My name is Becca. The last couple months have been some of the most confusing, unnerving and helpless in my entire life. I began having headaches that would wake me up in the middle of the night, bring me to my knees mid-day and make me question what my new normal would be. It was a throbbing pain that would start in the back of my head and quickly but surely wrap around to the front of my head with an unbearable pulse. Much like a fire truck you can hear coming around the corner and, before you know it, it’s on your front step.
So I went to the eye doctor. They examined my eyes and saw nothing too peculiar upon initial inspection. Upon further inspection through dilation, a swollen and pressurized optic nerve was uncovered. I was sent immediately across the street to the hospital for a CT scan from the ER. My results from this were ones that never leave you the same. A large mass was found in the back of my brain. They didn’t know if it was cancerous, they didn’t know if it was anywhere else in my body and they didn’t know how long it had been there. I was immediately life flighted by helicopter to receive an MRI from another hospital where I was to remain on meds to help with swelling and pain until surgery. It was determined that the best surgeons were at Barnes Jewish Hospital in Saint Louis. So I was transferred there. It’s been a whole lot of “hurry up and wait”. What I want to do with this journal is wait well. God is my rock, my king, my best friend and when I heard this news for the first time, I had peace, strength, hope, comfort and power flooding into my heart. I had no time to feel alone or powerless. My God was with me. God has been telling me that the waiting is just as worthwhile, just as important, as getting the tumor removed. So here I am. Waiting well and with a purpose. This mass will be a masterpiece.