I am one of many who did not grow up with the images we see on television as the perfect family. Sexually abused as early as the age of 3, which lasted years and morphed in more horrors by other's over the following years. My life was in constant turmoil beginning before I ever had a chance to establish who I was or would be. It wasn't until after many bad decisions, close calls with death, and living a life most only read in off beat novels. At the age of 30 everything that physically happened to me ran headlong into all the many physical issues I had since birth. I now know how what you were born and how the interactions you have growing up, can lead to a life of total chaos, depression, self hatred, and feelings of hopelessness.
The two key illnesses: Physical - Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia, and Mental - Bipolar One / Borderline Personality Disorder/ Severe Anxiety Disorder, PTSD.
CAH screws around your endocrine system beginning with dysfunctional adrenal glands that do not produce enough cortisol.
The Mental Illnesses, well they are altered by the need of synthetic cortisol (makes the Bipolar manic)
I have spent over 28 years in therapy. I have been in the psychiatric hospitals 13 times.
I have spent numerous hours in the ER getting fluids, solu-cortif, and zofran...sometimes even morphine while in adrenal crisis.
Over the years I have added a multitude of other physical ailments and require 25 medications a day.
It is a constant game each day to bring myself to a point of decision, "Is it worth getting out of bed today?"
As I work my way through these pages my broken brain will spew forth the unknown in a manner of which will have needed to at that moment.