History

Monday, November 10, 2014 11:11 AM CST

The rollercoaster's journey reaches to a valley of death, dying-loss all the way to gratefulness, thankfulness, perspective of a mountain top of amazing memories and hope.

The amount of new aspects to my life at 51 years is incredibly overwhelming at times, but would not be anywhere but here.

David continues to excel and pursue his academics, scouting adventures and violin playing.

Olivia is really working on her knitting and preparing wool from her rabbit.

The fluctuations of life about my mom's health keeps me in a high emotional status. I have learned that I am way too emotional--need to allow logic to take over more than not.

Please cherish your prayers and well wishes pertaining to my mom's illness and if you know her, you know what a gem of a person she is.

I personally take great comfort talking to those who KNOW and LOVE my mama. I am beyond words of this earth to those who are caring for her...

TO JESUS--

Monday, November 3, 2014 10:31 AM CST

Thankful for dear friends and family and their love and care.

David, Olivia and I are in California visiting Mom and Jerry. Mom had come back to Indiana this past summer, thankfully so, but on her return had a colonoscopy to find colon cancer and after a CTscan found that the cancer had spread to her liver.

She began chemotherapy 12 days ago taking "chemo pills" twice daily for 14 days, then will have an infusion every 21 days.

For those of you who have experienced chemotherapy I do not need to say more.

I am most thankful for Mom and Jerry's church family here in California. Their pastor and assistant pastor are just great examples of living and encouraging brothers in this earthly walk. Sound doctrine and heart felt music combined with lovingly open fellowship...doesn't get much better on this earth.

Olivia goes to clinic this November where we will talk a bit more about her liver, which has had elevated numbers now for over a year.

I have moved forward with my life and have found my earthly home, resting space, peace.

Olivia has started her quest as a fiber artist. She makes amazing knitted garments and accessories. She has purchased her first animal, Buck the Angora Bunny to dye and spin his wool. Soon we will have lamb's wool and a pony to ride!

Please email me at sdekold@mac.com for my new address and phone number if interested. Also, if you would like to see Olivia's fiber work, like Oknits on FB. I will be more diligent in producing updated photos of her portfolio. Feel free to encourage her!

TO Jesus!

Yes, nothing can separate me from Him. :)

Thursday, July 10, 2014 8:59 PM CDT

Tuesday, July 30, 2013 4:48 AM CDT

Thought there was end to this flare yesterday only to be reminded it is not always so simple and easy.

Olivia has been distended before to the point of her bowel perforating. This is where the life - threatening end of Pseudo Obstruction comes into play.

A lot is planned but in true fashion of this life things can be postponed, canceled--let go...we are on the edge of stopping our Gathering Under the Oaks; I cannot imagine what this week has in store. Not fearful, just realistic.

God's goodness is still available, still faithful is He--even when Olivia is hurting; He is still good.

Prayer appreciated.

Saturday, July 27, 2013 10:20 PM CDT

Torn.

I am determined to live deliberately; today was truly one which if given up hope would have been a disaster.

Today 15 years ago, God brought David Peter DeKold into this world. For some, that may not mean much, but for me, it changed my world--made life suddenly have a whole new perspective.

He had a wonderful day as far as birthdays go; a big boy kind of day. A month ago Dave and I asked him if he wanted a group of friends to come together for a canoe trip or make it an official Troop event. He mentioned several of the boys "needed" a float trip.

Originally, Olivia and I had both planned to canoe, then neither, then Dave "needed" drivers and I was rooked in--thankfully so--would have not had it any other way...except to be in bed with Olivia rubbing legs and feet as her day was spent in misery.

But alas, life floats on--David is now 15...and although his school does not start until September 3; he is indeed in school already to prepare for his first time ever in a school/building full time setting.

Much has happened...much is others' stories--therefore the silence and the mere fact that most days I am far more interested in the exact present moment to journal what has taken place or even look too far into future.

Bottom Line life revelations.

Deliberate living which propels one into a forward motion, releasing the mistakes of the past--forgiving myself and others...moving on...Choosing to not let the things I cannot change in circumstances or people run my course, but more on that another time. . .

Even with Olivia having spent the day in bed--watching Little House on the Prairie, just like old times past us now, she mustered up enough to sit in living room with her brother playing some Wii. (Technology BLESSING--DISTRACTION from pain and agony) FORWARD motion. . .

Forward March!

Thursday, May 2, 2013 12:16 AM CDT

May 1st was a day of notice, but remember the last day of April?

It was the day you enjoyed the sunshine; it was clearly a spring day and a walk in the creek ended with a fall in the creek. One side of your face marks the place and now bruises show their colors.

May 1st~

Visited with a former student I had not seen in a LONG time; it is amazing how quickly time passes but with that changes, growth...

Read about a tradition about May Baskets; I might have known about them sometime before, but with having girls over yesterday I told Olivia to grab the plastic red drinking cups I discovered this week and gather flowers. Years ago, it would have been about the making of a cute decorated cup, basket, but today...I just wanted her with her friends to drop off cups of flowers to the neighbors.

It just has been such a long winter.

Later that evening I received a phone call from Mrs. E. asking if it was the "my homeschool children" who had left the beautiful flowers. Then she told me of another neighbor battling cancer, then of her own family's horrendous situation. . . just a very hard winter indeed.

Later that evening after having one of the best one on one times with David in a very long time; we came home to a mess of ChickaDee feathers in the driveway. I realized that she was still out. We found her back by her pen (the younger chickens were in the pen) snuggled in between the bale of straw and pen--bare naked on top with her chicken neck exposed--all the way down to her tail. Dazed and quiet I held her while the kids readied the younger chickens cage for her.

Horrendous. David and I saw as we drove back down the hill two neighbor dogs cross the road when we after returning home realized that we had forgotten to pick up milk.

Poor ChickaDee...it reminded me of when our Henry (stray kitty) was found by our dear neighbor and she came to tell Olivia and me; I helped her apply antibiotic ointment onto Henry's wounds. Just did that for my chicken.

How silly! My chicken! BUT she is such a dear friend--every morning and evening.

These last few weeks I have slowly been able to turn down the volume of the man made sounds and turn up the volume of Creation so having been in a state of quiet, rest and peace...the news of events of yesterday were a bit unsettling.

We decided to stay home today from HCA. We will head out early tomorrow as Olivia needs a blood draw and things need to be spear headed into action for an Eagle Project and end of the year showcase.

Please pray for Lois Ann a long time dear friend of my parents and a great support and friend to my family; also another friend who is under going testing to figure out the "why" of health declination, a HEALING, PEACEFUL and QUIET day here in the KNOBS of Southern Indiana for my girls...daughter and feathered friend.

TO Jesus!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013 10:23 AM CDT

Soft day.
Slow Start, no not slow, just gentle.

I could hardly wait to get out to Chickadee, to hear the birds and know that Spring is really trying to be here--the birds tell me, the crisp wind and sun loosing out to the clouds will not discourage me.

She can knit.

If she does not knit that tells me where she is with the pain and discomfort.

But we have talked plainly and she knows what she has to do.

Tell me if it increases.

I will not hover so we can also not focus on it.

How I summarized to a friend. What I found in her today, it is Day 3--each day gradually feeling worse.

The side pain is always the same place where her bowel perforated so it is imperative that we speak plainly but not alarmingly.

But had to wave off Latin and really early to wave off violin but I went ahead as had peace about it.

I really do not hover over her, probably annoyingly so to some, but I do not like when I am asked over and over about something...which is obvious.

The wind is picking up and I believe Velvet and I will retreat inside to warm our bones a bit before we move Olivia to the big bed--thinking of watching one of the musicals we got for her birthday...West Side Story. The music is peppy and hoping will perk her up a bit.

My step dad years ago gave me The Christian Almanac, it is a dictionary of days celebrating history's most significant people and events. Realized this past weekend that it is THE APPOINTED time to SHARE this with my children. Excitedly so!

We cannot expect a more cordial welcome than disturbers of complacency have received in any other age.
Richard Weaver (1910-1963)

Made me think of walking past other humans without regarding them--smiling at them. . . starting with that, bottomlinelove.

To Jesus.

Monday, April 22, 2013 6:55 AM CDT

It is MONDAY AND APRIL 22nd!

I planned this pleasure of journaling since last week. Knew I would want to release the words as I do with paint. . .today, but not because it is April 22--just because it had been a long long time.

Backing up a bit--last week we spent part of Thursday and all of Friday at Hillside preparing the learning spaces for the Open House. We had our Civil War lecture and Chapel as well finished off the paper mache Greek vases and Mr. Bledsoe took the three older boys and measured and cut and constructed a huge example of Greek architecture in the learning center. I prepared a spaghetti lunch for every one and there was sat as the small school talking around the table about things we are learning, oh yes, manners as one--always at a table with young folks. There I shared my first time having dinner with Jane Grieve's family my sophomore year at UC. She was a freshman and only her 2nd year her family had been in the US. This country girl's world was indeed expanding. But of course I told about the day Olivia was born; doula was the new word vocabulary.

Friday evening the children and I spent with Papa at his house. There, Olivia insisted we pick two of Papa's chicks and hold them. How could I say no? I am the one who gave her that thread of love.

The chicks eyes were beautiful with the linear work framing them. We started out as Liz Taylor but ended with Cleopatra as the final name for one.

Saturday was Olivia's 13th Birthday. It was also on a Saturday when she turned two and we had been at CCHMC since the Monday before. That birthday was spent in the quadrangle--only real earth there at the hospital. Papa and Grandma Lodgie had brought David and we shared bubbles and frozen sticks of sugar. It was warm. It was Spring--it promised better days if we just held on to Him.

My heart was sore. I had not seen my three year old boy--David, tender as tender came. He was not a rough and tumble boy...he was a thinker and dependent on his mother--but had also seen two months of his sister enduring some tough things, procedures. 7-9 enemas. Olivia was so great about it. Never fought.

She never fought, but trusted.

That birthday was the LAST time Olivia was unhooked without in IV running and no Central Line in her precious chest. The chest that the Lord Himself designed--as the Rest of her body.

But then came Sunday. Which Monday followed. Monday came! We were never so glad to see a time come. Olivia was thin, thin, weak. . . and we were ready to get that Hope START.

I laid in bed with her every night and during the day. We drew, watched TV, took rides, painted finger nails, read books, sang songs, played music in the room...anything and anything--to keep her spirits up--this was fun.

Monday she was taken away--her little body came back with Two Tubes, an Ileostomy, and later a PICC Line then Central Line. . . A Great Line--about 6 inches long on a freshly turned petite 2 year old. It was impressive!

But this past Saturday--was Hillside's Open House. Mr. Bledsoe and I had been working on formulating a school. Building a school. What a huge endeavor, one I never thought I would have opportunity to do--let alone asked and my thoughts and decisions being accepted and welcomed.

The Learning Center was a surprise--with our Greek architecture, not much changed but a table of books we use--some call it Curriculum--I prefer books.
My flute was out as well as my guitar. Two instruments of teaching I try to never leave home without.

It was sparse at first and it is always easy to become discouraged, but as David, Olivia, Aiden and Sofia, Mr. Bledsoe and I waited upstairs in the sanctuary. . . so I could give them their Charge for the Day. In walked Devon, then Victor--our new friend for next year! (How appropriate that Victor would be his name!)

After we prayed and I was able to get the students attention at the task we headed down and Mr. Bledsoe started the Open House with all the Housekeeping sort of things that people always stumble. . . dress code, then it was my turn to speak.

Now, Dad had brought the kids; (Dave was at home, but now I really wish he had been there-but he needed HOME time after being in FL then straight to work following our trip.) and JUST as I predicted, Papa had take a chair and was in the very back.

But the space of chairs I told the children to set up--was perfect number. It was very pretty to see; although, for the most part I think adults need to be reminded of what it is to be a audience. Smiles are Awesome Gifts.

Time to get Living. I had a thoughtful outline, but I also knew how God works with me. When I take time to pray and think about what the task is--like a day of teaching at HCA or even here at home--anything--HE has always come through...and takes the beginning point...and pulls, prods, pushes me along to the end.

Alpha and Omega--THAT HE SURELY IS.

I saw my Dad. There it started, I gave my Educational Testimony to the folks, parents and even the children go to hear of the most lovely childhood ever--and how my parents and grandmother inspired me into teaching as a little girl in the 2nd grade.

Had the students come up and demonstrate what they are learning in History and Latin, we sang songs written during Civil War and then Mr. Bledsoe took about 15 minutes and quizzed the students over the Civil War. It was FANTASTIC--VICTORY. . . I received such beautiful support from most of the parents. The ones that get that is not about me. . . or you. . . but about LoVe one to Another.

But our Sunday yesterday was far better than any have been in a very long time.
Had amazing moments with strangers, my family, my animas, my gardens, my studio~~~~~~~~excited for the UP and COMING moments of being with PeoPLe -- Friends. . . Expanding His LOVE one PERSON at a time, but yEs.

That is where I am.

Olivia was not so excited about being at HCA for her birthday: don't get me wrong she LOVES Mr. Bledsoe and her friends there, but she did turn 13 and she "fluctuates" in moods at times. All ended well as it started bumpy.

Jackie is a blessing--ANGEL sent to us on this earth. I kept thinking, Oh, Jackie is coming so we cannot go anywhere--not so! Today pick out flowers--see Terri and Lisa to talk about next year! Fun!

Monday: Jackie, Bank, Prosser/Flowers, Rainbow Blossom, home, Terri/Lisa; Scouts

Tuesday: Knitting/Latin/Violn

Wednesday: Jackie, HOPING FOR AN OUTING with Abigail.

Thursday: Louisville Orchestra with MY TWO CHILDREN/LIBRARY to check out EMILY D.'s POEMS and do some school.

Friday: HCA!

To Jesus!

God that made the world and all things therein....

Monday, April 8, 2013 10:03 AM CDT

Learning.

Not a vacation. As a parent -- with children I do not understand that concept; that is okay--this is a season.

I relish in my children.

My zeal for sharing the world--the world I know, experienced and sought--with children--ALL Children under my care--is a dream come true.

If I could--If I were a RICH WOMAN--I would have all my students here. . .

To show them a place, God's Creation which is unique.

Water.

Salty.

All things which live and grow in such an ECOSYSTEM.

Day Two:

Olivia and I ran up to BIG PINE KEY to seek after the fresh water-space...man made in the 30s--there we found a couple with binoculars wrapped around their necks...serious and quiet, yet oh so friendly.

Thank you, God for such a setting.

There we experienced the morning together--marveling and exclaiming quietly--showing one another.

Then Olivia and I off to rent the bikes. Owner was great. Happy--to be ALIVE. Wonder.

Soon to hit the sea, to see what we can see.

In Jesus' Name.

How the Wonders continue.

To Jesus.

Sunday, April 7, 2013 7:27 PM CDT

First Full Day

It seems the months of late have been filled with a lot of "Not Enoughs". . .

Not enough Energy, Not enough Fluids, Not enough Feeling Well enough. . .

I am blessed. I have hiked to the top of a mountain; been to faraway lands; snorkeled in Jamaica, Bahamas, Philippine Islands and Florida Keys--

I can marvel at the beauty seen from my own window at home...to the beauty of the skin of a person, their eyes...

David will enter a "school" next fall; I relinquish in many ways much of my influence upon his every day world. I want to saturate his world with as much of my deepest loves while the window is open--while he is still "mine".

We are on Cudjoe Key in Florida. Just twenty something away from the southern most part of our country; a friend said that we are closer to Cuba than Walmart--a lot of faith goes into a trip like this.

Trust.

Squeezing each moment.

Remembering it was only a week since the sun rose on a Sunday--a special Sunday. I saw the rise of the sun this morning over a foreground of ocean, finding food for my family.

After a grocery run, I grabbed Olivia and she and I headed to Big Pine Key where twenty years ago I had spent a few visits. We looked for bike rentals--on Sunday--and found four very salty islanders who told us when to come back tomorrow and then I took my girl to Blue Hole. A fresh water phenomenon where she being my naturalist pointed out the turtles, birds and lizards.

We came to snorkel. To SEE a WHOLE new ecosystem.

The kids COAXED me into the canal to practice snorkeling. IT was CoLd. If they can--I can. We did.

Then off to rent the boat. Joe, who I had spoken with a couple of times at this point seemed almost lonely and needing someone to come by to talk to--and when we got there--it was as always--MORE than--JUST renting a BOAT....

The owner went on and on about his new love of history and philosophy...

I asked him what he thought about Jesus.

We got the boat and learned our way around--well, Dave learned the boat and Olivia and I bounced about and David held the map with our guide Zane--another salty dog.

We saw frolicking dolphins. So happy they were.

We saw LONG iguanas--a delight to us, but to locals not.

Olivia just had to squeeze more out of the day--so she and I drove to the pool.

There with my mask--RX lenses--I watched my daughter as the beautiful mermaid--she was in her happy place--she was free--I, as her mother--as an artist...cried that I could not take a picture.

TPN infusing. The girl cut herself short to get into the canal today. How she does it all--to me--is an earthly mystery.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013 10:24 AM CDT

A quick fun evening.

David's Court of Honor; he has not "advanced" but was elected for the second time to be Senior Patrol Leader of his troop. I am glad; he is committed to leadership within the Boy Scouts of America and he is receiving the toughest experience--leading one's own peers.

Olivia is in a rut. Never have seen her like this, but then again she has never run into puberty. We will head over to the Zeidlers in a little bit--so patient with us they have been. So hard to maintain a balance of pushing Olivia and letting go.

BUT I look forward to this Saturday as we as a family will fly to Cudjoe Key, Florida to experience a new ecosystem; one of my most favorites ever and a place I have not seen in almost 20 years. It is a dream come true for me to share this beautiful place with my family.

Pray that Olivia will have energy and stamina to enjoy snorkeling. I am praying God will bless us with many interesting creature encounters. Barracuda, Rays, Lobsters, Coral, etc. He knows.

This week we hope to fill with having Jeffrey for a quick visit; we already had Papa which was wonderful--always nice to have visitors.

To Jesus.

Friday, March 29, 2013 9:36 AM CDT

Friday. This Friday.

The days to come hold world history.

This past week I felt such a weight upon me but today--as Sunday draws nearer I can see the Son more clearer.

Been painting rather prolific in nature--my form of spring break. Kids decided it was; I was tired of trying to make things move when they were already on many fronts, but maybe not the way I see them to be.

Right now, schooling is so different than anything I have ever really done with anyone. Yes, there are pages to do--on occasion--that will start up again, just not now. Watching things, playing Mindcraft, Taking care of Baby chicks, Listening to my singing: Now is talking. Some about the normal everyday kind of conversations, but also about War, talking about Paintings, talking about God...About His Word...discussing...wondering...thinking. Neat different stage.

Painting helps me to be prepared to converse with vigor--at times I am told intensely, but the years have given me experiences I never in a million years would have believed--some were heart breaking to the inner core, a struggle with God for sure--but He has me wrapped into His fold--do not believe He will ever forsake me -- ever.

Singing is an expression that helps reset.

Have not sung in a while--with this week feeling so heavy--symbolically I look at today's selection--so off color-path-that it helps.

I opened the CD player and pressed 126--out of 200, seemed like a good number. It was Hair. Yes, the 60s hippy musical. After the first song, found my other two favorites. Something about Floating in Space--it of course is speaking to drug usage, but the song if song with the right heart--can be sung about not smoking dope, but prayer. Then of course the anthem at the end--let the sun shine...Thinking of NOT of THE sun, but THE SON. Oh, dears...But God is so sweet to me and He knows how to touch His daughter.

This past week I have enjoyed my new friends at State Street Kroger. From the meat department, to deli, to check out--and yes, the little StarBUCKS which I will indulge most times just to have the conversations. I allowed myself to be totally transparent with my tea maker friend when he asked, by the way the man and woman who work there--I got to see them train--they are FAST now! )--

He asked how my weekend was--never before had he ever asked such a question--and I told him. It has been a spiritual battle, battle of the flesh and I just would love a TALL unsweetened ICED green tea--where we then discuss the Italian name for the sizes--which after so long--still cannot remember.

So the week is big and starting it off at Kroger usually helps me--I never see anyone I know there, only the workers who now are my friends. I get it, Dad. I get Gold Star. Love you.

As I ramble this morning--I cannot stop thinking about the time is at hand.

Today is Friday--some call it Good, I wonder if that is fair?

It was a lonely day for Jesus. He was pretty on His own earth wise over these next days. He was not alone. He knew it. Do I know it, do we really know we are NOT alone?

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

David grows, working on finishing up pieces of his Eagle Project--enjoying down time with Olivia...like us all waiting for a new season to emerge, but needs to be diligent

Olivia is in puberty; I still hold firmly that her weird lab numbers and chronic anemia hold its hand. Trying to keep her together--she is not depressed but needs a lot of rest, down time.

BUT we LOVE her NURSE--JACKIE--GOD's GIFT to our family...for this season is great and so needed a friend like her.

TO Jesus!

Sunday, March 10, 2013 7:20 AM CDT

We have had an eventful week. Finally the dust has settled and we have even had time to regroup and celebrate all the goodness.

This was the weekend of CCK (Center for Courageous Kids) a camp in KY for "medical" kids for lack of defining. The kids and I have attended twice and although it has a lot of fun elements to it; it just did not seem the time for us to go and earlier this week I called and cancelled our spot.

So thankful, I listened.

Tuesday evening we had a winter storm, good winds and little bit of snow, but loss of power. Of course David and Olivia found every candle in the house and begin lighting. They rise to the adventure of diversity.

I headed to bed but was awakened with the news of Olivia's central line having a puncture hole. So at 11:15 PM Olivia and I began our journey north to Cincinnati. The roads were wet until about 35 miles out of Cincinnati where we instantly were thrown into Narnia! It was so beautiful and although the travel was slow from there on in; all was well, because Olivia was well.

She had been unhooked from TPN and any hydration for 10 hours at this point and although waning a bit, she was still good.

Once in the ED, the CVL nurses had her line repaired in minutes, but 4 hour wait before hooking up anything. Checked her blood sugars before sledding over to HCA. It was a treat to drive the streets of Clifton on over to Western Hills at 3:30 AM with no one out and lots of snow on the hills of Cincy. Olivia and I chattered deeply the whole way over.

One of her heart voices came out: "I don't know if I could ever get married...I would not want someone I love have to live with me, my day to day living..."

What a great moment! I will never forget it! Right there at the stop light on Anderson Ferry. My daughter is thinking. Wondering. God will take over.

Has already.

We enjoyed resting at HCA that day as school was called off--Thursday and Friday Olivia did school there, was a champion. Strong and willing.

So much to the story, but for now, Olivia has two new baby chicks, we have Jeffrey for the weekend and yesterday I came home after running down the hill to retrieve a forgotten iPod left behind to David, Jeffrey and Olivia in the front yard splitting wood, problem solving, philosophizing, quizzing one another and over all having a great time. To keep the momentum of outdoor adventure--I suggested a fire to which Olivia and I were reminded deeply that we keep company with REAL Boy Scouts. Everything was done by code. Learned about different fires, did camp cooking...the day flowing, beautifully natural.

We received the acceptance letter to Highlands Latin School.

Just amazed, excited by how much we are all learning.

Ever to Excel!
To JESUS!

Friday, February 22, 2013 7:07 AM CST

The theme as of late with my children and me is that of being "different".

Being in the teen years of life David is horrified at the thought of being different when in fact he is the epitome of different.

This week Olivia and I accompanied David back to the room where our beloved Dr. Sarah filled a hole in his tooth then began the process of braces. We are going to have a blast with the whole orthodontist gig because we KNOW how to have FUN at doctors appointments: ALL ASPECTS OF THE MEDICAL APPOINTMENT can BE FUN.

The drive: listening to our favorite music, book on cd, or even just talking and building up for the next step.

The wait: watching David trying to maintain that he is NOT one least bit intrepid over the next hour; Olivia being the veteran by far in ALL of this -- soaks it up.

The chair: what fun it is to have David out numbered.

The doctor: can it get any better? Dr. Sarah Denzinger is LIKE me--:) She came into the room saying, no, EXCLAIMING--"ARE WE EXCITED?" Not once, but thrice. I felt as if I had found my LONG lost sister.

The process: watching your children interact in such situations is always rewarding. very proud of who they are forming into as people.

Yes, Dr. Sarah, sang a little ditty which had something to do with drilling teeth. I thought, wow, there are others out there who are excited about what they do! I want to be like that even with my housekeeping.

David came to me several times yesterday telling me I do NOT have to be so excited about teaching. Ah...it cannot be helped! I just looked at him and said--Dr. Sarah. :)

I just do not feel as lonely today.

TO Jesus!

Sunday, February 17, 2013 7:31 AM CST

Sunday Morning.

Dave and David got home very late last evening from Klondike Campout. It is a winter camp out where the Boy Scouts have games, races, etc. all outside. Yesterday was COLD too. 20s.

Olivia remarked on the way home yesterday that she believes her disease is progressing. Not one day goes by where she does not vent her stomach. We had stopped to have dinner with Papa and her comments on the way home were very event status==

"Why do people eat?"

"Why did I eat?"

It seems anytime she eats=She hurts.

BUT she is figuring it out...always has but this is a new thing.

Today her side really hurts and stomach too--she will vent--and feel better.

Received a call ON A SATURDAY from Dr. Jackson--a GEM of a woman doctor--telling me that Olivia did not have a UTI...we were all cheering for it to be a UTI.

We shall see what today brings.

I just know that God loves her far more than I ever could.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013 7:47 AM CST

Life presses on whether one is ready or not--for here it comes--another day dawns and if not rested, not geared with His armor it can be trial after troubles, but my head and heart shift to no longer be subject to the cares for tomorrow--today is it. Live it.

Being a mom of two has just as many complexities as being a mom of one or many; I have sometimes made myself out to be "less than a mother" because I have "less" children. Olivia and I were discussing this after our visit last week to HCA. I told her, for me it was always easier to maintain a classroom of 20 students vs 5. Reminds me of my own home, we are small, but at times very complicated.

David is excited about his future; as we all are for him. We await to hear officially that he has been accepted into Highlands Latin School in Louisville. After his scout night last night, it confirmed to Dave and me how IMPORTANT this step in David's life will be. It is time; I want him to have on a regular basis folks who LOVE their subject, LOVE teaching, LOVE young people and LOVE GOD...yes, human, as we all are, but looking forward to watching him bloom in all ways. Holding onto these last few months of "teaching" him...what a pleasure and treasure it has been. Very organically supernaturally Holy Spirit driven...each step.

After a great session of home school talking last evening, I have a restored vision for Olivia. I am extremely excited to have her still as a student, and looking forward to her having different opportunities to learn with others as well. Homeschooling is so...life learning. I want a new term for it.

Olivia has iron infusion this Thursday; she needs it. We also have a urine sample at Floyd Memorial Hospital to see what is GOING on--she was in a flare last week--then okay--then vomiting on Saturday and back to flaring.

Roller coaster ride--not the scariest one by any means, but one that has me holding on and keeping an eye on the next hill ahead.

As I told my friend last night--when one changes gears in life, for a homeschooler to put their child into a school...is almost blasphemy. Never felt that way...never was in a box, do not ever want to be placed in a box--so surely I would not place my beloved children in one! Each is so unique, so amazingly wonderfully made...love.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013 11:11 AM CST

Olivia is on Day 2 of bed.

She is in a flare, one which her belly distends and any movement is frustrating and hurtful.

We wait it out, do what we can and rest.

Reading to Olivia the Door in the Wall.

Lovely.

Love.
To Jesus.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013 10:27 AM CST

Live violin is wafting through the house this morning. David returns to his lessons with Mr. Boaz this afternoon after a 2.5 month break. It is good to see how it is a part of him and he is not willing to give it up, but to continue on--sometimes we do need a break to see what is really important, what really is a part of oneself.

Tomorrow Dave, Olivia and I will take David to Highlands Latin School to tour and visit with the administration. David is seriously in need of challenge without the public school agenda and society that is associated. Continuity, teachers on fire for their subject, discipline, leadership opportunities, academics and of course always that beautiful spiritual umbrella covering all is our goal with HLS for our son. He is beyond excited for this opportunity; I would love to see his singing in a choir; glean more life giving sources which he can carry with him for the rest of his life.

David has a very natural ability as a leader--unique in that he treats those under him as he would want to be treated. The glitch is he often does not understand when his people do not follow such a rule. He has learned much from attempting to lead his own peers and younger boys. I just hope he never gives up hope.

The interview last fall for NYLT (National Youth Leadership Training) camp as a leader seemed to fall flat until last evening. I am still foggy on what went down, other than his application was "lost" and he never heard anything until last night at the meeting. As of now, he has been asked to be on staff, but is now a month behind on training. Lovely. I smell something fishy--I'll say it, politics. Everywhere, I fear.

TKD is another goal of David's but testing is on the only night of the week he cannot attend and the Wednesday night that he does attend seems to now be problematic for space and sometimes is cancelled. So, need to find another venue for him to complete this goal.

My son is also, black and white striped. He has had the ability to see the paisley multi colored patterns for which I am thankful, but for the most part he is black and white.

So, I see the remainder of this school year even into next summer as my time to help shade some of those darks and lights in my son's vision, but also to expose him to as much as I would any other student.

He attends HCA with Olivia and me; last week we saw Mozart's Overture to Don Giovianni, Oboe Concerto and mass by Haydn. Preconcert talk was vibrant with an interview with the CSO's oboe master! He was PURE delight and the children ALL learned much--classical musicians are COOL. We are also doing an extensive Civil War lecture, going through the book of Acts; was doing World Geography, but will hold off on that and Biology so he can get those credits via HLS and can concentrate on Alg I, Logic, MUSIC, ART, LATIN, READ as much LITERATURE as possible--he and I both are reading Great Expectations and Olivia, David and I are listening to on our travels to Cincinnati Henty's With Lee in Virginia. ALL three of us will be Civil War experts by the end of this year.

Looking forward. Consider this just a check up journal on my Boy Wonder.

TO Jesus.

Monday, February 4, 2013 9:07 AM CST

Mercy and Miracles.

We have passed through a round of flu which had Olivia and me at Childrens for four nights. She had her follow up clinic last Thursday and all seems to be leveling out. It was a strange stay as she had reaction to VANCO even with all the pre-medications, etc. The doctors were a bit surprised to see her take her time to return home. She was sick and driving 2 hours was not anything she wanted to do after the fevers abated.

Arriving at ED (emergency department) Olivia was wheeled back into a room immediately and within 15 minutes had her hooked up to antibiotics and labs drawn, etc. Olivia answered each question; I was merely the ambulance driver.

I can see where what seems to some as spicy or short answers--is her strength through those times of telling folks what is what.

Olivia also has been mulling over becoming a teacher. To see her with the HCA youngers it is apparent she has the Clausen gene. She is definitely a pioneer back pack wearing little woman.

Where her short answers turn to long drawn out explanations as to why...compassion and love.

We have been blessed to finally have Olivia covered with Hoosier Health; with that came 40 hours of nursing care. After dragging my feet, finally meeting with the small family owned nursing agency and having gone through 46 hours with our beloved new addition to our family--Jackie--I am sold.

Before Jackie came I had asked that God would use us to be an influence on her, not just her coming to do for us.

She is the most down to earth person (and I COME from down to earth people), LOVES animals--never had her own children so her ANIMALS are her children which makes her a special person right there. TENDER and LOVING. She loves watching TCM with Olivia and even said she is listening to classical music at home! She provides us with much needed...don't know what or how to say it, but just so thankful to have her.

Winter is a wonderful season for healing and rest both of which I will take full advantage of as it has been a pretty rough several months.

I can honestly say, today, for the first time in WEEKS that I am excited again about life. Having had a full weekend of time with life giving sources made all the difference.

TO Jesus

Wednesday, December 12, 2012 9:24 AM CST

Olivia, Velvet the Chihuahua and I arrived safely in San Francisco.

I was amazed by both my girl travelers; Olivia a seasoned traveler for sure is easy, Velvet, too.

While laying over in Houston I overheard behind me two Hispanic ladies--I glanced briefly at them before sitting down and devouring my long awaited Texican burrito (I love lay overs in Houston!) I did notice the older woman in the wheelchair eating a hamburger, made me smile. I-burrito; She-hamburger.

After I while I heard the younger of the two repeat over and over in Spanish restroom.

So, eventually, I had to turn around and strike the conversation. Sure enough, the older woman in the wheelchair-- 99 YEARS--had come to Houston to bury her first of six children, a son. Her companion was her youngest daughter, who was glad to talk to me and tell her story of grief. I just felt honored and glad that God reminded me to be me.

We had a great person sitting in the aisle seat on the long leg of the trip which is always refreshing as Olivia had to get up 3 times in the 4 hour flight.

On the plane I sped read Charles Dickens' Great Expectations up to Chapter XXII, writing assignments along the way. Had to stop and rest on several passages and marvel at his descriptive writing. Excited to share with students in the future and go over with David soon.

Olivia was pretty depleted from the flight so hooked up fluids right there in the airport while my phone charged, looking like a MASH unit with her polka dot suitcase opened with all the supplies needed. Fun times, really. I love it.

Greg and my dear Carolyn came for us and we then dropped the three girls at home before grocery and picking up dinner.

Today is GRANDMA LODGIE's (Logi) arrival. Cannot wait.

My goal is to walk to the beach and read a bit, pray a lot and then climb the hill again to the house.

To Jesus.

Saturday, December 8, 2012 6:22 AM CST

We are on the countdown to California stage now.

We had a big week--Olivia got braces and we had nursing for the first time since Olivia first came home with all her "stuff" at 2 years old. We have nursing now being on Indiana's Waiver and it is a huge blessing. We love the nursing agency and our nurse. Olivia did well with her braces; it is a finally a huge blessing that she does not NEED to eat to live because it gave her a few days to adjust.

These are our last days at HCA for this calendar year and the last two days have been full with much goodness.

Thursday we headed to Childrens to see Olivia's nurse to draw labs and have a quick "check-see". After that David, Olivia, Velvet and I scurried on over to HCA where we were able to have time to practice a bit for the program and then have PE.

PE at HCA is a very interesting time. The field in the past was the concrete parking lot, but with the ground being dry we opted for the back field. We choose teams and I am sure to always pick the ball player of the bunch. He is worth 3 fielders which is a help because then I choose the girls. :) Olivia was always so athletic but I can see that with braces, glasses and protecting her side--she can be timid, but she really tries. David on the other hand, being home schooled and not having played on any team sports has really blossomed and enjoyed kick ball--I know the students of HCA love it when we are all there as KICKBALL is THE game. I really am impressed with HOW MUCH EVERYONE has improved since September.

Friday was Christmas festivities as we DeKolds will not be here to finish off the school--so we visited a nursing home.

MANY perspective building moments. It was interesting as at the start the Resident / Student ratio was fairly close. We are NOT about numbers at HCA. So, to me it was a God thing. Had the students introduce themselves (BTW--they really had no idea what I was going to call on them to do other than their songs we are practicing for the program and their reading of Luke). That because a beautiful interactive time and since we have been working on public speaking this whole fall session--they were not intimidated when asked to talk about themselves.

I loved it because I interjected a bit more about each--a public affirmation of each child. The preciousness of who they are...

One of the biggest blessings for me as of late has been my grandmother's guitar which was also my Tia Vangie's. I have always wanted to play the guitar and back when I was with my preschoolers at Catherine Booth I played daily--strumming child songs with folk fervor.

As I stood before them, Nick, one of the Residents said, what kind of guitar do you have? I then told him a little about it; he then went to my heart and stated that it was probably a treasure of mine. Indeed! I love when God brings those angels--people...to speak your language. So standing back with the REsidents I then began Stille Nacht and my memories of Christmas Eve's past flooded my whole body...

Sitting in Aunt Midge's "Living Room" the special music room where we always held our Christmas Eve Program. We each would sing or play our instruments--but always end with Silent Night, holding candles...and I would try to be next to Grandma Blinn, as we called her, and hear her soft wispy voice sing those dear words.

I attribute much of my zeal for action to Gilbert Blinn which was fed to me through his daughter, my Aunt Midgie, but the beauty of it all is the practical down to earth of knowing what is most important came from my Grandmother Irene McCowan Clausen which I got first hand for many years, but still today lives through the times of living I am afforded by my own earthly daddy.

I digress, but it is easy to these days--these December days where I can easily float back to my childhood and grasp for what is most important.

So after Stille Nacht we sang a few others--"winging" it as I say, as the students had no idea, but I had my trusty Christmas Carol booklets--not unlike what my Aunt Midge would pass out each year and collect and reuse. . .

O Come All Ye Faithful in Latin and French followed by English and of course always and forever--

The 12 Days of Christmas.

On the way there I drove the "olders" which consists of my own two, plus two boys just slightly younger than Olivia. I CHERISH times with young people and to be a part of their process of learning, growing--exposing them to the ALL LASTING things of living in this world today.

On the way back I had the three youngers. From having been with the Residents and the LOVELY DEBBIE, the activity DIRECTOR who is my long LOST sister--it seemed--I was full of the Holy Spirit SPILLING and POURING out which came out in a prayer. I had Mystery of History and we listened to Paul's conversion which we are about to study in the book of ACTS in CHAPEL. We even sat in the car longer to finish the story. All good good good stuff.

Practiced for the Program in which Olivia is most excited to be Mary and to help everyone with their costumes.

Oh, and the gift exchange. It was like a Little House on the Prairie. Really special--how each gave their gifts, thoughtfully chosen...

So today, the kids and I will visit Stephanie and Boys. Trying to get as MUCH time in with them as possible...but that is another story, one I will have to share another time when I can.

Depression? Not sure, longing for the Lord Jesus to Return--yes, but keeping busy for Him--always. It is my life's calling. When I am not "doing" I fall prey.

Awake thou that sleepiest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

To Jesus!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012 7:58 AM CST

Olivia's health seems to be stabilizing, yet, then again, last night she was "dumping" which would make sense since yesterday she had braces placed on her teeth. Tomorrow we will have labs drawn and that will complete the "ordered" events needed for Dr. K. She had an abdominal and kidney ultra sound last week, clinic two weeks prior to that and last minute labs tomorrow.

She is such a trooper and has wanted braces for some time. A new smile in the making.

As it goes with the Clausens, sometimes no news means that one is wrestling out conflicts of life. That is the case with me. I have been battling depression along with other "stuffs" which I do not feel privy to share to the whole world at this time. The tunnel is still dark at times and the valley has many miles before the foothills are available for climbing, but that is all right. This too, is a season, we all have them.

I have been growing and learning despite it all. I am thankful for my core group of support who love me unconditionally and have not forsaken me!

God's Word has been such a salve of healing. Comfort, Mirror of Truth, Wisdom and Knowledge of Life.

For all such things I need.

To Jesus!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012 9:45 AM CST

I rarely say, poor Olivia. As my mom would say, she is not poor, but rich. Usually it is those who are the richest the deepest parts of life may look as suffering or hurting...poor.

Venting more and more each day.

Requiring more and more hydration.

I know this is just a phase; I will not rest here, but it is a bit disconcerting.

It does not help that I have been having a kind of ache in the front and sides of my head which makes life seem to stop...slow...

Just want to stay curled up with David on one side and Olivia on the other.

To Jesus.

Monday, November 19, 2012 4:40 PM CST

Been too long again...but sometimes it is hard to journal when things are up and down and all around.

To just focus on Olivia right now, it is true, she is hurting every evening; venting a lot out, not eating, voice different...

Keeping her on TPN or IV fluids very important.

Trying to get everything tweaked before we head to California for 3 weeks.

Abdominal US; renal US; more labs. . .

But she is happy; she loves her time in Cincy with HCA and her friends there. She also is knitting up a storm.

Thankful for productive distractions.
To Jesus!

Monday, November 12, 2012 7:19 AM CST

Last week is really a blur for many reasons, but we got home Wednesday; Thursday back to Cincinnati for HCA's Fall Banquet and home Friday evening.

Olivia's fever was a once spike but it was so strange how it came on that I could not ignore it. So once everyone is alerted we have to head to CCHMC.

It was two days of heavy duty antibiotics for naught--that part always bothers me, but that is something I cannot fight.

We did have opportunity to network with the nurses and doctors. Olivia was even part of a nurse's project to put together a pamphlet for non-English-speaking children. This hospital serves people from all over the world. It is just that good!

Friday, Olivia was so happy to be at HCA at 8:00 AM with all the other children, but by the time of the banquet she was pretty worn out and by the time she sang her solo she was behind but no one would have noticed by the way she sang. I would love to post it on this page somehow--and will figure it out.

LA--I'll have my mom send it to you in an email! You will be so blessed by it!

Olivia is a raw singer like me, no training, but just lots of heart and passion. She got up there and let it all pour out. I was not nervous the whole evening until it came her turn because she had not sung it for anyone but me over this whole course. Pretty wild. She does have strength that comes from the Holy Spirit.

This past weekend was nothing but lots of rest for me and the kids while Dave helped out a friend's brother build a ramp-and he went to church and then to work. David and I worked on memorizing verses while Olivia was in a huge obstruction since Friday. Last evening she began to "dump" which means she probably had at least 8,000 ML out and counting. She will be on FLUIDS this entire week to keep ahead of this. Praying it will end and her body will settle...way down....and rest and work again.

It was a blessing that David opted out of the Leave No Trace training this weekend because he really was and always is the best medicine for his sister and she for him. They have been enjoying Mine Craft an online game they build and work with others--their friends--it is a good thing, but now it is back to school week--and with Olivia seemingly feeling a bit better this morning...it is time to get back to the business of book school.

Olivia has clinic this Thursday as a follow-up. Will be good to go over face to face with Dr. K then issues we presented during "rounds" and Olivia's two clinic nurses. Seems Olivia has lost 4 lb; she is very dependent on IV fluids while off of the 4100 ML bag of TPN (this is a HUGE bag); her leg, back pains are pretty bad--puberty--for the legs, but back pain has always been a problem.

She is taking a break from cello lessons for now. By the afternoon she is spent; that is why no more TKD. Just need different options for her. Really want horseback riding this spring for her, want to make that happen above all else.

TO Jesus.

Monday, November 5, 2012 5:18 PM CST

It has been too long; I rarely have my computer as both David and Olivia enjoy playing a game together which requires computers.

So much has happened.

But right now, Olivia and I are at Childrens since she awoke with a fever this morning.

She is comfy on A4S and cozied up with the best nurse.

We will be here for sure 48 hours. Headache, achy legs.

We shall see.

We have HCA's Fall Banquet this Friday. . .which I have a few things to do yet, but such is life.

Never a dull moment.

The girl is on it; continues to advocate for herself...charming all the nurses, docs...even transport team.

Just being a sweet doll that she is.

To Jesus.

Thursday, October 25, 2012 6:59 AM CDT

Special Day.

It is a dear friend's birthday. Once she told me, "I see you as God does."

That was such an unconditionally loved statement that I have tucked into the recesses of my heart.

This week has been a week of conflict, turmoil, but progress.

Monday we signed our annual papers with Lifespan to continue services, they helped Olivia get on Medicaid. Yes, Medicaid.

Then later that day the nursing agency's owner came to begin our "services"--a faith based small home based nursing agency for only PEDs.

It is always--ALWAYS--as I want it to be--I do NOT want to be SO NUMB I do not feel those days...a bit heart crunchy to recount Olivia's story. I no longer water it down to make people comfortable--and if we rest on 2008; better watch out, because--I tell it "Keesha" style.

A great fit for sure, and Olivia will have her own personal aide in the home to help with house hold duties, making her bed, keeping her room clean, ordering her supplies, maybe someone to help with a documentary.

I was intrepid at first of having someone in the house -- did not want them to think Olivia NEEDED nursing care, but this, yes, she does--who does not need a personal assistant?

I do not want this person to come in and do anything without Olivia there to help. My daughter is more than capable to do any of the above, but because of her circumstances, challenges, could use help in doing them.

Then there is my David.

If you looked in the dictionary under under-rated--he would be there.

I love his sense of humor--dry, quick wit which pierces my soul.

He is only able to attend TKD one time a week. This really bothers him; he senses that the folks who run the show do not think he is serious because he does not come on Monday nights. Funny, Monday evenings is Boy Scouts, where he is a leader. Ah, sigh. Where is finding that common ground with youth and talk to them about their life?

If you sense a little irritation, you are right.

I am an advocate for ALL children. I tend to let my own work it out longer than I would other peoples' children.

I need to speak my concerns and see.

BUT my journal is not about people--nor my disappointment with them for it would turn into a novel, just as if they would have against me.

Our rides to TKD is still lovely light--last week the sky seemed to be shouting God's Voice to us--to follow Him and no other, to Trust Him and no other...this week it was calmer, almost restful. Not peaceful. Restful.

Before we even hit the road down the hill, David mentioned I was not like other moms.

My heart chimed. It sang. I love when he says such things.

I asked him what it was like to be atypical. Yes, we are different on so many levels--within any set community we really do not fit--I could always be friends with many different people, and find a deep friend within such a group but to fit in a group as a whole has never been possible. Even within my own extended family. I am sure I am not as atypical as I think, but I do not know many who do "life" as we do.

Our talk went to my dreams of being creative--from classroom thoughts to fashion wear. It was an amazing ride because in front of us was a car with bumper stickers which seemed to be "signs"--and we ended up following that same car all the way to our own destination!

Neat stuff.

But David is deep. I keep asking him if he would like to "talk" with someone. He says, no. I then ask if he just wants to wait until he is 45 and has a heart attack? No sugar coating, real deal.

Tonight he will go for a NYLT (National Youth Leadership Training) staff interview. Last summer mom and Jerry paid for him to attend this camp as a camper and this year he wants to be on staff. Proud of him. He is a pursuer, doer, shaker...

One truth I have found; I know this to be true.

If you shine your Light that is given some will follow and want to be a part of it; others will be jealous and want to snuff it, but no matter what--no matter what--never give up. Never give up.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012 10:27 AM CDT

Met our next/new case manager today; she was delightfully normal and nice.

Set up the initial appointment with the agency to begin our services.

It will be a major answer to prayer to have someone helping with Olivia's stuff. It is perfect timing. Time for her to take on more, but with help.

Fall is definitely in the air and the colors are in full show from the sky, trees to the ground. It is awesome.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

I have not felt well for some time. It is that changing of life season for me; I find I do not have the same energy levels. Each month I am bombarded with a nagging headache which Mr. Wings seems to hone into my need for quiet and he adds his two cents of squawking when someone is in the house! AH!

I know this too shall pass and will be through to the other side in a day or two. Using Olivia's style of living has helped me to seize those good days and rest when needed. All in His time and all well.

We are such a funny people, we DeKolds. Cats, dogs, birds, TPN, needles, tubing, Scout patches, pumps, flutes, cello, violin and piano...lots of singing, music and bird watching. . .

To Jesus.

Saturday, October 13, 2012 8:11 AM CDT

Bringing into practice the great red woods. Sharing their story of strength and boldness yet fragility singly.

David is in Fort Knox with his Jeffrey enjoying Patriot Games. It is a pretty big every 4 year kind of deal for Boy Scouts. David enjoys being around other scouts, especially those who embrace and enjoy being a true scout. Dave drove him down and ended up helping parking cars with David for the afternoon. Was thankful Dave was off yesterday to experience it all with David.

Not knowing how all that was to be I had to for go an opportunity to see one of my redwoods at a gala of great importance, but God gave me another opportunity to be present at another redwood's daughter's birthday party. Was good for Olivia and good for me. I am trying to open up more to those I know are safe and full of love for me and my family.

So things plug along. We have Lifespan case worker coming Tuesday to do a review of us. It is always such a funny time as our house in no way shape or form is typical or normal. Nor are we.

Next time to schedule a interview with the agency who is providing an "aide" for Olivia. I really see this as another giant leap into independency in her care. Both of my children are very independent, but hoping this aide will take over supplies--organizing, ordering and helping with the boxes, silver bags, etc. All things that can clog our little basement drain. (not literally)

Early November Olivia has a clinic. In this clinic I hope to talk about things which have been brought to the table recently.

Olivia is chronically out of breath, racing heart and small snippets of black out--this is of course while NOT on TPN (well, the out of breath is all the time)--hydration is a major factor and even being just off TPN a short while brings on such. So...

We know her body is growing and she is crossing over the bridge of adolescence which can skew and make different baselines and over all well being.

A quick look into her world. The birthday party last night they made THE CUTEST horse cupcakes. Now, Olivia loved making it, but eating it--NO WAY! She has such a different pair of glasses in watching people eat. Can you imagine 10 other little girls chowing down on their horses? Olivia in ALL good humor and being VERY happy to have been there--said, it was so GROSS!

What a funny life.

TO JESUS!

Monday, October 8, 2012 9:39 AM CDT

Charlie, our mini Aussie shepherd dog, never barked prior to Velvet the chihuahua was added to our family. A little concerned I asked our vet why he does not bark and his response was because Charlie did not have anything about which to bark. Now, Charlie barks alongside his side kick who at times can embarrass even him into walking away quietly.

I can relate to Charlie.

For so many years I have been asked to speak at banquets and award ceremonies.

I truly feel for the first time I have something to say. Clearly want it to be His, not mine. It is frustrating to have to weed through the lingo which can seem dead and asleep.

This past weekend I took for my own a Fall Retreat Away; it was UC's Homecoming weekend so it fit perfectly for me to enjoy not just time alone, but also with dear old friends.

First, I was able to be at HCA for two days in a row. This truly is my heart's action. It is a peculiar thing--this driving two hours to teach 8 children, by the standards of some, but it is so natural for me.

Having to leave David and Olivia behind for my fullness of a retreat away, I worked with each student on public speaking. They each will have opportunity to share a bit about themselves then read a poem or speech. We accomplished much using methods I have seen in action during Suzuki string camps, my own experience as a flute teacher. Repetition. Each were amazed at the progress of their peers. To Jesus!

So much happening within this little school--much to share, but the time is still not yet here.

Friday evening I then drove over to my ALMA MATER the UNIVERSITY of CINCINNATI where I joined with other UC BAND ALUMNI in a dinner and visiting! What FUN! It was very healing and wonderful for my heart.

Saturday's festivities was filled with so much. We started out with an indoor alumni practice, my piccolo was like a tin whistle, but that is okay--it still did what I needed. We then practiced on the field with the "regular" UC Band.

Then lunch on campus with friends, remembering old days, and sharing about our families--then time for the parade! Can I say--heaven? There is such a wonderful feeling of marching and playing.

Time after the parade was waiting for the Cat Walk where the band forms a tunnel for the players to walk through. I stood behind the trombones and enjoyed talking with the undergrads.

After all the players walked through the band then folds in after the team and marches two by two--with their director, Dr. Frenz following and directing them. I walked back to the band room with him. Introduced myself, heard his story--50 years of dedicated service to music education, shared my heart about children using music and art as conduits in all subjects. Rich. Very rich indeed. Then the band broke into 4 across and he noticed a hole in the last line which happened to be the piccolos.

Smiling.

He invited me to join the ranks. I know, I am such a silly girl, but I think it was one of the highlights of the weekend. Cutting up with the youngsters, talking about life and hoping they can see that life is so fragile and sweet all within a few minutes.

God is so great.

Marching at Nippert was sweet. Pregame was perfect except when I almost left the field with the regular band! Giggling.

It was made perfect to be back with my fellow band mates who like me treasured those days of youth of marching and cheering. Now, we can truly rejoice in life for we have seen more of it.

Before heading home I attended services at Hillside Baptist Church. My body was a bit tired, but my spirit was truly in full fledge fury. I was going to paint on Exodus 18. That morning I read it yet again, praying for a visual image, but God spoke to my heart saying that these art pieces I do--are signs. Like a Stop sign or a Yield sign or a Exodus 18 sign--a reminder, a memorial...I am very excited--He gave me words and phrases to pull out--with color, nothing complicated, almost the words I would have highlighted in my Bible, but written out with colors to make it all the more memorable. To be remembered. To heed...to do...

...backing up a bit, Thursday evening driving back to Rosella's condo, I heard a message...the pastor, preacher, speaker was talking about the Light, forgiveness--our need for one another.

It was monumental to me.

He spoke of the great redwood trees in California, now grand and strong they are, how their root system must be great, but it is only a shallow system which runs horizontal to the next tree where the roots find one another and wrap around and weave through to make their foundation strong to withstand the storms of life.

I had shared this Friday at school with the students when Brittany cut out the redwood trees while finding landscapes in National Geographic magazine. It was a Holy Spirit moment--and just as my own children see me FLIP out over these sort of things--they saw it. It was part of what He wants from me.

So, I had an audience.

Before I led them in They Will Know We are Christians...I had to share such a beautiful picture that He Himself CREATED for us to learn from and emulate.

God is my Lord. He is my Savior, but He is THE Creator of this whole deal, down to the microscopic pieces of life to the magnificent redwood trees all the way out to the way out of space and time.

So the calling keeps growing and He puts me deeper into places I never thought I could do--nor wanted to, but in the midst of His sweet guidance it is the best place to be.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012 9:16 AM CDT

Yesterday was a bittersweet day. One year ago Dave lost his dad on this earth, but with death comes life and God gave a great blessing and encouragement to Dave as his own son advanced to Life Scout at the Court of Honor.

Life is so multi faceted.

Not only is he Life Scout but he was voted as Senior Patrol Leader. I know I am repeating myself here, but here, are the people who care most--who have read or are forced to read (thanks to my supportive mother!) and you have had at some time contact with me and my children in a long time role.

David is excited to lead. His time spent at National Youth Training Leadership--thanks again to mom and Jerry--was very much a good step for him and he is anxious to utilize what he has learned. I am finding too, that he enjoys being in situations where he can lead.

Olivia's explosion of learning is surprising me daily. With my focus on nature at HCA, she has taken it to a much deeper level herself. Having always raised my children on the admiration of God's Creation--studying it, collecting it, marveling as I call it--she is very interested in life and preserving it if at all possible. From crickets to walking sticks-toads to turtles. She really is all about it.

It is all good there, but she is STILL having SO much out of her G and J tubes. Hardly eating. Just wondering where this baseline will rest.

But GOD knows. I am sure of it and not in a state of panic or worry--just being mindful and praying.

TO Jesus!

Saturday, September 29, 2012 8:02 AM CDT

In July of 1989 I realized who I was. I was lost, sick and tired.

It was that 9th day of July where I heard a preacher speak about Jesus like I had never heard before--and Who He was; it was a day in which all the days before had melted and I too melted--small enough to fit through that narrow gate.

I will never forget it.

Pure.

Simple.

I have not always been the best example, not made the best choices, but God has always been able to burn away the dead the wrong and bring forth life and His righteous.

Being a people pleaser has been a struggle for me. Reminds me of when I would be observed as a young teacher, so concerned over what one saw that in the beginning I lost sight of my true audience. My students.

Life can be like that. We can get so caught up in what others may think, that the seed God planted in us is unable to grow for lack of the tender loving care which that seed requires.

The seed God planted in me before I even truly knew Him I feel is at a explosion of energy growth.

Thursday and Friday September 27, 28

Olivia had her iron infusion at Same Day Surgery at CCHMC. Professional, Refreshing, Caring, PRESENT with Olivia. Olivia pretty much handled it all, down to making sure she had her requested DVD. We always have fun with our nurses there--by the time we are finished with them--Olivia and I try to impart something meaningful, naturally. It really is a great time. Strange, but hey, why not?

Afterwards we joined David over at HCA where we had left him prior to iron. I took over with school. It was a strange day with things out of the ordinary happening; just the kind of stuff that happens in school life--life in general, but there is always something good coming from it all.

Olivia seemed to do well with her iron and we all slept at the school; my children are pioneers and good sports.

Friday we took the kids to Shawnee Lookout Park which in on top the ridge by the Ohio River very close to Indiana. There we took at 2 mile hike with 6 children. 6-14 years. We packed cheese sticks, water, and sketchbooks and pencils. David and Olivia said I stopped too much, but by the end I had the children all showing me things.

We saw many grape vines, a plant from the mint family, because plants with square, cubed stems are from the mint family, we heard our blue jay and cardinal, collected a slug, saw beautiful lichen and moss. It was God's classroom.

It is plain rewarding to me to introduce and share the things of life I find to be most important.

How we treat one another.

How we look at God's Creation.

How we react to one another and God's Creation.

To stop and see the intricate design of our Creator in it all.

At one point we saw an old tree stump that had a young tree growing out of it.

What a great picture of not only July 9, 1989, but also daily living in Jesus.

Of course I had to expound on such an illustration.

After lunch we played kickball. Kickball is HCA's favorite game right now, at least when the DeKolds are there. It is such a delight to watch Sofia standing on the 3rd base, twirling around and her braids horizontally flying from her bod and Jadon is always sure to keep track of the outs. My children have played VERY LITTLE TEAM sports so they ABSOLUTELY LOVE kickball. It is a great leveling of learning for David and Olivia. David has humility down for sure. There is much to learn just within this simple game--so like baseball--and what a better place to learn--but in our own CINCINNATI--where the REDS are....

But I have to say the highlight of the whole day was not the kickball game nor even walking in His garden...woods, but it was when Mr. Bledsoe led us in Bible study. We have been going through Acts, but instead looked at II Timothy. It truly is a deep time of the week, probably my favorite always. I am learning more and more about Paul and in doing so am so humbled, encouraged and ready!

So we arrived home late last night; Dave is off at a WOOD BADGE training in KY for Boy Scouts. David will soon be gone for 6 hours to sell popcorn today AND tomorrow again for 6 hours. I hope to reclaim the house, organize David and Olivia's school and prepare for my art classes on Monday.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012 12:17 AM CDT

It is my BIRTHDAY! I was born September 25, 1963.

The celebration started last night with the news of David being elected Senior Patrol Leader of his troop! He was most excited and concerned about the election and SO ready to put into action what he has learned at NYLT this past summer. Very thankful. Great timing with Eagle Project holding off until spring; it is all good. Thank you, Lord for the best.

The children have music lessons later, but Dad will take them so I can stay in and continue my birthday celebration.

From an outsider it may look like just another day, but it has been filled with the conscience effort to do all the things I love most here at home.

Had a great drive down this morning before the rain and fog set in--I saw fantastic lightening and shared my love for baba gannjou and talked with a new Starbucks employee trying to make sense of it all. Papa is getting his shocks changed out while David, Olivia and I are home. Dave, is at work--he was unable to get off.

BUT...I practiced scales on my flute for a good 10 minutes straight. Fixed Chickadee's pen for the rainy weather with Olivia. Took a nature rain and fog walk with Olivia discovering all sorts of spider's webs, making a soup and lunch, doing all the things that make me truly happy. . . watching my children press on with their studies, but I will slip down the basement steps soon to paint.

I must paint today. It has been far too long and there are so many things I want a beginning before I forget.

Had a lovely lovely lovely long talk with my mom and got to talk with my brother. . . and all the birthday wishes pouring in--I am so blessed, more than I ever could deserve, but that is okay--God really does love me!

Trying to do all the things I need to do in this day to be able to say--what a great day. I try to do that every day, but some days can be hard to say that.

Really just want to do my best--practice what I preach to my students.

Thank you, Lois Ann for the birthday card. Makes me smile. What a sweet friend.

Just so thankful. Looking forward to the rest of this week!

To JESUS!

Sunday, September 23, 2012 10:26 AM CDT

David worked at a training for cub scout leaders yesterday; he enjoys having the responsibility of leadership. He does well and is prepared to give an answer.

Olivia and I had opportunity to take an over a mile hike rated moderate to difficult yesterday. It was at Shawnee Lookout Park in Ohio. It was absolutely a perfect day for such. The clouds, the colors of trees starting to change, the river, the wind...all of it--we heard the trees clapping.

So today she is resting, David, too. He is still pretty racked with allergies and asthmatic flare.

Yesterday felt like a retreat to me--waking at Rosella's condo--songs in my heart, sitting at her piano and singing...releasing...giving it all back to Him.

I am in anticipation of what He is doing; curious as to what He has for us next. It seems there is never a moment that He is not showing me or giving to me.

To JESUS!

Friday, September 21, 2012 11:55 PM CDT

When things are hard it makes me want to find the solution and not give up.

The essence of today.

Purely.

Woke up in the middle of the night and unable to sleep again, I guess that is what people call insomnia.

Dave was home with David while Olivia and I headed to HCA arriving later than anticipated due to the inability to sleep, but there in time to get Rossini introduced before heading up for chapel.

Week three and everyone is starting to see how far--always a fun time and jealous I am not there daily, but it is not the time.

Olivia and I then headed north to watch Korey and Killian in ANNIE. 3 Detours, two car chases, two wrong turns and a have to rest stop--we made it 2.5 hours later! How in the WORLD was the theme--Olivia and I just really having a good time.

It is always so deep to see my Stephanie and boys. I do feel like an auntie to them and after the show when they came up to hug their mother--and I approached Killian and he said, "I miss you."

Implode! I just wanted to implode--stop...and just blink all my most favorite people (mostly children past and present) onto my own private island where we sipped on fresh water, listened to the birds and painted sunsets in the evenings--not forever, just a few days. That is it--a camp, I still see that as some sort of a dream. Having what my dad has now, what I grew up with--hobby farm, art, music, theater--for children--all children--with or without. . .

But alas, it is bed--may slumber come--yes, it will for we are in His haven of rest--Rosella's condo.

To Jesus!

Thursday, September 20, 2012 9:30 AM CDT

David is still racked with allergies and asthma flare; pretty miserable. I think Dave and I have come to the point where we need to do something more medically for him. Want to see if I can get him in with someone at CCHMC--I have said it over and over, but I think it is time.

It does not help that he also realizes that the eagle project will have to wait most likely until spring which Dave and I had hoped since the start.

I watch him and his tendencies are to be like me in the up and down of living. My struggles have been very real especially over the last few years of my body's change. Today I am more up. Thankfully, so.

The goal for this weekend is to rest and get caught up on school; he will have to forgo a scouting opportunity which he declared last night.

Olivia and I had a delightful late afternoon out in the yard. We had been pretty low mode Tuesday and Wednesday but I forced myself out of the house. It reminded me of my dear Sarah Krauskopf in her wisdom to young brand new mothers--to sit outside even for 5 minutes a day to drink in the fresh air and hear the birds.

Indeed. Charlie dog herding Chickadee hen all about the yard while I gathered acorns and seed pods for observation and possible art projects. Olivia and I planned her garden for next spring and found many natural treasures in observing spider's webs.

Self preserving on this earth for me is to look at His Creation as the moveable and simply complex designs that it all is. Taking snap shots with my mind and heart, poetically speaking (out loud at times), I chuckled as I headed around back of the house and had a hen and a dog following me. My hands full of gathered goods...I was for that short moment sure I had begun my eccentric stage of life. It is such a God given treat, to be with oneself and truly enjoy the company.

We have good news to share. I sure do hope it turns out good. There have been several people over the years who have seemingly rode in our lives in the name of "help" but over time realize that it is a long term commitment. Yes, every day, things HAVE to be done above and beyond your regular living of cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

Olivia has been awarded way too many hours; we will only use what we need. I received a phone call from a SMALL HOME BASED CARE company telling me Olivia had been awarded hours.

I plainly stated this: I need to be upfront with you. We do not need skilled nursing at this time. Olivia is 12 years old; she has an ileostomy, G and separate J tube, puts in an overnight catheter every night and is TPN dependent through a CVL. She has never had a line/blood infection except when she came home with a PICC line and the nursing care had not changed her cap in 6 weeks--and we change them about every week. She hooks herself up, she does all her tube care (good or bad), she puts in her overnight cath and empties and changes her out pouch. At this stage in the game it is more about getting her supplies under control/organized--cutting down boxes, finding new homes for the ice packs, and helping her keep her room clean, mopped floor, changing her bed linens, etc.

David does not want someone coming to the house to "help" once a week, Olivia seemed indifferent, for me, I am willing to give it a try to see. We have to use this service, and if we have someone who is a good fit--I may finally have the help/aid...

As I tackled the mound of clothing downstairs last night, I practiced my speech to the aid--letting her (Olivia insists on a woman as do I) know that LIVING FULLY beats out a CLEAN house any day. COOKING by SCRATCH beats out pre-packaged foods as much as possible...so you will come to a lived in home--with furry animals who play an important part.

I am excited to have a new opportunity with someone--who is coming into my home. I hope that we will be a positive influence and encouragement.

Last night I stayed up late as I can do after coming out of a funky. . .

Worked on my lessons for tomorrow. Cannot wait to see my students.

Here is the menu:

Review over the Greek alphabet song
Discuss calligraphy and look over their homework of writing Lessons 1-2 Latin phrases in nice handwriting.
Review over birds discussed so far and introduce the Black Capped CHICKADEE
Introduce the next History song after reviewing previous

CHAPEL: Songs: Star Spangled Banner, This is My Father's World, Joyful Joyful, We Adore Thee, Nothing But the Blood, Dona Nobis Pacem
Verse I will share from Titus 2:7-8
MOVE through the BOOK of ACTS! I have to say, chapel is my favorite time of the week, period.

Read through poems for Fall Banquet, go over Public Speaking tips and hints

Introduce Opera using Rossini's William Tell Overture via CLASSICSFORKIDS.org
. Opera terms, 4 major composers, types of opera and human voices order.

TO JESUS.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012 10:49 AM CDT

Yesterday as the day wore on I felt less like me. My art classes were productive but yet I felt as if I was not able to get to the core, but we pressed on with productivity.

David asked me to help with the art merit badge for his patrol. You would think I would know better. Just as I always tell my children about life--whatever it may be--it is more than just what the task or experience is or will be.

Last night with the four younger to two older my heart was opened to their voices, thoughts, and drawings. Just as I do, so does my son, but he being 14 years old tends to be a bit undercover in his heart's discoveries and concerns with people.

It is in his backward ways of stating the obvious about my passion for people--I know David is cut from the same cloth as his great grandparents and grandparents; just as I am.

David and Olivia have been playing MINDCRAFT which is a highly approved computer game where they build houses, have animals, etc. It is really quite impressive. Olivia showed it to me the other day the house that she and her brother built together; why David said they needed certain objects, parts, etc. He will be a great provider and protecter, Lord Protect His Heart...now.

Looks like the Eagle Project will need to be pushed off into the horizon with winter coming and scout calendars in the FALL are ALWAYS booked. Just pray that David can be flexible and release that. He has a set of goals; he is determined to do certain things like his Eagle Project, begin Chinese and one other which I am still praying how to do. I REALLY hope he will take the stress off of himself and go with a SPRING PROJECT--please pray for this with us.

David and I both are down for the day; I almost feel like flu and he is just really racked up with allergy type symptoms which always happens after campouts. He mentioned to me how he needs to start personal fitness but does not have the energy...

Walking out of scouts he said I needed to dust off my Committee Chair uniform; he trusts and loves me to do what is needed, but it is not the time for that. If....IF......IFFFFFFF.....Olivia was a typical young lady we ALL would have been along the scouting experience, but it was NOT part of the plan--I know that my stepping down and out has not deterred David in any way. Made him stronger.

We were such the odd couple walking into Meijer last night--I was wearing my "artist wear" and he his scout uniform. FIVE STARS to the GREETER who CONGRATULATED David with his Order of the Arrow sash, etc. He was impressed with her knowledge of the scout uniform. I was impressed by her willingness to say something nice to a young man.

Olivia said to me this morning, "Mama, I was really listening to you during your flutes lessons...I wish you were my cello teacher, you are such a good teacher..."

So up from the BED I arose. Home-made chicken soup and back to rest.

To Jesus. All of it!

Sunday, September 16, 2012 8:41 AM CDT

Beautiful Sunday Morning.

We are staying close to home; Olivia's tank is still a bit empty.

Right now we are focusing on God's Creation at HCA; the students are learning this area's birds AND their calls. So, Olivia and I had Mr. Wings on the deck with us, there we worked with him. We found all sorts of interesting natural pieces to examine. Wanted to take her to her garden, but too much. I have never known anyone to squeeze as much living out of moments and body energy as Olivia.

Now, she is not a super heroine--nor do I want to promote her as such. She also is not perfect; she is a little sister who loves her brother and will agitate at times but when it all comes down to it--she is a fragile flower whose petals may look dry on one day but the next full of water. Her reserves hold strength and pain tolerance, but when the reservoir is depleted--it is time to rest.

She works hard to keep her facade appearing normal when needed but never reluctant to tell me when things are crumbling.

Would love to find a place where she could ride horses, learning about them, etc. on a regular basis--during the day--evenings are not good.

TKD has been slightly shelved at this point for her; it is in the evening and she was not advocating for her needs and something I find interesting--she did not feel comfortable in doing so, yet, she announces to her HCA friends and has no problem doing what she needs or can do there. Just a Sunday morning observation.

Much happening this week with my art studio open; Monday it will be full of my precious artists. We head back to Cincinnati on Thursday for good learning opportunities again. Thankful for those who have been a great help with this endeavor, ministry...the fruit is already showing out of the students. To say I am excited is the understatement of the year. To hear one mother's testimonial on Friday really was such a blessing.

It has been such a huge BOOST to have new positive people in each of my teaching experiences. I love to validate people. It is always such a great day saver, maker when someone just shares something kind...a word or a smile.

I'll take it.

To Jesus!
To Jesus.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012 7:53 AM CDT

This year is SO different from any other. It is a bit reminiscent of the days before we "did" book learning.

Having the deadline of meeting with accountability is a wonderful thing...once a week that is!

Olivia is DIVING into her science and history--reading like she has NEVER done before. She is by far more of an informational reader--like her Papa Virg. She is constantly giving me tidbits of what she has learned. She has finished a knitted vest for herself--her first project for human wear. It was her own pattern, etc. Now one for me!

David is clearly focused on his Eagle Project. Working, thinking, and talking about it a lot. With that comes a bit of intensity of concern--wondering if he will have enough people, etc. So, I pray, and try not to say too much of the motherly things that upset a young person at this stage. It is hard.

Both kids are at a stage where they have NO problem in talking about pumps, tubes, backpacks even catheters...David is very vocal which I think is healthy--although most of it is not a positive response to pumps, tubes and what comes out of them and left in his room. . . but IT is part of who WE all are.

I do not force Olivia to eat all her vegetables which in turn for someone like David who struggles with certain fruits and vegetables himself--he sees it as an injustice!

Actually, I do not force Olivia to eat anything--ever. I sometimes get scolded for NOT making her something to eat. I am trying to ask her if she wants what is being cooked. Fried eggs are the main stay right now.

She is still in a flare of a sorts. Lots still coming out that should not be, time off of TPN needs to be less and the chronic back pain still chronic. We solved the "hot lava" situation with a tablet she can suck on--not a pill to swallow, but overall--Olivia is a champ. She detests whiners and rarely ever tells me anything--so I have learned especially over the summer that I have to gain some control--if it just being checking in with her--she makes it all look so....

easy.

At HCA there is a boy who wears hearing aids. Now, granted this is a SMALL school--two handfuls of children when MY children are there. . .Olivia has already shown her stuff ON her OWN--not a big production, but in her time and when I did not even know--but she CANNOT wait to tell this new boy WHY she wears a backpack. She told me TWICE she was about to tell him but I redirected the group to another project. Made me smile. I can remember where she would be irritated by people's questions, but now--she cannot wait.

The one teen girl mentioned how her dad needs 02 and should be wearing it during the day; I said, yeah, like Olivia. He could get a backpack; she went on to say how "normal" Olivia was and looks. Healthy.

Made me smile. I love those children. The majority of them all have their own stuff...and just feels like such a great fit for us at this time.

To Jesus!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012 8:34 AM CDT

Today is my Aunt's birthday...I want to say happy birthday to Aunt Linda and also remembering the little girl years ago who had her liver transplant on September 11th. Yet it is a horrible day in our nation's history; so many lives lost--want to remember those who died that day and their families in a real way.

It is September. September. It is MY birthday month and more importantly my mother's.

My mom's visit was so deep with so much life happening; it is a wonder she ever comes back, but she knows me and how I am and thankfully--she is unconditional in her love.

We had hoped to have a trip north with her and Aunt Midge and Aunt Vangie my mom's two siblings, but alas, my body was worn out, heart depleted and although Olivia would have mustered up what was needed--she needed rest.

Instead we had a day with the Aunties here...in my home...in my studio...in my nest. It was gloriously liberating as the big room/living room was full of piles of books yet to be organized for school and the kitchen prepared with food.

I may have already journaled this day, but it was one of my favorite days of the summer for sure. Nothing fancy, only my Aunties...which is the real deal of fancy-dom.

It was joyous to have relatives--real live relatives--in the house. Olivia pulled out her wares for the Aunties to see--it is impressive all her knittings. She has knitted a whole collection for a set of dolls--her own patterns; wash cloths, hand warmers--she makes more money than I! Auntie Vangie who is an artist living in New Mexico really validated Olivia's hand made work; Auntie Midge and she taking their time, looking over, talking about each, making it an event.

I think my heart is grieving over that today. So much of our lives is such a check list of things to do. I see so many children being thrown to the side. We as the older generations really need to invest in those children who may not be the squeaky wheels of society. Find a good kid, validate them, love them, pray for them...but with your actions--support them.

I was completely convicted of this over the summer. I can tend to want to help people. I saw that my own two were in great need of me and doors had been left open for not so good stuff to enter, but in the end...God DOES win. HE does gain the victory for that I am thankful. My mom was such a great help with this season and is a great resource for David and Olivia as they listen to her with a different ear than Dave and me.

David is coming to the end of the planning part of his Eagle Project. This is a big deal, big deal for him. I have really come to see that it is one of those pivotal places in his world/life. Scares me a bit as I want to do what is best and be that kind of support he will look back to and be thankful.

I have pulled back from social media, not from people. There is a huge difference. It has been healing here in the shade of the mountain. The valley has beautiful things to observe and obey.

Want to say a special thank you to precious friend who replied simply, "how can we help?" when I told her about David's Eagle Project...because I know from where she sits or reclines--that is huge.

To be found faithful in all things.

To Jesus.

Monday, September 10, 2012 5:07 PM CDT

One revelation is so encouraging but to have so many pouring out and into is such a miracle.

One of the main revelations is to stop and take time and ponder, write about it as I once did, not snippets thrown out to be chewed up into a newsfeed, but to continue back on this path a dear friend of long ago had encouraged me to do...write. It is not a fancy blog but good ole caringbridge. I'll take it.

Many friends and acquaintances have inquired as to "what" I am doing these days so here you have it--in a quick nutshell before I run David down to Boy Scouts.

Many years ago, I taught at a school called Norwood Baptist Christian School in Norwood, Ohio. I began teaching there just after a year of turning my life over to Jesus Christ. I was YOUNG and I was ZEALOUS but I was His. There I grew up with several of my students and was afforded my heart's life line--teaching.

Well, some almost 20 years later am reunited with one of the teachers from this school who has since started and run other Christian schools to now focus attention to Hillside Christian Academy which is house with Hillside Baptist Church in the western side of Cincinnati. The fun part of all this is it is just up the hill and round some curves from where I did some work for the Cincy Recreation EVEN FURTHER back in time. Loved those people and really intrigued by this opportunity.

We visit this school once a week where I teach a myriad of subjects, very similar to how I taught my preschoolers at Catherine Booth Day Care before I knew the Creator. Art is a means to the solved problem--or should I say visual production is.

Languages of Latin, German, Greek, Nature Study, Music, Art, Grammar, Geography and History...bites of each to dig deeper when needed or wanted. Last week we were drawing the blue jay and I played from my iTunes: Peterson's Guide of Eastern and Central Birds and saw a 11 year old boy's face LIGHT up in response to hearing this bird's call. He can now put a name to that call--and some fun attributes as well! That is just but a small tiny tiny sample of what we will taste. We will also have a chapel every week dissecting the book of Acts which has been a huge portion to digest each week. Good substantial food.

David and Olivia take courses as well and they in turn help me as well. It is very much a WIN - WIN situation; serving others, being given too as well...amazing times.

Plus with that I will carry on my home art studio with three classes on Mondays twice a month plus 3 flute students. Today was the FIRST day of such classes--more to follow on that another time. BLESSING for sure. So thankful for the variety of students I saw today!

That goes without saying I have both David and Olivia's schooling to manage. I have taken charge of David's English and biology. I am very excited about both of these as ENG I was one of my favorite courses I taught at NBCS; reading Great Expectations, journal writing, spelling/vocabulary, grammar (busy!) while David is taking Logic, Alg I, World History strictly from HCA. HUGE help. Olivia is taking pretty much all her subjects via HCA but I manage how much, etc. What a blessing that has been for her to hear her reading--asking me if I knew this or that from her reading. She has grown. She has been my very "unschooled" kid but is happy to be in a "schooled" situation.

The wonderment of it all is how she LOVES to share her stuff with the friends there--like a family. Safe. She is making being "good--cool."

David is doing his eagle project at HCA--another OUT of the Box DeKold way of doing things...I just pray he will get enough folks willing give up a Friday after school all day Saturday to do this project.

Many of the other "life-revelations" have been born out of the above paragraphs. Having my children with me as we do a "project"--not a drive down the hill 5 minutes and do something once a month, but to be challenged and sharpened to do something which does take sacrifice and obedience.

Before my mom left--the very morning, my mom, David and Olivia and I were all talking. We considered a lot of what is happening in this world. When the talk rested on something called a missions trip--my dear mother, Grandma Logi remarked that David and Olivia partake weekly in such a thing; so thankful that she knows me--knows what is the core of it all and in the end I pray that lives will be altered for GOOD...for the LIGHT...for Jesus is the Light of the World.

Time to end--David to Scouts...

He is working heavily on his EAGLE PROJECT! Exciting.

Please pray for his project to run smoothly as he is working very hard on it.

TO JESUS!

Thursday, September 6, 2012 2:11 AM CDT

Labor Day with Aunties, First day of school at HCA and Grandma's departure...all in three wonderful days.

My mom spent a short week with her two sisters and we were blessed with a full day of Aunt Vangie who lives in New Mexico and Aunt Midge who is in Ft Wayne, IN on Labor Day. It was a glorious day filled with singing and conversation of life and family--love and love. I cherish that day.

The following day mom and the kids and I headed to Cincy to participate in the first day of school at HCA. I cannot mention HCA without saying the short sentence of "I'm so excited." because I am! One of the top excitement builders is chapel--going through the book of Acts and sharing songs and other elements during this time.

Then I come to yesterday. It was a beautiful day as we had a deep morning of conversations of life with mom, David, Olivia and me. We sat on the sofa doing school and chattering on topics of gun control, government, history of weaponry, Jesus--always Jesus Lord and Savior...

Anyway, it was so very bittersweet to drop my mother at the airport. She in her traveling clothes--what she wears EVERY time she flies--whether it be to Indiana to Israel. :)

I have to cling to the wonderful memories and times to come with my far away family--because although they are so very far away...they are so incredibly nearly embedded in my heart.

Olivia's body seems to have settled a bit. I have had to step back into her world not to take over, but to know a little more information on her day to day stuff.

Several appointments need to be made. Thinking October as in September we need to take care of some normal kid stuff like dentist and eye doctor.

So today...I will thank the Lord for another day.

To Jesus.

Thursday, August 30, 2012 6:59 PM CDT

Flare Scare.

Looking over the last several weeks; Olivia has had ups and downs.

When Olivia and I disclose to Dave the full picture--it usually catapults us into high alarm. Olivia assured me that she would be all right; she was questioning whether it was another UTI, but...

Olivia and I drove to Cincy last night and stayed the night close by although at that time she had noticeably had turned the good corner. We enjoyed a girl night and this morning drove 5 minutes to the hospital.

Radiology was full of different families, some who were there for a broken bone, others regulars. When the tech came out and asked access/veins and said IV. . . it was a full hour of quiet fragile tears hidden behind glasses.

We all felt that the CT scan was still needed--to see inside to the intestines. . .

By the time she was called back, Olivia was back to herself of clearing out all pieces of metal from under her shirt--CT scan was a new experience for her; she has had them before but not when she is "well". . .The techs as always were very present and met Olivia where she was. It is always fun when they ask what grade she is in--I say, 6th grade going on 12th. She answered that she attended Hillside Christian Academy and when asked if she had a boy friend, Olivia changed her tune and said she is home schooled. Ha! I mentioned that indeed she had boys who are friends!

Everyone, like usual, was absolutely wonderful with Olivia. They are always so impressed with her knowledge of her body and her apparatuses.

Once in clinic Olivia tells her story to her TWO nurses, who BOTH wanted to see her and were SO relieved to see how GOOD she looked. One told us that Dr. K was very much in high alert--and had emailed her surgeon--both concurred that CT scan was best and important.

Dave and I both feel relieved to know that her intestine looks "Olivia normal" and even showed that the walls of the intestine were thick--could be "juicy" but we were glad to know--not thin.

Was able to share my concern about the Medical Camp we have attended and how the children on TPN or with tubes do NOT have a group to cover their cost. Hoping to build some awareness into this community of "camps" as well as the "groups" which serve those who have an alternative way of receiving nutrition.

Grandma Lodgie is still back in the East, visiting Northern Indiana with her two sisters; we had hoped to join them, but it is clear that it was not meant to be.

Time to regroup, walk the dogs, plan the lessons, paint the canvas...and snuggle closely.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012 7:38 AM CDT

Hard to see her like this.

David came home from his scouting function; Mr. Smitson asked if he could bring him home; I am getting much better these days to accept help from friends. Dave was over in Louisville still and I did not want to leave Olivia for a jaunt down the hill.

It is such a strange sensation. I hear recorded voices from years long ago in my head regarding this season.

Olivia mentioned that the upper part of her stomach is really hurting. A nurse years ago told me how a teen ager wished they could have a button placed there to help relieve the pressure.

I can still hear Dr. Kaul's explanation of pseudo obstruction and the foretelling of the possible progression during puberty.

It has been a long time since Olivia has felt up to sitting outside at night with ChickaDee. She has been working up to "this" whatever "this" is...we have already seen the big flush of fluids once, but then her body stopped altogether again.

So she rests today. Too much bed rest is a danger as well. Need her failed GI tract to just muster up a little energy.

Sent an email to her trusted doctor and nurses. So it looks like he is a bit concerned from an actual mechanical obstruction due to adhesions. We will be heading to Cincy for some tests at some point this evening for tomorrow AM.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012 8:14 PM CDT

Been hectic...in my head maybe, not really around here. . .

Since being home we have slowed things way down.

Reluctantly I journal about Olivia on a medical front because it does not define her...it places boundaries during times like this, but does not define her.

Been a while since she has felt herself. A Sunday ago Dave took her ice skating after church and even before then she was not her 100%.

My theory is her body is gearing up for puberty. She is already at 3900 ml + a night of TPN and requiring even MORE fluids on top of that. She is in a distention flare...Venting both tubes...Overnight cath in...some days she can have a few hours of walking and doing about the house, but when I picked her up from Maggie's today--she was in the STIFF LEFT ARM, head to the side, wanting to just vomit. She LOVES to vomit. It is what brings her relief, but that is why she has TUBES. . .

I'm rambling, tired...David has a list of goals which honestly intimidates me a bit...but also exciting.

We all just want our girl to feel better.

But to give you a picture of her--she does not whine nor complain...at all. She just knows what she has to do--to cope--get through...

Pretty beautiful study, really.

TO Jesus.

Friday, August 3, 2012 11:58 AM CDT

Been desperately digging my way to journal for a few days. It is so important for me to not quit writing as these days are just as important.

So here flows a spattering of glimpses and glances of the past few days.

Wednesday was clinic day for Olivia. Four weeks ago she met with Dr. Kocoshis and with three urinary tract infections this year it was decided to meet also with Dr. Jackson.

Dr. Jackson is one of the most compassionate, clear, comforting doctors ever. She has such a unique style in that after introductions made she sits across from Olivia and they "talk" it all out==in--around++through***and with one slight interjection on my part and my mom sharing a bit on her UTI history--Olivia and Dr. Jackson work through a wonderful plan.

No knee jerking. No freaking out. Just excitement over new "to go" catheters, adding an extra step to a morning routine, doing a little scientific studies to test at home and follow up after 6 months of this added step and an ultra sound of kidneys and VCUG study--both of which Olivia is a professional.

The nurse we "had" was such a human being. Note: When I call someone a human being it usually refers to one who is not clinical, but meeting Olivia as the young person she is--talking about Olivia's "stuff" as if it was 2nd nature, normal, just like we do at home. SO VITAL to this time of life for Olivia!

This nurse pulled me aside to tell me how impressed she was of Olivia's articulation of care. What a neat girl she is. Found out that she said similar to Grandma Logi while Olivia and I were out of the room.

As we were exiting this clinic I saw a former student who was there for her little guy. How it broke my heart to not be able to sit and talk with her--what a bitter sweet joy it was to see her--that special bond we mama's have...especially at such a special place of CCHMC.

Off to Dr. Kocoshis and Lois where we have a short visit with Olivia's long time nurse Gerry (always great to see her and Dr. Kaul, nurse Jackie) before heading back to clinic.

Olivia met two new dietitians. After talking with Olivia along with Lois, they told Lois they could not get over how Olivia really manages her care. It was there where Lois said, "Olivia, you really are a poster child for self management"--

I just love LOVE love when OTHERS validate my children. I always try to do that for others, but when someone goes that extra step. . . what a HUGE help and blessing.

Olivia gained weight--which WAS very much needed. So overall the biggest news came from urology in hopes of quieting down the bladder. TPN is probably at a good place of nutritional status. So we are content.

Dr. Kocoshis did mention that he had recently gone to a Pseudo Obstruction conference where he spoke and for some very odd reason a newly diagnosed child's father was asked to speak. Dr. K. said the whole time he kept thinking, "pull yourself together and you NEED to meet Olivia!"

Which brings me to my sermon. . . for the days in which we live.. .. ..

When Olivia was first diagnosed--it WAS the dark ages, but WE NEVER EVER EVER EVER portrayed her TUBES, TPN (although I was DEATHLY A F R A I D of the CENTRAL LINE), ILEOSTOMY as anything but BLESSINGS ATTACHED and GIVEN TO NOT just her, but ALL of us. EVER.

I get so frustrated with parents who regard such devices as a negative in their child's life. Blame and complain about those who may not understand--that really is UNFAIR unless you are WILLINGLY and LOVINGLY to enlighten folks.

There is more to this, but think I better quit before I step on toes...tubes?

David is finished with his scout camps; he is ready to soar, now to find him the right outlets. God is providing the people, thankfully so.

At his NYLT camp he learned about steps, goals and then vision. . . it is such a blessing to hear him talk about it; his ideas, thoughts, concerns. . .

life.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012 7:37 AM CDT

Tuesday, 24th of July!

GRANDMA IS IN THE HOUSE! YIPPEE!!! We are so thankful for God's PROTECTION of JERRY...and mercy...love....we all so needed to see her.

Oh my! Friday will be David's 14th birthday. What a YOUNG MAN he is developing into--becoming...is.

I had the privilege of taking him to NYLT yesterday. NYLT is National Youth Leadership Training camp; something we were not at all prepared for gear wise, but...David assured me he would make do. It was one of those situations where I looked back over David's 14 years and how adaptable he has always...

had...
to...
be.

He is at that stage where my asking just one question is like I am asking him to report to me his full feelings of life. So gingerly I lift the page and eventually he discloses and with care I can either help or leave him to solve.

He did admit to being a bit anxious; when I asked if it were a certain element of this "camp"--he said, "because I am human. . . "

I love that my son can go to that place of knowing--hey, this is normal, yet...

We had a great time all day yesterday--and to say I am proud of him is really an understatement. He is the under-stated.

Olivia was tired of hearing all the little things which alarmed me; I had to remind her of all the years that David has heard about Olivia.

So, we shall see. I asked him to journal a few sentences each day to help in his recitation upon his return.

Please just pray that he will be all right with not the best of stuff, but will dig down deeply where God wants Him.

I told him--looks like it is sink or swim time--he said, "Yes, I know."

I know he does. He has seen those kind of times before, but this time it is his turn.

To JESUS!

Monday, July 9, 2012 9:58 AM CDT

Today is a special day to me.

23 years ago today God took a hold of me. Something I will never forget--something that changed my life--literally, spiritually!

I call it my spiritual birthday. Thankful to be His.

It seems we have been relieved from the tremendous heat waves of the past week or so. Sarah has been with us; we always love having her--never long enough.

Had a nice time--HOT time at Papa's. Sarah and Olivia in the pond...dirt, mud, muggy hot summer fun.

Funny, even though we have had such a heat wave--it still does not seem like summer to me.

I keep trying to tell myself it is.

Where I am right now--seasons do not seem to matter. I really am on a mission to do several things--whether it be summer or winter. It does not change my calling.

I see many pieces to a puzzle coming together--am letting God reveal the parts as they come--whether they be a corner piece or a edge...some are even in the middle with nothing attached yet!

I just know that my Redeemer Lives. I want to give it all to Him.

To Jesus.

Sunday, June 24, 2012 9:45 PM CDT

Pieces of the puzzle were flipped and revealed answers!

Always great to know that I am not just imagining.

Had hoped to be early to church today, but that was blown out of the water when I saw Olivia digging through the supply cabinet for a tube.

It seems that her hunched back and quiet spirit had everything to do with the fact her J-tube's balloon had popped and she knew it was time for a tube change.

This evening we accomplished this task. It was intense but oh so thankful it is over.

There is a fire burning deeply inside of me. Am excited about where God is leading; it is so far fetched--wonderful showing of the Holy Spirit.

To Jesus.

Friday, June 22, 2012 5:51 AM CDT

June is really flying way past.

David comes home from his being on staff at a cub scout day camp. Olivia and I visited him on Wednesday in 90+ good old summer time in Southern Indiana humidity heat; Dave saw him last night. He is a happy camper.

Dave working; David at 3 camps this summer, Olivia and I are keeping the pace moving forward.

Yesterday was one of those days. After having a small group of art students over to begin the basics of coiling natural fibers, Olivia and I headed over to Darla's for some pony fun.

It was a mixture of past and present; child and mother for me. We headed straight to the barn to find Tuffy in the side barn with Lucy--"a mammoth" of a cow , so says Olivia and I whole heartedly agree.

Tuffy reminds me of a cross between my beloved Chocolate and her George. Chocolate was my childhood and even into adulthood pony. George was one you could barely touch. Tuffy was a little of both--but only in the beginning.

Carrots are key. Ponies LOVE carrots.

Within 15 minutes we had slipped a leash around his neck and Olivia was on top and he was following my lead--with no halter NOR bridle/bit. Crazy!

It was a wonderful time; safe time, friend time.

Hopped into the car and headed on up the road to Papa's place.

God has given me some pretty keen senses. Last night and this morning's walks have me in. . . awe.

All my senses in overload.

Honeysuckle, Bob White, Mama Raccoon with 4 babies along side the pond--scamper into the woods where I found them again--climbing a tree to hide from. . . me. Queen Anne's Lace (wow, to have a flower named after you!), the dew, the sun, the sky, the closeness to beauty--to design...to life.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012 2:04 PM CDT

Summer is always an interesting season. Hot. Heat. Humidity. Hydration becomes a huge part of the equation.

We tend to go full throttle then hunker down.

Olivia is busily making hand made air dried clay buttons which she paints and sews onto her hand knitted "bag" designed from her own pattern.

Helps her have down days which she needs--but yet productive.

Star Trek Voyager helps as well.

TO Jesus.

Saturday, June 16, 2012 8:12 AM CDT

Summer is here!

The End of the Year program at Hillside Christian Academy behind us--summer before us! We had a great evening with our Hillside family on Thursday night. David played his violin prior to the program and Olivia played a recorder duet with another student, plus reciting and singing. . .

Yesterday was spent at the Hillside picnic and much more was accomplished on the mural which is being painted. I have always wanted to paint a mural--a LARGE mural--in a school setting watching people...watching the big picture unfold.

God is good. Even in the midst of heart aches, troubling times, He is still on the throne. . . I was reminded of that last night while watching a movie about things to come.

There always is a bigger picture.

To Jesus.

Monday, June 11, 2012 7:22 AM CDT

Life seems to move faster the older one grows. It is all right; it is just a matter of keeping perspective--and trying to not freak out the younger folks. As I told my husband last night--I do NOT feel almost 49. My heart and mind are as active as ever, my body might be a wee bit slower. . . but my mind and heart make up for that.

Summer is officially here, well, not completely as we all have the "End of the Year" program at our beloved Hillside Christian Academy.

As always, even from the beginning--I could look to my parents as source, but then if I look deeper into my family's fruit--I see--I have not fallen too far from my people. . .differently seeing and doing.

Even from the beginning doing things differently seems the theme. I teeter between "unschooling--to--classroom" maybe it is a sign of insanity, or just plain good creative thinking?

I think it has to do with how I was raised...in both instances. My dad, the original unschooled--people love to label--a ride with him and you have learned about the countryside from all aspects--from his observations to the clouds in the sky...yet, he was a classroom teacher. The best.

Wow. Never thought of it like that before. Funny, how the humble and quiet tend to be overlooked...

Love my daddy. He is the best....

To Jesus....

Sunday, June 3, 2012 7:51 AM CDT

Sometimes it is hard to put into words, so I go to my studio and paint, or pick up my flute and play. . . or I sing. . . or I just am quiet.

My home studio has completed another successful session--school year; David is finished with his four classes. . .

But for us there is really no "off" school time. "School" fits into the learning category and since we "do" learning so differently--school is all year round.

Olivia's schooling this past year has been very eclectic in approach. With her having interruptions in schedule due to the crazy March season at CCHMC.

When she has had a rough patch, I realized that I naturally allow her time to DETOX from the different situations. I was becoming more and more concerned about where Olivia may be...with her math skills, reading. . . etc. So I had her tested. She did so well! Listening Skills were by far her greatest skill--:)

Thankful, that she is on target...and we can continue to move forward. . .

Sunday, May 20, 2012 5:31 PM CDT

Clearly a wonderful week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday evenings I had the blessing of being alone with Olivia. We had delightfully deep conversations which clearly brought much closure on the past year.

God is so great! He WORKS miracles out of dust, out of ashes, out of crushed flowers.

Psalm 139

O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.

3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.

5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.

7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.

20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

21 Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?

22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Thursday, May 17, 2012 8:54 AM CDT

WIth David's weekly tutelage completed for the year which comprised of pre-algebra, physical science, Latin and a literature course, his presence in the house is more apparent. Relishing it.

Olivia opted to stay home last evening from TKD. She is a wise soul. We had to reschedule Latin/knitting from Tuesday to Wednesday. Olivia LOVES her time spent at Miss Betsy's, Maggie's and Ellie's--yes, Mr. Zeidler lives there, too, but he is at work.

Latin is first on the docket then I leave to let the girls work on their knitting projects then they go outside into the woods, down the creek, ride bikes, etc. It is a wonderland for Olivia; she adores and looks up to Maggie, who is a girl who LOVES and knows natural things, but still loves to shop at Target. They both have skinned knees and not afraid of spiders. Don't like them, but don't scream when they see one. (Well, Olivia may occasionally)

So, Olivia had no more to give by TKD time, well, she had enough to do our nightly walk in gardens with Chickadee...

This week has been a week of discovery for me as a mother to David and Olivia. Finally, I looked up astrophysics and what that meant. TO my surprise, I was blown away and quite intrigued by David's interest in such a realm. He calls it advanced astronomy--in my mother's heart, pray all the night walks of looking at the stars, going to planetariums had some influence.

Olivia is plant girl. We have spent the early evenings to dark out in the gardens...hers and mine. Chickadee joins us and is a delight. Chickadee is what I would call a young hen. She follows Olivia and comes to her when called and will jump to roast and ride on Olivia's arm! The discovery on Olivia would be that she LOVES plants--wants to know the names of them--planted or wild, birds and trees. WHAT A DELIGHT! She desires and loves the things in this world which will not pass away by the coming of a new song, or new era.

Thankful they have interests in nature.

AND--they BOTH have the gift of teaching--planning...Olivia is planning to start a KEEPERS group at HCA. David at scouts not just "does" things with his boys but has a vision. Great talks on leadership...this week.

Thankful.

TO Jesus.

Thursday, May 10, 2012 8:47 PM CDT

We are in Cincinnati; Olivia received her iron infusion today at same day surgery. Interestingly enough Olivia's nurse was from Maineville, Ohio. Her children will attend Little Miami school district just as my brother and I did. She was a wonderful nurse and took time to speak to Olivia; to ask about Olivia.

She a poster child for TPN.

A baby girl born full term who lived daily as an infant with abdominal distention and chronic vomiting. After every nursing/feeding I would sit her up and my milk would spill out, sometimes shot across the room. She was not a baby to dress because she was constantly wet from her meal.

When she was around 8 months old I remember sitting around a lunch table with friends after church and we offered her a cereal snack. She was more than ready to put food into her mouth, but as soon as she did that her chronic urinary tract infections began. This alarmed the pediatrician into battery of tests. MRI was one. To be honest, I cannot remember all.

Looking for tethered cord, looking for that, this. . . her bladder was large which explained her dry diapers then extremely HEAVY WET diapers.

Then came the constipation. We did many things for her at this point, over the counter medications, MiraLax, enemas--enemas sometimes 6, 7 8 times a day.

Around 20 months her belly was so distended, she appeared to be a baby about to give birth to a baby.

Our then beloved pediatrician immediately sent us across the river to Kosair Hospital where we began our, her--life long hospital dependency.

Again many different tests, the local GI determined to figure her out, but thankfully sent us to Dr. Kaul in Cincinnati.

We were seen by him with short weeks during which time I researched, prayed, concerned over Olivia's future.

Pseudo Obstruction was the only culprit I found and within the first 5 minutes of our first visit with Dr. Kaul he asked me if I had ever heard of it.

Olivia was a few months short of 2 years old.

We took her home strictly on MiraLax to which she drank because she was told to--because it would help her. We were told to do no more enemas, but sometimes we did as it was so scary not to--I had read nothing but deep dark outcomes of Pseudo Obstruction. The deadly TPN, the perforations of bowel...it was a very dark, scary and mostly lonely time.

Although Olivia suffered pain daily with a body that NEEDED "vents" to allow her body to discard she was the happiest and athletic child I knew. She adored her brother and pushed him into doing things he was cautious over. She loved going to the gym, swimming, riding her tricycle. . . she never walked--always ran.

The week prior to Olivia being diagnosed we headed to CCHMC for the manometry testing which is a specialized test preformed in a short list of children's hospitals. Within the first hour of being admitted for testing the fellow came into the room where Olivia was nursing and I up in bed. I will never forget that moment when he taught me what NPO meant.

I could not nurse her again until after the testing.

How does one tell their baby, no? We never lied to Olivia; we always told her upfront even as a 2 year old.

After the testing Dr. Kaul pulled Dave and I into the debriefing room where there was a dry eraser board. On that board he drew out the GI anatomy. All my fears were being drawn before me. G and a separate J tube, ileostmy. We could take time and think about it, but we knew, I knew, she needed help before she would become one of the not so good outcomes.

Olivia spent her 2nd birthday in the hospital where she has come to know really as her safe and 2nd home. Prior to the surgery they showed us a video about having an ileostomy. I wondered if Olivia would ever be able to spend the night with her Papa because of the ileostomy! The ILEOSTOMY has been the LEAST of our concerns over the years--thank you, Lord. In the beginning it took time and patience to understand, but now, I do nothing with it; Olivia changes her pouch; she has never had major skin breakdown.

We blew bubbles in the courtyard; my mom and dad brought David. It was sunny; it was April; it was spring.

Two days later the same GI fellow who told me I could not nurse Olivia during the tests, walked me back to our room on the floor to gather all our belongings and take us to yet another new environment. PICU.

What a scary place. I do not remember anything much about that place other than every wall seemed black and my daughter's body was full over tubes, IV pumps. . .

IV's blown; PICC line placed; TPN started. . . thank the Lord Jesus Olivia never has had elevated liver numbers.

From the get go--Olivia UNDERSTOOD the imperative care which her body needed.

PICC line meant--C A R E F U L--sterile--a pretty deep concept for a fresh little 2 year old.

TUBES--do not pull out, they HELP you.

ILEOSTOMY--well, that was an easy one--no more sitting on the toilet for hours throughout the day.

CATHING--every 3-4 hours. That was an interesting procedure in the beginning with the nurses--coming in--slamming on the lights--no matter what time of day or night..Dave and I learned early on that WE HAD to do it and do it OUR way. . . and as soon as Mommy or Daddy were doing it--it was

easy.

Two months later to no avail--TPN was here to stay and Olivia had her first central line placed at Kosair.

So, really--10 years this girl has GROWN--THRIVED on TPN.

She skis, skates, bikes, swims, does martial arts; she has taken dance even during her high distention days--with her "leakage" getting over her costumes, she continues to grow into a strong young woman.

Total Parental Nutrition=Life

TO Jesus.

Friday, April 20, 2012 8:30 PM CDT

Olivia's BiRtHdAy!

Clearly a beautiful day is April 20th. It could pour down rain but it would still remain beautiful.

Olivia is 12 years old! Can it be?

This morning I marveled at her independence of not just her care, but her whole body. She has her own style that has been encouraged by those around her and it has become unique. . . that is for sure.

Olivia and I speak the same language; I pray she remains this "easy" through these next few years.

CLINIC on Thursday was just celebratory. Dietician, to Nurse to Doctor--we finish up the "why you are really here talk" then it is on to a broad spectrum of topics finishing with us all just smiling and realizing. . . TEN YEARS! TPN has SERVED OLIVIA well; she has been managed by the best for her. . . I am not one who is "into" keeping track of time frames but on the first quick stay in March...I kept hearing--

TEN years! You have been doing this ten years. Look at her; just look at her.

So with a quick 1.2 mi walk, hiking down to the Ohio River to walk along the river's edge, build sand sculptures, blow bubbles, play on a huge swing contraption. . . see her Papa and Daddy, share cake (angel food with cool whip and assorted berries which she decorated in front of us as talked and laughed. I hear when she got home she then went over to Kyleigh's house. . . what a wonderful birthday for my beautiful girl.

I love the story of Olivia.

TO Jesus.

What a blessed woman I am.

Sunday, April 15, 2012 6:14 PM CDT

April is flying past us with as much vigor as March and February.

Olivia, David and I just returned from a Family Retreat Weekend with Center for Courageous Kids. Dave had his HS reunion in STL and a visit already planned so it was just the kids and me.

It is an interesting weekend because it gives Olivia the opportunity to be at a camp--have that camp kind of fun that David experiences with Scouts--WAY different, but still--it is in some ways--similar. Although, David remarked, this is a retreat not camp--due to the fact we sleep in well equipped buildings, fed in a dining hall, have a gym, indoor swimming pool, arts and crafts building with a beauty shop, HORSE BACK RIDING, and bowling, oh yes, boating and fishing too.

Olivia's counselor was good with Olivia. Laid back allowing Olivia to do her thing, and the crazy part was she and Olivia looked very similar. She took time to run out and buy her a card and balloon! How COOL? WE LOVE DANIELLE!

We were able to meet a long time friend Holly and Maya. Maybe it has been 8 years that we have known of one another? There are a lot of "different" kinds of TPN/Tube children so it is in many ways very much like a regional Oley event without all the medical meetings.

I have to say, I know we have reached a place in which Olivia's diagnosis is well planted in our lives, but in many ways not. She is a Long Term TPNer...AKA TPN dependent; intestinal failure, pseudo obstruction. She has TWO tubes, neither are used for feeding her, yes, tubes--not buttons, but the biggest tubes we can use for it is to VENT out the food she eats. A wonderfully sterile CENTRAL LINE to infuse her daily nutrition--TPN--which many cringe--rightfully so, but thankfully--TPN has been nothing but a life giving--skiing, bowling, horseback riding, roller skating, biking, knitting, running, basketball playing, TKD, cello playing life giving nutrition, medicine. . . She has a rather unique way of doing pretty much all her bodily functions, but. . . why sit and talk about that?

:)

As soon as we arrived home; Dave was here--Olivia did not forget that Thursday we are BACK on the road again to our beloved Cincinnati for HCA time and something special happens on Friday--she turns 12. I was texting with Auntie Steph last night; we both were in awe. . . something about history. . . she has seen Olivia grow.

Along with a birthday always comes two days later in which Olivia's first major surgery history occurs; where she received ileostomy, two tubes and began her TPN dependency.

Ten Years! AWWWWWWWWESOME! Four years ago she almost lost her life due to a perforation, NOT TPN. We are SO thankful for the appointed time Olivia was born into this world.

Reminds me of one of my favorite Stevie Wonder songs from The Songs in the Key of Life.

AS

We all know sometimes lifes hates and troubles
Can make you wish you were born in another time and space
But you can bet you life times that and twice its double
That God knew exactly where he wanted you to be placed
so make sure when you say you're in it but not of it
You're not helping to make this earth a place sometimes called Hell
Change your words into truths and then change that truth into love
And maybe our children's grandchildren
And their great-great grandchildren will tell
I'll be loving you

To Jesus........

Thursday, April 5, 2012 5:23 PM CDT

Papa has "new" eyes. . .

What a delight and privilege to take care of his eyes with drops.

Love my Daddy.

My faithful shadow helped along the way; she is tired and ready for some home time.

Thank you, Jesus.

TO Jesus.

Sunday, April 1, 2012 8:42 PM CDT

A WHOLE lot of things happening within our family and extended as well.

As a whole we are doing great. David and Olivia participated in their first TKD tournament and did really well considering both were in constant use of tissues due to allergies. Olivia's face is chapped red from blowing her nose so much, but I was amazed as to how fierce they both are in the midst of adversity.

It will do them good in the next years.

I have been ignited by reading God's WORD more faithfully and truly real as of late, not because of a Bible study, or because I need to prepare for something, or to check it off to say I have done it or because of anything other than just the pure desire--need--want.

So this week will be Papa getting new eyes week. We are excited to have him; David has his Court of Honor, but do not think he is advancing--he is good with it, has his own set of goals, and I hope to start some "testing" on the kids to see where they are.

Looking forward to this coming weekend as Dad will come back and be with us like I told him, a "normal family"--on what people call Easter.

Today was confirmation at church concerning the things which have been placed deep and hard on my heart regarding my walk with God, and my children. Just an all around big day--

April looks promising. I will seek Him.

To Jesus.

P. S. I am blessed.

Monday, March 26, 2012 8:03 AM CDT

Will be happy to say good bye to March.

I am not one to wish time away or asking it to go faster, but. . .

We have had some of the most wonderful days and some really no good, horrible, terrible, difficult ones here lately.

We kept our time this past early weekend in Cincinnati as tickets were bought for Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra concert on Friday. Clinic on Thursday ended up being postponed to April but we took Thursday to head to Hillside to have time there then spend the night at Rosella's.

Staying at Rosella's is one of the greatest blessings of this year. So many childhood memories of that place. Safe and full of Love.

I enjoyed having time with David and Olivia away from the pressures of home, school and well, normal life. I love watching David interact with the children of Hillside.

Friday's concert was beyond wonderful. It had been years since I have walked into MUSIC HALL (the largest music hall in NORTH AMERICA). In all its grand-ness, the pre talk concerning Beethoven's only violin concerto was spot on for the novice and the musician who needed a shot in the arm.

What an amazing blessing! We heard Beethoven's concerto AND BERLIOZ's Symphonie Fantastique which Olivia and I had previewed thanks to Uncle Greg's patronage of the arts and MTT's KEEPING SCORE DVD.

But alas, real life creeps into such dreamy days and the hard cold facts of changes to come for our family are soon to happen. Thankful we have one another and God really the great conductor. He will make sure all the entrances are on time and that we are in tune. Thanks be to GOD.

Last week our beloved Grandpa Jerry was hospitalized so that has us a bit concerned--Mom drives an hour each way to visit and check on him. We are so thankful he is safe and receiving the care he needs for healing, but that is his story so I will not go into details. Please pray for his healing and mom's strength. The miles feel very long at times like these.

Olivia and I had a wonderful visit with STEPH and BOYS! We were able to help Killian pick out his first pet--panda hamster! Baby one at that! Olivia truly loves animals probably more deeply than I did at that age--which to me is exciting because I know God is using this for big things to come.

We were able to make the assembling together as a family yesterday with other believers. Some call it "church"...I guess I do too, but I know what the real meaning is and has been a conflict in my heart for some time. It is not a building, but a gathering of followers of Jesus Christ. It was a theme of which God has been pressing on my heart for several years now--so it was great to have someone say it--preach it--and we all hear it.

At one point an art leader of Louisville community got up and stated they are hoping to show local artists' art in the building. Afterwards, David and Olivia pushed me over to speak with the man. I consider myself an artist, but showing my art is not top priority--mentoring and teaching others--is. As an example of sharing what I knew would be an encouragement to my children I told him I could bring in a pieces. Am thinking of the large non-objective painting which I have labored over and is finally complete. I have not had peace about where it was to go--to whom, but it can rest on the walls there and see what happens.

Yesterday was a very hard day. Olivia accidentally ran over her dear baby chick--Rocky--it was one of the hardest things in a long time concerning her heart, but like a true mama, she over compensated with her Chick o Dee who was left behind, Izza her kitty always faithful to sleep by her side was a great comfort as well.

So life is happening. SO many people I love seem SO very far away these days.

Spring came like summer but is retaliating now into a windy cold breeze which makes me wonder if I should cover those bushes which were about to "speak". . . normally I let nature take its course, but really could use some great flower colors to help ease some of life's pains.

Today is MONDAY! BRAND NEW "week" set before us. . . although all this sounds so melancholy--I truly am excited about what the Lord has in store, what is to come--and where we will go next. . .

To JeSuS!

Sunday, March 18, 2012 9:25 AM CDT

A journal is a time in space.

Right now, it Sunday morning when we would normally be heading to Louisville for church. Where we go as a family as much as possible as a family unit. We have "done" church in many different ways over our family's history. We have stayed home together, we have met in small and large churches, new and old churches, but one element of what we are doing now is that we are there together as family. We drive over to Louisville, sit together, sing together, take communion together, ride home together, eat lunch together and for the most part spend the Sunday with one another. We have feasted on spiritual and physical parts together as family. We need that deeply right now, with a young man, and a little lady--a daddy who works long hours and a mama who does all that she does. It is a very wonderful day.

We know the pastor; we appreciate his heart for the hungry and thirsty of this world. It aligns with what I know is the calling on my heart--and am seeing it within David and Olivia. Dave has always had a tremendous servant heart and the willingness to allow and support what is needed.

God bless my family.

Olivia has a UTI. It blindsided us all--with her having a drainage type sore throat which David tried to reassure Olivia, but when the fever came I wanted to force the strep throat onto her, only to disregard, forget about my chronic UTI girl.

Yes, precious time away from home, major memory building times missed--or those which were planned--but--as always Olivia and I have made the best. We had good laughs last night and again in the middle of the night--the nurses have been wonderful and flowed with who we are. It is fun to share our world with them in the small snippet visits they make to our room. Housekeepers, food deliverers, all of them. . . mini opportunities to be...to be...

to be...

kindness...love...humor...living...

to be alive.

I learned about how the hospital is cleaned yesterday.

Ashley perked up when I asked and commended her on such an important job she does.

My heart is full.

Blessings big.

Olivia is making art out of silk tape and markers I had with me. She now has turned to decorating her empty Dasani water bottle with colored silk tape shapes--just like what we are doing in art--only with Mod Podge, tissue paper, fabric, magazine photos, etc. on glass jars. Love it. Makes our nurse Reed--even stop and look--talk and reflect.

Stop!

Look!

SEE!

If you have never heard Cecilia Bartoli--you have missed an operatic song bird. I have her cranked in my ear buds as I type--to hear her voice keep up with the fastest fingers of the violinists makes me want to run a sprint. . . or run a long marathon. . . or just jump!

I giggle over all of this. What a control freak I have been over my life; I have had to really relinquish much in terms of David lately due to my being here and his being there. Funny. Just as God grew him during such imps as a 4 year old; HE can still grow him now as a 13 year old. Just as i am thankful that Olivia received all her "stuff" early in life--I can honestly say. . . I am glad David has had much practice. We see the fruit, mostly good from it but at times we do see where he holds it quietly.

Seems so deeply dramatically these past journals, not really, just a reflection of the creative need to be uncovering plants, making and finishing paintings, cleaning and going through my house room by room. . .

And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world. John 9

Beautiful.

To Jesus.

Friday, March 16, 2012 10:48 PM CDT

March has been a month of reminders that we live in a fallen world.

Terrible tornado powerful force. Souls dead, houses spread and now to see the leftovers I have yet.

As always it feels like different worlds in which my daughter and I belong.

Last night after having taken time to find a special gown for a dance, banquet with her daddy--I found Olivia's "allergy driven sore throat" move into a temperature.

It was 99 something, 100 something, 101 something. . . all unacceptable. I was exhausted, and with clean sheets on the big bed, I feel asleep at her feet rubbing her. . . don't know why I was so tired.

Dave went out to buy new thermometers to get an accurate number, maybe one we preferred?

I do not promote my child for awards; there is no award I could find in the catalogue of medals. She in humility and apology over and over told me she loved me--how she was sorry she was sick. . . again.

She sensed my tense heart. I explained that I was not angry with anyone, not Daddy, not her, not even God. This whole journey is one of submission. I still lack that ability to submit, to release and let Him go, when it may disrupt plans, those precious plans.

It has been different than before--this one in strange waves. Almost thought not to come to Cincy, as there was no STREP, but when she said she really felt bad. No fever on arrival, but once to the floor, more 101 something. Not extremely high, but why?

She had a big week, well, an Olivia week. She knitted with her beloved Maggie and roamed outside with her friend. . . Wednesday we spent with our Hillside friends where she painted outside. . . she broke boards at her and David's FIRST Break A Thon. . . she does everything so big and full.

She touches though who can slow long enough and talk with a child. I am fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life, in her life who take time to know her. . . as Olivia.

Olivia Blinn.

She sleeps beside me in her hospital bed once again, finger aglow, a screen making her body's rhythmic design, pumps humming and groaning as they fill her veins. . .

"Mama, I love going to Cincinnati with you. I just wish I did not feel so badly."

To Jesus, sweet girl. To Jesus.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012 8:22 AM CST

Hoping for Home today.

We CAN do it, but I know her output numbers are pretty intimidating on paper, and well, my only concern is my lack of sleep due to emptying those crazy "numbers"...but nothing we have not done many times before.

Yesterday was a very flip flop upside down inside out kind of day.

Olivia was feeling so much better, so I opted to take a shower. Afterwards, I peeked out to say, "hi" which I would normally NOT do. Olivia is not needy at all, but felt the urging to do so.

When I opened the door, she was on the bed with her blanket in her mouth--and tears just rolling down her face! WHAT!? Olivia does not cry over much. She cries when she is called down and out--the kind of kid who is soft hearted to the core, but would not be that over the edge from watching something sad on tv, etc. Both of my kids are not "criers"...unlike me.

She proceeded to tell me that a "nurse" had come in (not her floor nurse) and interrogated her concerning her central line.

Okay, first of all, Olivia and her central line are "one"--I do not say that lightly, but it is one things she loves, cares for, respects and to have someone come in and berate her over the fact we do not have a secure device at the bottom, etc. or that the dressing is not good enough, etc. is just, well, ridiculous.

On the drive in--God gave me--"it has almost been TEN years that you have done this. . . look at you...look HOW FAR you have come...see, I KNEW you could do it."

So, with towel on my head I pursued this "nurse" to tell her the reaction Olivia had to her visit. I am full aware of human nature. I am human; I have screwed up so much in my life within deep relationships to even situations like this--where I just sweep it under the rug, but really, IF even thought about doing that I knew I would have a few friends who would come after me! (Love)

Sad to say, I could tell this woman had no business working with children. She is statistic minded, which I appreciate--that is how places like this reach their goals of excellence, but just wanted to remind her--to not forget the individual.

I walk these halls; I am not stupid, I know that it is a horrible thought about some of these children's homes, but we are not one of those families.

Told a few friends to which one responded with--what a missed opportunity to encourage Olivia on doing such a great job with her line, etc. etc. etc. Dave called some patient advocate, etc. which in turn she called me. . .and I just restated that we would love for Olivia to have the opportunity to speak for herself but that can only happen if one is willing to listen.

BUT--Oh my--we have had THE BEST NURSES. . . it has been like that for several visits now. Olivia is not one of the kids with BIG BOOMING personality capturing their hearts, but the quiet kid that will keep it to the business at hand...old soul that she is. SO, we are not the type that has all the nurses oooo and ahhhhing over us...believe it or not--we are private! :)

So, along those lines, Olivia had her visitor in AGES! Mr. Bledsoe, my long time friend and peer brought GET WELL cards from the children at Hillside Christian Academy last night. We discussed St. Patrick, fundraising for the UPCOMING Washington DC TRIP (May 2013!), and even our incident. IT was nice to see Olivia open to having a visitor and how she was comfortable and happy. She IS growing into such a beautiful "little woman". . .

So, it was nice to have the day end with a friend visiting, then watching a NEW MOVIE (meaning we have not seen it 10 times)--WATER HORSE. Highly recommend.

We then watched MTT's San Francisco Symphony DVD on Berlioz and Tchaikovsky. Doubly recommended.

But for now, let us see what is in store. Fluids have been increased--they probably are going to wait and see a bit today before they make a decision about home. I can appreciate that.

TO JESUS!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012 12:19 AM CST

Great news! Olivia has turned the corner!

Last night was rough, with both of us pretty spent, but we had a great nurse who was on it all through the night. She caught the fact that Olivia's pouch was off--:)

That always makes for a special bonding time, but when you are tired it is also an opportunity to exhibit grace, patience and that BOTTOM LINE LOVE.

So doing laundry at 2 AM, sponge bathing your girl, but I personally got 4 hospital hours of sleep--so happy!

One of the team members came in this morning to humbly state that they blew it; she said, she remembered my stating Olivia is not by the number kind of kid. I really don't think many kids with the stuff like Olivia is, but--I love humility and graciously accepted.

So, my new phrase for Olivia is not only is an complicated uncomplicated kiddo, but she is not an equation girl.

You cannot put numbers into an equation and find out what to give her when it comes to hydration, fluid intake. So, 3 CHEERS for ED for listening and having her prepared to be on the floor.

She is caught up now--and waiting the 48 hours which in turn they will stop the BIG guns of antibiotics and we hopefully--will go home Wednesday--Thursday at the latest.

Virus.

Not flu, no line infection--YEAH! I was SO concerned about the line infection thing due to the fact Olivia does a lot of her care and DID NOT want her to feel like she had failed, messed up. . .it could have been ANYONE who has touched her line. Nor did I want fingers to be pointed at her.

:)

Am tired, a shower, then a nap...

To Jesus.

Monday, March 5, 2012 5:32 PM CST

The vomiting yesterday did not subside thus entered fever.

Protocol states 100.4; I knew she was heading for higher heat so tried to take my time to pack and head to Children's a little after 9 PM. As Dave and I carried her to the car, she had TPN hooked up, her G and J bags on her tubes and overnight catheter already in--so it was a two person job for sure, but the snow was falling--its slight "ting" of hitting the ground was a beautiful moment and sound.

Olivia fell asleep on the way and woke up midway to see the snow coming at our windshield like a Star Wars flight scene. I felt like an ambulance driver; I was sure that if I was to be pulled over the officer would grant grace.

ED (emergency department) was a wonderful experience. Olivia continues to grow in a natural way of holding her own, saying what she wants and explaining her equipment. The nurse was very good at asking Olivia to tell her how she was feeling about the MANY tests, procedures, etc. At first the nurse asked if we needed Child Life. I told her you are looking at a young lady who at 2 years old had a PICC line placed withOUT sedation. She had her mama and her daddy singing and validating and claiming God's mercies and love upon her. When I look back to T E N years of this, I can see why Olivia is how she is.

LOVED the ED attending doctor. LOVED her. I could totally see her in my studio having art times. She was that kind of doctor, real and touched us as people.

We did not hit the floor until 5 AM? (I think?) It was a peculiar transition time and I never go to sleep, Olivia did off and on, but boy, is she miserable with just being S I C K.

Fever, nausea (ZOFRAN--yeah!), aches. . . and all that seems to point to flu, yes, which means for Olivia that her gut has officially said, Bye Bye--I'm going to hibernate, take a vacation and see how bloated and miserable you can really get.

BUT. . .we snuggled, slept in and out while Despicable Me was on--want to see it when I am awake and Olivia had a visit from one of our dear holistic friends, Carolyn, who rubbed feet while I took a walk.

A big God surprise was while I was walking back to the room I ran into one of the parents at HILLSIDE CHRISTIAN ACADEMY! I got to see Sofia and have a wonderful chat, conversation, talk with her mother. It was a much needed visit, surprise and she prayed for us which in her prayer she asked all those typical things, but one thing which is always on my heart during these times--to have special mom and daughter time.

When I came back Olivia was anxious about my having been gone what seemed to her a long time.

Soon all melted away as I washed her feet. Massaged her legs, feet and hand and painted toes and fingernails.

Asking for a X-ray on chest to make sure nothing is brewing, festering inside those beautiful lungs which love to sing. . .

TO Jesus.

Sunday, March 4, 2012 5:53 PM CST

March 4th.

The day my grandmother died. I remember my mom saying that it is a command. We must march forth. Yes.

You have to keep pressing on forward.

Dave and David took some items from folks over to Marysville, IN today; it was not planned but thankful they were able. Have not heard much from them today, but know they have been helping clean up. We will as much as we are able--in HIS timing. I really want to be mindful of that.

Olivia has been on the sofa all afternoon miserable from eating. A normal person would be sounding all alarms and bells, but she has venting using her syringe out of both "G and J" with little success so having to resort in vomiting for the relief she desires.

She assures me she WILL skate tomorrow. Exercise for someone like Olivia is so vital, especially when she has the ENERGY to do it. We have to take pockets and run.

In many ways, marching forth may look like one is marking time, for Olivia, it looked like that today.

To Jesus.

Saturday, March 3, 2012 4:24 PM CST

It has been far too long, but in all honesty (my dad's common phrase) we have been very busy about the business of good business and my healing last week from a minor cold, flu kind of thing.

I saw a former church family friend yesterday, yes, it was yesterday--seems like a week ago for yesterday was a big long day.

She asked how we were; we are great, but emotionally working through some heavy burdens which have gathered over the years--have we not all?

Thursday we were late to an eye appointment for reasons I will not go into, but because of it--my cage was rattled and my heart disturbed. A calming loving call with my mom, texts from my dad and a plan formulated the day finished. I was emotionally empty only to find ourselves in a huge day of weather.

The plan was to have three art classes yesterday, but only the morning came to fruition for by the time the 2nd was to take place Dave's texts had me concerned that maybe this was going to be bigger than what we all know as a big storm. My dad even warned me that morning that there was makings of a 1974 repeat. Something which I will never forget. There across our horizon we saw the tornado slide across that line.

The first two cells of storms which gave their violent destruction only threatened us--just 15 miles south, but the third pounded with hail where we hid in the basement.

It was there in the midst of these storms watching the alerts, the reports even the magnificent photos of a tornado grand in scale that I realized that I like my young man of a son have a mechanism of emotional protection.

It is not a hardness, but an acceptance.

During the phone call with my mother on Thursday, my mother reminded me of September 2008. There only a small few who can talk to the specifics of that dark place in my heart. It is a place that can drop me back to my knees.

She remarked how during the week prior to Olivia's surgery and her literally crying out in a pain which had us all so confused and scared--she spoke to David on the phone. David a fresh 9 year old boy. He spoke to her as if nothing abnormal was happening in this yet, another hospital room. She herself could barely stand to hear the cries and yet, David...could and still maintain--on the outside?

So there, I sat, a blubbering idiot of a mother all day on Thursday, only to have a huge slap of perspective into our laps, faces, family, home. . .

There are huge disasters like March 2, 2012 which hit a community. There are huge diseases which manifest and like that tornado come sweeping through. . .

My prayers go to the families of Henryville, Marysville, our sweet neighbors of Southern Indiana.

My prayers go to my friends who battle every day wondering if they can eat, whether they have enough energy to take a sponge bath or sit up in bed. Whether they will see their children be an adult or their children ever be an adult.

I have to go back to my mantra. It is nothing fancy, nothing spoken in Greek or Latin...but just bottom line Love. May it remain...

To Jesus.

Thursday, February 23, 2012 11:27 AM CST

Such days are so beautiful.

Saw a glimpse of a little girl excited to have her brother working with her on memory verses for TKD. Last night Dave and I explained to David how important he is to Olivia. She has the "little sister syndrome" to which I can speak, but mainly it all boils down to her desire to have her brother's affections again.

This growing into an adult is hard stuff.

Dave and I began our quest with TKD last night. Loved it. Feel it today for which I am thankful.

Last weekend Olivia and I drove to Memphis to spend time with our friends. Sometimes I just cannot put into words all that takes place with such people. Beautiful people. Gracious, generous, loving, real.

We are excited to run up to Papa's--have dinner with him at his Gold Star where all his friends are then get up early and hit HCA before we all head over to NEWPORT AQUARIUM! Olivia's drive to do this amazes me, ignites me and inspires me.

Looking forward.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012 12:51 AM CST

I can do all things through Christ Jesus which really does strengthens me--makes me strong. He is my all source.

There was a time when driving to Cincinnati was laborious, instinctually difficult.

There is a lot to this thing called attitude. I have to say having been to California several times, realizing that to get to one place to the next is a journey; don't miss out, I know I do not want to, nor do I want my children, so plan and pack some great CDs, expect great growth talk and sit back and enjoy the ride.

Olivia and I have been traveling back and forth over the last 1/2 year or so to teach and learn at a new space.

(Sometimes David goes with us, but with his heavy load at Cornerstone, he stayed back caring for the dogs, doing school and chores, or sometimes we drop him at Papa's on the way so he and Papa have time, but he still can get his work.)

My idea originally was for David to go with me and Olivia stay back with Papa, but as it turns out Olivia LOVES to go and this has been a VERY SAFE place for her to experience a lot of social and educational options in her growing.

The school has 5 students; it is like a family, homeschool feel--at least when we get there. I feel like Maria most days as they run out to greet us, Olivia helps the younger girl and helps with music, she has her very own math and French teacher, while "do" art, we play outside games, it is laid back, uncomplicated and real. B l e s s i n g. It is always nice to be in an unconditional working creative space.

Having said all that, Olivia has been the catalyst of several very momentous events which are now on the calendar. She is by far her mother's daughter, her Great Aunt's Niece--(referring to Auntie Midgie).

It IS in the blood.

So, May 13-16 we have the ball rolling for an amazing once in a lifetime educational extravaganza of a Washington D. C. field trip. She is selling candy, chocolate, her knittings, locally made Goat Milk Soap--to which I am SERIOUSLY considering becoming a distributor--and if you know me, I have NEVER wanted to SELL anything in my life...I feel that strongly about it--and love and use it that much.

More information to follow on this trip.

We have visited the Union Terminal. Next week we will visit the Newport Aquarium, then Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra, Art Museum, Creation Museum, etc. all places we have been but has BEEN a long time and is time for a refresher. D and O have NOT been to CSO and I cannot wait to be there again, Music Hall is one of my favorite places on this earth.

To me teaching is sharing those things you love.

Also, in June, there is a NBCS reunion in the works. NBCS is the school I taught for 6 years in my early walk with Jesus. The students there were and still are very much a part of my heart and so looking forward to seeing them, sharing what is going on with Hillside Christian Academy (as many of them now have children!), have a silent auction (in support for DC trip) with also folks bringing in their creative work to sell for their own--music, and of course, Mr. Bledsoe will speak as he was always asked to speak at all the banquets--why stop now?

But beyond that--I want this to be a time where we come together--in love and encouragement--to evaluate where we are in life--where we need to go, or not, etc. To love on each and every one.

To Jesus.

Last Saturday we had our own very own family event. Valentine's Day Party. Olivia pretty much helped run the party at Hillside's Valentine Party. . . and we realized, hey, we need to have our OWN DeKold4 Valentine's Day Party..great time.

We played euchre! Dave and Olivia were good, but NOT good enough--:) David and I teamed up to beat them. The highlight was watching Dave and Olivia dancing. Wonderful memories.

David is really growing into a fine young man. Somehow the word teenager got into our house and really did damage, but we have switched gears to young adult and with that he has risen to the name. He is really excited with his role in Scouts and I am really impressed with his level of not just leadership, but teaching. His heart is to work with the younger scouts and helping them reach their goals. Again, it is in his blood. He will make an incredible dad--because he is a built in teacher.

Olivia is my dreamer. Horses, ponies, knitting, drumming up ideas which keeps us all on our toes, but alas, we have had our long lost Henry spend a few nights--our stray who was missing in action after our trip to California has come home. Well, not really, after Olivia's note to all the neighbors regarding Henry--she receives a call from Mrs. Martin whenever she sees or has Henry. Olivia treks over and gathers him and he stays with us until he is ready to escape to the cold again.

She has saturated our neighborhood with soap and chocolate. Who could resist?

Not me.

To Jesus.

Saturday, February 11, 2012 9:34 PM CST

O L I V I A BLINN D E K O L D. . .

I mess up.

She knows it.

We all do.

I am not perfect.

God KNOWS it.

So glad for unconditional LOVE from GOD and REAL FRIENDS. . .

A new WORLD...A NEW LIFE.

Revisiting people who can see. . .what a blessing.

Protection.

Not afraid.

no.

not afraid.

David and Olivia tonight heard our imperfect story. How immature they are. . . in a very--still infected way. . .how can it be.

Olivia wants to know how to play the guitar. My children are the firsts I have ever been heard my being so un--wraffeled...when I sing, praise, let it out to my Jesus. . .

Love to show them........

Henry is here. Our prisoner...don't know if we could ever let him out our door, knowing that he could never come knocking--meowing--out our door,....which is always....

o p en.

to Jesus.........

Wednesday, February 8, 2012 10:23 PM CST

Whoa HORSES!

I look at the opening photo and see where David has even grown since that was taken. December 25, seems like light years away now. How does that happen?

Looking forward, moving forward, pressing on makes that happen.

Today was ground breaking.

My boy is really a young man.

Olivis is my kitten.

Dave saves the day.

I am just relishing in all the wonders of being a wife, mother, teacher. . . all my favorite things.

To Jesus.

Thursday, February 2, 2012 7:27 AM CST

Skiing took its toll.

She had a great time with friends, skiing, being equal on the two long slides, but it had her down all week thus far.

Tuesday was a bed day.

Wednesday we went to co-op for a bit but she was hurting, but when we got home she was able to find the position to help ease the pressure. She made it to TKD, but said when she had to hold still she was a bit dizzy and weak.

SO, more fluids today, cello lesson and maybe math?

One the way to TKD, we were alone and she told me that she wondered if the pain was "September"...I told her she has GOT to tell me when it feels like September.

I would rather go to the hospital for NO reason than too late.

She is so strong, but yet shared her fears.

God grant her peace.

TO Jesus.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012 9:15 AM CST

FEBRUARY!

So glad to see you again. February 7th is a very special day, this year it will seem even more special than the original February 7th. God has renewed and made Dave and I fall more in love than ever.

It helps when one removes the skeptics from their heads, hearts, surroundings.

Olivia was pretty much in bed all day yesterday. She will have as many days as she needs, but has TKD tonight, but first co-op today.

I wondered why am I so tired? We had such a WONDERFULLY FILLED weekend with F R I E N D S and skiing all day Monday (although I DID NOT participate) and yesterday I caught up on the day to day house...It just all catches up on you.

I did sneak away last night to see a movie with a friend who needed time out as well. We had the entire theater alone which was fun because there was a lot of music in the movie and I like to sing. :)

Looking forward to these next few days, weeks, months and even year! There is so much to be excited about, thankful for and ready to...do!

Live life fully. See the possibilities; He is right there.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012 9:05 AM CST

Another FULL day of skiing yesterday. It was decent skiing considering it was all "fake" snow and fairly warm. David took a lesson with two friends for the snowboard; Olivia and Jeffrey skied not taking any time out for lessons.

Saw a few injuries; one looked serious.

Olivia came in after a fall said she was "disorientated and shaky" towards the end of the day. After sitting down and just laying back--I had EVERYthing BUT FLUIDS with me--how does THAT happen? Dave drove up to us with the TPN where we pulled over and hooked her up to TPN. She was "okay" prior to hook up, just know I did not want to wait until we got home. I may have to learn some things several times in life, but from now on, we will take not only fluids but TPN with us after such a day.

This morning was the first time I ever shopped in the MENS section for my BOY.

I celebrated (mourned?) with 2 LARGE ICED GREEN UNSWEETENED teas. . . told all the workers and had a lovely morning meanwhile David was finishing up his Latin homework. He had NO clothes to wear this morning. All had reached the too small limit. :)

Got to love boys in their teen years. They are so high maintenance in a fun way (most times) with all the changes, growing. . . thankful.

To Jesus.

Saturday, January 28, 2012 7:09 PM CST

Thank you, Jesus.

Stephanie told me about Icing Smiles, Inc. a non-profit group that finds local bakers to make a one time cake for medically fragile kiddos AND their siblings. Olivia had her's last April and we skipped David's actual birthday due to scouting conflicts but had it today--on his 13.5 + one day. It was not a "birthday" party but a "cake party".

The cake was NOT ONLY COMPLETELY ADORABLE, but it was. . . probably one of the best cakes I have ever eaten. CHOCOLATE CHIP.

Will have to post pictures.

There was an array of folks girls, boys, all ages and stages. Just plain nice, fun, relaxed.

Musicians, chess, little art, eating, CAKE. . . air soft, etc. ALL the essential elements.

For me it was a huge blessing to see MY KEESHA. My friend who for too long was away--but now--through the Grace of GOD . . .

I just have a hard time thinking about Keesha without crying.

Love You Jesus. Thank you for never giving up on me and sending me deep people who can see me like YOU do.

To JESUS.

Saturday, January 21, 2012 2:24 PM CST

Cold Saturday.

Working, cleaning, pitching kind of Saturday.

Waiting to head down the hill for a boy scout banquet kind of Saturday.

A question from a friend prompted my going back into my memory bank concerning PICC lines today. It is always such a bitter sweet place to visit. I can clearly remember Olivia's 2nd year due to the fact she was diagnosed days before and received her G and separate J tubes along with her ileostomy. She had an incision which seemed the length of her tiny body where Dr. Alonzo removed her colon. What a tigress she remained, not wanting to let it keep her down, but at the same time so cautious and careful, knowing full well the incredible circumstances if we did not care properly for her PICC line which came out of her arm.

We would give her baths in the pink tubs we brought home from the hospital out under the big oak tree.

David was sit along side just 3 years old; we made it our new norm. His being the one who locked down his wonders and thoughts; the brother observer of wild proportions--a sister with tubes! Dave and I were so deep into trying to keep our heads above water, sometimes tears, many times fears and helping people to understand--making safe places.

Olivia is out with Papa. They went to lunch then to a movie. She and her Papa have a special friendship, just as David and Papa do. I know there are things my dad would love to do with Olivia but just not feasible at this point in life, but he and Olivia still have carved out their own normal.

Had high expectations to cut my boy's hair, hem his new scout pants, for what reason? It will happen when HE himself can hem and the hair cut will not be rushed, but enjoyed.

in His time.

To Jesus.

Thursday, January 19, 2012 6:21 PM CST

David.

David has always been a scout, cub or boy, either way he has done most of it on his own. Just how he is.

Right now, Olivia and he go back to our bedroom and work on his personal fitness. It is always about the time of night I am ready to ask him where he is, is he doing his homework, is he...

He and Olivia work through their TKD.

Lots of things going on in David's world. He is getting himself up in the morning, managing his school week, practicing violin on his own, walking Charlie every morning without being told, just good stuff.

Good people in his life, good things happening.

He and Dave had a sit up contest. Dave beat him by one.

I do believe we have a new evening sport.

Thank FULL of thanks.

God is great.

To JeSuS!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012 7:48 PM CST

I never grow old of looking at the photos from our trip.

It makes me family homesick, but then God gives me plans, neat diversions to help with passing of time away from loved ones and friends far away.

Today was our first day back at our Foundations class. Although one family was away, it was just the Vessels family and mine. The Vessels family could make up a couple of families so walking into their house immediately you have a school of children. We sat down to play SKIPBO which was so much fun to watch all the different ages and sizes and colors and languages . . . just fills my people well.

Been thinking a lot about wells and the filling of them.

But alas my family is home--time to debrief on their time at TKD and wind this day to an end.

To Jesus.

Sunday, January 15, 2012 2:59 PM CST

What makes up an exceptional day?

Yesterday would be one--one being far away from family, but made to feel closer makes for extraordinary days.

David had a scout camp out Friday in the crisp cold winter night and spent the day Saturday doing boy scout things in the winter's cold. It made for a perfect day to investigate his room.

Meanwhile, Olivia prior to our starting our work day, asked if I would type something for her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If you have seen a carmel and white cat; his name is Henry. He is the sweetest cat I have ever known. If you have seen him would you please call me to let me know he is okay or if you have any news on his whereabouts.

We have been gone for two weeks and I have not seen him since our return. I hope he is okay.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

With my permission and invitation she added her cell phone number. She passed this note to the Lee Drive neighbors in hopes of hearing about Henry.

While out she met up with Kyleigh's grandmother who told her that Kyleigh was at her house to which Olivia came home and called. She had a delightful day with her neighborhood friend, Kyleigh. They revisited the neighbors' and actually spoke to Mrs. Martin and got first hand news about Henry. The girls also played on the hill, sledding, if you call sledding on a hill with minimal snow, sledding.

It was a wonderful day of my fluttering about my home, cleaning, cleaning and combing areas back into shape.

The girls stopped in for water and a short chat giving catch up reports, the newest information on Henry.

At one point I was interrupted by a FACETIME--my FIRST on my new iPhone. It was with my P R E C I O U S Carolyn. She wanted to show me a new game she had; we showed each other our animals, she got to meet Kyleigh and I to see her sweet face and Greg's too! Made my day...Dave working at the computer, I saw he had a sweet smile on his face that one has when hearing a loved one's voice.

Thankful.

David came home surprisingly warm and full; I had his favorite ice cream and made brownies for him. He was happy to be home; we all were. Charlie, Velvet, Izza and Sugarbelle, all happy to have their human beings home, cozy and love.

So, Henry is still missing. It is something that really bothers Olivia on a real bottom line love level for her. She is an animal lover. The verdict is that Henry seemed desperate while we were gone to get into houses for some love. Hoping if we call for him he will hear we are home, but we have turned it over to God and are going to, yes, pray for Henry.

It is interesting and clearer how my children are bent. Thankful that God is giving me discernment and a watchful eye and listening ear and letting go of MY personal expectations.

Olivia: LOVE of languages, animals, yarn and creative acts of expression.
David: LOVE of science, people, guns and music.

Another interesting lead is around our corner is where our VET lives. He and his wife own their business, but we rarely see her as she is the county's coroner. Behind their office in a semi residential area is a pen with couple of ponies, horse and a rooster. When we picked up Papa's Midnight, we had a chance to talk a bit more. I am praying for an avenue where Olivia can brush and love on the ponies for them as their children have lost interest. Cannot imagine. I know at some point I stop riding mine, but only because I felt too big for the little Shetlands.

Just trusting and turning much over to HIM.

Uncle Greg is flying to Israel today, prayers. Papa picked up from Miss Donna's Big Jack and Mommy, his two kitties today; we were able to see them all briefly after church.

Great service today. Right in line with where the DeKolds are heading.

God is great, is He not?

TO Jesus.

Friday, January 13, 2012 3:31 PM CST

Thursday we marched back into violin and cello lessons; it was comforting to be back in that routine and always rejuvenating for me to have time spent with each child with their teacher. It is just plain good fun and well worth the money spent.

There is a possibility of a recital later this month which is always a great catalyst for getting back on that practice horse which may have been put out to pasture during time away from home.

Yesterday was mysterious with the snow falling, temperatures dropping and wind whirling. Darla and I made it to Papa's around 8:30 had a good time talking, cleaning and making ready his home--was not on the docket but seemed the best thing to do to redeem the time.

With the train being remarkably later than anticipated I drove Darla back home so she would be home before her husband left for work and then I drove straight to Cincinnati.

I really do believe God has given me the gift of driving, the love of it and it does not bother me to drive all the night as long as I know I have water and can sleep eventually.

So Papa was picked up around 7:30 AM and I was home by 10:30 AM with maybe two hours of sleep in the night; I came home and crashed.

Made myself commit to taking a friend a dinner who had foot surgery last December so I _would_ be semi productive before taking David down to his camp out with Scouts.

Looking FORWARD to being home again with Olivia. We have a "date" for movies again tonight as we were given a DVD with several Dove Award movies which are perfect for such a night as this.

TO JESUS!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012 2:59 PM CST

All day I have had this page ready to absorb thoughts, but alas, it has been a day of Pacific Time Zone crashing into Eastern Time Zone, not sure which has won, but book school was reinstated, correspondence regarding plans of all sorts sent, tea sipped and Olivia changed out her Gtube, by herself.

It has been about a month since Dr. Alonzo replaced both her G and separate J tube for her during her central line placement. Stephanie warned Olivia that it is easier if you do not wait so long in between changes. G went smoothly but J would not budge as the skin has already grown around it. She is a bit distressed over this news, but she will wait until the next bath time to try.

All our animals are home with us now, too. Funny how two cats, two dogs, one bird and a mouse take so much of our love and concern. David walked Charlie today without being told; Izza insists on being close to Olivia at all cost and Sugar is Sugar. Velvet is happy I have been doing written work as she can be snapped next to my leg for warmth and comfort.

Tonight is TKD. Pray it goes well for both. Last time before the holidays did not go well, nothing I feel needs to be broadcasted, but praying it goes well.

It is very foggy today--all day--looking out we see white with the silhouette of trees and bushes which are close by making for a nice picture.

Thankful.

To JEsUs!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012 6:43 PM CST

Home again.

So many wonderful memories, life altering moments for us all that it almost hurts my heart to even remember. One of my favorite days was a bittersweet one, the last day, a day also, that Grandma Lodgie and Olivia stayed back because neither felt "well enough" and being cave dwellers we all would had been happy cozying up and finishing the rest of Anne of Green Gables, but alas, Aunt Kim to our rescue admonished us and pushed us out the door to see what we could see as the waves were spectacular that day and being so close to where THE MAVERICKS put on their display of surfing, well, we just had to see.

Velvet took the hike down the hill and walked along the beach and around the jutting edge of land to where we saw more beach, then finally again we rounded to see a flat, big bold rocks with crashing waves and people spread upon this flat which really was hundreds of mini tidal pools, all for the watching.

David and I in true Hoosier fashion took off our shoes as to not get them wet and knowing full well what a walk we had already had would feel like with soggy shoes. It was like fancy creek walking.

We saw sea anemone by the numbers to high to remember and count, one baby octopus and eel that two frequent marine types shared with those who were curious. Sea stars and sun stars, crashing waves, barnacle type shells, hermit crab type creatures; it was probably my favorite day in nature by far that I have ever had in California by far.

David, Carolyn and I watched the fisherman spear fish and lay them upon the sea's edge, the big kind of rocks full of Dr. Seuss kind of green living plants and at times you got the feeling one had better not over stay their welcome or they would be a part of a big splash and gone with the tide. It was stellar.

I hated that Olivia was not there and had to lock the heart many a times and enjoyed watching my boy trek across the soft grassy rocks to spiky parts to endure to the edge of triumph.

So we are home with plenty of dreams and experiences to last another full year.

So much more about coming home but am really dry eyed tired; want to curl up with Olivia and watch a movie that was given to us. She is not feeling well; congestion and colds lead to pseudo obstruction. Have not seen her eat in a while.

To Jesus.

Monday, January 2, 2012 3:53 PM CST

Days float by, swiftly yet sweetly.

Friday we went back into The City and rode cable cars in the dark in the misty night; it was just plain magical.

Saturday we headed back into San Francisco and enjoyed the Exploratorium which reminds me of several science/children's museums we have been to all wrapped under one roof. Good--good stuff. We also enjoyed the Tactile Dome which is a dome in the dark where you crawl, walk, feel your way through the path. The kids, Greg, Kim, Dave and I all did it; towards the end the kids were timing how long it took them.

When we came out we found "Stripey" the Clausen suburban with zebra stripes had been broken into which was a bit problematic since it was New Years Eve evening, but really, it did not keep us down. It was yet another means to make memories.

I love my family.

Sunday we rode to Tahoe in Chiapa which is a BIgfoot camper, stopping at our beloved California fast food burger joint--In-and-Out Burger arriving to the Tahoe home at dark.

Today we are having a down day, recouping, nice breakfast out and a drive around the area, now home to find Papa playing Monopoly with his three grandchildren.

Love my family.

What a huge blessing this visit has been. So different from last years, snow FEAST, so many different scenes, textures, experiences which I know have made inspirational life eye opening moments for both David and Olivia.

To JESUS.

Friday, December 30, 2011 1:18 PM CST

Thursday's Day

Yesterday was Olivia's dream come true, my nightmare at times, but after I let go and enjoyed the ride it was all right.

Dave, Greg, David, Carolyn, Olivia and I were at Seahorse Ranch ready for the early bird two hour horseback beach ride.

I was a little anxious about whether or not Olivia would need to empty her pouch, etc. but once I was atop of Brandie, my horse for the ride, I immediately forgot all my fears of others, and had my own!

Dave's first time riding was with MOE--a horse who was a hard ride and wanted to be in the lead the entire time. Greg and I followed close by for the first half along the paths leading to the beach. The children were in the way back all more then well, all was wonderful!

It reminded me of my Aunt Vangie's story of bears and her two boys. If I remember correctly, Vangie and Woody and Jimmy (as he was called in those days) were hiking most likely in Yellowstone as that is where they lived. The encountered bears and she quickly strove to climb the tree before her children. It was a funny story then and my skiing and now horseback riding remind me of such a motherly instinct.

The ride was smooth and easy as we approached the beach. We did go through a section of mud then a sweet creek then back up to the top bluff.

It was here where I had that moment. Flashing back to last year at this time, having endured my first ever group skiing lesson and it was time to ski down Broadway--the easiest of easy, but to me it was Mount Everest. I encouraged EVERYONE in my ski lesson group to go ahead of me, just as I did yesterday. Watching all the horses clump and grow in energy to "get" to the beach--I saw one stumble in front of me and I had that moment where I had to close my eyes and let Brandie do what she knew better than I.

Once to the beach we were well behind everyone as the HORSES loved the beach--the wanted to gallop which was not allowed and I had to hold her back. Brandie was quick to respond and LOVED being in front.

Finally, we caught up and I had the delight to watch Olivia ride. Her Buck actually broke into a gallop and a quick kick as Uncle Greg's Jupiter had a nip; they loved the beach and am sure it was the prospect of turning back home and to their rest was part of the excitement. She received a compliment by one of our guides as what a great ride she was. That of course made her day.

I realized how trusting children are. Carolyn and Olivia just with the FAITH of child rode as if there was no danger. I prayed and thanked God for ANOTHER great experience for us all to tuck away--as a friend says--for those days when things are tough.

Was so great to experience it as a FAMILY. Dave, David, Olivia and I, but also with Greg and Carolyn. So proud of my family and the love we share in such a deep down deep kind of way.

We spent the rest of the day watching two great movies: Gentleman's Agreement and The Big Country.

Played some KEMPS as well, where CAROLYN and I won a few hands! BIG STUFF!

Today we will head to San Francisco and see what we can see--main attraction, cable car rides. . .

TO Jesus.

David rode Truck
Olivia rode Buck
Carolyn rode Frank
Greg rode Jupiter
Dave rode Moe
Sheila rode Brandie

Wednesday, December 28, 2011 1:36 PM CST

Yesterday, December 27th.

Driving into San Francisco was a treat to see a city, big, old, bustling, colorful, rich, poor, all of it--something to relish.

The whole day was a delight full of brand new experiences for all of us.

In true Uncle Greg and Aunt Kim fashion we viewed The Nutcracker in a BOX; the whole experience was one of romanticism, dreams and blessings.

I have seen the Nutcracker in Helena, Montana, Cincinnati, Ohio and Louisville, Kentucky and for sure San Francisco's was above all. I would love to see Cincinnati's next year, maybe a field trip?

We had some time to kill between the Nutcracker and dinner reservations so we all piled back into "Stripey" and drove throughout San Francisco and went down Lombard Street.

Just so many memories, fun.

We arrived at Jardiniere

http://www.jardiniere.com/

and we all sat at a table for nine.

David was at first horrified by the prices and menu selections. Greg insisted that Dave, Mom, Kim and I do the chef tasting--a SEVEN course meal.

We started with caviar which David tried and loved; he and Papa had three dishes which had NEW foods and they both loved.

It was an experience of a lifetime, delightful service.

Olivia was exhausted but NOT sick to her stomach by the smells, THANK YOU LORD, but made several trips to the restroom to vent--part of her experience for sure. Each time she came back to her napkin being folded on the table.

We just had plain ole NON stuffy time with our servers and I know they enjoyed us as well.

It was a WOW day.

Today we are hoping to take the kiddos horse back riding on the beach. Olivia does not know; she will be beyond happy.

To Jesus.

Monday, December 26, 2011 1:53 PM CST

"Our tree is empty, you are the Christmas gift."

When I texted my brother yesterday while we were laying over in Phoenix if everyone had opened their Christmas gifts.

That is what our visits here are, just pure one hundred percent gift of love.

No thing can replace.

A major Sheila is a dingy girl moment. All this time I was thinking Greg and Kim's new home on the coast was NORTH of San Francisco, wondering WHY as we were driving from the airport to El Granada the Great Pacific Ocean was on my RIGHT.

Their coastal home is in a country felt surfer's haven village called El Granada, between Half Moon and Moss Beach. Standing on their front deck the ocean is very close, can hear the fog horn every ten seconds and being nestled on the hill surrounded by the countless textures of vegetation, birds and houses each so different...is an artist's delight.

Family time, down time today--catching our breath from a huge trek yesterday needed and relishing.

Tomorrow is THE CITY, NUTCRACKER. . .

We found a horse riding opportunity we hope for on Thursday on the beach.

No SNOW in Tahoe, but who needs snow when you have the Pacific, wait, no..

family.

To Jesus.

Saturday, December 24, 2011 7:55 AM CST

Tomorrow at this time we will be flying over AMERICA!

TOMORROW evening I will have snuggled and hugged THE MOST PRECIOUS NIECE in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

My Love is overflowing these days.

It has been a tremendous FALL and this winter has been God's confirmation of LOVE towards us.

A childhood friend's sister contacted me on FB, yes, GREAT things are happening DUE to FB in OUR HOUSE these days. God's GENEROSITY flows through HIS people. I am mostly excited about this new SISTER in JESUS whose testimony is over the top while having to live on the edge.

Thank you JESUS!

I am so thankful for the opportunity to be with family these next two weeks. It is so HARD being SO far away for so long.

Today will be bittersweet; we will take Charlie to stay at Darla's. We have waited to the last possible moment. Charlie is very much a part of our family.

Sugar and Papa's Midnight are at our vet, Izza will stay home here with Mr. Wings and Bonnie Blinn, the mouse. One of my dear former students is caring for our home while we are away. B L E S S I N G! I love her and her whole family--faithful friends.

I cannot wait to have Mr. DeKold walking beside me in San Francisco; he will see the Nutcracker for the FIRST time--and to see it performed by San Francisco's people will be a pretty good first time I should say.

Will be an amazing sight to hear and see the great Pacific Ocean, something that always makes me stop and realize truly how small I am, but yet, He loves me, died for me, did all this for me.

from K. Mueller's Jamie's Song

and even if he had ninety nine
stayed at home and stayed in line
he would not be satisfied
He would still go out to find
the one who's always on His mind
and bring her back, arms opened wide

He sheds a tear, oh oh
amazing grace how sweet the sound
amazing love
oh she's been found

Yes--now to MOVE on to a bigger and better year, closer walk with HIM, learning, teaching, loving!

ALL TO JESUS

Thursday, December 22, 2011 9:38 AM CST

Had to journal before I restarted this day outside our box.

Tuesday while sitting around our small table with our friend, MIss Betsy, Maggie and Little Ellie, I realized that this was who I am, what I love most, people.

People can hurt you but we need them. I can hurt them too, but I still need them.

December is not a time for us to run amuck. Everyone asking are you "ready" for Christmas and the lists of items they feel they much fill in order for "Christmas" to be a success. r.

I like to keep December set apart of singing and helping. Sometimes we bake and sometimes we send cards. This year neither, but we have sung! Our time at Hillside (school and church) was full of that which I am so grateful. Yesterday we had a wonderful visit to The Bennett House. I get so pumped being around all the beautiful people/residents and friends who come out to sing with us. Glorious time.

Whispering prayers of both children to NOT get sick, praying for traveling mercies, and clear mind to do what we need to before heading to California.

Olivia was in a major flare but has come out the other side well and happy. Still neither have had a sign of a cold. Dave has had to do work outside with UPS and he is holding up great too!

We took down our Christmas tree as it was D R Y! Opened gifts and now clearing the house for our time away and a FRESH start in January as that first week back will be a HUMDINGER! :)

Love it.

Love to be working for the King of Kings; Lord of LORDS. . .

To Jesus

Tuesday, December 20, 2011 3:29 PM CST

Heard someone in the middle of the night getting sick.

I never considered it could have been Olivia with a 8 lb bag of TPN, pump and overnight foley to carry to the bathroom. She is the most graceful vomiter. Dave, Olivia, Velvet and I had an early morning venting party. Some of the sweetest times with Olivia have been spent in the dark of night venting a tube, or holding hair out of the way.

Velvet was a true companion last night.

She announced, "Bacon phase is officially over."

We had a very low key visit with Miss Betsy, Maggie and Ellie building gingerbread houses out of icing, graham crackers, and colorful cereals and candies. What a day to have a FOOD craft, but thankfully none had an "oder" which was offensive.

David had a wonderful day with his David.

We are looking forward to a day with Abigail tomorrow. She and David will play chess, their violins; we each will demand our turn with her. Later in the day we will head to The Bennett House to play our instruments and sing Christmas into the room.

Just praying that Miss Olivia will be up for it!

To JESUS!

Monday, December 19, 2011 9:12 AM CST

This past weekend was filled with eye opening, heart searching, ear listening days.

Saturday's iron infusion was interesting since it was Saturday and not a week day. After finally finding where they wanted us, which was on the floor, we settled in and had a nurse we have had many times before, although not sure he remembered us.

It was the room next to the ROOM where Olivia's week of pure pain and fear resided. Thankfully, neither David nor Olivia knew or remembered. I peeked in and saw my dear dear faithful friend sitting next to the bed with my rubbing Olivia's feet per her crying out in request. I heard her little voice asking for me to help her. I saw Keesha's eyes widen as Olivia asked and hearing Keesha praying.

I praise GOD for His mercies and not just second chances at living, but a daily opportunity.

After the iron infusion we raced over to the West Side of Cincinnati which one day I hope to take a day and my camera and do a photo study. We saw again the great Union Terminal and arrived for the Christmas program practice a bit late.

That is okay though, because friends know.

Sunday we visited with our Stephanie, Kenny, Korey, Kody and KILLIAN! What a great day; Killian and I improvised. He played piano and I sang. Great fun.

We raced back to Rosella's to grab our stuffs and head back to Hillside for the Christmas program.

. . . on the way driving up the great Price Hill we saw a little black kitten in the sun with fur all tattered and matted. Olivia's heart is so freshly sensitive that she had a hard time getting that image out of her heart.

After the Christmas program I had an older gentleman come and tell me he was an alter boy, (he knows I know a little Latin) and told me of the great losses of their family. His 43 year old daughter and his other daughter's husband, both dying on and a day off his birthday one year apart.

I immediately thought of that little black kitty on the sidewalk next to the curb all body parts all close in hopes of warmth.

This grandfather shared his heart to me, virtually a stranger, and I did not say any flowery words, but cried with him.

On the way home I shared with David and Olivia about the man's story. What a great way to end the weekend.

IT was the fullness of His promise that HE will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. There IS coming a day....

When all sorrow, pain, tears. . . .

will
be
gone.

To Jesus.

Saturday, December 17, 2011 3:02 AM CST

Awakened by the sound of something falling.

Finally deciding to check on the TPN.

TPN had fallen down and the pump was pumping away as if nothing was different. Olivia's line was full of air with 4 inches left in her line with TPN!

Thinking I had finally slept through the night I checked the time; 3:45! WHAT?

Unhooked the TPN tubing; started a Liter of fluids as we have only one more bag for tomorrow night's infusion with us, but thankfully I have an abundance of fluids.

Have to look at this as a blessing; She will be more than hydrated when we go at noon for her iron infusion today; having good fluids prior helps her to NOT feel deathly ill afterwards.

Some would call it coincidence; I call it God's Hand on our life. He has proved that over and over when it comes just to the infusing of Olivia's TPN. Just when it seems we have experienced all there is to this alternative way of fueling one's body; there is ALWAYS another glitch around the corner.

__________

Thursday evening we had dinner with Dave in Louisville before the kids and I headed to Cincinnati. The drive was easy; it seems to be more and more; God's mercy.

We were up bright and early, for our home schooled habits and arrived at Hillside BEFORE 9 AM! It is still a "drive" there from Rosella's condo, but what fun for me to drive down into Cincinnati. Seeing the old "friends" called buildings and even getting to know the tallest addition to the skyline.

Rosella's condo: This is a home that I have known all my Morrow, Ohio lifetime and now my children, well, Dave included--get to experience it as well. What a huge blessing it is to have a home away from home while we "do" either Hillside or Cincinnati Childrens stuff, or just come up to enjoy friends and the city!

As we left yesterday morning I thought of Rosella's faithfulness all throughout her career as a teacher; only to arrive to another faithful friend at Hillside.

God's riches are so deep.

It was a big day with Christmas art, pizza, singing The 12 Days of Christmas--one of my FAVORITE things in the WORLD to do with children; especially those who have NEVER done it before--then off to UNION TERMINAL!

FINALLY got to see TOWER A that my dad has raved about for years. If you are in Cincinnati and CAN go to UNION Terminal during this next week; do it. I had an old railroader give me deep history of it all--boy did I miss my dad!

We then saw the Omni Max movie about the construction of the Canadian Rocky's railroad. What fun to sit next and answer questions by an inquisitive and sensitive little boy.

Just a delightful day.

Excited to see how tomorrow, well, today is. Every day I am thankful for another opportunity, really.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011 10:49 AM CST

Today is GRANDPA JERRY'S BIRTHDAY!

We thank GOD for him in our lives.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Today is David's last day at Cornerstone for this calendar year. Whew! Will be nice to have a break from the week by week assignments and deadlines.

Olivia and I will head over to our beloved Miss Betsy for Latin -N- Knitting.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

‎"True spirituality is more about direction � whom or what you're pursuing � than about perfection." � Chip Ingram

Dave and I thank God for Mr. Ingram's radio ministry.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I also am so thankful for fresh wholesome foods.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Thankful for the daily opportunities to "be". . .

To Jesus!

(hapPy BiRtHdaY, JERRY!)

Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:05 AM CST

Our family's equation over the last few years had been dissected, divided and distorted.

Out of pure bottom line necessity Dave and I have rearranged our lives, home and priorities to balance our family equation.

REAL Love = Love in ACTION

It is worth the hard work it sometimes can be.

I am pouring out with thankfulness today; Olivia's surgery went well, Friday was a meltdown day for me and David, but we survived stronger and loving deeper.

Yesterday Dave and David came home around 8 AM after an all nighter; Dad's sleep a few hours, but the boys stay up all night! We let David sleep a bit, but then woke him to drive to Louisville to help Papa put his kitties in their home while he is away to California.

We had another amazing family day. Snapping, knitting, stitching ourselves closer to one another.

Olivia (mostly Olivia) and I removed her dressing over her new entrance site. It has blue stitches holding the line in her body; it "creeped" Olivia, but it looked good. It was a source of a lingering anxiety, Olivia has a layer of concern over her line; hard to pin point, but being aware that she is in alert, helps us all.

Love my family.

To Jesus.

Friday, December 9, 2011 7:04 AM CST

Thursday evening Olivia noticed that there was not enough water in the balloon which is inside her body to hold her tubes in place. It was her J tube; so we popped it out, fixed the disc and put it right away back where it came. She had growing anxiety last night concerning this as she knew she would need to take it out--we recalled Stephanie's wisdom and it helped. I think she may be sold on the fact that if we change them MORE REGULARLY it will not be as difficult.

She also was concerned about her line coming out in the night; it is something she will need to be a bit more careful. She is pretty athletic when it comes right down to it.

Another side note for my journal of yesterday; Olivia said when she was asleep she dreamed that dates were flying all around her--she said, it was not important dates like July 27 or April 20--David and her birthdays.

Another additional side note--I am so thankful for my friends and family. I was able to talk with my mom several times, texted with my brother, dad and my dears who I know when the push comes to a hard shove in life are right there with me--thick and thin. Thank you for your immediate concern.

I am thankful for those who validate.

Always, this is a journal, not a proof read document, but pouring out of heart's words documenting a mother's journey for her children's future.

***Olivia's bones are on the brink of osteoporosis, she is in need of iron which she can receive while we are up in Cincy next weekend and we hope to try out a chiropractor to help aid in lower back pain. Both children were disappointed in not being asked to "test" at TKD last week, Olivia said last night, I don't think I should do TKD for a week or so--am glad I do not have testing. She was SO downtrodden about it but now sees that God was LOOKING OUT FOR HER. Beautiful sights indeed.

To Jesus fOrEvEr!

12/8/11

It is a day for the record books.

Olivia had her third central line placed this morning around 7:50 AM. Dave, David and I all woke up around 3:15 AM as to be on time for our 6:00 AM curtain call with same day surgery.

Olivia and I resumed our usual positions in the car with my driving and her in the passenger seat; listening to great worship music while she slept and at times woke up to sing along--almost in her sleep.

EVERY one--really, everyone who touched Olivia, talked to Olivia today was present in THE moment. NOT once did any of us feel rushed by even the most highest of doctors in charge.

Her pre-operative nurse was efficient and kind; talked with Olivia; asked her.

When I left to check on David in the waiting room and reentered I found the anesthesiologist in the room. If I were to describe him it would be jovial and thorough. Olivia bantered back and forth with him and was all giggles and talkative.

Dr. Alonzo spoke with us; hard to not be in the room and not tear up and swell with thankfulness. She mentioned "our Dr. Lee" from 2008 and where he is now, making sure we knew how much Olivia made an impression on him. Amen. He was the doctor (fellow at the time) who reluctantly kept Olivia out of a much needed operating room and when the time finally came, Olivia's bowel perforated all over him...and his brand new shoes.

Dave and I were both blessed to walk back with Olivia riding on her surgical bed to the entry of her OR. A new anesthesiologist was given her as the other was needed for someone else and we watched as they unhooked TPN, flushed and gave her the sleepy medications. She was asked about "happy dream". . . and ponies and horses and one called Munch-skin was recalled.

Was SO THANKFUL to have Dave there with me. He is my rock in a tangible real way on this earth.

Hard to watch your child go to sleep and not be awakened--to know you cannot talk with them--alert them, etc.

Olivia made sure everyone knew that there was to be no mask and no IV while still awake; they all concurred. So be it.

Recovery was sweet. She awoke, without tears this time! I was dreading it; spoke what little French I could muster.

The best part of recovery was when Dave and I are standing over her trying to think of a word to describe what we knew Olivia had already done. Meaning she KNEW which arm had an IV, she KNEW her tubes were fresh and new and she KNEW that her central line was indeed placed exactly where Stephanie and her had decided a week prior and Dr. Alonzo put a big PURPLE x and initialed MA next to it--and Olivia says in her awakening sleep--

I N V E N T O R Y!

YES! That was the word--what joy. What a smart girl--SO BLESSED...for she not only ADVOCATED her way through this day, but she had checked out first time what exactly had been done.

We were told in pre-op that Dr. K wanted an XRAY; when we were in XRAY after surgery DEXAscan called me saying they wanted a look at her bones.

Both places, I sat and Olivia and the tech did all the work. Olivia showed her tubes, pin which she pins to her bra to hold her tubes up--as that is HOW she prefers it; she showed her clip on the end of her pouch, all of it.

The kicker was in clinic with Dr. Kocoshis. She and he kept the conversation going about skiing for some time; we were ALL so tired, but she had so much to say as if she had bottled it up for years of knowing him and today was the day she was going to catch up with her doctor.

She talked to EVERYONE.

It was a Holy Spirit, God grew us all kind of day. I gave it to Him; and singing on the way in--The LORD does Great things--He really did.

Olivia was asked to be a part of a very important study for "her people" and got to sign her own initials. Pretty big deal and she was happy to do it.

All along the way, I have to say. . .

My girl CELEBRATES, LOVES her NEW CENTRAL LINE as if it were a NEW coat, a NEW necklace or a BRAND NEW pair of glasses. . . She is PROUD of it. She LOVES her pouch; yes, she does--and she is VERY proud of her BRAND NEW CLEAN G and SEPARATE J TUBE (as she so clearly states to all who need to know).

It was so fun to watch the responses of all who saw that today in her. I hope and will pray it gave them HOPE...ENCOURAGEMENT...that...what they are doing....DOES change the OUTCOME.

Cincinnati Children's--stellar. BLESSED that Olivia can be seen the caring and deep thinking doctors there.

THE ICING on the cake was to see STEPHANIE after clinic--the very end; Olivia and I trekked over the the other side to the beautiful 8th floor to see Stephanie and Korey. There I was in the minority and we discussed tubes, central lines, growing up as a medical kid and the difference a great hospital with expert doctors makes.

. . .

Olivia is 11 years old! She will be 12 years old--and she does not want to HIDE her "stuff" but show it. . . she is excited that her central line dressing will be in view with most shirts.

Gotta love this girl. Spicey and Sweet--ready to smile and console.

To JESUS.

Thursday, December 8, 2011 5:44 PM CST

It is a day for the record books.

Olivia had her third central line placed this morning around 7:50 AM. Dave, David and I all woke up around 3:15 AM as to be on time for our 6:00 AM curtain call with same day surgery.

Olivia and I resumed our usual positions in the car with my driving and her in the passenger seat; listening to great worship music while she slept and at times woke up to sing along--almost in her sleep.

EVERY one--really, everyone who touched Olivia, talked to Olivia today was present in THE moment. NOT once did any of us feel rushed by even the most highest of doctors in charge.

Her pre-operative nurse was efficient and kind; talked with Olivia; asked her.

When I left to check on David in the waiting room and reentered I found the anesthesiologist in the room. If I were to describe him it would be jovial and thorough. Olivia bantered back and forth with him and was all giggles and talkative.

Dr. Alonzo spoke with us; hard to not be in the room and not tear up and swell with thankfulness. She mentioned "our Dr. Lee" from 2008 and where he is now, making sure we knew how much Olivia made an impression on him. Amen. He was the doctor (fellow at the time) who reluctantly kept Olivia out of a much needed operating room and when the time finally came, Olivia's bowel perforated all over him...and his brand new shoes.

Dave and I were both blessed to walk back with Olivia riding on her surgical bed to the entry of her OR. A new anesthesiologist was given her as the other was needed for someone else and we watched as they unhooked TPN, flushed and gave her the sleepy medications. She was asked about "happy dream". . . and ponies and horses and one called Munch-skin was recalled.

Hard to watch your child go to sleep and not be awakened--to know you cannot talk with them--alert them, etc.

Olivia made sure everyone knew that there was to be no mask and no IV while still awake; they all concurred. So be it.

Recovery was sweet. She awoke, without tears this time! I was dreading it; spoke what little French I could muster.

The best part of recovery was when Dave and I are standing over her trying to think of a word to describe what we knew Olivia had already done. Meaning she KNEW which arm had an IV, she KNEW her tubes were fresh and new and she KNEW that her central line was indeed placed exactly where Stephanie and her had decided a week prior and Dr. Alonzo put a big PURPLE x and initialed MA next to it--and Olivia says in her awakening sleep--

I N V E N T O R Y!

YES! That was the word--what joy. What a smart girl--SO BLESSED...for she not only ADVOCATED her way through this day, but she had checked out first time what exactly had been done.

We were told in pre-op that Dr. K wanted an XRAY; when we were in XRAY after surgery DEXAscan called me saying they wanted a look at her bones.

Both places, I sat and Olivia and the tech did all the work. Olivia showed her tubes, pin which she pins to her bra to hold her tubes up--as that is HOW she prefers it; she showed her clip on the end of her pouch, all of it.

The kicker was in clinic with Dr. Kocoshis. She and he kept the conversation going about skiing for some time; we were ALL so tired, but she had so much to say as if she had bottled it up for years of knowing him and today was the day she was going to catch up with her doctor.

She talked to EVERYONE.

It was a Holy Spirit, God grew us all kind of day. I gave it to Him; and singing on the way in--The LORD does Great things--He really did.

Olivia was asked to be a part of a very important study for "her people" and got to sign her own initials. Pretty big deal and she was happy to do it.

All along the way, I have to say. . .

My girl CELEBRATES, LOVES her NEW CENTRAL LINE as if it were a NEW coat, a NEW necklace or a BRAND NEW pair of glasses. . . She is PROUD of it. She LOVES her pouch; yes, she does--and she is VERY proud of her BRAND NEW CLEAN G and SEPARATE J TUBE (as she so clearly states to all who need to know).

It was so fun to watch the responses of all who saw that today in her. I hope and will pray it gave them HOPE...ENCOURAGEMENT...that...what they are doing....DOES change the OUTCOME.

Cincinnati Children's--stellar. BLESSED that Olivia can be seen the caring and deep thinking doctors there.

THE ICING on the cake was to see STEPHANIE after clinic--the very end; Olivia and I trekked over the the other side to the beautiful 8th floor to see Stephanie and Korey. There I was in the minority and we discussed tubes, central lines, growing up as a medical kid and the difference a great hospital with expert doctors makes.

. . .

Olivia is 11 years old! She will be 12 years old--and she does not want to HIDE her "stuff" but show it. . . she is excited that her central line dressing will be in view with most shirts.

Gotta love this girl. Spicey and Sweet--ready to smile and console.

To JESUS.

When it was time to take her back; she was still calm, peaceful and ex

Wednesday, December 7, 2011 9:11 AM CST

Interestingly enough I opened David's literature assignment just now. Vaguely remembering in our car discussion after his classes yesterday that he had chosen courage to be his basis for his essay regarding Where the Red Fern Grows.

There were three other options, but he chose courage.

Will be a great week to focus on courage.

To Jesus...

Saturday, December 3, 2011 8:07 PM CST

Yes, it is December.

Our tree is up; I asked Dave to cut a short one; keeping it more easy and he and David brought home at least an 8 footer, but we DO keep it simple with lights and very minimal ornaments; the ones handmade or were my daddy's or mine as a kiddo. The tree is a beauty.

Dave and Olivia put up lights around the roof's edge and our front two bushes; just enough. I put colors on canvas and my husband lights colors every Christmas; it is his thing, it is my children's delight and it makes my heart warm and happy.

Today was a recoup day after a action packed Friday. We were UP early, enjoyed our time spent at Hillside. Hillside Christian Academy is a small Christian school on the western side of Cincinnati; I have fallen in love with my students there. A quick jaunt to Stephanie's enables us to drive up Vine Street seeing my city and all her murals, people and hills with streets. Stopping at red lights I catch a snap of buildings and colors. Fills me.

Stephanie placed a "beauty mark" on Olivia's chest in permanent marker so Dr. Alonzo can see where Olivia wants her new central line to exit her chest. It was as if they were choosing where to place a tattoo. That is the best analogy I can come up with to describe it. I fade, and let Stephanie take over. So thankful for such a present lady in my girl's world, one who understands.

The drive home was dark. Olivia slept soundly, David and I listened to music. Starting with Vivaldi. He reaches over to turn the volume up. My heart smiles with the fact he appreciates and never says, not classical, but knows who the composer is.

We have but a few more days before the "procedure"--a new central line! Trying to figure out how we want to play it; full family forging ahead or just we two girls.

A favorite portion:

‎"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

--Robert Frost

To Jesus!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011 7:33 PM CST

Olivia could never be deemed a whimp.

She is a little lady, but she sure does love playing with her brother and being with him. I know that he is one of the reasons she pushes herself in times of fatigue.

Today was a marvelous day; we had friend over and the children played outside; Olivia air soft gunning with favorite friends and then tonight to TKD.

She was not walking upright before she left but she went.

Determined.

Love my boy. Love my girl.

Love my husband. Thankfully, he was able to take them tonight so I could stay in, go over my notes from the great planning meeting we had today; do a few more house chores...

To JESUS.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011 8:07 AM CST

The rain has subsided, pancakes eaten, last bit of homework being completed but this Tuesday is, thankfully so, a slower paced one than some. I love teaching but need a bit of "ease into it time" from after really taking time to rest over the last few days.

Olivia is still a bit tired and not up to her best baseline. Lots of dumping challenges which I can easily overlook if I choose to, but I think now in her state of life she needs to be affirmed and noticed as to what is going on with her body.

It is a balance. I do not want to focus on it primarily but also want to be sensitive to the day to day routine or lack of routine her disease brings to her life.

Mornings are her best time and when she is as best rested she attacks the day with such an energy that even can awaken David.

Olivia will have a pre-op appointment with her PED this Monday; Wednesday we will head to Cincy rather early as we will need to stay the night. This is where blessings come into the picture.

Lary and Rosella are so gracious and good to us! We have the opportunity to stay at their condo in Landen so we do not have to drive the 2 + hours to CCHMC early Thursday. Have to be there at 6:15--that in itself is a big enough ouch.

So, we are thankful for that. Trying to be wise about our time here and there making sure everyone has time to rest in between big stuff.

Thankful the rain has stopped; makes it a bit easier to move about this world.

Been reviewing over a verse we as a family memorized probably 10 years ago...

~~~~~~~~
Joshua 1:9

Have not I commande thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
~~~~~~~~~

To Jesus!

Monday, November 28, 2011 4:08 PM CST

It has been R A I N Y all day all night a l l day a l l night. . . all the way.

We miss Dave after having him here for nine days.

The kids and I did slow time school work; I planning the next few months, trying to get projects completed, but to no avail...

It is a slow day of rain day to rest it up for the next couple weeks, well, the next month will be full of trips to our beloved Cincinnati for time with our Hillside family and Cincinnati Children's family and some time with Stephanie and her boys.

Much needed.

Olivia has asked to see Stephanie before her line placement so she can "mark" where she would like the surgeon to "place" her central line.

I just desire to see my friend who rolls in life in a way that would blow away most people...

To Jesus!

Sunday, November 27, 2011 1:43 PM CST

Dave and I had our two nights alone. I do believe this was the first time since having children. It was strange; we are used to having David away to Scout camp outs and his occasional sleep over with a friend, but to have Olivia away was just...odd.

Last night Olivia called and asked if I had packed two TPN tubings. Then I remembered we switched medical bags at the last minute and I must of NOT put another tubing in the bag! It was bed time for her; she was fine and had eaten that day--felt "good"--so we opted to get up early and drive up and hook up.

She was tired but good. Was cute to hear all her mini "Papa stories"...

What a reminder how fragile she is and what a miracle of man's inventions TPN is.

We are gearing up for December; keeping it simple and hoping to close in on some deep family times.

Starting with Romans 12.

To Jesus.

Thursday, November 24, 2011 9:13 AM CST

H A P P Y BIRTHDAY, DAVE--DADDY-O!

We are celebrating Dave today. Rainy day, misty fog, warm house, all the animals cozied in and Papa here with us.

Thankfully so...hard to not be thankful every day.

Thanksgiving is a strange holiday in this modern America. Folks announcing their menu, telling everyone to be thankful...the bigger the meal the more thankful we are?

Smile.

Olivia ate some baked chicken last night then Papa took the kids and me to "Happy Feet 2" and when we got home Olivia said, I just want to vomit, but cannot. She vented a LOT out of her G and J and felt better, but really--food is not a meter of thankfulness here.

I remember the first holidays after Olivia's diagnosis; it was such a tight rope, but we have all survived and Olivia does all right for the most part as long as she is not in a major flare to where even the smells make her sick and could not be with us.

We had our family feast when Grandma Lodgie was here--so today--although we are thankful--every day--is Daddy's day.

Winds blow the cold air here; snow, too. We are ready for the crisp winter; our winter clothes await the next season's adventures.

To JESUS!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011 7:17 AM CST

Wind and rain; rain and wind. It reminds me of our long rainy season wrapped around Easter last spring.

Having driven back from St Louis in time for David to attend his scout meeting Monday night, I was reluctant for about 3 seconds about traveling again on Tuesday. I did not want to miss this glimpse of time with this family.

It was a wonderful inside study of a mother and five of her girls. She has two "new" ones who were adopted last August from China. 12 and 14 years old, and the 14 year old needed to run up to Indy for an oath and paper work. For me it is a teachers dream to be included and have opportunity to throw little tidbits of information; it is always easy to be with this family and I always feel like bursting into "THE HILLS ARE ALIVE...with the SOUND OF MUSIC.." as there is always plenty to impart and plenty of appreciation especially from mom, my dear faithful friend.

When we pulled into the driveway there were two of her boys and my boy and girl all geared up and ready to head inside as it was dark and damp; they had been outside playing. Good to see.

Today is preparation day for the remainder of the week. I am looking forward not to just this week and weekend, but to December's festivities and finally December 25.

Keep warm and dry; know that He Loves and Keeps you.

To Jesus.

Saturday, November 19, 2011 8:12 AM CST

Grandma Lodgie/Logi is safely tucked home in California. We sure do miss her.

Yesterday David, Olivia and I drove to Cincinnati's west side to Hillside Christian Academy. What a blessing it is to see the children and to hear from Mr. Bledsoe of this time in the Army and with it a great history war lesson. History is one of my favorite subjects (I think all are my favorite) but I never as a classroom teacher had opportunity to "teach" it so I am not as sharp.

When we travel we listen to history told in chronological order, called Story of the World. It is mind boggling how many wars, how our world turns--human nature.

I know for my own self and the struggles I have had--what a need I have for not just a Savior but a LORD in my life. It is clear how far we as humans are from a Holy God.

Today is the beginning of 9 DAYS of vacation for Dave. This is a major first for us. Always when he would take time off Olivia would be in some sort of emergent care situation. Never have we had this amount of time off HOME or to do as we would like. We are starting it out by visiting Dave's mom in St Louis then will be home Monday. Both children will have friend time before we settle in to Thursday's birthday celebration for Dave. We had our thanksgiving already--but will make Thursday a work-free-family-time day.

BUT the most exciting is Dad is going to take David AND Olivia for two nights! This is definitely a first for us. Dave and I are hoping to have some "us" time which has been a long time coming--15 years?

God is good.

To JEsUs!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011 2:17 AM CST

Third early morning in a row that I am awake around 3:00 AM!

Tuesdays have proved to be one of the most incredible days of the week for both David and Olivia.

For David it is the due date of a weeks worth of hard work. Managing his time to accomplish the lessons really was a struggle for the first several weeks; we had pretty big bumps as well, but he is coming out victorious and encouraged on the other side.

He blows me away with how he can memorize and do his Latin workbook and KNOW the information; pre-algebra has been tough because he was rusty in math and it took a l o n g time to complete just one lesson of 30 problems, but he is getting the answers to the problems!

Science is one of his favorites and so thankful that we did general science last year because as he said he learned about systems of the body he had never heard of before and sparked a loving interest.

But the real surprise is Literature class. It is designed for 8th graders, but I chose it over the 7th grade mainly due to the time frame. . . I was pretty sure he would be swallowed whole. The beauty to all this is the teacher. She is the kind of woman you wish you had had along the way. Although, I had a great many wonderful junior high-senior high teachers! David is learning how to really write and express himself and each week improving. She has a safe and encouraging environment--a true teacher.

This past week in their reading of "The Hiding Place" she gave each student a role to aide in discussion. She has done this before and David really had a good time with finding good questions as the group discussion leader. This time he was the "connector" meaning he had to find the links to the story and the history behind it. He spend the better half of an afternoon delving into one of his first loves--history--and WWII is his prime favorite.

As soon as we were alone in the car, he told me how he was asked to stand at the white board and do a time line--he loved it.

Later last evening he received confirmation from a dad who leads a group of Webelos (oldest of Cub Scout group) saying David could teach the boys.

It made mom and I think--scratch our heads...teaching?

It was a lovely day, with a luncheon at his school. I was also afforded time to speak with one of David's friends he met at Cornerstone which has been such a blessing, but the true highlight of the day was when David came up to me in the midst of all his peers and a loud crazy swarming room of people and hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and told me he loved me.

Olivia and Miss Maggie had their Latin and knitting time; every time I pick Olivia up from knitting she is so excited, happy and renewed.

The blessings.

As I was wheeling my shopping cart around the grocery last night while David sat in the car waiting--his foot is still pretty sore--I was overwhelmed by the amount of blessings--big and small being poured over my family...me.

I am most thankful to those who have stuck by me through some of the hardest times of my life. It is like that panning for gold. The water is the trials and tribulations; the gold nuggets are those blessings and people who show me they truly do mean it when they say, I love you.

Looking forward to today. Enjoying the last moments of Grandma's visit and Thursday we take her to the airport and say good bye . . . but only until December 25.

To Jesus.

Monday, November 14, 2011 9:12 PM CST

Was a warm windy day.

David was gone most the day to a belated birthday party which was postponed due partly to us; his friend wanted him there. David is pretty much beat up by the Ohio Valley allergies and while out playing today sprained his foot. That was the excitement for the evening. Wondering if it was broken--etc.

Olivia was up and at it; the rest of us slow moving, but excited for the weeks happenings.

To Jesus.

Saturday, November 12, 2011 12:41 AM CST

So wish I could remember all the delightful things Olivia says.

It was a profitable week with school, friends, and house.

We are all a bit under the weather, but taking it as a message to rest a bit.

Looking forward to the week ahead although it means that Grandma Lodgie will be leaving, but it means Christmas is only but weeks away.

We are flying to California on Christmas Day this year. ALL four, well, FIVE of us. Dave's vacation days are such that he will have the days off prior to Thanksgiving and the week between Christmas and New Years so we are ALL very much looking forward to major family time which over the years has not been due to his schedule.

When problems arise, solve them. We have been really doing that a lot lately; God's Grace, LOVE and mercy...could not live without my GOD.

To JEsuS!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011 6:44 AM CST

David and Olivia are learning and growing so quickly these days.

Olivia woke up this morning telling me she has a picture in her locket. It is of her first love of a pony, Munchkin! She is saving her money and her Papa is planning and working towards a fence for a pony.

We are praying for an opportunity one day to have land for all of us to pursue our dreams.

Looking forward to enjoying Grandma these days few days; pray for her. She has a bad cold, but is on the upswing.

TO JESUS!

Monday, November 7, 2011 12:09 AM CST

Thankful that we do not have to work our way to life eternal.

The surgery date for Olivia's central line replacement came this morning. December 8th. Olivia was disappointed as she had hoped Grandma would still be here, but after we stood back and looked over the last couple months coupled by the next coming weeks; we are thankful for a time to catch our breath and find our footing.

She will need a PED appointment first.

We also had a visit today from Lifespan. Our caseworker is a delightful transplanted woman from South Carolina, one who enjoys travel and helping people. She was drawn to Olivia immediately and we may have even made a new friend. There is something refreshing about the whole experience. When we reviewed over the possibilities, Olivia wrote a note and passed over to me asking what about a bed. Her back hurts her every night and with reflux from time to time, a comfy pillow top would be such a blessing. Blessing.

We had a wonderful relaxing and renewing weekend sharing a Thanksgiving dinner together.

These next couple of weeks can be a concentrated effort to enjoy Grandma Lodgie's last several days with us and catching up on school missed and pushing forward on the house.

Thankful and excited about the possibilities of today and tomorrow.

To Jesus!

Sunday, November 6, 2011 6:53 PM CST

IT was a full rest weekend for all; David went shooting with his Dad and friends for a birthday party yesterday, but the rest of us stayed in and collected ourselves.

Tomorrow we will hear from surgery concerning Olivia's line replacement. There will be no planning of our days until we have this appointment placed on a day.

Olivia has been knitting adorable stuffed animals such a blessing for her to have such a skill, talent...love.

Olivia and I found Bramwell, a miniseries off of PBS on NETFLIX which we have been watching. The setting is 1895, London with the main character being a female doctor running a small hospital for the poor. It has been a wonderful picture for Olivia to see HOW far medical practices and advances have come.

David is reading The Hiding Place for literature.

I look forward to these next few days of organizing thoughts concerning the beautiful new ministry God has given us.

To JESUS!

Saturday, November 5, 2011 1:20 PM CDT

S a T u R d A y!

It is truly Saturday! What a MULTI FACETED week it was and completely orchestrated, not by me--that is for sure.

Feel very blessed by the people in my life. Old friends, new ones, and family who are there and ready to encourage, pray, laugh, cry.

Yesterday was one of those days I so want to journal, but I really do not know how and where to start. The banquet was special as both my mom and dad were there to hear the kids play and even me! We played Amazing Grace together. I played along with Olivia on French Folk Song and we each played our own solo piece.

THE school children plus David and Olivia sang songs in different languages and shared about a Famous American. I am just going to say, Olivia loves the stage. David too, but Olivia is flamboyant where as David is posture. I am just thankful for two great kids, not perfect, nor am I, but kids that have a heart for others and are givers.

Looking forward to this weekend of rest and reflection.

Love.
Peace.
Joy.

To Jesus!

A great day to be alive.

Thursday, November 3, 2011 8:28 PM CDT

There is a love hidden inside your borders
Just waiting to be free, just waiting to be free.
There is a hope hidden inside your borders
Just waiting to be realized, just waiting to be realized.
K. Mueller

Today was Thursday; it is the kind of week where I have to remind myself what day it is. Felt like we lost a day on Tuesday and Wednesday was a quiet day of pressing forward alone with little contact from the outside world.

As we were driving to HCA this morning; I received a call from the PED saying Olivia was indeed positive for UTI. There I emailed and contacted and cleared the next steps with her nurse at CCHMC.

It was a wonderful to leave HCA and drive immediately to CCHMC, park and walk up and be in that wonderful place where I KNOW there will be no glitches or why are YOU here responses to a first dosage, to the fact that an 11 year old girl has a central line; just so good to be there. It is such a blessing.

David working on algebra, Olivia on her spelling Nurse Lois pushed Olivia's ABX and then we discussed the need for a blood draw. It turned into a finger prick since Olivia's line cannot give us blood now.

It seemed drastic to Olivia but in the end she held up.

The prize was a visit with Stephanie and Papi along with Kody and Killian as they had appointments as well today! Stephanie and Olivia were able to discuss the placement of her central line. Stephanie is a veteran central line owner and mother of many. I am SO blessed; we are.

Killian was in rare form declaring we must tell a story with the photos being taken; Kody and David chattered away and Papi showed Olivia some tricks on the yo-yo...it was just so nice to be with dear friends.

But backing up into earlier in the day; David finally got to meet HCA, Mr. Bledsoe and the children there. It was doubly good day; I got to see two dear friends. Mr. Bledsoe and my Stephanie.

I can hear the rain outside; it grows colder but tomorrow we will work hard to be at HCA early and finish preparations for the banquet. Tonight we sleep at Lary and Rosella's...and I hear Grandma Lodgie downstairs; she is back from a visit with Winkie.

Dave is working hard mailing scans of the children's music because I left THAT behind--good thing it was just that and not their instruments.

To J E S U S.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011 7:00 PM CDT

Landing the day--with peace, quiet, sofa school, meeting goals, packing and final plans for the next couple of days.

David, Olivia and I will head to Hillside Christian Academy tomorrow to finish up details for the banquet Friday evening. We are SO BLESSED to have two days at this school with our friends and stay over at Lary and Rosella's with GRANDMA Lodgie. Papa Virg will come to the banquet Friday evening as well, just so sad Dave cannot, but he is saving the last of his vacation days for some pretty special family time in November and December. Grandma is diligent and will video tape all performances of ALL the children for Dave to watch later this weekend.

I am especially excited to hear David perform Vivaldi. He has been attacking this piece and really practicing for the first time like a mature player. It makes sense; I remember about this age of really understanding the music more.

Olivia's lady bug suitcase-travel bag which was given to her from Uncle Greg and Aunt Kim last Christmas has had an abundance of opportunity. We are as Olivia called missionaries, called all about the place. I love her spirit. I can hear her great-great grandmother, her great grandmother(s) and even her Auntie Midge in that statement.

We await the email from Olivia's nurse concerning replacing Olivia's central line. She has a few hoops to jump through I'm sure to get us in before the holidays. Meanwhile, Olivia's line is sufficient for now, just no blood draws.

Olivia seems to be almost excited about this venture. A new scar, something big to share with her dear "lady-friends" who so happen to be my friends as well. She mentioned Stephanie's placement of her central line, etc. Just praying we have Dr. Alonzo! She is always so great with Olivia and us before and after a surgery.

Will have to post some fun pictures of our HCA friends.

To JESUS!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011 12:29 AM CDT

11/1/11

It is a very symmetrical number date.

Dave's dad passed away a month ago and today his dear friend, Kenny Foss, has gone to be with Jesus. Dave spent the weekend driving to Florida to say good-bye to Kenny. It all seems so surreal, sad and fast. Praying for Kenny's family left behind.

Last evening.

I rarely drop and pick up David from scouts but did last night as Dave was so tired; so needed to get to bed as he had come in late Sunday night from his visit with Kenny.

Everyone was settled in their evening places; David and I on the sofa reworking last minute some of his Character Essay for Lit today, Mom and Olivia already in bed, Dave in bed and my dad downstairs watching TV.

I hear Olivia and my mom call out to me around 9:30 PM-- I was frustrated, tired and could not believe my ears. "LINE, my line just broke!"

We had opted to wait until this coming week when we were SCHEDULED to be in Cincinnati to have the line repaired. I had grown a bit skeptical about its need to even be repaired as it had NOT ballooned again. Was contemplating canceling our visit to see her nurse on Thursday afternoon, but Olivia on the way to Cincy last night told me that the line had become clamped and as the rate ramped up the line could no longer stand it. Even a "well" line may have not withstood the pressure, who knows, but there we stand.

The story is quite Olivia's and who she has become to be. I run in and see my daughter's man made vein on the bed ripped apart and my reaction is anger. God knows; He knows. Olivia's reaction was that of reassurance. As we were driving out she started to go down the list of everyone and how bad she felt for them; sorry that I had to leave the house and drive her, that daddy had to be awakened and could not drive with us, grandma, just because it is always upsetting.

Before we grabbed my new favorite orange fuzzy blanket from mom, a pillow and Olivia's prayer blanket which was given to her years ago by Grandpa Jerry's mother and the Focus on the Family, Narnia CDS, David was "making" waters for me when our Culligan water bottle burst and we had water, large amounts of it all over the floor. It was very symbolic. Two bursts, both had us scrambling.

We agreed that Horse and His Boy would be the book we listen to and as we drove in record supernatural time to Cincinnati, God used this story to keep me present with Olivia and nothing else.

There was a smooth entry into ED and the doctors and nurses were great with Olivia. Olivia was pleased to have a repair as this old line first repair was looking dusty under its sleeves. She sat like a princess as they were preparing for the procedure.

It is remarkable really. This man made vein what folks call a catheter goes into the chest and into the heart. The part that is exposed outside the body dangles (in Olivia's case, many prefer to wrap it up and tape it to the body, but she has not done this in years) and is very much a part of her body. Olivia, in her Olivia true fashion was concerned that because of how it broke she might contract a blood infection and she would no longer be known as the girl who has never had a blood infection with her line, but the repair went smoothly (this would have been her 5th in her life, 2nd on this line) but there was a glitch. When the line was flushed it was perfect but when the nurse pulled back to make sure blood could be drawn from it--it did not work.

TPA which is a "clot cracker" was ordered. It is pushed with a syringe into the line and left in for two hours then taken out. This was done twice but still not blood coming back. Ah, yes, then X-ray. Let's make sure the line is where it should be in the chest!

So around 6:45 AM Olivia and I walked to X-ray and got the answer. Olivia's line was no longer where it should be in her body therefore it will need to be replaced.

Now, for some reading this, that is not a big deal. It is not major surgery, it is a simple procedure to place a central line, many of our friends have had MANY. Olivia is fortunate (as are her parents!) to have had only two and the last one she outgrew as well, but this "vein" is going on four years and the girl IS growing which is a HUGE blessing, but again, I remember all too well, what her last placement was like. Waking up from having been "asleep" and the after math of what the line looks like was a bit unnerving for me, but part of the deal.

We finished The Horse and His Boy this morning. Olivia and I agreed that this is by far one of our favorite quotes.

[Aslan to Shasta toward the end of the book] �There was only one lion � I was the lion � who forced you to join Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.�

[to Shasta when he questions Aslan and asks for an explanation for Aravis' story] �Child,� said the Voice, �I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.�

So, Olivia and I slept off and on together on the ED "stretcher bed"--AKA wide as a toothpick bed says Olivia, but to me it was glorious. Loved watching her sleep and how she talked with the doctors and nurses. Was so proud when they looked at her line and saw the metal clip they had given her almost FOUR years ago for emergencies. SHE still had it and used it.

Now, to rest...rest...and really rest for Thursday and Friday we run back up to Cincinnati for a banquet.

TO JESUS!

Monday, October 31, 2011 10:34 AM CDT

Olivia just has NOT bounced back from her cold. She is much better, but LOW energy with other ailments on her list.

Thankfully her PED is in which enabled us to drop a sample to her lab and get a standing order fixed at the other local hospital lab. Been a while that we have needed to have such in place.

This is a B I G week for the kids. Just regular school activities plus an added scout meeting for David and our quick trip to Cincy for the BANQUET on Friday where they both will be performing. Olivia will also participate with the other students' "show"--Grandma will already be up there visiting and both of my parents will be able to come so that will be special.

We are going to have an EARLY Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday while mom is still here as Thanksgiving lands on Dave's birthday this year or visa versa?

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas time as we are keeping it very low key, back to family times. It has been a difficult end of summer and fall. Dave was gone this past weekend visiting a dear friend who is at the end of his life and only in his 40s. Ready to just be home with family. . .

To Jesus!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011 3:16 PM CDT

Autumn is quiet still, but the colors here are booming.

With mom here we have a multifaceted schooling approach; Grandma Lodgie is reading the life story of John Adams to Olivia as Olivia reads other shorter informational reports on our 2nd President. Next Friday Olivia will be participating in the Hillside Christian Academy's fall banquet. Each student is writing a report about a Famous American, singing songs in different languages and both David and Olivia will play their instruments; I may play flute.

It has been another great day here. Our family is being changed in supernatural ways. it is the only way I can describe it.

Last night Olivia noticed her central line had a bit of an unnatural bulge which sounded soft alarms. It has behaved today which is good because we were able to get an appointment tomorrow for labs and a line repair. Olivia looks pale and has had a lot of output.

Mom will stay back with David and take him to violin lessons while Olivia and I make a day trek to CCHMC to see what we can see.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011 11:38 AM CDT

Olivia's cold is pretty deep and she looks worse today than precious days. Tried to talk her into TRYING cello lesson tonight, but I can tell she is done.

What to do!

This is when I so wish we lived even 45 minutes away from Cincy Childrens.

Saturday, October 22, 2011 1:32 PM CDT

Sunny Saturday.

We had hoped to spend it with our friends in Cincinnati, but several factors proved it would be best to be home. Thankful we decided this direction as Olivia is in bed with a sore throat, lots of output and over all puny feeling.

Dave took David to shoot, but all the hunters are out readying their rifles for hunting so it was packed and too long a wait; they are off driving this day to look at a friend's airplane. Good father-son day.

There are trade off days; yesterday was one. Olivia had such a great productive day at HCA on all accounts. So proud of her and her way about her.

Looking forward Papa bringing Grandma Lodgie to us tomorrow. We will all need some good quiet restful days; circling the wagons today, preparing for our upcoming week.

We cut off our cable. What a blessing it has been. We rarely watch TV but today Olivia and I have caught pieces from knitting to woodworking to chicken farming in the city to Europe. PBS, an old friend, has been spot on for today.

Feeling grateful for all that is given.

To Jesus.

Friday, October 21, 2011 6:52 AM CDT

Tail spin.

Spiral?

Thankful that He is faithful in the midst of it all.

My mom and Aunt Midge have invited Olivia to travel an overnighter to Oakland City to pick out Uncle Jim's grave stone. Olivia at first was hesitant saying she has never spent the night away from me, but that is not true, as she stayed at Papa's with David while I stayed the night with my dearest friend, Trisha in August.

She is reluctant due to her being "high maintenance" during the night with her need to vent and at times vomit if she awakes too late.

Aunt Midge is now an official nurse with her care for Uncle Jim in his last weeks. Mom knows Olivia, but as Olivia said, David really knows her.

It blesses me how much she trusts her brother.

We are praying that Olivia will do this as it would be a memory maker--having Aunt MIDGE AND Grandma Lodgie--two of the three Blinn sisters ALL to herself. A treat for sure; one I would gladly take if afforded me.

Today will be a big day with little sleep and the need to keep a J or G bag on in front of her peers. Growth chance for sure.

The pastor we were listening to yesterday talked about Paul, being chief of sinners and his thorn in the flesh; it reminded me of Olivia's tubes in her flesh and the daily reminder of her need (and all of ours) for Jesus 100%; never failing, never leaving, all knowing and ready to be her All in ALL.

Standing guard.

To Jesus.

Thursday, October 20, 2011 6:33 PM CDT

If one were to react to the weather outside; I, for one, would do little.

This morning was gloomy and windy. Spitting rain and a brisk temperature made it a bit discouraging to leave our home to travel north, but as Olivia and I got closer to Hillside Christian Academy hope took over the day.

Olivia and I try to visit twice a month and since we had to cancel a few weeks back the idea was to make up with back to back days. It worked well with my mom's long time friend, Rosella, having a condo in Cincy and offering it to us.

Olivia and I had a wonderful day with Mr. Bledsoe and his students. We did A LOT of art, music and a little bit of Latin. Olivia played her cello for her friends!

Papa took David to violin lessons and had an opportunity to observe Mr. Boaz.

All is well, except the fact Olivia really has not been able to eat and "keep it down" for months now.

It is a bit concerning, but not sounding the alarm.

Today she and I listened to a pastor speak about Someone who is there 100% of the time. We rest in that.

We are looking forward to Grandma Lodgie's arrival on Sunday. She has been with her sister and our Auntie Midge.

We are all still incredulous over the fact that Papa Pete and Uncle Jim are no longer on this earth.

What a day it will be.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011 2:45 PM CDT

The chilly rainy day has us locked inside but productive.

We have a friend of David's here as his Mom is out of pocket for the day; they completed two algebra lessons in RECORD time! Latin review and most of science! YEAH! Great start to the week!

Olivia has her "Maggie" here; her knitting buddy and dear friend. The girls made a dog house out of the big box the new dishwasher came in while one of my students, extraordinary helper, cleaner organizer helped me downstairs.

Productive!

Tomorrow Olivia and I will head to HCA to have school up there on Thursday and Friday; hoping to see Angie one night, a day of Steph and her boys...and Dave and David joining us for all the fun. Thankful to Lary and Rosella offering their condo for our stay.

Olivia has not eaten much lately, but we are not going to let it keep us down.

To Jesus!

Sunday, October 16, 2011 4:38 PM CDT

"...all too familiar of a sight."

Olivia stated as we turned into the Montgomery Cemetery where many of my mother's family "shells" rest.

It is hard to believe that Dave's dad and Uncle Jim are no longer upon this earth.

It is a windy fall day here. David is outside sawing a piece of wood for a project in Literature; Olivia and I are about to begin studio time as Dave works on a high alert must fix window problem.

Olivia is scootering around with her "water-ball" stuck down her shirt; smiling, happy...

This past week was a telling week in terms of David's work at Cornerstone; he is taking a lot and despite the trials as of late, is working so hard to get caught up in each of his classes.

Last week Olivia began polishing her music she has been writing on cello by adding French words. Beautiful sentiments for the times we have been in lately.

Something like this, off the top of my head...

Good day, my friend

Never give up Hope.

Hope.

...with that I will leave this journal.

Never give up hope.

To Jesus.

Friday, October 14, 2011 5:13 PM CDT

The stormy seas awaken the heart's hidden reservoir.

Gathered Grandma Lodgie from Louisville's airport long enough to enjoy her for one evening before handing her off to her sister, my aunt, Midge. Two beautifully strong women, sisters, who in the face of such loss were like little girls, again. How explicitly piercing to see.

Love.

On my return from such a blessed task of driving my mom to her sister with a quick stop to see Connie and Jack, twelve hours total, I came home in need of tender loving care from my family and ALL three met me where I was and were God's love for me.

Love.

Today was "art day" which is one of my favorite kind of day. The maturity of thinking, drawing and being of my classes makes it so.

My friend brought me her creative gift--a chicken stir fry and dumplings--and a container of rice. She is such a wonderful cook; she taught me how to ROLL sushi last spring. So tonight we'll have what we call "pick-pick" Melissa's stir fry and dumplings, a pizza that Olivia made David which went a bit astray and I doctored along with pineapple upside down cake--although, I am sure we are not going to turn it right side up--why?

Another surprise were homemade FEATHER earrings. One of my advanced artists gave me this gift as she walked out of class; I'm pretty choke-up-able these days and receiving the little box with these fun earrings made my day all the brighter.

Love.

It has been an incredibly WINDY day so we will hunker in; wanted to see the movie Courageous, but we all want to stay home as tomorrow my dad, David, Olivia and I will head west to Oakland City, IN to witness Uncle Jim's burial.

Peace.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011 10:40 AM CDT

Got word late last night that Uncle Jim passed away. Another great man who will be missed by so many upon this earth. God's timing is perfect. Easy to say, but hard to accept for those especially close.

Mom flies in tomorrow.

David is still pretty congested and miserable but rises to the occasions set before him. He is at Cornerstone today. Praying for his body's healing.

Olivia is in a major dump fest and looks behind on hydration so once TPN is finished we will be doing a bolus.

To Jesus.

Sunday, October 9, 2011 1:14 PM CDT

C. S. Lewis is probably one of my all time favorite novelists. His words are inspiring and heart wrenchingly hitting the depths which speak to the full horizon of life.

�We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.�
― C.S. Lewis

Time to get to the studio and finish some pieces. I have a friend helping me with a website to put up all my art goings ons to share, not much of a marketer. Would rather have someone come and make art along side of me than to buy a piece. It gives me great joy to see fruit of creative living.

TO Jesus.

Sunday, October 9, 2011 8:32 AM CDT

So thankful for the beauty of the day.

David is still in his asthmatic/allergy flare doing breathing treatments and laying low; he is slowly plugging through his school work; am proud of him. He just has very low energy and the medicine tires him. Hoping he can snap back into better shape this week.

He has a friend who is waiting for David to get better so they can celebrate his birthday--that is a sweet dear friend. Makes me smile.

Olivia has been nauseated pretty much every night now for a week or more. She calls for us to help her vent, pull with a syringe to get the contents flowing again. She also has not been her sharp self. Keeping a close eye on her making sure we do not have anything weird brewing.

Last night was peaceful and sweet. Thankful for my Dad. Thankful for Miss Donna.

To Jesus.

Saturday, October 8, 2011 8:15 AM CDT

Yesterday was a major catch rest down kind of day. David spent the day in bed doing all his physical science for the week. I had mentioned to Olivia as I was beginning dinner that we should play a game and she LIT up and said, RISK? She has grown into the game and it has been far too long since playing a game we all enjoy. It even brought David out of his bed and we had wonderful laughs.

It is Harvest Homecoming in our small little town; it is usually the highlight of our fall, but just not this year. David is hoping he can at least serve his Troop by tending to their booth Sunday late evening--the l a s t opportunity to work. We have not mentioned it to him or he will be obsessing over it. This is a kid who has done much but also has missed a lot due to his own sicknesses and Olivia's. He loves scouts and hates to miss.

BUT we are having our OWN great memory making times--Papa comes today with the dogs, we will celebrate that and be thankful.

4 more days until Grandma Logi!

We are blessed.

TO Jesus.

Friday, October 7, 2011 11:19 AM CDT

We are all home.

David is pretty sick with asthmatic flaring; Olivia had her own flare the last two days as well.

Lots to get back in order, but we are thankful to be together.

Tomorrow Papa will bring back Charlie and Velvet.

Wednesday is Grandma Logi's arrival....

To Jesus.

Thursday, October 6, 2011 7:15 PM CDT

Not sure how I finally found the author's screen; seems cb is changing things or discouraging the classic cb site users. Hope not; I don't have the energy to make a new cb.

David is very sick with congestion, allergies and asthmatic living. He has so much on his possible plate, but I'm going to keep it clear...clean.

Looking forward to our all being home together.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011 10:31 PM CDT

Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.
Archimedes

My children and I heard quote this tonight as we listened to Archimedes' life told in story.

Greek mathematician who flourished in Sicily. He is generally considered to be the greatest mathematician of ancient times. Most of the facts about his life come from a biography about the Roman soldier Marcellus written by the Roman biographer Plutarch.

Archimedes performed numerous geometric proofs using the rigid geometric formalism outlined by Euclid, excelling especially at computing areas and volumes using the method of exhaustion. He was especially proud of his discovery for finding the volume of a sphere, showing that it is two thirds the volume of the smallest cylinder that can contain it. At his request, the figure of a sphere and cylinder was engraved on his tombstone. In fact, it is often said that Archimedes would have invented calculus if the Greeks had only possessed a more tractable mathematical notation. By inscribing and circumscribing polygons on a circle, for instance, he was able to constrain the value of (pi ) between 3 10/71 and 3+1/7.

Archimedes was also an outstanding engineer, formulating Archimedes' principle of buoyancy and the law of the lever. Legend has it that Archimedes discovered his principle of buoyancy, which states that the buoyancy force is equal to the weight of the liquid displaced, while taking a bath, upon which he is supposed to have run naked through the streets of Syracuse shouting "Eureka!" (I have found it). Archimedes is also purported to have invented the Archimedean screw. Some of Archimedes's geometric proofs were actually motivated by mechanical arguments which led him to the correct answer. During the Roman siege of Syracuse, he is said to have single-handedly defended the city by constructing lenses to focus the Sun's light on Roman ships and huge cranes to turn them upside down. When the Romans finally broke the siege, Archimedes was killed by a Roman soldier after snapping at him "Don't disturb my circles," a reference to a geometric figure he had outlined on the sand.

Saturday, October 1, 2011 9:18 AM CDT

Dave's dad, "Papa Pete" passed away this morning. Dave and his mom, two sisters and brother-in-law were with him. Thankful for that.

It is hard to not be sad, what a sweet happy man he was. He is now the happiest he has ever been.

Please continue to pray for the St Louis family.

The kids and I are waiting to hear when to come.

To Jesus.

Thursday, September 29, 2011 8:55 PM CDT

Wanted to send an email to family and friends, then turned over to the colorful photos on my FB page but then again, I returned to my old friend...caringbridge.

In this ancient caringbridge site, I look up to their full motto.

caringbridge
Be There

Made me smile and sigh.

Dave and I felt it important that he head west and stop as needed to be closer to his parents; it was late as he had to tie up all the loose ends at work but Olivia's "to-go-dinner" and my packing and repacking for him, David carrying his daddy's bag we all gave him a send off.

Our knight in shining armor.

I must post a photo of Papa Pete and the children. It hangs on my hall wall and is a perfect reminder of his being in our lives.

David is supposed to camp out this weekend. It calls it the biggest camp out and is so torn, being 13 and sensitive is an interesting combination.

Olivia and I were to drive to HCA (Hillside Christian Academy) but will stay close to home as we most likely will be heading to St Louis early Saturday morning. David, too, will be one of those days which sting for him at first, but he will get it. He has had to "get it" for many years and as a youngin' himself.

So, tonight, I will paint and pray. The kids are watching TV together, having an almost celebration as they rarely have had time to just be together hanging out without David having his nose in a book, computer or paper.

To Jesus.

Thursday, September 29, 2011 6:50 AM CDT

Ah, today is Olivia's sweet friend's birthday. Maggie has been Olivia's knitting buddy for years now; they study Latin together as well. Happy BIRTHDAY, MAGGIE!

Yesterday was far better than Tuesday. Tuesday was a day we kind of "wrote off" but not--because there is no ever regaining such time again. I have to let go of days when Olivia is not feeling well and let her heal in her way that she does. Usually with DVDs, knitting (if not too ill), and major snuggle time with Velvet.

BUT...

Yesterday...she was up and at it; her last "flare" worked itself up over a course of 3 days so it was nice to see her out of bed and ready for a much needed shower, cello practicing and gathering herself for Foundations a co-op group meeting we do which covers Bible, Latin, math, history, geography, science, fine arts and grammar. When she and I returned David had worked hard on his studies and could tell needed some physical fun and they ran about outside before heading to TKD.

Olivia loves TKD. David, too, but so thankful that we have this opportunity for her. As I was telling Dave, Olivia could easily do whatever she wanted physically, but for the sport, physical activity to "fit" her persona I think TKD could be it.

Dave will head back to St Louis to help with care for his Dad; David has a camp out with Scouts this weekend then a sleep over with a sweet friend--so he'll be gone 3 nights; he is working hard to keep his studies under wraps.

That will leave Olivia and I home to be creative, clean and collect ourselves for the next week. Hoping to have some good time with Aunt Becca and her childrens....that always equals fun.

TO Jesus!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011 11:17 AM CDT

Olivia is up and at it today.

She is practicing cello and has had a bath ALREADY! That is MAJOR!
Thankful.

We are in constant prayer for our family in St Louis as well as our family in Fort Wayne, IN.

in Jesus' Name.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011 10:20 AM CDT

Today is GRANDMA LOGI'S BIRTHDAY!

We are hoping to have her HERE in a few weeks. Grandma is always a good time; makes us laugh, work and smile.

This morning Olivia was not feeling well. She is pulling out dark deep green green bile from her G tube and feeling overall crummy. So, she is in bed sorting socks with Velvet helping. Gets her moving a little bit, but still in bed. She offered to do them. Really, Olivia is a great help to me and I feel it when she is "down" and is unable to help out around the house.

With no Latin nor knitting today for Olivia, she and I will hunker down and do a little book school and finish watching a documentary on Frank Lloyd Wright.

David is off to his weekly "school" Cornerstone. He worked H A R D this week. Carrying four big classes has been a major eye opener to him. It takes careful time management. Pre-algebra is by far his most time consuming course, and Literature as well, but so far he is starting to get the hang of it all.

Continued prayers for our family in St Louis, family in Fort Wayne and my friend who traveled east to be with her mother who is very sick as well.

To Jesus!

Monday, September 26, 2011 8:05 AM CDT

These are indeed special days.

Dave was able to come home and celebrate the tail end of my birth--day; he even beat my Dad here!

Dave's dad is home being cared for by his family. It is a beautiful picture of love, quiet deep love.

It was a quiet day as I needed quiet time with the Lord. After breakfast in bed made by Olivia for David and me; I headed to the basement--what I now call "the studio" to finish several paintings. Am excited to have a local florist do an interpretation of a selected piece for a walking tour art show. It is not my goal to be out there and selling, producing art...but to teach, nurture, encourage other creative folks and if someone pursues me to do something like this, well, then, if it is the right time...I shall.

I love my time in the studio because it is time with my Father. It is also fun to take quick snaps and send to friends to show them the progression of a piece that I know is going to transform several more times before it is finished.

My art has always been like a journal of life's She-Glances--memories. Right now, I am taking the theme of Bottom Line___Love___ and responding and dedicating pieces to life long friends.

One I am working on now is for Rebecca; this large piece was "given" to her years ago, but I never felt it finished, but my goal is to finish it on the front and do a whole other face on the back side that she will know intimately it is for her. It will also be the piece the florist will interpret. I really feel I needed a deadline on this one!

It is all of my favorite colors and combinations so it will be a symbol of my presence in her home.

Love!

This is a less active teaching week which will afford my cleaning, sorting and moving around the house.

We continue to pray for Pete and my uncle Jim.

TO Jesus.

Friday, September 23, 2011 5:47 PM CDT

From Dave to my brother: Dad is really weak today but we are taking him home. Yesterday I thought we had weeks, today I think in terms of days. That is typical hospital: you wait, you pray, you realize your powerlessness, and you give it all to God.

Dave has sent two photos of his dad in his bed at home. His bed is by Pete's window where he watches his birds. Made me smile. He is home on Hospice and tender loving care from his wife, Bert.

Here in Indiana it was ART day. All three classes were fabulous; Olivia had her Maggie stay all day. David worked hard on his school work.

I am looking forward to a quiet weekend home to work in my art studio on several projects.

Thank you for your faithful prayers.

Thursday, September 22, 2011 9:06 PM CDT

Just spoke with Dave and his dad will be going home tomorrow with Hospice care. We are thankful for that.

David, Olivia and I have been home a lot this week in order to regroup with all that is happening, but last night I took them to their first TKD class. It was such a needed glimpse of future fun. Both were ignited by learning new things and I cannot wait until Dave and I can join in as well. Good family bonding time for sure.

We took a quick trip to the "farm" to visit friends; trying to get out there at least once a week.

Tomorrow is full art day here on the hill. Looking forward to seeing my Friday students; many of them have been with me for several years now and some new, but like dear old friends. I am truly blessed by this opportunity.

Dave and I want to thank those who have been praying for our family for several reasons.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011 8:53 AM CDT

Will TRY for YOU LOIS ANN faithful friend to change the photos more often.

It does seem like I'm in a different season and have the need to come here and share what is happening.

Dave's dad is not doing well; his kidneys are failing. Dave drove back from St Louis on Sunday and is contemplating driving back tomorrow.

So hard to see someone you love decline but yet so thankful for the many wonderful years and life lived. I am trying to stay in the thankful part of this.

David despite all that is going on went on to be inducted into Order of the Arrow and move on up to STAR Scout. We are very proud of him and he LOVES the Boy Scouts of America. He sees the value and works hard towards it.

Olivia's big thing right now is language. She loves Latin and we found out Mr. Bledsoe at Hillside Christian Academy where I teach two times a month can teach her F R E N CHHHHHHHH! She is ON it! She even has Dave in on it with her! FUN!

It is a rainy day; we have a commitment to do Foundations with two other families later this afternoon then both David and Olivia will be starting TKD--their choice and want. I am looking forward to time alone with Dave.

BUT it seems he will be leaving around lunchtime to head to St Louis.

Please pray for the DeKolds.

Monday, September 19, 2011 6:25 PM CDT

Our weekend turned out differently than anticipated but in the end it was beautiful.

Dave wrote several poignant emails while sitting and staying over with his dad in the hospital. Pete's kidney function is at 20% but even with numbers attached by men we know if God wants him around on this earth longer; HE is ABLE to deliver such a miracle.

David completed his Order of the Arrow while his dad was in St Louis with his grandpa in the hospital. He did well with his vow silence and self denial of little food. He worked hard on school all day Sunday and today to make up for his time Friday packing by himself for his camp out. Proud of my boy.

Olivia and I went to SPA Memphis! What a wonderful trip it was from discovering Pilot gas/food stations to attending Memphis' premier ART festival! I have to say probably the highlight for Olivia was Saturday evening curled up on the outside sofa telling all her stories for Dana and me; how Dana listened and validated and cherished Olivia is priceless.

The Lord takes and gives. Bless His Name.

After getting in from Memphis around 10 PM last night; we hit the road again this morning to Hillside Christian Academy. Olivia LOVES Mr. Bledsoe and his teaching her French is such a major BONUS. She loves the students there and wishes we could go every day--I have to agree with her.

On our way back we popped in and picked up David who was staying with Papa along with Velvet and Charlie.

So as soon as Dave and David return home from Scouts -- we will ALL be home again home again!~

TO Jesus.

Thursday, September 15, 2011 10:51 AM CDT

Deep days.

Dave's dad is not doing well. We are praying for peace and comfort.

David is in a major allergy flare brought on by the change of weather; this is a big weekend for him in terms of Boy Scouts. He was nominated into their Honor Society and this weekend he ha opportunity to be brought into the fold.

Thankful for my dad and his flexibility even as a 70 something man. All those years of elementary school teaching has so many perks. He is once again our ace in the hole; he can take David and pick him up from the camping and be less than an hour away if needed. David can then rest and try to stay up on school. Big lessons.

Olivia and I are heading down to Memphis. Olivia is blessed by a variety of "aunties"...Dave's two sister, Greg's Kim, but then several others placed all around this country.

Olivia cannot wait to see Dana and Renee again.

Please pray for Dave and David especially this weekend.

Driving long distances have always been very healing and pleasant for me; I look forward to time in the car with Olivia.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011 6:44 PM CDT

Our days are growing deeper and fuller.

Olivia had a couple of rough days from having a very full day. Her abdomen was distended and along with it being uncomfortable--in pain. She took the day off on Sunday and stayed home with Daddy while I took David and Jeffrey to church; then we switched as I stayed home with Olivia while Dave, David and Jeffrey awaited the return of Jeffrey's parents and two new sisters!

Olivia and I poured over the photos that Dave was sending to us minute by minute. It was hard to not be there again, as last time when the Vessels brought home Jadyn David was in the hospital with his broken leg.

Olivia has remarkable ways of coping with her "pain" and feelings. I am so blessed to call her daughter.

To Jesus.

Thursday, September 8, 2011 6:24 PM CDT

Much time has passed and with it growth and realizations.

I have come to know who my deepest dearest people are. Dave being my #1.

Dave and I are working hard at renewing and making our marriage new and real. A true and lasting kind of real love that I only ever dreamed about in times past. It is exciting to have such an explosion of living life at this point in life.

David plugs along with managing his time with his four classes at Cornerstone, plus being actively involved with Scouts and upping the practicing with violin. He is playing some tough stuff and I sit back and am amazed; he does it. Perseverance.

Olivia had a couple of tough days last week. It felt a bit lonely at first, but God provides people to step up and help when the time is ripe. I had just prayed for help and it was an old friend who came to our rescue so we could get urine to culture and David to violin all at once. Turned out that while I was with Olivia getting her taken care of--David was at violin close to passing out! The heat and too much of my bean burritos had him feeling pretty pale.

The antibiotics got us through the holiday weekend without an admission. Olivia was able to attend my (our) first day at Hillside Christian Academy in Western Hills. Velvet was able to go as well! We even squeezed in a visit with my "twin sister" Stephanie and her house of boys. Thankful.

We had a wonderful visit with our friends--always WAY too short, but will grab any moments with my dearests when I can.

Next we spent the evening with a couple of girls from 'round here which was healing and sweet--since the boys were in STL collecting some family heirlooms. Dave and David got to shoot guns with nephews, etc. All good, but was even better Sunday when we were all together again.

Tomorrow is my first day of art lessons here in my home studio. I could not even tell you how many years I have done this, but it is always a fresh blessing which oozes all over me--cannot wait to see them all and their sketchbooks!

We are very excited about building our home and some day we pray God will bless us with more land and a place--set up for big hoofed animals--in His time; Olivia wants it yesterday and I have to admit--I do too!

We love you, Uncle Jim and Auntie Midge.

To Jesus.

Sunday, August 21, 2011 9:37 AM CDT

It is a glorious day!

Dave took Olivia to worship with a dear friend in Louisville, while David and I have some much needed time alone together. Am looking forward to spending time with my boy hearing from him.

Sometimes I need to just step back and out of the race. I am there right now, out of the race and okay with it. I am learning to be all right with the unique different way that God has made me and that if I do not follow the handbook of church/people (and I'm not talking about the Bible) I end up more filled to the rim with HIM.

I am so thankful for a handful of my girl friends who have stuck by me through some of the more difficult times of my life.

This morning I was sent this timely poetry set to music by one of these beautiful woman--I am honored to call...sister.

Beautiful by Mercy Me

Days will come when you don't have the strength
And all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart
They'd see so much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Praying that you have the heart to fight
Cuz you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
But they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die!

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured
You are sacred
You are His

To Jesus.

Friday, August 19, 2011 8:05 AM CDT

LOIS ANN--we LOVE YOU!

Just as when a tree is cut we can look at its rings to see the story of growth, drought, and feast.

This journal is very much like that. There are times when Olivia's story is desperate and declaring the need for prayer (of course we know there is always need for prayer) and the entries seem prolific but when the author, herself is in her own kind of turmoil the writing may seem drought-like.

It is a beautiful thing to be broken; it is there if we are willing to change and grow we have opportunity to be better than ever.

Yesterday was a terribly great day.

On to Olivia news:

Received Olivia's labs from last week's clinic--was that just a WEEK ago--saying her VIT D is high.

All else looks great.

Last night all piled in the big bed Dave and I looking over David's syllabi from his classes we determined he better break out the books right then and there. Dave is excited to help with his pre-algebra; I am just excited to see how well he does.

Being home schooled is an awesome opportunity to learn from so many different angles. David has had scores of different types of learning experiences, teachers, tutors, but this is by far going to be more challenging than ever.

For David this is not about gathering information, spitting it out with a test score, but time management--as he only meets once a week with his "tutors" in small class environment; he is also taking courses that will stretch his grasp but mostly, he needs to KNOW he CAN do it. He has been told (and being like his mother--tends to believe it) that being home schooled is sub par.

So, I am very excited to be an interested parent to help get David off the ground and soaring.

Olivia demanded to start as well last night and was busily working beside me on her work.

So thankful.

and always to the ONE who MADE us all--JUST the way HE planned.

TO JESUS.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 11:47 AM CDT

Clinic last Thursday went very well.

Dr. Kocoshis was very pleased with height and weight gains!

Just a few more calories were added to her TPN to ensure she would continue on this growth path. With adolescence around the corner it was decided to meet back again around December to keep closer track.

This is all wonderful news.

School begins next week for us all. David will be taking 4 courses at Cornerstone Classical School on Tuesdays. He will meet with his tutors weekly and discuss, review and preview the coming week's work. He is excited and loves to be a part of a group.

Olivia will have something similar but on a smaller scale with our meeting with friends.

I will be teaching art on Fridays and pretty much everything else is going to be based around family and home.

Looking forward to seeing how God makes it all work, happen and come to be.

To Jesus.

Thursday, July 28, 2011 9:43 AM CDT

To say life has been action packed would be an understatement--EVEN FOR ME!

With David's 13th birthday, Sarah and now Lizzie's visiting, spending oodles of time with Matthew, swimming, flashlight tag, art, music...all of it...fullness.

David's birthday was a success.

The night before we walked with our neighbors and sat by their lake...Sarah and I stayed until midnight to say happy birthday...then he spent the night.

Early afternoon we had a yard full again, this time of the boy variety...all ready to play Lazer Tag! With some help from friends I was able to stay back and get pizza and other stuffs ready. I even sealed Mz Donna's canvas rug we all painted on at the Yard Festival, chopped up veggies to eat with the fresh batch of hummus...all wonderful additions.

But the biggest blessing was a phone call from Greg, Kim, Carolyn and Grandma Lodgie.

They are SAFE and in ISRAEL! To hear Carolyn say where she'd been and mom's tears of joy...just the VAST array of EMOTIONS yesterday was

really

overwhelming.

After the boys left Dave took David and two friends to the "gun" store and got David his 22. I do not know anything more other than it has trees and leaves on it where most would be wooden.

Then came an air soft battle and we finished the night off with flashlight tag--our 4th together while Sarah has been here.

Really will miss Sarah, Lizzie too, but have not had her nearly as long and have not had a chance to really spend time with her, but Sarah has fit right into our family...friends and has made this summer

wonder FULL.

Hoping to end their visit with a trip to the Bats tonight. Since they are two baseball girls--Sarah reminds me so much of me at that age...hoping we get to catch a fly ball...maybe even a homerun!?

To Jesus.

Saturday, July 16, 2011 9:02 PM CDT

Two in ONE day.

As David says, "Something to journal about, Mom."

The poignancy of an injury, pain is worthy of documenting.

Last night's flashlight tag was easy in comparison to the interrupted bike ride.

The sky was magnificent in the west and the south. The sun's setting was surrounded by several colors from the whole spectrum and the south with the tallest lightest poofiest happy clouds. It was these very southern clouds which had my attention and when I put on my break to slow the front wheel of the bike flew apart and I came flying over top landing first on my chest then crushing my glasses into my head...

Blood is always key for a dramatic ending and getting everyone's attention which at this point Sarah is riding back to get Dave and Olivia on the side of the road having rescued my glasses and pulled the bikes off the side now sitting talking in her most calm and motherly manner to her mother, me.

Which brings me to shock of pain, injury. Her way of speaking took me to Colyn Woods and how he would talk to Olivia about their "stuff" in such a sing song kind of way...sweetly saying words which would make anyone relaxed.

Up pulls Dave and David--David with his red first aid kit--quickly begins his work.

How great the children reacted and took such care.

Dave as always.

Feeling pretty beat up and with a pretty big week ahead of me.

Not in my power will anything happen.

To Jesus.

Saturday, July 16, 2011 5:11 PM CDT

Time to stop, think and remember.

Our trip to visit Connie and Jack and all of their family always takes me back to summers growing up as a midwestern girl.

All five children were became fast friends again in a matter of minutes and the heat took a detour long enough for us to be there and back before increasing.

Jackie and Amy brought Sarah down last night as she'll be staying for 2 weeks here. Last night Jackie recalled so much from our times together as kids to young adults which I had forgotten. He remembered the time they visited Montana and the rattle snake which was found in the chicken coop! We had a glorious evening as I took the children for a walk then home for my first time ever playing flashlight tag.

Flashlight Tag.

One of the biggest problems in this world today is we forget the simplicity of playing games and when we can those kinds of physical games like flashlight tag. For one, the kids were extremely happy that I would even consider playing, then the empathy which was shown me by Olivia because I was "it" first and really had NO clue as to HOW to get out of such a predicament. I learned new nuggets about each child as we played. How and where they hid, how they helped one another and how their excitement was infectious. I have to admit, I occasionally forgot that a great hiding spot was not the ONLY aspect of the game. You must "unfreeze" your team. Often I found myself in night thoughts...listening to the crickets, or trying not to be too hot under a tarp, or think about the possibility of spiders crawling all over me...until I was reminded to come "save" them from their frozen stature.

Summer time.

I believe this is one of the best ones for Olivia as a "kid"...swimming, playing in the water without stressing over each time we swim.

This week is big.

We are hosting the FIRST Yard Festival here upon the hill. Hoping to have student work shown, art being made, music heard and sung...people being together...

and love
abounding.

to Jesus.

Saturday, July 9, 2011 1:49 PM CDT

Today is a special day for me.

July 9, 1989, I went to Socialville Baptist Church out in Mason, Ohio for the first time. It was there that I heard something that I had never really heard before.

I heard about a God who not only was real, but wanted a relationship with me.

Thus ended my looking for the meaning of life, and where my life began in a whole new direction.

There are plenty of troubles to be had and plenty of mistakes to be done, but I know bottom line--Jesus loves me...despite me.

Being 47 years having lived on this earth it becomes more and more important to live life. When I say live life, I mean--touching people, being real, not that robotic machine like way we become from taking for granted there are other people around you who are struggling with and celebrating life. I want to remember that the "stuff" I do is not the only "stuff" there is...to be willing to step into other people's concerns, delights and moments and be present with them.

As I am drawn into or as some would say, called to, a different season in my life--my children's "stuff" becomes much more apparent.

Both David and Olivia unique in their life experiences are showing me perspectives which really challenge me to not place them into a box of "how-to-do-it" but to help them through it.

Recently I received a newsletter from a dear pastor friend who spoke things we needed "to do" and in true appreciation of just saying "it" in real spoken every day language, not flowering with a lingo which may or may not be completely understood, just...speaking to the heart.

Here is to just saying it, living it and being it.

for Jesus.

Thursday, July 7, 2011 9:24 AM CDT

Recently I was explaining Olivia to a friend who has never met her but he himself has met death face to face.

He said something about people who have seen death tend to live life's moments.

Olivia is one who squeezes every last drop of energy she has and puts it into action.

Yesterday was a prime example.

David, Olivia and I along with friends went to the "local" amusement park here in Southern Indiana.

I let her do the water park, (praying I do NOT regret that) and we rode rides. She and I rode the 2nd biggest roller coaster, but I have to say it was up there with KI's The Beast. It was brutal but she wanted to go with me and she did it.

She pushed through and onward--did have a piggy back ride out of the park, but wow.

I think she out did us all. ALL of us.

She continues to amaze me--the well from which she draws is truly lasting and real.

To hear her sing her songs with passion...she is a lover, but she is a fighter. A shark in the water and a tiger on land...

To Jesus.

Thursday, June 30, 2011 8:43 AM CDT

It amazes me how the sides of life are more vivid depending on factors of age and seasons.

Right now for me, personally, the way I see life is a bit too sharp, clear and the clean lines of images seem to penetrate my heart like needles of pain.

It is like this but not just this.

Olivia, my daughter, does her living every day with tubes set inside her body, bag hanging off of her--but really is victorious. I can read a follow-up letter from Dr. Kocoshis and his medical terminology "intestinal failure" which seems even more dramatic than this entry, but it is the bottom line of cold hard facts.

I can hear Olivia coming into my room before she enters as her pump has a soft rhythm that announces her arrival. Every morning she finds her backpack and rolls the 3L bag into the small black bag she straps to her.

She is no saint, not a perfect girl; she watches way too much TV these days but knits her way through each episode; she is just a mirror for me to look into as I try to relocate my footing--living with the thorn in my flesh.

Today is all about falling "in-love" again.

May we all.

To Jesus.

Thursday, June 23, 2011 10:15 AM CDT

Wonderful new day.

Olivia was hurting last night, got some relief before sleeping and her sleep switch turn on fast and completely as soon as I turned the lights down.

We slept together intertwined her hands on my neck and chest; I stirred around six in the morning and she spoke, "I feel better, mama...I can go to knitting."

I know I smiled and whispered another prayer and drifted back to sleep.

All morning she has listened to all her variety of music.

Crooked Still, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, Leeland, Matt Maher...she is relieved, happy and ready to press on.

I am breathing full breaths.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011 6:12 PM CDT

Wonderful days full of love and good learning for Olivia the kind of learning she does best: seeing, doing, touching...

David still off at Cub Scout Day Camp on Staff as a Boy Scout has left Olivia alone without her brother and made for week two with David a bit quiet. We were fortunate though, yesterday to make the drive and see him.

Afterwards with Matthew in tow headed back to the pet store where we got a few more items for the aquarium and learned more.

Yesterday being in the hot sun and probably Monday night's corn on the cob had her on the sofa all day and now bed.

Hard to see her struggle and not ABLE to do what she wants and loves to do.

Still hard for me to screech to sudden stop of living and meet her where she is, but I managed.

Tomorrow is knitting, one of her favorite times of the week...she just doesn't know if she could go even for an hour...so that tells me she is not feeling well.

Praying for a rest.

To Jesus.

Sunday, June 19, 2011 9:51 PM CDT

Need to be more faithful here.

The children are growing in ways beyond words for me at times but that is still no excuse.

Documenting has come more in the form of photographs and Facebook, but still that is no excuse--words still have their place.

David completed his week at summer camp where he was in classes; Dave too, as he took a canoeing class to help further the Troop along while Olivia and hung home being girls--lazy ones.

David spent two nights home then back to camp as "staff" and we girls are really missing him. Hoping to take a quick jaunt up to camp this week and visit to see him in action.

Was talking with a friend today about the time Melissa Cox taught me how to roll sushi; it was not just the fact she showed me how, but walking into her kitchen I could tell she had put time and effort, oh and a whole lot of love.

Tonight, Olivia had that same experience, well, I know I felt it too. Olivia was given fish yesterday as they were part of centerpieces for a grad party. You would have thought she was given the prize pony. She is like that, reveling in the simple parts and places of life.

Well, these fish all died over night; we had placed them in our tank, but not with the proper additions to the water.

So, I just emailed dear friend who gave them to her, just really to let her know and if she had any other fish she needed to be rid; we could try again, maybe a bit harder. Floating fish is never a good feeling.

Within an hour, her son--David's friend--13 year old son--mind you, was over setting up one of his fish homes in the tank with BUBBLES--(I'm sure it has something to do with air for the fish, but it has bubbles...)

He and I collected to stones, rocks from my gardens; Matthew set it up...and Olivia is rather taken by this act of love.

Nah, not random. I don't believe in random. Not part of my vocabulary.
I won't quibble over it; if people want to say things are random, so be it.

Meant to be kindness.

Phase two of the amazing fish habitat as I understand will be undergoing tomorrow evening, which will be a nice fracture from having a brother missing in action two weeks running.

Meant to be kindness.

Action Love.

Cool.

To Jesus.

Monday, June 13, 2011 7:19 AM CDT

Last week was Louisville's Suzuki Institute for Strings!

This was our second camp and it was more than worth the time, money and effort. Both children learned a lot and am anxious for David to come home from TWO weeks of Boy Scout camping so we can get back at that VIOLIN of his!

The teachers were extraordinary.

After sitting in on a couple of Olivia's master classes and gleaned some good nuggets I spent pretty much the rest of my time in David's various classes.

His technique teacher from Canada was a creative man who captivated the students each morning. Worked them hard and the last day made charges to the class...which were things I had been preaching to David...

1. iTouch needs to have ALL of his Suzuki songs also, other classical favorites.
2. YouTube searches for innovative violin pieces.
3. Listen to great music each day.
4. Go to live performances as much as possible.

I loved watching David on stage with this class. Attentive and ready.

His favorite was probably orchestra and his performance class. Performance class was FUN and yet meaningful. They performed "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".

His masters class was probably one of my favorite times of the day. One on one 15-20 minutes with a teacher. David and I both on the hot seat. Working through sections of a piece. Right away she grasped where David was in his violin playing. His largest problem is confidence. Pretty normal for an almost 13 year old.

She built him up and he soared. His first recital at this institute went VERY well.

Had a mom come to me from last year who said she could not get over how much David had grown. How focused he was this year, grown up. WHAT?

String camp for David was different for Olivia. Olivia had a "friend" to hang out with all week. Yes, she learned a LOT...she now can play many of her Book 1 songs along with violin in a different position, knows more about shifting, posture, new songs...AND she is applying all of this to hear playing.

David had opportunity to be "David DeKold"...not in anyone's shadow, not being moved through the ranks with a group, what he did--stood for him. Great...stuff.

So, now he is off to boy scout summer camp with Dave. They will be gone until Friday evening. Last night Dave texted me that a black widow spider was found in David and Clayton's tent. Thankful it was found and thankful that it did not deter either boy.

Olivia will spend the day at Papa's house as I run into the west side of Cincy to meet with an old friend. Mr. Bledsoe! He and I taught together years ago at NBCS and he has some possibilities to share with me concerning art.

The rest of this week will be spent holding to the home front. Art...SPRING cleaning (always) and visiting with friends...

To Jesus.

Monday, June 6, 2011 8:08 AM CDT

J*U*N*E!

Driving I65 South everyone zooming on their way...

I know that it was -just- ducks, but the visual was a bit too much for this mama.

I saw the mama duck feet up in the air, hit...dead...and a baby in the middle with its mouth open--calling--I can hear it; know it well having lived on a farm and raised many a ducklings.

Have to say, it brought out the inner weeping to the outside.

The melancholy part of me could take hold of this, flash onto the floor of CCHMC to the child lying sick in their bed, and making it all the more deep...the one who is alone...motherless...

Not a very uplifting entry.

As we drove in...we were listening to a song talking about THE Love which is more faithful than the morning...

May the time when the Lion and the Lamb rest together...come...but not until the time appointed.

Patience...

Faithfulness...

Goodness...

Purity....

Love.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011 10:41 PM CDT

Seems the perfect time to journal.

It is hard for me to document day to day events because it seems there are so many that permeate daily living.

Having my mom here was as always those deep special times. It always seems so short, but the time was lengthened purposefully. I am sure to capture certain times to hold close.

One had to have been when Mom, Olivia and I were "dressing" for the "Night at the Races" which was a gift from Olivia's homecare company. The three generations together...dressing one another...down to the right earring.

The day before mom left--we pulled the stops out. Toured New Albany; even had Charlie and Velvet with us for part of it.

I miss my parents...brother, but know they are...right there.

Always.

Tomorrow Olivia and I ride to Cincy Childrens for another "round of iron"...that is all right.

Looking forward to a new day...

to Jesus.

Sunday, May 15, 2011 9:20 AM CDT

WIsh I had a photo of the three in every season. The above winter scene will have to be replaced soon to refresh this page for spring's rebirth.

I also need to start the new caringbridge journal because this page is "stuck" and does not allow me to change the information.

Grandma Lodgie's visit has come to an end; we have had a wonderful time of saying the deep things; she has seen David is his new skin as an almost 13 year old boy. BOY, has this BOY changed over the last few months!

I am resolved that our family IS different. We go and do things outside the home; we stay home, but always something happening. I am THANKFUL for this.

It also brings on a sense of stress that I am not meeting the needs of e v e r y one in my life. That is not possible; I know that nor is it my responsibility.

When my mom is "in" I tend to try and BE with her as much as possible; time is so short, I do not have her right next door, or within any reasonable distance. It is just as it is...far.

But a new chapter needs to begin. Monday we will "restart" school. David is finished at Cornerstone for science but needs to begin working on math, and composition over the summer. Violin and scouts a common factor to keep him balanced.

Olivia's needs will be more spelling, composition, handwriting, reading, math...CELLO and knitting...always knitting.

It is COLD here. 50s. It has snapped us into a new mode of heavy sweatshirts and warm tea.

To JESUS!

Thursday, May 12, 2011 9:05 AM CDT

This has been such a discombobulated week. We all were in such different directions but in a few hours we will all be back together.

Grandma had a great visit with Connie and Jack and her sister, Midge and brother in law, Jim. She was away a full week and we missed her, but always love when she comes back together so we can hear first hand news about people we love dearly.

Dave was in Seattle for work and was prayed into a jump seat. Speaking with my friend this morning and hearing her diligence of prayer for my family humbled me, convicted me and inspired me.

David will be dropped off by this friend in a few hours. He has spent the week with his "other" family. There he has a wealth of sisters, younger and one older and two brothers, too! It is good for him to see the machine of a big family because I do believe that one day he will want one for himself. He is able to observe and be a part of something very special. He and his "brothers" were able to be a help to another friend which in the scheme of things is far greater than any book learnin'.

Olivia continues to grow in excitement over the walks we take, the wildlife we find and the ideas and dreams she has.

I am in a very quiet place. Looking for what Jesus wants me to be for today.

So thankful for all the people in my life. I was thinking, I'd rather have all the beautiful friends than the most extravagant home or things money buys.

Because really, it cannot buy you love and to take it a step further. Cannot buy you loving people.

To Jesus!

Monday, May 9, 2011 7:02 PM CDT

Each day has been so full, not necessarily always of big plans, but marveling at His Creation.

Olivia and I have been in Indianapolis for SGNA conference representing The Oley Foundation. SGNA is basically a group for GI nurses. It has required an over night in Indy and afforded us a quick overnight visit with my cousin Nancy and her dear family. It was good to be there and feel that cousin love.

Dave is in Seattle for work; David with our dear friends "The Vessels" and not sure when I will retrieve him at this moment. Grandma Lodgie comes back via Connie's driving her and Olivia and I will be home tomorrow night after a day in Indy.

We came home to be home tonight.

Just as our neighboring vendor and I commented that almost two hours is a commute for a lot of folks in larger cities. He so happened to be from Mountain View--a nearby neighborhood of Greg's "work" home. Was fun to talk "California" and all other wonderful places of this country.

Learning!

Always learning.

Olivia is doing well. David is growing incredibly tall.

...and I do believe warmth is here.

to JESUS.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 10:26 PM CDT

Sometimes life is so big each day that it is overwhelming to put it into words.

So much has taken place in this month; so many surprises; some good and some not so good.

Center for Courageous Kids vastly charged us with a love for one another and for those who are like us, but maybe different. I was able to meet friends I have chatted with via the internet AND via phone for the first time.

Olivia rode horses, bowled, swam and played basketball. She had so much fun in HER way. It is definitely something I want to attach my efforts.

We came away with new friends and deeper friendships having had some fun times together.

Hoping to write a longer account for the Oley Foundation newsletter so more children and their families can experience what we did.

Olivia's celebration week has come to an end. Never before have we celebrated her birthday with such fanfare. Wednesday was an open house for some folks and Saturday she had a "girl party".

Grandma Lodgie has been a good sport and holding down the fort as I have needed to flit down the hill.

We had the most relaxing and natural Easter ever. Natural Easter? With all the continuous storms, and busy season for me especially we opted to be home, reflecting along and together. We had a low key meal, watched a phenomenal documentary, The Star of Bethlehem that Grandpa Jerry sent us several months ago; I finished a piece of art, played games together and took a late late afternoon almost evening walk with Olivia and Charlie. We were greeted by Dave joining us on the other side of Lee.

Monday back to the grind and David had a violin lesson. There we decided on which piece David will play for the Suzuki camp this June. As always, the lesson was entertaining and deep thoughts. David's teacher teaches using analogies, dry humor and encouragement. All good stuff, always fun to sit in on lessons.

Tuesday Olivia went to "Knittin'" and David run down for science class, when I picked Olivia up I had to come to the back yard of Miss Betsy's to watch Maggie and Olivia perform a "show" they had practiced after knitting. I remember that it was so nice to be OUTSIDE and no rain.

Olivia's cello lesson followed knitting and having had such a busy week last week had NO idea what "I" was in for concerning being prepared.

After Olivia's run through of a Twinkle she moved to tonalization which sounded as if she had never picked up a bow before but then she played her C scale she had practiced and it was beeeeuuuuuteeeeeful! Next came, "The Happy Farmer" which LAST week we called it "The DEPRESSED FARMER".

Tuesday, the farmer was indeed happy and so happy that he would have been passed if Olivia had remembered a bowing! I was blown away with how much she had accomplished. She always surprises me.

Then began our adventure to Cincinnati.

After racing over to pick David from Science, we popped home to pick up TPN, let the doggies out one more time and grab anything else.

We were able to see just a handful of the 21 folks who had showed in Fields Ertle, but the next morning did have breakfast with DAVE HIRSCH, Rosella and JOYCE, plus Mom, Dad and David and Olivia.

Once finished we ran over to Stephanie and Papi's to have a very relaxing visit, needed, WAY too short time, but got to be there...

A nice dinner with Karen Schuler and we also enjoyed interviewing our waiter! What great fun it is to talk with people.

Clinic was today with Dr. Kocoshis. All of Olivia's labs came back PERFECT with the exception of HYDRATION and IRON, both of which have been rectified. The talk with Dr. K. was really out of all of us being relieved. I could tell the dietitian, and our new nurse just taking time and visiting with Olivia; it was all about her. Good stuff. Olivia interjecting naturally sharing about her knitting.

At one point I mentioned Olivia's ileostomy and what a blessing it has been. Dr. K. had JUST had a dream about having an ileostomy. That had Olivia in outward smiles and giggles. We all agreed that G Tubes really should be all the rage. Olivia shined. Fluids are key, proper TPN, too.

I am practical. Keep it simple. Olivia's G-Tube needs to be changed out but she does not want to do it. Going to have NS send us some "numbing cream" which makes Olivia very comforted.

After a meeting tonight, I visited Miss Donna. We saw a double rainbow--FULL SHOW...together.

Thank you, Jesus.

To Jesus.

Sunday, April 17, 2011 8:21 AM CDT

This part of April is deep. Add Palm Sunday, passover, and Easter...and it is deserves reflection, stopping and looking around yourself.

Why this part of April deep?

Was it 7 years ago, that I sat on the bed with boy who barely was a teenager...dying. I remember distinctly dropping off a dish at a friend's house and saying I could not stay for her "Thunder" party...someone was busy dying and I needed to be there.

Matthew still to this day taught me so much about life as he and I sat on his bed talking about living.

It is the day he died that Olivia in 2002 received her tubes, and all that she has today. It was toward the end of that hospital stay that I met Matthew's mom, Darla.

God, You -are- a m a z i n g.

Amazing is word that I truly believe needs to be left to describe the ONE who truly is...amazing.

Learning more about oneself can be painful but it is also a way that God shows us how to "be" more like Him.

Over the last few years I had denied and tucked away the scary parts of life only to realize they will always be there and need to be confronted with God's Grace.

So, this week not only will we celebrate the NEW LIFE in the DEATH of our Lord but celebrating the beauty in the ashes of living with a chronic disorder that is life threatening, medically challenging and ever changing.

Olivia will be 11 years old on Wednesday. How can I hold back the tears?

When I think of the freshly new 2 year old with all her tubes, ostomy, pumps, nurses, doctors, rooms with sliding glass doors...I -am- in awe.

She knitted her first project ON HER OWN by reading a pattern yesterday. She has been following patterns for some time but with the help of Miss Betsy.

There are parts to Olivia that are a bit more spicey or crunchy than what I'd like her to be...but there are also the tender places that are so vulnerable...and I know God is making her to be what and who she needs to be. . .

to continue to be His Light.

Thankful.

To Jesus.

Thursday, April 14, 2011 8:20 PM CDT

It has been too long since updating the journey.

Realizing I tend to tuck, hide and deny the full picture makes it a bit more painful.

We did make it to the Center for Courageous Kids family retreat weekend. The time was spent in woodworking, playing basketball, crafting, swimming, HORSEback riding, and lots and lots of time with friends.

Watching Olivia attempt basketball was something to behold. Playing with "normal" kids I saw how fragile she is; not something I seek.

Am anxious to help out with bringing funds and awareness to such a beautiful, wonderfully fun and safe place.

Sunday, April 3, 2011 8:05 AM CDT

What a WEEK!

It has been a whirlwind of emotions, driving to Cincinnati three times in a week, trying to maintain where I am supposed to be when, where, why. . . David at Papa's house was a help and a blessing to both Papa and David.

Yesterday Dave took Olivia ice skating. They held hands and had a wonderful time until the end when she took a nasty fall on her knee which ended the 2+ hour skate. I was up in Cincinnati at a home school convention and was receiving updates, visual, audio and text. Today her knee still "hurts a little bit" but she is walking! It was a hard hit for sure.

The convention was JUST what the MIGHTY DOCTOR ordered for me. Just like anything in life we can become quietly lazy, tired, unconcerned. . . and I was a bit of all but am ignited again with the BEAUTIFUL responsibility of having my CHILDREN home and LEARNING.

Walking past music vendors and art vendors I was blessed to know that we really do cover those basis on a day to day, natural level. Excited to study US history next year, more Latin, more science and read, read, read. . . and math...living, learning, all of it. . . rejoicing and celebrating the gift of being a mom who can stay home and do these things.

This next week is another "barn burner" in that Tuesday I'll drive up and stay the night in Cincy area so Wednesday AM I can pick up Lisa and Laura at the airport, hang with them at RMH and go to clinic Thursday AM.

FRIDAY is CENTER for the COURAGEOUS Kids CAMP! We are SO excited to after many years -- meeting MORE friends.

Please be in prayer for The Bells, my brother as he is traveling to Israel, Olivia to get back to her baseline, for dear friends who are adding to their family two more beauties from China, my mom as she travels here next week and Jerry as he'll be "home alone". . .

To Jesus!

Friday, April 1, 2011 8:08 PM CDT

Feeling much better.

My friends are such a help to me. Overwhelmed by the outpour of concern for Olivia.

She bounced back and I think even felt a bit better today. I on the other hand was still reeling a bit over what I saw in her last night.

As my mom said, how many times can a heart be broken? Really, when I think about how many times I must break my Jesus' Heart.

Olivia popped out of bed and the next thing I know it is she carrying Dave's BIG macbookpro around listening to her Odyssey and carrying up clean clothes from the basement. Hmmm....I do think she feels better.

She took it easy while I taught art and is now conspiring to have Dave take her skating tomorrow.

We shall see.

To Jesus

Friday, April 1, 2011 2:42 AM CDT

April 1, the beginning of a new day a new month. A day that calls all fools.

I pray I am not a fool. Foolish at times, maybe, but please no fool.

Olivia over the last few months has progressively run out of steam. Yesterday we drove to Cincy Childrens for some hope in a little IV bag called "iron". The drive we both agree went quickly as I had a great in depth talk with my mother. We talked around the world and into Heaven. All the while, Olivia was listening in and out of sleep.

Upon arriving on the "floor" we were immediately greeted by a nurse who had discharged us in 2002 after Olivia's diagnosis, major surgery stay. Amy remembered so much about us and made it clear we were going to have a good day. All the nurses were fantastic, caring and although once Olivia was medicated and not much for talking--were so great with her!

It was a glorious day to be in Cincinnati. The city was happy and it bubbled over even into the hospital as many were wearing their "red" and ready for a win.

Olivia counted all the people who had their Cincinnati Reds t-shirts.

We drove down Vine Street as Olivia was feeling all right and I just needed to see an "old" friend. Vine was alive with red as well and once we were on the interstate found that she was in a powerful sleep.

By the time we go home her head was pounding and she was just plain sick. Got her situated in bed and did a few quick chores and entered Olivia's world.

I watched two of her favorite shows with her. Electric Company and Kratt Brothers. I was blown away by the amount of creative teaching and overall great messages. Electric Company always seemed like a loud version of something, but I was delighted to see the message which was being shared. The brother and sister relationship was so pure and well, a picture of how I hope my children relate at that age. Olivia did not think it was corny at all. She said her and David would be like that. Warms this mother's heart.

All the while Olivia gave me blow by blow as to what the show was about; I was amazed at her intuitive and sensitivity to the message being presented. Her sense of right and wrong, her moral code, if you will is far more intact than mine ever was--and wonder if it would ever be? The little ditties sung in a "rap" fashion were absolutely delightfully clever. I was convicted deep down having said on occasion that I did not like Electric Co as it "seemed" (shame on me for never having sat down and watched it to REALLY be able to determine) very loud, stupid and pop culture.

I realized too, that Olivia would not watch something that was not good. She is pretty much a quality kid.

So, I stopped the world, entered Olivia's world truly for the first time in what seemed like ages, because she needed me to and although it was a difficult afternoon, evening. . . it was by far one of the best we've had in a long time.

I am being constantly reminded of what Patty said to me in response to my saying, So thankful our children brought us together (we both knowing full and well, it was our Heavenly Father), and her words were,

Beauty from Ashes.

The beauty seen from the ashes yesterday was by far some of the most tremendously amazing human walking this earth stuff I've seen in a while.

As Dave was driving home I called to give him a heads up, to sum it all up. . .

Olivia is so gracious. In her hardest hours, she invited me in, engaged me, lived on, pressed on. . . and I sit amazed, yet again.

Saturday, March 26, 2011 4:52 PM CDT

Out and about yesterday we found ourselves in downtown Jeffersonville.

There is a little "yarn" shop named Grinny Possom there; it is a shop filled with yarn, needles, yarn and knitting people.

This was our second visit in two weeks.

There was the same woman there working on her sock and inquired again as to what Olivia's name was. Olivia and I scanning the place for the right yarn, well, affordable yarn for her $10.

This delightful woman said, "I really am not listening to all you say with your daughter, but I have to remark that I love how you two talk with one another."

That blessed me.

Then as Olivia went deeper to the back of the shop this same woman looked at me and put a fist to her chest and beat it two times and mouthed, "I love her."

Cool people. Very open and willing to say what she loves.

I told Olivia; a few more years and I'll drop her off to spend the day there knitting and talking with her "other" people...it is a language I do not understand.

To Jesus.

Thursday, March 24, 2011 9:22 PM CDT

Almost a week since I updated and it seems that there is plenty on the "medical" front to disclose, but was not really sure what was going on until the last few days.

The clinic we had last Thursday was a good thing; I knew Olivia was not herself and it seemed she has been loosing weight. Her output (stuff coming out of her ostomy and/or G or J tube has increased greatly and she fell a bit behind on a couple of fronts.

So, her TPN bag is now enormous giant size at 3400ml plus an added Liter each day to be infused. So far we are getting the job done and she is feeling better.

Tonight, she is over on the floor venting asking me if it is all right that she pulls everything out of her stomach. A full Liter was pulled out in one sitting. So much for the Liter we infused of normal saline.

But...

We had a great day. We have Killian with us. I could write a book about today, although it was so gloomy outside and slow starting, mid day we all went to David's violin lesson, stopped and got Killian and David ice cream and headed over to paint pottery.

It is the kind of place where you pick out some pre fabricated piece and paint it. It was glorious. All four of us, quietly working, talking here and there; Olivia was the "helper/teacher" as I was too engrossed on what I was doing to even look up at everyone.

We walk out to find a flat tire.

Flat tires are blessings.

It forced us to discover who can curl their tongue, raise eyebrows, wiggle ears, and really, Killian is an amazing wonder boy! We giggled, laughed, and I faded into the background and the three of them make their way.

Would appreciate prayers for his amazing mom's travels to faraway places; for his step dad to maintain all what needs to be cared for here and that the rest of our time with Killian will be nothing but pure delightful memories...to be tucked away into our pockets and brought out again on gloomy hard days.

To Jesus.

Friday, March 18, 2011 11:24 AM CDT

Wednesday after a quick field trip to listen and view the Louisville Orchestra rehearse with several of my art students, David, Olivia and I headed to Cincy.

We had to stop at Grinny Possom to pick up the needed wooden needles for Olivia's "other" sock. She finished her first "real" sock using metal needles and for you yarn people, that is hard. She calls it her "Victory Sock". It was fun at the shop as there were several knitting ladies around the tables in awe of the almost 11 year old who knits not only socks, but doll sweaters, etc. It was a boost for Olivia.

Kids and I spent Wednesday evening tucked into the hotel room.

Thursday's clinic was a blessing in that we reconnected with a nurse we knew from the beginning and she is back in this clinic. WHEW! We also talked with Olivia's new nurse who had to go to a meeting; both were very attentive and remembered more of my concerns than I did!

GOOD!

The down part is that Olivia lost 1.5 lb since December and in talking during clinic Olivia disclosed that she has the side pain as well as the nauseated feeling from the bile. She vents a lot each day, energy is way down so we will pump with extra fluids until new TPN gets here and take it easy.

She looks way too skinny to me.

Lots of labs pending and once we know we can move a bit further.

I am so blessed by great friends who reach out, know when I need them. . . it is really a boost to get to chat even for a minute, text for information. . . and just be "touched" by you. . . thanks for your care.

Olivia during clinic really has a clinic posture. She is like a cornered cat in many ways. If you say something wrong or get too close to something she does NOT want you to touch (tubes) she lets you know. All WELL in a typical KID response; nothing weird, but David and I totally pick up on it.

As soon as we were tucked back into the car and I reached over to pet her underchin she reaches up and strokes my hand too. . . all is well.

She is spicy and feisty when needed, loving always close to the surface.

The sunshine is such a welcomed long lost friend.

To Jesus
Sh

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 10:38 PM CDT

Not yet having opened any of the boxes Connie packed and delivered to me on Monday, I noticed the black scarf with gold flecks resting on top; it was meant for my mom.

I needed something warm about my neck; I wanted to have a physical piece of love wrapped on me. Doubling it, looping it; it kept me warm all day, safe all day, and my dear friend's perfume with me all day.

In a hermit mode, I can be a very great extrovert but I am an excellent introvert.

Which ever it is...all to Jesus.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 6:59 AM CDT

Another rainy day it seems.

Big days before us, but that is all right. Helps to keep our hearts busy on other matters.

Thursday is clinic. Not so sure there is anything that will help Olivia and her major level of venting she is doing now. It seems she is coming back around a big circle which she has been on for several years. What her body is doing now--was going on years ago. Makes me sick to think about it.

BUT she continues to do ALL her care after bath, HOOKING UP, and placing her OVERNIGHT cath. SHE is a KNITTING machine and overall just a happy girl.

So, will shake off the rain, the headache it gives me and enjoy the moments.

TO Jesus.

Friday, March 11, 2011 5:56 PM CST

Dave has the kids in St Louis visiting his parents; I have the WHOLE entire house to myself, sharing only with furry creatures and a feathered one, yes and the tadpole, but he hardly makes himself known.

A full day of three art classes and two flute lessons has me amped up and creatively charged, but know I need to pace myself for I hope to do much this weekend in regards to being creative.

I so love my students; I know that that is a gift from GOD, to be able to LOVE other people's children to such a depth. Some break my heart into pieces (in good ways) and some make me want to jump up and down and cry out for them (in a good way), really, I can honestly say that all of them are so uniquely beautifully made and what they bring to the studio table is electrifyingly exciting!

Next week I will take the kiddos up to Cincy for a quick overnighter; clinic and hoping to meet up with some high school friends for a quick visit.

The following week we have K I L L I A N here, to say I'm anticipating his visit would be the understatement. Olivia and I have "small" plans. . . and she is always happy to have another "brother" in the house.

To Jesus.

Thursday, March 10, 2011 7:48 AM CST

Olivia is a quiet hero. Her battle can only be won with the warrior spirit from God.

Her abdomen was so loud last night; so much going on in there which made me think she had a whole apartment house plumbing inside of her.

Anxious to see Dr. K next week and see if there is something we can do; I also am open to the fact that this is a new season, but still we need to look at options.

We were approved to attend the family retreat weekend at Courageous Kids Camp in April. This is wonderful news in that we will be able to meet several families we have loved from afar for MANY years. Amazing.

It still rains.

TO Jesus

Saturday, March 5, 2011 7:28 AM CST

Life is bitter sweet.

This morning while in the Saturday bed with my daughter, boys all gone now, we listening to music and I journaling.

We had a wonderful night of boys, brothers staying the night but now they are all gone to help the cub scouts at their Pinewood Derby. So, quiet. I love those boys as if they were close to being my very own. So blessed to have such in our lives.

So back to the Saturday morning, listening to Bob Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man", I am transported to a wonderful place called childhood.

I tell Olivia, I grew up on this, and he wrote "When He Returns" now there, I receive the "up-brow" approval from my daughter. She has been taught that music is personally deep and not just anything is okay. "When He Returns" is probably one of my favorite songs ever written that says it all about God, to our human frailty and the fact, that He indeed is going to return, ready or not.

Childhood, I look at mine and I look at my own children's. Mine was full of security and love and consistency. It can make my heart bleed tears to know that my parents no longer live together and are married, but that is where the bittersweetness of life comes in--how God can take hard, sad places and bring forth wonderful colorful blessings.

I would have not known Jerry Criswell. I deeply respect Jerry and his what his life has stood for, how he is strong in faith and belief. I would have not had late night talks with his daughter, nor ever met Cindy. I would have never known California in the places I have, I would have never been my daddy's all.

It has shown my children that they "come from" imperfect people, something that I did not realize until I was much older...did not come apparent really, until I was in my 30s.

So today is another Saturday with my girl. We have plans. Plans have we.

Ice skating, school picture shopping and Asian market.

When He Returns
------Bob Dylan

The iron hand it ain't no match for the iron rod
The strongest wall will crumble and fall to a mighty God
For all those who have eyes and all those who have ears
It is only He who can reduce me to tears
Don't you cry and don't you die and don't you burn
Like a thief in the night, he'll replace wrong with right
When he returns.

Truth is an arrow and the gate is narrow that is passes through
He unreleased His power at an unknown hour that no one knew
How long can I listen to the lies of prejudice ?
How long can I stay drunk on fear out in the wilderness ?
Can I cast it aside, all this loyalty and this pride ?
Will I ever learn that there'll be no peace, that the war won't cease
Until He returns ?

Surrender your crown on this blood-stained ground, take off your mask
He sees your deeds, He knows your needs even before you ask
How long can you falsily and deny what is real ?
How long can you hate yourself for the weakness you conceal ?
Of every earthly plan that be known to man, He is unconcerned
He's got plans of his own to set up His throne
When He return.

To Jesus.

Thursday, March 3, 2011 6:33 AM CST

The sun will shine again today; it helps bring hope to a new day.

Seems that the focus lens is sharpened and many of life's details are very clear and poignant.

Yesterday morning we had an hour of delight with a visit from Auntie Midge and Uncle Jim. There we each had time to talk together; I got to enjoy my uncle being him, talking of water, I love listening to his perspectives and learning from him as my Aunt listens to the smaller details of David and Olivia's lives with interest and love. Olivia played her cello; David his violin and as usual once he starts he wants to keep playing. . .

I hated to see them go, but was glad for the shared space we had.

A new surprise this year has been a woman, now a friend whose daughters come for lessons; she invited us down to "learn" sushi. She introduced this old girl to some flavors of Korea. I'm in love! I now know how to make sushi and saw a new way to consider it. The kitchen was full of bowls of beautiful freshness. . . soup, lettuce wraps, sushi, flavors...

Hopping back into the car, dropping David home and Olivia to her precious Mz Betzy.

I running over to Louisville to grab music needed for today's lessons. Listening to a beautiful woman's voice who was introduced to me, Eva Cassidy...blue skies, the roof window open, singing, tears, feeling loved.

Missing friends and family. Mom is coming in April; we've begun plans with friends for next fall. . . needed.

Thankful for iVideo, for APPLE products...my MacBrother who is generous, music that can say what I cannot, friends who know just when to reach out.

In two weeks we'll go for clinic; my girl needs something more. . . just not sure what. . .

Wind don't blow so hard, let the sun's warmth reach my bones today. Need the Warmth of the Son.

To Jesus...it is all His.

Sunday, February 27, 2011 10:39 PM CST

Being thankful is easy in the whole of the scheme.

But there are moments, human moments in which pieces seem missing, where the spiritual glue your heart desires has been misplaced.

Then He sends a kind word. I am encouraged. Someone has peeked inside and remembers.

She has been doing all it takes by herself; I don't watch. I trust her.

Time is demanded; so there I sit while she does what it takes for her to be able to sleep. Using her toes of one foot, two hands and a mirror. My daughter places her own catheter.

I pretend to be watching the DVD about Greece. I say what I always do; I'm proud of you.

The time is demanded and given and toenails are painted in multi-non-objective.

We hold hands and she falls asleep.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011 10:08 AM CST

School looks differently than I imagined.

Olivia is interested in cooking and baking so; we cook and bake. I taught her my easy spinach, mushroom and garlic dish. She has baked chocolate chip cookies and a chocolate birthday cake for our dear friend Benjamin, who turned 24 yesterday!

She knits and plays her cello, but stops and syringes out her G and J tube into a urinal.

Gave her extra fluids yesterday but evenings are just not good and she's come to a time where she is dependent on wearing her "bags" and that will be a new place to visit.

She is hooking up TPN and learning to place the overnight cath.

Got a clinic for March and am talking to her pharmacist who is the best. We are so fortunate and blessed.

Today we will visit the Louisville Orchestra's rehearsal with two friends. So excited to share this experience with our friends.

To Jesus.

Monday, February 21, 2011 6:43 PM CST

Strange for Olivia.

She is still running on empty.

Will email Dr. K and see if we can draw labs and look at "her" that way before doing anything else.

It amazes me what she does with not feeling right. Her cello practice today was excellent.

I asked her, if she considered the fact she is a cellist.

To Jesus.

Saturday, February 19, 2011 3:36 PM CST

Was a runner, one who was not slow to move from point A to B. When one has children you slow down while they are babies; toddler - first walkers a new pace is introduced.

David cautious and Olivia one who never walked, but ran until she was hooked up to tubes draining and feeding her; my pace changed.

I realized it again today as I wanted to run home, not walk at the slow pace of a girl whose side hurts, whose head is tilted to denote that indeed pseudo obstruction will dictate no matter how hard we try not...

We are jerked back and forward; how to solve not falling back into a pace that will kill the life of living?

Hopefully, it will only last for another day and I can chase after my beauty as she rides her bike along the contour of our knobs.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011 7:03 AM CST

Valentines Day 2011

The children and I spent the day at Paoli Peaks Ski Resort. It is NOT Sierra at Tahoe at all, but it is what we have close by and both David and Olivia had a great time.

I stayed back and enjoyed great conversation with an old friend and working on a few little loose ends; got caught up on my Bible reading for Mondays and well, just had a FUN day.

Watching not just my own children but other children that I love so much having fun, accomplishing major feats of learning something new and NOT giving up. . blesses me beyond.

Skiing really reveals one's true personality. David is cautious and a great teacher; he spent time helping his friend learn. If I was half the friend of David. . .

Olivia was gone! She latched onto others who can ski like her and was GONE.

It is where I have to LET go of it and know that Olivia is a smart girl and knows her body and knows she would have to seek help if needed.

They went out at 10 AM; came in at noon for lunch. Olivia was first to be ready; helps that she does not eat!

She was out on the slopes from 12:30 - 6:00 PM! WHAT? She came in to "check-in". . . whew. I saw her and the boys ski off the lift a few times, but other than that; she was NOT coming around the lodge; nor was David!

Around 7:00 PM she came in and sat down and looked like she had lost weight. Her face was boney but beautiful as usual, and she was exhausted.

She still sleeps this morning; David too, but that is his normal nature.

When I told my friend that Olivia was still out there and we both agreed she was going to be tired today. . .

The essence was: Live today, who knows, we may not even need that energy tomorrow--Jesus may return.

When HE Returns!

To JESUS!

Friday, February 11, 2011 8:15 AM CST

Every time I come to journal and I see that photo above, it takes me back to a very "happy" place. It has been a very long time since experiencing the emotions and situations of that time in Tahoe. True blessings from God, it is as if He took our order card and made each of our heart's desires to come true.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to "talk" about my niece which I love to do; don't we all love sharing about the ones we love? My heart began to ache. It is just so good to know that I love her and she loves me and no amount of miles could ever take that away, no lack of consistent moments together, as our love runs deeply.

David now has a violin to test for the week. It is a FULL sized violin and it sounds wonderful. His is playing Bach on it and it takes me to another place that can never be stripped away from me. The first portion, when he plays, is as if he was born to play Bach. He certainly has heard plenty, but his interpretation is mature. Good music.

I entered Olivia's lesson a bit later and she was already working on her next song; she is to polish her current then move onto the next. She is a cello learning machine! She is proving to me so many things. She has a GOOD ear!

Priceless.

Last night was good, having felt a bit empty from the day. . . in a strange way--thankful for my friends.

We may be having a visitor in March! I am praying and hoping this could happen; a DREAM come true for me. I love having my "children" around me--my "nieces/nephews" that people have graciously given to me. I am the old woman who lived in the shoe and had so many other peoples children--she KNEW WHAT to do!

In turn, I asked Olivia if she would like to go to Steph's house and stay a few nights, ALONE without me. Her FACE lit up, then as fast as it did, it diminished with fear. . . but, you would be so far away. . . and I still have to learn to cath. . . and. . . oh but I would so love to be with Stephanie, Papi, KOREY (duh), and KODY. She LOVES these people like her own. TPN would NOT be a problem as they ALL are on it. . .she would be close to Cincy; it would be a great transition for her. . . when she is ready.

I am so blessed with people.

Thankful.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011 8:04 AM CST

Dave and I celebrated our 14th--or is it 13th wedding anniversary on Monday; it all depends on who you are talking to whether it is 14 or 13. It was a day like others; Scouts, my Monday night art with my two students. . . we'll celebrate with dinner and movie Sunday afternoon.

My brother had a birthday yesterday; not sure how old he is as I am not sure how old I am!

Olivia had a rough night again on a MONDAY night. Strange. Not sure why that is, but she is up and running the next day. Looking at her she looks good, but something is diminished in her demeanor; nothing anyone else could see, but I see it. Just as she sees the minute things within me.

Having two children is a study. Sure that my mother and even my grandmother felt the same with with two children similar in quite a few ways, yet the branching out of personalities is something very exciting.

It has been placed on my heart to try my hand at writing books for junior high aged children. MIDDLE SCHOOL for those of current lingo. While driving the other night alone with David I expressed this to him. I gave him the basic layout of the books and he completely left me discouraged, being a boy and one who would rather read about battles of fictional or more likely NONfiction nature, but nonetheless, I was left pondering.

Still in the morning bed with Olivia, we are looking out her window talking. I share my dream of this book, my point of entry, basic structure of the story and she was delighted! She even gave me wonderful insight which I cannot wait to share with my friend who is helping me with this endeavor!

Strangely enough, they both gave me good things to think about in making the book "work" for a wider audience, but Olivia gave solutions as well.

IT is a glorious day. . . sitting next to my girl doing her math.

She likes division.

To Jesus!

Saturday, February 5, 2011 9:27 AM CST

Blossoms in February.

Yesterday I had two flute lessons and two art lessons.

Fridays completely energize, sharpens and helps me release a lot of the pent up creative energy I have not taken opportunity to act out in the week.

My students (especially those who have been with me for years) so get it and are on board for a cool spring of doing things a little outside the box. I just love them!

Then there is David DeWilligen. I have known David as a young boy and now he is 15 and is working SO hard on his flute playing. He loves Chinese music currently and so we are having fun interpreting and learning together the way it could and should sound. David DeWilligen reminds me so much in many ways my own son and his tender ways. Before each lesson he has to say hello to all the animals which are present. Velvet and Charlie always a must. Just a blessing to have such students in my life. I never want to take this for granted.

Last night was one of those spaces in time with David that I had to journal today.

His violin teacher has his students periodically play at a local coffee house, Hob Knob. It is in Floyds Knobs and a delightfully artistic venue. There are textiles and ceramics for sale there. My kind of place.

Mr. Boaz brought all his most advanced students together to play their "contest" pieces. There were two quartets (one with a CELLO!) and beautiful performances by my favorite two advanced students.

I was able to quickly email my art families on the days lessons and listen to wonderful music. David sipped on hot cocoa and was 3rd from last to play. He got up there and did so well. He played so musically from his heart and it showed. He sat down and said, I played the least hardest piece of the night. Funny boy.

We shopped afterwards driving in the dark, David shared with me his favorite music. Deep music. Precious boy. As my friend said--kid dates are the best.

To Jesus
Sh

Friday, February 4, 2011 7:59 AM CST

IT was an amazing week. I am still reeling from seeing friends. . . and having my far away people not seem so far way due to SKYPE and iVideo...and PHONE/texting.

Yes, I am a texter. I will admit it right here and say that I love it even more than email.

I am not always a phone talker and not always the best at answering my phone, but I love to text and quick message and receive one as well.

Both of my children are blessed to have iTouches via and many thanks to. . . Grandma and their Uncle and Aunt. We are techno as it is a way for us to stay in touch with so many SO far away. Recently this week, the kids downloaded TEXT for Free (with permission of course) and now I receive the most precious of messages from my own. It is great if I am out and about and they want to ask something or if they just want to say, I love you!

She loves knitting with Miss Betsy and yesterday while I worked with Maggie on her van Gogh HUGE painting--which by the way she is doing an awesome work on the canvas. Got me to thinking I would love to "do" a Van Gogh for my own house. ANYWAY, I got to hear Olivia and Miss Betsy knitting and talking. . . solving the world's problems. Preciousness at its core.

It was hard to watch as how does one give to that magnitude? Why can't I just accept it as a wonderful gift?

Just Accept it, Sheila.

To Jesus.

Monday, January 31, 2011 10:06 PM CST

It is Monday almost Tuesday and feels that this week has been weeks long, not in a bad way, but in that fullness of life taking over, kind of way.

Realizing that David needed "worms" for his science project tomorrow and after Olivia finished tackling division and writing book report we two ran to the pet store with Velvet. Velvet is a treasure. Saw many dogs of all sizes which barked and barked, but alas, the "chihuahua" did not even sound a "YIP". Interesting, since they are tagged as the YIPPY dog.

Very much an amazing Grace kind of day.

Olivia keeps remarking she has not felt like eating (and has not much) and tonight is in an impressive pseudo obstruction flare.

Sleep is now.

TO Jesus.

Thursday, January 27, 2011 11:45 AM CST

It seems that each time I journal I want to begin with "we made it."

To live life in such a manner seems a bit over dramatic, maybe it is, but in the scheme of the unseen hidden world of our home; it is not.

We were well enough to make a very quick, TOO short jaunt up NORTH to be with dears. The main reason is for the simple fact of a 16 year birthday which I personally could not let go without seeing and spending, even in short time frame moments. HAPPY Birthday, KODY. I cherish you!

As always, it is useful for a good perspective purge when being around The Steph and all.

Last night was, however, difficult with lots of ups and downs due to "dumping" made for a very short night and today, I am tired.

Now, I remember WHY I started to drink caffeine. It was purely medicinal which I am sure it is for most, but in the midst of weaning; i have found myself in "need" of such help over the next few days.

On the way home, I needed to read _Carry On, Mr. Bowditch_ this Friday's (TOMORROW'S) book for discussion. David devoured it in 2 days, early on and thankfully, I ordered it for Olivia and me so we could listen to together.

So many wonderful insights on life, had me so convicted on many accounts. The LOVE of learning and outpouring of teaching is inspiring.

More on such book, but mostly need to connect here with my old friend, caring bridge before I try out my well / home for a while legs. Feeling a bit like I am on a ship, being tossed about, and at times overthrown and sinking. . .

but I know that He is right there and lifting me.

His Love lifts me.

To Jesus!

Sunday, January 23, 2011 6:27 PM CST

Sunday. . .

We have come out of some hard weeks of sickness. . .even with a hospital stay inter mixed. I'm not even a week off of the love/hate medications I was on to help heal probably the worse cough I have had since 1989.

Our church time was switched to 4 PM. Seemed like a wonderful idea in concept, but by 3 PM; Dave and I both were. . .just tired.

Trying not to beat myself up; both kids so wanted to go. Olivia was dressed early this morning thinking it was at our normal time.

I know that I needed a full weekend of rest after our week and the upcoming week.

Full throttle ahead for this week. Cannot share the complete story yet as there is a surprise on the horizon.

Olivia reassured me tonight, "Mama, I love you so much; it is all right." I ask her, why is it you love me so much?

"Because you are my Mama."

Bottom line works.

What a delightful gift she is. Her wrapping would be pinks, reds, oranges. . . glitter, with bright red yarn in a bow.

Looking forward to some very creative out of the BOX learning this week.

To Jesus!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011 9:37 AM CST

I love coming here and seeing the photo above; smiles, victories and snow!

2011 needs a restart around here. Thankfully, EVERY day is a fresh start. I am willing to even begin in the middle of the month MIDWEEK and if it starts after NOON when the kids are fully awake, the so be it.

It is almost 11 AM and both children are sound asleep. Rest is definitely one of the top priorities over the remainder of this week. Olivia slept through the night, through two morning house phone rings and I bet if UPS rang our door bell it would not even move her.

She had the flu. No doubt about it, too bad IV antibiotics had to be infused and along with that Benadryl and Tylenol. She was cute last night singing one of her songs--"no more antibiotics and the dreaded Benadryl push."

We were giggling over the fact that the ATTENDING poked his head into the room asking her if she needed anything. Olivia not knowing who he was, as they were all going by their first names. She reminded him she was waiting for the Aristocats movie. Within short minutes he hand delivered it to her; not a nurse or, but him!

Nice.

So, yes, home; good place to be when well. When sick like Olivia was, it was not. In a world of natural ways of healing, and negativity towards the medical field; I have to stop and just say, no.

If it were not for the medical advances, my daughter would not be here. Just two days prior, I was speaking to David regarding Olivia's TPN. This is not something that has been around for decades and certainly not to be administered at home. I think this would make a very good research topic!

Recovery, resting, regrouping. . . time to restart.

To Jesus!

Monday, January 17, 2011 5:45 PM CST

Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

It was a quiet day here today; the hallways were not bustling busy city, but quiet Monday waiting for the rain.

Olivia and I spent the day not in our big bed at home, but in the hospital bed cozied with minimal intervention by anyone.

She is smiling now, designing dresses out of paper towel and tape for the doll I bought her.

No fever; big cough, but doctor assures me.

Meanwhile, I have experienced steroids. It is a good thing we were not home or I would have cleaned the whole house and then eaten it.

Weaning down will be welcomed.

Made Romans 4 difficult to process with so many imputes, and imputed, but thankfully, my dear sister had already read and pointed out Romans 4:20, 21 to me which pounced off the page and rang and sounded my heart's hunger.

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

It is a beautiful door which He has opened as we do not waver.

To Jesus.

Sunday, January 16, 2011 11:21 PM CST

Tired and still looks tiny, sick, but not SICK. We have seen worse but glad we are here.

Nursing has been nothing but exceptional. Something has changed on this floor in terms overall spirit. Kudos, CCHMC.

Our first nurse's husband grew up in Floyds Knobs and she in Clarksville, Indiana and NOW live in Loveland, Ohio. Our two families basically switched places.

I cannot help getting emotionally poetic every time we come here.

Cincinnati and I have tons of history.

As we were driving in and up Reading Road less than a mile away from CCHMC, I spoke to David as to how utterly ignorant I was in my youth.

How I was literally blocks away from this amazing hospital, blocks, for years--and never valued it, stepped into it and did anything with it.

God definitely over the years is the One to give credit for my thinking outside the box. Doing things with a different twist. . .

At the end of my little mini moment proclaiming how we need to be looking around us for the obvious. . . this came out:

"how selfish we can be, when we do not stop to look and see."

Pushed David a bit about his spending more time in the big house with Olivia, to which he declared he would rather not. It is all right; he was not even allowed up on the floor as he is too young with the flu restrictions.

GI/COLORECTAL UNIT. Nothing anyone is going to put on a T-shirt to advertise that is for sure.

I brought my camera as I am beginning a series, starting with my beautiful daughter, who was made in His Image, of glimpse of her. . . I am excited to stretch myself artistically as I would with practicing Bach on the flute.

There were many pictures I saw as I was walking the main building, a darling 8 year old girl with a bald head riding on the pole as her daddy pushed her with a parade of friends. What a great shot it would have been.

Need to get a parade behind some of these GI/COLORECTAL kiddos. . .

TO Jesus.

Sunday, January 16, 2011 9:38 AM CST

David cough turned into my cough which in turn is now Olivia's cough.

The sweet girl presented with a fever, not feeling well and she turned into my little girl again.

Friday I knew it was not just a typical cough for me so Saturday AM ran down to the Urgent Care and saw a doctor. Thankfully, he was very thorough and caring and gave me all that I really needed. Steroids, ABX and an inhaler!

Olivia and I were going to take Velvet to PetSmart, but we scaled down the day to just a quick visit to have Olivia's hair trimmed.

I was already feeling the energy coming back from the steroids but knew I better take it easy so Olivia and I piled up into the big bed. Always the way to go when we are not feeling well.

She was more and more congested, more and more. . .puny. . . until I reached over and warm.

My concern was she needed to be seen this weekend, not Monday. Pneumonia seems to be the monster of the moment around here and if that was the case, let us catch it sooner than later. Knowing too, that meant at least a 2 night stay.

God loves her. Her lower lip trembling at the thought of going up without me, as I really needed to stay home and sleep another good night--she reminded me to pack "puppy" a gift the Loy family sent her couple of years ago. It is her stuffed animal of choice. Never before had Olivia "needed" a stuffed animal until after that time and Puppy goes every where we go. . . he is a well traveled stuffed dog.

I have been thinking about the perspectives of education my children have received lately, and last night while listening to Olivia give me the play by play after she had her first round of Zosyn and not quiet yet up in a room, her pouch needed to be emptied.

"Mama, Daddy is emptying my pouch with a urinal that looks like something Picasso would have designed."

Dave called asking about premedication prior to her VANCO; I asked him, what does Olivia want? She wanted it IV. Give it to her in her CVL, then. She is so grown up in so many ways; at 10 years old it is heart piercing, but I am so thankful she is so intuitive, so aware of the details of life and ready to stand up for what is right.

So thankful that her Uncle Greg and Aunt Kim got good time in with her in Tahoe. Everyone needs their "people" to know them.

To hear Greg account his time out with the kids in a snow ball fight so captures their personality and character. David more timid, cautious; Olivia right there ready to get the job done.

Skiing too, keep going back to those days a lot with it having been the sick house here, the kiddos have enjoyed talking about their time in Tahoe; almost like their own private Narnia. . . where there was no sickness, there was so much to do that "food" was a necessary to fuel our bodies, games to be played, rooms to explore. . . yeah our own Narnia. Funny, when Greg said he was driving to Tahoe, it meant so much more now.

Time to head to Cincy and relieve Dave so he and David can come home and prepare for their week. Cannot wait to see my Picasso girl. Although, I rather to think of her as my Van Gogh. (David says I always bring it back to Van Gogh) Maybe I should have named him Vincent?

Thankful for friends that help us out during these times.

To Jesus.

Friday, January 14, 2011 8:33 AM CST

Okay, I admit it. Sometimes it feels like a dry and thirsty land.

Sometimes it feels that I am nagging God, begging Him to hear me, not to have wishes granted, but. . . not sure, what.

I knew one of the stumbling stones was that I was not reading His Love Letter to me. That over the ages, He had preserved so I could hear from Him in a very tangible way while living the life I chose and He gave His life.

A new year came and went and I was not home. I knew better to say I would start something like this and follow through while still in a far away dream world.

So, encouraging another sister to join me; God totally directed me to a read through the Bible website. The kids and I have started to read through chronologically, but for me and for them; it was not applicable.

I found this: http://www.bible-reading.com/bible-plan.html

First of all, it does not say January 1. Thank you. Finally, I have realized my time clock is not what maybe it "should" look like. Sorry, cannot do it. Tried, failed, beat myself up and left myself wondering.

Starting out with Romans then Genesis, Joshua, Psalms and last night Job.

That is where we will plant ourselves. Job. The dear sister, friend. . . who is joining me in this journey has much in common with Job.

"Naked I came from my mother�s womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the LORD" ~ Job 1:21

When I read last night's reading and knew what today was and is and will be; I felt His embrace.

I FELT it.

Selfishly so.

Needed so.

He loves, even me.

Despite me.

I have read Job 1 many times, many, but this time was different.

He had directed us all to read those verses last night. He said it; He wrote it; for just this time.

Be inspired:

http://courageouslyliving.blogspot.com/2011/01/blessed-be-name.html

To Jesus.

Thursday, January 13, 2011 8:14 AM CST

Everyone is back where they live. Belong? Not sure I can say that anymore. Not sure WHERE we belong. . . it is so hard to not be torn into pieces as to where I want to be.

Right now, there is not a choice with David, Olivia and me sick. Just a big cold kind of thing which introduced me to the NETI POT. David gave me the step by step as he is the pro around here.

So, we will clean off our schedule plate until we are all better. Hated to miss Latin today but hoping a good rest day will get us to the field trip tomorrow.

All day to day things, which build the body of life.

Yesterday was productive; dentist for kiddos. Love our dentist, but I also know that she is concerned over my teeth situation. Need one pulled and two replaced--hmmmm. . .

David could use braces; O will. David could care less and Olivia cannot wait.

Boy vs Girl.

Off to lunch out out of pure laziness of being tired and feeling the brink of sickness. . . with time to spare we headed over to the Animal Shelter.

David is setting up service projects for his patrol. Had a wonderful talk with the manager there and lots of possibilities. Good stuff.

Saw Dr. Conner yesterday. David's leg seems to be healing just fine. We go back in 6 months.

Going to chip away at the "TO DO" list today. . . with intermingled rest.

To Jesus.

Sunday, January 9, 2011 8:33 PM CST

Thankful that David had a reprieve from coughing and sickness while in Tahoe, but it is back.

We are praying about what to do for David. It seems since September he has been sicker than ever before in his life with asthma and allergies.

A quick email off to Nurse G., our continual connection with CCHMC, may give us some direction to act upon for David's needs.

It was interesting yesterday when I shared with David how Sarah was interested in his help with her ministry. We are so fortunate that Olivia has so many (women) who support and affirm her, but it is different for him.

So he was taken aback when I shared that Sarah wanted him to think of ideas; he was excited and had a list of what it is like to be THE sibling.

I think it will be a nice open pipeline to the heart.

To Jesus.

Saturday, January 8, 2011 8:03 PM CST

The new photo is of Olivia, Carolyn, David and Jared the ski instructor.

I am hoping to switch over to the NEWER caringbridge website since I cannot change out photos on the main page any longer.

This page will remain open and with the new website.

We are slowing resting, reorganizing, and getting ready for Monday, back to school and a full week of dentists, eye doctors, and David's 8 month X RAY of his leg.

I do not want to take that for granted and request prayer that all will be fine when Dr. C. looks at David's leg "picture". . .

To Jesus!

Thursday, January 6, 2011 11:37 PM CST

Sometimes I forget, or maybe it is just that my heart is already saying such things. . . but I do not vocalize it.

Last night while hooking up Olivia I was pressed to remind Olivia that I "see" her.

I can be very forthright in making it a point to "see" almost every child in my vision, and vocalize that to them, but to my own, I tend to be silent.

With so much of her hidden, and our not majoring on it, sometimes it is okay to stop and say, wow. . .

Victory!

Today was VICTORIOUS!

As the hours unfold, both David and Olivia enjoy reliving their time on the mountain, riding the lift and avoiding injuries. It seems there was a "Liar" kid in their group and Olivia just as she plays her cello and skis down a hill was quick to finish this "Liar" and sign him over to the the "Liar Police" but after slowing her down a pace or two with my God given famous quote, "it is more than just". . .

Such a sweet place to be.

. . . there listening to their hearts switching from the pure act of sliding down a hill on two flat pieces of flat stuffs, to. . . sharing something that they love and believe in. . .

Olivia confrontational with "Liar" and David soothingly waiting.

Salt and Pepper.

Sugar and Spice.

David and Olivia.

To Jesus!

Thursday, January 6, 2011 0:25 AM CST

Glimpses of Heaven.

The snow was so pure even days later, still it was white. Can it be that even days later?

David and Olivia experienced a full fledged winter wonderland from snow shoeing, to sledding, snow ball, snow tunneling and the most fantastic--SKIING!

It was by far one of the best holidays I have had. I personally needed a refilling of my cup with family. I needed to see my niece and be with her, hug her, help her, sing with her, listen to her, smell her. . . all of who she is.

David and Olivia needed to see their uncle, aunt and cousin.

Icing on the top was having Papa Virg and Grandma Lodgie there, not to forget VELVET, who by the way is a great companion traveler.

We waited to ski the last two days we were there due to the holidays and peak-ness which holidays bring to a beautiful place like Sierra at Tahoe.

It was more than worth the wait. Both David and Olivia were in put into a "ski school" for two days straight. Aunt Kim set us up; we talked with the super in charge and made everyone aware as to what Olivia may need. After each day they received a "report card".

Both did so well that the second day they were out on the slopes! Sugar and Spice as it is called, truly describes Olivia. David keeps saying that Olivia is a lot better and was fastest and right behind the instructor.

Needless to say, Olivia is in love and wants to live where there is real snow, so we'll settle with some family time ice skating.

This is the first of many installations of our "Trip". . . "HOLIDAY". . .

refilling of one's cup.

To Jesus.

Thursday, December 30, 2010 0:21 AM CST

Family and friends,

The only missing piece is, Dave.

Velvet is bonding with her two dog cousins and learning the stay command. Aunt Kim is amazing with her two dogs and is working with Velvet as well. Velvet really loves the snow.

Snow is right! Overnight we were BLESSED with 2.5 feet of snow, and awoke to hear the avalanche shots firing this AM. Such blasts shake the windows and help prevent an avalanche.

We are still without power but thankful to have a generator which makes all well!

Today was path making, tunneling, picture taking, snow shoeing and sledding! The amount of snow is mind boggling and surely God's playground.

Playing board games and good eats...a holiday as the Europeans would say.

Olivia is doing well. Hydration and pacing the race is for sure the order of business.

I cannot say enough about her homecare company; an office in Louisville and the main pharmacy out here...in California. So you see, we have many ties to the GoLden State... Although today it was clearly...

Tahoe Blue.

To Jesus.

Sunday, December 26, 2010 9:06 AM CST

When I woke up this morning, I finally felt anticipation realizing that we would NOT be waking here tomorrow morning; we would be in the air!

Christmas was a TOUGH time around here with Dave working; no Grandma or Grandpa here this year, but we made it and had a pretty good time. We made it; we survived, but not the same kind of survival some tend to complain about; I am so blessed by a wonderful family that I cannot imagine wanting to be away from them during Christmas. Ever.

It is just those silly MILES which separate us!

David and Olivia are flexible and know they needed to rest and be ready for a huge day on MONDAY. Traveling with this "new" TSA--if it is indeed that and THAT bad; I am not going to borrow worry concerning it.

But I did borrow a doggie carrier for Velvet's travel. Aunt Becca has been giving me advice on doggie journeying across the country.

I figure, if I can fly across our country with David and Olivia, pumps, medical supplies, etc. etc. etc. Velvet should be a breeeeeeze!

David finished his carpentry project last night. It took him several days to complete this merit badge. He spent one evening going over different aspects and learning from a REAL bonafide carpenter, Chris Krauskopf. Then he had to make a piece of furniture--by himself. He designed a nice piece to go by his bedside. It is a book shelf type stand. Also, he had to work with shingles. It was a neat side project do work on during Christmas. Very symbolic, really. . . doing a carpentry merit badge during Christmas.

God is such the Master Planner.

Time for me to be a PACKER!

All for Jesus.

To Jesus.

Saturday, December 25, 2010 8:11 AM CST

Christmas.

May it be all that you had hoped it would and could be.

As my husband put it, this has been one of the more unusual Christmases for us. With his working all week and weekend, it snowing, kiddos being sick and our leaving out on Monday it has just been different.

Our Christmas tree's lights stopped working a few days ago. I am thankful that I live in a house with people who do not find Christmas in those sorts of things, but also delight in them.

We opened our gifts earlier this week, the night that Dave and David returned from St Louis. Neither of the children felt well and it was coming down fast. The Christmas tree needed to come down prior to our leaving, packing; I am in low mode and did not want a bustle and rush.

So, this morning, I lie in bed, my children both slumbering, as we stayed up late last night, on California time already! Dave off at work. . .

I slept part of the night next to Olivia and she fretted in her sleep all night. I asked her over and over if she was in pain, but she said no. At one point I said she was going to hurt Velvet with all her moving about. She laughed and laughed which sounded like crying and I asked if she were crying and she laughed and laughed and said no. She was 1/2 asleep.

So, I am not sure why she did not sleep well. She wanted to talk a lot about our traveling last night. "I would much rather just go back into a private room and lift my shirt and be over with it, then I get to hear, 'oh, you poor baby.'"

But soon, I hope that the children's Christmas break will be redeemed by a wonderful visit to see their cousin, who by the way, does NOT know we are coming! It has been hard to keep it under wraps and mom calls out boca grande if someone slips. Gotta love Grandma Lodgie; instant fun.

Our Laura is still in the hospital; Maya got home. . .so, we are SO not the only ones who have different kinds of Christmases. Thankfully, so. . . these two families know the True Love found in Christmas.

Thankful.

To Jesus.

Friday, December 24, 2010 11:29 AM CST

True love
was born.

Love walked, fed, healed and spoke out.

True love
was crucified.

Love suffered, bled and died.

True love
was victorious.

Love lives, sits and waits. . .

~Sh

~.~.~.~.~.~

This by far has been one of the more bizarre Christmas holidays. With the anticipation of going to South Lake Tahoe to be with family, we have tried to maintain a bit of carefulness to insure this trip will happen.

After our visit to Dr. Lane Tuesday with Olivia and then Wednesday for David, both swabbed for pertussis and David for strep.

Both stated on antibiotics just in case, David in pill form (easy!) and Olivia in her beautiful eclipse med balls. Getting new antibiotics ordered and hopefully on the mend.

Olivia woke up today looking. . . paler, cough better, but she looked sick to me. So, this explains some puzzle pieces.

~.~.~.~.~.~

God bless, GOD BLESS. . . the elderly. . . the hungry. . . the fatherless. . . the family-less. . . the sick. . . the children in hospitals. . . and the caregivers.

God BLESS our dear home care company who on holidays has stepped to the plate over and over. They are consistent and caring with Olivia's care. Never EVER say one ill word about my lack of supply organizational skills; I have been horrible lately. I consider them to be like a safety net. They KNOW my daughter's LIFE GIVING needs and are by far the best at it for us.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

To Jesus.

Sh

Wednesday, December 22, 2010 5:27 PM CST

Nice!

Made it through the day with no major "drama" as folks say.

Had a fun morning out with Velvet, the chihuahua. It sounds weird, but I always love going to our vet as he is one who loves the animals, but teaches at every appointment. He said Velvet was a sweetie. For the most part, if she is treated respectfully; she is pretty laid back.

She did not bark at ANY dogs she saw out today which is a big deal for her. Being intimidated is not a good thing for her, most any "little" dogs.

At PetsMart, or whatever the store is called, she met several dogs and was calm and sniffy, but that was about it!

So, she is GOOD to go to California.

David and Olivia were swabbed and started antibiotics today. We are thinking it probably is not anything more than a nasty cough cold, but we are going to stay in until MONDAY when we FLY to CALIFORNIA. . . by God's Grace.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:18 PM CST

Okay, so Olivia's cough is rather settled and a wheezing was found. Dave called and said that David's coughing pretty deeply.

So, we'll return to the PED tomorrow, get swabbed for whooping cough, administer Olivia's first dose of IV abx, and have David listened to as well.

Thankful for Olivia's home care company. . .

Dave and I decided to open gifts tonight; just too much going on to wait. We both agreed that it would make life more peaceful.

Peace

Love

Joy

It was precious moments. Kiddos can play, I can putter clean, pack now, not stress on what has to happen on which day.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 10:58 AM CST

We love adventure around here.

I attribute it to music lessons, riding ponies and living in Montana as a young girl.

You have to have a level of courage to do any of those above mentioned.

Just realized that we do not leave out on Tuesday of next week but Monday!

This will be a first for us as we are traveling with our perpetual little one, Velvet the chihuahua. She is not just a dog; she is a chihuahua!

Been reading over TSA's website, Oley's ideas, and all the information found for ostomates. We are going to be a traveling road show for sure, at least David can walk. So thankful he is no longer in a wheel chair!

Lots to prepare for this mission. Yes, mission. Every thing we do is a mission!

We will see our beloved VET tomorrow to get the documents we need to travel with her.

Today it is Olivia's turn to visit Dr. Lane to follow up on Cincy's clinical concerns, plus, a good listen to those lungs which have been hurting again, coughing, and congestion.

All along this month of December, God has pointed to me to r e s t; and He has put us into a position in which we HAVE to be home and rest! It is exciting when He works it all out; in talking with a good friend today, I realized this. I was feeling the isolation, but when in FACT it was God's way of taking care of us!

Blessed to rest.

Loving care over us.

To Jesus.

Monday, December 20, 2010 6:01 PM CST

Never did much fit into the hole the peg was meant to fit.

That is okay.

Now, I know why.

Been struggling a bit over this month, but now I know why.

First of all, Olivia is still pretty congested, big cough and has the lip arch going on again. We are all feeling a bit stressed about the travel or the thought that someTHING may caught and we would not be able to go.

Last night as I said good-night she asked, "Mama, would you pray?" I most always every night pray over my children, but for some reason last night I was so thankful to be in bed ready for sleep, mouth guard in. . .

Tomorrow, we'll run down to the PED to make sure everything is as it should be and what else we could do to help hurry whatever this is. . . along.

Papa made it to California all in one piece and by his voice could tell he is elated to be with his Cali children.

David and Dave are still in StL enjoying their StL family.

It is how it happens sometimes. Split into pieces, but for a great cause.

Olivia got to watch my reclining posture today at the dentist. Looks like #2 tooth is to be pulled. Those months of clenching has done its damage which is what it is. Like my mom said, think about the amount of stress over the last 10 years.

So, I have some dental stuffs to get done this January; plus, Papa's eyes! My "little" family sure does keep us all hopping.

Anticipation of a particular day here (as it is with people with special challenges) always posses a bittersweet perspective. How we long to enjoy the building up of something as spectacular as family around Christmas, but at the same time, know that it can easily be snatched from our "plan" in a blink.

I am so thankful that with the anticipation of The Messiah's birth; those who choose to believe are never let down.

To Jesus.

Sunday, December 19, 2010 10:21 AM CST

The boys are off to St Louis; Olivia had some tears, we talked through what it means to stay home and why. She already knows; she was being a little human being girl with feelings. So thankful she is real with me.

Today is Grandma Bert's birthday; praying she is blessed by having Dave and David there.

Blessings.

It was my buzz word in the 90s as a "Christian" classroom teacher.

This morning as my family is split in half, I was reminded to count my blessings. It made me stop and think about what are blessings. I am one of the fortunate folks to be able to dig deep into my childhood and have boundless blessings to list.

I did not have new clothes, but once a year. I never went without food; my parents gave me long lasting presents--gifts I share today with my own children. Music and animals, but most of love. There were no video games when they came out, there were no new fad gadgets; it was music, love, and our animals, our little "farm" where my parents grew and canned and supplied.

I look back and know it was not just them. It was God's provision. He knew exactly how things would end up but he mended over and over the kinks in the fence of family. That is probably one of the greatest blessings when I think about my parents. They are no longer together, but because of that, I have other people, incredible people, seen beautiful places.

Counting the blessings.

Fast forward to my own little family. I count each day, what an honor to be David and Olivia's mama. I thank God that He gave them to me right when He did. And perfectly made they are.

Again, I can see the blessings of pseudo obstruction, TPN, tubes, ostomy. Raw skin, fevers, doctors visits, hospital stays, all can add up to difficult times, but it is through these difficult times that Dave and I grow stronger in our love and commitment towards one another. It is through these times, God reminds me that this is NOT it. There is more. Hope comes into play.

Blessings.

When I stop and think of who would be subtracted from our lives if we had never encountered TPN, CCHMC, hunger for answers and results; I truly believe our lives would be starving for different answers and results.

Blessings.

The "smallest" blessings are so great and the "greatest" turn into making the small things beautiful.

To Jesus.

Saturday, December 18, 2010 10:28 PM CST

December has been a bit of an overwhelmingly wonderful month.

We are behind on our reading of Advent, but will not give in and up. When the boys return from St Louis we'll do a power reading and get caught up.

Book Club meetings, visits from Papa, art lessons, field trips, music lessons, 3 trips to Cincy and back (two for the kiddos), Latin club, my teaching flute lessons; it has been a full good month.

The last two days we have been rather home bound with ice, and well, just that wintery feeling of rest which encases one who lives up on a hill surrounded by oaks galore.

Fire, old time movies, simple living and music.

Tonight was David and Olivia's Christmas recital. There were performers plenty. It looked like almost 50! Olivia's name was well into the 3/4 end of it and David near the end, which is a great way to work out the jitters.

A bit before Thanksgiving Olivia's teacher, Kim Fanning asked her if she wanted to play in the recital. That is a given as the girl is the first to volunteer to play at all group lessons. Next was, what to play. She showed Olivia the beginning part to the song she chose from the book.

Deck the Halls.

Funny, as Olivia's version was something like,

Deck the Halls with bells and holly. . .

Deck the Halls is not one of our regular Christmas carols/songs, so, the girls struggled with the words!

A week passed and I finally ordered the books with music and we were able to see the rest of the picture. A new finger was needed (2nd) and two shifts, or. . . whatever they are called.

Olivia rose to the challenge and did it! She even memorized it and played two times through with her teacher playing with her the second time. Neat stuff.

Although, Olivia is in pretty heavy cold, congestion cough which means that her gut is turned OFF, makes her in need of her G and J bags on. After she played in her beautiful dress; she disappeared to the restroom where I found her lying on the bench trying to relieve her back pain, which at this point we know is from GI. With her being so congested, she could not ascertain that her dear pouch had begun to come off--but alas, I did! Whew! Thankful I caught it as it is very pungent.

Dave whisked her home while I stayed on to watch the rest and most importantly, David.

Tammy, her son Jacob, and David's faithful friend, Matthew were there in support. Good stuff. Looking down the row, I thought, what a handsome crowd, maybe people thought Tammy was my sister? Maybe, Matthew a cousin, Jacob too, yes. Thankful for our friends who God has given us to help ease the empty places.

At David's last lesson his teacher took him through the Bach piece comparing each section to a "room"--David was to describe the room, then "play the room". . . although he only had worked on this song for 3 weeks, and had some minor note glitches; David played each room and am looking forward to how he continues this way of playing. . thinking. . . breathing within his music.

I am in awe of how God did set us apart from animals and allows us the amazing gift of making something as beautiful as music.

To Jesus.

Friday, December 17, 2010 3:48 PM CST

We are in full winter mode here.

Snow, ice, white and even fog. It is what some may call grays, but I like to think of it in terms of whites.

Wednesday everyone was screaming about major weather so my friend and I headed to Papa's earlier and got him to the station--before hitting anything. It began to snow before I got Darla home and on the way home it had turned to freezing snow, sleet, ice? Not sure what it was called but it was noisy.

So, Thursday, the kids and I hunkered in. . . just as many folks have been telling me to do and we did it. It was glorious, relaxing and my eye stopped twitching.

We are in low mode; I so needed a restful season from going here and there and doing this and that.

Olivia somewhere, somehow contracted congestion and now a cough which will keep her from visiting her grandparents in St Louis this weekend. There is no way she could go with an active cold for others' sake. She is heart broken.

So, she and I will stay back and care for the doggies and hopefully continue on the road to recovery and rest. December 28th we head to South Lake Tahoe to meet up with Papa who is at this moment on the train heading out of Chicago to head to California. We'll get to see Papa, Grandma, BUT. . . Uncle Greg, Aunti Kim. . . .

and

Cousin . . .

Carolyn.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010 10:10 PM CST

It is not that we are especially busy; but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Not sure why my eye is twitching; not sure why Olivia is congested again and not sure why she seems to be in a flare still.

Am weary, but I do see the refueling station coming in view.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010 8:20 AM CST

Am thankful in the midst of it all, God gives me a home, a safe place, gives us all who are willing to accept, peace within the mortal bodies we walk around on this planet.

A nice visit with friends and the ride home 0n the cold dark snowy road and my girl's pain comes back again. I never seem to learn.

It was her side-THE side-and her back.

I was pretty dried up last night; not feeling well, nothing I can put my finger on--no virus nor a bacterial infection, just hurting in my stomach, in my head and eyes.

As I was sending an email out to home care, iChat popped up with the pink message from my friend, Patty. . . it has been her hardest years, and through it all, she continues to point to the One who sustains her. She starting to shoot me songs which brought color back into my black and white.

That is hope.

To Jesus.

Saturday, December 11, 2010 10:46 PM CST

Today was one of those strange days; cannot imagine how Dave felt having gotten little sleep last night then going into work all day.

I know for me and my lack of sleep; or interrupted sleep-I am feeling rather toasted.

Have come down off of the "high" of not having a planned clinic for 6 months. It isn't like Olivia is in remission or anything; it does not mean she is not in pain and hurting by smells of foods or by eating a bite. That is all still there, Jesus knows; she knows; her brother and parents know.

Olivia is uncomfortable. Her back needs attending. The pain is every night now, not just sometimes. She moves and you can hear fluids glopping around in her abdomen; yet, she rarely says anything.

Must call PED on Monday and get PT ball rolling for her.

I have felt the need to not plan January-June's art, and other responsibilities that I take on; did not have peace. It was clear I was to take on children who are highly motivated and interested in art only, my family needs me too much to put out so much energy in this season. The tug is hard, but I need to be obedient. He has other things on the horizon.

Hard, as my pride is really wanting to get in there and play ball as I know I can, but I know it is my time to feast on the humble pie and be obedient.

Want to work on my whole family's wellness; getting Olivia into regular PT sessions and some movement for the rest of us as well. I am feeling not so great these days. Putting so much into the weeks the weekends are such a respite and so needed to decompress. So, there has to be some changes in time distribution.

I also feel the need to do "something" for the children far and wide, like Olivia. Make a Wish was a huge bust for us. Yes, Olivia LOVES her play house, but there is very little follow up in this area--at least there has been little for us; it is usually asking for money. That whole situation and how it played out was such a disappointment. Something I need to address in a "letter" still, but. . .

After receiving an email back in August from Center for Courageous Kids, God has given me direction! It is a CAMP for children who normally would/could not go to camp.

Now, I am not a believer building MORE walls within a family (siblings) concerning, such things as MaW (a specific "wish" for a "sick" child--where does that leave the siblings whose lives has been turned inside out and upside down?). David has felt that people tend to give Olivia more "attention"--a boy's observation, not greediness. The concept behind MaW was always a bit of a red flag to me and a reason why I never jumped into it. Then there are camps for special kids to attend--why--why not for the family?

The family concept is one I feel that I am constantly SCRAPPING to maintain within the walls of this society. Let's categorize and separate, socialize and integrate.

Just because I am with my children does not mean I am a hovering helicopter.

I am excited about this camp as they are offering us a FAMILY camp. It is close by. . . there is NO cost, but of course THERE IS A NEED for donations.

I am tired; I should finish this journal, these ramblings later; as I have an opinion on such things.

Surprise.

Olivia is so tender; she is concerned for me. She knows the ailments I have been having and is sure to give me "spas"--David too, tonight.

My heart is so thankful for my children.

Thursday, December 9, 2010 4:32 AM CST

Clinic days are never just the actual time spent within the hospital in the small room which now houses a computer, TV, sink, couple chairs and an exam table/bed.

A clinic day for us may be two days, a sleepover, a visit to a favorite museum or time visiting with friends.

It has always been this way. My children probably know Cincinnati more than Louisville. I was determined to find the good, make good out of this and God has shown me over and over how to do so.

Olivia and I drove up Tuesday so we could spend time with our friends. It is the house which I am the minority, yet never feel that way. This visit was especially great in that Olivia let it all out, was really real and shared even about having an ileostomy! She adores those boys, loved celebrating Hanukkah (again), watching a movie, but most of all, "laughing her guts out" at Korey's one man show. It really set the tone.

As we left that morning driving backwards down their long driveway, Olivia said, I hate to leave. Wanted to come back for the last night of Hanukkah.

As we entered the parking lot at CCHMC, I shared a story with Olivia that I am sure I shared long ago with her, but her memory can be sketchy and she did not remember. It is about faith, trust and a parking spot. A dear mother showing you can trust God in finding a parking spot before a clinic. It can be very problematic to do so, and as I was sharing the story, with several cars even in front of us and NONE of them taking this slot, we had found our parking place.

I never enter a parking lot without thinking of Patty and Colyn.

First, we met a GI Fellow who was conducting a study on TPN and the relationship to bone density. There was a DEXA scan and an ultra sound on Olivia's leg and tons of blood drawn. I was impressed with this young woman (everyone seems younger now a days) doctor as she stayed with us through all of the procedures. She shared that she indeed was with Dr. Kaul when he came out to talk to us after Olivia's surgery 2 years ago; it afforded me to revisit and reiterate the importance of medical folks listening to parents. She seemed a bit too clinical, sterile, for me, but I pray that over time she will soften. I do believe in February when she delivers her first child, that just may happen.

For participating in this study Olivia received a $25 gift certificate to Target and of course she wants to give it to her brother.

Next we headed down to renal ultra sound where God gave me glimpses (for it is not through my eyes, my mortal flesh I see such things) of fathers.

First, it was the father wearing the PICU badge. It is orange with a metal ball and chain feel. His face looked white, tired and bewildered. He wore a coat and carried a bag.

Then there was the waiting area and a daddy approached with his masked toddler letting the folks know his daughter was there for chemotherapy. She had a Christmas dress on and he looked new and fresh. She had her hair and looked healthy; maybe the beginning?

Over at the very end was an older gentleman; a grandfather? He sat with his eyes closed and hands folded with a very sad face.

Made me thankful for Dave and who he is as a father, and my own dad who is always there for us. I saw a bit of both of Dave and my dad in these men and was thankful to be just a visitor today and not a resident.

Olivia was called back to her ultra sound with a very nice technician; gave her all the major points, don't look for a gall bladder, no colon, and Olivia having been asked to void her bladder she did--with VERY LITTLE left! This is HUGE news. This is something that by placing a foley EVERY night for several years now--has given Olivia the ability to empty her bladder (for the most part). She receives 2200 L of TPN/fluids/Lipids over 16 hours a day. Most of that is during her sleep; her bladder has the capability to S T R E T C H as it fills not give notice to get up and use the potty. So, by allowing her bladder to DECOMPRESS (KEY WORD!) she does not need to be cathed throughout the day! She can do a "typical/normal" body function which we SO take for granted.

Olivia's "urologist" is a treasure. As I told my friend, she reminds me someone who either has 10 cats or 5 dogs. She is just perfect for Olivia.
She is not clinical, and rarely do you even know you are in clinic, until she asks for the bed/table exam thing. It was then I felt compelled to give away my prized scarf which Olivia had knitted me. I had told Olivia that I may need to give it to Dr. J. She was fine with it. Dr. J. responded in true fashion, maybe I like her so much because she reminds me of me, only a doctor? The kind of response which kids (your kids) are so embarrassed (on the outside) but on the inside they know they are loved.

So, Dr. Jackson said, see you in a year with another renal ultra sound to keep an eye on the kidneys.

YIPEE!

Over to lunch. Salad for me and I could not find THE lemon cake that Olivia has every time, even if it is a two bites. So, she with her disclaimer, I know, Mama you looked, but may I have a go at it?

Sure, Olivia.

So far, she had smiled, talked, talked and smiled, responded and did most of the talking to whomever was doing whatever to her and with her.

God was showing not only the doctors/technicians and nurses, but He was showing me.

You see, as we were driving down Burnett AVE, prior to pulling into the hospital's parking lot and restating the parking lot prayer of trust and faith; Olivia and I prayed.

My prayer was that not only would we be encouraged by Olivia's growth in height and weight, but also, in the inner parts of her. I have been seeing it for some time and knew that it was time to let that Light shine and encourage her to take that big step.

So, Olivia took a $5 bill and went back into the sea of food finders. Lunch time at CCHMC is like a busy highway. Traffic and people galore!

Next thing I know, Olivia has a piece of lemon cake on the table! What? I, your mother who can find ANYTHING, did not see this? She assured me, that there had not been cake in the case, but she ASKED someone if they HAD ANY IN THE BACK! This may not seem bit, but it is huge for Olivia.

We REmet Lois. Lois was a nurse we met back in THE day. The days prior to our going home we had to learn from Lois a bit about home care. This was almost 9 years ago, and now she is in Olivia's clinic. Lois has a fun, easy going nature and had Olivia pouring out her diet and love for Panera sour dough bread, and the very rare cream soda which she has at Papa's. Yes, she eats a lot of other things, but not lately, just that bread--has to be THAT bread.

It was cool. I hardly said much; got what we needed, saw Dr. K. Had a good chat and off we were. See you in SIX MONTHS--again!

Almost 9 years and we are to some pivotal places for Olivia.

She is going to be 11 in a few months (as she shared during TPN clinic, as well as her being completely concerned about being "short"). The women nurses were great with her assuring her that she will get where she needs to be when it is time. She is in a less than 30% in height, but is growing. I'll take it. It is not like I'm a giant nor my parents.

The next course of action is to assure she is stable in hooking up TPN. She has been hooking up her "Water Balls" which require NO spiking of bags. I want her to work on spiking 1/2 L of saline fluids when needed and her TPN nightly. Then or before the TPN hook up--placing her own over night cath. This will be the tricky part! Dr. Jackson was most supportive of this and I compared it to playing the cello and Dr. Jackson so got it! I love her!

We'll let Olivia take the lead but pretty sure she'll go for the TPN end. After those two hurdles; learning how to prepare TPN.

We will see PED about getting physical therapy to help with her back pain she has every night. There is a ball of muscle tension which is directly around from where her tubes are, etc.

Also, she is approaching puberty. I hear Dr. Kaul saying, sometimes kids get sicker or better or stay the same. . . gotta love it.

More than anything, I just want Olivia to be secure in who she is in JESUS. It will be Him and ONLY Him who will sustain her in the times of not being able to eat, or having all what she has. . . she has slowly said a few times who she wished she did not have her pouch. So, yep, she is human. She is going to have struggles with that. Shoot, I remember not liking my HAIR or having to wear glasses. . . yep.

We have such standards upon us. Look at the fashions today: THE TIGHTER the clothes, the skinner you are, we even have a FOOD NETWORK. . .

Communicating is so key; not just with one another but with God. Prayer.

I think if I took something away from what I need to be more diligent on, would be yes, Dave, making sure we have our supplies--(wink), but prayer.

Praying.

And keeping David involved in his sister's care too. Showing him how to do TPN would be very good for both of them. They would have double the experience and trouble shooting behind them.

AND. . . making sure Olivia has FACE time with her "people"--her family which God has given us through life on TPN, but not relying on that to sustain us.

I think our world is TOO categorized that our differences are OVER emphasized.

Having journaled yesterday; I can go back to sleep for it is what I hope we do late today. Time to switch gears, back to music lessons, Latin and the annual ART MUSEUM field trip on Friday with my art students.

Olivia asked me yesterday, mom, do you like going to the art museum?

Ha, she knew the answer, what she wanted is to share HER thoughts on the subject.

"i'm a craftsman. I'm a knitter, I'm not the same kind of artist as you."

No, you are not Olivia. . . you are FAR better.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010 8:01 PM CST

Utterly thankful.

Just as we suspected; God has been unfolding our MIRACLE.

Our biggest concern at this point is Olivia to learn to place her foley at night.

Her labs look great; she is growing in height and weight; no UTI since June; no gross distention; yeah, some PSEUDO OBSTRUCTION days, but you know. . .

she is thriving.

I could write a Psalm. . . a Sonnet about this day; one day will,

but for now;

we
rest.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010 9:01 AM CST

At 4:00 AM this Tuesday, it seems there was much more to say--I remember thinking I should just get up and journal, pray and let it go.

It has been S I X months since Olivia's last clinic with her Dr. K. Since then there have been some monumental changes which we have yet to experience. If Olivia stays at twice a year clinics; maybe it will not be as apparent. There are some people who go to work and put in their hours, do the acquired work load and go home. Then there is Nurse Gerry. There are not too many people like her in my life these days who will go above and beyond for someone who is not her "own".

She has spoken up to help clearly state the needs or concerns, she has been the one who during rounds would set the record straight, she was the one who was not around during Olivia's week of pain, but came to visit us during surgery, PICU, and afterwards. She has always been one who is available, even when I was shut down, broken and fearful inside.

I never crossed over the bridge of friendship with her as I know what it means to have to be professional. We both have a deep mutual respect and I know that she learned a little from us as we learned much from her.

Although, Olivia is not an overly open hugs all around to all the medical team kind of girl, she KNOWS the value of Nurse GERRY. She is the first person to pipe up about it.

I'm all for the hugs all around to the medical team if it is true and real. Many of our friends have that kind of relationship with their team, and maybe we had it more prior to Sept '08, and as we climb the trust table again. . . maybe?

So Wednesday Olivia will be labbed, DEXA scanned, ultra sounded, poked and prodded and with it we pray not another need to head to CCHMC for another 6 months.

Or?

There are parts of the hospital which are so rich of deep memories of fear, hope, fun, yes fun. . and despair. I try to meet each place when we go, even for a "clinic".

So, we'll pack up after my two flute lessons this morning and head up north.

Wednesday we will be home.

To Jesus.

Monday, December 6, 2010 8:52 AM CST

Upper lip with arch;

She's got something on her mind,

Bothering her, again.

Comes back around,

Fix it, pull it, finish it.

Make Him your refuge little one,

Let Him pull it for you.

You did it; He was there.

Olivia's tube replacement happened; not as horrific as the last, we were all in a more spiritual place than physical.

Rubbing feet and calm love and she did it.

Thankful.

To Jesus.

Sunday, December 5, 2010 8:12 AM CST

After a day of rest, it seems David is much better. We back tracked into the night before at Abigail's recital and remembered all the cookies he ate in record time. So maybe instead of a virus it was gluttony.

Dave and Olivia spent yesterday's snowy day running errands and picking up needed items in winter. Snow boots.

But something is brewing within Olivia. She cannot hide it; this, whatever it is presents itself in the "licking of the lips" which over a course of two days show an arch above her top lip.

Gently asking what it is that is bothering her, Olivia could not tell what.

Last night as I was placing her overnight cath I saw how she had taped BOTH tubes down. (She should NOT need tape on the tubes to keep them. . . in.)

Just a half an hour earlier she felt a pop and therefore she assumed it was the balloon of the Jtube, but what is concerning is there is a swollen part next to it and sensitive to the touch.

We'll switch the tube out today. She is already gearing up for anxiety.

I reminded her how hard it was last time and when it was all over she said it was not so bad. . .

Tube changes have become a huge G I A N T in Olivia's world.

Before the door of anxiety had been opened--it was routine to her.

Home we are this morning, Family Time around God's Word.

And later a tube change.

To Jesus.

Saturday, December 4, 2010 7:41 AM CST

The long awaited day. . . but we all awoke to David rushing to the "orange bathroom" gagging and finally vomiting. No fun.

Over the years to know someone is vomiting in the house would send shivers down my spine; a GI bug is a dreaded visitor, but today, we have learned that fear is a waste, worry even more. God does not give us a spirit of fear, plainly and simply true.

It was a long awaited day because today we were going to visit with the Krauskopf family. A dear family I have known for almost as many years that I have lived down in this part of Indiana. Mr. Chris was going to help David with his carpentry merit badge which we have only until December 31 to accomplish as it is a historical badge. Neat stuff, and there is only one person I would want to "teach" my son on such a subject, that is Chris. He is part of a lost art, carpentry using only hand tools, not powered, etc. Pray that we can find pockets of time in this December to accomplish this, please.

Yesterday was a fun day. A left over art class then the book club party. I literally had been laboring over what short story to read for two weeks. Searching the internet, emailing my "expert" literature friend, all of it. We took a full hour and read out loud, "The Fir" by Hans Christian Anderson.

As you know, I cannot leave it at just that. I found a website of short stories for children which were even divided into holidays! There were three of Dickens who is one of my favorites having taught _Great Expectations_ and all his stories of poverty, orphans--Dickens himself visited George Mueller's orphanage which Mueller himself told Dickens he could look in every room and closet to ensure that the orphanage WAS an amazing place for those without parents. So, Dickens, but then I saw "The Fir". Delightfully dreadful sort of story, a bit like Shel Silverstein's "Giving Tree"--only "The Fir" was discontent all its life, looking for the next great moment, but not at peace in the moments of life. When I asked David and Olivia during my one on one time yesterday, they both said the theme was "Don't wish your life away."

"The Fir" by Anderson will be a new tradition for our December as is Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" another major gem we listened to the other night.

David and I had a delightful time last night as we watched Abigail's violin recital. I leaned over to him and told him how I appreciated that he plays his violin with passion. I did not even get an OH MOM, but a smile. We had a double blessing with the art gallery being open. IUS's fine art department is fantastic! Aberlyn AND Deanna's works were on view. Good stuff.

So, the blanket of snow on this day makes it time to do something inside, pressing on. . .waiting to see what to do with David, what happens for tomorrow. Tomorrow.

But I will live in this day, Fir tree, and not look too far ahead.

To Jesus.

Friday, December 3, 2010 7:29 AM CST

Thursday's big day ended and tomorrow came.

Last night Olivia hooked herself up to her TPN with a little of assistance. This is important to her; she is happy that I trust her enough. Then again, it is her body and it would be she who would suffer most IF. . .

Cello lessons are always a delight and way too short. I really like her teacher and thankful that we have Mrs. Fanning. A recital is approaching and for anyone who ever played an instrument, you may have had that twinge of fear run up and down your spine. Not Olivia! She has been waiting patiently for the time that the CELLOS would be included in a performing event.

It turns out it is the weekend of visiting family in St Louis, but that must be postponed so she can play Saturday, December 18.

Christmas music which was recommended by her teacher arrived but two weeks ago she started to learn the first line of Deck the Halls. She worked on it off and on throughout the 14 days and then yesterday at lessons she learned the rest.

Mrs. Fanning asked, "Do you want to learn the save way or the highly adventurous way?"

I sitting in the corner, most times with my eyes closed otherwise I would be snapping countless photos as Olivia with her cello is a beautiful sight.

Adventurous way, of course!

There with little effort Olivia's hand slid up and down the neck and learned 3rd and 4th position on her 1/2 sized cello. She is most excited practiced when she got home last night.

Olivia has always been the one to burst the door open and to see what is next, whereas, David cautiously opens, looks around and maybe then he may enter.

After our long day, it ended with us all piled up on the big bed and Dave reading the Advent. We had fallen behind, and actually we enjoy reading 2 a night.

~~~~~~~
Also, need to make some changes for MY time management. Too much living and life to be done and certain thieves have taken way too much from me in the last 9 months.

(Am going to get on my "hill" and preach a mini sermon)

Facebook. All in the name of "social networking", please, we are deceived in the name of "self promotion".

GUILTY as charged!

Facebook appeals to two main components of Sheila; visual and social. Granted, I am SO BLESSED by those who were lost in my past and boy, do I have a grab bag of a past. I am most greatly thankful, but still prefer email exchanges. And, yes, I can real time chat with folks as well, with Tube/TPN friends, local friends. . . see photos--photos and more photos. I can even start discussions on deep and not so deep topics, but. . .

Let's face it, I do not need to know what everyone is thinking, doing, or looking at every great video, that comes down the pike.

Guilty, again.

I can look at it as a wonderful place to spread good information, using it as a networking tool for the different areas which I am called to be a part, but. . .

again.

Time is never gained back and Facebook has an addicting attribute.

Friends? What is a friend? I have almost 500 "friends" on FB. High school friends, former student friends, former co-worker friends, friends from the medical community, friends from local homeschool group, friends from here and friends from there. Friends who make it so you cannot see their wall. . . friends?

I shall utilize this great number for the advancement of good things, good tidings and good words, in moderation and continuance of doing right.

There.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, today is a make-up art class and end of year BOOK club "party" in which I still need to tweak and gather what we are going to do. No problem. . . it will happen.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010 10:29 PM CST

David Peter DeKold

Yeah, so David unloads and loads the dishwasher with expertise. He likes to organize the silverware in the basket compartments so it is easy to unload. He takes out the garbage, all of it, does his laundry (this is not quite mastered without orders), walks Charlie, his dog who WORSHIPS "his boy", and other misc. stuffs. Yeah, house stuffs are important. . . but what I am seeing with David regarding people of shapes, sizes, ages and even colors.

He enjoyed his time with Kody tonight.

He loves spending time at the Harlow-Silverman castle, where a whole new perspective permeates, where parenteral nutrition dominates the refrigerator, NS boxes are in the majority, kitchen counters are covered with familiar cartons of supplies used for infusion and living.

It is a home in which you hear the familiar Gemstar pump sounding or starting. "J-pillows" lazing around. . .

It gives David a taste of how Olivia feels every day in her own home.

A house filled with food stuffs, TPN is something which is housed in the basement fridge, boxes are for building swords and shields. Olivia and her special supplies are truly in the minority.

How important it is to make these connections.

So tomorrow, is a big day. Not your average day, we all have bustling business banging around in the bag of life, but two very special people that you may not know, but we do--are having life altering surgery.

We love you both. We ask for God take hold of the surgeon's hands and give direction and clear instruction as to what needs to happen.

To Jesus.

Friday, November 26, 2010 8:44 PM CST

Olivia and I watched Hitchcock movies today; all day long we watched.

Foreign Correspondant was by far our favorite.

Olivia ran downstairs for her "fluids balls" which she hooks up herself; she infused them all of them today. What a blessing for such a medical aid.

All she has to do is swab, flush and hook up; no prep of a bag and pump. We love the "water balls". . .

Each night Olivia is hooked up to TPN and an "overnight cath" placed. For 8 years she has been TPN dependent; growing and thriving.

For some reason, this old caringbridge site will not allow me to change the photos of main page information, but will allow me to change out the home photos.

Not sure what to do about that as it has been a long haul with this site and would not like to change over at this point.

All is well; we are looking forward to seeing Papa tomorrow as we'll pick up David and our much missed, Charliedog.

TO Jesus.

Thursday, November 25, 2010 3:17 PM CST

Yesterday was Dave's birthday; what a good guy I married. He puts up with my ups and downs and all arounds. . . so thankful for him. He is my Thanksgiving blessing each year.

Flexibility at its finest. We have had our house guests for a week. This Thanksgiving AM Heidi knocks at my door asking about where to take Sean. . . 102 temperature. Not good for a little guy with a port. Antibiotics, hopefully will solve the problem.

Dave off at work, hoping this is his LAST Thanksgiving he'll have to work. Kaj, David, Olivia and I at home working on the feast.

Kaj got sick; called Papa to tell him to take David straight away as Papa cannot get sick. . .

Ponderosa Thanksgiving Feast for them.

So, it was a Flexible Feast today; the food is so secondary any more; not the same as it was as a kid where everyone ate; everyone. Where life was more predictable. I almost envy those with that sort of life, but am reminded of the rich blessings that come from where we are.

Olivia and I are holding down the front with TCM--thankful for black and white movies. . . thankful for my dad who like the Great Adventurer he always has been (in his own way--he is not one to jump out of an airplane, but he'd travel anywhere--and knows thanks first to his grandgirl, olivia about flexibility, now with his own age and "stuffs") got into the spirit of having his David boy. . . Charlie too!

Olivia crawled into my lap -- so thankful my girl still does that -- and said, everyone will be talking about their fantastic Thanksgiving. . . with all their family.

Although, the house is pretty bare this Thanksgiving. . . I feel so blessed by my dears who have kept me company via texts, emails, FB chat. . .

but then again,

NEVER alone. I have my girl and my doggie girl at my side. . .

and He never leaves us nor forsakes us.

To Jesus.

Friday, November 19, 2010 8:14 AM CST

Olivia is a knitting machine. She finished her American Girl Doll sweater and now is working on socks. They are beautiful.

It is gray outside. Cold and gray, not our best season, but it is nice to have a snap in weather to hopefully put allergens at bay.

We have out of town guests for a week starting today; so praying for some slowed up home time for visiting!

TO Jesus!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010 6:02 PM CST

Monday night Olivia came rushing down the stairs after having been playing outside with K, her dear little friend. It was 8 PM and I was still talking with two art students, but as she zoomed over on her little scooter (no more carpet in basement!) I stopped and really looked at her. . .

She was beautiful bright and so happy. With her backpack having been put away a few hours earlier for the day; she looked so. . . normal to me.

Over the weekend Olivia in her zeal to bring up fire wood fell on a piece while climbing the stairs. It was a good welt with some blood; there on the step we hugged one another--and I felt that hope; one day my girl would be a mother.

Then tonight, my husband and his friend talking in the basement; Mr. V talking about how good Olivia looks; how her face no longer looks like a little girl's now she just looked so NOT sick.

These I count as those blessings which can float on by. . . so thankful that Olivia is in a great season; knitting new things every day, riding her scooter, playing tag, reading, playing with her animals. . . and her cello.

Our miracle is right before our eyes.

To Jesus.

Friday, November 12, 2010 10:27 PM CST

As I grow older the importance of touching people, stopping the merry go round; roller coaster. . . long enough to reflect, recalculate and regroup. . . to be more freshly love filled.

Today was art day.

Was an encouraging day with each class. . . and in between times with younger siblings. . .it is an ongoing ART party--and in this case--a PAINTING PARTY!

Meanwhile. . . David, Olivia and M took Charlie down the hill and were children playing. . .breathing possibly the last of this Autumn's breath.

My neighbor and dear friend encouraged me to usher at our local college's Ogle Center so we can see concerts for free.

Tonight was a huge surprise. For one, it is more than just handing out a silly program, but I got to know small tidbits from several folks. Reminded me of why I loved being a waitress so much.

The show itself what top top top notch. Kathy Mattea.

Her song's stories had me in tears, reminding me of so many of the precious people God has given me throughout the years and mainly my parents.

Was good to be sitting by such a friend who knows that her friend may very well cry at the beauty of our setting sun, or song sung on a stage. . . and it is okay, actually it is more than okay.

Reminding me of the wonderful rich story songs. . . my parents played on our dear old "stereo". . . what ever happened to that old friend? How I played it to. . . its death; I'm sure.

Bob Dylan's poetry winding down hills and winding up mountains of man's search. Gordon Lightfoot's minstrel like way of falling in love with a word pictures; John Denver's perspective of some very beautiful places I will always love as a far away home. Clean beautiful poetry.

Glad my dad is coming tomorrow; it is time to see my dear daddy.
It's been too long.

To Jesus.

May His Love Abound.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010 9:58 PM CST

Reading over this--I noticed a glaring verb/subject disagreement which I HAD to fix. . .

Neat day. Lots going on kind of day.

We all went to allergy testing then back home for a short minute before Olivia and I headed to my first appointment with a foot doctor. EXCELLENT physician and thankful for being directed to him.

Neuroma was the diagnosis.

Pads taped to the bottom of my foot and we will see.

Olivia and I headed over to one of our favorite places: The Bennett House.

Many of the residents are very much aware of so much around them and some having had an accident find themselves in this assisted living situation. I love just talking to them and hearing their story; life story, how they lost their spouse, their children, grandchildren. . . one day, I pray that will be me and God will send someone to care enough to ask.

BUT. . . it is also such a great place where Olivia (David is still not feeling well) can see another picture of life.

She can play her instrument and sing at the top of her lungs and there _are_ NO critics in the congregation or audience how ever you view it. She is praised even after slightly out of tune notes, but always they raise their hands in cheers. . .

I can play an out of tune piano and drum out chords to some of my most favorite songs in which most have tossed aside. I cannot play in an orchestra, nor band, no sit on the stage, nor, really do I want to. . . I love to just make pretty sounds that God gave me.

Pumped. To give even when there seems to be little to give. . . but what seems like such a small amount to "us". . . is so great to "them."

God Bless the Bennett House residents. . . and those who work among them and for them.

To Jesus!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010 4:56 PM CST

Neat day. Lots going on kind of day.

We all went to allergy testing then back home for a short minute before Olivia and I headed to my first appointment with a foot doctor. EXCELLENT physician and thankful for being directed to him.

Neuroma was the diagnosis.

Pads taped to the bottom of my foot and we will see.

Olivia and I headed over to one of our favorite places: The Bennett House.

Many of the residents are very much aware of so much around them and some having had an accident find themselves in this assisted living situation. I love just talking to them and hearing their story; life story, how they lost their spouse, their children, grandchildren. . . one day, I pray that will be me and God will send someone to care enough to ask.

BUT. . . it is also such a great place where Olivia (David is still not feeling well) can see another picture of life.

She can play her instrument and sing at the top of her lungs and there is NO critics in the congregation or audience how ever you view it. She is praised even after slightly out of tune notes, but always they raise their hands in cheers. . .

I can play an out of tune piano and drum out chords to some of my most favorite songs in which most have tossed aside. I cannot play in an orchestra, nor band, no sit on the stage, nor, really do I want to. . . I love to just make pretty sounds that God gave me.

Pumped. To give even when there seems to be little to give. . . but what seems like such a small amount to "us". . . is so great to "them."

God Bless the Bennett House residents. . . and those who work among them and for them.

To Jesus!

Monday, November 8, 2010 5:50 PM CST

Retrospectively speaking. . .

Olivia is doing so well. She jams on her cello, knits more and more every day (if that is possible), does her school work with a hard work ethic. Math is one of her dailies no matter what happens, even on Saturdays and it is paying off because as I told her today just as those hard "new" songs on cello come around after mastering the song before, so do new math concepts.

So with us all seemingly over whatever it was that came across our whole house, by the way, not all at the same time, but nonetheless, we are almost running at 85%.

I enjoyed a late afternoon walk with David as he was determining nature for Boy Scouts. I realized afterwards I was "done" and moved to doing more quiet work like ordering his new math books. He suggested I choose "slow shipping" as IF it were an option.

A huge day tomorrow filled with hope. Hope that I may have an answer to my "foot" problem and we continue our allergy testing. A visit with The Bennett House, David's science class and I will see one of my long lost flute students. . . and rounding the day off with the adult art class I am leading in my basement studio which have given me such a blessing.

Thinking Wednesday will be quiet unless we can muster a trip to the Falls of the Ohio with our science friends (well, they are MORE than just science friends!).

To Jesus.

Always.

Monday, November 1, 2010 11:01 PM CDT

Sweet day.

I found David MULTI-TASKING! He was working on his science lab which was basically making rock candy, and was unloading the dishwasher!

Today, I encouraged Olivia to show her "scars" as we were talking about scars with friends.

She ended up not showing her scar as she told me tonight as I was hooking up. . .

"They would have seen an herb garden; my strawberry and my trees."

Olivia is in such a great season of growing. . . cello, knitting, drawing or painting, math and reading. That is Olivia.

To Jesus.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 10:41 PM CDT

Another one for the record book; day that is.

Art, music and beautiful people.

After teaching the Saturday AM art lesson, the kids and I scurried over to Louisville for the day Suzuki String Camp.

Once we figured out "who" we were and "where" we were to go and settled into the day, it was wonderful.

My children experienced well oiled teaching by folks who not only know their stuff but are ignited by leading a group of children-young folks. I got to sit back and have my own mini teaching seminar watching these particular experts. I connect with their teaching and enjoy knowing that I am not the only one (it can get lonely) who loves the creative art of teaching a group of children your passion.

One of the master violinists expressed how important music is as a "team" playing and working together--when making such beautiful sounds it is hard to be angry at one another.

Just yesterday I was preaching once again how important the creative people have been to history of man's ability to make and do new things. It is the artist who then turns inventor; is it not? I grow weary of the belittlement of the fine arts as something frivolous. I believe the brightest of human beings who ever walked this earth were painters, renderers, and thinkers who then could formulate into action of an invention which served mankind.

We think differently; we sometimes move differently, but to assume we are flakey, unpredictable or unorganized as if it were a bad thing--or maybe our organization "looks" different.

It just pressed upon me today, that my children were NOT just learning their instrument, but how to work within and follow authority, listen and apply, maneuver their way around a college building, and exhibit self-control, etc.

Something which hit me so hard today, in a good way: I was talking with another mom whose children play violin and she said; "I'm amazed that after hearing Minuet 2 five thousand times, that I still love it."

Yes! Agreed! I can play it 5,000 more times, or hear it played as well and it will still find those beautiful living places in my heart.

I am thankful that we were made to have the ability to be creative. I find it one of the biggest gifts God gave us as humans, second only to His giving His Son to die for all of mankind.

After Olivia's 2 "class" she said she wished the string camp was EVERY day of the year. She so loved it. I am amazed as to how VOCAL she is in her classes, always raising her hand to answer; whereas David will answer, but ask him to play by himself and he will shrink into the floor. Olivia LOVES to spotlight!

Towards the end, I was sitting out in the hallway talking with another mom and another mom came out to tell me that Olivia was getting ready to lead the group in counting in Latin! The teacher had asked who knew another language OTHER than English, Spanish, Chinese, Korean and Russian. . . Olivia raised her hand.

Latin. It was great. Proud of my beeping backpack cello wearing girl.

To Jesus.

MAJOR SIDE NOTE:

WE had a wonderful visit from Miss Donna, Papa and our COUSINS! JAMES, CASSIE and BABY LUCAS. (I'm in LOVE!) I even got to talk with Aunt Becca. . .

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 11:39 AM CDT

Just a plain Journal

Off Topic and all.

The older my children grow to be the more of the miracle of life unfolds.

All of us as mothers, even those of your grandmothers and GREAT-grandmothers out there can relate to this thing called motherhood and the ever changing aspects of growing human beings under your authority.

The kids and I studied about developing a close relationship with your parents this week within Olivia's Bright Lights devotional.

Children need to have a developed relationship with their parents, yes, even through, "teen-hood" as it will help keep them on track and doing for the Lord what He would have for them. The world will tell them to seek their friends, even their church leaders, and maybe even internet advice.

The devotional listing of ways to "do" this relationally speaking is so contrary to what our society would claim to be "healthy" for young people.

Here are some examples:

~Expressing thankfulness.

*Sharing your life with your parents: prayer requests, details of your day, struggles.

~Asking for advice, caution and direction.

*No secret keeping.

~Trusting them.

*Maintaining a clear conscience with parents.

Even in our "churches" (meaning that place where people go and separate their families into categories) we see youth directors who take the place of the youth's parents--maybe not on purpose, but it divides the family and cuts into the core. It starts as early as preschool Sunday School classes; dropping off your children for spiritual food by whom?

God has never let me down from the beginning. He has directed me with David and Olivia from the start; answering prayers that were never even spoken, a true testament that He loves them far more than I ever could.

This is not to say that we as parents have not totally messed up--usually by going our "own way" or seeking "men's advice" on parenting or just plain heeding what others are doing.

All of the above ideas are very clearly pointing to the heart.

Side Note or as some say OFF Topic:

David is getting a taste of what I have been preaching for some time now; he is the patrol leader for his patrol. My children having not only been in group situations and in my art classes know the expectations of what it means to be in a "class" setting. Another side blessing from my teaching art--as always, you learn so much more than just the subject at hand.

There is little bridging from child to adult in our society these days. Adults are afraid if their expectations are too high, the children will no longer have unadulterated fun, therefore want to "quit" and what would that mean to the adult's efforts?

Have FUN; stand on chairs, act goofy while adults are talking, live for yourself.

We live in the days of video games, fast food and caffeinated drinks.

It just reminds me: I am not called to keep my children as my children but to raise them, grow them, nurture them into a gentleman and lady. How can a parent truly do this if they do not have a developed relationship with their child?

To Jesus!

Sunday, October 17, 2010 7:56 AM CDT

David, Olivia and I finished listening to _The Hiding Place_. If you ever attended a Christian school you have read the story of the Dutch Christian family who hid Jewish people during WWII.

I first heard about this book when my beloved seventh graders were reading it for Bible. In many ways my students at NBCS taught me more than I them; especially the first few years. This was an example of how the whole school learned together.

There are several nuggets of pure wisdom which is poured out throughout this nonfictional story especially by the older sister and father of the author.

One which pierced my heart almost 20 years ago still did yesterday as we listened (Focus on the Family's audio series--HIGHLY recommended) to the trials and tribulations that were really trials and tribulations.

The two sisters had just been moved to a different concentration camp which was well over the capacity and required that the women sleep together on their bunk. As they situated themselves in the bed among other women they felt a bite.

Fleas!

Betsie ten Boom used this opportunity to share the scripture to give thanks in all things. We throw that around and is easy to throw around for the most part in easy living America. Corrie struggled to thank God for the fleas that night, but later God reveals to them the blessing of fleas. None of the guards; man nor woman would enter their building and torment the women because the building was infested with FLEAS!

Protection.

I have often felt that my daughter having pseudo obstruction has been like an infestation of fleas which may seem at first, a sentence of hardship and difficult circumstances. For some time I have ascertained that through Olivia's disease God has protected us. He has protected us from having to comply to this world's/society's race. God has used this disorder to bind us together as a family; soften hearts and give Olivia a beautiful platform. I cannot begin to know all--just as others who have trial in their lives--God will bring good from it.

"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open."
� Corrie ten Boom

To Jesus.

Friday, October 15, 2010 3:54 AM CDT

Wonderful days.

If Autumn decides to stay we may be able to wear the appropriate clothing for the day.

We visited a special new doctor yesterday; we pray he will help David, especially, with his allergies which in turn will help his asthma. He is miserable and it really affects his day to day energy. Olivia and I met with this doctor as well which was fun. They both agreed that they cannot wait to see Dr. C again.

That is in the AM.

Taught a flute lesson and had Latin Club here at our house.

Ran over to music lessons and then over to Louisville to meet our new friend from Nigeria. She is a U of L student and so very beautiful and sweet. We all dropped David off at his ensemble practice then we three girls had pizza.

It was interesting to hear about her life and am looking forward to getting to know her better.

Ran back to pick up the boy, drop off our friend and take David to a camp-out/service project for scouts.

Home felt good, but it was good to get out and experience new places and people. That is for sure--I went to several new places in one day and met a NEW person.

Today is art day; cannot sleep, thinking about my boy and praying he is warm enough; Olivia is dumping; Dave works too much; Autumn seems to really be here now and much is needed to do for preparation of winter.

But a soup is on the stove, and Dave's lunch is packed. . .I can rest a bit longer knowing that painting with children of all ages and sizes will take up my Friday. One of my favorite things to do.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 7:27 PM CDT

Stop the wheel for the day. We had hoped to meet with friends, but Olivia needed a home day.

Dave ended up being off of work!

We did BOOK work, baked banana bread--FINALLY started our sour dough and had a family meal together.

It rained once we were home from a short walk with dogs and now I my children play chess.

Quiet rain, peace.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 7:24 AM CDT

Olivia's season as of late has been one of a typical 10 year old girl on the outside--for the most part--although she and I (especially) talk frequently about different parts of who she is it is always interesting to know how comfortable she is with who she is. Olivia tells me when she is ready to "show" folks what is under her shirt. We have had a lot of new people in our lives over the last year and she is now feeling comfortable to share.

She was asked to participate in a group called "Bright Lights" which is a Bible study for youth 10+.

In this study we have dove into what it means to be a youth and to not waste the years of youth on wrong decisions; my aim is to give her a firm foundation now before puberty hits and other concerns begin. Although this study is directed towards the girls, it is VERY applicable to boys as well. It has been our daily devotional.

As I was previewing the upcoming groups of lessons I see there is one attending the accepting how you were made. It will be interesting to see what their slant on this is, but since this study is built on testimonials from young ladies I think a good project would be for Olivia to really speak to how she was made on the inside.

For most American girls are bombarded by today's media through movies, magazines, televisions, well, pretty much everywhere. Society's whims play a part as to how our hair is supposed to look like down to the type of shoes to be worn. It is natural to look at someone else's nose and wish it were yours, or to have different color hair or skin tone, but I wonder if many American or any other young ladies ever consider what if they had different set of gastrointestinal tract.

Wonder if they wish they had a stomach which would empty as it was intended or if their intestines absorbed nutrients properly, or to have a colon which absorbed fluids and a bladder that would indicate when it was time to urinate.

Just a fun thought. To give THANKS for the good and bad; hard and easy parts of life. Stomachs and hearts, bones and skin, lungs and kidneys. . .

I was reminded the other day how RARE pseudo obstruction is and thankfully we live in the United States of America where we DO have the best doctors. I watched a You Tube about a young girl being admitted for 6 MONTHS while they got her TPN regulated, etc. in Europe. Wow. I looked at the sibling and how she must have missed being with her parents and little sister. I do not claim to know the whole story, but thankfully, Olivia's initial stay was less than a month including major surgery.

So, as we start into some deeper water as we continue to the horizon--I look to the Son to continue to unravel all the beautiful parts. . . different but beautiful.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:10 PM CDT

Big days have caught up to Olivia.

She could barely make it through the grocery store; big bed action with knitting and a TCM movie.

Yep, this is it. Thankful that she loves to be productive while she rests.

Rest, relief and renew.

TO Jesus

Sh

Sunday, October 10, 2010 6:45 PM CDT

Home!

This past weekend I was blessed to get away with other women from all over Indiana. Laid back, restful moments, coupled with bites of meat from my Father's table have calmed my spirit and satisfied my soul.

I even rode a horse!

Meanwhile, Dave had the kids at a scouting event, selling pizza and Olivia and Dave took a carriage ride in New Albany.

Overall, it was a great weekend.

David and his Papa Virg are at Great American Ball Park to watch the Reds (I have NO IDEA who they are playing!) in the first play off game!

Enjoying the month of October but summer weather.

Friday, October 8, 2010 0:41 AM CDT

The sky in all the darkness it owns--is awake with me.

Distant dogs respond to another--wilder than they.

Owls in a duet never to be seen--assures me they too are awake.

Glorious night I dream for you to pass for I hold firmly that tomorrow's mercies are once again new.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The days here have flowed like milk and honey. Purely out of my hands as I let go of these moments of open learning--which one day will soon be a past; wanting to enjoy the freedom there is with beautiful weather and home schooling my two children.

Olivia's medical season is a good one. This does not mean that today in the heat she did not melt like a chocolate bar; she did. Had I known the temperatures were to rise into the summer heat range again; we could have been better prepared.

Wednesday our morning was our typical with the addition of a fire in the fireplace. We headed out to deliver a meal for some friends which then ended up being one of those open learning times--we got our own private lesson on some common insectas we could see around our home from our "BUG GUY" friend. It was memory tucked away into the beauty of home schooling.

Today was a dot to dot day. It is my term for those days where we go to point A, B, C, D and maybe even E and F! Although I honestly was in a bit of overwhelm--dread mode--this morning--I handed it over to Him to orchestrate and handle.

As each event unfolded and folded away to be neatly tucked into our day's memory--I was increasingly amazed as to such a g r e a t day it turned to be.

Breakfast out with Bible devotions--discussing TRAPS which one can fall into as a youth. . .off to Target to buy the boy some clothes that fit--Latin club where the kiddos made their own Latin shirts--over to Olivia's cello lesson--then to pick up Matthew at school so he could go with us down to New Albany's Harvest Homecoming where David played his violin. Here I MUST stop but we had an interesting time when we parked in the back parking lot of a renovated gas station. I struck up a conversation with the owner and on our way back he ended up giving us a full tour of his place! Was neat for the kiddos to hear. Then over to Northside Church where David helped with a flag ceremony during a dinner in support of Life.

It can unfold even more here, but there I must stop.

Rest in the relief of a reunion. Earthly and Heavenly.

To Jesus.

Monday, October 4, 2010 7:15 PM CDT

http://articles.complexchild.com/oct2010/00244.html

This is an article which I wrote with the help of an amazing editor.

To Jesus.

Monday, October 4, 2010 7:49 AM CDT

Everyone is still asleep; a testament to the fact that Dave worked long hours over his 5 day week and David had a camp-out. For Olivia to still be sleeping means a lot too, but that is a whole other story.

David enjoyed his camp-out but alas, due to being a good buddy missed out on another merit badge. David loves to work on his merit badges and I think right now he is learning more that what some patch would mean. Helping him to see it is not about the award, but the reward.

It also has me thinking about something which has bothered me during my time as a mother. I was not sure if it was the fact that I was a transplant in this nation of Southern Indiana where everyone seems to already know one another, or if it was just the flavor of this area--or just small town competition__OR__ could be my expectations upon one another is far greater than it should be. Guilty.

I guess I have my parents to blame and being a recovering classroom teacher.

You cannot be a classroom teacher and focused on just one child--even if it is your own. When I think back to my dad and how he ran his soccer team (or even his classroom) on which my brother played or even just how my parents rooted for my softball team. I saw their devotion to the whole and many individuals as much as my brother and me. Their concern was not just for their own, but for those surrounding.

~~They were living the life of outreach for sure in pure natural form. Even without having gone to a committee training session or signing up to do it. . . they just did it.

One of the most remarkable stories from the fruit of their efforts was from a young man-child who was the same age as my own brother. My parents' acceptance and respect to this young man made such a lasting impression which as he stated kept him out of prison or worse.

Funny, most adult children will look to their parents as the source of negative attributes, but do we look to them for the positive?

The conversations I have had recently with David all flow in this direction of outreach. Not always being with people who make you comfortable, but stretching out to those who really could use a friend and love you in a not so conventional looking friendship. David has plenty of opportunities for this for which I am MOST grateful.

I am praying he can keep his eyes off of the earthly prizes and onto the eternal ones.

Friday, October 1, 2010 5:17 PM CDT

OCTOBER!

This week's home schooling adventure wrap up:

It was a full week of treasured moments with friends. Today was book clubs here. I fell short as I had not gotten around to reading the book, but I think the meeting time was a success.

David is off to spend two nights away at Boy Scout camp-out this weekend. Olivia, Miss L and I are going to head over there tomorrow to see what these BOY SCOUTS are ALL about in TROOP 12!

It will make the weekend without him less long. He was already gone two nights this week, so that is a lot away from home time for a 12 year old boy who has a hefty school load this year.

Autumn's air really has our attention.

To Jesus!
Sh

Thursday, September 30, 2010 8:37 PM CDT

Got the boy back and we got on track.

If I were a classroom teacher, Olivia would be a favorite. She does her work without being told; works HARD. . . and is really learning. She has her moments of OUTER SPACE where did THAT come from, but really, Olivia is sharper than most tacks.

Cello was especially delicious today. I held back from photographing the moment, but it is definitely in my mother's heart. Olivia playing along with her profile and her teacher in the background watching; Olivia is really coming along. I am excited for her.

David and I had our time to talk on the drive home from his ensemble tonight. Oh that boy! He is going to wear this mama out! ALL good stuff, talking and tweeking about character issues, but all in all; he is coming along.

Rest.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:47 PM CDT

This week has made for some great times out of the house.

Today was the Louisville Zoo with friends. The friends part is important. Olivia loves John and she followed him all around on the playground to keep watch on him. His mom alerted me to the photo opportunity in the above photo.

Most of the animals were in the mood for performing which made it all the more enhanced.

David is with Papa tonight and tomorrow the Olivia girl and I will run up and grab David.

Thankful for this healthy "able" season for all of us. We never take it lightly or for granted.

Thankful our little friend Melissa is home. We continue to pray for our dear friends far away who are in need of strength, wisdom and rest.

To Jesus.
Sh

Wednesday, September 29, 2010 6:55 AM CDT

It seems Fall has settled a bit more here with it being sweater weather. It is a relief in that now we do know that promise of rest is soon upon us--winter. Also, we now really hope for some good rainy days to help solidify our plants before winter and then of course fall means the end of baseball which means there has to be a winner.

The Cincinnati Reds seem to be it! I barely follow the Reds any more, but if I were to put a banner in my front yard it would have to do with the Cincy Reds or the U Cincy Bearcats. Are there any other teams? I just know that it gives my dad such delight and that makes me smile.

The great thing about the timing is Papa is taking David to a game tonight. Cincy will be ignited with Reds fever and will be a fun night for both.

So it seems our September and now into October "school"--"learning" has a very unconventional look to it, but one that is full of variety and wonders.

The highlights for this week so far has been our meeting with another family to study the Days of Creation. We firmly believe that this is not some fairy tale story. My friend read great information and followed up with experiments. Our first meeting was on Light. The beauty of teaching is all about learning. We extended the science experiment which then turned in an art project. Just a wonderful surprise to start the week. Thank you, Lord for like minded people...friends.

That evening David and his dad ran down to scouts where David was voted in as some kind of patrol leader. He told me that he has wanted this since some early life time moment for him. He loves scouting.

Meanwhile, I had an art class with my oldest of students and Tamster came up and helped Olivia sew a REAL JEAN skirt! They took apart old jeans to make it into a LONG jean skirt!

Tuesday was preparing for science and oh, yes, preparing for science. David's first held accountable class--General Science. It is a beefy course but he is doing really well--got an A on his 2nd test. That was after having being gone for a week and cramming to get it all in before last week's class. That is a huge sigh of relief that we are now in a season of relatively normal routine for now.

IF you were to put aside weekend camp-outs and Reds games!

All coming together to make a cool school atmosphere for the boy turning into a very young man.

Olivia had a sweet day at a friend's house knitting and other sorts of things. She also enjoyed her "BRIGHT LIGHTS" last night. She got to hang out with girls she has known for a long while, but also new girls. A wonderful experience.

Olivia has been singing, non stop. In Christ Alone. . . down to Jesus Loves Me.

She is joyfully content right now in her life; I can sense it and see it. No major glitches happening for her and with that I will run like the wind. Today we go to the zoo with friends (they still wanted us even WITHOUT David!) and trying to do as much as we can before it turns too cold.

Praying for Laura and Melissa.

To Jesus

Saturday, September 25, 2010 3:18 PM CDT

The Blessings of a Birthday.

How incredible to have my parents still. When I think of my birthday I think of them. I do not remember amazing gifts, but their time they gave to me. They continue to be still those same people who would lay it all down for my needs rather than their own.

Dave and I have been away from each other due to his immediate departure to St Louis to see his parents soon after the kids and I returned from VA. How good it was for all four of us last night to be up (later than needed) talking and being a family.

September 24 is a great day too, it is the day my Uncle Paul was born and now someone who is very special to me, Miss Donna. I cannot let that day pass--Birthday EVE without thinking of either of them.

My birthday was simply time spent as I wanted to spend it. Nothing planned--just spontaneous out and about-ness! I like that idea. It would have been perfect if I had had my niece, my mom and dad (Yes, brother, SIL, etc., but I would much rather have Carolyn ALL to myself--it is after all my birthday!) and it was sweet as Olivia and I drove to E. P. Tom Sawyer for the annual LUPUS Walk. (THIS was pre-planned!) We walked to honor a dear friend here in Southern Indiana who has been a sweet tender friend. Olivia and I took Velvet with us who, by the way is quite the little walker. Jamie's husband had a team and we walked with them. As we walked and hearing the different groups chanting--and some people struggling to walk at all--signs saying I am walking "in memory". . . made for a reflective first mile.

Today is also the last day of MITOCHONDRIAL DISEASE awareness week. It is a struggle to even begin to think of how many children we know who have passed away. . . so young.

Time for eternal perspective.

Any time I am in Louisville I TRY to visit Miss Donna. Today she was still at home so I got to peek in and hear some NEW music which was the spiritual icing on the cake. The words were poetic and music quiet. Thankful that God allows folks to make music that really touches my soul.

Where are Dave and David? Selling popcorn for BOY SCOUTS! My boy LOVES Boy Scouts and it gives me great pleasure to know he is having a blast and is with his buddies.

Love my earthly parents for all they are to me.

To Jesus.

Friday, September 24, 2010 10:04 PM CDT

Happy Birthday, Miss Donna!

Today was a F U L L, BIG. . .day with many unexpected turns of events which God continued to iron out each wrinkle and pressed in His ways.

It started out with David having an upset stomach. Not good since he was being a host to a friend all day long. Worked that out and the first art class.

To say it was windy today would be the UNDERSTATEMENT of the year. I have no idea what the MPH was, but it was enough to hold up my beach towel on the big oak tree.

First art class we did the Claude Monet and worked outside looking at Ch's tree and drawing it using the proportions and chalk pastels.

Visited with a dear from church afterwards and reminded my two children who were NOT eating today to remember to make something for their guests, at which time Olivia has M with her.

Next class, my dear intermediates who most have been with me 5-6 years? We painted.

Mr. Wells was 45 minutes early with 2 snakes and 5 turtles to show. It was the end of art class 2 so it worked out well for this group to meet the reptiles as well as the last class.

Then it happened. . .

IT RAINED!

Snakes wrapped around necks and arms, little musk turtles and a map turtle; neat day.

All was topped off with Daddy coming in just in time to take everyone popcorn selling while I was swept away. . .

Thank you, T.

Blessed me so.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010 3:45 PM CDT

Dry and dusty land.

Parched and hungry all at the same time.

My eye is twitching and sleep is clearly not mine. The last few days working on an article for an online newsletter, rereading certain events of this CB journal I am found parched. Digging into the pockets of the past, time to sleep in His peace and promises.

The central line repair went well as far as we know at this point in time. Olivia's CVL is still taped down to her side and wearing a little splint around it to keep it from moving to and fro allowing the glue to set.

Dave was a gem to take Olivia and loved hearing her talk of their travels to our Cincinnati we need so much.

The wind has picked up and leaves are falling. I wonder if they will have a time to turn their colors.

Monday, September 20, 2010 1:21 PM CDT

After a much needed down day for the kids and me (Dave had NO sort of down day as he did not get home from work until after 11 PM) today has been slowly productive.

Dave offered to take Olivia to Cincy for the repair; Olivia was good with it and it was settled.

Dave texted me asking dates; I used to be so great at dates, but now have to refer to this journal.

So little girl will have a repaired line--home at a decent time--so we can rest and ready for the remainder of this week.

She worked on 3 days worth of math before heading up this morning. She is determined to stay on track with her math.

Dave and Olivia will pick up our doggies afterwards which will be fun; am jealous they get to see Papa.

Sunday, September 19, 2010 8:22 AM CDT

Home.

After saying our good byes to Heidi, Kaj and Sean we drove 5 minutes down the road to where my cousins have a small shop and work.

We saw them all--a blessing as my dad's sister was in town as well. The kids loved it and was a great icing on the cake. I was especially impressed how my cousin's 27 year old son who recently became a dad, asked me how Olivia was doing. Not too many people will just ask point blank--or even want to start the dialogue.

We drove from somewhere in Newport News to home with two stops in 10.5 hours. It would have been less but I believe there was a UK game and it was highly congested from Lexington to Louisville. David and I listened to his Suzuki cd the last miles--whistling; Olivia slept.

Just as suspected the last few days on our trip, Olivia's line has a smaller than a pin prick hole in her central line. It is only visible when it is "flushed" which last night at 1ish AM I flushed and we both saw it this time.

We are tired, have yet to unpack the car then get up and do it again.

Feeling a bit sad in my heart from such a great time of learning and visiting with friends and family to the reality of the frail parts of this life.

Need His strength.

To Jesus.

Friday, September 17, 2010 8:38 AM CDT

Had a few queries about Olivia's status.

Before we left she was rather precarious with the side pain.

Since being here she had had more output than we have seen in years, which requires her to be hooked up 24 hours a day. I do think we have kept on top of it enough as other "things" look good. Last night, however, I could hear body fluids blub-blubbing inside her and she awoke with the side pain.

That "loop" inside is a concern.

On our way to Jamestown Settlement we drove along the James River and took a stop there. The children immediately began their sand fort building while I walked the beach. It was soothing to be against the water and to see what many had seen 400 years ago.

Jamestown Settlement. It was a beautiful gallery of exhibits showing the history of Jamestown. We also learned about the way of life of the Powhatan Indian. Olivia connected with the basket weaver and so we hung back and waited for the crowd to leave and spoke with her. She gave Olivia some raffia to make her own rope which Olivia immediately mastered. As we walked to the fort she lagged behind David and me for she was busy twisting and wrapping--two simple steps.

We boarded ships and then made our way back to the museum. We found the basket weaver again and spoke to a young man showing how they made the deer bone needles which they used for weaving. Anyone have deer bones? Would love to make some needles!

We hopped back into the car and drove down I 64 (I will never look at our I 64 the same again!) to find the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel. It was probably not the best of time, but then again it was. It gave all of us some down time of listening to Narnia--as we tooled quietly along the rush hour traffic to find this famous bridge.

Each time we came to a tunnel D and O would hold their breath! We stopped at the restaurant/gift shop/pier twice. The first time the sun was still a few inches in the sky so we could see well. The assorted birds, fishermen and their poles, various loud airplanes and the water crashing; I was in sensory overload--the sounds and sights were so much! I could barely walk. It was wonderful.

We drove further across the Bay and found the Wildlife Refuge. Again, beauty and I knew one day we would have to come back maybe even with Dave!

By the time we drove back to our restaurant/gift shop/pier the sun was about to slip over the edge of the earth. It was a FANTASTIC event! We stood and gawked and yipped as if we had never seen a sunset and it was only an annual event. With the sun tucked down under the water's horizon we headed into the restaurant for dinner.

Our drive home was much faster without the build up of traffic. Although now well into dark, we headed back to the hotel where we shared our day with our friends and they theirs.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010 9:36 PM CDT

Williamsburg. For me--fifes and drums. I could have marched up and down with them, must find a fife for me to bring home and one for David DeWilligen, too.

. . .

Overwhelming with wheelchairs and shuttle buses.

We were rejected due to the type of bus. Olivia and I had the most amazing talk about revolutions, 1960 Rosa Parks, disabilities which are unseen to the general public. The overall attitude from the bus drivers was. . . disappointing. Sad.

She spouted it all out there; my intuitive daughter--we two, sitting next to one another.

I enjoy her more and more each day as she shares her heart and loves.

We talk a lot about love and showing it even when it is not easy.

Tonight she said how she enjoyed all the acting today, but when she is older she'll what she has seen at Columbia State Park in California; candle dipping, only she'll own her own knitting shop where she will have all sorts of yarns and knitted items for the tourists. She went on and on. . . until she said, she was so tired--that if I were to ask her about her central line she would say it is "Cheryl's Lake"--which she once told me in the middle of the night.

Sleep girl.

‎. . .She had courage for the big challenges and patience for the little ones. . . something someone said about Abby Rockefeller which stuck with Olivia and me. Not a direct quote; could not remember it completely, but this is the essence of it.

To Jesus

Tuesday, September 14, 2010 9:42 AM CDT

Two years ago at this time Miss Olivia was in the PICU fighting a nasty fever after an exploratory gone emergency surgery.

It took in my human frailty well over a year to come to grips with what can happen with an uncomplicated complicated child--my daughter.

The last two years I may have made immense mistakes with people and my growing weary of explaining--God gave me the true refuge I so needed.

He showed me even though we live in uncertain times; He is certain. Even though my family's direction changed abruptly and very invisible to many--He has never been invisible since 1998 in my heart and life. His guidance has been constant.

Yesterday while standing before a demonstration of cannons the gentleman asked Olivia if she wanted to come help, but to leave her backpack and stuff with me. No can do!

She looks so typical so normal; thankfully so, but in the same breath it is so hard for people to understand--even her own family at times what it is like.

We enjoyed the farm--the buildings, and seeing Olivia in her period dress made it worth it all even for that one moment.

Yorktown was yesterday--today will be WIlliamsburg.

To Jesus

Saturday, September 11, 2010 9:10 PM CDT

Somewhere in WV.

In KY there were beautiful clouds and rolling horse farms and rainbow after rainbow.

WV was rain and darkness and of course toll booths and night.

We are cozy and safe in our small little room for the night; ready to snuggle.

A delightful array of all sorts of CD learning from Egyptian history to Shakespeare's Julius Caesar to the story of three Jewish holidays.

I love my children and so enjoy our travels although we do miss Dave/Daddy. . . he is tracking us via the wonderful world of technology.

Tomorrow we'll be with our friends and somewhere in VA.

TO Jesus. . .

Friday, September 10, 2010 8:31 PM CDT

Tomorrow at some point the kids and I head to the East. We are meeting up with Heidi and her two boys. Jamestown, Yorktown and Williamsburg are having their home schooling days.

Seems whenever we head out the door I jam pack the week which was the case again this time!

The last few days have been more than enough, and amazingly most of the dots have been connected. Tomorrow will the most critical to connect as I cannot forget certain vital supplies for Miss O.

She had a G O O D day! She felt better today which has been a huge concern and now we call it an answer to prayer.

Olivia runs over to our neighbor girl, Miss K's birthday party; David will sell popcorn again tomorrow morning and I will have an art class before we all head to the east side of our country.

We look forward to learning and being with friends. . . I am in need of some regrouping time. . .direction on some possibilities which have been stewing for some time.

To Jesus.

Thursday, September 9, 2010 9:03 PM CDT

Never quite sure how much to tell when in a new situation. Sometimes I struggle with the complete way to recreate what it is--pseudo obstruction. No one wants anyone to feel uncomfortable and Olivia's comfort is most important.

She is a girl who wears a backpack all the time right now. Hoping that after tonight's flooding of G and J bag that she may have real relief and turning the corner. So, it is a fact, that this side pain is very much in relation to fluid being stuck in that same place. Over 500 ml came out of her J within 1 minute of hooking it on and her syringing and unclogging.

Her "lightbulb" went on and surely so--she knows now.

Today was Latin, cello/violin lessons and off to Louisville for "auditions" for placement in ensemble groups.

I have to say, Olivia did so well, but they are not equipped for her level--maybe next semester!

David was placed in a group which was far above his ability which gave us all a huge chuckle, but will be rectified.

When there is no need for people to know. . .

Major hydration needed--lots out--pseudo obstruction. . . no eating in sight.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010 8:48 PM CDT

O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;

Psalm 63:1

It has not rained here for some time; I could not tell you the last time and although the wind and sky has put on an act that something was going to happen--still no rain.

So tonight, I broke down and watered the biggest plants which were almost dead. I love turgor pressure. It was one of the most fascinating discoveries back at NBCS teaching 7th grade life science.

It was in that Bob Jones life science book that I learned that leaves actually had stomata.

Stoma-singular
Stomata-plural

When Dr. Kaul announced Olivia was in need of G and J tubes, ileostomy--then came the word stoma.

I remember telling Olivia about how leaves, too, had stoma. . . stomata.

A little flower she has been lately, for her turgor pressure has not been good. I gave her a Liter tonight which seemed to help in bringing her back a bit, but still she seems wilted.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010 10:28 AM CDT

Always refreshing to spend time with sisters, friends, dears. Last night we had one of our TPNsupport families stay with us for the second time in our home?

I believe so, we have met in Cincy once or twice as well.

It was nice to catch up and hear some news of the day.

It is not often that the opportunity arises to speak to Olivia's medical challenges

(not that THAT is what I "need" to do anyway. . . as I could if I needed to. . .and do as I am blessed with people who will listen--lend an ear.)

but when one is submerged in thinking a lot about it over a time period it always bring to mind pockets of memories which have been tucked away.

As you reach into that pocket and bring it out and see with the eyes, ears and hands you have now; it is God's mercy and miracle wonder power.

David's allergies are problematic. Olivia is busily reading for her book club; she is "fasting" from knitting which I find intriguing. I do believe she wants to save up all her hand energy for our trip.

It is quiet today.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010 11:06 PM CDT

David struggled so much with sleeping last night. He is one allergenic boy. It comes on like a flick of a switch and is miserable. He needs some real relief. We pulled out the over the counter pharm help.

It was mostly melt down city until another bath helped sooth his pains of that dreaded misery one calls allergies. Thankfully, I have sympathetic friends who are ready to help.

Full of hope.

Olivia rises and ready. She does her work without being told; cleaned her room and prepared it for our overnight guests. . . she even put the comforter out to air. Nothing fancy does she have but she wanted to make it look nice. I should have taken a before and after picture.

It was windy out front tonight; a beautiful sunset which I could not believe I did not have my phone on me. (some of you chuckle here) As I do believe I have a phone camera addiction. Constantly capturing small tidbits of the day easily with my phone.

So nice to visit with our friends who home school and do the pouch, TPN and tube thing--on a girl! :)

To Jesus!
Sh

Tuesday, September 7, 2010 4:25 AM CDT

Sometimes I wake up and just cannot sleep. The combine sound of the fan and the wind howling from the deck door, the rhythm is still very much night although most days Dave is getting up about now.

Weekend was full, good, a bit overwhelming in the sense of my not having done much labor. Dave worked and with help from Mr. V got much accomplished in his garage! So, I have to say, Dave had a pretty laborious weekend whereas I and the kids not so. I am learning to turn off the work mode when possible and enjoy things a bit more. Easier said than done!

We will prepare for our field trip coming this Saturday. The kids and I are joining another home schooling family who just happen to live in ID in Colonial Williamsburg for home schooling DAYS!

I cannot believe it is almost here and so much yet to be made ready!

Olivia is a bit stressed about something which she and I have been trying to deduce what for a few days now. She has begun licking her lips. She just called for me to empty her pouch and I asked her if it was the trip--she said, maybe-the 10 hour drive is a bit daunting for her. Funny, girl. She has traveled by car to California!

So, we'll kick it back to what I call SKELETAL School this week. David keeping up on his Sci class, violin and book club reading and Olivia math, cello, book club reading and handwriting--oh and Latin! Maybe I should say SKELETAL with some muscles thrown in. . .

TO Jesus.

Saturday, September 4, 2010 5:12 AM CDT

Another good week completed. Being back at book learning is close to finding a rhythm which works well. The weather is far cooler at night which is a new promise of Fall to come.

With over FORTY art students coming to our home to learn more about art, I have to be organized on all fronts. This year we are using Leonardo da Vinci as our Featured Artist. Finding interesting facts about him, showing his art and using what he learned to relate into our lessons. We have drawn hands using pencil and a chalk landscape. My older students looked at Edward Hopper's landscape as their spring board.

My focus is still on the fine arts and how we as human beings have that gift to make things. I also want the students to understand creativity a bit more, art is just one way to be creative. A mother is one of the most creative people groups out there. She is continuously solving problems. If she is a HOMEschooling mom, like the beautiful women I know, then well, she is an amazing creature of creativity whether she has ever drawn a tree or painted a portrait!

Art is solving a problem, just as many of the other disciplines.

I truly believe that everyone should take a basic drawing course.

Learning to see.
Phil Foster

Resourceful, Flexible, Attentiveness.

I totally grasp the flexible and resourcefulness, but really appreciate the concept of being attentive.

How can we help others if we are not creative in approach? If we are not resourceful--willing to seek new avenues to help or to be flexible enough to know when one needs to change course?

Attentiveness is key. My prayer is for the children to not just "listen" to me, but to start really looking about them at the details of not just cloud shadows, trunks of trees, colors but for the mood of a neighbor, people you meet.

People! Because if we are so consumed with our abilities and gifts/talents what good is that if we are not aware of the amazing creation of people?

My youngest "official" student is 5 years old. I have two of them. Then, well, not sure how old the oldest is--I know she is a grandmother as her daughter is in the same class. I love teaching adults! It has been such a huge boost in my learning process.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Olivia continues to enjoy _Mr. Popper's Penguins_ and the reading thing has helped boost her school experience as a whole.

She loves her little desk in the "big room" and proudly sits there and works even as I teach flute! I love it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After having our "neighbors" over for a make your own pizzas (store bought Naan bread is an awesome quick pizza dough, BTW) as a rather impromptu meeting (something we rarely do--as that end of my creative source can be dry) Olivia and I curled up for a Sofa Sleepover watching Star Wars. I do believe we both fell asleep before it was over. . .

To Jesus.

Thursday, September 2, 2010 5:12 PM CDT

"You know what I have decided? I like to read, not when I'm forced to, but I like to read."

My heart leaps!

Something has clicked within Olivia; she has grown so much since restarting our book learning. We drug the little one piece school desk out of David's room and Olivia set it for her up stairs school nest in it.

This morning comprised of David's tightening his violin song and Olivia doing her math, reading, handwriting. Walking dogs, getting dressed up and heading over to Louisville.

We had a field trip to the wonderful Louisville Orchestra's rehearsal! Since we were there early and wandering around inspecting all the large pieces of art a woman came up to us and invited us to view the Kentucky Film which I find out is all the rave on local homeschooling email loops.

Jokingly I said that makes me wish I were a full blooded Kentucky born American; I can account that my Grandpa was born in K-Y so that is partially good.

It was a fantastic prelude to the rehearsal. We were allowed to sit where we like which is great for young musicians.

Sarah Chang in her high heels kicked and twirled; once she leaned so far back I was afraid she would tip over backwards, but alas, she did not. After tough "licks" she would finish with a flip of her bow--a great performer.

It is always so moving which makes me want to burst out and cry because the music is just plain beautiful.

As a flutist growing up I was always so bored and frustrated and surely unappreciative of the string instrument--but mostly the violin. Now, at times I am sure it is a woman crying out for her child or a boy for his father. . . or telling the story of complete joy or weeping sorrow.

Never can I sit before an orchestra and not recall where this love first began. My brother. He was the one who still to this day is the one person I can count on loving the music as much or more than I.

Thursday, September 2, 2010 0:41 AM CDT

It was one of those days in which you open the door into someone else's world. A friend I met several years ago on a local homeschooling email loop opened her door. The kids and I visited yesterday as we love to do but yesterday was important. Today was a minor surgery, but a major one for Ben.

I too easily can detach myself from situations to firmly evaluate situations. Today was no exception but I came away with a great understanding and deep heart concern for those with adult children with special needs.

It is the same ole story; how does one advocate for your child without seeming overbearing or protecting too much?

Basic human courtesy is always a given must, but when that is replaced by harshness and carelessness which could lead to deeper problems, it seems down right. . . mean.

Our friend is home, resting and did well so far, but the sad part is this could have been a great victory for someone who asks for little. Too bad the nurse did not listen to the parents but it is Ben who suffers--and his caregiver, Mom.

So, we plug along and try to figure out--what just happened--did that really just happen?

How do I put that into not my human nature but into my faith and trust.

. . .

Lately, David and Olivia have enjoyed their Lego of knights. They have them spread out by the front window with old wooden blocks which were my dad's as a young boy, that I played with and they did as well--and still do.

I love when they play together--I can sit and listen, enjoy, be amused.

We snuggled and cuddled and practiced our instruments.

Olivia loves for me to play the piano accompaniment to her cello songs. She is really doing so well! David does too, but I cannot play both hands to his pieces, but add with flute or one handed piano. Either way, it has enhanced practice time as they love to play songs with me. JOY!

Wish I could figure out how to put Olivia's cello playing on here!

To Jesus.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010 12:08 AM CDT

Miss Olivia does not have a UTI which complicates things in some ways and in other ways it is a relief. If it had been a UTI her urologist may have requested we started the ABX flushes every morning which Olivia does not want to start nor do I--she is 10 years old. There comes a point of no return. Yeah, UTI is not a big deal in many schemes, but it is ours and I am not happy to jump into the Gent ABX flush gig.

There are a LOT of changes taking place in the house; Olivia IS the younger child. David is taking a course outside the house and his constant concern over scouts, too--may be something which alienates his little sister.

She is quick to work so hard on all her subjects and point out that out.

This whole pre-puberty--change of life thing can be so complicated!

God continues to order our school time. Right when I feel that things are fraying; He shows us a mourning dove's nest while visit our friend. The dove had built a nest and caring for her little dove all the while. No one had noticed it before Olivia. Then Monday her language arts calls for her to write a creative essay about an animal and one of the animals listed was a mourning dove.

I love when He gives us the key to unlock the door.

There are glitches in how she feels, but I am not going to major on them at this time. It is hard to explain and much of it could be that we are approaching the 2 year mark of a pretty dark time in Olivia's story. Yes, it ended with Victory, but she is human but the "name" September means a whole lot more. . .now.

Dave has been building shelves for David's closet; Izza (kitty) chases a flying something; Velvet curls in her crate safe and quiet; Charlie is lying on his side snoring; Olivia is reading her first real novel alone, David is finishing up his Gen Sci due today and well, Sugar sleeps.

I am truly amazed at the abilities He gives us--to feel, to love, to care. . .

TO Jesus.

Sunday, August 29, 2010 11:43 AM CDT

Saturday we fell into bargains! $1 jeans at the local thrift store made it worth while. Olivia and I are working on making jeans into skirts. I appreciated the cashier who truly believes in her work there. Bridgepoint Good Will.

We need GOOD Will.

Olivia was flat out done though after just this one store.

It is concerning and confusing.

We are doing fluids and venting.

Talked with Aunt Becca on the phone last night which really gave me such great insight as to what anxiety is . . .

Triggers.

Pain is there, that is obvious.

9 AM will not come soon enough; I hate that feeling that something needs attention and we cannot get it done because of schedules.

She is such a flower.

Tender. Tired and Hiding out.

To Jesus.

Saturday, August 28, 2010 4:36 AM CDT

Our first full week back went well.

I am constantly reminded how much I love my children.

Olivia's pain now seems to not be her side but moved into her lower back which makes me think it IS a UTI, but we are not getting results until Monday.

She did well yesterday as we had our first boys and girls book clubs here. The GBC was held in Olivia's house! So glad she has finally been able to "use" it as we have had a VERY hot summer.

Another distraction day planned today; Thrift store shopping! We hope to find clothes to make new clothes out of for various upcoming events and life in general.

To Jesus.

Thursday, August 26, 2010 8:24 PM CDT

After a late night of listening to Les Miserables, our little school opened a bit later than I desire for a Thursday, but in retrospect it worked.

David made scrambled eggs for me; after shower we sat down and checked out some ancient history then each had their "meeting" with me.

Olivia was deciphering poetry's rhyme scheme and David finding prepositional phrases. They both are using a dictionary daily and Olivia got it with a little help from David.

After I taught two flute lessons while the children worked on their assignments we were on the road over to Miss Betsy's. Miss Betsy's is one of our favorite places to visit. Latin was fun, full of giggles and I think they learned too!

Zooming over to music lessons which is only 8 minutes away, David was introduced deeper into vibrato and his 2nd song in Book III. Olivia had an amazing cello lesson considering she has not felt well to hold her instrument let alone learn her new song.

Thursdays will be a good out of our house home school day. Both children love their teachers and I have to make sure it is not my desire but their very own.

There is a sweet little ice cream shop on the way home which we now for the 2nd Thursday in a row stopped. As I drove home on this breezy peaceful day remembered "the secret park" and prayed there would not be so many there.

As Olivia stated, "We need to RENAME our park." For indeed, we do. It is no longer a secret, not that it ever was, but for us it was.

Home. Dinner already planned, we all sat together, boys out to mow--Olivia and I preparing TPN, overnight cath. . .

Oh, but the highlight of the day. . .Olivia changed out her stud earrings for "cat dangles" which she received compliments. . . and she was so happy.

And a revelation--UTI we shall not know until possibly Monday, but Olivia has disclosed that she is deeply concerned about her Gtube. For some reason now--she is fearful it will come out and I will not be able to replace it. Reasoning with her is difficult because she went to the heights of fear. . .

There is a trigger here. . . i am asking for the answer. . . so we can help her. . . show her. . . that it will be all right.

All right.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 4:16 PM CDT

There are days which come at you full force.

We switched language arts curriculum this year. It has been such a surprise blessing. This month's character study refers to creativity. Three words which describe creativity being: resourceful, attentive, flexible. It has opened a whole new window (or door) as to what can be done.

I always thought of making art as problem solving and throughout this month the children are reading about different people and how they solved a problem, whether it be setting up The American Red Cross or being an inventor.

Art has always been an avenue for Olivia to be distracted from the problem of pain. It feels only good to be lying supine and still, but she came downstairs to work on her time line.

Each can make their own time line; how they want--using their creative ingenuity.

The work today was complete and now it rains so it looks like the lawn will once again not be mowed.

Looks like tomorrow will tell us an answer whether this pain is UTI or no.

But the day begin fast and furious. Receiving an email last night from camp director for children asking if I would help recruit 30 families for a "tube-camp" had me running the race.

Within one hour there were at least 10 families signed up from FL, OH, MI, KY, IN, VA, etc. Exciting. This could be the start of something very good for our family as a whole. David has missed our meetings with Oley. He needs to have fellowship as well!

Just a good day.

To Jesus!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010 11:08 PM CDT

Today was a day we have been waiting to happen. Happen it did and came it went and now it is to rest.

Mom is home or at least back in California. She and Jerry have a couple hours before they are officially home. A long day of traveling for her--for sure. Thank you, Jerry for all that you do for us back here in Indiana.

David had his first class at what we call Cornerstone Classical School. He is taking a general science course which is pretty beefy, but will do well. The kid is a sponge.

Olivia had a reoccurring pain again today. A growing nuisance which can no longer be ignored, this pain seems to always be back in the same area which caused so much two years ago.

It is her trigger spot where all her stress is held.

We took the morning to enjoy Grandma's last few hours with us; David working on science definitions, but Olivia drooped around and over furniture.

On my return, I gently reminded her we needed to complete some school work today. I needed to wrap my head around a class I was teaching tonight; we went downstairs and got through it all. . .

It is hard to see, to tell, to understand, but I can hear it in her voice. . . it gets small. She was down, tired of hurting, too. She claims it is not enough to take anything.

So, pressing on. . .

She lived the word out today.

Pressing.

To Jesus.

Monday, August 23, 2010 6:13 PM CDT

Last night Grandma Lodgie finished reading Gladys Aylward to the children. It was from last year's reading list of missionaries. The children came out around 10:30 PM or later. . . Grandma lying in bed with tears. . . my next day of rest I hope to read it.

Olivia began her narration to Grandma today. She remembers so many details.

"I wasn't God's first choice for what I've done for China�I don't know who it was�It must have been a man�a well-educated man. I don't know what happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn't willing�and God looked down�and saw Gladys Aylward�And God said - "Well, she's willing."
- Gladys Aylward

So, with a bit of a later start due to a later bed time, but all in all, David did a good job of being on task pretty much the entire waking day on his school work. He managed a 300+ word report on the History of the Bugle for Boy Scouts tonight.

Tomorrow Grandma Lodgie flies home and we will pick up with dust settling and continue on down the road.

Thanks be to mothers who give of their time and life for their children.
Sheila DeKold

Friday, August 20, 2010 9:38 PM CDT

Quickly we started the day, or at least for me.

Olivia is always a riser one who is ready to start the day. David struggles--always has with mornings.

With his being sick in the early morning he was left in the big bed to sleep.

Olivia bent over her writing desk was determined to finish school before her art class with her friends.

I collected all my books from the big table which would soon be the "studio art table" and a short quick flit in my heart reminded today was different.

This year is full of new students and students I have known for many years. . . artist sponges--all ages and stages.

It is a humble room; it is not fancy and sometimes not very clean, but I know in my heart it is how I am to use this space in my house.

To Jesus. . .

forever
and
ever. . .

Amen.

Friday, August 20, 2010 3:08 AM CDT

3:30 AM woke up to someone coughing in the bathroom. It has to be either David or Grandma. Grandma dropped a canned good on her toe last evening so she has a pretty racked up big toe-nail. David must have over done something because he was sitting up on the bathroom sink. He awoke to massive reflux which had him running to the bathroom.

I did not journal last night as we all were in bed by 8:38 PM; so I'll do it now as the boy returns to sleep out on the sofa.

Yesterday's school was good.

I could not even tell you how many years I have "schooled' my children. As soon as David was born we began. . . learning. It comes naturally for him and I never really did a "pre-school" or even a Kindergarten--maybe a little phonics and math but never finished a book. Tons of art and music, reading to him and eventually math books. Science was always nature observing, little experiments here and there, curriculum started, and even a little Sci Club with some folks one year.

Olivia's experience similar only she had so many broken weeks with days of distention and pain. Art and music, reading to her and books coming and going.

Traveling, visiting family and friends all over the country and pets.

I cringe when people ask "What grade?" I understand it as a reference point for most--as in "How old?" but for us, as a bonafide home schooling family I rather not even categorize in such a manner. That happens a lot with folks who started in a traditional school or weave in and out of a classroom school experiences over the years. Not right or wrong--each family has their right to choose--still--thankfully so, but also within each family their are individual student children who require their own what is best for them educational structure.

David may be doing just within his math workbooks 6-8 grade work; Language Arts within the same scope--his friends consider themselves 6th graders; and his having been "socialized" would say, 6th grade.

Olivia is anywhere in the 4-5 grade area, but her life experiences put her in realms above any "grade" in my opinion. The beauty of home schooling a child with extraordinary life challenges is true liberty. She can continue to grow and learn at her own pace and surrounded by like minded home schooling families who do not categorize or compete is true love.

It took me some time to figure out this part of life's game. It can be so cruel.

Thursday's day was a good day. We all slept in again as we had a late night for good reasons. We read Genesis 2 and learned a few Hebrew words. Rosh meaning head; was one. It was so cool because Rosh was the name of a character in The Bronze Bow we just read. Talking about the Creation while in Language Arts the character quality being discusses is Creativity! Now, I could not even on my best day had planned that.

God truly is the Director.

We rushed up and did some chores before popping over to violin and cello lessons. David had a very good lesson. It was his first with his teacher having been away for 4 weeks. David took two lessons with Olivia's cello teacher while his teacher was away. He learned a lot within those two lessons! He also is learning at a very quick pace right now and sounds good.

Olivia's cello lesson has such a different feel. For one, it is a really small tight space. In there I sit behind Olivia only seeing her teacher's face. I see her bent back and little feet barely touching the floor. Usually there is a rat in the back of her hair head too, which makes me want to just squeeze her and kiss her. Olivia is her own girl, very much. She is just happy to get dressed and swing her back pack on her back. She loves to dress up, but is not full of that on a daily basis.

Neither of my children are.

David has settled. I'll sleep some more.

Today is ART day! The first class of this year.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010 8:21 PM CDT

Today was the first back to the books kind of school day.

I shall count a few days from the summer due to music lessons, and educational field trips--all of life is about learning, but we have to count the days to follow the rules.

Wednesday is our only completely home day so it is going to be our official wake up a bit later if need be. . . or not stress about having to leave out the door at a certain time kind of day.

David is have the reality of a real GEN SCI course in which he will be accountable weekly with reading, definitions, experiments, writing, etc. I am elated to pass this off to someone else at this point. It is good timing for him.

The language arts we are using is so different from anything we have ever used, therefore a bit complicated, but after taking time to go over it with a friend I feel SO much more equipped and will tackle it after Bible and history.

Math--Olivia did more than asked. She is trying to hard to please and does. She melts me.

We had a good day. Not a perfect day by any means, but a good day.

Hopeful.

We may have a lead on someone who could help David with his allergies. This is the best news of the day!

I look around at the work completed and I am pleased, thankful and ready to rest and do it again tomorrow.

To Jesus!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010 0:53 AM CDT

Sometimes I do crazy things.

Drinking unsweetened ice tea at 7 PM is one of them. No sleep will come for hours, but it affords me to chat with my other night owl friends who keep crazy hours as they change over their child's medications or they plainly live on the other side of this great country.

All the while I am scanning calendar or scheming on school as we share our thoughts on life.

Today was the last day of our "summer" in a sense, but I want to hold onto it and reclaim that taste from time to time.

David finished _The Bronze Bow_ in probably less time than I, but again, he did not have to stop and make a meal!

We had a visit from one of our favorite people who makes us laugh and cry.

Walking we ladies took snaps of the ever changing sunset; oh the wonderful colors which constantly changed as we would glance away.

Excited to see. . .

what is next.

Monday, August 16, 2010 9:40 PM CDT

As a homeschool family we choose our own books.

I have the opportunity to gear each child's education specifically to their needs. Sometimes it gets muddled with schedules and time frames and the "classroom teacher" in me is frustrated, disappointed, fearful. . . angry at sick days, the hard days, the. . . valleys.

Tonight, Olivia is having a hard night; syringing her tubes, trying all sorts of positions, sleeping in the big bed with mama.

My prayer is that I will not get tangled in the web of competition. We always loose when it comes to keeping up the scope and sequence, but thankfully, they both still learn something. . . each year.

David had a best pal spend the night last night. This friend is one who is a part of our family--he opted to stay home with Olivia to play while I took David to a piano lesson that was not until next Monday! Luckily, David checked his notebook before entering her house.

It was a nice one on one with my boy as we listened to his violin CD and sang along with it together.

The highlight of the day was the fact the children played; I only stopped my reading to make sure they had some sort of nourishment, but that of a book I received today in the mail.

It should have been here a week or so ago, IF I had remembered to order it along with all the other school books. It was _The Bronze Bow_ the first book in the boys book club that I lead once a month. The book was devoured. I cannot wait to see how long it will take David to read. He is like me; cannot put it down once started.

The book's premise is about a young Jewish man who has taken a vow of hatred towards the Romans. It boils back down to the bottom line of love. It falls in the time of Jesus' last year of life here on earth.

It has me even more stoked about school starting. I feel so far ahead of the game this year; art classes are pretty much mapped out, a lot in place--something I have not allowed myself to do in a long time.

I want to give credit where credit is due.

If something hard happens; and along time, it will happen, but I want to have lived more fully, directing more clearly, loving more deeply and utilizing my time wisely. . . so there are no regrets.

TO Jesus.

Sunday, August 15, 2010 8:16 PM CDT

. . . a new school year is upon us. . .

We had a great summer starting way back in May. . . visits with friends far and near; family time, and down time. . .growing time.

With a lot of help from my friends and family we were able to get the other side of the basement ready for its new use which is wonderful.

This is one of the first years where I feel "ready" for school and art classes. Last year at this time I was still a bit pensive with the start of a new school year from what happened the previous year. It has been almost 2 years since Olivia's "big event" and although there are so many different elements to those weeks--I do feel that God has brought me through it stronger on the other side--two years later.

I am not one to put labels to ailments, struggles, but having lived through one I know it is real. Living with someone who is in need of "medical intervention" on a very day to day basis totally changes one's perspective.

When I allow myself to wander into the other worlds of different people and friends--I am constantly reminded of what an amazing gift I was given with my two children.

David still tends to hobble at times and does not like to see pictures of himself in the wheelchair. That short period made a huge impression on him; he understands a wee bit more.

Olivia has mostly good days. She is growing and learning to really cook not just for herself any more but for her family.

So, we shall begin a new school year--Wednesday!

To Jesus!

Thursday, August 12, 2010 11:20 PM CDT

Quiet with a side of rain kind of day.

We all needed it.

Just got an email regarding Olivia's clinical nurse changing docs which means she will no longer be our nurse.

This is a major matter of prayer.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010 10:20 PM CDT

Final Settle Down.

It has been a rather whirlwind August with two visits to Cincy; we took a quick trip up yesterday to celebrate Papa's birthday with the Reds. David, Grandma and he all went to the GABP for a game with the Cardinals while Olivia and I stayed back at the hotel to swim and watch the Waltons.

I do believe that Papa had a good birthday along with his birthday guests.

Today we went to a really neat place called EnterTRAINment Junction which was ALL about trains in the G-scale. We had fun doing a scavenger hunt and learned a lot. It was the best train display I have ever seen. It will count as a field trip for sure.

Always great to spend time with my parents.

We had to take the LONG way home due to an extreme accident. Two lives were taken tonight. Praying for the families.

To Jesus.

Friday, August 6, 2010 6:31 PM CDT

Boy is off to camp for the weekend with his Troop.

Olivia and I were out in the front lawn in our chairs with the dogs, chatting.

She is still pretty whipped, but talking plenty-that is for sure. It is a good time to recap, and ask how she really felt last night.

The same spot always hurts whenever she is starting with anxiety or just not feeling well. So, we were trying to figure that out, when our neighbor girl came over.

The little girl shared that she too has the same pain but she just got up and ran and stretched it was better. Funny thing, this is the second time I have heard another child try to tell Olivia their slant and Olivia does not for one minute even take a bite.

I guess this is where the Little Miss Spit comes into action. She explains it nicely and moves on. . .

For her it is a "trigger" the pain tells here something else is going on or NOT working properly. Wow.

So, my girl continues to pave her way.

To Jesus!

Thursday, August 5, 2010 7:57 PM CDT

Olivia's TPN's tubing came out of her TPN bag last night while I was across the road having dinner with a friend from my high school.

I receive a call and we went over the procedure and the girl did it, calmly and readily.

No TPN for her last night and today amazingly enough, she paid for it. I had a Liter of fluids with me so I ran that slowly over night, but it still is so interesting how dependent she is on her TPN, the nutrition, calories, the fat, the sugars, all of the metals and vitamins. . . all of it. She is a 10 year old girl dependent on alternative nutrition.

How sick she would become if she did not have it. How grateful I am that she can have it.

We swam today again. Third day in a row. Today's pool buddies were by far my favorite. The first day was categorized with "Bossy Young Girl" and sweet two sisters who enjoyed playing with David after Olivia was too tired and gone in to shower. Yesterday's I cannot rightly remember which makes it not so memorable, right?

Today's guests with us consisted of 19 year old twin young men who seemed to be autistic and their mother and brother a bit younger than David.

Acclimated, the children so enjoyed them. I pulled them aside quickly to check in and they indeed agreed that they were twins and could very well be autistic.

How I ached for Carolyn!

All that I have been reading and the short portion of the Temple Grandin movie Lisa and I had watched in St Louis all came pouring out. I remember a portion of Temple's speech saying how loyal autistic folks are and today, these two young men were that.

It was a grand moment in our visit. I love how my children can embrace the differences.

Before swimming we got a short peek at some of the dearest people--my parents' peers--LOVELAND teachers. . .

Always a true blessing which I come away shaking my head in thankfulness.

David is SOLD OUT (did I say, SOLD OUT?) for BOY SCOUTS and has been

H O U N D I N G

me to take him to the Scout shop. We did not make it to our Jeffersonville shop so we went to Cincy's.

WOW!

IMPRESSIVE!

He is determining his merit badges and he wants to do the Disabled Awareness (Okay, may not be worded as such) and in reading it over. . . this boy really has a major head start.

He wants to interview his friends. Kody, Killian and Sean. He said he may even interview Olivia.

He really enjoyed his short visit with Kody and Killain!

Jumping all around this is. . . I always feel so renewed when I come home from Cincinnati; I do not know if it is the long rides with non stop worship and or classical music, or the time of prayer.

Driving over the bridge into Kentucky is always hard, but looking forward to next week when we go back up for Papa's BIRTHDAY PARTY!

As I take these few moments to gather my thoughts, and Olivia has massive fluids pumping; I am so humbled as to the frailty of us all.

We have been meditating on the song "In Christ Alone" and I have to rejoice that NO scheme of man can pluck me from His Hand!

To Jesus

.

Friday, July 30, 2010 9:18 AM CDT

Gulp.

July is gone!

It was a quiet month for us with friends coming to visit us. It was great to be home and be with friends and our dear furry family members watching the amazing Southern Indiana sunsets, riding bikes, talking with neighbors and having fellowship here, home.

It has been so nice having Sarah here; Olivia has not been embarrassed by her "stuff" around her. The first few nights they all slept in their own beds, but the last few they have slept out on the sofas together, watching THE WALTONS and just talking. It reminded me so much of the days with Jackie and Dave as we grew.

Each night I would have David and Sarah take the dogs out for their last night walk while I put overnight cath in. In times past when Olivia has had a friend over, this was where she would melt down. . . begging me NOT to put it in, but, alas, she could have cared less with Sarah!

She even vented her G tube and asked me to "dump" it. So, just another beautiful piece in the summer of 2010's mosaic.

Sarah has painted on a canvas and made a beautiful mosaic. I was able to paint a bit too, David organized her work space and Olivia made puppets out of bags and yarn and other misc. items.

I am compelled to have more traditions in our home. My mom and her Taco Party every August or even the time spent with Connie and Jack-Bob and Lori as kids each summer. Those things happened, no question about it. Wonderful memories for me.

A HYMN SING! I LOVE the old hymns; I will not apologize for it. I can appreciate the young poets of my life time and so love their music as well, but the hymns is where I learned more about God through music. It is a personal thing. It was glorious! The heat had flown away with the breeze, God set up an amazing sunset, and we all sang, played our instruments, even the little ones. . .

Today, I cannot stop singing one which one other knew so she sang with me. . .

Oh I want to see Him, look upon His face.

There to sing forever of His saving Grace.

On the streets of glory let me lift my voice

Cares all passed home at last ever to rejoice.
. . .

For real.

Let me sing today. . . all day of the wonderful things.

To Jesus

Monday, July 26, 2010 5:51 PM CDT

David BOY!

Tomorrow is David's 12th birthday.

He is growing into a young gentleman which over the last three months or so I have come to grips with such a concept. It was hard at first to let go of my one and only little boy and be all right with his moving into this new life change, but I am truly excited to see who he becomes.

This is his first birthday that he has asked for cds. My children do not listen to any radio other than our local classical station. A friend introduced me to bands she has met and along the way David has become more interested.

He really likes Leeland. I never knew who Leeland was until I looked up on youtube. The lead singer has such a heart for God and his poetry set to music is beautiful.

As we drove down to Walmart to pick up some items for his birthday gathering he asked to listen to Leeland.

Tears of the Saints
Leeland

There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People's hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures

This is an emergency!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We're crying for them come back home
We're crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In it's state of desperation
For Your glory

This is an emergency!

Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!

And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

`.`.`.`.

On another note, I have been communicating for a few years with other options regarding music for David and Olivia. I believe that David for starts will be able to participate. He will audition in August.

I think back to my experience in junior high and high school band and therefore, it is hard for me to accept anything but the best. Mr. Kern was such an amazing band director in how he nurtured the love and understanding of music. It was foundational, good and pure.

This year David will be in 6th grade. I guess the new trend now is to call it "middle school"-pushing the children into a block. I call it 6th grade, but with it we are increasing his environment and stretching him in good ways. Time for organized science class and group work in music. Boy Scouts has him pretty busy. Tonight he is sitting before the committee for Tenderfoot. He loves being a Boy Scout.

David clings to his birthday. He looks so forward to having a slew of boys here to do what seems like chaotic play. He has had a few birthdays which were chaotic, but not play.

We have Sarah staying with us until Friday. She is a few months younger than David. She turned to me and said, "I'm scared," and I asked, "Why?"--

TOMORROW!

Let the boys have fun, Lord. May we celebrate another year of living. . . all for you, Jesus.

TO JESUS!

Sunday, July 25, 2010 8:23 PM CDT

As was mentioned today at our church gathering-6 months until Christmas.

We just had an amazing short week with my dears. It all started with Connie and Jack, many years ago. Then came Jackie and Dave. . . The original Settle Down Dave.

Now, Amy is here and three little girls. Sarah is still with us and fits in as if she has always been here.

Last night they all stayed out in the Wood pop up camper; I was reminded of all the many summers growing up and spending time at either the farm (their's) or Morrow Cozaddale with a Reds game mixed in at some point.

All of it.

Now, our children share a friendship which warms my heart. Third generation.

~.~.~.~.~

This week is exciting. David will be 12 years old.

Olivia is growing.

So many blessings...

TO Jesus.

Thursday, July 22, 2010 10:18 PM CDT

Olivia took her first Zofran dose here at home.

She has been playing hard with our dear guests and whispered in my ear that she had thrown up two times outside. She did it again as I was hooking up her TPN so, I asked her if she wanted to try to "pill" form and she was more than eager.

She felt so much better. . . so, we know that when she is hit minorly that the dissolving under the tongue gig will work just fine.

Looking forward.

Friday, July 16, 2010 1:21 AM CDT

Oh, I had something to say. . . earlier, now at almost 2:30 AM I cannot remember.

Today was a good day. We had enough fluids to keep Olivia hydrated and she was totally GOOD to ride her bike at our Keeper's meeting.

I love my mom. She is so cool and love when she can be around people who appreciate her for the gem she is.

David's last PT was today. We shall see.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 10:40 PM CDT

It is mid July. I do not know about anyone else, but the days fly by and sometimes I wonder if winter is over my shoulder.

Monday was our first family-day of rest day. It was so needed as we tend to push on and keep on doing this or that and we know. . . it will always be there, but "WE" will not.

Olivia has so desired to achieve a maxed out bike trip. Funny girl. So, we all road down the hill in hopes of the newly opened country cafe (be still my heart veins) could serve up some iced tea and breakfast.

Our hill is not your typical hill. Some call it a knob, and those valley dwellers may even refer to it as a small mountain. The road is a twisting winding incline which Dave and I both agree would be for the most fit to attempt.

BUT Olivia has wanted to ride DOWN it and attempt an UP trip.

I just enjoyed seeing all the flowers, leaves and creatures we usually see as we zoom up and down in our shiny air conditioned car-but up close and well, huffing and puffing.

Going down is "easy" in a hard kind of way, for a mom who rarely has opportunity to exercise her hand and wrist in a clenched brake mode; I found it stressful!

The fact that country cafe is closed on Mondays turned out to be good as after Grandma came to our rescue we fired up the grill for good ole DeKold grilled chicken and sweet taters.

So, now her goal is to be in training to climb that hill. I said, let's just try for riding to (cannot even think of the name of the road) which has its share of ups and downs but will let her reach a pretty hefty goal fit for her.

Today her tummy hurt and nothing is moving so there was no biking today. After 8 + years of this, I could try to figure out why, and tend to think, maybe it was because all her energy was given out yesterday and today her gut stopped.

She and Grandma can enjoy their own personal down day as we pray her gut starts working again.

To Jesus, who sought me and bought me.

Sunday, July 11, 2010 7:57 AM CDT

The first time I have ever given Olivia Tylenol at home was over the past week ago. Usually if she has a fever, we run and treat it at the hospital.

Curiously, we had never experienced the tube turning black inside before. Last night, I saw it and examined and realized no amount of flushing is going to clean that out and if it did--do we want that in her body?

Replacing tubes may seem like something very easy to do. It is second nature if accidentally pulled. The reaction is to plug the hole as fast as possible, but removing the tube. . . for Olivia is incredibly hard and painful.

For almost an hour we worked through it. . . and finally in the end I had to pull it swiftly. As soon as it came out, fluid poured out of her little "hole" and with a "pink" pan to catch it we began to look at the color. Olivia was relieved and no longer panicked.

I did not say anything as I was still digesting and examining the contents. Yes, I have to take my glasses off to get so close, but as I did I remembered--Blackberries!

Olivia became even lighter when I reminded her she had eaten BLACKBERRIES! She kept asking if it was blood.

She asked me to stay by her side which I did so we could talk through it all-oh by the way-the insertion was quick!

My friend was telling me how her adopted daughter was sick and how it was a good thing as it was an opportunity to show her that she, her mama, would be there to love and care for her. Makes total sense to me. There is such a common thread in life.

It is such a beautiful picture of sacrifice, selflessness to be available to our children's needs and to be present.

When Olivia asked me to stay by her side; I knew it was just another opportunity to mend the broken-ness from the last hour. She opened the door to say-Thank you, Mama.

TO Jesus.

Thursday, July 8, 2010 6:46 PM CDT

Getting down to the wire with David's PT. He is walking ALMOST without a limp.

He will head out for another camp-this time only 2 nights. Relief.

Olivia is still congested, sore and basically running behind with this incredible heat. She and I will have a nice weekend catching up with our dears here who we have missed.

Grandma LODGIE is almost here!

To Jesus!

Monday, July 5, 2010 10:59 AM CDT

Losses and Gains

Philippians 1:21
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Grandma Lodgie and Grandpa Jerry are heading our way with a stop in Colorado for the Blinn-Coleman Family Reunion. It was not an option for us. Altitude, time and money are factors.

July 3 would have been Matthew Lindenmayer's 20th birthday. It is also shared with my Aunt Midge's birthday.

July 3.

Olivia and I both watched good movies all day long as neither of us feeling the best but taking time to really stop and think about Matthew's contribution into my life. I had met Darla in the Family Resource room toward the end of Olivia's first hospital stay at CCHMC. She was sitting at a computer wearing her badge of Ronald McDonald's House. One thing you learn early on is to spot those badges and the badges of the PICU.

Darla was easy to talk to and we found out we both were from Southern Indiana. She was just beginning one of the many looooooong stays at a hospital with Matthew. Darla was one of the first mothers I met who could share in the life of chronic illness. Her and Matthew's story was one of surviving crazy twists and turns of life. I used to think, wow, when does it end? :)

Matthew had given his bunny, Cadbury, to Olivia to have while they traveled north for yet another long stay at a hospital.

During the last months of Matthew's life the Lindenmayer family was living 45 minutes or so away. This afforded David, Olivia and I to visit and get to know this family more. David and Olivia would go up and play while I would have some of the most amazing times with Matthew. He loved literature and although, through Olivia's life altering changes-central line, g and j tube, ileostomy. . . cathing-Matthew was not so scary to me. His cvl was not a challenge to me, not even his weakness.

What was the challenge was understanding. . . why.

He was a teenager who wanted to live life, but knew that it was time to die.

I watched him die while still living.

Darla asked me to speak at his funeral. Others who spoke knew him for years. . . I had really only known him during the last months of his life.

It was a privilege to have been called to him at such a precious time of life-the end.

Darla is the kind of person in my life, no matter what--we will be sisters. Some friends just turn into a sister to me. Darla is one.

I was blessed to have the most amazing childhood.

My parents were not society climbers, just simple school teachers who had much respect from their peers and students. The time we spent was as a family. We had annual events which included visits to grandparents and cousins, cherished times. We had dear friends who would come every summer and we to them. "Mom's" Taco Party at the beginning of every school year was another special time. My children have had opportunity to meet and be with these dear folks. Thankful.

There was no death but one, my dad's young cousin at 20 died. That made such an impression on my world. When my grandparents passed it was supposed to happen, they were "older". . . did not make it any easier.

But with the loss of not having the options of families with "healthy" children we are so blessed with the dear people God chose for us.

We have made our own annual reunions which meet the speciality needs of those coming together. Whether it be "meeting in St Louis" or flying to So. Cal, or driving to north of Cincy to visits from ID potatoes. Sisters.

Dave and David are still in STL. Olivia and I stayed back since she was still fighting some sort of something-virus? David is once again racked with allergies and may not come home tonight.

My "retreat" is over. I said, "no" to any part of leaving my house. It was a time of to renew and regroup.

Am reading a wonderful book by Mr. Robert McGee called _The Search for Significance_. I am not one to read and do a lot of Christian Bible studies. I prefer reading the Word and allowing God to lead, but a sister recommended it as a Bible study. It is very timely.

"Our true value is based not on our behavior or the approval of others but on what God's Word says is true of us." McGee

This sentence tucked away in a paragraph within a chapter rang chimes in my heart. Over the past few years especially after Olivia's perforation I found myself withdrawing from people, especially those who required much of me. I could no longer keep up with their expectations. In turn, I had been tormented by how I may have been perceived.

A lot of different thoughts within this journal-a journal. . .from the heart of one who truly wants to seek His approval.

To Jesus.

Saturday, July 3, 2010 11:04 AM CDT

Boys are in St Louis. . .

Olivia opted to stay here and now I see why. She has mustered up a few more complications, but nothing we cannot handle here at home. Will make for a quiet weekend for us. . . plans change but flexibility is such a part of our world.

~. ~. .~. .~

David is walking better each day which helps me emotionally and physically, not to mention his own stuff.

I have so missed all the help my boy does around here! It was so hard to watch him struggle with walking. Now, to get him running. His walk still has a limp, but in time that too, will be just another memory marker in his journal of life.

Something new has risen on the horizon of my heart. It is time to examine and see if it is from God. . .

The Beginning AND the End.

To Jesus.

Thursday, July 1, 2010 11:57 PM CDT

My girl is still not feeling well.

The strep culture came back negative which explains why she is still experiencing a sore throat.

She said living would be so much easier if she did not have to swallow; so I know it hurts because she has a pretty high threshold for pain.

Am slightly concerned, not full blown, but curious and wondering what it is that is holding her back.

Headaches and legs hurting along with the sore throat really have not held her back. She had cello lesson which also resulted in a bloody nose but still managed to pass on her song.

When we got home while David was mowing (so GOOD to have my boy's leg back-albeit still hobbling, but he is able to do everything, just differently. . .still) Olivia helped me deep clean the big bed bedroom. It was in dire need.

As we worked I probably received at least 30 hugs and several "I love yous" spelled out. . . Olivia is unaffected for sure.

I gave David his orders on the yard. So much has gone without any attention regarding gardens and the yard due to lack of time on both Dave and my part.

I pointed out to David that there were two junipers growing in one of the gardens which should not. I wanted him to chop, cut them down. My son is so tender hearted and tried to build a case for these two volunteer junipers.

"Olivia's tubes are not supposed to be there, but they are. . . they have a part in her life." "Besides that, mama, they are pretty."

So it looks like the two junipers won out.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010 8:23 PM CDT

One of those race to this and that kind of day.

Was great to have Daddy home although he did not have much of a restful day.

Olivia does have strep and David had PT.

We are resting and hoping tomorrow is a better day.

Monday, June 28, 2010 5:51 PM CDT

Olivia seems to be bringing July with something brewing.

She had her first visit with our new PED and all was "normal" for her. Slightly distended and a bit of a tummy ache, but for the most part she was all right. As the day progressed I realized that she was in her bed watching Waltons and cold.

Low grade, bit of a sore throat. . . aches. Gave her Tylenol-one of the first times ever--here at home as she usually refuses.

She is feeling a bit better and my dear neighbor took David to scouts for me so I did not have to drag the girl out the door. Daddy is still at work.

Big bed action. . .

To Jesus.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010 1:11 PM CDT

Life has been full of struggles. Hormones, emotions, changes, inabilities, abilities, dreams, and nightmares.

David continues to struggle with walking "normally" and his allergies have him pretty much in a holding pen. As my friend stated, "he is halfbaked". I have to agree. His eyes are looking better, and still on ABX for his ear infection; his throat is still sore from all the drainage and well, tired.

He has never had such personal physical challenges!

This week was a week he had hoped to be the BIG Boy Scout helper at the Day Camp for Cub Scouts. He is learning personally that it is not always what you want, but what you need.

He NEEDS to rest.

Last night Olivia and I had our first slumber party on our new couches. At exactly 4 AM she asked me for a "puke pan" so robotically I got up as I have so many times before in the night and went straight to what was needed and ended up in the kitchen for silk tape to fix her a new bag.

There I saw a slowly moving ambulance and it was heading around the corner to my dearests house where I saw lights were on and once I went out heard her dogs barking.

I called and talked with her husband and afterwards quickly threw on pants and drove over to get their sleeping son-David's friend-our Matthew.

Anyway, it all turned out for the best. David had no business going to a camp for 8 hours feeling 1/2 baked especially now when his friend needed his friend.

Olivia and I ran down to the hospital to check on our Ch who is still sitting in the ER, well, in bed, not sitting. ER. How many hours later?

Which brings to now. . .

David, Matthew and Olivia sitting on the big sofa just talking, catching up after many weeks apart--three kiddos who have really grown up together. Matthew has always been accepting, real and sweet with Olivia. Never excluded and never called a "girl" as if it were a disease.

Olivia is not feeling the greatest but is so enjoying playing her would you rather have this or that with the boys--both being present and giggling and having fun. Funny thing, David said, when are going to stop talking about food? Matthew said, this is what I do with Grandma Lodgie!

I love it.

Thankful to be home.

Resting, growing, learning. . .

Dogs sleeping in cool spots, even the Mexican dog who loves the sun spots on the deck. Kitties are sprawled and Mr. Wings on the deck loving his intermittent spray shower.

I sit here and see so many stacks of books, envelops filled with requests, clothes piled in the laundry room, ideas abounding for the new school year yet to be put on paper, dusting, a girls room which is completely torn apart, parts in her new playhouse, a boy room which well, that is another discussion.

All to Him.

Right here.

To Jesus.

Monday, June 21, 2010 11:28 AM CDT

Catch the Wave.

We need to find a wave which will sail David right on into sunny skies.

He came home from summer camp a mess. Pink eye, sore throat, ear ache, stuffy allergy face. . . and limping.

Dave is taking him to PED.

Olivia is roller skating throughout the house.

Time to catch our breath.

Summer is here!

Sunday, June 20, 2010 7:56 PM CDT

Olivia and I traveled to St Louis to meet with Lisa and Laura Bell.

Laura is the "L" in the "L & O" and is the young lady in the photo with Olivia at the bottom of this page.

Lisa is the Mama and my special dear friend who I have brought home in my pocket.

I miss them.

We did many incredible things all week long. Saw the musical "WICKED" which is NOT wicked at all, but has an amazing message about being DIFFERENT and MISUNDERSTOOD. We were able to ride to the top of the arch and visit St Louis' Children's Museum--The Magic House, have yummy meals, and other pampered events.

It was highly anticipated as all of our days are, but now we are home and time to get busy about summer time clean ups, physical therapy for the boy, and decorating a play house.

Olivia's play house is sweet and will put up pictures as soon as I download or is it UPload?

To Jesus. . . who is always right here.

Saturday, June 12, 2010 9:36 AM CDT

Before we get too much deeper into the day. . . Papa is off with Charlie and Velvet. I do not know who is more excited to be in that red truck-the doggies or Papa with the doggies. A blessing to know they are well loved and bring extra-ness to Papa's time with them.

David is fine tuning his packing for camp. He is determined and ready to go; I have to admit I am ready too. Just ready to let go knowing God will take care of the rest.

If there was one thing I have learned in the last 8 weeks since his injury is how much of a control freak, micro manager I really am.

I am thankful for those who are not wound so tightly to keep things in perspective.

The first thing out of David's mouth was how much he was going to miss string camp. Olivia said, I cannot believe I will not see Mr. Farrar today!

It is a major let down for me too, to be around the music, to soak up the teaching, to hear beautiful music which is one of my heart songs--one of the ways I am filled.

So in a strange way, my heart is very heavy, almost grieving today.

Maybe the fact that my once young boy is growing into a young man and the music is quiet today.

Time to turn up the volume and attach it once again to our hearts.

To Jesus. . .

Friday, June 11, 2010 10:48 PM CDT

This week.

This week started out with vomiting all day on Sunday or was it Saturday night, yes, Saturday night. It never stopped so we ran to Cincinnati to get the needed medical aid. Sunday I was driving David over to Louisville, but did not sit well with me leaving her with Papa who was still recovering.

So, no Sunday. Monday was a wash as Olivia and I returned at 8 AM from our jaunt to Cincinnati Childrens.

Olivia was determined.

She IS determined.

I know I used to be more driven, Dave, too, to make things really special, pushing the envelope-not caving to fear or plain tiredness.

I was willing to chuck the whole Suzuki camp for Olivia this week and call it a make up, regroup, finally find that GRIP I have been talking about for year. . .

BUT. . .

David's teacher took him on Monday. Olivia had wanted to go far more than David and now I know why.

She had an amazing teacher; I knew NOTHING about him, did not do my research like a good "Suzuki" mom, but went in clean slate--and pretty raw yet ready.

I will never forget Mr. Farrar's reaction when I told him about Olivia in my usual 15 second "down and to it" synopsis because really--I do not want it to be her definition. Just know, she has the G and J tube, ileostomy and will be infusing her fluids/TPN. . . and she may not sit like your typical cellist nor put it where it may belong. . .

He fell against the wall and I knew right then and there--this guy was over the top and was going to steal the show--and our hearts.

With the help of another mom once we got Olivia established on which parts she would play-the rest was gaining experience with someone who reminded me of Mr. Wolfley my painting instructor at DAAP and my dear beloved drawing teacher. . . Just now, IT hit me. That is what was so endearing--the musician-artist talk in which one tries to put into words that which cannot.

Wow.

Olivia was blessed to experience this. . . at such a young age. I pray it will stay with her. . .

Reflecting over this week. I cannot believe that I almost threw this opportunity away for the sake of . . . many things. Me?

Yes, the house is here. That is another story, this one was too fresh, too important, yes, the granted wish from Make a Wish is important too, but not the same. Just not the same.

Tomorrow David is off to Boy Scout Camp for the FIRST time and is very much still limping. To see him walk across the stage with a limp and after a week, folks started to ask--hard for him as I know it slowed him down a bit and kept some away out of fear of the "differentness" of a boy limping, but overall, David's week was good, very good. Tonight he told me he did not want to leave his violin home for he was going to miss it over camp.

To Jesus. All of it, the tough, gritty stuff. . . and the laugh until you cannot talk. . . the music. . .the parts to which no one really knows the words. . .the beauty in just colors on a canvas with no image to be given a name.

All to Him.

Thursday, June 10, 2010 3:44 PM CDT

June 10, 2010. Olivia was granted her wish from the folks of the Make a Wish folks.

She is extremely excited as is her brother.

I need to back way up-as this week has been a month and a day equaled to a few at a time.

Sunday and Monday still a bit of a blur with no sleep, but Olivia bounced back fast enough to reach another dream-a wish which was granted by Grandma Lodgie and Grandpa Jerry-String Camp! This is usually reserved for the very accomplished and serious student and Olivia really only having had four FULL months of lessons she is by far not up to par but boy is she loving her cello teacher, Mr. F. She loves her little orchestra, she loves being able to be a "kid" with her brother. . . all of it.

I am thrilled.

David struggles with growing and loving to sleep so this has been a challenge for him, but when I peek in on his lessons he is always alert and smiling and delightful. I shared with him that his group teacher talks to him because he gives eye contact and response with nods as she speaks. A gift to have-to at least let people think you are listening, but he is. Quick to answer and quick to sit down. The "leg" still needs a crutch, but he has not sat down during any of the classes.

We are transitioning in some of Olivia's care which made this UTI a bit tricky, but things have settled and she is receiving what she needs which enabled her to not miss any more string camp. If I had had my thinking cap on straight she would not have had to miss Monday. It is all right.

He has it all under control.

So, the plan was the house would be delivered some time today. I did not say anything to Olivia for obvious reasons. Sure enough, it was HERE when we got home.

David jumped to it, carrying things out to the house, fixing her little table, sweeping; Olivia running around taking things out. . .

. . .

So, another item checked off.

Olivia is excited about string camp concert tomorrow, now, her house being here. . .but Monday.

Come Monday.

We will venture again out of the Indiana box. Yes, we travel a lot, but when you love people far away you have to grab the times to make it happen so while David and Daddy are off to Summer Camp for Boy Scouts-Olivia and I will head to St Louis for our 2nd Annual L&O Conference.

Laura is just like any other girl Olivia loves, but Laura is like her sister, not just in Christ Jesus, but in tubes, TPN, hospitals, doctors, and pain. The kind of life experiences which makes them. . . bond.

"Mrs. Bell" and I will have our own conference and after these last few months. . . this past year? We are looking forward to R&R, love and peace which comes only from Him.

TO Jesus.

Monday, June 7, 2010 3:46 PM CDT

Olivia is much better; Papa too.

It seems the vomiting was brought on by a raging UTI. We ran to Cincy to get a dose and hoping for a script for Zofran which really in the end was a blessing because the UTI was confirmed right then and there; if we had waited here through the lab we would still be wondering what was going on-it is all good.

Olivia should be the poster child for Zofran as she kept singing its praises after receiving it and finally having relief from vomiting.

I was ready to pull the plug on the week as my patience was thin, but after calling David's violin teacher he assured me he could get David to the camp.

So, just in true DeKold fashion after a 9 hour up and back to CCHMC we are up and running, or should I say walking.

Thankful that Dave was able to get home and Papa is feeling better. Thankful that David was able to play his violin today and Olivia is excited to play her cello tomorrow and am thankful for the friends who "talked" me up to Cincy and are always there in times of trouble.

To Jesus.

Sunday, June 6, 2010 9:08 AM CDT

The pump did not sound last night but my little girl vomited throughout the and still this morning. Thankfully she was next to me in the big bed. She woke me to tell me she needed her "pan" and said not to hurry because she already swallowed it.

Rubbing her leg and down to her foot I remembered something Tammy told me Olivia had told her.

Tammy and the kids beat Dad and I home so Olivia took Tammy over to see where the play house was going to be planted. Tammy has been probably the biggest supporter on this house here locally. Those who have their own MAW root for this to happen as well, but for the most part I keep it under wraps. MAW has been a huge disappointment to our daughter; I am not bashing this group as a whole, but am highly UNimpressed. I never wanted to do this JUST for this very reason.

So as these two went over to see the pavers, Olivia stood on the cut down pine tree which of course has sap all over it.

It turns out Tammy helped her clean her feet and Olivia told Tammy. . .

I lost my tickle. I lost it that September when I had Mama rub my foot so much.

Lost my tickle.

Okay, I may sound a bit dramatic, or even melancholy but I tend to think of it being just raw.

I think we three were all looking forward to church this morning. I always love visiting the Flanigan's home. I considered David and my going, but knowing that Olivia was still actively vomiting and well. . . it was not happening.

We are definitely not candidates for perfect attendance. Ask Olivia's cello teacher, as our house church, surely ask my art students, maybe even ask our friends. Acceptance, real love and truth and the ability to be who we are. . .

vomit and all.

To Jesus.

Saturday, June 5, 2010 10:23 PM CDT

Not even sure the last time I stopped to take a moment to document all that has happened.

There is a day I must stop and rest upon the events for it is those monumental specks which are the beginnings of greater growing times.

Tammy took David and Olivia for me Friday so I could run up to Papa's. I would be about 1.5 hours away and even though it was not Tammy's first time alone with Olivia; it was well, interesting.

I wish I could put into the words of all that took place that day from what Tammy shared with me as we stood upon the foundation of Olivia's cottage, playhouse at 11 PM.

Even before we got to that place, standing on the hard pavers staring into the dark night, Tamster and I got everyone settled. Tammy watched David exercising while I began the big push with Olivia. Papa was already settled into David's room quietly snoring is I am recovering from it all snore.

Olivia was alive with her stories and I was reminded how much I love this girl. A lot happened that day to her, from art class to play time with Maggs, and then the big UNPLANNED adventure with the Ross family.

The essence of it all came back down to her "hankering" of the night WAS indeed pizza but I said, "no" for pizza can put her into a tail spin, but other times not, but she was already tired and I was going to be too far away.

She was not scolding me, but had to let me know that pizza WAS her hankering that night. . .

A kid like Olivia has hankerings. Plainly and simply. It is hard for the outside of the GI challenged realm to accept it, but some days it is icing, or ham and mustard, you know, mom, the ham we got at Walmart with Brittany in California. To me it is Oscar Meyer ham, but now it is California ham.

Sigh.

I ask her gently, as it is not often we have someone as highly decorated as Tammy in the house during Big Push, if Tammy could watch my cathing her.

It dawned on me that I am not super woman and I may just may one of these days not be able to take care of my girl-and well, Dave may be out of town again, so. . .

Tammy semi scolded me on that point and I believe it is time.

Olivia said yes.

So Tammy watched. Aunt Becca, it is your turn next.

Yes, Olivia could cath herself, but you know what? She does a lot of her other care and that will happen with it is time.

. . .

Olivia stayed home today and took care of The Papa. She is just a plainly good girl. She began the very huge task of David's room and helped me with bringing up laundry which SHE had done without my asking.

I walked over to the side of the bed and there was a step stool with a dishcloth covering it and on it was a cut lily and a hand made card which said-mom.

It said, how she has missed me and that she is overing me a spa treatment and of course how much she loves me.

Earlier after coming home from a graduation open house that David and I attended-I got straight back into bed. She came in and scratched my back until I fell asleep.

What an amazing blessing.

So, why so tired? Her pump beeped every 5 minutes through the night three times. We think it was most likely the TPN bag as thankfully so, it was NOT her central line.

With that and with it being midnight. . .

I love my dear children so. So much you have taught me each and ever day.

TO Jesus.

Monday, May 31, 2010 5:05 PM CDT

Thunder and a hefty breeze.

All day long been thinking about the men and women who have given their life for. . . America.

Thunder is like that battle in a far off distance, the battles we find ourselves in and within some on a daily basis some during hard seasons.

I read about a little girl being able to go to the zoo. She lasted 1 hour before she melted. A one hour zoo trip. God bless her Mama, too.

Hard day for David. The days do not seem easier. I almost long for the days of the cast and wheelchair compared to this. His spirit is broken at times and tired of the jokes even more so now-walking with a walker-it takes a lot out of him. We were talking with his violin teacher today about the next few weeks which is daunting in itself. String camp then scout summer camp, string camp will be fairly simple. A lot of walking so we may choose to use the wheelchair so he is not wasted by the time he is in classes.

Then there is summer camp. Praying for healing, patience and. . . strength.

Olivia stayed in bed resting all day. Her energy was an issue, but boy can that girl play the cello. Makes me cry to hear how she is doing despite not having too many lessons and she always has the next song half way ready. . .

Just gently, Lord.

To Jesus.

Forever.

Sunday, May 30, 2010 3:50 PM CDT

David, Olivia and I headed to Cincinnati yesterday as planned.

When I walked into Killian's room he and his Mama both were sleeping, resting. I was on the tail end of his nurse hooking up his Gfeeds and she reminded him to be careful because of it and he mumbled "careful is my middle name" . . .that took me back, that boy! I settled in next to him and he popped his eyes open and said, "Hi, Sheila! Thank's for coming to see me" which the core of these two days makes it all worth it.

A very nice visit indeed was had and selfishly I needed to see Steph.

I needed to see her and make sure Killian was all right.

. . . . . . .

David is still not walking full weight, uses his walker and is growing a bit discouraged, frustrated and tired.

I am trying to keep him moving and motivated in the right direction.

We were outside and a storm was coming and I made the mistake of saying, "hurry up" which hurts his feelings. He is ready to share how he feels to me, but to others will put on that happy face, all is well and act like it does not bother him.

Our time in So Cali was so timely and can see a bit clearer now that there have been a few days we have been home. I so appreciated how Darrell was on the whole walker, scooter, wheelchair thing for both children. How that mode of mobility is natural there; there is no negative about it, needed, then do it. No comments about it which can be hurtful, but just. . .

natural.

Liberty.

My mother's heart wants to keep David safe and away until he is walking on his own, but I know that is not really what is best for him. Nor is it best for those who are friends. I am praying we can continue to work on acceptance.

I read Jude this morning and a section popped out and bonked me on the head...some having compassion making a difference.

Jude

21Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

22And of some have compassion, making a difference:

It goes along exactly with what God has been pressing into my heart over the last 5 days.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So, we are home. For now, until Tuesday when we ride up to Cincy again for art museum and butterflies with art friends! Field TRIP! D, O and I will stay the night again for clinics are the next day.

Light is dawning; Lie broken
C. S. Lewis
The Last Battle

Saturday, May 29, 2010 8:06 AM CDT

My first initial reaction was just plain anger. Forgive me, Lord.

Yesterday we visited with friends and David has PT. Our neighbors have a pool and graciously invited David and Olivia to swim. It is one of the few pools which have my stamp of approval.

It is owned by grandparents who have basically raised their granddaughter. K has become a very special friend to Olivia. They ride bikes, sell Olivia's knittin's to the neighbors and just hang out. David, Olivia and K all get along great and as I stood on their deck talking with K's grandmother, looking over to the amazing sunset, the sky. . . what a beautiful place.

My children were happy-playing. David had a good PT session with a young man who was such an encouragement to him concerning his music and scouts. Now, he was swimming--what great "action" for the "leg". . .

Dave walked over and told me Heidi had called. Snap back into reality.

I checked my phone and saw missed calls from 4 people.

Killian (one of "Steph's boys") was air lifted to CCHMC.

I will not go into details for that is not my story to tell, but just please pray for him. I received updates well into the night and this early AM got that beloved text that he was responding.

Thankful. We have plans for snake hunting this summer. . . for making art. . . for loving each other.

Killian was the one--wise as he is--who when he saw David in early May said, "You are not going to be able to walk when the cast is off". . .

I stopped and looked at him and thanked him.

I realized last night, that this life has become a real "on-call" kind of life.

My attachment to my home is fading. I need to be ready when called.

So, will pick up the boy at his friend's house in a few hours and D, O and I will head to Cincy. He will be surprised. Olivia is READY.

My dear husband said, get a room and see them on Sunday too.

He knows how important it all is.

So thankful,

TO Jesus.

Friday, May 28, 2010 5:02 PM CDT

Please pray for Laura. I do not know all the details.

~.~.~

We pray too, that Lois Ann is having a good recovery; you are dear to us.

~.~.~.~

We want to lift up S a young teen who is undergoing unknowns now.

~.~.~.~

Also, just found out today, that mom's (Grandma Lodgie) site from her central line from her heart surgery is INFECTED! If it does not heal after abx-a surgeon will need to cut it open and dig around in her neck. Just plain not good.

~.~.~.~

David's PT went well. It was refreshing to have a man who encouraged him as a scout and a violinist, turns out his wife played French horn and is now a 1st grade teacher. He "gets" classical music which is rare these days.

Praying for rest and healing. . .

Thursday, May 27, 2010 9:50 PM CDT

LA--no play house.

I basically told MAW to just "surprise" us as it is very disappointing. . . when the play house does not arrive. . .

We had the annual WWart show tonight. More on that. . . just tired!

To JESUS!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010 11:16 PM CDT

Today.

After sleeping late and moving as fast as a boy can in a walker, we three ran down the hill for David's follow up with his orthopedic surgeon.

Arriving later than I care to state, the receptionist assured me I was not late, but early, by two days! Not a problem for them, I should say not, this guy can move people in and out of that place faster than Disneyland loading Buzz Lightyear. (Is that name one word or two, or maybe three?)

XRAY and a short walk down the hall and David received a slip of paper which gave him 3 days a week for 3 weeks of physical therapy and a "see you in a month" so we made an appointment and headed to Papa's.

I called PT and hopefully we can get that ball rolling before this week is over just so we can see what to do before we start next week.

Our drive to Papa's was pleasant with green rolling yards and mustard fields which were plain yellow. We met him for a lunch and I made a side trip to Walmart for stuffs for tomorrow night's art gig.

So, we have our puppies back and had a great day with Papa and his pond. I even got a 30 minute nap!

David's hard work has just begun. I was encouraged on the way home to have him ask where church was on Sunday. My heart has been dreading it as the location will be fairly physical afterwards, but he was excited to hear where it will be. I also am really working to carry his burdens but help him turn them over and grow through them. So, these next few weeks will be crunch time for the boy and his Mama.

To Jesus!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010 8:49 AM CDT

We are back from our journey-visit to Southern California to visit dear friends. Many memories were made and a variety of experiences as well as meeting wonderful people. . .

The children, of course, enjoyed visiting Disneyland for the first time. It was a good time and amazing how many rides one can pack into an amusement park when you have "wheels" which David beyond a shadow of a doubt needed and Olivia too. It was a perspective day for me and I do believe for David. He may not completely verbalize it today or even tomorrow, but it was a challenge to be in the scooter and hobble onto the rides.

While out there we met a wonderful PED. David's coloring on his foot and leg was alarming and we needed a doctor's eyes to look at it. Keeping it elevated when not in use did help, but even today it is not back to the color of his other leg.

We had different outings which were great, but my favorite days were the ones spent painting with my friend sitting beside me--chilled and being.

Oh how we miss them already--and Brittany who is the ultimate.

No time to ponder as David's follow up appointment is here. It will be interesting to see how this goes. I do not have experience with such things as a broken leg and not completely sure what to expect so it deemed wise to get a second opinion from CCHMC.

Blessed.

TO Jesus.

Monday, May 17, 2010 11:18 PM CDT

We made it to our destination in California.

It has been a journey and the twists and turns over the last 6 weeks have made this mama tired and weary at times, but I am again reminded it is not what I think should be.

David's appointment to see the Ortho ended up being more than just a cast removal, but a few hours later a surgery to remove the pins which one had decided to protrude.

24 hours later we were in California.

This is so much more to David. He has been tossed to and fro over these last weeks which is moulding him into a new young man.

Later, I will delve deeper into this. For now, I am just thankful for his pliable heart and his willingness to be unaffected by this world.

He and I have had such great talks and to see him struggle just to go up and down stairs, mobile from one building to another out today. . . all of it. It is leaving an impression.

Being where we are right now with the people we are visiting. . . could not be any better ordered. Period.

So blessed. Thankful.

"Children-In Christ YOU stand.
There are tears from the Saints
For the lost and unsaved

We're crying for them to come back home. . . "

Friday, May 14, 2010 10:43 PM CDT

Whew.

I am adding this entry using my iPhone so there may be many typos.

The last six weeks have been a blur. My mom came and went and I still feel like she had not visited. We shared the two children. She was such a huge help in staying home with David and his cast and his wheelchair. He was uninterested in traveling too much so it made sense.

MAW brought out the pavers which will go under the house. The two young men are a delight and I enjoyed hearing their stories.

The "cottage/playhouse" will likely be here on our return.

My students' art show is up!

So, finally MAY 14 arrived.

Cast Off Day.

That part went well until Dr said we needed to get the pins out asap. O e had broken the skin and looked a bit angry.

He asked when David had last eaten. Opps! 20 minutes ago!

Went home where we three waited until 4 pm. Surgery went great. David is so chipper and good. Pins out! Now the real work begins with range of motion and 1/2 weight. He is pretty cautious. That is David!

Thankful.

So looking forward to our flight tomorrow to California to visit dear friends.

More as life's page turns.

To Jesus. All.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010 7:41 AM CDT

There is a storm outside; rumblings of thunder off in the distance.

Rain.

Gray skies.

Olivia's walk showed me yesterday she was done. She hooked herself up to two "water balls" and continued to be miserable.

So, her gut is shut down.

It got her the opportunity to have the big bed with me. I rubbed her back and face until she slept.

The middle of the night is one of the greatest treats of living. The incredible things she says at night tell me her heart is so soft, kind and full of love.

I put a pillow between us and she moves it down. "I just need to see your beautiful face, Mama."

Was hoping to see friends today. . . but I think it is lock down on the rest of this week. Olivia has to feel better. Saturday we fly in the sky to not just California, but dear friends.

We shall see what Friday brings. David is beyond ready, but maintaining. He is learning how to take what he hears about all that is going on--and put it in his pocket and find a new way to distract himself.

He and Olivia have been having wonderful times of playing in the way they do.

Love.

Love.

Love is the key!

I love. . .Love.

Sunday, May 9, 2010 8:30 PM CDT

Dear Mom

I thought and I thought about what to give you un till I coud not any mor

Love Olivia

(insert big pink heart)

the dimond stands for your shine and sparkle

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Paper jewelry to wear to church and a brand new pot holder for my kitchen.

Love this girl.

Spa treatment in the big bed; later time with the boy.

~*~*~*~**~*~~*~*~

Did receive a call from MAW that we will hear from them this week concerning gravel, sand, pavers and house. We will take it as it comes, but I'll not mention it to Olivia.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We have some cramming to do in geography this week before we FLY--FLY to California to see our DEAR friends!

Lots happening all week with mini visits from friends before we leave. . .

and Friday.

Whew.

Friday. Please pray with us that David's leg is HEALED. It would be wonderful for him to get out of the cast and get on with his growing. He is anxious and knows that Friday's cast removal may have to wait.

He had to miss (his) first BOY SCOUT camp out this weekend-yeah, we know, there will be other camp outs. Yep, know it, this is temporary. I know that God is growing him so much through this; I am trying not to be unthankful, but it has been a hard run. But my prayer and hope is to finish strong.

There has been many changes which have taken place during this time for him. He has learned that folks who are in wheelchairs do have extra challenges, whether they are in one for weeks, months of a lifetime-it does not matter, that challenge is in the now.

He also has begun to understand that always having to answer about the leg is frustrating. He gets first hand how Olivia needs to not answer each question concerning bumps under her shirt.

He also has heard so many jokes. I have seen where he just takes it.

I wish I could be as gracious.

Thankfully, he has had friends coming to hang out on a weekly basis with him. They each have brought encouragement, no judgement on his lack of mobility nor making fun of him. One is a diabetic so, his level of empathy is absolutely kindness.

Love.

LOVE.

God has shown me so much about love.

How selfish we can be.

How I really want to be the real deal; Love is not always mushy and packaged within a box.

To be real.

For Jesus.

Saturday, May 8, 2010 2:17 PM CDT

Still no sand and gravel delivered. I guess the pending storm intimidated folks, but we have nothing but wild wind and chilly weather.

Will not say anything is supposed to come until we see them pulling into the drive way.

Saturday we fly to California for 10 days to visit with friends.

This week is your typical getting ready to leave town, with Grandma going home too. So will be hard if it comes before we leave.

Maybe while we're gone?

Not sure!

His timing. . .

Thursday, May 6, 2010 8:19 PM CDT

B R E A K

THROUGH. . .

We took a break and had a bit of time on the deck this evening. Using left over paint from a painting class this afternoon; David and I worked on our paintings.

It grew cold. Insisted the children go in--Olivia having had a bath after a WONDERFUL afternoon with her long time friend. . .collecting garbage in the woods, playhouse talks, knitting in pink rooms . . .so thankful.

Olivia came out and said-David has agreed to use his walker IF (conditions) he could have ice cream. Later, Olivia said it was her idea. It was SUCH an additional lift of spirits to this house to see our boy VERTICAL. The wheelchair was left in the big room and walker by his bed. He is mobile in a new way--coming to the finish line kind of way.

MAW called. Sand and gravel to be deposited in our yard on Friday--yes, storms predicted but you know what? He is already there.

Saturday the kind young man is coming to lay the foundation to this long awaited playhouse.

I am full. Thankful. The darkness is lifted. The light is shining. . .

So much to coming forth-and we love You Lord.

Always.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010 11:34 PM CDT

Been home alone with the kids.

We are enjoying relaxed days of pressing on of learning.

Still awaiting word on the "house, cottage, castle, etc."

David is counting down the days to have his leg back.

And soon we'll be flying to Cali.

Time to get packin'!

Monday, May 3, 2010 1:51 AM CDT

Not sure when my last journal was written forgot to look before I clicked to write a new one.

Spring was track season when I was in my later years of high school. I discovered that I could run long distances well enough to make the varsity team and even was on a school record relay for some years afterwards.

Life is a race. I am not talking fast paced, busy work and running to run, but running to achieve a goal that is not just set before us, but FOR us.

I sometimes resented Paul's reference to the race, because I no longer could run like I used to-yeah, I could "REtrain" but I am a realist, that takes time.

But truly-these last several weeks, really even months, and as a friend said, since Sept of '08 many hurdles have been fairly consistent high powered race. Sure, we take time to sip the water on the side lines, and when the rains pelt our skin and the puddles seem to be incredibly impossible to dodge -
Sunshine does come again, the breeze refreshing and we get back on track to the next leg of the race.

The kids and I were able to participate in a meeting-dinner for Samaritan's Purse. It was was God's perfect timing. Not only did we get to see and hear amazing testimonies, but it was a small enough gathering that the children were able to have good face time with some exceptional folks.

The point of our coming to Cincy was Korey's performance in Les Mis-seeing the Kboy family. Hard to come back home, but needed.

Dave is off to St Louis to check on his parents.

I will fight this fight
and
I will run this race. . .

To Jesus.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010 8:18 PM CDT

Unless the Lord builds the house.

Thankfully, we are one day closer to David's leg being released!

I will not lie and say it has been easy.

The cool part is he is getting a major dose of what it is like to be on the receiving end of being different. And although his difference will be temporary (we are praying so) he has really begun to taste what his sister has for years.

Empathy is a wonderful thing.

I am praying that once the cast is removed and pins taken out he will continue to grow and understand what he is just now tasting.

His nose is constantly in his Scout book. It is like a security blanket; but he has to work hard to get his nose in it. School, etc., has to be completed before he can even think about having it.

Mom has been such a great help. Timing is so perfect.

Just trying to keep the days rolling by, not wishing them away, nor wasting them, just trying to keep my boy good busy.

With just enough time to think about it all.

Monday, April 26, 2010 3:40 PM CDT

Trust Jesus.

I remember living in Cincinnati's inner city parts all over, there was spray painted "TRUST JESUS"-it was on overpasses, walls, signs. . . everywhere.

Over the last few days, these written reminders have popped into my head as this new phase of refinement takes place.

First, it was love. The love thing took a few years for God to pound into my heart, still there is no victory, as it is really hard to love those who have hurt and misinterpreted you, but I am coming to see them more each day through His eyes and not mine.

The love thing too, comes in many forms of action, mainly, time and effort, not money or casseroles. Love is putting oneself behind in the race.

Love is not guilting people.

Love is not judging.

Love is love. Big and full. Love is love.

I love, the real love. Not to frilly, over the top words we use to make love bigger. There is no making it bigger.

Then came Trust Jesus.

21 years later and I am starting to understand more clearly the Trust Jesus. It was if God Himself penned the spray of color on the bridges, brick walls of my home town, for it to be brought to my heart, mind and body just for today--not just for me, but to pass to my boy.

My boy! My boy to TRUST Jesus, not just today, but in all days, crossing over the bridge, trust Jesus.

Saturday, April 24, 2010 10:05 PM CDT

What a week.

It exhausts me to recount.

But I can count the blessings.

I did not have to have a root canal, God reminded me that my wallet was indeed in the house and Mom found it, the caterpillars are growing, I soon will have new glasses which I will be able to see near and far, Olivia had an amazing birthday week, time was spent with Aunt Becca, Olivia passed on the Twinkles and moving on to the next song, David is more mobile in his wheelchair, Grandma is here, I spoke to my brother, spent time with children at the library, had amazing talks with amazing women in my life, my poppies are about to bloom and with His mercy and promise-God showed me His rainbow.

During this time of refine - ment of body, soul and spirit I am left pretty much just hanging by a teensy thread called Faith. Faith in God will not leave me; trusting that He will take care of "it" and I do NOT have to micro manage Him nor any other worries for the future days ahead.

You make all things work together for my good. . .

To Jesus. . .

Friday, April 23, 2010 9:26 PM CDT

Narrated to Grandma Lodgie

Amy Carmichael by Olivia Blinn DeKold

I think that Amy is about the bravest person I have ever read about. Amy was 14 years old when she attended girls' boarding school in England. She often led mischievous activities. One of them was her science teacher had told all the girls that there was a comet that would pass overhead at midnight. All of the girls were depending upon her to go to principal's office and ask Miss Kay if they could watch the comet at midnight. Of course, the principal said no. So, Amy came up with a wonderful plan so they could watch the comet. Amy pulled out a piece red thread that she had sneaked out of sewing class and she cut a piece for all the girls about the same length. And then she told the girls that they should take a piece and tie it to their big toe and she would them every now and then to keep them awake. But, when going to attic to watch the comet they were to skip the 3d step...it had a creak.

So, they all tiptoed along skipping the 3d step. When they were at the top, they all sat with their heads looking through the skylight. Amy looked around and there were shapes of furniture and there were other shapes. She looked harder...they were the shapes of people. Suddenly Miss Kay struck a light....it was Miss Kay and several of other teachers......several of the girls screamed. Miss Kay told them to hush and to look up at the comet. They all saw the comet and Miss Kay told Amy to come to her office after breakfast. Amy did as she was told; she went to breakfast the next day and went to the principal's office. Miss Kay told Amy that she was going to be punished by helping the maids do chores.

Several years later, Amy and her brothers who attended another boys' school, were called to come home. They went back home. They all lived together for a while. When her father died, she had to help her mother with the other kids. One day when they were coming from church, the oldest kids liked to run ahead. They were running ahead and they saw a poor beggar woman with the firewood tied to her back. One of the Amy's brothers took the firewood and walked along with her. Amy and her other brother took an arm and walked along with her. They asked her where she was going...she pointed to a place far ahead. When they were walking along, they noticed other people avoiding them because they were helping a beggar lady. They were in their best church clothes....they all walked with their heads down. Amy was trying to pretend that she was not walking a beggar woman. She noticed a fountain which was a normal fountain. She thoughts she heard a voice....she looked around and heard it again. She looked at the fountain; it seemed to be talking to her The words sounded familiar to her. Later at home, when her mother was preparing dinner, she flipped over her Bible looking for this verse. She found it and then she read it aloud. After she read it, she went downstair because dinner was ready and her sisters thought she looked different and she acted differently, too.

Her Mother accepted a job offer in England. Amy and her two sisters went with her Mother. Amy Carmichael was interested in the shawlies. They are women who wear their shawls up over their heads to protect them from the weather. Amy liked the shawlies so she started a Bible study for the women. Then she decided that she needed to live with them in order to understand them. Money was given to Amy through prayers to build a building for the shawlies to have meetings and Bible studies.

Then Amy went to Japan on the Yokohama Muri. When she arrived lived with the poor people. Soon she got very sick and the doctor prescribed fresh air for her. Robert Wilson, her good friend in England, wanted her to come to live with him during her sickness. He liked her so much that she became his secretary. She asked permission to go India with him. So she got aboard a ship and sailed to India.

There she worked with the poor people starting a group called Starry Cluster of women who were outcast and Christian. There was a girl that Amy would never forget; she said that she wanted to be a Christian. Amy smuggled her out of her home and took her to a Christain woman's house. The woman said she saw a person walk around to the girl's side of the room. In the morning, the woman asked the girl who it was and eventually the girl told her that it was her boy friend and that they wanted to get married but were not allowed to because they were in different castes.

So, the Indian woman put her on her father's doorstep.

A lot of people called Amy the "child stealing" Amma. Amma means mother in Tamil (Indian) language. She knew that God had called her to rescue children...especially girls from the Hindu temples and Hindu lifestyle.

Toward the end of her life, she had over 100 girls. One day an older woman brought a little baby wrapped up in a bundle and handed "her" to Amy. The baby smiled at Amy and then snuggled up against her. When one of the workers took the baby to change its diaper, she ran down screaming. Amy wondered what was the problem. Her worker said, "She is a he!"

Then amy was faced with the problem of whether she should have boys...eventually she said yes.

She has over 140 children with her. Then she started the Hospital. She found a perfect house...it was called a "haunted" house.

When she walked outside to see how it looked and there was a hole that Amy did not see. She fell into the hole and broke her leg and twisted her ankle. So she had to stay in bed the rest of her life. Amy was 83 when she died. She told her fellow workers that she did not want a grave marker. They buried under a tree and they hoped she would forgive them when they put a birdbath with the word Amma carved into it on top of her grave.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010 7:00 PM CDT

David spent the entire day in his wheelchair today!

Has not had much "pin pain" lately so that helps with his confidence in being more mobile.

I have to say when I see photos of his wearing jeans walking about squeezes my heart. Brings the "Mama Bear" out in me so, I am laying low.

The temporary aspect is our prayer request. We pray that all will be healed fully and without any complications.

Last night I was drawing designs on his cast.

David requested I did not as it drew attention to his cast which then draws attention to his riding in a wheelchair.

He told me, that "he knew" what people thought of people in wheelchairs which prompted me to ask him what he thought.

I never got the full picture answer from him. Little by little, God is removing pieces which are revealing beautiful parts of Him.

How I love that he is so sensitive; it is truly a very special gift from God. I just know it can be an awfully painful living if one does not GIVE it back to God. To keep it upon His Hands and Plans is key, which can breed an amazing perspective of real L O V E.

The kind you cannot buy.

The kind that comes from the Love of the One who Loves beyond any measuring stick. No tricky words replayed over and over or gimmicks has He

-just L O V E.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010 7:29 PM CDT

Birthday was a success. Loved ones surrounding her and sweet cards, calls and messages.

Celebratory.

A bit more birthday business still to take place but will in the right time.

It could be just DAYS until the playhouse is here. It has been fun to hear the plans on how to share this gift.

A tea party is first on the docket and we are brainstorming fun ways to approach such an event.

Thankful.

Monday, April 19, 2010 8:09 PM CDT

David was writing a report on Samuel Morse and I had him follow the outline approach. Today is one of those days which needs an outline approach to attempt to document, but as I have said before, I will allow it to pour out and let the words fall where they land and be finished.

Mondays are special for David and me. We attempt to cram in one more violin practice session and today was no exception, but it came after a trip to our new PEDS office, and a breakfast. David and I sat in the waiting room; he in his wheelchair and I well, in the chair. He was impressed with Dr. Lane, a PED we have known for a long time. She was with the old PED's practice and actually was a major team player during one of Olivia's scary flares many years ago - ON David's birthday! So, we have decided to give her a try and she was great with David. She assumed he was a soccer player, but as I told David, you can KICK BUTT in violin lessons just as you can KICK BUTT in soccer practice.

I can say that because I was both a soccer player and a flute player.

Then off to breakfast, wait, Grandma before we even left the house read the next chapter of Amy Carmichael's story. This is important as David brought her up today.

Right across the street is our favorite restaurant, one I have taken David since he was in my belly. They needed to see our boy in his leg cast and give him opportunity to share and be in on part of his story.

Coming home made it violin time. Olivia had already practiced and done her minimal requirements and discovered our beloved mouse, "Carmel" who was bought at a friendly yard sale. Carmel, we both knew was going home with us as soon as we saw "him, her, it" because. . . well, it had to--it was Bamster's neice's!

We nursed Carmel back to snuff, with sugar water, prayer, prayer and love. Carmel is making her, his, its noises as I type.

David and I off to violin. After having listened to the song before this song and the song after; I have to be honest and say, I think I do hear it in my sleep. The boy did so well. He got through his newest song after only ONE week of working on it. My boy in his chair, vulnerable, but true to David spirit, plugged along and did so well. Ran to the library, then to Office Depot to pick up a few items for Scoutman and Olivia girl's birthday.

Birthday? Did someone say BIRTHDAY? This girl milks it! It does NOT help that my friends play it up more than anyone should be allowed to, but thankfully so. . . she is so excited about what being 10 may mean.

Pierced ears? Possibly.

Home, boys gone.

I mow and up drives a bright red truck.

A young man approaches me, friendly, introduces himself and he is FROM. . .

MAKE A WISH!

He is going to be the man who LAYS the paver stones. . .

THEN the HOUSE can be delivered.

He was WONDERFUL to Olivia, who had been skating around with her helmet on, and Charlie following all around the yard. She confiscated her brother's worn out jeans and wore them like I wear my Daddy's jeans. Tied around her waist was a knitted "scarf" which now is a belt. I looked at my daughter and thought. . . wow. What a neat kid. No worries about what society says to her, that was for sure today.

Which brings me back to David's comment about Amy Carmichael.

The boy in defense to some comment I made regarding about his appearance, oh, no, being in a wheelchair.

"I do not care what people think, just like Amy Carmichael."

Olivia cannot wait to share her house, something about "Stand up, Sit down, Knit-Knit-Knit". . .

So, today I lugged, lifted, giggled and cried as David and I got in and out of the car. MY LOVE FOR THOSE WHO DO THIS on a regular basis. . . for those who HAD done it on a regular basis. . . I am in awe.

TO Jesus...

Sunday, April 18, 2010 7:28 AM CDT

The days here have been amazingly beautiful here.

Spring has been gentle to those of us a bit fragile; God's mercy upon our lives.

He makes all things beautiful.

Calvary came to town. Family surrounding us is a good thing. A needed thing, and as Miss Holly reported that she now knows the day of the week, I can relate as many of those who live with chronic issues and with a crisis in the mix, one can totally loose track of the name of the day.

Simple as it sounds.

We need a new plan of action. Although on our way up to Cincy on Wednesday Olivia felt much better-early this morning mom came to get me as Olivia was in pain again. She vents out as little as 20 ml and there is a bit of relief. So, I slept with her, dreaming about whether or not Tammy was home and helping Olivia vent through the night each time waking to - which bed am I sleeping in now?

I love the analogy I received yesterday during a brief but so needed chat with Steph. We both agreed that despite it all we were not going to be the Grinch, but the Whos in Whoville. Singing, rejoicing, being thankful, content. . . I tend to ball it all up and barf it out with fear as the ammunition when things get too drastic.

Today is here, now what to do with it?

Love one another.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010 8:23 PM CDT

Home. Day trip.

As we drove past Carrolton, KY, Olivia said she no longer had the pain which really has plagued her now for almost three weeks. It had come and gone over the last three weeks, but yesterday's was just way too much.

Blood tests, ultra sound, urine culture from couple of days ago is negative, examine showed she looks good.

We had friends there--all the way from ID there with us! Wow, what dears. . . hoping to have some time with them tomorrow AM before they head west.

Olivia was so cute today; Nurse Gerry walked her to the bathroom to get a urine sample. It was the first time she'd done it without my help. Olivia said she could not void much and was "preparing a speech" for Nurse Gerry on how I could "cath" her if she needed more.

She shared on the way home how she wanted to live on Mercury to see the sun so big, but then remarked about its lack of atmosphere.

Love her thinking; love how she is calm midst the storm.

"It will all work out today, Mom."

Yep, sure did.

TO Jesus!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010 9:06 AM CDT

First David, not only are are the seasonal allergies and asthma making things difficult; he had some pain with feeling the pins last night. After talking with a friend (SO THANKFUL FOR MY DEAR FRIENDS) that David will HAVE pain as he grows and heals. So, we got some help with his "pain pill". . .

Olivia has had a different pain in her upper side for too long. It stopped after having the abx for the UTI, but came back, but even before then. Last night was rough and hard, but this morning much better.

Since we all are rested I called CCHMC and we'll go up for a clinic, labs, US of belly. I feel better.

BUT Grandma is here!

Dave is back at work.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 7:16 PM CDT

Grandma is here!

Olivia is in another flare of sorts, pain in the side, venting constantly. . .

and David boy is in an asthmatic flare!

We need to place DEKOLD CLINIC above our door!

Dave goes back to work tomorrow. . .

Monday, April 12, 2010 5:57 PM CDT

Sitting on the back deck, Olivia is sawing wood down below, my boys headed out to Boy Scouts. The birds were good enough, but the spring's chain saw down the way was distracting.

So, some music to go along with the mockingbird, carpenter bees and rumbles of cars deep in the valley.

Did some work today, school work. Olivia pounds away, does her best, so thankful she can learn at home-it did not work trying to do academics around kids her age. Was too much, does not matter. She is well past her years in many other very important ways. I love that she is not competitive; that her "beat" is her "beat" original and unique.

It is more than just school work.

She is sporting new glasses and her urine is down the hill at the lab. Still having side pains.

I _hate_ side pains.

It could be more than just side pains.

We sang through all the verses of "Jesus Loves Me" Sunday here at church. . . there was a verse about being ill and pain. Maya, Natalie, Colyn, Kody, Killian, Laura, Benjamin, Olivia and so many others. . . I love these children so much-see the day to day, know their broken-ness only makes them all the sharper and brighter. . . in my eyes but mostly in His. Jesus loves all the children-all their different colors, but also all their uniqueness in their illness, pain and suffering.

Today was off the hill day for David.

David's doc appointment was record time. We entered to a room full of people and I wondered if we'd make it to violin on time. Immediately he was called back by a nurse who looked older than my mom. She was a delight, and full of amazing love.

I love. . .love.

By the time we left I shared with her about Colyn and how important this trip to California is.

It is more than just a trip to California.

The great news is David is healing well.

Five more weeks and he can have the cast off if all looks healed the day before we head to California. The pins will wait to come out after the trip. David will have had a renewing time with people who know far more about depth and will come back ready.

Because there are more than broken legs. . .

Over to violin the boy and I. We were early due to the 15 minute doctor visit and he and I talked. He is being stretched. Tears shed, anxious about doing the same things, looking different, being different. Did not want to even hold his violin as I pushed him. His teacher was truly fabulous with him. He and I joked, got some good smiles, laughter and a new song to work through this week.

My face has had that feeling of having had tears fall for a few days. It is not over David completely, nor Olivia, but maybe the idea of understanding--that "glimpse" as I call it--of what it is like. It allows me to appreciate all the more my heroes and all they do on a regular basis. . . every day. . .

day

in

and

day

out.

Be encouraged.

Philippians 3:14

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Monday, April 12, 2010 5:57 PM CDT

Friday, April 9, 2010 11:40 PM CDT

The boy and the leg seem to be doing all right. Tonight he mentioned "having" to watch The Waltons-you know, the one about the soldier who no longer can walk. He is making connections, I tell him Kody asked about him and remembers when he (Kody) could not walk.

Tonight Olivia and I watched David Crowder Band live out at Patty's church out in SO CA. Olivia remarks that she thought he would look like Daddy! Boy, was SHE in for a surprise! She called him a bear, and we giggled when he brought out the "Key-tar" I said, what is that? And she asked me NOT to tell anyone, (of course I told her the journal was fair game) and with her grin and twinkly brown eyes told me. . .

"When I am in the hospital, I like to watch the 'baby' shows. One time they brought out a 'keytar' and when I saw it I thought, that looks like a keyboard, but it is called a keytar, so THAT is how I know, from a baby show."

So, SHE knew what it was and in her disclosing HOW she knew I could only take my hands and wrap them around her face and look into those brown eyes!

Olivia enjoyed her time with Miss Maggie today. Safe, quiet and away from having to be nurse. David, is very aware of how he cannot do "anything" and tonight I asked him if he liked it. . . and he said, "OF COURSE NOT!"

I ran errands-down to the library where I had a nice visit with one of my favorite librarians. I have two, no, three there who I have come to love. One, four years ago lost a very close friend. She had seen Olivia and asked about her, her friend had needed IV support and she was curious about Olivia. It was then I was making pottery and ran a piece down to her as a memorial to her friend. It was also just 2 weeks before Natalie died. So, today having freshly spoken to Hope and then seeing Stephanie at the library; it had such a life puzzle feel.

She asked if I was still making pottery; I said no. I was making artists. She smiled and I told her about David.

I have "memorials" to get sent out; years behind. Timing will be on time.

Then to "State Street Kroger" I popped in for a few items and behind the Boars Head meat counter was my favorite deli slicer. He is a kind older black man and usually gives me a slice to try, but today I could see his eyes shift to his co-workers as if to say, "I can't"-I smiled and we shared that human connection where words fail.

It was good to get out and be with my community people-to love on them! I love people, generally. I still cannot get over how much Jesus talked about that and how sometimes it is seems on paper easy to do, but in action is the utter hardest thing to do, for real. Real love. Being real. And Love.

Real love.

How many times in the day do I catch myself wanting to call for him to pick up, do that, fix this. . .I MISS his walking legs probably just as much!

Monday is 2 PM appointment with his surgeon. Anxious to see how this doc is in the office. He is one you have to ask to get anything, so. . . will be good to have us both there.

GRANDMA LODGIE COMES Tuesday! David will have a built in buddy as I am INSISTING that she is NOT to do so much, but to sit and be. . .

real love which she is always good at. . . or should I say, at which she is good.

To JESUS!

Thursday, April 8, 2010 9:02 PM CDT

Spring cleaning, for real. It has been years since I have been able to do this. The broken leg has given me an excuse to let everyone "off" for the week so I can catch up on the part of the home front.

I have to say, I love it. I love the new arrangement of furniture and can see how it will be a blessing to David to lie on the sofa and look out to the valley, or watch a DVD (Latin?) or. . . It was fun to wheel him out today after the big parts had been completed to surprise him.

Blessed by our neighbor friends in the afternoons coming over and playing. Each having their own playmate and I having more children in the house. Love it.

David LOVES SKYPING with his Vfriends. It is by far the highlight to talk Scouts and Velvet likes it too!

Olivia is still off; we are giving her extra fluids, still running the ABX, but to no avail, but it could very well be the ABX which is making her "sick"--so--two more doses and we shall see.

Sunday will be our first time hosting church in our home. Very excited to see all our friends and share our home.

Grandma LODGIE comes TUESDAY afternoon!

In Jesus' Name!

Thursday, April 8, 2010 0:47 AM CDT

Literal storms have come, figurative storms have passed.

Today was another stormy day in my heart, but after talking with a couple of friends things felt better, safer, easier and things may actually turn out all right.

David had a good day; reading about WWII, two interesting books. One was actual drawings done by children during the time of the war and what they had to say about the war and living within it. And now he is reading "dramatic' novel concerning the war and orphans.

He had a visitors via the computer and in flesh. He was whooped by 8 PM.

Olivia has us a bit befuddled. Still on antibiotics for her UTI, running replacement fluids, she is still pouring out from all her tubes and now has had a steady distention for a few weeks and THE side pain is back. . .

Time to rest.

In Jesus.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010 9:59 PM CDT

Full rich day.

Steph is home after another day on the "table". . .

David sat in his wheelchair two times today!

He enjoyed some online games with a friend. . .

Olivia and I met dears to set up the art display at the library. . .

Olivia is still on her antibiotics for UTI and still not looking herself.

The Bamster and Ben came up and had a quick visit and dinner. . .

Talked to my Dad and even dreamed a bit. . .

But today was the backlash, what just happened to us kind of day. It was the, okay, gotta push forward day and stay on track day.

Find the points, goals to which to press forward. The do not think too far ahead and do not dwell day.

I THOUGHT I could drive up to Cincinnati for the home schooling convention which we as a family had planned on attending, but as I told my Dad who was going to make the trip with me. . .

Just cannot leave my boy right now.

Want to keep him EVERY day moving forward. . .

He has a follow up appointment Monday at 2 PM, then violin, then scouts. . .all on one day will be over the top way too much. SO. . . time to rethink and redo.

Piano is out of the question with "THE Leg" but so many other options.

I love the change of seasons, but spring and autumn bring in extra reflection. Both at their beginning had major life outcomes for Olivia, now, David!

Olivia will have had her two tubes, ileostomy, needing to be cathed and TPN dependent for 8 years come April 22.

Spring always brings me every year to clearing out and nesting.

Today was a day to gather the goods and now, I am ready to stay put and get back to the creative parenting mode.

To Jesus.

Monday, April 5, 2010 11:08 PM CDT

It seems like weeks have passed since the ER visit, even the surgery itself.

David has had a decent day. We accomplished the goal of having the wheelchair IN the house. My initial goal was to have him in it, but could tell by everything it was not the day.

He had good things happen with playing an online Scrabble game with Laura and Matthew, Grandma, Daddy and me. That made him happy, busy and thinking about words and scores.

Tonight, told him he had to just stand. It is daunting. He did it; and in a few minutes asked for the wheelchair to be brought in so he could see it. So that is another good step in the forward direction.

It was encouraging when he saw his BOY SCOUT handbook Daddy brought in tonight. . . He immediately got started. He was NOT going to let "THE LEG" hold him back. . .

To Jesus.

Monday, April 5, 2010 5:59 AM CDT

Dave went in to work after all was taken care of here early evening. Papa was sent home so his reserves can be stored up for Friday.

Olivia in bed with her brother, Velvet too.

David's pain is controlled but in need of the RX.

Yesterday was very much the honeymoon feel but this morning is a bit different.

Olivia is on an every 8 hour antibiotic schedule which in a way is good because it really has us locked down a bit more. She looks good and we think her body is rid of the UTI. This spring we felt it was time for Olivia to learn how to cath herself. I know much younger kids do this, but it has not been a priority of ours until now. I felt it more important for her to know the CVL care and hooking up and unhooking. The tube and pouch care she did naturally and I do not even know when she changes a pouch, well, yes, I do, but not because I am assisting.

Olivia and David have a rhythm which always occurs after a crisis. Yesterday they did what they always do, but this time it was Olivia crawling in bed and bringing things to David.

David has needed the pain relief ordered by the doctor. Today is going to be difficult as he is in need of a bed bath, tooth brushing, etc. I am all for doing minimal on the return day. Rest-REST!

There is no way he can attempt the piano with "The Leg" so that will need to be put on hold, but violin will be all right in a week or so. It is a shame because he was making strides-this is temporary.

So, this morning, hooking Olivia's med ball and walking the dogs-the wind and early morning dark-I could feel the heaviness of the cloud cover.

But morning comes into full view, and as it does the concerns seem to fall away because the Light is always there, returning each morning restoring our hope and faith.

Trusting Jesus.

Sunday, April 4, 2010 3:13 PM CDT

More of the Story!

Floyd Memorial Hospital in New Albany did a great job of taking care of our boy. We know that God's tender Hand was upon this whole SITUATION!

First of all, so thankful it was OUR friend's dog and not OURS who did this. You have to love a good chocolate lab and their ability to focus on "BALL" - we have been using the analogy from the movie UP. Instead of Squirrel it was BALL! Thankfully, David is a true animal lover and if anyone even inches close to a possible negative on "Scouts" account he is quick to support his furry friend.

It was different-OH SO-different being with David. A totally different set of rules, different complications, different everything, but he really took me by surprise with all his very quick wit and wonderful manners.

The surgery went well, but because of where his leg was fractured-growth plate, pins were needed. The cast itself is pretty impressive almost up to the hip and therefore HEAVY. Crutches were not working so we opted for a walker with a wheelchair to be delivered tomorrow.

This morning after surgery, at my prompting we had a VERY LOW dose of morphine. When the nurse left to retrieve it he said, "MORPHINE? Isn't that a bit out-dated, it was used in WW II and overly so!?" We laughed and when I told the nurse she gave him the low down and he relaxed.

Of course PT came in to try him out with crutches thirty minutes after the dose. David had a few quick funnies over that. Poor kid, but he worked hard and after a time of it got him back into bed. Kind David with his lunch which made him smile bigger than ever.

It took us a LONG time to get from the car to the front door. "Leg" posses many problems for sure. It is like moving a heavy piece of fragile furniture which tells you if you need to go higher or lower.

He has been napping since being home.

All I know, I am so thankful for all those who have been such a support to us. David had many visitors today--more than Olivia in her lifetime--what a BLESSING to have a good hospital nearby, allowing our friends to minister to us.
SO thankful to my friends who texted or sent messages of encouragement, pointing me to the One who loves Him most.

It is a definite time of drawing the horses in and circling the wagons. That is an understatement at this point. David will not be able to "walk" until after our visit to California most likely!

Yes, it is Easter. WIth it we have been very busy just helping our boy get his basic needs met, trying to stay in the moment, not looking too far in advance but knowing that He really is already there, as always.

To Jesus.

Saturday, April 3, 2010 11:27 PM CDT

Enjoying the morning, Olivia and I in uncharacteristic spontaneous frivolous fun ran down to Aunt Becca's to raid her fridge. David was at a sleep over eating waffles with whipped cream.

We girls then headed to Old Navy something we rarely do.

And I get a call.

David took a hard hit from a 100 lb chocolate lab who was just chasing a ball.

I think, okay. We all thought, okay. He is all right. When Olivia and I pull up I see he took a harder hit than any of my soccer days.

After settling the boy(s). Olivia and I retreated to the big bed. I knew ER was now in the plan, but I wanted to let him rest as well as I to see.

Sure enough after two sets of X Ray a fracture was detected and tomorrow a closed reduction with possible pinning is on the docket.

David has been amazing; deep eye contact and clearly a very sweet patient.

It is hard to NOT look too far ahead.

No time yet For surgery.

Rest.

Saturday, April 3, 2010 9:23 AM CDT

Oh HOW He LOVES us. . .

I cannot believe another year has passed. This season is by far my most favorite, with the expectancy of life coming back to the earth.

To see the living color around my yard and the skies opening up into a rain pour all the contrasts makes me want to sit and paint, write a song, play my flute, to rejoice in the Creation, to see the beauty of it in the largest places to the smallest.

This winter was a hard one and lives have been changed for the rest of this time on this world. It is not complex any more; it is simple, pain, love, grief, worship.

In art school I had a teacher's assistant who taught my ceramic class. I appreciated her simplicity in her art even in her titles. I was recently reminded of her when I sat face to face with a former student within her depth explained to me a painting, simple Truth revealed.

I am so thankful that God as Creator in all the intricacies of creation made eternal life simple and clear.

. . . .
Be encouraged.

. . . .

When I go, don't cry for me;

in my Father's Arm's I'll be.

Wounds this world had done my soul

All will be healed; I'll be whole.

Sun and moon will be replaced with the Light of Jesus' Face.

And I will not be ashamed for my Savior knows my Name.

It don't matter where you bury me.
I'll be home and I'll be free.

All my tears be washed away.

Jars of Clay

Friday, April 2, 2010 10:58 PM CDT

Untying the Apron Strings

All of us have worked hard in every way possible for many days. Today was a day of survival, preparing and even rest.

Last night we got home later as we spent GOOD time with our Bamster and her family. I treasure that family. Real and loved.

Olivia and I grabbed our clothes and headed down the hill for the Ped office this morning. She doing her little game and I managing our schedule; we were busy, not at all in a hurry, but wanting to get on with our day.

Gave quick directions to the Peds Nurse and then a quick howdy to the new Ped Doc only out of formality. Then to the quick infusion, still I was not finished with what I was planning, but our jaunt over, all went well.

A quick visit with students, then mandating that we all have quiet time, but Andrew and I talking Boy Scouts and I was able to share a bit more about one of his badges. Disability Awareness. David and Jeffery in the basement making their costumes of war and Olivia out and about with her sweet friend.

The boys went off to their sleep over in the woods.

The day was full and ended well. A great visit with my all time dearest and longest Louisville gal-the best cook I know and one who loves me.

Tomorrow night is an exciting time. We get to not only meet a new member of a very faithful, humble and kind family but we will be reunited with them after their almost 3 week stay on the other side of this world. . . earth to adopt their daughter. This little girl has waited well over a year for her family. We are excited to be a part of it all.

I am reminded that we are all adopted ones of the Greatest One. I love the truth of how He loved me long before I ever even acknowledged Him.

So as this pocket has been filled, it is time for a new pocket to be sewn onto my worn garment and filled yet again with wonderful memories of living life, fully and completely--with His Hands showing us where, when and what. . .

TO Jesus.

Thursday, April 1, 2010 11:37 PM CDT

Olivia has officially begun her count down. April 20, 2000.

10 years old.

Her pain must be kidney as she is sporting a UTI. Got the news today via iPhone in the middle of an art class-happened to check on dates and saw the email from Nurse G.

So, it is always feels good to make the call, but not good when there is something there.

Just knew something was up, too much unexplained, not normal pain and her color was way off, not to mention all the output from everywhere.

We had our Easter egg hunt here today. We will miss "the boys" but I am so anxious to meet the "new sister" and see my friend(s) again.

Olivia pushed through her day; she walked our neighbor's dog about 4 times. She is the official Payton dog sitter. She is very proud of her "first" job.

I am just thankful over and over to have my children.

To Jesus

Wednesday, March 31, 2010 10:05 PM CDT

Olivia is still flaring but is amazing.

Her side is hurting which is a bit concerning as it has been going on now for two days.

Took urine in to culture to make sure it is not that.

Peace.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010 11:48 PM CDT

End of March.

This year has blown by on some days and on others it feel as if each minute was in a slow drip as in a Dali painting.

This section of time, portion, glimpse is drawing to a close. I pray the blessing has been on both sides. Having Andrew and Jeffery here has made life full in the unique way it could only be-by having ANDREW and JEFFERY.

Next stop will be a short week and a short overnight visit from Papa before we as a COMPLETE family head to Cincy for the homeschooling convention. There we have established and will be our 2nd Annual HS convention. Swimming, Krohns Conservatory, CAM, cruising the exhibit hall, togetherness in my favorite city in the world. It is not anything overly fancy, but is what I would call home on this earth with its richness of memories from long ago to the very present.
Then home again for Grandma to come. And again, our life will be made full in the way that it is by having mom here.

I have been thinking a lot about what a family is; what is family, what is it to "do"
"be"
"look-like". . .

and I am learning it is, yes, Dave, Sheila, David and Olivia, but it is those who come into our home and live with us for whatever reason, space or time. It is those who have stuck through it with us despite the hardest of times. People who although, may say, friends, but I feel it much deeper.

I am surrounded by "large" family friends and at times wonder what it would be like, and I am reminded that my family is full, large and extended. It does not always look like others' families-the breaking of the mould continues-and with a bit of quiet intrepidation I wait to see, what is next.

This year especially has been full of pockets of places and people far and near. I am starting to see clearly that, yes, I have a "home" here, but God's plan and work for us is far reaching and not your ordinary life style.

Having the back deck door open, children still hammering away at the tree house, blankets out in the sun. . . it feels a bit refreshing.

Now, onto figuring out Olivia's formula of this week. Strange colors coming from her; she is tired and complained of her "tummy hurting." Then comes the deciphering of what kind of tummy hurting. So, to cover bases and with Dave off from work he took a urine sample down to rule that in or out, whichever the case.

Eggs are dyed, and plastic ones filled and ready for a hunt at some point this week. It is so hard to believe that another year has passed.

Come, Lord Jesus.

Sunday, March 28, 2010 7:14 PM CDT

Hands and Feet.

How beautiful are the feet.

Olivia and I had a great girl only day out, yesterday. We took in lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant where the waiter gives her special attention. We dreamed together, laughed and shared hearts. We were like two girls with our heads together, talking constantly over our lunch.

We hit many stops and all the along the way I was so thankful to have a little lady to be with me.

Just a short stop here.

We are still enjoying our guests. They are good kids and hoping my kids have not rubbed off on them.

The side yard has been CLEANED UP like never before! We are preparing the space for the HOUSE! Olivia is so excited and many are joining us for this.
Some have been with us a long tow of the way, and others new, but all in all--we are just thankful to see it finally happening.

Dave will call MaW tomorrow and see if we can get a date and some help with putting in a pad for it to rest upon-instead of mud!

To Jesus!

Friday, March 26, 2010 8:51 PM CDT

I have limited time on the computer with need of a visit to Dr. Apple. Should be only a week or so.

What an amazing trip this year has been. I cannot begin to understand all the twists and turns. . .and am truly understanding the concept, the truth of giving it over to Him. All of it. Each tiny and every big part.

We have been blessed by two additional boys in our house. We have had such great times, learning times, growing times, gleaning times. . . and thankful that these boys have sisters and know how to treat a sister.

This week was a unofficial spring break, but if it is nice out--out they go.

A tree house is in the making, a bookcase for Olivia's MAW house--which is going to be called about on Monday.

A great day of art and music. . .cookies and brownies. . .

Love.

Friday, March 19, 2010 9:30 AM CDT

Days are floating and zooming!

We have our two "extra boys" with us now and enjoying having them be a part of our family.

Their parents and oldest sister are in China adopting their new sister. We are excited to be a part of this journey with them.

With the weather change the children are enjoying time on the hill, riding bikes, walking dogs in not so cold weather and doing their work along side their friends.

Yesterday the older boy asked, "Is it always like this on Thursdays?" I giggle and thought, and said, "YES!" Yesterday was extremely full of flute students, art students and children out and about the yard.

God has directed me into new places with the homeschooling students; things I learned from my years at NBCS. My days with Miss Smith and English classes are coming into view as I branch out and into the community-out of the salt shaker and into a bland pot. Seasoning as we press on to different people.

Last night was an interesting time. A friend who is into natural remedies asked to give a talk, etc. And afterwards The Bamster and I headed to one of our "Late Night Walmart Shopping Experiences" which is always a good release and full of good laughs.

With breakfast being cooked every morning by my personal chef, (older visiting boy), I am being spoiled.

Still no word from MAW. Olivia has been keeping up with everyone and was the FIRST one up. I will have to slow the pace this weekend or she will crash, hard and fast.

LOIS ANN-Olivia received her gift. . . she LOVES it and gave her hope that this "wish" will really happen. Thank you, for being a part of the OTeam.

Love to all-
Sh

Monday, March 15, 2010 1:44 AM CDT

The flow of life here is due for some ebbing. I do see it happening within this coming week as we will begin to settle down.

2010 has been so deep.

Prior to my last entry, I was sick and awaiting the right time to be able to head to Ohio. David stayed with Dave and had some time with Papa as Olivia and I spent an incredible almost week with a family of friends.

It was not on the calendar; it was one of those situations that one knows is much needed for both. It also meant I needed to let go and be present.

We arrived home late last Thursday and I was spent. Wanting so badly to put into words what I (we) experienced but also it was still too deep to gather thoughts.

Olivia had the opportunity to taste what it means for me to leave her at night. There are only a few places I truly know could care for her, not just in love, but in knowledge and this IS one of those homes. With my taking Steph back to hospital, Olivia had to stay back. When I returned early the next morning I noticed several used tissues by her sleep on the floor.

I told David about that, he began to open and tell me about times when I had to leave him.

Olivia disclosed she cried herself to sleep that night, but survived!

That night in ED I realized that there was much more to Olivia's nights. Pouch!! I immediately called Heidi and she checked on her through the night and even after I had returned in the morning. We were all there, present-loving and living and helping.

The special moments with each person there. Seeing things, and being invited to do things that stretched me beyond measure.

We are never the same after such a visit.

It takes me back to my art room window where Rosie V and I stood before she moved south. I was heartbroken to loose a friend to a move and there she imparted such wisdom. Life is every changing.

When flying out to California in January; I knew that my friend, there, would be changed; she would be forever different.

Now, I am becoming more and more okay with that. Have to be.

So with folks on the mend, relationships renewed and deeper, it is time to get back to the task at hand.

This week friends will be traveling to a far away land to bring back a new member in their family! We have been blessed to keep two of their boys with us. I would ask for prayer of safety, health and God's step ordering for this couple and their 18 year old daughter going with them. Praying that Olivia will stay well-fever free, obstruction free especially during this time.

Need to contact Make A Wish. There have been folks asking how that is going and at this point, not sure. The house is ready, but we do need something to have the house sit on so it does not rot. Olivia wants a tea party, house warming with her friends. . .

April is a HUGE month here. Easter, Olivia's birthday, possible MAW delivery, Blue and Gold Banquet (David will be an official BOY SCOUT afterwards!), Grandma Lodgie's visit, Clinics, Homeschooling Convention.

Meanwhile we pray. Seek His Face. Thou art the Potter and I am the clay. . .

Friday, March 5, 2010 9:20 AM CST

Finally.

The LORD is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the LORD hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.

On my way home from visiting Cheryl who is my long time neighbor friend up here on the hill, I saw amazing clouds. Just that morning God had directed me to the book of Nahum and when I read about the clouds being the dust of his feet, I was reminded that He is so much bigger than the days which I am trying to manage.

At some point I received a phone call that one of my friends was going to need surgery, I busily made plans to head up, then surgery was rescheduled, back and forth, all that days were being fit together and taken apart and meanwhile I was trying to maintain when lessons were going to be.

Then I got sick. It has been one of the strangest colds (?) I have ever experienced, but then again, nothing is a surprise anymore.

Last weekend I was in turmoil knowing I would not be able to get there when was most needed, mainly because I was living in my body and it was acting not like myself.

After prayer and giving it to the One who carries burdens best; He gave me Friday to go up. To go up after planned lessons were over. So, that is the plan. I started to re-fret over it, but I think God is showing me He can show even withOUT my being there.

Amazing, huh?

So, bags are packed, and house is being cleaned, I'll lead two lessons today and we will head up later. I cannot leave too early for other reasons.

Keeping this family in prayer, and so many others. . . pain is such a significant reality in so many folks' lives.

And pain has so many different faces, masks, and places into which it reaches.

To Jesus.

Thursday, March 4, 2010 7:07 AM CST

March 4.

I remember once being told it is the only date which is a command.

It also was the day my Grandma Blinn died.

Zipping forward many years and today a friend has surgery and I am still, although better, not the best. I hope to leave Friday afternoon to be a set of eyes and hands.

We have been plodding through school, working adjectives, algebra, and reading.

Olivia read a book about Vincent van Gogh to me. Her reading has popped over to the other side and when we find something which interests her; it is contagious. She has determined that I am a lot alike V. van Gogh. Good or bad. I think a little of both. That is all right.

Winter is getting tired and spring is ready.

March Forth!

Sunday, February 28, 2010 11:55 AM CST

Last day of February.

Olivia and I stayed in this morning. I truly needed a day of rest after such a week. My head cold is full fledged congestion and needed to rest and heal today

I thought I was fine until I laid on the bed at which point Olivia got on my back and began one of her back scratching massages. She has the best hands.

It melted me and at that point I realized how badly I felt.

She must have worked my back for 20 minutes and stopped saying that was only one ticket. She gave me tickets for Christmas.

I am thankful.

We watched Love Comes Softly together all night and now I am really glad I am on the sofa rather than up and having to talk. My voice is so hoarse!

Please pray that I am BETTER early this up coming week. Olivia and I want to head to Cincy to visit with friends.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 7:57 PM CST

The days are big.

Bigger than I can handle alone; that is for sure.
We love deeply.
Thankful for dears. You know who you are.

My faithful ones.

Late night texts, reaching through the miles or morning talks of changing this world, or mid day chats of finding answers. . .loss, gains, children, pain, learning, baking, gardening, love, fears, victories, prayers, art, music, geography and math.

God bless you.

Cello is Olivia's instrument now. She enjoys it and loves the deep sounds and makes it talk, maybe not sing, yet, but talk for sure.

Today we read about India. Drew pictures of the Taj Mahal.

We will never be the same.
Things are changing.

Monday, February 22, 2010 9:17 PM CST

Happy Birthday BENJAMIN! Good friend to us all. We love you!

Today was one ACTION packed day. Phone calls, doctor appointments, even got Charlie on the docket to get his fur cut!

Thankfully, I received a phone call from one of the Keepers moms reminding me that I had asked the girls to write a report on a missionary. Olivia dictated to me her thoughts on David Livingstone, because she remembered about him the most since he was the last we read.

Loved hearing her slant on it all.

Some how we got on some thought of time travel. I know I have been thinking about time a lot. Time lost, times I wish I had done things differently.

Olivia talked about when her tube comes out she always pretends she is in a time machine and then in a few minutes her tube is back in her abdomen.

Makes me smile how she does it.

Mondays are always special as it is my alone time with David taking him to his music lessons. Today no piano and off we went straight to violin. He was sick all last week. He really worked hard on his song to have it prepared. A great lesson. You may not pass on the song, but your teacher tells you your sound, intonation was spot on--that is better than passing any song!

He is learning, growing and there are times when this boy has major maturity shining through.

David tells me tonight that he understands how Olivia feels about not wanting to be around people when she is not feeling well since he has not been 100% for a while (he is up and running now). I was about to say something and he said, "Mama, I am going to really remember that."

So thankful for that he is not pushing her to be "all right" when she just does not feel her best.

Thankful for a great time with friends and little girls. . . hummus, cheese dip (okay, Mom I had a few bites) and lemon squares (oh my!).

I'll close with a song Olivia sang at the top of her lungs on our way home tonight. . .

Jesus, Lamb of God

Worthy is Your Name.

If I fall down
You pick me up
If I am dry
You fill my cup.

Top of her lungs. Thank you, Lord.

To You!

Sunday, February 21, 2010 6:26 PM CST

For eternity.

For I will forever be.

It is the eternal perspective which holds me in a safe pressing on pattern.

So many of the people I love are so hurting, in pain, watching and wondering about their own children; I have to stop today and thank God for the honor to know such people.

Olivia and I were reading about Abram last night; how he went further down into Egypt and all that took place there that should not have. And how God forgave him, loved him and continued to bless him.

That is my prayer this week. That I would let go of those who have hurt me or my family and truly get back to loving.

Saturday, February 20, 2010 5:25 PM CST

One of the many nuggets I gathered into my heart during my stay with my precious friends for one of the most unforgettable weeks of my life was life is so precious and taking the time to stop and reflect, photograph and write about day to day is important.

Today was David's last PINEWOOD Derby car race as a cub scout. He may have opportunity to help, but it was his last turn. What a great day. The boy had a fast car! He was sure to shake the hands of all his opponents. He is growing.

Bittersweet. Dave had to work. We are very thankful for his work, job. It is hard however that he is working every other weekend. But we are thankful. It is a season. I am so thankful for a man who is faithful.

Olivia continues to be in a flare. She vomited when she bit into eggs today. The smell of the snacks at the PWD made her sick. She's a venting girl, low energy, pale but Olivia! She will not show it in public as always, but as soon as we get into the car--she wilts.

As always when we got home she was spent, but we had stopped at the mailbox and in it was a card from Make - A - Wish (You will be interested to hear this, Lois Ann) and once again her house is ready for delivery. . . she perked up a bit. Now, our concern is this house--where it is going to "sit" and on what?

So, once again we await to see when, where, etc.

To Jesus.

Friday, February 19, 2010 8:26 PM CST

Deep hearted discussions. I love my girl. Her heart is so tender yet guarded.

We had an amazing day here. Loved seeing my art students who are so dear to me. Today was a very important day-music ensemble! David was such a great help and a tremendous support. All of the musicians worked so hard and I have never seen such a great first rehearsal.

Olivia is having a "pink pan" and "syringe" night, but that is all right. . .

God is still on the throne.

To Jesus.

Friday, February 19, 2010 1:44 AM CST

Thankful for friends who can take me as I am.

Had a night like that tonight; releasing silly energy combine with deep talks.

I started my night "out" with dinner. It was nice to be with my friends and family. To be accepted into their family just as I am.

It was interesting following the wheelchair and seeing the faces as they looked on-I almost found myself wanting to laugh out loud as to the looks.

I have felt it with Olivia and her wheelchair.

A wheelchair can be so much and so little. For those who can walk, a wheelchair is a barrier, a protective device, for those who are just tired, a bed. . . so thankful for the wheelchair.

But I do love stopping and talking with people out in every day life. It has been one of my passions for years, but now, even more so. Whether it be our waiter, cashier, people looking at the rows of canned goods next to you or the one who is stocking the shelves.

Just to get the human factor back into our world.

There seemed so much more to say, but it is already the start of Friday and I have yet to be asleep.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010 8:32 PM CST

Big days.

Some days are so big and I can feel it all the way to Indiana, but not really; I could never know how big.

We picked up the house a bit in case friends were able to make it. Not people who require it but just wanted to make sure there were paths. . .

It ended up a bit of school work and a winter home day.

Olivia and I took off when Dave got home to drop off DVDs at the library to insure no more late charges. I think they could open an official DeKold wing to the library thanks to our late charges.

But first Olivia and stopped in at our favorite Chinese restaurant. No hot and sour soup was made today! We were distraught but made another choice.

We two girls just sitting there sipping our soup and eating our rice.

The family then brought out their dinner and I told Olivia that every night at this time they probably ate their dinner and always with rice.

It was just a great study; to hear their language. . .

To just be with Olivia, my best girl.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 4:58 PM CST

No day is ever the same. I have to completely and utterly give them into His Hands.

My dear friend said, "She is in His Hands now." When the children were younger I would keep other children's hospital's stays away from their hearts.

They saw Matthew dying in his bed just in his teen years- years ago. I took a step back and hid the death and dying.

There were days in which so many children were so sick, sometimes Olivia in the midst of them, all so overwhelming.

Now, it is a matter of prayer.

We are still very sad for the loss of Colyn. Yes, we know that he is in a "better place" that he is "no longer in pain" and all the phrases which folks throw out to comfort. And I _do_ know that God is doing something very big in the hearts and lives of those who knew Colyn. I was blessed to see that first hand.

What a blessed HOPE we HAVE.

When I received the message from our friend about her daughter. . . we stopped, Dave led us in prayer and Olivia went to the book shelf. I let her. We were in the midst of school, but she for some reason went to the book shelf and started pulling out books. After I heard Lisa's voice and shared with David and Olivia that they were going to the best place to help Laura; Olivia seemed relieved and asked "how is she-what is wrong?". . .

!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!

Today was Olivia's FIRST official GROUP CELLO lesson. She went to one after her FIRST lesson which we do not count. Olivia has been working on her "GAME PLAN" since that first group lesson back in mid December.

She has literally had 5 lessons? Sitting in a group of 6 counting her and with children who are used to talking out and over others. . . IT was so good for me to see--and REALIZE how wonderful my students are in art and music alike.

And how thankful my own daughter did not join into it.

Teacher asked who wanted to go first to play a "solo"-I cringe because you just never know what you will "get" from Olivia musically. She played one of the variations wonderfully before coming, but I heard her singing Twinkle in her room and went right into "May Song" which of course she has not played yet, but knows from David's violin lessons.

God gave me Olivia for many reason. . . one is to keep me humble. She reminded me that the boy who was bragging is going to fall some day because pride comes before a fall. Whew.

Olivia plays. Bumbles a bit, but goes first and keeps the group moving along.

Finally, at the end after everyone has played her teacher says, who knows D major scale. Olivia raises her hand-Loud Boy remarks, "How can SHE know how to play that?" I cringe again because who wants a Loud Boy to point out the fact that Olivia _IS_ a beginner and has not been playing since she was 2 years old and I am thinking the same thing--WHEN did she learn that?

Olivia played each note of the scale twice up and down.

Everyone was. . . amazed?

I was relieved that Olivia had a moment to shine--she has so wanted to shine in such a manner for so long. Her heart is in music, but has never been "good enough" for other's standards.

Her teacher came over afterwards and said, "WOW, you played first, and you knew the scale."

Yes, Olivia is home schooled and can be shy, I call it UNAFFECTED by the world's standards. She is not put in a "class" on a regular basis but she by far knew how to behave. (After all, the ONE class she is IN is her mother's and her Mama do not take chit chat when we are learning. . .)

She was not afraid to ask if she did not understand what to do; Brave.

Olivia said, "Yeah, I wanted to be the first one to play because I saw at the first group lesson how no one wanted to play!" She is shy to explain herself, but determined.

. . .I so wanted to say, but would not in front of Olivia. . . she has seen far scarier, done far more frightening things than playing in front of 5 other children on an instrument she is still being introduced to. . .

Okay, so, it was just a cello lesson. Nah, that is the problem, it is NOT just anything anymore. . . it is a whole lot more.

Monday, February 15, 2010 6:11 PM CST

Snow.

We have more of it and frankly, I love it.

Winter continues which is a very good thing; much needed rest.

Olivia dives into the snow as if it were a pool of water, but only a few inches on a road.

She loves the snow--H2O in a form that does not make stress about line infections and having to do dressing changes.

Was debating whether or not to even let the kids out the door.

I pulled them on the sled--I even ran a bit. Felt good.

It was wonderful.

Sunday, February 14, 2010 10:22 AM CST

So thankful this morning for a warm house, food, love in our home.

So many disappointments can over run the basic blessings which if we did not have would make such disappointments not even possible.

David has had his "flare" of February, usually it is late January, but this year it was mid February. Breathing treatments, fever, coughing, congestion. Rest, fluids, and love for him. He is still sleeping at 11:25 AM.

I am baking bread, turkey in the oven for our own Sunday dinner. Once he awakes we will do our Bible study.

Proverbs! Nothing fancy, just family.

I miss our Sunday fellowship when we are unable to attend. I struggle still with what people may think, because we opt out. But mostly I miss what great nuggets are being shared. Each Sunday is truly so different, but God will provide for us here as He always has during our own family church times.

Then next week IS Korey's 18th birthday. WE SO wanted to be there, but we will shoot for a week from this Tuesday. 18 years PLUS 7 days.

Again, in His timing.

Last week I had a trip to Louisville's art museum planned. Due to our snow and just not having peace about it--I am in the process of rescheduling-and then David turns up sick!

God DOES want to help; and when I listen to Him-He directs me, and thankfully. Dave has been a major support in that, helping me to. . .

break off the bondage of normal/typical into liberty and freedom.

Romans 8: 15

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

Early on Romans 8:1 was one of my knitted to my heart verses and after studying the whole chapter again, well,

Thank you, Lord.

TO Jesus.

Friday, February 12, 2010 4:37 AM CST

There is a certain sound of our night which now lulls me to sleep. In times past, lying next to Olivia, hearing the rhythm of the two different pumps infusing would bother me as I imagined what was exactly happening-taking place.

Olivia's TPN pump is much more busy than her lipids. With more than 2 Liters of TPN needing to be given over night; this pump clicks along every second, whereas, lipids every 8 seconds or so.

Being an educator, artist and overall sensitive person the soft grinding away could be deafening. I had a hard time relaxing and slowing down my heart and mind. Now, it is comforting and calming to know Olivia is getting her nutrition, fluids and vitamins.

I remember once someone who had an asthmatic attack and required frequent breathing treatments say to me, "I do not want to be kept alive by a machine."

In many ways our dear Total Parenteral Nutrition friends and those dependent on O2 are so being kept alive and growing because of these "machines."

I am sure this person did not think before speaking and had no idea that indeed my daughter was in need of little machines, but mostly that the need of a machine to live does not make one-"less than" as I plainly state.

Last week surrounded by fellow pioneers at church, one mom said, "I have been doing different for so long now."

That has me thinking.

I think I have always been able to be different, but the absolute turning point was when I wore my bright yellow rain boots through out UC's campus. I just remember (even the artist types) thinking it was a huge deal.

Being a Believer makes one different, especially when trying to live out the Romans 12:1-2.

I do not grasp the whole different thing as Olivia will one day. Just watching her eat is different. She does not take a typical spoon full, or bite of food. Not eating in general is pretty different. Being able to vent out one's stomach contents is different. And well, the whole body functions on both ends, is, well, different from how a typical person would "void."

Ah, to be different. Many pierce their bodies to be different-Olivia has pretty impressive piercings in her abdomen.

~.~.~.~

This week has been a very cold, snowy, slow, blowy and overall rest week. I am not pounding away at workbook pages, but allowing Olivia to work on her bird watching book. We placed the bird feeder right out our living room window where she can literally be 2 feet away from her winter song birds.

The cats, of course, absolutely love it and in the afternoon Velvet sleeps in the sun next to the window.

Olivia's favorite is the titmouse with its tuft on its crown and subtle colors.

She also has begun drawing in a new way. Her work all tells a story. It is interesting all the details she incorporates and clearly makes more art than I do these days.

But this is not my season.

To Jesus!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010 6:04 PM CST

Snow made this day.

We took our first OFFICIAL snow day in a very long time. How could I not?

Olivia and I took one of our morning walks with Charlie. She was so excited to just take our walk and walk we did!

The road up our hill was closed so we had a good time on this hilly road all alone. Occasionally a bird in the valley between us on the road and the knob where our house is would make itself known and even heard a train's horn and a boat from the river! It was a quiet.

Olivia collected icicles and kept drawing the comparison of the side of the knob to the caves we saw last summer.

As we were walking back up the wind began to stir fairly strongly and when I looked up I thought I saw a human figure coming out of crouching position! I let out a SHE scream and Olivia followed-Charlie looked at us both and laughed.

It was a bush which had been covered in snow and when the wind hit it was being let loose.

As we were finding our way home Dave and David with sled in tow met us and like boys do--immediate snow ball fight.

A snow fight with an engineer is always fun--they have to announce how they decided to throw the snow ball a certain way due to wind and snow make up.

But a good day, snow day, family day. . . I was protecting it for sure.

No daddy last weekend due to working and this coming weekend he is heading to St Louis to visit his parents. So, we relished our time today.

Had to watch our Waltons. (The best show there ever was on TV.)

Tickling sessions and love.

Who says winter has to be cold?

To Jesus!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010 9:13 AM CST

Snow.

Winters promise that things are still living beneath.

Olivia always the first of my two children to awake, sets up her drawing table with bird book, coloring pencils and kitty in lap.

She then starts a fire in the fireplace with Daddy.

We put on the Peterson's Guide to Bird songs and the kitties are happy.

What a wonderful morning.

The snow is a promise of a new day- a cleaning away of the dirt and mud of yesterday.

Monday, February 8, 2010 5:01 PM CST

First of all, so thankful for February 7th. That is the day that Dave and Joined as one.

He worked; David, Olivia and I went to church. It is a special day, but one day we will celebrate it, fully, maybe or maybe not. But we have learned over the years that we can make it special in just a few words or moments. We have never been ones for big broad blasts.

And today, is my brother's birthday. We love you so much, Greg and are proud of who you are in Jesus. You have been and continue to be a blessing to so many. Keep fighting the big fight; it is worth it, isn't it?

Words can be so trite. Our society is slowly giving way to faster paced living like never before. There is a new day upon us; those who are willing to do things unlike the "norm"--I have not felt this way since when I was pregnant with David and realizing that I do NOT have to feed him a bottle and make him a nursery and put him in a crib. God fully equipped me to know how to care and nurture my son long before I ever thought about such things.

So, with breastfeeding and sleeping with my babies a natural progression of life's events-God showed me that I, too, could even teach my children. It was about that time which my relationship with Sarah Krauskopf was in full swing. She helped with the delivery of Olivia.

We spoke about homeschooling. I remember telling folks when I taught at NBCS that teaching my own would be the ultimate experience. It is true, and especially for one who was called to being a "teacher" of children.

Homeschooling is not such a rare idea now a days, but for some it still evokes the "but what about" syndrome.

With Olivia's diagnosis came a flood of confirmation after a time; after Dave and I had caught our breath and were floating on our backs rather than sinking to the bottom of the wild rushing river of life change.

Ah, yes, and even at 2 years old she was still nursing. 3, 4, 5 years she nursed. It comforted her when she hurt.

I was not about to follow the cookie cutter with my children; I had no one telling me how to do it-no scope and sequence to follow, no Principal observations, only GOD Himself and HE LOVES THEM MORE THAN I ever could-so I knew HE was not going to steer me wrong.

But then we get caught. Caught in places, faces which distract and harm, or is it charm us into thinking we are doing all right, when in fact we are back in the rushing river, sinking to the bottom, grasping for the Light.

Which brings me to present day-reclaiming family, being together, not split and separated and divided into sections but together.

Thankful for all the TRUE Pioneer WOMEN in my life.

Hebrews 12:2,3

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Fixing my Eyes on Jesus!

TO Jesus.

Saturday, February 6, 2010 0:01 AM CST

Just one minute into Saturday.

Had such a restful bath tonight that now I am wide awake. Been working on sleeping and eating as my Mama always told me. Getting back to what Dave calls my "Earth Mama" ways. Eating healthfully but yet within our budget. I am excited and am enjoying this new/old phase.

Have to.

It is about living.

We had a good week. We did not get to our geography studies as I had hoped, but we had other great things. We pushed forward in reading, writing and all sorts of math related subjects. Olivia had a great cello lesson; I am so thankful she is able to function at 6 PM.

Olivia is still very much in a full blown obstructive flare. It is pretty impressive. 2 Liters of "fluids" out of her G-tube, or what it J? Anyway, she sitting on my big bed, with the urinal between her legs, syringing out her tube(s) states, "I always pretend that I am in a contest to see who has the most bile."

Pure Olivia.

Tonight she and I with our glasses off (my favorite thing to do with Olivia) nose to nose--looking deeply into her big beautiful brown eyes. . . we measure noses, she says, "I hope I do not have Daddy's Roman nose; it will roam all over my face!"

So, she is not eating one bit. Asked for peaches. Wondering if she is over with the cheeseburgers. She makes a pretty good one, not that I am eating them!

Simply playing outside for an hour and her gut shuts down.

I am still profoundly deeply considering all that has taken place over the last month.

Last week I was preparing a lesson for a Boys Book Club. We have read through C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia which took-a good deal of time.

I wanted to switch gears and do some poetry studying, so I began searching different poets.

I settled on Longfellow and when I read this poem; I was searching for the address of a verse in James. And came across the following:

Is found in the book of Ecclesiastes. It says,

It is better to spend more time at funerals than at festivals. For you are going to die and you should think about it while there is still time (Ecclesiastes 7:2).

You must be thinking as I did, Goodness gracious, what a depressing statement! A real bubble buster! Actually, for me it was quite the contrary. That rather gloomy statement would cause me to continually reprioritize my life.

The Holy Spirit made sure that particular Scripture was stored in a �refer to often� file within my mind. He was faithful to lead me to that mental index whenever I developed the self-centered notion that somehow my life was my own and I could live it anyway I pleased.

As James often reminds us,

For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and then vanishes away (James 4:14).

This verse is certainly not one of those �claim it� verses we so readily display on our fridges with a cute little magnet. But then again, why don�t we? Are we so in love with our lives or so deeply immersed in our pleasures that we cannot bare to be reminded that one day it will all disappear like a passing mist?

On the front of my computer at work, I keep a small, neon colored �post it� with the following words displayed directly at eye level: �Soon this life as we know it shall pass � only what�s done for Jesus will last.�

So what is our duty? The wisest king that ever lived summed it up in one sentence.

Fear God and keep His commandments (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

So, in closing, I leave you with a K.I.S.S. � �Keep It Simple Saints.� And always remember, �It�s only a minute, but eternity�s in it.� Make your vapor count!

Missey Butler

. . . . .

It is amazing how God can be right where you need. Just what you need, just when you need HIm.

The whole concept of living closer to each moment was sewn deeply in my heart during my week stay. Pouring over the photographs, soaking up each smile, twinkle of eye, every

The Psalm Of Life
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

What the heart of the young man said to the psalmist
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!--
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,--act in the living present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

What the heart of the young man said to the psalmist
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!--
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,--act in the living present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sleep dear friend.
To Jesus.

Thursday, February 4, 2010 7:49 PM CST

Red fingernails; and toes too.

Olivia over did herself yesterday running outside with friends. She told me she kept stumbling and tripping over her feet and when she would fall it would jar her stomach.

Any over stressor--physical fun--and her gut shuts down.

That is all right; as long as we manage the days after wisely.

Tonight, Olivia had yet another cello lesson. I do believe her teacher is just who Olivia needs right now. She did so well!

Praying for a peaceful and restful night tonight.

To Jesus.

Thursday, February 4, 2010 0:41 AM CST

Grief is the cost of loving someone.

Cholesterol number back. 242.

So, I need to get straight on it. Lentils sound good to me.

Rearrange my tastes for sure.

Walking will be good too.

Keep praying for our friends. We love them so.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010 4:43 PM CST

February is here.

January was hard.

I am finding the older I get the less tolerant I am; the less likely to bounce back and have to lean harder than ever on Him.

Grandma is in California-safely back with Grandpa Jerry-Jack and Jill!

It is hard for me to journal these days; there are so many places I want to write about, but I just cannot at this time write.

Olivia is doing well. She seems to really have a great season going. Dave brought the children to our favorite breakfast place this morning. I met them after my doctor's appointment. She ate 1 piece of toast and 3/4 of an egg, cheese and ham omelette. That is a LOT for her. Breakfast has always been her best meal--eggs have been a very long food for her.

The kids and I then ran over to the library to get books and do some studying.

A walk with neighbors and I am ready for bed!

Good Tuesday. Nothing big, nothing small. . .

To Jesus all.

Saturday, January 30, 2010 10:49 PM CST

We are enjoying the last few days of Grandma's time with us. She came to us mid December; we had a short week in Cincinnati, Christmas, New Years, January, a quick visit from Aunt Midge and Cousin Nancy and her boys and a week apart--she to Connie and Jack and I to California.

It was strange to be in California knowing she was back in Indiana.

This past week was a struggle to get back into our routine. With Mom's help we finished our 4th missionary biography this year. David Livingstone. David and Olivia worked on their African mural as she read and I was able to cook and putter in the kitchen listening along with them.

When I think back to the beginning of her visit to where we are now-seems just so surreal.

It has been a remarkable and terrible season. I am so thankful to have reconnected with Hope. So thankful that I was able to be away.

Praying.

To Jesus.

Monday, January 25, 2010 2:40 AM CST

Olivia insists on red polish; David hugs me. He has shown more emotion over the last few days with me privately than I have seen in a long time. He sees I am tired; not my take charge kind of way. Tired and sad.

Olivia mentioned that my time away was the longest ever between us.

I found a little scroll she had made while I was gone. It mentioned Mrs. Jan, it talked of Colyn being in Heaven with her; God having Colyn and my being not here. "We will have to just hang tight without Sheila DeKold." I was referred to as Sheila DeKold, not Mama. Interesting.

She wrote something similar when Papa had his major surgery of his colon.

That girl is so. . .

We were able to catch up with Aunt Becca and give her the popcorn; and see Robin. Her leg with stitches.

My head is spinning; took a nap and now cannot sleep.

I can only imagine what my friend is feeling; it breaks me. It is too much.

Really, the flesh in me wants to run to the moon and look down on the earth; see it as it is. Wasted, tired, hurting. . .

But I know my Redeemer lives. It is only in Him that makes me stay put, ready to find what I am to do next.

It is Monday today; so I will try for just getting David to piano and violin, on time.

Saturday, January 23, 2010 3:50 PM CST

I have not written mainly because the words have all be stuck inside my heart and the inability to speak and put words to such times is near impossible.

Still not very articulate. How does one put words to a life? Words which try to define how you feel, how you love, how you know?

2003 we drove to Florida for an Oley Foundation conference. There were many people there, children all sizes and shapes, but one stole our heart.

Colyn.

Olivia gave him the name of Colyn-in-California. His demeanor was of gentleness, kindness and acceptance. For Olivia, she was only 4 years old, still not feeling great day to day. Colyn was so quick to show and tell with Olivia which made her day a lot brighter. Comfortable-loved.

Over the years we would see our friends at other conferences, too little of them. Olivia would be the first to say, Colyn was always so nice to me, and with a bit of regret she then says, but I was always so shy.

We had times on the East Coast, we had time in San Diego - time too short.

The loss of Colyn on this earth seems so wrong. It is so hard to submit to God's taking of him. . . home to Heaven. He was such a minister of joy, peace, love, kindness and gentleness. He was so strong and courageous; he was a 15 year old boy who lived life so BIG despite having mitochondrial disorder. Mitochondrial disorder is one which affects the mitochondria of the cells in your body. It is very important to know that "Mito" is an energy issue; but Colyn was an amazing example of taking those moments when he could to run. . . in his own way. Mito did not give direction for his life, yes, it was hard and at times, very very hard. But he would begin climbing the mountain over and over as he reached his new baseline.

He wore his TPN backpack and lived with incredible pain, every day.

His parents and family there, in support, in fighting for his dreams to come true, to live a boy's life.

What is Mitochondrial Disease
Mitochondrial diseases result from failures of the mitochondria, specialized compartments present in every cell of the body except red blood cells. Mitochondria are responsible for creating more than 90% of the energy needed by the body to sustain life and support growth. When they fail, less and less energy is generated within the cell. Cell injury and even cell death follow. If this process is repeated throughout the body, whole systems begin to fail, and the life of the person in whom this is happening is severely compromised. The disease primarily affects children, but adult onset is becoming more and more common.

You may still view this remarkable celebration of the life of Colyn. Watch the video his brother so lovingly made over the last week. Hear the testimonies of this boy's life given by those who were so blessed to see him on a daily basis. I have to admit; I am jealous.

But, watch it, turn off your TV and watch some real life, real life changing words.

Do not be troubled; have peace.

Pointing to Jesus.

Waiting for Him.

http://firefamilyfoundation.org/tributes/colyn-woods.php

Monday, January 11, 2010 7:14 PM CST

Our 2nd week in this new year.

We began looking at Africa as we continue our study of geography and cultures of this world.

It was a fairly typical Monday. Dave working on something worthy and exciting to "do" at scouts, David, Olivia and I pushing through Monday's list of learning to "dos" with Grandma puttering behind the scenes.

David had his piano lesson then to violin. Grandma got to sit in the violin lesson, which is part, history, science and other subjects depending on the day.

Switch children and we had a nice soup and sandwich out before heading for the winter grocery run.

Home, now.

Boys home soon.

Just thankful and well, thankful.

Friday, January 8, 2010 8:41 AM CST

What a night it was last night.

David and Olivia played in the snow with their neighbor friends. Cheryl is a good mama and brought them in to warm up and eat. Meanwhile Grandma Lodgie and I were having home baked banana bread. . . which I believe had some sort of poison in it!

My mid section blew up!

I vomited, mom did not feel well through the night, so.

But to think of it all, I think back to when Olivia would get so distended like that--on a regular day to day basis and when she was YOUNG. 2-5 year old range, maybe older, I cannot remember now.

But she would still keep up with whatever kids we were playing with at the time, and folks would think nothing was wrong and I was over protective, but they never saw the aftermath.

In the depths of pain last night I wondered--is this pseudo obstruction? Is this what it feels like?

My situation only lasted for a few hours of high intensity, but these children and adults who live with this day by day?

Today will be as normal as we can keep it. Olivia has already had her touch typing lesson with Grandma, David taking his shower and getting ready for school.

They both want another try at the snow later. . . thankful for a friend who will take good care of them and not think Olivia is a typical normal and keeps an eye out and precaution is one of her best attributes.

Thankful for my MAMA being here who takes the ultimate care of me.

Blessed.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010 2:07 PM CST

My heart is overflowing.

Papa is home, safe and Olivia and I had an outing together which did not have anything to do with a emergency room or nights over in a hospital. When we two girls usually head out together on the spur of a moment it is not by our choice, so, it was strangely wonderful.

After 4.5 hours of sleep Olivia demanded her glasses, paper and oil pastels. She had to make the welcome home Papa card she meant for last night but forgot because she was too busy scrubbing and vacuuming.

Unhooking herself, she dressed and we two girls ran back to the pond with our beloved Charlie dog.

The flurring snow made it seem almost foggy; the sky was white gray and Charlie's black sections of fur made the picture a beautiful monochromatic scheme. The wide open field which connects the house and barn space with woods and pond space requires endurance; it is here where the anticipation for child and dog is greatest.

Olivia found every small ice puddle and like a very young child had to slide on it until there was no snow covering.

The pond solid with tracks showing who has visited. The trees of the woods cold and crisp but yet holding snow to their branches. Olivia was determined to tour all the major monuments of Papa's woods. The beaver swamp, the huge log, cross over of creek.

On our return to the house we chose the wind breaking tree lined lane, or should I say cardinal lane. Olivia discovered the beauty green grass and white snow when she picked up branches.

God is honing her artistic eye to see the wonders of details.

Help us, Lord, to see the Smallest so we can do Great things for You!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010 7:55 AM CST

While driving up to Papa's, he called to let us know he indeed would be arriving into Indy's bus station around midnight. Olivia was disappointed ONLY in she had high hopes of it being just we two for the night, but what she got instead were some fantastic images and memories of human life on this earth.

My parents have never been afraid to travel and explore although we did not have a lot of money growing up, we were rich in the important ways, my parents introduced us to the great state of Montana. We did not just visit but moved there. And while there took the train back east and even a bus.

So Olivia and my experience last night at Indy's bus station brought back a lot wild memories.

Dave hooked Olivia up around 4 PM to TPN. This means she was now wearing 2200 ml (over 2 L) plus a pump on her back. We rarely ever do this as she infuses at night. This weight on her did NOT slow her down whatsoever. Her zeal through out the adventure mounted and not until 3 AM when we settled into my grandparents' bed did she crash; we all did, even Charlie who made the trip with us.

Olivia is a doer. We had wanted to freshen up Papa's place and I did not have to once give a suggestion; she ran with the idea!

At one point the plan was to run out to Papa's pond which at 9:00 PM in COLD weather we both opted out of that.

Once we found the station we went inside to check things out--people, so many different people and different people than what you see in an airport. A good camera and freedom to shoot photos would have been on order.

We saw Papa's bus and knew it was his immediately as his white hair then his red cap gave it away.

Once in bed, overnight cath in--TPN rate adjusted--Olivia snuggled and said, "This is the best part." And I agree and not until 3 hours later did I awake to an arm which was stone cold asleep.

Alas, it snows outside and possible we should make our way back to our house on the hill.

TO Jesus.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010 2:33 PM CST

Papa is on the train back home. It has had a few glitches therefore he may not be coming in tonight into Cincinnati as planned.

This affords a spontaneous moment with Olivia. As the day unfolds and changes take place it seems now that Olivia and I will drive up to Papa's tonight and spruce up the house and stock his fridge and snuggle into the 60 something year old squeaky bed of his. Grandma can have David for his morning learning.

It is hard for me to keep quiet, but I think a nice breakfast in Madison before heading back would be in order. I will surprise her.

I am just so THANKFUL that my daughter desires to be alone with me, loves me, and well, all of the above again and again.

To say Olivia is excited is an understatement.

I can hear in her voice in her ways how she desires to have the same opportunities as her brother, to go to Papa's and spend the night-although, Papa will not be there, Charlie will!

School is on--we are digging into geography and with it the amazing people groups of this world. It has fit in nicely in with what is going on within our fellowship! God is so good at planning lessons.

It is cold.

Praying for those who are cold and hungry today all over the world. May someone tell them about the true warmth and filling which they can have through Jesus.

Friday, January 1, 2010 11:34 PM CST

I missed the proper time to recap, rethink and relocate the past year. And with the "new" year here; it is all about resolutions, goals and priorities.

Years are chopped and diced especially if one has to stop and start again from the chronic illness jig. Hospital zigs here and there are the big jolts, but it is the home times which can be trying and thankfully she truly is in a good season and experiencing minor pains in the evening, and low energy after big days. So we have been talking about her working on hooking up TPN, and placing the over night cath. She can do all the unhooking in the morning, but not the evening routine. We will start with replacement fluids because they are a lot cheaper and she needs them more in the winter and does not like to be hooked up-it will be "fun" for her to be allowed to hook up-thus- FLUIDS!

May she grow comfortable with it and not burdened.

As home learners or whatever one wants to call children who stay at home to be educated we have the typical breaks in a year which call out for fresh starts as well.

I almost have to break the year into sections or I feel overwhelmed. I keep piling hopes and expectations onto our January starting date because I was determined to take time off for real this December.

So the Scarlet O'Hara syndrome is a bit rampant here. "When we start on Monday. . ."

And tonight, rest.

Saturday, December 26, 2009 0:03 AM CST

The last Christmas of this DECADE has passed!

Home we were.

Dave's scheduled landed on Christmas Eve and Christmas again this year, but it worked out well. There are worse scenes we have lived through, right?

Christmas is symbolic-it does not (for me) end it all, here. It is a beginning another fresh start.

Bless you.

To Jesus.

Thursday, December 24, 2009 0:53 AM CST

Merry Christmas seems so over done and incomplete.

The other day as I was gearing up for entering Walmart on my own, I sat in my car and watched people walking with their heads down to the ground as they pushed through the cold into the building. It seemed all too painful for me and I took my time.

All month long we have been talking about what are we going to do with Christmas.

More than anything I wanted to make it about what God did over 2000 years ago and me. Just us.

For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I am preparing my heart for what this Christmas Day is symbolic of--I say symbolic because we do not know the exact date as to when God's Son was born to live and die among us.

It has been exciting to see the month unfold, but more than anything I can see where and how God is moving. Being spontaneous is NOT one of my greatest strengths; it used to be, but not now. Flexible, oh yes, but spontaneous not so much. But as this special day draws closer, there is a time frame in which certain "things" must be accomplished.

Today was another day closer. Here, I have to stop and tell more details for I do not want to forget them, nor do I want my children to forget.

Olivia opted to stick with mom and me as we did some last minute shopping, nothing major, but enough to warrant a trip to the pet store with the two doggies and that Walmart place again.

All day long my heart has been so full in thinking of people who are of the forgotten variety. What to do? When? How?

We picked David up from a friend's house and headed home to implement the plan. We gathered the goods and drove to Rod and Bamster's. Should we call or just surprise; David said surprise and I agreed. With a light tap at their door as even the door bell can be a disruption to our friend, we began.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Joy to the World, Silent Night (German version, too!) and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

I had to look at the dead plant on the front porch that Bamster never took inside before the frost. Because if I looked at her. . .

Jesus,

Let me see with Your eyes.

Let me work with Your hands.

Let me hear with Your ears.

Make me stop saying it, but doing it.

. . . . .

Help me to love like You.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 6:01 AM CST

God rest ye merry, gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember, Christ, our Saviour
Was born on Christmas day
To save us all from Satan's power
When we were gone astray
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

Thankful.

The report from last week is finally sinking in; Olivia is officially in a good season. That means, she is growing, her labs are as they should be, she has nothing pending at the moment and although she has a sore ear (possibly from swimming last week!) she is well, healthy if you will (because I will!) and I am striving with God's help to stay in the moment and not look too far in the future and NOT at the past.

Saturday and Sunday we stayed in; hard to do, needed and thankful we can.

Yesterday Grandma, Olivia and I met our Keepers friends at The Bennett House. This was the third time I had been there in less than 2 weeks and it is GOOD to be back with my friends there. It had been too long. The girls/moms did a sing along and we ended it with 12 Days of Christmas. SO FUN. We even sang it again at the party later.

I reminded Olivia once to find a Resident and she chose Pat. So Olivia and Pat shared a caroling book and were the Partridge in the Pear Tree. Olivia is growing with her singing and loves it. Her confidence is growing and The Bennett House is THE PERFECT place for her to allow God's work in her.

We all look forward to the next time we go. I am so thankful that we ALL love going there. God's tender love.

Afterwards we ran over to a friend's house for treats and crafts. All good.

As some of you know I have begun to "cook and bake" again and with that my dear husband and mother have showered me with "tools" to make it easier. My brother sent me a wonderful cookbook and I tried one of the recipes. I think I am more of a Christmas "cake" baker than cookies.

Olivia and I began a NEW tradition last night one I know I will never forget and know she will not either. After getting home, tired, but wired with having been around wonderful folks, I remembered the cake I had baked for our neighbor. I meant for the boys to have taken it over earlier in the day, but forgot.

So, Olivia and I sang our whole way over, cutting across by the lake, singing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Joy to the World, Silent Night (in German, OF COURSE!), O Come All Ye Faithful. At some point we heard a voice yell out and with it came "GOD BLESS YOU, MERRY CHRISTMAS!" It was if we were in The Christmas Carol and with that came the warmth of love.

We sang for our dear neighbor friend and with it the cake passed hands and a new tradition.

Praying that something new will begin in your heart this Christmas, something which will draw you closer to Him.

As we are home, many of our friends are not, we are praying that Miss Maya will be home to be with Pookie her kitty and her dear mama, Holly. Sweet children of God.

God Bless you.

TO Jesus.

Friday, December 18, 2009 10:44 PM CST

Happy Birthday, Grandma BERT!

We pray you have a restful peaceful birthday. What an amazing woman you are! We continue to pray for you and Papa Pete, every day.

~~~~~~

We are back from our pre-Christmas (clinic laden) jaunt to Cincinnati. It would seem to most a bit anti climatic, or maybe a bit dramatic prior to the appointments, but I firmly believe in covering each visit with prayer.

Ortho was sure her "curve" was no worse and the back pain could be from her TPN backpack.

Or from chores. ;)

We had a great meal with wonderful friends, then swimming. We called it our own "midnight swim" as it was late.

Wednesday was Dr. Jackson who is one of those one of kind KIND of people. She smiles, leans over to look at Olivia in the eyes, and asks all her bladder related questions which to us in our humor mode giggle inside. We kept thinking of Bamster and how she would not last through the appointment without cracking at least 5 jokes.

We met David and Grandma Lodgie at the noisy cafeteria for a quick lunch before the two GI appointments. Grandma had gotten a call from HER doctor which had us a bit concerned, but all is resolved for now.

TPN clinic was happy with Olivia's growth. She is 40% with BMI. She is slight, but looks good to them. Everyone else's child whether they are on TPN or not, look thicker to me, but. . .

75% of her calories come from TPN. It is such a life saver; a blessing, no longer any part of it a curse in our minds.

Dr. Kaul who diagnosed Olivia almost 8 - EIGHT years ago met with me as well. Dr. K, Dr. Kaul and I talked freely as Nurse G. took Olivia out for a walk. It had been a long time since having this sort of depth.

I told Dr. Kaul about everything we have been doing and NOT doing and he (as Dr. K.) was so pleased with Olivia's physical and emotional (we add in spiritual, here).

As another friend stated, it is like going home--I know I have said it before. Even in the halls, seeing all the different children. To have those moments to recount where we have been, what we have gone through, where we are now and that we are all still together. That is a major feat.

We spoke about transplant, diagnosis, J tubes, motility doctors in the adult world, puberty, baselines, depression, little girls who draw on their pouches.

BTW-Olivia drew a "Rudolf" on her pouch for Bamster; she forgot DOCTORS would see it--and once I reminded her--she was laughing. We had a good time with it.

It was interesting (and many may be offended here and it is just an observation) that he said how the chronic illness, living with it, mommy sleeping with the sick child, life's alterations, family dynamics, people telling you they have the cure, or that because you are not cured there is something "wrong" or, etc. can be more "difficult" for lack of better word than cancer. Cancer has two options. Cure or death.

A dear friend who kept a journal during her battle with colon cancer stated the very same thing. Just interesting, made me stop, think, and gather speed.

But it is not in what we have done, but what God has done in us. Through us. . . giving us a place to shine His Light.

I have blown up friendships,

but thankfully not my marriage.

Dr. Kaul mentioned how many folks end it in divorce; Daddy cannot take it.

It made me really appreciate Dave and it was good to see Dave through someone else's ENCOURAGING eyes. Being critical is a disease, I do believe.

So back to the hotel for a swim. We all four swam. To see Olivia's PURE DELIGHT in her face over learning a bit more about swimming made it all worth it. David is a GREAT teacher; it was relaxing to let them be.

It was wonderful to see Steph and Boys Thursday and FORMER STUDENTS!

Today we got lost in Norwood, visited two of my top 10 favorite places; Krohn Conservatory and Cincy's Art Museum.

Home again, home again, Jiggity JIG!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 7:33 AM CST

How many years have we wasted seeking others' approval?

I really am in awe how a children's Advent book can mirror what is going on in our lives.

There is something to be said about history, people who have known you all your life and if you are in a room with such it seems as if love is pouring all over the place.

Safe.

Thank you, Dear Loveland Teachers.

Olivia's ortho appointment was pretty uneventful which is always a great thing.

Called back to X ray she took care of unpinning and working with the technician; she did such a great work.

All day we spoke to Matthew 5 and what it can do if we not only commit it to memory but live it, in the REAL, not the fake way which can be seen immediately.

Once in the "room" and up on the table she was wearing the paper gown.

The "fellow" arrived in a WHOOSH asked questions, examined and both Olivia and I were somewhat relieved by what he had to say, but as Olivia put it, "We still have not see the heavy doctor, you know, the one with all the experience, and education." I have to say Dr. Crawford has to be one of the most outstanding doctors at that hospital. His bedside manner met Olivia right where she is, a little girls, in a paper gown, nervous. . .

Knitting. She told about her knitting and desire to play the cello. It hurts her back sometimes.

So, today is Urology, and two GI appointments.

To Jesus.

Monday, December 14, 2009 10:53 AM CST

We have just survived a very exciting and busy time in our family!

Grandma Lodgie is here, Papa is is on his way to California and thanks to Darla (Carla as Dad kept calling her?) for riding with me to take Papa to Cincinnati Union Terminal. Train travel is different which requires some night life!

Violin recital, festive times with friends, and two visits to the Bennett House.

I love the Bennett House. I can see myself in 40 years; I can see even my grandparents, great aunts and uncles there. It is truly one of my favorite places to visit.

The highlight of the weekend was witnessing a wedding. It was the first wedding in a long time and a very special couple. An art student from this area was married. She is now an art major and is officially my favorite artist! Her husband is one amazing guy. The light of God is stronger because of this union. I am so blessed to have been in their lives and look forward to seeing them grow.

A funny story:

At our first trip to The Bennett House my flute students and I played Christmas songs. I had David play a few pieces as well. Before it was his turn he asked me to hum the song he was to play. Well, I hummed the song before it! I wondered why he struggled a bit, then it dawned on us both it was not the correct song!

He played so well on his other pieces I did not want him to "end" on that note--so I explained to the folks and had him play the correct song.

All went well. David was horrified that I disclosed that information.

So last night we are driving to his recital. I knew where it was as we have been there before, but his teacher gave me the wrong number. Our faithful neighbor and her son was following us--as I twisted around the blocks, trying to get down far enough to find the church--and with all the one way streets it was a bit stressful. It felt like San Francisco!

David gets crazy nervous before "recitals" NOT before playing for "people" but recitals really take a hold of him. When he walks up to play he played the first 3 notes and WHOA! His instrument was out of tune! Of course his teacher stopped him, "The fun of playing a wooden instrument and something about what happened on the way to the recital." And would you not know it, but my boy without missing a beat. . . "My mom got LOST."

Too funny. David's sense of humor is pretty good. He has good one liners which he exhibited over the last week.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

From a musical note to a medical note:

Grandma, David, Olivia and I will be traveling to Cincinnati for 4 clinics, and visiting with friends! It is bittersweet, but thankful that the hospital we need is in my home town of Cincinnati. I love that my children can KNOW Cincinnati in a way they would have not been able to if we were not regulars there.

And with Facebook I have been able to RECONNECT with my former students at NBCS and high school, etc. Facebook is a whole other journal. It has turned out to be a huge blessing.

Bottom line is we could use prayer in discernment on the level of care for Olivia. Urology will want to introduce something new, who knows what Ortho is going to say but GI should be pretty standard for the most part.

Thankful for our faithful and dear family and friends.

To Jesus!

Sunday, December 13, 2009 10:33 AM CST

Happy Birthday, Grandpa JERRY!

Jerry is one of my biggest cheerleaders. I am very thankful that he is all right with mom coming here for such extended stays. We are very blessed to have Grandpa Jerry. I pray he has a good restful day.

We love you!

We miss you!

To Jesus.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009 9:06 PM CST

That picture was taken at the Fishing Derby. Fun times; Steph sent it to me a while back. I love Olivia's wonderment.

The wind here has been and is still pretty impressive. We had to make our way out for groceries and other errands.

We are gearing up for festivities, Grandma and Cincinnati!

Olivia has 4 clinics next week.

She is due to see ortho as her back has been bothering her for some time. The curve in her back is as impressive as the wind was today.

The next day we'll see 3 doctors. Urology, GI/nutrition and basic GI.

Time to get thoughts on paper.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009 0:13 AM CST

During this time of Advent I find myself wanting to spring clean.

Not the type of purging one does in the midst of warm winds blowing through a stale house which has been sealed tightly all winter, but wiping away and scrubbing old ways of thinking or doing things.

I want to take a hammer and shatter thoughts and patterns into thousands of never again recognizable pieces and sweep them into the dust pan and into the garbage.

It is not too late.

Come and see Christ in Christmas.

December has never been so beautiful.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

O Come, O Come Emmanuel.

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,
In ancient times did'st give the Law,
In cloud, and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009 0:13 AM CST

Sunday, December 6, 2009 1:22 AM CST

Only You know the Real Me.

Only Your eyes can see.

What Hides behind the Veil

of my eyes.

Father Open up My Eyes.

Bring the Real Thing.

Open up our Families and bring the real thing.

Open up the Church and bring the real thing.

Open up this culture and bring the real thing.

Come heal us Father like only You can do.

Listen to the Prayers of the Dying World.

Jason Upton

Full richly blessed days.

David called me outside to him Thursday while I was frantically vacuuming in the house. The cleaning machine's roar blocks out all other sounds and when he came in yelling to get my attention it startled me, frustrated me to be distracted from completing this job. I just wanted to quickly accomplish the task.

Out in the crisp day, he stood in the yard, looking up above the house. There he positioned his face to the sky in wonder of a real happening. The geese migrating, over our house. They seemed to be a swirl as they were organizing themselves, riding the air.

Their song was of the same staccato pitch, singing as they worked to formulate their composition of flying.

I later wondered if David viewed the geese's production as an artist, whether a poet, or even a musician. And as I pondered this, I pray he viewed it as a Child of God.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009 5:01 PM CST

December 2.

In the quiet closing of the day and the entering in of night it is time to stop and remember.

A full morning of warm made breakfast; I am thankful both children can make a warm breakfast and when I do for them they say thank you. But even more than that. That today Olivia was ABLE to eat and enjoyed it. To have the ability to make it, yes, clean up, oh yes, but to be able to eat it? Beyond gratefulness.

After David's piano lesson I decided to take them out for an authentic Mexican lunch since we have not done that at all with our study. We have tried to make a few dishes which are from the countries, but not out to eat.

It was such an answered unspoken prayer! The gentleman who served our meal was from Mexico and so wanted to talk about it! He has a daughter in Mexico City who cannot be with him for whatever reason. As we left the children both feel led to minister to him again. We are praying about what to do for him, besides sitting at his table again. I personally do not need to eat a lot of beans ladened with lard! :)

Then off to David's group lesson for violin. He was the music boy today. Actually, every day!

Each group lesson is so different; when first starting out he had a B A D experience with one which has kept him on pins and needles regarding them. The last few that we have attended have been superb. Today's was excellent as the teacher is a teacher. She even played piano with each! It was David's first time ever playing with someone (good, not my pecking playing) who is an actual pianist.

I could see as she explained how the lesson would go David was growing more intense. Olivia and I looked at each other; so we prayed. I know Grandma was praying too and boy did we see an answered prayer. Not just that he did so well, but he enjoyed it, was focused, and not distracted by other kids in Book 47 (that is a joke) but was content with a good job right where he is. Thank you, Lord. I was impressed with his confidence to give good insight on others' playing as well.

So a great day for David who is in the midst of making a costume for the Chronicles of Narnia Boys Book Club end of series party we are having Friday. I am going as Aunt Polly, AKA Queen Polly in the Last Battle!

We are tired and ready for an early bed time. Olivia seems to feel much better with two eggs and bites of rice earlier. Gave her a Liter of extra fluids over the night and into this day.

But now it is dark out. Cold and dank and really dark. Seems the dark in the winter is so much darker. Dark, dark, dark,

but

Matthew 4:14-16

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

TO Jesus.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009 7:19 AM CST

Early Tuesday morning after journaling I crawled back into bed with Olivia. She had stirred and had been awake.

We tangled our bodies as we do when she is hurting.

I began, "Seeing the multitudes He went up onto the mountain and when He was set His disciples came to Him and He opened His mouth and began teaching them. . . "

Pause.

Olivia's voice, "Blessed are the poor 'at' spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth."

Pause.

Then I take over, "Blessed are they which do thirst," "Hunger." Olivia interrupts.

Yes, hungers.

That Monday night was day two of the Advent reading. We are reading a story named Jotham's Journey. At the end of the story scriptures are given.

Psalm 61:1-4

Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Selah

Isaiah 41:10, 13

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

It was very interesting in that same evening hours later, Olivia and I were crying out for Jehovah. And He came. Peace overflowed, fear dissipated.

There is a common thread in all this, fear. Yes, I know that God has not given us a spirit of fear. That does not come from Him, but in my human body, in the dark of night, in the loneliest hours fear can hold a grip.

It is not always a life and death fear grip; it can be over mundane or even relational situations or I am clearly not who I should be or could be or whether or not I can complete a commitment-all of it. Just like any other mother, but then there is the reminder with the wrangle of the little body next to me; God's gift in sickness and in health.

Over the years our hearts have been hurt and we am not as soft as when we first begun.

Decay.

May God's Word wash over us all.

I John 4:18

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009 2:47 AM CST

Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus)
Chris Rice

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

This song was introduced to the kids and me last Sunday. Thanks to Miss A for sending the link so I could hear it. We have been learning new songs which are really "old" songs.

Olivia has been singing this and Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus.

She was stirring David's mac and cheese yesterday and I asked her what she was thinking about to which she replied, "she did not want to have an even number of grandparents." I did not understand at first but then did. Later tonight she said, "I like having three grandpas and two grandmas. It is different from other people, just like having what I do under my shirt, it makes me different."

I was just so thankful to hear her speak to it because she can be one who locks away her raw-est emotions. It just comes out in a different kind of analogy. Where as David has a prescribed certain way one should act and feel during times of sorrow.

Grandpa Pete had a good morning, but a hard evening. Dave is receiving such blessings being there with his Dad and Mom. He has night duty again tonight and will end up lying next to his dad in the bed. What a blessing it is to take care of the ones you love.

It is 10 days until Grandma Lodgie is here. I am utterly thankful to have my mom here soon. Last year at this time we were preparing our hearts for her heart surgery.

I am awake at this odd, lonely hour because Olivia was hurting.

Falling on Jesus.

Sunday, November 29, 2009 2:06 PM CST

My husband is in St Louis staying with his parents. Grandpa Pete has not been doing very well since his bout with double pneumonia. His health has declined and we are all very sad. I pray that my son would do for me as Bert's son is doing for her now. Dave has had very memorable moments with both his mom and dad on this visit and we are so thankful for that.

Dave being an older dad means that he has an older dad, too. Some of my fondest memories of visiting St Louis is my time spent with Pete. Not only did my children not know their grandfather in his better days but neither did I. But that did not keep me from asking him questions about his life as a young boy, born a twin, growing up in St Louis, working early and never stopping.

Today my dad and Aunt Linda left. We had such a very nice quiet time with them. Olivia said last night that she loves it when Papa comes but really liked having Aunt Linda. Miss them already. It is rare occasion when my children have more than one relative visiting.

This country is just too far and wide.

Bless you on this first day of Advent. A dear friend loaned us her Advent study of which I cannot get snuggled in and start tonight.

Clinging to Jesus.

Friday, November 27, 2009 5:46 PM CST

So nice to have FAMILY in the house! Having AUNT Linda and PAPA Virg here has been such a blessing. We are all very low key and low speed.

Thankful.

Dave will head to St Louis tomorrow early AM to visit with his dad, mom and sisters. We continue to pray for Papa Pete's strength.

Thankful.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009 9:00 PM CST

I rarely if ever work over a journal entry.

This is my third attempt.

If I were an Isaiah with wonderful words to say my heart; I would.

But I am Sheila. . .

I am thankful.

I could list the list and it would take some time it would be almost like infinity, right?

Papa Pete is still weak but is at home. Dave will visit his mom and sisters this weekend.

Papa Virg and David have Aunt Linda and will be coming here tomorrow.

Olivia and I dropped Velvet off to get spayed. She is sleeping it off. Olivia wanted to use her sponges from PICU to water her pup.

TPN fridge decided to quit but started up again.

Yesterday it was so sweet; after breakfast with Daddy-Olivia got into the car and was singing some ditty she makes up all the time and stopped and said,

"I love Daddy."

Last night I received emails from my boy; they were most delightful and playful. He has such a fun sense of humor.

Help me Lord to see the goodness in my family and nurture it.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 9:27 PM CST

Today was Dave's 56th birthday. Yes, 56 years. No, not 46, 47, 48, 49 not even 50, but 56. He lives in a different decade than I and most people we know.

Dave's decade is different than mine.

January 2010 will be a new decade.

Olivia and I took the Daddy to breakfast then he went to serve a family while Olivia and I ran errands. We came back together to take him to dinner and dream, window shop for a new sofa.

Olivia was sheer delight. Great company. So much a little girl yet can really hang with adults in a natural way.

David was with Papa Virg. They did some railfan stuff, looking at bridges and riding around in Indiana. Much needed time for both.

Olivia's Saturday night flare looks like it was just that. It was more than likely brought on by eating the raw carrot and a half.

Tomorrow Dave is back at work; Olivia and I have another day of errands and dropping off THE VELVET to get spayed. We hope to visit Aunt Becca and pick up yarn and any other misc. things needed to keep home for the next few days.

So thankful.

Sunday, November 22, 2009 7:39 AM CST

There is no denying it. Olivia is in a pseudo obstruction; no amount of venting or pulling with a syringe gave relief. She vomited every hour on the hour and then some. I was next to her all night and could not believe how mature she is about vomiting. She is a professional puker for sure.

She ate raw carrots yesterday; she loved them. Her mouth was ORANGE from eating them. I made a comment and for some reason she could not stop eating this one food type.

Dave will take down a urine sample for culture as that may be the culprit which started this whole shut down.

I know I am disappointed and when I shared with Olivia that today is the day the folks from Wycliffe Bible Translators are coming; she was heartbroken. We wanted to see and hear a part of Cameron Townsend's God given work in action.

Back to bed.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 5:20 PM CST

From our study of France, Claude Debussy!

David's drawing is delightful as well.

I love teaching my own children. What a huge privilege.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 5:18 PM CST

From our study of France, Claude Debussey!

David's drawing is delightful as well.

I love teaching my own children. What a huge privilege.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 0:57 AM CST

Finalizing December's clinics was completed today. There are people in this world who go above and beyond and that would be Olivia's clinic nurse.

She has set up four clinics in December in two days to fit our needs and even made herself available to draw labs. I know how to do it; just an interruption in our house. I would have to drive 20 minutes to drop off where I would have to sign in, give my own blood (just kidding) before it all being official. She knows we choose to not have a nurse and with that the labs she will draw for me.

Just her setting up the appointments in itself is a HUGE help as not all the services have a "Gerry" and will work with me. Most tend to put us at 9 AM appointments when we are two hours away.

Olivia does not know yet that she will be seeing orthopedics. She continues to complain of back pain.

She had a great day today.

She is excited at the possibility that her Great Aunt may be coming for Thanksgiving.

To Jesus!

Friday, November 13, 2009 10:34 PM CST

Autumn Sounds.

The other day it was the movement of these fall days which captured me, but today it was the sounds. On our walk the birds seemed to all be screaming their morning songs, loudly! The crunching of leaves which the dogs both would sniff into and find their bodies overcome with the dried aftermath of summer.

David and Olivia on their bikes while I walked with Charlie and Velvet riding in Olivia's bike basket we went farther than the day before. We arrived in front of a house with a dog which could not leave the yard and then was bombarded by another BIG dog that seemed to come from thin air. He was all over Charlie and I had to fight him off of Charlie and he then turned his attention to the doggie in the basket. Olivia was still on her bike and when she saw the dog coming towards her Velvet, she put her "kung fu" kick into the situation and got the big bad dog on the nose.

David scolded his sister in a way for "hurting" the dog. Dog eat dog.
If she had not Velvet would have been toast.

Olivia did not hesitate! What a fighter she is! She is strong. During art class we recapped the story for a dad who came to pick up his children. It was so great for David to hear that others have problems with dogs and how it is NOT acceptable and ALL right to PROTECT oneself.

Protecting. More on that another day or night.

A friend on the firing line gave this quote to me; I love it.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. --Frank Lloyd Wright

Thursday, November 12, 2009 9:56 PM CST

New ways.

Not mine, but Your's Lord.

Four days! Each day Charlie and I have started our morning with good walk. It has been so great and I feel so much better even after just four days. Winter is coming, but I can still walk in the snow, maybe not as long, or maybe so?

Charlie is so thankful for the great "sniff" time, too!

I am TRYING to rediscover how to move again. I was always a fast walker; as a teacher I would be paces in front of my students who were as tall and a good 10 years younger. So, I am reclaiming how God made me and trying to keep on target so I can be a better vessel for Him.

Going to a gym is not an option nor is it where I am in this.

Every day I would see "Running Man" -run- by with his two dogs. He had to be in his late 70s. He and his dogs have been passing by for many years now; and last summer he walked with two adults and a body brace.

Inspired.

So, this guy could no longer run for whatever reason, but he was determined to keep moving. Now after a few months he is back to running by himself with his dogs again.

I would love to run again; I love running. It is almost as important to me as playing my flute or painting with brushes. It is a section which got so lost and covered when life changed.

The kids are old enough now that I can get up early and take my walk. They can join me or ready for the day.

It is a choice.

Victim or Victorious Victory?

Lead by example.

Natural. I keep thinking about all the human beings before me and how they kept in shape. They worked the land, they walked/ran a lot more than folks these days, plainly expended more energy in every day living.

So, there you have it. I have to remind Olivia pace her desire to walk with me and I hope that it will help her in the long run to know what she can do in the morning or not do in order to make it through the day with full steam, or at least with enough steam.

. . . . . . . . . . .

We are in Europe still. Took a bit of a break this week driving to pick up a new instrument for the house and visiting with friend discussing an upcoming, ONGOING life blessing project.

So, today we broke out some tunes from Claude Debussy, Saint Saens and Ravel. The children both drew Claude Debussy and David figured out the time signature of Ravel's Bolero.

Tomorrow is Netherlands as we HAD to stop there to visit with Mr. Rembrandt one of my long time all time favorites in the painter category.

Matthew 5:1-16

Tuesday, November 10, 2009 8:24 PM CST

Yesterday I took Charlie on a "starting the week differently morning walk" and we met a little doggie friend. Olivia overheard and insisted when at 7 AM she had a pouch leak that she might as well get up with me and seek this new furry friend.

The walk was beautiful as it always is up here on the hill. Both dogs were plenty happy on this quest. Velvet has rested more today than I have ever seen her. She has a lot more terrain to travel being the small variety of dog.

But it is a tremendous trade off-a walk vs. academic school. It was worth it for today.

I am so thankful to have the liberty to home school my children. So thankful for the support I receive through my friends who embrace homeschooling and count it as a privilege not a punishment.

Which reminds me of an amazing conversation today.

Victim-Victory
Curse-Calling

These are terms that folks may consider when discussing people living with a disease, disorder, challenge, or fragility of flesh.

There are many who are called to different places in this world and could refuse, reject and ignore, but those who are called into this world flesh fragility have no choice. It is an interesting concept, but as Rodger Randall spoke to me a month or so ago, it IS all about attitude.

The wind is howling; the leaves will be off the trees tomorrow. Autumn is waning.

Ready for the winter healing and quiet.

Sunday, November 8, 2009 6:41 PM CST

When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and
the stars, which thou hast ordained, what is man that thou art
mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?
- Psalm 8:3,4, a Psalm of David

Fall is so much more than just colors. The falling leaves, wind blown from trees or along the edge of the earth, moving across the road, past the window. To stop and look at the movement the unseen wind.

Saturday was a big day with Scouting activities along with Olivia and me doing some much needed up keep. She was given little braids in her hair and new fingernails and toes. It reminded me of what a friend told me what she did for her daughter after a hard season. Although October has not been our worse by any means, it was a blessing to be freshened up and to be together.

I gathered my art work from the small gallery and am excited to the spring at which time my art students will have a show there!

Then off to begin our neighbor day. We went to the Kentucky Arts and Crafts Museum where a good friend has pieces for sale! It is a well worth trip. The kids had fun and some fun photos. The above was by Mike, but I changed it a bit.

We had ended our celebration with Quiche Lorraine, S'mores in the oven (Thanks again, Heidi!) and flashlight tag.

Today was "Big" church which means the smaller groups come together to form a larger group. A couple called to New Zealand spoke and I enjoyed talking with him and talking about the "land" of New Zealand. Excited to share when we study New Zealand in school. We have two TPN friends from there!

We were going to join with more fellowship but when we came home to change clothes I had no more energy. I think I am still recovering from the flu at times, or maybe just getting older and cannot keep the same hours. Olivia and her neighbor friend had fun going door to door selling knittings. They took a kitten with them to "SOFTEN PEOPLE'S HEARTS!" It worked!

A good weekend after what seems like a long October month. Many changes took place this month.

We continue to pray for the children who are struggling. We pray that this week is a week of turning corners and heading down a healing path.

To Jesus.

Saturday, November 7, 2009 7:04 AM CST

Being able to finish the week with good learning is always a good thing around here. We have been faithful and the children see on our tally marked paper that 59 days have passed. Yes, some are sick days, but even on our sick days we press forward taking a nugget and hiding it in our heart.

The children and I are taking the challenge of memorizing the Sermon on the Mount. I am amazed as to how easy it has been and always felt that memorizing large passages would be beyond my memory tank at this point, but as pointed out at fellowship that _speaking_ the Word many times (some say 50!) will make it possible! The children are far faster than I!

Our hearts are heavy for several who are really struggling. The weekends are always a difficult time being inpatient when there are conflicts. The body does not stop being sick for the weekend. We ask for continued strength and mercy.

To Jesus

Friday, November 6, 2009 7:19 AM CST

Olivia seems much better having had the "shot" of penicillin in her rump. She is very sore to walk, but the throat is better and we actually went to the orchestra concert yesterday by taking her cue. As I sat there I wondered (besides money) why I do not do this more often with my children. It melted away the stress as it is something we all truly enjoy.

Paganini was the composer of the violin concerto. The Russian who played was beyond any violinist I have ever heard. He did not hold back and to see the twinkle in his eye as he looked at the conductor and the other violinists; it was a great show all around.

Have to grab the moments when they are presented.

Flute lessons and an art lesson which ended up being a jam session for David and I with another violinist. FUN! We all took turns at the piano too. Hoping to find more like minded young musicians for David and Olivia to play together.

It is such a hard time in our community of friends. So many children are struggling with life and death. I personally tend to ball up and get quiet which may seem that I am hard hearted but on the contrary it is my own personal coping system. I am trying to put it before God and not carry the burden so much.

Today is a home day. Am looking forward to geography as we begin FRANCE today! Tomorrow we have our monthly neighborhood dinner and I have decided to cook to whatever country we are studying. So Quiche and hoping to do chocolate mousse. We shall see!

Continued prayers for the dear children. Peace and comfort for each family member. Strength and Endurance.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009 5:53 PM CST

Tender mercies.

Seems that so many are being hit hard right now.

The culture came back positive for strep; she has been miserable, but thankful we now have something we can treat and get better.

I need to have a better handle and be more steadfast. Too many worlds in which we play and it makes things a bit confusing. Looking forward to January where we can start afresh with a new PED and begin team building concerning Olivia's care here at home.

Thankful for a supportive homecare company; people who listen and care and for friends who are willing to listen and help.

We are ready for everyone to be well.

Thank you so much M.B for the card; it went to California first then made it to our house. It is on our board of thoughtfulness.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009 4:35 PM CST

Oh the Beauty of your Majesty on the Cross You showed Your Love for me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Oh what a hard day.

Started by hearing the depth of life from a friend's mother's heart.

Sobering.

Olivia claimed a sore throat was ailing her last night. So we are back in the sick house. Praying to keep her home.

We are not victims. We are victors.

Praying for dear Laura. We so want to see her again soon.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009 7:51 AM CST

Praying for our dear friends. . .

it is not my story to tell.

but if you think of us please pray for Kody and his family.

Sunday, November 1, 2009 6:23 PM CST

Glorious November 1st.

Amazing time at church.

Fellowship.

Home.

Papa!

Thursday, October 29, 2009 8:52 PM CDT

Yesterday was one of those days. Dropping other people's music book into a mud puddle, tears, anguish, open heart views into a child's heart. Big full emotional, spiritual, hungry for rest kind of days.

Sitting in my basement I hear David playing the piano something he does with ease and without coaxing. He loves it. Violin is a challenge to him but he amazes me how he even holds it, let alone play it. He plays more and more music from his heart as everything else in his life. The revealing of the heart in one's son is a miracle.

He heard an interview of student musicians and explained to me a 12 year old boy was asked whether he was a rock or a feather and the boy answered with an emphatic, "ROCK" to which David immediately, like his mother, thought there was something wrong with him.

I happened to share this with my artist friend to which she replied:

You know.....
A bird couldn't fly without the feather

A duck wouldn't be protected from the water without the feather

Writers of long ago wouldn't have a voice without the feather for their quill

The many colors and patterns and designs of the feather leaves us gasping in awe at the sheer radiance
and vibrance it brings to all the birds of the world

And nothing is as lovely as a feather drifting in the wind....slowly drifting down, taking twists and turn, not in a hurry, taking its time. Eloquent, peaceful and serene....tranquility for those who take the time to stop and notice.

. . .

To Jesus.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009 10:42 PM CDT

I was stunned to see it was the 27th day of October today.

Olivia is doing so well with scrubbing her line, flushing with saline and heparin! Next step is to work on "hooking" up fluids.

Clinic not until December when we will see a new nutritional doctor and see the doctor who diagnosed her as well as urologist. Hoping all three on one day so we can come back for orthopedic appointment to find the root of the back pain.

We had a delightful field trip today to a bakery. It tied right in with our study of Europe.

Sunday, October 25, 2009 2:50 PM CDT

Back.

Could not find the car keys this morning when it was time to head out, food in the back, instruments packed, Bibles in hand, but no keys.

The keys found and frustration disappeared as we drove through the engulfing colors; trees and bushes are in a full display now; it is overwhelming overcomingly-beautiful.

It was a blessing our drive was to Corydon in a house surrounded by the trees.

The Coloring Song
Petra

Red is the color of the blood that flowed
Down the face of Someone Who loved us so
He's the perfect man, He's the Lord's own son,
He's the Lamb of God, He's the only one
That can give us life, that can make us grow,
That can make the love between us flow.

Blue is the color of a heart so cold
It will not bend when the story's told
Of the love of God for a sinful race
Of the blood that flowed down Jesus face
That can give us life, that can make us grow
That can keep our hearts from growing cold.

Gold is the color of the morning sun
That shines so freely an every one
It's the sun above that keeps us warm
It's the Son of love that calms the storm
That can give us life that can make us grow,
That can turn our mornings into gold.

Brown is the color of the autumn leaves
When the winter comes to the barren trees
There is birth, there is death, there is a plan
And there's just one God, and there's just one man
That can give us life, that can make us grow
That can make our sins as white as snow

That can give us life, that can make us grow
That can turn our mornings into gold.
That can give us life, that can make us grow
That can keep our hearts from growing cold.
That can give us life, that can make us grow
That can make the love between us flow.

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

The palate of my heart was glowing and ready for a blank canvas as we pick the brush back into our hands. May He guide each stroke.

Friday, October 23, 2009 7:34 PM CDT

September's home learning seemed seamless.

October was trying, but we did not give in to the perils!

This week's race was finished strongly. Once Dave had his turn with N1H1 it seemed wise to call off this week's extra activities. Having the freedom to start school at any time was nice, but not a luxury on a regular week. It afforded the children to really get good rest, not half way but all the way.

It was good to leave the house today for a lesson we have missed for almost two weeks. This flu robs one of the beauty of the fall, the warm yet cool breeze, the leaves floating inches above the ground. The colors abound all around us, to the red burning bush to all the yellows and oranges. Autumn is truly my season. All my favorite colors come to show in a spectacular fashion.

Some come home and others are pulled in.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Thursday, October 22, 2009 6:15 PM CDT

Our official fall hunker down is coming to an end.

Dave has yet to get over the flu, and the kids and I seem to be over the hardest part of it, I know I am not my usual high energy, let us get up and start the day.

Our school day has not started until noon pretty much this whole week but once we start we do not stop until finished. We have caught up from last week's illness!

Our read out loud book is George Muller a man who organized orphan's homes in Bristol, England. The children work on their geographical maps, flags, and other misc. items while I read. It is hard to stop, but after 2 chapters my voice is ready to give out.

Olivia has been most dismayed at the warm weather since it has kept us from a fire in the fireplace.

Our main "goal" is to make it to "church" on Sunday. We have so missed the fellowship of the Saints of God.

Prayerfully.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 4:36 PM CDT

Sometimes one speaks too soon.

Dave woke up with a "bad head cold" and happened to have a doctor's appointment for another issue this AM to get the nose swab and a positive, thumbs up for "Oink-Fever" which then of course reminded me I was feeling not as good as yesterday!

The mind.

But all in all we are progressing, I think. Olivia looks pale to me and David is still not eating very much, but they are productive and energetic.

I am here to share our story as I learned a lesson once that not all want their story told, but we would love it if you would join us in praying for a friend who is on their clinic journey down South. We are praying for good family fellowship, health and healing.

We are thankful to hear that two friend who have been in the "big house" for some time are NOW officially home. And the three people we knew having central lines/ports placed are in and working.

My neighbor just knocked at the door saying he is trying not to blow leaves into our yard! Yard? Oh yes, we DO have a yard! So grateful it is not needing any attention--and leaves? Let them blow where they may land!

To Jesus!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 1:36 PM CDT

Everyone may not be well, but we are so thankful to be home and together. Charlie and Velvet, Sugars and Izza, David and Olivia, Mommy and Daddy. Mr. Wings and Carmel in their cages. . . we are all just cozy.

Math was FUN today! Major grey matter being used. We all worked Olivia's "educated guess" section. Whew! David enjoyed percents and designing rooms; he really enjoyed doing it and asked if he could make more!

Olivia is still requiring some extra fluids to get through the day until TPN hookup. This is pretty standard from the Vanco blast and having had fevers.

The kids are busy today making all sorts of things, a woven camp chair and a pinewood tow truck!

Love our new storm door. Another "window" to the beautiful outside, which from our window many colors are beginning to display.

To Jesus.

Monday, October 19, 2009 6:55 PM CDT

CONNOR'S House

Support for the present. Hope for the future.

http://www.connorshouse.org/

Olivia was asked to submit drawings for "holiday cards" to help benefit this wonderful house. One of the cards was drawn by OLIVIA!

12 cards for $12 and you'll receive wonderful cards from different children.

Kid art is the best in my opinion.

Please let them know we sent you!

https://www.mysimplegive.com/SG/sfDonate.jspx?uq=1255996002841&id=ch&pid=161

Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:03 PM CDT

Happy BIRTHDAY to AUNTIE KIM and COUSIN CAROLYN!

We love you and miss you so much.

It is a restful Sunday here. I sure do miss the Sunday fellowship, but we had our own family Bible time today. It took a lot of everything to get Olivia up and OUT of bed but she is planted on the couch today--PROGRESS!

God is here, so thankful for the love and support.

Be blessed that God loves you!

Saturday, October 17, 2009 8:51 AM CDT

HOME!

What a week. I know many have "weeks" and even "months" and we have seen a two of those, but even a short stay in the hospital discombobulates your life.

Dave, David, Olivia and I are now all home. Papa is back to his homestead and so far feeling well. Dave still feels well too!

I have a cough and some aches, but SO much better than how I felt yesterday.

David is on the mend with a lingering cough and Olivia has a cough, and intestinal/hydration issues which we will need to really keep a watch.

Now to reclaim some control over all aspects. We have been out of pocket now for a LONG week and as I have stated before in NO hurry to be back in the race.

Thank you for your prayers. So appreciated.

Friday, October 16, 2009 2:47 PM CDT

It is always so humbling to hear how many people will pray for us from all different ends of our nation to right here. God is SO much bigger than one building. . . The Believers coming together to join in prayer, it is overwhelming beautiful to me. Thank you from the bottom of the hearts of our family.

We know we were BLESSED by amazing nurses and even LEARNING doctors who listened to me (for the most part).

Dave arrived in the morning and I was at the Urgent Care just 8 minutes from our home at 1 PM! I do NOT remember the drive home! Thank you for listening to me and hearing me home.

I guess there is so much controversy still around this "flu" that even the diagnosing of it is not so sure. Olivia's quick/rapid test came back a false negative which I explained to the UC doctor, but alas, she could not write it with it being NOT positive but did give me 7 days at one time a day.

Dave will bring Olivia home tonight and we will be in deep isolation for the required time. I do not want to get anyone sick from this.

Urgent care was a N I G H T M A R E! No patients has masks on in the waiting room and open coughing. I proudly donned my CCHMC dancing somethings which the nurses loved.

Please, if you go out--cover your faces if you have an active cough. Wash your hands! This flu started out with a very subtle cough which grew into fever, flaring sore throat, sniffles and a painful cough.

It is so neat to hear how Olivia has touched people's worlds. She is struggling with being sick now, and we are not out of the weeds yet, but going to discover the beauty of these weeds and prayerfully, here at home.

I have to thank one friend who I rely so heavily on during these times. . . thank you so much for your medical wisdom, and dear friendship.

Major down time, healing, resting time is in order.

TO Jesus.

Friday, October 16, 2009 7:01 AM CDT

There is something to be said about the mind. I was perfectly fine with my on coming cough and slight ache until the flu was confirmed, now I feel as if I am sicker and achier. Could be the stone I have been sleeping on, but I do believe it is that wonderful mind of mine.

Dear Olivia is tired. We have not been here very long, not even 3 nights and she is tired of all the tube chasing that is done every night for medications. There was so much of it going on and an occasionally fever which I caught when I switched to the stone bed after sleeping next to her. She gets so mad about the water flush. I will flush 1 ml if that, but she accuses me of 5 ml. Her gut has been used a lot this visit.

Tamaflu Tamiflu, whatever it is, or spelled was started. She ordered cheese cake to which she has very high standards and was not even happy with the way it looked. J and G output have slowed and her ileostomy is working again. So she is on the mend. What is concerning is the cough.

Before we left I grabbed my book of Riddles from when I was a kid. Last night she read the whole book to me keeping track of how many I missed. She is now going to "quiz" her daddy, brother, and grandparents!

It was music to my ear to hear her read. It has been pretty much Noggin with deep movies sprinkled about the day. Fiddler on the Roof was last night.

For those of you who know my husband, he has taken today off which is something he rarely will ever do. Especially with several days off following. I am a proactive girl. I do not want to feel so bad today and not have him here to watch over the girl.

Now, that girl of ours is in high alert mode because Daddy is coming. She is so tired; she does not want to be separated from me.

Great nursing. Two male nurses and a "Lady" last night to which Olivia was relieved. The "Lady" nurse won Olivia over immediately when she asked if I wanted to refuse the weight at 6 AM.

We are praying for our friends who have some distance before home. As always we thank you for your prayers and support.

To Jesus.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 7:17 PM CDT

Around noon the resident popped her head in to announce H1N1 or is it N1H1 or is it Swine Flu or is it? Anyway, it is the flu which we already knew, but anyway. Tamiflu was started. It was held off due to the possible side effects to an already compromised GI system. Olivia has been well hydrated and over all is doing well with those pesky fevers and cough.

"When I cough two times in a row, the second cough vibrates my whole mouth." Olivia has had a lot of cute little quirks all day. She happily painted the usual stuff, stained glass, AKA plastic. Painted a piece of wood cut in the shape of a butterfly but the highlight was the sand art dolphin key chain which now hangs from her pump pole.

She has had two male nurses. A first for us to start a visit. We've had both before, but now that she is older she is telling them all sorts of things. I overheard her encouraging one who had changed out her G and J bags for the millionth time. One must remember to plug the mid section or you have a mess. He did it twice as I did last night once. She was relieved though to have a "woman" nurse since she only has minimum clothing on under the sheets. Modesty!

Olivia saw her Velvet today via video chat!

Our nurse today was awesome. He was a hard worker and like I said was on top of it all which gave me opportunity to pull the sofa chair out and do a full fledged much needed heavy duty nap. A friend called on the hospital phone and I basically hung up on her, there were all sorts of noises in the hall way and I was in and out of sleep, but my eyes popped open when Olivia sneezed. It was really comical. Sleep is a very good thing. Almost as good as being home. :)

Papa and David rested again today. We are in NO hurry to hurry. And so thankful that Papa was able to come to our rescue yet again. BUT now we must not forget to pray for his safety and that he does not get sick. He is our pinch hitter, our bull pen. . . our PAPA!

I will have a better picture after tomorrow morning "rounds" as to the "plan".

There are many who are standing in the need of prayer. There is also our friends who have to travel from Indiana to Florida for clinics which is NOT an easy task.

Children so sick here. Sad eyes seem to prevail, but we know God is able and will and IS our Deliverer!

TO Jesus!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 9:09 PM CDT

To walk through the halls, wheeling Olivia with her sparkling wheels past the masked faces we have entered a whole new world. Being in an inner city setting makes it all the more colorful in terms of emotions more than skin. Tiny babies screaming, sad eyes peering over the mask, triage, then into the quietness of the ED room. We turn the lights down and settle into the world of Noggin without skipping a beat.

First a nurse pokes her head in to relay that she will not be our nurse but another soon to arrive. We meet the resident ED doctor first. A young woman who takes down the information with agreement with all I have to say. The nurse who is taking Olivia on comes in with a "Toots" here and other little names. Draws Olivia's lips into a slight smile despite feeling really lousy.

I hate bringing my daughter to the hospital when she is sick. The kind of sick that most people would relate as "sick". She still does get sick like a normal, typical, 9 year old girl; it just seems bigger because there are always so many things which can and could go wrong. I so want to make her chicken soup, feed her Vitamin C, give her all she needs, at home.

Urine culture, blood culture, throat swab, and a flu swab, lights down, Vanco (antibiotics) started with premedication from Benedryl. Now she is glassy eyed, looking sicker than she was coming into the "big house" with those beautiful brown eyes clasped to the square shaped television.

Now onto the floor and after the zillion questions Olivia is back in her Noggin world. A world I have to accept.

There is one world; I know that. BUT.

When in ED I always have way too much time to think over situations, past hurts, times, people, thoughts, it is painful. I try to maintain my opinion only to be shot down.

Enough poetic talk.

Blood and Urine cultures taken. Strep and flu swabs. Still awaiting everything, but threw the big guns (antibiotics) at her anyway.

Now we are watching the Young People's DVDs that Uncle Greg sent a long while ago. Leonard Bernstein talking about what a concerto is.

We don't need Disney.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009 7:21 PM CDT

Had a post earlier, but maybe CB lost it or I forgot to post. Who knows.

Olivia woke with a fever and by afternoon I was not feeling well.

Olivia's fever has not been high enough to call anyone. Thankfully. She is doing really well tonight.

Thankful Dave is the stand up man he is. He is taking care of us all.

Tomorrow is an off day for him.

Thank you friends for your prayers and concerned calls.

Monday, October 12, 2009 8:52 PM CDT

Olivia and I have been watching a crash course of the Christy series which was given to her from a dear friend. So, with that in mind, we have been speaking to each other with a different tone, last night she was calling me "Teacher" and when I look at the "child" with her glasses off she takes my breath away. The brown depth of her eyes are so deep and thoughtful.

We all miss our boy who has been in his bed since Saturday night. He will call for me, but knows if he does more water drinking is in order. His fever is down tonight but still a low grade. We are praying no one else in the house gets what he has and we can still enjoy our weekend away.

Dave arrived home so late last night that it was Monday morning. Thankfully, he is now off for 3 days and today was a catch our breath day. So, Olivia and I took off in the truck to look for firewood. We with our "Cutter Gap" flavor "hunted" us some wood but instead stopped and talked to an older couple who has lived up on these knobs for over 30 years. They walk their dog every day and I'm so glad we stopped to talk with them. Thirty minutes later and we were on our way to seek out one of the last farms up here which sells feeds. There we met the two brothers who own the farm and their two highly athletic dogs. We must go back for David to meet and see.

One pumpkin, some home grown veggies and a short grocery trip and Olivia and I were home. That girl sure can talk a lot.

Now for our boy to be up with us tomorrow without a fever. Another friend to get a new central line placed where folks didn't think could happen and another friend far away to get answers.

We pray.

Sunday, October 11, 2009 7:17 AM CDT

David is pretty sick as far as David goes.

High fever, chills, sore throat and now a cough is coming onto the scene.

We ask that you join us praying it isn't anything more than that and the rest of us, especially Olivia stays clear.

Saturday, October 10, 2009 8:23 AM CDT

Autumn has rushed to Southern Indiana. We have barely had time to catch our breath.

Olivia's lipid pump is sounding telling me it is on KVO which normally happens every morning. She sleeps through any beeping sounds.

Everyone still asleep except for Izza. She is an early riser; I'm surprised Velvet is still sleeping.

Next weekend we are looking forward to visiting Cincinnati during NS's regional conference. We hope to see some doctors we know but mostly to see some friends. It will be a family Fall Getaway-if one has to put a name to it. Papa will have our doggies so everyone will be happy.

Our friend will be in the Miracle Worker in Dayton which we'll take Sunday to enjoy.

We try to live in the day, the moment, but it helps to have pockets of times to look forward to which helps in the hard moments.

The great looking forward would be December 11. That is the day Grandma L comes here!

Friday, October 9, 2009 11:25 AM CDT

It don't matter, where they bury me.
I'll be gone and I'll be free.

The last song Jars of Clay played at the very electric concert was so appropriate for what was to come.

Our dear friend has gone to be with the Lord. She will be greatly missed by so very many people, but her life's testimony will continue to make a great impact. We pray for her family as the crossroads will be clouded by intense grief and sorrow.

There is hope.

Psalms 42:5

Why art thou cast down, O my soul?
And why art thou disquieted in me?
Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.

Sunday, October 4, 2009 9:02 PM CDT

Olivia ate!

We had a green tea party then she had nibbles of roast and some carrots.

Answered prayer!

We rejoice!

Saturday, October 3, 2009 7:31 PM CDT

Olivia had severe headache, vented all day long and hasn't wanted to eat anything for a few days now.

Bolus and bed is in order.

Dave and the boy are camping again this weekend with BOY Scouts. We girls are enjoying our home time after a day of selling at a yard sale. I love to talk with all the people; Olivia was right there talking and selling.

Our friend was selling her mouse. We've known about "mouse" for some time and it was inevitable that this creature would join our zoo. Who can say no to such a little thing in the scheme of things?

On the way to the yard sale Olivia talked about "How Not to Puke" and her thought process through it all. Her verbal banter on such topic is endearing, revealing and bursting with what Olivia deals with on a daily basis.

So, eating is not something she has been doing. She is growing; able to say, "no thank you" and we all move on to something she can do.

Tomorrow we have Papa for a few days.

Many of our friends are isolating for the flu season. We need to evaluate how and to what extent.

Praying. . .

Running to the end.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 10:26 PM CDT

Blessed friends!

Olivia's downward spiral is not a rapid one and in pseudo obstruction there are so many different seasons which may seem as if things are strangely out of control and other times very subtle.

We have certainly seen Olivia in more desperate times. Even something as "minor" as ostomy wound care in which her stoma around a tube is so irritated red and severe due to leakage, etc. can play havoc. And as Olivia so wisely has stated before that there is always something which is not playing by the rules. Whether it be G or J or a UTI, or her pouch/ileostomy, or a CVL needing repair, or red and itchy, . . .

Over the years we have seen gross distention which for a mother to even look at is most painful. We are so thankful we have not seen that sort of distention in well over a year.

But now we see what us GI folks call "dumping" where either from G or her J tube or ileostomy much fluids will be in need to escape. If from G or J she feels sick, nauseated as we would say, although, she just calls it "my tummy hurts" or "I need to vent."

You may see her squatting opening her tube to drain right there on the ground if outside, or in the kidney shaped emesis pans (when they were pink we called them pink puke pans!).

So as much goes out same or more needs to be "replaced" and that is where CVL (C Line) comes in very handy.

In the dark, beginning stages I was angry, hurt, scared of that thing. We wanted so badly to get her OFF TPN so we would no longer have it to haunt our lives. (Hence dark stage)

Now I see it as this multi colored apparatus which flows wonderful life sustaining nutrition and hydration into our Olivia.

So, the "dumping" is a bit concerning, but we are doing what we should do to keep her in balance.

Olivia has been trained and is now officially unhooking herself. The last two days I've not even watched her. She goes to KVO (keep vein open) for about an hour then I have to remind her to get "Unhookings" and DO IT! She has been "getting" the needed supplies for some time now, but had prompted to start the sterile care. Unhooking seemed the safest place to start.

She takes care of her tubes, replaces her own pouch and now this. It has all been in her own time which I pray will help it to "stick" and continue to grow to other parts of her care.

Thank you for your continued prayers and care.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 10:55 PM CDT

September's end is October's beginning.

Home learning is going really well. We are moving next week into Europe, reluctantly. Studying South America and reading Nate Saint has been very deep and we all hate to leave. Geography has been the highlight of our time together. Learning not just about where places are, but who lives there, what God is doing or has done; it has been a big boost in our walk.

Fall seems to have been bullied by Winter today. It was a snap of cold none of us were ready for but Olivia insisted on a fire so she and David built one. She rocked Velvet in her little rocking chair by the fire.

Olivia cannot wait for the cold of winter. She has plans. My reading books by the fire is one.

On the medical front, Olivia is very stable. She is different and possibly in a slow spiral down, but so far we are able to keep her needs met.

Looking forward!

Saturday, September 26, 2009 1:49 PM CDT

11:30 PM Olivia cracked so we escaped the tent and headed home. So thankful for her tender heart; she was so careful as she didn't want to be more work.

Her tennies so wet she could not put them on, Dave carried her on his back for a bit then she walked stocking feet on the gravel road wearing her TPN backpack, chattering away as Dave and I walked behind her to the car.

I love my husband. He is far from perfect but some of the best parts of the kids come from his tenderness. He told Olivia how it was a privilege to care for her to do anything for her. She was the Socked Princess last night.

God blessed our walk even more by showing us glow worms. I had never seen them and I've been to all sorts of rural areas in my lifetime. It seemed the perfect time for God to show them to us three, last night.

Then not a minute down the road did we see the resident fox who lives at the camp. Beautifully staring back at us, Olivia and I were in awe.

Earlier, before we had gotten into the tent, Olivia claimed she that it was the best night of her life. She loved how her brother included her and how his friends were so nice and playing flashlight tag was a blast.

We tried, but also, realized that maybe cabin camping is more our speed.

And that is all right by me!

To Jesus.

Friday, September 25, 2009 10:29 AM CDT

We made it! Happy birthday to our Stephanie (she and I share the same day as well as the same year!) and 11 year old Samuel.

We had a good week. Started off with a wonderful time of fellowship and worship last Sunday. There I shared with the women in real form my thankfulness of this year and how far God has brought us.

It was a week of surprises, forgetfulness but we made it!

Last night I was given the gift to see Jars of Clay. The funny part was the other bands BEFORE they hit the stage. There were great pockets of moments, but the hard electric bands were hard to understand. Audio Unplugged was great! It was a good time, something I don't do very often, go out at night without my family.

All week long the kids have been packing for CUB o REE. It has been RAINING and Dave and David like the TRUE SCOUTS they are WILL be going; Olivia and I too, possibly LATER. She so wants to go and this is the last opportunity as next year David will be a BOY Scout!

I'm in awe as to the depths of dark valley one can go, and this year for me has been a very hard year. Last year, Olivia and I were driving home from Cincinnati after her perforation, surgery, PICU stay, wheweeee! Today, she is in her room knitting a sock, listening to Jonathan Park dreaming of camping out with her family!

Mercy, Grace, abound.

THIS IS THE LIFE! Abundantly so!

Saturday, September 19, 2009 7:39 AM CDT

Should have Olivia lead the Boys Book Club! She has such wonderful insights with characters in distress, conflict, etc. She is so like her own mother.

We just listened to The Voyage of the "Dawn Treader" and last night we watched BBC's interpretation. While Olivia was watching I was on the great voyage of folding a mountain of clothes on the big bed. We spoke to Eustace's transformation after having been turned into a dragon. Olivia nailed it, Eustace was so lonely.

What a great story of redemption!

The gig at the coffee shop went well. The whole Suzuki method is strange since it is really "made" to fit the very young to play. And if they start at 3 years old, imagine where they are at 8 years old?! Wow! I just try to emphasize with David it is not a contest. At all. He plays for only One. Hard to grasp when that thinking is not the norm. I was reminded by a former art student as to what is important as well. This young man (I do not like the word teen because then everyone THINKS a young person is going to act in a certain predetermined-ill-way) did not start playing until maybe older than David. He encouraged me to allow David to ENJOY it. Ah, what a concept!

I am not pushing, but encouraging him to share at fellowship on Sunday. I know it has been such a blessing for me, personally, as a musician.

We had another great week of school. Subjects are being covered and lessons completed. Now, my goal is to set up some good projects.

Olivia continues to have some major issues with G and J output. She has no added "pain" for that we are thankful.

A big week ahead! Birthdays, Concert and CAMPING with the Cub Scouts!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 10:45 PM CDT

Twenty-Two Days

Two arms around my two children.

Olivia has had major victories in all of her parts as a little girl. I decided to take her with me to women's Bible study where God gave us both a special time of encouragement and acceptance.

David is preparing for a very informal recital for violin. Olivia is enjoying improvising on the piano in her own way. And I have begun to play the guitar again.

It is as if the first love is back.

I'm awake.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009 9:05 AM CDT

The MAW house is coming soon. We are slowly getting the details ironed out so it can delivered and placed.

It has been God's timing all along.

For those praying for us, thank you.

Olivia has had victory over something which has plagued her (us) for well over 3 weeks.

To Jesus.

Sunday, September 13, 2009 7:22 PM CDT

A good weekend. Good fellowship all around.

Friday night was a blessing to hang out with youth who are seeking God's will; to be among friends.

I had one of those intense life moments late in the evening. When our friends came home from visiting their son away at college. The heaviness of the circumstance(s) the extreme emotions in that kitchen. So thankful for such fellowship.

Our time with Papa was on the other extreme for he is no longer a youth, but that evening he and I passed through many photographs of dear people long gone and those grown.

Green grass blades, wildflower colors, a heron on the log, a walk in the woods with Olivia as David mowed. All made for a great day.

Little things here and there, but mostly, teaching my two children is the most high priority of my "work" right now.

David has but 4 songs to record and he'll have finished his exam.

We are listening to _The Voyage of the Dawn Treader_ more on that to follow.

I love listening to C.S. Lewis' work.

The Comforter is revealed.

Saturday, September 12, 2009 7:47 AM CDT

It was one year ago this day, this morning that Miss Olivia under went her exploratory surgery which then led to a bowel perforation, resection and gall bladder removal. All the events which led up to September 12 were difficult, but the aftermath time in PICU is what really messed with me most I have to say.

I am telling my story. I can only assume on some of Olivia's points.

Now that this day has come it is relief. The word September has a whole new feel to it and having spoken with several folks they understand and say they all have their Septembers. We have an April too. Both birthday months!

Many of my support friends have more than just a September. What amazing Grace.

Our Papa is a train buff and is up on when the steams are in our area and there is one which we'll be riding today!

I think a perfect way to celebrate.

Monday, September 7, 2009 11:55 PM CDT

My family is home.

Olivia is still stressing.

We have a short quick week this week now due to the holiday today.

David must complete his Book I exam for violin. Olivia has a few hurdles as well.

We are looking forward to being with Papa this weekend and riding on a train.

Enjoy the above picture; it was taken on one of my favorite days this summer.

Sunday, September 6, 2009 2:40 PM CDT

My annual weekend at home alone.

It is what I call my retreat.

Friday night I was treated to an amazing meal.

Yesterday, I had a day full of reflection, tears, laughter, paint and a very late night, early morning drive with a sister who like many, needs a retreat.

God's Grace and Mercy abound.

David and Olivia are enjoying their time with St Louis family; Dave has gotten rest too. I'm so thankful. Olivia has been in high anxiety mode since a co-op. When I flew to visit my mom last February Olivia had anxiety, but nothing what we've been experiencing the last two weeks here. Several compounded concerns have formed this, but knowing I've not heard from her yet today and only for a few words yesterday, the trip concern-separation from mama-has been conquered.

We know that it is by His Grace alone.

God's riches at Christ's expense.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009 11:01 PM CDT

Journals

It is a good thing for scattered moms to keep journals.

We did a Liter of fluids today in between TPN.

The flare continues and the output is at a record high, but Olivia plugs along. She rode her bike with Velvet in the basket while Charlie and and I huffed along way behind. It was a good day as we finally saw Black and White Kitty.

Today was a glorious day home. School is much more pleasant when we are not running to that or this. Love this groove.

Will draw labs when my family gets home from STL. May even see if we can get in to see the other Dr. K.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009 8:39 PM CDT

Some nights are just good for writing.

The kids and I watched a video about mitochondrial disease. Then it became a quest to find something about pseudo obstruction. Olivia now wants to make a video about pseudo obstruction.

I'm just enjoying having Olivia open up again; she has been quiet and chronically anxious.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009 5:51 PM CDT

Olivia is still in a flare. She made it to the dentist. Told the dental tech she had to use the restroom (I was in my own chair at the time). She spit out all the tasteful tooth cleaner. She really is having a hard time with her flare.

Dentist said David will be ready dentally for braces by this summer.

I nabbed in the chair since there was an opening. I thought of all the recent activity I've experienced in my mouth over this past year.

Then I think of Olivia's journey. I'm again humbled.

By His Grace Alone.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009 7:27 AM CDT

September is here.

Olivia is in a major flare and having other side effects due to it. She is anxious about going to St Louis this weekend.

We have a very laid back week ahead of us so I'm hoping we can work through what is needed to get her feeling great by Friday's trip.

TO Jesus.

Saturday, August 29, 2009 4:21 PM CDT

Blue skies.

Last night the kids and I slept in our 3 person tent.

After a pretty active day, everyone fell asleep pretty quickly, Velvet and Charlie included but I kept hearing things and one point the two person tent had come loose and hit the side, both dogs barking, my screaming and David and Olivia. . . sleeping.

So through the night it rained, thundered and even in the blowing wind our little tent kept us warm.

Friday, August 28, 2009 1:08 PM CDT

Week two completed.

This week's consistency, patience and love went out the window and blew down the hill, but we did regain much today and although it was a rough week - still much was accomplished.

Our front yard is full of tents. Hoping it will not rain and kiddos can sleep outside! We shall see!

Thursday, August 27, 2009 9:23 AM CDT

"But he knows the way that I take when he has tested me. I will come forth as gold." Job 23:10

Thank you, this was and still so very timely.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 6:22 PM CDT

Last med ball today.

Olivia sets alarms to remind us. I really need to train her, watch her unhooking and unhooking. She is more than ready. I am, too.

```Patience is the companion of wisdom.
Saint Augustine

Last night we had the first Keepers meeting.

Wisdom was mentioned.

Heard a dear friend's frail voice today.

Life is so fragile.

Took a bike ride to the woods with Olivia. There we looked first hand at the layers just as we read in our science book.

Velvet rides in her bike's basket.

Have I mentioned, cb journal, that our Olivia wants to know where we would live if she died.

I don't think I could answer that. Literally, we have answers, but symbolically, I'd have to leave that answer to those who have experienced, faced and lived it.

Monday, August 24, 2009 6:49 AM CDT

Every weekend is different here. Dave's work schedule plays a major factor, if he had late nights prior to a Saturday off, then Saturday is a recovery day.

We had such a day Saturday and coupled a great family day for Sunday. After church and lunch we stopped at the "secret park" where the kids played in the creek and we played tag as a family. Good exercise!

Olivia is living in her skates again; she is so funny how she goes through stages. We were commenting how she went through a Waltons stage, Love Comes Softly stage, and Star Wars stage.

She is feeling so much better with the ABX for the UTI. She also has had a pretty bad cold, but I think it has almost run its course. We are close to being back to status quo.

Alarms are beeping, time to get this day going!

Thursday, August 20, 2009 7:28 AM CDT

. . . no literal scan for Olivia. . . just would be nice to have something like that which could determine the thickness of the bowel wall. . .

Wanted to clarify that Olivia is not going to Cincy for scan.

Just one of those moments, they can send a man to the moon, but they can't determine in a non evasive way inside the body stuffs.

It is all about transplant.

Trading in one for another, if you ask me.

BUT this IS the DAY that the LORD has MADE. IT IS A BRAND NEW day. Olivia is already up and eating her CAKE she made her Daddy last night.

Grace period for David - letting him sleep in extra 1/2 hour.

Time to start school.

Be blessed and KNOW HE IS WITH YOU.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009 5:38 PM CDT

Caught.

Day Three.

I feel like I'm writing as a captive, but I am. I am captive of what NEEDS to be accomplished and through it; I am seeing my children grow and they are learning to encourage me as well!

But most importantly, I have been captured by God. It is only in Him that I am.

There has been a catchy thought which has been a problem for some time now. I also have been thinking a lot about last September and what Olivia's body was doing or not doing.

When things like last week occur and there is little that we can do other than vent and replenish with fluids it exasperates the process of thinking -- what is going on inside her body?

A personal bowel scanner which would produce an immediate image is in order.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

MAW called today asking about the color of the interior and the trim on the outside of the house. Olivia has been making her closet into a mini "house" for some time in preparation of this little house. I hope it will be a special place for all of us.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 5:03 PM CDT

Day Two

The mystery solved.

Bittersweet. UTI the culprit, well, at least part of it. Hard to know which started what - UTI first then obstruction or obstruction brought on UTI?

The puzzle of pseudo obstruction. Pseudo.

Yesterdays quick to tears makes more sense now. Strange, I've never had a UTI in my life. I have no idea what she is feeling.

But - Olivia had good success in her lessons today and was quick to finish all her chores. My girl brought up folded clothes, vacuumed and mopped the big room to name some big stuffs. She is eager to do the right stuff.

I was able to slip down the hill with a friend which then in turn God blessed me with a whole new cut and color! My "hair lady" didn't like what she saw when I came in - it had only been since Saturday.

It is hot here. Our lawn needs mowed, my flowers deadheaded, but oh well, that will keep for tomorrow. . . or the next day!

To Jesus!

Monday, August 17, 2009 10:45 PM CDT

School went great. It was strange to not wake my children as David set his alarm. When I came out he was ready, but no Olivia. He said he tried to awake her but to no avail.

When I checked on her she was in full mouth open breathing deeply kind of sleep which I don't care if it is first day of school; I let her sleep. She is struggling-fighting something and sleep and fluids are the best medicine.

When I did get her up she was not happy to be the last to start the day.

My theme is consistency, patience and love. That is my prayer.

Thank you for your prayers. We are praying for you as well!

Sunday, August 16, 2009 4:35 PM CDT

What an amazing summer it has been. It has been a difficult summer on some accounts, but also a healing, wondering time.

We've been out of pocket/home for most of the summer months and when home with friends in from out of town.

Tomorrow marks a new school year. I'm not sure which year it is as I've always taught my two children from the start. Now more than ever, the reminder of the why, how, when, where and even the what seems of the utmost importance.

Olivia feels better I do believe. She was invited to swim today after church and asked if her brother could come too. We had a separate day yesterday so I was so pleased David was included.

It is a private pool and praying with all the swimming she has done this summer the Great Protector's hedge will continue to keep her clean.

So many dears are still recovering from major situations and still in battles of the flesh and blood. We are praying for you!

Never alone.

Sunday, August 16, 2009 8:26 AM CDT

A quick update. I keep thinking of LA and want to make sure SHE knows the up to date on Olivia. We thank all of you for your prayers.

It is such a roller coaster ride. That analogy never wears out and with David having just rode one yesterday - and how he described it (with all his animated body ways) I am sure that is what we are on - a ROLLER COASTER!

:)

I do believe she is caught up from all that has been coming out of her. IV fluids are a WONDER drug and we are most thankful to be able to administer here at home. Dave took a urine sample down last night so we'll see. . .

Enjoy your Sunday. . .

off to Worship!

TO JESUS!

Friday, August 14, 2009 11:48 PM CDT

I guess today would be day five, but after a "fast Liter" of fluids Olivia some of the symptoms seemed to flee. We did fluids yesterday as well, but I think we are finally catching up.

She has a tired-ness to her being; she is knitting her scarf rings which helps when she can't be as active.

She and I have a day planned for tomorrow. So thankful for the wheelchair.

Thursday, August 13, 2009 11:17 PM CDT

Olivia is on day four of a intestinal obstruction. We are doing all we can for her; she is tired.

She had a great week despite it having time at Papa's and the promise which was kept. Today we embarked on routine and lists to complete.

When she completed her she worked the remainder of the day in her closet where she has made out of duct tape and cardboard a miniature room. It is amazing. She loves to work alone while listening to her CDs.

We are continuing our story of Cameron Townsend which both children are captivated by--I'm enjoying reading to my children again and on such a subject--translating God's Word to a people who did not have the Words of Life in their own Heart Language. Powerful.

It had me blow the dust off Jesus Freaks Martyrs.

It was comforting to read of human living beings who did not give up-to their last breath. They knew they were not alone.

The many testimonies I read tonight were witness to that.

The world seems to spinning faster than ever, maybe its pace has accelerated or I've learned that it just isn't important. It is just all right to be a guard of my home, caring for my family and teaching my children. That is really just fine. . .

and enough.

Another cake baked and a Mexican dinner from scratch ready for tomorrow.

It is more than enough.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 1:30 AM CDT

Yesterday we all took a drive to Papa's to celebrate his 72nd birthday.

I baked a ham, made macaroni and cheese and a chocolate cake from scratch.

David came and sat by me when we got home and asked ME if I enjoyed myself.

Feeding chickens and hearing their sounds, walking to the pond, photographing: spiders, leaves, people I love, fish in hands, doggies swimming and any many other options, taking a nap, sitting on the front porch and running from the storm.

Yes, David, I loved it.

A good day.

Tomorrow I'm keeping a promise to my children which lasts until Wednesday.

The remainder of the week will be preparation and school planning.

Saturday I will be setting a small showing of some old and recent art pieces at a local salon. Last August my students showed their work. They've offered the space again to me in February for a student show! It is a great opportunity for my flute and art students.

Back to home basics.

Friday, August 7, 2009 8:02 PM CDT

We are all home.

What an amazingly meaningful time in California.

So thankful for the time spent there.

Now back to the races, praying to pace the race.

For Him.

Thursday, July 30, 2009 11:36 PM CDT

Below is Dave's plea to our congressman, Baron Hill. We are most disturbed and disappointed by what is happening in the name of "change" in our country.

President Obama's Science Advisor is equally scary. His concept of life is a direct contradiction to our belief system and to most Americans. I do think that those who are pro life will agree that once a baby breathes o2 out of the mother's womb is considered a living baby.

I wonder if those who are pro Obama and his changes are aware to what extent these changes will become. He is changing things so quickly that it is near impossible to keep up with it all.

Some may think that having a child with SPECIAL NEEDS is a curse. I have spoken to this before and will continue to sing my song.

I believe it is far from a curse but a blessing from God. God has through Olivia's illness has given such amazing insightful depth to living on this earth in this time and space. I do not look at Olivia and see any part of her that is LESS than any other child. Do you?

I have seen it in the eyes of people, sometimes due to ignorance. I've known people who think their children are "better than" because they are "healthy".

There are a lot of closet Survival of the Fittest out there.

It ain't easy.

There is no party line, white bread living life in our house. When I think of how far we've come and how long Olivia has lived with the amount of medical intervention EVERY day of her life I'm in awe of the MAJESTY of ABOUNDING GRACE and MERCY God gives us each and every day.

I know some don't want to hear the God factor, but, He is the One and Only that keeps my receiving the correct answer every time.

~.~.~.~

Dear Congressman Baron Hill,

I have been a resident of Indiana for 12 years. I am 55 years old and have worked my entire life. Your constituents voted you, and the
Democratic party, into ofﬁce to represent us. You now have before you the most pressing issue. It is a truly matter of life and death
to my family.

The pictures across the top are my daughter, 9 year old Olivia. She is pure love and sunshine. She lives with a chronic, rare disease called pseudo obstruction. Olivia�s care runs well over $100,000 per year, if we are able to keep her out of the hospital and if she does not need surgery. She is fed daily through intraveneous feeding called TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition). That is the source of her daily nutrition. She has been on this journey for 7 years. I have excellent health insurance through my employer, a fact for which I feel extremely fortunate despite its cost to me and my employer.

The cause of my concern is H.R. 3200. As I hear more about this bill, Olivia�s expensive care would make her a target. Because her health care costs are high, her present care would be sacriﬁced. I could not begin to afford her care. It would bankrupt me even trying. It sounds like my concern for my daughter would apply to my elderly parents as well.

Hear me clearly. I oppose H.R. 3200. I oppose any plan which:

� Reduces her care, or rations it, or which does not allow us to select her doctors and hospitals.

� Does not allow my present employer�s insurance to continue coverage.

� Any bill which does not allow adequate time for review and discussion.

� I oppose any plan that takes my tax dollars and uses them to fund abortions.

I struggle to make ends meet with our medical bills. I will resent that much more the diversion of funds from chronically ill children to fund abortions which I consider to be murder.

So my request to you is that you vote against H.R. 3200. There will be no excuse for an onerous and erroneous bill to make its way into law with your approval. Your constituents look to you for positive leadership on this issue. We cannot afford a mistake.

Sincerely yours,

David DeKold

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 11:34 PM CDT

Dear Congressman Baron Hill,

I have been a resident of Indiana for 12 years. I am 55 years old and have worked my entire life. Your constituents voted you, and the
Democratic party, into ofﬁce to represent us. You now have before you the most pressing issue. It is a truly matter of life and death
to my family.

The pictures across the top are my daughter, 9 year old Olivia. She is pure love and sunshine. She lives with a chronic, rare disease called pseudo obstruction. Olivia�s care runs well over $100,000 per year, if we are able to keep her out of the hospital and if she does not need surgery. She is fed daily through intraveneous feeding called TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition). That is the source of her daily nutrition. She has been on this journey for 7 years. I have excellent health insurance through my employer, a fact for which I feel extremely fortunate despite its cost to me and my employer.

The cause of my concern is H.R. 3200. As I hear more about this bill, Olivia�s expensive care would make her a target. Because her health care costs are high, her present care would be sacriﬁced. I could not begin to afford her care. It would bankrupt me even trying. It sounds like my concern for my daughter would apply to my elderly parents as well.

Hear me clearly. I oppose H.R. 3200. I oppose any plan which:

� Reduces her care, or rations it, or which does not allow us to select her doctors and hospitals?

� Does not allow my present employer�s insurance to continue coverage.

� Any bill which does not allow adequate time for review and discussion.

� I oppose any plan that takes my tax dollars and uses them to fund abortions.

I struggle to make ends meet with our medical bills. I will resent that much more the diversion of funds from chronically ill children to fund abortions which I consider to be murder.

So my request to you is that you vote against H.R. 3200. There will be no excuse for an onerous and erroneous bill to make its way into law with your approval. Your constituents look to you for positive leadership on this issue. We cannot afford a mistake.

Sincerely yours,

David DeKold

Monday, July 27, 2009 4:57 PM CDT

Happy Birthday, David BOY WONDER!

He has had a great day which started out with Daddy and him driving to LOUISVILLE for CRISPY CREAM DONUTS -a birthday treat for sure.

Our time here in Southern Indiana with Grandma is to the end, but we look forward to her return in December.

We've had such a great time, but mostly I'm struck by how much mom can and still does. She is an amazing help, friend and all around good time.

Lots of wonderful memories from our drive from OK City to Floyds Knobs, to our first day trip to Cincy for O's first iron, then moving to our own family 4th of July, low key and special. We had one of our Girls Group here and down time during Resident Camp for Daddy-O and David. We also crammed a rather longer Cincy trip which was renewing for us all. So thankful she was here during my root canal as it made it easy for me to NOT do. She got to meet all of David's friends during birthday week (ha ha) and now we are sliding or hopefully, flying out to California to meet two pups, see Grandpa Jerry and eat In n Out Burgers!

I'm hoping that our time in California will be laid back and quiet so I can do a little school work, major quality of time fun with all around us.

To Jesus.

Sunday, July 26, 2009 6:18 PM CDT

Slow and steady, right?

Lisa called and our dear Laura may be able to go home tomorrow; that is our prayer. Step by step, baby steps to healing.

David is excited about his birthday. I can still see my 1 year old at times when I look at him, but love the idea of his growing into the young man he is.

He was ignited by our visit to the cave yesterday and has been looking at his rock collection all day.

Pressing on. . .
Sh

Saturday, July 25, 2009 10:19 PM CDT

Is it just two days before my son turns 11? I cannot believe how fast life flies by-good or bad, hard or easy, full or surface-life can be incredible.

Our summer has been a full one with many "catch-up" visits with long ago and far away friends. We had Cousin Lisa and her family one day, then the next Aunt Midge and Cousin Nancy and her two babes, David's birthday party which was a four hour tour of great boys.

But the highlight of Lee Drive has got to be when the "Circus" came to our yard. Memories of my childhood, great summer memories spent with Connie and Jack and their boys, JackIE and Dave. Now it is still Connie and Jack, but with JackIE, Amy and their girls. It was one of the best visits ever with them.

A trip which was planned months ago actually happened. Squire Boone Caverns! It was an amazing day.

But now for a few major quiet family days before we fly Grandma back to the Golden State.

And celebrate David's 11th birthday.

To Jesus.

Saturday, July 25, 2009 9:47 PM CDT

Is it just two days before my son turns 11? I cannot believe how fast life flies by-good or bad, hard or easy, full or surface-life can be incredible.

Our summer has been a full one with many "catch-up" visits with long ago and far away friends. We had Cousin Lisa and her family one day, then the next Aunt Midge and Cousin Nancy and her two babes, David's birthday party which was a four hour tour of great boys.

But the highlight of Lee Drive has got to be when the "Circus" came to our yard. Memories of my childhood, great summer memories spent with Connie and Jack and their boys, JackIE and Dave. Now it is still Connie and Jack, but with JackIE, Amy and their girls. It was one of the best visits ever with them.

But now for a few major quiet family days before we fly Grandma back to the Golden State.

And celebrate David's 11th birthday.

To Jesus.

Monday, July 20, 2009 10:03 AM CDT

A week before David's 11th birthday will be celebrated with lots of boys, brackets, tournaments, cake, chicken, batiking flags, home made shields, and of course, DUCT TAPE!

Tomorrow we'll have dear friends visiting! Then we are OFF to California.

We continue our prayers for Laura. There is talk of moving to the floor for which we are most thankful, but we know she has many hurdles to pass.

It is amazing how the garden produced fruit without my help at all. I have had little time to work on the little garden, but now that I have takers on the flowers next spring; it is coming along. Gardening is such a lesson in patience.

A friend sent me two roses, one for Olivia and one for me. I have to say they are growing too, one was being eaten and hoping to rectify that this week once and for all!

Dave is working today. I had scheduled David's party on a Monday in hopes of his being here-opps! He switched to help a fellow coworker! But Dave's being home on Saturday and Sunday was a huge blessing and help. He was able to be helpful hands for those we love in their times of trouble and make a connection which would not have happened.

It just goes to show WHO is really running this show. . . and knows what is best.

Thankful.

Friday, July 17, 2009 5:45 AM CDT

We continue to pray for Laura and her family. They so need rest and strength. Please join us in praying for the doctors to have wisdom.

I'm praying that yesterday was the END of my tooth (teeth) story for a long time. It has been since end of January that something has been wrong. It was great to have mom here. I had no problem letting her be my nurse. When the kids got home I had the pleasure of snuggling with Olivia during a fun black and white movie. We learned a bit more about WWII. TMC is an awesome resource!

The next few days we'll be having some drive through family visits.
And then next week we'll celebrate our BOY's birthday-11 years old.
He is planning it all. Love it.

To Jesus!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 12:06 AM CDT

We ARE home for a bit before flying Grandma Lodgie back to California and staying for a long week. We are excited as Grandpa Jerry has two new babies-PUPPIES! BORDER COLLIE mix types, JACK and JILL adorable kinds.

Iron was a bust. Need to get to bat on that plus changing a few things here at home in terms of D & O care.

Seems as if there is always so much to do, but today we are praying for Laura.

She is in PICU and very sick.

To Jesus.

All.

Monday, July 13, 2009 9:24 PM CDT

Iron #3 today didn't go very well either. So, looks like we need to do some more investigation before we even consider this as a home gig.

We'll head home tomorrow after a stay here in Cincy.

Seeing long ago and far away friends was much needed.

To Jesus.

Thursday, July 9, 2009 1:22 AM CDT

We drew the drapes for a few days while the "boys" were gone, accomplished some to further the home kingdom, but mostly time spent in the moment.

Today, coffee was my friend. I remember a high school friend saying that-which is rather funny.

But it was. It raced my heart and we, my heart, mom, Dave, the kids and I all did so much which has needed to be "DONE" for months!

Speaking of hearts, I'm so glad Mom's was fixed in December. I'm in awe that I have both my parents. Tonight Mom and I sucked David into Bananagrams and after his beating us-he is addicted too! I am overtaken several times a day having mom here.

Dave and Olivia had a "campfire date" and earlier Olivia and Grandma played tea party.

It was too much for me to listen to them. Sometimes I'm so beyond thankful but today as they were playing I read that one of our friends lost her battle to Mitochondrial Disease. We met this lovely young lady at an Oley a few years back and Olivia and I so enjoyed our time spent with her and her mom and grandma.

Our family has been going in all sorts of different directions all summer. When we are home; we tend to lock down and focus on making our memories together. It is a luxury to be together as a family.

We are praying for Samantha's family.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009 2:08 PM CDT

Dear friends suggested the Wii for our family. I'm not much of a TV game player, but Olivia, Grandma and I played a lot yesterday. Today while I am "working/planning" the two girls are playing. It is so much fun to listen to-and to hear Olivia yell out, "There is David!" It was fun to play it for a bit yesterday too, Olivia felt the specialness of having her Mama playing along with her.

Mom, Olivia and I played Bananagrams too. Thanks to Steph and Kody I'm ADDICTED. I'll snatch Mom away sometime soon.

Continuation of MY story, the suggested root canal of a few months back is now in need of extraction. Time and money, scheme of things this is really not much to fret over, just aging of the mouth.

Dave and David are having a GREAT Webelos Resident Camp experience with our moderate temperatures. Dave has pals as well as David - so it is great. We girls get to play Wii, eat popcorn (well, not me now) watch movies, walk the dogs, nap, taking it easy before we head back up to Cincy for visiting with friends and iron infusions.

Time for some soft tofu and overcooked stir fried veggies-soft is the order of this mouth's day.

To Jesus.

Saturday, July 4, 2009 1:35 PM CDT

Fourth of July!

*A*M*E*R*I*C*A*

Olivia and I cut daisies and designed pretty homemade bouquets.

My little garden is producing more than any other I've attempted here. I am so thankful and looking forward to each year building.

It is a rainy 4th of July; I know many may be grumbling over it, but I am very thankful to not see the sun today-it seems too bright when I have much to do inside-and not much energy to have the outside as an option.

Yesterday while the kids, mom and I were sitting on the deck, Olivia stated that it seemed the sun was breathing! It did seem that way; as the clouds passed over in an inhale and when passed became the bright exhale. It was as if God Himself was breathing upon us.

To Jesus.

Friday, July 3, 2009 9:10 AM CDT

I know today would have been Matthew's 19th birthday; it is my Aunt's 76th birthday and the eve of the DeKold 4th of July.

Yesterday was a blur. Today seems promising to accomplish more than the basics! Yes!

Please pray for The Butterfly, one of our friends' just received a much needed ileostomy and there were complications, but seems she turned the corner.

To Jesus.

Thursday, July 2, 2009 2:49 AM CDT

So thankful to have Mom here. Six months ago she under went her open heart surgery, something we do not take lightly around here. I grew up in a house where no one could go to sleep unless everyone said they loved each other. Mom's "I love yous" are deeper. This is a monumental visit for sure.

We drove to Cincy today as Olivia had the first of 3 iron infusions plus her regular TPN clinic. David and Grandma hit the cafe for lunch while Olivia and I got settled at the TC. We had two wonderful nurses who were fun and ready to hear all about pseudo obstruction.

The infusion itself is not difficult and Olivia had some side effects but we found her side effects increasing as we were half way home. She never has extreme headaches but before that were the chills. She grew warmer as we got closer to home too. Just a little spice to add to the day.

We did a mini ER action when we got home. Dave had fluids ready and I did a cap change, hooked her up to fluids, cathed her, then vented her tummy really well. It is great how we all worked together, David included.

She and I are reading Pilgrim's Progress. My daughter loves allegories. We snuggled in (Dave had already read a few pages as I was doing quick research-hung out with the David and Grandma) and read.

Afterwards, Olivia spoke to her true feelings about a lot that is going on in her life.

A lot revolving around a little animal we call Velvet. How much this dog has brought to Olivia's world!

So thankful to be home and not in a hospital room. Olivia is experiencing new things which bring on some panic.

Time to regroup again.

Please join us in praying for The Butterfly who is having a big week. God is here.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009 8:30 AM CDT

J U L Y! WHAT? Is it just I or is time FLYING fast. . .

Praying for boldness to communicate what we hope for concerning Olivia's quality of life and care. IRON at home would make things a lot less complicated.

Today is a big day for a young girl. We've been thinking and praying for her.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 8:47 AM CDT

Coming into this visit with the Bell family I was ill prepared. Coming off of two very busy weeks which was great to be in the car driving - driving - driving. I love to drive.

It felt like we landed into a soft safe place. I love their home and all it stands for. I am inspired on so many fronts. Thank you again. And I'll say it again many more times. Looking forward.

Olivia loves Laura; and I pray Laura loves Olivia. These two girls are so alike but so different. Listening to their make believe play was priceless.

I am anxious to get the pictures together in a DVD.

And home is here. It is such blessing to have a home. A place where all your trinkets of this world lay, where your animals are housed, where you can draw the drapes to plan, rest and rethink.

We have clinic tomorrow with Dr. Kocoshis - the TPN (nutritional) doctor and as well, a DEXA scan and a 2 hour IRON infusion.

Nothing invasive but time consuming. Away from home. A day away a full day away.

My garden screams for my help before all the weeds strangle those trying to produce fruit for my family.

School is in need of planning a calendar for this next year.

Rooms of my house need to be shaken and swept clean.

Wondering aloud - I'm ready.

Good morning home.

Praying for our dear butterfly as she prepares and her Mama prepares yet again . . . to hand it over to The Mighty Creator.

To Jesus.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 0:47 AM CDT

Kiddos and I arrived at Grandma and Grandpa DeKold's in time for Father's Day dinner.

I so enjoyed sitting out on the front bench with Bert and Pete. I have a renewed sense of love for my in laws. Strange crisis can do that and this year has been full of them.

Papa Pete kept saying how he wanted to go inside, but kept him out with us, then I heard Grandma say "Pete, Pete" - it took me to that day with Steph and Kody. Bert is one calm cookie and it was not our first situation together. I called 911 and we waited 2 min and 36 sec until the ambulance arrived.

Now a few days later, Papa is home sporting a pace maker. Bless the DeKolds of St Louis and praying for rest of peace.

All of this rearranged our week, but for the best - God knew exactly what we all needed, Papa Pete needed a pacemaker, Dave needed to come see his parents and spend time with his boy, and I needed an extra day to do some needed shopping and rest for our L & O Friendship Conference.

And maybe, just maybe, Papa Virg really did need time with Charlie and our little Velvet. Thank you, Papa.

Thank you, Heavenly Father.

Our time here with the Bell family (minus their "boy"" has been revivingly special. Tonight the girls were coloring in "their room" sharing their "deep secrets" of life.

We've been showered with beautiful hospitality and friendship wrapped up into major memory making moments.

Our first evening we spent at a friend's home who not only has a beautiful swimming pool, but 6 absolutely ADORABLE 3 week old AUSTRALIAN MINI PUPPIES! God is so good. This friend also helped the girls design their OWN logo and is embroidering it on t shirts.

Today we drove to a children's museum which afforded great talking time, and on our arrival great moments of playing hide and seek and tag. These girls!

It has been a wonderful time for me to learn some new fresh meals, SLOW down and be inspired to be a better wife and mother.

Lots of pictures to follow.

As always, so bittersweet. For us to leave the Bells means to be present with Grandma Lodgie!

But tomorrow is two nights in a downtown hotel of OK City, a musical and lots of other wonderful treats.

Traveling mercies for Grandma Lodgie and Grandpa Jerry.

We continue to pray for our dear friend who has huge days before her and her daughter. Peace and hope is needed - please join me in praying for this friend and her daughter.

Sunday, June 21, 2009 8:39 AM CDT

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

I read from another friend how blessed she was that her husband, her daughter's daddy is 100ommitted to being a daddy despite all the INCREDIBLE challenges.

I want to say the same about Dave. He is an amazing man who became a dad and now learns each day more and more on how to be a dad. Love you, Dave.

And I am so thankful for my own Daddy and all that he did for me yesterday and today. I am truly blessed.

Excited to see Dave's Daddy today - ON FATHER'S DAY! What a dear you are, Papa PETE!

WE LOVE YOU DADDIES!

The last few weeks have been stepping stones to get to today it seemed. Each all in preparation for our being able to step out into the west.

Friday was Boys Book Club. I want to take a moment to memorize a bit of that day. Boys Book Club was my attempt to bring boys together for reading and creative responding to what they have read. We have been reading through the Chronicles of Narnia and we all have learned. A friend passed along a book which gives all sorts of good stuff about Narnia books so I decided to take a break from reading them to review over the books we've read thus far more in depth. BUT they were to be reading as much as possible and give a short commercial on one of their books. With how fast we've been living, David had not done his. He kept putting it off. I told him that I could not continue the BBC if he was not doing the assignments. He has been faithful thus far.

That boy went downstairs and typed his thoughts. When it came time for his reading I had his book in front of me. He did a great job, articulate and complete. Good job, David.

I love this time with the boys as they help me to understand how "they" tick. I had an art student there as well helping to organize which was fun because SHE loves Narnia and gave bunches of good input.

Upstairs one of the moms of the boys takes the girl siblings and works with them with a craft (she's done weaving and this past time Olivia taught the girls how to make yarn dolls).

It was a glorious day having kids running about with swords and a captive audience walking my gardens collecting samples for theirs.

Today we drive to St Louis where David will stay with his Grandma and Grandpa! I'm so excited for him to do this as it will be his first time staying with them alone. It will be a great week for all.

Olivia and I are excited to see the Bells. That is an understatement.

THEN Grandma Lodgie and Grandpa Jerry - back to St Louis for another short visit. . .

God is good.

I dreamed this morning about a friend whose daughter is going to have an ileostomy in early July. It was such a real dream - as if I were really there. Will you join me in praying for this beautiful butterfly and her mother?

To Jesus.

Saturday, June 20, 2009 0:58 AM CDT

Realms. There are so many in life.

Time to reset and think about next years art classes, co-ops, music lessons, keeping sure we hold closely to the home front as much as possible.

It is a good time for a long trip, to pray, think things through and prioritize.

We are so excited to see our friends in Oklahoma.

Thankfully we will be amongst friends.

Olivia most likely in a pseudo obstruction. Tomorrow will be a no eat day (praying she'll do it as she is off to a b-day party). I can't sleep tonight (still) as I listen to my little windmill outside chugging round and round as the wind builds. I heard Olivia call for me in need of a "pink pan" - could not find one fast enough so I took her something else.

She looks up after vomiting (this is what I love most about my girl) and says, "I was alerted." Then she goes on to give me play by play as to what it felt like in her own Olivia terms smiling all the while, grinning - at 1:30 AM after vomiting, her little nose shining from gotten too much sun the other day.

Tonight on our return, David still needed DUCT tape so he and I headed down the hill. We spoke about the different boys in his life right now. It was so interesting as I can see who he really is drawn to and why. Kindness.

One thing he said which I found to be very interesting was that he was so impressed that one little boy is his friend, likes him, even though he, David, is OLDER than this little friend. He said he loved how even this little boy's younger brothers liked him - "at least I hope they do!" But when I asked what he likes about different boys he said their kindness.

David is kind. It is exciting to see his growing into a young man as he learns to lead.

Tonight I noticed he had a bit of a limp. He was very active all afternoon and evening sword fighting with several boys, but when I asked him he said that his ankle hurts a lot, most days.

I've been a bit concerned about his foot posture for some time. Must get on that as soon as we are home.

Both D&O got their new glasses today. Olivia can once again see, and David has a second pair - handsome indeed.

And this is my point of view. . .

Saturday, June 20, 2009 0:33 AM CDT

Time to slow the pace WAY down.

Time to head west.

To Jesus.

Thursday, June 18, 2009 7:25 AM CDT

Time is an incredible factor in life.

Here it is mid to late June!

Trying to really live in the moment yet keeping my eye on the horizon as to what is to come has been a challenge. I don't know about my other Club Med frequent flyers, but it has taken me about until today to get back into the swing of sleeping correctly again.

We'll take a urine sample to make sure the ABX did their duty.

She looks a lot better, but we are counting down the days to her iron infusion(S). It works out perfectly with our official summer visit to Cincy, but we are going to plead the case of IRON AT HOME.

She needs it.

Olivia got a bit of color yesterday while outside so now she doesn't look very pale!

But I must take a break from the thoughts and events of today (cleaning house, flute lessons, art lessons) and skip forward a few days.

Sunday the kids and I will head out (Dave works on Father's Day - but has been well lavished upon for Father's Day!) to St Louis where Olivia and I will drop the boy off with Grandma and Grandpa DeKold! I'm so excited to do this as David has never spent time at his Grandparents' alone! He'll have plenty of books, violin, will take the key board, but mostly I hope he enjoys serving his Grandparents and THEIR needs.

Olivia and I after a sleep over there will head to OK City.

This is exciting for many many many reasons, but also because this is exactly what we did last summer on our great adventure, only we didn't stop in OK City and spend our days with dear friends.

We'll meet up with Laura Bell and have our very own MUCH needed "MINI OLEY" - Olivia is beyond excited. Her voice all year has been "I'll never see Laura again" as many times we'll meet someone at a conference but then they won't come back or they don't stay on TPN. Laura has spent 2 separate conferences with Laura, last year at San Diego being the most recent and I'll never forget.

Dave had so much fun in our neighbor's hammock the other night that the kids and I decided to treat him to one for Father's Day. After setting it up last night and folks play corn hole, Olivia and I were in the hammock.

She reminds me that hammocks are special. She and Miss Laura spent their last hours together in a hammock while all the other kids were in the pool. There in that special flying bed they shared their deepest thoughts about being who they are.

Our prayers to parents awaiting babies, children; friends fighting diseases, children hurting and needing medical intervention, and traveling mercies.

Sunday, June 14, 2009 5:37 AM CDT

The art show was a major success, not by my might!

Some of the highlighted pieces: linoleum blocks which were then printed multiple times to then make a whole new image; first time chalk pastels of classic still life; single objects painted as Georgia O'Keefe; advanced pieces which had pressed into new places having been inspired by a trip to the art museum. A student's students art display which exhibited to me mostly the maturity of the teacher. All amazing work. Then there were the flutists who have worked so hard on NUMEROUS pieces, I was blown away. Other musicians played for us and even an elementary artist drawing portraits of folks.

There were so many who helped to the tenth power which always blesses me.

One family in particular who over the last five years has never been too busy to be the hands and heart of the matter at hand. As I was getting ready yesterday morning I really examined what it was about this family and it boiled down to their not maxing out their schedule to leave room for. . .helping people.

The students are just a delight and one came to me giving me a drawing she did of me. She's been with me four years and not the biggest fan of "making" art but always does a great work in writing and directing a short art play. This young lady poured out her appreciation and I giving her a hug - she clung to me and well, that is what it is all about. It seems so cliche - but it is about those differences one can make in a child, a family - a life.

So, onward we press. I will give it all back to Jesus. He authored it from the beginning. He put it in my heart as a second grader. It has just been a fun journey of the different types of teacher I've been - the venues - all so different. Now, running on 28 years, starting as a high schooler giving flute lessons, to oh well, no need to run into all that.

After all, Olivia had a wonderful day, both kids did.

Afterwards we had to be together as a family alone. It had been too long with Olivia's surprise visit to Cincy last weekend and David spending time at Papa's. So we did something that we have not done in a very long time. We had dinner and a movie! Dinner was a long the Ohio River and the movie was over in Louisville.

We saw Up.

"It was the best movie I've ever seen." - Olivia.

To me I felt like my heart had been thrown out of my chest and stomped on. It was an amazing flick with lots of good things to see over and over again.

Highly recommended.

Today we'll continue our family time with family church and house reconstruction. We are celebrating Daddy's Dad since we'll be gone next Sunday and Dave works on Father's Day.

Fullness.

Thankfulness.

Now to rest up for the next amazing trip.

Saturday, June 13, 2009 6:02 AM CDT

Glances Forward and Backward

The annual art show for me is an opportunity to look back into a "school" year of meeting with students.

And what a school year it has been. To be honest, (as Olivia always says) I'd like to put this school year to rest. It all started back in August with a dear friend and a crisis she underwent, then our September, which in reality ended up being almost to our January, overlapped with Grandma's December. The tooth pain and ice storm, another friend's diagnosis, Papa's surgery and Mom's healing.

So, there are times I need to be in my cave, mustering up the song which I know will carry me through.

Thank you for pointing me to Psalms. It is so true that King David is such a great example in these kind of days.

Interesting.

So, today is a day of remembering the year. It just happens that way when you take a year worth of work and display it for all to see.

Thankful.

Monday, June 8, 2009 6:25 AM CDT

Glances Back

Hindsight is such an amazing tool to plummet oneself!

Equations are something Olivia has mastered this year in 3rd grade math. At first, she struggled with the how. Now, as we call her "Equation Girl" does well.

It seems as caregivers the variables were all the same, just in a different order, or masked by our recent past factors.

Other than being a bit dizzy and tired, Olivia is happier than happy to be home. David is off at Papa's helping him and spending time with his Grandpa, so Olivia called David last night and sang many different made up silly songs to him.

Working on getting house in working order and tomorrow will be art show mania with a little help from friends it'll come together. Not by my power or might, but His.

A Glance Inside

Olivia and I (mostly) have been listening to C. S. Lewis' The Horse and His Boy drama presentation by Focus on the Family. There is a portion there she and I love to hear over and over where Aslan tells "Shasta" that it is only Shasta's story he (Aslan) will tell Shasta.

So, here, I can only truly tell my story, not Olivia's.

God is such a great Father. Our Saturday prior to coming here was thick with troubles but the incredible encouraging blessings outweigh and determined the fruit!

We got to share some plants with friends, had our cable/internet/phone cut off because I didn't call our company to determine where the line was, but in the midst of it, Miss Donna came out for a visit and the Insight repair/splicer of lines was a very nice young man. We got to touch his life and he ours.

But earlier Olivia's pain was not better, but worse and even though I kept trying to stuff it into that never never hole; there we were driving to Jacob's graduation party together, alone, because David was going to ride with a friend there. As to stand face to face looking into a mirror, Olivia and I began our discourse as to what to do about this. She is a delight, there was conflict in our afternoon already with her Keeper's picnic at the same time of which she did not feel comfortable going with just her and David for a few hours until I could come.

So, there we had time with friends enjoying the setting of beautiful mature trees, a fishing pond and FRIED chicken.

It was a test. Olivia fished (catching more fish than she ever has!) but her head off to the side and hitting the wall. After a long pep talk a call to Cincy's GI we were off.

We met Daddy at home where he gave us the "new car" which made the trip FUN for us girls. Olivia was not in any kind of emergent place so we had room to enjoy the ride.

Arriving to the ED (emergency department as it is called here) police car lights flashing and a long line awaited us. As one of the mom's I know who has been here for 2 months said, "Oh, you saw the gun and knife show in ED!" Oh my, yes!

I'm thankful for iPods so Olivia can continue to be in Narnia while we camped in the land of the lost.

After 9 hours in ED, Olivia was in her bed, well, I was too with one of our favorite trusted nurses asking me the 1001 questions they do upon admittance. I fell asleep in between each and slept through rounds, but Dr. F came back and sat with us and talked arriving at the same conclusion I had.

Olivia hasn't had a UTI in well over a year! This is great news! But it also slipped off my radar as to what could have been causing this - I assumed it was her "obstructive" pain, which is different from the "just ate" pain all which do not consume her or require any intervention at this time.

We got to have a girl night watching the next two movies in the Love Comes Softly series. These were SUCH a breath of FRESH air in the midst of all the pop culture and empty entertainment which permeates this place.

So the bug still sleeps (the mouth wide open kind of sleep) and we await to see our Dr. Kaul during rounds (which is always too short of a visit) and maybe hopefully, Nurse G.? So we can work on our travel plans South.

Papa will have David this week so he can work him GOOD and hard down on the farm, while Olivia and I press forward to this Friday and Saturday - Art Show.

He has the WHOLE world in His Hands.

Sunday, June 7, 2009 9:17 AM CDT

Olivia's had an off and on side flank pain for a little over a week. Everything else seems to be working except for this pain, but yesterday on the way to do our Saturday, Olivia seemed more troubled than ever over it and she and I decided it was time to take a look.

Long doesn't come close to the night last night, but we survived over to the daylight and awaiting to talk with the GI attending.

It does appear she has UTI which could very well be the culprit but I want more info on X Ray taken last night. We'll see Dr. Kaul tomorrow and hopefully get home tomorrow - that is MY goal.

Other than being a bit bruised emotionally and exhausted. . .she is hanging in there.

Thankful for West Coast Family and Friends who can talk me out of the trees and into the wide open spaces!

Sh

Wednesday, June 3, 2009 8:40 AM CDT

The morning romp is always a show with Charlie, Velvet, and Izza all trouncing and bouncing around the floor.

I find it so funny how people are so prejudice. The Chihuahua is a delightful creature and I could not even imagine our life without one now.

Mr. Wings has been enjoying his cage on the deck; he and Mr. Bluejay have been conversing.

A pure home day except for an early evening trip to the vet for the "dogs" which is always a great field trip.

Pressing on. . .

Sunday, May 31, 2009 9:47 PM CDT

"Then why don't you come and visit me?"

Great point. My pleasure and privilege.

Saturday was one of the best days I have had in a long time. There are people who you can not be around for what seems years and when you finally reconnect it is as if you saw them yesterday.

Kody was a delight. Some of the things he said and asked still make me giggle out loud. He made a HUGE impression on Olivia and it was beyond great for her to open up and really let herself go around our friends.

I continue to be so amazed by how "these" kids continue to teach me so much about strength, fortitude, bravery, flexibility, hunger (and I'm not talking food), love, laughter, and. . .

how long four minutes can be.

I was reminded, too, as to what a mother's love accomplishes.

Olivia and I drove around Clifton, down Vine Street, around downtown and over to Covington where we took in an evening walk. She admitted she was concerned the day would be a dark room, a sleeping boy and whispers!

It was one of those days I want to tuck away here to remember, that indeed it was a bright room, with a very talkative boy and laughter.

. . .

Thank you.

Friday, May 29, 2009 10:58 PM CDT

Please pray for Grandma Lodgie as she has a staph infection in one of her "wounds" - we are determined to NOT let this stand in the way of a visit this June.

June. It is so close to being here.

I wish I knew what to think about Olivia's ups and downs as of late. This is one of the most important parts of the year for me as teacher and I could easily keep my head and heart in the paint tucked away, but we are opting for a more proactive mode.

After firing off an email to the doctor we now await when "they" can schedule a visit to "examine" Olivia and we can discuss alternatives to her getting much needed iron. But first, I will probe again as what kind of examination will take place.

Our days are simple and when I passed by my make shift vegetable garden and saw the green beans all standing alert dressed with more than one leaf - joy.

Returning a lost kitten to a neighbor was a highlight as well.

But alas, our Olivia, strong and brave was quiet and clearly bothered by the fact she needed and wanted to change out her J tube. As she and I grabbled with the process, I wondered how it would play out, our relationship, my daughter's and mine. Will she blame me, love me, abhor me, cling to me, grow from me, appreciate me, honor me?

We have our moments during such times, David, bless his heart had already played every one of his violin songs and was moving to piano/keyboard, trying out different sounds for different songs.

After all is said and done, Olivia is back to being the Sunshine of this house and we talk it through, say our "sorrys" and as she said before she fell asleep,

"I love you, Mama, always will, forever."

Lord, Keep her.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009 7:04 AM CDT

Love you, Papa! Papa gets the staples out Wednesday and will be back to mowing before he knows it.

Olivia seems to be having more obstructive modes as of late with pains in her side. We are "due" back in June, but still no word on our Nurse G. Please pray for her return if it is to be. I have several concerns which I would love to pass through her.

We clocked our bike ride last night coming home from violin and Olivia's longest bike ride was 3.4 mi. And if you know the roads up here - there are some pretty steep roller coastery kind of stretches! With that she and I have made a new goal after completing this a few more times.

We are looking forward to our time to visit our friends in Oklahoma and picking up Grandma LODGIE and seeing GRANDPA JERRY! This all is indeed full life kind of moments. Olivia was determined that she should never see Laura again, please pray that this will not be the case but we will see our friends again and have a reunion to start the summer!

I have to mention that I read Melody Green's _No Compromise_ which broke my heart many times in reading it. Was good. Meanwhile the kids and I are relistening to Chronicles of Narnia; and I read _The Horse and His Boy_ - All good readings and I highly recommend for deep discussions.

Olivia is reading Pilgrim's Progress and she asked who I was in the story! We finally had a great re cap of Rossini's "Cinderella" (opera) that we saw live stream in a movie theater a few weeks back. I love her heart and head.

Dave's mom after spending time with Olivia said there is one word to describe Olivia and that is "love." I have to agree. I said one day while driving that obnoxious people frustrate me. She reminded me that we need to love them too!

She is growing; learning, living. . .we are excited about the new changes taking place, but apprehensive over the hidden physical changes which may or may not be happening.

Turning it over,
To Jesus!

Saturday, May 23, 2009 8:37 AM CDT

We made it through the week.

Will need to take it easy today for many reasons, but am thankful this week is over.

Thursday, May 21, 2009 5:34 AM CDT

Some days are hard, aren't they?

Olivia was blown away by the depth in testing and how it was administered didn't help. Allowing students to leave as they finished only added major stress to the ones left behind.

I've strong opinions on this having given many of these types of tests. So, I'll leave it right there.

Thankfully we had a scheduled visit with friends and much of the anxiety and stress was taken away.

Olivia and I took the longest bike ride ever last night which was a good releaser of stresses too! I love how she would start out telling me bits from the day. . .
"to tell you the truth, Mama" was how she would begin and then tell more of how she felt and how it played out.

I then was afforded a long walk with my friend, thank you, God.

Two more days, she can do it; I gave her the option to leave a portion undone. I push my kids to fruition, but when there is obviously something really amiss, uh, no.

So we listened to Horse and His Boy and all was well at the end of yesterday, but would appreciate prayers for her day.

We have so many people in need of prayers, dear friends in Loveland, to friends here who are being diagnosed with cancer, battling it and always for our friends who live daily with the challenges of being different in a different way.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 6:20 AM CDT

Standford Achievement Testing!

That is on our docket this week with some fun stuff here and there. It will be interesting to see how Olivia does with all of this. She thinks it is going to be FUN FUN FUN (as David LOVES testing week).

So a full week, PAPA is doing well!

Thank you for your prayers.

Sunday, May 17, 2009 7:32 AM CDT

It is nice to be home here with Papa.

Dave and the kids are in STL visiting his parents.

We had a nice visit from Taam ka Baam Baam last night which really topped off a great day. When people come here any more we head to the big table and make art. I was able to finish a little Edward Hopperian painting while Taam worked on a lino print. Papa came down and they got to talk their TV shows. It was a very nice time. Thank you, Taam Bam for being a good girl; you brought sunshine to us!

I've spent my time out planning, digging, sculpting the landscape without interruptions and having plenty of time to really think through what I'm trying to accomplish. It is good, but thankful, my family will return tomorrow. And very thankful Papa is feeling well and is here close to me.

Olivia is growing in so many ways. We have a neighbor girl who has been seeking Olivia for some time. A few weekends ago, I fought the battle of lawn mower gone bad and lost. Our neighbors came out and mowed the lawn while we were out back--had no idea until after they were gone. So, Dave went to thank them and gave opportunity for the girls to really meet.

We were having one of our DeKold deck time and Olivia was across the way playing. When she returned, the very first thing out of her mouth was,

"She liked me! I didn't think she would like me."

Dave and I poured over her and I know this is a very typical for kids, but we knew she was talking between the words.

We were thankful and we talked about this little friend's own stuff she deals with, like divorced parents and living out of 3 different homes.

We all have our stuff.

Olivia is excited to have someone she can invite to church or ride bikes with, play Barbies on a spur. And her mom is a registered nurse!

So, that is big news for us, Olivia has been riding her bike a lot, has become equation girl, mosaic maker, and has been fiddling with the flute again.

Home is a wonderful place to be.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 5:36 PM CDT

HOME again, HOME again, JIGGITY JIG!

Papa was released before noon today and he is here with us recovering. He did really well with the surgery and hopefully will feel much better having taken that diseased gall bladder out and the big stone to boot.

Kids are plugging along in their assignment books and turning the pages in their workbooks!

Next week we'll take some time off due to Standford Achievement Testing.

Dave and the kids will head out Friday to St Louis visiting family there. They are so excited to see everyone.

So, Papa and I are going to hang out here and I'm hoping to work in my gardens and make some definite plans for June.

Pressing on!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 11:55 PM CDT

Papa's surgery went very well and I left him this evening after he had taken a walk. Praying he can be taken home (to our house) tomorrow.

I love being with my Dad.

Dave is off so kids stayed home with him.

To Jesus.

Monday, May 11, 2009 8:31 PM CDT

Today was one of those days I must record.

Olivia's flight.

It was priceless.

I'm so thankful for God's way of providing. . .despite the hard places.

Sunday, May 10, 2009 3:40 PM CDT

These kind of days are strange. Bittersweet. I think of so many without mothers, or women without children.

I stood outside David's bedroom door to listen to my children play. It is a verbal dance between them. Keeping in step with one another imaginations flying.

Missing my own mother, but as she said, for us, every day is Mother's Day.

Looking forward to being with her soon!

Thursday, May 7, 2009 11:21 PM CDT

The stretch feels wide and long.

May is here.

I just lift my hands.

He is the Mighty Conductor.

Be it the train on the track or baton waving cuing all the different players.

How fast, how slow, quietly or shout.

Whistle a whistle in my heart calling me to obedience.

Tapping a new rhythm in the depths of my soul.

It is time.

and

It is all right.

Thursday, May 7, 2009 8:36 AM CDT

We've had many days of clouds and drizzle and sometimes rain.

Thank you for being our friends.

To Jesus.

Monday, May 4, 2009 9:28 PM CDT

Olivia is doing well.

Still waiting to hear from Papa's surgeon. We can't wait to have Papa here to be all ours.

Am ready for end of June to see Grandma Lodgie and Grandpa Jerry. . .Bells, GRANDMA and Grandpa in St Louis. . .

Feeling very homesick for Cincy lately, not CCHMC, but CINCY the town. So enjoyed being there last month.

Pressing on,
TO Jesus.

Sunday, May 3, 2009 2:19 PM CDT

God is orchestrating it all. Jan's chemo will most likely be at the hospital this week. We pray so as she is too weak to go home.

Olivia and I had a quiet visit with her today as she was not well.

Many precious moments logged into our hearts.

Sunday, May 3, 2009 9:11 AM CDT

We've been logging time down at Floyd with Jan. We are all fighting over time with her which is such a blessing. This morning I said, ah, another rainy day, and Olivia said, yes, but that will not keep us from seeing Jan.

Olivia insisted we hang her TPN on Jan's pole and she could sleep right there next to her; she would be the "2nd patient". . .

Hey, whatever it takes to make people smile.

My heart is breaking in pieces, but God is right here.

Saturday, May 2, 2009 7:32 AM CDT

I shall update and thank you for your prayers.

Olivia seems to have slid out of her obstruction flare, but is exhausted, but from good things.

When she awoke this morning she stated that she 'loved her Saturdays" and will spend some good portion of the morning watching her little shows, resting and being hydrated.

Happy Birthday, JORDIE!

Praying for Jan Whittenberg!

Friday, May 1, 2009 7:21 AM CDT

Yesterday was a pseudo obstruction kind of day. Having reviewed capitalization yesterday, I was reminded that you do NOT capitalize diseases or disorders. Whoever decided that may have shown wisdom. It is hard NOT to make it paramount, but some days pseudo obstruction feels more like PSEUDO OBSTRUCTION.

Olivia's abdomen was good every where but "where my gall bladder was" and in essence to me, that is more like "where the perforated bowel was/is"--

So, we will see what we can do today to keep her comfortable and moving forward.

She and I had some good time last night alone and she disclosed to me some of her concerns over not having Nurse Gerry, today's activities, and at the end of the day she said, "you know, mom, nights are always hard for me"--

Every night her tummy hurts.

So today, will be a day of unlocking the doors which out of fear, pain and anxiety may have been sealed tightly yesterday. . .will be opened and aired out all the more.

We continue our prayers for our dear Jan; she seemed to have a good day yesterday and is one strong trooper.

To Jesus.

Thursday, April 30, 2009 6:00 AM CDT

It is Thursday the last day of April.

The week started out with piano recital. Papa Virg and Taam were able to join Dave and me at the recital. David did wonderfully on both pieces, Olivia had great moments and had that piano recital in which one is lost in the piece! It was adorable and Dave and I knew that it would be interesting since she hadn't practiced all last week due to being sick with allergy type stuff.

It is always a good time.

Olivia hasn't a competitive bone in her body so that makes for interesting times with a brother who has many!

I know as a younger sister I was my brother's biggest fan (still part of his fan club).

I had time with my Dad who is waiting to get the date for his gall bladder surgery. We are anxious for that to happen and have him here during his recovery as he makes our house all the fuller in such great ways.

Was also able to spend time with our dear friend Jan who we are hoping will be released to her home this weekend after a short stay in the hospital.

The kids were able to see her as well which was so good for everyone. She showed Olivia her G Tube, port, etc. and Olivia was telling me all about it last night. Jan is one of her "Fellow Citizens" as she calls folks who have "stuff". . . And Olivia is determined for Jan to see Velvet.

Huge good things are happening with Olivia sharing about her "stuff" with her peers without my even saying a word about it. She told me she shared with her friend "Her Deep Secrets" which means she told her about "G & J, ostomy and CLINE" as we call them.

So, a day at home is in order, full day of school. We've been studying the human body all year and entering into the Five Senses and have found some fun experiments to show.

Thankful Dave is OFF this weekend so we can finish a few projects, maybe ride bikes and work on my Victory in Jesus Garden.

Love to all.

For Him.

Sunday, April 26, 2009 9:46 PM CDT

What a wonderful day it has been.

Maybe I should be Amish. Don't they value family and home time?

Being different, I adhere to the idea of not "making" every day the church doors are open concept, and KNOW people who cannot "do" this.

There was a time in my life in which I was there, but in pacing the race to see Jesus' Face; I cannot do it.

Wonder what it means for David as he would be the avid Sunday school attender, but I cannot not keep up with stars on a chart--it is about pacing the race.

I love growing old because (as my already older than I husband states) one becomes ready to say the truth as one knows it to be true.

Love you, Papa.

Olivia received a phone call today. What a blessing to have another pursuing her in such a way.

So, we rattled around this spring filled palace, had a friend over, cleaned up, and mysteriously had a neighbor mow our lawn. . .I think of my Lord being about His Father's Business on such a day as this and am blessed.

Know this day that He is here.

and Loves you. . .

To Jesus.

Clinging to Jesus.

Sunday, April 26, 2009 8:11 AM CDT

We had a wonderful time at The Races with Olivia's homecare company yesterday! Dave was unable to be off so we took Taam Bam. It was a field trip and a half. Sky Terrace was a great venue as we could be inside or out. It was a GORGEOUS day.

SO--HERE IS YOUR CB PICTURE TAMMY the PHARMACIST! IT was GREAT TO "MEET" YOU and spend time with you--THANK YOU for taking great care of my BABY! :)

Was a good time meeting face to face a lot of the KY office and all the folks who prepare Olivia's TPN and gather all her supplies.

Nope, didn't bet on any of the horses.

Our prayers are with dear our precious friend Jan Whittenberg. She is such an amazing friend to not just me, but to Dave, David and Olivia. Her help during our September crisis, just being there to bounce off concerns of this world but most of all she is one of the most encouraging people I have ever known. She has pneumonia and is battling lung cancer.

She is the friend, grandmother, mother, aunt, HANDS AND HEART OF GOD TO SO MANY. She knows just about everyone in this area on a real basis. She walks it and for Dave, David, Olivia and me who love their family but isn't geographically blessed to have them close--Jan Whittenberg is one of the best God Family there is.

About three weeks ago, I called her. It was a life altering conversation I will hold dear to my heart for all the days of my life on earth. I'm not a word master but maybe I can put it into a painting using colors, shapes even images.

Just Jesus.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 7:27 AM CDT

Both kids have progressed into the productive loud and scary kind of cough.

Neither looks too good in my opinion.

Today is Olivia's major surgery anniversary! It has been 7 years that she had her life giving surgery. Two tubes, ileostomy and TPN dependent.

It is also the day 5 years ago that our Matthew passed away from battling Fanconi Anemia. I meet Matthew's mom while at the tail end of the major surgery stay. Matthew was my friend and I am so thankful for the time I took to be with him. He gave us his bunny Cadbury and one of my last visits to him I took Cadbury up to see Matthew again.

Please pray today for those left behind on this earth without their beloved child.

Love to all and peace from the One Who can only give it.

Monday, April 20, 2009 10:26 AM CDT

9 years old!

Olivia is 9 years old today.

What an incredible, terrible, wonderful year it has been.

To God be all the GLORY-it is THROUGH Him and HIM alone.

Saturday, April 18, 2009 9:23 PM CDT

Days are ticking by so fast; I feel like I'm still in February.

Two days Olivia will officially be 9 years old. We've celebrated her birthday while we were in Cincinnati with swimming, cheese cake and basic hotel fun.

Now time to gear up for end of Scouts and this school year (well, for some people--we'll be going until, uh, hmmm . . . 2015?

All for Him.

Thursday, April 16, 2009 0:00 AM CDT

Good home days; we've had visitors which helped make this week a bit celebratory of a school break.

The sun has not shined much and has been missed.

Tonight Olivia and I went to church and afterwards to pick up a bathing suit.

She scolded the suits as to their fit around her tubes which was rather comical.

So fitted with a suit, googles and new tenny runners, Olivia is ready. I'm praying some good swim time will do some much needed healing on her J tube.

So off to Cincinnati without a stop or stay at CCHMC. Strangely great.

Praying for Grandparents and Dears near and far.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 11:51 PM CDT

We are taking a "spring break" from our regular school kind of days.

David and Olivia are excited about our mini trip to Cincy for a homeschooling convention. It is our celebration too, of Olivia's 9th birthday. Hoping to let her splash in the hotel's pool which was part of the reason we are going. She so loves the water but I don't feel comfortable going to a "teaching" pool.

Dave is off this week so we've been playing RISK so David is very happy.

Really, just trying to keep on top of life in general and heavily burdened for a few friends who are going through major hard life.

Thank you for being our friends.

Sunday, April 12, 2009 11:07 PM CDT

So thankful for this day.

Many many many blessings.

Olivia is doing well; we all are and enjoying having Papa here with us.

My computer is not well; I'll keep things brief and won't be on email much until it is better.

We head up to Cincy this week and look forward to learning more about what is out there for homeschoolers.

Know you are loved.

Saturday, April 4, 2009 7:28 AM CDT

I had told a friend that Olivia has been inpatient either in February or March of each year. And she reminded me yesterday - it is APRIL! We made it.

April holds a lot in store. We have the upcoming week which is so very important. The symbolic Last Supper and Good Friday services at church are probably my most favorite of the whole year. The kids and I are reading through the last days of Jesus' time on earth - reading each account from the Gospels. It has made this week so rich. The Crown of Thorns plant we have has bright red blooms on it right now. Nothing but the blood.

After Easter we'll head to Cincy for the Midwest Home Schooling Convention. We'll have a day with Olivia's home care company here in Louisville for a visit, David's Blue and Gold, Olivia's birthday and PIANO recital! WHEW! April can be a big month but so looking forward to the many opportunities.

Somewhere in there Papa will need his gall bladder taken out. Seems silly, but looking forward to that as we'll hold him captive.

Velvet the Chihuahua puppy continues to grow ever so slightly; she is a tiny mite. It has been such a great learning curve to have her here. She completes our zoo and makes our family smile. She and Izza have become friends in a round about way.

A silly cat report (We tease Papa about his cat reports): I have two doors in the school closet. One has the more fine art supplies the other crafts. The craft door was left open and looks like the pipe cleaners fell. We have them EVERYWHERE now. IzzaBELLA carries them around and now Velvet plays with them. So make a note; pipe cleaners are a cheap easy toy for puppies and cats. Izza was playing with one downstairs last night and when I saw it I thought it was a SNAKE! Made me think of the snake story of September after the storm and friends found a tiny snake in our basement.

Ah, the joys of owning a mini zoo.

Keeps us hopping.

We continue to pray for our dear friends near and far who are struggling and "waiting on God". . .so thankful they have Jesus.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009 7:04 PM CDT

March is almost gone, finished.

This school year has vanished as well.

Olivia was a delight as she sat listening to a brother and sister who are teens banter back and forth in good fun after art tonight. She even called one a "fellow citizen" her new name for those who are like her.

David made mashed potatoes for dinner tonight.

Dave had a nice time away for lunch with his friends.

Olivia continues to do well despite little "flares" here and there. I tend to not be one who verbalizes blessings to people (I say it in my head but forget to SAY it outloud) and in a study we are doing I realized that.

I think as a mom, caregiver to Olivia I try to NOT look at all the tiny details daily, for my own sanity, but know too, that Olivia does need someone who will point out the facts, encourage her and validate those details.

I'm so thankful for all who have been a part of encourage and validate Olivia.

Looking forward to spending time with Grandparents is always a great start.

To Jesus!

Sunday, March 29, 2009 12:58 AM CDT

Wonderful day of worship.

The message prompted revisiting Olivia's September hospital stay, time. Olivia, of course does not remember anything.

It is precious to think of how far she has come, all of us! It is through the GRACE of God.

We are praying for dear friends far and near.

To Jesus.

Thursday, March 26, 2009 2:18 PM CDT

Was talking with a friend the other day about the fact I'm in awe that Spring is here.

This winter seemed so - hard! Spring's display is here.

Indeed Olivia is doing well. No obstructions as of late and we count that as a blessing.

This week is a slow and calm week.

Prayerfully.

Sunday, March 22, 2009 5:30 PM CDT

So we made it through the week.

I used to think Sunday was the first day of the week, but like to think of it as the Creation week with Sunday being the day of rest, of doing things which are good for being quiet, resting, alone with God.

Mowing is that sort of thing, working with my hands, gardening, painting, even cleaning, but no cleaning today, just picking up and mowing the front from the storms of this year. David boy was the one who prodded us into it and glad he did. Was good to get fresh air, and quiet time with loud sounds.

Velvet the Chihuahua has become muc of the center of attention at times; she is a favorite of us all and even Charlie too. SO thankful as she put the house into a balance for Charlie for all of us.

Tomorrow is big; Papa visit his surgeon to hear about gall bladder and I feel like I've been nesting getting ready for it as I'm hoping he'll come and stay with us again.

I'll get my first "crown" tomorrow! We have only violin lessons tomorrow and that is it so it will make for a good down and quiet day.

Am I getting old or what? I seems to relish those days more than any others.

The deck is cleaned and ready for grilling and sitting out there. Am hoping to do some art out there this week while the weather is bEEEEUUUUTTTTEEEEFFFFUl.

Olivia has had good days since that obstructive night. Everyone is happy and growing; it is the public school's spring break - but we'll opt for later in April by O's birthday when we go to Cincy for a HS convention as we are saving to spend TWO nights there. Exciting as Olivia can swim.

Praying TO JESUS!

Thursday, March 19, 2009 9:20 AM CDT

The rain through the night was so soothing; and to see a blue sky this morn is a blessing.

Olivia had a major obstruction Tuesday night which almost had us driving to Cincinnati. It was heart wrenching to see her in such acute strange pain again. The bowel was visible over her bladder and made it impossible for her the void. Dave vented her G tube (stomach) with a syringe which gave enough relief that she fell asleep and we all snuggled in, prayed and asked God to take over for that moment.

She awoke with the obstruction over! Dave kept watch and saw things were moving and there was no more of that acute pain.

Several times yesterday Olivia asked what happened, what was really wrong?

To say I was thankful we didn't have hit the hospital would be the understandment of the year. Yesterday was one of the very few days we've had home with nothing going on, but our family.

Something that next year there will far more of - period.

I'm realizing my limitations (to whose standard?) and know my worth is not based upon certain achievements.

Back to the basics, something our overall society doesn't value.

But I know we do, and more than that, God does.

and always,

TO JESUS.

Sunday, March 15, 2009 8:14 AM CDT

It is strange how one learns more about themselves through their children.

David has grown quiet over the last few months when Grandma Lodgie is brought up, during Papa's visit here and two dear friends here in our life.

It all became apparent as we prayed over the 'prayer blanket' when I heard David put to words to His Father.

Bless his heart. First his sister, where he saw his Papa Virg cry and pray, then the waiting and recovery. Then Grandma Lodgie's surgery, recovery, my leaving to be with her but still. Papa Virg coming here, not knowing what makes him so tired and how his body is working. All during this time we've been waiting to hear about one of David's dear friends as to what is "wrong" with her and now another dear who is fighting cancer.

Thursday night was a ball of sadness. Friday was an all day art class and Saturday so tired.

So glad David and Papa went home to their kind of normalacy. They both needed that.

Then Saturday Dave worked and my dear brother called. We talked. So thankful. I realized that unknown does pull us away from those who are hurting.

Following Jesus Christ I have the HOPE of Glory. That never ceases. It is the suffering, the being left behind that happens to husbands and wives, mothers and daddys, grand parents, brothers and sisters. That is sorrow.

But keep our minds on Heaven, on what Jesus did and has done and IS doing.

Conquering death.

Olivia tends to roll with it, almost like her Daddy does, David mirrors his Mama.

My face hurts again. I hold all my concerns, stress, and burdens right there and try to grind them there instead of leaving them at His Feet.

Forgive me Father. Help me to desire your help and accept it and press forward to serve Your Precious Ones best.

To Jesus

Saturday, March 14, 2009 10:15 AM CDT

Papa is home with David! This is good for BOTH of them; YES, I MISS YOU PAPA!

We have friends in need of prayer.

Olivia is doing well.

Thursday, March 12, 2009 7:29 PM CDT

Major life.

Papa will go home tomorrow with David boy. I'll run up this weekend to gather David back home.

Pretty speechless at this point with life's hard balls being thrown.

Olivia is doing fine.

Praying.

Sunday, March 8, 2009 1:22 PM CDT

Papa seems to be on the UP swing!

We had a nice drive up to his house yesterday to check on things. Olivia and I took Velvet pup and Charlie dog. It was a warm WINDY day and both furry creatures enjoyed themselves.

Olivia did the vomit thing the entire way home.

Velvet pup is a blessing, has changed the makeup of our house as any new creature will.

So tomorrow she'll ride up with me to take Papa to his DR appointment.

Praying for our dears close and far who are being buffeted from every angle.

TO JESUS.

Thursday, March 5, 2009 6:05 PM CST

Home from clinic.

Long day to say the least.

Nurse Gerry is still out with a very severe broken ankle; this is a woman who is in top physical shape so it is a bit discouraging to not see her in clinic.

Dr. K had another Dr. with him. Dr. New Guy will be studying over several over Dr. K's patients as well--so that was another change.

Not sure what I think about that.

Olivia has a low grade fever, pale and glassy eyed. We both were not into the thought of what all that could mean--especially with a baby pup at home who needs her and a PAPA who is STILL NOT up to his baseline.

The winds outside our home are very strong STILL--we've had major damage from the ice/wind storms and our roof is sick as well.

We signed the kids up for Science Fair again this year--this will HOPEFULLY be their FIRST time participating as Feb/March tends to be in patient times.

I personally am ready for it to be over--and hunker down again to get my girl feeling better.

I asked for blood cultures and urine to be sent--so that is done.

Now to wait.

Small hills.

We have several friends on the firing line. . .Our Hope is in HIM.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009 7:38 PM CST

Yes, she is here. She is a tiny mite of 6.5 weeks. Gulp. Glad I'm on the Chi Yahoo group to learn more about these creatures.

Olivia has been so great with her. She knows there are guidelines to follow or she will not have her baby Chi as she NEEDS us to take very close and careful care.

Olivia is so in tuned with her and hates to leave her. So thankful for the gift that animals provide.

So our family finally feels complete. This pup has provided a new perspective that I had prayed would show David and Olivia.

Papa is still here; not his self at all. I love having him here. He helped Olivia with math and reading today. Such a huge blessing.

We will be home tomorrow to hopefully see PAPA get stronger and then off to clinic on Thursday.

We had a short visit with Aunt Becca yesterday which was good. So thankful she has relief from the pain of many many months.

Pressing on. . .

To Jesus' Face.

Saturday, February 28, 2009 6:12 PM CST

PAPA Virg is a flare so the kids and I ran up to snatch him home with us today.

He is resting.

We are thankful to hear Aunt Becca seem to feel better from her surgery today.

Thankful for Grace.

Friday, February 27, 2009 9:19 PM CST

Little girl has the cold. . .and lingering so we are staying in tomorrow AM.

We have clinic this week hoping it is a jaunt up and back and fast!:)

Thursday, February 26, 2009 10:47 PM CST

A nice visit from out of town homeschooling friends was just good stuff. Wonderful family whose daughter also sees Dr. K.

Olivia LOVED the teenage girls (who wouldn't!) as they were genuinely kind and know how to love.

That is one of my most favorite attributes of teens these days who have stepped out of themselves. The fruit of the Spirit is breathtakingly beautiful.

ENCOURAGING to see and experience.

Olivia did say, I just don't think I can handle any more visitors for a while. . .it hurts too much when they leave!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TO JESUS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

To the One who will never leave nor forsake us.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 7:25 AM CST

As I wrote on my student's books yesterday I gulped--March is fast approaching. And most of us here in Southern Indiana are amazed especially having had the storms we had--this truly has been a strange winter.

Call me crazy, well, that won't be the first time. And many times I have thought I am. Just ask my husband!

Some folks know, or maybe I did post it here, but in a few weeks we'll be getting ANOTHER animal to add to our Up on the Hill Zoo. It was inevitable having lived on a "Farm ZOO" growing up--it just took some prodding from folks to know it'll be all right to have animals and then POOF! Well, I can't have any more children so, might as well fill our house with furry companions which many days are much needed.

Olivia and I were watching shows about yes, CHIHUAHUA--now before anyone tells me how horrible these dogs are--how YAPPY they are, how SMALL they are. . .that is just fine. :) That is what we all want, well, Dave is still on the fence about wanting ANYTHING. I remember once long ago, in days of old when I went to visit a friend from high school. His mom had a chihuahua, Poco. I never could forget that dog. And I think of my dog Alfie that I had who was such a dear. I love small dogs. Our Charlie is an amazing friend to us all, (and I know those of you who do not care for animals have your eyes glazed over at this point) but Olivia really "needs" a small dog who is allowed to be cuddled up next to her on those hard to reach days--and for the glorious RUNNING days as well!

First of all, Olivia had to prove she could spell it. Which she can and promise to make all the clothes needed. It is a bit off the wall, but I do believe we'll have met our quota after this baby girl dog comes to live with us.

So, I await to hear the status of our little baby pup.

And we continue in prayers for dear friends here who are learning new things and what the next step is going to be. Praying.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009 6:28 AM CST

Yesterday we moved to muscles in our study of the human body. When I mentioned smooth muscles Olivia immediately remembered that there is a smooth muscle in our eye--as well as digestive system. It is here that Olivia's muscles do not work--therefore, myopathic Pseudo Obstruction. She said, that is why I have bad eyes, well, because you and Daddy do too.

She was almost smug in the fact that her digestive system was made differently.

We've always been celebratory regarding such issues.

I've been reading through some of John Piper's work--"Don't Waste Your Cancer"--we all could replace cancer with our ailment, couldn't we?

I've also been reading through the works of Sarah Boesing. I love how God's wisdom is still alive in the young adults of today. What an amazing young woman she is. And I give the glory to GOD.

To Jesus.

Friday, February 20, 2009 11:35 PM CST

A fruitful week. It is hard to press on some days when one doesn't feel great, or when the winter blahs take a hold, but for the most part, we are all pushing forward.

The kids and I (Grandma Lodgie too!) are reading through the Bible chronologically. And with that restarting Ancient History. SOOOO many questions they each threw at me; what blessed time together. We are making a
"Hall of Fame" wall too--Olivia's Adam and Eve are a RIOT.

While that is going on--David and I finished _The Magician's Nephew_ and we had BBC today (BOYS BOOK CLUB!). David could have led the discussion; he was so intune with Lewis' analogies. Meanwhile, upstairs one of the other mom's showed the young girls how to weave with a cardboard loom. Olivia is on her second already. She really is a fabric artist.

We had several folks jumping to the project of building the play house for Olivia! So, we hope the making of this house will bless the people building as much as for this little family of ours.

Dave WORKED LONG and hard all week and came home to work on Pinewood Derby cars for the kids. I'm amazed as to how he does it. I've been getting up with him in the EARLY of EARLY mornings; it has been very good for both of us.

So. . .with that. We give thanks for the valleys and the mountains.

We are praying for Laura and all our dear friends near and far.

TO JESUS.

P.S. GL UPDATE: She got her hair done and made bran muffins, has been doing laundry. . .and chattered to me on the phone the last few nights. . .THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009 7:30 PM CST

Olivia shared her wish with the MAW ladies tonight.

A playhouse in our side yard.

Now, to find a builder as it seems it is HARD to find someone!

God will provide; our prayer is not just for Olivia's wish, but for so many children who need some earthly encouragement. . .

God knows; He is such an amazing provider for such things.

We have many unspoken requests of prayer for dears near and far.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009 7:16 AM CST

Make A WISH tonight!

Olivia has curlers in her hair, smile on her face and her ROOM is SPOTLESS!

So thankful she is feeling so well.

I think I may even soften a bit and cut school down so we can prepare with FLARE!

Monday, February 16, 2009 4:21 PM CST

Boy Wonder is UNDER the Wonder bar so taking it easy this week.

Going to reschedule clinic for the 2nd time in 6.5 years. The first was due to crazy winter weather. I think David not being up to snuff and our beloved Gerry not being there, well, 2 strikes are enough for me, besides Olivia is well

But just got a call and March 5 is our new date--with our without Nurse Gerry.

Praying with as we'll be working on getting that hose installed--;)

Olivia is glowing, growing and just so excited about tomorrow night's visitors.

She will be asking for a "club house" for our side yard. A friend suggested a surprise garden party this spring as she would like "flowers" around the fence. She and David both have been planning and enjoying the process.

I just want to fur off the floor before these nice ladies come.

Blessed.

Thursday, February 12, 2009 5:39 PM CST

Pressing to the Prize.

Time is a dimension which is so curiously fantastic. How many wounds can be healed in something called time? God really out did it with time.

Rarely do I hear Olivia's lilt in her voice when she askes for "Puppy" at night or if she has pain or an accidental hurt.

Tonight she ran off to Ch's car to be driven to choir practice. There was no discussion regarding that simple fact of my being home and her being there.

She made it through the days with my being gone.
She did it.

AUTHOR of all time and space. . .Jesus.

With time.

In time.

To Jesus.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 0:21 AM CST

Well, this wife, mama, daughter is home.

This by far was one of the most precious times with Jerry and Mom. So thankful for each moment.

Dave did a fabulous job with the kids, house, school--with help from Papa.

To Jesus!

Thursday, February 5, 2009 2:40 PM CST

All is well--it is cold back in Indiana and here in California we are praying for rain which is greatly needed.

Words cannot express how great it is to be here.

Love to all.

Monday, February 2, 2009 8:36 PM CST

Wow. WOW--and double WOW.

I figured out that I was clenching my teeth--bruxing. After TRYING to NOT do it and my whole left jaw up into my ear in a major pain--ache, I called the nurse and gave her my spiel. So, now I'm on one of those take 6 pills the first day 5 the next 4 and and so on--steroids. Don't know if I ever have been before, but PRAYING I will have RELIEF from the mouth torture.

Olivia has been most comforting and dear about it. We cried the whole way home tonight from Scouts. I just want to know how to deal with this in regards to all parts. I'm not doing a very good job.

So, conflicted about leaving my children having been so less than over the last week or so--but know they DO understand--and Olivia is busy making all sorts of little goodies for Grandma and the blessing of Papa being here with his Mac and I taking mine--I will be able to see them each day.

AND DAVE--WHAT a blessing he has been to US ALL. (ESPECIALLY ME) . .I pray he has some rest while I'm gone as well.

Please continue to pray for Laura and we have several other friends who are still awaiting answers.

TO JESUS!

Sunday, February 1, 2009 4:59 PM CST

What a STRANGE week it has been!

Ice storms, loss of electricity, root canal, Mama in pain!

But I do think I may have gotten to the "root" of my problem concerning mouth. And am resolved to not constantly press down my upper mouth to bottom and grind and check to see if it feels better when in fact this was making it feel worse. So, today, hoping was a turning point.

Flying out Wednesday EARLY--and am resolved that I AM going--I so want to and so concerned that I may "catch" something which would hinder such a visit.

Thank you for your care.

Friday, January 30, 2009 12:58 AM CST

21st Century home.

Internet, phone, cable, ELECTRICITY and now a generator.

Kids and I had no idea everything was back on until the dentist called to check on me, then Anita my hair lady (bless her heart), Callingpost to finalize NO CAMP-IN tonight (whew, I was supposed to get the "stuff" for it, but have felt miserable all week), then a fellow Scouter/Neighbor making sure we had power as they have power and a generator. WHEW! Talk about WELCOME back to 21st Century power!

Ice is wild! Our biggest oak (we have 4 right near our home) has been beaten by the ice. Although my jaw, tooth, mouth still is not well, I had to get outside and enjoy this wintery landscape. After feeding chickens and wild birds had to get the camera to document the beauty, the ice damage.

After having been outside for a bit my head went to Sarah K. to what she said many years ago to the young Mamas who may be experiencing post baby -tis.

How much better I felt having been outside! My spiritis lifted knowing it was not by chance anything happens--to see the majesty and beauty in the obvious and the terrible.

Dave is on his big week and has enormous nights. Olivia and I are going to make it EASY on Daddy tonight!

WE HOPE to at least!

TO Jesus.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009 8:48 PM CST

No electricity.

We are in the midst of a major winter ice storm.

Thankfully we have Aunt Becca! We are all at her house--looking through amazing closets filled with all kinds of wonderful beautiful things.

Hoping to find an answer to my tooth tomorrow.

Whoa!

************UPDATE************

Almost 24 hours later our dear home has again POWER. NOW we can FULLY enjoy this SNOW. I would not let my darlings out today (other than David's bringing in wood) to "play" with no real source of heat, warm bath, hot soup. . .

David was such a help today in so many ways. He has turned out to be the little man of the house. He brought in wood encased in ice without being asked--it was his duty. He took it on, never having to ask again.

Our big trees in front have a lot of damage; it is so beautiful but yet so dangerous. Lots of work ahead for us all.

Last night, my "tooth" awoke me and the house was so still, but I could hear the creaking and cracking on the hill. The groaning of the trees, and the lights flashing in the sky; it was a different day ahead for sure.

Thankfully, David and Olivia could be transplanted to a time and space where there is no electricity--so at first they didn't like the idea of leaving home, but knew what was in store--AUNT BECCA!

What a blessing tonight has been. The kids love being here and the attention given is priceless.

I'm rattling on, but to say, so thankful that we may have power tomorrow--but know we can pop down here for the most amazing SHOWER in the world and have warm food.

Now to get this tooth rectified, and school organized for my leave next week. I can't help but be a bit anxious in heading west.

God has bringing so many wonderful points in the midst of hard parts of living.

It has given me a starting point with many people who in my life deal with pain. Olivia, of course being the obvious, next my Mom. . .and so many others.

Please continue to pray for Laura and we have many unspoken requests as well.

To Jesus.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 11:29 PM CST

Ice and more ice.

And my TOOTH hurts even more now! I want to YANK it out myself.

I've never dealt with anything like this, but Mom has been a great advisor and have a call in to the dentist for tomorrow.

It feels so much better when I am lying down.

Praying for our dear friends.

Sunday, January 25, 2009 2:14 PM CST

Little sister is in another obstruction and vomited all night again, green green bile. G tube refused to vent so I mentioned around 5 AM we'll have to change it out and for her to tell me when she is ready. After vomiting 5 or 6 more times she told me, but then the fears of not getting it back in invade, so finally around noon we got the other tube in or I should say SHE put the other tube in.

In passing I recalled our friend who had a fairly large french (size of tube) placed--saying he just wanted a HOSE placed--to hopefully get Olivia thinking in those terms, because a 14 F is NOT going to do the job of venting after eating. She has slowly slipped into a 14 F when the 16 F was impossble. She does need a GARDEN HOSE size to insure NO MORE of this clogging.

I have a pretty big week/school schedule and a sore tooth, so will need help in figuring out when I can see Dr. Sara.

We have a few friends still struggling in hard places. Grandma continues to climb the mountain.

To Jesus.

Saturday, January 24, 2009 8:49 PM CST

Saturday.

For us here on the hill we have a rare weekend or even a Saturday in which we are all home generating family moments.

Yeah, I'm drinking coffee again, but hoping it'll be just another fad in the life passage of needs.

But the big room got a rehaul and garage new doors from a hard worker.

Puttering and iVideo with my Dad, emails from Greg who is working away from his family--sending amazing memories.

Who says you have to be close to be close?

Our thoughts and prayers go to Winkie. Tom Foster lived an amazing life, no doubt about it.

Distance is far.

Thursday, January 22, 2009 9:38 AM CST

I'm trying to put up a picture a day for our loved ones far away and cannot see us as they wish. . .so--Olivia and Izza with my Grandmother's afgan.

Today we ask that you remember our Laura--she has a big day ahead and for those who are still looking for answers.

We think of Chris Krauskopf today,

and a little boy in Idaho--who has a BIRTHDAY

To Jesus.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009 8:25 PM CST

Snow is one of my children's top 3 favorite things, probably. They will endure whatever it takes to get work on their snow pile, igloo, snow fort, whatever it happens to be. Since the back of our house isn't really a yard they were shoveling the snow under the deck where the sun does not shine. The photo was a glimpse from today's snow gathering.

Olivia is back to herself. David didn't want to walk Charlie out on our "drive" but Olivia came out kicking saying she would protect them both. She is our "Miss Spit" once again!

"Miss Spit" was a nickname given by a dear friend during one of our first conferences. When asked if Olivia enjoyed Lincoln Memorial, Olivia just did a little "spppt"--hence, "Miss Spit", nowadays she has plenty to say rather than a little

Today was monumental. Olivia began division. I've been putting it off and putting it off but we did a lot of little activities, found a neat website which was very interactive regarding it and well, she had fun. She likes subtraction because she can check her answers--so this may be good. We did other math too and I let her "check" her work from the answer key which she and David BOTH love doing.

AND--MAKE a WISH called back. After having to cancel due to sickness in December--and my lack of UMPH to call them in January--we have a date set for February 17th. And Miss Olivia has changed her tune on the "wish"--so we shall see.

She wants to take a long distant TRAIN RIDE! Papa and David have done this together and so she knows how fun it is--we would have a SLEEPER car of course--but the problem is--if there is such--to WHERE? David is screaming California--Legoland, etc. Olivia hankers for NYC for American Girl Doll. . .and Statue of Liberty, Empire State Buildin. I'd love to see these places all again, but I think she'd love a carriage ride in Central Park. . .or maybe a trip to the West to Washington state? SO--this shall be very interesting...

Two weeks from today I'll be in California, Lord willing. I look forward to seeing and visiting with Mom and Jerry so much. Now to stay on target here.

If you look at the guestbook you'll see Miss Maya's cb site address. David and I just enjoyed so much seeing Maya's newest photo--TIGHTS She and Olivia are such color filled girls!

We continue to pray for our friends far and near, some who look for answers and those healing from a crisis--and those just resting.

To Jesus.

Monday, January 19, 2009 6:54 PM CST

Hind sight. Thinking that fried chicken no matter how good it may taste and even if it is her "hankering" really just can't be. High fat with no Gall Bladder could be the culprit. Olivia isn't a vomiter since having had her G tube placed almost 7 years ago. Vomiting usually is a sign of something deeper than even an "obstruction" so we are going to start out slowly with food again. The side pain seems to be gone now and she is enjoying her "heavy duty" bath.

Heavy duty for her means soaked to the bone, coming out pruny and immediate dressing and cap change. This is something that hasn't always been "allowed" due to fear of line infections, but Olivia is not prone to line infections. She has only had one and that was due to our first home care nurse who didn't change her cap for 6 weeks. We are blessed she CAN bathe like this. And Miss Olivia has been doing her own dressing changes for some time now. That makes it easier to say, yes, to these heavy duty baths when maybe this old mom or dad are a bit on the tired side!

No food today, not even an inference to it. Dave and the boy headed out for violin, grocery, hair cuts--while Olivia and I stayed in and recouped.

Thank you dear ones for your prayers. I know many of you live with pain and can relate to Miss Olivia in ways that I cannot and for that I'm sorry, but also so thankful that you are a part of our lives.

Spoke to my mom today and she has an infection in her leg incision, but as she assured me this is common and is now on antibiotics. It will be so great to be with her and Jerry in February.

Taking it to Jesus.

Monday, January 19, 2009 12:56 AM CST

Alas, the unpredictable disease of Chronic Intestinal Pseudo Obstruction.

The last few days Olivia has delve into "Jay C's" fried chicken, legs and wings. She has been increasing her ability to eat over the last month to where a full banana, full piece-S- of chicken.

Well, last night, was major vomiting from 10 PM-6 AM. In the beginning it was every 15 minutes to gradually tapering to every hour, on the hour.

Dave got home exhausted not just from work, but attempting a snow covered road--late. He went to bed and Olivia did our usual, praying, rubbing (hands now) and assurance. Dave slept with her from 3:30 - on. She told Daddy this morning she was so thankful to see the daylight as the night was so long.

She is still having pain where she had resection and a bit intrepid to leave her bed, which is a must with this sort of thing (in my head).

We are still waiting for her to stool as well. Much needed to make us all feel like things are all right.

Circling the wagons.

He has her in His Hands.

Thursday, January 15, 2009 5:07 PM CST

IT_IS_ cold!

I guess we got our cold snap, but waiting on some more snow.

Today was changed and rechanged due to our truck not starting, which in the end was a blessing.

Olivia is having her one ostomy complication she experiences which makes life a bit problematic, so today's truck not starting in the end was a gift from God and kept us home.

Prayers for Grandma Lodgie as she continues to heal; it is a slow process.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 11:05 PM CST

In order for David to receive his Webelos patch he has to learn and earn many things. One is to complete the God and Family booklet. Olivia has been working on this as well. In this workbook the author talks about a family being like a pizza.

We have talked about a lot of heavy family subjects like what are our "faith tools" how does a family--our family deal with hard times. Some of their tools are: bowl of salvation, cutter of the Spirit, pizza cutter of prayer, the oven of guidance. I know that David and Olivia use singing praises as one of their major tools.

In science we've begun a more in depth study of the human body. After going through a more simple workbook we are digging deeply now. It starts out talking about how unique we each are created--and how we are created in God's image. So, we all drew self portraits (going to have Dave draw one too!), we read a bit on da Vinci and yesterday we made cells using plastic zip lock baggies as the cell membrane, Jell-O for the cytoplasm, mini marshmallows for vacuoles and chocolate chips for mitochondria, oh, yes, and a marble for a nucleus.

They played with these and even made more Jell-O (red this time for RED BLOOD CELLS!) and named them. They were SO excited over this.

We are in awe as to how well Olivia is doing. Physically, I can only remember two times since her surgery where she had major obstructive set backs. Tonight she told me that she doesn't hurt as much either. I think that bowel was a holding pen and caused her pain for some time. It has been hard to do, but I can see the good in those horrible days. Counting the blessings.

Emotionally--she tends to draw back from new opportunities if she thinks I'll be absent.

She continues to eat. Another thing I noticed, she hankers for fried chicken which I can get for her at the grocery deli. She eats it like my brother used to--down to the bare bone. She takes her time and nibbles it down.

We continue to pray for our friends who got news which took away hope of remission, but praying that God will show them the good in this. Also, for Laura--that she may feel "chipper" tomorrow than she did today. And for Grandma Lodgie as she works hard each day. . .

To Jesus--all the Glory.

Monday, January 12, 2009 9:33 PM CST

The days are floating past fast.

Mondays are the kids' biggest day. Piano/violin/scouts/keepers I like getting it all over in one day and they can be more free the rest of the week.

It is official! I'll be flying early February to visit with Mom and Jerry! Now to pray that no one will get sick.

Continued prayers for Laura.

To Jesus.

Friday, January 9, 2009 9:36 PM CST

Something happened to our internet connection and I still don't have mac up. Talk about dire media straits.

I'm sure Dave will have it up and running before the weekend.

We are puttering along enjoying good learning days. The kids are working on a collage about Leonardo da Vinci; growing things, making things, reading things, and Latin! Yesterday or was it Wednesday they learned Mea Culpa meaning "my fault" in Latin which has been fun to say when we make a mistake and when things go well, we say Deo Gratias! Thanks be to GOD!

Today was Boys Book Club. Prince Caspian. I devoured the Chronicles of Narnia right after I became a Christian and was teaching at NBCS. It is fun to watch the boys' eyes electrified as they recount parts of the book. I found a plot summary online and we read that together; it was long, but none of them seemed to mind and had fun reading it outloud in funny voices. Mea Culpa! As I did not REREAD the book, but will finish reading it with Olivia.

Pinewood Derby workshop tomorrow--it is THAT time of year again.

Something I need to document for sure is Olivia's ability to eat a WHOLE banana. She has eaten a WHOLE banana for probably 5 days straight. This is a HUGE event and is quite an accomplishment for her.

All good things. Dave had TPN ready when we got home from an impromtu visit away. Faithful and true is Dave. He is on his four days off which by the time he gets to the four days off--two are needed to just rest.
Continued prayers for Laura, Grandma Lodgie and our friends freshly home from the hospital as we know it takes time to regroup and get ready.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009 7:59 PM CST

It is hard to go to the deep parts and not be changed. The surface has a whole new profile to it--not a bad thing. Actually, I count it to be gift from My Father.

Look and see.
Stop and see.
Listen and see.

Slow it down.

Spoke with my mom today. Hug your mothers out there people--if she is near, if she is still here. Although having my mom in January has been the norm for us since she moved to California and I miss her living here with us, learning with us, teaching us, helping us, being with us. . .we are so thankful she is still here!

Thank you, Lord Jesus.

Tonight mom sent out one of her "forwards"--I'm one who doesn't read many forwards--especially the "send this to 27 people and you'll be surprised what happens next" kind of forward. Mom would send me silly fun jokes, things that would make me smile, stop for a minute and just laugh.

Then life gets big and I would scold her--mom, do not send me mindless anything. I can't allow myself that.

But tonight, I received one of her first silly "I love you, people" emails and instead of deleting--I rejoiced!

Lodgie is one of those kind of people who is everyone's friend and a real one. She can mix with everyone--she is a peacemaker--fun loving gal, who loves her children fiercely and reminds them each night before she sleeps of that, but always thanks God and reminds us, again, her children that He loves us more than she does. . .

How can it be?

David and Olivia awoke to snow, a dusting, but you'd think we had a foot dumped upon our yard. They started their day with snow and ended it with another romp. We had another great day, home, learning, cooking, eating (Olivia has been eating a banana a day!), playing games, making music. Detours of hugs.

We await news of Laura. Our other friends are now home. Grandma is progressing well. Home. We pray for home for those who need to be there.

And for those who cannot be home--Lord keep Your Arms about them.

In Jesus' Precious Name.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009 0:49 AM CST

Monday was a good day. A big, long very good day.

We accomplished all that was on the plan and then some.

The pressing on of life has been very present to me. Several people have spoken or emailed to this subject which has renewed the protection of home. Noise of all the opportunities available can be frustrating for me.

Living with "younger" kiddos and being "older" tends put a different perspective on what is important. Friends with children who are teens, growing out of the nest or gone--bring to mind how quickly this time passes. How important the bond of family and the relationship between siblings are--something I know very well and am thankful that God has preserved this unique gift.

Then parents grow old and require major "adjustments"; we love them and need them yet time continues to pass.

Eternity! SHOUTS of praises!

God is reopening hearts.

Tonight after scouts, soup and family discussions--I ran down to the grocery store.

Grocery shopping late at night is my favorite time. I cranked up Kevin Maxx and Jars of Clay's Good Monsters while dancing through the produce. Feeling incredibly blessed to have such a variety of meat from which to choose. Good food and an abundance of it. Having the time and frame of mind to research new items which in the speed of most shopping days isn't feesble.

Then, stopping and really looking around at the folks there late at night. All seemed so sad, poor, hurting. If Jesus had been born on earth during our lifetime; He would have gone to the late night grocery shopping people. They in their (and I am one of them) need of Him were beautiful--only as He could see them (us).

And I am brought back to His beautiful feet.

Olivia is doing so well physically--I still stand in AWE of how we are all here.

In Latin today vita was a vocabulary word.

Vita means life.

Olivia said, when the nurse takes my blood pressure, pulse and. . .temperature--vitals.

We joked about putting a new fluid ball on during David's violin lesson to see what his teacher would do--so, she is really embracing--being a person with a central line--:)

Scouts tonight and I'm doing the artist badge with the Webelos. First of all, we had so much fun doing a crash course in art! David's portfolio is a riot, something about being good looking and smart--I think he got that from our readind about da Vinci today. Anyway, the boys worked hard. Olivia flits around helping--she is my little shadow. I love how our friends rejoice with us by seeing Olivia being Olivia--well, happy, full of energy. It makes my heart leap for joy.

Joy.

Continued prayers for Laura and Grandma Lodgie. We have a few other friends struggling as well.

To JESUS

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