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Sunday, December 10, 2006 9:13 PM CST

Christmas cards, Christmas cards....i do believe that yearly i try to at least write an update on the journal (a cheap replacement to the actual mailing of the christmas card), but i'm not so sure i even got around to doing that last year. hmmmm, i'll have to look back to verify. with that being said, i'll do a quick summary of our lives. easy to summarize because most of you who will check this have probably been checking for quite some time now. we'll start with the head of the household and work our way down.
the kids...
oh wait, i mean michael.
michael is starting his third year up at MSU this year. it's very wierd to say that since i'm pretty convinced that he just switched jobs last year. but alas, i am wrong. it is his 3rd year. he is still running their internal sign shop and has managed to form some pretty neat ties with some of the "grown-up" men there. he enjoys what he does, although, i think dreams of owning his own kart track and maybe an RC airplane/helicopter/truck "field" often fill his mind! he is incredibly talented at building these things i have the least amount of understanding in. he works diligently to create something of the utmost perfection down to the painted detail, only to launch it in the air the next day and, frequently, have it come crashing down. maybe i shouldn't say frequently. he is a skilled pilot, but it seems he is always "fixing" so i in my ignorance always assume "crashing". back home to do the repairs to launch it again. it's exhausting for me to watch, enduring to learn, and something i will never understand. if i fix something, i sure as heck ain't gonna deliberately launch it to break it again. :-) that's the lesson in the differences between boys and girls....i guess. (that and a little bad grammar...had to do it. apologies to all of you if it drives you nuts!) he is getting his fair share of 1 on 1 with the kids and proves to be and extraordinary dad. the have hours of tickle fests and creative play that, unfortunately, i don't seem to have the knack for. - runon - he also has been quite involved with the church music ministry again this year. he runs the sound board for the services and spends many hours setting and unsetting sound equipment. it is right up his alley, and with the risk of bragging once again, he is outstanding at what he does. michael is the type of person who will never do anything half heartedly, and i am so blessed because of it.
i suppose i'm next. i think most of you already know that this year has put me in over my head. or at least wound me into a tail spin. one or the other...pick your choice! but i love it. i wouldn't change it for the world. i spent almost the first 2 months of the year on bedrest. a surprise, a treat, an incredible inconvenience that i wouldn't wish on anyone...but as with all the trials in our lives, God turned it into an incredible blessing too. i was able to have my mom around to "baby" me and take care of things when i couldn't. what a treasure and a blessing she is to me. then, on february 20th, we welcomed our second daughter into this world. beautiful "unexpected gift" that halle was to us...she has taught us so much in her short life already. about 2 1/2 months after her birth, i realized that i needed a "breather" a few nights a week, so i started waitressing at BW. i am a server at heart. i love the people, i love the running, and i love how unstressful and gratifying my job is. i go, i work, and i come home. nothing comes home with me from work, and nothing goes to work with me from home. okay, well, i can't really say that. my children are always on the forefront of my mind and i take their pictures out to brag every chance i get. poor people who get stuck in my section! otherwise my days are filled with my children. anything from dr.'s visits to therapy to swimming lessons, awanna, play dates, or just TRYING to relax for a few hours here and there....my quiver is full. my life is full. what an awesome place to be. i do think of myself as one of the most blessed of people. (not that you all aren't blessed!) as i was thinking the other day of my eventual return to school, i thought, "how funny what perspective has done to my life." when i was younger i thought i should probably have a degree to get a job to buy a house to find a husband to have a family to work to help support my family and my children. then i realized, i have a home, i have a husband, i have 3 beautiful children...so my sole motivation...or at least what used to be my motivation has now already been fullfilled. now i can go to school and relax and just love learning because i desire to learn. THAT was a fun realization! with that being said, i believe that possibly next fall...or the one following will be my impending return to the scholarly world. looking forward with anticipation...but enjoying my last baby while she is still that. boy that is fleeting quickly! i have also, recently, found my way back into the worship ministry at church. slowly but surely. time is a hard thing with 3 kids, but our new worship pastor has been so enabling in helping find people to care for our children so i, too, can join in on the worship team. my heart longs for the day when it will be "easier" to be involved. but for now, i enjoy what i can and wait for the rest. :-)
Emma. emma turned 6 november 21st of this year. and let me tell you i quickly did the math in my head. she's 6. that means in 6 years she'll be 12 and 6 years after that 18. when she's 18, she'll be leaving and going off to college. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was a bit frantic that night at her party. it all goes too quickly. i keep pleading with God to just let MY children stay young for longer than the others. let my children not grow up too quickly. let my children be mine forever. so far, i don't think my plea bargain has worked....so i'm trying harder to soak up these years with her. she is getting to be such a little lady and so much fun to be with. (not that she wasn't before.) this week marked a big step for her. she had her first....drumroll.....ttddddllllllll......real haircut. and i mean haircut! it went from halfway down her back to chin length. after it was done i was trying to glean some emotion from her. i said, "EMMA! are you sad? are you happy? do you like it?" she replied, "i don't know....(with a shrug) it's just different." very matter of fact. very okay with the whole thing. then over the course of the next 2 days she pointed out all the things she loved about her short hair. things like it not getting stuck in her coat zipper. it not being cold and clingy on her back after her bath. NO TANGLES TO BRUSH OUT IN THE MORNING. (huge deal! huge). not having to untuck it from her clothes after she puts them on. and so on and so forth. she started kindergarten this year and is completely in love with her teacher, ms. monson. she will exemplify on me at home how she runs into her (i would say up...but from the impact it's more of an into) and hugs her. most things in our house come out as, "well, ms. monson says...." or "ms. monson does...." or "today, ms. monson...." you get the picture. :-) again, we are so thankful for Godly and wonderful influences in her life. she is a social butterfly and thrives in relationship. she is kind, compassionate, sweet, friendly, and everything thing you'd want wrapped up in a daughter. sugar and spice and everything nice. that's pretty acurate. she also attempted MAGS this summer (mankato area gymnastics) and swimming this fall. she enjoyed gymnastics...but has been enamoured with swimming. the last time we tried swimming lessons with her, she did not want to put her head under water, hated getting her face wet...and pretty much was just not wanting to swim. this time...completely different story! she does very well at it and is looking forward to the next session starting. (i need to muster up some more energy!)
wren. oh our wrenster. he is our little 3 1/2 year old jekyll and hyde. he is the sweetest boy. and he is the explosive passionate one. he is an exceptional listener (even with the hearing loss!) when he wants to be...and an absolutel ignorer if he doesn't care for what you are telling him. his latest and most wonderfully entertaining interests include the toilet, the garbage, and any trinkets he can find in my bathroom drawers. (which are quite a few due to the unfortunate unorganization i have going on in there!) he will now lift up the toilet seat and sit down. when he's done sitting he'll walk around and flush it. after he's done flushing, he'll take off and ever so tiny piece of TP and dab his little nose (as in blowing it) and then throw the TP in the garbage. he also enjoys picking up his own lunch and dinner dishes. although, i am still frequently finding silverwear in the waste basket. haha. i do appreciate his efforts. he is becoming more and more verbal everyday. he "talks" non-stop in incoherent jargan...BUT we are starting to pick up some very consistent words. "pucky" is for puppy and he will yell it out whenever one is spotted. unless, of course, it is dixie...then he yells "gixi!" he is eating cheese, yogurt, applesauce "appogocks", fruitbars, pancakes, waffles, fruit snacks...and a few more variences. not with a great consistency...but he is doing it. some days he will be just moody enough to knock off any attempt made to expand his horizons...and then others he eats far more than i would ever expect! today he downed some chocolate covered peanuts, string cheese, mandarine oranges and some mac and cheese for lunch. it still causes michael and i to do a double take when he shoves food in his mouth, chews it up, and swallows it. we both want to break into some sort of celebration dance followed by a hoot and holler. of course, restaurant settings provide the utmost atmosphere for such antics. wren is wren. he is...wren. incredible. happy. willing. trusting. treasure. blessing. miracle. he is our boy and we are so proud of him. another quick side story. he loves to sing. and surprisingly has a pretty good ear for pitch. he enjoys "elmo's world" on the computer and when it comes up the tune goes "la la la laaaaaa" (that's elmo's world), and he will "la la la laaaa" right along with it. he also hums himself to sleep with the apple song. "apple apple a a a, apple apple a a a. baby baby b b b. baby baby b b b...." and i just lay there and listen to his raspy little voice humming himself into dream world and think, "this is the bread of life."
halle. our beloved 9 mo. old halle. she is everything we never expected. i often look at her and wonder, "where did you come from?!?!" and i love it. it challenges me as a mother to not treat my children as if they are all the same...because they "so are not!" she is growing into sweetness. for the longest time she was just flat out demanding. and i know most of you are thinking, "well, yeah. babies sort of are." but no! seriously! emma was probably the most compliant child i have ever met. she was responsive and obedient and listened to every single word i told her. (really). halle? ahhhh...not so much. say, for instance, when i change her diaper, she has found great fondness in flipping over. (most babies do at some point). with emma i used to say very gently, "emma. no honey. you need to lay on your back until i'm done." and she would do it. not kidding. halle..."AHHHHH! GRRRRR~" as she continues to roll over and scream. she won't even look at me when i say her name. complete ignoring and completely bent on what she wants to do. a couple gentle taps to the butt cheeks will often bring her back around (attention taps...not spankings. really.) it's either that or me strapping one of my legs over the top of her while holding her legs with one hand and fighting with the diaper wipes with my other. which one seems more...ummmm...humane? :-) i rest my case. in any sense, she is full of wonderful spunk and reminds me a lot of myself. not that michael isn't spunky. he can be spunky, too. ANYWAY! she started crawling about 1 week ago and is now getting some momentum and speed. we were hoping the crawling would wait until after christmas...but are very much looking forward to her being able to entertain herself for longer than 3 minutes. and crawling seems to cover that. she has 2 teeth on the bottom, and just broke through 2 more on the top. teething misery. but a tough little cookie she is.
michael and i are looking forward to a vacation in mazatlan come february. we have not been on a vacation by ourselves since our honeymoon. emma came the following year...and then it was wren...and well, that has taken care of the last 3 1/2 years. so, after 7 1/2 years of marriage we are looking forward to it very much! halle will be 1 (and hopefully weaned!), wren will be close to 4 and emma 6. we're pretty sure they should be able to hold down the fort while we're gone. haha. j/k. they will be spending some good quality time with both sets of grandparents.
we hope that the joyous Christmas celebration will find you well, and that the new year will bring with it new hope and new life. may God indwell in you and may His Spirit flood you in the weeks, months and years to come. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Monday, December 4, 2006 9:07 PM CST

as i'm sure most of you already know, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Please hold sam and melissa in your prayers as ellis has gone to be with Jesus. thank you.


on another note, a little baby girl, mikella, from our church has just had heart surgery. please be praying for jeff and sarah as they travel this road. www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikellaruley

Thursday, November 30, 2006 4:11 PM CST

not a whole lot to report here. i just wanted to put some pics on of thanksgiving...which we spent a great deal of at the park! beautiful day!
wren is struggling with ear infection after ear infection....we're trying a different route. i'll let you know if it works!

that is all for now....more later!

Monday, November 13, 2006 10:41 AM CST

PLEASE, if you haven't been checking on Ellis, please please check and be praying. this little boy is in quite the serious state right now.
i put his link at the bottom...

Monday, November 6, 2006 9:13 AM CST

"Lord, help me to pay attention and listen closely to what you say. Help me to keep it in my heart. Your words are life to my body. Most of all, Lord, I want to guard my heart for it truly is the well that everything else springs from. Guard my mouth from perverseness and corrupt talk. Help my gaze to be fixed straight on You so that my feet take only paths that are firm...not swerving right or left...keeping away from evil." amen.

a wonderful friend of mine brings such encouragement to my life. this morning she forwarded me an excerpt from her devotional and it was that. what good words to focus on.

on another note, a while back another friend had sent me a link to another website. this woman has an incredible journey ahead of her...and a road that i cannot imagine. i finally got in contact with her lastnight and she okayed me to link her son's page to wrens. so, check it out and be praying for these two. thank you... www.caringbridge.org/visit/connermcdougall

i could keep adding, but this one is important too....i'll switch the link at the bottom and hopefully for those who want to follow these sites, you can log the addresses into your "favorites" too. rachel gunderson has had one doosey of a pregnancy with numerous complications. in all regards, ian gunderson was delivered safely on monday weighing in at 2 lbs. 7.5 oz and 15 inches long. please keep this family in your prayers also. thank you to those of you who are so faithful at doing so. God bless each and every one of you.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006 8:24 AM CST

she already has this kind of "are you kidding me? he's taking candy from a baby!" look on her face.

we had such a fun time trick or treating lastnight. the very first house we went to was classic. wren, emma and kaia all walked up to the door and as the man opened the door to hand out the candy, wren took it as, "come on in!" and ducked under his legs. HAHA! a few seconds later you see this man tug out a little giraffe from under his arm pits and set him on the doormat. a very familiar look in comparison to how one puts a cat out. which caused my sister-in-law and i to laugh even harder. michael jogged up to the house to apologize to the man and then onto the next house. wren was running from house to house, "AH!AH GA BA AHHHH!" some houses he would just run up to with the girls and watch the candy being dropped into their buckets, laugh and turn around and run back out without even retrieving his candy. :-) a very fun sight to see indeed. fun all around.

that's really all for our update. wren had his IFSP meating this past week and that went very well. he is acheiving his goals which is such a blessing to me. we have another conference coming up this next month with his lead teacher. the comments i hear from most people are just abounding in love for this little one. (okay, i'm stating that mommy biased thing here). people just gloat over how eager he is to try new things, he never is without a smile, and he is "such a happy boy!" and so good natured. he just makes people smile by being him. :-) yay, God. he is a pretty darn fun kid, that's for sure.

oh, and you'll have to excuse the red eye...i just couldn't figure out how to get my "tools" to work this morning to brush it out. :-)

Monday, October 23, 2006 1:27 PM CDT

along with eating and drinking, wren is working on his jumproping ability. anything emma does is, apparantly, fair game. :-) we had a good MEA break. it's amazing how quickly you acclimate to having only one or two around at a time FOR a time, and then to have all 3 for 4 days...well, it made our house a little hairy. but good none the less! i don't know if i mentioned it or not, but wren graduated his physical therapy over at PTS so now we are only doing the sos feeding group. wow. that is so very bizarre to me! and, if predictions ring true, talk of the town is that he might be well on the road to getting the g-tube out sometime this coming year. he is doing very well. our biggest obsticle right now is still the drinking. so that is my one prayer request. seems mild...but tube free? wow. gotta run. God bless!

Saturday, October 14, 2006 9:54 AM CDT

after i had graduated high school, i remember sitting and talking with my mom one afternoon and i asked her: "how did you do it?" "i mean, how did you make it through our adolecent years?"
and she replied, "erin, there is not much that you can control in the realm of a teenager. you do your best to be involved and to teach your kids good morals, choices and character...but in the end you just pray. you just pray and pray and pray." (chuckle chuckle) "and we prayed A LOT!"

:-) i'm so thankful for a heritage of praying parents and grandparents. and so, with that, may it continue with us. we all know the state that our schools are in and where we are headed as a society....and i believe, very fully, that prayer is such a powerful weapon. a friend of mine emailed a few very specific things to pray for if ever you are in need of an "idea". but more importantly, pray what's in your heart because God will lay something there that needs attending to. God bless. (thanks nicole!)

Pray that your children will be a 'light' in the darkness
Pray that your children will lead clean, innocent lives, as children of God in a dark world. That they will shine out among their peers like a beacon light, like stars in the universe, reflecting Jesus among their friends. (Phil. 2:15)


Pray they will be safe from Bullies (Ooooh...this one brings out the mommy bear in me!!!)
Hide our children in the shelter of Your presence, safe beneath your hand, safe from all conspiring men. (Psalm 31:20)

Pray that God will provide a hedge of protection about our children during transportation to and from school, recess time, lunch time and every minute in between while they are away.

Pray that they have favor with their teachers and with their friends at school, that the students and teachers will encourage one another and build eachother up.
Pray for Godly friends and Godly teachers!


What ever God whispers to your heart~pray knowing that:

This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us. And if we know that He hears us~whatever we ask~we know that we have what we ask of Him. I John 5:14-15

(in adding to this...jill said some wonderful things in regards to this reference on her website...check it out.)

And remember...They were/are God's children before they were ours...He loves them more than we ever could.
Can you even imagine?????

Friday, October 6, 2006 11:59 AM CDT

now tell me if you can see the mischeif in his eyes.... :-) we are holding steady here. everyone in this house has the same cold that everyone else in mankato has right now. halle's is still "just a cold", but wren's has progressed into his lungs. wierd. (just kidding...that doesn't surprise me.) so we got him a good ol' dose of zithromax.
halle cut her first tooth this week. it surprised even me! emma didn't get her first until 11 months and wren at 16 so i wasn't even going to search for one for another 3 months. haha. jokes on me! otherwise everything is pretty much the same.
my grandma pictured with the family (wife to my grandpa who passed away this spring) is heading down to alabama this weekend to thrive in a warmer climate. so, we had a nice family visit on thursday night in owatonna.
that's really about all for now. God bless. enjoy these fall days!

Friday, September 29, 2006 9:32 PM CDT

I think I may have written this a time or two before, but as a gentle reminder when I have so oft forgotten; it seems that one of the most important tools in life is perspective. Perspective, a softened heart, and a listening ear. And this week has been one of those weeks where I have gently heard the Lord knocking on my door of perspective.

I attended the funeral of such a lovely woman this week. She was a treasure and a joy to anyone who had the pleasure of her company, if even for a day. God called her home at the young age of 43 leaving behind 2 beautiful children and her husband. As I listened to the litany, or very prolonged account, of who she was as a wife, a mother, and a friend (so enjoyable to listen to, by the way) perspective took me by the hand and caused me to view my own life. I try very hard not to be "that person" who takes every opportunity and every event of someone else's to bring up an event in my own life. However, I feel that I fail miserably at trying to do that....even as consciously aware as I am. I honestly don't do it out of selfishness. I tend to want to try and relate...and my only means of doing that is exemplifying something in my own life. So, anyhow, listening to Cathy's epitaph (persay) caused me to say to myself, "Erin, if you were to die today, what in the world would people say about you? Would they say you were gracious and counted it all joy? Would they say you reached out and not just spoke of Christ, but showed Christ to an unbelieving world? Would they say you lived life to the fullest, taking life by the hand...not the other way around. In your few short years here on earth, what have you done for Christ?" And that's pretty much what I was thinking as I left that day. Perspective. I don't find myself to be invincible, but I like to believe that I'm going to live a very long and full life. My grandparents did, my great-grandparents did, so far my mom and dad are, so it only seems appropriate that I, too, will follow in that generational blessing and live to see my great-grandchildren be born. Then, I attend the (a) funeral or see something or hear something that makes me stop and say, "What guarentees do I carry in my life? God knows the number of my days...not me." So what am I doing NOW that accomplishes that which He set before me? What am I doing NOW to know my Savior? What am I doing NOW to teach my children of the magnificence of their Lord? I sometimes get lazy in all honesty. I give myself a get out of jail free card on certain days because I tell myself that of all the exhaustion I've encountered the last 3 years, I could certainly use a "day off". If you ever hear me say something of the sort, really, do me a favor and don't legitimize it...just kind of gently smack me across the head. I have been abundantly blessed in ALL areas of my life. I get to witness it daily in my children, especially that little miracle running around. Quick story. He absolutely tickled my tummy tonight. We had our family night out and it was chosen that we would go to hobby lobby to buy "pom-poms" to donate to Emma's class for art. (not real pom-poms or "yay" pom poms as Emma would call them...but the artsy kind that get everywhere. You know the ones you glue on paper...okay, entirely irrelevant to the story.) As we were walking through, Wren was RUNNING. Only his run kind of cracks you up because it's still a little hap-hazzard. So he lets out this high pitched shriek and giggle and takes off running. Emma closely behind him keeping track of him and also egging him on. As Michael and I are standing stationary in the isle looking at stained glass supplies, they are circling around and around between our isle and the two beside us. He is running through the boas, onto the next isle grabbing tubs of puffy letters and stacking them and counting them, laughing, putting them back on the shelf, grabbing stencil patterns and throwing them into the cart, taking out all of the card separaters in the the greeting cards, laughing, throwing them on the ground, running through the Christmas trees shrieking, poking the scare-crows in the eyes, pulling down the stockings, chosing the star for the top of the tree, throwing more stuffed animals into the shopping cart, (we walked up to the check out with much much more than we knew we had), grabbing clay from the shelves and decided that, yes, that too we needed to buy. and on and on and on I could go. Most days that kind of stresses me out. I try to make as little work for those poor people at the store who have to undo what has been done as possible...but tonight I just reveled in it. I counted it all joy and absoutely just laughed! I looked at him and saw the amazing blessing that he is. How different our lives would be if we didn't have our Wren. His teachers on down to his bus drivers comment continually on what a joy he is. How he is so willing to try anything and he does it with all joy. He is plain out simply a happy kid. And I love him! Then I looked at Halle sitting in the front of the cart laughing at the stuffed dog Emma had put before her. Only her laugh and her talking aren't exhaled, they are inhaled so it causes me to laugh that much more. Actually, it causes me to cough because I guess I'm still not sure how she does it without gagging. She'll look up at you with her big blue eyes and her whole body will smile and then very seriously she'll inhale/aouhwwww! Then there is Emma....oh, precious first born of mine. I'm learning to embrace where she is at right now. She is goofy and childlike, and silly and all girl and she is responsible, and helpful, and wise and sensitive and caring and loving. I really couldn't have asked for more. She sits next to a little girl with downs at school and she'll come home and tell me "maddie" stories...always with a smile and always with a laugh. One day she informed me that maddie was hitting her in the head with a hammer and she and olivia just sat there laughing. I said, "did it hurt?" she said, "well, yeah...a little" I said, "honey, you know you can ask her to stop if it hurts you." she said, "I know mom, but I didn't mind. She was having fun." she also has informed me that Maddie is "very wiggly". I smiled and said, "well then. I guess she is a good match for you, because you're pretty wiggly too!" we both laughed. She also tells me about the few boys in her class that are "always loud!" rest time, apparantly, is not very restful and you only get woken up with the fairy wings if everyone is quiet. Let's just say those fairy wings don't come out very often. haha. ANYWAY! Emma and I are in a phase right now where we just laugh a lot about everything. I like this phase. This is a good phase. :-) And now you must think that I laugh from sun up to sun down. I don't. I promise. But I am trying to laugh a lot more these days.
Did I fall off of the perspective band wagon?
So, anyway, I came home tonight and was reading in one of my magazines some testimonies of women who have fought breast cancer...and choices they have had to make. Then I read Jill's entry from this week. Perspective. My life is full of it right now, and not knowing if I have beyond tomorrow, may I count it all joy, and may I show the love of Christ in all that I do and say. In all that I am. And may I encourage you to do the same!

OH! and I almost forgot, Wren started EATING this past week!!!!!!! He will now chew AND swallow a breakfast, soft cookies, and cheese. (among a few other unknown things). I was walking through Sam's club yesterday with him and a lady gave me a cracker with some crab salad on it and he literally grabbed the crab salad off with his fingers and shoved it in him mouth. This is after I had politely declined the woman for another cracker because he "didn't really eat. He's tube fed." she must have thought I was crazy! :-) YAY Wren!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006 11:47 AM CDT

i just thought i'd put a few fun comparison pictures on again. the coloring is a little different than the "real life" picture, but you gotta love 'em! God Bless.

Friday, September 15, 2006 7:46 PM CDT

please be praying for baby joel...it is very serious at this point in time....

Monday, September 11, 2006 1:43 PM CDT

So they say that biochemists look at the composition, structure, properties, relationships and reactions of matter induced by heat, light, energy and chemical catalysts. Experiments can be conducted on new products and processes. My kitchen table the past two weeks has become a contrivance of sorts used specifically for the collecting of data - pertaining to apple juice, water, milk, yogurt, applesauce, oatmeal....and pretty much anything else that might get left on there for any amount of time. shortly after wren's birth, michael and i were guessing president of the united states. or astronaut. or something very unusual....something that is not your everyday job. now we are landing somewhere between engineer and chemist. i'll have to get some pictures on here of "him" and all his equipment. The table becomes littered with 7-10 cups, bottles, lids, yogurt containers...or anything else that will "hold" something. Then he pours and pours and pours and studies and pours some more. it's amazing the colors, reactions and smells you can achieve with a few simple house hold items. not to mention that my floor can double as a slip and slide.
wren had his first day of pre-school today. (the picture is of the kids waiting for the bus....which never showed. haha.) i could go into great detailed length about the events of the morning, but in a nutshell he DID make it to school, amazingly he DID make it home, and he was so happy to do both. my kids do not suffer from any seperation anxiety what-so-ever. this makes me happy. i'd like to think they are well adjusted. i'd like to think they can acclimate to most anything. but....as a mom, i'd also like to think i might be missed. just a smidgen. even a little? did i do something wrong? really, the only tears that were shed this past week were mine. my 5 year old consoled me the night before she went telling me, "it'll be okay, mom. i'll only be gone for a little while, and you'll see me every night." so. there you have it. next thing you know i'll be co-signing a lease for an apartment and they'll be telling me to stop by whenever i feel lonesome. :-)
the kids' teachers are just wonderful. emma's teacher's mom is actually wren's physical therapist. keeping it in the family. they are both incredibly sweet and i'm excited to see what the year will bring! there are a few other correlations with the teachers that brings peace to my heart that God has the kids exactly where He wants them. my prayer for this year has been that God would place my kids in environments where they would be nourished and cherished. surrounded by Godly teachers, peers and a Godly environment. that they would feel the freedom to be who God made them, but also have guidance that was sweet, firm, and moral. Hope everyone else is also enjoying and getting used to the new year. my what a difference a day makes. God bless!

oh, p.s.
a view into my sons attention for detail. there is a "HiT" logo in the front of one of our books. It's jumbled into a bunch of other legistics. tonight he kept pointing at it saying, "wi-go....wi-go". so i asked michael why. he looked at me as if i wouldn't notice if the world stopped turning and said, "that's the logo that comes up before his wiggles videos." huh. the kid is SMART!

Wednesday, September 6, 2006 0:21 AM CDT

meredith on "grey's anatomy" the other night said, "when did we become adults? and how do we make it stop?" there are days when i definitely feel that. this week i'd like to make everything stop. for real? is emma really going to be in kindergarten? i know i keep broaching this subject....but it is such a surreal feeling to me. i just had her yesterday, i swear! mikee and i were talking yesterday as we drove to the fair, and i said, "things go so fast. i mean really fast. the phrase our life is like a blade of grass really holds meaning for me right now. i don't want to get 30 years down the road and look back at all of the time i can't reclaim. all the things i could have done." and so on and so forth. you just realize how quickly time flees, yeah? amazing. really. don't delay. that's all i have to say. whatever calling God has put into your heart....waste no further time. just do it. time goes SO FAST!

wren is awefully cute these days! very communicative. he says, "ta-doo" whenever you help him with something. (thank you) and this morning was telling me about the "ooww" (clouds) on his "wiwi" (wiggles) video. it went something like this...."aba a ka baba ka oowwww ka wiwi baba." then he looked at me...paused...jumped off the bed and went to retrieve his "wiwi" VHS cover to point them out. i said, "now, how in the world did you remember there were clouds in the background of this wiggles cover?!?!" and he will now pick up after himself. he clears his spoon and yogurt container when he is done eating. he'll put the spoon in the sink and the yogurt in the garbage. he tries very very hard to mimic anything you are saying and so on and so forth. i'll report more, but i just thought i'd give you a little tid bit for now. :-) God bless.


and boy, if that wasn't one ginormous run-on of thought....i dom't know what is!

Monday, August 28, 2006 8:45 AM CDT

"Thou hast given so much to me, give one more thing I ask- a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me, as if your blessings had spare days,
but such a heart whose pulse may be thy praise"

Friday, August 25, 2006 9:35 PM CDT

I have this desire in my heart to write something profound. Something meaningful. I wish to put words out here that would encourage and inspire. Instead....nothing. And as I write about absolutely nothing, I am reminded (by myself) of the handful of times I have tried to stop writing on the website as a whole for this very reason. I mean, for the reason that I have nothing to write about. At least nothing that is any more interesting than your everyday events! How wonderfully frustrating this is to me! Not frustrating in the sense that we are now functioning as a normal family. Just frustrating in that I don't want to write just to write. I would rather have something edifying, glorifying, and encouraging to write and I seem to now be lost in the everyday hum-drum of life. (may I quickly interject that I am not currently looking for some life altering event to write about. Not the point!)But in my recent discovery, it bothers me even more that I've allowed a normal life to drown out the Holy Spirit. Why is it that in the midst of the fire it is so easy to find the time to sit. And to listen. And to meditate on Who God is? But when the catastrophe ends and you find yourself in the midst of what should be more than enough time to sit and listen and meditate, and more than enough brain space to fill with God's Word. Space that is no longer being occupied by pertinent medical information; you also find yourself swept up into every avenue and time consuming corner BUT the one that has quiet and devotional time in it? This website, I am drawn to it, and I hear it calling my name daily to just come and sit for a while. Maybe jot a note or two down. I'm addicted is what I am! Seriously! Do they have support groups out there for people like me? I kind of wonder if, subconsciously, This site is kind of one of the last things to go of all the things that have been such a necessity to our lives the past 3 years. Maybe even though I know in my mind that it is time to let go and move on, my heart wants to hold onto the familiar and the habit for a while longer. This is where I can understand that some addictions are better to be cut off cold turkey. I'm pretty sure that is how it will have to be. And now that I've made this all about me (good grief!) I am going to move onto another topic. That was just my forwarning that I really don't have much to say about Wren or any recent medical marvel.

The kids start school in a week and a half. I believe, most of you out there are probably parents and looking forward to the next school year with just a touch of apprehension. I am so excited for what is in store for the kids, and so sad that this is the beginning. The beginning of their breaking away. That doesn't seem right, does it? My mom told me today that the day they are born is the day when they start the process to becoming wonderful and independent human beings. I know I will grow into this role too...but for now, it is just hard. Hard to imagine all the things they will be facing in the next 12 years. Hard to imagine that I won't be able to fix all of their problems or mend all of their broken hearts with a simple kiss and a prayer. But I'll keep kissing and I'll keep praying until the day God calls me home. :-) May God grant us the grace to accept the things we cannot change, strength to change the things we can....and wisdom to know the difference. God bless.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006 2:29 PM CDT

just a note to say how much wren loves his sister. they are absolutely the best of buds, and she is getting to that "fun age". :-)
wren had an audiogram today and they turned the mids and lows down a bit on his hearing aids. he has the FM system so there is not a volume "button" or "dial" on his aids. they have to be adjusted by computer. he seems to be tolerating them much more now. after his ear tubes went in, he just was not interested in keeping them in for long periods of time. (the hearing aids that is.) SO! that means that his hearing has improved a bit without the excess fluid in there. duh. that was kind of an obvious statement, but i had to write it anyway. thank you, again, Job's daughters for the gift of hearing for wren. thank you.
i'm hoping to get a couple pics on of the kids this weekend at the airport pancake breakfast that we go to every year. they all hopped in grandpa's plane and had a grand ol' time.
that's really all the update for now. we are trying to ward off allergy symptoms the best we can...but boy is it a bugger of a season. wren sounds like he has inhaled water and is just circulating it around his lungs. poor guy. but a trooper he is!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 7:14 AM CDT

enjoy a gorgeous day...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 7:12 AM CDT

enjoy a beautiful day....

Sunday, August 13, 2006 10:23 PM CDT

HELLO ALL. I JUST WANTED TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT TODAY IS ERIN'S 29th BIRTHDAY. WISH HER WELL. HAVE A GOOD DAY GORGEOUS!

so, monday morning 1 week ago, we woke up to your typically normal day. ;-) i should always know that that, in and of itself, is a sign for me to watch out! haha. anything with the word "normal" tagged onto the end is just asking for trouble. not kidding. i got a call from a friend saying that emma was exposed to head lice that previous weekend. so, i went to check her head thinking, "there's no way....." jokes on ME! BUT, praise God i only found the brown nits on the nape of her neck hairs and a few by her ears. nothing jumping ship, and no white or egg white little thingys hanging out. hence, monday, tuesday, wednesday and thursday were all days of purging. i took everything i could, bagged it up and threw it in the basement. i locked the basement off and no one is allowed down there for 2 weeks. then and only then will i re-open it to do some major disinfecting. i don't think i have ever done so much laundry in my entire life. daily i stripped all the beds and did all the clothes laundry. i disinfected each and every room very maticulously. and then i tackled the kids. i did x amount of olive oil/vinegar treatments and then also did the RID (couldn't find the NIX) treatment monday night. for the next 2 weeks i will be doing the bedding and the lundry every 3 days at least and then will re-treat the kids (and ourselves just in case) on tuesday. my motto for the week. "I AM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!!!!!!" if any of you have ever battled the little buggers, you know it is an exhausting sun up to sun down war. you against the house, kids, but mostly those stupid little critters. sorry for the vulgar language. i had (am still having) a hard time finding the blessing in those little nits. BUT i did have an epiphany! can any one say "nit-picking"? never even thought that's where the phrase came from. and now i know the literal side of it; for i spent 5 hours on monday alone going strand by strand through emma's hair vowing over and over that i was "not doing this again!". that was monday. tuesday though was a sweet pay off. i didn't find any nits tuesday. or wednesday. or thursday. YEAH. we never found any on wren or on us....but still playing it safe we will treat our heads again. did i mention that "I AM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN"? my house, however, did need a very thorough cleaning and this definitely kicked me in the rear end. it's clean. or...at least it was. it's getting back to it's original state slowly but surely.

in the midst of that exhausting ordeal (i'm not trying to evoke pity...really) tuesday night emma woke up and couldn't breathe. and i mean really couldn't breathe. michael and i have never feared for emma like that. we tried every pulminary avenue we knew. a steam shower (even though she is kind of old for croupe), her inhaler, robutusin, benedryl, pulmicort/albuterol NEB, prednisolone (borrowed from wren), and a vaporizor...combined with some vicks vapor chest rub. she struggled for quite some time and finally dozed off in a fit of coughs. the next day she woke up and was, of course, a little off. so we decided to formulate a combat team to come against both the lice and the bronchitis type symptoms. wednesday night became a repeat of tuesday night...again, using all the meds we could think of (none of them have contraindications as far as i know)...some of you nurses out there might be shaking your head going "erin! what were you thinking?" in any sense, we once again got her to sleep still in a fit of coughs. de ja vu / de ja vu? (dictionary anyone?) thursday, emma was set to fly out to california for a 5 day sabbatical. okay maybe not quite a sabbatical as much as a fun flyin' vacation with her aunts, uncle and cousin. ;-) needless to say, i just didn't know what to do with her! i finally decided to bring her into urgent care just prior to her leaving for the airport. (i've learned that if at all possible you only bring one child to the clinic at a time...unless you are looking to pick up something new and exiciting!) we got there and they took her temp. 101.8! the nurse asked me if she had been running a temp all week. my ignorant reply? "i dunno. i've been too busy fighting those stupid lice." (sorry. there's that vulgarity again.) so, my poor, sweet, wonderful daughter hadn't said a word to me about how aweful she had been feeling. i asked her if her head had been hurting. she said, "ummm. i don't think so. earlier when i was coughing it hurt a little...but otherwise no." i could just hug and kiss that girl all over again. it breaks my heart that she is such a silent martyr about things. it tends to be her streak unless she is absolutely unbearable miserable. anyway, bronchitis was the diagnosis and because we had no time for labs she was given some zithromax to take while in california...just in case it was bacterial. (most likely it was viral...and now i've just opened another can of worms for those of you who are trying to keep the antibiotic realm under control.) we are so prophylactic in our house it's not even funny. just call us mike and erin prophylactic eccles from now on. that's fine. she left thursday night at 10:15 for LA. yes, this was on the day when the orange alert started and the airports started implementing some extreme cautionary measures. this is good. and this also makes a mom think a little more about putting her girl on a plane. she did make it there though. phwew. and is having a blast, i might add. this is good. she needed a break more than anything. friday, halle started acting a little cranky. yesterday we could tell why. she, also, is coming down with this bronchitis. tonight she is coughing and has that deep resonating rumble...along with the really dry sound. i'm not so relaxed about having my baby sick. emma kind of rolls with the punches and her body seems to handle it. if halle gets as sick as emma was on tuesday and wednesday....let's just say i really really don't want to go there.

God and I had a good talk this week. okay, i did most of the talking...He very patiently listened. i think i could probably benefit if i could shut my mouth for a minute and listen to Him....instead i just ranted. then stopped. then pleaded. then just admitted....i'm weary. i'm so tired of battling sickness that some days i just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "fine. whatever." (that's the child in me.) and at the same time, i'm gently reminded of the blessings in my life. gently reminded that i could be battling so much more. gently reminded that yes, even in the cold and flu season (and out), God is still in control and still by my side. i dont' mean to make this about me. it's not about me. i told michael tonight that i'm just weary for the kids. i want them to know health. to know experiences. to know fun without hesitation on what might come from having experienced something where germs might be found. (there are a lot of them out there...germs i mean.) as you can see, my experience with wren has made me quite paranoid about germs. anyway, i guess i really didn't have a point on that one....just that if we meet in the street, and i seem a little off my rocker, it's probably because i am! ;-)

on an up note, i'm trying to teach wren how to say "i love you." his comes out, "i lul ooo" very very very precious to hear those words from his mouth. a day well worth waiting for!

all right. once more, i did not write this to throw a pity party!!!!!! just thought i'd share what we do with all of our free time around here! hahahahahaha. (i really am laughing). wren had an awesome time at school and i know he is looking forward to the year to come! God bless.

www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis just for the record.

Wednesday, August 9, 2006 10:09 PM CDT

so! i had 1/2 of an entry on here for 3 days that never got completed...and eventually was lost to a computer shut down. we have had just one shnoozer of a week and getting on to update was like.........oh, really i have no comparison! sorry about that. in any sense, i think it is getting a little bit better.

wren's NICU reunion was....not what i expected it to be this year! i went with all these expectations of being able to just sit and talk with ALL of the dr.'s and nurses that i wanted to sit and talk to. ha ha ha ha HA! i did get to talk to a few...and had a wonderful time doing so. wren...well, he was not so inclined to "enjoy". he, in fact, was quite adamant about NOT wanting to be there. all i could think was "they must be looking at him throwing these fits and think, 'we saved his life, and you can't even keep him under control.'" literally, he was absolutely out of control. :-) he was hitting, pulling hair, throwing tantrums, crying and running towards the doors. didn't want anything to do with anyone at all. finally, mikee and i walked him inside and sat down on some chairs away from all the bustle and he seemed to calm down. we visited with people we knew as they walked through towards the courtyard. that seemed to work all right. total time spent there visiting was maybe an hour. and a good hour...well, it would have been so much more fun if wren would have found enjoyment. poor boy. i'm sure he figured out what type of facility we were at and was just assuming we were going to leave him there. whew. i guess everything i meant to say will have to eventually be written in a letter of sorts and sent through that mail thing. (someday!).

we did meet with a couple friends post picnic and had a wonderful visit. :-) thanks carrie, thanks missy.

otherwise not much to report. actually there is quite a bit more to report, but i'll spare you all the gory details. have an awesome week!

Sunday, July 30, 2006 9:45 PM CDT

i'll keep ellis's webpage posted on here for a while, just in case some of you have missed it. but i am assuming most of you have it already and are probably as hooked on praying for him as i am. what a neat story....

www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis

on a second note wren starts school tommorrow. yes, school. it's kind of a sweet sorrow. with emma we tried to wait as long as possible before sending her because we wanted to keep her at home with us....well, i wanted to keep her home inevitably. but, i was informed that that was maybe not the best option. with wren, i guess we just never really knew what to expect. school wasn't really in my train of thought because we were so focused for so long on just keeping him alive! NOW! NOW! i'm sitting here tonight going, "school?". this just can't be. my little boy is going to school? he is in an early intervention/special ed program. i've met the teacher and she is wonderful. and, for wren, it is just an amazing opportunity. he LOVES the therapies he gets and screams out of excitement when you tell him we are going to school. you can ask him, "wren? do you want to go to school?" "YAH!" "wren? do you want to go play?" "YAH"! "wren, you like learning new things and playing with your teachers?" "YAH!" and so on and so forth. we also have wren's 4th NICU reunion coming up on sunday. his FOURTH!!!!!!! the first one, he was still in the hospital. the second he was still a little too sick to make it, and the third one we made finally. :-) we are so very much looking forward to returning and visiting with all the nurses and doctors. i think each year that passes, i realize more and more what a precious gift they were to us during that time. i can't really explain it in the depth that i feel it...but what a ministry. whether they know it or not. the little things that they did. and the huge. and the fact that they so very well walked the thin line of being medically professional, and empathetic and compassionate all at the same time. making you feel very at home and very comfortable in a not so comfortable surrounding. a foreign world at that! i just can't say enough about them. amazing.

in any case, i pray everyone is staying safe this week. drink LOTS OF WATER. no, i am not your mother, but i am A mother. drink lots of water and stay cool. don't muck with the heat! there. i've said my peace. God bless.....

i'll try and post some new pictures of wren tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 3:54 PM CDT

i just received an email from a friend, and was asked to please ask for prayer for this little man. Ellis. please be praying TODAY. he is in need of it as we speak....thank you.....

www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis

Monday, July 24, 2006 7:45 AM CDT

we are returning to health! :-) this past week was a good "re-couping and re-grouping" week. halle is back to her lovely vocal self...wren to his wonderfully curious boy-hood...and emma still on her exploratory, inquisitive, "let's invent" 5 year old phase. it's quite fun and quite messy. some days i just revel in sitting back and watching the kids be kids...and be themselves. it's amazing to me how different the personalities are. for some reason (i know this is a super smart thought) i just assumed any offspring we would bare would be just like me! of course. why not? amazing how they are not! hello, erin. anyway, just wanted to throw a quick "we are better" on. God bless you all...every one.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 9:24 PM CDT

there is a family whose little boy became very ill this month. today, they held him for the last time and placed him in the arms of Jesus. please be praying for them...

www.caringbridge.org/visit/calvinmiller

Saturday, July 15, 2006 10:30 PM CDT

all right...i went through and edited it. i had to...that was horrible! sorry if anyone became stupider from reading my previous entry. ;-) not that i pride myself on being the most versed person...i just like things to not be such a mess! hopefully this is a little better....

oh, where to even begin.
okay, well first of all we are home. halle was discharged this morning. thank you all so very much for the kind words of encouragement, the perseverance, and praying. most of all, the praying. she is still battling her fever and her appetite is slowly coming back...but boy is it a night and day difference from the beginning of the week!

halle started coming down with a fever on monday night. i didn't think much of it because there have been a few viruses running around. by tuesday afternoon she was just not acting like herself, so i called pediatrics and they slipped her in with the on-call doc. they cathed her and ran a urinalysis for a UTI. the rapid came back negative so we all just figured it was, once again, a virus. by 3 a.m. wed. morning she started vomiting and refused to eat. by wednesday lunch she had thrown up 6 times and was crying non-stop. actually she had been crying non-stop for about 2 days straight. and i'm not exagerating when i say that! so i called the clinic again and explained what was going on. (you know how sometimes you just get that "feeling"?) her fever had spiked up to 103...which in and of itself isn't too big of a deal, i guess, IF you can stay hydrated. (and if you are not an infant). i was told they wanted to see her again, so we went back to the clinic. Dr. Davis checked her over and over again and said, "i think we need to get a CBC and some cultures from her." so off we went to the lab. while we were down there, halle kept worsening. by the time we got back from lab dr. davis looked at her and the conversation went something like this:
Dr. Davis: "erin, i think i need to tap her."
ME: "what? tap her? how?"
Dr. Davis: "i think i need to do a spinal tap on her."
i must have had a shocked look on my face because that was not what i was expecting. on a side note; dr. davis is probably the most amazing woman i've met. she is compassionate and caring...and very very thorough...Praise God. and we are so thankful to have her as our pediatrician!
Dr. Davis: "i'll only try 3 times. if i can't get it by then i won't stick her any more."
she gave me the choice on whether or not i wanted to come and watch. this is such an emotional struggle for me. with wren, i forced myself to be tough and to be there for him. now, i've come to the realization that i really do not enjoy watching my children being stuck. you want to be there as their stronghold, and you want to run the other way all in the same breath. i chose to run away. i was already in tears and the thought of having to stand and watch just didn't sit with me.
she came back in shortly after and said,
"i'm sorry...i couldn't get it."
Dr. Davis: "erin, i think we need to admit her."
again, a blank expression on my face. Me: "like, in the hospital?"
Dr. Davis: "yes. i haven't had to do a spinal tap in 3 years. today i've done 2 and the child we admitted this morning looked less sick than halle does now. i think it's important to get her in and monitor her."
ME: ........(pause)......"okay."
(this is before i knew how very serious bacterial spinal meningitis could be...otherwise i wouldn't have paused.)
she said there are two ways to administer rocephine (oh, excuse my spelling...i'm not sure in any case how to spell that one. and it's late!) you can get 2 shots each day...one in each leg. or you can get an IV dose for two days. or in halle's case 3. because halle was still not eating and still throwing up, we opted for the IV dose. that way they could couple fluids with the antibiotic.
as soon as we got over to the hospital, they whisked her away to the procedure room to start an IV. they couldn't get it so they called the anesthesiologist. he got it on the first try (thank you!). then they brought her back and started the antibiotic right away. we made it through the first night and in the morning dr. davis came through for rounds. as she was looking at her, she commented that a few months back she had had an infant who was acting very similar. this infant was very very fussy, but was not manifesting anything that you could put a finger on. they finally did some xrays and found that the child had intestinal interception. (i think that's what she called it). usually, you will find blood and or mucus in the stool and the tummy will bloat some. so she ordered up some abdominal xrays and to be safe threw in a chest one too. as we were preparing her to go down for xray (which in the end they came up to our room...again, thank you!) the nurses that were in the room were commenting on how halle looked very "neuro". she was arching to her side and tilting her head back. her fontanelle (another word i can't spell) had filled up with fluid and she just was not responding. so! with that in mind, things started rolling.

dr. davis: "we need to get her down for a CT scan right away."
so off she went. michael had shown up just prior to the CT excitement. when they took her down i sat on the bed for a few moments letting things sink in...and cried. michael came to my side and just held me for a while. then i went to take a shower (sometimes they help in the processing of things for me because it feels like you could maybe wash everything away and start fresh.) in there i cried and cried and prayed and pleaded and cried some more. as i was praying and crying, the one person who kept going through my head was jill. i can't explain the crushing, unbearable weight that comes upon you when you are faced with the possibility that you might have to say good-bye to your child for now. and i thought that that was what i was going to be facing. before they had come to take halle, dr. davis said,
"erin, i need to get some balls rolling. if we have to transfer her, do you want her in the cities or in rochester?"
ME, "rochester. i'm more comfortable there and i know the people there..." in my mind i'm thinking....transfer????? what????
so she got in contact with the infectious disease doc over at st. mary's and got things in order should halle have to be transferred. all in one moment i just simply couldn't breathe. i think you literally feel like the wind has been knocked out of you. my mind kept replaying the families that we have known that have gone into the hospital with a "sick" child...only to find out they are terminally ill - and they never leave with their child again. you can't breathe. your heart is crushed and crumbled all in the same breath. i can't explain at that moment what it was to have just a small taste of the road that the herweyers and other families have had to walk. jill, if you read this...there are no words. i'm so sorry.

i got out of the shower and went to sit on the bed waiting for halle to come back. they came back up and put her in my arms minutes later and said, "dr. davis stayed down there to read the results right away. she'll come back up and explain them to you in a little bit."

so i waited. not too long after Dr. Davis appeared in the doorway and said,
"they are clear."
and an audible sigh resounded in the room.
Dr. Davis, "once again erin, i really think we need to tap her. if you're okay with it, i'll have one of my colleagues come and try. we'll both be in the room and again, we won't try more than 3 times."
apparantly, this fellow dr. enjoys doing spinal taps. i told her i liked ice cream...but to each his own! (you always have to throw humor in there to lessen the blow....it's a rule). as it would turn out, this dr. who liked performing spinal taps did a marvelous job and got her on the first try. if you have bacterial meningitis (the often fatal one), the fluid that comes from the spine is usually cloudy and bloody in appearance and comes out in a "whoosh" so they say. halle's was clear. Praise God. and it dripped out as it should have. so again, dr. davis appeared in the door with 4 viles of halle's fluid and said, "oh, you guys...it's clear." and a very apparant smile on her face. she told us she was going to run a few tests with it and we would know results by the end of the day. a little while later...the results came back as elevated levels of protiens and i think she said white blood cell counts. which would make sense because when you fight an infection your white cell count shoots up. (everything was kind of a blur by then because the most important "tests" she had passed.) but the verdict was viral spinal meningitis. we don't know where she got it from. it can enter the mengesis part of the brain apparantly in a few different ways. it can be something as simple as a common infection like a cold. and so on and so forth. the bummer is there is really nothing you can do for it. you have to ride it out like a cold too. most people can do this from the comfort of their own homes. okay, well not really comfort. from what i hear it is an absolute miserable bear to fight. if you are an infant, however, and you can't keep anything down, you get to do it with the company of IV fluids. friday afternoon halle started keeping a little food in her tummy so saturday was our beautiful discharge day. friday night, after i had tucked halle in at the hospital, michael called me to tell me that wren was spiking a temp and convulsing and he couldn't stop it. so, onto the second case we went. another long story...but for now, wren is okay. he is still pretty sick today. not eating and getting the shakes along with a stickler of a fever. we are going to start him on an antibiotic...but are giving him a day to hopefully get his tummy toned down a little. he still has a nissen which prevents him from throwing up and this is kind of a good thing if you want to keep things down....but it's pretty rough to watch him convulse for 5 minutes because he can't rid his body of anything. the antibiotic is actually for an infection in his eye, nose, mouth region. most likely a sinus infection. but in all speaking...we're just praying it helps out around the board.

emma is healthy. and that's all i have to say about that. she is incredible. when i dropped her off at a friend's house on the way to the dr. on wednesday, we obviously didn't know that we weren't going to be back. i didn't get a chance to talk to her until thursday, and she just poured out the love over the telephone. she really is an incredible girl. very compassionate...and understands with wisdom far beyond her years.
anyway, that's kind of our update for now. thank you again for praying. to rest on that....to know that people are out there supporting you....you'll see it continually on faces and hearts of those who have struggled.....that's everyone. prayer. prayer is the answer. God is the answer. God bless....we'll update more as health starts assulting us. :-) g'night.

erin

okay, a day later i just re-read the entry...i am SO sorry for such a run-on, confusing jumble of i don't know what. i guess trying to get the story out was not as easy as i thought! i don't know that i could even follow it...hmph. in any case...hopefully the gist of it was understood. (i hate coming across as ignorant where my children are concerned.) that's what late night writing will do to you! :-)

Friday, July 14, 2006 10:09 PM CDT

just a quick note...
halle has been in the hospital since wednesday because of what they like to call viral spinal menangitis. i'll update more later....please be praying.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006 7:56 AM CDT

i hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of july. we're creeping up on wren's 1 year anniversary of being trach free. i tend to go back and re-read my entries from the prior years to see what was happening around that time. the first year, wren had just been moved to a real crib and was around 3 lbs. the second year, he had just seen his first parade and learned to roll over "tubes and all". the third year we were preparing to say farewell to our nurses and get on with the trach removal. each year, it seems, God was doing a little more taming of my heart. as many of you know, this year has been a great struggle for me. it's a funny thing, when you've been in the presence of God, you just assume you'll always be there. you "know" there will be valleys, and you "know" you will struggle at times...but for some reason when i all of a sudden find myself struggling - it always comes as a surprise to me. i feel like i've been wandering through that proverbial desert searching for i don't know what and at the same time swimming in the metaphoric ocean and trying my best just to keep my head above water. as i was cleaning yesterday i realized that once again, i was trying to find perfection before i approached the throne for help. i think in my mind i want to be "okay" before i ask for help. i want to find approval from God and a little part of me wants to know that He looks at me and says, "you're okay. i don't have to do that much to get you on the right path." oh how easily i forget that i am yet a sinner saved by grace and that, without Him, i am never "okay". not only that, i realized for the umpteenth time that it's in our weakness that He is our strength. (you'd think i'd have retained this lesson by now!) for whatever reason, when i look at this year, i think i so very wanted to be able to do it on my own. without any help. without any need to call upon the Lord to save me from drowning. i don't know why. what a stupid concept that would be. yet, i'm guilty. maybe because the last time i fully relenqished my heart and repented of going it alone, God stepped in and consumed me. (wren was born). i think i was afraid that that was going to happen again if i even eeked a little prayer of "Lord, make me yours wholey." it's sad and it's a confession. because even in spite of wren's coming, the last time i gave God full control of my life was the absolute most astounding time of my life. a turning point. a peace, comfort and presence i will NEVER forget...nor ever want to be without if i have any mind to me. so, anyway, as michael and i were talking i said, "you know hon, 20 years ago i was 10 (generally speaking) and 20 years from now i'll be 50. i know how fast the first 20 years went...and i have a premonition that the second will go even faster. i don't want to get to the "end" of my life (so not implying that 50 is the end...just closer than 10) and look back and say, 'i wish i would have taken the time to know God more.' or 'i wish i would have _____'." i don't want to face regrets that are preventable...and maybe i will anyway you look at it, but there are things that i KNOW i want to embrace whole heartedly...and knowing God is one of them. so, point of this whole regergitation? ...hmmm...i guess i'm not really sure. i just think that it's good sometimes to remember where you've been, what God has brought you through, and then look to where you are going. evaluating your heart, spirit and life...and taking care of all of them. not always an easy task. but thankfully, God has provided us with friends, family and the family of God to help us through. and 3 1/2 years later, i still want to tell you how much your presence in our lives has mattered. it has pulled us through some very tough times...and we never felt deserted or isolated. thank you. thank you for the faithful prayers. my grandma tells me of this older gentlemen in her church who still asks about wren and still prays for him daily. i have never met him...but God bless the friends i haven't met yet. and may God bless you.

Saturday, July 1, 2006 8:04 AM CDT

i was going to post some new pictures, but my photoshop is on the blitz. who knew? i took the kids and went up to visit my parents this week. the weather was perfect and the kids stayed busy. wait, let me rephrase that. the girls (emma took a friend with) stayed busy outside in an undestructive way...and wren stayed busy inside with halle and me most of the time in a very...constructive...okay, destructive way. :-) i'd tell you all that ensued, but i'm afraid even caringbridge could not hold that much information! he's not naughty though...just a boy. very curious. and, both fortunately and unfortunately, my parent's just put some new tile down in their kitchen/dining room. good for spills...bad for glass things. anyway, we all came back a little more sick than when we left...but refreshed none the less. wren gave me quite a fright on thursday night. he woke up around 1 a.m. and couldn't catch his breath. i haven't had to use his neb machine in a couple months so i neglected to pack it (a mistake i do not intend on repeating)...i watched him struggle for a while, then my mom came and brought him into a steam shower for a while while is tried to look for something in his diaper bag that might resemble asthma medication. he does not yet do the aero chamber (actually, i haven't tried yet)....so nebs are the key. nope, i did not in fact pack my pocket size neb machine. (okay, there is no such thing...at least not in my world). so, i went into the bathroom and tried to check his breathing via my ear to his chest and his heart rate by palpitation. old school my husband would say. around 2 i readied us to drive back to mankato. as i was getting everything together, i had that all of a sudden "stop" feeling. just for a refresher...sometimes i panic. my first gut instinct kicks in and i kind of ummmmm, run with it without always thinking. thankfully, i'm married to a man who thinks things through before he acts...and i am learning in the process. granted there are those times when your instinct is the best and you shouldn't think twice...but this wasn't one of them. i started thinking about who could be on the roads at 2 am, then i thought about the tired factor (didn't sleep much this week), then i thought about arousing 4 precious children and toting them home in the middle of the night. i would have done it had it not been for the fact that wren was breathing clearly when i walked back into the bedroom. well, i shouldn't say clearly...but breathing. i stayed up and monitored him until 3 and then finally nodded off. emma woke up at 3:30 "itching". and to our amazement (not really) she had about a bazillion bug bites on her feet and legs. so, i went and got her some calamine lotion and benedryl in hopes that sleep could find her once again. i brought her into bed with me, wren and halle (who did sleep through all of this). no, this isn't a king sized bed...but we won't talk about that part. i think halle got up to eat somewhere after the long stent of emma's kicking and misery of "i CAAAN'T stop ITCHING!" "arghhhh!" "uuhhhh" "mmmmnnnnnuh". the whole bed was shaking. the poor girl. i haven't itched like that in a long time. then halle woke up at 5 for the day. it was simply just a long night. but thankfully everyone came out of it safely. God and i did a lot of talking in the middle of the night. i sure am glad He is a God who doesn't slumber.
there is a young boy who i've linked once again. i had joel linked for a while before, but had since then changed the link. please be praying for him once again. thank you...and God bless.

Monday, June 26, 2006 9:52 AM CDT

little miss halle had her 4 month appt. on friday. (has it really been 4 months?) she is in the 75 percentile for her weight and 50th for her height...and that is uncorrected. or for refresher from wren's days...she was 5 1/2 weeks early, so technically they could still count her as a not quite 3 month old. not so much...haha. her pediatrician said that in the next few weeks here we'll probably have to start some cereal with her to keep up with her growing body. i said i wanted to try and push it off until 5 months and she said, "well, you can try...but just make sure you are paying attention to whether or not she can stay satisfied. my guess is, because she is a good size, she'll probably need the food sooner than later." what can i say? we love chubby babies around here! that's about all for now. God bless you.

Monday, June 12, 2006 8:57 PM CDT

sorry it took so long to update. i remember a day when i used to be sorta prompt at this. wren's tubes went phenominally! wren has proved to us time and again that he, in fact, does NOT like going to the dr. or the hospital. he proves this by "freaking out" whenever we are in that situation. as i approached the hospitals doors last wednesday i waited for the freak fest to begin. for lack of a better term. it didn't. then we got upstairs to same day surgery...still didn't. then we got back to the prep room...still didn't. then we put his gown on and took his sats....still didn't. then the anesthesiologist and dr. came in all gowned up and face mask tied around their necks. i thought for sure that would be the breaking point. nope. then the anesthesiologist came to take him away....okay, a few tears were shed there. they basically "took him and ran". 10 minutes later the dr. came to talk to me to let me know that it had gone fantastically. 5 minutes after that i got back into his prep room. he came around the corner in a nurses arms almost smiling. WHAAAA????? yes, that's right. he sat in my lap for about 2 minutes and then grabbed my hand to go walking around. as we were walking by the nurses station, a nurse asked, "they haven't come back to get him yet?!?" i said, "no, he's been gone and is back already." her reply? "wow." yeah, that's my boy. i feel somewhat like a pro at this when it goes that smoothly. so my first reaction is praise God! i know tubes are a small thing...but the fact that we got to do them down here and it went so well...Praise God.
emma is recovering nicely. today she said, "mom? i feel wonderful!" those words are music to my ears.
i took the kids up to visit my grandparents today. what a sweet time that was. my grandma is an incredibly sharp woman. her memory far outlasts that of an elephant and she can talk about anything. and very knowledgeably about anything. it is just wonderful to be in their presence.
i've been having a great time at BW3's. i had a table this weekend who introduced themselves and told me they had been following wren's website. may i say that it still blesses my heart to meet you who abide on "the other side". it's fun to know i have friends i haven't met yet. i get good excercise up there (or over there...i guess), and am enjoying the adult interaction. i'm struggling with finding a nitch with the people i work with. they are all "babies" and are at a completely different venue in their lives. i don't know if that makes me old...well, yes kind of. i'm one of the two oldest...and i have the most kids of everyone. imagine that! not the point. point is sometimes i struggle with topics of conversation and not knowing how to relate to these people. to build relationship...but not to encourage certain behaviors. this is all very new to me seeing as how i haven't been in this type of working environment for....10 years? at least at other places i've worked, there usually are people around who have families. very wierd. anyway, may God have His way with me there too.
my wonderful husband and i are celebrating 7 years of marriage today. it feels like the blink of an eye. my grandma made the comment to me today that went something like this, "i always knew i'd get old someday...i just didn't think it would happen so fast." it kind of makes you stop and treasure today.

God bless.

p.s. i don't know why the koala bears are frowning. i was just trying to find something different! we're not grumpy here...i promise. well, at least not for the most part!

Monday, June 5, 2006 3:54 PM CDT

this is wren and is 1 1/2 year old neighbor buddy goin' for a 3-wheeler ride. yes, ethan surpasses wren in size by about 7 pounds...and is as sturdy as an ox. hence, he's the driver! emma's recovery is going well. she has hit the very painful days of recovery from what i hear...and she has definitely felt them. she will cry uncontrollably if i miss the medication. lastnight i was trying to calm her down in the middle of the night and she said (through sobs), "i-i-i-i-i....cccaan-n-n-nt s-s-sto-p c-r-cr-c-r-yi-ng..." poor dear. i hope this goes away quickly for her.
we are gearing up for wren's surgery on wednesday. we had his pre-op on friday and his pediatrician was trying to get things squared away for us BEFORE wednesday, but apparantly there is still the chance that we will show up (at 6 a.m. i might add) and the anesthesiologist will refuse him because of his history. what we do have in our court is that the pediatric ENT at ISJ has actually performed LTR's back in washington. so IF he needed to be intubated for any reason, she could do it. hopefully that's just not the case period. that's about all for now. just enjoying the summer days...ahhhh.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 3:23 PM CDT

well, go figure, we here in the eccles' household won't do anything half heartedly. emma's surgery went really well this morning. when they initially took her back they told us it would take around 45 minutes or so. over an hour later they came out to tell us they were finishing up. we love our ENT here. he is a wonderful man and loves the Lord. he came into our conference room and began with, "well, emma is probably going to be quite sore." i don't know if you remember us saying that wren's ENT stated "wren has probably the largest tonsils i have ever seen on a kid his size." emma's ENT said that emma had some of the largest tonsils that they had seen in a long time. the size of chicken nuggets was the comparison. they had started growing up and attatching themselves to other places so it took them a lot more digging to remove them. once he started to cut them out he said they basically crumbled because they had been so diseased. then he moved onto the adenoids and said, "we base it on a 4 pt. scale. emma was a 3 plus....basically her airway was 75-80 percent obstructed." so gone were the adenoids too. he pleasently presented the idea that we will notice quite a difference in everything from her sleeping to her eating to her behavior. i don't know how many of you personally know my emma, but she is, in my eyes, such a wonderful girl already. i'm so very glad that this will make her feel much better. onto the recovery. thanks for the kind thoughts and words today. her morning was rough...but we have her doped up on tylenol 3 and motrin and i believe we will keep her that way due to the advice of so many who have already been there. thank you! God bless.

Sunday, May 28, 2006 0:27 AM CDT

short entry tonight. my humor of the day. halle was having an incredibly crabby day today. i finally got to the point where i thought, "all there is left is to put you in your bassinet and let you cry." so, i plunked her into the laundry basket to carry her and the laundry upstairs (yes, you have to multi-task) and it appeared that we found our nitch. :-) she very much so enjoys the laundry basket. well, at least today she did. who knows about tomorrow! anyway, brought a smile to my face amidst the tears. mine not hers. well, okay, hers too.
emma is still looking forward to her surgery on wednesday. i've found myself at a crossroad where i'm not sure how much information to release to her. i don't want her to worry about her upcoming surgery because really you can't avoid the pain either way, but i also don't want her to wake up and feel like i cheated her or lied to her because i didn't tell her how much it was going to hurt. she "knows" it will hurt. but i don't think she realizes it yet. she's pretty stuck on the fact that she can eat all the popsicles and ice cream she wants. haha. just like her mom, she needs to find the rainbow in every storm.
wren's tubes are set to go in the following week. i think i already said that. after that i think our appts. will slow a bit. oh, emma is going to see the pediatric cardiologist one more time to "close the book" on her heart murmur. that will be nice. hope you all have a wonderful memorial day weekend. remember to thank those who protect us daily. God bless.

Monday, May 22, 2006 10:59 AM CDT

you know how they say that 90 percent of your happiness depends on your attitude? i believe that that, coupled with our obedience to "count it all joy" (or in everything to give thanks), and a little perspective; you've got yourself quite the blend of ingredients to make it through whatever may come - with the strength that only God can give. (okay, mr. turk, my high school english teacher, would have hay day with that run-on! plus, he'd probably make me label all of my comma rules). i say this more as a reminder to myself than as a complete revelation to any of you who might actually stumble through this. i had one of those weekends where i swear i must have taken a stupid pill (pardon the expression) before i even started it....and i'm pretty sure it was a long lasting pill because it lasted all weekend. i woke up this morning feeling very foolish and wanting to crawl back into whatever available hole i could find, but instead i turned on the news. (perspective). i'm not usually a news person in the morning, but halle puked in our bed around 5:30 and that warrented me getting up anyhow. :-) amazing the unnintentional motivation kids can bring. hee hee. so, not the point of my story. one of the stories this morning was on the gun shooting at the church down in baton rouge. 5 people dead a few injured. and i thought to myself..."i could have just had the worst weekend of my life (which it wasn't) but i still have my family. and all of these "things" that i was so concerned about...they will all fade away." even my pride and my foolishness will be forgotten (well, hopefully). but my family is my investment. what i needed most was perspective to turn me around. to give thanks in all and for all. to glorify God with what He has blessed me with. boy, i could go on for a while...but for now, i really need to get emma from school. if i'm late for that...well, i have no excuse~! God be with you today. may His face shine upon you and bless you where your footsteps land.

Friday, May 19, 2006 7:34 AM CDT

gotta love summer!

Thursday, May 18, 2006 9:22 AM CDT

a year or so ago michael had made a video of wren for his dedication (some of you might remember it from church). yesterday i was trying to copy the file onto a cd for some march of dimes stuff and he sat in my lap while i was working. all of a sudden the tears started pouring. not mine. his. he would look at the screen and bury his face in my chest and sob. then he would look up again and turn away and start sobbing. he cried and cried and cried, and even when the video was done he was still crying. i was flabergasted. i had no clue what was affecting him. i thought maybe seeing pictures of dad holding a baby in the hospital made him believe that dad was in the hospital....(he is very family with the LOOK of the hospital and can recognize that anywhere). so lastnight we were all here in the kitchen and mikee was holding him watching the video...just to see if it made any difference. it didn't. more tears. absolutely broke our hearts...but we don't know what he's recognizing from the video. in an absurd way it's kind of a good thing because it means his development is maturing. but it's not enough to tell us what is hurting him. what an amazing boy.
he will be having his tubes put in in june. we originally were going to do it next week, but this that and the other thing caused us to push it off a little longer. i'm excited for the tubes...a little leary of the surgery. he will be having it here in mankato. i'm a little nervous to let anyone from mankato work on him simply because of his history...but mostly because of the LTR. that's just a quick update for now. and i never know how to end my updates anymore. but thank you to those who still check on us. it's still nice to be loved. :-) God bless.

Tuesday, May 9, 2006 2:10 PM CDT

well, the last couple weeks has been nothing short of a whirlwind for me. actually, i could narrow that down to the last few days. :-) first of all wren. oh, wren. wren, wren, wren, wren! what am i to do with this all boy, boy? we were out at our in-laws on sunday night and he decided that he should try to walk down the stairs WITHOUT any help of any kind - aka walls, rails, hands, whatever. he hit the last step a little wrong and caught himself with his face. or more specifically, his nose. i was sure darned fired that it was broken. it bled and bled and bled and bled....(you get the picture). michael assured me, however, that it was NOT broken because he was only bleeding out of one side. (i didn't know this made any difference what-so-ever!) we all recovered only to wake up the next morning and start it off with wren falling off our bed and catching his face on the side bed board. you can see the pretty scar that left! once again, recovered. only to wake up from his nap that afternoon and while trying to retrieve his teddy from under the grand piano, he clocked his head with such force i was sure we rattled a few brain cells out of it. "we" recovered. today, i took both emma and wren to audiology/ENT (oh, halle was there too...but not to be seen). emma was absolutely WONDERFUL in chasing her brother down when he would "scamper" off to some unknown space. she would drag him back and they would laugh as only a game would make them. we got into wren's audiology appt. to have another audiogram done only to find out that his ears are chalk (or gunk) full of fluid. so, the audiogram has been postponed until the underlying problem is taken care of. we are going to be putting tubes in his ears in the next month or so. i just need to schedule it. we then bumped over for emma's ENT appt. it was confirmed that she does, indeed, have "extremely" large tonsils. (we kind of knew this. it seems to be a family trait). so, we have her scheduled for the end of may to get her tonsils and adnoids out. ironically, the sweet little thing is quite excited for this surgery. i tried explaining to her what would happen...but i think because of her familiarity with the hospital she is just excited that it's finally "her turn" to be in the hospital. are we absolutely out of our minds here? not to mention that the dr.'s office to my two oldest has become more of a veritable playground than a place where you go to get fixed. the chairs have become the "spinny things". the drawers are most certainly made for exploration, and all the "stuff" in them could be fair game as far as they are concerned. don't get me wrong, they listen very well when i need to gain some semblance of control. haha. anyway, we got all the paperwork done for her and started on our way out to go to surgery scheduling. as i was heading down the hall, one of the nurses came running after me to give me the paper work on recovery. as i stopped to grab it and say a few words i saw my two lovelies disappear around the corner. as i rounded the corner after them i found an older woman gingerly setting my crying son on the top step. to her horror she had watched him take a nose dive down the stairs. (they are not very soft stairs). not the point. wren seemed to be okay, but within minutes i had about 4 nurses around me checking him out and telling me i needed to proceed down to their family practice to get him checked out. protocol. i cringed. emma was already begging to be gone, and wren was acting fine. but it was out of our hands....so onto the next dr. emma's words were and i quote, "MOM! are we ever going to leave this place?!?" haha. i wasn't so sure. we did eventually make it through the third dr. of the day and onto surgery scheduling. got emma scheduled for pre-op, surgery, and post-op. not too unfamiliar in my world...but by the time i got out to my car i sat down and felt like i couldn't move. i was waiting for my thoughts to stop spinning and my ground to regain. BOY, they tire me out!!!!!! and i love it. i just can't believe how few brain cells i have right now. i know i keep saying that...but seriously! i started a new job last week. it is something very part time and i enjoy being able to get out of the house 1 or 2 nights a week. i see big people and i can talk without being interrupted and everything! it is so exciting! mikee stays home with the kids on those evenings, so he is getting in some good bonding time too. it kind of works good for both of us. i think when i'm around, i just tend to take control of the kids and i never really give him a chance to really KNOW them. SO! there you have it. we just finished wren's re-evaluation over at PTS and that went very very well. we are going to set up his summer schedule to fit in PT once a week coupled with speech which will be twice a week. we will also be doing OT twice a week and maybe couple that with speech one day. so, hopefully, we'll only be there 3 or 4 days a week...but i am so excited for him to be getting back into the groove. he is such a sponge right now. :-) well, that's about the update that i have. i'm sure i'm missing something...but i couldn't tell you what right now. OH! i'm an aunt once again today. my brother and his wife just had their second little boy. Isaiah Christian. what FUN.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 12:48 AM CDT

first days

Wednesday, April 26, 2006 7:55 AM CDT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WREN! HE IS 3 TODAY....PRAISE GOD.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 10:14 AM CDT

i realize that this picture is probably a little big...but i'm not very good at resizing things to fit where they should! i'm coming to the point (in case you haven't yet figured it out) where i think wren's webpage is becoming something of the past. it's been a gradual weaning because i do enjoy writing on it - when i have something to say. Praise God, that just doesn't seem to be the case lately. the biggest issues we are dealing with are sleep deprivation, ear infections and acid reflux. now, isn't that normal sounding? amazing considering how unnormal i feel right now (mostly due to sleep deprivation i think)...but in any case, i don't want to write just to blog. i'll set up a different website for that. this is to be used for medical purposes and IF and WHEN i get another set up, i'll let you know. for now i'll keep this up for the links...but someday it will become inactive i'm sure. wierd. such a big part of my life the past 3 years....it will be strangely vacant without for a while :-) anyway, it's not going anywhere today. just a heads up. God bless!

Thursday, April 13, 2006 8:11 AM CDT

michael came into our bedroom this morning and said, "honey! you have to come see this." our vision outside our bathroom window this morning. how beautiful to wake up to God's promises each morning. it stretched from one side to the other in a perfect ark. and as i said it out loud this morning, how funny i never realized before that it forms an "ark". anyway, mild revelations in the midst of a groggy wake up.
i was going through wren's "bottom drawer" yesterday and the day before packing away all of our memoirs from the NICU and piles of cards from all of you. may i say right now, just to get it off of my chest, that i am racked with guilt over the fact that i never got more than a handful of thank you's out. i read through so many cards and in each one i had marked what was sent or brought along with it. i think i was so overwhelmed in the beginning with the overflow of concern and kindness i got behind...and then just flat out gave up. it's a good thing...really. you all deserve so much more than my thanks...and i apologize that it is one thing i have, unfortunately, never been very good at. it's one thing i want to instill in my children to be good at showing their thanks...so far i have not set a very good example. but please know that just because you didn't get a written thank you from me, it does not mean that your show of kindness meant any less to me. with that said, thank you so much for everything these past 3 years. (3 years???!!!)
wren continues to do well. we just had his IFSP meeting this past week to go over his development in preparation for his schooling this summer and next year. he will be attending the early intervention preschool in district #77. thus far, his particular classroom is being housed at Bridge's, with the potential to be moved. we'll see what happens. he will be attending 2 weeks of summer school in august as kind of a transitional time. the first week in may we meet with the therapists at PTS (pediatric therapy services) to do a re-evaluation of him. :-) the school district and PTS work independently with him...but pretty much on the same things. he is catching on quickly to the mimicing now. he can say "help" - it comes out "ep!" but he slaps his arm (baby sign) when he says it, so you know he is actually trying to say it. with most of his words now he also signs them. BIG HELP! he can also say, "red"-"ed", "cow"-"oowwww", "mama", "puppy", "got it!" and will make the sounds for a cow, duck, pig, puppy and a couple other animals. it is so much fun to be able to hear some communication from him. he is a LOT smarter than i give him credit for. hard for parenting. he is so "spotty" in all of his development. some things are "here" and some things are "there". all in all, he's at around an 18 month level on average. parenting him is tricky though because some of the things he comes up with are definitely 3 year old things! so, taking that into consideration...disciplining him and "training" him are still the top....frustrations?....in my life. just because i want to be appropriate with him, but also firm and not let him get away with things he know better not to do. haha. i think little boys are just built to test the limits anyhow, and i have to remember that. he is not emma and he is not a girl. he is wren and he IS a boy.
halle slept from 9:30 lastnight 'till 3:30 this morning. :-) yay! starting to get a little bit longer lengths in there. it helps a ton. still no smiles from her. she is one serious little kitty kat. she gets the most peculiar disgruntled look on her face and will just stare at me. a couple days ago she was staring at me, and all of a sudden her eyes got really really wide and her head came back as if she just realized i was actually there. then she went back to her stare....then she did it again...then she went back to her stare....then she did it again. i was laughing so hard by the time i laid her down. even a serious child can crack me up!
emma is so very much looking forward to kindergarten. and that's about all i have to say about that! she continues to be such a joy, help, and sweetness in my life. i enjoy her so much, i can't wait for both of my girls to be at a level where we can go out and do "girl" things together. very much looking forward to that!
as for mikee and me...well, i'm still searching out words of advice from mothers who have had more than 3. in all seriousness (and i'm not trying to gripe here) everyone would say, "boy, after that 3rd you have a little more trouble getting your old body back." i'd kind of laugh and say, "oh, yeah!" but they weren't KIDDING! this is just not "melting" off as some claimed it would. i find myself really thinking i'm gonna have to work at this (and frustrated by that realization no less), and i don't want to face that yet. i just want it to go away. we'll see what happens. :-)
mikee continues to just be wonderful and busy. he is such a wonderful man and provider. hope all is well with everyone "out there". it's funny, when i write these entries, your faces go through my head (obviously not everyone all at once) but it's nice to know some of the people reading this. it kind of feels like i'm actually talking to someone over 3 feet high. :-)

Friday, March 31, 2006 1:06 PM CST

please be praying for this family. I've added their link to the bottom, and have tried 6 times to write a little something...my computer is bound to frustrate me today. so, instead i'm making it simple and short.

Friday, March 31, 2006 1:06 PM CST

Today is Halle's due date. As I look at her sweet little almost 10 lb. frame, I'm very acutely aware that there is no possible way she would have fit inside of me this long. I've actually tried to fold her up and measure....nope. Wasn't going to happen. I took her out for pictures today. One of the photography studios sends out a post card for a free sitting and 8x10 after you have your baby...a sweet blessing it is. She, of course, cried the entire time. Curiosity has me as to how they will turn out. But, in any sense, it's how she felt at that time about what we were doing to her. Tears or no tears, she'll be lovely. I'm weary this week. My energy has been zapped by some unknown force, and I find myself doing things that solitify that fact. Like...speeding in a school zone. Or leaving my car in drive when i turn it off to go in the store and then not being able to figure out why it won't start when I come back out. Or putting refrigerated food in the cupboards. Or trying to give Halle Wren's meds and Wren Halle's meds. Or placing my truck keys in inconspicuous unfindable places and then running late for Emma's school because our truck "key hunt" didn't start early enough. Or packing Halle's things in Wren's diaper bag and Wren's things in Halle's. By the time I get to the end of the night and try to get the 3 of them in bed I'm quite literally dragging myself across the floor from Wren's room to Emma's. It's now afectionately called the nightime army crawl. Survival of the fittest. By the way, I have a stack of thank you's to everyone who has sent us or brought us gifts, meals, anything. We are oh so ever thankful and appreciative (although you couldn't tell by the thank you in your hand...). I just wanted you to know you can have yours...if you can come find them in my house. Actually, I know they are somewhere hidden between the kitchen and the living room. Cleaning your house does not fit under the catagory "survival of the fittest". It fits under the category of "driving me insane that I can't keep up with it"! But, I have been assured many times by so many others that this too will come into place eventually! That's kind of us in a nut shell right now.

On an end note for now, my grandpa passed away today. I could write a great deal on all the emotions streaming through me right now, but for those of you who have ever lost a loved one, you kind of know the gammot of feelings.

Friday, March 31, 2006 1:06 PM CST

Today is Halle's due date. As I look at her sweet little almost 10 lb. frame, I'm very acutely aware that there is no possible way she would have fit inside of me this long. I've actually tried to fold her up and measure....nope. Wasn't going to happen. I took her out for pictures today. One of the photography studios sends out a post card for a free sitting and 8x10 after you have your baby...a sweet blessing it is. She, of course, cried the entire time. Curiosity has me as to how they will turn out. But, in any sense, it's how she felt at that time about what we were doing to her. Tears or no tears, she'll be lovely. I'm weary this week. My energy has been zapped by some unknown force, and I find myself doing things that solitify that fact. Like...speeding in a school zone. Or leaving my car in drive when i turn it off to go in the store and then not being able to figure out why it won't start when I come back out. Or putting refrigerated food in the cupboards. Or trying to give Halle Wren's meds and Wren Halle's meds. Or placing my truck keys in inconspicuous unfindable places and then running late for Emma's school because our truck "key hunt" didn't start early enough. Or packing Halle's things in Wren's diaper bag and Wren's things in Halle's. By the time I get to the end of the night and try to get the 3 of them in bed I'm quite literally dragging myself across the floor from Wren's room to Emma's. It's now afectionately called the nightime army crawl. Survival of the fittest. By the way, I have a stack of thank you's to everyone who has sent us or brought us gifts, meals, anything. We are oh so ever thankful and appreciative (although you couldn't tell by the thank you in your hand...). I just wanted you to know you can have yours...if you can come find them in my house. Actually, I know they are somewhere hidden between the kitchen and the living room. Cleaning your house does not fit under the catagory "survival of the fittest". It fits under the category of "driving me insane that I can't keep up with it"! But, I have been assured many times by so many others that this too will come into place eventually! That's kind of us in a nut shell right now.

On an end note for now, my grandpa passed away today. I could write a great deal on all the emotions streaming through me right now, but for those of you who have ever lost a loved one, you kind of know the gammot of feelings.

Friday, March 31, 2006 1:06 PM CST

Today is Halle's due date. As I look at her sweet little almost 10 lb. frame, I'm very acutely aware that there is no possible way she would have fit inside of me this long. I've actually tried to fold her up and measure....nope. Wasn't going to happen. I took her out for pictures today. One of the photography studios sends out a post card for a free sitting and 8x10 after you have your baby...a sweet blessing it is. She, of course, cried the entire time. Curiosity has me as to how they will turn out. But, in any sense, it's how she felt at that time about what we were doing to her. Tears or no tears, she'll be lovely. I'm weary this week. My energy has been zapped by some unknown force, and I find myself doing things that solitify that fact. Like...speeding in a school zone. Or leaving my car in drive when i turn it off to go in the store and then not being able to figure out why it won't start when I come back out. Or putting refrigerated food in the cupboards. Or trying to give Halle Wren's meds and Wren Halle's meds. Or placing my truck keys in inconspicuous unfindable places and then running late for Emma's school because our truck "key hunt" didn't start early enough. Or packing Halle's things in Wren's diaper bag and Wren's things in Halle's. By the time I get to the end of the night and try to get the 3 of them in bed I'm quite literally dragging myself across the floor from Wren's room to Emma's. It's now afectionately called the nightime army crawl. Survival of the fittest. By the way, I have a stack of thank you's to everyone who has sent us or brought us gifts, meals, anything. We are oh so ever thankful and appreciative (although you couldn't tell by the thank you in your hand...). I just wanted you to know you can have yours...if you can come find them in my house. Actually, I know they are somewhere hidden between the kitchen and the living room. Cleaning your house does not fit under the catagory "survival of the fittest". It fits under the category of "driving me insane that I can't keep up with it"! But, I have been assured many times by so many others that this too will come into place eventually! That's kind of us in a nut shell right now.

On an end note for now, my grandpa passed away today. I could write a great deal on all the emotions streaming through me right now, but for those of you who have ever lost a loved one, you kind of know the gammot of feelings.

Saturday, March 11, 2006 9:26 PM CST

okay, mother of three. enough said. i promise i'll get a new update on and some new pictures of all of the kids. for now, i really have nearly lost my sanity! i for sure have lost all sleep. :-) isn't motherhood grand? i'll update later.

Monday, March 6, 2006 9:20 AM CST

mikee had to take the camera back to school with him when i was up at the hospital with halle, so, until i can figure out how to get the pictures from my phone to the computer, you'll have to do with somewhat repeated pictures. :-) we are doing well here. sleepless in mankato, but amazingly not due to halle. she seems to prove the easy one here. wren, last week, figured out how to catapult himself out of his crib onto his head. and though you'd think that smart like you know what, he continued to do it....so a big boy bed by force of our hands is what we are now contending with. what we end up doing, because he still wakes up in the middle of the night, is putting the puppy gate in his doorway (to protect him from falling down the stairs right outside his room) and then shutting the door if he gets to screamin' too loudly. his chosen place to sleep the past few nights has been on the floor with his blanket. mikee and i have sleeplessly shrugged and said, "well, he'll figure it out eventually that the bed is softer...and still in his room." emma has also taken to waking a couple times a night. the other morning she came in around 5:00 and said, "is it time to wake up yet?" HA! you can guess my reply. anyway, as it is with any new baby in a household we are just truly adjusting and trying to get our foundation laid so we can start enjoying these precious gifts. such a short update...you can expect those now! but just know all is well, and again, thank you. thank you thank you thank you for the help and the prayers and the meals and the gifts. they are all wonderful. God bless.

Thursday, March 2, 2006 8:15 AM CST

a very quick update for now! just wanted to let everyone know that we are HOME! :-) Halle was intubated last monday and tuesday, then on c-pap wed. and thurs., then the oxygen canula on fri. and sat., then off on sunday and monday...come tuesday they released us to come home. whew. i'll update a little more later (with some new pictures too), but for now, i just wanted to say thank you for your prayers and for continueing to uphold us. on an end note, when we were getting ready to leave i had a very fun surprise. genelle, one of the nurses from rochester's NICU days, was up in the cities doing her nurse's practicioners (okay, i have NO idea how to spell that!) C.E. and she poked her head in to say hi. it was so nice to see a familiar face up there. :-) and it made me miss, not the NICU, but all of the wonderful people we got to know while over there. so, hi to all my girls in rochester. i'll give you a more lengthy update later. boy, mother of 3 is definitely different than mother of 2! God bless.

Friday, February 24, 2006 7:48 AM CST

okay, i have a few minutes before i start moving for the day.
having halle was painstakingly familiar...and all together very different than wren. i woke up about 1 am monday morning just feeling a little off. of course, i attributed it to being hungry in the middle of the night so i went downstairs to have a bowl of cereal. i sat down at the computer to eat my cereal and update the web. (on bedrest, when you walk downstairs to get a bowl of cereal, you make it worth the walk and do everything you can all at once....or at least everything you can from a chair!) i went back up to bed around 4:00. mostly i just stayed up because after i ate the cereal i realized i had probably just verified the fact that i had caught the flu bug. i was very sick and my body was telling me that being sick and being 8 months pregnant at the same time were just not condusive to each other! halle had chosen this night to prove herself and olympian, and with each turn and kick and roll across my intestines and into my stomach i was pretty sure i was just going to die. well, not really...but it felt about as close as i've ever come. thankfully, cheri had already arranged to pick up the kids the following morning for a few days. (which has now become a full out week! thank you.) my mom had been staying with us, but had flown out to san diego on monday. so, with the kids taken care of and me on bed rest anyway, being sick was just...well, same as every other day had been for the last 3 weeks. i layed in bed all day long. the good thing was i didn't have an appetite so i didn't have to worry about trudging down the stairs to retrieve some food. about 2:00 in the afternoon, i started actually noticing the contractions. i was so distracted by halle accentuating the illness i wasn't paying attention to any pregnancy "things". i started timing them. about 3 weeks ago i had had an evening where they were coming every 6 minutes and i went in to get checked. of course, once i got there they just dissipated and they sent me home an hour later (this was a good thing!). i timed them on monday until about 4:30 thinking they were just going to die off again and pull the same thing. after 2 1/2 hours of them being 6 minutes apart, i finally called the clinic to see if i should go in and get checked or not. they said, "uh, yes." in short. so, i told them i was going to wait until 5 when my husband got home and we'd take off then. they replied with, "no, why don't you call your husband to come home early and go get checked now." haha. so i did just that. mikee and i got to the hospital and found out they were "extremely busy" monday night. apparantly a lot of kids were wanting to be born on president's day! they initially put us in a post-op c-section room...then they shuffled us accross the hall to a labor room. after all was said and done and i finally was hooked up to be monitored, it was about 5:40. my nurse said she'd monitor me for about 20 minutes and then they'd see what needed to be done. 6:00 she came in, grabbed the sheet of paper that tells you how far apart and how hard the contractions are, and left. mikee had been watching it so we already knew they were about 2 1/2 minutes apart. i had been feeling it, so i could tell you they were very hard and very effective! a few minutes later, dr. guildner came in, looked at me, looked at mikee, looked at the monitor and said, "well hon, you're kind of declaring yourself here. we need to get you delivered. you have the classic (verticle) incision in your uterus from wren and you run a very high risk of rupturing. i called the parinatologist up in the cities and he said, 'yes, get her delivered'. so, originally we were prepping someone down the hall to go first...but you are taking cuts. things will happen very quickly for you now." and all in an instant i had 5 or 6 people in my room scrubbing, shaving, placing iv's, drawing blood, filling out paper work....you get the idea. from about 6:15-6:30 they got me prepped. 6:30 i was in the operating room ready to go. they brought mikee in and said, "this won't take very long." as he started cutting he was commenting on how well my body healed from wren and how much scar tissue he was having to cut through and around. my uterus had actually started attatching itself to whatever around it...so, in reality it took a bit longer than expected. finally, 7:08 little miss halle showed her sweet face. they popped her over the curtain quick to give me a glance, then brought her over to the table to get cleaned up. she let out a few wails, but for the most part was pretty quiet. i think at that point mikee and i were kind of getting a clue that she might need a little extra help. we were not expecting that at all. 34 1/2 weeks is early....but it's not 22 and she was a girl (girl's lungs develop sooner than boys)....so, of course she was going to be just fine! i told michael to follow her down to the nursery and make sure she was okay. he reluctantly "obeyed" me...he wanted to make sure i was going to be okay and we still had a few procedures left to do. i think any women having a baby wins the fight though. we kind of trump all. so, he left. i got into recovery around 8:00 and that's when michael came in and said, "well, she's a good size. she's 6 lbs. 12.6 oz. 19 1/2 inches long. she's having trouble breathing though so they want to intubate her and transport her up to fairview." i just kind of sat there in a moment of shock and said, "whaaa?" then another scurry of people, nurses and dr.'s coming through to explain what was happening. they said they had tried to get a helicopter, but because of the wind they were going to use a van transport team instead. then i had one nurse come in and say, "i'm trying to convince them to let you hold her before they intubate." and within a few minutes in came my halle. those are the pictures on the web now with her face mask on. you just never realize how deeply you can love someone until they are placed in your arms and you take a glance at their vulnerability. mikee and i took a few short moments to pray over her and cuddle her...then she needed to be whisked off once more. once i could move my feet they said they would wheel me through the nursery and allow me to see her once before they took off. so, i willed my feet to move very quickly and they brought me to the nursery. this is the part where i say, "God bless these people." they allowed me to stay in the nursery until 12:30 when she left. and they WERE very very busy that night. nurses and babies coming through like crazy and here i am in my adult sized bed bunked by my baby and a transport team in the midst of it all. probably around 11 or so, the helicopter team called and said, "we can be there in 14 minutes. do you still want us to come?" yes! of course was the medical reply. so in a short time, the second transport team arrived bringing in even more jovial company to the already packed nursery! we were pretty much having a "party" back there for lack of a better word. about 12:00 they said, "okay, let's let mom hold her once more before we transport." and i was able to feel her for about 5 more minutes before she took off. that was the hard part. when i had wren, in all of his extremeness, i definitely couldn't hold him, and the only part i saw of him before they brought him over to st. mary's was his little hand limp over a wash cloth in the isolette. and that was for but a moment. i actually had to hand halle over to these wonderful people...and that is the last thing you wish to do as a mom. especially a new mom. i told myself over and over in this pregnancy i wasn't going to let her out of my sight after i had her. i had grand plans to keep her in my room and to hold the livin' daylights out of her. not to be. so they left, and my nurses took me down to my room. michael came down and around 1 a.m. went home quick to get some belongings we never brought because we didn't think we'd need them. haha! i sat there and within minutes realized God had blessed us with yet one more small wonder. a direct view outside of my window was the helicopter pad and i was able to watch halle lift off. it's small...but none the less God blessed my heart with it. they nursing staff is wonderful. i know they are trained in this sort of thing...but they do a very good job of remaining sensitive to your "situation". they took good care of me and would ask about halle, but they never overstepped or made anything uncomfortable or sad. i was impressed. i sat there with an annalytical mind for the first day and figured out i was way way way down at the end of the women's ward. i know they were busy, and post delivery mom's get boarded down in that wing anyway...but boy that was a hike for the nurses and i couldn't help but wonder if they did it so i wouldn't have to be next to rooms where babies were crying and mom's were crooning. they did the same thing in rochester. they kind of put you in a "quiet wing" where there are not a lot of healthy babies around you. it's a good thing...but for me it also amplifies the fact that, "hey, since your baby isn't here we're gonna seperate you from the mom's that do have their babies." and it just sticks out anyway. it didn't bother me for any other reason other than i dreaded pushing my nurses button for something because i knew they had to run an extra mile to get it. so there you sit. post delivery, needing to recover, and not much to do because there is no infant to take care of. i'm not saying that to evoke pity...it's just...what it is. huh. i opted, we opted, not to call too many people because in my mind all i could think was, "people are going to get here and not know what to say. do you say, congrats? or i'm sorry? and then when you're done trying to figure out what to say, you'll have to sit there and figure out how long you should stay. there's no baby to oogle over and a story can only last so long." no, i just don't want to put anyone through that uncomfortable "feeling like i want to visit but not knowing what to do" situation. it gave me a few days to work through some thoughts and emotions...and it took a couple for both to come. on the night i finally broke down, i was in the bathroom and my nurse came in and i heard michael say, "i finally got some emotion out of her." this was my dreaded fear this pregnancy. i did not want to do any hospital time. i did not want to face more dr.'s and more decisions and i did not want to be without my baby again. and when those dreaded fears came to pass, i think i just kind of shut down and tried to deal with it the best way possible. i realized it wasn't the severity of wren, but all my mind knows is wren so automatically all the events playing before me were flashbacks of what was to come. you can KNOW one thing and believe something else entirely. it's in this moment of knowing and believing that you make that choice to trust. and that was a hard choice for me to come around to. with wren it came so automatically, i think in part because of our ignorance. with halle, i've already been down this road and now i have to lay aside my past experience and chose to trust. my saying with wren was always, "past experience doesn't govern present circumstance." and i need to put those words into practice. so, if i could request one prayer right now aside from halle's health, it would be, selfishly, for me. i'm still struggling a bit and not really having a handle on the situation yet. and i either need to get a hold of myself, or let it go...and i'm still not sure which one i'm clinging to.
when we got up here yesterday, i was just flat out mad. mad that we had to do this again, mad that i didn't know the hospital or the staff, mad that she was here and not at home, pretty much i was mad at anything that crossed my path. mikee, God bless his heart, took the brunt of it and by the end of the night he had to straighten me out. he said, "you know honey, i don't think i've ever...actually i know i've never had to say this to you, but you gotta snap out of it! you are bring the world down with you right now and it's not fair to them or to you. you can go on living your own 'i want to be special' world, but me and halle? we're gonna take this normalness and go with it." (okay, there was a lot more behind that conversation that would take way too long to explain....but in a nut shell, he was right.) so, i got in the car, said a few uncharacteristic words to him, to the car, and to the window, took a deep breath and thought, 'he's right. i really need to turn around and focus on all the things i have to be thankful for...like the fact that i DID make it to 34 1/2 weeks! and the fact that she IS doing phenominal. she's extubated...but on c-pap. that was about 100 times faster than wren. she isn't needing any meds. she's comfortable and tolerating feeds. and we're gonna be out of here in not time. she's alive, and i'm alive. and despite this hurdle...it was the best time to deliver and thank you Lord for giving the dr.'s wisdome in that situation and possibly sparing both of us.' so...that's kind of where i'm at right now. and hidden in that was a quick update on Hal. i don't want to use wren's site for halle, but i really don't think i'll need to start a site for her either. so, just bare with me for a little while here. thank you for your prayers...and for upholding us once again. it's hard to ask once, it's humbling to ask twice. but i ask that you would cover her in prayer. i KNOW that i know that i know that the power of prayer works. wren is a testimony to that. and prayer in the multitudes blesses everyone involved. so, thank you. i'll keep you posted as i can.....God bless you all.

erin

Thursday, February 23, 2006 11:09 AM CST

so, this is going to be a very quick update since we are on our way out the door to Fairview! We would like to take a moment to welcome Halle (pronounced like halle berry) Elizabeth Eccles born monday night at 7:08 p.m. she was 6 lbs. 12.6 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. a pretty good size for a 34 week and 3 day baby! :-) what can i say, we grow 'em big. i'll give the details when i have a little more time, but in short she came out crying and doing fairly well. by the time they got her down to the nursery she was demonstrating that she was struggling just a bit. michael came into the recovery room around 8:00 and told me they wanted to intubate her and transfer her up to fairview as soon as possible. she was transferred around 12:30 a.m. on tuesday morning. i got to hold her twice before they whisked her away though. she is absolutely beautiful, and we are praying that her lungs develop quickly so we can get her back into our arms soon. i was just discharged this morning from ISJ and when i had called to check on her, they said she was starting to get a little more "feisty". i like to hear that! michael and i are hoping that they will extubate today, but right now, i still have not heard anything. she has hit a couple bumps in the road over the past couple days...but in comparison to wren it is "nothing" as i so affectionately put it. just to ease everyone's minds about her early arrival, it was an absolute God thing. when the dr. had cut me open he looked at my uterus and said it was a good thing i delivered when i did because my uterus was stretched so thin i would have run into problems very quickly had i carried her much longer. so even on bed rest God can still make things work. :-) i'll keep you updated as much as possible, but it will probably be few are far between for just a short time here. Thank you for your prayers and thank you to everyone (especially cheri and amanda) this week for helping out with all of our "all of a sudden" needs. God bless!

Monday, February 20, 2006 3:04 AM CST

wren was so proud of his sticker bracelet. bracelet. bracelet. okay, is that the right spelling? you'd think, being a girl, i could at least spell the simplest of accessories. although, "accessories" doesn't really look right either. huh. anyway, things continue to cruise...or rather tug boat, along here. :-) i just wanted to post some new pictures and let you know that if you have not yet, you should check jill's website. it's a pretty amazing entry! God bless.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006 6:36 PM CST

As I walked into the Dr.'s office today, I had a woman who was sitting a few chairs away from me look up at me and say, "Boy! You look like your ready to go any day now!" My reply was, "You'd think so, wouldn't you?" She asked how much longer I had left and I said, "Well, technically I guess 6 weeks. But the Dr. won't let me go more than 4, and realistically it will probably only be 2...3 at the most." She kind of looked at me and chuckled at my pregnancy math. I had a chance to tell her a little about Wren and give a short testimony before she was called back. As Jill so often puts it, it's amazing the opportunities God presents to you during the day if you choose to take them.
My appt. went well. I love the smile I get from my Dr. each week that I show up still pregnant. And he tells me each time before he leaves how nice it is to see me in his office still pregnant...and not at the hospital! What he told me today was this. "I'd like to see you go at least 2 1/2 more weeks. Realistically, you could go at any time now, and if you did we probably wouldn't be extremely aggressive at stopping the labor, aside from the Nifedipine. You could deliver here now. If baby comes before 36 weeks there is always the possibility that she'd have to do some nursery time...and I don't want you to have to do that. You've put in enough nursery time for everyone." (smile). I said, "okay. I think i can do 2 more weeks." Not that our faith is small, but I don't think anyone around me thinks I'll go much further than 36. First of all because I'm not so sure I have that much growing room left! and secondly, my body is already telling me it's ready to be done. My cervix is still holding in there pretty well. He said if I have bouts of contractions that come every 5 to 10 minutes that he would probably pull the stitch out to avoid tearing. The orginal plan is that he'll just take it out when he does the c-section. we'll see what happens! I can't say thank you enough to everyone! People helping bring emma to and from school, bringing (and sending!) me things to do, borrowing me lap tops so i can check email and update wren's site...and just for a change of pace! bringing me books and projects and the like...and my mom who is making sure i can eat without actually having to get up! You all are amazing. God is SO GOOD! have a great day! :-)

Wednesday, February 8, 2006 7:43 AM CST

well, i have but a minute to update before i get my hands slapped for being out of "bed". baby is still in there. :-) i am so thankful to be able to say, yes, i am STILL pregnant. i had my dr.'s appt. and ultrasound yesterday. when i got to the dr., he walked in with a crinkled brow, sat down and said, "have you been staying off your feet?" i said, "absolutely". then he said, "well....how have your contractions been?" i said, "well, i have had a few nights in a row where they'll come about every 10-15 minutes and subside after about 2 hours....and other than saturday's hospital trip they have been spuradically painful and spuradically not painful. nothing real consistent." he kind of hmmmmm'd. i said, "why? what is my length at?" he said, "well, you were 30 last week and you are 24 this week." so, in a nute shell i guess i've got some very determined children on my hands! or else my body is very determined to be done. haha. but it's not time yet. i just keep telling both that. :-)
i did end up going to the hospital on saturday night. it was a bizarre thing. my contractions were coming every 6 minutes and after 2 hours and them not subsiding i called in to see if i should come and get checked or not. they advised yes, of course. so i went in and got hooked up, and wouldn't you know not a single thing happened! i was even laughing as i told the nurse i knew nothing was going to show up or happen. but if i would have stayed home, i know they would have kept right up. isn't that the way it always is? in any sense, they ran another fetal fibroid nectin test and it came back negative. so in the hope of all hopes, that SHOULD indicate that i'll be pregnant at least another 2 weeks. 3 is my goal. we'll be seeing what happens! :-)
i have been so very blessed to have my mom here. i absolutely love my mother to pieces and to have her here all the time with me right now is one of the biggest comforts. i get tired watching her though. if your conditioned to running after 2 kids it's still tiring! she hasn't had to chase little ones like this for this long of a duration for quite some time PLUS taking care of a bed ridden mom and her husband.....she takes my breath away. there are no words to thank her and no actions to show her how much she is appreciated around here. i have also had so many friends step forth and help out in the so many little (and big!) ways. once again, finding ourselves in the midst of a trial (not quite the magnitude of wren's) we also have found ourselves in the midst of great blessings. we serve a pretty awesome God to put it lightly, and His presence is ever known is such times as these. i relish it in all the same breath of the anticipation of it changing to the next phase. thank you so much for your continued prayers and support. they mean the world to me. God bless....

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 3:45 PM CST

so, apparantly, all of the wood work in our house must be veneer. i've told those around me as soon as i start to open my mouth about having babies and all going well to just shut me up and quick. i got a call from the dr. today telling me that i need to get off my feet and do the wonderful bed rest thing. they monitor me weekly, whether it's by ultrasound or appt. and yesterday was one of my ultrasound days. i've been feeling wonderful, really. i didn't expect anything. so, the call this morning came as a bit of a shock. my cervix dropped another 8cm since last week putting me below the questionable 30 cm mark. he said there is the option to come in and do a steroid shot just in case i would deliver in the next 2 weeks...but he suggested doing a good bed rest and hoping that if i do go into labor they would be able to stop it, or postpone it for 24 hours so that the steroids could take effect. we are opting for the latter option. i really just need/want to make it through the next 2 weeks and i'll breathe a lot easier. it's not at a "critical" point right now...but with the funneling and the shortening (and my history) combined, caution is always the best road to walk. so...we are walking it. my apologies if i had any plans lined up with any of you over the next month, and if you try to call and i don't answer...it's either because my phone is out of reach or i'm OOC. I'll update as best as possible...but for now, that's the latest!

Sunday, January 29, 2006 9:15 PM CST

I really have been meaning to update this for quite some time now...both with info and with new pictures. As it is, my digital camera is MIA (seems to happen about every other week) and my time to sit and type is...well, non exsistent. In any case, we had another wonderful week. On Tuesday PHS came down and picked up the pulse ox machine (the only machine we were renting from them) leaving us machine renting free! Wednesday came and we had Wren's laser laryngoscopy up in the cities. After about 15 minutes in the waiting room, Dr. Sidman came out and said, "Well, everything looks just wonderful. Wren has a small bump protruding into the upper airway that I COULD laser...but it's not obstructing his airway at all and my philosophy is 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'. So, unless you guys have any more ENT issues or questions in the future....you are done with me." Yes, that's right. We are DONE with the surgery/Dr./travel time points in our life with Wren. We just looked at him and thought..."Could you please say those words just one more time? Let me pinch myself this time." Wren did well through the surgery, but had a hard time coming out of the general this time. The hardest I've ever seen him experience. So, although the surgery was quick, we spent about an hour and a half in the short stay recovery just to make sure he was getting his barings all right. He didn't really understand Michael and I as we were whooping and hollering leaving and shouting, "Wren, you never have to come back here again!" okay, okay, we weren't really shouting...or whooping or hollering. But we did tell him, "You know Wren, this might very well be the last time you see the inside of these walls." He still has his G-tube mind you. And we're not exactly sure what happens when the time comes to pull that. We can tell you from experience that you can pull it and the hole closes very quickly. SO! not sure if a surgery is required in that one or not. But, we'll just cross that road when we come to it. :-) We brought the kids up to Sesame Street live this weekend thanks to a very very wonderful and kind and generous friend/friends. The kids loved every moment of it. Well, almost. Wren was a little freaked at the initial coming out of big furry creatures which, until now, have only been affiliated with pictures on his diapers, books and occasionally seen on TV. But by 1/2 through the show he was just as ready to dance as his sister was. A fun and wonderful family time.
I continue to get huge. It's a blessing to be able to say that...as much as I'm ready to say, "okay, I'm done." We have about 6 or 7 weeks left. somewhere in that area. (if i went as early as i did with emma, we'd only have 5 1/2 left.) Things are wonderfully uncomfortable, I'm only capable of sleeping no more than 2 hours at a time, and I feel like I'm toting a set of bocci balls (sp?) hidden on the insides of my hip bones...and of course across my bladder....but in all reality it has been a wonderful pregnancy and I still cannot complain. Thank you for your continued prayers with this. I'll try and update more often....especially pictures....but seriously, there is just not a lot to update on. And I'm okay with that. :-) God bless....

Thursday, January 19, 2006 1:31 PM CST

today i had the wonderful pleasure of erasing allina from our lives. allina is our home oxygen supply company. :-) along with that, i can now remove all the "warning, oxygen in use" signs that have to be posted in the house for the emergency workers in case of a fire. we haven't had to use wren's O2 since....boy, it's been probably since september? a while, regardless. he has been through a few colds in the mean time to prove to me that if he actually DID need oxygen, most likely he would need to be in the hospital anyway. so, i called his pediatrician last week and she wrote the order to have his equipment removed. :-) then, today i received a call from PHS. (pediatric home service) This is the company that supplies all of his medical equipment. all of which we only have the pulse oximeter left. they said they were needing to come next week to do a maintenance check on the machine. i said, "well, we haven't used it in a couple months. what do i need to do to have you just pick it up?" another dr.'s order. so, i called the pediatrician again today to have another order written up to pick up more medical equipment. :-) (notice how many smiling faces i've incorporated today.) so, as of next week, we should be done with both supply companies and he should be having his final laser laryngoscopy come wednesday. this is where we say, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 2 years ago this month we were trying to figure out how to transport the little guy home without losing his life. now, look how far he's come, baby! it's a good celebrating month. that's all for now. God bless.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006 11:02 AM CST

not a whole lot to report on our end. we are all feeling a little stir crazy, but enjoying the sun while it is here. i don't like to write about nothing, but i don't mean to fall off the planet at the same time. pretty much we are all just looking forward to spring....for many many reasons. emma is loving school, wren's therapy continues to go well, and the pregnancy is cruzin' right along. at least when i look back i think it has gone fast. looking forward it's going a bit more slowly. but, enjoying all the moments of it none the less. minus the paranoid ones. God bless. just thought i'd give you something different to read for a day!

Tuesday, January 3, 2006 9:55 AM CST

So, I've been wondering for a while how I am going to be able to feed an infant, feed wren (he still doesn't feed himself), feed a picky 5 year old, and then feed my husband and I. That, to me, sounded like a full time job within itself. :-) Wren over the past month has started to take an interest in how to "plug himself in" (pictured above). He'll grab a hold of his onesie, pull it up, unplug his mic key button, and get pretty close to lining up the two lines to attatch the extension. He then proceeds to take the syringe, unplug the larger port, push the syringe into the port hole, shake his pediasure, and pretend to pour it into the syringe. He would actually do it if I'd let him try it without the cap on. Haha. So, now I'm thinking I just need to train him to give himself tube feeds and I have half of my problems solved. It occured to me the other day, we enjoy eating so much most likely because we've been doing it all our lives. I believe Wren actually likes his tube feeds. In a bizarre way, I think it feels good and normal to him. He eats the purees fine still, but gets about half way through and starts pointing to his pediasure bottle and getting excited to get that. Go figure. I guess I can't hold it against him, because in his world THAT is completely normal!
We went up and had lunch with my family yesterday and the kids enjoyed a fun filled afternoon with Papa, Grandma, Ancle Peter, aunt Becky, and cuz' Dominyc at Camp Snoopy. Otherwise, it seems the holidays have begun to taper down. Ahhhhh....always a wonderful time of year, and always nice to come back to a normal level of activity and schedule.

Friday, December 30, 2005 7:52 AM CST

Well, we made it safely through the Christmas weekend, and are now dealing with the aftermath of toys! If any of you has the gift of organization...please send ideas! :-) It was a wonderful time spent with Michael's family, and now we're looking forward to doing the Hainlen Christmas mid-January.
Wren still has a cold. It has been hanging on for a couple weeks...but I gotta tell ya, it is still amazing to be mostly concerned with the amount of kleenex we are going through instead of which route to take to the hospital...via 911 or our own truck. He and Emma got a wealth of Spanish books from a wonderful wonderful family, so our latest feat is to try to learn Spanish together. I was a German girl myself, so as I've been attempting the accents and the whatevers of Spanish, Michael's comment to me has been..."You are so white!" and I am. :-) BUT! I am trying, none the less. Did I mention he was not crazy about Santa?
Emma is trying to come down from the "gimmes" and the "I want that!"s. I told her she's not allowed to want anything once Christmas day has passed. She has to wait an entire year before she can want something again. She didn't buy it. Oh well. It was worth a shot. :-) Her favorite gift was a scooter. To which our kitchen has now become the rink, our toes the jumps, and our shins the brakes. Makes dinner making a whole new challenge!
I had an appt. this week for baby. He ran what they call a fetal fibroid nectin test (I'm not sure if that's the right spelling...but close I think.) It measures something of a "glue" that is present in pregnancy up until about 22 weeks, then it disappears until a few weeks before delivery. If it is present between weeks like 22 to 34, it is somewhat of a good indication that the mom will probably be going into labor in the next couple weeks. If that were the case right now, then he would have put me on bed rest and given me a steroid shot for the baby's lungs. My test came back negative. :-) Praise God. So, for the next couple weeks anyway, I'm pretty in the clear. Not that any test is 100ccurate...but it is a good indication none the less. We're looking at about 10-11 weeks left here. I know it will go fast....but the ending of pregnancies always seem to be that the days drag on and the weeks fly by. And the nights...well, you just start to crave a good night's sleep! :-) Have a great day.

Monday, December 26, 2005 9:58 PM CST

I feel that most of you, in connection with this site, also follow jill's site. In case you have not been following (via the links at the bottom), please be in prayer tomorrow (Tuesday) as she goes in for surgery. If I were you, I would just go and read her entry, as the Lord has touched her writing far more than any words I could put on here. What an amazing family and an astounding testimony the Lord has filled them with. God bless...

Sunday, December 25, 2005 6:55 AM CST

This was the look I received when I asked him what he was doing. guilty? :-) He took initiative to pull over the chair and climb up to help me finish my dishes. At one point his sister was pouring water over HIS head pretending he was a dirty dish. Fits of laughter followed by both.
I pray everyone is enjoying this Christmas weekend. Remembering all we have to be thankful for, and enjoying the fellowship of friends and family. How wonderful for God to have set apart seasons of thanksgiving from our everyday lives for us. God bless and have a Merry Christmas.

Saturday, December 17, 2005 5:36 AM CST

okay, honestly, for any future pregnant people...get yourself a site and put your picture on it, then let people oogle over it for a while! :-) it does something good to the pregnant heart. thanks guys for all sweet sweet words. and for those who are wondering where in the world i am going? :-) no where. emma and i were playing "dress up" and my little girl happens to LOVE to take pictures (thank you digital cameras), so in all honesty....we were just being girls and having fun! it makes my heart glad to think that someday i'll have another one to play dress up with.
wren is being a wonderful challenge right now. does anyone know about genetics and the lack of interest to sleep? he really just does not think he needs to rest his little body. it doesn't help that we are quite cooped up for a time, but between 40 minute naps and going to bed in a tizzy followed by waking up at hours of the morning prior to 6 am....he just really does not like sleeping! a bit of a bummer for two adults who do enjoy at least 8 hours a night....but if that's the worse of my complaints then i'm on a good roll. :-) he is staying healthy as is emma for the most part. boy, i had forgotten what a winter was like without the threat of illness consuming me. i still am a bit of a pranoid person concerning germs....but not near what i have been for the past 2 years.
emma had her first Christmas program yesterday. i can't say pregnancy helps with the tears....or witholding them. she was beautiful and sweet and innocent and sang with all her preschool heart. we've been at a bit of an ends with each other this week, so i needed that reminder that she is still my sweet 5 year old who is not quite ready to leave the house. she's enjoying every chance she gets to make decisions...and even opts for those times when it's not her choice to try and make a decision. a hard growing up part for mom. i tend to think that maybe i can fully be her mother and help her with EVERYTHING maybe for the rest of her life. i know that is not the way God would have it be...so i'm learning. a bit humbled in the process.
mikee has done an exceptional job of picking up where i have left off for the time. he is an amazing husband, and a girl should be so lucky to be married to him. he puts in a full day at work and then comes home and "puts his apron on" as he puts it....working at getting supper ready, corraling the kids, and cleaning the destroyed house. right after he has shoveled the driveway and fixed whatever broken thing has happened that day. haha! "taking it easy" on the couch is not very condusive to keeping the house tidy. although, i'm still convinced that that is an uphill battle in perfect normalness! :-)
we're looking forward to the hoiday season. keeping it light and staying around here for december. keep warm everyone...we do truly have a white Christmas this year!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 11:13 AM CST

it's a.... i don't know if i want to tell today either. we have another ultrasound next week. maybe i'll get another good picture and make you keep guessing. i am a woman of my word, i will tell. i promise. aside from the red eye....here is wren in the Christmas shirt his grandma bought him. cute, eh?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 4:02 AM CST

i debated about giving you the answer. don't you want it to be a fun surprise at the end? all the guesses that have been coming my way are good. they have been either boy or girl...which means no one thinks i'm having an alien, albeit what the pictures show. :-) this is kind of fun. i don't think i've had this much control in making people squirm in their seats in a long time. not that it's that much to squirm over...but i'm a curious cat myself, and i have a hard time when people don't tell me things i want to know. in any sense, i'll tell you...just not today. :-)

Sunday, December 11, 2005 7:54 PM CST

okay, okay, okay. :-) but don't think i'm gonna give you the answer so readily. those of you who already know...shhhhh! those of you who have found out in your own ultrasounds will probably be able to guess right away....but guess you all will have to! my apologies, baby, i have to expose parts that are better left under wraps....but please, don't consider me indecent. i just want to see how good you all are at guessing. i know these pictures are blurry...once again, the scanner is currently down for the season, so i actually had to take a picture of the picture. and being i'm not a photography major...ummm, i'm just not real good at it. so! let your eyes go hazy and guess away!
this picture is of baby resting on the left side if you are looking at it. you can see the lips and nose and the arm is resting over the eyes and brow as if to say, "oh, please, no pictures. just leave me alone!" :-) pretty cute. the gender pic is on the photos page. good luck!

Friday, December 9, 2005 3:45 PM CST

well, we had another ultrasound today, and i was going to post the new pictures of the baby, but the scanner is currently not hooked up to the computer for the Christmas season. :-) everything went well. i don't actually have an appt. until next week, and the ultrasound techs can't say much of anything about the exam...but, i did find out baby is measuring 24 weeks 2 days. right on according to my calendar. so, no more guessing! :-) i'm just growing big to give it lots of room! haha. we also did find out the gender with this one. that was fun...but it's hard to inevitable trust what they show. you kind of go..."okay, well...hopefully we won't be surprised! another haha! i'll get some new pics on hopefully soon. God bless....

Sunday, December 4, 2005 6:57 AM CST

Not lastnight, but the night before...
On Friday night, for the first time since he was born, Wren slept without his pulse ox probe on. No monitor. Now there's a mommy first!
This picture is from Christmas last year.

Thursday, December 1, 2005 8:50 AM CST

well, we've had more of a bout with, what i would call, hilarity here than not. at least in my mind. my prayer this month for this pregnancy was that i would be able to just "forget" how far along i am and be able to enjoy these mid-20's weeks. (not getting caught in the "oh, i'm so and so far away from when wren would have come.") although, if some of you have talked to me lately, those seem to be the exact words that have come out of my mouth! It's funny to try and imagine and duplicate this pregnancy to one prior when all i ever said with wren when pushed on the issue of him being born so early was, "past experiences never govern present circumstance in God's book." SO! with that being said....i have not forgotten how far along i am. in fact, if you go by my calendar, today i would be 22 weeks and 6 days along. now, for the funny part. all the legistics of calculating a pregnancy for those of you who don't calculate pregnancies every day. they can go by your LMP (last menstrual period), or ultrasound. they may have more methods...but for now, these are the two that really apply to me. now due dates that have been calculated for me. my LMP (which would put me at 25 1/2 weeks today), my first ultrasound (which would put me at 22 wks 6 days today), my second ultrasound (which would put me at 23 weeks 3 days today), at my 19 week check up i was measuring 22 weeks for my fundal height (which would put me at 26 weeks today), and then finally i just had my "22 week" check, and my fundal height was measuring 26 weeks (which would put me at 27 weeks today). :-) smile. you've just been completely derailed on how old this baby actually is! so, although i have not had any bouts with amnesia...i've become gestationally stupid at when i actually got pregnant. like i said before...this one was a tid bit of a surprise. :-) i can tell you i'm big. i've now reverted to the heeve-ho tossing and turning at night. you know the one when you have to flip from your left side to your right side (the only two available sleeping positions for any pregnant woman) or your right side to your left side. the one that requires getting up on all fours (it's easier to shift a belly under you than over you), move all 3, 4, or 5 pillows to the other side, flop back down and reposition them between your legs, behind your back, under your arm, and then of course your head. fall asleep for an hour, wake up and repeat the whole process again. michael made the comment this morning that for some reason between the hours of 3 and 6 he wakes up quite frequently. i eyeballed him and asked if it could possibly be the earth shaking under his feet. (or else the billowing of covers with the flopping whale beside him!) ha ha. so, that's the saga of the week.
the past 2 weeks we've battled the horrible yet persistent pink eye, the stomach flu, and now a bit of a sinus cold thing. i say "we" referring to pretty much the entire household. along with my contractions the previous week, it was suggested to me to try and stay off my feet as much as possible and to not do anything i don't have to. fun as it may sound, it's not real condusive to the holiday season, Christmas shopping, cleaning the house, cooking meals, or even being somewhat of a normal functioning person. but i'm not complaining! i've told myself in another 4 months (or so???) life will resume to it's normal pace, and i'll never have this excuse again to "take it easy". so, i'm trying to enjoy it rather than loath it. hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving! and i'll try and get some new and updated photos on soon of the kids. God bless!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005 11:12 AM CST

he looks so much like his daddy in this picture! and check out, finally, the place where his trach used to sit. hardly a trace anymore! it's quite entertaining to see him as a little boy now and not so much a toddler anymore. (although, both my kids know that they will always be my babies....we've gone over this many many times!) emma turned 5 on monday. it's very strange how fast 5 years can go...yet, a 9 month pregnancy can seem like forever some days. figure that one out! things continue to go pretty well. i was having some contractions this weekend so i called the doc on monday to find out if it is anything i should be concerned about. he sent me over to have an ultrasound done to measure my cervix. it turns out i am starting to "funnel" a little. i was at a 40 and now have gone down to 37. it's not too concerning because they tend to be happy with anything over 30...but it just means that they will be doing more ultrasounds to keep track of the changes and make sure it doesn't thin too much. i believe anything under 30 would require a...ummm....lifestyle change for a bit. but he was very re-assuring and reminded me that that's why we did the cerclage. kind of puts your mind at ease when you've felt you've made the right decision. :-) so, in any sense, i've decided to back down for a bit on even more activities and take it easy for the next couple months. a week from tomorrow would have been when wren showed up. getting nearer to "the day" tends to plague my mind a bit...and makes me even more aware of any "wierd" thing or feeling. but i have full confidence on the flip side that we will make this just fine. :-) here's my gush line...thanks to the help from so many friends, neighbors and family. God bless...and have a GREAT THANKSGIVING!!!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005 6:49 PM CST

I suppose I can update once in a while here! Anyone tired of reading the same old same old? :-) I'll even attempt to be correct on my punctuation and capitalization....just for something different. It's amazing how easy it is to fall into just writing and never capitalizing. But I'm sure grammar and English are not what you are wanting to read about! I have Wren hanging over the monitor right now talking at the screen....kind of cute and funny. I'd explain how that's possible, except then I'd have to give you a house layout....and I'm sure that's not what you want to read about either! SO!
Most things continue to go very normally. But we did have a funny (not really ha ha at the time) thing happen this weekend. Wren woke up about 6 on Saturday morning (yes, this is his normal time) and Michael brought him into bed to cuddle for a bit (no, he doesn't actually sit still long enough to cuddle. It's more of a 'use mom and dad as a punching bag' hour.). Michael, thankfully, noticed that his Mic Key button (G-tube) had come out. I know not many of you are familiar with the blue print of a low-profile g-tube, so I'll give you a quick look. The top looks like a button i guess with a little flap thingy that you pop open when you are connecting the tube to give the feed. Off of the button is a little plastic (I guess it's plastic...or rubber?) tube about 2 1/2 or 3 inches long. then on the outside of the tube is a balloon that you inflate to keep it in. I'd draw you a picture...oh wait. Maybe i'll try. Anyway, the G-tube itself is supposed to be changed every 3 months or so. But! somehow, my son has mannaged to bust one a month for the past 4 or so months. don't ask me how. somehow he gets the balloon to burst on the inside (don't worry, it's only filled with water...and no shreds of the balloon are left inside of him) and then it falls out. If you don't catch it in timely manner, the hole where it goes in his stomach, of course, will start to close. Because it is something that is not a "change it all the time" thing, insurance only covers one a month. So, Michael and I, being the braniacs we are, decided to just put the old one back in and inflate the balloon without checking it first. Yeah, real smart, you're thinking. We put it back in and didn't give it a second thought...until 9:30 that morning (3 1/2 hours later) when I went to hook up his feed and realized the button was no where to be found. ha ha. NOT. I quickly went and grabbed the back up and plunked him on the floor ready to do surgery myself vs. bringing him in to get him, what they call, re-dialated. We had to do that once before when he was a baby....ummm, not fun. And I won't explain that process to you. We tried and tried to no avail, so I called his pediatrician and explained what was going on. She said, "Okay, let me make some phone calls and see what I can find out for you." Well, as it turns out, things haven't changed much in the year since this last happened. ISJ doesn't carry the re-dialating tools...at least not for pediatrics. Plus, because of Wren's history, they are a little skittish about messing with him period. Last time it was because he was still on a vent and trached and yada yada....this time it was because of his history and because of his LTR (trach reconstruction) surgery this summer. What it came down to was this. Take a trip up to the cities and their ER would most likely be able to get it back in. If not, they have the OR right there if they needed to put him back into surgery to get it in. Our hesitancy in that was #1) the drive up there would take a little longer, giving the hole more of a chance to close...and increasing the risk that he WOULD have to go into surgery. #2) because of the upper airway reconstruction, the only person we would want intubating him for surgery would be Dr. Sidman, and we were thinking that he probably wasn't on that weekend. Plus, it just wasn't in our plans for that Saturday. :-) Our second option at Mankato was to go, knowing they didn't have any dialating tools...but could try using a foley (sp?) cath to dialate...or at least get something in there so we wouldn't have it completely closed off. Mankato wasn't willing to do anything beyond a chlorohydrate for sedation (which, I won't let ISJ sedate him anyway....ummmm, no offense if any of you work there or know people who do. It's just a personal preference with Wren.) And they weren't sure that them trying was going to work anyway. So, we'd be running the risk of spending even MORE time down here with the risk of it not working and then having to drive up to the cities...which would almost inevitably end up in surgery because of the time lapse. Good options, huh? So, I got off the phone and told Mikee our options....he looked at me and said, "I don't care...you make the call." I'm a risk taker, so I said, "Okay, fine...I think I'll try ISJ and if not, well, we're probably going to end up in surgery anyway by the time we get to Abbott." So, I brought him over to the ER here and we got him back to the procedure room. :-) I didn't even know they had one there in the ER. ha ha. The things you learn. Oh, quick tidbit of info. His Mic Key button is a 14 french which really means nothing to most of you....but just so you know the NUMBER part. That will make chronilogical sense anyway. The sweet nurse that we had has had Wren before and I had a good time talking with her for a bit. Nutshell. They ended up bringing back an 8, 10 and 12 fr. foley to try to insert. We went for the 10, and the ER doc managed to phenagle (sp?) it in. He was relieved and happy and all the above. As was I. He then looked at me and said, "Well, you'll probably want the nurse to help you secure that so he doesn't pull it out." I stood there for a minute thinking, "But you're not done yet!" and then I said, "But then what?" He said, "Well, that's all the further I'll go. We won't do anything more here." I said, "So....You're not going to try and get the button back in?" He said, "Nope. That's all I'll do here." I said, "Okay, then, can I take the 12 fr. cath home with me to finish the dialation to get the button in?" He said, and very seriously I might add, "Well that's a bit ambitious...don't you think?" I smiled and replied, "My son has made me an ambitious person." He said, "You'll want to bring him to his GI doc and have him finish it...wherever you usually go." and then he kind of said something else, which I don't remember, and then left. When the nurse came back in I asked again, "Can I take the 12 foley home with me to finish the dialation? I asked the Dr. but didn't really understand or hear his reply." I told her I promised I wouldn't hold anyone there liable if I ended up perffing his fistula. (please, just pretend to understand if you don't....mikee would roll his eyes at me right now talking about fistulas and caths and foleys and what not....most people get the general idea....i think.) ANYWAY, she said, "Just a sec." left, came back, and then gave me the 12. :-) I got him home and mikee and I performed the Eccle's surgery. We actually got the 12 in pretty easily, and went to insert the 14 Mic key, and it didn't want to go. I handed it over to Mikee, who is very good at detailed things, and he popped it in. I love my husband. So, we both looked at eachother and decided that next time this happens, we're going to skip ISJ and just order up our own set of foleys and bill each other. :-) Again, no offense if you work at ISJ. But at that moment all I could think was, "Well, I'm sure glad it wasn't a life or death matter we were facing!" The Dr. was so adamant at not wanting to try anything further. Even with MY (ha ha) knowledge of my son and having seen it done before. Oh yeah, and we never did sedate him. I told the Dr. right off the bat that I didn't want any sedation what-so-ever. He said, "Will he (wren) be okay with that?" I said, "Well, we did it with metal tools last time and no sedation...I think he'll be fine." And he was. My big strong, wonderful boy.
So, there's my latest story. :-) Baby number 3 continues to do very well. getting more active and having more fun as time goes on. We're both looking forward to Thanksgiving. My husband is giving me grief about the novel I just wrote...so, I'm off for the night. God bless!

Monday, October 31, 2005 1:17 PM CST

i took the kids to the park last weekend, and actually remembered to take my camera with me! of course, after about 10 pictures my batteries went dead. but hey! i got a couple. things are wonderful around here. both kids are sick with colds...but both are doing great with them aside from the midnight coughs and runny noses. his therapy continues to move right along. the eating is about the same, but he tolerates most any texture in his mouth. it just needs to be accessible to get out again due to the lack of knowledge on how to chew. but working on it. this kiddo is amazing. i was looking at videos lastnight of him a year ago or more, and just had to laugh and cry and be amazed. :-) like all parents, eh? they do grow...and so fast. now, i sound old. emma hit the stage where she notices obvious things. and has no hesitation about saying them out loud. we were at a restaurant today and very close by was an elderly couple dining. she looked at me and said, "mom! that guy is really OLD!" and pointed right at him. we happened to be at taco bell and if any of you know how close they put their tables together, i'm not kidding when i say he was right next to me. then a split second later she pointed at someone behind me (i didn't turn around to look) and said, "mommy, that boy has a very VERY big freckly on his cheek." and proceeded to draw on her own cheek just how big the "freckle" was. i'm assuming it was either a birth mark or a mole...again, i didn't turn around. crawling under the table sounded more appealing. but, through stiffled laughs i tried to explain to her how God made each one of us different and also how our bodies were not made to be young forever, but that very much indeed she and i would also be "very old" someday. it's one of those moments i know i just won't forget. :-) that's about all. hope everyone is enjoying the fall weather! it is beautiful.

Thursday, October 20, 2005 4:24 PM CDT

i'm not trying to over-shadow wren or take his page away by any means and i won't do this very often, but this is little e number 3. he/she is measuring about 17 weeks in this picture. the baby was sitting breech during the entire ultrasound so it made it a little difficult to get any real "good" pics of him or her. (i'll just refer to it as a girl. makes it easier.) no, we don't know the sex of the baby yet. we wanted to find out, but because of the breechness and she also had her legs crossed underneath her....no access. :-) we saw her drinking the amniotic fluid and we'd get a little wave every once in a while. but for the most part, this little one is very peaceful and very quiet. i can handle that! the second photo down is angled from the top. so, that's the top of the head and the arms crossed in front of her. on the photo page there is one of her from the side and one of just her arm from her elbow to her hand. that's about all for this little one for now.

wren is doing great this week. busy busy busy. same old same old. his therapies are going well, and he continues to improve on his eating skills. he got approved for his synagis shot yesterday so next week we are looking at starting the winter of those. yuck, but a good thing. he has to have two shots each time this year because his weight is higher...and they are kind of painful shots. unfortunately. he's a tough boy though, and i know he'll survive. ;-) take care and God bless....ttfn.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 3:13 PM CDT

like his "tough boy" look? this was taken this summer at the pancake breakfast out at the airport. we are going through the "terrible twos" right now. i believe a few of you have passed us in a public place this past week with the vision of wren stretched out on the floor in refusal and me patiently standing by....waiting. he has figured out that in retaliation of being forced to do something that he REALLY does not want to do, he now can pull your hair, hit your face, or pinch whatever is within pinching distance. or else the famous "drop my body weight and throw my arms up" works. i neither have the energy (nor the ability) to drag a 24 lb (feels like 50 when they drop their weight-doesn't it?) boy who's in retaliation mode out to wherever the truck is so we can "have a talk". i come from a very long/strong bloodline of impatience, and he definitely tests my blood. :-) is it possible for blood to actually boil? just wondering. it is wonderful, age appropriate behavior for wren. unfortunately, someone failed to write a book for me specifically ABOUT wren and what to do with him! he is the sweetest, most loving, most persistent child i think i've ever met. i'm compassionate when i think about how much i actually do have to force him to do during the day (i.e. eating, therapy, running here and there) and how little time he actually has to run his own little ship...which brings me to the struggle of parenting with emotions vs. parenting with a level head. and i know i'm a perfect parent in a perfect world...but i gotta be honest when i say i'm expent! i am out of ideas! so, if anyone has any novel ideas (aside from spanking and time-outs) for discipline....PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write me! it needs fit somewhere in the lines of this: child who's comprehension runs just below his ability; who's ability to communicate BACK to us what he is and is not understanding runs just below that which we give him credit for ACTUALLY understanding. who's pain tolerence is warped due to a life filled with it, and who takes being left alone in his crib to "think about it" as abandonment...not discipline. i suppose this would be a good time to add my name to the long list of parents who are requesting prayer for the exact same thing! how nice it is to ask for prayer on something completely non-medical related! and HEY! thanks in advance. God bless!

Friday, October 7, 2005 3:57 PM CDT

today, i was reminded of what a delight it is to wander in the desert. delight in the sense of when else in your life can you witness such extravagant miracles of God then when you are faced with trusting in Him only? the israalites were brought out of egypt, God chose so many avenues that revealed His majesty instead of "just" saving them. and in the process, he brought them from somewhere where they were bound in slavery...to somewhere where they were given such freedom in so many different avenues of the word. they were led by a cloud during the day and fire by night. God so blatantly told them that this was they way for them to go...yet, they gave way to grumbling and complaining and wanting to turn around to go BACK to egypt. BACK to the life that was familiar to them. BACK to bondage and slavery because their faith was so small in what God was doing FOR them. He sent manna from heaven and gave them exactly what they needed. they even had quail. yet, and still, they grumbled and complained and basically said they would have preferred to die at the hands of pharoh then to wander as they were with God himself there to guide them. to see and to witness and to be a part of the magnificent journey that God was walking them through. i thought back to the road taken with wren. when in my life have i ever...or will i ever again witness the blatant miracles that God performed before my very eyes? wren had his laryngoscopy on wednesday, and as we've traveled to the different hospitals and clinics with him, it's amazing how many times we hear the exact words of "what a miracle he is!" knowing God or not knowing him personally, even hospital staff acknowledge the fact that a miracle (or two)has taken place in the life of wren. what a testimony....and what a journey led by God himself! He took our family from a place that was okay...a familiar lifestyle and a comfortable one....to one that called us to trust and to seek Him every day. and not just kind of....but because of the love he built in us for our children, out came a whole-hearted, earnest cry for His hand to be present in our lives and in the life of wren. this must seem a bit redundant because i know i've written more than once about how amazing God has been to us...but, it was my thought process today, and seeing as how i somewhat have control of this forum i decided to go with it. :-)
wren's laryngoscopy went wonderfully. they were done within 15 minutes. he came out and showed us pictures (which i'm bound and determined to figure out how to put on) of his trachea. it is open and clear and they had to laser nothing! he said to make one more appt. in 3 months and they'll take another look, if everything comes back clear from that one then....we are done. and there i'll stop because it is so nice to say. then, we are done.

Friday, October 7, 2005 3:57 PM CDT

today, i was reminded of what a delight it is to wander in the desert. delight in the sense of when else in your life can you witness such extravagant miracles of God then when you are faced with trusting in Him only? the israalites were brought out of egypt, God chose so many avenues that revealed His majesty instead of "just" saving them. and in the process, he brought them from somewhere where they were bound in slavery...to somewhere where they were given such freedom in so many different avenues of the word. they were led by a cloud during the day and fire by night. God so blatantly told them that this was they way for them to go...yet, they gave way to grumbling and complaining and wanting to turn around to go BACK to egypt. BACK to the life that was familiar to them. BACK to bondage and slavery because their faith was so small in what God was doing FOR them. He sent manna from heaven and gave them exactly what they needed. they even had quail. yet, and still, they grumbled and complained and basically said they would have preferred to die at the hands of pharoh then to wander as they were with God himself there to guide them. to see and to witness and to be a part of the magnificent journey that God was walking them through. i thought back to the road taken with wren. when in my life have i ever...or will i ever again witness the blatant miracles that God performed before my very eyes? wren had his laryngoscopy on wednesday, and as we've traveled to the different hospitals and clinics with him, it's amazing how many times we hear the exact words of "what a miracle he is!" knowing God or not knowing him personally, even hospital staff acknowledge the fact that a miracle (or two)has taken place in the life of wren. what a testimony....and what a journey led by God himself! He took our family from a place that was okay...a familiar lifestyle and a comfortable one....to one that called us to trust and to seek Him every day. and not just kind of....but because of the love he built in us for our children, out came a whole-hearted, earnest cry for His hand to be present in our lives and in the life of wren. this must seem a bit redundant because i know i've written more than once about how amazing God has been to us...but, it was my thought process today, and seeing as how i somewhat have control of this forum i decided to go with it. :-)
wren's laryngoscopy went wonderfully. they were done within 15 minutes. he came out and showed us pictures (which i'm bound and determined to figure out how to put on) of his trachea. it is open and clear and they had to laser nothing! he said to make one more appt. in 3 months and they'll take another look, if everything comes back clear from that one then....we are done. and there i'll stop because it is so nice to say. then, we are done.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 8:38 PM CDT

i really just put some old photos on to change it up a bit. new photos will come....someday. until then....remeber when? it seems so long ago...yet, just like yesterday. God bless.

Thursday, September 22, 2005 8:47 PM CDT

you will have to excuse my grammar and oh, what seems to be one big run-on sentence tonight. my brain kind of deflated in the whole punctuation/correct usage category.

well, all went well! thank you for your prayers. i almost didn't make the appt. itself. i had it marked on my calendar to show up at 7:30. about 6:40 i came downstairs and noticed my machine blinking and thought, "hmmm? funny. who'd call during the night?" it was a registration nurse saying, "erin? where are you? i hope you are on your way. we have you scheduled for 7:30. okay, call if you have questions." so i called them back and said, "i'm not supposed to be there until 7:30." she said, "no, no honey. you are going IN at 7:30. you need to be here now." oops. so i quick ran upstairs and told mikee that i was leaving without him on account that my mom was not supposed to be there for a bit longer and someone had to stay with the kids. i ran out the door and made it there in record time. they were all laughing at me by the time i showed up saying, "MAN! you weren't kidding you can get here fast!" and so i checked in they got me back and things just went bam bam bam. it was kind of nice not having to sit and twiddle my thumbs at all. mikee, of course, was hoping to make it up before they brought me back, but we missed each other by about 2 minutes. my poor husband...such an amazing man. once i was in the operating room the anesthetist came in and gave me my spinal almost immediately. i layed back in ummmmm, somewhat of a very vulnerable position and then they came in and cerclaged me up. (if that is even a word...cerclaged.) during it, i must say the staff were very very friendly. my nurse said, "hey, would you like some soft music?" i said, "sure!" we ran once through "how do i live without you" by leanne rhymes and then a whether report mixed with some news. by the time the second song came on they said, "okay, erin. we're done!" really? yup. it was very quick...and very painless. i went into the recovery room where i think we had our own private church service. ha ha. terry, mary and another man (dr.?) from our church were back there. i said, "hey! it's a covenant party and i'm invited!" so, even the recovery room was fun. once i got up to my room the feeling in my lower half started to half return. and then i started feeling some aweful pain in my sides and it felt as if i was in one big upheaval of a constant contraction. so they put me on the monitor for about 20 minutes. the pain kept getting worse and worse and they were about to call the doc when my nurse all of a sudden had an epiphany that hadn't occurred to any of us. she said, "hmmm, do you suppose you might have to use the restroom?" duh. (sorry about the less than glamorous details.) so, ummmm, they got it out and i drained and drained and drained and drained....until the bucket was full and i was still draining. the nurse said, "well honey, i don't want to send your system into shock so we'll leave some in there." plus, well they were just out of room. i could literally watch my abdomen deflate. and amazingly the pain went away too! i think they drained about 40 oz...which, as i stared at my big 26 oz ISJ mug sitting next to me, seemed nearly impossible that my bladder could even get to THAT size...out. okay, so that's the funny, gruesome, maybe not so needed details of the story. the rest of the stay went great. they were slow up on the OB floor so it really honestly did feel like a vacation. my food was brought to me...they really no less than came in and fluffed my pillows for me. bringing me snacks and chatting a bit. refilling my water mug. and we even got to play around with the doppler quite a bit. apparantly this little one is quite the mover and shaker. which, i think most babies are at this time. everytime they'd find 'her' she'd swim away. they'd find her again, and she'd swim away again just as they were about done timing her heartrate. gave us some laughs. i got a hat knitted, a book read, some sleep in and some brainless t.v. time too. all in a day and a half! it's amazing what you can accomplish flat on your back. mikee came up and visited with the kids and wren managed to dump an entire box of wheat thins on the floor, figure out how to open both the bathroom door and the door to go outside the room, climb up and behind the couch, and i think he even figured out how to run the fetal monitor in the corner cabinet. oh, and he figured out almost immediately that my iv pole made somewhat of a good scooter. but not while i was still attatched. i had some sharp words with him as he took off with my hand in tow. what a nut case! i just laughed and watched because i was exempt from the responsibility of having to chase him or control him for that period of time. i would just look at michael and he'd kick into action. after about, oh, 1/2 hour michael said, "okay, we're outta here. the kid can only destroy so much in a room." so, once again, left to some much cherished peace and quiet. i even suggested to one of the nurses the possibility of me staying for a week. she laughed and said, "i don't mind if you do. i can't say the insurance company would like it." so we played pretend for a few minutes trying to think up "reasons" for me to stay. dehydration? not mentally stable? ha ha. (obviously the dehydration was NOT an issue...and unfortunately, i come across as being somewhat sane.) so, i left this morning...but not before noon. it played out nicely that my hubby could only pick me up on his lunch hour. so i still had the whole morning to relish the peacefullness. boy do i sound like a ham right now, eh? really though, it all went so well. and i have not had any pain or complications post. so! we'll just keep you posted as we go along...but mostly, i'll try to keep this site about wren. God bless. have a great night.
erin

Tuesday, September 20, 2005 11:42 AM CDT

ahhh, i hope this beautiful day finds you all well. we are doing really good on our end here. michael just got back from a week's excursion in reno, nevada. he and his dad and brother-in-law go every year to witness the infamous air races. aka, they sit in the desert and watch planes fly by for 4 days. it's an all boy thing from what i hear. :-) the girls (and wren) all enjoyed girly things. emma and wren actually spent the day with miss cheri and went to a dog show and birthday party and had a blast of a day from what i hear! the girls (that's me) went up to the liv aveda spa and salon and spent a few hours just being pampered. very nice. then we went out for supper and just relaxed. a nice little respite in the midst of a chaotic week.
so, most of you know either by word of mouth, or by grapevine...but for the rest of you who don't know, mikee and i are unexpectedly exptecting little e number 3. it shocked the bejeebees out of both of us...but it is a nice suprise (especially now that i am no longer sick!). we found out when wren was up in the hospital getting his trach out so the timing couldn't have been more perfect. (aside from the fact that i was emotionally furious at anyone who wasn't letting me sleep...ha ha.) things have been going very well and all is running smoothly so far. i go in tomorrow morning to have my cervix stitched shut and will spend the night in the hospital. i told my dr. that i was looking forward to the vacation. you can tell you are the mom of multiples (not multiples...but multiple children) when you look forward to a hospital stay as a vacation. double ha ha. they will monitor me very very closely and the goal is to reach 38 weeks. they will do a c-section mid march because of the way wren came out. so...that's our big news. :-) the procedure tomorrow is fairly simple. there is a slight risk of rupturing the water when putting the stitch in, but it is a very small risk. i'll update probably late this week or early next week on how everything went. enjoy the day! it is gorgeous. and thank you for your continued prayers and concern for our family. we are truly blessed!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 2:47 PM CDT

today was emma's official first day of preschool. "without mom or dad or anybody!" were her words to be exact. she's a very well adjusted child and pretty much was ready to take off without a hug or kiss to even mark the beginning of a new era. :-) mom had different ideas. HA! and i'm still bigger...so i usually get my way. :-) she loved every minute of it, and is entirely excited for friday when she gets to do it all over again. a short update...but one for the books for me! i love my children.

Monday, September 12, 2005 11:01 AM CDT

emma had her hello day at preschool today. boy, you know everyone always tells you how fast time flies. i used to think they were kidding. now, of course with the onslaught of school...i know it's no joke. as i was tucking her into bed lastnight i pulled the full teary-eyed-mom "i can't believe my baby is growing up" deal. you are so proud, and you are so sad to take that initial step knowing it's just the beginning. wren and brendon tagged along for the ride today. literally, if you look at the picture. they had somewhat of a tandem trike (without wren having to actually pedal) there and they loved it! hope everyone has a great day. enjoy the quietness and sleepiness of the rain.

Friday, September 9, 2005 9:51 PM CDT

i've had the intent this entire week to update and let you all know that we had a fabulous holiday weekend. but i kept putting it off so i could also add some new photos...i'm still waiting for the photos. :-) they'll just have to come at a later time. last sunday, we went up to the state fair to enjoy the great minnesota get together. we ate...and ate...and ate...and ate. emma enjoyed all the indulgences of 1919 rootbeer, cheese curds, french fries, corn on the cob, cookies, milk (did anyone else notice they actually have a BARN this year????), icees, and elephants ears to name a few. although some of our normal foods we had to skip due to lack of room and space in our gastrointestinal area. then on monday, we went up to grandma becky's and papa don's and enjoyed a day of tooning (pontooning), 4-wheelin', and hangin' out the with family. wren was POOPED by tuesday. but man, he really enjoys the normal life. next week things come in full swing. emma is starting preschool, wren starts up his therapy regime (mon-thurs), awanas starts, mikee is taking his yearly trip to the reno air races, and we will be having a girl's time to boot back here in the state. resting a ton this weekend to gear up for it. that's about all for now. oh, i ended up canceling wren's laryngoscopy last wed. because he was still a bit under the weather. it is rescheduled for the beginning of october. prayerfully, he'll stay healthy until then, although with emma in school now i know we'll be seeing a pile of germs that haven't crossed our doorstep thus far. we'll see what happens. :-) God bless, and i'll get those pics on as soon as i get them myself (hint hint, mom and dad and mikee).

Saturday, September 3, 2005 4:22 PM CDT

doesn't this look strange? i looked at a picture of him at my in-law's house the other day from "way back when" when he had the trach and just about fell over at how bulky it looked! honestly, when he had it, it just blended because i was so used to it...and now!!!! how funny how your perception just kind of evolves with your children's growth. what a good thing. hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday weekend. i tried, really i did, to get some new pictures of him. looks like i just need to keep trying. the batteries on the camera go dead usually before i get a chance to capture a "good" picture! patience. isn't that what it's all about? :-) God bless.

it seems as though i'm having a bit of a computer hang up. i want to do the nice fall motif for his background...but then i can't get the links added on. i'm trying! really.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005 1:29 PM CDT

i keep thinking how nice it would be to write something profound and deep. none of which are coming to my mind at this particular time...instead i just find myself resting in the lightheartedness, yet magnitude, of thankfulness. finding the things to be thankful for in every situation. in the wonderful blessings of life, and in the hard sorrows. for some reason, when i found myself overwhelmed in the trials and sorrows, it was then that my thankfulness abounded the most. we had a recent turn of events here that is the utmost cause for celebration...and in that i found myself struggling to maintain a joyful heart. why? i'm not really sure. then i sat down today and thought of the irony of the whole situation; how with wren from the moment we found out of his immenent birth, we were grateful and thankful and trusting and blindly childlike in the Lord's presence. and now with such great news, why was i having trouble with something that just so blatantly should bring such joy. and unexpectedly God brought the reminder to me..."in all things, give thanks." just resting and knowing...
maybe this thought process is brought on by being an onlooker in the massive devastation of the south. i remember when wren was in the hospital, worrying some stormy nights about what would happen if a tornado were to strike. or if the power would shut off. how would all the machines keep running? how would they keep him safe? where would they go? watching the weather channel over the past few days brought those thoughts close to home once again and a compassion for the families down there beyond just losing everything they had. the hospitals running off of generators. not enough staffing. not enough room. not enough transports. it seems so easy to get lost in the statistics of it all...and yet God is not a God of statistics. i've come to that reassurance...and also the realization over the past 2 years that God...and only God and life in Him is eternal. the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, the Son of God...and God the Father. all other things shall pass away. now, i've always KNOWN this. but to realize something brings on a whole new dimension. it makes the brevity of life all too real...but in a good way. i find i'm not so attatched to the things and worries of this world anymore. (in a good way...not in a manic depressive detatchment kind of way.) just knowing that my very breath is in God's hands and that i will not leave this earth a moment before His book says i will...doesn't that ease your mind? it doesn't make me foolish by any means. i'm not about to jump off a bridge and test that theory...but it causes you to want to run the race that God has set before you and not wait for tomorrow. for we do not know what tomorrow will bring. jill in all her writings is such a good reminder to me to take life one day at a time...and to hold what God has given you to the endth degree. if you haven't been keeping up on her site, may i encourage you to do so. God has a way of speaking through her.
okay, so those are my deep thoughts for the day. more like ramblings. wren is doing well. he has a bit of a cold. i think. tomorrow he goes in for his pre-op, then next wednesday is his laryngoscopy. it's fun to get down on these appts. although, if i have to admit something...i must admit i actually liked having my husband take the day off so that we could travel as a team and just spend some talking time in the car together. no distractions. i truly enjoy being with the man. he is fascinating and just good to be around. so i can't say i ever minded the appointments...aside from hauling the equipment. :-) anyway, on to better things...and car trips without dr.'s on the otherside. have a blessed day...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005 7:59 AM CDT

doesn't that face look innocent? don't be fooled! :-) things are going well for us. still leading a more normal life than ever before. he is doing very well with eating and now will even attempt to place a cheerio on the side of his mouth. he doesn't, however, understand that concept of chewing yet...and painfully i watched him gulp down a whole dry cheerio the other day. needless to say that hasn't been done again...yet. but he is learning and learn it he shall! he has his follow up lasar laryngoscopy in a couple weeks. i'm excited to see how things are healing. lastnight i gave him his last dose of phenobarb, so now his only medications are his albuterol and pulmicort neb and then some singular for the allergy season. and that's really all i have to report! amazing. and fun. God bless...hope you all are enjoying the last traces of summer as we welcome a gorgeous fall.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005 9:14 PM CDT

believe it or not, i did not fall off the face of this earth! just my computer. it's been on the blitz for the past week and a half. now, my excuse for not updating the pictures? well, i don't have one. i'm just getting worse and trying to get him to hold still long enough to get one worth putting on the site. i used to be able to say, "wren! smile! :-)" and he would. he figured me out and usually does just the opposite, i'm pretty sure just to spite me. :-) his latest "2-year old" thing is if i'm holding him and i tell him "no" to something, he'll get this look in his eye and look straight at me and pinch my cheek to let me know his disapproval. totally took me off guard the first time! "WHO IS THIS CHILD?" and despite my burning cheek and my best effort not to, i had to set him down so i could turn away in torrents of giggles. it was so....real. he is now proceeding to throw himself onto the ground in tantrums, run around the house "yelling" "baaaa ba ba ba baaaa ba ba ba arrrrgh!", and throwing things off of or out of whatever if he does not get his way. may i re-iterate that this child is SO PERSISTANT. i have never seen anything like it in my whole mild mannered life. really. tonight i caught him with a beenie baby bear in his mouth (the choice method of carrying something) climbing up emma's bunk bed ladder to try to take down the ceiling fan....and it was still running. no fear. doesn't care. now i WISH i would have had my camera for that one, you would have been laughing as hard as i was. unfortunately IT was in the basement and HE was at the highest point level in our house...possibly about to commandear the ceiling fan. i chose my best bet and tended to him. he is keeping me busy busy busy. very tiring and very wonderful. most days his first cry makes me want to pull the covers over my head for at least another hour...just knowing the amount of exertion that lies ahead. but boy, do i welcome this. :-) today he ate his first bites of some very soft scrambled eggs for breakfast, then i tried some mushy pancakes for lunch. he did really well with both of them. i just want to shout and say, "it IS getting better!" i think the gradual graduations that he makes is totally not what i expected. i always thought when he reached "milestones" we would be there and bam! yes! we made it through that one. he just so gradually becomes this "normal" boy that you find yourself going, "hmmmm...look at that. that is so nice!" anyway, this is short tonight. but a quick update none the less. i am SO HAPPY to have my lifeline to the outside world back. i'll try and take some pictures of him tomorrow and get them on. he is such a big boy now! :-) God bless. have a great one.

Tuesday, August 9, 2005 8:16 AM CDT

we had such a great time at the NICU reunion! it was a blast seeing every one of our "girls" over there (and doctors) to whom we owe wren's life to. not to mention, of course, our amazing God who orchestrated everything. i definitely enjoy being on this side of the reunion much more than the otherside. the first year we were still in the hospital, i ran down to see what it was going to be like, and even snagged a name tag for wren. i had told him at the time that he would have to enjoy the party from his room for now, but soon enough he would be down running with everyone else. and he was. everywhere. daddy did most of the chasing...thankfully. i think he was pretty spent by the end of the day!
wren continues to try and use his voice little by little. lastnight he chose the method of crying and crying and crying and crying. very unlike him. i'm still not sure this morning what was wrong. i didn't know if he was in pain, of if he was sad that everyone had disappeared, or if he was tired. one of those mommy mind boggling moments. as i was rocking him to sleep, and he very quickly settled down, i thought, "boy, what an adjustment. i haven't heard you speak in 2 years and now my ears are ringing from your crying." not that it was very loud...just very high pitched and it comes out kind of whiney. unintentionally for him...it's just the way it is. so! :-) but we're happy none the less that he's figuring it out.
otherwise, things continue to just smooth sail for us. we've adjusted quite nicely to walking out the door with a diaper bag now. and it seems like it's the way it has always been. i think God is good like that. you learn and you grow in the midst of trials...but when they are done, you really have the heart to reflect on all the good and amazing things that have turned around because of it. :-) God bless...have a great day!

Saturday, August 6, 2005 11:08 AM CDT

boy have we been a little MIA lately. sorry about that. wren is doing very well. he has been fighting a double ear infection for the past week, and that has proved to be a sleeping challenge...for all. but otherwise he is pretty healthy. he is not talking a whole lot. we get asked that probably the most. i guess after not speaking for 2 1/2 years...he really doesn't see the need for it now. :-) but we do get to hear a little raspy voice when he cries or laughs really hard. we joke that he is going to be our airforce pilot now because he needs to have his nebs over his mouth instead of his trach. as you can see he looks very "cool". he doesn't mind...well, anything. he is very easy going, and learning to trust that we are not going to beat him up yet again. he still doesn't care about eating much either. all those things will eventually come...just time and work! short update for now, but i'll write more later. tomorrow we are heading over for his NICU reunion in rochester!!!!!!! yeah. we haven't been to one yet, and this one will be wonderful. God bless!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005 8:47 AM CDT

WE'RE HOME!!!!!!!!! after much mommy prodding, they let us come home lastnight. and boy does it feel good! wren has just a touch of a cough right now...but we usually expect him to get a little cold when he is in the hospital. especially sharing rooms and toys and meeting lots and lots of people. anyway, i put on a few pics of him now. amazing, huh? God bless.

Monday, July 25, 2005 9:27 AM CDT

all right! a minute to sneak away. a sweet sweet csa came to sit with wren so i could run down here quick and write an update. sorry about the long in betweens, but getting away from wren for a minute is somewhat like..ummmm..separating something joined at the hips. anyway, he is doing phenominal. i love that word. so phenominal, in fact, that it looks like we might be busting out of here on wednesday....due to the hard coorcing of ehem...me. he has gained most of his strength back...definitely ALL of his energy which has led us to a little bit of a sleeping predicament. meaning he doesn't like to do it. he has so much bottled up energy that he can't just run off some because of his muscle control or there lack of for now, and some because, well, we're in the hospital and confined to the 6th floor. not a whole lot of running area. we make laps all day long around the hall. honest. we are just kind of waiting on getting his feeds back in order. they are still feeding him into the jajunum (mid intestine) and need to pull it back to a gt feed (stomach) before sending us off. they also need to replace the jt/gt tube with his mic key button. then...praise God we are getting out a week sooner than anticipated. i honestly don't know what we'd do with ourselves if we had to go another week. you can't lock this boy down, that's for sure! so i guess sleep is what i'm craving most. we had quite the ordeal the day he was extubated. we stayed in the PICU that entire day, and were supposed to remain there for another couple. 11:00 that night a nurse came pounding on my door (mind you i was still sleep deprived from the night before) and told me they were moving wren and i needed to gather my stuff and move too. i looked at the clock and said, "at 11 o'clock at night?" she said, "yes. we need the room down here. doc thinks he'll be just fine so you're moving to the 6th floor." i said, "wait a minute. we were supposed to go to the ica floor after a couple days in the icu and THEN go to the 6th floor." she said, "i know. the 6th floor is the only place that will take him right now and we need his room so he's moving."
needless to say i packed my things with frustrated tears in my eyes and went and stood in the hallway to wait for them to get him packed up. we got settled around midnight upstairs in a room with a VERY vocal 7 month old who insisted on crying for what seemed like the rest of the night. in reality it was probably only a total of an hour...but he didn't make it all the same hour. so he'd cry, i'd wake up, we'd fall back to sleep, he'd cry, we'd all wake up, we'd all fall back to sleep, he'd cry....you get the picture. THANKFULLY the next night both scout and wren decided to sleep through the entire night! a good nights sleep. then the previous two nights wren has insisted on waking up more than i care to get up. lastnight, for example, he woke up at 11, then fell back to sleep 45 minutes later. then he woke up at 1:00 and fell back to sleep at 2. then he woke up at 3:00 and by 4:00 i was on my knees begging his nurse to just take him and do whatever she needed to. we tried chlorohydrate (kind of a sedative...SUPPOSED to make him sleepy. HA-yeah right.) then she just said, "you know what? i'll just take him into the hall with me and you can get some rest." bless her heart. i got to sleep until 6. the bugar didn't go back to sleep. well, at least not until 8:30 this morning when he took a 20 minute nap. he is just not into sleeping. home will be a welcome thing. oh, and of course sleeping on those pull out chairs (which i'm thankful it's not the floor) doesn't help with the comfort level and the tossing and turning. all right, that's my grievance. but i gotta say, it sure is going smoothly and wonderfully. i realize it could have been so very much worse. wren's health is perfect and he is kind of starting to figure out he might possible have a voice. it's very quiet and very raspy right now, but it will get better with time. :-) all very exciting things. i think i've rambled enough and i'm sure the csa is looking at her watch going "how long is she going to be gone????" thank you for your very much needed continued prayers. God bless you...i know He has us!

ps..i'll put some new pics on on wednesday when i get home. they don't have the hook ups up here to get them on. or it might be thursday...sometime the end of this week. how's that? :-)

Thursday, July 21, 2005 3:34 PM CDT

well, i am utterly exhausted! i was so thankful to be able to come up lastnight and just prepare my heart for today...but there was a slight misunderstanding when it came to me actually getting a sleep room. to make a long story short, i have about 3 hours of sleep under my belt right now so my mind is not functioning at top notch. case in point, i've had to re-spell at least every other word thus far. ANYWAY, my sleep deprivation is, i'm sure, NOT what you want to read about. i've escaped for a short period of time...these may be very few over the next couple weeks. but as of 9:39 this morning, wren has been "tube free". (he still has his lines i.e. IV, central line, and monitor probes) but there is not tube down his nose, and none in his throat. and just about an hour ago they took him off of oxygen to boot. he is doing extremely well. there is little stryder (spelling?) that mostly just arises when he is upset. he has been a little of that, but considering he's been on narcotics for 7 days, a little withdrawl should be expected. i'll put some pictures on when i can. i forgot to give michael the camera, otherwise he could have slapped them on there tonight. we have yet to hear his voice due to his throat being a little soar from the intubation and...well...not using his vocal chords for 2 years. anyway, that's the skinny. it is wierd and wonderful. i keep touching the side of his neck and looking where his scar is....just a memory now. they do watch him for a few days very closely in case he would "fail" extubation....but i don't forsee that happening...in know Who's on our side! thank you God for such a smooth transition. all Glory due Your name. may You be praised forever more.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005 6:49 AM CDT

we went up to see wren lastnight. he is doing very well. :-) i just love saying that! it sounds as if this morning they are going to either change or decrease the sedative and start giving another drug (i'm gleaning this from michael talking to the nurse). they start this one 24 hours before they are going to wake him up...and from what we hear dr. sidman is pretty timely when waking him up. as in, they started the med at 6 a.m. this morning, most likely they will extubate at 6 am tomorrow morning. michael and i are trying to decide if we should go up tonight and spend the night or go road trippin' earlier in the morning tomorrow. i want to be there when they extubate....and if that's not possible, i want to be there as soon as possible after. otherwise i'm pretty sure wren will give them a run for their money in the trying to calm him down area. that's really about all. the poor little guy still hasn't pooped in over a week, but his belly is still soft and you can still hear good bowel sounds. figure that one out! looks like some prune juice might be in the orders the next couple days. thank you for continuing to keep us in your prayers. tomorrow is THURSDAY! YAY! oh, and i got to look at his incision sites. they look pretty good. the one where his stoma was at (where the trach was put in) is a longer incision than i expected...but they both look very clean. God bless.

Saturday, July 16, 2005 9:56 PM CDT

if these pictures get to be too graphic, someone let me know. it's such a "normal" thing that we have seen him this way that sometimes i don't stop to think what others might be feeling....aka, sick. so, i won't be offended if you email me (so you don't have to feel like the wuss on the website) and just say, "hey erin! enough is enough already...let's see some happy pictures!" i promise they are coming in the very near future...this just kind of gives everyone an idea of what he is going through right now.
in any case, when mikee and i walked in today we both went, "man! he looks huge." for some reason, his big body sprawled out on the bed with a tube down his nose 4 times the normal size they intubate with (on his size) and he STILL has a leak around the tube...he just looks BIG. of course, the last time we actually saw him intubated was in 2003. he was quite a bit smaller then. :-)
he is doing very well. just resting and healing. that's kind of the run of our updates. pretty much...that's all. well, i put on a few new pictures...we probably won't be going up again until tuesday...and then THURSDAY!!!! yay! i'll be up there then for the next 2 weeks and those of you who have said, "call me! if you need anything..." i'll be calling you! :-) but really, thank you. i'm sure i'll be in much need of some familiar faces...and possibly some normal food. but until then...thank you in advance. have a great rest of the weekend. God bless.
erin lee

Saturday, July 16, 2005 9:02 AM CDT

"why are we doing this again?"

we are getting wonderful updates from wren's nurses. they got his sedation meds "tweaked" yesterday finally and it sounds like they hit it right on and he is staying nice and quiet for them. good boy. the only "ify" news coming from them is that his belly is getting a little distended. which is not abnormal when you are sedated. you are asleep, thus your bowels are also asleep. but his stomach is still soft and they can still hear "little" bowel sounds. they are going to try and figure out what they want to do about the feeds today. i said, "well, if you can't feed him too much i'm not too worried about it. we can always catch up when he wakes up." i'd rather not have to deal with more intestinal issues now that we've come this far! so that is my one prayer request is that his bowels will start moving.
we are heading up there this afternoon to let emma see him. she tells me throughout the day "mommy...i miss wren. when can i see him?" she is totally and completely in love with her brother...as is he with her. our plan on the day that we wake him up is to have emma in there too. we both think he'll fair better with her face in front of him. he just reacts very differently to her than he does to either of us.
that's just about all for now. i'll try and get some more pictures this afternoon...but most likely they will look exactly the same as these others do! hopefully they will because he is not supposed to be moving! :-) God bless.

Friday, July 15, 2005 8:06 AM CDT

i called up to the cities this morning to check on my boy. they said they really just had a bugger of a time keeping him sedated lastnight, so he got himself a private room in the back of the PICU where it is more quiet. originally he was out kind of in the main frame with curtain dividers between him, the front desk, and 3 other patients. and from what i understand, they were quite busy lastnight...so needless to say the move was probably a good one for him! they also had him on veceronium (you are going to have to excuse my spelling...i'm going by hear-say) which is the v one i couldn't think of yesterday. it is a muscle relaxer...and only a muscle relaxer, so they are still coupling it with morphin, but thankfully having to give that a little less. she said they just kept on upping the dose of the vec and giving it more frequently and he was still fighting to stay awake. that's my boy. :-) again excuse my spellings, they also have him on clindamyacin (if you are a nurse or a medical person you might just be laughing your touchsi off right now), diflucan, and fortaz for antibiotics. (hey! i'm just spelling it how it sounds...) and then, of course, good ol' lasex to help with the swelling. mid-week i think i saw on his charts that they will be switching over to drugs such as dexamethazone, versed, and vicodin (which is a pain reliever close to codeine) the versed would be the muscle relaxer and the dex is the steroid for swelling. they have kind of a med flow chart that breaks down what is SUPPOSED to be given...although, he's been changing their minds already. :-) it is so fascinating to see the ins and outs in a non-critical situation. when wren was originally in the hospital, i wanted to soak up as much as possible just so i had a mild understanding of what was going on inside of him...yesterday, i kind of sat back and watched the girls get everything in order. they have a med flow sheet on the wall that you can look up the meds being given to see which ones are compatible and which ones are not. some have to go in one arm's IV and others have to go in on the other side. boy...there are smart people out there! they are looking at putting a central line in today sometime. they were going to do it lastnight, but with him being so restless and them being so busy..well, it's just not THAT important right now. they draw labs every 6-12 hours which is why they want the central. they don't want to keep poking him, and wren tends to be a hard one to draw off of on his peripheral lines. in any case, he is doing fine right now and it is not an emergent thing...so they will probably get to it after all of the patients have been seen and everyone is settle in.
i told the nurse i love calling and having short updates that consist of nothing but good. :-) and that's what i got. they are doing a wonderful job with him up there...but we still miss our familiar nurses and docs in rochester too. the feeling is just...different. familiarity vs. unfamiliarity. i do long to see a familiar face by his bed of someone who knows him...but these girls are phenominal. he's in good hands.
all right, enough rambling. thank you for your continued prayers...it's our number one request.
oh, and just as an add on, not because i'm asking you to send him anything what-so-ever! but because i've had people calling and emailing and wanting to know...and well this is just easier to put it on here...he can't have live pants. aside from the fact that he'd probably pull them apart anyway! but he can have balloons (mylar only), and stuffed animals, books, and toys. food would be pointless because it would go straight into my stomach! ha. i can tell you his favorite things in life are books and musical things. anything musical. he's okay with stuffed animals, but the only one i've found him getting attatched to is one that his uncle peter and aunt becky got him that has a music box in the head of it. he pushes it up against his ear and hugs it. he enjoys balloons very much so...but of all things in this world, will put the latex ones in his mouth. plus, i don't believe hospitals allow latex anyway.
may i re-iderate! this does not mean i'm looking for you to send him any gifts!!!!!! it's only for the eyes of you who are wondering. :-) love to you all...have a great day.
erin lee

Thursday, July 14, 2005 7:03 PM CDT

all right! well, we made it...and i must say i think the easy part is over. he did wonderful in surgery. all went as it should with NO complications. Praise God. it took a little over 4 hours for the surgery and then some to get him settled into the PICU. he is "a fighter" as his PICU nurse said. ha ha...we already knew that. he was fighting the sedation quite a bit post-op. she said even with the drip of v-something or other (i have never heard of this sedative) and the bolus of morphin that they were giving him he was still really wanting to be awake...not out. she was having to bolus him about every 10-15 minutes so as we were leaving she was going to try and talk the intensivist into upping his drip. they do not want him to move AT ALL...no finger twitches, no head jerks...especially no head jerks, no foot twirls...nothing. it looked quite challenging to me. he was really really not wanting to stay put. in any sense, it is such a short update thankfully because everything went so smoothly! :-) mikee and i are at home and will probably take emma up to see him on saturday. it's one of those guilty parental things of..."you really don't want me here? ooookaaaayyy....but are you sure? okay." neither michael or i wanted to stay and watch him in the state he's in...but neither of us wanted to leave. so, we are taking the dr.'s advice and resting this week so we'll be all ready for next week. i'll update pics and medical conditions as the week goes on...but for now, all went well. thank you for your prayers.
the eccles

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 10:18 PM CDT

so, tonight we said good-bye to our last officially scheduled nurse. it really was a sweet sorrow. it is the day we've been waiting for...longing for. to once again hover ourselves within the confines of a "normal" family. to recapture our house and our privacy. to no longer be dependant on others to carry out what would seem to be every day tasks. yet, here i am saddened by the prospect that i will no longer see these women, whom have helped me with my every day life for the past 18 months, on a daily basis. who were so patient with us as we adjusted to being home. who never thought our emotions to be coy or inappropriate...or if they did, having the restraint to not smug or reprimand us openly. to ride the emotions of watching a child struggle right along with us...and loving him as if he were their very own. to listen to me on days where i would just rant and rave about such unimportant things...but treating me and them as if they were very important. these women, whom we would not have survived this last year and a half without. when you go through a trial, so often the things that surround you become so intimately affiliated with that trial. so, these women...i will truly miss. it struck me tonight that as you close all of those large chapters in your life you are excited at what the prospect of the next chapter will bring...and saddened by what you are leaving behind. they say that the memories carry you through...and i believe that sometimes they do. but sometimes memories make you sad for a very long time, also. so this is the case right now. i'm so very excited, and so very sad at what we've been through the last two years. such formitive years...and now this chapter is closing only to reveal the next. high school graduation, getting married, having your first child, holding your first job...all such galliant things in life. the breadth of living...yet they all pass away scooting you on to the next. i was reminded of the childhood book "the little prince" the other day and i wanted to write a clipping from it...so bear with me! (this is where emotional turmoil gets you...the hot seat of the computer at 10:30 at night!) i'll re-read it in the morning and i'm sure i'll wonder what i'd been drinking tonight. oh, cherry pepsi for those of you who ARE wondering.
"It was then that the fox appeared.
"Good morning, " said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince answered politely, though when he turned around he saw nothing.
"I'm here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" the little prince asked. "You're very pretty..."
"I'm a fox," the fox said.
"Come and play with me," the little prince proposed. "I'm feeling so sad."
"I can't play with you," the fox said. "I'm not tamed."
"Ah! Excuse me," said the little prince. But upon reflection he added, "What does Tamed mean?"
"You're not from around here," the fox said. "What are you looking for?"
"I'm looking for people," said the little prince. "What does tamed mean?"
"People," said the fox, "have guns and they hunt. I't's quite troublesome. And they also raise chickens. That's the only interesting thing about htem. Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince, "I'm looking for friends. What does tamed mean?"
"It's something that's been too often neglected. It means, 'to create ties'..."
"To create ties'?"
"That's right," the fox said. "For me you're only a little boy just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me, either. For you I'm only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, we'll need eath other. You'lol be the only boy in the world for me. I'll be the only fox in the world for you...."
"I'm beginning to understand," the little prince said. "There's a flower...I think she's tamed me..."
"Possibly," the fox said. "On Earth, one sees all kinds of things."
"Oh, this isn't on Earth," the little prince said.
The fox seemed quite intrigued. "On another planet?"
"Yes."
"Are there hunters on that planet?"
"No."
"Now that's interesting. And chickens?"
"No."
"Nothing's perfect," sighed the fox.
But he returned to his idea. "My life is monotonous. I hunt chickens; people hunt me. All chickens are just alike, and all men are just alike. So I'm rather bored. But if you tame me, my life will be filled with sunshine. I'll know the sound of footsteps that will be different from all the rest. Other footsteps send me back underground. Yours will call me out of my burrow like music. And then, look! You see the wheat fields over there? i don't eat bread. For me wheat is of no use whatever. Wheat fields say nothing to me. Which is sad. But you have hair the color of gold. So it will be wonderful, once you've tamed me! The wheat, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I'll love the sound of the wind in the wheat..."
The fox fell silent and stared at the little prince for a long while. "Please...tame me!" he said.
"I'd like to," the little prince replied, "but i haven't much time. I have friends to find and so many things to learn."
"The only things you learn are the things you tame," said the fox. "People haven't time to learn anything. They but things ready-made in stores. But since there are no stores where you can buy friends, people no longer have friends. If you want a friend, tame me!"
"What do I have to do?" asked the little prince.
"You have to be very patient," th efox answered.
"First you'll sit down a little ways away from me, over there, in the grass. I"ll watch you out of the corner of my eye, and you won't say anything. Language is the source of misunderstandings. But day by day, you'll be able to sit a little closer..."
The next day the little prince returned.
"It would have been better to return at the same time," the fox said. "For instance, if you come at four in the afternoon, I'll begin to be happy by three. The closer it gets to four, the happier I'll feel. By four I'll be all excited and worried; I'll discover what it costs to be happy! But if you come at any old time, I'll never know when I should prepare my heart...There must be rites."
"What's a rite?" asked the little prince.
"That's another thing that's been too often neglected," said the fox. "It's the fact that one day is different from the other days, one hour from the other hours...
That was how the little prince tamed the fox. And when the time to leave was near;
"Ah!" the fox said. "I shall weep."
"It's your own fault," the little prince said. "I never wanted to do you any harm, but you insisted that i tame you..."
"Yes, of course," the fox said.
"But you're going to weep!" said the little prince.
"Yes, of course," the fox said.
"Then you get nothing out of it?"
"I get something," the fox said, "because of the color of the wheat." Then he added, "Go look at the roses again. You'll understand that yours is the only rose in all the world. Then come back to say good-bye, and i'll make you the gift of a secret."
The little prince went to look at the roses agian.
"You're not at all like my rose. You're nothing at all yet," he told them. "No one has tamed you and you haven't tamed anyone. You're the way my fox was. He was just a fox like a hundred thousand others. But I've made him my friend, and now he's the only fox in all the world."
And the roses were humbled.
"You're lovely, but you're empty," he went on.
"One couldn't die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars...Since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Shince she's MY rose."
And he went back to the fox.
"Good-bye," he said.
"Good-bye," said the fox. "Here is my secret. It's quite simple: ONe sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."
"Anything essential is invisible to the eyes," the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
"It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It's the time I spent on my rose...," the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
"People have forgotten this truth," the fox said.
"But you mustn't forget it. You become responsible forever for what you've tamed. You're responsible for your rose..."
"I'm responsible for my rose...," the little prince repeated, in order to remember."



May God tame your heart tonight. YOU are His rose. You are the most important..and among a hundred thousand roses...you are the one He cares for. sorry for the lengthy entry...i hope in bits and pieces you were able to get through it. God bless your heart today. remember those who are so important to you.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 8:16 AM CDT

i am so sorry about the delayed update. a) we have been oh so busy, and b) i was kind of hoping to actually have a copy of the test results in my hand so i wouldn't mis-interpret anything. his pulminologist went through them so quickly and there is so much medical jargin, my mind can only soak things up so fast. but here is a run down. the EEG went fairly well. there were some spikes in his brain activity as well as some places of...ummm...placidness. so, these results, apparantly, could be interpreted a few different ways. what it came down to was it wasn't exactly normal...but not conclusively abnormal either. they could be related to something else, they could just be the way his brain functions. in any case they did not log any seizure activity, but still decided to wait until after this whole fiasco of decannulation is through until weaning him off of his phenobarb. dr. maynard is going to have one of the pediatric neurologists come and take a look at wren and his test results this upcoming week while he is still in the PICU.
the ECHO also went very well. wren has never had a problem with pulminary hypertension (thank you God), and still doesn't. it looks like, from what i gathered, the upper right hand chamber of his heart is exerting a bit more energy than "normal"...but dr. maynard said this was not uncommon to see and it carries no bearing on whether or not we could decannulate. so as of yesterday after his pre-op here in mankato, dr. sidman (ENT), dr. maynard (pulminologist) and dr. davis (his primary pediatrician) have all given him a green light.
tomorrow we will be taking him up to have a j-tube place. right now he has a g-tube (gastrointestinal tube) that runs, of course, into his stomach. the week he is sedated, they still want to be able to feed him. most of you, i'm sure, are aware that you just cannot eat while under anesthesia due to the risk of vommiting...so the j-tube runs a little further down into the intestine. then thursday we are due up there at 6:30 a.m. his surgery should start somewhere around 7:30. i'm not sure how long it will take. however long it takes to cut some rib bone off, construct it around the upper airway, and repair the hole where his trach used to sit. to me...well, it would take me a very very very very very long time. but i know the capable hands he is in, so i'm sure it won't take dr. sidman nearly as long. :-)
thank you for your prayers. this is a bit of a hard surgery for me, and i can't tell you EXACTLY why. i could tell you many many reasons why i think it is...but none the less i'm just a bit unsettled. pray for peace, comfort and confidence. and pray for wisdom for his dr.'s. thank you.

Thursday, July 7, 2005 8:35 AM CDT

we took a spontaneous trip to como yesterday and found the perfect day to be there. you might have been there too! it was extremely busy. but still fun. we're trying to cram in a "bunch of fun" before wren's big surgery. which, by the way, is next thursday...not wednesday. i'm not sure which one of my brain connectors was severred in the booking of the appt. but none the less i had the wrong day written down. HA. that would have been funny. not really. hope you're enjoying the weather. love us...the eccles.

Tuesday, July 5, 2005 11:59 AM CDT

here he is trying to squish all the baby toads hopping around at grandma's house. pretty funny...don't worry, no toads were hurt in the process. we had a good, but busy, weekend. this year is so much more fun than last year...and we are just looking forward to what next year will bring! this week wren has his follow up pulminology appt. on thursday. we will get to review the echo results and are just knowing and believing that his heart is just fine. other than that, not a whole lot has changed. boy, i love writing that. God bless. i'll update on thursday about the results.

Thursday, June 30, 2005 9:59 PM CDT

everything went very well today. he went under quickly, and came out quickly. because of him being sick this past week, they found shortly after he was out that he needed just a bit of c-pap pressure support for him...but other than that he did great. we should know the results from the tests sometime next week. i did talk briefly with the audiologist and she confirmed that his previous results are pretty acurate. so what that tells us is that his hearing is within normal range in the low to mid frequencies, but in the upper (above 2000, and mostly above 4000) he has a moderate to severe hearing loss. this basically means that he cannot hear distinguishes between s's, t's, p's...all the "sharp" consonants. so if i were to say "stop!" to him...most likely he is hearing "ah!" but to HIM he is now affiliating what he is hearing with what i mean. so that to HIM means stop. anyway, hearing aids are a good thing for his speech development. :-) so thankful, once again, to Job's daughter's for providing them for us. thank you. i put some fun pics on of him post nappy hair from all the gunk. :-) and the dazed surgery look. they used a drug called propofol (diprivan). it is a very fast working drug...in and out...but we caught him in the few minutes after where he was still a little "out of it." :-) pretty cute. have a great night. i'll keep you updated as things start rolling for us. next week is his pulminology appt. most likely we'll go over the results from his echo during that time. thank you for your prayers today....God bless.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005 7:34 PM CDT

wren will be heading up to the cities tomorrow...okay, we'll all be heading up tomorrow...for his diagnostic tests. EEG, ECHO, BAER. he will be sedated during all of them. from what i understand, it will be for about a 5 1/2 hour period. he has been sick this past week with strep pneumo. and although we've had him on an antibiotic, it's a little nerve wracking sending him in to be sedated when i know he is not 100 percent. unfortunately, these are tests that we NEED to get done in order to get the trach out. at least the echo is. and for them to schedule it...well, let's just say it's a minor headache. they need to get the neurologist, cardiologist, and audiologist all there for an extended period of time. not to mention the anesthesiologist. (okay jill, i am so with you on that one of not being able to spell it!) he needs to be there for the entire time. we've had to reschedule this twice (not on the favorite list up at abbott!) due to him being ill. we've just decided to go ahead and do it. he will have a humidity mask and oxygen at his bedside ready for him should he need it. they also mentioned to me today that they are going to be using "totally new equipment". wren will "be the first". i'm not sure how i feel about that yet, and i'm not sure exactly what equipment they are referring to...but please be praying that God protects him throughout the procedure. of course. i know that He will. pray that he goes under and comes out without any problems...and pray that the results are what we are seeking. we are believing that they will find NO pulminary hypertension. we are believing that there will be NO areas in the brain that they can identify as seizure areas. and we are believing that God has completely restored his hearing. i will update you on the praise report tomorrow night. thank you very much.

Saturday, June 25, 2005 2:59 PM CDT

just an FYI, i linked jill's new caringbridge site to wren's below. thank you for your continued prayers and support for them. if you are wanting to help out in any way, or send a card you can email me at the address below, and i'll get you the info you need. thank you again.

Friday, June 17, 2005 7:27 AM CDT

God thank you today for the pile of messy dishes still sitting on my counter...for they meant that i had something good to eat! thank you for the piles of laundry in my laundry room that are STILL not done...for i know i have clothes on my back. thank you for the patio door that continually gets left open letting all the hot air in and the cold air out...reminding me that i have a blessed roof over my head. thank you for the incessant screams and tears of my beautiful children...for i know that i have been truly blessed because of them. thank you for grungy scum all over the inside of my toilettes and the splattered mirror and the make-up that has still yet to be put away...for i've enjoyed the convenience of a hot shower and an available bathroom. thank you for the sweaty jog that i was almost too tired to wake up for this morning...for i feel blessed that i still have the use of my arms and legs. thank you God for the trials in which we've endured...for i know that through it all you have carried us safely through. we were not accidents...therefor i know the things that happen to us in life are also not accidents...and for that, i thank you God.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005 6:52 AM CDT

good morning. though the clouds are rolling this morning, it still is such a good morning. the air is fresh and the day awaits!
every once in a while, i'll hear questions that people have that sometimes amuse me, sometimes bewilder me, and sometimes cause me to think things through just a little more than i would have. for those of you who don't know me personally, i love to think - yes. but, for the most part, i try to take things at their face value and a lot of times, to keep things simple, i don't even question them. i just trust. someone asked the other day if we thought we had made the right "decision" when "we" decided to keep wren. boy, that question could go in so many directions for me...but my response to be easy is YES! undeniable, without a doubt, no remorse, no looking back...YES! number one, he wasn't ours to "keep". wren has belonged to God from the moment of his first breath. there is nothing here on earth aside from God's sovereignty (sp?) and HIS healing touch that has allowed wren to be here. 22 weekers are rare...although getting more and more "common" every day. but technically the viability for a "fetus" is 23 weeks. i know i wrote it in a journal a long long time ago, but when i was in labor, michael and i just sat a prayed for those 9 hours in the hospital here at ISJ. there is no doubt in my mind and in my heart that God placed it upon us to "just be his parents". and what i mean by that is, we didn't need any medical knowledge, we didn't need statistics - good or bad, we didn't need to know the arduous road that would lie ahead...all he called us to do was to faithfully be wren's mom and dad. and just because he was born at 22 weeks instead of 40 weeks does not mean that we loved him ANY less. if you were to have a full term baby with some health issues, i'm sure the majority of you wouldn't just say, okay, let's just let him go and do nothing. you would do everything in your parental control to fight for their life. i'm sure of it. and if it's in God's will and His timing on when to "let them go", you'll know.
someone else had asked if i felt like i had kind of "asked for this". if you were around me while i was pregnant, you probably quite often heard the words, "i am GOING to have this baby early!" i was very fearful of having a 10, 11, or 12 lb. baby. honest. so, i kept proclaiming that i was going to go at least 3 weeks early. (easy timeline because emma was 3 1/2 weeks early and that seemed perfect!) so it was said that, "you know, God answers prayers." yes, yes, and yes. it's true. He does. in His perfect timing, in His perfect will, and in His perfect wisdom HE answers prayers. we don't demand of Him. if it were that easy, i think i'll start demanding more pay for my work (ha ha...i get paid in "love" as my husband would say.) but in a very funny, very sovereign way...yes, God did answer my prayers. every one of them if that's even possible...and all with one answer. Wren. He allowed michael and i to be seperate (not what we were WANTING...but it became wonderful) to be drawn closer together. i had more time alone with God in those 9 months in the hospital than i EVER have had. Ever. and i know michael experienced the same. our marriage, because of it, is something now that it could have never been without wren. he allowed wren's timely birth to astound even medical staff and to bring people to their knees in compassionate prayer. he allowed me to be able to witness to mom's in the hospital. yet, he brought us, and especially wren, compeltely through the fire not only unharmed, but far better than when we went in. in your time of trial God doesn't require you to come into His presence...yet, He comes to you and blankets YOU. He shelters you because he loves you...and He never leaves you. we got to experience that. so did i ask for this? i guess yeah, kind of. i asked for God's heart to be mine. and it is. only God answered it in all of His perfection.
questions questions questions. :-) there are so many. the simple answer is to keep our eyes fixed on Him. that, my dear friends, is the only answer we need to know.
God bless.

Monday, June 6, 2005 9:38 PM CDT

so this just goes to show how inept i've been lately at updating. they rearranged the entire log in site and had me all confused! ha ha. we got it all worked out now....
in any case, it's been brought to my attention that i haven't updated in a little while and some of you were getting tired of reading the same old same old. here is how our last week has kind of gone. wren had some bleeding issues throughout the entire weekend after that day we brought him up to the hospital...but nothing so bad that we had to bring him back up again. it just wasn't the best scab falling off time. since then, though, he has been doing really well. we have been spending a lot of time outside...and without nurses. i have to keep re-itterating that because it is still such a wierd concept to be completely in charge of both of my children at the same time for longer than a day. huh. for example, we haven't had an overnight nurse since last wednesday and won't have one until tomorrow night. so we kind of sleep like a regular family...only instead of crying to wake me up, i hear desating alarms. (nothing to be worried about). his pulse ox machine is set at a low of 88 percent, so if his bodies oxygen drops below 88 the machine will alarm. it's kind of natural if people are crying or in a deep sleep to drop a little here and there, and he comes right back up again. usually by the time i've sat up and put my feet on the floor to walk into his room his alarm has stopped. don't you all wish your crying babies would stop that fast??? huh? huh? :-) anyway, he sleeps thoroughly hard throughout the night and wakes up usually a little after 5 and i'll go drag him into our bed to sleep with daddy for a bit while i jog. seems to be a nice routine we've picked up around here. emma had a friend sleep over lastnight, and when i got back from my jog this morning i found two little girls and one little boy all snuggled up next to mikee watching cartoons. pretty cute. he is a COMPLETE mama's boy right now. he gets a little forlorn sometimes when chasing after me through the house tear stricken face and all. again...pretty cute!!
looking forward, the 20th we bring him back up to abbott for a post op check from his t&a. the 29th he has a pre-op here in mankato for his "surgery" on the 30th. he needs to have his echo done before they decanulate him, so he is scheduled for his eeg, echo, and baer test on the 30th at abbott. the eeg is to check his brain for any seizure activity. we are going to try and wean him off of his phenobarb. the echo, of course, is for pulminary hypertension, and the BAER is his hearing test to see if, where, and how much hearing loss he has. then we need to squeeze in one more pulminology appt. before his LTR in july...to which we will also have another pre-op. these couple months here i feel like i may as well pack a bag and move into the dr.'s office! but it is all for a wonderful, long awaited cause....so not too concerned about it. :-)
that's about it for now...hope it is appeasing for some. or at least a little more interesting than the same old same old. i'm going to try and get some new pictures on...i've just been a bit busy lately. ha ha. God bless you.

Friday, May 27, 2005 7:59 PM CDT

thank you for your prayers. and a special thanks to cheri for being our chauffeur today. i had such a fun time (in the midst of actually having to go to the hospital) having you with. and thank you to auntie maggie who so willingly and quickly took emma for me! we got him up there, and as all you mothers (and fathers) know that once you actually make to TO the hospital or clinic, your child is usually fine. we debated for a short time on how long to watch him here at home, and i decided that i would rather drive him in a NON-emergent state. i joked with dr. sidman that if i had stayed home, well then of course something would have happened...but since i am all for prophylactic measures...especially with wren, we decided to bring him up to get him checked out. it looked very similar to his initial bleeding when he first came out of the T&A surgery. it was not enough to make it an emergency...but more than enough to be a little disconcerting. he assured me that he was very GLAD that i had decided to bring him in. you just don't take chances. plus, he was in surgery all day today...so he said should something be amiss he would just take him back to the O.R. and cauterize everything. thankfully, there were no blood clots and nothing that looked like it was freshly bleeding. he does still have some scabbing back there so we are awaiting the full healing. boy, the waiting seems long somedays. but we have that assurance that God is working His COMPLETE work within us and within wren...which includes waiting sometimes. for now, all is peaceful and all is well. thank you for continuing to uphold our family in prayer for the last two years. i still run into some of you who tell me you check on him everyday. what a huge, unspeakable blessing that is to me. God bless you.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 7:42 PM CDT

wren is bleeding from his trach and mouth so we are on our way up to children's. be praying that the ride goes smoothly without profuse bleeding.

friday, May 20, 2005 7:26 PM CDT

here is wren pre-op talking to someone very special on the phone...okay, well not really, but it sure was good entertainment listening to the dial tone! we are home! yay. wren is feeling much better today. boy did he ever get a lickin'. i forgot to mention the comical mishap that while we were pinning him down to cauterize the first time (graphic detail) there was blood, what seemed to me, to be flying and in the midst of it all somehow his g-tube got yanked out. so there we are with a sucker full of blood two of us still trying to pin him down, one running for a temp. catheder (his balloon had bust on his) and pretty much just a "comical" sight all together. he is a STRONG boy. i'm telling you. when it takes 3 adults to hold down a 2 year old...not even...a 20 month old (corrected age), you know they are strong. :-) and i praise God for that. thank you all for your supportive words and phone calls. they really mean a lot. short update for now, but just wanted you to know that all is going well. more later.

Thursday, May 5, 2005 7:26 PM CDT

well! that'll blind ya...eh?

i can give my own pulmicort neb now. i really am a big boy!! :-) life is so good.

please check out a new link that has been posted. for those of you who check on jill and darren, you'll probably have already seen it....but wow. it is www2.caringbridge.org/mi/samuel_johnson
God bless.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005 9:24 PM CDT

we have had such an incredible weekend here. i really want to update more...and i will put on a picture of wren in HIS room! :-) i'm just a little behind due to the fact that our nursing care has just dropped a little. this is a good thing. really. i know we have to do it someday...i just have to go through that adjustment period of learning how to do things without the help of another adult again. only with two kids this time...not just one! :-) in any sense...God has been so good and so faithful. and we are so excited in anticipating the "completion" of His good work in wren in the next couple of months. thank you all for your faithfulness in prayer...and know that we will continue to call upon you for your prayers. not only for us...but for others as well. God bless

Saturday, April 30, 2005 10:13 PM CDT

just thought i'd show you all a picture of our dining room tonight.
you get to solve the riddle...

Thursday, April 28, 2005 3:42 PM CDT

wow. what a day. wren's bronch went great. "picture" perfect. we have 4 pictures of his throat and a well versed dr. to prove it. he very clearly and understandably went through each individual picture and explained what each one meant. so now, i'll tell you! oh yeah, he was only under for a half an hour...very quick very clean.
wren has 3 obsticles to overcome. michael and i had gone up today with the posibility in the back of our minds that he might come out with no trach...not the case. wren's first obstacle is his adnoids and his tonsils. dr. sidman said he has the largest tonsils and adnoids that he has ever seen on a kiddo wren's size....and he does the most tracheal reconstructive surgeries in the upper mid-west. so we just happen to have a boy on our hands who likes to break records. may 18th he is scheduled for a tonsilectomy and an adnoidectomy. he said that if he were to pull the trach right now wren would basically have no airway at all at the top just due to the enormous size of his t and a's. that will keep us 1 day in the hospital.
the second obstacle is a scar tissue factor. he has some that has basically attatched itself to one of his vocal chords and is causing the chord to be unable to open up...also closing off his airway.
the third feat is his floppy airway. unfortunately this has not corrected itself and requires a procedure called a LTR. it's a tracheal reconstruction process where they take some bone from the ribs and open up the top of the airway and the bottom of the airway. to recover from this wren has to be sedated for 1 week and then in the hospital for recovery another 2 weeks. the two surgeries have to be at least 6 weeks apart so we scheduled the LTR for july 13th. he'll be in the cities until august 3rd. here's the clencher. once they do the LTR, they pull the trach and close up the throat...so august 3rd we'll be walking out of the hospital with a new boy. or at least one with less plastic on him. whew. a lot to digest and mikee and i are kind of glad we have a little time to adjust to just that. that's about all i have for now other than wow. praise God. may all the glory due His name be raised. He is the one who has brought us this far. He is the one who has orchestrated absolutely everything. and He is the One in whom we trust. so thank you God...for everything.

Thursday, April 28, 2005 6:21 AM CDT

well, we are off. we need to be at abbott northwest by 8:30, but wren's actual surgery isn't until 10:00. some of you have called to check and you know the specifics in which to pray for...but for length of time on his site :-) i'll just tell the rest of you that it is for his bronchoscopy and laryngoscopy. i'm a little more nervous today than i usually am for some reason. i think as we have gotten a little further and further from living like a medical mishap waiting to happen i've become a little more sensitive, once again, to the magnitude of actually having something done in a hospital. i think i was a bit desensitized before being inindated with it everyday. hmph. in any sense just pray that everything goes smoothly. he has never had a bronch up in the cities before so they get to know wren at his highest. (he has a history of clamping down [ceacing to breathe] when anesthnitized.) oh boy, spelling. i'm just going to throw a whole bunch of letters together in hopes that a word comes out that you understand! ha ha. anyway, signing off until later. God bless. thank you.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005 9:21 PM CDT

okay. wow. i just really am at a loss for words right now. you know, i was cleaning out (nesting) wren's room for about the 10th time yesterday and i very fondly ran across the many many many many many cards we've received from people over the past 2 years...and also many gifts. i cannot express the depth of the love that i feel from knowing how many of you care so intimately about us. these cards and gifts are amazing. it was like a walk through history...and love. thank you. i'm not trying to be gushy tonight at all...but wren's birthday kind of brings it on itself.
thank you job's girls for the surprise gift today! wren LOVES balloons...and soft animals (as you know) very very much. so it was a perfect gift. you girls are going above and beyond what God has called you to do...or maybe you are smack dab in the middle of His will for your life...may He bless you exceedingly and abundantly for your generosity and kind heart. thank you. thank you for thinking of us. :-)
wren's ENT appt. went well today. it looks as though he will not need tubes after all! dr. sidman said that he would re-check him again in the fall/winter to see if, when the cold season comes around again, he might need them then. but for now..he is ALL good.
we brought him to chuck-e-cheese for his birthday. talk about over stimulation! he couldn't take his eye's off of chuckee! anyway, short but sweet tonight. thursday should be a fun appt. hopefully we will come back with a speaking valve!!!!!!!! God bless. and thank you all...again.
happy birthday, son.

tuesday, april 26, 9:56 PM CDT

God has been so faithful!!!!!!
I AM 2 YEARS OLD TODAY!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005 5:07 PM CDT

okay! enough of the sob story...the head is so old news! things are pretty much the same with us over here. enjoying more and more family time with each passing day...aka our nursing care is getting less and less. it is wonderful to be becoming a family again. a lot to get used to. but wonderful none the less. :-) wren is still off the vent. next week we should have a better game plan of how things are going to work this summer in the whole trach removal department. it is getting exciting and that's about all i have to say about that!

wednesday, april 13, 2005

this is wren's official first bruiser not instigated by a health professional. he was walking along and i'm not kidding the corner of the wall just jumped out and whacked him across the head. he all but cried for a minute...minus tears and then happily ran around. me being the overly cautious mother, of course, thought for sure he had a concussion! not so much. :-) then i became very thankful because i know that head wounds have a tendency to bleed like crazy...this one didn't at all. in fact we had an ICU nurse visiting that night (friends of ours) along with wren's regular nurse, and the ICU nurse commented on how she thought it looked like it had already scabbed over the minute it happened. i chalk that one up to God. so, thank you God. he was definitely no worse for the wear! maybe another scar to put on his belt notch. he has been doing phenominal...he has been off of the vent since wednesday. just on humidity at night. really wierd in our world. i took him to the mall for the first time this weekend. bad weekend for that! it was rainy and everyone else in mankato had the same idea. he had a blast though. and today we went to grandma's and grandpa's all day. he had a good time with that too. well, it's late and emma's sleepy so that means i better hustle. have a great day. oh, and i had someone call this week and let me know that none of my latest entries are being kept in the journal history....i guess i must have used up my storage space. i like to talk...what can i say?!?! it will all be over soon...YAY!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 11:51 AM CST

wren is a funny cat. he'll stand independently when he doesn't realize he is standing independently. as long as he is doing something he's good. if he is trying to do it on his own he gets a little stage fright and falls over or doesn't even try. here he is standing AND playing the drums! everyone is doing well. we are staying healthy...well, all but the nurses. it seems all the adults are getting sick now so we've hit the tired phase in our house! :) but still all is good! spring is starting to hit the air and we are getting cabin fever. this summer is going to be a blast!

Tuesday, February 8, 2005 10:54 PM CST

nicole! :) you hit it right on the button. i'll take a picture of my "completed" project...once i learn how to complete it. ha ha. sorry for the delay in updating. truth is, thankfully, there is not much to update. we are getting and staying relatively healthy. YAY. i had to take a couple of pictures of a man after my own heart. he LOVES the piano...and the drums. which i hear the two go hand in hand. anyway, that's about all for now. i know there is more to write, but it'll have to wait! so for now, enjoy the pictures.

Monday, February 7, 2005 10:01 AM CST

good morning! things are starting to shape up at our house now. we haven't had any issues with the bleeding since we stopped the omnicef. his cold also seems to be getting better. he is bored and unamused with being on the vent for so long. he knows, now, when you are holding a "nose" in your hand and you start to take the vent off, that he is 2 seconds away from being free. he gets all excited and claps his hands and starts bouncing and clenching his whole body into a tight "excited" ball we call it. then as soon as you set him on the floor he crawls as fast as he can in the opposite direction of the vent. smart little cookie.
we were supposed to go in today for a pre-op physical. no, he is not being operated on, but we were scheduled tomorrow to have a baer done. now, i'm not sure what that stands for...but i do know some of the tests he was going to have included and EEG, EKG, ECHO, and ABR. if some of you are medically inclined and i was redundant on any of those (such as the EKG and ECHO) i apologize. i know they are seperate but somewhat the same. i know the ECHO is the ultrasound of the heart, and i think the EKG is just a monitor of the heart. they are checking to see if he has any pulminary hypertension before we start to plan for his decanulation...which first we need to rid ourselves of the vent! the EEG is to check his brain and make sure there is no apparant seizure activity or places that might be causing any seizures. he is currently on a theraputic dose of phenobarbitol, and we just had his levels checked last week. his were 18 and normal is 15-40 i believe. so, just a check to see if there is anything to be concerned about. then, of course, the ABR is an automated brain stem response to check his hearing. we are going to double check to is how much, if any, hearing loss is there. last year they did register some, but it also could have been a maturation issue. so you can be in prayer that God has just miraculously healed his hearing. :) in any sense, we are going to reschedule these tests because of his illness this past week. they want to be sure that he is at a base line of his "normal" health before they run the tests. and although he is doing remarkably better...baseline i know he is not...yet. soon.
that is our update for now. lots of love to all and thank you for keeping us in your prayers this past week. it was kind of a tough week.
God bless.

Monday, January 31, 2005 8:26 AM CST

okay, update. lastnight right after wren fell asleep the blood started again. you know, i know i learn something new everyday with this kiddo, but i just wish learning something new meant finding the answer. i called his dr. and we powowed on the phone for a bit trying to figure out what the heck (sorry for the blatant word) is going on. we narrowed it down to a couple things. a. we have him on a med he's never been on before, omnicef, for his ear infection. well, right there on the label it says, "it may cause stool to look blood tinged." it also says if you experience any abnormal bleeding or pain to discontinue immediately and call your dr. ha ha. abnormal, yes. anyway, whether or not it was a generic label, we decided to dc the omnicef and switch him to zithromax. then, as a prophylactic means we started him up on the tobi neb again. which is just somewhat of an antibiotic neb. this is in case anything traumatic happened that we were unaware of in his throat or beyond...it will help prevent any infection from growing. then, just in case it happens to be a g.i. bleed or an irritation to his tummy we started some prevacid. so it was either that or else bring him up to abbot lastnight to get scoped. but when we called up there they didn't have any beds open in the ICU. apparantly they CAN put a vent patient on the "floor" which just means the regular part of the hospital...but all of us really felt like it was not that urgent. if soemthing would have happened overnight, we could have had him transferred up there. it was in our comfort level just knowing that the bleed wasn't coming from the trach. i think that we can handle most everything else (knock on wood), but lung hemorrhages are kind of a different story. so...anyway, with my brain spinning i finally reached the point this week where i needed to get some fresh air. or at least grociery air. so i stepped out and went grociery shopping until 1 a.m. this morning. sleep is such a thing of the past! ha.
we're all doing better today. no bleeding yet. and we actually took him off the oxygen this morning which tells me his cold is getting better. how does that go? this, too, shall pass. God bless.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005 8:12 PM CST

"He often weaveth sorrow and I, in foolish pride, forgets He sees the upper, and I the underside."

Wednesday, January 26, 2005 9:59 AM CST

quote for the day:
"Oftentimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride, forget He sees the upper, and I the underside."

i took this from Corrie ten Boom's biography that i am currently reading. i was kind of chuckling this morning to myself. not the kind of "you're so funny" chuckle, but the more or less "epiphany" kind of chuckle. and i wondered, do you suppose God is somewhat of a humorous metaphorical God (in some ways. i realize he is very much so a literal God)? i was thinking about how women, when they are pregnant, have their bodies stretched and contorted beyond that which you would ever think humanly possible. and i know that most if not every woman thinks in those last few weeks, "it is physically impossible for me to get ANY bigger!" yet, you do. so as i was listening to emma howel in the bathroom over the fact that she wanted to comb the back of her hair, not me, i felt this churning inside my stomach. you know the one that makes you want to evacuate the premises as fast as your legs can carry you. so i started evaluating the churning wondering why. i do that often to try to exterminate...or at least eliminate stress. i came up with two conclusions. a.) i was either tired of hearing the wanting screams of a child who is still learning that life is not all about her, or b.) i was jealous that i, too, could not lay down on the floor and tantrum my way out of something that wasn't what i wanted. (i.e. i REALLY REALLY want a vacation to Hawaii right about now...[no kids!]). to be honest with you, i never came up with a conclusion. maybe it was a little of a AND b. but never the less, i was brought back to the stretching of pregnancy, and i wondered if that too was a way that God prepares a mom especially, but also a dad, to face the challenges of rearing children...

because boy do i feel STRETCHED today! but i know that the stretching causes endurance, and endurance growth, and growth cause all sorts of good things. food for thought!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005 7:56 PM CST

we had a fun filled, busy, tiring day today! we took wren up to abbott for a swallow study. it's fun to bring him to places where people realize his medical complexity, but also realizes what a miracle he is for coming out so incredibly unscathed from his prematurity. so, anyway, we found out all the information we needed to know from this study. very interesting to watch. they set an xray machine up next to his face, and then you get to watch him swallow in somewhat of a video study. he's a superstar. both kids came with us today, and emma was very excited to see wren's "new hospital" that is very much so directed towards kids. she skipped around the halls and around every corner on every floor there was a toy of somesort or other to play with, and the color scheme of it all says, "welcome here kids!". after we were done with the study, we decided it was time for wren's first mall of america excursion. that's right. we're a bit loco in the head, but we had a family fun time anyway. neither child took a nap today, and wren ate about 1/4 of an amount of what he normally eats...yet, that smile never leaves his face. for all of you out there who don't have a medical mystery of your own, i gotta tell you as a parent it's kind of fun. :) i've been on both sides so i can be blatantly honest about this. walking through the mall you see people who glance at wren in his "kart" and glance away, and then stunned glance back again, and then nervously glance away as if to say, "i'm not going to stare." and then as you pass them they oh so subtly will divert their eyes back once again to get another look. people try not to stare, but i think natural curiosity gets the best of you, and i just laugh because i'm not in the least bit offended by their stares. in fact, i'm quite proud! then you'll have a few bold ones who will actually come and talk to you and ask about his condition and when he will be off of the machines if ever. they are the easy ones to talk to because they are just down right curious and want to know. then you have the over acheivers who are still uncomfortable, but who want to act as if everything he has connected to him is completely normal so they go overboard and just act....well, goofy i guess. all three are fun to interact with. like i said, i've been on the other side so i know what people are thinking. anyway, that's my funny story for the day! emma is just incredible with her brother. i love to watch her interact with him, and to her, he is completely normal. i think this will give her an advantage in life when she runs across someone who might have a disability of some sort or another...it will be normal and okay to her. i also think her friends have a good advantage, because they all act normal around wren, but still know the "rules" for a child with medical needs. meaning, they all automatically wash their hands before touching him...no one has to tell them anymore. they know that his equipment is important to him and that it's not a toy, but also that it's nothing to be frightened of. why i'm rambling tonight, i don't know. i'm just cotton pickin' proud of my family i guess. :) wren's next appt. will be on the 8th of feb. for a sedated ABR. but i'll probably update before then. oh yeah, and i brought the camera today to take pictures, and wouldn't you know it, my batteries were dead! ugh. well, have a spectacular night! :) wasn't the sun wonderful today?????

Saturday, January 1, 2005 4:46 PM CST

cuddle my puppy! i have not written in quite a while, but boy you should see the things i can do now! i get into EVERYTHING, and i can hear mommy barking in the background, "i never had to child proof the house with your sister!" ha ha ha HA. you do with me. i've had this onslought of the "crud" which i've heard most everyone is dealing with right now. it kind of gravitates from one thing to another, so i've gone from my nose running, to my drool running, to my...well derriere. well, not actually my rump running, but everything in it. anyway, i've proudly spoiled 3 outfits today, and have let out some "explosive flatuence" as it has been so affectionately named by my family. mommy says that the world is challenging her into her RN before she even sets foot in a classroom. (apparantly i encouraged her to enroll in school this upcoming year.) my pediatrician is out on vacation for a couple weeks, and we just switched dr.'s from all those that are "familiar" with me. so we've culminated the professional advice of those who know about my conditions with mommy's "know-how" of how i am, and have, so far, come up with some do-able treatments. and i'm still at home. ahhhh. i must say, from what i remember, i don't miss the 4 pastel colored walls of the institute! home is a much better place for me. i guess i really didn't have much to say, but i want to update every now and then just to keep you posted. oh yes, and i will now independently stand for a few seconds. :) i'm getting the hang of it pretty quickly so look out worl 'cuz here i come!
love wren

Wednesday, December 29, 2004 8:45 PM CST

well...where to begin! we have had just a whirlwind of a couple days here. we are in the process of switching a couple of wren's dr.'s to pediatric specialists up at abbott northwest in the cities. this is exciting and a bit unnerving all at the same time. you get very "used to" the way things are...yet we know that change can be good. we saw a new ENT (ear, nose, throat) yesterday. he started our whole visit out with an astounding prediction. not gaurenteed...but yet the words were spoken! he said he was guessing that wren would not only be off the vent by spring, but most likely decannulated (rid of the trach) by summer. WHAAAAA???? i know that's what you're thinking...because i thought the same thing. his first question to us after studying wren for a few minutes was, "andy WHY is he still on the vent?" to which i replied that I was attatched to the sucker. anyway, he set a game plan in motion for us starting with dc'ing the cuff on wren's trach...YAY...no more trach destroying. and then moved onto dc'ing the tobi neb that wren has been on. 1 med down! he had the most wonderful things to say about all the docs that we have been dealing with in rochester...but said he thought we would be pleasantly suprised at being at a children's hospital. then early early this morning we arose and headed back up again to see the pulminologist. he is double board certified as both peds and neonates for pulminary issues. this morning started out with an xray of wren's lungs. i can't remember the name of the machine...but the nurse informed me that wren was going to be a very very unhappy boy when they strapped him into it...and now i'm kicking myself because i wish i would've taken a picture. okay, lets see if i can describe it. it is somewhat of a school desk looking thing, only the top is not slanted...just flat. and it stands a little higher up. in the middle is a hole big enough to fit a little guys legs and hips into (kind of like a play-saucer) and there is a thin saddle type seat that the kids straddle, so when they are sitting in it the desk part comes to about the hips. then there is this plastic tube like thing that surrounds the babe. it looks a lot like the tubes you send your money through at the bank. they pull the arms straight into the air and enclose this tube around them very very snuggly. a lot like a burrito...or it actually looks like you tried to shove your kid into the bank tube thingy. there is a hole in the plastic where the face is, of course, so the poor little things can breathe. :) anyway, that's a general idea of the mechanism. so they get wren sitting in the pony style hole, which i'm sure he loved because he loves riding his horses! and they lift his arms up, all the while warning me that he is going to start screaming, and then they close the plastic tubing around him. i pretty much laughed my butt off because wren just sat there and looked around as if to say, "well, this is rather precarious!" but nevery, not once cried. :) am i a proud mama or what??!!!??!! the nurses were just astounded. they said that wren was just a perfect baby and they couldn't believe he wasn't crying. :) again, i just beamed. what a great kid. so then we head upstairs to the respiratory clinic and after we had sat down, a family walked through the doors to leave and they had a little 21 month old boy who had been born preemature sitting in a kid kart that matched wren's loaded with a vent and suction machine and all the get out that wren's is loaded with and he also had a trach. michael and i looked at each other and said, "they do exsist!" you really would have thought we were looking in a mirror! :) not that i'm happy someone else is also dealing with the same situation...but i'm happy someone else is dealing with the same situation! anyway...sorry about the tangents. we got back into the office, and again the first question asked was, "and WHY is he still on the vent?" we still have no reply for that one. and this dr. proceeded to speculate that wren would not only be off the vent by spring, but decanulated by summer. now i know these two docs did not converse between lastnight and this morning so to hear two of them say almost exactly the same thing gave me more hope of the future than i think i've dared to hope before. and not only that...but of the near future! then he went onto rearrange some of wren's meds and give us his game plan for the coming months! it is so nice for me to look and see what the next step is we are striving for. wren will go back at the end of january to have a sedated ABR (hearing test), and then in 2 months will go for a follow-up in pulminology. they said they would like to see him off the vent during the days by then. just on it for nap time and bed time. then in march we will go in for a laryngoscopy and the ENT will get a good look at wren's throat to see if any reconstruction will be necessary before decanulation. he has performed the second most trach reconstructions in the nation, and has only not succeeded in 4 of them. pretty impressive. then after he has been completely weened off of the vent both days and nights for a few weeks, we'll start the process of capping his trach and letting him breath through his mouth. after that, the next step would be the wonderful pulling out of the trach! :) we have done a lot of flip flopping the past two days with many of the things of wren, but it is so exciting. i'm adjusting my mind to what life may be like 6 months from now. what a year. praise God and i thank you all so sincerely for your continued prayers for our family. perseverence. what an awesome attribute of God. sorry this got a little lengthy and long (boy was that redundant) but i thought i would just pass along some of the updates of medical stuff. :) God bless. have a great night.
oh yes, and everyone was VERY impressed with how good wren looks. they said, and i quote, "you are very blessed. i've seen a couple 22 weekers look this good, but not many come out as unscathed as he has." Praise God.

Saturday, December 25, 2004 8:23 PM CST

it doesn't matter the size of the horse! wren will mount anything that rocks like one. this is one of those big horses that is suspended by springs...thank you karina (one of wren's old nurses) for the special gift! both emma and wren love it. both kids were superstars this weekend. we got to travel and do all the "family" things that we've never done before...and they were troopers. wren was off of his vent for the majority of the time this weekend and held out like a champ. i even pulled a big whoops and decanulated him today in the car (pulled his trach out), so mikee and i got to do an emergency trach change in the midst of the busy road and over the back of the car seat! what fun. wren could have cared less. i don't think he even realized his trach came out. anyway, that was probably the most excitement that we had all weekend. i posted a few pics from around the places we visited! hope everyone out there had a very merry Christmas! God bless.

Thursday, December 23, 2004 9:56 PM CST

well! we got to officially start wren's first "Christmas at home" today! :) what a fun day. it started out with a very special visit from jerry (the puppy who's bound for new york). as you can see he fell asleep in emma's arms, just like a baby. :) too cute. after that we had michae's godparents over for some gift opening. boy did wren have fun with the paper....check out the pics. :)
tomorrow we will be heading up to hutchinson for my parent's side...wren's first trip to grandma and grandpa's house...then on saturday we'll go to eagle lake for mikee's side. wren's first trip to that g'ma and g'pa's house! exciting weekend planned. please pray for protection for wren and for our family. cold germs travel very easily and we are stuck between keeping him confined and wanting him to experience life. :) thanks...and merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 23, 2004 8:16 AM CST

oh, i have so much i want to write...but for now it is going to have to be short. first of all, PRAISE GOD for the safe delivery of sophia grace. (www.caringbridge.org/mi/isaacherweyer) and secondly, i was just informed of another preemie born in rochester. her name is macy ann and she was born at 27 weeks. her mom's water had ruptured at 23 weeks, and they were able to prolong the delivery for another 4 weeks praise God. but she and her family still are in need of a lot of prayer. as is with wren, i think praying against the "normal" preemie difficulties would be great...i.e. lung development, retinopathy of the eyes, brain bleeds, the intestinal track functioning properly, catching onto the art of eating and for just the development as a whole. i don't know a lot of details yet, but her webpage is www.caringbridge.org/mn/macyann
thank you again for your prayers and i hope you all have a very merry Christmas.
erin

Tuesday, December 21, 2004 3:29 PM CST

in case you don't have the link...or it disappears from the bottom of wren's page, jill and darren's little girl should be coming into the world today. check it out...
www.caringbridge.org/mi/isaacherweyer

keep them in your prayers!~

Saturday, December 18, 2004 2:59 PM CST

i've been thinking a lot about this holiday season, and one phrase that keeps running through my mind and striking my heart is patient suffering.
patient suffering....patient suffering.
describing Christ's love for us. patient suffering. describing his crucifixion on Calvary. patient suffering. describing Him as He waits upon His throne in heaven for us to turn our hearts towards Him. patient suffering. describing the heart-ache that he must feel as He thinks about what a costly gift He gave to you and to me waiting for us to just receive...and yet we toil...and yet we make excuses...and yet we ponder our choices. a gift. if someone were to show up at my doorstep with the most precious gift they could give, and i left them standing there on the steps while i decided on whether or not it was worth my recieving...on whether or not it would benefit me or just hinder me...on whether or not it was real all the while it was staring me in the face. it was fathomable. it was obvious. it was tangible. it was being held out to me by the very hands of the one who sacrificed all that they had to give it to me...knowing the only reason they gave it was because it would complete me and make my life better. if one of my closest friends risked all that they had for this one gift to give to me, and only me. this gift was made for me. they had me in their minds while putting this gift together...could you imagine the heart ache they would feel to have me frown, shake my head, and close the door? i thought of Jesus the other day. more than i've ever thought of Him before. i thought of Him as a man and it made me weep...to the point of bringing me to my knees. i've always had this picture of heaven, and how it is going to be when i face my Savior for the first time...for the rest of eternity. i picture a magnificent diety. i picture a brilliance of light. i picture the cherabim and seraphim circling the throne crying, "Holy! Holy! Holy is the Lord!" i picture the angels in celebration. i picture new creations prostrated before the throne of God. but the other day, for the first time, i pictured Jesus' hands. and i was stunned. i was stunned because all of a sudden the realization hit me of the sacrifice GOD had made. Jesus is man incarnate. He died on calvary and rose again on the third day. the tomb was empty! and it hit me...Jesus is now in this human body. He still bears the scars from the sacrifice He made...and as far as i know, forever more will. when we die, God has blessed us with a glorified body...but what of Jesus? we reap the benefits from His pain. we recieve the gift of eternal salvation because He loved us. no more suffering. no more tears. no more night. then i pictured his feet. and as i knelt there and imagined what it would be to fall on my face before Him, and to touch even the tops of the sandals and His feet i could see the holes he bore from the nails. and i wondered, "Lord, will you always bear those holes?" but to touch them was to touch the promise He made. i could see the hem of His robes. and i thought of the woman who was hemmorhaging who reached out to touch His robe. believing in her heart that just one touch from His robe, and she would be healed. but he knew. he knew, and he blessed her saying, "your Faith has made you whole." oh to have the faith of a child. to be so utterly dependant upon His leading. my heart was filled with longing. my eyes were filled with sorrow, and i felt my heart crushed beneath the burden of the sins of mankind. i felt the tearing because of our foolish generation. i felt responsible for the choices we've made...the trivialization of God that we so lightly take into account. God forgive them for they know not what they do. we praise God when our lives have been fulfilled with the pleasures that we seek, and we question him when something has been stripped from us. our generation encourages every act of immorality, tolerates every form of idolitry, and curses any moral boundries that might infringe upon their "right" to do whatever they please. what a sad and crass world we've become. yet, my heart breaks because they don't know. they don't see. and they've been lied to and disillusioned by the vision of happiness. thinking that if they put themselves first and do everything in their power to fulfill their desires...it is here they'll find peace, and contentment, and happiness. i know that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the principalities of this world. patient suffering is Christ waiting for us to turn to Him. oh, how He can fill every longing that you have if you would only ask. if you would only open your heart and ask Him to be the Lord of your life. if you would repent and turn from your sin...He is there to carry you. this is my one Christmas wish...that the world may see and may know who Christ truly is...and all that he came to bring.

Thursday, December 16, 2004 4:42 PM CST

sorry it's been so long! things are still going well here...i'll write a better update later! right now we are on our way up to rehearse with the kids for the Christmas program. :) but here are a couple cute pictures of the growing pups! they are getting very big and VERY cute and cuddly. next week i think we are going to take dixie for a half day or a day and a couple pups with us...should be fun! all right. more later. :) God bless

Sunday, December 12, 2004 4:32 PM CST

i received a new hat and mitten set from one of my nurses, and mom wanted to show off some of my funny faces! :) i really just worked my hardest to get the things off...frankly i don't find them functional at all. just interesting. :) check out the looks i give!

Thursday, December 9, 2004 10:12 PM CST

i'll put the feet pictures back on, but i wanted to put a couple on from our day today, also.
there is a man named Ned who publishes the "Peef" books. last year was the first year we were able to be involved, but he invited the families from the Ronald McDonald House up to they Hyatt for dinner and then to watch the holidazzle parade. he did the same thing this year, only we got to watch it from the windows of the Barnes and Nobles book store and when we were done, each child got to choose one book from the store that they wanted. what an incredibly kind and generous man. and thank you to the RMDH for letting us be involved once again, even though we aren't staying at the house right now. :) what a fun day! we also went and visited dixie and her pups and the 8th floor of the now Marshall Fields building. they did "Snow White" as their theme this year. aside from driving in circles for a half and hour looking for 12th street it was a wonderful day! :)

Thursday, December 9, 2004 10:19 AM CST

i thought this would kind of be fun for everyone. i found this key chain a few weeks ago at old navy and when i looked at it i thought, "hmmm, i'll bet that would have fit wren's foot at birth!" so michael bought it for me and i brought it home to compare. these were his foot prints at 5 days old, and look! the key chain flip flop would have fit perfectly. notice how you can still see the fingerprints of God all over his foot. :) i put a comparison picture of his foot now in the photo album. needless to say this key chain follows me everywhere now as a reminder of what God has done. have a great day!

Monday, December 6, 2004 5:46 PM CST

wren had his 18 month appt. today. he's actually 19 months old...but corrected age he is 15. so figure that one out! :) everything looks very good. dr. davis was so impressed with his boyeeness. he is a very very very very busy body and she said, "wow, welcome to the typical toddler boy!" :) that was nice to hear seeing as how everything about wren is anything BUT typical. it's a hilarious blast trying to fill out the pre-exam sheets. they ask questions like, "has your child ever been hospitalized?", or "has your child had any surgeries?" or "what meds is your child taking?" or "does your child drink from a bottle or a cup?" in any sense, i have the distinct regard to ignore half of the questions on there and just put a blunt statement at the end..."wren is unconventionally special." wren has hit a plateau of 20 pounds since....oh, april. :) although HE has changed a ton...his weight hasn't. so we are going to increase his calories again in hopes to boost his growth. in the time since his last appt. he has started crawling, walking along furniture, and taking trials off of the vent...all which expend a little more energy. we'll see what the next few months bring. otherwise, he is a champ. today was the FIRST appt. that mikee and i brought JUST wren in. no vent, no o2 tank, no monitors. a suction machine and a diaper bag were all that accompanied us. what an AWESOME feeling that was! hope you all have a wonderful night, and please remember to keep jill and darren in your prayers.
www.caringbridge.org/mi/isaacherweyer

oh, and check out the new photos!
oh yes...and lately wren has figured out that when dad leaves...he exits via the laundry room. so anytime you take him off the vent and put him down, he immediately sets off on a quest for cleanliness. actually he LOVES being in the garage. go figure. here he is fiddling with his "nose" and just creating mischeif. :) what fun.

Friday, December 3, 2004 10:42 AM CST

what a good day today is. :) if you haven't already, you need to log onto issac's site. www.caringbridge.org/mi/isaacherweyer
and be prepared to be blessed by a miracle of words. and then also be prepared to pray. :)
God bless.

Thursday, December 2, 2004 8:50 PM CST

our decorating party that lasted until 11:00 lastnight seemed to take a little toll on us today! needless to say we were all ready for bed by 8:30 tonight. :) wren thought the Christmas tree was the bomb. apparantly he got very excited this morning when he saw a tree in the place of the where the chair once stood! he is doing much better today, and we are starting to once again increase his time off the vent. it's a slow process when coming out of a cold, but that's okay...he'll catch up again in no time! have a great night!

oh yes, and the funny thing for the day...i walked into the hallway tonight and found wren trying to kiss his shadow on the wall. when i tried to grab the camera to get a picture of it, he got down on all fours and just smiled at me. :) check out the pics. the one of him kissing the wall would have been funnier (is that a word?), but he's still cute. especially with toothpaste on his cheek.

Wednesday, December 1, 2004 10:42 PM CST

capturing the innocense of youth...what a precious sight.

carrie, i would be glad to give you our address, if you email me your email address, i'll send it on over. :)

Tuesday, November 30, 2004 3:04 PM CST

wren has started "blowing kisses" since yesterday. :) cutest thing to warm a mom's heart. although, daddy says he won't do it for long because it's not a "boyee" thing. :) wink wink. still pretty cute if you ask me. :) i think we are starting to near the end of the cold for him. we even had him off the vent for a little while today, and started re-introducing food. (we had to take a break because his sore throat was causing him to gag)...anyway, he picked it up right away again and is doing very well. emma loves being 4. there are so many 4 year old things she gets to enjoy that she didn't when she was 3. like getting 4 mints at grandma's house. i think that is probably number one on her list! :) otherwise the household is holding steady. we are training in 3 new nurses, so keeping busy...but in a good way. have a great week!

Saturday, November 27, 2004 9:02 PM CST

well, wren did catch a cold this week. emma had it, i had it, mikee's getting it, and wren caught it. the good news is he is still at home with minimal help keeping him here! :) we have not been able to take him off of the vent for 3 days because of it, and the stress it causes to his lungs (we've learned from experience!)...so needless to say he is going a bit stir crazy in his little corner. not understanding why he is being quarenteened. but still smiling none the less. he is on minimal oxygen when he is sleeping at night....and not always through the entire night...but a boost here and there. during the day he is fine and off the o2. the poor guy is a snot factory. who knew you could hide so much mucus in one little head?!?!?! but, like i said, we still have him here at home with us and not in rochester (as much as we love you guys...we prefer not to visit you THAT way!) at the hospital. so this means he is getting to be such a big boy! :) we are graduating from air lifting him over...to going by ambulence...to keeping him at home and getting him through. ahhhh...graduation days!
i have a few prayer requests on my mind, if you don't mind me sharing. there is a little girl, eliza mae, who was over in rochester because of a brain tumor. we have never met her, but through another site, i've been watching her and her parents go through the ups and downs. as it looks right now, Jesus is calling her name to come home sometime soon. i would ask that you please be in prayer covering her family. they deeply love the Lord, and so they hold onto the hope that only He gives, knowing that they will someday again be with her...but for many of you, you know that the grief you feel here on earth is inescapable. her website is www.caringbrige.org/ks/elizamae jessica...i hope you don't mind me sharing this. as i was sitting here praying and thinking earlier, what really struck me was when God said we would have trouble here on earth. we would experience heartache and trials. now, i've always been aware of this...but for some odd reason i guess i never really expected that it would actually happen. i'm not turning this on me. i'm thinking of the box that someone must feel when facing the heartache of losing a loved one. i sat and watched emma sleeping lastnight after i got done reading eliza's site, and thought of what nathan and jessica must be feeling at that moment watching eliza sleep...not knowing how much longer they would have those precious moments. yet, in their hearts knowing that her suffering here on earth has been endured long enough. as a parent you cannot escape the heartache from the moment you find out the trial is present. you ache knowing that you are going to watch your child endure things that are just simply painful and hard. you ache at the thought of losing your child and feeling that void where they should have been. you ache at knowing your life will never be the same either way...you just cannot escape the heart ache. but for those of us who know and rely on Jesus, you also know that He is the only way you are going to survive. He is the only One who can pull you through. and He is the only One who can deliver that promise that someday...we will all live in His perfect presence in eternity where we will no longer see or feel suffering. and for those of you who have already been through this whether it be a child or a parent or a friend or loved one, you know that the call of heaven draws nearer to your heart with every breath. you know that it won't break your heart to say good-bye when Jesus calls your name...because we know what and Who is waiting for us on the other side. this world holds nothing for us...all but the promise of heaven. so nathan and jessica...jill and darren...gil and nicole and all of you who have already seen this, thank you for showing us what it is to keep our eyes on Jesus, making the things of this world seem dim, and keeping our focus on where it needs to be. on our Ultimate goal. Jesus.
i would also like to ask for prayer for a dear friend of mine, nicole, who also lost a baby this past week. for those of you who know her...she is such an incredible support and just all around amazing person. she eminates with the love of Christ both in her eyes and being...and also in her actions. she is selfless and caring and would go to the ends of the earth to help a friend...or anyone for that matter...in need. even through this storm, she has kept her eyes heaven bound...but it is rocky. and sometimes you just really need that covering of prayer from others when you don't have the strength to do it yourself. so i would ask that we all just remember her and her family...as she has so often remembered me.
it has been a rocky week for many people. i've heard of so many who could use prayer...and it draws me to my knees where i need to be. i won't go into a detailed list other than what i've already said, but i want to thank you in advance for being faithful not only to our family...but to the families who we come in contact with. please also continue to remember jill and darren. it's easy after a couple months to pass off the vigilence thinking that because it's not so fresh it might be not so needed, but i think now more than ever prayer covering for them is needed.
God bless you tonight. and remember...each day and each breath is a gift from the Lord. Thank Him.

Friday, November 26, 2004 2:46 PM CST

okay, okay, okay. i have two comments for you...#1...can we say ants in the woodwork?!?! i had no idea there were that many of you who checked in on our little man on a daily basis...or even weekly. the second comment i have to say is...wow, ego stroke. i honestly wasn't searching for that much love or attention or approval, but boy you all sure do deliver!! :) thank you for the both of them. it is decided in my heart after all you have written that i'll keep going...at least until we rid our lives of some of these machines because now i see how important it is for those of you who have been praying for us and for wren to see him through to fruition. :) to see God's handywork "completed" in him. and we all do know that He who began a good work in you, us, him, will be oh so faithful to complete it. :) i just hadn't a clue that we were so loved by so many. thank you all very very very much....have a great rainy day and i hope you didn't get mauled by the crowds! :)
erin

Wednesday, November 24, 2004 9:14 PM CST

i just wanted to take a minute to list all that i am thankful for...in light of the holiday season. i may be kind of cheaky...but i believe in speaking those blessings out loud. :)
first of all i, of course, am so thankful for this beautiful country that God made. for the freedoms we enjoy, and for the prosperity that He has given. i am thankful that we can live side by side as americans with different views, yet, learning to love each other despite our differences. and so often it is such a learning process. i am so very thankful for my family. for the people who support me on a daily basis...who support us. for the love and protection we feel from so many of you around us. i am thankful for my nurses who come and help us day in and day out 24 hours a day (usually)...to help us through until we can stand on our own again. i am thankful for the heart that God has created in me since the coming of my children. how with each passing year and each passing trial and triumph he stretches me and causes me to see more of who He is. i've been feeling more and more lately how rocky this world seems. people taking "justice" into their own hands...and it's hard to watch and see...but it also reminds me to keep my eyes on God knowing that He holds the very smallest blade of grass in the palm of his hands. i am thankful for every step that God has set out before us, knowing exactly what we'll need to make it through the next. i'm thankful for friends...and i am so thankful for those of you who have touched us that haven't even known us except through wren.
just so some of you know, i'm not sure how much longer i'll continue to do wren's site. i've been thinking more and more lately...and i know some of you check, but i don't know how often. let me know what you think. please. i don't mind doing it at all...but i know that it costs money for the caringbridge foundation to keep it running. and i know there are some families out there who maybe could use the site and money more than us. i won't stop cold turkey. i'll still do a few more entries, and i'll forwarn you before i do. like i said, let me know if it's a yay or a nay. group decision! :) lots of love to all and i hope you all have a happy thanksgiving.
erin

Sunday, November 21, 2004 11:49 AM CST

here they are...cute, huh? :)
thank you to everyone who was there this morning. michael and i really wanted to be able to thank the church family personally...but i don't know that either of us would have been able to speak. it was very touching and heartfelt, and i don't think i'll forget it as long as i live. you all have been a true testimony as to what it is to hold the children of God's church up in prayer and to cover them and bring them up in the family of God. thank you for allowing us to be on the recipient end of it. lots of love to each and every one of you. thank you.
michael, erin, emma and wren

Friday, November 19, 2004 6:24 AM CST

7 is our final number! :) 2 girls and 5 boys. they are all doing well. i had the wonderful opportunity to see number 6 come into the world. she was a beautiful tri-color. pretty cool to see! anyway, hope everyone has a great and gloomy day. watch a movie and make some popcorn! and just in case you missed it yesterday or earlier, wren is being dedicated on sunday at Evangelical Covenant Church in North Mankato...Carol Court. it will be at the 8:30 a.m. service! anyone and everyone is invited. God bless.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004 3:44 PM CST

well, here is a last minute plan! we are planning on having wren dedicated on sunday. yup, that's right. we are bringing him in public! so, if you are up for it anyone and everyone is invited. :) it will be held at Evangelical Covenant Church up on Carol Court in North Mankato. it will be during the 8:30 service. in an attempts to somewhat avoid the crowds for him because he still has a low immune system we will be coming a little late and leaving a little early. no offense to ANYONE! it's just amazing how fast germs can spread by hand. so also as a pre-curser we just ask that maybe if at all possible, try to avoid the urge to reach for him. :) it would give our hearts great pleasure to pass him around and let people rub him and touch him, but it would also probably give us a trip to the hospital. the latter we would like to avoid! ha ha. i'm so excited for our church family to finally get to meet the little man they've been praying for!!!!! God bless. erin

Monday, November 15, 2004 1:25 PM CST

well, michael started his new job today up at MSU. it'll be an interesting adjustment! similar but different machines, and he starts work at 7:30 and is home by 4. that part we definitely like! we took dixie in this morning to get xrayed for a guestimate on the puppies. they are guessing around 6, but it was hard to tell because they were all so cutely wound around each other. for the many of you who have been wondering, dixie will be out at the jackson's house to have her puppies and won't come back to us until after they are weaned. cheri breeds the dogs and sells the puppies both as show and as pet dogs. so, we will be without our beloved dixie for just a little while. it was really fun seeing her this morning though. she got excited, we got excited. :) the good things in life.
our supply guy from apria came today and actually took some equipment OUT of the house instead of bringing stuff IN! this is the first of a wonderful and HUGE step for wren. looking forward to the day when we can say sianara (sp?) to the very last piece! YAY. have a great day to all.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004 9:44 AM CST

thank you to the jackson's for your home and time for our family photos. :) we're staying busy here this week. lot's of new things happening to keep our minds occupied! michael will be changing jobs next week after almost 9 years at his previous employer. dixie is now temporarily back at her "other home" getting ready to have her puppies. she'll stay out there until the puppies are weaned and then come back to be with us. emma is getting ready to turn 4 in a couple weeks and is starting to act more and more like a 4 year old and less and less like a 3 year old. wren is still pounding down the food. we are working on trying to get him to drink something from either a bottle or a cup, but he does not seem to care for liquids much. other than that we just keep on chuggin' down this road. looking for possible snow today???? it's what i hear. have a great day!

Monday, November 8, 2004 12:46 AM CST

DID ANYONE SEE THE NORTHERN LIGHTS LASTNIGHT!!!!!!????? i'm originally from virginia minnesota and we used to see them all the time up towards the canadian border. i haven't seen them in 10 years, but boy were they beautiful and spectacular lastnight! what an amazing God!

Sunday, November 7, 2004 0:14 AM CST

wren and emma got to go up on the roof with daddy today to help with the christmas lights. it was a little windy for wren, but emma got a huge kick out of it! wasn't it gorgeous today?!?! hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. love, the eccles

Friday, November 5, 2004 12:39 AM CST

what a beautiful day, eh? wren continues to do well with eating. :) it is such a joy to FEED him! instead of just hooking him up to a tube. the small things you miss! i just wanted to point out that i am adding another link onto the site. the baby's name is Grace, and i'll let you read about her. she is over in rochester's NICU right now. just in case my links don't show up right away...or intermittently...the address is:

www.caringbridge.org/mn/babygrace

God bless. erin

Tuesday, November 2, 2004 3:23 PM CST

i know this will be a praise for many of you...guess who up and decided that he was going to eat 2 tablespoons of sweet potatoes today, and not cough or sputter or have a problem at all?!?!?! praise God for another prayer answered. i told him if he keeps this up, next week he can have some steak. ha ha. maybe a little further down the road...but boy is he figuring the joys of life out! thanks again for your prayers.

Tuesday, November 2, 2004 7:32 AM CST

one more political hoorah to send us out.....(i had to do it!) an email that was forwarded to me...references are at the end. :) remember to vote!

I can't understand it. Maybe you can.
When trying to get all this political stuff straightened out in my head
so I'll know how to vote come November. Right now, we have one guy
saying one thing. Then the other guy says something else. Who to believe.
Let me see; have I got this straight?

Clinton awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Yugoslavia - good...
Bush awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Iraq - bad...

Clinton spends 77 billion on war in Serbia - good...
Bush spends 87 billion in Iraq - bad...

Clinton imposes regime change in Serbia - good...
Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...
Clinton bombs Christian Serbs on behalf of Muslim Albanian terrorists-good...
Bush liberates 25 million from a genocidal dictator - bad...

Clinton bombs Chinese embassy - good...
Bush bombs terrorist camps - bad...
Clinton commits felonies while in office - good...
Bush lands on aircraft carrier in jumpsuit - bad...
No mass graves found in Serbia - good...
No WMD found Iraq - bad...
Stock market crashes in 2000 under Clinton - good...
Economy on upswing under Bush - bad...
Clinton refuses to take custody of Bin Laden - good...
World Trade Centers fall under Bush - bad...
Clinton says Saddam has nukes - good...
Bush says Saddam has nukes - bad...
Clinton calls for regime change in Iraq - good...
Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...
Terrorist training in Afghanistan under Clinton - good...
Bush destroys training camps in Afghanistan - bad...
Milosevic not yet convicted - good...
Saddam turned over for trial - bad...

Ahh, it's so confusing!
Every year an independent tax watchdog group analyzes the average tax
burden on Americans, and then calculates the "Tax Freedom Day". This
is the day after which the money you earn goes to you, not the government.
This year, tax freedom day was April 11th. That's the earliest it has been
since 1991.
It's latest day ever was May 2nd, which occurred in 2000.
Notice anything special about those dates?

Recently, John Kerry gave a speech in which he claimed Americans are
actually paying more taxes under Bush, despite the tax cuts.
Another interesting fact:
Both George Bush and John Kerry are wealthy men.
Bush owns only one home, his ranch in Texas.
Kerry owns 4 mansions, all worth several million dollars. (His ski
resort home in Idaho is an old barn brought over from Europe in pieces.
Not your average A-frame).

Bush paid $250,000 in taxes this year; Kerry paid $90,000.
Does that sound right? The man who wants to raise your taxes obviously
has figured out a way to avoid paying his own.

Today is your day to decide....





Dennis Baumgardt
Racine, WI 53402
Phone: (262) 639-5891
E-Mail: taxmandab@yahoo.com

Monday, November 1, 2004 6:15 AM CST

okay, i've been mean long enough. :) you guys are good guessers, and i didn't mean to mislead you...but i gotta tell you, there is little fun that i get to have control of sitting in this chair, and this was too easy! anyway, we are SO excited to announce that our dixie is going to be having a litter of puppies! she is due on november 20. (the day before emma's birthday.) we're not sure how many, but i tell ya, it is just as exciting (or pretty close) seeing your dog's ultrasound as it is seeing your own. i'm sorry, i hope you are not too disappointed. i wish it would've been me announcing us, but seeing as how our cup is pretty full right now...hopefully that will be a little further down the road. anyway, have a lovely day...and don't be mad at me! :-) love to all.

Sunday, October 31, 2004 7:49 AM CST

congrats GENA on your baby girl!!!!!! :) Congrats Chris, again, on your baby boy!!!!! Amanda and Bria....we're waiting. :)
those of you who are guessing there are two in the picture...you are right...there were actually 3 on the initial shot, and then 2 moved so you really can only see one....keep guessing. you're doing swell. :) i'll post on monday.

Friday, October 29, 2004 7:04 PM CDT

i've had a few emails with people wondering how wren is actually doing! :) so here is a rundown.
last week he got a bit of a cold, but we have muddled through it at home. lots of snot and suctioning, but for the most part he has remained off of his oxygen. he was on for a couple nights while he was sleeping, but then was fine once he was up for the day. and now he is back to being off all the time (of the oxygen.). we have still been working on trials off of the vent. we were up to about 4 hours a day before he got sick, and now are slowly making our way back up again. he gets sick of being tied to the vent now that he can crawl and walk around furniture. yes, that's right, we have a little man who can crawl. challenging is the first word that comes to mind. he is now accepting "tastes" of things in his mouth without choking and gagging, but nothing enough to really provoke a swallow, much less a nutritive substance...but closer than we were a month ago! he has 8 teeth coming in on the bottom and 4 on the top. he is clapping and can sign "more" if he really feels like it. :) he thinks his sister is the most hilarious thing that walks the face of the earth, and would sit and laugh at her all day long if she would stay in front of him that long. he is NOT a sleeper. usually a 45 minute nap is enough for him during the day and after he falls asleep between 7 and 8 he usually wakes up to play for a couple hours in the night and then is up for the day by 5 or 6. we're assuming he gets that trait from his papa Don. he will not sit still for his very life. and i'm not kidding. usually when someone is holding him who has never held him before the first words out of their mouths are "holy buckets! you're not kidding!" most say he is making up for lost time...boy is he ever making it up and then some! i really can't think of much else that is new. he is just all boy and very quickly tiring of being tethered. it won't be long for him to be "done" with the machines...not so much because he'll be ready physically, but more just because we won't be able to contain him. his containing chamber right now is the excersaucer, and he is quickly outgrowing that. :) i smile...but it's because he's sleeping right now, and i can finally breathe! he is a wonderful son, and we are so thankful he is in our lives.
i will be posting a picture in a little while, it's up to you to guess what it is...we'll let you know the answer in a couple days. :)

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 10:05 PM CDT

it is fun for me to look back a year and see what we were doing at this time last year...and to see how God has been so faithful to do what He said He would. this was my entry one year ago. (october 28th)...

here is a question for you. Lord, how do i offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving? a sacrifice of praise? for to me, out of these sacrifices there seems to be no sacrifice at all. from it my heart gathers peace and strength and rest. where is the sacrifice? give me understanding that i may observe Thy law, and keep it with ALL my heart. Lord, i long for you. as i've searched your Word for the truth of our situation God...this is what i've found.
i have prayed in earnest and in faith claiming the life of my son for your kingdom and as a living testimony for You here on earth. i've claimed, for him, a long life. i've held onto his life tighter than anything i've ever held. then i let him go. i placed him in your arms and have said, "Thy will be done." I have danced for joy for his life, and wept in sorrow for his pain. I've thrown countless questions at You - and graciously, You have...at times...given answers - and at other times You have simply calmed my heart. but faithful You have always been. I've accepted death yet valued life. I've drawn closer to You and have become more mature in You, yet my faith has grown to be child-like. i ask that i might receive, yet i let go that i may trust. so, for all the ways that i've searched out to know which way is the "right" way; God, i've found this.
"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven - "
"A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up. A time to week, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing; A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together. A time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace." Ecc. 3:1-8.
and you know what i've found? through it all, God remains faithful. He is still God, and He acknowledges my weakness and pours His grace over my ignorance. In fact, I'd have to believe that He down right throws my confusion as far as the east is from the west. and just as there are seasons in life, i am finding that there are also seasons in my time of trial - and as God changes my heart to be more like His, I belive He guides me through what He wants me to be , and how He wants me to grow in Him. so there you have it!
Yesterday, i was sitting on our living room carpet (dry carpet) thinking about the many many many things i think of each day, when i turned and looked out our patio windows. sitting on the floor of our deck was a wren. not kidding. he looked a little dazed and so i slowly opened the door and gently placed my hands around him and drew him close to me. we talked for a few minutes and then i thought maybe he was ready to leave. so i opened my hands and waited. nothing. he sat there in my palm and looked at me expectantly. so i drew him close again and we talked for a few more minutes. finally, after a quick flight around our living room, i picked him up one last time and brought him to the edge of our deck. he looked at me one more time and then flew away.......huh. i felt like i held a promise in my hand for a few moments. as i was washing my hands i looked down at my fingers and saw one more beautiful promise my husband had given me 5 years ago. the promise that no matter what...for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse...we would always be one. boy do those promises ever hold meaning to me right now! i can't imagine going through this without my michael. he has been everything to me, and a solid foundation during a rocky storm. good things come from the Father's hands...and i've held many many good things in mine. AMEN.
wren got extubated today! and that's about all the news that i have. short and sweet, huh? :) God bless.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 3:02 PM CDT

thanks cousin dom for the clothes!

Scripture Keys for Kingdom Living
compiled by June Newman Davis
March 25, 1973

Prophecy (through author to readers)

"My little children, listen to the Word of the Lord. Begin by casting all your cares upon Me, for I care for you! Let me showyou how to have the desires of your heart. I have often told you. 'No good thing will I withhold from them who walk uprightly.' My Word says it and I am not a man that I should lie! Oh, how I desire to bless you, daily, My little children, but there are those amongst you who would quench these gifts. Believe Me and My Word! My Word is truth and I have sanctified you by My Truth. The power which I gave unto you when I came upon you is part of My omnipotence. It causes Me to perform that which I have sent My word forth to perform. Every Word in My book is 'Yea and Amen,' for I am the first and the last, the Alpha and the Omega. This is why I have set My servant to putting this down in written word. My Word is powerful, dividing asunder the sould and the spirit. It is so pwerful, it created the heavens and th earth. THIS SAME WORD IS NIGH THEE EVEN IN THEY MOUTH! This day salvation has come unto you to show you how to use My Word in your daily lives. Know, as you use these words, they will accomplish that which you have sent them forth to accomplish, if you do not doubt in your heart. Begin each day ministering unto the Most High God and Father of all creation. Bring your adoration and praises before My Throne of Grace. When you praise Me thusly, and more so, I can then pour out upon you My Grace which is sufficient unto thee! Temember to follow the order of prayer in the book of Timothy, for this is good and acceptable in My sight; for I would that all men be saved and ocme into the knowledge of the Truth. I exhort thee brethren, to follow after your blessings upon the shepherds and elders of your church, remembering always to dwell in unity with the brethren. Thereafter, make your requests known unto Me I shall then honor the petitions of your heart, for My Word shall not return unto Me void. I agree with My Word and honor it AS IT IS WRITTEN. The pattern was set down to be so simple...it is so simple that some have looked beyond this simplicity and missed it, for I see th edaily struggles of My children which the enemy so spuriously thrusts upon them. Now you shall see the Glory of the Lord manifested in your daily lives as you speak forth my Words. They are Spirit and the are life unto those whom I have chosen out of this world. Those whom I foreknew are mine, and I shall keep them in perfect peace...the peace which passeth all understanding. So shall this Word be that goeth forth out of My mouth, until I come quickly."
Amen.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 8:12 AM CDT

grandpa and grandma brought me back this hat from disney land this weekend. they said that someday i'll enjoy going there! i've been fighting a bit of a cold if you notice the snot all over my face! :) otherwise things are going well.
Congratulations Chris on having a healthy BIG playmate for me. :) welcome to the world Nolan.
love wren

Monday, October 25, 2004 9:27 AM CDT

after many many phone calls and many many emails from many many of you who so lovingly encouraged me, i just wanted to write a note of thanks. i also want to say, i'm not going to revoke my apology and become all political...but i do want to post an article written FACTUALLY about the war and history with iraq. it was passed along to me from a friend of mine, and i found it very intruiging. which ever way you choose to vote and whomever you support, it is just information. so, if you are not interested, you might want to change sites now....just a forwarning. :) sources included. taken from the site: (it is a long one, so take your time). there is also a place called "stolen honor for free" in the website. if your computer allows you to download this video clip, may i highly suggest it. it is about 42 minutes long....but well worth it to watch!

http://moorewatch.com/index.php/the_case_for_war/


In my last article, some readers asked me to help explain the reason we went to
war with Iraq. I contend that the situation was very different from the way
Michael Moore depicts the events leading up to the war in his film Fahrenheit
9-11. Moore conveniently leaves out much of history in his version of the story.
Where he shows kids flying kites and men drinking tea, I see an underlying
threat to peace not only in the Middle East but "across the pond" as well. Given
Saddam Hussein's hatred for America, and the fact that he harboured and
supported terrorist, the decision to remove him from power was, in my opinon, an
inevitable necessity. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me first bring
everyone up to speed on a little history concerning Iraq:




In 1991, Saddam Hussein invaded and occupied Kuwait, losing the support of the
United States. The first President Bush assembled a global coalition, including
many Arab states, and threw Saddam out after forty-three days of bombing and a
hundred hours of ground operations. The U.S.-led coalition then withdrew,
leaving the Kurds and the Shiites, who had risen against Saddam Hussein at our
urging, to Saddam's revenge.
As a condition for ending the conflict, the United Nations imposed a number of
requirements on Iraq, among them disarmament of all weapons of mass destruction,
stocks used to make such weapons, and laboratories necessary to do the work.
Saddam Hussein agreed, and an inspection system was set up to ensure compliance.
And though he repeatedly lied, delayed, and obstructed the inspections work, the
inspectors found and destroyed far more weapons of mass destruction capability
than were destroyed in the Gulf War, including thousands of chemical weapons,
large volumes of chemical and biological stocks, a number of missiles and
warheads, a major lab equipped to produce anthrax and other bio-weapons, as well
as substantial nuclear facilities.
In 1998, Saddam Hussein pressured the United Nations to lift the sanctions by
threatening to stop all cooperation with the inspectors. In an attempt to
resolve the situation, the UN, unwisely in my view, agreed to put limits on
inspections of designated "sovereign sites" including the so-called presidential
palaces, which in reality were huge compounds well suited to hold weapons labs,
stocks, and records which Saddam Hussein was required by UN resolution to turn
over. When Saddam blocked the inspection process, the inspectors left. As a
result, President Clinton, with the British and others, ordered an intensive
four-day air assault, Operation Desert Fox, on known and suspected weapons of
mass destruction sites and other military targets.
In 1998, the United States also changed its underlying policy toward Iraq from
containment to regime change and began to examine options to effect such a
change, including support for Iraqi opposition leaders within the country and
abroad.
In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that
Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock,
his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid,
comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including Al Qaeda members, though there
is apparently no evidence of his involvement in the terrible events of September
11, 2001.
It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to
increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep
trying to develop nuclear weapons. Should he succeed in that endeavor, he could
alter the political and security landscape of the Middle East, which as we know
all too well affects American security.



OOOOOPS!!!! Did I forget to put that in quotes? Shame on me. Allow me to
clarify:

You just read part of the Floor Speech of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton on S.J.
Res. 45, A Resolution to Authorize the Use of United States Armed Forces Against
Iraq ,October 10, 2002speech


Sorry about that. I just thought she made it so very clear and concise that I
should include it here. I guess I goofed up, huh? Lest anyone be confused, those
are the words of Senator Clinton, not mine.

Anyway , back to what I was saying:


In my research about this road to war, the more I looked for answers, the more I
found new questions. I began to remember the feelings I had before the invasion
of Iraq and the questions I had back then:


With respect to Saddam Hussein and the threat he presents, we must ask ourselves
a simple question: Why? Why is Saddam Hussein pursuing weapons that most nations
have agreed to limit or give up? Why is Saddam Hussein guilty of breaking his
own cease-fire agreement with the international community? Why is Saddam Hussein
attempting to develop nuclear weapons when most nations don't even try, and
responsible nations that have them attempt to limit their potential for
disaster? Why did Saddam Hussein threaten and provoke? Why does he develop
missiles that exceed allowable limits? Why did Saddam Hussein lie and deceive
the inspection teams previously? Why did Saddam Hussein not account for all of
the weapons of mass destruction which UNSCOM identified? Why is he seeking to
develop unmanned airborne vehicles for delivery of biological agents?

Does he do all of these things because he wants to live by international
standards of behavior? Because he respects international law? Because he is a
nice guy underneath it all and the world should trust him?

It would be naive to the point of grave danger not to believe that, left to his
own devices, Saddam Hussein will provoke, misjudge, or stumble into a future,
more dangerous confrontation with the civilized world. He has as much as
promised it. He has already created a stunning track record of miscalculation.
He miscalculated an 8-year war with Iran. He miscalculated the invasion of
Kuwait. He miscalculated America's responses to it. He miscalculated the result
of setting oil rigs on fire. He miscalculated the impact of sending Scuds into
Israel. He miscalculated his own military might. He miscalculated the Arab
world's response to his plight. He miscalculated in attempting an assassination
of a former President of the United States. And he is miscalculating now
America's judgments about his miscalculations.



Did I goof up again? I guess I did. I forgot to put that last part in quotes
too! Shame on me.(again)


What you just read wasJohn Kerry's Statement on Iraq Before the War TEXT FROM
THE SPEECH JOHN KERRY MADE ON THE SENATE FLOOR October 9, 2002 , (starting with
"With respect to Saddam Hussein") speech

He just explained it so well, and with such conviction!


These two Senators summed up in so many words just exactly what we were dealing
with. After reading those pre-war statements, I guess then none of you could
bring your selves to vote for either of them for President, since Moore claims
that these statement are lies , which led to the deaths of American Service
people , for "no good reason".


The case for war in Iraq is greater than I could possibly explain in just one
short post. I will be posting more on this subject in the days and weeks ahead.
Such subjects as Iraq's relationship with Al Qaeda ( which they will tell you
didn't exist, but did) and the WMD's ( which they tell you didn't exist , but
did) are just too complex to deliver in tandem. I will devote a single article
to each of them very soon.

Sorry for the lame attempt at literary trickery ( I'm sure most of you caught on
quickly) I honestly just have so much stuff to write about, I scarcely know
where to start. These speeches seemed to be a good place to start, since both of
these people will be seeking your vote for President in the near, and
not-so-near, future. In fact , these folks weren't alone in their assesment of
the situatiion. Many folks had things to say about Saddam Hussein and his
regime:


"One way or the other, we are determined to deny Iraq the capacity to develop
weapons of mass destruction and the missiles to deliver them. That is our bottom
line."
President Clinton, Feb. 4, 1998.

"If Saddam rejects peace and we have to use force, our purpose is clear. We want
to seriously diminish the threat posed by Iraq's weapons of mass destruction
program."
President Clinton, Feb. 17, 1998.

"Iraq is a long way from [here], but what happens there matters a great deal
here. For the risks that the leaders of a rogue state will use nuclear, chemical
or biological weapons against us or our allies is the greatest security threat
we face."
Madeline Albright, Feb 18, 1998.

"He will use those weapons of mass destruction again, as he has ten times since
1983."
Sandy Berger, Clinton National Security Adviser, Feb, 18, 1998

"[W]e urge you, after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S.
Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air
and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat
posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs."
Letter to President Clinton, signed by Sens. Carl Levin, Tom Daschle, John
Kerry, and others Oct. 9, 1998.

"Saddam Hussein has been engaged in the development of weapons of mass
destruction technology which is a threat to countries in the region and he has
made a mockery of the weapons inspection process."
Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D, CA), Dec. 16, 1998.

"Hussein has ... chosen to spend his money on building weapons of mass
destruction and palaces for his cronies."
Madeline Albright, Clinton Secretary of State, Nov. 10, 1999.

"There is no doubt that . Saddam Hussein has reinvigorated his weapons programs.
Reports indicate that biological, chemical and nuclear programs continue apace
and may be back to pre-Gulf War status. In addition, Saddam continues to
redefine delivery systems and is doubtless using the cover of a licit missile
program to develop longer-range missiles that will threaten the United States
and our allies."
Letter to President Bush, Signed by Sen. Bob Graham (D, FL,) and others, Dec, 5,
2001.

"We begin with the common belief that Saddam Hussein is a tyrant and a threat to
the peace and stability of the region. He has ignored the mandate of the United
Nations and is building weapons of mass destruction and the means of delivering
them."
Sen. Carl Levin (d, MI), Sept. 19, 2002.

"We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons
throughout his country."
Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002.

"Iraq's search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to deter
and we should assume that it will continue for as long as Saddam is in power."
Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002.

"We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is seing and developing
weapons of mass destruction."
Sen. Ted Kennedy (D, MA), Sept. 27, 2002.

"The last UN weapons inspectors left Iraq in October1998. We are confident that
Saddam Hussein retains some stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, and
that he has since embarked on a crash course to build up his chemical and
biological warfare capabilities. Intelligence reports indicate that he is
seeking nuclear weapons..."
Sen. Robert Byrd (D, WV), Oct. 3, 2002.

"I will be voting to give the President of the United States the authority to
use force - if necessary - to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a
deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave
threat to our security."
Sen. John F. Kerry (D, MA), Oct. 9, 2002.

"There is unmistakable evidence that Saddam Hussein is working aggressively to
develop nuclear weapons and will likely have nuclear weapons within the next
five years . We also should remember we have alway s underestimated the progress
Saddam has made in development of weapons of mass destruction."
Sen. Jay Rockerfeller (D, WV), Oct 10, 2002,

"He has systematically violated, over the course of the past 11 years, every
significant UN resolution that has demanded that he disarm and destroy his
chemical and biological weapons, and any nuclear capacity. This he has refused
to do."
Rep. Henry Waxman (D, CA), Oct. 10, 2002.


"We are in possession of what I think to be compelling evidence that Saddam
Hussein has, and has had for a number of years, a developing capacity for the
production and storage of weapons of mass destruction. "[W]ithout question, we
need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an
oppressive regime ... He presents a particularly grievous threat because he is
so consistently prone to miscalculation. And now he has continued deceit and his
consistent grasp for weapons of mass destruction ... So the threat of Saddam
Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real ...
Sen. John F. Kerry (D, MA), Jan. 23. 2003.

Considering these quotes, the "BUSH LIED" stance is illogical. There are three
possiblities concerning this situation:

1) They all lied. It's a crazy bi-partisan conspiracy to make Dick Cheney rich!

or

2) They were all mistaken. The intelligence community through faulty
filling-in-of-the-blanks, and some deliberate dis-information from intelligence
sources led EVERYONE to the same conclusion. ( Except Howard Dean, and sometimes
John Kerry on alternating Tuesdays)

or

3) They were right. The weapons did exist, the programs were in place, and
during the two month head start granted by France's envoy to the UN security
council, Saddam had a chance to "tidy up" a bit before company arrived, so to
speak.

So , which one is it?

Check back in a few days to read what I have found about the situation.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004 6:06 PM CDT

rocking on his horse is sheer excitement for wren!

Monday, October 18, 2004 3:32 PM CDT

it's hard for me to always exercise wisdom in my youthfullness, and i admit that freely. i don't claim to be the smartest, nor do i claim to always have the right answers. so, when things are brought to my attention, i am obliged to apologize and try to correct myself.
i have received a few comments regarding my entries directed towards my political stance. when i started sharing info concerning polotics, i did it honestly with the intent of sharing information because before i had received them...i didn't know! so, given the opportunity, i thought maybe it was my obligation to pass along the information so that others, too, could know. i seriously spent an entire night going back and forth on whether or not to write on a certain subject and by morning i felt that if i didn't, i wouldn't have been responsible with the information that i had just found. i did not intend to do it with a hateful heart or a vengence in my spirit towards anyone, but with a drive that told me i needed to protect that which was being threatened. i did, and still do, believe that we need to be involved and that we need to pray and vote and do our part in taking care of what God has given us; to stand up for what we believe. but in all honesty, i don't ever want to do it out of line with what God would have me do....so, in that respect, i will no longer use wren's website for political reference. i'm sorry if i offended anyone, and i really did not mean to exploit wren's site. for those of you who have chosen not to read his site because of my views...it is safe now. it will be all wren info. please accept my apology.

Monday, October 18, 2004 9:28 AM CDT

wren continues back to his mischevious self. he destroyed yet another trach yesterday. so, in the midst of all, we are all learning!

Saturday, October 16, 2004 8:25 AM CDT

Whatever your position is on Iraq, Bush v Kerry or the news media, the following is a good reality check

some interesting facts....

Fw: Subject: A clear perspective. Share this with someone who's a Michael Moore fan.

From the wife of my nephew serving in the U.S.Army in Iraq comes these pinpoint accurate facts .

There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January.....

In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January.

That's just one American city, about as deadly as the entire war torn country of Iraq.



When some claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following ..

FDR...led us into World War II.

Germany never attacked us: Japan did.

From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year.

Truman...finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us.

From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,334 per year.

John F. Kennedy...started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us.

Johnson...turned Vietnam into a quagmire.

From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an average of 5,800 per year.

Clinton...went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us.

He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.

In the two years since terrorists attacked us President Bush has

...liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put

nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot,

and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.



The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but...It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.

We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.

It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick.

It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!

Our Commander-In-Chief is doing a GREAT JOB! The Military morale is high!

The biased media hopes we are too ignorant to realize the facts.


Wait, there's more.......................


JOHN GLENN ON THE SENATE FLOOR

Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 11:13

Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Senator Howard Metzenbaum is worth reading. Not only is it a pretty impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the armed services do what they do for a living. This IS a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of the military.

Senator Metzenbaum to Senator Glenn: "How can you run for Senate when you've never held a real job?"

Senator Glenn: "I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program. It wasn't my checkbook, Howard; it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank. I ask you to go with me ... as I went the other day... to a veteran's hospital and look those men - with their mangled bodies - in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job! You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee... and you look those kids in the eye and tell them that their DADS didn't hold a job. You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery, where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch those waving flags. You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn't have a job? I'll tell you, Howard Metzenbaum; you should be on your knees every day of your life thanking God that there were some men
- SOME MEN - who held REAL jobs. And they required a dedication to a purpose
- and a love of country and a dedication to duty - that was more important than life itself. And their self-sacrifice is what made this country possible. I HAVE held a job, Howard! What about you?"

For those who don't remember - During W.W.II, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the Communist Party in the USA.

Now he is a Senator!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004 9:10 PM CDT

me in my cool black hat...keepin' it real!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004 8:31 PM CDT

we had an interesting day...everything that could go wrong went wrong. if it wasn't broken before...it is now. michael and i are asking for prayer right now because we are having an extremely hard time keeping an understanding loving heart...and we'll just leave it at that for now. thanks.

Tuesday, October 5, 2004 2:12 PM CDT

mom tried to blacken in my red eye so if my pupils look dialated or funny...it's her fault!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND!!!! i hope everyone got a chance to get out and enjoy the weather. just to let you know because i know some of you don't have the links logged into your computer, i'm going to be changing a couple over the next few days. if you need an old address from me, go ahead and email me and i can get it to you. i'll update more on wren later! have a great day.

Thursday, September 30, 2004 9:47 AM CDT

well our turkey brought us an unexpected trip to rochester yesterday. he decided to pull his g-tube out when i wasn't looking (the second time that day) and the hole closed up before i had discovered what happened. it only takes a few minutes for it to do so. anyway, mankato didn't have the dialating equipment available for a peds his size, so we went over and saw dr. moir. that was wonderful. we haven't seen him since Christmas, and i gotta tell you he is one of the most incredible dr.'s i've been in contact with. as a whole. anyway, he got the g-tube re-inserted without having to sedate wren. needless to say, it wasn't any more fun to watch and wren DEFINITELY didn't enjoy the experience...but it's done now. wren in a little sore today. but doing fine.
i wanted to share with you also an email that was forwarded to me this morning. it's from a book called "Naked Fruit" by Elisa Morgan...and it goes....
Joy and Happiness. What’s the difference? Happiness comes from the root, hap, which means chance. Happiness is circumstantial. It has to do with life going the way we want it to go and the feeling we experience when that happens. Happiness. It’s a good feeling based on good circumstances. No doubt, happiness is something to enjoy and celebrate when it happens.

But there are so many other moments in life when life doesn’t happen according to our desires.

What then? What can we expect to experience when life turns upside down, when we get nothing we want and everything we don’t want?

Ah…that’s the opportunity for JOY!

Where happiness is circumstantial, Joy is not. Joy is more than happiness. The Old Testament describes Joy as a quality of life as well as an emotion. The spontaneous songs of worship contained in the psalms illustrate this kind of Joy. Joy is something deep that celebrated God’s character despite the circumstances. In the New Testament Joy is often expressed as ecstasy, a feeling of amazement, an uninhibited response to God’s grace and presence in our days. Joy is also connected to hope, to love and to a perspective that sees beyond the immediate to the eventual. Joy takes our eyes off of the battle and puts them onto the resolution and towards heaven.

The bible offers an over all definition to this quality. The fruit of Joy is confidence in God. Joy is confidence in God’s grace, despite circumstances-despite what happens. Joy is the ability to hold up because we know we are being held up. Joy is the conviction that God is in control of every detail of our lives even when those details appear out of control.

Joy is confidence in God no matter what happens.

Because we’ve watched God working in so many moments of life-good, bad, confusing, sorrowful, challenging, unfathomable- when we are joyful, we are wrapped up by our observations and held in place, knowing clearly that just as God came through before, He will come through again.

Joy has a way of buoying us up in the midst of the unpredictable. We’re somehow hopeful, Strong. Clear. Confident. We still wonder. We still worry. We still cry and fear and yearn. But beneath all these feelings is the comforting thought that we are held in God’s hands.

How can we absorb such a concept of Joy when we’ve only lightly tasted life’s terrors. When we are mothers who are still idealistically believe we can stand between the pain and our child, between disappointment and our daughter, between tragedy and our son? When we are women bent on creating a safe world for those we love, a cocoon of predictable provision? Perhaps we can’t completely. But maybe by taking small steps toward Joy in our early parenting days, we can develop a recognition of this fruit and our need for it as life’s steps deepen.

Life is unpredictable and contains many unpredictable moments that happen.

And when they do, Joy is the experience of holding on because we know we are being held.

Joy is vulnerable. It’s not about us getting what we want when we want it. It’s about God and His character-and what we really believe about Him. Such Joy is more that the happiness that happens when life happens the way we want it to. Joy reveals to us what we believe about God. Further…and maybe most importantly…it reveals what we believe about God to those watching and wondering how we’ll respond when life happens to let us down.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004 9:15 PM CDT

:) wren has been off of his oxygen since sunday morning. :) he is doing just wonderful. today we had him off the vent for about 3 hours. outside on walks and playing with his sister. once he is back on the vent, he very nearly decanulates (pulls his trach out) himself trying to pull the vent tubes off. he knows. he's smart and he now realizes just how restricting this "machine" is to him. so...all in all his trials off are going much faster than anticipated. we're just praying that as the cold and flu season approaches, he stays healthy. each time he gets sick it will mean taking a couple steps back...but i believe he will outshine even my greatest expectations! so...once again, we LOVE visitors. but just as last year, if you are sick or if your family has been fighting colds we would so much rather wave at you through the glass. :)

remeber, be in prayer and petition over the FMA. it's mind blowing the ramifications this could have on the family and on marriage. and i must say this, in case some of you are wondering where i come from...there is nothing that anyone could do that would make me not love you as a person. i would openly say that i will not agree with all choices that people make, but it would not keep me from loving the person. i believe in justice and i believe in accountability. i believe that you can love someone, but also hold them accountable to their actions...especially if those actions are in direct opposition to Who Christ is and what He has taught. with that said, pray.

Saturday, September 25, 2004 10:59 PM CDT

Dr. James Dobson writes...
>"Finally, it is imperative that our efforts to make our voices heard be
>supported by concerted and sustained prayer. Not only should we ask
>the Lord for wisdom in selecting a candidate, but we must also pray
>that the man of God's choosing would emerge victorious in the election.
>The writer of Proverbs reminds us that, 'When the righteous thrive, the
>people rejoice; when the wicked rule, the people groan' (Proverbs 29:2).
>



well not to get too political on you, but there is some important information out there that just in case you weren't aware, i wanted to make it somewhat "easy" to become aware. first issues first. marriage.

The God-ordained institution of marriage is under attack in courts across the nation, and your help is needed to save it before the one man-one woman definition of marriage is completely and radically redefined. Homosexual marriage will soon be a reality if you fail to get involved! Go to www.nogaymarriage.com and sign the petition supporting a federal marriage amendment.

there is also a link on Dr. Dobson's website that allows you to look up your own representatives to see where they stand on the issue. i think it is very important to call your states representatives and let them know where you stand on the issue and that it is EXTREMELY important to you. in MN Gil Gutknecht and Mark R. Kennedy are Co-sponsors of the FMA and Jim Ramstad supports it. John Kline, Betty McCollum, Martin Olav Sabo and James L. Oberstar are all opposed to banning Gay marriages. They feel that same sex marriages should hold the same rights as do one man-one woman marriages. from what i understand because it is a political year, most politicians don't like to rock the boat. if we ban together and let them know that we will not stand for this hopefully we can get our voices heard. the number for Washington is 202-225-2472. if you log onto the Focus on the Family website, you can look up the local numbers for our representatives (and your's if you are in a different state.) There is also a space where you can email Gil Gutknecht and i would encourage you to do so.

There is a wealth of information available on the website and i thank you for your patience as i regergitate some political information. i just felt in my heart that if i was provided with this avenue to get info out and i didn't, i wouldn't be acting in a responsible manner with what God has given me. please also be responsible and fight for the moral issues of our country...and please please please make sure you vote this year....we all know how close it was last time, and i'm guessing this time will not be any different!

also, if you would, please pass this information on to all of your contacts...thanks!

on a lighter note, wren was off of his oxygen for the entire day today!!!!! we took him off the vent twice and out for a walk twice, but when he WAS on the vent we didn't have the supplemental oxygen plugged into the back! :) Praise God for answering yet another prayer....He is so faithful. God bless.
erin

Saturday, September 25, 2004 10:21 PM CDT

wren made it from 8:00 this morning until 7:30 tonight without any additional oxygen supplements! we had him off 2 times. the second time, this afternoon, we took him for a walk twice around the block and down to the stop sign. he really seemed to enjoy it. it was such a beautiful day! :) thank you again for your continued prayers. at night, he is still hooked up to the vent and to oxygen. he'll most likely need those two supplements for a while when he is sleeping. God bless...erin

Saturday, September 25, 2004 10:50 AM CDT

wren went for his first walk around the block today WITHOUT the vent or oxygen! he has been doing great with his trials and has actually gone all morning without oxygen hooked up to his vent. he is a busy busy busy boy. have i said that before? no time for sleep...just play and curiosity and i believe he is making up for lost time! he is in the stage right now that he like to see the reaction for every action....which proves to be tiring, but wonderful. those specific prayers are awesome. thanks. keep on praying for lung growth, trachea to harden and open up, and for his oral aversion to be gone. God bless.

Friday, September 24, 2004 11:54 AM CDT

it looks like we might be adding a new member to our household. it's a long story that i'll tell sometime :) her name is dixie and she is just a sweet girl. today is our "trial" day, but i think she likes it here. love to all....

Thursday, September 23, 2004 11:43 AM CDT

so i was changing wren's dirty diaper the other day. this kiddo! you basically have to pin him down with one arm while holding his other half with your leg meanwhile finding some extra legament to grab the diapers and wipes...when i realized, i'm outta hands! i have everything, but how am i going to get you cleaned up and changed without spreading the poop everywhere? so i just said, "you know wren, you are going to feel so much better when i get this icky stuff off of you. if you fight me it's just going to be a lot harder. i'd rather not pin you down to get you clean, but if it's what i have to do then i'll do it!" he, of course, looked at me and smiled and then proceeded to twist and turn and fight. after the sweaty brawl between the two of us i just sat down and shook my head. and thought...

now, i don't believe in my heart that God is looking to and fro about the earth for someone to pin down and smite, but i do believe that God will walk you through unimaginable circumstances to bring your heart to His. before i had wren, i know i've told this story before, i prayed and i prayed that God would do whatever it took to make my heart completely His. I know he answered that prayer...but i believe sometimes He must feel like He is pinning me down as i fight and scream to get out of this mess when all He is saying is, "Stop! Take my hand and let me walk you through this instead of fighting me so hard." "I'd rather not pin you down to get you clean and to shape your heart, but if it's what i have to do...then i'll do it!" only He does it with the utmost love and glorification in mind. i'd rather be pinned down by God anyday than to run around in my messy "pants".
have a great day!

Wednesday, September 22, 2004 1:33 PM CDT

check out my swollen gums! lots of teeth coming in...yet, i still don't complain!

we had a wonderful visit from the neighbors today. judy and taschi came down. don and judy own 3 beautiful great danes and one cute little mutt pup. anyway, emma's favorite thing lately is to walk taschi down the neighbor's driveway and back...i think she feels safe next to taschi...wouldn't you? :) wren didn't know what to think, but he was very enthralled!! i told him next summer we can all go down together to visit the puppies. first we'll get rid of the machines. what a fun day in spite of no nursing! thank you judy. :)

Tuesday, September 21, 2004 6:13 PM CDT

this is his, "oh mom! don't embarrass me!" look. :) i'm so good at that!

Monday, September 20, 2004 10:29 AM CDT

we had a busy busy weekend here. michael flew out to reno on thursday for 5 days so i got to spend a lot of time with family. aunt nina flew in for the week and with all the boys gone we had fun doing "girl" things. although, the weekend didn't start out so fun. friday morning about 2 a.m. we had a power outage. you know, i've gone over in my mind so many times the drill (that before this has never had to be done) that it seemed like old hat. i think i subconsciously sleep expecting it because i shot out of bed the instant it happened. fumbled down the stairs and found my nurse searching for a flashlight. i got his oxygen hooked over to the H tank and went to get the back up battery for the vent and humidifier. once i got that we called the power company who hadn't received any other calls yet about the power being out. i think most people don't have a reason to call in the middle of the night to say their power is out. in any case they had no idea how long it would take to get it back so i figured we'd better spark up the generator. ha ha. i have kind of avoided learning how to use it because i always figured someone would be within arms reach to know how. what are the chances of michael being gone in the time frame that i would need to start the generator? slim. but we hit them. so i called michael in reno at 2 in the morning to have him walk me through starting it. i'm pretty mechanically challenged and just couldn't get it. thankfully he called our wonderful neighbor friends the bartell's and aaron came over to start it. THANK YOU AARON! but i didn't know he had done that, so the mankato F.D. also was called on our behalf and we had 4 fire fighters come out to help me with the generator. all in all we got things running. :) i stayed up with the nurse until about 4:30 when the power came back on just to make sure nothing else happened. of course by then i was wide awake and sleep just wouldn't come. even with the weather channel relaying the local forcast. hmph. in any sense we prevailed and made it through without any more "emergencies". we had a fun weekend with nina being home and kept busy doing all sorts of things. but for now, we are ready for daddy to be back. brought nina back to the airport lastnight and shopped at the new ikea store. really fun and really big. great prices and just different. if you ever get a chance and are doing some home improvements, take a look. :) have a great day. and please remember to keep praying for jill and darren. God bless.

Friday, September 17, 2004 10:50 AM CDT

I pray all of you who so desired had the opportunity to be a part of isaac's service today. It was a moment that allowed God to touch my heart and remind me of the blessings of today. What a testament. And what a journey. Jill, Darren and the rest of the family...thank you for embracing us and allowing us to gleam the blessings from Isaac's life and from yours. We are forever blessed to call you family and friends in Christ.

the link to isaac's site once again is:
www.caringbridge.org/mi/isaacherweyer

For those of you who maybe couldn't or didn't have the opportunity to see the service, I am going to try and obtain a CD copy. If you would like a copy from mine, please just email me and i'll put you on a list.

God bless...

Tuesday, September 14, 2004 6:48 AM CDT

isaac's life is a life that has drawn so many to the throne. like that of his brother's it lay so blatantly in the hands of God. vulnerable and exposed for all to see and realize how frail life really is. jill and darren have reminded me time and time again what it is to nurture a life. the way we ought to care and nurture all our lives. the have shown what it means to truly trust the Lord not just when things have shown to be rough, but every day. every step of the way. they have caused me to remember that not one breath ought to be taken for granted...for God knows your every breath and the exact number that will be taken. through their trials they have drawn me to the throne of God and i sit back as i realize the cost of my comfort. they have endured such unfathomable pain...i have so faithfully recieved the reminder of just who God is, and how He desires to be with me. they have walked a road which very few will ever see...i have been given the gift of a closer walk with Jesus. they have so faithfully turned to the Lord to not only be their consolation, but in further, to recieve wisdom that they might be a servant...i have been blessed by their wisdom and it has not only affected my life, it has changed my thoughts and actions. they have not only touched lives...but by allowing Jesus to shine through them in EVERY situation...as He has commanded us we should do...they have CHANGED lives. how many of us could claim all of these things had we walked on the same path? jill, darren...there is no greater love or gratitude that i have ever felt than i feel at the thought of how blessed i am to know you. to have you as part of my life. i'm sorry it took this for me to tell you. it should have been said a long time ago...but thank you.
thank you for allowing me...us...to be in this journey with you. for not hiding all the triumphs and trials...the celebrations and the tears. for allowing me to feel the presence of God through your writing and through your life. you are family like none other. i love you. and i pray that God would just pour out His heart upon you.

isaac was carried home lastnight.

Monday, September 13, 2004 3:55 PM CDT

please pray for jill, darren, lauren and especially isaac.

www.caringbridge.org/mi/isaacherweyer

Monday, September 13, 2004 8:29 AM CDT

i know so many of you check both wren's site and isaac's site hand in hand, but i also know that our links are down. just in case you don't have isaac's address in your computer it is this. www.caringbridge.org/mi/isaacherweyer

i'm putting this on because jill yesterday wrote that there is something wrong with isaac and they are not sure what. i don't have any details, but details or not i know that prayer is extremely important. i ask that you please be on your knees today for little isaac. that whatever has gone amiss will be put back into order. that the dr.'s who have him in their care will be bombarded with wisdom. that answers will be found, and that Jesus would touch him in all the right spots. please pray also for jill and darren and lauren. thank you all for being such strong prayer warriors, and please pass this along to others that you know pray.

Saturday, September 11, 2004 7:47 AM CDT

sorry to keep you all waiting. we had a busy week with not much computer time. we ended up taking wren to the clinic in rochester on wednesday to have them take a look at the blood in and around the trach. wendy found a sore on the lower part of the stoma that she thinks was causing some of the blood, but they weren't satisfied with the look that they had, so they had us come back on thursday to take a closer look. he was scheduled for surgery around 9 a.m. but didn't get in until after noon. when they got him him in there they found some granulation tissue above the trach that had to be removed. in the process of removing it, he was giving them a substantial amount of bleeding issues and doing his good ol' wren trick of objecting to being put under (dropping his sats) so they kept him overnight for observation. i can tell he's getting older because coming out of the anesth. he cried a lot and seemed a little disoriented. when we finally got him to his room he was getting better. everything went well and we are home now. thank you for all your concern and prayers (even though i didn't list any prayer specifics!). as an update for specific prayer requests they are as follows!
1.) strength and growth in those lungs of his!
2.) hardening and opening of the trachea
3.) his oral sensitivity would be gone

for now those are the big things. everything else should fall into place once those are taken care of. :) have a great day and thank you for your patience. :)
erin

Wednesday, September 8, 2004 11:41 AM CDT

we are taking wren over to rochester today. he had some blood around and in his trach and we are thinking it is stoma related.

Monday, September 6, 2004 9:19 AM CDT

so, i've had numerous people email me and state..."where are the tubes and the vent?" he is still on them...but don't despair. the wonderful boy is soon to pull a "forest gump"...and i fully believe this. i have been spuradically taking him off the vent and walking him around and letting him play "tube free". although, now i don't know if this is such a grand idea. he gets back in his crib and has a taste for freedom in his mouth and is...well...a beautiful terror. but possibly to the detriment of himself. he now has figured out he can walk around the inside of his crib using the rails to walk along. he gets too far to one side stretching his tubes as far as they can go, looses balance and falls ripping the tubes from his trach....bad for he neck i'm assuming. and hasn't done much for his head banging either. lastnight his trach actually pulled out sending the nurse into a minor heart attack. luckily, daddy was down there and got it back in right away. emma came upstairs where i was getting ready and calmly said, "mama, ummmm daddy needs help getting wren's ties back on. wren pulled his trach out." my little 3 year old knows all he technical terms!!!!!! nurse in training! in any case...wren is BUSY BUSY BUSY. the only safe place for him while he is on the vent right now is in the play saucer. which, i don't want to limit his new found ability in roaming around...but the vent is really hindering. please pray that this "brace" will just fall off and he will keep on going.
oh yeah, if you are wondering what i'm talking about...the beginning of the forest gump when he has the leg braces on and he starts running and as he is running the braces break and fall off and...well, he just keeps running and never looks back~! that's what i claim for wren's life.
God bless!

Saturday, September 4, 2004 3:02 PM CDT

Helping daddy and grandpa work on the boat. they said that someday soon i'll be able to take a ride.

Saturday, September 4, 2004 9:45 AM CDT

:-) oh yes, and in case i forgot to mention it!!!! wren can now go from lying on his back to flipping over to pushing himself to sitting to reaching out and pulling himself up on the side of his crib. :) he used to not be able to transition the entire rolling over sitting up process...but he figured it out and it's all down hill from here. :) i'm so proud of the little guy. he is catching on very fast to most of the progressions that we take for granted!
Emma is also being an incredible sister. she can make him laugh like no one else, and she is very patient with me when i have to tend solely to him! what an amazing 3 year old. :) gotta love them both.

Friday, September 3, 2004 5:09 PM CDT

so wren has single handedly destroyed 2 trachs in 2 weeks. i don't think he yet realizes exactly what the trach does for him, and he is growing up enough to know that it is a sort of playing nuissance attatched to his neck strictly for his pleasure of pulling. and even though it sends him into debilitating fits of coughing, he will instantly reach for the cuff as soon as you have removed it from his hands. i think i've finally reached the point of parenting where the demanding has taken over. one demands with machines, and the other demands by mouth. i have insanely found myself by early afternoon drinking an exorbanant amount of fluid just to have an excuse to go to the bathroom, lock the door, and be by myself if even for a moment! :) it's there that i take a good look at myself and often throw the question up to the Big Man "Are you SURE you picked the right mother for these children?" "yes, but are you absolutely, positively, unequivically SURE." "you're SURE SURE SURE?" "okay, fine." don't get me wrong. my first feeling in the morning and my last feeling at night are those of an overwhelming feeling of being blessed beyond my imagination...but it's the sandwich meat in the middle when i lose my thoughts in the hustle and bustle of a three year old's world and a medical mystery that i do honestly FORGET how blessed i am. :) i love my family and i would have them no other way....okay, well, almost no other way...i could do without the machines and trachs....but they sure are incredible. and that's all i have to say for now! :) God bless.
erin

Friday, September 3, 2004 11:27 AM CDT

so i saw AND sat on my parent's bed for the first time today. mommy decided that it was a good morning to show me my room and the upstairs of the house. i LOVED emma's room and wanted to tear everything off the book shelf. we were scheduled to go over to rochester today, but there was some confusion about me being scheduled and what not, so we ended up staying home. that's okay though. mommy and i are just hangin' out while emma plays at reese's house. i hope all of you have a safe and happy holiday weekend. lots of love your way....wren

p.s. i still don't know why the links are spuradically on there and then not...i'm not really a computer wiz...just a cute baby!

Thursday, September 2, 2004 11:46 AM CDT

just to let you know, the look on his face is half smile half "i am so incredibly proud of myself my face gets contorted" look. :) we are seeing a ton of personality come out. i think he might be a bit of a perfectionist. he gets very frustrated if he can't accomplish his "goal" on the first try. and would very willingly let you do the work for him after that...but he in the same sentence is very persistent...i'll give him that one! check out the new pics.

Wednesday, September 1, 2004 9:00 PM CDT

my new task today...i can now pull myself ALL the way up to standing in my crib. so now i'm really keeping my nurses busy! before i could get myself to my knees, but today i decided that was just not good enough! :) mom's pretty proud of me...just a little more tricky everyday! love wren

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 6:20 PM CDT

wren's appt. went very well today! :) the dr. said that his eyes looked very much aligned and they looked very healthy both inside and out. :) being the paranoid and unknowing mother i asked if we were over the concerns for the ROP (retinopothy) and he said, "OH yeah! that was done back in November." so, really his next eye appt. will be when he is 3 and that is just a maintenance look to make sure everything is holding well. both kids rode very well and waited very patiently...but now are just about off their rockers from having a day of no activity! park time tonight. have a great night and we'll update later. :)

Monday, August 30, 2004 3:49 PM CDT

yes i can, and oh, i will...pull myself over the ledge of the crib!!! :) i'm up to my same ol' same ol'. i guess my sister got to go with mommy and daddy up to chuck-e-cheese in burnsville lastnight to celebrate my cuz' dominyc's birthday. had a great time. :) skee ball, as always, is the favorite! i am headed over tomorrow for my eye appt. (i think i've said it 3 times already!), so pray for good traveling weather. otherwise, all is the same. lots of love. wren
p.s. i don't know why the links aren't on there...lately sometimes they just don't show up. hmmm...?! we'll figure it out.

Friday, August 27, 2004 7:07 PM CDT

wren's new protesting position! :) he has a few new tricks. this is one where he'll get up on his haunches and his hands and teeter back and forth. the other is when he is in his play saucer and his sister makes him laugh, he throws his head way back and opens his mouth in the biggest laugh you've ever seen. makes the machines go balistic and is utterly hilarious to watch! wren is doing better. we are waiting on the tobamiacin (sp.?) neb to come in and seeing what potential that has to do. next tues. we are scheduled AGAIN to go over to rochester for an ophthamology appt...this is the 4th reschedule because of this that and the other thing. then on fri. he is scheduled for his ENT broncoscopy and endoscopy. that might be an overnighter if they change his trach size. otherwise we are sitting tight and just having fun being a family. :) God bless.

erin lee

Tuesday, August 24, 2004 8:51 AM CDT

good morning to all. not much for new updates. we are switching wren from the augmentin to cipro for antibiotic and he will be starting an antibiotic neb at some point this week, we're just waiting for it to come into the pharmacy. this hopefully will help keep the psuedomonas down. the little guy has for the first time actually pulled the balloon cuff off of his trach. i was checking my email yesterday and looked back and noticed he was playing with something when i saw what it was i said, "WREN!" he laughed and smiled and started talking. without the balloon inflated, he gets a good air leak around the trach and can talk up a storm. he thinks it's hilarious. dad and i got to change the trach for kicks lastnight. :) just how you want to spend a stormy monday night! he is a busy busy body....still. now he is putting two and two together and has figured out when he pulls the tubes off his neck the machine to his right will start to scream a funny language. so he does it. again...and again...and again...and again. and each time he immediately looks over to the machine waiting for it to start what i call vent profanity. starts to sound like that after a while. :-# in any sense, he is a character. i had a nice surprise today and had a day nurse show up, so i'm off to the proverbial shower and to actually bathe my other wonderful child! :) it's so nice when we ALL don't smell. God bless.

Sunday, August 22, 2004 1:39 PM CDT

don't worry...i'll get wren's pictures back on soon. :) we just had so many good pictures this weekend that i had to share some. well, we made it through and didn't freeze to death. although, the temp dropped to below 40 on friday night. brrrrr...lets just say we had no qualms about having 3 of us in the same bed that night. emma is quite the little heater so we put her to good use. :) we had a good weekend even though we didn't leave in the best circumstances. wren got sick friday morning, but this time we caught it soon enough that WE got to drive him to the clinic. he has another infiltration in his lungs and they are unsure whether it is pneunomia or aspiration or even the pseudomonas again. we brought a culture in thursday night to the lab and it came back positive as pseudomonas in the trach for sure. in any sense, we got through the weekend without going to the hospital, but he'll have to be treated by an i.v. antibiotic for the pseudomonas. we're not sure if that means we need to check him into rochester for a few days this week or what, but i'll know more tomorrow. emma and i got over the flu by friday thankfully! and had a good weekend healthwise. my grandpa is not doing so well. he has some major infections going on and they have moved him to an isolation contact unit in the icu. he passed out on thursday night and quit breathing apparantly, but they got him going again. his heart didn't stop, just his breathing. in any sense, he is in critical care right now getting TPN's via a PICC line. so pray that this infection will be eliminated. as much as we are longing to go and see him, his infections are very contagious and airborne, so we have been advised to not because of wren's health. makes you feel stuck between a rock and a hard space. other than another good dose of medical information, we had a wonderful weekend, and cannot wait for the day when we can do it all together as a whole family. God bless.....

Thursday, August 19, 2004 11:04 AM CDT

sorry it's been a couple days since my last update. my grandpa had his gallbladder removed on monday, and the surgery seemed to go well, but he was still having pain post op, so they are waiting to see if it is surgery related or if it is something else. this is all from what i understand....i could be wrong (i have been before!) but in any sense, they were throwing around the possibility of him having a staph infection yesterday...i don't yet know what the results were on that.
wren was scheduled to go over to rochester today for an opthimology appt., but we all woke up with the flu this morning, so riding in the car combating the possibility of throwing up all over just, for some reason, does not sound appealing. so we postponed his appt. for now.
we are planning on going camping over in whitewater this weekend. very much so looking foward to it, but hoping that we'll feel better by tomorrow. i'm not yet sure how i'm going to handle being away fro wren for 3 days, but i know that it is a needed break also. i have some wonderful nurses who have taken on the entire weekend so we could have this break. well, God bless and i hope you all have a wonderful day. erin lee

Monday, August 16, 2004 9:26 AM CDT

well...we're having a wonderfully uneventful week! i love it that way. i was working on getting some food up in the near somewhere vicinity of my mouth this morning and i just got too pooped out. :) check out my pics. :) have a great day. wren

Friday, August 13, 2004 6:38 PM CDT

hello! just wanted to let you all know, i've now learned to ride a horse. :) check out the new pics. also, to the heart of pray-ers, my great grandpa severson is in the hospital and we're not sure why yet. please pray that wisdom will be evoked in all the medical staff and that answers will be found. thank you... :) lots of love

Wednesday, August 11, 2004 9:11 PM CDT

this is how we felt today! i kept telling michael i swear those are snow clouds in the sky! :) it's been a couple days, just wanted to let you know that we had run a test on wren's doo doo (ha ha, what a funny word) this week. he was having some interesting diapers and they needed to check to make sure he didn't have an upper GI bleed. all the tests came back negative. Praise God. there is also one other thing that we've been praying about that i keep forgetting to mention. i'm pretty sure it's nothing...such as calcifications or something of the sort, but he has 3 lumps on him. one on his neck, one near the center of his collar bone, and one on the side of his rib cage almost so it's under his lower left arm. more towards this middle of the rib cage. in any sense, he goes in for an endoscopy and bronchoscopy on the 3rd of september and i think we'll just try to get him xrayed then. other than that we are doing much much better! he looks like he is cutting 4 teeth all at once, which proves to be a little uncomfortable even for him. but he only complains at night when he is trying to sleep. he is a consistant puller offer of his vent tubes that connect to his neck now. i think he's trying to tell me he would like to be done as much as i would like him to be done! he is ONE SMART COOKIE. he picks up on things very fast and enjoys learning. hope this finds everyone well, and it looks as though i'll have another caringbridge link within the next few days here. i'll keep you posted. God bless! erin lee

okay, check out the new link....

Monday, August 9, 2004 9:10 AM CDT

"bobbin' along, singin' a song (in the turmoil of the e-e-e-ccllllesss household)" :) name that tune. i used to love that game. add libbing my own words...of course. BURRRRRRR!!! anyone else have that urge to go pick pumpkins today? it's kind of nice though. saves on the electricity bill! we are hangin' in there. if you happen to speak to me today though, and i say something offensive...please disregard it. my day nurse called in sick today so i've not really slept since thursday night and it has proven to be stronger than my self control. really. in any case i'm very much so looking forwad to my night nurse and my own bed tonight. you never know how much you appreciate something until its gone! it'll be wierd when we finally hit the day where we have no nursing staff anymore. a good day none the less...but wierd. well, quick update. wren is doing better...but coughing as i write so i'm off! erin

Saturday, August 7, 2004 11:29 PM CDT

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10
"I will bring [them]...through the fire,
Refine them as silver is refined,
And test them as gold is tested.
They will call on My name,
And I will answer them;
I will say, 'They are My people,'
And they will say, 'The Lord is my God.'"
Zechariah 13:9

thank you for your prayers throughout this weekend. i've actually been feeling okay. i slept for about 2 1/2 hours today and amazingly feel like i have the strength of having slept 8. as with so many things in life, the facts don't always add up, but God always provides a way. :) God bless. erin lee

Friday, August 6, 2004 7:11 PM CDT

i've felt like we've been raging this never-ending battle lately. for the life of us, we just can't seem to get this guy 100 percent healthy. he's been battling cold after cold, infection after infection. if it's not sinus, it's pulminary. if it's not his trach site, it's his g-tube site. if it's not yeasty under his neck, it's in his mouth. we're just running the round robin here. and in all honesty it is becoming a weary journey. just pray that health will bombard our household, and that we can get some much needed rest. we don't have any night nurses friday, saturday, or sunday, and mikee has to do sound on sunday. we do have a day nurse on saturday, and an evening nurse on sunday...but the sunday evening nurse is a new one so i'll have to stay up and help her train anyway. it seems like as soon as we round that proverbial bend, there is another obstacle to hurdle! sometimes i feel like i might go insane! :) but then everything will break for a short while giving us a chance to recoup. (we look very forward to those times!) in any case, thank you for your prayer support...if not for physical respite, it brings rest to our spirits. thank you! God bless.

Saturday, July 31, 2004 8:15 PM CDT

"I will turn all my mountains into roads. (Isaiah 49:11)

God will make our obstacles serve His purposes. We all have mountains in our lives, and often they are people and things that threaten to block the progress of our spiritual life. The obstacles may be untruths told about us; a difficult occupation; "a thorn in [the] flesh" (2 Cor. 12:7); or our daily cross. And often we pray for their removeal, for we tend to htink that if only these were removed, we would live a more tender, pure, and holy life.
"How foolish you are, and how slow of heart...!" (Luke 24:25). These are the very conditions we need for achievement, and they have been put in our lives as the means of producing the gifts and qualities for which we have been praying so long. We pray for patience for many years, and when something begins to test us beyond our endurance, we run from it. We try to avoid it, we see it as some insurmountable obstacle to our desired goal, and we believe that if it was removed, we would experience immediate deliverance and victory.
This is not true! We would simply see the temptations to be impatient end. This would not be patience. The only way genuine patience can be acquired is by enduring the very trials that seem so unbearable today." (Aug. 2nd devotion)

i got to thinking about this very devotional and thought it funny for the virtues that i've prayed so earnestly and so long for are definitely brought to the surface when faced with a trial that you cannot run from! i know i've said it before, but God definitely had His hand in this and knew exactly what it would take to create in me the heart and spirit that he desired for me to have from the beginning of time. (although, i do fail OFTEN). but, in the end, i just know and can feel God's faithfulness every step of the way...and it's amazing.

wren is doing pretty well. he woke up this morning with a cold. we all (minus mikee) seemed to have acquired it within the last 48 hours. YUCK. but aside from the fact that it's a cold, it's almost kind of cute. he has not had a runny nose cold yet, (this one is) and i am relishing the pleasure of actually wiping his nose! like a normal kid. unfortunately, he can't blow because he has no airway flow through his mouth or nose, so it just runs...but it's still kind of cute. :) he finished his antibiotics today also and seems to have come around almost full circle. keep praying though. his respirations and o2 needs are still a little higher than "normal". hope you all have a great night! :)

[p.s. emma came in the house in this picture and said, "MOM! come look see the rainbow!!" and ran out 'standing in awe'...captured by the camera. :) ]

Friday, July 30, 2004 6:26 PM CDT

(more devotion from "Streams in the Desert"

Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly. (James 5:17)

Thank God Elijah was "just like us"! He sat under a tree, complained to God, and expressed his unbelief-just as we have often done. Yet this was not the case at all when he was truly in touch with God. "Elijah was a man just like us, " YET "he prayed earnestly." The literal meaning of this in the Greek is magnificent: instead of saying, "earnestly," it says, "He prayed in prayer." In other words, "He kept on praying." The lesson here is that you MUST KEEP PRAYING.
Climb to the top of Mount Carmel and see that great story of faith and sight. After Elijah had called down fire from heaven to defeat the prophets of Baal, rain was needed for God's prophecy to be fulfilled. And the man who could command fire from heaven could bring rain using the same methods. We are told, "Elijah...bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees" (1 Kings 18:42), shutting out all sights and sounds. He put himself in a position, beneath his robe, to neither see nor hear what was happening.
Elijah then said to his servant, "Go and look toward the sea" (1 Kings 18:43). Upon returning, the servant replied, "There is nothing there." How brief his response must have seemed! "NOTHING!" Can you imagine what we would do under the same circumstances? We would say, "Just as I expected!" and then would stop praying. But did Elijah give up? No. In fact, six times he told his servant, "Go back." Each time the servant returned saying, "Nothing!"
Yet "the seventh time the servant reported, 'A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea'" (1 Kings 18:44). What a fitting description, for a man's hand had been raised in prayer to God before the rains came. And the rains came so fast and furiously that Elijah warned Ahab to "go down before the rain stops you."
This is a story of faith and sight-faith cutting itself off from everything except God, with sight that looks and yet sees nothing. Yes, in spite of utterly hopeless reports received from sight, this is a story of faith that continues "praying in prayer."
Do you know how to pray in that way-how to prevail in prayer? Let your sight bring you reports as discouraging as possible, but pay no attention to them. Our heavenly Father lives, and even the delays of answers to our prayers are part of His goodness. Arhtur Tappan Pierson
Each of three young boys once gave a definition of faith that illustrates the important aspect of tenacity. The first boy defined faith as "taking hold of Christ," the second as "keeping our hold on Him," and the third as "not letting go of Him."

Thursday, July 29, 2004 9:02 PM CDT

i was looking through some of jill's books before they packed up and left mn to return home to michigan. i ran across one that was given to her by a wonderful woman here. it is a devotional called, "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman and i was curious to see what my devotion for the day would have been on April 26th of last year. here is what it said:

"I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. (Philippians 3:8)"

Light is always costly and comes at the expense of that which produces it. An unlit candle does not shine, for burning must come before the light. And we can be of little use to others without a cost to ourselves. Burning suggests suffering, and we try to avoid pain.
We tend to feel we are doing the greatest good in the world when we are strong and fit for active duty and when our hearts and hands are busy with kind acts of service. Therefore when we are set aside to suffer, when we are sick, when we are consumed with pain, and when all our activities have been stopped, we feel we are no longer of any use and are accomplishing nothing.
Yet if we will be patient and submissive, it is almost certain we will be a greater blessing to the world around us during our time of suffering and pain than we were when we thought we were doing our greatest work. Then we are burning, and shining brightly as a result of the fire. from Evening Thoughts

The glory of tomorrow is rooted in the drudgery of today.

Many people want the glory without the cross, and the shining light without the burning fire, but crucifixion comes before coronation.

(poem)
Have you heard the tale of the aloe plant,
Away in the sunny clime?
By humble growth of a hundred years
It reaches its blooming time;
And then a wondrous bud at its crown
Breaks into a thousand flowers;
This floral queen, in its blooming seen,
Is the pride of the tropical bowers,
But the flower to the plant is sacrifice,
For it blooms but once, and it dies.

Have you further heard of the aloe plant,
That grows in the sun ny clime;
How every one of its thousand flowers,
As they drop in the blooming time,
Is an infant plant that fastens it roots
In the place where it falls on the ground,
And as fast as they drop from the dying stem,
Grow lively and lovely all 'round?
By dying, it liveth a thousandfold
In the young that spring from the death of the old.

Have you heard the tale of the pelican,
The Arabs' Gimel el Bahr,
That lives in the African solitudes,
Where the birds that live lonely are?
Have you heard how it loves its tender young,
And cares and toils for their good,
It brings them water from mountains far,
And fishes the seas for their food.
In famine it feeds them - what love can devise!
The blood of its bosom - and, feeding them, dies.

Have you heard this tale - the best of them all -
The tale of the Holy and True,
He dies, but His life, in untold souls
Lives on in the world anew;
His seed prevails, and is filling the earth,
As the stars fill the sky above.
He taught us to yield up the love of life,
For the sake of the life of love.
His death is our life, His loss is our gain;
The joy for the tear, the peace for the pain."

now if there isn't a lesson to be learned day by day for me...i don't think i've finished the day properly. it seems a constant battle to remember God's faithfulness and to know that what we see as trials are really and avenue for God to lavish His love and guidance upon us. pastor paul said a few weeks ago that God has a special place in his heart for those who are "weak". it is in our weakness that He perfects HIS power. it is in our weakness that He is glorified the most, for it is in our weakness that He can show himself and we can be the reflection of His glory. AMEN! :) food for thought.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004 10:24 AM CDT

hi...sorry it has been a couple days since i've updated. i am feeling i bit better. :) i'm sleeping alot...and YES, i am finally cutting my first tooth!!!!!! don't know what i'm supposed to use it for - yet - but i'm thinkin' it's something good. my atibiotic seems to be working and i am slowly coming down on my oxygen requirements. two steps forward, one step back, but always gaining ground. that's my new philosophy. :) mom started taking a sign language class this week and loves it. she says i help challenge her and cause her to broaden her horizons. that's a good thing....right? she says it is. i further her mind just by being little me. :) she did a photo shoot with me and my sister this morning, so here are a few new pics of us. thank you so much for all the awesome prayers and words of truth WRITTEN and SPOKEN into existence for me. and when that day comes that i can speak of the living testimony that God has created me to be, i'll also be able to testify to the power of prayer from the body of Christ. thank you.....wren


(oh yeah, emma wanted to say something too.)
iujklhygfcdxzawegfkjfdshrefabbvdggfghjkkjgghhjkhhcvhhfgghn huhhuyyhyyyuiiuuyioo

Friday, July 23, 2004 11:58 AM CDT

well, i too, made it home...but i still brought a bunch of tubes and wires and monitors with me. that's okay though, it won't be long. :) i'm still a little under the weather today. in fact probably more so than when i was at the hospital. i got my vaccinations (15 mo.) this morning, and it kind of threw me off so my respirations, heart rate, and o2 requirments are still up. mom says i'll feel better probably tomorrow. it was fun seeing everyone who came to visit me over here. :) i know, better circumstances would be more fun...but i had to see isaac before he went home, so this is the only way i could get mom to bring me over! :) anyway, pray for safe keeping for me tonight and that all my sats would return to normal. thanks.....wren

Wednesday, July 21, 2004 11:55 AM CDT

well, wren decided it was finally time to go and meet isaac! he was not feeling so good this morning, so we had Gold Cross come over and pick him up and bring him to the hospital. he just took off from mankato at about 12:00 by ambulence (the big boy doesn't need to go by heli anymore!) and is heading over to rochester. he will be over there for a couple days at least getting treated by iv antibiotics. his white cell count was over 19,000, and his upper left and lower right lobes (lungs) are looking a little not so good. they put him on cipro which is a broad spectrum antibiotic and will be treating the pseudomonas along with whatever else he might have. so, i will keep you updated on our endevor as we go along. when he left, i swear the kiddo doesn't know when he's sick, he was talking and trying to pull apart the iv and monitor probes and then going for the monitor buttons on the transport machine. he was smiling and talking and playing with his blocks....so, all in all he seems to be handling it okay. :) we'll keep you updated...pray for lung strength. and that the bloody secretions would disappear. lots of love....erin lee

Monday, July 19, 2004 6:59 PM CDT

mom and dad have now dubbed me a hudinni of sorts. there is this white tube that comes out of the humidifier port on the vent and hangs right above my head. kind of a tease i guess you would call it. so, since it's there, i like to pull on it. wouldn't you? anyway, i came about 1 second away from drowning myself the other day. thankfully dad was standing right there and caught all the water that was about to run into my lungs. he's a quick thinker! then as that's all taking place, i now can roll. roll and roll. roll until my legs are caught in the crib rails and my vent tubing is popping off my neck. mom says i'm everywhere. just a mess of things and now tells me i have less time than before to get off the machines...for everyone's safety and sake! :) good accomplishments...makes it all a little more tricky. hope you all have enjoyed the baker of a day. stay inside where it is nice and cool. love wren.

Sunday, July 18, 2004 7:37 AM CDT

there is a little boy who has been in the hospital since feb. of 2003. he is in the PICU and was in the room next to wren. i got to know his mother quite well because we were at the ronald mcdonald house together. they ran some tests on her son yesterday to see if there was any brain activity. the tests showed that there was none.
this mom has exhibited the utmost faith that would tire anyone. she has stood so strong when everyone else has told her that there was no hope. she found her hope in God and clung to it like i have never seen anyone cling before.
they are going to be withdrawing the lifesupport on jordan. they did it either lastnight or this morning. this mom has been through so much, it pains my heart to know she is facing this today. please, please, pray for a covering and protection for jamie and her family. if you want to visit her website, it is

www.caringbridge.org/wi/jordan


thank you.

Tuesday, July 6, 2004 2:56 PM CDT

thank you so much to peter wendt and his lovely family for making it possible to go to my first parade! i was fascinated at first...then tired. :) it started out overcast then became very sunny and very hot at which point i just wanted to cuddle with mom in the shade of daddy's shadow. i loved it though. who knew such a world exsisted with so many people and so much noise?!?! mom says by next summer i should be able to toddle around without my tubes and really go after the candy. :) so all in all it was VERY fun. i absolutely love it outside! love wren

p.s. oh yeah, and as i'm sitting here writing this, i'm looking over my shoulder and wren has figured out how to completely roll himself over..tubes and all. boy do i learn something new everyday!

Sunday, July 4, 2004 4:34 PM CDT

this is to all the mothers...
to all the mothers who touch their stomach where their baby once was only to find their abdomen empty and their baby miles away fighting for their life in a NICU.
to all the mothers who, while resting in the hospital, could hear the cries of the babies going to their mothers for feeding time...but not hers.
to all the mothers who know why a nurses eyes don't meet hers when they come into the room
to all the mothers who clutch the poloroid picture as they try to remember exactly how their baby looked beneath all the tubes and wires and monitors...from the brief glance they had before he was whisked off to a plexi-glass box waiting to load him into an ambulence.
to all the mothers who have waited endless weeks to touch or hold her baby, and when they are finally granted the wonder...be given a limited amount of time so as not to overstimulate her baby.
to all the mothers who have needed a visitors tag for the first many months just to be able to go in and see her child.
to all the mothers who have had the dr.'s or nurses tell THEM about THEIR child, because they just don't know.
to all the mothers who have had to become MD's in a matter of hours, not years, to understand the procedures and what is happening with her baby.
to all the mothers who have listened as their friends speak of exhaustion because of crying and midnight feeds...when their child can neither cry nor eat.
to all the mothers who have ever wondered if they made the right "decision"...to watch their child in pain? or to not give them a chance at all.
to all the mothers who've had to make a middle of the night "milk run" because the NICU has just called to inform you the baby might be put on formula because they are running out of breast milk.
to all the mothers who are still pumping 14 months later because you know the antiboties are more important to your child than your convenience.
to all the mothers who have the hospital, NICU, PICU, ER, ENT's, clinic hotline, and back-up babysitting numbers on speed dial because you never know when you are going to need them...and need all of them all at once.
to all the mothers who go home to an empty nursery, and the nursery stays empty for months.
for the mothers who wait for that very special day when they can finally place their child into their very own special crib.
for all the mothers who cry, that very night, out of relief and fear at the awesome responsibility that such a fragile child brings.
to all the mothers who have adapted their dreams of a perfect nursery to ones filled with tubes and wires and monitors and equipment, but look beyond that and see the pooh bears and stars. who don't notice when others recoil in shock at all the technology involved.
to all the mothers who adapt an end table into an equipment tabe, a changing table into medical supply storage, and a dining room into a nursery.
to all the families who forgo family meals at a table and regular bed times....for now.
to all the mothers who wake up endlessly at night to false alarms and monitors...but easily arise anyway to check it out.
for all the moms who forgo a shower because you wouldn't be able to hear an alarm over the sound of running water.
for all the mothers who can tell the PARAMEDICS and er docs what the best treatment is for her child...and then convince them that she is right.
to all the mothers who have painstakenly watched their child endure countless surgeries, endless iv lines and blood draws, and pokes and prods that even the most seasoned adult couldn't withstand...yet continue to assure her child through her tears that it is for their best.
to all the working mothers (is their any other kind?) who fill their days with chores and responsibilities...yet work it around the scheduled clock of meds, tube feeds, therapy sessions, or treatments...yet still manage to try to find the time to sit and do "normal" baby cuddle time.
to all the mothers who couldn't find any storage room to begin with who now have managed to find a place to put trach supplies, g-tube supplies, vent supplies, back up vents, back up humidifiers, back up oxygenators, back up suction machines, back up oxygen tanks, a generator, therapy balls, therapy standers, therapy bean bags, swings, excersaucers, and managed to do it all on one floor!
to all the mothers who have battled with having nurses scheduled (or not scheduled) only to find that they have called in sick or can't come.
to all the mothers who have not only stayed up all day mothering her children...but then stay up all night because of a vacant nurses spot.
to all the mothers who now share their home with medical staff...whom somedays you wish you could just be a normal family again....but whom you can't live without.
to all the mothers who have watched other mothers at the mall with their newborn child thinking, "if i could only have a chance to hold my child without any medical equipment."
to all the mothers who have never walked more than a foot away from the crib because the machines don't have the leeway.
to all the mothers who have no important initials behind their names, but challenge those who do to THINK and care.
to all the mothers who have ever had to fight against "statistics".
to all the mothers who live one day at a time, and see each miracle for what it is...a miracle.

my heart flows out to all the mothers who, before this, i never realized had such a different life. God be with you.

Sunday, July 4, 2004 3:42 PM CDT

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!

Friday, July 2, 2004 12:43 AM CDT

Pseudomonads are motile, Gram-negative rods that utilize glucose oxidatively. members of this genus are classified into five groups based on ribosomal RNA homology. these bacteria are clinically important because they are resistant to most antibiotics and they are capable of surviving in conditions that few other organisms can tolerate. they also produce a slime layer that is resistant to phagocytosis. pseudomonas is often encountered in hospital and clinical work because it is a major cause of hospital acpuired (nosocomal) infections. its main targets are immunocompromised individuals, burn victims, and individuals on respirators or with indwelling catheters. additionally, these pathogens colonize the lungs of cystic fibrosis patients, increasing the mortality rate of individuals with the disease. infection can occur at many sites and can lead to urinary tract infections, sepsis, pneumonia, pharyngitis, and a lot of other problems. rarely will you find pseudomonas as a cause of ingection in healthy individuals. its non-invasive nature limits its pathogenic capabilities.
so, in short, i guess they will not be treating wren with any antibiotics because it is a bugger of a bacteria to treat. not very treatable actually. but, like the mrsa that he had in the NICU and PICU, it is not harmful to him as of now. it is just there. we'll just keep our eyes on him and make sure he is doing all good. :) it is quite commonly found in trach patients just because of the open airway and suseptible immune system. so, anyway...that's the latest. :)
i had the most wonderful encounter during my shopping today. pastor paul murphy spoke on sunday on how wonderful it is to bless others and how God honors all that we do when blessing others. i was introduced to a woman in sam's club who, from what i hear, is a fervrent prayer warrior. she said to me, "you know, in deuteronomy it says that God not only covers him (wren) with His hand but he also has his other hand under him...surrounding him." then as i was leaving thank you thank you for the blessing i received in line. i'm not using names because i don't know how anonymous you would like to remain, but i've had tears in my eyes ever since....so thank you. may God bless you in return 100 fold. love erin lee

Thursday, July 1, 2004 7:14 PM CDT

well wren's cultures came back and they showed that he had some pseudomonas growth in them, so tomorrow i will be picking up some antibiotics for him. otherwise he is still doing well. sleepin' lots, which is okay. :) just a quick update. oh yes, and as long as he stays healthy we are planning on taking him to the fun days parade! should be a riot to see his reaction to all the festivities. :) lots of love. mom.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 10:26 PM CDT

so, judging by the picture...you would think everything is back to normal. i'm telling you all...this kid has the most amazing disposition!~ he is still a little under the weather. still blood in the secretions, and no word back from the lab yet. but hopefully tomorrow will tell. otherwise, he tries to do all the same things he does when he is feeling well...but his body is protesting. but everyday getting better and better. :) he's a tough little guy...but all you knew that already!
thank you to whomever it was that sent us the gift in the mail. if i talked to you this week you might have known that it was exactly what we needed...and if i didn't...well, it was exactly what we needed. so, thank you and God bless you 100 fold. (i think i've said that at least a million times this last year!) have a great night. oh yeah, and i put on a few pics of em and her daddy lighting off fireworks in the rain. :)

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 12:41 AM CDT

well, we had a fun eventful night. okay, well at least eventful. wren kind of crashed like he did back in april. so we had all the fun emergency workers here to play. anyway, we watched him for a while, and are attempting to get him through this rough spell at home instead of flying him off to rochester. so far we are doing okay. he is holding his sats better now, but is up to 4 liters on his O2 and his heart rate and bpm's are up. but we are nebulizing him every 4-8 hours and doing a lot of cpt (chest percussions). lots of saline and suctioning. he has blood in his trach and you can tell he's just not feeling great...yet he still smiles. :) so, anyway, i'll keep you updated as to whether or not we end up in rochester, but for now we are the eccles medical center! mom

Sunday, June 27, 2004 8:54 PM CDT

just wanted to let everyone know that wren is doing great on his trials. :) he is getting stronger and bigger literally almost everyday! he is starting to stand by his crib now holding onto the bars. we're working on his leg strength to do this, and sometimes i forget he can't catch his balance yet....hence a few face plants into various objects! but he is a trooper and usually only sheds a couple tears. he is also starting to get the hang of blowing kisses to you by smacking his lips together. :) he is fascinated by all sounds now, since he got his hearing aids, and is just the happiest little bloak you could ever meet. :) quick update. i'll get some new pics on hopefully tomorrow. lots of love and thank you for the continued prayers for isaac. erin lee

Thursday, June 24, 2004 7:10 PM CDT

well...i am so sorry that it took me all day long to log on! i was busy........doing TRIALS OFF my vent. :) i saw the pulminologist yesterday, and he said he thought it would be fine if mommy and daddy started the really really long weaning process. :) i get to do 15 minutes in the morning, and 15 minutes at night for this first week. then next week i get to do 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night....and each week after that go up by 15 minute incrimnets. until we reach a point where we can jump a little more. my two trials today went GREAT. mom said i looked as if i didn't even know something was missing. but the doc says even if i look good, it's best to play it safe and do it slow and steady. so she listened and didn't push it. that's the big news. otherwise, all is well and chuggin' along. lots of love to all. wren michael

Tuesday, June 22, 2004 8:22 PM CDT

i'll write more tomorrow on how my pulminology appointment went today...for now, i'm tired! have a good night. :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2004 8:32 AM CDT

check out the cute pictures of Isaac!!!!!!!! (on his site) :)

Sunday, June 20, 2004 9:23 AM CDT

Just to let you know, Isaac Lee Herweyer was born lastnight at 8:01. He was 3 lbs. 8 oz. you can check his sites for further details, but please be praying for jill and her recovery (emergency c-section), and for isaac's health. thank you

Friday, June 18, 2004 4:18 PM CDT

it has been such an amazing 2 days! it started out yesterday with a phone call to rochester to pick up...da da da daaaa...wren's kid kart. Praise God. this is going to be a HUGE blessing in toting the little man around. a seriously more stable stroller. most likely you'll be seeing us at parades and out for walks this summer. wren has also been impressing the pants off of us the past few days. he has been telling us that he is almost done with his oxygen. now this is NOT the vent. i know it's hard to keep the two straight, but the oxygen actually plugs into the back of the vent. BUT it is one more thing we would love to not have to tote around. :) then after we finished picking that up, we went over to see jill, lauren and mama j. (jan - jill's mom). i know i keep saying it, but what an incredible family and an incredible blessing!
as we all sat around talking while the girls ran around the house, i got the feeling that we just never missed a beat. and as much as i LOVE being home and having my son all to myself...well almost!....there is a part of you that craves that depth and intimacy only the house can bring. it's kind of like when you are there...you are in a different world. everyone there has one common ground and that is finding treatment for a sick child. it is a humble place, and one where your neighbor 9 out of 10 times would do anything to help you because you all really almost become one big family. even being an outsider now, i still felt the warmth and acceptance of the families there. i told jill it felt wierd that i was the one leaving.
God blessed them IMMENSELY with a new room. their old room absolutely just reeked like smoke. the house changed all the filters and bleached the walls and did everything in their power to make it not smell...but in spite of all their efforts, you still had to hold your breath just to go to the bathroom. but anyway, they are now moved into one of the new rooms and it is wonderful! you can just tell it felt more home-like for them. a great answer to prayer.
as i talked with jill, i become more and more amazed at the woman God made her to be. she has been put in a situation none of us could bare even once, and here she is a third time. yet, the light of God just absolutely emminates from her very core. you know that saying, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"? that is her. you can sit by her and feel the peace of God. you can talk to her and feel that rock of strength within her. she holds no bitter resentment for where God has allowed her and her family to be, yet looks for the good and the blessing and hopes above all else. she loves her kids with such an unconditional love i am amazed. and it really is not about her. i asked her yesterday how she felt with everything set before her and she replied, "erin, i am really at peace with luke's life. i know that every decision made was the right one for him. i couldn't bear to see him struggle with this life anymore and i knew Jesus was calling him home. my prayer for isaac would be that we would use the same wisdom and that if and when the time came where he can just bear it no more....that we would know." and she says it with more motherly love and sacrificial contentment than i could ever put on this page. i'm begging each and everyone of you to make this family a daily name in your prayers. if you could ever possibly fall in love with a family quicker than a blink of an eye...they are them.
so with a day full of fun and remembrance, i came back home lastnight looking forward to my next visit! besides his kid kart yesterday, wren also got his hearing aids today. he does so well with them. doesn't pull on them or wonder why they are there. just looks around as if to say, "WOW, these toys make these noises?!?" "and all of you! when did you all start sounding so funny?" :) now with everything in place, he will be starting his next run of appointments. next wednesday we will be in rochester for his pulminology. the following wednesday we will be there for opthimology. and shortly soon after in the coming weeks we will travel over to see a developmental specialist, urologist, neurologist...and so on and so forth. but 2 for now. just your basic check ups...but ones to clock his progress. :) pray, as always, that he will have astounding results. oh yeah, and the other blessing is that a group called Job's daughters has said that they want to pay for wren's hearing aids! his insurance didn't cover the ones that he needed, and the girls had called all in God's timing and said they were looking for someone locally to sponser. and they chose wren. how amazing. oh yeah, and also as we were scrounging for diaper money last week, the waterville school district (elementary school) called and said they wanted to locally donate to someone who had been in need of the ronald mcdonald house lately. they chose wren and donated 230 pounds of pop tabs to our family! all i can say is PRAISE GOD! :)
God bless. also, there is a little girl at the house named maddie who had open heart surgery today. please pray that her recover goes well. lots of love. erin lee

Tuesday, June 15, 2004 9:39 PM CDT

"Living the rest of your life for the glory of God will require a change in your priorities, your schedule, your relationships, and everything else. It will sometimes mean choosing a difficult path instead of an easy one. Even Jesus struggled with this. Knowing he was about to be crucified, he cried out: "My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, 'Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Thy name." Rick Warren The Purpose Driven Life.

a friend of mine and i often play this game, "what was i doing last year at this time?" and "what will i be doing next year at this time?"

being human, i know that i can glorify God the best by being who he created me to be. but i am only human. we are only human. just a few short weeks before wren's birth, i remember michael and i going out for supper and having a few very sobering conversations. ones that you kind of wonder..."in God's own way, did he honor my complaints?" if there is anything that i've learned this past year, it is the power of words and the power of confession. speaking that which is not as though it were. michael and i had admitted a few things that looking back on it now, in an ironic sort of way...our desires were granted. he had said, "sometimes i just wish i could be alone. you know. all alone for just a little while." (don't worry, i didn't take offense to this because being a pregnant woman...i'm sure many men wish to be 'alone'!) i had said, "you know? sometimes i wish i could go back and truly enjoy the time i had when it was just me...and then just you and me." but more than that, i remember the literal cry of my heart being, "God draw me closer to you. no matter what it takes. bring me to your throne." i know He knew what it would take. what i'm getting at i guess...is that through all of this, God was glorified. in my heart, in our marriage, in our family. He revealed himself beyond all measure...and in the process, michael and i got to experience that which sounded so appealing at the time. and of course, it brought none of the satisfaction we thought it would. just a deeper longing for each other, for Christ, and for our children. :) so, thank you Father...for being good in All you are and all you do for us. for seeing the greater picture beyond what we see. and for fulfilling your will for our lives in spite of our human nature. thank you for being forgiving 77 x's 7. and thank you for being Love.

sometimes i wonder why we were brought to such a difficult path. such a fork in the road. but then all i need to do is to look into the faces of emma and wren. and i know, it's not about me. it's not about us. but just about him. a lesson i need to be taught over and over and over again. a reminder. may we always glorify God in all we do.

there. that's my preaching for the night. please remember to be praying for jill and darren, isaac and lauren. but also, for their extended family. i know what breaks the hearts of them...breaks the hearts of their parents and brothers and sisters also. cover them.

Friday, June 11, 2004 6:13 PM CDT

you all think that i'm still on these machines because my lungs haven't developed yet.....well, let me tell you something. mom and dad figured out my secret tonight! i've mastered boy-hood. :) here i am lounging on my cushion, being fed by a machine, my breathing is even done by a machine...all i have to do is sit back and watch t.v. hmmmmm....let's think about that one! :) mom tried to do something to my vent and was blocking my view of the cartoon....boy did i let her know i didn't like that! i craned my neck as far as i could to try to look around her...finally dad said, "hey mom! move! the boy is trying to see." so she did, and i layed right back down. we're just hangin' out in the basement tonight...avoiding the potential nasty weather. it's a lot of fun down here. easier to move because i have more tube freedom. :)

if you are interested, the kinds of items that mom is looking to put into a gift basket for jill and darren would be like granola bars, animal crackers, juice boxes, crackers, gift certificates to something like mcdonald's or kfc (both of those are close to the hospital in rochester)...or anything else you can think of. feel free to give her a call at 385-1789. or if you have something else you wanted to send, she'd be glad to take it. thanks for your prayers and help. :) lots of love to all....wren

Thursday, June 10, 2004 6:14 AM CDT

i am going to hopefully be putting together some sort of a welcome basket with snacks and such in it to bring over to jill and darren this weekend. i don't think they are going to be there until monday or tuesday, but i am planning on dropping it off at the ronald mcdonald house to be there waiting for when they get there. if anyone would like to add to it or send something over, you can call me at 385-1789. i think the best things, of course, would be non-perishable items. and i believe lauren will be with them too, so if you have any thing that you can think of for her, that would be wonderful. she exact same age as emma was when we began. (2 1/2). thank you all for your support and prayers for this family. they are amazing people, and if you ever get the chance to meet them....consider yourselves very blessed. erin

Friday, June 4, 2004 9:42 AM CDT

i will put a picture on probably next weekend with it actually on. but i don't think i'll be wearing it before our anniversary next saturday....but here it is in the box! :)

Thursday, June 3, 2004 2:32 PM CDT

okay, they will be announcing the winner today on z99 at about 9:30. :) so i guess i have to hold my breath too!

i might be keeping you all in suspense longer than i intended. sorry about that! i guess you can still vote today if you would like. i'm not really sure when they will announce the winner. tomorrow maybe? but i promise as soon as i know anything, i'll pass it on and update. :)
ENJOY the day today! beautiful outside. soak up some of that vitamin d. it's all good.
oh yeah, wren got fitted for his hearing aids today. his sister picked out neon green ones for him. :) should turn lots of heads (although bringing him in public does that anyway!) our supply company also just got re-approved for a more transportable vent. it's probably about the size of a laptop. so, for those of you who have seen the T-bird you know that this would be an AMAZING and wonderful thing for us to get our hands on. compared to the 40 some odd pounds of the vent he is on now, the laptop only would weigh about 13.5! yay. we would have to see if there was a way to hook up either a humidifier or else a hemostat at some point. wren still needs the moisture...but we are making baby steps. we'll see what happens. :)
one more reminder of the necklace website. it is www.keez.com and go under the jo mama contest to vote. have a great day.

Wednesday, June 2, 2004 8:42 AM CDT

well, i believe today is the last day to vote. :) so hit your polls. or at least the keez website. :) tomorrow they will be announcing the next "jo mama". (can you tell i'm at a lack for entertainment this week?) so anyway, as a grammy nominee i would just like to thank my hubby and children for nominating me, and for all you wonderful people who have taken the time to love me and vote for me. but most of all i want to thank my Heavenly Father for bringing us through this last year. :) there, i've always wanted to do that!
hee hee. not much going on here. we were approved for wren's kid kart which is kind of like a mini wheel chair, but houses the vent and oxygen tank and pulse ox and suction bag and emergency trach bag and diaper bag and has a place to hook all the tubes! he is still working on talking. absolutely loves it. :) it's fun to see him growing and developing personality and skills.
hope you all had a wonderful and safe memorial day. in spite of the rain, it turned out to be a fun time with the family at the lake. we flew kites (broke kites), walked on the trails. went "bombing" as emma would call it...it's actually a bombadeer 4-wheeler. pontuning (sp?) on the frigid windy water. and just spending time with the grandparents and great grandparents. we are looking forward to next year when wren will be able to joing us. :) God bless. erin lee

Monday, May 24, 2004 9:52 PM CDT

i am talking up a storm today. i figured out how to get air around my trach and across my vocal box. :) so all day i've been chanting in my crib, "ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-oh-oh-ah-ah" mom, of course, whipped out the video camera. documentation! and dad just cheered. emma said, "hey! wren's trying to talk!" what a fun day. :)

it's amazing that pretty much everything with wren comes across as amplified. :) especially his accomplishments. not one seems to go unnoticed. shouldn't it be that way with everyone? :) have a great day.

oh, and for those of you who have not voted yet...GET ON IT! ha ha. just kidding. but anyway, for those of you who have not voted yet...the directions again are as follows:
google search - KEEZ Z99 once there there is a tool bar on the left hand side of the screen. go under "contests" and then scroll down until you come to the "jo mama" contest. click on the more info icon and it will pop you up to a screen where you can vote for any of the 5 wonderful finalists! :) have a wonderful night.

Friday, May 21, 2004 7:04 AM CDT

okay...so it's friday! :) the news is......
daddy entered mom into the "jo-mama" contest on Z99 and she is one of the 5 finalists to win. :) wasn't that nice? he wrote the essay on behalf of emma and i. so, anyway, it is up to the public on how to vote. i'm pretty sure you vote today...if you would like. you can just go to the Z99 website. (if you just go under google and enter KEEZ Z99 it should bring you there, and go to the "jo-mama" contest - they'll explain the rest - then go under the "contests" icon in the tool bar on the side...then you can vote. there are a lot of good entries!) anyway, if you would like to vote, they'll post the 5 finalists on there. i'm pretty sure you can vote today, but if i'm wrong...i'll let you know later. :)
so that's it. that's the surprise. but it sure was nice, huh? more later.....wren

(oh yeah, it's to win a $6,500 diamond necklace)

Wednesday, May 19, 2004 8:48 PM CDT

2 more days...are you in suspense? isn't this a fun game to play this week? i know some of you have the patience of me because i have gotten quite a few emails and calls! :) really, it's just a fun game. something to look forward to.

Monday, May 17, 2004 1:36 PM CDT

i guess mom has some exciting news curtesy of us kids (me and em)....okay and daddy too...but she can't share it until friday. :) i just wanted you all to sit in suspense for a little while!
life is wonderful here. mom is cheating just a bit...but not too much. she has taken the liberty of taking away my oxygen for short periods of time (like 10 minutes) to see how well i'd do. i do just smashingly. so here is a big thanks to Jesus for helping my lungs along...and looking forward to trying to wean off of some of my equipment this summer! thank you for continuing to uphold me in your thoughts and prayers...i appreciate it just as much today as i did the first day i was born. love to all...wren

Sunday, May 16, 2004 7:14 PM CDT

just a note to say, "doesn't that rain smell good?". we are thoroughly enjoying the refreshment of it. :)

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 9:27 PM CDT

so it seems like it would be a good night for an update. but i'd hate to do one without substance. oh well. :) i have these itchy bumps all over my body right now that i think mommy keeps referring to as the possibility of chicken pox or something. who let the chickens in? and why did they leave pox all over me? regardless, i just squiggle around a whole lot and i think that helps relieve some of the itching. for those of you who might be concerned about the severity of this on me mom says don't worry. i got my vaccination a week ago and she thinks that maybe i'm just having a reaction to that. anyway. some of them are already scabbing over, so if this in fact is a case of those funny pox, then i think i'm on the down slide. good thing! mommy took a drive to rochester today...without me! can you believe it? she said it's a lot different driving there just to drive there. not to see me at the hospital, bring me to the hospital, or meet me at the hospital...but just to go. she only stayed about an hour or so and then came home...but she said that was long enough. i'm startin' to groove with the summer stuff now. likin' the air conditioning more than not. mom and dad say we are going to start "speaking that which is not as though it were". i guess somewhat of a conviction thing has been tugging in their direction telling them that the power is there...God is there...we just have to start confessing those positive promises for me and over me. so that's what we are doing. if you would like to join in...please! be my guest! :) they are saying things like, "wren! can you believe that by Christ's blood your lungs have already been healed?!?" and "it is going to be so fun this summer when you are off the vent and oxygen. think of all the fun things we are going to do." and "i am so glad that those lung muscles and cell growths are getting to be so big and so strong. you are going to be such an amazing marathon runner!" "isn't it amazing that God can do above and beyond all that we think or even ask?" "and isn't it even more amazing that we can hope for your future. for things beyond our wildest imagination." "i am so glad that God knows the plans He has for you. plans for a hope and a future and not for calamity." "what an AMAZING GOD WE SERVE!"
you know, good stuff like that. for we know that this battle is not against flesh and blood but against the demons and principalities of this world. and we know that God has given us the power by the very Words that He has spoken. amen. have a great restful peaceful night. wren michael.

Sunday, May 2, 2004 6:06 PM CDT

just wanted to thank the three people who made it possible for me to be a mom. and God. so i guess that makes 4.

Saturday, May 1, 2004 6:56 PM CDT

hope you all are enjoying your weekend! mom had a blast at the city wide garage sale in eagle lake and found at least 1 good bargain! :) enjoy the rest of your weekend. love wren and emma

Thursday, April 29, 2004 11:24 AM CDT

Psalm 98
"The Lord has done amazing things,
Come sing new songs of praise!
He's won salvation by His might,
And blessed us all our days.
The Lord has kept His promises
To those He calls His own.
The nations all have seen the love
And goodness He has shown.
So, earth, rejoice! Shout out your joy!
Pour forth your joyful songs!
Use harp and horn and trumpet sound,
All praise to Him belongs!
All living in the sea, make noise!
Rejoice, all life on earth!
Come, rivers, loudly clap your hands,
And mountains, sing with mirth!
Let all sing praises to the Lord
Who comes to judge the land.
He'll judge with justice fairly poured
From His forgiving hands."

Dear God, remind me to look around in my life and see all the good You have given to me-especially Your love and forgiveness through Jesus. Then help me shout it to the world.
In Jesus' name. Amen!

wren had his 1 year check up today!!!!! :) from what we hear he can be a little intimidating. (to those who don't know him :) look at his face! intimidating? hee hee. anyway. he is 21 lbs. 26 inches and in the 50th percentile for his head. (corrected age anyway.) but!!!!! he is on the charts for a 1 year old. how incredible is that?!?!?! and i gotta tell you...this child makes me SO PROUD. if we are allowed to be proud as parents. he makes me beam everytime i get the chance to take him out into the public eye. i wish i could stop everyone and tell them what an incredible boy he is. but i'm pretty sure that is the mommy in me. he is a wonderful wonderful son. and we are blessed to have him in our lives. now for the nails part! he didn't even flinch when he got his shots today. okay, maybe a tiny flinch when he got the chicken pox...but that was is kind of a stingy one anyway. they poked for cbc and hemaglobin and then they did the HIB in his leg. i don't think he even knew he got poked. he is so tough! gotta love him. well...hoping everyone is having a wonderful day...and thank you all for the birthday wishes and the gifts. it is amazing to still be remembered and we just wanted to thank you for that. love the eccles

Monday, April 26, 2004 8:43 PM CDT

recapping God's success.

Monday, April 26, 2004 9:29 AM CDT

so i've thought and thought, and pondered and pondered....what to write on such an incredible day. hmmmm. i can tell you that i don't remember much of what i was doing last year at this time. i think i was getting ready to go on a big helicopter ride with mom. but this is what i do know (mom told me i could write today).
i know i came into the world crying at 585 grams. 12 inches long. now i'm 20 pounds and 26 inches long. i came in with a 3 percent chance of survival...and God turned that 3 percent into 300. just like he turned the five loaves of bread and two fish into feeding the multitudes....with some to spare :) i've realized that sometimes God moves to different places and we need to follow Him there....but also that He will come and meet me where i'm at in my heart. :)
now onto thanking everyone. where to even begin. the beginning. i have to thank all my NICU nurses and Dr.'s because without you i would never have made it past my first breath. the RT's and the team who initially got me stabalized. and dr. moir for continually attending to my 'gut'! :) i felt more than loved while in the NICU. and i know each and every one of you gave me your best when you cared for me. i know that some of you even went home at night (or in the morning) still thinking about me when i was having a bad day. and beyond that...would call to check on me. amazing. that's what i call loving your job and what you do. i know i've said it a hundred times, but there is nothing in the world that i could ever do, no amount of money i could ever pay, and nothing i could obtain that could ever repay you for what you've done for me. so with that, i thank you.
my PICU team who, once i moved, really got things rolling. and in came dr. thompson and wendy and dr. moir to do their mending. thank you to the very special nurses who loved me above and beyond their call of duty. who sang to me at night when mommy wasn't there and who rocked me while watching tv so i could feel more 'boyee'. :) thank you for giving me the best care too right before i was ready to come home. you know i'm comin' back to visit every now and then, and it is so fun to see everyone.
thank you to Ronald's House for making it oh so possible for mom and dad to stay close to me.
thank you to the kind strangers in Rochester who made being away from home for mom and my big sister not so bad. for the gifts and kind words and offer for anything should the need arise. for the emergency babysitting. and for the companionship. it means more than you'll ever know.
now for the big one that i don't know if even possible to tackle. for everyone back home and around the world who were praying unceasingly for me. i know that this all began with God. i know that without Him willing me to take another breath...i would be in heaven seated at His banqueting table right now. thank you for the gas cards and phone cards and restaurant gift certificates. for the baby gifts and flowers, phone calls and cards. for supporting me and my family both financially and emotionally. it is absolutely impossible for mom and dad to even beging to comprehend the the wealth of love and friendship they acquired this past year...but know that this time in our lives will never...not ever...be forgotten. we all know there is still a path ahead of us that is going to have more turns in it, but the one thing that remains constant is Jesus. and with God the Father sending His son to die for us and then His son's Holy Spirit to continue the work that was begun....we know that all things are possible for those who believe. and yes, we believe. it has been a miraculous year. and i would love to write something profound and wise and wonderful...but i'm to choked up with love and an overwhelming gratitude, that i thought it would be more important to just let you all know what an amazing part you've all played in my life. i'm a little brain joggled right now, so if i forgot something or someone (which i'm sure i did because i always do) please know that you will come to my mind later and then i'll have to revamp everything i just wrote anyway! :) i love you all...and mommy says she will try to get some 1 year old pictures on of me later on today. right now, i'm writing in my sleep. love BIG wren michael eccles.

Sunday, April 25, 2004 12:04 AM CDT

another thought as i walked yesterday. (me and God often have many a pondering discussions...well, i ponder - He listens patiently). and i thought. i used to wonder why God would think it better to be hot or cold in your relationship with him. why would cold be better than being on the fence? isn't being on the fence closer than being completely away from him? and wouldn't He want even a tiny relationship with someone? as if to think that He would say, "okay, well if that's all that you can give me...then i'll take what i can get." Ha ha ha HA! was i ever silly. until yesterday. (okay, maybe i'm still a little naive). and of course God could show me by setting out examples in my own life. life is good, isn't it? as i was walking, i kept thinking...."God?!?! i am really beginning to be done with this part of my life. i'm ready to move on to the grand and glorious 'normal' life. i'm thankful, Lord, that wren is doing so well. he is down on his oxygen and he is getting stronger by the day....he is not critically ill...but God he is not completely whole either. i feel like he is riding the fence. and it is frustrating to sit and wait for either an accomplishment or a fall out. (pause-pause-pause)" "Oh." how many times have i ridden the fence when all God wished me to do is to either fall passionately in love with him....or to just walk away. yet, i know he doesn't lose patience the way i do. but i gotta wonder how he views that part of our human life.
God is good. all the time. and i cannot wait for the day when all that he is will continually be revealed...face to face! :) God bless

Saturday, April 24, 2004 2:53 PM CDT

today i took a walk. both a literal and metaphorical journey. physically, i walked to the park. mentally i walked back a year and found myself just coming out of my anesthesia to bid farewell to my newborn son as he took his first car ride down to st. mary's. so many of you walked this walk with us this past year. so, for a cheeky metaphor, just as a walk down to lion's park brought hills both going up and down, cracks in the sidewalk, twists and turns...and then inevitably to the goal that we were trying to reach (the park)....so this journey has brought us the same. only this path was very unbeknownst to us and those hills and twists and turns and cracks were all very much a surprise every step along the way. still are. there have been many a day when i've questioned God's sovereignty and sadly i must admit, ability in all of this. but then IN all of His soveriegnty He reminds me, "Rejoice always, I will say it again rejoice...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and thanksgiving make your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." He reminds me that He knows the plans He has for me. for us. and then He also reminds me from Romans, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
keeping our eyes on that final goal of Jesus Christ has been the saving grace. He came and found us where we were at...amongst our sorrow and unbelief and safely brought us through the storm. my heart has been taught by the hand of the Almighty God. if i could re-cap all the things i've learned over the past 12 months, i would. fortunately, God has given me an entirely different heart than the one i started with. i still need those reminders often though of Who he is and what He has done for me. He knows exactly what we NEED at the exact moment...and bestows with a loving heart and a fatherly compassion the grace we'll need to get through. today, that was a hug and a prayer and a shoulder to cry on from someone who heard his voice. thank you. i've celebrated the life and the miracle and the amazing gift God gave us when he chose to trust us with wren...and as with any hard gift, you grieve at some of the dreams that you lost. Corinthians 13:13 "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." and so daily i lay down my life and i cling the the faith that God has allowed me to have in Him. i hope for the future that He has prepared for us. and most of all i love. i love my husband. i love my children. and i love my Jesus. i love that He loved me enough to know what my heart and life needed. and that is wren. i love Him for sparing the life of my son. i love Him for the miracles that He continues to work daily on our behalf. but mostly i love Him only because He loved me first. God is love and without Him, i would not know how to love. He is majestic and He is wonderful. and how deeply i love to just bask at His feet in awe and wonder to just soak up who He is. in all His infinite wisdom. today is the anniversary of the day that my life was forever changed.

Monday, April 19, 2004 9:33 AM CDT

for your son or daughter...

To My Grown-Up Son

My hands were busy through the day;
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to -
I didn't have much time for you.
I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook;
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me plase to share your fun,
I'd say; "A little later, son."

I'd tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your payers, turn out the light
Then tip-toe softly to the door....
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

For life is short, the years rush past....
A little boy grows up so fast.
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.
The Picture books are put away;
There are no longer games to play.
No good-night kiss, no prayers to hear
That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands, once busy, now are still
The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I could go back and do
The little things you asked me to.

author unknown



I know life gets busy...and all too often i find myself wishing away the busy years. But praise God for the hind-sight and wisdom of our parents that helps us regain a perspective on the blessings we have today. from here on out, i will wake up every morning and remind myself that today is going to flee all to fast, and i am going to soak up every moment i have with my children....because someday they will be somewhere else tucking in their own. :) a good thing. but i know it will come faster than what i ever wished for. God bless

Sunday, April 18, 2004 3:43 PM CDT

A SONG IN THE DARK max lucado

On any other day, I probably wouldn't have stopped. Like the majority of people on the busy avenue, I would hardly have noticed him standing there. But the very thing on my mind was the very reason he was there, so I stopped.
I'd just spent a portion of the morning preparing a lesson out of the ninth chapter of John, the chapter that contains the story about the man blind from birth. I'd finished lunch and was returning to my office when I saw him. He was singing. An aluminum cane was in his left hand; his right hand was extended and open, awaiting donations. He was blind.
After walking past him about five steps, I stopped and mumbled something to myself about the epitome of hypocrisy and went back in his direction. I put some change in his hand. "Thank you," he said and then offered me a common Brazilian translation, "and may you have health." Ironic wish.
ONce again I started on my way. Once again the morning's study of John 9 stopped me. "Jesus saw a man, blind from birth." I paused an dpondered. If Jesus were here he would see this man. I wasn't sure what that meant. But I was sure I hadn't done it. So I turned around again.
As if the giving of a donation entitled me to do so, I stopped beside a nearby car and observed. I challenged myself to see him. I would stay here until I saw more than a sightless indigent on a busy thoroughfare in downtown Rio de Janeiro.
I watched him sing. Some beggars grovel in a corner cultivating pity. Others unashamedly lay their children on blankets in the middle of the sidewalk thinking that only the hardest of hearts would ignore a dirty, naked infant asking for bread.
But this man did none of that. He stood. He stood tall. And he sang. Loudly. Even proudly. All of us had more reason to sing than he, but he was the one singing. Mainly, he sang folk songs. Once I thought he was singing a hymn, though I wasn't sure.
His husky voice was out of place amid the buzz of commerce. Like a sparrow who found his way into a noisy factory, or a lost fawn on an interstate, his singing cinjured up an awkward marriage between progress and simplicity.
The passerby had various reactions. Some were curious and gazed unabashedly. Others were uncomfortable. They were quick to duck their heads or walk in a wider circle. "No reminders of harshness today, please." Most, however, hardly noticed him. Their thoughts were occupied, their agendas were full and he was...well, he was a blind beggar.
I was thankful he couldn't see the way they looked at him.
After a few minutes, I went up to him again. "Have you had any lunch?" I asked. He stopped singing. He turned his head toward the sound of my voice and directed his face somewhere past my ear. His eye sockets were empty. He said he was hungry. I went to a nearby restaurant and bought him a sandwich and something cold to drink.
When I came back he was still singing and his hands were still empty. He was grateful for the food. We sat down on a nearby bench. Between bites he told me about himself. Twenty-eight years old. Single. Living with his parents and seven brothers. "Were you born blind?"
"No, when I was young I had an accident." He didn't volunteer any details and I didn't have the gall to request them.
Though we were almost the same age, we were light-years apart. My three decades had been a summer vacation of family excursions, Sunday school, debate teams, football, and a search for the Mighty One. Growing up blind in the Third World surely offered none of these. My daily concern now involved people, thoughts, concepts, and communication. His day was stitched with concers of survival: coins, handouts, and food. I'd go home to a nice apartment, a hot meal, and a good wife. I hated to think of the home he would encounter. I'd seen enough overcrowded huts on the hills of Rio to make a reasonable guess. And his reception...would there be anyone there to make him feel special when he got home?


To be continued.....

I came whisker-close to asking him, "Does it make you mad that I'm not you?" "Do you ever lie awake at night wondering why the hand you were dealt was so different from the one given a million or so others born thirty years ago?"
I wore a shirt and tie and some new shoes. His shoes had holes and his coat was oversized and bulky. His pants gaped open from a rip in the knee.
And still he sang. Though a sightless, penniless hobo, he still found a song and sang it courageously. (I wondered which room in his heart that song came from.)
At worst, I figured, he sang from desperation. His song was all he had. Even when no one gave any coins, he still had his song. Yet he seemed too peaceful to be singing out of self-preservation.
Or perhaps he sang from ignorance. Maybe he didn't know what he had never had.
No, I decided the motivation that fit his demeanor was the one you'd least expect. He was singing from contentment. Somehow this eyeless pauper had discovered a candle called satisfacation and it glowed in his dark world. Someone had told him, or maybe he'd told himself, that tomorrow's joy is fathered by today's acceptance. Acceptance of what, at least for the moment, you cannot alter.
I looked up at the Niagara of faces that flowed past us. Grim. Professional. Some determined. Some disguised. But none were singing, not even silently. What if each face were a billboard that announced the true state of the owner's heart? HOw many would say "Desperate! Business on the rocks!" or "Broken: In Need of Repair," or "Faithless, Frantic, and Fearful"? Quite a few.
The irony was painfully amusing. This blind man could be the most peaceful fellow on the street. No diploma, no awards, and no future - at least in the aggressive sense of the word. But I wondered how many in that urban stampede would trade their boardrooms and blue suits in a second for a chance to drink at this young man's well.
"Faith is the bird that sings while it is yet dark."
Before I helped my friend back to his position, I tried to verbalize my empathy. "Life is hard, Isn't it?" A slight smile. He again turned his face toward the direction of my voice and started to respond, then paused and said, "I'd better get back to work."
For almost a block, I could hear him singing. And in my mind's eye I could still see him. But the man I now saw was a different one than the one to whom I'd given a few coins. Though the man I now saw was still sightless, he was remarkably insightful. And though I was the one with eyes, it was he who gave me a new vision.

Thursday, April 15, 2004 10:21 PM CDT

jkfxddfcvgtr
(emma had to write "her name" before she went to bed)

just to update the pictures and let you all know i am feeling better every day. :) working hard and growing. mom says i'm almost one and that is a "one"derful thing! love to all....wren

Thursday, April 8, 2004 5:34 PM CDT

point to ponder as we celebrate the death and LIFE of our Lord. -
To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do - to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst - is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed. (The Sacred Journey)

allow God to transform you today. :) God bless.

Tuesday, April 6, 2004 9:43 AM CDT

well, we came home on sunday night. uneventful trip. God always seems to bless us in that area. wren is doing better. (kind of a given because we are home :) i just wanted to let you all know that we are back where we are supposed to be! i am working on getting a couple new pictures on, but i need my hubby to teach my one more time how to resize them and the like. lots of love. erin lee

Sunday, April 4, 2004 8:45 AM CDT

the echo came back good. his right ventricle is still a little enlarged, but there is no hypertension to be found. it is something that they will keep their eye on, but they tell us that it is not a worrisome thing for now. they are going to run a few more labs today. i'm not exactly sure of everything they are checking for, but i know one of them is the sterroid level in his blood. they were questioning whether or not his tolerence level is going down when it comes to fighting off sickness. otherwise it looks as though we will be set to come home tonight. whew.

one thing to pray for. the pulminologist, obviously, has been greatly involved for the past 2 days and has gotten a good look at wren. he says wren's problem is that he still has small lungs. (we already knew that). he labeled it as dys. a dysynchromatic growth between the body and the lungs. you all know that he is growing VERY well. :) but those lungs are taking their lolygaggin' time trying to catch up. he said he used to take care of a few little fellows like wren and that they were off of the vents by 3-5 YEARS! okay, i have patience....but i really really really don't want wren to have this vent for that long. so our prayer request is this. pray for those lungs to GROW. and to grow at a miraculous rate. also pray for the weaning process. no one really knows what the best way is going to be when we finally do reach that road of going vent free. i believe that is all for now. thank you again for your prayers. eccles

Friday, April 2, 2004 1:25 PM CST

sorry about all the suspense. travel time and getting settled at the hospital don't all facilitate computer correspondence real well. but we are here and settled finally. so our little guy did things in the manner that he usually does. fast and furious. on wed. night he was doing awesome. we actually had him below 1 liter of oxygen. the night nurse said he was a little restless and that she just kept repositioning and venting his belly (thinking it was gas). got him through till morning. michael left for work and then it was bath time. by morning, he just really had not woken up or come around to being his normal playful self, i just chalked it up to a long night and thought he was sleeping in. mid bath he needed some suctioning and nurse karen and i noticed some blood in his secretions. we got him out of the bath and did some more suctioning. by this time his o2 sats were dropping and his heart rate and respirations were going up. key sign of a mucus plug. so we did a trach change only to find there was nothing...at least not in the trach. by this time he was up to 5 liters of oxygen on the one oxygenator and i didn't want to play around and get the second hooked up. we called ent over here in rochester and they said to have an ambulence come get him and get him over to isj to stabalize him. there they would formulate a transport team to come pick him up via mayo one. so we called 911 and bless our hearts dave lundquist and his partner came. it's nice to see a familiar face in the midst of a chrisis. they got him loaded up on the stretcher vent and all and we took a "fun" trip to the hospital. (wren is always up for excitement!) once we were there they started running some labs and xrays. it's hard to stabalize him when the equipment that you need is an hour and a half away. but they did their best and we kept him going until mayo one got there. his heart rate had gotten upwards of 220, and ironically you could hear air moving through his lungs okay, but he just was not ventilating. because of certain regulations, the vent is not allowed on the chopper so the team bagged him until he reached rochester. michael and i watched him take off from isj and both felt very calm about everything. we kind of laughed on our way over (not to lightly) but said to ourselves, "we definitely have been doing this a while. we're either emotionally detatched or immune to wren's emergency situations. somewhere along the lines you feel like you have to check your emotions at the door while in the midst of the emergency....but then you have to remember to pick them back up again when you leave." we found ourselves actually looking forward to eating at all of our favorite restaurants over here. i think in our hearts we know it is not going to be a long stay...so that makes it bearable. wren made it here just fine. in fact ed (r.t.) said he slept the whole way. so, maybe he is going to follow in his grandpa's footsteps.
once here the teams got right on him. they are actually going to run an echo today. in one of the xrays yesterday the right ventricle of his heart looked a little enlarged. not saying anything about the possibilities of what it might be....but with his lungs still not being super strong, there is always the possibility of hypertension in the heart. we'll see. i'll let you know as tests come back. he is doing better today. still not quite himself, but getting better. still bloody mucus in the trach and just a little livid.
i want to thank amanda for taking my daughter initiative as always :) and thank you to grandpa and grandma for the indoor picnic. it will have to wait 'till next week....but it is at home waiting. :) and thank you most of all to all of you who have been praying. we all know who is in control of wren's life...and we appreciate more than anything the constant laying of wren at the feet of Jesus. my son is incredible. he reminds me more often than not where the best place is for my heart to be. love you all. and i will try and get an update on later today....but it might be tomorrow.

Thursday, April 1, 2004 12:53 AM CST

just a quick note...wren woke up this fine april fool's day morning and decided it was a good day to take a helicopter ride. no joke. really. he was air lifted at about 12:16 over to st. mary's. we will have more on his status once we get over there. thanks.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004 2:45 PM CST

new weigh in. 19 lbs. 14 oz. i am doing pretty well. i've seemed to get over this last little possible cold that i had. i'm succeeding very well with my therapy. lots of little baby steps in progress...but progress none the less! i know this was kind of short, but i just wanted to give you a new weight! love wren

Saturday, March 27, 2004 12:14 AM CST

as i am sitting here with tears streaming down my face after reading isaac herweyer's new page, i feel compelled to finish my story. maybe with the same words, but in a different light. i have added his link onto the bottom of this page. please, please, lift up this little boy and family with all your hearts.
backtracking. as the servent was recounting the story of the well and how he petitioned God to make his journey a success to laban and bethuel (rebekah's brothers) and requesting of them for her to be the wife of isaac, this was their reply.
"The matter comes from the Lord; so we cannot speak to you bad or good."
"Behold, Rebekah is before you, take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master's son, as the Lord has spoken."
in biblical days the responsibility of the sister and her well being was often commissioned to the older brothers. i'm sure as these brothers, particularily laban, sat there and thought about this man's proposition for their sister, they had to have had their own human doubts. the servant was pushing them saying, "so now if you are going to deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me; and if not, let me know, that i may turn to the right hand or the left."
these men stopped. set aside all that was within them and replied,
"The matter comes from the LORD; so we cannot speak to you bad or good."
they realized that for as many opinions that they probably held, as much as they loved their sister, and no matter how hard they would have wanted to make their own decision in the matter...this matter was from the Lord. they obediently desired to follow. not to say they didn't revert back to their human nature. if you read further you'll find that as the sun rose the next morning and the servant was ready to take her home, the brothers said, "wait! let us consult with our sister and see what her wishes are." maybe? maybe? will she not want to go?
but as God would have it be...when she was asked,"will you go with this man?"
she replied, "i will go."
and so, this is the blessing to isaac and rebekah given by her family.
"may you, our sister,
become thousands of ten thousands,
and may your descendants possess the gate of those who hate them."
and little did they know that that was EXACTLY what God had in store for her and isaac.
you can take whatever point out of the story you wish...but man what struck my heart was the brothers saying "we can speak neither good nor bad about the situation." why? because it was from the Lord.
often i have issues with biting my toungue. it is so easy to get caught up in the circumstance and to see each individual tree instead of the forest. to see not what i have, but what i have not. and honestly...that is when my toungue sets fire. what an awesome reminder of the fact that this is NOT ABOUT ME! i should speak neither good nor bad about what i am BLESSED with because this is from the Lord. this incredible blessing of a child. oh, i could go on and on...but i'll leave it at that. what a blessing. thank you Lord.
my second point that really has nothing to do with wren's situation...but brought the "chills of God" non the less was when rebekah dismounted her camel and just stopped. "who is this man?" i can just picture her. the sun setting over the field where isaac was - almost dusk. as she passes the field she looks over and sees the sillouhette of a man in the distance walking towards her. in an instant knows that this is the man. the man whom God has created for her. none the less she comes down off of her camel and as her heart swells with hope she asks the servant, "who is this man?"
the servant i would imagine is still upon his camel, smiling softly to himself as he watches this love unfold and he replies in a quiet voice, "that, my dear, is my master. your husband."
as the words came out that she hoped to hear she pulls the veil over her face. now that i don't know what it meant back in those days, but right now, if it were me, i would do it out of complete reverence and awe and probably a little shyness. she was enamored! to fall in love with your family. to cherish them. to embrace them. to hold them dearest and closest and with the utmost importance. to place them before yourself. but first and foremost to have God at the very head of all that He gave to you. what an amazing God we serve. that He would WANT to bless us. doesn't that give you the chills? God bless.

Friday, March 26, 2004 1:29 PM CST

i was listening to the radio this morning as i was cleaning. a program came on about marriage. particularily rebekah's marriage to issac. the way the story was told was amazing!
it started out with abraham's servant going to abraham's kinsmen to find a wife for isaac. you all know the story of how he went to the well, and requested of God that for his journey to be successful, may the woman who comes to the well and not only answers his request for water, but also offers to water his camels...then she will be the one. and so it goes on that this servant of abraham spends the night and returns with rebekah the next day.
rebekah was adorned with gold jewelry of which was customary in that day. as she and the servant came upon the field where isaac was meditating, rebekah lifted up her eyes and dismounted from her camel and said to the servant, "Who is that man walking in the field to meet us?" the servant replied, "He is my master."
can't you just feel the awe? i can picture it in my mind...oh, i'll finish this later...suspense. :) actually family showed up...but i do have a point to this story. pray i don't forget it before tonight. :) erin lee

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 10:12 PM CST

well! it's about time. i got to go outside today for my first "big boy" walk. mommy got the gumption up and she and karen loaded me in my stroller and took me for a couple rounds around the block. never knew the world could be so bright! mommy wanted to get some pictures on of me walking outside (okay riding outside), but, of course, the digital camera's batteries were dead. so we have to wait to develop the film. good enough. i loved the smell of the air today. mommy, of course, had the windows open all day long. mmmmmmm.
i guess i really haven't put much of an update on my development lately. i'll try a little run down. i get therapy on tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays and fridays. they are all so kind to come to my house instead of me having to travel out. that's kind of a huge deal to get me anywhere for any lengthy period of time! anyway, deal is we are working on my muscle development in hopes that that helps to strengthen my lungs and get me off of these machines quicker. i am extremely alert. my strong point is that i am very aware and very social and interactive. very smart and ready to learn...just hindered by equipment for the time being (but my secret is...not too much longer. i'm ready to dump these machines.) i do not take any food orally, but we are working on overcoming this oral aversion that i have. mind over matter. that's what it is. i just have to retrain my brain not to over-react when something is put into my mouth...set on my toungue or touched to the roof of my mouth. too many intubations kind of set me off on that one. now my brain tends to think that everything is bad and nothing should go in my mouth. but like i said, soon enough i will win that battle too. i love to play with toys and in my play saucer. i am very good and transferring toys from one hand to the other, and getting my feet up. i'm still not sitting on my own, but am working on my back muscles slowly but surely. it's hard to do tummy time when you have a pile of tubes to lay on...but we are all creative and getting better every day. i like to smile and laugh a lot lately. i am VERY strong. and if i get my hands on something make no doubt that i will rip it off of whatever it might be attatched to. i like to turn the pages when i have story time, and touch all the pretty pictures. i am very curious at the world around me. i want to explore, but for now i have to be content to just look from where i am at. mom and dad both say i am amazing and daddy tells me that i'm his hero. i like that. they are totally in love with my sister and me, and can't imagine our family any other way. just to let you all know. :) love you all and for now i think that is it. have a great day...and oh, did you feel the sun on your face today? it was wonderful. g'night. wren.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004 4:00 PM CST

please, if you have not, visit luke's website and be praying. i know this is very short...but it is a needed thing. love to all. wren

Saturday, March 20, 2004 9:39 PM CST

i was just re-reading some of my journal history...and thought this to be a good gentle reminder to myself...
(july 3rd)

"In Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream at night; and God said, 'Ask what you wish me to give you.'" (Solomon's Prayer) "Then Solomon said, "Thou hast shown great lovingkindness to Thy servant David my father...and now, O Lord my God, Thou hast made Thy servant king in place of my father David, yet I am but a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in...So give Thy servant an understanding heart to judge Thy people to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Thine?" (God's answer) "And it was pleasing in the sight of the Lord that solomon had asked this thing. And God said to him, "Because you have asked this thing and have not asked for yourself long life, nor have asked riches for yourself, nor have you asked for thelife of your enemies, but have asked for yourself discernment to understand justice, behold, I have done according to your words. Behold, I have given you a wise and discerning heart, so that there has been no one like you before you, nor shall one like you arise after you." "And I have also given you what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that there will not be any among the kings like you all your days." "And if you walk in My ways, keeping My statutes and commandments, as your father David walked, then I will prolong your days."
There is a man by the name of Mike Bickel who has done a full, extensive (more than 10 years), in depth, passionate and exegetical teaching on the Song of Solomon. as i was listening to one of his tapes the other day he started talking about the kisses of the Lord's mouth. King Solomon - the greatest king ever to reign - came upon this dream one night. when God came to him and said, "I will give you ANYTHNG you ask for...anything" and in return Solomon said, "Lord, give me the kisses of Your mouth. Give me Your wisdom, give me Your discernment...Lord, i want more of you and more of you is all i want." God replied,"I hoped you would say that, because that is the very thing i desire to give to you." Isn't it also so for us as parents? wives? husbands? friends? whatever the case may be. as a mother if i were to offer my kids whatever they wished...a new car, a paid tuition, an allowence, anything they desired and in return they said, "mom, all i want is to spend time with you. to know what you know. to play games with you or to go for a walk with you. to be more like you." can you imagine the honor i would feel? to have your child pick you above all else...even a long life. that makes it easier for me to imagine God smiling and saying, "Erin, that's all I've ever wanted to give to you is more of me." i don't need to beg for it, i don't have to deserve it. i don't even have to work for it...because He is my Father and bestows upon me what He deems best and nothing less than His absolute full blessings for my life. Can you feel it? i hope this heart of mine can help capture God's love for His people, His church, and you --- His bride. a statement once thought by Corrie ten Boom, "a courageous Christian woman who became a militant heroine of the anti-Nazi undergound." she writes, "Childhood scenes rushed back at me out of the night, strangely close and urgent. Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work he will give us to do." i am learning more and more that this is really not about me. as a comedy relief, in the movie "2 weeks notice", there is a part where a friend of Lucy's (Sandra Bullock) is sitting on the front steps with her, hugging her after a heart break. The friend's husband sticks his head out the window and yells something like, "is everything okay?". the friend turns her head upward and yells to him, "EVERYTHING is not about YOU!" what a good reminder to me! this life is not my own, but i was bought with a price. so may God use me...fully...not just in the ways that i think is best. i don't always know, nor do i understand, but as long as i know God does then i don't have to. He'll carry my burdens for me. He'll take care of all the details and the stuff i don't know about...and in return, He'll let me reap the benefits just for allowing Him to use me. i don't know about you but that seems like a pretty good deal to me. don't you think? an analogy once again taken from someone else...but i'm not to humble to admit that there are far more wise and knowledgeable people out there than i! :) this was a part where Corrie ten Boom was questioning her father on what a sexsin was. they were on the train returning from amsterdam to Haarlem. her father was a watchmaker and would go to buy parts from suppliers. These watch parts he would stick in a suitcase for the journey back and forth. "And so, seated next to Father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, "Father, what is sexsin?" He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. "Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. "It's too heavy," I said. "Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you." And I was satisfied. More than satisfied - wonderfully at pace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions - for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping." and in closing a quote from one of Jason Upton's cd's..."I will wait for you - Jesus - You're the Sun on my horizon. All my hope is in You - Jesus - I will see You now arise." today, i pray that God touches each and every one of you where you are at. let Him carry the burdens of tomorrow and kiss you with the kisses of His mouth today. Amen.

Thursday, March 18, 2004 9:05 PM CST

i am amazed...
when i look at you
i see you smiling back at me
it's like all my dreams come true.
i am afraid
if i lost you boy...
i'd fall through the cracks and lose my track
in this crazy lonely world.
sometimes it's so hard to believe
when the nights can be so long
but faith gives me the strenghth to keep me going on.
you are the love of my life,
and i'm so glad you found me.
you are the love of my life,
baby put your arms around me.
i guess this is how it feels
when you finally find something real
my angel in the night...
you are my love, the love of my life.

now here you are...with midnight closing in
you take my hand as our shadows dance
with moonlight on your skin
i look in your eyes.
lost inside your kiss
i think if i'd never met you
about all the things i'd miss
sometimes it's so hard to believe
when the love can be so strong
and faith gives me the strength to keep me goin on

you are the love of my life
and i'm so glad you found me
you are the love of my life
baby put your arms around me
i guess this is how it feels
when you finally find something real
my angel in the night....
you are my love....
my angel in the night...
you are my love
the love of my life....

michael w. smith

Tuesday, March 16, 2004 7:50 PM CST

so, i tried to do an update on sunday, but the computer really did not want to eat my words. so i ate them instead! it's been close to...what a month now? just kidding...but my runnings are holding strong with the span of time in between updates.
we went to rochester on friday for an ent appt. had a bronchoscopy, endoscopy, hearing test, and-ah yes-a circumcision done. still a little sore from the latter. but doing well. they upped me another trach size because i am growing so well :) and actually the dietician cut me back on my calories because i am growing TOO well. out...not up. anyway. things are looking pretty good. the tissue in my throat is still soft so no end in sight for dumping the trach or vent any time soon. but ma and pa still say by mid summer the vent is outta here if not before then. we'll see. :) my hearing test revealed similar results to the last one. they suspect minimal damage to the front part of the ear canal. if affects my ability to differentiate high frequencies like s's and t's and the like. so, probably within the next couple months i will be getting fitted for some cute little hearing aids. mommy says, "great! one more thing to keep track of!" but that's okay. it will help my speech development and that is a good thing. other than that, i spent the night in the hospital until saturday and then boogied my way outta there. the trip there and back were uneventful and mom says i ride like a champ. :) all good things. hope everyone doesn't feel too abandoned. enjoy the nice weather that is fast approaching and remember...be thankful for all that you have. it is good. very good. wren michael

Sunday, March 7, 2004 3:50 PM CST

okay okay okay! i suppose you guys are wondering if we are still alive...(i sometimes wonder the same thing!). we are. wren went and caught himself a little bug this week and has kept us on our toes. that goes without saying. along with this, my day nurse has just had a heck of a time with illnesses going around her house, so without a day nurse, i'm kind of limited to getting down on the computer. :) but all and all we are trudgin' through.......just like the weather. thursday morning was hectic and "fun". ha ha. wren all in one shabang pulled his g-tube out, pooped all over the bed, and lobbed up a mucus plug (warrenting an emergency trach change)...meanwhile, with all the heavy snow we had the previous night, our power went out making all the machines...well...not work. so, in the midst of the storm per say, we scurried our little medical minds together and got through it. which brings me to my next point. i know i have not had a prayer request in a while...but pray PRAY PRAY that this little bugga would want to come off of his oxygen and vent....FAST! we are quickly approaching the kind of weather i'm dreading. the weather consisting of power outages and tornados. and if you've seen wren's set up, you'll know that neither one is an easy task to deal with! not kidding. it has been my major petition to God. i think within the next week we will be putting a generator in our garage to make things a bit easier, but it is still a minor heart attack none the less. waking up to the peircing sirens of the equipment is not my idea of fun nor a good night's sleep! :) so, anyway, all and all we are doing quite smashingly. :) growing and working on a lot of muscle strength. he is one smart cookie though. all the therapists comment on how alert and interactive he is. a very good neurological sign. :) God bless you all, and i really really am so sorry that i could not get an update on sooner. i am aware that a few of you are still curious, and my dad keeps on my case about informing everyone. :) (although, i would do it anyway...it would probably be even more spread out though!) have a wonderful day, and God bless. erin lee

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 4:29 PM CST

so, i'm pretty sure that i'm a procrastinator in the way that i don't seem to write until my door is being "banged" on with people saying, "WHAT'S HAPPENING"!!!!!!! :) glad to know that most everyone is still a little bit curious. well, i'll spare you the gory details of my ever never-ending week last week. mommy and daddy keep learning more and more everyday. but the biggest thing they've learned is that they DO NOT LIKE ME BEING ON THE VENT!!!!!! it is a minor mix of a catastrophe waiting to happen! or at least a lot of little heart attacks. i'm pretty sure mommy went to bed on thursday night recouping from at least 5. but, i'm still here, and i'm still kicking. i got to meet some more wonderful therapists today. you would not believe the girlfriends i have! i'm tellin' ya guys. all you have to do is be a little sick and boy do those girls like to oogle on you. but this is my little secret. they are going to start working me HARD! i will be working on my muscular development in the hopes that it gets me off the vent sooner. and boy are these ladies smart! they will be starting to try to desensitize my mouth and gag reflex. working towards the ending goal of me eating food in a normal fashion! the list goes on and on. and so does mom's insanity. but thankfully God gave us trees and in return paper to keep all of her thoughts straight. i am getting to be quite the chunker. 18 pounds now. the p.t.'s commented on how fat my cheeks were and mentioned that we should probably try and get some of it to be muscle! :) i love that i am no longer a shrimp. i do, of course, have so much more to write. so many more words of wisdom (ha ha), but because it is the middle of the day, and wisdom eludes me at 3:00 in the afternoon, i'll have to wait until some night when i am pondering endlessly and i feel the need to throw up my thoughts! :) love you all. and sorry to keep you in suspense. have a wonderful day. wren
p.s. please check out...i've added a new little one who needs some faithful prayer.

Saturday, February 14, 2004 1:32 PM CST

hello Lord, it's me your child i...
have a few things on my mind.
right now i'm faced with big decisions
and i'm...wondering if you have a minute 'cuz
right now i don't hear so well
and i was wondering if you could speak up.
i know that you tore the veil
so i could sit with you in person and
hear what you're saying
but right now...
i just can't hear you.
i don't doubt your soveriegnty
i doubt my own ability
to hear what you're saying
and to do the right thing and i
desperately want to do the right thing...but...
right now i don't hear so well
and i was wondering if you could speak up.
i know that you tore the veil
so i could sit with you in person
and hear what you're saying
but right now...
i just can't hear you.
and somewhere in the back of my mind
i think you are
telling me to wait.
and though patience has never been mine
Lord, i will wait to hear from you....

growing up as a piano player, i had incredibly strong fingers...even stronger hands...and almost unmovable wrists. i used to play this game in high school called "mercy"...and though i'm not really proud of the fact now, back then i was overjoyed with the fact that i was pretty much unbeatable. yes, even to adults and boys. so the other day as i was cooking, i was thinking and praying particularily for jill and darren, but also for the many many families i met while in rochester. for some reasons these memories of this silly game came back to my mind, and i wondered why i prided myself so much in being so strong. (except to win the game) why did i find it so necessary to lock my wrists and refuse to cry mercy? i fought until i won and beat the other whom-ever to the ground. (girls...not a way to impress the boys. i found out they like to win!) of course spiritually comparing the two...i somewhat think that God was pointing out to me that so often i fight him tooth and nail for the "win" of the game. or at least what I believe to be the best victory and win. i refuse to cry out for mercy because i think that my plan is so much better. if i would just sit and lose myself for once and allow God to over-come me....i think the outcome of the "game" would be so much better. my heart aches....really aches for you, jill and darren. i cannot in my wildest dreams imagine the emotions that you are feeling right now. i get this nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach when i allow myself to think outside the realms of what God would have this be. and i am constantly reminding myself to pray for you. pray for this amazing life...this baby. pray for your covering, and all that God would pour upon you. and honestly, the one thought that keeps coming back to my mind is..."Oh, the plans i have for you." i can't begin to express what i feel towards your family, but know that i love you very very much. i'm praying for you without ceasing, and i know my words fall very short of the depth they need to reach in your hearts...but if i could find the right ones to help you through this at all...i would. we can sit here and say everything that has ever been said. we could send you cards and prayers and gifts to try and help you feel better. i could call you everynight. but i know, at the end of the day...when you go to bed at night...it is you that has to face all the challenges and uncertainties. and i am so sorry that i cannot take that from you. i wish i could give your mind a rest. i wish i could take from you the burden of facing yet another unknown. i wish i could offer you a break from the turmoil that your lives have faced over the past year. 4 years for that matter. i miss you guys and i love you very much. please call if you need anything.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 4:17 PM CST

i know this is short, trust me, i have a lot to say. but for now, know that we made it safely there and back from wren's appt. in rochester last week and he is tucked at home back in his bed :)
i just wanted to put on a special note. please be praying for jill and darren this week. she is going in for an ultrasound on thursday. you can visit their page to find out more, but just so you are aware that prayers are needed. 8 a.m. love to you all. erin lee

Tuesday, February 3, 2004 3:47 PM CST

thank you melissa...

God Knows A Good Mother
Mothers of Disabled Children by:
Erma Bombeck - May 11, 1980


Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit.
This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs
His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew."
"Forest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She is so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give
her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angle gasps. "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman who I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She
will never take for granted a 'spoken word'. She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Mama' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see My creations."
"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice...and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is
doing My work as surely as she is here by My side."
"And what patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Monday, February 2, 2004 2:21 PM CST

okay, okay, okay, okay....i promise i have not COMPLETELY fallen off of the face of the planet! just maybe the edge of it. but fallen into a world of schedule and comfort might i add! :) i just love this home life. my hair is even growing. (i am trying to get new pictures on). i must say, though, the one thing that this whole situation has NOT fixed is the technological ignorance of my mom. :) i love her dearly...but i don't think she could get a new picture on here to save her life. :)
so, food for thought. jen and jarrett and maija...and anyone else out there who has gone or is going through a critical time in their life right now. i know there are many of you...and sadly, before this happened to me and my family, i was not even aware that such a world existed. but now i am. mommy says there are days when she just cries. cries for everything she wishes were...and everything she wishes were not. there are times when she feels utterly trapped within the confines of "welcome to your life", and it almost becomes a clastrophobic feeling. no matter what you do, no matter how hard you close your eyes and wish, and no matter how many times you go over the "if only's"...life is what it is...and you can't take it back. unfortunately, you can't change the past, and consequently you are here to shape the future. there are moments when you fear the uncertainty of what the future might hold. you are afraid of being without...and weary from the thought of "what if this is forever?". there are some mornings when you wake up and have to spend a great deal of time reminding yourself of all there is to be thankful for. it becomes a matter of casting away the life that once was and plunging forward into what it is now. and sometimes you just have to cut down to the chase and say, "well, it is what it is...so what are you going to do with it?" it's hard, i think, for mommy and daddy to be surrounded by all that is familiar...but have it not be familiar at all. the days and evenings are filled with machine maintenance, and buzzers and dingers...which in a hospital is all and very well...but at home, the place that you've affiliated with a haven type feel...it feels a bit alien. the good news is i have, as you all know, qualified for 24 hour nursing care. the bad news is, i've qualified for 24 hour nursing care. for any of you moms out there...you know it's hard enough to leave your child with a babysitter you know. now we've invited a pile of them that we don't know to come and watch me. mommy has to trust that they will all love me and care for me with their highest standards. and if one doesn't work, then the reprocussion is that mommy has to take their place and stay with me for that duration of time. not a bad thing if you ask me :)
okay, but getting down to it. how to get through it...i guess we feel that though it has been a heart wrenching, strength draining, perseverence journey....it has all been under the watchful eyes of our heavenly Father. and we seriously CLING to His promises. He never promised a life of flowers and rainbows. He never promised we'd never feel pain...but He did promise that one day we will have a heart full of singing in place of the things that once brought us pain. He promised that joy would come in the morning. He promised that He would give us the strength to get through...and though mommy says she is so sure some days that her plans would have been much much better....He promised that His go far above and beyond anything she could ever think. and they are all for His good and His glory. so, i have to remind her that when she gave her life to Him...when she and daddy both gave their lives to Him...they really gave Him their all. not just part. and whatever lies ahead...Praise God...only has to be dealt with one day at a time. and with the help that we've gotten from all of you...goodness knows we will make it. we will be just fine :) the meals are great! mommy said she would like to get them forever, but knows that a weaning process will probably be in order sometime soon.
i watched my first Super Bowl yesterday. wow. football. pretty boyee and pretty cool! i have an ENT appt. in rochester on thursday. i'm not sure yet if i'm going to spend the night or not. if you ask me, mom is trying to pawn me off on the hospital for a night. she told me she has not been alone with daddy since...well...ummm...hmmm...yeah, it has been a while. she wanted to go to a movie or do something young and fun. i guess i don't mind hanging out with the old gang for a night to give mom and dad a little time together. other than that life has been uneventful. i am growing, although i don't know how much. it must be all the good dinners that mom is eating. :) i love you all very very very much...and i am so sorry that this takes me a week and a half in between entries to let you know how things are fairing. no news is good news...but i still like to connect every now and then. stay warm today. mommy and emma and brenna got out for a few moments this morning and rolled in the snow. theraputic. you should try it. oh, yes, and live life today as if expecting the unexpected...because you never know when the unexpected may come. no one ever asks for things to happen...they just do. and then you find yourself saying, "if only"....the most important thing...find your Savior. for when that day comes, there will be no turning back. there will be no more times to rectify, and there will be no second chances. not only that...i hear a life living for Him is far greater than a life without. :) love you. BIG BIG BIG Wren.

Saturday, January 24, 2004 3:30 PM CST

my cousins link is working now. shes' pretty darn cute.

if you get a chance, i just had a new cousin born last friday up in the cities. she decided to show up 12 weeks early. i tell ya, it's an eccles thing. anyway, i added her link to my links at the bottom. she is beautiful. (although, i'm not sure if there are any pictures on of her yet or not.) hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend....and yes, things are smoothing out around here. love you all...wren michael

Friday, January 23, 2004 1:50 PM CST

oh, if i could only tell you the week it has been...!!! but i don't think you all want to sit in front of the computer for any lengthy period of time. mommy hit the point one night where i could have swore i heard her say, "i want to go back to the hospital." but i'm pretty sure i was mistaken. :) she would never do that to me. or to herself. or to daddy or em. as a summary we went from having an absolutely horrible appt. at the pulminologists office (where i found out on monday that i am now 14 lbs. 6 oz.!) as in horrible mommy thought i wasn't going to make it, to having a circuit break on her on wed. when she was home alone and had to bag me until a plan could be devised, to spilling auj jue (sp?) sauce/soup and ketchup all over our new living room furniture, to daddy backing into a new car with our new van...and oh the list could go on. :) but we are still alive, and i think that this kind of excitement is just the funniest thing i've ever seen. mommy is working on potty training emma this week in the midst of everything else. will the fun never end?
me? what have i been up to besides growing and LOVING home life? i am now starting to reach and grab for toys and any other miscellaneous objects that mom throws in the crib. i am working on my "trunk" muscles and am sitting really well. (with a little support). i am moving my mouth to talk...but nothing comes out yet. mommy says as soon as my trach is gone, that will come. but boy, am i eating good! all of these meals this week are just yummy as can be. mommy is giving me mylecon with my feeds because she is eating so well, she figures i'm gonna get gassy and blow away. :) other than that, everything is just terrific. i think i'll stay here forever. or at least until i get married or go to school. :) love you all. i am trying to get my fingers on the keyboard more often to keep you updated...it's the challenge of a lifetime. HUGE wren

Sunday, January 18, 2004 11:16 AM CST

all i have...
all i've done...
i've given up...
i lay it down...
for all i want
is passion for...
the knowledge of
my Savior's love.
nothing else matters...nothing else matters but You - Lord Jesus, but you.
Your life for mine...it's really true.
all i have...
comes from you.
and all i want...
is passion for
the knowledge of
Your precious love.
nothing else matters...nothing else matters but You - Lord Jesus, but you.

Lord, take us to the cross. take us back to where You gave Your life for us. take us to the place where You set us free. it is here that we find our Savior, and it is here we find You, Lord. we've found forgiveness, and we've found life. it is the place where You've poured Your mercy upon our heads, and lavished Your love upon our hearts. it is here that we can know who You are.

as i have been gazing at wren this week, i guess i've never looked so deep into his eyes. maybe it is just the overwhelming feeling of being home, but i've found it impossible to look him in the eyes and not start to weep. God has given me an incredible gift in wren. us an incredible gift in wren. for when i look at him, i'm reminded daily of Who God is. when i touch him, i'm aware of the miracles that God can perform. when i look in his eyes, i see the promises that God has given. promises that He will always keep. when i hold him, i'm reminded of the extravagant love that God feels for me...His bride. when i study all that comes with wren, i'm reminded of the infinite wisdom God has given to us - his children - if we would only ask. when i'm overwhelmed by equipment and medical issues, i'm reminded of the trust i have found in Him. when i am tired and weary from staying up all night, i am reminded of the strength that God renews in our hearts each day. when i see him as a whole, i am reminded of the body of Christ, and how you have all encouraged and held us up in all we've been through. when i look at the clothes that are too big on him, i'm reminded of the hope. hope for a future. not harm. when i hold his hands, revealed to my heart is that i am not alone. God is walking beside me every step of the way. (i say me, i mean us. :) when i look at the very nature of who God created wren to be, i'm reminded of the promise that God will provide for our every need. and He has. i guess there really are no words...and i mean that...to express the overwhelming gratitude we feel. that thanks we could never repay. from the cards in the mail...to the van that was given to us lastnight. nicole and gil, i don't know if you wanted to remain anonymous, but once again...uh...ummm...errr..eh...thank you. i woke up this morning...well, i got up this morning and was still pinching myself as i walked out to our driveway to see the incredible gift you've given. we started our night out lastnight by michael going up to the monster truck rally. :) he is still all boy. then shannon came and brought our wonderful roast and yummy non-fattening cake for dinner and desert. then the dewes's stopped by to give us their van. i think i got a small feeling as to what it must be like to win the publishers clearing stakehouse. (or whatever it's called!) but then even in this overwhelming gift, the thought came to mind that just as i would never know how to say thanks or repay them, that is exactly what my life is to Jesus. only i think i often trivialize it because it is not a tangible thing parked in my driveway. Jesus giving His life for us...it can never be repayed, and there are no words that could ever be found that would begin to compare to the gratitude of eternal life...but it is a gift to us none the same. well, i know i've rambled...but i just thought you all should know. God has once again been faithful. thank you. eccles

Friday, January 16, 2004 2:59 PM CST

i forgot to mention that when i left the hospital, i weighed in at 13 lbs. and 13 oz.! and i am gaining on 22 inches. i've grown 10 inches since birth, and have gained 13 times my weight. mommy put my very first shirt that i wore on top of me the other day, and if she thinks of it, i'll have her take a picture, because it is absolutely unbelievable! anway. thank you to those of you who emailed mommy with some really good ideas! currently this is what is happening. mommy is going to check into a couple of the ideas, and daddy is trying to convince mommy to do a benefit "concert" of somesort. mommy says she's kind of chicken though. we'll see what happens. for now, we are going to go through a local van service for my appts. and if i ever should have an emergency, mommy will just call 911 and have an ambulence pick me up :) most likely if it is an emergency with my respiratory, i will have to take an ambulence or mayo one back to rochester anyway. lets hope that doesn't happen. my week has slowed down, and i am LOVING home. i think my hair is even beginning to grow. i love my nurses and am full of smiles whenever mommy or emma peeks a head over my crib. this is kind of short, but i thought i should give you an update. how EXCITING!!!! i'm still pinching myself. oh, and thank you to marjorie and to cheryl for the yummy pork chops and lasagna. mommy keeps the good food coming through thanks to all of you. although, i'll have to admit that this is a bit different digesting all this nutritious stuff! i find i am a bit more gassy. mommy and the nurses just stand over me and laugh because i sound like a toot boat. love you all. wren.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 2:03 PM CST

well it's about time!!!!! sorry for the delay. i have been a very busy boy, and i don't even know where to begin! monday...what a crazy day that was. i got to see tons of excitement and hustle and bustle, and i got to feel my first blast of minnesota winter fresh air on my little face. brrrr. no wonder mommy kept me inside! this is a little different typing from this computer. but, i think i could get used to this. :) we left rochester around noon, and to see me off were a couple of my very dear nurses....lisa and kristen. also shiela and crystal came to wish me farewell from the NICU. i went for a very long stroller ride all the way from the third floor to the first floor. that was cool. getting me into the car? HA HA HA. what an ordeal that was. you would think that 5 grown adults could have had that down pat. not so easy in a honda wagon. daddy hooked up my battery pack to the cigarette lighter in the front seat. emma sat next to daddy. the cords ran between the two seats back to the vent that was crashed on the floor in front of my car seat. beside it was my emergency trach bag and suction caths. mommy had one leg up in the air and the other one tucked under her. next to her was my suction maching and leaning over that hatch back to where her shoulder was was the big oxygen tank. that's right. i was spread out from one end of the car to the other. mommy said she never wanted to do that again. but, unfortunately, i still have dr. visits that we have to go to. so mommy has been trying to make some calls to find other transportation. she called the cities to see if any of their donation foundations had any vehicles that would work, but they said they only took requests from the metro area. so she called the van company in town to see if they could transport me. they said that they couldn't because it was unsafe with my stroller, and plus to get me from my house to the clinic and back is $55. HA HA...mommy said. so, her next alternative...she is going to probably rent a van on the days that i have appts. if you have any other ideas for her out there...please throw them our way. we are all feeling a little brain dead here. :)
so i fell asleep around owatonna and enjoyed the car ride the whole way home. at one point i heard mommy whisper to daddy..."hey, honey...the kids are both asleep." that was the first time she got to say that. :) it brought a smile to her face.
when we got home, the house threw up. not kidding. we had stuff i didn't even know existed. and it was scattered from the kitchen downstairs up to my bedroom upstairs. everywhere. not kidding. but we are surely finding a spot for even the most wierd items!
you know, i wouldn't be wren if i couldn't bring in the new home with a bang. tuesday morning at about 6 a.m. i decided to have a bit of a breathing tiff. the night nurse went up and woke mommy up and told her i wasn't doing very well. mommy came down and got right down to it. they called 911 and had an ambulence on the way quickly. mommy couldn't see anything wrong, but my sats were still dropping, so she did the only thing she knew how to do. she changed my trach. thanks wendy for the advice in all those emergency trach classes. as the old one was pulled out, a huge mucus plug came with it. no wonder i couldn't breathe!~ they got the new one in only to realize there wasn't a cuff on it. so mommy washed up the old one, and by the time the paramedics got there, they got me switched back. i got to meet firemen and police men, and i think they are SO COOL. mommy says i can't invite them over very often, though. bummer. they looked at mommy and said, "well...i think you did it all. very good." :) mommy, i must say, was very proud of herself. she didn't pass out or freak out or anything. ccc.
so that was my welcome wagon. since i've announced my arrival, i have been such a good boy. i LOVE IT HERE. mommy even cooked bacon for me to smell today. yumm...can't wait till i can eat it!
thank you to kathy donahue for bringing the yummy encheladas lastnight. (i still can't spell...home has done nothing for me in that area!) and thank you to margaret eidet for the yummy italian spaghetti tonight. you all are taking such wonderful care of my mommy and daddy, and hence have taken such wonderful care of me. thank you. i guess the sleep scale is still a little low in the house, but i think once adjustment comes, that will follow close behind. i am one incredible boy...and i come with a lot of incredible stuff. :) maybe i'll be a teacher some day. :) love you all and i'll write when i can. it's kind of tricky here, but don't think i've forgotten if you don't hear from me in a couple of days. oh, and i'll try to convince daddy to put some new pictures of me on the web. LOVE YOU ALL...WE MADE IT! wren michael eccles

Saturday, January 10, 2004 3:21 AM CST

oh what a night. mommy is spending the night tonight. she got to practice like i was really hers today. giving me all my meds and playing with my home equipment. so then tonight, she wanted to get a feel for what kind of a bear i was at night. i told her. i said, "mama, i'm amazing." she wanted to see it with her own eyes. she agreed. i'm just showing off, though. :) i fell asleep around 8 p.m. or so, and have been sleeping soundly ever since. so the nurses were right. i don't have my days and nights screwed up. and contrary to popular belief...i do not like to play at night. in fact if you try to play with me, i'll just shut you out and make like i'm still sleeping so you'll leave me alone. ma also said that i am the easiest baby to feed in the middle of the night. those g-tubes aint half bad! most babies have to wake up in the night and work for their food. not me. i just keep on sleeping while mom hooks up the feeds. slick, eh?
once i get home, i'll have to get used to helicopters not landing on my head. mom said she was pretty darn sure a couple times one was going to come right through my window. it is such a boy thing though. it makes my heart race to hear the thud thud thud of the blades. and you can almost feel it tremble in your bones. cool.
mom also says that i am without a doubt 100 percent boy in the fact that that y chromosone keeps my eyes glued to the t.v. whenever she is holding me. doesn't matter what is on. doesn't matter if i have to crain my head almost upside-down. i will see the t.v. if it's that last thing i do! all boy. :)
i'm hoping everyone had a good nights sleep. i know mommy didn't! but that is okay. she said it herself...it's kind of fun staying up all night partying with me. not that she could do it everynight. but once in a while is not bad. so, with all my love, enjoy your saturday. 2 days in counting. wren. :)

Friday, January 9, 2004 11:16 AM CST

"I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.
The cords of death encompassed me, and the terrors of Sheol came upon me; I found distress and sorrow.
Then I called upon the name of the Lord;
"O Lord, I beseech Thee, save (my son's) life!"
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
Yes, our God is compassionate. The Lord preserves the simple; I was brought low, and He saved me.
Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
For Thou hast rescued my (son) from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.
I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
I believed when I said, "I am greatly afflicted."
...What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me? I shall lift up the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord.
...To Thee I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and call upong the name of the Lord. I shall pay my vows to the Lord, Oh may it be in the presence of all His people, In the courts of the Lord's house, In the midst of you, O Jerusalem.
Praise the Lord!"
Psalm 116

Thursday, January 8, 2004 3:25 PM CST

well, i guess my mom does have opinions after all. :) right now i am just sitting in my car seat chilling. it's kind of fun. i went for a walk again today and had a blast. now i'm sitting back by mommy. i'm in my stroller and she's on the couch. daddy got really sick just like emma from what i hear. so, once again, mommy says it's a good thing that i decided to hang around here for another week. i am currently working on a photo shoot. i will get some new pictures on my website as soon as i can. oh, and mommy wanted to clarify one thing. if you are a burgler or a robber...please don't look in our windows. you'll scare the pee out of her and probably the nurse too. and if you do look in our windows, you might want to tell her first anyway because that might still scare the pee out of her to see a face suddenly appear. so, that's all i wanted to say. love to you all, and hope you have a wonderful day. wren michael

Wednesday, January 7, 2004 1:09 PM CST

God has once again been faithful to fill every one of our needs. i had a long talk with one of the moms at the ronald mcdonald house this morning. if there is one thing that i've been taught in all of this, it is that perfection is all but an attainable goal. we are human, and even though as a society we have brought out certain standards of living some good and some not so good, we are all still just human. i am not at all putting down the awesome work of our God in each and every one of us, but through the trivialization of God, i think we (generalized of course) often grant ourselves the "right" to feel, think, say, and do whatever is gratifying to our lives. we take into our own hands all too often (from what i've perceived) the right to back away from something if it seems too hard or inconvenient. i've done it too. don't think i haven't. okay, maybe i should back up. in all honesty i read an article last month in the "parents" magazine that just tore my heart. probably because it hits close to home. a couple went into preterm labor at almost 24 weeks. after discussing their options, they decided to just hold the little girl and let her go. i don't want anyone to get the wrong impression because it is such a fine line. i respect any decision that a couple makes when faced with such a hard choice. it is not an easy road, and i don't think you could be in the least bit successful if you weren't 100 percent positive that this was the choice you needed to make. michael and i were, without a doubt. i am completely pro-life, but like i said, it is just not that easy. it is your child whom you watch taking the brunt of all the pain. not an easy thing for a parent. or anyone for that matter. what really broke my heart was in this month's issue (i think it was this month) there were a couple responses to the article. one woman wrote, "...I moderate an Internet group for parents of preemies, many of whom didn't have access to honest medical information and choices when our children were born. As a result, some died after months or years of suffering; others survived with profound problems. I wish that our experiences were the exception. Unfortunately, at 23 weeks, when Isabel was born, the prospects for survival are very slim indeed. And recent studies have found that only 5 percent of those surviving infants will be free of severe disabilities. Our thanks to the Douthitts for their courage in telling Isabel's story, their doctor for being as honest as he was, and 'Parents' for publishing it." helen harrison Neonatology and Rights of Families Berkeley CA
and might i add that when we were given the "choice" the reality that they gave us for statistics was 1/3 will have severe disabilities, 1/3 will have mild disabilities, and 1/3 will be "normal" and lead "normal" lives. reading this woman's response, i was saddened. saddened that she felt that because a child might have a disability even a severe, their life would be better off if it had been ended right away. when i look at wren, i see a testimony of who God is. now i realize that we have been very blessed and covered for the things that he has escaped, but i also know that if i hadn't given him every chance for survival...every chance to beat the odds...i would have had a hard time getting past the "what if's". we didn't chose to save his life because we wanted him to be the latest medical feat. we didn't choose to save him because we wanted to challenge modern technology. we didn't even choose to save him because we thought that he would come out of this 100 percent "normal" and with no battle wounds. no, we chose to save him because we love him. because God doesn't make mistakes, and because that's what we felt in our hearts God was leading us to do. like i said before, i respect any parent in whatever decision they make for their children. that's why you were chosen as your children's parents, what i don't respect is someone accentuating the negative aspects of a preemie's life and making it seem somehow less worthy of living. not just a preemie's, but any sick child's life. it is a compassionate choice to let your child go, and it is a mercy and grace choice to try to keep your child alive. neither one is easy. and does this mean that any child who suffers from any other disease should have been "let go"? God never promised a life with no suffering. He never said there would be no pain. But He did promise me a life full of joy and singing if i'd only look to Him. He suffered the ultimate sacrifice and became like us that we might live through Him. we all have thorns in our sides. may we always use that as our reminder of how much we DO depend on God. and how much more we SHOULD depend on Him. i pray that our heavenly Father may bring understanding to our hearts as His people so that those who don't understand and don't see...may the light of truth shine upon their hearts. especially those who are still ending the lives of the unborn every day. may abortions become abhoring. may the act of them become illegal. and may our nation's eyes and ears and hearts be opened to what is really happening. God have mercy on us.
i pray that i don't come across as self-righteous. that is not all my intention. i'm just extremely opinionated today. do you ever get that fire in your stomach when you've come across something that has rubbed you the wrong way? i realize that this is probably where self-control comes in. i've tried to choose my words carefully, and still expressed my heart ache. but if i have offended anyone in anyway, i really am sorry. that was not intended. gist of my story today was....there is so much more to life than perfection. and for the joy and love that my children bring to me you know i would walk across fire for them. as would any of you.
as an end note i will tell you the date :) wren is set to come home on monday. we are not sure what time yet. connie ruyter has so kindly offered to be a coordinator of sorts. (how cool is that? i have my own personal coordinator!) anyway, if you would like to bring a meal you can call her on Sundays at 387-3212, or email her at c.ruyter@capstone-press.com i think anytime. she will be coordinating the weeks events and meals on sundays just to kind of keep it consolidated. and as much as we love all of you, because this cold and flu season has been so terrible, we won't be letting anyone in the house if you are dropping off a meal or something. although, we do have him set up in the dining room, so if you want to peek at him, you can come to the back of the house and i can hold him up in the window. it kills me to say that because as a mom the first thing i want to do is to show off my baby. and i LOVE to show him off. so please, feel free to come and take a peek in the back. :) other than that...God bless you all. lots of love your way and i hope that the new year is being good to everyone. erin lee

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 10:35 AM CST

well, it is tuesday already, isn't it! so, my plans to go home this week are put on a temporary hold. that's okay though. ma and pa had one more week to get a few things done. i guess my sister got very very sick lastnight and was throwing up everywhere....so in that respect i'm glad i wasn't at home.
i've had a few requests from some of you as to what i am doing developmentally. sometimes i get so consumed in my own health issues that i forget i'm a "real" boy too. :) i am becoming very smiley and i think it is very nice and sometimes funny when people sing to me. i track things (toys, people, suctioning objects...) very well. lastnight my oxygen was dinging that i was a little low and mommy was busy on the computer, so i just grabbed hold of my oxygen mask and was yanking on the tube. i was going to just take care of it myself, i am that big now! :) i like to hold small rattles and knock myself in the head with them. i can pull both of my hands together and suck on them simultaniously. my favorite resting spot for my hands is on my vent tubes that are connected to my trach. one for each hand. i don't pull...usually...i just like to theraputically squeeze them. i kick my legs when i get excited and i still hold my breath when i am mad. i LOVE to sit up, but am still working on my muscle tone so i can do it all by myself. i nurse a little, but i still think it is more of a game than a function. my food comes regardless. :) and i am smart in that sense...i know i won't starve. i hold my head up pretty well, but if you've ever had a big knob stuck right in the middle of your neck...oh, and you don't have a neck to begin with, then you'll know that it is a little bit more work than just holding my head. i get some tummy time, but with my mic key button, it's a little awkward still. they made me a donought (yeah, kind of like the hemmroid kind) to go around my button, but then that throws me off balance a little. i personally just think that everyone thinks i am so advanced that they have to make some sort of an obstacle for me to get over. make it a little harder...you know? :)
so, anyway, hopefully sometime in the next week or so i'll get out of here. very vague. but all in due time. i know that God is much smarter than me and He'll send me home when the time is right. much love to you...oh, and if you haven't yet send over a congrats to luke's mommy and daddy....and lots of prayers too. love always....big wren. (and i mean BIG).

Friday, January 2, 2004 5:33 PM CST

happy new year! can you believe it's 2004 already? my goodness. well, to welcome in the new year, i decided to catch myself a bit of a cold. not having too much fun with that. kind of wishin' i would've stayed healthy instead. but, they keep telling me that it's better that i get sick here in the hospital than at home. so i'll take my bug and up them one immunity. :) mom says that personally she thinks i just do it when she goes home so that she can come back here and give me some tlc. but i'm not sharing my secrets! other than that...ummmm....13 pounds now. yup. kind of funny how all that holiday weight can sneak up on you. my dietician says that she wants to make sure i don't get too fat. how funny is that? who'd ever thought they'd be worried about me getting too chunky. hee hee. well, i am going to go rest. mommy says that's important in getting healthy. love you all...and pray that i can get over this bug soon. i want to go home. love wren.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 12:40 AM CST

today i have 4 of my nurses that will be lovin' me at home coming over for some training....special training on me :) i am looking forward to meeting them and showing them all of my good tricks!!!! that's about all. they are going to start me on a little medication to help my airway stay open during the winter. i am getting off of my oral nystatin (which was for my thrush) and staying on my phenobarbitol. ummmm....mommy says its a good thing when i have to search for things to talk about. :) love you all and i'll keep you updated. love wren.

Sunday, December 28, 2003 10:28 AM CST

well, the day is drawing near. mommy and daddy and everybody here are running around getting things set for my first car ride. i passed my car seat test. i needed to sit in it for 1 1/2 hours, i sat for 2 hours and 40 minutes. i played, i ate, i slept....all the good things a baby does. :) i hope everyone had a safe and happy Christmas. santa and one of his elves visited me here and all the dr.'s and nurses loved on my while ma and pa were away. they kept busy too. the house is starting to get some long needed attention. and i hear they are getting my "room" ready. taking down the dining room table and moving in the crib. well, i think they have a couple other things to do first. but....getting closer. i am just hanging out and having a gay old time up here. enjoying my last few moments with all the people i've grown up with. but i know i'll be back. lots of check up appts. and ways to show off how much i've grown. lots of love and have a great day. wren

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 6:28 PM CST

well, here is a cheating attempt at a Christmas letter! if you are reading this letter then i am pretty sure i don't have to say much about what has happened in our lives this year....but here is a go at it anyway!
Our beloved EMMA has gone from the amazing two's to the independent three's. she has blossomed into what i have to heart-breakingly admit is a beautiful young pre-schooler. she is no longer a baby and no longer a toddler. we are now the proud parents of a child. along with becoming an independent 3 year old, she has also proven herself to be an AMAZING big sister. very protective. she has recently informed us...and anyone she meets...that if you take wren's tubes off, he will proceed to turn blue. don't think we'll have a problem with her, the trach, and the vent at home. she also lets the nurses and health professionals know what they should and should not do to baby wren. she gets very concerned about his owies and does not appreciate anyone touching him in a way that makes him cry. she is quick with the nuk and comfort of words...."it's okay baby wren....don't cry...it's okay". she will be graduating from trike to bike on Christmas day...but don't tell her that quite yet. most of the things that she has accomplished this year have been witnessed by the eyes of her grandparents and those of you who have been taking care of her. it challenged us as parents to let go of the milestones that we wouldn't see for a "first time", but brought us great joy to know that she has become such a well adjusted young lady. we have no doubt in our minds that God chose her with a very special purpose in mind. she is wonderful and we are looking forward to all of the things we will learn TOGETHER over the next year. :)
MICHAEL has been, of course, staying busy with every project known to mankind. he has attempted, and succeeded i might add, to fix, add on, reconstruct, construct, and design most everything in our home. which is what it is finally becoming...a home. because of our recent adventure, he chose to take a break from the jr. high youth group up at covenant this year. i know he misses the kids because he talks about them frequently. we look forward to the day when he can resume his child like passion. :) he has sparked a new interest in working the sound board at church, and as a musician, i would have him as number one on my list to run sound. he is a very talented man in this area as many of you know. ranging anywhere from spl shows, to cars, to instruments...the man knows music and how to balance it. he is, of course, the proud daddy to a new son....but also has found his new place as emma's favorite. that's right. she has found little use for mom right now, but engages in absolutely everything possible to get daddy's attention. she is enamored and completely head over heals for her dad. it is one of the most wonderful things to watch....and not to be one sided at all, he has also fallen completely in love with his little girl. as i speak they are both sick in bed at home...together. :) like father like daughter. he has been a complete solid foundation to our rocky world this past year, and continues with a strength and energy that i know could only come from God the Father. i have been completely blessed to have him in my life and there is no one else who i would want by my side.
ME? wow, what has happened with me....hmmm...ust kidding. this year started out with the joy of all joys. we found out that another little one was on the way. because of the precarious way this pregnancy had presented itself, i unfortunately had to drop a few things in my life. for the time being. the J.A.M. choir was one of them. my heart dearly misses my kids and all that they are, and i am looking forward to the day when i can once again join in the singing. as the pregnancy progressed, i became more relaxed and more excited over what was to come. then, on april 26th in the wee hours of the morning, it came. and boy did our lives take a change in the tide. we did things and learned things and saw things we never even knew exsisted. we were brought under the protective wings of everyone of you, and felt the love and support of hundreds. for this gift this year...we will be eternally grateful. and for all the thank you cards that never got sent and all the phone calls that got passed by, i am so very sorry. i wish my hand could write a thousand thank you's and my voice speak a thousand words. but i kind of hit one of those holes where you feel you are so deep, you'll never get out. and as a praise to all of you, it would take me the next five years to catch up on all that you've done and all that you've given. so, thank you. thank you for the financial support, the phone cards, the gas cards, the gifts for emma, the surprise baby showers, the clean house, the meals, the gifts for wren, the cards and letters, the flowers and plants, the willingness to help out in every way, the help with emma, the messages, taking care of my hubby and making sure he got fed, but most of all, thank you for loving us. for loving our family, and for caring enough to see us through this. if any one of you ever needs my right arm...you just let me know. it's yours.
finally, the WREN. coming into this world at an amazing 565 grams (1 lb. 3 1/2 oz.) the kiddo now weighs in at 5,486 grams (12 lb. 1 oz.). who would have ever thought? from 3 layers of skin to 33 layers of skin. 12 inches long to 20 inches long (okay, short!). :) he has had and ileostomy, trach, nissen, and g-tube. he has conquered yeast infections, staph infections, bladder infections, and many others to boot. he has tried drugs this year. yes, i know, they say that that is not a normal baby thing...but we only choose the best for our kids. everything from morphine to adavan. penicillin to augmentin. hydrochordizone to dexamethazone....the kid has had it all! he has fallen in love with his mom and thinks his dad is totally wierd. he would just as soon cuddle up next to his big sister for an afternoon nap as he would to take a bath in his big boy basin. something of a rub-a-dub-dub...fat babby in the tub. very cute, and i'm not at all ashamed to call him fat. he earned every ounce. we are but a short period away to taking him to the proverbial home where a whole new set of challenges awaits us. we are blessed to have qualified for 24 hour nursing care which also means a new member (members) to our family. we are looking forward to getting to know all of the nurses who are going to fall in love with our bambino, and will do everything in our power to make them a part of our home and our lives. as our privacy decreases, our confidence will increase. as our old way of life passes away, we look forward to the new way of life. every day will present itself in a new way, and i'm sure we will have our different ways of dealing with it. :) as many of you have asked, what can we do...what can we pray for....i have answered, "now is the time to pray." michael and i are going to have to re-adjust to each other and to family life in addition to the stress of a critically ill child and a beautiful 3 year old. we will be sharing our lives with nurses, pulminologists, ent's, pediatric surgery specialists, pediatricians, eye dr.'s, neurologists, oncology, physical therapists, occupational therapists, social workers, social security offices, insurance companies, and the rest of the caboodle. pray that we can transition smoothly and that the car and the emergency room do not become detestable to us. pray for a sound mind and a restoration of health. and most of all...Praise God for what He has done in and for us. first and foremost. Praise be to God for the good things He has done. God bless you all. Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year. (Although, i will write again before then!).

Love,
Michael, Erin, Emma, Wren.

Monday, December 22, 2003 8:27 PM CST

well, i think i've written at least 3 different entries today and somehow i still have not gotten them on! :) i am doing well. medications are going well and i am getting better. love to everyone and i'll give a better update tomorrow...probably :) love wren.

Friday, December 19, 2003 2:05 PM CST

the neurologist and friends came in to greet me this morning. she said i am a very handsome boy. :) my head is growing in proportion to my body, and i use all my legaments just about equal. all these things are very good. what she didn't like was the description of my so called "episodes" on wednesday. she said they very well sounded like they could be seizures. so, to protect my little body and brain, the plan is for me to take some medicine. huh, there's a shocker! :) not a bad thing, i guess. i'll be on a low dose of phenobarbitol. this will help me in case i am having any seizures that they aren't recognizing, and it will help any if i do have some that they do recognize. they'll keep me on the same daily dose for about 3 months and let my body grow out of it. as i grow it will gradually dilute the potency of it. if i seem to be better...well then kutos. if i don't then they'll know and they'll be able to up my dosage if need be. my trach site is a little infected, and they think i have a bit of a cold, along with some possible thrush in my mouth. i guess this isn't too off the wall considering i'm on augmentin as an antibiotic. kill of all the germs so i can......get new ones? j/k. they are doing exactly what they need to for me. everyone is so wonderful over here, and i have never had better care...except when i was still in mom's tummy. :) but that's a given. many of you have asked what the story is with my sis. she has had a small heart murmur since birth, and the peds cardiologist believes it is in the lower ventricle. but he wants to be sure it is what he thinks it is. just in case...which is why she is getting the echogram. pro-active. :) oh, and the other good news is that the home health-care agency feels i should have 24 hour nursing care which means lots of help for mom. yeah! the only possible set-back might be that it takes them a little longer to get that together and it just might push my coming home date further back. i would like for that not to happen. of course. :) but if it means extra help...then i'll wait. love wren

Thursday, December 18, 2003 1:16 PM CST

yes, i am still staying busy. and yes, i also do take food in by mouth :) i let daddy give me bottles, but not mommy. i only want one thing from her and a bottle is not it. see? i'm already smart! i have had an interesting couple of days right along with mommy and daddy. they were pretty sure when they left here on monday night that they were never going to leave the hospital. they had A LOT of information to digest that day. the cap was the emergency trach care stuff. and i even gave them just a little taste of it on monday evening. "not funny" they said. just because they know it doesn't mean they ever want to use it! then yesterday i was being a bit of a funny boy. again. ma and pa had to go home because emma had a cardiology appt. in the morning. right after they got out of there, mom got a call from my nurse and she said she thought i was having some mini seizures. so they did an eeg and found that is had a dis-something low brain wave. whatever that means. the dr. who talked to mom didn't even know. today neurology is going to come up and get involved a little. mom doesn't think it's anything, really. maybe she is in denial, but i am fighting a bit of a cold right now. i have some patchiness in my upper left lobe (lung) and anytime i have problems breathing, i get very panicky. which is what the nurse said i was doing. breathing fast and being unresponsive and panicky. so...it's very wierd and unlikely that seizures would come out of no where, but they want to make sure everthing is still okay. i never had any brain bleeds when i was little, but i do have a small cyst and they don't know if that will ever effect anything or not. so, that's what we've been up to. emma has to go back in next week and have an echo done. i guess she just wanted to be like me. so, while you think of me, maybe think of her too. she is a real trooper and thinks it is hillarious that they are going to take pictures of her heart! lots of love and i'll let you know how my week comes out. :) wren.

Saturday, December 13, 2003 10:10 PM CST

again...where has the time gone? i am staying busy here...practice practice practice...that's what they say will get me home. :) mommy and daddy have a big day on monday. they are going to do another trach change on me. daddy gets to pop it in this time while mommy pulls out. then they are going to do their infant cpr training and finish up with wendy on emergency trach care. then rumor has it they get to take me for my very first big boy ride in my carseat/stroller and go get some pie down in the cafeteria or something. maybe they'll just take me for a walk. mommy says she is a little nervous about this because so many people are walking around sick. she ordered up a bubble for me to sit in....j/k. but not too far fetched! i've had somewhat of an interesting week. they thought i might be getting a touch of a cold because my secretions went up and they were a little thicker. but i seem to be handling it okay. they are just keeping an extra eye on me to be sure. i am becoming a very good sleeper at night which should make it a little easier on my night nurses. :) i snuggle in and am usually out for the majority of the dark hours. oh, and i also am creeping up on 11 pounds now. i think yesterday i weighed in at 10 lbs. 14 oz. rolls upon rolls. i am the mountains. well, ttfn. lots of love....oh, and just to appease some of the curiosity...i will NOT be home before christmas. mommy said no. she didn't want the holidays to come down hard on me. so...there is a little tid bit. God bless. baby wren.

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 1:10 PM CST

all right, all right...i was just testing you all to see if you REALLY loved me :) i know you do. mommy has had quite a few calls from people who are a bit concerned about my absense of intellect. i mean absence of writing. not intellect...that's mommy. she said she lost her brain somewhere between here and the...where was she again? anyway, we are all doing quite well actually. my fever broke the next day. they figured a UTI was the culprit. so i had 2 days of shots and now i am much better. yesterday i took a trip down to radiology and had a v something done. brain drain....not sure what the name was. but none the less they stuck a cath in and filled me bladder up with a dye. they wanted to see if my bladder was refluxing into my kidneys. if i was getting kidney infections...well, that wouldn't be a very good thing at all. but praise God there is no reflux. i'm just kind of susceptible to bladder infections. bummer. ma and pa are becoming pros at my trach stuff. they did a trach change for the first time together yesterday. they did pretty good. still made me mad, but i guess i'll get used to it. the other sneaky news is that i have a going home date. only, i'm a very secretive person so i'm not going to say what it is. actually, i just want to wait to make sure it happens. i'll let you all know when i'm home and tucked in. until then i'll just continue my updates from the hospital here :) just pray that everything falls into place and that i stay healthy. from what i hear, i guess there are a few guidelines for after i come home, and i just know you all will understand. for the first couple months...at least until the flu season is getting closer to being done, visitors are going to be VERY limited. mommy says that if you or anyone in your house or anyone you've come in contact with has been sick in the last week (previous to visiting) you'll have to wait. it is preferable that you would have the flu shot if you want to be around me. as a selfish note, meals are always welcomed (from what i hear) and i know mommy wouldn't mind having help around the house once in a while, but other than that she wants to kind of keep me quarenteed. if you are wanting to help out with ME personally then it is suggested that you take an infant cpr class, flu shot, and then mommy will train you in as she goes along on my trach and g-tube cares. i will have nursing care most likely for 8 hours at night and 4 hours during the day. give mommy some time to get things done. but just so you all know, she doesn't want anyone to feel offended if she turns you down for a visit or help...she's just looking out for me, and i'm sure she'll be a little emotional about it too. i guess after my sister was born she wouldn't let anyone come visit for like 2 weeks.
sorry about the length in between my updates. boy did we get busy for a while here. well, love to all and i think i'm going to take a nap for a while. but i promise i'll try not to skip so many days in between. oh, they also have me switched over to my home vent now. so, all things are getting in order. :) love to all...wren.

Thursday, December 4, 2003 9:51 AM CST

well, for some bizarre reason, i decided to spike a temp lastnight. i wanted to tell ma and pa and the dr.'s and nurses why...but i just couldn't. so on and off i've been kind of feverish...kind of not. they are just watching me closely to see if anything comes of it. they did decide this morning to give me a little antibiotic - just in case. they, of course, want to stay on top of things. and the way this flu season is shaping up to be, they don't want to give anything much time to progress. so, anyway, you can pray against any infection more specifically today. boy did mom luck out. she was going to do her first trach change this morning. i mean the putting the trach in part. she and wendy decided to wait...they didn't want to rock the apple barrel...or something of the sort. otherwise i get to start "recreational" feeds sometime today (i think). doesn't that sound nice? eating for fun. ha. only in the PICU! God bless and have a good day. wren.

Wednesday, December 3, 2003 10:58 AM CST

that's so funny kim, because ironically i am wearing jeans that have holes in the knees today. :) my pants pickins' were slim because i packed half of my clothes and brought them home in the leap of faith that we will be there soon. unfortunately, i didn't check my jeans and which ones i was leaving. i left the ones with holes in the knees. anyway, that's beside the point. i'm sure you all are not so curious as to my wardrobe as you are to our son. he is a champ. he is getting his femeral (sp.?) line out today, and will be at goal feeds by the end of the day. still pooping up a storm, and as far as his gut and surgery is concerned, he is ready to go home tomorrow. we still have to wait for a few more things, but it is starting to get a little more tangible. other than that, every day baby things are what we are doing. cleaning g-tube and trach sites, changing poopy diapers. baths. playing. lots and lots of therapy...for wren too. keep those prayers lifted high. it is no less amazing right now than it was on april 26th to sit and bask in the middle of God's protection and peace. thank you. as always, tons of love to each and every one of you...wren's mom

Monday, December 1, 2003 7:26 PM CST

well, game plan is this. hopefully by wednesday i will be able to dump my central line. i am getting close to my goal on feeds, and everything is still looking good. mom got to assist in her first trach change today. little by little. she started today by pulling the old one out. next time she'll get to put the new one in. tomorrow she gets to put on new ties. and she already knows suctioning and bagging stuff. we're getting closer. next in line is daddy to learn all the good stuff. :) lots of love. wren.

Saturday, November 29, 2003 12:46 AM CST

i am pooping like a pro. lots of excitement going on everytime i get a diaper change. :) they are weaning me off of the versed...hopefully by tonight i will be done with it. other than that all i have left is my tpn's and lipids and when i'm up to my full feeds, they can get rid of my central line. YEAH. i am at 10 cc's k-cycle feeding today, tomorrow i should be at 20...and my goal for now is 28 cc's continuous and then i should start to go to bollous feeds. other than that, i am doing really well. they are weaning down my vent pressures and settings. i am getting more and more back to normal as we speak. :) lots of love to all. daddy is doing sound tomorrow at church so i think ma and pa and sis are all going to be there for at least one service. have a wonderful day. luv wren.

Friday, November 28, 2003 10:54 AM CST

good morning! mommy finally made it back in this morning to hold and cuddle me. i'm pretty sure she was missing it more than i was...maybe not. all good things to report. i am starting to stool in my diaper (pedialyte stool), but as of 11:00 this a.m. i am starting to get 5 cc's of breastmilk every hour for 3 hours and then i get an hour break. you might remember it being referred to as k-cycle feeding way back in my NICU days. :) i am weaned off of my pain meds for the most part. i get a bolus dose of fentinyl every now and again if i am refusing to sleep, but otherwise they are letting me be a 'normal' baby. when mommy was holding me this morning, i was trying to show off some of my biggest smiles for her...usually following some nice toots in my diaper. she had her hand on my bum the entire time and kept laughing when i would toot. so, then i would smile. hey, whatever makes her happy. who knew a mom would get so excited over her baby doing functional things. from what i hear, someday she might start admonishing me for passing gas at the dinner table....but not today. :) anyway, just wanted to let you know that all is going well. thank you to everyone and to your powerful prayers. love wren.

Thursday, November 27, 2003 10:02 AM CST

happy Thanksgiving! i hear it is a wonderful stuff-your-face holiday...and boy do i give thanks for that! not much word yet on me. i'm waiting for mommy or daddy to call over here and wish me a happy day. they did tell me that they were going to be very sad that i was not going to be with them physically...but they also said they would talk about me a LOT. :) have a good day. love wren

Wednesday, November 26, 2003 4:16 PM CST

so, as you can see, DADDY put some new pictures on of me. :) i know many of you have persistently asked to see an update of me. mommy still can't figure out the computer! we are going to see what we can do about getting on a new 10 lb. picture of me. i look even entirely different than these. although, these are not too old. they started feeding me this morning. 5 cc's every 4 hours. i still have not "stooled" (emma would call it poop), but everything seems to be working okay. i think my body just has to remember what to do...that's all.
well, thanksgiving is tomorrow. and appropriately, i would like to share what i'm thankful for. some things seem so obvious...like life. but maybe some are not so obvious. i think what i am most thankful for, is that God looked to and fro searching for someone who's heart would be His. and He found me. i'm thankful that my perception of the "meaning of life" has changed so dramatically in the past 7 months, that i'm not even the same person i was before all this began. there are those days when i question, and i wonder, why me? but then i know it's not my place to question...just to trust. trust. that's another thing i am thankful for. that we can trust, and that God never NEVER lets us down. i'm thankful for the deep passion that has become my everyday way of life. what once was mundane and taken for granted has now become cherished and treasured. i see the little things for the blessings they are...not for the nuisance or inconvenience. as all the dr.'s and therapists come in and continue to test me to make sure that i have the "optimum" chance at being "normal" i just have to sit back and smile. mommy says she does the same thing. it's not at all that i don't desire to be a "normal" child...but i think i already passed that one up. :) mommy says that sometimes in life, we are given a little more work than what we bargained for. we have to try a little harder for the things we love. but it roots itself that much deeper in your soul...the value that is. don't you agree that you tend to value things in a different way when you've put your sweat and tears into it? anyway, back to the normal talk. she tells me time and again when i'm being tested that God has created me special. everyone on His green earth was created DIFFERENT and SPECIAL. if i am not the validictorian of my class...does that mean i am loved any less? ABSOLUTELY NOT. she says that sometimes it's the things that are different that stand out and make us take notice of things we would have otherwise passed by. and oh, how it fills my heart to have seen the things i've seen. learned what i now know, and feel the deep penetrating love that Jesus has for ME! unconditional. exceptional. as high as the heavens and deeper than the deepest ocean. just the way i am. and once again, i know that the success of my life is based on who i am for Him...not what i have or attain. and in any way that He deems fit for me...that's what i'll do, and i'll do it to the best of my ability. i am thankful beyond words for all of you. for making me see what the Body of Christ is made of...even before i've met even half of you. it combines all those who love Him...not just those who i know. and i know you go beyond that which i realize. i'm thankful for our fore-fathers and what they did for our country. i'm thankful for the mayflower and the pilgrims...and everything that God has blessed us with. to show how much he loves us. this thanksgiving has brought a new and special place to my heart. as have all of you. so as you spend time with your families and loved ones...think of all that He has given and done. He sacrificed His Son so that we might live and know and see. and because of that sacrifice we are free. may i be a sacrifice so that you may draw closer to him. Draw near to Him...and He will draw near to you. and if that is what i have to accomplish in my life...well then that is the greatest accomplishment that i could ever know. happy thanksgiving. love wren.

O beatiful, for spacious skies.
for amber waves of grain.
for purple mountains majesty
above the fruited plain.
America, America
God shed His grace on thee
and crown thy good with brother-hood
from sea to shining sea
O beautiful for pilgrim feet, whose stern impassioned stress
a thoroughfare for freedom beat across the wilderness!
America, America God mend thine every flaw,
confirm thy soul in self-control, Thy liberty and law
o beautiful for heroes proved in liberating strife,
who more than self their country loved
and mercy more than life!
America! America! May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness, and every gain divine!

God bless...

Tuesday, November 25, 2003 2:14 PM CST

see the crocodile tears fall from mommy's eyes...all you have to do is smile. not a "i'm sleeping smile" or a "i'm gassy" smile, but an actual reactive "i saw my mommy" smile. boy does she melt like a baby. and of course all i could hear her saying was, "where is my camera? i can't find my camera!" but she did stand over me and enjoyed my smile until i stopped. :) i am doing pretty well today. they put a cuffed trach on me yesterday during my trach change. i am doing a lot better after that. they've come down on my vent settings and also on my oxygen. i'm slowly coming around. they have not yet started feeds on me. they are giving me an extra dose of time just to make sure i am COMPLETELY healed up. no problems. so far, we are doing good. thank you, of course, for your contintinued prayers. they are reaching and are needed. love. wren

Monday, November 24, 2003 4:41 PM CST

you know, as i lay here in my even bigger big boy crib, i've found that i have had 6 post-op drugged up days to think about all that i have seen in my little life. mommy said that at my good friend luke's going Home service, the pastor that spoke said that all too often we as humans equate success by the amount of days we have been here on earth. by the number of goals we've kicked. by the piles of money we've set out to accumulate...and by the condition of the furniture and trinkets in our homes. but this man at luke's service...well, he said something that, to me, is invaluable. he said that God measures our success not by the number of our days, but by the impact that we have had on the people who surround us. and luke, without saying a single word, had impacted more people than could be imagined...and not only that...but his legacy (if i may call it that) will continue on. his story will forever stay in the hearts of those whom he touched. that's what i want to be. an ambassador for Christ. i want to be judged by God and by others not for my weak flesh, but for my willing spirit. and boy, are there days when i konw my flesh is weak. i guess i don't always know how to go about doing such a thing, and in the same sense, i don't want to lay idle (minus the fact that i can't walk yet) and wait until i 'feel' i'm ready. time is short, and that i do know. no one know the day or the hour when Christ will return. mommy said she got a good feeling of that when i decided to show up. obviously she was caught unprepared. she was thinking she still had 4 more months, and, well, she didn't. there was nothing she could do to go back and undo what had been done. nothing she could do to change the consequences she now had to face. nothing she could do to decide anything else other than what she was going to do now. what she and daddy were going to do now. unfortunately, for those who don't believe, once the trumpet has sound, or you have been called home, it is an eternal decision. one that is far greater than deciding the factors on my life. mommy and daddy know that, had i been called home, they would have seen me again one day. this is just my earthly tent (and a good one at that!). just a given thought for tonight. please, please, i know i don't always have the right words to say, but i think i can imagine what Jesus would have me say to you. don't waste another minute. you know who you are. God has put you on my heart. if you have not yet asked the Lord for His forgiveness...for His GIFT of eternal life...don't wait another moment. for no one knows the day or the hour when Christ will return. it is a Gift and nothing less. the greatest gift of all...and for all..."Lord, i know that i am a sinner. i know that for all the ways that i TRY to win my salvation...everything falls short of Your Glory. You are eternal, and You are everlasting. i know that nothing but the blood of Jesus can wash me clean. nothing but Him standing in for me will grant me the salvation that leads me to You. God i desire that personal relationship with You. i want my heart to be your heart, my desires to be Your desires. Lord, mold me, make me and fill me with nothing but You. forgive me, for i have sinned, and come live in my heart. be my God. in your name i pray...Amen."
once again, i know that this is far from an update on my progress...but i just felt this was much more important tonight. lots of love. wren

Sunday, November 23, 2003 2:08 PM CST

i tried to put new photos of wren on, but for some reason the computer wouldn't download them...so...until i figure out the latest technology, you'll just have to imagine. wren is doing wonderfully. i have been gone since thursday, so i apologize for the lack of updates. we came home and had a fun birthday bash for emma, and just spent some family time together. i am still home, wondering what the roads will be like going back to rochester today. this morning, nurse patty said that wren was, "sitting up in his bouncy chair 'smiling'." i don't know if smiling was metaphorical, or real, but all entails that the little champ is recovering well. they pulled the cath out and got him dressed. all big boy things. i am anxious to get back to my baby, and curious to see for my own eyes. :) i'll give you an update as soon as i can testify. love to all, have a good day...and enjoy the snow! erin

Thursday, November 20, 2003 10:05 AM CST

well, we successfully made it through night number one with the trach. :) wren is having just a few minor issues that i think are go be expected after a 7 hour surgery. he was not urinating lastnight (he is heavily drugged...very relaxed muscles) so they had to cath him. good thinking ahead on dr. moir's part. he didn't do the circ just in case wren was going to need a cath. and he did. the other thing/things is that there is a small leak around the trach. this is not too big of a deal. they are kind of waiting to see what happens with it, but are keeping their eyes on it. right now he has a neo shiley 4.0 trach in right now. they had started out with a 3.5 down in the or, and went up to a 4.0, and the 4.0 is still even a little small. so, most likely before we go home, they will bump him up to a 4.5 or a 5.0. they are trying to avoid doing that for the time being just because he has been through so much, and it is such a fresh trach, they want to give him a little time. for now, they are compensating with the vent settings. he is on a little bit higher pressure and running a little bit more oxygen. they are keeping him heavily sedated as i mentioned earlier because whenever he starts to wiggle, he drops his sats. he is on an i.v. drip mixed with a little potassium to keep him hydrated. also, he is on a fentinyl drip (pain killer), versed (more pain killers), gentomiacin (antibiotic), amoxicillin (antibiotic), and ampicillin (antibiotic). for now, just keep praying for stability and against any infections. wren will probably get his hands back on the computer in a few days when he is feeling better. :) God bless...erin

Wednesday, November 19, 2003 4:05 PM CST

wren is back! 3:35 he showed up. i was downstairs talking with dr. moir, so i was not his welcoming wagon, but he is back none the less. remember when i said moms don't always know everything? i got my lines crossed. he did not get his circumcision today. dr. moir just thought that might be a little much especially if they needed to do a cath on him. he did however, get reconnected. there is nothing hanging out of my baby! he looks very good. nothing on his face. just a trach and g-tube to show that he was in surgery. he is feeling a little sore you can tell, but with the help of pain meds, i think he will be re-couping just fine. dr. moir said that everything on his part went absolutely wonderful. without any problems. his words were, "the intestines were begging to be reconnected. everything was just falling into place." the trach i guess was a bit of a problem, but once they got it ironed out, everything was fine. dr. thompson just wanted to take her time and make sure everything was PERFECT. she is a very maticulate woman and takes great pride in her work and perfection. one of the reasons we wanted only her. so, all in all we are doing well. i will write more later. please continue to pray through the night against any infection and complications. thank you. erin

Wednesday, November 19, 2003 2:06 PM CST

okay...we're going to try it this way because i cannot get my computer to work. 1:45 - they finished the g-tube and are on the circumcision. this is the last of the surgeries for now. whew. he is doing fine from what i hear. i am an anxious mommy ready to have my baby back. michael should be here soon this afternoon. his work is being very kind and are letting him go early. thank you for your continued prayers. i will update one more time once he gets up here and let you all know how he looks. :) lots of love...erin

Wednesday, November 19, 2003 9:53 AM CST

1:35 - i don't know what happened to the first update...my computer is going a bit haywire. the nissen was just completed and they are moving onto the g-tube...everything is going well.

12:55 p.m.- even mommies can get their wires crossed sometimes. i guess they did the bowel first. wren will still have an ostomy, but the site will be moved...i'm not sure where yet. the prolapse is fixed and now they are on to the nissen. so far...so good :)

11:45 a.m. -they just finished up with wren's trach...it took longer than they thought, but all is well. onto the lower bowel and gi stuff!

all right. we're off and running. well maybe not running...but we're not in the room anymore! okay, even that i take back. i was granted permission to wait in his room instead of the surgery waiting room because it is going to be an all day procedure.
he went down around 8:30 this morning, and they started the surgeries at about 9:30. dr. thompson is going to do the trach first. then dr. moir will make a verticle incission from the bottom of his rib cage down. he will do the nissen first, then the g-tube, then the intestines...and depending on how wren is doing the circumcision. the reason for the verticle incission is because of the way the intestine is, the stomach got a little pushed up. dr. moir needs access to the stomach and a way to put all the intestines back where they should be. oh, and that's the other prayer...an unexpected one. we were planning on him coming back with a fixed prolapse, but if things look good, dr. moir said he would go ahead and reconnect the intestines! a whole baby. nothing sticking out of his tummy. pray hard on this one. there is always a lot of uncertainty on how things are going to go...but we'll see :) dr. thompson's trach takes about an hour. dr. moir's many procedures will take closer to 5. for now, this is what i know. i'll keep you informed as they call me. erin.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003 7:02 PM CST

sorry about all of the confusion today! we literally were minutes away from surgery. the or came and brought wren down...poor guy was very very hungry. they got him undressed and were ready to insert an iv and put him under when a last minute call came in. the decision was made to put off the surgery until tomorrow. they want to do them all at once.
wren's case number is #1 tomorrow. this means i have to be at the hospital by 6:30 to walk him down. most likely he will go down around 7 or 7:30. dr. thompson is taking off part of her clinical day to make this possible. God bless her for doing so. he will be in surgery for a very long time in order to get everything done. most likely 4 or more hours.
first, dr. thompson will do the trach. then she will pass him off to dr. moir who will procede to do the g-tube, prolapse fix, and circumcision. as it looks now, we've avoided the nissen. (to fix the reflux). the gi department thought that it didn't look bad enough for surgery, so they are going to try meds instead. pray this works because we don't want him to have to go down for yet another surgery. their main concern is the possibility of him refluxing and aspirating. sometimes, not such a big deal. but with his fragile tiny lungs any thing entering to do damage is not a good thing. please be praying throughout the morning for his safety and for the surgeon's guidance. for his body to accept all that they are going to do to him and to recover quickly. pray for no complications post-op and no infections. even though he is so BIG...he is still a little guy. :) love to all, and i will keep you updated as much as possible. i am required to stay in the waiting area until his surgery is complete, so unfortunately i won't have access to a computer until he is out of surgery.
oh yes, and in the midst of all this chaos, we moved down to the second floor today at the ronald house. always exciting things :) my new phone number is 252-2172. just a note in case you try calling the other number.
on a final note, a friend of mine's little boy passed away yesterday. his name is jordan, and he fought a good fight. please keep heather and her family in your prayers. if you want to read about him, his web address is www.caringbridge.org/wi/jordanbeal God bless.

Monday, November 17, 2003 6:52 PM CST

my uncle jim conducts one of the high school orchestras in stillwater, mn (among other things!) and each year he puts on this magnificent concert called "the lulluby concert". it really is an amazing and wonderful event to see. along with his students, there are also many other people involved in the production. my parents and my dad's brothers once noted as "the key of h" lead much of the music. mixed in with some story time, and some kids dressed up as characters. it becomes an interactive kid's playground. all the children come dressed up in their pajamas and bring their blankets and teddy bears...hence a lulluby concert. :)
about a month ago, michael brought emma up to see it. when you walk into the auditorium you have the chance to visit with some of the musicians and check out their instruments. you can also see how the stage is set up. off to one side there is a swing where a young lady sits and swings on at the end of the show. it is two ropes suspended from the ceiling and knotted on each side of a wooden board. it is a swing. by looking at it, it looks intruiging. especially if you are a child! swinging inside? huh? moms usually don't let you RUN inside, much less swing inside.
unfortunately, the poor girl who was intended to ride the swing came down with a flu bug, and wasn't able to perform during the show. our beautiful and willing daughter was given the opportunity to show off her swinging skills :)
i think looking up at the swing, she was probably very excited...but also apprehensive. it was getting late, she was tired, and it was a large audience of people she didn't know all looking at her. it was a new experience...and something she would just have to try.
michael followed her up on stage and helped her up onto the swing. slowly at first he just kind of nudged her. just to get her used to it. she had to practice the balancing because there were only two ropes...not four. if that makes any sense. the song went on and i think she became more comfortable and more confident...but as her comfort level increased causing her to rely more on herself...so did her weariness. at one point she turned around and looked at her daddy and said, "daddy, i tired..." in the softest little voice. michael could see her little arms shaking as they were holding on for dear life. he whispered in her ear, "i know honey, you are doing such an awesome job. hold on just a little longer." in trusting reply she squeeked out, "okay". no question. just trusting what her father told her to do because he knew her...and he knew what she could take. and if by chance her little arms would have given out, her would have been right there behind her ready to catch her if she should fall.
now, as an analogy, i'm sure you all are smart enough i don't have to explain the comparison. but just in case...:)
when we began this journey it sure looked new, terrifying, and maybe even a little exciting. we didn't know what the swing would do, and we didn't know how hard we would have to work at balancing. balancing our marriage, our children, our families, our friends, and just even the normal every day activities. but because our "normal" pregnancy got the flu and kind had to leave, we were left with no choice but to hop on the swing. that first push was a very uncertain one. we kept looking back, making sure there was someone behind us to support us. to catch us if we should fall. and there you all were. just like you promised. i believe there were even a couple pushes where we were ready to bail. to jump off the swing and say, "i don't want to do this anymore." but then we would have missed out on the exhilaration of the wind blowing through our hair...and the reckless abandonment to trusting a rope to suspend us over the crowd. so we kept on. as we started to become more comfortable with that silly swing, we started to trust our own ability more, and not so much that of our supporters. we moved in time to the music and compensated where the swing threw us off balance. now when i started swinging, i was under the assumption that i would be swinging to something of twinkle twinkle little star...not one of beethoven's symphonies. i think i can safely speak for both my husband and daughter, also. as our song has wore on and on and on and on we've found ourselves turning around to our Daddy and whispering, "Daddy, i'm tired." and you know what we hear in return? you got it. "I know you are my child. but hold on just a little longer for the end is near. and if you should get too tired and fall, you know I will catch you."
as a musician, i find one more thing interesting. music. the beginning catches your attention. it's something that grabs your heart and your ear to keep you wanting more. the middle sometimes can get long, but it's where all the details are thought out. it's where the story is told, and i guess it's just the creme in the middle. the filling. the "good" stuff. but the ending...if there were no ending, there would be no resolution. and if you ask any musician..at least one of classical music...you always need a resolution. your ears hurt if there isn't one. and you walk away feeling incomplete. always something inside of you going.....ugh..ahh...eeeh...you just need that one final chord!
we are music :)
wren is going down tomorrow for his trach operation. please pray for a covering and protection of his life and his throat. pray for no complications and for a speedy recovery. also pray for his poor little tummy. as you know before any surgery...no food. poor little one. i don't think he's gonna understand that part. it probably won't be until the afternoon sometime. i'll try and post something on the web as soon as he goes down. love to all and have a good night. oh yes, the rest of the surgeries are going to be post-poned until later on this week because of conflicting days for the surgeons...and michael and i won't budge on who we want for his surgeries. so tentatively planned for friday, but we'll see. God bless. erin lee

in addition...
at 11:10am. wren just went down to surgery. erin called me this morning. wren wasn't very happy about the not eating all morning part. he was crying. i got to hear his voice. not a cry that was full of pain or terror. it was a cry that was gentle and soft. i dont think he's scared. he knows whos in control. and i pray that, that gentle soft cry stays in my ears and heart for at least the next few months. thank you for your prayers. we'll update this as soon as we know more. they say the surgery takes about an hour. we love you all. michael

ok... change of plans.
erin just called again. dr. moier decided he wants to do it all at once. wren is returning to his room now. and they will both go into surgery tomorrow and it will take most of the day. we trust dr. moier and his decision. he is a very wise man and a very trusting man. sorry about the confusion. michael

Friday, November 14, 2003 11:41 AM CST

if a mother's brain can be fried...i'd have to say my mother's is. she's kinda loosin' it - from a baby's standpoint anyway. i don't know...maybe this IS how mommies are supposed to be? this morning bright and early i had an eye exam. oh, i just hate those. not to use a nasty word...but i really do hate them. first they put these drops in your eyes that makes them dialate, and then after about a half an hour they come in and clamp a big machine on your head that holds your eyelids open. mommy says she can still see the marks of the "toothpicks". the good news is that the dr. said my eyes are looking so good, i don't have to have another one for 6 months. mommy said she needs to go out and buy a 3 ring binder to start keeping track of all the things that i'm involved in. not excluding a pocket page to keep the millions of business cards she is getting from each dr. once the eye exam was done, i was almost immediately whisked onto another bed to go down and have my upper gi done via flouroscopy. at least it was not an endoscopy. i don't think i would have liked that very much at all. but this wasn't the fair either. mommy stood at the head of the bed and cried as the gi doc pumped my belly full of the dye until i puked. they wanted to see what kind of a reaction i had. then they put me on my right side for 15 minutes to track and take pictures. then on my back. then on my left side. then on my right side. then on my back...etc.etc.etc. boy was i mad by the time they were done. i just kept crying..."what did i ever do to you? just leave me alone!" but no one listened. i tell ya...for all you adults out there, if you want to teach your child to listen...LEARN TO LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!!!!! anyway, we FINALLY got done and came back up to my room, only to discover my ostomy bag is coming off. mommy said, "hands off" and left it at that. we'll fix it later. then as she was turning around to do something, a person from the trach department came in and wanted to talk to her about all that a trach involved. so they sat and talked for about 45 minutes. scared the pee out of mommy and made her want to do anything possible to avoid it...but not so sure that's going to happen. dr. thompson (ent) is going to take a look at me next week before we make the final decision, so pray pray pray for divine intervention. just as wendy was leaving, the lab people showed up to do a blood draw. yeah, that's right, they want to stick me...cute me...with more needles. mommy kind of lost it and told them to leave. go mom. she said i had a very rough morning and i didn't need anyone to be touching me right now. fore-warning. don't mess with mom today. from what i hear she is normally a pretty cheerful mommy - well, if you ever want to see the dark side of her, just try to come and do something with me today. she'll tell you what you can do with your wasted time! so, for now i am napping. yes, that's right. writing this in my sleep. (personally i think mommy should take a nap, too!) God bless. wren

Thursday, November 13, 2003 5:54 PM CST

"how many scars can a ba-byyy have, before they call him a man?...the answer my friends is blowing in the wind (hospital) the answer is blowing in the wind..." so, i went down and had my ct-scan done this morning. bright and early! but mommy did get out of bed soon enough to join me for the occasion. the machine was real cool looking and very very fast. it took my pictures in 1/10 of a second. that means it could take 10 pictures of me every 1 second if it had to! but i'm sure that's probably not what you are interested in.
my results? i am a miracle...once again. they showed very little if any signs of bpd. (bronchial pulminary displasia) a common lung disease in preemies. and that i was...in case you didn't know. :) also, they didn't find a whole lot of scarring that you would have assumed i would have had. so the problem with my lungs you ask...they are little. so the good and bad news of it all is this. my lungs are not in that bad of shape which means i get to go to surgery to have my prolapse fixed. the bad news...i get more than just my prolapse fixed. the plan so far...unless God intervenes which is very possible...is i will also get a tracheostomy. reason being is that after my gut is put back in...or at least the prolapse is fixed, it will be putting an aweful lot of pressure on my diaphram and hence on my lungs. my little lungs. so to alleviate the necessity of being on a c-pap vent for another couple of months and hindering my mental development, they decided that this is probably the best route to go. they are also planning on doing my circumcision along with a g-tube, which is just a direct tube to my stomach for feeds instead of having a tube down my nose all the time. i am going down tomorrow to have an upper gi done with the possibility in mind that i might have to have my stomach muscle stitched a little tighter around my esophogus to prevent reflux. depending on the results of the gi tomorrow they may also do a ph probe early next week...but for sure before i would go to surgery. this is a lot to think about for a little guy and you know i would greatly appreciate a lot of prayer on the matter...matters! so in brief. ostomy prolapse fix, tracheostomy, g-tube, circumcision, and the nissen fundoplication...or the "wrap". so good news, huh? lots of love your way...keep those prayers a comin'. love wren.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 5:31 PM CST

good evening to all. well, so far no eye people to check me...that's okay! maybe tomorrow...hopefully not. i got a bath today and that in and of itself is a procedure! the dr.'s over here have been talking, and they are really trying to push for me to have my bowel re-inserted. tonight they are going to run a blood gas on me and tomorrow i go down for a cat-scan. they are going to check my lungs out to see if i could withstand surgery, and hopefully...prayerfully...if everything comes out good, next week i might go down. there is a lot of details involved which i'm sure you will get over the next week. my bowel seems to be prolapsing about 2 cm every other day. anyway, sorry this is very abrupt, but i am busy peeing through my outfit and sucking on my nose prongs right now. just trying to get mommy's attention! love wren.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003 8:32 PM CST

O Lord, so many threaten me and fill me with alarm. They laugh at me and say that You can't keep me from their harm. But I know You're my shield, O Lord, You guard and keep me still. When I cry out for help, You come down from Your holy hill. I fall asleep with You each night and wake secure from harm. I will not fear though thousands tgry to tear me from YOur arms. Come quickly, Lord, deliver me, my enemies draw near. Crush all who now endanger me, who try to make me fear. For YOu alone can guard me, Lord, Joy only comes from You. You guard and keep me every day and bless all that I do. Psalm 3.
So often i forget the goodness of my God. mommy says that sometimes it's easy to get lost in the logistics of every day. the endless fight between faith and reality can be confusing. even to a 6 month old. :) i guess maybe that's why God reminds us to just keep our eyes on Him and let His desires become my desires. i have faith that He heals the sick. i have faith that He knows my every need...even before my dr.'s and my mom and dad. i have faith that the path i am walking is not unfamiliar territory to Him. and i have faith that ye, though i walk through the valley of death i shall not fear for He is with me. i guess to me that means even though i go through my scary not-so-fun moments...He is still right there beside me. to guard and guide me...hey, that rhymes!but, i definitely have those times when humanly i do realize that bad things happen. the sick are not always healed and the blind don't always see. that's the part that i get hung up on at times. and until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes...it's hard to realize that everything is not always black and white. but, like i said, praise God for the reminder to keep my eyes on Him. for in that i find peace. i didn't say this to give you the impression that i am down-hearted or discouraged...or even that i am not continually drawing strength from my Lord...i just said it because it is one of those things that i think about on this journey. :)
anyway...my echo came back and it looks good. they were kind of checking for the possibility of pulminary hypertension and didn't find any :) Praise God. my hearing test so far is also normal. they only completed my right side...but all is good so far...oops...this is cut short because i am starting to get hungry. but know that i am doing well over here! by prayer and supplications...thank you. wren michael

Monday, November 10, 2003 9:09 PM CST

apologies...it has been a LONG weekend. my big sister got very sick and the dr.'s in mankato even threatened to admit her over there. mommy said that daddy did a good job in averting that. i don't know what mommy and daddy would have done if they had to run back and forth between me and my sis. she is doing much better now. still sick, but hanging out at the ronald mcdonald house with grandma and mommy. i'm still hanging out in the picu. actually, doing fairly well! i've had many many big days full of tests and shots and all those things they so call good things :) some of the tests they are going to have to re-run. like my hearing test tomorrow. they also ran a echo-gram today along with another set of immunizations to get me caught up. tomorrow i get my cynergist for rsv and who knows what else. i am enjoying my big boy room, though. mommy says i even seem more like a big boy. my voice is getting stronger and my muscles actually seem to be improving too. i will give a better update probably tomorrow. mommy ordered me up a lap top for my room from the child develpment center. all the commodities right here within my reach. makes the hospital not such a bad place! don't get me wrong...i would like to go home...but this is not so bad. i am ready for an uninterupted nap. when mommy is up here, she stands guard and it sometimes happens...but sometimes it is also unavoidable. well, love to all and the prayers are so appreciated. oh, and i also got to meet my uncle peter and aunt becky tonight. that was fun! looking forward to many many more play dates with them and my cousin dominyc. love wren

Thursday, November 6, 2003 9:37 PM CST

so, here it came and went! today was moving day!!!! and i guess i slept through the whole thing. mommy said she is very very tired tonight. i think just the whole mental switch of it all wore her out. :) i'm not sure what i think so far...it will take me a bit to get used to this king sized room! i have my own bathroom...which i can't use but mommy can, my own tv and vcr, my own phone, a closet, a BIG window with a GREAT view, and you can fit like 3 chairs in here plus a couch for mommy to sleep in and still have room left over to store all of my toys. mommy said she was bombarded today with new people and new staff and specialists and people wanting to check me out. just about made her head spin...but it was all good. i am so glad that everyone wants to get to know me so well. my nurse deb is going to go over tonight and give my new nurse kristen a low down on who i am and what i like. i've already shown my blue colors to nurse gina. she didn't think that was very funny...hmmm, i might have to learn some new tricks over here! anyway, tomorrow mommy's day is plum full of meetings so i guess she brought my big sister back tonight to mankato so she wouldn't have to hang around here. actually, a special thanks to kristen today and her lovely lovely girls for rescuing mommy. rumor has it my big sis has somewhat of a stuffy nose and mommy didn't want her anywhere near me today. so thankfully God definitely paved a way for mommy to be here during my 6 hour move and meetings and not have to worry about emma. anyway...love to all...this is kind of short, but i am kind of tired so i will give a real good update tomorrow...hopefully. love you all wren.

Wednesday, November 5, 2003 8:09 PM CST

okay, over the past few weeks, mommy said she has had a few people emailing her asking her to see some "before" and "after" pictures of me, and also to see a picture of the whole family. believe it or not, i guess some of you out there don't know what we look like...maybe it's better that way :) anyway, so i forwarded my request on to mom and she said she would do her best. so some of these pictures are repeats, but it's all for the sake of history.
tomorrow around 12:00 p.m. is the big move. mommy was bustling around the room tonight packing things up and making it all clean in here. my primary nurse over there is a wonderful wonderful person. she had a son, caleb, over here by me for a while, and got out in a wonderful amount of time. she is a Christian and just has the sweetest disposition. already, she has taken me under her wing and made sure that i'm taken care of. i'm excited and nervous. but mostly excited. :) love to all....wren
sorry the first picture is MAJOR big...nuthin' i could do about it...and the last picture is really dark...but i think you can kind of see anyway. p.s. cover the children's eyes on the first one...mommy doesn't have anything covering me!

Wednesday, November 5, 2003 11:20 AM CST

sorry it has been a couple of days. i'm keeping busy growing and trying to work on some new developmental skills...like turning my head to look and playing with my own hands and lifting my legs up to develop stomach muscles. lots of fun things. mommy calls them exercises and she says it's one of those things that right now is a "do as i say and not as i do" type of a thing. (she says the gym is calling her name but she has ignored it for a while now.) tentative plan is that i am moving tomorrow. mommy is a little nervous....not so sure on how i should be feeling, but all in all it should be a good move. lot's more big boy things to do and lots of nurses who love to play with babies. :) i am still doing pretty well. i don't like being under my hood right now. just c-pap and nursing. those are the only 2 things i like...oh, and my mobile. i like that too...it doesn't touch me. pray that tomorrow's move goes smoothly and that i adapt to my new surroundings easily. pray for wisdom for my NEW nurses and dr.'s and that we will grow by leaps and bounds. love to all...wren

Monday, November 3, 2003 5:11 PM CST

word on the street has it i might be moving to the PICU sometime this week. we'll see. i am having a pretty good day. i kind of rocked the boat a little bit lastnight, but am better today. back to a peep of 3 on my vent and running between 30 and 40 percent oxygen. i love to eat. i could eat all day long if mommy would let me. although, mommy says she doesnt' really think i'm hungry...just enjoying eating. permission granted. she says i can enjoy whatever i can find right now. :) these are the nice days when there is little to report. love wren.

Monday, November 3, 2003 0:23 AM CST

hey! i'm a corn cob. so sweet you could eat me up. i'm up to 8 lb.s and 5 oz. now. thank you to sweet auntie jill for lending me this corn cob costume. i guess my sister was a ballerina for halloween and a very pretty one at that. i had a pretty good weekend. a few dips here and there, but i got to spend the entire weekend with miss mariah and linda. they are both very very sweet and take very good care of me. :) sorry not a whole lot to report...but keep those prayers coming. lots of love your way...wren.
p.s. i put one different photo on the picture page, but it's kind of fuzzy. sorry 'bout that.

Thursday, October 30, 2003 6:39 PM CST

so, i was going to do the update personally, but i have to go by what mom and dad say because they wouldn't let me bring all my machines down to the conference room to listen and to put my two cents in. first, i'll tell ya, this nursing thing? no problem. mommy tells me i nurse like a "real baby" now. and boy do i love it. my eyes get real wide because i think the flood gates of heaven have been opened and they are pouring down into my tummy. it's so good, that i'm pretty sure i can nurse anything that my mouth comes in contact with. i tried to suck on nurse amy's arm lastnight, i smacked my little lips at nurse lisa today...but for some reason both girls denied me and told me they couldn't help me out. boy was i ever disappointed. but then when mommy comes up...my disappointment quickly fades. :) as it turns out, mommy and daddy only met with dr. johnson and goldie today. which mommy says is a good thing. from what i understand her brain hurts and her head is tired just from thinking about the little bit that they did talk about. first things first. no decisions have been made yet, but we think we are starting to concoct a "game plan". no one told me we were going to be playing games...i would have done this a long time ago. i might miss something tonight...but i'll catch it later if i do. the biggest discussion was what are we going to do with me? we have a few options. option number 1.) keep me in the NICU inevitably...ha ha...not going to happen. 2.) transfer me down to the PICU (pediatrics ICU) after i have become somewhat stable. this is a good option because i am just down the hall and if i start acting funny and no one can figure me out they can give a holler to everyone down here who does know me very very well. in the PICU i will have more 'big boy' stimulation...whatever that is...mommy says there is a t.v. down there and that most boys like t.v. for some reason. something about it being our cave where we can relax...what? anyway, she promised baby einstein videos...music...and even a cot where i can cuddle up next to her for naps and snuggle time. you mean i get to sleep with my mommy? that's nice. after i spend some time in the PICU there is a possibility of me being transferred once more down to the general peds floor. or i could possibly go to mankato...or i could possibly go to the cities. options options options. branching off of that...i don't necessarily have to go to the rochester PICU first. i could also go up to the cities where they have a chronic lung/pulminary specialist. this is a good thing for me...only set back is that mommy is adamant that she wants dr. moir to do the reinostimosis. and if i went up to the cities to help my lungs, i wouldn't get dr. moir for my gut. hmmm...mommy asked if she could just have her cake and eat it too. have all the specialists come together in one place and all do their thing, and then i would be all good. 'cuz i'm special. they said no. so, dr. johnson also talked to dr. davis (my soon to be pediatrician in mankato) about me....she said that as special as i am, she doesn't want me to be known by just her so she is going to get all the pediatricians involved...i'm becoming more special by the minute. they said they have options if i do come back to mankato and per say if something were to happen, they would probably end up sending me up to minneapolis. i'm a travelin' man. mommy said she would like the plan to go like this. me stay in the NICU for just a little longer while i stabalize, then graduate to the PICU for a little bit, get my gut re-connected in a couple of months, go back to the PICU for a little while, then transfer down to either the general peds, or if my lungs are still giving me problems transfer me up to the cities, get my lung thing taken care of, transfer me back down to mankato, and then if need be get me home with some home health care nursing. they also talked quite extensively about BPD (bronchial pulminary displasia) and effects and what it is and does and all that other not so good stuff. i could go into great detail, but then you would all sit at your computer for the rest of the night and no one would get anything done. so, for now, lets just speak that which is not as though it were and claim good things for my lungs and my life! my brain is tired and i think i am ready to rest for a little while. continue to pray that all these big people continue to use wisdom in their decision making, and i promise i'll continue to just rest in Jesus' arms. :) love to all...if you have any questions please go ahead and write them on the guest book part...i'll do my best to answer...only if you're going to ask when do i get to come home (i guess mommy gets that one a lot) i don't know. maybe i need a delorian (spelling?) where i can travel into the future and then i'll tell you :) for now, i guess i just take it day by day...by day by day by day by day...God bless...wren michael

Wednesday, October 29, 2003 10:50 PM CST

tomorrow is our care conference with all the big wigs :) pray for wisdom for everyone involved. we are meeting at 10:00 a.m. and hopefully will have a better understanding of a plan for wren when we are through. wren is doing very well today. he nursed twice and got a bath. thank you also to barb and david and rhena for coming over tonight and laying hands on wren and praying. what a blessing it has been to have you reach out to us and take us under your praying wing. thank you. and thank you to everyone via internet who continues to pray. it is the strength that holds us together! God bless and we'll give you a really good update tomorrow. erin lee

Tuesday, October 28, 2003 9:10 PM CST

here is a question for you. Lord, how do i offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving? a sacrifice of praise? for to me, out of these sacrifices there seems to be no sacrifice at all. from it my heart gathers peace and strength and rest. where is the sacrifice? give me understanding that i may observe Thy law, and keep it with ALL my heart. Lord, i long for you. as i've searched your Word for the truth of our situation God...this is what i've found.
i have prayed in earnest and in faith claiming the life of my son for your kingdom and as a living testimony for You here on earth. i've claimed, for him, a long life. i've held onto his life tighter than anything i've ever held. then i let him go. i placed him in your arms and have said, "Thy will be done." I have danced for joy for his life, and wept in sorrow for his pain. I've thrown countless questions at You - and graciously, You have...at times...given answers - and at other times You have simply calmed my heart. but faithful You have always been. I've accepted death yet valued life. I've drawn closer to You and have become more mature in You, yet my faith has grown to be child-like. i ask that i might receive, yet i let go that i may trust. so, for all the ways that i've searched out to know which way is the "right" way; God, i've found this.
"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven - "
"A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up. A time to week, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing; A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together. A time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace." Ecc. 3:1-8.
and you know what i've found? through it all, God remains faithful. He is still God, and He acknowledges my weakness and pours His grace over my ignorance. In fact, I'd have to believe that He down right throws my confusion as far as the east is from the west. and just as there are seasons in life, i am finding that there are also seasons in my time of trial - and as God changes my heart to be more like His, I belive He guides me through what He wants me to be , and how He wants me to grow in Him. so there you have it!
Yesterday, i was sitting on our living room carpet (dry carpet) thinking about the many many many things i think of each day, when i turned and looked out our patio windows. sitting on the floor of our deck was a wren. not kidding. he looked a little dazed and so i slowly opened the door and gently placed my hands around him and drew him close to me. we talked for a few minutes and then i thought maybe he was ready to leave. so i opened my hands and waited. nothing. he sat there in my palm and looked at me expectantly. so i drew him close again and we talked for a few more minutes. finally, after a quick flight around our living room, i picked him up one last time and brought him to the edge of our deck. he looked at me one more time and then flew away.......huh. i felt like i held a promise in my hand for a few moments. as i was washing my hands i looked down at my fingers and saw one more beautiful promise my husband had given me 5 years ago. the promise that no matter what...for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse...we would always be one. boy do those promises ever hold meaning to me right now! i can't imagine going through this without my michael. he has been everything to me, and a solid foundation during a rocky storm. good things come from the Father's hands...and i've held many many good things in mine. AMEN.
wren got extubated today! and that's about all the news that i have. short and sweet, huh? :) God bless.

Sunday, October 26, 2003 8:06 PM CST

so, mommy went home for the weekend to spend some time with daddy and to get a few projects done! from what i hear, they accomplished more than intended. emma said that mommy tried to make a swimming pool for us out of the laundry room and the basement, but then realized that the house wasn't meant to hold water. at least not that much. it started out as a "paint the laundry room" project, but soon after a load of wash was put in and mommy and daddy were no where to be found (in the garage fixing trim) did the washer spring a leak. well, a drain hose to be exact. 30 minutes later mommy poked her head in the door to go get something and daddy heard this big scream. here comes daddy to save the day! he rushed in like a super hero and shut the water valve off but only in time to save the upstairs bedrooms and the kitchen from flooding out. just kidding. but i guess the basement and the hallways and a little of the living room got washed. as mommy and daddy were in the hall laughing with their pajama pants pulled up to their thighs and their toes and feet SQUISHING on towels to mop up the water, mommy said, "remember daddy, ALL things work for the good for those who love Him and we REALLY LOVE HIM." so, they continued to laugh and what started out as a "let's paint the laundry room" turned into...let's pull off the trim and empty the furnace room in the basement and get a carpet cleaner not to mention pull everything from the shelves and...well you get the picture. then, to get the floor dry on the main part of the house, they opened the windows lastnight and closed their bedroom door (with my sister in with them...of course). when mommy woke up in the middle of the night (she got really sick with the flu) the house was at 49 degrees. burrrrr. from what i hear that's cold. so, needless to say the weekend didn't go quite as planned and not a whole lot of relaxing went on! but boy does it make for a good story. :)
scoopdy doop on me. i am NOT going to have surgery next week. dr. asey says he thinks my lungs are still too delicate to handle it right now. i think he's right. dr. moir said that the side effects from the surgery would be 1. swelling because that is the body's natural response to any injury. 2. more pressure on my lungs because more intestine is stuffed back inside my belly. and 3. they would have to use a positive pressure flow in my intubation because of the anesthesia. all of these things have some not so good effects on my already sick lungs. the only exception would be if my intestines for some reason caused me to get sick. as in if there were a blockage or something...then that risk would out weigh my lung risk and they would put me down in a heartbeat. so, for now just pray for stability and less irritation. tonight i am sitting in the 30's for oxygen...still at a peep of 6 on my vent, but i seem to be feeling better. lastnight they started giving me some gas drops and oh, i feel so so so much more comfortable. sorry it took me so long for an update this weekend. it has just been busy! lots and lots of new admits up here. love you all and God bless. :) Big wren

Thursday, October 23, 2003 7:52 PM CDT

"When peace like a river attendeth my way.
When sorrows like sea billows roll.
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, It is well with my soul."

such amazing, comforting words. taken so wisely from a book written by dr. hoekstra and daniel taylor, is the constant battle that any parent of a sick child, whether it be a preemie or a child with an illness, has in their mind.
"And so we 'question it constantly' even as we are believing and obeying. (referring to our faith.) It is not one or the other, believeing or questioning, it is both at the same time. "I do believe," says the man pleading to Jesus for the life of his son in the Gospel of Mark, and in the same breath he whispers, "Help me overcome my unbelief." If you think doubt cancels out belief or that belief cancels out doubt, then you probably have never stared at 19 ounces of your own flesh and blood struggling to live." As we continue on this incredible journey, we have definitely had time to think about all the various aspects of what our situation has brought us, and could bring us. i'm sure both my husband and i have much of the same visions of what God is bringing us through, but i also believe that God is accomplishing a seperate work in both of us. one that has been tailored to fit our very need and growth. for me over here, i've come to the conclusion that this has been what God has assigned to me for this time in my life. wren has been assigned to me, for however many days God has given him. the more time i spend up in the NICU the more i realize what an honor it has been for me to have seen the things i've seen. met the people i've met. witnessed the miracles i've witnessed. (including my own son). "for I have put you here for such a time as this." the road has oftened seemed long and weary, but boy when you get that breath of fresh air, and God shows you once again that He has got a special purpose for you...it gives you the strength to persevere. the heart to hold on to the hope. speaking of which...isn't it wonderful that God has GIVEN us hope? what would we do or feel without it? just an after thought. i love that i can hope. i love it even more that God gave me hope. it is from Him and i can hold onto it for all that i am. i don't have to settle for just a little...i can hope for it ALL! anyway, just some amazing and wonderful thoughts for tonight. because of wren, hundreds...maybe thousands...of people have been brought to their knees in prayer - and i know that God LOVES our prayers. and not to brag or be a proud parent or anything...but God chose me as his mother. man that makes my heart leap. and often, i believe, God likes to be reminded of His promises to us as we hide His word in our hearts. when we go through the ups and downs and backs and forths...it has become apparant that maybe this is what life will be like?!? so well put -
"It is a real question whether the disaster will, in fact, ever pass. Perhaps it will only arrive in full. Or perhaps it will never really either arrive, with the death of your child, or pass, with your child certified healthy and whole. Perhaps it will be crisis, followed by progress, followed by new crisis, followed by decline, followed by neither progress nor decline, ad infinitum."
in all honesty...as you all have walked this walk with us that is how it feels at times. so is the life of a preemie...but no less valuable and no less loved...just a little more excitement - maybe? but here is a psalm that i ran across that i have never heard before...but it has become a good bargaining tool with God (if He allows me to even bargain :) "Turn O Lord and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave?"
Great joy and great pain. Both are real. Neither eliminates the other. But joy and faith get the final word.
sorry this is becoming very abstract. i'm sure most of you are looking more for an update on the kiddo. so here it is...
i met with dr. moyer tonight (the surgeon). by the look in his eyes and the words of his mouth, he is a man of faith, and a faith in God no less. although, within the confines of a hospital i believe it is an unspoken thing - you just know. so to know that my son's life has been held in the hands of a praying man is one more blessing counted. he said in regards of doing either the repairment of the prolapse or the reinostimosis...the repairing of the prolapse is the game plan. we are meeting with one of the neonatologists and dr. moyer tomorrow to come to a conclusion. the only reason we would put it off is if wren's lungs are too sick to handle the surgery. reconecting wren totally is out of the question for now, reason being - if anything...ANYTHING were to happen to the intestines...another blockage or a perf or leakage...it would mean death for wren. and those are the words from the surgeon. we decided that wasn't what we wanted! but on the flip side of the coin, he does need to be reconnected withing the next 3-6 months because the nerves in the brain will be mostly completed by his first birthday. and little did i know it is actually a learned response to stool. if wren doesn't use his colon or rectum for stooling, his brain won't know how to do it. also with his stomas prolapsing the way they are, if too much intestine gets out and isn't put back in in a timely manner then his abdominal cavity becomes somewhat of an empty house and would eventually get too small to put any intestine back in. man these dr.'s are smart! so it's a game of timing and health and prayer. but so far, i do believe wren will be going down next week for prolapse fixin'. you can pray specifically for the health of his lungs and for the ostomy repairing. i think that is it for now. he is still intubated and still as cute as a button. thank you again for everyone's continued support. love to all...erin lee (oh, the BIG meeting was actually scheduled for next thursday, not this thursday...for as much as i know - i don't know much :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2003 7:06 PM CDT

mommy said she can feel the prayers of everyone around the world. today she had such joy in her heart that it really was unexplainable, and a joy that we all know can only come from God the Father. she even put a sign up outside my room that said,"speak good things into my life when you enter...i like it." such as "speak that which is not as though it were." the ones i like the best are..."Wren! You are such a BIG BOY" "Wren, look at how healthy you look today." "Wren, look at how far you've come and how well you are doing." "Wren, i cannot wait to see you off of the ventilator and oxygen...i know that day is coming soon!" there are many many more, but i really like these. :) there are a few funny stories from the past few days, but for now i'll just let you know that i am staying stable. my peep is down to 7 and my rate is now at 35 on the vent. i am around 50 percent oxygen and mad as a beehive that i have a tube down my nose. i am very purposefull as my nurse deb says. my hands are very talented and i've been here long enough that i know just what tubes to grab and yank. they try to sedate me, but HAHAAA even this...this does not work! not for the uncooperative wren. so, for now, pray for peace. also, pray for my ostomy. i have some really funny stuff happening down there...and hopefully i will be in surgery within the next couple of days. they will not re-inostimize me yet, but they will fix the prolapse. it kind of looks like i have some intestine getting pushed into the prolapsed intestine. just a mess. but i know not too messy for my God. lots of love and thanks. Big wren.
p.s. thank you to whoever put the gas card in mommy's and daddy's church mailbox. it was exactly what they needed. God bless.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003 9:24 AM CDT

okay, mommy told me that in light of everything that has happened over the last couple of weeks...we need to praise God and thank Him for the miracles as we have seen them done. and not only that, but praise Him and thank Him for the miracles that He is continuing to do!
Jesus, i thank you from my bed for the very gift of life. i thank you for me being here today, because as many dr.'s proclaimed at the very beginning, biologically, medically, realistically...i should not be here. yet, here i am...and here You are performing Your absolute miracles in my very life. miracles made for today...not just yesterday, and not just tomorrow...but TODAY. thank you for the miracle of protecting me from any brain bleeds. No Hydrocephylus. that is amazing God. Praise You for your awesome work. thank you for bringing me through the trials of bowel problems. endless as they have seemed...you have maintained me and my intestines and have sustained my life. the dr's didn't expect me to make it past the perforation...yet you miraculously formed a fistula in my belly and caused the poisonous stool to pour out. Wow! what an amazing feat. thank you for gaurding my preemie lungs. what should have been a set up for collapse or other problems...have now been restored. praise you Lord that i (we) have seen Your mighty hand. thank you for a healthy heart. thank you for a will to survive. thank you for the light in me that will not die. and thank you for making me uncooperative. uncooperative in giving up. uncooperative in laying back and letting things happen. uncooperative in giving the adults what they thought was surely the inevitable. i am uncooperative up here in the NICU and proud of it! i am feisty, i am surged with the power of my most high Jesus, and i am ready to beat this at all odds. forgive my mommy and daddy when they don't understand. when they feel tired and beaten, Lord, please remind them that you know the plans you have for me. you gave me a strong heart. and in Your Word You said that it all begins in the heart. so here it starts. by Your Holy power i will be going home. and i will be a miracle to Your name. all honor and power and glory and dominion be yours...and use me to accomplish your will. AMEN!
i got re-intubated yesterday. just to let you all know. no one is quite sure why. i just got tired and couldn't do it. i actually got a code called on me because my heart rate flopped. boy to see all those people come running...it almost scared the poop out of me! but, mommy said she has talked to many many people between yesterday and today...and the conclusion is...God has a reason. nothing we expect, but please pray for the wisdom and guidance of all my dr.'s. i don't know if any of them know Jesus, and so on their behalf...just in case they don't ask for the Great Physician's wisdom before deciding what to do with me...pray for wisdom for them. that God would guide their minds and hearts and hands. that i would come out of this stronger and more healed. thank you for your unending support and prayers. love to all....wren michael (cheif or ruler who is like God).

Tuesday, October 21, 2003 9:24 AM CDT

okay, mommy told me that in light of everything that has happened over the last couple of weeks...we need to praise God and thank Him for the miracles as we have seen them done. and not only that, but praise Him and thank Him for the miracles that He is continuing to do!
Jesus, i thank you from my bed for the very gift of life. i thank you for me being here today, because as many dr.'s proclaimed at the very beginning, biologically, medically, realistically...i should not be here. yet, here i am...and here You are performing Your absolute miracles in my very life. miracles made for today...not just yesterday, and not just tomorrow...but TODAY. thank you for the miracle of protecting me from any brain bleeds. No Hydrocephylus. that is amazing God. Praise You for your awesome work. thank you for bringing me through the trials of bowel problems. endless as they have seemed...you have maintained me and my intestines and have sustained my life. the dr's didn't expect me to make it past the perforation...yet you miraculously formed a fistula in my belly and caused the poisonous stool to pour out. Wow! what an amazing feat. thank you for gaurding my preemie lungs. what should have been a set up for collapse or other problems...have now been restored. praise you Lord that i (we) have seen Your mighty hand. thank you for a healthy heart. thank you for a will to survive. thank you for the light in me that will not die. and thank you for making me uncooperative. uncooperative in giving up. uncooperative in laying back and letting things happen. uncooperative in giving the adults what they thought was surely the inevitable. i am uncooperative up here in the NICU and proud of it! i am feisty, i am surged with the power of my most high Jesus, and i am ready to beat this at all odds. forgive my mommy and daddy when they don't understand. when they feel tired and beaten, Lord, please remind them that you know the plans you have for me. you gave me a strong heart. and in Your Word You said that it all begins in the heart. so here it starts. by Your Holy power i will be going home. and i will be a miracle to Your name. all honor and power and glory and dominion be yours...and use me to accomplish your will. AMEN!
i got re-intubated yesterday. just to let you all know. no one is quite sure why. i just got tired and couldn't do it. i actually got a code called on me because my heart rate flopped. boy to see all those people come running...it almost scared the poop out of me! but, mommy said she has talked to many many people between yesterday and today...and the conclusion is...God has a reason. nothing we expect, but please pray for the wisdom and guidance of all my dr.'s. i don't know if any of them know Jesus, and so on their behalf...just in case they don't ask for the Great Physician's wisdom before deciding what to do with me...pray for wisdom for them. that God would guide their minds and hearts and hands. that i would come out of this stronger and more healed. thank you for your unending support and prayers. love to all....wren michael (cheif or ruler who is like God).

Sunday, October 19, 2003 3:51 PM CDT

"My child, inside I love you,
I'm asking through the tears
That God would grant me wisdom
way beyond my years.
Because your life is precious
and the best for you is in store
I pulled upon my heartstrings
until they finally tore."
"And I prayed
And I cried
And because I love you so I'm letting go
To trust the One...I know for sure
I'll place you in the Father's hands
the Only One will ever love you more."

Transposed into my heart:
my precious son. my willing, hurting daughter. there is nothing in this world that i wouldn't do for either of you. right now as your mother i've come to an end. and all that seems to have met me there is my heart ache for each of you. my tears that show my helplessness to fix this for either one of you, and my inability to be able to be the perfect mother for both of you that i had desired to be before all of this began. the Lord has promised me that when i have come to my end...He is right there ready to take our hands to start the very beginning. so right now all i can do is to plead with Him that He will show me His heart and cause me to lavish the love upon you that only He can give. i've never felt old enough, or wise enough, or even strong enough to be the teacher, mentor, and friend that you both deserve, but i'm learning through God's gentle teaching that it's not about me, but rather about Him...and you. you both are the most amazing things, creatures...children that God has ever created. and i know that He loves you BEST. there is nothing in heaven nor here on earth that even compares with you. your life is precious. and if He cares for the birds of the field and the lilies of the valley...then oh how much more does He love you...His very own child. more than even your father or I could ever love you. right now, my heart is breaking for you. i am so sorry that i cannot take either of your pains away. i tried so hard. i prayed every prayer i could think of. i fell to my knees and begged God. i layed on my face and pleaded for some sort of mercy for you two. i offered my own life on behalf. i would take double the pain if it would mean that neither of you would have to experience any. but now i realize that that is not what God had in store. for any of us. i know now that just as it has broken my heart into a million pieces to see what you both have gone through...so it also broke the Father's heart to watch His own Son take away my pain. i've asked God over 100 times why it couldn't have been me. why have i been the one to watch and learn instead of experiencing the physical grief that you have had to endure. and all He has said was that it wasn't His plan. for months on end now i have prayed for healing. i have prayed for comfort. i have prayed for a restoration of all that once was. today God showed me that all i need to pray for is grace. a grace so sufficient, so abundant that it covers all. a grace that was so costly to our heavenly Father...yet, it has been given freely to you and to me. kids, i don't know how much longer we are going to be in this. i don't know the days or weeks or even months, but what i do know now is that it is not my job to fix you or plead for your pain to be taken away. it has been simply shown to me that as your mother all i need to do is to pray for the grace and strength of your precious Jesus, your heavenly Father, your Abba daddy to carry you through the hard times. carry you through the days when i have to be split from one or the other of you. carry your through the days when you are getting poked and prodded and all you want to do is to be held. carry you through the nights when you want nothing more than to be by my side, when all i can offer you is a phone hug and a kiss over the sound waves. carry you through the absence of your father and i being in the same secure place. and you know what emma and wren? i know He will. He promised. and as little as i know about the depths of His promises and the depths of His love, i know that He is forever true to His word. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I promise you that. so for all the love in my very being that i have for you...the love that goes to the very depths of my soul, i am handing you both over to the One who loves you more. the One who can hold you even closer, and the One who will never...not ever...let you down. Here I place you in your Father's hands. forgive me for not understanding sooner that it is not about me fixing any of this. God does not make mistakes. each and every moment we spend together...each fiber of your being...each day that both of you spent both inside of me and outside...was counted and numbered in your book of life. so, God give me the grace to let go of you and to love you with a love so freeing, even i cannot contain it. i love you emma. i love you wren. you both are doing such a wonderful job. God's grace be with you for now...and for always. love mom.

Saturday, October 18, 2003 10:48 AM CDT

good morning. well, mommy and emma went home for the weekend. that's okay though. mommy wasn't feeling good and emma wasn't feeling good, and i'd like to stay feeling good so we worked out a pretty good deal! i am still maintaining my sats at around 60 to 70 percent oxygen. i sometimes get a little break under the hood, but like the c-pap because i don't have to work so hard.
the idea next week is that EVERYONE wants to try to get together and pow-wow. when i say everyone i'm saying it would be nice if we could get all the neonatologists, ENT, surgery, id, nurses, othorpedics, pt, ot,...you name it. i guess they want to come up with a "game plan" for me. as much as they love me, i think they are kind wanting to send me to a place called home. me? i'm a little nervous. i've never heard of it before, and i don't like surprises. so most of the time i'm trying my best to stay here, where i know what is coming. anyway, mommy says she promises that i'll like it. just try it. (emma says i'll hear that a lot!) rumor has it they might try to move me over to the peds ICU because i am getting to be such a big boy, but i would still have my same dr.'s because they know me best. we'll see what happens.
mommy says that this last week has become a futher testing of her faith. she was kind of down and out and really asking a lot of questions (to God) about the why's of things. personally i think she misses her friend jill. it was such a HUGE blessing to have someone here with her who she could talk to about everything basically. and not only that, but someone who had a love and heart for Jesus. wisdom that went hand in hand with her Walk, and an understanding of the ramifications of the situation. so, anyway...i guess what i'm saying is mommy was kind of sad. then, this morning, she said she was reading a book and a line really popped out at her. it said, "What looked like an ocean of conviction and belief was nothing more than the shallow pond of self-righteousness." she said as she thought about that line, it came down to many things in her life. one, being the testing of her faith. it is very hard to know how you will react in faith until you are actually tested. now mommy had the presumption that this test she was going through was going to last only a short time. little did she think it might last a little longer. who knows how long. but i guess that's where the test and the faith come in. she told me she has learned to be oh so much less judgemental because of her beliefs and more compassionate because of the grace that God has shown her. the reality of God being a God of the righteous and unrighteous has rang true in her ears, and she now not only KNOWS but actually BELIEVES that God loves each and every one of us the same. we are ALL sinners and ALL have fallen short of the glory of God regardless of whether we live a life TRYING to do all that God has commanded us or whether we have blatantly walked away from everything God has to offer. He still loves us the same. now that, my dear friends, is an amazing truth to behold. she told me she is so forever grateful for the truths being revealed to her heart and not just her mind. it feels like God's Word is actually taking root in her life. how silly to think that it could just happen overnight because she had been exposed to a trial. so what it comes down to is this. she so yearns to be home (as does daddy want her there) and she wants nothing more than to have her family all in one place...but she once again has laid it all down and said, "Thy will be done." God is a mighty God and whatever plan He has for ALL our lives through this, well then we want to be servants and to trust that all He has to accomplish will be completed in His timing...not ours. i am off to take yet another nap. enjoy today. although i've never felt the sun...much less really seen it...i hear it is a wonderful day to be out. love you all.....Big wren

Thursday, October 16, 2003 11:22 PM CDT

well...1 step forward and 2 steps back? i think that has become my game plan. i am once again on c-pap. pressure of 6 and at about 70 percent oxygen. i guess no one really knows why. the dr. said my lung xray looks good, but i'm just not myself. it could be another cold creeping up on me. other than the normal day to day events, there is not much going on. mommy has emma this week and next, so she doesn't get up here much. when she does, my room usually becomes a tornado ground with things flying everywhere. i can't wait until i am big enough to get into mischeif with my sister :) emma got sick this week and mommy said she wasn't feeling too good. so then i decided to pull this and i guess daddy called tonight and said he was a bit ill. it is very ironic and funny that we could all get sick considering how little we see of each other! but i guess you share the love. well...i hope everyone has a good rest tonight. kiss your family and be thankful :) love you all. Big wren

Wednesday, October 15, 2003 5:35 PM CDT

just to let you all know....7 lbs. 4 1/2 oz.! big boy. i have some new pictures (this time no gross ones) and i will hopefully put them on later. love you all. wren michael

Tuesday, October 14, 2003 10:32 PM CDT

okay...well, first and formost i need to apologize for the rude ostomy picture. it was kind of an accident that it got on there and mommy tried to fix it as quick as possible. so if any of you out there got weak stomachs or if you had young eyes...i'm sorry. you gotta talk to my mother. (she said i can use that excuse anytime growing up). secondly, thank you for all of the kind words and remembered prayers this weekend. i was a little out of commission because i have been under my oxygen hood since sunday. yes, that's right, sunday. it gave me means to celebrate. i miss my friend luke. it's just not the same without him here. mommy said that everything about the weekend was amazing. her word for the trip was "wow". people, places, scriptures, teachings, family, friends, luke...everything. God was glorified and amongst His people. i guess i feel i don't have too much more to say. for those of you who saw the picture...you know to keep praying for my ostomy and what a prolapse looks like now. and for those of you who didn't...well, maybe consider yourselves shielded! i still think it's boyee and cool and mommy says that's okay...but not everyone thinks like me and dad. also continue to pray for my lungs. i am doing good under the hood...but i would really like to do good without anything! love you all. g'night. Big wren.

Saturday, October 11, 2003 10:05 PM CDT

I have had the pleasure of meeting oh so many of you today. Thank you. Here I am in Michigan sharing in one of the most amazing days of one's life. Luke's family made a way for me to come out here...and i will forever be grateful to you all. Luke looks beautiful. But like anyone who has gone home to be with Jesus...you can see his spirit is gone. precious baby boy. many of you have been asking how darren and jill are doing. they are grieving, but still continue to lean on the Lord for strength. on behalf of the jonker and herweyer families here on wren's page i thank you for your support and prayers. no on knows the day or the hour in which they will be called home. our only knowledge and hope is that we have been saved by grace. it is up to us now to make that decision on where we will spend eternitiy. God bless you all tonight.

(wren is doing better by the way. he is starting his trials on the oxygen hood again, and is weaned down on his c-pap. he is a bit awnry this weekend...maybe because mom is not there cuddling him? but he told me he understood. he sends his love along the way, and says to check out his new picture from this week!...God bless)

Thursday, October 9, 2003 7:37 PM CDT

"I am so very special
I have been from the start
Before they held me in their arms
My family held me in their hearts.
And like a single drop of rain
That on still waters fall
My life and love will ripples make
And touch the lives of all.
So read this precious story
As step by step I've grown
I am a blessing and a gift
As each page here has shown."
luke...i miss you. i know you are with the "Great Physician" as your papa so affectionately calls Him...but it still hurts and i still miss you. i am so proud of your mommy and daddy. and i know if you could have seen the love in their eyes as they quietly passed you to your Daddy, you would have smiled. you have touched so many of us down here, and know this little luke - God has been glorified in your life. better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere. i look forward to the day when you meet me at the pearly gates with your gracey in tow and give me the biggest boy hug welcoming me to the heavenly city. we will all be there in the blink of an eye. (don't worry, i won't feel sad if you run to your mommy and daddy first.) you are an amazing little boy...thank you for allowing God to use your life. thank you for the generational blessing of your parents and grandparents and sister. your family has touched my life like none other. i'll keep watch over them...or maybe they'll keep watch over me...until Jesus calls us home, too. may peace and grace and comfort be their's all the days of their lives. i love you, luke. rest easy tonight. it is your first night sleeping without any tubes.

Thursday, October 9, 2003 7:08 AM CDT

all day yesterday mommy AND daddy were kind of bopping in and out. i did, however, get mommy to sit down for about a half an hour so i could nurse. i am feeling a bit better. starting to come down once again on my oxygen levels and vent pressures. i am now at a peep of 7 and running between 50 and 55 percent oxygen. the i.d. team (infectious disease) came in again last night to re-do my urinalysis. as fun as caths are, i don't think i like it very much. basically what they are checking for, i believe, is microorganisms. when they got the results from my previous lab it said that i had "16,000" of these little microorganisms running around. all of them from different things. anyway, this led them to believe that i have another urinary tract infection...but then late lastnight, they took a second wonder and thought there might be a possibility of the lab being contaminated. so they put me on drop issolation. this means gloves, gowns, masks,...the works...and took another sample. they are also going to scan me for RSV. my cold is still here...somewhat...and they just want to make sure they get all their bases covered. lastnight i had the most wonderful pleasure of a group of people coming in to pray for me. if you read on luke's site at all, you'll already know that we crammed mommy, daddy, connie, rod, barb, darren, jill, and her father jerry into my room amongst my vent machine, mommy's recliner, my oxygen machine, my big boy crib, my bouncy chair, and all the tubes and wires. if you have ever been in my room, you'll know that that in itself was a miracle! but, the greater feeling was of complete comfort and gratitude. i cannot thank you enough barb, rod, connie, jerry and jill for taking the time to come in and pray for me. i fully believe that where two or three are gathered in His name, He is there. thank you, also, to my faithful readers and pray-ers for all of your prayers for me the last few days. please continue to pray for my buddy Luke. he is slowly coming around and mommy says that every time she is near the little guy she can just feel the Spirit of God moving. love you all and i, of course, will update more later. for now, it's nap time :) BIG WREN

Tuesday, October 7, 2003 8:31 PM CDT

all right all you prayer warriors. get on your knees tonight. this is not about me at all, but about my friend luke down the hall. as you are probably aware, he has been having a very rough time the past couple of days. it comes down to this...he needs a miracle. he needs prayer. and he needs them now. pray for the fluid retention in his body. pray that his oxygen needs go down. pray that his body will start to produce more urine. pray for his head, eyes, ears, heart, lungs, kidneys, intestines, and even down to his bones. you all have seen the reprocussions of what lasex can do to your bones by looking at me. this little boy is amazing, and God is definitely using him in mighty ways. i know my mom has been talking with his mom quite a bit, and the way it sounds to me is that he is an absolute miracle for the fact that he has made it this far. God, i praise you for what you have done in the lives of Darren and Jill and all the family that goes beyond. i praise You for your faithfullness, i worship You for all that You are, and because You have chosen me to be a part of Your kingdom. Lord, i know that not one sparrow goes unnoticed by you. i know that every blade of grass and every flower in the field was hand crafted. You are mighty to serve, and God i bow before you and serve no other God but you. i am humbled by your very name, and i thank you for sending Jill and her family into my life. i thank you for watching over me, even when i'm not sure what i need. thank you for knowing me, helping me, and keeping me through this very storm. i pray healing for luke right now. Lord, we've seen your hand of power, and we know that You alone are God. You alone know Luke and every detail that needs to be seen. You said if we ask, we would receive. tonight we ask that your will be done. let our hearts seek you and our desires be Your desires. Father, we know that You are a God of miracles, and a God of healing. Bring your healing touch to every part of Luke tonight. we lift him up before Your very throne and place him at Your feet. what better place is there to be? for neither heighth, nor depth, nor breadth could keep us from Your love. lavish you grace upon this family tonight. bring your peace and comfort to Jill and Darren and Jerry and Jan. God, hold the precious hand of little Lauren. wrap them all in Your arms, and engulf them with Your presence. I believe You for a miracle. I believe You for Who you are and for what You have done for us. You gave Your life for such a time as this. for this very purpose and situation. For this family. Thank you Lord for all You've done. and praise be to Your holy name. amen.

Tuesday, October 7, 2003 9:17 AM CDT

wow. mommy must have been delerious yesterday when she wrote. i'm feeling better this morning and i just heard about it. i told her she's gotta "ACCentuate the positive and ELIMinate the negative". so she told me that today instead of telling everyone how "sad" she was yesterday, that i could tell everyone what an awesome time she had with two of the other moms up here. they went for a long long long walk and then went out for dinner. yes, i tried to tell her that the two cancel eachother out, but she said i would like what she ate. :) oh, and i think she and God had a good talk in the pumping room too.
me? i'm feeling a little bit better. i have a cold. only my colds aren't just colds. whenever my throat gets swollen or clogged it acts has somewhat of a reversal effect on my trachea malacia. the constriction at the top causes the floppy part at the bottom to somewhat collapse. but late lastnight they FINALLY fit a size 5 nose cath down my left nostril. the first run brought the thickest phlegm and actually clogged up the cath. the second run with a six produced A TON of yellow secretions and the third with just the naxal suctioner brought another heap of gunk. after they got that out, they let me rest for a while. i was so pooped from that that i don't know if they ever got down my right side or not. i know they couldn't at the beginning of the night because it was too plugged. everyone keeps asking me, "where did you get that cold from?" i don't know. case in point - i get sick VERY easily. mommy told me it was a funny thought before...now she's serious. i am going to be quarenteed off this winter to EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. :) next summer will be a bit easier.
anyway...i am looking forward to wednesday. i hear there are a few women who are going to come in and pray for luke and i. (in seperate rooms - of course). praise God there are people out there who reach out. praise God for all of you. i hope you all have a great day, and i will update you more later. (i am still on a pressure of 9 and running about 50 percent oxygen.) love BIG wren. oh yeah...and i'm 17 1/2 inches long now!

Monday, October 6, 2003 4:13 PM CDT

A middle of the day entry. This is a new experience! Just wanted to let you all know that Wren is having quite the tough day today. A bit in a panic. He is up to a pressure of 9 on his c-pap and is still upwards of 60-70 percent oxygen. They did get a second xray lastnight, and thankfully his lungs still look good. So, by process of ilimination we will hopefully figure out what is wrong. He's acting a little like puff the magic dragon today and gave us quite the scare at lunch. R.T. came and gave him a Racimic Epanephrine "dose". I guess you can't really call it a dose. Basically it is a lot like nebulizing them. They were going to do Albuterol, but his heart rate was already above 200 so...well, that was out of the question. While they were doing the treatment they also bumped him up to 9 for a peep pressure. He is better this afternoon, although he is still puffin' pretty hard. We're not sure if it was the treatment or the increase in his pressure that helped. Either way, he is doing better. They also ran a CBC, CRP, Electrolytes, Nasal Secretion Culture, and a Urinalysis this morning. Most things in the CBC came back normal. His Crit level is 32. More on the low side, but still okay. And his platelets came back a little high. I think it was 545. Anything above 350 is a little high for him. I guess all this means to us is he might have a viral infection. Although, his CRP (C-Reactive Protein) test came back at .350. Anything between .2 and .8 is considered somewhat "normal", but if it is above .5 it is a good clue to an infection. So basically what I am getting at is...we don't know why Wren is having a hard weekend. Assumably it is viral, but if we ever do find "the answer", i'll let you know!
Pastor Paul spoke on trust this weekend. I promise I am not going to preach at you because for 1. he did a great job and I don't believe I need to say anymore, and 2. I feel like I've been 'preaching' for 5 1/2 months now! But I do want to tell you some things I've been feeling. Why? Well, because you are all good listeners and it is very theraputic for me to get it out! Oh, wait, the library is closing in 7 minutes...so i'll write more later :) Pray for Wren and Luke and his family...thank you.
Thank you for your patience. Sorry...it has been a LONG day. Wren is still struggling tonight. I remember as a little girl whenever I felt sick my dad would look at me and say, "Your eyes look hazy." Well, Wren's eyes look hazy. In fact, they are down right watery. All day I have been watching my baby gasping for air. I think this is one of the hardest things to do as a parent. Breathing is such an important part of life, and if your child can't do it I'll be honest in saying it kind of sends you into a tizzy. I talked to him. I told him, "Bugga, if there was any way I could take this from you...I would." It hurts. As a parent, it rips your insides out to see your children hurt. And I guess that is how God feels about us too. When our hearts are broken, I know His breaks for us. But yet, He still gently reminds us that we can put our trust in Him. I try to explain things to Wren...knowing that he really doesn't understand yet. (Although the boy is EXTREMELY smart and has figured MANY things out. Maybe he doesn't understand...but he knows.) I told him, "Wren, all of these things that hurt you right now. All of your tubes and wires. Your ostomy. Your c-pap. Nurses poking and prodding. Everything...it may cause you tremendous pain and discomfort for the time being...but without it you can't grow. You would never get better. And without it, I wouldn't have the joy of seeing the man you will someday become. So for now my precious boy work through it. Persevere and stay strong. I know the fight is in you...and I know you can overcome, for He Who is in you has overcome the world." As I was saying before, the message on trust this weekend was wonderful. A lot of what I needed to hear. As I went through my very painful day today, I felt the heart of God breaking for me. And just as I would do anything to take the pain from my son, I know that the Father would do anything to take my pain from me. And He has. He has already paid the price so that I might live. And not only that...but so that I can cast all my cares upon Him. What a good God we serve. Thank you all for your prayers today. We are in need, and you are faithfully providing. Again...please keep Luke and his family in your prayers, also. I am having an amazing fellowship time with Jill (his mother). She is such an incredible woman of God and is very encouraging, wise, and uplifting. Love you all and have a good night. erin lee

Sunday, October 5, 2003 11:56 PM CDT

first of all, make sure you check out my new pictures :) and yes, you read it right...6 lbs. 11 oz. i am such a big boy. 3 more oz. and i'll be as big as my sister was when she was born! i am having an interesting day today. for some reason my body has told me that i need more oxygen. so instead of 30 percent, i've been sitting between 60 and 70 percent. dr. derleth thinks that i might be brewing something in my system so they are going to take a closer look at me tomorrow. i had an xray tonight, but i can never hold still for those silly things, so it didn't tell them much. they'll have to do another one later. well, i will write more tomorrow. i'm kind of sleepy and pooped out tonight. love you all very much. please continue to pray for my lungs and my ostomy. both are being pickles to me right now. thank you and God bless. BIG wren.

Friday, October 3, 2003 9:33 PM CDT

i am doing pretty well. i have a few issues going on...but nothing to worry about too much :) please continue to pray for the strength of my bones and my lungs. i love my oxygen tent, but still do not like the nasal canula. go figure :) please continue to pray for luke and anna. they are both kind of having rough days today. giving mommies and daddies a little more to think about. love you all and i'll give a more in depth update probably tomorrow! love big wren.

Thursday, October 2, 2003 8:01 AM CDT

i had a really good day yesterday! 5 hours in the oxygen hood. and i stayed at 30 percent oxygen the whole time :) i even got a little tummy time in. grandma is coming today so mommy can get the best of both worlds. she gets my sister here, and she gets to come see me. isn't that nice? they have now given me an NG (nasal) instead of an OG (oral). i don't really even notice the tube in my nose. this gives me the ability if i don't finish my bottle or nursing, then i can get the rest through the tube. good stuff? well, okay. i know i briefly mentioned it on my last entry, but i want to say it one more time. please pray for miss anna today. she is the baby with the brain tumor. her sodium is low, and the dr.'s said that if the level doesn't rise, they can't continue with the chemo. they have gone through amazing things over the past 6 months, and now that the tumor is shrinking, it would be hard to put it on hold. there is the possibility that if they stopped the chemo the tumor might start to grow again. pray pray pray. thank you...love you all...big wren.

Wednesday, October 1, 2003 2:19 PM CDT

as an added note...please be praying for little anna today. she and her mommy just got back in town, and from what she told me anna's sodium is low. if her levels don't go back up, they need to stop the chemo. they have come so far, and been through so much. the tumor, as you probably know, has shrunk and they are making progress...but if chemo has to be stopped, there is a chance that the tumor will start to grow again. pray pray pray. we love little anna to pieces. thank you.



i had some new pictures to put on here today...but when i got to the library (yes, even though i cannot go home, i can take all my tubes and such and run up to the library. sheesh, you guys get so literal on me!) there was no place to put the silly little plastic thing. no slots, no holes, no crevices...nothing. so here they are still sitting next to my ventilator while i type. but they are here...just waiting. :)
for the first time since i've been born, i sent mommy running from the room this morning. when she came back she told me she almost lost her cookies and apologized for not being a tougher mommy. i know i keep talking about my prolapsed ostomy, but until you see it...you really don't know what i mean! it keeps growing as i keep growing. anyway, this morning surgery came through to look at the narcosis. (the black part). well, as we were all sitting around glancing at it, we noticed my ostomy bag was full of blood. hmmm..not normal. so the surgery man said we needed to take to bag off to get a better look. when he did, even i could almost see it. there was blood everywhere and clots all over my stomas. that's when mommy went running. yeah, right when i needed her because everyone else was beating up on me. she returned about 45 minutes later when she was sure everone was gone. as it turns out a couple of blood vessels just broke. this is not so serious. not pretty...but not life threatening. i guess it happens to ostomies because they have such a good blood supply and are unprotected. easy to scratch or bump or whatever. they bleed like nobody's business! cool...i'm such a boy. other than that i am having a good day. i was awake from 9:00 this morning until 12:45. boy did i poop out when i finally fell asleep. in fact, to be perfectly honest with you...i am writing this in my sleep. pretty talented, huh?
mommy was reading to me this morning and she found some very wonderful verses. very hopeful...very inspiring.
John 9:2-3
"Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."
this, of course, was the recorded response of Jesus to his disciples when they asked why the man was born blind. as mommy read this, i got to thinking...
so often (as you all know) we ask why. why us? why now? why this situation? we crave to know all the answers and will it to be justified that we see the whole picture because we have to endure the suffering. i looked at mommy, she of course was oblivious to my staring and kept right on reading. i said to her in my little voice..."mommy, instead of you pushing the why, why don't you change your question to "For what purpose." then instead of concentrating so hard on the physical reasons...you could be thinking about the spiritual ramifications. now, as a boy, i know she thinks a lot. a lot a lot. but i do still need to remind her every now and then how much better it is when we rest. concentrate on the future. on what God can do through this, and on how God has already worked so mightily in our lives. i can't change the past. i tried. the minute they took me out, i changed my mind and said i wanted to go back in...i even screamed at the doctors. but they just sadly shook their heads at me and said..."little buddy, you are already here. once you've been born, you can never go back in." ouch. boy was that a clencher. but anyway, as i was saying. i cannot change what has happened. neither my attitude nor my actions can bring me back. so now that i'm here, what am i gonna do? what are mommy and daddy gonna do? what are you gonna do with what God has taught you? "But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that he will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! I will see him for myself. Yes, I will see him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!~ Job 19:25-27 i am choosing to look beyond this life and embrace my Redeemer. He can take the pieces of my life and make them into something beautiful...no matter what!
"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last foever. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
out of this, i have learned to YEARN for heaven. something that i think maybe not so many people do now days. we are so comfortable in our lives right now; so sure of where we are headed, that to disrupt this life seems unfair and even a little scary at times. oh, but to treasure the promise of heaven and the promise of all it holds. i know i have two other siblings waiting for me up there. just waiting for the day when we can all run together and play. waiting for the day when we can explore the streets of gold. and waiting for the day when we can walk hand in hand with our precious Jesus. no more suffering. no more tears. no more good-byes. and this sounds scary because.......?????????
well, anyway, oh....and no more doctors. i love them really. i just don't ever want to see one again. so, here is my heart. here is my yearning. and here is my peace. Jesus Christ.
have a great day ya'all (as my great aunt sharron would say). pray for my ostomy and my lungs. and please remember to pray for my friends, too. luke, kayden, anna, alex, lloyd, well, my list is long. pray your heart out :) love lil' big wren.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 10:05 PM CDT

hello everyone. well i promised an update today and even though it is a little late at night, i am trying to stay true to my words. i have had an awesome couple of days! yesterday, i tried a nasal canula for a while (8 hours) and actually tolerated it. well, kind of tolerated it. i needed about 80-90 percent oxygen. but i enjoyed it while it lasted. the doctors and nurses decided this morning that it really wasn't benefiting me to have me on such high oxygen and dry air. so, no canula today. instead, they tried me on what they call an oxygen hood or tent. i like tent better. it sounds more boyee. anyway, this is where they take the prongs out of my nose and put this big plastic box over my head and half of my body and i get to breathe this sort of spa air. oxygen and humidity. i loved it. 3 hours i sat in there and slept. i saturated at about 30 percent the whole time. who knew? this means i don't really need the pressure blowing in my nose. good thing. i also nursed really well tonight, and didn't have to be tube fed once today. bottles all day long :) loved it. oh, and i am now 6 pounds. (a little over). i think i keep forgetting to mention that. so, i guess all and all i am doing very well. please keep praying! for all of us up here. me and my buddies. we're getting close, i can feel it :) love you all and God bless...big wren

Monday, September 29, 2003 8:58 PM CDT

just as a note of sincerity. i don't know if you remember me talking about nikos from the ronald mcdonald house...after 9 long years of battling cancer he passed away yesterday morning at 9:00 a.m. i talked with his father tonight as his eyes filled with tears. and what he said to me was this.
"9 long years its been. it is hardest thing to watch your son die. son die and then parents die...no, it should not be like this...very hard."
i met nikos only a few times. he was 14 and hung on for much longer than any of the dr.'s expected. please keep nick and nikos in your prayers tonight. the service is going to be tomorrow at 3:00 at the greek orthodox church. then i believe they are flying back to greece this weekend. my heart is broken for this man. i know his nikos was everything to him. God bless you tonight and your family. i will give an update on wren tomorrow. love erin lee

p.s. also, please pray for little luke. he is retaining some fluid in his little body and we all know that those little babies just don't need that extra fluid! lots of littles. he really is a miracle baby. those boys and their lungs! i tell ya.

Sunday, September 28, 2003 11:39 PM CDT

There was a man named Job who lived in the land of Uz. He was blameless, a man of complete integrity. He feared God and stayed away from evil. He had seven sens and three daughters. He owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred teams of oxen, and five hundred female donkeys, and he employed many servants. He was, in fact, the richest person in that entire area.
Every year when Job's sons had birthdays, they invited their brothers and sisters to join them for a celebration. On these occasions they would get together to eat and drink. When these celebrations ended - and sometimes they lasted seveal days - Job would purify his children. He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, "Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts." this was Job's regular practice.
One day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan the Accuser came with them. "Where have you come from?" the Lord asked Satan.
And Satan answered the Lord, "I have been going back and forth across the earth, watching everything that's going on."
Then the Lord asked Satan, "Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth - a man of complete integrity. He fears God and will have nothing to do with evil."
Satan replied to the Lord, "Yes, Job fears God, but not without good reason! You have always protected him and his home and his property from harm. You have made him prosperous in everything he does. Look how rich he is! But take away everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face!"
"All right, you may test him," the Lord said to Satan. "Do whatever you want with everything he possesses, but don't harm him physically." So Satan left the Lord's presence.
Job 1:1-12
Nancy Guthrie has many words of wisdom written in her book, "Holding on to Hope". Most of it revolves around the story of Job and the trials he endured, but most of all how he handled them. You know, there is one thing to be said about faith. It really does keep us from being swallowed by despair, but it doesn't make the loss or the pain hurt any less. Faith gives us the freedom of knowledge in knowing and trusting that God really does have the whole world in His hands. And I guess it is within that freedom that we are allowed to feel the pain. To experience the hurt, and deepen our hearts ability to feel and to embrace.
She made a wonderful analogy. "When our skin is pricked by a thorn, what comes out is what's inside: blood. When our lives are pricked by difficulty, what comes out is what's inside. For some of us, it is selfishness, pride, bitterness, and anger that come seeping out. For others, it is the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self - control (Galations 5:22-23)."
As we continue on this incredible journey I often find myself bartering with God. It's kind of like you reach a point in life where you say..."okay, God, if this is the way You'll have it then so be it. I'll endure this, and I'll capture everything you have to teach me through it...but then that's it. That's all. Nothing more can happen. You leave the rest of my family and the rest of what I have going on in life alone. I've taken my turn. I've been through the fire, and from here on out, I expect a bed of roses and pretty much a free ride through the rest of my years." So as these thoughts have periodically gone through my head...so has one more. One much more intimidating, and one that has more power than all my little thoughts and that is this. The testing of faith produces endurance. And when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. (James 1:2-4). Yeah, that's the one. That's the clencher. And you know, without anyone else knowing these thoughts that have crossed my mind, my mom asked me just 3 days ago, "Erin, do you suppose God is conditioning you for something more?" AGHHH! (or at least that's what I feel at times.) seriously, there are days when i think, 'if i think this is hard...what could God possibly be getting me ready for?'" But you know the good part of that is this. I now know in my heart the ability that I carry as a daughter of Christ to choose to live within His protection. The decision to use troubles as an oppotunity for joy. The freedom to hold fast to the promises of God instead of the failures of this world. And the power to overcome anything that is set before me by the name of Jesus. Not in the way that i see fit, but in the way that Glorifies God. When i was a child i thought like a child and acted like a child. to put it to reality. if this would have happened to me even 1 year ago...i don't know that i could have handled it. at least not in a Godly way. He knows.
As i was eating lunch the other day, i got to thinkin'. It has only been through the loss of a dream that i have found the meaning of hope. Because of pain and affliction, i have found out how deeply i can love. Because of trials and heartache, we have experienced how much we are loved. It has been in the darkest hour that i have seen the brightest light and on the longest road that i have found the most meaningful journey.
there is a man who teaches conferences around the nation. at the different sessions, he starts them out like this. take a piece of paper and fold it in half. on upper half i want you to write out all the bad things that have happened to you. all the things that you can think of that have caused pain in your life. now on the other half write down all the good things. every wonderful, fulfilling, experience or gift. i'll bet that everyone of you comes to a point on the paper where the good and the bad overlap. through these trials that we are all faced with, we come out with the most amazing gifts and treasures. whether they be spiritual, physical, or emotional. this is the depth of living. this is what causes your heart to go deeper. this is what brings purpose to our Christ driven lives. Isn't that what it is really all about?
"Have your way Lord Jesus in my life. Take away those things that keep me from you. I desire to be your servant, more than anything. To be changed by the mere reflection of your glory. I long to be transformed by the very image of Your likeness. To see You in Your majesty; the beauty of Your Holiness Oh, Lord. More than anything I need to be changed."
May God grip your heart tonight and take you one level deeper. All grace be yours...unto the Father. erin lee

Friday, September 26, 2003 3:47 PM CDT

so, i suppose you are all waiting for an update. i have a new picture to put on, but mommy keeps forgetting it over here at the hospital. i am doing well. i had an eye exam yesterday and all went well. the eye dr. is still very pleased with how my eyes look, but they are still not yet fully developed. all in good time. my trials on 3 are getting longer, and i'm still tolerating them. and they are increasing my feeds to every 3 hours instead of every two. i'm not sure how much i eat though. and speaking of eating...mommy has been humbled yet again this week. she told me she vowed she would never give me the bottle...and guess what? she's very heart-broken about it, but has come to a compromise thanks to one of the lactation consultants. i get very pooped out trying to nurse, and i hate being tubed so here is what we do. for the first 15 minutes to 1/2 hour she nurses me and i do as well as i can. then she gives me the remainder of the feeding in a bottle...which i do superbly at. she still pumps, and i still get her milk...just from another source. she told me the good part of that is that it will get me out of here faster. and we all know we want to go home. so, without much more to report right now, i just ask for prayer that i continue to stay stable and healthy. they have me on somewhat of a prophylactic amoxicillin. i scare them enough when i get a sniffle so they decided it's not such a bad thing. very low dose. anyway, i will write some more later. love you all...big wren

Tuesday, September 23, 2003 10:16 PM CDT

well here is kind of an interesting wierd thing. mommy says it kind of looks "gross" but i can't see it, so i'll just call it cool. this morning mommy and mitch (my nurse) were changing my ostomy bag, and everything looked "good". (minus the fact that i've prolapsed a lot). mommy says it's a good thing i'm a boy because it definitely wouldn't be cool to be a girl and have your intestines hanging half way out your body! anyway...besides the point. at the tip of the "working" intestine (one end is from the top where the waste comes out and the other end is going into the bottom where...well it doesn't do anything right now) has turned black. kind of like when you get frost bite and your fingers die. nice analogy, huh? anyway they have this really cool dr.'s name for it but i can't remember what it is. basically what will happen is the tip will fall off. it is due to either a small vein or blood vessel being kinked off. we have to keep our eye on it though to make sure that the ostomy still works. if it stops working...well then we're in a poop of trouble. no pun intended. so another prayer request. other than that i did GREAT on a 3 peep. i actually went down on my oxygen for a while. (as long as mommy is holding me.)
mommy said she met a new friend up in the 'ward'. her name is jill and she has a little boy too! his name is luke. and he also has a caring bridge website. you should check out his story. he is not a little preemie like me...but wow he's got a testimony! she is a wonderful lady from what i hear and loves Jesus very very much...oh, and she speaks english and is staying at the ronald mcdonald house. now mommy has someone to talk to that can understand her! yeah, i know. like she needs more people to blab to. i have to remind her that she is up at the hospital to tend to my needs, not to talk talk talk talk. i get her to listen every once in a while :) anyway, i added his web address to the bottom of the page. not intending to bump anyone off, but they only allow me 3 links, and i'm cycling people through so awareness is raised and prayers are lifted up! love you all and have a good night. big wren.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003 2:26 PM CDT

oh, technology. so mommy had a great idea lastnight and whether it was that that worked or just the fact that i'm a tough boy - i don't know. i guess there has been a study done that shows a dose of sugar water before any treatment (i.e. shots) is supposed to illeviate some of the pain. so i sucked on a sugar drenched q-tip just before my shots and i hardly flinched at all when they poked me. i got more upset when they had to stick the o.g. tube back down my throat! that along with the tylenol, and it hasn't been so bad. during rounds this morning they talked about a few different things with me. since i am such a big boy, they told mommy that they really aren't going to play the conventional game with me (of course they said nothing about me has been conventional so far :) i guess she got the okay to nurse me whenever she felt i would like to nurse. instead of going up by increments on my feeds, if i am awake and rooting she can nurse. as long as i don't get too pooped out or stressed. she's a pretty good judge on how much i can handle, though. the other big news is that i am going to start "trials" on my c-pap. normally they would take you off of c-pap for short periods of time to see how it goes, with me they will put me down to a peep of 3 for 2 hours every 8 hours. does that make sense? and from what i hear, one of the dr.'s actually said the "h" word this morning. (home). not that we're looking for it real soon...but cool...it came out of his mouth! so, with that in mind pray for my health, protection, development, and sanity :) j/k. i'm pretty sane. lots of love from me and mom over here. lil' big wren.

Monday, September 22, 2003 10:00 PM CDT

so how does that saying go? "never look a gift horse in the mouth." i had a wonderful day today. i napped with mommy, i got to nurse twice...and had fun both times looking around more than paying attention to the task at hand. mommy and i played a little bit and told stories. and then we talked. as i was falling asleep tonight, i had this pending notion that it was not going to be a very fun night. or at least a fun hour. mommy told me that i was going to get pinched, but that it will help me in the long run. i guess i'm getting my second round of what they call vacines. the list is simple (ha!) 4 shots...two in each thigh. hepatitis B, pneumococcal conjugate, heamophilus influenzae type b (Hib for short), polio, and the dtp (diphtheria, tetanus and pertussis - or whooping cough). most of you mommies and daddies know the list well, i'm sure. me? i'm not so happy about this. but i guess if it has to be done. pray for me tonight that i don't have an icky reaction to these. pray that i'll feel better in the morning, and that they will all do what they are supposed to do! thanks. love you...big wren

Monday, September 22, 2003 4:22 PM CDT

i am still at a peep of 4 on my vent, and i am still doing great. keep those prayers a comin'. o.t. (occupational therapy) was going to do an evaluation on me today, but mom shoed them away because i was sleeping. so maybe tomorrow. they just want to check on my development to make sure i am maturing mentally. i tried to tell them that i write everyday on my webpage, but they said that doesn't count :) so i'll let you know what they think tomorrow. eating well, and sleeping more. other than that...i'm hanging out. mommy and i took a nap together today. that was oh so nice. she tried to crawl into my crib with me, but didn't fit...so we slept in the chair instead. love to everyone. big wren

Sunday, September 21, 2003 11:43 PM CDT

goin' on down. i'm on a c-pap of 4. AHHHHH. (says mom and dad). they say most people hold their breath when things aren't going as they should. mommy and daddy hold their breath when i'm flying. but i am doing really well. i am holding my sats just fine...and i am a completely different baby! very relaxed. sleeping well. enjoying the people who are taking care of me and touching me, and i'm not so high strung. i can still hit with the best of them, but i don't do it as often. :) i am tolerating my feeds and am trying to grow like a weed. another short update, but i will write more tomorrow! :) love lil' wren.

Sunday, September 21, 2003 6:58 AM CDT

c-pap peep of 5. uh-huh. and...AND...they've switched my feedings from 19 cc's every 3 hours and then 1 hour rest to 33 cc's for 2 hours and then 2 hours rest. and i am tolerating it just fine! many of you have asked mommy and daddy if there are any speculations as to when i can come home yet. oh, home! anyway...not yet. there are certainly a couple of big things that have to be in order first. my breathing is number one. the dr.'s will let me come home on oxygen...so that is good. but we have to make sure that my airway is going to behave. the other big thing is my feeds. because of my shortened intestinal track (ostomy) what will happen a lot of times is that the body won't tolerate what they call a bollous feed. which just basically means that i have to be fed slowly so my body has time to digest everything instead of just "dumping" it. the surgeons would like to wait until at least november before they put me back together (reinostimosis). but if i can't tolerate the feeds, then it might force their hand to do it sooner. mommy and daddy would very much like to take their time with this one. if i am put together too soon...it might mean more intestinal problems. and mommy and daddy really don't want another blockage! plus, in order to do that they would have to re-intubate me for surgery which would start me all over again on the breathing stuff...not really what they want to do either. so until we figure all this out, i get to spend this lovely time with my nurses and dr.'s here at the hospital. i know this was kind of a short update, but i just wanted to quickly let you all know that i am doing great. prayer works. thank you. big wren

Thursday, September 18, 2003 4:15 PM CDT

latest and greatest. i am now on a c-pap peep of 7. yeah, that's right. 7. mommy and daddy's eyes keep getting bigger and bigger each time they call and the the dr.'s say they've lowered me yet another number. this is good...but very nerve racking. but, my sats have remained stable. i am running between 30-35 percent oxygen. respirations are around 50 or 60 when i'm resting...and when i'm mad, well, i guess not much counts then 'cuz i'm off the charts. :) i hear all of my family is in town tonight. mommy is going to feed me around 6 and daddy and em are going to hang out for a while. mommy said she ran into her old piano professor today during lunch. she says she just loves dr. britton and if i was old enough to take piano right now...well, we can dream, can't we? hind sight. it's an amazing wisdom tool. anyway, God bless you all. main prayer requests right now are my airway...stability, of course. feeds, and lungs. (some things are consistent in my life :) big biscuit.
oh, and of course you have to check out the new photos...after much convincing from all of you i thought i better put some more on! the thing sticking out of my mouth is a lemon swab. at the time of the pictures i had already been sucking on it and hour and a half! yeah, it was kind of dry at the end...but i still love to suck. love you.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 11:22 PM CDT

i really am such a big boy now! 5 lbs. 9 oz. from what i hear. but short. 16 inches. dr. johnson says that is common in little ones with ostomies. the body is working so hard at using the nutrition to make my bones strong, that it doesn't bother making them grow for now. but, big boys get to do big boy things. tonight i am sitting in my big boy bouncy chair again. looking at my lights and bubbles. oh, the joy. it is quite the ordeal getting me in here, but now that i'm in...i kinda like it! lots to see and do. i did really good nursing today. i was not so mad at mommy. she came at 5 instead of 9. when she has to wake me up to feed me, boy do i get mad...and i let her know too. so we just cuddled for a while, then i figured out there was something better to do! anyway, the rest of me is doing all right. i am now on a pressure of 9. they are going to take it real slow. try me out, but not push me. both mommy and daddy are okay with that if it means i can avoid a tracheostomy. a boy can only have so many ostomies at once! well, keep those prayers coming for stability and for my airway. we're getting closer...i can feel it :) love BIG biscuit. (you're right ron, i am big now)!

Monday, September 15, 2003 7:22 PM CDT

you know, i'm assuming mommy has more pictures of me because whenever she is up here all i see are bright flashing lights. i think she told me that she has to wait until she gets home because she forgot the hook up to get the pictures from the camera to the computer! just like mommy. anyway, i am having a pretty good day. i started out with a bang...well, actually an eye exam. please, someone, call those people and tell them to stop sticking things on my head and in my eyes. i don't like it one bit! other than that i am doing just about the same. mommy said she talked to one of the nurses today and word has it that there is another nurse up there who's son has trachea malasia (i really don't know how to spell that one.) and he is at home doing just fine without a trach. it can last as little as a couple weeks up to like 18 months i think. so, needless to say i have no idea where i stand. one day at a time. oh, and my eyes are doing fine. i'm still at a stage 2 zone 2...which i'm sure means nothing to most of you out there...but it means that i have not changed and am doing fine. they'll keep checking them until my eyes are considered "term". which just means that all the blood vessels are not currently attatched. soon enough though.
yes. i am still the youngest baby to have survived over here. (i think you could safely say in minnesota but i have not called fairview to check and see what their youngest was.) for now i hold the record, and mommy says she does not want to break it...ever. (personally anyway). they are very careful when speaking to parents about their babies under 23 weeks gestation. obviously the parents do have a say in what happens, but for the most part a d.n.r. is humane to a fetus who is that young. (do not resusitate). viability wise we tend to be little stinkers and, obviously, can run into a few problems. i am an absolute miracle for the fact that i did not have any brain bleeds, eye problems (especially with all of my infections), or hernias. of course half of my intestines are hanging outside of my body so i don't know if there is much to herniate. (sorry that was a little graphic). but i think instead i'm just tending to prolapse over herniating. nevermind. daddy always tells me that i talk like a dr. i don't mean to. it's all i know. well, i'm off to rest for a while. mommy is coming back up tonight to nurse. yay, yay, yay. love you all and i'll talk more tomorrow. lil' biscuit.

Sunday, September 14, 2003 11:15 PM CDT

wow...sorry it has been a longer weekend than anticipated. well, actually the weekend stayed the same, but from what i hear mommy is still tearing apart the house, thus preventing her from checking her computer! so, here is the scoop.
on thursday mommy, daddy and emma met with dr. colby and the resident, erin. they talked pro's and con's of trach verses no trach. (for some reason they left me out of the conversation...) anyway, it went something like this. if i got a trach, they would most likely be able to take me home sooner. it would enable me to work on my feedings and oral stimulation...along with some important developmental milestones. unfortunately, it would mean a longer term care at home. (with the help of home health care nursing.) and, of course, once you introduce something foreign into the inside of your body - you set yourself up for infections. and me? well, i just can't handle infections very well. it doesn't take a genius to figure out that my immune system is quite low.
now if they were to not trach me, but instead gradually wean me down on my c-pap (you know, the prongs that go in my nose) then i would be here in rochester longer, but it would mean less work once they did get me home. also, there are no promises that it would work. and, in fact, with the trouble they had intubating me the last two times it actually made mommy and daddy nervous to think about the challenge of finding an open airway should i need to be re-intubated.
mommy asked, and no, there is no choice c. (she says she no longer prefers multiple choice, but now is a true advocate for fill in the blank.)
with that in mind, they asked the dr.'s if they could take a night to pray about it and then decide. of course the answer was yes. so, they did. by the time they woke up...well, they still weren't 100 percent positive. daddy had to go back to work, and mommy had to face the dr.'s. while getting ready in the morning she prayed and prayed and admitted that listening was not a strong suit of hers right now...so pleading with God to just make the decision she left it at that and headed up to the hospital.
once she was there she met again with dr. colby and told him that they had decided that a trach was the best way to secure my airway and that they were prepared for all that was involved with it. k- this is where it gets God funny. the dr. looked at her and said, "you know, it's funny you should say that. i also do believe that it is the best way to SECURE his airway. but, i went to bed lastnight thinking about wren, and woke up this morning thinking about wren, and then during rounds (that's what they call their dr.'s meetings in the mornings) me and my 3 partners (dr. derleth, dr. johnson, and dr. asey) got together and discussed wren. we think that he didn't have a fair chance the last time he was extubated. he ended up coming down with a cold, and a uti. (urinary track infection) along with that there were fevers and i.v.'s, oh and not to mention a broken arm and leg. so, to be fair to wren...we want to give him another chance." he is covered by Zosin (an antibiotic) and his cold seems to have gone away. so saturday around 1:00 p.m. they extubated him again and are giving him another chance. i think this is definately an answer to prayer. when mommy called daddy to tell him what had been said, he replied by saying, "funny you should say that because i was going to call you and tell you that i think he needs another trial." so there you have it.
all weekend i have been sitting anywhere between 25 and 35 percent for oxygen on a peep of 10. my feeds are back to 19 cc's per hour, oh, and i got to start nursing again tonight. i overheard mommy and dr. derleth talking today, and they were saying how firery i am. mommy once again reinforced the fact that i am not allowed to give her any more trouble in life, and dr. derleth said, "i think it was david copperfield who once said 'through the hottest fires comes the finest silver'." (mommy says don't quote her on that one. she gets the ideas right, but not always the words.) so, anyway...book of the week for mommy, you guessed it charles dickens "david copperfield". okay, maybe book of the year. anyway. thank you for your prayers over the weekend. don't stop now. me and my fire are just a gettin' burnin'. love you all and God bless...lil' biscuit.

Friday, September 12, 2003 9:14 AM CDT

pray for us today. we are making some big decisions regaurding wren's airway. we'll let you know when we come out...on top of course! :)

Thursday, September 11, 2003 9:45 AM CDT

i must say the highlight of my day is not being waited on hand and foot by my most beautiful nurses, nor is it all the medications i receive...but it is to have correspondence with every one of you. do you realize how fully me and mommy and daddy and emma are living in the Body of Christ? really, isn't this what it is supposed to be about? the wisdom that God gave each saint, according to their purpose, spilled out into encouragement and edification for those around them. (yes, i know i have some bigger words for a 4 month old...mommy reads to me). and when you combine the hundreds of people who have "visited" me via the web and their hundreds of different walks and journeys through life...each of these tid bits are culminating together to form an even more magnificent picture of who God is. never in a hundred years could i gather the wisdom of each and every one of you and learn it only by myself. i think so often it is easier to think of the body of Christ as those whom you sit by on Sunday morning. more of a physical aspect than spiritual. where is it in the Bible where God talks about the eyes and ears and parts of the body being nothing without the others? yeah, that's what i'm talking about! thank you for uplifting my family faithfully and continually. my goodness. i cannot believe the love that you all give...and you are still doing it! i know when we think it's a long haul and we are getting tired, i cannot imagine what all of you must be thinking! :) anyway, for this whole paragraph i just wrote, i really just wanted to say thank you.
nurse genelle is with me today, and she told me she is going to "rally the troops". you guys must be praying, because i have been doing amazing the past couple of days. my oxygen lastnight was down at 23 percent for a while. for the most part i sit in the high 20's and low 30's. but i gotta tell you...this tube down my throat is ticken me off! that's why genelle wants to push for extubation. i can't move my head - but boy i try. don't think i don't. i am tolerating my feeds pretty well, and everything else seems to be going okay. from what i hear mommy is "nesting" AGAIN at home...so that must mean i might be going home soon. maybe her intuition can read it better than any mind here in the hospital. daddy said she tore the whole living room apart yesterday and now the walls are painted pink. (he said don't worry - they won't stay that way.) i just don't ask. emma thought it to be a great time, and stuck her hands on the wet walls just to make sure they weren't dry. well, i will let you know how my day goes after rounds this morning...other than that have a wonderful God filled awesome day. lil' bisquit

Monday, September 8, 2003 11:08 PM CDT

I have added an update about wren at the end!

I've prayed for rain, and it has come. I've prayed for redemption and my heart and life have been redeemed. I've prayed for understanding, and a newness of God's unfailing love and promises has striken my heart. I've prayed for refinement, and the Lord has brought me safely through the fire. I've prayed for thankfullness, compassion, mercy, and gratitude, and the Lord has shown me the multitudes who suffer and succeed according to His word. I've prayed for a deeper more fulfilling life in Christ...He has heard my cry and He has answered. Just as He always has and always will. My heart breaks for everyone of you who has touched me today. Literally, today. You could never know the turmoil that struck me this weekend...until today. And for all of you who trusted and faithfully acted on God's leading you to encourage me...thank you. more than you could possibly know. If I could only share with you for a moment the shaking that occured in my life - once again - today. I woke up this morning praying that God would lift this spirit of depression and cynicism. Here is what He showed me. A little boy's mother whom I have never met emailed me telling me what a blessing Wren's webpage has been to her and her family. She ran across it somehow, and felt compelled to tell me how God has touched her through it. She, too, was here at the Ronald McDonald house with her son a while back. So, being the nosey person I am I asked her to share her story. After what must have taken her a half and hour to write, she told me of brain problems and infections and shunts and the like that have come upon her little boy. (Aaron, I know you are a big boy now.) That is an easy short version to say the least. But not only that, she has 3 other beautiful children, two of whom are also requiring care. Without breaching your trust, Kim, and sharing your life story, may I say that you have touched me today in a way I needed to be touched. May God honour your heart and devotion to Him as you continue on this incredible journey that I cannot imagine.
After I got done reading this story of triumph and trials, I went to the kitchen where a woman stood. I have passed her many times, but have never spoken with her. She told me of her son, who is now 11, who, when he was 5, had a sudden convulsion that sent him into acoma for 2 weeks. For 2 weeks this woman could not even step foot into his room because he would sense her there and try to wake up. The reason they did not want him to wake up? Both the puminary and venticular veins in his head were coiled. Normally these veins have a straight path that leads to the brain. With this coil...they all of a sudden ruptured causing I guess what would be comparable to an anurism. She got the call while she was at work that day saying her son had been taken to the hospital unconcious. When she arrived at the hospital the Dr.'s told her it didn't look good. The bleeding was in such a place that no one has ever survived it. Here he is 6 years later. They have gone through many many many scary moments since then with the bleeds coming and going. Recently they just removed a section of his brain that was connected to his short term memory. No longer will he have short term memory. Oh, the day after Christmas, this mother was rear ended stopped at an intersection by a car going 50 mph. she has had to have fusions done on both her upper and lower spine. (among other things.) Meanwhile, she has 3 other children at home ranging in ages from 7 to 20. (obviously younger at the time this all began.) Still, God has been faithful, and she has that look of hope and thankfullness in her eyes.
Someone shared with me tonight that an acquantance of hers called her the other day. This woman somehow found out about Wren's webpage and shared the miracle of what God has done for him with her friend who is in the hospital with cancer. This brought a sense of hope and encouragement.
There is a family whom I do not know personally, but my parents do. Today, the father, husband, and friend went to be with the Lord due to a car accident. My heart breaks for you, and my prayers go out to you. What an unexpected tragedy. A reckless car ran a stop sign, and that quickly this man was swept into the arms of Jesus. Makes you question your heart...would you be ready if that were you?
Another woman shared with me a dream she had of Wren. She said she could see him standing next to me with a sort of incandecent (sp.?) glow around us. He was pudgy and had locks of blonde hair around his face. Healthy...wonderful.
I have been soberly reminded today of what God has done for us. What he is doing for us. If I never thirst, how can God satisfy? If I'm never stretched, then when do I need to trust? If my strength has never been drained, then how can God renew it? If I'm never weak, then when have I allowed God to be my strength? If the storms never came, then when would I look to God to calm the waters? If I was never tested, then how would I know the depth of the promises of God? They are real. They are for me. God has a plan, and His plan is mighty to save. I am nearly knocked over by the man I married. To give back to him half of what he has given me often seems impossible. If you know him, you know what I am talking about. This man has a compassion unseen by many. He has a heart for the glory of God...not for his own. He would just as soon jump into the lion's den to save a child he never met than he would to save his own life. I trust him impeccably, and could not imagine another like him. He is my heart's desire and the one who has walked me through this fire with wisdom and countless words of truth and encouragement. My stable minded, God fearing, man of wisdom. My children. I am blessed to call them my children. For I have been chosen to be the mother of the two most amazing children I have ever known. My daughter is compassionate, loving, gentle, and tender-hearted. She strives to be understanding and willing. Can you imagine at 2 not knowing where you were going to be sleeping that night? Still, she trusts. She trusts me and she trusts that what I am doing is worth the confusion she must endure. She willingly goes where she is sent, and always returns to me with a hug and a smile. She clings to my side when I am near her, and laughs with me on the phone when I am away. My son...well, you all know what my son is doing. Still, when I stand over his bed at night, he looks at me with loving eyes that seem to long for the day when I can just take him in my arms and never put him down. Yet, he trusts. He trusts my touch is not going to harm him, and he trusts that even though it hurts now, the pain will bring him to completion. Kind of like our walk with Christ, yeah? Sometimes the pain is so great you wonder how you will bear it even for one more moment. But, that perfect completion of God's mighty hand in your life is worth every thorn in your side. It is. What an amazing priveledge to wake up and know that you can place your day in the hands of another. This morning, I was praying for something inparticular. Nothing major, just a simple request. Not even a half an hour later, my answer came. Wow! You mean I can just ask, and know that I will receive according to your Word? Wow! And not only that, but how exciting to know that not only will God answer your prayer, but he will do it perfectly. Maybe not the way we intend...but even better. Perfectly. Because He knows. He knows you. He knows what you need, and he knows it before you even need it. Before you have prayed for an answer, He knew you were going to ask. Wow! (did I already say that?). What an amazing journey to walk with God. And you know what? I am so glad He is a hedonistic God. I could serve none other. For all things work for the good for those who love Him. I love Him. God bless and goodnight. erin lee
p.s. - in an addition...i suppose you want to know how wren is doing :) he is hanging in there. still intubated with a peep of 8 going in. his rate is at 30 so that has come down, and his oxygen level is at about 26 percent. they took the i.v. out of his head because it was not working, and are actually changing the site of the one in his leg. his ankle and heal are getting red meaning there is the possibility of infection. they ran what they call a CRP test on him (C-Radioactive-Protein). his numbers came back a little high also indicating an infection. they ran a UTI lab lastnight trying to pinpoint where the infection might be and it came back as a positive culture. so, they will be growing the bacteria for another probably 24-48 hours. in the meantime, they have started him on Oxacillin and Gentomyacin. two very broad antibiotics. they also have restarted his feeds again (yesterday). they started him at 9 cc's which is a little less than half of what he was getting, but right off the bat they are adding in the HMF (Human Milk Fortifier). So he is coming down on his TPN's as they increase the feeds. which will be about 1 cc every 8 hours or every 2 feeds. ummm, no word yet on trach or no trach. they are giving him a couple more days to relax. oh, and they think he does have a cold. he has some yellow secretions coming from his nose...quite a clear indicator! the fracture in his right arm is not hindering him in the least bit. as much as you would think it would deter him from grabbing hold of those tubes and pulling...not so. he is just as determined as ever. they DC'd his versed (the sedative) and are decreasing the morphine in a round about way. they are lessening the dose, but giving it more often so gradually they will work him off of it. i think they are testing the waters to find out how tollerable he is. :) i think that's about all...let me know if i missed anything!

Monday, September 8, 2003 1:26 PM CDT

well, here is my update. i've had a very busy morning, and am still holding my own pretty well. first of all, they did another eye exam today and my eyes are still doing very well. the eye dr. is pleased and surprised for all that has happened to me. secondly, i got the results back from my xray yesterday. (i think i might have forgotten to mention that they were doing one.) my right arm is now fractured. it is a little above my wrist but below my elbow. (there is not that much room between the two!) they are going to have a special dr. come up and take a look at it, but probably will not do anything about it. (just like when i fractured my femur). daddy is pretty mad. that's what mommy said anyway. they will keep an eye on it and make sure it is healing okay. i am still intubated. dr. colby is on this week. he thinks what they'll do is leave me intubated until thursday or so, just in case i have a cold or something that is causing my downfall. but the endotrachial dr. (dr. thompson) will be getting involved after that, and i think they are going to start talking possible trach. pray for wisdom for all my dr.'s and gentleness for everyone who touches me. i would like to not have any more broken bones. they don't feel very good. well, i'm off to rest some more, but if anything good comes up, i'll be sure to let you know. love lil' bisquit

Monday, September 8, 2003 8:37 AM CDT

good morning to all. i don't have much to write yet because the dr.'s don't start their rounds until about 9 or 10 o'clock. but i did just want to say good morning :) have a great day, and i'll update you later on what's happening. lil' bisquit

Sunday, September 7, 2003 10:21 PM CDT

mommy really can't make up her mind tonight. first she tells me one thing, and then she tells me something else! all i want to say tonight is this. the victory lies in Jesus. without Him, we are nothing. with Him, we are everything. remember that. and for those of you out there who maybe don't know Him personally, my heart both breaks for you and i pray for you. for with Him by your side, all things are possible. if you are lost or hurting tonight. if you are feeling like you just hit the wall (trust me, i've been there) or even if you are feeling like you just don't know what to do, or where to turn...pray with me. "Lord, I come before you tonight. I know in my mind now what I've know for a long time...I am a sinner. I believe that what You have done for me on the cross that night on Calvary has cleansed me of my sin. You have cleansed me of my sin. So, tonight, I ask you...Father be my Savior. Take my sin and remove it as far as the east is from the west. replace in my heart your Holy Spirit. I ask you to be Lord of my life, Lord of my thoughts, and Lord of my heart. By the blood of Christ I am made whole, and by your stripes I am free. Thank you for dying for me. Thank you for saving me. And thank you for choosing me as Your very own. Amen."
i'm not attempting to be a preacher or a teacher tonight, but if you just prayed that prayer with me for the first time, i want to encourage you to call a pastor or someone that you know and trust who knows Jesus. (mommy and daddy said you could even call them...if you crazy enough!). it's important to find accountability and someone to encourage you and support you as you begin this amazing wonderful love relationship with the Lord. God bless you tonight.... lil' bisquit.

Saturday, September 6, 2003 10:26 PM CDT

wow. what a night and day it has been. mommy said that she went to a movie tonight called "seabisquit". she said to tell everyone if you have not yet seen it...you must. as she recaptured some of the movie for me (she called me tonight to tell me about it), i found myself feeling better by the minute.
one night, the old horse trainer was sitting on a log outside after he had rescued a horse from being shot. along came mr. williams (i think that was his name) to talk to this horse trainer (mr. smith). as he was looking over at the horse he asked, "will he ever race?". the old trainer replied, "no". "so, why would you save him?" came mr. william's question. in response the old man slowly turned to look at the horse and then turned back and said, "well, you don't throw away a life just because it's a little battered." so on and on the movie went. i'm not trying to give away the plot, but at one point the jockey "red" was in an accident and bound up in the hospital. he was describing to his friend how to run sea-bisquit, and what the strengths and weaknesses were of the horse. at the end of the conversation he said, "george, close the door."
"what?"
"i said close the door."
so george got up and shut the door. when he returned to the bedside, johnny leaned real close and said, "at the end of the race slow him up. let the horse behind catch up to him and stay there for a while. let sea bisquit get a good look at him. let him look into his eyes. once he sees the competition there, there is no way he will ever lose."
you could just see the passion and the fire from what mommy says. then mommy whispered very softly to me, "wren, i see the fire in your eyes. i know it's the heart to succeed that drives you...and no matter how broken and battered you feel at times, i know that the passion and flame you possess is what counts. that endurance to keep fighting. all you need to do is to look into the eyes of your Jesus and catch that fire to accomplish what He has set before you." there are so many hardships and trials in life. so many fires that are set before us to refine us and shape us. mommy said that she has been asked a few times,"why is it that some people have a "lesser" of a trial that they have gone through and in turn have become bitter, resentful, and hurt by God; and some people have "greater" trials that they have faced and the outcome has been a strengthening of their faith, their family, and their spirit?" as she ran this question by me, in all of my wisdom all i could say was this. we all know that God will never give us more than we can handle. so for all the trials and all the fires that each of us faces, they are in and of themselves an equal deal to those facing them. beauty is in the eye of the beholder...or in this case trials are in the hearts and minds of the person facing the tribulation. God meets each of us according to our needs, and as He has said, "My grace is sufficient for thee." it matters not the size of the problem or what it is...His grace covers it all. i guess it is just up to us if we are going to grab hold of that grace and use it, or pass it off and choose to wallow in our misery. so now, of course, she has affectionately nick-named me her little "sea-bisquit". bisquit for short. i am facing a few trials right now. i was so excited at the prospect of nursing two times a day, i darn near got myself re-intubated...oh wait, i did get re-intubated. lastnight. who knows how it all got started, but the end result was in me turning a not-so-nice color of grey. they got me out of my flagal spell, but i just could not recover. i tried. really i did. but it was very very hard. so early early this morning r.t. (respiratory therapy) came in and tried to intubate me. lo and behold, i was not going to give in that easy. (remember i can't nurse when i'm intubated.) finally dr. asey came in and got the tube in. nuts. i told him, "you better call my mom...man she is going to be so mad at me!" so he tried. he tried her cell phone, home phone (twice), ronald mcdonald phone...and what was she doing? sleeping. so this morning when she woke up...boy was she surprised. not in a good way really. but she called and told me she was glad that i was okay. i told her my head kind of hurt. she said "don't touch it". i have an i.v. back in my head and one in my arm. they are giving me morphine and versed alternatingly (is that a word?). my postassium was very high this morning, which concerned them. it can sometimes cause heart arithmias. so they were knocking on both doors on me. (uhhhmmm...giving me meds both orally and rectally). they got that kind of in balance. tonight, i was going the other way a little, so when they restart my feeds tomorrow they will add in a little oral suppliment. i am also getting some blood tonight. my crit level was at about 31. not terribly low, but they like to keep it above 30. surprisingly, my lung xray looked rather good today. it appears that my right upper lobe is starting to pop out a little. so, maybe in a round about way, this is a good thing to help jump start me. who knows? no, really, if you know anything about me and how to get me out of this wonderful hospital...please call mommy or daddy anytime night or day. they are listening. well, anyway...for now i'm kind of back where i started. but boy, did i sure enjoy nursing last week. now i know what i have to look forward to. i think on monday dr. thompson (my throat dr.) is going to get involved again. we'll see what happens. in the mean time...pray. mommy and daddy say they have never been on their knees so much in their entire lives as they have been in the past 4 1/2 months. i am so thankful for all of you. pray for strength and wisdom and assurance. love you all...lil'wren (bisquit).

Thursday, September 4, 2003 8:48 PM CDT

from what i hear, tomorrow i get to start nursing 2 times a day! i am so excited, but as i was looking at mommy tonight, she seemed a little sad. she told me she was very excited and that this is what it is going to take to get me home, plus, she likes spending the time with me; but, i guess she tried a trial tonight to see if emma would sit up at the hospital for an hour while she fed me. guess what the answer is?...so, mommy is sad that she has to find somewhere for emma to go now that she is feeding me. i think it tears her heart the most to have to "choose" between her kids right now. but i'm still happy for the nursing stuff. man, this is great. if i had known what i was missing, i would have been very cranky a long time ago...just so i could suck. i last about 5 minutes still, but tonight i did it twice in an hour and i kept my heart rate and respirations down. i was even high sating on my oxygen so i guess that means i'm getting used to it. i guess not much else is new but i'll keep you posted. mommy told me she has to bring emma home tomorrow after my morning feeding, then she'll be back on saturday. love you all and keep those prayers a comin'. lil' wren

Wednesday, September 3, 2003 8:35 AM CDT

always new and exciting things with me. mommy did come back yesterday, and i did get to nurse again. now this...this i can remember. i'm choosing to forget all the pokes and prods and surgeries, but latching on to something good...not a problem. i get so pooped out when i'm done. i try to tell mommy that i want to stay awake so we can talk and get to know each other, but my eyelids just won't stay open no matter how hard i try. mommy says that's okay. she just rocks me and sings to me and cuddles with me. i like this good touch. :)
now, about my "stuff". hmmmm, what to start with. okay, i know. i.d. (infectious disease) called yesterday to talk to the doctors and nurses about my "isolation contact". they suggested leaving me on isolation for the duration of my stay. the nurses call it an inconvenience...mommy calls it private room security! the only reason they suggested it was that there is always the possibility that the e-coli are hiding out in my ostomy. they are not treating it, mind you, because it is not affecting me, but it could have the potential of making other babies very sick if it gets passed on. they don't even know if that is where it might be, but better to be safe than sorry. as i grow and get bigger, my body will just naturally and eventually fight it off. my respirations are pretty good. i am still at a c-pap pressure of 8. when they do a lung xray, they usually like to see at 8 ribs or more before they start weaning down on the pressures. i'm at 8. (ribs). but they are in no hurry. the added pressure is helping my airway stay open, i'm sure. my upper right lung (lobe) is still collapsed. but i am coughing up a storm and loosening lots of gunk. mommy thinks that i have a cold. she told me i sound like a rumble truck. but, in spite of all that, i was still down to about 30 percent oxygen yesterday. this is good. my stoma (the base of my ostomy) is actually prolapsing right now (turning inside out). it is getting quite large, but i'm kind of between a rock and a hard place. dr. moyer (my surgeon) came up yesterday to peek at it, and he said that even if i were to go down to surgery to fix it, it would most likely prolapse again. so, he is not too worried about it. obviously, it would be nicer if it didn't do that, but i don't think it will give me too many problems. they'll fix it as soon as they do this really cool word that i can't remember...or reconnect them. oh, the reason they don't want to do surgery is because it would mean re-intubating me again, and they can't risk that irritating my trachea. that might mean a trach for me if they did. plus, each time you intubate a baby (like me) it seems harder and harder to get them extubated. so they have to weigh their options on what is more pending. :) my developmental specialist came up yesterday to do an evaluation on me, but i was so spit-fire mad i told her to come back another day. she listened. i would not have cooperated with her. i had a little girl ask me the other day who my doctor is...i know i've put this on here before but i'll do it again just for kicks. i have 4 neonatologist...dr. derleth, dr. johnson, dr. asey and dr. chris. dr. kleinberg is no longer with me due to retirement. so i just refer to the new dr. as dr. chris. he's young and just came from stanford. pretty cool guy from what i can tell. (i don't know all the names - just to let you know). i have a doctor for my eyes. one for my head. one for my kidneys. one for my intestines. radiologists for my bones. infectious disease for my...well infectios diseases. dieticians (ooh, spelling). dr. thompson for my airway and breathing. developmental specialists. lactation consultants. respiratory therapists. and, of course, all my beautiful nurses. now i don't know what you think, but being in one of the best hospitals in the world with some of the best dr.'s...i'm pretty grateful the i get to pay i mean play with each one of them. no, really, they are amazing people and mommy tells me all the time even if they had to spend the rest of their lives paying for me (which they won't) i am worth every penny...and there will be millions of them. an interesting fact. mommy heard that up there most babies that are there for a bit of an extended stay (say 24 weekers) go home being worth about a million and a half dollars. isn't that cool? daddy sometimes jokes that he is going to use me as equity on a loan. although, i don't really think that's possible...plus mommy won't let me out of her sight once i'm home. :) i heard my aunt ninna is coming to visit me this weekend. i am so excited i could pee my pants...oh, wait, i already do. :) anyway, i think i've rambled on long enough, and i'm pretty sure i got everything for now. love you all lots and, of course, God bless each and everyone. lil' wren.

Tuesday, September 2, 2003 4:00 PM CDT

i had a new picture to put on here today, but mommy said she didn't think it was a very good idea. i wanted to show everyone what a champ i was...i looked very good! mommy said you'll just have to take my word for it. so, she came up to see me yesterday, and now that i'm on c-pap she gets to hold me. :) that makes me smile...but yesterday, when she was holding me she put something in my mouth (i love to suck...anything!) only this time when i sucked, something came out. she called it nursing or something like that. anyway, she went on and on about how she has been waiting for this for four months, and if this five minutes were the only five minutes she ever got to nurse me, she would still do it all over again (i think she was referring to the pumping 10 times a day!). me personally? i thought it was great. one minute i was just sitting there, the next i have this wonderfuld taste in my mouth. i popped my eyes wide open to see what it was, but all i saw was mommy. i got so excited my heart started racing and i started breathing fast and i just could not hold still. i hope she comes back today and we get to do it all over again! anyway, i just thought i'd let you know...it is possible to do that nursing thing on c-pap. :) have a great night...lil' wren

Saturday, August 30, 2003 10:59 PM CDT

"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy or boast. Love is not self-seeking. It always protects...hopes...trusts...and perseveres." perseveres. you know as i read the verse from ecclesiastes that terry entered, it seemed to be just the reminder that i needed. in the morning, as i arise, i am getting into the habit of placing my cares for the day into the very hands of Jesus. my children. my stresses. my hopes. my heart-aches. whatever it may be. only, so often i find myself needlessly taking them back. (sound familiar?) i guess this could go in two different directions. my hope is that it will make "one" sense when i am through! to sow the seed of my day into the Father's hands and to let it be so that at the end of the day, whatever it was has become what the Father wanted it to be, and not i. basically, keep my hands off...only don't be idle. for example...just because i have given my day over to the Lord does not give me permission to pass off the perseverence of prayer. the prayer that Thy will be done...no matter what it is or where it takes me. it is easy to be caught up and consumed by self-centerdness in this game of tribulation. always being tempted by the thought..."it's not fair." and "c'mon! lets be done with it...haven't we had enough?" and to be encouraged in those thoughts by so many...which we really appreciate your concern and compassion...but when God has set a mission before us, and to be told that we have gone through so much by people who care, it only becomes that much easier to cave in and to feel sorry for ourselves instead of blindly trusting in the hope that Christ has set before us. know what i mean? God didn't ask me to sit and sulk, He asked me to love unconditionally. without judgement. and that includes both him, my son and my situation. for love hopes and it trusts and it protects...but most of all for me right now, it perseveres. i was talking with a friend the other day and it dawned on me the depth of God's promises. now i don't know about you, but now that i've found myself in a bit of a sticky situation, i have the tendency to try to dig up ALL of His promises to remind Him exactly what He promised me. (of course the way i have interpreted them in my mind, and the way God has intended to use them in our lives...well, let's just say i have a feeling they are two completely opposite things.) but in an example...famous one. God promised to never give you more than you can handle. now i'm no glutten for punishment, but i've found myself to be very gullible and easily convinced. give me a motive, and i'll give you my money...(well, if i had any). when i think about that, "God will never give you more than you can handle..." i've often come to a point of nauseasness thinking that i absolutely cannot stand one more day of this...and it is here that God quietly reminds me that He will NEVER give me more than i can handle...if i would only trust Him. with a quiet moment of prayer and supplication He can always coax me back to a somewhat version of sanity. so i've asked Him..."God? is the truth of that promise something instilled in me from the beginning of time because you never will give me more than i can handle? or because i know you and trust your word is it true to me?" (does that make any sense?) okay, here try this..."I can do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens me." (notice he said ALL THINGS!) so where is our limit? i guess there is none because God has no limits, and we, as Christians, have access to the very throne of God. so, when i'm feeling that knot at the end of the rope, looking up thinking, "does He know i'm at the end?" i just remember that He promised He would never give me more than i can handle, and i trust in just that. (okay, i think i'm going to have to go back and re-read that). so anyway, wren, my beautiful wren, is still hangin' in there on the c-pap. he is at a pressure of 9. they are still working with his lungs. a common phrase up there is that he has "sick" lungs. something i still find ironic. i've never thought of him as being "sick". examining his stoma (or the place where the ostomy is) this morning, dr. johnson thought it looked a little irritated and puffy. he ran across dr. moyer in the hall and asked him to come and take a look when he got a chance. i guess he hasn't been in yet, but the nurse who is with him tonight says that it still looks healthy. but you can tell it bugs wren when you are touching the area. so in prayer, please just lift up his lungs, his airway, and his intestines. my little peanut. my precious child. i am so blessed to have been chosen as his mother. and for as many days that i wish he were a "normal" baby at home with me, i am so very thankful for the depth he has brought to our lives and our home. i am thankful for the love and support we have found in all of you...but mostly i am thankful that God has not yet once required me to know the answers. just to be a part of His infinate plan. God bless you all...

Friday, August 29, 2003 4:27 AM CDT

ugh! mom! please take the "sunshine" phrase off the page...boys are not sunshine! we're mud and tucks and..well, you just don't call a boy sunshine. well, i suppose you all are very curious as to what is going on! sorry, my days have been filled to the brim with nothing but...well, everything. the whole plan yesterday was to extubate me in the morning because i had been intubated 6 days. the swelling in my throat did indeed go down - praise God. and for the past 5 days, my lungs have actually been doing pretty well. except for yesterday. i kind of did what daddy calls a crash and burn. about an hour before they were getting ready to extubate, my cares were done. (this is where they change me, take my temp, change my feeds, give me meds...suction me). for some reason after i was suctioned, i just did not want to come back up. i was at 100n the vent machine for my oxygen level, and my sats were only up to between 88 and 90. for the longest time, they could not budge me. dr. derleth thinks what might have happened was that when i was suctioned something of a mucus plug must have got dislodged and gone down into my lungs. on the 6:00 am xray, my right lung looked foggy. on the 11:00 am xray my left lung looked foggy. this was after they had turned me in between the two. then, in this afternoons xray my right lung looked good, and my left top and bottom looked good, but the middle of my left was what was collapsing. so they are doing what mom calls "toothbrush therapy" on me. this is where they take an electric tooth brush and vibrate it on my back to loosen any gunk that might be in my lungs. if you ask me, it kind of feels like a message and i could do this more often :) anyway, they waited and waited all day long for me to take this turn around. i never really jumped and got right back in the game, but at 6:30 lastnight they decided to extubate me anyway. sometimes, with me, they've figured out that less is more. i get so annoyed with all the things on me and in me, that that tends to affect how i breathe and feel. after they extubated me, i looked much more comfortable...the nurses said. silly, i can't see myself! i am running anywhere between 60 and 70xygen depending on how mad i am. i am at a c-pap pressure of 10. i don't know how long they will give me the chance to prove myself, so i guess the big prayer right now is just that the floppiness of my airway will harden, and my lungs will get rid of all their secretions. oh, and dr. derleth also told mom yesterday that i have kidney stones...i've been trying to tell her that for weeks, but she just kept thinking i was saying, "i don't like my intubation tube." or, "my leg hurts." or "i don't want to be on this side anymore."...but never once did she listen to the words that were coming out of my mouth..."ouch! it hurts to move." so, unfortunately, there is not a whole lot they can do for that. it is one more of those things that they weigh in the medical field. i needed the lasex when i was young, and as a reprocussion, i did get some dumps of the calcium in my kidneys. they will go away with time, but until then i might just be a crabby boy! well, i'm hoping you all have a good day today. even more, i'm hoping i have a better day today ;) (a very hedonistic thought.) God bless. lil' wren oh, and the news i forgot to tell you 3 days ago...i am now 5 lbs. 2 1/2 oz. and am at 19 cc's per hour for feeds. Yay.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 10:39 AM CDT

"You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special women or man.
(I know you are only a baby boy but this is how it is written)

You look like you look for a reason,
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
your just what he wanted to make.

The parents you have are the ones He has chosen,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, this trauma you face is not easy,
And God weeps that it hurts you so;
But it is allowed to shape your heart
So that into HIS likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!"

i have a sweet sweet girl who thinks of me everyday, and she just had to write to me and tell me what God thinks of me too. that is oh so nice. i love to hear those words of a plan and a future and of a love and affection so infinate even i, the proverbial wren, can't fathom it. :) i feel so blessed by each and every one of you individually who has touched my life deeper than you will ever know. i am going to give you a very straight forward doctoral update today. there are a few things that i might have forgotten to mention over the past week. okay, here goes, not in alphabetical order. the biggest thing this week is, of course, my breathing. their plan was to intubate me for 5 days (starting last thursday) and then to extubate me and put me on c-pap. they intubated me through my nose because they thought it would be a more direct approach to my airway causing less irritation to my throat. the way dr. derleth explained it was this. when my diaphram expands to pull in the air, it is actually shutting of the bottom part of my wind pipe (the part that's floppy). solution...or hopefully and prayerfully the solution. because of the swelling at the top of my wind pipe, when the air flows in the space is so small that is what is causing it to come together rather than staying expanded. they took me off of the hydrochordizone sterroid and put me on the dexamethazone (remember the high artillary sterroid i was on about 2 months ago?) this will help both my lungs and the swelling in my throat. if they can get my airway to open up he hopes that the air will push the bottom of my wind pipe out rather than in. it's easier if i can talk with my hands to explain it! but that's kind of the idea. oh, and i think he convinced dr. thompson to wait until wednesday for extubation. this will give me one more day to re-group. of course i can't sit still so who knows what will happen. even morphine is losing its luster with me! mommy always jokes that if i ever hit troubled waters during adolesence (sp?) and told her that i was taking morphine...she would laugh it off and tell me that i was addicted to it as a baby. she wouldn't really. i know that. she told me that i'm not allowed to give her any more trouble for the rest of my life. i used up my 3 chances. my throat, my lungs, and my intestine. that's it. all done. i am currently on "contact isolation". how cool does that sound? i feel like a nuclear bomb or something. no, but really they found a bit of the e-coli bacteria in my e.t. tube...oooh pop quiz...what does et stand for? chris bush you may not answer. anyway, they are not too worried about it. it CAN cause such things like pnemonia and colds and the like, but like i said, they are not too worried about it because i will be getting extubated tomorrow. but still, please pray that that bacteria stays at bay. i am currently at 18 cc's per hour for feeds AND i have my fortifier added. i am at GOAL....yay...party...whoo hoo. okay, enough. oh, one other tid bit i forgot to mention. how silly because if i was a normal baby mommy would be flying off the walls about it. i have a broken or fractured femur. again spelling? this is the thigh bone. it's not so much broken as in cracked in half...it's more of a bent bone. i guess for little babies this is not such a big deal. especially because my bones are so fragile right now due to a lack of calcium. so, anyway, put another notch in my belt. i guess that is the gist of things. i have not yet heard if they have done an ultrasound on my kidney's yet. (remember they keep me on morphine. all i know about is the cute little angels flying around my bed.) but once i find out, i'll let you know. they are giving me a bollus of phosphorus and i think potassium still to keep me on track. well, off to sleep i go.
as a serious end note...if you have not yet heard, my friend benjamin went to heaven on sunday. i know he is up there waiting with ellie and preston and isaiah for his mommy and daddy and for all of us to join him. please pray for his mommy and daddy. for all the comfort it is to know he is with Jesus, it is still very very hard not to have him in their arms. mommy told me the decision they made was very noble, and it is no doubt they love their son more than life itself for the sacrifice they made. angela and mark we fall on our knees for you. and our hearts are breaking for you right now as we rejoice in the joining of your son to his precious Jesus. may comfort and peace be yours right now. amen. lil' wren

Sunday, August 24, 2003 0:34 AM CDT

as i sit here stunned at the brevity and frailty of life, i am once again reminded of the blessings that have come upon me even though daily i have fought the idea that they are not what i had planned. and so the line up goes. i can look at a mom who is pregnant, or who has just given birth to a healthy baby and wish with all my heart that that was me, while a mother who is sitting at her terminal child's bedside is looking at me wishing with all her heart that her child was only as sick as mine, and not close to the end of their time here on earth. i am so sorry if this message is a bit dismal, but my heart is breaking tonight for all the parents out there who have ever lost a child, or are in the midst of a battle for their little one's life tonight. how can i sleep when the tears won't stop? God has given me more than i could ever imagine, and more than that, He has given me hope. who am i to deserve such grace? who am i to have been chosen to be a part of His people? I have been called by name to inherit His kingdom, and still He ever increases by watching over me and my family. He doesn't just stop at the very basics, but truly all things work for the good for those who love Him. why can't i remember that? that blind trust of knowing He is leading us at this very moment, and every second of every day that i am priveleged to be here on this earth has been sought out by Him to be known and to be counted. i must remember that whatever comes, whatever i experience, whatever road i travel, i am blessed because i am forgiven. i love Him because He FIRST loved me. i am a heir to the kindom of heaven. and when this life has come to an end it will only be the beginning of me in the arms of my beloved. i so often isolate my situation thinking no one has ever walked this road before...oh, how more wrong could i be? people have walked the same road in so many different paths. as my loving grandparents have said, "It may be a 'tough' assignment not welcomed by a mother but such was the role of Mary the mother of Jesus." for we all know that the child she bore should have meant death for her...but instead brought life to you and me. and i thought my situation was complicated! oh, to rest and know...
He has the whole world in His hands. trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight. and yes, my eyes can only see the ground beneath my feet, but His ways are higher and His love is greater...Lord...please show me. show us. tonight, reveal you heart to us that we might know the heighth and the depth and the breadth of your love. for you alone are God.

Friday, August 22, 2003 5:50 PM CDT

didn't my daddy do a good job? i am back for a little bit anyway, sorry, i've had kind of a busy week. mommy says that daddy is pretty incredible because she is not much of a detailed person, and he got it all pretty well. i'll add a few things, but it's all been covered almost perfectly. dr. thompson is actually my ear, nose, throat specialist, and she is very young and spunky. very precise. very particular. i like her that way. my air way is swollen to about 1 size smaller than what it should be due to the intubation. and to top it all off i have a "floppy" airway at the bottom. it is mostly comprised of a cartiledge type tissue that, with time, will toughen up. this would be where the endo-tracheal tube would come in. commonly reffered to as an e.t. tube. hey, i like e.t...or mommy says i will when i am older! in a way, mommy says she is almost excited for it, if that's what it has to be. it means that they will get me home quicker because i can by-pass a lot of the weaning to eating stuff. i.e. if i am breathing through my throat, i have nothing on my face...hungry time! but, she also says, "all good things come to those who wait." so if it takes time, and i don't have to have a trach...that'll be quite all right too :) neither mommy nor daddy nor i know how to spell anything...so you'll have to shed a little grace on us as we are learning. the only other things being tweaked right now are my phosphorus levels and of course my potassium and vitamin d. all these things kind of play into my ability to retain the vitamins and minerals that i need. they are actually going to do another kidney ultra-sound on my to see if i might possibly have some crystalizing deposits. i tend to dump...just wanting to be like mommy. (she says she now has to 'pump and dump' because of a lack of space in the freezers! 4 months worth of milk...i could eat forever!) anyway, yadda yadda yadda. they are working at getting me at my optimum performance. i am on 16 cc's for feeds. my goal is 18 and 24 calories. i am still at 22 calories because i don't tolerate too much good stuff. that's okay though. they are giving my morphine and another sedative to keep me still. i darn near extubated myself lastnight so mommy put a sock on my hand and got my other hand pinned down with a safety pin. :) she thinks it's so funny...wait'll i get outta here. she said i have to hold still for the next 5 days because that is what is going to help my throat heal. be praying for that. strengthening of the tube and clearing of the lungs and for the swelling to go down. well, i think i've rambled enough for now...here is a poem a sweet sweet sarah sent to mommy that she wanted to share.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."
"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.
Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting . . . for what?"
He seemed, then to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save . . . (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that "My grace is sufficient for Thee."
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, "WAIT."
God bless...
love you all...lil' wren

Thursday, August 21, 2003 11:35 PM CDT

hello all. its me again. mike. erin thought she had that silly worm tamed, but it showed her in the end. hehe. the machines at the RMcD house are still down. but not me, no way. aint no worm gonna bring me down. its late tonight and today has been long. i left for home this morning at about 6:15am. that rochester run is kinda rough in the morning, but the time spent there at night is well worth it. im happy to say that i wasn't alone this morning. i returned with a little one in the seat next to me. and after a long day of playing her little heart out, she's now sleeping soundly upstairs. you know if God has never given you the chance to see an angel here on earth you ought to come and see my emma sleeping. i have never seen such a beatiful little girl. ever. dont get me wrong, my wife is gorgeous but there is something about emma when she's sleeping (i know i can safely say this cause erin agrees 100ith me). erin will return home here at about 2pm tomorrow and that makes 75f the eccles family home!! horray!! but still one left over there. anyways, about him. once again i have to remind myself that this is his page not mine. so here goes. its a lot, but i'll do my best. early this afternoon the nurses were called to prep wren. at about 1pm the throat/lung specialist (dr. johnson)came and picked him up to take downstairs. they got him "put under" and proceeded to stick a camera down his trechea (sp). they were thinking that maybe his throat was swelling up after all of the times they intubated him and then returned to the cpap, and that was maybe what was causing the difficulty in breathing for him. and taking a few pictures of his insides they returned him to his normal spot. the pictures came back with proof that his throat was swelled up and they found a soft spot at the bottom of his wind pipe. none of these things were a surprise. they've decided to intubate him once more but they went through his nose rather than his mouth to try to give it a break and a chance to heal. he will be intubated for about 5 days and after that time is up they will go to the cpap and hopefully be able to ween him off of that slowly. the idea behind waiting five days is to give his wind pipe a chance to heal. they said this is very possible. worst case senerio is that his wind pipe doesn't heal and they have to give him a trecheotomy (sp). and that would be something that would stay in for about a year or so. the cool thing about all of this is that they are finding cures. they say his lungs look actually pretty good for where hes at. its getting the oxygen to them that is whats holding wren up. soo... dr. johnson says the same thing that they like to see in premies like wren is the same thing that is whats causing the swelling in his throat, and that is strength. the little man is so strong, he has no problem ripping the tubes from his lungs. they dont make tape strong enough to keep them in. maybe thats why they like morphine up there so much. i dont know. anyways, its time for bed. tomorrow is a brand new day. and i have to make the most of. we love you all. and like i said my girls will both be home this weekend, so if you think im gonna be down here on this stupid computer, you're mistaken. erin might though. have a great weekend everyone. God Bless.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 10:18 PM CDT

good evening faithful ones. its me, mike. Wrens dad. this is a first for me. i've always believed in "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." and erin does such a nice job with updating Wrens page that i've never felt anyone needed to hear my bad grammar or witness any of my inablilities to spell. but when a worm virus takes out all of the computers at the Ronald McDonald House our options become limited. i want to let everyone know that i was extremly blessed this last week. first off, my girls returned home to me on wednesday night. only to leave again but return the next night, and then stayed with me till sunday afternoon. thats almost 3 days of holding them and just spending time with them. i had the chance to talk to a LOT of people on wednesday night and some of you there i haven't seen in years. thank you to everyone to came. i want you all to know that any kind of gift of money that night went to an extrodinary place. the numbers went like this. there were about 450 people that showed up and between the times of 4 and 8pm they sold 413 happy meals. after all of the bills were payed for the band and all the money was tallied up, it came out to be almost $3000.00 that went directly to the Ronald McDonald House. that in my opinion is AWESOME. so thank you to all who came and donated. it was great to see all of you. secondly, on saturday morning two of Erin's best friend threw her a surprise baby shower for Wren. to see her cry, tears of joy rather than hurt, made my heart swell. it was exactly what she needed. she was so surprised to see all of you girls there and to know that all of you are supporting her and backing her up and praying for her, meant the world to both of us. as you all know, the 20th of august (thats tomorrow) is Wrens due date. we had hoped to have him home then. hes not. but to know that there are so many praying for us, we know him will be home soon. anyways i know this is getting kinda lengthy and you still don't know about Wren so i'll wrap up here. i just got word from my wife that wren has been struggling with his breathing. they had him at 100% oxygen earlier today. so they decided to reintubate him. nurse Lisa said he is doing a lot better now. his pressure is a little bit lower and his oxygen level is down around 40%. they continue to push his feedings along. as soon as he's getting enough calories they can pull the one pic line he has in his arm. thats the line that is causing swelling in his arm. so prayers for that are very welcome. other than that he seems to be doing ok. his phospherus in his blood is a little low but they said they can take care of that pretty easily. soo... we appreciate each and every one of you and wish God's blessings on you ten fold. mike.

Thursday, August 14, 2003 8:30 PM CDT

mommy told me how many of you showed up lastnight to dance to the teddy bear band. i was so in awe...i nearly stopped breathing! thank you thank you thank you. you have no idea what it meant to ma and pa and em. i know mommy had talked to a couple of you at the event, but i'm sure the details were spared because of time :) when mommy came in yesterday morning, i was having an AWESOME morning! until about 10:00 am or so. then i kind of crashed. i don't think it was really my fault...those silly women just couldn't keep fidling with me! (yes, that includes mommy.) anyway, for whatever reason, i was really struggling with my breathing. they changed out my vent machines and when mommy left i was at a c-pap of 8 and at 100xygen. not so good. then when she came back today i was at a c-pap of 10 and around 60xygen. she told me i was going the wrong way. i said, "yeah? well you took a wrong turn when you went home, too!" she did. it's true. so admittingly she did a u-turn on i-35 in one of those little dirt paths in the ditches that say "no u-turn". the whole time positive a cop was waiting for her on the other side. he was...but not at the u-turn. about 35 miles down the road she got pulled over for speeding. he was coming towards her and as soon as she saw his lights turn on she pulled the car over and turned it off. (okay, she hit the gravel and stalled the car.) after her stressful morning with me and missing the turn oh, and she had been up since 5:30...kind of tired...i think she hit a brick wall. she started bawling. the nice state trooper asked for her license and told her he was going to give her a warning for the speed. (she was going 62 in a 55.) anyway, he asked her what her permanent address was to which she cried even harder and said she didn't have a permanent address. he looked very confused. after she explained he walked back to his car and wrote the warning. when he returned, he handed her the license and told her to drive carefully. thank you officer...if you are out there. she needed that break. the whole way home i know she was having a very serious conversation with God. she said, or more or less screamed in her mind, (you'll have to excuse her if she sounded judgemental...she kind of had a breakdown.) "God, why couldn't this have happened to someone who didn't care about their children? someone who would have let him go?" He said, "because I needed wren...and I needed him exactly how i created him to be." then mom said, "Okay then, why didn't you give him to someone more qualified than me?" He said, "because if I did that, then they wouldn't have had to rely on Me." then she said, "well, then if it has to be this way, please make him perfect and whole and just the way a normal child should be." He calmly replied, "Erin, I have created wren for a special purpose. how and when I'll use him is for me to know. even paul, the apostle, had a thorn in his side, and in whatever manner i choose to use you, and michael and emma and wren...it is the best way - because it is My way. All you need to do is trust. trust that I do have everything in My hands. trust that what you see is not always what's really there. trust that as you go through the valley, I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am all you need. I will hear your cry. I will answer your prayer, and I will do it in My perfect nature." then she said, "yeah, but...but...this wasn't in my plan" He said, "I know it was in Mine." that's all she told me. anyway, if you find yourself on your knees tonight, i could really use some lifting up...again. my breathing is still strained and i heard the word intubation fly by my ears. it's not a definate thing, but i need to improve a little bit. everything else right now seems to be going good. just my lungs. lift them up. well, i am going to turn in for the night. thank you all again for your unending support. we love you more thank you could know. God bless. lil' wren.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003 7:26 PM CDT

okay, a little more in depth update. staph infection? what staph infection? i guess mommy asked about it the other day and the only response was, "well, we all have staph on our bodies..." so i guess i don't have one after all since it has not been mentioned since that day. praise God! i am weaned down to a 6 on my c-pap. well it's supposed to be 6 but now i'm on a new machine (they needed the other one for some of the smaller babies coming in) so it goes anywhere from a 3 to a 6ish number, but mostly sits around a 5. don't ask...i don't know! i don't even think the nurses can figure it out. but nurse deb says it is going to force me to wean off of it because the buzzer on it is so heart wrenching horrid that mommy almost ran out of the room. :) i am tolerating my feeds very well, and am in a big boy crib out in the BIG ROOM now. they confenscated (oooh spelling) my private room for the little ones. my it feels good in a bad sort of way not to be the littlest one anymore. but mommy says that because now i'm bigger Jesus has given us the responsibility to pray for the other mommies and daddies and babies that are coming up. i'm okay with that. mommy put me in a big boy bouncy chair for the first time today. i don't know what i think about that. at first i got very confused, then mad, and then...well i just gave up and entertained her by tolerating it. she said she was going to put some pictures of me in it on the page today but forgot the camera. she'll do it later on tonight, though. well, that's about all...i'll tell you more later. love you all and see you tomorrow. lil' wren

Tuesday, August 12, 2003 8:06 AM CDT

newest weight...4 lbs. 7 1/2 oz.!!!! just had to gloat.

Monday, August 11, 2003 8:32 PM CDT

i cannot tell you what a good day today has been. and rightly so, it has uplifted mommy and daddy's spirits. (and mine too). God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. what a reminder! mommy said that she was incredibly blessed today by things she didn't even expect. she was going through taco bell for lunch today (nutritious and delicious) and the total came to $1.96. she didn't have any cash on her so after apologizing to the cashier that she was going to have to write out a check, he said, "don't worry about it, it's on me." what? huh? mommy SLOWLY drove away, waiting for someone to chase after her. there are still very very kind people every where you look! then, she went to kohl's department store to say hi and to drop off a sign, and tammy, the store manager there, informed her that the employees had held a bake sale to raise some money for me...what? huh? (mommy's eyes welled up with tears). so tonight i was going to go down my list and write a thank you via internet to everyone who has touched my life. (do you have any idea how long the list would be?) but, before i leave here, i do want to do it so you all know what a big part you played in helping me and mommy and daddy and em get through this.
i am having a super dee duper day. i was at 30% oxygen all day long. not in the 30's. actually 30%. and i am on a pressure of 8. mommy got to hold me for the first time tonight since the surgery. we cuddled for a good 2 hours. i liked it, but i'm not used to being held so i just told her to give me a minute while i got settled in. i'm tolerating my feedings of 8 cc's per hour, and am working on tweaking the little levels of potassium and such. i got to move to a big boy crib tonight in preperation of some little babies coming in. they come in threes from what i hear. there is a little guy next to me, just born, 1 lb. 7 1/2 oz. and a little one in the next room who is 1 lb. either 4 or 14 oz. i was trying to peek without being nosey. my eyes still aren't completely developed. then tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be getting in a 24 weeker and a 25 weeker. both will be little. so pray for the NICU in general tonight. it is getting busy. but especially pray for the families. mommy says she is having flash backs of me walking by the tiny ones, and her heart is aching for the other mommies and daddies. well, that should just about do it for tonight. i am looking forward to "seeing" you all at the fund raiser on wednesday. mommy says she'll tell me every last detail. what an amazing place the ronald house is. hugs and kisses...and God bless you all. What a MIGHTY God we serve! lil' wren

Sunday, August 10, 2003 5:30 AM CDT

i am doing good this weekend. i am starting to settle down a little bit which means my sats are a little better. so sorry that this one is a little short, but i just wanted to let you know that mommy and daddy will be on country 103 (103.5) this morning at about 8:45 a.m. or 9:00. somewhere in there...love you all, and i'll write more later. lil' wren

Friday, August 8, 2003 5:44 PM CDT

well, as you have all heard, i'm fighting quite the battle right now. please pray God keeps me safe in His hands. i am being quite the puzzle for all to figure out. mommy thinks maybe i have a cold to boot. for now they are double checking the culture for a staph infection (spelling?). i am having just a hunky dory time trying to breathe and not desat. my last two days have been full of masking and bagging. mommy says she really does not like the color purple on me. pink is okay for boys in this situation. so for my lungs i was re-intubated until this afternoon and now i am back on my c-pap. pressure of 10 and still running around 60-80% on my oxygen. pray for the right side of my lungs. there is a section that has the tendency to collapse. not real condusive to breathing. pray for my staph infection. pray for my feeds to be tollerated. for my potassium levels to go up. for everything...especially for mommy and daddy too...they are tired. love you all and thank you for your prayers. lil' wren.

Wednesday, August 6, 2003 2:00 PM CDT

i remember growing up as a child hearing my parents talk about being in a miopic point of view. of course, as a child, it means absolutely nothing to you because you figure if my parents got through it and learned the hard way, then so can i. it seems only as adults do we finally catch on to the concept that it is sometimes better (and almost always easier) to take the path of wisdom. wisdom of our parents. and hindsight from their experiences. so if you are a younger person reading this, i am telling you...take your parents wisdom and learn from them! this doesn't so much have to do with what i'm writing about today except for the fact that it has everything to do with a miopic perspective. i am in the middle of reading a book by Francine Rivers called "The Atonement Child". excellent read if you are looking for a book. anyway, the plot of the story is about a girl who, while away at college, was raped and became pregnant because of it. this girl grew up in a Christian home, did everything "right", and revered God as her heavenly Father. she was engaged to a young gentleman at the school she attended and was in the prime of her life with a wonderful plan laid out before her. after the incident happened she found herself frightened - of course - rejected by the man she loved, caught in the middle of a past hurt between her parents, and feeling very alone. stuck between her faith and "justice" she contemplated on whether or not to abort the baby. now obviously, i don't know the end...yet. but as i was reading i thought, "how curious that as an 'outsider' reading her story i am so quick and confident to tell her 'don't do it!'" i can look at her life as it unfolds before me and use the wisdom of being at a distant perspective. when you are in something, it is hard to clearly see all the outcomes. now, i don't advocate this, or do it myself (all that often)...but in my hands i held the power to turn to the very last page and find out what happens at the end. if i knew that, then no matter what choice she made in the middle, i would be able to "council" her through it - knowing the end. so it has been revealed to my heart that that is how Jesus is, also. i guess you could say the story of our lives are written in a book. and i've always struggled with the concept of "free choice" and God knowing exactly what our lives are going to be until the day we die...yet we still have "free choice". so in this way our lives unfold like a story. us in a miopic point of view and God reading it...knowing the end. and with Him knowing the end we are allowed to make a free choice because He has the wisdom and the power and the knowledge to council us through the decisions we make. not all decisions are right or wrong...but some are better than others. and i guess if i could step back and allow God to lead me through the pages because he can see ALL points of view (i.e. in a book you are always jumping from one character to another and somehow by the end they have all entwined together but with individual outcomes) maybe the middle stuff in my book would be much more intimate. nobody likes a dry book. usually they get shelved, never to be opened again. but once you find a story with twists and turns and trials and triumphs, you become engulfed with the story. intruiged by it's characters. and wiser because of their experiences. may our lives here in rochester be a book for those of you out there. i never want to become haughty or self-glorified because of what we've been through; but i do want others to have a closer relationship with the Lord because of it. that is my hearts desire...for i guess we all know how the story ends. us in the arms of our Beloved. and that really is all that matters.
wren is having a bit of a hard day today. this morning he was re-intubated because he had quite a few desats lastnight. come to find out he had a TON of dried secretions in his throat that were keeping him from processing the oxygen. also in turn his carbon dioxide levels were quite high. his ph was 7.13. they don't like it to be below 7.25. so needless to say he will probably be intubated until tomorrow morning. he is still quite pooped out this afternoon. i guess it takes your body a while to recover from a lack of oxygen. so i guess our prayer tonight would be for him to become vibrant again and to regain all his levels. also the feeds are still not being tolerated very well. pray for his tummy. they are going to put the feeding tube into the duadnum (spelling?) again and see if that helps. sometimes the stomach just has a few issues getting that food through. if it is further in that usually helps. other than our little "bump in the road" as nurse patty calls it, we seem to be hanging in there. tired. ready as all get out for that big bang of a miracle. but in the grand scheme of things, trials produce perseverence and that is something that will be with us forever. this is but a season in our lives. thank you for all your prayers and the way you've touched our family. God bless you and all yours tonight. love the eccles

Tuesday, August 5, 2003 11:35 PM CDT

An excerpt from Max Lucado and Ron DiCianni -
"The Secret of Peace"
"We set our eyes not on what we see, but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time. But what we cannot see will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:18"
"Josh watched Eric get up from the table, walk across the room, and stand by the kitchen window. 'I don't understand it, Grandpa Josh. All I did was stand up for my beliefs'
Rain streaked the pane. Josh stirred his coffee. Eric stared out the window. Both were silent - Eric wondering why the kids laughed at him, Josh wondering what he should say. " I'm not the only Christian in science class." Eric broke the silence. "Why didn't anyone else speak up?" "Tell me again what the teacher said." Eric looked at Josh and let out a sigh. "He said I should know better than to believe in God."
"And the students laughted?"
"Yeah, they laughed. They laugh at anything he says. You've got to understand - this teacher is a class act. He's young. He's sharp. The girls think he's handsome. We're not talking old fogey here. We're talking about the most popular teacher in school."
"Did any student speak up?"
"Not for God. I guess they didn't want to look foolish." Eric turned again and looked out the window. "I guess they didn't want to look like me. What bothers me most is not the silence of the kids but the silence of God."
"What do you mean?" Josh asked.
"Why didn't He do something? Why did He let everyone laugh at me? Why didn't He zap the teacher or shake the room?"
"How do you know He didn't?"
"Cause I was there. When the teacher asked who believed in God, I raised my hand. He said I was foolish, and everybody laughed. he lectured for ten minutes on how faith was old-fashioned. I didn't see God do anything. Not one thing!"
Josh stroked his long moustache and smiled. "You know, Eric, you aren't the first one to ask that question."
"What do you mean?"
"Go to a hospital. Walk up and down the halls, and you'll find people asking the same thing, 'Why doesn't God do something?' Go where hungry people are. They'll ask it, too. 'If God is alive, why doesn't He help?' You're not the first one to question the presence of God."
Josh stood up and motioned. "Follow me. I want to show you something."
The two stepped into the study where Josh kept his treassure chest from Africa. Josh led Eric to a table in the corner.
"Have I shown you my pets?" he asked, pointing to a glass cage. Inside the cage four little mice huddled in a corner.
"When did you get these?"
"Melva bought them last week at the pet store. She loves animals. Here, meet Ezrod." Josh reached into the cage and lifted out the smallest of the mice. He was snow white with a nose that never stopped wiggling.
"He was born here. Right in this room."
Eric was puzzled. What does a mouse have to do with looking stupid in science class?
"Ezrod has something to teach you about peace, Eric," Josh explained as he put the rodent in Eric's hands.
"What?"
"This mouse knows how you feel."
Eric turned Ezrod around and looked at his small, whiskered face. "I don't get it."
"Well, Ezrod has questions, too."
Eric rolled his eyes. "Right. Like what?"
"Like the other day he complained about the monsters on the wall."
"Come on." Eric chuckled.
"No really. See the framed photograph?"
"That's you and Melva."
"Ezrod doesn't think so. He's convinced that it's a window with two monsters staring in, waiting for the chance to eat him."
"Josh, you're crazy." Eric was starting to laugh.
Josh's eyes twinkled. "And that's just the beginning. See th wqalking stick in the corner?"
"Yeah."
"Ezrod thinks it's a snake."
"You're kidding. It doesn't look anything like a snake."
"Ezrod doesn't know that. You know what else he complains aobut?"
"What?"
"He complains that I leave him alone in the room too much. He thinks if he can't see me, then I'm not alive. If he had his way, I'd be here in this room twenty-four hours a day."
"Wait a second. You're telling me that you have a mouse who thinks the picture is a monster, that a stick is a snake, and that if he can't see you, then you don't exist?"
"That's right."
"That's insane."
"No, that's life through the eyes of a mouse. And you know, Eric, I can understand his confustion. You see, Ezrod hasno knowledge of life beyond this room. His entire world is right here. The ceiling is the sky. The walls are the edge of the earth. All he knows is this room."
Eric leaned forward on the couch and stroked the back of the mouse. He was starting to get the point. "Ezrod doesn't understand that the real world is bigger than what he can see," he said slowly.
"That's right. He misinterprets what he can see and doesn't understand what he can't see."
"Kind of like me."
"Kind of like all of us. We all forget that God's world is much bigger than ours. From God's point of view, this earth is just one room in a huge house. We can only see a portion of what exists."
Eric nodded his head. " And since our vision is limited, we think pictures are monsters. We think sticks are snakes. And we think if we don't see the owner of the house, he isn't here."
"That's right. Let me show you something."
Josh went to the shelf and took down the book of secrets, opened it, and handed it to Eric.
"Read the verse on this page."
Eric read the words slowly:
"We set our eyes not on what we see, but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time. But what we cannot see will last forever." (2 Corinthinians 4:18)
"What does it mean to set your eyes on what you cannot see?" Eric asked.
"Ah, good question. I learned what this meant in jail."
Eric's eyes widened. "You did?"
"I was working near a small village in the jungle. We dug water wells for the people. We became their friends and told them about God. They were interested, but the chief was angry. he had me thrown in a hut and locked the door."
"What happened?"
"Well, while I was locked up, I asked the same questions you asked. I hadn't done anything wrong. I began to wonder where God was. As the days passed, I became anxious. Then I remembered this verse in the Bible. 'We set our eyes not on what we see, but on what we cannot see.'
"So I decided to do it. I decided to see with my heart and not my eyes. They could lock up my body, but they couldn't lock my heart. I spent hours sitting on the dirt floor of that hut talking to God and soaring with him like an eagle through the sky. I was a prisoner, but my spirit was free."
Eric was fascinated. "How long were you locked up?"
"Thirty days. I later learned that they were just testing me to see if I was serious about my faith."
"Have they become Christians?"
"Not yet. But they may. At least they saw one person who was willing to stand up for his belief."
"Do you think my teacher was just testing me?"
"Could be. Could be he isn't, though. Your teacher may mock you every day from now on. Your friends may laugh at you. But when they do, see the unseen. God is near. He is proud of you, Eric. He loves those who are loyal to Him. And just because He doesn't make the ceiling fall or the ground shake, that doesn't mean He isn't by your side."
Eric was quiet for a minute. Then he smiled. "I guess Ezrod and I have a lot in common."
"What do you mean?"
"We both just need to trust. We both need to see more than we can see. And we both have you to remind us there is more to this world that what we can see."
Max Lucado
(a note from the artist)
Over the years I have often heard people say things such as, "I'm happy in the Lord." They probably mean that at that particular time everything in their lives is going well. The family is healthy, the job is okay, they got the new car, and they have a few dollars to put away. But what happens if God allows one of those things to change?
I've often wondered how Peter and Paul sang in prison. Beats me. I once heard that peace is not the absence of storms in our lives. Peace is what you get IN the storm. Too many times I haven't allowed God to give me His peace in the storm because I was too busy trying to convince Him to get me out of there - post haste. Sound familiar?
Wouldn't it be wonderful to experience the "peace that passes all understanding" before the storm so that after the storm we can say without feeling embarrassed, "I knew You would take care of me."
That would be worth its weight in gold.
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
" Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7
"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you" 2 Thessalonians 3:16
Ron DiCianni
(all these verses were taken from the NIV Bible.)
Good night to all and hope this was good reading. It was taken from a book called, "Tell Me the Secrets Treasures for Eternity" by Max Lucado and Ron DiCianni

Tuesday, August 5, 2003 5:38 AM CDT

i have such cool doctors. it just so happened that dr. derleth was gone on vacation these past couple weeks; but even though he was on vacation, he still called to check on me, and he even thought about me! (that's when you know you are in the right business - when you think about your babies while on VACATION!) anyway, he said that he had been biking one day, and he saw a bald eagle flying around. the phrase "bird of prey" came to mind and reminded him of me. he said, "in a way wren, you are like a bird of prey...for everone prays for you...little bird." neat, huh? i'm tellin' ya, this man is a wealth of knowledge. anyway, i am doing good still. they are starting to wean me off of my kedameine. (pain med) so going to tylenol, i am a little cranky. but my owie looks good and is healing nicely. i also like all the food going into my tummy. i'm pretty close to being at what they call my "goal feeds" and as soon as i reach those, i can get at least one of my iv's out. mommy said she's anxious to start holding me again. i am still at a pressure of 7 on my c-pap, and still running between 30 and 40mommy said she took some new pictures of me, but forgot the disk in the car. (by the time most of you read this, hopefully she'll have gone and gotten it.) hope all of you have a wonderful day today, and God bless you. lil' wren
p.s. the mc'donalds on adams street (by the mall) is doing a fund raiser on august 13th from 5-8 p.m. it is for the Ronald McDonald and all the help they have given us. there will be a teddy bear band and ronald, and i believe grimace. anyway, have the kids bring their teddy bears and dance with the band. also any happy meals purchased between 4 and 8 will have a certain amount of procedes donated from them to the Ronald House. mommy and daddy and emma will be there (i still have to hang out here for a bit longer). so stop by and say hi!
p.p.s. check out some of the links i put at the bottom of my page. they are of some other babies who also need prayer.

Monday, August 4, 2003 11:18 AM CDT

here am i...so cute...so BIG! i was keeping it a secret for a while, but i had to tell mommy today...i am 4 lbs. 3 oz. without endema! (or very much anyway). i have officialy put on 3 big pounds since i have been born, and for the first time i weigh more than the age i am in months. (i.e. 4 lbs. and 3 1/2 months old.) i am on 9 cc's per hour on a k-cycle feeding and ranging for the most part in the 30's for my oxygen %. my belly is granulating nicely and i should have a cool scar there for a while. although, i think i heard it said that when i go in for my reverse ostomy they might do just a touch of cosmetic surgery. (but don't tell anyone.) other than that...i love my nuks and i can't wait to start nursing. keep praying for me. that my infection continues to disappear and that my wound heals nicely. also pray that no yeast infections set in...i am still on my artillary antibiotic. not sure for how much longer. i'll keep you updated... love lil' wren

Sunday, August 3, 2003 9:37 PM CDT

Real quick update! wren is doing better...keep praying. his infection looks a lot better than it did earlier in the week, and he is a lot less sore. he did get extubated and is now on a c-pap of 7 and running anywhere between 30-40% oxygen. his feeds are at 8 cc's per hour and will probably be going up to 9 tonight. his belly looks good size wise, and the endema seems to be going down for the most part! praise God. he now looks a lot smaller than he did at the beginning of the week, and is breathing a lot more easily. well, off to bed am i, and i look forward to seeing all the visitors tomorrow! :) God bless.

Friday, August 1, 2003 1:53 PM CDT

rumor has it, i might be getting extubated today!!!!! Yeah. that is about all of my big news. my endema has gone down quite a bit, and i am feeling much better. i am at 5 cc's on my feeds now and putting out a lot of yummy stuff into my ostomy bag. onward i go. prayer request. like i said before being on this massive antibiotic can possibly open the door to another yeast infection because it does such a good job of cleaning out my bacteria. pray that i'll be protected against any other bacterias and pray that i just take off on my c-pap and get my little body on a nasal canula. this would be wonderful! love you all and i'll write more later. lil' wren

Thursday, July 31, 2003 1:00 PM CDT

You know, i think we are so used to hearing the word prudence in such a negative connotation (i.e. - 'don't be such a prude') that we forget that it and wisdom go hand in hand. Coming from a proverbial stand point, wisdom sayings are more practical than theoretical...hence from wisdom (God's wisdom, mind you) we learn to conduct ourselves in a Godly manner. This is right, and this is what is required of us, but with it don't you think we should find honour in being labeled a "prude"? In the book of Proverbs, you find a very real optimism about the "world and its workings" BECAUSE God is in control. True, yes? and because of this you and i find a repetative assurance that we will reap what we sow. Once again wouldn't this cause you to want to gain wisdome and to act accordingly? Why then do we continually tend to be the people who are hearers only of the word? i find myself continually kicking myself in the rear end because i have said something that shouldn't have been said or done something completely out of line with what God would have me do. what a vicious cycle. I know I know I know in my heart that God cannot be left out of the picture because knowledge and wisdom begin with an utmost reverence for the Lord. So as I sat here this morning begging God for wisdom and knowledge to get through each moment of today...He reminded me that I need to be slow to anger slow to speak and quick to fix my eyes on Him. Be simple-minded. As long as I have my eyes on Him, (Seek ye first the kingdom of God) He will take care of the rest (and all these things shall be added unto you). I know in my heart He already has. He has known my situation before even time began...so what i'm really getting at is an apology. I'm sorry I have lost patience the last few days. I have lost the goal (Jesus) and focused on the situation at hand. I have said some things that maybe shouldn't have been said in an attitude that definately should have been squelched. Forgive me. As Michael and I were talking lastnight, he reminded me of his husbandly wisdom. He said once again, "Erin, we have to remember this is not about us. This is about Him and Him wanting to spend time with us. It's about Him and Him working through us. If we keep our eyes on Him, His desires become our desires. His will becomes our will. And instead of us asking Him to work through us, we will continually be doing His will without having to make it a second thought. As long as we keep our eyes on Him." Simple-minded. (Michael, if you are reading...these might not have been your exact words, but like any other wife out there I hear things a lot differently than how they are said. :) And in any sense, it spoke directly to my heart and got me back on track.
Bonnie G. Schluter has written a beautiful book called "Love Letters from God". One letter I'd like to share with you...
"My Child,
You have stood tall, and I have heard your voice. From the first moment you made Me the Lord of your life, My resources have been working for you. I have guided you, placed people in your path to minister and encourage you. My eye is ever looking for someone who will show himself strong in My behalf, and I have found such a one in you.
You are My chosen one! I have selected you to be My child, to fellowship with Me and to bring Me pleasure.
I would that My house be filled with sons and daughters. Go and be who you are! Walk as a living epistle, so that others may know Me through you, through your success, your peace, your calm assurance of who you are - a child of the King. Yes, you are that living epistle that I desire. In this way shall you draw others to Me.
My child, I desire that you lack nothing and you shall not want. For I am the Good Shepherd. I take care of My sheep. Rely on Me as the sheep rely on their shepherd. Let Me do it for you. Release your cares on Me. Look to Me for the answers! Seek first My Kingdom and all other things shall be added unto you. Be led by My Spirit, for this is how you are led.
Never make a decision without first consulting Me. I will lead you and guide you by My Spirit. You shall know My voice, because you fellowship with Me in My Word. Keep the lines of communication open always, and you will never be doubtful when you hear My voice. I am pleased with you, My child. Yes, I am pleased.
I am here with you now. I am always with you. I am your provision. I am your compassion. I am your wisdom. I am your intercessor. I am ALWAYS (my caps) on time. I am ready to do some mighty things in your life. I have always been ready. You were not prepared to receive them. Receive now the fullness of your inheritance, as a joint-heir with My Son.
Hold close to Me. Keep your focus single. Do not waver. Be single-minded. Be God-minded. Remember, you have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain; that whatsoever you shall ask Me in Jesus' name, it shall be given to you (John 15:16)
Love God"
So, as we go about our day today, may we remember our One purpose...erin lee (sorry if this was a little long!)

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 5:39 PM CDT

so this is my what second or third message of the day? i have the coolest story of icky stuff to tell. (mommy really thinks i'm crazy). so they opened me back up, and are determined to get me cleaned out...here is what they are doing. they have some gauze bandages that they stuff in me - like a turkey - and they change it 2 times a day. this is supposed to help suck out all the icky stuff. plus, my antibiotic will help me fight all the naughty infections going on. i can't wait to show daddy tonight. i hear when he gets cut, he likes to show his insides too and not go to the dr. (but mommy makes him). anyway. my pressure is now down to a 6 on my vent and aside from my little "step back" today, i look good. if anything changes later on this evening, i'll let you know. mommy told me to make sure i tell you again to pray pray pray. pray that this infection will be zapped away. pray my fluid retention continues to go down. pray that i can be extubated soon. and pray that our eyes continue to be fixed on Jesus. sometimes we lose our way and think we can do it on our own. but then we get that gentle reminder...there is no other way.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 10:28 AM CDT

does anyone else feel like they are on a rollercoaster out there? sheesh...you'd think mom and dad would just check me into an amusement park! this morning surgery came up to examine my belly and weren't real impressed with what they saw. so, wanting to take a closer look they've decided to open me back up again. i guess they don't appreciate pinkish puss coming from an incission. who knew? anyway, pray that maybe this will be the end to my poking and proding. i know i keep asking for that...but one of these times it's gonna work! my nurse said i was being a little agitated this morning. couldn't figure out why. you would think with two iv's in my arms, and art line in my leg, a tube down my throat, an ostomy on my side and surgeons poking at my pussing incission, i would be the happiest boy in the NICU! (okay, i'm being a little sarcastic...sorry). they told me they were going to give me some more drugs. good sedation tactic while they examine my belly. i am very grateful that they are all watching out for me up here...i tell ya though, i'm getting ready to be done and i really want to go to that place they call home. mommy says she is excited, but as the time is drawing near she's a little nervous. (okay, she's a lot nervous). she said she's never had to take care of a preemie before (or an ostomy) and is not sure she is the right person for the job. anyway, i told her that she and daddy were really all i ever wanted and just as her request for 4 weeks early was misinterpreted by me to be 4 months early, my request to her for just her and daddy was misinterpreted to be the whole NICU staff plus some. :) i am so glad they are here, though. anyway, i'll update you more later but for now ttfn from the rochester neonatal intensive care unit. (say that 5 times really fast!) lil' wren

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 10:37 PM CDT

know that your faithful prayers are being heard by His Almighty ears and heart. wren has had a wonderful day today, and we will take it as it continues to come! they turned him down to a peep of 7 on his vent, and are hoping to extubate him tomorrow...back to the c-pap cap. i had a blissful time washing his hair tonight and stimulating the bejeebees out of his little folicles. he loved it. no kidding. he was awake from about 7:30 to at least 9:00 when i left. sating perfectly and sitting at about 50xygen. his endema is looking a lot better as is that funny looking bruise on his arm. his tummy is still full, and actually was pussing a little tonight, but he is on the best antibiotic so they are not too worried. they will continue to keep their eyes on it. they are also hoping to start feeding him again tomorrow. his ostomy looks great. and he gets good "output" from it. when i walked into the room today, you could see the bag was blown up like a balloon from all the gas he is emmitting. silly boy :) please continue to pray for this little one. i'm tellin' you guys this boy is as tough as nails, but still fully relies on your prayers. of course :) we love you all and once again cannot say enough thanks for the support and love you have given to our family. this will be written in the history of our lives and minds...never to be forgotten. thank you! (i think wren will be up to writing tomorrow...for now, he's resting.) oh, and p.s. check out his new chub pictures in the photo album.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 3:02 PM CDT

well well well, i am kind of starting to feel a little better. i had an interesting couple of days. the dr.s decided to change over my antibiotic to a different one that starts with a z. don't ask me...i don't know what it's called. they lost me at verset. which even that i don't know how to spell. anyway, my tummy was getting a little red and irritated and they thought i might be trying to brew something up in there that shouldn't be, so this new medicine covers a very wide spectrum of bugs. only (here is the amazing balance dr.'s have to keep) they don't want me on it too long, for if it wipes out too much bacteria, i can get sick with something else. isn't that the pits? so they have to time me just right. pray for that. they have tried on and off this weekend to bring my pressures down, but my lungs are still retaining fluid so they have always ended up going back up to 10. they tried again today, and as far as i know i am still at a 9. my ostomy looks good. i am getting a lot of stool and gas coming out of it. i tell ya, i feel all boy up here. i am also still putting out a pretty good urine output. but pray that that ever increases because yes, i am still puffy. good grief...you'd think i was a marshmellow. mommy says she'd like to eat me up like one. but for now she can still only touch my head. i have a bruise on my right arm that they are unsure of. it looks like it is getting a little better, but it is still there...so maybe pray that it just disappears or something. i have an iv in both arms now and an art line in my right leg. my left leg iv pooped out so i got that removed...whew...but then they just put it right back in in my left arm...pooey. i tell ya though. i beat these lines once, i can do it again! thank you for keepin' up with me. soon...very soon. my time is almost here to go home. let's get this train goin! love you all... lil' wren

Saturday, July 26, 2003 10:51 AM CDT

please pray for my fluid retention to go down tonight...that's all :) oh, and check out my cool surgery pictures on my photo page! it's definately a boy thing.

Friday, July 25, 2003 1:55 PM CDT

okay, you all have waited long enough. i had my surgery this morning. mommy actually RAN to the hospital to catch me before they brought me down. she said her heart hurt because she had not moved that fast in a long time. :) well, i got in around 8:00. mommy got to hold me for about a 1/2 hour before hand. the surgery lasted form about 8:30 to around 11:30 or so. this is what they found. (i would draw a picture of it, if i could). from what i understand i was pretty messed up inside. my lower intestine was curled around and my upper intestine was attatched to the outside of that and then there was another hole in there. i also had a lot of scar tissue. so dr. moyer ended up cutting out a chunk of intestine where it was scarred and twisted. they ended up doing an iliastomy (i really don't know how to spell that). this is where they take the two ends of the intestines (where they are cut) and attatch them to the outside. so my intestines are actually hanging out of my side (just the tips of them). how cool and boyee is that? they will be like this for a while. probably until after i go home. then i will come back when i am bigger and stronger and get them reattatched. for now i feel so good and mommy says i look really good! i will be intubated probably for today and tomorrow. and they will not start my feeds again until at least next week, if not longer. they want to give me a good chance to heal up and give my digestive track a little time to adjust and rest. but i will be getting tpn's and vitamins and sugar water and all the other good stuff. (not real nutritional, but they are doing the absolute best that they can). they are so good up here and take such good care of me. mommy says it's going to be hard to ever leave me with a babysitter after i've stayed here for so long! :) anyway, pray for my speedy recovery and that God continues to keep me safe from infections and that all heals up the way it should. love you all and i'll write more later. oh, and mommy says it feels like a HUGE weight has been lifted off of her shoulders. whatever that means. she never told me she was a weight lifter. feelin' good...lil' wren

Thursday, July 24, 2003 11:50 PM CDT

okay, so as you all anxiously await my report...i have none yet! i love suspense. don't all boys? i am actually number 1 on the list tomorrow morning, so for SURE i will be in surgery by 8:00 a.m. but hopefully it will be more like 7:30. they've got me all content tonight and have a game plan for getting me prepped bright and early. mommy is going to come to the hospital early in the morning, and emma and daddy will join her a little later. they are not sure how long it will take, because they don't know exactly what they will find when they "open me up". doesn't that sound so tough and cool? i can tell my wife someday that i was opened up. and of course as daddy says, chicks dig scars, so i should have the prettiest chick of all! so, obviously you know my request from you tonight and tomorrow morning. and here we go...mommy daddy emma and me with our One and Only needed parachute. (good story chris!) oh, and by the way, i am now a t.v. star. they did a news report on me and mommy and daddy and em tonight on the 9:00 news. i looked so handsome. love you all and have a good night. lil' wren.

Thursday, July 24, 2003 4:27 AM CDT

*A quick update addition...it sounds like wren will be going to surgery today for his tummy. the surgeon feels there is no other way to get rid of the blockage. pray for safety and wisdome, and we'll let you know when he is out :) Praise God for the healing that He is doing in wren! thank you for your support. *


so, i am still waiting for my surgeons to come up. it has been since tuesday morning and the wait seems to be getting long. i think it is pushing mommy and daddy to their maximum patience level (at least that's what mommy calls it). but then mommy told me about when she was praying tonight, and then i said, "well, i suppose i can wait just a little longer." she said that as she started out praying, she was completely frustrated and anxietous. her tummy hurt and her head was whirling with all the worries of me. (i told her maybe she just ate something bad). as she began her prayer with all the supplications of my healing and "getting surgery up there right away", God began revealing other mommies and daddies around her and their prayers too. there was a mommy next to her praying for her little girl who was hanging on the edge because of cancer, and the surgery she had today (that made me wait) was one that could help save her life. there was a daddy next to her praying for his little one who needed to have surgery on his heart because it was not working quite right. next to him was a mommy and a daddy who just found out their baby girl would need a kidney transplant. and now are on the list because their baby was seen today. to mommy's right and to her left she could see other mommy's and daddy's praying and wondering...then she looked at me lying at the feet of Jesus where she had placed me the day i was born. (sometimes i know she picks me up and takes me back, but then by the end of the day when she's tired and realizes how heavy the burden is, i always end up back here at His feet.) she picked me up and said, "wren, i know your tummy hurts, and i know all that you have been through. there is not a day that goes by when i don't wish i had the power to make you all better. and don't you ever think that your daddy and i wouldn't do anything to help you. Anything. as i look to my left and to my right and i see all the other mommies and daddies and little girls and boys, i also see some who don't know Jesus. i see some who are lost in their grief and don't know where to turn. i see some who have been waiting even longer than 3 days for an answer as to why their little one is sick; so, here i stand with you before Jesus knowing that you and i do know. we know that He keeps you in His hand. we know the feeling of His everlasting peace. and we know it is only He who causes the sun to rise and set, and the stars to span the heavens. and i know He will never let you go. so as your mommy it takes everything within me to not worry, and to not rant and rave, and to trust not only the dr.'s and nurses, but to trust our Lord and His hand in all of this. so tonight, i pray that your surgeon gets a good night sleep so that tomorrow when he comes to look at you he will be refreshed, and will have had the chance to kiss his own little ones to sleep. i pray that God will keep you safe, upholding you with His right hand and covering you with His left. I pray that He will command His angels to have charge over you. to span their wings out in protection and to keep the flame burning all night with their swords drawn. i pray the blood of Jesus over the doorway to your room so that all who enter are covered with His heavenly peace and purity. i pray for all of your nurses. that each one would be safe as they travel back and forth from their homes and their babies. that they would be protected from any viruses or colds or infections. i pray for your dr.'s that they would have the utmost wisdom concerning you from our most High God. and i pray for your surgeon. i pray that he rests easy tonight knowing that he is doing all he can for these little ones. there are so many who need to be seen by him, and he is only one. may he never feel burdened or guilty when his day is done, and there are still so many more. God has given him an amazing gift to touch and heal oh so many babies. and wren your turn will come too. but for now, i will once again place you not only at the feet of your heavenly Father, but i place you in His arms. you are safe here. i will tell you a promise that i know will never be broken. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will be with you always - even in these low tummy ache valleys. if we call on Him, He will give us rest. here you are my baby, back in Jesus' arms. rest tonight. just rest." and when she was done praying, she said she felt much better, and you know what? i feel better too. my tummy still hurts, but i am so glad that my mommy and daddy know Jesus, and they leave me with Him. good night (ummm, morning) to all of you. keep praying... lil' wren

Wednesday, July 23, 2003 7:48 PM CDT

i know this is a quick and not very informative update, but i know you all are curious as to what my status is...they are currently holding my feedings. (since around 4 this morning or so). my belly is very very full, but they still don't think that it is anything to be too worried about. i am waiting for my surgeon to come up and look at it to see what he thinks should be done. they think there might be some stool pooling in the fistula area. this could be a set up for infection so they want it to be moved through as soon as possible. they are giving me some medication that helps get your stuff goin'. so hopefully this will work. i have an iv again to help give me the sugar water and liquid that i need. it will come out again as soon as i start eating. i am up to a 6 on my c-pap because my belly is so full. it pushes up on my diaphram and well you know how well you can breathe when you are full. this is helping my lungs expand a little more. so, anyway...i'll give you more of an update as soon as i know. but just pray. you know :)

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 9:07 PM CDT

Jesus whispered in my ear today...
"wren, these are my promises to you." "I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5; I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4; I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10; I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. Genesis 28:15; I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Isaiah 49:16; I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people. Leviticus 26:12" "Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you...plans to give you hope and a future. He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I am the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth...those who hope in Me will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. I am with you, I am mighty to save. I will take great delight in you. I will quiet you with my love. I will rejoice over you with singing. I am your hiding place, I will protect you from trouble and surround you with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. I love you, my lil' wren." (Proverbs 16:3; Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 91:1; Isaiah 40:28, 31; Jeremiah 33:3; Zephaniah 3:17; Psalm 32:7,8; ) "wren, you are my songbird. cast all your cares and burdens on Me and I will sustain you. I will never let you fall, for you are my righteous son." as Jesus continues to whisper in my ear, I can feel the love. the love from Him my heavenly Father, and the love from every one of you who lifts me up before Him every moment of every day. oh to be a servant of the most High God. I can only dream of the day when God will use me even more fully than He is now. for i know that He only increases as time goes by. no one has forced any one of you to take me into your hearts, yet, by God's grace each one of you felt called to hold me close. to pray often. and to watch over my mommy and daddy and sister. this is a gift that we will never be able to repay. as cards of love keep pouring in, mommy and daddy's hearts become ever more softened to the needs of others around them, realizing that others are caring for their needs. thank you all more than i can say. you are blessed among people for the love you've shown and given.
now for an update on me...the surgeons were supposed to come by today, and they have not yet. they are going to look at my belly and see what can be done. they think there is a partial obstruction in the area where the fistula is. normally on an adult they could just xnay on the food for a few days and give plenty of fluids. on a 3 lb. 8 oz. baby it is a little different story. we'll see what happens. pray that God's healing hand would clear me out from top to bottom. and that my lungs will be freed up to expand, and that my intestines will be clear of any blockage. these are my main concerns. i am around 52% oxygen or so. so it is not terribly bad, but i can do better. i know it. i'll give you an update tomorrow morning as soon as i know more. good night to all and sleep tight. lil' wren

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 0:18 AM CDT

"Do not spoil what you have, by desiring that which you have not; remember what you now have was once among the things only hoped for."...i think i got that quote right - just don't ask me who quoted it 'cuz i'm not really sure. i came across this in a forward today, and it seemed that mommy needed to hear it. it is so true that when you have someone on your mind...without a doubt that is the Lord talking to you. i just say that because it happens everytime that words of encouragement, the right words of encouragement come just when they are needed for mommy and daddy. i was having just a really bad day today. i was not feeling good, and nobody knew why. when mommy and emma came to visit me this morning i was at 75% oxygen. ummm...that's really high. i was a bit lathargic, and just not myself. so they sent me down to g.i. and another place and put some contrast dye in my bottom (no, that didn't feel good), and took some more pictures of my belly. during an xray this morning they thought they saw some stuff pooling in my belly in the exact same place where my fistula was. and with me not acting quite right, they had to check to make sure nothing was going on. i probably won't have an official report until tomorrow morning, but for now they don't see anything that's alarming. so, anyway, i think mommy was a little sad when she left. and i had to remind her that i'm here and God is taking care of me through EVERYTHING! i had to tell her that desiring for me to be a full term, kickin' baby boy was silly because i'm here now, and it's just how God intended it to be. and look at me! i'm incredible. i said, "mama, don't you remember how long it took for you to get pregnant with me? now, look! i'm here! and i am 3 lbs. and 8 oz. and i am a true miracle of God. who could ask for more? i was once among the things you only hoped for, and now here i am. God heard your prayers then, and He certainly hears them now." she said, "wren, how did you get to be so smart for such a little boy?" "simple" i said, "i just allow God to work through me instead of me working for God." (yes, i thought that one up on my own!) so anyway, mommy called me tonight to say goodnight, and as she was talking to nurse amy she was looking at my older sister laying in her lap. she looked up at mommy and smiled and closed her eyes and fell asleep. and mommy said..."yes, this is what life is about." children truly are a gift from the Lord, and if the only thing mommy and daddy ever had in life was me and emma...i know they would be completely satisfied. how amazing that God trusts my crazy parents with me and em! i mean He has given them the gift of life - quite literally. well, anyway, i am feeling a bit better tonight, but i could still really use your prayers. there is nothing like being in the midst of a ton of prayers...no matter how old or young you are. i love you all and think of you often. thank you. thank you for caring for me...lil' wren

Monday, July 21, 2003 8:17 AM CDT

a little birdie told me that this was a favorite background and print. (i agree it is a little easier to read...although mommy says jelly beans are nummier) anyway - i am still pretty puffy. so that is my one prayer request is that my fluid retention would go down. i also got a blood transfusion yesterday. my hematocrit was down to about 31. that's starting to get a little on the low side. not too bad though. i'm still ranging in the 50% oxygen area. but i did get my shots on saturday, and i'm feeling a bit of a reprocussion on that. (ooh - mommy needs to buy me a dictionary so i can look up all my hard spelling words). i know this is a short one, but i'll write more later. oh, i am at about 3 lbs. 6 oz. (but i think a lot of it is still "water weight") keep praying for my lungs and my tummy. love you all - lil' wren

Sunday, July 20, 2003 1:31 PM CDT

just a real quick update because i am oh so tired! my nurses must know that i love going for rides because i got to go on yet another one! i moved down the hall to the "big boy room". this is kind of the room where the baby's go before they get to go home. although, technically i'm really here to balance out the nursing staff. i still get my own private room, but i feel so old! i got my immunizations on saturday. k-mommy never told me about those! what was that all about? i was so nicely laying here. then nurse linda came in and gave me a treat of some sugar water and the next thing i know i feel this pokey thing in my leg. i told them what i thought about it, but they must have mistaken what i said because after the first poke, i got 3 more! i really need to learn how to communicate better. oh well. i also convinced them that i wanted some lasex yesterday. i was starting to feel like the state puff marshmellow man. (mommy says i resemble him very closely). so, hopefully this will boost me enough so that my other diuretics can catch up and keep me on top of things. pray that that is the case. my other big news is that i am now on a big boy k-cycle feeding. this is where they will feed me 13 1/2 cc's per hour for 3 hours and then give my tummy a break. i'm gettin' closer to how the big boys eat. (mommy says i have to say boys because as a girl she tends to eat more like my old way...constantly every hour.) Girls! so, anyway...God bless you all and i should have a new weight tonight. pray that i'm packin it on. love lil' wren

Friday, July 18, 2003 8:44 AM CDT

my big ol' update. here's the scoop. where to begin, i don't know. (actually there is not that much, but a lil' boy's mind can easily get lost in all the details.) first of all, i have another eye exam this morning. prayers in accordance with a good report - which would read something like this, "eyes maturity looks good in comparison to fetal age. vessels and stems are attatching the way they should be, and are not pulling away where they shouldn't be." only write it in dr.'s terms and it will be more realistic. secondly my "o's" (affectionately refering to my oxygen levels) they have been a little higher than normal - between 40-50%. (my "normal" was around 35% or so). anyway, this is not to be a worry, though. there is a good explanation for most everything around here! i have a bit of endema (swelling...retained fluid...puffiness...etc.etc) which in turn also can mean a little fluid in the lungs. i am on 2 diuretics. one called diural and one called aldactone (please don't quote me on spellings). these both are mild diuretics in comparison with say a lasex. (which happens to work very fast if given). the problem...well okay, a couple of problems, with lasex is one - it pulls calcium out of my bones. and seeing as how my bones are a little washed out to begin with, they think that pulling more out is probably not a very good idea. two when the calcium is pulled out, obviously it is then put into the urine stream (the whole purpose of a diuretic) and then flushed through my system. well, while traveling through my system it of course runs through the kidneys where, you guessed it, deposits of calcium can accumulate. now in a big person like mommy or daddy this can lead to kidney stones. (ouch). most likely in a little guy like me, the effect is more of a lining of the kidney with the calcium. if i were to get a stone, most likely i would be unsymptomatic. so, anyway, in june the dr.'s were doing an xray of my tummy for something else, and ran across the fact that i do, already, have some calcium deposits in my kidney. don't worry, it's not serious - they just don't want any more in there. okay the next return is my fat intake and my blood (don't worry, this will all come together in the end). they were just a little concerned (not too bad) about my weight gain, and wanted to "optimize" it to its full potential. now they are adding somewhat of a protein mix to my mommy's milk. (after she gets it out). this will enhance my growing...but wait! there's more! my blood levels of protein obviously could be higher. so as my body absorbs this protein mix into the blood stream that will in turn start to pull the extra fluid from my tissues. have you ever heard of anything so crazy? things you learn in the NICU. so here is the jist. they could take the quick fix and give me the lasex and have the side effect of lower calcium levels in my bones, and kidney deposits but have an almost immediate return on lowering the oxygen level; or they can do their smart slow and steady...and with the combination of my two lesser diuretics and the protein increase - i should, hopefully over the course of the next week, be able to get that fluid retention down, and in turn my oxygen levels will most likely come down and in turn my ventilation pressure should come down, and soon i'll be on a nasal canula. oh, and that's another thing. i am a very big boy, and doing very good. the c-pap is actually my friend right now. aside from the beating up of my nose. it is helping my lungs stretch and grow with the pressure of 5. now they could probably turn it down, and i would probably do all right, but in the long run my lungs probably would not be fully developed because of the lack of expansion. so, for now mommy and i talked and agreed that for the long runs sake staying on at a higher pressure is a good idea. a common things in preemies is asthma. i'm not by any means claiming that for my life because i know (by personal experience) that my Jesus can heal anything. but...that doesn't mean that i don't listen to my dr.'s and do everything i can to make my performance in life optimum! so, did i get everything? does it all make sense? if you have any questions you can call my dr. derleth at home (just kidding dr. derleth). he's so smart. really i don't know how his head doesn't explode with knowledge. i overheard him telling mommy that he went to lots and lots and lots of school. hmmmm, maybe i'll be a dr. someday. k-love you all and pray in whatever way God leads you to. even if it isn't directly for me. say if you wanted to pray that God would ever increase in mommy and daddy's lives so that they could be used more for Him. something like that is cool too! :) lil' wren

Thursday, July 17, 2003 7:08 AM CDT

1510 grams. you know what that means? it means i now have 2 of the 3 requirements fulfilled for nursing. (mommy says 2 out of 3 aint bad for a 3lb. 5 oz. baby boy.) now i just have to get off of this c-pap. so specific prayer request for me...strengthen my lungs so that i can take in all the oxygen and air i need so that i can start nursing :)
other than that, it seems my entries are few and far between because, praise God, not a whole lot changes with me on a daily basis! i am a little "puffy" right now. retaining some fluid. (mommy also says women get that for oh so many different reasons, but especially when they carry little ones, like me!) but i am still tolerating my feeds at 9 cc's per hour. so, other than that...oh, and my other big news is i have once again graduated a diaper size. i am now in the big boy, brand name, designer diapers! look real close at my new picture in the photo album, and you'll see the cute pictures on it. mommy nearly jumped out of her shoes when she saw. silly mommy. i guess my nurse thought it was pretty funny though, 'cuz she passed the word on about how excited mommy was for the designer diapers. anyway...mommy said she's been thumbing through a book called "The Children's Book of Virtues" edited by william j. bennett. she told me she found a "want ad" that appeared in the early part of this century. this is a call for all us young men out there. wow! can you believe this was a "norm" at one time? (as it should be). by Frank Crane and he writes...
WANTED-A boy who stands straight, sits straight, acts straight and talks straight; A boy whose fingernails are not in mourning, whose ears are clean, whose shoes are polished, whose clothes are brushed, whose hair is combed, and whose teeth are well cared for; A boy who listens carefully when he is spoken to, who asks questions when he does not understand, and does not ask questions about things that are none of his business;
A boy who moves quickly and makes as little noise about it as possible; A boy who whistles in the street, but does not whistle where he ought to keep still; A boy who looks cheerful, has a ready smile for everybody, and never sulks; A boy who is polite to every man and respectful to every woman and girl; A boy who does not smoke cigarettes and has no desire to learn how; A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang; A boy who neither bullies other boys nor allows other boys to bully him; A boy who, when he does not know a thing, says, "I don't know," and when he has made a mistake says, "I'm sorry," and when he is asked to do a thing says, "I'll try"; A boy who looks you right in the eye and tells the truth every time; A boy who is eager to read good books; A boy who would rather put in his spare time at the YMCA gymnasium than gamble for pennies in a back room; A boy who does not want to be "smart" or in any wise to attract attention; A boy who would rather lose his job or be expelled from school than tell a lie or be a cad; A boy whom other boys like; A boy who is at ease in the company of girls; A boy who is not sorry for himself, and not forever thinking and talking about himself; A boy who is friendly with his mother; and more intimate with her than anyone else; (well, maybe with his daddy is good - mommy's addition) A boy who makes you feel good when he is around; A boy who is not goody-goody, a prig, or a little pharisee, but just healthy, happy, and full of life. This boy is wanted everywhere. The family wants him, the school wants him, the office wants him, the boys want him, the girls want him, all creation, wants him.
mommy says that is a very high standard for boys today, and an even higher stantard for their parents - but that the world needs good men to be raised for the future of our country. daddy says i just need to work on getting off of my oxygen so i can come home. anyway, when mommy told me all those things about boys, i thought i would pass it along so you could see how much times have changed since the turn of the last century. just for the fact that mommy laughed and thought it bizarre that so many expectations could be placed on the male gender...what once was a given expectation has now become an attribute (or many attributes) to be prized. go figure. what do you think?... keep vigil in your prayers, and may God be your peace and endurance throughout today. love lil' (big) wren

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 9:48 PM CDT

i just wanted to say goodnight to everyone, and i love you all and think of you all the time. due to your constant prayers on my behalf and God's faithfulness to you and to me, i can be called a child of the most high God! (mommy told me to the faithful God shows Himself faithful). that means all of you. i can't wait to meet everyone. but for now i'll just lavish in the tender care of all my nurses. they really are amazing and spectacular and all of the things you would want in a nurse. mommy sometimes calls them extremely "glorified" babysitters. but that doesn't even do them justice. they are so much more than you could ever imagine. mommy says when she can't be with me during the day because my big sister is in town, she doesn't carry a single burden with her knowing that i am in the best of hands. (although she'll readily admit that she misses me more than her stomach can bare.) so thank you to all the pray-ers, thank you to all the nurses, and thank you to all the wise and wonderful dr.'s that make this journey so much more meaningful for mommy and daddy. they have no words to express their thanks; you are all magnificent and wonderful. but especially thanks to my GREAT BIG JESUS. (for i know in my little heart that He has orchestrated everything down to even the big boy bed that i am laying on tonight...He told me His hand is on the sparrow). good night- lil' wren

Monday, July 14, 2003 1:27 PM CDT

hee hee. i just love having nothing on my face when i get the chance. i will have some wonderfully cute bath pictures updated in the photo book later. i am having a good day today. mommy came in and saw me this morning. boy did she miss me...she just kept talking and hugging and blabbing about different stuff. but i guess i kind of like the sound of her voice, so i didn't mind so much. (but don't tell her i can't understand what she is saying yet - it might hurt her feelings) i have prooven my toughness now that i am in my big boy crib! my room looks somewhat like a shrine now, and i think it is absolutely the bomb being able to show off how big (little) i look in my crib. i am still at a c-pap pressure of 5 and usually sit around 40% oxygen. except when mommy is here than i go down to 35 or so. i weigh 1400 grams as of lastnight! mommy said she could tell a difference when she held me today. (it equals around 3 lbs. and 1 1/2 oz.) once i am 1500 grams, 32 weeks gestation, (i'm 34 right now) and off of my c-pap, i get to start nursing (from what i hear). mommy gets giddy about this. me? i have no clue what it even is. it must be good though. everyone keeps making a big fuss about it. well, i hope you all have a good day, and check in with me tonight to see my oh so cute big boy bath pictures! (i was completely emersed in a plastic "tub"). it almost felt like mommy's tummy again. love lil' wren

Saturday, July 12, 2003 9:02 PM CDT

i just needed to give you all a quick update 'cuz i have not in a few days! i am now sleeping in an isolette. such a nice quiet place to be :) only big boys get to be in these - mommy says. but my nurses say because i am such a big boy i won't be in here for long. once i pack on a few more pounds, i'll get to move to a big boy bed. (i have to learn to regulate my body temperature first). anyway, that's about all that is new. i am now at a pressure of 5 on my c-pap. the past couple of days i've had a few "spells" (nothing serious), but my dr. thinks that it is probably due to me outgrowing my caffiene dose and also when you go from a pressure of 6 to a pressure of 5, it doesn't keep your airways open anymore. so now i have to work a little more to get that air pumping through. my body has noticed the change. anyway, pray that Jesus breathes His awesome air into my lungs and strengthens those muscles! i love you all and i so love feeling the prayers that you continue to send up for me. God bless you all and goodnight! lil' wren

Thursday, July 10, 2003 10:31 AM CDT

i just know all of you will be so happy to hear my news! i am now officially over 3 lbs. can you believe it? i am getting to be such a big boy. news number 2! they have, once again, taken my iv out of my foot so i am, once again, line free. (except for the c-pap). news number 3. (this is the BIG one)...they have now taken the drain out of my abdomen (my penrose) and are allowing the site to close up. when i went for my little drive the other day, they took a picture of my belly with a dye in it to see where the hole is (was). i think i told you that it was in or near the colon. mommy actually saw the pitures, and you would not believe how perfectly the fistula (spelling?) made its way out. dr. moyer said that i looked really good and that he didn't think they were going to have to do any surgery for my intestines...ever! can we say Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have also had a really good week this week on my oxygen. i tend to stay around 30-35% when i'm happy (a little more if i get mad). and i'm at a c-pap pressure setting of 6. i am so thankful for your prayers. there is no God greater than ours, and i feel blessed to have Him as my own. mommy and daddy and emma are going to be in mankato this weekend. they have the honor of being on the worship team, and are also going to take my big sister to the fun day's parade...emma said i'll like them when i get older. next year :) i hope you all have a wonderful day and keep praying (of course!). love and kisses - lil' wren

Tuesday, July 8, 2003 9:50 AM CDT

A message of thankfulness and trust. Probably two of the hardest concepts to hold in our hearts. Once again I am amazed by the trials I do NOT have to face. It seems about once every week or two i hit a day where everything becomes very "worldly" to me. It usually comes right before or right after God is going to teach, or God has taught me something. So yesterday was a very obvious day for me to sweep back into my old habits of relying not on God for strength, but on myself. It was only after I had taken a break from visiting Wren that i wandered around the hospital. I think when you are faced with a trial, you find yourself memorizing every detail of the circumstances around you. I don't know if it is so you'll remember - forever, or if you just come to realize that there is more to the world than you knew before. I decided to go and visit St. Mary's chapel. What a beautiful place to pray. On my way over I passed the rehabilitation center, the Pediatrics ICU, people of all different ages, sizes, colors, shapes, some in wheelchairs, some with IV's, some with family and some without. I passed a room where you could donate blood, a ward for people with brain injuries, and emergency unit with pylons of beds made up for the ambulences, a psychiatric ward, and finally the elevator that led up to the sanctuary. Now, i could tell you all of the thoughts that crossed my mind as i passed each individual place, but maybe more beneficial to you would be for you to take an imaginary walk down the hallway. As you pass each door, think about the people. Think about the staff that cares for the people. Think about the families tied to those who are in need, and then the people they are connected with. Think about where you are at in life, and then think about the struggle others have to face. I gaurentee you that no matter where you are at, no matter what struggle you are faced with today...you will find something in your life to be thankful for. Probably more than you realize. My love for the epistles has just been rekindled - not surprisingly. In I Thessalonians 5 stating at verse 12. "but we request of you, brethern, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction, and that you esteem those very highly in love because of their work. Live in PEACE with one another. And we urge you, brethern, admonish the unruly, encourage the faithearted, help the weak, be PATIENT with ALL MEN. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but ALWAYS seek after that which is good for one another and for all men. Rejoice ALWAYS; pray WITHOUT CEASING; in EVERYTHING (did you notice it says everything?) give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus...Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." (This one I love) "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass." I don't know if you caught it or not, but I highlighted a few words that have become my mind's concience. God did not call us to glorify Him only in the nice and pleasant circumstances. No, He called us to give thanks in ALL that He's done for us. I know I've said it before, but I now realize that to trust God's word means to trust every part. I can't praise Him when all is going good and then justify my wrongful thoughts and actions when things aren't going how I (notice the I) planned them. Okay, I guess I hadn't really intended on preaching to you today...but praise God for what He has done. He is so good. He is so faithful. and He is the Lord of my life. and that, my friend, is enough for me to know. God bless you today.

Saturday, July 5, 2003 10:23 AM CDT

so, daddy is pretty sure i'm going to work with my hands someday. (so he tells me). on thursday when my nurse came in to change my feedings i was laying in bed proudly holding up the feeding tubes i had just pulled out. and then this morning nurse gloria came in to peek on me, and i was showing her the new and improved way to wear my c-pap prongs by my mouth. God gave me these good hands for a reason, and no better time to start using them then now. my nick name over here is feisty. but mommy says that little itty bitty wrens are also feisty - so i fit it perfectly. when they weighed me on wednesday, i hadn't gained any weight since saturday. but mommy had a few conclusions as to why. i still look bigger, though. i had some milk in my tummy on saturday that was thought to have contributed to my weight...now it's actually digested in my body so it's on me. then i had to stop eating for a couple of days. i was just oh so full. but that's something for you to pray about. that my tummy would keep tolerating my feedings. they had to bump me back down to 4 cc's because i was filling up to that very uncomfortable point. anyway...keep praying for my intestines. i keep pushing the penrose out - and they keep putting it back in ;) they gave me a chance and let me leave it out for a day and a night, but my belly was getting a little too full and they don't want to take any chances with me, so back in it went. that's okay though - i don't want to take any chances with me either. also keep praying for my lungs. i am getting better, but my nose is getting EXTREMELY sore from these c-pap prongs. i even get baby bloody noses from the little sores in my nose. so the quicker i can get off of these, the better! anyway. just a quick update. i hope you all had a wonderful independence day. mommy says next year i will probably not like the fireworks too much seeing as how my sister didn't start liking them until this year. but next year, i'll be out in the open and with the family to enjoy all the festivities. love you all and pray earnestly! God bless - baby wren

Thursday, July 3, 2003 9:40 AM CDT

"In Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream at night; and God said, 'Ask what you wish me to give you.'" (Solomon's Prayer) "Then Solomon said, "Thou hast shown great lovingkindness to Thy servant David my father...and now, O Lord my God, Thou hast made Thy servant king in place of my father David, yet I am but a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in...So give Thy servant an understanding heart to judge Thy people to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Thine?" (God's answer) "And it was pleasing in the sight of the Lord that solomon had asked this thing. And God said to him, "Because you have asked this thing and have not asked for yourself long life, nor have asked riches for yourself, nor have you asked for thelife of your enemies, but have asked for yourself discernment to understand justice, behold, I have done according to your words. Behold, I have given you a wise and discerning heart, so that there has been no one like you before you, nor shall one like you arise after you." "And I have also given you what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that there will not be any among the kings like you all your days." "And if you walk in My ways, keeping My statutes and commandments, as your father David walked, then I will prolong your days."
There is a man by the name of Mike Bickel who has done a full, extensive (more than 10 years), in depth, passionate and exegetical teaching on the Song of Solomon. as i was listening to one of his tapes the other day he started talking about the kisses of the Lord's mouth. King Solomon - the greatest king ever to reign - came upon this dream one night. when God came to him and said, "I will give you ANYTHNG you ask for...anything" and in return Solomon said, "Lord, give me the kisses of Your mouth. Give me Your wisdom, give me Your discernment...Lord, i want more of you and more of you is all i want." God replied,"I hoped you would say that, because that is the very thing i desire to give to you." Isn't it also so for us as parents? wives? husbands? friends? whatever the case may be. as a mother if i were to offer my kids whatever they wished...a new car, a paid tuition, an allowence, anything they desired and in return they said, "mom, all i want is to spend time with you. to know what you know. to play games with you or to go for a walk with you. to be more like you." can you imagine the honor i would feel? to have your child pick you above all else...even a long life. that makes it easier for me to imagine God smiling and saying, "Erin, that's all I've ever wanted to give to you is more of me." i don't need to beg for it, i don't have to deserve it. i don't even have to work for it...because He is my Father and bestows upon me what He deems best and nothing less than His absolute full blessings for my life. Can you feel it? i hope this heart of mine can help capture God's love for His people, His church, and you --- His bride. a statement once thought by Corrie ten Boom, "a courageous Christian woman who became a militant heroine of the anti-Nazi undergound." she writes, "Childhood scenes rushed back at me out of the night, strangely close and urgent. Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work he will give us to do." i am learning more and more that this is really not about me. as a comedy relief, in the movie "2 weeks notice", there is a part where a friend of Lucy's (Sandra Bullock) is sitting on the front steps with her, hugging her after a heart break. The friend's husband sticks his head out the window and yells something like, "is everything okay?". the friend turns her head upward and yells to him, "EVERYTHING is not about YOU!" what a good reminder to me! this life is not my own, but i was bought with a price. so may God use me...fully...not just in the ways that i think is best. i don't always know, nor do i understand, but as long as i know God does then i don't have to. He'll carry my burdens for me. He'll take care of all the details and the stuff i don't know about...and in return, He'll let me reap the benefits just for allowing Him to use me. i don't know about you but that seems like a pretty good deal to me. don't you think? an analogy once again taken from someone else...but i'm not to humble to admit that there are far more wise and knowledgeable people out there than i! :) this was a part where Corrie ten Boom was questioning her father on what a sexsin was. they were on the train returning from amsterdam to Haarlem. her father was a watchmaker and would go to buy parts from suppliers. These watch parts he would stick in a suitcase for the journey back and forth. "And so, seated next to Father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, "Father, what is sexsin?" He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. "Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. "It's too heavy," I said. "Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you." And I was satisfied. More than satisfied - wonderfully at pace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions - for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping." and in closing a quote from one of Jason Upton's cd's..."I will wait for you - Jesus - You're the Sun on my horizon. All my hope is in You - Jesus - I will see You now arise." today, i pray that God touches each and every one of you where you are at. let Him carry the burdens of tomorrow and kiss you with the kisses of His mouth today. Amen.

Thursday, July 3, 2003 9:40 AM CDT

"In Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream at night; and God said, 'Ask what you wish me to give you.'" (Solomon's Prayer) "Then Solomon said, "Thou hast shown great lovingkindness to Thy servant David my father...and now, O Lord my God, Thou hast made Thy servant king in place of my father David, yet I am but a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in...So give Thy servant an understanding heart to judge Thy people to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Thine?" (God's answer) "And it was pleasing in the sight of the Lord that solomon had asked this thing. And God said to him, "Because you have asked this thing and have not asked for yourself long life, nor have asked riches for yourself, nor have you asked for thelife of your enemies, but have asked for yourself discernment to understand justice, behold, I have done according to your words. Behold, I have given you a wise and discerning heart, so that there has been no one like you before you, nor shall one like you arise after you." "And I have also given you what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that there will not be any among the kings like you all your days." "And if you walk in My ways, keeping My statutes and commandments, as your father David walked, then I will prolong your days."
There is a man by the name of Mike Bickel who has done a full, extensive (more than 10 years), in depth, passionate and exegetical teaching on the Song of Solomon. as i was listening to one of his tapes the other day he started talking about the kisses of the Lord's mouth. King Solomon - the greatest king ever to reign - came upon this dream one night. when God came to him and said, "I will give you ANYTHNG you ask for...anything" and in return Solomon said, "Lord, give me the kisses of Your mouth. Give me Your wisdom, give me Your discernment...Lord, i want more of you and more of you is all i want." God replied,"I hoped you would say that, because that is the very thing i desire to give to you." Isn't it also so for us as parents? wives? husbands? friends? whatever the case may be. as a mother if i were to offer my kids whatever they wished...a new car, a paid tuition, an allowence, anything they desired and in return they said, "mom, all i want is to spend time with you. to know what you know. to play games with you or to go for a walk with you. to be more like you." can you imagine the honor i would feel? to have your child pick you above all else...even a long life. that makes it easier for me to imagine God smiling and saying, "Erin, that's all I've ever wanted to give to you is more of me." i don't need to beg for it, i don't have to deserve it. i don't even have to work for it...because He is my Father and bestows upon me what He deems best and nothing less than His absolute full blessings for my life. Can you feel it? i hope this heart of mine can help capture God's love for His people, His church, and you --- His bride. a statement once thought by Corrie ten Boom, "a courageous Christian woman who became a militant heroine of the anti-Nazi undergound." she writes, "Childhood scenes rushed back at me out of the night, strangely close and urgent. Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work he will give us to do." i am learning more and more that this is really not about me. as a comedy relief, in the movie "2 weeks notice", there is a part where a friend of Lucy's (Sandra Bullock) is sitting on the front steps with her, hugging her after a heart break. The friend's husband sticks his head out the window and yells something like, "is everything okay?". the friend turns her head upward and yells to him, "EVERYTHING is not about YOU!" what a good reminder to me! this life is not my own, but i was bought with a price. so may God use me...fully...not just in the ways that i think is best. i don't always know, nor do i understand, but as long as i know God does then i don't have to. He'll carry my burdens for me. He'll take care of all the details and the stuff i don't know about...and in return, He'll let me reap the benefits just for allowing Him to use me. i don't know about you but that seems like a pretty good deal to me. don't you think? an analogy once again taken from someone else...but i'm not to humble to admit that there are far more wise and knowledgeable people out there than i! :) this was a part where Corrie ten Boom was questioning her father on what a sexsin was. they were on the train returning from amsterdam to Haarlem. her father was a watchmaker and would go to buy parts from suppliers. These watch parts he would stick in a suitcase for the journey back and forth. "And so, seated next to Father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, "Father, what is sexsin?" He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. "Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. "It's too heavy," I said. "Yes," he said. "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you." And I was satisfied. More than satisfied - wonderfully at pace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions - for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping." and in closing a quote from one of Jason Upton's cd's..."I will wait for you - Jesus - You're the Sun on my horizon. All my hope is in You - Jesus - I will see You now arise." today, i pray that God touches each and every one of you where you are at. let Him carry the burdens of tomorrow and kiss you with the kisses of His mouth today. Amen.

Sunday, June 29, 2003 8:15 PM CDT

oh, what to write tonight. i have had just one big ol' weekend. first of all, i got to get my picc line out of my leg and my art line out of my arm. i feel so...free! secondly, i am now eating a whoppin' 8 cc's per hour. this was my target feeding so i will hang out here for a while. i am starting to have such an affection for my dr.'s and nurses...i can't even begin to explain it. my dr. derleth has this mind like none other. he is so packed full of knowledge, and very wise about the little things (like me!). it's quite near the point of very enjoyable when he comes in and talks to mommy about me. it's like saturating my little mind with lots of dr. knowledge. (mommy says that's important if i plan to be president someday). oh wait, no that's if i plan on becoming a neonatolagist. (ummm, first i might have to learn how to spell it). anyway, and my nurses! my goodness, i think God grew an extremely special crop just for me. they are all so funny and smart and sweet. and they don't even seem to mind when i pull of my poopy bag and wipe poop all over me and my bed! (a new hobby of mine). i tell ya, these fingers can really come in handy! who knew they could grasp and pull so hard. when you are 2 lbs. and 13 1/2 oz. you feel a little like he-man. daddy says we might be celebrating a 3 lb. party before next sunday. (when i get older, he said i don't have to invite girls to my party if i don't want to). but for now, all my nurses and mommy and sister celebrate with us. mommy called me tonight and said that she had talked with so many of you today. she and daddy said they are absolutely saturated with love from everyone, and then she told me how much everyone thinks about me. especially all the little boys and girls. it seems to me that those 2 and 3 year olds really have it down. (praying and all). she said i have lots of little friends who think and pray for me everyday. (and who also remind their mommies and daddies to do the same.) i wish i could tell you all the things she tells me. the world out there sounds pretty incredible. but for now, i think i'll hang out here with all the babies and dr.'s and nurses. oh, speaking of which...a common question asked to mommy and daddy...how long will i be here? that's a very good question that nobody really knows the answer to except for me and God. but if mommy and daddy had to guess - they say possibly the middle of september. i wasn't supposed to come out until around august 20th, so developmentally they give me a couple weeks after that...then hopefully and God willing i will get to go home. i really have a bit more to say, but for now i am going to rest and dream of all of you. thank you for your prayers...i most certainly need them in the "breathing" area. pray that my lungs grow and strengthen and also pray that my tummy keeps digesting the yummy milk. oh, and of course pray for my intestines. that God would have His perfect work in them. :) i love you all....lil' wren

Friday, June 27, 2003 3:29 PM CDT

so, i am going to try to get off of my head in my next picture - fun as it is :) thank you for your prayers during the past couple of days. i was kind of tired, and i wasn't really sure why (mommy says we all might feel that way for the rest of our toddler lives :) so once again, i hear she snuck on here while i was sleeping and wrote some sort of something ;) that mommy. now let me tell you all the good news! first, i had my weigh in lastnight...a whole 2 lbs. and 12 1/2 oz. that means i'm on the other end of the 1/2 way mark to 3 lbs! yeah. i couldn't make out all of the words that the dr.'s were saying, but i thought i heard them say they hoped to have both my picc line and my arterial line out this weekend...meaning i am line free. no meds. no extra calories. and no annoying bandages on my arm and leg. oh, that would feel oh so nice. my pressures are up a little on my vent machine, but that was because they kind of figured out that i was weaning too fast off of my hydrochordizone and diuretics and i built up a little fluid in my lungs and body. but now i am doing better. i range between 30-50% on my oxygen levels, and seem to do pretty well with that. oh and for some reason everyone was getting all excited that i am actually pooping out my rectum a little. most of it comes out of my penrose still, but hey a boys gotta do what a boys gotta do. so after i had my hard days, and mommy had her hard days, and we all just had hard days together, we reconviened and chatted. i told mommy what God had been whispering in my ear during my slump. He told me it's hard to grow in faith by living a complacent lifestyle. it's the glitches and nitches along the road that you don't expect that cause you to stumble into His arms ~ and it is here that you are lifted the highest. it is so hard to remember from a human perspective that the biggest blessings can often be hidden in the very situations that we are fleeing from...simply because they are not normal or come as an inconvenience. but viewing them from heaven's eyes...well, "it aint nuthin'" as my daddy so affectionately says. and it's almost embarrasing to admit that so often we underestimate God. mommy says that she finds herself so many times trivializing the power of the most High God ~ the One Who created the heavens and the earth and me...the very baby for whom her heart is breaking for. does she not know? has she not heard? once again i remind her that God has brought me through this neither as a means to an end nor for the outcome of the situation...but maybe for the very purpose of strengthening and encouraging her faith and the faith of others. oh, and the unity of the church in prayer. i'm pretty sure the whole world is praying for me right now - thank you to all of you who spread the word of my birth. :) if anything, the outcome will bring to mommy and daddy and emma and all of you who are with me, to a new beginning. the beginning of a more wonderful deeper and pleasing relationship with the Father...for He is my beloved, and i am His. love you all - lil' wren

Wednesday, June 25, 2003 8:39 AM CDT

so i am led to write yet another thought provoked entry. i'm not exactly sure what God wants me to write, so hopefully by the end it all makes sense. picture this...
it is night fall as i enter the driver's seat of my trusty old car (you know the wagon). as i turn the ignition key waiting for the hum of the engine i always hear, i notice a fog is setting in. i find myself in unfamiliar territory as i start out back home. the streets are twisted and winding and the fog is getting more dense as each moment passes. i realize that i cannot see more than two feet in front of my car. then i debate - "do i turn around and go back to where i came from?" or "do i press on ahead knowing that home is around one of these corners?" the fog is thick and my driving skills...well, have you ever driven with me? for a moment i am really considering the first option, so i slow down in preperation for the u-turn. then it hits me...if i slow down, i don't NEED to see more than two feet in front of me...for the road i'm on has already been laid out before me - all i need to do is follow. maybe not at the speed i like, but the pathway will get me there all the same. so, yesterday, as i was heading home from the hospital i started feeling frustrated and hurt and angry. (i think i even told God at one point that He was very nearly coming to the 'i can't handle anymore in my life' point). all these thoughts came flooding until i reached the house (ronald's house), and sought that refuge in worship. here my heart found its hiding place in praise and by the end i had found peace once again. but then the stairs came...oh, those stairs. by the time i got up to my room i still had that heart ache. so i knelt down before the Lord in prayer (okay i threw myself on the bed and cried). and everything that i was struggling with came out. i went back and forth and back and forth with the fear and hurt and anger and frustration which came pouring out in tears, slowly it all seemed to melt into praises and confession and forgiveness and intercession. and then i felt done. it was as if i hit a brick wall and i just couldn't do it anymore. but see, this is where God comes in, because maybe for the first time in my life - i felt like i had prayed and i didn't have to do it anymore. don't get me wrong, i don't doubt that God has heard my cries before; but, this was different. i wasn't hididng half of my heart and giving Him only the part i wanted to relenquish. no, i was all out laying everything down and feeling like i did not want it back! at all. maybe this taught me a little of self-control. now please don't misinterpret me. i fully believe that self-control is a fruit of the spirit and something to be highly sought after. only to control myself and not let God do the work is something entirely different. i once had a wise friend tell me, "emotions are God given. if you do not allow yourself to feel what God has put there than you might be missing out on some of what God is trying to do in you through this." at the time it was a different situation, but it seems to apply quite well to everyday life. so, through my anger...yes, even my madness, God has given me growth in knowing that He can handle it if i get a little frustrated sometimes. now, i'm not saying that if you are feeling mad to go out and do something rash...but to admit it to the Father and let Him do His perfect work in you. (this was my 21st century disclosure...i'm sure there are laws somewhere that say i need to do that ;) so, is this all making sense yet? i was re-reading through my journal the other day and came across an entry i don't remember writing. but maybe i wrote it for such a time as this because it ministered to my heart where i most needed it. so in closing...a prayer.
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14. The Lord has heard my cry. My cry for you and He has not witheld His compassion from me. His loving kindness and truth will continually preserve me. "Be pleased, oh Lord, to deliver me; make haste, oh Lord, to help me." As David cried out to the Lord over and over for deliverance from his enemies, so shall I cry out over and over for you. So that we might see the glory of God be revealed through you. That hearts may turn because of what God has done for you. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimony. Your testimony, Wren, may never be fully known ~ for all that God has brought you through. Fires that you have been kept safely from. God is good. ALL the time. May His glory dwell in our hearts and may we continually sing of His goodness with the praises of our mouths. My heart leaps for joy knowing the hope I have in Him. My heart has been softened, my eyes opened. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer. For drawing me near to your throne and to your heart. for loving me! Oh, that the God of the universe cares for me and desires my praises! Me, in all my brokeness...through Christ the Lamb who has made me whole...Who has washed me clean...I can stand before Him in worship. What a privelege. What an honour. That, in itself, is what i seek. The one thing I ask ~ that I may dwell in the courts of the Lord forever. For here my heart is satisfied. The earth, my life, everything I hold onto and find value in may and will pass away...but God is eternal. Holy is the Lord."
May God bless you through today. oh, and if you couldn't already tell, wren has had a couple of hard days. prayer is what i am seeking for him right now. in particular his lungs and intestines. i know this is quite a long entry already, so i won't go into detail. but i know you are all faithful in prayer. and for that, i am forever grateful. love always...well, you know who i am :)

Wednesday, June 25, 2003 8:38 AM CDT

just checking to see if this works!

Monday, June 23, 2003 8:01 AM CDT

yes, yes, yes, i know i'm standing on my head. it's a new trick i'm learning over here in the NICU. :) well, really the availability of cropping does not exsist on caringbridge and with my limited knowledge, going into another program to play with it is, well, suicidal. so, here i am all 2 lbs. and 9 oz. of me. yes, i grew 8 oz. last week. the nurses are all pretty proud of me up here. not to mention mommy, daddy and em, too! i am 13 and 1/4 inches long and my head is 10 1/2 in. around. so, growth wise i am doing pretty good ;) i'm sorry this is so short, but i get pretty sleepy from growing so hard so, off to a nap i go. i'll give you more of an update later...but i had to put my picture out there! love - lil' wren

Saturday, June 21, 2003 9:14 PM CDT

well whatta ya know? back to the turtles. so my consistency is a little off...skip a couple days and then do 2 on the same day. :) but i know there are those of you out there who check 4 or 5 times a day :) so this one's for you! mommy surprised me today and came over with a really nice friend! then the biggest surprise of it all was when nurse patty asked mommy if she would like to "kangaroo" me (skin on skin holding). like she would say no! so anyway patty and chris and mommy all phenagled me out of my bed and into mommy's arms. this was really quite the ordeal, but i guess i would do it all over again for the chance to be so close to mommy without any bedding or pillows in between :) i don't know who liked it more - me or mom. we both relaxed and enjoyed each other very much. then tonight, because i was being such a good boy they upped my feedings to 2 1/2 cc's. i've also been maintaining my o2 levels between 40 and 50%. they say if i can keep that up for a substantial amount of time they will drop my ventilator setting to a 7! that's where i was at on when i was intubated last sunday. your prayers are lifting me higher and higher. you know who also needs prayer? my sister. she seems to be having a bit of a harder time lately missing me and all. i don't know this for a fact yet, but i think it's also hard to share mommy and daddy and to not know where you are going to be sleeping that night. ooooh, i love her already. i just know she is going to be a great big sister to me. mommy says she talks about me all the time. well, anyway, just a night cap. also please keep praying for my immune system, and that no unwanted germs can sneak through. oh, and one more :) pray for the covenant youth as they venture down to metropolitan iowa to share God's love and kindness. we all know how many hearts there are out there to be reached! God bless and love you all very very much. tomorrow i should have a weight! love lil' wren

Saturday, June 21, 2003 8:23 AM CDT

a secret place. i know God hides me there. so, mommy and i were discussing it yesterday and she was asking me questions about my secret place. it kind of got me thinking :) do you suppose the secret place that God brings us to is different for each and every person according to their needs? i imagine God with a whole bunch of "rooms" set up in heaven. they are our hiding place. and the first thing that comes to mind for me and my sister is a huge closet where we are hiding behind papa's suits and having a special little meeting with Jesus and no one can find us there. i think of this only because emma tells me papa and grandma have the best hiding spots at their new house and the one she likes the most is in the back of papa's closet behind his suits. here she can peek at the world from safety, but feel the world can't find her. (she told me all of this) so, in my secret place, Jesus and i giggle (do boys giggle?), okay laugh, and talk, and snuggle, and think about all the wonderful things we are going to do later, and when we are ready we'll jump up and yell, "surprise, here we are!" mommy says in her secret place she doesn't feel the need to talk or worry or say anything about what's going on 'cuz God already knows. so, she just sits and rests (i think sometimes cries...'cuz girls cry A LOT)! and just knows that He can feel her heart without her having to think about what to pray about. here i know she finds peace and rest and safety. i think in daddy's secret place he and Jesus work on projects for the day and talk about what's going on as they fix the transmition of some mighty heavenly car. or maybe they are building a dresser for me?!?! all i know is that boys talk better when they are working on something else! and i am definately all boy! i will be doing my semi-weekly weigh in tonight with nurse lisa. so tomorrow we'll have some more results for you! i am lovin' my c-pap. keep praying that my pressures can keep coming down and that my lungs will keep clearing up :) the other thing to pray for is my belly. everything is going a-ok right now. the surgeons keep debating on when they'll re-hook up my intestines. they are hoping to wait until the very end before i go home. this way i'll be bigger and stronger and i'll handle surgery better. so pray that everything just remains stable and as is. i guess us preemies also have a tendency to herniate so they'll have to fix those at the end anyway (assuming i have them) and i guess i have to have what they call a "boy surgery". daddy won't tell me what it is yet because he said little ears don't need to hear that. hmmm, i wonder. anyway, love to all and i hope you enjoy the beautiful weekend. i can see a little of the sun shining through my windor, but they like to keep it dark in here mostly...okay, i like to keep it dark in here. anyway, God bless and i will write more later!

Saturday, June 21, 2003 8:23 AM CDT

a secret place. i know God hides me there. so, mommy and i were discussing it yesterday and she was asking me questions about my secret place. it kind of got me thinking :) do you suppose the secret place that God brings us to is different for each and every person according to their needs? i imagine God with a whole bunch of "rooms" set up in heaven. they are our hiding place. and the first thing that comes to mind for me and my sister is a huge closet where we are hiding behind papa's suits and having a special little meeting with Jesus and no one can find us there. i think of this only because emma tells me papa and grandma have the best hiding spots at their new house and the one she likes the most is in the back of papa's closet behind his suits. here she can peek at the world from safety, but feel the world can't find her. (she told me all of this) so, in my secret place, Jesus and i giggle (do boys giggle?), okay laugh, and talk, and snuggle, and think about all the wonderful things we are going to do later, and when we are ready we'll jump up and yell, "surprise, here we are!" mommy says in her secret place she doesn't feel the need to talk or worry or say anything about what's going on 'cuz God already knows. so, she just sits and rests (i think sometimes cries...'cuz girls cry A LOT)! and just knows that He can feel her heart without her having to think about what to pray about. here i know she finds peace and rest and safety. i think in daddy's secret place he and Jesus work on projects for the day and talk about what's going on as they fix the transmition of some mighty heavenly car. or maybe they are building a dresser for me?!?! all i know is that boys talk better when they are working on something else! and i am definately all boy! i will be doing my semi-weekly weigh in tonight with nurse lisa. so tomorrow we'll have some more results for you! i am lovin' my c-pap. keep praying that my pressures can keep coming down and that my lungs will keep clearing up :) the other thing to pray for is my belly. everything is going a-ok right now. the surgeons keep debating on when they'll re-hook up my intestines. they are hoping to wait until the very end before i go home. this way i'll be bigger and stronger and i'll handle surgery better. so pray that everything just remains stable and as is. i guess us preemies also have a tendency to herniate so they'll have to fix those at the end anyway (assuming i have them) and i guess i have to have what they call a "boy surgery". daddy won't tell me what it is yet because he said little ears don't need to hear that. hmmm, i wonder. anyway, love to all and i hope you enjoy the beautiful weekend. i can see a little of the sun shining through my windor, but they like to keep it dark in here mostly...okay, i like to keep it dark in here. anyway, God bless and i will write more later!

Thursday, June 19, 2003 11:28 PM CDT

wow...time sure keeps slipping away from me! mommy and daddy say that's okay, though. the faster the time flies, the sooner i get to come home. so, obviously, i am a really really really big boy now in my mommy's arms and all. the nurses say only big boys can be held by their mommies because there are so many things they have to watch out for. my body temperature is one of them, so even though i love my mommy and daddy's arms, i can only stay there for about an hour at the most. i get to do it at least one time a day though...as long as i'm being a "good" boy :) i hear my aunt nina is coming to see me tomorrow. i'm excited about that. she flew all the way from california to see little me! (well, that's what mommy says anyway). okay...my progress. you all can see the funny hat i get to wear now. ironically, i love it! i can grab on to the tubes and yank, and sometimes i can even get my feeding tube and air tube out. (of my mouth that is). i am a very determined little boy from what i hear. i like to help the nurses, but always at the wrong time. i put my hands up to help with the tubes, and they always push them back down. then, when i get mad for some reason all the girls (even mommy) thinks i want to hold their fingers! no! i can do it myself. i am 2 lbs. and 4 oz. now (they weighed me lastnight, wednesday)...so i have put on a whole 3 oz. since sunday. it's hard work, i know, but somebody's gotta do it. when i started out on my c-pap i was at a pressure of 14 (up from 7 when i was intubated). i am already down to a pressure of 8. i guess that's pretty good. for a big boy i mean. my tummy gets pretty gassy though, from all the air being forced in, so i get a lot of giggles from mommy and daddy when they hear "farting" sounds come out of my penrose. hey, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do! other than that, i'm just basking in everyone's prayers...which i still need a lot of...and growing growing growing. sorry it took me so long to update you. i'm working on getting a "guy" picture on of me and my dad. so...until then...may God grant you peace and favor as you pray through your day :) love you all...lil' wren

Tuesday, June 17, 2003 9:11 PM CDT

what can i say? the only thing i can liken it to is a little taste of what Simeon must have felt when holding the Christ child for the first time...

Monday, June 16, 2003 9:17 AM CDT

so...how smart do you want to become today? me? supersmart! as you have probably already seen by our family picture, i am now officially 2lbs. and 1 oz. sweet dear krystal and steph gave me a bath early early sunday morning, and then just had to know :) so, they weighed me around 1:00 a.m. and lo and behold i reached that 2 lb. mark. they printed off celebration signs and hung them up all over my room so when mommy and daddy came they could celebrate with me and not have to wait until evening! YEAH. sorry i wasn't looking at the camera in the family picture. i was oh so tired and mommy and daddy said that i should rest up for my big day. C-PAP conversion...bet you all are curious "eh"?
well...here is how it went. around 3:00 the surgeons came up and flushed my penrose to give me all the possible room in my belly to expand my lungs and get all the oxygen in that i need. after that, they gave me 2 hours to relax and let the morphine wear off before they started the extubation. mommy and daddy showed up just in time for the "tube fitting" in my nose. they got all the hoses hooked up and the hat fitted and everything all in order...and then let me adjust to that for a while. it was a busy busy day up here in the NICU. originally they were going to do the transition at around 5:30, but i got a couple of new playmates up here yesterday, one of whom also needed a c-pap. so i didn't actually get the ventilator tube in my mouth pulled out until around 7:30 or so. that's okay though...i had plenty of time to adjust. once they pulled it out i had my opportunity to "scream" and cry and yell all the things i've been wanting to say for so long. mommy was standing over me listening to my lovely voice...only i was very very horse from having the tube down my throat so not a whole lot of sound was coming out. it'll get better she says. mommy and daddy and emma stayed around for a little while and comforted me,and then had to head back to mankato for some family time. the whole time i guess mommy was wanting to call here every 10 minutes to check on me. daddy said she was crazy, and that the nurses would call if anything was going amiss. about 10:00 lastnight the phone rang and it was the nurses. daddy answered while mommy started doing laundry (cleaning is a stress coping thing with mommy i guess). all she could hear was "mmhmmm...yes...i don't know...okay..."and so on and so forth. ahhhh-drive a mommy crazy. so daddy came in and said to her, "addie (another baby up there) has a sister, right?" mommy then started thinking something happened to makaya. drive a mommy even more crazy. so,"yes, she does have a sister" daddy, "did emma play with her at all?" mommy "no, why?" (now thinking either she has some terrible illness that they might have passed on to me or that something really did happen to her). daddy, "well, i guess she has head lice" mommy, "whew...does that affect wren?" ...and on and on the conversation went. anyway, back to me...i was doing just fine lastnight. and the nurses didn't call mommy and daddy once! (well, after that). this morning sheila told me that mommy was all nervous calling...silly mommy. but i told her to tell mommy that i am doing just fine. i love my c-pap and my nuk that i can now suck on. in fact, they both make for a great hand holder :) i would love to go more and more into detail, but i know this is extremely long already so i'll save that for later! mommy says she is going to try and get some pictures on of me today. yesterday was just kind of a crazy day. anyway, i love you all and keep praying for me. i'm not quite out of the waters yet. they still have to monitor my blood gasses and make sure my body is doing what it is supposed to be doing. but so far, so good :) Praise Jesus and thank you for praying...we all know He hears us and answers us when we call. love you all...lil' wren.

Sunday, June 15, 2003 8:07 AM CDT

i know, i know...two updates in 12 hours...mommy says punctuality and consistency are two really good things in life. daddy says if your within an hour to being on time your still on time and to do the same thing twice limits creativity! :) i have two very goofy parents. but i guess they'll have to do for the next 100 years or so. God told me that one of the blessings He gives is a long life. although after being this close to Him during my NICU stay however many days He decides to give me will be ample time until i can go home and be with Him. :)
Happy Father's day to all of you daddies out there. i hope it's a good warm fishin', golfin, playin' kind of day! now for all of you today...a prayer...
"Lord Jesus, You washed the feet of Your disciples and charged us to serve with the same loving spirit...with a grateful heart, i thank You for these servants of YOurs, for a generous spirit and for fruitful labors. and i ask You to encourage and bless and care for every need. for Your glory, Lord. Amen." (Gaye Lynne La Guire). "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant." Philippians 2:5-7. Biblically standing for all of you who have taken heart and blessed me with your prayers and giving and kindness and compassion and caring thoughts and words...thank you again. mommy has been spending a lot of time at the park with emma lately. (emma says i'll love the park when i get older...it's much more fun than the hospital she told me). well, in doing so she has a lot of time to think. maybe when God created women He should have limited their thinking time to 2 hours a day. (just kidding God...i know you made them perfect). anyway she says when you have time to think you have time to get unfocused. so in her unfocused moments she ponders the what ifs and here is what she told me she came up with...which is beside the point because you and i both know that God has plans that we don't know about and can't even imagine. first one...what if she had carried me to even 27 or 30 weeks. i would still need help, but i would be much more on top of things because my development would be so much better. in fact i would probably be out of the hospital in 3 or 4 weeks. answer? then she wouldn't have had to depend on God the way she needs to now. she wouldn't have known the heart of God the way she does now. and she wouldn't have experienced the body of Christ to the magnitude she has in the past 7 weeks and now. (oh, mommy gets these thoughts 'cuz there are lots and lots and lots of pregnant women at the park!) :) next one...what if she had carried me to full term and had me at isj and got to go home in the all american 3 days? answer? then she would still be the person she was 2 months ago and would not have had the impact of growing in Christ, in her marriage, in her mothering, and in her concern for others. basically she has gone from being self-centered to being other centered (a hard one for her to admit). and she told me that sometimes she does sneak in a little self-centeredness...a folly i'm sure she'll deal with the rest of her life. she would have gone on being frustrated over the little things in life, and she would still be taking things that God has blessed her with for granted. now i don't know about you, but it seems to me that my coming early has been a pretty good thing...for what it's worth. granted she does tell me that she only cares to go through this one time in her life. next what if...(this is my timing all in God's hands...) what if this had happened to her two days or even 1 day earlier...i would not be here. and i would not have had the chance to know all of you and to go through this together... i guess i don't know if i've told you this or not but i'm a miracle. by the hair on my chinny chin chin (which looks like daddy's by the way). it's a long story, but to make it short-they don't accept babies under 23 weeks here in the rochester NICU. i was 22 weeks and 6 days. so by God's covering hand mommy and me made it all the way to rochester where i was born and then they brought me over to st. mary's and then i guess my age was debated and revealed. one of the dr.'s said that they had to have a cut off somewhere and 23 weeks was it. i guess some debate went on for a while, and here i am! this is the story i understand...who knows if i'll ever know the full truth, but that's okay 'cuz like i said - here i am. and only by 3 days am i the youngest one who will leave rochester. so what if i had gone a little longer? than i would have been over the 23 week mark, and my incredible lifes journey would have been...well, still incredible :) so one day earlier, and they wouldn't have taken me and one day later and i would have been in the "safety zone". (now doesn't that make your heart jump? mommy says hers does!) God really does have His perfect timing, His perfect plan, and His perfect way in us. He is so perfect and i love Him. so, mommy says those are her shortened version of her unfocused thoughts...trust me there are many many more. i know 'cuz she comes up here and regergetates them all to me! but in essence by the time she gets to the very end of them she comes up with how perfectly God has orchestrated my life for whatever reason and whatever purpose He has in mind. and i am indeed a miracle and am going to be used by Him no matter what! and to go through the what if's and the i wish's is silly because look at how much God has done for her. not just because of me, but also her eyes have been opened to things before me. things that make her heart grateful and all singy. anyway...thoughts for a sunday. love you all. and like i said, i hope to have pictures of me with my c-pap cap on today so pray pray pray! love lil' wren.

Saturday, June 14, 2003 9:50 PM CDT

so here is my new update...did i keep you in suspense long enough? yesterday, they put me on this mighty "high artillary" (ooh~spelling?) drug called dexamethazone. it replaced my hydrochordizone which is the steroid for my lungs. this is the one up notch. my doctors with all of their God given wisdom over here have been extremely smart and cautious with what has been administered to me. and they have an amazing team of people that includes nurses, 4 neonatoligists, surgeons, "disease" control specialists, transport nurses, respiratory specialists...and the list goes on. ALL for little me. like it has been said before...who knew i could affect so many people! so, anyway back to my drug. i will only be on this one for a max of 3 days from what i hear. they are very careful with this steroid (and always have been) due to studies and the history of the drug. basically what it will do is take the swelling down in my lungs enough for me to be able to function on the c-pap. right now i'm kind of in a round robin situation with the ventilator. the pressure that it is exumed into my lungs is causing my lungs to swell, and with my lungs swollen i need the ventilator to function...and on and on it goes! so, anyway pray that this will be the kick that gets me moving ahead. after this, i don't know that there are many more options. (but then again i am only 7 weeks old, so my knowledge is limited!) i am so grateful and so thankful to everyone who is continually supporting me. it is so nice to hear (see) all of you who daily check up on me to make sure i'm doing good. it makes my little heart LEAP with joy :) mommy and daddy say that my big sister and i are two of the most incredible people in the world (they are a little biased). and that the body of Christ is the most incredible thing to be a part of. i had this whole in depth speech to write tonight, but it's kind of fun to keep it light and factual so, i'll share that with you another time :) my numbers are looking good so far, but pray in earnest tonight over my c-pap conversion tomorrow. see, the way i figure...where two or more are gathered in His name, there He is also, and seeing as how there are 8,999 of you (well, the few that check the web that many times) out there we should be able to petition some mighty prayer power for me tonight. although, we all know that God can work just as mightily through 1 as he can through 10,000. we all know about moses and pharoh, joseph and the coat of many colors, and well look at mary and joseph and Who they bore! so just a few stories that mommy and daddy have told me. and so many more to look forward too. but in any sense, i would still take all the prayers i can get :) i once again love you all from the bottom of my heart and hopefully will have new pictures to show you tomorrow of my funny hat :) God bless and good night. love lil' wren p.s. i managed to pull my feeding tube out of my nose today while the nurse wasn't looking :) that's okay though 'cuz i don't get to eat until after my extubation tomorrow. and then my tube will go through my mouth instead of my nose :) and i thought i was in the clear!

Saturday, June 14, 2003 9:50 PM CDT

so here is my new update...did i keep you in suspense long enough? yesterday, they put me on this mighty "high artillary" (ooh~spelling?) drug called dexamethazone. it replaced my hydrochordizone which is the steroid for my lungs. this is the one up notch. my doctors with all of their God given wisdom over here have been extremely smart and cautious with what has been administered to me. and they have an amazing team of people that includes nurses, 4 neonatoligists, surgeons, "disease" control specialists, transport nurses, respiratory specialists...and the list goes on. ALL for little me. like it has been said before...who knew i could affect so many people! so, anyway back to my drug. i will only be on this one for a max of 3 days from what i hear. they are very careful with this steroid (and always have been) due to studies and the history of the drug. basically what it will do is take the swelling down in my lungs enough for me to be able to function on the c-pap. right now i'm kind of in a round robin situation with the ventilator. the pressure that it is exumed into my lungs is causing my lungs to swell, and with my lungs swollen i need the ventilator to function...and on and on it goes! so, anyway pray that this will be the kick that gets me moving ahead. after this, i don't know that there are many more options. (but then again i am only 7 weeks old, so my knowledge is limited!) i am so grateful and so thankful to everyone who is continually supporting me. it is so nice to hear (see) all of you who daily check up on me to make sure i'm doing good. it makes my little heart LEAP with joy :) mommy and daddy say that my big sister and i are two of the most incredible people in the world (they are a little biased). and that the body of Christ is the most incredible thing to be a part of. i had this whole in depth speech to write tonight, but it's kind of fun to keep it light and factual so, i'll share that with you another time :) my numbers are looking good so far, but pray in earnest tonight over my c-pap conversion tomorrow. see, the way i figure...where two or more are gathered in His name, there He is also, and seeing as how there are 8,999 of you (well, the few that check the web that many times) out there we should be able to petition some mighty prayer power for me tonight. although, we all know that God can work just as mightily through 1 as he can through 10,000. we all know about moses and pharoh, joseph and the coat of many colors, and well look at mary and joseph and Who they bore! so just a few stories that mommy and daddy have told me. and so many more to look forward too. but in any sense, i would still take all the prayers i can get :) i once again love you all from the bottom of my heart and hopefully will have new pictures to show you tomorrow of my funny hat :) God bless and good night. love lil' wren

Thursday, June 12, 2003 7:49 AM CDT

ooh...i like being gilligan (with my buddy skipper)! we're the boys in the neighborhood from what i hear. lots and lots and lots of girls around to chase and put worms in their hair. Jonah, you are going to have to show me exactly what a worm is. mommy says we could probably find some pretty neat yuckies down in the marsh, but one of our daddies has to go with us until we are much much much MUCH older. (mommy says i can go by myself when i reach my golden birthday...26?) so, yes, i am getting really really big now. mommy and daddy say it's so funny to think i look "huge" at 2 lbs. they get all giddy and excited, and i have to laugh under my cookie monster blanket at them. everytime they try and take it off of me i act all mad and stuff ~ i really just don't want them to see me laugh at them...it might hurt their feelings. i got to go for a ride last night...oooh boy stuff. that was fun. i was screaming "faster, faster"...but the nurses couldn't hear me over my ventilator. i guess my sister does the same thing to daddy when he's flying through the parking ramp. mommy rolls her eyes and says mommy stuff like, "emma! don't encourage him" and "honey, there are 1,000,000 other cars in this parking ramp" and "when we hit one of those hummers, bmw's, or audis with our honda wagon i don't think we'll be the ones who are laughing"...or the classic grab on to the handle above the door and gasp really loud so he can hear her. mommies are so funny like that. daddies, now they are soo cool! anyway...news of the week. the dr's are really fattening me up! well, actually the milk is, but they are concentrating on giving me lots of it. i'm up to 1 cc per day, or is it 1 1/2? i've lost count already. their hope is to raise me 1/2 cc everyday until i get to 7 cc's per hour. when that happens, they won't have to give me all the extra calories anymore! boy, i'm gonna be a big boy. mommy and daddy are so excited. did i say that already? as for my lungs...they are slowly taking me down on my pressures and rates...meaning i was at 50 breaths per minute and reducing me by 5 a day i am now at 30. my oxygen level has God givingly been coming down with it! i kind of sit around 50here as i was between 70 - 90 before. sometimes i jump back up there, but only when i can't make a face at the nurses to tell them that i'm sleeping and i don't want to be bothered...unfortunately, they think it's all cute and girly and they go ahead and change my diaper and bathe me anyway. girls! my pressures are still around 7 / 25-27ish. but, we'll work on that as we go along :) keep praying! mommy says it's easy for her to "relax" a little too much when i'm doing so good. but then God quietly reminds her that He still likes to hear her praise and prayers. so... i know i'm covered day and night by everyone. oh, the power of prayer. thank you all. i am going to enjoy my new room (oh yea, that was the ride...i moved to the next room so they could do some spring cleaning in my old room). love you all...lil' wren p.s. if you look real close above my ear and in the front of my head you can see my bald spots where they tore the tape out of my hair. i just had to tell everyone that i am not going bald at age 6 1/2 weeks! :) mommy's got the mass portion of it stuck in my baby book. ouch!

Monday, June 9, 2003 3:12 PM CDT

my how your days all blend together when you are waited on all day long :) how long has it been since my little fingers have touched the computer?...ummm, i don't think i can count that hight yet. but, being the medical expert that i am, i can tell you how i am doing and what has happened since we last spoke! first of all, they took out my arterial line in my right arm. so now i have two free hands to suck on...praise God. the nurses say i have been a different baby since they did that...i can't tell you how good it feels to not have an iv running up your arm into your heart chamber. whew...with that in mind they also have weaned me off of my dopamine. that was the arm that took my blood pressure constantly on the monitor. they say i'm doing really well with that, so now they just check it every 4 hours when they do cares. they have also weaned me off of my morphine drip and my pavulon. oh forget it, you know what? instead of going through what i have gotten rid of, i'll just tell you what i still have, because that will make this entry about 3 hours shorter :) i'm currently on amphiterisin (spelling? not a clue!) for my yeast infection. that i will be on until the end of June. they want to make doubly sure that absolutely everything is GONE. i am also on my hydrochordizone for my lungs...THAT'S IT!!!! oh, and a couple of vitamins and some extra calories. PRAISE GOD!!!! oh yeah, and since i love mommie's milk so very much, they have upped me from a 1/2 cc per hr. to 1 whole cc per hour. i am so big. :) speaking of which, i had my weekly weigh in lastnight. nurse lisa had to call mommy and tell her what it was - mommy almost peed her pants because the only time the nurses call is when something is not so right with me. she told nurse lisa not to scare her like that. nurse lisa said she liked making a good phone call better :) so anyway, my grand total this week was 1 lb. 15 1/2 oz. mommy and daddy were all psyched to give me my 2 lb. party yesterday, i'm so sneaky sneaky. i wanted it on father's day instead. so...i went from 13 to 13 1/2 inches and my head went from 9 1/2 inches to 10 inches! like i said...i'm such a big boy. they are really going to work hard this week at fattening me up. yeah, i'm so excited! i love you all and i know i've said this before, but i will really try not to skip so many days in between. i just really like keeping you all in suspense :) keep on praying for my lungs...they are what's lagging right now, and i think daddy says i really need them to get through life...they are what he calls a staple ingredient to my body make up. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. ttfn...lil' wren

Saturday, June 7, 2003 6:34 AM CDT

okay, i've toiled for a long time on whether or not to share a letter to my son with you. the reasons? well, maybe for the fear of being "too human". with that in mind, i want to make clear that God's presence is always with us - we have no doubt. we are forever grateful for and covered by your prayers. but just as you have felt our joy and triumph with us, i think knowing the emotion that we felt at the coming of our son is something that may also draw you nearer to the heart of God. and after all, isn't that what life is about? so with a humbled...human...heart i share with you...
wren, i know i've already written once today, but i find myself sitting here with your sister watching cinderella, and thinking of nothing but you, lying in your bed, and me not being able to get over to you. You're so close, yet, so far away. as i go through the days...God reveals so many things to me. sometimes just to my heart. sometimes through books, and sometimes through other people-some who count it all joy, and some who are experiencing pain and heartache. C.S. Lewis once wrote, "Through suffering we release the toys of this world in search for God. Only then can we find Him. Pain is God's megaphone to reach a deaf world and that pain is always a part of our joy."
wren, i want you to know the pain and joy your dad and i go through everyday as we learn more and more of Who God is through you. i know i've recorded the details of your physical birth, but may i write for you the emotions we felt so that someday when you are brought through various fires...you too will know that it is okay to "feel" the magnitude of any situation. but may you always remember that He will NEVER give you more than you can handle, or more than His grace can provide at any given moment...
when we showed up at the hospital, we were very unaware of all that was to take place. once i was checked out, they tried to stop my labor by giving me some medicines. meanwhile the dr's and nurses tried to keep me comfortable and relaxed. periodically dr. penkhus would come in and "talk" to us about my condition and your viability. viability...what a strange word when he was referring to you, my son, still moving and healthy inside of me. i think i mostly just tuned him out. this wasn't really happening to me. it was happening to another mother...lying in a bed...holding her stomache...and feeling her baby kicking inside. how long we had waited for you. how many plans we had for you. we were just starting to get your room ready. daddy just kept saying over and over again, "he can't come yet, it's too early". finally, at one point in the early morning hours, i think it finally hit me. all the time you and i had spent together...just us. the walks we had taken, the naps we had, the meals we shared, our quiet times together - they were all very quickly fleeting from me...and along with them my heart was also tearing for you. i was overcome by that ache so deep all i could do was weep from the pit of my stomache. i was not ready to lose you and all they could tell me was that you would most likely be making your enterance within the next 24 hours. your chances of survival? not great...about 3% i remember them telling us. i wept and wept and daddy stood beside me, holding my hand and being a strong daddy and husband...yet, he also wept for you.
the drs. and nurses left us to be together. it all felt so final. you, me, your daddy. would these be our final moments together? i cherished every kick i felt from you. in the back of our minds we listened to your heart beating softly on the monitor. every once in a while you would give it a swift kick causing the machine to jump! through our tears we laughed. even in these critical moments, you brought us laughter. then we prayed. oh, wren, we prayed. we didn't know what to pray or how to pray in this situation, but we prayed like we had never prayed before...we just held each other and prayed.
we knew we weren't ready, but can anyone ever be fully ready for what's most meaningful? by the end of our time together, we felt the peace of God as we had never felt it before. we did not know God's plan for you, but we knew that if we did not do everything in our power to save you, we would not be giving God the chance to work in your life the way that He had so chosen at the beginning of time. So, in the quiet hours together in the hospital room, we placed you in the Father's hands - trusting Him to carry you from this poing forward.
once the decision was made on our part, things became a blurr. drs., nurses, transport nurses, pediatricians, medicines, helicopter rides. everything just ran together. but God's peace remained. my contractions had stopped for about an hour and 45 minutes before my water broke. we were in the helicopter about 10 minutes from rochester's methodist hospital when i had 1 final contraction. i remember it getting harder and harder...then, all of a sudden, that pressure break as your warm fluid came rushing out. i remember thinking - "this feels so much better for me...you must feel better too." a bizarre thing to think when i knew you would soon be in trouble if we didn't get you out. the pilots called ahead and the O.R. was prepared for our arrival. they told me that the helicopter would not be shut off, they were just going to get us down to the awaiting drs as quick as possible. once we were in the O.R. things happened very fast. (your daddy was still driving over). i remember them asking one more time if i was sure i wanted a c-section. without hesitation i said, "yes". you were sideways inside of me and could not be delivered vaginally. so the sheet went up. there was no time to do an epiderral so they would have to put me out. i remember thinking "i sure hope they don't cut me before i'm out...they wouldn't do that...what if they do?...i'm just being silly..." as that last thought was fleeting, i felt the knife go in and make that first opening to get you out. i remember screaming but still at the same time feeling like it was happening to someone else. a nurse came behind me and pushed my throat down to hold me. then i remember someone yelling, "she's not out yet" and turning and quietly saying, "i didn't tell them to cut yet" - and then the gas came...
when i came to, my world was different. there was an emptiness where you once were. your daddy still wasn't here. and everything around me was unfamiliar. they wheeled you in quickly before they took you over to St. Mary's. wren, when i saw you...my heart stopped. you were the most beautiful baby boy i had ever layed eyes on. i reached over and touched your tiny hand in the midst of all the tubes and wires. tears streamed down my face as my love for you grew by the second. then you were gone and once again i was left alone.
in the days following there were so many things, so many thoughts that went through my mind. some thoughts i felt guilty for thinking, but thoughts i couldn't keep from coming. did we give you the right name? if you didn't make it, would we reuse your name? would i remember your face? would i remember your birthday? if i ever met someone else named wren, would i feel jealousy for his parents? could i have another? would i want to have another? how soon, if we did want another? what if i forgot you?...i was flooded with feelings of insecurity and doubt. then came the prayers. the prayers for hope and healing. the prayers for grace and mercy. and once again, the peace that passes all understanding came...and i knew everything was going to be okay...
you are a few weeks old now. we have our ups and we have our downs. we feel God's constant presence through everything, but we also have our "human" days...and we are learning, that's okay too. all we know, wren, is we love you more than life itself. we promise to cover you in prayer constantly, and we will dedicate you to the Lord all the days of your life. we love you, son.
love mom

may God bless you today and reveal to your heart His love for you and for your children. we love you all and cherish every prayer. thank you for being a part of our lives...love erin and the rest of the gang :)

Friday, June 6, 2003 4:47 PM CDT

i am so sorry for not updating anyone on how well i am doing yesterday. i kind of had an up and down day up here...always keeping those nurses busy :) well i lasted an entire 12 hours on mommy's milk!!!!! dr. johnson was very pleased with that seeing as how it was my first feeding and all. then they gave my tummy a break and let me digest all that i had had! whew. that sure is a lot of work. so, today they were going to start me back up on my feeding, but instead they decided to extubate me!!!! (take out my ventilator tube). boy was that nice...only it was a lot of work for my little body! i did it though for 2 whole hours. my body was doing all the work it needed to, but my lungs are just too sick right now, and they couldn't exchange the oxygen into my system so it was causing my blood gasses to be not so good. anyway, back to that stinker tube! at least now i know what i have to look forward to. i am pooped out though - let me tell you. so nurse deb said that she wouldn't push me anymore today on anything...i get to rest :) but tomorrow i know they are going to feed me some more. little steps for little guys. but i'm tellin you one day you won't even know i was so little. i'm going to grow big and strong like daddy.!!!!!! but please pray that my lungs really clear up. that is my only hinderance right now, and i know that i cannot do it without my big Jesus. thank you all for thinking of me all the time. i know this is short, but so is my sister, and short girls can sometimes mean trouble around here :) love you all and i promise i will TRY to be a little more proficient at keeping you updated. (oh, the words we learn up here around all these smart people). love lil' wren.

Wednesday, June 4, 2003 10:12 PM CDT

mnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnebcccccc vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvxc 111111111hjklkjhuioyuihgvbhh jjjjjjjjj
my big sister helped me do the update tonightzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - OOP and her little friend aurbrey is - helping me .righ
t3. now too, so i'm having a very obscure messaging time. i am having a pretty good day today! not too many things

have drasticall6y2 chan47ge0d1, but i am tolerating everything very well. tomorrow4 i am 140 (aubrey added the 1) days old...so i am 40 not 00140 days old. ....000000000000000000000000000000000 0 dr. johnson would like to try me off of0 the0. v.entilator real soo6n 6like by the end of this week. he's kind of waiting for my lungs to get just a touch clearer, so pray2 for that miraculous clearing up.
:) you should see my little 41 friend aubrey. she sure is cute! she is 15 months old, b.ut

da
ddy says older women are sometimes more sophisticated anyway.
:) my nurses sure ar.e ..so.ph.i..sticated and very smart. well, i know i didn't have too much to say, but if me and brie and em say too much more you might all get confused! love you adn God bless - lil'wren

Tuesday, June 3, 2003 10:42 PM CDT

so, who wants to know what i did today? me me me me me! first of all, mommy and daddy had to sit back and relax a little yesterday. after mommy had her quiet time in the morning, and had so much to say about trust, she should have known that God was going to put feet to her prayers! so, yesterday i had kind of a rough day. my belly got really really REALLY full of maconia and air and i was kind of getting a tummy ache. the surgeons didn't get up here until 7:00 lastnight, and i think mommy and daddy were ready to have a pickle about it. but now everything is okay. when they came to clean me out this morning, they got lots and lots and lots and lots of the thick stuff out. i guess they were really happy about that...(adults get happy about wierd stuff). so anyway, half way through the procedure i decided to be a funny boy :) or more of a mouse i guess...i was so tired of dealing with this silly tube down my throat that i decided to extubate myself! i grabbed hold real hard and yanked. i nearly got the confounded thing out and i was starting to sing a little song when nurse deb heard me and peaked under the sheet to see what i was doing. she laughed at me and said "well, i guess we'll give it a try". so they went ahead and pulled my ventilator tube out...which i thought was great, only then they insisted on putting this funny mask on my face...i didn't appreciate that so i held my breath. nurse deb told me that if i didn't start to breathe she would have to put the tube back in. not thinking that she was actually serious i just kept holding my breath. i mean sooner or later they would take the mask off - right? nope. she was serious. so here i am back at phase one trying to once again figure out how to yank this thing out. they told me they might give me a second chance tomorrow, though...oooh i hope i hope. then, another thing happened today that i just never ever even heard about before!...i tasted something really super yummy and sweet in my tummy. nurse deb called it "mommy's milk" or something to that effect...something about liquid gold. so i guess i'm a big boy now and i'm doing what they call eating :) !!!!!!!!! those surgeon guys were so happy with the tons and tons of poopy that they got out (they actually took my drain out and REALLY cleaned me out) that they said i could graduate and start eating some real food. so...since i gained 7 1/2 oz. last week, i'm going for 8 this week! :) mommy says no matter how much i gain, she's just happy that i get to finally eat. so...on to my prayer requests for the evening. #1. pray that my tummy actually likes this stuff they call milk and can digest it real good. #2 pray that my lungs continue to heal. they are still white, but getting a little better. i am however up on all my pressures for my ventilator. and finally #3. i heard my sister got a couple of bug bites again at grandma's house. for some reason those bugs really like her blood, and she always swells up when she gets bit. so, pray that she feels better and that Jesus would heal her bites. :) thank you and i love you all - g' night. lil' wren

Monday, June 2, 2003 11:24 AM CDT

trust...something that we are learning more and more everyday. trusting eachother, trusting our parents, trusting our doctors, and ultimately trusting God. mr. charles swindoll has excellent words of wisdom concerning trust, which i'll get to in just a minute :) but in a preface, a british medical missionary once commented - "i must ask myself a question as if it came directly from the Lord. 'Can you thank Me for trusting you with this experience even if I never tell you why?'" she wrote this after there had been an uprising in the Congo. her faith was strong and her trust confident, yet she was still mistreated by the people. i won't go into detail in case there are young eyes reading this. mr. swindoll goes on to write - "what a profound thought. God has trusted each of us with our own set of unfair circumstances and unexplained experiences to deal with. can we still trust in Him even if He never tells us why?" "the secret to responsible trust is acceptance. acceptance is taking from God's hand absolutely anything He gives, looking into His face in trust and thanksgiving, knowing that the confinement of the hedge we're in is good and for His glory. Even though what we're enduring may be painful, it's good simply because God Himself has allowed it. Acceptance is resting in God's goodness, believing that He has all things under His control..." as Elton Trueblood put it, "faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation." so once again we are reminded to "trust in the Lord, lean not on our own understanding. in all our ways acknowledge Him and He will make our paths straight." :) just a little food for thought. :)
our little guy has been a busy boy this past week! if you haven't already figured it out, i stole the computer privilege from him once again :) his nurse lastnight, tracy, got the honor of weighing him in. the grand total?...800 grams! that equals about 1 lb. 12 oz. okay, i may have small babies, but when they decide they want to put on some weight there is just no messing around! he is still struggling with his lungs. the xray this morning revealed that it is indeed quite white. this may mean that a pnemonia (okay i know that doesn't look right!) type of infection may have set in. or it may just be the prematurity of his lungs. they sent in a culture lastnight and we are still waiting on the results. but be in earnest prayer that there will be no infection and that this "whiteness" will disipate quickly. i am reading a book right now called "when mothers pray". it talks about the amazing power in prayer when you have the multitudes praying in accordance to one purpose. it's as if each prayer is layed down at the feet of Jesus and as another one is rising, there is God smiling and saying - "look, another prayer for wren". i know God is being glorified through the prayers of His saints, and i pray that each of you is drawing nearer to Him as we all go through this together. i know for sure we do not feel alone over here. i also know (because it is in God's word - still trying to figure out where!) that when one member of the body is suffering, the whole body suffers, and when one member is rejoicing the whole body rejoices. thank you for revealing to us what it means to be in the body of Christ. for to go through this and to see not only the power and peace of our God, but to more importantly see our Jesus High and lifted up...well, as it has been said before "better is one day in your house and better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere." and it is so true. thank you all - we love you - God bless - and may God keep you vigil (i love that word, thank you Jason Gay) in your prayers for wren, as we will hold all of you in our prayers. the eccles

Sunday, June 1, 2003 6:12 AM CDT

so whadaya think of my cheeks? pretty darn cute, eh? when i gave this picture to mommy, she took a double take. she REALLY didn't think that was me in this picture :) i'm so sneaky sneaky. so here is my big boy update...they are starting to wean me off of some of my meds. they took me off of the pavulon yesterday, which helped with my blood pressure issues. i certainly keep the nurses busy when i'm awake though. Twitty seems to be their favorite word for me...i just stretch and stretch and stretch to grow. hmmm my schedule for the day, sleep-stretch-sleep-stretch-sleep-stretch...flip to my other side. (they turn me every four hours during cares...that's how come they know i don't like my left side :) so, no more pavulon. they are also starting to wean me off of my hydrochordizone. that is a drug that they have to go slowly with though. i guess you just can't go cold turkey no matter who you are. they DC'd one of my antibiotics. the one that was for various infections that they might not know about, and they only give me my ambisome (antibiotic for yeast infection) once a day - every 18 hours. i am still on my dopamine - .2 cc's (2 mics) last time i checked. (yes, i can read my med pumps) which i know i've said before, but they refer to it as a renal dose which means at this point it is just helping my kidneys to work...and boy do my kidneys work. mommy thought she peed a lot when i was inside of her...she aint got nuthin on me :) i'm on .1 cc's of my insulin, and i found out that lastnight they gave me 105 calories which is up from 85 :) i know they told me something about my glucose, but for the little life of me, i just can't remember what! so anyway, i think i have now emptied my brain of any information i could have possibly stored up there. "i am so very special. i have been from the start. before (you) held me in your arms, (i know you've) held me in your hearts. and like a single drop of rain that on clear water falls, my life and love will ripples make and touch the lives of all. so read my special story, as step by step i grow...(i serve a Great and Mighty God, as i will surely show...)" author - ummmm i can't remember - nor could i remember all of the right words, so i made em up in the end :) practice practice practice for school. mommy has proclaimed that me and all my buddies up here are going to be the leaders someday 'cuz we know what it means to fight to win. she says i can't be a bully though, that's a different kind of fighting. kick fights with daddy are okay (per dr. james dobson), but i have to be kind (not necessarily gentle) with my friends - oooh, but i do have to be gentle to the girls. see how much i'm learning already? daddy says i don't have to worry about being a leader just yet. i can be a baby first and just concentrate on getting out of the hospital and home with my family :) my silly mommy and daddy. i'm learning that mommies like to look way way way into the future, and daddies like to rest in the present...at least my mommy and daddy do:) but they sure are a great balance for me and my sis. well, i am signing off for now. i thank God for all of you and your multitude of prayers. i know it gets wearing sometimes when you feel like you are praying for the same things over and over, but i'm petitioning you once again to be vigil. (sorry if i just sounded what did mom call it...demanding? that was not my intent). i know i am on the edge of a break through. i can feel it. so from the bottom of my heart, if i happen to cross your mind during the day, will you pray for me? i'm truly addicted to prayer...so are mommy and daddy and emma. it's kind of like now that we have tasted something so good, we don't ever want it to go away. we still feel your prayer covering us, and if i start to feel a little worried, or if mommy or daddy starts to feel not so confident, we usually ask God to stir the hearts of all of you, because we all know where our peace and treasure lies. so, forgive us if you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about us. we know it's Jesus stirring inside of you. but forever God is faithful, forever God is strong, forever God is with us - forever... (yes, now i know you will be singing that tune all day long) :) i love you all more than you could ever know. thank you - lil' wren

Saturday, May 31, 2003 9:39 AM CDT

oh boy, have i been a busy body this week! first of all, i just wanted to tell you all that i, indeed, am working on growing. i don't know how much, but both nurse tracy and nurse nancy say that in the week that they haven't seen me i do, in fact, look bigger :) yeah, yeah, yeah. secondly they got my permanent lines in yesterday as i said. that all went well. now i have a line in my left leg, and a double line in my left arm. they took out the line in my right arm and also the one that is in my head! Praise God. i was starting to wonder if it was going to be there a long time. they left the tape in my hair though, seeing as how i'm kind of sensitive to begin with. i begged "please, please, please, just let it fall out on its own!" so they are going to do just that. this morning i am in surgery to get my penrose changed. (the drain tube) they are going to put in a smaller one in hopes that that will help me heal up from the inside out. my blood pressure is a little low today and was lastnight too. so you can certainly pray for that. i'm on 16 mics for my dopamine, and they did give me blood yesterday, so i should be good as far as that is concerned. they are going to keep their eyes on it today...i'll keep you updated :) mommy thinks that i just love the attention from the nurses...daddy says that that is normal for a boy of my stature! thank you for praying for my protection in the illness realm. mommy said she made a mistake and it was in 2 corinthians, not 1st that she was reading...chapters 8 and 9. well, i'm gonna go rest for a while. love you all God bless you today, fully and immeasurably. lil' wren

Friday, May 30, 2003 5:28 PM CDT

okay, when mommy tried to sign on, the page was a little slow, so i hope everyone who tries to get on tonight actually succeeds! i had a busy day. i was a little bit of a stinker this morning. i was kind of on and off desating all day (dropping my levels). this aftenoon though, i got some blood, and they did surgery to put in a permanent line where my temp iv lines were. that all went very well, and karen told mommy that i had been a very good boy since 1:00. so :) yeah. mommy's heart was lurching a little tonight she said. she thinks it was Jesus telling her to pray and to have others pray. emma has been fighting a bit of a cold this week, and mommy hasn't felt the greatest either. she really wanted me to tell all of you out there to pray earnestly that i would not catch any bugs from anyone who has been in contact with me. (especially her and emma). my little body would have a very tough time tolerating any sicknesses because i have no immune system going for me at this point. so please please please pray that Jesus would cover me with His almighty Hand and protect me from any diseases, colds, flus or viruses. He, after all, is the Almighty Immune System. thank you oh so much. mommy told me she was reading in I Corinthians yesterday and could very easily relate to Paul and his love and appreciation for the saints. thank you to all of you who are upholding me in prayer. I need it more and more everyday. God bless you all. luv lil' wren

Thursday, May 29, 2003 5:16 AM CDT

"first, He brought me here, it is by His will I am in this straight place: in that fact I will rest. next, He will keep me here in His love, and give me the grace to behave as His child. then, He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends for me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow. last, in His good time, He can bring me out again - how and when, He knows." the wise words of andrew murray. my apologies to all of you faithful readers. i know a few of you had to call my daddy because i didn't write yesterday. sorry about that! mommy was over here a couple times visiting me, and then i got to see my daddy lastnight. i hear my sister is back in town, but i don't think i'll get to see her for a few days. mommy says she has a green nose and anyone who has a green nose or has been exposed to a green nose in the last 3 days is preferrably not welcome up here...for my safety and the safety of all my friends. :) so, anyway, i - on the other hand - am doing pretty good. specific answers to the prayers that you are all so faithful to pray. they honestly think that my belly is doing really well. (answer #1) they would like to do the chloragraph i believe they call it, the only problem with that is that they would actually have to wheel me down to the xray room...from what i hear, nobody wants that job! so, we'll see. i trust those dr.'s...they are very very very smart. they have been growing my yeast culture since sunday and guess what...no growth yet! (answer #2) :) my head is still clear of head bleeds!!!! (answer #3) i'm still awaiting word on when they are going to start feeding me, and when they would like to take me off the ventilator. they have gone from irrigating my penrose every day to every other day! my ambisome (antibiotic) is going to be administered every 18 hrs. instead of every 12 hours, and i am back down to my renal dose on my dopamine (for the most part) which is 2 mics - hopefully by next week i can boot it all together. so i guess you could say those are two more specific prayer requests. my lungs, and then also continue to pray that i won't have any head bleeds. other than that, i hear i'm pretty darn cute. mommy is going to try to get a picture on the web of me and my cheeks. don't be alarmed when you see it. it does not look me (well, it does, just not what you are used to seeing). mommy shared with my heart something Jesus revealed to her heart yesterday as she wandered the streets of rochester :) then in the quietness of her devotions lastnight, He touched her heart and caused His words to become real. now, i know a lot of you already know the things He has revealed to her...but she told me for her making those words that once had been just knowledge, to become her hearts content is all the difference in the world. so anyway, she told me i could read you her journal just this once...well, maybe :) 5-28-03 - reads..."i not only realize tonight how God guides us through our trials and hardships, but i realize that when we are at our lowest, when all has been stripped away - all of our protective layers, our immunability, our confidence in ourselves, and we become vulnerable to everything we've ever built up a defense for...it is here that God covers us in His robe. it is here that our hearts and our lives can be softened, it is here that we are allowed to experience and feel the pain of the situation without having to put up our own wall of defense...it is here, in the shelter of His wing that we truly do become pure gold. for it has honestly become a reality that God does allow for things to happen that we don't expect, but He will never, never, NEVER, make us go through it alone, or without the protection of His Almighty Hand. He truly is a Father in every sense of the word. and knowing that, just as my earthly father, He would never cause me harm, and He yearns to pour out every blessing He has to offer upon my life - including the blessing of my oh so little son - I truly DO believe that His will is to heal Wren. maybe for the fact that he is a miracle, but i think because God knows how much of a treasure my children are to my life. I believe He wants to heal him because He wants to bless my life, michael's life and emma's life. so, tonight i pray Matthew 7:7-8 "Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives, and he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks, it shall be opened.'"
i love you all very much and i again thank you for the prayers you are continually sending for me. may God bless you in return 100 fold. ttfn - lil' wren

Tuesday, May 27, 2003 8:08 AM CDT

you know, i woke up this morning and had a praise in my heart. a praise for everything. life, family, my church family, friends, my dr.s, nurses, and medical friends over here...and especially for the great big God that i serve. mommy said when she was in her devotion time yesterday, God was showing her some really neat stuff. first of all, she is pretty sure God is using me to spark a revival of somesort...she says she and daddy have definately felt one. mr. webster says that a revival means going from a depressed, inactive, disinterested state to becominng flourishing, active, and conscious of life. dr. bill bright says that "revival is a sovereign act of God,a divine visitation,...a time of personal humiliation, forgiveness and restoration in the Holy Spirit," and a time when the Holy Spirit is powerful and active in individual lives, churches, and the community at large. (according to cheri fuller). my little birth has sparked a kindling in mommy and daddy that has re-awakened their hearts and eyes to exacty Who it is they serve! i know my mommy's heart bubbles over with joy when she thinks of all the mighty things Jesus has done for our family. in Luke it talks about how farmers plant the seed and nurture the ground to prepare for the harvest. how ironic is it that the growing/harvest season is 4 months long? i was 4 months early almost to the day. so now mommy calls me her little harvest seed. but even more than that, she wonders what kind of harvest God is reaping in the hearts of her and daddy. (and emma, too!) as i sit here in my bed thinking (a lot) i believe that Jesus is going to work through today's children and youth to touch the hearts of many. it seems that we've been deemed a generation in trouble. from what i hear we don't need just a few minor adjustments, we need an all out divine intervention. so, mommy and daddy tell me that my being here has also caused their hearts to become aware and softened for my generation. they want to see Jesus lifted up, and they want to see all of my brothers and sisters (friends and family) come to know Him and worship Him as their very own Jesus. i know it is the cry of their hearts. one of my very favorite stories now, that i'm reminded of all the time by sporadic comments is David and Goliath. God can do big things through little guys - and i don't know if you all know this but...i'm little. :) (although they measured me, and i've grown a whole inch this last month - 13 inches long now!) and almost 1 lb. 5 oz. i think daddy was going to try and put a new picture on the web of me today. one with my eyes open so you will all know that i did do it! notice how mischieviously i am looking at my ventilator tube. if only i could have reached a little further...i have a praise! my little friend, alex, across the room is now off of the ventilator and his mommy finally is getting to hold him...and my little friend addy is starting to be weened (spelling?) off of her c-pap! mommy and i rejoice in knowing that God is touching not only me, but all of these babies up here in the NICU! okay, now for my update. they took the iv line out of my leg because it was giving them a few problems. so, now i have one in my head! it sounds a lot worse than it actually is. it kind of looks like i have a funny cap on, and mommy says i look a lot more comfortable with both of my legs free to move. i don't remember what i wrote to you last, but the dr.'s are hoping to have me off of the ventilator by next week. YEAH! oooh oooh - pray for that :) they also sent a blood sample down to the lab on sunday night - i believe - to check for yeast in my blood, and from what i hear, so far, they have not found any...so praises be lifted to Jesus for another prayer answered. they are hoping to start me on mommy's milk maybe next week i think. they are going to do an internal xray on my intestines to see exactly what's going on there. if my hole has abcessed and it actually drains to my tube then they will be able to feed me. they just have to make sure that i won't leak into my abdominal cavity first. my bp is stablizing as are my blood sugars. i remain for the most part at around 40-50% oxygen. and my peep and pip settings (on the ventilator) are coming down to around 20-22 over 3. all these numbers mean that i am doing well. dr. derleth says if you look under the word "tough" in the dictionary, there is a picture of me by it :) i like that. i AM a tough little boy. and i know God has chosen me for this because He knew i could do it! mommy and daddy are scurrying to find all the books they can to gain the knowledge on how to raise a "tough" boy! so far they say the Bible has been the best. anyway, may i wish you all the best in your day today. know that me and my family thinks of you all continually throughout the day. we know that your prayers for me are being lifted right to the very throne of God, and we thank you and once again ask that you keep praying. (we ask that a lot - don't we?!?) but we know it is the power of prayer and the One to Whom we pray that has gotten us this far. and we know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. we LOVE you all... luv baby wren

Monday, May 26, 2003 10:13 AM CDT

good morning everyone. happy memorial day...i just want to take time to thank all the veterans today that may be reading this, or who are in heaven with Jesus, for bringing me life. what each and every one of you did for us and for our country is an amazing calling and gift. i feel blessed beyond words that there are men (and women) out there who have taken it upon themselves, sacrificing their families, jobs, free time, and comfort and safety of their own homes to defend a country and its citizens and to bring us the comfort of knowing you are out there protecting us. you have brought us through wars and conflicts in the past that we might enjoy where we are today...thank you for bringing that upon yourselves. gee, i feel smart for being only 4 weeks and 2 days old! (oh, today i am 1 month - technically) April 26th was my birthday :) gestationally i am 26 weeks and 6 days old. there is not much new with me yet today...my dr. has been talking about putting in a more permanent line in today, but i'm not sure what his plan is yet. my two arm lines are doing pretty well. my right leg line is causing some confusion. they are not sure if it is in correctly or not so they might have to address that today. apparantly, it took dr. derlethe only a matter of minutes to get my arm iv's in (he thought those would be the difficult ones) but it took him almost 3 hours to get the one into my leg - whew. bless his heart, that is a long time to look at something so tiny! i am still a figity ibbity gibit though. they really have to work at keeping me sedated...oh, and i know most of my nurses have already figured this out...i do not like to sleep on my left side. (good thing i'm not a girl, 'cuz i hear that's where you spend most of your pregnancies). i do not like my feet being touched because i am VERY tickelish. i don't like my head being rubbed because i'm afraid everyone is going to rub off the hair i am working so hard at growing! i do like holding hands, but now they have me all bandaged off - so that makes it a little difficult :) oh well, this is just a season so my Lord has told me. mommy and daddy and the nurses are taking pictures of me so i can remember when i am older (as if i could forget). anyway, my prayer supplications remain the same...adding one more. on my right foot, i have 3 toes that are a little dusky. the nurses are keeping an eye on them, but if you could pray that Jesus would just reach down and touch my circulation there, i would stand in agreement with you. my feet going numb is not what i would call a pleasant experience! but hey, i am doing all right. i really am a tough little guy, and with Jesus on my side, well, let's just say i couldn't have chosen a better team mate...i am so glad that He chose me :) luv lil' wren

Sunday, May 25, 2003 1:09 PM CDT

so, i know you have all been waiting to hear from me and to hear about all the big stuff i got to do while mommy and daddy were away. well, right after mommy and daddy left, i kind of got sad and saggy. nurse lisa called mommy and daddy and told them that i was just not acting like myself. my blood pressure dropped to the low 20's (they like me to be between 26 and 40). so they beefed up my dopamine to 17 mics (ouch). i also ended up getting some more blood...boy do i love my blood! by the time mommy and daddy reached Kansas City, my bp was just a touch high. not too bad. the next day was the big wedding for them, so i tried to keep things as uneventful as possible, but i just had to do something to bring them home...one of my iv's got blocked (the one that they draw blood out of for gas samples). so they ended up having to prick my toe until mommy and daddy got done with the wedding (so the dr. could talk to them about what he wanted to do with me). once mommy and emma were done being all bridesmaidy and flowery mommy called dr. derlethe back (i'm a really bad speller at my dr's names!) he told mommy that all week he had been contemplating switching my tummy iv's (they ran through my ambilical chord), to an arterial line (i.e. one in my wrist or arm or leg...) well he said "i guess if you believe in that stuff, maybe his tube blocking this morning was a sign to switch them out" mommy said she and daddy trusted his wisdom as a dr. and that if it was time, than it was time. i've also been fighting this nasty yeast infection that i can't seem to beat. a lot of times the yeast is hiding in the old lines, and every time they do something through the lines the yeast creeps back into my system. so for all the sugars and calories they have been giving me to grow, my body has been using to ward off this infection...so that's kind of why i'm not getting any bigger. hopefully by switching them over, it will give me a chance to beat the yeast and start putting on some weight. when they weighed me yesterday i was about 585 grams (about 1 lb. 3 oz.) 1/2 oz. lower than my birth weight, and usually they like to see babies like me be at their birth weight by now. another reason he wanted to switch them was there is some chemical, i don't know if it's from a med or an infection, that is floating in my body that if i'm exposed to it over a long period of time, it can affect my mental growth. so switching the lines also helps that. whew! i was busy while they were gone. they did come back lastnight, though so it did work to get them home. when they came to see me this morning, mommy said she thought i looked a little bigger...of course that could be because i am completely taped up and strapped down now with all my new lines! (not literally strapped down). they have me on prevulon (it paralizes me) and morphine. i have big pads taped to each of my arms to hold the iv's in place and i have a big pad taped to my legs...daddy says that maybe this will motivate me to get big real fast :) i don't think it's real fun for mommy or daddy to see me this way, but we all know it is going to help me lots. so my prayer concerns today are...1. pray that this will take care of the yeast infection 2.pray still that my lungs will continue to get better so i can move on to the c-pap 3. pray that i will start using my calories and sugars to put on some weight and 4. pray that all my other levels (oxygen, respiratory, bp, heart rate and so forth) will stay level, and that my other organs will keep functioning as they should. oh, and 5. pray that the hole in my intestine will close - of course :) thank you so very much for your patience with me this weekend - like i said i was kind of busy making "progress" - so i didn't have a lot of time to jump on the computer... :) oh by the way, my big sister did GREAT in the wedding. we were all so proud of her. she walked down as the flower girl all by herself in front of a million strange people, and i happen to know that she had minimal sleep and no food (except for a piece of cheese) in her tummy - oh yeah, and it was right in the middle of her nap time :) so with all that in mind mommy and daddy were ready to hand her the world on a string for as well as she did :) they will have pictures soon. k- love you all, and i should be able to update you more frequently now. have a good memorial day! love lil' wren

Thursday, May 22, 2003 8:19 PM CDT

i'm sure hoping that my journal entry did not come across as too condemning to my doctor lastnight. they are really wonderful men up here. God has blessed them with an overwhelming amount of wisdom and knowledge...what an incredible gift they also have! for all they do for me, i am eternally grateful, and i never want to seem ungracious or hard hearted towards them. i know they were trying to help mommy and daddy out. in my mind i think that they just want mommy and daddy to know that whatever decisions they make while i am up here, the NICU staff will support them 100% and will not condemn them for choices they make. i also think that the nice doctor was just trying to make mommy feel better about not spending so much time up here. he wants her to feel like she can attend to her everyday tasks and not have to worry that she is abandoning me. (which i know she would never do anyway :) i have such a wonderful plethera of nurses up here - all of whom i believe have seen and know the hand of God. i don't think there is one nurse who would deny that there is power in prayer, and they continually talk to me and encourage me through my everyday ordeals! i have such an extended family with them and my dr.s and my surgeons. i'm pretty sure i'll miss them when i go home. today i had another "day". i had another bit of a rough morning with my spells and all, but they gave me some more sedation, and that seems to help. i even opened my eyes for nurse linda for a while and flirted with her a bit :) mommy and daddy both called today to check on me...i told them to go have fun in Kansas City this weekend and that i would have a good surprise for them when they returned. that statement that i've heard so much of lately...let go and let God; i think it is really ringing true in my little ears. Jesus told me, as He was sitting by my bed, that he created me to know how to be the best wren i could be. just like He created mommy and daddy and emma to know how to be the best mommy and daddy and emma they could be. knowing that we are all doing our part in being the best that we possibly know how to be right now, makes it easy to let go and let God take care of the rest. (seeing as how He knows how to be the best God He can be). knowing this brings me rest. i now can see that i don't have to try beyond the capabilities that God has given me, i just have to trust that as i wait upon the Lord to heal, refresh and renew me, He will do just that. (He also told me that i could "speak that which is not as though it were") Jesus promised me that He will always be true to His Word, and that whenever i am in doubt, to call upon His name and He would come that i may mount up on eagle's wings and fly to the highest mountain top. i know i am in good hands...simply? The Best. love lil' wren

Wednesday, May 21, 2003 9:44 PM CDT

Okay, i'm having a really good day today - so to speak - but i don't think mommy is having such a good day. although, she is a tough cookie, and it takes quite a bit to break her spirit. i was laying here all nice and cozy on my prevuline and morphine when my doctor came in and had a talk with mommy by my bed. i know she was crying by the end, but i don't really understand why because what the doctor was saying didn't make any sense to me. he told her that i am doing a very stable job. i have not gone uphill since i got here, but nor have i gone down. (mommy thought that was pretty good and told me so). they say that they even think there is a possibility that the hole in my intestine is starting to absess. (meaning close over in some way or another). they will continue to keep their eyes on it. mommy has been praying really hard she told me for some sort of break through for my little body. anyway, this silly doctor always seems to add things in that he doesn't really need to. he told mommy that she needed to concentrate on my big sister and family and not spend so much time up here at the hospital with me. (she is lucky if she gets up here for 5 minutes a day with emma). he said that i don't recognize her anyway, and there is nothing she can do to help me right now, so it's better if she is elsewhere concentrating on other things. he also told her (everytime he sees her) that if she and daddy ever change their minds and decide that this is too hard they (the dr.'s and nurses) will support them in their decision. my mommy is so firm in telling him that she and daddy are still at peace with their decision, and that God is in control. i was trying to tell her that he didn't know what he was talking about, but they have this confounded tube down my throat that makes me not able to be heard. well anyway, after the doctor left mommy had a good talk with me. she told me that if those dr.s ever come in and don't say very uplifting things about me, i can just shut my little ears because my Jesus is bigger than my intestines, bigger than my lungs, bigger than my little head, bigger than all the medicine i am getting, and yes, even bigger than all the wisdom of all the dr.'s combined up here. she said that she and daddy will always stand behind me, always protect me, always defend me, always love me, and never give up on me. whew! and i was worried :) she sang me a song (the letter by Jason Gay) before she left, and then we prayed together. we prayed that i would be able to show those silly dr.'s what a really big God can do, and that we would "let the days of faithlessness be done". mommy still cried quite a bit, but she said it was because she loved me so much and she couldn't believe what a blessing i've been to her life. then i guess she went out and butched her hair off. somewhat of a stress reliever. so if you happen to see her on the street, you can lie to her and tell her that "no...it looks great!" ummmm, yeah. anyway, i have nurse mary tonight. i like her. and i usually decide to behave for her :) mommy told me i had to tonight. she said that my big sister is in a wedding this weekend down in Kansas City, and that they will be gone until Saturday. so i guess i'll be good for a few days here. heck, maybe i'll even surprise her and do a 180 so when she returns she'll have some promising news waiting for her. but she told me that sometimes we all have to have a little patience. even those Dr.'s and that whatever work God is doing in my life and in the lives of those around me, she will wait on Him. so, pray earnestly for my dr. that he'll be awakened by the Spirit of God and that he'll see me with more than just human eyes. and pray for mommy and daddy. i think they both had a rough day. me and my sis? well, we got it all figured out coupled with the power of God...we just aren't telling anyone yet :) love you all. God bless...lil' wren

Wednesday, May 21, 2003 7:59 AM CDT

All right all you wonderful pray-ers! I once again have obtained permission from my son to "invade" his web page. I know I'm not quite as humorous or entertaining as he, but he is keeping busy at the moment with his "cares". (all the fun stuff they do to keep him balanced, basically). I (we) just wanted to let everyone know how encouraged and supported we feel by the Body of Christ. Not just in our own neighborhood, but expanded beyond to that which we never even thought possible or imaginable. On Sunday we really could not keep the tears from flowing, not because of the situation, but because we felt so loved, supported and covered by all. For a comparison (lightly) it is as if we are standing in the middle of a huge circle of God's saints - everyone of you surrounding us, and there is Jesus right in your midst standing with you. We pray continually that God would touch each and every one of your hearts in the way that He has touched ours, and bless you in return one hundred fold any kindness that you have shown to us. "Give and it will come back to you, good measure, pressed down shaken together and running over." I am really working on these thank you's, and in all honesty it is hard to keep up - which is a good thing :) but if you are still waiting, i'm in the midst of putting out a fire in my hand. When I called lastnight to check on Wren he was doing pretty good. He had a pretty good day, and is down to 2 mics on his dopamine (.1 cc's). His o2 levels are right around 30 (higher if he is having a spell). They did clean him out yesterday and got a fair amount of waste out, but the nurse said he was not draining as much during the day. Our prayers are that that is because his intestine would be closing up. He is a handsome little guy though. I may be biased due to my mother standpoint, but he looks so much like his daddy, and i am very excited to see him with a ton of baby fat! (that last comment, by the way, has nothing to do with michael). Anyway, it is somewhat of a non-eventful update...We just wanted to let everyone know we are absolutely overwhelmed by your prayers and support, and we ARE truly seeing how God has knit together the Body, and what it really is to be a part of it. We love you all, and will keep vigil in our prayers for you as well. Thank you - with all our hearts. The Eccles (Mikee, Erin, Emma and Wren) - isn't that fun to write?

Tuesday, May 20, 2003 9:21 AM CDT

mommy told me this morning that she actually slept 6 hours straight last night. she woke up this morning feeling pretty good. she called me and i told her that i also had a pretty good night. i'm still keeping my nurses busy with my little spells, but i'm doing okay. (they told me this was a normal premie thing to do). when mommy left lastnight i was at 26% oxygen and my ventilator was only having to give me 4 breaths. this is good. i was also down to 4 mics on my dopamine (from 6 during the day). nurse amy is really nice, i like her a lot, too :) my prayer list this week goes something like this...of course, keep praying for my intestines to heal, and my lungs to strengthen, keep praying that my head stays clear of head bleeds (i had another ultrasound yesterday, and it still looks good - Praise be to God). pray that my yeast infection will go bye-bye, and that i can go off of these antibiotics soon. also, they are thinking of switching over my iv lines later this week - probably not until the weekend or end of the week. they are trying to be proactive with me and keeping any risk of infection at bay. by having these lines in for so long in the same place, i am at a higher risk of say yeast or some other bacteria building up in one of the lines and coming into me. so they do what they call an arterial line in my arm. they make a small incision and actually go up into one of my arteries (i believe). the danger with this is it can cause a blood clot and there is a possibility of me losing some of my fingers or what not. there are a couple other dangers, but all of these dangers far outweigh the danger of me getting an infection from the old tubes, so just pray that the dr. has a steady hand and has wisdom on how and when to deal with me :) i will keep you updated...but for now this is how i am doing :) love you all and keep vigil in your prayers. thank you thank you thank you - love baby wren.

Monday, May 19, 2003 0:02 AM CDT

did ya all miss me? :) i had a good relaxing weekend (well somewhat). i was doing really good until lastnight when i started pulling these "spells" on the nurses! really i just like it when nurse maria is in here with me...she's so nice and pretty. but due to my likeness they actually had to bag and mask me a couple times because i dropped my stats a little too low for comfort. i try to tell them that i'm just sleeping really deep and that i'll start breathing again tomorrow when i wake up, but they said they don't work that way...so, i guess i'll let them have their way with me :) daddy came to see me tonight. i got so excited to have another boy in the room with me (especially my dad), that i started my "spells" again. but i'm not so bad tonight. maria is sooo smart. she's fiddling a little with my oxygen and a couple other things, but for the most part she is letting me pull myself out of them - and you know what? i do it just fine. it's something about the night. i don't do this to any of my day nurses. in fact i let them put me down to room air (21% oxygen) and i don't even fuss about it! but i just like the company at night. mommy came in after daddy. she and maria were being goofy girls at my bedside telling silly stories and laughing. i kind of liked it though and decided that i wasn't going to play games with my numbers while they were talking. and of course they were swooning over me and how handsome and devanare i am. they were talking about how much i have changed already in the past 3 weeks. how i'm getting to be such a big boy. well, kind of. anyway...mommy and daddy both told me they went to church this morning and got lots of wonderful hugs for me. (they're kind of softies though, neither of them could keep the fountains from flowing from what i hear.) i know they feel surrounded and upheld and protected by God's people and by their prayers - oh and of course by the Lord Himself. :) thank you for looking after them while i'm growing...i really appreciate it. so much for my short update. i'm going to sleep for a while and get lots of energy for tomorrow. keep praying for me! (specifically still that my intestines would heal and that my lungs would mature and develop into strong little pumping machines.) and "where two or three are gathered in His name - He is there also" - oooh the power of prayer. daddy and mommy (and emma) get so excited about it.
oh, and if you think of it, my little friend next door went home to be with Jesus. i know she is in a good place, but i think maybe her mommy and daddy miss her so if you could pray for her family...her name was Ellie. thank you.
love always - 'lil wren

Friday, May 16, 2003 6:18 AM CDT

my daddy has got to be the coolest person i know! he snuck on here when i wasn't even paying attention and made it all sheek and very boyish. he says someday he'll teach me about color and design (cuz'mommy has a hard time telling purple from blue!). i was a really good boy yesterday for my nurses. i kept all my levels stable and pretty much just slept. i had a lot of visitors and had fun meeting some of you for the very first time. they put me back on phototreatment. my body was working really hard at exnaying the used red blood cells (actually my liver was). and they just don't want me to have to work too hard. (is this what life is like? people not wanting you to work too hard...) anyway, it's nice and warm under these lights. when mommy came to see me lastnight i was keeping my numbers very nicely. i was getting 36 breaths per minute from my ventilator and matching every one of them for a while...this is a good thing. my oxygen - well when mommy wasn't playing with my feet it was around high 30's and low 40's. i keep telling her i'm ticklish, but she was all concerned because my feet were so cold so she kept touching them. i let her know i was sleeping and didn't want to be touched my dropping my numbers whenever she reached for me. silly mommy. (you'd think that she'd get the hint!) i had nurse lisa yesterday. we did a photo shoot for mommy and daddy again. i really like her. we had fun, and she has a nice soft, peaceful spirit. oh yeah, daddy put new pictures of me up - just in case you haven't checked them out yet. okay - another forwarning...i might be ooc this weekend again. (unless something happens that i need to tell you about). mommy and daddy said they were going to go home on saturday and sunday because they want to go to church on sunday to visit with a lot of you. so anyway, usually when they go home i take advantage and get lots of r and r. just don't worry (but keep praying) if you don't hear from me for 2 days. i'll be okay - really :) today i pray that God renews my strength and makes me even stronger than yesterday - even healthier then before - and rids my body completely of any infection. amen! ttfn, lil' wren

Thursday, May 15, 2003 9:12 AM CDT

so mommy sounded kind of tired yesterday when i talked with her. i told her to come over here this morning and spend some time with me so i could give her some little boy wisdom :) she came over and sat with me from about 6:30 to 8:30. this is what i reminded her of...
first of all, Matthew 18:19 says, "Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven." (i reminded her that there are definately more than two people out there that agree for God to sustain my life :) the next thing i reminded her of was something she once told me about that she read in a book. when you feel helpless, don't let it keep you from praying. your helplessness can actually open a door to hope. As O. Hallesby, the great Norwegian prayer-theologian said, "Prayer is for the helpless." when our understanding of how little we can do is coupled with our faith in all God can do, we open the door to His power. we then come to Him with a "humble and contrite heart that knows we can't merit anything from God or change the situation ourselves. we just surrender to Him like an infant (me!) surrenders to his mommy's care. Hallesby uses a wonderful analogy you mommies can easily identify with to explain this secret of effective prayer. "your infant children cannot formulate in words a single petition to you. yet the little ones pray the best way they know how. all they can do is cry, but you understand very well their pleading. moreover, the little ones need not even cry. all you need to do is to see them in all their helpless dependence upon you, and a prayer touches your mommy-heart, a prayer which is stronger than the loudest cry." just as mommy hears and responds to me...God responds to her (and all of you praying for me). only He does it perfectly and eternally! i told her she can breathe a sigh of relief that her helplessness doesn't prevent her from coming to God, that in fact it can usher her into His arms. for when we're helpless, we open our hearts and let Him come into our distress and crisis. this is my prayer for my mommy and daddy and sister...thank you, Lord, that You meet my mommy and daddy and emma in all the crises and everyday problems of my life and their own lives. thank you even for our helplessness because that draws us to You. i want to, and i know they want to, trust You and believe that when we call to You, You are there. thank You that we don't have to have the problems figured out, that we can merely bring ourselves and everything we struggle with to You and know we are safe in Your hands. in Your precious Jesus' name - amen. and on that note i also wanted to encourage everyone that i know that God has a future and a hope for me - not calamity (Jeremiah 29:11). now, after i got done talking to her and reminding her of what a good and big God we serve i let her play with me for a while and look at my 2 - yes 2 - beautiful blue eyes. i so love to peek at the world around me now. my oxygen levels were great when she left. i was around 40 my other levels are doing good. my tube is not leaking so bad, and i am staying pretty stable. i love to stretch my arms and my legs to get them to grow. :) keep praying that i can be extubated soon (no more ventilator) and that my tummy (intestines) continue to heal so i can start eating! i know God does amazing things in 40 days, but i don't know if i want to fast that long...just yet :) i love you all and i never get tired of hearing your words of encouragement. thank you thank you thank you! lil' wren
okay if i can fit it all on - and for those of you who care to read on, a little tear jerker of a story... "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine" (be prepared to get watery eyes!) like any good mother, when karen found out that another baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3-year old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling. they found out that the new baby was going to be a girl. day after day, night after night, michael sang to his sister in mommy's tummy. he was building a bond of love with his little sister before he even met her. the pregnancy progressed normally for karen, and active member of the panther creek united methodist church in morristown, tennessee. in time, the labor pains came. soon it was every 5 minutes, every 3 minutes...every minute. but serious complications arose during delivery and karen found herself in hours of labor. would a c-section be required? finally, after a long struggle, michael's sister was born. but she was in very serious condition. with a siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's hopital, knowxville, tn. the days inched by. the little girl got worse. the pediatrician had to tell the parents there is very little hope. be prepared for the worst. karen and her husband contacted a local cemetery about a burial plot. they had fixed up a special room in their house for their new baby but now they found themselves having to plan for a funeral. michael, however, kept begging his parents to let him see his sister. i want to sing to her, he kept saying. week two in ICU looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over. michael kept nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in ICU's. karen decided to take michael whether they liked it or not. if he didn't see his sister right then, he may never see her alive. she dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU. He looked like a walking laundry basket! the head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed, "get that kid out of here now. no children are allowed." the mother rose up strong in karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glared steel-eyed right into the head nurses face, her lips a firm line. "he is not leaving until he sings to his sister" she stated. then karen towed michael to his sister's bedside. he gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. after amoment, he began to sing. in the pure voice of a 3 year old michael sang, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey." instatntly the baby girl seemed to respond. the pulse rate began to calm down and become steady "keep on singing, michael," encouraged karen with tears in her eyes. "You never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away." as michael sang to his sister, the baby's ragged, strained breathing became as smooth as a kitten's purr. "keep on singing, sweetheart." "The other night dear, as i lay sleeping, i dreamed i held you in my arms." michael's little sister began to relax as rest, healing rest, seemed to sweep over her. "keep on singing, michael" tears had now conquered the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glowed. "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don't take my shunshine away..." the next day...the very next day...the little girl was well enough to go home. Woman's Day Magazine called it The Miracle of a Brother's song. the medical staff just called it a miracle. karen called it a miracle of God's love. NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE. LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL. Trust in the Lord always...acknowledge Him...He will direct your path.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 11:40 PM CDT

mommy only got over here once today. it's hard - i can hear my big sister lose her patience after about 3 minutes of sitting :) she brought pastor minturn over to say hi. that was kind of nice. daddy came over tonight, though. he talked to nurse karen for a while...then i just had to peek at him to see what i'm gonna look like when i grow up. anyway, he says i'm doing okay. the nice dr. came and cleaned me out again this morning, but didn't get much so i don't think he'll be back for a while! my co2 (carbon dioxide levels) are up - they don't know why. it could be that the readings just aren't right, or it could be that they are actually high. i'm up to about 90 on my oxygen. that's not so good, and i'm also up on my dopamine to 8. yesterday i was at a 2. up down up down up down. emma says it's a lot more fun to do that on a merry go round. i'll just have to take her word on it for now. mommy says i'm going to be 3 weeks old (26 weeks gestation) on saturday. daddy says when i start eating, and i reach 2 pounds, they are going to have a 2 pound party for me...(mommy says she'll take care of the part where i get to eat cake). i really wish they would start feeding me soon. i'm gettin kinda hungry and kinda thin. anyway. this was a quick update, but i thought i'd jump on and say hi to everone. mommy says she is tired today. the time passes fast, but some days feel more like a test to her than others. daddy says he is pretty tired, too - (although, i think it's more because he just works really really hard). anyway...thank you for keeping me in your prayers. even in my little tired world - i still know that God is faithful, true, and strong. luv lil' wren

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 4:49 AM CDT

i needed to fix something in my entry today...instead of lloyd travis, you need to put in lloydakis (i think it's two l's - i'm still pretty not good at spelling.
what did i do today...mommy can now call me popeye :) i did get my left eye to open, wow - it sure is a busy world out there. i choose to keep a wash clothe over it for now so i don't overstimulate my poor little brain nurons. but it's kind of fun to peek every now and again. this morning i was a very busy boy. i really really and i mean REALLY had to go to the bathroom. so badly that i blew my drainage tube right out the side of my abdomen. and along with it a ton of gas and maconia. i guess dr. says that's not such a bad thing because at least it is not in my belly. but for now i guess my intestinal track is still not healed up. i would like to get the yucky stuff out the right area, there are just so many turns and corners to take, i'm not a very good navigator...yet. well, anyway - mr. dr. put a new drainage tube in and they cleaned me out. i guess they'll just have to keep checking on me. (little do they know, i just really like the attention). i had my follow up ultrasound and so far everything is still clear. YEAH. your prayers are being heard way over here in the NICU. mommy says we can even afford to pass some of the prayers around. so when she is over here, we sit and pray for all the other little babies. it's kinda fun. my big sister prayed with me lastnight before i went to sleep. i like that. we'll have to do that when i go home. i guess the nurses and dr.'s say i really need to start putting on some weight (a little struggle of mine that daddy says goes the opposite way once you're married). i kind of have a round robin thing goin' here. i'm kind of sick and kind of weak (no muscle tone), so i need to eat to get better and stronger, but i can't start doing that until i am better...hmmm, they sure ask a lot of a little guy. mommy says God can work through even that. knowing that He is above all power, above all kings, above all nature and all created things...above all wisdom and all the ways of man (yes, even my extremely smart dr.'s) - because He was here before the world began... (is anyone singing in their heads yet?) a little diddy for the day. well, this was a quick update...but here, i've let it sit for a day - and i'll leave you with this... "Consider it all joy my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith...without ANY doubting..." James 1:2-6a i hope you all have a God filled day today. i'm going to go visit my buddy lloyd travis's website now (same domain. just put his name at the end instead of mine :) love you all. lil' wren

Tuesday, May 13, 2003 2:39 AM CDT

gooood morning :) i missed you all while i was not writing. i guess mommy and daddy had a pretty cool weekend while they were home (i've been trying to keep busy, too!) i had a very quiet and consistant weekend. didn't give nope not one of my nurses a terrifying scare :) daddy told me i had to behave while he was not here. i am already so obedient to my father's words :) when mommy called here lastnight nurse karen said my blood sugar was a little high, but that was the only thing. other than that all my vitals are staying pretty well in balance. they changed out my ventilator tube yesterday because my other one was getting a little small (you could hear me trying to talk over it). anyway, i won't need this thing much longer to begin with, but i guess if they really think it's necessary...:) when mommy and daddy were in the mall yesterday (daddy bought mommy "Bringing up Boys" for mother's day - just thought i'd let you all know), i guess they ran into one of my little commrad's mother. (hello emily). it was really cool and they felt completely touched by God to have that little encouraging meeting - even if it wasn't for very long. thank you nicole and jonah for noticing mommy and daddy (and mostly emma) wandering around and even though you didn't know them - saying hi. mommy told me God has really been working in her heart lately. there is so much she has said (mommies and sisters use an aweful lot of words) but i thought it all important and touching to my little heart. first she told me how God has changed her just in the past two weeks. when she started praying for me she pleaded for God to uplift me and spare my life - now she has noticed her prayers changing...not because of her mind and words, but because God is changing her heart from desiring her will, to desiring His. and i can't even say that the words of her prayers have changed, but she has gone from selfishly wanting me (in every way) to wanting to see God's glory be revealed through me. and she says this is such an amazing event in her life she knows it will be - she told me about this song with some of God's promises in it - it goes like this..."i can't remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain. i can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting His Hand...All i have needed His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me." then she told me to read the first part of James...passed on to her from one of you wonderful pray - ers. i'll just leave it at that, cuz i want all of you to get curious and read the wonderful promises for yourself...plus i am getting a novel going here! yes, lil' me wren is going to be a writer some day. oh yeah, my other big news for you...i'm working really hard at opening my left eye as we speak. just thought i'd let you know. (there is definately power in prayer -). i love you all and everday i feel you prayers more and more - mommy's doctor calls me a little miracle, i kinda like that :) have i mentioned to you yet that i'll be the youngest baby to leave rochester hospital when i go home? (daddy tells me i'm gonna be a trend setter - mommy says i'm just like daddy...i like that) love lil' wren

Sunday, May 11, 2003 7:13 AM CDT

good morning all you daddies, but especially mommies out there. i just got done reading (yes, i can read with my eyes closed) my most recent guest book entries. i have felt your prayers-thank you. it makes my little heart rest once again in God's peace when i'm reminded of His Word - and the truth and promise that go with it. i, in fact, had a very good night last night. nurse lisa and i did a photo shoot for mother's day, and she said i look all cute and pink and boyee. daddy said pink is kind of a girls color, but as long as it's describing my personal body color - we'll definately take it :) i was up all night planning and chatting with lisa on "what in the world to do for my mommy on mother's day". we came up with a pretty good idea if i do say so myself, but i can't tell you in case mommy reads this...then it won't be a surprise. hmmmm...let's see. mommy came and saw me late lastnight (i was sleeping), but nurse lise told me the numbers she had given mommy for me at the time. my dopamine was down to 4 mics...keep 'em comin' down! my ventilation pressure is up to 5 from 6 because they are trying to expand and open my lungs to press out some of the fluid in there. but in turn that turns my breaths down to 30 from ummmm i think it was around 45 or 50. so that is good. not forcing as much oxygen into my system. my BP is good - just where it should be. they keep giving me a diuretic to keep me peeing out the extra fluid i'm carrying. that's okay - and may i say one more time, it just gives me more chances to show off exactly how boyee i can be. (daddy says he'll teach me how to aim when i'm old enough) - apparantly peeing all over your legs, feet and bed are not exactly kosher. all in due time. hmmm - what else goes on with lil me...oh yeah. they started my new med for my yeast infection, and they hope to have me off of it pretty soon. i guess it's a whopper of an antibiotic. not one they like to keep little guys on. but my philosophy is, since i am so little and new and cute and precious those lowsy bacteria will be doomed from day one because i haven't anything in my system that has had time to build up immunities! mommy read a reader's digest article yesterday on germs in hospitals. daddy tells her she should not read anymore. anyway i overheard her say that she never wants to take the plastic off from over me, she doesn't want ANYTHING to touch me, and she is now excavating everything from her everyday wear that might possibly harbor some icky molds, funguses, bacteria and germs. and she adamently suggested daddy do the same...silly mama. but always lookin out for her babies i know. daddy rolls his eyes and smiles at me (we know). okay - in a forwarning so all you wonderful wren lovers out there don't fall off the earth without me...i might not get to my computer tomorrow...i know i know, it's hard. i'll try my darndest, but just in case i don't - just keep praying :) looking forward to this week...i have a couple of tests that you could pray for (more specifics, i get that from my beaver daddy). i have another head and kidney altrasound...a follow-up to make sure everything is okay with my meds going through my system and the hemmorhage scare they had last week. and my eyes opening 'cuz lil ol me already is going to have a vision test. don't they know? haven't they heard? God gives 20/20 vision from heaven (mommmy says both spiritually and physically). so, let's get rollin and get goin'. mommy says as soon as i get off my ventilator, i get to eat some real, yummy, good for me milk. i really gotta get off this thing! i love you all, and i am blanketed in your prayers. have a happy mother's day to all. mommy and daddy said they are going home to mankato today to spend time with their mommies too. for all i know mankato is just down the block :) anyway - God bless. and thank you...in my weakness, God IS strong. luv lil' wren michael

Saturday, May 10, 2003 8:02 PM CDT

a nightly visit from lil' ol me to update you on my well being ;) there are a couple of new turn arounds which could work themselves out but mommy won't give me all the details...the first one i overheard from the nurse is that they found some yeast in one of the cultures they did. i don't know what that means but nurse cindy says i need to open my eyes soon because of it (i guess if i don't within a certain amount of days here, they'll have to do it for me...mommy won't tell me how they do it. in fact i don't even think the nurse would tell mommy how they do it.) so anyway i'm working really hard over here to open them up...please pray. they gave me some caffeine today along with my morphine drip...i think. well i know i got caffeine anyway. it got me going a little bit. they have to change my antibiotic out for some reason again. i'm not sure why. i guess i'm just feeling tired lately. the two weeks are starting to drag on me, and i really need to find some strength to fight this stuff somewhere. once i can get through this, i can start eating and growing and fighting even more. mommy and daddy still stay hopeful, but i think they're ready for me to get better too. so if you think of it and could pray really really hard for some strength and a speedied up recovery, i would much appreciate it. other than that, things are staying quiet here in the NICU...or as quiet as they can be with bells and beeps going off every 1/2 minute or so :) i'm excited to go home to mommy and daddy. i love my nurses and my doctors, but i'm starting to miss my family. i guess my room is pretty cool. daddy says hang in there for a little longer, and when we look back on this time, it'll have gone fast. well, i'm going to go and rest some more. i love you all and God Bless for all your thoughts and cares. lil' wren.

Saturday, May 10, 2003 7:17 AM CDT

oh dear - i'm afraid i might have given some of you a fright by not writing yesterday. i do apologize (but i did have a good day of rest). YEAH! today i am 2 weeks old, and still kickin' strong. when mommy came to see me yesterday she said i was lookin pretty good. those good ol' nurses gave me a morphine drip (which is also why i did not write) to keep me nice and quiet. i also got some more blood which is helping to balance out a few things...they gotta keep up with me ya know. by BP is leveled off from the day before, although i am up on my dopamine from previous days (10 mics) i am down from thursday when i was at 22 - ouch. my carbon dioxide levels are okay - i'm not sooo grey. the blood really helps me pink up on that one. my poopoo drainage is okay. they got a little out of the drain in the morning, but they are still opting not to flush me out, so i guess that means i'm still doing pretty good (keep praying). my oxygen level is between 50 and 60 most of the time - except when they do cares, i tend to get pretty darn mad at 'em so they turn me up to 100. i really gotta get off this machine. dr. johnson says he doesn't like to see little ones on a lot of oxygen for very long (one of the side effects is the carbon dioxide in my blood making me a little acidic). but overall like i said - i'm staying about as steady as a little guy can. (when you see me you'll know what i mean when i say little!) anyway, mommy is happy to have daddy and emma back for a couple days, but secretly she told me that she very much so enjoyed her break. it gave her a chance to come and see me for a couple hours at a time, and to pray, and to think, and to worship, and do some scrapbooking, and reading...i guess for all you mommies out there with little ones you know what it's like when you get a moment of silence. mommy filled her's with silence, and all the things you can't do when you're connected at the hip to a chatter box :) from what i hear my sister is quite a stitch, but she is very obedient when she comes to visit me - we have to keep it quiet up here...so she tip toes down the big long hall and only whispers once she gets past the big doors. she even told my doctor to "shhhh" the other day ' cuz she thought he was being too loud for my little ears. always looking out for me :) he apologized and said "oh, you're right, sometimes i forget that i have to be quiet." well, i'm gonna go rest some more. i guess i have a few visitors flowing in today. love you all - and mommy reminded me too - "greater is HE who is in me than he who is in the world" what a good promise. love lil' wren

Thursday, May 8, 2003 8:02 PM CDT

Wren told me I could update his web page tonight. He is busy taking a little rest. First and foremost, I really want to thank everyone for their prayers, encouraging words, cards, and gifts that keep pouring in. I am amazed at how the body of Christ works. I know this keeps getting reitterated, but I wish for one moment every one of you could be in our shoes and feel the love, support, and protection we are feeling. From the people we know and love to the people we aren't familiar with that we also are falling in love with...your families and friends and extended aquantences that we never even dreamed would hear or much less take the time to think think and pray for us - it is basically blowing us out of the water! As we read and are touched by your scripture and servants' heart, we are absolutely melted by the love of the Father. Thank you for getting us through this. A prayer for each and every one of you...that God may bless you in return for the kindness you've shown us. That if ever you reach a time of adversity, may we return the love and prayers we feel from you. And may Wren give each and every one of you his strong little hug and kiss once he has come home :) Now about our boy! I just got back from spending some time with him. (Bless my husband's heart, he is spending some quality time at home with Emma for today and tommorow.) He, apparantly, was somewhat of a "twirp" today :) His BP is still a little unstable, so they are trying a new conglomeration of meds so as not to overuse and in turn cause the ones he is on to become ineffective. Basically they are chasing him up and down the ladder to find his balance. I'm all right with that, though. His team of medical workers is outstanding. These people are sooo smart! He is looking more and more handsome every day. His lungs are a little beat up from the ventilator, but overall he is doing very well. Specific prayer requests for him: 1) That his Blood Pressure would stabalize 2) That these tiny cists on the right hand side of his head will be nothing 3) That his lungs will continue to mature at an even rate - and that no holes will be punctured in them due to the stress that they are under 4) That his intestinal perferation will continue to heal, and his abdomen will clear of any maconia 5) That his liver and kidneys will continue to function and mature with his body 6) That his white blood cell count will level off - for some reason his cell count is abnormally high, which normally means there is an infection somewhere. The Dr.'s however, cannot find one anywhere for the bafflement of them. Their explanation is that his marrow, due to his immaturity, is releasing immature white blood cells before their time. It really does not affect him at all - just confuses everyone! 7) That within the next week or so, he'll mature enough to be taken off the ventilator 8) That soon they'll be able to start giving him some "mama's milk" to help him to start to grow - pending the healing of his intestines. 9) That God will continue to hold him in His right hand and cover him with His left! and 10) That through everything God would continue to teach our family and cause us to grow in the amazing things HE has set before us. We are very excited to get back church, work, family and friends to fellowship, share what is happening, but mostly to Praise God with the multitudes. Thank you again - pick one prayer request or all 10 if you desire :) I know sometimes it is nice to have specifics. Wren - as good of a writer as he is - still has the mind of a 25 week (2 week) old. :) We love you all, and I promised Wren I wouldn't bump him out too much. I'm sure he'll be anxious to write more tomorrow and replace all my "mommy words". God Bless. Michael, Erin, Emma and baby Wren

Thursday, May 8, 2003 8:02 PM CDT

Wren told me I could update his web page tonight. He is busy taking a little rest. First and foremost, I really want to thank everyone for their prayers, encouraging words, cards, and gifts that keep pouring in. I am amazed at how the body of Christ works. I know this keeps getting reitterated, but I wish for one moment every one of you could be in our shoes and feel the love, support, and protection we are feeling. From the people we know and love to the people we aren't familiar with that we also are falling in love with...your families and friends and extended aquantences that we never even dreamed would hear or much less take the time to think think and pray for us - it is basically blowing us out of the water! As we read and are touched by your scripture and servants' heart, we are absolutely melted by the love of the Father. Thank you for getting us through this. A prayer for each and every one of you...that God may bless you in return for the kindness you've shown us. That if ever you reach a time of adversity, may we return the love and prayers we feel from you. And may Wren give each and every one of you his strong little hug and kiss once he has come home :) Now about our boy! I just got back from spending some time with him. (Bless my husband's heart, he is spending some quality time at home with Emma for today and tommorow.) He, apparantly, was somewhat of a "twirp" today :) His BP is still a little unstable, so they are trying a new conglomeration of meds so as not to overuse and in turn cause the ones he is on to become ineffective. Basically they are chasing him up and down the ladder to find his balance. I'm all right with that, though. His team of medical workers is outstanding. These people are sooo smart! He is looking more and more handsome every day. His lungs are a little beat up from the ventilator, but overall he is doing very well. Specific prayer requests for him: 1) That his Blood Pressure would stabalize 2) That these tiny cists on the right hand side of his head will be nothing 3) That his lungs will continue to mature at an even rate - and that no holes will be punctured in them due to the stress that they are under 4) That his intestinal perferation will continue to heal, and his abdomen will clear of any maconia 5) That his liver and kidneys will continue to function and mature with his body 6) That his white blood cell count will level off - for some reason his cell count is abnormally high, which normally means there is an infection somewhere. The Dr.'s however, cannot find one anywhere for the bafflement of them. Their explanation is that his marrow, due to his immaturity, is releasing immature white blood cells before their time. It really does not affect him at all - just confuses everyone! 7) That within the next week or so, he'll mature enough to be taken off the ventilator 8) That soon they'll be able to start giving him some "mama's milk" to help him to start to grow - pending the healing of his intestines. 9) That God will continue to hold him in His right hand and cover him with His left! and 10) That through everything God would continue to teach our family and cause us to grow in the amazing things HE has set before us. We are very excited to get back church, work, family and friends to fellowship, share what is happening, but mostly to Praise God with the multitudes. Thank you again - pick one prayer request or all 10 if you desire :) I know sometimes it is nice to have specifics. Wren - as good of a writer as he is - still has the mind of a 25 week (2 week) old. :) We love you all, and I promised Wren I wouldn't bump him out too much. I'm sure he'll be anxious to write more tomorrow and replace all my "mommy words". God Bless. Michael, Erin, Emma and baby Wren

Thursday, May 8, 2003 4:01 PM CDT

have i mentioned to you all how much i like to play yet? when you come to see me, it is quite evident in my antics :) mommy calls it God growing/trusting time, but i still think it's play. i had a busy busy morning today - let me tell you! it started off with my good buddy dr. moyer coming up to check on my owie (noooo poopy!). so they didn't flush me or anything - no not down the toilet. anyway, they are going to keep their eye on it, but i gotta tell you, i am feeling much better in my tummy. well, i wanted to welcome my midnight nurse lastnight, so i decided to drop my BP kind of fast...i think she takes after mommy cuz she didn't think it was so funny. what she did do was order up another transfusion for today, so i got some good ol' blood this morning. well in turn she thought it would be good to tell the dr. what i did (i kept trying to tell her i was just playing - she wouldn't listen). he thought it would be a good idea to order up an ultrasound on my little head to make sure i was not badly bleeding in their...so the picture lady came and they checked my head and my belly and all those good places that might tend to leak some blood...guess what? Nothing. i told you...i was just playing. well almost nothing anyway. my left side is completely clean (on my head). my right side has 2 very very very tiny cists - which doc said just might be a normal part of development at my young age. they are going to keep their eyes on it and make sure it doesn't do anything silly. i guess when the dr. talked to mommy this afternoon, he confessed that he'd had been a little worried about it (i continually tell people - don't worry - Jesus has me). but when he talked to her this morning, i overheard him telling her that he liked my spunk and that he could tell i have a will to live. i just keep on squirmin and growing and being my cute little baby me. oh yeah, and on Sunday i will officially be 25 weeks old (2 weeks old on saturday). nurse maria says that i should be getting curious pretty soon and attempting to open my eyes. so for all you lucky bandits who venture over here in the next couple weeks - you might get to see my baby blues. so this is my blonde update. once again i say, "He who bagan a good work in me will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus...(mommy and daddy)know this because they have me in their hearts." Philippians 1:6-7. thank you for lifting me up - i feel suspended from heaven here with your prayers. keep praying for a head clear of hemorhages, and for perfect functioning organs (liver, kidneys,intestines, heart, brain, lungs, spleen, stomache and all those other good things God gave me). luv lil' wren.

Thursday, May 8, 2003 5:22 AM CDT

good morning from the NICU! sorry i didn't write at all yesterday...me and my big sis were trying to scheme and plan on how we could give mommy and daddy heart failure before their next birthday :) overall, i had a pretty good day yeasterday. when the surgeon came in to clean me out in the morning, he really did not get much yucky stuff out at all (i pleased him!). he said he'll keep coming back to check on me, but that he didn't think they would have to keep cleaning me out (but just in case - keep praying anyway). my levels on respiratory are still a little high, so they gave me a diuretic to help me pee more (yeah - a chance to show off). once i get rid of some more fluid, i should be able to bring my numbers back down. my blood sugar is also a little high - a side effect from one of my meds - so they had me on insulin all day. those smart people sure are good at knowing what to do to balance me out! so, that's about that. my daddy came to see me last night. i was so excited i turned to a nice shade of grey. (my part of the scheming). i thought i was just getting noticed...turns out i was harboring some CO2 in my lungs that was making my blood pretty acidic. now as much as i would like to be an alkaline, i think a little boy suits me better. Dr. Johnson came up and looked at me at about 10:00 or so and had a talk with daddy. from what i could here of the conversation, i really like Dr. Johnson. he said that it was a normal part of the premie stage (not one we want, but normal), and that they would give me some good stuff and balance me out some. by the time daddy left, i was pink all the way back down to my toes. daddy said he likes pink better than grey any day, and that i don't have to show off for him :) meanwhile back at the Ronald House, my big sis was doing her part of shoving a toothbrush down her throat and puking up blood for mommy. (i don't think mommy saw any humor in it at all). mommy tried calling daddy, but there is no reception in my safe little place, so she tried calling the dr. they said it sounded like she was okay cuz she could swallow and lo and behold decided that yes, she still wanted to put that confounded tooth brush back in her mouth! so needless to say mommy had dreams all night of grey and red. not a real good mix of colors. well, me and my sis talked and decided that mommy might need a little break, so i'm going to behave today and she is going back with daddy to play with reese and brenna. (i told her i'd talk to her later and maybe we would do something nice for her for mother's day). anyway...mommy will get a break, daddy will - well keep working and me and em we'll just have a little fun with 'em. :) keep praying for me (ummm, maybe for all of us!) i'm feeling better but everyday is a new turn for me! luv you all for luvin' me...and of course Praise be to my Great Big Jesus. lil' wren

Wednesday, May 7, 2003 7:03 AM CDT

good morning from little me. it's not actually :41 in the morning...it's 1:36 in the morning. who knows where the time goes? i think mommy is sleeping this time. she is starting to take wisdom from her son and letting her body rest. i had a pretty good day overall yesterday (depending on who you talk to). i again was down on my dopamine to a cc's dose which is good. my respiratory numbers are staying steady and stable. unfortunately my glucose decided to go up. i think it was after my mommy and sister came to see me...they are just so sweet i can't handle it :) anyway, they gave me a balanced med of some insulin and something else. i told mommy so she would remember, but she told me she has the brain of a slug right now. that's okay...(hopefully it will go back to normal by the time i come home!). i want you ALL to know i'm not going anywhere for a while, so if you ever get bored or are in the rochester area, please feel free to come and see me...(you have to get mommy and daddy first - i guess they have the only access to me) but other than that i would love to meet each and every one of you who has had me on their minds. i know i will eventually, but like i said - don't be bashfull. i like company. i miss my daddy. he says he's coming over tonight to relieve me for a while (from girl duty). i can't wait until he brings some boyness to my room and life. he's such a cool guy. from what i hear some day he and i are going to play baseball in the back yard while mommy and emma make us cookies...do all boys have it so good? (mommy says she'll make the cookies but daddy has to wash the dishes!) well, again, may the Lord keep you ferverant in your prayers, and if you need mommy or daddy to lift anything up for you, you can certainly tell them...(they are on their knees anyway). thank you for all your encouraging words and verses... i know it is helping mommy and daddy keep their spirits high. once again - WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE! - oh and little guys rule!

Tuesday, May 6, 2003 1:08 AM CDT

in a post addition to what mommy wrote this early morning - she called over here at about noon to see how i was doing. nurse maria is taking care of me today. cindy really needed a day off so i told her yesterday to go home and not come back until wednesday. i need her in tip top shape to keep up with me :) anyway. i am doing really good this morning. the dr. came in and cleaned me out again - still getting poopy out (little does mom know she is going to support the diaper industry with just little me!) but, my belly is soft and the dr. didn't have anything bad to say about me - he just said "well, we'll just keep coming back and keep cleaning you out!" so keep praying! my dopamine is down to .1 cc's which is as low as you can go!!!!! they are keeping me hooked up though just in case i decide to jump back up again. my oxygen is a little up and down so she's trying to find a happy balance...but like daddy says us boys need to breathe lots of oxygen to take care of all our girls. :) i took the procedure of cleaning really well - what can i say, when you're hot you're hot. k- love you all and i'll tell you more later (i gotta keep you hangin on for more!) lil' wren
this is for all you mommies out there who wake up in the middle of the night thinking about your baby boys and girls. my mommy just woke up (i know this because i'm awake all night, and i know when she's awake cuz then i really like to get jiggy and move around). i tell her she really should go back to sleep, but she says the middle of the night is when God tugs at her heart the most. she says she has this "mommy-monster-thing" that puts aside everything else but her babies. (even sleep - man she's crazy!) she says a good story to read that helps her stay strong is the story of Hannah (Elkanah's husband). Elkanah loved Hannah, but he couldn't understand her agony (over being barren). "Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad?" he asked. "Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (mommy says that's a very boyee thing to say.) husbands and daddies, even loving ones, sometimes don't understand a woman's heart. i'm learning that the older i get - i am already 1 week and 3 days! (whew) - but God does. (understand that is). anyway, so Hannah went to the temple and pured out her request to God, making a vow that if He would give her a son, she would dedicate him to the Lord all the days of his life. i think mommy says she and daddy and the rest of the world are doing that with me right now. In her great distress, she "prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly." Her groanings were so deep in her heart that her lips moved, but no words came out. Seeing her, the priest Eli accused her of being drunk (again mommy says another boyee thing to do :) Hannah's answer to Eli was, "No, my lord, I am a woman oppressed in spirit; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink but I have poured out my soul before the Lord." Eli then gave her his blessing and asked the Lord to grant her request. Hannah left the temple, no longer burdened and sad, and the next morning she rose up and worshiped God. The Lord heard Hannah's prayer and granted her petition. In time, Samuel was born to Elkanah and Hannah. - so the story goes on about Hannah trusting Eli to train Samuel (even though it was quite the godless environment) and how for every stitch for every robe she made him a prayer from her aching heart - for God's protection and His favor, and for His glory and purpose to be accomplished through her son's life. mommy says that i'm kind of like Samuel. and that God has a big plan for me to glorify Him in all that i am and do. i'm so glad that God does the work in me, that's an aweful lot to think about. mommy says that with everyone praying in the middle of the night and all through the day it gives her a chance to just rest in Jesus knowing i'm covered with prayer ALL the time - as Jesus stirs your hearts with thoughts of me :) gosh - i sure feel special. but then she also says that when God stirs her heart with thoughts of me (all the time) she just can't seem to do anything but pray and petition for more prayers...even, like i said, in the middle of the night. i give her grace (no not grey hairs - well maybe) on that one. i love that she thinks about me. well, i'm gonna go and tell her to get to bed. she has to entertain my big sister tomorrow, and i know she doesn't lack in NRG. so my littlest love to all you mommies with that "mommy-monster-thing" out there. we serve a mighty God - thank you. luv wren michael.

Monday, May 5, 2003 6:56 PM CDT

mommy,emma, papa and gramma just came up to see me. that was really nice. mommy said that daddy couldn't come because he had to make sure we still had a roof over our heads when we come home - or something like that. that's okay. i told mommy to tell him that i would take care of her and em while he was away. i'm feelin pretty good today. i'm down on my dopamine to 2 mics from 5. that's really good, but i'm up on my oxygen to about 50ecause i'm carrying a little bit more fluid in my little body. i like to work my lungs out. i'm so tired of just laying in one spot i figure i can at least work out my inners! when they came to clean me out this morning they were still getting gunky stuff out so keep tellin Jesus that i need his healing touch. but on a good point they didn't need to turn all my levels up near as much when they were cleaning me which means that i'm a very tolerant little one :) (emma says this is a good thing cuz mommy likes to pick her little one's noses - how do you pick a nose? i like the one i have.) i want to tell you so much more - like the fact that i'm a figity igity gibit. mommy says i felt a lot bigger when i was inside of her for as much as i move. i think i'll run marathons when i'm older. or else daddy is going to have to build me a hampster wheel. anyway - i know i haven't said much tonight but i can hear my sister all the way from st. mary's - and she's not very happy. i need to go have a talk with her. big sis to little bro. i love you all and am petitioning for your constant prayer support. thank you thank you thank you. luv little wren michael.

Sunday, May 4, 2003 4:11 PM CDT

oh goodness it's been 12 hours since i last wrote - i took a long nap today! daddy and mommy are SOOO Proud of me. my levels have been very very good today, and i've been shocking the pants off my nurse Deb. i had my oxygen level down to 25% for "many many hours" and i've heard through the grape vine that you so called big people breathe 21% oxygen in your normal air. they also turned my ventilation pumps down quite a bit and let me show off for a while on how well i could breathe. mommy, daddy and emma stopped by for a little while this morning before they went to mankato. i was a busy boy last night trying to clean myself out, and the dr. got quite a bit more poopy out this morning. not really a good thing i guess - but what am i supposed to do? hold it in? i don't think so. so now i'm just asking Jesus to please please please patch up my intestinal hole so i don't have to have this drafted drain in my belly anymore. i'm very excited to start eating and putting on weight. i really really want to move to the next room where i can have my own incubator and not a tube down my throat. i don't like it! anyway, patience is something i think i have to learn. keep praying for me and my mommy and daddy and emma. they worry too much. i keep telling them i've got Jesus right next to me, and i know they know this, they just need to continually be surrounded in prayer and reminded that He is a BIG God for a little boy like me :) i'll tell you more later....love little wren

Sunday, May 4, 2003 4:19 AM CDT

mommy came up to see me for a little while last night. she says i'm doing much better than the night before. my belly does not feel so sore anymore, and she says it's starting to return to it's normal color. i guess i need to trust her on this one 'cuz i can't see my tummy yet! i was a little restless tonight, and as much as i want to hold still, i still wanted to show mom that NOTHING is going to slow me down :) all my vitals and numbers are remaining very stable. i try so hard :) i was trying to show her how i've been practicing my breathing in between ventilation pumps. she said she was very proud of me and that i'm getting stronger - but to rest and let the machines do the work for me so i can put all my energy into growing and getting better. i told her i've been tanning in my spare time. my hair is even more blonde than before, and my skin is looking great. (phototherapy). my blood sugar levels are coming down which is GREAT. all the nurses over here take such good care of me! when i grow up someday, i wanna be smart just like them :) mommy and daddy and emma are going to go to our big home today to pick up some more things and drop off daddy. i sure am going to miss my guy time with daddy, but i guess i can let him go back to work for a while. he says that mommy and emma have given him sole motivation to go back to work this week. i still don't know what he means by that. i'm surrounded by women all day and i think it's just peachy! anyway, the really nice Dr. Moyer who put the little drain in my tummy is coming by this morning about 8:00 to clean me out again. i guess is better get some r and r before he comes. i'll give you an update before my afternoon nap though. Love you all and keep praying for me!!!!! wren michael

Saturday, May 3, 2003 1:54 PM CDT

well, my big sister and mommy and daddy just came by to see me. emma colored me a beautiful picture to hang on my wall so when my eyes open, i'll have something pretty to look at. the dr.'s told me that i did great during the "surgery". they apparantly drained A LOT of poopy out of me. i guess i had it everywhere down my legs and on my blankets and stuff. then, this morning, they cleaned me out again. it wasn't as much this time, but i keep it coming. my philosophy is better on the outside than on the inside. i'm feeling pretty sick today. they have me on a few meds that are kind of keeping me still. my numbers on pretty much everything have gone up, but that's okay. i'll let the machines do the work for me until i feel better. they have me on antibiotics which i mentioned, but they also had to turn up me insulin. because i'm not feeling too good my white blood cell count is low, and my body is just not functioning the way it should. my glucose is a little high, so they stopped one med and started a different one. this must be what it's like to be a girl. first i'm wanting sweets because of high sodium, and now i want something else because of high sugar! nurse cindy says that's okay. we can't expect my body to do everything right now. i'm still just a little guy. they will continue to come in and flush me out for the next few days. i guess they say if i don't get all the infection out, i run the risk of being overrun by the pesky little bacteria, and that would be not so good for me. so pray that the bacteria get sick of being in me and go into a bunch of swine to run into a river. that would be nice. my belly is all black and blue from the infection but mommy says i look pretty darn handsome. i was showing off my blond hair when they got here. man i'm cute! other than that just keep praying my other organs and vitals stay stable and healthy and that the infection does not spread anywhere else. i'm gonna go take another nap again, but i would love it if you would drop me a line (mom says you can call her while i'm sleeping). don't feel like you are intruding my space at all cuz i love hearing from all of you. praise be to God for all He has done for me. God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever and ever. He is the One who sustains me and gives me life and completes every last detail that He started in me, and you know what? i believe He will be faithful to complete it in me. i sure am glad i serve this awesome God. ttfn - wren michael

Saturday, May 3, 2003 9:48 AM CDT

for those of you who have not yet read my previous and first statement, just check out the journal history, and it should be the one right before this one :) mommy tried to call over here just a couple minutes ago to talk to me, but they have me all hooked up and ready to be drained again, so i told her i would call her back. she does not yet know if i had a good night or a restless one, and i think i'll keep her guessing for just a couple more hours. but as soon as they get finished with me i'll let her know that i am doing just fine. and i'm sure she'll tell everyone she knows cuz it's like this daddy says, "tellagraph, tellaphone, tellamommy" (she's not very good at surprises or secrets in case you didn't know). anyway, i'll give you an update hopefully later on today, it's one on those tired days again where i think i'll just lay back and rest. God Bless all of you and God Bless Me - Wren Michael

Friday, May 2, 2003 10:58 PM CDT

it's kind of late tonight, and i meant to write sooner, but i guess mommy said i had a pretty rough day and i should rest. as most of you know, i gave mommy and daddy a big surprise this week. i decided that saturday was a good day to come into the world (from what mommy says God knew all along and had it planned way before i did - daddy says i have about as much patience as mommy does, whatever that means). anyway at 11:07 all 1 lb. 3 1/2 oz. of me came in crying just like the rest of those babies who, for some reason, decide to enjoy life inside the womb for 3 more months.(i guess there is a little discrepancy on my weight. my birth certificate says 1 lb 3 1/2 oz and the sign above my bed says 1 lb. 5 oz.) niether mommy nor daddy heard me cry though 'cuz mommy was busy sleepin and daddy was busy speeding over here...but don't worry the nurse told him to slow down. i guess i need to work on my cry a little more if i'm gonna wake mommy up in the middle of the night to eat. i'm pretty excited for that - i hear it's good stuff :) anyway, my week has been pretty uneventful thus far, for a 23 week old boy. today, however, i was feeling a little extra bloated, and my little body just couldn't take the pressure so i accidentally perferrated a hole in my intestines. (mommy says i get my gas ability from dad). i'm too little to have an examined surgery right now so they decided to put a drain into my belly and get all that poopy stuff out. Dr. Moyer says this works as good as anything - so he wasn't too worried. they cleaned me out good today and tomorrow morning about 8:00 they'll come in and do the same. for the next 7-10 days they are giving me that yummy stuff called antibiotics for my infection and letting me drain. ya know i just got off of those on wednesday - i think my body missed them. the only problem i run into is nurse Cindy says i'm a really good peerer and they can't really strap the diaper over my drain tube. oh well, i gotta show them how tough i am by how far i can shoot. mommy says one boy is good enough for her. from what i hear, i serve a pretty big God who is holding my hand through all of this. daddy says i have to tell him what HE is like when i start talking. i wanted to thank everyone for praying for me and thinking of me...i guess i can get some of you pretty wriled up out there...especially mommy - hee hee. she says i scare the begeebees out of her when i pull stuff like this, but i just thought i'd add a little shuffle to her life. i have very very blond hair, and a goghtie (i'm little - i still don't know how to spell) bigger than daddies on my chin. ALL blond! as far as my stay goes...it's a little louder here. lots of bells and whistles. mommy says she'll set some alarms in my room when i get home, just so i don't feel out of place. they have this pesky tube down my throat right now that i like to pull at. it's supposed to help me breathe, but personally i think i could do it better so i try to fight the machines, which then sends the nurses into a scurry to switch some of my breathing levels. personally i think it's just fun to see them move. i have an owie on my tummy from - well, i don't know what. i've got a lot of tubes and bandaids and wires, which of course i did not plan for when i came out. but it's getting better. i just thought i could go home with mommy 3 months early! she says no. (emma says i'll hear that word a lot). anyway, mommy says i need to go get some rest now, i've had a long day. but i hope to write again tomorrow so that you all know that i'm a tough little guy. daddy calls me nails. something about dynamite comes in small packages, so i guess even us little guys have to prove ourselves - go boys! keep praying for me if ya think of it. i get kind of tired some days, and for some reason those dr's say that girls develop their lungs better or more easily than boys. i think they are all just smitten by the girls, and again i'll have to prove them wrong, but i think i might need God's help on this one. so if ya could just tell the Big Guy above me that i could really use some lung power. i can't wait to meet everyone, and i hear a have lots of fans and gifts waiting for me. love you all and i'll keep you posted. (sorry there is no picture of me with this one...daddy says he's been kind of busy holding down the two girls or something....how hard could it be to entertain a post partum sleepless mom and a 2 1/2 year old sister who thinks she's 3? He's tells me to get well SOON). God Bless. Wren Michael Eccles

Friday, May 2, 2003 12:13 AM CDT

PRAYER ALERT!!!

Erin just called and said that the doctors have identified a spot on the intestines that may indicate that there is a hole although they are not positive at this moment. They will know shortly. If there is a hole, it would require surgery so that the wastes would not go into the body causing infection. They are going to put Wren back on antibiotics immediately. This discovery is not unusal at this time but it is very serious, if in fact it is accurate. When the doctors have made their determination, the only remedy is to have surgery to suture up the hole and they would schedule that for sometime today.

On a positive note, they said that his vital signs are very stable.

This is a "scary" development as Erin has said. Thanks for your specific prayers on this situation.

Thursday, May 1, 2003 10:58 PM CDT

We spoke to Erin tonight. There was "no" real news which is really "wonderful" news for a baby who is 5 1/2 days old. For those who have not looked at the picture today, I changed it from yesterday. When you open it up, you may need to move it to the right just a little. You will see Michael's wedding ring on Wren's arm. It helps to put into perspective Wren's actual size.

Micheal went back to the hospital after they had visited as a family and had some "significant guy" time with Wren. Way to go dad!

What a blessing to see a new relationship being developed.

Becky and I, Michael, Erin, Emma and Wren want to thank everyone for their prayers. We are experiencing the "Family of God" in ways we have never experienced it before and it is really "AWSOME!"

Stay tuned for the next chapter!

Thursday, May 1, 2003 12:23 AM CDT

I just talked to Erin on the telephone. She talked with the nurse specifically about the brain ultrasound. The nurse gave a "great report!" The brain is "perfectly normal." Praise God! They will do a follow-up test in 2 to 4 weeks to verify today's report.

The nurse also said the Wren as a little "twitty." That's a medical term I'm unfamiliar with... they are going to increase the morphine just a little to calm him down.

His oxygen is ranging between 30% and 50% which I understand is a pretty typical variance.

They anticipate starting to add some powder to his feeding tube within 2 to 4 weeks to start working on some weight gain.

I asked how Emma was adjusting. Erin said that she is beginning to adjust.

I will continue to keep you posted.

Thursday, May 1, 2003 7:34 AM CDT

The most recent information we have is: Wren is at 40% oxygen. He rested very well on Tuesday night and the doctor's were encouraged. He will be 5 days old today at 11:08 a.m. The doctor's planned to take Wren off of antibiotics on Tuesday because he didn't have any infections. The ultrasound on his brain did not reveal any blood, which is very good news.

The doctors told Erin that "if" and we are believing "when," Wren leaves the hospital, he will be the youngest baby the neonatal unit has sent home with mom and dad.

Mike and Erin settled into the Ronald McDonald house late Wednesday night. Mike's employer is trying to work out a 4 day work week for him for the immediate future so that Mike can spend three days with Erin, Emma and Wren and be a family. Praise God!

Wednesday, April 30, 2003 9:31 PM CDT

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