Friday, August 20, 2004 6:25 AM CDT

Hi everyone.

No, we did not fall off of the planet. We are still here.

Steve took a month leave of absense from work, so he has been home a lot. It has been very nice, and Abigail and I have really enjoyed our time with Daddy.

There really isn't too much news here. Abby goes for a CT scan next Wednesday, the 25th. Keep us in your prayers. It wouldn't bother me so much, but I always get nervous, and then there is the anesthesia. She never feels good when she wakes up from that.

I will update more later, but just wanted to let everyone know we are OK.

-Malissia

Tuesday, July 27, 2004 8:01 AM CDT

Good morning!

Just wanted to stop by and do a quick update to let everyone know we are all doing pretty good.

Abby is great. I can not complain. She is my beautiful little girl, she is not a baby anymore. I miss her being a baby. I will ask her for a kiss and now it just depends on what mood she is in. She sure does have a nice smile though.

Our Kitty is doing just fine. Thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers and well wishes. We took her to the vet and she said that she is healing up nicely. We can tell simply from the way she has been acting that she is doing so much better.

There has not been too much going on here really, so I don't have a lot to update. But I want to sincerely thank each and every one of you who continue to check in on us and remember us in your prayers. It means so much!!!

Stop by the guestbook on your way out and say hello. Thanks for coming by.

-Malissia

Friday, July 23, 2004 9:45 AM CDT

Hey y'all. Well, no news is good news, I suppose. There has not been too much going on here. :o)

Abby is doing good and growing by leaps and bounds. She wants LOTS of attention and she is such a little sweetheart.

Our kitty cat, Baby, had to have surgery. She is a female cat, 14 years old. She had a stone in her bladder, and it was causing some serious problems. She is getting better every day, and she will have her stiches out tomorrow. Abby has been worried about her, I can tell.

I just want to thank everyone who prays for us regularly. We can feel them.

I promise a longer update later.

Until then, please remember to pray for all of those who are battling illness and other obstacles in their lives.

God bless,

-Malissia

P.S. Please stop by the guestbook and say hello.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 4:41 PM CDT

Hi guys. This is going to be a mini-journal entry. I am short for time, so I am going to type during the last four minutes of the bread being in the oven.

We are all doing OK. Abby and Mommy have been having some sinus/allergy symptoms and some coughing spells, which are no fun at all, but doing allright.

I went to the dentist yesterday and had everything that I needed done. I had four teeth bonded and 3 fillings. My mouth is very sore from the shots, but I am doing great. It feels so nice to have all of that done. No more toothaches or worries for me.

Our cat is sick. I would like to ask everyone to pray for her. Some people might find it kind of odd praying for a cat, but... Steve has had her since she was a kitten, and she is 14 now. She is at the vet right now, and we are waiting to see what the deal is.

Pray for us, and we will be thinking of you.

Leave a message in the guestbook, we always love knowing who is stopping by.

Until next time, God bless all of you.

-Malissia

Friday, July 2, 2004 8:33 AM CDT

Good morning.

Well, where to being? First of all I will say that this will be my second attempt at updating. I lost the last one. One day I am going to realize that it is easier just to type the update and then cut and paste it. I end up losing updates about half the time. I go back to make changes, and it just disappears.

Anyway… We are all doing OK here in the Loucks household. I carried Abby to clinic last week and everything seems to check out fine. She is growing, and doing everything that a normal 2 year old does. July 16th, 2002 was the day we found out that Abigail had a tumor and then on the 18th we found out that it was most likely neuroblastoma. What a day that was. I look back on it and in many ways it seems longer than that, but then if I think about it, it seems like it could be yesterday too. A terrible memory that I will never forget. There is not many horrors in comparison to finding out that your 4-month-old baby had cancer. I didn’t know anything about cancer. The doctor could have handed me a death sentence for her, because that is what I expected. But, we are still here, and Abby remains NED, HALLEUJAH! Clinic was a very somber and sad experience for me. I remember right after Abby was diagnosed, we spent a lot of time in the hospital and at the clinic. I got to know a lot of kids. Some we came to know more than others. We would talk out in the halls about what we were going through, and offer up prayers for each other. Others we never met. There was no one at clinic that I knew last week. Not one child. I feel so blessed that we have Abigail, but I feel so sad for those who no longer have a child to take to clinic. I was dreading going, but when things like that happen, I have to put it all in perspective. I am tired of seeing kids dying from cancer. I guess that is why I have not updated. I know that Abby’s survival gives others hope. There is just a lot that I don’t understand. Why do kids have to suffer? I am going to change the subject now.

I had my wisdom teeth removed, and all is well. The places are almost healed up and I have not had a minute of trouble out of them. I go for a filling on the 12th and I am ready to get it out of the way. It is in a back molar that has a chunk broken out of it, and the tooth is very sensitive, and aches sometimes, so I am anxious to get it out.

I have a prayer request. My uncle, his name is Jimmy, has a terminal illness. I will have to find the name of it again. It is not common though. It is a problem with the autonomic nervous system. Basically his body is not getting the signals it needs from his brain to make his heart beat properly. There is no cure, and very little treatment. His is a full blown progressed case and he will die of a heart attack or stop breathing. He is only in his 50’s, poor man. It is definitely tragic.

Also, my neighbor found out that his dad has prostate cancer. The doctor had hoped that it was not very progressed, but now they are not so sure. He had a bone scan, and three areas in his vertebrae showed up. Please pray for him.

We are going to church for the 4th of July. We will just have one service on Sunday, so I will get to sleep a little later than my normal 7: AM. Well, I say that, but… :o) if Steve is going with me, I had better get up early anyway, he is like a turtle in the mornings. We will have to get some coffee in him. He has Abby asking for coffee, and I don’t mean with cream, sugar, etc. BLACK. She always wants a sip of Daddy’s coffee. It is so cute. She say it like cauckey. After church, they are having lunch, so it will be nice. I have to sing the National Anthem for the opening of the service.

Speaking of the 4th of July. I think when we are praying we need to remember to say some serious prayers for our country, our soldiers, our government, and our citizens too. I am not going to come on here and offer my opinions about the situations going on throughout the world, but I can assure you that we need some serious prayers sent up. There are a lot of scary things happening. So, while you are celebrating the 4th of July, remember the soldiers in Iraq who are eating prepackaged foods in the scorching desert. It is definitely not a place I would want to be in on the 4th of July or any other day for that matter. Please pray for our troops.

I promise that my next update will not seem so gloomy. I am really not in a bad or sad mood, not depressed either, but a lot on my mind, and a lot of people who need prayer. I am just the type of person who empathizes a lot with others, and when I have friends or family who are going through a hard time, it does have its affect.

Take care and God bless you all.

-Malissia

Friday, June 11, 2004 4:16 PM CDT

Well, another week is ending, and boy aren't we glad.

Things here at the Loucks house have been quite chaotic this past week. It all started on Saturday. Saturday morning I woke up with a horrific toothache, but not just me, Steve too. Imagine that. We were not in a good mood over the weekend. We kept taking stuff only to have no relief. On Sunday night Steve and I were both using Anbesol in efforts of getting our toothaches to go away. Both of us had wisdom teeth that were hurting really bad. So, Monday morning Steve called his dentist and I did too. Mine told me that I needed to come in and get my wisdom teeth and the other two that were bothering me out. He said that I should not wait until Friday. Steve had some antibiotics called in. So, Tuesday morning my sister-in-law came up and we (her, Abby, and I) headed off to see the oral surgeon. I was dreading it like you would not believe. I got in there, and he is good. It took him about 3 minutes to get all 4 teeth out, and now they are half healed up. So, I got home, and I did fine. Not a lot of pain really or anything. I did not bruise or swell. Well, Tuesday night Steve hardly slept at all. He was hurting really bad. So, I called the oral surgeon about getting his wisdom teeth out. He took off work on Wednesday morning, and we all headed back over there. Well, after x-rays it was determined that there is nothing wrong with Steve's teeth. His problems are more complex than we though. It seems as though he has some bone loss on the top right of his jaw bone. This is partially genetic, and partially because he is 41 and still has his wisdom teeth. The doctor told us that he should have had his wisdom teeth out a long time ago. Because it is so hard to clean behind them they can cause some serious long term problems. So, Steve is on antibiotics and he is supposed to go have a deep cleaning done, OUCH!!! But most likely he is going to lose the wisdom tooth and the two molars in front of it. This is particularly depressing because there is nothing wrong with the teeth. His pain has subsided some since earlier in the week, but the news is not good. PLEASE pray for him.

Also on Sunday my mom called and gave me some sad news. One of my friends from high school's mom committed suicide on Sunday. They came in from church and found her. Evidently she had been going through a lot lately, and was having some serious heart problems. She was only 47 and the family is devastated. I don't feel comfortable mentioning any names really, but please pray for this family. God knows who they are.

Also please continue to pray for Miranda's family. I know that they must feel lost without her. I am still so sad for them. I was watching the funeral of President Reagan this morning, and one of the reporters was speaking of bad things happening to good people. Well, I got kind of aggravated at that. If you live to 93 you are blessed. Death is not necessarily a bad thing. It is inevitable. It is bad when it happens too early. Learning that your 4-mont-old baby had cancer is a bad thing, learning that your 4-year-old child is going to die of leukemia after suffering with it since 8 months old is a bad thing. But living to be 93??? I don't think that is a bad thing happening to a good person, it is an inevitable thing.

What else is going on here? Well, I found Abby a pediatrician. Up until this point she has just been seen by Doctor Golembe. He is a pediatrician and a pediatric oncologist, but we have decided that she needs just a pediatrician for well children. I am excited to meet him. When I called I found out that there were 6 doctors in the office, so I asked the receptionist if there was one in particular that she would recommend and she did. She said this doctor has been in practice for 23 years. She said he was very patient and kind and over all a wonderful doctor who she also takes her children to. I am kind of picky about doctors. I don't like to feel belittled and some of them tend to do that. She said this doctor is great though, so we shall see.

We don't have any big plans for the weekend. Just stay home and relax for the most part, I guess. I am fine with that though. It has been a long week. It has been a week of pain, frustration, and sadness. But, if everyday was like a vacation we would not appreciate the good days.

Abby is doing so good. She is getting so big and independent. She is learning what she can and can't eat, and that is wonderful. She is so loving and affectionate. I am totally in love with her. I know I am partial, but I think she is the most beautiful little girl in the world. She has the sweetest smile.

I have a little bit of a problem. I have no idea what to get Steve for Father's day. Does anyone have any ideas??? If so leave them in the guestbook, or you can email me. I am just stumped. It has to be good, because my birthday is the 28th and I want a good present, ha ha!

Wow, this update sure did get long very quickly. I get to typing and just get carried away. I type quickly and so I don't realize sometimes how lengthy things become.

Anyway... I hope that everyone has a great weekend. Keep up in your prayers. And please stop by and sign the guestbook. It is nice to know who is checking up on us.

Love,

-Malissia

P.S. Don't forget to stop by Miranda's site and offer her family some kind words. She was a great kid and I am sure that her family is missing her really bad right now. I feel so sad for them, but she is with the angels and not suffering anymore. We will never forget you Miranda or your courage.

Monday, June 7, 2004 2:59 PM CDT

Hey everyone.

This will be a short update.

Heaven got a little sweeter this weekend. Miranda Rae is with Jesus now. She was 4 years old and had been fighting since she was 8 months. Please go by and offer her family some words of support.

Abby is doing great. She is full of energy and so delightful. She ate a biscuit Saturday morning. First biscuit ever and she did really well.

I discovered that my left top wisdom tooth is abcessed, so I called the dentist. He wants me to come in tomorrow instead of Friday. So please say a prayer for me. After I get mine out it is Steve's turn as his have been bothering him too. We both had toothaces yesterday, my top wisdom tooth on the left and his top wisdom tooth on the right. We would not have been very good company for anyone.

Please keep us in your prayers, and remember all of those who are suffering, not just with cancer, but everyone.

-Malissia

Tuesday, June 1, 2004 1:02 PM CDT

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*****NEW PICTURES*****



Hello everyone. Thanks for stopping by to visit.

Well, what can I say? Abby is getting so big. We went to the Speed Street Festival here in Charlotte on Saturday. We had a lot of fun, and Abby sure did enjoy herself. She got a tiny little Home Depot apron with her name on it. It is so cute; it is Abby size, as Steve would say. Abby also got about a dozen toy cars and she has been having a lot of fun playing with them. But the most exciting part was that I was absolutely thrilled with how much she ate. While we were there, she first had a juice box. Then she had three samples of pork and beans, they were in little containers. After that she ate some Chex Mix (Just the wafer things) and then she got some Dipping Dots and ate all of them too. Oh, but that was not it. She had to have little bites of Steve’s sandwich and mine too, and finished that off with some diet coke. Her appetite is so good, and she is really getting good at chewing her food. I had wondered when the day would come, and we are getting there.

Abby is so sweet. My advice for any parent, whether their child has had cancer or not, is to never take any time with your child for granted. Spoil them. Let them sleep with you. Hug and kiss on them 1000 times a day if you can. Tell them you love them, hug them, sit and watch The Wiggles or SpongeBob or Barney with them. (Even if you have seen the episode 10 million times) Abby gets scolded if she is bad, but she hardly ever is. She is a sweet little girl and she knows that she is loved. And that is so important.

So, what else is going on with us? Hmmmm…. Well tomorrow I am taking Abby over to Aunt Sue’s house and I am going to see an oral surgeon. I am not overjoyed about this either. Actually I super dread it. But, it is something that I have to do. Tomorrow is just an exam and stuff to see when and what has to be done. I am hoping that I will just have to have my two wisdom teeth on the left side removed. PLEASE pray for me. I don’t do to well in dentist offices. To be quite honest, I am scared. Kind of odd I guess, my child has beaten cancer and I am scared to go to the dentist. But, I hate going to the dentist more than anything. And after I get through and get them out and such, then it is Steve’s turn, and I am pretty sure that he is about as bad as I am about not wanting to go.

On the home front though, things are well. It is a beautiful day here in Charlotte. But we have no plans other than to go eat when Daddy gets home. I plan to take Abby swimming one day next week. She LOVES the water and so do I.

I want to ask everyone again to please remember our special friend Miranda
when you pray. She has pneumonia and she is home. She is on a lot of IV antibiotics, but she did not want to be in the hospital anymore. There is no more treatment for her. The last two protocols failed. She just did not respond to the chemo. Miranda has been through so much. She is such a sweet little girl with a strong desire to live. PLEASE pray for her parents Gail and Martin, and for her brother Dylan. This is a very tough time in their lives. Miranda doesn’t seem herself and she just sleeps a lot. I wish we could find a cure.

Please remember us when you pray and pray for all of those who are suffering throughout the world. There sure is a lot of it. One day we won’t have to suffer or have pain, or take medicine, or any of that not-so-fun stuff. I am not in any hurry to die, but heaven surely will be glorious.

Take care of yourselves.
Love,

-Malissia

Friday, May 28, 2004 8:20 AM CDT

HAPPY FRIDAY!

OK, so I am slighting aggrivated. I typed this really long journal entry, went back to make changes, and it was gone. Just like a magician had waved his magic wand and made it disappear forever. All of those words that I had labored over. Well, not too much labor, as I type pretty fast, but the thoughts and wording are GONE!

Anyway, Abby is doing wonderful. She is getting to be a really big girl. It amazes me how much she grows every day. She is such a little sweetie, and she loves to hug us and give us kisses, and I eat that up, especially the spontaneous ones. She has beome crazy over those Little Debbie strawberry cupcakes, they are the only ones she likes, and when she wants one she comes up to me and says, "Cake cake." It is so cute. I love my child more than I thought that I was capable of loving. My family is the light of my life. We are so blessed because we realize what we have and we have a lot of love in our hearts for each other and for God. That is what matters people.

A lot of people I know sit around and talk about the condition the world is in, and believe me I think about it. But you know... I don't worry. I know where I am going if something does happen. I know that most of my family will be there too. I am in no hurry, for I want everyone to be ready. But just having a relationship with Jesus Christ is what matters. In the end it is all that matters.

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me and my situation with my teeth. They have been giving me a lot of greif here lately. But, our prayers are getting answered. I found an oral surgeon here in Charlotte who does work one day a week for free. Can you imagine such? So, I am going to see him next week. Then in July I am getting a couple of teeth fixed for free. How wonderful. It is hard when you don't have good credit because of hospital bills and are living on a fixed income. But, we will be OK.

I want to ask everyone to say an extra special prayer for our friend Miranda. She has had a long battle with leukemia, but it may be coming to an end. There is no treatment left for her, and she is in the hospital with pneumonia. Her parents are having a tough time, and they are also wondering how they are going to tell her brother, Dylan, that she may be coming home to die. It is heartbreaking. Abigail and Miranda have the same pediatric oncologist, so I have seen Miranda many times. I am very sad, and I feel so bad for her and her family.

I would also like everyone to continue to pray for me and my family, and my extended family. There are some issues going on that need prayers. I am just going to leave it at that, but please think of us when you pray.

May the Lord bless each and every one of you today.

Love,

-Malissia


P.S. I promise to have new pics soon. My computer just keeps freezing up.

Friday, May 21, 2004 9:03 AM CDT

I just want to start off by telling everyone thank you so much for praying for us. We sure have felt them this week.

I don't know where to start with this journal entry. I have a lot of updating to do. I guess I will start with Abby. She is doing great! Still having some trouble eating, but she is doing so good. She is growing and she has such a sweet little personality. She loves us so much. She gives me spontaneous hugs and kisses, and I would not trade them for ANYTHING!!! I thank God each day that she is well, and I am so thankful that her cancer monster is gone.

As for me. My tooth does not hurt now. It did for several days, and I was very depressed about it. You see these people who go on ultimate make-over and have the whole make-over? Well, I don't want that, I just want my teeth done. I need a crown. I need about four in the back pulled and a bridge, plus about half a dozen fillings, and some of my front teeth will probably need veneers or caps eventually. It can be very depressing. I did not grow up in a family who could afford a lot of dental care, but I did get some. I have always been one to try to take care of myself the best that I can, but I have weak teeth. They are chalky and prone to break. I can get me down sometimes. We don't have the money for what I need done, and I just don't know how it is going to happen. And it is no fun living in pain! But, I am not hurting now, so I am going to continue to tough it out.

Now as for my daddy. I was saving the best story for last. My dad with to see two orthapedic specialist last week. They ran test, did x-rays, etc. Both told him that he had gangrene, and that he was facing an amputation because of it. Well, we had a lot of people praying for him. He went to church on Sunday and the preacher annointed his foot. Well, Monday he went back to see the surgeon for more test and some results. They did more x-rays. And guess what! It was GONE! The gangrene was GONE! So, the surgeon just made arrangements for him to have the corn removed yesterday. One of the doctors from last week scrubbed in too, because he just had to see. Well, he came out and told my dad that he got his miracle. So, he had surgery yesterday, and it was relatively nothing compared to what he would have been facing. I will keep you posted on how he is doing.

I am so glad it is Friday. I enjoy it when we all get to spend time as a family.

Oh, I got one other bit of information. I have lost 33 pounds since this time last year! I am very pleased about that.

I will update again soon.

Friday, May 14, 2004 2:08 PM CDT

Hello to everyone, and Happy Friday.

Abigail and I like Fridays because we get Friday nights and all day Saturdays with Daddy.

Things here in the Loucks house are going OK. Abby is becoming so big and independent and here lately she throws temper tantrums when she does not get her way or when she does not know how to tell me what she wants. It can be very aggrivating sometimes, but I know it won't last forever. I just wish she would realize that getting all upset does not do any good.

I need everyone to pray for me. I am having some issues with my teeth, and I need to get a few of them pulled. I am very depressed about everything. The dentist says that my teeth are like chalk. They look pretty from the outside, but they are very brittle, and can break for no reason really, even if there is not a cavity present. I actually need some major dental work, and a partial. It is very embarassing to me as well as uncomfortable. I don't talk about it much because it really does not do any good, but I do worry about it. Another problem is... we don't have the money to have the things that I need done to my mouth. So, if anyone out there wants to donate to Malissia's tooth fund I am accepting donations. It cost $135.00 just to have a tooth pulled! I just can't believe sometimes how much things cost. I don't want root canals and crowns and such, they would never last anyway. I just want to get the teeth that give me so many problems out and then see where we go from there. Two of them are wisdom teeth, they never came in right. It is very depressing for me. I had an abcess before we went to Alabama, and the dentist called me in some antibiotics, but now the antibiotics are gone, and it is feeling weird again. I hope like crazy that it does not start hurting. I just don't know what to do. I hope that Abigail gets her dad's teeth. His are really good and strong.

As for my dad... well, we just don't know anything yet. he meets with the surgeon on Monday, so I will know something then. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, refer to my last entry. I am quite worried about the situation though.

I guess that is all for us. Please pray for us. We need it.

-Malissia

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 10:45 AM CDT

Happy Tuesday.

I hope that everyone is having a nice day. we are all OK in the Loucks household.

I have a very serious situation that I need prayers for. My dad is a non-insulin dependent diabetic. he has a bone spur on his big toe. This is not good!!! The doctor told him yesterday that it has myonecrosis. This is a type of gas that leads to gangrene. They are doing a lot of test today to determine how well his circulation is to his feet, and then he is going to meet with a surgeon next Monday. I cried so much yesterday. I am so scared for him, and he does everything in his power to take care of his diabetes. He is very careful about what he eats. It is very sad for me. My dad is only 49 years old, and he has this going on. Part of the reason it got this far is due to medical negligence if you ask me. He had been seeing the doctor regularly and she acted as if it was fine and nothing to worry about. Then my stepmother called to make him an appointment with a specialist, and it was a little more than they were expecting. He has already gotten a second opinion, and so this is what he is facing. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for my dad. Pray that the circulation in his foot is fine, and that this amputation will only be limited to most or all of his toe. My dad does not have a lot of money, and reguardless he will spend at least a month out of work. It is just a lot to think about.

We are doing well though. Abby is just peachy, and we don't see the doctor again until sometime in late June. We are still working on trying to eat new things. She still has trouble, and there are many, many things that will be a long time before she can even attempt. Abby has never eaten a hamburger, a slice of pizza, a french fry, never had any raw vegetables, never had a grape, a strawberry, the list goes on and on... It makes me sad sometimes. I hope that there comes a day when she can. Pray for us. I never get depressed. But right now I am down.

-Malissia

Tuesday, May 4, 2004 2:09 PM CDT

Hey there everyone. Well, we made it back from Alabama and Florida. To say we had a good time would be an understatement. It was absolutely awesome. This was the first time that Steve and I had ever been anywhere just the two of us since Abby was born. It was so good getting to spend a few days at the beach relaxing and having fun. But... don't think that for one minute that litte Miss Abigail was left out. She had the time of her life too. My mom had went out and gotten one of those little swimming pools, and Abby played in that thing every day, plus they live walking distance from the city park, so Abby played there every day too. Then last Friday was the relay for Life. Well, Clanton Alabama is my home town. My mom and my stepdad and step-grandmother took her. My stepgrandmother, Jean, is also a cancer survivor. She had colon cancer over 30 years ago, and no one can believe that she survived it, but she did. So, Abby went to the cancer breakfast and became an instant celebrity! She was the only child there. Then that night they went to the Relay for Life in the park. There were about 1,000 people there, and again, Abby was the only child. My mom said that Abby ran a mile!!! If she can run a mile, she is doing a lot better than me, HA! So, they were interviewed by the newspaper, and my mom went out and got one Sunday morning, and guess who was on the front page??????? You are right! Abby was front and center in color! She got lots of love and attention while we were gone, and I feel better about myself, life and everything than I have in a long time. I had forgotten how getting away refreshes you and gives you a different perspective for a few days anyway. I want to thank Crystal for letting us stay in FL. What a wonderful gift!

As far as Abby is doing, she is good, I would say great, however... Abby's Poppy had the diarrhea, and guess what. he gave it to us. YUCK! I told him I was going to kill him because we just got over a virus about a month ago. So, in the last month, Abby and I have had two viruses and a cold! I am ready for summer, and I am tired of being sick. It is not that bad though, I think she is feeling OK. No nausea, just the other.

On a sadder note, I want to ask everyone to go by and visit Miranda's site. It is www.caringbridge.org/nc/mirandarae
Miranda was fighting cancer when Abby was diagnosed, and Miranda is still fighting. Her journey has been anything but textbook, but now it seems as though the cancer is starting to get the best of her. There is nothing left that can be done by medical science. It is all left up to God now. Miranda is truly an inspiration and a beautiful little girl. Her parents have been to hell and back trying to get her well. So, go by and give them some words of hope and encouragement. They are not giving up.

God bless you all. Thank you for all of the love and all of the prayers, and I will get some new pics up soon.

With much love for everyone who loves my daughter,

-Malissia Loucks

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 7:52 AM CDT

I just want to tell everyone that I am sorry for no updates!

Abby's CT scan was clear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had a clinic appointment on Wednesday, and so we had to be there at 10:30, the scan was not until 2. By the time it was over and we got out of recovery, it was nearly 5:30. I was tired, and Abby too. Then on Thursday morning, I woke up sneezing. Seems as though Abby and I had a cold, we are getting over it now.

Then on Sunday morning I woke up with a toothace. Occasionally I grind my teeth, at least I think I do. And so, a tooth has been giving some problems since Sunday morning. I can't afford the dentist! We are leaving this evening to head to Alabama. I have a bottle of antibiotics there, and so I am going to start on them. My face is swollen a little and feels tight, and so maybe the antibiotics will help. I am sure that the tooth is abcessed! What joy! So, a dentist could not do anything with it anyway. I am going to take the antiobiotics and make plans to see a dentist when we get back. Not that we can afford it. I really hate to, but I guess I will just get it pulled, depending on what the dentist says. I can't afford a crown or a root canal or whatever. No dental insurance. It is really sad that we live in a country that has such advanced medical capabilities, but there are so many of us who can't afford adequate health care. I won't get started on that though. I just have not updated because I feel yucky.

Abby is doing great though. She is 25 1/2 pounds. WOW! She is so independent, and so funny. She does the silliest things sometimes. She never fails to make me smile, even when I don't feel good.

Please say a prayer for us while we are traveling, and pray for me. I am very frustrated with my tooth situation. And never forget to pray for all the kids who are suffering.

Monday, April 19, 2004 8:49 AM CDT

I am so sorry guys, but here is an update, finally!

We are all doing good. Abby has a CT scan on Wednesday at 2:00 PM. I would appreciate if everyone would keep us in mind on that day, and say a pray for us. I still get a bit ancy during scan time. And then, there is also the worry of her being under general anesthesia, and plus the contrast... it gives her awful diarrhea. So, we are not looking forward to that!

I am so excited though. Steve and I are going to Florida next week. We have not been without Abby since her DX, and we need some time together. My mom is going to keep Abby for a couple of nights, and we are off to the beach! It is going to be wonderful!

Not too much is going on other than that. Abby just fell back asleep, and I am making some coffee, so I am going to go and drink me some.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and checks on Abby. Thank you for your prayers, and don't forget to sign the guestbook.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Malissia

Monday, April 12, 2004 10:46 AM CDT

Good morning, well it is almost afternon now.


First of all, I hope that everyone had a nice Easter. We did. Steve and Abby did not go to church with me though. Abby seems a little congested. I just gave her some Sudafed, and she did not like it at all, but maybe it will help. She seems to feel fine, but I can tell she is a little congested. I wonder why though, with all the pollen that is outside, I can not belive that I am not sneezing my head off.

I got a bit of sad news last night. My dad's first cousin, Sylvia, lost her battle with cancer. I have not mentioned Sylvia before, I don't know why. Sylvia was divorced with one child, named Brad. Brad and I were always very close when I lived in Alabama. He is 3 or 4 years younger than me. I heard from him several months ago, and I knew Sylvia had cancer, but he talked liked she was doing a lot better. I had no idea that she had taken a turn for the worst. I am sad about it. I was not very close to Sylvia, just because the age gap, and to be honest I had never spent a lot of time with her, I was just always off with Brad. I remember though, her favorite gospel song was "Standing on the Solid Rock". I take comfort in that. I know that she is in a better place. Please pray for Brad and for Sylvia's siters too. She is the youngest of three.

I have to tell you all a story too. First of all I want to thank all of you who come by and visit. I want to express an extra special THANK YOU to EJ and Janice. Thank you for coming by Abby's page, thank you for your nice messages and pictures in Abby's guestbook. Thank you for sharing with us Melinda. All these people mean so much. I want to thank everyone from the Quilts of Love website. I want to thank those of you who have shared your stories of cancer, those who have and are fighting the battle with us. YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO US!!! THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO PRAY FOR US!

With that being said, I must get to the point though. I went to the website of another child with cancer in the caringbridge.org network. This little girl is in bad shape, and someone had the audacity to criticize some of the things that her mother had said. Since I have joined caringbridge I have had negative comments, once this girl told me that it was too bad that my daughter didn't die. I will NEVER foget that. I have seen where people left messages in guestbooks of other children, criticizing their parents for asking for money when they were not both working. I have seen people who would make a website for their dying child and it was all a farce. This is to those people. YOU ARE SICK! I am tired of people with those attitudes. People who will not leave their names because they know what they say is way out of line. Where do you get off? I didn't work when Abby was sick. I could have, but who the heck would have taken care of her??? I just want to let you know if you come across this site through a search, or a link or anything else, consider yourself priviledge. You are offered insight into the life of a family who has dealth with cancer and other issues. I just don't understand people who do things like that though. Until you know what it is like to wake up morning after morning in the hospital, praying that your child won't die. Until you know what it is like to be three months behind on your house payment, totally broke, and living hour by hour, day by day scared that your child won't make it, don't be critical. When a person finds out their child has cancer they are forever changed. There are a lot of things, questions, concerns, etc that have went through my mind in the last two years that I probably would not have ever wandered had Abigail not gotten sick. Not only do the words you say to people hurt, you don't know stress until you have a gravely sick child. And when you say things to people that are intentionally rude, crude, cruel, distateful, downright mean, and hellish, you could be liable. I know about a woman who has a child with neuroblastoma also, totally healthy, and had a heart attack at 24 due to stress. So, to those bad people don't push us. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE!!!

Anyway, I am off my soapbox now. It is just sometimes things need to be said. I wish everyone a happy Monday with God's blessing.

-Malissia

Friday, April 9, 2004 4:14 PM CDT

Ok, this is going to be short! I wrote this long journal entry, and I went back to make changed, and the page could not be displayed. All that for nothing.

Anyway, we are doing good. We are gearing up for Easter. I went out today and got Steve a gold chain for our anniversary. This is the first time in a long time that I have been able to get him a gift. It was not very expensive, but it is nice. For over a year we were so broke that it was scary. We still don't have a lot of extra money, but enough that I could get him a gift this year! I am excited because before we ever met he said he would like to have a gold chain, well he is getting one next Thursday!!! :o)

My grandmother had her biopsy on Monday. Pretty painful I guess. They cut her neck and went down under her sternum. OUCH!!! SHE DOES NOT HAVE CANCER!!! Halleujah! She has a lung disease called sarcoidosis. I am not going to even attempt to explain what that is, if you all are curious you can look it up at www.sarcoidcenter.com The good thing is, it is treatable. Please keep her in your prayers.

I am going to go. Take care, pray for us, pray for all of those who are hurting, hungry, sick, and lonely. Pray for our country, and don't forget to remember the meaning of Easter. It is not just eggs and bunnys.

Take care,

-M

Monday, April 5, 2004 9:34 AM CDT

Well, here it is Monday all over again!

I am sorry that I have taken so long to update. We have been very busy.

I guess we are all over our virus now and things should be getting back to normal. I called and cancelled Abby's CT scan and it has been rescheduled for the 21st of this month. I just could not take her. We all felt rotten there for a few days.

I have to tell you all a story. Frankly, I have always preferred Coke over Pepsi. But, now... I am a Pepsi lover for life! As you all know Abby still has some issues with her esophagus. Well, last night we were all eating spaghetti. I know she is supposed to be on a soft food diet, but she cries if she can not eat what we are eating, so I just chop everything up. You can only eat so much yogurt and mashed potatoes anyway. So, last night Abby got a little piece of hamburger that was too big. it was stuck. She was drooling and all upset. I start to panic like I normally do. We tried for about 20 minutes to get it to go down or come back up and nothing. I had already convinced myself that we were headed to the ER for a 3 day hospital stay. Well, then I remembered a story that I had read on a message board. There was a lady who had a son with the same problem. She said when he got anything stuck she gave him Pepsi. Well, we don't drink too many soft drinks around here, but our neighbors are Pepsi enthusiast. So, I headed over there with a glass and got some Pepsi. I want y'all to know, I gave Abby the Pepsi, and within a minute if that, the peice of hamburger came up. I assume the carbination forced it up. I don't know. Would Coke have done the same thing? Most likely, but... we know the Pepsi works, so we are sticking to it. I had to email the Pepsi company and tell them too.

Another little bit of information. I am now the adult choir director at church. I play the piano, organ and direct the adult choir. And my mom told me that I had better not major in music, because I would have a hard time finding a job??? Well, I got a degree in mass communication and I am not working in a TV control room or for a newspaper anywhere. Playing the piano is what I have always done and what I am best at. I have a lot of responsibilities now, but I am definately excited and up for the challenge.

Well, I guess I will go. I promise to update sooner next time. Please continue to pray for my grandmother and all of us.


-Malissia

Tuesday, March 30, 2004 7:55 AM CST

Well, things are better here in the Loucks household, but they are worse too.

Abby is feeling much, much better. She still had a little bit of a fever yesterday afternoon, and I know her tummy is still not quite right, because she is being very picky about what she eats, but she is doing a lot better. Abby has not thrown up since Saturday night, and we have not had any dirty diapers since yesterday morning. Mommy on the other hand... don't even ask. I would muc rather take Abby's place though. She has been through enough, and I hate it when she is sick. I think I will be OK. I just have sudden waves of nausea, and the other too. I will be glad when all of this is over. Abby's supposed to have a CT scan tomorrow, but if I am not feeling better we may not go. I know we are expected to be there, but I am the only one who can take her. Steve can't get off of work, and I am not sitting in the waiting room, recovery room, etc. with a virus. It is miserable enough just being awake.

Please pray for my grandmother today. She is having her lung biopsy. We are very worried especially since the lymph showed up on the PET scan. We did not expect that to happen.

I am going to go. Please keep us in your prayers.

-Malissia

Friday, March 26, 2004 8:11 AM CST

Good morning.

Things are better here in the Loucks household than they were on Wednesday. Abby's fever is gone, and she is eating again, so we will make it.

I do have some troubling news. My grandmother (she is not my blood grandmother, actually my step-grandmother, but I love her like she was my own. The only reason I am saying step-grandmother here is so people will know she is not blood related to Abby so the are not genetically linked) is sick. She has been coughing since mid-November, I think. She has been in the hospital once, and a month ago actually ripped a muscle in her side from coughing so much. Well, recently she had a bronch and they said parts of her lungs were inflamed. They took a secretion sample and did not find anything... however she has had many other test including several chest x-rays, an MRI, CT Scan, etc. She had a PET Scan the other day. This is the bad news. The doctor called yesterday and told her that the results of her PET Scan did not look good. She thinks my grandmother (Granny Jean as we call her) has lymphoma. So, on Tuesday she will be having a lung biopsy. We are all very worried. Jean was diagnosed almost 30 years ago when she was 41 with colon cancer. She was not supposed to live through that, at least that is what the doctor told her. Then in 1995 she had a large benign brain tumor removed, this left part of her face numb, and she is deaf in her left ear due to the removal. Not only has she had her share of cancer, but she has outlived two husbands who both died very young. Her second husband died of skin cancer, he was only in his 40's. Sometimes you wonder hasn't this person suffered enough. What is the reason for this? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE have us in your prayers. We don't want this to be cancer. Everyone is very upset about it. I think Jean is 70, very active, and she has a lot of life in her. She is a true inspiration and a fighter, and she told me on the phone yesterday while crying that she had done chemo before and will do it again if she has to. Please pray that this is not the case! I can't talk about this anymore. It is very upsetting.

I want to tell everyone about a little girl I know. Her name is Paris and she lives in Australia. She is one month older than Abigail, and they were both diagnosed with NB in the same week. Paris has had a lot of serious complications throughout her treatment, and is still facing a lot of obstacles. I have been emailing her great-grandmother for almost a year now, and every once in a while, I get a message from her on my answering machine. This a lovely family. Paris' great-grandma (whose name is also Jean) has just set up a website for her. Go by and say hello, wish Paris well and sign her guestbook. Let her know you will be praying for her.

I am going to go now. I AM SICK OF CANCER. I AM SICK OF IT ABSOLUTELY DESTROYING PEOPLES' LIVES AND MAKING THEM SUFFER. I AM TIRED OF THE ANXIETY OF IT. I AM TIRED OF THE FINANCIAL STRUGGLE IT CREATES. I AM TIRED OF WATCHING BABIES, CHILDREN, ADULTS AND SENIORS FIGHTING WITH ALL THAT IS IN THEM TO GET RID OF THIS HORRENDOUS DISEASE ONLY TO LOSE THE STRUGGLE. I HATE CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 25, 2004 7:54 AM CST

Good morning. I just want to ask everyone to stop and say a little prayer for Abigail today. She is not feeling well, poor baby. Yesterday morning when she woke up she did not want to eat her breakfast. I asked her if she wanted something to eat and she said no. So, she ended up eating a little bit, and then just snacked a little here and there throughout the day. Then between 11:00 and 1:00 yesterday she had 3 dirty diapers. She also took a long nap. So, yesterday evening when she woke up from her nap she felt hot. I took her temp and it was 101.1 under her arm. So, I convinced her to eat a little bit and gave her some tylenol afterwards. She ended up throwing up. She did not eat anything after that last night, but seemed to act as though she did not feel too bad. So, this morning when she got up I took her temp. It was 99.6 under her arm. She drank a half-sippy cup of juice, and that is all she wanted. She is now laying on the couch watching TV. She has had plenty of wet diapers and so I am not worried about her getting dehydrated. I just assume she has a virus, but nevertheless, she doesn't feel too great. I may call the doctor just for my peice of mind. But just stop and say a prayer for us that she gets to feeling better.

Thanks for stopping by.

-Malissia

Friday, March 19, 2004 2:29 PM CST

Happy Friday to everyone. I sure am glad that it is Friday. Fridays are probably my favorite day of the week. On friday evening, Steve and I know that we have all day the next day to be together before the start of the next week. We really enjoy our Saturdays and Abby does too.

There is not too much to report here. Abby is still doing better with her chewing. She ate half of a fortune cookie yesterday!!! She was just taking tiny little bites and being so careful. I guess the only thing about having a small child who has medical problems is that you can not explain things to them, and they can't tell you what is going on either. Since she is starting to get bigger, I can tell her to take tiny bites, drink a few sips of water, etc. Just being able to do small things like that makes me life a lot easier. But, like I said things here are just moving right along.

I want to let everyone know that Abby's site is going to be getting an ultimate makeover :) this weekend. Chris and ICEDream are going to jazz things up a little bit over the next few days. I am so very appreciative, because I can't figure out anything. So, be checking in. It is going to be exciting. Thanks ladies for helping us out with this, well, I am not even going to say that, THANK Y"ALL FOR DOING THIS!!!

Please continue to pray for us, and everyone else who is suffering no matter what may be the cause. Please go by the rainbow of hope website www.rainbowchildren.homestead.com and visit with Niki and Miranda, they could use a lot of prayers right now.

Until next time...

-Malissia

Tuesday, March 16, 2004 3:57 PM CST

OK, I guess Abby's mommy is just behind on the times. I went and visited several websites today of other caring bridge children. I am always impressed with how well some of the sites look and how much people do to them. So, I decided that I was going to "fix up" Abby's site a little. Well, one little Hello Kitty is all you are going to get. I have been here for two hours and all I have mananged to get right is it. I was going to add a different border, some extra pictures, etc. or so I thought. I guess not. If anyone is interested in helping me, I would be appreciative. I guess I just don't get it. I was looking at a site that had a lot of the html codes and stuff, but... something went wrong every time.

Anyway... we are doing good here. I am ecstatic. For many of you who have followed Abby for quite some time, you know she has always had a hard time chewing. I have even discussed it with Dr. Golembe a few times. Well, guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Abby ate a whole snack size package of Ritz Bitz sandwiches yesterday and she did not have any trouble. She chewed them all up, and then today, she ate about 15 Teddy Graham cookies. I am delighted that she is progressing.

I will write more later. Please continue to remember us in your prayers.

P.S. This picture was taken of Abby today.

Monday, March 15, 2004 2:40 PM CST

Ok, here we go again. I think I had just typed the longeast journal entry ever, and I went to upate, and it said the page had expired. Oh well, that is what I get for not typing it in word or something.

I am going to make this quick because I am frustrated. We are all healthy here, with the exception of Abby getting some food stuck, but I got it to go down by the grace of God.

Last week in the Loucks house was not the best week ever, I can assure you of that. Steve is feeling fine now, Abby too, and I am just very tired.

PLEASE pray for us. Pray this week is a little more laid back and less stressful. If it goes like last week, I will sruely lose my mind.

Saturday, March 13, 2004 10:47 AM CST

I am sorry that I have not updated sooner, but we have just had one more week.

I have to tell you all what happened on Thursday night. Thursday afternoon my friend Lisa came over. She and I visited for a while, and then we Steve got home, we suggested that we go out to eat. So, off we go, Steve, me, Abby, Lisa, and he daughter Sommer. We were at the restaurant, the food had arrived, and we had been eating for quite some time. Then all of the sudden, Steve looked at me and he said, "Mommy (he calls me mommey sometimes) I don't feel so good. I looked over and he looked totally disoriented, and then all of the sudden, he fell over. In the next 30 seconds or so, Steve lost and regained consciousness about 4 or 5 times. Then, he told me he felt fine. We had already had someone call 911. Steve had absolutely no color in his body, and he had a cold sweat all over him. I WAS SCARED TO DEATH. When the paramedics got there, they checked his sugar, took his vatals, etc. and everything appeared normal. Then they put him on a heart monitor and said he had an abnoraml heart rhythm. So, the paramedic commences to telling me that there is something seriously wrong, either with his brain or with his heart. They wanted to take him to the hospital right then, but of course Steve wanted me to take him instead. Steve has not seen a doctor since he was in the Army. He left the Army in 1984!!! So, I took Steve to the hospital. We got there and they did all sorts of test, including hooking him up to a heart monitor right away. He had a CT scan, blood work, his sugar checked again, his blood pressure checked about 50 times. We were wondering what in the world was wrong. finally the doctor came in and I was able to ask questions. She said that they could find absolutely nothing wrong with him, other than he was a little dehydrated. I asked her about his heart and his abnormal rhythm, and she said it was nothing. She said that there was a slight, very slight difference between his and a normal, but she had a feeling that it was normal for him, she said it was most likely because he is a thin person, or it was something that he has had all of his life. But she talked to some other doctors and assured me that it was nothing to worry about. I then told her that they paramedic scared the s*%t out of me because he told me that he thought Steve's reason for passing out was because he had a bleed on his brain. She said the reason Steve passed out it because he was dehydrated and that is all, but... I suppose that it what can happen if you just drink coffee all day. I don't know. I am a little worried, but... not too bad. Steve says he has passed out all of his life. I just want to ask everone to pray for us.

Abby is doing fine, I need to go, and I will update more later.

Tuesday, March 9, 2004 9:39 AM CST

First of all I want to say thank you to those of you who continue to visit Abigail's page. It means a lot to know that there are people who are still praying for us, and who continue to pray. We can surely feel it.

Abigail is doing great. She is becoming so independent! My baby is two now. It is funny, I had to go play the piano for a funeral yesterday, and I was telling some of the ladies at church that I had my baby with me. I guess she will always be my baby though. Well, until she tells me one day not to call her a baby anymore. Until then, Steve and I will still call her a baby. She is so sweet though. She is feeling fine, and doing great. The only thing I have noticed about Abby is that she seems to get hot sometimes, especially when she is taking a nap. I am very hot natured myself. If she had never been diagnosed with cancer, this is probably something I would never even think about. But when your child has been through a devistating illness, ANYTHING makes you a little nervous. I freak out when she has a cold. I will probably ask the next time we go to clinic anyway.

We had a nice weekend with my family. As always it did not last long enough. We had a great time though. We all went out to eat breakfast together Saturday morning at Golden Corral, then as luck would have it, my grandmother noticed she had a bad tire on her car. Since it was Saturday, every car place was extremely busy, and it took over two hours to get it replaced. So, we lost some of our Saturday there. We did a little shopping afterwards. Then we came home and grilled some hamburgers and watched a movie. It was a nice day.

We plan on a relaxing day today. I had planned on that yesterday, but we had a lady from church who passes, and I had to play the piano and sing at her funeral. So, Abby and I are going to just chill a little while daddy is at work. I think we are going to go eat some Chinese food when Steve does get home. Yummy!

Please continue to remember us in your prayers. Also remember the many kids who are having a tough time. I seem to get around caringbridge quite a bit, and there are quite a few kids and adults who are having a hard time right now. Don't forget to stop by the ROH site either. There are so many who need prayers. We need a cure.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004 3:24 PM CST

First of all, I want to say Happy Birthday Mandy. Mandy is my sister, Abby's aunt. She is 22 today. We have a lot of birthdays on my side of the family this time of year. My brother and sister-in-law just had birthdays and an anniversary, then Abby's birthday, then Mandy's today, and our close friend Lee has a birthday on Saturday.

We are doing great here in NC. All of the snow is gone, and it is supposedly 72 degrees today, but I think the weather man is off again, because it surely feels hotter than that.

Abby is doing splendidly. She got her first shower today. Not a bath, but a shower. She seemed to really enjoy it. She is so sweet whenever she gets out of the tub, she gets chilly, and wants to be really close to mommy. I take advantage of that time, because usually she is set in full speed.

I don't really have much to update, I just wanted to go ahead and do it, because I probably won't be doing it again until the end of the week. Tomorrow we are going to see my niece Erin. Then on Friday my family is coming from Alabama for a visit, so we are going to be very busy the next few days.

Please keep us in your prayers. Also please pray for the ROH children, especially Miranda. She has been through enough as it is.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 7:41 AM CST

Well, I finally have taken the time to add another journal entry.

Where to start? Well, Abby did not get to have a birthday party. Thursday morning I got up about 6:30. I had remembered them saying something about snow in the weather forecast, so I went outside to see what the weather was like. It was chilly, but nothing had happened overnight, so I did not expect it to snow really. About 7:30 I went out to Steve's car. I had some things that I needed to get out of there before he left for work. It started snowing while I was out there. Steve left for work about 8:30, and the snow was beginning to cover the ground. It was coming down hard, and the wind was blowing quite nciely too. About 11:30, I called Steve to see if he had heard anything about getting off work early, and he said no. By the time I had called him, there was several inches of snow, and they had began the process of closing some roads. Steve called a little before 1:00, and said he was on his way home. It takes him about 25 minutes to get to work in the mornings, but Thursday he did not make it home until 3:30. I was kind of worried, and very glad when he got home. By midnight Thursday night we had at least 14 inches of snow on the ground. The weatherman said it was the most it has snowed since 1969. My family had planned on coming last weekend from Alabama for Abby's party. I called them and told them not to try to come. We still planned on having the party. But, we ended up not getting to. No one could get out of their driveways. So, Saturday afternoon when some of the snow had melted we took Abby shopping and out to eat. We had just bought her some clothes for her birthday, because we knew she would get a lot of toys. We ended up at Target, and we got her a realy big Patrick from SpongeBob. So, now she has SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward. My family is going to come visit this weekend instead.

As for Miss Abigail. I carried her to clinic last week. Dr. Golembe is very pleased with how well she is doing. He is so nice to us. Abigail has been NED (No evidence of disease) for 16 months now. I never realized until last week that when you have neuroblastoma they don't say you are in remission, they just call it NED. But, hey we will take it. She has gained two pounds too.

I will write more later. I want to ask everyone to keep praying. Pray that Abigail remains NED forever. Pray for all of the other children who are suffering from this terrible disease and of other forms of cancer. Pray for the adults who have cancer too, and pray that one day there will be a magic, miracle pill or something that makes it go away. A lady emailed me last week, her granddaughter is 2 months old and was just diagnosed. I try not to ask why. Just pray for them.

-Malissia

Saturday, February 28, 2004 7:08 AM CST

Well, today is the big day. The birthday girl is two. Unfortunately, we probably won't be doing much today, since we had a blizzard. Abby is doing great, and I will update more later. The trip to clinic on Wednesday went great. Abby has shown no evidence of disease for 16 months!!! Halleujah!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 10:52 PM CST

OK, it is late Tuesday night and I am still up. Steve and Abby are both asleep on the couch. I am about to send them to bed. I thought I would just give a quick update. Abby's appointment at clinic is tomorrow. Please pray that we are not there long. She gets very upset when we have to go. She hates being messed with. So, think of Abby and me in the morning.

P.S. I read my last journal entry while ago, and all I could think the whole time was PROOFREAD. And to think I have a Bachelors of Science in Mass Communication.

Eye haev shamde ym Unvierstiy? i Shuold neEvr wokr fort he Neswpapper,;!

Monday, February 23, 2004 12:41 AM CST

Two updates in one day. I am sure no one ever expects that from me, but... I have a story to share.

Last Friday I entered Abby's journal entry, and at the time I was feeling a little down. I always try to be positive, but I was having one of those days when I felt like I totally misunderstood God and his intentions with my life, the life of my child and my family. Some time later my neighbor Lisa came over. she is such an inspiration to me. Lisa lives two houses down, and we met in July 2002. The day after we met, Abby was diagnosed with cancer, and the day after Abby was diagnosed Lisa's mom died. Lisa's mom was only in her fifties. Inspite of two totally different circumstances, I am sure that we were experiencing a lot of the same feelings. We did not see each other for a while. Abby was in the hospital for 9 days, and Steve took the remaining part of the week off of work to help me take care of Abby. A couple of weeks later I saw Lisa. I am not one to warm up to people easily. I consider myself a very cautious friend. In the time that has passed since Lisa and I first met, we have become very good friends. As a matter of fact, the other day she told me I was her best friend. All of my friends throughout my life have been friends who I made in church, or college. When I moved to North Carolina, I did not really know anyone other than Steve's family. The are nothing short of wonderful, but I wanted to have someone to talk to. Then I met Lisa. Lisa is a great lady. She married her sweetheart, and they have two teenage kids, a son, then a daughter. Lisa is the first adult friend in my life. The first friend that I made after college, after marriage, and after Abby was born. I really do appreciate her. When Lisa was here last Friday, she asked me to pray for her. She has been a wife and a mother for a long time, and she has taken on a full time job. She asked me to pray that it was an easy transition, and that she would be comfortable there and enjoy herself too. Then I asked Lisa to pray for me. She asked if I wanted to share why, and we started talking. After I said my spill, Lisa asked me if I had ever prayed for blessings abundant. I was confused, I had never even thought of praying for that. I asked her if that was proud, and I was thinking about how the Bible says that God will supply all of our needs. She told me that no, it was not wrong to pray to be blessed, and to be blessed abundantly. And so, I thought about it, but I didn't pray then. Then yesterday I went to church. Steve was here with Abby, because she has a cold. I decided to pray, honestly and ernestly to be blessed by God abundantly.

I have been battling my feelings for some time now. Last Monday someone signed Abby's guestbook, and said that they were struck by my faith. Well, my faith was missing a little. I feel asleep with Abby on the couch earlier. She does not feel good and she wants to be cuddled with. While sleeping I had this dream that I met a lady with a sick child who asked me to pray for her. I never gave the lady an answer, I just remember thinking well I will pray, but it is ultimately left up to God. When I woke up in was totally uncomfortable. It was about 1:40 and I had a bad headache. I decided to see if the mail had ran, so I trecked down to the mailbox to retrieve my mail. In the mailbox was a small envelope from a lady whose name I did not recognize. I wondered who it could be. Steve and I get predictable mail, bills, bills, and circulars that everyone gets. I used to work with a lady from the state it was sent from. Now this lady is not in good health. I was ver thinking things, so I just heald it and said a prayer. Steve and I get predictable mail, bills, bills, and circulars that everyone gets. Before I opened the envelope, I said a little prayer. Inside the card was a Bible verse, and a note from a lady who said she had ready Abby's story. She went on and said that her family had been very blessed in the last few months and she wanted to share some of that blessing. She also said sho thought and prayed for us often. And there was a check for 50 dollars. The Lord knows who this woman is. But her used her, he used her to restore my faith, and answer my prayer. So, I want to say a very special thank you to her a God. I feel inspired and reminded as to who is in charge.

-Malissia

Monday, February 23, 2004 7:58 AM CST

Good morning.

First of all, I want to say that I am a little sorry for my last journal entry. I try to always sound positive, but sometimes I feel as though I have to share what I am really thinking about.

We are doing great here. Well, great other than I think Abby may be getting a little cold. She had been coughing just a bit, and now she is sneezing. She seems to feel pretty good though, so I am not worried about it.

We are excited about her birthday on Saturday. We are going to have it at CiCi's. I am not the greatest birthday party planner. But, we plan on getting her some balloons and a SpongeBob cake. I am sure she will have a good time.

Well, I am going to go, I will give a better update later, sometimes it is nice not to have much to update though. :)

Friday, February 20, 2004 10:08 AM CST

Well, here it is friday again. I can not believe that I went over a week without updating. I am sorry about that. We are all doing OK here. Abby is asleep at the moment, so I thought I would update her site. I am sure that we will be busy this weekend, so I thought I had better take advantage of the opportunity.

Abby has a knot on her shoulder from one of her immunizations. I hope that will hurry up and go away. It probably does not bother her too much, but it bothers me. It does not look bad or anything, but I can see where he arm is swollen a bit. We will be in clinic on Wednesday. I don't dread going, but I don't look forward to it either. we like seeing all of our friends at the hospital, but the moment we get called back into the exam room, Abby throws one more fit; tears, snot, drool, the whole nine yeards. I hate to see her upset. I know our visits are necessary, and I am very thankful that they are every two months now.

We are excited about Abby's birthday. It is hard for me to believe that she is going to be two years old next Saturday. Sometimes I feel a little bit cheated, I don't know by who though. I don't blame God, but Abby was diagnosed so young, and I feel like I was so worried about her being OK that it was hard for me to enjoy her the way I wanted to when I was little. When I was pregnant, I NEVER dreamed that I would be changing central line dressings, flushing lines, wishing I could give her a bath every day, begging her to suck a bottle, even though she did not understand anything other than her tummy did not want it because of chemo, and putting as many clothes on her as possible in efforts of her pulling out her hickman. I think I worried so much about things that I missed out a little. I wanted her treatment to hurry up and be over with, and be what she needed to make her well. And she is doing good, but she is going to be two. Where did time go, where did my baby go? I go up to her and ask her if I can have a kiss, and unless she is in an affectionate mood, she turns her head and says, "NO"! I really should not complain though. I feel so very fortuante that she is doing so well. She has been in remission for 15 months now. Sometimes I tell people that, and they look confused. Noone ever imagines a 4 month old with cancer, but it happens. It happens a lot more than it should.

Sometimes I think the world is a terrible place. I have met so many people, good people who don't hope to attain wealth or fame, they just want their child to live, and then when they don't I wonder why? I try so hard to have faith. And if you ask most ministers they say that we are all born in sin, and I guess that is true, and they say it all goes back to the Garden of Eden, and the first sin, and that is what we all suffer from. Well, I would love to slap Eve upside the head a few good times. I hope that was not a blasphemous comment. No one ever said life is fair, I don't know how many times I have heard that. Well, I am here to tell you that it IS NOT FAIR AT ALL. And I am not referring to Abby's situation. Maybe a little bit... but I am referring to those parets who find out that there is no hope. I am referring to my best friend when I was in second grade who went in to have a tonsilectomy, and never woke up. I just don't understand. I would be happy to listen to anyone who feels they can offer me an explination. I have also heard the old cliche, what does not kill us makes us stronger, but... I don't think that is me. I don't watch the news anymore, nor read the paper, it damages my faith. I have rambled on enough here.

Back to Abby. She is doing great, and we good too. We are excited about her birthday and being able to get together with family and friends to celebrate it.

Please pray for Miranda, www.caringbridge.org/nc/mirandarae and pray for all of the others who are sick too.

-Malissia

P.S. The new picture of Abby was taken earlier this week. She decided to make a bed out of my laundry basket! :o)

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 7:46 AM CST

First of all I want to tell everyone that I hope you don't mind seeing this picture of Abby again. It was taken back in November, I think. I just love this picture. Before I ever found out I was going to have a baby, Steve told me that he hoped he had a cute little girl one day who had bangs and pony tails. When she was diagnosed, it broke my heart. But then when her hair fell out, it was so sad. After Abby finished her chemo, her hair grew back fast though. One day when Steve was at work, I was playing with Abby's hair, and I got to thinking... I decided that she might just have enough hair to put in pony tails, so I decided to try it. When he came home, he thought it was so cute, and I took this picture to commemorate the moment. So, that is the story as to why I just adore this picture.

As for us, there really is not any new news in the Loucks household. I took Abby to the health department yesterday, and she had three shots. She was not a happy camper. But, we managed to get the second half of her flu shot. I could not believe that they had them. I just decided to ask, expecting that they wouldn't, and to my surprise, they did. Abby also got her chicken pox vaccine, and one other. She has to have one more in June, and then none until she is 4. What a relief to have all of those out of the way. Poor thing, she threw a screaming mad fit. I hate to see her have to go through stuff. She knows so much, and she knew what was coming when we went into the office. But, it is over now for a while. Now all we need to do is go to clinic on the 25th, and maybe we will be set for a while. I don't know though. I don't know when Dr. Golembe will want her to have her next CT scan. We did not discuss it, so I am expecting March unless I hear otheriwse when we go to clinic.

Only 17 days until Abby turns 2. I am sure that we are going to have a SpongeBob cake for her. Abby likes SpongeBob about as much as I liked the Smurfs when I was little. I think I could have watched them all day, and I know she could watch SpongeBob for hours on end if it was left up to her. There is only so much that a mommy can handle though.

I want to continue to thank those of you who check up on Abigail and keep us in your prayers. It is nice to know we are loved. Please continue to pray for Abby, and some prayers for Steve and I are also appreciated. Also, pray for all those who are suffering no matter what the reason. Sometimes I feel like saying please pray for the children who are suffering from cancer, but then I think about adults who are suffering too, and then there are those who have other illnesses which are just as serious. So, just pray for everybody. Thanks for stopping by, and God bless you today.

-Malissia

Monday, February 9, 2004 8:56 AM CST

Good morning everyone. First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you who continue to pray for us. Thanks to those of you who stop by and check on Abigail. It really means a lot to us knowing that so many people care about us, and chek on our daughter regularly. Thank you for the prayers, thoughts, and love.

I want to ask you all to visit the rainbow children website. It has a list of several of the children who are treated at Carolina's Medical Center. Many of the kids who are listed on the sight are doing well, but some are not that great, and they would love some prayer too.

Tomorrow will not be a fun day for me or Abigail. We have to be at the Health Department at 8:15. Abby is due for the rest of her immunizations. She is going to have 5 tomorrow. I feel so sorry for her. I know she is not going to have a good day.

As for my cousin Jan, and her son Kenneth... Kenneth is doing OK. Jan, however, is most likely going to lose her eye. I hate it for her. God knows I do. Thank God for air bags and seat belts though, or she would not be alive.

We are all doing good though. Wish we had more money, but doesn't everybody. One day we will get everything paid for, but it will not be today or tomorrow. We do good to get out house payment made and our utilities, and buy groceries. I don't know how we will ever pay all of the medical expenses owed on Abigail.

Our DVD player died!!! I am very mad about it too. As many of you know, Steve works in the field of electronics. Steve bought me an expensive DVD player for my birthday a year and a half ago, it was two weeks before Abby's diagnosis. It is a PANASONIC, and I am quite annoyed about it. We have not even used it that much, so there was no reason for it to die so soon. I found several people on line who have had the same thing happen. Luckily, Steve can fix it with a different spindle motor. But, the way it was made was very low quality, and it was supposed to be one of the best. I know this all seems mundane, but... Abigail loves to watch Sponge Bob, and she has not been able to see him since Thursday. So, she keeps going around telling me she wants to watch him. Maybe we can get it going tonight.

Saturday night we are going to a Valentine Banquet at church. I am sure that will be a lot of fun. We get to eat steak. Yummy!!!

Take care, and God bless all of you.

Malissia, Steve, and Abby

Monday, February 2, 2004 10:48 AM CST

Hello everyone. Hope you are all doing OK. Thanks for stopping by to check on Abigail.

What can I say about Abby? Well, she is an absolute delight. Abby is doing very well, and growing like a weed. I can't believe that she will be 2 in 26 days. I am going to get her a SpongeBob cake. I would also like to purchase some stuffed characters from the show, maybe a Squidward, or Sandy, so if anyone knows where I can possibly get some, PLEASE let me know.

I am so thankful that Abby is doing well. We go next week for more immunizations. I am not looking forward to that, but we will be OK. Then we will be in clinic on February 25th. It seems so odd to be skipping a month. I feel almost like something is missing, because we are so accustomed to our doctor visits. Abby is doing very well with her eating, simply because I am being careful. She eats most of the same stuff that we do. I am so proud of my little girl. She is truly an inspiration.

I have a prayer request. My first cousin, Jan, was in a very serious car accident on Friday afternoon. Jan lives in Alabama and she is 29. She and her son Kenneth, who is 9 month old suffered some serious injuries. Thankfully they were both properly restrained or it would have been fatal. Jan's air bag opened on impact, and it messed up her face pretty bad, but her biggest problem is one of her eyes. She was having some bad pain in her head, because she had bleeding behind her eye. Unfortunately, I don't have too many details other than the fact that she has been blind in that eye since the accident. She is going to be seen at the Eye Foundation in Birmingham today, so I may know more later. The doctors fear her blindness may be permanent. Kenneth has a scull fracture, and his liver enzymes are very high. Please pray for them. They have released her from the hospital so she can be with her son. I can't imagine how scared she must be.

Steve and I are doing great. He is at work right now, and I have been cleaning all morning. I have been washing pillows, bedding, vaccuming, etc. All of that fun stuff, and I decided to take a break to update. Thank all of you for stopping by to check on Abby. I will update again as soon as I find out more details about my cousin.

Thursday, January 22, 2004 11:20 AM CST

Good afternoon. First of all I want to tell everyone who checks up on Abby that I am sorry that I have not updated sooner. Abby has been attached to me at the hip lately. She is so sweet and affectionate, but she only wants me to do what she wants to do. So, it is hard to get a chance to update sometimes.

I want to thank everyone from Child Life for recommending us to go see Barney. Abby had a great time, and so did we. I took several more pictures, so if anyone wants to see more pictures of us with Barney, just let me know.

We are doing great here though. Abby seems to feel really well, and she is doing some new stuff, including saying "uh oh". She just started saying uh oh this week, and it is so cute. Any time she drops something, or her episode of SpongeBob is over, or whatever, she takes advantage of her new word.

I am a little sad. My baby is not a baby anymore. She is going to be 2 next month. It seems like just yesterday she was in her little infant car seat anytime we went anywhere, and she just weighed 6 pounds. I sometimes look at her, and become absolutely mesmerized, or just filled with awe. they grow so fast don't they? It seems like one day you have an infant, and then you turn around, and they are not babies anymore. We are not going to talk about her getting any bigger yet, because I am not in any hurry. I never dreamed I would love being a mommy so much, or that God would give me such an amazing, inspiring, beautiful little girl. Steve and I sure do have a lot to be thankful for, and we realize it.

I appreciate everyones' prayers for us. We feel them all the time. I wish Abby had never been diagnosed with cancer, or her esophageal atresia, however... through our journey we have met so many amazing people. We have a wonderful Doctor. Dr. Golembe, we love you! And not to mention a great nurse too, Jennifer, we love you too. When we go to clinic, we recognize so many people on the 7th floor who work in many different jobs at CMC, and YOU ARE ALL AMAZING! I think God must have a special place for those who devote their life to the wellness of children. Thank all of you for your love and concern. I can only wish that all the children who are sick could receive care as good as we get.

Please continue to pray for us and for all of those who are sick and/or suffering. I will update again soon.

-Malissia

Friday, January 16, 2004 4:21 PM CST

Hi everyone. I am just going to do a quick update. I don't have too much time this evening, but all is well here at the Loucks' house. Abby is doing great. She is so excited about going to see Barney tomorrow. I know she is going to have a great time, and there will be pictures.

Please continue to pray for us.

Thursday, January 8, 2004 9:45 AM CST

Hi there all.

We seem to be moving right along here. Abby is doing well. She is over her cold. Right now I am geting used to the fact that we have to watch SpongeBob every day half of the day. Abby got the first season on DVD for Christmas, and every morning after she eats, she starts pointing at the TV and saying Bob Bob. She is so funny. Then when is comes on and the song starts, she gets up and starts dancing to it. I never dreamed that she would becomd so crazy over SpongeBob. She recognizes the characters too. She knows who they all are, and points at them when I name them. She also got a huge SpongeBob from my mom and stepdad for Christmas, and she likes to sit with it when she is watching him. So, Abby is doing fine.

I do have some prayer request. My mom and stepdad have a very close friend named Billy. Billy is in the hospital right now, and he has a lot going on, and is going to be having some major surgery. This all came unexpected, and I ask that you all pray for him.

There is also a very special little girl in Florida named katia. Katia is 3 years old, and she has leukemia. She relapsed several months ago. Katia has a fungus in her lungs, and Monday, she is going to have one of her lobes of her lungs removed. This is necessary before transplant. She has been in the hospital for months now. I don't even remember how long, but a LONG time. I think since the end of August. To look at her, you would have no idea that she is sick, but she is fighting a huge monster. Please have her in your prayers. Her site is http://www.caringbridge.org/fl/katia_leukemiapage/index.htm

I know that there are so many others who need prayers. Please pray for all of those who are sick. We have to find a cure to this monster called cancer.

-Malissia

Friday, January 2, 2004 1:11 PM CST

I just wanted to do a quick update to let you all know that we have some good news. Abby's CT scan came back clear. Also, because she is doing well, we are no longer going to be going to clinic once a month, we will now get to go every two months. I don't know what to think since we will not have to go every month. It seems unreal, we are so used to going to see Dr. Golembe that it has become a completely normal part of our lives.

On another interesting note... Abby is going to get to meet Barney on February 17th. I know that she will have a wonderful time. Thank you to all of the employees in Child Life. You have done so much for us since Abby's diagnosis, and we are forever greatful, especially to Amy and Susan. You both feel like family members.

I will update more later, but in the mean time. Continue to pray for us, and all of the people who are battling devistating illnesses.

God Bless,

-Malissia

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 8:00 AM CST

Well, we made it back home. Steve, Abby and I had a wonderful Christmas. It was the best yet, that is for sure. Abby got some very nice gifts including some beautiful clothes, stuffed animals, Sponge Bob DVD's, shoes, a huge Sponge Bob, a toy box, and a play kitchen. I have no idea how we managed to fit it all in the car to get it home, but we did. I want to say thank you to all of my family and friends who helped make this a wonderful Christmas. It seemed like a vacation almost. I know that Steve was glad to be off work, and we had such a great time visiting with relatives and friends.

Now we are back, and things are getting back to normal. Abigail has a CT scan tomorrow at 12:00, and a doctor's appt. before that at 10:00. Not looking forward to that. It is nothing against Dr. Golembe or his wonderful staff. Going to the hospital just plain sucks though. Abby will be in a BAD mood, and it will just be an all day event. Oh well, Praise God that is all we have to do. Abby is doing well on her soft food diet. We just have to be sure everything she eats is very small, and all is well.

I am going to update more later, but just wanted to let everyone know we are home, and we are fine. Hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and we wish you a wonderful new year.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 7:56 AM CST

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

We are getting ready to go to Alabama tomorrow. We are very exctied. The last time we went was for the 4th of July. We try to visit about twice a year. When Steve and I got married, we planned to go every couple of months, but that was before Abby was diagnosed. And so, no the time and the money are issues.

Abby is doing much better. Thank you to all of those who have been praying for her. Her fever is gone, and she is really not coughing much either. She has been so acitve the last few days, trying to get into anything and everything. I feel like we have everything baby proofed pretty well, but she still manages to surprise me sometimes.

I have a prayer request. There have been soooo many families, especially in the caring bridge community, in the last week who have lost their loved ones. I can't imagine the sadness they must be feeling, the hopelessness, and right around Christmas makes it a lot worse I am sure. Please pray for those who will not be able to celebrate Christmas with their children this year. And give your child an extra hug for them. Cherish every day, for tomorrow is definately not promised.

I will probably not update for a few days, we are leaving tomorrow, and will return on Sunday. But, I promise pictures when I get back.

Pray for Abby's CT scan on December 31. Pray that it all looks good. And pray for us to have a safe trip. God bless all of you this holiday season.

-Malissia

Friday, December 19, 2003 8:25 AM CST

Good morning. Today, is Friday, and I am just sort of out of it. Christmas is less than a week away, and I have done practically no shopping, not that there will be a lot of shopping... but things have just been kind of hectic.

Abigail is feeling better though, and I am so thankful for that. I just feel a bit out of sorts today. My sister called me yesterday. I went to a small school K-12. There were less than 500 students in the whole school, so you sort of knew everybody. Anyway... I graduated from high school with a girl named Wendy. Wendy's brother, Kenneth, was three years older than us, but I remember him very well, he was in the same grade as a cousin of mine. Kenneth and his little boy died in a house fire the other night. Then, this morning, I went to check on Jake. www.caringbridge.org/nc/hopefor I never knew jake that well, but I remember seeing him a time or two during Abigail's treatments. Jake was also diagnosed with neuroblastoma stage III. I went to sign Jake's guestbook, and I found out that he passes away last night. My heart just goes out to these families. Life seems so unfair at times. Any anyone who has ever had a child with cancer... your life is never the same. oh, the same sort of things go on, but you never look at things the same way again. You cherish every moment, you want to hug your child a million times a day. I could just hug Abigail and never let go. Steve and I love her soooo much. And we cherish every moment. We know where we have been, and we realize how precious every moment is.

I don't know why Jake had to die, or any other children for that matter. I question God so much these days. To be a woman, and to carry a baby who seem so healthy, and then when your child is a couple of months old, two, or even thirty, and find out they have a devistating, life threatening illness. It seems so unfair. To watch your loved one suffer and know there is not a damn thing you can do about it. I just feel so lonely for so many people. I pray that Abby's esophagus complications will ease up, and that her cancer never comes back. I don't want to have to experience those feelings again.

Anyway... please continue to pray for us. The picture of Abby that I put up today is her now and a year ago. It is a reminder as to where we have been, and where we are now.

-Malissia

Wednesday, December 17, 2003 3:57 PM CST

I just have a few minutes here. Sponge Bob just came on, so Abby will be content watching him for a few.

I just wanted to ask everyone to pray for Abby. Seems she has a virus that is going around. She has been coughing and has a fever. It is probably not that big of a deal. I called the doctor, and the nurse told me that as long as her fever does not go really high or last over three days, it would be OK; as there is nothing that can be done for a virus but treat the symptoms. So, I am giving her Tylenol, Pedicare, and plenty of fluids. Please just pray that she gets better, as we have plans to go out of town for Christmas.

Other than that, we seem to be OK. Her CT scan was changed, we will have it on December 31st.

Just remember us when you pray, and please go by the rainbow of hope website (link is at the bottom of the page) and visit some of those kids. Some are doing great, but some need your prayers, especially Jacob.

God bless everyone this holiday season.

-Malissia

Wednesday, December 10, 2003 8:09 AM CST

Hey there all you Abby fans. Sorry the updates are so sporadic, but Mommy has been kind of busy lately.

Not really too much new news on Abigail. She remains on a soft food diet. Which kind of breaks my heart sometimes, because she wants to eat what we are eating, and she can't always. Other than that, we seem to be doing OK. Abby has clinic next Wednesday and a CT scan so we will be spending a fun filled day at CMC, NOT!!! Tomorrow we will be going on an adventure to the Health Department to resume immunizations. I don't look forward to that either. Saturday, however, will be a fun day. That is when we are going to see Disney on Ice. Oh Boy! I know Abby is going to have fun.

We are planning to go see my family this Christmas. We will be in Alabama, and I am excited about that.

I have to make this short, Abby is calling me, but I promise for more later.

-Malissia

Thursday, December 4, 2003 8:29 AM CST

Hello all you Abby fans.

There really isn't that much new going on. We had a great Thanksgiving. It was nice visiting with our families. We went to Steve's mom's for Thanksgiving dinner, and then my mom came up that night. We had a lovely visit, however they left a day early because my grandmother who I have been worried about did not feel good. I found out yesterday that she was admitted to the hospital. They think everything is OK, but she is dehydrated. Her doctor changed her blood pressure medicine about a month ago, and they think that is where all of her problems have been coming from. So, they have changed it again, and given her some new allergy medicine. We are praying that this fixes her up.

We are so excited. Next Saturday Steve, Abby, and I will be going to see Disney on Ice. I know that Abigail is going to have a WONDERFUL time. I can't wait to see the look on her face!

Other than that, not too much is new. We are going to go to Alabama for Christmas. That will be nice. My prants and my brother and sister live there, along with my extended family. It will be great to see everyone.

Please continue to pray for all of the kids who are sick. Pray for the rainbow children. And pray for us.

-Malissia

Wednesday, November 26, 2003 12:31 AM CST

Hello all you Abby fans.

We got some good news, and we got some not so good news. We will start with the good news first. The good news is that my step-grandmother has calcium deposits on her lungs, and nothing more. They are not tumors. THANK YOU LORD!

The bed news is... we ended up in the emergency room last night with Abigail. Steve gave her a few tiny meatballs, hardly bigger than an english pea, and they got stuck in her esophagus. She could not get them to go down, and she could not get them up either. She was drooling, and she could not drink anything. So, I called the answering service for her doctor, and the nurse told us to take her to the emergancy room. It turned out not being too bad though. We sat there for a bit after they called us back. Several people had come in, and they called in a pediatric surgeon. We talked to him, and he said before they took her to surgery, maybe we should try one more time to see if she could drink anything. Well, she did. She drank a whole small styrofoam cup of gatoraide. Boy, weren't we glad!!! He then told us we had two options. We could either go home, and bring her back if it happened again, or we could stay a little longer and do another barium swallow test. So, we opted to stay for the test. The food had passed, but Abigail still has a stricture in her esophagus at her repair site. So, we are only to give her very soft food. I don't know for how long. It makes me so sad though. We go out to eat, and I see all these other children her age eating all sorts of stuff like pizza and hamburgers, and big noodles. She can't eat anything like that. I hope that one day she can. Maybe as she gets older she will understand that she has to chew her food very good, and things will improve. She has a CT Scan next month, and we will go see Dr. Golembe, and see what he suggest. I just hope that we can continue to periodically dilate her esophagus, and that will be it. I don't want this to turn in to something that will require a major surgery. Her esophageal atresia repair was not something to laugh about. She has a very large scar under her arm where thd doctor made an incision. Then he had to collapse one of her lungs to get to her esophagus, and she was on a ventilator for a few days. I never want to relive that. And as she gets older it would be a lot harder on her. PLEASE pray that things will get better.

Other than that, not too much is going on. I am trying to get our house cleaned up, but Abigail wants me to play so it is not working out too good.

Tomorrow we are going to eat Thanksgiving dinner with Steve's mom, sister and two neices. Then tomorrow night my mom, stepdad, and stepgranmother will be in about midnight. They are going to be staying until Sunday, so it is crucial that I get everything cleaned up today. I am just very tired. We got home about midnight last night, and I did not get to sleep until after one A.M. Then about 5 o'clock, I woke up, my nose was all stopped up, and I started sneezing. I got up and blew my nose several times, and every time I laid back down in just stopped up again, and I needed to sneeze. So, I did not get much sleep last night. I hope my allergies did not interfere too much with Steve's sleep. I know I woke him up a few times, but he said he was not tired when I talked to him earlier, so maybe he is OK.

Anyway... I had better go. I have a million things to do. When you pray, remember us. God bless and Happy Thanksgiving.

-Malissia

Tuesday, November 25, 2003 10:03 AM CST

Sorry it has taken so long to update again. we have just been very busy getting ready for Thanksgiving and all.

I want to tell everyone that we are so sad about the passing of Noah Jay. www.caringbridge.org/mn/noahjay He fought hard, and recently became an angel after enduring horrific pain. We are saddened to lose another member of the caring bridge family. I never know what to say, but maybe some of you can offer his family some comfort and support.

I also want to ask that everyone pray very hard for Abigail's step-grandmother. She is going to see a lung specialist today. She had never smoked a day in her life, but we are very afraid. Her doctor said that she has two masses in her lungs, and that they appear to be in bad condition. I talked to her yesterday on the phone, and I can tell that she is very worried. She told me that she had taken chemo once and she would do it again. She was diagnosed with colon cancer about 28 years ago, and has a colostomy ever since, and then she had a brain tumor in '95. Surely she has been through enough.

Sometimes I have a hard time dealing with the suffering of the innocent. Our preacher is going to do a series in January on this matter, and I hope it can offer some insight. I know that if only people we thought were bad (even though we are not supposed to judge) developed cancer, and other devistating illnesses, there would be no compassion. But at the same time... I still wonder why? I know that some people are put here for a long time, and others just for a short time. But sometimes when you see a child that is so sick, or hear of a bad story, you can't help but wonder why. I can't stand to watch the news anymore really. I just see all the bad things going on, and it makes me so sad for so many people. Sometimes I just wish that Christ would come right now, and take us up to heaven with him, but then... I think Steve is at work, and I want us to go hand in hand. And then I think of the people I know and love who are lost, and I pray for Him to just wait a little longer. One day we will have all the answers.

On the other hand, things are going pretty smoothly around here. Abby sure is eating better, and it seems as though she is getting bigger overnight. She is not even two yet, and this is her vocabulary: mama, dada, nana, baba (all food is a baba), meow, baby, abby, shoe, sock, hot, coffee, hi, bye-bye, I, love, juice, and Bob-Bob (that is what she calls Sponge Bob. Wow, that is 16 words, and there are probably more, I just can't think of them. They asked me at the hospital if she could speak 3-6 words, and I was like Oh yeah! And the thing is, she understands a lot more than she can say. It amazes me how every day she seems to learn something new.

Well, I had better go, she is calling for me. I will write more later.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

-Malissia

Wednesday, November 19, 2003 9:46 AM CST

Sorry I did not update after telling that we had to go to the doctor on Monday... but I was not able. We ended up in the hospital.

Seems as though Abby's esophagus had a stricture. She could not swallow anything because her esophagus was constricted, and she had a small piece of pickle of all things stuck above it. So, after the mystery was all solved, she had to be anesthesized (I don't know if that spelling is correct) and the piece of pickle of all things, had to be removed. Then her esophagus had to be stretched. It really was not that big of a deal, I was just scared until it was all over. I cried on Monday for an hour or so when I found out we were going to be admitted. Just because it was totally unexpected, and I did not know what was going on. But, we are home now, and everything seems to be fine.

I will write more later, but I wanted to just give a quick update.

-Malissia

Monday, November 17, 2003 6:19 AM CST

This is going to be short, but... I just want to ask everyone who comes by to say a special prayer for Miss Abigail this morning. She will be going to clinic this morning shortly after they open. She started having some trouble Saturday night swallowing. She can swallow fluids, but she will not eat anything. I am concerned that there may be some constriction around the scar where her esophagus was repaired, but that is just a guess. PLEASE pray that this is no big deal. I hate having to put her through something else. I am worried.

-Malissia

Monday, November 10, 2003 11:35 AM CST

Ok y'all. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update, but to be honest, we have just been very busy, and I had not taken the chance to do so.

A lot has been going on though. Some good, some bad. Abby's visit to clinic went well. She is doing good. She had a flu shot Friday, and it did not even upset her for too long. She cried, but pretty soon it was fogotten. We have scans next month, and she is supposed to resume her immunizations next month too, as it will be a year that she has been off chemo. We are coming up on a year that she has been in remission. I am so thankful. But I will never forget where we have been. Steve and I know what a special little girl Miss Abigail is, and we never take one smile, on hug, one kiss, or one word for granted. We just can't get enough of her. I read about what some of the caring bridge families are going through, and it just reinforces me to never take any moment for granted. My heart goes out to so many people right now. I would name names, or post links, but... I don't want to invade peoples privacy, and frankly there are so many, I would never finish. We know so many who are going through so much right now, and it is hard sometimes not to just feel down, and so sad for them. But we have to keep the faith. I just pray and pray for so many of you.

I guess I have been a bit down lately too. My grandmother, well she is really not my grandmother, my step-grandmother, and the only reason I say this, is so you know there is not a link to her and Abby, becauser she is a cancer survivor too, is going through some stuff right now. She has been more of a grandmother to me than either of my other grandmothers have. She is 69, I think. She was diagnosed with colon cancer in the 70's, and has lived with a colostomy ever since. Then about 8 years ago, ashe found out she had a non malignant brain tumor that had to come out. Well she had a cold, and she went to the doctor last week. She was coughing, and so just out of precaution her doctor said she needed a chest x-ray. The news was not good y'all. The doctor found two masses on her lungs. She was not able to get an appointment with a specialist until the 25th. I don't think I could handle not knowing what was going on for that long. We are praying that they are calcium deposits or something. I don't know how big these masses are, but we need EVERYONE to pray for her. She lives in Alabama, but she has visited us so many times since Abby was diagnosed. She is such a good Christian woman, and an inspiration to us. Please pray that everything will be all right. This lady has already had her share of bad things to deal with. And we don't need any more. She has outlived two husbands, and been through two HUGE health issues. Surely she has suffered enough?
I don't know why bad things happen to people. I wish I had the nswers, but I guess it is just not for us to know right now.

other than that, things are Ok, I guess. I am feeling much better. My ears are better, and I can hear again. Steve was sick, and he is better. But, he is having trouble smelling and tasting stuff. Please pray that he feels better soon. Abby is on antibiotics, because she is cauging now, and has a stuffy nose. I just worry so much about them. Steve's father and grandfather died of cancer. And once you have a child with cancer, you can never be naive anymore. I envy those who can sometimes.

Anyway... just keep us in your prayers.

-Malissia

Tuesday, October 28, 2003 1:41 PM CST

Hi everyone. Just wanted to give a quick update. Abby had WONDERFUL time at Sesame Street Live. She sat in my lap most of the time and she just kept rocking back and forth, laughing, pointing, and clapping. She enjoyed it so much. I am so thankful that we got to go.

Also, we attended the Rainbow of Hope meeting. It was nice being there, and sharing some of our thoughts and concerns with other cancer families.

Abby remains to do well. She has a little bit of a cough, but I am not surprised, as I have been sick for three weeks off and on now. I wake up in the morning coughing, but by about 12:00 I usually feel almost OK.

Other than that, not too much is going on. We will be back in clinic on November 7th.

Just pray that I get completely over this soon. And while you are praying, please remember all of those who are suffering from cancer and other illnesses.

-Malissia

Tuesday, October 21, 2003 9:04 AM CDT

Hello everyone.

Well, things seem to be getting better here. Abby is feeling good, and I am feeling better. With the exception of my ears feeling stopped up for the last few days. I don't know if I have a cold, allerigies, a sinus infection, or maybe all three, but it has not been fun.

We are so excited! We got a call yesterday from Amy from Child Life at CMC, and we are going to see SESAME STREET LIVE!!! We get to see Big Bird and the Cookie Monster, and maybe even Mr. Snuffleupagus!. I can not wait. I just know that Abby is going to have the time of her life. I can already imagine her sitting there all excited, eyes as big as saucers. It is going to be so much fun. Unfortunately, Steve has to work, because it is during the day, but a neighbor and her little boy are going with us. It is definately going to be so much fun! Then on Thursday night, Steve and I are going to go to the Rainbow of Hope meeting at CMC. This will be something a little different for us, since we have not participated in many of their events. Abby will get to play with the other kids, and Steve and I will eat dinner, and then there will be a speaker who talks about childrens' cancer issues.

Other than that not too much is going on. We just finished revival at church, and I feel pretty good about it. It was so ironic that the speaker talked about so many issues that I have not worked out in my head yet. he talked about people dying young, and how we do not have all the answers, yet we have to trust God anyway, because he is so much bigger than any of us are. Sometimes it makes you feel good to hear these things, because it reinforces the fact that we are not alone, there are others who wonder the same things, and ask the same questions. I just wonder why children have to suffer. And then when I think about our experiences with Abigail and her cancer, sometimes I can not help but be thankful in spite of it all, because there are so many who have had a much harder time than we have. We are so blessed. We still never stop praying though, thanking God, hugging her, and just loving on her. I will never take anything for granted again. And then soemtimes, I think about those parents whose children are no longer here to hug, and I just hug her more. My heart gets so sad for those who are suffering, and for their parents. You would think having a child with cancer, I would know what to say to them. But, it does not make it easier, because each person has a different experience. I feel it is my responsibility to tell everyone how good God is, and how he healed my child, but yet... sometimes, I almost feel guilty doing so, because I wonder why Abigail is OK, but others are not. I think most poeple know this, but it is NOT EASY BEING THE MOTHER OF A CANCER SURVIVOR. There are so many thoughts, so many issues that I probably would have never thought about, had Abby not been diagnosed. But, I am praying for all of you. God is good though, and He is the only one who knows the ultimate plan.

I just get so angry sometimes though. When I see people who abuse their children, people who don't take care of them, or take their health and their children for granted... pragnant women who don't take care of themselves. And I want to just walk up to them and call them out and shake them, and say what are you doing? But then again, who am I to judge. I would think that all that we have been through would have made me a much calmer person, but it hasn't. I get so angry sometimes. But, I guess that it natural. And then there are so many in the caringbridge family who have people come and say ugly things in their guestbooks. Why??? I have had some very hurtful things said to me in the past. Things I will never forget. What kind of monster says that to a stranger? It is a scary world when people act like that. Oh well, I am sorry to vent, sometimes things just have to be said, and feelings expressed.

Please continue to pray for us, and we will certainly be praying for you all.

-Malissia

Friday, October 17, 2003 8:13 AM CDT

Well, things seem to be going pretty good here. Abby and Mommy have had a little bit of a cough, Mommy more than Abby. I will be glad when winter is here, because the fall of the year is brutal for me.

This is picture of Abby was taken yesterday. Steve always said that he wanted a little girl with bangs and pony tails, so... yesterday was my first attempt to put Abby's hair in pony tails. Of course I had to take a picture for Steve, so I decided to share it with everyone. I think the picture is really cute, but... :( my baby is not a baby anymore. She looks so big.

There is not too much going on with us. I am just glad that it is Friday. Abby typically starts anywhere between 2 and 4 PM calling for her Da Da. And when I tell her that he is still working, but he will be home soon she cries even more. She is crazy about her Daddy, but then again, so am I. He really does do a good job. He is a great father and a great husband.

Other than that, not too much new is going on. I know a lot of children and adults who need prayer. Please continue to pray for our friend Paris who has neuroblastoma. Also pray for all of the rainbow of hope children. Pray for those fighting cancer, and other illnesses. And please pray for us too.

Until next time, may God bless you all.

-Malissia

Friday, October 10, 2003 12:40 AM CDT

Hello everyone. Just wanted to take a few minutes and let you all know what is going on in Abby's world.

We went to see Dr. Golembe today. I sure am glad that I live in Charlotte, NC, because I don't think there is a better pediatric oncologist anywhere in the world. There might be some who are as good, but, none better. Abby has a little cold, I guess, but nothing serious. She is doing great though. She has gained weight. She is now up to an impressive 23 and a half pounds, and she is 32 and 2/3 inches tall. Wow. She sure is growing up so fast. I don't know what happened to that little baby that I had last year. She is just not little anymore. I talked with Dr. Golembe about Abby's deal with not chewing anything. He seems to think that she must be chewing a little bit, and maybe she is??? She sure is gaining weight. Anyway... he said that if we have not noticed a big difference in how she eats by the time she is 2, he would refer us to see someone, but right now, he is just going to leave it alone, and that is fine by me.

We are getting excited here about Halloween. Abby's Nana, Bop Paw, (as she calls him) and great-Nana are coming up to spend the night Halloween night. It is a long trip to spend one night, but Bop Paw has to be back to preach at church on Sunday morning.

I was contacted by the quilting angels yesterday, they want to make a special quilt for Abby, made just for her with what she would want on it. I think that is such a sweet thing to do. I didn't know that the quilting angels even existed, but now we do, and I am sure that Abby will love whatever quilt they decide to make for her. THANK YOU QUILTING ANGELS!!!

I just want to remind everyone to please pray for all of the sick kids. We have got to find a cure to all of these childhood cancers and other medical problems. It is so sad that these kids have to go through what they do. Please pray for the parents too, and especially for the parents who have children who are now in heaven. May God bless all of you.

-Malissia

Friday, October 3, 2003 7:54 AM CDT

I just want to thank those of you who have stopped by lately and signed Abby's guestbook. Your words and thoughts are very encouraging. Tammy, to hear that you are 33 years old, and a neuroblastoma survivor is just so awesome. I pray that God continues to bless you.

As for what is going on here. Abby is growing in to a big girl. She is so smart, and so sweet. She goes around kissing all of her toys, and carrying her stuffed ones like they are babies. She will either cradle them in her arms, or she will lean them over her shoulder and pat their backs. It is so sweet.

We will be in clinic for our monthly visit on October 8, which is Steve's birthday. Abby has a little bit of a cough, just a couple of times a day, so I have been giving her sudafed. Other than that, everything is good for us.

I have no idea what Abby and I will get Steve for his birthday. He keeps buying her all of these ducks. Every time we go somewhere and we see a duck, Steve gets it. So, now she has over a dozen. I was kidding him last night, and I told him that Abby would probably buy him a duckie for his birthday. But, I really don't know what to get him. He is not in to clothes, he could really care less as long as he is presentable, but he is not clothes crazy. He likes power tools. He is not a sports fan. And so... what can Mommy and Abby get for him? I do not know. Oh well!

Please continue to pray for everyone who is sick. I say everyone, because there are children and adults alike who are battling illnesses, and I say illnesses, because there those who do not have cancer, but there conditions are just as threatening and devistating.

-Malissia

Monday, September 22, 2003 7:57 AM CDT

Hi everyone. Sorry it has been a while since the last update. Things have just been very busy around here. The good news is that Abby’s CT scan was clear. Hallelujah! I know the Bible teaches us about faith, and we are suppose to have faith, but… I still hold my breath until we get the results back each time.

Abby is doing so good though. She has gained a little, she is about 20 and a half pounds now. She is so sweet and loving. Her personality is absolutely infectious.

Other than that, not too much is going on here. We just had a very busy weekend. Steve has a birthday coming up on October 8, and I am totally clueless about what to get him. I don’t know why I make it so difficult, but… I am really idealess.

Please continue to pray for everyone who is going through illness right now. Continue to pray for us, and we will be praying for y’all.

-Malissia

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 3:36 PM CDT

Hello to all of the Abby fans. I just want you all to know that Abby is doing so good. She is walking all over the place. She has been so affectionate lately giving me hugs and kisses. She is so sweet. She misses her Daddy when he is at work, because she says DaDa a lot during the day, and she walks over to the window to look out and see if his car is in the driveway yet. It is so sweet.

Please remember that Abby has a CT scan on September 17. Pray that we continue to get good news, and that her cancer never comes back.

Please pray for all of the kids who are sick and suffering right now, and pray for the familes who have lost their children to this horrible monster. There are so many familes and children I am not going to attempt to name them all, but the Lord knows who they are.

I just want to thank everyone for caring so much about our daughter. She is truly a blessing, and we love her so much. We appreciate all of the prayers. Keep them coming.

Until next time...

God bless everyone.

-Malissia

Wednesday, September 3, 2003 3:54 PM CDT

Abby is doing great. She has quit crawling for the most part, and she has a lot more energy than I do. I am so happy that things are going well for her. We have an upcoming CT Scan on the 17th, so please send out your prayers. As usual, I am not looking forward to this event. It is always stressful for me, because I feel like Abby has cried enough to last a lifetime already... any time we go to the doctor and Abby sees a pair of rubber gloves she knows that some sort of invansive event is coming. And she is so little, she just does not understand why she is being "tortured".

I would like to ask everyone to please say a few extra prayers for Steve and myself. Steve is having some serious problems at work. He is the one with the insurance, and it really frightens me. Also, I am having trouble with two of my wisdom teeth. I should have had them cut out ten years ago, but I didn't, and now they are bothering me. When I close my motuh it seems like they touch first and they are very sore. There is no solution except for them to be removed. I don't know if they can be pulled or if I will have to have them cut out, but I can assure you that either way... it will be an ordeal for me. I don't do well in the dentist office. I always get very nervous.

I hope to post some new pictures of Abby soon. I don't know why I have such a difficult time doing it, but... every time I try to post a new pic it end up being HUGE. What am I doing wrong? Anyone who has any input as to how to correct this problem I would greatly appreciate. But she is so cute, and she gets ucter every day, and her hair is so long now. I put it in a pony tail on top of her head and she looks like Pebbles from "The Flinstones", just without the bone.

I will update again soon. In the mean time... God bless everyone, and don't forget to pray for all of the sick people.

-Malissia

Monday, August 18, 2003 1:11 PM CDT

Hey there everyone. Sorry I have not updated in a while. We have just been very busy. Things are not going that great. Steve has been having some trouble at work, and he is the one with the insurance. We could certainly use some prayers.

Not too much else happening. Abigail will be having a CT scan on the 17th, so please keep that in mind when you pray.

Also, I am going to have to have my wisdom teeth removed when I have the money. They are giving me some problems. I should have had it done ten years ago, but... I was scared then, and I am scared now.

I am going to make this short today. Just don't forget to pray for all of the sick kids and their families. We have got to find a cure.

-Malissia

Thursday, August 14, 2003 2:59 PM CDT

I just got sick at my stomach today. I learned today that someone with a caringbridge page was a fraud. It was a new page and something that probably not too many people knew of, but that upset me so bad. It seems as though there are people out there who pretend to have children with illnesses. Obviously this person must be MENTALLY ILL!!! Who would pretnd to have a child, and then pretend it was sick??? As much as we have to go through, who would want that??? It really makes me angry, as I can not imagine anyone doing such. Reguardless, caringbridge has removed the page. There are not too many things that make me mad, but that makes me mad. The thought of hurting for someone's child that does not exist. We deal with enough together, and many families are dealing with crisis together. And then God forbid if she had asked for money... I feel like... well nevermind, we won't go there.

Oh well...

Other than that, things are going good here. Not any new news though. I am going to try to get some new pictures of Abby up as soon as I can. I hope everyone has a good weekend.

-Malissia Loucks

Tuesday, August 12, 2003 2:12 PM CDT

Well, things seem to be going pretty good here. We went to see Dr. Golembe yesterday, and everything went well, well everything other than Abby throwing a fit the entire time we were there. She gets so mad when they take her vital signs, and when she sees someone put on gloves, she knows what is coming. And it is not nice. I hate it, because there is no way to explain to a 17 month old that it is necessary.

Abby is doing good though. She will have a CT Scan on September 17th. I don't look forward to that, because she usually cries for a solid hour afterwards. But at least she is doing well.

Abby is still crazy about sucking her thumb, but I do wish she would give it a break every now and then. Her thumb just looks pitiful. The skin is all cracked, but it must not hurt too much because she won't leave it alone.

Steve and I are doing well. I am enjoying playing the piano for the church, and I have even taken on two piano students. It is very nice getting paid for something you enjoy so much.

I just want to thank everyone for their prayers. I ask that everyone remember all who are sick. At first, I just asked people to pray for all of the kids with cancer, but then I start to think that there are a lot of kids suffering who have other things than cancer. And then I think well, it is not just kids who are sick. There are sick teenagers, sick adults, sick elderly. And then there are those who are not sick who still need prayers for various other reasons. So, I just ask for everyone to pray for everyone.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 11:05 AM CDT

Hello everyone. We have no news, so that is good news. Abigail is doing great. She is even chewing her food a little. She is now 16 months old. It is hard to believe how fast she is growing. And she is so spoiled. We certainly don't mind that though. She loves to give us kisses and hugs all the time. We won't be going to see Dr. Golembe until August the 11th. I guess then we will work on scheduling her next CT scan that will be due in September. I know Abby is in remission, and we certainly are praying people, and I have faith, but... I always get a little nervous when she has a CT scan.

My mom is shipping our digital camera by UPS. So, it should be here soon, and as soon as it gets here I will take some new pictures of Abby so that everyone can see what a big girl she is.

Thanks to everyone for all of the prayers. I will start playing the piano this Sunday, and I am really looking forward to it.

I would like to ask everyone to pray for a very special friend of ours named Tara. I don't think tara would mind me telling you all that she was diagnosed some time ago with Osteogenicsarcoma. (I guess that is one word, sure is a nasty one) Tara did 10 months of chemo, and had to have a bone removed in her leg. She is in remission, and finished up her chemo a couple of weeks after Abby did. She is having surgery on her leg on August 1st, and I would just appreciate everyone keeping her in their prayers. Tara is 16, and she is truly an inspiration to everyone she meets. Also please continue to pray for Paris, and all of the other children with cancer too.

Until next time... May God bless you all and give you strength.

-Malissia

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 3:40 PM CDT

Well Abby continues to do well. Steve and I are totally in love with her. She has such a plesant personality. Just when you are not expecting it, she will come over and stand up on her tip toes and raise her head up high to give us a kiss. It is so sweet. Her hair is really growing. I will put new pictures up as soon as I can. unfortunately we left our (better yet I left our) digital camera in Alabama when we went down for the 4th of July. My mom is going to send it, but has not yet. As soon as she does I will post some new photos.

Thank you for all of your prayers. I got a job playing the piano for a Methodist Church. I am very excited about it. I start August 3rd.

Other than that, not a lot is new. I am getting ready to start some dinner, and Abby is playing. Da-Da is still at work. I know he can not wait to get home, and I know Abby is ready too. Most evenings about 4:00 (he gets home at six) Abby starts saying Da-Da Da-Da Da-Da over and over and over, and going over to the front and the back door looking for him. She gets so excited when he comes in the door every night.

Please pray for all of the kids with cancer, especially: Paris, Miranda, Taylor, Spencer, and Harrison.

I also want to congradulate Abby's nurse, Jennifer. She just got married.

Finally, I want to thank our friend Janice who always signs Abby's guestbook and leaves the cutest little pictures. Thanks Janice.

Until next time, you pray for us, and we will praying for all of you.

Saturday, July 19, 2003 10:21 AM CDT

Hello to everyone. I am going to make this short, as Abby ias sleeping, and I expect her to wake at any moment. Basically things here are great. Abby still does not like to chew, but other than that, we are fabulous. We are all feeling great today, and I have an audition at a church tomorrow to start as their new piano player next month. Abby is just enjoying being a little girl. I can tell she is growing though, because she "checks out" more stuff everyday. Thanks everyone for all of your prayers.

Please pray for all of the kids with cancer, especially Miranda, Paris, Taylor, Spencer, and Harrison. God bless you all.

Thursday, July 10, 2003 7:46 AM CDT

Hello everyone. We are back. We got back home from Alabama on the 7th at about 11:00 P.M. or so. we had a wonderful time visiting my family.

Since we got home not too much has been going on. I am looking for a job. I need something at night, or maybe I can find something playing the piano or being a music director for a church. Steve and I just can not see putting Abby in daycare, but I am going to have to find a job doing something. So, please pray that something comes along. I have also been looking for work-at-home type employment that does not require telecommunications, but... that is just not happening.

Abby is doing well. She has had some diarrhea in the last couple of days, and I don't know why. I don't know if it is from something she ate, or if she got a bug from someone while we were visiting. But, she seems to feel fine. No fever or anything, so I am not too worried.

Please continue to keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers. I know that Steve has a lot on him trying to be a provider for the three of us, and I am really searching for somewhere to work. And Abby, she can always use your prayers. Thank you and take care.

Also please continue to pray from Paris in Australia. Her great-grandmother emailed me and told me that her cancer is still there. Not the news that they have been praying for. And continue to pray for all of the children with cancer. Maybe one day this epidemic will stop.

Wednesday, July 2, 2003 2:44 PM CDT

Hello everyone. Things are going pretty good for us here. We went to the doctor yesterday, and it was not the best visit. Abby threw a fit when the technicians tried to draw her blood. She ended up pulling the needle out of her arm, and where she would normally have a small puncture, she has a large one, and a big scratch on her arm. Dr. Golembe said that we would just wait until next month to draw her blood. She knows what they are up to now, and there is no way to convince a 16 month old to be still while a stranger is trying to stick a needle in her arm.

Other than that things are great. Abby continues to walk more and more every day. She weighs 19 pounds 8.something ounces. So, she is gaining, just a little bit each month, but she continues to gain. She is doing so good though. She has been very affectionate the last few days towards Steve and I. She likes to cuddle and sit beside us on the couch. She is so sweet. I know why she is so spoiled, it is because I feel like I could hold her forever. And I could. I love to hold her, because there have been times when I was not able to do so. Most people take advantage of the fact that they can just pick their baby up at any time and play with him/her. We don't because there were times when we had to be soooo careful. But not now, she is our lap baby.

Tomorrow monring we are off to Alabama to visit my family. It will be a nice getaway for all of us. Abby will get as much attention as she can stand, and Steve and I will get to have a little bit of fun too. My mom is a great cook, so I know we will be stuffed the whole time. And we plan to go canoeing with my brother and sister-in-law.

Not a whole lot going on besides that. I will try to get some new pictures up before long.

Please continue to pray for all of the children with cancer, and pray for those who make their job trying to make them better too. Pray for Paris in Australia (the little girl who is Abby's age with neuroblastoma) as far as I know she is doing pretty good, but I have not heard the results from her latest CT Scan. Hope everyone has a nice 4th of July.

God bless.

Wednesday, June 25, 2003 7:55 AM CDT

Good morning everyone. Well, it might not be morning by the time you read this, but it is morning now. Steve just left for work, and Abby went back to sleep... so I thought I would take advantage of the time and update.

Abby is doing awesome. She has started walking. She only takes a couple of steps at a time. But we are just so glad that she is finally reaching this big landmark. I know the chemotherapy and being put to sleep so many times has probably been the cause for her not walking sooner. But she sure is getting big. One of her favorite daily activities is going over to the piano and banging on the keys. She absolutely loves to do this, and Steve always tells her that she can play as good as mommy.

Abby has a big vocabulary now. She says DaDa, MaMa, Bye Bye, Hey, Uh-huh, Un-uh, Baby, Ba-Ba, Di-Di, NaNa, and a whole bunch of other stuff that we have yet to figure out.
We will be back in clinic on July 1 for her monthly visit. I don't anticipate any new news, since we already have the results of her CT scan. All that we will do is give them some urine and maybe a little bit of blood.

On Thursday, July 3, we will leave to go to Alabama, so we are very excited about that. Please pray that we have a safe trip. I also want to tell Tara (if she read this) that Steve and I are going to Carowinds for my birthday on Saturday, and I know you have a season pass, so maybe we will see you, and Ciara too. :o) I don't know what your weekend plans are.

Please continue to pray for all of the children with cancer, and for the ones with other problems as well. And remember to pray for Paris (the little girl with neuroblastoma in Australia). May God bless you all.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003 11:04 AM CDT

Hello to everyone. First of all, I want to thank all of you who have signed Abigail's guestbook. Thank you for your concern and love and support. Abby continues to do well. Still not chewing, but other than that, we have no complaints.

We are excited because Sunday Abby has a dedication at church. Steve is a little nervous because there are a lot of church members, and we expect about 2,500 people will be watching. I am not too scared though, because I am used to being in front of a croud. I have played the piano and sung so many places that audiences do not bother me. Abby has already been dedicated at one church, but I joined Hickory Grove when she was about 2 and a half months old. They wanted to do it sooner, but with the chemo and hospital stays, and then being immunocompromised, we all just thought it might be a good idea to wait. Since the service is televised, we can get a copy of the service on video, so we will have a permanent keepsake.

Abby has been very affectionate towards her daddy lately and it is so cute. We have a window on each side of the door, and so she goes over to the door every day and pulls the curtain over to the side and begins yelling DADA! And then when he does get home from work, she gets sooooo excited.

I got a call from Dr. Golembe's office yesterday. Seems as though he is having surgery next Monday, so he wanted to reschedule Abby's appointment for then. I sure hope that nothing is wrong with him. I did not ask, but I am going to be praying for him anyway.

We had a great Father's day. Steve's mom bought us tickets to Carowinds. We can use them any time this summer. My birthday is next Saturday, and so... she got us each a ticket, and volunteered to babysit. I don't know when we will go. We may go on my birthday. I can't wait. I love Carowinds, and we had season tickets last year, and we went one time. The next day was when we found out Abby had cancer, so we did not get to go again. What a bummer that was. Plus, if you don't get to go, it is not like you are going to get a refund. I didn't expect we would get to go this year, because we just don't have the money, so that was a nice surprise.

Other than that, not too much is going on. Please continue to pray that we have a safe trip to Alabama. Pray for Abby that she will continue to stay in remission. Pray for our friend Paris in Australia who is Abby's age and fighting neuroblastoma. Pray for all of the rainbow children, and for everyone else who is fighting cancer. Thanks for stopping by.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003 11:09 AM CDT

Hello everyone. It has been a beautiful day so far here in Charlotte, and I think it may actually reach about 90 degrees today. The weather has been a little unusual this year so far. It has rained so much that we have yet to have many days that are really hot. I don't miss the heat, but I sure do miss the sunshine.

Abby is doing great. She is talking up a storm. She says so many words. Her favorite word is DaDa, because she is certainly well on her way to becoming a Daddy's girl. She gets so excited when he comes through the door in the evenings. She also says MaMa, NaNa, BaBa (short for bottle) DiDi (short for diaper), Baby (the name of our cat), ByeBye, UhHuh, and Hey. Wow, that is 9 words. I think that is pretty good for a 15 month old. She also has 9 teeth, and some more that will come through any time now. I was telling Steve last night that it is so hard to beleive how fast she has grown, and what a year we have had. Last year at this time, she was just a tiny little thing. She was about 12 pounds, and she just laid there, and was always content. Now it is hard to get her to sit and cuddle for more than a minute.

We have an upcoming appointment with Dr. Golembe on June 23rd. It is just her monthly visit. I have to take in some urine, and they will probably draw blood this time since non was drawn on the previous visit. maybe we will see some of our friends with cancer there, and it would be nice to see some of the nice ladies from Child Life.

I would like to ask everyone to please continue to pray for all of the kids who have cancer. Also, I ask that you pray for a very special little girl who lives in Australia. She is only one month older than Abby, and she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma about the same time. Pray for all of the children on the rainbowchildren sight, and for their families. My last journal entry, I asked everyone to pray for Claire Collins. Well, Claire's leukemia was just too much for her body to handle and yesterday she went to meet Jesus. I did not know her, but I have been following her story for a while now. For more information about her you can visit www.caringbridge.org/al/claire Claire is survived by her husband and several children, and I know they must be hurting tremendously right now. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for that family. Claire's death was untimely, and she was diagnosed just a few months ago.
May God bless everyone today. Pray that Abby starts to chew better, and please pray for our upcoming trip to Alabama.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003 7:51 AM CDT

Well, yesterday was a great day for us for the most part. I had been a little bit concerned because Abby had not had a BM in a couple of days. I told Steve before he went to work that I hoped she went yesterday, not that she goes everyday anyway... But I think that I can speak for everyone when I say that once your child has been diagnosed with cancer, EVERYTHING worries you that parents of children without cancer would hardly think anything of. I am sure that Dr. Golembe gets tired of my questions sometimes, but I still worry a lot about my little girl. She has learned how to involuntarily blink her eyes. She is so fascinated by eyes. She has a babydoll who's eyes shut when she lays her down, and she is always looking in mine. So, the other day she looked at me and started blinking her eyes at me, and for a split second I thought something was wrong, but then I realized that she was being silly.

So, last night Steve and I were in the living room, and Abby was wondering around. I had the vacuum cleaner in there because I had been vacuuming and I had not put it up yet. Abby went over to it, stood up, and walked to a chair close by. She probably took 3 or 4 steps. That was the first time, and I told Steve that I felt like crying. I know that she has been a little bit delayed in walking and chewing (which she still does not like to do) because she received chemo from the time she was 4 months until she was close to 9 months. So, whild other infants are wanting to experiment with food and crawl around. All Abby wanted was to sit in our laps. She did not eat, she did't crawl, she just wanted to be comforted. Anyway, soon after her first couple of steps, she decided that she wanted to try it again. Only this time... she was playing with one of her shoes. She ended up falling and hurting her mouth. Nothing serious. she hurt her top lip on the inside, but it hardly bled at all. But Steve and I were freaking out. It it the first time that she has ever really hurt herself. And she was so scared and so were we. But, other than that, Abby is doing great.

I would like to ask everyone to please continue to pray for all of the kids who have cancer. Also, I ask that you pray for a very special little girl who lives in Australia. She is only one month older than Abby, and she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma about the same time. Pray for all of the children on the rainbowchildren sight, and for their families. And finally I would like to ask everyone to please pray for Claire Collins. I do not know her, but I have been following her story. She has ALL. For more information about her you can visit www.caringbridge.org/al/claire

May God bless everyone today. Pray that Abby starts to chew better, and please pray for our upcoming trip to Alabama.

Monday, June 9, 2003 8:38 AM CDT

Happy Monday to everyone. I just want to tell everyone who has signed Abby's guesbook thank you for caring. Also I want to continue to thank everyone who was praying for us last Wednesday during Abby's CT scan. Abby is doing wonderful. She just has this thing about chewing. She wants to eat everything, but she does not want to chew anything. She thinks she can just swish it around in her mouth and swallow it whole. Don't know what we are going to do about that, but I am sure she will figure it out on her own soon.

We had a great weekend. We went to eat Chinese food on Saturday afternoon. The waitor brought Abby a red balloon about half way through our meal and it scared her to death. She was screaming. I don't know why, unless it was the color, because she has never been frightened of them before.

Please pray for us. We are planning to go to Alabama to visit my family for Independence Day. Steve is finally going to get to have a couple of days off. He took all of his vacation time last year when Abby was diagnosed, and he has not had a break in almost a year. We will be leaving that thursday morning before and coming back on the Monday afterwards. We are excited because it will be nice to get a little break from everyday life. Plus my family will be so happy to see Abby.

I would like to ask everyone who visits to please pray for all of those who are battling neuroblastoma and all other cancers as well. Continue to pray for miracles, because they do happen. God bless you all.

Friday, June 6, 2003 12:20 AM CDT

All I can say is PRAISE GOD!!! Dr. Golembe's nurse is on vacation, because she is getting married, so things are pretty swamped in the office right now. There is only one nurse working, and that is Michelle. I don't even know Michelle very well, but she just gave me some great news. Abby's CT scan is clear. Halleujah! I expected it to be. And sometimes I feel bad for being so excited, because I think that it is a lack of faith, but... I am always standing on my head after test, hoping and praying that they are going to be OK, and so nervous until I get the results. But, today is a good day. Abby has been in remission now for almost 7 months. It is such a wonderful thing. I can remember when she was first diagnosed, and she was so tiny, only 14 pounds, and we were so horrified. She was so sick, and now... no one would ever know unless we tell them. I just want to thank everyone for their prayers. And please don't quit praying. Please pray for others with this devistating illness, as well as the ones who are dealing with other battles too. Pray for the kids on the www.rainbowchildren.homestead.com sight. We appreciate all of the love and prayers. May God bless you all!

Thursday, June 5, 2003 7:56 AM CDT

Hello to everyone. Yesterday was a stressful day. Abigail had her CT scan and she tolerated it well. We spent an hour in recovery, but she never really cried a lot afterwards. I was not feeling well at all though. On Monday I ate some chicken, and I have been sick since. So, it was hard sitting there in the waiting room that long. Then when we got home, we both took a nap for a couple of hours... buw when she woke up, she was ready to play. Byt that time Steve was home from work though, and he took care of her last night because I just felt terrible. I hope to get the results of her CT scan today. I will post them as soon as I know. I just want to thank everyone for their prayers and love. I could tell that God was with us yesterday. Please continue to pray for us and for all of the other people with cancer.

Monday, June 2, 2003 11:25 AM CDT

Abby is still doing wonderful. She is such a joy, and she is finally starting to eat better. She will be having a CT scan on Wednesday, June 4. I ask that everyone please pray that the scan is clear. I have the faith that it is, but we can always use your prayers. May God bless you this week.

Friday, May 23, 2003 10:17 PM CDT

Abby went to see Dr. Golembe on Monday. I should have written sooner, but no news is good news. She seems to be doing great. Every month her urine is collected, but it will be a couple of weeks before we know the results of that. Abby will be having a CT scan at 10 AM EST on Wednesday, June 4, 2003. Please pray that everything goes fine and we have good results. I look forward to the day when she will drink the contrast so she no longer has to be put under general anesthesia. I will write more when there is news.

Thursday, May 22, 2003 9:08 PM CDT

I don't know exactly how to begin telling Abigail's story. Abby just had a tough start in life. She was born by C-Section on February 28, 2002. Shortly afterwards the doctors knew something was terribly wrong. Her APGAR score was only 4. Abby was born with a condition called an esophageal atresia. This basically meant that her esophagus was not connected, or maybe not even there. Luckily Abby's condition was not as bad as it could have been. Her atresia was corrected, because her esophagus was there and just not attached. After a week on the ventilator and a cople weeks in the NICU, finally our daughter was able to come home.

From there things seemed fine for a while. Abby had recovered from her birth defect and was doing great. Then in July 2002, my mom, sister and a friend that I went to college with came to visit. We had planned a fun day, and Steve was going to take off work. My family and I were going to an amusement park, and my husband, (Steve)'s mom was going to babysit. Abby seemed to be a bit constipated, but not much different than a couple of times before, so we went and had a wonderful time. That evening when we went to pick her up, Steve's mom told me that she had still not had a bowel momement. My mom called the pharmacist, and he suggested that we give her a suppository. When we realized that this was not going to releave her, and she began crying we decided to take Abby to the ER. There an x-ray was done and we were told that it looked like she was constipated, and told us if she did not go to follow up with our pediatrician. Finally we arrived home about 4:00 AM and got to bed. A few house later at 8:00 AM the phone rung. It was a radiologist, and he said that he had noticed some "unusual patterns" in Abby's x-ray, and he wanted us to bring her back for another test. I assumed that another x-ray was going to be done. The hospital would only allow one parent in with her, and so I sat there for a long time... Just when I was about to give up and go see what was taking so long, Steve came walking out holding our beautiful baby, and he said she had a tumor. I thought I would faint. I have never had such a tremendous amount of emotion at one time. I asked myself why did this happen, what does this mean, does she have cancer, what did I do wrong, and why did I have to find out this way. We took Abby to a different hospital that day, and they got to work. Two days later Abby's tumor was removed by a wonderful surgeon at Carolina's Medical Center. His name is Dr. Bambini. Abby's tumor was 7 cm in diameter, and he removed it ALL along with two lymph nodes. From there Abby was referred to a pediatric oncologist named Dr. Barry Golembe. I knew from the start that he was going to be a wonderful part of our lives. I have never met a physician who acted more professional, concerned, or caring as he has been. Not only does he know how to treat the patient, he knows that cancer is something that affects everone, and he has been nothing in short of wonderful. Abby was given four rounds of chemo, and in November he told us that she was officially in remission. Abby is doing wonderful so far, but we ask that everyone continue to pray for her. Thank God for his blessings!!!

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