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Sunday, May 1, 2005 9:56 PM CDT

Here's an interesting tid bit of information and an example of how wonderful our God is. Today, we were finally able to get our little girl's name translated. The Chinese characters have an amazing meaning. . .beautiful Dawn. Isn't that wonderful? To us, this is another confirmation that she was always meant for us. She is already named after her new mom!

Saturday, April 30, 2005 7:39 PM CDT

Big things are happening in the Smith house. First of all, we finalized Daniel's adoption on Friday! YAY! Our little Lee, Jang Ho is officially Daniel Jang Ho Lee Smith! YIPPEE! He's got such personality. We enjoy him so much. He wants to do everything the other kids do and say everything they say. He is precious and perfect for our family. We are truely blessed in every way.

Next bit of news is: we are starting the process for a little girl who will be 5 years old May 24. She is in Taiwan and also has special needs, different than Daniel's. She was born with a heart condition, facial dysmorphism, and a club foot. She has mild low muscle tone and as a result has some gross motor delays and speech delays. She has been in foster care almost since birth. Her mother was a drug addict so some of her problems could come from that. We don't have as much medical history on her as we did Daniel but just the same, we feel like she is our child. . .the one we've been praying for to complete our family. We plan on calling her Willow Jade Shiau-Chian Smith.

We are already starting to do fundraisers to raise money to bring her home. We will be selling t-shirts that say "my heart has been touched by adoption" if you are interested, send me a note and I'll email you the logo that will be printed on the front of the shirts. My email address is at the bottom of this page. The shirts will sell for $12 each and come in all different sizes and colors. Please join us in praying for a speedy paper chase so we can bring Willow home to her forever family.

Sunday, April 17, 2005 8:10 PM CDT

Wow it's been a l-o-n-g time since I updated.

Daniel didn't end up having his surgery because he got sick the week before and had a fever up until 2 days before the surgery was scheduled. When we went in for his pre op appointment, the anesthesiologist didn't feel comfortable with doing the surgery until he had been fever free for two weeks. Then, after that, DJ started to go potty in the toilet more often and Matt and I decided not to have it done because we don't want him to regress. He will be too traumatized. We are getting mixed opinions on our decision but we think that it's best not to put him under general anesthesia and cause him all that unnecessary pain for something so cosmetic.

We are pleased to announce that we are finalizing Daniel's adoption and officially changing his name to Daniel Jang Ho Lee Smith on April 29! YAY! What a blessing this sweet little boy has been to our family. I'll update the site with pictures of our ceremony.

Friday, March 25, 2005 8:56 PM CST

Things are going well in the Smith house! The kids seem to be over the flu and cold bugs that they had ALL WINTER. We have been enjoying the warm weather of spring in Texas!

We decided to put Noah in the base school for MANY reasons. . .too many to list here and he is very happy with his new teacher and classmates. Lilli is staying home with Daniel and I for the rest of the school year. We are working on things at home and are enjoying our time together. She will start at the PreK program here on base in the fall. It is only a half day program so I feel better about having her there rather than a full day program.

Daniel is doing well with his speech therapy. He continues to say new words all the time. His new favorite word is "fish" which sounds more like "ish." He finds fish everywhere it seems and enjoys using his new word to tell us about them. He is having a circumcision surgery on April 1st. Matt is taking off work to help with that. (Mommy doesn't want to take him!)

I have a new job working as the nursery coordinator for our church and that is going very well. The little bit of extra income that it brings in is helpful.

I posted new pictures from our trip to the strawberry patch today. It was a wonderful trip! Enjoy!

Love, Dawn

Monday, March 14, 2005 12:44 AM CST

Well, it has taken me a few days to get to this but I took Daniel to the doctor last Wednesday and they will be referring us to a neuro surgeon. It seems there is some question about his abnormal head shape. The new pediatrician wants to rule out sagittal cranio stenosis. In a nutshell, this long name means that the plates in his skull fused together too early, not giving his head enough time to grow. His head is long and skinny from front to back with a bony ridge on top. If he does have cranio stenosis, it is something that can be fixed surgically by removing the bony ridge and reshaping his skull with a helmet. There is minimal scarring because the incision is made at the hairline.

We still haven't heard anything about his referrals to the geneticist. I heard that the only one we have here is deployed right now so it might be a while before we can do any genetic testing.

We are going back to the doctor today because everyone is sick again with nasty colds. Daniel has had a stuffy/ runny nose for 5 days and this morning woke up sticking his finger in his ear saying "ouch". He hasn't had a fever really so I don't know if there is an infection but if he's telling me "ouch" then it's worth looking into because he has a high tolerance for pain.

He is scheduled for his circumcision on April 1st. Please pray that Matt will be able to get the day off because there is some question whether or not he will be going to PLDC training during that time. He's trying to postpone it but we still haven't heard anything yet.

Thursday, February 17, 2005 9:01 AM CST

I know it's been a while since I updated. Things have been busy around here. My sister Chelse got married and we had a lot of company. I've been busy trying to go to school (trying) and as usual one person or another has been sick. This time, we're all passing around sinus infections and ear infections. Daniel had it first, then me and now Lilliana is on antibiotics to clear hers up. Today, someone is coming to rewire our air conditioner because there is a broken wire inside the wall. If it's not one thing its another.

Other than the usual business that life brings, things are good. Noah is doing well in school. His teacher is truly a gift from God and just what Noah needs. She's very strict but he thrives with her consistent routines and high expectations. He's just finishing up the basketball season at the youth center on post. He's really loved playing and made some great improvements. He isn't interested in playing Tball so we didn't sign him up for that. He's planning on taking swimming lessons this summer. In the meantime, I might put both Noah and Lilli back in Tae Kwon Do. They enjoyed that and now maybe they'll be able to concentrate better on something besides their reflections in the mirror.

Lilliana is liking school better. For a while she didn't want to go and I found out that it was because they made her lay down and have rest time. It wasn't until she stayed home for a couple of days when she was sick this last time that she realized that she'd probably be having rest time at home anyway. She decided school was better because her friends are there.

Daniel is making great progress with his speech therapy. He said 4 new words during last week's session. As far as his next steps medically are concerned, we are waiting for a call from the geneticist to see about genetic testing for him to rule out any chromosomal abnormalities or genetic disorders. He's starting to put words together like "Mommy out" "Noah bye bye" "UH OH Daddy" etc. He can navigate the playground by our house better than any 2 year old. He loves cars and basketball, jumps on the trampoline. He's 100% boy and so much fun! He's blended into our family perfectly. He sleeps in his bed all the way through the night now and is almost completely weaned off the bottle. He only has water in it at naptime and bedtime. We'll be phasing those out pretty soon too. All and all, he's just normal.

I'll keep you posted if we find out anything new.

Thursday, January 27, 2005 8:41 PM CST

Daniel had his MRI on his brain last week. We got the results today. Pretty good report! He does have the brain problems diagnosed by the Korean doctors but the things that could be effected by the missing membrane like optic nerves, pituitary gland, corpus colossum, are all normal. He also has what is called "unilateral closed lip schizencephaly" which is the best report one could get about a kid with a schizencephaly diagnosis. In short, we now have a definite diagnosis. It will qualify him for all kinds of "special needs" type help if he ever needs it. As for now, he's perfectly normal as far as anyone can tell. . .he's just got a different sort of brain. We'll be keeping a close eye out for learning disabilities and behavior problems in the future but he's done so well so far that there is no reason to think that anything will surface.

On a side note. . .the MRI revealed that he has inflamed sinuses. They are treating him with Amoxicillin for a sinus infection even though that isn't exactly what it is but we'll follow up in a couple weeks and see if maybe he can breath out of his nose. That might be why he's such a mouth breather and drools so much!

Monday, January 24, 2005 7:25 AM CST

Looking for something to do for soldiers???

I cut and pasted this from a military spouse website I belong to. I think it's a great idea!

I found a small article in the post paper about this program called "Take a Wounded Soldier to the Movie".

What you do is put a package together with a DVD , candy , unpopped popcorn packets , an AT&T phone card and a letter from the person or family that put it together about their thoughts and support. Then you mail it to Landstuhl and the Chaplains office gives them out to wounded soldiers.

It was fun to put one together.

The address is:

Take a Wounded Soldier to the Movie
Attn: Pastoral Services
Landstuhl Regional Medical Center
CMR 402
APO AE 09180

Friday, January 14, 2005 6:49 PM CST

You'll never believe what happened today! Here's the story:

For the last few days, Daniel has been obsessed with underwear. . .anyone's underwear, mine, Daddy's, Noah's, Lilli's. He doesn't care who's they are, he just wants to wear them. He tries to put them on over his clothes, diaper whatever. Tonight, he brought me a pair of my underwear with one leg already inside saying "me, me!" asking me to help him put them on. I told him no, those were mommy's underwear and if he wanted to wear underwear he had to go pee pee in the potty. He poked the front of his diaper and said "pee pee." I told him yes, pee pee. He pointed to his diaper and said "pee pee" again and pointed to the door, toward the bathroom. Not thinking he would really do anything, I gave in and took him upstairs to the bathroom and took off his diaper. He knew right what to do! (this isn't something we've worked on at all) He sat down on his little potty and pretty soon I heard something! I gasped! I said "are you going pee pee?" I looked, and sure enough, there it was! I started squealing and clapping. This started Daniel of course and he had this look of horror and started crying like he'd done something wrong. He shut off the pee pee right away and I couldn't get him to finish. He was too unnerved by my sudden squeals. I don't think he's anywhere near being close to ready to potty train yet though. I can't imagine it. His communication skills aren't there yet, I don't think but what an amazing breakthrough! I think he understands! This is one happy mommy!

Thursday, January 13, 2005 6:09 PM CST

Sorry it's been a while since I last updated. I started school and things are crazy right now with homework and kids and my sister's wedding plans and family coming. . .the list goes on and on.

Things are good. Noah and Lilli are doing great in school and Daniel LOVES the daycare that he goes to while I'm in school. We are so blessed to have Ms. Karolyn living only 2 doors down. I can't believe how well he is doing there! I have a hard time getting him to leave on some days! She is very impressed by how smart he is.

DJ continues to improve almost daily with his speech. He is still saying at least one new word a day and has started to use more consonant sounds. The speech therapist says she is pleased with his progress.

Tuesday, January 4, 2005 11:14 AM CST

I took Daniel to the doctor yesterday for a follow up. While I was there, I noticed a little girl who looked to be about 3 years old. She had a very large hole in the side of her face, near her nose. You could see right into her sinus cavity. . .I think that's what it was. The hole was about the size and shape of a jalepeno pepper. (for lack of a better comparison) The bridge of her nose was gone. She had two small straw like things keeping her nostrils, or what was left of them open. She was obviously blind in the eye near the open cavity. She had several smaller scars all over the same side of her face. It was one of those situations where you don't exactly know what to do, or say. Avert your eyes to avoid staring? Make conversation with the mother to see if she will give you some clue as to what happened?

Daniel was being his usual wild, rowdy self, climbing on everything, trying to push the stroller through the very crowded waiting room and bumping into things. He wouldn't sit down no matter how hard I tried. I sighed and said "you make me tired" Well, the mother of this child sitting next to me laughed and asked "How old is he" AHA! My chance! I told her "20 months. . .How old is she?"

Her reply was. . ."We don't know. She's Iraqi. She caught a car bomb in the face. My husband is a surgeon and operated on her. They found her in a field and think she'd probably been there for about 3 days. She was dying. I've been taking care of her so that she can get the medical care that she needs. She'll need several more reconstructive surgeries to rebuild her face."

I asked, "Will you adopt her."

The woman replied "We want to but her parental rights have not been terminated. We don't know anything about her. We don't know if she has any family, where her parents are. She was the only survivor."

Daniel was called back and when I came back out, she was gone. The little girl's face is still in my head though, haunting me, reminding me again that while we pray for our soldiers, we also need to pray for the people of Iraq, especially the children.

Thursday, December 23, 2004 12:11 AM CST

Merry Christmas everyone! We have been so blessed this year! We are rejoicing over Daniel's first Christmas in America! We praise God for the blessings and joy He's brought into our life through our little Korean angel. It's wonderful to see the joy of Christmas through his little brown, almond shaped eyes!

This holiday however, comes with bittersweet sadness that can't be ignored. In the midst of our joy comes a longing for our beautiful twin angel-girls who are not with us. We miss them so! We have their ornaments on the tree and their stockings are out but memories are not enough to fill empty arms. My heart aches to hold them, so much that I dreamed of having them in my arms last night.

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family. Your love has been so appreciated!

Have a BLESSED holiday!

Friday, December 17, 2004 9:10 AM CST

Happy Holidays everyone! We have lots of good news to share! First off, I never updated the page to say that Lilli has NO MORE FOOD ALLERGIES! Yippee! No more reading labels! She can eat all her favorite foods without feeling sick; ice cream, macaroni and cheese, etc. I'm so glad she's finally grown out of that!

Secondly, I put the big kids back in school. Since Daniel's been home, it's been hard for Noah to do homeschool because he needs so much routine. It's hard to do everything the same way everyday when you have a toddler hanging on your leg. We put them in a charter school for gifted and talented kids and they are THRIVING! They allow kids to work ahead as they need to so Noah is reading 3rd grade level books and doing multiplication tables! It's wonderful. He hasn't gotten in trouble yet! I think the key is that he is CHALLENGED! Praise God! This leads me to my next bit of good news.

Since the big kids are in school, I have decided to go back to school myself. I start Jan 11 with 14 credits. I managed to keep all my classes to 2 days a week while the kids are in school and arranged for a lady in our neighborhood to take care of Daniel on those days. I think it will be good for everyone involved. My goal is to finish my AA before we move out of San Antonio and be ready to start at the University level wherever we end up next. I'll be going for a nutrition degree and then later lactation consultant certification.

Lastly, Daniel had his first session with the speech therapist yesterday and picked up a new word! He now says "ball" (which sounds much more like BAAAAH but we're getting there) and he also says ruff at the dog's picture! Two new things out of a 30 minute session! Speech therapy is definitely going to help him! This morning he said "kick" (well, I can understand it at least) We are making progress!

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 5:02 PM CST

The Easter Seals Early Childhood Intervention team came today to do some work with Daniel. They were evaluating his Cognative skills, Gross motor, fine motor, speech etc. They said that he is AT LEAST on target, if not advanced in all areas except speech. In speech, he is on a 6-8 month old level. Most likely due to the language change. They want him to pick up more understanding of the English language and also more consonant sounds in his babbling and more words. They say that because he has a pretty extensive Korean vocabulary, they have confidence that benefit IMMENSELY from speech therapy and most likely be a quick study because he's so smart. They told me over and over how impressed they were with his cognative skills, balance, etc. It was nice to hear a professional confirm what we already knew. He's a very bright boy. YAY!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004 12:38 AM CST

We went to the neurologist today. The doctor was very nice. He referred us to radiology for an MRI but said that we won't have to have an EEG unless we think he is having seizures. There seems to be no evidence of that. We don't know any more today than we did yesterday but it was reassuring to hear the doctor tell us how great he is! He mostly just asked a lot of questions and observed Daniel at work! He's a very busy boy and the doctor said he seems pretty normal. YAY!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 7:52 PM CST

Daniel saw the opthalmologist today. While we were there, Daniel said a new word. "No" The doctor asked him something like "Can I just cover this eye and see what the other one does?" or something like that. Daniel shook his head and answered with an emphatic "NOoooooooo!" In spite of his unwillingness to participate in the exam, they found that he is a little farsighted but it is within the normal range for his age. His crossing eye and his depth perception problem are most likely related to the absent septum pellucidum diagnosis that he has. They said that his optic nerves seemed to be the right size, which is encouraging because narrowed optic nerves can be a problem with the particular brain abnormality that Daniel has been diagnosed with. Basically, it is because each eye works independently of the other and there is minimal communication between the two. The doctor explained that this type of vision problem is something Daniel can learn to overcome with time. The depth perception problem will only effect him if he wants to be a pilot or something like that. We had an audiology appointment scheduled today as well but we spent SO LONG in the eye doctor's office that we missed his hearing check. It was rescheduled for Dec 2. I'm not worried about his hearing though.

Our next appointments at WHMC will be for Lilli's allergy testing next Monday and Tuesday and our BIG NEUROLOGY CONSULT on the 23rd. I doubt that we will know anything from the neurologists on that day but at least we will be able to get the ball rolling for some more testing for Daniel and his super-genius brain.

Monday, November 8, 2004 2:56 PM CST

Daniel is adjusting better and better all the time. We feel he has become very attatched to our family and is learning and growing more and more every day. He's saying new words all the time and is a parrot that repeats everything. He points at things that he wants and grunts to ask if he can have it. He has recently began telling on his brother and sister if he doesn't like something that they are doing. We are so proud of our big smart boy. There are no signs of the neurological problems that were described in his medical file but we are awaiting his upcoming neurology exam(s) to breathe that sigh of relief. There are new pictures on the site. Enjoy!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 7:21 PM CDT

Daniel has added another sign! He can now sign "all gone" in addition to "more" and "please". We're still working on thank you. He also can say "uh-oh" now and is working on saying NOAH. (He can get the No part but then can't figure out how to put on the ah) He'll get it soon, I know it. We are going to urology tomorrow and then audiology on Friday. Lilli had her swallow study done yesterday and I still haven't heard anything about it yet so I'm assuming that everything is just fine. I'll keep you posted. Keep us in your prayers for all of our upcoming Dr. appointments.

Sunday, October 17, 2004 12:07 AM CDT

Daniel continues to learn new things every day. He is now saying Kitty, Mama, Daddy, Bye Bye, and Water. He has started signing "more please" also. We are working on the signs individually now so he can distinguish between the two.

Everyone else around here has a nasty cold. DJ and I are the only ones that aren't sick. I hope that Matt feels better before he has to go to work next week. He has a few more days to recover.

Thursday, October 14, 2004 8:16 AM CDT

Daniel's appointment at the pediatrician's office went well yesterday. We saw our dear friend Dr. Nishikawa who was one of the resident doctors that helped take care of the twins. We had quite a reunion at the hospital while we were there. We were able to visit with 2 of the neonatologists, one of the fellows and several nurses that were involved with Brynleigh and Victoria's care. Then we ate dinner in the basement cafeteria. That's always a treat for Noah and Lilliana. They love the basement of the hospital!

Dr. Nishikawa is referring us to several specialists to follow up on some of Daniel's medical diagnoses. We will be seeing neurology, opthamology, urology, and possibly endocrinology. Dr. Nishikawa will be calling us with more information today. All of the doctors we saw yesterday said the same thing. . .he looks very healthy and very normal. YAY! We'll see what we find out after his neurology visit!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004 8:56 AM CDT

We had a better night last night!! Daniel went to bed happily at 8:00 pm and only woke up briefly at about 11:00 when he couldn't find his special pillow. He quieted down easily when I gave it to him and rocked him for a minute. After that, he slept ALL NIGHT!!!! He came into our room with a smiling happy face at 7:30 this morning. We all feel much more rested. Hopefully he keeps it up!

Friday, October 8, 2004 6:28 PM CDT

Last night Daniel (aka DJ) gave me his first slobbery, pizza sauce covered kiss! It was precious! He's been really lovey dovey today too. I was kissing his cheeks in the grocery store and he kept turning his head and holding his cheek out for me to do it again! Then in the parking lot, he wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a great big hug!

Also, he says "kitty" now! It sounds like "kit" and he knows his name too! When you say "DJ" he turns around and looks at you. He doesn't know Daniel yet though. Poor thing. . .he had to come to a house where we call him two different things, as if changing his name once wasn't enough. (at least I have kept Lilli from calling him Skippy!) He's adjusting to everything well though (except that sleeping thing. . .we got up at 3:30 this morning to play!)

Tuesday, October 5, 2004 10:31 AM CDT

We made it home! Our flight was delayed by quite a bit and we didn't land until 11:20pm but there was still a huge crowd of people waiting for us! It was AMAZING! The flight went unbelievably well. Thank you for praying, God answered your prayers! Daniel hardly cried (at least not more than any one year old would) and the people that were sitting around us were so patient and helpful!

We didn't get to bed last night until 2am and Daniel didn't sleep well. He was up about every hour until we got up with him at 8 am. We will all be taking naps today! :)

For those of you who live in the San Antonio area, there should be a story on the channel 12 news here tonight. Also, the San Antonio Express News will be doing a write up on Wednesday.

Now comes Daniel's adjustment period. He's been clingy to me, plays for short periods of time but will often cry and hold on to his special pillow from Korea. WE ARE SO GLAD TO HAVE HIM HOME!!!

Sunday, October 3, 2004 7:22 AM CDT

Today's visit with Daniel did not go well at all. He cried the entire hour and a half that he was with me! I really need your prayers right now more than ever before! Daniel will come to me at 12:30 tomorrow, giving us a little less than an hour together before we leave for the airport. Please pray for him! He has been so upset by all of this and he needs comfort for the plane ride tomorrow!

Thanks!

A very anxious momma

Friday, October 1, 2004 4:34am; Seoul time

Hello from Seoul!!!!! I was able to spend about an hour with Daniel yesterday afternoon and he didn't like me. I looked different to him, he couldn't understand what I was saying and wanted NOTHING to do with me! I will visit him in his foster mother's home this afternoon and because of his strong dislike for his new mommy he gets to spend the night with me before I leave!!! YAY!!! His foster mother will drop him off in the evening on Sunday. That gives me one night and almost a whole day to be with him before we board the plane. I am hoping that it will help us on the plane somewhat. Otherwise, he'll be wanting to sit on any other Korean-looking person's lap and not mine! Please pray for peace and comfort for Daniel.

Monday, September 27, 2004 5:45 PM CDT

I am packing and getting everything ready for my trip to Korea to get Daniel tomorrow! I am so excited! I will be meeting Daniel and his foster mother on Thursday afternoon at 1:30pm Seoul time. His Korean social worker says that he is very friendly and that he should adjust well to his new home. I will be leaving tomorrow evening. Please keep us in your prayers as I fly through the night on my first overseas trip and Matt and my sister take turns with the kids at home. I can't wait to show him off. I'll post pictures as soon as I can!

Thursday, September 23, 2004 10:32 AM CDT

We have received word that Daniel has been cleared for travel!!! I spent most of the day yesterday making travel arrangements and it looks like I will be picking him up in Korea next week! My tentative travel arrangements are to leave on Tuesday the 28th and to return with Daniel on October 4th! Our waiting is nearly over and I will be meeting our new addition in less than a week! Praise God! Please pray for travelling mercy and that God will bless us with the $$ for the trip. My ticket alone will be more than $1000! Then there's Daniel's ticket, donations to the agency in Korea, guest house fees, food, etc. when I get there! I could use the extra $$ so shop on my Mary Kay website please! :) www.marykay.com/gr8day4skincare.com

On a side note: Lilli was in the ER last night for 7 hours because Noah was playing "football" with her in the kitchen. He pushed her and she bonked her head on the corner of the wall just right, hard enough to lay her head open. She now has 3 staples "keeping her brain in" as she says. She was afraid that her brain might fall out the hole in her head. :)

Thank you for your prayers! I will be updating you all and putting new pictures on the site when we return from Korea in a couple of weeks! This has been a whirlwind year but haven't we been blessed to see God's hand in it all? He is good ALL THE TIME!!!

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 9:48 AM CDT

Alice, our social worker called this morning to tell me that Korea has issued Daniel's passport. Now we are just waiting for the Visa cable to get to Seoul. When the two are matched up, then they will tie up all the loose ends required for his TRAVEL CLEARANCE!!!! WOO HOO!

We are getting closer!

Sunday, August 29, 2004 5:16 PM CDT

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I have no news on Daniel's adoption. We are still waiting on visa, passport and travel clearance so I can go get him and bring him HOME! I will let you know when I hear anything.

Saturday, July 24, 2004 9:16 PM CDT

Tomorrow we will be celebrating what would have been Bryn and Tori's first birthday. We're having a picnic, and balloons and cupcakes to celebrate. There is an article coming out in the San Antonio Express News also. www.mysa.com What a blessing they were to so many!

Saturday, July 17, 2004 6:13 PM CDT

I just returned from the Mary Kay seminar in Dallas. I had a great time and came home with a renewed dedication to doing whatever I need to do to be able to continue to be a stay at home mom. That means SELLING MORE MARY KAY!!

Anyway. . .great things were waiting for me when I arrived back at home! First, new photos of Daniel were in my email inbox and are now on this site as well and second, another great demonstration of God's provision! We received a check for $2800 which is exactly 1/2 of what we have left to pay for Daniel's adoption expenses. Isn't God good? It was a totally unexpected inheritance check. This is just another great illustration of how God takes care of us when we line ourselves up with his plan.

I will be finishing up the candle fundraiser in a couple of weeks to try to raise the rest of the money. I haven't sold too many candles but I am not worried. God will provide.

We are just finishing the paperwork for Daniel's travel clearance. This is the last remaining step toward bringing him HOME! Please pray that it will be soon!

Saturday, July 17, 2004 6:13 PM CDT

I just returned from the Mary Kay seminar in Dallas. I had a great time and came home with a renewed dedication to doing whatever I need to do to be able to continue to be a stay at home mom. That means SELLING MORE MARY KAY!!

Anyway. . .great things were waiting for me when I arrived back at home! First, new photos of Daniel were in my email inbox and are now on this site as well and second, another great demonstration of God's provision! We received a check for $2800 which is exactly 1/2 of what we have left to pay for Daniel's adoption expenses. Isn't God good? It was a totally unexpected inheritance check. This is just another great illustration of how God takes care of us when we line ourselves up with his plan.

I will be finishing up the candle fundraiser in a couple of weeks to try to raise the rest of the money. I haven't sold too many candles but I am not worried. God will provide.

We are just finishing the paperwork for Daniel's travel clearance. This is the last remaining step toward bringing him HOME! Please pray that it will be soon!

Monday, June 21, 2004 5:18 PM CDT

We are selling candles for a fundraiser for Daniel's adoption through The Secret Gardens Candle Company. If any of you would like to buy candles to help us raise money to pay the rest of Daniel's adoption expenses, email me at peanutmommy@sbcglobal.net. I will send you more information individually. Thanks!

Thursday, June 17, 2004 9:53 AM CDT

For those of you who've been begging for an update, here it is! The social worker that did our homestudy was sick last week and having computer problems at home so she was unable to finish as quickly as she predicted. I just spoke with her on the phone and she said that she would have it completed within the next day or so. At that point, I just have to proof read it and it will then be sent on to the agency. I am taking the necessary steps to be ready for international travel myself. I got my first round of shots and am due for another round next week. I picked up my passport application and now just need to go get a photo taken. At home we are ready. Daniel's room is completely put together and he has clothes waiting for him in his drawers. His high chair sits next to the table and his car seat just arrived last week. The only thing that we are missing is a baby!

We are also working on funding the remainder of the adoption. We are about $5500 short (plus travel expenses) of having the entire amount. If anyone would like to contribute, it can be done via paypal: peanutmommie@msn.com or through our Wells Fargo Account that we set up for the girls. The account number can be found in the past journal entries here.

Tuesday, June 1, 2004 7:11 PM CDT

We just finished our last homestudy visit. It went well. We should know in a couple of weeks for sure but I think we passed!

Wednesday, May 26, 2004 6:09 PM CDT

One homestudy visit down, one to go! I feel like it went really well. She talked to both of us together and then spoke with Matt by himself. Next time, she will do my individual interview and talk to the kids.

Saturday, May 22, 2004 8:06 PM CDT

Our social worker called today and we scheduled our first homestudy visit for Wednesday! I am so excited! She seemed very nice on the phone and that eased my nerves about this whole process somewhat. She plans on doing two visits. The second one will be on June 1. After that, it will only be a couple of weeks before we move on to the next step which is getting Daniel's travel clearance and USCIS paperwork done. I also need to get my shots and passport just in case I decide to travel. I'm leaning in that direction but I'll be travelling without Matt. I may have to take my friend Nicole instead! We can't afford for all 4 of us to fly and someone will need to stay with the kids. There is so much to do in the next few weeks! We have to take an infant child CPR course too! It's a little overwhelming but I know that it will all come together in God's time.

Meanwhile, we are plugging away on things at home. We just finished Daniel's room upstairs, right next to ours. We moved the office downstairs in what would have been Bryn and Tori's room so now it makes it hard to call it that anymore. It's just as well. . .It's strange to have a bedroom in our house called Bryn and Tori's old room when Bryn and Tori never even slept in it. Their stuff is still here in my hope chest but the room looks very much like an office now. I like having the office downstairs much better anyway.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 12:56 AM CDT

Our social worker at the adoption agency told us that we should be hearing from the local social worker who will be doing our homestudy this week. I've been practically sitting by the phone. No word yet. If she doesn't call by Friday, I'm supposed to let them know. This waiting is killing me. I know the social workers are busy but don't they know that I'm missing his life?! He's taking steps, learning new words. . .I missed his birthday and I can't even send him presents until AFTER the homestudy is done. Please, say a prayer that this will come together quickly!

Tuesday, May 4, 2004 8:20 PM CDT

We got our official approval today on our formal application. Our packet will be sent to a social worker here in San Antonio for review and then she will call us to schedule our homestudy visits.

Tomorrow is Daniel's birthday. Noah is taking his picture to school for show and tell and will talk about the Korean birthday tradition of Tol. I am making Korean sesame cookies for his class. For dinner I am making Bulgogi (a Korean barbeque beef dish) and we will have a cake to celebrate! Too bad Daniel can't be here with us but we will be thinking of him on his special day.

Friday, April 23, 2004 4:52 PM CDT

It's amazing to me how God provides! When we sent in our secondary applicaton, within 2 days, my mother told me that someone had given her money for us. It was exactly half of what we paid in application fees! Today I filled out the first of many forms for Daniel's citizenship. When I got the mail today, there was a check from an anonomous donor for the entire amount we needed for the processing fees!

God knew that I had a bad day yesterday and was questioning if this was really what we should be doing. He once again provided the confirmation that we needed to stay on the right path. What a blessing!

Thursday, April 15, 2004 7:21 PM CDT

We just got updated photos! Isn't he beautiful?

Saturday, April 10, 2004 1:04 PM CDT

We did it! Our packet was sent off last night by Fed Ex at 7:00pm. It should be arriving at the agency in Tulsa by 10:30 on Monday morning! Then the social workers will begin reviewing all of our stuff. We are praying that this will go smoothly and quickly.

Monday, April 5, 2004 6:54 PM CDT

We are short only one document and then we can send off our secondary application to Dillon. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself!! What a blessing that this is coming along so quickly! We prayed in our church home group last night that God would speed this process along quickly and HE IS! God is good!

Saturday, April 3, 2004 9:30 PM CST

Matt and I drove up to Dallas for an adoption information class put on by Dillon International. . .our adoption agency. We met some wonderful people both who have adopted and who are adopting. There was a little Korean boy there that is close to the same age as Daniel and I got to hold him. I wanted to get an idea of how big Daniel might be. It was a very informative class and just reinforced for us that this is going to be a wonderful experience. The people at Dillon International are great. Very knowledgable, helpful and caring.

Friday, April 2, 2004 10:18 AM CST

We are going to begin fundraising for adoption expenses. We will be having a raffle of several gift baskets: Mary Kay gift baskets, Pampered Chef and also a scrapbooking basket. Raffle Tickets will be $2. I will post more details when I figure out what will be in the baskets. Email me if you are interested in purchasing some.

Saturday, March 27, 2004 6:04 AM CST

It seems that Daniel already has a nickname. Lily has started calling him "Skippy" I can't say that I like it but I also can't convince her to call him anything else. She corrects anyone who calls him anything else. I finally had to tell her that Skippy could be her SPECIAL nickname for Daniel but the rest of us would call him by his name. I even tried to get her to call him Danny instead but she cried and said "no his name is Skippy!" I hope that she gets out of this phase quickly. The poor child will be confused if he comes here and has too many names to get used to.

Friday, March 26, 2004 8:51 AM CST

Something happened today in the car on the way back from dropping Noah off at school and it really touched me so I thought that I'd share. First, let me go back a little bit to right before Bryn and Tori died. . .

A couple of days before we withdrew support, we were trying to find a way to ease the other children into the subject of death and dying. I had been trying to prepare them. We were on the way to school and a song came on the radio. We always listen to the local Christian music station. The song is by Audio Adrenaline and it goes like this: Come and go with me, to my Father's house. . .it's a big big house with lots and lots of rooms, a big big table with lots and lots of food, a big big yard where we can play football, its a big big house, it's my father's house! That song became the boost for our kids through this whole thing. . .it was the tool we used to explain to them where their sisters would be going when they were no longer with us. Since that day, we hadn't heard it again.

Well, this morning as I turned on the radio in the car, the end of a song, I believe its called "Untitled Hymn" was on and the man was singing "Fly to Jesus, Fly to Jesus, Fly to Jesus and Live" Lily was singing along in the back of the car. Right after that, was the my father's house song. Lily piped up from the back of the car and said. Brynleigh and Victoria are singing!! She went on to say that they "Flied to Jesus and now they are singing with their father" Isn't that so sweet? Out of the mouths of babes. . .

Thursday, March 25, 2004 5:28 PM CST

For the person who signed my guestbook a "worried friend" You'll notice I deleted your post. . .I don't expect everyone to understand why we decided to adopt but those that are TRULY our friends, the ones that have been with us through thick and thin from the beginning and are in regular communication with us DO understand and support our adoption decision. We chose to pursue adoption, not because we are trying to replace our girls in any way but simply because we know in our hearts that we were never meant to be a family of only four. We want more children yet I have no desire to HAVE another baby. The risk of preterm labor is much to great for me.

We still grieve our twins in our own way but have been grieving for them since before their birth. . .not just since their death. Their death came sweetly to babies that fought so hard with every breath they took and every beat of their heart. Death was a well deserved relief for them and a sweet reward for their struggle. We do not see it as a negative but as a positive. . .for them. . .because their pain is over. While we understand that some will expect that our lives should be over with our daughters death, we know that God has only just begun HIS work in us. With every step we take on our life's journey, we strive to do what God and God alone wants for us. This is just another door that has been opened. Again, not every person will understand but as I said before, our FRIENDS do, because our FRIENDS know our hearts and know how we seek after God and His purpose.

Monday, March 22, 2004 5:37 PM CST

We received the secondary application today in the mail. . .HOLY COW IS THERE A LOT OF STUFF TO DO!!! It might take us a few weeks to put everything together for the packet but I will get started on it tonight.

We also got his videos from the agency. One was from when he was almost 2 months old and the other was from when he was 6 months old. He looks FABULOUS! Doesn't seem to be behind at all.

Thursday, March 18, 2004 8:08 AM CST

So begins the great paperchase! I spent all day yesterday on the phone with several offices. . .insurance, DEERS, the adoption agency, back to insurance, the ID card office. I was dizzy from going in circles. I will be chasing my tail again today to get documentation that our Daniel will be covered by insurance when he gets here.

Switching gears. . .Daniel's name means God is my judge. His Korean name, which we are keeping as his middle name (I shouldn't reveal yet for privacy purposes, probably. I don't know, I'll have to check with the agency) means To show mercy. . .Blessings. . .and Shelter from the storm. . .so put it all together and his name has great meaning

God is my judge to show mercy, blessings and shelter from the storm!

Isn't that awesome and so true!

Another gear switch: I looked again at the Korean waiting child list and was so blessed to see that there is a note next to his picture that says On hold. . .family pending! What a good feeling to know that is US! Here's a link to that list: http://dillonadopt.com/Korea%20Waiting%20Children.htm You can cut and paste it into the window to find it.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004 12:38 AM CST

WE'RE IN! We've been approved by Dillon International to proceed to the next step! This is so amazing! God is good! I am still trying not to get my hopes up because it is possible that we may not pass the homestudy or something and get rejected but our Daniel is one step closer to becoming REALLY ours! Our social worker said that he could be here as soon as 6 months from now! HOORAY! Please pray for a smooth and speedy process!

Monday, March 15, 2004 8:23 AM CST

I am on my way to fax our information to Alice at the adoption agency. My heart has embraced this little boy we call Daniel in South Korea. Please pray with us that if it is God's will for him to join our family that He will make a way for us. If it is not in God's plan, please say a prayer for Daniel's "parents to be" that they will be able to raise him with all the love that a family can muster. Most importantly please pray for Daniel, that God would bless him, give him health, healing and peace, nomatter what the outcome. While my heart's desire is to make him a part of our family, as always, I pray that God's will be done because only He sees the big picture.

There are several things that have to be approved before we can pursue his adoption and one of them is the fact that we lost the girls such a short time ago. The social workers at the agency will meet tomorrow and review our case. Please pray that God will give them wisdom to make the right decision for everyone.

Friday, March 12, 2004 8:40 PM CST

I spoke with the pediatric neurologist today. The little boy that we are trying to adopt (We are going to call him Daniel) was diagnosed with some neurological abnormalities, however his growth and development are inconsistent with his diagnosis. I asked many questions and learned that based on the information that is available to us about him, it appears as though we may have a very normal little boy. Even if his diagnosis is correct, the fact that his development is on target and his growth is so good tells us that his case is very mild.

I want to reassure everyone who has been so concerned with our decision to adopt a special needs child after what we went through with the girls that it is with CAREFUL consideration for our family, especially Noah and Lily that we press forward with this but first and foremost we must follow GOD'S call on our lives. We trust Him to open the right doors for us, or close them if need be. We have no way of knowing what tomorrow holds for us but we pray that God will show us the way. We are only doing our best to follow him.

Thursday, March 11, 2004 1:27 PM CST

Our family is looking into international adoption. We are just in the preliminary stages but your prayers would be appreciated. At this point, we don't even know if it is something that we will be able to do since we don't know where we will be next year. Please pray for peace as we wait on God's timing.

Monday, March 1, 2004 5:52 PM CST

I plan on starting my book soon. If you could please send me via email a note about if or how the girls changed your life, I will choose some to include in our story. Please send them to peanutmommy@sbcglobal.net. That is a better address for me.

Sunday, February 22, 2004 6:45 AM CST

The pictures are finally updated for those of you who have been waiting. Thanks to Echo from milspouse.com for the help! I hope you all enjoy them as much as we have. God bless!

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 6:27 AM CST

I tried to put some newer pictures of the babies on this page but the ones that I have are way too large. I need to resize them first. As soon as I figure out how to do that, they will be here.

Sunday, February 8, 2004 5:18 PM CST

We just returned from the memorial service. It was exactly what I hoped it would be, an incredible tribute to their lives. It's amazing to me how much they were able to accomplish without even leaving their hospital beds. Many doctors and nurses came and many spoke amazing words of love to our family. The babies had a great impact on so many people and the best part is that there is so much more in our future. I will continue to update now and then as we find out more about the girls autopsy. I will also fill you in with updates on where we will be going next. God bless you all.

Thursday, February 5, 2004 2:00 PM CST

We are finishing the final arrangements for the girls memorial, things are falling into place. The urn for the girls arrived last night and it is very pretty.
We did a slide presentation of many of the pictures from their birth to the last few taken.It turned out pretty well. We took it to the church yesterday and set it to music.
Tomorrow two of my aunts and my cousin will be here from Montana. We are looking forward to seeing them all.
Thank you all again
God Bless

Monday, February 2, 2004 5:35 PM CST

To all my dear friends, family and those who have been following our story all over the world. I want to let you know that we are all well! We know that we made the right decision regarding our girls and most importantly we know where they are! Jesus is holding two separate, whole babies right now. They have no scars, no pain, no tubes or wires. I want to thank you all for your kind, supportive words. It has been a difficult 7 months but it helps to know that so many people all over the world are on your side. I thank you for your prayers because without them we wouldn't have been able to handle this. It is agonizing but we know that God is bigger! Though the storm rages around us, still we stand! God is with us every step of the way. I can't stress to you enough how much we have seen God's hand in this and how many prayers He's answered. We don't fully understand why we were chosen to be the parents of these special girls but we know that their lives have touched many and GOD ISN'T DONE YET!!!! Again thank you all from the bottom of my heart. God bless you all!

Saturday, January 31, 2004 6:56 PM CST

We have been so blessed by the many entries in this journal,as Dawn has said before she has felt you all with her .We are forever grateful for all of your prayers, words of encouragement and love.
Although we all mourn the loss of these special babies, we still cried when we saw the foot prints that had been made for Dawn and our hearts are sad for the hope that has been lost.Dawn and Matt and the rest of the family know the decision was the right one.We are at peace with it.
There are so many people to thank both people that we know as well as all of you that we have never met.Your words and prayers have brought us through many times.
We truely are the fortunate ones to have been loaned these remarkable babies.
Thank you to Wilford Hall all the doctors and nurses who dedicated 6 months of their lives to Brynleigh and Victoria.They who stood beside us and fought so hard for the girls.They who gave such outstanding care and emotional support.Thank you to Fisher House for providing a home away from home when Dawn and Matt so desperately needed it.You are a light in the darkness.Thank you to the San Antonio community for your support, Many thanks to the San Antonio Express News and especially Nichole Foy for her, friendship, loving spirit and excellent journalism. Thankyou to the military for working so closely with Matt and for allowing him this time with his girls.There are many more to thank and I can not begin to name you all, but God knows who you are and you will be blessed.
As I watched Dawn carefully and lovingly fold the few little dresses mate their little booties and gently tuck them away in her hope chest, I was reminded again how lucky we truely have been.I feel in some ways this is not the end but a new beginning for all of us.
Debbie

Friday, January 30, 2004 7:10 AM CST

Our little peanut angels slipped quietly into heaven last night. A mother's prayer was answered that it be quick and peaceful.
We were blessed to have many of the special doctors and nurses that had cared for them with us.We thank God for all of them and we thank him for giving us the last 6 months with our girls.
There will be a memorial service on the 8th of Febuary. We will post more information later.
Thank you all

Thursday, January 29, 2004 7:12 PM CST

The balloons will be released at 10:00 TX time, not 9:00.

Thursday, January 29, 2004 2:47 PM CST

Again I will write for Dawn and Matt,
Its so difficult to put into words our emotion on this day.
We went to the hospital this morning where we waited for a wonderful friend that brought all of her photograpy equipment. They brought it all into the NICU, where Brynleigh and Victoria waited in their beautiful dresses made specially for them, by some kind and loving women.Threads of love. The girls had been having a hard time throughout the night so it took them awhile to get them ready for the pictures.
They set it all up and Dawn ,Matt, Noah, LIly and Bryn and Tori all had a family picture. It will be beautiful!!!
The most heart breaking part of the morning is when we tried to explain to Noah that the girls were going to heaven. Needless to say he didn't understand he said he would miss them,both he and Lily kissed them and we sat them on their bed for pictures.
The doctors and nurses of Wilford Hall are struggling with this also. We are so fortunate to have been blessed with the caring loving staff of this amazing place.We thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.
The girls heart, lungs will be sent to Childrens Hospital in Philadelphia. It is Dawn and Matts hope that all of this knowlege should not be lost.They would have donated their corneas if it would have been possible, but due to the chronic infections that the girls have endured this will not be possile. But we hope that what they learn from studing their heart will help some other baby some day.
The girls will go to heaven tonight, they will with draw support this evening. Myself, Dawns dad and two sisters and Matts parents will be there. We will let Noah hold them and then Dawn amd Matt will be alone with them.
If I could ask for just one more prayer,Pray that they will not linger, that God takes them quickly.
Tommorrow morning at 9:00 we will release balloons for two special and loved baby girls.
Brynleigh and Victoria we love you so much!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2004 10:09 PM CST

Dawn has ask me to add to her journal tonight.
This has been a very emotionl day and she is simply exhausted
We have cried an ocean of tears.As her mom it is so difficlt to see her in this pain.I know in my heart that she did everything that she could possibly do to give these babies a chance and she did the right thing. Matt and her have been where no one should have to be and they have done it with such love.
I hardly know where to begin.
After many discussions with the doctors, it was decided to with draw support within the next couple of days. Dawn and Matt are trying to do all the right and necessary things.I believe that they will want a memorial at some point but right now we have to get through this. I feel as though my heart is weighted with lead, I never realized just how hard this would be.
She did tell Noah tonight that he would finally get to hold his sisters, something that he has been begging to do for months. Its very difficult for a five year old to understand why he just can't pick them up.At last he will have his turn.
Dawn wants the day to be special. She wanted to decorate the hospital room with stars and pink and white ballons but the hospital doesn't allow the ballons so we are going to release some pink and white ballons to heaven on that day
When we got home from the hospital we read all of the postings. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
You will never know how much it has meant to us. God Bless
Debbie

Monday, January 26, 2004 5:11 PM CST

Brynleigh has developed hydrocephalis. Her head is very swollen. They also have another unexplained fever today. I spoke with the doctors again today and they all agree that it is time to withdraw support. We are setting up a meeting tomorrow to discuss the details. It has been a rough six months of life for them and I think they are ready to go home. I am hoping to be able to make the arrangements to do it this week. I want everything to be just right.

Saturday, January 24, 2004 8:24 AM CST

Thank you for your prayers. When I went in to the hospital on Wednesday,the girls' ventilator settings looked better and the doctor told me that there was no EARTHLY reason why they should be looking better. The liver enzymes that they measure to monitor liver failure came down from an off the charts unmeasurable number to just over 1000 also. What does that mean? Well, normally they would run anywhere from 20-50. The doctor told me that they start to worry if the level goes up past 100. There you go. Their's was at 1000. If it continues to come down (they are checking it daily) then we can assume that they had some sort of liver infection or virus. If it trends back up or stays the same for any long period of time then it is safe to assume that their liver is failing and we will have to withdraw support.

That was the update for Thursday that never got posted oops!

Here's today's update.

The liver enzymes continue to go down, rapidly I guess from what the doctors say. Nobody knows what caused the scary sick liver tissue so nobody knows what to do to prevent it from happening again. It seems that the girls by a miracle from God sustained minimal liver damage. Nobody can explain this miracle away either. There have been so many to celebrate in these past 6 months. One doctor told me that they shouldn't still be here after how sick they were on Tuesday. He didn't expect them to make it through that night. A short time after I posted in this site however, Tori started peeing. She hadn't had a wet diaper in 3 days!! (They were sure that her kidneys had stopped functioning) and the liver enzymes dropped into the thousands. Now, yesterday they were down to the 300 range. I haven't heard today where they are. I have faith that they are within normal range. God is good and your prayers do accomplish things!

Wednesday, January 21, 2004 6:27 PM CST

It seems that the girls because of a septic infection somewhere in their bodies are having some liver and kidney failure. Truthfully, I can't help but think that they are just saying "Mommy, I'm tired!" If I could tell them one thing and have them understand, I would tell them that its ok to be tired. I understand. I don't know what all this means. We'll find out more tomorrow. Hopefully the blood work will have evened out again. Keep praying. . . mostly for peace for my girls who are so sick. Pray for comfort when I can't be with them and freedom from all pain and suffering involved.

Monday, January 19, 2004 2:56 PM CST

I wanted to let you know that I had enough people express interest in my MK business that I thought that it would be worthwhile to re establish my MK website. So now, you may want to look it up! You can access a full catalogue online. www.marykay.com/gr8day4skincare Thanks to everyone who asked for catalogues!

The girls are still sick today with a high fever. The doctors think that it's viral but they started them back on antibiotics anyway "just in case" Hopefully they will be better by Friday so we can go ahead with Bryn's trach surgery.

Sunday, January 18, 2004 6:19 PM CST

While the awful rash that has been tormenting the girls is finally getting better, they are now running fevers. All of the usual tests have been done but so far nothing is growing. They are planning on going ahead with the surgery next week as long as they are stable and not running fevers or having a rash on the day of the operation.

Tori's bottle feeding is getting better and better. She was able to drink 6cc's in about 15 minutes today before getting tired out. Her suction is getting much stronger and she is learning to swollow and breath without gagging. In fact she only gagged twice this time. We will continue to try to feed her once a day when she is awake and alert and calm. That is when we have the most success.

Saturday, January 17, 2004 8:02 AM CST

Well, for those of you who were wondering, Bryn did NOT have her trach yesterday. The rash is still too bad and ironically CONSIDERABLY more on Bryn's side than Tori's. Go figure. They put them on the schedule for next Friday.

Thursday, January 15, 2004 4:16 PM CST

The docs called last night at about 9:00pm to tell me that they were going to start the girls on an oral sterroid that would either really help the rash (if it is indeed excema) or really make it worse (if it is the result of some undetected infection). So I hardly slept last night worrying about it. To add insult to injury, the babies are still on the surgery schedule for tomorrow to get Brynleigh's trach. They want us to "be ready" in the morning at the usual 5:45 time even though the surgery will still in all likelyhood be cancelled because the rash isn't making enough progress. It is still pretty much unchanged, even with the new medications. I don't want to show up that early at the hospital again that early only to have them tell us they can't do the surgery. (we already did it once a couple of weeks ago.) I'm exhausted from lack of sleep already. ANYWAY. . . enough of my complaining. . .I am MOM!!! I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING. . .My new motto is BRING IT ON! Enough of my whining.

I am also posting to let all my readers know that I am trying to get my Mary Kay business off the ground so that I don't have to get a part time job to help make van payments (on the new handicapped accessible van we bought to take the girls to appointments, etc.) until the girls are out of the hospital and receiving SSI benefits. I do most of my business by mail anyway since I don't know many people in San Antonio. If anyone is interested in a catalogue, samples etc. let me know. I would love to NOT have to add a part time job to my already hectic overloaded life so any business is appreciated. You can contact me at peanutmommie@msn.com

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 4:01 PM CST

Picture number 2 is new! This is my second entry today so for those of you who are checking for the first time today, look at the journal history to read the other one!

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 6:05 AM CST

After a very difficult few days of high oxygen requirements, and low blood oxygen levels, the girls are doing a little better today. Dr. Milhoan, the cardiologist was in to evaluate for heart failure on Monday and said that their heart still looks unchanged which is a good thing. He did however, say that they were much too chubby for their own good so the doctors cut back their food by quite a bit. I feel sorry for them because they must be hungry but I know that it will be better for heart and lung function if they have less fluid also. They are tentatively scheduled for the 13th of Feb to go to the cath lab to have their heart studied and evaluated for surgery.

The doctors also started them on more breathing treatments yesterday in the afternoon. They are now getting breathing treatments 5 times a day to help loosen the secretions in their lungs. Something has helped them because overnight, they were able to turn Tori's oxygen down to the 50% range. It was at 90%.

The rash got better when they started on some antibiotics but now seems worse again. Bryn's trach surgery, which had been tentatively scheduled for tomorrow has now been postponed again to next week. Now they think the rash might be similar to excema. It could be an allergic reaction to something internal or environmental. If it responds to the sterroid creams that they are trying then they will try to figure out what is causing the allergic reaction, if not, then they will do a skin biopsy to figure out exactly what the rash is.

Meanwhile, we are getting closer to being ready for them at home. The housing office is working on getting a generator for them so we will have back up power. We might have to pay for some of the work involved or the parts ourselves so we are praying for funds to come in for that. We need a very large generator to support 3 dedicated circuits, an automatic switch and the labor to put it in. Also, a slab of concrete needs to be poured as well. We got our conversion van and now we are trusting God to help us with the enormous payments and insurance coverage. The discharge planning people have got the ball rolling on their "transportation system" wheelchair/carseat/stroller combination thing. We also found out that we got the ventilators that we wanted. Pulomonetic LTV 900 series. Now all we need is a trach surgery!! Keep praying for that rash. Much love to all of you who are praying. . .we couldn't do this without your support.

Thursday, January 8, 2004 5:21 AM CST

The girls still have the rash and now their oxygen requirements have been a little higher. I am wondering if they are coming down with something again. Please pray that they will snap out of whatever is ailing them. We still need to get Bryn's trach surgery taken care of. They are already on 3 different kinds of antibiotics and antifungals as well for the rash so it should be kicking any bacterial infections that may be lingering in their little bodies. Let's pray that they aren't getting a virus.

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 6:30 AM CST

The rash was enough to keep the surgery from happening yesterday morning. They didn't even change out Tori's trach tube. They said we may try again on Thursday or Friday if the rash is gone from Bryn's neck. If not. . .next week. I am not discouraged though. God answers prayers. Just maybe not like we expect. Maybe Bryn's little body wasn't ready for a trach yet. God knows what He's doing.

Here's the best news ever: I got to bottle feed Tori for the first time yesterday. She actually sucked on the nipple a couple of times, choked, gagged, sputtered and then SWALLOWED!! She drank 5cc's before she tired out but that is a miracle all by itself. The doctors told me that it would be very difficult to feed them when we took the tubes out of their mouths because they would have such an oral aversion. They really don't have one at all. They just need to learn to suck and gain strength. I will get to feed her once a day to start out with. . . I'll be doing it again at 10:00 this morning.

Saturday, January 3, 2004 8:34 AM CST

The antibiotics kicked the fever and it seems whatever infection that the girls had. The doctors never identified it for sure. They developed another fungal rash as a result of the antibiotics but they are being treated for that as well. Bryn's trach surgery is still scheduled for Monday the 5th. After that, it is just a matter of healing time before we bring them home. Praise God! It's been a long 5 1/2 months of daily trips to the hospital, sleepless nights, and endless prayers. They're almost home!

Wednesday, December 31, 2003 7:33 AM CST

When I arrived at the hospital yesterday morning, I arrived to find SICK BABIES!! They had fevers of over 102 when I got there so the doctors ordered the usual full battery of tests. I was there just in time to help. I found the IV site in Tori's head, held her arm for the first blood draw attempt and held Bryn's arm for the second. I held legs while they put in the catheters for the urine tests and got to be in charge of basic needs like scheduled medicines and feeds while the nurse and doctor kept track of all the extras. I sat out on the spinal tap though. I didn't feel up to that one. So far they've found that Tori has a bladder infection. We will know more from the blood cultures, etc. in a couple of days. They are on 3 different kinds of antibiotics so they are on their way back to health as you are reading this.

Friday, December 26, 2003 11:06 PM CST

Tori continues to do well with the new trach. Her vent settings are steadily coming back down and they are beginning to wean the girls off of some of the non narcotic sedatives they have been getting. Bryn's surgery is tentatively scheduled for January 5th. We are so excited! This brings us one step closer to getting them home.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003 4:51 PM CST

Our family stands in reverent awe this holiday season as we reflect on the goodness of His miracles. We, more than ever before, are aware of and thankful for God's blessings. We have so much to be grateful for this year. Tori continues to recover very well from yesterday's trach surgery. It went better than anyone could have anticipated. (Yet another miracle to behold) We appreciate all of your prayers and wish you all the happiest of Christmases. Please know that we couldn't make it through this without all of you praying for us. God bless you all!

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 3:38 PM CST

Today's trach surgery went well. The girls are comfortable and happy and already eating again but the best part is we can see Tori's beautiful face now. I will post a picture as soon as I can.

Sunday, December 21, 2003 4:52 PM CST

Sorry it's been so long since I posted! First let me say that the girls are doing great. They are up to 16lbs now and still growing well. Tori's trach surgery is scheduled for early Tuesday morning. As long as every thing goes smoothly, Bryn's will be the following week. We've been so busy around our house. We are in the process of moving in to a 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom house at Kelly field which is about 15 minutes from the hospital. The housing office will be making the necessary modifications to the lower level bedroom for the twins. We won't have them home for Christmas like we hoped but we will be getting them home by February if all goes well. Both of the other kids have been sick. We took Noah in to the doctor and he has a sinus infection. They gave him a shot of antibiotics. Now Lily and Matt and my sister Chelse have come down with something too. I am hoping for wellness by Christmas! Thank you for your prayers.

Saturday, December 13, 2003 8:30 AM CST

The girls are feeling a little bit better since they have been getting regular breathing treatments for their pneumonia. They are on antibiotics but thier oxygen requirements are still a little bit higher than they were before they got sick. They still have a lot of thick secretions in their lungs. We are still planning on going ahead with the first trach surgery on Victoria this week. Please pray that it will go smoothly.

Thursday, December 11, 2003 5:02 PM CST

Mallory Lewis came to visit the girls a couple of days ago with LAMB CHOP!! It was an exciting day! See the photo album for a pic.

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 3:08 PM CST

The girls are being treated for "presumed pneumonia". Here we go on another rollercoaster ride. The rash is gone but they won't do the surgeries now until the pneumonia is gone so we are looking at another week at least. In the meantime, they are still tolerating their feeds and they are resting comfortably while they are waiting for the surgeries that will allow them to go home. Praise the Lord! No chyle around their lungs. We are so blessed.

Saturday, December 6, 2003 7:48 AM CST

I woke up this morning with so much joy in my heart, thinking of how far the girls have come. The have doubled their birth weight. They smile. Their individual personalities are really starting to come out. I enjoy going to the hospital everyday because I can pretty much take care of them all by myself, now. Their rash is looking better and as soon as its gone we are going ahead with trachs as planned. I spoke with one of the surgeons and he insists that the trachs are still possible and that it's GOOD the girls have gained so much weight, even though their necks are almost touching. It will help speed healing and the extra padding will help with the pressure sores they keep getting.

Wednesday, December 3, 2003 8:39 PM CST

The girls are still showing no signs of any fluid build up around their lungs. Now we are working on getting rid of the fungal rash that has gotten out of control on one side of their bodies. As soon as that is gone, we should be able to proceed with the trach surgeries. The surgeries will be a difficult endeavor for everyone. The surgeons have never tackled something like this. I just pray that when the ENT Dr. comes up to measure them for the trachs, that he finds it is still possible. They have gotten kind of chubby and the space between their necks seems to be getting smaller.

Monday, December 1, 2003 6:54 AM CST

Our girls are looking better and better all the time! Praise God! The swelling that had been so bad from the last septic infection they had is now completely gone. Another ultra sound will be done today to check for the chyle around their lungs. If all is well, they will be bumped up again to 100% whole breast milk! We are believing that the ultrasound today will show no fluid. We appreciate your prayers! It looks like we've made it over this hump. Now we just need them to breathe on their own so they won't have to have the tracheostomies!

Saturday, November 29, 2003 6:20 PM CST

More good news! An echocardiogram was done on the girls yesterday and there was no sign of the chylothorax! No pockets of fluid at all. They bumped them up to 75% whole milk and 25% skim. Keep praying that they'll still tolerate it!

Wednesday, November 26, 2003 9:49 PM CST

Good news today! One of the doctors told me today that there is a surgery that can be done on the girls (previously they thought that they couldn't do it because of their anatomy) to try to repair the chylothorax if it comes back. Also, he said that if everything goes well, they want to send them home in a month. They will have several surgeries in the upcoming weeks and there can't be anymore infections or complications. If everything goes perfectly, they should be sending them home for Christmas. Wouldn't that be wonderful? I guess, specifically we need prayer that the fluid will not come back and for no more infections. They need to have two separate trach surgeries, one week apart, possibly a g tube put in on both sides (that hasn't been decided for sure yet) and if the chyle comes back, they'll need the surgery on their chests as well.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003 5:30 PM CST

Tonight, at 6:00pm, they will be starting the girls on milk with fat in it. 25% of their feeding will be whole milk and 75% will be skim. They will do that for 2 days and then increase it to 50% for 2 days, then 75% for 2 days and then whole breast milk after that. I am so nervous about this. Please pray that they will be able to tolerate the fat and that they chyle doesn't reaccumulate around their lungs.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003 6:53 AM CST

Happy Birthday to Bryn and Tori! They are 4 months old today! Can you believe it? They are recovering nicely from the sepsis that they had but now are covered in a fungal rash from the antibiotics. It's terrible. Bryn also has a little bit of a runny nose and HORRIBLE diarreah so that is making her get diaper rash as well. We are all so tired of complication after complication. It just seems like our poor babies can't catch a break. Now, the docs are talking about introducing fat into their diet on Wednesday (tomorrow) I'm so nervous! Please pray that they will be able to tolerate it this time. After 2 months without any fat at all, this is a BIG deal. This will decided whether or not we do the trachs and probably whether or not they ever leave the hospital. It is so important that they be able to eat somewhat normally. If going two months without fat didn't fix the chylothorax problem, nothing will. Please also pray for peace of mind for all of us as the time grows closer. I can't stop worrying about it and I know that Matt thinks about it constantly as well.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003 10:39 AM CST

I'm stil not over the virus that is keeping me from seeing the girls. I haven't been there in a week. Dr. Hall called last night in the middle of the night to say that he had surgery on his way over to put in a new broviac as a central line for IV access. Surgery called shortly after to get consent for the proceedure. The catheter was put in at about 2am this morning. The girls are resting comfortably now but they had a rough night. The doctors have cut back their food to 20cc's every three hours. They think they may have tried to increase their volume too quickly this time because both girls have been throwing up. They will advance them more slowly now.

Sunday, November 16, 2003 2:25 PM CST

I haven't been in to see the girls in 3 days because I have a very bad bug that I don't want to pass on to them. I feel awful. I have spoken to the doctor by phone however for regular updates and Matt has been back and forth to the hospital as well. Things are the same, for the most part. They are still on antibiotics for at least 2 more weeks but they have dropped it down to only 2 different kinds. It has been 3 days since they had a positive blood culture so the antibiotics are kicking the infection. They started feeding them again at 1/3 the volume that they were on. They will increase them quickly though as long as they are tolerating the feeds. They should be back up at full volume in a few days. There is some talk of putting in a PICC line so that they can have IV access without poking them everyday. They need to have a reliable IV for antibiotics. Please continue to pray for our sweet babies. Thanks.

Thursday, November 13, 2003 4:06 PM CST

Well, the girls are doing a little better after 5 transfusions, antibiotics and having their central line removed. Yesterday on ultrasound they discovered air leaking from their intestines into their blood stream and today, thanks to the power of prayer, the leak is gone. Thanks for your prayers. Please pray that the infection will dissappear quickly, that they can continue on with their feeds with no problems and we will run into no more road blocks. We want them home!

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 6:35 AM CST

The girls are EXTREMELY sick. They have some sort of blood infection. The doctors are not sure yet what it is but it's bad! Their platelet count got so low that they gave them a blood transfusion and 2 platelet transfusions last night and they are spinning more platelets now for them. They are on 5 different kinds of broad spectrum medications. Some are antibiotics and some are antifungals and they pulled out the broviac catheter that they put in surgically a few weeks ago. They have stopped feeding them for the time being, until they can get their blood cultures to come back negative. These are complications from being in the hospital long term. Please pray for healing in their bodies right now. Thanks.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003 11:03 PM CST

Several CBC's today revealed that the babies have a very low platelet count. This means that there is an infection of some kind, possibly a blood infection. They started them on antibiotics and antifungal medicine as well. Please pray that we can get control over this quickly so that it doesn't make them very sick.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003 2:58 AM CST

Victoria has had a hard time keeping her blood oxygen levels up all day. Nobody really knows what is going on. Please pray that this will resolve itself, that they will find no fluid build up around their lungs when they do the echocardiogram tomorrow. Pray that there will be no infections of any kind and that they will have no more setbacks.

Saturday, November 8, 2003 1:49 PM CST

The girls are doing GREAT with their feeds. They will be at full feeds in about a week if they keep tolerating them as well as they have been. They took them off of the TPN (IV "food") but they are leaving them on the inter lipids because their milk is fat free. I talked to the ENT doctor and he was very excited because he found a trach that will work for them. We just have to decide now if we want to do it. I don't want to push with feeding them fat but I don't want to do the trach unless we know that they can tolerate fat in their diet. We have to talk with the neonatologists again and see what they recommend.

Sunday, November 2, 2003 12:06 AM CST

The babies have had a rough few days but they think that the fevers may be due to the methadone that they had been giving them. They took them off the methadone to see if it helps. Now they are having withdrawals. They put them back on the morphine every 2 hours. They have been pretty much fever free since they stopped giving them the methadone. They will probably need to have another surgery since the broviac catheter that they put in Victoria's leg has now stopped working. Matt is at the hospital now waiting to talk to the surgeons.

Friday, October 31, 2003 3:07 PM CST

Both babies spiked a fever again today and were very agitated. The doctors have put feeding them on hold again until they can figure out the source of the fever. They did a blood culture and CBC, a urine culture and they are planning on doing a spinal tap this afternoon. Please pray that the fever will go away on its own, that feeding will resume and they will be back on the way to weaning off the ventilators.

Thursday, October 30, 2003 7:44 PM CST

They finally started to feed the girls today. They started them each at 4cc's of skim breast milk every 3 hours. The doctors will probably leave them there through the weekend before increasing their volume. I got to hold them again today and I think I may have seen Tori smile at me. . .maybe. Bryn slept the whole time. I sang to them, told them about the dog and looked into Tori's beautiful angel eyes for a whole hour. It was WONDERFUL.

Monday, October 27, 2003 6:20 PM CST

The girls have been struggling with a temperature for the past few days.Their ventilator settings have remained relatively low and they seem to be tolerating the doctors push to wean them from the vents. The doctors have done ultra sounds on their kidneys, intestines, liver and an echocardiogram on their heart. The cultures are still not growing out any bacteria and the tests show no infection so far. We are puzzled by the continued fevers. They have not yet began to feed them and they may put it off for a day or two longer.The doctors are also trying to wean them from the morphine and I feel that this may be the cause of their current problems.
We had them dedicated while my mom, sister and aunt were here.We had a beautiful ceremony conducted by the chaplain from hospital. Several of the doctors and nurses that care for them attended. Please, please continue to pray for them.

Friday, October 24, 2003 7:52 AM CDT

When we went to see the babies last night, the nurse told us that they had been running a low grade fever all day. This is a worry. We are supposed to start feeding them today. If they have an infection, the doctors will stop the sterroids and the feeds could very likely go on hold as well. They did very well in spite of their last infection and we are praying that they will continue to do well. The line that they just put in on Monday could be a source of the infection. Please pray that the blood cultures come back negative and that the fever will go away because they need that central line for lipids, medication and blood draws. If it is infected, they will pull it.

Monday, October 20, 2003 9:19 PM CDT

The twins have had a great couple of weeks. They had another surgery today to put in a central line. This will make it easier to get blood and to get their IV fluids in. They are over their infection so the doctors started them back up on their sterroids, this time at a little higher dose. They had such good results with it last time, we are all hoping for even better results this time around. This week is a big week for us. We will start feeding them again by the end of the week and we are hoping for enough ventilator progress to put them on cpap also. Please say an extra prayer for us this week.

Thursday, October 16, 2003 3:38 PM CDT

The girls' blood is still coming back positive for infection but their fevers have come down. Even with all of the sickness lately, their ventilators were turned down more today. My mom was able to hold them today for about 30 minutes. Tori was awake the whole time.

Monday, October 13, 2003 7:24 AM CDT

Tori and Bryn had the best weekend ever! Their ventilator settings are lower than they've ever been and their blood gasses are still good! However. . .one of the residents called me this morning to tell me that over night they started running low grade fevers. If they have another infection, it could set us WAY back again. Please pray that the fevers will go away immediately and that their ventilator settings will continue to go down.

Saturday, October 11, 2003 8:52 AM CDT

Our girls are still fighting! After Monday's conversation with the neonatology team, we were expecting them to stop making progress on their ventilator settings but with this new round of sterroids, they have made SO MUCH progress, the doctors are talking about taking one of them off of the ventilator and putting them on CPAP instead. (nasal prongs delivering constant pressure into the lungs to keep them from collapsing but not giving breaths.) They would only try one at first to leave the other to still support the two of them if they did go into distress. They have had a fabulous week this week. Please pray that they will not have any setbacks and that the ventilator tubes will finally come out this next week. We are needing another miracle!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2003 10:34 PM CDT

Our sweet babies had a pretty good day today. I forgot to post that we are HOLDING them now. We started doing that on Friday of last week. It has been wonderful. They really do well with it and it isn't as hard to do as the doctors thought it would be. We try to hold them for an hour each day. Their settings are down a little bit and they are tolerating it well. Dr. Bush, one of the cardiologists told us today that he couldn't figure out why Tori hadn't gone into heart failure yet. He said it really surprises him and he couldn't understand it. FINALLY some good news out of his mouth. He's never had anything good to say. The pulmonologist came up to see them and he assisted with an ultra sound on their diaphragm. He said he wanted to do some more tests before making any recommendations.

Tuesday, October 7, 2003 2:09 PM CDT

Just more hanging out. The girls are coming down a little on their settings. They are being more aggressive on their ventilator weaning since the ENT Dr. just told us that there is no hope of giving them trachs to send them home on vents. We are looking at 6 months to a year of hospitalization because the doctors don't think they'll wean off the vents before then. We are also still working on the feeding issue. We have decided to finish the 4 weeks of no food (TPN only) and then give them 4 weeks of spun breast milk only with the hope of the chylothorax healing itself. At that point, if they can eat, they can grow, if they can grow, they may be able to do the trachiostomies on them when they are bigger. Keep praying for their health. Please pray that they don't get anymore sicknesses to set them back, that their heart will continue to be strong and for peace for us while we face these difficult decisions.

Sunday, October 5, 2003 1:58 PM CDT

Another article in the newspaper today. http://news.mysanantonio.com/story.cfm?xla=saen&xlc=1065163

There's the link.

Saturday, October 4, 2003 9:42 PM CDT

So far so good. . .the RSV tests have come back negative. One more negative test result tomorrow and they will be out of contact isolation. Thank you all for your continued prayers for our girls.

Saturday, October 4, 2003 8:01 AM CDT

The girls have a fever again. The docs did their usual battery of tests and there is a chance they could have the RSV virus.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 5:46 AM CDT

More of the same. . .Bryn and Tori started another round of sterroids on Sunday. They are accumulating more chyleous fluid around their lungs so they are going to keep them off of food for 4 weeks. The doctors will probably tap the fluid today to relieve some of the pressure on the lungs. We are planning a meeting with all of the doctors involved with our girls to talk about what options we have left that we haven't tried.

Thursday, September 25, 2003 5:11 PM CDT

Dr. Milhoan, the cardiologist is back from his mission trip to Mongolia. He talked with us today about his recommendations for the girls. He told us that the trachiostomies should be put off until the chylothorax problem is resolved. It would be too difficult to tackle both problems at once and in his opinion may not be the best thing to do. I agree with him. The trach surgeries will be difficult and after care may be even worse having two so close together. We will try a second round of sterroids instead along with the breast milk if we can get a centrifuge relatively soon.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003 5:23 PM CDT

The babies are doing well. They finished their antibiotics today and seem to be making great progress on the ventilators. They continue to grow a little day by day, in spite of the little setbacks. Now Bryn has a clogged duct in her eye so it is all puffy and goopy. She also has bad diaper rash again because of the antibiotics.

Tori's bedsore on her elbow is much better. They are putting Silvadine cream on it and keeping it covered but it is going to leave a nasty scar.

We are still working on getting a centrifuge to spin the breast milk so that we can skim it for them. I talked to General Green about it today and he said it shouldn't be a problem. We will get it, I will be sure of that. . .it's just a matter of time.

Sunday, September 21, 2003 7:19 PM CDT

The girls still aren't feeling very well but they are stable and in much better shape this time around than the last time they were sick. Their ventilator settings are only a little higher than they were. There is still a possibility that they may do a trachiostomy on Bryn next week and then Tori the week after but it depends on how the infection is at that point. They won't do the surgery if the blood cultures continue to come back infected.

Here is a little bit of good news! They are growing! The last weight that they got on them was just over 12lbs! They are also holding their body temperatures by themselves so they no longer need a warmer, only a blanket if they start to feel cold. It makes more room at the bedside and I can get around to kiss both of their little heads instead of just whichever is on the right while I'm there.

Thursday, September 18, 2003 2:12 PM CDT

We are on one of the down turns on the roller coaster of the NICU. Yesterday, an ultrasound revealed more fluid around the girl's lungs. The doctor tapped it and discovered it was chyle again. So now, we are trying to figure out how to most effectively get the fat out of my breast milk so that we don't have to stop feeding them again. If anyone has any ideas, let me know. So far, we have tried leaving it in the fridge overnight and allowing it to separate but it didn't separate completely. We tried spinning it in a salad spinner and I only got a cramp in my arm. We are going to try the washing machine spin cycle today. The ironic thing is that the hospital tested the fat content of my milk and discovered that it is at 5% which is higher than the fat content of most human milk. Human milk is generally 3.5% fat.

Victoria is also having problems because she has a lot of gunk in her lungs. They are testing them for RSV, pneumonia, and influenza. Brynleigh had a runny nose this morning as well. They are just trying to determine what kind of infection it is.

They are also tentatively planning to do tracheostomies on both girls next week. They say that having the tubes down their throats for so long can cause damage to the vocal cords and the trach will allow for easier access. All this going on and they want Matt to start back to work next week also. I guess it's true what they say. . . when it rains, it pours.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003 7:25 AM CDT

The doctors are trying different tactics to get the girls off the ventilators and onto CPAP which will give steady pressure to their lungs. This would be only enough to keep the lungs from collapsing but lets them choose when to breathe entirely on their own. Their settings are down on their ventilators but they haven't been successful with taking them off yet. One thing that the doctor mentioned yesterday is a tracheostomy, possibly for both of them. Please pray that we don't have to do that.

I noticed the other day while giving them a bath that one of Victoria's arms won't extend all the way. I am working on getting a physical therapist up to see them. Hopefully that will be today. I would like to have him/her look at the position of their necks as well.

They still have them on continuous feeds. This allows them to deliver more milk to them, giving them more calories. They are also fortifying the milk they give them with human milk fortifier. This increases the caloric content of the milk and fortifies it with extra protein and fat and some vitamins. They are trying to make up for the time that they were unable to feed them so they can start to gain some good weight.

Saturday, September 13, 2003 8:12 AM CDT

The girls have had an interesting couple of days. The day before yesterday the doctors did an echocardiogram and saw considerable fluid build up again. They planned to tap it yesterday afternoon and analyze it but when the went in to do the tap. . . it wasn't there! Dr. Porisch, one of the cardiologists said "chalk it up to the power of prayer!" God is good isn't He? What an amazing thing!

Tuesday, September 9, 2003 11:09 PM CDT

The girls are making progress! The sterroids seem to be working for them. They are weaning them slowly off of the ventilators. They are up to 10cc's per hour on their feeds. . .still doing well with breast milk. They had their last chest tube removed this morning but the doctors will continue to monitor the fluid build up just in case. They've switched them over from IV drugs to oral drugs. They are still getting Lasix to help them get rid of the edema but they switched them to morphine for pain now if their IV goes bad, they won't need to start another one unless they need another blood transfusion. They shouldn't need another one of those for a while since they just had one yesterday.

Please know that we feel your prayers. We appreciate them greatly.

Sunday, September 7, 2003 12:55 AM CDT

The doctors switched the girls from the Portagen formula they were on back to BREASTMILK!!! YAY! Their first breast milk feed was at noon today. Please pray that they will tolerate it. The next step for them to help their lungs is steroids. They may start them as soon as tonight. It will depend on a couple of things: first, the results of the last blood culture that they did, it will be back at 11:00pm and second, the ultra sound that they are planning to do on their chest sometime today. They need to see if there is any increased fluid build up since they only have one chest tube now and it is hardly draining. The other two were removed mid week last week.

Friday, September 5, 2003 11:56 AM CDT

This morning I gave the girls a bath, helped change their bed, put clean socks and hats on them, and they both were awake for part of that time! It was wonderful to be able to talk to them and feel like they were hearing me. Bryn looked directly into my eyes. The best thing was that they were calm and happy through it all. I sang to them and talked to them for about 30 minutes before Brynleigh fell asleep and Tori started to get a little cranky. I'm very happy.

Thursday, September 4, 2003 5:30 PM CDT

Today was a big day for the twins. A huge parade of 2 doctors, a resident, 2 nurses, a respiratory therapist, and myself took the girls from the 5th floor NICU to the 1st floor and then to the basement to have an MRI and a CT scan. It was quite a production that lasted 3 1/2 hours. The girls were heavily sedated and closely watched but they handled it beautifully. They even kept their body temperatures relatively well.

Another big event today was that I got to help while they were changing their blankets on their bed. This time, instead of putting the new blanket underneath like I have in the past, I got to be one of the people that helped pick them up!! The nurse picked up Victoria and I picked up Bryn. . . just long enough to allow another nurse to slide a blanket underneath them. It was wonderful. I can't stop smiling. I am happy even though it has been a long day for all of us. I was at the hospital for 9 hours today and will go back tonight to check on them before I go to bed.

Tuesday, September 2, 2003 7:36 PM CDT

For those of you who have been wondering. . .we haven't EVER gotten to hold the girls. We are still waiting for that opportunity. It won't happen until they are off the ventilator.

That said, we resumed feeding today. Please pray that they will tolerate it. If not, we may try spinning breastmilk in a centrifuge and then skimming if we can find one. If not, we may just have to buy one ourselves. I hate watching my babies getting thinner and thinner because the IV's that they have them on are enough to sustain them but not make them grow. It's so sad.

The new ventilator settings that they tried today were unsuccessful. The ended up having to turn up Bryn's rate again because her carbon dioxide levels in her blood went way up. I am on my way to the hospital to check on them now. Thanks for your prayers. . . we need them!

Tuesday, September 2, 2003 10:49 AM CDT

No upper GI today thank goodness. We are just waiting to see how their ultra sound looks and then we'll be starting formula feeds. Please pray that they will tolerate them and that they won't start producing chyle again. Thanks.

Monday, September 1, 2003 2:34 PM CDT

The girls are still the same. They haven't made much progress in the last week. The doctors may put off starting their feeds again. One doctor told me that they wanted to do an upper GI tomorrow. . .why they changed their minds about this, I don't know. The last time we discussed their intestinal problems, they said that as long as they weren't bothered by it, they would leave it alone. Why bug them now? The doctor in charge wasn't there today, so I couldn't talk to him. I will go to the hospital first thing in the morning to make sure I talk to him before they do anything.

Saturday, August 30, 2003 7:44 AM CDT

On the day they replaced Bryn's ventilator tubes, she pulled them out. The doctor thinks that they may be getting used to their sedation enough that they need to adjust the dosage. They have been pretty cranky and uncomfortable the last few days. Because of all the problems with their vent tubes, they have put off feeding until Monday night or Tuesday morning. Our prayer now is that they will tolerate feeding well and that the chylothoraces will not come back. We need them to stop draining fluid onto their chests so that they can get their chest tubes out. That is part of what's making them so uncomfortable and cranky.

Thursday, August 28, 2003 12:18 AM CDT

Victoria pulled her ventilator tube out last night so they had to put a new one in. Luckily, it wasn't difficult for the doctor to get it in. Normally they call the Ear Nose and Throat Specialists in for them when the doctors change out their tubes. It was so easy for Dr. McAdams to put a new, bigger one in last night that they decided to put a bigger one in Bryn also. I was there this morning when the ENT dr.s came up for the proceedure. It was very interesting. They put a scope in and I got to watch on the screen while they put in Bryn's tube. It went in very easily. The new tubes should make it much easier for them to get full lung expansion and better suctioning so they should be able to better wean off the vents.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 7:37 AM CDT

Since I last updated, the girls have had 2 more chest tube surgeries. The chest tubes have made a huge difference with breathing and ventilator settings and also with the swelling in their faces. On Sunday, they weren't sedating them quite as much so I got to see both girls open their eyes. Tori has been sucking on her ventilator tubes when she is awake so they gave her a teeny tiny pacifier. The doctors still have no idea why the chyl is leaking around their lungs or exactly where the leak is but at least they have been able to treat the problem successfully.

Friday, August 22, 2003 7:04 AM CDT

Yesterday, the girls had a surgery to insert a chest tube to drain off the fluid that keeps building up around their lungs. Hopefully, this will help them in a lot of ways. They need to have more room to breathe of course but also, my hope is that when some of the fluid there is gone, some of the swelling may go down in their faces and necks. They came through the surgery very well and are resting peacefully. We are on our way to see them after we drop Noah off at kindergarten.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 9:55 PM CDT

Today the doctors drew 70 cc's of fluid off of the twin's chest cavity. They analyzed it and discovered that it is fluid from their lymphatic system. This means that their lymphatic system isn't draining properly. The fluid is mostly made up of fats that haven't been metabolized correctly. Now they must limit their fat intake. They are taking them off of breast milk because it is so fatty and putting them back on IV fluids to see if they can get some of the fluid to go away. In a few days they will start feeding them special formula that is low lipid to see if they do better with that. This is very discouraging for me. I have so much breast milk stored up!! Pumping for them was one of the few things that I could do to help them. Today was another bad day.

Monday, August 18, 2003 11:09 AM CDT

The girls lost 8.3 oz!!! They are almost back down to 10lbs but they still have a lot of adema so there's more weight to lose. They are still on dopamine for their blood pressure but they changed their diarretic again back to Lasix. They are still steadily coming down on their ventilator rates and they are feeding them 18cc.s of milk every 3 hours now. They seem to be tolerating it well.

Sunday, August 17, 2003 1:45 PM CDT

Another step in the right direction!!! The doctors put the girls on 2 new medications yesterday. One was to increase blood pressure, the other was a new stronger diarretic to try to get them to expel more of the fluid they've been retaining. The good news is that they lost 5.1 oz in the last 24 hours and that means that it's working! The sooner they get rid of all that extra fluid, the sooner they'll be able to come back down on their ventilator rates. Keep praying! Thanks.

Friday, August 15, 2003 2:36 PM CDT

We have finally gotten some good news!! The doctors pulled the PICC lines out of the girls arms and so far, since they have done that, the blood cultures are no longer growing. That means that the infection is no longer ongoing. They are still looking very swollen. They are up to 10lbs now but a lot of it is fluid. They have cut their IV fluid intake back a lot hoping that they will use up some of what's being stored. Once they are able to get some of the fluid off of them, the doctors are pretty confident that their ventilator settings will go down also.

They are still doing very well with their feedings. They are hardly having any residual milk in their stomach at all. The doctors are hoping that they will be able to get their milk intake up enough that they won't have to put the PICC lines back in.

The doctors put Barrium (sp) dye in Victoria to see where things went inside her body and guess what! It all went over to Bryleigh's side. No one was surprised by that. The question is why is it going over there? It could be that they share intestines, or it could just be that Victoria's just happen to be on Bryn's side. More studies will have to be done.

Thursday, August 14, 2003 3:28 PM CDT

The girls are still very sick. The doctors say that it isn't as bad as it looks. They are responding well to their breathing treatments and that is a good thing. They have so far avoided any blood pressure medication. They are even going to put some barrium through Victoria's intestines to see where they go. They think that she is somehow making Bryn do all the dirty work. It just makes me so sad to see them lying there so swollen! They look awful. Please PRAY PRAY PRAY that they will come out of this soon. They've already had such a setback on weaning from the ventilator with this infection. Please pray that they will be able to catch up quickly.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003 9:08 PM CDT

Today was another bad day. They had to give the girls their third platelet transfusion today. They determined that they have an infection and the bacteria is consistant with an infection of one of their lines (iv's, Picc lines, etc.) They said that if they can't get the infection to clear up they may need to pull all their lines and start new ones. :( I am going to call the hospital again to check on them to see if there is any new information.

Monday, August 11, 2003 2:27 PM CDT

The girls are back up again on their ventilator pressure. I guess this is the rollercoaster of having babies in the NICU. The nurses and doctors told me to expect ups and downs. Their blood tests show a marked decrease in platlets so in addition to the blood transfusion they gave them yesterday, they gave them platlets today. The decrease could be because of bleeding somewhere, or an infection, or because of a platlet disorder so they are sending another sample along with all of their previous blood smears to a hematologist for evaluation. They will know more at 3:00.

Saturday, August 9, 2003 5:42 PM CDT

The girls are down some more on their ventilator settings. The rate (number of breaths given per minute) is now set at 18. That means all of their other breaths are taken on their own. They have also increased their feeds. Tori is at 9cc's every 3 hours and Bryn is at 11cc's every 3 hours. They are getting sores from laying in the same position so much, so the doctors are going to start turning them every 12 hours now. They are going to discuss better ways to protect them from pressure sores at their big meeting Monday morning. There we go, just one more thing to pray about.

Thanks to Alamo Credit Union, The Fisher House Foundation, and Red McCombs, we now have a newer van!! We were given a 1999 Ford Windstar yesterday. It's very nice and now my mom can sleep at night knowing that we aren't going to break down somewhere! It even has dual air conditioning! What a blessing! San Antonio is a great place to live!

Friday, August 8, 2003 10:51 PM CDT

The girls had another excellent day!! They continue to make slow progress on the ventilator. Tori is now up to 9cc's of milk every 3 hours. Bryn has been having a little residual milk in her tummy so they left her at 7cc's. The best news is that Tori has finally pooped!! We've been waiting and waiting. . .now that it's finally happened, we can all breathe a sigh of relief because we now know that both girls have a separate entrance and a separate exit to their intestines. They still may do a dye study later to see if there is any conjoinment to their intestines but it's good news that both girls are finally going. I've never been so thrilled about poop in all my life! It's amazing how something so little can be so important. :)

Wednesday, August 6, 2003 5:29 PM CDT

The girls continue to make baby steps of progress. They have come down some on their ventilator rate and are taking more breaths on their own. They were given breast milk at 3:00 this afternoon and seemed to be holding it down well when we were there visiting them at 5:00. They have gained even more weight since yesterday so they gave them a dose of Lasix which should cause them to stop retaining so much fluid.

Wednesday, August 6, 2003 0:13 AM CDT

They started giving the girls small amounts of pedialyte to see how their systems do with food. If they continue to do well with it, then they will start to give them breastmilk in a couple of days. We are still praying that they will start to breathe on their own. The ventilator rate is lower but their blood gasses are very high in carbon dioxide which means that they are not exhaling enough of it out. The level of acidity of their blood is high too.

They have gained a little weight. They were 8lbs 4oz today. Some of that is retained fluid. They are a little swollen but it's good that they are no longer losing weight.

Monday, August 4, 2003 4:25 PM CDT

The girls were given medicine to close ducts in their heart that failed to close completely after they were born. It was successful after only one dose which is a good thing. The doctors are hoping that this will allow them to wean better off the ventilator. They have reached sort of a plateau where they weren't making much progress in that direction. Our prayer is still that they will start to breathe on their own. That is the most important thing right now. The doctors are still hopeful and we are trying not to get discouraged by the lack of progress.

Matt and I got to give them a sponge bath today after they turned them over. They are both looking a little swollen and their skin is getting irritated from laying in one position for so long. It is hard to move them much because of all the tubes and wires. This is another reason we hope that they can be removed from the ventilator soon.

Saturday, August 2, 2003 0:48 AM CDT

They are still doing great and so are we. . .even though we are EXHAUSTED from all this, we have so much JOY because God's grace and love are still apparent through it all. He is blessing us through this miracle every day. I am not sure that people understand what God has done in our lives. These babies were not supposed to live through birth, then, they told us not through the first day, two days, etc. Yesterday, we celebrated one week with them. The doctors are no longer telling us they are going to die but are instead marveling at how well they can LIVE! Even they can't help giving God the glory.

Friday, August 1, 2003 9:34 PM CDT

Another great day. The girls had a brain scan that came out normal and another echocardiogram that showed that the valves in their heart that need to close are on their way to doing so. That would mean they won't need surgery later. We got to meet the General today and he is a very nice man. He offered to help us however he can.

Thursday, July 31, 2003 8:24 AM CDT

We went to visit the girls before we went to bed last night. They had just had a bath!! OH WHAT A PRIVILEDGE AND A BLESSING to be able to smell that sweet baby scent. I was even able to plant a soft kiss on Brynleigh's sweet little head. I can't tell you how special that was!

Thank you all for your prayers and support. God is working miracles here and you are all able to see it first hand! The glory goes to Him! God bless you all.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 9:21 PM CDT

The girls came through the operation amazingly well.Their stomach is a little swollen, but all in all everything went pretty good .They should be able to move them a little bit more now, and this will help with their lungs.They are still on the respirator and the doctors say that they will let us know when they can start turning down.
Dawn

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 9:25 PM CDT

Tori and Bryn are having their gastroschesis fixed tomorrow morning at 8:00. Please pray for wisdom and guidance for the dr.s and for strength for the girls.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 8:05 AM CDT

Hi everyone! I'm out of the hospital! I wanted to share my version of things even though you probably read the articles in the paper.

I went to the hospital on Friday morning (still pregnant at this time) to have a meeting with the doctors concerning the best place for us to have the babies. The new pediatric surgeon on board reviewed everything and determined that because of the uncertainties of the anatomy of the gastroschesis, we should go to Houston for delivery. WELL. . . because I hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days, I suggested that before I leave on a 4 hour drive to Houston, maybe we should hook up to the monitors. OF COURSE I was contracting! He checked my cervix and lo and behold I was dilated to 4, with my membranes bulging out. He told me that there was NO WAY I would make it to Houston and even flying me there would be risky. They put me on magnesium to stop the contractions temporarily until they could assemble a team. They pulled civilian and airforce doctors together. One surgeon even drove over from Houston!

The c-section began at 6:00pm and our beautiful twins were born at 6:27. They stitched me up and sent me down to recovery by 7:00! The doctors were unsure about how long the c-section would take. . .said it might even last 2-2 1/2 hours but they were able to do a bikini incision instead of a big classical incision. (praise the Lord) It's still a larger than normal incision but will heal much better.

After they were born, as I was laying on the operating table, I started to cry because it was so quiet in the room. I just wanted them to start crying so I would know that everything was ok. I still haven't heard them cry. Their lungs weren't developed completely and they put them on a ventilator. They are however doing very well and continue to get better every day.

I need to get out the door to the hospital. I just wanted to let you know that I'm back and hopefully soon the girls will be with me. I will update you more on their condition when I get back.

Thursday, July 24, 2003 10:16 PM CDT

Things are just NOT working out for us very well concerning the kids once we go to Houston. We either need to find some sort of childcare for them, or send them to my mom and dad's in WA. The tickets for them to fly up there are WAY too expensive so that's out. My sister is willing to come down here to help us with them but then we run into a problem with finding a place for everyone to stay. We have reservations starting on Wed for the Ronald McDonald house at Texas Children's Hospital but they only allow 4 people per room and my sister would make person number 5. They also only allow 1 room per family. We were brainstorming for ideas tonight and this is what we came up with:

1) Do we know anyone who has an airplane that might be willing to fly the kids up there if we pay for gas/ time/ etc.

2) Does anyone know anyone in the area that has a house for rent that we could stay in short term while we need to be close to the hospital?

3) Are there any military installations in Houston so we could get into a Fisher House?

4) Post to my friends online to see if they have any ideas.

So here I am. . . any ideas?

Tomorrow is our big meeting with the Dr's here at Lackland. Please pray for wisdom in making decisions for the weeks to come. Please pray also that I will be able to carry the babies for a couple more weeks. I haven't been feeling well today, more contractions than usual and VERY tired. I am going to ask the doctor to hook me up to the monitors tomorrow after our meeting to make sure everything is still ok.

I found a website online full of healing scriptures so I will be busy from now on, reading them, underlining them and memorizing them.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003 4:34 PM CDT

No news today. I talked to Dr. Barth here at Lackland. They are still unable to track down the new pediatric surgeon that is on call to speak with him. However, they are going to gather everyone together for a meeting at the hospital, including us at 11:00 on Friday. This is when we will all be able to discuss things together and make our decision.

As far as the kids are concerned, we can't send them up to Washington because the tickets are far too expensive so we are hoping that maybe my sister can fly down here for a few weeks to help out with the kids. We don't know yet if she will be willing to do that. Please pray that we will find someone to help us out with their care after the babies are born when we will need to be at the hospital.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 7:42 PM CDT

We saw another doctor today here at Lackland. He did another ultrasound and estimates the babies weights at 4 and 4lbs 4oz. He determined that BOTH babies have a gastroschesis and suggested that we deliver them in Houston since they will need surgery right away after they are born. We are supposed to talk to him again tomorrow morning and make a decision about where we will go. Again. . . more bad news. Keep praying.

Monday, July 21, 2003 8:51 PM CDT

Today the Public Affairs office received many phone calls from both local and national news stations. We are trying to decide whether or not to do any TV news stories. There are pros and cons. If we do, it will be in a press confrence sort of format. . .inviting all of the stations in at once to get it over with quickly.

We got some more bad news today. The doctors in Houston reviewed the MRI's, echocardiograms, and ultrasounds that we sent to them last week. Dr. Olutoye called this evening to say that the babies share a lot of heart and may not be good candidates for separation. He also said that their blood vessels, etc. are likely so intertwined that when they are born their skin will probably be very blue in color.

I'm having a hard time with this for some reason. We've been doing so well, even in the face of all of the previous bad news but for some reason, this new bit of information hit me really hard. Please pray for continued peace of mind so we can make the right decisions for our sweet babies.

Sunday, July 20, 2003 11:08 AM CDT

The article came out well. We were surprised to be on the front page but felt that Nicole did a good job at giving the facts but still making it kind of inspirational. Here is a link to the story. It may only work for today, I don't know.

http://news.mysanantonio.com/story.cfm?xla=saen&xlc=1028017

Friday, July 18, 2003 8:03 PM CDT

We had our interview this morning with Nicole Foy, a reporter from the San Antonio Express News. They are working on a story for the Sunday paper. I don't know if it will be accessible online but you can try a search. The interview went well. I only teared up once or twice. I think that we made it clear to everyone that was there that we wanted this story to be inspirational. . . not tragic and that no matter what happens we believe God has His hand in it all. Our babies are miracles, no matter what the outcome of all this.

Thursday, July 17, 2003 4:44 PM CDT

Today, we sent off the computer disk with all of the ultrasound photos and echocardiograms to Dr. Cardarelli at the University of Maryland Hospital in Baltimore. He and his team of surgeons successfully separated a set of conjoined twins in April of 2002. I spoke with him on the phone and he said he would be willing to review our case also.

We are doing an interview with the San Antonio newspaper first thing tomorrow morning. The article is supposed to be in Sunday's paper. This is our first one so I'm kind of nervous.

As for me, nights are getting longer and longer as I am able to sleep less and less. My large belly seems to get in my way no matter what position I'm in and last night the babies were so active they actually kept me awake for quite a while. I can't believe I have another month and a half left. I am wondering where the babies are going to get growing room.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 6:41 PM CDT

We were able to get Matt's job squared away yesterday afternoon. He will not have to go to work everyday, only call in twice a day. This will allow him to go to Drs appointments with me and help with the kids.

Today was a productive day also. We Fed Exed copies of all of the medical records for the babies to Texas Children's Hospital for review by the Drs there. We also opened an account at Wells Fargo Bank because so many have asked us where to send donations. For those of you who were wondering, the account number is 5002324357 and donations can be made at any Wells Fargo Branch nationwide.

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 12:24 AM CDT

We just got back from the hospital. I gained 2 pounds in the last week and my tummy grew by 1 cm. Unfortunately the dye that they injected me with for the last MRI pooled in the placenta so they were unable to get any new information. Dr. Gordon, the Dr. in charge says that based on his research the last couple of weeks, he feels it would be best to put the c-section off to 36-38 weeks if we can. This will give the babies more growth and more weight. He reminded us though of the risk of the babies being stillborn. We had the doctors copy the ultrasounds, echocardiograms, and MRIs for us to send to Texas Children's Hospital and possibly to Maryland for evaluation. I don't have to go back to the doctor until next Tues morning. I will seeing someone new and probably having another ultrasound at that time. We are still working on Matt's reassignment and making plans for Noah and Lily to go to my mom's sometime early next month. Please continue to pray for wisdom and guidance for the Dr.'s and for a miracle for our babies. Thanks.

Monday, July 14, 2003 12:40 AM CDT

I spent all morning today calling different organizations that might be able to help us in some way. So far, I haven't had any luck. I did get a few more leads from the United Way so I have more phone calls to make this afternoon. Thank you all for your continued prayer support. We really are feeling at peace with this situation and we know it's because of your prayers.

Sunday, July 13, 2003 4:46 PM CDT

We have no news today about our girls. I had another MRI on Friday afternoon and we are praying that the doctors will be able to get some information from it's results. I have an appointment on Tuesday at the complicated OB clinic at the hospital here. I am hoping to learn more then.

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