History

Sunday, February 22, 2009 9:34 PM CST

Thanks so much for continuing to think of us...I am bummed I didnt get what I thought was my "dream job" but as robin said, " there is something better waiting for me". I definately believe that to be true.

As I was driving to the grocery store tonight I looked up to the beautiful snow covered mountains and said to Dylan, " gosh isnt this such a beautiful place, I love california!". He said, I love it too...But when do I get to learn how to snowboard!!!??

Who knows what the future holds for any of us. But I am so grateful and I do count my blessings everyday.

Life definately can push you to the ground and hold you there permanently if you let it. But I have to break through.
Dylan helps me do that everyday as well as my wonderful family, and friends

melissa

Wednesday february 18th 2009

UGh

I didnt get the JOB!! I am so incredibly disappointed and bummed. OH well..
I am so thankful I have a job.

Melissa

MOnday February 16th 0:20 AM CST
Ok for those all in as much suspense as I am. I got a follow up call this morning. The hiring manager hasnt made her decision yet. She has extended her time line to make a decision and she will let me know when she does.

Ugh the anticipation. I can hardly stand it.

well I have been distracted and I need to stay focused and keep my eye on the task at hand. Self talk at work. LOL

keeping my fingers crossed.

I signed up for my next challenge. I will be riding 100 miles in 1 day for the leukemia and lymphoma society. I just hope its not too late. I signed up last night and havent heard back from them yet.

Melissa

Sunday, February 15, 2009
Ok so I am completely freaking out. I dont know if I got the job OF MY DREAMS...Ugh the Wait is killing me. I know I will get over it and move on if I dont get it but I SO WANT IT!!!!

I studied and studied and practiced for this interview. I have no idea what will happen. All I know is that at one point I set " the bar" and now I havent heard anything. I have been kind of upset all weekend. The Hiring manager said she would call by the end of the week and I havent heard from her. Ugh is that a bad sign??? Geez I am freaking for no reason..If its meant to be its meant to be. But this is such a great opportunity I would be really bummed if it didnt work out..

Please pray I got it...It would make a big difference in our lives. It would mean a promotion, no travel, a dream location, settle down, and I can stop moving around, this job I can grow and continue to do what I love in one place. ( I am so sick of moving around) I just want that one job that i can stay at for a long time. I have moved so much. I am tired. Y a know...

Anyways I hope to hear this week...She said she wanted to start very soon. So I really thought i would hear by now.. who knows what is going on. I am paranoid. I am the perfect candidate.

Please pray ( I know Again) See I am so nervous.. LOL Breathing...atleast trying...

melissa

Feb 14th 2009

Happy valentines day.

I spent tonight taking Dylan on a date. We went to McDonalds and a movie. Dylan is so precious. He really is a genuinely kind, and compassionate little boy. I held him all through the movie. It was so nice to just sit and hold him. He is starting to get bigger and thank goodness he still hugs me at school..yeah..

I am so proud. Dylan won Student of the Month at karate. What a great day for him. He got a cool trophy and just stares at it with such great pride.
I am glad he is excited about life and new days. he has made some great friends here. I know he misses North Carolina and the people he knew and met there just as much as I do but we are meeting some wonderful people here too.
North carolina will always be a very special place for us. I miss it. I miss my friends, I miss Duke, I miss my baby. I miss my life with my boys together. It will never be the same.

melissa

Sunday, February 8, 2009 12:56 AM CST

My sweet Angel

Tomorrow I will be going to my 2nd interview for what possibly could be a great opportunity for our family. I have been studying all week, every chance I get. For some reason it doesnt seem like the concepts are sticking but I keep trying. I am really nervous. I am nervous because this is something that I really want for all of us. I have been making so many decisions on what others want or expect and now I finally know what I want. I know you are here with me and Dylan as we make our way through life one step at a time without you physically. We are so blessed to have our own personal angel to talk to, and look up to as a guardian. We are the lucky ones sweet Baby. Thank you for watching over us, especially Dylan. He is lonely without you and so am I. But sweet darlin we are happy, we smile, laugh, play, and are moving forward doing our best. I continue to plan for future fundraisers in hopes of doing my part to help find a cure for other boys and girls just like you. It is my mission and I will do whatever I can to help make even the smallest bit of difference.

I love being in California. Its warm and sunny almost everyday. So I wake up smiling and hoping for better days. I wish I had more family here, like my mom and dad. Thank goodness my sister is pretty close. Thats so nice to see her and her kids. Dylan will get to know his cousins. His other cousins dont live too far in colorado.

Whats really cool about california is that it holds the most marathons in the country at 474 races in 1 year. WOW...Lots of opportunities to run my heart out.

Wish me luck tomorrow in my interview. I hope they pick me. I know I am the best fit for this job. I hope they think so too...

My next race sweetie is Rock N Roll San Diego...Ahhh Another full. Holy cow...

love ya
mommy

Tuesday, January 20, 2009 11:25 PM CST

I miss you my sweet baby.

We love you always and forever!

Sunday, December 28, 2008 7:11 PM CST

Ok so I thought I was going to make it through Christmas without tears, pain, and a broken heart but I was way too confident.

I came down with what a dear friend of mine calls the " I am missing my baby in heaven BLUES"!!! Ugh..

Gosh all I could think about was being alone without my family. Everything seems so broken..How could this happen?

But I wouldnt be "melissa" if I didnt find the silver lining in my dark clouds...

I spent a great couple of days in one of my favorite little places in California, Santa Barbara!!! LOVE IT THERE!!! It can cure all broken hearts.

My very good friend and I took a cruise up the coast, through Santa Monica, Malibu, and then into Santa Barbara. I just love the quaint feel, the pretty landscape, the ocean, the little boutiques, and cafes. Its such a great place. I found a great little hotel that was a perfect little find right on the coast and so inexpensive.

I went for a run along the coast and then met my friend for some window shopping, and lunch and a movie. We had so much fun we stayed another night, saw another movie and had a great dinner at another perfect find Italian restaurant.. If anyone is singing the blues please come to Santa Barbara. Its stunning and soothing to even the most broken hearts.

My dear friend Vanessa introduced me to Santa Barbara by raising money for the Leukemia and lymphoma Society team in training in memory of Donovan. Ever since we ran that half marathon together I have wanted to go back...Its truly an amazying place.

In the end, my heart is still broken but I can wake up in the morning and breathe without tears.

December and January are hard months and I am trying to do what I can to not be so sad...

Cheers to all my dear friends, may God bless each and everyone of you with many blessings this holiday season and New Year

Melissa

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 10:50 PM CST

Happy ALmost Christmas.

Christmas is now never the same. My whole life I spent christmas with my family in some way or another. This christmas I am in California a place I have come to love. Its beautiful here. If I want to see snow I can simply drive 30 minutes to the mountains..Of course I would have to buy some sort of Chains to get up there but I could drive. I am 45 miles from the beach, 2 cities and so much more. I love being active and I can be active all year round. Its pretty amazying. But my family is still far away. thank goodness my sister is somewhat close 7 hours away.

Now I have to try and convince my mom and dad and the rest of my family to come to california. Of course my mom was born and raised here in california but they have deep roots in Chicago.

Lots of vacations west for them I guess.

I am truly grateful and humbled that as I sit here tonight I feel the blessings of such a miraculous time of year. It wasnt too long ago that we spent christmas hoping for our own special miracle..

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of our friends and families. May God bring to you many special miracles. bless those of you Fighting and the support that surrounds you.

Melissa

Tuesday, December 9, 2008 1:05 AM CST

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET ANGEL DONOVAN

Today Donovan would have been 4 years old. Its amayzing to think of the past 4 years and what our life has been like and what it is now. I am so grateful that I was sent two beautiful boys. Although I will never be the same, My life is so much more enriched because Donovan was in it. I now wake up every morning to the sound of my alarm clock instead of little fingers tickling my face or beeps from a hospital pump. I miss those days. I miss Donovan so much. His beautiful smile and dynamic personality touched so many.

Like clocks ticking so do the memories that flash through my mind. Dylan and I and all those that Love Donovan so much will always have him near.

As dylan and I were driving to Arizona to visit my sister for thanksgiving we were constantly reminded of Donovan's presence. We saw the most beautiful rainbows almost the entire way. It was incredible and Dylan and I drove smiling through the miles thinking of our sweet baby Donovan.

God Bless our sweet warriors and may our angels watch over us always...

Saturday, November 22, 2008 11:51 PM CST

Its a gorgeous night here in Southern California. I talk to my mom everyday and today its about 27 degrees in Chicago. BRRRR!!!! That is so cold.

This morning was a beautiful morning at 60 degrees at 6am and so I took to the streets early and went for a 12 mile run. It was exhilirating except for the excruciating pain in my IT BAND. Ugh what a nagging pain. I stretched and iced it all day. The IT Band starts at the top of your hip and runs down and across your knee. I feel pain on the side of my knee. Ugh There are points where I feel like I cant walk. NOT GOOOOD!!! For someone who lOVES TO RUN!!!

So the rest of the day rest rest rest. I rested and watche dylan play. Dylan road his bike all by himself today...It was such a great site. He has been learning but today he really got IT!!! I am so excited for him. You could see how proud he was in his big GRIN!

We are still plugging along and getting excited for the Holidays.

Donovan's 4th birthday is coming up soon and so I have been thinking alot about him more so than usual. I miss my little teddy bear so much. As I look at his pictures I feel a sense of healing. Today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. One foot in front of the other.
You can also tell that Dylan is healing. A year ago Dylan was very blank and now there is never a blank stare. There is a zeal for life, and excitement for tomorrow. I feel at ease because he is doing better and I know that its really hard to overcome such grief and I dont know if you could really ever "GET OVER IT". I will always have apart of me missing.

My greatest joy is being a Mom and I am so proud of my precious Donovan. He was a WARRIOR in all that he did and how he lived just like so many. Dylan is still my little hero that reminds me how lucky I am everyday..I love you BOTH with ALL MY HEART...

God Bless all of our dear friends that continue to fight the BEAST OF CANCER and remembering our precious ANGELS watching over us.

Melissa

Saturday, November 22, 2008 11:51 PM CST

Monday, November 10, 2008 10:39 PM CST

Happy Monday Donovan fans

Its been an up and down week for us here. Dylan and I both have been plagued by a cold and we are both trying to recover. This cold is relentless and driving us both crazy.

We are doing ok and we still talk about Donny everyday. Everyday something reminds us of him. I look at his pictures and videos of him saying momma momma momma. It still brings tears to my eyes. Although, the tears are not as often my heart still feels sad and empty at times.

This thanksgiving Dylan and I will drive to my sisters house. I am so excited. Dylan will be able to be with his cousins. I havent seen my sister or her daughters since Donovans Funeral so I am really excited. Dylan will be a travelling bug this holiday season. He is also going to get to see the mountains of Colorado and visit his other cousins. He is so excited to learn how to ski and snowboard. However, mommy is terrified of the thought!!! Yikes!!!

Dylan has gotten the racing bug and wants MORE AND MORE METALS!!! hahaha its so cute. However, he LOVES KARATE...

My heart and prayers go out to you all tonight and all nights. Blessings to those fighting and struggling everyday and those precious angels watching over us...

Please say extra prayers for my best friend in Chicago..She is going through chemo, radiation and steroid treatment for Breast Cancer and could use some prayers..She is 34, beautiful and amazyinG!!!!

Big Hugs
Melissa

Sunday, November 2, 2008 10:04 PM CST

Its Sunday and its football season...So I am sure you all know what I am doing. I am watching faithfully for the Indpls Colts to WIN.... AND YES THEY DID.

I got back from vegas Thursday and Friday Dylan and I went trick or treating and then off to Santa Barbara for the Team in Training half marathon...

What a wonderful weekend. Dylan and I drove the 2 hours to the northern shore of Santa Barbara and Saturday morning we woke up to thunderstorms...Donny must have been really worked up because holy cow it was pouring down.. And thankgoodness it stopped eventually as we started the run. Santa Barbara is beautiful. My dear friend and I ran 13.1 miles for a Cure and in memory of my precious DOnovan...We ran up and down hills, along the beach, and through beautiful homes... We saw dolphins playing int he ocean as we ran and then at mile 12 We saw Dylan, my friends mom and brother and I grabbe DYLAN by the hand for a last MILE RUN!!!..

Dylan Ran the Entire last mile with me and together we all crossed the finish line hand in hand.

Dylan got a Finisher metal and a TNT pin...He was so excited to have raced...Dylan sported his cool green and purple TNT hairdo and a TNT shirt. He definately made an impression...I am so proud of him..He has been through so much and he is truly a sweet sweet boy. I am excited that he wants to continue to run little races, play baseball and continue doing Karate. He has a lot of energy so sports are a perfect outlet for him..He even got new training shoes...I wish they came in my size they are pretty cool..

Well we are still plugging along and continue to remember our friends fighting and those in heaven looking over us and we know we are truly blessed to have come so far.

god bless...

Melissa

Sunday, October 19, 2008 4:13 PM CDT

Hello Donovan Fans

I finished the full San francisco Marathon under 5 hours and thank goodness..I was freezing the whole time and my muscles were not liking the weather.

But I kept repeating all the kids names that we have met on this journey to my self and at points out loud to keep me going. It would have been so easy to just say forget it this is horrible but I continued on...This time around was a lot different. I saw a few people I knew on the course, and mostly I was alone thinking to myself and hoping that the finish line would come a little bit quicker...hahahaha...

I felt all the emotions that span the gammet of grief and finally I came to acceptance that YES I AM GOING TO FINISH...I put my head down and trekked to the finish line and NOW I CAN BARELY MOVE....UGH

Well my dear friends my fight continues on and in 2 weeks I will run a half marathon with a dear friend and colleague as she runs in MEMORY OF DONOVAN...

THank you all so much for supporting me, my family and all our efforts to stay dedicated to bring awareness for this TERRIBLE DISEASE and donations for TEAM BABY DONOVAN.. WE truly could not have gotten to where we are with out you..

I am truly blessed and so grateful for the love and support from each of you...

God Bless all of our children in heaven and that are still fighting the fight of CANCER!!! CANCER CANNOT TAKE YOUR SPIRIT!!!

Melissa

Thursday, October 16, 2008 11:12 PM CDT

Hello Donovan Fans

Well I am for the most part PACKED and READY to go...To SAN FRANCISCO THAT IS... Yeah I am so excited. This will be my second time conquering the hills of san fran...Holy cow. I am conquering the hills and my own emotional battles through my dedication to help find a cure for blood cancers.

To DATE: Team Baby Donovan has raised over $15,000.00 in the three and half years we have been on this journey. We could not have done it without the support of all of you that come to Donny's site.

I have a game plan for the race this year...go out at a 10min a mile pace for 6 miles and then kick in the speed and try and maintain a 9-9:25 min mile which will get me to the finish line in about 4hrs 18 minutes...On race day you never know what will happen, the weather, your stomach, travelling, all sorts of things can effect a run..This weekend is about Conquering Childhood Cancer specifically Leukemia..

I made ribbons orange and white for all the children we have been privledged to know...

To my precious Donovan this RUN is FOR YOU and all your fighting and ANGEL FRIENDS!!! I love and miss you soo much sweetheart..

god bless our friends

Melissa

Thursday, October 9, 2008 6:48 PM CDT

Please take a moment to pray for a very close family to us. My friend and fellow Cancer mom got the worst news possible that her son has relapsed again and the next step is transplant. Please take a moment to send her your thoughts and prayers..I am without words and know her fears and I can feel those fears still...

God Bless

Melissa

www.caringbridge.org/co/kylel

Sunday, October 5, 2008 8:44 PM CDT

Good afternoon all,

Another great Sunday...The Colts won...Yippeee. Yesterday was a long day and Dylan and I had a blast. It started really early at 5:45 when I met my training team for an easy 10 miles. 2 more weeks til the big race and I can hardly wait.

We all went to one of our mentors homes for our Team Send off party, info, tickets, and lots and lots of food.

We made our quick appearance and off we went to our 4th Light the Night Walk. Myself and two other women got on stage to start the night off with a rememberance ceremony. It was beautiful and the water works were on for many people. There were so many survivors there and also Gold balloons representing life lost too soon.

Dylan and I and TEAM BABY DONOVAN carried our GOLD BALLOON PROUD.!!!

I know I have said this before but the pain and tragedy of losing Donovan is so deep and as the days do go on I feel my heart not as sad. But the past few weekends I have been sad and lonely. Dylan and I were playing at the playground and there was this very cute little chubby baby.. Oh how she reminded me of my cuddly baby boy..

Dylan and I are now watching movies and playing with Legos..Well we have taken a break...lol We cant figure out the next step...

In two weeks, my mom will be joining us in San Francisco for the MARATHON I have been waiting for since last year. I seek redemption and I think I am better prepared and I cant wait. Plus I love San Francisco and everything about it. This time maybe we will get a change to ride the cable cars. there was a huge line last time...We still have the tickets. I wonder if there is an expiration date...HAHHAA

I am also excited to reunite with some great friends that I met in North Carolina. They too will be running in memory of their children. I am glad I will get a chance to see my friends and share this with them..

The "MARATHON" is a huge feat and I excited to take it on. The thrill of crossing the starting line, the ups and downs of emotion and physical strain.. Its an exhilirating experience.

I am hoping to shave off more than an hour off my time from last year. training on the hills and mountains here in california, I think have really prepared me for what I will be up against this time around in San Francisco...

GO TEAM...

Melissa and Dylan

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 11:01 PM CDT

Good evening Donovan fans

Somehow I have let time go by and am really needing to get my thoughts out...First things first. Dylan and I are doing really well. Dylan started kindergarten and is doing just great. He got a 100 percent on his first 2 spelling tests and I am so PROUD!!!!

He also started Karate and lOVES IT!!! So my munchkin is getting big and he will be 6 years old on friday September 26th...Holy COW!!!!

Me on the other hand...I am of course crazy involved with everything...I have really over extended myself and not suprisingly...I like to be busy and sometimes I create more stress than I can take.

My job requires alot from me, I am team captain with the light the night and training for 7 races. I know 7 OMG!!! What the heck am I thinking...I am thinking running gives me the mental and physical outlet that allows me to clear my head, enjoy the fresh air ( smoggy air sometimes here in LA), hope to improve speed and endurance, and to ultimately make a difference through fundraising and telling my son's STORY...

However, telling Donovans story isnt so easy and can make for sometimes an uncomfortable conversation. Little do people know that when they ask questions about my life and my family that we have been through HELL...go figure..the GOOD NEWS IS WE made it OUT!!!

Although forever changed, we made it...The darkness doesnt cloud my every move and I smile, laugh, and am excited to see what the next day will bring vs for the past few years fearing the next day and wondering how I would ever get through even a few minutes of most days...
Thank goodness for my family and my boys because they got me through it. Now I have my family, friends, and RUNNING...

I have a magnet on my fridge and it says, "running is cheaper than therapy"!! heck if that is not the darn truth...

So my upcoming event for TEAM IN TRAINING is nearing...4 more training saturdays and I will be off to san francisco once again to run for my BOYS and for all the children that have left huge footprints in our lives.

I start to taper my running to avoid injury and to heal and rest before the big RACE!!!! OCT 19th...6am I will start yet another run for a CURE!!!

My next race will take place 2 weeks later on NOV 1 in Santa Barbara. I will run a half marathon with my friend and colleague as she runs in memory of my precious Donovan for TEAM IN TRAINING. SO I will run along side her and keep her spirits high as we run together for HOPE!!!

A month later I will run the Rose Bowl Half Marathon, then LAs Vegas half marathon. In january I will be visiting my sister in Pheonix where I will run the full Rock n Roll marathon as my sister and her family watch....This will be the first time my sister has seen me since Donovans Funeral. I am so excited to see her. She has started running her self and I am so proud of her...YOU GO GIRL!!!!

A month later I will run another full marathon along the beaches. A month later I will RUN the infamous LA Full Marathon...WHOOOOOO...Geez I am already tired.. well not really.. I have lots of energy!!!! So I will go and go and go....

yes my friends and family think I am totally nuts but what great fun to cross every finish line and raising money the whole WAY!!!!

So root me on as I take on this great challenge and hope to bring awareness about Infant Leukemia and that it can strike anyone, anywhere, and at anytime. Be on the lookout for more opportunities to Donate to a truly amazying and hopeful cause...

My heroes are all the children that fight everyday and for all the sweet angels that look over us.

god bless,

I miss my sweet teddy bear Donny so much....I am humbled everyday.

Melissa

Saturday, September 6, 2008 0:00 AM CDT

Its friday night Donovan Fans

That means that tomorrow is saturday and I am running at the weee bit early of the morning!!! Labor day weekend was great fun.. I volunteered at a water stop saturday morning at our TEAM run with Dylan. I wasnt running the grueling 18 miles because the very next day I was participating in 2 races. YES 2 RACES...( what the heck was I thinking)

Dylan and my friends and I drove the 25 miles to Anaheim, Ca to pick up our racing packets from Disneyland and with our packets in hands we left nervous for the race..

I met my new running friends at 3:15AM I was early. My nerves got the best of me and I didnt go to sleep until mindnight and then woke up to prehydrate and eat at 2:30AM. UGH...

I ran the Disneyland Half Marathon and sneaked my way to the beginning and finished in 2 hrs 5 minutes...Just a little over my goal of 2 hours. I held back a little because I had another race that night.

After the race, we all went for food and then some light siteseeing and A NAP...

at 8:30 PM A Friend and I ran the Nike Human Race. A 10K
(6 miles). It was great fun. 25 cities all over the world ran on the same day. I had the great opportunity to run in one of the largest cities LA..

TOMMORROW...awaits another long run. 18 miles...I am nervous. I am excited yet hesistant..Running is such a great physical activity that requires mental and physical strength. You run first with your body and the rest with your heart. TOmorrow I think my heart will be doing most of the running as my legs are feeling tired...I will muscle through it and again be amazed.. I had always wanted to run a marathon and never thought I would be able to go figure this coming race in San Francisco will be 5th marathon.. And I will continue to keep running...for a CURE!!!

SEPTEMBER IS CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH...No child will ever be forgotten. They will always be remembered for their strength, courage, love, and pure zeal for life... To all of our friends GOD BLESS..

Melissa

Saturday August 23 2008 9:05 PM CDT

Good evening Donovan fans,

What a week, I am so glad a new one will be starting. Sunday last week our dear friend Sofia became a sweet angel in heaven. She was a true warrior and miracle...YOu are never forgotten sweetie...

On the Training front... Ugh today was an early start at 5am for 16miles up and down hills in redlands, california. My right calve is really sore...ugh i hope it will be fine..
I didnt have a great run today. I kept thinking of all the things that could get in my way,i.e, fears, stress,
work, trying to just live life. I have been really overwhelmed lately and I am trying to so hard to figure out how to overcome my anxiety. I run and run to clear my thoughts and sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. I am just glad that I am able to keep going despite the obstacles.

Dylan and I had a good time in chicago and I had a great visit with my dear friend. I went to clinic with her for chemo, wig shopping, and more clinic...It was an emotionally packed week but we got through it and I am so PROUD OF HER!!!! It was also great to see my parents, cousins, aunt and uncle and friends..It was nice to take some time and be home in Chicago..Dylan was so happy to be with papa and grammie. Miss you all already...

On the Fundraising front:

So far Team baby Donovan has raised $2700.00 and another 2100.00 to go...Together we can all make a difference one baby step at a time..

Thank you all so much for your time, generous donations, and kind words...

God Bless all the children fighting blood cancers, and those in heaven...

Melissa

Wed July 23rd

Good evening Donovan Fans

I Have had a rough week. Friday I got a phone call from my best friend's Dad from junior highschool that she was in the hospital. MY best friend for 20 years has aggressive breast cancer...I am shocked, numb, sad...mad. you name it...

SHe is only 34. I spent christmas with her and her daughter and of course my munchkin Dylan. Dylan and I will travel back home to chicago to spend the week with her. Once again I will go to clinic only this time I wont be the parent but a worried friend...

I miss Donny so much tonight...I look at his pictures and they make me happy to see him smiling. I hope that he knows how incredibly grateful I am to be his mommy.

I feel that i have changed so much over the past 3 and half years and have grown in ways that sometimes I think only can come from tragedy or serious inner reflection. I am humbled and blessed because of my boys and I will continue to fight in Donovans memory and for all the children that fight everyday.

Training this week went well despite my crazy emotions. I ran 35 miles this week and made some great new running friends in las vegas. I am glad I met people that love to talk about running and training as much as I do and as analytical as I do. Its great fun. Trainign helps keep my mind clear of the emptiness that fills my heart sometimes. I can destress from a long day and clear my thoughts...Sometimes on long runs I feel so good that even the saddest moments in my life and the most tragic fuel me to keep going on...

Team in training has really saved me and helped me get through some really rough times and for that I am truly grateful....Dylan and I laugh, play, and hang out together.. We wake up in the morning thinking about our new day and all the sunshine that will come our way...

Of course not all days can be so sunny but we are doing our best and I think we have really come a long way...

Thank you SOOOO Much for all of your support and kind messages and prayers...WE still have our rough days so thank you.

gotta run :)

Melissa

Wed July 2 2008

Hello Donovan Fans,

My MOM IS TOTALLY INCREDIBLE...SHE is having the largest bake sale EVER!!!! HOW BIG CAN SHE MAKE IT!!!!????With your help it CAN BE HUGE!!!!

ALL money goes to The leukemia and Lymphoma Society... You can order via her email and donate on line or send checks to LLS at 10950 Church Street #3914 Rancho Cucamonga, Ca 91730.

Biggest Bake Sale Ever!!!
Call Grammie Rebecca at 708-712-8721 or order online-lgstmpr@gmail.com

_______ $5.00-1 dozen Chocolate Chip Cookies
______ $5.00-1 dozen Sugar Cookies

_______$5.00-1 dozen Peanut Butter Cookies
______ $5.00-1 dozen Oatmeal-Raisin Cookies

_______$10.00-1 loaf whole wheat bread
______$10.00-1 loaf white bread

_______$10.00-1 loaf banana Nut Bread
______$10.00-1 loaf Pumpkin Nut Bread

Name_______________________________ Phone #_________________________

Total Donation ______________ Make checks payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society,

Team-N-Training Racer: Melissa Rasmussen Bailey,

http://pages.teamintraining.org/ocie/nikesf08/babydonovan

MOnday June 30th 2008

My legs are screaming relief and my friend spells relief M-O-N-D-A-Y.. Mondays are rest days in the world of marathoning. Thank goodness its monday because I am still sore from this weekend.

Our team ran 8 miles on saturday and then I joined my new running friends Mary and Robyn for a torturous up hill run 7200 ft above sea level. Holy cow I could barely breath. The elevation and the steapness of the hills were SO TOUGH....ouch...I felt the burn...I walked parts of it...I am facing the big mountains tomorrow again to condition my legs for San Francisco.

I wake up in the morning to an alarm clock instead of beaping hopsital pumps, and doors slamming, or lights turning on and off.

I miss all the noise some times. Its weird.

This week of training is week 7 and we have 17 more weeks to go...

Hill training tomorrow, mid week long run, condition run on thursday, cycle friday, 8 miles saturday, easy 5 miles sunday.

By the time I finish training I will have run over 600 miles... HOLY COW

Keep checking to see how our training is going...and of course our fundraising efforts for a very wonderful cause--- curing blood CANCER!!!

Please Donate whatever you can as ANYTHING HELPS!!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/ocie/nikesf08/babydonovan

well gotta run

Melissa

Saturday June 2008
Its saturday and that means an early morning RUN with team in training. Today we ran 8 miles. It was great...Tough but great.

Its been a long week of work and the daily ins and outs of life....My new "life". I have pictures of Donovan around the house and there have been times when I look at them and it just doesnt seem real. But He is so real and in my heart. I miss my little teddy bear..I am so glad that I have met up with the Leukemia and lymphoma society here. I get a chance to do something meaningful...and meet great people...

big hugs

melissa

June 7 2008

Good Saturday Morning,

I am doing it again... YEAH. I am running the San Francisco Marathon in October. I just got back from TNT training this morning and have once again met some remarkable people. Ladies and gentleman that have been through their worst nightmares and are committed to do something. TNT has really helped me through these past few years and really this past year and half. I dont know if I could have gotten through it with out the support and friendships I have made.

This website has also been my rock. I have struggled to get back to everyday life without my little sweetie pie but Dylan and I are doing ok. We talk about Donny everyday and still laugh, smile, and play.

We are moving on and pushing through the rough spots. I am very proud that we have come so far.

Please help support our mission: TO FIND A CURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please Donate whatever you can as ANYTHING HELPS!!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/ocie/nikesf08/babydonovan

In memory of Baby D and all of our friends. God Bless..

Melissa

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Happy mothers day to all the wonderful moms out there that do the impossible every single day.

God Bless and Have a very blessed Mothers Day

Melissa

THURSDAY MAY 8 2008
Its an early morning here and a little chilly. Last night for the first time I had a dream of Donovan.

He was smiling and giggling. I told him it was so nice to see him and that I missed him so much. He gave me a big hug and then I woke up. I didnt sleep much last night so I woke up a lot but I almost forgot about my special dream and then it hit me that YES I did have this amazying dream with my precious teddy bear. WOW

It was magical and comforting. He looked so happy. I feel better today and hope that my little munchkin keeps visiting me. I just stared at him and hugged him and it felt so real. I really hope he visits his big brother too.

Please continue to pray for our dear friends that continue in their fight and pray for those that lost their fight. big hugs...my dear friends. I miss you all so much

Melissa

Jan 18 2008

Wow what a whirlwind of a week, month, and of course year this has been. My heart is so sad that my precious teddy bear is no longer here in his earthly form but I realize that no matter where I go or what I do he is with me, helping me along this very unknown, scary path of finding my "new way" without him.

A few days ago I accepted a job and it will take me away from North Carolina and away from Donovans special burial place. It made me very sad to think about but I do know that what is here in North Carolina is his body and he spiritually will be with me forever.

My heart still feels a sense of emptiness and loneliness without Donovan here but I AM getting better everyday and I am so grateful for my friends and especially my family for being my great support.

Dylan and I continue to make our happy memories. Dylan and I talk about Donovan every single day and laugh and giggle about how silly he was or the things he liked. Dylan is doing really well at school and is excited to finally " pack up". He has watched so many of his friends come and go and he now finally gets his turn to do the same.

I think that our move will heal us more and though my heart will always ache I will be open to see the rainbows and miracles Donovan gives us everyday.

While I was interviewing for my new position I saw a big beautiful RAINBOW and tears just fell from my eyes. Becuase it was as if Donovan was telling me that even though I wasnt in North Carolina near him that it was ok to move on and that he is still with me in so many other ways.

One foot in front of the other as the saying goes. Because there is nothing else that you can do but live and I choose how I will live and how I want dylan to see his mommy and how proud I want Donovan to be of his mommy.

You never know how you will react, or what kind of behaviors will occur during a tragic experience I just hope that regardless, those of you that come to my babies site feel my passion for my children, to help others, and my ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other despite the pain, agony and despair I want to feel everyday.

Dylan needs his mommy to not be so sad anymore and I am trying so hard to accept that my teddy bear is with our Lord Almighty and that YES one Day we WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN FOREVER!!!

thank you all so much for the love, care, messages, support, kindness, and heart that has been Donovans site for so long.

He is missed but remembered forever.

Please continue to pray for my friends battling this terrible disease still and for my friends that wake up like I do every morning wishing THERE WAS A CURE.

Melissa and Dylan

Donovan was a "liver of life". He lived for every second and to the fullest. My precious teddy Bear I love you and your brother with all my heart and soul and both of you are my greatest joy.

Friday April 11th , 2008 3:00 PM PST

Happy Friday Everyone

I am sitting in the las vegas airport after a very long week of meetings and work. Yes its vegas but all work. My new job has me travelling every other week to Las vegas so I will be sitting here in the airport alot.

I am really glad that I have been able to make the transition back to work. I cant believe that not that long ago my life and my families lives were so different. I am constantly reminded of Donovan every single day in everything that I do. I was working in a hospital just a week ago and as I walking out of a Diabetes Care Center I saw the Childrens Bone Marrow Center. My eyes got watery as I walked by remembering my sweet baby that I miss so much. I wondered if this inpatient unit made you wash your hands, put blue footies on and allowed no more than 2 people at a time in the rooms. I wondered if I knew any of the families from other caringbridge websites, I wondered about everything.

Work has me so busy that I havent been able to participate in any TNT events, fundraise, or volunteer but I went out my companies website last night to sign up for all the volunteering opportunities in the california and Las Vegas areas.

Some days are better than others and my house doesnt seem the same without my precious Teddy Bear DOnny. BUt Dylan and I are really doing ok. We play, laugh, and get to be outside almost everysingle day. THe weather in California is so nice and that means i get to train all year round For the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Dylan has made some friends and he loves having his "new cousins" around. I told him that we have lots of family near us and he said to me, "mommy I am so glad that you made me new cousins."

He is so precious. RIght now I am beyond overwhelmed with all that is happening and of course in such a short amount of time but we are working through all the rough edges and making our new home a comfortable place.

Thank you all so much for continuing to check in on us. This website has been my rock for so long and I just know that when I am having a bad day I can come here and look at how far we have come and how much love there is for my family and especially my precious Donovan that it makes my day so much better.

God Bless

Melissa

March 24th 2008
Good evening friends and family

Its been a long 8 weeks...I just finished training with my job. I have been back and forth between california and Indpls, in for a least a little while now I hope. Dylan and I are doing really well. he is excited to start a new school and he got a chance to play today with some of his new classmates. He is really excited because we live by three parks, and two swimming pools including a kiddie pool.

I have been feeling a little disoriented being so far away but I am excited to be close to family and all the opportunities for us.

I have my bad days where I really miss my precious teddy bear but they are becoming less frequent. I try hard to constantly remind my self that he is always with me but moving into my new house was sad and lonely. It felt like it was really missing something and of course that was him. My house just doesnt seem the same and my heart aches.

Thank you so much to all of you that continue to check on us. I cant begin to thank you and write in words how much it helps me everyday to know that people still care about us.

Melissa and DYlan

Feb 18th 2008
Good Bye for Now North Carolina.

Thank you to everyone that has been apart of my son's and our families journey while here in North Carolina. I now move on to a great world of opportunity and lots of surprises.

I am sad to leave behind all the memories, friends, and incredible people that I have met here but I know it was all apart of the journey and nobody will be forgotten.

I am humbled to have had the experiences that I have had here and am proud to be a MOM.

Blessings to all

Melissa

Wedneday Feb 13

Happy Almost Valentines Day

I hope all that reads gets to spend a day with someone sweet and special!!!

Dylan and I are counting down the days until we leave north carolina. I can hardly believe we are going. I am still kind of in a state of chock from all that has happened and now I am leaving and that is even more shocking.

Saturday Dylan and I will be In Indianapolis. I havent been to Indianapolis since last year in may when I ran the mini marathon for TNT leuekemia and lymphoma society.

Before then I hadnt been to Indianapolis since our family took the trip here to NC on October 10 2005. I have been here for almost 3 straight years.

So I have become comfortable here. But it is time to move on and time to enjoy life again. I know Donovan doesnt want me to be sad all the time and I know DYLAN deserves all my attention in the world and I want to give of myself to him fully and not be so sad.

I do catch my self getting sad time to time but I really know in my heart that Donovan did what he came here to do and it just so happened that he did it all in a very short short time. And that is ok. We are doing ok. And I am so grateful that I still am able to go back to work with the same company and have the opportunity to move on and have a fresh start.

I will miss everyone here terribly as i have met the most amazying PEOPLE!!!

Thank you to all that have supported me and my family this far. This is a new chapter and I m turning the pages one by one to find out what tomorrow will bring us. I have met my worst nightmare and YES it CAME TRUE...But my heart isnt so sad as I am ready to accept that my precious teddy bear went to heaven and that one day we will meet again.

I will still contineu to take more and more challenges on for the leukemia and lymphoma society and I will continue to write about Dylan, and myself and our new journey through this world.

I will miss y'all so much and am deeply saddened that I couldnt personally say good bye to everyone....

GOD BLESS the children still fighting for their lives everyday and for the families struggling to find their way through this world without their sweet babies.

Melissa

February 6th 2008

Hello everyone

Please direct prayers and thoughts to my friend nancy. Her daughter Amber lost her battle to Leukemia Saturday and today was her service. Nancy and I spent three months together on the unit at Duke while both of our children were going through transplant. We met during radiation for both Amber and Donovan. Radiation seems like a strange place to meet friends but for us it was very normal. GOd Bless we love you all so much...

www.caringbridge.org/visit/amberrichardson

Amber you are never forgotten and always in our hearts

melissa

Dear friends and Family

Wow what a whirlwind of a week, month, and of course year this has been. My heart is so sad that my precious teddy bear is no longer here in his earthly form but I realize that no matter where I go or what I do he is with me, helping me along this very unknown, scary path of finding my "new way" without him.

A few days ago I accepted a job and it will take me away from North Carolina and away from Donovans special burial place. It made me very sad to think about but I do know that what is here in North Carolina is his body and he spiritually will be with me forever.

My heart still feels a sense of emptiness and loneliness without Donovan here but I AM getting better everyday and I am so grateful for my friends and especially my family for being my great support.

Dylan and I continue to make our happy memories. Dylan and I talk about Donovan every single day and laugh and giggle about how silly he was or the things he liked. Dylan is doing really well at school and is excited to finally " pack up". He has watched so many of his friends come and go and he now finally gets his turn to do the same.

I think that our move will heal us more and though my heart will always ache I will be open to see the rainbows and miracles Donovan gives us everyday.

While I was interviewing for my new position I saw a big beautiful RAINBOW and tears just fell from my eyes. Becuase it was as if Donovan was telling me that even though I wasnt in North Carolina near him that it was ok to move on and that he is still with me in so many other ways.

One foot in front of the other as the saying goes. Because there is nothing else that you can do but live and I choose how I will live and how I want dylan to see his mommy and how proud I want Donovan to be of his mommy.

You never know how you will react, or what kind of behaviors will occur during a tragic experience I just hope that regardless, those of you that come to my babies site feel my passion for my children, to help others, and my ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other despite the pain, agony and despair I want to feel everyday.

Dylan needs his mommy to not be so sad anymore and I am trying so hard to accept that my teddy bear is with our Lord Almighty and that YES one Day we WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN FOREVER!!!

thank you all so much for the love, care, messages, support, kindness, and heart that has been Donovans site for so long.

He is missed but remembered forever.

Please continue to pray for my friends battling this terrible disease still and for my friends that wake up like I do every morning wishing THERE WAS A CURE.

Melissa and Dylan

Donovan was a "liver of life". He lived for every second and to the fullest. My precious teddy Bear I love you and your brother with all my heart and soul and both of you are my greatest joy.

Saturday January 19th 2008

I dont really have any words so Hence all the photos. Donovan and our family's photos tell our story and especially his. Donovan bravely and proudly fought a rare form of Leukemia for two years. He was almost never without a smile. Donovan loved us all and showed it with everything that he did. I am proud to be his mommy and he will always be with me in my heart and soul forever ad ever. I miss you my sweet teddy bear...and so does your daddy, dylan and your whole family.

FLy high my sweet Angel....~~~~~~~

Mommy

Friday, January 18, 2008 11:04 PM CST

Thank you all so much for a fantastic fundraising year. Thanks for helping me reach my goals to help give more families financial help, information, and research to HELP STOP BLOOD CANCERS

THis is another year and another year of fundraising for the Luekemia and Lymphoma Society.

With everything going on I will be participating in two events. More details to come.

This past year has been a long hard struggle to wake up everyday without crying and being lonely and actually missing clinic days.

I put my energy into Dylan, myself, and fundraising for great causes including LLS and The Me Fine Foundation.

I hope to continue to be able to have Donovans spirit lift me up when I am feeling down and to continue to train and be as healthy as possible physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I know it wont be easy but I will have my support through this site, friends, family, and so many more that really understand that all I want to do is help and bring understanding to something very horrific childhood CANCERS.

My greatest thanks and appreciation.

hugs

Melissa

January 15th 2008
Hey guys

Well its been what I would say the most hectic and crazy past couple of months. I am trying really hard to find a job and with that I have to make so many decisions.

Its strange but everything that has happened in the past three years I had no control over. I did everything I could to help my precious baby overcome and had to make choices to enable him to do so but ultimately he was received by God and now making decisions is very hard.

I dont want to make the wrong ones. I pray and pray and sit so still to hear the words of wisdom.

its alsmot been a year since my precious baby became and angel and I am sad. I am sad because I am starting to move on with life. I dont remember so vividly how he felt in my arms or his little fingers touch my hand. its sad that those memories fade.

His heart is with me and he lives in dylans sweet and fun adventurous self. And I am happy to say that Dylan is doing well and adjusting well. My little munchkin is becoming a big boy and he is just incredible.

I wish you all well and especially my fellow moms and dads dealing wtih all the hearache that I do. God Bless

Melissa

Sunday, January 13, 2008 12:25 AM CST

GO COLTS!!!! YEAH...SUPERBOWL HERE WE COME

Have a great week...

hugs

Melissa

Saturday, January 5, 2008 5:14 PM CST

Hello My friends and Donovan Fans

I was reintroduced to one of my moms favorite songs and its so sweet and reminded me of my precious ANGEL...Minus the lyrics that have to do with this song written by a man for a woman it fits my sweet baby and I so well...

I miss him and the past year has been really hard. Its been harder lately than in the beginning but I think that my precious baby will be proud about how I have tried to handle his journey and triumph and his ultimate journey to HEAVEN.

I will love him forever and ever!!! AMEN...

You may think that Im talking foolish
Youve heard that Im wild & Im free
You may wonder how I can promise you now
This love that Im feeling for you always will be
Youre not just time that Im killing
Im no longer one of those gals
As sure as I live this love that I give
Is gonna be yours till the day that I die -- oh baby

Chorus...

Im gonna love you forever, forever & ever amen
As long as old men sit & talk about the weather
As long as old women sit & talk about old men
If you wonder how long Ill be faithfull
Ill be happy to tell you again
Im gonna love you forever & ever, forever & ever amen

They say that time takes its toll on a body
Makes this young girls brown hair turn grey
But honey, I dont care, Im not in love with your hair
And if it all fell out well Id love you anyway
They say that time can play tricks on a memory
And people forget things that they knew
But its easy to see its happening to me --- oh baby

Chorus......

Just listen to how this song ends
Im gonna love you forever & ever forever & ever
Forever & ever forever & ever amen

God Bless all of my dear friends...I love you all. It will all be OK.

my warmest hugs

Melissa

Wednesday, January 2, 2008 7:56 PM CST

Happy New YEAR

Well its a new year and that means new beginnings and a fresh look at all things with new eyes.

Dylan and I had a great time in chicago. It was so nice to be with my family. I really needed it but it was also nice to get home.

I am home now and ready to get back to work. I have been looking for jobs in my company in hopes something opens.

Thank you all so much for your kindness. God Bless us all this new year.

Please continue to pray for my friends that continue to fight the beast of Cancer and those thinking of their little ones that are now angels.

Melissa

Tuesday, December 25, 2007 5:03 PM CST

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS

MELISSA AND THE GANG

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 7:04 PM CST

Hey donovan Fans

Well In what Dylan calls " two sleeps" we will be in my hometown of Chicago. Dylan and I will be going there to spend some much needed TLC and the holidays with my family and friends. I am so excited to get away. lately I have been overwhelmed with the responsibilities of getting your life "back on track" after my precious baby became a sweet angel.

I dedicated the past year almost to really heal, be with Dylan, and train to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Well I think I did pretty darn well. And I know everybody likes to judge but to me it was time worth spending. I was numb for the first months and after more time I started to really feel the sadness, anger, regret, sorrow, and every other possible feeling you could feel when your little baby dies. We all know that Donovan is a sweet Angel playing in heaven with so many others and yes it all seems so unfair. But I know some how in the big scope of my life He chose me and I accepted knowing his fate.

But I pray that his life will always be remembered. He is my peaceful warrior, a warrior with courage, love, inexhaustible strength, beautiful smile, sweet words like "mammama and ball", sweet smirk, flirty wave, the pat of his hand to sit next to him, love of music, dancing, football, and how much he loved his BIG BROTHER. His big borther Dylan was his heroe. Not that he told me but you could tell. If Dylan ever left the house Donny knew. he would want to search for him or stare at his pictures and point at them as if he wanted Dylan to be with him all the time.

I remember the boys in the back seat of my car and Donovan was trying to take dylans blankie just to be " a little borther" and Dylan fussing. It was SO NORMAL...I looked back and smiled and felt such love and warmth through my body. Donovan always like to mess with Dylan he was so cute. He wanted to be just like him. He sucked his two little fingers and had a favorite blankie just like Dylan.

When I miss Donovan I grab his blankie pillow. I kept that piece to remember him. He had that silly blanket with the fringes with him always. And when he didnt oh did he throw a fit.

I miss Donovan so much as we all do but I dont cry at every picture or home video anymore. I smile and laugh. I still get sad but I am better able to cope with the grief. I let the feelings come out whatever they maybe, I pray a lot, I talk to Donovan a lot, I write in a journal everyday and I still run and run and run.

In about 6 weeks I will be running my next marathon. Yes its addicting but also exhausting. While I am in chicago i will be really testing my body. They have been having very cold cold temperatures and ice storms. YIKES should make for interesting running. I have made my list of cold weather running gear, powerbars,gels, and I will pick up fluids there in chicago.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THINKING OF MY SPECIAL MUNCHKIN ON HIS BIRTHDAY WOW WAS THAT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. BUT WE GOT THROUGH IT AND I THINK HE WAS HAPPY THAT WE ARE DOING BETTER.

GOD BLESS OUR FRIENDS THAT ARE STILL FIGHTING THE BEAST OF CANCER, THOSE THAT LOST THEIR PRECIOUS BABIES AND OUR FAMILY THAT WE MAY FIND OUR SPIRITS LIFTED EVERY NEW DAY AND ARE SURPRISED BY GREAT MOMENTS.

MELISSA

Sunday, December 9, 2007 9:23 PM CST

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY

My precious baby came into this world with a yelp and went out with a precious sigh.. His pain is gone and so is his cancer.

I have had a pretty lonely day. Breakfast in the morning and then dylan spent the day with his dad. Dylan came home and we played,went to Donovans site and put up flowers, let balloons float into the sky, and talked to him. Dylan opened a present for Donny and it was two cars. I put them in a plastic bag and left them. Dylan also got a little present. We went to dinner, came home had a little piece of cake, dylan took his bath, I read to him, rubbed his back and he fell asleep.

And in between all these moments I was in tears thinking about all the happy times and remembering his last couple of birthdays and of course the day I gave birth to him. Gosh I cant believe to this day that I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy and a month later he was diagnosed with cancer. My new little baby. How Our families lives have changed so much?

Although his time was short, our journey has been an incredible miracle of hope, love and faith. Today I kept reminding myself that there is a great big plan and we are all part of it and Donovan took the ultimate journey of eternal bliss. He is FREE and so should we.

Its hard sometimes but Dylan and I are doing better and it sounds like darren is too. I am glad. We have a lot of new surprises awaiting us and Donovan will be with us through all of them and in our hearts forever.

God Bless our children and please continue to pray for our family to find true peace in our hearts.

Thank you all for all the wonderful messages the day was better knowing others were thinking of all of us.

Melissa

Sunday, December 9, 2007 3:03 PM CST

Happy Birthday my Sweet Angel Donovan

Maybe words will come to me at some point today.

Melissa

Thursday, December 6, 2007 12:51 AM CST

Happy Birthday to my WONDERFUL MOM!!!!!

3 Days til Donovans 3rd Birthday

I dont even know what else to say. Things arent going that great and I just dont want to be negative I want to move on in a healthy way and just try and take everyday with the knowledge that my situation is temporary and that things will start to get better.

God Bless all my friends that are fighting and please pray for our family that we will be able to move on with ease and peace in our hearts.

Melissa

Sunday, December 2, 2007 10:24 PM CST

Well Alexias celebration was wonderful there was even a special christmas Parade and I cant help but think it was for Alexia. What a princess.

God Bless you my friends.

Today I am sore from my run yesterday but I crosstrained today and I am ready for this coming saturdays 16 miles. Yikes.

One Week from today Donovan would have turned 3 yrs old.

7 days and counting.

God Bless my friends still fighting I love you. And Please Lord Bless our family during this hard time and espeically my sweet Dylan.

Melissa

SUNDAY DEC 1 2007
ITs really late here in North Carolina the place I cant seem to leave. Tonight was Alexias viewing. She looked just adorable. Like a precious little warrior Angel with crown and everything. It was really nice to see ursula and her family. There was a parade for christmas in the town and how fitting.. Alexia got her own personal christmas parade.

While I was there I found out that another of of the ladies that I saw evry tuesday and whom was also my neighbor for many months lost her daughter two days ago as well.
Michelle the Mom of Ashleigh was so wonderful to us. Last year they had us over for Thanksgiving so that Donovan and I werent all alone. It was one of he best thanksgivings ever.

8 Days til Donovan's 3 rd birthday

My little munchkin didnt live very long but boy did he make him self known to the world. His smile was electrfying and he was a magnet to everyone that met him. As time goes by I seem to feel ok but then there are days and weeks like these where you feel so helpless, and start to question everything. uggh...sigh...

I know that my baby is in a good place and I am so glad he doesnt hurt anymore. His body was so sick but his spirit will live on forever.

I went out to train today and ran 13 miles. The weather was crisp and nice for a great run.. The marathon is in 6 weeks. I am so excited to be doing this for the Me Fine foundation. I dont even know where to start to thank them for what they did for our family. They helped us at every turn. But it just wasnt us they have helped so many families and to date over 200 families have been lucky to have the Me Fine Foundation to help them through such hard times.

Please pray for my friends and our famiy too that we may find our peace in the midst of so many questions.

Sunday, December 2, 2007 0:24 AM CST

ITs really late here in North Carolina the place I cant seem to leave. Tonight was Alexias viewing. She looked just adorable. Like a precious little warrior Angel with crown and everything. It was really nice to see ursula and her family. There was a parade for christmas in the town and how fitting.. Alexia got her own personal christmas parade.

While I was there I found out that another of of the ladies that I saw evry tuesday and whom was also my neighbor for many months lost her daughter two days ago as well.
Michelle the Mom of Ashleigh was so wonderful to us. Last year they had us over for Thanksgiving so that Donovan and I werent all alone. It was one of he best thanksgivings ever.

8 Days til Donovan's 3 rd birthday

My little munchkin didnt live very long but boy did he make him self known to the world. His smile was electrfying and he was a magnet to everyone that met him. As time goes by I seem to feel ok but then there are days and weeks like these where you feel so helpless, and start to question everything. uggh...sigh...

I know that my baby is in a good place and I am so glad he doesnt hurt anymore. His body was so sick but his spirit will live on forever.

I went out to train today and ran 13 miles. The weather was crisp and nice for a great run.. The marathon is in 6 weeks. I am so excited to be doing this for the Me Fine foundation. I dont even know where to start to thank them for what they did for our family. They helped us at every turn. But it just wasnt us they have helped so many families and to date over 200 families have been lucky to have the Me Fine Foundation to help them through such hard times.

Please pray for my friends and our famiy too that we may find our peace in the midst of so many questions.

thursday, November 29, 2007 8:01 PM CST

My sweet Angel Donovan welcomed his very good friend Alexia into heaven. I am beyond sad for our little warriors.

I know they are cancer free, pain free, and got to experience lifes greatest journey~~~to heaven.

I have read that to be freed from this life to enter the new is liberating and joyous. But that the people left behind is what makes the new found joy sad. We are all bound together not knowing when our time will be but that our precious babies time seemed to be cut short. I know we are apart of a perfect plan but when life seems to have been cut short for your own child that isnt exactly the easiest thing to feel. The pain is numbing, and as time goes on the pain then is so real that it can almost be so overwhelming that you feel like you are stuck in a horrible nightmare and you just can wake up, like you are trying to walk through quick sand but you just sink despite your efforts.

The range of emotions are truly exhausting especially trying to do it without a lifelong partner to help you.

I pray for all of my friends that have walked this journey with me in hopes that they find their inner peace so that sooner rather than later they will be able to move past the pain into acceptance with ease and support.

Please extend your prayers to my dear friends ursula and Ignacio and Alexia's little sister Sofia as well as their entire family.

My prayers to Alexia's family and all my friends that have been here with us walking this same path. There is nothing we cant take on as we are survivors of a great unknown plan. God loves us, embraces us, and lets us known everyday that he is in control of this vast universe.

Please pray for my dear friends.

Melissa

Nove 24th 2007

PLease pray for my very good friends and their princess Warrior Alexia..She is in the PICU and needs our prayers..

www.caringbridge.org/southamerica/alexia

Melissa

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!!

Good Evening Donovan Fans,

I must say I am so glad this week is over. Its been a rough week. Its hard to keep getting knocked down over and over again and yet I try so hard to just keep getting up no matter how hard, sad, or angry I feel. Donovans Birthday is coming up soon and I really thought it wasnt going to be so hard but I am so sad that he isnt here to celebrate his 3rd birthday. He spent all of his birthdays in the hospital. And then in Janaury it will be one year since he hasnt been here with us learning, playing, and being the wonderful little boy he is.

I am thinking of things to start doing for Dylan and I to remember Donovan and create a tradition for his birthday. I got some great ideas over the weekend from friends and I am excited to surprise Dylan with another birthday for him on Donovans special day. I think that Donovan would love that we celebrated his day by giving to his big brother.

Well folks so far my fundraising for this great cause has been rather lacking in every way. I am sad to say the least. The holidays are coming and there are so many families here from all over the world; some families will be in the hospital, and some in an apartment near the hospital. Very few families get to leave even during the most special of times. This is where the Me Fine Foundation comes in and creates their own SPECIAL MAGIC!!!

Last year they came to our house with a christmas tree and all the trimmings. Although we were in the hospital almost all of december and part of january the house was full of christmas cheer DYlan and all of us felt so much more joy by having such a sparkle in our apartment.

Please consider donating to help other families have their families with them during the holidays, and have their own special sparkle in their apartment, hospital room, Ronald Mcdonald room, wherever it may be.

Again you can send donations to me. Gift Cards, or checks can be made out to the me fine foundation. Other items such as household items, clothing, toys opened or unopened can be sent to me also.

my address is 600 ivy meadow lane 1F Durham, NC 27707

My training for this coming Marathon is going well and I am really excited. I am getting nervous as I am also trying to find a job and my job could start in january and I will be really rushed to run a marathon and then go straight into a job. But thats me, everything happens at once. Thank goodness I have a lot of energy and love to multi task!! hahaha...

OH YES YEAH THE COLTS WON!!! I watched the entire game and I was so excited. I was so nervous for them but they pulled it off at the last second...GO COLTS!!!!

Please continue to pray for my dear friends fighting for their lives and their families that stand next to them with such courage, hope, love, and never ending faith...

May Our Angels Watch Over us Always

Melissa

PS:
I completely forgot but for my fundraiser for the ME fine Foundation frequent flier miles are really wonderful to get family to the treatment centers for possible emergencies, christmas, new years, etc..

November 12th 2007
Its been a tough week I must admit but I am trying so hard to see the silver lining in what seems to be a perpetual nightmare.

god Bless

May our angels watch over us.

Melissa

UGGHHH THE COLTS LOST AGAIN!!! I am so sad.. Oh well..They will come back. Once all their players are not injured..LOL...

PS: Please consider donating whatever you can to the ME FINE FOUNDATION This foundation does so much for people and for some of you it may just be postage you have to pay for as they take anything that is gently used household items and clothes.

send to me: I will be there tomorrow but I try to make it every week. Please think about it. They do so much for so many families including ours.

To date they have helped over 200 families. That is just amazying. Please help them help more families.

God Bless and please continue to pray for my friends that are fighting for thier lives.

Melissa ( bummed the colts lost but excited to see them come back and win the whole thing!!!)

Tuesday Nov 6 2007

I was watching a great movie again and I just love the quote from this movie because it as true as true gets. From the Movie Rocky Balboa

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that.. My Prayers to all of our WARRIORS!!!!

Faith and love will keep you from being pushed down. You can get up and move forward even though ITS SO HARD!!!!

May our angels watch over us...
Melissa
Maci's Story and Gratitude for the Me Fine Foundation

We came to know about the Me Fine Foundation after our daughter, Maci was diagnosed with AML Leukemia in March 2005. From the beginning, Me Fine was there with us, and for us. They provided financial help during our journey. They helped with the mortgage payment, light bill, gas, food, and medicine. You name it, they were there. They even provided Christmas for our family. When we found ourselves in need, Me Fine was always there.

Sunday Nov 4th 2007
My Colts lost today. Gosh I am so bummed. But its 1 game out of so many so they will come back stronger and ready to keep kicking butt Colt Style.

Halloween was so fun. Dylan and I hung out with our neighborhood friends and then had a great dinner with my friends that I met at Duke and we went trick or treating and Dylan really made out...he has so much candy....He had so much fun and wow did it wear him out...

I think we walked 3 miles...

I continue to embrace each day with hope,faith,love,and perserverence for the changes that I hope will come for our family. Certain things just take time..Its hard to continue to wait and wait. I feel like I waited so long for Donovan to get better and hoped like crazy everyday for over 2 years and he didnt and now I continue to wait and wait. Maybe that is why I like to run so much. I feel free and able to tackle each day with the same kind of determination, and joy Donny did and like Dylan DOES...They both continue to keep me going and going...

I also feel so honored to run for the Leukemia society and my first foundation, The Me Fine Foundation...I am excited to start giving back. I wish I could do it all myself but right now I need the help of my friends still. Thank you for being our friends and also wanting to help other families in need..

I am training for my next Marathon. And so far my first week back has been great. My legs feel good and want to run and I cant wait to do this run for a very deserving foundation. I hope to continue to do more events for many foundations and also give to families that faced the many challenges we faced while caring for their child.

But I also need your help. Please consider donating to "The Me Fine Foundation".

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 7:25 PM CDT

I started training again today and wow it was a great day to run. It was crisp and sunny. I am slowly working my way up to 30 miles a week again.

Dylan is so excited for tomorrow. His costume is Mr Incredible from the movie incredibles. I thought it was very fitting since he is "incredible"

please continue to pray for my very good friends...

melissa

Oct. 28th 2007
Good Afternoon Donovan Fans

The COLTS WON AGAIN YEAH

I am planning my next Marathon. And I need your help. I am running this Marathon with a good friend of mine for the "Me Fine Foundation" here in North Carolina.

The Me Fine FOundation came to be because of a little boy named Folden Lee. Folden like Donovan and so many others sought treatment at Duke Univeristy for a Cord blood transplant. Like Donovan he fought the toughest fight and unfortunately his destiny was to become a great Angel like my precious Donny.

The Me Fine Foundation helps families at UNC chapel Hill and Duke Univeristy cope with the financial struggles they are faced with and gives families hope to stay focused on their child not the financial burden of their treatment.

The mission of the Me Fine Foundation is to voluntarily provide necessary resources and financial assistance to parents and caregivers with children being treated at Duke and UNC Children�s Hospitals regardless of race, diagnosis, economic status or religion in memory of Folden Lee, IV.

This month The Me Fine Foundation have . . .
assisted 16 families
� Assisted with final expenses for a 3 year old
� Paid rent payments for two families
� Purchased $325 worth of gas cards
� Purchased wish list items for two patients
� Paid household bills for 3 families
� Saved one home from foreclosure by paying past due mortgage payments
� Paid two large co-pays for life-sustaining medication for a 16 year old
� Supplied secondary housing for two

I am RUNNING THIS MARATHON FOR THEM and AM ASKING for your support.

This foundation runs solely on individuals donating whatever they can whether it be monetary, gas cards, food cards, grocery cards, unopened toys for childrens birthdays and even christmas, easter etc, furniture, computers old and new, cell phones, anything that could help a family live in a new place.

Since my families move here to North Carolina I still have had to maintain my residence and property in Indianapolis while paying for a residence here in NC. The financial burden becomes so stressful that in my experience it can distract you, you become overwhelmed with the fear of losing everything on top of the worry about your childs' life.

While I have been here I almost lost my house and have had to foreclose on property and almost had to file Bankruptcy. To me money was the least of my worries but it was still a worry because I had to take care of my family and I wasn�t working. I know many families that have lost everything and with the Help of foundations like The ME FINE FOUNDATION families will not worry about losing everything while caring for their child.

Please be as generous as you can. They accept almost anything. For the couple months to come I will be posting families stories of gratitude.

To donate: Simply write a check to "Me Fine Foundation" and send it to my address so that they know it is from my fundraising for this Marathon.

To donate gift cards of gas, groceries, toys, food, cells phones, home goods, gently used clothing for children, etc mail to my address as I will be making weekly visits to the Me Fine Foundation.

I will be running this next 26.2 Miles on January 13th 2008.

My personal goal is to raise a minimum of $1000.00 and many other gifts. These gifts will mean the world to children fighting for their lives and help their families stay afloat as they care for their child.

Please visit their website www.mefinefoundation.org to get a better idea of their story about a little boy Named Folden and how they came to be The Me Fine Foundation

Please Pray for my dear friends as they fight for their lives and their families that stand by them with inexhaustible faith, hope, and love.

May our Angels watch over us

Melissa

My Address:

600 Ivy Meadow lane 1F
Durham, NC 27707

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 7:25 PM CDT

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 10:37 AM CDT

good morning Family and Friends.

The past few weeks have been unbelievabley stressful. While I was in San francisco my old manager had me start interviewing to get back to work. I was incredibly nervous, as i have not worked in over 2 years. I have been with Dylan and Donovan also I took the time to really heal.

I took the time to really heal and its been almost 10 months. I have felt every possible painful experience and emotional resistance to letting to go of the pain. BUt I thought I would be letting go of what truly matters to me my kids. Dylan and Donovan mean the world to me and I wanted to spend this time with DYlan to make sure that he too could feel all the feelings of loss but also get to the point of acceptance.

We are both getting really close to feeling these but our moods go up and down. I still cry that my precious donovan isnt here. But all the crying and praying wont bring him back. I feel his presence rarely but when I do I fell the exultation of understanding and PEACE.

As I was running this marathon I experienced that profound sense of him with me. I know i am not alone in experiencing the extreme pain of losing your child and that too helps me through the day. I feel that I am not in this alone and that there are people that really care and want to still be my friend and allow me to be how I am regardless of the pain I feel or the incredible sense of loss, and even despair.

But I am feeling better and I am getting to the point that DONOVAN is REALLY OK!!! His body was SICK but his spirit isnt. Its a hard concept to really understand I think, as a parent that lost their child tragically and at such a tender age I cling to prayer, faith, hope, and I cling to my friends and family.Nnow I laugh, enjoy my days, and especially my son DYLAN.

This race was amazying and I had the opportunity to thank so many people too that have helped me get here. Not just through Donations but with their positive "you can do it" attitude, when I thought it wasnt possilble.

I too have that same attitude that you can do anything. Yes I can do anything if i put my mind to it but I also want it to really MEAN something and that wont change. Everything I do will make a difference regardless how small.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH.....My heart is full..

MY precious ANgel is watching over us as all of our angels watch over us and give us strength to keep going no matter how incredibly painful and hard it is.

God Bless my dear Friends fighting for lives. To name a few of them MAtthew k. ( never give up) and Alexia the princess Warrior, and Sofia. You are heroes and will always hold very special places in my heart.

PLease say extra prayers for my friends that have recently lost their precious babies to these horrible disease that they may find their peace in the midst of such despair.

Melissa

Monday, October 22, 2007 8:04 AM CDT

I DID IT!!!!!

It is really early here in CA but I wanted to update everyone that I finished the race and IT was GREAT!!!!

I will post pics when I get home.

8300 Team in training Woman and Men were there. WE had the biggest pasta party ever!! And Raised more than 23 million dollars to help Blood Cancers.

I am very proud that I finished and met so many great people along the VERY LONG 26.2 miles. Most people were very sad to hear that the CUTE baby On my BACK was mine.

I got teary at mile 13, 15,18, 22, and at the FINISH LINE!!!

The race was so Beautiful, tough, and long...hahaha but I thought of every child I have met along this journey and their incredible determination, love, hope, and perserverence that I kept going and going even when I was starting to get really sore. I ran the last mile for Donovan. I sprinted to make a record 6 minute mile for the last ONE...for him, dylan and me. I borke through the soreness and ran that final mile to the finish line and raised my arms in the air and screamed I did it baby!!! I getting all teary now. It was an incredible feeling and I knew that Donny was looking down at his mommy so proud and Dylan was so proud too.

Dylan told everyone that his MOMMY was RUNNING FOR HIM and his little brother. It was so sweet.

I am going to go back to sleep if I can...But I will update more and Post the great pics from the EVENT of a LIFETIME!!!

Thank you all so much for your Great SUPPORT, DONATIONS, KIND WORDS, and everything...I wish I could describe in words how thankful I truly am.. But please know I ran for all of us, those that have fought the fight, are fighting now and those that support others while they fight to save their loved ones.

Blessings

Melissa ( yeah yeah!!!)

Monday, October 15, 2007 11:10 PM CDT

Tuesday Oct 16th 2007

I dont want to be writing this but I know God Is good and will ultimately save us. MY dear Friends tonight that we met here the first time Donovan was transplanted lost their Son at 2 1/2 years old. He is the sweetest muchkin and was such a joy to be around. His big sister was a good friend to DYlan and they often went to church together.

Please hold this family in your prayers.

Becky, Eddie, Jazzy you are all in my prayers and Your precious bubba is now perfectly healed and he too has taken the most ultimate eternal journey free from pain, disease, and ailments. BIg hugs to you all. I am so so sorry.

Melissa

Another late night that I sit up wondering why I am still UP???

I LEAVE IN 3 DAYS

I leave for San Francisco in a few days and I couldnt be more excited and nervous. It seems as though I ran 20 miles months ago and that I am not ready. 26.2 miles is a long time to be running. But I know I am ready and I cant wait to get on the empty roads in a sea of Purple tee's all for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

This race is special because it is one of the largest Races for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and with the Help from NIKE more than 3000 people from LLS will be running Including myself!!! I will have to find out the exact number because its just incredible. So many people have dedicated themselves to raising money for Blood Cancers. Some of the men and woman on this team are survivors, friends, family members or people who just wanted a good cause and organization to belong to. We all have the same DRIVE and its to KICK CANCERS BUTT!!!!

I am proud to be part of LLS and team in training. I have been an athlete practically my whole life and now I am getting my second chance to do it again only this time its different. I dont care if I win or lose I just want to RAISE money and AWARENESS, and HELP others so that MAYBE, MAYBE one day there will be something close to a cure, and maybe in Dylans lifetime there might actually be a cure.

I dont know. I know that medicine can only go so far and that we are ultimately not in control but that doesnt mean we should STOP BELIEVING!!!

BELIEVE in something no matter what it is and hold on tight.

The weather has been so perfect here. I sure hope it isin SAN FRANCISCO. PRAY FOR NO RAIN!!!!

Dylan is so excited. I keep telling him how I am going to be running for him and his brother my two best boys and he keeps telling me " mommy I want to train, I want to run, I want to bike...just like you." He is already such a great little athlete. He can throw a ball like no body's business and when he has a bat or a racket in his hand he almost always makes contact with the ball. He is amazying. Donny was really good too. that little munchkin LOVED TO THROW THE BALL AROUND...I loved watching the two of them play with a baseball and even a bat sometimes.

Now DYlan and I almost every night play some sort of ball. And when it gets dark outside, yes I cant believe I am writing this we play in the hallway ( clear of anything breakable). We play catch with a football, baseball, frisbee, anything. He is getting better and better.

My dad and I have secret Dreams of Dylan playing for the Chicago white SOX!!!! How cool...Another Bailey playing ball in the major leagues. That would be so cool.. hahaha we are silly.

Please continue to pray for our healing and peace in our hearts. The Grace of god is with us everyday and every new day is a day full of opportunities to do GOOD THINGS...

My prayers and thoughts go out to some of my VERY VERY CLOSE FRIENDS tonight!!! you all are always in my prayers as well your brave heroes by your side.

May OUr ANGELS watch OVER US!!

Melissa ( I am addicted to dancing with the stars. Dylan wants to fake dance with me like on TV its so funny...)

Saturday, October 13, 2007 11:40 PM CDT

My friend wrote this in her Journal and it couldnt be more touching for me.

�Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. �

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

This morning was our Team in Training's last training day before our BIG RACE October 21st 2007.
This morning we had a mission moment where we had three families speak on living with CANCER and how the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society has helped so many people and how every dollar donated does more and more for people living with a blood cancer.

It was a tough 8 miles. There were so many things running through my mind. All the memories, laughs,tears, playing, everything about the past few years and even more.

I wake up everyday without my precious baby and with all the memories and I am getting better everyday because I know he is in the most fantastic place. Sometimes I wish he was here with me only to remember that he was SO SICK and that when he Died he was released from all the CANCER, PAIN, and everything else that was ailing his body. I wouldnt want him here any longer feeling like he did. It would be selfish.

I spoke to him and told how brave he was and how much I loved him more than anything he and his brother meant the absolute world to me and that somehow someway we would be ok. So I said to my sweet baby go be with GOD take the ultimate enternal journey...I told him I would try to be ok but it may take awhile and that he had to make sure to take care of his big brother because he would be really sad.

These parts were not part of the mission walk people want happy success stories not stories of babies that fought everday for their whole lives and then Die. Some dont want to know the harsh reality of losing everything but also losing everything else. Your world is turned upside down from the minute you HEAR CANCER AND THINK, " Oh my gosh will it kill him?" and from the moment your precious child takes his last breath in your arms. I am forever changed. I am shown everyday with my friends going through what I have that we are not in control and Donny my precious angel I am so terribly sad and my heart feels empty but We DID EVERYTHING WE COULD and God needed you.

A lot of people dont even talk to me anymore. I guess it must be hard for people to know what to say to someone that lost their child. I am glad that my friends that i have and have made here have stuck by me.

I will be even happier when I am gone from here and I can start fresh. I think I am ready. Now its just the how? How am I going to get a fresh start?

I guess we will see.

Today was our big SURPRISE party for Dylan for his Birthday in which i was able to invite all his friends from school and friends he has met here. He was so surprised and actually a little scared. He almost didnt want it because he was a little intimidated but then his friends started hugging him and giving him PRESENTS and who DOESNT like PRESENTs. Well he ended up having a great time and THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT CAME.

We then spent time playing with his friends in the neighborhood, had a great dinner ( he is doing so much better..he eats carrots and sometimes broccoli 5 of them at dinner and he gets a star every time. Sometimes he tells me that he will eat only 4 carrots and skip the star LOL!!!) and played with alot of his new toys and watched movies. It was great.

I wake up every morning as a SURVIVOR trying very hard to stay focused on my faith and to never give up hope and that everyday I have an opportuntity do to GOOD THINGS but most importantly, the most important thing IS THAT I AM A MOM!!!

I am so excited for my race. I will be wearing a ribbon for everyone that I have come to know that is kicking cancers butt, struggling, maintaining or an angel.

God Bless to all my friends that continue the fight everyday and may our ANGELS watch OVER us!!!

Melissa ( My precious Donovan in OUr hearts forever and my hope to continue to help Dylan get through his sadness.)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007 9:02 PM CDT

Good evening

Well this week has really gone by fast. Maybe its because I am nervous about my First Full Marathon in 11 days or maybe its because as of Tomorrow I will have been here in North Carolina for 2 years exactly.

I only went Home to Indianapolis once and even then my home wasnt there someone else was in it. I felt so strange being there plus I was there without my precious Donovan and it just didnt seem right.

But still being here even though Donovan is in heaven is even more sad. I just want a fresh start. I know it sounds weird but I have seen rock Bottom and its not a place I ever want to visit and I am getting more and more ready to be able to move on and not feel so sad all the time. I feel sad but Everyday seems to go by and I smile more and more and So does Dylan.

My training is going ok. But I dont like this tapering thing. You ahve to seriously taper your training the last 2-3 weeks before the race. Tapering I have read in many books can make people really question their abilities and make them feel very fatigued and hungry.

But the trick is to Drink a lot of water, let your body heal because that is what it is doing and your body is actually questioning its not trianing so hard so dont FREAK OUT...

I think its kind of funny in some books they call marathon runners ability to taper before the race almost maddening. Because its hard.

WELL I feel it. Running only 4 miles or 3 miles is not enough for me to get my rythym and pace down. SO I sprint the entire way and then I get tired. I have been completely exhausted too. I thought I was getting sick or something until I read more about tapering. I just cant seem to get enough sleep.

THank goodness for books. Otherwise this tapering stuff would drive me crazy and I would really questions my ability to get through an entire 26.2 miles.

I have run many half marathons for TNT and in training but training for a full is so different.

I know I am rambling about this marathon but it has been so therapuetic for me. It has given me a goal and something to look forward to so that I dont get overwhelmed with sadness.

I am still here in NC and in the same place just a different apartment and its hard. Its hard to see all the kiddos here getting treatment and seeing so much death. I have never been so smacked in the face with life and death as I have here. Its very humbling but so scary.

I know how hard all this has been for me and to see more people going through it, people that I care so much about is just too much for my broken heart to handle.

Anywho I am glad for my distractions because it keeps me sane and able to keep persepective.

yes including the GREAT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS, GREYS ANATOMY and all the new shows...

There are some really good ones out there.

thanks for letting me go on and on and thanks for continuing to check up on us.

Dylan and I are hanging in there and I think in a lot of ways our hearts are healing.

May our Angels watch over us always

Melissa ( watching wednesday night TV and Surfs Up with Dilly bar its so cute!!! )

Sunday, October 7, 2007 11:17 PM EST

THE COLTS WON TODAY!!!!

I am so glad. I didnt have anyone to watch the game with so I had to watch it on the computer. Its so strange. You have to keep hitting the refresh button to get the play by plays.

This weekend hasnt been too exciting. Actually pretty boring. I tried to go to the movies yesterday by myself and I almost fell asleep so I left.

Saturday I ran 12 miles and am tapering for my RACE which is TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!

I am really excited. Initially I was going to train for the Chicago Marathon because Chicago is my home town but then I thought I wanted something harder. I have already run half marathons, a few actually and I thought I could train and do well even if it was San Francisco.

I am ready and excited. My mom is going to be there and hopefully other friends that I have met along my Son's journey. I cant wait to meet so many people. I really hope that I get that chance.

Please Continue to pray for my very dear friends The NAylors also my Friend Alexia and her family and my friend Sofia and her family as all of these people are going through the hardest times any parent or child should ever have to go through.

May our Angels watch over us each and everyday

MORE HIGHLIGHTS OF MY TRAINING FOR A CURE

GOD BLESS

Melissa ( yeah the colts won, and yeah to good television for good distractions )

OCTOBER 4th 2007

GIVE A LITTLE ~ CHANGE A LOT

Its been a rough week to say the least. I havent really been feeling that great. I had a great run last saturday and I spent as much time as possilbe with Dylan doing various boy activities which of course I happen to love, i.e. baseball, soccer, surfing practice in the pool ( its really cute he is good), playing mad crash attack with matchbox or hot wheels cars and flying airplanes all around the house and outside, and of course wearing matching COLTS JERSEYS for the big game that they WON!!!!

Other than those moments and when Dylan is asleep and I am just here by myself I get so lonely and sad. I write in another journal. Its a journal that I write in almost every night before I go to bed. It helps me relax and get my thoughts out. I write to Donovan. I tell him how everything is going here. I dont know why but it makes me feel closer to him.

I miss him so much but I know he is great!!! I think that the hardest thing for me now is to continue to see my friends going through the same thing.

Today all day I thought of my good friends TOnya, Dave and tessa and kept praying for them to be strong and to celebrate what a true blessing Noelle was to them and to so so many. But I know its hard and it really stinks.

Today Dylan took his bath and didnt tell me how sad he was that Donovan isnt here with us.. But he is now fixated on strange things like blood. he looked at my arm and asked what my veins were and if there was blood in them and if the blood would come out. Its so sad for me to hear.

I just dont even know what to say other than we are going to be ok. We continue to talk of Donny being so silly as usual and we watch videos of him and Donny in his yellow jeep. Donny loved that yellow jeep so much. I guess to him it was like his own personal yellow submarine. hahaha he loved that song and the beatles, it was so cute. Donovan made us laugh for a little while and then Dylan and I watched Cinderella. He said " Tessa was his princess" as he always thinks of her as his bestest friend as a girl!!!

I am finally maybe getting tired. I hope so atleast.

May our Angels watch over us

Melissa ( glad Greys was on for a nice distraction from everything sad )

Oct 1st 2007
Donny, just days ago you gained another little girl and your friend in heaven. She just like so many others we have met have changed peoples lives in your short time here.

Our lives as the parents have really changed. I speak for myself only but I feel such sadness, loss, despair, anger, relief, and the hope that someday there actually will be a cure for Blood Cancers.

I am so angry but I have nothing to be angry at, I have noone to be angry at or thing just the feeling of anger which then turns into complete sadness.

I am so sad to see my friends have to go through what I have and even friends before me. Life is cruel, unfair, and so devastatingly hard.

BUt I have such great HOPE that with every rainbow, and through every dark sky there is a pot of gold or sunbeam to show us that there is something greater than us at Work.

To heal my broken heart I have to focus hard on remembering all the wonderful smiles, hugs, and kisses and moments with my precious baby and he with us.

IT is so easy to get trapped into feeling sad very quickly. I know that God is at work in my life as much as it seems like my life has fallen apart into many pieces it is also slowly coming back together again.

Running that 20 miles last saturday was exhilirating and I felt so free and focused and its a very rare feeling. I think that running and endurance sports will be apart of my life for a long time and am proud to run in memory of my sweet angel Donny and for all of our friends.

Even after that long run I have trouble sleeping. I can barely sleep because I have constant panic attacks and nightmares. BUt I keep telling myself that I have lived through my most horrifying nightmare and I am still here with my precious Dylan and we are making it.. I am very proud that Dylan and I are doing ok and that although I have my very sad days I do laugh, smile, and have fun and so does Dylan.

Thank you to all that continue to lift us up in prayer, and support us.

Melissa ( a great distraction sunday THE COLTS WON!!!!) Sorry D-L.

Sept 29th 2007
This morning I got up at the crack of early got my self psyched to run 20 miles up and down the hills that seemed like the mountains of San Francisco and I DID IT No problem.

I feel so great that I was able to run the entire way and actually make really good time. Everyone I run for this was for them because it was a tough run and San Fran is going to be the ultimate gift to children and ADults living with a blood Cancer like my baby did for two years.

I am still a little under for my fundraising goal so if you are looking for a worthy cause here it is. My deadline is soon I have less than a week

Please help if you can. Thank you to everyone that already has and that help patients everyday by donating their time to volunteer, giving blood and platelets and being the best friends or parents to those that fight so hard.

Dylan is still mesmerized by the fact he got a hot wheels track that goes upside down so that has kept us really busy. Its so fun.. There are six shooting car slots on the sides and you can have a huge crash. We are having a lot of fun with it.

Again thank you

Melissa ( wasn't GREY'S so GOOOOOODDDD)

SEPTEMBER 27th 2007 this afternoon my very dear dear friends lost their sweet baby girl NOELLE to septic shock from a bacterial infection. Her big sister Tessa ia one of DYlans best friends as you can see in one of the pics on this page.

please pray for their family as I know the pain, despair, and hurt they feel and will continue to feel for a long time.

www.caringbridge.org/wi/noelle

September 27 2007 ( morning )
Dylan had a great day yesterday. With help frfom friends I was able to get alot of decorations for the house and put up before he woke up. I wrapped all his little gifts up and put them on the coffee table and even decorated his room...

I surprised him at school with Cupcakes and he was so happy to see me there with all of his friends.

He still doesnt know that there is more in the works. I have a surprise bday at chuck E cheese planned for him too. So that all of his friends can come and see him for his bday.

last night when all the festivities were over and he was taking a bath (odd the weirdest conversations come out when he is taking a bath) but he reminded me how sad he is that DOnny isnt here. Its so hard to hear but I remind him and remind him that he really is here with us but in a different way. We will never forget him and he will always be in our hearts and then we talk about different stories. Last night we were talking about how Donny and him like to have screaming contests in the car while I was driving (not my favorite but I was just happy) and how Donny would always pat the bed for Dylan to come and sit right next to him as he did to all the people he really loved.. It calmes his little heart, made me a little sad and I think tomorrow we will go to the cemetary and put a balloon from Dylans bday there so that we can know he was with us even though we couldnt see him.

I am gearing up for my toughest run yet. Saturday morning I will run 20 miles up and down hills or what feel like mountains. I train today but today is an easy day and then tomorrow I rest up.

I have to carb load and drink fluids like crazy starting today which is the most important day. Thursdays are even more important than fridays in training. Lots of sleep too...

However, I will get in my special fix of GREY's ANATOMY TONIGHT YEAH I AM SO EXCITED...Then tomorrow morning I get up early and I am a chaparone for Dylans field Trip to the life and Science Museum. He is really excited that I get to drive him and some of his friends to the museum.

he wasn't excited about the fact that he had to eat fruit this morning. He ate 1 blueberry and 1 strawberry and threw it up on the floor. geez I loved fruits as a kid. He is still having a little problems with eating and he knows that because he is 5 he has to try it and eat it. We will see what happens in that drama. poor baby he just doesnt have good habits for food and its partly from all of us and from seeing Donovan not eat anything. I am so glad I got him off of his liquid diet that he was on for almost an entire year. That was really hard. But he really is doing so much better but he is still really sad and I am still tryihng very hard to just let some things be.

Melissa ( so happy that Dylans bday was great and to see his beautiful smile all day long)

SEPTEMBER 24th 2007
QUICK: DYLANS BDAY IS TOMORROW YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!!

September 26th 2007 at exactly 12:20pm. TOnight he had a great meal for one of the first times in a long time. He ate carrots yogurt and a corndog. This is so different from the Pediasure diet he was on for a year because while DOnovan was sick he refused to eat so he could be like donovan. My heart is happy that he was such a big boy tonight even though its the eve of his big BIRTHDAY...He thinks once he turns 5 he has to do really big boy things like eat vegetables, swim, ride his bike with two wheels etc. He is so funny. I like that he is already setting very realistic goals for himself. And he accomplished a small one tonight eating.. I am very happy. I sure hope it continues...

FUNdraising still full speed ahead for one more week. YIKES!!!! I am getting closer and closer.

Please take a look at this very moving message done by a mom with a child with Cancer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGS4yE5v9rM

Good evening

Well its been a weird weekend..I get nasty messages once again and again forced to password block my babies site. Its so sad. I am sad I have to do this but it will weed out people that only want to hurt me and my healing heart just cant bare these types of messages right now. I am trying really hard to keep my head up. I am taking every second to be with my little man Dylan or big boy actually ( 5 ) wow!!! Do great thing in memory of Donovan and for all of his friends, and I just put myself out there too much for people to read into my words as if I am asking for hand outs and other stupid things ( for lack of better words) I had a sad training day on saturday I was just sad at all the mess this site sometimes gets. I just dont understand and I dont want to understand hurtful people.

I ran 13 miles saturday and tonight I crosstrained. Dylan is with his dad this weekend so I am kind of lonely.

I watched the colts game and was so excited that a friend came with me to a sports bar to watch it since it wasnt on NC tv. So that was fun and especially since they won!!! Yeah!!!

they will be here in NC at the end of October how cool. But they play in Charlotte not in Raleigh Durham.

I am getting excited for Dylans bday. I really hope he is excited. He has been waiting to be a " big boy for a long time". Its so cute.

Well I was informed too that the series premiers of Private practice and greys anatomy are this week yeah I am even more excited.

I am also getting more and more excited about my first full marathon. Its in 5 weeks. Next saturday morning I will be running 20 miles. Yikes I am a little nervous but it will be such great practice or training for San Francisco.. We will then have a pasta party that night to celebrate our ability to make it 20 miles up and down hills comparable to San Fran.

I am also excited because I really want to try and see some people out in the bay area while I am there from my support groups..

I hope y'all had a great weekend..

Many hugs to all my friends and their very special kids that have truly touched my life and made it better.

Bless us that our angels watch over us and that we dont forget that Miracles do Happen..

Melissa mom to my two best boys big boy DYLAN and my sweet angel DONOVAN

September 20th 2007
Hello family and friends

Dylan turns the big 5 in just 6 days. Its amazying that he will be so big. I am a little sad since this will be another first. A birthday without his little brother. Dylans past 2 birthdays were with Donovan in the Hospital. I KNOW that whatever we do for his bday will be so special and he will really enjoy it. I am going to bring a cake to his school and surprise him and then have the house filled with balloons and other party fun stuff when he gets home from school. He will love it.

I do feel a sense of sadness though because Donny wont be here but we all know he will be there in spirit and in our hearts.

Dylan still some tough days but I am always there to reassure him that no matter what Donovan is still in our hearts and that he does visit us..whether its with the rainbows in the sky or in our house he is with us.

Thank you so much to all of the families that gave their time and donations for the light the night walk it was a great success and was just magical.

The San Francisco Marathon is just around the corner and my fundraising still is full speed ahead. Please donate what you can and remember that no matter what the donation it all matters. It matters for my sweet angel and all the children that we have met along our journey. Our journey is not over and our fight for a cure will never be over.

Thank you all so much I am truly heart filled.

Melissa mom to the two best boys Dylan and my sweet angel Donovan.

SEPTEMBER 11 2007

What a day. A tragic memorial for all of those that lost their lives in a devstating nightmare of terror BUT also a NIGHT that lit the SKY with RED, WHITE, and GOLD BALLOONS for those who are fighting a blood cancer, survived, and those that lost their battle. Tonight we Got to WALK for TEAM BABY DONOVAN not just for Donovan but for all the children that fight everyday, everyday!!!! with unimaginable pain, and yet you get their smiles in return, their playfullness, and cheerfulness despite what they are put up against. My sweet Angel did just that. He fought hard for two years with passion, gumption, dignity, hope, and the PUREST of LOVE possible. Tonight I thought of all my friends from my support groups online ALL-KIDS, and of course all of my friends at Riley in Indpls, IN and Here at Duke.

NEVER GIVE UP FAITH and HOPE...Love will see you through even the darkest of seconds, minutes, hours, days, and more...

God Bless you all my friends my prayers and thoughts are with you and will never cease. I am fighting BLOOD CANCERS now for Donovan and for you.

Love

Melissa mom to big boy Dylan and my sweet Angel Baby "D"

Quick hello: Well volunteering this morning was alot of fun. I wish Dylan was with me because he would have loved it. The Friesen 5K fun run had thousands of participants running for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It was alot of fun meeting the players even though I had no idea who they are but I now I DO!!!... Shameless pics I know but it was so fun. I love hockey and coming from up north Hockey is a big Deal and apparently here too.

Melissa (feeling better but still trying to catch up with such an emotional day yesterday)

Good evening

I am with my sweetheart Dylan and we are watching movies our favorite pastime.

Today was team training and I ran 18 miles. I am getting closer and closer to the full 26.2. we actually never train for that amount of miles because the body can only take so much so we train at our max miles at 20 and that will be at Umstead park my great nemesis. It is all hills the entire way and especially the way back. But as I train and train my body gets better and better.

My fundraising is still full SPEED AHEAD. Cards and purses are still available and of course any donation matters..

Tomorrow I have the chance to Volunteer for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and I will awake once again really early.. Never a dull moment around here.. Just fatigue sometimes.

Today I got a phone call that Donovan's headstone was finally finished and in place. Dylan and I picked up a few items and made our way to the cemetary. We had flowers and an iron rod with a windchime that Donovan will be able to hear whenever it blows.

I sat in front of it and cried and Dylan played around it and found lots of rocks.

I miss you my Angel but you will be forever in my heart although still broken at the moment.

God Bless and may our angels watch over us and bless us with their Miracles

Melissa ( melancholy )

September 1 2007
Please take a look at this very moving and profound video of the Hope and Love of Children with Cancer and their strength to survive,and also to our special angels watching over them and us.

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Quick hello:

Sorry to my friends in New Orleans WHAT CAN I SAY BUT THAT MY COLTS KICKED BUTT!!!! YEAH!!! MY ANGEL IS STILL WATCHING... GO COLTS GO

Another saturday of group training for our San Francisco marathon. I got home late after having dinner with a new friend in the complex and had to wake up really early for a 16 mile run.. YIKES!!!! It was a great run and the weather was perfect. I didnt stop but to refuel my fuel belt and I was off running again. Its such a great outlet for me and I am doing it for so such a great cause that its hard to NOT be enthusiastic even at 5:30am WHEN you could really use some sleep.

Cross training day tomorrow and then rest on MONDAY YEAH!!!!

I also have to mention because I am a SUPER DUPER COLTS FAN that they start Sept 6th Thrusday on NBC. YEAH GO COLTS. They are playing here in NC sometime and I am dying to see them. I sure hope that will happen...How fun. Next I will be waiting for the great Greys Anatomy....yeah finally some good television.

I hope everyone has a very safe and happy labor day weekend.

Melissa ( trying very hard to hang in there in the midst of so much sadness for my friends, and my own broken heart)

Folks this is my last endurance event I am participating in for the year please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and are still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Company matching please send me your receipt and your companies matching form to my home address. Its easier this way and it wont get lost in the shuffle.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

August 28 2007
GIVE A LITTLE ~ CHANGE A LOT

Quick update for prayers: I dont even know what to write as the tears fall for another family with a baby with Infant AML has learned that today her transplant was not successful. They are now having to make the most difficult decisions that no parent should ever have to make. Please pray for our very dear dear friend and neighbor!!!!!

Just another reason why its so important to get more research for our babies...

I hate you Cancer.

Melissa ( SO SO SAD )

August 25th 2007

Hello from a wicked RUN this early morning to be exact 5:30AM. I am not complaining but holy cow this run really kicked my butt hard. We TNT runners ran 14 miles up and down hills for 14 miles straight. WOW. I am proud that I was able to finish. Although the trail is tricky and I got lost so I think I ended up running more than 14 miles.

I am very proud and so thankful that I can run, walk, swim, and bike and do so many things that so many cant even my own precious Baby Donovan. So those are many reasons why i am excited to be part of such a great organization.

The Luau was great and was a success. However the turn out wasnt as we expected and were left with a lot of food. But we had a great time. Dylan and I danced to hawaiian music and so did many others. The food was the biggest hit and that is all due to my friend that slaved in the kitchen for hours, marinating, baking, and cooking for what we thought would be a minimum of 100 people. I guess I just dont know that many people.

Regardless it was great fun and all that came had a great time and we did break even and then some. So I am glad that we were able to do what we did in the amount of time we had and without knowing alot of people.

So that is great. Thank you to all of you who participated, donated and gave your time to help a great cause.

PS: THE DEADLINE IS COMING UP AND I AM NOT TO MY GOAL YET!!!!! So please help however you can.. Here are some reasons why its important to HELP

Every five minutes someone is diagnosed with blood cancer.

Every ten minutes, someone dies.

Leukemia causes more deaths among children than any other cancer

More than 20,000 Americans died from lymphoma in 2006

The survival rate for myeloma is just 33 per cent

There are many ways to help, give blood, platelets, get on the bone marrow registry and of course help by giving what you can to funraisers and other research to help save our precious babies...

Cards and purses are still available for purchase for my race for a cure.

Here is the link: www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

The link can be a little finicky....

Melissa

AUGUST 22nd 2007
I am excited that tomorrow will be a day for raising money to help rid this NASTY disease CANCER!!!!! Its been taking too many of our precious babies. I know that there are many ways to help and all of them are so greatly appreciated. For me I was turned down to give blood and platelets go figure. I think the running probably has something to do with it. But if you can that is an easy way to help its just your time.

Dylan is so excited about the Luau tomorrow. He keeps telling people he is having a party for his baby brother. Of course then he goes into the long speal of his baby brother being in heaven and how sad he is. it still breaks my heart to hear such a small child express such sadness. I know how sad I am and I sure hope that he isnt that sad because I want him to know what a strong courageous little brother he had even for a short time and that he too is strong in heart and soul. I tell him its ok to be sad but we also have to remember how fun donovan was while he was here with us and then we automatically remember donovans little antics, i.e. peek a boo, his favorite movies ( cars and the yellow submarine and little einsteins) and of course his great big smile. then we laugh and our hearts are calm. I always try to find ways to help dylan understand that Donovan is still with us but in a different way now. He told me, " mommy I know I talk to him, I see the rainbows he leaves for me, he is playing, but I really want to see his cool wings"!!!

its hard to hear soemtimes but I take calm in that he is dealing with his grief too. he is such a special little boy.

Good night for now. I need to get lots of sleep for my BIG PARTY for DONOVAN and ALL CHILDREN LIVING WITH BLOOD CANCERS OR HAVE BECOME ANGELS LIKE MY PRECIOUS DONNY...

Melissa

August 12 2007
Dylan and I arrived safely from our trip to Rhode Island. Although I got a little banged up there. One fo the days we to mopeds to Block Island and the moped was so heavy it fell on me...Oooopsss so emabarassing. I am really bruised but nothing major.

I was glad to be home and sad. Dylan and I said good bye to Noelle and her family Saturday. I was very sad and Dylan asked me why I was crying, because to him he was excited they were going home, but I knew that going home would be bittersweet. Dylan was able to play with Tessa for quite awhile and they had great fun...But DYlan wouldnt stop hugging her it was as if he knew she may need those incredible hugs.

I continue to train and fundraise for the upcoming San Francisco Marathon and the Light the Night Walk and it is very tough training while your thoughts are on such sad things.

I will miss Noelle and her family so much as we became good friends here at the transplant Apartment complex. Its strange we met them the first day we were at Duke October 12th 2005. They too were one of the first people we met that had an infant with Leukemia. The first family was Alexia's family in January of 2005. I met Ursula through a Leukemia Support website and little did I know that our kids would share in the same fate and at the same place.

God Has special plans for our precious children. I always say that; I just wish I had some sort of glimpse as to what that plan is.

My heart is broken still and my light Dylan and the rest of my family and friends continue to bring me back to the faith and hope I always had.

ON a brighter note Dylan starts school tomorrow. He will be in Pre-K Given that we havent been able to keep him in school long enough to allow him the necessary tools to go on to Kindergarten but HE is SO EXCITED. He will have the same teacher and alot of the same friends in his class. I am so happy for my sweet baby cakes..

He still gets sad sometimes and misses his brother a lot but we get our glimpses of the rainbows Donny leaves for us every morning and that seems to calm Dylans heart. It certainly calms mine.

Good Night and God Bless our Children and their families during these horrific times. Please remember that in an instant lives can change forever.

Help make a difference!!!

Melissa

August 7th 2007

Dylan and I are in Rhode Island and visiting with practically the entire family. But I am still sad and I just want to go home. Dylan is having a great time with all of his cousins. So we will stay so he can play enjoy the time with the family. But all I want to do is curl up and cry.

How do you find the words to express such sorrow and pain. I have watched too many of my dear friends go through what Noelle and ALexia are going through and even baby Donovan. I am heartbroken and feel the pain they do as I relive those awful feelings. All I can do to stop crying and feeling sad is to continue to run, bike and raise money for awareness for Children with Leukemia.

Words cannot even describe the inexhaustible fight we parents go through and know that everyday is precious and now even these days are more precious...

I believe in miracles and hope that Noelle and ALexia will some how have the miracle of having fun, being with family and friends and knowing that we all care so much for you all...

MELISSA

I really thought that this week really couldnt get any worse and I come to find out that our very good friends again are dealing with their little Noelle relapsing after her 2nd transplant.. We have known them from the beginning too and I am so mad and angry these precious girls have come so far and I still hope that there are miracles that will allow these little ones to be comfortable enough to play and do things they were not allowed to do before...

I am so sorry Tonya and Dave and family...My broken heart is with you...
I hope when I get back I will get to see you...

I cant believe that these words are written and I HATE this crap!!!!!!!!

www.caringbridge.org/wi/noelle

My Heart is beyond broken and deeply saddened. My very dear Friend Ursula's baby Girl Alexia has relapsed from her 2nd transplant.

Please pray for her family for their comfort, and love during this excruciating time.

www.caringbridge.org/southamerica/alexia

Alexia you are a Princess Warrior FOREVER and we LOVE YOU DEARLY AND KNOW with all out hearts you are in Good Hands. God Bless

Melissa

I love you guys and your precious babies....May God watch over you as you play and enjoy what you couldnt before...

GIVE A LITTLE ~ CHANGE A LOT

Today Dylan and I and a few of our friends went to Kick off the Light the Night Walk here in Durham for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We had such a great time..It was really nice to see people I had not seen in a really long time and it was great to see dylan have so much fun.

we also got a chance to go to our first Durham Bulls Baseball game. I am not sure if they won because it was getting so late but we really had alot fun together. The light the night walk is one of my favorite events. Families are out, kids, babies, everyone to honor and remember loved ones from all over. I am very excited to be Team Captain this year. This is our 3rd year participating and it just gets more special every year. This year they have gold Balloons for a family member or loved one that was lost to a Blood cancer so that special Balloon I will give to Dylan so that he knows he is doing something very special...

I am not sure if I have ever written this but Donovan visits us every morning bright and early through rainbows. Every morning we wake up and our living room and dining room are filled with rainbows, and Dylan says that his room has even more and that donovan is in his room alot..I am glad we are moving in this direction of acceptance and able to really enjoy the little presents from our sweet Angel...

God Bless and may our Angels always watch over us

Melissa

July 29th 2007
its been a strange day today...Dylan caught up on all of his immunizations for school. Poor thing had to get three shots with 7 different meds..

He knew he had to go to the doctor and had to get a shot so that he could get a sucker but he really got nervous. He wanted to talk to everyone on the phone..I think maybe it was my anxiety that made him anxious...Who knows...it just brings back memories...

I found out today that a dear friend of mine that I have come to know well lost their son Matthew ( from california ). I am so sad...Its was just 4 weeks ago that I spoke with them and they were thinking about going home for a little while.. While they were home he earned his angel wings.

I trained today after I heard the news and I was just so nauseated and sad that I cried for the first couple of miles and then was just sad. I HATE CANCER!!!!!!

Darn it.... I am so sorry Gigi and Ely and Megan for your loss...I will miss you guys.

I will be running in San Franscico for our angels. Maybe I will see you there.

Melissa ( sad )

hey Y'all another long weekend with another really long run.. This 10 miles felt alot better considering the trail we used was a lot smoother and lacked all the major hills from last week...This coming weekend I will be running 13 miles on the beach in naraganssett, Rhode Islan atleast I hope so. Its hard for me to drive so far. I tend to get really sleepy and its a 12 hour drive yikes....So I am hoping that we get to hit the road me and my pickle and meet my parents half way so that I can have my dad with me for the rest of drive...

Dylan hasnt seen my parents in so long..he is so excited to see grammie and papa...Plus he loves this beach...Lots of shells... and of course for me Lobster!!! Yummy... Running on the beach how great!!!!

Cards and Purses are still available for purchase for my San Francisco Run... Please dont hesitate to email me if you would like anything...I also make custom cards and trading cards.

My new motto which I love...Is

Give a LITTLE ~ CHANGE a LOT

Lots of love and my prayers to all

God Bless and may our angels always watch over us.

Melissa mom to my big boy Dylan (Almost 5) and my beloved Angel Donovan

July 26th 2007

Another late night,

Dylan and I watched his new movie from Grammie today. We have been waiting for it for a couple of days and we were so excited we watched it 3 times.. I dropped out after the beginning of the 3rd time, the Movie is the " Sandlot". Its such a great little movie with great one liners...Very cute. A little grown up kid movie for dylan but cute. Plus its a baseball movie and our family loves sports especially Pro Baseball and of course Football...

As I train for this coming Marathon I have been able to reflect alot and read alot. I have learned so much about me and how my life has changed forever and how I want it to be now.

I will never be the same. I hope to be so much better and give back to others, continue to fundraise, continue to raise awareness, and my goal is to be able to volunteer up close and personal with a childrens transplant unit like at Duke although I know that will be very hard but rewarding.

In regards to fundraising I want to thank you all for giving, and for remembering that anyones life can change in AN INSTANT. In one second my sweet newborn had cancer and in another he was an angel.

I just want to help how I can and I am healthy and able to participate in endurance events for The Leukemia and Lymphoma society and will until I am not healthy to do so.

So as I was running my 5 miles today and I read something that touched me Its about banking and saving but to me it pertains to fundraising. The article was titled, " GIVE A LITTLE~ CHANGE A LOT"

That is so true and I hope that all who read this site know that no matter what you give whether it be your time, your words of encouragement, donations, prayers, it all MATTERS!!!

Thank you

May our Angels watch over us and be proud

Melissa

July 21st 2007
good evening

Its been a very long day so I am going to try and make this short but I did want to update a few things.

Operation 26.20 is still in effect for my race for a cure for the Leukemia Society simply donate 26.20 and ask 5 friends to do the same and have them do the same as well.. thank you all so much this means to so much to us to raise money so that the innocent children that we have witness become angels may have more options.

today I had my long run.. And BOY WAS IT LONG!!!!! 10 miles up and down these hills in Cary,NC gosh that was so hard. But I remind myself that its nothing like having cancer and going through chemo. So I run and run and run...

Thank you all so much good night and may our angels watch over us.

Melissa

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 2:00 PM CDT
Hello friends and family

This is the fourth attempt at writing this update so bare with me.....Things are going well here with Dylan he had a great day yesterday at school/camp and then went to a party for siblings of kids on the 5200 unit at DUke. He had a great time and his friend Tessa was there so he felt very comfortable. He has another bday party to go to and geez he is just keeping us very busy. Darren and he will be doing something together tomorrow and Dylan will have alot of fun with that as well.. So our little guy is hopefully feeling a little better. I still have decided that he needs to go back to therapy but I think its the best thing we can do for him.

I am training and training for this San Francisco marathon and of course I am now taking on TEAM CAPTAIN for The LIGHT THE NIGHT WALK TEAM BABY DONOVAN...

FYI: all cards and purses are still available for donations. thank you all so much for helping me fulfill my mission this year for the Leukemia and Lymphoma SOciety.

Melissa- mom to Angel Donovan and Big Boy DYlan almost 5....

The Walk is called American Tobacco Walk and Is September 11th 2007. Also what a great day to remember all of the other folks that were tragically taken that very day.

Please let me know if you are interested in the walk. You dont have to donate to walk....

To make donations here is the link:

www.active.com/donate/ltnRaleig/2228_angeldonovan

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their family

www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

that have had to and are still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 1:47 PM CDT
Dear friends and Family,

Things have been so crazy around here. WE are just going going going....Dylan had a great day at school/camp and then went to a party for Siblings for the 5200 unit here at Duke. He had so much fun and his very good friend Tessa was there so he just loved that very much. I am contiuniung my training and am doing alot more training today. I run and then tonight I do strength training. So I am getting all sorts of workouts in... Dylan has a birthday this weekend so we are going to be so busy this weekend....He will have alot of fun.

FYI: All cards and purses are still available....

Melissa mom to my bestboys Angel Donovan and Big Boy Dylan

The Walk is called American Tobacco Walk and Is September 11th 2007. Also what a great day to remember all of the other folks that were tragically taken that very day.

Please let me know if you are interested in the walk. You dont have to donate to walk....

To make donations here is the link:

www.active.com/donate/ltnRaleig/2228_angeldonovan.

OPERATION 26.2 has begun 26.2 is what I will be running and is what I am hoping that when you read this you will be able to donate a minimum of $26.20 since that is how long I will be running. Yes 26.2 MILES .

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

OPERATION 26.2 has begun 26.2 is what I will be running and is what I am hoping that when you read this you will be able to donate a minimum of $26.20 since that is how long I will be running. Yes 26.2 MILES .

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 1:47 PM CDT
Dear friends and Family,

Things have been so crazy around here. WE are just going going going....Dylan had a great day at school/camp and then went to a party for Siblings for the 5200 unit here at Duke. He had so much fun and his very good friend Tessa was there so he just loved that very much. I am contiuniung my training and am doing alot more training today. I run and then tonight I do strength training. So I am getting all sorts of workouts in... Dylan has a birthday this weekend so we are going to be so busy this weekend....He will have alot of fun.

FYI: All cards and purses are still available....

Melissa mom to my bestboys Angel Donovan and Big Boy Dylan

The Walk is called American Tobacco Walk and Is September 11th 2007. Also what a great day to remember all of the other folks that were tragically taken that very day.

Please let me know if you are interested in the walk. You dont have to donate to walk....

To make donations here is the link:

www.active.com/donate/ltnRaleig/2228_angeldonovan.

OPERATION 26.2 has begun 26.2 is what I will be running and is what I am hoping that when you read this you will be able to donate a minimum of $26.20 since that is how long I will be running. Yes 26.2 MILES .

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

OPERATION 26.2 has begun 26.2 is what I will be running and is what I am hoping that when you read this you will be able to donate a minimum of $26.20 since that is how long I will be running. Yes 26.2 MILES .

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

JUly 15th 2007
It seems so late here and its only 10:30PM... The weekend has been long and tiring, but I made it another long week of training and I have a rest day tomorrow. Every training and race I have ended with a special song just for Donovan. It was his favorite song when we were in indpls at his first hospital, the song is "you are my sunshine". I listened to it today as I finished my crosstraining day and of course got off of the machine and tears flowed. They flow because i love him so much and because of how special all of our friends are and their special children that have also been led down this path not with just cancer but with all sorts of diseases.

Donovan and Dylan are my sunshine and light and through all the darkness and stress I know that they are both loved immensely by a lot of people and of course their mommy, daddy, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins...

I also wanted to let you know that Team Baby Donovan is now official for the Light the Night Walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Like I have said so many times, " my mission is so much greater now as a mom who lost a son and so many friends to cancer that I will do whatever I can to raise money for a variety of charities and for this year it is for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Team baby Donovan will walk in Durham, NC. Please let me know if you would like to walk with out team here in Durham. I will sign you up as a supporter and walker. How neat to have our banner TEAM BABY DONOVAN WITH A BUNCH OF SUPPORTERS BEHIND US.

The Walk is called American Tobacco Walk and Is September 11th 2007. Also what a great day to remember all of the other folks that were tragically taken that very day.

Please let me know if you are interested in the walk. You dont have to donate to walk....

To make donations here is the link:

www.active.com/donate/ltnRaleig/2228_angeldonovan.

Again, I know that many of us dont have much to give so please know that anything will help. I really mean it. The change in your pocket that jingles at the end of the day will help and make a difference.

Many thanks for your support and kindness to our family during this very difficult (to say the least) past couple of years.

melissa, mom to my two sunshines

JUly 14th 2007
Hey everyone

Well it was an early morning today. I got up 5:30M AND THEN WENT TO my training run. I ran the entire 8 miles but I am pretty sore.

ALl the cards and purses are still available. I am still a ways from reaching my goal so please dont forget the smallest donation can make a difference.

I am trying to keep my legs going so that the run doesnt get the best of me. Tomorrow is a cross train day and then monday is a rest day.. Yeah!!!

You ahve to follow such strick rules when training for long runs and endurance events and I have cut out every bad thing possible. Caffeine, wine, sugar, trans fat, everything.

Of course I feel alot better so that is great. I am very excited to get to have this chance to run for my baby and end the year with a great outcome. Raising money for these horrible diseases that just have taken so many of our friends.

Thank you always for your support

Melissa mom to my sweet angel Donovan and my bigger sweetie Dylan

JUly 11th 2007

WEll Its my birthday and I am writing my own Birthday wishes again this year. Its very weird writing your own bday thing. But its been a great day and I couldnt have been more blessed to have a special Son and friend to spend my day with here in NC (still ).... I trained had a great meal, balloons, candles the whole thing... It was gweat as Dylan would say....hahahaha..

Last year, I remember eating my bday cake with my dear friend Michelle and her son Blake and so it brings back very fond memories as well as sad memories becauase I miss them so much.. What great people. I am glad heartbroken to say the least that Blake is an great Angel in heaven but am glad that he is with my little Angel. They are together although another bday with them would have been the icing on my most delicioius Chocolate Molten cake.

God bless our sweet Children and may our angels watch over us as we live daily looking to the stars for answers, faith, and love.

Melissa 7-11-? hahahaha

Friday July 6th 2007

What a day. Could it be more stressful? I just wonder if I will ever get a break. Since Donovan was practically born we woke up not knowing his future and if it was going to be that day that we would get the bad news. Unfortunately we got a lot of bad news.

Today another one of my dear friends and their young young son found out that he has relapsed after 6 months post transplant. Like I said before its never ending. Everyday is just another questions.

It doesnt get better even when you know that your baby is out of pain and cancer free.

Melissa ( very sad and hoping that somehow these precious kids make it through these tough times along with their families)

Thursday july 5th 2007

Hello

TOday has been a happy interesting day. I missed Dylan yesterday because he was with Darren and they had a great day. I was so sad. But I managed to turn that around and I made another project for Donation money towards this next race I am training.

As a friend and I were working on a project I found clips of video of Dylan and DOnovan from last summer. They both were so cute and acting so normal. Like brothers would do, get on eachothers nerves and laugh and be silly. I just wanted to hide in my closet and cry. But I laughed. I cried and then called my mom for reinforcement.

My mission for cancer research for Blood Cancers in children will never stop. These precious children have become so close to my heart. I remember each of the children I have met and then have become angels and know each of them are with my baby.

I know our families are so sad and that will never go away but the memories like the one saw today will become more sweet as my heart heals.

Thank you so much for supporting me through your donations, encouragement, messages, and checking on us still.

peace and love

Melissa mom to the two best boys ever!!!

OPERATION 26.2 has begun 26.2 is what I will be running and is what I am hoping that when you read this you will be able to donate a minimum of $26.20 since that is how long I will be running. Yes 26.2 MILES .

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

JUly 15th 2007
It seems so late here and its only 10:30PM... The weekend has been long and tiring, but I made it another long week of training and I have a rest day tomorrow. Every training and race I have ended with a special song just for Donovan. It was his favorite song when we were in indpls at his first hospital, the song is "you are my sunshine". I listened to it today as I finished my crosstraining day and of course got off of the machine and tears flowed. They flow because i love him so much and because of how special all of our friends are and their special children that have also been led down this path not with just cancer but with all sorts of diseases.

Donovan and Dylan are my sunshine and light and through all the darkness and stress I know that they are both loved immensely by a lot of people and of course their mommy, daddy, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins...

I also wanted to let you know that Team Baby Donovan is now official for the Light the Night Walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Like I have said so many times, " my mission is so much greater now as a mom who lost a son and so many friends to cancer that I will do whatever I can to raise money for a variety of charities and for this year it is for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Team baby Donovan will walk in Durham, NC. Please let me know if you would like to walk with out team here in Durham. I will sign you up as a supporter and walker. How neat to have our banner TEAM BABY DONOVAN WITH A BUNCH OF SUPPORTERS BEHIND US.

The Walk is called American Tobacco Walk and Is September 11th 2007. Also what a great day to remember all of the other folks that were tragically taken that very day.

Please let me know if you are interested in the walk. You dont have to donate to walk....

To make donations here is the link:

www.active.com/donate/ltnRaleig/2228_angeldonovan.

Again, I know that many of us dont have much to give so please know that anything will help. I really mean it. The change in your pocket that jingles at the end of the day will help and make a difference.

Many thanks for your support and kindness to our family during this very difficult (to say the least) past couple of years.

melissa, mom to my two sunshines

JUly 14th 2007
Hey everyone

Well it was an early morning today. I got up 5:30M AND THEN WENT TO my training run. I ran the entire 8 miles but I am pretty sore.

ALl the cards and purses are still available. I am still a ways from reaching my goal so please dont forget the smallest donation can make a difference.

I am trying to keep my legs going so that the run doesnt get the best of me. Tomorrow is a cross train day and then monday is a rest day.. Yeah!!!

You ahve to follow such strick rules when training for long runs and endurance events and I have cut out every bad thing possible. Caffeine, wine, sugar, trans fat, everything.

Of course I feel alot better so that is great. I am very excited to get to have this chance to run for my baby and end the year with a great outcome. Raising money for these horrible diseases that just have taken so many of our friends.

Thank you always for your support

Melissa mom to my sweet angel Donovan and my bigger sweetie Dylan

JUly 11th 2007

WEll Its my birthday and I am writing my own Birthday wishes again this year. Its very weird writing your own bday thing. But its been a great day and I couldnt have been more blessed to have a special Son and friend to spend my day with here in NC (still ).... I trained had a great meal, balloons, candles the whole thing... It was gweat as Dylan would say....hahahaha..

Last year, I remember eating my bday cake with my dear friend Michelle and her son Blake and so it brings back very fond memories as well as sad memories becauase I miss them so much.. What great people. I am glad heartbroken to say the least that Blake is an great Angel in heaven but am glad that he is with my little Angel. They are together although another bday with them would have been the icing on my most delicioius Chocolate Molten cake.

God bless our sweet Children and may our angels watch over us as we live daily looking to the stars for answers, faith, and love.

Melissa 7-11-? hahahaha

Friday July 6th 2007

What a day. Could it be more stressful? I just wonder if I will ever get a break. Since Donovan was practically born we woke up not knowing his future and if it was going to be that day that we would get the bad news. Unfortunately we got a lot of bad news.

Today another one of my dear friends and their young young son found out that he has relapsed after 6 months post transplant. Like I said before its never ending. Everyday is just another questions.

It doesnt get better even when you know that your baby is out of pain and cancer free.

Melissa ( very sad and hoping that somehow these precious kids make it through these tough times along with their families)

Thursday july 5th 2007

Hello

TOday has been a happy interesting day. I missed Dylan yesterday because he was with Darren and they had a great day. I was so sad. But I managed to turn that around and I made another project for Donation money towards this next race I am training.

As a friend and I were working on a project I found clips of video of Dylan and DOnovan from last summer. They both were so cute and acting so normal. Like brothers would do, get on eachothers nerves and laugh and be silly. I just wanted to hide in my closet and cry. But I laughed. I cried and then called my mom for reinforcement.

My mission for cancer research for Blood Cancers in children will never stop. These precious children have become so close to my heart. I remember each of the children I have met and then have become angels and know each of them are with my baby.

I know our families are so sad and that will never go away but the memories like the one saw today will become more sweet as my heart heals.

Thank you so much for supporting me through your donations, encouragement, messages, and checking on us still.

peace and love

Melissa mom to the two best boys ever!!!

OPERATION 26.2 has begun 26.2 is what I will be running and is what I am hoping that when you read this you will be able to donate a minimum of $26.20 since that is how long I will be running. Yes 26.2 MILES .

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

Friday, June 29, 2007 8:02 PM CDT
Hello family and friends

Still here and hoping the days will get easier and easier but for some reason I pray and pray hope that I may feel the presence of Donovan in my dreams in my heart everywhere. Its so hard to concentrate long enough to feel his sweetness without completely falling into the crying sad trap. So I try hard to smile and I come to his site often to see his face his playful little face.

How I miss him so..

But I know our lives are so much more enriched and blessed and changed for the better because of him. I just get lost sometimes..

Dylan is showing more signs of his confusion and anger. He drew a picture of really dark markings and I just know he is holding so much inside and he just doesnt know what to do.. But then in an instant he is happy again and playing silly games, we dance together, and watch car movies hotwheels car movies to be exact. And we make ramps and all sorts of crazy routes for his cars so we can be like the movie..

I really think we are getting somewhere and I am so glad that many of you have come back to the site to offer your kind words of encouragement. Thank you it means so much to us.

Melissa ( so bummed nothing good is on TV to take my mind of other things ( stressful things)...

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.
I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALL monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

Friday, June 29, 2007 8:02 PM CDT
Hello family and friends

Still here and hoping the days will get easier and easier but for some reason I pray and pray hope that I may feel the presence of Donovan in my dreams in my heart everywhere. Its so hard to concentrate long enough to feel his sweetness without completely falling into the crying sad trap. So I try hard to smile and I come to his site often to see his face his playful little face.

How I miss him so..

But I know our lives are so much more enriched and blessed and changed for the better because of him. I just get lost sometimes..

Dylan is showing more signs of his confusion and anger. He drew a picture of really dark markings and I just know he is holding so much inside and he just doesnt know what to do.. But then in an instant he is happy again and playing silly games, we dance together, and watch car movies hotwheels car movies to be exact. And we make ramps and all sorts of crazy routes for his cars so we can be like the movie..

I really think we are getting somewhere and I am so glad that many of you have come back to the site to offer your kind words of encouragement. Thank you it means so much to us.

Melissa ( so bummed nothing good is on TV to take my mind of other things ( stressful things)...

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

I am selling these cards for the San Francisco Run. They are 3 dollars each and come with a very adorable matching envelope. Please email me if you are interested. I will pay for shipping. Minimum order is 5 cards. Thank you so much. ALl monies go directly to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. You can make your check out to LLS and send it directly to my address at the bottom of the page. Or simply use your credit card and purchase cards on the website for my run that is above.

Thank you all so much for your support for this great cause and for me to Run for my precious Baby and for all the children that suffer from these terrible blood Cancers!!!!

Tuesday June 26th 2007
I have recently found out that one of our very special and dear friend lost her battle with Lung Cancer. Mary Margaret was the art therapist for the 5200 unit and the clinic and was the most creative,caring, giving, and wonderful lady. She would take dylan all the time when donovan had to have procedures done or take him out of the room when things got hairy. She was a Gem that shined no matter what the day and I am so deeply saddened. I know that Donovan greeted her with the biggest smile just like all of the other children.

Thanks to my faithful followers that have returned to Donovans site. I have had a rough couple of weeks and really couldnt figure out how to fix it.

Then I thought about trying to fix me maybe I am the problem. But that faded as I keep telling myself I am trying to do good things by raising money for a great cause my precious teddy bear Donovan and every child and family that has ever been challenged by cancer.

I am so glad to see my sons caringbridge family coming back because it helps me so much through the day to keep reminding me that although things so rough and I feel like every morning I am walking through concrete I have so much to be thankful for...I have so much and I have been so sad and so stressed that it became comepletely overwhelming.

Today was a good day. Dylan and I participated in a FUNDRAISING EXTRAVAGANZA at WAlMART to raise money for the Sanfrancisco run... We Sold over 300 dozen donuts... Dylan was a hit. I think he sold the most... hahhaa... He really enjoyed it but then the heat set in and he was so tired. But it felt so good to be with the team and really fighting to get people realize that CANCER changes lives and they will never be the same again.. Some better, some worse, who knows... But it brought awareness and for that I am grateful.. Little did people know that babies could get cancer at 5 weeks old.

Thanks again for following and for supporting us.

peace and love

Melissa

Folks this is my last event I am participating in for the year in which I will be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society please help me blow this one out of the water. ANything will help small or large whatever you can do. Please know that we are all making a difference one step at a time. Here is where you can donate for my precious teddy bear and all the children and their families that have had to and still living through this nightmare Called CANCER!!!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address. Please also make sure to write that it is for Melissa Rasmussen Nikes Womans full marathon so that it goes to the right place.You also might need to include a check stub or such to prove the donation.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 8:59 AM CDT
Good Morning

It is hot hot hot here in North Carolina... I think we will be having a very hot summer.. Yikes...

Our Air conditioning went out last night and it was 80 degrees in the house I thought it was hot but wasnt sure what was happeing..

Dylan is back from his vacation and I couldnt be happier.. He had a great time and lots of stories. BUt I missed him so much...

My little dilly bar is back and we are playing and swimming all the time..

I am still training for the San Francisco Marathon but right now I have to do brisk walking for the next week. Gosh if I am not injured it something else what the heck?

Who knows stress I guess..

So many things going on all at once...But thats how it always is..

Thank you so much for everyone leaving such great messages. Its been hard and sometimes it gets harder but I am trying so hard to just get through one day at a time.

With love

Melissa

Here is where you can donate

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 12:01 PM CDT

Once again late nights gets the mind rolling.. I realized today that my prayers have changed.. I pray to God Surrender myself to God but mostly I talk to Donny.. I talk to him as if he were here sitting next to me as he always did. I cry through some of it..But I mostly, hope that he watches over our little family in health,etc.

I am training somewhat for San Francisco but I still have a herniated disk and need to be careful in my training. I went for a 15 mile bike ride yesterday and ran the day before. I feel so free with my life and the life of Dylan when I am able to let my thoughts just run out of my head or ride...

I can think of our future although I live one day at a time. Not knowing what the future will really bring for he and I but that we will be happy because we are together.

Dylan is on a great trip right now with Darren and Darrens entire family in florida. It sounds like he is really having a great time but he did tell me he is excited to come home to mommy as I am for him to come home too.

Its amazing how life changes in directions that you never expect and it just keeps changing and changing. I sure hope that our days get better and brighter and DYlan will have a fully enriched and cultured life. Not to mention empathy and humility for which he has seen him self and not to take anything for granted.

I learned the hard way as my Mom always said, "I never made anything easy or took the easy way out." I will run the 26.2 miles somehow someway with my physical therapist and the help of my orthopedist and of course Donations.

God Bless all the children that are suffering, struggling, fighting, and the angels that watch over them including my teddy bear.. that I miss more than any word or words could ever capture.

Melissa

Here is where you can donate

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Thursday, June 7, 2007 11:34 PM CDT
Well its late as usual for me as my mind wanders and wanders.

My body is really worn out from lake tahoe..I have been sleeping alot and just plain worn out. So now I am up late and I dont seem to have the fatigue or sleepiness I did this afternoon.

Lake Tahoe was absolutely beautiful...We had such a great time.. Dylan really enjoyed the mountains, and was really amazed that there was still snow on the tops...He was also very proud to show off the picture I brought to wear on my back of Donovan as his little brother... I was brought to tears many times throughout the trip at the comments Dylan would make or just the gestures he would make to me and the other people cycling.

At one point, Dylan said," mommy we are in the clouds this is where Donny lives, its beautiful up here."

If only I had that ounce of innocence and purity like that of a little child...I held back tears; I at this moment am trying to hold back tears...He wore my medal proudly and reminded everyone that he was only 4 so his mommy had to do the bike ride instead... It was really cute.

I was very nervous about this 100 mile bike ride...I have a herniated disk in my neck that happened who knows how long ago but I have been dealing with it for over a month. I have numb fingers, pain, muscle spasms,the whole deal with a herniated disk.

So I had to stop training with my team here in NC and only inside since I couldnt use my arms or hands as it would put too much pressure on my neck.

I had two visits with my Radiologist Dr Grey ( how cool) and she injected steroids and whatever else they do to help ease the pain. But I was still having problems with my elbow so that is why I had to go again...It was me this time under the CT scan, having MRI's. It was very strange.
the doctors knew that I had to go and do this ride and did everything to get me through it.. They did and I am so grateful...Needless to say I was really nervous about this trip.

I trained with my legs only. The day before the race we trained I put my hands back on the handle bars and road up 15 miles and 15 down for a total of 30 miles up and down the toughest climb of the ride the next day. I made it up the hill with barely a problem other than trying to figure out how to clip back into pedals on a hill...Ooops I tipped over...and for a gooofy picture.. Oh well..the pic is funny..

But I managed to figure out how to do it and then continued up this extremely difficult hill. We went from Sea level basically 0 to about 8000 feet.. Dont quote me but I believe that is how high we got.

I rode the entire 100 miles. I didnt walk my bike, or feel fatigued to stop. I just kept riding and riding. thinking of everyone I knew and of course my own special teddy bear.

Thank you everyone for making this possible and for giving to the leukemia society. I found out at the dinner before the race that because of the money raised over the years another new cancer drug came available for Blood cancers. This is a huge feat as I come from the pharmaceutical industry and know how long it can take to develop a new drug and get it to market.

Please know that the money raised does mean something, small or large. It could save a life and maybe someday a cure. Maybe not in my lifetime but in someones life time.

Peace

Melissa

Here is where you can donate

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 8:46 AM CDT
I am back and boy it was worth the trouble, stress, and complete craziness we had getting there and back. THANK YOU TO COLLEEN for Calling TNT in RENO TO HELP US THANK YOU SO MUCH DAWNA!!!!

I will write more later because I am so behind on so many things..

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT MADE THIS HAPPEN. Donovan and all our angels were there and our fighters...

love

Melissa mom to my precious boys Donovan and DYlan

As I venture on my next expedition for a great cause and another very BIG learning experience: The ride is sunday not saturday oops, and an economy car will not hold a bike box with a bike in it. Big Laughs on my part.. OOOPPPPSS

I know that this is the right thing to do and will be another emotional experience.

Thanks to Alex and Dawn for helping us get my bike to fit into the bike box...

Although today will be my last entry until I get back From Tahoe I will be riding for all of our children and their struggles, fights, and their families continued efforts to maintain their lives as normal as possible and for all the Angels that have passed through our lives and have really touched us.

To all of you I will ride the 100 miles in tahoe and think of each of you all.. Thank you to all of you that helped support this ride and the efforts that I am taking on this year to KICK CANCERS BUTT big TIME...

Here is my next venture for those of you that can anything helps big and small. I will be taking on my next challenge of riding a full marathon in San Francisco.

Here is where you can donate

http://www.active.com/donate/tntenc/tntencmrasmus3

Please cut and paste into browser to donate.

Peace be with you all,

Melissa

Some new photos in the view photos..
Dylan and I had a great time in Myrtle beach... Although, we didnt realize that it was this is what they call it african american black bike week. So it was loud but neat to see all the cool bikes and cars all crazy. We camped out and a great time.

Tahoe here I come....

Peace

Melissa

Good Morning

I woke to the singing of birds and a rainbow in my little apartment.. Dylan and I think its Donovan showing that he is with us. The rainbow is coming from the reflector from my bike that I will be riding in tahoe for the Leukemia Society. I think that its a sign. I am meant to ride this great ride in a beautiful place of nature where I can reflect and think of my precious baby and all our friends Struggling, fighting and all the angels that we have come to know.

In my heart, I know that all these events and the pain that I go through training and injuries will mean something. It will mean that these children are in my heart as I go through each mile I will remember them all of them.

I am running the San Francisco Nike Womans Marathon in October and start training when I get back from Tahoe. I am not doing these events because it will be easy. I am doing them for all these precious kids that I have come to know so well that I saw perservere during the worst of times. So I know I can do it..

While I was rumaging through things for our weekend at the beach I found Donovans favorite toy. The TMX Elmo. It instantly turned my tears into laughter. He loved that thing so much.

It would be midnight on the 5200 unit and the nurses and I and Donovan would be watching Elmo as he made us laugh time after time..

I will have the site for Donations to the Leukemia Society Run in a couple days. Please know that this is only for the Leukemia society and the only benefit I get is that I am running and biking my heart out for all of our dear friends.

have a great weekend...

peace and love

Melissa....

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 8:05 AM CDT
Good Morning Donovan fans and our family

The past couple days have been quite emotional.. I know that grief comes and goes. But when it hits it hits hard and of course it can come in all different ways: anger, depression, lethargy, everything...

I am have been pretty drippy these days but of course I do it on a bike while I finish my major training before next week when I official 100 mile ride begins..

Its going to be nice to get away.. Dylan and I really need to just get away.. I am bringing a friend to watch Dylan and of course cheer me on at the start line, middle, and finish line..

this is another great feat that will continue my mission of kicking the beast of CANCER...

I am running a marathon in October and I have 4 months to train so I am half way there since I have already done a half marathon and will be riding a 100 miles so my physical shape will be great. my endurance will be great... dylan wants to train with me so badly.. Its so sweet...

He is just the most adorable and sweet child... I am actually tearing up because he is really adjusting aso well and it makes me so happy...He has his days and he is really articulate when he talk to me about everything..

which helps me alot to find a way to make him feel safe, loved, and special...

Please dont forget my dear friends that are struggling so hard to beat this CANCER beast... I can barely get on my site so please send them well wishes and hug your children every day that you have them.. Because I go to bed not having my baby every night and every morning..

When Dylan wakes up I feel like something is missing..

By the way, Rocky Balboa the movie is so great and so inspirational and just reminds me that I am doing what I need to do is to keep getting punched and go and do the right thing do matter what. And that is what I will do.

THANK YOU ALL THAT HAVE EMAILED ME AND CONTINUE TO CARE ABOUT OUR FAMILY...THANK YOU...I AM HUMBLED AND JUST REMIDNED THAT THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD PEOPLE THAT DO CARE.

Peace

Melissa

Saturday, May 19, 2007 7:28 AM CDT
Its saturday morning. On days like this I would usually take both boys to the gym and they would watch their cartoons and I would run.

they mere mesmerized by all the Tv's playing their favorite shows, like the wiggles, little einsteins, and such.

I am still very sad. People ask me almost everyday day oh is this your only son (talking about Dylan) and I say no I have two. And if dylan is with me he makes sure to tell the people that his little brother is in Heaven.

I miss you baby and your sweet smile, but I remind myself that I will see you again, and that you are now CANCER free and feeling great. And of course watching down on all of us.

Today Dylan and I are going to see the movie SHREK 3. And maybe go the the park. I have to pay some bills which of course is hard since its just me and Dylan.

My Ride is coming so fast. I did a reall dumb thing that I am really worried about. I thought the ride was Saturday June 2nd and it turns out that the ride is June 3rd. Well Our return flight s are are June 3rd and now the penalties are almost 600.00 dollars. I made a big mistake. I am not askink you all help me. I am just venting...I really am just so bummed that stress has made me so forgetful.

We all make mistakes but this one is completelt my fault. I was stressed, doing too much, and trying to be the perfect everything that I booked the flights wrong.

So ce la vie ( in french) We have tried every angle but to no avail. Oh well.

This ride means so much to me. It means alot to dylan.. He is so excited. At the mini marathon he gave me a rose and knew that it was a special day adn this time after I come racing on my bike after 6 hours of riding I wonder what he will do... He wanted to take his bike on the plane too but of course we cant. so He will just watch as I wear the names of all of friends fighting, struggling, and holding on to their lives adn of course our angel friends that they help us along the way and help watch over my little donovan.

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU THAT MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO RIDE FOR ALL THESE KIDS.. I KNOW IT WAS A TOUGH GOAL BUT I KNOW ITS FOR A GOOD CAUSE AND SOMEHOW IT WOULD WORK OUT... OUR CHILDREN ARE EVERYTHING TO US AND WE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM AND THAT IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT DONOVAN...

DYLAN AND I ARE REALLY BONDING AGAIN AND IT FEELS SO GOOD.. HE KNOWS THAT I AM HERE FOR HIM NO MATTER WHAT..

I WENT TO SEE HIS PYSCHOLOGIST AND THE PYSCHOLOGIST SAID THAT HE SOUNDS LIKE HE IS REALLY ADJUSTIN WELL AND THAT HE DIDNT NEED TO COME ANYMORE. tHAT NEWS WAS GREAT TO HEAR..

DYLAN IS REALLY DOING GREAT.. AND AS A MOM YOU KNOW THAT ITS SO IMPORTANT FOR THEM TO KNOW THEY ARE SAFE, AND IN LOVING ARMS.

THANK YOU SINCERELY

MELISSA ( I HAVE BEEN SO TIRED I MISSED GREYS ANATOMY AGAIN FOR THE THIRD TIME)

Thursday, May 17, 2007 10:07 AM CDT
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

I MADE MY GOAL FOR TAHOE YEAH YEAH YEAH

PEACE

MELISSA THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH I AM RIDING FOR ALL OF OUR KIDS THAT CONTINUE TO FIGHT, STRUGGLE, AND ALL THE SWEET ANGELS LOOKING OVER US.

Wednesday May 16th 2007
I think I am getting an extension for raising the last little bit I need for Tahoe..I am really really close its only a matter of a few hundred dollars.. I can smell it but I still need more help. Anything will help a dollar, 5 dollars, anything....

So if you can please donate to this great cause...

I thought I would add a couple of words of thought....

I have never been known to take the easy way out of anything...For example, I was adanment to learn how to drive a stick shift car. So instead of just practicing and practicing on others cars. I went out and just bought one..This was my first car out of college a Volkswagon Jetta. My pride and joy..

I drove off the lot not knowing at all how to drive it.. I cried for two weeks until I got the hang of it... I called in friends to pick me up and to drive me and my car home all sorts of things..

So when I took on this journey of fundraising I knew it wasnt going to be easy..

In fact, I am so close its just a matter of hundreds until I get there.

I am going to use extra if I can for the marathon I am going to run in OCtober.

So Folks, character building isnt about taking the easy way and I am proud to say that donovan didnt take the easy way and Neither will I.

So nasty CANCER beast just look out because I am on a rampage to get some stuff done....

Melissa

I hope all moms had a great day yesterday!!!

I am glad this one is over and excited for next years where there isnt as much emotion attached..But it probably will have alot but who knows....

PLEASE REMEMBER IF YOU HAVE OR CAN MY DONATION FOR TAHOE IS UP VERY SOON!!!! EVERYTHING COUNTS< EVERY DOLLAR SO PLEASE IF YOU HAVE 5, 10, dollars whatever it all adds up...

My precious DOnovan and all my friends will be represented at this ride and Especially my special friend Brendan that earned his angel wings a couple of days ago. He was great kid with determination beyond comprehension...

He was transplanted twice and he was tranplanted twice with Donovan so I know they are together now..

Peace

Melissa

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to Every Mother and especially my mother who has relentlessly put her life on hold to help out whenever needed. Mom I love you and am proud to be your Daughter..

Today was a great day.. Dylan and I and some friends did a Sam Club shake to try and get more donations for My 100 mile bike ride that is coming in less than a month (YIKES) Kind of nervous...My shoulder still is a problem but hopefully it will be better soon...I can still ride of trainer but cant put my hands on the bars.

But It keeps the legs moving...

So at Sams Club we saw alot of familiar faces and we just had a lot of fun...My friend got bubbles and we had the cow bells from the mini marathon from last weekend and we were just a riot..

UNfortunately we had a torentual downpour so we had to call it quits early but no problem we did ok...

Dylan was the cutest he kept pointing out DOnny in the pictures and of course him and his red eyes...Ooops forgot to use a good camera on that shot...he was just screaming give money for my baby brother hes in heaven. It was a little strange but he was just so cute that it was really sweet.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day. I have it planned so that Dylan and I have a very packed day. Because last years mothers day was so horrible that I just want to forget it. So I say move on with this mothers day hang with my litlle guy and some friends and nexts years mothers day will be alot better.

Once again please pray for the little ones that endure so much and their families especially the moms tomorrow. We need all the help we can get sometimes..

Melissa ( still havent caught up on greys anatomy I am really behind)

Friday, May 11, 2007 5:05 PM CDT
Today has been a good day...

Nothing much going on but lots of fun with dylan...We played baseball outside and he is good at it...It truly amazes me that he has got such great athletic ability and has been showing it for some time now..

donovan also had that athletic ability..I sure know that donovan is looking down from heaven at us playing and knowing that we are doing things that loved to do and think of him while doing it.

Deadline for monies for Tahoe MAY 15th 2007

The ribbons around my waist are my heroes in orange survivors and fighters, and white are my special friends and angels...

Please continue to pray for my special little friends that really need the continued positive messages and support to get through the most difficult of times..

Melissa

paste and copy into browser

www.active.com/donate/tntenc/angeldonovan1

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007 11:32 AM CDT
If only I had the words to share at this time the sadness I have been feeling since I have learned about the nastiness and absurdity going on with my precious Donovans website.

The race saturday was a great race day: perfect weather, my family was there, and most of all Dylan got to watch his mom cross the finish line hopefully to get closer to a cure. Dylan rushed over to me after I crossed the finish line and handed me a single red rose. At that Point the tears were flowing heavily and I knew I was doing the right thing. dylan told me I was doing the right thing..He kept saying over and over this is a good thing isnt it mommy or he would say to my mom or dad..he said it often..

I care so deeply for the children who have been stricken with these illnesses and it means alot to me to try and help in some way since financially its impossible.

Because so many negative things have come out of this website I would like to start over.

Darren and I love our kids deeply. But at this time he and I are no longer together nor is there going to be a time that we will reconcile and I will leave it at that..

This website has been my rock that helped me through so many tough days, very sad, scary, and emotional days and I know that by getting rid of this page would be just another sad thing to add to the list so I am keeping it up and protected from hopefully all the ugliness that it became.

I miss my teddy bear so much but I am trying so hard to keep my feet moving forward...Because Dylan is now my main focus and his happiness is what I care for.

Just a reminder I am still not at my goal for Lake tahoe 100 mile bike ride. For those of you who are interested in donating the info is still at the bottom.

Thank you all for your kindness, love, support,generosity, messaages of hope, and making me feel that there is goodness in people.

Melissa

paste and copy into browser

www.active.com/donate/tntenc/angeldonovan1

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address.

With a heavy heart and a mission to Kick Cancers BUTT so that other children and their families will not have to go through all that we have gone through in such a short amount of time.

Happy May DAY 1st 2007
4 days and counting until my first endurance race for baby Donovan and everyone fighting and for those who have past and are now angels like my precious Teddy Bear.

Dylan is really excited to go back to indianapolis and my parents are going to be welcoming us there too as they now live in chicago.

I am very excited and cant wait to see so many people that I havent seen in forever and how the city has changed since I was last there in october '05. Gosh time flies right by you?

My dad is getting ready to pass out gatorade to all the runners and walkers and is thrilled to volunteer at 5AM.

I leave tomorrow so that I dont have to drive the whole amount in one day.

But If I feel good I may just drive straight through.

Dont forget May 15th is the deadline for the donations for the 100 mile bike ride. Please look down a little further to find the link.

Thank you all so much for continuing to lift our family in prayer, love, generosity, and caring. Life can feel so bleek at times but it is this site that really helps me besides my family and friends here with me. Thank you all so much I am very humbled.

Melissa

GOod morning my friends and family,

The Auction is over and came in at 100.00 yeah I am getting closer and closer and closer to my goal.

THANK YOU SO MUCH MIDGE....You are the best and its all going to help all my little friends fighting like crazy just like my teddy bear did...

MONEY NEEDED FOR TAHOE IS May 15th, 15 more days y'all. SO IF YOU ARE ABLE TO HELP A GREAT CAUSE PLEASE DO IN MEMORY OF DONOVAN.

paste and copy into browser

www.active.com/donate/tntenc/angeldonovan1

www.active.com/donate/tntenc/angeldonovan1

Here is the address for Company matching: LLS 401 Harrison Oaks Blvd Suite 200 Cary, NC 27513. Most companies have a form to be filled out and then you just send it off to the above address.

With a heavy heart and a mission to Kick Cancers BUTT so that other children and their families will not have to go through all that we have gone through in such a short amount of time.

Wednesday March 7th 2007
WELL FOLKS HERE COMES MY MISSION FOR THIS YEAR AND I HOPE THAT Y'ALL WILL HELP ME SOMEHOW BRING MORE AWARENESS TO CHILDHOOD CANCERS, ESPECIALLY BLOOD CANCERS LIKE LEUKEMIA.

I hope that when you are all thinking of donating to The leukemia and Lymphoma society that you remember not only Baby Donovan and his battle but so many others. I just read tonight that another one of the kids from our crew the first time around has just relapsed from his second transpant. I am deeply saddened and hope that these events I train so hard for and raise money for will do something for these precious children, adults and their families.

I WILL BE RUNNING THE HALF MARATHON IN INDPLS MAY 3- 13.1 MILES.... Need to raise 1450.00

Money Needs to be met by April 10th 2007 for mini marathon...My parents are going to be handing out gatorade and so is Dylan its going to be really cute... I am so excited...This will be the first time I have been back to Indianapolis since we left over a year and a half ago...

I WILL BE CYCLING THE 100 MILE one day LAKE TAHOE RACE JUNE 3 4550 DOLLARS- 45 people at 1 dollar a mile

LASTLY, I WILL BE FULFILLING ANOTHER DREAM IN MY HOME TOWN WHICH IS TO RUN THE FULL CHICAGO MARATHON ON OCTOBER 2nd 26.2 miles (I think). 3400.00 DOLLARS

HOpefully that doesnt seem that bad to me I know we can raise the funds for cancer and For BABY D.

ALL MONEY WILL GO TO THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY.

PLEASE HELP IN DONATIONS...THE AMOUNT I NEED TO RAISE IS PRETTY STEAP its around 11,000.00 DOLLARS BUT THE RAMIFICATIONS OF NO FUNDS MEANS LESS RESEARCH OR MORE PRECIOUS BABIES LIKE MY SWEET DONOVAN NOT MAKING IT TO ENJOY ALL THE GOOD THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER.

Wednesday March 7th 2007

Happy Birthday sis...I hope you had a great day.

Nothing is really going on around here...I am trying to keep myself busy as the beginning of the week proved to be very sad and now I am feeling a little better. I just miss my little guy so much and I talk about him all the time and remember all the silly things he used to do.. His favorite words mamamama and Ball. His favorite band the beatles, song-the yellow submarine, loved playing with his brother and especially teasing him by pulling his hair or taking his blankie, he was such a little prankster.He would pat the bed or chair or whatever for you to come and sit next to him. Everytime he saw Sue our NP he had to have her stethoscope. And of course my personal favorite when he would grab my cheeks and kiss me.

What a special little boy I had and still have in my heart and memories forever. he had such a great spirit about him it was strange..he was like an old soul in a little baby body.

DYlan is doing better without all the company here and he is doing well at school..Which makes me so happy.
He is such a sweet little guy and he is so much fun...We played football in the hallway tonight for like an hour and unfortunately he only caught the ball 4 times and only got hurt once. i thought that was pretty ok.

darren is still in virginia and will be there for a while it seems.

We are all just trying to cope the best we can and I think that we are doing a pretty decent job given the circumstances.

Thank you all so much for the love, support, kindness, encouragement, donations to help further research for Leukemia and for all that you have done to make so many things happen for our family during the worst of times.

I feel so blessed and am refreshed to know there are true honest people out there that really care. My faith was a little sketchy before all this and now its not. Alot of things are different now and I am glad.

Please continue to pray for my very dear friends, Alexia, Noelle, Ally, Brenden and everyone else struggling to fight their way through these ugly diseases.

God Bless

Melissa ( I think greys is a rerun again tomorrow I am so bummed)

SUNDAY MARCH 4 TH

Gosh I dont even know what to write. some times I just am too sad or nothing really special happened or to me some things are just the normal everday things like trying to keep going and going..

Dylans teacher said he was having a hard time the past couple of days at school.. He hasnt wanted to play with his friends or he just doesnt want to do anything.

I feel his sadness and do my best to help him throuh it. He still sees his therapist so I think that has made a difference but grammie and papa are gone now and I think he is really sad about that..But hopefully he knows they are just a phone call away. He talked with them alot today. he wanted papa to pick out his movie tonight and so I helped him and he was ok with that..i think he thought papa was coming back tonight from arizona to pick out a movie so he was a little sad but I laid with him for a while until he fell asleep and that made him feel better..

I am so glad that dylan is such a sweet sensitive boy. He is so kind and fun.. We danced around today like we used to do and it was so nice.

Darren is in virginia working for longer than he thought..SO now it may turn out to be 3 or 4 weeks instead of 2.. We are having difficult times as I am sure most of you can all imagine so please understand that my intentions arent to leave him out. there is just not that much to say other than we are really trying to do our best everyday...

Please remember my friends in your prayers...

melissa

Good Morning family and friends,

Another day in a new place. Its seems so strange to me that I am in a new place yet again. I know it seems cool to Dylan but for me its just another displaced living experience. I have always dreamt of a place that I could stay forever and just be...

I have been dislocated for so long that I have no real sense of home and I know home is where the heart is but to me I am still sad and especially since I am missing my little teddy bear isnt here with me.

Everything here is going ok but I do have that sense great loss and pain and I am trying hard to live my life go on be there for Dylan....

Dylan is really doing pretty well... He has his moments when he is sad and gets fristrated but I help him through it and his teachers and therapists help him through it too.

Please continue to pray for my dear friends that are fighting for their lives.. This is so SERIOUS this disease is the BEAST.

I am going to do whatever I can to raise this money to help find someway to give back.

I am not even sure if folks have done so many events in one year but I am because I know that Donovan suffered and perservered and all these kids do too so will I...

Please try and DONATE WHAT YOU CAN FOR THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY FOR BABY DONOVAN AND ALL OUR FRIENDS THAT HAVE LOST THEIR LIVES TO THESE TERRIBLE DISEASES AND FIGHTING RIGHT NOW.

WITH MUCH HOPE

MELISSA (yeah for greys tomorrow)

PLease also check in with your companies as they will match your funds..

HERE IS THE WEBSITE BELOW

http://www.active.com/donate/tntin/angeldonovan

THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE!!!! YEAH

With a heavy heart and a mission to kick cancers BUTT big TIME!!!

Melissa

Saturday, February 24, 2007 10:31 PM CST
Hello my Dear family and friends

The old cottage is empty and we are now in a nice quaint little apartment not far from our other place.

Its quite surreal and sad moving.. Everytime I move I feel I have left a little bit of myself there. I miss my old homes, apartments, and condos. But am excited to move on and get a fresh start.

Dylan thinks its great..Somehow he equates all these moves with us being rich. So far since we have lived in North Carolina we have moved three times so he is really thinking we are well off.

I wish I could write and say that the pain, sorrow and sadness have somehow disapated but they havent. I tear or flat at cry everyday. I miss my baby so much. I know so much in my heart through my faith that he is really watching out for me and our family. I can feel that special warmth of him ever so slightly. I sure hope Dylan does too because Dylan really misses him..and he is who I am really worried about.

Please continue to pray for my very dear friends, Noelle, Alexia, Bryce, Kallie, and all the other little ones struggling and fighting for their lives.

Darren is doing as well as can be expected as we all are...he is working hard and mostly out of town working.. Unfortunately Dylan wont be able to make that road trip with him after all..

God Bless

Melissa ( no football tomorrow... thank goodness for the Oscars lol)

WELL FOLKS HERE COMES MY MISSION FOR THIS YEAR AND I HOPE THAT Y'ALL WILL HELP ME SOMEHOW BRING MORE AWARENESS TO CHILDHOOD CANCERS, ESPECIALLY BLOOD CANCERS LIKE LEUKEMIA.

I WILL BE RUNNING THE HALF MARATHON IN INDPLS MAY 3- 13.1 MILES.... Need to raise 1450.00 14 people for 100 bucks

I WILL BE CYCLING THE 100 MILE one day LAKE TAHOE RACE JUNE 3 4550- 45 people at 100 dollars a mile

LASTLY, I WILL BE FULFILLING ANOTHER DREAM IN MY HOME TOWN WHICH IS TO RUN THE FULL CHICAGO MARATHON IN OCTOBER 2nd 26.2 miles (I think). 3400.00 34 people at 100 dollars...

HOpefully that doesnt seem that bad to me I know we can raise the funds for cancer and For BABY D.

ALL MONEY WILL GO TO THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY.

PLEASE HELP IN DONATIONS...THE AMOUNT I NEED TO RAISE IS PRETTY STEAP its around 11,000.00 DOLLARS BUT THE RAMIFICATIONS OF NO FUNDS MEANS LESS RESEARCH OR MORE PRECIOUS BABIES LIKE MY SWEET DONOVAN NOT MAKING IT TO ENJOY ALL THE GOOD THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER.

PLease also check in with your companies as they will match your funds..

HERE IS THE WEBSITE BELOW

http://www.active.com/donate/tntin/angeldonovan

THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE!!!! YEAH

With a heavy heart and a mission to kick cancers BUTT big TIME!!!

Melissa

Wednesday 21 th 2007
Today starts the Beginning of Lent in preparation for Easter.

Dylan and I went to the celebratory mass tonight and he was such a good boy. He thought the ashes were really cool.

But for me today is a day that still holds alot of grief and sadness. I learned yesterday that a very close friend of ours died and I was just so sad.. Cancer stinks and I just hate it. I am running and cycling for all of my friends that are fighting, struggling, maintaining, and who have become angels because of this nasty beast.

Dylan hs been going to therapy and school and this weekend he and Darren will take a road trip to visit some friends. Dylan loves road trips.

I am training hard for my precious baby and all of our friends...Please continue to pray for my very close friends Alexia and Noelle and their families as they battle the cancer beast again.

God Be with us

Melissa

I woke up forgetting that today is a month since my precious baby earned his angel wings and I just sit here in tears...Because it doesnt feel like a month it seems like eternity. I think I didnt think that it was coming and so fast...

I am so sad and miss him so much but I have an overwhelming sense of him with me all the time. I think he is trying hard to make his mommy feel less sad by not doing the normal things I would do like go back to work now and try and pull it off, but to take time, take time to really feel every ounce of pain and sadness, but to also fight like crazy to raise moneyh for research and possibly find a cure. So that is what my focus is, my focus is on my Dylan dilly bar and family and knowing that I need to remember that life is too short to sweat the small stuff and to beleive that there is a plan and a God watching over us.

thank you for supporting me in these events,...Its been hard running alot and trying to do all the training but I know when I cross the finish line with his picture in my hand for each event that will be my victory for him.

Please continue to pray for my dear little friends Alexia and Noelle and all the children fighting for their lives...

Melissa

Good Morning

So I have tried to write this a couple times now and it keeps erasing so sorry if it is the cliff notes version.

yesterday was a pretty teary day for me. I trained and did my thing and thought that we could all go bowling or some other fun activity but Dylan was tired.

So I put Dylan Down for a nap and layed with him for a little bit and we started talking about DOnny. We were remembering Donny on his tow mater and how much fun he had with that little ride along toy...And I told Dylan that Donovan can now walk, talk, and play with Jesus without any pain because he doenst have cancer anymore. Dylan said, " mommy I want him to play and run around with me here!" At that point I just cried and cried and began to explain that Donovan isnt sick anymore and he is only able to do those things because he is in heaven.,..So we had more discussions about heaven.

I told Dylan that its ok to miss Donovan I miss him so much and he said I miss him to mommy. And of course that was it my day was just very teary.

Dylan had his therapy appt today and hopefully she is helping him with his feelings. WE arent aloud to ask him whathappens in those sessions.

Please remember that there are many more babies, and children fighting for their lives please offer them your prayers and encouragement..

I am off to train...Yikes...I am tired just thinking about it....
I have a long run today and I tired so I will get going .

thank you all for supporting our family and supporting my efforts to honor Donovans memory through raising funds for Team in Training. This will be my cathartic moments in time when I know I am doing something for DOnovan but so many others as well.

Melissa
WELL FOLKS HERE COMES MY MISSION FOR THIS YEAR AND I HOPE THAT Y'ALL WILL HELP ME SOMEHOW BRING MORE AWARENESS TO CHILDHOOD CANCERS, ESPECIALLY BLOOD CANCERS LIKE LEUKEMIA.

I WILL BE RUNNING THE HALF MARATHON IN INDPLS MAY 3- 13.1 MILES.... Need to raise 1450.00 14 people for 100 bucks

I WILL BE CYCLING THE 100 MILE one day LAKE TAHOE RACE JUNE 3 4550- 45 people at 100 dollars a mile

LASTLY, I WILL BE FULFILLING ANOTHER DREAM IN MY HOME TOWN WHICH IS TO RUN THE FULL CHICAGO MARATHON IN OCTOBER 2nd 26.2 miles (I think). 3400.00 34 people at 100 dollars...

HOpefully that doesnt seem that bad to me I know we can raise the funds for cancer and For BABY D.

ALL MONEY WILL GO TO THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY.

PLEASE HELP IN DONATIONS...THE AMOUNT I NEED TO RAISE IS PRETTY STEAP its around 11,000.00 DOLLARS BUT THE RAMIFICATIONS OF NO FUNDS MEANS LESS RESEARCH OR MORE PRECIOUS BABIES LIKE MY SWEET DONOVAN NOT MAKING IT TO ENJOY ALL THE GOOD THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER.

PLease also check in with your companies as they will match your funds and add to your funds...

HERE IS THE WEBSITE BELOW

http://www.active.com/donate/tntin/angeldonovan

THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE!!!! YEAH

With a heavy heart and a mission to kick cancers BUTT big TIME!!!

Melissa

Saturday, February 10, 2007 11:50 PM CST
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY MY DEAR FRIENDS AND FAMILY I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH

My dear Friends and family sorry if this is long...

Its been a very long 2 year plus days road and I must be honest I dont know if I can keep up a website that has been tainted by undeserving and innapropriate judgements.

Dylan, myself, Darren, and our entire extended families are grieving and trying so hard to do our best. Please understand that we are doing our best.

As for my updates that have been put on hold here they are:

The superbowl was great besides the hypothermia I thought I was being exposed too during it LOL....The Colts organization came through with tickets and a hotel. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO WROTE TO THEM!!!IT WAS GREAT!

Donovan was there and it was felt. I had a very emotional time in Florida and a very unexpected sense of some sort of release that cant be explained with words as they would not even be adequate.

As I boarded the plane in Miami to leave the 70 something degree weather the tears flowed and havent stopped.

I dont think that the normal comings and goings of what I do everyday will change the pain, despair, and loss I and my family feel.

I can only speak for myself. I will wake up and know that my life has been forever changed, I have zero regrets, and I intend to savor every second I can as to not take for granted which so many of us can do and not even realize. I do not know what each new day will bring but I will keep myself open to new possibilities, new wonders, new experiences, and a new life that was made possible by a sweet little 2 year old, Donovan. Remember him as I do as a beacon of light shining from the dark vast ocean and showing me and I hope others a new way to shore.

I know this will not be an easy task as I now take on a new adventure (if you will) and that is trying to figure out what the heck I am going to do now!!! I have no idea...I just want TO BE...I want to be me and hang out with Dylan, travel, run marathons, and hopefully do what I have been wanting to do for a long time now but just never got the chance to. I want to ride the Century ride (100 miles up and down) in Lake Tahoe this year for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. ( I hope its not too late yikes!!!)

I will go back to work and when I dont know. I think that I am needing time back to really embrace and feel every step of this healing process. I dont want to put it away too soon and realize later that I needed more time.

I can only do that with the support, love, patience, and prayers from my family, and my caringbridge family that have been here for me and my family for so long now.

I am so grateful for those of you that continue to pray, send healing words and messages, generosity, and unjudging sentiments.

Please too remember that there are so many more children struggling, fighting for their lives, as well as their families, please pray for them and remember that life has a way changing in an instant. Live strong, love stronger, laugh harder...

Please continue to pray for my very dear friends and their Princess Warrior Alexia. www.caringbridge.org/southamerica/alexia

PLease also say extra prayers for my other very dear friends Dave and TOnya and their family and especially little NOELLE.

www.caringbridge.org/wi/noelle

my deepest thanks

Melissa ( oh yes and totally trying to keep up with Greys Anatomy which I have missed for two weeks and am freaking out!!!)
this is me trying to be funny and probably failing miserably...

Saturday, February 10, 2007 11:50 PM CST
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY MY DEAR FRIENDS AND FAMILY I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH

My dear Friends and family sorry if this is long...

Its been a very long 2 year plus days road and I must be honest I dont know if I can keep up a website that has been tainted by undeserving and innapropriate judgements.

Dylan, myself, Darren, and our entire extended families are grieving and trying so hard to do our best. Please understand that we are doing our best.

As for my updates that have been put on hold here they are:

The superbowl was great besides the hypothermia I thought I was being exposed too during it LOL....The Colts organization came through with tickets and a hotel. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO WROTE TO THEM!!!IT WAS GREAT!

Donovan was there and it was felt. I had a very emotional time in Florida and a very unexpected sense of some sort of release that cant be explained with words as they would not even be adequate.

As I boarded the plane in Miami to leave the 70 something degree weather the tears flowed and havent stopped.

I dont think that the normal comings and goings of what I do everyday will change the pain, despair, and loss I and my family feel.

I can only speak for myself. I will wake up and know that my life has been forever changed, I have zero regrets, and I intend to savor every second I can as to not take for granted which so many of us can do and not even realize. I do not know what each new day will bring but I will keep myself open to new possibilities, new wonders, new experiences, and a new life that was made possible by a sweet little 2 year old, Donovan. Remember him as I do as a beacon of light shining from the dark vast ocean and showing me and I hope others a new way to shore.

I know this will not be an easy task as I now take on a new adventure (if you will) and that is trying to figure out what the heck I am going to do now!!! I have no idea...I just want TO BE...I want to be me and hang out with Dylan, travel, run marathons, and hopefully do what I have been wanting to do for a long time now but just never got the chance to. I want to ride the Century ride (100 miles up and down) in Lake Tahoe this year for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. ( I hope its not too late yikes!!!)

I will go back to work and when I dont know. I think that I am needing time back to really embrace and feel every step of this healing process. I dont want to put it away too soon and realize later that I needed more time.

I can only do that with the support, love, patience, and prayers from my family, and my caringbridge family that have been here for me and my family for so long now.

I am so grateful for those of you that continue to pray, send healing words and messages, generosity, and unjudging sentiments.

Please too remember that there are so many more children struggling, fighting for their lives, as well as their families, please pray for them and remember that life has a way changing in an instant. Live strong, love stronger, laugh harder...

Please continue to pray for my very dear friends and their Princess Warrior Alexia. www.caringbridge.org/southamerica/alexia

PLease also say extra prayers for my other very dear friends Dave and TOnya and their family and especially little NOELLE.

www.caringbridge.org/wi/noelle

my deepest thanks

Melissa ( oh yes and totally trying to keep up with Greys Anatomy which I have missed for two weeks and am freaking out!!!)
this is me trying to be funny and probably failing miserably...

Wednesday, February 7, 2007 6:49 PM CST
Howdy,
It's Grammie.

It has been a very cold week in Chicago. We even had 5 inches of snow that Dylan has been enjoying thoroughly. This has been a good time for Dylan (Dilly Bar) too. He was very excited to come to Chicago where Papa works. These past few weeks has been very hard on him. He like other boys young and old, do not want to say how they truly feel inside. So, this week has been a wonderful time just for him, without leaving Donovan out. We are able to remember the things Donny like to play and like to listen to on the IPOD, TV, and DVD player. Dylan says to me, "Grammie that is Donny's movie."
"Yes," I replied. "I like to listen to that song or that movie so I can remember Donny's smile and him giggling."
"Yeah, I member too," Dylan replies.
Then, he goes on to tell me a funny story about Donny he remembers.
So many people are afraid to mention Donny out loud. Like if to disturb him while he is away. I suggest to them, it is okay to talk about him. He was not a bad child. He was always good and we need to talk about him, so he knows we are not trying to forget him.
We will be leaving Chicago tomorrow. It is time to go back to the warm country(North Carolina).
We are all sending our love. Mom is doing well, but not ready to visit just yet. She is anxious to get back to her Dilly Bar.
Well, I need to get back to my family and friends here in town, so take care all.
We love you.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007 6:49 PM CST
Howdy,
It's Grammie.

It has been a very cold week in Chicago. We even had 5 inches of snow that Dylan has been enjoying thoroughly. This has been a good time for Dylan (Dilly Bar) too. He was very excited to come to Chicago where Papa works. These past few weeks has been very hard on him. He like other boys young and old, do not want to say how they truly feel inside. So, this week has been a wonderful time just for him, without leaving Donovan out. We are able to remember the things Donny like to play and like to listen to on the IPOD, TV, and DVD player. Dylan says to me, "Grammie that is Donny's movie."
"Yes," I replied. "I like to listen to that song or that movie so I can remember Donny's smile and him giggling."
"Yeah, I member too," Dylan replies.
Then, he goes on to tell me a funny story about Donny he remembers.
So many people are afraid to mention Donny out loud. Like if to disturb him while he is away. I suggest to them, it is okay to talk about him. He was not a bad child. He was always good and we need to talk about him, so he knows we are not trying to forget him.
We will be leaving Chicago tomorrow. It is time to go back to the warm country(North Carolina).
We are all sending our love. Mom is doing well, but not ready to visit just yet. She is anxious to get back to her Dilly Bar.
Well, I need to get back to my family and friends here in town, so take care all.
We love you.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007 2:47 PM CST
Howdy,
It's Grammie.

Dearest Donovan Family and Friends,

I want you to know that Melissa and her family are doing well, as well as can be possibly.

We are so happy that the COLTS won their game. It was a wonderful game. We all believe that Donovan had a hand in that, along with all the other special angels with Donovan.

We all thank all those that have been so gracious in supporting Melissa's family.

Love Grammie

Thursday, Februaruy 1st, 2007

Please say extra prayers to my very very special friends whom I have travelled this journey with for over two years. I love and miss this family so much and they need your positive thoughts and prayers

www.caringbridge.org.com/southamerica/alexia

Alexia you are a princess warrior and your family will see through this no matter what. You fight little one fight...I love you... God is with you precious

GO COLTS WIN FOR MY ANGEL and for all those that BELIEVE!

Melissa

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. MY LIFE HAS BEEN TRULY BLESSED AND ENRICHED BECAUSE OF MY BOYS AND AT THIS POINT IN TIME I MUST NOW SIGN OFF.

MY SUPPORT FROM THIS CARINGBRDIGE FAMILY MADE ME GET THROUGH THESE HARD TIMES AND NOW I WILL BE HEALING AND TRYING TO GET BACK ON MY FEET.

I WILL NEVER FORGET THE LOVE, SUPPORT, GENEROSITY, KINDNESS, PRAYERS, EMPATHY, HOPE AND FAITH THAT THIS SITE HAS BROUGHT TO MY LIFE.

I HAVE BEEN GIVEN SOMETHING THAT I HAD LACKED FOR SO LONG WHICH WAS THE FAITH THAT THERE ARE TRULY GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT ARE WILLING TO HELP OTHERS WHEN THEY ARE DOWN.

THE TORCH HAS BEEN PASSED AND WHEN THE DUST SETTLES IT WILL BE MY TURN TO HELP OTHERS.

WITH ALL THAT I AND WILL BE

MELISSA

Wednesday January 31, 2007
Quick update:

I also wanted to say that going to the superbowl was our families dream...But our family has had alot of hard times these past years and Darren did not want to attend as we too have been having our own struggles. Although my dream isnt exactly how I dreamnt it to be I will still go. I am taking my cousin and I will be going in a bittersweet fashion but I hope that you all watch as I have the biggest poster ever of my angel and hope that I feel him as he holds my hand so the tears wont fall so hard. I will probably have an emotional attack walking into the stadium knowing that it was my teddy bear that made this all happen. I wish my dilly bar (DYLAN) could go too but we got two tickets and he is deathly afraid of loud noises so he would not like the crowd or the noise. BUt I think he will get a kick out of seeing DOnny's sign on TV... And of COurse my pickle ( DYLAN )will be in full Colts Garb as well as my entire family in bears territory nonetheless.

God bless my friends that too struggle and also those of you that have a hard time understanding why and how I could go at a time like this. But I must say I am not the kind of person to sit in a corner and cry even if that is truly what I want to do. Because I am so heartbroken and fight like crazy to do something positive with Donovans memory.

Thanks be to God

Melissa

Good Morning

The weekend is over, my family is leaving, my friends are leaving, and I am here.

Dylan and I are here. Darren and my parents are here..
Its been the hardest days and hours of of my life and yet I feel peace through the heartache from the honest love, support, prayers, messages,and just everything...

I just dont have the words to express the gratitude and thanks, and humbling this has all made me and my family come to know and embrace.

I am now just trying to get through the days knowing that every minute that goes by I will need the support to be stronger for Dylan as he also gets through the questions, and confusion as sometimes it hurts my soul knowing he doesnt understand even though I have read and read the books, and given him the explanations that anyone could.

I do want to let all my Donovan fans know that I am going to the SUPERBOWL this weekend with the hope that I will experience the spirit of Donovan and his arms up in the air everytime Peyton and his team make touchdowns, and field goals, and then win the game...

Thank you to everyone. If there were words that I could write to all of you that have shared in this incredible JOURNEY of shock, pain, heartache, struggles, and then the Ultimate eternal Triumph I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL and my HEART IS FULL!!!!

With everything I am and hope to be

Melissa and my family

Tuesday January 30, 2007 7:14 AM CST
Quick Entry:

Today we wont be at clinic for hours and hours like we have been for a year and a half and I am sad. I am sad that I wont see my other tuesday friends that helped the hours pass..

I also wanted to say that going to the superbowl was our families dream...But our family has had a hard time these past years and Darren did not want to attend so I am taking my cousin and I will be going in a bittersweet fashion but I hope that you all watch as I have the biggest poster ever of my angel and hope that I feel him as he holds my hand so the tears wont fall so hard.

God bless my friends that too struggle and also those of you that have a hard time understanding why and how I could go at a time like this. But I must say I am not the kind of person to sit in a corner and cry even if that is truly what I want to do. Because I am so heartbroken and fight like crazy to do something positive with Donovans memory.

Thanks be to God

Melissa

Good Morning

The weekend is over, my family is leaving, my friends are leaving, and I am here.

Dylan and I are here. Darren and my parents are here..
Its been the hardest days and hours of of my life and yet I feel peace through the heartache from the honest love, support, prayers, messages,and just everything...

I just dont have the words to express the gratitude and thanks, and humbling this has all made me and my family come to know and embrace.

I am now just trying to get through the days knowing that every minute that goes by I will need the support to be stronger for Dylan as he also gets through the questions, and confusion as sometimes it hurts my soul knowing he doesnt understand even though I have read and read the books, and given him the explanations that anyone could.

I do want to let all my Donovan fans know that I am going to the SUPERBOWL this weekend with the hope that I will experience the spirit of Donovan and his arms up in the air everytime Peyton and his team make touchdowns, and field goals, and then win the game...

Thank you to everyone. If there were words that I could write to all of you that have shared in this incredible JOURNEY of shock, pain, heartache, struggles, and then the Ultimate eternal Triumph I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL and my HEART IS FULL!!!!

With everything I am and hope to be

Melissa and my family

Wednesday, January 24, 2007 3:04 PM CST

Today has been so crazy that I forgot it was Thursday one of the reasons I was able to get through the weeks without cracking or breaking into a million pieces from watching my baby suffer so much..

What is it about Thursdays?

GREYS ANATOMY!!!! I am excited but I am so sad that he wont be sitting next to me as we used to watch it every Thursday and reruns...He never minded as long as one TV had the movie cars on.

I miss him. I always will. BUt I will watch Greys with his favorite blankie and it will be as if he is right here with me as always.

Love
melissa

Good Morning,

I just wanted to write to let you all know we are hanging in there and just keeping really busy. Dylan is doing pretty well actually.. He is just really confused where heaven is. Everywhere we go, he asks me, "mommy is this Heaven?" and I say no. BUt then we explained it a little better.

He drew a picture for Donovan and he wanted me to draw a big heart in the middle becasue he isnt 5 yet and he doesnt know how to.

I am terribly heartbroken but find peace in constantly reading the nice messages. melissa and the family

Good evening Donovan Fans,

Here is the information for Donovan's celebration of life services.

The wake will be held on Friday, January 26th at Walker's Funeral Home.
Visitation hours are 7:00pm to 9:00pm

Walker's Funeral Home
204 North Churton Street
Hillsborough, NC 27278
(919) 732-2121
Click here for a map of the location.

Donovan's celebratory mass will be held on Saturday, January 27th at 11:00am at Immaculate Conception Parish.

Immaculate Conception Parish
725 Burch Avenue
Durham, NC 27701
Click here for a map of the location.

Everyone and anyone who has ever met, heard of, or loved Donovan is welcome to come.
Our family would love to see you all there.

In lieu of flowers, we ask that friends honor Donovan's memory through donations to any of the following three organizations.

Gifts can be made to:

Make A Child Smile Organization
MACS provides emotional and financial support to families whose
Children suffer from chronic or life threatening illnesses.
Click on the link below to go directly to their donation page.
http://www.makeachildsmile.org

Riley Hospital for Children
702 Barnhill Drive
Indianapolis, IN 46202Please contact Melissa Williams for more information at (317) 274-8293

Duke Children's Hospital
C/O Jane Schroeder
PO Box 3350
Durham, NC 27710

Checks may be made payable to Duke University.
Please include PBMT Family Support in the memo.

Please visit The Make a Child Smile organization at http://www.makeachildsmile.org for a profile on Donovan.

With all our heart and soul, our family thanks you for taking this journey with us.
Thank you for your continuous support.

Love,

Melissa, Darren, Dylan and our entire extended family

Sunday, January 21, 2007 7:52 AM CST

Good Morning Donovan Fans

IT is with a very very heavy heart that I write this entry.

Baby Donovan earned his angel wings last night at 9:25PM. He was with his family and everyone here that loved that little teddy bear more than themselves.

I will write more with details on services.

Our family is deeply saddened but in peace knowing that he is in the most perfect place he can be. He was in so much pain and now he is completely perfect.

Although It still hasnt hit me, I feel the sense of Donovan still here with me holding my hand even as I write this entry.

I was with him for hours yesterday afternoon just cuddling when I noticed that he started to have irregular breathing. Darren and I called the hospice Nurse and she stayed with us until Donovan took his last breath in his daddy's arms.

It was peaceful and beautiful and Donovan said his goodbye to us in his own special way. He put his little hand on Darren and I to let us know that it was time. He is now somewhere grander than anyone of us could ever even imagine.

Our lives will be forever changed.

God Bless all our friends out there for your incredible generosity, love, prayers, messages, for supporting us along this very long battle..

I write this still in shock that my baby Donovan is now in Heaven. I know that he was met by all of our other angel friend.

TO DONNY: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, I hope you know dear How much I love you and I love you more each day. YOu have enriched my life completely and I love you and you will always be in my heart, soul, and life forever and ever, amen. Love Mommy

God Bless our children that continue the fight and their families. These people are real heroes.

I do want to let folks know that we are staying in North carolina and the services will be here. I will post when I have everything situated.

With our hearts full and trying to find our peace,

Melissa, Darren, Dylan, Donovan, grammie, papa, nana, papaw

I guess GO COLTS!!!! That will make the day a little brighter... So wear Blue y'all

UPDATE: There was a special Angel watching the Colts last night. I was really scared they werent going to win and sure enough they DID. GO DONNY GO

SUPERBOWL HERE WE COME

Saturday, January 20, 2007 9:16 AM CST

Good morning DOnovan Fans and future COLTS FANS hahaha

I need some humor I guess..

Donovan has been in a lot of pain and it is continuing to get worse, but manages to quickly remind you to get him a cold drink of water and to push play when the movie cars is over...he just loves that movie..Even when hes sleeping he knows when its over...He so cute

This morning Darren and his parents took him into clinic to get platelets and whatever else he will need..I just want him to get more comfortable...

I had a few special friends come by yesterday. Caroline I am so sorry I was asleep...Gosh I didnt know how exhausted I was until I was completely asleep but your lasagna was so good and thank you because I know you know its my favorite...

Bobbie thank you for going to the cemetary with me to pick out the perfect place for Donny. There was noway I could have done that alone.

Nancy and gang, you guys rockin with ribbons you are awesome.

Trish, thank you for driving so far to help me find the items I needed and for letting me ball my eyes out in everyother store we were in AND FOR EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING TO MAKE DONOVANS TRIP HEAVEN THE MOST SPECIAL.

I am so thankful for those of you who are helping. Little did I know how quickly things add up and everything involved with something like this..Its something no mother should have to go through...

With a full heart and much gratitude,

Melissa, Darren, Dylan my pickle, and Donovan my teddy bear

Thursday, January 18, 2007 10:23 PM CST

Its Melissa again as Donovan cant type or tell me his thoughts. But I can look into his eyes and know everything.

I know when he is happy, sad, confused, eager, in pain, mad, and how much he loves his family.

TOday I see a very painful DOnny. One that cries instantly if you try and move him even if its to make him more comfortable. He seemed more energetic at 3:30am yesterday but even after a blood transfusion today I am not seeing it. He has been asleep since he has been home. I tried to move him a moment ago and he just screeched, he saw his medications and screeched louder. I ask myself if this is his way of telling me that its not much longer mommy I am sick.

I looked at him tonight and I said, " When you want to go my precious baby go. Go be amongst the other Angels. You will wish that I could be there with you because of its perfect glory, something noone of could ever imagine. PLease visit Dylan and let him know how well you are and when you get a chance visit me."

I was in a funeral home today where there was a lady waiting for her family to start her wake. I went in without hesitation and looked at her and held her hand...I know that may sound strange to some but I wasnt afraid. And it didnt freak me out at all.

I just went through two bowls of icecream thinking it would help this horibble stomach ache I have but it didnt help but IT TASTED SOOOO GOOOD... I am like the health workout freak. Ice cream,once in a long while and usually when my sister is around and her husband or I am there. But I would rather go for a run every morning and breathe in the fresh air.

It snowed today in North Carolina....WOW that was a surprise..I laugh because I am from chicago, lived in Minnesota, and Indiana and every school in NC was shut down...I looked outside and there wasnt anything on the ground I had no idea what the big deal was..It was rather comical.

Dylan had the best time making some serious tracks with his yellow Jeep...WE had a lot of fun. But then he got bored watching me run. Thank goodness grammie came to his rescue. Because I wasnt close to being done.

Thank you to everyone for your beautiful poems, encouraging words, prayers, support, visiting the site, and mostly for following my precious teddy bear for so long and even longer.

God is watching over us and answering our prayers although the answers may not come to you as one may think.

Love to all my littlest warriors, big warriors, families, and friends and may we all be witness to Baby Donovan as a great Miracle already.

Melissa and the gang

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 6:40 PM CST

Wednesday January 17th 2007

I am trying hard to find the words to write tonight to share with the world what a special, little teddy bear Baby Donovan is. I have written so many entries in the past couple of years and I too feel as if the names that are on the guestbook I know too.

Donovan is still doing ok. He is somewhat alert throughout the day, he has smiled, and cuddled with his favorite blankie.

Our family is trying so hard to walk around today without the tears of loss lurking so close.

I feel so blessed for the bond that Donovan and I have and for the intense pureness of love that I have for my boys and viceversa. That kind of love is something that cannot be replicated nor replaced but it will be held in my heart forever.

Donovan went to clinic today to get platelets. He has been having fevers nonstop for a long time now, and mostly sits comfortably in his gliding chair with his Vroom pillow, blankie, and another pillow.

I spoke with Dylan last night at Dinner about Donovan. At first I had to tell him we were going to go to the hospital to get his tubies fixed but then I had to tell him that Donovan was getting sicker and that the Dr's werent sure if they could fix him.

Last night I told my sweet Dylan that The Doctors cant Fix Donovan and that Donovan will soon go to heaven to be perfect and free with Jesus.

"He said oh my gosh, Dogs go to heaven too...I have to watch that movie."

But you can tell how sad and confused he is. He is still seeing his therapist and she has noticed that when anything he puts together breaks he gets very frustrated and angry.

I guess in his own way he too wants fix his lil' brother but knows he cant.. ( i can hardly stop the tears )

Thank you all for your wonderful words, and encouragement..

Donovan I am sure will want to see those Colts KIck the PATRIOTS BUTT so we will see how the weekend Goes. Dr's can only know so much... But this game may just be what he is waiting for it will be magical if he can make it through the game and even longer.

GO DONNY GO....

Love your Mommy, daddy, and Dylan and of course grammie, and papa

Today January 16th 2005 marks the day that Donovan was admitted to Riley Childrens Hospital in Indianapolis, IN and was then diagnosed with a rare form of Infant Leukemia.

Today January 16th 2007 Dr Kurztberg and her team have told us that Donovans cancer is spreading so fast despite the chemo and that it is very likely that he will not make it through the weekend.

I am angry, sad, afraid, heartbroken and in such despair. I know Donovan will be greated by his most special Angel friends and so I do not worry where he will go or how..I know it will be peaceful and God will be waiting..

I worry for Dylan mostly and then myself.

Please please pray for more time quality time...

Melissa

What we could really use would be hotel stays, flights for family again...Sorry to ask but there would be no way our family would ever be able to allow them to come in such short notice.

WE appreciate so much for all of you in our caringbridge family..If it werent for you so many of the things Donovan, Dylan, Darren, and I and even my extended family would not have been able to do.. God Bless our children

Sunday January 14, 2007 8:23 AM CST

I know you all mean well for my Babilicious teddy bear but its true. We love to watch the games together. Its one of the few things we can easily enjoy together. He really enjoys it and he feels our energy and enthusiasm. If he sees football he will scream with discontent if you change the station..

Our family continues to rally for Donovan in every way that we can and we gain an enormous amount of support for our readers�Please continue to pray for our teddy bear and our entire family. Thank you all so much for all you have done.

Updates today from clinic

WBC-12.8
hgb-11
plates-8,000 ( transfusion )

Blasts 87 percent

My breathing has stopped yet I am trying really hard to not totally freak out. I am giving the chemo a chance...Donovan gets the second kind of chemo called evastin on tuesday and they work synergistically. So I am trying really hard not to over react or under react at this time...

Please continue pray pray pray....

And Yes my distraction today is of course FOOTBALL!!!!

GO BEARS I am from chicago and please PATS win so the COLTS can kick your BUTT next WEEK!!!!!!

Melissa ( sad, confused, angry, and in complete joy for my colts winning and so is Donovan :)

Friday january 12th 2006 11pm

FRIDAY JAN 12

Update: Fevers again more motrin...Twice today.. He does feel so much better afterwards though so that is good..

Counts

WBC-12.2
hgb-8.9 ( transfusion he wasnt feeling that great )
PLatelets- 22,000 ( transfusion )

Blasts- 74 percent HOpig they are about to start to decline.

His belly is so distended and it breaks my heart. He came home today and was so happy...And I just wanted to break down and cry. Because I know that I wont be able to physically see that sweet innocence and happiness for a long time.

He is so strong and such a warrior its hard not to follow his lead...We will all be wearing our BLUE colts attire for tomorrows game!!!! and I know Donovan will be exciuted to show off his new moves. He can kind of scoot a little...Its precious... Go donny I say, go donny...!
Melissa ( I am so sorry Donny )

Update: 5:45PM totally exhausted Donovan gets a fever of 40.2c. Not Good.. He went into clinic got another antibiotic and they drew cultures..

He really hasnt been feeling that well today or yesterday really..Which could explain todays counts.

WBC-11.4
Hgb-10
Plates22,000

Blasts 70 Percent. (I cant breathe)

Dr K said to give the chemo a few more days to take effect..So I am slighty breathing now. But barely..

I am starting to feel really worried..Worried mother thing not worried peace of life thing, if that makes sense to y'all.

Melissa

Hello DOnovan fans

Donovan continues to be home...He has had a couple of fevers but we just give him motrin and he perks back up..

His counts yesterday werent exactly what I had expected.

WBC-7.4
Hgb-10.6
Plates-39,000

Blasts- 27 percent up from the day before at 7 percent

He is continuing on his chemo and hopefully it will start to kick in because you can tell he is uncomfortable. His liver and spleen are so enlarged its hard for him to move or even be held.

Nonetheless, he has his happy, moments, and smiles and blows kisses.. He is my my teddy bear and most special hero besides big brother Dylan..

Dylan is continuing in his therapy and seems to be doing ok..But its hard to tell...

I am so glad today is thursday...I can hardly stand it...GREYS ANATOMY is on and I am overjoyed. IT will be a great distraction after being at clinic all day.. PLus my kick butt colts are playing saturday and thats soon.

God Bless our Children

Melissa

Tuesday, January 8, 2007 10:12 PM EST

UPDATE:

DONOVAN HAS BEEN SPRUNG FROM 5200!!!!

WE are so excited. We will be going to clinic everyday but its better than being in the hospital...donovan can finally meet his cousins that he has never seen...

Melissa ( very excited )

Quick update:

Donovan had another great day despite having two high temps....

He is actually going to be released tomorrow to Dr K day hospital. He will start his next round of chemo...HIs counts are coming up and so are the blasts.

This is our chance to enjoy Donovan at home for as long as we can...

Thank you all so much for your support...Its unbelievable that my little teddy bear has such a great following... Thank you and know that you have touched our lives forever.

God Bless

Melissa

Sunday January 7th 2007

GO COLTS GO BLUE YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!

Sunday: Updates

DOnovan spiked another fever this morning...His WBC-2.0 so his counts are starting to recover I just hope that the cancer doesnt recover as fast. So that we can start another round of chemo...HE is in really good spirits and just like the great COLTS Defense yesterday Baby D kicked big butt yesterday in the halls roaring through the traffic in his big red car... Go baby D go !!!!!

melissa

UPDATE: Donovan is still ok and doing well but the fevers are back...His wbc-1.2 but 97 percent lymphocytes, and variant lymphs and all the stuff you dont want to see...

AS long as he is up and about and smiling and in his red car I am happy.

hugs

MElissa

Good Afternoon Fans

Donovan is holding his own...He sure is feeling so much better. He has been out and about for two days now just cruising the halls in his red car..

He hasnt had any fevers in two days and all his cultures are still coming back negative!!!!

His white count is also coming up it is now 1.0..

He is off of the platelet drip and only gets platelets if he is under 75,ooo.

He is really my mighty warrior I will tell ya...

My worry is that his white count consists of almost all lymphocytes and variant lymphs and a couple monocytes..This isnt what you would want to see..

With his white count increasing so can the cancer. His liver and Spleen are still very enlarged but the rest of his organs are functioning normally.

There is such a hard balance between trying to kill the cancer but that will eventually knock his counts down to nothing, so bacteria can breed and deciding to not chemo and the disease take its course.. I dont want him to suffer, I dont want to give up hope, and for now I staying the course and taking his lead. Seems to me he is holding tough and strong..

I was even bold enough to ask the doctor to let us go home soon..

But Donovan is still on too many antibiotics and other meds around the clock which will make life at home difficult. So we will see what happens over the weekend..Maybe by the middle of next week they may think about letting us go home.

My sis and her family arrived yesterday and it was just so great to see them...Donovans uncle casey and cousin Sofia were able to meet Donovan for the first time..It was truly wonderful...Plus he was in a good mood.

Thanks to everyone for all of your wonderful support

Melissa ( tomorrow where blue for the colts)

Thursday, January 4, 2007 2:56 PM CST

Hello Donovan Fans ( and my COLTS FANs new and Old)

Donovan is having a great day...He is up and alert, riding in his red car in the hallway and wearing grammie out...hahaha

His WBC went up to a whopping 0.7.. better than yesterday so I will take it...

He also didnt have a fever this morning for the first time in 3 weeks...

I am jumping for joy....

My sister and her family come today and I am just so excited...Its been so long since I have seen them. Dylan is going to be so excited too...

Thank you all so much for your support...I have been so heartborken and I am gaining more and more strength from all of you...

God almighty bless Donovan with comfort, peace, and LOVE.

Melissa (colts play on saturday wear blue folks yeah)

Wednesday, January 3, 2007 11:57 AM CST

Dear family, friends, and all the Donovan Fans out there...

The past couple of days have been scary but I truly havent seen Donny happier..Which I am so so glad about...

THE CULTURES ARE STILL NEGATIVE!!!!!! THE PRAYERS ARE WORKING......

The vanc is really doing its job thank goodness..However, he is still getting really high fevers...This could be from the cancer in his body or just something else brewing. At this time we just dont know...

But I am so happy he is playful and smiling...It brings such joy to my heart to see it..

And for all of you who are now rooting for my COLTS YEAH YEAH YEAH...Peyton Manning is probably one the most well respected Athlete out there.. You are right Mc Dreamy now he is a cutie pie...

ANyways, my dreams are my dreams and thats all they are...Becuase I know that even if the Colts got to the superbowl that would be good enough for me..

It looks like Dr K wants us to be here until he is done with all of his 4 antibiotics...(yikes) which is the 14th of January...

By the way to my Greys fans dont forget Jan 11th ( my favorite number 11)greys is back on...YEAH YEAH YEAH...

Donovan and I will be watching it and having a party...

I will keep the updates coming...I sure hope and pray that they are good..

One thing that we are waiting for are his counts to recover. His White count is still a whopping 0.4 and the docs arent sure what the next week or weeks will hold if that continues...

I am heartbroken to the max and I sit here with Donovan not missing a second to be with him...Hes my baby and I have done everything possible for him. Now its up to his body and God and my prayer is for his comfort, peace and him knowing the love that surrounds him.

Thank you all so much for everything

Melissa ( the biggest colts fan EVER!!!! and of course Greys anatomy....)

Tuesday January 2, 2007 ooops for the typos

HAVE A HAPPY, SAFE,
HEALTHY, and ENRICHED NEW YEAR!!!!

Donovan is still getting fevers but it could be a number of things causing them... His counts are really low so he susceptible to anything right now..

But HIS CULTURES havent come back positive so that is great news...The VANC i think is working and I couldnt be happier..

Melissa ( to the people that write unfortunate things please know that God is with you too and that my world although not the same may you feel comforted in knowing that you have not hurt my feelings in the least and will never. Post as you wish and know I am pure of thought and heart and yes The Colts distract me for a couple of hours a week fromt he devastation that I am constantly enthrawled)

Donovan has been having a good day...he has been playful and smiley...I just love it...Watch the slide show I updated with his happy day today..

Donovan has been having some really good days...the past three days have been really great..he ven got out of bed for grammie to hold him in teh rocking chair...

Today we got some very sad news...The past three cultures have all come back positive and in very short amount of time..(not good) I am wondering if we will here he has another back her soon..It will almost be 24 hours since they drew them...Our Nurse drew them again in the middle of the day so we will see what those do too. Donovan has a very severe bacterial infection in both his lines stemming from his gut and is taking over his blood. The antibiotics he is on arent showing the response the docs would like to see so they are adding Vancomyiacin back on as that seemed to do the trick...However if this does not help and he continues on this path of high fevers and continual positive cultures he could pass from Sepsis..And it could happen very quickly...

Docs have done an echo on his heart to see if there is any infection in his heart but no news yet. THey also think that the infection is in his intestines and stool which they could only see by doing a CT scan with contrast...If they do that and see it the only thing to do would to put him through a very rough surgery that he would not make it through..So the docs dont want to do that.

We hope this antibiotic will help him and give us the miracle of more time with him happy and playful...

I am heartbroken, devstated, and in the deepest state of despair one could be in...

We dont know what the next few days will hold for Donovan..So with the help of all of you please pray the infections clear, his body stays strong, and his mind stays strong, and that we get more good time with him..please please please pray for more time.

We cherish all your kindness, love, support, faith, hope, generosity, and just goodness...It has restored my faith in people...There are great people out there.

Gosh my one Dream for all of us was that I could somehow Take Donovan to the superbowl ( My colts will totally go we know it) to watch the Colts really win big...I know that he would be sick but He would have so much fun. I thought that I could bring a nurse and we could have special seating...Gosh I have wished so long...he used to always bring his arms up for touch down...and we would scream go peyton more TD's...It was fun and he loved it..Everytime he sees football on the screen he gets excited. he throws his arms up. and lately he has been a little weak to do it but I know he loves it by the noises he makes. For him to see it up and personal would have been a dream come true. I guess even if its more my dream than anything..I guess I just have had a lot of dreams for Donovan and just being able to do things together.

Melissa ( heartbroken yet maintaining full faith in our lord that Donovan will be able to meet with his family, some family members he has never met, and praying FOR MORE AND MORE TIME of smiles from my precios TEDDY BEAR)

COLTS WIN!!!! GO BLUE

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