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Tuesday, January 31, 2012 5:31 PM CST

I’ve started to sit down and write here so many times but it just never seems the right time. I don’t have the pull to come and write here as often as in the past. I think it is all part of the process. It is surreal that it has been 5 years since Jenna left us. 5 years is a long time. A really long time.
We’ve come a long way in that 5 years. We’ve learned a lot about grief and all that comes with losing a child. We’ve learned no two people cope or grieve the same way. There is no right or wrong way. (well maybe wrong if you start acting really crazy :-) It is only about what works best for you and for you and your family. You have to grieve for yourself…to find your own peace with what has happened. We’ve learned that sometimes the grief is in the background of life and sometimes it is in the very forefront of life. There is some predictability to it but more often as the years go by, there is no predicting it. There are times when it just sneaks up on you when you least expect it and it feels like you’ve been hit by a crashing wave. It wouldn’t be normal if we weren’t feeling this way. This is our new normal…a newer normal than the first new normal right after Jenna left us. How many times can you say “new normal” in one sentence? That was a lot but it makes sense in my mind.
We’ve had 5 years of missing Jenna. We still miss her sweet spirit, sweet smile and presence here in our lives every day. 5 years of not understanding why it was our Jenna. 5 years of knowing she did great things in her 12 short years here on this earth. 5 years of knowing there was a purpose to her life. 5 years of knowing God is still holding us all in the palm of his hand. 5 years of imagining how wonderful Jenna’s days are in heaven. 5 years seems like a life time and then some days it seems like it wasn’t that long ago.
I guess all of that is a roundabout way of saying we’re all doing ok. We’re still here , still standing and still moving forward. And speaking of moving forward or maybe moving upward, Morgan had her sports physical last week and she has grown 2.5 inches over the last year!! Guess that’s what happens when you’re almost 15. Yes, someone has a birthday this week and will be 15. Her plan is to get her driver’s permit on her birthday so she can start learning to drive. I’m leaving most of that instruction up to her dad. She’s still doing well in high school and is currently in the middle of tryouts for the school soccer team. Thank goodness this is the only soccer she is doing now.
Thank you for stopping by to check on the Witherspoons. We very much appreciate all your love and support. I probably should have mentioned that above. We have had 5 years of wonderful support and outpouring of love for all of us. It never ceases to amaze me how I can be having a down day and all of a sudden someone reaches out with just the right words, thoughtful deed or encouragement. We are blessed by you all.
Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Monday, October 17, 2011 6:44 PM CDT

Hello all.
It’s obviously been a while since I’ve updated this site. I admit I have had my usual trigger for writing. I’ve heard “I Can Only Imagine” about 4 times in the last couple weeks. I can go weeks and weeks without hearing it and then all of a sudden, I hear it all the time. It obviously isn’t the only time I think about her but it just “hits home” more when I hear that song. And it brings me here to update.
August brought the beginning of school and it was bittersweet. Morgan entered her freshman year and it should be Jenna’s Senior year. This would have been the only year they would be in high school together. It brought out a tough “season” for me. I’ve found that back to school is always a tough time for me. I think it’s the new beginnings and the lack of one for Jenna that gets to me. (I'm sure her heavenly days are so much better but we're still human and still want her here with us) She loved school and being with her friends. It is a season of missing Jenna more than normal and missing the life she would be experiencing here with us. It doesn’t have to be a holiday, a birthday or a special day to have the loss just come over you and give you a good kick to remind you that this is the reality of your life.

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

This was the first time Morgan has entered a school where she didn’t follow in Jenna’s steps. It’s totally a new experience for her and me. We’re both learning the process, the teachers, etc. Morgan has adapted (as expected) and loves being in high school. She is in her element and doing fabulously. She continues to play club soccer this fall and will try out for the JV team at school in the spring. She has grown about 2-3 inches since May and is definitely taller than me. She likes that a lot.
If you’re reading this, thank you for stopping by to check on our family and to have a little Jenna time. As always, we are so thankful for each of you who has traveled this journey with us.
Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Sunday, July 3, 2011 8:26 AM CDT

I’ve heard “I Can Only Imagine” about 3 times in the last week. I think that means I need to come and update here. I looked back at the calendar and realized last week marked 4 ½ years without Jenna. It’s such a long time and yet it doesn’t seem like it’s that long. We all miss her so much. It’s hard realizing all the things she’s missing here on earth like prom, driving, summer jobs, college visits and beach trips with friends. And I know she isn’t missing them at all because her time in heaven is so much better than all of that. It’s just hard for us not seeing her do all the things we imagined and hoped for her as her parents. We miss the life we would have had together. I think her life and time here with us did more than we ever imagined too. She touched so many lives and I can say that wasn’t something we ever planned for her. God is good and had the perfect plan.

Another school year has ended and Morgan had a great year in 8th grade. She’s now enjoying a relaxing summer with some soccer camp thrown in the mix. She’s actually at the beach with Nana Brenda right now so it’s very quiet here. Morgan will be a freshman in high school when August rolls around. Not sure how that happened so fast! (even harder—Jenna would be a Senior!) She is very excited about moving onto high school. We are so proud of the young lady she has become.

That’s a quick update from our world. Nothing really new or surprising I guess. Thank you for stopping by for a visit and for your continued thoughts and prayers. They are greatly appreciated.
Love, Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Thursday, March 10, 2011 7:08 PM CST

Hello everyone.
It has been a while since I’ve been here. The days, weeks and months just seem to pass so quickly. And I have to admit I don’t feel the pull of writing here as often as in the past. I’ve been thinking about writing for the last couple weeks but this is the first time I’ve actually slowed down long enough to write. It’s prime soccer season here and Morgan is again playing for middle school team and her club team. Some days she has two practices. She enjoys it and her grades don’t suffer at all so we have no problems with it.
I never cease to be amazed at how I still receive “Jenna blessings”. These are just little things or an encounter with someone or something that brings about a special thought or memory about Jenna.
Last week I was going thru some of the pictures we have stored on the computer and pulled up the “Jenna” folder. I was scrolling along and came across a set of pictures of Jenna that I had NEVER seen before. (they’re in the photos section). Michael had moved them from his files when organizing some pictures earlier this year. They just brought such joy to me (like a hug from her)—mainly because they captured a side of Jenna that always made me smile. You’ll see it too. It was just a little “Jenna blessing”. I’ve also had the opportunity to tell people about Jenna lately. It’s not uncommon to meet someone who doesn’t know about Jenna and I have the opportunity to share her story and tell them how special and wonderful she was. I also get “Jenna blessings” when I see her friends and adults still wearing their “Jenna’s Legacy of Smiles” bracelets….even 4 yrs after her death. And people continue to leave notes here or on the Jenna’s Legacy facebook page. Those are just some of the things that I appreciate and feel very thankful for.
When I look at the calendar and it says March 2011, I find it hard to believe that is has been 7 years since we learned of Jenna’s brain tumor diagnosis. 7 years ago we didn’t know anything about childhood cancers. We didn’t know a single child who had cancer. We had never witnessed the effects of surgeries, chemo, radiation, and steroids. We didn’t know any families who had lost a child to cancer. And now here we are today, knowing way too much about all of those and wishing desperately that we did not. It is surreal to say the least. The one thing that has not changed in 7 years is the knowledge that God is good and he loves us and continues to this day to hold us all in the palm of his hand. That is the sole reason we are still functioning and living our lives without our sweet Jenna.
To those who continue to stop by and see our sweet girls smiling face, we thank you for still being with us. We are thankful for you.
Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Wednesday, December 15, 2010 4:33 PM CST

Hello Caringbridge friends-
Here we are 10 days away from Christmas. I hate to say this because I feel like it makes me old....but wow--this year has flown by so fast. Doesn't seem real that we are here at Christmas again so soon.
I haven't updated earlier because I really didn't feel I had much to share in regards to us. Things have been relatively good so far. No major dreading, no major blues and maybe a little good cheer here and there. There are still "moments" of intense and painful missing our sweet girl but they've become expected for the most part and part of the normalcy of our holidays. So, I guess it just doesn't wipe us out like it once did. We will always miss Jenna--but especially during the holidays.
I read this online several weeks ago and I think it's good to post it here. I have been trying to apply the words daily....although I have to admit, it's not necessarily easy to do. There is so much pain and heartache around the holidays...not just for those of us who have lost children to cancer.

"Not celebrate? Your burden too great to bear?
Your loneliness is intensified during this Christmas season?
Your tears seem to have no end?
Not celebrate? You should lead the celebration.
You should run through the streets to ring the bell and sing the loudest.
You should fling the tinsel on the tree,
And open your house to your neighbors and call them to dance!
For it is you above all others who know the joy of Advent.
It is unto you that a Savior is born this day.
One who comes to lift your burden from your shoulders,
One Who comes to wipe the tears from your eyes.
You are not alone, for He is born this day to you."
Ann Weems, Kneeling in Bethlehem

Wishing you all a blessed and wonderful Christmas
Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

I also have to share this quote from Elizabeth Edwards who lost her son in a car accident. Have thought about the reunion she must have had with son when she passed away last week. It again reminds us that some of the most special gifts aren't wrapped and under the tree.
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift." ~ Elizabeth Edwards

Tuesday, October 26, 2010 8:33 PM CDT

I looked down at the desk calendar early today and as I looked to tomorrow the 27th of October, it hit me that Jenna has been gone from us and in heaven 3 years and 10 months. It hurts my heart to think about it terms of years and months....it's a dose of reality. A big dose.
I thought of her so often last week. It was Spirit week at Nation Ford High School--the school Jenna would have attended. I saw so many pictures and posts on Facebook from her friends talking about the fun they had. I couldn't help but think about Jenna being right in the middle of it all with them. Wondering how she would have looked and what she would have worn for the different themed days. It's just one of the things that happens to parents who lose a child...the classic "wondering what might have been". I guess that will be part of our lives from now on. Each year bringing something different to wonder about. Just another "it is what it is" and we deal with it the best we can. We just miss her and her sweet presence here on earth. I have no doubt her sweet presence is so much better in heaven though. That keeps me going each day.

Everything else continues to be normal here with us. Morgan will be finishing fall soccer in a couple weeks and will enjoy the break until probably late January. She's enjoying 8th grade and continues to do well in school. She brought home all A's yesterday on her report card. She has finally passed me in height...just barely but enough for it to be noticeable. She's growing into a lovely young lady.

We're approaching the thanksgiving season...don't take for granted the things you have to be thankful for this year. We all have blessings....you may have to dig to find them but they are there.
Thank you for stopping by to check on our family.
With love, Tricia, Michael & Morgan


Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men. Psalm 107:21

Thursday, September 16, 2010 7:24 AM CDT

I realized it is the middle of September and I haven’t done my annual post reminding everyone that it is Pediatric Cancer Awareness month. I have to say for the first time in all the years we’ve been part of the childhood cancer world, this has been the first where I’ve seen an actual TV commercial promoting awareness. Kuddos to Hyundai for joining our cause by not only donating but also by bringing childhood cancer to the attention of lots of people! You can watch the commercial here (if you haven’t seen on national TV) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPe36tIbOfc.

And in case you need a reminder…here are some facts about childhood cancer.
• Childhood cancers are the #1 disease killer of children.
• The National Cancer Institute’s federal budget=$4.6 billion. Pediatric cancers received less than 3 percent it.
• Overall, one out of every five children diagnosed with cancer dies. In some forms of cancer, as few as one out of every five children will live.
• Childhood Cancers are cancers that primarily affect children, teens, and young adults.
• Approximately 20 percent of adults with cancer show evidence the disease has spread, yet nearly 80 percent of children show that the cancer has spread to distant sites at the time of diagnosis.
• The cause of most childhood cancers are unknown and at present, cannot be prevented. (Most adult cancers result from lifestyle factors such as smoking, diet, occupation, and other exposure to cancer-causing agents).
• Nationally, childhood cancer is 20 times more prevalent than pediatric AIDS yet pediatric AIDS receives four times the funding that childhood cancer receives.
• On the average, 12,500 children and adolescents in the U.S. are diagnosed with cancer each year.
• In the U.S., about 46 children and adolescents are diagnosed with cancer every single school day.
We need to raise awareness and funds. It’s not too late. Wear a gold ribbon for the rest of the month to let others know. Make a donation to a charity that funds pediatric cancer research. Get involved…there are plenty of 5k’s, runs/walks, etc. Don’t just read this and think how sad it is….that won’t save our children. It’s time for action.

Thanks for allowing me to climb on my soapbox. It’s one little way I can help raise awareness.
Blessings,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Monday, September 6, 2010 8:09 AM CDT

I received this via email and felt it was worthy of posting here on Jenna's site. It's always nice/comforting to read another parents words about dealing with this "normal" life we have. They get it.
They wrote:
"Faking it until we make it..........

I tried explaining this to a social worker once and she looked at me like I'd grown 3 heads..She didn't get it and I have often thought that there needs to be a class that we parents give to people explaing how we parents learn to deal with this life....

Faking it until we make it firmly explains how we are and have been dealing with this life for many years now....

We march along...doing all the necesary things...functioning like "normal" people...all the while living with this incredible weight...So, we basically fake it....we fake being like "normal" people...we go out, do things, interact with people..do all the things that society expects of us but it's not real..not really...because inside we are carrying such a heavy burden..it can never leave you..no matter how you try...the fear when they are in treatment..and then pain when they are gone..

So we fake it...

You have to look at more than just the words here....That doesn't mean that all of our interactions with people are fake...that our smiles or laughter is fake..and especially that our love is fake....It just means that we learn to live.....by living....

It simply means that we are hurting....much much more than most people want to hear about or can handle...it is our burden...so we smile and live and function until the pain is a little less and those smiles feel a little less forced..the tears just a little less close to the surface....

We fake it until we make it...... "

Pretty good description of this life we live. Wish I had the parents name to give credit...but sadly I don't.

We are in normal back to school mode. Morgan is enjoying 8th grade and soccer. Her first games of the seasone are next weekend. There really isn't a lot to report...which I guess is always a good thing.
Oh, I did attempt to print this caringbridge site. The normal caringbridge book is about 500 pages...Jenna's was 1457 pages! (and of course the price was way up there too because of that) That 1457 includes every journal and very guest entry! I was amazed the number was so high. And I got a little blessing knowing it was that high too--felt the love! Will have to figure something out about it.

Thanks for stopping by. We are blessed by each of you.
Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Monday, August 2, 2010 See addition below

More words will come later.....but for now it's simply:
Happy 16th Birthday Jenna!!
We love and miss you!
Mom, Daddy & Morgan

Tuesday Aug. 3rd
Six months ago, I had grand plans to do something special to celebrate Jenna’s birthday. I thought we’d do something where we could get a bunch of people together and at the same time maybe raise money for the hospital or for Curesearch. It was a great plan….but then August 2 got closer and those thoughts just weren’t quite as appealing. I was torn with the “need” to do something and yet at the same time I wanted to hide and be alone with my grief. There has been some major grieving surrounding this birthday. 16 is such a big milestone. Celebrating occasions like this are hard for families like us. This is one of those times that really bring up the “new normal”. Everything you’ve ever done to celebrate a child’s birthday changes. The main thing you want to do is remember your child and hope that others do the same.
In the end after having a family meeting (that would be me, Michael & Morgan), we decided to keep it simple…none of us had the energy for big things….as much as we thought we wanted that. And then there was soccer camp for Morgan which always seems to start or happen whenever Jenna’s birthday rolls around. We did lots of “Jenna” things on Sunday the 1st. We finished off the day with dinner The Melting Pot….one of Jenna’s favorites. It was perfect.
Then Monday came. Jenna’s actual birthday. Let me just tell you…it was HARD. I woke up early with thoughts of sticking to my routine and hitting the gym. I got dressed and was ready to roll. But then the tears started and there was no gym for this girl. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I will say the rest of the day did get better. The love and support we received yesterday was unbelievable. So many reached out and let us know they were thinking about us. There were beautiful flowers, sweet notes, texts and phone calls. It just warmed our hearts to know so many people were thinking about Jenna and our family on her 16th birthday. Four of Jenna’s friends even came to the house and brought us a beautiful flower arrangement. It was so special. I could see her hanging with those girls if she was here! It did this mom’s heart a world of good to have them visit us.
While it was a tough day….it was special too…just like our girl. I couldn’t have planned it any better. I think someone with heavenly connections planned it out for us.
Thank you to everyone for your love and support and prayers. We continue to be humbled by all of you and how you are still with us on this journey.
With much love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Sunday, July 18, 2010 7:03 PM CDT

Homesick
by MercyMe
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

As I was riding in the car today I heard this song. I think I've mentioned it (maybe posted a youtube link) here before...but today it really struck me. The words rang so true today. I miss our girl so much. The thought that she would be turning 16 in a couple weeks is in the forefront of my mind. (not sure how we'll be celebrating/honoring her on that day) We recently returned from a great trip to Hawaii. We went with all the family to celebrate my parents upcoming 50th anniversary. It was wonderful.....only there was someone missing. Each of us felt it in our own ways....she should be here with us enjoying this. But at the same time there was no doubt that her spirit was with us....she's still very much a part of us. There were Jenna sunrises, Jenna sunsets and definitely some of the most beautiful rainbows you've ever seen. But still...our human nature makes us want her physically with us to be able to complete our family. Her absence creates such a hole in our lives and hearts. It made me homesick.....and think "how long must I wait to be with you"

Blessings to each of you,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan


PS: link to MercyMe singing "Homesick"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvhrPMJe8LE&feature=PlayList&p=E85947DF5F74DB20&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=28

Tuesday, June 8, 2010 7:40 PM CDT

I have learned over the last three years that there are seasons to the grieving process. Some seasons of grief are dark and unbearable, some are hard, and some a little brighter, and some are manageable. I am sure there are lots more but I haven’t experienced those yet. There isn’t always a rhyme or reason to the seasons and what type feelings will accompany them. They aren’t always predictable. A difficult January in one year doesn’t always mean a difficult January the next year. I’ve found it’s best to just “roll” with the seasons and go wherever they may take you. I can say that I have found this time of year to be a constant season for me. It’s the time of year when school is ending. A chapter of life is closing. There is a progression in life as people move forward….some out of school, some to a new school or just simply moving to another grade. All of this is hard to process. We only experience a portion of this. Morgan does all these things….Jenna does not. It’s just another one of those times when Jenna’s absence is so so very apparent to me—one of those “she should be…..” phases. I know she would be making us so proud with her life and accomplishments—that’s just the way she was. It’s in these times when thoughts of fairness come so often….when the littlest things can set you off on a crying jag….when your heart aches….when it just doesn’t seem to make sense. But at these times I remind myself…there is/was a plan. Jenna’s life meant something….even if it was too short. She had a purpose. She was our bright shining ray of sunshine and I’d much rather have her here with me. But I again remind myself, there’s nothing here that can compare with what she is experiencing now in heaven. No cancer, no chemo, no radiation, no steroids, no pain…..how wonderful it has to be. I can only imagine!!

School is out and it's officially summer break. Morgan finished 7th grade with flying colors. She made straight A's all year. We're very proud of her and will be going out for a celebratory dinner very soon. She's got a low key summer with no camps planned so far. She's saving all her energy for our big trip at the end of the month.

I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable summer. Don't put off anything--enjoy the time you have with your loved ones. The memories you make will last a lifetime!
Thanks for stopping by and keeping our family in your thoughts and prayers.
Love-
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Tuesday, May 4, 2010 3:29 PM CDT

The days continue to go by. 1225 days to be exact. 3 years, 4 months and 8 days. Now that I’ve written that I am sitting here thinking “what can I possibly write or say after that?” I want to keep writing here….but struggle with what to say. I feel the need to write even though it’s not as often. I need to keep this little piece of Jenna going. I like to be able to see her smiling face on the screen. So, the days will continue to go by and for now….I will continue on….even when it’s a struggle. A struggle for words is nothing compared to the struggle our sweet Jenna had with cancer.

This last week has brought reminders to appreciate every day and take nothing for granted. One of Morgan’s friends lost his mother very suddenly…like “oh my gosh, how can things like this happen?” suddenly. While I have grieved and hurt for this family, I’ve had this little feeling/reminder that our lives could have been just like theirs. If we hadn’t gotten Jenna to the doctor and then on to CMC when we did, we could have lost her. We could have lost her without ever knowing what was wrong. We could have lost her if they didn’t perform the emergency surgery….so many could haves. There are so many questions and so many whys for those who have experienced sudden losses. We don’t understand. We won’t until we are reunited in heaven. So for now I am thankful for the time we had with Jenna. I am thankful for every day before her diagnosis and for every day after her diagnosis. God had a plan. He still does.

Morgan has finished soccer until the fall. (can you feel the happiness from me as I type those words??) Playing middle school and club ball was good and challenging. All of those practices and games started to get a little much about the last couple weeks or so. I am sure there will be some form of soccer this summer…maybe not. We have a big trip to celebrate my parents 50th anniversary coming up very soon. We are all very excited. It will include our family, my parents, and my brother’s family. Nothing else big on our horizon….and we kinda like that.
This is where I always feel so so repetitive….we do appreciate everyone who stops by, everyone who says a prayer, everyone who smiles when they see Jenna’s pictures, everyone who leaves a note…..I could go on and on. And I probably have in the past. Thank you for being a part of our journey—with Jenna and without.

God Bless,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Tuesday, March 16, 2010 2:58 PM CDT

It has been a while since I’ve written. It is hard to believe that it is March again. The 27th of this month will mark 6 years since we entered into the world of childhood cancer and all of its aftermath. I recently received a poem that was called “The Shoes a Cancer Mom Wears”. This is what it says….
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I don’t think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes. I can tell in others eyes that they’re glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes.To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I’m not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has a child with cancer.
~Author Unknown
This is so true...actually more like “been there done that”. I also think this can totally be applied to parents who have lost their child to cancer. We now wear grieving shoes…..Grieving shoes are big and make walking difficult. They aren’t comfortable and never seem “right”. Each day wishing we didn’t have to wear them, some days feeling like we can’t take another step in them and knowing we aren’t the only ones wearing them, many parents wear them as well. Possibly getting to the point where we’ve been wearing them long enough that they don’t hurt quite as much or we finally stop walking in them and just carry them with you always—the grief is still there, you’re just not wearing it.. This is our life in a nutshell. Always missing our Jenna, constantly aware of her absence, and surviving by being held in the palm of God’s hand when we need it most. God is good. He carries us when our grieving shoes are too much to bear.

Our daily lives are going well. I have gone back to work part time—working about 20 hours a week. I have been enjoying it and it’s what I needed—just miss wearing my blue jeans every day. Morgan continues to do well in school and is enjoying middle school soccer as well as club soccer. She is busy with lots of practices and games but that’s the way she likes it to be. She’s growing up so fast—she’s as tall as me now and wearing the same size shoe. Mike is busy with work as well –taking a few work related trips now and then but mostly looking forward to playing lots of golf this spring.

Thank you for stopping by Jenna’s site. Hard to believe it’s been up and going for almost 6 years. I had no idea the value of this site when we first started it. It’s been such a blessing to us. (and all those who have been part of the site as well)
God bless,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Tuesday, February 2, 2010 9:51 AM CST

Hello.
It is amazing what a litle paint can do....it sent me into a total "Jenna moment" and really made me miss her (more than normal). We're having some painting done on the inside of the house. No big deal....but to a mama who sees smudges on the wall by the back steps, it creates a "moment". The smudges were put there by Jenna...as she slowly made her way up and down the steps to her bedroom. It wasn't an easy process near the end for her so usually one hand was on the wall and I was on the other side helping her up. Little smudges that bring back such memories...she never once complained about those steps or me having to help her. She just took it all in stride like she did everything else. Little smudges that grab your heart...who would have thought? And now those little smudges will be covered by a fresh coat of paint.......I almost changed my mind about the whole thing. Then I realized that would be a little over the edge. :-) So the paint will go on but this mama will know the smudges are under there....and always will be.

And those who have followed know that this is a big week here --yes, Miss Morgan is becoming a teenager! I'd like to call this whole thing off too! But again, I can't and my baby girl will be 13 on Thursday. We're having a family dinner and then she will have her party much later. She's decided to have a pool party in the spring. It will be a nice change. (and it works better with her busy social schedule!). She's going skiing this weekend with youth group. She is very excited. Please pray for safe travels and no injuries. (she's got a busy soccer schedule coming up!)

I have learned that you can order a caringbridge book. They take every entry by our family and every post by visitors and put it into a book. I am going to order one in the next couple weeks. I think it will be wonderful to see all the love and support we've received in a book that will last for years. The site will stay up and you'll still be able to leave messages. There will just be a cutoff date for the publication. So--if you haven't left a message in a while or ever or have a Jenna story, now would be a good time to leave one. We treasure every word written and every prayer said on our behalf.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Friday, January 8, 2010 9:49 AM CST

2010--a new decade. When I look back at the last one all I can think is "How did we survive it?" And I know we had to have been held in the palm of God's hand the whole time....that's the only way we're still standing today!

I am being a total copycat today. I read this over at Riley's caringbridge site and just knew it needed to be posted here on Jenna's site as well. (thanks for posting it Andrea!)

I HOPE...

I hope you never have to hear the words, 'Your child has cancer.'

I hope you never have to hear, 'The prognosis is not good.'

I hope you never have to prepare your child to undergo radiation or chemotherapy, have a port surgically inserted into their chest, be connected to IV poles.

I hope you never have your child look at you with fear in their eyes and say, 'Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay' or 'Mommy am I going to die?'

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the 'cure' you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they

lose their hair,

become skeletal,

swell up from steroids,

develop severe acne,

become barely or unable to walk or move,

and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,

'It's going to be okay, Mommy.'

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months, or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, 'There is nothing more we can do.'

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to the table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred.

And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, 'It's going to be okay Mommy.'

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck beside you and hear them say, “Thank God that is over with”, because you know it never will be.

Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI's and you try to get your life back to 'normal'.

While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of those tests could result in hearing the dreaded words...

'The cancer has returned' or 'The tumor is growing.'

And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things...Because...only then...

Will you understand...

(author unknown)

Nothing else can be said after reading that.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

(we've been scanning old negatives and have found some new photos of Jenna for the site)

Friday, December 25, 2009 1:44 PM CST

Merry Christmas to all our Caringbridge friends both near and far. Hope your day has been filled with special times with loved ones. And celebrating the true meaning of CHRISTmas. Our day has been good--all we needed was our sweet smiling girl to make it perfect. But she's having a much better day than all of us I'm sure.
Found this recently and think it's only appropriate to post today. Copy and paste in your internet browser.
It's called "Christmas in Heaven"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVE7H2QUD-U


Christmas love and blessings,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Sunday, December 6, 2009 6:59 PM CST

It is hard to believe it is already December. I am wondering what happened to the other 11 months of this year. I guess that time does move faster the older you get.
I can report that I am not feeling the sense of dread about the upcoming days leading to Christmas. I think I am feeling a little lighter this year--not so weighed down by grief maybe? Now that's not saying that it isn't subject to change at any moment and for any day. We will always always have a big empty spot in our lives without Jenna and one that is much more prominent during this season. We miss her and wish she was here with us--it will ALWAYS be that way. But we do have the knowledge that we will be together again one day and that is what keeps us going. She is in such a great place for Christmas--can you imagine what heaven is like for Christmas??

I read these words on a blog last week. I am doing my best to remember them each morning as I rise during this season. "Today is truly a precious gift. May each of us unwrap it intentionally and enjoy it immensely". It is a good reminder that it really isn't about the material gifts that are under the tree.

Wishing you a joyous and blessed Christmas season.
With love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2: 8-12

Saturday, November 14, 2009 9:34 AM CST

Today I have been taking a walk down memory lane….I have been thinking about Jenna’s end of treatment party because I knew it was this time of year. This morning I pulled out the “End of Treatment” scrapbook and realized that the party was actually 5 years ago today. I have re-lived the day thru the pictures and notes in the scrapbook. It was such a wonderful day. We were blessed to have so many friends and our family there to celebrate with us. I am SO thankful we had this celebration and now have the memories to cherish forever. The picture above was taken that day (Jenna's in the middle wearing yellow) It is amazing how young Jenna’s friends looked. I see them now and they are so grown up compared to these pictures—just like Jenna would be. We had no idea what the future held but we knew that we were in God’s hands and there was no better place to be.

This has reminded me of what a great support system we had 5 years ago. And I am thankful that so many of those at the party are still part of our support system. We have lost touch with some along the way but it doesn’t lessen the impact they had at that time. There are people who come into your life forever and some just for a season. Each one is a blessing from God. Make sure you let your friends know how much they mean to you!!

It is hard to believe Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Another year without Jenna is almost complete. It’s still hard to fathom. We are doing well so far. Keeping busy with all the usual activities. Morgan will finally finish her soccer season with 2 games next weekend. School is still going well and she brought home a report card with straight A’s a while back. I am so thankful she is such a good student—especially in math because my ability to help her is decreasing quickly!
Thank you for your continued support and prayers and special “hug” to those who were at the party with us 5 years ago. We are glad you could be with us to make special memories!

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Wednesday, October 21, 2009 12:42 AM CDT

It has been a sad week here in Fort Mill. Two teenagers have died as the result of car accidents--just days apart. It brings up thoughts and feelings from the days right after Jenna died. Makes the missing her a little more "up close and personal" this week. We didn't know either of the teenagers but it makes me feel for these families--they lost their loved ones without any warning. They didn't have time to come to grips with it or try to prepare themselves. (not that it makes it any easier--just different) These families are in for a long hard road--one you don't wish for anyone to have to be on. Please keep them in your prayers. I know they will appreciate them.
Next week will mark 2 years and 10 months without Jenna....I've been thinking how long and how short that seems. Today it just seems so very unreal. So so many things she should be here doing with us and with her friends. (like showing us that beautiful smile!)

Thank you for continueing to visit this site and for your posts. We do appreciate them just as much today as we did the first days we started this site. God Bless.
Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

PS: Everything else is pretty much routine with us. Nothing new to report--which is a good thing I think. :-)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009 8:53 AM CDT

It is now almost the end of September and I have not written about Childhood Cancer Awareness month. It is something I have always done.....somehow the time just slipped away from me. I am aware and I have made some posts about it on Facebook so I guess I've just been covering it different places this year. I actually heard the words "Childhood Cancer Awareness Month" on Good Morning America yesterday morning--I think that is a first. We need so much more awareness so every little bit is helpful. It is estimated that by the end of this year 10,000 children under the age of 15 will be diagnosed with cancer. As I typed that I thought that's a pretty big statistic and then my brain automatically went to "Jenna was one of those statistics." You never know what each day will hold--I never in a million years would have thought we would have a daughter diagnosed with cancer and it would lead to her death. So, while this is about childhood cancer awareness, it is also about appreciating what you have and not taking a single minute for granted.

I have been thinking about Jenna so much lately. Lots of different triggers. I've been wishing for one more hug, one more smile from her, just to have her back for a little while. It is purely selfish because I know that she is in such a better place and I should be thinking about being in heaven with her not bringing her back to this world. And while I know all this and believe it with all my heart, it can't make me stop missing our sweet girl. As Michael and I say often...."It is what it is".

Everything else is going along well with us. Lots of soccer and other activities keeping Morgan busy. She is growing up right before our eyes...and she's almost looking me right in the eyes--she's probably going to pass me and be taller.

Thank you for stopping by for a little Jenna time and for keeping up with our family. We are thankful for our Caringbridge family and friends.

Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 9:21 AM CDT

Hello everyone.
We're still here. Days are still going by....and we're still missing our girl....nothing has changed in that area.
Morgan has started 7th grade and is liking it so far. Morgan is bringing home some of the same assignments as Jenna did. It is bittersweet--remembering Jenna doing the same work--always without complaint and as if there wasn't a thing wrong with her and yet it is the reminder that this was the last schoolwork Jenna did. Walking down the 7th grade hall last night at open house brought up memories of wheeling Jenna down that hall in her wheelchair. Everyone saying "hi" as we went by and then her friends greeting her as she went into her homeroom. And then I'd help her into her desk and she'd start preparing for the day just like everyone else--doing whatever was written on the board, etc. We were so blessed that she was able to do that--that was what made her the happiest. It really was a gift from God.
Morgan is also back on the soccer field. This year she is playing U13 and that means a bigger field with more players (11 vs 11). It will be a change but I'm sure the girls will master it in no time. She has her first game this weekend.
Thanks to all for thinking of our family and for your prayers. God Bless.
Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Sunday, August 2, 2009 9:50 AM CDT

Every good and perfect gift is from above..James 1:17
15 Years ago today we were blessed with the good and perfect gift of Jenna. We had no idea what the future held for her. We had no idea her tiny little life would end up touching so many. But we did know that she was special from the beginning (every parent knows that, right?). So today we are missing our girl something fierce but still celebrating her and all of her specialness. This birthday has been hard to approach—it’s not just the day that is hard, it’s the season in life that she is missing that is hard to deal with. She would be getting her driver’s permit, going into the 10th grade, hanging with friends…..just doing normal teenage things. Those are things that we miss in addition to just missing Jenna.
We have no big plans for the day—just taking it moment by moment and holding our precious girl close in our thoughts and in our hearts.
Thank you to those who have shown your love to us this week (whether in word, deed or just by praying) –it has helped and will continue to help us in our journey. We love you more than words can say.

Happy 15th Birthday Sweet Girl! (and Happy Birthday Nana Betty!!)

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Thursday, July 2, 2009 5:03 PM CDT

Things continue to be well with all of us. We are doing the "normal" things of summer. Sleeping late (Morgan), visiting with friends & family, swimming, going to the beach, etc. Random strangers who see us think we are the typical, normal family. They just don't realize that we're doing everything with a really big piece of our lives missing. You just never know when you will be doing a really normal thing and then you get hit with an ache so bad you just can't describe it. To this day, I will never agree with anyone who tells a parent who has lost a child "it will get easier". Missing Jenna will never get easier -- we just get better at dealing with it or not letting people know how we're feeling. People really don't get how you feel after 2 1/2 years without your child unless they've walked in your shoes. So many people think it should be "all better" by now....boy are they clueless.

I heard "Wish You Here" by Mark Harris this morning and it always makes me think of Jenna. It brought a smile to my face.
"To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me"
Hearing that song and thinking of Jenna like that makes it easier some days....some days nothing really makes it easier. It's been hard to think that she would be 15 in a month. Such a big age with exciting things going on.

As always, thanks for continuing to check on us and for remembering the Witherspoons in your prayers. It is truly appreciated and always needed.

Much love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Tuesday, June 2, 2009 6:24 PM CDT

888 Days.
That is how long we have been without Jenna. (Morgan has a calendar application that counts days based on a date--that's where this number came from) Looks so different in that format vs thinking/saying it's been "over 2 years". Today I am feeling every single one of those 888 days. I miss her so much. I miss her smile, her presence, her sweet spirit--every single thing about her. Today as I sat in the gym at the middle school for Morgan's 6th grade awards ceremony, I thought back to 3 years ago when we were there for Jenna. So long ago and so many things have changed....but such happy memories of Jenna there. She loved FMMS. I remember her being in her wheelchair and when her name would be called for an award, her friends would take turns wheeling her up to the front to get the certificate. I am still in awe of how well she did in school while fighting her battle with cancer. I think the love and support she had from her friends and the teachers there made all the difference. She never felt like she was on the outside. We were and still are blessed by those friends and teachers.
I do have to give a shout out to Morgan for the awards she received today. We are so proud of her and how well she has done in middle school and just how well she has done adjusting to life without her sister. She received an award for making straight A's this year and she also received an award from the teachers--her team of teachers (the Gladiator team) presented her with the "Gladiator of the Year" award. It is given for "exemplifying academic excellence and integrity". It means she been an all around good kid and good student.
Summer break will officially begin Friday afternoon. We are looking forward to the break and spending time with friends and family this summer. As usual, we will stay on the go and soccer will be part of the plan.

I am closing with a poem that Morgan wrote this year. I had not seen this until she brought home an anthology of poetry written by all the students in her language arts class. It is special because it came from Morgan and it is special because it is written about Jenna. I think she captured parts of her sister very well.

Jenna

A warm spring day, full of birds chirping
An umbrella on a rainy day
The world encyclopedia, full of knowledge
A sunrise, brightening the world
The light at the end of the tunnel,
inspiring you to keep going
Your bed, always there for you
My sister and friend, Jenna


God Bless,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Monday, May 4, 2009 10:05 AM CDT

Wow--it's been a while hasn't it? I would think about sitting down to write and then I'd see people were still signing the journal with their stories and then I'd change my mind about writing something new. We have so appreciated and enjoyed all the posts telling us how you came to follow Jenna's site. If there are people out there who still have not signed--please do!! I think of this site as something that Morgan will have to look back on years from now....and she'll be able to share it with her children,etc. Sort of another legacy of Jenna.

The days keep going by and we keep making it thru them. It is evident everyday that a part of our lives has not kept going but we are learning to deal with that fact and do the best we can to find our way. I have personally had lots of Jenna days lately--no big triggers just thoughts of her and all the things she is missing here or things she would be doing. I have to remind myself that she is seeing and doing things so much more wonderful than what we have right now. And she's doing it all without cancer, without pain, without sadness--I can only imagine.

As the days go by Morgan just keeps growing and being a pretty good kid. We do not take her for granted and daily appreciate her presence in our lives. She keeps us moving and shaking. (oh and on schedule--she hates to be late) She has finished soccer, finished Jr. Cotillion this weekend (see photo) and is now preparing to participate in a summer 3 vs 3 soccer league/tournament thingy.

Again, thank you to everyone who posted with their stories--it really means more than you will ever know. This site is a legacy to our sweet smiling Jenna and we're thankful for each of you who is a part of it.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his people with peace
Psalm 29:11

Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:09 AM CDT

It has now been 5 years since this caringbridge site was created. It just doesn't seem like it's been that long...but then again it seems like it's been forever that we've been doing this. This has been such a part of our lives--5 years worth. That's a long time--not a lot of things last that long anymore. :-) I can still remember sitting in the PICU waiting room with Michael and his laptop reading all the entries during those first days. It was so encouraging and we were floored by the number of people posting and viewing the site...the counter would change by hundreds between our viewings. It just meant so much to know that so many people were praying for our Jenna. And I still to this day know that those prayers pulled her through those dark hours and days of March 27-29. We were still in such shock over the diagnosis and how fast everything fell apart that we really didn't process how very critical she was until much later. God was definitely holding Jenna in his hand.

As kind of a 5 year anniversary I would like to ask that if there are people out there who have been with us for the entire 5 years, would you leave a post? You can just say you've been with us or explain how you came to follow Jenna's story. Pls feel free to leave a message regardless of how long you've been visiting this site. We've had people who have followed this site for years and years and we really don't know how they got to Jenna's site. It's something that we can keep and look back on in the future. I don't think we'll make it to a 10 year anniversary....I think that might be a little too long to continue.

All is well here on the homefront. Morgan is still playing soccer and looking forward to spring break. (I think everyone is excited about that). She brought home her report card yesterday and it had all A's. We're very proud of her. We are having a "staycation" for spring break--not going anywhere big this year. We've got lots of things planned for the summer so we'll just hang here for now.

As always thank you for your support and for being with us.

Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Sunday, March 15, 2009 1:47 PM CDT

So many thoughts seem to be turning to Jenna these days. It’s the simplest things that bring the thoughts….a beautiful vibrant pink and purple sunrise or sunset, a shirt, a month, a date, a day, a song. There is no way to adequately describe the way our daily lives are impacted by thoughts of Jenna. She may not be here in body but she is here with us in our thoughts and in our hearts. And always will be.
This song has been one of the ones that bring thoughts of Jenna to mind. (especially the chorus—that is what Jenna has now). Thought I’d share the lyrics and Youtube link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpBuEuagZxE

There Will Be A Day by Jeremy Camp
I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

(Chorus)
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

(Chorus)
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing


I’ve been saying this for years……but it never stops being true…..thank you for your prayers, your posts and for being with this family either in person or thru this site. We are grateful for each of you and the blessings you’ve brought to us.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev. 21:4

Sunday, February 22, 2009 5:51 PM CST

I settled into my seat at church this morning and then I realized the children’s choir was singing. I love when the children sing but oh how it gives me a great big lump in my throat. Jenna loved to sing and enjoyed being part of the children’s choir when she was younger. So I sat there “preparing” myself. (a little pep talk might be a good description). The children stood up and started singing a “jazzed up” version of “This Little Light of Mine”. “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Oh, this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” It was so precious and I held it together –just had the lump in the throat…ok, maybe a tear in the eye too. That song has been in my head off and on all day. As I reminisced about the days when Jenna would sing that song it hit me…she was our little light and she’ll always shine. I think each of us who knew and loved Jenna has a little bit of that light in us now and it can’t be taken away from us. It’s just another special gift from God…just like the gift of Jenna and another thing we have to be thankful for. I also wonder about the light she sees now in heaven………it has to be the most brilliant light as it shines on her beautiful face………I can only imagine. I think that’s why I like this picture so much now—it’s just a tiny glimpse of what she’s experiencing.

Soccer season kicked off this past weekend with 2 games. They won one game and lost one. Morgan had a great game on Sat.—she scored the winning the goal! She was so proud of herself (and I was too)—it had been a while since she had a goal. It was a great way for her to start the season. Of course, Michael was playing in the Connor McKemey golf tournament and missed it. And since he’s the resident photographer, no pictures either.

Thank you for stopping by to keep up with our family and to have some “Jenna time”. I wish I could just set up a slide show on this site with nothing but Jenna pictures. I’m sure there are other places but it would just be better here. We continue to appreciate the love and support that we receive thru this site.
Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

John 8: 12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009 8:52 AM CST

Feb. 4, 1997—the day we welcomed Morgan into our family. How can she be 12 years old????Jenna was so thrilled to be a big sister. I just recently watched the tape we made at the hospital after Morgan was born. Jenna was running around in her little Carter’s PJ’s with the feet in them and having a big time. Then she climbed up on the bed with me and Morgan and every few minutes she’d lean over me and pat Morgan and say “hey, baby sister…..hey, baby sister”. It was absolutely precious. Jenna always wanted a sister when we would ask her….many years later she would ask for a baby brother.

Today is bringing memories of not only all the things that Jenna endured during her 12 years here on earth but also the things that Morgan has endured during her 12 years. She has faced things that a lot of adults have not. She’s been forced to grow up and deal with the realities of cancer and death way too young. I recently looked at picture of Morgan that was taken outside the hospital right after Jenna’s diagnosis—she was so young—she’d just turned 7 before everything changed in our world. While Morgan will forever be the little sister and I know Jenna is celebrating and watching over Morgan from heaven, it hurts my heart to know Morgan will be navigating her way thru life without here big “sissy” here to help and guide her. (and yes, I even miss the idea of all the fights, bickering and arguments). Another reason why we miss Jenna so much.

Moving on to the fun stuff—Morgan did have a fun birthday party this past weekend. She had a scavenger hunt for her party. There were 2 teams of girls and Mike and I each drove a team. We were all over Fort Mill collecting items, info and pictures. She’s already asking to do it again “just for fun” this spring or summer.

Please pray for Andrea & Todd Friddle—they will be welcoming their newest addition to the family sometime today!! (if all goes according to the plan) Pray for peace and the safe arrival of baby Friddle. (Morgan thinks it’s really neat that he will be born on her birthday). We are so thankful for God’s gifts to this family.

Thank you for all your postings and for your continued prayers. There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t need them. We are so so so thankful for each of you!

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Tuesday, January 13, 2009 8:59 AM CST

Hello.
I know it's time to update but I just don't know what to write about. It's a New Year but it doesn't feel so new--it just feels like more of the same for us. This January reminds me that it's another year without Jenna, another year of being forced to live our "normal" lives, another year filled with wondering what Jenna would be doing if she were here....the list could just go on and on. I know this year will be filled with good times and we'll make some great memories and we have so many special memories of Jenna to tresaure BUT it's just not the same as having her here with us. (Ok, Lynn this is for you..) It just plain stinks!!!! Sometimes it just needs to be said and I guess today was one of those days.

Morgan is back in the groove at school. Due to the end of the 9 weeks, she's got a long weekend coming up. We're thinking about hitting the road--a change of scenery is always a good thing. Morgan's also busy planning her 12th birthday--it's 21 days away. She has a white board in her room where she keeps the count going. She cracks me up.

Thank you to those who still stop by to check on us. We do appreciate knowing you're still with us and we ask that you keep us(and all parents who have lost children) in your prayers. Also please pray for those children still battling cancer....there are so many out there.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 10:51 AM CST

Hello all.
We survived Christmas and the 27th. I've been telling people "we're still standing so that's a good thing". Christmas was good...there will always be the part of us that knows that something major is missing from the day but we also know we have to "keep on keepin on" (even when we don't want to). So we celebrated the day and had a good day. The 27th was very low key. We stayed in most of the day and went thru some old photos and videos--it was really neat. The one thing that stood out was Jenna's smile--it was there from when she was itty bitty to the time she left us. Later we went out to Kabuto's for dinner --since that was one of Jenna's favorite places to eat. We've had a lot of gray, yucky days around here--that has not helped with the moods. But thankfully the sun is back and things look a little brighter.

A special thanks to all who remembered us during Christmas and on the 27th. It really does mean more than we can say-knowing that people are out there remembering our sweet Jenna truly does wonders for us. You never want to imagine what it will be like the year "that no one remembers"--just one of those crazy thoughts that run thru the minds of parents who have lost a child.

I hope everyone has a happy and healthy 2009. Make it the year that you take nothing for granted and take time to do the little things with your loved ones that will create memories for a life time.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken Psalm 62: 1-2

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 11:43 AM CST

It's so easy for a lot of people to get caught up in the craziness of Christmas and miss the real meaning. Many think the perfect gift comes wrapped and under the tree. This year we are thankful for many gifts (and none of them are wrapped and under the tree!).
We are thankful for:
--the gift of love and support we receive thru this site
--the gift of family
--the gift of friends who are with us year round--not just during the holidays
--for the gifts of Jenna & Morgan being born into our family.
--for the gift of having Jenna with us for 12 years and 4 mos.
--the gift of good health, a warm house, & food in the cabinets
and especially for
--the gift of Jesus--thru him we have grace, hope, & peace

Wishing you all a blessed Christmas!

With love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

LOVE this video....the words are so perfect!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvhrPMJe8LE

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 5:41 PM CST

Hello everyone.
We're still here....just haven't had much to cover in an update. The holidays aren't quite as intimidating as they were last year....doesn't make them any better this year but it just takes care of the "how are we going to do this?" factor. Now we know what to expect.....or we think we do anyway. All this makes us sound like seasoned professionals at dealing without a child at Christmas--we are FAR from it. It's still unreal that this will be our 2nd Christmas without Jenna....but on the flip side--it will be Jenna's 2nd Christmas in heaven with Jesus. How wonderful that must be. We can only imagine. I've been hearing that song a lot lately "I Can Only Imagine"--probably because I am avoiding all the stations playing Christmas music. I can take it for a little while and then all of a sudden it makes me really sad--so I change the station quickly. Please continue to pray for us (and all the parents who have lost children)during this Christmas season--it really is harder than words can describe. I also ask for prayers for those families that are having their 1st Christmas without their child.

Onto Morgan news....she has changed her look. Yes, last week Morgan got her braces. I added a picture too. I looked at her once last week and she had this big smile and expression on her face and I thought "man, does she look like Jenna right now!". She's also counting down the days til Christmas--she informed us at dinner that there were 15 days left. She still has her joy of the season and for that we are very thankful--it is a little contagious at times (if we work really hard at it :-)
Morgan is also doing some off season soccer training and playing indoor soccer. My girl has to be busy--and thank goodness it's all with one sport right now.

Wanted to remind everyone to tune in to Lite102.9 this Thursday through Sunday (Dec. 11-14) for the 9th Annual Our Kids Come First Radiothon, live from Levine Children’s Hospital. You will be blessed I promise. It's also a great cause if you're looking for that special gift for a family member--make a donation in their name!

Enjoy the next 15 days but especially take time to remember the real reason for season.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Psalm 8:3-5 "When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor."

Monday, November 24, 2008 9:30 AM CST

Hello everyone.
It seems the holiday season is here again. How did it get here so fast this year? I’m not exactly thrilled about it……just can’t muster the enthusiasm that I once had. There will be good times I know but it’s just not the same. I’ve being trying to make a conscious effort to be thankful this week. It’s easy to slip into “pity party” mode and forget the blessings we have.
I have actually been thinking back over the course of Jenna’s illness and thinking of some things to be thankful for during that time. So here are some of them…

I’m thankful that she survived the emergency surgery she had 36 hours after being diagnosed with her brain tumor. A lot of people don’t know how close we came to losing her that night. The surgeon didn’t even give a prognosis when he finished the surgery. He obviously didn’t know what a fighter Jenna was and the power of prayer. I’m thankful for all the people who prayed so hard for Jenna that night.

I’m thankful Jenna didn’t have any “deficits” after her surgeries. I’ll never forget Dr. G telling me we would have to check for deficits…….I had no clue what he was talking about. He explained that Jenna could lose some of her learning abilities, memory, etc in addition to the motor skill issues. I remember saying/praying “Lord, you can’t do that to her—she thrives in school and making good grades is what she does…….you can’t take that from her. Please don’t let her have deficits.” I am thankful God heard my prayer (didn’t really ask actually—kind of told him what I wanted ). Jenna came away with no deficits—she went back to making her straight A’s and functioning just like she always did in the classroom. That was a huge blessing to all of us. We learned later that Jenna was an exception—not many are able to go back into the classroom without special assistance or academic plans.

I’m thankful we had 2 years and 9 months with her after her diagnosis and that she was in good health for most of that time. I’ve heard of children being diagnosed and they have less than 6 months after diagnosis. We learned to appreciate every minute we had we her. Just being with her was a blessing. She taught us all so many things.

I could go on and on but will stop here. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband, two beautiful girls, a fat cat, and a big old goofy dog……what more could there be? I am very thankful.

“Give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds” Psalm 107:21

Hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving.
Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

PS: Thanks again to all who donated to Curesearch and “Jenna’s Legacy of Smiles” team. We raised $2330 and the event as a whole raised over $100,000!!

Friday, November 14, 2008 9:41 AM CST

Thank you!! Just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who has donated to "Jenna's Legacy of Smiles" team. We have raised $2050.00 for Curesearch!!! We never expected to do this well since it was all so last minute for us. We kept having to raise our goal! The best part about this money is that it goes DIRECTLY to childhood cancer research. We need to find a cure!!

The weather is looking a little "iffy" for tomorrow morning. We may be walking in the rain...but it doesn't matter--a little rain won't hurt us and especially because it such a great cause. And Morgan will probably still have soccer games.....so we're gonna get wet one way or another. :-)

Thanks again to all who have supported us. I can't tell you how touched we are--we're blessed to have such great people in our lives. And it's even better to know that Jenna's Legacy of Smiles continues on.......

Will try and take some pictures from the walk and post later in the weekend.

PS: It's not to late to donate if you've been thinking about it--any amount helps!!!
http://host.curesearch.org/site/TR/Walk/General?team_id=4450&pg=team&fr_id=1160


Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Thursday, November 6, 2008 2:51 PM CST

Hello friends.
Just a quick update. We found out earlier this week that we will be able to participate in the Curesearch Milestones Walk on Nov. 15th. Morgan's soccer tournament schedule worked out perfectly!! This walk is to honor the memory of all those children who have been touched by childhood cancer and to pledge to help CureSearch achieve new scientific milestones in pediatric cancer research. We have formed a team in memory of Jenna and would appreciate any support you would like to give our team. You may donate online at this link. http://host.curesearch.org/site/TR/Walk/General?team_id=4450&pg=team&fr_id=1160
Or you can mail a check made payable to Curesearch to me. We need to receive by next Friday Nov. 14th.

It's very last minute but we are thrilled to be able to do this in Jenna's memory and to raise awareness and funds for childhood cancer. Thank you for any support you are able to provide to this wonderful cause!!

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 12:01 AM CDT

Hello.
I’ve been thinking about updating but haven’t really had anything to say lately. But then I got inspiration from someone today and came up with what I could say. The best way to describe what’s going on with us is this….”we just are”. We’re not up. We’re not down. We just are. Probably sounds totally weird but it fits our situation. Sometimes when Michael and I are talking about things and we don’t have the answers we need to feel better at that moment we just say “It is what it is” –sort of a dose of reality. So by saying “we just are” it’s the same type thing—we’re living our reality. Our reality is life without Jenna –don’t like it, don’t want it, don’t understand it….but we’re doing the best we can with it.
Our lives are still busy and full with Morgan. She brought home her report card yesterday and it had straight A’s. We’re very proud of her! Now she gets to choose a restaurant for a celebration dinner. No clue where we’ll end up—that’s the fun part—it’s her choice and we go along. I added a picture of her Halloween costume this year. She went to a party last weekend so we got a preview shot. She’s growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday she was dressed as a little chick and Jenna was a little pig. May have to see if I can scan a copy of that photo—it was one of my favorites.
Thanks for staying with us—keep checking back. I’m thinking about setting up a separate blog for documenting some of our everyday lives/celebrations/rants/vents. Will definitely keep this site up and running but wanted to have a separate place to write that doesn’t take away from what this site is about….our sweet wonderful Jenna and her memory.
Please keep praying for all of the families without their children and for the ones whose children are still fighting the fight. We’re also thankful for those who have beaten cancer and are now living life to the fullest—like our sweet Ellie. (and yes, I harass her mom all the time about updating Ellie’s site)
Enjoy this wonderful fall weather and don’t take for granted all the blessings you have!

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Wednesday, October 8, 2008 7:04 PM CDT

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the days can change when you've lost a child--even now at over 21 months out. I can be having a pretty good week and then for no obvious reason, the next day is one that just knocks you for a loop. I had one of those days on Tuesday. It was one of those days where I missed Jenna so much more than usual. It was the kind of day where your heart just hurts and there's not a thing to make it go away. I've learned to not try and fight it off--I just go with it and if it lasts for days then so be it. I figured I have sooo earned the right to be sad and to be down and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it!! It just reminds me how very much I love Jenna and I may do it for the rest of my life. It's not something people can fix and I don't even want people trying to make me feel better at these times. I think it's just part of the grief. I'm going to borrow/edit some thoughts of another mom who lost a daughter to cancer now..... I know that even though I'm having a down time, God is right there with me during that time....staying quietly beside me insuring my safety and my sanity! Waiting to pull me up (or carry me) and help me press on without our sweet girl. That's what we do. We push thru the circumstances, press on thru the pain, and pray continuously. (thanks Mel for your great words)

I guess that's about enough for tonight.....now you know what's happening here with me. Morgan is doing great. The soccer is getting some better. She's looking forward to a weekend with no soccer and an extra day out of school on Monday. Michael is busy with work (and some home improvement projects) and doing a little more traveling than usual. We're somewhat normal these days (or as normal as we can ever be)

Blessings to all.
Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Thursday, September 25, 2008 10:28 AM CDT

Thurs. 9/25/08
****Please note that several people have gotten "scam" emails that reference Jenna's caringbridge site--we have nothing to do with this and have notified caringbridge.******

Hello everyone.
I know some of you are ready for a regular update—one that doesn’t have me on my soapbox. (I’m still on my soapbox—it is still Childhood Cancer Awareness month—but I’m taking a brief break from it.)

I wish I could share what I did yesterday with all of you. My next big project is going to be converting all of our 8mm cassettes to DVD’s. We originally converted to videos but there isn’t a working VCR in the house—so I can’t go back and watch them whenever I get the urge. So anyway, yesterday my goal was to find all the 8mm cassettes and make sure they were labeled, etc. (they were all over the house) After I found them, I then had to rewind most of them. I didn’t sit and watch them start to finish….I would just rewind a little and watch for a minute or a few seconds. So I got to see little snippets of Jenna as a baby at Christmas, Jenna as a baby swinging in her swing, Jenna and Morgan dancing with friends, Morgan’s 3rd birthday party and lots of Chrismas shots thru the years of both girls. It was just really neat to go back in time to happy memories. It didn’t make me sad like I thought it might—it was just a sweet experience that filled my heart with warm fuzzies. Of course, it did make me miss Jenna--but that is a daily thing so it wasn't out of the ordinary I guess. I wish I had used our video camera more as the girls got older—I don’t have a lot of footage from the last few years of Jenna’s life. It is one regret that I have. So—my advice to everyone out there—use your video camera—even if your kids think it’s hokey or they’re too big for it. You’ll definitely appreciate it one day—and they will too.

I had mentioned a walk for CureSearch in one of my earlier posts. I found out that there is going to be a conflict for us to participate. Morgan has a big soccer tournament the same weekend. I am very bummed about it. I do have friends who will be walking and they would love to have you join their team or support them financially if you’re interested. If you’d like to form your own team here’s the link with details: http://host.curesearch.org/site/TR/Walk/General?fr_id=1160&pg=entry

Everything else continues to be somewhat routine here with us. Morgan has adjusted to middle school and seems to really enjoy it. Let’s just say there’s been less complaining about school as last year. I think she’s busier and more challenged—which is good in Morgan world. She’s still busy with soccer….but it’s been a challenging year so far for her team—it’s a new club with new players and different levels of skill. (there are only 3 players from last year’s team with her) I’ll just leave it at that. It’s been frustrating as a parent see Morgan lose some of her passion for the game because of her current situation. I just keep hoping “this too shall pass” and reminding her to stay positive.

Now—back to my September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month soapbox. I do have to give a high 5 to Chili’s restaurants for being involved. For years they have picked a day in September and donated proceeds from that day’s sales to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. This year it is being held on Sept. 29th. If you get a chance, have lunch or dinner at Chili’s next Monday. It’s a great cause—St. Jude’s does a lot of brain tumor research. We actually went to a surgeon there for a second opinion with Jenna back in 2005.

As always, thank you for your continued prayers, love & support. We do appreciate them more than we can ever say.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Friday, September 12, 2008 9:20 AM CDT

Just wanted to put up another message reminding everyone that tomorrow Sept. 13th is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day. Wear your gold ribbon to let everyone know.

I'm still on my soapbox --I've seen in print or heard that September is prostate cancer awareness month as well as ovarian cancer awareness month. Not a single reference to Childhood Cancer--I just don't get it. Why is this not plastered across TV and in the newspapers???

Today I'm adding some facts about childhood cancer that hit close to home.....these are pediatric brain tumor facts.

-Every day 9 children are diagnosed with a brain tumor.

-Brain tumors are the leading cause of childhood cancer death.

-76 percent of children diagnosed with a brain tumor are younger than 15.

-Pediatric brain tumors are different from those in adults and are often treated differently.

-The five-year survival rates for childhood brains tumors is 60 percent. Although some types of brain tumors only have a survival rate of below 20 percent.

-Because brain tumors are located at the control center for thought, emotion and movement, their effects on a child's physical and cognitive abilities can be devastating.

--Improving the outlook for children with brain tumors requires research into the causes of and better treatments for brain tumors.

We need funding and research........so people will stop losing their precious children to this disease.

And--for you Facebook fanatics--there is now a "Jenna's Legacy of Smiles" page--so you can become a fan. Technology is a great way to spread the word!!

Don't forget--
www.curesearch.org if you want to support research for childhood cancers.


Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Sunday, September 7, 2008 6:26 PM CDT

I am climbing on my soapbox...so look out.
September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Why is that fact not widely known???? Why doesn't it receive the same attention as breast cancer??? I went into a store last night and there was one whole section filled with pink things to promote breast cancer awareness--they even had pink tic tacs! And breast cancer awareness month is October! Don't get me wrong I have nothing against the breast cancer awareness and I know that it is one of the most fatal adult cancers (key word--"adult") But in my opinion, pediatric cancers deserve just as much attention. (maybe even more!!) The majority of government funding even goes to adult cancer research.

Just a few facts that the general public needs to know:

--Every day 46 children in this country will be diagnosed with cancer.

--Every 4 hrs a child will die from pediatric cancer.

--The average age of a child being diagnosed is 6, the average age for an adult is 66.

--Cancer is the number one cause of death by disease for our children.

--Pediatric cancer is cured 75f the time.

--Only about 20f adults with cancer show evidence that the disease has spread to distant sites on the body at diagnosis yet 80f children are diagnosed with advanced disease.

We need to find a cure and there's no better way than by raising awareness. This year September 13th has been designated as "National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day" This is the first time this has happened. The gold ribbon is the symbol for Childhood Cancer Awareness--go out and buy some gold ribbon and make yourself a ribbon to promote this cause--maybe someone will ask why you're wearing it and you can spread the word.

If you would like to make a donation to an organization that is funding pediatric cancer research, then I would recommend CureSearch. CureSearch unites the world's largest childhood cancer research organization, the Children's Oncology Group, and the National Childhood Cancer Foundation through their mission to cure childhood cancer. Research is the key to the cure. You can donate online at www.curesearch.org

Before I climb off my soapbox, I'm sharing a poem I found on another Caringbridge site--one of a little girl who is in the middle of the fight--and fighting like a real trooper.


I HOPE...

I hope you never have to hear the words, 'Your child has cancer.'

I hope you never have to hear, 'The prognosis is not good.'

I hope you never have to prepare your child to undergo radiation or chemotherapy, have a port surgically inserted into their chest, be connected to IV poles.

I hope you never have your child look at you with fear in their eyes and say, 'Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay' or 'Mommy am I going to die?'

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the 'cure' you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they

lose their hair,

become skeletal,

swell up from steroids,

develop severe acne,

become barely or unable to walk or move,

and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,

'It's going to be okay, Mommy.'

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months, or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, 'There is nothing more we can do.'

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to the table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred.

And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, 'It's going to be okay Mommy.'

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck beside you and hear them say, “Thank God that is over with”, because you know it never will be.

Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI's and you try to get your life back to 'normal'.

While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of those tests could result in hearing the dreaded words...

'The cancer has returned' or 'The tumor is growing.'

And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things...Because...only then...

Will you understand...

(author unknown)


What else can be said....

Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:50 AM CDT

Yesterday was August 27th…..1 year and 8 months since Jenna left us. It’s not like I highlight the date on the calendar—some months it hits me right in the face and other months it just passes by quietly. How have we managed to live our lives for 20 months without Jenna? It just doesn’t seem possible but it is so very real. I guess more real here in the month of August. It’s been a month filled with thoughts of what should have been happening and a month filled with emptiness knowing that things won’t happen like we think they should…..ever. A lot of people have sent their love and support and we do appreciate it—especially this month. I was talking with someone recently and told them that there are people who just don’t know how to approach us—it’s like they’re walking on eggshells around us. (afraid to say the wrong thing) I think this is totally normal for most people—it’s not like people have a lot of experience dealing with a family that has lost a child to cancer. So when they asked what we needed from people I just said “to know that people are still with us”. There are no magic words or deeds—for us it’s just having the feeling that people are still with us and are still remembering our Jenna—even now after 20 months.

Morgan is adjusting well to middle school. She likes all her classes and says the days seem to go faster. She was very nervous about starting middle school and definitely felt the absence of her big sister and the guidance Jenna could have given her. That was another hard part of this month.

So, we continue on this journey…..doing our best at our daily lives and knowing that Jenna is doing so much better than we are. Knowing she's in heaven and experiencing things that are beyond our imagination really does keep us going. And the fact that we will be with her again one day.

I was reminded of this verse this week:
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

I think that pretty much sums up our lives….different times, different emotions and you can experience each one on any given day. I think verse 4 is the one we hit the most. We do experience days of weeping and days of laughter--and for that we are thankful.

Hope everyone has a great long weekend. Thank you for being with us and for continuing to pray for our family.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Friday, August 15, 2008 11:48 AM CDT

Here it is—August. It’s a month that is kind of tough. It starts off with Jenna’s birthday and then moves to the start of school. Two of Jenna’s favorite things—celebrating her birthday and starting school. Her birthday was easier this year. We visited the cemetery after Morgan’s soccer camp and then went out to dinner at Outback. (it was one of Jenna’s favorites) Now we prepare for the start of school. Morgan will start middle school next Wed. She’s excited and she has a great group of teachers—several who taught Jenna as well.

Anyone who has ever had a caringbridge page or followed one knows how easy it is to find other sites and children with similar situations. A while back I found a site of a little girl who lost her battle with a brain tumor about a month after Jenna. This mother writes beautifully and just seems to say what I’m feeling. So, I am totally plagiarizing –I am literally cutting and pasting from one of latest entries—just changing the name. What she wrote was perfect so I thought I’d share here on our site....


“I've been watching Army Wives this season. I LOVE the show!! I have been enjoying watching how the characters in the show have dealt with grief (a couple on the show lost their daughter at the begin of the season). There was an interesting quote on the show recently. The husband and wife were talking... talking about all that had changed with the loss of their daughter. And the wife said, "Honey, Amanda's death changed our lives forever. I'm trying really hard not to let it shape our future too." Her husband responded, "I know, but I'm afraid it already has." I have to admit I'm a bit more with the husband on that one. I don't see how Jenna's death can have no affect on our future. Something as small as tossing a pebble in the lake sends out ripples... the waves that are caused by the death of a child are more like those that come from a hurricane. They do change what happens to our future. But, I can appreciate what the wife was saying. You've got to find the balance... it's going to shape your future, but you've got to claim some of that future too. You've got to accept yourself as you are now... forever changed because of a vast hole left in your home... and you've got to find a way to embrace life again. Some days it's easier than others. Morgan has definitely made it easier.

I recently told a friend that I didn't expect to be "over" it at this point, but that I was surprised at how very present it all still is. In talking with others who have lost children, I'm more convinced that it's something that takes a lifetime to process. I do think you learn to live with it... we already are learning and have come a long way... but I think you continue to process for all your life. That's ok, because we'll love her all our lives... so I guess it's only fitting.”


Those words are SO true of how we feel—especially now in the month of August. Jenna is just so “present” with us right now. It makes her absence so much more real—if that makes sense.

Please keep us all in your prayers as we go thru the start of school and all that brings with it. Please pray for all the moms & dads who are adjusting to the start of school without their children this year. And pray for those starting school—without a sibling and those adjusting to new schools, etc.

I’ve added a picture of Morgan in Jenna’s changed room. The loveseat finally arrived. The change went better than expected. I asked if she wanted to take the letters that spell Jenna off the wall and Morgan gave me a quick “no, I don’t want to do that”. So, we didn’t. We are following her lead on a lot of this. We still need a few things but so far it’s working out great.

Thanks again for all your love and support!

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Friday, August 8, 2008 6:46 AM CDT

Wanted to share this with everyone--this is definitely something I plan to participate in--I'll get more details and anyone who wants to be part of our team let me know.

Will do another update next week---I'm heading to beach with a bunch of ladies this weekend. :-)
Tricia


First-ever Charlotte “MileStones Walk” to Raise

Awareness and Funds for Childhood Cancer Research

Hundreds Touched by Cancer to Participate in November 15th Event

August 8, 2008 (Wilmington, DE) – CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation will host the first-ever Charlotte MileStones Walk on Saturday, November 15 at Freedom Park, to benefit lifesaving childhood cancer research conducted by the Children’s Oncology Group, the world’s premier pediatric cancer research collaborative. The Children’s Oncology Group treats more than 90 percent of children with cancer in North America.


The MileStones Walk for Childhood Cancer is a fundraising event that unites people in the fight to reach the day when every child with cancer can be guaranteed a cure. Directly or indirectly, nearly everyone knows a child or family who has been touched by childhood cancer, the #1 cause of death from disease in children. Every school day, another 46 children, about two classrooms of students, are diagnosed with cancer in the United States. MileStones walks emphasize fellowship and sense of community.


“We invite everyone in the Charlotte area to come out on November 15th and be part of the cure for childhood cancer,” said Sharon Sullivan, event chair.


“The loss of even one more child to cancer is one too many. The money we raise will go toward research that will end this disease. Fifty years ago, the cure rate for childhood cancer was less than 10now it is approaching 80But we will not stop until we get to 100and can guarantee every child with cancer the gift of a long and healthy life.”


Registration opens in Freedom Park at 9:00 am. Opening ceremonies and the walk begin promptly at 10:00 am.


For more information about the Charlotte MileStones Walk for Childhood Cancer, visit www.milestoneswalk.org, or contact Natalie Cole, National Events Manager, at (240) 235-2215 or Natalie.cole@curesearch.org.

If you want to form a team, join a team, or be a virtual walker (for those unable to attend in person) , please go to the website listed above or contact Natalie at CureSearch. This is a tremendous opportunity to get the whole community involved to raise funds and awareness. Let's rally around the kids and families who have faced or are now facing cancer! Thanks in advance.

Saturday, August 2, 2008 9:58 AM CDT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNA !!!!!!

We love you,
Mom, Dad & Morg

Saturday, July 26, 2008 8:02 AM CDT

First of all—there was some very big news for pediatric cancer research while we were gone. “The United States Senate passed the Conquer Childhood Cancer Act, which promises to significantly increase federal investment into childhood cancer research.
The bill, first introduced in the Senate by Senators Jack Reed (D-RI) and Norm Coleman (R-MN), passed by unanimous consent, echoing a similar 416-0 vote June 12th in the U.S. House of Representatives. Senator Ron Wyden (D-OR) requested, and received, this unanimous consent on the Senate floor. Having passed both the House of Representatives and the Senate unanimously, the bill now heads to the White House, where President Bush is expected to sign it into law.
The bill authorizes $30 million annually over five years, providing funding for collaborative pediatric cancer clinical trials research, to create a population-based national childhood cancer database, and to further improve public awareness and communication regarding available treatment and research for children with cancer and their families.” Great news!! We need to stop this disease from taking our children.

I feel weird writing about our trip to London here on Jenna’s site. This site was about her—not our family but I guess throughout the years we’ve covered pretty much everything here. And of course there’s the ever present feeling of “I should be writing about Jenna. She should still be here.” Don’t think that will ever go away.
We did have a great trip to London and a day spent in Paris (went via train at 180mph). We covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time. We walked more than I’ve ever walked on a “vacation” and climbed lots and lots of steps. Here’s just a sample of the places we visited/passed (didn’t go inside everything): Big Ben, Parliament, Westminster Abbey, St. Paul’s Cathedral, Tower of London, Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle, Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, Champs-Elysees, the Louvre, Notre Dame…..and I can’t think of anything else. (Michael's still asleep or I'd pick his brain :-)) I’m sure there’s more but I think you get the idea that we did a lot of stuff. (check back for pictures) Climbing the Eiffel Tower was the most surreal moment for me—just one of those things that I never expected to do in my life. (did I mention there were over 650 steps to climb???) My “Jenna moments” came in the churches— seeing the areas for the prayer candles brought back memories from when she had just been admitted to the hospital in March 2004. My friend Edith went on a trip to Germany several days after Jenna’s diagnosis/surgery and when she got back she told me that she prayed for Jenna in every church and would light a candle for her and I remember how special that was to us. Again, it was a great trip--a once in a lifetime sort of thing and I feel thankful to have been able to experience everything.
So, we’re back at home doing our normal thing. My brother and his family will be here for a few days so we’re excited about spending time with them. Morgan loves hanging with her only cousin Nicole.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers—we’ve got a tough week coming up. Jenna’s birthday is a week from today. We know her heavenly birthday is way better than anything here on earth but it doesn’t make us miss her any less.

Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan.

Friday, July 11, 2008 7:06 AM CDT

Wednesday--July 23rd
Friends-
Have arrived back from England. Had a wonderful trip but now have a big case of jetlag! Will update more later and show a couple pictures when Michael returns (he's still there working)
Thanks for all the prayers!
Tricia



Hello,
Once again I've had one of those "that's what I needed" experiences. I've still been struggling with what to do with myself--finding a part time job, finding something to keep me & my mind busy, finding something that feels right in a world without Jenna. Yesterday I opened this small devotional book called "Grace for the Moment". The title was "The Purpose of Life" and the verse was "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." Matthew 22:37 I'll copy/paraphrase what was written....
"Dig deep enough in every heart and you'll find it: a longing for meaning, a quest for purpose.....Some search for meaning in a career. They opt to be a human "doing" rather than a human "being". Who they are is what they do; consequently they do a lot. They work many hours because if they don't work, they don't have any identity. For others who they are is what they have. They find meaning in a new car or a new house or new clothes....they are always seeking meaning in something they own...some try sports entertainment, etc you name it.
All are mirages in the desert of purpose.........Shouldn't we face the truth? If we don't acknowledge God, we are....nothing". It was what I needed for right now....helped put things in a better perspective.

Morgan returned from the beach--she had a great time with Nana Brenda. But of course the "I'm bored" days have returned. It won't be long until she's busy again.....Nana Betty & PawPaw Pete will be here next week. They'll be staying with Morgan (Wilson & Bunko too) while Michael and I head to London! It's a work trip for him and I am tagging along. It's somewhere we've never been so it should be a lot of fun. We plan on doing all the touristy stuff. We would appreciate prayers for save travels.

Thank you for checking on us and please continue to keep us in your prayers....that's something we always need. I think a lot of people assume that after 1 1/2 years without Jenna that we should be fine and doing well and so they move on. For the most part we are doing ok--but losing a child impacts a family every day and some of the harder days come after the first year (in my expert opinion) so prayers are still needed for our family and for all the families that have lost loved ones.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Monday, June 30, 2008 4:15 PM CDT

Hello.
It is very quiet around the house. Morgan's gone to the beach for the week so it's just me and Michael. It's even more quiet when he's at work. I have been keeping busy but there are still the times when it gets quiet and I think about our sweet Jenna. It's hard to believe it's been 18 months since she was here with us. What I wouldn't give for one more hug, one more smile and even more eye rolling. I was just thinking last year at this time we were still adjusting to her absence and then 2 years ago around this time we'd been told our options were running out.....there was no medical cure for Jenna. Still remember that converstaion very clearly. God had a plan....and he still does...we just don't always know or understand what it is. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11 Even though we don't understand....we do know we have a future with Jenna in heaven.

I have been reading some really good books that I would recommend to everyone. The first is "The Shack" by William P. Young--it's fiction but really hits home on a lot of things. (the front cover says a lot too--"Where tragedy confronts eternity") And the other is "Hope's Wish" by Stuart & Shelby Stout. It's a story by a local family that describes their daughters battle with cancer. It was hard to read because it hit on a lot of the emotions we experienced--but I'm so glad I finally read it. (I did have to work up my nerve to start it :-)

Well, I'm off to dinner and a movie with some friends--see I am keeping busy! Have a great week and enjoy the 4th and all it stands for. We are a blessed nation!
Thank you for being with us on this continuing journey.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan(the beach bum)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008 7:06 AM CDT

Good morning.
Some people think when one of us is having a "Jenna day" that it's a bad day. It's not at all that way. Yes, some of the days are harder than others but not always. Jenna Days.......it's a day when she's more present in our minds than on an average day. It's days when we miss her more than normal. You never know when or where they will happen or what will trigger them. Somehow these days are comforting (I know that sounds weird)....we still feel she's a part of us...we feel closer to her....helps our hearts I guess when we need it. This week we've had Jenna days because a sweet little boy named Alex lost his battle with cancer and is now in heaven. Boy, do we remember what it was like when we first lost Jenna....and oh how we hurt for this family. Please pray for the Hopkins family as they adjust to living their lives without Alex. (www.caringbridge.org/visit/alexhopkins)

Morgan has returned from soccer camp at USC and is catching up on her rest. She's pretty low key for the next couple weeks until she heads to the beach with Nana Brenda. She's growing up so fast--I was just looking at the pictures I loaded today. These have never been on this site...I just recently received them digitally. (they're all over the house so I see them on a daily basis)They were taken in May 2005--Morgan has changed so much. We all have I guess.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support. We are forever grateful and thankful for all of you who come here to this site to remember Jenna and to keep up with our family.

Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Tuesday, June 3, 2008 12:32 AM CDT

Hello everyone.
We're still here--plugging along. It's a busy time of year with lots of year end school activities for Morgan. It's also a time of really missing Jenna. Morgan and I both had a "Jenna day" last week on the same day--that doesn't usually happen. Even though it's been a year and a half--you just never know when those hard days will pop up. Maybe all the activities are triggering them... I have so many memories of Jenna finishing up her 5th grade year and being so excited about 6th grade. So many of the things Morgan is doing are the same things Jenna did too. And then there is the upcoming 8th grade graduation--knowing that Jenna should be there too. Yes, she's so much better off in heaven but our human nature wants her here with us doing the normal things that she should be doing. I guess we're in the "wonder" years--wondering what she would be doing, how she'd be dressing, how she'd be acting and all the usual things that go along with girls this age. Of course we wonder about her time in heaven too.....knowing it is beyond anything we can imagine. I just picture Jenna's face smiling and those beautiful blue eyes and she's surrounded by the most brilliant light and she's happy and peaceful. Just my little mental picture that helps keep me going.
Morgan will finish school on Thursday and then have a little time off before heading out for soccer camp. She'll be gone for 3 nights and she's really looking forward to it. That means it will be really quiet here--something that rarely happens.

We appreciate all of you who come here regularly to check on us and we always feel encouraged and lifted up by your posts in the guestbook. This site continues to be a blessing to us. I think it is one of the ways that Jenna's legacy continues......and for now that will keep the posts coming.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Wednesday, May 21, 2008 10:35pmCDT

By popular demand - we have posted copies of Jenna's song, In My Perfect Place, on the web. Please go to http://www.spoonfamily.com to download. Special thanks to our friend Sherri for recording it for us!

************************************
Good Morning--
There was a great story about the FMMS band and Jenna's song in the paper this weekend. Here's the link:
http://www.heraldonline.com/109/story/566783.html

*************************************

Hello.
I don't even know how to describe this. It is so neat and so special and just so unbelievable.

We were invited to the Fort Mill Middle School spring band concert last night. The 8th grade band commissioned a composer to write a piece of music for the band in memory of Jenna.
The title of the piece is "...in my perfect place". This was a line from the "Space" poem that Jenna wrote in the fall of 2005. The composer came to the school and met with the staff and the students and then composed the piece. It was absolutely beautiful (and other people thought the same thing --not just us) Mrs. Hamlin read Jenna's poem as the band started playing.....just breathtaking (and totally got the tears flowing). We were all so touched that they would do this for Jenna....and to help continue her legacy of love (as they said last night). The piece will be published and other bands will be able to play it too. I think this was the best Mother's Day present I could have gotten. I've just had the best feeling since we heard the piece last night--I just can't describe it. I really wish I could put words to the feeling.

Thought I'd show the poem too. I think I've shown it before but can't remember.

Space
Dark and starry sky
It stretches as far as the eye can see
There’s no one around to nag me
It’s just me and space
The clear night sky is infinite
I can float peacefully
R
A
C
E the comets
Dance with the stars
Do whatever I please
For I am in my perfect place


Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Monday May 5, 2008 10:46 PM CDT

**Just a quick prayer request**
Please pray for my family as we prepare to attend the funeral of my grandmother.(my dad's mom). She was 93 years old and lived a full life, was in relatively good health until recently, and is definitely walking the streets of gold now. So while it is a sad time, we rejoice that she is in heaven....and we know she had quite the welcoming into heaven--including a smiling great granddaughter.
**************


Hello everyone.
We've all been doing well. Keeping very busy with all the usual activities, etc. This is Morgan's last weekend of soccer. She has two games in Columbia on Sat. and that finishes the season. I think she's ready for a little down time.

I've been doing a lot of sorting/organizing with pictures lately. I seem to have packs of pictures in lots of places--so I got my Creative Memories Photo Sort box and I'm putting them in chronological order. It's a start until I get really motivated to scrapbook. I am so thankful for all of the pictures we do have. It's funny how I now catagorize them as "before cancer, during cancer, and the obvious after photos". I get such joy from looking at the pictures and remembering the situation--what we were doing or saying, etc. The one thing that I constantly see is Jenna's smile and the sparkle in her eyes. Even in the pictures where she's so big from the steroids--that smile and sparkle are there. That's the one thing cancer never changed. As I was writing this about her smile, I thought about the day the neurosurgeon told us after her first surgery that she WAS going to have right side facial weakness. He explained that it would affect her eye, her cheek and her mouth. I can remember thinking to myself "not her smile--God, please don't let this happen". Well, we all know the power of prayer. Miss Jenna never had any of those things!! Michael was with Jenna when the neurosurgeon came in and saw her smile her great big smile and he was surprised --but in a good way. He commented how he liked coming into Jenna's room because there was always something good happening.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17

Jenna was a "good and perfect gift from above". We were so blessed to have her for 12 years.

Thanks for staying with us on this journey. We do appreciate all the love, support and prayers.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Thursday, April 10, 2008 10:16 AM CDT

Hello.
Thought I’d do a quick update. We’ve been enjoying spring break. And the best part is that we haven’t done anything…yet. With all the travel we do for soccer, it’s kind of nice to be home and be able to do nothing. Morgan really likes sleeping late. We are heading out tomorrow for a quick trip to DuPont State Forest----no camping of course just hiking and enjoying some of the waterfalls, etc.

Several people have asked us about Jenna’s room. We still haven’t accomplished anything in her room. We were all ready to order the furniture and it was “unavailable” and now it’s completely gone from the website. We’re back to the drawing board and trying to find the right thing at a reasonable price. So, it will be a while before Morgan has her own “rec room”. We’re in no rush….when it happens, it happens.

Morgan had career day at school last week. She dressed as a Child Life Specialist. She took all of her “medical play” equipment too. She said there was only 1 person in her class who knew what a Child Life Specialist did. What a great impact all our wonderful Child Life friends have made!

I’m slowly but surely getting my resume put together for the job hunt. I was talking with some other moms who have lost children and we were all saying that there’s no place on a resume to truly show the skills we have and what we’ve survived. I mean, where’s the spot that shows that I can change a hickman dressing, flush a line, operate an IV pump, administer medications, manage a multitude of appointments, negotiate with insurance companies, etc. The list could just go on and on but I won’t go off on a tangent today. Please pray the right doors open for me. (and that I’ll be motivated to find a job---it seems to be lacking even though I know it’s what I need to do especially for my mental health)
Thanks for checking on us and for your continued prayers. Please keep all the parents who have lost children to cancer in your prayers…..and the ones who are still in the fight too. I can’t tell you how much it means to all of us.
Love & still missing our girl....
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Felt like sharing the verse from the “Pray for Jenna” t-shirts today…..

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” Romans 12:12

Thursday, March 27, 2008 10:58 AM CDT

Here it is again. March 27th. It was 4 years ago today that we found out about Jenna’s brain tumor. It seems so long ago and yet at the same time it seems like just last week. I have such vivid memories of those first few days. Our world was turned upside down (and shaken) and it’s not something that can be forgotten. We went from the words “Jenna has a tumor the size of a golf ball near her brain stem” to “we will be operating on Monday to remove the tumor” and then the words “we have to do emergency surgery to save your child” and of course the words “it is cancer”. Talk about turning your world upside down. It’s still hard to process even when you think about it now. But I can also look back over the past 4 years and see SO many blessings. Would I change it all? Yes, in a second! But I can’t so I try and remember the blessings and good things. I think from the very beginning Jenna and our whole family was held in the palm of God’s hand and the right people were put in our path to help us the most. We had the best doctors, the best nurses, the best Child Life, the best support system of family & friends, the best jobs & co-workers, the best schools….I could just go on and on. We have been blessed with unbelievable love and support from so many different areas. It is something that will also never be forgotten. So, for those of you who have been with us from the beginning when we first started this site to those who have joined us along the way…we say “Thank you” for being with us, supporting, loving and praying for Jenna and our family. This site has been another blessing over the past 4 years. We would be in the hospital at the very start of this journey and we would check this site and there were so many encouraging words and support—I think it helped carry us thru those days. We knew we weren’t alone—we had help from all around….people praying for a little girl named Jenna because someone forwarded them an email with this site.

We still miss our sweet Jenna and think of her every single day. So many thoughts and wonderings about what she would have been doing now if she were still here with us. But she’s somewhere so much better than where we are. She’s in heaven and it is so wonderful—there’s no brain tumors, no cancer, no suffering—none of the things that bring the rest of us down. I can just picture her happy and smiling and running thru heaven. I can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it truly is though.

Now back to life here. We had a good Easter and enjoyed lunch with Nana and Pop. Morgan and her dad have had their stale Peeps and they’re very happy. Morgan is getting so tall and growing up so fast. Report cards come out tomorrow—it should be good with no big surprises. She’s winding down with soccer—only 3 more weekends with games over the next month. Since things are slow (ha), she’s going to try playing volleyball. She starts practice this Friday night so we’ll see how that goes. She thinks she might like it—so it’s worth a try anyway.
I’ll close with these words that I friend read somewhere and passed along to me. She knew I would appreciate them. “Time does not heal. It is what you do with your time that helps you heal.”

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Sunday, March 16, 2008 6:35 PM CDT

Hello everyone
I had just typed an update and I accidentally lost it all. UGH! So you'll be getting an abbreviated version now.
We're all doing ok here. We just continue to do what we do best--take life one day at a time without Jenna.

Today was a beautiful day filled with sunshine. We had terrible storms here yesterday so it was nice to wake up to the sunshine. The sunshine always reminds me of Jenna's smile---it just brightened the days. It's still one of the things we all miss the most.

We're getting ready for Easter--having trouble believing it's so early this year. It is the one holiday that brings renewed hope to our family. Easter reminds us that we will be with Jenna again in heaven for eternity.

Enjoy the week and get out in the sunshine if you can and think of our sweet Jenna's smile. It's guaranteed to make you feel good! Thank you for your prayers for our family. We continue to need them and greatly appreciate them.

Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14: 1-4

Tuesday, February 26, 2008 9:48 AM CST

It is still surprising to me the things that can generate a “Jenna moment” or a “Jenna day”. A song—“I Can Only Imagine” can still bring tears or even happiness depending on the day. The song “Bring the Rain” by MercyMe can get me too. And speaking of rain….boy, are rainy days hard. As a friend once said—“on rainy days it’s hard to stay vertical”. Rainy days make you want to climb in the bed and hide from the world. Seems like we’ve had a lot of them lately. Then there are sunny days with beautiful sunrises or sunsets. Pink and purple skies at sunset are always good for a “Jenna moment”. Dates and times can also get you. It was weird. Just this morning, I had taken Morgan to school and was a home having breakfast when I looked at the clock and thought “this is when I should be taking Jenna to school”. I haven’t thought that in a while….you just never know when the moments will happen. I had a few tears and then I thought about how much Jenna loved going to school and being with her friends. That was the one constant “normal” in her life after she was diagnosed. Normal is good………..we are adjusting and adapting to our new normal. It’s all you can do. I have been struggling with finding my personal “new normal”. I have felt very restless and struggling with what to do with myself…it’s really hard to explain. I think it’s time to go back to work but the hard part is “what do I want to do?” I feel a need to do something “that really matters”. (and according to the books this is completely normal---see I can be normal Ha Ha). My main job for three years was taking care of Jenna. (and Morgan too—and Michael was doing it too—don’t want to sound like I did it alone because it was a team effort that included all of us and our family). Anyway, how do you find a job that compares to that? So that is the dilemma I face. Please pray that the doors will open and I will know exactly where I should be. And as we were reminded at church on Sunday…. God is in control. He alone has the perfect plan. And no, we don’t understand it—but it is for the sole purpose of bringing glory to Him. (Ever felt like they were talking just to you? This one really got me—seemed to be what I needed to hear)

Our trip to AZ….let’s just say it was an adventure. There were late planes, running thru the airport, delayed luggage, weather just like ours (yes, there was even rain), sick relatives, skiing in 28 degree weather with high winds, Morgan getting air sick (not new experience but she had taken Dramamine and still got sick)…….BUT our sense of humor prevailed and it was a great visit with family and a fun trip.

Mostly everything else is routine for now. Thank you for checking on us, posting encouraging words/letting us know you’re praying, and mostly for staying with us on this journey. We are truly blessed by this site.
Also—Happy Birthday, a little early, to Miss Ellie. I can’t believe our little Ellie is going to be 5 this week. She’s growing up so fast.
Have a good week.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

Tuesday, February 12, 2008 10:34 AM CST

Hello.
Having trouble coming up with the words to write today. Feel like I need to update but just nothing new to write about. So if I ramble forgive me. Surviving a year without Jenna hasn't changed our circumstances.....we've reached the point now where we think "we made it thru the first year.....now what do we do?" We're in the "now what?" mode I guess. We continue to experience teary days, heart hurting days, and happy/joyful days. It's not all sad....we do function relatively normal on most days. We just feel the absence always. I find that little things will "set me off" these days and the tears will well up in my eyes. I have a really hard time with people who get caught up in the little things (especially situations with their kids).....things that don't really matter but they will spend so much energy complaining and grumbling about. I just want to shake them and tell them to be thankful for what they've got.....they just don't realize like we do. Every day is a gift from God and we all need to be thankful for what we have. I am still thankful for the gift of Jenna....she taught us all so much in her 12 years....and continues to teach us even now.

Life continues to be busy. We survived Morgan's birthday and all the festivities --which seem to be never ending. :-) Soccer season is in full swing for Morgan so that's keeping us busy on the weekends and 2 nights a week for practice. The girls (me, Morgan and my mom) are headed to AZ for quick visit this weekend. We're flying out late tomorrow afternoon. It will be nice to spend time with my brother's family and have a little get away. Michael is looking forward to being home alone too. (he just hasn't seen the "honey-do" list yet :-)

Please continue to keep us all in your prayers. It's something we need on a daily basis. Thank you to all of our faithful prayer warriors. We are very appreciative of your support and we can't say it enough.

Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

"Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds.." Psalm 107:21

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 10:27 AM CST

Hello.
It is still surprising to me what a date can do to you even when you're not consciously thinking about it. On Sunday, I simply wrote the date 1/27/08 and all these emotions/thoughts just hit me. I thought "it's been 13 months since Jenna was with us....over 1 year without her.....how are we doing this?" It also brought up a lot of memories from last year at this time. We were so utterly numb and clueless to what we had in store for ourselves over the next year. I think the 13th month hit home harder than the first month....the first three months we were so numb and just going thru the motions. And now after a year without Jenna we know just how hard the rest of our lives will be. I recently read a chapter(wasn't up for the whole book) in a book called "The Worst Loss, How Families Heal from the Death of a Child" Some words hit me and the timing of reading them was good or what I needed for that moment in time. It said "Your grieving will take longer than you or anyone around you expected. Your loss will be with you every day, casting a shadow on all that you do. Your life, and those of your children, has been permanently altered. Nothing will ever be the same." That says it all...it's something we are learning and those around us need to know/be reminded of occasionally. As always, the bottom line is that we just plain miss our sweet Jenna.

As we continue on with our lives......there's a celebration coming to our house soon. Miss Morgan will be 11 years old on Feb. 4th. How can my baby girl be that old?? We will be celebrating with the grandparents this weekend. We've decided to create a "rec room" for Morgan as part of her birthday. We're going to gradually make some changes in Jenna's room and it will become Morgan's rec room. If any of you ever get Pottery Barn Teen.....that's the look Morgan has in mind. We talked about it and decided that Jenna would be ok with that--she'd want a room like that. (and her room is currently decorated using Pottery Barn bedding)

We're still amazed at how many people visit Jenna's site --the counter on this page just keeps going up. I come here myself just to look at her sweet smile. Thank you for being with us on this continuing journey. We can't say it enough....we appreciate your love, prayers and support.

Love,
Tricia, Michael and Morgan

Almost forgot....check out this link. It is great. http://s224403325.onlinehome.us/dashpoemmovie/

Tuesday, January 15, 2008 9:06 AM CST

Hello.
We're still here. Just haven't had much to write about these days. (or at least nothing to write about that isn't repetitive) Things are still the same with us. We get up each morning and we go thru the day....we do what we have to do. But during the day, the thoughts of Jenna are never far away. We miss her every day. It's just the way it is for us.

We continue to stay busy with activities of our own and of course Morgan's activities. She currently has soccer practice and/or conditioning for soccer four nights a week. And this weekend we will be heading to Savannah for a pre-season tournament. It's going to be girls only --Michael has a golf trip for this weekend. Morgan also has a few no school days coming up. It's half a day this Thurs. and no school on Fri or Mon. It helps with the travel and having a little "down time" after the soccer weekend.

Your visits here and comments are very appreciated. We still feel the prayers that many of you offer on our behalf daily or weekly. I just can't imagine what our lives would be like without all the prayer support we've received. I don't think it would be very good. Please continue to pray for all the families that have lost children to cancer and for those precious ones still fighting the fight.

Love,
Tricia, Michael, & Morgan

Tuesday, January 1, 2008 12:37 AM CST

Well, here it is --2008. It is so hard to believe that it has been a whole year since Jenna left us. It's hard to let go of last year--the new year takes us further away from when Jenna was here with us. A year since we held her, a year since we saw her smile, a year since she went to school with her friends, a year since she rolled her eyes at us, a year since she fought her cancer with grace and dignity, a year since she went to heaven. There are so many things that we miss. We did survive the year of "firsts". I don't think that's going to make the next year any better personally--I think we'll still miss Jenna just as much this year as last year. Losing a child doesn't compare to any other loss in my opinion....you never get over it. The parents and family that loses a child do not ever go back to the life they once knew. You just learn to adapt to the new life you have and make the most of it--never taking a single thing for granted. Cancer will definitely teach you that. Our ministers sermon was based on Psalm 103 this past Sunday--it really hit home with me and reminded me of the things we've learned and experinced this past year as we were all held in the palm of God's hand. We have had great benefits--some people will read that and not understand but we know that Jenna is better off-she received her heavenly healing (as hard as it is not to have her here with us) and we know our family has been blessed beyond belief because of the love people showed Jenna and our family. Words are just not adequate to explain it.

I hope everyone who comes here and keeps track of our family will have a wonderful 2008 and may you have joy, good health, laughter and wonderful memories.
Love,
Tricia, Michael & Morgan

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