And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
There has been many times within the last few years where life has felt like we've been trying to build a house of cards while an industrial fan is blowing. . . It has felt from time to to like a giant mess. We have gone through multiple brain surgeries with our Kate and things are still unclear. My baby dog goes blind and then came yesterday. . .
I received a call the Thursday before Christmas that left me speechless, shaking and in complete shock. I heard word on a biopsy that was taken last week. I have a rare form of breast cancer called Paget's Disease.
Within a matter of a few minutes I had a million feelings once again and I solidly landed on one since. With my Lord I will NOT be shaken and this will not be spirit killing and NOT dim my faith in the least. I will not waste one minute on pondering the why. I am not going to squander any time on wallowing in sadness. I have just watched one of my biggest little heroes fight like none other and with my Savior and my amazing family we're ready to take this on.
I saw a breast surgeon on December 23rd (he was very kind and caring) and he confirmed the diagnosis and I will be having more testing. I will be having an ultrasound guided biopsy on December 28. Then I will be having an MRI on Jan. 2. On Jan. 3 the surgeon and the oncology group will be meeting on my case with all the results in hand and discuss the plan of attack. He assured me we are going to beat this and that there are many things to combat it, it just remains to be seen what those things will be. Surgery is a definite either a lumpectomy or a mastectomy depending what the tests show. It is uncertain yet if chemo or radiation will be needed. Day at a time and one step at a time. . . I am not going to allow this to dim my spirits or my faith and neither should you.
Please pray for Aaron and the kids, I am mostly concerned for them. The biggest thing I am struggling with is I hate to add to my children's burden. My babies have had to face SO very much (especially Mikey, he remembers Arianna's heart surgery as well). They are amazingly strong and faithful people and I see God using these things to create more and more tenacity, empathy and kindness in their hearts. Most definitely good is coming from this and will continue to.
Again, please don't waste time with the why's or how could this happens. . . it's wasted energy and time. I am at peace with it and am thankful I finally have an answer for why I have been having pain, discomfort etc. for going on 2 years.
God's timing is so interesting. I got this difficult news, but then had the treasured privilege to hear my kiddos and all of my babies (all of the school kids are also my babies, as I love them as my own) in the Children's Christmas Service. It was SO beautiful. The singing, the music and those shining faces was truly heavenly. We sang the song I have here "He's Intentional". I felt my Savior sliding his hand in mine, telling me so loudly and clearly through the voices of all of my babies (born to me and not) that all the things that feel messy, crazy, difficult and out of control, God is intentional about them. He intricately is not only guiding every thing little and big for each one of our personal good, but also is going to more than help us see it through.
This is such new territory for me. . . both in finding my way with cancer treatment and also with being the patient. I am not at ALL used to being the patient. Hold me tight Lord.
God is still on his throne and we are about to celebrate him coming in a manger. I still have FAR more reasons to rejoice than to complain. The Lord God is bigger and infinitely stronger than any cancer.
May you all have a blessed and wonderful Christmas and New Year. We are going to.
Love and hugs,
Laura and her beloved crew https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jowbGMtga80