How to Navigate Spouse Caregiver Burnout

From physical to emotional impacts, caring for your partner during a health crisis can feel overwhelming and complicated.

In fact, even the most devoted partners may experience burnout at some point. Here’s how to recognize spouse caregiver burnout and some steps you can take to get relief.

What Is Spouse Caregiver Burnout?

Spouse caregiver burnout is a state of exhaustion and stress that can affect people who provide ongoing care to their partner. Also called caregiver stress or caregiver fatigue, it’s something that can affect someone physically, mentally and emotionally.

Unfortunately, spouse caregiver fatigue is both very serious and very common. Caregivers face an increased risk of developing physical and mental health problems ranging from obesity to anxiety.

A survey of caregivers by Blue Cross Blue Shield found that 57% reported high levels of anxiety and depression. Many turn to alcohol, smoking and overeating to cope.

If you’re experiencing spouse caregiver burnout, rest assured that it’s very normal. Many significant others experience burnout in some form. Here’s how to recognize it and what you can do.

Signs of Burnout from Caring for Your Significant Other

Spouse caregiver burnout can affect different people in different ways. Because people are unique, no two experiences are the same. However, there are some common things you can look for. Here are some symptoms of burnout from caring for your partner:

• Physical fatigue – Some partners experience physical exhaustion from tasks that require physical effort, like lifting and assisting with mobility. Sometimes people carry on through this fatigue they wouldn’t otherwise do if their significant other wasn’t depending on them.
• Increased irritability – Chronic stress and exhaustion can make caregivers more irritable and prone to conflicts, both with their spouse and with others.
• Loss of identity – Caring for a partner takes time and is an urgent priority. Partners often give up the things that once made them feel happy and connected. They experience decreased personal time and growing social isolation, often neglecting their own health.
• Decreased job performance – A caregiver’s responsibilities can impact other parts of their lives, too. They may struggle at work, even if they were once a star employee.

8 Tips for Managing Spouse Caregiver Burnout

There are many different ways to manage caregiver burnout from taking care of your partner. Here are nine tips that others have found useful. If you’re feeling burned out, some of these tips may work for you, too.

1. Understand that your feelings are valid

Sharing your life with someone can be stressful enough on its own. On top of that, caring for a partner on a health journey is an immensely demanding and selfless role. It’s important to recognize that your emotions are entirely legitimate responses to the stress and exhaustion you’re experiencing.

It’s common to want to be the perfect caregiver—to do everything right in order to help your partner suffer less. But there’s no such thing as a perfect human. According to psychologists, the struggle for perfection can lead to a vicious cycle of feeling like you’re repeatedly falling short.

Give yourself permission to feel all of your feelings, even the ones that aren’t so pleasant. Frustration, anger, sadness or even resentment are all natural human emotions. They’re part of who you are, and they’re a testament to your being human.

2. Maintain open communication with your spouse

If you’re a caregiver for your spouse, you may be tempted to keep certain things from each other. There are many reasons for this. You may not want to burden each other. You may not be able to communicate the way you once did. You may simply not have the time to talk.

Make communication a priority. Doing so lays a foundation for mutual understanding—for a sense of working through things together. This can be especially challenging when you’re feeling burned out. However, it’s critical that your spouse knows what you’re really thinking and feeling.

“It’s all about communication, clarity, and supporting each other. Time is important in getting things in order.” 

Sandra C.

3. Know your spouse appreciates you more than they can say

While handling all of your partners’ needs, it’s easy to forget that they want to do more for themselves. This feeling often comes across as frustration at you. Remember that it’s often frustration at the situation that’s just misplaced.

“They know and love how much you’re doing for them, but the frustration can sometimes cloud their gratitude. It’s not against you personally. It’s against the situation.”

Darren T.

4. When appropriate, find humor in your situation

You’ve heard that “laughter is the best medicine.” It’s true.

According to the Mayo Clinic, laughter doesn’t just lighten your load mentally. It actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can activate and relieve your stress response, decreasing your heart rate and blood pressure. It also soothes tension by stimulating circulation and aiding muscle relaxation.

“One thing I love about him is every time we are in the waiting rooms or in the doctor’s office or waiting for surgery, he always finds a way to make me laugh and it really helps!” 

Steph D.

5. Seek emotional support

There are many places to find the emotional support you need. Open up to a close family member or a trusted friend. Call up someone whose company you enjoy and ask if they’ll join you for a walk. Turn to your church, synagogue, mosque, temple or other religious community. Join a support group, or consider making an appointment with a therapist.

No one solution is right for everyone, so it’s important to find the emotional support that’s right for you. CaringBridge has many resources for family caregivers that can help you get the support you need, from advice and inspiration to ways to keep connected with your community.

“Connect with a kindred spirit – a confidante who you can spend time talking candidly with about how you’re doing during this time. Because while we want to be there as much as possible for our spouse, we need time to recharge and even unload some of the heavy feelings that go along with this job. Allowing yourself this level of self-care will only make you a better caregiver to your spouse.” 

Riley C.

6. Find time to foster your connection with your spouse

When it comes to your connection with your spouse, it’s important to find moments that foster your relationship. These little moments of joy and understanding can help you keep in mind the love that initially brought you together. You’ll be reminded of this love when times get tough.

If physically able, taking a trip to a local park for a picnic is a fun and relaxing activity. If you just want a day inside, you and your partner can have movie day. Write your favorite movies on scraps of paper and take turns drawing them out of a hat to watch.

“Caregiving can often take over your connection. Find moments to talk about anything other than what they need. It will keep you both feeling like real people.”

Anonymous

7. Explore counseling options

Talking with someone other than your spouse about your feelings can often help take some of the weight off your shoulders. If you need an unbiased, outside source, a counselor can be an option to turn to.

Counseling is more common than ever before, and there are more ways to do it, too. You don’t have to drive to a therapist’s office if you don’t have time. Instead, you can meet with a counselor virtually or even text with a licensed therapist who can give you insights.

8. Know that it’s okay to ask for help

When someone asks if they can help, your default response may be to say that you’re fine. But what if you said “yes” and just accepted offers of help that came your way? What if you took offers of “let me know how I can help” as more than kind words? You need to ask for the help you need, even if you don’t want to.

For a lot of people, it can feel difficult accepting help. However, asking for help is critical to beating spouse caregiver burnout. Accepting help isn’t a sign of failure. You’re not being selfish. It’s necessary so that you can provide care longer without burning out. That way, you can be there for your partner throughout your healing journey.

“Ask for help, even if you don’t want to!” 

Dolores Y.

What Tips Have Helped You Navigate Spouse Caregiver Burnout?

Has anyone shared a tip with you that has helped you cope with burnout? Share your tips below.