Looking back at the journal entry from October 21- Britt is at a similar point with weaning off of the ventilator- working past the 8 hour mark. It would be easy to let our minds think that nothing has changed. Reality: Everything has changed. 

I continue to enter the same search words in google almost daily: west nile Encephalomyelitis recovery poliomyelitis  acute flaccid paralysis...I reread the same information. The difference is that I feel more hope today than I did in October. I've let go of attaching myself to statistics and feeling discouraged when Britt isn't fitting into them (ie: the average time to wean from a ventilator is 17-28 days.) Has Britt ever climbed into a box and decided to fit in it? NOPE. He's not a conformist. As a professor charged with instructing a course about building skyscrapers- he would ask his students: Who says you can't turn a skyscraper on its side? 

I've been asking Britt to help me write this journal and share some of his thoughts now that he is able to use his speaking valve some...Here is what he had to say today:

"My spirits are pretty good. Today, I feel more optimistic than I have in quite a while.  A lot of it is people  being positive around me and telling me I'm getting better and getting stronger. Feeling a little optimistic takes some of the weight of my brain. Today, for the first time in a long time I said to myself, 'I am getting better, I am going home.' I'm just ready to be done with this. Or done enough so I don't miss out entirely on Jonesey." 

Everything has absolutely changed. Today, in PT his trunk strength has improved, his balance, his endurance, and his leg strength. He had assistance standing up a little bit- I watched him initiate the act of standing  quite fearlessly. He can feel himself getting stronger again. His mindset is stronger. He is becoming more able to control his anxiety, he is practicing being present in the chaos. He is leaning into challenge. His therapists today said, "I keep thinking he is going to say NO but he always says YES."  There are many more physical mountains to climb, poquito a poquito. We both recognize that our 'mind mountains' are the most brutal- our learned tools to overcome those mountains and how we approach the day is the biggest change from October 21. 

So much of this journey is reframing... pretty much everything. Reframing how you measure success. Reframing struggle into aspiration. Britt aspires to maintaining a positive outlook and continue to do everything that is asked of him. I'm aspiring to make it through the day in white jeans with no spills or muddy paw prints!!! We've all got our struggles, hey? 

This morning after reading the same recovery outcome information...the reality is that we don't know what the outcome will be. We have met so many walking miracles on this road- people who were told they would never walk again. I wholeheartedly believe Britt is already a miracle. He desires to be a survivor and there doesn't have to be a finish line or a finite goal... just forward progress a little everyday, just keep surviving- (even on the days you are only sorta surviving)...Just infinite growth. 

"I am getting better. I am going home..." 

⚓️🙏🏼❤️, 

US