So . . . here I am almost exactly two years later with my news that breast cancer has returned - exactly in the same spots as two years ago too. It's likely they are from microscopic cancer cells that didn't get taken out in the surgery two years ago. It's also likely that if I had opted for post-surgery radiation or chemo, these return tumor wouldn't have happened. But, I chose not to do radiation or chemo back then because I felt the odds were in my favor for non-recurrence but it didn't break that way. Bummer. (I don't regret my decision at all.)
So what's crazy is the things I wrote in 2021 about this are freakishly similar to what's happening (and what's going to happen) right now. So I'm going to edit/update this post because, as I said in 2021, I'm using this Caring Bridge site so that it makes it simpler for me to share what's going on. Having this webpage to share details is a godsend. (Of course, feel free to reach out to me individually too, if you'd like.)
Emotionally, like before, I'm not freaked out about this but I need to tend to it and take good care of myself to vanquish it.
I'm going to use this page to share the medical stuff (not TMI I hope) and list some ways I'd love to have help and support.
So here's an update of my breast cancer story:
In mid-November, I had my annual mammogram and two clumps of "suspicious cells" were spotted in the same places as the ones I had in 2021. Then I had more tests and a biopsy and found out that they are two cancerous clumps of cells that I’m once again calling C3s (my terminology) in my right breast. They are smaller than the small clumps I had before (9.5mm and .4 cm) and I will have them taken out with surgery in a few weeks. I’m considered to be in the 1A stage. Regular annual mammograms are so important; I never could have felt these as lumps and so early detection is such a blessing!
As I said, I’m not freaked out by this. I feel like it’s a nudge by the universe about what I want to do with my next life’s chapter. I have been feeling a lot of despair about the world but about six months ago I feel like I left the harder widowhood chapter and because I've had more energy, I've been thinking about what I want to do with myself.
I think these two small cancer cell clumps are asking me if I want to be “in” or “out” with life and if I’m “in”, then start living by getting rid of things that are toxic to me and go back to living with more fun and joy. So I’m "in" and I’m going to vanquish the cancer cell clumps by taking better care of myself. I don’t think it’s going to be hard.
Specifically, I have two small C3s in my upper right breast. One, at 11 o'clock is 9.5 mm and there's a cluster of four poppyseed-size ones at 10 o'clock. They have some differences between the two, which could be troublesome, but both will get scooped out with surgery to be done in the next few weeks.
From the treasure trove of info we get from the surgery, we will figure out a treatment course. I think it's likely that I will do chemo because there's a possibility that similar cells from the first bout are lying dormant in other parts of my body and chemo would take them out so that they couldn't manifest down the road. I want to be a healthy grandma for a long time to come. I will decide after we know more from the pathology results.
My surgeon is a straight-shooting little spitfire, Dr Jane Hui, and I love my oncologist, Dr Stuart Bloom. I have never met a more charming, interested doctor and he “gets” me and my perspective.
So for now I need to take good care of myself and work on energetically shrinking these recurring C3s, between now and surgery.
I’ll have the surgery in mid-December and between now and then, I’d like some prayerful visualizing help to energetically shrink the cancer cell clumps.
A couple times in my life, I’ve been a part of several concentrated prayer-visualization groups that, at a specific time every day, would pray for healing for a specific thing for a dear ones. My experience was that it was powerful and it made things better for the friends I was praying for; and I believe the “group thing” makes the healing energy exponentially stronger.
I'm also reactivating my FB Call To Prayer for Terre page:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/424080522606610For the next couple weeks, until my surgery, would you take a few seconds or minutes at 8pm? (I’m going to set my phone alarm) and pray-visualize my breast cancer cells to shrink and go away and that I am restored to beautiful strong terrific health. I’d love it if you’d join the group. On the FB group page, I’ll share some of the things I’ve loved about doing specific-time group prayer-visualization and it’s nice to get notes and comments from others too. I would love to know who’s in the prayer circle with me, so if you're doing it, please let me know :)
