History

Journal History

Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:18 AM CDT

Life is good!

The school year is over, summer is in full swing and all's well at our house.

Tony and I just got home from a wonderful Mexican vacation to Playa del Carmen. We went scuba diving and snorkling and just relaxed on the beach.

My parents, Mimi & Pop, stayed with the girls and indulged them as is a grandparent's right. The day after they left Morgan said, "What are we going to do fun today, Mom?" and Marlee answered, "Let's go to McDonalds AND Chuck-E-Cheese!"

Morgan's check ups are every six months now, so we'll likely only have about 4 more. It's hard to believe that it was so long ago; of course I remember some of it like yesterday. It's interesting - the other day I began to realize that I don't always tell people we meet right off the bat that Morgan is a leukemia survivor. It used to be the second or third sentence. It's usually a few times now before people know; it's less consuming than it used to be. However, Morgan has shown more interest in understanding and remembering lately. I think she's getting old enough to get her brain around some of it now and she's trying to put it all in perspective. I've noticed that she introduces herself as a leukemia survivor every once in awhile now.

When I was first looking around the internet at other kids' stories, I got scared because all the journals were about kids that were having trouble or going through the scariest stuff. I realize now that it's because the parents of the ones whose lives return to normal begin to need this kind of therapy less and less. There's not as much to say and at some point, there is a desire to move on. I hope to keep writing every once in awhile - at least through the five year mark. For those of you who are checking up on us and looking for new updates, just check out the pictures that we put up periodically and watch the girls grow. For those of you that are looking to compare your story with ours - KNOW THAT THERE IS HOPE!!

All the best,
Laurie

Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:18 AM CDT

Thursday, January 12, 2006 8:12 AM CST

3 YEARS OF REMISSION!!!

January 10th was the 3rd anniversary of Morgan's remission date!! So far, so good! Last month, right around the anniversary of her diagnosis, we took her for a follow up check since she had had a low white count in November. I have to say that both Tony and I were a little nervous, but her counts were terrific and she is the picture of health!

Morgan still loves Kindgergarten and adores her teacher. We feel very fortunate that everything has gone so smoothly for her. Last semester she took a theater class and had her performance in mid-December. She was amazing - articulate, poised, confident, and very happy. It makes Tony and I feel both proud and humble at the same time. This semester we have her in art lessons. She loves to draw and color and she is very excited about her lessons. She has shown some natural ability with drawing and painting and so I'm interested to see if this will be her mode of self expression.

Marlee is really growing. She's a free spirit! She loves to laugh and is very sociable. I have to plan an extra 15 minutes most places we go, because she likes to engage people in conversation and has a way of wrapping them around her little finger. She takes ballet and gymnastics and does really well with both. She is very capable physically. In December, she had a mini-recital at her ballet class and her dancing just made me smile. She loves music and moves very gracefully to it; she is not overly concerned with how everyone else is moving to it, however. I wouldn't say she dances to the beat of a different drummer; just a different choreographer! ;o)

We hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and we're sending wishes for a healthy and happy 2006!!

Love,
Laurie

Friday, November 25, 2005 8:28 PM CST

Following is the entry Tony wrote in our friend Jennifer's journal earlier today. Please visit her website and let her family know that they are not alone. Jennifer's website

Friday, November 25, 2005 12:58 AM CST

The results from the abdominal biopsy are in. The slim hope that a treatable graft-vs-host disease was contributing to Jennifer's condition has been eliminated.

So, with the progressive failure of Jennifer's lungs, liver, and kidneys, the very difficult decision has been made to take her off the respirator. This will happen today, within the next hour.

While the strength that this kind, quiet young lady displayed could not overcome her illness, the strength of her spirit and her story will continue to strengthen and inspire those whom she touched.

Our hearts go out to the Wilks today and in the difficult days to come.

Update (2:00 P.M.): Jennifer passed away peacefully just a few moments ago, surrounded by her loving family, friends, nurses and doctors. Jennifer definitely fought the good fight. She can rest in peace now, with no pain, no worry, no tears. Godspeed, Jennifer - we are all better for having known you.

T.Randel

Sunday, November 13, 2005 10:41 PM CST

Please visit our friend Jennifer's site. (www.caringbridge.com/tx/jenniferw)

She is in the PICU with pneumonia and has therefore been intubated and sedated. Their family could use all of our warm thoughts and ardent prayers.

Love,
Laurie

Saturday, November 5, 2005 7:03 AM CST

Everything is still going great here!! Morgan is loving Kindergarten and has adjusted to the new schedule. (On the third day, when I woke her up she complained, "Not again!!") She loves her teacher, Miss Orr, and has lots of friends. She is taking theater and gymnastics after school and is really enjoying both of those too! Morgan was a cat for a Halloween. She called it a "Mixed-up" cat because she wanted the black suit, but she wanted a pink tail and leapord ears. After Tony got done with the face paint, she looked a little like she belonged in the broadway musical, Cats.

Marlee is turning into a little girl - she's not a baby anymore! She is very smart (loves to play "Uno" and is very good at it) and quite mischievous. She was "Thunder Girl" for Halloween. It was her own invention as far as we know. It may have been an amalgam of different characters she's seen, but it was very fitting for her. She likes to play super heroes / super villains and switches back and forth between which she wants to be. Her costume was really cute and made me giggle. Marlee is taking gymnastics and ballet and spends the rest of the time with me. I’m really enjoying the time with her.

I’m taking some graduate courses. I have a few classes to take before I can get my Texas certification as a school counselor, so I’m just taking one each semester. I only have one more class to take and I’m glad because they take a lot of time!! I’m not sure when I’m going to go back to work, but I wanted to make sure I had my credentials in order. I think if I can find something part time next year, that would work out great. Marlee has two more years before Kindergarten, but I know she would enjoy preschool.

Tony keeps the whole thing running smoothly! He would like to have more space and time to do woodworking but he does lots of projects that keep him busy. We have ideas for a new Randel family adventure in the works, but we’ll have to keep you in suspense about that one for now.

Tonight we are walking in the Light the Night Walk for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Morgan is an honored hero and will be helping with the opening ceremony. We are looking forward to it. If you are interested in making a donation you can go to www.active.com/donate/ltnSanAn1/TeamRandel to find out more information. Tomorrow morning, Tony will be running in the Race for the Cure with his work. It’s funny that they both fell on the same weekend, so those are our plans.

Morgan just had an appointment at Dr. Lockhart’s office this past week. Her white blood cells were a little low (3.1 preliminary results), but everything else looked good. I may take her back in a couple of weeks just to make sure that everything is okay. I’m not as panicked as I have been in the past about it – not sure if that’s good or bad.

We’ll keep you posted!!
Laurie

Wednesday, August 3, 2005 11:36 AM CDT

Here it is - August, already. Marlee just turned 3 (July 31st) and Morgan STARTS SCHOOL IN 2 WEEKS!? Amazing. Weren't they about the size of a loaf of bread just the day before yesterday?

Morgan is out of her cast and trying hard to get her right arm/hand back in working order. Both are in swimming lessons. Marlee may seem kind of young for lessons, but believe me - it's a requirement. If you turn your back on her for .5 sec at the pool, she's jumping in. Completely fearless...so hopefully she'll at least learn how to stay afloat. Parents must always stay on the offensive!

Morgan kissed a boy (Cole) the other day.

She's kissed boys before, but by her own hesitating description of the event, this time meant something more to her, apparently. Gah! There's one area in which I don't wish her to be precocious.

We're looking into some drama/theatre/acting classes for Morgan. She keeps mentioning how she'd like to be on stage or be on television. Marlee is definitely going to need gymnastics or something more physical - something to burn off her energy!

My sister Denise (aka, "Deecee," "Deni") has relapsed after a year of remission. Her cancer has spread to her spine and lungs, among other places. Pray and send positive vibes her way. She's inspired to beat this thing and I bet she will!

I hope this finds all readers happy, healthy, and thankful for both.

Stop by and say "hi" to Jennifer Wilks.

Peace,
Tony
Randel Family Homepage

Tuesday, June 14, 2005 8:07 AM CDT

So no news is good news. We had some excitement yesterday so now we have a little news to report.

Yesterday, at the end of a fun afternoon with our neighbors, we set out for one last bike ride around the block before it was time for Hayley and Cole to go home. Just as we got started, Morgan fell off her bike and broke her arm. It was obvious that it was broken, so I just supported her head and arm as she lay on the ground and it took me a couple of minutes to figure out what to do. Hayley and Cole ran home and got their mom and dad and some other neighbors also saw what was happening and came to help. I wasn't sure what to do about moving or not moving her, so finally when I realized we were going to have to move eventually, I carefully moved the arm to her side and helped her stand up. Our neighbor Rob got an ace bandage and we wrapped it around her and got her situated in the car with some ice on her arm. Morgan was a champ!! Marlee too; I'm not 100ure where Marlee was throughout the initial craziness, but she wasn't in the street and she wasn't climbing on me and when I got Morgan in the car she was just all of a sudden in her car seat (I think Piper had a lot to do with that). We took her with us to the hospital at first because she was so concerned about Morgan being okay, and then later I took her over to Piper and Rob's house. I was surprised at how calm Morgan was - she cried when it hurt, but she seemed to take everything else in stride. She even said on the way to the hospital, "I didn't plan for this to happen today. This is terrible . . . but it's not more terrible than getting cancer; it's just a little terrible." Perspective . . . in a five-year-old. She was terrific at the hospital. She explained what happened very articulately and asked for what she needed and as always was very polite and thankful. Tony and I are so proud of both our girls!!

The injury was to her elbow - the round part of the elbow broke off the humorous (above the growth plate, luckily) and moved out of place. She had to have surgery so they could move it and pin it back into place. She's in a splint now and will get a cast put on next week. We left the house for the hospital about 5:00 pm and we were back home by 11:00 - surgery and all! Not bad.
She slept very well last night, thanks to a little Tylenol w/ codeine, and is enjoying her morning on the couch being catered to. The surgeon said her cast should be able to come off in about 4 weeks, so we may still be able to do swimming lessons - which are scheduled for the end of July.

So that's our news. We'll keep you posted. Keep checking on Jennifer (www.caringbridge.com/tx/jenniferw).

Love to all!
Laurie

Sunday, April 24, 2005 12:42 AM CDT

We went in for Morgan’s check up a week ago last Friday. Dr. Lockhart was very pleased that she is doing so well. Her blood counts were perfect and her exam was very normal (except for a little bit of a rash which is probably either heat rash or allergies and is already mostly clear). Dr. Lockhart suggested that we do a follow-up echocardiogram on Morgan’s heart as some of the chemo drugs that she received can be very hard on the heart. She had a baseline one done at the end of her treatment and everything looked good. We will go in this coming Thursday for that and are hopeful that we will find a strong and healthy heart!

While we were there, we saw Mary and Jennifer in the fish room. Jennifer was waiting on some red blood so we stayed for awhile and the girls enjoyed playing with Jennifer while I chatted with Mary. Can I just tell you that Jennifer is such a special kiddo who always makes Morgan and Marlee feel special and important? I so wish she was over babysitting instead of in Houston in the fight of her life.

As I was talking to Mary, it became apparent that they needed someone to keep their dog, Bailey while Tim, Mary and Jennifer went to Houston and we were more than happy to take Bailey for the week. We had a terrific time with her. She is a great dog, was terrific with the girls, and made us miss Sofie all the more. We may get to watch her on some weekends still and we’re glad about that.

Last Saturday was Alex’s Celebration of Life and tree dedication. It was beautiful. Doug and Sheila chose to donate to Alex’s elementary school a Monterrey Oak that will grow around 70 feet tall in memory of Alex. Lots of friends and family gathered to witness the dedication and share happy memories of this sweet, exuberant child whose time here was far too short. We miss you Alex! (www.caringbridge.com/tx/alexdierking)

Please keep checking Jennifer’s website and praying for her total recovery and restoration to complete health. www.caringbridge.com/tx/jenniferw

Love to all!
Laurie

Tuesday, April 5, 2005 11:02 PM CDT

Hello all!

I am updating with some terrible news. Our good friend, Jennifer, has recently learned that she has relapsed for a second time. She was diagnosed with AML 3 months before Morgan and we met them in the hospital. She and her family have been an amazing source of encouragement and friendship for us during Morgan's struggle. Morgan and Jennifer completed their treatment about the same time, but then a few months later, Jennifer relapsed for the first time and went to Houston for her first transplant.
She was approaching the one year anniversary of that transplant but just last week, they received the news that she will need to go back to Houston for a second transplant.

Please pray fervently for Jennifer's healing. Her website is www.caringbridge.org/tx/jenniferw and I know that she and her family would love some words of encouragement in their guestbook.

Thank you!
Love to all,
Laurie

P.S. Morgan goes in for her next check-up in a couple of weeks. I'll let you know how it goes.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 9:41 AM CST

I’ve not been doing a great job of updating lately. Thanks Tarah for reminding me that people are checking up on Morgan and that they get a little worried when they don’t hear anything.

We are doing very well. Morgan’s last appointment went great and her blood counts are perfect. Not long after that, our house came down with a flu/cold or something. I was the only one who didn’t really get anything, but I got a little run down just the same – probably just from blowing noses all day!! That lasted a couple of weeks, but now we’re all healthy again.

We’ve had a very eventful weekend. On Thursday, of last week, Tony and I spoke at the Central Texas Blood and Tissue Center’s Donor Appreciation banquet. That was a real treat. There were around 800 – 1000 people or so (I’m guessing). The donors that were there were ones that have donated 10 gallons or more of blood or platelets!! Awards were given for 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, and even 40 gallons!!! It takes somewhere between 3 and 12 years to reach the 10 gallon level depending on whether you donate platelets or whole blood. You can donate platelets more often than whole blood. Tony and I are so amazed at these people who are obviously committed to helping out thousands of people that they don’t even know!! We told them Morgan’s story and how much their donations have meant to our family and also showed a PowerPoint presentation showing some of the pictures throughout her ordeal to now. I hope our talk helped them to visualize just exactly what they are doing. Through writing the speech I realized that the blood donors were as essential a part of Morgan’s treatment and recovery as the doctor’s knowledge, excellent nursing, and powerful drugs. I had known that in my head, but it seemed to become more real to me. Anyway, it was a cathartic experience to be able to tell them, “Thank you!”

Then on Friday, we experienced another tough loss. Our new puppy, Sofie, was hit by a car and died instantly. It was really hard on us, although of course I know it doesn’t even compare to the loss of a child. Tony and I are both very sad about it and Tony is also experiencing some trauma since he saw it happen. We had planned on Friday night for Morgan and Marlee to go to the new Pooh movie with friends and Tony and I had a date scheduled. The girls were so excited about going out, that we didn’t even tell them on Friday. We waited and told them Saturday morning. That was very hard on us – wondering how they would respond. Tony and I still went on our date, but we came home early. I had a terrible time sleeping and felt really sad, so I called my mommy at 2:00 in the morning. I had been feeling sad that the girls will have to experience sadness and had been mourning not only the loss of a terrific, smart, and beautiful dog, but also the fact that as my children grow, there are hard times ahead for them too. Thinking that, I hoped that when they feel sad and like they need someone to talk to, that they would call me. So I figured my mom felt that way too. And she did. We talked for a couple of hours and she made me feel much, much better. I know she was tired the next day. Thanks, Mom.

On Saturday, the first thing was telling the girls. Morgan was very sad for a few minutes and then after she got her composure back said, “Well, maybe we should try a turtle next.” Poor baby. She’s cried off and on and has woken up a few times crying, but she seems to be doing okay. Marlee really didn’t understand, I think until today. She’s still been looking for Sofie or saying things like “Sofie is in her crate,” or “Sofie’s in the backyard.” Today in the car, though, she asked “Where’s Sofie?” and I explained it to her again. I think she got it this time, kinda. It’s so hard to understand at that age. So, I think we’ve decided to get a house cat that won’t go outside. Morgan really wants a pet that will cuddle with her and be really calm. We will probably wait a couple of months or so, so we can save up some money for vet bills and such, but we’re starting to find out where the shelters are now.

Then around noon on Saturday, I had lunch with other AML mommies. Patrick’s mom, Shannon, Jennifer’s mom, Mary, Radha’s mom, Gita, and Alex’s mom, Sheila were all there. We had a good talk together. Sheila has been grieving the loss of Alex since early December. It’s hard to describe how she is doing. I imagine it’s even hard for her to describe it. She is functioning – getting from one day to the next. She and Doug have plans to help other children with donations to CureSearch and Make-a-Wish. They donated some of Alex’s unopened Christmas presents to the oncology clinic. Please keep them in your prayers. The other kids are all doing well.

I had to leave lunch early to get to the mall for the Make-a-Wish Radiothon. Tony dressed Morgan and Marlee in their princess dresses and I met them there. They interviewed Morgan on the radio and she did a great job. In all, Make-a-Wish rose over $260K in order to be able to fulfill all the current pending wishes. Tony put a link to some pictures of that on the “ink” link on the home page of www.randelfamily.com.

So after that, we all came home and snuggled together on the couch and took a nap. Well, Tony and Marlee and I napped; Morgan watched Shark Tale. Tony said he when he woke up, he found Morgan on her bed crying about Sofie. He comforted her and then they played games for awhile. Marlee and I both slept longer.

Then on Sunday, we went to Sesame Street Live. That was fun. Morgan and Marlee got to try some cotton candy (which we discovered Morgan had never had before) and Morgan had a carmel apple. Marlee had some Skittles, but we noticed a little way in that she was just putting them in her mouth and swallowing them whole. Tony tried to teach her to chew them, but after two chews, they were gone. Well, I guess it’s good pill swallowing practice?! As soon as Marlee saw Elmo, she got out of her seat and headed toward the stage. Every two seconds, she kept saying, “Can I go see Elmo, now?” My answer of “Elmo’s busy, honey” wasn’t sufficient. Both girls really enjoyed the show. Morgan was very into it.

Busy weekend. Realistically, I may not update again for awhile. Although I enjoy doing it, I seem to be getting more and more back into the swing of things and have less and less of a need (and time) to write about the mundane (even though I cherish the mundane now). Morgan’s next appointment with Dr. Lockhart isn’t until April 15th. I’ll update around then and if anything big or interesting happens, I’ll let you know. It’s bittersweet becoming less dependent on this Caringbridge journal. It helped sustain us in a very trying time. I’m beginning to believe, not just hope, that the worst of it is over. Fingers crossed.

Love to all.
Laurie

P.S. I hesitate leaving the last couple of sentences in. I envision my next entry being an awful one. I don’t want to jinx anything . . . Aaargh! The mind of a cancer mom!!

Monday, January 10, 2005 10:53 AM CST

Two months!! That’s how long it’s been since my last entry. Tony wrote a sweet tribute to Alex in December, but I haven’t posted in two months. I’ll try to hit the highlights of the past two months without making this unbearably long.

For Thanksgiving, we went to my parent’s house in Abilene and had a wonderful time. The park that is near their house has a great play area and lots of ducks and geese who love to be fed!! Morgan and Marlee both got a big kick out of that.

On December 5th, the Pflugerville First United Methodist Church Youth Group threw a FABULOUS Christmas Party for a few families of kids with cancer. Wow! Did they ever make the girls feel special! They had a yummy spaghetti & pizza dinner complete with lots and lots of Christmas cookies. Morgan and Marlee’s favorite part was having all those kiddos to talk to and play with. The girls found friends and then I hardly even saw them. Actually, it’s hard to pick out what the favorite part was, because after we ate, Santa himself walked in with special toys in his sack for each child – cancer kiddo and siblings, too - Spencer and his two sisters, Garrett and his brother and sister, Jacob and his 3 brothers, Elora (who we had not met), and Morgan and Marlee. When Marlee saw him, she screamed “Santa!” and ran and jumped up on his lap and gave him a hug! She had a hard time letting the other kids have a turn! Both girls were enchanted with the gifts he brought. Then Joe Scruggs, popular children’s singer/songwriter, had all the kids come and record a little of their favorite Christmas songs. Morgan was first in line for that!! In fact, right after he explained that he wanted the families to come to the back to sing, Morgan thought he meant that she should go up to the big microphone at the front of the room and next I saw her, she was trying to reach way up high to get it so she could sing her song for everyone. I don’t think my kids even know the meaning of the word “shy.” It was about then that I noticed the gift tables. At first I thought, “Oh wow! Look at that table full of presents for the kids.” Then I realized, “Oh, I guess there’s a table full for each family.” Then I saw that there was a table full of about 8 or 10 presents for each child!! After the girls had opened these, Morgan was so overwhelmed and asked me who she should say “Thank You” to. I told her that the gifts were from all of the people there, so she asked if she could talk on the microphone. I was astonished at Morgan’s poise and presence. She said, “Everyone, thank you so much for the presents. They are wonderful. I love them all. Thank you so much, everyone!” She spoke clearly and with sincere feeling. I have to admit, I beamed with pride just a little. The kids were helping us take all this loot out to the car when Briana (the organizer), brought over a gift basket for Tony and I that included many wonderful gifts and a substantial amount of money in gift certificates. The outpouring of love and generosity that we received from this event was humbling and overwhelming. I haven’t written a proper letter of “Thanks” yet, it’s on my list of things to do. I hope to get a picture of the group and will post it on the website.

On December 10th, my sister Amber graduated from college! The girls and I went to Abilene again to help her celebrate. We got through the graduation speech sitting in our seats, but then had to walk around outside until just before they called Amber’s name because the girls were getting so restless. (Maybe I was getting restless and they are just a convenient excuse in situations like that, hmmmm?) Anyway, we went back in and saw Amber cross the stage and then went back to my parent’s house to prepare for the party. We spent a few more days there. Went to the zoo and park. The girls really enjoy being at Mimi and Pop’s house – after we’re there for a few days, Marlee asks to go back every day for the next two weeks!

While we were gone, Tony worked his buns off doing a “While You Were Out” on the girls’ bedroom. We had wanted to paint in there, but wanted to be able to air out the fumes before they had to sleep in there. Tony did an amazing job!! He did a lot more than just paint! It looks wonderful and the girls love it!

Then, on December 12th, Alex Dierking earned his wings. I’ve said it before, I know, but words just do not work to talk about when a child dies. I sit and write and then backspace again and again. My stomach feels as if it’s been kicked, my head as if there is a vice pressing on my temples and my eyes begin to well. Tony and I went to Alex’s visitation. There was a long line of people waiting to hug Sheila and Doug. Along the way were many pictures of Alex growing up. One that hit me hard was of his first day of kindergarten. Backpack, lunch box, innocence, promise, future . . .
So many emotions . . . anger and hatred that cancer stole his future and the hopes of his parents, sadness and pain seeing the coffin of a child and the dazed look in his parents’ eyes, thankfulness and humility, even a touch of guilt, at being spared the same in our own life. Sheila and Doug will be accepting tribute donations in Alex’s name for www.curesearch.org that will be applied to a fund that is used exclusively for research for childhood AML. If you are interested in donating, email me and I will get the particulars for you.

On December 18th, our new puppy, Sofie, came home. She is a Boston Terrier and is really cute and very, very playful. She is a very smart dog. She is just 10 weeks old now and she is mostly housebroken (as long as we are diligent) and knows sit, stay, down, come, jump and speak. We have been very impressed. She’s a lot of work, but we are enjoying her very much. The timing was a little interesting for us. We didn’t want for her to be a “Christmas puppy” because we wanted to make sure the girls understood that owning a dog is a big decision. I was nervous about getting her right before all the activity of Christmas, but she did great and everything worked out.

On the 22nd, my mother’s side of the family all came to Austin. My grandparents were in a car-totaling accident on the way here, but they were not hurt. We had a really nice visit. They all stayed until the 26th and we spent some fabulous time together. All the kids spent the night over here on the 24th and it was really, really fun! Morgan and Marlee had a blast!! On Christmas Eve, everyone came over here and spent the day. We went to the Christmas Eve service at Hill Country Bible Church – wow! It was amazing – very inspiring. My favorite activity of the day was our White Elephant gift exchange. Everyone brought a gift that they had not spent any money on – something from their existing stores of wealth – something that they didn’t need, were intending to give away, etc. It was really fun and it took some of the “commercial” out of the whole thing.
Christmas day, we went to my aunt and uncle’s house for lunch. Joy fixed a delicious meal and we sat around for the rest of the day singing Christmas carols and playing Texas Hold ‘Em and Scene It! It was all really delightful!

On New Year’s Eve, Tony and I hosted an impromptu New Year’s Eve party with a few friends and their kids. It was also a lot of fun! The kids stayed up as late as they could, Marlee and Ethan made it past midnight!

Then began the putting things back in order and getting started on the New Year Resolutions. It’s the 10th now and I’m still putting things back in order and getting started on the resolutions!!

Morgan’s 5th birthday was last Wednesday. We haven’t had a party yet, because Mommy just couldn’t get it together!! We have scheduled it for the 22nd, and so today I need to get the invitations out. On Wednesday, Morgan opened a couple of presents and had a Brownie Sundae with candles, and our neighbors brought her some balloons and flowers, but I don’t think she’s convinced that she is already five yet. She’s waiting on the party.

Yesterday was a special day. It marked two full years of remission for Morgan!! (Relief sigh) The chance of a relapse is still there, but it is markedly less now. I had a nightmare last night that things had not worked out this way for us. I’m glad I can wake up from that.

I constantly pray for those who cannot wake up from their real life nightmares. Garrett’s family needs prayers right now. They have discovered that he has a fungal infection and he is currently in the PICU on a breathing tube. His situation is very grim. His mother has asked for prayers that he is having good dreams and is out of pain. His website is www.caringbridge.org/tx/garrettburnham.

Well, it’s a pretty long journal entry. We go to Dr. Lockhart on the 21st so I’ll update after that.

Love to all!
Laurie

Monday, December 13, 2004 9:23 AM CST

It's been some time since I made a journal entry. I've been hiding.

We each have our own way of dealing with stress, emotion, life, death. In trying to put words to how I approach the intense emotions that have become a part of my daily life, I'm reminded of an old Carly Simon song, "Haven't Got Time for the Pain." Like, for instance, the pain of seeing a bald little girl who doesn't have the strength to sit up to look at her birthday cake. Or the pain of running into a (cancer) family member and finding that their little girl just passed away.

So, I keep myself busy. I only allow myself to feel, to empathize, to a certain point before, with conscious effort, pushing away. When I go on a Caringbridge binge and catch up on the lives that Laurie so assiduously follows, I just want to curl up in a little ball. Laurie is stronger than me. I don't know how she does it. The emotion for me is crippling.

But last night our friend and family member, Alex Dierking, died and I don't want to shy away from it. I realize that I didn't get to know Alex as well as I should have - nor his parents Doug and Sheila - precisely because I dissociated when the emotion became too intense. And the emotion is always intense when you know that, barring a miracle, the end is only a matter of time for a 7-year old boy who should be dragging his backpack through the school yard instead of dragging an IV pole to examining room B.

So I'd like to say my own goodbye to Alex, sweet little boy. How I wish things could have been better for you. You escaped a miserable existance when Doug and Sheila brought you home and made you all a family. The all-too brief time you were with them has been the best time of their lives and the sorrow that they feel now that you're gone is indescribable. The void you left is enormous and overwhelming. But, being human, they will find a way to go on with their lives. But they will forever think of you when they hear that song you liked, or see that toy you particularly enjoyed. And three years from now your mom will pull a blanket out of the closet and out will tumble one of your trading cards or something and she'll sit down on the floor and cry her eyes out, thinking of you. You have left a hundred million bittersweet little voids in their lives that they haven't even thought of yet, but will always notice and always cherish.

Alex, the people that went before you have built the foundation of medicine that saved my little girl and now you have done your part to advance the cause just that little bit that will one day save the life of someone else. You can never know what that means to us. You are a hero, young man, and I only wish I could embrace you and tell you that in person. Safe journey, little warrior.

Thursday, November 11, 2004 7:58 PM CST

Morgan had a check up with Dr. Lockhart today! Her blood counts are FABULOUS!!
WBC: 6.9
HGB: 12.1
PLT: 265
All very, very good!!

She has a slight cough and runny nose and Dr. Lockhart says her ears a little red, but we’re going to give it a couple of days to see if it clears on its own before giving her an antibiotic. I like it when I see her body fight off little infections on its own.

The rest of the check up was just terrific. We even took Morgan to an eye doctor the other day just for a post-chemo check and he said her eyes look great!! (or rather “see great!” ;o)) He even said that he thought it would be unusual if she needed glasses before she’s an adult which seems strange because Tony and I are both nearsighted and both got glasses when we were in the third grade. Maybe that will change, but it’s good news!

Everything else is very normal here. I’ve been working on the “Thank Yous” from the Light the Night Walk, but they are still not done. I’m terrible at sending cards and am really working to get better, so please know that your “Thank you” is in our hearts now, but will soon be in the mail too.

Tony rebuilt our master closet and so that’s sent us into organizing mode. We are having a garage sale this weekend, so we’ve been busy getting that together. For all you northerners, garage sales are year-round down here!!

It looks like we’ll be spending Thanksgiving at my parent’s house. We plan on staying home for Christmas. We were in the gift shop at the hospital today and Marlee saw them putting up a Christmas tree and said, “Ook! Its for Tismas!!” I didn’t know if she would remember.

We saw Alex & his mom today at the clinic. They had just had their appointment and were headed to the heart doctor and then coming back again so he could get a blood transfusion this afternoon. He looks really good and was all boy – getting ready to sit and play his video game for a while in the clinic. When you see him, it’s hard to believe that he has an insidious disease that will not go away. Please continue to pray for their miracle.

Also, please keep Garrett’s family in your prayers. He has relapsed rhabdomyosarcoma and they are beginning to run out of options for him. Chemo is no longer an option, and they are awaiting news about an additional surgery.

Jacob and Spencer are both coming off treatment and their families could use prayers for continued remission and for sanity for the parents (going off-treatment can be a very scary time for parents).

We love you all! If I don’t update before Thanksgiving – have a Happy Thanksgiving! There’s a lot to be thankful for – sometimes you have to really look for it and other times it’s right in front of you!

Saturday, October 16, 2004 4:56 PM CDT

Monday, October 18, 2004

I just realized that I never wrote about our cat, Mrs. Duffy, passing away last Sunday (not yesterday, but the week before). She was hit by a car. Her loss has had a big impact on Morgan. Last night at the dinner table, Morgan began to cry and when we asked her what was wrong, she said that she had just been thinking about Duffy. She's realizing that sometimes you just have to be sad.

Saturday, October 16, 2004 4:56 PM CDT

Everything is well here.

Healthwise, we’re pretty normal. About 10 days ago, Morgan woke up from a nap with a fever of 103F. I panicked slightly. She didn’t have any other symptoms at all. I watched her and treated her with Tylenol and Motrin and within about 12 hours, the fever was gone. It made me uneasy until about 4 days later when Marlee had the exact same thing. At least I know it was some kind of virus.

I went to lunch today with some of my “AML Mom” friends. It’s a club I never wanted to be a part of, but I am a better person for knowing these women. There were 5 of us, Sheila - Alex’s mom, Mary - Jennifer’s mom, Gita – Radha’s mom, and Shannon – Patrick’s mom. The experience of sharing a conversation with these moms is pivotal in my life as a cancer momma, and therefore is something that I’d like to tell you about, but there is no language that will convey it. I wish I were a better master of language or maybe that I was better at defining my emotions. At least I can give you the updates.

Alex is hanging in there. The maintenance chemo that he is on has controlled his leukemia blasts to 10 percent down from 23. Basically, they are enjoying the moments as they wait for something to change. I can’t even tell you how profoundly devastating this is for all of us. And those of us whose kids are well know that we can’t even begin to understand what Doug and Sheila are experiencing. Continue crying out with us for Alex’s miracle.

Jennifer is better. She is back at home and is feeling much better. I just realized that I hadn’t updated with Jennifer’s developments. A few days after my entry on September 23rd, Jennifer had to be helicoptered to the ICU at MD Anderson so that they could deal with her severe pneumonia. Her lungs were full of fluid and things were looking VERY bad for her for awhile. She still had the terrible infection in her leg, but it took a back burner to her lungs. They inundated her with medications and gradually things began to improve. They are still not certain as to what went wrong, but searching for answers might have caused further complications, so for now they are just accepting that she is better. They still have many issues that they are dealing with, but they are breathing a little easier.

Radha and Patrick are about the same as Morgan. Doing well and getting stronger.

It’s a day of immense thankfulness and sorrow. I’m going to go play with the girls.

Love to all.
Laurie

Saturday, October 9, 2004 11:01 PM CDT

We just got home from our Light the Night Walk!! Thanks to all of our fabulous supporters it was a huge success!! The total as of tonight is $1695.00!!! WOW! We have until November 7th to continue accepting donations, so if you wanted to donate and didn’t get a chance too, it’s not too late. Here’s the link again:
Morgan's Light the Night Page

Morgan and Marlee had a terrific time! There was a moonbounce, face paint, clowns with balloons, steak & mushrooms from Outback Steakhouse, Round Rock donuts, and Blue Bell ice cream sandwiches!! There was a live band, and the red and white balloons that they gave out really do light up!! Cancer survivors get a white balloon and supporters get red ones. Morgan felt really special to have a white balloon. Little does she know . . .

Here’s the story of the evening, by far. Right as we arrived, we were just getting out of the car when Tony spotted one of the other mom’s from the oncology office that we haven’t seen in awhile. The last time we saw them was the day Morgan was getting her port removed. They had just found out that Alexandria had relapsed with ALL and they were preparing to go to Fort Worth for a bone marrow transplant. The day before that, they had found out that Alexandria had 40 bone marrow matches in the registry. I hollered “Hey Veronica!” and started over to chat. As I was walking closer, I said, “Hey! How are you all! How’s Alexandria?” As the words came out of my mouth, I realized that the rest of the family was there, but Alexandria was not. Veronica, Alexandria’s mom paused for a moment and said, “We lost Alexandria 7 weeks ago.”

When we first met Alexandria, it was during Morgan’s second stay in the hospital. We were just beginning Morgan’s second round of chemo and Alexandria was in the room next to us. She was riding a little car in the hospital hallway and absolutely captivated Morgan’s attention since Morgan hadn’t really had the chance to play with other kids for awhile. She was sweet and happy and we all had fun watching her play. After that, we saw them several more times in the clinic. The first day Morgan ever played with Barbies was one day in the clinic with Alexandria’s older sister Natalia.

Words won’t express the sorrow I feel for the loss of this beautiful child and for the pain that Nathaniel, Veronica and Natalia are experiencing. Though we’ve been forced to imagine this scenario happening in our own life, I know that only someone who has actually lost a child would be able to truly understand. Tonight, as Veronica and I were hugging and crying, Marlee noticed and began asking repeatedly, “Wats wong?” She approached Veronica’s leg and began to pat it gently. Veronica bent down and hugged Marlee and after said to me, “That felt so good.” Marlee is about the same size as Alexandria was.

One thing that’s so devastating to realize is that the world keeps turning even after these angels are gone. I thought about what it would be like if the same thing happened (or happens) to us. How Tony and Marlee and I might go somewhere and maybe no one there would see the enormous hole in our lives. Even Marlee might never realize what she had lost.

It’s cruel and it’s not fair and I HATE IT! You know, when Morgan was diagnosed they told us there were two basic kinds of leukemia, ALL and AML. They said to pray for ALL because it was easier to cure. Morgan had AML; Alexandria had ALL. Morgan doesn’t even have one perfect bone marrow match in the registry – Alexandria had 40. It just proves that there IS NO “GOOD” CANCER.

And so tonight, I hugged the girls one extra time, real tight, so I won’t forget.

Please go visit Alexandria’s site and join with us in sending prayers and words of comfort. Alexandria's Page

We love you all!
Laurie

Thursday, September 23, 2004 9:37 PM CDT

We had Morgan’s visit to the clinic today. She only has to go every two months now, but I’ve been making her appointments about 6 weeks apart only because that’s about the time that I start to get anxious to know what her counts are. Maybe next time I’ll try 7 weeks!!

Morgan’s blood counts are GREAT!! Her white blood cells are 6.3 (normal is 4.1 – 12.0). That’s the best they’ve been in a long time. She has mostly been somewhere between 3.0 and 4.0 for most of the time that she’s been off treatment, so it’s nice to see them in the just right range. Her hemoglobin was 12.3 and platelets are 289 – perfect!!

The thing that’s so remarkable in our case is that Morgan suffers no ill effects from any of the treatment so far. Her heart, lungs, kidneys seem fine (though we’ve not had any tests – we’re just assuming), she has no sleeping, eating, or toileting issues, and her learning seems right on track. Morgan has been in remission for almost 21 months. Her chance of relapse is becoming less and less of a probability, although there is always a chance. I’ve heard of kids relapsing after 4 years or even longer, but that is not common. I don’t know that we’ll ever feel “out of the woods” but these woods that we’re in are looking more beautiful and serene all the time. I think I even see a pretty little stream . . .

The hard part about today involves some prayer requests I have for you. I saw both Jennifer’s mother and Alex’s mother today.

Jennifer is in the hospital again. She was diagnosed in Sept of 2002, 4 months before Morgan, and they have been dealing with her cancer and problems related to it CONSTANTLY since the beginning. Jennifer is now in the hospital again with an infection in her leg that is dumbfounding the doctors so far. There is some fear surrounding what it may be. She has had a bone marrow biopsy that was clear for leukemia, so they are still looking for the cause. Please pray for this family to receive a reprieve from their struggles. They are desperate for a break.

Alex’s mother came in and chatted for a little bit also. Last year, Alex received a bone marrow transplant. He relapsed a few months ago and in the process of treating him, he experienced a cardiac arrest. His heart is so damaged as a result that aggressive treatments are no longer an option. Right now he is receiving maintenance chemo and an experimental drug, but the doctors have given his family no hope. The thought of their situation so paralyzes me that I don’t even know what to pray for, but please pray nonetheless. Pray fervently.

What I find is that in the presence of other mothers such as these I feel so humbled, angry, and helpless. I have imagined some of the things that they are going through, but I know that I can never understand, and I hope I never do . . . and I know that they hope I never do either. But it makes me so sad. In the midst of our celebration of Morgan’s health, we are devastated. And there are so many in this same situation . . .

Which I suppose brings us to our Light the Night fundraiser for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Thank you so much for your support!! We have surpassed our $1000 goal with two weeks to go. The walk will be on Octobor 9th and we will put pictures up soon after. If you would like to keep up with the total or make a donation, just click here: Morgan’s Light the Night Page.

We love you all!
Laurie

Friday, September 10, 2004 4:32 PM CDT

Hello Everyone!!

Healthwise all is good here at Randeltown!!

Our most recent news is that we have developed a family team for the "Light the Night" walk benefitting The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We first set a goal of $500, but after Tony's coworkers heard about it, we were already up to $420 before I could even send out any more emails!! We have had so much support from Tony's friends at work - it is humbling. There aren't enough meaningful ways to say "Thank You!" but we certainly want to thank each and every one of you from the deepest part of our hearts!!

So we've reset the goal at $1000.00. We've sent out some more emails and are planning a garage sale and lemonade stand to help out. If we reach this goal, Morgan will get to be part of the "Bright Lights Club" at the walk on October 9th.

If you'd like to make a donation, you can do so online at:

www.active.com/donate/ltnSanAn1/MorganR

or you can send your check or money order (payable to either Tony or Laurie Randel or The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society) to:
Morgan's Light the Night Team
c/o Tony Randel
PO Box 9728
Austin, TX 78766
(or our home address if you know it)

Thank you so much for your support!!
Our deadline for donations is October 9th!

Love to all!
Laurie

Tuesday, August 24, 2004 1:42 AM CDT

July 19th????!!!! Has it really been that long since the last entry? Good grief! The problem is that all the “Caringbridge” computer time that I allow myself is spent looking at other kids’ sites. There are so many kiddos right now that need encouragement and prayers that I have a hard time allowing time for our story. I know from experience that the good stories can mean a lot especially for other cancer kid families looking for some hope.

Well, Morgan continues to do great!! We had her monthly appointment a week and a half ago and all her counts are good. Her white blood cells continue to be somewhat low (hovering around 4.0) but she’s not really getting many infections – just runny noses now and again with the occasional something worse. Her red blood and platelets are terrific. She looks and acts just as healthy as can be.

Morgan definitely enjoys a vivid imagination. It amazes me how many inanimate objects can talk if you’ll just listen to them. She’s recently taken on the responsibility of dressing herself and choosing her own clothes. She talks to her dresser as she’s opening it and apparently it gives her great suggestions about what to wear because, I must say, she seems to have a flair for coordinating her outfits.

Marlee absolutely adores Morgan and vice versa. If Marlee wakes up before Morgan, she has a very hard time letting Morgan sleep in. They play very well together (most of the time). Marlee really seems to be turning a corner – maybe coming out of the terrible twos, which for her started somewhere around 8 months old. She communicates very well and is even finding pride in being a “big helper” when she helps clean up the markers.

Morgan’s been fixated on going to the beach for a couple of months now. I’m not sure what got turned her on to the idea, but she’s been drawing pictures, writing, and talking about it often. So this past weekend, we took the girls to Corpus Christi and stayed in a hotel on the beach for one night. We took them to the Texas State Aquarium on Friday which was lots of fun. We watched the dolphin show from the “Underwater View” area which was different. We got lots of great pictures and Tony is working on getting them posted on the website.

On Saturday morning, Tony and Morgan got up before the sun came up and went out hunting for seashells. The weather and the water were just perfect. After Marlee woke up, she and I got dressed and met them on the beach for a few minutes before coming in for breakfast. After a quick meal, we went back out and spent all morning on the beach. Again, terrific pictures. We all had an amazing time. The water was shallow for a long way out, and Marlee just kept saying, “Go dat way!” and pointing out to sea. She would get to where the water came up to her chest and then dunk herself under water. She pushes my courage to the limit.
Tony and the girls built a sand castle and I got a chance to just sit out in the waves for a bit. Picture perfect . . . until . . . Morgan and Tony had gone way out – where Tony could stand, but Morgan could not. He was holding her on her tummy so that she could swim around when suddenly she started screaming. Turns out she got stung by a jellyfish. We washed it in the seawater and then went up to the hotel where they gave us some meat tenderizer to put on it. I rubbed it in (found out later that rubbing makes it hurt worse – oops) and then we let it sit for awhile. At first, Morgan was still screaming and crying and saying stuff like, “I never want to go in the ocean again!” and “It was so perfect walking way out in the water and the jellyfish ruined it!!” After about 4 minutes the screaming and crying subsided and then 10 minutes later she said, “I think I’m ready to go play again,” and ran over to work on the sandcastle and then jumped right back in the water. She had some really nasty looking rashes on her arms and a couple of wounds where the tentacles had been. We’ve been trying to keep it from getting infected and it looks to be healing nicely. She’s fine with it now. Poor baby!!

Okay, it’s very late and I’ve got to get to bed. I’m going to try to journal about the rest of our Disney trip when I can and not post it till it’s all done. I can remember the trip vividly, but I’m getting fuzzy on what I’ve already written about.

Please keep Alex, Katja, Katia, Julianna, LaKota, Spencer, Garrett, and too many others in your prayers. Morgan said today, “I wish we lived in a world with no troubles. Maybe we can fly our house over the rainbow and land on the first wicked witch and then I can throw water on the second wicked witch. Then we would live in a world with no troubles.” If only . . .

Love,
Laurie

Monday, July 19, 2004 11:50 AM CDT

Whew!

So, I took Morgan to the doctor today. She had three bloody nose episodes yesterday and this morning both eyes were very red and gummy. I thought it was just pink eye & some nose thing, but I took her in just to make sure. (I have read about masses of leukemia cells (i.e. chloroma) forming behind the eyes or behind the ears causing redness and swelling especially if there is central nervous system infiltration.)

Anyway, Dr. Lockhart said if there was something like a chloroma she would have a lot of pain, which she doesn't. She diagnosed conjunctivitis and rhinitis and gave her a few medications. Also Morgan's blood counts are all very good. Her white blood cells were 5.7 which is the best they've been in a long time. Her platelets are also good which is what I was concerned about with the bloody noses. It did seem that Dr. Lockhart was thinking viral infection but preparing for something more serious because I had her paged before the office opened and told her that we would be coming in, and by the time we got there, everybody had heard what Morgan's symptoms were.

Both Tony and I were very worried, but I think we handled it well. It's weird because I realize that we're still watching for it to happen and just really thankful when it doesn't. I put us all in comfy clothes this morning and took an extra change and Tony went to work and while he was working on his normal stuff, he was also making preparations to be gone.

Anyway, we're going to spend the rest of the day relaxing and painting or playing games or something - and just being happy that today wasn't the day.

Love to all.
Laurie

P.S. Please visit Alex's page. www.caringbridge.com/tx/alexdierking
Alex is an AML kiddo from here in Austin. He was diagnosed a few months after Morgan and has had a really rough time. He recently relapsed following his bone marrow transplant and is in need of prayers and support. He has been in the PICU at Children's Hospital for the past ten days or so. The latest report is that he is feeling better and may be able to leave the PICU and return to the green unit soon! His situation is a very serious one and I'm sure the family could use all the words of encouragement and prayers you could offer!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 0:27 AM CDT

Whew!

We’re finally slowing down and back to normal!! The last two months have been filled with activity and fun! I’ll try to get a little more of the Disney story down now before it all gets blurry!! For the first day of our trip, check the journal history.

Marlee didn’t sleep so well the first night we were there. They had two twin beds for the kids, but of course Marlee just thought they were for playing in. There was a rollaway crib (more like a bassinet), which we put up in the kids’ room. It was a little too small for Marlee, but she could still fit in it. She was over-stimulated from our day of fun, so she had some trouble getting settled. Morgan picked the bed she wanted and snuggled up with her bear and blanket and went right to sleep. We finally got Marlee to sleep, but she woke up very scared and disoriented and had a hard time getting back to sleep (which of course meant that Mommy did too!) So we were not as fresh as possible on the second day, but we are all troopers!!

The second day of our trip was Sunday. We we’re nervous about the crowd that might be at the Magic Kingdom, so we decided to go to the Animal Kingdom park first. We got up, rode the carousel, ate breakfast, rode the carousel, rode the trolley, and got ready to leave for the park. By the time we got parked, rode the tram to the front gate, & checked out a double stroller, both of the girls were ready for a nap!! We (and when I say “we” I mean “I”) over prepared so we had two big bags full of stuff to carry around and the girls wanted to be carried instead of ride in the stroller. Whew! We headed to the Kilimanjaro Safari ride, got our FastPass time, and looked for something else to do while we waited. (Little did we know that Morgan’s Give Kids the World button acted just like a fastpass ticket on the rides. We wouldn’t find that out until the third Disney day (of three). GKTW doesn’t want to abuse their relationship with Disney World so they don’t really tell you that when they give it to you.) The thing we found to do was too crowded and had tough doors to pass through with a stroller and the girls didn’t seem all that interested anyway. So we went closer to the ride we were waiting on and just waited for a little bit. Finally we got this fun jeep type bus and were driven through a VERY authentic looking zoo. They really make it look like Africa (I assume). There were some unexpected surprises on the ride and Morgan loved it!! Marlee enjoyed it too, although mostly she wanted to do whatever seemed the most dangerous – hang out of the window, try to open the little door, crawl in the leg space area and get her head bonked around – you get the picture. Anyone that knows Marlee knows that when she gets tired, she is just unreasonable, and Tony has to be the one to control her, because she is just too strong for me. Well anyway, by the time we got off that ride, it was time for lunch and for Mommy and Daddy to have a little rest! We found a good restaurant and a corner table and had a leisurely lunch!! Nope, Marlee still didn’t take a nap, but at least she had a full tummy.

After lunch we went to the Festival of the Lion King show. WOW! It was terrific! The girls were enthralled!! Now here’s where I testify to how Morgan’s illness has changed our perspective on life. Tony and I both cried most of the way through the show. Not out of frustration for the day we had had so far (ha, ha) . . . we’ve learned that those are all minor inconveniences. We cried because we were sitting with our kids doing something special. We cried because we are thankful for the days that we’ve been given that a year and half ago we thought we might not have. We cried because the music that they were singing in this magical place was the same music that we’d heard over and over again in Morgan’s hospital room. We cried because we realized that we were there as a direct result of the kindnesses of other people who cared about our family and families like ours. It was a really special show!!

One of the things that I remember from Morgan’s illness is that for the first couple of weeks following her diagnosis, she had been watching The Lion King over and over in her hospital bed. One morning, before anyone else was awake, I heard her talking to herself in her bed. She was reciting a scene from the movie. Simba had just asked his father, Mufasa, if they would always be together. Morgan was reciting Mufasa’s reply:

Mufasa: Simba . . . Let me tell you something that my father told me . . . Look at the stars. The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars . . . So whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you . . . and so will I.

I remember that because it struck me that that was the speech that was sticking with her at that time.

Being at the show with Morgan being so healthy really signified to me the possibility that that trip was the closing chapter on this whole cancer thing. I always knock on wood whenever I say anything like that and though it’s a nice thought, I have to always remember that today is what I’m thankful for.

Anyway, back to the story. After the show, we saw Donald Duck out in the courtyard. We waited in line to meet him and when Morgan walked up, he saw her Give Kids the World badge and bent down and really spent time interacting with her & Marlee and giving them kisses and hugs. They loved that. Morgan asked Donald if he knew how to swim and he nodded that he did. She had been planning to ask him that question when she saw him.

After we saw him, we got some ice cream and sat in the shade eating it. Marlee started doing this funny little thing over and over. She would stand up, make big gesticulations and say, “Day Damu, bee zee boo, amana bee zee boo, Daddy!” She did the same hand movements every time and said the same thing every time except that she would change the person at the end – it might be Mommy or Morgan. We had no idea what she was doing, but it was so cute!! It wasn’t until a week later (and she was still periodically doing the same thing) that I finally figured out that she was saying “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I’m proud to present Daddy!!” or something like that. She got it from the Lion King show. Funny, funny!

After the ice cream, we decided to visit some more characters. This was when we first learned about one of the perks of Morgan’s GKTW badge. As we were waiting in line to see the characters from Brother Bear, one of the park helpers noticed Morgan’s button and pulled us up to the front of the line. He introduced the girls to the characters and they really lavished attention on them. Afterwards, he personally walked us to all the other characters that were in the area and did the same thing. It was terrific, because the girls really enjoyed that part and Tony and I would never have had enough patience to wait to see all of them. I could tell that it was irksome to some of the other parents who had been waiting for so long and I felt bad about that, but I know if they had known the requirements for getting a badge like that, they would understand.

Next we headed to DinoLand. We rode the Triceratops ride (big fun) and then went to the Dino Playground. At first it was a little nerve racking because it was so big with so many kids running around that it was hard to keep up with where the girls were. Finally we found the Dino Dig – a big sandpit where the kids could dig for fossils. Tony and I got to rest and watch them and they had a blast playing in the sand. Morgan’s so social that she loves times like that because she gets to find other kids to play with. She always comes away from something like that talking about the new friend she made and asking me if I got their phone number so we could see them again.

By this time, we were worn out. So after the girls had played for a long time, we headed back to the car and drove back to GKTW. The girls both fell asleep on the way back, but we woke them up to eat dinner and ice cream and have a bath before we tucked them in bed. Marlee slept a little better that night. Morgan, by the way, does such an amazing job sleeping on her own. She slept in her little room all by herself every night. She’s so brave!! Lots of kids that have been through trauma like hers have trouble with sleeping alone, but that too, we’ve been spared.

Do you think it will be another month before I write about the third day? I hope not. There are only five more days of the trip to tell you about. Anyway, thanks for putting up with the minutia of our trip – I just want to make sure I get it down for Morgan and Marlee to read when they are older.

Love to all!
Laurie

P.S. Morgan had her monthly check up and all her counts are good. Dr. Lockhart says we can move to check ups every two months, but I schedule them about every six weeks just because I start to get nervous. Morgan has been in remission for 18 months now and off treatment for 14. Thanks for thinking and praying about her!!

Wednesday, June 23, 2004 11:27 AM CDT

Sorry it’s been so long since the last entry and sorry to leave you hanging on the trip so long!! However, it looks like it’ll have to wait once again.

As soon as we got home from the trip, Tony and I started a home improvement extravaganza and have been utterly consumed with it. It’s been really nice to finally make the house our own. When we moved in, Tony didn’t have a job, so we didn’t do any real decorating and then 2 months after he got a job, we found out I was pregnant with Marlee. Then, of course, 4 months after Marlee was born, Morgan was diagnosed. We had done some small things along the way, but hadn’t really focused on it until now.

Anyway, we are having Tony’s brother’s family come visit at the end of this month and the day after they leave, we will be driving to Nashville to visit my brother and grandparents. Morgan and Marlee are still doing gymnastics once a week and Morgan has been taking swimming lessons for the last two weeks. She’s loved the swimming lessons – before she was positively scared to get her face in the water, but now she is basically swimming half way across the pool and even lifting her head to take a breath. She is also jumping off the side all by herself and trying to swim back to the edge. It’s amazing to see the progress in such a short time.

Well, it’s time to be off again, so when things settle down, I’ll finish the story about our Disney trip!

Love to all!
Laurie

Monday, May 24, 2004 3:44 PM CDT

We are home from our Make-A-Wish trip and in full swing!!

The trip was AMAZING!! Make-A-Wish made arrangements for us to go to Orlando and stay at Give Kids the World Village. These two organizations now rank second in my “Favorite Charities” list!! (Children’s Hospital of Austin that saved Morgan’s life and then forgave our tremendous debt still ranks #1! ;o)) I’ll try to describe it, but I know I will fail miserably!!

Debbie from Make-A-Wish came over about a week before we were scheduled to leave with balloons, presents, T-shirts, taxi vouchers, and spending money. On Saturday, at 5:45 in the morning, we were picked up and taken to the airport, flew to Orlando, were met at the Orlando airport by a Give Kids the World volunteer, given a rental car and directed to the village. As we walked into the House of Hearts (guest registration) Morgan and Marlee were presented with presents right away as Tony and I got the keys to our two bedroom villa for the week. We walked into our cute villa to a table overflowing with candy, cookies, & chips. After getting settled in, we headed over to the Gingerbread House for our complimentary dinner. We were provided two meals a day (breakfast and dinner) every day we were there. The food was provided by Perkins Restaurants and served by volunteers. Of course before we made it inside to eat, we had to stop and look around the pool/water playground area & promise the girls that we’d go back after dinner. Then we got sidetracked at the carousel that operates all day and that the kids can ride as often as they want to. (Morgan and Marlee wanted to ride that A LOT!!) By the second day, Morgan had decided that she was the “constructor” of the carousel and it was her job to visit her animals every day and ride them to make sure that they were behaving correctly. The horses, zebras, unicorns and mer-horses were always nice and never ran over anyone, but the chickens, pigs, and the lions sometimes caused problems, she said. Of course, Marlee’s favorite were the lions and only rarely did she choose to ride something else.

Even though the kids could see from the carousel into the Castle of Miracles and were begging to go and explore that, Mommy and Daddy insisted that we have dinner first!! Eventually in the Gingerbread House, we got into the routine of sitting at the table next to the player piano that fascinated the girls. It was also next to a hearth were Morgan and Marlee liked to play Sleeping Beauty while we were waiting. Morgan would pretend that she was asleep and Marlee would kiss her to wake her. Very cute.

After dinner, we went into the Castle of Miracles. Here they had dress-up clothes, thrones, a magic mirror that gave you a crown and robe, games, toys, and a little side room that was painted like a forest and had a slide and bee hive to run in. When the lights were on the birds chirped and when the lights were off, little twinkling lights sparkled all over and you could hear crickets chirping and an owl hooting. They have stars on the ceiling from each wish child.

After playing in the Castle of Miracles, we went over to the Ice Cream Palace where ice cream is served all day long and they are happy to give the kids a large decadent sundae even for breakfast!! The girls each had a chocolate ice cream cone before we went back to get our swimming suits on and go for a swim. It was a little cold, but we swam for about an hour. Then we went back to the villa, jumped in the Jacuzzi tub big enough for all of us, had “a little warmed up milk” (Morgan’s favorite drink – we found milk in the fridge and a microwave to warm it in), and settled down for the night. What a terrific first day!!

To be continued . . . .

P.S. We finally saw the Nike Commercial on ESPN during the NBA Playoffs. It's best viewed in slow motion! ;o) You don't see Morgan's face, but you can see the back of her head as she's jumping up and down in front of the window looking out at Lance!! Our little celebrity!!

Thursday, April 22, 2004 4:46 PM CDT

Once again – all’s well with us! Hoping the same for you and yours.

Morgan’s port removal has physically been a non-event for us. She’s recovering beautifully. The steri-strip hasn’t fallen off yet and I’m sure the scar will take time to heal and fade, but we went to her follow up visit at the surgeon’s office today and he said everything looks good. She can swim, shower, play at the park, etc. with impunity!!

Emotionally, it was a little different story. A couple of days after the surgery, we were changing the dressing over the incision. When I was pulling the sticker off, it hurt her and she cried quite a lot. Once it was off, she looked at it in the mirror and yelled, “I DON’T EVER WANT TO HAVE A PORT AGAIN!!” Then Tony and I started tearing up and it ended in a family love-fest. Tony and I cuddled the girls and talked to Morgan a little about her time in the hospital and our hopes for the future. It’s tempting to tell her that she won’t have to have a port and we are all done with being sick, but instead we just tell her that that’s what we hope for and that’s the way we’ll plan it. If it turns out differently, we’ll deal with it again.

So our celebration of the end of all this will be our Make-a-Wish trip to DisneyWorld in May. We’re very excited about it and will tell you all about it when we get home. We were talking about her wish the other day at dinner and Morgan said, “You know, I have two more wishes now. I wish I never got another port and I wish I never have to stay in the hospital again.” We agree; we’d take that over DisneyWorld any day!

As for the girls activities, Morgan’s dance recital is near the end of May. Her class is 3 & 4 year olds, so I’m sure it’ll be a hoot. They’re going to be wearing these frilly pink outfits. We’ll make sure to get pictures up. She’s also still going to gymnastics and in early June will take some swimming lessons.

Marlee is doing gymnastics now too and really, really enjoys it! She has A LOT of energy and climbing, jumping, and tumbling are what she likes to do best. She’s learned how to sit in the straddle and pike positions and can walk her feet up the wall in a handstand and hold it for 10 seconds or more. She also likes doing “helicopters” & “seat-drops” on the trampoline. Lately, she’s also discovered putting things up her nose. So far she’s had peas, corn, macaroni, and broccoli. I get so scared that she’s going to get something stuck up there and it makes me so mad when she does it. The last couple of times, Tony and I washed her nose out with saline in an ear bulb syringe (like we had to do with Morgan when she was getting sinus infections) and needless to say she doesn’t like that at all. We’re hoping she’ll start to make the association. We haven’t had an incident since Sunday – knock on wood.

Not much else to report. We’re going to get to see some of my family here at the end of the month. My father is retiring this year and so some of us are going to get together to celebrate. He’s a hard worker and deserves to take it easy for awhile – although if I know him, he’ll only take a little time to relax and then find something else to busy himself with!! ;o)

Love to all!
Laurie

Wednesday, April 14, 2004 8:50 PM

Morgan’s Port Removal was a complete success!! The surgery took about 30 minutes and there were no problems! She woke up ready to play (she wanted to watch TV for the first hour or so). The port is really neat! Hopefully we’ll get the pictures up soon! Marlee stayed at Piper’s house for the day (Thank you, Piper!). When we got home, everyone but Morgan took a nap! We let Morgan play computer as much as she wanted today. She’s been on there all afternoon – I have to go make her shut it down so I can put her to bed! Thanks for checking on us!!

Two kids we saw today:
Spencer – Great news! They were able to remove his tumor with negative margins all around. Not so great news: That same night, their older daughter broke her arm requiring emergency surgery. Pray for them! You can check on his site www.caringbridge.com/tx/spencer.
Alexandria – Bad news – she has relapsed with ALL and needs a bone marrow transplant. Great News – she has 40 6 out of 6 live donor matches and 2 6 out of 6 cord blood matches!! Please pray that her transplant go smoothly and that she remain free from cancer!!

Love to all!
Team Randel

Saturday, April 10, 2004 10:24 PM CDT

Ask and ye shall receive!! Thank you Michelle from Georgia for checking up on us and for reminding me about the update!! I meant to do one earlier, but I don’t know what happened! Sometimes I use up all my computer time checking up on other kiddos and forget to tell people what’s happening here. I certainly got a warm fuzzy from your note. Thanks!!

We are just enjoying the beautiful spring weather. Tony’s been getting our lawn and garden in shape and I’ve been hunting wasps nests and telling Tony where they are. Texas seems to have an inordinate number of really mean bugs. Fire ants, red wasps, yellow jackets – oooh, scary . . . I’m getting better about it though. Tony might not think so, but I think I am. The girls are enjoying the weather too. Morgan’s been asking for us to get her backyard pool set up. It’s mostly warm enough down here!!

Last weekend my parents came to visit and we had a wonderful time together. They stayed in a hotel so that we could take the girls swimming. Morgan’s still a little cautious about water that she can’t stand up in. She always has been, but her experiences seem to have added to her reluctance to take risks. She can get her blood drawn without a flinch, but swinging high is a little challenging. She's still the bravest person I've ever known. Marlee loves to swim. She likes to jump in off the side and with her floatie swimming suit on, can kick around in the water mostly on her own. Of course she’s never more than an arms length away. Very fun. Tony and I got out to a movie which was very nice. On Sunday we went out to my Aunt Joy’s & Uncle Ken’s house to celebrate my cousin’s son’s 2nd birthday. We had a wonderful lunch, bounced in a “jumpy castle” and had an early Easter egg hunt. Fun! Fun! Fun! Last year on Easter weekend, my parents stayed with the girls for a night while Tony and I spend a night downtown. They took the girls out to Joy’s for an Easter egg hunt and we saw it on video. Morgan was just finishing up her treatment and had no hair and Marlee was just sitting on a blanket chewing on the eggs. Some years seem longer than others.

Today we went to a brunch for some of the other AML kids & their families that we’ve met. Patrick’s parents, David & Shannon hosted it at their house – he’s doing terrific!! It was such a nice brunch and it was so terrific to see everyone feeling good. This is the first time that we’ve had to see each other in that type of situation and just enjoy each other’s company. We were so thankful for the chance. One new friend we made was Radha who is also 4 and is almost 9 months post-transplant. Morgan and Radha had lots of fun together! Baby Trey (he’s not a baby anymore) was in the hospital when we were first diagnosed and went to transplant soon after that. He is one month older than Marlee and they had fun chasing each other around. Jennifer was there too! Morgan loves to play with Jennifer! Jennifer is back from her transplant which was about 4 months ago and is doing really good. She is recovering from a recent bout with the shingles, so keep her in your prayers. Sean and Alex were both diagnosed right around the time that Morgan was finishing her treatment and they both had transplants last fall. They look great and had lots of energy. We’ll get some pictures posted soon!

Morgan’s port removal is scheduled for this coming Wednesday!! Can’t believe it’s coming so soon! Her health is terrific and I’m really looking forward to her counts being top notch! She gets a few runny noses, but that’s part of being 4 years old, too. She’s supposed to start her re-immunizations in the next few months, and I’m a little nervous about that, but it has to be done.

We’re scheduled to go to Orlando on our Make-a-Wish trip at the beginning of next month. We’ll be staying at Give Kids the World, where you can order ice cream all day!! Morgan already has some flavors lined up to ask for. We talk about going to Disney World to her, but I’m sure she can’t even imagine what were talking about. It’ll be so fun!!

Last Friday we went to Children’s to film the commercial. Lots of people already know about it, so I’m not giving away any secrets. The commercial is an athletic commercial featuring Lance Armstrong. About 15 kids from the oncology clinic and a few people that work there are in it too. The commercial will air beginning May 15th and I think they said it will run during the MBA finals and at the beginnings of movies in the theaters. I’m not sure if Morgan’s face will make the final edit, but we’ll let you know once we see it. One kiddo who is kind of featured in it is 13 year old Ryan Caron. What an inspiration this guy is!! He has osteosarcoma which has claimed his right leg. He’s experienced two relapses and is currently in Houston having some spots on his lungs removed. We had the privilege of driving him to school after the shoot and got to spend some time chatting with him. He never quits smiling and maintains a fabulous optimistic attitude. Very impressive young man!! His website is www.ryancaron.com and I know he would appreciate a couple of words of encouragement in his guestbook if you get the chance.

Another cancer kiddo that we recently learned about is Joe William Sheffield. Joe William wears a beeper and every time it vibrates he knows somewhere someone is thinking about him and praying for him. You can call this toll-free number: 1-877-546-0248 and input number 733# if you wish to let Joe know you're thinking about him! It’s a really neat idea that his church has set up for him and his family to help them feel supported during his treatment. Here is Joe's website: http://www.fbctifton.org/JoeWilliam/Default.asp

Please pray for Jake G.’s family. Jake’s spirit was set free on Thursday morning. He was a gorgeous 5 ½ year old boy and had been diagnosed with Diffuse Pontine Glioma just before his third birthday. His website is: http://www.caringbridge.com/page/jakegriffin/
I’m sure his family would appreciate your prayers and thoughts of comfort.

This whole experience encompasses lots of ups and downs! Although I would never wish it on anyone and I would never wish to go through it again, I can say that my appreciation for the preciousness life has to offer is so much more vivid now than it ever was before. Cherish each moment!!

Love to all!
Team Randel

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 2:32 PM CST

Last Friday, we had our monthly appointment at the oncology clinic.
Morgan’s counts were
WBC: 3.8
HGB: 12.6
PLT: 269
39 percent neutrophils
Normal ranges are:
WBC: 4.0 – 12.0
HGB: 11.5 – 14.5
PLT: 150 - 450

In looking around on the net, I’ve seen some different range numbers for normal counts – I even saw one normal WBC range that started at 3.0 & sometimes I’ve also seen the normal range starting at 5.0. So there’s some disagreement, but generally speaking, I think these are what our office uses. The white blood cell count seems lower than I’d like, but I did a little research and found out that the antibiotic (Bactrim) that Morgan’s been taking for the past year can sometimes cause low white cell counts. She was taking it as a precautionary measure, and Dr. Lockhart gave the OK for her to stop it now, so maybe by next month, her counts will be a little more solid. I’ve scheduled Morgan’s port removal surgery for April 14th and they will do another bone marrow aspiration & lumbar puncture for biopsy at the same time. We’re starting to think about breathing out, but we don’t want to get too comfortable so our fingers are most assuredly remaining crossed. I also found out that the countdown to cure (5 years out) technically starts at the date of remission, not at the off-treatment date. The longer the remission, the better the odds of remaining healthy. Morgan has been in remission for 14 months & 19 days and she has been off treatment for 11 months. Hope, hope, hope. I did read today about a kiddo with AML who was in remission for 4 years before relapsing; it just reminds me to take it one day at a time.

Another source of joy comes from the fact that there have not as yet been any signs of psychologic or physiologic problems. Balance, learning ability, sleeping issues, etc. – all not a problem so far. We will not find out, of course, until far into the future if fertility has been affected, but we are consciously trying to reframe how we talk about things like being a mommy so that if in the future she has fertility related problems that Morgan will realize that adoption is an absolutely normal way of becoming a mom. Morgan has insisted for the longest time that all she wants to be when she grows up is a mommy. On Friday for the first time, just before we got in the car to go to the clinic she said, “Mom, I think I want to be a mommy AND a doctor.” I think she was thinking about seeing Dr. Lockhart and to me that really shows how much love Morgan has for her.

This coming Friday, we’re going to the hospital to for the filming of a commercial that Morgan and a few other kids are going to be in. Again, we can’t say too much about it just yet, but a popular Austin area athlete is going to be in it too. She was so cute at the audition – she didn’t even really know she was auditioning for anything, she was just being Morgan. Cute, cute cute!!

Love to all!
Team Randel

Tuesday, March 23, 2004 7:22 PM CST

We just got back from Children's where we signed a confidentiality agreement regarding the news that used to appear in this paragraph. We don't know if we're going to be in the previously mentioned thing yet, but we should find out in the next couple of days and we won't (officially) let you know! ;o)

(From Sunday, March 21st)
Other than that, we have no new news. Morgan goes in next Friday for her monthly check up. She’s been feeling great and has even gotten rid of her small cold of late. We went to the Inner Space Cavern yesterday and had a nice time on the tour. Marlee would have preferred running around and climbing all over stuff to waiting around in a big group for the lady to finish talking, but our theme song to her right now is, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” We waited for awhile before it was time for the tour and there were lots of nice rocks and fossils to look at, a playscape to play on, and an area for panning for gold. They sell bags with various gems or fossils in them that you can use for panning, but even though we didn’t buy any of that, Morgan found a tiny piece of gold in some of the run off sluice that was left by other visitors. I think it’s more fun finding treasure that way, don’t you? Morgan had lots of fun. On the tour, she found some older girls that fascinated her and tried to keep up with them as much as possible. Now that she is 4, which she reminds us of several times daily, she is wanting more autonomy and many times felt brave enough to walk away from us. She got a little nervous a couple of times when all the grown-ups’ legs looked the same. (Of course we were watching her the whole time.) It’s bittersweet. I don’t necessarily look forward to the day she stops turning around to see if we are there.

Speaking of that, Tony told me that the other night as he was tucking Morgan in, she said, “Daddy, I’ve been thinking about a question. When do you know that you are a grown-up?” As they talked about it, he realized that she was saying that she knew she is a kid now, but that one day she’d be a grown-up and she was wondering how she would know when that changed. It’s a good question.

Tony’s birthday was last week. My present was late getting here and I still haven’t found time to make him the cheesecake he asked for, but he said it was happy anyway. Morgan bought him a book that she was sure he would like to read to her and both girls sang “Happy Birthday” to him about 30 times. Marlee’s version was more like, “Hapbir day to oo, Daddy!” repeated again and again until we found her pacifier. You can’t imagine how cute!! She also got into the storage box for gift bags and found lots of “pesents” for him. Morgan was very bothered that I didn’t have a cake for him on his birthday and has been appalled at me each day that goes by without it being done. She’s equally upset that it going to be a cheesecake and not a pink frosted cake. She insists that pink cake is his favorite even while he is telling her otherwise. She does like to help me bake. Her favorite part of making a cheesecake is making the crust when we mix the graham cracker crumbs and butter up by squeezing it through our fingers. Those are precious moments.

Hope all is well with you all. Stop by www.sharethelove.org if you have a minute. Donate blood and platelets, get registered on the bone marrow registry and donate cord blood if you have it!! ;o)

Love to all!
Laurie (for Team Randel)

Saturday, March 13, 2004 11:21 PM CST

Our Caringbridge friend Abby's spirit was set free yesterday, March 12th. She fought a long and terrible fight and from the description on her webpage her passing was very peaceful.

Her website is www.caringbridge.org/va/abbyallies

Hug them tighter, hold them longer, be quick to forgive, smile at them every day, kiss them before they go to sleep, make sure they know you love them . . .
. . . be thankful for the days you are given.

Tuesday, March 9, 2004 8:08 AM

I wanted to tell you about a terrific website that found us this past week.
www.sharethelove.org
It’s a website that has links to lots of different Caringbridge & “Caringbridge-type” sites where you can monitor the progress of other kids like Morgan (adults too) and maybe leave messages of love and encouragement for them. The website is very well organized and it’s very easy to tell who needs a little extra tender loving care by visiting the “Needs TLC” link. The website is run by the family of another childhood cancer victim (currently off treatment! ;o)) and they are doing a tremendous service by linking families up with people who are willing to send small messages of hope and encouragement when they need it most. There’s also an “Angel” section for the families whose children have passed on. Lots of people shy away from those sites because they are heart-wrenching to read, but as I’ve contemplated being in their situation, I can imagine that this is just the time that they need as many small acts of kindness as they can get. Please visit this site when you can. It’s a real ministry to families in need.

Thanks!
Laurie

Thursday, March 4, 2004 2:55 PM CST

All’s well at the Randel house. We did not have to have an IVIG treatment and Morgan can still get her port out when we are ready. I think we’re going to wait until our April appointment to do so – her last chemo treatment was at the end of April last year. She’s not having recurrent infections so even though her IgG count was low, they will not do anything out of the ordinary. She was having recurrent ear infections before, but that seems to have resolved itself.

We still watch terribly close. Every bruise, every nap, every small change in eating is suspicious. I guess it will be like that for a very long time. We live somewhere between being very, very excited that we might be done with all this and scared that we’re not. Faithfully hopeful, I suppose you could say. Sometimes we think we might be seeing some residual psychological effects from last year – bad dreams, a sometimes “desperate” need for affirmation – but nothing too serious & it could be just normal 4-year-old stuff too.

Morgan has been working hard on reading and handwriting. She learns very quickly & really seems to enjoy herself. Her favorite thing to do is art. She draws and colors constantly and even takes a clipboard with her when we go to the park. Marlee is more and more communicative. The other day she came over and in Marlee-speak (which probably only Tony & I can understand just yet) she said, “I be careful.” I said, “What will you be careful about?” “I get the telephone,” she said. She was asking if she could climb up and reach the telephone that is mounted above the bar in the kitchen. At least she asked. (Of course, I said, “No” and got a play phone for her instead.) That girl and telephones . . . she's only 19 months old . . . it’s starting early. She knows all the sounds to the letters and can recognize capital letters, can count to twelve, and knows the names of a few shapes. Colors are still a mystery to her – everything is yellow. I think she just likes to say “yellow.” Both girls love to be read to, so we do quite a bit of reading.

Please continue to pray for Abby. She is stable for now, but definitely not out of the woods. www.caringbridge.com/va/abbyallies
LaKota’s family has recently learned that she has relapsed with AML. Her family’s story is a tragic one as LaKota is the second child to have developed cancer in their family. Their first child, Cody, passed away from the same type of cancer. They are devastated at this latest news and need prayers and words of encouragement. Her web address is www.caringbridge.org/mn/laplafcan
Jennifer (our friend from Austin) is finally home. She gets weekly check-ups alternating between Houston and Austin. Continue your prayers for her total health!!

Love to all!
Laurie

Sunday, February 22, 2004 10:48 AM CST

We had Morgan’s monthly appointment with Dr. Lockhart on Thursday. She had a great check-up. Her counts were:

White Blood Cells: 4.5
Hemoglobin: 12.6
Platelets: 290
Neutrophils: 36.3%
Immunoglobulin: 407

The immunoglobulin is a little low, but we won’t find out until Monday if we need to go in for another infusion. Everything else is within the normal range. The WBC are at the low end of normal, but they say it can take a long time for them to come all the way back. We had talked again about taking her port out, but that was because her IGG levels have not been too low since November, so now we’ll probably wait again.

Both girls have been feeling good. Runny noses, but they seem to resolve themselves normally, so I don’t get too worried. Morgan’s been getting lots of little bumps and bruises lately, but it’s because she’s quite active. She heals very quickly & I’ve been able to tell where all the bruises have come from for you cancer mom’s out there that just gave a little gasp! ;) Morgan was racing with her daddy very hard Friday and fell and scraped up both knees. It hurt for a little bit, but she got over it very quickly – which I like to see. It’s nice to know that she doesn’t panic about things like that. When we first came home from the hospital, we were so worried about her that she started to pick up on that and really fret about every little bump. Her fall Friday was a very “normal” kid event.

In fact, I think that Morgan is beginning to forget lots of what happened last year. We looked at some of the pictures of nurses and friends at the hospital and the only ones she really remembers are Dr. Lockhart and Nurse Jennifer (from the clinic). She didn’t even seem to remember her beloved Nurse Chandra. She remembers her when we talk about her, but didn’t remember her by picture. After our appointment Thursday, we went up to the Hem-Onc wing of the hospital to visit the nurses. Morgan did recognize Nurse Jan, who was the only one I really recognized either. We did see a few members of the support staff that we knew, but so many have changed. It’s kind of sad that she is forgetting these people that were so, so instrumental in her life, but it also signifies that life is back to normal. I think it’s important, though, for us to go and visit when we can for our sake and to let the people that work up there see how well she’s doing. We haven’t done anything special to say, “Thanks!” to them yet, but I so want them to see that their care and diligence gave Morgan her life back. It’s no small thing that they do and I know they don’t always get to see the great parts.

Urgent prayer request: Abby O. is another little AML kiddo who has had an unbelievably terrible fight with this disease and is currently very, very sick. Please pray for her total health and for strength and endurance to continue fighting. Here is her website: www.caringbridge.org/va/abbyallies
Abby was in remission & off treatment for just over 10 months prior to her first relapse. Morgan has just hit the 10 month off-treatment mark. Please continue your prayers for Morgan as well.

Thanks for checking on us!
Love to all.
Team Randel

Saturday, February 14, 2004 11:33PM CST

Thanks for the snow! We got about 1.5 inches of snow and spent the morning running through it and MAKING A SNOWMAN!! It took every last bit of snow from our yard (and a little from the neighbor's). Morgan's favorite part was putting the carrot on for the nose! This morning Marlee did the classic double take when she first looked out the window! They say it's the best snow around here in the past 10 years! The whole neighborhood came over to take pictures beside our snowman! (Tony's a master snowman builder!!) We'll get pictures up soon!

Love to all!
Laurie

Thursday, February 12, 2004 10:43 AM CST

All’s well at the Randel house. It’s been rainy and cold(ish) here so we haven’t spent a lot of time outside, but we sure are reading lots of books!! It would be nice if some of this rain were some snow so we could build a snowman. I know anyone up north would gladly give us some if they could!

Morgan’s loving dance and gymnastics. She has a recital scheduled in May. I’m quite anxious to see what she’s learning – there’s no “spying” window during her class. She doesn’t really show me much when she gets home. She’s started staying for lunch at gymnastics. That puts her there from 9am to 2pm. This week they had a Valentine exchange which was lots of fun for her!! What was not so fun was that a playhouse tipped over and smacked her on the side of the head, apparently pretty hard. It left a good-sized red mark and bump. As the teacher was telling me about it, I initially tried to downplay it, but then after I got Morgan in the car, I found myself running back in to ask more questions. I wanted to make sure that the size of the bonk matched the size of the mark it left and that it hadn’t grown or anything. It’s frustrating that I have to be “over-paranoid” about seemingly little things, but for a kid with a good chance of relapse, nothing is little. The mark looks much better today and I’m not worried. From what I saw, Morgan was never bothered by it. She had a little headache last night and actually asked for some medicine, but whenever I asked her about it she said, “Yeah, it hurt, but I’m okay now!”

I’ve started working with Morgan on a book called “Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons.” She’s so ready for it and after having taught first grade, it seems to me like this is a good method especially for using at home. The first few lessons are very easy which makes learning how to take a lesson from your mommy that much easier.

Marlee sure is a pistol!! Yesterday she was bent on playing with the telephone. After I took the one from the bedroom away from her and sent her out of the room, I walked into the living room to find her up on top of a 3 foot tall table trying to get to the other phone. I gave her the box of play phones that we have for her, but she wanted the ones with the dial tones! Later, when she was in the bathtub, she had a cup that she was filling and emptying. She started trying to fill it and dump it out onto the floor so I said sternly, “Marlee, keep the water in the tub; don’t put it on the floor!” She looked up with a clever grin and started trying to fill the cup and throw the water on me!! Little pill!! Needless to say bathtime was over, but I certainly couldn’t keep from giggling! I swear – she’s going to turn this world upside down!

That about sums it up for us this week! Not much but the glorious routine of everyday life. Love the little things!!

Team Randel

Tuesday, February 3, 2004 5:00 PM CST

What a busy weekend. My grandmother, Marfabelle Bradshaw, fought hard to recover from her heart surgery, but in the end it was too hard and her spirit was set free on Thursday, January 29th. Tony and the girls and I traveled on Friday to Kansas once again to be with family as we celebrated Marfa’s life. It was good to see everyone and to reflect on the amazing strength and love that Marfa emitted to those around her throughout her life. The funeral service was a beautiful tribute and testimony to the wonderful mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother that she is.

We got back home around 2:30 this morning and Tony was up and off to work only slightly later than normal. We’ll spend the first part of this week resting up and reestablishing our routine. It’s nice that we have an at-home routine to reestablish. Please keep praying for those kids and families whose “routine” is anything but.

FYI –
You can go to www.childhoodcancerawareness.org and request a free gold ribbon lapel pin in the effort to help raise awareness about the devastating effects of childhood cancer.

Love to all.
Laurie

Monday, January 26, 2004 1:15 PM CST

CORD BLOOD DONATION INFORMATION: www.cryo-intl.com

A possible New Year’s Resolution: to update the journal at least once a week. I’m not making any promises, but I’ll try to be regular about this.

Last week we spent our time getting back into our routine after all the activity over the last month. We finally got the Christmas decorations ready for storage and even cleaned out a few extra boxes. Tony worked hard on the garage and we’re ALMOST ready to be able to get a car back in there! ;D

Morgan went back to dance class and gymnastics and was able to stay the whole time. (The week before, we missed dance class because my keys were missing and she was only at gymnastics for a few minutes before she urped from the beginning of a stomach virus.) The gymnastics she’s going to now is a mother’s day out program that lasts three hours one morning a week. The actual gymnastics lesson is still only 45 minutes long, but there is time for coloring and games with other kids. Morgan LOVES it. The only part she doesn’t like is leaving. For a little bit extra, you can bring a sack lunch and stay for another couple of hours. Morgan has been quite upset both times that she can’t sit and eat with the others, so I think we’ll have to try that this week. Marlee and I’ve been having fun by ourselves for that time too, but whenever we get in the car and Morgan’s not there, Marlee points at her chair and says, “Morgee, whe au yu?” She definitely misses Morgan. They have developed a terrific relationship and show each other lots of love!!

I don’t have much more to report but I will brag a little, if I may. Morgan is beginning to sound out words and Marlee knows most of the letters, letter sounds, and numbers. They’re both so smart. I’m not bragging on myself mind you, because most of it comes from stuff they watch on TV!!

Here are the names of some other kiddos that could use a few immediate prayers:

Jennifer
Alex
Emma
Katia
Michelle
Cade
Christine
Abby
Ashley
Ryan
Kaycey

And my grandmother, Marfa, who is struggling to recover from her heart surgery.

If you would like to visit the websites of some of the above kiddos, you can find links to them on Katia’s site:
http://www.caringbridge.org/fl/katia_leukemiapage/

Love to all!
Laurie

Monday, January 19, 2004 1:13 PM CST

We just got home from a terrific trip to Kansas!! My cousin, Terry Bradshaw, got married over the weekend to Angie Hawkins. It was a beautiful wedding and lots and lots of fun!! The girls loved seeing the family and making some new friends. They got tons of attention, which they can never seem to get enough of, and got to go swimming 3 times!! We also made it up to Topeka to see some of Tony’s family on Sunday. I love it when out of town family gets to play with the girls and know them better in person. I also love to see the girls start to associate faces with names. It’s like they get these cards and gifts from “mystery” people and even though we talk about family and show them pictures, it’s just not the same as spending time together.

I like how this experience has shown us how important it is to make the effort to make those ties. It would have been a lot easier to stay home this weekend, but a little lost sleep is nothing compared to time together with family. Insert your own smarmy Mastercard commercial here. ;o)

My grandmother, Marfabelle, is scheduled for her heart surgery this Wednesday. Please take a moment to say a prayer for her successful surgery and quick and easy recovery. The wedding was tough on her emotionally with the impending surgery and her need to rely on others for help, as well as the fact that Terry’s dad, Bill, passed away 14 years ago and was only able to attend the wedding in spirit. Incidentally, Bill’s twin, Bob, also passed nine months after Bill. Even though we came close, I can only imagine what it’s like to lose a child of any age, much less two. Marfa is optimistic, though, about her surgery and seemed to gain strength from this weekend’s activities.

We did not get the chance to see Tony’s sister, Denise, this weekend as she has moved back to Hays, KS. The treatment for her cancer is completed and all seems well. Please pray that she remain cancer-free!!

So, if anyone is still reading these updates, please sign the guestbook and let us know! We love to hear from you!

Love to all!
Laurie

P.S. I just found a link to a place that will accept cord blood donations from anywhere in the US for no cost to the donor. Here's the link: http://www.cryo-intl.com/
Don't let your doctor talk you out of it; cord blood is a lifesaver!!

Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:13 PM CST

Whew! Morgan had her birthday party on Saturday. We had a terrific time!! Since Morgan loves to play with horses, we had a western theme complete with pony rides and a petting zoo! Morgan loved the petting zoo the most, but did find time in her schedule for a couple of pony rides. She looked “old hat” at it almost. Marlee had her first pony ride too and loved the animals for a little bit, but then she just wanted to go in and out of the gate. We also had some side activities like “Panning for Gold” in the sandbox and a little horse art activity. Tony made a bunch of really cute little signs to turn the climber/slide into an Old West Town. It looked great, but soon the kids found out that they could pull the signs off and fling them. Oh well, whatever’s fun!!

This week we will go in for our monthly check up. We’ll also be preparing for a trip to Kansas. My cousin is getting married near Wichita and we are going to try to hook up with some of Tony’s family in Topeka as well. Marlee’s been a little under the weather, so we’re hoping she’s feeling terrific by this weekend.

I have a new prayer request. My grandmother, Marfabelle Bradshaw, recently found out that she has to have heart surgery, AGAIN, to repair a leaking mitrovalve that was put in around 4 years ago. It’s a very tough surgery, but she’s a very tough woman. She has informed the doctors that they will not be doing the surgery before this weekend’s wedding and made sure, from the hospital, that the silver shoes she ordered would be here in time. I hate to see her endure this again, both in body and spirit, and ask that you pray with us for a quick, easy recovery.

It was one year ago yesterday that Morgan was declared in remission and released from the hospital after her initial diagnosis. Relatively speaking in the AML world, since that time, she has had an AMAZINGLY easy time with all of this. She weathered the rest of the chemo treatments without serious infections or toxicity, and now the only way you can tell by looking at her is a small bump (her port-a-cath which will come out soon) & a few tiny scars. Our odds don’t improve until after May and she’s not considered cured for another 4 years, but WOW we are thankful & hopeful!

Here’s to a great 2004!!

Love to all.
Team Randel

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 5:31 AM CST

Morgan had a great birthday yesterday! I can't believe our little baby is 4-years old already! Laurie made a carrot cake (Morgan's fav) and I decorated it with icing carrots. Haley and Cole came over to play and have cake and then we let Morgan watch "The Lion King," staying up way past her bedtime. She got a bike for her birthday, among many other thoughtful gifts from our families. We are a thankful bunch here at Camp Randel.

The birthday party is this weekend. Since, a year ago, we weren't even sure we were going to make it this far, we've pulled out a few of the stops and are having a pony ride and a petting zoo. Laurie has been working on a farm/cowgirl theme, complete with a mess of cowboy hats and bandanas, panning for gold, a jailhouse, hay-bales, etc.

Morgan has been mulling over what "death" means lately. Laurie related the story of Jesus and how Morgan reacted. Well, the next night, Morgan asked me "Daddy, when gramma Gwen died, did you look for her?" I said, "Oh, no, honey - she wasn't lost, she was gone." I hadn't even gotten the words out of my mouth before Morgan burst out sobbing and was inconsolable for a few minutes. We've chosen not to go into detail about little Max (Max's Site), allowing her just to know that he "is" sick with the same sort of leukemia that she had. In fact, I'm not sure there's anything to be gained at this time in her life to tell her ANY more about her illness and, especially, the other kids out there who are fighting and sometimes losing the same battle she has had. She doesn't need to be worrying about such weighty matters. Laurie and I will have to discuss that.

Things are going well. Marlee is funnier and more entertaining every day (and for what other reason do we have kids, anyway?). She is still a munchkin - not even close to being able to pedal the trike that Santa brought. I had really came to expect better planning from Santa.

We are happy and healthy and are even beginning to look outside ourselves and think "what can we do to help?" That's a sure sign of progress.

Let's have an excellent 2004, what do you say?

Team Randel

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 10:07 PM CST

What a wonderful Christmas!!! Tony & I stayed up until 1:00 am Christmas Eve getting everything ready, woke up several times throughout the night to check the clock, and I finally got out of bed at 6:30 am after lying awake for an hour. Tony got up soon after and we thought for sure the girls would wake up by 7:00. My sister & brother-in-law got up, my parents arrived and we all waited!! Finally about 8:15 we couldn’t stand it anymore, so Tony went in and woke the girls up to see what Santa had brought!

At first they didn’t really approach the toys, just looked at them until we told them the toys were theirs and they could play with them. Once Morgan got the idea, she started opening all the gifts – and didn’t seem to care if they were for her or not. Finally we gave her the Santa hat and she really got into passing out all the gifts. Both girls had a terrific time opening their presents and we played all morning long. We haven’t really had a Christmas like that yet. Morgan’s first two she was still a little young to really grasp the whole concept and last year we were in the hospital. Although she understood the idea, she didn’t really feel good enough to enjoy it. I remember after I had lain awake for a couple of hours staring at the small fiber optic tree my mom had brought waiting for Morgan to wake up, Morgan roused and sleepily asked me to turn the Christmas lights off so she could sleep some more. She didn’t really wake up or feel like opening presents until Santa himself walked through the door with her longed-for scooter. What a difference a year has made!!

For lunch we went over to my Aunt Joy and Uncle Ken’s house where they had prepared a delicious Christmas feast! I have to say that now as a mother, I am astounded by all the work that goes into preparing for the holidays! The thing that amazes me is how my grandmothers and mother and aunts can do all of this with such style and grace! I always feel like I’m coming apart at the seams, and I never even come close the presentation they do. Anyway, I tip my apron to you all and hope that your savior-faire will, with time and practice, have rubbed off a little on me.

After fun, food, and games – not to mention some goats, cows, and a donkey (Joy & Ken live in the country) – Morgan, Marlee, and I went swimming at my parent’s hotel. The girls had a blast and it was good to be having so much fun together! Marlee is a little fish and loved “jumping” off the side, hanging on to the side kicking her feet and being thrown in the air and caught just before she went under. I have to work really hard to keep a hold of her – she wants to be on her own already.

Marlee fell asleep on the way home, and Morgan (who had been having far too much fun to eat much all day) decided when we got home that she was a little hungry. As she was eating her late dinner, I was sitting at the table having yet ANOTHER piece of pie, and Tony was watching a history channel show about the Bible in the background. Out of the blue, our conversation was as follows:

Morgan: “Mommy, how did Jesus die?”
Mommy: “He died on a cross.”
Morgan: “What’s a cross?”
Mommy: “It’s one of those big things that looks like a “t” like the one that hangs up in the front of Mimi & Pop’s church.”
Morgan: “Oh, yeah. But why did he die on a cross?”
Mommy: “The Bible says that some men pretended like Jesus was a bad man so that he would be hung on a cross until he died.”
Morgan: “But how did they hang him on the cross?”
Mommy: “Well, they took some nails, you know, like the ones Daddy hammers into wood, and they hammered the nail into his hands and nailed him to the cross.”
Morgan (A look of fear and tears welling in her eyes): “But how did he die?”
Mommy (Trying to be delicate): “Well, he hung there for a long time until he couldn’t get enough air to breathe. It was a terrible way to die.”
Morgan (Holding back the tears): “You have to have a lot of air to live.”
Mommy: “Yes. It’s okay to feel sad about that.”
She began to cry.
I moved to sit with her and hold her.
Daddy (Just entering the conversation): “Morgan, what is it that’s making you cry?”
Morgan (Still crying very hard): “Jesus died. They hung him on a cross until he couldn’t breathe anymore.”
Daddy: “Yes, honey, they did.”
Mommy: “But do you know what? The Bible says that Jesus was dead for only three days, and that after that he woke up. And the Bible says that he did that so that we can have hope.”
Morgan: “But is he alive now?”
Mommy: “Yes he is. He lives in our hearts and is part of God.”
Daddy: “That feels good to think about, doesn’t it.”
Morgan (Drying her tears): “Yes, Daddy. He lives in our hearts.”
Daddy: “Yes he does, baby.”

Now I know like that sounds like a story I read in an inspirational book somewhere, but as I live and breathe that’s mostly how it went. We went on to talk about Grandma Gwen, who died one month before Morgan was born and who we have told Morgan about before. Morgan asked if Grandma Gwen woke up after she died and we explained that regular people don’t wake up, that that’s what made Jesus special. We talked about how we believe that even though Grandma Gwen’s body didn’t wake up, that her spirit went to be with God, and that we believe that one day, after we have lived LONG, rich lives, when we die, that our spirits will get to be together again someday. She truly grieved for Jesus and for Grandma Gwen. It was remarkable. I feel so blessed to be one of two people chosen to know Morgan so well. She is so special. What an ending to a wonderful Christmas day!!

Some updates:
Jennifer is feeling better, but still in the hospital.
Katia is beginning the process of transplant. Katia's Leukemia Page
The little cutie, Max, who I wrote about a little while back, passed away on December 27th. I know his family would appreciate some words of encouragement in their guestbook. Max Adams' Site

There are so many stories. I’ve been surfing around finding lots of other kid’s sites and trying to leave comments in the guestbooks. The community support created through reading even a small comment goes a long way to helping these families stay afloat through such rough times.

Blessings and a Happy, Healthy New Year to all!
Laurie

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 1:07 PM CST

It seems I am only updating nowadays when I’m feeling sad or profound. Well, none of that today – not much anyway.

We’re busy getting ready for Santa to come. On Christmas Eve, my family will come to our house for dessert, hot drinks & caroling. On Christmas day, we will go to my aunt’s house for dinner and time together! We will not get to see all the family this Christmas, but will absolutely be thinking about all of them.

My aunt has a family famous recipe for Christmas cookies that we made and decorated this weekend. Morgan and Marlee had a blast doing that and got quite messy.

More prayer requests:

Jennifer, our AML friend, has been in Houston undergoing a bone marrow transplant for the last 2 ½ months. They had hopes of coming home for Christmas, but due to fever and pain they will not be able to. Please pray for relief for Jennifer and that her engrafting continues to go well. She has had such a rough road and her entire family is in dire need of some peace and good news!!

Here’s a website to visit: http://www.caringbridge.org/fl/katia_leukemiapage

Katia is a little girl a little younger than Morgan who, after a long search for an appropriate bone marrow match, is finally preparing for transplant. Her mother, Tracy, maintains a wonderful website for Katia and includes on it many links to other families whose children are battling cancer right now. If you ever feel like you would like to pray more often, just visiting her website will give you plenty of prayer fodder.

Wishing everyone a very, very Merry Christmas!!

Team Randel

Friday, December 12, 2003 12:27 AM CST

Well I didn’t update on December 5th, the one-year anniversary of Morgan’s diagnosis. Morgan feels terrific! Other than a couple of ear & sinus infections, which don’t even really slow her down, she hasn’t felt bad since before May. She is really enjoying dance and gymnastics and is gaining back all the strength and coordination that she lost. She loves to color and draw and Tony and I really think she has a talent in that area (of course). Marlee is thriving! She is a very coordinated 16-month-old and loves to climb and slide. She says around 75 to 100 words and is even beginning to put two words together. She’s smart and determined and happy and all-around adorable.

At first I felt really great about that day coming up because things are so different for us this year. But then I really bottomed out. The memories came rushing back and the uncertainty for the future overwhelmed me. I started looking around on the internet at some of the other cancer kiddos websites and found one in particular that just has me reeling in pain for the whole family. Max was diagnosed w/ AML last September one month before his third birthday (just like Morgan). He relapsed, had a bone marrow transplant, and has relapsed again and his family has recently been told that there are no other treatments available. His is unfortunately just one more story out of hundreds.

This made it clear to me just what we have so far been spared and while I am immeasurably thankful for that, my heart breaks for all these other families and comes pouring out my eyes several times a day. For a few days I thought I was going crazy because I just couldn’t seem to get my emotions under control. Last year, the first couple of weeks after Morgan was diagnosed, my emotions fluctuated so wildly and I started to believe that she was Jesus reincarnated. She had holes in her hands and feet from the IV’s, scars on her side from the bone marrow aspirations, her hair was falling out creating a “crown of thorns,” my cousin’s daughter had had hip surgery as a baby in the same hospital a few years earlier (“preparing the way”), “wise” people were bringing her gifts, etc. I began to hear the air conditioning in the building “warning” me when infections were brewing within Morgan’s body. I’ve since found out that it’s similar to what they call “ICU psychosis.” So last week, knowing that mental instability is possible for me, I started to worry a little.

Coincidentally, I’ve been reading “The Catcher in the Rye,” by J.D. Salinger. I’d never read it before. It’s about the death of innocence. Holden Caulfield sees the injustices of life including his own brother’s death to leukemia and has a mental breakdown. He describes how he wants his job to be the catcher in the rye.

“. . . I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all.”

I just finished the book last night. I realized that that’s what I’m longing for too. I want innocents to be able to keep their innocence and not fall off the cliff of hardship and pain. I also realized that Holden was the sanest person in the book. I’m not crazy for feeling immense sadness about the terrible things in life. But it is important to enjoy and be happy about the terrific things and not miss them. I just have to allow time for both.

I would encourage you to remember, not just during the holiday season, but make a commitment for the upcoming year to give true gifts to those in need. Donate blood, get your name on the bone marrow registry, volunteer at a hospital or nursing home, the list is endless. Pray about it and listen to the call of your heart.

Please keep Max’s family in your thoughts and prayers.
Here is Max’s website: www.caringbridge.org/mn/madams
Love to all!
Team Randel

Friday, November 28, 2003 9:17 PM CST

Talk about being thankful . . .

We spent a wonderful day at home yesterday. While Tony worked in the garage on some shelves for the girls’ playroom, I made my grandmother’s coffee cake recipe, and we watched the parade on TV. After breakfast, Morgan, Marlee and I went on a walk down to the entrance of our development where there are some rosemary bushes. The girls collected fall leaves along the way and I snagged a few sprigs of rosemary for the turkey. We came back and the girls colored and played together while I made the meal. After lunch we all sat down in the living room for a rest and just enjoyed being together. Later, the girls helped me bake a cake just like the one Tony's mom used to make for birthdays.

I remember last December in the hospital – Morgan had a book about a little girl with cancer and at the end of the book the little girl had grown her hair back and was playing in her living room in front of the fireplace getting a pony ride from Daddy with her brother and sister playing nearby. I remember lying awake in the middle of the night on a thin pad on the floor listening for hours to the nine-month old baby in the room next to us who was scheduled for surgery the next day scream desperately from hunger and pain. I woke Marlee, who was sleeping beside me, and made her nurse a little to relieve the swelling caused by the tortured baby’s cries. At that moment, I couldn’t imagine a hell worse than what we were in, where in the quiet moments in our own room, when sleep was actually possible, I was forced to tune out the horror surrounding us. I know there are worse things, but thankfully I can only imagine. But the picture of the family at home seemed like heaven to me, and it seemed then so far away.

As I write this, Marlee is sleeping peacefully after a full and fun day and Tony and Morgan are sitting in front of the fire while Tony reads to Morgan from Aesop’s fables. I’m going to go and join them . . .

Happy Thanksgiving from the Randels!

Thursday, November 6, 2003 10:42 PM CST

. . . and the blessings keep coming.

To expand on Tony’s message from a couple of weeks ago regarding the debt relief that we have been granted:

As previously mentioned, Seton (or the Daughters of Charity?), the corporation behind Children’s Hospital of Austin, has brought our hospital debt of over $200,000 to just over $5000, $3000 of which we have already paid. That leaves only around $33,000 total in bills (combined with the doctors offices and labs) that we are still responsible for – absolutely doable!!

Especially doable because the Blood Donation Coupons that people have donated will more than likely give us an additional $4000 AND we very recently received a large donation from friends in Chicago (see www.randelfamily.com for the full story). With all of the donations that we received earlier, we have been able to pay for medications for Morgan that were not covered, for enough payments toward our bills to keep any collectors at bay, and for a few extras that have made things easier for Morgan and Marlee, as well as having a reserve to use in case of emergency. With these latest donations, we should be able to pay off all but two bills making the management of the bill paying easier and will then be able to set up monthly payments with the two remaining offices. It may still take 8 years or so to pay it off, but we do so gladly. We will also continue to maintain a small reserve in case of the “r” word.

Our most important blessing of late is that Morgan’s blood counts continue to improve. She is still somewhat immune suppressed, but that is normal for kids like her. She is sleeping well, eating well, and has lots of energy. She is really enjoying dance and gymnastics classes and we’re considering some piano or Spanish. She spends lots of time playing with her horses and other figurines and she and Marlee get along fabulously (most of the time).

Her immune suppression has made her more susceptible to infection and she has been getting a few sinus and ear infections, but nothing too serious. We have found out that her immunoglobulin counts are low which means that she needs a monthly infusion of IVIG. It’s somewhat of an ordeal as one infusion represents approximately 50,000 donors and takes about 5 hours to administer. She has to be carefully monitored while getting it, so it’s an all day event. Our first one was today and we arrived at the hospital around 8:45 am and left around 7:00 pm. All in all, though, it’s only a minor inconvenience. There are a few side effects, but as always so far she’s handling them like a champ. She actually really enjoyed the day at the hospital as we got to visit some of our old haunts and see some of our beloved nurses. We did have to postpone getting her port-a-cath removed to accommodate the infusion, but again, not a big deal.

Also, all the reports from the other kiddos we’ve met along the way seem to be good. Jennifer is currently in Houston and has received her bone marrow transplant and seems to be doing well. She has had quite a bit of pain and it’s been an indescribable ordeal for the entire family. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. Pray for health and protection for Jennifer and for strength and support for all of them.

We had a terrific Halloween. Morgan dressed up as Sulley from Monsters’ Inc. for the first part of the night and Marlee was a butterfly. It was pretty hot and muggy here on Halloween night, so after a half an hour or so, Morgan got hot and Marlee got tired, so we came home and Morgan changed into a princess costume and Marlee went to bed. Morgan went trick or treating for a little while longer and figured out that since she was in a different costume, maybe it would be okay to go to a few houses twice.

I can’t believe it’s been almost a year now since Morgan was diagnosed – in fact it’s 11 months ago yesterday. Hard to believe.

With thankful hearts,
Team Randel

Thursday, October 16, 2003 5:53 AM CDT

Just a quick note to mention that Children's Hospital of Austin has forgiven almost our entire bill with them that was uncovered by Midwest Life. This was an amount in excess of at least $150,000. Seton, the operators of CHOA, are a non-profit organization affiliated with the Catholic Church and are willing to write off hardship cases like ours to charity.

Unbelievable. We are awe-struck. Just as the gravity of our enormous debt was beginning to sink in, it is lifted from our brows. Now, the gravity of this remarkable act of charity has to sink in.

How can we ever express our thanks? It is not humanly possible. These people saved our daughter's life and then forgave us the enormous debt we owed them. There are no words.

Thursday, September 25, 2003 3:05 PM CDT

I guess this is one of those cases in which no news is good news. It seems that the less frequent the updates, the more our lives are returning to normal. Our activities are looking more like what they should be. Morgan has started dance and gymnastics classes and I take both girls to “Open Gym” every other week. We are getting together with friends to play more often and I have started doing some more directed preschool activities with Morgan during the day. With lots of Morgan’s friends starting preschool this month, we considered it briefly, but even if we could manage it financially, it wouldn’t be prudent to risk the exposure to infections. She has and will have residual immune suppression for some time to come, so even little colds can easily turn into nasty infections. In fact, she did get a cold recently which has turned into an ear infection which means we have a regimen of antibiotics and nasal wash (to help prevent a sinus infection). Both not fun for Morgan or for us “enforcers” (i.e. Mommy and Daddy), but it could most definitely be worse and we are thankful that it is not.

You’ll notice the addition of the music to the site. The lyrics are as follows:

That I Would Be Good
Alanis Morisette

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you

Obviously the message is meant for more situations than ours, but the significance for us is that this message is what we have tried to convey to Morgan throughout her experience. As I listen to the words, I get flashes of Morgan during her treatment; lying on the hospital bed staring at the television – numbing herself; marching in the Mardi Gras parade with a paper crown and decorated box as a costume wearing a yellow hospital mask over her mouth and nose since she was neutropenic, all the while hooked up to an IV tower receiving a blood transfusion; panicking in the CT scan room imploring me to grab the wagon handle and run and then being lifted into the machine, heart rate over 200 bpm, screaming to me for help; sitting on the edge of her bed in nothing but a diaper with a swollen belly and skin and bone arms and legs, tubes everywhere, trying with every ounce of strength to hit me or kick me to avoid taking more medicine; the moment when Tony and I were sitting in Dr. Glazener’s office when he said, “It looks like the beginnings of leukemia;” brushing her matted hair and watching it come out in handfuls; growing from having a panic attack when it was time to get her tubes put in to just giving a little nervous smile right before the needle touches her skin. . .

Through all of this Tony and I have wanted Morgan to know that she’s just fine. Whatever emotions she needs to express, whatever she needs to do to cope, however she looks or acts is fine. Of course this is also what we want both Morgan and Marlee to know throughout their lifetimes – that they are good, great, grand, and especially loved. And that there is nothing either one of them can do that will change that.

Thanks to those people in my life who have provided that kind of love to me.

All our best,
Laurie

Monday, September 8, 2003 1:51 PM CDT

We’re back from a great trip to Kansas! The ride went very well and the girls had a fabulous time! It was terrific fun getting to see everyone. It rained the whole time which changed our outdoor plans to indoor ones which was just as much fun for Morgan especially since she got to spend lots of playtime with her cousins!! Tony was very excited about it too since he got to spend the day watching football!!

Denise is recovering well from her surgery. She has quite a bit of pain, but true to the Randel nature, she powers right through it. She has eight more scheduled chemotherapy treatments, which I think equates to 4 to 6 months more, so please continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

The girls are doing very well! Morgan has a very active imagination and spends lots of time in her playroom tying her horses up to anything that stands still. We’ve enrolled her in dance lessons (ballet and tap) and she is really enjoying it. We will also want to start gymnastics soon. Marlee is learning lots of new words and is a bundle of energy.

We got some devastating news when we got home last weekend. Jennifer (Pic), our 15-year-old friend with AML, has had a relapse. She was first diagnosed at the end of September of last year and completed treatment around the same time Morgan did. After she had been off treatment for one month, she was sitting on a picnic table when it suddenly broke and crushed her leg breaking both the tibia and fibula. She ended up having surgery on her leg and is also recovering from that. She will have to endure at least one, maybe two, rounds of chemotherapy to try to get her in remission or close to it before going to Houston for a bone marrow transplant. Please pray for her and her family.

Love to all.
Laurie

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 7:52 AM CDT

Greetings! I'm not sure who, if anyone, is still reading these entries. For those of you who still keep tabs on us, you'll be pleased to know that, 6 months+ out from official remission, Morgan continues to thrive. Her WBC count is still below normal - a situation that nags at us, but which Dr. Lockheart assures us is normal. We're looking into ways to bolster the immune system (echinacea and the like). The last thing we want is something completely unrelated to the cancer to rear its head and cause her problems.

I printed off our journal the other day and read it from beginning to end. What an eye-opener. We failed, utterly and miserably, to even give you a glimpse into the hell Morgan (and the rest of us) went through during the 3-4 months when things were really bad. I remember thinking "don't get too graphic" and "stay upbeat" while writing my entries. We didn't tell you just how bad Morgan's mouth got, for example. How, for days, the sores bled so bad that the blood ran out of her mouth and down her little body and onto the bed. We didn't tell you about the nurse who at 3:30 in the morning, accidentally gave her 10 times the dosage of dilaudid she was prescribed, the panic that ensued, and how we sat on pins and needles for hours to see whether or not Morgan was going to suffer heart failure because of it. We didn't go into detail about Laurie losing touch with reality and how I thought I was going to lose part of my nose because of a herpetic infection. And, while this coat of gloss we applied had a certain utility, at the same time it somehow does an injustice to what she went through. What we all went through. We don't want to forget because, if we forget, we will lose some of the strength we have gained from this experience. We are therefore going to fill in the blanks and add meat to the "story" and have the resulting work bound in hardcover for Morgan (and others) to look back with. There will be no revisionist history - we will try to accurately portray what happened, warts and all. Should be interesting reading.

Well, we're going to Kansas next week to see my family and, in particular, my sister Denise who is currently undergoing chemotherapy herself. I can't wait to see everyone.

With love to you all,
Team Randel

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 12:09 AM CDT

Wow! It’s been a long time since the last update!

We’re doing very well. Morgan’s hair is really growing in. People who don’t know what she’s been through have no idea when they see her; they just think she’s got a really short haircut. She feels terrific and has lots of energy. She has a very vivid imagination and spends lots of time being a horse or dinosaur or something similar. Last night at dinner, she’d been quietly eating for about five minutes when Tony asked how her food was. She looked up and let out a big roar. Unbeknownst to us, she’d turned into a lion.

Marlee is doing great too. Her first birthday is Thursday. She took her first steps around 10 months and then took off at 11 months. She practically runs now! She’s very active and loves to look at books. She also has a keen eye for relationships. The other day she was outside and picked up a little black nozzle for the hose, searched for and found the hose, and tried to put the nozzle on. She says hi, book, ball, and makes lots of animal sounds. Whenever she takes a bite of food, she nods her head and says, “Good.” She’s never rejected any kind of food and eats everything with gusto including the tomatoes in balsamic vinegar that she had last night. I thought she was developing a good sense of taste until I took the rubber door stop that she’d been munching on away and she nodded at me and told me that was good too.

Morgan’s remission party was terrific! She had a really fun time and it was wonderful having so many people there. It’s futile trying to say thank you to all of you who have been so much support for us. No words or gifts or parties would ever do justice to the gratitude we feel. Once we are truly on the other side of this experience, we will pass on the goodness that you have shown to others in need.

Financially we’re just beginning. We’ve taken advantage of a service to manage the mountains of paperwork and help us figure out the insurance muck. Right now we’re just paying the minimums on our bills which continue to amount to six figures +++. The good news is that Seton, being a non-profit hospital, will not pursue us legally for payment. The doctor’s offices may be another story, and those are 5 digits plus, but we’re just trying to not worry about it for now. I know it will all work out.

I think Tony and I are finally coming back to life. We both went through a period of depression – probably posttraumatic stress. Tony’s happened a little earlier than mine and didn’t last quite so long. Mine included the sleep deprivation that came along with Marlee not sleeping through the night until she was 10 months old. The emotional aspect of all this is still quite raw, but it’s not as extreme as before. I know we are forever changed but the appreciation for what we’ve been given is beginning to trump the sadness over what we almost lost. I know it’s not over yet, but I have a lot of hope.

At Morgan’s remission party, Tony and I presented her with an inexpensive toy Olympic style medal that said “Champion” on it. She was so proud. She walked around showing it to everyone. We told her that she deserved it for all the hard work she did and all the medicines that she had to take. A few days later (when it was time for some medicine), she came in and said, “Mom, I threw my medal down in the hallway.” I asked why and she said, “I’m tired of being a champion.” “I know,” I said, “but you don’t have any other choice.”

We love you all!

Laurie

Two prayer requests:
Jennifer, the 14 year old who was diagnosed with AML a few months before Morgan and completed treatment around the same time, recently broke her leg and needed surgery to repair it. Please pray for her recovery.

Alex, a 6 year old who was diagnosed with AML a couple of months ago, did not achieve remission during the first induction and will soon be going to a non-sibling transplant. Please pray for his successful transplant and cure.

Thursday, June 12, 2003 12:48 AM CDT

Howdy! Things are going very well here. Both girls are healthy and we are slowly getting back to normal.

We are officially celebrating this weekend!! Morgan's remission party will be on Saturday and we are really looking forward to it.

It really is a one day at a time thing still. There are lots of emotional ramifications of going through this kind of thing (for everybody), but we are trying to handle them as they come and not worry too much about it.

It seems trite to once again try to thank everyone for the support that we've been given, and yet it seems criminal not to. There aren't words enough to express our gratitude.

We'll either see you at the party on Saturday, or let you know how it goes!!

Love to all.
Laurie

Wednesday, May 21, 2003 0:02 AM CDT

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

I haven’t been writing much lately. Don’t know if it’s lack of time or if I’m avoiding it for some other reason. It’s been almost 20 days since my last entry.

Morgan had a two-week recheck after her last chemo treatment last Wednesday. Her blood counts are really good, but she’s had a nasty cold for a couple of weeks, so Dr. Lockhart sent us down to get an x-ray. Morgan ended up getting a CT scan on Monday on her sinuses which showed sinusitis, probably caused by the chemotherapy. It’s a relatively common side effect. She’s been on antibiotics for a while now. We went to an ear, nose and throat specialist today. We’re going to try saline nasal washes for a couple of weeks and then see how she’s doing. I think it’s already getting better (she hasn’t had as much drainage the last day or so), but we really have to knock it out. Sinus issues can sometimes cause complications and it’s just not something we want to play around with. Marlee got the cold that preceeded Morgan’s condition, so both girls have been feeling a little under the weather so Tony and I are back to somewhat exhausted.

Morgan did really well with the CT scan. Some of you may remember that the last time she got one of these was one of the most traumatic experiences that she had in the hospital. That was January 7th and in looking back at the journal entry, I realize that I did not fully relate the story. It’s going to take a while to get through the story, so I won’t delve into it now, but suffice to say that I believe that Morgan, inasmuch as she understood it, thought during that last scan that she was truly going to die. She was yelling at me to “Grab the wagon, Mom! Get us out of here!” She remembered some of that experience, but mostly she remembered how brave she was to be so still even when she was so scared. This time she was a little nervous and it took her a little time to get used to the idea. Once she was on the bed, she asked if she could have a blanket over her face and that gave her total peace. She was able to lie very still under the blanket until the scan was complete. It’s amazing how well she’s adapted.

A couple of weekends ago we experienced an aftershock experience. Tony and I got into an argument about a somewhat benign subject. Emotions ran unusually high rather quickly and we realized that there might be more to it than it seemed. We resolved the argument with each other, but I just could not stop crying for the rest of the day. It was like the leak in the dam caused a watershed. I don’t know if that’s the last time that’s going to happen, but it certainly isn’t pleasant.

Marlee stood up on her own for the first time yesterday. Tony’s been trying to get the video on www.randelfamily.com so keep checking.

Although things are not normal yet, we are definitely making the transition. I feel sure it won’t be long.

Love to all.
Laurie

Sunday, May 10, 2003 9:00 PM CDT

Morgan has completed her last chemo treatment and, other than some pretty severe back pain and an ear infection, has weathered the 3-intrathecals-in-3-weeks pretty well. Her hair is beginning to grow back. She is now scheduled for bone-marrow biopsies every few months, including one next Friday. If all goes well, she will have her central line removed in 9-months to a year. Then, monthly blood tests for the next 4-5 years. It's a long one, but we might just be entering the home stretch.

You know, I'd like to write you an up-beat, positive and affirming message tonight. I'd like to tell you how excited we are and how relieved and how optimistic. And we are. I feel like we've done pretty well at maintaining optimism and a healthy, positive attitude throughout all this.

But it has been a high-wire act, all of it. And when you finish 6-months of balancing, constantly correcting to the left or to the right as not to plunge headlong into the precipice - though you never fell - it exacts its toll on you. We're hyper-sensitive to anything that even resembles a symptom of relapse. Laurie thinks we may have a touch of post-traumatic stress disorder and I am not inclined to disagree. Though things seem to be going great, we constantly fear the other foot may fall. I find myself welling with tears while I watch Morgan play. I think of what a horrible, empty hole would be left in my life if she were to die. I think about watching her waste away and wonder what words the doctor would use to tell us that there was nothing more they could do. I think about her funeral and what we would tell Marlee about her big sister that she never knew. I think about celebrating her 18th birthday without her. And then I sweep her up and hug her and tell her how amazing she is and how much I love her.

She's probably beginning to think her old man is a lunatic.

Later, she will annoy me, as 3-year olds are want to do, with an endless barrage of "why?" questions. I scold her and then immediately think, "what if she weren't around in 6 months to ask me "why?" Then I feel guilty and admonish myself to be more patient and loving.

I don't know - maybe this is growth. God knows we will never be the same.

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I leave you with this: I wish that none of you would ever have to suffer through watching someone you love battle a serious illness. Not an aunt or an uncle, a husband, wife, father, friend, or mother - and certainly not a child. But if you do, I pray that you have as great a group of people in your life as we have in ours. People who give and give and really have no idea just how much their generosity and kindness is helping - but continue to give anyway. We are a strong family, but I shudder to think where we would be without the help we have received, great and small. I hope, too, that you will think of "Team Randel" when you or your family needs a shoulder to lean on. Thank you all so very much.

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Randelfamily.com will always be there. Come by and visit when you can. There are some new pictures out there now, by the way: www.randelfamily.com.

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Note that our family email address has changed to "teamrandel@randelfamily.com."

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Barring a relapse, this will be our last update.

Thanks again,
Team Randel

Friday, May 2, 2003 2:48 AM CDT

Tuesday was Morgan’s final chemo treatment!! She handled it beautifully. Afterwards she felt up to going out for lunch and even wanted to race me on the sidewalk. She fell down twice, but kept wanting to race. Yesterday and today, however, she has felt some side effects. When you do intrathecal treatments weekly like she has the last three weeks, they begin to have some cumulative effects. She is experiencing lots of pain in her lower back and abdomen and regular ibuprofen did not help at all. Yesterday, she laid in a fetal position on the couch all day and was fine until she had to move. We finally got her some stronger pain medicine which helped her want to move around, but she still couldn’t stand up straight and just walked around hunched over while she played. I tried to get her to rest, but she wanted to ride her scooter and we ended up playing over at Hayley and Cole’s house for a few minutes. Today she seemed better, but still couldn’t stand up straight. She didn’t really complain, she just walked around all hunched over all day. It’s supposed to subside soon, so we hope Friday will be better.

Marlee had her nine month check up today. Everything looks good for her. She is still tiny for her age – 5% for height and weight, but she’s been consistently like that since birth so they’re not worried. Marlee had to get some blood drawn to check for anemia (done routinely) and did really well with that too. She cried more because we had to hold her still than she did about the stick. Morgan was very concerned about her when she started crying; she identified all too well.

We thought Marlee was maybe turning a corner in her sleep. She’s never really slept through the night very many nights in a row, but this past week for about 5 or 6 nights in a row she got a good 7 hours sleep stretch in. She’s also seemed not to be so averse to sleeping. Tonight, however, has been a different story. She had a hard time getting to sleep and has been up 3 or 4 times already and it’s just now 2 am. Of course, now that she’s sleeping soundly, I can’t seem to get back to sleep! Oh, the life of a mother with young kids!! ;o)

I truly try to write more often – for instance, I started this one yesterday and had to modify it some since I didn’t get back to it until now. We are very excited about Morgan being off treatment. We don’t have to go back to the clinic for TWO whole weeks! Then after that, we’ll have monthly check ups for the first year and bone marrow aspirations every 3-4 months. The thought that all this is over is so alluring and it is the one that was are choosing to believe and focus on. We are so thankful for our supporters and friends and we are especially thankful that Morgan has weathered this treatment regimen so well. GREAT JOB MORGAN!!!

Love to all.
Team Randel

Wednesday, April 23, 2003 1:13 PM CDT

We went to Cook Children's Hospital in Fort Worth last week to evaluate the facility for bone-marrow transplant. We also were expecting to set up an appointment for autologous (from Morgan) bone-marrow harvest but, after speaking with Dr. Eanes, learned that Morgan has a few more possible matches on the bone-marrow registry and that an autologous transplant would almost assuredly never happen. This is all "what-if" preparation, you understand. With good fortune, bone-marrow transplantation is not in our future. We just want to have as many ducks in a row as we can to prepare for any worst-case scenario.

We are constantly surprised by the kindness and generosity of people. Not only the people we know - but complete strangers. Laurie and I were bringing the girls home from Morgan's next-to-last intrathecal chemo treatment yesterday and decided to stop off for a bite at a local eatery. At the end of the meal, the waitress informed us that our tab was taken care of by "a businessman-looking guy" who saw us in the foyer. I suspect it was someone who has first-hand experience with cancer. Somehow that person knows in some way what we're going through and wanted to help brighten our day. In talking about it, Laurie and I realized then that it is probably difficult for those who have lost loved ones to cancer to see a little girl like Morgan, hairless, obviously in some stage of chemotherapy. Either way, I hope that person knows that we were touched by and thankful for their gesture. I'll bet they do.

One more intrathecal treatment (next week) and then we are finished! We will, of course, be going back in on some schedule - monthly, to start - to have Morgan's blood tested. And her central line won't come out for another year. But, God willing, the hard part is over. It has been one hell of a trip.

I'll probably make next week's update the last regular update I send out. I'll still let everyone know about the blood tests and if, God forbid, anything calamitous happens. You can always check our website to keep up with us.

New pictures - Morgan's photo-shoot for the hospital foundation poster (Marlee got in there too): www.randelfamily.com.

Have a great week!

Love,
Team Randel

Wednesday, April 23, 2003 0:06 AM CDT

Lots to tell from this weekend.

Morgan had her first of three intrathecal chemo treatments on Tuesday. It went very well. We didn’t really hear what the results were from the bone marrow aspiration, so I can only assume that everything looked great. We’ll check for sure on Tuesday when we go back in.

On Friday, Tony, Morgan and I went to Cook Children’s in Fort Worth to meet with Dr. Eanes, the transplant doctor. (My mother and father came to Austin and watched Marlee while we were gone.) We won’t go to transplant unless Morgan relapses, but we wanted to meet Dr. Eanes and check out the facility and discuss harvesting some of Morgan’s remission marrow. Before we went, we thought that Morgan’s only transplant option was one possible cord blood match. Our thinking was that we needed to harvest some of Morgan’s remission marrow to give us more options in case of a relapse. After talking to the Dr. Eanes for a long time, we’ve found that Morgan has a few other options. Initial HLA typing compares 6 antigens to see if they match. Morgan does not have a 6 of 6 match either in cord blood or a live donor. She does, however, have five 5 of 6 matches and one 4 of 6 cord blood match. Sometimes a less than perfect match can be used if certain factors are just right. Anyway, because she has some other options, imperfect as they are, Morgan’s remission marrow would almost certainly never be used. Therefore, we will not put her through the harvest process. What that means is that after the next two intrathecal treatments, we are done with treatment. Morgan will go in once a month to have her blood checked and will have periodic bone marrow aspirations. The highest risk for relapse is within the first six months and it lessens each six months thereafter calling her cured five years from now.

Well, I started this entry on Sunday, but now it’s Tuesday and I’m just getting back to it.

Anyway, it was good that we went to Fort Worth last Friday, because even though we have no plans to go back there, if Morgan does have a relapse, we won’t be having to make decisions about her treatment in the context of hard emotional times. We may take a trip down to Houston just for comparison, but we were very impressed with Dr. Eanes and the outpatient clinic in Fort Worth.

On Saturday, Mom and Dad took Morgan and Marlee over to my aunt Joy’s house. They had a wonderful time doing Easter stuff – coloring eggs, decorating cupcakes, and hunting eggs. Then my parents kept the kids all night and Tony and I got to spend a night downtown at the Driskill!! What a treat! We had a wonderful time!

Today we went in for Morgan’s second intrathecal treatment. Everything went very well and she’s feeling very good. She took a long nap this afternoon, but no adverse effects of the chemo.

We’re trying to establish a “new normal.” We were still adjusting to life with a new baby when all this hit, so now we’ve got to figure out what our new routine is. I’d better finish this up and get some sleep so I’ll be worth something tomorrow!

Love to all.
Laurie

Monday, April 14, 2003 12:23 AM CDT

We had a terrific week! Dr. Lockhart gave us the go ahead to return to some of our normal activities. We went to the park twice. Morgan had great fun digging in the sand again! On Friday, we went to play at gymnastics. Saturday we went shopping and yesterday we went to a children’s party sponsored by the American Cancer Society. That was at the Umlauf Sculpture Garden and it was a beautiful evening. They had a little train that Morgan loved and a bubble machine. Morgan jumped around catching bubbles while she was waiting for her next train ride. You can’t imagine the appreciation we have for things like that now.

Tomorrow, we will go to Children’s again for Morgan’s first (of three) intrathecal chemo treatment. She’ll get two more each spaced one week apart. After that, her checkup times will be monthly. One month after her final chemo treatment, we will go to Cook Children’s in Ft. Worth for a remission marrow harvest. They will collect and store some of Morgan’s bone marrow to use in the event that she has a relapse and needs a transplant. This is called an autologous stem cell transplant vs. an allogenic (live donor or cord blood) transplant. Right now, we’ve only found a partial cord blood match for Morgan. Sometimes cord blood is used even if it is just a partial match since the marrow hasn’t been subject to as many infections as a live donor would be. The stored marrow will be a sort of insurance just in case we need it. Of course we hope and pray that we never do.

Thank you all again for your support and prayers! Once again words fail me. We love you all!!

All our love,
Team Randel

Wednesday, April 9, 2003 7:59 AM CDT

It’s comical in a very frustrating sort of way how many times I’ve sat down to write an entry only to be interrupted or thwarted in some other way. Looking back, I noticed that my frequency of entries strangely coincided with Marlee’s foray into crawling! Nevertheless, it’s 5:00 am now; I just got Marlee back to sleep, so maybe I’ll be able to get this entry done and posted to our journal!!

The past week . . . Morgan’s sleepless night a week ago turned out to be caused by a pretty nasty ear infection. We went to the clinic last Tuesday and she received some IV antibiotics and a prescription for oral antibiotics at home. Before we could pick the prescription up, her temperature spiked and we headed for the hospital. We thought this stay might only last a day or two, but we ended up staying ‘till Saturday. Morgan started feeling better and stopped having fevers on Friday, but her ear was still red and she needed blood products, so we didn’t get to go home until Saturday.

Morgan’s red blood counts dropped really low on Thursday, so she got a transfusion. The counts didn’t recover as much as expected by Friday, so she got a second transfusion. This one lasted about 4 hours and necessitated, for logistical reasons, that we sit on the couch in our room for the entire time save one trip to the bathroom. It turned out to be dreadfully hard for Morgan, since she was finally feeling better for the first time in a few days. We watched movies and played games, but she was ready to move. Once she was done, our nurse unhooked her from all her IV’s and Morgan ran the halls for the next 15 minutes raising her arms in triumph and shouting, “I’m free! I’m free!” I didn’t have my camera, but that picture will be imprinted on my mind for the rest of my life. There are three nurses’ stations on the floor and she ran around each one and stopped to make sure that everyone heard. She was wearing a mask since her counts were so low, but somehow you could see the smile.

Along the way, we stopped at a kitchen to get her some milk and we passed a gal who was missing a few teeth. Identifying with Larry the Cucumber (from VeggieTales), Morgan shouted, “Hey Mom, she’s got one tooth too!” The gal answered, “Yep, too much candy!” :o) What’re you gonna do?

What a trooper Morgan is. She’s been watching the movie “Spirit” lately (and wanting to act it out ENDLESSLY, by the way. In fact, the other day, when she said for the umpteenth time, “Mom, I’ll be Spirit and you be the big white horsey.” I replied, “Honey, I’m tired of playing Spirit, let’s play something else.” “Okay,” she said, “you be Flounder and I’ll be the Little Mermaid.” I agreed and in about two minutes, the Little Mermaid said to Flounder, “Okay Flounder, you be the big white horsey and I’ll be Spirit.” I couldn’t turn that down.). At the end of the movie, the Lakota boy names Spirit, “Spirit Who Could Not Be Broken.” That’s Morgan. If you’ve read the guest book lately, you’ve seen the entry from my Mom who was reading “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day,” to Morgan a couple of weeks ago. When she was done, Mom asked, “Morgan, have you ever had a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad day?” Morgan answered matter-of-factly, “No.” When she feels good, it’s as if she never felt bad at all. Even when she feels bad, she cries more because she doesn’t want to feel bad than because of any discomfort. Just like with her ear infection, she won’t tell us when something is hurting, maybe because of the resulting treatment, but I think mostly because she doesn’t want it to hurt. Also, she harbors ABSOLUTELY no resentment for the doctors and nurses who “inflict” procedures on her. In fact, when she goes through something hard with one of them, it only serves to cement the relationship.

Long story: Last Wednesday, Morgan had to get her second port accessed. The first one had been accessed the day before, and I was worried about the risk of infection so I elected not to use the “numby” cream so we could limit the time the site was exposed. Since Morgan has to get accessed in the clinic so often, Nurse Jennifer and she have developed a finely tuned routine that is very comforting for Morgan in this scary procedure. Jennifer agreed that we could come to the clinic from the hospital to have the other port done, so we did. When the needle went in, it really hurt and Morgan was not expecting that. Nurse Jennifer felt terrible and I know worried that Morgan would blame her for the pain. I think she stressed over it all night long, because the next day, she came to visit Morgan in our hospital room. But it never entered Morgan’s mind to blame Jennifer. She feels the love that the nurses and doctors emit and believes that they want her to feel good and be comfortable. She trusts that everyone wants what’s best for her and truly forgives and forgets. I should be so faith-filled.

Speaking of . . . my latest spiritual musings . . .
Plainly put, I’m worried that my disbelief and questioning about God is what caused Morgan’s illness. I’m also afraid that if and when I entertain doubting thoughts now, Morgan will get an infection or worse, a relapse. Now, I know better. I know that this is not true, but I’ve found that head and heart sometimes have very different ideas. I found myself not voicing this fear and once I realized that I was trying to suppress it, decided that I’d better start telling everyone who would listen. It seems that I can get through some of this stuff if I’ll give it a name. Anyway, I brought it up to the Chaplain at the hospital who pointed me to John chapter 9 where the people ask Jesus what sin the blind man or his parents committed that caused his blindness. Jesus’ reply was that the blindness was not a result of sin, but so that God’s work could be displayed in his life. That’s good, because I really feel like if God is putting Morgan through this to punish me, then I don’t really want to worship Him. I feel the same way when I hear reports about the Taliban or Saddam torturing children to punish their parents. As I was reading John 8 through 11 (where Jesus raises Lazarus), the scriptures around “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free,” helped bring me some serenity. Believing that God exists and having faith that Jesus is who he said he was, I don’t have to be burdened by my shortcomings or failings. I don’t have to interpret every verse or take a stance on every doctrine questioning all the time whether I am right or not. I can trust that I will know the truth and enjoy the freedom therein. I didn’t cause this and I can’t be good enough to make it go away or stay away, but I can focus on the silver linings and see the good that comes of it.

Anyway, that’s the latest. Sorry for the length. I’m obviously making up for lost time.

Love to all.
Laurie

Tuesday, April 8, 2003 10:47 AM CDT

What a great day! Morgan's WBC count is 15,000! (Remember that a typical, healthy count is around 10,000...the neupogin she's been taking pushed her up a little higher than normal.) Laurie surprised me by bringing the girls by my workplace after their visit to the doctor yesterday. After spending last Tuesday through Saturday in the hospital with an ear infection, we all needed a pick-me-up. (We decided that being in the hospital is like going on a campout - without all the things that make a campout fun.) Anyway, we celebrated by going out to dinner with our friends, Rob and Piper Williamson, and their kids Haley and Cole. I must confess that we let the kids be a little rambunctious in the restaraunt. Morgan has only spent a matter of hours with any kids her age in the last 4 months, so we were not much inclined to discipline.

The first of Morgan's final intrathecal treatments will likely be within a week. This will be followed by two more treatments, one week apart. Then, God willing, we are done! After that, we just go back to the hospital monthly for blood tests.

Petitions for prayer and positive ponderings:
Morgan: NO RELAPSE! EVER! The same for all the other kids we've met who are fighting this disease...for all the little kids going through this, for that matter.
Denise Randel (Tony's Sister): quick and uncomplicated remission of her invasive ductile carcinoma (breast cancer).
Larry Bradshaw (Laurie's Dad): positive report from his MRA (magnetic resonance angiography). Larry suffered what appears to be a "minor stroke" (that's oxymoronic) last week.

If you're interested, there are some new pictures on our family website (link below).

Y'all have a fabulous week!

Team Randel
www.randelfamily.com

Tuesday, April 1, 2003 4:17 PM CDT

Morgan had a rough night last night, waking up crying every half hour, it seemed. She claimed not to have any pain or nausea, though it's hard to tell; she learned early on that full disclosure often led to additional medicines, new doctors or procedures, etc. It might have been nightmares or depression, we just don't know. Laurie, bless her heart, relieved me in Morgan and Marlee's room at about 1 AM and got almost no sleep thereafter. So I'm at home this morning, allowing her to get a little sleep before she takes the girls into the hospital this afternoon for Morgan's blood test. I have to once again express my gratitude to my company for being so accomodating through all this.

Laurie, by the way, is administering Morgan's neupogin at home since the last admission. I won't go into great detail, but suffice to say that it's more complicated, though less painful, than giving a shot (another procedure Laurie has performed). Normally, I'm of the motto that if you attack something with enthusiasm and confidence, you'll probably get good results - even if you had no idea what you were doing at the onset. I must confess, however, that I personally blanch at the idea of applying this philosophy to my Morgan's healthcare. Inflicting pain and worry on our 3-year old is a horror. Laurie has gritted her teeth, however, and has done what needs to be done. I admire her courage and can-do attitude. My wife, if you don't know it by now, is a champion.

As with anything, interest and attention tends to wane over time. I'm less inspired to send out updates, and the number of emails, hits on our website, donations, etc. has dropped dramatically since February. The fact is that, as long as things continue to go well, we have entered the "administrative" phase of this illness. This is where we now have to turn our attentions to such relatively mundane things as haggling with insurance companies, paying bills, and waiting. Waiting for blood counts to come back, waiting to see if a relapse is in Morgan's future. Not the stuff of movies or dramatic prose, but trying nonetheless.

So I'm asking you: don't forget about us, okay? We need our circle of friends, our support network, as much as we ever have. You are very important to us.

With affection,
Team Randel

Wednesday, March 26, 2003 6:27 PM CST

Home again . . . Home again . . .

I meant to write an entry while we were in the hospital, and started a couple of times, but never had enough of a chance to get all the way through.

We have just completed what we hope to be Morgan's last scheduled hospital stay!! Morgan received a chemotherapy treatment and now we will wait for her counts to recover. That should take around three weeks. Then we will go in for 3 weekly intrathecal (directly into the spine) treatments that will be administered in day surgery under general anesthesia. After that, her treatment will probably stop. Then we wait . . . Wait for what? Hopefully nothing. My church has a slogan this year - P.U.S.H. (Pray Until Something Happens). OUR motto is P.U.N.H. (Pray Until Nothing Happens). NO relapse, NO reoccurance, NO infection, NO cancer!! The acronym isn't quite as catchy and I'm not sure how we'll know exactly when nothing has happened, but that's what we have to do. The other night, the night before Tony's last update, he and I were awake until the wee hours of the morning because as we went to lie down to bed, I could not contain my sadness and fear. Tony had experienced similar emotions throughout the week. I just felt like life was just too hard. Right then I was worrying about various family members (not including Morgan), about the war and the protests, about anything that would take the place of my true fears - Morgan's future. As Tony and I talked, I realized that my anxiety was mostly about stopping treatment, about waiting for the other shoe to drop. The wisdom of Mr. Rogers helped comfort me. On his program, he would often talk about how hard waiting is and tell kids that it helps to think of something to do while we wait. That's what we have to do. We have to think of ways to live the life that we're given, whether it will last 6 more months or 60 more years. We will make our lives extrodinary and we will use the life that we have been given for good. Rather than whining about the cards we've been dealt, we're going to ante up and stay in the game. If we lose, we lose, but we're going to play.

Speaking of whining, this insurance thing is a nightmare. I won't go into it, but I do want each and every one of you right now to go to your file cabinet and get out your policy. Go over it with a fine-toothed comb. Check out the benefit maximums and the out-of-pocket maximums (if they exist - which do not with our first policy). Don't just think of what will probably happen, think worst case scenario (which, by the way, ours is not) and decide if you are covered. We know that eventually all this will work it's way out (one way or another), but going through it makes for lots of headaches. I really think something has to be done about the way insurance is handled - and I even lean toward the right politically. We are thankful every day that Children's Hospital is a non-profit, Christian based hospital that will not refuse treatment for Morgan just because we have no clue how we will ever pay them.

Well anyway, that's the latest.
Love to all.
Laurie

Sunday, March 23, 2003 1:10 PM CST

Morgan is to be readmitted tomorrow morning for what will hopefully be her last round of chemotherapy.

To the uninitiated, this would seem like a time for exuberance. But the dread we haven't felt for a couple of months is creeping back into our consciousness. We're scared. Morgan has been doing so well that some small part of us wants the chemo to go on forever. After this round, we have to just sit and wait to see if she stays in remission or has a relapse. During her treatment, we've felt like we're at least doing something...being proactive. Completing her treatment, though it really is a positive thing, feels like we're gambling with Morgan's life.

Once again, we are sick with fear.
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Marlee has begun to crawl and is very close to walking. She stood up on her own yesterday and slowly, even gracefully, lowered herself down onto all fours. I put a video of her "dancing" on our website: www.randelfamily.com. Depending upon your internet access speed, it may take too long to download and view - you be the judge.
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My brother Mike has gone back to California and Laurie's cousin Hayley has come and gone. Both were a lot of help and we appreciate their generosity. Thanks, guys!
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Please send prayers and positive thoughts to my sister Denise in Topeka who was diagnosed with "invasive ductile carcinoma" that has spread to her lymph nodes. If you'd like to send her a word of encouragement, her email address is: deni_randel@yahoo.com.

Likewise, to Laurie's aunt Becky (Hayley's mom) in Harper, KS, who broke some bones during an unfortunate mishap with a ladder.
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Hope all is well with everyone (else) this email reaches,

With love,
Team Randel
www.randelfamily.com

Thursday, March 20, 2003 3:27 PM CST

We've had a really good week so far!

Our Monday's doctor visit revealed that Morgan's white blood cells have rebounded and her red blood cells and platelets are on the rise. This is an early recovery compared to what is normally seen. We are so thankful that Morgan is tolerating everything so well and has been protected from serious infection! She even got to play with Hayley and Cole for an hour or so yesterday! Lots of fun!

My cousin Hayley and her boyfriend Chris came to help out this week. The girls have had lots of fun playing with them!

Our main news from this week, however, is not good news. Tony's sister, Denise, was diagnosed this week with breast cancer. We are praying for her complete recovery. Please also pray for strength and support for Denise and her family during her treatment.

We will go to the doctor's office tomorrow to get Morgan's counts checked and will know then when her next and hopefully last round of chemo will begin.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Sunday, March 16, 2003 10:20 PM CST

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONY!!

Today was Tony's birthday and we had a big fun day! Morgan and I made Tony a cheesecake and Uncle Mike bought a steak dinner for all of us! Morgan was especially excited about the Monster's Inc. birthday hats. I showed them to her yesterday and told her not to tell Daddy because it was a surprise. She was surprisingly good at keeping a secret - for awhile. She did tell him that she didn't want to tell him about his surprise and when he asked her what it was she said, "I don't wanna tell ya!" After the sixth time he asked her she said, "Daddy, I can't tell you about your surprise hat." He said, "Oh, you mean the red hat?" She said, "No, it's not red, but I don't wanna tell you that. I'm not gonna tell you about the Monster's Inc. birthday hats because it's a surprise. I'll tell you tomorrow." Very funny.

It was easy to know what Tony's wished for. It's been a long time since I've written an entry. We're weary. We've got lots of help, lots of support, but we're still weary. We'll make it - and we'll be stronger on the other side - but we're eager to be on the other side. We've been thinking about the need to make our lives extraordinary. Right now we're thinking maybe teaching overseas when Morgan is 8 and Marlee is 6. That'll be five years out and that's the magic number for calling her cured. We've been trying so hard the last few years to get our all our ducks in a row, especially financially, and here come the hunters blasting all our ducks to smithereens. Why not try something different, even if it seems a little risky? What have we got to lose? Who knows? Planning that far ahead is a pipe dream, so we're not planning, just thinking.

This evening we all took a long walk. Morgan took her soccer ball along and Tony let her kick it around in the field near the park. I know why she has a Daddy. I would never have let her do that. I was terrified that she would fall and skin her knee or get into an ant mound and get a terrible infection. She needed to run and play and feel normal and he pushed aside those fears and let her. I admire him for that. Everytime we step out the door, she hollers out "Hello!" to whatever neighbor happens to be within earshot and tells them that when it's not so easy for her to get sick, we'll come to their house and play. She's so social. I realized I needed to explain a little better one day when she said, "Nicole can't come over because it's too easy for me to get sick right now." I replied, "That's right." She said, "Yeah, I might throw up on her." That was a little difficult to explain - that we're not worried about her throwing up on anyone, but that we just making sure that no one gives her a cough or something. Speaking of, I've been wearing a mask for the last couple of days due to a cold. Please pray that Morgan be protected from that. When she's neutropenic, a simple cold can sometimes turn into pneumonia fairly rapidly. I'm not actually sure that this is a cold - it might be allergies, but it's better to be safe and anyway sneezing and drippy noses spread way too many regular germs, which can be an issue.

I officially feel like a nurse. This weekend I had to administer Morgan's medicines into her port-a-cath. So now I know how to flush her central line, administer subcutaneous shots, and deaccess her port. Well, maybe I wouldn't qualify as a real nurse, but I sure am Morgan's nurse. I'm not sure if knowing more makes me feel more comfortable or less. Maybe ignorance is bliss.

Both girls are sleeping, so I'm headed there too. We go in to get Morgan's counts checked in the morning. I think she's starting to recover from the last round - we'll see.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Tuesday, March 11, 2003 2:45 PM CST

Monday, March 10th

Morgan came down with a fever on Thursday evening, so we were readmitted that night and spent Friday and the weekend in the hospital. She received a battery of antibiotics and some platelets - that seemed to do the trick. We got home yesterday afternoon (Sunday).

My brother Mike also arrived on Friday from California and will be helping Laurie make a trip to the doctor's office today while I've gone back to work. I warned him that we would not be the ideal hosts for a while! We put him to work right away. Morgan enjoys having family around.

Throughout it all, Morgan still manages to maintain a great attitude, despite the shots, medicines, and procedures. She amazes the doctors and the nurses even more than us, it seems. She is a remarkable 3-year old.

I hope this note finds everyone happy and healthy and doing their best to enjoy the one life they have to enjoy!

Peace,
Team Randel
www.randelfamily.com

----------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 11th

If you are interested, there are some new pictures on the family website: www.randelfamily.com

When driving Morgan to the doctor's office the other day, Laurie heard Morgan sniffling a little in the back seat. They were passing by a park near our house - the one where Morgan usually plays with her friends. When Laurie asked her what was wrong, Morgan burst out sobbing, saying "I miss Haley and Cole!"

It's easy to forget that, in addition to the obvious physical issues, there is an emotional cost being exacted by her illness. She is such an upbeat kid, full of life and energy we're tempted to assume that she's dealing with these things okay. We can only tell her that we'll get back to normal as soon as we can, that we're sorry, that we'll make up for lost time, that we know she is doing hard work, and how much we appreciate her. As for Laurie and me, it's hard to imagine a day when we'll not think every few moments of Morgan and her cancer. We hope we're doing the right things and are not somehow damaging her or Marlee. But how can we possibly know?

As bad as things have been, we are so thankful that the field of childhood cancer treatment has come so far in the last 2-3 decades. Here is a story from a parent whose child was diagnosed nearly 20 years ago. Talk about leaving an indelible mark on you. The journey they were on was so much more difficult. It may not affect you like it did us, unless you are intimately familiar with cancer and it's treatment (or are a parent), but you may want to grab a hanky just in case: www.leukemia.com.

Hope you are all well,
Love,
Team Randel

Sunday, March 9, 2003 2:31 PM CST

Whew!

Sorry it's been so long since our last entry. Last weekend I was having trouble keeping it together emotionally (thus Tony's fabulous message of love to me) and just wasn't up to writing. On Thursday night, Morgan was admitted to the hospital due to fever. She had some kind of infection - we still don't know what. She got a few different kinds of antibiotics, red blood and platelets and is doing much better. We came home a few hours ago and will go back into the office tomorrow. She is feeling great and is in very good spirits. She is being protected medically and spiritually and for that we are grateful.

There's lots to tell, but even more work to do. Lots of laundry and housework, so I'll write more later.

Love to all.
Laurie

Sunday, March 2, 2003 2:38 PM CST

Morgan just finished her 3rd cycle of chemo on Friday and we have returned home. You'd never know, except for the hair loss, that she is in the middle of intensive chemotherapy. She is a bundle of energy, reminiscent of a caged animal at the zoo. Laurie turned on one of her favorite movies the other day and Morgan watched it while pacing back and forth in front of the couch. She's the very picture of a 3-year old who hasn't been outside to play for over 3 months! Next week, we're going to try to administer Morgan's neupogin via injection - rather than by accessing her central line. This will eliminate the need to drive to the hospital every day and the whole accessing/de-accessing of her ports, which is pretty stressful for her. If all goes well, a nurse will come by the house daily to administer the shots and Laurie won't have to pack up the kids every day for the daily 3-hour round trip to the hospital.

Laurie, by the way, is amazing in how patient, attentive, and nurturing she is with the kids. It's easy for me (and guys in general, I think) to dismiss just how difficult it is to be "on" all day for the little ones. She is their entertainer, their doctor, their nurse, their cook, their teacher...their entire focus for nearly every waking hour. I can only attempt to divert their attention for a while when I get home from work and on the weekends...and I too often shirk that responsibility. True confessions! I admit it. I even go as far as to get grumpy sometimes because Laurie might not be nurturing ME as well as I like! The audacity!

Wow. The Enquirer has nothing on this email, huh?

So here goes: as God (and this distribution list) as my witness, I will try every day to do better with helping Laurie with the girls. I don't hope to take over her job or to be perfect, but I will do better than I have been. Laurie will give you flowery pronouncements, no doubt, as to how well I'm doing, but don't nominate me for sainthood just yet. It's one of the things that makes her a great wife - her undying support of me, especially when I don't deserve it. Just a pact between us - I will do better.

Speaking of the Laurie and the kids, there are some new pictures on the website: www.randelfamily.com. Nurses, too, guys!

AMAZING PEOPLE: Yesterday, two events were organized for us by our friends: a neighborhood garage sale and an "open gym" fundraiser at Capital Gymnastics. We lifted not a finger to organize either of these events. Lisa Sananikone organized the garage sales and Sarah Jane Todd organized the open gym. So, while we lazed around the house yesterday, staying warm and dry, almost $3000 was raised for Morgan's care! I can't tell you how much appreciation Laurie and I have for you! It boggles our minds how giving people are and how much has been done to help us out. We are humbled and inspired. It makes me wish I were a better person; more deserving, more like you all. Such givers. Words, I find, are inadequate. Thank you from the bottom of our souls. You are truly kind.

With a shout out to all our peeps,
Have a great week, y'all! It's a wonderful life!

Team Randel

Friday, February 28, 2003 2:14 PM CST

Well, we're going home! Morgan has handled this round very well so far and we're done administering the chemo, so we get to go home this evening. Now we wait for her blood counts to recover. They haven't actually bottomed out yet, but they will. We'll go into Dr. Lockhart's office on Monday. It will take 3 or 4 weeks for her to fully recover from this round - then we'll do another one. Please keep praying that Morgan be protected from infection. Also please pray for the mental health of the whole family - including support people. We're all getting tired and ready for this to be over - but it isn't and won't be for some time. Please pray for continued strength and endurance.

I've got to pack us up so I'll write more soon!

Love to all.
Team Randel

Thursday, February 27, 2003 2:36 AM CST

So far so good. Three more days to go this round and Morgan feels very good. Her appetite and energy levels have been slightly affected, but as far as we can tell, those are the only adverse effects. Her spirits are great! Morgan loves roaming the halls, visiting the nurses station, and playing in the playroom. She's such a social butterfly. Sometimes, she pushes the Nurse Call button just to ask someone to come in and visit.

Numerous times, I've started to write something about how I believe that Morgan has been healed and is being supernaturally protected from the ill effects of further treatment. Although that is what I believe, when I start to explain, I realize that that statement is my attempt to control the future. I have to remind myself that TODAY is the important day, and I am thankful for today. I can't predict what will happen tomorrow. I can hope. I can pray. I can believe, but I can't know.

Even in the best of times within cancer, the stress is overwhelming. Maybe it's that in these good times, there is finally time to reflect on your mental state. We try to pretend like things will be "normal" soon; in just three short months, the chemo will be over. However, I was talking with another mom tonight and it dawned on me that for the next couple of years, every time Morgan has a fever, we will be readmitted to the hospital. Wow! I can't even go a whole paragraph without being preoccupied about the future - I AM THANKFUL FOR TODAY!!

Well now I'm just killing time. Morgan's new chemo treatment just finished infusing into her IV. Since this is a new one and this is the first time she's had it, I am watching her more closely to make sure there are no adverse reactions. This chemo is blue and will possibly turn her urine, skin and maybe the whites of her eyes blue. When I was learning about this new drug and the possible side effects, the nurses tried to comfort me saying, "Very rarely do kids have bad reactions to this one." I find that less comforting than I used to; if there is a small possibility, I'd rather not play the odds.

Well, everything seems fine, so I'm going to get a little more sleep.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Monday, February 24, 2003 10:08 PM CST

Round 3 . . .

We're back in the hospital for Phase 3. We expect to be in the hospital until Saturday for this round of chemo. Then, as long as Morgan is still well, we will go home to wait for her blood counts to recover just as before. Morgan tolerated the last round of chemo unusually well and this round promises to be even easier. Of course, we're not counting any chickens - we're trying to mentally prepare for complications and/or infections, but hoping and expecting that we won't have any. Morgan feels terrific and seems to be handling things astoundingly well. She seems to have fully adjusted to taking medicine, getting accessed, and getting eye drops. She now does all these things without even flinching. Her emotional releases are also less frequent, but still surface especially when she's tired. It's hard to tell just how much of that is stress and how much stems from being 3 years old. That's a thin line that Tony and I are trying to manage well; we want to be understanding and accommodating when she doesn't feel top notch, but also continue to set clear boundaries. It's like trying to put a puzzle together without the picture from the box.

Tonight my heart is filled with thanks. Thanks to God for Morgan's health and happiness and thanks to you for the support, concern and love that you've given. We have gotten so many messages via email, from cards and letters, and in the guestbook and we wish we could respond to each one. Your love and support make the bad days tolerable and the good days great! I am paralyzed each time I try to communicate my appreciation because there aren't words enough to convey what is in my heart. I was listening to a song by Natalie Merchant the other day and it made me think about you, our network of support. Here are the lyrics:

Kind & Generous
by Natalie Merchant
From the album "Ophelia"

You've been so kind and generous
I don't know how you keep on giving
For your kindness I'm in debt to you
For your selflessness, my admiration
For everything you've done you know I'm bound
I'm bound to thank you for everything

You've been so kind and generous
I don't know how you keep on giving
For your kindness I'm in debt to you
And I never could have come this far without you
For everything you've done, you know I'm bound
I'm bound to thank you for everything

Oh, I want to thank you for so many gifts you gave
The love, the tenderness, I wanna thank you
I want to thank you for your generosity, the love
And the honesty that you gave me
I want to thank you show my gratitude
My love, and my respect for you, I want to thank you
Oh, I want to thank you, thank you; thank you, thank you
I want to THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU

For the child care, food, house cleaning, financial gifts, clothes and toys, time, internet research, prayers, kind words, nursing, doctoring, psychosocial help, traveling, fund raising, cards and letters, guestbook entries, emails, blood donations and coupons, bone marrow registries, hugs, smiles, and tears, our sincerest THANKS.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Prayers:
**Please pray that Morgan stays healthy and tolerates this round of chemo well. Continue to pray that she receives a complete healing and that her body and spirit become stronger and healthier than ever before.
**My mother recently came down with a bacterial eye infection. She is an integral part in the care of the kids. Please pray that her infection clear up soon and that the rest of us are protected from that infection.
**Also, Patrick and his family leave tomorrow for his bone marrow transplant in Houston; please pray for his protection and healing.

Thursday, February 20, 2003 11:46 AM CST

We're back from the San Antonio Zoo! As Morgan says, it was a "great fun day!" The weather was perfect - it drizzled just enough to make the animals lively and keep the zoo from getting too crowded. We left the house around 8:00 am and got home about 6:00 pm. We were all tired at the end of the day, but the good kind of tired. If you haven't been, we highly recommend the San Antonio Zoo. It reminded me of the San Diego Zoo - just not as big. They have amazing animals there and seem to keep them very well. The highlight of the day was the Lory Landing. You go into a large cage with lots of lories (small parrots) and you can feed them. They are very comfortable with people and will crawl all around you. Tony got some great pictures and posted them on www.randelfamily.com. Make sure to check them out. Morgan took the picture of Tony with the lory chewing on his button. She's a budding photographer!

This was Marlee's first trip to the zoo. Right when we walked into the cage with the lories, about 10 of them flew right toward us and over our heads. Marlee's eyes were as big as saucers. She was fascinated. She was also very interested in the jaguar who walked right up to the glass while we were standing there. On the way to the zoo, Morgan asked what hippos say and I have to say I wasn't sure, but when the baby hippo wouldn't quit biting the momma hippo's tail, we found out. It's a kind of snort/grunt. One other interesting thing was that we got to the Reticulated Python's cage just as he was finishing swallowing a pig. We didn't get to see all the animals 'cause the kids got tired, so we'll have to go again another day. That's a wonderful thought.

Tomorrow morning we go in for another bone marrow biopsy and intrathecal (into the spine) chemo treatment. That will confirm that this round of chemo has been successful and that Morgan is still in remission. Then early next week (probably Monday) we'll start another chemo round. The drugs will change again, so we're not sure how she'll respond. We are praying that she do as well or better this next round.

Speaking of . . . do you realize that Morgan tolerated this last round VERY WELL and was TOTALLY protected from infection. The only days we spent in the hospital were the days chemo was administered and one additional night for observation. That's exactly what we prayed for. I feel kind of like Morgan the other day. We were coming home from the clinic and she asked if she could watch Monster's Inc. when we got home. She must have been prepared for a "We'll see," or "After your nap," because when I said "Sure!" she gave a bright, excited, sincere "Thanks!" That's how I feel too. We asked for what we wanted accepting that the answer might not have been "Yes." But it was and we are so grateful.

I was going to tell you about our frustrations with insurance (or "uninsurance" as my friend coined), but I don't want to ruin the mood. Maybe another time.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Tuesday, February 18, 2003 9:18 PM CST

If you have not been added to our email update list and would like to be, please email us at teamrandel@cs.com and Tony will add you to the list. Following is his latest update which says it all:

Morgan's blood counts have come racing back (that's a good thing) which means we will likely go back into the hospital for the next round of chemotherapy starting early next week. She goes under on Friday for another bone marrow biopsy, so please be thinking and praying about/for her. We're going to the zoo tomorrow in San Antonio, while her counts are up and the possibility of an infection is low. ('Can't wait to show her the hyenas, my favorite.)

We're waiting to hear from the hospital as to the "adjustment" to our total bill. Seton is a non-profit organization, so they are able and willing to write off a percentage of their accounts receivable. We have amassed around $250K in bills that are currently under review. Our insurance has been exposed as something South of adequate (and possibly even fraudulent), so we're adding another carrier to double-cover the kids. Of course that will not assist with the bills we've already incurred. (Our neupogin shots were not nearly as expensive as we thought they were, by the way.) We're confident that, as with all things in life, it will all work its way out somehow.

While we still wonder "why Morgan?" and "can this really be happening?," we marvel every day in our good fortune that things are not worse. This experience has taught us that, even though we would never have chosen this illness, there are so many worse places to be; so many more hopeless, helpless, and sorrowful situations all around us. We understand now that the people in those situations need us to help them in any way we can. Even there, we are so fortunate, because we have in our lives kind, extraordinary people that are also people of action who have come together to hold us in their collective arms. Our hearts go out to the people for whom no amount of care and assistance can assuage their grief and to the people who are in situations like ours, but do not have the support and care provided to them like we do. Regardless of what you see on the news, the world is a fantastic place filled to the brim with amazing, fascinating, kind, courageous, and caring people. We've met many people now who have had the mark of cancer placed on them and are beginning to understand how they can selflessly devote themselves to helping others, with very little recognition or financial reward. We hope that, especially after Morgan is cured, the mark will stay with us and we too can affect the lives of others the way we've been affected.

Have a happy week!

Team Randel

PS - The new background was chosen because Morgan's been pretending to be a turtle lately - when she's not being a cat.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003 9:18 PM CST

Tuesday, February 18, 2003 9:26 AM CST

Morgan's blood counts have come racing back (that's a good thing) which means we will likely go back into the hospital for the next round of chemotherapy starting early next week. She goes under on Friday for another bone marrow biopsy, so please be thinking and praying about/for her. We're going to the zoo tomorrow in San Antonio, while her counts are up and the possibility of an infection is low. ('Can't wait to show her the hyenas, my favorite.)

We're waiting to hear from the hospital as to the "adjustment" to our total bill. Seton is a non-profit organization, so they are able and willing to write off a percentage of their accounts receivable. We have amassed around $250K in bills that are currently under review. Our insurance has been exposed as something South of adequate (and possibly even fraudulent), so we're adding another carrier to double-cover the kids. Of course that will not assist with the bills we've already incurred. (Our neupogin shots were not nearly as expensive as we thought they were, by the way.) We're confident that, as with all things in life, it will all work its way out somehow.

While we still wonder "why Morgan?" and "can this really be happening?," we marvel every day in our good fortune that things are not worse. This experience has taught us that, even though we would never have chosen this illness, there are so many worse places to be; so many more hopeless, helpless, and sorrowful situations all around us. We understand now that the people in those situations need us to help them in any way we can. Even there, we are so fortunate, because we have in our lives kind, extraordinary people that are also people of action who have come together to hold us in their collective arms. Our hearts go out to the people for whom no amount of care and assistance can assuage their grief and to the people who are in situations like ours, but do not have the support and care provided to them like we do. Regardless of what you see on the news, the world is a fantastic place filled to the brim with amazing, fascinating, kind, courageous, and caring people. We've met many people now who have had the mark of cancer placed on them and are beginning to understand how they can selflessly devote themselves to helping others, with very little recognition or financial reward. We hope that, especially after Morgan is cured, the mark will stay with us and we too can affect the lives of others the way we've been affected.

Have a happy week!

Team Randel

Sunday, February 16, 2003 8:09 PM CST

Another great weekend at home. Morgan received her treatments at home this weekend, so we didn't have to travel back and forth. It was really nice. We don't do a whole lot, but Morgan and Marlee both have a great time playing around the house and Tony and I are getting a little rest.

It's still such an up and down experience with emotions. Yesterday morning, I couldn't stop crying and now I'm fine. I've learned just to let the feelings come and try to get on the other side of them. Yesterday, I was feeling a little hesitant about getting too attached to Marlee - afraid of getting hurt by letting her get as embedded in my heart as Morgan is. I feel bad even admitting that, but I figure if I'm feeling that way, then other people might have felt that too and maybe my confession can help someone else. I will be on guard to not let that hesitation manifest itself into action; I will continue to foster a great relationship with both children and will live in the moment, being grateful for the blessings of now. I will not be greedy in my longings for tomorrow.

Okay, enough already. Marlee keeps tipping over and Morgan is crawling up my back. I've got to go enjoy these kiddos!!

Morgan has a message for everyone: ggngknfgkjnjfbghfjb fbgbfbjgbbbjfhggfhhjfdfhdfhbgfjf fhhhfgbfhjhvufgh morgan
Translation: Thanks for being my friends. I'm feeling great. Morgan (she typed her name by herself by the way)

Love to all.
Team Randel

Tuesday, February 11, 2003 9:58 PM CST

Hello all!

After a terrific weekend at home with Morgan feeling very good, the week began very well. Monday was one of our new normal days - not much change. We had a small hiccup last night, though. Morgan's temperature jumped to 101.5 around 10:30 pm. That's the magic number at which we had been instructed to go to the hospital. I called the doctor and we started getting everything in the car. Five minutes later, Tony took her temperature again and it had gone down to 100.3. They told us to still come in to be safe. We got to the hospital around 11:30 and were awake getting her port accessed and all the necessary cultures done until after 2:00 am and didn't get settled down to bed until after 3:00 am and were up again for about an hour around 4:45. Her temperature was 99.9 when we got to the hospital and it never again reached much over 100. So our trip was somewhat unnecessary, but it's better to be safe than sorry. She did get started on a new antibiotic and since she felt great all day, we were allowed to come back home tonight. We'll go back tomorrow for an office visit and to get her antibiotic and Neupogen infusion - so we're back to mostly normal. Right now, what we really need are white blood cells. The longer Morgan goes without them, the higher the risks and she's been down now for about 2 weeks. We're looking for them to rise any day, so keep the prayers coming!!

The great news is that she still feels great! All the doctors seem to be really impressed with how well she's doing on this round of chemo. We, of course, are impressed with everything she does!

I found this interesting last night; Morgan has been tolerating getting her port accessed remarkably well for a three-year-old. Again, it involves getting stuck with a needle two times. The last few times, she has done this with no crying or fussing whatsoever. However, about an hour afterwards, something small and seemingly harmless will send her into a panicky fit. Two days ago it was getting in the car - last night it was getting her temperature and blood pressure done. It seems like she has such a mature ability to understand and such a strong desire to cooperate that she is able to repress her fear for a short time, but that, being three-years-old, needs to be able to release her pent up emotion in a "safer" situation in order to deal with it fully. The heartstring yanker is that when she does crumble into a puddle of tears, she will often cry out to Tony and I saying, "Help me be happy." She'll scream, "I don't want to cry anymore. Wipe my tears. Help me calm down." We've told her again and again that whatever emotions she has are right and however she needs to express them is okay. We've given her permission to hit us, scream, cry, whatever, but we still have to ask her to be still so that the procedures can be done. She is so precious because she WILL be still and wants very much not to be upset about it. She amazes us every day.

Specific prayer requests:
*For Morgan - to regain normal blood function soon and for protection from infection while we wait and for no relapse
*For Jennifer - relief from headaches and for no relapse
*For Enrique, Patrick, Zach, and Trey - for successful bone marrow transplants and that they receive strength and endurance for the entire family during this tremendously stressful experience
*That Michelle's baby's tests come back showing no major problems

Love to all.
Team Randel

Saturday, February 8, 2003 8:05 PM CST

Tomorrow marks the one month anniversary of Morgan's remission! She has felt terrific (except for one easily resolved ear infection) since. Throughout each night, Tony and I routinely check her temperature each time hoping it will be normal. Each time, it is. Each morning, we listen carefully for her little voice over the monitor in our bedroom and each morning, she wakes up and cheerfully exclaims, "It's light outside. I can get up now." You can't imagine the relief that sentence brings. Throughout the day, she is full of energy and happiness. What a tremendous blessing.

That's not to say that this time has been stress-free. When I wrote the other day that we are happier than we've ever been, it's not a result of what happens around us. It's a choice we've made - to be happy in spite of our circumstance. To look at what's right in our lives instead of what's not. We try very hard each day to keep the stress level and our emotions in check. Each of us this week have experienced being overwhelmed by the emotions associated with all the new adjustments. Each of us has a new way of life to learn and hard work to do, even Marlee. Our support people are feeling the strain as well. Morgan's working hardest of all. . . but she is well. Above all else, Morgan is well. When I try to look ahead to what might happen or try to figure out how it's all going to work out, I become paralyzed. THIS is the day for which I will be glad.

Tony and I watched a show last night that followed some surgical residents at John Hopkins around for a day. I can't imagine why anyone would put themselves through that ridiculous schedule with minimal pay to become a surgeon. I'm sure glad they do, though. Another HUGE thanks to the doctors and nurses. Your sacrifices are worth it.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Tuesday, February 4, 2003 9:28 PM CST

Wow! We're still at home!! Dr. Lockhart seems as amazed as we are each day that we are not admitted to the hospital. Most kids with AML spend at least the first two phases of treatment in the hospital with each phase lasting approximately 35 days. We could still have to go in at any time, but right now, we're at home! Hallelujah!

Morgan feels GREAT! She's got terrific energy and is eating and drinking very well. Our hardest things now are trying to keep her from getting bruised since she's running around everywhere, keeping things clean, and trying to get her to take a nap!! The last two days have been spent shuffling everyone to their respective doctor's appointments. Marlee had her six month check up and I had my annual. (Marlee, by the way, is doing terrific. She's eating three meals a day (baby food), still nursing, sitting up, wanting to pull up, and she loves taking steps while holding on to someone's hands.) Morgan also had to go to Dr. Lockhart's office both days, so we've spent lots of time in the car. It seems that Morgan's counts might already be beginning to rise, but we learned last time not to count any chickens quite yet. Each day I am thankful for the "Yes" answers to our prayers for protection.

Tomorrow we go back to the clinic (Dr. Lockhart's office) for the same thing we got today. Today's visit was hard. The routines of visiting the clinic versus staying in the hospital are very different, and for a three-year-old, the change isn't easy. She had just gotten used to the routine of "living" at the hospital. She knows the nurses and staff there and they know her. She knew the "safe" places and had specific toys and activities that helped her relax after a tough procedure. The clinic is a different environment with different people and different activities. We try very hard to strike the right balance between providing clear boundaries for Morgan and letting her have control over what happens to the extent that we are able. It's a very delicate dance around uncertainty. We'll all adjust, though - and then it will change!!

Tony was talking the other day about the difference between hope and bravado. Bravado seems to be what people use in place of faith; they try to convince themselves of their hope. At one time, Tony and I were reading lots of books teaching us to have a positive mental attitude (PMA). Bravado seemed to be the techinique of choice; the fake it till you make it. Hope is different. With hope, I am still certain that my prayers have been heard, but it feels more humble than bravado. Bravado would say that I KNOW that Morgan is cured and that she's not going to experience any more complications and definitely not a relapse. Hope says that I BELIEVE that to be true; if it's not true, well then it's not - but I hope it is. Bravado places faith in your own ability; hope places faith in a higher power.

It also occurred to us that the last three years have been kinda rough. Tony's mother's death, new baby, my father's and grandmother's heart attacks, unemployment, a miscarriage, cross-country move, September 11th, Tony's new job, new baby, my grandfather's cancer, and now we're fighting our child's life threatening illness and serious financial issues - that's a lot. Not as much as some, but when we look back at it, it seems like a lot. But I tell you this truly, we've never been happier. What we have absolutely outweighs what we don't, and the blessings keep coming in abundance. We are wealthy beyond measure and love flows in and around us. We have true friends and faithful relatives. One thing about being thrown into the fire is that you find out how much heat you can withstand - so far, so good. We'll keep you posted.

Keep the prayers and positive vibes coming. It's working.

Love to all.
Laurie

Monday, February 3, 2003 0:50 AM CST

Another great weekend at home! We had to take Morgan to the hospital each day to receive a shot of Neupogin, a drug to stimulate the growth of neutrophils, but it was quick and we've had a great time being home. Morgan still feels great and has not had any fevers.

Tony took her to the hospital today and had promised when we got home, that we could have a tea party. He bought some special cookies, brewed the tea, and bought a special new creamer shaped like a cow that pours milk from the mouth. It was the first time Morgan had ever tasted tea (decaf of course). Actually, it was more like a little tea added to her milk, but she seemed to like it. Marlee REALLY enjoyed the party. We used Morgan's little play tea set, so Marlee got to bang the saucer, cup and spoon on the table to her heart's delight. Marlee adores Morgan. Morgan adores Marlee too, especially since Marlee can't move around yet and Morgan can take toys and put them just out of her reach. It's been wonderful seeing them play together and laugh with each other.

I wanted to emphasize the fact that it was Tony's idea for the tea party. Now I ask you - how many fathers think about, much less follow through on setting out a tea party for their daughters? That's only one of a multitude of examples of Tony's amazing character as a husband and father. (In case the tea party example is a little too feminine for some of you, please know that he also bought her a remote control car recently!:o) ) Tony may not like me doing this, he's not much into personal fanfare, but I wish all of you could know how much I respect and admire him. We actually had an argument at 4:30 am a few mornings ago because Morgan had woken up and needed to be comforted and we each wanted to be the one to cuddle and hold her. He is our family's rock and has provided strength and endurance to all of us throughout this ordeal. I'm not sure why I'm trying to relate to you how wonderful he is, because words sure aren't adequate.

Tony, this experience would be unbearable without you. Thank you for being the captain of our team.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Thursday, January 30, 2003 at 10:39 PM (CST)

Here ends another day at home. That's right, at home. We were allowed to come home from the hospital yesterday since this round of Morgan's chemo is over and she is still feeling terrific. Her white blood count is on it's way down - she is very immune suppressed right now, but she has not gotten an infection, is eating well, and has terrific energy. Tomorrow, we go into Dr. Lockhart's office to have her counts checked and maybe get blood and platelets if she needs it. We will have to go back into the hospital as soon as she gets a fever or other type of infection and will be there until her counts come back up. We have been truly blessed to go this long with her feeling good - 20 days!! I am so thankful for this time. At times it pops into my memory that she has cancer. Today I saw a picture of her with hair and it didn't look like her. I am so proud of her. She grows more and more beautiful each day. I want to tell some of the stories of late, but I'm not sure how to put them in a good order, so please forgive the free-flow of thoughts.

**********

Oral medicines have been a struggle. I think the biggest thing that disturbs Morgan about these is that she's afraid they will make her "urp" (that's our word for it). At times, when she knows the medicine is imminent, she will cry and run away, bargain with us, beg, plead, etc. trying to get out of it. We always tell her what a terrific job she did when we're finished and usually call someone so that she can tell them all about it. Sometimes, when Tony asks her to calm down, she will just suck it up and suddenly calm down. Yesterday, I asked Morgan if she wanted to give me some medicine and she said, "Yes. And try not to whine about it." As she was preparing the syringe, I said, "But I don't want to take it." She answered, "I know. I know. But it's important." I marvel at her bravery and compassion.

***********

On Wednesday, before we left the hospital, Morgan was feeling great and wanted us to take her on walks and wheelchair rides all around the hospital. She took some bubbles with her and as we'd approach someone, she'd slow down and blow some bubbles at them. She was very pleased when people talked to her about the bubbles. Once, we passed a little kiddo who was not happy. She said, "I need to cheer him up with some bubbles." I marvel at her positivity and friendly nature.

************

Tuesday night, we were watching one of her Veggie Tales movies for the umpteenth time that day - it was "Josh and the Big Wall," the Bible story of Joshua and the wall of Jericho. Tony and I were getting ready for bed and Morgan pointed her thumb at herself and exclaimed very matter-of-factly, "Dad. I have God. He's taking care of me." I marvel at her faith.

************

The other day we had a problem with one of her tubes. There seemed to be blockage just under the skin and they had to adjust it to get it working again. It took about 30 minutes all told and the whole ordeal was very upsetting for Morgan. The nurses worked very hard to keep her comfortable and calm, but sometimes there are just unavoidably nasty things we have to endure. At the end of it, the nurses had been talking together saying that they were going to flush the line with some Heparin (sp?) so that they could remove it. We had to wait for a few minutes for someone to get the flush and Morgan asked, "Where is the heparin?" Her attentiveness surprises me. When it was all over, Morgan wanted to go out into the hallway to tell the nurses who had just worked with her that she wasn't so upset anymore and that everything was okay now. I marvel at her endurance and forgiveness.

***********

We offer prayers of thanks for the wonderful times we've had through this and for the silver linings that we've been granted. We ask for strength and endurance individually and as a family to make it through any upcoming struggles as we ride this out. We also pray for guidance in ways to use this hardship for a greater good.

Side note: Please pray for my father (Larry Bradshaw) who experienced chest pain last Sunday night that ended him in the ER. Although he did not have a heart attack, his cardiologist wants to evaluate him further to make sure he's okay. Also, my grandmother (Marfabelle Bradshaw) was released from the hospital to my aunt's house last weekend. She had been in for a few weeks due to complications resulting from her diabetes. Please pray that she continue to improve and be allowed to go home soon. Maybe we should just make it a blanket prayer for the overall health of my family this year! ;o)

Love to all.
Team Randel

Tuesday, January 28, 2003 at 03:30 PM (CST)

Morgan is doing very well. We have two more doses of chemo to go for this round and so far so good. She has not had any fevers or infections yet and is still eating very well. She has great energy and her attitude is tops! She has to have eye drops every two hours during the day (and every three hours at nighttime); sometimes she gets very bothered and upset, but tolerates them very well and tries very hard to keep her eyes open. She maintains a better attitude and perspective than I imagine most adults would.
If she stays infection free, we may get to go home again on Wednesday. As soon as she gets an infection, they will begin strong antibiotics and once those have started, we have to be in the hospital until her counts rise again. We anticipate that to happen within two or three weeks.

If you did not get the opportunity to see Tony's last entry, make sure you visit the history page. It was an inspired writing that encouraged me greatly.

Please say a special prayer of protection for Enrique and Patrick (other kiddos with AML). Also, please pray for my father who experienced chest pain on Sunday night and went to the ER. Thankfully, he just had fluid built up around his heart (no heart attack). Give thanks for Morgan's continued protection from infection and for her terrific attitude.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Monday, January 27, 2003 at 05:21 AM (CST)

"Once more into the breach, dear friends."

Morgan is to be readmitted today for another round of chemotherapy. This one will be for 2 days, followed by another wait-and-see period to watch her counts come back.

Morgan has been so good, so healthy, so herself, lately that we find ourselves thinking, "we're done." Sadly, we have found that the mortality rates on this disease don't drop off until around the 2-year mark. While we truly believe that Morgan has the cards stacked in her favor, relative to the odds given the general population, we've read about how cancer takes its victims seemingly indiscriminately after diagnosis. Sometimes the worst candidate, someone unhealthy in habits, attitude, body, and spirit will come through with flying colors, while the ideal candidate withers.

That's why Laurie and I have decided to treat the time we have with Morgan as precious and fleeting. We have stark reminders every day now that our time may be limited. So, as soon as she is healthy enough, we're going to start packing as much life into as little time as we can; traveling, playing, visiting family and friends. If we are only going to have a few years with this little angel, we're going to have a lifetime of memories of her.

The thing that occurred to me recently is that hope is stronger than fear. Hope is stronger than fear. I may get it tattooed on my arm. We've had great fear since December 5th, but we've always had great hope as a family. For us, hope had a head start on fear. We've tried bravado, but that's not the same thing as hope. Bravado is what you use when the fear blots out everything else and you just don't have the time to curl up and cry. Bravado is just a veneer one puts on fear, but it just doesn't work for very long. Hope is the key. While we are listening to our darkest fears, our hope will never let fear rule us. Hope we've always had in great abundance and hope is what will get us through the toughest times.

That, and the great people who have rallied around us. We thank God for you.

Love,
Team Randel
www.randelfamily.com
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Reminder to Austin area folk: if you wish to donate blood to the Central Texas Blood and Tissue Center, you can come by my company's blood drive on Thursday the 30th. Also you can give blood or REGISTER AS A BONE MARROW DONOR at "Rock and Roll Up Your Sleeves" with KLBJ on February 14th at Saturn of Austin off of 183 & Duval. Morgan does not currently have an exact match should transplant be necessary. Maybe you're her match!!

Sunday, January 26, 2003 at 09:30 AM (CST)

We've had a terrific few days at home. We are preparing for our return to the hospital tomorrow. Morgan is doing very well! She's had a little nausea, but that's really all we've seen so far. She has very good energy and has not gotten any new infections. Thanks for all your prayers and positive thoughts!!

Tomorrow we start two more days of chemo. After that is when her counts should for sure come way down. I anticipate a longer stay this time, but it seems like at home we are able to limit infections a little easier than in the hospital. The infections that she's likely to get when she's neutropenic come largely from bacteria that are extant on her body or in her mouth, but are normally kept easily in check with white blood cells. Of course we have to be extra careful about environmental contaminates with careful handwashing, proper food prep, and trying to keep Marlee from chewing on everybody and everything!!

Marlee seems to be developing some new teeth. They haven't broken through yet, but everything looks like a teether to her. She's mostly mastered sitting up! Once in a while she takes a tumble, but less and less often. She and Morgan have had a great time playing together while we've been home. Morgan absolutely enthralls Marlee and can keep her occupied for a long time! Morgan is learning to share with Marlee. If there are six books, Morgan will give Marlee one. Marlee is quite content with that for now.

I want to say a special thanks to those of you in our neighborhood who are providing meals to us. If you aren't aware, Piper Williamson has organized 22 different families to cook for us and has scheduled meals for us through May! That is such a wonderful service and has not only made things easier, but has given us something to look forward to. ALL the meals that we've had have been TERRIFIC! I really appreciate all the effort that people have gone to for that! Thank you, thank you!

Please give thanks for Morgan's protection from infection and toxicity during this time and pray for another good round. We are keeping in mind that even though things are going well right now, the odds remain 40 to 60% that a relapse will occur. Sometimes that happens 18 months to 2 years down the road. We do know that the specific cytogenetics of Morgan's leukemia (t9,11) is reported to respond very well to chemotherapy alone. This is far from over, but we know that God is with us and will guide us in our fight.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 at 10:53 PM (CST)

Whew!
Well, we're back at home. Morgan is still feeling very good. It's a bit hectic getting discharged, packing everything up (especially when we had moved in as if we were staying a month), getting Morgan's prescriptions filled and getting home in time for dinner & a bath before bed. Also - tonight while I was eating dinner, I read an article in Reader's Digest about unnecessary infections that are sometimes caused by poor handwashing/cleaning practices especially in the hospital and it's sent me into "germ warrior" mode.

I didn't realize how psychotic I could be until this. Sunday, there was an article in the Austin American Statesman about the water in Barton Springs Pool having very high levels of benzene. Benzene is the environmental contaminate thought to be one trigger for leukemia. I called the editor, Texas Cancer Registry, and made sure to mention it to Dr. Lockhart (who, by the way, is way ahead of me on this). And now, this article in Reader's Digest. Tony and I already have a game plan for our return to the hospital on Monday for asking people to be extra careful about sanitizing before they work with Morgan. She will probably be very susceptible to infection by that time and we want to make sure to take every precaution possible. We know, of course, that sometimes infections are out of our control, but we feel like what we can control, we should try to. For the most part, the staff are all very good about making sure to wash up, but we have caught a few oversights, and every little bit helps. When we do double check to make sure someone has washed or cleaned their instruments, they all seem to be receptive and appreciative of the reminder.

By the way, I want to take a moment to thank all the people who are working together for Morgan and our whole family. The doctors and staff at the hospital truly seem to have Morgan's best interests at heart and seem genuinely concerned about her. I have an intensified respect for those working in the health care industry. Without their diligence, dedication, and concentration, this would be a much, much, harder ordeal. Each person seems to bring his or her unique strengths to the forefront to help heal not just Morgan's body, but Morgan as a whole. Thank you!

Off to bed. Please pray that Morgan be protected from infection during this time and that the next round of chemo go smoothly and that she rebound quickly.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 at 10:43 AM (CST)

Good Grief! Sorry it's taken so long to get a new update! We've been very busy. Even now I'm typing with one hand while I feed Marlee with the other!

We came back into the hospital on Monday after a glorious 10 uneventful days at home. We started our "Consolidation" phase of chemotherapy. The terrific news is that Dr. Lockhart felt like for various reasons that we could give Morgan a less toxic chemotherapy that was previously planned without compromising her care!! This is Morgan's second day and she is feeling very good! She has a little ear infection and has had a little bit of nausea, but medicines are miracles and our biggest problem is keeping up with her. She wants to run around all day - down to the playroom, to the nurses station, to the trains, etc. - and it's a little frantic keeping up with her tubes and trying to keep them untangled.

(I've finished feeding Marlee now and Morgan is pressuring me to take her for a spin in a wheelchair.)

I'll try to write more tonight, but the short of it is that we are going to get to go home today for a few days and will have to come back in about 5 days.

Love to all.
Laurie

Friday, January 17, 2003 at 05:20 PM (CST)

Well, we went in for Morgan's check up and bone marrow aspiration this morning. They also did an intrathecal(directly into the spinal fluid) chemotherapy treatment. The great news is that we are now back home for a couple more days!! We have to go back into the hospital starting Monday for our next 35 days of treatment. Since we're starting this one much healthier than last time, we are hoping it will be a little smoother. Morgan did a terrific job this morning! She still doesn't love any of the procedures (who would?), in fact, she hates them, but she's beginning to develop good relationships with the doctors and nurses - especially Dr. Lockhart. We've told her that we will be going back to the hospital to sleep starting Monday and have some special games and toys that we won't play with until we get there. She is looking forward to seeing the nurses and to having them play with her again. She's been talking about Nurse Chandra and Nurse Kristin since we got home and will be glad to see them.

She looks really good. She's getting stronger every day and has been eating well - even trying a few new foods - which for any 3-year-old is a feat in itself. Last Monday, our Candlelighters representative (an organization supporting families of children with cancer) mentioned that we could recommend Morgan for a wish (it's for children with life-threatening illness - not terminal). We've been talking to Morgan about some possible wishes. We talked about maybe going to New York to meet Elmo and be on Sesame Street or going to DisneyWorld or swimming with dolphins. Today - who knows if it will be the same tomorrow - she says that she really wants to swim with dolphins AND go to DisneyWorld. We'll see. It's been good to look beyond this and come up with some things to look forward to.

Well - my pager's going off (Marlee's crying).

Love to all.
Team Randel

Thursday, January 16, 2003 at 05:18 PM (CST)

We have been home since last Friday and all of the cliches like "be it ever so humble" or "there's no place like home" ring true. These last few days have been like a Caribbean cruise, a European vacation, and a Swedish massage all rolled up in one. There's nothing quite like a protracted hospital stay to make you appreciate what you have - what we all have - that is good in our lives that gets lost in the noise that is a typical day.

While Morgan still has to take a lot of medicines while we're here, she is beginning to do them by herself (insisting upon it, in fact). I think that the foundation of "home" has given her the confidence to allow that. She's a little self-conscious about having lost her hair. She will mention it in a sort-of preemptive way to anyone who comes by the house. We went for a nice walk the other day. Her little arms and legs are so skinny after 5 weeks in bed.

We are back to the clinic tomorrow for another bone marrow biopsy. This involves a general anesthesia and (as I understand it - they don't let us watch this one) the driving of a needle into Morgan's hip bone to extract the marrow. She never seems the worse for the wear after one of these, amazingly. Sounds pretty intrusive. This is the 3rd or 4th one they've done. The biopsies tell us, definitively, whether there are any cancerous cells present in her marrow. Assuming her counts have continued to rise, Morgan will be readmitted and will continue chemotherapy treatment sometime next week. By the way, her WBC count (from Monday's visit to the clinic) was 5500, with 55% of those being neutrophils.

I'd like to thank the people at my work for the generosity, encouragement, patience, and flexibility they've extended to us since this all began. Among other things, my company has organized a blood drive on the 30th of this month and made a generous contribution to the Ronald McDonald house. Many have also contributed to Morgan's medical fund. You can't know what is on a person's heart every hour of every day, but you all have shown me your inner spirit and it makes me glad that I work with such fine people. I look forward to the day we can bring Morgan and Marlee by the office again to see everyone! You all have been great and I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you so much.

I hope this message finds you all well and happy and enjoying each and every day of this new year!

With love,
Team Randel

Wednesday, January 15, 2003 at 10:02 PM (CST)

Again, I've been meaning to update you sooner, but I have more to do now that we're at home.

We've had a terrific 5 days at home!! Morgan's feeling really good and we're all breathing a little easier. On Monday, Tony and I took Morgan to Dr. Lockhart's office for a checkup. Her blood work showed near normal white blood cells, half of which were infection fighting cells!! She's also making platelets, which are often the last to recover after a bout of chemo. Very, very good news. Her legs and arms are still very thin, but being at home, she has to walk around more and has enjoyed "running" from the living room to the playroom. She's even finding it easier to take her medicines. She's not as nauseated and has a better appetite. We've been doing lots of indoor activities - games, play-doh, movies - and Daddy's even taken her for a couple of walks in the neighborhood.

Our time at home has been so therapeutic for everyone. It's nice to remember what the goal is. Dr. Lockhart's office is located within Children's Hospital, so we visited our old haunts on Monday when we were there. As Morgan recognized some of the scenery, she would say, "This is where I live." We've taken a line from "The Lion King" - "Home is where your rump rests." We love our house, but our home is wherever we all are together.

Both Marlee and Morgan's colds seem to be resolving themselves. On Friday, we will go in for a check-up and probably our scheduled bone marrow aspiration. This is performed as day surgery, so we will most likely come home that evening. If all looks as it should, we will most likely be readmitted Sunday or Monday for our "Consolidaton" phase which involves chemotherapy cycles much like the first couple of times. We will probably be in the hospital for another 35 days or so. I'm not sure what happens after that, so right now, we'll just look ahead the next 35 days. Please pray that Morgan tolerate these rounds of chemo even better than the first time and that her recovery be swift and she be protected from serious infections. Also pray that we maintain our perspective and spirits as we enter another stressful time.

Again, we want to thank everyone for their support and prayers. I want especially to send my appreciation to the people at Tony's work. Your willingness to work with Tony on his schedule as well as your individual demonstrations of support and concern have been invaluable to our family. I'm not sure how we would do it without that cooperation. Thank you!

Love to all.
Team Randel

Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 04:54 PM (CST)

This is out of chronological order (sorry) - it was written last Thursday, before we went home. Read Laurie's subsequent entries to get up to date!
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After a very difficult, unhappy weekend and a few days of what we thought was slow recovery, we finally have some great news. Morgan is officially in remission! Her last bone marrow aspiration showed no signs of any cancerous cells, her WBC count is 2500 and her absolute neutrophil count, or ANC, is 800. The latter is the actual number of white blood cells she has available to fight infection. Less than 500 is "danger zone," and 1500 is normal. Remember that, up until this last blood test, she had 0 (zero) neutrophils. Eight hundred (and counting) is considered "safe."

As in, "safe to go home!"

That's right - if we experience no additional setbacks, we will very likely get to go home this weekend, for at least a few days. While we're very excited about this news, we have to temper our enthusiasm by reminding ourselves that we still have about 5 months to go in the treatment regime. To use a track-and-field metaphor, we've successfully gotten a good jump out of the blocks and now we've started the race.

Relapse is always a possibility (as much as we'd like to deny it) and Morgan will soon begin another round of chemo that will wipe her blood cells out again. We'll be back to wearing masks and fighting the infections that result. We just don't know what tomorrow will bring.

But since we're taking things one day at a time, we will bask in our good news now. Today is a glorious day!

Once again, I would like to pause just a moment to say how humbled we are by the donations, assistance, kind thoughts, and prayers that so many people have generously bestowed upon us. I would like to especially thank Laurie's parents, Larry and Gloria Bradshaw, for being our bedrock. They have been shuttling back and forth from Abilene, and slept, eaten, spent $$$, etc. completely at the mercy of our needs. We shall never be able to thank them sufficiently. Laurie's sister Amber has also been an angel and has a special way with Marlee that is reassuring to us as over-protective parents. She has also done so much for us that a mere "thank you" just seems insufficient. But "thank you" just the same.

May God bless you and keep you!

Team Randel
www.randelfamily.com

Sunday, January 12, 2003 at 07:25 PM (CST)

Today's been Morgan's best day so far! She has eaten some food - 3 pear halves, a couple of bites of "basagna," two tablespoons of oatmeal - and has kept it all down!! She's been awake most of the day and has had a fair amount of energy! Taking medicine has not been as much of a battle; Morgan had gotten to the point that even the thought made her sick to her stomach.

Right now, Tony is working on making some chocolate dipped strawberries for desert! I'm not going to spend too much time here tonight.

We are relishing in the moment and enjoying the day that we've been given! Praise God!

Love to all.
Laurie

Saturday, January 11, 2003 at 05:52 PM (CST)

Sorry we haven't updated in a couple of days, but we've had lots of activity and I just haven't had a chance. Even now, I should be doing other things, but I was thinking about how you all are probably wondering what's up.

We were discharged yesterday and last night was our first night at home since December 5th. Morgan's counts were great and even better, the super sensitive test that they ran on her bone marrow showed no detectable trace of the leukemia. Again, she's not fully recovered yet, but she's at a safe place and she's feeling very good! Our biggest obstacle right now is getting her to eat something. She's really been interested and trying today, but so far, she's only been able to keep minute amounts down. Just the mention of taking medicine makes her start gagging. We got some super duper (expensive) medicine and we're hoping that helps her nausea.

She spent the night in her own bed last night and slept very well!! She came into our bed around 4 o'clock this morning and we had some good talks about what's happened this last month. We're glad to be home.

But . . . we know this is not the end. We have to go in to Dr. Lockhart's office Monday morning for a check up and will probably start our second phase of chemo at the end of next week. The next round will be very similar to the first except that Morgan's not going in to it as sick as she was last time. We will probably be in the hospital another 35 days and Morgan will once again get to the point where her body has no ability to fight infection on it's own. If everything goes perfectly, we still have about six months of therapy ahead of us. There's danger and uncertainty ahead, but we're not afraid. It is evident that there is a Higher Power working for us and many of you are His instruments.

Your physical and spiritual help during this trial have been indispensible. We look forward to the day when we can repay or pass on the kindnesses that have been shown to us. Thank you!

Marlee, who has been the faultless wonder-baby through this whole thing, has finally given in to some of the stress. She has caught a cold that is making her miserable. We've got some medicine that is making it tolerable, but please continue to pray that she heal quickly and that Morgan be protected from infection.

Again, I'll write again as soon as possible.

Love to all.
Laurie

Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 03:06 PM (CST)

Morgan is in remission!!

Her counts are good - in the safe range, but not the normal range yet. She's not fully recovered, but we are well on our way.

There's still a long hard road ahead in making sure that the cancer does not return - more chemo and more hospital time, but the possibility is that we will be able to get home for a few days this weekend.

I'll try to write more tonight, but I wanted you to know!

Love to all.
Team Randel

Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 12:02 AM (CST)

I'm too tired for a long detailed message, but Morgan had a wonderful day!! She's got 4 neutrophils and 4 bands (baby neutrophils (out of 100)!! She needs between 25 and 35! She feels much better and has been playing lots today. She's not had any pain or anxiety medication in over 24 hours and she seems very comfortable.

Marlee does have a runny nose, cough and sneezing. Please pray that Morgan be protected from further infection and that Marlee recover quickly.

Give thanks for two pieces of financial good news we received today. Too tired for details - but there is hope in this area.

Please pray for Jennifer. She is the 14 year old girl with AML. She was diagnosed in September and is at the end of her third round of chemo. There is concern that she may have a serious infection. Please pray for her protection and health.

Love to all.
Laurie

Tuesday, January 07, 2003 at 11:27 PM (CST)

Good news! The results of today's bone marrow aspiration were negative. That means they do not see any new leukemic cells! Whew! That is a very, very good thing!!
There are some blasts (baby cells), but they are expected and may even be the neutrophils and platelets that we are hoping for in the next few days. Once again, it's wait and see.

We're still concerned about Morgan's mouth, but we're going to get some outside specialists to look at it (thanks to some contacts through my cousin) and hopefully get some idea of how to make it better. There are a few other concerns, but all in all we are much relieved.

The best news of all is that Morgan felt like sitting up and playing for a little while today! She's still not back to where she was last Thursday, but we will take what we can get! She opened a couple more presents and had a blast playing with them. The art therapist came to look at some of the paintings that Morgan has done while she's been here and was very impressed.

I started this message 6 hours ago. Since then, Morgan slept for a little and then we had to go down for another CT scan of Morgan's sinuses to make double sure everything's okay since she's having some trouble breathing. She was terrified, but amazing!! I can't express the pride and awe I have for our brave, strong little girl. She is doing what needs to be done!!

It's time for bed so I'll sum it up. Please continue to pray that Morgan be protected from infection and that her counts get to the right places. Pray that Marlee, who has been coughing and a little grumpy, does not have a virus or something of the sort. Give thanks for the good news of no bad news and please pray that we continue to receive strength enough for each day.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Monday, January 06, 2003 at 10:18 PM (CST)

There's so much information from today it's hard to know where to start.

Morgan has experienced a number of problems recently.
1) Her breathing and heart rate have been abnormally high. We think that has been due to poor pain management and we are attempting to correct that situation. It's kind of trial and error and currently we're still working out some kinks, but we've got it mostly in check.
2) Her abdomen has been distended and uncomfortable. She had an ultrasound earlier today that showed no significant problems other than a large buildup of gas. She's also had diarrhea, which we are treating with Immodium. She's getting Mylicon drops for the gas. She seems more comfortable than before, but we're still looking for other things that are causing the trouble.
3) Our biggest concern right now is her swollen gums. Much of her mouth is swollen and on the right side of her mouth, her gums are swollen over her teeth. We have had this tested for a herpetic infection (like she had before), but that culture has come back negative. There is an unlikely possibility that this is caused by a return of leukemic cells. In order to rule this out, Morgan will undergo an unscheduled bone marrow aspiration tomorrow morning. If there are no leukemic cells present, we will keep working to find out exactly what the source of the problem is. If there are leukemic cells, then it means that Morgan has had a relapse prior to a full remission which is extremely rare. This would be a very bad thing.
4) Her WBC counts look slightly better than yesterday - 2100 WBC with one neutrophil. We've still got a few days before her counts would be expected to rebound, so we're not too worried about that.

Please pray that the leukemia has not returned and that the doctors be able to identify and treat Morgan's symptoms and that her counts return to normal and she be declared in remission.

Today I received an email prayer from my cousin that really spoke to me. Here is part of it:

Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy.
Where there is self-doubting, release a renewed confidence in your ability to work through them.
Where there is tiredness or exhaustion, I ask you to give them an understanding, patience, and strength as they learn submission to your leading.
Where there is spiritual weariness, I ask you to renew them by revealing your nearness, and by drawing them into greater intimacy with you.
Where there is fear, reveal your love, and release to them your courage.

We have been truly touched by your messages of love and concern in the guestbook and through email. Thank you.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Monday, January 06, 2003 at 01:53 AM (CST)

My heart is so weary at this moment. I so wish I could tell you how thankful and encouraged that I am, but I'm standing here, at the foot of her bed with tears streaming down my face wondering if this is what I'm supposed to be writing in this journal. Should I be burdening all our friends and supporters with the reality of this horrible thing?

Morgan's third birthday was less than great. She did not feel good for most of the day. My parents, aunt, and sister were here with us for most of the morning at the ready with presents, cake and candles and with high hopes. For about 45 minutes, she felt good enough to sit up and open a few presents. The nurses came in and we sang, "Happy Birthday," Morgan made a wish, and blew out all 5 (yes 5 - that was how many she wanted) candles in one breath.

The rest of the day was spent much like many others here so far. Dr. Wells (our on-call doctor) came in for about an hour and talked with us at length about some of her problems of late. We are back to the narcotic, Dilaudid, for pain, but the dosage that she was responding fabulously to before doesn't seem to be doing a thing for her now. Her gums are continuing to swell, even to the middle of her upper palette. Her belly is once again distended, probably from a gas build up exasperated by the fact that she has not felt like walking since Thursday. Her temperature has been spiking again. In fact, she looks frighteningly like she did one month ago today when we were first diagnosed.

I'm scared. I'm just flat scared. It is so unbelievably hard to watch her suffer and not be able to do a damn thing about it. I know, I know - things could be worse, there's lots to be thankful for, we have to hold on and think positively - I know; but I'd sure like to have some other way to make things better. All Tony and I get to do in times like this is wake her up every four hours or so to change her diaper, give her medicine and be someone to yell at; and that job is something we each eagerly anticipate. We both want so much to hold her, play with her, tell her just how special and beautiful she is. We want to indulge her to the point of spoiling her, but can't always because we have to be the "enforcers" much of the time. She does seem to find some comfort in the discipline, much the same way a normal toddler does, but it's a little harder on us since the things we're asking of her are way outside the norm.

Okay - things to be thankful for:
1. Prayer - ours and yours - we know it's powerful and that God is good.
2. Morgan's spirit - even when she feels horrible, no matter how much she hates it, she always does what she needs to do. She is smart and determined and communicates her needs and wants well.
3. Each other - we have a strong family and this trial is only pulling us closer together.
4. Our supporters - we have wanted for nothing since this whole thing began. We have received so much support, food, gifts, donations that our cups overflow. There are no words to express how thankful and comforted we are by you and your heartfelt concern and help.
5. Modern medicine - although the treatment that Morgan's receiving is harsh, it's something. Thirty years ago, they wouldn't have been able to do anything at all to help her.

There's much more to be thankful for, but I'm starting to think about sleeping once again. We love you all and I look forward to writing something happier soon.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Saturday, January 04, 2003 at 11:44 PM (CST)

Well, we're back to a couple of not so good days. Lots of Morgan's medications were changed on Thursday night in anticipation of us getting to visit home for a few hours on Friday working towards a possible discharge this weekend. We were so looking forward to taking her back home if even for a little bit just to help her remember where we're supposed to be. She got a fever, however, early Friday morning and her gums swelled down over her teeth on the upper right side. We think it's another infection, but the cultures have to grow for a couple of days before we'll know for sure.

Also on Friday, some of her medicines were changed to help us combat nausea so that she might start eating again. She ended up so sedated that she slept pretty much for 24 hours straight. Of course she didn't get to eat at all since she was so sleepy. Then today she seemed to be having trouble breathing again. So now she's back on the IV nutrition, back on lots of antibiotics/antifungals, back on oxygen and we've given up hoping for a discharge in the near future. Her white cell count rose to 1900 yesterday and is at 1700 today. Still no neutrophils. We really think that her counts will begin to rise in the next 7 days. That will probably alleviate lots of these other problems.

Morgan is remarkable!! We went for another chest x-ray this evening. In the past, Morgan has been very intimidated by the big machinery and has fussed during the whole procedure (although she ALWAYS has done what she needs to do). This time, however, she had the routine down! She got right up on the platform, stood back against the board, put her hands in the right place and was ready long before the x-ray techs were. She even reminded Tony and I that she needed a mask before we left the room. She is truly doing everything in her power to make herself well. Earlier today when Dr. Wells (Dr. Lockhart's collegue)came in, Morgan asked Tony and I to be quiet so that she could talk to him. She wanted to talk to him about her cancer and about how the medicines were going to make it go away. She is an absolutely amazing almost 3-year-old and is participating fully in her healing.

Tomorrow is Morgan's birthday. I am praying for a great fun day.

Love to all.
Team Randel

Thursday, January 02, 2003 at 02:45 PM (CST)

I've started a new message each of the last few days, but have never gotten very far. Morgan has been having some really good days! Her WBC count is still around 1000 and we've not seen any more evidence of neutrophils, but we're hopeful and expectant each day.

Her spirits have been great the majority of the time. Yesterday she wanted to go for a wagon ride. We went outside in the "Healing Garden" and rode in circles down there for a little and then moved on to look at the train set. There was a little 3-year-old named John running around watching the train go in and out of the tunnel and just laughing and hollering. That excited Morgan so much, she got out of the wagon and started running along behind him. She looks quite unsteady on her feet since she hasn't been on them for over a month, but it was terrific seeing her want to run!!

"But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles.
They run and don't get tired.
They walk and don't lag behind."
Isaiah 40 (The Message)

Today Morgan was able to visit the playroom for a long time. Her play of choice since she's been able to go down there has been to paint. She has made some beautiful paintings. Today she got down and dirty and turned the tempera paints into finger paints. It was wonderful to see her squishing the paints in between her fingers and smearing paint all over the paper and table. Afterwards, we had a nice warm bath and now she's taking a very peaceful nap. We're relishing in the little things.

Morgan is showing signs of acceptance and appreciation for the help that the doctors and nurses provide. She enjoys chatting with the nurses and helping them push the syringe to put medicine in her "tubies." For a long time, Morgan has been saying, "When I grow bigger, I'm going to turn into a mommy." Yesterday, for the first time, she paused after that and added, ". . . or a nurse."

Please pray for Morgan's white blood counts to continue to improve and for her marrow to begin to grow just the right amount of neutrophils. Pray that she continue to be free of secondary infections and that she begin to eat and drink and be able to keep food down. Give thanks for her renewed spirit and the protection from infection that she has received.

Today we learned that Enrique has been readmitted to the hospital. Enrique is a 3-year-old boy with the same diagnosis as Morgan. He was diagnosed 5 or 6 months ago and has been in remission the last couple of months. There has been possible evidence of a relapse of the leukemia and so he is undergoing some testing. Please pray for him and his family. Pray for God's continued presence in their lives and for direction for us on how to best encourage them.

Also, please join us in praying for some of the other children that we've come to know: Jennifer, that her spirits improve and that she be encouraged and hopeful; Patrick, that he be declared in remission and that the next rounds of chemotherapy go smoothly; Zach and Ben that they continue to feel good through treatment and that their examples as children coping with cancer continue to be an encouragement to others.

Thank you for your messages of love and encouragement. Your part in helping us get through this is not small and is as necessary as any other. Thank you! Thank you!

Love to all.
Tony & Laurie

Monday, December 30, 2002 at 10:37 PM (CST)

We had a pretty good day today!! Morgan was in good spirits for most of the day. She had a nice bath and spent some time painting. Painting has been a nice outlet for her. She has been truly expressive through it - some days she sticks with brown and black and other days are more colorful.

Her WBC (white blood cell) count dropped from 1100 yesterday to 900 today. Not a great sign, but not really anything to be too alarmed about either. Her rash seems to be clearing up - we think it was from one of the antibiotics, but we might never be exactly sure as she is on so many and has had quite a few changes in the last few days. We have been able to slow down the time between pain medication and she has only had a low grade fever - probably not indicitive of an infection. People have been very good to wear masks and wash up and make sure that she is protected.

The formula for us being able to get home for a few days are no fevers or infections, good blood counts, and Morgan eating and drinking. She is not eating yet, although she is interested. She held a small Ritz peanut butter cracker sandwich for a few hours today, but never took a bite. She is drinking some water - a few ounces a day. We are praying that it be possible for us to get home if even for one night before the next round of chemo starts. I think it would be good for all of us.

We continue to be amazed at the generosity shown to us. Thank you, thank you, thank you! We've been watching lots of Veggie Tales movies and are learning many lessons through them. One recent realization came from the story of Joshua and the wall of Jericho. Even though it seemed ridiculous that marching around the wall would knock it down, the Isrealites just kept walking and trusted that God would take care of them. As you can imagine, our bills are already HUGE. Every once in awhile, I find myself trying to figure out some angle through which we can pay our bill; for instance, it occured to me that if Tony and I got a divorce, we might then qualify for Medicare!! But then I realize that we don't have to come up with a plan of our own. All we have to is "keep walking" and be listening for God's signal. He will provide all our needs.

One more story. Today Tony went to the bank to open up a separate account so we can stay organized. The gal that he was working with before wasn't in so he sat down with a different guy. Turns out, this man's sister had AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia - same as Morgan) when she was 4 years old. She is now 26 and is a kindergarten teacher here in Austin. He was her bone marrow transplant donor through which she was finally cured. Coincidence? Hmmm...

Love to all.
Laurie

Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 04:16 PM (CST)

It's a quiet moment. Morgan is in and out of sleep, Marlee is sleeping, and Tony is resting.

Before I finished that sentence, Morgan woke up and needs a diaper change, Marlee woke up and needed her pacifier replugged and Tony got up to take a bath.

That's about how it is around here - moment by moment. I'm noticing from my last paragraph that a few of you may make note that Morgan is, of course, back in diapers. She potty trained herself about a month after Marlee was born and was totally independent in the bathroom, but it's just too much to ask from her right now.

It's been a couple of days since the last entry and we've had some great times and some not-so-great times since. Last night we had a "Glove-ball party." Nurse Kristen and Mr. Brad came in and we listened to "Jungle Boogy" and bounced balloons made from exam gloves around the room. It was nice to feel kind of normal and happy. Morgan's tummy got pretty hard late last night - full of gas and fluid - so they gave her a diuretic and she promptly shed a lot of water. This morning we went down for an x-ray of her abdomen and nothing was abnormally abnormal. We had been trying to stay ahead of her pain with medication, but found out that sometimes, constant pain relief can exacerbate bloating which leads to more pain and discomfort. Her last dose of pain meds was this morning and we will give her another when she exhibits obvious pain again. She did get nauseated today for the first time, so she got some medication to relieve that.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I just realized that earlier today they told me that her fluid intake and outflow was all caught up, but they just gave her another dose of the diuretic. Then I realized that due to some changes in her orders, she hasn’t really been receiving much fluid through the day, so I called the nurse in to make sure I understood all that so that Morgan doesn’t end up getting dehydrated. Turns out, the nurse (not one that normally works this unit) had hooked her back up to the saline drip, but forgot to turn the pump on. I think we’ve got it all worked out now, and maybe it would never have been a problem, but it reminds me to stay alert and diligent.

Sorry this entry is not as positive and hopeful as most of them are (and will be). I just want to make sure that people don’t get the wrong idea that this is a walk in the park. Most of the time, we want to make it seem that way and we are convinced that our positive attitudes are helping Morgan to get well, which is what this is all about. It’s impossible, however, to describe how horrible this is.

To end on an up note – I know that Morgan is getting better and that God is carrying us through this (“through,” not “to” – this is not our destination)!! Her strength and sweet spirit shine as brightly as ever! She is the bravest, strongest person either Tony or I have ever known and she is working harder than most of us will ever have to. What a true hero!

Love to all!

Friday, December 27, 2002 at 09:05 AM (CST)

So far Tony's been the one writing the updates, but today I'm going to give it a go.

Wow! Words cannot express the gratitude that Tony and I feel for the concern, support, and prayers that have been shared with us during this time of need. Morgan (& Marlee)received a tremendous amount of Christmas gifts and Tony and I have already received a considerable amount of money to help with some of these expenses. It is humbling to be in such a position, and humility is but one of the lessons that we are being taught in this experience. We are so grateful that we have been surrounded with such wonderful friends and family. I'm sure that you each understand that we would love to personally thank each of you for your kindnesses, but have found it impossible to keep track of everything since caring for Morgan and Marlee consumes all of our time. Please know that we sincerely appreciate your gifts, help, and prayers.

Morgan's day was up and down yesterday. She had two or three times in which she was awake, alert, and happy for 30 minutes to an hour. We've noticed that when she's not feeling particularly good, she says things like "I'm just a baby! Waa! Waa!" and then when she's better she'll sit up and say, "And now I'm Morgan again. Renember(sic) when I was a baby yesterday?" We've explained to her that she has cancer and that all these things that the doctors and nurses are doing are to make her cancer go away. When she's lucid, she talks at length about it and reminds each doctor and nurse that "I asked Nurse Chandra if I could go home when I don't have cancer any more and she said, "You betcha!""

That's another thing. The doctors and nurses that are taking care of us are tremendous! In this experience, each person uses his/her strength to help Morgan get better. Dr. Sharon Lockhart is Morgan's oncologist and she is brilliant and nurturing. She is concerned not only about Morgan's white count, but about Morgan as a whole. We've had such an attentive and caring nursing staff and have made some terrific new friends. Thanks to each of you for your part in helping our little girl get well!

Morgan seems to be responding very well to the treatment. As far as we can tell at this point, the chemotherapy wiped out the cancerous cells, and the medicine that she is now getting (Neupogin) is stimulating the good white cell growth. It's a waiting game for the next couple of weeks to be sure, but it all looks good right now. This doesn't however mean that we are done. I would love to rip the tubes out and take her home, but that's just not how it works. We will be doing various chemotherapy treatments for at least the next 5 months to be sure that it's been taken care of. Hopefully we won't be in the hospital that entire time, but we will do whatever it takes. Morgan did develop a rash yesterday that may be an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics, but it's hard to tell. Please pray for her continued comfort over the next couple of weeks as her body works hard to recover it's infection fighting mechanisms.

There are three other children with AML in the green unit with us right now. Jennifer is 14, Patrick is 11, and Zach is 12. Please also pray for their protection and healing. Specifically, I am aware that Patrick's need is white blood cells which only his own body can produce. Please pray for him.

Morgan had a restless night last night, but she has been sleeping comfortably for a few hours this morning. I have to wake her up now to change her diaper and take care of her mouth. I really dislike having to mess with her when she is so peaceful, but we gotta do what we gotta do.

Love to all!
Laurie

Thursday, December 26, 2002 at 10:51 AM (CST)

Santa was very good to Morgan this year (thank you to those of you who donned the red hat on her behalf!). Morgan was very impressed with the Santa who came by our room yesterday. She said "wow" with that awe in her voice only a little kid can muster. The grand prize went to the scooter Santa brought her. One day about 6 months ago, Morgan was feeling blue and I asked her what she wanted to do. She said, "I want to open presents." Well, she has Christmas presents she won't even see until May or June now. I'll be ready for her if she makes that request again! Thanks again!

We found out the Marlee is not a match for bone marrow. Laurie and I have both been typed as well and we should find out next week if either of us match. There's only like a 1-in-8 or 1-in-16 chance that either of us would match, however. So, extra rounds of chemotherapy are likely in her future - rather than the bone marrow transplant. The type of leukemia she has responds with almost as much success to the extra chemo as it does to bone marrow transplant, so that is good news, at least.

The randelfamily.com website has been updated. Also wanted to let you know that we've cancelled our home phone service and have cell phones now. The numbers are:

Laurie - (512) 775-9725
Tony - (512) 775-9683.

http://www.caringbridge.com/tx/morgan
http://www.randelfamily.com
http://www.cancer.gov/cancer_information/cancer_type/leukemia

Tuesday, December 24, 2002 at 05:36 PM (CST)

Christmas Eve:

We have had a great day today! Morgan played with her Play-
Doh for about an hour - while standing up! She talked at length about how the medicines in her "tubies" (central line) are going to make her cancer go away. She even said "okay" to one of her many daily rounds of medicine - which was fortifying. She seems to be beginning to understand that the medicine is good for her and will make all this end sooner.

Morgan's Uncle Alan was here with her today - which she greatly enjoyed. They painted and played together for most of the day...in between naps and Veggie Tales movies, of course!

Merry Christmas to everyone!
May God bless you and keep you,
The Randels

Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 09:44 PM (CST)

Morgan has completed her second round of chemotherapy and is now in the waiting stage. We will be in the hospital for about 20 more days, watching and waiting for her blood counts to rebound. That will be the first opportunity for Morgan to get out of the hospital and maybe get home for a couple of days.

Her spirits have been better the last couple of days and she will wear herself out playing with Play-Doh or playing computer games if we let her. She is still uninterested in eating or drinking and we're told this may last until the sores in her mouth go away completely.

A friend and coworker of mine, Terry Adelstein, sent me an email a while back that really touched me. The week before Morgan was diagnosed, I was working on this verse - rewriting it to fit our family and planning to frame it for a Christmas present. It seems terribly ironic now since our little girl is in the hospital, fighting for her life. Let me just say that Laurie and I are now very glad that we have always chosen spending time with each other and our children over other pursuits. I hope that by peeking in on our tragedy, others can be moved to make each moment count with the ones who mean the most in their lives.

--------------------------------------
This morning, I am going to step over the dirty laundry, pick you up and take you to the park to play. When we get home, I'll leave the dishes in the sink and let you show me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

This afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and turn the computer off, and I'll sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles with you for as long as you want to. If the ice cream truck comes by, we will run outside to catch it and buy a treat and I'll just smile at you when you rub some of it on your face and in your hair. I won't worry what you are going to be when you grow up, or second-guess all the decisions I have made where you are concerned.

This evening, I will hold you in my lap and tell you a story about how you were born and try to convey, in vain, how much I love you. Then I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won’t try to fix the ones that aren't exactly round. I will let you stay up late while we lie on a blanket in the back yard and count the stars. I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows. I will let you splash in the tub and not get grumpy when you get the bathroom rug all wet.

This evening, while I run my fingers through your hair as you pray, I will be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given. I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the ones sitting in hospital rooms watching their children suffer, and those who are visiting their children’s graves instead of their bedrooms.

And, when I kiss you good night, I will hold you a little tighter and a little longer. Then I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day.
--------------------------------------

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 09:43 PM (CST)

I'm going to recap where we've been for those who haven't made it onto the first couple of emails I've sent. So "apologies" to those for whom this is a repeat:

At 1:00 AM on the morning of the 2nd, Morgan woke up with a fever. We took her to the pediatrician that afternoon and we decided to treat it like a normal viral infection. Marlee had her 4-month checkup that next Thursday, so we were told to bring Morgan back in if things didn't look any better. Thursday, she was pretty much the same so Laurie took her to the doctor's office for a blood draw. By the time Laurie swung by my office for us all to go to lunch, Morgan was unable to walk or even stand up without a lot of pain. The doctor's office was closed for lunch, so Laurie headed home and then got the call for us both to get to his office as soon as possible. He told us she very likely had leukemia.

A normal white blood cell count is between 6000 - 12000. Her cell count was at 109,000. By the time we rushed to the Children's Hospital and had another blood test done, the count had grown to 169,000. Steroids were administered and the levels dropped to 69,000 and then 58,000. Unfortunately, Morgan has a less common and particularly aggressive sort of cancer (Acute Myloid Leukemia or AML) and the counts shot back to 198,000 within 3 hours. Because so many cells had to be killed off, Morgan developed a problem called "Tumor Lysis Syndrome." That's where the kidneys, liver, etc., are at risk of damage because of all the chemical and other waste byproducts produced by so many destroyed cells in the bloodstream. The next day (Friday) she had to go into surgery for a spinal tap and intrathecal chemo treatment, a bone-marrow biopsy, and a central line. Chemotherapy started the moment the central line went in. That night, all the stress and strain and imbalances in her blood very nearly took our little girl away from us. But, thank God, she made it through the night and, after a few other setbacks throughout that week, got back on track. I believe that Laurie being home with the kids and seeing the changes in Morgan in a timely fashion saved our baby's life.

Currently, Morgan is in her 2nd round of chemotherapy. The plan is to wipe out the blood cells with chemo and then let them come back. Sounds simple enough, but there are literally dozens of drugs and this will happen several times in the next 4 months until a bone marrow donor is found (we will find out if Marlee is a match this week). This 2nd round will finish this Friday, she will have another surgery similar to the first, and then we'll wait several days while her blood counts come back. This will be the first opportunity we'll have to (cross your fingers) go home for a couple of days. We've been told, however, that we should expect to be here for the next three months. During the entire chemo treatment, secondary infections are a serious concern due to her suppressed immune system.

She's really doing as good as can be expected right now, though her spirits are in constant need of attention. The fact that she is such a smart kid has almost been a drawback. She decided at one point that the nurses didn't like her because they were always poking her and making her take medicines, and she was also afraid that if Mommy touched Daddy with the medicines, he would get sick too. But she reminds us to wash our hands now and is asserting herself as well as she can, which we can only take as a sign that her spirit is still intact. She's starting to get an appetite back too, but has some pretty terrible sores in her mouth caused by the chemo and exacerbated by the herpes infection she caught when her white count was at zero. Then, there's the nausea, of course. But she hasn't had a fever in 48 hours and her breathing and heart-rate have stabilized so that she doesn't have to wear a breathing tube anymore. Her hair is beginning to fall out, so Laurie went today and got her hair cut short. I'm going to let Morgan shave my head with a pair of clippers when she feels well enough to do so.

We're basically living in the room with Morgan now. There is a cot and some cushions, and we have a crib for Marlee. Laurie has had the emotional trials, getting above the reality of all this at times, while I am apparently internalizing and falling apart physically, having to wear a surgical mask while in the room because of the various infections I've come down with.

As I've said in previous emails, no pride or fear will stop us from asking for what we need to support our little girl. We're going to ask for what we need and hope that someone will be able to help - or that they will know someone who will be able to help. We have received a lot of assistance from Laurie's family here in Texas and others have offered to come to Austin to help us out with our daily needs also. For that we are profoundly grateful. At some point money may become an issue in the quality of healthcare Morgan can receive. This is especially true at the time of bone marrow transplant. I anticipate that a charitable foundation will be setup soon where people can donate to aid Morgan directly or, if money does not become an issue for us, to further the study of leukemia treatment. I'll certainly let you know about that when it becomes available. There is also a site that is or will be available soon - www.caringbridge.org/tx/morgan - that will be used for updates, messages, and education.

Please be patient if we do not return individual replies right away and use teamrandel@cs.com for all correspondence. Please pray for Morgan and send your positive vibes our way.

May God bless you and keep you,

Team Randel

Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 09:40 PM (CST)

Hi everyone - I certainly wish I did not have to write you this note. Morgan, who most of you have met, has "Acute Myloid Leukemia" - of the "Myocytic" variety. This is a less common kind of leukemia and is a more aggressive kind of cancer than the more common "Lymphatic" variety. Thus, her treatment regime is more aggessive as well. This trial started early Monday morning with what looked like a simple fever, maybe a little virus. She saw the pediatrician on Monday afternoon and he thought the same, counseling us to bring her back on Thursday (when Marlee was getting her 4-month checkup) if it didn't get any better. Thursday, she was in good spirits, but by the time the blood was taken for testing, she was unable to stand up or walk without a lot of discomfort. The results came back - her white cell count was 109,000 (a normal count is 6-10K). By the time we rushed over to the Childrens' Hospital, her count had grown to 169,000. Steroids tapered their exponential production and she peaked at 198,000 on Thursday night. The next day, a central line was put in, a spinal tap was done, her spinal column was treated with a chemotherapy drug, and a bone marrow biopsy was taken. Intravenous chemotherapy began the moment the central line was in place. Some complications developed after surgery and chemo (tumor lysis syndrome) that gave us a horrible scare. We really came close to losing our little girl that night. But everything good that could realistically happen has happened since then and she thrilled us last night by eating a cup of ice cream and watching a couple of movies. Her pain and nausea will in all likelyhood ebb and flow throughout the chemo treatment and she will likely lose her hair by the end of the month. (Don't be suprised if your network admin goes bald about that time!) We are in for the long haul as her treatment at the hospital will last 6 months. Laurie and I will be staying in the room with her and will set up camp in the Ronald McDonald house down the street. Our spirits are high, the care Morgan is receiving is top-notch, and we are fortunate enough to have a lot of loving and caring people in our lives who have already provided us a lot of support.

Visitors are not really recommended as her white cell count will be hovering around zero during her treatment. But I will be communicating our progress and milestones via email. We will also make any requests for assistance to a distribution list of people who are in a position and of a mind to lend a hand. Pride is not something that we will be exercising during our efforts to minister to our daughter - so what we need, we will be asking for. If you would like to be on this progress/needs list, let me know. In any case, please send your prayers and positive thoughts our way.

Morgan is a strong-willed and healthy little munchkin and she will beat this!

Team Randel

Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 07:08 PM (CST)

Friday, December 20, 2002 at 06:03 PM (CST)

Morgan was admitted to Children's Hospital of Austin on December 5, 2002, and diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. AML is an aggressive form of blood cancer and must be treated aggressively. She has begun chemotherapy and has had surgery three times. Her white cell count is extremely low and she is vulnerable to infections. She cannot have visitors at this time. Her parents, Tony and Laurie, along with baby sister Marlee are living with her at the hospital at the present time. She cannot have flowers or presents due to the danger of infections. The doctors hope to bring the cancer into remission and then begin a search for a bone marrow donor. Members of the family have been typed and we are waiting for the results. The parents appreciate the many prayers and acts of kindness which have been offered. We will probably set up a foundation to assist the parents with the massive financial obligations. Please continue to pray for Morgan along with Patrick, Jennifer and Zachary, three youngsters on the same floor who are battling this dreadful disease.