Molly Bonner

First post: Oct 10, 2020 Latest post: 7 hours ago
Hello friends and family! This feels awkward and strange to be writing to you all at once - immediate family, best friends, close friends, acquaintances, extended family, strangers even, who have offered their support having been in my shoes - but I will get over it soon enough.

Just to bring you all up to speed... I'm sorry for those who have already heard all of this - this is part of why this website will help me so much, I will only have to make one update ☺️ for days when I feel I can't respond to texts etc, and I can even have Michael or Shanis do an update for me.

I was diagnosed with stage 2/3 breast cancer a couple of weeks ago and it has been a whirlwind. My cluster of tumors I have 3 right next to each other) measures 8cm, and the one in my lymph node is just under 2cm. Usually a tumor over 5cm is stage 3, but because it's not in 3 or more lymph nodes, that would make it stage 2. So optimistically my oncologist is calling it stage 2. 🙂

I am being treated at UCSF and I feel I am in great hands! I am taking part of a clinical trial and will find out on the 16th if I will be having an investigational drug in addition to my other chemotherapy. I will be getting a port put in on the 19th, and start 12 weeks of taxol infusions on the 21st. Following that I will have 8 weeks of biweekly infusions of AC (doxorubicin). My oncologist says patients call this one the Red Devil... 😐 She figured I would google it and I might as well hear it from her first. I have no more than a month left of my hair, yikes. Ladies, don't complain when you start going grey because it can always be worse haha. I was finally starting to come to terms with my grey tresses and stopped dyeing them over a year ago.

Following the chemo I will be having a double mastectomy, radiation, hormone therapy pills for 5+ years, and some kind of ovary suppression or removal.

Okay, deep breath Molly. Remember to breathe and stay in the present. I'm feeling scared about everything. That's an understatement really. I have so much strength from my mom who is also going through chemo right now, and from my husband who I know is scared but he doesn't show it. But I am terrified of losing my hair, the way my son is going to look at me, the sickness of the chemo, the possibility that I might not make it at all. I have been very emotional and can definitely use your support and love as I go through this new challenge of life, all while maintaining my ever important sobriety.

Shanis told me about this wonderful website and it will allow you to post words of encouragement, and for me to ask for help when I need it (meals mainly). Thank you so much for being a part of my journey.

I got a highly amusing fortune in my fortune cookie today. It said "You will have a happy adventure soon." 😂 But God does amazing things, and we rarely understand his reasons. Already I have been gifted with closer relationships, new friendships, the gift of asking for help and allowing myself to feel worthy of that help. Lastly, I have been given a new appreciation for life. My heart feels like it has grown warm again and bigger than it ever has been. So much love to each and every one of you. 🙏❤️🙏

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