There are days I wake up and just thank the Lord for giving me the strength He provided us to power through those dark days we faced in the past. There are times I look back with wonder at how we survived those chaotic days. I feel like it wasn't even our life, I mean. I know it was, believe me. I remember it all too well. We are just so far removed from the severity of illness, and other chaos- I can compare it ti childbirth. You know its excruciatingly painful, but you forget as you are on the other side of it, as you are holding your beautiful baby. The pain was worth the beauty you now have. 

That is where we are. 

Everything we endured. Put us here. I have more news. 

A dear friend who I met through street outreach years ago has a home in St.Croix. She goes frequently. Our time in PR has lined up with her time in STX once or twice but our schedules just haven't. Dru left yesterday for St.Croix. Neither of us have anything planned this summer. so finally!! We are having a visit! The Girls don't really grasp the gravity of what it is, they just know we are going somewhere to visit friends. They don't know we are taking a plane to another island! She was telling me the things she has planned for the girls and its going to be a bundle of fun! 

This is the stuff.. 

Its unreal. 

I look back, every time there is intense joy in my life and I think back to some life threatening ICU stay, or some doctor telling me either Heather wasn't going to live, or another telling me I was crazy when she was a toddler. There was never anything in-between you know. I watch Netflix shows and think to myself, I bet people would watch a mini-series about our life.. but then I watched Baby Reindeer and realized I would probably get sued by someone who felt misrepresented in some way and decided it wasn't worth it in the long run.

I much prefer my quiet, keep to myself life. For a few years I even stopped uploading on youtube. I recently started posting some on tic tock, very randomly. I am a little obcessed with posting on instagram and have been for years; I have thousands of photos on my account. When Grace first joined the family that was the only place I felt comfortable sharing her photos. Mostly because I wanted to protect her biological family and their privacy. EVeryone in our community knew them from several news stories on the television and newspaper regarding their housing vouchers. A local housing voucher timeline was eventually changed as a result. Giving your newborn up isn't an easy decision and unfortunatly instead of being  given grace for doing so they were made to feel shame making their lives harder than they should have been. I respected their privacy by not sharing her photos or details of her being "my daughter" until she was much older, even though I wanted to scream to the world how this beautiful baby was mine. There were days even then that were rough, but we are through that as well. Everything is calm.. well, as calm as life with a 5 and 24 year old can be. 

This coming week is crazy for all of us. Monday is the only real day of "nothing" we have. Even that isn't really a "nothing" day. We are going to use it to relax at least part of the day. The splash pad opened at our gym/aquatic center so we are going to get some sun and enjoy the water one last day before we have to hit the "to do" list. 

Tuesday is Heathers annual plan meeting. This is when we all sit down and the state determines what her needs are for the year. We all decide what her goals are going to be based on what progress she made or didn't make on the ones we currently have. Hopefully it dosen't last too long because Grace has a pulmonologist appointment that we have to get to. Its going to be a tight schedule! I am a little worried about the Saharan Dust and how it is going to affect her this summer. I also don't want to spend any of our vacation sitting in the peds office in PR. She already have to get a yearly check up and go for allergy testing with the allergist- I don't need emergency breathing problems!  

Wednesday I have got to get our bags packed.. thats right, we are not packed. 
not the first pair of socks, or even a swimsuit. I don't even know where our snorkels are and I just ordered new dive socks for all of us. I know, I am slacking.. 

Thursday, Hope Chapel.. 

Friday Heather finally has her follow up appointment. Its not with Dr.Amiri. I had to take the first available appointment, it is with the PA. I think Heather has seen her before, no matter what thats who it is with and I had no choice. That is the last day before we leave. 

I hope and pray Heather is having the best life I can give her. I hope she is living and not just surviving. That has always been my goal. I Want her to experience ALL she can. There are so many things she won't get to do in life that I want to make sure I give her opportunities to experience everything else to fill in for those other things.. I want people to look at her life and think how lucky she is, not look at her and think "poor girl" She is amazing and deserves amazing things.. Her disabities have created amazing opportunities FOR her instead of taking things away from her.

Everything in this world is how you chose to view it. There are no bad days unless you decide there are. 

Puerto Rico AND St.Croix- watch out!! Her we come!