History

Thursday, January 14, 2009 10:26 pm CST

Wow, Im sorry it has taken me so long to get an update on here. I do have a blog now at www.vietnamjolea.blogspot.com which I post at very frequently. 2008 was an awesome year for our family. I have come to a point where I am at such peace. It seems like it just hit me one day, as well as Joey. Colt forever lives in our hearts and our memories. Although it has been 4 years the memories seem to stay so fresh, and I'm so thankful. I don't want to forget a thing. I can still hear his voice, I can hear him sing, because he was such a singer. He loved praise songs, and a little batman every now and then. Oh, and I will never forget his favorite "I fought the law and the law won." I actually have a recording of him singing it and I listen to it often. God has definitley brought Joey and I through a very difficult storm, but we held fast and it has only strengthened our faith, our relationship to each other, the way we parent our children, and just the way we look at life in general. Our God is a great God!

Before I go, I want to ask everyone to please be in prayer for a little boy named Nate. He is the son of a friend of mine who I went to highschool with. Several weeks ago he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He has had several complications and is in ICU at this time. He has began chemo, but his little body has not been able to flush the chemo out of system so the chemo has not been started again at this time. They are hoping to start again this week while he is in ICU to monitor the situation closely. Nate is 2 years old, but from what I hear he is a fighter, and his family are fighters. Their faith in God is amazing. So please take the time to pray for them, asking God for a miracle. Also, pray for the team of doctors who are taking care of Nate.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 7:46 AM CDT

Happy Birthday Baby Boy! WE LOVE YOU!

Thursday, September 11, 2008 4:20 PM CDT

Hi all, I just want to remind everyone that September is childhood cancer awareness month. Please go to curesearch and join the virtual walk. Together, we are determined to reach 12,500 and honor all children diagnosed with cancer!
Also, September 13th is childhood cancer day. So please take the time and pray for all of the children who are undergoing treatment, and also remember those who have passed away and their families. Chili's is also doing the create a pepper fundraiser for St. Jude's, and on September 29th they will donate 100% of profits to St. Jude's.

Remember: One Goal. One Month. One Person.

Walk for One to Make a Difference in the Lives of 12,500.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 10:11 PM CDT

I received an email tonight from our CureSearch team leaders and the "Caroline Pryce Walker Conquer Childhood Cancer Act of 2008 allocating $150 million ($30 million each yr. for the next 5 yrs) toward childhood cancer WILL BE SIGNED BY THE PRESIDENT, GEORGE W. BUSH!" I think I'm still in shock. This is just so amazing. We have been praying for so long for this to happen. Praise God! He is the One who deserves all the glory and praise. I can honestly say I see the cure for neuroblastoma in the near future.

I have been writing letters and calling representatives and senators for the last 4 years, and so often would get frustrated and doubted whether or not I was wasting my time. Colt was my encouragement, and all the children who are still loosing the battle. I didn't give up for them.

Also, thank you Tim and Donna. You guys have worked so hard for the last 5 years. Your hard work and dedication is amazing.

Saturday, June 14, 2008 10:03 AM CDT

I just wanted to add on here, for those of you whom I haven't already shared the news to, The Caroline Pryce Conquer Childhood Cancer Act has passed the House and apparently it was unanimous. This is such great news! The bill authorizes $30 million annually over five years. Now it is on to the Senate. Please be in prayer with all of us that the senate will be moved to pass this bill. Then it will be on to the President for signing it into law. Praise God, this is such great news for us and most of all for the 12,000 children who will be diagnosed in the next year.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008 9:38 PM CDT

Summer is finally here! It has been so hot. The kids are in the pool all the time too. Luke and Jolea had their last day of daycare today, so they are out until next year when they start "big school." As of now we are counting down the days until our big trip to Disney World. We got the free disney DVD in the mail the other day and started to watch it, and I began to tear up. Don't laugh, I know that sounds crazy, but Disney is such a special place to me. Just hearing the music brings back so many special memories of Colt. Not only did we take him to Disney with Make a Wish, but he loved anything disney, especially Buzz lightyear, Woody, and Mickey Mouse. If watching this video makes me cry you can only imagine what I will be like when I'm there. It will be very emotional for me, but I still love being there. Even though he is not physically with us, I'll feel him the whole time I'm there. He'll be everywhere. That is one of the reasons I love going so much. Joey's brother and his family will be there the same time as we are as well. This is our 3rd trip, and are already beginning to think about when we'll go next year. I'm going to take my laptop and will update and post photos while we are gone at http://www.vietnamjolea.blogspot.com.

Friday, May 23, 2008 0:57 AM CDT

Sorry it's been over a month since I've posted on here. I tend to post more on our family blog these days, and leave this site mostly to share about our journey without Colt, and this new life we began on December 14, 2004. You may wonder why I'm still up at 1am, but it's just one of those nights where my mind doesn't seem to want to rest. I've struggled with many sleepness nights since Colt passed away. When it started my mind would replay over and over the night he passed, and would often change the scenario and even to outcome. Now my mind gets flooded with memories, or what I've done that day. Sometimes I just get to thinking to much. During the day we stay so busy I don't have the time to sit and think about Colt not being here, but it's the evenings when I miss him the most. I wish sometimes I could hold him and kiss him. I used to give him these little kisses right on the bridge of his nose. A few minutes ago I went in to Lukes room to just watch him sleep, I kissed him, and told him how much I loved him. I hold Luke a lot, even though he is 4 now. I feel at times he is all I have left of Colt, so I hold him close. He's my boy. A lot of people laugh at how much I baby Luke and how I "can't seem to cut the cord" but it's much more than that. I have that fear of loosing him. I'm not real sure why, but it's there. I know how easy it is for someone to be there and life is just how you want it and you wake up the next day and they're gone, and your life is forever changed. Tragedy can strike at any moment. That is why we as a family do not take one minute for granted. We stay close, we love each other, we make the most of every minute. We know we are not promised tomorrow on this earth. We know that life is not fair. So next time you see me hugging and kissing on my babies, you know why.

This weekend marks 5 years since we found out Colt had cancer. It was memorial day when we took him to the emergency room and found out there was a tumor in his stomach. That was the day our life was turned upside down. But in that moment when our life began to spin, God began to move in our life. He was never rattled nor suprised that Colt had cancer. God began to show us things. He opened our eyes and revealed to us who we were in Him, and not who this world had molded us to be. It has taken me this long but I'm finally beginning to see and understand who I am and what Gods purpose is for my life. I'm also beginning to see how everything that happened to us including Colt's life has played it's part in Gods plan for me. He has shown us that just when we think that life is empty, He fills it up. God used Colt as a vessel of His goodness and of His faithfullness and continues to do so, and we thank him for that. What has seemed like such a burden to bear has now taken the shape as blessing that we as family are very thankful to be a part of.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008 10:26 AM CDT

While we were in San Antonio over spring break we were in this restaurant eating and Luke began telling me one of his stories. If you are around Luke a lot you know that he can come up with the most amazing stories and memories out of nowhere. He started telling me this story of he and JoJo. He said they were riding down the road. He and JoJo were driving in their own trucks. Then this big truck started coming right for them. He said he jumped out of his truck, but JoJo didn't see him jump and JoJo was hit by the other truck and he died and went to heaven. I think I was a little floored by this story. When he tells you these stories he is really moved by them like they are actually true. He was really concerned that JoJo didn't see him jump out. I think about it a lot and wonder if maybe he could be feeling a little guilt or if maybe he is picking up feelings of guilt from me. Luke really loves his brother and talks about him all the time. He tells so many stories about him, most are made up, but I think that is all he has. I don't really think Luke has many memories of him, but he definitely feels like he does. I take him to the cemetary at least once a week, and he often reminds me that JoJo isn't there. That only his train is. If I say we're going to see JoJo, he'll tell me "JoJo is not at the cemetary, but I'll go see his train." He's smart as a whip, and tries to clue Jolea in on some of it. She just agrees with whatever he says. Anyway, if you think about it, say a little prayer for Luke.

Friday, March 21, 2008 9:23 AM CDT

Easter. It is on Sunday. I remember the last Easter we spent with Colt. It was so cold, and he was feeling so good. We thought the cancer life was behind us. Although it was freezing outside we still had the most amazing egg hunt at my cousins house. He had a blast and of course he was the star of the show.

When we think of Easter we think of eggs and the Easter bunny, but what some of us forget is the real meaning of Easter. We forget the fact that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross and then resurrected. We forget the fact that Jesus is still alive today. Mary, Jesus's mother is always on my mind this time of year. As I think about the pain I went through, I can't imagine what she went through. Watching her child suffering. When He was born she knew this was a child that God did not intend for her to have a lifetime. Just like Colt. I feel God did not intend on us having him very long. I know we prayed for a miracle and you may think that God failed us, but he didn't.I am completely at peace allowing Him to have the final say. It isn't because I'm so super-spiritual or because I have a more direct line to God than anyone else. It is because He tells us we can trust Him with our lives, and I simply choose to believe Him. Believe me we wanted to be the leper who ran away with clear skin or the blind man, but God wanted to give us a different kind of miracle. And so, three years later, here I sit. Many of you have asked how I am so strong. The answer is that I am not strong, but my God is, and He is in battle for me. My end of the deal is held up by praising the One who has chosen me to walk this. And I do.

I pray that this Easter Sunday finds you peaceful,and joyful. I pray that if you are taking painful steps today, you are reminded that the Lord has walked them ahead of you, knowing what waited for Him up ahead. Take courage and know that He walks as closely to you as He did to the crowds, 2000 years ago.

Happy Easter!
Christi

Monday, February 25, 2008 2:18 PM CST

I have to tell you about a new song by Randy Owen, who is a big St. Jude supporter. All of the proceeds from this song will go to the hospital. For any of you who have had children with cancer, you will understand completely (even if they were boys).

Braid My Hair lyrics
Randy Owen lyrics

She could be the first female president
Or be the doctor who�s experiment
Finds the cure to what she�s in here for
But right now treatments keep her sick in bed
That baseball cap never leaves her head
And while she sleeps I sit and dream
One day I asked her what do you wanna do when you grow up
I soon found out I wasn�t dreaming big enough

She said, I�m gonna ride my bike, I�m gonna climb a tree
Gonna fly a kite, score running little league
I�m gonna go to school, make a friend, be able to run again
Take off my mask and just breathe in the air
But most of all I�m gonna braid my hair

She could question God, Lord, knows I would
She could just give up, I don�t think I could be that strong or fight so long
How can such a little girl have such big faith
And even through the pain she still prays, saying, God will make a way

For me to ride my bike, for me to climb a tree
I�m gonna fly a kite, and score running little league
I�m gonna go to school, make a friend, be able to run again
And take off my mask and just breathe in the air
But most of all I�m gonna braid my hair that�s down to my waist
Then I�ll get it cut so they can make
Locks of love for some little girl who�s just like me
Wonders if she�ll ever be

Able to ride her bike, able to climb a tree
Able to fly her kite, and score running little league
Able to go to school, make new friends, be able to run again
Take off her mask and just breathe in the air
And most of all she can braid her hair
She can braid her hair

This song touches on the amazing faith and strength that these children have.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 1:46 PM CST

Hi all! I wanted to remind all of you of Gold Ribbon Days coming up this year in June. Joey and I are planning to attend this year. The dates are June 22, 23, 24. This event is not just for parents of children with cancer. It is for anyone who is willing to go and fight for your children and our children. So please check out the curesearh.org website and register if you would like to attend. If you can't attend you can also go to the website and it will help you compose a letter to send to your representatives in your state. We need them all to co sponsor the Childhood Cancer Act.

On a personal note, our family is doing good. We still live each day one at a time, and the pain of not having Colt with us each day is still very real. For those of you who read this who are walking this same path there is one thing I want to clarify. I was told by many that �this� would get better over time. I am not sure what I took that to mean but after three years the pain is still very real. So I guess what I am trying to say is that �getting better� does not mean �goes away�. I don�t think about Colt every minute of the day but I do think about him daily. Most of the thoughts are happy thoughts though.

Luke is about to turn 4 years old next month. Even though Colt never had his 4th birthday he still seems older than Luke. Joey pointed that out to me yesterday.

Luke, Jolea, and I watched a video of Colt the other day. It was our Make a wish trip. This was the first video I have watched in 3 years. It is just something that is very hard for us to do. That is why I would only do it in the privacy of my home. It was so good to hear his voice, and Luke was so excited to actually see his brother alive and talking. I plan to make all of our family a copy of this video. It has JoJo doing so many "JoJo" things. He sings Thunder Road, tells the story of the 3 little pigs, and much more. I can't for some of you to see it. Anyway, I'll update again soon, and don't forget about Gold Ribbon Days!

Friday, January 11, 2008 9:08 AM CST

Happy New Year! I forget to mention the new year in my last post. This last year has been a year of many blessings for our family. We also had a great Christmas this year. It seems thoughtless to say that but Gods grace allows us to enjoy these special times. Through a lot of prayer we brought home our newest addition to our family from Vietnam, Miss Jolea Mai Crow. She is a perfect fit into our family. Many of you know what a long and drawn out process it was to get her home, and we actually thought at one point that we weren't going to get her but our faith brought her home. You see faith is not believing that what WE want to happen will happen, it is about trusting God and His will for your life. We never worried about our adoption we only trusted God to do what He had planned for our lives, and look what happened. She is home. I'm looking forward to 2008 with excitement. This year is going to be a year of rest for me. Well, I say rest, but if you know my little ones you may wonder how. Thanks for checking in on us!

Christi

Monday, January 7, 2008 9:04 PM CST

I thought I should add a little update since it is long overdue. I also wanted to thank all those who remembered us over the holidays. I often wonder as time passes if people still remember Colt and still think about him. I don't think a day passes that I don't think about him. He changed me and alot of people and I still see those changes in some, but some have forgotten what is important and I've watched them forget. Thanks to all of you who still leave messages in the guestbook. Brea and I love reading them, and its nice to know that we are being prayed for. Also thank you to all of those who sent us cards just letting us know that you were praying for us. It meant alot to us. The last 5 years have been a journey for us and I'm ready for things to settle down. I've had a really hard time letting go, and I've recently realized that I actually haven't done it yet. I've realized that I have a hard time with Luke because I see so much of Colt in him. I baby him, and I'm paying for it. Joey has been getting onto me about it lately but he's my baby. I rock him, and hold him and pretty much let him do whatever he wants. The thought of him going to school in couple of years terrifies me. I've even considered home schooling him. I know, I'm crazy. I just can't imagine being away from him. I've recently had an opportunity come up, and I'm considering doing it. It would mean that I would be going back to work, as a nurse. After Colt passed I told myself I would never be a nurse again, but I think my experience has only made me a better one. So we'll see. I'm a little scared, and not sure about what to do as of now. The thought of change terrifies me. I haven't made a decision yet but I am looking for the answer in God's word. So when I find the answer I'll share it with you. So for now I'm still being Mom and I'm loving it. This is where God wants me for the moment. I believe he'll lead me to where he wants me to go. If that is still staying home then that's what I'll do. Thanks again for all the prayers.

Christi

Friday, November 2, 2007 9:30 AM CDT

It's that time of year. I have to confess that this is the time of the year that life tends to get really difficult for me. I have so many mixed emotions about the holiday season. Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been my favorite holidays. I love everything about this time of the year. The problem is that in the last 3 years the sadness really outweighs the joys. If you have never suffered such a loss you really won�t understand and that is okay. If you have, you know exactly what I am talking about. Colt had only a few holidays with us, and when we begin getting out all of the decorations, all I think of is him. We thought we were going to have one more Christmas with him in 2004, but we were wrong. I kick myself all the time for not letting him open his gifts when he asked to, and if we had only known we would have celebrated early. The what if's and regrets could go on forever. We have already decided that we will not be here for Christmas next year. Our family will be leaving as soon as the kids get out for Christmas break next year and leaving for Disney World. Christmas just isn't the same for us anymore. The joy isn't there, and it needs to be. Colt loved Disney World and we love it as a family, and we have so many special memories of him there. So, we know that while we are there at Disney we will be filled with all the happy memories of him. Our life will never be the same without him, and the holidays will never be the same without him. We are making new traditions for our family. Christmas should not be about the hustle and bustle of shopping and running from house to house. We need to stay focused on the real meaning and that is the gift we were given. The gift of Jesus Christ. I know Colt would not want this time of year to be a sad, and stressful time for us. He would want us to be happy, and thankful that Jesus came to this earth so we could have eternal life. He would want us to stay focused on the real meaning of Christmas and find joy in that, and not joy in what was wrapped for us under the tree. He would wany us to teach Brea, Luke, and Jolea what Christmas is really about. I know they get excited about new presents but I want them to be more excited about the birth we are celebrating. Thanks for checking in on us! And as this holiday season approaches I'll be trying hard to realize that these "lasts" will be replaced by many wonderful "firsts".

Monday, October 15, 2007 8:50 AM CDT

Happy 6th Birthday little man! We love you and miss you very much!!

Monday, September 24, 2007 9:56 PM CDT

Wow, it's been a while since I have done an update on here. Tonight we went to eat at Chili's. They will donate all the proceeds from tonight to St. Jude's for childhood cancer research. It was packed which was great. I am thankful that Chili's recognizes children with cancer during September. Many people have no idea that September is childhood cancer awareness month. This month we attended a benefit for a little boy locally who was recently diagnosed with cancer. We were able to give them a generous donation to help with the financial burden caused by having a child that is undergoing treatment. Without the benefit money we were given by people in our community and surrounding communities we would have never made it through. I had to quit my job at the time because the treatment for neuroblastoma is so intense and requires very frequent and long stays in the hospital, and Joey was always right there at my side. We are actually still trying to recover financially from that time. Please keep the Gibson family in your prayers. They have a long road ahead of them, and a very tough fight, spiritually and physically ahead of them. Also, keep the other 12,500 children in your prayers that will be diagnosed with cancer this year.

Thursday, July 12, 2007 10:35 PM CDT

We are finally leaving for Vietnam in 6 days! We will meet our daughter for the first time on my birthday, July 21st. I want to thank all of you who still check Colt's site. Sorry I haven't done many updates lately. I plan on updating more when our adoption is complete. I will probably just be using this site to share what amazing things God is doing in our life. I plan to go back to writing some of the devotionals that have written in the past. I have a journal that I started writing in when Colt was first diagnosed with cancer, and I still write in it nearly every night. I have alot in there that I can't wait to put on here to share so keep checking back for updates!

Please keep us your prayers.

Christi

Thursday, June 21, 2007 9:08 AM CDT

Sorry for the long break in updates. I have created a blog for our family and our adoption. It is at www.vietnamjolea.blogspot.com. I update it frequently with new pictures of the kids. We are finally getting close to traveling to Vietnam to bring home our daughter. We are expecting to hear our travel dates within the next couple of weeks, and hope to leave sometime in July. We are very excited about the trip, but a little nervous about the change taking place in our life. It will all be good though. Our friends the Cullivers left for Washington DC today for Gold Ribbon Days, so please be in prayer for them this week as they fight for research dollars for our children. Joey and I are planning on going back to Washington next year. It is time we jump back in there and fight for our kids and your kids. If you want to help in the fight against childhood cancer visit curesearch at www.curesearch.org. It is a great organization! I'll try to update sooner.

Christi

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 2:21 PM CDT

Wow how time flies. It's been 4 years today since Colt was diagnosed with cancer, and I remember that day like it was yesterday. Colt had not been feeling well on that memorial weekend. He had a low grade temp, and was vomiting a little. I was at Mom and Dad's house rocking him when I noticed a knot in his stomach. I immediately called his pediatrician and he didn't give me any answers so shortly after that we took him to the ER. When we got there he was very lethargic. Probably due to being anemic, because the tumor was taking in so much. The doctor did a sonogram of his abdomen. A little bit later the doctor came into our room with 2 nurses and shut the door. I've been in the medical field long enough to know that it wasn't good. He told us our son had a tumor and that is was malignant. He thought then that it might be Wilms tumor because it was on his kidney. We did our best to hold it together because Colt was in the room. We chose to go the Children's Medical Center in Dallas so we waited for the ambulance to come get us. I rode in the ambulance with Colt and Joey followed us. Our entire family met us at the hospital. We sat in the ER the entire night trying to get Colt to keep down the contrast so they could do a CT scan. After the test we were taken to our room around 6am. I remember walking through the doors and seeing the words "Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders" and I was still in disbelief" How could my son have cancer? Kids don't get cancer! He is only 1 year old! I'm only 25! Boy was I wrong. The wing was full of cancer kids! I was soooo scared! Little did we know our lives would be changed forever. But, also, little did we know how awesome our God is. We spent so much quality time with Colt and wouldn't trade that time for anything. We brought into this world a wonderful little baby boy who Colt thought was the greatest. Breanna had to grow up and face some facts about this unfair world but she is wonderful and loves her brother so much. We are soon bringing home a beautiful daughter from Vietnam. Colt lost his battle to cancer, but we'll see him again. If someone had told me that day that we would survive I would have laughed in their face. We thought our life was crumbling at our feet. We still have our hard days, but God's grace is sufficient. His love and strength is amazing. The day Jesus rose from his grave he defeated death, and soon Colt will too rise and what a glorious day that will be. Happy Memorial Day!

Christi

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 1:36 PM CDT

Wow how time flies. It's been 4 years since Colt was diagnosed with cancer. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Colt had not been feeling well that memorial weekend. He had been running a low grade fever and had thrown up a couple of times. I was at my Mom and Dad's sitting in the rocking chair rocking him to sleep when I noticed a big knot in his stomach. I immediately called his pediatrician and he didn't give me any answers at that time so shortly after that we took him to the ER. When we got there he was very lethargic. They did a sonogram of his abdomen, and shortly after the Dr. and 2 nurses came into our room and shut the door. I've worked in the medical field long enough to know that it wasn't good. He then told us that our son had a tumor and it was malignant. At that time he thought it might be a Wilms tumor because it was on his kidney. We did our very best to hold it together because Colt was in the room. Shortly after we left for Childrens. We sat in the ER there all night long. Trying to get Colt to keep down the contrast so they could do a CT of his abdomen. Around 6 am we were taken to our room. I remember walking through the doors and seeing the words "Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders" and was still in disbelief. I couldn't believe my son had cancer. We didn't realize but at that very moment our lives changed forever. What were we going to do? Was our son going to die? He is only 1 year old! I am only 25! Our lives have changed, but since then we have lived an awesome life. During that time we brought a wonderful little boy into this world who Colt thought was the greatest! We are so proud to be Colt's parents, and wouldn't trade a minute of the time we had with him. We have an awesome little girl who loved her brother with all her heart and still does. We have began the journey to adopt a beautiful little girl from Vietnam. And to think that at this moment 4 years ago we thought our life was crumbling at our feet. Look what the Lord has done!

Christi

Thursday, May 10, 2007 9:57 AM CDT

Sorry for the long break between updates. Not much is going on. We are still waiting for travel arrangements to go to Vietnam to bring home our daughter. Information missing from her paperwork has held us up.

Luke still thinks that we can fly to heaven on the plane when we fly to Vietnam, and bring JoJo home too. He says that JoJo can sleep with him, and Jolea can sleep in her bed. He also says when he gets bigger he'll go to heaven and bring him down. I think he misses him and wants his brother.

We did have a fundraiser for the Colt Crow and Seth Thomas scholarship on Saturday and did very well. Seth's mother will be presenting the scholarship at the award ceremony on Monday. Brea is having a double header that night and I don't want to miss it, so I won't be attending the ceremony.

We also had a blood drive on Saturday. I haven't yet heard how many donors we had, but it looked pretty busy most of the day so I'm sure we racked up some good donations. Many people don't realize how important it is to donate blood. Colt received so many blood transfusions throughout his life. We know a little girl who has to have a blood transfusion once a month in order to survive. She has a blood disorder and will require these for the rest of her life. So for those of you who think it is not important, or who are too scared, think again. It is vey important!

I have created a blog that I will be using to update everyone while we are in Vietnam. It is really cool and I'm able to post pictures too. You can read it at http://www.vietnamjolea.blogspot.com/

Happy Mothers Day!

Christi

Tuesday, April 17, 2007 4:15 PM CDT

CHILDHOOD CANCER NEWS:
Below I have posted what Congressman McCaul recently presented to the United Nations in regard to childhood cancer.

MCCAUL TAKES CHILDHOOD CANCER TO
CAMPAIGN TO U.N.
Austin congressman says governments should do more
to combat the disease.
By David Ho
NEW YORK BUREAU
Friday, April 06, 2007

UNITED NATIONS � Cancer in children is a growing global health threat, and the U.S. Congress and governments around world should do more to combat it, Austin Rep. Michael McCaul told a United Nations conference on cancer Thursday.

"Cancer kills every day and won't wait while the world looks for ways to kill it," said McCaul, a Republican who last month helped reintroduce legislation seeking $100 million for childhood cancer research.

McCaul spoke on the third and final day of the conference, which was intended to spread awareness of a worldwide increase in cancer and to help nations prevent, detect and treat the disease.

Diagnosed cancer cases are expected to more than double between 2000 and 2030, said Peter Boyle, director of the World Health Organization's International Agency for Research on Cancer. Speaking at the United Nations on Tuesday, Boyle said the reasons include growing populations, people living longer and an increase in smoking alongside inadequate health care in poor nations.

McCaul described a personal connection to his cause: His best friend in grade school in Texas died of leukemia, and McCaul's father also died of cancer.

But it was the sudden death in 2003 of 4-year-old Adam Culliver of Brenham from a rare form of leukemia that prompted McCaul's push for legislation, he said.

"Cancer kills more children than any other disease in the United States," McCaul said. "No parent should ever have to bury a child as a result of this disease, and no one, especially a child, should ever have to suffer as Adam and so many countless others have."

The House did not consider the legislation McCaul backs in Congress' last session. He said this time bipartisan support is growing for the bill, which would fund research, medical training, education for parents and a childhood cancer database for five years.

McCaul said Congress also should address barriers in cancer research such as federal rules that prevent successful drugs approved for adults from being used in children at lower doses.

After McCaul spoke, Liz and Jay Scott, directors of the Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation for childhood cancer, told about 30 participants about their daughter, Alexandra, who fought cancer most of her life before dying at age 8 in 2004. Their daughter started earning money to find a cure when she was 4 with her own lemonade stand. Since then, the foundation has raised more than $10 million.

Alex underwent an array of treatments, including stem cell therapy.

McCaul, who has opposed federal funding for embryonic stem cell research, said that position does not conflict with his push for cancer treatments.

"There are new procedures and technologies that are going to be available like amniotic stem cells," he said after his remarks. "We'll be able to get that type of stem cell line without destroying human life, and that would take the debate out of politics."

dho@coxnews.com

Saturday, April 7, 2007 11:09 PM CDT

Tomorrow is one of my favorite Holidays. It is Easter.
I have a greater appreciation for the Easter Holiday because I know what it feels like to lose a child, and to know that God willingly gave His Son for me is just a very awesome thing. Easter is also not one of those Holidays where people forget the real meaning.

Tomorrow we'll get up and get dressed up and head to church. I love dressing the kids up and taking their pictures.

It is going to be a cold Easter this year. Colt's last Easter was also very cold but we got out and hunted eggs anyway, and so we will tomorrow. We'll head to my mothers after church for a big lunch and egg hunt.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter!

Monday, March 26, 2007 12:51 AM CDT

We had a great weekend! Luke turned 3 years old yesterday. We had him a little party on Saturday and we took him to spend the day with Thomas the tank engine yesterday. We had a wonderful time and even his big sister Brea enjoyed herself. She wasn't so sure she would like all that Thomas stuff. She came home with 2 Thomas tatoos on her hands!

It's hard to believe we only had 3 years with Colt. As I look at Luke I wonder how I could ever live without him. I remember looking at Colt and thinking the same thing. I thank God everyday for giving us Luke. I don't know what Joey, Brea and I would've done without him when we lost Colt. We've been blessed beyond measure!

Christi

Beyond Measure by Jeremy Camp

The fog has finally cleared to see,
The beautiful life you've given me
To feel the breeze of my newborn's gentle breath
With one to walk hand in hand,
To share this life that you have planned
It's like a storybook with dreams
That are meant to see every next step is an extraordinary scene

I know that I've been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I've broken down and given You control

I've faced a great tragedy,
But have seen the works of what You bring
A display of faith that You give,
I don't know if I will ever understand
The depth of what it is You've done inside,
But I know that I won't find any worth apart from You

I know that I've been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I've broken down and given You control

Everything that I have
Has been given so unselfishly
And shown that even when I don't deserve
You always show the fullness of Your love

I know that I've been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I've broken down and given You control
When I've broken down and given You control

Wednesday, March 14, 2007 6:19 PM CDT

For this God is our God for ever and ever: He will be our guide even unto death. (Psalm 48:14)

I read a story in my devotional about a family in a Hindu village in India, the family had turned to Christ. Shortly after their conversion their child got very ill. The Hindu neighbors said the gods had cursed the family for changing religions. Though the Christians prayed hard for the child's healing, he died. But his funeral was such a triumphant event that through it the eyes of many of the villagers were opened. Their resistance to the gospel vanished, and they turned to Christ.

God answers prayer. However, what He does in response to our prayers is not always what we expect. Isaiah 55:8 says, "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord." In His sovereignty, He knows what's best in every situation, and sometimes does the unexpected. Like with this Indian family, they looked for victory to come in the form of healing, but found it in the death of their child, when others came to know Christ as a result. God knows the best outcome.

When Christ considered the horror of suffering that He would have to endure on the Cross, He naturally wanted to be spared, and prayed for God to "remove this cup" from Him. But He made it perfectly clear that He wanted God's will, not His own, to be done, and willingly submitted to it . From my own experience with the death of a child, I've learned that whatever my requests, I make them known to God, but I leave room, in my expectations, for His will. I Trust Him with all my heart, and with boldness of faith I pray as Christ prayed, "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not my will, but Yours be done."

Thursday, March 1, 2007 9:26 AM CST

Yeah! Spring is getting closer. I love spring! It would have to be my favorite season. Watching the leaves turn green, and the flowers bloom. I actually planted some tulip bulbs last year, and they are already coming up. I love it! We are still waiting for news of travel with our adoption. The waiting drives me crazy. Luke is turning 3 at the end of this month. I can't believe it. He is growing up so fast. He broke my heart the other day. I showed him a picture of my Grandma Streetman who passed away last July, and he couldn't remember her name. That is when I made a promise that I would not let one day go by without talking to him about Colt. I know how easy it is for him to forget. I asked him yesterday what his brothers name was. He said his name is JoJo, but memaw calls him Colt. Then I asked him "where is your brother?" He said "he's is heaven, and Jolea's in Bietnam" It was so cute. I only wish heaven was as close as Vietnam. Luke thinks Jolea and Colt are going to come and play with him. He's a mess. I've been reading a great devotional about taking back your life. It is really good and I plan on posting another entry about some of what I've learned from it later. For now, keep praying for our little girl in Vietnam.

Christi

Tuesday, February 20, 2007 9:15 AM CST

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

When life got him down, Asaph, one of King David's key men, cried out to God and asked Him some hard questions. He asked, "Will the Lord reject forever? And will He never be favorable again? Has His lovingkindness ceased forever? Has His promise come to an end forever? Has God forgotten to be gracious, or has He in anger withdrawn His compassion?" (Psalm 77:7-9). Asaph wasn't the only man in the Bible to ask God hard questions. In the Book of Job, we find that in his suffering, Job asked hard questions. After losing his family, and everything he had, he argued his case before God, but even when God's answers may not have been what he expected, he never lost faith.

Tragedy can challenge our faith and raise many questions. Questions like: Why is this happening? Where is God when it hurts? Why doesn't He do something? Where is the protection He promised? God isn't offended when we ask questions in our despair. He wants us to come to Him when we're confused. However, like Job, it's important that we learn to resist being critical of God, keeping in mind that He is the supreme ruler, the Most High, all-knowing, and in control of all things, including our lives.
So bring your heartfelt questions to God and ask Him to help you understand. But be prepared to accept His answers, even if they're not what you expected to hear And whatever you don't understand, acknowledge His authority, knowing that the God who created the heavens and the earth, loves you beyond comprehension, and is able to give you mercy and "grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).

Taking Back My Life �

Christi

Monday, February 19, 2007 6:09 PM CST

***I just read this tonight and wanted to add it to my post. This really makes me sick****

Budget Cuts May Hurt Children with CancerResearch is the Only Cure for Cancer��
In recent years, the amount of funding for childhood cancer clinical research from the federal government has been declining. In response to the most recent cutbacks, the National Cancer Institute has decreased funding which especially impacts childhood cancer research. As a result, the Children�s Oncology Group (COG), the world�s pre-eminent childhood cancer research organization, has been forced to put 20 new studies on hold and decrease enrollment in new clinical trials by more than 400 children next year.

After being told �your child has cancer�, as a parent, you want to hear �your child will receive cutting edge treatment and the very best that research has to offer."

For now, cuts will not affect children currently on treatment for childhood cancer.
Future patients will receive the current best known treatment available at each of the COG hospitals as a result of clinical practice standards made possible through COG research.

More than 90f children with cancer are treated at COG member institutions in the United States, the vast majority in a clinical trial. The collaboration of COG allows children with cancer to remain close to home for their treatment and care.

There is urgency in confronting the number one cause of death due to disease in children.
Everything that we know about saving the lives of children diagnosed with cancer has resulted from research. Forty years ago, cure rates for children with cancer were lower than 10Thanks to funded research 78f childhood cancer patients OVERALL are now able to be cured.

While the success is impressive, the status quo is not acceptable. Each year, more than 12,500 children and adolescents are diagnosed with childhood cancer.

At a time when breakthroughs can be made in treating all childhood cancer and the quality of life for children with cancer improved, the cutbacks in government funding WILL ENDANGER the development of new clinical trials and threaten progress in curing childhood cancer.

For the first time since its founding, the decrease in funding to the Children�s Oncology Group places research in a DANGEROUS position where studies and accompanying laboratory research that hold promise WILL NOT take place.

Each day that pediatric cancer research goes unfunded or under funded, the road to discovering new treatments and cures becomes longer, putting children at risk.

Research is the only key to the cure.

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

When life got him down, Asaph, one of King David's key men, cried out to God and asked Him some hard questions. He asked, "Will the Lord reject forever? And will He never be favorable again? Has His lovingkindness ceased forever? Has His promise come to an end forever? Has God forgotten to be gracious, or has He in anger withdrawn His compassion?" (Psalm 77:7-9). Asaph wasn't the only man in the Bible to ask God hard questions. In the Book of Job, we find that in his suffering, Job asked hard questions. After losing his family, and everything he had, he argued his case before God, but even when God's answers may not have been what he expected, he never lost faith.

Tragedy can challenge our faith and raise many questions. Questions like: Why is this happening? Where is God when it hurts? Why doesn't He do something? Where is the protection He promised? God isn't offended when we ask questions in our despair. He wants us to come to Him when we're confused. However, like Job, it's important that we learn to resist being critical of God, keeping in mind that He is the supreme ruler, the Most High, all-knowing, and in control of all things, including our lives.
So bring your heartfelt questions to God and ask Him to help you understand. But be prepared to accept His answers, even if they're not what you expected to hear And whatever you don't understand, acknowledge His authority, knowing that the God who created the heavens and the earth, loves you beyond comprehension, and is able to give you mercy and "grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).

Taking Back My Life �

Christi

Thursday, February 15, 2007 12:20 AM CST

Whatever you do for the least ...
A little boy about 10 years old was standing in front of a shoe store window, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.

A lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?"

"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boys reply.

The lady took him by the hand and went into the store and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy.

She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with a towel. By this time the clerk had returned with the socks.

Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she bought him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him.

She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?" As she turned to go, the astonished boy caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears in his eyes, answered the question with these words: "Are you God's Wife?

�Unknown

"And the King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' "Matthew 25:40

Monday, February 12, 2007 10:59 AM CST

Do you think if you knew it was the last time you would say goodbye to somebody, and the last time you would here them say anything, would you do it any different? Sometimes I tell myself I wouldn't have done it any differently, but I often replay that night over and over, and I do it differently each time. I've come to realize that that night was exactly the way it was supposed to be, exactly what Colt wanted. I have beating myself up over and over for going shopping that night. What kind of mother would leave her child, as sick as he was, and go Christmas shopping. We were told by our hospice nurse that Colt would likely go while we were out of the room. She told us not to be surprised if we went to the bathroom and came back and he was gone. She said that kids tend to hang on while their parents are in the room. So, I know that it happened the way is was supposed to. Colt was doing so good we never thought he would have gone that night.

I've come to learn that it does get easier. Some days are better than others, but I guess we've just found a place for grief in our life, so that it doesn't affect who we are. The hole, the pain will always be there. It is a part of me, and I think it makes me who I am, and has taught me what life is all about.

Again, I have to say thanks to my awesome friends. Without you all I don't know what I would do, or how I would have made it through the last 2 years. You guys keep me busy. I never realized how important it is to have great friends. I know Joey would feel the same way, as he has found a good group of support also. Thanks you guys!

Also, please keep praying for Jolea so we can bring her home soon!

Christi

Wednesday, January 24, 2007 8:50 AM CST

I just want to update a little on what is going on at home. We have started preparing the house for Miss Jolea. I finally decided to pack up Colt's things. I cleaned out his closet, his dresser, and packed everything up. It wasn't as as bad as I thought it would be, and it just had to be done. I prayed the night before and asked God to give me courage, and He did. I haven't seen or looked at some of his stuff in 2 years. It brought back a lot of good memories, and I even left out a few things for Luke to have. I have moved all of Lukes toys and clothes into their room, and I love it. I love going in there, and I love to see Luke playing in there. I'm glad we made the decision to put Luke back in there. We hung up some pictures of Colt in their room to always remind Luke that he has an awesome big brother that absolutely thought he hung the moon. Now I'll start on Jolea's room. Luke still don't like the idea of giving her his old room or giving her anything for that matter. Once she comes home he'll change his mind and love her, I hope. Breanna is very excited to have a sister, and can't wait. She is still begging us to take her with us to Vietnam. She is so amazing. Yesterday they had the book fair at school, and Breanna took her birthday money with her to spend. I couldn't believe what she came home with. She came home with a book for Luke, and Jolea, but what amazed me the most is she didn't forget Colt. She bought a book for him and donated it to the library in his memory, and bought nothing for herself. I see God's fingerprints all over her, and I know He has big plans for her. She continues to amaze me. Please continue praying for adoption and for speedy travel arrangements!

Amazed by His Grace
Christi

Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:19 PM CST

If you have listened to the news over the last couple of days you have heard the �Big� news about cancer. It seems that the overall cancer death statistics are down. Yeah!! This is a great thing don't get me wrong, I don�t want to be misunderstood but when they list the types of cancer deaths that are declining they are breast, lung, prostate and colo-rectal. Again, I am glad that they are finding the cures for these cancers but what you don�t hear is anything about childhood cancer, and nothing about neuroblastoma. They don't tell you that neuroblastoma has NO cure, and very little research being done on it. That is because overall childhood cancer plays a very small role in the "cancer world" and it is often overlooked. You would think George Bush would push for more research for kids considering he lost a sister to cancer. There is not enough money for the drug companies and not enough money for research, so the research is very hard to do. In fact most of the drugs used for childhood cancers are drugs that were created for adults and then tried on kids. Do you know they have approved over 50 drugs for adults with cancer and only 2 for children? In fact, I was talking to a lady in Caddo who is fighting lung cancer and she is on the same chemo that my 3 year old was taking, and he even had higher doses. What is wrong with this picture? I don�t have hard facts but I cannot imagine that the statistics for childhood cancer looked any better. These are our children and they deserve as much effort put into curing them as they put into the �adult� cancers. This is the number one reason I encourage you to support Curesearch. The money that this organization raises is used only for �childhood� cancer. This is where the cure lies, I am certain of that. With the money and the resources I believe that a cure can be found but we may have to step up to the frontlines to make that happen. Ok I'll get off of my soap box now.

See you on the frontline
Christi

Monday, January 8, 2007 9:54 AM CST

Happy New Year! It's a new year and we have big things happening in 2007 for our family. Miss Jolea will be here in a few months. We actually received an email Friday that our paperwork is in step 2 of the 4 steps. Step 2 is the longest step. When it finally reaches step 3 we will be 3-4 weeks from traveling. We started a new theme at church this year. We are talking about faith and family. This should be great, and I'm sure many will see my faith grow even stronger this year. Faith changes things, and you don't have to worry about having big faith or small faith, because God tells us that with faith the size of a mustard seed, all things are possible.

God has amazing plans for us this year. I think the one thing that sticks out the most from almost all Christians that I have seen that have lost a child is the fact that we all know that God still has plans for us. BIG plans.

Happy New Year!
Christi

Saturday, January 6, 2007 10:00 PM CST

The Brave Little Soul

Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however, the little soul was sad, for on this day, he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, "Why do bad things happen, why is there suffering in the world?".

God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts." The little soul was confused. "What do you mean", he asked. God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences, and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.

The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this-it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have chosen to go into the world and suffer-to unlock this love-to create this miracle-for the good of all humanity.

Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into this world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!"

God smiled and said, "You are a brave little soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are the most special and will care for you, help you, and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you.

God and the brave little soul shared a smile and then embraced. In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.

Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God's strength he unlocked goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys. Some regained lost faith-many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives were changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

Monday, January 1, 2007 10:57 PM CST

Wednesday, December 27, 2006 12:26 AM CST

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! Ours was okay. I have to say that this year was harder than last year. Why you ask? I haven�t been able to pinpoint one particular thing but several. The biggest reason I think is because since this was not our first Christmas without Colt that we were supposed to be okay. This was not the case at least for me. Maybe last year I was geared up emotionally because I knew it was going to be hard. Maybe it was because that as time moves on Colt seems farther and farther away. The Christmas memories we have of him are just that, memories. We will never make any new ones.

We started having Christmas on Friday night with Joey's family. We had a wonderful time, and I would have to say this Christmas with his family was the best we have ever had!

Saturday we had Christmas with my Mom and Dad and everything was going great until my Grandmother passed out and quit breathing. We called 911 and she was taken to the hospital by ambulance. She is still in the hospital and is doing great. Praise God! We ended the night playing cards with my sisters, brother in laws, and my Dad, until my mother and other sister came home at around 1:30 am.

Christmas Eve I woke up not feeling to great. We went to Joey's Grandfathers for lunch. That evening we had Christmas with my Grandmother at the hospital. Again, I enjoyed visiting with family, but it was during both of these family gatherings that I really struggled. I could just see Colt playing with the kids and opening his presents. There was defiantly a HUGE void all weekend.

Christmas morning was a chaotic as usual. I tried to stay focused and concentrate on the motions. Luke was so excited and Brea was also. I still just wasn't in the Christmas spirit. We went to Joey's Grandmothers around lunchtime, and to his uncles for Dinner. We finally got home and I was so thankful that it was over. We are thinking next year we might go to Disney World for Christmas. We'll see! I know you all probably get tired of hearing me whine and I apologize. I am trying so hard to be better. I want to be able to move on so that Colt can be proud of me. But there is still this part of me that is scared of forgetting, scared to move on. I really just can�t explain it.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support to help me through this holiday season.

Christi

Thursday, December 21, 2006 11:44 PM CST

The Day that Colt passed away the verse 2 Timothy 4:7 was on my sisters calendar. She made me a copy of the calendar, and I have kept it and always remember it. It was so odd when I read a devotional on the 14th two years later and there it was again! Colt concluded his life here and was able to say """I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith!""" I certainly plan on doing the same. I thanked God for sending me this special verse on this special day once again to remind me to keep fighting the fight.
I thought I would share it!

The Race
12/14/2006

"I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
2 TIMOTHY 4:7

"There is much satisfaction in finishing something you have begun! The success of a race is determined not only by how well you begin but also by how well you end. Many athletes can begin a race impressively, but if they stumble or are injured or lack the stamina to finish, their good start is useless. Paul rejoiced that he had not only begun the race but he had also finished it. His prize was a robust faith in God and a life filled with God's powerful presence.

The Christian life is not easy. Some mistakenly assume that once they become children of God, their struggles are over. Many Christians begin their walk with Christ enthusiastically, but as the pressures mount, they lose heart and abandon their pilgrimage.

Paul described His Christian life as a battle. There were times when he struggled, and only through perseverance could he continue. It may surprise us to know that the great apostle had to struggle at times to be faithful to God. Paul faced persecution, misunderstanding, betrayal, and death threats. His Christian life was anything but easy, yet he persevered.

Your faith in God is not proven by beginning the race but by enduring to the finish. Publicly announcing your commitment to Christ in your church does not compare with a lifetime of devotion to His cause. Use Paul as your model. Live your life in such a way that you can one day conclude, ""I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith!"""

Christi

Thursday, December 21, 2006 11:29 PM CST

Twas The Night Before Christmas
For Childhood Disease

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
But some children�s stockings were missing this year

Children were nestled all snug in their beds
Some parents cling to memories dancing in their heads
These children all fought their battles so strong
Why oh why God did disease have to come along?

Whether Cancer, Leukemia, Brain tumors or AIDS
These children all fought for each precious day
From needles to transplants to losing their hair
These angels still found a smile to share

Their memories live on�these precious little ones
Disease has taken so many of our daughters and sons
Children should not have to go through this fear
Please oh please God�can you send us a cure?

Star after star after star they came�
Heavenly lights displays each precious name
Each angel a story, a family forever changed�
As we read each childs star�name after name�

Colt and Lauryn and Griffin and Adam�
There�s Courtney and Stanton and Elijah and Christi
Their stories all told, and memories held dear�
These children are spending Christmas in heaven this year.

The sky is twinkling their stars do shine
So many hearts touched especially mine
A bundle of joy�missed so sadly will be
Their memories will continue on�for all to see

Their eyes how they twinkled, their smiles were so bright
Just like their stars that now light up our night
Shattered lives, futures changed, a puzzle incomplete
The meaning of life�these parents now seek

God went right to work, and spoke not a word
These children are now..as free as a bird
God brings comfort and strength and has plenty to share
The burdens will be eased with his loving care

God is caring and strong, and needed so much
And they smile in God�s presence so graciously touched
God filled each stocking with faith�hope�and love
God blessed us all�and back to heaven He rose

Please hold us all close Father�let us feel your love
Take care of the children up in Heaven above
Send each parents love to their angel in the sky
Until we are united in Heaven�and can understand why

Childhood disease is so present today
We can�t ignore it�we must find a way
To cure these diseases too many to name
Please pray for a cure in Jesus�s name

Disease can happen anytime�anywhere�to anyone
We must not quit until the battles are won!
Lets make 2007 the year
For a better cure.

Merry CHRISTmas,
Joey, Christi, Brea, Colt, and Luke

Monday, December 18, 2006 9:53 AM CST

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Thursday, November 30, 2006 10:52 AM CST

It's that time of year again. CHRISTmas! On December 14 it will 2 years since Colt took the hand of "that man" and left this earth. We have come so far since that day. We have learned so much, so much even about death. We didn't like to say good-bye to Colt, but we had to. We had to release the hand of one we loved so much into the hand of One we have not seen. But,God still speaks to us everyday in 1 Thessalonians: "But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concernig those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as other who have no hope." And just as God speaks to us he speaks to you. If your child made it to heaven before making it to kindergarten, he speaks to you. If your dreams were buried as they lowered the casket, he speaks to you. If your celebrating a marriage anniversary alone this year, he speaks to you. In 1 Thes 4:13-14, He continues to tell us "For if we beleive that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus." We will see Colt again! God tells us that. It is right for us to weep, but there is no reason for us to despair. Colt had pain here. He has no pain there. Colt struggled here. There are no struggles there. I will always wonder why God took him home, but Colt doesn't, he understands. He is, at this very moment, at peace in the presence of God.

This year I want to share what I've learned this past 2 years. I'll start with this scripture:

Isaiah 60:20
Your sun shall no longer go down, Nor shall your moon withdraw itself; For the Lord will be your everlasting light, And the days of your mourning shall be ended.

1. I've learned that God's grace is sufficient.

2. I've learned that God can bring so much good from something so bad.

3. I've learned that Colt was an awesome gift tht we only had for a short time, and if he had never been our son, then how else would we have the promise of eternity with him.

4. I've learned that the bond Joey, Brea, Luke and I have is a lot stronger then I gave it credit for.

5. I've learned that when my pain was turned outward in an attempt to help others in pain, my pain diminished.

6. I've learned that I never would have come to know God the way I do if I hadn't had Him and only Him to carry me when the grief and pain of loosing Colt overwhelmed me.

7. I've learned that things are not what is important in my life, but my family is; and I mean all of my family.

8. I've learned that I'm part of something much deeper than I can understand, and our loss is a part of a divine plan that will make sense to us someday-if not here then in heaven.( I keep telling myself God will explain it to me.)

9. I've learned to face hard times head on.

10. Slowly, we have learned what we can control, and what we can't change.

**To mark this special time of year in our life, I ask that all of our family and friends leave a special memory of Colt or something special Colt has done in your life in the guestbook. It will mean a lot to our family to hear some memories.

This is just a few of what I've learned over the last 2 years. I also thank all of you for following our journey,and leaving so many encouraging words in the guestbook. And if you don't already know we are beginning a new journey and a whole new chapter in our life with the adoption of our sweet Jolea, so stay tuned for more!!

Also, check the photo album!

Christi

Saturday, November 11, 2006 3:05 PM CST

Psalm 33:9 For He spoke, and it was done.
He commanded, and it stood fast

Do you believe that God can still do this today?
Do you believe that God still speaks? Well, I am
here to tell you praise God HE DOES SPEAK! God
still speaks. He still commands things to be
done. He still heals. He still comforts. He
is the same yesterday, today and forever! So
know this and be encouraged today.

Is there something going on in your life right
now that that is tearing at your strength?
Then let God speak!! Is there an illness that
keeps holding onto your family or loved one?
Then let God speak!! Do you fight depression
or anger? Then let God speak!! For the mountains
bow down and the seas roar at just the sound of
His name. Imagine what would happen in your
life if you just rested in Him and let God speak
in your life. Imagine how safe you would feel.
Imagine how protected you would feel. It is up
to you because the truth is, you do not have to
imagine. God has been with you all along.
Have you let him speak? For when God speaks,
it is done!! Let him hold you through your
trial right now. Let Him speak.

Christi

Monday, October 30, 2006 12:41 AM CST

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. We have been really busy with paperwork for our adoption. We finally finished everything and now I can relax and wait for travel info. I also had a new niece born on Oct.22. Miss Denim Avery Crow weighing in at 7Ibs 3oz. She is a cutie, and I was blessed to get to witness the miracle of her birth. Thanks Chad and Leslie!!It was amazing!!

Judgement Night has began at Faith Bible Church, and Joey and I are both in it this year. Joey is behing the scenes, and I actually play Satan. Who would have thought I would play the devil, the one responsible for the cancer that killed Colt. I hear I do a great job though. It's all about reaching people for Christ! There is also a scene about Colt. They are reinacting the night Colt went to heaven. The awesome young boys that play Colt even shaved their heads bald. Is that not awesome! I haven't actually seen it, and I don't plan on seeing it, but we have had great responses from people about the scene. I think it is great that Colt is still getting people to give their life to Jesus 2 years later!!If you haven't seen Judgement night, I encourage you to come and see it.

Halloween is tomorrow and Joey's aunt and uncle are taking Luke and Brea trick or treating. We haven't been trick or treating since we took Colt the last time in 2004, but I thought that Luke would really have a great time this year, and Brea also. Luke is a monkey, and Brea is wearing her lime green jazz costume. Brea said Colt would probably be Buzz lightyear again if he were here, and Luke would be Woody. She is probably right. He loved Buzz! Well, enough for now. I'll try to update sooner next time. I hope everyone has a good halloween, and stay safe!

Christi

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 10:56 AM CDT

Guess who's turning 5! I can't believe Colt will be 5 years old. I often think about what he would doing at this age, and how big he would be. He would be all over the place on our 4-wheelers! We are taking the kids to pick out some balloons to send up, and we will just have a little private family time this year. Brea wants to get a cake so we are going to try to make one. Colt helped us make a confetti cake when he turned 3, so I think that is the cake of choice. Luke has just been making sure that JoJo will share his balloons with him because I don't think he wants to let go of his. Everytime I tell him about the balloons, he has to make sure that JoJo is going to share.
If you think about it send up a balloon, green is the color Colt liked the best!

Christi

Wednesday, September 27, 2006 3:18 PM CDT

Well it is official!! Joey and I are the proud parents of one very beautiful little girl from Vietnam. We received our referral packet from CHI yesteday. Breanna was sooo excited that she has a sister now. Her name is Nyuyen Thi Ngoc Mai, and she is 2 1/2. She is actually 2 months older than Luke, so that will be interesting. We will call her Jolea. We signed our agreement to adopt her while Brea took our picture, because I have to scrapbook every detail. We hope to travel some time after the first of the year to Vietnam to get her. Paperwork takes a while to process over there. So please pray for her while she waits to join her forever family.

Christi

Monday, September 11, 2006 2:55 PM CDT

"I saw Jesus last week. He was wearing blue jeans and an old shirt. He was up at the church building. He was alone and working hard. For just a minute He looked like one of our members, but it was Jesus, I could tell by his smile.

I saw Jesus last Sunday. He was teaching a Bible class. He didn't talk real loud or use long words, but you could tell he believed what he said. For just a minute he looked like my Sunday School teacher, but it was Jesus, I could tell by his loving voice.

I saw Jesus yesterday. He was at the hospital visiting a friend who was sick. They prayed together quietly. For just a minute He looked like my preacher, But it was Jesus, I could tell by the tears in his eyes.

I saw Jesus the other day, He was bringing a covered dish over to me because I had been sick. Just for a minute I thought it was a church friend's gentle hands stroking my shoulder, but it was Jesus, I could feel Him in my soul.

I see Jesus everywhere, taking food to the sick, being friendly to a newcomer, sending notes to those who need encouragement, and for just a minute I think he's someone I know, but it's always Jesus; I can tell by the way He serves.

May someone see Jesus in me today."

SEPTEMBER IS....CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!

PRAYWARENESS CAMPAIGN
This month please be in prayer for the following:
Week 1 � September 1 � 9
Pray for CHILDREN with cancer.
Week 2 � September 10 � 16
Pray for PARENTS & FAMILIES impacted by childhood cancer.
Week 3 � September 17 � 23
Pray for CAREGIVERS, including doctors, nurses,
allied heath workers, and support staff.
Week 4 � September 24 � 30
Pray for RESEARCHERS developing cures for childhood cancer

The Littlest Soldiers

The medals on our chests
Are porta-caths for meds
Helmets won't stay on
'cause no hair is on our heads.

Our weapons of destruction
We take every day
We fight the battle within us
While we struggle on to play.

We fight with honor and courage
No marine could do as well
We are only little children
Living in this hell.

So bring on the medals
The Purple Hearts of Wars
The Gold Cross, The Silver Star
To place upon our scars

For We are the Children of Cancer
No one has fought so hard
But every day we struggle on
Our life is our reward.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 2:52 PM CDT

I heard something on the radio this morning and it was so good I wish I could remember all of it.

It was a man talking about storms and how in life we all go through storms. Some are small thunderstorms and some seem like hurricanes.he said as Christians we can expect Satan to send some storms our way. This is when I really started paying attention because it seems like my life is one storm after another. What he said was that no matter how big or small our storm, God knows about it. He not only knows but He is walking us through it. We have to reach out and hold onto Him and He will walk us straight through the middle of the storm. This He promises us. So no matter what is going on in your life just hold onto Him. He will grab your hand and walk you through. The hard part for us is that we have to have the faith and trust that when we reach out He will be there. He will be, He never breaks his promises.

Christi

Friday, August 4, 2006 2:48 PM CDT

Well if you don't already know it, Joey and I are adopting a baby from Vietnam. We have our final home interview tomorrow, and then we are put on the waiting list. We told the agency we would adopt boy or girl so considering that Vietnam has more boys than girls we will likely be getting a little boy. We also told them we would consider a child with special needs as long as the child wasn't sick or anything. Right now the wait time for a referral for a boy is around 2-4 months. As soon as we receive our referral, we will be traveling within 2-4 months. We are very excited, and can't wait to bring our baby home. We are hoping to take Brea and Luke to Vietnam with us if we have the money. Brea will have a fit if she can't go. She is already bugging me about when we are going and we havn't even been matched with a child. I will keep you all posted on what is going on. Please pray that God will have his hand on this adoption every step of the way. Everytime a decision is made we have to step back and ask God is this what you want or what we want. Pray that God's will is done and not our will.

Christi

Monday, July 17, 2006 9:43 AM CDT

We are back from a well needed vacation to Port Aransas. We had a great time. We love to take vacations. Some of my greatest memories are from vacations, but there will always be that missing piece. Taking vacations always bring in floods of emotions because Colt is not with us. We are making memories and he is not there. We miss him so much. He is still such a huge part of our life. Breanna even brought back 3 hermit crabs. One for her and Luke, and a special crab for Colt with a Mickey Mouse shell. She is awesome. She always thinks about him in the present, and never the past. She knows that he is in heaven and it is just a matter of time before she sees him again. She always wonders what he is doing, we all do. Anyways, we had fun. Luke didn't like the ocean. The first day we went out, he saw the water and ran to it. When he noticed the wave coming he turned around screaming and running to get away from it. It was so funny, he didn't know what was coming after him. Breanna enjoyed the pool the most. The pool was awesome, and had two water slides that she just couldn't get enough of. The Mesquitos were horrific. Port A had just had 8 days of rain and we looked like maniacs running from the bugs to our room. I'm sure people were laughing at us. The mesquitos just loved Joey. I think it is because he is just soooo sweet! Well, thanks for checking in on us and don't forget to sign the guestbook. Breanna loves to read what people write!

Christi

Monday, July 10, 2006 2:50 PM CDT

Have you ever heard that song by Casting Crowns, the one that says Psalms 121:1-2 I lift up my eyes to the hills-
Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and earth.
It was actually written for a mother who lost her daughter to cancer.
It reminds me of my rollercoaster of a life, it is a hard one at times. Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? There are so many times I just have to lift
my eyes to the hills into the direction of my Savior because I have no clue what is next or even where our next step will be. Just as things seem calm, here comes another drop. Just as you get past the drop and things are
going up again get ready there is a loop-to-loop just around the turn. We were not promised that life will be easy. We were just promised that we do not have to travel this rollercoaster of life alone. That is so good to know!! Sometimes I find It is hard to keep a clear mind. It is hard to know what God has in store. I have to remind
myself that it is ok to be in the now. God knows what we need and the bible says he will provide all our needs. So even though things may seem like a constant up and down rollercoaster I can still keep steady by keeping my eyes on Christ. Will it be easy? Of course not. Nothing is really easy. But when I keep my focus on God I realize that He is pretty amazing. He is All powerful. He is All knowing. And He is right here to lead the directions for my life.

Trying to stay in the now, and not in the past
Christi

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 12:57 AM CDT

The headstone has been set! It is so gorgeous, and so much more beautiful than I had pictured. The bench is not there yet they had some problems getting it fit together so they had to take it and fix it. Please everyone go see the headstone and let me know what you think. Colt would love it!

Christi

Thursday, June 22, 2006 11:38 AM CDT

Tim has emailed from DC and I believe that Gold Ribbon Days are going great this year! We are so excited to have 28 people from the State of Texas there to advocate for childhood cancer funding and research. That is awesome compared to last year! I wish we there but Brea is gone to church camp and we couldn't make her miss it. Tim and Donna will fill me in on all the details when they get back and I will let everyone know how it went. I ask that you keep all the families in your prayers. Pray for their safe return and pray that everyone signed on to the Conquer Childhood Cancer Act.

***Also keep Faith Bible Church mission Team in your prayers.

Christi

Thursday, June 8, 2006 12:13 AM CDT

**I want to let everyone know about the Relay for Life tonight! Please come out and be a part of something awesome. The opening ceremony starts at 7:00 at phillips field. The lighting of the luminaries is usually around 10:00. It is truly an awesome site.

Also an update on how we are doing, we continue to live with God�s grace and mercy everyday. The hard days have turned into moments when we are taken back and quickly reminded of what we have truly experienced in the last year. The death of a child�..I think that fact just escapes me sometimes. I know you ask how could that thought escape me ever, but somehow it just does. I am often comforted by the Holy Spirit to know that Colt is being better taken care of than I could have ever done. And that in those moments when I desperately just want him back in my arms, the Holy Spirit is again quick to remind me that I would not want him to live the life that he led here on earth. And again I am amazed at God�s grace. These feelings that I have everyday are not human emotions that can be explained any other way than the gift of God�s grace. Well, I guess that is about it for now. Thank you again for all of your continued prayers and support.

Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath
and anger and clamor and slander be put away
from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one
another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other,
just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

The hardest thing for me to do sometimes is
to forgive that person in my life that seems
to continually wear at our loving and forgiving
spirit. It is hard. It is really hard to make
yourself vulnerable and willing to love
someone that just does not seem to want it.
But they really do. They probably need it
more than most. That is why they can get
to you the most. They do not know the
healthy way of compromising. So they
do what they can to control every situation
so that they can make sure THEIR needs are met.

I just want to encourage you today to keep
Ephesians 4:31 next to your heart. I am
finding myself reading this scripture daily. It
is a wonderful reminder that we are all to
be kind and forgive just as Christ has done
for us. We do not deserve forgiveness each
and every day from God. In our minds, we
would think that God would grow tired of our
bellyaching and complaining and sinning. But
Christ paid the price so that our day-to-day
sins would be forgiven. He loves us that much.
So it is our responsibility to follow his footsteps.
Everyone has one person they can think of
that seems to break their spirit at times. Wake
up each day reading Ephesians and remember
to respond in love. It may be hard but be the
bigger person here. Who knows? We may make a
difference yet!

Forgiveness is not easy. It will heal your spirit and
hopefully help to heal others as well.

Christi

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 12:08 AM CDT

My Hero

Heroes are made of many things,
Some have feet, and some have wings.
Some use brains and others just looks;
Some are alive and some found in books.
Some do good deeds by making choices;
Others do theirs by using their voices.
They use their talents to dazzle and reign,
And sometimes must fight with terrible pain.
But heroes they are, one and all;
Just regular people, both large and small.

My hero is so many things,
He once had feet, and now has wings.
Definitely had brains and beautiful looks;
His trials in life are destined for books.
He did good deeds with lots of charm
Attracted many and did no harm.
His talents never waxed or waned
Even when going through horrendous pain.
He touched all the lives he met each day
About him, many loving words they say.

Now he�s gone, but not forgotten.
Even though the breaks he had were really rotten,
Watching over his loved ones with a smile on his face,
He sends us his peace, his love and his grace.

Monday, May 22, 2006 12:28 AM CDT

Psalm 121:1-2 I look up to the hills.
From where does my help come? My help
comes from the Lord, the Creator of
heaven and earth!

Gold Ribbon Days is coming up very soon. Joey and I are not going to be able to attend this year because it conflicts with Breanna's church camp, and I don't want her to miss camp. I have been busy writing letters to every Senator and Representative that I can, so they will sign on to the Cure Childhood Cancer Resolution. If they only knew how childhood cancer really impacts the lives of the children and their families. It makes me so angry thinking about it. Childhood cancer robbed Joey and I of our future with Colt. It also robbed Breanna of so much time she and Colt would have had, and it robbed Luke of his wonderful big brother that loved him so much. Colt thought Luke was it. It takes away the complete innocence of children and forces them to deal with death much sooner than they should. Breanna was forced into a world where she had to grow up and deal with things she shouldn't have. I am so amazed at how she looks at death since Colt went to heaven. The wisdom she has regarding death, heaven, and God is amazing. Joey found a letter Brea had wrote that was all crumbled up the other day it said "Dear JoJo, I miss you so much. Just tell Jesus to bring me and everyone else up to heaven right now. We all love you JoJo. Love, Sissy" The other one said " Colt rocks! Colt you rock! Rock on Colt!" When I saw them it made me so happy, but still so angry. Happy that she still thinks about him, but angry that she has to grow up without him. Cancer steals your life's normalcy. It steals relationships with friends, family, and sometimes even your spouse. I could go on, but I really just want to ask everyone, if you have been slammed by this disease as we have write to your congressman. Help us get this Cure Childhood Cancer Act passed. Go to curesearch.org. You can look up all the info you need to write to your congress.

Christi

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 3:04 PM CDT

Remembering

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry,
I am already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.
I am hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he did not exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
knowing that he has been missed.
You ask me how I was doing,
I say "pretty good", or "fine."
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.

This poem was sent by another mother who lost her child from neuroblastoma. I found it to be so true of the feelings that we have. We want everyone of you to talk about Colt. I don't care if people mention him or the things he used to do or say. That is what we want to hear. When he isn't talked about it makes me think people are forgeting him, and that hurts worse. People often apologize when they call Luke; Colt, thinking it will hurt my feelings. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I catch myself doing it all the time. People ask us everyday how we are doing. Well, we are just doing our best to be what God has called us to be. The hand that we have been dealt is a difficult one, but we know that with Gods help we will make it. We have made it! We have our bad days, and our bad moments but we make it through. We have some very amazing things going on in our life right now that I will share at the right time, but I want everyone to know that God has been moving in our life. It is so amazing how much good God can bring out of a situation like ours. It is truly amazing. God is Good!

Christi

Monday, May 8, 2006 3:41 PM CDT

We had a great turn out at the Fox Fest. We have raised over $900.00 for Colt and Seth's Scholarship. That is way more than I expected. The scholarship was originally for $500.00, but I think we will up it to a $1000.00. The blood drive also went great. Out goal was to get 26 donations and we were able to get 31 good blood donations.AWESOME! Thanks to everyone for all of your help!

Psalm 117:2 For great is his kindness towards
us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures
forever

Christi

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 2:52 PM CDT

I want to let everyone know that Fox Fest is this weekend. Carter will be set up in the citibank parking lot, so everyone please come out and donate blood in memory of Colt and Lauryn. This is the second blood drive we have done in their memory. Children with cancer receive so many blood and platelet transfusions throughout their treatment. I can't even begin to count the number of transfusions Colt had to have. So put away all the excuses and think about all these kids who need your blood and blood products. Carter will be there from 10:00 to 4:00. Also we will have a boothe set up where you can buy raffle tickets or make donations to the Joey Colt Crow and Seth Thomas Memorial Scholarship. We have so many awesome gifts that were donated for the raffle. The teachers at the school have been working really hard making pots, and so many other awesome gifts for the Relay for Life. They have three teams this year, Lauryns Ladybugs, Colts Cowgirls, and Connies Red Hots. They will also have a boothe. Joey and I, and Zack and Jean really appreciate all the help we have had with the raffle. Thanks to everyone who is helping us sell tickets and for all of the donations.

Christi

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 2:27 PM CDT

I read a devotional this morning about �Perfect Peace�. When I read the title my first thought was, is there such a thing? This is something that I struggle with daily, finding that peace. I know that our family is blessed beyond words, but so much is still missing. I miss Colt so much, and miss what would have been. I really miss seeing what his relationship would be with Luke and Brea. What would they be doing? Colt would be playing T-Ball this year! Would he and Luke get along. I know that at this age that Luke is right now that they would be having so much fun together and I miss that. I keep feeling so much hurt because our life is not how it should have been, even though I know that there is still so much left of the story, and I know that we will spend eternity as a family. I just have to stay in God's word and hold these truths near to my hearts as we wait. We are told that those who wait for the Lord will renew their strength. We will not get tired but will gain strength as we put our trust in God and his timing in our lives. Waiting is hard.
I have to keep waiting patiently on the Lord, and I will
eventually see why the wait was needed.
I pray daily that God will guide me and that I will have the wisdom to not only listen but do what He asks. So many times it is easier to question God and where He wants us than to just obey. It is the blessed privilege of every Christian to walk according to the direction of the Holy Spirit. If we are quiet before Him and listen, we can often hear His gentle voice guiding us down the right path, one that brings us closer to Him.

So is there such a thing as perfect peace? I would say yes, if you heed to God�s will and let Him lead your journey you can and will find perfect peace!

Christi

Thursday, April 20, 2006 12:31 AM CDT

The Strength of an Egg By
Juliet Freitag

Parents of children with cancer, or really any serious condition, are often referred to or viewed as having strength "like a rock." Albeit flattering, it isn't quite true.

It is more like the strength of an egg. An egg, you ask? Yes! If you'll think about it, you'll see my point. An egg has a polished, smooth outer appearance, with no cracks or weak spots visible. It seems almost inconceivable that the inside might not be so smooth or solid.

Most children, at some point are shown the famous egg trick. An egg set at just the right angle can withstand enormous amounts of pressure and cannot be cracked or broken. Yet the same egg, tapped gently at an ever slightly different angle, will break. The contents, once so neatly concealed, will come spilling out. The no longer perfect shell will be crushed. It looks so fragile that it seems inconceivable that it ever held any strength.

A rock, on the other hand, is solid all the way through. To break it is almost impossible. If you succeed, you will find that there is nothing inside but more rock.

It takes a lot more than pure hardness to hold the hand of hope. Parents of children with cancer are not solid all the way through. We hurt, we fear, we cry, we hope. It takes a very careful balancing act to keep the shell from being shattered. "Balancing an egg" while running a household, going for doctors' visits and hospital stays, keeping the family together, and holding on to the constantly unraveling ties of your sanity can be very tricky indeed! Occasionally, the angle will be off and the shell will break, shattering hope and all the neatly secured appearances of a truly fragile existence.

Unlike Humpty Dumpty, though, parents of kids with cancer will pick themselves up and put themselves back together again. OVER and OVER again...........

Thursday, April 6, 2006 1:44 PM CDT

Bring me Joy, Bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free.
Bring me anything that brings you glory.
And I know there will be days when
this life brings me pain,
But if that's what it takes to praise you; Jesus bring the rain!

mercyme

I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, But we are responsible for who we become.

I believe that no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe that you can keep going, long after you can't.

I believe that we are resposible for what we do no matter how we feel.

I believe that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done regardless of the consequences.

I believe that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe that sometimes when I am angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and just because they don't argue it doesn't mean they do.

I believe that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe credentials on the wall do not make a decent human being.

I believe that people you care about most in life are taken away from you too soon.

Friday, March 31, 2006 10:41 AM CST

Our God is amazingly creative. Trust
in him and put your hope in him. You
will never be disappointed if you do!!

Genesis 21:6 Sarah said, �God has brought
me laughter, and everyone who hears about
this will laugh with me.�

The story of Abraham begins in Genesis 12.
You can start his amazing journey for God
and follow the story up to where we are today.
Sarah is old. She is way past her baby making
days. She is 90 years old. She has spent her
life desiring a child. Just imagine while all
of her friends and family are having their
children she is watching from the sidelines
with an ache in her heart. I know there are
some reading this now that know this way
too well. Including myself as I watch others raise
their children that were Colts age while I sit in
the sidelines aching to be with my son. Sarah
has gone past the �change� in
a woman�s life and has given up the hope
that this could ever happen. But then God
showed up!! We see in Genesis 18 that the
angel of the Lord comes to visit Abraham
along with two angels and he tells him that
in one year Sarah will give birth and have a son.

God is so amazing!! You see,
God knew the desires of her heart. God just
had a different time schedule than Sarah.
And can you just imagine the overwhelming
joy and hope and excitement!! She must have
stopped and treasured every kick, every ache,
every craving. I bet you she was not complaining
at ALL about anything with her pregnancy.
Instead, just relaxing and taking care of herself
so this baby boy that she has been longing for
oh so many years would be safe. She didn�t
care that she was 90 now, she was now a mom.
Her life took on a whole new outlook the
moment her boy was born. Those who have
been praying for her and loving her were laughing
and rejoicing with her. For prayers were answered!!

If you like I do at times, like you are
on the sidelines like Sarah
watching everyone else have the life you
desire. Whether it be kids, a spouse, a nice home,
great job. You pray and pray and think that God
is just ignoring you. What you need to remember
is that God has the perfect timing for you and just
might need you to see him more clearly before
giving you your desires. His answer could still be
no - and if it is, he will help you heal and move
forward in your life. The point here is to always
move forward in your walk with God. Sarah pressed
on and continued her walk with her husband and the
Lord. She was a survivor!! And it took many years
later but God gave her the desires of her heart.
My encouragement for you today is to be a survivor.
Like myself, I have chose to move forward past my hurt, past my disappointment,past my lost dreams and keep faithful in prayer.

God is creative when rewarding. So never give up
your hope in him!!

Christi

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 10:44 AM CST

These days I read alot about Heaven, just about everything I can get my hands on. I've been reading this book called Heaven, Close Encounters of the God Kind by Jesse Duplantis and I just wanted to share some of what Jesse experienced when he was taken to Heaven. This is some of what he said;
"I had always thought that everybody who went to heaven was grown up. But I saw children too. I also noticed horses, dogs and large cats like lions." I bet Colt loves that! Here's more " All of a sudden, I heard kids singing and praising God. Then I saw them. They were carrying little harps." "I saw that people were teaching those kids, so I realized that God was using people as well as angels to teach others in heaven about Him. The ages of the children I saw seemed to be from about 3 to 10 years. Babies were off in another place." " All of the sudden I saw a light coming out of the city, but it was far from me. The children ran toward the Light. I knew then that it was Jesus! I couldn't see His face because I was too far away. All I could see were His hands reaching out to the Kids as they played and sang and hugged Him. Those kids adored Him. Then I heard Him say, Suffer the little children to come unto me...for of such is the kingdom of God(Mark10:14) Then the angel said to me, "We must go to the city."" Isn't that awesome. Have any of you ever had and close encounters of the God kind. Colt had many throughout his short life. I'll share more later.

Christi

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 1:50 PM CST

Sorry it's been a while since I have updated. We have had alot going on. First off, Camp Sol was amazing! We had a terrific time. We met some new families, and also enjoyed the reunion with the families we knew. We fished, went on a scavenger hunt, Breanna did the Rock Wall and zip line. It was great! I guess what struck me this time was that I've learned that I don't have to "get over it." People often think that "well, it's been a year they should be over it by now." Well, we don't have to get over it! We have just been able to find joy, happiness, and peace with Colt being in heaven. We will never get over it. Colt will always be a huge part of this family, forever!

Luke said the funniest thing the other day. I was putting on my makeup in front of the mirror when he came in. He started trying to jump, he doesn't jump very well, and was telling me he couldn't reach it. I thought he just wanted on the counter because he likes to play with my makeup. I just repeated back to him "you can't reach it?" He said "I can't reach JoJo." It was so sad, he was trying to jump and reach him. I wish he could. It just amazes me that he really thinks about JoJo like that. I really think he misses him. Luke also broke his collar bone this weekend. He fell off of his grandma's bed. He has to wear a sling on his arm for about 3 weeks. He looks so cute in it. I'll post a pic. when I get them developed. He also turns 2 on Saturday! He is getting so big.

Here is what I read about today! More about my new Eternal way of thinking and Living.

2 Chronicles 1:11-12 God said to Solomon, Since
This is your hearts desire and you have not asked
for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your
enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but
for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over
whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and
knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you
wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before
you ever had and none after you will have.

I may be able to fool people but thankfully I can
never fool God. God knows our heart. He knows
all the ugly things that I can hold in my heart. He
also knows all the kind things that I do. If I had
the opportunity that Solomon had here in that God would
have granted me anything, would I have asked just
for wisdom or for wisdom at all? I wish I would but
the reality is that I would not have. I would have
asked for things probably that would benefit me. Solomon
could have done that as well. But he asked for the one
thing that would benefit others. Because of his heart
for the people and his heart to be obedient to God,
God not only gave him more wisdom than anyone has
been granted but also gave him all the other things we
might have asked for instead.

We focus so much on things in this world. It is time
we refocus our lives on what is really important. We
make sure that we have 3 or more televisions in the
house, that we have the up-to-date computer systems,
that we have enough money to go out to eat when we
want but we do not give God a tenth of our earnings.
Because God is not our focus when money is involved!!
We make sure that we watch or favorite television shows,
we spend hours upon hours playing games or
spending time on the internet, but we do not spend 5
minutes a day in the Word of God. We make sure that
we get the things we want before taking care of the
needs of others. I guarantee you if you refocus
your lives on what really is important, God will do
amazing things in your lives! Pray for wisdom.
Then be ready to receive it.

Christi

Thursday, March 9, 2006 9:02 AM CST

Last night I was up most of night. For one, it was storming, and I don�t like storms. But also because my mind was racing. Our purple book study last night was about prayer. In Mathew 7:7,8 it tells us that everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but wouldn�t. Then everyone started asking. Colt was brought up, Seth was brought up, healing and faith were brought up, and why our prayers were not answered. Most of my questions were answered, but some I will not have the answers to until I�m with God himself. I know that it has to be Gods will for your prayers to be answered. He is not going to give you something if it isn�t His will for your life. I don�t know if it was Gods will for Colt to be brought home at the age of three, and I don�t like it that he was, but look at all of the good that has come out of it. I�m not angry that Colt is in heaven. That is where we all want to be. Sometimes I want him back, and that is very selfish of me. You all know that our life changed the day Colt got sick, and changed even more after Colt was gone. I often find myself begging for Jesus to come get me too, but his will for me is to be here for Joey, Breanna, and Luke. Satan gave Colt cancer. That is what satan does, he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He thought if his cancer could take our son from us that he would destroy this family. Well, he lost. Colt defeated cancer, and Satan he defeated you! Since then, he has tried to destroy my marriage and even rip apart our family with lies and deception. Well, he can try all he wants, he can�t defeat this family.

God had a plan from the day that Colt got sick. Shortly after Colt was diagnosed with cancer I found out that I was pregnant. I often asked God, what are you doing? This is not the time for me to be pregnant. What if all of this chemo hurts this baby? Why me? God knew what he was doing. He knew that I needed Luke while Colt was sick so that I would remain strong. He knew that Joey and I would need him after Colt was gone. He knew Mom and Dad would need him, and that Chad would need him. God knows our whole life. Even the simple things that took place such as the fact that we were living with my parents, and the fact that Brea was so involved in cheering to keep her busy, even the fact that she had Caitlyn her cousin that is her age to cheer with, and practically live with during this time. God put everything into place how we would need it.

The night Colt went with that man was such a shock. We did not know it was time. Do you think we would have went shopping if we had, but again God took the opportunity that Joey and I were gone. For the first time Colt didn�t cry for his mommy or daddy. He was happy and talking and playing. He was perfect. We were going to finish up our shopping for the kids. We thought he would be here Christmas. I even bought him and Luke matching outfits. They ended wearing them to the funeral instead. I am the type of person that replays things in my head over and over. I still replay that night over and over and sometimes even change things. I can�t imagine having to replay him dying over and over. I would go crazy. Instead my Mom was here with Cace and Tina. Out of all my sisters Tina is the strong one. She always stays calm. God knew that Colt would need my mom, but that my mom would need Tina, and she did. Well, the miracle we all prayed for happened that night. Jesus actually came into my house. I�m so glad Stacy Rudd came over and cleaned the house for me that day. I still can�t believe that he actually was in this house. I know he is always with us but, really he was in this house. Colt reached out to him and made his choice to stay with him OUT LOUD so that we would all know what took place. It was a miracle! I don�t know if my life would be the same if he had not said those words that night. When I see him after I hug and kiss him million times I�m going to thank him. Colt got his miracle, we all got our miracle.

And for my friends and family, I�ve seen so many of your lives change because of Colts fight and because of our fight. Many of you will make heaven because of Colt, but I want you all to know that if only one of you make heaven because of Colt then everything that he went through and that Joey and I will go through for the rest of our lives was worth it.

I love you,
Christi

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 11:12 AM CST

We will be leaving Friday for Camp Sol. Pray for us while we are gone. This is the camp for families who have lost their child. This will be our 2nd year to go. Last year we were the new family. It had only been 2 months since Colt went to heaven. This year I pray that our family will be a witness to other families. Our family has come along way since we first attended last year. We have grown so much in our faith, and in our trust in God. I hope to shed some light into the hearts of the families there who do not know Jesus. I honestly don't see how they make it without him.
Also pray for Breanna. She to will be a great witness to alot of siblings who are going through what she is. She is so amazing and so strong. As for Luke, pray that Joey and I have the energy to keep up with him!

Christi

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 10:52 AM CST

Remember, we do not have to plan everything for
things to turn out good, we just have to trust that
God will provide all of our needs.

Christi

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your
heart and lean not unto your own understanding
but in all ways acknowledge him and he will
direct your path.

A Mathematical Miracle

Moses and the people of Israel were in the desert,
but what was he going to do with them? They had
to be fed, and feeding 2 or 3 million people requires
a lot of food. According to the Quartermaster General
in the Army, it is reported that Moses would have to
have 1,500 tons of food each day. Do you know, that
to bring that much food each day, two freight trains
each a mile long would be required!

Besides you must remember, they were out in the
desert, and they would have to have firewood to use
in cooking the food. This would take 4,000 tons of
wood and a few more freight trains, each a mile long,
just for one day. And just think, they were forty years
in transit.

Oh, yes, they would have to have water. If they only
had enough to drink and wash a few dishes, it would
take 11 million gallons of each day, and a freight
train with tank cars 1,800 miles long, just to bring water!

And then another thing: They had to get across the
Red Sea in one night. If they went on a narrow path,
double file, the line would be 800 miles long and would
require 35 days and nights to get through. So, there had
to be a space in the Red Sea, 3 miles wide so that they
could walk 5,000 abreast to get over in one night.

But then another problem: Each time they camped at the
end of the day, a campground two-thirds the size of the
state of Rhode Island was required, or a total of 750
square miles. Think of it! This much space just for nightly
camping.

Do you think Moses figured all this out before he left
Egypt? I think not! You see, Moses believed in God.
God took care of these things for him.

Now, do you think God has any problem taking
care of all your needs?
(Author Unknown)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 11:12 AM CST

**I added a few pics in the photo album**

Before I share what God placed on my heart today I have to tell you about Luke. He said his first prayer yesterday of course with my help. He had to ask for forgiveness. He said a bad word. Although it wasn't his fault, I can blame his Dad for this one. The word he said was Dog s. He had stepped in it in our backyard! Everyone he talked to yesterday he told that his shoe had Dog s on it. It was pretty embarassing, but he has prayed and asked for Jesus to forgive him and his Daddy for saying an ugly word, and we are back to just dog poop! If you see him, Don't ask him what is on his shoe!!

Be in love with Jesus today. What an amazing
God we serve!

Psalm 27:1,3 The Lord is my light and my salvation,
Whom shall I fear? Though a host encamp against me,
my heart will not fear. Though war arise against me, in
spite of this I shall be confident.

Lean on the Lord today. You need to do it. I often feel
like I'm not strong enough on my own to handle the battles
that come my way. Sometimes I am not humble enough
to handle the attacks on my character. You may
think you have it all together but that is impossible
without the help of God. But when we allow God to have control and authority in our daily walk we will be able to stand and be confident that we are protected. We can claim victory over fear and doubt.

Sometimes I think the battle is never going stop. I
start feeling weak and unable to go on. I am still learning to let God have my trust. I trust in so many
things that fail me. How about trusting in a God
that will not. He gives me the confidence
to continue walking when all I see ahead are barriers. He will help give me directions when all I see are road blocks. I ask myself "What fear is controlling my mind today?" And I give it to God. I don't even try to handle it on my own. Because I can't do it. So let the God that created the universe be the God that handles your uncertainties today.

Christi

Neuroblastoma accounts for 97f the cancers of the Sympathetic Nervous System, which comprises one of the twelve major categories of the International Classification of Childhood Cancers (ICCC). The incidence rate for all sympathetic nervous system cancers was 9.5 per million children. Neuroblastoma accounts for 14f all cancers in children younger than five years of age.

Neuroblastoma is a solid tumor cancer that begins in the nerve tissue in the neck, chest, abdomen, or pelvis but usually originates in the abdomen in the tissue of the adrenal gland.

Nearly 70f those children first diagnosed, have disease that has already metastasized or spread to other parts of the body. The average age at diagnosis is two years old.

Prognosis for neuroblastoma is dependent on age, stage of disease, and the molecular biologic and cytogenetic characteristics of the tumor. There is very little known about why neuroblastoma occurs, or about what factors increase the risk for occurrence.

7 out of 10 diagnosed with neuroblastoma, stage IV will die.

Currently, there is NO CURE for neuroblastoma.

Monday, February 13, 2006 1:24 PM CST

Gold Ribbon Days is going to be coming up very soon! This year it is June 19-21. If you are a family whose child has or had Cancer you need to be there. We need your help to help us elevate Childhood Cancer to a national priority so we can reach the day when every child with cancer can be guaranteed a cure. Click on the curesearch link at the bottom of the page.

Neuroblastoma accounts for 97f the cancers of the Sympathetic Nervous System, which comprises one of the twelve major categories of the International Classification of Childhood Cancers (ICCC). The incidence rate for all sympathetic nervous system cancers was 9.5 per million children. Neuroblastoma accounts for 14f all cancers in children younger than five years of age.

Neuroblastoma is a solid tumor cancer that begins in the nerve tissue in the neck, chest, abdomen, or pelvis but usually originates in the abdomen in the tissue of the adrenal gland.

Nearly 70f those children first diagnosed, have disease that has already metastasized or spread to other parts of the body. The average age at diagnosis is two years old.

Prognosis for neuroblastoma is dependent on age, stage of disease, and the molecular biologic and cytogenetic characteristics of the tumor. There is very little known about why neuroblastoma occurs, or about what factors increase the risk for occurrence.

7 out of 10 diagnosed with neuroblastoma, stage IV will die.

Currently, there is NO CURE for neuroblastoma.

CURESEARCHES LEGISLATIVE PROPOSALS
FOR FISCAL YEAR 2007:

$11 MILLION TOTAL

$5 million requested from the Dept. of Defense, Medical Advanced Tech RDTE - Army
To ensure seamless treatment of kids between military & civilian & COG care providers, strengthen military institutions in COG & access for military kids in clinical trials as well minimize the affect on military kids of reassignments of families and doctors during diagnosis & treatment.

$2 million requested from Energy & Water Development Appropriations Subcommittee, Science - Biological & Environmental Research
To support opening additional lines of NIH research on possible environmental causes of childhood cancer through support of a nat'l pediatric cancer database called the Childhood Cancer Research Network (CCRN).

$2 million requested from Interior & Environment Appropriations Subcommittee, EPA
To improve epidemiological study of cancers and possible environmental causes through the database mentioned above, the CCRN.

$2 million requested from Labor, Health & Human Services, and Education Appropriations Subcommittee, CDC - Public Health Improvement
To support dissemination of info related to survivorship, screening for secondary cancers, behavioral interventions, & education of professionals and families on issues related to childhood cancer.

WHY WE NEED A CURE....
* Each year in the U.S. approximately 12,500 children will be diagnosed this next year with some form of childhood cancer. This is equivalent of two average size classrooms diagnosed each school day.

* Over the past 50 years, advancements through research have transformed childhood cancer from a nearly incurable disease to one with an overall 78ure rate. However, some forms of childhood cancers continue to have a very poor prognosis.

* In the U.S. cancer remains the leading cause of death by disease in children. Over 2,300 children die from cancer each year.

* Two-thirds of children who are cured of cancer in childhood end up with at least one long-term health problem arising from their treatment. More than one-third of childhood cancer survivors can expect to have a life-threatening illness or serious chronic disease by the age 45.

* Cancer in childhood occurs regularly, reandomly, and spares no ethnic group, socioeconomic class, or geographic region.

* The cause of most childhood cancers are unknown and at present cannot be prevented. One in 330 children in the U.S. will be diagnosed with cancer.

* The average age of diagnosis for childhood cancer is 6 years old. The potential years of life-saved for each child with cancer is approximately 66 years.

FACTS:
* Children's cancer research has been seriously under-supported for many years.

* The history of funding specifically for childhood cancer is incredibly short, dating back to 2003.
* CureSearch began to detect a noticable shortfall in the actual budget received by the Health & Human Services via NIH on a 5-year grant of $54 million per year when only $29 million was provided through NIH. The gap of over $25 million would have a terrible impact on advances in research but also would have noticable implications for the 40,000 kids in treatment due to the slower translation of lab research to bedside application which means more kids suffer.

* CureSearch pursued federal funding in 2003 and received $750,000.

* In 2004 & 2005 CureSearch also pursued federal descretionary funding and received just over $2 million each year. This is still a far cry from the $25 million shortfall but at least it's making a difference!

* To gain some perspective on the under-representation that childhood cancer suffers in the funding, it's helpful to look at The National Cancer Institute's Budget 2005
Approximately $5 billion

Research / Disease Areas
Dollars In Millions

..............................................Actuals................Estimated
Disease............................FY2003...FY2004...FY2005...FY2006
Breast Cancer.........................693......708.........716........716
Colo-Rectal Cancer .................296......297.........298........298
Lung Cancer............................297......297.........300........300
Prostate Cancer.......................279......378.........381........381
Children's Oncol. Grp..................29.......29..........29..........29

Tuesday, February 7, 2006 12:02 AM CST

Colt's friend Elisha passed away on Saturday. His little body just couldn't take anymore. Please pray for his mother Mary, Elisha is her only child. As I sit here and think about him and about Colt I just prayed and thanked God that He ends the suffering of these little ones whose earthly bodies have just failed them. It hurts to lose ones we love, but at the same time, I am so happy for those who've gone Home because their suffering and pain is over--forever. And as much pain as their passing leaves for the ones left here, there is hope in that pain. We are promised that if we place our faith in Jesus we will see him and we will see the ones who have gone before us. There is no Cancer in heaven, no sickness or disease, and no Goodbyes! I can just see Colt welcoming Elisha and so many of the kids that we have lost and all the patients from Children's that we loved so much. Griffin, Elisha, Courtney, Lauryn, Adam, and Star were such amazing kids. And today, they are all together. I am sure that they are all hugging and so happy everytime that another one of them are healed and brought home. I'm sure Colt is waiting for the rest of us to come home as well. Which is not long for him, 1000 years is as one day in Heaven. One day he'll wake up from his afternoon nap and there we will be to give him a hug. Remember to keep your eyes on Heaven. The last enemy to be detroyed is death. Death has no power over us, Heaven is our reward, and where we all long to be. Our life here is only temporary. Please keep this in your mind and set out to reach as many people for Christ as you can. Remember we are in this world, but we are not of this world, and we are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Christi

Tuesday, February 7, 2006 12:02 AM CST

Friday, January 27, 2006 2:19 PM CST

There is no way we need to accept defeat today.
Let God lead you into victory today. Stand firm
in prayer and get ready to win!

Psalm 18:3 I call to the Lord, who is worthy of
praise, and I am saved from my enemies.

We hear a lot about enemies in the Bible. And
rightly so. There will always be those out there
that are willing to hurt us and tear at us so that
they will continue to succeed. But taking the
time to go through my life, I find one consistent
enemy that seems to follow me along. It is not
a friend or a loved one. It is someone that I did
not really expect to be my enemy. So who is
my most critical enemy in life? Well, it is me!

I am sure that I am not alone in this. We all are our
worst enemies at time. We fall into doubt. We
stop believing that we can achieve all that God
has set out for us. We spend more time tearing
at ourselves than believing what the scriptures
tell us about ourselves. So that is why it is such
a comfort to read the Psalm 18 today. I can call
to God who is worthy of my praise and he will
be able to save me from all of my enemies. That
includes me. These past couple of weeks I have
seen God tear down so many walls and rebuild the right
of walls for him. So remember to cry out to Jesus and
ready to accept the victory he has for your life.

Please say a prayer for our friend Elisha. He is at childrens, and has been there for over 3 months now. He is on a ventilator and is very critical. The doctors say they don't know if he will make it off the vent this time. We need Gods intervention on behalf of his little body to restore him back to health. Please also pray for his mother Mary. Ask God to give her comfort and strength. Colt always got a kick out of him in clinic. He would always be carrying a barbie doll. He was so amazing, and an awesome friend to Colt.
Christi

Thursday, January 19, 2006 2:44 PM CST

Wednesday, January 11, 2006 1:24 PM CST

I heard this song for the first time and it reminded me of Colt. The day he passed away he was wearing his Superman PJ's and the song says "The rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch." Colt was Superman!
it's by the Dixie Chicks.

Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

Dragon tales and the "water is wide"
Pirate's sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

The rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "Amen," wherever you are
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

Matthew 5:3-12 Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

I want to let everyone know that Lunch For Life raised nearly 126,000 dollars in Dec. with the giving trees. Thanks to all my friends and family who added an ornament to Colts tree!

Tuesday, January 3, 2006 12:44 AM CST

Happy New Year!! This year is going to be a breakthrough year for our family. We are weeding out the bad stuff, and bringing in the good. No more dwelling on what we have lost, but focusing on what we do have, and that is one awesome God, a beautiful little hero who lives where we long to be, and our family we have here on this earth. We are ready for some happiness in our lives. Last year was a year of rebuilding our family, and healing our hearts. This year is a new beginning. We are so happy for Colt. Who could be more proud of their son than we are. You will not be reading anymore sob stories on this website. Only stories of praise and the prosperity in our lives. Our family has been lifted up by so many wonderful people this past year. Joey and I have an amazing circle of friends who have brought so much joy to our lives. I want to thank all of you for everything you have done for us. Some things may seem small such as an invite to an ATV ride, a dinner at Salt Grass, or just a letter of thanks, but to us it was huge. You will see so many rewards in heaven for your kindness. I have really seen what true friends are all about, and have learned through this how to be a true friend. I also want to say thanks to Kylee McGee, Colts very best friend for always remembering him, talking to him, and playing at the playground. We love you Kylee! Kylee you will see him soon! God tells us in Mathew 16:19 that whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven.

Also Happy Birthday Breanna!!!Breanna turns 8 years old today!!Your a great big sister!

Christi

Psalm 1:1-3

Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.
_________________
CURESEARCH NEWS
I recently found out that fundings were
cut. Our Appropriations Requests was for $9.5 million and we only received $2.375 million. This stinks. Gold Ribbon Days will be June 19-21.

Monday, December 12, 2005 2:32 PM CST

Well, we leave Friday for Disney World and we are all extremely excited. In many of the books that I have read about grief, they all say to make new holiday traditions. Well, we are this year! Disney World is one place that Colt absolutely loved, and we promised him that we would be going for CHRISTmas. I've been preparing myself for this time of the year for a while now. Reading my bible every morning when I get up so I get a great start on the day. It has made a huge difference in my day. I'm faced everyday with all of this Christmas stuff that doesn't remind me of Christmas, but of this time last year when Colt was very sick. I still can't help but wonder why this happened. I told Joey that I wanted to buy all new Christmas decor, but he said that was not the answer. Then I realize that it is my flesh and not my spirit talking. Even Mary, the mother of Jesus, lost her child. I often wonder how she coped with watching her child die. You can't imagine the depth of the pain that is felt when you lose a child. Mary knew that kind of pain just like many other mothers and fathers that we know. I find myself thinking about how God chose her to be the mother of Jesus, and how he didn't spare her from the pain of her child's death. He chose her and I know he chose me to be the mother of another special child. He entrusted us with Colt and a special burden. A burden that I don't want. I often try to fight back with everything that I have but I know that I just have to trust him. He trusted me, and I have to trust him, and remember that I can't see the big picture, and when I do I will understand. I have seen a glimpse of the big picture though. I see my Dad going to church after not attending for several years. I see my friends and family getting closer to God everyday, and changing the way they raise their children. I see how my own life has changed. I truly believe God gave our family Colt for a purpose. He showed us how to love unconditionally, and also how to trust. Breanna's favorite scripture in the bible is in Proverbs it says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own uderstanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path. She has quoted us this scripture for the last 2 1/2 years, to me, Joey, Colt, and Luke and many others. God gave this to her to implant in my head I know it, and I started living it about a year ago. God has taken us to many places in the last year, and I look forward in seeing where he takes us in 2006. On December 14, it will be one year since Colt took the hand of "that man". Lets all celebrate on the 14th what was the beginning of the happiest and the best moments of Colt's Life.

Christi

Monday, November 28, 2005 1:55 PM CST

We had a really good Thanksgiving this year. The food was great, and it was great to be with family. The weekend was so warm, and Brea and Luke were able to play outside. As I watched Luke playing yesterday I was thinking when was the last time I was able to really appreciate what I have?

Psalm 136:1 Give Thanks to the Lord, For he is good. His love endures forever.

We start out in life with no hesitations. We trust, we laugh, we are amazed and wondered by the smallest of things. Even for Luke a leaf on a tree becomes an exciting find. A day at the lake becomes a lifetime memory. We start out in this life with innocence and curiosity. But along the way, because of one reason or another, our hearts grow hardened. The laughter is replaced by tears. The hope is replaced by fears. No wonder there are so many angry people living among us. Since Colt went to heaven it has been really hard to appreciate anything in this world. I think this world is so evil. I asked myself, What am I thankful for? I am thankful for God and I do still believe that God would have healed Colt here, but it was not our choice. He gave Colt the choice. His choice was very clear. We knew what his choice was the moment his cancer relapsed, and the day he left us he made that choice very clear when he asked to stay with that man. I can't blame him. If I had the choice I would go in an instant. As I watched the kids playing and laughing I made a choice that day. It is time that Joey and I started really appreciating life again. It is time we just laugh because it is fun like Luke does, and not because we need reason. It is time we love with openness and break down the walls that do nothing but cause us harm. It is time we give thanks to God and know that his love holds us forever. Take time to play outside or inside and look at things like a child. Go home and before you do anything else, kiss and hug your spouse and thank them for sharing their life with you. Life is too short to miss out on all the fun.

John 16: "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy" (v. 20).

Tuesday, November 22, 2005 10:27 AM CST

Need a smile in your day? Me too!! Let us rejoice
in the Lord today and ask for a little kick in our step!

Psalm 56:8 You have taken account of my wanderings,
Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?

The other day I had one of those days when nothing
seemed to comfort my heart? With each passing
minute everything seemed so hopeless. You cry and
cry and wonder if anyone understands your hurt.
Our families do not always understand. Our husbands
do not always understand. You just have to remember that you are not alone. Everytime the tears fall
and hope seems lost I remember the scripture given
above. God knows every tear that falls. He collects
our tears and keeps them in his bottle. He knows
every hair on our head and hears every hurt in our
heart. He loves us just that much!! Then it never fails, I check the mail and there they are. Cards from my awesome friends telling me how much they love us and that they are still praying for us daily. On that same day, an article in the newspaper in Sherman of a man that found Colts Birthday balloons, and a story of how it touched his heart. God is always there. He knows my days before I do.

There is a wonderful song that I cling to when
Things seem very blurred in my life. The words are,

All the world is watching
All the world does care
Even when the world weighs on my
shoulder now
These feelings I can't bear

Because I know that you're here
Everywhere I go I know you're not far
away
You're right here, You're right here

All these thoughts I've wasted
All these thoughts I've feared
Even when these thoughts are faded
I still know that you're here

Today you may need more peace than you ever have
thought. You may feel so alone and just do not
seem to feel that things will ever get better.
Know you are not alone. We all get there in times
of our lives. That is when we need reminding that
Jesus is right here with you when you think no
one else cares. With each tear that falls, God
collects them. Every one is noticed by God! He doesn�t
miss a single one. They all go to his bottle. How
special does that makes us!! We will all go through hard,
testing, sad times. And we need to know God will guide
us through them. He feels our hurt and knows our
heartache. And he is stronger than our weakness!!

Let God hold you close today. Let him be your Prince
of peace and show you the hope of a new tomorrow.
Do not give up.

Christi

Wednesday, November 10, 2005 10:30 AM CST

We have gotten back 5 cards now from the balloon release!!
AWESOME

I want to ask everyone to please pray for our family during the next few months. You can't imagine how hard this year has been on Joey and I. If any of you see Joey and the kids around town please give them a big hug and tell them you're praying for them. Some days we really struggle with Colt's death and we need some extra prayers right now. Joey is a wonderful husband and father and Colt's death has taken a toll on him.

I know that eventually we will both feel at peace about his death but now it is probably harder to deal with than ever. As Thanksgiving quickly approaches it reminds us of the time a year ago that we were told he was dying and then we watched him slip away from us in just a month. Colt's health quickly went down hill after Thanksgiving. It is impossible to even believe it really happened. But it did and Colt is gone. How do you move on? I don't know. I am not ready to let him go yet. Just keep us in your prayers during the next few months as Colt's 1st Birtday in heaven approaches. Thanks to everyone who continues to read the journal and continues to pray for our family. Don't forget to sign the guestbook and let us know you were here!

Christi

This is an article I found that I thought was good.

" THE HOPE OF HEAVEN"

There is no earthly sorrow that heaven cannot heal. So many of you have endured traumatic experiences,lost loved ones, faced financial ruin, seen your marriages break up, lost what you thought were enduring friendships. That person you thought was as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar let you down, or maybe even deserted you when you were feeling your very lowest, and needed a friend the most.

Even the Rock of Gibraltar isn't so solid. It is eroding away,for since the Fall of man, all things incline to disorder and deterioration. The sinful nature of man is like that. Apart from My divine grace acting upon them to keep them faithful to the precepts of divine Love, people are not able to love as I do. How wonderful will be that glad time when I release My loved ones from that perverse Adamic nature within them, and Creation itself sings for the joy of her holy liberation from the Curse of Bondage!

Today you walk down the street, and you glum faces worried about a myriad of problems; grimacing motorists reluctantly dragging themselves to jobs they hate; neglected, unloved teenagers defacing public property or doing drugs.

After a harrowing day at work, you turn on the TV News to forget your unpleasant experiences, only to be bombarded by news of warfare, rising gas prices, tax increases, and ever increasing crime. All over the world people look for reasons to hate and war against one another. Age-old conflicts between ethnic groups flare up. Ancient enmities are rekindled by satan. Wars are raging out of control.

You sigh, "How much longer, Lord? Nothing I seem to do makes a dime's worth of difference in this miserable world. Whenever I witness of Christ to the lost, I only get laughed at. So What's the use of it all?"

Oh, My precious one. Never despair of your usefulness in this world. You have been a light before many. While so many others discarded My righteous commandments and lived only for the gratification of their sinful lusts, you strove to keep your home together and live out My Word in your life. You didn't just speak your testimony; you joyfully lived it. I thank you for this, for you could easily have relaxed your standards of Christian living and gone along with those who wanted to fit in with their worldly friends.

Truly there is a reward for the righteous, and it is very nearly within your grasp. What a wondrous, Blessed Hope My people have! I have prepared for them a beautiful City of Light and Love wherein dwells only righteousness. People who have lost Christian loved ones to death will be reunited with them in My glorious Presence.

You will soon see Christ face-to-face. You will see the One who suffered and died to redeem you from sin and death. And when you do, your joy will be indescribable. All earth's sorrows will fade away like mist in the morning sun.

Your eternity will be one of joyous activity, performed to My Glory. You will ever be learning more and more about how wonderful I am, discovering more about the beauty of My Love. No more bad news or unpaid bills to fret over. No more enemies to contend with ever again.

Harsh Facts of Childhood Cancer

Childhood cancer is the leading cause of death by disease for children in the US .
12,500 children are diagnosed on a yearly basis with cancer.
Childhood cancer is the sixth most diagnosed cancer in the US , but only receives 1/20th of the federal research monies doled out by the NCI every year. (Makes you sick huh!)
7 out of 10 diagnosed with neuroblastoma, stage IV will die.
At any given time there at least 40,000 children in the US on active cancer treatment

Wednesday, November 2, 2005 2:55 PM CST

***We have now gotten a total of 4 cards back that we sent up on Colts Birthday! 2 from Farmersville, 1 from Antlers Oklahoma, and 1 from Dalark Arkansas. They are definately taking their own path!***

We need a life with Jesus. Our life depends on that!!

The Last Enemy to be defeated is death!

Matthew 7:13-14 Enter through the narrow gate;
for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads
to destruction, and there are many who enter through
it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that
leads to life, and there are few who find it.

We have to realize one thing to make this life make
sense- we need Jesus! It is not until you find that
truth that you will find a life with meaning. I
seek God in everything without even knowing it.
I want to make a difference. I want to help
others. We all want value in our lives. What we may
not realize is that the way we seek these things will
not matter if we do not learn to seek the truth about
Jesus Christ in our lives.

We need to admit that we are full of sin- that it is
a cancer in our lives. We need to realize that we
can not fix this sin. It will just spread and spread
and spread until we are eaten up by low self-esteem,
by hopelessness, by emptiness. We need to accept
something that is hard to accept- that someone loves
us enough that He died on a cross for your sins and
mine. Not only did he die on the cross but three days
later he rose again winning the fight of sin!! Jesus
Christ died a cruel and undeserved death so that we
could find the hope we needed to make sense of this
life. He gave us the piece of the puzzle that has been
missing in our lives that somehow makes sense of
why we are here.

Sometimes life does not make sense, if you are seeking
truth and are not finding it- seek God through Jesus
Christ. He is the only way I will spend eternity
in Heaven with Jesus and Colt, and through him the only way we can find joy in this life on earth. If you know someone
that does not know Jesus it is so important that you
talk to them and share what you know. Share your
truth. We are God�s vessels to share joy and hope
in a world that is covered with the cancer of sin.
We need Jesus. Do not live your life without the
Truth! It is time to get right with Jesus!!

Christi

Harsh Facts of Childhood Cancer

Childhood cancer is the leading cause of death by disease for children in the US .
12,500 children are diagnosed on a yearly basis with cancer.
Childhood cancer is the sixth most diagnosed cancer in the US , but only receives 1/20th of the federal research monies doled out by the NCI every year. (Makes you sick huh!)
7 out of 10 diagnosed with neuroblastoma, stage IV will die.
At any given time there at least 40,000 children in the US on active cancer treatment.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 1:59 PM CDT

***update***We have gotten 3 cards back that we sent up with the balloons. 2 have come from Farmersville, TX and 1 came from Antlers, OK. The people were so nice, they sent messages of how cute he is and that they were praying for us. AWESOME!!

Consider my affliction and please deliver me
Plead my cause and redeem me
Salvation is not for the wicked
For they don't seek your word
Great are your tender mercies Lord
Revive me, According to your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek your word
You Give me understanding
According to your word
Great Peace for those who seek your face
I long for Salvation
My lips shall praise your name
I rejoice in the treasure of your keep
For all my are before you
I let your hand become my help
My soul longs and adores you
Let my cry come before you oh Lord
Revive me

Jeremy Camp

At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,

And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. Matthew 18: 1-5

Harsh Facts of Childhood Cancer

Childhood cancer is the leading cause of death by disease for children in the US .
12,500 children are diagnosed on a yearly basis with cancer.
Childhood cancer is the sixth most diagnosed cancer in the US , but only receives 1/20th of the federal research monies doled out by the NCI every year. (Makes you sick huh!)
7 out of 10 diagnosed with neuroblastoma, stage IV will die.
At any given time there at least 40,000 children in the US on active cancer treatment.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 10:05 AM CDT

***update***We have gotten 3 cards back that we sent up with the balloons. 2 have come from Farmersville, TX and 1 came from Antlers, OK. The people were so nice, they sent messages of how cute he is and that they were praying for us. AWESOME!!

We had an awesome birthday party for Colt on Saturday. We sent up over 100 green balloons all with messages tied to them. I will be happy just to have just one message sent back to us. Most of our family and friends showed up, it was great. Randall spoke about the ressurection just as I had asked, and it was an awesome message. I wanted everyone to know why we had his balloon release at the cemetary and what it represented, which is the fact that when Jesus returns, which I think is very soon, Colt's body will be ressurected and we will be reunited. The day turned out to be a great day. When all these "first's" come around you expect these days to be so sad and we think that on these days we will miss Colt even more, but I miss him so much everyday that these special days turn out to be happy days for me, because this day was all about Colt. We don't have to hide or pretend to be OK because people don't expect that. Breanna asked me the other day "why are you always looking up to the sky?" I told her I was just watching and waiting to hear that trumpet. So now she watches too. People probably think we are crazy when they see us watching the sky. We don't care!!I think it is funny when someone will ask "what are you looking at?" Breanna told this person the other day when they asked that we were just waiting. I laughed so hard after they walked away. She amazes me every day.

We need a life with Jesus. Our life depends on that!!

Matthew 7:13-14 Enter through the narrow gate;
for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads
to destruction, and there are many who enter through
it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that
leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Christi

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 10:18 AM CDT

Colt's 4th birthday is 3 days away!! We will be having a balloon release at the grave site in his memory. We have invited family and friends who meant something to Colt and also Colt means alot to them. The reason I chose to do this at the cemetary is because of course that is where Colts body is buried but also because one day he will rise from this place and I will meet him in the sky. He will have a new glorified body. In 1 Thesalonians 4:13 it says "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words." (ESV)

So that is what I am doing encouraging you. Hang on to Jesus! This is the day that I long for each day, the reason why I get up every morning.

Christi

Also check out the Kids Cancer Tree at
www.kidscancertree.com, Colt is at the bottom right corner. This tree was created by Raymond, a neuroblastoma SURVIVOR!!!It is dedicated to kids who have lost their battle to cancer.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 10:33 AM CDT

This devotion was about hope. Hope and Gods promise of eternity and resurrection is what we live for these days.
Listen to and Trust God and he will show you the plans he has for your life.
Christi

Know that God hears your prayers today.
He knows what you hope for. Trust that
in his time he will show you what you seek.

Thought for the day!!

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient
in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Do we have to? Yep! No matter what sad
and crazy thing that we might have to deal
with here on Earth we have a reason to hope.
We have a reason to have joy. We, as
Christians, have the promise of eternity with
our Savior Jesus Christ!! I wish that made living
here on Earth a bit more easy - but it doesn�t.
When afflictions or trials come, we need to
be patient, we need to still have joy and keep
fervent in prayer. Too often we get frustrated
and lose our patience, we lose sight of hope
and we stop praying. That is just what our
adversary, Satan, would like. So we need to
make sure he does not get his way!

Hope. A word that gives us something to
look forward to. A word that has so much
life to it. A word that can change our lives
if we just allow it to spread into our daily
activities. We, as Christians, desperately
need to seek this through God. It will be
the hope that keeps us going. It will be the
hope that strengthens our walk with God. It
will be the hope that moves us forward in
the right direction. So I encourage you all
to not lose sight of your hope today. If all we
have is the knowledge that this is not the end
that we have an eternity of amazing peace-
that should be enough. But God also gives
us more to hope for. He fills our minds with
tangible hopes as well as the intangible. So
keep hoping, keep trusting, keep believing
that God can provide that for what we hope!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005 10:39 AM CDT

*****I want to ask everyone to keep praying for all of the people whose lives have been shattered by hurricane Katrina. Many people have lost everything. They have no homes, food, money, and many have lost their family. I pray that many of them will soon be given comforting words that their families have survived, until then God give them peace, and strength. *****

Well, we have finally ordered Colts memorial for the cemetary, and it is going to be awesome. I had hoped to have it before his birthday in October but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. It is going to take 90 days just to get the stone because it is being shipped from India. We ordered it from H&M Memorials in Emory. They have been awesome at making sure we get just what we wanted. I can't wait for everyone to see it. I'm going to keep the details a secret because we want our family and friends to be surprised when they see it. Sunday we went to Scottish Rite Hospital for a Camp Sol family picnic. Camp Sol is a camp we attended last March. It is for families who have lost children. It was great to see all the child life specialists who took care of us and played with Colt in the playroom, nurses, and all the other families. Colts hospice nurse was there, whom we absolutely love! Breanna had a great time. She gets to talk and play with other kids her age who are going through the same things that she is. It is a great opportunity for Joey and I to talk with other families who are going through different stages of grief.
We had a really good time.

Remember September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!!
Wear your Gold Ribbons!! Visit Curesearch.org and become an advocate.

3B

Please come on in and visit 3B
There is some children I want you to see
The floor�s nice and cheery the people are great,
Walk right on in but do not hesitate.
In one room a child so ill from the drugs
A mother so gently will offer her hugs
The child beside them asleep by the door
Has long curly locks falling out on the floor
An IV is beeping and bloods backing up
The tubing is pinched and the needle is stuck
In the arm of a baby asleep by his dad
This is their life, this is so sad.
Come on just keep going don�t stop on me now
There�s so many things I must show you somehow
In the corner lays Mary she�s been here a while
Her parents so tired they can�t even smile
The tumor behind those big beautiful eyes
Is causing her pain, that�s why she cries
But oh there is Geoffrey all ready to play
Maybe we could go watch him if you could just stay
His parents are reading about meds he could take
But the money ran short and the research to late
For this child and so many as death is their fate
They been here forever but the drugs just aren�t right
The cure is out there but the moneys to tight
But just keep on walking as you can escape
By just walking out as it isn�t to late
But for those kids that you just left behind
Will you give them some hope will you give them a sign
That the people out there in the world are so kind
They can part with a dollar to help with the healing
That by saving a life they will have a good feeling
The child in the corner may be yours someday
And the dollar will be there for you I will pray.

Please make cancer awareness a priority!

Christi

Wednesday, August 17, 2005 1:34 PM CDT

I took Breanna school shopping last week, and she loves the Disney Store, so we went in. Of course Toy Story would have to be playing on the big screens. We havn't watched the movie since Colt passed away. They had so much Buzz Lightyear toys and clothes. I could not help but look at it. I wanted so bad to buy Colt a Buzz shirt, and a Buzz coat. When I saw it I felt that lump in my throat, and my heart was just pounding. I almost had to leave the store. Breanna asked if we could buy Colt something, and I had a hard time telling her no, that Colt doesn't need any of this stuff. I told her he has all of the Buzz clothes and toys that he will ever need in heaven. It was so hard seeing all these things that I know he would be throwing a fit to have, and knowing that I will never get to buy things for him again. It just amazes me how people in this world take so much for granted. People let the stupidest things get them down, and so many people put all there hope in this world. I hear other people gripe and complain about there life and how bad it is, and they have no clue. They still have their children, they didn't watch their childs life fade away right before their eyes knowing that cancer was taking over there body, and there was nothing they could do, or wake up one mornging to find out that their son or daughter never made it home. We should live everyday like it is our last day. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, and eventually we will all die unless Christ comes first. Don't spend your life griping and complaining about what you don't have, but be thankful for what you do. Make sure you get to know Jesus, he died for you so you could have eternal life. His promise of eternal life is what gets me out of bed every morning, knowing that each day is one day close to seeing Colt again.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31-32

Remember September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!!
Wear your Gold Ribbons!! Visit Curesearch.org and become an advocate.

3B

Please come on in and visit 3B
There is some children I want you to see
The floor�s nice and cheery the people are great,
Walk right on in but do not hesitate.
In one room a child so ill from the drugs
A mother so gently will offer her hugs
The child beside them asleep by the door
Has long curly locks falling out on the floor
An IV is beeping and bloods backing up
The tubing is pinched and the needle is stuck
In the arm of a baby asleep by his dad
This is their life, this is so sad.
Come on just keep going don�t stop on me now
There�s so many things I must show you somehow
In the corner lays Mary she�s been here a while
Her parents so tired they can�t even smile
The tumor behind those big beautiful eyes
Is causing her pain, that�s why she cries
But oh there is Geoffrey all ready to play
Maybe we could go watch him if you could just stay
His parents are reading about meds he could take
But the money ran short and the research to late
For this child and so many as death is their fate
They been here forever but the drugs just aren�t right
The cure is out there but the moneys to tight
But just keep on walking as you can escape
By just walking out as it isn�t to late
But for those kids that you just left behind
Will you give them some hope will you give them a sign
That the people out there in the world are so kind
They can part with a dollar to help with the healing
That by saving a life they will have a good feeling
The child in the corner may be yours someday
And the dollar will be there for you I will pray.

Please make cancer awareness a priority!

Friday, August 12, 2005 12:10 AM CDT

This is an email I received from a friend that I thought was awesome!

The Concert
When the house lights dimmed and the concert
was about to begin, the mother returned to
her seat and discovered that the child was missing
Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights
focused on the impressive Steinway on stage.
In horror, the mother saw her little
boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out
"Twinkle,Twinkle Little Star."
At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and
whispered in the boy's ear,
"Don't quit.""Keep playing."
Then, leaning over, Paderewski reached
down with his left hand and began filling
in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached
around to the other side of the child,
and he added a running obbligato.
Together, the old master and the young novice
transformed what could have been a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience.
The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played.
Only the classic,
" Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."
Perhaps that's the way it is with God.
What we can accomplish on
our own is hardly noteworthy.
We try our best, but the results aren't always
graceful flowing music. However, with the
hand of the Master, our life's
work can truly be beautiful.
The next time you set out to accomplish great feats,
listen carefully. You may hear the voice of the
Master, whispering in your ear,
"Don't quit." "Keep playing."
May you feel His arms around you and
know that His hands are there, helping you
turn your feeble attempts into true masterpieces.
Remember, God doesn't seem to
call the equipped, rather, He equips the 'called.'
Life is more accurately measured by the lives you touch than by the things you acquire. So touch someone by passing this little message along.

May God bless you and be with you always!
and
remember ,
"Don't quit."
"Keep playing."

Thursday, August 4, 2005 2:49 PM CDT

This time last summer we were planning our trip to Disney World for Colts Wish. It was the most awesome trip we had ever been on. We are planning another trip back this Christmas. We had told Colt when we left last summer that we would all come back next Christmas. I've tried to talk myself out of going this year several times, but we have finally decided to go ahead with the trip. We are going with Joey's brother and his family this time. Colt wanted to take his uncle Chad to see Buzz Lightyear so we want to make sure that happens. I've never seen a boy who had so much love for people. He thought his Uncle Chad hung the moon. I can still see his eyes light up,and Colt running to give Chad a big hug and kiss when he would come over. Disney World is such a magical place, and we have some great memories from our trip. Our trip back is gonna be hard to do without Colt, but I'm extremely excited to get to share it with our family this time.

We are going to the Ranger Game tonight! CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation has a new partnership with Major League Baseball to raise funds and awareness for childhood cancer research. Be sure to watch your favorite team on Sunday and throughout the month of August to see them promote childhood cancer awareness on select dates.
Thank Major League Baseball for supporting childhood cancer by sending a personal message to MLB@CureSearch.org!!

Thursday, August 4, 2005 2:49 PM CDT

Thursday, July 21, 2005 2:01 PM CDT

Today is my Birthday!! I'm 28, way to close to 30!!It has been a great day so far. I have received flowers from one of my awesome friends(and cousin), and they are beautiful! We have had VBS all week, and it has been amazing. So many kids have given their life over to Christ. I am the team leader of the Big Green Team. We chose green because that would have been the team Colt would have picked if he were here. This would have been the first VBS he would have been old enough to participate. He has been every year, but stayed in the nursery. Randall dedicated this year to him, and also made him a special VBS CD. He has always loved the music on the CDs that Randall made for the Kids. This year Colt got the one and only CD from VBS. Thanks Randall for making him a part of Vacation Bible School!! I can see him worshiping with all the kids in heaven! All the kids love the Vacation Bible School Man!

WHO THE SON SETS FREE IS FREE INDEED!

Im Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call;
I turned my back on it all

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss;
Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you sunshine for tomorrow.
My lifes been full, I savored much;
good friends, good times,
A loved ones touch.

Perhaps my time seems all to brief,
don't lengthen it with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.

Author Unknown

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 10:22 PM CDT

One of my very best friends said I needed to update more so I came home tonight and prayed and read my bible, and God told me "just speak from your heart like you always do." Well, lately I 've been a little angry. I think I have finally realized that life is going on, and I don't want it to. For a while it just seemed as though my life had stopped and everyone else was going on with their life. I look at Luke and he is getting so big. I'm scared of the day that he is older than Colt was. I've had to limit my time on the computer because the internet can be very depressing, especialy childhood cancer. After Colt passed away there was so much going on that still involved Colt, so I felt like he was still the center of my life. Now life is moving on and I have realized that I have two other kids that need me. Colt doesn't need me anymore. He is OK!! That is hard to grasp. You guys may think I'm the strongest person, but I'm also a really good faker. There is alot of hurt and pain behind that smile you see. So just because you see me smiling don't think I'm OK. God still has to kick me into gear sometimes, and I have some really awesome friends that kick hard too! I have been so impatient for Jesus's return. I want him to come now, and as I prayed he brought me back to trusting him. When Colt relapsed and didn't respond to chemo thats what we had to do then, and that is what we have to do now. I can't base my love for God on solely what he has done for me on this earth. My love for God is based on trust. I have put all my trust in him. Loosing a child is the most devastating thing that anybody could ever go through, but God has allowed so much good to come out of it. Colt was such an amazing little boy, and God chose me to be his mother. I am so honored to be his Mom and I thank God everyday for allowing him to be a part of my life. Even if I had known I would only have him on earth for 3 years I wouldn't trade it for the world!

This is Gods way of telling me to be patient.

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say,"You are my God." My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies, And from those who persecute me.
Psalm 31:14,15

Friday, July 1, 2005 12:36 AM CDT

**Please pray for our friend Christi Thomas. She has relapsed. She is continuing on with an experimental drug to try to get the neuroblastoma not to progress. Neuroblastoma has no cure, and they know that this is just a temporary fix. Please pray that this drug slows the progression of the disease. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

I'm finally going to update on our trip to Washington D.C. It was an awesome experience. Breanna and Luke did alot better than I thought they would. We met several Congressmen including our 2 Senators and Ralph Hall on Wed. We were accompanied by 3 other families from Texas. They were Tim, Donna, and Andrew Culliver of Brenham, TX; they lost their son Adam to AML 4 short days after he was diagnosed. Leslie and Garret Webb of Brenham, TX; The Webb's, Adam's best friend's family, shared their story of how it has affected their daughter after loosing a best friend. Tara Gibson - MISS WEST TEXAS, from Fort Worth, TX. Tara is a Pediatric Oncology RN for Cookes Children's Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas. She also was an oncology nurse at childrens Medical while Colt was undergoing treatment. More than 300 childhood cancer patients, families, health professionals and advocates from 31 states traveled to Washington DC to participate in the 5th Annual CureSearch Gold Ribbon Days. It was the largest turnout in the history of the event to elevate childhood cancer to national public policy priority.

Gold Ribbon Days advocates took part in more than 200 scheduled visits with their members of Congress and staff. Throughout Gold Ribbon Days, several members of Congress addressed the participants acknowledging their efforts and praising them for their courage and fighting spirit. Keynote speakers included Senator John Kerry (D-MA), Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL), Senator Blanche Lincoln (D-AR) and Congressman Michael McCaul (R-TX). During the Congressional reception, Congresswoman Deborah Pryce (R-OH) and Congressman Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) were presented with CureSearch awards to recognize their commitment to reach the day when every child with cancer can be guaranteed a cure.

Miss America 2005, Deidre Downs, spoke during the keynote session and participated in the entire three-day event by interacting with families and taking pictures with the children. During Gold Ribbon Days, she met with 15 key members of Congress to advocate for increased federal research funding to support the work of the Childrens Oncology Group.

We met with our Rep. from Texas (Ralph Hall) he was so amazing and we recently found out that he cosponsored HR323, which you can read below.

HOUSE RESOLUTION 323
TITLE: Supporting efforts to increase childhood cancer awareness, treatment, and research.
SPONSORED BY: Rep. Deborah Pryce (OH)
Introduced to Congress on June 15, 2005.
NOW...COSPONSORED BY: 41 additional representatives (4 from Texas)

Our stories touched alot of hearts, and I believe they made a huge impact on our Congressmen. Thanks for all of your prayers and support.

Here is another Joke that reminds me of us.
You know your a parent of a child with cancer when
your child's bedroom looks like a Toys R Us� store.
If you have ever seen Colts room you know what I am talking about. We had to build a playroom just to hold all of his toys.

Phil 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 2:20 PM CDT

I just wanted to add something today for my caringbridge families who are still fighting cancer. I want to tell you guys to watch for the Little Blessings. God gave me this scripture, and I think it was to share with you.

But now for a brief moment grace has been shown from the Lord our God, to leave us an escaped remnant and to give us a peg in his holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our bondage.
Ezra 9:8

These are real words of hope to us parents who are facing such a long road of hardships�emotional, spiritual, physical, financial and whatever else. This verse is an assurance to you that even amidst this frightening time in your life, the Lord is there to offer you blessings to encourage you and give you hope along the way. What might they look like? Oh, dear friend, you keep an eye out for them! They're meant to put a sparkle in your eye ("...enlighten (your) eyes ..." ) and lighten your load ("...a little reviving in (your) bondage..."). Please watch for these bits of encouragement God will send your way as you're traveling through this dark time. There are huge blessings awaiting at the end of your time of trial. But for now, God has not forgotten you.

This is a joke I saw and thought of Colt and us. I hope you get a kick out of it.
You know your the parent of a child with cancer when your 3�-year-old is happy to see blood returns on the broviach during blood draws and flushings and squeels, "Yeah blood!" knowing blood returns mean no blocked lines.

Thursday, April 28, 2005 11:09 AM CDT

Just thought I would update. We are so busy lately I havn't had much time. Breanna is playing softball and having a great time. Luke is still not walking, but should take off any day. I've been getting together everything for my Curesearch booth at Fox Fest. I will have bracelets for sale along with several other items. We are also gonna have a float or should I say a trailor in the parade. I have also gotten Carter Bloodcare coming so everyone come and donate blood. You can win a chance to get free Gas for a year!!A friend pointed out a great song called Held by Natalie Grant. If you havn't heard it go get it. It really ministered to me, and I'm sure it will you also.

Christi

My Mom Is A Survivor

My mom is a survivor, or so I've heard it said.
But I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But, like sands on the beach that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day
She wears a smile for others...a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's door, I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom...through Heaven's open door
I try to tell her that angels protect me forever more.
But I know that doesn't help her or ease the burden that she bears.
So If you get a chance, go visit her...and show her that you care.
For no matter what she says, no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart that time won't ever heal.

by Kaye Des'Ormeaux

3B

Please come on in and visit 3B
There is some children I want you to see
The floor�s nice and cheery the people are great,
Walk right on in but do not hesitate.
In one room a child so ill from the drugs
A mother so gently will offer her hugs
The child beside them asleep by the door
Has long curly locks falling out on the floor
An IV is beeping and bloods backing up
The tubing is pinched and the needle is stuck
In the arm of a baby asleep by his dad
This is their life, this is so sad.
Come on just keep going don�t stop on me now
There�s so many things I must show you somehow
In the corner lays Mary she�s been here a while
Her parents so tired they can�t even smile
The tumor behind those big beautiful eyes
Is causing her pain, that�s why she cries
But oh there is Geoffrey all ready to play
Maybe we could go watch him if you could just stay
His parents are reading about meds he could take
But the money ran short and the research to late
For this child and so many as death is their fate
They been here forever but the drugs just aren�t right
The cure is out there but the moneys to tight
But just keep on walking as you can escape
By just walking out as it isn�t to late
But for those kids that you just left behind
Will you give them some hope will you give them a sign
That the people out there in the world are so kind
They can part with a dollar to help with the healing
That by saving a life they will have a good feeling
The child in the corner may be yours someday
And the dollar will be there for you I will pray.

Please make cancer awareness a priority!

Monday, April 4, 2005 10:24 AM CDT

Many Times I find myself asking why a loving God would allow my child to get cancer. I don't if I will ever know the answer to that while on this earth, and when I'm in heaven with Colt again I probably will not care, but what I do know is that in Romans 8:28 it says: And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. When God says that he causes ALL THINGS to work together for good to those who love him, he means all things; including Colts cancer. Many, I like to call them, well-meaning christians made me feel responsible and constantly question my faith and trust in God. Colts cancer was not a punishment for anything that we did. John 9:1-3 talks about the man that was blind from birth. "His discilples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God Might be displayed in his life." When Colt got sick it started a solid foundation of prayer and a brand new relationship with the Lord our God. So I finally figured out what God means by walking by faith and not by sight. We have to have faith in God and trust him. He is the only one who can see the big picture. I know that God did not give Colt the cancer, that is all of satan. I do know that God chose to take him home. Why? I don't know, but we continue to walk in faith and trust the Lord with all our hearts. Joey and I will continue to share what Jesus has done in our lives and Colts life like we have never done before. It seems like a heavy price to pay, but certainly not when you compare it to the price that Jesus had to pay.

THE COCOON

Anonymous

One day a small opening appeared on a cocoon, a man sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force it's body through that little opening. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of it's life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the opening, were God's way of forcing the fluid from the body of the butterfly into it's wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved it's freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. We could never fly.

I asked for strength...And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom...And God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity...And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage...And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love...And God gave me Troubled people to help. I asked for Favors...And God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.

Phil 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

Christi

Wednesday, March 30, 2005 10:03 AM CST

The mercyme concert was awesome!! They also wore their green "Reach the Day Bracelets." We were also able to go backstage to have pictures made. We met Jeremy Camp and another great band The Afters, who also wore the bracelets. They all knew Colts story and were glad to share in his memory and childhood cancer awareness. Most of the band members met Colt at a birtday party we attended for one of the bandmembers son last summer. Joey and I also let them know how much it meant to us that they wore them and that we were able to attend the concert. Breanna and I are now sick from the cold and rain but it was well worth it. Our Easter service was awesome!! One I will never forget. We watched scenes from the Passion of The Christ. It brought me to tears watching Mary as she had to watch her son suffer, and as she held him after he had died. I know her grief far to well. Randall played a song "In Christ Alone" and included a picture of Colt and Seth, and also a picture of Joey and I and Seths parents. Here are some of the words:

No Guilt in Life, No fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me. From lifes first Cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from his hands. Till he returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I stand.

This song means alot to me, because for people who have lost children, Jesus is all we have to hang on to!

I want to add this entry that was in my guestbook to show everyone what amazing friends God has blessed Joey and I with!

Colt,

I wanted to tell you and your Family how much we miss you and love you. I found a poem that probably says it better than I could myself.

(Remembering Colt & Remembering You)

We thought of Colt today, but that is nothing new. We thought of Colt yesterday, and will tomorrow too.
And we also think of you as well, even though you make no outward show. For what it means to lose a child, we will never truly know.
Remembering Colt will be easy, he was such a special joy each day. But we will remember your heartache as well, which we know will never go away.

*We love you all and are blessed to have you in our lives.
Happy 1st Bithday Luke
Happy Birthday Joey
Happy Easter to all!

From Shara

A DAY, A WEEK, A LIFETIME

When I wake up in the morning
I ask myself
How will I get through this day
Without You

As I dress and prepare to start my day
I wonder
How will I go on
Without You

As the day slowly slips away
I remember how you made me laugh
And I smile
Without You

At the end of the day
As I prepare to close my eyes
I know in my HEART
I couldn't have gotten through the day
WITHOUT YOU

Author Unknown

Monday, March 21, 2005 1:35 PM CST

Easter is on its way!! I think this Easter is going to be great, even though this is our first Easter without Colt, we know that the party going on in heaven celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ is far better than our party here. My mother decorated his grave with lots of Easter stuff, and put his Thomas Train out also this weekend. Joey's mom did a great job painting it.We are taking Breanna to a mercyme concert on Saturday at Six Flags, she is going to be so excited. She thinks that we are just going to the park. She has no idea that we are going to the concert. Luke is celebrating his 1st Birthday this Friday, and we are having him a little party Friday evening. We have a very tough and eventful weekend coming up so pray for our strength.

Christi

visit Colts smilequilt at http://smilequilts.com/joeyc.html

Peter Rabbit for A Cure
Here comes Peter Cottontail..Hopping down the bunny trail�
Hippity Hop�Easters on its way�In the story of Peter Rabbit
Peter wanted to get into the garden so bad. He was very determined and tried everyway� So did we�We searched for A cure with all we had�Just like Peter all seemed great for awhile. We thought we had won and we would never part�
The treatment seemed to be working. We were so happy with all our hearts. Like when the farmer saw Peter and yelled STOP THIEF. We wanted to yell that too. When we heard the news� My child had relapsed and there was nothing more
They could do�Peter was most dreadfully frightened for he
Had forgotten his way. Sometimes we lose our way from God also. And in the midst of our sorrow back away as we Stumble� God watches us� He guides us in the right
Directions and shows us the way. I thank God for blessing My life with my child� Even though my child left the earth Too soon�I would only change the outcome�but I would Not trade even a minute for all the stars and the moon�
At the end of the story of Peter Rabbit� He did get out And he didn�t get caught and this so true of cancer. Some Are cured and some are not. So I am here today with a Purpose and a cause� Childhood Cancer the purpose and a cure the cause. This Easter let us celebrate life and How precious each day is with our child. Lets thank God for his gift of eternal life�And for those who have lost a loved one�
Knowing they will see them again.

Monday, February 7, 2005 2:15 PM CST

This page has just been created. Please check back for additional updates.

Click here to go back to the main page.

----End of History----