History

Monday, December 29, 2008

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!! Ours was good. Chris and I don't really seem to have much Christmas spirit since Kevin passed away. I thought it might be different this year since we have Scotty...but it wasn't. We didn't even decorate the Christmas tree. Sounds pathetic doesn't it? Grace didn't really care. She had put a couple of things on it. I guess just as long as it had lights and there were going to be presents put underneath that was all that mattered.

Little Miss will be turning 7 years old tomorrow. She is a very big girl for 7 years old. At this rate, she'll probably be taller than me and her dad by the time she is in the 8th grade. She likes to play ball with Scotty. She brings a ball to him and sits down and says, "Let's play ball like I used to do with Kevy." Scotty squeals with excitement every time she rolls the ball to him. She is getting to be a bit of a diva and Chris and I are working on that. She is also extremely sensitive. I don't know what to do about that. I was sensitive as a child too...but not like her. It's draining at times.

Scotty is healthy and is strong as an ox. He won't even attempt to crawl yet. The doctor said that he should be scooting around somehow by the time he is 9 months old. He will be 8 months old this week. (Time flies.) He loves to stand up. He might skip the crawling phase and go right to walking. Lord help me. He is about 25 pounds now and stands about 4 inches below my hipline. He got a couple of things from Santa - but not too much. Santa knew that he had plenty of Kevy's toys to play with. He still only has 6 teeth - but I think some more might be on their way. He tries to bite (me in particular.) His Gan and Pop have taught him "so big" like Kevy. He's too cute. He is starting to act like a boy and throw things. He also learned how to scream. He screams really really loud like a little girl. That's how he gets your attention. He also learned how to take the tray off of his high chair and he hands it to you. As soon as you snap it back on, he has it off again. And if you run out of food before he is full - watch out! He gets very angry when that happens. He also pounds his hand on the tray when you aren't feeding him fast enough.

We have been having issues with getting to the cemetery lately. It's been either too cold to take the baby out or it's been raining. They close at 5pm for the winter months so we can't go during the week at all. I don't get off work until after 5pm. And you know what? I feel guilty about it. I tell Kevy "good night" each night before I lay my head down and I tell him that I'm sorry we haven't been there. We can go Thursday since it is a holiday. Hopefully the weather will cooperate. I'm really looking forward to Spring when we can spend more time there and have a picnic or two. Scotty should be walking by then.

I had issues last night while I was trying to fall asleep. I was thinking about Grace getting married. That won't be for another 20 years - but I thought about walking down that center aisle in church and it really bothered me. I don't want to sit in that front pew. I don't want to walk down that center aisle. I don't want to stand in the vestibule or in front of the church. Twenty years from now will still feel like it was yesterday when Kevin's casket was wheeled down that center aisle for his funeral. Forty years from now isn't going to be any better either. I remembered standing in the vestibule watching the ushers fumbling, trying to figure out how to get the cover to fit over his tiny casket so that it wouldn't drag on the floor as it was made for an adult casket. It doesn't make any sense for me to worry about it now. But I had a hard time getting it out of my head last night. I eventually cried myself to sleep. I shouldn't worry...she can get married in the chapel...or better yet, become a nun. :)

Chris is doing well also. We don't get to do too much besides work and take care of the kids.

I hope that you all have a safe New Year's. I'll be sleeping through it like I have been for the past 7 years. Take care!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Things are going really well. Scotty just turned 6 months old and has started wearing size 18 month clothes! He is MASSIVE! And he such a happy baby. Nothing brings him down or upsets him. Not even when all 6 of his teeth came in! Four teeth came in all at once on the top.

He is starting to realize when I walk away that I'm out of sight and he fusses - but only for a minute. He also discovered Barbie's last night (I haven't told his father about that.) The Barbie's cracked him up! They played 'peek a boo'.

He's rolling over (and has been for a while), but that's all. No sitting up (although not for a lack of trying) and no crawling or signs of wanting to crawl. I think his size has something to do with it.

He is eating baby food and does really well. He could probably be ready for table food soon - but I'm not taking any chances. He can wait another month or so.

Gracie is doing well and is getting ready to turn 7 at the end of the year. She is doing well with Scotty. She did have an issue last night though...she came in to our room crying at 2am. She asked if Scotty died, would we have another baby. I told her that he was fine and in his crib sleeping. She got in bed with us and she said that in her dream she killed him accidentally. I told her that it was just a bad dream and he was fine. She cried herself to sleep after 20 minutes. When she woke up I didn't ask her anything about her dream because I didn't want to upset her. I hope she sleeps better tonight.

Chris and I are both doing well too. Same old stuff with us. We do have our 8th wedding anniversary coming up next week. November 11th - which is also Kevy's birthday. He would have been 5 years old. I think a lot about how things should be...he should be in pre-school. He should have been going trick or treating with us. He should be riding a bike and getting ready for Santa. He missed out on a lot by leaving us so soon. I get angry about that at times - but there isn't anything I can do to change our situation. We still miss him just as much. I was thinking just the other day how people think just because you have other kids that it doesn't hurt so bad. I could have 20 more and I would still cry for Kevy every night. It wouldn't make a difference. He would still be gone.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Scotty is a MOOSE! He's got to weigh at least 23 pounds by now. He is bigger than the 1 year old at his daycare! He started "real" daycare this past Monday. Nina had him in the mornings and Gan had him in the afternoons. I needed to get him switched over before he started to be scared of strangers. Her name is Delia and I actually lucked out. She is next door to an old neighbor of ours who also watches kids. Delia watches a 1 year old girl from 9-3 three days a week and another pre-schooler from 12-3 three days a week. He has her to himself quite a bit. He is very happy when I drop him off and pick him up. Shoot, he's always happy anyways. He is a very good baby. He's not sleeping through the night yet. He gets up once for a bottle but he always goes right back to sleep. He doesn't take a pacifier either. He does like to suck on his toes now. If he has on socks, he will take them off to get to his feet.

Tubby time is getting interesting. He LOVES his tubbies...but I am starting to get just as wet as he is. He kicks and splashes constantly. He also tries to roll over out of the bath seat that I lay him in. It's funny to slowly pour water on him out of a cup and watch him try to catch the stream of water. Kevy used to do that with the sink water. He would grab at it coming out of the faucet and then look in his hands and wonder where it went.

Grace has started 1st grade and likes school (most days). She gets a little bored at times. I told her that it won't always be so easy. She asked me the other day if the doctor cried when Kevy died. (I don't know where that came from.) I told her that he didn't. She wanted to know why. I explained that he didn't know Kevy very well. She said, "The doctor cried when you had Nicky put to sleep." That is true. Our vet cried over us losing our parrot - but the doctor didn't cry when we lost our son right in front of him. That's a shame that they are so used to it that it doesn't affect them or maybe they just don't want to show emotion. I don't know how to explain this to a 6 year old. I got upset thinking about that moment when we lost Kevy and I didn't want to talk about it with her anymore so I changed the subject. I told Chris what she had asked and that one day, when she is a little older, she is going to want to know more. A lot more. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it.

I think of Kevin so much. Scotty is wearing Kevy's old clothes and drooling all over his toys. Lord help me when it's time to get that ball popper toy out of storage. Kevy LOVED that thing. I can hear the music from it in my head.

Scotty goes for some more immunizations next week. I'm dreading that. But I am curious to see how much he weighs and what the doctor will say about his size. He doesn't like rice cereal. He knows how to eat from a spoon very well...it's just the funny looks and the shivers that he gets after I put the cereal into his mouth tells me that he's not thrilled with the taste. I don't want to mix in fruit because then it will be horrible to get him to start veggies once he hits 6 months and is ready for baby food. I bought oatmeal. We'll see if he likes that. The doctor had told me not to start cereal until he was 6 months anyways...but you all know how well I listen to doctors. :) But I know he is ready for it now. It's not like he's gonna gain a bunch of weight from eating cereal once a day. I guess we'll see. I have wonderful new pics of Scotty. I'll get them up ASAP. Take care!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Little man is around 20 pounds now and is teething! He seems young to be teething - but he is the appropriate size for a baby to be teething.

He was baptized in mid July. Nina and Bernie are his Godparents. He was so chubby that I couldn't get the dress fastened around his neck. Scotty screamed every time the Deacon came around him. He was NOT a happy camper. We had a little family get-together at our home afterwards. My cousin made him a beautiful sweater that you can see in the pictures that I added. (The pictures are WAY oversized, but we are working on getting that fixed.)

He is full of smiles and his giggles are just adorable. He is ticklish on his tummy. It's kind of like tickle torture for him, but I love his laugh so much that I can't help myself. He is trying to sit up from a laying position. He doesn't like to be reclined. He wants to sit up and look at the action. He has also discovered Baby Einstein and The Wiggles. He also likes Bunnytown on the Disney Channel. I finally put in a Wiggles video for him yesterday. He loved it...and I felt like throwing up as soon as I heard the "Hot Potato" song. That song is on Kevy's memorial video. I got over it - eventually. I still know the words to all of their songs. How sad.

I am getting MUCH better at calling him by his name and not Kevy. I told him the other day how good I was doing with that...and then I told him that he was a very pretty girl. Hey, I'm not perfect! Good thing he can't understand what I'm saying.

Gracie told me the other day that since we have Scotty she doesn't cry every day. She didn't cry every day anyways - but it means that she is more happy than sad now. Chris and I are too. Scotty does make our lives a little easier to bear. I watched some of Kevy's home movies last week. I was able to smile and laugh at how precious he was. I loved his giggles and how he would always have to close his eyes when he would laugh.

Someone told me about another little girl's CaringBridge page. I'm addicted to her. Now I know how you all felt about watching over Kevy. My heart just aches for her mother knowing that eventually she is going to lose her daughter and what she will have to go through once that time comes. Through Caring Bridge I saw other children's links and some have passed away. In one of them was a like to YouTube for her memorial video. Once I was in there crying watching hers, there were others that came up as related videos. I sat in front of my computer for HOURS watching these babies and toddler's memorial videos crying my eyes out. But I couldn't stop myself. It was painful to watch - but I wanted to know that they existed. I wanted to take in all I could about them and their brief little lives. I don't understand why these little souls are put here for such a short time. And to go through what most of them have to in the little time they are here. It's so frustrating.

Anyways, before I get upset about it I'll go ahead and sign off. I could just go on and on. You all take care! (and pray that I make it through this teething time without going insane!)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I took Scotty for his 2 month check up last week...he is 16 pounds! He is 25 inches long. The doctor told me that normally a baby can start cereal or baby food around 3-4 months, but he can't. She says that he needs to be at least 6 months old because of his size. He's not fat, he's just very, very big. She wants him to be able to work off the extra calories he will be receiving from additional foods before I start giving them to him. I mentioned to her that he had developed a wet cough - but she said he sounded fine. So now I have to take him back (today) because it is A LOT worse. It's a little scary. I'm a bit over sensitive because of Kevy. Speaking of...when I took him to the doc last week, I accidentally signed him in as Kevin McLane. So the receptionist asked, "Is this appt for Scott or Kevin???" I looked at her funny and asked why she mentioned Kevin. Then she showed me the sign in sheet. I felt like an idiot. Then I sat down in my seat and started to cry. Anyways, hopefully things will go well for him today. He doesn't seem to be bothered by the cough, but it kept him awake a lot last night. (And Mommy too.)

Gracie and Chris are doing well. We had to have one of our pets put to sleep last week which was hell for me. Nicky bird (who I've had for more than 10 years) was suffering from liver failure (how ironic). It was very hard for me and Chris to watch her go, but at least I was holding her at the time and she knew we were there. She had her eyes closed, but towards the end, she opened up just one eye and looked at me and then she closed it again and was gone. The poor vet even cried. Gracie cried a bit for the first 2 days, but is better now. She says that Kevy has Nicky on his shoulder now.

Scotty gets baptized on Saturday morning. We are just having family attend and then we will have a BBQ at our house. Nina and Bernie are his Godparents. I think it will be a good day.

I have started back to work (ick). I'm only part time for the month of July though. I figured I would just dip my toes in rather than jump in with both feet. Nina watches Scotty while I'm at work and Gracie is in camp for the month. Her first day was yesterday and she wasn't all that impressed with her first camp experience. Ah well, she'll get used to it. It stinks to have to go back to work as soon as the baby gets interesting and starts to interact with you. He smiles so much and giggles and coos. He is so damn cute!

I'll get more pics up soon! Take care!!

Monday, June 16, 2008 7:21 AM

Our son is 6 weeks old and weighs an amazing 14lbs 7ozs!! He eats A LOT! I worry about what our grocery bill will look like when he's 12. He had to go to the doctor the other day because he had been up crying from 1am to 6am (lucky me) and he had a slight fever. Well, a fever in such a small baby freaked me out a little bit. I couldn't call the doctor until 8:30am Friday morning so I held him with a little cold cloth on his head. As he layed there sleeping in my arms looking pitiful, I cried. It just brought back memories of when Kevy wasn't feeling well. After the nurse weighed him she asked his age and I told her. She looked at him and said, "JESUS!". I thought that was funny. The doctor came and looked at him and said his ear didn't look right. She said that she was really unhappy about that since he was so young. She said it didn't look really bad, but it wasn't normal and was inflammed and red. She said that babies his age have fluid in their ears and maybe it had just flared up. Or it could be an infection. She said that a baby his age couldn't just automatically get antibiotics. He would need blood work and a urine culture. A said, "by cath?" And she said it would have to be. So, we argued for a few seconds on that. She forgot she was dealing with a pro. She said, "Let me think about all this and what we are going to do" and she left the room. She came back and said that he could go home and if his fever got above 100.5 or if I couldn't control his fussiness then he would need to go to the hospital and all of those tests would need to be done. I was giving him a bottle when she was telling me all this and I pointed out that he wasn't crying when sucking so I figured he would end up being OK. She wanted to see him the next morning (Saturday) and have the ear looked at again just to make sure it was getting better and not worse. (Saturday hours at a doctors office - isn't that great??) He did perfectly fine that night and looked good at the doctors office the next day. I can't tell you how impressed I was with the doctors there and I am so happy that I switched!!

He is still eating 2 times at night. I hope that he will have that down to 1 or even 0 by the time I go back to work. I go back part time on July 7th and full time August 1st. I think it stinks that you have to go back just when they are starting to do such cute things. He's smiling now (it's crooked and adorable) and he is cooing a little bit. He's getting really good at holding his head up and he is freakishly strong.

Since he was a breach baby he has to get his hips checked by sonogram which will be done today. He needs to go to the hospital for that since he's so young. I think those people will be in for a surprise when they try to pull his legs straight and he fights them. It's hard since he's so darn strong.

We took him on his first real outing back at the end of May for the Children's Memorial Ceremony at JHH. Some of Kevy's gals got to see and hold him. It was nice to see them too.

I recently had my 6 week check up with the doctor and got the go ahead for a real bath. I decided to share it with Scotty. He slept through the entire thing. He never opened his eyes. His whole body just floated on top of the water and his arms and legs were stretched out. It was pretty funny. He does really well at tubby time and seems to really enjoy it.

He is spending most of his day awake and alert now and has discovered the TV. The cartoons catch his eye because of the bright colors. And yes, he has watched one of Kevy's Baby Einstein videos and he loved it. I only showed it to him once so far. I don't want him getting addicted too early.

He will be baptized on July 12th. He will wear the gown I was baptized in - I just hope it fits him a month from now.

Well, I'm sure there are many things that I wanted to tell you all but have forgotten to include them today. I'll snap more pics of him and get them loaded (hopefully they won't download so huge.)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Well, he's almost 2 weeks old already! We got home from the hospital on Sunday morning around 11am. I was SO happy to get home. Scotty has settled in wonderfully. He wants his bottle every 3 hours (well, WANTED it every 3 hours. Now he wants it every 2!) His icky little belly button finally fell off today. He'll be ready for a real tubby in a few days once that's all healed up. I can hardly wait for my own tubby. My wound is healing pretty well too. I tend to do a bit too much during the day and then I pay for it at night and first thing in the morning. I have my doctors appt tomorrow. Scotty had his first appt last Tuesday. He was 8lb 13oz when we left the hospital. They said that he would probably go down as much as 8lb 4oz before he started to put his weight back on. Well...when he was weighed at 5 days old, he was 9lb 6oz! The doctor was surprised and said it should have taken him 2 weeks to put his weight back on. I'm guessing he's a smidge over 10lbs now. He feels light to me after holding chunky monkey Kevy.

Chris and I are getting better at calling Scotty by his name and not calling him Kevy. That was quite hard the first week. It is a hard habit to break. We kept correcting each other. Gracie corrects us too. She is so happy to finally have him here. She is very patient with him and is constantly giving him kisses. She has fed him a few times and loves to hold him. I am spoiling him...but I don't care. He deserves it.

I lay with him in bed sometimes and end up crying because I think about Kevy and the things that both he and I missed out on as a mother and son. I get upset too thinking about all that Kevy endured in his 2 years with us and what he had already gone through at Scotty's age of less than 2 weeks old. He sure was a tough one. I don't even think I'm that strong.

Chris is home from work for a few weeks and I think he's really enjoying spending the time with his new son and taking care of things around the house. He weights on me also - I'm enjoying that part. :)

I'll post some pics shortly - I haven't done it in a while so I have to figure it out. I'll go try to work on that now while Mr. Scott is resting. You all take care!!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Good evening everyone! Little Scotty has arrived! Everything went smoothly. We were scheduled for the OR at 2pm and he was born at 2:37pm. He was 9lbs 3ozs and was 21 1/2 inches long. He's got dirty blonde hair and LOTS of it! The surgery went fine - I was a bit scared but mostly about the pain. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. My first night here was horrible because I was uncomfortable and they have no nursery which meant that I had Scotty with me all night and I couldn't get out of bed. The next day was much better and I got my catheter out and was able to shower. I've been up and moving around. I've taken myself off of the pain medication and am only on Motrin now. Scotty was starting to get a little fussy last night, but it was because all of the sudden he wanted much more food than he had been taking. He now takes a full 2oz bottle and only eats every 3-4 hours. He's already on a schedule! (We'll see how long that lasts.) He had is doodle snipped and we've been taking care of it. It is our first experience with that issue. Scotty is handling it very well. He's perfect and extremely strong. He is already holding his head up and when we try to change his diaper, it is very hard to pull his legs down. All of the nurses have commented on his beautiful hair and how strong he is. Chris and I keep calling him Kevin but we catch ourselves and each other so hopefully we will get out of that habit very soon. If not, little Scotty will grow up with some sort of identity issues. :)

I will be getting out of the hospital a day early! I get to go home tomorrow rather than Monday. I'll be more comfortable at home and there really isn't any need for us to stay here since we are both doing so well.

Gracie got to come see her little brother after school on Thursday and was busting at the seams with pride. Daddy is doing wonderfully also. If anyone needs to reach us, you can call Chris' cell phone at 240-375-2894. Hopefully we won't get out of here too late tomorrow. I'll start bugging them immediately in the morning. :)

You all take care and we'll post pics soon of our little guy.

Saturday, April 26, 2008 9:14 AM CDT

We are on the home stretch! Less than a week to go. It still hasn't really sunk in yet that he is actually going to come out and we will have a baby to take care of. I think it may not hit me until I hear him screaming once he arrives. I had my last sonogram yesterday. He's huge and doing fine. The SUA has compensated for itself and he is getting all of the nutrition he needs. They are saying he will be about 10lbs when he arrives so I think that is pretty obvious that he is getting enough nutrition!! I'm hoping they are off by a little bit and he'll be around 9lbs. I would like for him to be able to wear his 0-3 month outfits at least once.

We are doing fine and are pretty much ready for him. The bottles are washed and put away, his cradle is ready, we have diapers and wipes and his clothes are all clean and folded (but not all put away just yet.)

I go to the hospital at 12:30pm Thursday and am scheduled for the OR at 2pm. Things happen and I might get pushed back for other emergencies, but I'm hoping that won't happen. I'm also hoping that I don't go into labor before I am scheduled. Keep your fingers crossed!

We'll keep in touch!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Well, I got my date changed! The perinatologist said that I couldn't have the baby before May 1st. So, when I went to the doctor yesterday I asked her about it. By the time I had gotten out of the exam room they had already checked with the hospital for an OR opening and were reviewing the doctors schedules to see who would be available to do the surgery. They called me on my cell 10 minutes after I left and said that they had it all arranged. Dr. Brooks will be delivering Scotty on May 1st at 2pm. He delivered Kevy too.

The doctor asked if I would be willing to stop work now. She said 8 hours a day can be stressful and she doesn't want me to go into labor. I told her that I didn't work 8 hours a day...I work 9 1/2. She rolled her eyes and wasn't pleased. But, I can sit on my butt at work just as easy as sitting on my butt at home. I tend to snack more when I'm at home. She checked me and he's still sitting up there pretty high so I think it will be fine. It's only 2 weeks from tomorrow! I can't believe how fast all this is going.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Well, (heavy sigh) I have to wait until May 5th to have the baby. I'll be just a smidge under 40 weeks. Cinco de Mayo. All I could think about was him getting trashed for every birthday after he hits 21 because it's a party night at clubs. I guess I don't have to worry about that just yet...

The doctor said I could go a few days earlier if I went to Holy Cross hospital which I'm not willing to do. She mentioned that they have a good NICU there. There won't be anything wrong with Scotty so I don't care about their NICU. Their nursing care sucks. The doc said that she has other scheduled c-sections and the mothers would be further along than me, plus they are booked at Shady Grove so I have to wait. I told her I was worried about labor and she said that if I did go into labor that they might make me go to Holy Cross. That's not going to happen. I won't call their office first, I will just show up at Shady Grove. They can't make me move hospitals once I already show up at one.

She also told me to "take it easy". I asked her what she meant by that and she told me to stop walking. No stairs, no grocery store, etc. (She didn't mention no dishes or no cooking dinner though - I'll have to ask for more clarification on my next visit.) She said that she wouldn't put me on bedrest because she knows I don't want to stop working. But she is nervous that I will go into labor early since I have extra amniotic fluid around the baby and my uterus is getting stretched more than it should. He will probably weigh around 9lbs at the rate he is growing. I saw on the sonogram that he has A LOT of hair too.

So, I'll try to take it easy until either labor kicks in or May 5th arrives. It's not too bad sitting a lot at work, but it's hard to do at home. (Maybe towards the last week of April I will start running around to get him to come out. I think I might be pretty tired of having him in there by that time.)

Friday, April 4, 2008

I had my sonogram...the doctor can't understand why Scotty is so BIG! I don't have the gestestional diabetes (and I can stop pricking my fingers now). He said that with the SUA issue, he had 2 women just this week that the babies stopped growing. One even had to deliver early because of it. He said that I have the largest 2 vessel cord he has ever seen. The cord is making up for not having that other artery in it. Scotty is weighing in at 7 lbs 3 oz right now. And I have 3 1/2 weeks left! I asked if we could maybe go sooner (23rd) and he said it was a possibility. He said I have to come back next week and then the week after that we would discuss delivery. So a decision will probably be made on the 17th. He said that I might even go into labor...I told him that was NOT an option!

When I was there, Scotty was face forward (and also breach). His head was down in the correct position last week. Anyways, when the doctor came in, I asked him to get a 3D picture so I could see his face...he had turned! All I could see was the back of his head. The doc tried to turn him around, but it wouldn't work. Then he had me lay on my side thinking he would move, but he didn't. Oh well, I can wait until next week. Or until he makes his actual appearance in a few weeks.

I go to the regular OB/GYN doc on Tuesday and will mention the 23rd to her and see what she says. I sure hope so. I'm starting to not sleep very well. I was doing really good, but just over the past 2 nights its gotten a lot worse. I can't get comfortable and I'm up to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes to an hour. Then I can't get back to sleep for a while. I am used to the lack of sleep though - but it would be nice to actually rest for a period of 2 hours or more without waking up. But, I knew this would eventually happen, like it does for every 8 month pregnant woman. This whole thing has gone by so fast! I'll keep you posted on what the OB says on Tuesday! Have a great weekend!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Well, at the sonogram my fluid levels are back into the normal range, but are still high. I was pleased - but the doctor wasn't too much. I showed him my daily blood test results and a couple of them weren't good. (I think it was the italian cold cut that I smooshed Doritos into that came back pretty high). I told him at least I didn't lie about it! I could have not written that meal down at all and showed him results after my dinner that was a lot lower. Now I know that I can't have any more cold cut subs until after Scotty comes...or at least not eat the entire thing. :)

Other than that, Scotty is doing fine. I got one more picture of him but his little arm is blocking some of his face. He sure does look like Kevy.

I went to the regular doctor on Friday afternoon. She said, "Next time you come in we can set the date." I said, "Oh no you don't. You told me that last time. We can set it now." She agreed. It has to be a Wednesday because that is the day she is scheduled to work at Shady Grove Hospital. She doesn't want to go before 38 weeks so we have tentatively set April 30th (in the afternoon) for my c-section. She said that once we get closer, she may push it up to the week before. I guess that would be the 23rd. She had spoken to the perinatologist just before she saw me and said that he mentioned the possibility of medication for my fluid level. I told her that I wasn't worried about it. She said that she wasn't either - especially since he is the one taking care of me. I think everything will go fine and he'll come out OK. But I do get a little freaked out when he doesn't move for a while. Especially since he's been so active the entire time. But once I start to worry about that, he starts to move. He was asleep in church yesterday morning and Gracie tapped on my belly when we offered each other peace and she woke him up. I'm screwed if he is a light sleeper. But Kevy was - and so am I. Grace and her father could both sleep through a train wreck!

Chris turns 45 today! We are considered an "older couple" for having children. I can't believe it. Gee, and I'm thinking about one more after this one! We'll be a "geezer couple" by then.

I hope you all have a wonderful week and I'll let you know once I get any more information! Take care.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Kevy's Angelversary was COLD!! We were miserable out there getting him all cleaned up. It was so windy! We had gotten balloons for him but as soon as we tied them down, the wind blew them to the ground and they started to pop. Then Gracie started to cry. I told her that we would bring more balloons another time. We watched home movies of Kevy at my parents house later that day. I started out laughing, then I started to cry, then I stopped and started laughing again. He was such a little ham! Such a doll baby.

We went for another sonogram and now my fluid level is out of range and too high. The doctor said it could be many reasons, but he thought it is from diabetes. Other than that, he said it could be a genetic disorder in the baby. So, he told me to start the finger sticks again. I have, and they are fine. Of course that makes me think that it isn't diabetes and there is something else wrong. But honestly, it was a fleeting thought. Scotty looks fine overall. His heart, brain, bones, etc are all normal. Maybe there isn't a problem at all and they are overreacting. That's what I'm hoping for. I'm not worried. I've learned that worrying doesn't do me any good. We'll see how he is once he arrives. As long as he has good physical health, we'll be fine. We can deal with other issues if there are any. By the way, he is 5 pounds now! Gracie was holding a bag of sugar at the grocery yesterday and I told her that's how much he weighed now. She said she could handle holding him when he comes out. Then later she asked if he would be as heavy as the gallon of milk she was putting in the cart. She said she could still handle it, but it wasn't as easy. I go back for another sonogram on Thursday. (We will be going every week from now on.) And I go to the regular OB/GYN on Friday. That is the day we will set the date for the c-section. It's getting close!! Only about 5 more weeks! (I guess I better start to get ready...)

Friday, March 7, 2008

Things are still going fine. The OB/GYN said that when I go back on the 21st that we will set a date for the C-section. I'm hoping it will be between the 24th and 30th of April. I failed my urine test. I knew I would. She asked about me pricking my finger to test my blood because I had sugar in my urine. I told her that the issue was teh 2 cupcakes that I ate before my appt. She mentioned me pricking my fingers in the morning again for a while. (They have all been normal results in the past.) I told her that the mornings weren't the problem and the results would be fine. The issue was the afternoon cupcakes that jumped into my mouth. (It was a party for someone and I couldn't help myself. Scotty made me do it.) So, she gave in and said that I just have to take these urine tests at home for a couple of weeks. Those results have been fine so far too. She mentioned that now that I'm getting further along that I might not be able to control the sugar levels with diet alone like I have been. We'll see. So far so good. It should be OK. The cupcakes were a one shot deal. (Well, 2 shots I guess since I ate 2 of them.) The perinatologist told me to stay away from sugar anyways since my amniotic fluid level is on the high side.

Well, Kevin's 2nd Angelversary is coming up fast. Two more days. It falls on our regular Sunday visit to the cemetery. I can't believe its been 2 years. In just a few months, he would have been gone longer than we had him. Uh oh, I'm getting upset and I can't see...

OK. His cookbook is ready to go except for the pictures. It's been ready for a while. I just wasn't able to get myself to look through his photo albums to pick out pictures. I really, really want to watch our home videos of him, but it screws me up pretty bad for a while after I watch them. Uh oh, I can't see again...

I can hear his giggle in my head - but it's so nice to watch him on TV doing it along with a smile. Gracie loves to watch them too. She always comforts me when I start to cry. That reminds me...I was laying in bed with her the other night and I had heartburn. She asked what was wrong and I told her. After explaining that my heart wasn't actually on fire, she started to rub my chest and asked if it helped. She can be so cute.

I better go. My next sonogram is on the 13th and I will fill you in afterwards! Take care!

Monday, February 25, 2008

The doctors visit went OK. First, we got our sonogram. Then, the technician switched the sonogram thingy and pulled him up in 3D for us! He's adorable! He looks so much like Kevy. Chubby cheeks and all. I'll have to post a copy of it - but the rabbit ate our printer cord so it'll have to wait until we get a new printer.

The doctor had said previously that he was worried that the baby wouldn't be getting enough nutrition to grow properly and maybe have an issue with insufficiant fluid in the womb. But, he's growing fine so far (almost 4 pounds) and there is actually too much fluid in the womb. He said that could cause my to go into premature labor if it gets too high. Right now I'm still in the normal range, but at the high end. So he told me to cut out all sugar. (Oh great. What am I supposed to do with that new box of Twinkies??) I gave Chris a kiss and he smelled chocolate on my breath and "reminded" me of what the doctor had told me. It was only 1 M&M! ONE! That's better than a handful right? I can't go cold turkey!

Anyways, things are going just fine. He is moving A LOT (especially at night). I have drugged him twice. Yes, I said that I have drugged him and he's not even out of the womb yet. If I know I'm going to have trouble sleeping I have taken Simply Sleep medication (which the doctor said was totally fine.) I've taken it twice. It knocks us both out. But last night, I was tired, but not tired enough and he was wiggling WAY too much so I knew I would have trouble. I said, "OK Scotty boy - you are going to sleep whether you like it or not." I took 2 pills and we were both asleep within 30 minutes. I do pat myself of the belly and say, "go to sleep Kevy." Then I catch myself and correct the name. The poor kid is gonna come out and not know what the heck his name is because I keep calling him the wrong name! Anyways, the doctor said that the end of April is good for now. We'll see how Scotty is growing over these last 2 months and make sure he stays on track. I'll keep you posted!! Take care!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Well....the baby likes Mountain Dew. I know, I know, it's not good for either of us. But I needed it! I'm not even finished the can and he's going bonkers.

I had a doctor's appt yesterday with the regular OB/GYN and she had a hard time listening for the heartbeat because he kept jumping around in there. But once she got it, it was normal. 150's. She measured my belly and then asked when my next sonogram was. I told her it was Thursday. She said that she was going on vacation and would be back on Friday afternoon if I needed to speak with her after my appt. I said, "this is my 8th sonogram. Why would I need to talk to you after this one?" She said there was no reason, but just in case. Maybe she wanted me to feel like she would be available to me - but it did the opposite and made me wonder why she thinks I would need to talk to her afterwards. Then after a few hours I just figured the heck with it - I'm not going to worry. He's active and has a good heartbeat so I'm not going to worry about it. I don't need anymore gray hair. My last sonogram, about 3 weeks ago, he was measuring at 57% so he was ahead of the game. Hopefully he still is.

My tummy is starting to "sit" on my thighs when I sit. It's kind of icky feeling. I just feel kind of sloppy and gross that my tummy is resting on my thighs. And definitely NOT attractive. It's only going to get worse I guess. Overall I feel good. Just tired. And hungry. I'm not getting as much sleep as I was a couple of weeks ago now that I have to pee 5 times a night. (Hence the Mountain Dew today.) And I'm pretty tired and get worn out quickly. I've been taking naps on the weekends. Chris is a bit more understanding this time around when he sees me asleep only hours after I've woken up in the morning. Gracie....not so much. I'll have to work on that. I'll keep you posted on the sonogram results!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I'm not so crabby today. Not yet anyways....I have a cold and have been on couch rest for the last 2 days. It made my hips hurt to sit around and do nothing. I went back to work today. I was getting tired of watching those baby shows and seeing babies born and me crying from 10am until 1pm (yes, they are on that long) because I was happy for them. (It also made me very happy to remember that I WILL NOT be going into labor for this one.) I slipped and almost fell trying to get into the car this morning with all that ice. I ended up grabbing the steering wheel and the car door and did the splitz...as far as I could have anyways. I think I pulled something in my belly because it hurts, but Tylenol helps.

Chris read my posting from last week and was a little upset about it. He said that I really need to let it go and not be angry because I'm not that type of person. It's just easier said than done for me at this moment.

I have made it to my last trimester (woo-hoo!). The OB/GYN said last week that she is looking towards the last 2 weeks of April for little Scotty to arrive. I told her that I like that birthstone and she said, "I know - a diamond!" I have to go back in 2 weeks. I asked why and she said, "because you are at that stage now that you should be coming every 2 weeks." Already? I can't believe how fast its gone by. I go to the perinatologist next week to check Scotty's size and amount of fluid around him. He should be about 2 1/2 pounds or so at this point. And about 16 inches long. Once I hit 32 weeks, I will be going for weekly sonograms. I believe I'm just starting my 28th week now. I'm still pretty comfortable. Tying my shoes is getting hard and bending over to pick stuff up off the floor. Sleeping is OK. I'm used to not having much sleep. I'm really tired by 9pm and then I'm up by 2am. I try not to move around too much because Scotty seems to be a VERY light sleeper. I sure hope that changes once he comes out or we're in for a treat.

I'll be sure to let you know what the docs say on my next visit! Take care!

Monday, February 4, 2008

I came across Kevy's last hospital statement from CA at work today. It upset me. It also angered me. I wonder often what would have happened and where we would be if we hadn't gone out there. Dr. Schwarz told me after Kevy died that his outcome would have been the same eventually. Eventually...but how long could he have had? How many more good times could he have had? Would he not have suffered as much as he did in CA? It's been almost 2 years. Two years of torment for me emotionally. And I don't think it will ever go away. I get angry at the way things have turned out for us. I'm supposed to go to confession at church - but I can't. I'm not supposed to hold on to my anger that I have towards some of the people in CA that we experienced. I can't sit there with a priest and tell him that all is forgotten and forgiven - because it isn't true. I feel like their decisions not to listen to me and Chris killed our son. I can't forgive just yet. I've had dreams where a specific doctor walked up to me because he was visiting my workplace and I punched him square in his face before he could say a word. I've had that dream several times. Many times actually.

I was at Kevy's grave yesterday afternoon and I was crouching over him and crying. I was talking to him and watching my tears fall onto his little face staring up at me and it reminded me of all the times I cried while holding him and having the same thing happen...his mommy's tears would fall onto him. I told him that it wasn't fair that he isn't here with us. He should be here to help take care of his little brother.

I'm not sure if I am battling with some depression right now or if I should blame it on my hormones. I've been this way for a while. But I always figure that I am strong and I can get through this - and I can. I will. It just seems to suck more at this moment. I always seem to be able to put on my happy face and go on each day. I'm worried that one of these days I won't be able to do that and my sadness will affect my daughter and husband. And to me, that would be weak. Maybe its just a slump and I'll get out of it soon. I sure hope so. It's draining. Just like the sorrow I have when I think about how much I miss my Kevy - its makes me so tired.

I'd better run. Maybe chocolate will help....let me go and find out...

Monday, January 28, 2008

Everything went just fine at the doctor's office on Thursday and we will be having a healthy baby!! He is 2 pounds now. I teared up a bit when the cardiologist told me that the heart was healthy because I was relieved and happy. When my regular doc came in and saw me crying he wanted to know what was wrong. (He should be used to me crying in his office by now because I do it almost every visit.) I just told him that I was happy. He was happy for me too. He is genuine and sincere.

So, the issue now...how do I take care of a healthy, normal baby? The only thing I remember is that they take 2 oz. feedings at first and you have to burp them regularly during the feeding or they'll throw up. Chris tells me that it will all come back to me once Scotty arrives. I sure hope he's right. I am going to need to control myself with the diaper changes because after changing Kevy every 20 minutes, leaving a baby in a diaper more than an hour is going to be very strange. Walking around without him tethered to a pole will also be weird.

Even though I started out this pregnancy overweight, I haven't gained much. Only 2 pounds as of 3 weeks ago...now I'm up to 5. :( YIKES! I had my glucose test and it came back high so I had to prick my fingers and test my blood 4 times a day. Every single time it was in normal range. At the bottom of normal too! So, when I went back to the doctor with my normal results she said I could go to 2 times a day and gave me an additional hemoglobin test. That came back normal. So, she said I could stop sticking my fingers for 3 weeks until I got to 26 weeks gestation. Then I have to start doing it again once a day in the mornings. (Gracie likes to help me with those, but she keeps her eyes covered so she doesn't see any blood.) On the day I had my first glucose test I had a sonogram immediately afterwards in the perinatologists office. I remember the tech having a hard time and getting a little frustrated. She kept saying, "Come on baby...come on." I asked what was wrong and she said that he was all over the place and she was having a hard time seeing what she needed to. Then I thought, "Oooooohhhhhh." I told her that I had just taken my glucose test and he was probably reacting to all that sugar. She said, "Well, don't give him any sugar once he comes out because he will be a handful."

Well, I have to run. I wanted to tell you all that he is going to be healthy and we thank God for this blessing. Take care!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Well, I haven't been too diligent about getting that other webpage set up and I see that we still have some hits on this page so I figured I would give an update.

We are all doing well. I am 25 weeks pregnant now and we will be having another baby boy. His name will be Scott Francis McLane and he should be here around May 1st if all goes well.

We do have a complication called a single umbilical artery which could mean heart defects, GI defects or nervous system defects. But after some extra testing, all seems to be OK so far. We are scheduled for a fetal ECHO on Thursday morning. Although that will ease some stress once we get those results, I am still going to push to have one after Scotty is born. I have switched pediatricians so hopefully the new doctor will be more helpful than the last one we had.

Gracie is VERY excited about her new brother and she talks to my belly quite often and hugs it. She also likes to poke at my funky looking belly button. I am pleased that she has not forgotten about Kevy. She told me last night as she was going to bed how much she misses him and wishes he was still here with her. She also said that it wasn't fair that he was gone, but God must have needed him. It's a shame that she had to grow up so damn fast.

Chris is doing well too. He is also happy about his new baby boy that will be arriving. And that he will have his middle name too. We all cried when we saw the sex of the baby on the screen. Grace had gone with us. It was quite obvious once the technician viewed that part of the baby. I thought that having another little boy would be a more difficult on me emotionally at this time, but I'm getting used to it.

As for me, I'm getting along just fine too. I have gained 2 pounds so far (not too bad for being 6 months prego!) I'm not in maternity clothes yet either - but that will be changing in the next few weeks I think. I still cry for my Kevy and miss him terribly. I have thought about my emotional status after the baby arrives and am a little concerned about having depression after he is born. I think I am very strong willed and will get through it OK. And I will be so excited to have Scotty here, but at the same time, it will remind me of Kevy and our loss. The loss of normalcy that Kevy didn't have.

I'm also worried about daycare for Scotty. It is going to be extremely difficult for me to find someone to watch him that I can trust. I think it is extra hard in our situation because of our loss. Gracie went on a field trip a couple of weeks ago on a bus to the Kennedy Center and I was a wreck the entire day! It shouldn't have to be like that. I kept thinking of all the things that could go wrong and she could be kidnapped or hurt. Then I wondered what the heck I'm going to do when she is 13 and wants a lot more independance. I don't know if I can do it. I think I will worry about Scotty all day too once I start back to work. Nobody can give them the care that you can.

Well, I just wanted to give an update to anyone who still may check out Kevy's link. If anything, it feels good for me to write out all of my feelings again.

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