Journal

Monday, May 5, 2008 1:32 PM CDT

WEEK 103 OUT OF 105

COUNTS
Absolute Neutrophil Count (ANC): 2140
Hemoglobin (HGB): 11.9
Platelets: 470,000

Today is taking forever. It took over an hour to get Keegan’s counts back and then another hour for him to pee in a cup. Now that he’s finally pee’d, it’s taking forever to get his chemo hooked up.

It’s hard not to “reminisce” about the beginning right now. Being at the clinic is surreal and the thought of being off therapy is almost not believable. It reminds me of when I graduating high school, or when I was in labor with Amanda…Exciting, but a little bit scary.

We had a good weekend. Friday was the Relay for Life,very emotional. Keegan ran all the way around that track with a smile on his face, by himself with the torch and hundreds of people cheering him on. I will post a pic once I have the time to download them off my camera. Sunday was the Cure picnic, and Saturday we went to Karaoke with the Musslewhite family. Keegan and Tyler sang In The End by Lynkin Park. Tyler’s mom, Gina cried watching them. She said that in light of Tyler’s surgery, the song is very fitting. Here are the lyrics…

In The End

(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
********************

You can see why we both got a little emotional seeing eight and ten year olds with cancer singing that song.

I was talking to someone the other day, not a cancer parent. She was asking me about cancer, cure rates for leukemia and such. I am very sensitive about that issue, because I feel like sometimes people ask that question so they can feel better about my child having cancer, and that is not ok with me. Anyway, she said something about leukemia being a blood disease, not cancer. I didn’t call her on that, but it really pissed me off. And just to make the record strait, leukemia is a blood cancer. It is not the same as bone cancer or soft tissue cancer, or a brain tumor, ect, but it IS cancer. Also, I try not to deal with percentages because either 100 percent my kid will make it, or 100 percent he won’t. Basically, my faith is not in a number, it is in God. An 80 percent “cure” rate for initial diagnosis of leukemia, (like back when Keegan was diagnosed), is not a real “cure” rate, it is an “efs”, event free survival. Event free for five years. If a child goes 5 years off chemo without relapse, then some medical institutions call it cured. Some don’t. Not only that, but the statistics do not include everyone that got leukemia, there are many factors that go into it. After Keegan relapsed, I spoke briefly with his dr about the percentages, and then I put it on a shelf and never looked at it again. I have full faith that God is guiding us and is taking care of us, so I don’t need man made faith.

I know we are getting to the end here are there are a lot of people out there that are grateful that they don’t have to hear about cancer from us anymore. And I guess I understand that train of thought, but it still makes me uncomfortable. For the last five years I have been listening to other people, (not everyone, just some people) minimize what my son has gone through and what he has faced, and frankly, I am so dang sick and tired of it. I am sick of other people acting as if there are not children out there that have died from leukemia. I know there are because I have met them. I am also sick and tired of making everyone else feel good about my son having cancer, which is just not my responsibility.

As we were waiting to be called back this morning, I waited in the waiting room, looking over at the sweet blond lady whose name I still don’t know after 3 years of coming here. I remember that day I had to drive Keegan in for a bone marrow aspiration to check for a relapse in his bone marrow, (we already knew he relapsed in his spinal fluid), she looked up at me as I struggled to hold the tears back and said, “How are you doing? Are you guys ok?” It was all I could do to not start sobbing, but I lied. And she knew I was lying. Then she gave me a hug and told me it was going to be alright. She was not lying, she was right.



What a Wonderful World


I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Thanks to everyone for your continued prayers. Thank you to all of you who are not sick and tired of this cancer stuff. Thank you to all of you who may be sick of it, but have the good sense to keep that to yourselves.


Please pray hard tonight for Ethan, our friend. His CT scan tomorrow is a big deal. After a forced off chemo, we pray that God has given Ethan his miracle for his cancer and his heart. I will help his grandma update his website tomorrow after we find out what is going on.

Tyler Musslewhite is having his lung surgery to remove the cancerous tumors out of his lungs tomorrow. He should be in the hospital for 7 to 10 days. Please pray that everything goes as planned and that they get every tiny speck of cancer out of him.

Love and hugs,
Audra

GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!
GOD‘S GOT US!!!

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf.” Hebrews 6:19-20

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
Hebrews 11:1

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptable with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.”
Hebrews 12:28-29

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”
James 1:2-3

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation.”
2 Samuel 22:2-3

I AM…
By Keegan Puckett

I am Happy and cool
I wonder if i can play video games
I hear vouses and a truck
I see people and a phone
I want pizza and hot wings
I am Happy and cool

I pretend too Sleep and sneeac
I feel Skin and hats
I touch wals and windows
I worry I’ll break my leg agin
I cry when I hert my self
I am Happy and cool

I understand That drugs are bad
I say cool
I dream that I’m gana be a cop
I try to get rid of my canser
I hope that I don’t diye
I am Happy and cool

Hospital Information:

Children's at Scottish Rite
1001 Johnson Ferry Road
Atlanta, GA 30342-1600
404-785-5252
Outpatient


He's My Son - Mark Schultz



Me and the kids at Family Camp with Camp Sunshine

Cancer is so limited...It cannot cripple love...
It cannot shatter hope...It cannot corrode faith...
It cannot destroy peace...It cannot kill friendship...
It cannot suppress memories...It cannot silence courage...
It cannot invade the soul...It cannot steal eternal life...
It cannot conquer the spirit...
Anonymous

Please continue to pray for Damien, Jake, Morgan, Big Mike, Cameron, Shane, Ashley, Darrell, Donovan, Catie, Khadeem, Josh, Inaya, Austin, James, Imani, Christine, and Ashley D’s families as the struggle through their grief. I am so sad that I have to keep adding names to this list.

Please pray for Jim and George’s girls.

We have friends to we would like to ask you to pray for that are still in treatment
www.caringbridge.org/visit/chaytonwilliamson
Abby www.carepages.com– AbbySmith12. medulloblastoma recurrence
Ben, 5 yr old with relapsed leukemia. www.caringbridge.org/ga/benjaminsmith
Ryan, neuroblastoma www.superryan.blogspot.com
Ethan P.-14, relapsed ewings sarcoma heart disease, www.caringbridge.org/visit/ethanthedragon
Tyler Copley-18, ewings sarcoma. www.caringbridge.org/ga/tylercopley
Zaida, 3- ovarian/peritoneal cancer. www.caringbridge.org/visit/zaida
Krystle, 16 relapsed large b cell lymphoma. www.caringbridge.org/visit/krystle
Jonathan 9 Leukemia relapse www.caringbridge.org/co/Jonathan Harrison
Ethan, 5 Medulloblastoma www.carepages.org carepage name-EthanJones
Samuel, 5 Relapsed ALL, alternative cancer treatment www.samuelbackus.homestead.com/SamuelsUpdates
Princess Kristen, 4 yr old with ALL
Kristen 18 yr old www.carepages.org carepage name- kristensivertsen
Jake 5 yr old with relapsed leukemia www.caringbridge.org/visit/teamrivers
Ricky almost 2 yr old with rhabdomyasarcoma
Lilly 2 yr old with ALL
New James, ALL
Jo


A poem to Keegan from his daddy...

We've come this far
To a line in the sand
We've braved our fears
While hand in hand
Our son, A gift
From God above
Needs our light,
Our Strength,
Our Love
We'll see him through
With Gods good grace
In our hearts
A prayer
A place
Our Love For You Son

By: Mike Puckett


This is for all of our TNT friends…THANKYOU!!!

This is just something Mike and I were thinking about doing.

Here is another moment brought to you by Steroids

The depiction here represents a steroid induced child with a very low ANC at bathtime.


Please check out Keegan The Crusaders store and order something special about Keegan from us. There is Keegan’s original Artwork, and CancerToons there. Thank you. If you don't find what you want at our store, you will probably find it at the Cancer Fighter store. Check it out!

This ribbon was designed with love and joy by a sweet man named Jamie


DESIGNED BY JAMIE
Thank you so much Jamie for taking the time to do this for our family.

Links: