my mum's journey, I wished that for her so many times...I prayed to God so often, to just take her if she was gonna be suffering for so long...the most heartbreaking thing was to watch her get weaker and weaker and slowly fade away. There was nothing that we could do about it. The cancer had a mind of its own. A couple of weeks before mum passed away, one of my uncles told me that- "Cancer is horrible. It eats away at you...you could be the most capable person, but cancer can take all that away from you. It takes your dignity away from you". And how true that is. Both my grandparents had cancer...and all of what my uncle said to me happened to both my grandparents and to my mum. Mum was the most capable woman ever...she could do anything and everything...but once the cancer hit...it took all of her ability away from her. And that was probably one of the hardest things for mum to face...in the last months of her life, to know that she was very ill was one thing to face...but to gradually discover that she couldn't do the things she love, eat the things she love, or even to do the most simple things like walking and talking, or adjusting the pillow behind her head, or dressing herself, just made it all harder on her mentally.

I watched Bruce Almighty on the weekend and in it, Jim Carrey was given the power to be God. Oh how I wish I had the power to be God for just one day!!!! I would heal everyone (kids and adults)with cancer and I would make sure that no one would ever get stricken with cancer. Yeah...if only.

It's really not easy grieving the lost of a loved one, especially when that loved one is your mother...it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do...how can you give someone 21 years with their mother and then suddenly just take her away? It's not fair. Life is never fair. I have so many questions for God...all of the answers I know I will never find until it is my time...but for now, I am happy with grieving in my own time, trying to understand my life again without my mum...

About a month ago I read "Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul" and it had so many quotes and stories in there which helped me...so I'd like to share some of them with you, especially to those who are currently grieving and who have lost a dearly loved one.

My Grief is Like a River

My grief is like a river-
I have to let it flow,
But I myself determine
Just where the banks will go.

Some days the current takes me
In waves of guilt and pain,
But there are always quiet pools
Where I can rest again.

I crash on rocks of anger-
My faith seems faith indeed,
But there are other swimmers
Who know that what I need

Are loving hands to hold me
When the waters are too swift,
And someone kind to listen
When I just seem to drift.

Grief's river is a process
Of relinquishing the past.
By swimming in hope's channels
I'll reach the shore at last.

~Cynthia G. Kelley~

I would say to those who mourn...look
upon each day that comes as a challenge, as
a test of courage. The pain will come in
waves, some days worse than others, for no
apparent reason. Accept the pain. Do not
suppress it. Never attempt to hide grief.

~Daphne du Maurier~

Sorrow

In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all,
and it often comes with bitter agony.
Perfect relief is not possible,
except with time.
You cannot now believe that you will ever feel better.
But this is not true.
You are sure to be happy again.
Knowing this,
truly believing it,
will make you less miserable now.
I have had enough experience to make this statement.

~Abraham Lincoln~

I love that last passage. It's one of my favourites and I've asked myself to live by that.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

Love & hugs, Janice

~*Caringbridge Kids*~
As always, please keep the Caringbridge kids in your everyday prayers..I have added a few other kids to my list as they are the ones who really need some extra prayers. As I go around Caringbridge and discover more and more kids who need serious prayers, it saddens me but at least I can help by spreading the word that they are in need of prayers...thank you for praying for every single one of them! Prayers can really work wonders...and you can see it in many of the kids...baby Noah and Jordan are prime examples :)

Brittany- Pray that Brittany gets a good break from chemo and that she only gets stronger...she has been fighting VERY hard lately...

Baby Jordan- Baby Jordan will be discharged on Monday! YEAH!!! He has been all smiles lately and his parents are overjoyed. Pray all will continue to go well for Miracle Jordan.

Baby Noah-Noah's parents are finally able to hold their baby again. Pray that precious Noah continues to remain stable. He is amazing everyone with his progress. Pray for his donor cells to keep growing!

Taylor- Little Taylor is now home! The pain is still there but they think her radiation is helping lessen the pain.. please pray for Taylor's pain to disappear and for her to be comfortable. She has been fighting this horrible disease most of her life and they have found new tumours in her bones. Please pray for her radiation to get rid of the tumours. She is a hard fighter and has been through a lot. Keep her family in your prayers.

Baby Shanna- Please keep baby Shanna and her family in your prayers as they prepare for Shanna's bone marrow transplant on the 3rd of July. The days before and after transplant are the most harrowing days. Please pray that everything will go smoothly and also for Nathaniel, Shanna's big brother who is her donor.

Kody- Kody's CT scan came back with AWESOME news!!!! He can now have a normal unrestricted summer! Pray this lasts forever.

Nicoll Brothers- Douglas and Cameron have Sanfilippo Syndrome. They have both been transplanted and Douglas especially is not doing very well. Please keep them and their family in your prayers, they really need them!

Noah Jay- Noah is a young boy with Leukemia and after fighting hard for 6 months, he recently relapsed a couple of weeks ago. He is going through intensive chemo and they are now considering putting a feeding tube in him. He really needs A LOT of prayers. His family could also use some support and encouragement. They are feeling very down.

Andrew- Andrew is 7 years old and has been fighting MPSIII-A nearly all his life. He has always been in great discomfort. Please pray for his comfort and for his family.

Manny- Little Manny is still having a very rough time. He is having severe withdrawals from his meds. Him and his family have been through so much, please keep them in your prayers.

~**Kids who have just undergone transplant**~
Chassidy
Priyanka
Max

Please pray for these kids and the many others who have just undergone a bone marrow transplant. The 100 days post-transplant are the most critical. They need all the prayers they can get!

Also, please don't forget our little angels who aren't here with us today...namely our most recent angels- Angel Colby, Angel Anthony, Angel Ryan and Angel Jalen- it is never easy for a family who has lost a loved one, child or adult...please pray for strength, peace and comfort to be with their family and friends.

Thank you for praying for these kids...you are not only praying for them but also for their families and they are all very appreciative and grateful. If you have the time, please visit their sites and leave them a note. It will certainly help brighten their day!

Friday, June 27, 2003
*~NEW PHOTOS ADDED~*

I just got home from Karen's & Dean's anniversary gathering :) It was only a really small party...just Dean's family and me. And it was also a pizza party! MmmMMmm pizza! I had the yummiest pizza...we ordered the normal, usual pizzas (Hawaiian, Capriciosa etc.) and also a couple of gourmet pizzas which were soooo delish! There was one in particular but I can't remember the name. (Geez, that helps!) Also took some photos so hopefully I will get them developed soon and scanned.

I only found out that Nina (Dean's mum) and Allison (Dean's sister) are going to the Dixie Chicks' concert!!! I was so jealous...they are having a ONE NIGHT ONLY performance and I don't exactly wanna get tickets coz I'm not sure if I will be in Melbourne at the time of the concert (late September)or in KL. Ahhh, but I wish I was going...I love the Dixie Chicks! I also didn't get to see Allison tonight as she was working late...what a bumma! I haven't seen her in awhile and was looking forward to having a chat with her, but missed her...

My cousin, Lalitha, is coming down from Queensland next weekend...so it will be good to catch up with her :) Her mum is one of my mum's closest sisters (mum has 6 sisters) and Lalitha is a year younger than me and we grew up together and spent nearly every weekend at each other's houses when we were younger. We had a lot of fun :) Since I've been living in Melbourne (it's been nearly 7 years now!), we haven't really had the chance to hang out or be close. So it will be good to see her in Melbourne!

I guess that's all for today...not much else to report except that it's FREEZING! I just saw the weather report and the maximum for the whole of next week will be 14 degrees...my poor dad is not gonna be liking Melbourne's weather when he gets here!!! The good thing is we have electric blankets...they help SOOO much at nights!!! I don't know what I'd do without one :)

I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend...thanks for checking in and please leave me a message so I know you came by :)

Love, Janice

~*Caringbridge Kids*~
As always, please keep the Caringbridge kids in your everyday prayers..I have added a few other kids to my list as they are the ones who really need some extra prayers. As I go around Caringbridge and discover more and more kids who need serious prayers, it saddens me but at least I can help by spreading the word that they are in need of prayers...thank you for praying for every single one of them! Prayers can really work wonders...and you can see it in many of the kids...baby Noah and Jordan are prime examples :)

Brittany- Pray that Brittany gets a good break from chemo and that she only gets stronger...she has been fighting VERY hard lately...

Baby Jordan- Pray that the miracle continues for precious Jordan...he has been getting 2-hour passes to go home. If all continues to go well, he will be discharged!

Baby Noah- Pray that precious Noah continues to remain stable. He is amazing everyone with his progress. Pray for his donor cells to keep growing!

Taylor- Little Taylor has just been re-admitted to hospital because of fever. This little girl has been fighting this horrible disease most of her life and she is now in a great amount of pain. They have found new tumours in her bones. Please pray for her comfort and for her chemo to get rid of the tumours. She is a hard fighter and has been through a lot. Keep her family in your prayers.

Baby Shanna- Please keep baby Shanna and her family in your prayers as they prepare for Shanna's bone marrow transplant on the 3rd of July. The days before and after transplant are the most harrowing days. Please pray that everything will go smoothly and also for Nathaniel, Shanna's big brother who is her donor.

Kody- Kody's CT scan came back with AWESOME news!!!! He can now have a normal unrestricted summer! Pray this lasts forever.

Nicoll Brothers- Douglas and Cameron have Sanfilippo Syndrome. They have both been transplanted and Douglas especially is not doing very well. Please keep them and their family in your prayers, they really need them!

Noah Jay- Noah is a young boy with Leukemia and after fighting hard for 6 months, he recently relapsed a couple of weeks ago. He is going through intensive chemo and really needs prayers. His family also needs prayers and they could use some support and encouragement.

Andrew- Andrew is 7 years old and has been fighting MPSIII-A nearly all his life. He has always been in great discomfort. Please pray for his comfort and for his family.

Manny- Little Manny is currently in PICU but he is ready to return to the bone marrow unit! He has been doing extremely well, breathing on his own with little oxygen support. Him and his family have been through so much, please keep them in your prayers.

~**Kids who have just undergone transplant**~
Chassidy
Priyanka
Max

Please pray for these kids and the many others who have just undergone a bone marrow transplant. The 100 days post-transplant are the most critical. They need all the prayers they can get!

Also, please don't forget our little angels who aren't here with us today...namely our most recent angels- Angel Colby, Angel Anthony, Angel Ryan and Angel Jalen- it is never easy for a family who has lost a loved one, child or adult...please pray for strength, peace and comfort to be with their family and friends.

Thank you for praying for these kids...you are not only praying for them but also for their families and they are all very appreciative and grateful. If you have the time, please visit their sites and leave them a note. It will certainly help brighten their day!

Wednesday, June 25, 2003
**~Update: June 26th~**
Please, please, please say an extra prayer for little Taylor... her bone scan just came back with new tumours and she is in SO MUCH pain... please pray the chemo she is having will get rid of those nasty tumours or at least shrink it and please pray for her pain to go away...she needs some serious prayers!!!

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! Little Kody who had his brain scan yesterday went home with the most AWESOME news ever! In fact, his mum said that his scan yesterday was the best scan ever since the beginning of his whole journey! Everything is looking good for Kody and the doctors have asked him to enjoy his summer with NO restrictions- he can do anything and everything he wants! This is such good news...I am so happy for the Kruppenbacher family...this is one of the best parts of being apart of Caringbridge...the good news is always GREAT...and it's always better when you get to share all that joy and happiness with the family. It truly restores your faith, hope and even beliefs in miracles and such. Please continue to keep Kody and his family in your prayers! Thanks!

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Today is such a nice day in Melbourne...weather wise that is! The past couple of days Melbourne has been getting some VERY nice weather...it's still cold (about 13 degrees) but the sun has been out and it hasn't been gloomy at all :) Just my kind of weather! I miss spring a lot...I miss not having to wear a jumper or a sweater all day, I wiss wearing skirts! I miss wearing flip flops! I miss lying by the pool! I guess I'm a very summer person that's all :)

Since the sun was shining I decided to take a walk to the supermarket to get some much needed groceries. I haven't been since Adrian flew back to KL...I survived with whatever food was left in the apartment and so decided to replenish my very bare fridge and pantry :) It makes such a difference doing grocery shopping on a week day! Usually during the semester I do grocery shopping on the weekend (Saturdays or Sundays) coz that's when I have the time... but now that the semester's finished I can basically do it whenever I want. And today, the supermarket was so empty... and craze-free! It's just always unbelievably chaotic during the weekend...lines are long, not enough trolleys...too many people! Okay I'll stop complaining for now :)

This Saturday (28th June) will be Karen's & Dean's 1st year wedding anniversary...I can't believe it! How time flies...in some ways it hardly feels like it's been a year but in so many other ways, it feels like it's been more than a year... this time last year we were all frantic with last minute preparations for their wedding...there was a lot of running around, phone calls etc. Also, this time last year we were at Karen's final dress fitting at Mariana Hardwick (the best designer ever!)...and it was pretty exciting. I think it really hit me then that my big sister was getting married...and it hit mum that her oldest daughter was finally getting married...I think of the couple of months before Karen's wedding last year and even though mum didn't show too much of it because her condition was slowly getting worse, I know she must've been so excited for Karen. In my heart, I just know that mum was hanging on as long as she could to be there for Karen's wedding...all she wanted was to see her first daughter get married and I am so incredibly happy she got that chance. Mum looked spectacular on Karen's wedding day...she had been in the hospital for a couple of days before the wedding to drain fluid out from her stomach (it had been building up)..and she felt so much more comfortable. She couldn't walk too much but just sitting down at the wedding and the dinner reception, she was really happy. Anyway so on Friday night, Karen & Dean are having a little celebration at their house. So I'll post more on how it went later in the week...

I spoke to Aunty Janet a couple of days ago and she said she had spoken to my grand uncle who lives in Johor, Malaysia... he has been fighting prostate cancer for awhile now and the update is he hasn't gotten better or worse...which is good in a way, at least he isn't getting worse! I haven't seen him in a long time...he couldn't make it to Karen's wedding in KL last year which was a pity...the thing is because of his condition he has to go to the toilet VERY, VERY often...that is why going anywhere is a huge problem for him, let alone travelling! Also recently he's been having abdominal pains...please keep him in your prayers. Even though I haven't seen him in a long time I always keep him in my prayers...my mum was his favourite niece...

I hope everyone is having a great week...enjoy today, worry about tomorrow tomorrow!

Hugs, Janice
XOXOXO

~*Caringbridge Kids*~
As always, please keep the Caringbridge kids in your everyday prayers...these are only a few of them, there are hundreds more, thousands more who need prayers...

Brittany- Pray that Brittany gets a good break from chemo and that she only gets stronger...she has been fighting VERY hard lately...

Baby Jordan- Pray that the miracle continues for precious Jordan...he has been getting 2-hour passes to go home. If all continues to go well, he will be discharged!

Baby Noah- Pray that precious Noah continues to remain stable. He is amazing everyone with his progress. Pray for his donor cells to keep growing!

Taylor- Little Taylor has just been re-admitted to hospital because of fever. This little girl has been fighting this horrible disease most of her life and she is now in a great amount of pain...please pray for her comfort and for the doctors to not find any new tumours. She is a hard fighter and has been through a lot. Keep her family in your prayers.

Baby Shanna- Please keep baby Shanna and her family in your prayers as they prepare for Shanna's bone marrow transplant on the 3rd of July. The days before and after transplant are the most harrowing days. Please pray that everything will go smoothly and also for Nathaniel, Shanna's big brother who is her donor.

Kody- Little Kody will be having his CT scan today, please pray that he will do great and that there is only GOOD NEWS! This little boy has gone through so much with brain surgery. And he has the most loving and caring family. His mum is a real sweetheart (yes, you are Kim!)!!!

~**Kids who have just undergone transplant**~
Chassidy
Priyanka
Max

Please pray for these kids and the many others who have just undergone a bone marrow transplant. The 100 days post-transplant are the most critical. They need all the prayers they can get!

Also, please don't forget our little angels who aren't here with us today...namely our most recent angels- Angel Colby, Angel Anthony, Angel Ryan and Angel Jalen- it is never easy for a family who has lost a loved one, child or adult...please pray for strength, peace and comfort for their family and friends.

Thank you for praying for these kids...you are not only praying for them but also for their families and they are all very appreciative and grateful. If you have the time, please visit their sites and leave them a note. It will certainly help brighten their day!

Sunday, June 22, 2003
**~June 23rd Update~**
I just added another angel to my angel list above...Bella was a little 2 1/2 year old girl from Canada whose journey I followed for a little while...she fought so hard for so long but was finally called to Heaven. Even though it has been a few months since she passed away, her family still needs all the prayers they can get.

If you would like me to add an angel to my angel list, please feel free to let me know (through email or my guestbook), I will be more than happy to :)

Just got home today from my weekend trip and I am so tired!
I couldn't go to sleep without checking in on some of my Caringbridge families of course...I have been so busy with finals lately that I haven't been able to leave regular messages to so many of them. So tonight, I sat myself down and did all the catching up...AND I only got halfway through!!! Ever since I started following the kids on Caringbridge, my list has just grown SO MUCH...I started out with 5 kids (my "adopted" ones) and now I have about 65 kids and 20 angels that I follow and leave messages to! WOW! I didn't think I followed THAT many but I just did a whole count of them under my "bookmarks" and yep there are that many... of course there are the ones who need more encouragement than others...but all in all, they are kids and they are going through the most horrible and difficult things in their lives, so they really do need all the words of love, support and encouragement possible. Sometimes I wish I had discovered Caringbridge when my mum was still here...because then I would've set up this website much earlier for her and she would've really, really appreciated the words of encouragement...I'm sure it would have lifted her spirits on many of her "down" days...

Tonight, Adrian flew back to KL for winter break...he will be away for a month or so...I think it is good that he's going home for the holidays. I know it will be good for dad and dad wouldn't mind his company. I know dad misses us and we haven't seen him in 3 months...Adrian actually had a choice of whether to stay in Melbourne for winter break or head back to Malaysia. When Adrian told me that dad has asked him what he would like to do, I knew that dad would've liked Adrian to fly home...I said to Adrian that of course dad isn't going to force you to fly home but if he asked you it probably means that he would really like it if you went home for the holidays!!! :) Even though we will be seeing dad in just over a month (he will be in Melbourne in August for my graduation), I just know that dad would be happy to see Adrian before that. And in his last email he even said he was looking forward to having Adrian home. I wouldn't have minded flying home either but I have quite a lot to do with my PR application, so I figured I would stay here and get it all sorted out...

Dean (my brother in law) had an accident on Wednesday night...thankfully he is okay and nothing happened to him. His car on the other hand is pretty badly smashed up...things like that really scare me...driving can be one of the most dangerous activities..and to hear of accidents and how people are affected from car accidents just scares me. It can happen to anyone. Dean is so lucky to not have been hurt. Maybe mum was watching over him and made sure he was okay!

Well it is late...I hope everyone had a great weekend, I sure did! :)

Love, Janice

~*Caringbridge Kids*~
As always, please keep the Caringbridge kids in your everyday prayers...these are only a few of them, there are hundreds more, thousands more who need prayers...

Brittany
Baby Jordan
Baby Noah

Thursday, June 19, 2003
~**Baby Noah update**~
Little Noah seems to have made some progress! He was extubated with no problems and is breathing on his own (with the help of LITTLE oxygen). His donor cells are also growing! GROW CELLS GROW! This little family has been through so much this year...they are so thrilled with this good news as it brings them so much hope for their little baby. If you read their journals you can really sense the depth of their endless unconditional love for their son. It's amazing. Noah is a miracle! Please pray for him to make furthur progress and for his family to only get GOOD NEWS from today.

FINALS ARE OVER!!!!!!! PHEW!!! I am so relieved...and happy...and excited...and just...HAPPY... :)

You know how you build something up so much and you get so excited and happy anticipating it that when it finally comes...you just go "was that it?" and then feel somewhat disappointed? Well I had about 10 minutes of that today when I finished my last exam. I mean, the past couple of weeks I have been SO excited to be finishing...not just because it'll be my last exam FOREVER and EVER but just the thought of never having to study all day and night, being able to watch TV whenever I want, being able to go out with my friends without feeling guilty...I was so happy and looking forward to it. But today at 12.30pm when the guy at the exam said "all pens down"...I just felt...nothing...well, not really nothing, but I didn't feel overly EXCITED or HAPPY...I guess I was just a little worried on how I might've done on the paper or the paper yesterday...but then I got home today after a LONG day and it hit me that I didn't have to hit the books after dinner, or not watch Big Brother tonight because of all the study I had to do...and then I really started to feel excited, happy and most of all relieved :) I just can't believe it's over...I hate this part- the waiting game...where I have to wait for results of finals to come in. I am just worried that if I don't make it, I won't be able to graduate and I REALLY want to graduate more than anything...so I shouldn't be too pessimistic! Positive thoughts all around!

Adrian will be flying back to KL on Sunday (the 22nd) for winter break...gosh, a whole month without him in the apartment...I wonder what that will be like...QUIET and... less messy, that's for sure :) Hehe. So today we went to get his plane ticket from Aunty Janet (because she made the booking for him) and it was really nice to see Aunty Janet and Uncle Trevor again...the last time we saw them was at Easter! They bought Adrian and I a cake to celebrate the end of finals...how sweet! We all had a nice chat and catch up over orange poppy seed cake, coffee and tea. Then Aunty Janet shared some of her cooking tips... Adrian asked her if she could suggest any different dishes we could try and cook...and she mentioned so many that my mum used to cook...I had temporarity forgotten all about those dishes because it's been a long time that we've been without mum's cooking. There are so many things I miss about mum but one of them would definitely be her cooking. Mum was the best cook ever (along with my sister Karen and a few of my aunties-Aunty Janet, Aunty Ellie, Auntie Pauline!)...I miss so many of the dishes she used to make that I used to love...now that Aunty Janet reminded me of some of them, I think I might just try cooking a couple of them now that finals are over and I have all this time on my hands :) Let's all just hope it turns into something at least resembling my mum's cooking!

Now that finals are over, I have to work on my Australian Permanent Residency (PR) application and hopefully I'll lodge it soon without too much hassle and it'll get approved in no time. Please cross your fingers :) I'll also have to start catching up with all my Caringbridge families...I've virtually disappeared from so many of my kids' sites the past couple of weeks because of finals...I apologise! But I'm back, so look out! :)

Before I go, I just wanna say THANK YOU to Kellie (Jacob's mum) for the books...I FINALLY GOT THEM!!! YAY!!! Thanks, Kellie.. you have no idea what you have done for me and what it means to me. Just so everyone knows what I'm talking about, about a month or so ago, I found Kellie on Caringbridge and got to know her a little better. Like me, Kellie lost her mum at 21, and I felt like we could relate so much. She told me about this book that she read which was brilliant. It's called "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman. On the front cover of the book it says "A courageous journey into the heart of a woman's most profoundly life-altering passage..." Which is absolutely more than true. Losing your mother is life-altering and MORE. I haven't had the chance to start reading it yet (I only got it yesterday!!!) but I just know that this book is going to help me A LOT. So anyway, when Kellie told me about the book, I went searching high and low for it around Melbourne but couldn't get my hands on a copy. Thankfully, Kelly was so kind enough to order it from Amazon.com and got them to ship it off to me. THANK YOU, THANK YOU KELLIE :)

The loss of the daughter to the mother,
the mother to the daughter, is the
essential female tragedy.

~Adrienne Rich~

Also, thanks to everyone who has signed my guestbook.. please continue to do so. I just love reading your entries and appreciate all of your kind words :) They mean so much! It's amazing how the simplest of words can brighten up your day...THANK YOU!

I'll be away on a weekend trip...but I'll be back Monday to post! So in advance, I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!

Love & hugs, Janice
XOXO

~*Caringbridge Kids*~
Please say some extra prayers for Brittany. She has been on a huge rollercoaster ride and is feeling very lousy...she REALLY needs a lot of prayers.

Baby Jordan is the meaning of miracle. He is now breathing room air and doesn't even need oxygen! He has been making such great progress that everyone is such in awe of him...if things go just as well as they have been, he will be discharged early next week. Please keep Jordan and his family in your prayers. This lil baby is a sure fighter!

As for baby Noah, he could use some extra prayers right now. Noah was extubated a few days ago but the good news only lasted a short time before he had to be reintubated. He just had an MRI, so please pray that it comes back with good news and there has been no brain stem damage. Extra prayers for baby Noah wouldn't hurt.

Sunday, June 15, 2003
I FOUND IT!!! I found the verse that my mum read to me before finals in June last year :) Well, actually a friend helped me out...THANK YOU SO MUCH, Leah...you have no idea how much this means to me. Okay, so here is the verse that mum read to me just before finals so that I'd be calm and I'd do well...

~*PSALM 1*~
Verse 1-3
Happy are those
who do not follow the advice
of the wicked,
or take the path that sinners tread,
or sit in the seat of scoffers;
but their delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law they meditate
day and night.
They are like trees planted by streams of water,
which yield their fruit in its season,
and their leaves do not wither.
In all that they do, they prosper.

Well I feel much better having found the verse now. Mum sat with me last year, held my hand and read this prayer. And on Wednesday before my 1st paper I will imagine her holding my hand, reading to me this prayer. THANK YOU again Leah :) Also, thank you to a few others who have tried helping me find the verse (Aunty Janet especially!).

I would also like to share a couple of other verses that a friend shared with me a few days ago. They have now become one of my favourites :)

~*ISAIAH 43*~
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name,
you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they
shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

~*PROVERBS 3*~
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own insight.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

Thanks Jen for these beautiful verses :)

FOUR days till I am finals-free. Which also means stress-free and craze-free! And then it will be approximately 2 months till graduation...if you've gone to my guestbook and read my dad's message, he suggested that it could be a good time to visit some of my Caringbridge families in the US. That would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good...I have so many people that I would LOVE to meet. In the last few years, I have been really aching to make another visit to America...all the visits that I have made before have given me great memories! My first trip to the USA was in 1986 (if I'm not mistaken) when I was 5 years old...mum and dad took Karen and I to Disneyworld in Florida (Adrian was still a baby so he had to stay home with my grandma...awww!). My second trip to the USA was in 1992 when I was 11 years old...this time our whole family went including one of my many cousins, Sunita. We went to California and went to Disneyland there...and we also made a trip down to Tijuana. I would love to go to New York and Las Vegas and visit my cousin in Denver. I think a road trip will be a good idea!!! But we'll see what happens :)

~*Caringbridge Kids*~
Please say some extra prayers for Brittany. She has been on a huge rollercoaster ride and is feeling very lousy...she REALLY needs a lot of prayers.

Baby Jordan is the meaning of miracle. He is now breathing room air and doesn't even need oxygen! He has been making such great progress that everyone is such in awe of him...if things go just as well as they have been, he will be discharged early next week. Please keep Jordan and his family in your prayers. This lil baby is a sure fighter!

As for baby Noah, he could use some extra prayers right now. Noah was extubated a few days ago but the good news only lasted a short time before he had to be reintubated. He just had an MRI, so please pray that it comes back with good news and there has been no brain stem damage. Extra prayers for baby Noah wouldn't hurt.

~*Saturday, June 14th Update~*
I know tomorrow is Father's Day all around the world but for some reason, Australia only celebrates Father's Day in September. But since everyone else is celebrating it tomorrow, I thought I would leave my dad a special poem anyway :)

A Dad is a person who is loving and kind,
And often he knows what you have on your mind.
He's someone who listens, suggests, and defends.
A dad can be one of your very best friends!
He's proud of your triumphs,
but when things go wrong,
A dad can be patient and helpful and strong
In all that you do, a dad's love plays a part.
There's always a place for him deep in your heart.
And each year that passes, you're even more glad,
More grateful and proud just to call him your dad!
Thank you, Dad...
for listening and caring, for giving and sharing,
but, especially, for just being you!
Happy Father's Day.

~~Author Unknown.~~

*~Thursday, June 12th Update~*
I just got an email telling me that Colby Cole passed away early this morning. I am in so much shock. Colby is one of my five "adopted" kids and he and a few others are the very first kids whose journeys I followed when I first discovered Caringbridge. Over the months, I have become very attached to him and his family. Colby had JMML and he inspired me in so many ways. Please go to his site and offer his parents, Jack & Laura, and his little brother Cameron some words of love, support and encouragement. They are the most loving family and Jack & Laura are the most amazing parents. They are such nice and wonderful people. Awhile ago, Jack crowned me Colby's "fairygodmother". I can't believe Colby's gone... it just seems so sudden...no one saw it coming. This month has been so full of sadness from so many kids becoming angels. I wish it would all stop. I was meant to sent Colby a gift a few weeks ago but got too busy with classes and preparing for finals. I promised him I'd send the gift after my exams...now he won't even know what I wanted to give him. Dear God, please take care of precious Colby in Heaven. He was so special to so many and especially to me. I think of Heaven as this one huge city where everyone knows everyone. And I just know that my mum would've met Colby by now.

Dearest Colby, I am so sorry you didn't get to see my gift. I will always remember your gorgeous smiling face and BEAUTIFUL smile. You are free now, sweetie. Fly high and say hi to my mum for me...

Jack & Laura, my heart breaks for you...we all know how special Colby was and what a miracle he was.

Everyone, please keep the Cole family in your prayers.

Love Colby's fairygodmother,
Janice

Being There

Do you know of someone
Whose precious child has died?
Perhaps she is a neighbour or friend
With whom you can confide.
You assume that she is suffering
A tragedy so deep,
That there is nothing you can do
Since all she does is weep.
You feel that if you see her
There is nothing you can say
That would make her precious child come back
Or make the pain go away.
And if by chance you meet her
And have to face her grief,
You'll do your very best
To make this meeting brief.
You'll talk about the weather
Or the lady down the lane,
But you'll never mention her child-
That would cause her too much pain!
And when the funeral's over,
And all is said and done,
You'll go home to your family,
And she'll be all alone.
She'll go on, she'll be all right, time heals-
Or so it seems,
While she's left alone to pick up the pieces
Of her shattered life and dreams.

~OR~

You can open up your heart
And find that special place
Where compassion and true giving
Are awaiting your embrace.
"Today I'm thinking of you in a very special way,"
Or, how about "I love you!"
Are some loving things to say.
Sometimes a very simple task
Like picking up the phone,
Can help her feel not-so-quite
Desperately alone.
Whatever comes from a genuine heart
Cannot be said in vain
For the truth is, it's these very things
That lessen her great pain.
And when you let her talk about
Her child who is now dead,
You'll know this is far greater
Than anything you've said.
So will you reach out with all your soul
And let her know you care?
For in the end there's no substitute
For simply BEING THERE!

Debi L. Pettigrew

Thursday, June 12, 2003
~*Caringbridge Kids*~
Baby Jordan is the meaning of miracle. He is now breathing room air and doesn't even need oxygen! He has been making such great progress that everyone is such in awe of him...if things go just as well as they have been, he will be discharged early next week. Please keep Jordan and his family in your prayers. This lil baby is a sure fighter!

As for baby Noah, he could use some extra prayers right now. Noah was extubated a few days ago but the good news only lasted a short time before he had to be reintubated. He just had an MRI, so please pray that it comes back with good news and there has been no brain stem damage. Extra prayers for baby Noah wouldn't hurt.

~*Saturday, June 14th Update~*
I know tomorrow is Father's Day all around the world but for some reason, Australia only celebrates Father's Day in September. But since everyone else is celebrating it tomorrow, I thought I would leave my dad a special poem anyway :)

A Dad is a person who is loving and kind,
And often he knows what you have on your mind.
He's someone who listens, suggests, and defends.
A dad can be one of your very best friends!
He's proud of your triumphs,
but when things go wrong,
A dad can be patient and helpful and strong
In all that you do, a dad's love plays a part.
There's always a place for him deep in your heart.
And each year that passes, you're even more glad,
More grateful and proud just to call him your dad!
Thank you, Dad...
for listening and caring, for giving and sharing,
but, especially, for just being you!
Happy Father's Day.

~~Author Unknown.~~

I just got an email telling me that Colby Cole passed away early this morning. I am in so much shock. Colby is one of my five "adopted" kids and he and a few others are the very first kids whose journeys I followed when I first discovered Caringbridge. Over the months, I have become very attached to him and his family. Colby had JMML and he inspired me in so many ways. Please go to his site and offer his parents, Jack & Laura, and his little brother Cameron some words of love, support and encouragement. They are the most loving family and Jack & Laura are the most amazing parents. They are such nice and wonderful people. Awhile ago, Jack crowned me Colby's "fairygodmother". I can't believe Colby's gone... it just seems so sudden...no one saw it coming. This month has been so full of sadness from so many kids becoming angels. I wish it would all stop. I was meant to sent Colby a gift a few weeks ago but got too busy with classes and preparing for finals. I promised him I'd send the gift after my exams...now he won't even know what I wanted to give him. Dear God, please take care of precious Colby in Heaven. He was so special to so many and especially to me. I think of Heaven as this one huge city where everyone knows everyone. And I just know that my mum would've met Colby by now.

Dearest Colby, I am so sorry you didn't get to see my gift. I will always remember your gorgeous smiling face and BEAUTIFUL smile. You are free now, sweetie. Fly high and say hi to my mum for me...

Jack & Laura, my heart breaks for you...we all know how special Colby was and what a miracle he was.

Everyone, please keep the Cole family in your prayers.

Love Colby's fairygodmother,
Janice

Being There

Do you know of someone
Whose precious child has died?
Perhaps she is a neighbour or friend
With whom you can confide.
You assume that she is suffering
A tragedy so deep,
That there is nothing you can do
Since all she does is weep.
You feel that if you see her
There is nothing you can say
That would make her precious child come back
Or make the pain go away.
And if by chance you meet her
And have to face her grief,
You'll do your very best
To make this meeting brief.
You'll talk about the weather
Or the lady down the lane,
But you'll never mention her child-
That would cause her too much pain!
And when the funeral's over,
And all is said and done,
You'll go home to your family,
And she'll be all alone.
She'll go on, she'll be all right, time heals-
Or so it seems,
While she's left alone to pick up the pieces
Of her shattered life and dreams.

~OR~

You can open up your heart
And find that special place
Where compassion and true giving
Are awaiting your embrace.
"Today I'm thinking of you in a very special way,"
Or, how about "I love you!"
Are some loving things to say.
Sometimes a very simple task
Like picking up the phone,
Can help her feel not-so-quite
Desperately alone.
Whatever comes from a genuine heart
Cannot be said in vain
For the truth is, it's these very things
That lessen her great pain.
And when you let her talk about
Her child who is now dead,
You'll know this is far greater
Than anything you've said.
So will you reach out with all your soul
And let her know you care?
For in the end there's no substitute
For simply BEING THERE!

Debi L. Pettigrew

Monday, June 9, 2003
*~Urgent Prayer Request~*
Colby- I would like to ask everyone to please send little Colby and his family some extra prayers...Colby is the smartest and bravest little boy you will ever know and he is fighting JMML. He recently relapsed and his cancer just seems to be getting worse. His parents are deeply saddened (naturally) and they would really appreciate the words of encouragement and support and also the extra healing prayers. Please pray that God will grant Colby another miracle. Colby is already a walking miracle!!!

Brittany- Brittany is a young girl with bone cancer and she has been through hell and back so many times. She has been feeling VERY lousy and hasn't eaten in over a month. She REALLY needs all the prayers she can get, if possible a miracle too. Please send some extra prayers her way and of course to her family too.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I probably won't have too much time to update this webpage in the next week or so. I have 2 exams, one on Wednesday the 18th and the other on Thursday the 19th. I'm so nervous! :) But I will try my hardest to write something in between then...

It's times like these (exams) that really makes me think of my mum a lot more than I already do. There's still not a day that goes by where I don't think of her, but just lately, I've been thinking of her a whole lot more. This time last year, mum was already pretty ill...she had been ill for 4 1/2 years but in May/June last year was when things started to go down hill pretty quickly. She was feeling very uncomfortable as fluid kept building up in her stomach and lungs...and just reflecting on it now, I am still so amazed by her strength and courage. I will always be. I could and would never know the pain and suffering she went through unless I am stricken with the disease myself (PLEASE TOUCH WOOD!). But if you had been there with her...watching her go through what she had to go through (if only she had a choice NOT to go through with it) every single day, you would come to realise just how strong she was as a person- physically, mentally and emotionally.

Anyway, so in June last year, I had finals as usual. I was pretty stressed during that time...actually, VERY stressed. Besides worrying about my exams, I was even more worried about my mum and her condition. The 2 weeks before finals I practically lived in my room, at my desk. It came to the first day of my first exam...it was an afternoon exam so naturally I had woken up early that morning for some last minute lecture notes flipping...mum and dad were in Melbourne at that time, so mum came into my room with a bible in her hand. I was a little surprised. Mum was a Christian, I wouldn't say an overly religious Christian, but she went to church every Sunday if she was physically able to, and she attended bible classes, and she had a great deal of faith and belief in God. So that morning in my room, she sat next to me and told me that she was gonna say a little prayer for me so that I'd be calm for the exam and I'd do well. She held my hand and read a passage from the bible. I can't exactly desribe how I felt at that point in time but I remember tears just strolling down my cheeks as soon as mum left my room (I always tried to cry away from my mum). It was just so typical of her. She would be suffering on her own, but still she would think of others, namely her 3 children, and do everything she could to make sure we were okay, that we had everything we needed. I wish I remembered exactly which passage in the bible it was that she read to me because all I want now is to read that passage again before I sit for finals. But I can't remember and can't find it.

Everytime I think of my parents, I feel so blessed to have my dad and to have had my mum. I feel so thankful to have had THEM and no one else. When I was a kid, my friends and I knew that all our parents were different. Some had different ways of raising their children, some had different beliefs. Some parents were "cool", some were just plain strict. And I remember some of my friends saying to others "oh, I wish my mum was like yours!" or "oh, I wish my dad was like yours!"...I don't think I ever thought that of my parents. I never once wished for them to be like someone else's parents. They are the most devoted, loving and caring parents you could ask for. There are a zillion things I could tell you that are wonderful about them but since exams are nearing, I will tell you what's wonderful about my parents during exams- usually when I am having exams, my parents will ring (from KL) before each paper that I have. And in that short and simple phone conversation they would always tell me to just do my best, to relax and not to worry. My mum, if she wasn't here in Melbourne with me, would say a little prayer from her heart to me on the phone. Even tonight, dad called and told me what he always tells me before an exam- and the last time I spoke to him was on Friday, and my exams aren't till next week! I just feel so grateful for the relationship that Karen, Adrian and I have with our parents. One of my best friends barely has a relationship with his dad and an only average relationship with his mum. And every so often, I just wanna shake him and tell him to make more of an effort, to be thankful that both his parents are with him, and more importantly that his mum is still able to mother him. I hope he's trying. Because the saying "you never know what you've lost till it's gone" is SO TRUE. And my family has had to learn it the hard way.

~CARINGBRIDGE KIDS~
Please continue to pray for baby Jordan and Noah (links above).

Heaven's newest angels:

Anthony Makoid- Became an angel June 2nd
Jalen King- Became an angel June 3rd
Ryan Holt- Became an angel June 3rd

Please pray for their families.

Also please pray for baby Shanna who will be in transplant soon and also for her big brother Nathaniel who's her donor.

Hope everyone has a great week! Thanks for checking in :)

Love, Janice

Saturday, June 7, 2003
Well I am still sick. The cold tablets I've been taking are working a little, but I wish they would work better! I hate having a cold...I blow my nose every 5 minutes and the skin under my nose is all red and sore...makes me feel miserable. And Melbourne's cold weather doesn't help either :) At least my nose isn't too block and I can still get a pretty good night's sleep.

Today, Adrian and I were meant to go to Karen's and Dean's for lunch...but we called her last night and told her that it'd probably be best if we gave it a miss. The last thing I wanna do is make another person sick! Adrian seems to be better though. So it's just me.

I was watching the news tonight and Melbourne is really suffering from water shortage. I think our water storage is approximately 40 percent. That is TERRIBLE. We're going through possibly the worst case of drought at the moment. On the news, they said that the farmers in rural Victoria will have to stop planting vegetables as there's just not enough water to water the crops. And this would mean that in a few weeks, farmers won't have any income whatsoever. That is awful. I used to complain all the time when I woke up in the morning and it was raining. I used to hate the fact that rain only meant gloomy weather and that I had to carry an umbrella around and that it'd be cold. But now, with no rain and so many Australians relying on water for income, I feel for them and I'm actually praying FOR rain! Everyone please pray that this drought will come to an end soon and the farmers will be okay. It must be so scary for them. To try and save water, Melbourne will be seeing 2nd stage water restrictions sometime next week I believe.

~CARINGBRIDGE KIDS~
Excellent news! Baby Jordan is now out of PICU (YAY!) and he's even off the ventilator. He can now open his eyes and is even starting to make a little noise. His parents are just ecstatic that he's recovering well and going back to his normal baby self :) Thank you God for answering everyone's prayers! Please still keep baby Jordan in your prayers even though he is doing much better.

Baby Noah is still on the ventilator (thank God, not on the oscillator) and is amazing the doctors everyday. Please pray that he will make even more progress and will be able to breathe without the vent.

Heaven's newest angels:

Anthony Makoid- Became an angel June 2nd
Jalen King- Became an angel June 3rd
Ryan Holt- Became an angel June 3rd

Please pray for their families.

Pray for baby Shanna who will be in transplant soon and also for her big brother Nathaniel who's her donor.

Thanks for checking in! Don't forget to sign my guestbook to let me know you came by :)

Hugs,
Janice

Friday, June 6, 2003
It's really amazing how strong winds can get...I think when they're THAT strong, they're called gales. Last night, Melbourne had major gales!!! I couldn't believe how strong they were...I was sitting in the apartment in the middle of the night, everything was silent INSIDE the apartment and all I could hear was the howling of the gales. I was so sure a storm would come out of it, but luckily it didn't. I was so afraid trees were gonna be uprooted and power lines would get disconnected because of the gales...they really were THAT strong..and it went on all night into the early morning. Even now (in the afternoon), we are having gales but nowhere as strong as what we had last night. Despite the bad things that could come out of gales, it's kinda interesting to listen to and watch :)

It's getting colder and colder now and I think the change in weather has made me sick! It's also made Adrian sick, which is the reason why I'm sick in the first place. He was sniffing around yesterday...and I was fine. But by last night, I was sniffing and sneezing quite badly. My nose was runny and slightly blocked. I tried the Vicks Vaporub trick, which is, before going to bed, I slather a generous amount of Vaporub under my feet (soles of my feet) and put thick, warm socks on and go to bed. The last time I was sick and did that trick, I slept like a baby (when usually I would be up the whole night with a blocked nose) and woke up feeling good with no traces of a cold! I thought it was a miracle :) So I did just that last night but it didn't work as much as it should've. Took a drive down to the pharmacy today and got some cold tablets... hopefully they'll do the trick...and QUICK too...nothing worse than studying with a runny nose!

As usual, please remember to keep the Caringbridge kids in your prayers, especially the ones that need them the most... baby Jordan is doing great. I don't know if he's out of PICU yet as his parents haven't updated but if things go as planned he should've been back at 5200 by now. Baby Noah is also improving day by day which is great. Keep both these little babies and their families in your prayers.

Also, for Heaven's newest angels:

Anthony Makoid- Became an angel June 2nd
Jalen King- Became an angel June 3rd
Ryan Holt- Became an angel June 3rd

Please pray for their families.

I'd also like to ask you to pray for baby Shanna and her big brother Nathaniel. Shanna is an 11 month old baby with JMML. She will be admitted for transplant sometime this month. Her brother Nathaniel who is 5 yrs old, is a 6/6 bone marrow match (thank God!) and will be her donor. However, at the moment, Nathaniel is feeling very down and sad and just overall worried for his little sister. He is not the same 5 year old that his parents know. Please pray for this little boy as he doesn't understand this disease (who does?) and is just having trouble coping with the situation.

That's all for today. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Love, Janice

Tuesday, June 3, 2003
~5th June Update~
GREAT NEWS!
- Baby Jordan is doing GREAT...his surgery went well and he will be busting out of PICU and back to 5200 in a couple of days.

- Baby Noah is off the oscillator and is currently on the vent with 35 percent oxygen.

*~THANK YOU GOD FOR WATCHING OVER THE BABIES OF CARINGBRIDGE~*

~4th June Update~
Little Ryan Holt lost his battle early yesterday morning. He was a 3 year old little boy with AML and the biggest fighter. Please keep his family in your prayers. Caringbridge is losing so many of its little fighters...pray for all them!

I just found out that little Jalen just passed away. I can't believe it...I know he was home on hospice and he had been having breathing problems, but I just can't believe he has earned his angel wings. I have followed his journey for awhile now and it breaks my heart to know that he did not make it. He was such a beautiful baby...if you go to his site (Jalen), you will see how amazing he was! Please pray for his family...he was an only child and his parent's whole world. They are so heartbroken and devasted. Please pray that God will grant them the strength and courage to go through this most difficult time in their lives.

Will post more later...

Love, Janice

Later post:-

Caringbridge lost 2 beautiful lives in the past two days...it is neverending bad news for these kids...we always hear of kids relapsing and of kids earning their angel wings...it's so not fair for them. These ill kids are going through their own war...sure we may have war around us, like what happened in Iraq, but to these ill kids they are going through a whole other war and they battle their hardest. Some make it, some don't. Ever since I've been a part of Caringbridge, I've seen so many little people lose their lives...a few that I have grown attached to as I check on their progress everyday. And even though I've never met any of these kids or their families, I know that my words of encouragement and show of love and support means so much to them. When my mum passed away, my family had so much love and support... from the extended family and from friends and even from people we did not know well or at all...and I realised just how important that love and support was...it made things easier...it made such a difference.

Sometimes people just don't know what to say to you when you've lost a loved one. They try their hardest to think of the right thing to say but they can't. So many people avoid you because they're afraid of saying the "wrong" thing...at my mom's funeral, I had a few of my closest friends with me. They had no idea what to say to me...I could tell that at times they felt awkward. But the thing is, I didn't care...I didn't care that they didn't know what to say or if they had nothing to say. Just having them there...just seeing them there made me feel so much better. I tried my best to explain to them days after that all I wanted was for them to be there, with or without words, and that it made a world of difference.

So if you know anyone who has lost a loved one, don't avoid them...just be there for them, give them a hug, talk to them...your presence will make a difference and it will help them more than you know...

On a lighter note, I just cleaned my entire apartment. I just love the feel of a freshly cleaned apartment... hopefully it will be awhile till it gets dirty again...now, it's back to study! Thanks for checking in, don't forget to sign my guestbook! :)

Hugs,
Janice

Monday, June 2, 2003
I've just gotten news that a little boy, Anthony Makoid, passed away this morning. He had AML and only just graduated from kindergarten. Please keep his devastated family in your prayers.

~*New photos added to photo album!*~

Not much happened over the weekend...last night, I went to Avril Lavigne's concert with a couple of friends. It was GREAT! The concert was at the Rod Laver Arena, where the Australian Tennis Open is held every year...it's such a popular event venue...lots of concerts are held there each year. And in April last year, mum and I were there watching Elton John perform...she loved Elton John and was SO excited to hear he was performing in Melbourne, so she got us some tickets...he sang ALL of his songs except "Candle in the wind" which disappointed mum, because she loved that song and was really hanging out for it...ah well :) It was the first concert mum and I ever went to together and we had a really nice time...and we had the best seats too!

I am going through a pasta phase at the moment..I have had lots of pasta over the weekend and tonight I think I'll be cooking pasta again...hehe...I don't think Adrian minds. He's too lazy to cook anything so he just eats whatever's provided...can't be too fussy around here! His theory is that if you cook before the exams, you won't do well in them! Because you could've used all the cooking time to study instead...I don't know if that theory has ever been proven but I think he's just trying to get out of cooking. I DON'T believe in his theory!

I'd like to add another baby to my prayer list and his name is Jordan...he is 7 months old and is in need of some VERY serious prayers...he was rushed to PICU over the weekend and his condition is very serious. He is on the ventilator and they are even going to remove his spleen in the next few days...PLEASE say a prayer for this little baby who is going through so much and his family too. Also, keep all the other kids in your prayers everyday.. their links are above...they are all so amazing...even when they have bad days and are just feeling lousy, they still manage to smile. Thanks for all the prayers!

And thanks for checking in and leaving me messages :)

PS: 2 1/2 weeks to finals! Adrian went to church on Sunday and I made sure he said a prayer for me so I'll do well in finals :) Haha.

Hugs,
Janice

Friday, May 30, 2003
Uni is officially out for me :) I didn't have classes yesterday and no classes today! Adrian has classes today but after today, we will both be on SWOT VAC (study break). I think Adrian has exams next week and mine start in about 2 1/2 weeks. It's Adrian's first semester at university and his course is really difficult, so please pray that he'll stay calm and do well. He's always done well for his exams...but I think he's just a little worried now. I don't blame him because university is a huge transition for him and such a big change from high school. There really is a difference and you are not being spoon fed all the time..I'm sure he'll do well and come out fine. I know when I first started univeristy, I felt really lost and just overwhelmed with all the work I had to do..I think there was a point where I didn't think I could do it, but I forced myself to stick with it and adapt as best as I could with all the changes..and look what happened :) I'm now nearly graduating!! You just have to give yourself a chance..

Monday was my cousin, Tracy's 26th birthday..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACY!! Hope it was special..

There are a couple of kids, I'd like to ask everyone to please pray for...first of all, Baby Noah is still not doing very well in PICU (paediatrics ICU). He is still on the oscillator and he's very swollen all over..he remains stable but he is still very far from recovering..please pray for him and his family! Also pray for Kody who just had brain surgery...he did extremely well and got out of the hospital in record time but now he keeps getting headaches and migraines and they're afraid that the shunt that they placed in his head isn't working like it should.. please pray that it's not the shunt that's causing the problem! And finally, please pray for Brittany...she really is the toughest kid around...she is going through both radiation AND chemo..and she's throwing up all the time and hasn't eaten anything in 3 weeks..and she also gets really bad cases of nausea...Brittany has never had a good break...it's always bad news after bad news and she doesn't deserve it...please keep her and her family in your prayers! There are so many others who need your prayers..but these are the ones that I visit regularly and have come very attached to...

It is a VERY beautiful day outside..I'm gonna take a walk and then get back to studying!!!

Hugs & kisses,
Janice

Tuesday, May 27, 2003
Today has been a long day! Had my finance presentation which went pretty well. Also spent a few hours in the library! This will be my last week of uni EVER and it's a little sad... someone said to me that student life is THE BEST! And I will agree...maybe because I haven't experienced any other life other than a student's life! :) Anyway I just know that I will miss going to uni and being in classes and seeing my friends. Just that whole university experience and atmosphere...I'll really miss that! Won't miss the exams though!

Today, Dean, Karen, Adrian and I had lunch at a new place.. an Indian restaurant in the city (dad, I will tell you about it!!)..it was okay...nothing spectacular but I just LOVE indian food, so anything curry is good!

Big Brother 3 is on TV at the moment...everytime I watch it, I always think of mum. This time last year, mum was in Melbourne and Big Brother 2 was showing...we were totally addicted to it! We tuned in EVERYDAY just to watch a bunch of strangers stuck in a house together for 3 months. Haha! Mum really enjoyed watching it...once, there was a treasure hunt in the Big Brother house, it was SO FUNNY.. the housemates had to do the most hilarious things and mum and I were literally rolling on the floor laughing until we were in tears!! You know how when you laugh so hard your stomach starts to ache and your cheeks hurt?? Yep, we were laughing THAT hard! That is probably one of my best memories of me and her...I loved laughing with her :)

I have to ask everyone to PLEASE pray for baby Noah. You will see his link above. He is VERY, VERY ill at the moment and is currently on an oscillator which is also known as the "last chance" ventilator...so as you can imagine, his condition is VERY serious and critical. Please pray for him and his family! They really need it..

Hugs,
Janice

Sunday, May 25, 2003
Dinner at Karen's & Dean's last night was YUMMY!! We had spaghetti and meatballs...she actually made the meatballs herself! This is where Karen and I are SO DIFFERENT...she loves to cook whereas I'm just too lazy :) She also made tiramisu for dessert which was so nice...I think it's one of my favourite desserts. Mum used to make the nicest Tiramisu! I guess it runs in the family...but stopped right before me :)

I have final exams in 3 1/2 weeks...just can't wait for it to be over with! I'll be spending more time in the library now I think...sometimes it's a little hard to study at home...there are just so many things here trying to get me away from studying...like the TV...stereo...the BED!!! Haha...but I suppose it's all about willpower..

I have added a few links to kids that I visit regularly above. They are the ones that really need your prayers at the moment...so please pray for them and their families... if you've ever had an ill family member, you would know what it feels like and how important prayers are, even from people you don't know.

I will get Karen to put up more pictures soon!

Thanks for checking in :)

Love, Janice
XOXO

Friday, May 23, 2003
Winter is definitely on its way...our days have been sunny and reasonably cool but it gets SO COLD during the nights. Thank God for electric blankets :)

Last night, Aunty Janet called to tell me she loved this webpage I started for mom...I love talking to her, she always finds a way to comfort me with her words... she tells me things about what my mom used to think and say (they used to hang out all the time) and I love hearing it. She reassures me that mom is in Heaven and is watching over me. And I've had a few conversations with her (about mom) that mean so much to me...

Adrian has gone to the library to study for his finals. He studys WAY too much but I guess it's because his course isn't all that easy...at least his studying and not out partying too much :) So I don't have to worry!

Tonight we'll be going to Karen's & Dean's for dinner... mmmmmMmMMMmm...Karen is a great cook so we'll see what she comes up with this time :) She tends to experiment her new recipes on us but I don't mind...coz it always turns out good anyway...

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thursday, May 22, 2003
*~New photo added to photo album!~*

I don't think the above date is right...it's actually Friday today. But I think this system works on American time :)

I think it's so much easier having this webpage...I don't know about others, but I'm the sort of person who probably finds it easier to rant and vent their feelings through writing (or typing in this case!). I don't think I'm all too good in expressing my feelings in person. With writing, I feel like I can say everything or anything that I want...

I just wanted to share a little story with everyone. I actually told this story to a Caringbridge friend who told me a similar story- and the moral of the story is that prayers do work!

A couple of years ago, my dad's brother (2nd Ah Pak) said to me, "Janice, do you believe in God?"...and I said "Yes I do"...and then he went on to say "Do you believe he answers prayers"...and I said "Yes, I do"...and my uncle goes "why?". And all I said was "because he gave mom and I a parking spot in Bangsar today". And then my uncle just looked at me as if he thought I was joking. For those of you who aren't from KL, Bangsar is this super busy area with shops and restaurants etc and it is almost impossible to ever find a parking spot there! So the story is, on that day, my mom and I were in Bangsar doing a few errands, and we just could not find a parking spot...we were circling the area so many times and finally mom said "Oh no, there aren't any spots, Janice you will have to say a prayer to God!"...so I silently said a tiny prayer...and almost immediately, mom drove 10 metres and there was a car pulling out! Now I know it could've been pure luck or pure coincidence but I like to think that God had something to do with it...although it was just an insignificant prayer request, I felt like it had been answered anyway and so from that day onwards, I always believed that if you pray hard enough, God does answer prayers...

Thanks everyone for checking in and signing my guestbook! All of your beautiful kind words mean so much to me...I know mom comes from such a big family and so many of you are in Malaysia, so it's always great to hear from you... please visit as often as you can!

Incase some of you haven't noticed, you can read my past entries if you click on the "Past Journal Entries" icon at the bottom :)

Love, Janice

Wednesday, May 21, 2003
So this is the story on how I discovered Caringbridge and how it has changed my life...

As many of you know, I lost my mum to cancer last September. When she was first diagnosed with cancer in February, 1998, my world fell apart. The thought of losing my mum was unbearable. I couldn't do anything about it, but I wanted to learn about this horrible disease that robs us each day of so many lives. So I started surfing the internet for cancer websites. My mum had Ovarian Cancer which is cancer that begins in the cells that constitutes the ovaries. Statistics relating to Ovarian Cancer is harsh- Ovarian Cancer accounts for 4 percent of all cancers among women and ranks fifth as a cause of their deaths from cancer, 70 percent of women with Ovarian Cancer are not diagnosed until the disease is advanced in stage (beyond stage III or IV), the 5 year survival rate of for these women is only 15-20 percent which means that 80 percent of women with Ovarian Cancer discovered in later stages do not live beyond 5 years of diagnose. Ovarian Cancer is difficult to detect, especially in early stages. Because the signs and symptoms of Ovarian Cancer have been described as vague and silent, only around 10 percent of Ovarian Cancer is detected in early stages, which gives them a 90 percent chance of surviving. Unfortunately, my mum was diagnosed at a much later stage (stage IV), she lost her battle after 4 1/2 years of bravely fighting it.

Which brings me to where I am today. A few months ago, I started surfing the internet again for more cancer websites. I wanted to learn more of the disease that took my mum away from me, and I wanted to see if there was any way I could help promote the awareness of this silent killer. One fine day in February 2003, I stumbled upon a little boy's website. He had leukemia and the website was dedicated to him. It was an online journal of his entire journey with cancer and his mum updated it regularly just to let everyone in on his progress. I was so amazed. This is where Caringbridge comes in. This little boy's website was sponsered by the Caringbridge system and I have never been so amazed in my life. It's a system which allows sick children and adults to share their journey with people from all over the world, especially their friends and family. It helps their family and friends stay updated on their progress as they battle cancer. And the best part (my favourite part) of Caringbridge is that it is one big family. They help each other, they encourage each other, they motivate each other, they emphatise with each other, they symphatise with each other, they lift each others spirits, but more importantly, they are there for each other and they love each other. Through this little boy's website, I came across several other kids with cancer who also had websites with Caringbridge. I read through all of their journals and I will honestly admit that it just broke my heart. The things that most of these children have been through is just...so heartbreaking. You would never want any child to have to go through what they do, but unfortunately that's what cancer does to everyone, even kids. And what's even more heartbreaking is that most of these kids are not even over the age of 6. So many of them are between the ages of 3 and 5...there are even babies who have cancer...and of course there are children who are older, between 9-14 years old. Whatever said, they are kids, and you would not believe the rollercoaster life they've had.

So, for a few months now, I have been involved with these kids...I check in on them everyday just to make sure that they're doing okay. Many of them have very rough days, they throw up everyday, have very high fevers and most of them have to take so many different types of medicines...upto 11 types each day! It may sound very depressing to some of you, but when these kids have good days...it really makes your heart smile. I love checking in on them and leaving them messages. All I really want is to put a smile on their faces when their days seem the darkest. And it's not just these kids that you're cheering up, it's their family too. It's really amazing how I've come to care so much about the kids and their families. All of them live in America and I've never met any of them, but yet...through their journeys, I learn so much about them and I learn so much from them. I feel like I can relate to them in so many ways. When my mum was sick, she had to go through endless rounds of chemo. She had her good days, she had her bad days. It was just a long bumpy road of good news and more bad news. I was there and I knew what it was like. I knew how it felt. So that's why these kids and their families mean a lot to me. Ever since I discovered Caringbridge and gotten to know these kids, I've seen a lot of them who've been in remission, who've stayed the same, and of course a lot of them who've earned their angel wings and gone to Heaven. All these kids are special in so many ways and the three things that bring constant hope to them and their families are that God is truly great, prayers do work and that miracles do happen. I ask that all of you say a special prayer whenever you can for all the sick children out there. There are a lot of them and they deserve every single prayer there is.

Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to become a paediatrician. Really. I have always loved kids and babies since I was little, and I just remember always wanting to babysit my little cousins or to play with them. From when I was about 5 till I was about 16, I knew that I just had to become a paediatrician. Nothing else. That was the only way I could be involved with kids everyday. Unfortunately, in high school, I just hated Chemistry, I wasn't doing well in it, it was bringing down my average and so I decided to drop Chemistry as a subject. Now, everyone knows that you need Chemistry to be a doctor, and so without Chemistry, I couldn't take medicine in university. I do regret it in some ways, but I'm also really enjoying my finance major at the moment so I'm not complaining too much. I'm sure I'll find some other way to do something involving kids (maybe have kids in the future???), but in the mean time, I'm happy with Caringbridge and the kids I know from there...they are just amazing. They are my inspiration and they just make me realise how lucky I am to be where I am today.

Love, JaNiCe
XOXO

Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Hi everyone!

Welcome to my new Caringbridge page. Here, you will find me talking about my beautiful mom who is in Heaven right now. I lost her on September 8th, 2002 to Ovarian Cancer. Cancer really sucks! I will post more later...

Janice XOXO

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