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Thursday, December 17, 2009 2:51 PM CST

Happy Birthday to my sweet baby girl. I miss her so much. So hard to believe it's been two years since we last celebrated. I just returned from a Christmas party at Ella's preschool and was so thankful as I watched intently sitting "criss-cross applesauce" style in the floor with her hands in her lap waiting patiently for the teacher to control the other children so that she could get on to her present opening! The two girls are so similar in that way just being people watchers that is. They are similar in many ways and though Ella is such a renewal, my heart is completely heavy at times and my spirit crushed without my beautiful 6 year old, my best friend and companion. I have been very emotional today missing my girl-I can't stop crying.

One of mine and Maddie's Christmas traditions was making "Gingerman" cookies (though I can't remember EVER eating them or her even liking to eat them) but she ALWAYS couldn't wait to make them with me! So tonight I've decided that is what Ella and I will do!

We had a wonderful year raising money for St Jude again for the Heroes Race on Dec 5th. So far our team has raised $22K this year!! Thank you to all of our Team Madelyn members and heroes for another wonderful year for Maddie's SJ family & friends! We have the BEST team and I know she would give you all big hugs!!

I must go for now. Thanks for continuing to stop by our site! We love you all! Brandi

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 12:21 AM CDT

We will be having our 2nd Annual "Patties for Maddie" event this Saturday Sept 19th starting at 7AM. The Location of event for those of you local is 8795 Carrollwood Lane, Cordova, TN 38016. It is inside the Countrywood Neighborhood Yard Sale. You won't want to miss this once a year sale!

Team Madelyn will be serving Hamburgers, hotdogs, BBQ, ribs, breakfast, coffee, cold drinks, cotton candy and much more!

All proceeds and donations will go to St Jude!!

Every dollar counts!!

Thank you and many blessings,

Brandi

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 2:53 PM CDT

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 5:36 PM CDT

It's that time of year again...to sign up to be a HERO on TEAM MADELYN for the St Jude HEROES race on Dec 5, 2009.

Go to www.stjudemarathon.org to sign up for the St Jude HEROES 5K, 1/2 or Marathon and you can also be a hero for Maddie by putting in TEAM MADELYN!

We are so proud of everyones efforts for Team Madelyn in last years race which raised 26K by the awards placement cut off in Nov and coming in 8th place overall!!

Let's make our goal this year 30K!! NO $40K!!

I know the kids at St Jude are so worth the effort!! Please help us keep Danny Thomas' dream alive "that no child should have to die in the dawn of life" and keep Maddie's light shining!!!

Maddie...we love you sweet baby girl and we are doing this for you and your friends at St Jude. mommy

Thanks abuncha(word inspired by Maddie!)!


Love Brandi

Friday, April 10, 2009 10:04 AM CDT

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE




All I need to know

I learned from the Easter Bunny!

LOVE THE LORD THY GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART!

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

There's no such thing as too much candy.

All work and no play can make you a basket case.

A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Some body parts should be floppy.

Keep your paws off of other people's jelly beans.

Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.

The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.

To show your true colors, you have to come out of the shell.

The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

May the joy of the season fill your heart.

AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU!

Happy Easter!

author-unknown

Happy Easter to my sweet girl Maddie-Hope you liked those pretty princess and heart balloons Ms Donna and us sent to you last night! Believing the sweetness of heaven is much greater than any Easter here on earth! We love you!

Thursday, March 5, 2009 3:11 PM CST

Maddie, it's your little sister's 2nd Birthday today!! She looks so much like you and is even getting your funny personality! I know you were so proud to be a BIG sister! Daddy and I are always thinking of you each second of the day. We are remembering how much you loved a celebration no matter whose birthday or event! Like on daddy's 30th when you got him that chicken card that sang de, de, deda de, da, doe see doe and danced around the living room like a chicken! Just hilarious and a memory we will always cherish!! We will be sending you balloons from the party tonight!!

Keep dancing little girl~we all love you! By the way I had a beautiful dream about you the other night! I love you, love you, love you too!!!

Love mom, daddy, Tyler and Ellie Pie! (you always loved calling her that didn't you-Maddie cakes!)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009 9:30 AM CST

Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that yesterday was a good day! We did not get to the cemetery. Since it takes a couple of hours to get there we really did not have the time since I had a dr appt at 1PM. We took the kids to school, cleaned the house and checked her website really just to keep busy I suppose, we went to lunch at Snappy's (her favorite place to eat) in Atoka then headed to my appointment. Then it was time to get the kids! I made some cream filled cupcakes and right before dinner we went outside and released 5 balloons (one for each member of our family) Ella was so excited to let her balloons go (hers and Maddie's). We thought she might be upset later not having a balloon so we debated letting the last one go but she was so excited to let it go and then waved bye bye as far as we could see them! She never said another word about em! We then looked at pics of Maddie on the fridge and told her those balloons were for Maddie! She just smiled and pointed to her pics! We had a fun time doing this and I believe this day means more to me than her actual birthday as I can just imagine her entrance one year ago and all she's been doing since! May her light here shine as she dances in the heavens! I love you all and hope you have a blessed day!! Love Brandi

PS I have included a pic of "Maddie's tree" that will continue to be up thoughout her heavenly birthday month!

Monday, February 2, 2009 9:44 AM CST

HAPPY 1st HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY Princess Madelyn!!! WE LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!! LOVE MOMMY, DADDY, YOUR BIG BROTHER TYLER and BABY SISTER ELLA.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 9:02 AM CST

Well our first Christmas without Maddie has now come and went. The time leading up to Christmas was very hard for Neal and I as one or the other of us shed tears of pain and deep sorrow every day for our loss of Maddie not here to share in the baking of gingerbread cookies together, St Jude Christmas parties, looking at lights, visiting Santa, wrapping presents....

Neal and I had the chance to visit her site this past week. It was so brisk and cold out just like the day we laid her to rest. Every time I go I can still hear the shackles of the tent we were huddled under on February 6, 2008.
We had a white wreath with sparkly ribbon and princess decor delivered to her site and took her a huge princess crown balloon for her birthday to tie on the wreath. (I had also gotten her a huge candy cane balloon for Christmas but as I was out shopping in Memphis it flew right out the door of my car-lol-Merry Christmas sweetheart!) It made me smile! There were many other beautiful things as well that her loved ones have placed. Neal and I thank you for your continuous outpouring of love for our Princess Maddie and thank you for continuing to visit her site as her site is about two hrs from our home. I did take some pictures as I always like to remember all the beautiful things that people have placed. They mean so much to us.
We haven't gotten her stone done yet. I sent in a sketch of a design but just not settled on "putting it into stone" just yet.
On a lighter note it was fun watching Ella take her very first real look at lights as we took her over to Germantown to look at a brilliant light display set to music which took top honors for this years display awards in the town!
Tyler, now 15 is just growing up. He enjoys the lights and loves Christmas time! He just doesn't get into the baking or the wrapping, just the eating and opening! Matter of fact his gift to me, a new Starbucks mug came to me in a gift bag!HEHE Just like a guy huh! I loved it!

This year for Christmas Tyler stayed with his dad and family in Martin, TN. He is usually with us on Christmas morning but wanted to be there this year. Christmas morning was a beautiful memory with just Neal and Ella and I as I was just like a little kid who couldn't wait for Neal to open his gifts from us and watch Ella's reaction to ripping paper from her gifts! Backflash-we had already been to our parents for Christmas and other places to open gifts and so when we were home our Miss Ella would see those gifts under the tree and on several occassions she managed to rip the paper off of some! I can only imagine what must have went through her little mind as to why we can open some gifts and then can't open those under the tree then all of a sudden one day (Christmas morning) mommy and daddy say "open your gifts"! LOL How confusing huh!
Well anyway, she enjoyed several nice gifts this year a rocking horse, a nursery rhymes headset (she now looks like Tyler in the back seat listening to music!) 360 ride on Zebra, clothes, pjs, hairbows, monogrammed blanket and puddle jumpers, Elfun game (she loves it), bath toys, a Vtec learning train, several books including a Christmas book which has become tradition, a Doug & Melissa wooden toy(she loves it too), Santa brought her a baby doll with its little white wooden rocking horse and a girly power wheels motorized 4 wheeler! It's funny to watch her try figuring this go button out as she presses and releases over and over and over!

We left for my sisters in Ramsey, IL on Christmas morning after a short visit with our friend Miss Donna in Dyersburg first. Thank you Miss Donna for the wonderful meal and treats for our trip. Then Tyler decided that he would stay in Martin as he received Rock Band for christmas there. I can honestly say it was a very sad trip that morning but a wise woman (my mother) told me of how hard life with a teenager can be! Letting go of your children whether by death or growing up is the hardest thing in life so far. Losing Maddie this year and then not seeing Tyler on Christmas proved to be the toughest most heartbreaking Christmas yet. Though I am thankful that he is surrounded by a loving father and family there along with wonderful loving grandparents and his half brother and sister who absolutly adore Tyler! Bless his heart he just has so much family who love him dearly and want to be with him! I am thankful for such a caring child who loves Jesus!
He has called me and he will be home soon to open his christmas and we will be thankful for him to be home! That just means more Christmas time is coming and spirits lifted! Lord knows we need some of that!
We had a fun visit at my sisters shopping at the Springfield, IL mall, riding the carosel and making our yearly gingerbread house with the girls! Except that everyone got a 24 hr stomach bug except for me. Once that one day was over we played games and my sister and I made our first homemade chocolate pie-and possibly our last! Oh and a cupcake with the girls new cupcake maker-yummy!

So sorry for the long breaks in journaling the past several month's but it seems there is not much computer time for me unless I'm at work and of course that's not the ideal place to be journaling as it's mostly too tearful still at this point in our life's journey. I would like to share with you each day of our life as it's not always sad I promise! There are many wonderful memories happening in our new home and new friends made this past month with Team Madelyn and much we are looking ahead to. I will be sharing those soon as I need to hop off for now!

We love you guys and wish you a very happy and healthy New year in 2009! "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace" Romans 15:13

Love Brandi

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 8:15 PM CST

Our sweet Maddie's birthday is here-Dec 17th! She would be 7yrs old. Can you just imagine the kind of royal princess parties she must be having! We love you precious girl and though the pain of not having you here is much more than I can hardly bear it's comforting to know that you are without pain. As I look through all your pictures tonight having such admiration for a little girl who loved having fun even after just 5 minutes from getting off the vent asking us where your whackin stick is! Dancing like a chicken celebrating dad's 30th birthday and seeing the many smiling faces of her with family and friends who loved her dearly. We miss you Maddie! Neal is working tomorrow and I will most likely be staying home with Ella as she has 104 temp and a sinus infection. Tyler has midterms starting tomorrow. I am getting up now to make some yummy treat for tomorrow and thanking God for our journey, our memories and His love.

happy birthday Maddie!
mommy

Monday, December 8, 2008 2:05 PM CST

Hello there! WOW it's been too long since I've updated almost forgot my password! Just had to jump on here and say a HUGE thank you to our Team Madelyn members and Heroes for an awesome job well done for St Jude! Our team came in 8th place overall raising nearly $29,000!! Not bad for our first year! I know Maddie would have loved the big celebration and all those people! I want to thank all of you who helped contribute to such a wonderful cause in honor of our precious daughter Maddie. We miss her so much!

We had nearly 40 of our team members attend the Pasta Party with us, we watched a video about St Jude patient Joel who now works for ALSAC and got to hear Taylor Dempsey's dad speak about their journey and see Taylor! She and Maddie did a Thanks and Giving photo shoot last year with Marlo Thomas. I have pics of them coloring pics and playing a matching game with all white clothes with binder clips pulling the excess of their clothes back! LOL

It was so awesome to see such familiar faces as if seeing family for the holidays-What a great feeling! Miss Donna and Emilee stayed with us as we finished posters for the big day! 4AM came very early but we managed to get up and down stairs getting balloons ready!

Our team gathered at the Forum for prayer, photos and a balloon release (pink for Maddie, white for peace). This is also the month of her birthday (17th) so many balloons I hope she will receive!

I ran the 5K with several Team Members and it was such an incredible feeling crossing that finish line for the first time and seeing Neal and Tyler cheering me on! It must have been just as incredible for them as they already want to run with me next year!

We had two Marathon runners on our team Keith Budlong and Stacy Wells!

I am in the process of gathering photos of our event and will upload them to my facebook page!

We hope that you will make a committment to join Team Madelyn in next years race against childhood cancer! We love you and thank you all for supporting us! Maddie would be so very proud.


On a side note as I said Maddie's b-day is approaching and the thought of her not being with us at Christmas i can tell you that Neal and I are hurting (we have even used the word mad but no one to be mad at)as we take turns crying in each others arms but we also know that God is good and we are faithful, we love the Lord and each other. We are keeping the tradition that we started last year with Maddie by staying home for Christmas morning but we are leaving that morning for my sisters who lives in Ramsey, IL. Please pray for peace, comfort and much joy for our entire family, our friends and those hurting from the loss of a loved one.

We do have her pink feather tree from her service up in her bathroom and her big pink 6 foot tree up in Ella's room It's so pretty with the white lights, pink sparkle feather boas, crowns and all things Maddie that it may very well be a new household fixture!! Have a Merry PINK Christmas Maddie!! We love you our darlin angel!

Also, a St Jude mom called to say that Maddie's photo is in the new book Born Country by Randy Owen! We received the book as a gift over the weekend, very special indeed! Randy is a huge supporter of St Jude and I am looking forward to reading his book, hope you can get a copy also!

Love Brandi

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 9:29 AM CDT

UPDATE We have 4 Carrie Underwood tickets left! Go to www.ebay.com to view our tickets with proceeds going to St Jude!!
______________________________________


Hello to all! If you are looking or interested in 4 Carrie Underwood tickets at the Desoto County Civic Center in Mississippi please let me know. The concert is for Sunday October 26th at 7PM and the proceeds of the tickets will go toward our Team Madelyn goal for St Jude! You can view our ad and seating Sec 106 Row A on EBAY. Just look for the St Jude icon when looking up C.U. tickets!

Neal and I really need to at least get our money back but also want to help St Jude! We have a Halloween event planned that night. The tickets will be mailed to you within one day of sale if paying by paypal. We will add your name and amount of the sale of tickets to our Team page as well!! Good luck and happy bidding!!! Love Brandi

Friday, October 10, 2008 5:01 PM CDT

Mine and Neal's anniversary was yesterday! 9Years to be exact! He surprised me by taking Miss Ella to a sitter (Thank you Montgomery's!) and when I arrived home from work he and Tyler had swept, mopped, dusted, vacuumed the entire house! I went to take off my heels and figured Ella was in the play room and did not hear me come in! There was a ring of the doorbell and to my surprise at the door was my wonderful husband greeting me with "I'm here for our date!" What? I ask where is Ella? He replied, "It's been all taken care of!" I got my heels back on thinking WOW we might go somewhere nice! I was surprised to find out as we had reservations at the Melting Pot! We had never been and it was a delightful experience!

We are heading to NashVegas (nashville) this weekend to my friend Emily and Jon's for our first annual Cornhole tournament for Team Madelyn!! I will let you all know how it goes!! Team madelyn has now raised over 10,000 for St Jude and we are so proud of each and every one of you for all you are doing to support such a wonderful cause!! Please remember that we are only half way there so email everyone you know to help us reach our goal!!

I am going to place an order for shirts next week! I have 3 sponsors so far! For just 100.00 you can have your logo put on our T-Shirts but you will need to email me with your request and I'll send you the info and where to send your check! We will be selling the T-shirts as a Team Madelyn fundraiser they are $12 each or 2 for $20 (no tax). All proceeds will go to St Jude!! You will need to just email me at bpbeamon@yahoo.com with amount and shirt sizes. I will send you the address info then! I am off to Nashvegas with Neal, Tyler, Ella and Jude (Ty's puppy)! Love you guys! Brandi

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 2:16 PM CDT

FYI! The annual St Jude Chili's Create-A-Pepper Campaign is Monday, September 29th! 100f profits go to St Jude so since you have to eat might as well eat lunch and dinner at Chili's on Monday!!! It humbles me to know that Maddie was on the coasters at Chili's last year! I look forward to seeing the new faces of HOPE!


Hello friends! (Our Team shirt logo is ready-more information to come!)


First, I wanted to give you an update on our first annual "Patties for Maddie"/Garage sale event that took place this past Saturday. I was amazed at the tremendous response at the grill that morning even with the rain! And when I say morning I will just say by 12Noon we were completely OUT of food to sell!! At 6AM the people came as we were smelling up the neighborhood with sausage and bacon with homemade biscuits we sold 8 lbs and 5lbs respectively and Howard's doughnuts who donated two dozen for our event! At 8AM people were already asking for BBQ! So since it was done early we started selling! By 8:45AM, in just 45 minutes we had sold out of two BBQ butts! So then we started selling BBQ ribs and when that was gone we were back in the freezer and pulled out 5lbs of BBQ bologna!! We were just in awe of how many people there were to feed and how much more we could have sold!! It was a great 1st year!
Here is a run down of the event!
The garage sale amount for Team Madelyn brought in 763.70, Patties for Maddie raised 447.00, hats off to the Montgomery Girls who came up with their own little fundraiser at the event....Lillie and Lainees Lemonade for Life Stand raised 96.00, Casey's scrunchies raised 45.00 and Taylor's flower pens brought in 50.00! For a total going to St Jude from Team Madelyn being $1401.70!! We are so proud of all our donors, helpers and those who brought items to sale! You made this a great success! Thank you so much!!

Now we are looking ahead to our next event in October! I know several of you including, my sis Alina, my friend Emily and caringbridge supporter Laura are heading up events to raise money for Team Madelyn! Let us know if you guys need pics, posters or anything!! I will let you guys know when I get more information on our next Memphis event! Go Team Madelyn!!

Love you guys!
Maddie's mommy!

PS Stay tuned for information coming about our Team Shirts!

Friday, September 19, 2008 10:11 AM CDT

Our first Team Madelyn Fundraiser "Patties for Maddie" is tomorrow September 20th! We'll be serving Breakfast starting at 6:30AM and Lunch all day!! All proceeds and donations will support Team Madelyn in the St Jude Heroes Marathon! We are looking forward to the sale and hope that you will come and support Team Madelyn for St Jude!!!
You can view our listing on Craigslist-Memphis and on goyardsales.com! Look for the bright yellow signs with glittery arrows (Maddie would have loved)pointing the way to our home!! We'll see you at the grill!! Thanks a bunch!!

BB

Patties for Maddie event address!
8795 Carrollwood Lane E
Cordova, TN 38016

Sunday, September 7, 2008 12:38 AM CDT

Here is the link to just be a HERO on TEAM MADELYN!!!!!

http://www.active.com/framed/event_detail.cfm?event_id=1560318


GO TEAM MADELYN!!!!!!Remember though if you want to run/walk sign up by Sept 15th to beat the earlybird discount!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hello to all! I hope you are all having a blessed day! Neal and I have been up to quite a bit lately so stop right now, get a drink and even a snack as I'd be happy to share with you what's going on with the Beamon's just 6 short months after our precious Maddie has gone home to Jesus. Can you believe how time is passing...All I can say is I am amazed at how one little girl has reached so many hearts and how God is helping me with my passions in life of helping others in need. My focus of helping the children of St Jude is fueled deeply from my gift of Maddie and the love I held for her! Not wanting another mommy or daddy to feel the pain I live with daily. My heart may be broken but my spirit is not. I breakdown at times (well I'm female for onelol) but seriously there are times when others problems and suffering relate and hurt them all the same and the memories come back but knowing that I have a focus and a mission that we will see Neuroblastoma as we see Leukemia today with a 95ure rate! I think of that day at St. Jude when picking up the hospital newsletter and reading about this significant statistical increase and how overwhelmed I was at that fact! One being, that I knew so many leukemia patients that I was elated and overwhelmed with joy of knowing that these children had a strong chance of remission and a great chance of survival and how proud as a parent this news must have meant to them! One the other hand, I was scarred with the fact that in the case of NB, medicine and research has not been so substantial if even much at all. But my greatest joy is knowing that while every child and every circumstance and illness is separate in itself we are all there for the common cause and that's to seek treatment at a facility that is rich in knowledge and significant in HOPE! A facity that shares their research and information freely with all other hospitals in the world for the goodness of our children. Being even on the other side of HOPE with Maddie I now have an even greater HOPE in what's to come! I am challegened daily with overcoming sadness and a broken heart but my willingness to give back to a mission much greater than you could imagine at St Jude is one that I will forever fight for. With so much disease and cancer in our young children today and now knowing this world of childhood cancer personally I take it very serious when raising money for the St Jude children, doctors, staff, nurses and volunteers who mean so much to me and my family.

I am so excited about our first year as TEAM MADELYN in this year's St Jude HEROES race on Dec 6!!! We are currently in 4th place and we have much more to go to get to FIRST!! Wouldn't it be incredible for a first year team to raise the most money for St Jude!! I challenge you reading this that even if you can only give $20.00,$10.00 or even $5.00 please just go to our heroes site at www.stjudeheroes.org/users/brandi and make a donation!

If you are in the area and would like to participate in the race by running or walking on Dec 6, I encourage you to sign up right now as the early bird discount is only until Sept 15th! Go to www.stjudeheroes.org and follow the steps I have outlined above my journal!

If you are a business and would like to be a sponsor and donor to TEAM MADELYN we 'd like to include your logo on our shirts!! Please contact me at bpbeamon@yahoo.com

NEWS FLASH!!!
I was approached by ALSAC to speak on behalf of our family and team for the St Jude Heroes race! It will be on the LIVE(OMG!) at 9 show on Channel 3 this Friday morning Sept 12th for anyone interested in learning even more about the Heroes race! Please pray specifically for me to be a blessing and an advocate for Maddie and the children. My heart will certainly be in the right place but sometimes my mind is filled with so many emotions and thoughts regarding our journey that I become overwhelmed with anxiety! It is an honor to be speaking on their behalf!

ALSO We are having our first TEAM MADELYN Fundraiser "PATTIES FOR MADDIE"! It will be on Saturday September 20th. We will be having our huge annual neighborhood Countrywood/Berryhill garage sale with our sale located at 8795 Carrollwood Lane E, Cordova, TN 38016 will feature 5 families! We will be serving "Patties for Maddie" with all proceeds and donations going to TEAM MADELYN for St Jude! You can find our ad along with the entire sale on goyardsales.com We will be serving Braekfast beginning at 6:30AM and lunch of BBQ, Hamburgers and hotdogs along with drinks and snacks beginning at 10AM! Also there will be "little Team Madelyn" volunteers set up selling lemonade, and creative hand made items! So be sure to stop by for all your hungar needs!! Sit in our chairs on the shaded lawn or eat while you shop! Look for the balloons and smoker in the front lawn!! Anyone wishing to volunteer or donate drinks or snacks please call me at 901-451-0986 for details! We can only raise the most money with your donation!! Thank you so much!!

On a family note, our son Tyler just turned 15 this past Sunday the 31st! We celebrated with a VOLS party and gained two additional family members, puppies Hope and Jude!
We are still looking to move into another home soon but I will keep you posted! At earliest we are looking at the end of the month though it will still be in this area. My position with Forest City at the Naval base is going very well! Neal's been working and Miss Ella is happily going to her sitter daily with her four little friends there! The three of them have just gotten over colds but all is going well! Please pray specifically for God's will on our home and as we move forward with life without Maddie-this seems to be my weakness with new changes.

Take care and I'll see many of you at Patties for Maddie!

Love to all,
Brandi

Monday, August 11, 2008 9:34 PM CDT

Hello to all!

Just want to give you all an update on our family! It's been 5 months now since Maddie left my side and all I can say is I/we have good days and bad. For the most part I can hide my feelings pretty well! Not wanting others to hurt i tend to do that...I can't believe I just admitted that but I know it's true. My heart is broken tonight as I am missing her more and more each day. I go through times when things are ok and the day goes by without shedding tears but then there are other days that I get a severe headache cause I can't get her off my mind as her laughter eats at my soul. I've had three dreams about her thus far...always her laughing and close by but I don't get too close in fear of losing her again maybe..... I will say that I do function! I mean I have to with two other children!
I am liking my new job as an admin assitant for Forest City Enterprises. I work in the construction and Development office doing marketing for our company newsletter, attending weekly contractor meetings and of course making sure the boss is happy!! I just got my new Blackberry! It's pretty cool! Now I just have to figure out all those buttons!lol I worried about going back to work after 4 and a half years but like everyone said it has not been too bad at all. Ella is now loving her sitter, "Miss" Jeannie who is actually right here in our neighborhood! She gets excited now when we pull in the driveway unlike the first two weeks! She has 4 little friends she sees everyday there also! One is name Madeline! She is doing well. Just really into screaming for everything as she is trying to say some of her first words! She wants so badly to talk! Bless her heart she gets so mad sometimes trying to tell me what she wants!

Tyler is great except that he's just not liking that summer is over! Who is? We are in the process of looking for a home where he can go to school again. He is starting HS this year and turns 15 the last day of this month! WOW! And to think we started at St Jude when he was just 10 and then started homeschooling at Faith Heritage Cristian Academy.
We're looking here in the Memphis area but nothing has caught our attention just yet I guess. The process of looking for a home I guess has put alittle stress and strain on me I'm sure knowing that we are sorta in a time crunch with school and it's been most difficult trying to factor in the fact that we don't need an extra room for Maddie. You may think this sounds crazy and it even seems strange to say it but it's true that every house I look at I keep trying to figure in a room for each our 3 kids. It's really tough moving forward and having to remove, replace or just change things of Maddie's. I still can't go through her dresser of clothes though I need the space! Well neal and I are watching the Olympics so I must go for now!

Love Brandi

Sunday, June 29, 2008 9:14 AM CDT

FRI July 25
A few things have been added to the FAQ' above so please take the time to read and become a HERO for Maddie!!

TUES July 22
YEAH!! We have finally made it to the Top fundraisers list-well at the bottom but hey were on the list! So now let's keep donating and moving up this ladder to be the TOP contenders!!!! Please visit my new heroes page at

www.stjudeheroes.org/users/brandi

Please help me reach my goal and our teams goal by donating in honor of our precious girl and helping save the lives of those still fighting!! I'm looking forward to seeing your name!! LETS GO TEAM MADELYN!!!


FRI July 18
I was contacted by a loyal CB supporter with the news that our girl made PEOPLE MAGAZINE! I was finally able to snag one for myself as I went to 4 stores before finding it! She is in this month's Special Edition with Miley Cyrus on the cover, page 77! My heart is elated to see her still shining but OH how I would take our normal common life back in a heart beat!

missing Maddie,
Brandi




TUES July 8
Update: See FAQ's above added for TEAM MADELYN-thank you!


Maddie's light shines again....

I must say I am truly humbled when I get an email saying "I had no idea you were going through all of this". It makes me realize that another person has been affected by Maddie's sweet spirit! I just have to share this story with you and give you a link to a business that has been touched by Maddie's life.

As I was sending out emails regarding our newly formed TEAM MADELYN-I get an email from a business that I purchased a monogrammed keyfob from back in the fall stating that she had "No idea we were going through such a thing"...turns out she has children with special needs and many trips to the hospital as well. She has been so kind to now put a link on her home page with a July special for TEAM MADELYN. So here is another way you can help our TEAM MADELYN and get some really cool monogrammed things for yourself or even others for Birthdays and Christmas!!! I have pasted part of her sweet message to us!

"Our situation is nothing as severe as Maddie's was, but we've spent a lot of time in the hospital with our sons and so I understand the hardship this puts on a family. Our doctors are 1 1/2 hours away and any hospitalization requires a lot of driving and PICU visits require hotel rooms...then our big doctor is in Boston (we're in SC). I know you've been through a lot, but yet I don't know. It's the least I can do. I hope you get lots of folks that are touched by Maddie as I was. I know how you feel about wanting to spread the word. I've often thought this about Noah. If I can help one person who's dealing with this, then it makes his pain a little more bearable. So, you can visit www.personalizeitaiken.com and I'll put it on the home page. I'll put a July special up that if they donate to Team Maddie I'll give them 10 percent their next purchase. Maybe that will help as well."

Thanks for supporting TEAM MADELYN and God Bless!
Love Brandi
the link again is
www.personalizeitaiken.com

GO TEAM MADELYN!!





************************************


IT’S OFFICIAL!!!!

Calling all caringbridge friends, family, supporters and lovers of Madelyn Paige Beamon......
It is an honor to introduce to you TEAM Madelyn in honor of our precious sweetheart Madelyn!!
TEAM Madelyn has been created to support St Jude in the upcoming St Jude Marathon on December 6, 2008. It is and will include ANYONE around the world who wishes to support St Jude for all their heroic efforts in saving childrens lives! So if you are reading this we KNOW you love us and are remembering Maddie so please say you’ll join our TEAM and become a HERO!!!
So you officially have 6 months to TRAIN, prepare and make plans to ATTEND a huge CELEBRATION in downtown Memphis to support the kids of St Jude, the doctors and nurses and the many volunteers who spend countless hours of their life hoping for a cure for cancer and other catastrophic illnesses! I have heard countless stories regarding this event and it’s not one to take lightly, it is emotionally uplifting to say the least….. Just knowing that we are all coming together for a common cause…to fight childhood cancer! We have many ideas and plans to make this event successful so please feel free to call us at 901-258-1300 should you need ideas or have an idea for a great fundraiser for our TEAM MADELYN!! I will be glad to email you photos to support your fundraising efforts too! Don’t feel like you’re too far away to help TEAM MADELYN!!! Maddie will be with you in spirit as you put your heart on the line for her friends still fighting! Thank you in advance for your support for TEAM MADELYN & St Jude!

PLEASE say you’ll join our TEAM MADELYN….Be a HERO….get a webpage of your own…set your individual goal…..tell EVERYONE to donate to your page…..your individual goal helps TEAM MADELYN reach its GOAL!!! Let’s raise 50K!!!!!
I have listed below the steps for sponsoring/donating to TEAM MADELYN:
-Go to www.stjudeheroes.org
-click Sponsor a HERO
-click Find TEAM
-Type in MADELYN
-Click on the TEAM MADELYN website
-View our new TEAM MADELYN page and please DONATE NOW in honor of our HERO Madelyn!!!
****************************************************
TO sign up as a HERO and get your own page to raise money in honor of MADELYN:
-Go to www.stjude.org
-click Register to be a HERO
-click TN on the map
-click The St Jude Memphis Marathon down below
-you should then be at the photo that says LET’S ROCK! Halfway down the page in red is where you’ll want to register to become a HERO for TEAM MADELYN!!!
-start Fundraising or direct everyone you know to your new StJude/TEAM MADELYN webpage!!
I am so excited about doing this for Madelyn and I HOPE you’ll join us in some way to keep her light shining! God Bless you and Happy Fundraising!

I will be updating on all new information for TEAM MADELYN here!! Stay tuned!

Love Brandi

Sunday, June 15, 2008 10:43 PM CDT

Neal and I shared our special days together today (Father's Day and my Birthday!) Another first without our precious Maddie yet we kept busy with church, friends & Ella! We did think of Maddie all day and even had a laugh (and cry) knowing that she wouldn't know what to do with herself having to celebrate BOTH mommy and daddy's day! She would be sitting at her activity desk coloring us pictures and then wrapping special things around the house in construction paper and towels! She loved wrapping and giving us gifts! I've added a few pics of our time together today! Enjoy!


Happy Father's Day Daddy!! We love you!





watch out! She'll get ya!


in our backyard!

Thursday, June 12, 2008 7:25 AM CDT

UPDATE: Well I went for the interview, it's for an Administrative Assistant for the Vice President of a 50 year military project here in Memphis. Basically in a nut shell, I qualify for the position should I accept and will start June 30th-Neal's Birthday. We will talk more on this soon when I can wrap my head around this idea....Neal is working still for Volt Telecom and we are leaving today for Nashville for the HFH golf tournament in the AM! Stay tuned! Brandi



Wed June 11, 2008
We miss Maddie terribly-the past week has been really tough for me. I guess another part of the grieving process has kicked in and I'm just very withdrawn and emotionally sad. I know part of it is because someone has called me for a full time working position, just what Neal and I have been praying for, for at least one of us and it happened to be me. I haven't worked in 4 and 1/2 years. I worked so hard years ago getting my BS in Marketing and keeping up my P&C and L&H insurance license over the past 4 years so why do I feel this way? Well back in 2004, when I had to stop everything at the drop of a hat, my job in Dyersburg as an ins agent, shutting down the restaurant, leaving church and friends behind, selling our home, to living 4 years in the size of a hotel/small apt, I had adapted to this way of life and as long as Maddie was by our side I told God I was ok with that. I would to sit in the playroom at St Jude playing one of her favorite games Guess Who and making crafts and even lay in bed at St Jude beside her many times over thinking and praying, God if I could just keep doing this the rest of my life I will be happy! All those things I once strived to reach in my life were nothing once our precious 2 year old was diagnosed with an incurable cancer. I remember thinking to myself that going back to work for me would mean not having Maddie. As much as we needed an income on our standards of living you know (taking Maddie to get ice cream, weekend trips and visits, Build a Bear, paint a piece, sweet n sassy, getting her nails done and the list goes on of things we wanted her to experience!)It seemed over the 4 years that we treated and kept hoping for a cure to come in her time that it was not at all feasible for me to go to work especially while Neal was working. There was so many times(ever in my opinion) that she could not risk being around many children in a daycare setting in fear of sickness, line pulls from her chest, or even a knee scrap. The hospital for us was a 3-4 day a week if not daily routine. Maddie's treatment protocol was so extensive with much of it being inpatient, then there was transplant, anti-body therapy, 20 rounds radiation, 4 times on a ventilator, I believe in all we have counted 19 different chemo’s that she received trying to kill this beast we call Neuroblastoma. Even the 9 months that she was stable in 2006 from March to December we went back at least once per month getting IVIG, an immune system booster because her T-cells were still so low even two years POST transplant. WOW! I get teary eyed just thinking of all she had to endure and that's just a small fraction. UGGHHH
So I guess what I am saying is that through all of that I was so grateful that the Lord gave her to me to love and take care of. Though it is painful that the cancer took her away from us I will live so that one day I can see her again. The Lord promises us that we will!
So for me, going back to work reminds me that my Maddie is no longer with me here on earth, those times that I begged God to let me just have that small place to live and just enough money to buy us some happies now and then would do. I just wanted to keep my girl. I guess some would argue that I was attached to something that wasn't really mine? And even He just loaned her to me for a short while I am thankful for feeling what unconditional love is all about! Thank you God for allowing me to see your work of art, your masterpiece in Madelyn and letting me experience your love for us cause that's what I think of when I feel the love I have for Madelyn and the presence she made in my life as a daughter. You have provided all our needs to get us through our journey and we are grateful. I seen how small I am standing next to Madelyn and how your light shines through her. It is with your word and your presence in our life that we see your miraculous works unfolding. Thank you God for loving us, making our hearts strong and our minds alert to your message even after the storm. Keep us always in the presence of your word and surround us with those that love you and believe your word as truth. For it is through the power of you that heals our hearts and strengthens our minds. Amen

As I have sat for several days sobbing over going back to work and leaving Ella someplace and putting Tyler in school (and where) just saying a prayer like this comforts and reminds me that we are to live in the present and that Maddie is still shining and that no one can feel my pain but Him and that just maybe there is more to come from going back to work. Neal and I have sat last night with him reminding me of things we'd like to have that remind us so much of Madelyn, one being a $54,000 Thomas Kincaid painting of Cinderella's castle! Yes, there is ONE in the world that has not sold yet!LOL OK, we'll take a replica please! HEHE We'd like to have our own home again with an extra room with all Madelyn's toys for Ella and friends to play with and not just stored away! We'd like to have a little flower garden with her sweet face etched on a stepping stone! OH! How I can dream of her and many beautiful things I'd like to have to remind me of our happy times together but that requires working and having the money to pay for it huh?! So when I see it that way, me working is like working for not only Ella and Tyler and my husband's needs but for our sweet Maddie as well! So now I must go for that once dreaded interview with the attitude that my sweet Maddie is shining brightly before me and leading my way!

Thank you for listening as I pour out my heart to you knowing that you are still on this journey with us means a lot! Thank you for being our friends and supporters-we love you guys! Please pray for the best decision to be made for our family!

Love Brandi
Neal, Tyler, ^^Madelyn^^ & Ella

Monday, June 9, 2008 3:09 PM CDT

WOW! it's hot here in Memphis! I haven't updated in a couple of weeks so I thought I'd let you guys in on an update from the Beamon's!!!
Well Tyler is enjoying time at his dad's and visiting everyday with his cousins and grandparents there too! He is having a great time and will be back home on June 26th before heading to a week of church camp on the 29th-July4th! He will not be going to the Nashville camp in July as planned as he will be going to Gulf Shores for vacation instead with his dad and family! Lucky dog, gettin to go to the beach!!

My sister Alina, husband Doug and my neices Emma, Gracie and Katie will be here for a week beginning June 23rd! We are looking forward to entertaining them and spending the week together! The last time the girls were here was in October! We were at the apt by St Jude then. The girls loved playing magnetic and paper dolls out on the deck. I have many pics of them when Maddie was feeling so good! I still can't believe looking back she'd be gone just 4 months later. I can't help it but these are the things I think about looking back. And not that I have regrets either cause I don't when it comes to the time I spent with her or not doing enough fun stuff cause that we did each and every day! But I do think back to Oct and pics from around that time and wonder "what if" we'd stated treatment then but we were waiting on something to come out that maybe wouldn't cause her counts to stay down so long and she felt so good that we wanted her to feel that freedom from treatment and the list goes on and I know that there is a multitude of things I could say here but the fact is she's not coming back so I must just stop thinking and looking back-it's not what God wants us to do-I do know that He wants us to live in the present! I just miss her and just talking about it to you now makes the tears flow and memories come to mind! She crosses my mind so many times a day that it sometimes feels as if she's sitting right here beside me!
We got a new precher this Sunday at church, Josh Ross and his wife and son are Kayci and Truitt. We had a meet and greet last night to meet them and they are very sweet. They are young (about 27) so I wondered how such a young person could take on an Executive postion such as our 800 member church but only time will tell as he delivers God's message! He has been looked at by our elders for now 5 months so I know that God has weighed heavy on this decision for us!
Ella-OH my sweet Ella! She is into everything! Very curious and loves for you to read to her! She has this very favorite book appropriatly titled "If I were a princess" and it has a slot to put your photo, well she brings this book to me each day with a ei, ei, ei, ei til I sit and read it to her! This goes on several times per day! I try with the color books but no she only wants the princess book!
She knows hot now with her signing so when we get in the car now she signs hot! Grandma Sherry sent home a big purple dinosaur sprinkler/pool that we have been enjoying! It's been nice in this hot weather we're having!
She has become a very affectionate little girl! She loves company and people in general and with open arms to just about every friendly face she sees! I feel so bad sometimes as i know no one wants to make she or I feel bad by not picking her up but she loves for other people to hold her and grunts loudly til you do so!! Oh well! I can't help that were so loving huh!

Well we are heading to Nashville on Thursday for a golf tournament benefiting Habitat for Hope! We are looking forward to volunteering for such a wonderful organization that sincerly loves what they do in helping families who are enduring life threatning illnesses! I am very proud to be of help and "give back". They are still accepting 4 man golf teams til this Wednesday at 5PM! If you are in the Nashville or within reach please go to http://thomabraham.net/golf.html for how to sign up your team! Remember you are ehlping children affected by cancer and other diseases and making a difference in a families life! Hope to see you there!!

Well I need to go as Miss Ella is awake from her nap and we are heading to the pool today!
Love Brandi

Monday, May 19, 2008 9:57 PM CDT

Newest Photos above despict the many faces and funny moments of our precious Madelyn! Thanks to ALSAC for really capturing her fUnLoViNg personality and making her sweet spirit SHINE!!


This is one of Maddie's many drawings that I love so much and that she give me for Mother's Day last year! She LOVED rainbows and drew them on most every picture she drew! Here is daddy with his gotee and mustache, me with my flippy hair, tyler with his fav color green shirt, her new baby sister Ella and her with her LONG brown hair that she always longed for!! Just her beautiful thoughts!

Wanna know 3 Maddie lessons?
If you would like to read one of the three speeches written on behalf of our princess Maddie go to www.habitatforhope.org. Go to the hope blog and go down to "In Celebration of the Life of Madelyn Beamon". (Past the photo blog of she and dad!) And keep checking back here-at some point I hope to get the full service on here!
May her light shine on you today!
Love Brandi






Something special sent to me that I wanted to share with you tonight! I just love the ending! Love Brandi


FOOTPRINTS....A New Version

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.


But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures and returns.
For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling, His consistently.

You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.


Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger.

Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints.

You are amazed and shocked.
Your dream ends. Now you pray:

"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But you walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with you."

"That is correct."

"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in your steps, following you very closely."

"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."

"So....When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like you in every way."

"Precisely!" said Jesus.

"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."

There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.
"You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"




To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-4

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 9:33 AM CDT

Just In!!!! For anyone who may have taken a photo with our precious Maddie or was at her Life Celebration service and viewed the video and would like a book copy of the photos I now have the website where you can do so! Take care, Love Brandi

http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/165111

Just copy the above into your web browser to view the first 15 pages!





To all the mommies out there~I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!!

As I went through my very first Mother's Day without my precious 6 yr old, I was reminded of many beautiful memories of past Mother's days and also of so many other mommas who are in my shoes. My heart has ached all week thinking of those mommas and longing for my beautiful baby girl to be here with me and finally by Mother's Day I was alittle more at ease. I was surrounded by an awesome church family in the AM of Mother's day, Tyler, Neal and Ella and even got in a two hour nap before being invited to the Sagraves home here in Memphis for BBQ and fellowship, they too lost their son to cancer last September. Ella had a fun time playing with the Montgomery girls and Tyler had fun watching a movie on the big screen and playing ball! Neal had to leave early Sunday afternoon for a job that he had the next morning so it really helped to be with friends this day!
Last year Maddie was so excited for me to unwrap a large square frame which was perfectly matted with a piece of her artwork of our family and then a photo of she and I at the bottom! It sits on an easel in the kitchen entry way! It's just priceless. I came accross a photo several weeks ago~it's a photo of Maddie sitting in her hospital bed at St Jude right after she relapsed around Valentines Day 2007, she's using markers, drawing and coloring this same photo of our family! Then she gave it to me for Mother's Day...those are the best gifts to me!
Well not much is happening here except Neal still looking for work as his hours were cut even more this past week. So we stay at home as much as possible keeping our fuel costs down! WOW! Can you believe the prices?
Tyler is wrapping up school in the next two weeks and looking forward to youth camp at the end of June then he will be going to Nashville for a 2-3 day youth trip working with inner city kids!
Ella is very much exploring her world! What's new with her? hmmm....she loves to wave at EVERYTHING! The birds, the trees, people, the moving lake water, hairbows...I've just never seen such a friendly baby! She's still has those chubby little legs and arms that look as if she has rubberbands around em! She loves to dance now~just saying "shake your booty" gets her moving side to side! She also loves when I sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider, now she puts her fingers together to sing along! She's starting to love her hairbows-they hang on one of her closet doors and when we are getting dressed for the day that is the first thing she points to then points to her head!hehe She's being taught Maddie style!! How to be a girly girl!!

Well I have to go she's awake now and the guys are out mowing so we'll be going out to watch!!

Love to all
God bless all you mommas!!

hugs,
Brandi

Sunday, April 27, 2008 11:13 PM CDT

Hello friends!

I am very sad tonight and for the past hour I have cried pretty much nonstop. I am not sure what has triggered such intense emotions of sadness and missing Maddie more than any other time. I am guessing a mixture of things that have went on this past week.

Well my friend Emily and her Prince Jon finally tied the knot in a beautiful lavish church wedding in Nashville!
We arrived Friday evening at our hotel. Tyler was able to enjoy some time on his PS2 while Ella tore through some of my magazines and rummaged through the hotel room!
Outside the hotel we all practiced our walk as this was Tyler's first time as an usher and candlelighter! It was quite entertaining for us to do!hehe

We got dressed and headed to the rehearsal at the church. After a couple of takes at the church we all headed to the Rehearsal dinner at a local hotel restaurant. There we dined on a carving station and great food and watched a video of the couple!
That same night after getting Ella back to the hotel and bed I slipped out to enjoy the rest of the night with Emily and several other friends at her condo. There she gave me a newspaper with a full page story of Maddie when she was just 4!

The next morning was Brunch with Beth (Emily's mom) at 11. Ella and I attended the brunch while the boys headed to a book store in the mall! Ella loves to point to people in photos right now so as many photos were laid out she was there for the pointing! Even a sweet photo of Emily, Ella and Maddie sitting in front of our tree at Christmas this past year! Maddie was holding up her snowman ornament with her name written in red! She loved things with her name!
As the rains came down it was time to get ready for the wedding! Tyler looked so handsome in his tux! He has really grown up this past year! Neal and I got fancied up as well! He even wore a pink tie in honor of Maddie! And Miss Ella was adorable in her black and pink dress with monogrammed initials that she wore at Maddie's service.
At the church, I was excited to see Emily far in the distance for the first time in her gown, it was as if watching Cinderella! Maddie would have been so very proud! I could just see Maddie now walking swiftly & intently (not running)down the aisle to give Emily a hug but being very careful as not to mess up her lipgloss!

Tyler did well as an usher, candlelighter and even rolling out the carpet! Ella was held by my mom during the ceremony and I never heard her so I assume she was no trouble! Neal and I had one job and that was to light the center uppermost candle in honor of Emily and Jon's Princess Flowergirl. First of all, I am humbled that I have such a great friend to include Maddie as still a flower girl no matter what! And second, that she made her the center of her ceremonial lighting. The hard part for me was listening to the lyrics to Wind Beneath My Wings played during the bridesmaids walk. Just knowing how much of a HERO Maddie was to me!
The wedding ceremony was beautiful as was the reception that followed at the Hilton hotel. Ella tired out about 9pm while Tyler went swimming at the indoor pool with a friend and Neal and I with baby monitor attached enjoyed dancing and visiting old and new friends!
I wish Jon and Emily the very best and a great time in Jamaica!

So the fun this week doesn't end there! Saturday we surprised some friends by attending their 4 daughters cheerleading competion held here in Memphis! The Bartlett team got 1st place in both divisions!! So now they are heading to Franklin for the National Cheerleading competion to be held on May 30th! This to reminded me of Maddie as I couldn't help but shed tears being reminded that my dreams of her cheering and dancing were cut short.
Then later that evening Neal, Ella and I attended another wedding of St Jude nurse, Ginny Hill to Andy Gross of HFH!

So as you can see the past week has just been full of beautiful things all reminders of our sweet girl that we miss terribly. It seems that tonight as Neal left to get Tyler, Ella now asleep and the house quite, I am left to reflect over the past week and the many emotions have now come to surface. I sat tonight also reading the guestbook and in awe of your thoughtful words and just remembering us in your thoughts and prayers. One entry even ask for an update!HEHE So I figure hey, there is someone really loving us and wanting to hear whats going on! Thanks so much for always checking in and seeing what life is like for us without our princess here on earth. If you are hurting and missing Maddie just know that we know how you feel as we are too! We thank you for loving her!
It makes me smile knowing that God brought such a beautiful light into this world if only for an instant! It has shown me what true unconditional love is all about and not taking life for granted! We love you all! May her light always shine!

In His grip,
Brandi, Neal, Tyler, ^^Madelyn^^ & Ella

OH and also this week Tyler got braces on Thursday! He was not at all excited about this and had a rough couple of days at his dads trying to manage the pain and discomfort. OH how I remember those days! As of tonight he seems to be dealing with this much better and only complains of a mouth sore.

Sunday, April 27, 2008 11:13 PM CDT

Hello friends!

I am very sad tonight and for the past hour I have cried pretty much nonstop. I am not sure what has triggered such intense emotions of sadness and missing Maddie more than any other time. I am guessing a mixture of things that have went on this past week.
Well my friend Emily and her Prince Jon finally tied the knot in a beautiful lavish church wedding in Nashville!

We arrived Friday evening at our hotel. Tyler was able to enjoy some time on his PS2 while Ella tore through some of my magazines and rummaged through the hotel room! We got dressed and headed to the rehearsal at the church. But first outside the hotel we all practiced our walk as this was Tyler's first time as an usher and candlelighter! It was quite entertaining for us to do!hehe After a couple of takes at the church we all headed to the Rehearsal dinner at a local hotel restaurant. There we dined on a carving station and great food and watched a video of the couple!
That same night after getting Ella back to the hotel and bed I slipped out to enjoy the rest of the night with Emily and several other friends at her condo. There she gave me a newspaper with a full page story of Maddie when she was just 4!
The next morning was Brunch with Beth (Emily's mom) at 11. Ella and I attended the brunch while the boys headed to a book store in the mall! Ella loves to point to people in photos right now so as many photos were laid out she was there for the pointing! Even a sweet photo of Emily, Ella and Maddie sitting in front of our tree at Christmas this past year! Maddie was holding up her snowman ornament with her name written in red! She loved things with her name!
As the rains came down it was time to get ready for the wedding! Tyler looked so handsome in his tux! He has really grown up this past year! Neal and I got fancied up as well! He even wore a pink tie in honor of Maddie! And Miss Ella was adorable in her black and pink dress with monogrammed initials that she wore at Maddie's service.
At the church, I was excited to see Emily far in the distance for the first time in her gown, it was as if watching Cinderella! Maddie would have been so very proud! I could just see Maddie now walking swiftly & intently (not running)down the aisle to give Emily a hug but being very careful as not to mess up her lipgloss!

Tyler did well as an usher, candlelighter and even rolling out the carpet! Ella was held by my mom during the ceremony and I never heard her so I assume she was no trouble! Neal and I had one job and that was to light the center uppermost candle in honor of Emily and Jon's Princess Flowergirl. First of all, I am humbled that I have such a great friend to include Maddie as still a flower girl no matter what! And second, that she made her the center of her ceremonial lighting. The hard part for me was listening to the lyrics to Wind Beneath My Wings played during the bridesmaids walk. Just knowing how much of a HERO Maddie was to me!
The wedding ceremony was beautiful as was the reception that followed at the Hilton hotel. Ella tired out about 9pm while Tyler went swimming at the indoor pool with a friend and Neal and I with baby monitor attached enjoyed dancing and visiting old and new friends!
I wish Jon and Emily the very best and a great time in Jamaica!
So the fun this week doesn't end there! Saturday we surprised some friends by attending their 4 daughters cheerleading competion held here in Memphis! The Bartlett team got 1st place in both divisions!! So now they are heading to Franklin for the National Cheerleading competion to be held on May 30th! This to reminded me of Maddie as I couldn't help but shed tears being reminded that my dreams of her cheering and dancing were cut short.
Then later that evening Neal, Ella and I attended another wedding of St Jude nurse, Ginny Hill!

OH and also this week Tyler got braces on Thursday! He was not at all excited about this and had a rough couple of days at his dads trying to manage the pain and discomfort. OH how I remember those days! As of tonight he seems to be dealing with this much better and only complains of a mouth sore.

So as you can see the past week has just been full of beautiful things all reminders of our sweet girl that we miss terribly. It seems that tonight as Neal left to get Tyler, Ella now asleep and the house quite, I am left to reflect over the past week and the many emotions have now come to surface. I sat tonight also reading the guestbook and in awe of your thoughtful words and just remembering us in your thoughts and prayers. One entry even ask for an update!HEHE So I figure hey, there is someone really loving us and wanting to hear whats going on! Thanks so much for always checking in and seeing what life is like for us without our princess here on earth. If you are hurting and missing Maddie just know that we know how you feel as we are too!
It makes me smile knowing that God brought such a beautiful light into this world if only for an instant! It has shown me what true unconditional love is all about and not taking life for granted! We love you all! May her light always shine!

In His grip,
Brandi, Neal, Tyler, ^^Madelyn^^ & Ella

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 10:04 PM CDT

Hello there!
WOW it seems we have been so very busy this past week, we were elated to host our first lifegroup families here at our new home! We grilled chicken, hamburgers and hotdogs and I made my first cheeseburger cake! Much work but much fun to do knowing there was no pressure from the friends we had eating it!

Anyway, this weekend we are heading to Nashville for a close firiends' wedding! My friend Emily Lovell is marrying her prince (as Maddie called him!)
Tyler is going to roll out the carpet for her in the wedding and Neal and I will be walking and lighting a candle in memory of our precious Maddie. Madelyn was looking forward to being a flower girl and she was so excited last summer when she, Emily and I went to the Bridal shoppe to try on different dresses. She would put that dress on, I would zip her up and she would prance out on her tippy toes and stand on the step stool in front of the mirror just looking at her beautiful gown. Then she would get down and twirl around as if dancing at the ball! She said she wanted high heels for the wedding too! She was such the girly girl huh! Oh how I am so very excited for Emily and finally finding her true love! I am looking forward to spending the weekend celebrating such a beautiful union of two people I care so much for!
My heart is broken that Madelyn did not get the chance to fulfill this dream of hers but I know that she will be there in spirit and I only hope that she is smiling down on us as we walk in her honor!
Please pray for peace to be with Neal, Tyler and I as well as friends and family who will be reminded of the loss of such an amazing and special princess she is to us all! I hope that her presence is in each and every one and that her little light shines in your hearts forever!

Maddie you are forever missed and loved!

hugs,
Brandi

PS Please also pray for all the children and Maddie's friends at St Jude who are still fighting for their lives! We still keep in touch with and see several of these families and it only blesses me to see them grow and play and just being kids!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008 12:12 AM CDT

Hello friends,
I hope this morning finds you at peace and doing well! This is something that I am beginning to learn much about (peace) as I travel through this journey of Life without my precious, beautiful and fun loving daughter by my side. You see I wrote a journal entry last week and as I went back to re-read this entry I see that it is not there, as I refreshed the page a couple of times, still nothing. I journaled but did I post it correctly? Probably not! Anyway, this entry was a very sad and a lonely time for me last week as I tried to give you a glimpse of this struggle of pain that I was in at the moment. So I was going to reference some of that pain in this entry and give you another side to this struggle for me. However, the entry is not there and I can’t go back so now you’ll just get where I am today!
You all know that we love God and we BELIEVE with all our hearts that God is Good! Now I won’t lie and say that I have not questioned myself and my judgment as human nature wants to have done more to keep her here longer but lets move on because I can’t bring her back nor by now would she even want to come back! Right?! And after I wipe the tears from my eyes and get a hold of myself, I KNOW that she felt LOVE and that NO decisions were made for that little girl without going to prayer with God first! So I have to tell myself now that I didn’t make any decision, God did!

So where I’m going with this is that last week after much hurt and pain. I was riding in the car with some friends of ours and the topic came up that Joel Osteen was going to be in Memphis! If you don’t know who this is I will tell you just briefly that he is a minister from Houston, TX that has a gift of encouraging and strengthening your relationship with God and making sense out of life’s problems through the bible. I only noticed him as I was surfing through channels about a year ago and he grabbed my attention, then another time and another. Well anyway, so this past Sunday evening I went with my friend Rachel(he appeared at the Fed Ex Forum here in Memphis which by the way was absolutely packed more than any other venue I've been to there!). When we arrived we were walking through the Forum with tickets in hand trying to locate our upper club level seating and when I say upper I mean nosebleed...when this gentleman came up to us asking if he cold help us find our seats and then offered us floor seat tickets! So we were just 41 rows from the stage!
He spoke with his wife, his mother and his sister, his 9 yr old daughter sang a song and his 12 yr old son read a scripture!
He spoke of how there are seasons of change. Not seasons as we know them but can be long or short times that we are with things or people. How there is a time and a place for all things and people come and people go, friendships come and friendships go. As one door closes, God opens another door! He gave an example of how sometimes God gives you signs and puts in your heart that you should make a change and if you don’t pay attention he may just close that door entirely for you. For instance he has a very close friend of his that he spoke highly of as being of good character and so forth. His friend came to him 15 years ago saying that he just got fired from his job. Down and broken hearted then, he picked himself up to be stronger and is now the vice president of a major corporation! This guy could have just stayed at his position always being mediocre!

He spoke of the loss of his father and how he has never been back to his grave because that is not where he is! Now he did say that that doesn’t mean not to go visit the grave site but just that if you struggle to go or just can’t then know that they are really with God and that’s what matters! Just a pleasant reminder for me being so far from her (I thought)! I really am not that far from her. Life as we know it is but a vapor (found in Ecclesiastes). Time has went by so very fast with Maddie and even Tyler I am sure in the future it will seem that way even more as I grow older. So I was just reminded that Maddie is in the best place and we only hope to get there too so I have been encouraged and inspired even more that I must not live in the past but in the present and what’s important is living a life of legacy as our girl Maddie did! Remembering her beautiful spirit and what God gave to all of us if even for an instant as her light shines on!

Another encouraging book by Solomon (well this is being debated by some scholars) we are studying in class on Sunday mornings is Ecclesiastes about what is the meaning of life. We are only on the second chapter but we’ll be much wiser when we get through it huh! Apparently it’s only 11 chapters and can be read in 30 minutes! I hope to share more on this with you as the weeks go by!

So I guess all of this to say that I am making even more of an effort to put God first in my life and to remember Maddie’s spirit and how she did have a meaningful and purposeful life! She is a hero and pioneer to St Jude and the children who come after her! God closed that door on her life on earth and has opened one in heaven and thus her spirit lives on through us and hopefully has many more doors to open for us! As I strive to think positive (most of which I always have) I must remember to take baby steps in my walk through the pain!
I guess you may wonder how could she say such things, it’s only been two months since Maddie has passed but the truth is I still hurt and I still cry when I look at her smiling photos and I miss her something fierce but I also realize how grateful and blessed I am to have walked this journey with her and God! So I am finding that I am comforted and finding peace again by the power of God's word!
*******************************************************************6

This past week we’ve had so much rain here in Memphis that Tyler was unable to have practice or us do much of anything. We have switched leagues with him, he is now playing for the First Baptist church of Millington on a co-ed team. I wasn’t very impressed with the language the older boys on his other team were using and that the coaches were tolerant of those things as well. Not liking that influence there so we changed! He seems to be handling the loss of Maddie very well. He ask questions at times and we answer honestly and I know he misses her but he does seem to be doing well! He is doing well with his home schooling too and he has a GREAT teacher!!HEHE

Ella is now walking everywhere! She even gets so excited she tries to run but hasn’t mastered that one! Her hair is getting these little wavy curls all over (she has dad’s wavy hair!) She is signing making for a less irritable baby indeed! She knows eat, more, all done, bottle, and please! We do thank you but she just gives a look of confusion when we touch our chins every time she hands us something!HEHE She has had fever a couple of nights this past week from teething so she was very fussy and had a runny nose. It’s funny how teeth can do those things! She now was three bottom teeth and two on the top with two more coming in on top!
Neal is working though his position just went to part time but he is always searching for another door to open! He and Tyler keep busy with fishing and enjoying the company of many friends since we’ve been at our new home!
Well I must go for now as Ella is trying to “help” me type and obviously needs my attention!!

blessings,
Brandi

Sunday, March 23, 2008 0:16 AM CDT

Happy 1st heavenly Easter Maddie!
We love you and miss you so much! Everything reminds us of you and we talk about you everyday-daddy and I. Ella had her very first Easter egg hunt this Saturday at the Jones' from church. She found four eggs then sat on the ground opening her eggs and trying to fit her paci inside!HEHE Her basket is a pink tutu basket, I know you would have loved and appreciated it and even picked it as your own!
I am reminded as I prepare our clothes tonight for Easter service that I'm not getting to iron a sweet little coordinating dress for you. I know you loved Easter as much as any other holiday-we didn't dye easter eggs this year as I just didn't have it in me with you not here. You were so happy dying those eggs last year! It's times like these and things that used to be so important to you that I miss the most. I remember last Easter, you had just relapsed 3 months before and in and out of St Jude doing chemo but you were so happy feeling great and found the "lucky egg" with all that money and candy inside! Tyler was so jealous!
The year before that, it was Easter morning 2006 that we were in Huntingdon getting ready for church and you weren't breathing well so daddy and I rushed back to Memphis with you meeting an ambulance in Jackson on our way for you to be seen before going any furthur. After that, you talked about how cool it was to lay in the back of an ambulance! You always took things so well!
Maddie, the other day daddy and I found the most beautiful thing in the world that reminded us so much of you that it brought tears to my eyes. We were at the mall you loved to go to but we were going to get Ellas pics taken and we happened to walk by this really big painting at the Thomas Kincaid store of Cinderella's Castle with a double rainbow, Tinkerbell and animals....it was just breathtaking and reminded us so much of how much you loved Cinderella and that being your first movie to watch and that Ella was named after her becuase of you! It was just a perfect reminder of our precious Madelyn. You truly are a princess!

I must go for now-I can't even tell you how much my heart is hurting without you right now.

Just know I love you sweet girl!

love,
mommy

Saturday, March 15, 2008 9:46 PM CDT

Hello there from our new home here in Cordova (Memphis)!
Yes we have been very blessed to receive a temporary home here in Cordova for 6-8 months. We are happy to be able to turn the Habitat for Hope apt over so soon to another family enduring catestrphic illness! We hope that many more families are blessed through this amazing organization as we have been! THANK YOU Habitat for Hope volunteers who have helped secure and provide housing and many needs of our family! We love you so much and thanking God for your presence in this ministry!

We are now residing in this very nice big ole house on the lake that we are extremely proud to live in if even for a short while! It is our Dream home, it's just too bad it's for sale and not at a time we can buy. Maddie would have LOVED this house as it has the jack and jill bathroom that she always loved cause she thought they were so neat!
However, it is nice to "spread out" our things and have some space to breathe for a while! We have been able to go through some old memories including finding our wedding photos and some neat things of Maddie's that are just priceless. However, I just fall to pieces when going through her clothes so for now I just have to put it all in plastic containers til another time perhaps. I am not sure why the clothes are so hard. I mean it's been harder than her works of art, ceramic paintings from paint a Piece and her toys. I really think it's because each piece reminds me of a time out shopping and I miss my biggest friend and shopping companion! What am I saying...I just miss her and my heart is just completely shattered right now.

We hope to use this time to secure jobs and then be able to purchase a home of our own again! Please pray for us to secure what is needed for our family as far as jobs and pay goes.

Ella celebrated her very 1st Birthday on March 5th! Those in attendance were her parents, brother, her grandma Sherry, The Horrocks and the Montgomery's! Thank you guys for coming to a last minute weekday chin-dig!
Ella celebrated at her home with a dinner of lasagna & strawberry vinagerette salad. She had a #1 cake with pink & lime green polka dots with guest having creme filled strawberry cupcakes with pink and lime green M&M's as polka dots! We had strawberry/lime punch as well. (It was a new receipe so sorry it wasn't my best!hehe)
I set up a lime green table runner over the bar and set up 5X7 pics of Ella's first year including her 2, 4, 6, & 9 month photos, her very first hospital photo including birth information was also included all in white frames with pink and green stripes, ribbons or polka dots (they were frames used at Maddie's life celebration service). There was also a couple of 4X6 photos in the decorated frames of the three kids together and one of me, Maddie and Ella all dressed as princesses! In the middle was an 11X14 white frame collage photos of Maddie sent to us by FAME (I believe they are the mkting company for the Thanks & Giving campaign for St Jude) It was her thanks & giving photos on white with lime green polka dot paper and the middle reads Madelyn Beamon~In Loving Memory. The house was decorated with pink & lime green balloons on the wall, high chair and freely all over the floor! There was a white basket full of pink and white polka dot goody bags including Hershey bars with Ella's picture, pink 1st birthday mints, a pink and white stripe candy stick and a long stem heart sucker through the top!
To the good stuff! I put her in her pink & brown stripe onesie. We lit the pink #1 with a little butterfly candle and turned down the lights to sing happy Birthday to our dear Ella! She had her very first bite of cake and ice cream on this day! I sat her very own cake on her high chair and she dug in slowly but what a mess she ended up making!! She loved the icing and the icecream but not so much the cake itself (she spit that out)! She had a fun time wanting to feed each and every guest a bite of her cake!
She sat in Maddie's princess throne received from Santa and opened many special gifts from guest and Miss Donna as well! She received clothes and a little elephant, pj's, a V tech computer, Parents drum set, a book, Parents voice recording cell phone, monogrammed paci holders, God loves me vinyl bib, personalized rubber bottle/sippy cup tags by Inchbug, wooden Vols learning blocks, Fun 2B one ball from Tyler, pink shirt with a chocolate/pink polka dot cupcake embroidered with her name, a white chinelle cable blanket, suction plate/bowl, lady bug bath mit and pink and lime green bib,a smocked birthday dress and money! It really is FuN 2 B OnE!!!! We are really enjoying our baby girl!
She is beginning to walk! With her first steps being in IL at my sisters~she is now taking about 9-10 steps before falling!! She just grins every time she takes off so she is very aware that she is accomplishing something new and we are all just loving her newest milestones!!
Well we have church in the AM so I must sign off here for now!

Love Brandi
Neal, Tyler, ^^Maddie^^ & Ella

PS It was really good to see everyone at my friend Emily's bridal Tea this past weekend!! Ella and I had a fun time and she even got more cake and punch! Fun 2B One!!!!

PSS So sorry about the service photos and speakers not being on the site yet; we have them in the computer but not sure how to get them to Maddie's site-please email me if you have any ideas or can help!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008 1:39 PM CST

We made it safely back from our 1 week trip to my sister Alina's in Ramsey, IL, just about an hour from Springfield. We had another great visit with the exception of our little Miss Maddie not being physically there with us. It was much harder than i anticipated seeing the girls there ages 7, 5, and now 3! My neice Katie celebrated her "Golden Birthday", turning 3 on the 3rd! Happy Birthday sweetie! We love ya!
I know Neal or I one cried at some point in the day every single day we were there.The day we returned on Sunday after going to visit at my sister's church, it was March 2nd exactly one month since Maddie's passing-I can now honestly say that the 3-4 week point has been the most difficult for us both so far. It almost felt as if she was just visiting someplace and now I guess the reality is she's not coming back-I have to stop here as I just can't keep thinking right now. We love you guys and I will return to you soon with more updates but for now guess what....

It is our precious daughter Ella's ONE YEAR BiRtHdAy TODAY!!!! I will tell you all about it soon! We love you sweet girl and Maddie' we will be sending balloon's from the party to you soon!!!

Love Brandi
Neal, Tyler, ^^Maddie^^ & Ella

Friday, February 22, 2008 2:02 PM CST

Hi there!

Well we are still here all missing Maddie so much, aren’t we. I heard there were more balloons taken to our sweet Maddie’s resting place! And several balloon releases have been done in her honor! Thank you to all! We just love you guys! I had the opportunity to see our life group kids on video release balloons and to hear their voices saying “we love you Maddie” and “we miss you Maddie“, it’s just chilling, heartfelt and very special to me! Maddie loved going to Life group and couldn’t get ready fast enough! She would gather all her things right after church to take with her and put them by the door and then ask When are we going? Is it time to go yet? Oh how I am hoping we come up with a photo of all our kiddos together!
Neal, Ella and I went to church this Sunday for the first time since November. Tyler had went to Winterfest in Gatlinberg, TN. (By the way, about 7-8 boys I heard got sick while there and yes Tyler was among them but seems to be feeling some better tonight!) It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, being there at church. Thankfully they are doing a marriage lesson in our bible class which not that we are having trouble in our marriage but I can say the diagnosis or loss of a child can possibly pay its toll on one for sure so I hope we are able to stay focused on our marriage that way. I mean our entire lives for the past four years have revolved around taking care of a sick child for the most part and it does get sad and even lonely without her here, making for some anxiety and uneasy feelings at times!
The toughest for us was the song “Amazing Grace” was sang during worship. To be honest, the song was always depressing for me and I always steered away from that song cause I associated it with a funeral or death but just knowing that it was a song that Neal always sang to Maddie and she loved for him to sing to her, I could just feel his pain. That song was sang by everyone at her graveside service along with Jesus Loves Me, Maddie’s favorite!

I just recovered the friends and relatives sign-in book Sun night from Maddie’s Life Celebration Service and Visitations. I read aloud each and every name (656) to Neal as we headed to pick up Tyler Monday morning . We are thankful, we are blessed and Maddie is so LOVED! What a true princess!

For those of you not able to attend I will give you an overview of the few days after Maddie’s passing. We debated when we should do the service after her passing but we had already had so much of the planning done as our life group and others from our church kicked into high gear just after learning that Maddie’s days were numbered the day following her birthday. So though it seemed quick and many couldn’t be there, there was much in the following days that led me to think we made the right decision as we had a terrible tornado that struck on Tuesday evening here in Memphis and in Jackson, TN that left many devastated with that as well.
Monday February 4, 2008 our family was blessed with a meal at noon provided by our life group and friends from church (-thank you Stephanie Lee and Shelley Aricks for heading that up and all who helped) while Neal and I visited in the sanctuary with our precious Maddie. Mr. Bob Chase and his sweet wife Mrs. Addie were the Funeral Home directors from Huntingdon who brought Maddie back to Memphis, I had some shiny lip gloss that Maddie always liked to wear so I ask him to put some on her! She was so beautiful, like a porcelain doll laying there.
Her dress was a Strasburg pure white smocked dress with pink silk ribbon on the bottom hem and long pink silk ribbons hanging from each smocked arm. During some planning, I had ask my friend Faydra back in Dec to gather several dresses so that Neal and I or even Maddie pick out her favorite and so she did pick this one! Hoping that she would get well and just wear it to church!
I ask him to lift the bottom lid for us to see her shoes that I had shown to Maddie weeks before to ask if she loved them-she did! They were light pink glitter shoes, size 11. They paired well with the boutique white eyelet lace socks. Her fingers and toes were painted a cotton candy pink with a light pink sheer coat of glitter for sparkle! She wore a sweet little silver chain necklace with a tiny ballerina that touched the middle of the smocking on her chest. (I’m not sure where we received this necklace but we have several pics of her wearing it!) I had bought her for this day a light pink pearl bracelet from Spoil Me Rotten in Jackson, TN that was on her right wrist. She wore a halo with tiny white flowers and baby’s breath around her head with long pink and white ribbons coming around to the front that laid nicely on the front of her little dress. Standing along side of her was her “Look like Me” American Girl doll she picked out and received on her trip to Chicago. It was dressed in the exact identical dress from Strasburg that our princess Maddie was wearing. A most precious memory to treasure always! Her head measuring 15 inches wore the same identical halo that our princess Maddie wore also made by a lady from our church, Mrs Bettye Litton. Maddie’s head rested on a sweet white linen pillowcase handmade with a beautiful scalloped lace with pink silk ribbon running through by Betsy Hutchins. It was monogrammed with Madelyn’s name. The casket where Maddie now rest eternally was a baby pink with silver embellishments and silver angels on the four corners. The interior was a very light pink as well. The back insert was monogrammed by a friend of the funeral home and supporter of our family , Mrs Kathy Wortham of Huntingdon. It had the St Jude logo and the scripture For this child I have prayed 1 Samuel 1:27.
The all rose spray on Maddie’s casket was made by my cousin Christine at Sinclaire Florist in Potosi, MO they were absolutely gorgeous and perfect shades of deep pink and light pink that complimented the casket. There was a deep pink pillow in the middle with a pair of Cinderella glass slippers and a tiara on top, there were glass flower embellishments attached to the long matching ribbons that hung from the casket spray.
In the Foyer area before going into the sanctuary was a table set up with table tent cards saying “Enjoy Maddie’s favorite desserts”, cheesecake bites, brownie bites, chocolate chip and sugar cookies! YUM!
There was an area set aside for kids to draw or color pics for Maddie and just hang out.
Also in an adjoining area was a huge half circle table with white linen table clothes layered with pink satin and lined with draping feather boas from Maddie’s dress up! The table among others were covered with many white photo frames compliments of friend Tammi, that were decorated beautifully in pinks and lime green! Another table was a white Roselina dress that Maddie wore around 6 months old, a photo of her wearing it was next to the dress along with black frame holding two 8X10 photos taken at Glamour Shots of Maddie as she was now..
There was a friends/relative sign in book on a table decorated with white linen and pink and white polka dot material with a pink feather boa draped around. A crystal Cinderella carriage, photo of Maddie and flowers accented the table.
One table was decorated with a 3 ft pre lit pink feather tree decorated with porcelain teacups, tiaras and topped with a hat with her name on it given to her by St Jude friend Lindsay Harwell! There were mints on the table for anyone to take.
Another table draped with pink fabric and trimmed with a lime green feather boa displayed a 16X20 polka dot canvas picture of a table with a birthday cake and tea party set. Sitting beside it were more photos of Maddie and favorite things such as her purple slippers that say Daddy’s girl!
There was a 6 ft lime green pre-lit tree donated by friend Rachel at Once Upon A Time, it was trimmed with pink feather boas and many teacups, tiaras, septors, and girly ornaments!
Another table dressed in white linen and white wicker baskets lined with pink and white gingham held programs and business card size magnets of our beautiful princess made by friend, Joy Williams.
The speakers we chose, Mark Horrocks, Kelly Montgomery & Mark Taylor did an extraordinary job of portraying Maddie’s life and spirit! I am amazed at how they kept it together with the songs in between each of them speaking. We played “When you wish upon a star” to begin the service, other songs played were James Otto’s song that has not been released yet but Warner Bros allowed us a copy for Maddie, “Where Angels Hang Around”. It is a song written about the kids of St Jude specifically, after he visited the hospital he wrote the song! Rachel Newsome, a friend from church and once an ICU nurse of Maddie’s a time or two sang Celine Dion’s song,” The Prayer”. She and male singer were AMAZING! We also played the 26 minute video with many people who touched Maddie’s and our families life. Also played at the end was “Jesus loves you, Madelyn” a favorite song that was personalized just for her! It was just a beautiful portrait of love and peace in the room. I always wanted to share Maddie’s life with all of you as she was a gift! Her journey was certainly about living life to the fullest even through strife! I know she was one happy little girl!
Neal is in the process of getting the entire Life Celebration Service downloaded for all to view as we want you all to feel a part of saying goodbye to our princess Maddie. We took lots of pics during the service as well and though hard to view at times we hope that it will give some insight to a beautiful little girls journey to heaven and also to our princess in training Ella as she grows to learn of her sister who adored her so and maybe even Tyler may one day have peace and closure as he tries to wrap his head around what just happened in four years gone by too fast!

Tuesday February 5, we headed 2 hours to Huntingdon for Maddie’s Visitation. Many decorations and photos were brought for this from her Life Celebration Service to be displayed. When we arrived there were flowers lining the entire wall were she lay. Oh how she took my breath away as she looked so beautiful. I just wanted to keep her for always, like a favorite doll perhaps. My head just couldn’t wrap around the fact (and still hasn’t) that her physical body is no longer running around playing or coming back from a visit with granmonna, I miss her so bad I can’t take it some days like today I’m having a hard morning and the there are days that , my mind says, I’ll see her soon and I go on. I try to stay occupied with friends playing games and even spending the night with them, I can tell that it really does help to do this soon after a loss and to stay busy with things we like to do but I do have some things I really need to stay home and work on, like getting my thank yous done, updating for all of you, packing Maddie’s belongings and just laying in her bed, basically just trying to absorb what has just happened to us and what to do next.
Anyway, I know many were unable to make it on Tuesday evening to see Maddie due to the severe weather we had. I had missed seeing Maddie for very long that night as I was enjoying visiting with the many people there loving us and telling stories of our girl! The power went out for some time but I was able to visit and look at my precious Maddie’s earthly body under the flood lights with some family still there we got to take another peek at those “glittery princess slippers” she was wearing! We lingered back to our hotel with the kids and some friends and family for pizza and watching the news of the storms.
By Wednesday morning, Feb 6 the morning we laid Maddie to rest I was totally exhausted as was Neal. We checked out of the hotel where we stayed the night before and went early to see our girl one last time. I was impressed and amazed at just how much this girl was loved that day as I watched cars as far as I could see stroll slowly behind us to Sellers Hill Cemetery that cold windy morning at 11:00AM. Bro Joe Abbott who is Neal’s parents minister at Malboro CC, Bruceton, TN said some beautiful words about Maddie’s days visiting their church and comfort and peace of where Maddie is today. We sang Amazing Grace and Jesus Loves Me, then we had a balloon release for our precious girl and our St Jude friends, compliments of Red Oak Florist! They were pink and white and attached were cards that read Madelyn Paige Beamon and her dates on one side and the other with Please donate to St Jude on the back. After the service, we along with many friends & family members headed to Snappy Tomato Pizza in Jackson to again feel Maddie’s presence! Thank you everyone who had a hand in preparing for Maddie’s life Celebration fit for a Princess!
And now a chapter has closed with our precious Maddie but a new chapter about us and new beginnings will unfold but only with Maddie leading and shining our way through…she will never be forgotten and I will do all I can to let her spirit shine bright! I can just hear her sing another of her favorite songs, “This Little Light of Mine” as many people are changed spiritually because of her and thus her little light shines on! Tell others of Maddie and how she touched your life so that her little light is always shining bright for all to see! We love you all!

Neal and I were able to enjoy a nice Valentine’s dinner at our church this past Thursday evening going with the Montgomery’s and I must say we had such a fun time! When we arrived we were each given a sheet of paper that had questions for me to answer about my husband and his sheet was the same set of questions just worded to reflect my question. Example, my sheet would say what is your mothers middle name and his would say what is your mother-in-laws maiden name? (Sorry mom, he had no idea!! HEY, but he does NOW!HEHE) Well after 8 years of marriage we only got 2 out of I think 12 questions correct! Do you remember “The Newlywed show”? I LOVED that show! Well the top 3 couples (we were the bottom) got to play the game which was HILARIOUS and much fun to watch-then out of nowhere when the game was over, Kathy gets up and says now all bottom three couples get to play (YEAH! That’s us!!) It was so exciting and so much fun and guess what? We actually WON!!! It was just nice to just be able to get dresses up and go out for the evening with friends!
Then tonight my friend Emily is coming in from Nashville to keep the kids while we go to dinner at Texas De Brazile and then see Cirque Du Soleil, a gift she gave us for Christmas! So we are being able to enjoy some time together as a couple!

We are all trying to recover from this chest congestion and cough except that Ella so far is well! Ella and Tyler will be gone this weekend and then we are heading to my sisters in Illinois on Monday for the entire week! We are looking forward to our trip and I am on a mission to find a beautiful cedar chest for Maddie’s memories!
When we get back I will be looking into getting Maddie’s stone designed and made. I have some thoughts in mind of something that would reflect her life and be a symbol of beauty, love and uniqueness that reminds us so much of our Princess Maddie!
Well I’ve said enough for now so I’ll check back in when Neal has the video ready. But other than that it will be at least after Ella’s birthday that I get to update again. Yes, we are also preparing for Miss Ella’s 1st Birthday coming up on March 5!! She has reached yet another milestone-having just enough hair on top to put a little bow in!

Love, Brandi
Neal, Tyler, ^^Madelyn^^ & Ella


PS I just realized that I am updating on 2/22 at 2:02 PM~We have just been seeing a coincidence I guess you could say with the number two lately!

Thursday, February 14, 2008 11:38 PM CST

Ella gets a new Big Girl seat for Valentines! Tyler got a video playing seat-(not shown)Maddie gets balloons!




I am adding some pics today so stay tuned!



Hello to all,
Happy Valentine’s Day Maddie!
This was one of Maddie’s most favorite holiday! When inpatient, the nurses would put a box outside Maddie’s door and all the nurses would fill it with little V-day cards and messages! I know one day we’ll come across them again! She would get the biggest balloons from St Jude and many special gifts, cards, candy and CHOCOLATE…no wonder she loved it so much!! Yesterday, (WED) Neal, Tyler, Ella and myself traveled to Huntingdon {it’s a 2 hour drive from Memphis}. We got pink and white balloons at the local florist, let five go for our princess and left five there attached to her flowers! It was SO cold but Miss Ella wanted out so badly and I’m so glad we got her out as she watched those balloons as long as we did! I hope that we can create precious memories for Tyler and Ella to remember their sister. Tyler made the comment of how he’d like to bring his bike out there in the summer…not that I think that’s really appropriate but it did make me feel good knowing that he felt comfortable there at a place that at one time felt so eerie and uncomfortable.
I have such a new respect for death now from this whole experience. At Maddie’s Life Celebration Service on Monday Feb 4th, I was just amazed at the parents who brought their children to see Maddie. I had a hard time with this myself when other children had past so I know the struggles that especially St Jude mommas and daddy’s have with this. I read a book that St Jude had given us about dealing with death with young children and siblings and it really opened my thoughts on walking your children through the shadow of death and letting them walk along side their parents in times of grief, as it is an opportunity to help children put that much more trust in Jesus and show them how at peace Maddie is now. [as sometimes not knowing can cause their little minds to wander] This book talked about how children (about 5 and up) need closure and can even feel resentment if they don’t get to see their friend and tell them goodbye. I thank you all for sharing your faith with your kids and with us and allowing your children the opportunity to say bye to our Maddie, their friend. It was an honor to me to see each and every one of you and also an honor for those who have called, emailed, or signed the guestbook and also an honor for those of you who have sent donations either to Maddie‘s Memorial Fund at Regions Bank, Habitat for Hope &/or St Jude in honor of Madelyn! I know you are with us in spirit!

I have had a couple of emails and phone calls asking about raising money or donating in Maddie’s honor….I know St Jude has many ways in which to donate in honor of Madelyn i.e. wagons, plaques on wall, etc. Habitat for Hope does things as well. You should contact St Jude at 1-800 2-STJUDE or Habitat for Hope at 866-443-4673 for a form to fill out should you want to do something in honor of Miss Madelyn! Also we would be honored to visit or be a part of any event that wishes to raise money for these organizations in honor of our sweet girl! We just can’t thank you enough for loving her! I hope that each of you feel like she’s your own as we have tried hard to include you in Maddie’s life! We just cannot wrap our heads around her being gone-we just sat together Neal and I tonight crying…a lady that Maddie and I met at a consignment sale in MS last spring selling Bijou purses called tonight and wants to do a fundraiser for St Jude in honor of Maddie….she had given Maddie a hot pink shiny purse that day. Neal and I remembered how much she loved that purse and I know exactly were it is and I can just imagine all the little girly things it’s packed with! So my point is we are just at awe at how many and how much our precious 6 year old has affected so many people in this world! I have to catch my breath when thinking about how much she means to me. It’s just amazing how meaningful a little life is and how LOVE is so powerful! We love you Maddie!

Well I am signing off for this night but I am still going to update again hopefully tomorrow as I have a few more things to do tonight. Tyler is heading to Gatlinburg, TN to “WinterFest” in the morning. He is nervous/excited so he’s getting to bed late! I think it will be a nice break for him spending time in praise and worship with friends! There is expected to be about 12,000 kids there!

Missing Maddie terribly,
Brandi
Neal, Tyler, ^Madelyn^, & Ella

Tuesday, February 12, 2008 12:36 AM CST

The world mourns the loss of Madelyn Paige Beamon...

OH how I miss that girl and her voice the most. Thank you first of all for all your cards, letters, emails and guestbook entries. I will be uploading and printing them from time to time for a book for our children!

WOW! It has been now past one week since our precious little Madelyn has gone to be with Jesus. Can you just imagine what laughter and fun is going on up there as so many of her St Jude friends have went before her are now getting to experience Maddie's loving and joyful personality again. She was a hugger and cheek kisser! So hugs all around for everyone! fru fru and dressup, sunrises and tea parties, jewelry and make-up, teddy bears and dolls, singing Jesus loves me... many things that our princess loved to do here on earth. Oh how we miss her so very much. Oh how another princess is sitting at the feet of Jesus. It is with great pride that I tell you how very thankful I am to have been her mommy and she my daughter! She has taught me many lessons on love and courage and how to stay strong and brave when the going gets tough! My challenges are now beginning more than ever. I will live every moment as if my precious Maddie was watching! I will strive hard to keep her spirit alive so that others can continue to learn of what a difference this little 6 year old has made here on earth. As a St Jude pioneer, we have been told that she has brought much more understanding to the medical community.

I told you that I would update on Maddie's last morning with us....Friday evening Maddie went into a pain crisis just after 8pm all of which is on a previous journal 2/1. The second hospice nurse left at 12:30AM, as Maddie settled down with the increase in pain meds at 4.5ml and a 3ml boost every 10 min. At 12:45AM Neal settled in the DR floor on a twin mattress just outside our bedroom and I in the bed beside Maddie. I positioned my hand on the bed and her hand in mine just so I wouldn't be able to let go of her in the night I had been doing this for several nights before. It was just 2 and a half hours later that Maddie first squeezed my hand [as if to wake me], I quickly noticed right away that she was in pain or that she was in desparate need. I pushed her pain pump-she had a blank stare with her eyes wide open looking away toward the ceiling from me. I called for Neal right away and said this is it, [not really knowing but knew the sound of her breathing was certainly loud and not something I had ever heard before. I just kept reassuring her that mommy and daddy were here and I was pushing her pain pump. I kept pushing it not knowing exactly when 10 min was up but I looked at the clock when the medicine finally took and it was 3:10AM so I told Neal to watch the clock too because at 3:20AM we could push it again. Between 3:10 and 3:19 her breathing got quieter and the pain lessening as I told her to just go back to sleep Maddie and mommy will keep pushing your pump for you, you will not be in pain so just go to sleep...I love you. Daddy told her he loved her as he kissed her head and sat in the recliner beside her with his hand on her leg. It was very peaceful for Maddie during the last several minutes. I was very glad to be here at home with her and I am very grateful that she allowed me my time with her for the past several weeks and to sleep in the bed next to her and to hold her hand. She was such a fighter and a hero to all of us. She wanted so badly to live as she loved life-that's hardest for me knowing that it was all taken away. It was very apparent as she woke me up with the squeeze of her hand-was it to tell me goodbye? I pray that she did not feel pain in the last few minutes, she seemed to not be. I know the last time she spoke on Friday evening I ask her if she was hurting and she said, “my tummy”.
The day she passed Neal and I had to do the unthinkable which was travel to Huntingdon in search of a place to lay Maddie at rest. We met the Horrocks' in Jackson for lunch at Maddie's favorite restuarant, Snappy Tomato Pizza! It was bittersweet, I mean yes, the memory of her not there hurt but it also felt as if she was there and going with friends made it easier with someone to talk to and share her spirit with!
So we traveled to H'don going to all the cemetery's there and finally the last one we looked at was it. It was an extremely emotional and heartfelt day for Neal and I as we remained quiet throughout the ride through the cemeteries but felt more relief {if that's the right word} when we arrived and got out and looked at this place of rest. It was the view that will forever remain in my memory. As we went up the hill that was covered in large grey round rocks/stones, we took a left around the back side of the cemetery and there about 5pm, dusk, there was the most beautiful sunset with pink and orange and gold skies. It filled my heart with peace as I looked down from the hill overlooking many other headstones and knowing that she would have loved the beauty in that perfect sunset. I invision many picnics out there with Maddie, and staying til the sunsets will be a treat for Neal and I.

Maddie's life celebration service was filled with many happy memories of our smiling princess! She was honored by many people who loved her so very dearly! It was apparent that she had many, many people who loved her! I want to post pics of her service soon and I will update more on that to come this week!

As for now Neal and I are trying to decide what we can handle as far as working, living, and managing the daily tasks of life without caring for Maddie. We stayed the first night Sat at the Montgomery's and then Sun and Mon night here at home but it was very difficult. For me I am ok with the memory of her here and it will be bittersweet to have to leave but for Neal it is a struggle to be here. So everyone is different and neither are right or wrong! I have found myself holding onto Neal as I miss Maddie's touch. I am more protective of Tyler and his needs more than ever and I am so VERY thankful and blessed to have Ella here for all of us! She keeps us smiling and our minds occupied for the most part! I KNOW she has helped Tyler and Maddie and Neal & I have a special kind of joy in our hearts this past 11 months! I will say that Maddies spirit seems to shine through Ella as I look at a baby that looks so much like her and though she will and can never take the place of our Maddie, it has made it alittle easier for me to cope with our loss. Maybe I just enjoy stress! I mean it seems that I must love having the need to take care of my babies!

Neal and I and Ella took a weekend trip to Nashville staying with my friend Emily. On the way there we stopped at the North 40 truck stop on I-40 Exit 126 and right behind the counter was an 8X10 photo on a plaque of Madelyn with her pink hope shirt on with her hands raised in the air yelling! My first reaction with my hands on my face was to scream oH my Gosh! That's my daughter but then started crying realizing for the first time maybe that she really is not here to see it. I went out to tell Neal and then back in to get my things. I thought that was so sweet and the lady Jewel that was in there said she always wanted to know about that little girl who has been on the wall since 2005!

Something I find hard at the moment is when people see Ella they immediately ask, is she you're only one? or how many kids do you have? Of course we have three but I struggle with not laying my burdens on others but I also want everyone to know about Maddie so thus my struggle has begun.

It seems at the service, the question of the day was Where are you going to live? [H'don, Memphis...] So the deal is this, many of you know that we are now residing in an apt downtown by the hospital, donated to us by Habitat For Hope for the past 12 months now since Maddie relapsed in Jan 2007. {By the way, it is a nonprofit organization that we are very proud to say has helped our family by providing housing, emotional and spirital support to our children and to Neal and I. We have been very blessed to know them not only as a NP but as friends first! We will ALWAYS be supporting St Jude in many ways keeping Maddie's legacy and spirit alive and supporting the research of St Jude but as for the immediate needs of our family we ask that if you feel led to give in HONOR of our precious Maddie to please give a donation to Habitat for Hope!}
Though they have given us no time frame for leaving, it is crucial for them to have this apt available ASAP for another St Jude or Lebonher family who may have a need as we did. Our goal is to stay in Memphis, near our now precious church family and many friends we have here, it is also all that Maddie knew and loved and it comforts me to be at a place she called home! So for now, we hope to remain here getting some financial difficulties with Maddie's SSI squared away and then hopefully able to resume working. I have a BS in Marketing and have kept my PC and Life Insurance license up for the past four years as well, Neal still has his position with Volt Telecom though he is on an FMLA leave until March 10. I will be working on a resume in the upcoming weeks UUGGHHH-did I just say that! There is just so much involved right now with anyone in our situation...trying to figure out where to live, where and how to get back in the work force, childcare, schools and the like....All challenges of a life outside of St Jude I'm told. It seems that things fell into place when we were diagnosed, life as we knew it stopped and the bills kept coming so we adjusted by selling the home, paying off credit cards and such. Now the world keeps on going and we need to step in the life cycle with everyone else….It’s a tough rode.

Well I must sign off for now. We love you guys and thank you all so much for loving Maddie and us all!

Love to all,
Brandi
Neal, Tyler, ^Madelyn^ & Ella

Saturday, February 2, 2008 6:00 AM CST

The Funeral Arrangements for Princess Madelyn Paige Beamon

MONDAY FEBRUARY 4
VISITATION 2:00 PM to 6:00 PM
Sycamore View Church of Christ-Memphis, TN
1910 Sycamore View Rd
Memphis, TN
901-372-1874
-room for children provided
-Maddie’s favorite desserts provided
-continuous video showing

LIFE CELEBRATION SERVICE fit for a Princess
MONDAY FEBRUARY 4
6:00PM
Same location following visitation
-video showing

Hotels in the area include:
Drury Inn 901-373-8200
I-40 & Sycamore View

Ramada Inn 901-388-4881
1585 Sycamore View Rd

****************************************************************

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 5
VISITATION 2:00PM to 8:00PM
Chase Funeral Home-Huntingdon, TN 38344
21190 E. Main St
Huntingdon, Tn 38344
731-986-0601

Hotel includes:
Best Western 731-986-2281
11790 Lexington Street
*****************************************************************

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 6
VISITATION 9:00AM to 10:30AM
Precession to Sellers Hill Cemetery to follow


We hope that Maddie’s life has inspired you to live life through a child’s eyes and love strong! Never take a day for granted! Wrap your arms around the ones you love and let them know often how much you love them and you will NEVER have any regrets!! We thank each and every one for your love for Maddie and hope that her Life Celebration Service will lift your spirits! Remember that Maddie’s life was EXTRA-ordinary here on earth but now she will never feel the pain of this disease and is now in a place truly fit for a PRINCESS!!!


Love to all,
Princess Maddie’s Mommy and Daddy


In lieu of flowers you may send donations to:

Habitat for Hope
2041 Locke-Cuba Rd
Millington, Tn 38053
1-866-443-HOPE






SATURDAY FEB 2, 2008 (2-2 girl!)
It is with deep sadness and a broken heart that we tell you our precious Madelyn is now sitting at the feet of Jesus. She passed holding both mommy and daddys hand at 3:19AM.

What a glorious day it is for our beautiful princess as she tiptoes through the gates of heaven.
She earned another "tutu" by entering on this date the second day of the second month! Dance Madelyn, dance! Run and play and never look back my precious girl! We love you and already miss you terribly.

We are still home with Maddie just Neal and I and the Hospice nurse, Cathy (My mother picked up Tyler last night at 7) She has had a bed side bath, lotioned up, her nails and toes painted pink and sparkly (just the way she would want them!), and her little hand prints done.

I will journal soon of her last night and early morning but for now I just can't. I will update soon the details of vistation and Life Celebration Service fit for a PRINCESS! We love you guys so very much!

Love Brandi
Neal, Tyler, ^Madelyn^ & Ella

Friday, February 1, 2008 10:05 PM CST

UPDATE SAT, FEB 2 12:30AM
The Hospice nurse just left and we have increased Maddie's pain meds for the second time today to 4.5mg/hr and a 3mg boost every ten minutes. Nurse Cathy (she was also Stanton Haynes nurse so we got to talk some about that precious one, and then Zoie and Emma Grace too!)Anyhow, she stayed quiet a while watching Maddie's breathing and trying to figure out a comfortable level for her and now she is resting well back in the bed!
Goodnight



FRIDAY, FEB 1 10:05PM
Today has been Maddie's toughest day yet. We were up with her around the clock since 9am yesterday morning trying to potty. She is very constipated. Dad went out at 3:15AM for a Walgreens trip for Glycerin supositories. She tolerated it fine but within 10 minutes we were back on the potty for 1 and a half hours with nothing. Back to bed at 5 then up again at 7 and this has went on all day as well thus having to ensure that her pain pump be pushed often. She has no strength to push at all and her little arms are so weak that we are now having to lift and place them. As of this morning she was talking very little but mostly just repeating things over and over and us having to catch a certain word just to know what she wanted.

Tonight I am scared and I am hurting as she is no longer responding to touch, voices or her needs. She can't even tell us if she needs to throw up, as twice today she just did it without warning which is so unlike Maddie-she would never want anything on her skin or clothes esp that. I think it is less than before so the IV nausea meds may have helped but we also are still giving the oral meds as well. That may have to stop oral meds soon as we tried giving Halaparodol for anxiety and only got half the Benedryl down.

She is now on a bi-nasal canula with oxygen as she has started grunting with every breath. OH please pray tonight specifically for this as we have seen this 4 times before in ICU with Maddie as it is first stages before ventilation. Obviously we will not be doing this, this time but it is the most painful before death experience to watch your child suffer with trying to breathe. Oh how my heart has ached so badly today as she takes a turn for the worse.
The Hospice nurse came out tonight to increase Maddie's Dilauted from 2 to 3mg per hour and 2mg boost every 10 minutes. However, Maddie's grunting started after she left and we have been boosting her with no let up of the grunting. I've been talking twice so far to the on call dr at St Jude just making sure that we are giving Maddie every comfort measure that St Jude would give if we were inpatient. Our wish is to be and stay at home with Maddie as that is what she wanted too but we are not opposed to going over should there be something there to comfort her that we could not give here but the answer was absolutely not. They will give Haloparodol IV (in her line)for anxiety that she is checking on for home use but she is not having anxiety issues at the present.

Our hearts are broken and we are asking God's grace to pour down on us tonight as we watch our once vibrant little sweetheart lay lifeless and unable to laugh and play. Please continue to keep Maddie's comfort in your every prayer. We love you guys!

Trusting in Him,
Brandi

Thursday, January 31, 2008 10:31 PM CST

Can you believe just about 1 and a half hours and we will have made it through the entire month of January and into February with our precious princess Maddie, one of her favorite months of the year!
Let's see yesterday was not a good day for Maddie either. She had another day like in Dec, when she would wake and have little control and make no sense when talking. Her mind was slow as if having to really think when spoken to or when asking for her water or a tissue. She has been thirsty for ice water for about 3 days now. Last night she would ask for her water and yell saying, I need you to drink it to me! and I would say What, you want me to drink it? and she'd say, NO! I neen you to drink it to me. I'd just try putting it to her mouth and she'd push it away saying the same words, I need you to drink it to me. This went on back and forth with her and I frustrated that we wasn't connecting with what she wanted from me but finally she like "came to" and took a drink with ease. Also, she would kinda wake up and start screaming for me with her little arms in the air as if she just needs me there holding her or know that I'm there and this went on several times as well. I would just assure her that I was not leaving her side and that she was not falling just in case the meds make her feel that way, I'm not sure. (I figure, and again I am no doctor here but I figure that with the low blood is the loss of oxygen to the brain thus the mental anxiety.) We have a medicine that is much like Adavan for this and it works really well for her. I held her all morning before making her a makeshift comfy bed on the recliner using the eggshell from her side of the bed, her fav little round pink pillow for her arm and fav pink stripe beach towel for the other arm, pillow under her legs and her softest Disney Princess blanket! She loved it! That is where she wanted to stay all afternoon til bedtime where she slept the entire day. She has not eaten in at least three days. And what she has she has thrown up since last Friday, a week now. However, yesterday I did get some IV Ondansitron (nausea med)ordered and Neal went over and picked it up (I'm so glad that we are just accross the street!) Apparently, hospice doesn't do anything IV except fluids. That seems to have helped a great deal! She did throw up one more time at bedtime and then once today but that is a great decrease than before so we are giving oral doses of other nausea meds in between too. She has not ask for the Vaseline for her lips and nose any yesterday or today but she has kept them looking good on her own! She is very weak.
Today, we were up at 9AM, earlier than usual for me but that ok cause I got a full nights sleep! Ella woke up with a full nights sleep too! YEAH! With her having a cold this past week and a couple of nights of Maddie screaming out for things like the puke bowl or a tissue, Ella has been waking and then up awhile. Last night we tried putting the humidifier next to Ellas bed to drown out the noise (thanks to the Mongomerys for their suggestion!) and then shut the jack and jill bathroom doors that connects our room to Ellas and she slept all night!
Anyway,all that to say I got up with her and then Maddie needed me as she needed to go potty. She needs to go and can't so we have been giving the docusate and senna. We sat in the bathroom for about 4 hours in the AM and about 3-4 tonight. And back and forth several times today. She isn't hurting but mainly just sitting and sleeping as I hold her and then as I got uncomfortable we took a stool and put two pillows on top for her to rest her head and arms on. Then put her princess blankie around her bare shoulders as she loves wearing her little cami's with her pj bottoms! For Christmas and Valentine's she received two pair of soft jammies one with a kitty and purple leapord print pants and the other white with a pony and tan 'cow print' pattern pants that she loves wearing all the time for the past several weeks.
I forgot to mention that several days ago she let me put her in the tub for a bath! I put a thick beach towel in Ellas bath seat filled with water, rubbed it down with baby bath then we laid her inside the tub with another towel propping her little head! I had to be quick as she soon wanted out but she was surely needing it!
The past few weeks with Maddie has been very meaningful Neal and I. I have been able to ask her many questions and talk with her about all the things we like to do together and what she liked to do most with dad and with mom and tyler. I was asking this morning while we just say and she would not say anything for several minutes so I let her sleep and then all of a sudden she would blurt out, YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE MOST ABOUT YOU MOM....then she'd start naming things we'd do together that she liked!!

On a sad note, I noticed that her little feet are swollen and cool to touch. Neal and I decided it's best to stop her fluids tonight.

Ella has went this afternoon to stay with Grandmonna and Pa. It was just too much for us with Maddie's needs. Tyler is here with us. Maddie is and has been allowing Neal and I both to hold her but mostly wants me now and I am getting to sleep next to my sweet princess every night for two weeks now! God surely is tending to our needs at this time. Well Maddie is back to the potty with dad so I must sign off and help!

Please remember to pray for all the children at St Jude, and pray that Maddie can go potty so that this is not an issue tomorrow.

Love to all
Brandi
Neal, Tyler, Maddie and Ella

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 10:02 PM CST

The past 24 hours has not been good to Maddie. She is nauseated and throwing up all that she takes in. She is very thirsty and wanting ice water when awake. She ate a couple of bites of yogurt tonight. Her skin is cool and very thin. She has been sleeping for mostly the entire day and has not been to the living room today. I have called hospice in hopes for some IV nausea meds tomorrow. We are using three different ones around the clock for the past few days. I will have hospice here tomorrow to see if pain meds need to be increased as well since she has experienced pain in her left leg and her foot is numb from poor circulation. As bad as it hurts me to do so it may be to where I need to stop her fluids very soon as she is coughing some too. I am thankful (well considering the circustances) for our ICU training as it has showed us much about how to pallitivley care for Maddie's comfort needs like proping measures and such! I look forward to receiving my nursing degree from St Jude soon!HEHE Or maybe I'll just keep receiving God's grace which would be even better!! Please keep praying for Maddie to have NO pain and better days ahead. I am thanking God again tonight for the above photos and never taking my days with her for granted. Neal and I are taking turns and together staying in the room with her at ALL times now. We love this girl so very much-it's breaking our hearts to let her go. She received some pink, white and silver huge balloons today from our apt mgrs! She loves Valentines day-it's one of her favorites so I told her they were for that!
Maddie is back to sleep and comfortable.
Thank you all so very much for your constant love and concern for us, thank you to Habitat for Hope and our church family at Sycamore View for all the meals you've been providing us-a blessing indeed!

Love Brandi
Neal, Tyler, Maddie & Ella

Monday, January 28, 2008 10:42 PM CST

Hello there!
Well I just had to get on here tonight when I had alittle free time and not too tired to journal! Well, tomorrow is Jan 29th, which marks a significant milestone for our family. It was four years ago this day that our precious two year old was diagnosed with a mass in her lower abdomen believed to be Neuroblastoma. Looking back...it was Christmas Eve, 2003 I was at my first Christmas party at the insurance agency where I had bagan working in the new town we moved to just 5 months before. I had to work a full day (yes on Christmas Eve!) Daddy and Maddie had come to show little Maddie off I guess you would say before driving themselves to Grandmonna and Pa's for the holidays. I was coming later. That was the first day Maddie complained of leg pain. While driving there she said, Daddy my leg hurts. When arriving in Huntingdon she was given some Motrin but then she complained again in the evening. Not much that I remember was said about pain from her again.
Then on Jan 2, 2004 Maddie always a good sleeper in her own crib, woke with terrifying screams. I tried consoling her after giving some Tylenol. I noticed the next late evening that she seemed to favor one leg and slightly limp. I called Neal at work wanting him to get our employees out of the restaurant early and come home before Maddie fell asleep to watch her walk. He did. The next morning was Sunday, I didn't notice the limping or any more cries. Monday morning I took Maddie to her sitter and explained the weekend and went on to work. I got a call about 2 hours into the day stating that Maddie could not bend over to pick up her paci or a toy and that I may need to take her to her Dr. I picked her up, Neal met me and we headed 45 minutes to Jackson,TN where the dr did an xray of Maddie's leg but results were negative. These days are so clear in my head.
The next day, same thing, I called about an hour into my shift and the sitter said she wanted to see if her peditritian could see Maddie so I picked her up, called Neal and up town we went for blood work and an X ray of her hips. Blood work showed HIGH levels of inflammation but nothing else. She was put on a steroid and told to come back in one week. She got worse and started with the pain again during that week. She was set up with a Rhumatologist (suspecting juvenile rhumatoid arthritis) at a Memphis hospital for the following Wed. but they called to cancel for overbooking. I called my new peditritian at home that night and said something has to be done this child is in pain and something is wrong. I said I was willing to go anywhere to see someone. She told us to go to Vanderbilt in Nashville the next morning Thursday at 8AM to the E.R. and she would make the neccessary phone calls as to why we were there. So when Neal came home Wed night, I was packed, and we headed to Neal's sisters house in Nashville that night. A bone scan, blood work were done that day and a bone marrow test was done the following Monday(which we were able to be in the room for-don't recommend) to check for Leukemia since her lab work seemed to indicate that. The results showed NO Leukemia and I remember vividly being all overjoyed in the room and the Oncologist shook our hand and hugged us saying that we wouldn't be seeing him again. Oh, how thankful we were at that time. During this time she was on the steroid and alternating pain meds as they were now back to the JRA. She was getting very weak and lethargic. She could hardly stay awake and just sat on the couch as the boys (her cousins) played. Two days later on Wed, Jan 28th an MRI was done and we sat there and waited for 5 hours to get in then a couple for the proceedure. That was the first time I really KNEW that something must be wrong. The next mid morning the phone rang at Neal's sister house and she handed me the phone and told Neal to get on the other. That's when it was that same Oncologist saying, I'm sorry.............We had no idea what in the heck at just been handed to us as we had never ever heard of such a funny sounding name for something. We were numb and ultimatly terrified but needed answers and hoped for a easy removal. I packed our bags, Neal went to the hospital for her films on disks, picked us up and we headed for St Jude. We arrived at 5pm just as the day was ending for most, we were greeted with a whole team prepared to take on the challeges this pudgy little two year old,with dark brown shiny locks to her shoulders, was now facing. Oh- the first day-WOW how the time has flew by so very fast. Since that day, Maddie has been in the best hands I could possibly imagine for her treatment and ongoing care trying to keep this beast away. She has been through so very much in four years but yet I mostly remember having only the best times with her, laughing and singing and dances in the cafeteria and Mardi Gras wagon rides collecting beads from the staff, and making crafts for people and for no reason at all and celebrity sightings, Tony the tiger, Santas, clowns, therapy dogs, painting, wagon rides late at night exploring the hospital, silly string wars, face painting, dancing with the bands outside, Target wish parties, RMH princess for a day parties, Libby Lu parties, snow in Memphis, riding her Barbie jeep all over the Target house lawn, halloween dress up parties, being inpatient and taking her pole outside to send off balloons in memory of a special friend, drawing ont he windows in the hall, playing with friends on the Grizzley House playground, her huge third birthday party with a castle cake, her fourth birthday at Hutchinson School, her fifth having her first sleepover, coloring, drawing pictures of her family and rainbows, having tea parties, a carriage ride, winning the talent show for her "I can hold three paci's in my mouth at one time" trick at age two, making the interns laugh and want to play all day cause Maddie had that kind of personality and energy even while on treatment! It's not a day that I am thankful for really (or am I) I mean all I can say is that I am just thankful for the days the Lord has made for me to have and enjoy my sweet girl and I am thankful for all the memories and I just couldn't let the day go by without saying that we are blessed to have tomorrow (now today) with her as well!
I want to remember that though St Jude is about HOPE and getting people cured it is also about the quality of life that they strive to achieve for their patients and with Maddie they did do that!
As for Maddie now she is really hanging in there! Yes, we made it to Build-A-Bear, totally her own idea! Out of the blue she ask to get her bear/bunny done! Her name is Flopsy. She dosen't sleep with her or even play with her cause she is just too tired but she does like to show people her bunny so she is proud of Flopsy! It is sort of a Birthday/lullaby/valentine bunny as it has all the buttons and even a heart inside that when you push it it feels like a real heartbeat! (It's new at BAB!)
for the past week and 3-4 days now she has allowed me to sleep with her again, take her to the potty(by the way she is still able to go!), hold her on the couch or chair and do most everything for her!! She is still eating (some at the kitchen table), she still gets her fluids hooked up every night though they are really low at 3.5 cause she had started coughing a couple of days ago and they suggested to lower the fluids when this happens. Lets see, she ask me to paint her nails yesterday so we did that! She played ont he computer for about 15 minutes while eating at the table last night. She is still having to push her pain button on occassion when we pick her up or when she has sat on her bum for too long! Her lips are white so I know that her blood is low. She responds very sweetly and still talks well and about whatever you ask of her! She ask to watch the Game plan on Saturday so we have now added that to our collection! She liked it she said as she sat in daddy's lap as they watched it! She and I watched Beetovan 3 on the couch together tonight! She is still putting the Petroleum Jelly (she likes to call it Jam!HEHE) on her lips and nose though last night at the slightest sight of little blood she yelled out, "I need to go to St Jude for platelets!" Then today she said, "I don't think I need platelets now." I guess it really wasn't as bad as she thought! I know they are not that low just yet! She sleeps for most all of the day and for the past three days has been throwing up. I want to think it is from all that eating she's doing but the truth is she has little nodules on her head and temple so i can only imagine that there is tumor growth but I keep pressing forward with asking God for healing and no pain for our princess and I ask that you PLEASE do the same. If you are reading this I just beg you to put your trust in our Heavenly father and ask that these be granted for Maddie's sake! Her eye lids are sometimes yellow like they are bruised then it goies away like right now and they are perfect so I'm not sure what that could be. Her body is frail and bony but then today she wanted to stand at the potty and pull her pull up and pj's up herself! Go figure! All I can say is this is one AMAZING Girl!!
I hope to post some pics maybe tomorrow of Maddie at BAB! She ask me today if we could get some Valentine balloons and I told her I'd get daddy to pick some up and she said, NO! that she wanted to go and pick some out at Wal Mart but she didn't feel like it tonight so we'll see how tomorrow goes! I can only think that she gets tired of seeing the same walls by now and that's why she wants to get out and go or maybe just that she's ALWAYS been an on the GO Girl!! I just HATE that this disease is slowing her down.
May you all have a good night and a blessed day tomorrow!
Love, brandi
Neal, Tyler, Maddie, & Ella

PS Tyler has been enjoying his friend Nick for the past several days going to the movies, out to eat and a night a the Hope house! Ella has had a cold for several days but getting better. She is still not walking just yet. She waves and says bye, bye and loves to play pat a cake! She tries her best to get to Maddie when she is on the couch so we have to put barriers (walker, chair, table etc) up around Maddie!

Thursday, January 24, 2008 11:13 PM CST

Hello friends,
Brandi asked me to update about Madelyn's last few days. Starting yesterday afternoon, Mark and I were able to go spend some time at the Beamons. While we were there, Madelyn woke up and wanted to sit in the recliner with Mommy. I had the chance to sit in the room with them for a while and talk with Maddie...she was asking for her choco milk and talking with mom a little bit about her nail polish. Brandi and Neal have done a wonderful job caring for her nose and her lips, and her sweet face looks perfect and her lips healthy and full.

After we left yesterday, it was time for Tyler to go to youth group at church. Maddie decided she wanted to go out as well, so brandi and neal packed her into the car with all her neccessary supplies and made the trek out. While they were out, Madelyn began asking to go to the mall to make the special build a bear that she had asked for her birthday. Brandi explained to her that they couldn't go last night, because it was already too late. She also asked to go over to Kelly and Tammy's house, and so they went there for a little while and Maddie watched a show and sat on the couch. Brandi promised her that they would go to build a bear the next day (today) if she still felt like it. Then, late last night, Madelyn decided she wanted dinner. She asked for mashed potatoes, corn, a roll, and yogurt. She ate a good bit of her food. Today, Maddie didn't forget about her trip to the mall, and tonight Brandi and Neal packed her off to the mall in wagon, and she picked out her same bunny that she had chosen for her birthday. She sat on Brandi's lap and helped fluff up the bunny, and she made a voice box for him that says, "I love you mommy and daddy! Happy Valentine's Day!" She even rubbed the little heart (that goes inside the bear) and put it inside him. Brandi also said in the last four days Maddie has not rejected her at all. She has asked for mommy's help, and asked mommy to sit with her and lay down, etc. Mark and I are just so thankful for these times for Brandi and Neal. I could hear in Brandi's voice what a joy it was to have Maddie wanting to do these things. Thank you so much for your prayers for their family...keep praying!

Mylissa Horrocks for the Beamon family

Monday, January 21, 2008 5:49 PM CST

Slow & steady....

We are just taking one day at a time. Lets see, to catch you up from last Thursday. Maddie is having still issues with this nose picking due to feeling like there's something "stuck" in her nose. I am not sure what is causing this feeling but I have heard from a couple of parents who have visited this end stage part of life and have told stories of experiencing these same issues. They are frustrating at times to Maddie, Neal and I have been doing our best at keeping her calm about it and handing her cotton swabs with Vaseline to soothe and protect the insides of her little nose and then another for her lips all hours of the day! It is a full time and exhausting job but the Lord must know that we are willing to do these things and are loving and treasuring our time with her. Friday night we experienced her spitting up a quarter size pool of blood that had settled from the bleeding nose. We called and went to St Jude for platelets. Her platelet count was 15 and her hemoglobin was 4.4. We did not give her blood. Also on Friday afternoon before going to St Jude we had the home health nurse come and up Maddie's pain meds as Thursday night she woke in pain and just more agitated. The breakthrough meds were not helping. This has now helped very well with managing her pain. Ella came home on Thursday from Aunt Amy's. Tyler went to his dad's over the weekend and is now back home! The weekend was pretty quiet. I did go to our lifegroup with Ella Sunday night which was a first time out in over three weeks. I was so overjoyed to see everyone!
Today we headed back over to St Jude for more platelets since it was the last day for our type and hold to expire, we know she could use them! When we returned home, Neal took in her pillows and things from the truck. Ella and I were going accross the river in Arkansas (10 min)to WalMart and Maddie started crying....she wanted to go to WalMart too! OH! OK! Dad goes back in and gets the pillows and off we all went! When we got there dad was gonna go in with the list and she starts to cry again...saying she wanted to go in! OH! OK! So bundled up and in the buggy she went! She and dad got some things and Ella and I went another gathering the things we needed and Maddie even got a Dr Pepper from McDonalds while there! She laid alseep while there but I know she enjoyed her time out of the house today! She is now sleeping on the couch with Hannah Montana going.
Well, like I said all is just slow and steady. We find ourselves constantly checking her breathing and kissing her head! My heart is swelled with the love I have for her (breathtaking even) and knowing that all of you are loving her too! We are so blessed to have friends and prayer warriors keeping up with our precious Madelyn!

Love to all,
Brandi
Neal, Tyler, Madelyn & Ella

Thursday, January 17, 2008 0:06 AM CST

Hanging in there...

Well I think we all have our days and nights mixed up! For the past three or four days now we've been sleeping til noonish and of course you see I am still up! Maddie is resting in the recliner by the bed. She has been up some today talking and watching some TV in dad's arms. She did let me hold her for about 30 minutes while watching Disney's Stuck in the suburbs. She is sort of back to not wanting me much just wanting daddy to do everything. I can be sitting at the table in her sight distance and she will yell for dad~I ask her if I can get something and she says I JUST WANT DAD! When he RUSHES in she says, I need a tissue. UUGGHH now WHY can't mommy get something as simple as that? Well I'm not telling you these things to wollow in my own pity but just to give you an idea of the day and of how life changes in an instant and what's going on with little Maddie. I am just so proud that dad so loving and being patient! We have had some sweet time too though that I must tell you about! Last night I was laying beside the bed in the recliner and she kept saying Mom, look at that on the TV, it was a cat and mouse chase with pumba and timone and she thought it was funny and she would tell me what they were doing to each other like I didn't know what was going on! So see there are times that she does talk to me but it is definitely on her time!! And that's ok too cause that's her!! OH and last night dad and I got her to smiling and actually laughing! I was able to get some of the laughter on film!
She has been eating more too! For the past three days she has eaten some powdered donuts, brownie, marshmellows, yogurt, a bite of McDonalds cheeseburger and fries, and her choco milk! She has ask dad to pick her up and be taken to the kichen to look herself! She is still going to the potty too! We have had to push her pain med about three times today at 1 mg per dose for shoulder pain. I am not sure if she just slept on it too long or what. I have started beating on her back with a little rubber stopper they give us at St Jude when she was on the vent last time. It is suppossed to keep things flowing so not to set up pneumonia. She likes it too!! She has NOT been needing any oxygen. She still continues with the picking but her lips have healed completely since giving the platelets! We won't go back to St Jude unless we see she needs platelets again or she shows signs of healing!! I'm up for that!!
OH! Also want to say that MAddie weighs more than I had said in a previous entry. We weighed her with dad today and it came to 31 lbs (that's subtracting dad's weight of course!)So that's alittle better but if you remember thats a pound less than what she weighed at age two the day we brought her to St Jude. The most she has ever weighed was 38 lbs.
She is resting so peaceful at the moment as she has her head tilted back on one of Tyler's Star Wars Annikin pillow cases! She ask for that one when I changed sheets last!
Ella will be back with us tomorrow! Maddie actually wants her back too! Tyler is back to homeschooling and his math teacher Miss Rachel Anderson who is a retired teacher with ECS is coming to our home each week for the time being so that we don't have to worry with getting him there!! So we are thankful for that!
Well I am signing off for the night! Just want you all to know that we are getting your messages and love!! Please pray for Maddie's continued strength, peace, comfort and healing. She is so brave and beautiful.

Loving our girl to pieces,
Brandi

Monday, January 14, 2008 9:45 PM CST

Good evening & glory be to God...

Maddie has been resting very comfortably since yesterday afternoon when home health nurse, Mary came to increase Maddie's Dilauted. She was having some burning pain on the tops of her feet and her legs were hurting some. She had been having her feet elevated with a couple of pillows so we dropped one pillow without her noticing of course, since it could be from poor circulation in the feet from low blood maybe....I'm just speculating here.
Today has been 4 weeks since coming home from St Jude. As time goes by I become torn as to whether to give Maddie blood and/or platelets. I just want to keep her comfortable should this go on for days or weeks longer. I have called several doctors throughout the week for their opinions and of course they just say whatever decision we make is the right one, just keeping her and us comfortable is important and they are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen! UUGGHH! They are too kind but now the decision rest within us but we are not doctors trained to know these things. We have went from being in the curative mode for so long and now trying to switch over to the "comfort only" mode is tough to get used to, not sure that I really ever can or will to be honest. However, I still have hope in Maddie's future! Whether it be here on this earth or with Jesus-her spirit will reign high and her comfort my highest priority! Through my thinking and praying process I had to make a decision and my decision was to take Maddie over to St Jude and get her some platelets and blood. Not to prolong death but to hopefully make her more comfortable in the days or weeks ahead! What we thought would only be a couple of weeks has now been a month and now I must do something if not for my own sanity. Maddie's hemoglobin was 2.6 and her platelets 13. I am most concerned with her platelets as she has patikieye sp? on her neck and tends to pick her little lips and nose so often. The bleeding is "gross", she says and just becoming uncomfortable and bothersome to her. I am hoping this will fix more of the free bleeding that could happen. The blood could cause some pain we've been told but the pain pump is of course on board for that says one doctor and yes it could even provide oxygen to the cancer cells as well but more importantly it could give Maddie some hours or days that she feels good enough to color or interact and that is my hope for her and us! So last night we called St Jude and tell them were coming over! She sits the side of the bed, tells us which pair of pjs she wants, which socks and puts her little arms in herself! We received blood in the Med room til 12am and now are a St Jude again tonight getting platelets and more red blood cells!
My happy story for all of you: Last night after returning home around midnight, Maddie wanted to watch a movie. After hooking up fluids, I laid down next to her in the bed of course trying and hoping she would allow me to and for the first time in four solid weeks, I got to sleep (the entire night)next to my sweet girl with not one complaint or asking of daddy! (sorry dad) She awoke at 1:50 wanting some chocolate milk and then at 5Am for some Vaseline for her lips and wanting to watch Cinderella 3! I am just the happiest mommy today!
Today has been one of her better days this past month as she has not cried for anything! She ask for and ate half her Trix yogurt and is drinking chocolate milk. She is still sleeping much of the day but today she played with a magnetic Cinderella doll and she ask me to read where daddy left off in her "Big white book', of favorite children's stories! So even today we have seen (alittle)more interaction from her and hopefully many more to come!!
Please continue to pray for this and we will keep you posted on this AMAZING little girl!
Right now she is laying here in the Med room, now 10:30pm awake and watching Mrs. Doubtfire with daddy and me!


Love to all,
Brandi

Friday, January 11, 2008 12:36 AM CST

Hello to all,
WOW where do I begin...the days are long and tiring in thoughts & prayers but short in time. It seems that time is passing so slowly for Maddie but too fast for me. She is so beautiful as she sleeps but man she can get mad if you get too close or try to put carmex on her lips. She still wants to try and do things herself but she is just very fragile and weak. But she gets an A for effort!!
I have been writing some thoughts in my journal as I lay beside her bed with her so this was yesterdays entry that I will share with you:
Jan 10, 9:45AM Suddenly, Maddie woke in agonizing screams. One after another with short breaks in between. Her head wet and hair sweaty. Her pain pump was pushed. She could not talk or say anything or answer questions when ask. She would call out my name and I would say I'm here and hold her hand, she would push it away but keep calling my name as if she doesn't want me physically but looking and can't find me. This went on for several minutes.
In a panic, I searched for the phone to call Hospice but quickly realized that I needed to be by her side and that Neal and I could handle this. My wish has always been to be at home alone with her and dad when this time came and I knew there would be nothing for anyone else to do.
Neal and I held each other briefly when she calmed down. I didn't want to agitate her with my presence so I let him change her pullup and flip her pillow. Still screaming, mom...mom...and another boost of pain med given I held her hand and assured her that "Madelyn, mommy is here and I am ok. Mommy loves you and Jesus loves you too. It's ok to go with Him. You will be safe and you will have so much fun. Don't be scared Madelyn-go and have fun. I love you Madelyn." She settled right down as I rolled her to her side and put a Hello Kitty body pillow behind her back and her oxy arm beside her nose.
Daddy has talked with her as well and has been holding her left little finger as he lays by her side and my hand on top of her right hand as I sit in the floor beside the bed where she lays.
No one is here, just Tyler still in the bed, it is now 10:32AM. It is very peaceful. Things are calm again with her and now we are back to even more thoughts and prayer.



Back to todays journal, it is only by God's grace that I could get those words out so quickly to Maddie. It really didn't hit me til afterwards that I could even say such things as I love her so much that my sefish side doen't want her to go but I honestly believe with all me heart that Jesus loves her (and me, and you)more and He KNOWS that I don't want my last thought of her in pain or feeling scared. So please pray for these things.
Miss Barbara-our hospice nurse came out yesterday to access her and she just says there is really no time frame-hours to days at best. Her blood is extremely low, possibly 2 since it been another week and her platelets are possible low as her lips bleed with the slightest touch. She is picking at her lips and nose often so we have been really keeping carmex and vaseline on board. She did not wake but briefly in blank glassy eyed stares then back to sleep. She would wake almost disoriented waving her tiny arms in the air. She could not say or speak at all yesterday, just tug or cry when she needed something, basically we just had to guess.
OK now here's Maddie's showing out---Last night my friend Emily came and picked up Tyler and his friend Nick and took them to the mall, movie and out to eat. When Tyler came int he door Maddie quickly put the cover over her head. Then around 11pm, she ask for chocolate milk and as Tyler was in the room with us, dad ask if she wanted to watch a movie and Tyler went through them all and she decided on Cinderella! He put it in her princess DVD player and ask him if he would sleep in the recliner beside her and he said he would love to. The four of us, dad in the bed beside her and me on a stool at the end of the bed, watched her favorite movie together! After the movie, I went to bed layig on a twin mattress outside the bedroom door as she and Tyler stayed up watching Cinderella 3! I am so proud of Tyler, he's being so very brave and understanding and taking advantage of this time with her!
Today has been somewhat of a better day. Miss Barbara has been here delivering fluids which about 4 days ago were turned down to 15 and will be possibly turned off soon due to her eyes getting puffy and retaining fluids. Anyway, she is not in pain and is resting well. She seems more aware and has talked again since last night. I am about to go and be with her now.

We thank you for continuing to cover us in prayer and we are grateful for your understanding of us spending alone time with Maddie! I appreciate the phone calls and emails as I do try to respond briefly. We love you guys and I will certainly fill you in on thoughts and good times as they come.
Love to all,
Brandi



this is what she wrote for me several days ago as she pretends she's inpatient and what number corresponds to which room!HEHE So there are numbered pices of paper on the door or wall of each room here!

She ask me to write her name on the wall like "Miss" Nicole always does!

Saturday, January 5, 2008 3:36 AM CST

Tuesday January 8, 2008 10:45pm CST

Brandi just emailed and asked me to add this...I will cut and paste:

"at this time we kindly ask that visits be limited to the immediate family only as we are sharing our last and final days with our Princess! Her time awake is very little and we are cherishing every part of that as a family. Thank you!"

I also wanted to say that last night, while Maddie was up, she had a sweet time reminiscing about special times with Tyler. She didn't realize Tyler was standing behind her listening, but she gave him her little sweet smile when she realized he was there. I am so happy for this for him. Also, Brandi said that she is sorry she hasnt gotten to update as she would like but will as soon as she can.

Tuesday January 8, 2008 10:00pm CST

I know so many of you are checking in several times a day...Brandi feels that Madelyn's time is getting close at hand. She was up in the middle of the night from 1-4am and had some sweet time with Brandi and Tyler. Maddie asked to play with her little nativity set and then watch a movie. She also told Brandi that she has been singing her favorite songs lately, "Jesus loves me" and "Jesus loves the little children". Brandi said she must mean singing them in her head, but its just so wonderful to know that the Lord is ministering to her in this way. Since around 4am, she hasn't been up at all today.

Ella has been with Neal's sweet sister Amy and family over the past few days. She will come home tomorrow with Amy, Matt and kids for a while, but then will go back to Amy's house with them. Brandi is grateful to have some special time to spend with Madelyn right now.

Thank you so much for your constant prayers and concern for the Beamons.

Peace to you,
Mylissa Horrocks for the Beamons


I just wanted to get on here tonight while the house is quiet with just the sound of the washer running. I would like to tell you that I’m ok but tonight has been full of emotion as I sat for several hours while everyone sleeps listening to songs on a set of headphones. I want to wake dad up so badly but I just don’t have the heart. I tell you this is not my plan, this is not the dreams I had for my sweet girl. I am just trusting God with each and every tear that flows down my face that He has this all under control and that our precious girl will be well taken care of. He promises this and I believe it but it still doesn’t keep me from missing that sweet personality of hers.
Don’t let the last few updates fool you as those most precious few moments she let me hold her on the couch last night and wanting me to push her in the buggy at Wal Mart yesterday have been very short lived. YES I am thankful but I realize now that no matter how much time I get with her, I always want MORE. And thus I just want to hold her now all the time, forever, making the pain even greater.
Did we mention that after asking me to push her in the buggy yesterday she ask if she could get a manicure? She got to soak her fingers then told the lady that she could dry them herself! Still her independence shines through! She even walked away with a new bottle of polish compliments of mommy! She also picked out some new pj’s and told me which coordinating color to get for Ella as well!
I already miss those girly girl days out together. I always called her my best friend but she’d always say No you’re not, you’re my mommy! HEHE I can tell that her charming personality has been replaced with great fatigue and blank stares. Her lips stay chapped even with Carmex and her eyes alittle puffy.
I try to go in the room where she likes to sleep with daddy by her side watching her princess TV, but she shews me away almost every time and will even start crying if I stay too long. She did, after some tears, let me give her a sponge bath and she brushed her teeth for me this morning.
She has still been eating some. She’s had bites of powered donuts, cheesesticks, cinnamon rolls and yogurt. She has gotten so thin. I’ve never seen her (anyone) this thin before. I know she’s down to at least 25 lbs, which is what our 9 month weighs. My heart just breaks for her right now. I really thought I was going to handle this differently and I also thought that her distancing herself might help me but it’s not been working. I just want to go in there and tell her that sometimes but I just want her to be herself as well. I’ve had to tell Neal to just stop asking her “why not mommy?” when she won’t let me help her with things. So many nights at St Jude of staying up with her around the clock and always jumping in an instant with the sound of her voice-it’s all I know.
Well it’s been three weeks and 4 days since leaving St Jude . I am starting to miss the staff there. I talked to Kristi, our clinic receptionist and realized that I didn’t have a picture with her and Maddie and so I tell any new mommas and daddy’s there now-get pics of your child with those you care about as you will cherish those forever as we just never know when or if you’ll see them again. Maddie doesn’t like for anyone taking pictures of her for the past several weeks but we’ve taken 12 video tapes full so far of each time she feels like playing or getting up or talking or moving…….
Tyler is back home with us and he’s had his friend Nick over for a couple of days as well! Ella is just everywhere and getting into what ever she can reach!! She loves going through bags, she has started to wave this past month and is cutting her second tooth. She stands up on furniture and grunts like a bear when trying to say something! When she’s mad she pushes out her lips and breathes fast through her nose-it’s the funniest thing!
Well I need to go and get some rest as we have family coming in over the weekend. Keep praying for Maddie to find comfort in mommy as well as daddy and to never stop amazing us all!!

Seeking Jesus for comfort,
Brandi

Thursday, January 3, 2008 10:59 PM CST

Update:
Just wanted to let everyone know that Madelyn let Brandi hold her last night while watching a movie and falling asleep. Also she let Brandi give her a sponge bath this morning. Brandi really enjoyed holding her last night.

Neal

Hi all,
I have a neat story to share with you tonight. Earlier today, Brandi went and told Madelyn that she was going to Wal-Mart. Maddie replied, "well, get my clothes cause I'm going too!" She said she wanted cinnamon rolls from Wal-Mart. A short while later, the car all loaded down with blankets, pillows, and the oxygen tank (just in case she needed it) they were off to Wal-Mart. When they got there, Maddie stayed awake pretty much the whole time. Afterwards, she said she wanted McDonald's fries, and when they got them, she even ate a few! Once they got home from their excursion out, she slept for a few hours and while I was talking to Neal she was up watching some TV.
Neal does feel that she is sleeping a little more now. It really seems that Madelyn is taking the freedom right now to do as much as she wants to do, and get the rest she wants as well. I am so proud of Brandi and Neal and the amazing parents they are to all of their kids.

Thank you for checking in,
Mylissa Horrocks, for the Beamons

Wednesday, January 2, 2008 10:21 AM CST

Just want to give a quick update. Madelyn actually lay down with Brandi for a few minutes last night and played dress up dolls on the computer with her. And then on New Years Eve she got down in the floor and played with Brandi for about an hour. Her and I both were so thankful for this time that she wanted to get down and play. Please keep us in your prayers.

Neal

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