History

Journal History

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Sunday, March 1, 2009 12:24 AM CST

Just a little update:

Amy's mom and dad:

Doing great. They miss Amy constantly but have many reminders surrounding them letting them know that Amy's spirit is alive and well. They have been doing some traveling over the past couple of years. They went to New York and recently California to see the Rose Bowl parade. They have taken yearly vacations to Florida with Denise and her family including another Disney cruise which brought back fond memories of the Make a Wish cruise taken with Amy. We can't wait to go back this year.(We are all getting really tired of the cold!!!)

Amy's mom continues to do daycare. I think she's been doing it for 35+ years now. I'm impressed!

Amy's dad continues his journey of never missing a day of work for over 40+ years. I'm impressed with that too considering he was Amy's main transportation back and forth from endless doctor appointments!

Andy(Amy's brother):

Andy, Michele, and Dylan, now 5 years old, have added to their family. Mason just turned 1 at the end of February. They enjoy spending time at their lake property during the warmer months of the year and I imagine can't wait for it to warm up during the cold months so they can get back to the lake.

Denise(Amy's sister):

Denise and Dick spend their time following their kids enless activities. Brittany is 18 years old, a senior in high school and very much looking forward to going to college. She has decided she would like to become a nurse and work with children. Brandon is 15 years old, a sophmore in high school, has his drivers permit and continues to be passionate about sports. He plays football, basketball and baseball.

Hope everyone is well and remember to "Never Give Up!"

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's family

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 1:14 PM CDT

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Dear Amy! Happy Birthday to you! Today you would have turned 23. Amazing! We will love you forever and ever!

Friday, July 4, 2008 11:38 AM CDT

Happy 4th of July!!!!!

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my sister, Amy. We continue to miss her everyday. I love to pick up her book, "Fighting for my Life," and read some of her inspirational messages to help remind myself to enjoy each and every day and to live life to the fullest.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Denise

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 5:52 PM CST

Hello,

I spent the last hour writing a new journal entry only to have it somehow delete on me. Once again, I'm going to guess that it wasn't good enough for Amy. I think she probably thought the entry was too depressing. It's that time of the year where I relive the last week of Amy's life day by day. November 29th is the anniversary. It's been 3 years...... She would be 22, in nursing school, probably have a cute boyfriend, and she would be living each day to the fullest.

Amy's book is amazing and continues to inspire many people. If you haven't read it, you need to, and when your're done, pass it along and let it inspire someone else. My goal for her book is to see it in hospital, school and public libraries. If you're looking for a good cause, donate one of Amy's books to a library near you so that others may be inspired by her enthusiasm for life. Her book: Fighting For My Life by Amy M Mareck can be purchased at Barnes and Noble stores, fairviewpress.org and at childrenscancer.org, etc.

Remember to live Amy's Motto: No Regrets and Never Give Up!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 5:20 PM CST

Wednesday, April 4, 2007 2:26 PM CDT

Hi to all!

Amy's book is out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can find it at www.childrenscancer.org.

The publisher was kind enough to send me a copy of Amy's book so that I could surprise Amy's Mom and Dad with her book when we took our family vacation to Florida(Amy's Happy Place). We went on the Disney Cruise and then spent a week in Florida. I had the book waiting in their stateroom on the ship so that when they came back from dinner they would have the evening to read and reflect. Amy's parents finished reading her book on the cruise which was a difficult but proud time for them. Personally, I devoured the book the moment I received it in the mail. I am so incredibly proud of my sister's accomplishment. She did a fabulous job.

Many thanks to Jodi Graubard who inspired Amy to write a book.

Many thanks to Susie Lott who was insturmental in so many ways during the book process. Because of her Amy's book is that much more incredible. Thank You!

Thank you to Fairview Press Publishing Company for taking a chance on Amy's book.

Thanks to all of Amy's caringbridge family. You were her lifeline and she counted on you each and every day.

Thanks to Amy's family and friends inside and outside the hospital, you were devoted to her and she was devoted to you.

Thanks to everyone else who was a part of Amy's journey, her journey wouldn't have been the same without you.

I also want to thank all of you for allowing me to continue Amy's journey for the past 2 1/2 years so that I could share with you our journey of healing. The saying is true, "Time heals everything." It was my goal and my intention to continue Amy's caringbridge page until her book was published. Now that that goal is accomplished it is time to let this caringbridge page go. I will probably continue on for the next couple of months in case Amy's caringbridge family wants to share their thoughts on Amy's book. I am anxious to hear your thoughts so please share.

Amy's words of wisdom:

This is a quote from Amy's book:

"Whenever I wald down the hospital halls, I am reminded that each room has its own story, its own unique miracles, and a fight like no one else's"
-Amy Mareck

Monday, February 26, 2007 6:10 PM CST

Hello to all,

Please check out the Book Cover. I put it in Amy's photo album. I tried to get it on her home page but couldn't get it figured out.

The title of Amy's book is Fighting for My Life: Growing Up With Cancer

Spread the word. APRIL 28th!!!!!!!!!!! Amy's book will be available for purchase on April 28th!! I'm not sure of all the places that it will be available for purchase but I have seen it on the Barnes & Noble website and on Amazon.com. Can you believe it. We have waited so long. It has been 2 1/2 years. I promise it will be well worth the wait. The people involved in putting Amy's book together cannot wait to share it with all of you. I'm sure Amy, up in heaven, can't wait to share it with you. I don't know what else to say other than I am very excited. I can't wait to read it myself. Amy's parents are the proud parents of an author. Amy M. Mareck is an author. WOW! Congratulations Amy!!!

As exciting as all this news is about Amy's book, we are very sad about the passing of a very good hospital friend of Amy's. Laura Jahnke passed away after fighting a 5 1/2 year battle of her own. Her love of life will be missed by many. Our thoughts and prayers are with her family at this time of saddness.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Be willing to listen, be willing to feel fear, be willing to trust. Don't be afraid to tell someone how you feel, be willing to have faith in them as a human being. Allow yourself to ask for help when you need it and be willing to accept help from others, even when you think you don't need it. Take comfort in other people. Because of my diagnosis I had to be willing to make adjustments in my life, even though I didn't want to. I had to be willing to.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Friday, January 26, 2007 7:02 PM CST

Hi everyone,

APRIL, APRIL, APRIL, APRIL, APRIL, APRIL, APRIL, APRIL!!!!!!!!!

The target month for Amy's book continues to be April. I can't hold anyone to it but that still seems to be the word out there. Can you believe its been 2 1/2 years, almost. We've handed off some pictures and we are waiting on some miscellaneous things that need to be finished. I hope Amy knows that soon one of her final dreams will come true; the publication of her book. It will inspire people for years to come. I would like to thank an unnamed person who works for an organization called Care Partners who continues to be the leading force in helping Amy's final dream come true. Thank you! You know who you are.

Care Partners is an organization that is made up of a group of volunteers who give their gift of time, energy, caring and compassionate support to sick children and their families. It is always important to remember that Childhood cancer not only affects the children but it affects the entire family.

Amy's mom and dad continue to stay busy. Amy's mom is busy doing daycare. something she's done for 35+ years and is incredible at her job. Amy's dad has been working at his job for over 35+ years and has has never missed a day of work, even when Amy was battling cancer. Amazing! Not many of us could achieve something like that. Grandma and Grandpa like spending time with the grandchildren. Grandma loves playing games with the grandkids. Sometimes its harder to get Grandpa to play. They did find a game that Grandpa actual likes playing and its called Apples to Apples. Everyone loves that game. If you haven't played it, try it sometime.

Amy's words of wisdom:

I don't know what made me start thinking about this today but I thought things could always be worse. I mean having cancer is bad but it could be worse. I mean look at all the things I can do and there's people that can't do it. It could always be worse, so I am thankful for what I do have. In a way this is going to sound strange but I wouldn't change me having cancer. I know that sounds like, what is she talking about but I mean I have learned so much. I would rather have it be done and over with and I would have already won this fight but if this is the way it has to be than so be it. I have learned so much about myself, my limits, how to keep a positive attitude, and how not to take things for granted. I have met so many people that I would have never met before. It makes me a more understanding and caring person. I have learned to take things a day at a time and not a week at a time, to look at all the small things in life, to take the bad things with a grain of salt and move on. So of course cancer is not a good thing to have but yet I wouldn't take it back. So for all the bad things that cancer brings it always brings some good points and you have to take those good points and make the best of them.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Tuesday, December 26, 2006 7:55 PM CST

Hi everyone,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you. The Mareck Family hopes that everyone is having a safe and happy holiday season!

This has been the best Christmas since Amy's passing. Amy is always remembered but the mood was better than in the past. We can look back upon those memories of Amy without being overwelmed with sorrow. The happy memories are happy now. Time heals. Christmas was one of Amy's favorite times of the year. The thing she liked most was giving. She loved giving presents to others. She used to bring presents to the children up on 5B at Fairview University.

Amy's Mom and Dad have finally let go of the white Grand Prix car that Amy always used to drive. They had a really hard time with that but it was time. That car made many, many trips back and forth to Fairview University Children's Hospital or more fondly remembered as the Fairview Inn. That is what Amy always used to call it. I think that car was more Amy's car than her parents. It had a few memories like when Amy drove over a sign at school with it. How it wouldn't start when she was at Fairview and had to call her brother. How the front window had a crack in it and she didn't know where it came from. I'm sure there's a few more stories that I'm not remembering.

Amy would want me to congratulate our only cousin on our Dads side of the family on the birth of their fist child, so, Congratulations Jeff and Michelle on your precious little girl, Ava Rose.

At this time I ask all of you to continue to keep Laura Jahnke in your thoughts and prayers. She continues to fight her battle and needs us all. Check her website at www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke. Laura and her family were very, very special to Amy.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Live each day out for all the kids who have died from cancer who didn't get the chance to live out all their days.

Never Ever, Ever Give Up!

Enjoy each day as it is a gift.

Life keeps moving even if you don't want to move with it. Look for the good days because they will come.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Wednesday, November 29, 2006 3:10 PM CST

Hello,

Hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving Holiday because we all have so much to be thankful for. I'm sure by now everyone is probably knee deep into Christmas preperations. It's amazing how fast it will come.

I'm sure like everyone else who has lost a loved one, this is an incredibly difficult time of year. It's been two years, can you believe it....two years since we lost Amy. I have to tell you, the ache of losing her has never went away. She was definately the sparkplug in our family. Today, November 29th is the anniversary of her death and it has been a really hard day so far. I keep reliving those final moments with Amy before she moved on to a new life in heaven. I'm writing on her website today because I know that was one of her favorite things to do. She loved writing on her caringbridge website and she loved everyone who would read and leave special messages for her. She was so proud of this site. One of my promises to her was that I would keep this site going until her book was published and on bookshelves for all to read. So I will continue with that promise until that happens.

Amy, we miss you so much and hope that you are living a glorious life up in heaven. You're family will love you forever until someday we meet again.

Amy's words of wisdom:
November 7, 2004
The other night I had the best dream ever. I had two good feet and I was playing basketball with the little kids and running, just like I always did. I miss my sports life, but I try not to think of it. I have accepted what was given to me for now until I can do it on my fake leg. Anyway it was so great shooting the ball and showing the little kids how to play. It always makes me wake up happy when I have dreams like that. I may not be able to play like that now but I'm glad I can in my dreams.
Which brings me to please never ever take things for granted. You don't know what you have until it's gone. If you have to walk an extra parking spot at the mall, take it, walk that step. If you have to open that door for someone in need, open the door, take the extra step. Believe me if you take that extra step in anyway, I promise you won't regret it. Don't let one day go and say I will do it tomorrow, you don't know what's going to be handed to you the next day. You don't know where your life will be different. I don't know if anyone gets what I'm saying; just don't pass up the little things in life looking for the big ones or the easier ones. Give your child that extra hug, before bed, or say that one little prayer. I promise you'll never forget.
November 8, 2004
I think I need to slow it down a bit and enjoy life like I said yesterday. As I was lying on the table today getting radiation, I was thinking to myself, that I am alive. I'm alive on Monday, November 8, 2004. Just think of one minute about life. Every second a new life comes into this world. Life is such a powerful thing. What does the word life mean to you? It can be thought of in so many ways. LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, October 30, 2006 8:11 AM CST

Hey,

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our Angel Amy would have celebrated her 21st Birthday on October 29th. We gathered as a family, went to mass, ate a great breakfast, and toasted Amy. I hope her dimples were smiling upon us as we remembered her on her special day.

I hope everyone continues to visit Amy's old journal entries. Talk about inspiration. The only thing better would be her BOOK!!! I've heard a date floating in the air and I'm sharing. APRIL, APRIL, APRIL!!! Cross your fingers and say a prayer.

Please continue to keep Amy's very good friend, Laura Jahnke in your thoughts and prayers as she continues to fight her battle. Visit her website at WWW.caringbridge.com/page/laurajahnke

Amy's words of wisdom:

I always try to be a positive person and that's what I will always be but when I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head, it's really hard.

Thanks to each and every one of you for always supporting me. I want you to know that you mean the world to me. You're always cheering me up when I need it the most.

Continue to pray for all the children with cancer and the kids and teens on 5B, I'm sure they all would welcome the prayers.

Peace Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Thursday, September 7, 2006 9:16 AM CDT

Hello,

Time is flying by. It seems like yesterday was the beginning of Summer and now it's almost over. The kids are back in school!!! In my case, this was a good thing. Brittany and Brandon were getting a little squirrelly. Brittany is a Sophmore in High School this year and Brandon is an 8th grader. Oh my gosh, they are really growing up.
Brittany spent her Summer hanging out with friends, going to her brothers baseball games and volunteering at a local facility for aging adults. It was a very rewarding expierence for her. It made her feel good when someone would remember her and tell her that they had been waiting for her to come all day. She would play cards with them, read to them, take them to the in-house church, take them to the in-house store, help them write letters and cards to their families. She would help them play Bingo or just sit and visit with them. Brittany also is learning to drive. Amy would be so excited. I remember when Amy first started to drive. The smile and grin on her face was so blissful. Her dimples were probably a mile deep. She loved driving. She thought she was the coolest. I loved it. She probably would have been at our house everyday this Summer wanting to take Brittany driving. I miss that she's not here to experience that with Brittany.
Brandon spent his Summer with friends and playing baseball. Who would have guessed. He had a great year and hit his very first over the fence homerun. He was very proud and I didn't have my camera along that day. Brandon is also proud and I am not about the fact that he never picked up a book to read. He figures that reading the Sportscenter ticker at the bottom of the TV is enough reading during the Summer.

Amy's Mom and Dad spent time working on their gardens, spending time with their grandchildren, taking some mini-vacations and spending time with family and friends. My dad finally put together a couple of picture albums that were long over due. One album was of Amy, Mom and Dad's last trip to Duluth which took place 2-3 months before Amy passed. I had never seen the pictures until recently. I will put one on Amy's picture page. They are fabulous. I opened the album and as soon as I saw Amy, I was ready to cry. The memories just came flooding back. The other album is from Amy's memorial and funeral. That one was very difficult to look at. It was amazing to see how many people came to honor her. She was special.

Amy's dad has been in contact with the publisher and things are moving forward. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that her book will probably be available by the end of the year or at the very latest early in 2007. I hate putting a time line on it, maybe it is hopeful thinking but I think this is what will happen. We are getting there. I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel concerning Amy's book. Cross your fingers!

Amy's words of wisdom:

September 10, 2004
I hope everyone is enjoying life to the fullest. We never know when it's going to be over.

September 15, 2004
I will dig deep for the determination, I will dig deep for that attitude, and I will dig deep for the strength. I am up to the challenge, and will face fear head on. I will stare fear down and over come it. I am ready and willing to take whatever steps needed to get rid of this cancer, and if it means taking risks, then I will take those risks. I have taken many risks in my fight and I'm not stopping now.

Amy's oldest journal entries can now be found under read journal history.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Wednesday, August 9, 2006 10:17 AM CDT

Hi to all Amy's Fans,

What a bad sister I've been. I just haven't had the heart to write on her caringbridge site for a really long time. The only thing I want to do is come on this site and tell you that you can go to the local book store and purchase one of her books but I can't even do that yet. Amy's book has been Amy ready for almost 2 years. All I know at this time is that the publishing company is editing the manuscript to get it ready for publication and is also contacting potential funders. They are hoping to have the entire manuscript edited soon and then copies will be sent to the family to be reviewed. Once this is complete, the book should be able to go straight to press.

I hope everyone is having a really great summer and everyone has been blessed with good health and happiness. Enjoy lifes journeys because you never know what tomorrow will bring and remember to have no regrets and never give up!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, June 11, 2006 5:30 PM CDT

Hi,

Sorry, I've been really slack on updating Amy's caringbridge web page. I think she's letting me know that right now because as I'm trying to update, the computer screen is scrolling up and down. I've always looked at this as a sign from Amy because the computer never used to do this until after Amy passed away. So I'm taking it that she's not happy. Sorry!

Amy's parents went to a hospital picnic where they had a chance to visit with some of the people from the Fairview Inn that cared for Amy. I think it might have been a surprise. Amy's parents showed up unexpectedly. They enjoyed it very much. They had a chance to also visit with someone who is actively involved in the helping of getting Amy's book published. The book continues to move forward, slow but steady. She told my parents that they will be very proud of the book. We can't wait any longer. Please hurry!!!!!!!!

A new Disney movie just came out and Amy would be giving you a movie review. We went to see the movie Cars today and it was really good. It turns out that Amy's parents went to the movie and a half hour later we went to the movie. Neither one of us wanted to bother the other so we all went to the movie seperately wondering if the other had went to it yet. After the movie we went to Target and sure enough we ran into Amy's parents. We all laughed thinking why we didn't just go to the movie together knowing that the other was probably going to go. Oh Well!

Amy's words of wisdom:

Everyday you make choices and you have to live with those choices. Well I choose to live my life the best I can. I choose to be positive and keep upbeat. I don't have to do that but I choose too. I try to make the best choices that will help me or someone else get along in life. I choose to live and not give up. I choose to always be the best I can and do the best I can when it may not be the best, it's the best to me. I choose to be the person I am. May your life be filled with great choices and that they fit you just right.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, May 22, 2006 9:51 AM CDT

Hi,

It's been a year and a half since Amy's passing. Time does heal. Life does continue after the passing of a loved one. It's funny, I feel like I've finally settled back into life. I still miss her every day. I still think about her everyday. I still look at her picture everyday and wish that she was here. I still wait for her daily phone call. I miss that the most. Spiritually I know she's by my side but I want her physically here. I know my mom and dad are still trying to cope with her loss. For them it helps to have things to look forward too. They like to travel so they will plan a vacation well in advance so they have something to look forward too. It gives them a happy thought to think about when they are feeling down.

Please continue to check on Laura Jahnke. She still needs lots of prays and support. Her situation continues to be challenging. Laura was one of Amy's hospital buddies. They were close in age and going through the same things. They were great support for each other. You can visit her on her caringbridge site: www.caringbridge.com/page/laurajahnke

Amy's words of wisdom:

*Life is too short to be upset.
*I love living my life and look forward to each day. I love being with family and friends.
*Always say a prayer a day for someone special and if you don't know who to pray for, pray for all the kids with cancer that they stay strong and positive, even though that can be hard at times.
*I just deal with stuff that's put in front of me and don't sweat the small stuff. Tomorrow is a new day.
*Always keep your head up and never give up on anything. Never Stop Fighting!
*Never stop praying.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family

Sunday, May 7, 2006 6:39 PM CDT

Hi Everyone!

Okay it's been a while. Since the last journal entry, Amy's aunt had a birthday. Amy's dad had a birthday. Amy's nephew had a birthday(that would be Brandon and he's a teenager now..yikes!) and lastly Amy's brother-in-law had a birthday. I'm sure there are a few more birthday's out there that were important to Amy so Happy Birthday to all of you!!

This is what I found out about Amy's book. We are all hopeful that the book will be on shelves before Christmas so that we can use them for stocking stuffers. A purpose statement as well as a "final" copy of a specific chapter have been given to a VIP who will use it to contact potential financial supporters of the book. I've been told the book is.......DEFINITELY MOVING ALONG! Thank you to all of you who are so patiently awaiting the arrival of Amy the author.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Last night I was having one of my times where my mind was flooding with all the things that have happened in the past three and a half years. That's a long time. But I wouldn't change a thing with how I did it. So anyway, I have lived the past, I have lived today but I'm scared of what the future holds for me. I so badly want to live. And I'm going to say something that I have never said before on here, I don't want to die. I'm scared about that. I have so much to give, that's why I'm fighting so hard. I so badly want to come out on top. Last night I was thinking about all my surgeries, mostly the big one I had. I was going into that not knowing if I would see my mom and dad again, but I knew I had to do it if I wanted to live. I knew I had to take that chance. I faced it with strength and courage. There are some pretty extreme things that I will do to beat this stuff down. I will never know what the future will hold and I always pray that it's good. I hope God sees me down the road helping people out on Earth. I'm not afraid of heaven but I don't want to die. I guess no one knows what the next day or the day after will hold or bring. That's why I try and live each day as a good day. There are lots of things rolling around in my mind and those things happened to pop up last night. I guess I need to think about it sometimes. It helps me fight harder and longer. I will do anything to live.

Peace Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, April 16, 2006 8:21 PM CDT

Happy Easter!!!!!

I hope everyone is enjoying what is left of Easter weekend. I'm sure some of you have tomorrow off and some of us will be back to work. Hopefully you're one of the lucky one's who get to enjoy an extra day of relaxation.

I'm trying to think what all happened over the last couple of weeks. Amy's parents and my family continue to think how fast our time went in Florida and how we wish it was already time to go back. Minnesota is great but there is something that keeps drawing us back to Florida. I think it's the Palm Trees. Amy's dad loves to spend vacation time looking at all the plants, trees, shrubs, flowers. Amy's mom likes that stuff too but she would rather be sitting by the pool reading a book. Amy's dad on the other hand is out nature walking. I wish we could grow palm trees in Minnesota.

I am hoping that the next entry will include some book information. I haven't checked in a while to see what is going on. Personally every once in a while I will sit down and read the current manuscript and just be in awe of what Amy accomplished. My sister was so amazing. I want to share with all of you so bad. If this book doesn't get published pretty soon, I'm going to start having her journal entries be chapters from her book. Maybe that will get the book published faster if the publisher knew I was going to do that.

Amy's words of wisdom:

It's true the road that people travel is not always smoothed for us. We have to come to them with the right frame of mind to get over them. Nobody's life is perfect. People's roads will always have a bump in them. Some bumps may be smaller than others. And some people's road might be smoother to travel. Everyone has there own limitations their own road. No one person has the same as anyone else. The only thing that can be the same is how you fight it. You can go full speed ahead or become down because what you are faced with. There has been many times where I was faced with possible death. When I had my big surgeries, it could have gone wrong in so many places. But that is where I had to make a choice. Do I go at it full speed ahead or do I sit and putt ahead? I choose full speed ahead and look where it got me. The cancer is gone in that spot(knock on wood). There were many times where I could have just sat back and did nothing, but I chose to fight harder. Days aren't always going to be perfect but you look forward to the good days. People always have a choice as to how they approach those bumps and I would recommend full speed ahead. You don't get anywhere by sitting and dwelling on how bad it is, you fight with what you have and be done with it. It's something to think about.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, April 2, 2006 7:54 PM CDT

Hi Everyone!

Okay it's been a while but I have a good excuse. Amy's parents and us were on vacation for Spring Break. We went to Florida. Amy loved the warmth of the sun and I have to be honest, so do the rest of us. One of Amy's favorite places to go was Florida. It felt so good to be in the warm Florida sun. It was a great vacation. We went to a spring training baseball game. Amy's parents took Brittany and Brandon to Kennedy Space Center which they really enjoyed. The kids said they saw lots of alligators along the way so that was cool. We did lots of swimming, sun tanning and played many games of miniture golf. We went to Mickey's Backyard BBQ which was entertaining. It was very relaxing and I think everyone had a good time. Amy would be proud, we all got a great tan. It was hard coming back to the cold wet rainy weather. I hope someday I can win the lottery so vacations can be extended a little bit. A person waits forever for vacation to arrive and then it's gone in the blink of an eye. I'm already looking forward to next year. Well I've babbled enough and it's time to go do some laundry.
Hope everyone is well and always remember the cancer kids. They need our thoughts and prayers.

Amy's words of wisdom:

The only way to know if things are possible are to do them and find out for yourself. Take the chance and find out.

When one door shuts a window opens, but never cover it up. Keep thinks open and fresh.

Tell someone that you love them so very much. Everyone likes to hear those words, and it makes them feel like a better person.

You never know what's going to happen today, tomorrow or the next. You never know when a turn may jump out at you and you have to be prepared, but some you may never be prepared for.

Don't be down if you're having a bad day, tomorrow is a whole new day filled with possibilities.

I always try to look upward and you should too. Keep the star in front of you and not behind you.

Take everything a step at a time.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, March 19, 2006 3:42 PM CST

Hi,

Not much going on. Amy's parents are busy doing their thing. Whatever that is...Laundry, shopping, cleaning, reading, watching reality tv(Amy's mom) and March madness(Amy's dad). Everyone around here is anxious for the snow to go away so that we can start enjoying the great outdoors. I know lots of people enjoy the winter outdoor scene, just not us except at Christmas. Everyone likes a little snow at Christmas.

Continue to check up on Laura. She still needs our prayers along with all the other children who need our extra support. www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke

Another great website to check out is the Children's Cancer Research site. www.childrenscancer.com Amy's story can still be found there along with her butterfly which you can find under the e-card section. So check it out and send someone an Amy e-card.

I haven't heard any news lately on Amy's book. I hope they are still working on it.

Amy's words of wisdom:

There are so many people out there that don't have much in life. They are lucky to have cardboard over their head for shelter. It's just amazing how they get along. These people have smiles on their faces. You would think how can they be smiling. I'm sure they are just happy to be alive. We have people in this world who don't think they live in a big enough house, or don't have the best whatever. People take things way to much for granted. I know I do. I take living in this house for granted. There are so many people that would love our houses; they would love to drink clean water. I mean something as simple as that, clean water. I know I always count on clean water, but someday it may not be there. I'm learning to appreciate what I have. Some people aren't that fortunate. Remember the next time you think you need something better that someone, somewhere would love what you already have. Don't take things for granted. Be thankful for what you have. There are so many things in this world that I haven't learned about yet. There's something new around every corner. Be thankful for who you are.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, March 5, 2006 5:26 PM CST

Hi everyone!

We're just getting home from celebrating Dylan's birthday. Remember how Amy always used to call him her little "Dill Pickle." He turned two on Saturday. Also Happy Birthday Michele. She's also celebrating birthday #?

Of course we've been trying to listen to the KS95 radiothon this weekend. I can't believe its that time of the year again. I know they are going to raise a ton of money and help make a difference in many young people's lives. They need our help. If you are able to support a great cause by giving money please take a moment to go to www.KS95.com and make a pledge. These kids need our help. I personally had a really hard time listening to all the stories. I am usually in tears most of the time. It is so inspiring and heartbreaking to listen to the stories of all the children. I heard Amy being mentioned. It's nice to know that she is still inspiring people.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Keep praying for all the kids with cancer and that the kids that are free of cancer can stay cancer free. And also that all the people that have passed away from cancer that they're living an awesome life in heaven pain free and cancer free doing whatever they want.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:37 PM CST

HI

It's been a couple of weeks. Not much happening. I've been missing my sister a lot lately, so I went back and looked at some old photo albums with pictures of her. That always seems to help. Amy's parents are doing fine. They have their new couch that Angel Amy picked out. If you remember I told you my mom was picking out fabric for the couch and Amy's song, 100 Years came on and so the fabric she was looking at at the time became her selection. I haven't seen it yet but it's amazing how when you buy a new piece of furniture you end up buying a lot of other stuff to go with it. Amy's parents are now thinking they need new carpet, a new paint job, new accent pieces, new everthing. Happy Shopping!

Amy's words of wisdom:

I have A LOT of fight left in me. I use it when I have to, to get through those tough times that come along. But when I look back I am sure glad that I fought it the way I did. I wouldn't change anything about how I act with hearing things, how I deal with things, or how I cheer myself up. I am doing the best I can and I think that's good enough. The only thing I wish is that I could pass this fight inside of me onto some other kids that need it. I would love to help them fight so that they come out as pink as a rose. So my advice to tackling things is, never give up and keep fighting.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, February 12, 2006 8:17 PM CST

Hello,

I hope everyone is enjoying their winter. It's been mild here in Minnesota just the way most of us like it. We just spent the weekend in Brainerd, MN. What a beautiful place. Brandon had a basketball tournament and we stayed at a Holiday Inn with a indoor waterpark. The kids had a blast. We didn't know if Brandon would be able to play in this tournament because he sprained his ankle last weekend in another tournament and he was on crutches for a couple of days. Guess whose crutches he used? His Auntie Amy's of course. He hated being injured because he is such a competitor but being on Amy's crutches was such an honor. It made the situation just a little bit better. He did get to play. His ankle was heavily taped and he did a great job.
Amy's parents have been busy going furniture shopping. They brought a couple of fabric samples home from one of the stores because they were going to decide what would work best. It was a easy decision for my mom because she said she had the radio on and the song One Hundred Years by Five for Fighting came on. So she relates that song with Amy and the fabric she happened to be looking at at that moment was the one she figured Amy liked so that is the fabric that she will be using. They are picking out new furniture for the living room. I forgot to ask my mom if the color of the fabric was blue. I wonder??!!??

The publishing company(Fairview Press) is working on Amy's book!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!! I don't know when it will be ready. I know it will still be a while. Sometime this year. A friend reminded me of what Amy is probably saying right now, "It's all good!"

We continue to think and pray for Laura Jahnke. Get to know her at her caringbridge website. www.caringbridge.com/page/laurajahnke
Amy's words of wisdom:
I don't know what made me start thinking about this today but I thought things could always be worse. I mean having cancer is bad but it could be worse. I mean look at all the things I can do and there's people that can't do it. It could always be worse, so I am thankful for what I do have. In a way this is going to sound strange but I wouldn't change me having cancer. I know that sounds like, what is she talking about but I mean I have learned so much. I would rather have it be done and over with and I would have already won this fight but if this is the way it has to be than so be it. I have learned so much about myself, my limits, how to keep a positive attitude, and how not to take things for granted. I have met so many people that I would have never met before. It makes me a more understanding and caring person. I have learned to take things a day at a time and not a week at a time, to look at all the small things in life, to take the bad things with a grain of salt and move on. So of course cancer is not a good thing to have but yet I wouldn't take it back. So for all the bad things that cancer brings it always brings some good points and you have to take those good points and make the best of them.
Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, January 29, 2006 9:09 PM CST

Hi everyone!

Amy's book contract has been signed and sent off to the publishing company!!!! Finally another step forward. I feel like the little engine that could. I think I can, I think I can. Eventually we will get to the top of the mountain. Amy's parents are very excited. I'll let you know as soon as I know more.

We went to visit Amy's parents today. We played the game called Sequence. If you haven't played it, it's fun. Amy's dad played and he usually doesn't play any games at all. Amy's mom showed me some towels she had embroidered; she is really good. I told her she is going to have to show me how and if I can't do it I'm going to hire her to make some towels for me to give away for shower gifts or wedding gifts or maybe just for me. We had a great visit and it was nice to be home.

Please continue to visit Laura Jahnke's caringbridge page.(www.caringbridge.com/page/laurajahnke) She was a very special friend to Amy. It would make Amy and the rest of us happy if we could count on you to keep Laura in your thoughts and prayers. The Jahnke family was incredibly sweet and caring to Amy during her time at the hospital. Laura has been fighting her own battle for some time now. If you remember the spirit, spunk and inspiration of Amy, you'll find the same thing in Laura.

Amy's words of wisdom:
January 29, 2003
Last night I was having trouble sleeping because I was to busy thinking. No one has the same thoughts as me and some of my thoughts haunt me. I think of all the stuff, all the surgeries, all the bad things that have happened. Yet I think about all the good things, like being able to meet great people, kicking butt on the fastest recovery in the hospital after surgery, and most of all being alive. My thoughts will always be with me wherever I go, whatever I do. In a way they make my school work a little harder, because when I'm suppose to be reading, my mind wonders and I start thinking. No one really knows the extent of my thoughts but me, but some pople know to some extent but no one will really understand them. Everyone has there own thoughts and dreams, which everyone is different. My sister told me that if it wasn't for my positive, upbeat attitude that I would not be here today to write this. Beating cancer is like 25 mind game. You have to set your mind to something and complete it. In my thoughts that's what I do. I set my mind to something and thus far have completed each task. I have bad thoughts pretty much all the time that I think. When I had surgery the last time, the one before this one, I look at myself lying in the bed with a tube down my throat keeping me alive. I see all 8 lung surgeries. I remember waking up from my amputation and the first thing I did was try to move my right foot, but it wasn't there anymore. Yet then I think of the good thoughts, being able to help other little kids go through chemo and surgery, sitting at the nurse's station because I was bored, and just hanging out. Going to teen night and having fun. Help raise money for CCRF. So if I don't always get everthing right, it's probably because I was thinking. So to sum it up, I have good thoughts yet bad thoughts, but I try and concentrate on the good thoughts.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, January 22, 2006 9:01 PM CST

Hi everyone,

Amy had a very special hospital friend named Laura. Right now Laura is fighting her own battle of Osteosarcoma and needs our love, support and prayers. Please say a prayer for the doctors to find the right solution in Laura's time of need. Laura and her family were of great support to Amy during her battle. Amy loved them, relied on them and looked forward to time spent with them. So please keep Laura and her family in your prayers. If you would like to leave her a note of encouragement her website is: www.caringbridge.com/page/laurajahnke

Amy's words of wisdom:

My wish is a world free of cancer. Whatever I can do to help, I will be there 110%

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, January 15, 2006 9:25 PM CST

Hi,

Amy's dad met with the publishing company. The meeting went very well which I am very happy about. I know this is the company that Amy would have wanted publishing her book. Mostly because it is affiliated with Fairview-University Children's Hospital or the Fairview Inn as most of us know it because of Amy. If you remember she would always say, "If you need to get a hold of me, You can find me at the Fairview Inn." It was her home away from home. So anyway the meeting went well, contract issues were resolved and my parents are now waiting for a new contract to be written.

Amy's mom's side of the family celebrated a christmas gathering this past weekend. Almost all of our Aunts, Uncles, cousins, second cousins were there. Probably 80 people or more(I'm just guessing, I didn't actually try and count). There was a lot of us. It was nice to visit with them because most of us only see each other once a year. Amy and I would use to try and place the kids with their parents because there are so many children, we could no longer keep track of names. Amy's mom helped me this year. She even knew their names. Andy,Michele and Dylan were there too. We were disappointed because Amy's dad couldn't attend because he had to work.

Please say a special prayer this week for anyone whom you know that is ill. Young and old, we all can use a prayer sometime.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Last night I was on a thinking rage again when I was supposed to be going to sleep. I was thinking about the future as always. And the thing is whoever knows if they are going to have a future. I hope I have a chance at having a future. I think I'm doing this because there has been so much time where I don't have answers and then I think about what's going to happen when really I don't know. That's why I think it's good to find things out right away so that you can get in the frame of mind of doing whatever you need to do. Like having surgery, if I had to wait like two or three weeks before I had a surgery and I knew I was going to have it, I would go nuts. I would scare myself way to much and get all worked up. So I would rather get it over with.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, January 8, 2006 7:38 PM CST

Hi everyone!

It's been a while again since I updated Amy's website. I'm surprised Angel Amy hasn't updated it herself by now. I hope everyone had a great holiday season and a Happy beginning to the New Year!

Amy's parents kept themselves busy over Christmas hosting Christmas parties. Amy's mom gets pretty stressed during these times but she always does a great job. Amy's parents had an easy time picking out the Christmas tree this year. When they went looking for a tree they picked the one with the blue ribbon on it. They said it jumped out at them and they knew Amy wanted them to have that tree. It was a done deal. Blue ribbon, Amy's favorite color, that would be the tree. Thanks for helping Mom and Dad, Amy!

Amy's mom has been spending time reading some new books she received for Christmas. Amy's dad has been working a lot of hours so Amy's mom enjoys the quiet moments reading. They also have been doing some furniture shopping. Amy's mom said that they are at opposite ends of the pole when it comes to picking out a couch. They have very different tastes. I think Angel Amy needs to put a blue ribbon on a couch and help them out otherwise it's going to be a while before her parents can agree on one choice. Good Luck. They also went to watch Brittany and Brandon play a couple of basketball games. They both seemed to enjoy that.

I haven't mentioned Amy's book in a while because not much is happening at the moment. It seems with the holidays and work schedules, it's been hard to accomplish anything. Amy's dad has a scheduled meeting with the publisher on Monday. They will be talking about contract details. I'm hoping the meeting goes well and the book process can once again move forward. Cross your fingers and say a prayer.

Amy's mom celebrated a birthday on January second. We are not allowed to say what number it is but it is one number higher than last year. Happy Birthday Mom!!!!

Amy's words of wisdom:

I hope you're all well and I hope you know how much you mean to me. I wouldn't be as happy as I am without you guys, so thank you! I also have a request tonight, don't pray for me but pray for all the men and women that will probably have to fight for our country, that they stay safe and kick their butt. That they come home to their families in one piece and unharmed.

Peace Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 6:32 PM CST

Hi,

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and if you're celebrating some other holiday, I hope that was wonderful too. This Christmas of course was better than the last. We always miss Amy but the memories are fond. I think back to last year and how Amy had went out and bought leather jackets for her mom and dad for Christmas. She was so excited and had spent every last dollar she had to buy them for her parents. I like to see them wear the jackets because it makes me feel like Amy is wrapped around them giving them a great big hug.
This year for Christmas Amy's parents gave Brittany one of Amy's favorite articles of clothing. It was a white vest that Amy loved. It was one of her favorite things to wear after she got it. It was really special and very emotional for Amy's parents. It is hard for them to part with anything of Amy's but Brittany will take good care of it and hopefully it will make her Grandma and Grandpa smile when they see her wearing it. I hope it doesn't make them sad.
In less than a week a new year will be upon us. As the new year approaches it is a good time to reflect on the past and think of the future. What can we do to help make this a better world to live in for ourselves and our families? What can we do to help people less fortunate than than ourselves? How can we help researches and doctors find cures for diseases. Amy always thought about things like this. We don't have to do anything big. Maybe we spend the day at a local food shelter and help stock shelves. Maybe we find the time to donate some blood for the blood banks. Maybe we volunteer a day at a local school to show the kids we care. There are so many things we can do to help make this a better world, so lets get started. I think I sound like Amy today. Oh no!!!

Amy's words of wisdom:

You don't need material thinks to be happy; it's the thinks inside that count the most. You may get something and be happy at the time, sooner or later that something is going to come to an end, but you will still have the happiness inside. It's all you need, believe in yourself and let your inners come out.
Live each day to the best you can, you never know when it will be the last. But always look forward to those good days, and always remember the past, with loved ones and great memories.
You can't be perfect all the time; no one is perfect in this world. There are times when you need to do something for yourself. So today treat yourself to something. If it's extra time getting ready, or an extra snack.

Peace, Love,Hugs and Happy New Year!
Amy's Family*

Monday, December 19, 2005 5:49 PM CST

Hi everyone,

Are all of you as stressed as I am? Christmas is upon us. I hope I survive. Amy's Mom and Dad had Christmas at their house this past weekend. I was there with my family. Amy's brother Andy was there with his family. Amy's Aunt and Uncle Denny and Maureen and Amy's cousin Michelle and her husband Jeff were all there. Amy's Great Aunt Marcella and her friend Ray were there. In all, there were 15 people. It was nice to be together and celebrate a wonderful holiday. We exchanged gifts and they were all handed out by Brittany and Michelle who at the age of 20 continues to get all excited when its time to hand out gifts. I look forward to watching her hand out gifts every year. It's been a tradition ever since we were little kids. Amy's parents did a great job with the wonderful dinner and the house was all decked out. Amy was with us, I'm sure of it.

I have to tell you this little story. The night before the party, I was thinking how I was going to stop by and say Hi to Amy before I went to our parents home. I was thinking I wanted to bring something to her mossouleum(sp?). I decided I would bring a christmas bow. The following morning I had a gift to wrap and her bow to pick out. I wrapped the gift and forgot about the bow. I put the wrapping paper and bows away. As I came back up the stairs from putting the stuff away, on the top step was a single angel white bow. I know who put it there. AMY!! I'm sure she was saying, "Hey Denise, don't forget about me!!!!" So on my way to our parents home, I stopped by Amy and put her white bow on her mossouleum. Merry Christmas Amy! And to honor Amy this year, for Christmas we made a donation to Childrens Cancer Research Fund and the Make-A-Wish foundation in her honor. We want to be a part of the process to help find a cure for childhood cancer. We also want to be a part of making the lives of kids with life threatening illnesses just a little better. There are many wonderful charities out there. Find one close to your heart and reach out. You will make a difference in someone's life. It was important to Amy to make a difference and it is something we all should do a little more of including me. We just need to make the effort. Amy would be proud of us no matter what it was, just the fact that we did it would make her happy.

Amy's words of wisdom:

I will fight till the end of my days which will be long from now. I can pull more strength together and I will overcome this road block that I'm put up against again. I can do it.
I am happy to be alive and live every moment because you never know what tomorrow will bring.
Always keep your head up and never give up on anything. Never Stop Fighting.
Never Stop Praying.
Could you say a special prayer for ALL cancer kids along with other kids that are sick from something. Everyone in the world needs a prayer sometime or other. I choose to pray for them today.

From Amy's family to yours, may you have a peaceful, safe, happy and healthy holiday season. God Bless you all!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, December 11, 2005 4:11 PM CST

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I've written on Amy's site. I visit her site all the time because it was so much a part of her and I can still feel her presence here. Everyone is busy getting ready for Christmas. I can't believe it's here already again. I like Christmas but I am one who is glad when it is here and gone. I am not very good at planning ahead so I'm am busy shopping at the last minute with everyone else. The crowds drive me crazy. The traffic drives me crazy. Our family schedule drives me crazy. I think I'm driving me crazy. So when Christmas is here and gone that means I've survived.

Not much going on so I'll let Amy do the talking this week.
Amy's words of wisdom:

December 17,2002
For the last week or so I felt like I had a normal life, that I never had cancer, except for the no leg part and very short hair. But it was good getting back into the swing of things. I pray so very hard that my scans will come out perfect, because this is really starting to get tiring. Not that I'm saying anything about giving up because I still will never give up. I want so badly for a normal life. Not going to the hospital and clinic every month. Not being sick all the time. Not being weak whenever you get chemo. To go a whole quarter of school and not miss like 10 days. People that don't have cancer can sometimes take their life for granted, that it's always going to be normal. That's probably what I thought before I got cancer. But from here on out I will never take my life for granted. There are very few things that I take for granted now, if any. I am so thankful that I'm alive and can do as much as I do. Sometimes my "normal" life is threatened by a cough which always meant that something was going wrong again. Again I have a cough and things always linger around in the back of my mind. There's not a day that goes by where I think it could be back, I never know. I just have to go with the positive thoughts and keep fighting. I say a prayer everyday saying thank you for letting me be alive. I love each and every day that I can be here with my family and friends. They help me so much. They, including you, make me the person that I am today. Thanks for doing that. You are always and will always be with me.

Peace, love and hugs,
Amy's Family*

Wednesday, November 30, 2005 9:51 AM CST

Hi Everyone,

November 29 was definitely a day of healing and rememberance. I feel somewhat relieved that that day is here and gone. I feel like the past week up until than, I was reliving each day from one year ago. Amy's parents are doing well. Her mom said that she did a lot of remembering yesterday. They are keeping busy. Amy's dad is busy putting up Christmas lights and decorations. Amy loved Christmas lights. I think he's probably putting up a few extra hoping Amy can see them from heaven. Amy loved Christmas lights so much she used to have them in her bedroom. When we would come to visit I remember her saying, "Come look at my bedroom, I have a surprise." It would be her Christmas lights and she would be grinning from ear to ear, dimples included. Amy's mom is busy worrying about how many shopping days are left until Christmas. She feels like we are already in crunch time.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers and the nice notes that you posted. The family enjoys reading them. There are so many people out there that Amy inspired, it's nice to know that her memory lives on....

Amy's words of wisdom:

Have lots of self confidence and you will go places.
Open your shutters wide today and see what's out there.
Always take steps forward not bacwards.
If you never do anything daring, your life will be plain and simple. You learn from daring adventures.
I am looking at the bright side of things. There's no point in feeling bad, it's not going to do anything so I look at the good.
It's sometimes so hard to take it that there are so many kids sick, and they didn't do anything to deserve it. I wish I could take it away from everyone, so that there would be no more pain, suffering, and sadness. One day though, they will find a cure. It will be the greatest day ever. It will come.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, November 20, 2005 3:28 PM CST

Hi,

I'm sorry it's been a while since I've updated Amy's journal. I'm having a hard time going to her site right now. It's the anniversary of all the one year memories of the end. Today(Sunday), last year, we would have celebrated Brittany's birthday(She is now 15 and wants to get her driving permit. Mom and Dad are not ready for that yet. Way too scary!) Amy was so happy on that day. Full of smiles and enjoying her life. No one could have known that she would be moving on in 8 days. Monday was just another day. Tuesday, the nightmare began. The dreaded doctors appointment. The phone calls filled with fear. The awful message left in Amy's guestbook that devistated her. Wednesday she couldn't breath and checked into the hospital never to return home. Thursday was Thanksgiving and she was feeling better. Friday, the day Brittany, Brandon and I spent with her in the hospital enjoying each others company. Saturday, Amy's parents spent the day with her and the evening with her friends. Sunday she spent with family and friends and Monday we said Goodbye.

Everyone says that after that first year, things will get better. I'm waiting. Right now I can't get past it as I sit here in tears thinking of how much I miss her. I'll be alright knowing I'll see her someday and I know that time will heal my heart. Amy's parents are doing okay. They too are reliving the memories of one year ago, but we will all move on and continue to live life one day at a time. Our biggest goal continues to be that Amy's book needs to be published. That will happen.

Amy's words of wisdom:
Thursday, 11:45pm
Had to get on here before Midnight to say HAPPY THANSGIVING!!!!!:)
So they just gave me some lasixs, it's to make you pee, and you will have to give me a minute here, I will be right back, have to go, and I just went:) Hold on........Okay I'm back and empty:) I just wanted to write a quick note to say Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope everyone had a great day and lots of great food, and that you got to spend it with family, friends, or whoever you wanted to spend t with. I was thankful today for my family, friends, faith, hope, being alive, and for each and everyone of you!!!!!!

My brother and Michele's house turned out great, or that's what I heard from everyone, I'm sure it did. I know they have been working hard on it, especially Michele, and she carried on the family dressing, just a little different from my moms, but she made it her own. They had 25 people all together in one house, but it was said to be fun. I called and talked to everyone right befire dinner. So I got my hi's and Happy Thanksgivings in. My mom and dad then brought me a big plate of food down here afterwords, which was very good. A little corn, dressing, and mashed potato's mixed together, much say it was pretty good:)

Well health wise I'm doing okay. I have been on air ever since I got here, which is making me feel better. I have also been getting A LOT of junk out. But I pay for it. My throat has been kind of bad tonight, but I can live with it. I have been spiking daily fevers once or twice, and that's when my breathing gets the worst is when I have a fever. Otherwise I have been trying to take it as easy as possible. I got two units of blood already last night, and a unite of platelets today. I also found out that that my WBC and ANC were taking a spill so they started me on GCSF for right now, but I get it IV while in the hospital, not bad. Tomorrow I will start with a new chemo that I can't remember the name off hand, I will let you know, but I do have to get a b12 shot before hand. Well I think I'm going to run, will try and get on here tomorrow.
Love you all lots
Amy*

From Amy's family to all of you, we hope that you have a very Happy Thanksgiving. We all have so much to be thankful for.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, November 7, 2005 10:24 PM CST

Hi,

It's hunting season. Be careful. Amy's brother Andy and her uncle Denny went hunting this weekend. I don't know how successful they were. I haven't heard. Personally I could never go hunting. The thought of killing a deer freaks me out. Amy's little Dill Pickle(Dylan) stayed with Amy's mom while Andy was hunting and Michele went shopping. Shopping sound like a lot more fun to me and I'm sure it would to Angel Amy too.

We now have a draft of the publishing agreement for Amy's book. It's so exciting to finally have something happening with Amy's book again. Amy's parents are currently looking over it and once they come to an agreement with the publishing company and the papers have been signed, the next step in the process will begin. I'm really excited about the prospect of other kids who find themselves in a similar position like Amy to have a resource like Amy's book. I know Amy's story will inspire and encourage them to fight their own battles, to live each day to the fullest, to have no regrets, and to never give up!

Amy's words of wisdom:

I think I need to slow down a bit and enjoy life like I said yesterday. As I was lying on the table today getting radiation, I was thinking to myself that I'm alive. I'm alive on Monday, November 8, 2004. Just think for one minute about life. Every second a new life comes into this world. Life is such a powerful thing. What does the word life mean to you? It can be thought of in so many ways. LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, November 7, 2005 10:24 PM CST

Monday, November 7, 2005 3:45 PM CST

Monday, November 7, 2005 3:25 PM CST

Sunday, October 30, 2005 8:45 PM CST

Hi,

Tough weekend. Really missing Amy. It's hard when the memories of last year are so vivid in my mind. Amy's parents are really struggling right now. It's been really nice that many people have been there supporting them through phone calls, notes, or stopping by for a short visit.
On Amy's birthday, Brittany, Brandon and I sent balloons with messages up to Amy in heaven wishing her a happy birthday. Amys parents went to the Huskie/Gopher hockey game, something Amy never missed. The Gophers won. Amys parents should have went on Friday night. The Huskies won. Oh well. On Sunday, family and friends gathered for mass which was in Amys memory. It was very nice. After mass many stopped at Amys mossuleum to say Hi and probably wish her a happy birthday. Once again it was a tough morning but time will heal our broken hearts.

I have a book update this week. The book contract has finally been drawn up by the publishing company and is ready for Amys parents to review and sign. After that I'm hoping the book process will pick up a little steam. I guess at this point we have to continue to be patient. So thank you to all of you for being patient. The process is moving at a snails pace but it is moving forward.

Amys words of wisdom:

Life is too short to be upset.
I always try to be a positive person and that's what I will always be but when I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head, it's really hard.
Thanks to each and everyone of you for always supporting me. I want you to know that you mean the world to me. You're always cheering me up when I need it the most.
Continue to pray for all the children with cancer and the kids and teens on 5B, I'm sure they all would welcome the prayers.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, October 23, 2005 4:12 PM CDT

Hi,

I'm sorry it's been a while but sometimes I just don't know what to write especially this first time around coming up on Amy's birthday and the anniversary of her becoming an angel.

Last year at this time is when everything went in the wrong direction for Amy and we just couldn't get it turned around. But I truly don't want to dwell on wrongs of the past. I want to talk about the things I loved about Amy:

She loved. She cared. She shared. She smiled. She fought. She was strong. She never gave up. She faced everything head on. Living each day to the fullest was important. Her family and friends were important. Her nurses, doctors and caretakers were important. The neighbors and daycare children were important. Volunteering was important. Children with cancer were important. Finding a cure was really important. Amy always found a way to make the situation better. She tried really hard to always be positive. She knew her miracle would someday be there. Amy loved life and it is our job to make sure we love life because it does not come with a guarantee.

This week Saturday, October 29th, Amy would have turned 20. The year since her last birthday has went really fast. I can't believe it is already upon us. Amy loved birthdays. One of the things I remember about birthdays with Amy is when it was your birthday, you could always expect to get some silly food item. I think last year Brittany got a big can of ChowMein. Brandon got a box of Macaroni and Cheese. I remember getting a box of Kraft Spaghetti. She loved surprises. I usually knew most of what was going on because around me, she couldn't keep a secret.

This year for Amy's birthday, her mom and dad will be at SCSU watching the Huskies play the U of M Gophers in hockey. This was Amy's favorite matchup. She rarely missed any Huskie/Gopher matchup when they were in St. Cloud. I can't believe that it just happens to be this night that they play one another. My family and I will also be there working but I wouldn't want to be any place else. This is where I think Amy would want us to be this year. The kids and I are planning on buying some balloons and releasing them when we get to the game to celebrate her birthday hoping they will make it to heaven to help her celebrate her 20th birthday. Happy Birthday Amy. We will never forget and we will love you always.

Amy's words of wisdom:

October 25, 2004
I'm face to face with fear again. We meet in the ring to fight it out. I will fight just like every other fight I was put up against. Please pray for a successful procedure, I need this to work, because if it's progressing like it never has before then we need to move fast. Another challenge has been given to me, and I will stand tall and take it as best as I can. I'm in this battle for the long haul, and if I wasn't then it would have been over a long time ago, this is one thing in my life that I will fight until the fat lady sings. Look out cancer, here I come!!!!
October 27, 2004
Thank you for all the prayers, once again they have done a miracle as I'm still alive and kicking. Prayer is a very powerful thing and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for all the prayers. Thank you so much.
October 29, 2004
So the whole day except for tonight pretty much sucked. That's the word I have to use. I'm not throwing the towel in yet either. I'm far from it. However, I do need a MIRACLE, and they do happen. I have so much will to fight this down. I have so much fight left in me, you just don't know. I'm not going down easy, and I'm not going down at all, it can kick as hard as it wants, I will have a defense coming back at it.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*
PS...Need a special prayer for Amy's great aunt who is having surgery for breast cancer. Amy and her great aunt always had a great connection and always planned on having a cancer survivor party someday. Thank You.

Sunday, October 9, 2005 7:46 PM CDT

Hi everyone,

I can't lie and tell you the rest of year will be fine because it won't. My memory is so vivid with memories of Amy one year ago. She is heavily on my mind right now. I know the same is true for Amy's parents. It's really hard. The tears are always just a teardrop away. At this point of time last year, she continued to be full of hope. She had signed up for college classes, was looking forward to her 19th birthday, was volunteering at her old elementary school and high school. She was writing her book and as always enjoying her friends and family. She was living life to the fullest. The following are some of Amy's thoughts just one year ago.

Amy's Words of Wisdom:

October 14, 2004
I am faced with fear and will stand tall and strong. I will face fear in the eye and fight hard. I have taken risks along the way and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for those risks.

October 15, 2004
I don't want to know if I'm going to live one more day, or a week, or a month, or a year, it's just not going to matter to me. I'm going to fight just as hard either way.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, October 2, 2005 8:25 PM CDT

Hi,

We spent some time with family this weekend. We went to "The German House," a German restaurant in Minneapolis. We had a great time. It was kind of hard at first because all I could think about was that the last time we had been there, Amy was with us. I know she was there with us in spirit because my mom and I were looking at Amys brothers digital camera and what pops up but a picture of a smiling Amy holding her little nephew Dylan. It really caught us by surprise but it was a nice surprise. Thanks Amy.

The rest of this entry is devoted to Amy. This week is the anniversary of an important date in Amy's history.

I think she had her dates mixed up on this, October 1st is the date that Amy found out something was wrong because of an MRI and was sent to Fairview on October 5th where she was diagnoised. Anyway here are her entries from those two days:
October 1, 2002
THREE years ago today I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. A day I will Never forget. I can still (here) the words from my doctor, "You have cancer and will have to start chemo as soon as possible." I'm still fighting this nasty sh**. Sorry but that's what it is. But the thing is I won't let the cancer win. It's going down and there are no ifs, buts or whats about it. I will fight until I win and there is no other answer. So those doctors better know that if one chemo doesn't work that they better find something else because there is NO WAY that I am giving up. I won't let it. This cancer doesn't know how hard I will work to get it out. It will get tired before I do and it will have to give up because I'm not. And you can take that to the bank, it's a saying that I learned.

October 5, 2004
FIVE years ago my life changed for the worst and yet the better. Today was the day I found out I had cancer. I was in the OR for the first time of my life, having my leg biopsy. Look how far I have come. They say you can in some way say that after five years of being in remission that you are cancer free. Well in my five years, I have had chemo non-stop and have fought every inch of the way to the best of my ability. In these five years it wasn't all bad. Look at all the events, people, and special moments I've had. I wouldn't have met any of the amazing and outstanding people if it weren't for cancer. I wouldn't know so much about myself. I wouldn't know how to handle situations as well as I do now. I wouldn't have met my bestest nurses and doctors. I don't know what I would do if they weren't there. Yes having cancer sucks, but it's brought me many great things as well. There are times still, that I can't believe that I have cancer and that it's been going this long. It shows how much I will fight this thing and how much determination that I have. I will fight until the bitter/sweet end. So if it takes another five years, well then so be it. Although I hope it doesn't last another five years. I have come quite a way and my road has not ended yet, but I keep the star in sight. I have the will to win this thing, even if I have a slim chance, I will fight for that slim chance. I'm not going anywhere. Don't forget the small things, the smell of the fresh air, the sight of the changing colors of the trees, or the card you get in the mail that just says hi. It's the little things that make me the most happy.

Thinking about you lots and lots this week Amy and missing you like crazy.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, September 26, 2005 10:08 AM CDT

Hi everyone,

Not much going on this past week. Everyone was busy watching TV and coverage on the hurricanes. It really makes you wonder whats going on with our Earths atmosphere. Even here in Minnesota we had a couple of tornadoes this past week. One of Amys aunts and uncles had tree damage at their home in the cities where the storms caused the most damage. We just never know when it comes to the weather.
Amys mom and I are busy watching Survivor again. Everybody knows that was one of Amys favorites. I keep waiting for my call from heaven, during a commercial of course, to let me know who her favorite player is.
This week is the 10 month anniversary of Amys passing. It feels like only yesterday. Time has passed so quickly. I can't believe shes been gone for that long. I continue to miss her like crazy and I know all of you feel the same way. I'm only glad that she continues to inspire us all and that a piece of her spirit is with each one of us and gives us the motivation to go on day by day.

Amys words of widsom:

Live each day out for all the kids who have died from cancer who didn't get the chance to live out all their days.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, September 19, 2005 9:44 AM CDT

Hi,

I'm really excited because Brandon plays football in Albany today. I feel like he's going there to play for Amy. Her resting place isn't far from where he'll be playing. You might think I'm a little off the wall for thinking like this but it makes me feel better. I can picture her with her pink cap, her big smile and dimples driving to the game, parking her white car and than sitting on the sidelines in her green and white striped chair cheering for Brandon. Something you need to know about Amy is that she's wasn't a quiet cheerer. She'd be yelling at the top of her lungs making sure Brandon could hear her. We'd make sure we sat some distance from her so no one would associate her with us(Just Kidding!). We'd sit right next to her and cheer right along with her but maybe not as loud. Anyway we know you'll be there today Angel Amy.

Can you believe that it is only September and we are already working on plans for Spring Break. The kids just started school. Last year when I started making plans I was told that I might want to start making plans earlier because a lot of stuff was already booked. So here I am in September working on things for late next March, six months in advance. The saying goes, "The early bird gets the worm." Amy's mom and dad's plans are already in motion. We all had so much fun in Florida last spring break that we are going back together again. I guess I had better start saving some money.

Amy's mom and dad went to Pioneer Days in Albany. It is one of Amy's dad favorite things to do every year. I don't think it's at the top of my mom's list but she went along. Pioneer Days is a celebration and tribute to the olden days. There's old tractors, machinery, buildings, a flee market with antiques. There's church, music and dancing late into the night. My dad could spend hours there just soaking it all in. He goes there every year. I remember going to it as a kid. He's even brought Brittany and Brandon to it. He was very proud that they even took an interest in it.

I have no news on Amy's book. We are still anxiously awaiting to hear from Fairview Press Publishing.

Amy's words of wisdom:

September 15, 2004
I will dig deep for determination, I will dig deep for that attitude, and I will dig deep for the strength. I am up to the challenge, and will face fear head on. I will stare fear down and over come it. I am ready and willing to take whatever steps needed to get rid of this cancer, and if it means taking risks, then I will take those risks. I have taken many risks in my fight and I'm not stopping now.

Peace, love and hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, September 11, 2005 7:26 PM CDT

Hi Everyone,

Life has been kind of busy, just the way I like it. The kids are back in school. Auntie Amy would be so proud. Brittany is a freshman in high school and Brandon is in seventh grade. Wow!! Brandon just started football. Amy loved going to his games. We're really going to miss seeing her there. His first game this year just happens to be in Albany. I wonder if she would have cheered for him or for her home team? Probably both.

Today is an important day in the history of our country. It is certain to be a day none of us will forget. September 11th is also the day Amy's parents got married 40 years ago. HAPPY 40TH ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!! They didn't want a big party or celebration so we just celebrated quietly.

I don't have any news on Amy's book this time. I'll try to get an update for next week. I can tell you this...Amy's mom has finally completed reading Amy's manuscript. She is so proud of Amy and what she accomplished. She said it was very difficult to read at times because it brought back a flood of memories. By reading the book, she also became aware of how much Amy held back from her because Amy didn't want her mom to worry. She wishes Amy wouldn't have done that. But in Amy's words, "What's done is done." My mom is excited to pick out some pictures for the book, so she's busy working on that.

Amy's words of wisdom:

The road to success is always under construction. That's the way I see it. There are always going to be slip ups, or bumps, or road blocks, but there is always a way to get out of it. Keep your head in the game and the construction will be over. There has been lots of construction during my fight but there are still ways to get out, or to find a different route. Some kids/teens/adults don't have the chance to take a different route so when you can, make sure to thank God for the chance to take that different route. So always remember the road to success is always under construction.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Thursday, September 1, 2005 6:49 PM CDT

Hi,

It's the computer thing again. Maybe it's time to upgrade again. I'm using someone elses computer so I have to make this short.

Not a whole lot going on around here. Amy's parents are enjoying the last few days or weeks of summer, whatever is left. Most of us right now seem to be consumed by what is happening in the South USA. I watch every night and just don't know what to say. I feel sad and humbled by what I see. I think, what can we do to help...Pray, donate money, donate time, donate blood, anything I'm sure would help. I know this whole situation would have upset Amy.

Amy's Words of Wisdom:

I was thinking about something today. You never know how lucky you are until you lose it. You never know what you have until you lose it. There are so many things that I thought I had but then I ended up losing it, like my health. I know I used to think, "Oh I can't get cancer," but let me tell you it can happen to anybody at anytime. I'm living it now but I will gain back what I lost by continuing to fight to win. Just remember that things may not always be there. I'm not saying something is going to happen but you just never know. I'm keeping up the fight on this end. I just hope you keep up the prayers on your end. It will help alot. Remember, "Never give Up!"

Prayers, love and hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, August 21, 2005 9:36 PM CDT

Hello!

Another Summer weekend gone. Summer always seems to go by so quickly and Winter just the opposite. Being from Minnesota, I know our WARM sunny days are slowly coming to an end, so we better enjoy them while we can. And you know Summer is coming to a close when the kids are starting to get antsy and you as a parent can't wait for school to start.(That's me) I love my kids but they are starting to drive me crazy. It's time for some homework and decent bedtimes.

We went with Amy's parents to the Chanhassen Dinner Theatre and saw the production of Disney's Beauty and the Beast. It was incredible. Even Brandon enjoyed it. He thought he would be bored because he said that theatre is not his thing so the fact that he liked it was a nice surprise. Amy's dad was overcome with emotion at the end of the performance. I didn't realize that he had made a promise to her when she was in the hospital that final week of her life that when she got well we would go to the Beauty and the Beast production. Of course that didn't happen. He still felt compelled to go, so we went. He felt like we were fulfilling a promise to Amy. It was an emotional and healing day for him. I'm glad we were there to help him. I'm proud of how my parents continue to handle Amy's death. It's been very difficult and they take it, "day by day" just like Amy used to say. They are trying to live life to the fullest just like Amy did. Amy's parents also stopped at the home of one of Amy's hospital friends for a short visit. She will be having another surgery on Monday. We will be thinking and praying that all goes well.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Fighting cancer is no easy thing, but there are ways to make it easier. By having a good attitude and not pulling yourself down anytime something bad happens. I still have the will, the drive, the determination, and the attitude to beat this thing. I'm not going away at any means. You know I always say that I'm going to fight harder, but how do you fight cancer? The drugs I get fight the cancer. Not totally, that's only half the battle. It's in the mind. You have to be willing to take all the crap, go with the flow when bad things happen. Have the attitude to make bad things into somewhat good things by looking at the good side of things, trying to put humor into it all, and most of all, trying to keep a smile on your face. So fighting cancer is not just getting the medications that you or I need, but it's keeping all the other things in your mind. I will beat this. I will win. I WILL overcome what it's doing to me. I WILL be a fighter.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, August 15, 2005 8:22 PM CDT

Hi,

I wish I could say I just got back from vacation but I can't but Amy's mom and dad can. They just returned from a family reunion/vacation to Seattle. They had the greatest of times out there. The Seattle families did a fabulous job of taking care of everyone. My parents felt so welcome and at home there. They know that they will go back to Seattle. They loved it and said that it is a beautiful place to visit. They did lots of touring and sightseeing and had a great time visiting relatives. Thanks to all of you in Seattle for making everyone but especially my parents feel at home. They haven't stopped talking about it. I can't wait to see the pictures.

AMY'S BOOK HAS A PUBLISHER!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!! We are about to take the next big step with her book. I will let you know what's happening as things move along. I'm excited. The family is excited. We're getting there. Slow and steady.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Life keeps moving even if you don't want to move with it. Look for the good days, because they will come. Enjoy each day as it is a gift. Never Ever, Ever Give Up!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, August 7, 2005 10:23 PM CDT

Hi everyone,

It's August and it's hot. I'm not complaining because I'll take hot over cold anyday. I'm enjoying the sun, just like Amy enjoyed the sun. Our lawn is not enjoying all this sun. I hate to see the water bill.

The first weekend of August has always been one of Amy's favorite weekends of the year. Albany celebrates Heritage Days on Saturday and The Seven Dolors Church Bazaar is on Sunday. Amy always used to like it when Brittany, Brandon and Dylan would come to the parade on Saturday night, so we all went this year. I'm telling you, if you have kids and have nothing better to do, come to the parade in Albany. They throw so much candy to the kids that the dentist in Albany has to be happy or sad!?! My kids came home with a plastic grocery bag full of candy without even trying. Brandon is in tootsie roll heaven right now. They are his favorite. Today was the church bazaar. We didn't go but Amy's mom and dad said that the chicken dinner is the best.

We met with the final editor and she couldn't be more excited about Amy's book. I couldn't wait to meet with her because she was so excited this past couple weeks as we corresponded back and forth. I knew that was a good sign. When we met with her, we all got caught up in her excitment. She met with the head of the publishing company that will probably(99 percent sure, cross your fingers) publish Amy's book. I believe they are looking at a couple of chapters of the book just to make sure. We should hear soon. I just know they'll take it. Amy's words are going to draw them in. We all know how she was able to draw all of us to her. We'll just sit back and let the magic happen. The final edit looks great. I just read Amy's book again and the edits made were really good. Trust me, it's Amy all the way. Ok, now how does Amy say it to you? I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news, I think we have a publisher. The bad news, it's going to be a while, possibly up to a year. The last four months of that year are spent on marketing the book. We've been told if we want to do this book the right way so that it can be successful and we do want that for Amy than we have to take the time to do it right. I'm telling you that we think this book has a lot of potential to help a lot of people out there and I think Amy's dream is going to be bigger than she ever expected it to be. Her book is very unique. She not only shares her story of growing up with cancer, she's produced a book that will guide others with cancer through the process. It's incredible. I'm so proud of Amy and whats she's done that I hope this book becomes a best seller. I'm going to dream big for her. She deserves all the success that I know this book is going to achieve.

Amy's words of wisdom:

I never say impossible. I will achieve it somehow, like beating cancer. Some people say my condition is impossible to cure, seeing how long it's been and how many times it has come back, but I don't see it as impossible. I see it as a challenge in life that I need to face with pride, character, willingness, determination and attitude. It's a bumpy road but I will make it to smooth surfaces, someday, not today and not tomorrow, but someday. I will wait until that time comes to the best of my ability to keep a smile on my face.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, August 1, 2005 5:41 PM CDT

Hi to all,

Not much happening. In our house, the kids activities are starting to wind down which makes me wonder how are we going to keep them occupied for the month of August before school starts. I can already hear it, "I'm bored, what can I do?" My answer always is, "Read a book." That is not the right answer in our house.

Amy's parents are busy with everyday life. They, like myself and some others always have a rough time with the 29th of each month because Amy's birthday was on the 29th and her death was on the 29th, so I'm glad it's the beginning of a new month. I don't like to think about the 29th. I can't wait for the month when I can pass that date without being sad.

We are meeting with the final editor of Amy's book this week to hear what she has to say and move on to the next step. Our family as well as the editor are very excited and cannot wait to meet this week. I hope I have some good news to pass along in the next update. (keep your fingers crossed)

Thank you to all who continue to let the spirit of Amy live. She was my hero and inspiration. I love her and miss her so much.

Amy's words of wisdom:

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everthing; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Love, Peace and Hugs,
Amy's family*

Sunday, July 24, 2005 10:45 PM CDT

Hi Everyone,

I just spent some time on the phone visiting with one of Amy's nearest and dearest friends. It was so nice to hear from her. Amy's friends ment the world to her. She loved going out and doing things with them. She loved going to sporting events like basketball and football to cheer on her friends. She loved going to movies and going out to eat. She loved going to parties and going to their houses just to hang out. She loved getting visits from her friends when she was at home or in the hospital. All of her friendships were so important to her. I can just imagine how many friends she has in heaven by now. She's probably party central.

I had to start watching another reality TV show because of Amy. Yes, it's Big Brother. I don't know how I get myself involved in these things. I know it's Amy fault because she would always make me watch them so that she would have someone to talk to about them. I wish I knew the phone number to heaven because I sure would like to give her a call.

Jodi Graubard asked me to keep her email address posted on here for at least a couple of weeks so that people can email her if they are interested in Amy's book which will someday be published, I promise, although I can't promise when. Jodi's email is jgraubard@yahoo.com We are currently working on the publishing process and are becoming familiar with the publishing companies submission guidelines. I will know more in a couple of weeks after we meet with the final editor.

I have to ask a very special favor. Amy's had a very special hospital friend who was near and dear to her, who is going to be having an important surgery tomorrow(Monday)to remove some lung tumors. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers that her surgery is successful.

Have a great week everyone!

Amy's words of wisdom:

Keep praying for all the kids with cancer and that the kids that are free of cancer can stay cancer free. And also that all the people that have passed away from cancer that they're living an awesome life in heaven pain free and cancer free doing whatever they want.(I hope that's you Amy!!)

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, July 18, 2005 7:07 PM CDT

Hi,

Middle of July. Wow, time just keeps ticking away. By now Amy would have been fishing many times. She would have been to the mall many more times. Her tan would have been mint by this time. She would have been to every new movie so she could let you know which one was the best. She would have been to lots of softball and baseball games to cheer her niece and nephew on. She would have been to visit Dylan because she loved her little dill pickle and I imagine she would have made a few trips out to her aunt and uncle's cabin to enjoy the life of leisure on Mound lake. She would have been out late on a few occasions with her friends just to keep her mom and dad on their toes wondering where she was this late at night. Who knows by now she might have perfected the art of sneeking in quietly. It never worked for Andy or me but we didn't have our mom and dad wrapped around our finger like Amy.

Amy's parents say Hi and hope that everyone is enjoying their summer.

Amy's words of wisdom:

"It is easier to take your first step when someone is holding your hand." Remember that the next time when someone is taking their first step towards something. Maybe you will be there right with them holding their hand, taking the first step. If I could be there when someone needed me to hold their hand, I would be their in a flash. So whenever you need someone to hold your hand, think of me and I will be there!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's family*

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 10:37 AM CDT

Hi Everyone!

Ok it's summer and things get really busy around here. It's all about the kids everynight of the week. I never seem to have a free moment. I came online today to write Amy's entry and when I logged on I had 19 e-mails. Busy, busy, busy.
Amy's parents went to Duluth for a mini vacation this past weekend. Duluth was one of Amy's favorite places to spend time. She loved to watch the ships go in and out of port on Lake Superior. She love to spend time on the boardwalk and feed the seagulls. She would bring loaves of bread along just to feed the birds. I remember a time when she even brought her one rollerblade along so she could rollerblade on the boardwalk. Sure she had to sit in her wheelchair and do it but it brought her joy and freedom to go rollerblading in Duluth on the boardwalk. Amy's parents had a nice vacation but they were really missing Amy as this was their first visit to Duluth since Amy's passing.

Amy's book! I don't know what to say other than it continues to move forward, slowly. Amy's words are all there and you will know it's her. I think we made a mistake in saying that Amy's book was done right after her passing because we as a family thought the book was done and that it would only be a short period of time before it would be in the hands of her fans. I guess we kind of jumped the gun. There's alot involved in trying to get a book published. Things do continue to move forward and we have high hopes for this book. It was important to Amy that this book be a guide to children and teens as they work through their journey with cancer. She didn't just want this book to be her story. She wanted it to also be a source of help and guidance to kids going through the same things she did. This is the part that is taking some time. I feel like I continue to lead you on. I only hope that you can be patient because we are just as anxious as everyone out there waiting. Also, Jodi G. from Philadelphia is going to compile a list of people who want to get Amy's book. She would like interested parties to e-mail her so she can add you to the list. Her e-mail address is jgraubard@yahoo.com Jodi was the person who motivated Amy into writing a book. The two of them worked many hours and days to get her book done. Jodi continues to be one of Amy's biggest fans.
I would like to thank all of you who continue to feel the power of Amy. It was so easy for her to draw people towards her. It's nice to hear from you and how she still continues to put smiles on the faces of her fans.

Amy'Words of Wisdom:

Life is what we make it. It can be fun, good laughs, loving, and whatever else. Or it can be dark, down, and icky. It is what we make it. It's like dealing with cancer, I can make it worse for people or I can stay strong and make it okay. I'm for the okay one. I could always make it worse, but I chose not be because that's the kind of person I am. So always remember that "Life is what we make it."

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, July 4, 2005 11:03 AM CDT

Hi,

Happy 4th of July! It's been a while since the last update. Sorry, computer problems. Everyone's been busy. Amy's mom and dad have been busy doing their thing, work, daycaring, shopping, meetings. Life is full right now. They went on a short mini work/vacation trip last weekend. They stayed at a cabin with neighbors and friends. It must have been a big cabin because I know there were a lot of people, somewhere around 16. My mom also mentioned that there was only one bathroom. Now that must have been really interesting. They also went fishing, something they haven't done in years. Amy would be so proud. Afterall she loved to go fishing. The only thing my mom said she could have done without was the mosquitos. She wasn't fond of them but who would be.

My parents, their neighbors and us went to the Little Crow water ski show on Saturday night. Going to the ski show was one of Amy's favorite things to do during the summer beside shopping, going to movies, being with friends and family. We really enjoyed the show but I really missed Amy. It's funny how when a person does all these things for the first time after someone passes away, it just brings back a flood of memories and really makes you miss the person. Just like tonight, it's tradition to go to the fireworks, bring bags of popcorn, drink pop and sit in our lawnchairs and enjoy the show. This year is going to be hard.

I thought I would share Amy's entry from last 4th of July, spelling errors included.

Happy 4th of July Everyone!!!!

Man has it been a roller coster the past few days. With things happening that just drag me down but then hours later something that brings me back up. It's actually kind of annoying. But as of right now it's a great day.

So lets see what have I been up to lately. Thursday night I went to see Sherk2 with a couple friends, and I loved it. It's a great movie, pretty funny too. Then we all hung out for a while afterwards. I have been soaking up all the raise that we have been having the last few days. It's been so nice out. Actually the other day I fell asleep in the nice warm sun.

Yesterday my mom and I headed to St. Cloud for a little shopping. I had to use some gift cards, which I love. I got some great new tank tops, and capris. Theres just some many things a person could buy. Last night we went to the Little Crow Ski show in New London Spicer. If your ever in that area on a Friday night it's a great show. It's at Near Park, and most shows start at 7:30, but you have to get there early because it fills really fast. But anyway they did great last night.

Today my sister and her family and I'm not sure about my brother yet, but they are coming over for a little backyard action, and grilling and having fun. The usual 4th of July stuff. Then tonight were headed to the St Cloud Fire works. It's a tradition we do every yeaqr. We go with my sister, and have big bags of popcorn to bring along.

Well I have to go help my mom with a few things yet, so I have to run. Hope you all have a great 4th with lots of fun, family and friends.
With Love,
Amy*

Have a safe 4th everyone and Happy Birthday Andy, Amy's favorite brother!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, June 20, 2005 10:35 AM CDT

Hi,

Happy Father's Day to all the father's out there. I hope you all had a great day. You deserve it. I remember last year Amy had a gift picked out for her dad and she didn't hide it well enough and her dad happened to accidentally find it, so he left a note inside of it to let her know he had seen it. I remember her calling me and laughing about the whole thing. She said, "He's such a puttz(sp)." I know Amy and her dad knew how to push each others buttons but in the end Amy always knew her dad was one of her pillars of strength and she counted on him the most. I know yesterday(Father's Day) was a hard day for Amy's dad but he spent time with the rest of his family and we hope that helped a little. In his office at home, sitting out is this really big card,probably two feet tall. Amy had given it to him a couple of years ago and he came upon it over the last couple of weeks. I thought it was really great that he happened to find this Father's Day card so close to Father's Day. I think Amy did that. He showed it to me and he just chuckled and said that he missed that kid and I said, "I know."

Enjoy your kids every day, because you just never know!

Amy's book is moving along. We are trying to get a lock on the publisher. We have hopes of this book going national. We want this book to be the book that is placed in the hands of young kids and teens with cancer so they can read a story and have a guide of what it's like to deal with everyday cancer. This was Amy's goal. She didn't have a book like that when she was diagnoised with cancer so this was going to be her contribution. It will be her contribution, we will make sure of that. It's just taking a lot longer than we wanted. There are a lot of legal issues that need to be dealt with, but everything is moving forward.

Amy's words of wisdom:

My saying for today is "Never Give Up!" I won't and neither can you. Your problems can always be worse so be thankful that there not.

Love, Peace and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, June 12, 2005 8:15 PM CDT

Hi,

Today was simply the best day of the week. The sun was out, the weather was warm. It was great. Brittany and I went to buy some flowers for our garden. It was fun picking them out, but then we had to plant them. I hate dirt under my fingernails, but I hate gloves more. We got them planted though. Looking forward to lots of flowers. We bought mostly perennials hoping they will last us for years to come.

It's amazing, I thought things would slow down for Amy's mom and dad after she passed away, but they seem to be busier than ever. I get the answering machine more now then I ever did before, but thats alright because when I get the answering machine, it's Amy talking back to me because my parents haven't changed the message. It says, "Rich, Judy and Amy aren't here right now...." My dad had a surprise visitor from California this past weekend. This person came to my parents house, rang the doorbell and than said,"Do you know who I am?," and my dad knew exactly who it was, a cousin of his whom he hadn't seen in over thirty years. They had a nice visit which included his family.

I don't have a lot for you this week. Everyone's busy doing the summer thing.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Never forget the memories; they will always be with you.

Love, peace and hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, June 5, 2005 7:09 PM CDT

Hi,

Ok, the story is rain, rain, go away. Please only come once a week. As a result we've been to a couple of movies this week. I know this was one of Amy's favorite things to do was to give you all a movie review. I went to Stars Wars and dragged my family along because they are not into it as much as I am. I love Star Wars movies. I think it's growing on my family though. This movie was good. It definately needed the PG-13 rating, alot of violence. The other movie was Madagasgar(sp). A great movie to take little kids to. They'll love it. Brittany is wishing Amy was around to take her and her friends to the new movie The sisterhood of the Traveling pants. She read the book that goes with the movie and loved it, so now she wants to see the movie. We'll wait for another rainy day to go to that, I'm sure it won't be long.

I'm really excited because I received a call from the person who is doing the final edit on Amy's book. She finally finished. She is in the process now of contacting the right people to get us going on the publishing. I don't know how long this will be but it's another step in the right direction!!!!! I'll keep you posted.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Today I was yet again, "thinking" that how I'm very pleased with the little things in life. Getting a letter in the mail, getting an email from someone that I love hearing from, as simple as watching my favorite show on TV. I heard a saying on TV last night; you never know how good you have something until it's taken away from you. You take for granted looking outside and watching the snow fall and yet some people can't do that. Listening to your favorite CD or hearing your favoirte song on the radio, yet some people can't. It's the little things in life that make me happy, seeing the smile on friends faces, hearing someone laugh at your joke. There are not many things that I take for granted anymore because with a snap of a finger they could be taken away for some reason. I love the little things and when they come around I appreciate it in many ways. Then I look back at what I wrote up above and think, there are some children that are lucky to read a book. There are people that have to live with tooth pain but I am lucky enough to be having it looked at tomorrow. I do it everyday but then I stop and think, look at what I have and how lucky I am. I wouldn't give it up for anything. If I ever won a million dollars, I would probably donate a very good percent of it to charity. I wouldn't change at all. You would probably not even know that I had won anything. Maybe except for the new car in the driveway, hehehe, just kidding, okay maybe I'm not kidding, hehehe. So I will always take the small things as being the biggest things. I hope your day was great and filled with small things that make you happy.

Love, Peace and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, May 30, 2005 7:29 PM CDT

Hi everyone,

It's Memorial Day, please remember all who have served us bravely and continue to serve us bravely now. Because of them, we enjoy the luxury of freedom.

Do you remember, it was this time last year that Amy graduated from high school and was so looking forward to a summer of fun in the sun before she was going to make the big step of going to Saint Cloud State University and major in nursing? I remember. She was so excited. She was going to work on her tan, hang out with friends, go to Brittany and Brandon's sports games, visit Dylan and continue to live each and every day to the fullest because she never knew what the next day might bring. I'm so glad she was able to experience this time in her life but I so wish she could have fulfilled her life long dream of becoming a nurse. She would have been wonderful at it.

I just got this new cookbook and was I in for a surprise when I started to look through it. I was in the cakes, cookies and bars section and all of a sudden this recipe jumped out at me. It was called SLICE OF HEAVEN(contributed by Amy Mareck). I couldn't believe my eyes.
This was one of Amy's favorite recipes.

SLICE OF HEAVEN

German Chocolate cake mix
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 jar Mrs. Richardson hot fudge
1 jar Mrs. Richardson caramel
1 tub cool whip
Heath bars

Bake German chocolate cake accoring to directions on the box. Let stand 5-10 min. Poke toothpick holes in the top of the cake. Pour 1 can sweetened condensed milk over top. Mix half jar of hot fudge and caramel together; pour over top. Cover top of cake with cool whip. Crumble Heath bars over top. Serve cold or slightly warm. Very rich tasting. Makes 18 servings

I thought I would give you the recipe in case you were wondering what a Slice of Heaven would taste like.

Amy's parents had a very busy weekend. They went to visit Andy, Michele and Dylan and had a very enjoyable evening. Dylan was very entertaining. They went to visit Aunt Marcella, someone whom Amy was very fond of. My dad went to Fairview University Hospital to visit 5B. My mom wasn't ready to go there yet. She's emotionally not ready yet. My dad said he had a nice visit but it was very difficult. He visited with the nurses and one of Amy's doctors. The hardest part he said was looking toward the room that Amy passed away in. That part was really hard for him. I'm proud of him for having the strength to go there. None of the rest of us have been back there yet. My family spent today(memorial day) with them. We barbequed, played yard games, went for a walk and enjoyed visiting. Every time I go home I go into Amy's room and I can always feel her there. Maybe it's because of her stuff but maybe it's because she really is with me there at that time.

Amy's words of wisdom:

Don't worry about things that are in the future. Live in the time right now, not tomorrow, now. Tomorrow will be there for you to worry about things. Maybe the storm will pass over and you won't have anything to think about. So don't ruin the sunshine thinking about tomorrow's storms.

Love, Peace and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, May 23, 2005 10:19 AM CDT

Hi Everyone!

Ok, so it was another week of reality season finale's. I can't wait for these shows to be over so I don't live my life around TV. Our life is already too busy to worry about TV shows. I sound like all I do is watch TV, I really don't but I do like reality TV. I think it's Amy's fault. She's the one who got me started on Survivor and American Idol. Amy's friend Jodi from Philadelphia called me during The Bachelor finale to see if I was watching and just to say Hi. I was watching and so was she. She called during a commercial, just like Amy always used to do. If she would have called during the show I probably wouldn't have answered. Jodi, Thanks for being such an amazing friend to Amy. I can see and understand why she loved you so much. You were a gift to her. Thank you!!

Has anyone seen that new commercial on TV that is an advertisement for Chase Credit Card? The song playing in the background is 100 years by Five for Fighting. Everytime I see it, I think of Amy. It's funny how I think of it as being another way of her saying Hi. And then this past weekend, Brandon had his first big baseball tournament of the season and while sitting in the bleachers, we had a ladybug sighting, another sign to me, she's here, checking in, letting us know everything is alright. Thanks, Amy! Still loving you, always loving you and really missing you!!!

Amy's mom and dad say Hi, not much going on this week. Busy with work, house work, and yard work, the usual stuff. My mom told me this week that they are still receiving medical bills from when Amy was in the hospital. Can you believe that? It's been almost six months. I think that's just crazy.

This week I was thinking about the kids, nurses and doctors up on 5B, in the Fairview Inn. It's funny, over the past 5 years, our family spent many hours there with Amy. I haven't been there since. I want to go back someday, just to visit, but I have to say that right now I think the experience would haunt me, I don't know why. Those final hours with Amy in the hospital were so tramatic. I can see her in the halls and in the rooms and sitting at the nurses station, always smiling, but yet I can see the final moments of her life there, and that scares me because it's so vivid. Right now I want to pray for all those fighting there own battles in those halls and rooms of 5B. I want those kids to be strong and know that they can beat their battles. They have to be strong, determined and have positive attitudes. I'm sure that Angel Amy is checking up on them.

Amy's words:

Thanks for being here for me everyone. I know I'm not the worst off person but it makes me feel good that people care. It's more then some people. There are far more people that are worse than me; I don't want it to be that way though. I hope my story helps other kids/teens/adults and shows them that it can be done. You can have a life with cancer. You can do what you want if you put your mind to it and do it. You can beat it with determination, and having a good attitude. Just remember things can be done.
(Isn't my sister, Amy just the best. She was so smart and caring!!)

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, May 16, 2005 8:39 AM CDT

Hi,

Sorry this is late but being the sister of Amy, I'm sure you all are well aware that last night was a reality TV night. I just had to watch the Survivor Finale. Amy and I would always call one another during commercials of course whenever something really good or interesting or even bad happened on any particular episode. If the phone would ring during the show neither one of us would answer. I still remember her calling during a show on more than one occasion and I wouldn't answer and she would leave messages like, "I know you're there, pick up the phone, this will only take a minute," and than she would start giggling. Now I wish I would have saved some of those messages. My mom and I now keep in touch and talk about reality shows. She likes them too. Amazing Race finished up this past week and she was cheering against Rob and Amber(from Survivor) and I was cheering for them. They lost making my mom happy. I didn't really care but it made it interesting. I wonder who Amy would have been cheering for?

The gathering at Holy Family School was really nice. Lots of Amy's friends, family, neighbors and others came to remember Amy. We gathered at the enterance of the school where a stone and a (Rode-a-den-dron)spelling???? shrub was planted. The shrub was gorgeous with beautiful purple flowers on it. I forgot my camera, so Amy's brother Andy will put the pictures on here sometime this week so you can all see. Andy read Amy's poem and than we all tied blue ribbons on the shrub and trees in the area remembering Amy as we did. We gathered in the school cafeteria, ate a potluck meal and shared stories about Amy. Amy's dad spoke emotionally about Amy and thanked everyone for coming.

I spoke briefly with the final editor of Amy's book on Sunday and she said she is 95one. She will try her hardest to finish it up as soon as possible. She knows that everyone is anxious to read Amy's book. We are grateful that she is volunteering her time to edit this book and are confident it will be a "best seller," wouldn't that be cool!

May 17, 2002 was Amy's first journal entry. I thought I would share it with you.

Hello, my name is Amy Mareck, and I am 16 years old. I have osteogenic sarcoma, it's a bone cancer. I have been fighting for 2 1/2 years. I am going to the University of Minnesota for treatment and care. I made this page to keep in touch with friends and family.

I am doing pretty good today. I am still on chemo and will be done on Sunday. Then I have to switch to a different bag that has medicine to protect my bladder. I go to our local hospital to get my needle pulled. I have a port so that is really easy. Today I went to school, I have been in school for a while, but it was good today. I did good on a math test and a science project.
Well that's about it for now.
With love,
Amy*

Peace, love and hugs,
Amy's family*

Sunday, May 8, 2005 5:21 PM CDT

Hello,

First and most importantly, Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful mothers out there. Without our moms, none of us would exist. I'm sure that Amy was sending rays of sunshine down upon her mom today letting her know how much she loved her. Today has been a hard day. We really missed Amy. It was my mom's first Mother's day without her. Our thoughts and prayers were with her a lot today.

Also, I had better say Happy Birthday to one of Amy's favorite nephews and my favorite son(my only son)Brandon and Amy's favorite brother-in-law, Dicky.(I think, I hope.?!?!) They both celebrated birthdays this week. Brandon turned twelve on Wednesday and Dick turned ?? on Mother's Day. He's not too happy about sharing the day with me.(just kidding).

Amy's parents went to Brandon's baseball game on Wednesday. He figures they should come to every game because he hit 2 homeruns. I don't know if it was his birthday wish or the fact that his grandparents were there. I think Amy was giving him good luck. He still carries his Hope bear in his bat bag. The other kids told Brandon's grandparents they should always come because they were good luck. Amy's parents also babysat for Dylan on Saturday night. They really enjoy spending time with him. He is now at the age where he keeps everyone on their toes. Don't blink because if you do, he's gone looking for trouble. Amy loved her little Dill Pickle! We know she's loving him from heaven. She's the greatest Guardian Angel any of us could have.

On Sunday, May 15th at 5:00pm, everyone is welcome to join us for a gathering at Holy Family School where a tree will be planted and a garden stone will be placed in honor of Amy's memory. Afterwards there will be a gathering at the school cafeteria where we will share a potluck meal and happy memories of Amy.

Amy's* words of wisdom:

I hope everyone is enjoying life to the fullest. We never know when it's going to be over. Live today!!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's family*

Sunday, May 1, 2005 8:26 PM CDT

ADDED NEW PICTURES!

Hello!

Happy May Day!!!!!!!

It always amazes me how I sit down at the computer and think to myself, what would Amy like me to write about today? I really feel like most of the time she is right here with me when I sit down to write in her journal. I really believe she continues to keep a close eye on her webpage. It has to be Amy quality or else she boots it out like I believe she has done in the past where she makes me redue the entry. I envision her with her bright eyes and dimples giggling that giggle she had and going, "try again Denise." Hopefully that doesn't happen this time because I am on my first run.(Don't mess with me Amy or I won't put your words of wisdom at the end of the entry)he,he,he,he!!!!

Amy's been an Angel for four months now, can you believe it? I can't. I wonder about the things she's accomplishing in heaven. What's it like? Who's she with? Is she happy and safe? Does she miss us like we miss her? I know heaven is probably great, I just hope she's okay.

I know I always give you a weather report, we won't even go there this week. If Amy were here, she would tell it like it is but I will be kind and let you fill in the blank with any bad words you want. The weather here (_________) right now!!! Rain, hail, sleet, snow, cold, cold, cold. Hope it's better where you live.

My brother, Amy's brother, myself and our families went to Amy's parents house on Saturday to celebrate our dad's birthday. We knew he would be missing Amy on his birthday so we wanted to cheer him up. We cooked up a turkey on the grill, made some sweetcorn, mashed potatoes, dressing, etc. It was so good. What a feast. Amy would have been so happy because a lot of the things we had were some of her favorites. It made us think of her. We missed her, but continue to live life to the fullest for her. I hope she's proud. Then we went to Saturday night mass. It was a special mass for Amy. Brittany, Brandon and Dylan all lite a candle for her. We closed the night out by visiting her mossoleum and telling her we love her. It was a great day.

Amy's* words of wisdom:

Everyday you make choices and you have to live with those choices. Well, I choose to live my life the best I can. I choose to be positive and keep upbeat. I don't have to do that but I choose too. I try to make the best choices that will help me or someone else get along in life. I choose to live and not give up. I choose to always be the best I can and do the best I can when it may not be the best, it's the best to me. I choose to be the person I am. May your life be filled with great choices and that they fit you just right.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's family*

Monday, April 25, 2005 8:58 AM CDT

Hi

This week Amy would be full of Birthday wishes to her Aunt Maureen and especially to her DAD!!!! Her Aunt is celebrating on Wednesday and her DAD on Friday. So, Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Maureen and DAD. Happy Birthday to you. LOVE, AMY*

I'm going to sound just like Amy now, but I have to do a shout out to the staff at the Fairview Inn. It was so nice to see an entry from Jill, one of Amy's favorite nurses. You all meant so much to her. You were her second home. Personally I miss hearing about all of you. Amy always had a hospital update, who, what, where, when and why. We always knew what all of you were up to. We miss hearing about whats going on up on 5B. Amy's family misses you guys. The work that you do is so important and at times has to be so hard but know that it doesn't go unnoticed or is not appreciated. You are the best. This would also be a good time for us all to think about all the kids out there fighting their very own medical battles. They need our positive thoughts and prayers..................

I think I can comfortably say that Amy's book is near publication. The final edit is nearly completed. We are hoping that the same publisher who was interested in publishing Amy's book before she passed will still be interested now otherwise we have to find a publisher. I think we will be okay though. Cross your fingers.

Amy's mom and dad say Hi to all of you and you're supposed to have a great week!

Amy's* words of wisdom:

Often we think having fun means going out and doing something. It's not ture. Just being yourself, whether it's having a good sense of humor, being silly when the mood strikes you, or taking life in stride and embracing the fact that you are still alive is what makes life grand. Never forget it. Don't underestimate the importance of small gestures that bring you and others happiness. Any kind word or deed counts. Pieced together, these tiny gifts wave a fabric of peace that makes life easier and more enjoyable. Think of how you can add pockets of peace to every day with just a slight adjustment to your routine. This can teach us a lesson in life, how doing a small deed for someone, you may think it's small but to them it means the world. How just being happy and having a smile on your face can make someone else feely happy. So here is my big smile:) with the dimples on both sides!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, April 17, 2005 9:32 PM CDT

Hi to all,

Another week has gone by. I just continue to be amazed at how fast time goes by. A person really does need to figure out a way to slow time down. I remember being a kid and thinking how time couldn't go fast enough especially when waiting for the summer break to arrive during school. I think time is slowly healing our family. I sense a change in Amy's parents. Their life for five years, every day, every hour was about Amy and her health. They never really had time for themselves or never took time for themselves. They devoted their life to Amy. They wouldn't have changed anything. They loved her deeply. But, I can now see them emerging from behind the door of sadness. It is becoming their time. I see them making future plans, something they haven't done in a really long time. I see affection between them I haven't seen in years. The stress is melting away. I know they would take everything back if only to have Amy back but now that Amy is in heaven singing and dancing to her own tune in life, I'm glad my mom and dad(Amy's mom and dad) are starting to find a little happiness in life again. I'm happy to see them happy and I know that Amy is happy that they are happy.

I had a chance to see my parents pictures from our vacation in Florida. They turned out really nice. I'll have to try and borrow a couple from them to put on the site. I haven't developed mine. We always wait for the free double print deals so that we can share pictures instead of trying to get reprints. We haven't moved to a digital camera yet. I hope to someday soon. Anyway, I was saying how my parents seem to be emerging and slowly moving on, I took this picture of my mom and dad on the beach, they have their arms around one another and they look happy and my dad was sucking in his gut trying to look like this young punk with sunglasses on. It's quite the sight, but they're happy. A person never forgets, but the saying is true that time has a way of healing.

It is almost the end of the school year and Amy's scholarship entries have been received. The applicants had to write a short essay and draw a butterfly in order to be eligible. I'm excited to see the entries and help make a decision on who should recieve the first Amy Mareck scholarship. Amy is going to be helping some lucky winner work toward their dreams of the future.

This was one of Amy's last entries(November 7, 2004)
Amy's words of wisdom:

The other night I had the best dream ever. I had two good feet and I was playing basketball with the little kids and running, just like I always did. I miss my sports life, but I try not to think of it. I have accepted what was given to me for now until I can do it on my fake leg. Anyway it was so great shooting the ball and showing the little kids how to play. It always makes me wake up happy when I have dreams like that. I may not be able to play like that now but I'm glad I can in my dreams.

Which brings me to, please never ever take things for granted. You don't know what you have until it's gone. If you have to walk an extra parking spot at the mall, take it, walk that extra step. If you have to open that door for someone in need, open the door, take the extra step. Believe me if you take that extra step in anyway, I promise you won't regret it. Don't let one day go and say I will do it tomorrow, you don't know what's going to be handed to you the next day. You don't know where your life will be different. I don't know if anyone gets what I'm saying; just don't pass up the little things in life looking for the big ones or the easier ones. Give your child that extra hug, before bed, or say that one little prayer. I promise you'll never forget.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Monday, April 11, 2005 9:14 AM CDT

Hi!

Okay, I am spitting mad at this very moment. I had the most perfect entry ready to go and aol decided to kick me offline, or was it Amy once again letting me know she didn't like my entry. I don't know but I am not a happy camper at the moment. It is so hard to rewrite after one puts all their effort into the first entry, but I'll try again.

I absolutely love spring. I know Amy loved Summer but spring has to rank high on her list too. The weather is just to perfect. It's warm but not humid. Everything is turning green and the beautiful birds are returning after their winter breaks. The best part of all is that the pesty bugs are at a minimum, so one can enjoy being outdoors and not worry about swating at the bugs.

Amy's parents have been enjoying the outdoors too. They love going for long walks and visiting with neighbors and friends. Amy's dad has once again participated in a radio interview on the local Albany radio station, KASM. He did a fabulous job sharing Amy's story. He wants to help people gain an understanding of the disease,and to keep fighting for a cure. He want's people to know that you can live with cancer and be happy.

We went to visit Amy's resting place on Sunday. We hadn't been there since before we went on vacation. I brought her a seashell from Sanibel Island in Florida. They finally put her nameplate on her Mossoleum(I don't know how to spell that word, if it's wrong, Amy would be proud of me.) It was hard for me to see the nameplate because it was another thing that made it real that Amy isn't here physically anymore. I always have a hard time going to visit her Mossoleum because I know her physical body is there and I just want her to wake up. Even telling you this is hard and makes me cry because I just miss her so much.

I don't know what to say about Amy's book. It is no longer in my hands. It is in the hands of the final editor before it goes to a publisher. When Amy passed away, I think we all thought her book would be published immediately, but I guess there is lot more to the process than what we thought. The only thing I can say is this, "Good things come to those who wait," I guess I can wait a little longer and I hope you can too.

It is so hard to write a journal entry every week because I know that I can never live up to Amy's standards but I just want everyone who knew her to have a place to come to until your heart is healed from missing her. I don't know if I said that right but I just want you to have a place to come to so you can remember her. My favorite part of the journal entry each week is picking out some words from one of Amy's old journal entries because when I read the words, it sounds just like her. So here are some words from our beloved angel Amy:

I was thinking today. I have been fighting cancer for 3 1/2 years, where now it doesn't even faze me. I have become so accustom to it. When I think about it, there are a lot of kids that wouldn't be able to fight this long. Then I ask myself the question, Why Me, Why am I able to fight so long? Cancer is a part of me and will always be a part of me but it doesn't live my life. It doesn't control my attitude, my sense of humor, or my fighting power. I really truly believe that if it weren't for my determination to overcome this crap then I wouldn't be here. Yes the amazing doctors help but there is no medicine for attitude, or determination. That is something the person has to have and let me tell you, I have it. Beating cancer is physical but it's also mental. I really never let the fact that I have cancer let me down. I may have my moments but there aren't that many. I live my life just about the same as the next teenager. If it weren't for going to the doctor every Tuesday, I would be a "normal" teenager. I mean I go to school everyday. I do homework, talk on the phone, get into trouble(I'm not a perfect angel, althought I think I am,) have problems with everyday life besides cancer stuff, and hang out with friends. So I am living with cancer, it can be done. I have lived a life of cancer for 3 1/2 years, and for a while you really haven't noticed that I am still going through treatment, besides being gone on Tuesday. I mean I have hair, go to school everyday, and go to tons of school events. There was even someone at the radiothon that said I was a cancer survivor, which I am not, YET. I plan on being one though. I heard it's great. Most of the time you would never know it, if it wasn't for outside characteristics, I don't think you would ever know that I had cancer. I live my life day by day, treasuring all the good moments. And that's how I plan on doing it the rest of my life, till the day I die, which is a long time from now. I will continue to fight and win. I'm not going down and I WILL win.

I love you Amy and I miss you.

Peace, love and hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, April 3, 2005 6:19 PM CDT

Hello to all,

A person can't help but be in a good mood when the weather is as beautiful as it was today. It was a great outdoor day. The sky was bright and the sun was brighter and the warmth felt so good. This is weather I could get used to. Goodbye winter and snow. See you next year and take your time coming.(Sorry to all who love winte to happen, I think it's the worst but then once I get everything together, I know it could be worse.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's family*

Sunday, March 27, 2005 9:32 PM CST

Hello,

Happy Easter!!!!

Sorry it's been so, so, long. Yes, we went on a Spring Break vacation. The kids were off of school so we took them and kidnapped(just kidding) Amy's parents and took them to Orlando, Florida with us. Our family needed a reality break, so we left on the 18th and just got back today Easter Sunday. It was a great vacation and of course it went way too fast. We loved getting away from the cold of Minnesota and enjoyed the warmth of Florida. The day we left if you remember, Minnesota was hammered with alot of snow. We were really nervous that we wouldn't get out of MN because of the big storm. It was snowing hard when we left and our plane had to be de-iced and we were extremely anxious to get off the ground and everyone relaxed once we were finally in the air. We left from temperatures in the 20's and arrived in Florida to temperatures in the 70's to low 80's! NICE!!!! It was so nice to come home with a little bit of a tan. Amy would be so proud. We missed Amy on vacation but knew she would be happy because we went to visit her happy place.

I have to tell you that Orlando, Florida at this time of year is absolutely crazy. Spring Break, warm temperatures, the place was out of control. There were so many people there that a person could get claustrophobic real easy. We decided to avoid the parks, instead we had a real vacation of relaxation. We played lots of miniature golf, went swimming, shopping and went to a Twins baseball game in Fort Myers which was a 3-31/2 hour drive. Amy's parents relaxed and enjoyed being in Florida and spending time with the grandchildren. It was nice to see Amy's mom and dad sitting next to a pool drinking a cold beverage, reading a book and as Amy would say, "catching a few rays!" We even caught Amy's dad taking a nap and snoring softly on a chair by the pool. It was quite the sight. It's going to be hard to go back to the "real world." I kind of like the vacation world, I guess it's time to win the lottery.

Sorry the entry is short, but I think I'm still on vacation time and not quite back in the swing of things yet. It's time to unpack, do laundry and catch up on what we've missed.

Amy*s words:
Each day is a happy day for me. I wake up in the morning choosing to be happy. It doesn't matter what happens during the day, I choose to be happy no matter what, to do the best I can. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice, spend the day being sad and counting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that don't work, one leg, or I can be thankful for the ones that do work. Each day is a gift, and as long as I am happy and "healthy" I focus on the new day that comes my way and all the memories I've stored away. You can choose to be who you are and how you act and present yourself. You can choose your attitude, your ways you look at life, and what moments you want to remember forever. Well I choose to live, fight, and be happy. I choose to be the person I am. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Peace be with you all on this Easter Sunday!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, March 13, 2005 5:14 PM CST

Hi,

I just got home from visiting Amy's mom and dad and of course Amy's room. I don't know what it is, but I'm always drawn to her room and I try to spend as much time in there as I can. I am drawn to her room probably the same as so many are drawn to her website. You just can't help but come back to see the smile and read her words and feel her inspiration. That's how I feel when I'm in her room. I can see her and I can feel her. My parents end up coming in there to visit with me because that's where I want to be. Sitting in Amy's chair with my parents by my side, we visited Amy's caringbridge website today. It brought tears to my dad's eyes. He's wants all of you to know how special you are and how much you mean to him. He continues to be overwhelmed by the amount of people who continue to be drawn to Amy's site. In his words, "God, I miss that kid!" I told him Amy's site should help him heal and not make him cry. He knows that but he can't get over how many people care. My mom doesn't get as emotional but it's obvious that she can't get enough of the loving words you have for our precious Amy. Thank You!

My mom's test results turned out well. We are so thankful. Today she saw that I had asked for the power of prayer on Amy's website, I thought she would be mad but she wasn't. I only wish the power of prayer would have worked for Amy.

I found out that a maple tree will be planted at the Albany High School as a memorial to Amy. I also know that a tree will be planted at Holy Family School to honor her as well. I can't wait for the trees that haven't even been planted yet to grown up so that kids can hang out under the Amy trees.

Amy's dad was so excited this week when he got a phone call from some relatives in Seattle, WA. Mount St. Helens had just blown and he knew before anyone saw it on the news. He thought that was pretty cool. Nature facinates him but it means even more because he will be visiting Mount St. Helens later this summer when my mom and dad go there for a Mareck family reunion. My parents were sad when I told them I didn't think we would be able to go with them this year because we just found out that Brittany is going to need braces. I didn't realize how expensive they were. We'll just have to wait until the reunion comes back to Minnesota.

Amy's parents had an uneventful week and are looking forward to Spring and warm weather. They both enjoy doing activities outdoors and can't wait to plant their gardens.

Tonight they are going out to eat with the neighbors. Amy's parents have the best neighbors because they come together during good times and bad. They are the kind of people that my parents can count on. The same holds true for my mom's daycare families who give my mom a reason to get up each day. The kids keep my mom on her toes and give her a reason to smile. They too have been wonderful to my parents. Thank you.

Amys*words:

I have to tell you guys, I think you're the greatest in the world. I thank you so much for sticking by and helping when I need it. You never know how much someone really cares. So I must say, I care a whole bunch and thanks. Like I have said before, it's the little things, a message, a smile, a hug, a Hi. It all counts and I'm sure everyone likes them. So never forget the little things. I know I have said that before, but never forget.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, March 6, 2005 7:47 PM CST

Hello,

What an absolutely stunning day. Warm and beautiful. Spring is in the Minnesota air. It was the perfect day to go to a birthday party. Amy's precious little "dill pickle," Dylan turned one on Friday but celebrated with family today. It was also Dylan's mom's birthday today too! So, Happy 1st Brithday Dylan and Happy Brithday Michele! I have to say I was a little disappointed that he didn't destroy his first birthday cake and make a big mess. No, he was all neat and tidy about it. I hope he doesn't get a tummyache, he did eat alot of frosting. It was a great day and I know Amy was watching over as Dylan celebrated and she was probably sending him lots of Angel hugs and kisses.

The KS95 Radiothon was a great success. They raised over a million dollars. We listened all weekend, the stories are incredible and heartfelt. They mentioned Amy lots of times. She would be so proud to know that she was still a part of it even though she wasn't physically there. Her spirit was definately felt. I'm so proud of how hard she worked to raise money for the radiothon each year and it's amazing to see everyone continue to come together to raise money for such a great cause. Everyone can be very proud of themselves all the way from the volunteers to the kids themselves, many of whom show up to help show their support. Brittany, Brandon and I showed up on Saturday morning to be with Amy's mom and dad. We all wanted to be there to show our support and appreciation of such a wonderful cause. Amy's dad went "Live" on the radio to share Amy's story of cancer. It was very compelling. He even read Amy's poem, "the fight." He did a great job. I'm very proud. I wish I could have been so brave. Watching my dad talking on the radio brought tears to my eyes thinking that it should be Amy telling her story of cancer survival and not my dad telling Amy's story of cancer courage. Thanks to all who donated so that we can get closer to a cure and not have more endings like Amy's. These kids just don't deserve it, no one does!

Amy's parents have really been enjoying the basketball circuit. It's playoff time and they've been attending some Albany games as well as St. Bens games. They even made it to the final St. Cloud State Huskie hockey home game.

If you remember, Amy loved reality TV. We would call each other, especially after Survivor to talk about who got kicked off. Thinking back now, it makes me laugh beacuse I remember times when she would call during a commercial and leave a message on our answering machine because I had told her I wouldn't answer my phone during the show. She would say something like, "I know you're there, pick up the phone, it's a commercial, I need to tell you something," so I would have to pick up and she would be laughing her cute little laugh (he,he,he)and I could see those beautiful dimples of hers through the phone. She wouldn't even have anything to tell me, she just wanted to bug me. I miss that. My mom and I are now carrying on the traditon. We have to call and chat about the latest reality shows on TV. Survivor is still #1, but we like to watch American Idol, Amazing Race and The Apprentice too.

I know some of you are wondering about my mom's health news and right now we have no news. The waiting is very frustrating.

I have to tell you that I continue to be amazed at how many people, many people whom Amy never met, continue to come to her website. I'll meet people who know people who read her site. I talk to people who say they come back to find courage and strengh from Amy through her website. I feel so blessed to call her my sister. She is still such an inspiration to many people. It will be nice for everyone to have her book someday, and hopefully someday soon.

We had our first ladybug sighting in our home. Brittany had a ladybug crawling around on the vanity in her bathroom. She even counted the spots and there were 19, Amy's age. We figured she was stopping in to say Hi. We love you and we miss you Amy!

Amy's words:
Think of today, what you did. Now think of years down the road. Think of the things you did that you will be glad that you did today. Daydreamed, laughed, exercised, said I love you more often, spent more time with family, paused to praise, spent less money, gave something without expecting a return, lifted another person up, thought good thoughts, listened, spoke kindly, and most of all relaxed. Each day you should do something to make someone feel better if you know you did it or not. Maybe it could be as simple as smiling at someone. You never know what one person sees as something great and you see as something simple. You never know who's watching you. You could be someone's idol and you would never know it. Life is full of good things that you can give and receive. You make a difference in somebody's life. Everyone is important in their own way. Everyone has a quality that someone else doesn't. There is no other person that is like you. You are yourself and you're the best person to play that part. You may change someone's life by just being you. You're great no matter what.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, February 27, 2005 9:20 PM CST

Hi,

I'm not even going to tell you how hard this is to do for a second time. Somehow I managed to lose my first entry again. I blame Amy. I always think she's with me when I'm writing this and if she approves, it goes through and if it doesn't she makes me lose it somehow. So I'll try to do a better job this time Amy!

It's been three months since Amy's passing and it still seems like yesterday. It amazes me how time passes so quickly yet it seems to stand still. Everyday I miss her more. I know time heals and I'll be okay, I just want her back so that I can visit with her. I talk with her all the time, I just want her to talk back.

Amy's parents are as busy as ever. They went to a St. Bens College basketball game and an Albany High School playoff basketball game this week. They went to the Mall of America but had a hard time because that was one of Amy's favorite shopping malls. My dad spent some time at Holy Family school(Amy's old elementary school) visiting with the sixth grade class. Amy volunteered in that classroom before she passed away. They are still having a hard time and miss Amy very much. I'm glad my dad visited with them and I hope it helped the kids. He also was a guest speaker at a religion class this week where he talked about life and some about Amy's journey. I'm proud of him because I know it is something I couldn't do. I hope all of this helps him heal. They went to a benefit on Saturday for a little boy age 9, named Zachery who is from Albany and is currently undergoing intense Chemotherapy for cancer. Please say a prayer for him and all others who are fighting their own medical battles. My parents also went to a Angel of Light prayer service. The theme was "come and remember" those that have passed away. Amy's two best friends were there to light a candle for Amy.

Once again Amy would want me to remind you of the seventh annual KS95 Radiothon to benefit Children's Cancer Research Fund. Tune into the live broadcast from March 4-6 or bring your donations to Ridgedale Shopping Center in Minnetonka. If you can't do that, then check out their website at www.KS95.com Amy's parents will be at the mall on Saturday. Her dad is planning on doing an interview so I hope that goes okay. If you want to make a donation in Amy's honor, I'm sure you just have to let them know when you are making your donation.

I'm going to ask you to say a very special prayer for my mom(Amy's mom). She is going to find out some test results this week concerning a health issue. I know that she would be mad that I'm sharing this but I believe in the power of prayer and I want her to have as many as possible. So please say a prayer that her test results turn out well. Thank you.

Some words from Amy:
"Keep praying for all the kids with cancer and that kids that are free of cancer can stay cancer free. And also that all the people that have passed away from cancer that they're living an awesome life in heaven pain free and cancer free doing whatever they want."

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, February 20, 2005 1:36 PM CST

Hi to all,

I hope everyone had a love filled Valentine's Day. Amy's mom and dad went out to eat. Amy's mom said that Amy's dad really spoiled her this year. He bought her a beautiful tropical bouquet of flowers. We went out to eat with them on Wednesday. We went to Culver's. We had never been there. We thought it was really good, I'm sure we'll go back. They told me to tell all of you thank you for all your continued love and prayers.

I thought I'd let you know that my dad continues to recover from his work injury when his arm got caught under a working piston. He still has trouble using two of his fingers because of it. He says that it is slowly getting better. He also has been having back problems. Amy's mom say's it's from stress. I don't know. I hope it gets better soon.

A couple of Amy's friends stopped to say Hi to Amy's parents this week. They said they really enjoy visits from Amy's friends. I think it makes them feel better and I think it helps Amy's friends too.

My mom is keeping busy doing daycare. The kids keep her on her toes. We both are anxiously awaiting warm weather and sunshine to send kids outside to run around. The winter gets long when the kids have to stay cooped up inside.

Last week Amy's dad and brother Andy went to the Disney stock holders meeting in Minneapolis. They really enjoyed the experience. It was amazing to see all these important Disney executives all in one room and that includes the most important person of all, MICKEY MOUSE. Amy's dad felt honored that he had the chance to spend a few moments with Roy E. Disney, Walt Disney's brother, he thought that was pretty special. I thought it would have been boring to go to, now I kind of wished I would have went along, oh well.

Just a reminder that the KS95 Radiothon is coming up, Amy would want me to keep reminding you, so I will. It runs from March 4-6, so mark your calendars.

Amy's parents received a pair of Minnesota Gopher basketball tickets for Christmas. They went this weekend and watched the Gophers beat Ohio State. It was pretty exciting. Go Gophers.

An Amy quote:
Always say a prayer a day for someone special and if you don't know who to pray for, pray for all the kids with cancer that they stay strong and positive, even though that can be hard at times for the kids. They need your support.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Saturday, February 12, 2005 9:42 PM CST

Hi,

Once again, it's been a pretty uneventful week. I can't believe how time just keeps cruising by. I don't know about where you are but the weather here in central MN is great if you like it warm. Amy liked it warm and so do I. We're not used to weather like this in the middle of Febraury. I was thinking of her today as I was walking outside thinking maybe I should set up my lawnchair on the deck with the snow and try to catch a few rays as she would always say. Maybe get an early start on my summer tan. Some of us do get pretty white during the winter. A tan might be nice. I think the temperature was somewhere in the 40's maybe even 50, I don't know, it sure felt good. I'm sure Amy would have been outside today enjoying the beautiful weather. I can just hear her, guess what I did today, I went out and rode my bike, it was so nice.

Amy's parents continue to stay busy. Two of Amy's aunts, Eileen and Audrey came to visit this week. It was a good visit that my mom really enjoyed. They were going to play some card game, I can't remember the name, was it Canasta(I have no idea how to spell that, oh well, I tried.) I told her she'll have to invite them over and give it another try. My dad is busy with Watershed stuff. Somewhere along the line, he became president of the watershed district in the area where they live. I know he really enjoys it, but from the way it sounds, there are a lot of issues. What is the watershed, I can't even really tell you other than it has something to do with lakes, rivers, water quality and various water issues in the Albany and surrounding areas.

Amy would want me to let you know that the seventh annual KS95 Radiothon to benefit Children's Cancer Research Fund is coming up. Last year they raised nearly $1.3 million through generous donations, so start collecting all your loose change and big bills whatever you can handle and bring it to the Ridgedale Center in Minnetonka or tune into the broadcast on March 4-6, 2005 to find out how you can donate. I believe you can also go to WWW.KS95.com to pledge online or bid on items in the online auction. Trust me once you hear the incredible stories of these kids and how they face all odds with courage, grace and dignity, it's not hard to open up your wallet and make a difference in these kids lives by supporting research and treatment that may save their lives. Amy's dad is planning on doing a live interview sometime during the weekend. My mom and I are going along to support him. I think he's very brave to speak, I don't know that I could at this point in time. I'm afraid I'd probably get a little emotional.

Monday is February 14, Valentine's Day. I decided to look back at Amy's journal history to see what she had to say. This is part of her entry from 2003.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!! Hope it's filled with lots of Love, Hugs, and Kisses. Today is a day to show how much you love someone. I don't think you can ever tell someone to much that you love them. Kids, adults, grandparents, aunts, uncles, everyone, needs to know that they are loved. That could make someone feel special for one day or one minute, but I'm sure it will last a while. I love you are three very powerful words and you should mean it when you say it.

I know that Amy loved all of you very much and we love you for loving and supporting Amy and now her family. You were pillars of strengh and we thank you.

**I added new pictures**

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Saturday, February 5, 2005 9:23 PM CST

Hi,

It was a better week, not much, but better. It's crazy, death is just so final. It's hard to handle. She was such an incredible person who touched the lives of so many. She left such a big hole. Somehow we have to figure out how to fill it with her memories. It's the only way.

The Amy Mareck Scholarship has been established this week and some lucky person from Albany High School will be receiving the first Amy Mareck Scholarship this spring when they graduate. She would be really proud to know that because of her desire to live life to the fullest and her Never Give Up attitude, she will be helping someone else get closer to reaching their goal in life.

Amy's mom and dad continue to take everything day by day. It's hard for them to be in the house sometimes because everywhere they turn, they have an Amy memory. It's just incredible how much she impacted our lives. Last weekend they went to granddaughter Brittany's basketball tournament. After having such a down week last week,it made them feel better to see the grandchildren. The kids make them smile, so this is good. This weekend will also be a weekend filled with basketball for them. Saturday, they went to grandson Brandon's basketball tournament in Sartell. Then they went to a St. Cloud State vs. University of Minnesota-Mankato womens and mens basketball games on Saturday night. They were invited by a player on the UofM-Mankato team who also was a classmate of Amy's. When Amy played basketball, they were teammates and now she is a freshman playing college ball. I think after the game, they were going out with D. and her family to visit and reminisce. We too went to watch the game. It was a lot of fun especially to see the SCSU women score 103 points. Way to go! If that isn't enough basketball for Amy's parents, tomorrow they are going to a Timberwolves basketball game at the Target Center in Minneapolis. I think their seats are really close to the court, so watch ESPN sportscenter to see if you can catch a glimpse of them. I think after this weekend, they may not want to watch basketball for a while. I wonder if they will watch the SuperBowl. Probably, Amy always liked watching the commercials and then we would call each other to see which one we thought was the best. Most of the time we didn't even say anything about the game. It was all about the commercials.

We are continuing to work on Amy's book, Fighting For My Life. It is really hard for me to work on it. I think it will help me heal but emotionally right now, it is draining me. I get so caught up in what she has to say that sometimes I have to step back, collect myself, and then go back at it. She went through so much and was so strong mentally and physically. She carried a lot on her shoulders because she didn't want to worry or burden her family. It is sad for me to say, I don't think we will hit the March 28th goal like we wanted. I'm thinking that April or May sounds more realistic. It's taking more time than what we thought it would. I'm hoping the publishing phase won't take long. Hang in there, you won't be disappointed. She believed in her book and I believe in her book and soon all of you will get the chance to believe too! Amy Rocks!!!!

Have a great week and take a moment to think of an Amy memory, I hope it makes you smile.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Saturday, January 29, 2005 10:41 PM CST

Hello,

I just got home from working concessions at a St. Cloud State Huskies Hockey game. Amy loved going to the Huskies Hockey games. She always had to make sure she stopped to get a hockey arena hotdog. She said that there was no better hotdog than the hockey arena hotdog. I would always have to save any letover hotdogs we had and send them home with her. She used to love it when she was in the hospital and we would show up with a bag full of leftover hotdogs. She couldn't get to the microwave fast enough to warm them up. Silly girl!

Well, it finally happened, I had someone come up to me and ask me how Amy was doing. I probably looked really stupid because no words would come out of my mouth. Finally, I told them that Amy had died. They felt awful. It will probably happen again. I hope not. It made me feel very uncomfortable to say the words, Amy died. It's hard to even type the words.

I was talking to my mom tonight and I told her what an awful week I've been having. We came to realize that the whole family has been having a really hard time this week. I know that today is the second month anniversary of Amy's passing and that's been really hard but the whole week, I just don't understand. I think maybe now that the holidays are over and things seem like they are slowing down somewhat, it is just giving us more time to think. It is starting to really sink in, the reality that Amys not here anymore, she's not just on a vacation, she really isn't coming back. It's been really hard.

I know that some of Amy's friends have also been having a hard time and we just want you to know that Amy's family is there for you if you need to talk or visit or whatever. Lean on us, we'll help you.

I'm sorry this hasn't been the greatest entry, but this week has been one of those where you just kind of go through the motions and cope. I know that Amy would have a bad day sometimes and the next day she would be over it. She would always say that tomorrow is a new day. Well Amy, your family had a bad week and we are hoping to turn it around next week. We just miss you so much!!!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, January 23, 2005 8:21 PM CST

Hello,

I can't believe I'm doing this for a second time. Whatever I did the first time didn't work. So hear(here) I go again. It makes me wonder if Amy thought it wasn't quiet(quite) the way she liked it so she's making me do it over. And if she was hear(here) I would be giving her a few sisterly words of affection right now. It's really hard when you work on something and then you end up doing it over. So as Amy would say right now, I'm doing a little venting. But anyway here it goes.

This week was a pretty uneventful week until we received a blanket of snow on Friday. There was a lot of shoveling and snowblowing going on. Shoveling by us, snowblowing by everyone else. My husband obviously lives in the old world because he believes in good old manpower. I can't wait for him to move on. Oh well. So happily, my children went out to shovel and grumpily there(their) mom, that's me went out to shovel and my husband conviently was at work. By this you can tell I am not thrilled about the shoveling, but it was fun to do it with the kids.

This past Thursday was a really hard day for me and probably for the rest of my family too. Amy would have started her first day of college that day. She was so excited and we were so excited for her. She could not wait to start her college career at St. Cloud State University which is where her sister, brother, sister-in-law,uncle and a few others all went. She had it all planned out. It just makes me sad to think that she will never ever get the chance to experience it. She would have loved it. I'm sure the college of heaven is probably a lot more fun and a lot less stressful, so you just go girl and earn that heavenly diploma.

Amy's mom and dad have been working on setting up scholarships in Amy's honor this week. Amy had a passion for music, art and a career in nursing, so I think her scholarships will have something to do with those avenues. Amy may not have had the opportunity to go to college but she would be happy to know that she will be helping someone else get closer to their college dream. They also went to Andy and Michele's house and babysat for Dylan or should I say Dill Pickle, that's what Amy always called him, on Saturday. They enjoyed spending time with their grandson. He is a very busy ten month old who is absolutely adorable. On Sunday , they did the Amy thing and went Shopping! How can anyone go shopping now and not think of Amy. That's probably what she's doing in heaven, she's busy shopping.

You know, I was going to go back through this entry and check for spelling errors but I know that Amy never did that and so if you ever see any spelling errors, know that they are there to honor Amy. I put a few in the first paragraph just to be funny so I hope you're laughing at my Amy humor. And this way it covers me. You'll think, now did she really make that spelling error or did she make that error to make us think of Amy. I now have no worries when and if I make an error, you'll never know. I feel so much better now knowing that the pressure of spelling correctly has been lifted off of my shoulders. Just wait until you read her book. We left in all the spelling errors just for you. Just Kidding. Her book sounds just like her but minus the spelling errors, I hope!

Anyway, have a great week. Enjoy every day and remember to Never Give Up! Amy didn't.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Saturday, January 15, 2005 10:04 PM CST

Hello,

It is currently a blistering 12degrees below zero at this moment. That does not include the windchill. We've been trying the required experiments according to the T.V. weather guys. We've done the throwing of the warm water into the air and it comes back down in a cloud. Amy's dad told Brittany and Brandon they should put a banana outside tonight and see what happens. They didn't want to break Grandpa's heart but they already knew what was going to happen because they had seen it on the morning news where they showed a banana that had been left outside in extremely cold temperatures and it turns rock hard or I should say hammer hard. You can actually pound in a nail with a banana. Isn't cold fun? NOT!!! This is exactly what Amy would be saying. Because it's so cold she'd be busy trying to talk mom and dad into a quick trip to Florida.

We just finished going out to eat with Amy's mom and dad. We went to Applebee's. The food was great. My favorite part was watching Amy's mom, Brittany and Brandon eat their barbequed riblets. If you remember, this is one of Amy's favorite foods in the world. She was always up for eating barbequed ribs. Usually my kids order a burger or chicken. Not today, it was the riblets. They loved them. I wonder if Amy is influencing them. I think she must have been with us in spirit today. I know she is always with us in spirt but it must have been a stronger presence today because there was a lot of barbequed ribs on our table.

My parents attended a Tree of Hope ceremony at the Centra Care Health Plaza in St. Cloud. The Minnesota Tree is decorated with gold ribbons bearing the names of children with cancer. It was an extra special event that included the reading of Amy's poem. My parents said it was beautiful. I was planning on attending myself until my son ended up with a Championship game at the same exact time. This was the same tournament that I was talking about in the previous entry. Brandon was dedicating this game to his Auntie Amy and he believe's that she was there through Hope Bear(the bear that he still sleeps with and will always keep in his basketball bag whenever he has a game.) In case you might be wondering, they won the game and won the tournament. I bet there was a very special angel watching. I can see the dimples now.

One of Amy's friend is now the proud and currently very sore owner of an Amy tattoo. She had Amy's butterfly along with Amy's name tattooed on her ankle. If you've never seen Amy's butterfly, it can be seen at the CCRF website which is www.childrenscancer.org There is a little picture of it on the opening page. Anyway, she went to show Amy's parents the day she had it done. They were very touched once they got over how sore and painful they thought it must have been. Another of Amy's friends stopped in to visit with my parents and spend some time in Amy's room just remembering. It was a very nice visit that included a gift of generosity. Thank you for that.

Amy's book, what can I say. I have only this week completed reading it. She did a wonderful job. I am so proud. I originally did not want to read it until it was published but now feel it was necessary for family members to get involved and help complete it by helping with the editing process and filling in any holes her story might have. I am so honored and excited for all of you to read it. Jody G. and I are working very hard and we will get it done. Hang in there. I never knew how much work this would be until I started helping.

I would like to end this entry by having us think about all the Tsunami victims and their families. In Amy's own words from her book:

I learned in that moment that when you have the chance to help someone out, don't be afraid to just do it. People need help left and right in this world and I'm sure that someone in need would take the help if someone else offered. Even if it's a stranger, helping is an act of kindness and it is the best way to go. So take a stand and help someone in need.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Saturday, January 15, 2005 10:04 PM CST

Hello,

It is currently a blistering 12degrees below zero at this moment. That does not include the windchill. We've been trying the required experiments according to the T.V. weather guys. We've done the throwing of the warm water into the air and it comes back down in a cloud. Amy's dad told Brittany and Brandon they should put a banana outside tonight and see what happens. They didn't want to break Grandpa's heart but they already knew what was going to happen because they had seen it on the morning news where they showed a banana that had been left outside in extremely cold temperatures and it turns rock hard or I should say hammer hard. You can actually pound in a nail with a banana. Isn't cold fun? NOT!!! This is exactly what Amy would be saying. Because it's so cold she'd be busy trying to talk mom and dad into a quick trip to Florida.

We just finished going out to eat with Amy's mom and dad. We went to Applebee's. The food was great. My favorite part was watching Amy's mom, Brittany and Brandon eat their barbequed riblets. If you remember, this is one of Amy's favorite foods in the world. She was always up for eating barbequed ribs. Usually my kids order a burger or chicken. Not today, it was the riblets. They loved them. I wonder if Amy is influencing them. I think she must have been with us in spirit today. I know she is always with us in spirit but it must have been a stronger presence today because there was a lot of barbequed ribs on our table.

My parents attended a Tree of Hope ceremony at the Centra Care Health Plaza in St. Cloud. The Minnesota Tree is decorated with gold ribbons bearing the names of children with cancer. It was an extra special event that included the reading of Amy's poem. My parents said it was beautiful. I was planning on attending myself until my son ended up with a Championship game at the same exact time. This was the same tournament that I was talking about in the previous entry. Brandon was dedicating this game to his Auntie Amy and he believe's that she was there through Hope Bear(the bear that he still sleeps with and will always keep in his basketball bag whenever he has a game.) In case you might be wondering, they won the game and won the tournament. I bet there was a very special angel watching. I can see the dimples now.

One of Amy's friend is now the proud and currently very sore owner of an Amy tattoo. She had Amy's butterfly along with Amy's name tattooed on her ankle. If you've never seen Amy's butterfly, it can be seen at the CCRF website which is www.childrenscancer.org There is a little picture of it on the opening page. Anyway, she went to show Amy's parents the day she had it done. They were very touched once they got over how sore and painful they thought it must have been. Another of Amy's friends stopped in to visit with my parents and spend some time in Amy's room just remembering. It was a very nice visit that included a gift of generosity. Thank you for that.

Amy's book, what can I say. I have only this week completed reading it. She did a wonderful job. I am so proud. I originally did not want to read it until it was published but now feel it was necessary for family members to get involved and help complete it by helping with the editing process and filling in any holes her story might have. I am so honored and excited for all of you to read it. Jody G. and I are working very hard and we will get it done. Hang in there. I never knew how much work this would be until I started helping.

I would like to end this entry by having us think about all the Tsunami victims and their families. In Amy's own words from her book:

I learned in that moment that when you have the chance to help someone out, don't be afraid to just do it. People need help left and right in this world and I'm sure that someone in need would take the help if someone else offered. Even if it's a stranger, helping is an act of kindness and it is the best way to go. So take a stand and help someone in need.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Saturday, January 8, 2005 3:36 PM CST

Hello to all,

I have to share this with you because I just have too. I'm sitting at my computer and looking right at me is a picture of Amy that I placed there because I like to think about her when I'm writing to you. This picture is one of her funny one's. She is sitting by her computer and she is wearing these pink goggle glasses. They look like goggles that you wear in the swimming pool. She has this expression on her face that makes you think that she thinks she's really cool. I think she looks like a dork but I love it and I can say that because I'm her sister. Someday when I figure out how to actually put pictures on this site, I'll have to make sure that I include it. I think she may even at one point already have included this picture on her site. It just makes me smile and those have been few and far between since Angel Amy left us.

Amy's mom and dad would like you to know that their schedule continues to be a very busy one. Things just don't seem to be slowing down quite yet. Between work, visiting and various Amy things that need closure, they can't seem to find much free time. I know they found time to go and visit the Fairview Inn to visit and thank the doctor, nurses and various hospital staff that were involved with Amy's care over the past 5 years. It was very difficult and healing for them to do this. Today(Saturday) they were in St. Cloud at the St. Cloud State University fieldhouse to watch Brittany play basketball by 8:00am and then to the Whitney Center(also in St. Cloud on the other side of town) to watch Brandon play basketball by 9:10am. They then took a short break at Denise's house and than it was off to the cities to visit friends who have a daughter playing basketball in the afternoon which they also planned on attending. Then it's off to a house party and than a birthday party for someone who is turing 95 or 96, I don't quite remember but Happy Birthday Ray! Personally that's a little much for me in one day. Good Luck mom and dad. At this point in time I think they just really like to stay busy and that's ok as long as it doesn't get to be too much. The pace they are keeping is very Amy like. Go, Go, Go! Live each day to the fullest. She most certainly did.

I have to share a little story with you. It also happened today. Brandon, Brittany and Dylan had received their Hope Bear from Grandma and Grandpa this past Christmas. This gift was very sentimental to the kids. Brandon was very emotional about it. He sleeps with it every night and today he came walking out of his room with his bear and he says to me that his bear is going with him to his basketball games today. So he packs up his stuff for his games and in the bag goes Hope Bear. He feels like it is a piece of Amy and she's going to give him the little extra that he might need during the game. It was very touching. He's an 11 year old boy who misses his Aunt very much. We all do.

This leads me to something I read in a condolence card that was sent to my parents and I think it is a good way to end this entry and it is something that I will always remember:

We're changed now.
Not because she left us,
but because she touched us.

We continue to miss you and love you Amy. I hope heaven was ready for an awsome Angel like you.

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Saturday, January 1, 2005 6:39 PM CST

Hello everyone,

Happy New Year! It is January and until today we could still see the grass here in central Minnesota. That is a very unusual sight for this time of year. It started to snow, sleet, rain, thunder and lighten today. The weather just can't seem to decide what it wants to do.

It seems that things may settle down here a little now that the holidays are over. Everyone did a lot of visiting over the past few days. As a family we've been trying to finish up a lot of thank you cards from Amy's funeral. My mom and dad asked that I put a few thank you's on Amy's website. First they would like to thank everyone who visits Amy's website. They are completely overwhelmed by the amount of people who stop by and check out Amy's site. They've been enjoying reading the entries that you leave. They want to Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers at this time. They wanted to say Thanks to all the Cemo Angels out there. They received many cards in the mail from you. They also want to say Thanks to the caringbridge people who left entries and also sent cards. They also want to say thank you to all of you family, friends, daycare, neighbors, hospital staff and many others out there who were at the wake, the funeral, sent cards, flowers and brought food. We were overwhelmed with your generosity. I thank you for embracing them. This has been a very difficult time for them. They are doing ok though.

This week we had a Christmas gathering that included mom and dad, Andy and his family, Denise and her family. It was very nice to be together. Mom and Dad gave the two families a framed picture called Hallelujah Square by Sam Butcher. It is a Precious Moments picture that looks like heaven and there is a young girl waiting at the gate to go in and on the gate it says, No More Tears. It was a very precious gift. Brittany, Brandon and Dylan all got a TY Hope Bears as a memory of Amy. I don't know if you know but Amy had a Hope bear that she had from the very beginning of her journey with Cancer. That bear had been in the hospital every time she went. It has been through every surgery that Amy ever had. It even had it's own little hospital band with all Amy's information on it in case it got misplaced during a surgery. It never did. It was very much a part of Amy's journey. The kids were very touched. I know Brandon sleeps with his every night. He said it's nice to know that Amy is right by him as he sleeps. Michele and her sister Brittany also surpised Andy, Denise, Mom and Dad with photo collage's with pictures that included Amy and various family members. They were very nice. It was a lovely evening filled with old and new memories.

Today we celebrated Amy's mom's birthday at the Timberlodge Steakhouse, one of Amy's favorite. We are not allowed to talk about her age but we think she is as beautiful as ever. She received a new can opener because a long time ago Amy had said that mom needs a new can opener can someone remember to get one for moms birthday. So she got one and she remembers Amy making that comment too. It made her laugh at the memory.

Amy's book is now safe and sound on a disc. We have all been really nervous because nobody knew how to get it off of Amy's computer. Uncle Denny was the hero. Thanks Denny. We are still hoping to have it published by Spring. Thanks to all who sent in donations to help get it published. This continues to be Amy's and our dream, The publishing of her precious book.

We hope that your New Year starts exactly the way you wanted and that you are able to accomplish all of your new years resolutions. Remember Amy's motto: NEVER GIVE UP!

Peace, Love and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

Sunday, December 26, 2004 7:48 PM CST

Hello,

Finally a free moment. I don't know about everyone else but I am exhausted. Holidays are way to much work. 2004 is coming to a close. I'm hoping that with it comes a new beginning. A time for the Mareck family to mend their broken hearts and move on and embrace the 19 beautiful and memorable years that Amy has given us. I believe that she had such a big heart that she left a small piece with each one of us. We love her so much.

I know this past week Amy's parents went out to eat with the neighbors. They enjoyed the company. The neighbors can always be counted on by our family. Thank you.

Christmas Day! What a day. Amy's aunt and uncle, Denny and Maureen made a fabulous feast. Their house was beautifully decorated. The music was festive. The drinks were delicious and the company was the best. FAMILY is so important and has always been important especially to Amy. She loved her family endlessly. We missed her like crazy. We opened gifts. Brandon played with Maisy, Jeff and Michele's pug dog, all day long. Brittany was given a gift from her aunt and uncle that will be treasured all the more because it was supposed to be for Amy and was now given to her. It is a beautiful Saint James bag that uncle Denny brought all the way from France. What a treasure. Dylan entertained everyone all day long. He is the best 9 month old I've seen. Always content.

And now for the surprise for two very special people. Before Amy passed away, she was at the mall shopping in early November with her mom and dad. She had them try on these beautiful leather jackets and asked them what they thought and if they would ever wear jackets like that if they had them. They said yes, of course. The very next day, she went back to the mall and bought the leather jackets. She spent every last dollar she had on those jackets. She stashed them at her sisters house. On Christmas day, after watching a video in honor of Amy and listening to her most favorite tune, one that her family will treasure forever because it reminds us of her which by the way is: 100 Years by the group Five for Fighting. It is a beautiful song. We recommend it. I personally cry every time I hear it. I don't know if that is good or bad. Giving this gift was the hardest and most beautiful gift that Amy's brother and sister ever had to give to their parents in honor of Amy. What a moment. I can tell you this, there was a lot of tears. What a beautiful, beautiful gift Amy. Your mom and dad will be getting a hug from you each and every time they wear those jackets. I'm wondering if they will every take them off. They loved them. She also had a gift for everyone else. A butterfly bracelet from the Children's Cancer Research Fund website and a yellow Lance Armstrong bracelet. Gifts to be treasured forever. As Brittany and Brandon would always say, "You Rock, Amy!" It was a perfect ending to our day. Thank you Amy!! We love you and we miss you! We hope that your first Christmas up in heaven was great. I'm sure you were looking down upon us and smiling with those great big dimples as your mom and dad wrapped themselves up in their first hug from you in their brand new jackets.

We hope that everyone else treasured their Holiday time with their families and friends as much as we did. Family and friends are so important. Amy lived life to the fullest and we all have to remember to do the same. You just never know what tomorrow might bring.

Peace, love and hugs,
Amys Family*

Monday, December 20, 2004 10:03 AM CST

Happy Holidays to everyone,

Well another week has went by and we still don't know what to say other than we miss Amy soooooooo much. Christmas is going to be so tough without her this year. The only thing that will help us is that we will be together as a family and this will help us get through the day. That and one other little surprise that Amy, yes Amy, has in store for a couple of very important people. She was really good at surprises. I can't wait. I'm hoping it will bring a little bit of cheer and I'm sure a few tears but I will tell you all about it after Christmas just in case these very important people happen to be reading this site.

Anyway, this past weekend my mom's side of the family got together to celebrate Christmas. It was really nice to see almost everyone there. Everyone had a chance to visit and catch up. I have to say, there is nothing like family and friends to help you get through a hard time, so it was really nice to be with them.

Amy's book is continuing to be edited and we still hope it can be published by sometime this spring. We will make sure we let you know. Maybe it might be a good idea if you leave your e-mail address in Amy's guestbook and then we can do a massive e-mail to all interested people when the book is ready to go.

We hope that you all have a very safe and happy holiday season and may it be filled with peace, love, joy, and especially family.

Peace, love, and hugs,
Amy's family*

Tuesday, December 14, 2004 9:01 AM CST

Hello,

Like you, I still find myself coming back to Amy's website looking for her daily updates even though I talked to her almost everyday. It's been 2 weeks and it still hasn't gotten any easier. We miss her terribly. She was part of the soul of our family. I think we are mending, it's just going to take time. It's really hard to look forward to Christmas this year, in fact I think most of us can't wait for it to be over. The thing that keeps driving us right now is that we know Amy wrote her book. We can't wait until it gets published. It will be an extention of her and something that she was passionate about. It will be something physical to hold on to that is going to remind us of her journey. We can't wait to share this book with you because this was something that she wanted so much.

Can you believe Amy is gone and she is still giving to her family. Because of a friendship that she shared with some very special people, we her family were able to go to a Minnesota Viking Football game this past Sunday and spend it in a suite. A person could get real used to that. There's nothing like watching a game from the privacy of your own suite. Thanks Amy and thanks to Amy's friends. You guys are the greatest. It was so nice to be together as a family and spend a happy moment during a very sad time. We wish she could have been there with us.

Amy's family is doing ok and we are taking things day by day. We still keep waiting for her to come back. We continue to look for ladybugs because they remind us of her. Amy's mom said that she could probably never kill another ladybug. So calling all ladybugs head to Albany Minnesota and look for Amy's house because you will be safe there.

Once again, thanks for all the love that you've shared with Amy and her family. It has meant alot.

Love, Peace and Hugs,
Amy's Family*

************************************************************

Donation Information

Please send donations to the following address:

Central Minnesota Federal Credit Union
Amy Mareck's Fund
P.O. Box 339
Albany, MN. 56307

Donations will be used towards publishing Amy's book and also towards all her favorite charities and for future scholarships.

************************************************************

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 10:15 AM CST

****************************************

Update on donation information

Please send donations to the following address:

Central Minnesota Federal Credit Union
Amy Mareck's Fund
P.O. Box 339
Albany, Mn. 56307

Donations will be used towards publishing Amy's book and also towards all her favorite charities and future scholarships.
****************************************

Hello,

I don't even know where to begin. Our beautiful Amy is now an angel. Words cannot express how sad we are that Amy has moved on to a new journey. We miss her so much. We wait for her phone call, for her car to pull into the driveway, for her to show up at Brittany and Brandon's games. We wait for her beautiful smile and those great big beautiful dimples. We love her and treausure every day that we had with her.

I thought you'd like to know that Amy's mom and dad are doing OK. I can't even begin to explain how much everyone has helped them begin their healing process. Maybe it was the card you sent or seeing you at the wake or funeral. Maybe it was the phone call you made or short visit at their house. It could have even been a story you remember and shared with them. Amy's mom and dad never read Amy's website but I know that now it will be a part of their healing process to read and know what she shared with all her caringbridge family. You too, have helped them to begin to heal. We shared all of your entries with them after Amy passed. They are overwelmed by all the love. They knew that Amy was special but never knew how much. I thank all of you for your love and support of Amy and her family. We only hope that we can learn from her and become better people. She truly was an angel even here on earth and now she will continue her journey in heaven. We miss you and we love you, Amy!

Many people have expressed interest in making donations in Amy's honor to help get her book published and to go towards her beloved charities. Amy's dad is in the process of getting an account setup just for that. We should have the information available shortly.

Amy did finish writing her book and we will see that it gets published so that she can share her story with everyone. Things are already in motion. This was her dream and now this is our dream as her family. We will make it a reality for her. We are thankful for the people that have stepped forward to help us with the process. It will make things much easier.

Once again Thank you so much for everything you did for Amy. She loved her caringbridge website and everyone she met through it. You ment alot to her. We know, she told us all the time. And Thank You for what you've done for our family by sending your condolences. It makes us feel better to know that she was loved by many because we sure loved her and will miss her forever.

Thank you,
Amy's family

Friday, December 3, 2004 5:10 PM CST

Dear Friends,
I have the honor and privledge of writing this update from the room of our beautiful friend Amy. Amy's funeral was today here in her hometown of Albany, MN. I have never been to a more genuine place in my life. Her service was very special. Amy's classmates from high school were her pallbearers, and her father gave her eulogy. Amy's dad explained that Amy liked to have the last word, so at the conclusion of the service a taped interview of Amy from the KS95 radiothon was played with the song 100 Years, by Five For Fighting , it was just awsome. Amy's family and friends worked very hard to make sure that this tribute to her was nothing short of incredible, it was. I never got to meet Amy in person, and it is a true gift for me now, to sit here, in her house, in her room, with her special pillow on my lap writing this. You can feel the love in this house. I can understand now why Amy fought so hard, I would never have wanted to leave here either! Amy's family is so kind and loving, they of couse are so sad that her life here on earth has ended, but are holding up well.
And I must share with you the Ladybug sightings! Last night in my hotel room there was a Ladybug on the nightstand. I thought that was very strange considering it is December and about 15 degrees here! So this morning, I told Amy's sister Denise, and she thought so too. Well, at the cemetary, Denise called me over to her and told me that dring the entire service, a Lady bug was crawling around where Amy's family was sitting! Then, Michele, Amy's Sister in Law said there was a Lady Bug in their room last night too! I told this to Amy's Dad and he said, "You know who that was!"

For all of you Amy fans out there, Amy's book will be published, we hope by this spring! We will keep you updated! The book itself is written, and is in the final stages of being edited!

I hope all of you will keep Amy in your hearts forever as I know I will. she changed my life forever, she was the miracle. As I look to my right on Amy's desk, there is a sign that says "Each Day is A New Possibility". Yes it is, and Amy lived her life as if each new day was the possibility to make this world a better place!
Peace, Love, Hugs, Smiles, and Prayers
Jodi With an "I"

Please check back periodically as we will continue to update.

AMY LIVES ON!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004 5:33 PM CST

AMY MARIE MARECK
October 29, 1985 - November 29, 2004

The mass of Christian Burial, celebrating the life of Amy M. Mareck, age 19 of Albany, will be 11:00 AM Friday, December 3, at Seven Dolors Catholic Church in Albany. With her family and friends at her side, Amy died Monday at Fairview-University Children's Hospital after a 5 year, courageous battle with Osteosarcoma, a bone cancer. Burial will be in the Seven Dolors parish cemetary. There will be a visitation from 4:00 until 9:00 PM Thursday and again after 10:00 AM Friday at the Seven Dolors Parish Center. The St. Francis Cabrini Mission Group will pray at 4:30 PM with Seven Dolors parish prayers at 8:00 PM Thursday night at the parish center. Arrangements are being made by the Miller-Carlin-Brenny Funeral Home in Albany.

Amy was born in Albany on October 29, 1985 to Richard and Judith (Wohletz) Mareck. She grew up in Albany and graduated from Albany High School in 2004. Amy was a member of the National Honor Society and the Environmental Club. She loved sports, particularly baseball, basketball and football. She was involved in Punt, Pass and Kick. In 1999, Amy was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. Over the past five years, she endured countless rounds of chemotherapy, over 25 surgeries and five different sessions of radiation treatment. She had an outstanding optimistic attitude and determination to fight the disease that finally claimed her life. Amy was a member of Seven Dolors Catholic Church, and she volunteered for many organizations, including Holy Family School, Albany High School, Fairview University Children's Hospital, The Silver Lining Foundation in Aspen, Colorado and the KS95 Radiothon to help fight children's cancer.

Amy is survived by her parents, Richard and Judy, Albany, sister, Denise (Richard) Waldvogel, Sartell, brother, Andrew (Michele) Mareck, Otsego and niece and nephews; Brittany, Brandon and Dylan and relatives and friends. She is preceded in death by her grandparents and other relatives.

Remember Amy by living her motto, "Never Give Up!!"

Monday, November 29, 2004 3:58 PM CST

What can you say, AMY is truly an ANGEL. For five long hard fought years Amy put up the fight of her life. There were many ups and downs, however, Amy would always smile and say "NO Regrets" as she would only look forward, never backwards, as she kept looking for her miracle.

With many loving family and friends at her side AMY passed on to bigger and better things today at 2:20 p.m.

Please keep AMY in your thoughts and prayers as she begins her new journey. She wanted everyone to keep in their hearts all the good times she shared with all of you. They were so very precious and will never be forgotten.

AMY and her big beautiful dimples will forever look down upon us.

WE LOVE YOU AMY!

LOVE AMY'S FAMILY AND FREINDS

Sunday, November 28, 2004 4:36 PM CST

Just a short update. Amy spent time today with family and friends as she continues to fight. The struggle is getting a little harder but you all know Amy, SHE IS A FIGHTER AND WAITING FOR HER MIRICLE. The Fairview Inn is keeping Amy comfortable and she hopes you all continue to pray for her.

I"m having a horrible, rotten, no good,very bad day! THis will be short. iwill fill you in later, but pray pray pray. A miracle is in need now.
Love
Amy*

Thursday, November 25, 2004 11:45 PM CST

Had to get on here before Midnight to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!! : )

So they just gave me some lasixs, it's to make you pee, and you will have to give me a minute here, I will be right back, have to go,and I just went : ) Hold on.........Okay I'm back and empty : )

I just wanted to write a quick note to say Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope everyone had a great day and lots of great food, and that you got to spend it with family, friends, or whoever you wanted to spend it with. I was thankful today for my family, friends, faith, hope, being alive, and for each and everyone of you!!!!

My brother and Michele's house turned out great,or that's what I heard from everyone, I'm sure it did. I know they have been working hard on it, exspecially Michele, and she carried on the famliy dressing, just a little different then my moms, but she made it her own. They had 25 people all together in one house, but it was said to be fun. I called and talked to everyone right before dinner. So I got my hi's and Happy Thanksgivings in. My mom and dad then brought me a big plate of food down here afterwords, which was very good. A little corn, dressing, and mashpotato's mixed together, much say it was pretty good : )

Well health wise I'm doing okay. I have been on air ever since I got here, which is making me feel better. I have also been getting A LOT of junk out. But I pay for it. My throat has been kind of bad tonight, but I can live with it. I have been spiking daily fevers once or twice, and that's when my breathing gets the worst is when I have a fever. Otherwise I have been trying to take it as easy as possible. I got two units of blood already last night, and a unite of platelets today. I also found out that that my WBC and ANC were taking a spill so they started me on GCSF for right now, but I get it IV while in the hosptial, not bad. Tomorrow I will start with a new chemo that I cant remember the name off hand, I will let you know, but I do have to get a b-12 shot before hand.

Well I think i'm going to run, will try and get on here tomorrow.
Love you all lots
Amy*
P.S. thanks for the special call today, you know who you are. That made me feel on top of the world : ) to know that there are people out there like you. Thank you so much.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004 4:06 PM CST

That's just what I mean, your there to pick me up and you so so did. Thank you so much, and your right why should I let one person bring me down. That message is out of my mind and I look at and loved each and every other message left. Thank you so much. The only thing I can do is pray for that person who left that message, and hope that God helps then in whatever they need.

The notes, wow, I'm honored, and it took my breath away. They brought tears of joy, thank you so much, and I feel the prayers. I feel it working. You are always there when I need you and thank you so much for that.

Well here is the deal. The home health care nurse came this morning, and I had spiked a fever of of 102.3, had chills, and was icky. My O2, stats oxygen level was 86 just sitting, so well duh I'm not getting enough air, and that makes me a little nervous, a lot nervous. So the nurse called and told the hosptial everything, and I decided that I needed to be checked in, it works out because I won't have radiation the rest of the week anyway, and I will feel more comfortable if there is a doctor like 30 seconds away rather then a 911 personal 5 mintues away. So if I feel better on sunday, Monday I will be checked out so that I can start radiation again. I just feel more comfortable and safe there. So my dad is brinning me down in a few mintues.

I'm fighting my hardest right now, harder then I ever have. I'm in my frame of mind of fighting power. I'm determined to get over this infection, and get well again on the road to full fighting power. Plus thanks Mary Lee for the tip on the new drug, I will be mentioning it. Amy's on her high again and I"m going head on with fear and this challenge. I"m not standing down to this cancer, it's standing down to me. It's going down!!!!!!!!! And no one can tell me that I don't care about other people, I do and that message is out of my mind for good. I remember all the good ones.

Okay I have to run, were leaving. Okay so I'm not going to run, but walk ever so slowly.

Have the best Thanksgiving ever tomorrow, eat lots of turkey and dressing. Dressing is the best. I will give thanks for each and everyone of you.
Love you all very much
Amy*

Tuesday, November 23, 2004 9:10 PM CST

UPDATE: I'm sick to my stomach, I was just going through the guestbook notes, and found one that made me cry. Please if you look back on Tuesday Nov. 23, there was a person who signed off with fighting cancer too! Whoever it was I'm sorry if I didn't email you back, I'm sorry that your going through cancer as well, but this site I express how I feel, and it's one of the only ways I can do it. I can't hold it in. If you need to talk please email me again. But I"m sorry I didn't think it was very nice what you wrote. I know I'm not the only one fighting cancer, I have friends who died from cancer, so please don't tell me that I don't know. All I can say is that I'm sorry for you, and if you want to talk just email. It could have been that your email went in my junk mail, or I didn't know your email and I don't open and email if it doesn't have a subject, it's how I protect myself against viruses. So I'm sorry for whatever I did, but please, you don't have to read my site, if it makes you mad.

Anyone who has a caringbridge site, has this happened to you before, that someone left a message like this. It's very disheartning. I don't know where I would be if it wasnt for this website, and all of you. You mean so much and I turn to you everyday. So I'm sorry if I say something wrong, or sound like I'm moaning and I'm the only one with cancer, I don't mean it in anyway. I know there are other's, millions of others. I've had close friends die. I started this website so that I could talk openly with people, and that I could express my frustrations if need be, my mom and dad don't read it, so there are times when you know more then them. But please if I'm doing something wrong will someone tell me. I don't think that message was called for.

I had to get that off my chest before I went to bed. I'm really sorry if I"m doing something wrong or hurt someones feelings for not emailing back, I do the best I can and hit most of them. I love hearing from you, You pick me up when I'm down, and I really turely mean that.

So if this has happened to someone else could you maybe email me and tell me what to do? I promise to answer. I just don't know what to do with this message. Or how to take it.
Amy*

When will it go AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was one of those worst days ever. My life is crumbling under me, and I can't stop it. My scans, were terrible, the surgery that Dr. Hunter did really didn't do anything, and it could have gotten worse. I found out that there are lots of spots in my right side, i mean not even a number he could give me. I had a fever of 102.3, and was suppose to be admited, but I need to keep going with radiation, so they set me up with some good meds here at home. The thing is I still contiue to have a fever, but I'm not suppose to call unless it get's really bad. I'm so scared right now, oh so scared, you don't even know. They think I have pnemonia, so I can't spell that, right now its just fine, you know what I mean. That's probably why my breathing has been so bad, which I'm very very concerned about right now as I type this. I may just go in. When I sit and do nothing, I mean just sit, I'm okay but I just had like an attack where I wasn't getting enough air. I think I will be making a call.

I have to get blood and platelets friday, and clinic again next tuesday, that my sister, brother , and dad will be with.

I can no longer talk, I have to whisper, I'm off limits to talking, and I need to park it in my room. No more helping at school for awhile. I will miss you 6th graders, you are the best class ever!!!!! : )

When will it ever end? God please stop the cancer, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!! There out there, I know there out there, I have seen them.

I made it to radiation today, but they stayed longer just for me. They are so great at St.Cloud Radiation. The nurses and techs are great. I can't say enough about them, they have been so helpful, and flexible with radiation time, when I get stuck in the cities. So they are great.

I figured out a good way, knock on wood, to take my pills which I'm happy about and the right combo of pain meds to take before I eat that I can a little better, which I'm very happy about that. They are going to start me on Vit. though to make sure that I'm getting everything make it somewhat balanced. I have to get the Flinstones : )

On a brighter note, I got to see Laura and her scans were great, both chest and leg. I"m so so so happy for her. She's doing great, and loves college. I was so happy to see her, and of course Merilee : ) Thanks for being there today guys.

I think that's all I can say for now. My spirits are low, but I'm working on it, I"m not giving up on this monster. I have worked to long, and to hard, it has to go down. I think when we get this phenmonia, is that any better spelling??? whatever, cleared up and treated, I will be in better shape.

I'm not sure where I will update next but you will here from me somewhere, hopefully at home starting to feel better.
I love you all
Amy*

Monday, November 22, 2004 10:44 PM CST

It's never to late to update, is what I say. Today was a busy, yet not busy day. Which sounds really weird but I'm weird like that : )

Lately I'm just a slow poke and do things at the very last minute, or I remember at the very last minute. So this morning I took my time getting up and ready until I remembered I had to get my counts drawn, oops. Then there is this pill that I have to take an hour before I take the rest and oops kind of forgot that too, O well. So I got it done, and it took a half hour to get all my pills down but I got them down, and hopefully have a method to getting them down just a little easier. It's with the way I tilt my head and what not. I also drink warm liquid, which helps. Wait I think I said that yesterday, anyway I talked with Mary today about some of the pills I take, the non gell tab ones, which are the hardest to get down, and she's going to work on seeing if they can get them in gell tab form. I guess with this pill they may not be able to, because they normally don't, and that I take such a big amount of them it would be a crazy amount. so will see how that all works out.

My blood, HBG, came up nicely to 11.2, I'm running on blood again, and not water, I like it much better. My platelets are putzing though, they only came up to 27,000, which they keep my level or primiter above 30, so you know what that means, I get to go get some yummy platelets tomorrow, and I'm forsurly set up for Friday as well. They are pretty sure that it's from the combo of radiation and chemo pills. Wait I said that too yesterday, didn't I. O well you heard it twice now : )

I will find out tomorrow what my scans were on Thursday, at least I hope so. It has me a little worried though, because one, I didn't even know that I was going to see Uncle Joe tomorrow, but I am, and when I talked to Elisa she said it's always better to talk about scans in person, but the thing is, she's told me scan results on the phone before, so I wasn't sure how to take it. So I'm worried, but I'm not. So will see what happens tomorrow.

I'm still getting tired out from walking any such distance, but maybe that's becasue I wore my leg all day and that takes extra energy to do that. But my breathing gets pretty heavy after I do something. So I'm not sure what's up with that.

Tonight I totally lost my voice, I sound terrible, Maybe it will be better by morning.

Oh my dad is still doing good. He has a few finger's that he really can't feel, but he continues to get better, or at least he says he is.

Okay I think that's about it, and I need to get to bed, it's up early tomorrow, to be out the door early.
Love all
Amy*

Sunday, November 21, 2004 7:36 PM CST

A weekend of nothing, just what I wanted and needed!! Okay so I did something but it was all at a very slow and only when I wanted to pace.

We did a little shopping on Saturday, which was kind of hecktic, but I took the ride through the mall on wheels, so I wouldn't get tired.

Today was a very slow moving day as well. We had a little get together for Brittany's birthday tonight, but besides all that I watched the football game, which really how can the vikings be so so bad in the first half but then win in the end. I mean they looked so bad in teh beginning of the game that our own fans were booing them. I don't get it but whatever.

The biggest thing lately is that I can no long swallow anything from the radiation. I mean it really hurts to swallow my own spit, and you know it's bad then. The radiation is hitting my esophagus and doing big time damage. I mean the doctor said that they're tring to stay away from that as much as possible, but boy it's not working so well, and I haven't even had a full two weeks of radiation yet. I still have four weeks and a day, and if it's this bad already, I'm afraid of what's to come. I have to take a pain pill an hour before I take my regular pills and try to fit eating in there somewhere. I mean the pills are the hardest. I'm not getting all of them in a day anymore, I have to skip a dose which I'm going to talk to the doctor tomorrow about. I mean it never works out time wise, unless I wake up at 8 in the morning to take my morning pills. It's hard trying to get 48 pills down a day and it's not like they are little pills it's horse, cow, and pig pills four times a day. Now look at your favorite food and think that you can't eat it, isn't it an icky feeling. I have to stick with soup and soaking bread in it for meals now. Plus I look like a putz when we go out to eat because it takes me literally a half hour to eat half a sandwitch. O well I'm enjoying it more then others : ) Warm makes my thoart feel better. And actually cold makes it feel worse. Does anyone know why that would be, that cold hurts way more then warm. I was just wondering.

My sister's friend, who had the brain tumors, is doing great. She did a fantastic job during surgery. They were going to give up on her because it was getting to complex but they kept going and were able to get all of it out. She remained in a drug induced coma, and they brought her out to check on the brain waves and what not, and had her move her toes and fingures, which on command she did, and then they put her back into the coma for her brain to heal more. She's doing great now, and I'm not sure if she got to go home today or not. I mean gosh she had brain surgery on Wednesday, or was it Tuesday, anyway and they were thinking about letting her out yesterday already. Now one thing I'm not sure on is if it was cancerouse or not, I will have to ask my sister again. But the main thing is that she's doing good, and thank you so much for the prayers, they do work Miracles : )

Oh I'm am now on the schedule to start school January 20, 2005 at St. Cloud State University. Thank you very much. I'm taking English, ick, not my favorite, and sociology. I'll be going Tuesday and Thrusdays. English from 9 to 10:40 and then Sociology from 11 to 12:15, it works out perfect. i wasn't able to get the classes in the same building but they are right next to eachother though. So I will have M, W, and F to play around with if I need to go to the hosptial and I will have T, TH afternoons to play around with if I need to make clinic appointments. Uncle Joes clinics are always on Tuesday, Thursday, which I was worried about with school, but now that I have at least the afternoon open it should work out. I feel so old now. I still have to take the math placement test, which I think I may do here in the beginning of December, even though I won't be taking a math course right now, I may take it this summer, and then I will have it out of the way. Oh so if there is anyone who goes to SCSU and knows either Catherine Fox, or Tracy Ore, are they good? Or should I say are they nice?

I got a few new pictures up.

I have two prayer requests, Laura is back for a week from college and she has scans tomorrow, so think good thoughts, as well as my friend Jenna who is always a cancer fighter who has scans tomorrow and Friday I believe. I met Jenna over her website and she goes to the U for college and we met up when I was in for a surgery, so we got to be friends. She's pretty cools. So if you could keep these two girls in your prayers that would be great.

Well I think that's just about everything I know for now. I can feel my blood working in me again. I have more energy, still get tired from walking but that will just take a bit to regain. Man it's good to have good blood in you : )

Love you all
Amy*
p.s. enjoy swallowing, it's something so small and you don't even think about it, but enjoy it.

Friday, November 19, 2004 10:54 AM CST

Alrighty then, lets see how much I can hammer this out, and remeber.

Will start with Monday I guess. I had my ENT appointment down in the cities for that Monday morning and as long as I was going to be down at the clinic area I had my counts done as well. The ENT went great, and the doc looked at said your nose is completely different today then it was 15 days ago, which I could tell because I can now breath at night, which I love of course. I mean who wouldn't want to breath through their nose. So that was all good. I never found out my counts at all but thought they were fine because no one tried to call or tried to track me down, so whatever. I was already really starting to feel like crap though, because I couldn't get around very well, I was always out of breath, and could never breath very well. But I went on like nothing was wrong.

Tuesday, wasn't much better, energy wise. I couldn't make it more then 10 feet, if that at times, without stopping and trying to catch my breath. But then I figured that was becasue I was wearing my leg and that always takes a little extra strength to move around on that. So again I went on,and went to radiation for the day. Well when I got there I couldn't even make it to the door and I had to stop for a few mintues to just breath. What was wrong with me, was fluid building up in my lungs and I wasn't getting enough air, was one of my lungs or what I have left of anykind of a lung, was in collapsing on me, what was wrong. Then I found out the my HBG was LOW and that explained a whole bunch, but being on the steriods, I got all emotional, not in front of anyone, but in the car later, that why didn't anyone call to tell my counts were so low. There so good about that, but one of the people that always does it, is having a baby so I'm amsuming she wasn't there an no one really saw my counts, so that kind of upset me. But then I had to get things figured out I needed blood, but there was no openings on Wednesday and that would have ment that I wouldn't have needed to drive down to the cities yet again for the week. I got it set up though I was able to get blood on Thursday when I was going down anyway. So we left it with Thursday and I was going to stick it out over Wednesday. Fine whatever we got it figured out. Well when I went back to the car, I saw that someone, why anyone had to do it is beyond me, took my support your troops yellow ribbion off the back of the car. WHY??? is all I had to say, I mean what for? So that again, on steriods didn't help. So that's when I broke down and had to call my sister. I still had to go to SCSU for appointments and was past my ability of being fine for the day. Well I got to SCSU on time, early, but I didn't get to the guys door until 5 minutes late, just because I couldn't make it there. No energy, was really kicking in. I felt sick, and just wanted to go home. but I held it together and was able to move on. I met some nice people who were about to help me out figureing out things. Well I was done there and I still wasn't done for the day, i still had to see Fred, my leg guy, at 4:00 at it was already 4:00. By the time I got there I couldn't move and was at my ends. We were able to get things taken care of with my leg and I left. I was off for home and I couldn't have been more happy.

Wednesday I thought was going to be an okay day. Oh Tuesday I started to stop taking the steriod pills, but not completely, big mistake. Anyway wednesday was just fine, I made it to radiation on time, and was back at home within an hour. I walked in the door and knew something was wrong becasue my mom was waiting at the door. She told me that my dad was taken to the hospital because something had happened at work, but that's all she knew. Oh that really didn't sit well, and I lost it even more. Crying wise that is, I started having a panic attack, and couldn't control myself. My dad's job was never the greatest for the longest time and now that he got hurt, I was raging about the company, but that's not for me to talk about now. No one had called for awhile so my mom called someone from work, which there's no one that gave her a number to call, but she found someone. A pistion had come crushing down on his arm and and an inch either way he could have lost his arm, or it would have hit a major vessle and he would have bleed to death because they couldn't get the machine off of him. He was very lucky that it went in the middle of the radius and ulna and he didn't have any broken bones, it just hit some nerves, which he can't feel much of his arm right now, and it's all tinggly. He's putting up with the pain and I know it hurts like heck, but he's being a very good patient. It was on his right hand, which is worse because he's right handed so it makes things a little more difficult. I'm just thankful that he's still alive, that's all I care about, that he's still alive. Wednesday night I left for my brother's house so that I wouldn't have to be up as early on Thrusday for all the appointments. So I headed down there at 7:30, and when I got there it was pretty much I laid down and didn't move. But that was without worrying. My leg muscles started to hurt profoundly, remember now I had now not taken any steriods in over a day. Which I didn't know caused bone pain.

Thursday morning I woke up and couldn't move without clinching my face. My muscles just ached, and I mean alll my muscles ached. At first I didn't know how I was going to drive, but as I moved around it got a tindge better. I made it to the clinic early and got blood taken for my type an cross for blood. Which I then found out they did that monday and I wouldn't have had to come in so early, but did anyway tell me that, um no. Whatever is all I said and tried to get my scans done early, they were able to fit me in, which was really nice so that when I was done with that I could go to the Masonic Day Hospital and start getting my blood. It worked out well that the doctors that needed to see me were able to come up there, which was nice. I found out that I wouldn't only be getting two units of blood but two units of platelets as well. The radiation and chemo pills together are really doing a number on my counts, so I am already scheduled for something next Tuesday and friday if need be. I was able to meet with Susie, who is now my editor for my book, she's great, and Laura who brought me lunch and were able to talk about lots of things and get a bunch of things organized. I was happy with how everything turned out and it was great to just have their company. I had to miss radiation yesterday as I was suppose to get it at 3 but I didn't leave the clinic until 3:30. The day had one more thing in store for me. As I got to the car, I started freezing, shacking, and out of control. Remember again, no steriods, I was having a withdrawl and it wasn't pretty. I put my warm winter coat on, turned the heat all the way up, and shivered in the car for over 30 minutes, shaking, not breathing well, and was starting to panic. So I just sat there until I could control myself. I was glad becasue I had the steriod pills in the car so I took one instantly. Once that started to kick in I started to settle down, and got a little warmer. By the time I got home I was on a chair and not moving the rest of the night. I sat and watched my Thursday shows and went to bed. I had about enough of this week, don't you think..

Today I"m doing NOTHING, as I doing this weekend, NOTHING. I only have to be at radiation today and that's all I plan on being at. My blood has kicked in a little but I'm still pretty tired, but that will take time.

That was the dreadful week that I hope never comes back, I really found out how to take it a hour at a time, and a minute at times. I pushed on and got through it. This week is in the past and I hope to never see it again.

So is the whole nine yards. It's long but it's everything.I will let you go with all that and talk to you soon.
Love
Amy*

Thursday, November 18, 2004 9:23 PM CST

I'm back home once again, and tired out once again. It was a LONG day, that I fully intend on explainning tomorrow, which I know that's what I said like two different times this week, but tomorrow the only thing that I have to do is go to radiation and that's all I'm going to do so I will have the whole day to update you on the last three, four days. It could become a book, I have so much to tell. But for tonight I just want you to know that I'm home, my dad's doing better, and that I learned my lesson with steriods. Never just stop taking them. I really really really paid for it today, but will explain that tomorrow as well.

One little thing that I have to get off my chest quick though, is that my dipples, my pride and joy don't show up much anymore, because my face is getting all puffy, not something I like by the way. I'm sure no one likes when their faces gets puffy and now I know how the kids feel that have to be on them for long periods of time. I mean I miss my dipples, it was me, they were me. They made me who I am. So I"m not liking the side effects of steriods one little bit.

I will update soon,, I'm not going to promise, because well you saw what happened the last couple days but tomorrow I should be able to sit down and type.

Love
Amy*

Wednesday, November 17, 2004 6:46 PM CST

Sorry again, I won't be able to explain once again. I am doing a little better but had another thing today. My dad was taken to the hosptial from work, and could have lost his arm, if not his life, so i'm sure you could see that didn't sit very well. He's okay and his right arm is all numb and of course hurts, so I have been helping him and making him as comfortable as possible. He's okay though, and his arm is doing okay, but he's not out of the woods yet. So that's why I wasn't on earlier to update, I have to head out to my brothers house like now, I should have left an hour ago, becasue it's really foggy out, because I have to be in the cities tomorrow morning, early so this will give me just a little extra time in the morning if I stay at his house. So tomorrow will be busy with lots of things on my mind, but I'll do okay. It will be one of those take it an hour at a time, or if I need to a minute at a time.

Sorry to leave you hanging like this, but I"m doing okay just an hour at a time right now. I will update as soon as I can.
Love
Amy*

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 8:42 PM CST

Not the best day. This will be kind of short today, but I will update tomorrow with everything. It's not medically or anything but everything got to me today all at the same time, and I started loosing it mentally, but not because of medical things. I have been on the run everyday from 9 until 6 at night and it just caught up to me today. Plus, can steriods make you emotionlly, or just crabby? I'm not sure I really haven't been on steriods that much to know, but I just started to cry and couldn't stop, everything was falling in on me, and I was late to places, because I had NO energy, which I found out that I"m running on water and not blood. My HBG is lower then it has been and it kind of got to me a little as well that no one called to tell me. I found out today at radiation, which I should have found out yesterday already but didn't. So today I walked around like 5 feet and couldn't breath because I had nothing to work with. When I'm getting radiation they keep me above 10.0, when I'm not on radiation they keep me above 9.00 well I was at 8.5 which for me is very low, it may not seem low to other people but for me it's very low. So my energy level was getting to me, plus I was at my appointments, some of them, on time I just couldn't get to the door, so it looked like I was late but I wasn't. I had to take a break every so many feet, which was very scary because I didn't know at first that my HBG was low and when I couldn't walk very far, it's like what's wrong with me.

I made it to everywhere I needed to go today, but a very slow rate and a very tired out person. After radiation I broke down in the car and had to call my sister. I was shaking, literally, my leg was shaking, my heart rate was pounding out of my chest, I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't catch my wind, so it was a pretty intense moment for awhile, but my sister was able to calm me down.

So with the blood, they had no openings tomorrow, so I'm going to sit low, low tomorrow. I'm going to the 6th grade mass, but will come home afterwards and rest.

ya okay I will explain all this tomorrow, because Thrusdasy will be another one of those days where I will need to take it easy but have appointments like every hour. It's my big scans day, blood, editors, I will explain later.

Thanks for hearing me out tonight. It may not make sense but it's what I could get out for now.

I have to say a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY though to Brittany, she's 14 today,

And my sister's friend today had brain surgery that Denise my sister, only found out this morning. Her friend had a tumor the size of a baseball and another one, they are hoping that it's not cancerous, please no more cancer, but she is still probably in surgery as I type this. So could you please say a prayer for her family, for strength of what lies ahead of them. I will update you on her when I know a little more.

Thanks for everything, and I will explain all I can tomorrow. I'm off to bed, and I mean bed to sleep.
Love
Amy*

Sunday, November 14, 2004 6:01 PM CST

So sorry for the long delay in updating. It's not that I forgot, it's was a matter of I never had more then a minute to check emails, and notes, that I had to log off again, because I was on the go.

It's been literally, run, run, run, and well more running. I swear I only come home to sleep and am out the door the next morning and not back until later. It's been a lot of appointments, labs, counts, school, everything. You should see my calander, there is not a day empty throughout November until next week, and I still need to hit radiaiton everyday. It's crazyness : )

It's been fun though at times. LIke okay so my steriod pills have so kicked in and all I do is talk about food. I think people think I'm nuts, because food is part of everything. On the big dinner we had last night with great friends. It was at a place called Ichibans, a Japanese Steak House. O My Gosh!!! is all I have to say and it would sum up the night. Yes the food, was out of this world, my steak and chicken could have not been better prepared then they were. My dad had shrimp, and I'm not a big sea food eater but I LOVED it. The fried rice, oh was it just so heavenly good. The soup, the salad, the veggies, oy my gosh, is just what i"m going to have to say. I mean I can't talk about it enough. Even in my dreams last night I was helping people serve and tell them they have to try this, and this. It was just oh so good. Yes Amy's steriod pills have kicked in, and I dont' like it either in a way because I think my cheeks are getting puffy, : ( or at least I think they are. The thing is that my weight doesn't show any of this food crazyness. I mean I"m eating all the time, and even last night Merilee was was suprised, as was my mom, in what I all ate, I ate it all. But this morning after weighting myself, you wouldn't have known that I had eaten anything. Which i know I"m going to hear it at the next appointment Thursday with Uncle Joe. Maybe I just won't say anything, if he doesn't look well, then he won't know when I'm in the room. And he'll be thinking, gosh all she talks about is food, she's fine : ) I do, all I talk about food, and it's kind of funny. So Saturday nights food was out of this world. Plus I saved my fried rice to eat today and yes it was just as good, yum.

Onto the next food item I got today : ) I picked out a carmal pecan french silk pie, now if that doesn't put a pound on I really don't know what would. Yes that is just outstandingly good. Lets say Food is a Good Thing : )

i'm so proud of myself, I have my mom and dad's Christmas already picked out, paid for, and needs to be picked up tomorrow. I'm done, now that is an Amy recoard. I have no money left, but it's something that I wanted to do for them, that will tell them how I feel, so I'm all excited about giving them it already. Sshh don't tell !!!!

Friday night the hockey game was great. Food once again, I have best hotdog, the hockey arena hotdogs, the best in the world, and when my sister, Diane, or little Denise make them they couldn't be better : ) Remember food is a good thing : ) I told you it's uncontrolable about how I talk about it.

Tomorrow I head back down to the cities for the ENT doc. It will be an early start out, but hopefully I make it to radiaiton on time. Last Friday I had to call and say I was going to be late, but I was over an hour away and I had to be there in 10 minutes, like that was going to happen. So it's kind of hard right now with having appointments down in the cities and being back in St.Cloud by 1;15 everyday. On Thursday, however, I think I'm going to ask to push radiation back because that's when I get scans, and see uncle Joe and talk about what's next, and I don't want that to be rushed. It's already later in the day, so I hope that works out okay with the people in St.Cloud.

Well I hope to find time to pop on here real soon, so that the length doesn't have to get so long. I was just so full of info. Sorry it got so long. I told you it's been crazy.

Until the next time we talk, I hope your well, stay well, and have fun. Think about food : )
Love
Amy*

Thursday, November 11, 2004 9:28 PM CST

This is going to be real short tonight, I'm between like four different shows, you know it's Thrusday night : ) ER is on right now.

Just letting you know that I'm doing good, and today went well. Although, I went to get my legged fixed but Fred wasn't there, which I knew and tried someone different, but I think I may have made a mistake. I mean the ladie was really really nice and all but I think I'm going to see if I can get in a see Fred next week before they do anything dramatic. I was at school earlier, went from there to lunch, to radiation, to the leg appointment, to back home. I must say I don't know what I would do with my dad if I didn't go to HFS, I love the kids there.

Anyway tomorrow I'm heading down to the big city for some platelets earlier tomorrow morning so that I can be back by 1:15 for radiation, so it will be another busy day, plus I get to go to the hockey game tomorrow night, SCSU, go huskies!!!!

I'll let you know what were doing this weekend, later. It will be lots of fun, plus I"m so so so looking forward to the food, it will be great. I will explain all later.

Love all, and I will be in the metro area around 9:45 just to let you know, it won't be rush hour, but I'll still be there : )

Love
Amy*

Wednesday, November 10, 2004 2:38 PM CST

Oops forgot about yesterday : ) can't remember everything, it must be the old age : )

Yesterday I had the morning off and watched Sherk 2 with the scooter and Anders, two daycare kids. So we had out little bonding time, which was lots of fun. Kids are just the best. If you haven't seen that movie, it's one you hae to see, young and old.

I also had the honor of having lunch with "Uncle Gus", I have another uncle : ) and his wife along with the best family ever the chepokas's. They came up to have lunch which was so awesome. It's always a hoot when we get together, lots of fun things to talk about. Plus Uncle Gus and annie got a new puppy last Friday that's just to die for. He's the cutest little thing ever and his eyes. You could stare at him forever. If he were human he would be turning on the ladies, I must say. Anyway we had a great lunch and it was great catching up. We will have to do it again. I was just a tad late for radiation but I called and it was no big deal. I'm not very good on getting there on time anyway, and they know that. I get pretty close everyday though. One of these days I will be early : ) Maybe the last treatment.

Anyway radiation is going well, it's so funny how when getting chemo I can get so sick but radiation I hardle know anything is happening, which is great. Less pain the better, right, right!!

My schedule continues to be full. It's hard working everything in. I have a follow up with the ENT next monday, and maybe platelets friday, leg doctor tomorrow, counts, school, scheduling for school, lots of stuff. LIke I said I need to get a day planner. I try to keep everything in order, but there's an oops here and there, but nothing big.

ANyway I have been doing good, and trying to do what I can when I can. It's good to feel good. it's funny how life can be so down at times, but slowly they work their way back and that's what I have been doing. Working my way back and I have reached there but I continue to work hard on it. It's daily things that keep me well.

I think that's enough of my rambling for today. I think it was pretty much rambling today, but you have to have those days.

With Love
Amy*

Monday, November 8, 2004 9:01 PM CST

Run, run, run is what today was.

This morning is was my regular trip to the pharmacy to drop of some meds that needed to be filled. My mom and I counted it out last night and I take 361 pills in one week. Now I'm not saying anything, but that's a lot of pills.

I headed over to St.Cloud State to get things rolling for this spring for school, which starts January 20, how they see that as spring, I have no idea but I have a few classes that I might be taking. I think I'm only going to start off with 7 cerdits, which would work out to be two classes once a week, for right now is good, because i never know where I'm going to be at medically and the doc thinks I should start out slow, it's all good. So I had to get a few things for that, visit certain people, and have my name on a list. All and all we got the ball rolling and in the right direction for school to start.

Next it was off to radiation and to see the doctor today. It was my first treatment today, so one down, 5 weeks and 4 days to go : ) I'm going to have to start using a certain cream because of how the radiation will effect my skin and the area that they are treating by my neck is more sensitive then where they treated last time. So no biggy, what's another treatment to add. So everything is going in the right direction with that.

My counts are hanging in there but will more then likely have to get some platelets Friday. They were already down to 27,000, which isn't terrible but I need to get them up. Since this week will be so busy Friday will have to be the day. I have another leg appointment on Thursday because it got big again, so I need to get ajustments made on that. Tomorrow it's out to eat with some great friends, and treatment everyday at 1:15. So my days will fill up fast now. Plus I still plan on helping out at Holy Family school whenever I can which I would like to keep it at least 3 times a week. I told myself today that I need to get a day planner. I have a little calander that I have filled up each day with a million different things, so I need more space. I will be investing in one of those as soon as possible.

I have to make an appointment to see the ENT doc again. I finished my antibiotices and he wants a follow up, so that will have to be in the next week as well. My sinuses, knock on wood, big time, have been pretty good, I don't get congested at night anymore, just some pain in that cheek but that could be from my horners sydrome. So who knows when I will get that in there.

I think I need to slow it down a bit and enjoy life like I said yesterday. As I was laying on the table today getting radiation I was thinking to myself, that I am alive. I'm alive on Monday November 8 2004. You are alive on Monday november 8 2004. Just think for one minute at life. Every second a new life comes into this world. Life is such a powerful thing. What does the word life mean to you? It can be thought of in so many ways. LIFE!!!

With Love
Amy*

Sunday, November 7, 2004 6:35 PM CST

Is it sunday evening already, didn't I just say Friday??

Anyway the weekend was just pretty much how I wanted it. I didn't do much, but did enough to stay out of trouble : ) Saturday I don't think I got out of my pjs until 7:30 at night, and that's because a friend and I went to a movie. We went to see Ladder 49. Great movie, I reccommend it, it's one of those movies, that you don't like the ending, but it's a better movie because of the ending. Don't forget the tissues either, that goes for guys as well, not joking.

Today we had the best breakfast in like forever. We went to the Holy Family School breakfast and it was so good. Plus you would be proud of me for how much I actually ate. I have to work on that part again. But I ate lots and was so super full of wonder pancakes, sausage, ham, eggs, it was just yummy. I haven't been to one of their breakfastest like since I was in Holy Family School, could it have been that long, maybe not, but it was good. I mean the pancakes were perfect without any syrup or anything on them, perfect.

We also got to talk to a bunch of people that we haven't seen or talked to in a while. It was great catching up.

The other night I had the best dream ever. I had two good feet and I was playing basketball with the little kids, and running, just like I always did. I miss my sports life, but I try not to think of it. I have accepted what was given to me for now until I can do it on my fake leg. Anyway it was so great shooting the ball and showing the little kids how to play. It always makes me wake up happy when I have dreams like that. I may not be able to play like that now, but I'm glad I can in my dreams.

Which brings me to, please never ever take things for granite. You don't know what you have until it's gone. If you have to walk an extra parking spot at the mall, take it, walk that step. If you have to open that door for someone in need, open the door, take the extra step. Believe me if you take that extra step in anyway, I promise you won't regrete it. Don't let one day go and say I will do it tomorrow, you don't know what's going to be handed you the next day. You don't know where your life will be different. I don't know if anyway gets what I'm saying, just don't pass up the little things in life looking for the big ones or the easier ones. Give your child that extra hug, before bed, or say that one little prayer. I promise you'll never forget.

Until tomorrow, after a busy day of appoinments I love you all and give you all an extra hug.
Love
Amy*

Friday, November 5, 2004 6:16 PM CST

The wonders of Friday, itsn't it a great day : )

Yesterday I was back at school helping out. It was great to be back with the little kiddies. I think for the first night I was free from doing anything as well, maybe I was free Wednesday to, but I sat and did nothing, for a change. It was good for me though, I have been running everyday lately and it started to catch up with me. I was sleeping sometimes before 8 at night, and wow that's early. I think with running back and forth to the cities, st.cloud, and starting that chemo pill it's all coming down right now so I need to rest up for a few days. I don't think I have anything planned for this weekend, and I kind of want to keep it that way.

I was in St.Cloud for my final consultant with the radiation doctor, we just did extra for sure scans today and I start Monday with actual radiation, so I"m happy with how fast that all came together. I had lunh with a friend as well. He goes to State for school, so I was in the area, why not. It was great catching up, we have to do it more often. After that I headed over to my sister's house for a surprise visit. I went to visit her daycare kids, so it was a break from my mom's daycare kids. Lets say they are all kids, that's forsure.

Like I said before I'm a little slow moving these last couple days. I skipped going to school today because I woke up on time but didn't feel that well, with a tummyache, and headache, so I decided to sleep some more which helped.

My counts are doing good, with platelets at 40,000, that's good for me. My WBC was sitting at 19.6 but that's because of my steriods that I"m now to help reduce the swelling in my neck from the tumor. So does that mean if I had an infection somewhere it wouldn't show up? I'm not sure about that, just because I have rosey cheeks all the time, and sometimes aren't feeling all that great. I will have to keep an eye on it. I mean I never take my temp, so I wouldn't know from that. I normally only go by my counts. Plus if I don't know about it, well then the doctors don't know about, which means I don't have to go in. No no I wouldn't do that now would I : )

Well I think I'm going to head out of here for tonight and go cuddle up under my down blanket and watch some show's that I taped last night. See I just have so many shows to watch Thursday that I have to tape half of them. I don't watch tv anyother night, so I can make up for it on Thrusday.

Anyway I will talk to you soon.
love all
Amy*

Wednesday, November 3, 2004 11:04 AM CST

Did you Vote?!?!?!? I did, and felt so important picking a president that will run our country for the next four years.

Anyway yesterday was a replenisher on platelets. I'm sure they feel from the procedure and that I started back on the chemo pill. This time however everything went fine and I didn't react, which was a good thing. I also saw Uncle Joe before you had to fly out. We talked about a few different things, like the feeling in my left arm, if everything goes well I should be able to get rid of that pain and it should go back to normal. Also I should try to keep using it like I would anyother day, to keep the muscles moving. I go back to see him on the 18th of Novemember for scans and he said at that time I would more then likely see Dr. Hunter as well. Dr.Neglia thinks that if everything looks good with my right lung and it's stable that Dr. Hunter will go in and do the left side, which still on radiaition. So it will get hammered from two different angles. This cancer is going down.

It was so beautiful yesterday, it was a cloudy day in the morning but there were these great big raise of sun shinning through. I felt all the prayers coming on through. Then there was a section of the road where it was bright sun shine, and I felt them, and you with me. I knew at that moment that things were going in the right direction again. On the way home the sun was out the whole time. The power of prayer was coming through and I felt it, thank you for that. I know you have been working double time, and it's going to pay off.

Today I have not a one thing planned and that's the way I'm going to keep it. I haven't had a chance to work on my book for a few days, and I'm way behind in everything else, so today is going to be a me day, where I get some things done around here that needed to be done like a week ago.

I called St.Cloud this morning about my radiation and unfourtunately one of the machines is down so I probably won't get a call until tomorrow. It's only like a 25 minute drive to CentraCare for radiation rather then a 4 hour drive round trip if I had it in the cities. So I"m glad they were able to hook up with St.Cloud. I think I will be getting it for 6 weeks, 5 days a week, at least that's what the doctor said last Monday.

Well I worked my way back out of my hole and am back on track. I guess it took a scare like this to kick things into high gear, but it looks good from here, or at least I hope so. I'm back at my full strength for fighting this until I over come it.

Thanks for sticking by me, it truely means the world.
With Love
Amy*

Monday, November 1, 2004 6:51 PM CST

UPDATE: I'm doing good today and it went well, but I'm way to tired to update tonight. Sorry I have to get to bed before 1 tonight and I plan on it. I am way behind in sleep right now, so I will update tomorrow.
Love much
Amy*

UPDATE: November 2, 2004 GO VOTE!!!!

Gosh do I ever sit, I have been going since 8:30 this morning and haven't stopped since. It's crazy.

First off I have to say thank you for all the notes you have left, I feel the prayers, and I love each and every one of them. When I'm down I do really do turn to read the notes, so thank you for once again picking me up.

Second, I am so far behind in emails, so if you have emailed in the last couple days, and I haven't gotten back to you yet, it's coming. I just haven't had much computer time. I do read me email everyday though.

Third, I'm back to myself and fighting as strong and hard as I can. I put Friday behind me, I can't change it, it is what it is, and I'm moving forward with my days, taking them one at a time, as they come, it's all I can ask for. So day by day I go and I'm ready to do some cancer kicking butt.

Fourth, the radiation doctor today went great. I'm very very pleased with how everything is coming together so quickly. I already talked with the doctor and she's kind of filled in on my case, talking with me and the cities. She thinks that she can radiate higher up where it is in my neck and the upper part of the tumor below. She thinks that we can do a full course of 6 weeks, 5 days a week. Which was very hopefull and Uncle Joe is pleased as well. She seems like a great doctor, her name is Dr. Kaplan. She started on mapping out the spots this afternoon,and into tomorrow morning. She thinks she will be able to get back to me tomorrow already, and possible start with radiation by Friday. That's great news.

So what did I do with my afternoon in St.Cloud when I was done, of course went shopping. I haven't done any of my serious shopping in awhile, so I picked up some jeans and shirt from the Gap with a gift card, and sweater that I had my eye on at American Eagel. I hit it perfect it was on the clearance rack, couldn't be better : )

Lets see I don't know if you saw but I got some new pictures up yesterday and will leave them up for about a week, and then switch to new ones. Like i said I have lots, and when I can only put three on at a time, it takes time.

Anywho, I will get running and get a few things done around here that needed to be done last week, and by the way I have to head down to the cities tomorrow for platelets and I see Uncle Joe to have him look at my neck and get a hold on this whole thing. So it will be another busy day yet again.

Again anywho I will get going. Thank you again for the support you continue to show, and thank you for the prayers, everyone is needed and I feel them.
Love always
Amy*

Sunday, October 31, 2004 8:55 PM CST

What a weekend, I have been busy every moment of it up until now. I have to say that I'm doing better with handling everything, it still has hit pretty hard and still has a dent but it's healing. So let me start with saturday.

I had splet in late because I was up late with just thinking of what happened Friday. So I was in bed until early Saturday morning. Well when I got up Saturday I had to get dressed for my cousins wedding, which was great. Everything was so beautiful and the colors of all the dresses were perfect. Anyway so that started at 2:00 and we had to be there early because my mom and are godparents, so they needed pictures. Well as soon as the wedding was over Juli Evers picked me up at the church and we headed down to the cities for the Dawn of a Dream Gala for CCRF. We were volunteers. We arrived a beautifully decorated depot. Pumkins, and candles everywhere. I was salling ornaments with a few friends for the hosptial, Jill and Tori. I got to see lots of my doctors and took a picture of my uncle Joe and I with my leg on, so I will have to get that up on here. Well the event started with an introduction by Paul Majors, he use to work for Kare 11 news and has now gone to California. Anyway he was the host for the night. He flew in for the event which was great. It was roar when he walked onto the stage. So he started out and what not and then he said, "There is a very special person here tonight and her name is Amy Mareck". I had taken a break from selling so I was able to here that. He went on "Yesterday was Amy's birthday and it was rough day for her with scans, so I wanted to wish her a very happy birthday" And I got lots of cheers and claps. I was so in shock and I was standing with a friend, Isa and I almost broke out in tears, it was such a great moment. Anyway that was just so amazing and thoughtful and I don't know how he knew or who told him, but thank you so much. It made the night extra special and brought a big smile to my face. During the program Isa had tracked Paul down and he came over to say a very personal Happy birthday and I got three kisses on the cheek from him, he's very handsome, it was great.

Now the funny story of the night. Isa had gotten me a dinner from inside and I told her I can't eat this, and Uncle Joe came past and heard all of it and he said, "Now Amy you eat this food right now, the doctor said so" Anyway so Doug, brought me to a table and sat down with me along with Marilee, Laura's parents, and there was a pile of white stuff, oh yum mash potatos, so I took at bite and Oh it sure wasn't mash potatos, it was fish, and I'm not a fish fan, lets say it was a little hard to get down. Then I gave Doug a brosilsprout, I don't even know how to spell it, but he thought it was one two and put it in his mouth, and he said i don't know what this is but it's not a brosilsprout. Oops sorry doug. The steak was good though and carrots. It was a great evening meeting up with people that you don't see very much or from event to event. So it was great seeing everyone again. We had a great volunteer group as well out little hosptial group, of the Jahnkes, Juli, Jill and the Mcdonalds and I. Perfect. Well by the time Juli and I rolled back to the good ol' town of Albany it was 1:30 to 1:45 in the morning. It was a perfect evening and day. So i told my myself that I changed the day of my birthday this year it was Saturday and not Friday. Friday was to much a bad news day, but great night, but Saturday was a great day all around.

This morning was started off by a breakfast out with my friends who were home from college, lots of fun. By the time I got back from that we left for St.Cloud to get a few things, and came back from that and it was Trick-or-Treating time. I thought of the fastest costume that I could come up with and thought, I could be a couch potato, so that's what I was. I put my slippers on, pj pants, and my robe and away I went. Well it was the end of that and as we finished my aunt and uncle stopped by, so up until now it's been busy busy busy. I think it was good for me though, not to have time to think about anything.

That was my weekend. Tomorrow brings the radiation doctor, to hopefully start something by the end of the week if possible, and getting my college classes picked out. I have to call Uncle Joe tomorrow as well and just talk to him how I"m doing, he's just so great. And to let him know how the radiation appointment goes or will be went.

My pain meds are doing a pretty good job of keeping everything in line, which I'm very happy about. It was pretty bad for a week. But it's getting back on track.

Well this got kind of long, I'm going to try and get some pictures on here, I have so many new ones so I may have some new ones for a couple of weeks. I'll save the extra good ones until later, even though every picture is great.

I will let you go for tonight, and you can digest everything I just said. Have a good one.
Pray for a Miracle!!
With Love
Amy*
p.s. Happy Halloween!!!!

Friday, October 29, 2004 10:34 PM CDT

This is going to start off bad but hopefully work it's way into good.

Well I ended up calling my doctors yesterday, and they added a Chest CT this morning along with x-rays of my arm. The x-rays were kind of a just to make sure it wasn't something broke or anything, they and I know it's from the tumor. I headed down to my brothers house last night becasue I had to be at the hospital at 7:00 tihs morning, so it gave me an extra hour of sleep, which I very much needed. Seeing that I'm awake at night with a lot of pain from my arm. Anyway my back pain is under control but it's now my arm that's really not being controlled, so we moved up on some other pain meds, neurontin. There are times where I just cry from the pain, because there is nothing that I can do to stop it. Anyway last night My brother, Michele, and I sat in the Hot tub to see if that would relax the muscels, but no can do. So I took my pain meds for the night and tried to sleep through it.

I was up bright and early this morning to get on the road. I was at the hosptial for all my scans on time, that's a first. So I had a sinus, chest CT, and x-rays. I then headed over to get my platelets. Everything was fine with that until 5 minutes in when my lower back started to hurt very intensely. They stopped the bag, called my doctor, and after a visit and pre meds I was back on the road, just having them go in slower.

When I was done with those at 12:00 I had to see the radiation doctor. This was all decided yesterday as the tumor continues to grow faster then it ever has, and that my pain gets worse and half of my arm is getting more numb. So it was decided by her that I will be getting more radiation up in St. Cloud. It's closer to home. But there was a down fall my old doctor there, Dr. Meyers has left. So I will be dealing with a whole new doctor that doesn't know me, or my case. Anyway I see her on Monday at 11:00.

By this time of the day I was out of it, and could lose it any moment. I went to see my nurses, and as soon as I saw Erica, I broke down, as I'm starting to right now. Casey came over as well to help me out, followed by Jody. I was just having a rough time with it. Oh I didn't even tell you, the tumor on the chest CT was bigger within two weeks, which it really has never done before, and a resident found a bump on my neck, that's just great. Dr. Neglia doesn't think it's a new tumor but the tumor that's in there is causing a lot of pain. It's swelling up and it's coming out as a bump in my neck. I really have never been physically been able to feel my tumors so when I felt this one in my neck, ya well I lost it then too. After getting comfort from my nurses, I still had to go to the ENT doctor.

He said that he's going to have me try one more antibiotic for 10 days and if that doesn't work then he will have to go in surgically and get out or fix whatever the problem is. He said that CT looked about the same as the other one, but it could have been a little worse. So that didnt sit well.

What a great day to spend a birthday, at the hosptial hearing, bad news after the other. When it rains it pours.

Dr. Neglia called me on the way home and talked to me and told me to take some deep breaths. Were not throwing in the towl yet. He's going to possibly start me back on the chemo pill, seeing that it's gotten worse ever since I went off of it. He's also going to have me start on another pill that will hopefully take the swelling down. I need to call him again tomorrow and talk some things through, I'm just not sitting on this very well. I'm trying to kick myself into gear but it's stuck right now, it may take a day or two to get it going again. It's like it keeps kicking me in the face, time after time. It gets oh so hard after awhile, but don't worry I'm trying to work myself out of it.

Anyway tonight for my birthday my entire family went out to Old Chicago for my birthday and had pizza, yum. It was so good to be with them. And then I looked at all my cards from the 6th grader, the school I volunteer at. If I didn't get a smile out of that then I don't know what would work. They were great. We all had lots of fun tonight with lot of great pictures, I will have to post them soon. I will new pictures on here like every week for awhile, I just have so many.

So the whole day except for tonight pretty much sucked. That's the word I have to use. I'm not throwing the towl in yet either, I'm far from it. However I do need a MIRACLE, and they do happen. I have so much will to fight this down. I have so much fight left in me, you just don't know. I'm not going down easy, and i"m not going down at all, it can kick as hard as it wants, I will have a deffense coming back at it.

Happy Birthday Sister Dorthey. She is my old elem. principal. Her and I share the same day together. She's very nice and caring.

Anyway well it's getting late and I"m going to try and fall alseep, who knows if that will happen, but I will try. It's like Jodi said, try and not worry about it. sometimes easier said then done, but I will try.

so for tonight I will let you go, thanks for listening.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 7:05 PM CDT

UPDATE: I had to get this out, I'm scared out of my mind. Half of my left arm is burning and starting to go numb, and it hurts, even after a pain pill. The tumor maybe pinching a nerve and that's so not good. Like my horners sydrome, you know my lazy eye, well the doctor said that it may never go back to normal again, so does that mean if this tumor right now is pinching a nerve that this feeling will never go away, or that it will stay numb. I'm going to give my doctor a call in an hour or so if it doesn't get better, or I will make sure to hunt him down tomorrow, when I see him. It's just scaring me so much, because my arms are everything to me, it's how I get around. I now your praying already, but whatever is going on with this tumor right now, needs to STOP. I will let you know how everything turns out.
Love
Amy*

I'm home, and am moving around just like I was the other day. You wouldn't even know that I was in the hospital or that I had anything done.

Monday night I decorated a pumpkin, and it turned out really well. I will take a picture of it, I also have to carve one tomorrow as well. I do it every year and what's differnt about this year.

Tuesday morning it was up early and out the door to be at the clinic at 7:00, this time I was on time, thank you very much. I received platelets before I went in and had a post platelet count of 77,000!!! They felt they didn't need to give me any during the procedure, but they had already falled today. Anyway I was awake the whole time, la la ling there and ever so often asked for more sedation, because I would start watching the screens and be alittle freacked out, plus feeling them move the needle or tube or whatever they used, around. But was kind of fun to watch, yet weird. I didnt go in until 10:00 and was back on 5B at 2:00 after getting strick directions not to move. I had to lay flat for 6 hours, that means no moving my head. Well I kept moving my head so Josie one of the nurses actaully taped my head to the bed. I have pictures for you that I will get up soon. After that I was show and tell for everyone to come and see what she did. Erica was there to take care of me when I got out and today as well. And Holly was my nurses last night, night. I was doing pretty well except for the pain that I had at the site of the needle and of course my back. They put a comb of three different chemos in, the big heavy dose chemos, like adria, cysplat, and myomitacine, (sp) So they will be watching my counts. They should drop to bad becasue the chemo was put right into the tumor and it's not all over my body. But I will still need to take a shot tomorrow, that i found out cost $2,700 for just one shot of 2ccs of medication, that is a very small amount. Unfortunately they didn't do my left side first which is giving me all the pain. Dr. Neglia wasn't sure either. But they did do my right and got three tumors that were sitting in there and they were happy with how it went. The plan now is to come back in a month get rescaned and take another shot at my left side. However a month with that side really not getting anything is a little worry some to me. Just becasue of the fact that I"m loosing strength in that arm and now there's half of it that is really sensitive just to the touch, which could all be from that tumor pushing on nerves. I just dont' want that arm to be undependent. so they increased my pain meds, which I guess what I was taking before was a wimpy dose so they have me on some higher ones, to take the pain away or at least get to the edge of it. All and all everything went really well, I recovered fast and am back on track.

Happy Birthday Karen. She's one of my friends from the hosptial, and she had to be in on her chemo, ick, but I went to cheer her up : )

Today was also really cool becasue I got to meet Jenna, another cancer paitnet that has osteo, but she goes to the mayo clinic in Rochester. However she goes to school at the U and we have been email back and forth and I told her I would be in and that she could stop up, so she did. She's great and really nice. It was so great meeting her.

Although I got out of the hosptia today I go back down on Friday. I have to be there for a 7:00 Sinus CT, 8:30 platelets, and 2:15 ENT doctor. Yup it's back to the ENT doctor. They looked at my sinuses again today because I was haing some sharp pain and it was kind of red. So I"m going to get another scan done and the doc is going to take another look at it. He's a really nice guy. So I will be spending a good portion of the day down there, but hopfully will make it back for pizza with my family at Old Chicago, I love their pizza. Gosh it's funny two weeks ago I hadn't been busy for a month, now I'm busy everyday. I know what it was, I finally told one of my firends that we should go out to eat, and ever since then I always have to cancel on him, sorry cory.

Let me think, I think that's about it. I will get some of the pictures up on here in a few days. I'm going to try and take it easy for a couple days, like that ever happens, but I'm going to try. Anyway thank you so much for all the prayers, once again they have done a miracle, as I"m still alive and kicking. Prayer is a very powerful thing and i wouldn't be anywhere if it were for all the prayers. Thank you so very much.

Have a good evening and I will talk to you soon.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 9:40 PM CDT

Amy Update:
I just got off the phone with Amy. All is well at the Fairview Inn. I'm so glad that she is able to share her journey with all of you because she just continue's to amaze me with all of her strength and determination and I always knew she was a strong person but I know she's stronger because of everyone that she surrounds herself with and that includes everyone who reads this website. Her surgery went well and it sounds like they were successful with what they wanted to achieve. They only performed the procedure on one of her lungs and it wasn't the one that has been causing her some discomfort so she has some questions for the doctors. I think maybe in another month they may do the other side if this one is as successful as they hope. Can you believe that she was awake during this operation and she could watch on a monitor if she wanted to. She said she would sneek a peek every once in a while and then ask for more drugs because I think she probably saw more than she wanted to. If this would have been me, I would have made them knock me out, but she's alot stronger than I am. Go Amy Go! She says thanks for all the prayers and she hopes to be going home on Wednesday.

Monday, October 25, 2004 10:49 AM CDT

Good Monday morning to you all. I hope you had a excellent weekend.

Watching Dylan was great, we had lots of fun playing with toys, and lots of talks. It was great. My mom and I ended up staying over night. We went out for a walk in the morning and boy let me tell you, my wheelchair went in places that it has never gone before. My brother took me off the trail and we went off roading down to the mIssissippi river. That was interesting getting back up, but it was fun. It was the most peacful place around. There was no one in site, you heard the water running, and watched the birds fly above, it was awesome. We couldn't leave without a quick hand of Texas Hold em' I won, thank you very much. My dad had a good time with his aunt, they went out to dinner and then out dancing. My dad dance, are you crazy, but I guess he did. Anyway Savannah stopped in before she left for Duluth.

I have lots of things that are scaring me out of my mind as I type this. One, my back pain, it gets so intense at times that I know something has to be going on inside. It does't just hurt because. Which makes me believe that it's growing, and fast. I found out the other day that I can no long snap my figures on my left hand anymore. It just doesn't work, or it's like I don't have the feeling there or something. So this tumor is pushing or surrounding a nerve, which is not good at all. Then this morning my whole are kind of hurts a little, not to bad but it's different. Something needs to be done, and done now. This is the worst that it's ever gotten, and it scares me to pieces. I mean the tumor has never taken feeling away, and it's never made body movements different, so something is going on and it's not for the good. This is what lingers on in my mind, it's hard when your faced with that. I need to talk with Elisa today, which she should be calling with my counts sometime. They need to know this.

Well with all that, tomorrow is the big day, that will hopefully stop these things from happening, and hopefully take this pain away. I'm face to face with fear again. We meet in the ring to fight it out. I will fight just like every other fight I was put up against. Please pray for a successful procedure, I need this to work, because if its' progressing like it never has before then we need to move fast. And also that my platelets are somewhat up, or up enough that I can have this done tomorrow. I have had a lot of bruises, which is never a good thing. Another chanllenge has been given to me, and I will stand tall and take it as best as I can. I'm in this battle for the long haul, and if I wasn't then it would have been over a long time ago, this is one thing in my life that I will fight until the fat lady sings. Look out cancer here I come!!!!

My brother or sister will update as to how everything went tomorrow.

Please God send an angel to watch over everything. Help the doctors do there job at the best level. You know what's best, help it go alright.

I will see you guys on the flip side.
Thank you for all the support, I need it most in times like these. When I just don't know where I sit. Thanks for continuing to stop by and caring the way you do. Your helping me fight my fight.
With love and blessings
Amy*

Friday, October 22, 2004 10:40 AM CDT

It's a gloomy day out, but it's not freezing out, that's a plus.

Yesterday went alright, it was a sad day. However it was nice to see friends coming together to support the family. I was a little surprised that more people were there from our class, but I guess they were to busy. Anyway it well, you know what I mean. It was terrible but Matt and his brother are in a better place now.

It was great though that our little group of friends was back together yesterday,some were missing but a good chunk were there. It was great talking and catching up with everyone.

Well the pain is somewhat under control and that's somewhat. I hold off as long as I can because the pain killer makes me sleepy and itchy, but when it gets bad I just have to take it. I have an anti pill thing that stops the itchting. There's a certain word that I'm trying to think of that explains that, but I can't think of it right now. Would it be that adverse effect, that it doesn't make me itch. Okay I was just thinking out load.

This weekend my mom and I get to go babysit little Dill Pickle, Dylan. My great aunt is coming up this way so my dad is going to stay back for this time, because she wants to stop in and have him come out to the dance that she's going to. You have to know my great aunt Marcella. She dances the nights away on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I dont' know how she does it. Then she has a friend who is 94 years old and does the smae thing. i mean you would think he was in his early 80's later 70's He looks great for his age. Anyway my aunt wanted my dad to come out,so he'll be doing that.

I have to tell you the other day I was craving big time a philly cheese steak sandwich. Thinly sliced steak, with cheese, green peppers, and mushrooms, on a hoggie, as Jodi would say, yummy.I may have to fill that craving this weekend.

Well I think that's about all i know for now. I hope you have a terrific weekend. And please remember to BUCKLE UP, when driving!!!
Love
Amy*

Wednesday, October 20, 2004 10:30 AM CDT

Good Wednesday morning to you all. Hope this finds you well.

It's been a pretty low key couple days. Yesterday I had to get some ymmy platelets so I was down in the big city. It was a miracle though because I was back home by 3 in the afternoon, which never happens. I would have been home earlier but there was a crash on I94. So I'm all tanked up, which was a good thing because last night I was cutting an orange and it was slippery and I ended up cutting myself. Thank goodness for platelets, I wouldn't want to imagen what would have happened if I didn't have them on board. Because when I got my fingure stuck for blood on Monday it didn't stop bleeding and that was a little prick, this was a nice slice. Anyway I applied pressure to it right away and got it to stop with in seconds.

So I found out yesterday that I first go to the Masonic Day Hospital for next tuesday, that's where I get blood and platelets. Then they will do the procedure in Radiology in the hosptial.

My back area has been acting up again, it's hurting more then it usually does, and does get unbearable at times. I haven't really taken anything for it. Well I'm still on the celebrex from the protocal of the chemo pill. Dr. Neglia wanted me to stay on it. Anyway but that pain pill doesn't touch the pain that I have, not even taking the edge off of it. I have a stronger med but really don't like taking it because I get all itchy from it. Another one I get sick from and the one that would work I can't take because I'm on the celebrex. So I"m left at a stand still with that. Hopefully it will get better after this chemo injection. I know it's from the tumor pushing on a nerve. It's happened before.

Oh have to say Happy Birthday to one of my best friends Savannah!!

Today will be a pretty low down day. I will probably work on my book mostly. Tonight I have the wake for my friend. A few friends and I are going together.

Besides all that I'm all good. Oh Tori's scans were clear, yyaahh. She doesn't have to be back for another three months.

I will talk to you soon, and stay well and warm, cool if your in a warm state.
Love always
Amy*

Monday, October 18, 2004 1:53 PM CDT

Okay so here is the low down, the 411 on what's going to happen in the next week. So I'm scheduled for the surgery/procedure next Tuesday. I need to be there at 7:00 in the morning and it's going to start at 8:00. So I wasn't able to get in this week, but next tuesdays good. Then I have a week to play. I got my counts today and everything was good except for.........yup you guessed it, my platelets, they spilled again to 24,000. So tomorrow I"m heading to the cities for some yummy platelets. Dr. Hunter wants them to be at least 50,000 before he does anything, so I will then again get platelets before they start on Tuesday, during the surgery, and after, to keep them up. That's just fine with me, the more platelets the better. Actually could you say a prayer for platelets. They're such a big thing when going into to, not that anything starts bleeding and they can't stop it, so I'm hoping for lots of platelets.

OH MY GOSH, do you know what it was doing here yesterday SNOWING. Yes that's snowing. I'm not ready for that yet. I mean yesterday I had my warm pj pants on, a t-shirt, sweetshirt, a jacket, a winter hat, and gloves. And I was in the house. I mean we have the heat on and my mom and dad are fine, but I am always cold. People come and ask where I'm going and I say No where, I"m just cold. I'll have to take a picture next time.

So I knew I shouldn't have said anything about my sinuses yesterday. I made it until 5:00 this morning and shut they went. But I'm sticking with this nasal spray stuff, and I know it will take some time. I also have the humidifier running a lot of the time.

I have a couple prayer requests. One is for Tori, she has her scans tomorrow. It's been a year since her last surgery, so hopefully everything has stayed away. Two, one of my former class mates died in a car accidents along with his brother. Pray for his family to have comfort. Three for all the little kids with illnesses, they need every last prayer they can get. I look at me and think, I'm not even the worst of it, there are so many other little kids that need prayers.

So I will talk to you soon, and if your in warm weather enjoy it : )
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, October 17, 2004 9:14 AM CDT

Guess what, Guess what, My sinuses didn't get stuffed up last night, (big knock on wood) That's the first time in forever. I got the nasal sprays on board and got the humidfier going. I was so excited. The whole night of breathing through my nose was a good thing.

Brandon's football game was freezing, well I shouldn't talk, I watched from in the car. The wind was blowing, and temp was in the 30's, and I shouldn't complain that's not ever close to the worst of it yet. They won though. Brandon scored a touchdown, one of the only two, and got a few fumbles. He did a good job.

I went to see Lights, the football movie with Michael and Cory. It was a good movie, but the ending wasn't in my favor of liking. You have to like football to like the movie though, at least I think so. You could wait to rent it if you want to see it, it's not a you have to see movie. I want to see Ladder 49 though. I heard that's really good. Now I have to find someone to go with. Lots of my friends already went. Maybe I will just make them go twice.

Today I think we may go out to dinner at the Olive Garden, I love that place. I really like the salad. That's what I think I will order today, just lots of salad, yum. And we still have to find our Halloween things. So will be busy.

I'm feeling good. I have lots of energy from my blood last thrusday. Boy can I tell the difference. Blood is a good thing. So is every other count.

That's really all I know for today. If I get any news tomorrow, I will let you know. I really hope they were able to get me in this week. I know I would feel better. So I will talk to you soon.
With Love
Amy*

Friday, October 15, 2004 9:07 PM CDT

I'm back home from my week in the cities. Today went well, I guess. My bone scan, lets say I don't know how to read a scan but even I could see that there were tumors on the my ribs, that's not a good thing. Yet again I wasn't upset about it. Again I don't know if that's because I'm not a doctor and don't know for sure, even though I have seen enough of my scans and know somehow how to read it and what they look at. Or is it again that I'm just so numb to hearing or seeing bad news or scans that's it's just become my reality. So I don't know the final result on it but I know enough that will prepare me to hear the real result, even if I hear it. Sometimes I think they just don't tell me things because I have had/heard enough already, and they know that I'm going to keep going anyway. So as long as I know that it has grown they may feel that it doesn't matter how many are actually in my lungs or on my ribs. I now know that were dealing with more then just two, one big one on my left and one on my right. I know theres more then that, but yet again it doesn't matter because I'm going to fight just as hard. I already told Jody that I don't what to know if I'm going to live for one more day, or a week, or a month, or a year, it's just not going to matter to me. I'm going to fight just as hard either way.

The ENT doc, well I waited two hours to see him, bordem at it's worst. Anyway I told him about everything and he said at the end that when he first heard me he thought I would need surgery, but he looked at my scan and in my nose and he said it doesn't look terrible, but there is a little something. He just doesn't know if surgery would help it or not. So right now he told me to get a humitifier, don't know how to spell that one, and he perscribed two nasal sprays, so I really really really hope that works. I need to get a full nights rest sometime soon.

Mary never called today so she must have not been able to get a time yet. I hope it's next week though, the sooner the better. I don't like not doing nothing.

Tomorrow, were heading to Brandon's last football game. I'm going to freeze my butt off again : ) Or should I say my right hand. You do get that right, my right hand is always cold. Ha Ha : ) Anyway I am then going to meet up with some of my guy friends and going out to a movie. That will be lots of fun.

I hope you have a great weekend. I will update you when I know some more interesting details.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, October 14, 2004 12:08 AM CDT

I have a few minutes here at the hospital to do a little update. The appointment with Dr. Hunter went well yesterday and I'm going for the little surgery. It's another one where it puts me in a hard postion with the complications. OKay lets see if I can explain this so that you know what I"m talking about. So they are going to stick a big needle in the vein in my groin area, which last time it ended up being my neck. Anyway they will feed it up to my lungs and find the major blood vessle that's feeding these tumors, which I found out that there's more. So they will inject chemo directly into my brochiis that will go to all the tumores that are feeding off of them. So this chemo will hit more then one. They will then plug up those tiny vessles that the tumors don't get blood anymore and hopefully they will die. Yes but with this there comes big risks again. If any of this pulggin stuff seeps into a vein that supples my spine blood well then I'm faced with not walking again. If it seeps into a vein that supplies the rest of body blood well then it hits like the liver, intestines, ect. which then I would need a big surgery. Other thing that's working against me is that there haven't been many of these done. They do the injecting into the liver a lot but not the lungs. And Dr. Hunter did say that it has happened that people can no longer walk. Which right there is enough to scare me out of my wits. But I say that it has to be done. I'm again faced with fear, and will stand tall and strong. I will face fear in the eye and fight hard. I have taken risks along the way and i wouldnt' be here if it weren't for those risks.

So what does this intail. Well I could have side effects like chemo but much less because it's being pin pointed to one are, not my whole body. I did well with the last chemos that I dont' think it should be a problem. I will have to spend a night in the hosptial which it's not like I have ever stayed here before. And I kind of wanted to. Just to be sure, I don't want them to inject me with stuff into my lungs, which makes me breath and then send me home. Then I would be two hours away from help, because only the U knows how to handle my case. I've gone beyond any regular hosptial. So I"m all good with the say, plus it will give me a chance to catch up with the nurses.

Right now I"m waiting for my blood, they had to send a type and cross which takes two hours, but I thought they did that on Tuesday. So I won't start until like 1:30 and it takes 4 hours, so I will be sitten for awhile.

I tried to get ahold of Elisa today to set up the time for this little surgery but she's not here so Mary I think might be doing it. Otherwise I need to call and I don't like being on that end of it. Anyway I'm not sure when its going to happen but Dr. Hunter said he could probably get me in with in a week.

That's where I am with that. Staying at my brothers is good. I get to have Dylan time : )Plus it's much better thend riving back and forth everyday. Tomorrow is the bone scan and ENT, hope that goes well, and that they can figure out how to help me.

So I'm off, and thank you so much for the prayers, they are keeping me strong.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, October 12, 2004 1:03 PM CDT

UPDATE: So I am going to have a busy three days in the cities. We got a lot worked out for this week with the help of Elisa, and Dr. Neglia stating his case, well my case. Anyway The tube sticking won and Dr. Neglia talked with Dr. Hunter and he said it would be no problem and said we will give it a go. So with Uncle Joe and Elisa's guidence I am able to see Dr. Hunter tomorrow already. I will just be meeting with him and a look see, nothing is going to happen tomorrow. so that's at 2:30. Thursday I have blood which will take up a really good chunk of the day. And then Friday I have a Bone Scan and I'm set to see the ENT doc. So it will be a busy time. I'm staying at my brother's house so that I don't have to go back and forth everyday, plus it will save on the cost of filling up with gas. Boy is that expensive these days. I'm not sure when I will be able to update between now and Friday but I will try if anything happens. Anyway I will be on the go, but I'm so thankful that it's all in this week. Because right now I won't be covered by anything, chemo wise. They are hoping that this injection thing they're going to do will shrink the tumor on my left, so that Dr. Maddaus can go in and take it out. That would be great if they could do that. I thought I would just update you on all of that. So I will hopefully talk to you soon again.
Love all
Amy*

I'm back from todays appointment and it's a thumbs down yet a thumbs up. The results of my scans are the usual for me, it grew, and this time I knew it grew and I could tell from looking at the CT and I don't even know how to read a CT. Anyway the one in the left grew as did the one in the right, and there's a possibility that there are more in the right, Uncle Joe couldn't tell so radiology had to look at it. That was the thumbs down, the thumbs up is I have possible options again. It never seems to fail that good ol' Uncle Joe can find something. He's going to talk to Dr. Madduas this week and see what he can do, I may have to go see Dr. Maddaus personally. Then I also have to see Dr. Hunter, I believe, about sticking a tube right into the tumor and injecting it with something. He would only be able to do that for the one on the left, the big one, the others are to small. So anyway I need to see him. Then I have to get a bone scan this week. Oh were still not finished. I'm going back Thursday for blood as my HBG is low, so it will give me a boost. Dr. Neglia also told me to stop the chemo pill as we really don't know if it did anything, it could have slowed it down, but it didn't stop it, so I stop that today.

My sinuses, finally. They took a CT and Dr. Neglia took a better look at things and I have a lot of gunk stuck up there and it can't get out, so the verdict is, I'm going to see the ENT doctor sometime. At least that's finally rolling. I haven't had a descent nights rest in over 6 months. So I'm not sure what's going to happen with that. And he asked me if I ever broke my nose, and I said No. So something must be up in there, which will be figured out.

As I left he and Elisa reassured me that they weren't giving up on me. That's just what I needed to hear. It made me feel so much better.

Of course I had to go see my fun loving nurses. I can never be at the U and not stop to see them. So I don't have a withdrawl anymore I got to see them. Some of my favorites were there as well which made it even better.

All and all the day went good. I wasn't to happy about the scans, but what else is new, right. Sometimes I don't even know how I blow it off like I am now. It really doesn't bother me. Is that a good thing? What does that mean that it really doesn't bother me? Am I just so use to hearing it? I don't know. But I know that I'm still going to fight this cancer with all that I have, and that the doctors and nurses will help in that. Uncle Joe is on my side and finding things that are out there. Words can not explain how much he has helped me. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for him. So I'm looking forward to hopefully some good news that something can be done to take this cancer out. So pray pray pray. I need every last one of them.

Thanks for always standing by me and helping me when I need it the most. And most of all thank you for your prayers. Prayer is a powerful thing, and it works wonders.

With all that I will let you go and have a outstanding rest of the day. Never look back, look forward. The past can't be changed but the future still holds opportunities. With Love and strength
Amy*

Sunday, October 10, 2004 8:12 PM CDT

Hey everyone, I hope you all had a fabo weekend with lots of fun, family, and friends.

I had a great weekend, with little ups and downs but over all a good one. Saturday my mom and I went to a scrapbooking party for Michele, which turned out great. I got a whole Disney thing going one, with a personal Disney scrapbook, stickers, paper, cut outs, everything, and i'm going to scrapbook my Make-a-wish trip. It will be lots of fun and give me even more to do. Then last night Catherine came over for until late. We got all our talking in, and had fun.

My back was hurting, in that same spot it always does if it hurts, on my left top side on my sholder blade. Anyway I took a pain pill and boy did that knock me out. After Catherine left I couldn't get to my bed fast enough. Then this morning I was even more tired, but my back feels better. So today I was taking naps all the time. My brother and his family stopped in for a little bit, so I got to play with Dylan. He's just the cutest little thing. He's crawling and at the perfect age. I had lots of fun with him.

Later in the afternoon we headed to St.Cloud for a few things and stopped at the mall. It was so great. Sales everywhere plus my mom had a slip thing for an extra 15% off, have to take the deals. So I got some new jeans, which I needed, some comfy pants, and a shirt. I love it all.

That pretty much covered the weekend.

Tuesday I go down to the cities for my big day again. I'm not really looking forward to that. I have scans at 8 in the morning and then see Uncle Joe at 9. SO I will be out the door at 6:15. I really really really hope that the scans aren't bad. That maybe it just stayed the same. I have never had a very good run of scans ever. I hope Uncle Joe has come up with something to do with this cancer or that what I'm on now is working. And I hope that he can figure out my sinuses. If you could or can say a little prayer for tuesday that it goes well that would be great.

I think that's about it for now. I will talk with you, after the big appointment. Hopefully with good news.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, October 7, 2004 3:16 PM CDT

I really don't have much to say. Everything has been going really well. I'm feeling good, having fun, doing what I want without any limitations. It's perfect I must say.

The mysterious weather here in Minnesota has gotten nice again. It was 40 degrees with wind one day and the upper 70s the next day with sun. Now how it can jump that much is beyound me, but the warmer the better.

So I have this bug to pick. So my sinuses are still not better. I mean they really never got better. They are fine during the day and it's fine but at night they just shut up totally, and nothing seems to help. I have no idea what's up with it, and I really don't think the doctors know either. Because when they do a scan nothing is there. And the weird this is it's just at night when I'm laying down. So I'm confused on that. whatever

Volunteering has been going really well. I'm enjoying it lots, and I get to be around kids, it's all good.

Well gosh I really don't know what else to say right now. Maybe if I think of something more interesting I will let you know.

However, I do have a favor of you all. I'm deciding on a title for my book and am stuck between a couple of them. Out of the three I'm leaning towards one more then the others but want to get your opinion. So here are the choices
1. "The Fight of my Life"
2. "Fighting for my Life"
3. "Struggling to Survive"
This book tells my story from the beginning to right now. So between those what do you like best? I will explain my reasoning why I like one more then the others but I wanted to get your opinion to see if I overlooked something. So if you could please just leave a note with your answer that would be great.

Have a great one
Love always
Amy*

Tuesday, October 5, 2004 3:00 PM CDT

FIVE years ago my life changed for the worst and yet the better. Today was the day I found out I had cancer. I was in the O.R. for the first time of my life, having my leg biopsed. How far I have come. They say you can in some what way say after 5 years of being in remission that you are cancer free. Well in my 5 years I have had chemo non-stop and have fought every inch of the way to the best of my ability. In these 5 years it wasn't all bad. Look at all the events, people, a special moments I had. I wouldn't have met any of the amazing and outstanding people if it weren't for cancer. I wouldn't know so much about myself. I wouldn't know how to handle situations as well as I do now. I wouldn't have met my bestest nurses and doctors. I don't know what I would do if they weren't there. Yes having cancer sucks, but it's brought me many great things as well. There are times, still, that I cant' believe that I have cancer and that it's been going this long. It shows how much I will fight this thing and how much determination that I have. I will fight until the bitter/sweet end. So if it takes another 5 years, well then so be it. Although I hope it doesn't last another 5 years. I have come quite a way and my road has not ended yet, but I keep the star in sight. It will be will to win this thing, even if I have a slim chance, I will fight for that slim chance. I'm not going anywhere.

My counts look good and my platelets actually went up and not down. They only went from 39,000 to 41,000. It's a very small different but at least it was 2,000 higher then lower, so I will take it.

My dad and I had a nice day in St.Cloud doing a few things here and there. I got a good walk around the mall with my leg and man am I out of shape. I was so unbelieveably tired and I can tell every muscle that I use when walking. I mean my upper back just aches right now, but I guess no pain no gain.

Tomorrow it's back to school and I'm also going to help out at my high school in the science department. So it will keep me busy, well and then my book, that keeps me busy as well.

Anyway I hope you have a great day and never forget the small things. The smell of the fresh air, the sight of the changing colored trees, or the card you get in the mail that just says hi. It's the little things that make me the most happy.
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, October 3, 2004 7:52 PM CDT

Okay I'm now back to my cold self. I'm walking around with gloves and a hat on, and even a jacket at times. Even though the heat is on, I'm just always cold. The only time I'm warm is when I'm under my covers of my bed and that's only after a few hours when my body heat warms it all up. Wait I have no body heat, when the blankets warm me up.

Saturday my cousin's shower was great, and she had a great turn out. We played some great games, and had good food as well. I didn't know that I liked chicken salad that much, but it was great, as were the pickles. I'm a pickle person, and they were very good homemade pickles.

Today I spent at my sister's house while my mom and dad went furniture shopping, not my kind of shopping, but they went to the mall as well, which I found out that they had big sales everywhere. I missed a sale, o well next time. I taught my sister how to play cribbage, which was fun. That is such a great game to learn how to play. If you ever have a chance don't pass it up. I give free lessons : )

Tomorrow I get my blood taken again. I hope my platelets aren't to low, or maybe I need to have a replenisher soon. Will see how it turns out.

I have some more pictures from the vikings game on the photo page.

Well until I have news hope you stay well and healthy.
Love
Amy*

Friday, October 1, 2004 7:04 PM CDT

When they said it was going to get cold, they ment it. It's freezing here, and it's not even close to being bad, but it's cold and windy.

I spent the afternoon with Catherine, we went out for to Old Chicago for pizza and boy was it good. Yum I very much recommend their pizza.

I got some more done on my book and guess what, it will be 99.9or surely getting published. Jodi and I have more then likely decided on self publishing it in which case we have a grant that will more then likely fall through for me. It's truning out great. Now it just needs to be revised and get a few more things done with it and it should be in the very working stages.

This weekend I think we may be heading to Brandon's football game again tomorrow, and we also have a bridal shower this weekend for my cousin. It should be a fun weekend.

Anyway I can tell my platelets fell a little more, because I'm starting to burse a little more easily now. So I have a few black and blue marks.

I hope you all have a great weekend, with lots of fun. I don't think this weekend will be as exciting as last weekend, but it still will be a good one.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, September 30, 2004 1:21 PM CDT

It's the last day that it's going to be nice out before it hits the cold weather here. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm more of a warm person.

Well I just got back from volunteering at school and now I have another volunteer spot at the high school, in the science department, so I will be busy in all places. I think I will be doing mornings at holy family and then afternoons at the high school. It's been fun though.

I haven't had one of those headaches again so I'm happy about that, but I will be mentioning it at my next check-up, even though I'm sure we will find out the answer to it anyway, but I will think positivly.

Yesterday I had lunch with a good friend, Brenda, at the Olive Garden. You know their salad and breadsticks are the greatest, and their spaghetti and meat balls are the best. I must say it was a good lunch. Thank you brenda, next time Emily will have to come with.

Anyway I then had to go see Fred for the last time, until I need him again. The leg is fitting well, and it seems to be working well. Now I just have to get use to wearing it. Plus I still have a limp but that will take time to work out.
The book continues to do well. I'm enjoying doing it and am having fun writing with the help of Jodi. We make a good team. It's going well though.

I miss my nurses at the hosptial, I'm having withdrawls from them. I think I need to visit sometime, a month is just to long.

I think that's all I really know right now. don't forget to watch survivor tonight. Oh I have been getting into the show CSI now, it's actually pretty good. Anyway I will talk to you soon, and have the best day that you can.
with love
Amy*

Tuesday, September 28, 2004 4:07 PM CDT

What a nice day it is, not to hot and not to cold just right.

Today was the first day at Holy Family and I ended up staying the whole day, pretty much, I wasn't there right away in the morning but close enough. It was fun, cutting out paper, correcting tests, reading with the kids, it was all good. I go back tomorrow but for a shorter day.

My counts are looking good except for those platelets. They are falling slowly but still falling. I really don't like that but at least the rest of my counts are good. I guess I will have to live with it for now.

I have been having these weird headaches lately. They are really sharp pain but only on my left side of my head, which has me thinking but not bad thinking. It's kind by my eye, but it's gets really sharp at times, but I don't have it all the time. So I will have to keep an eye on it.

Well yesterday I rested and I needed it, I was so pooped from Sunday but it was all worth it.

Well what else can I tell you, tomorrow I'm going out to lunch with a friend, and seeing fred again for my leg. There are still little things that need to be worked out.

Gosh that's really all I can think of right now. So I'm going to let you go.
Love lots
Amy*

Sunday, September 26, 2004 9:34 PM CDT

Oh my gosh where do I even start. Well this weekend was fantastic, fun non-stop.

Saturday it was Brandon's football game, which he did great. He ran for like 50 yards, and caught a nice pass in the air. Then I got some cute pictures of him and I which aren't on here yet, but next week I will get them on. My mom and I had a little lunch afterwards and did a little shopping and headed home. I plopped on the bed, shut my eyes for a minute and was out. Later on I got to see Savannah and Matt who were home from college. It was so great seeing them. I miss them tons and tons.

Now for today, a dream come true. Wow!!!!!! We arrived at the stadium on time and were able to go in VIP, so we got to go in special double doors. When we got in it was down the tunnel and onto the actually football field. Oh my goodness. It was like heaven on earth. The players, the people, the envoirnment, Wow. It was so cool. This was all the help of Brad who treated us like stars. Oh first of all we got to go today because of Steve, the big teddy bear and his family getting tickets for us. Then with the help of his neighbor and some of the vikings players, it all worked out. Anyway I got to meet Gus Frerotte, the second string quarter back, who was super nice. He pulled some strings and I got to meet Cory Withrow a Center, Shaun Hills the thrid string QB, and Michael Bennette. They were all super nice, I mean they couldn't have been nicer. Then Brad pulled some strings and I got to meet Red Meccombes and his wife along with a few of their friends, and Mike Tice the head coach. Wow and that was only the beginning. We got to stay on the field until a half hour before kick off so I got to watch them warm up and do whatever. Very cool might I add. I got some great pictures which I have a few of them up on the site. Then it was up to our seats which were pretty good. We were 13 rows up in the upper deck in the end zone, but you could see everything. The stairs were a little devil though but I made it. My mom said my face got pretty white by the time we made it there. Anyway the vikings did great and won the game. And I'm still not done. We were off to meet the Chepokas's at the Hard Rock for dinner along with Gus and his family and Shaun and his girl friend, who was awesome. Gus wife and kids were great as well. I loved their kids the best the boys were fun to watch and Abby was the sweetest little girl. I think I liked her the best. Anyway we all had a blast enjoying eachothers company. It was great, it couldn't have gotten better. Well it did, I got a vikings hat signed by great people and a game ball. Wow what made me so special, it's was beyond what I expected. It was just great. We all said our goodbyes and I will have memories that will last a life time. The day couldn't have been any better. But I have to say Thank you so much to the chepokas's and their neighbor Barb, and Gus and his family along with Shaun and his girlfriend. These are awesome and fantastic people.

So tonight I'm all pooped out. I think I will sleep pretty good, with good dreams.

Tomorrow I was going to start at Holy Family School to volunteer, but I have a few medical things to do and I think I need to recover a day, so I will probably start Tuesday. Plus I need to work on my book tomorrow, seeing that I didn't get anything done this weekend, but it was all good though.

I hope you all had as good of a time this weekend as I did. Because I had a blast. It was duh bomb as steve would say : )
With Love
Amy*

Friday, September 24, 2004 10:54 AM CDT

My goodness i really can't believe that it's Friday again already. This week flew by.

Well since I dug myself out of the hole, I have been feeling better. I worked with my book pretty much all day yesterday, I even called a publisher. You know I don't make a very good sales person. I was so nervous. O well I guess I got my point across. Anyway things are still going really good with the book and thank you for your tips on publishers, I checked them all out.

Today I think i'm heading over to Holy Family School for a little program they are having. Taylor invited me and I think I'm going to start helping out next week.

This weekend should be fun. Tomorrow my mom and i are going to head to Brandons football game, and then on Sunday My mom, dad, and I get to go to the Vikings game, complements of the Chepokas's. I will give you all the details on Monday for that, but it should be lots and lots of fun. So this weekend I will keep busy doing fun things.

I had this weird thing this morning. You know how just the other day I was down and out because of everything that is going on, well this morning I couldn't believe that I have cancer. I know that's weird, and you would think well now with almost 5 years of having it I would have gotten use to it. Well I just starting thinking about everything and I couldn't believe it for some reason. I'm not sure why. It's just kind of funny that I thought that. I think it's becasue I have been out of the hospital for awhile and have been at home doing my normal things. Whatever, it was just a weird feeling.

Well I have to get dressed yet, I have been slow moving this morning. Anyway i will talk to you sooner then later.
Love you all very much, and thank you for always supporting me. I don't know where I would be today if it wasn't for you guys helping me along the way.
Amy*

Wednesday, September 22, 2004 10:46 AM CDT

I'm back and feeling 100% better. To tell you the turth yesterday morning didn't start out very well. I knew I was heading in the wrong direction and slipping into a very small depression. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to eat, I just wanted to sit and do nothing. Well I told myself, that's enough of that and forced myself to get out of bed, and doing my morning things. As the day progressed I started feeling better. I got to talk to Jody "Y" on Monday and then yesterday I talked to Jodi "I". Then I hung out with catherine yesterday afternoon and she cheered me up. I also called my sister and she got me going. Well and then all my good reality shows last night. Then reading your messages made me feel better. Feeling all the support of all of you. So with all that I worked it out and am back on the road.

Today is a whole new day, and it's a good day. This afternoon I have to have my leg checked out again to make sure everything is going correctly and to help get rid of my limp that I have. Then tonight were having Chinese, yum my favorite.

So it's onto a new day and day that i will make count.
Thank you for all your help and for you to continuing to support me during this fight.
With Love
Amy*
p.s. if anyone has any ideas how I could publish a book so that you can buy it. Or has any contacts that I could reach or anything, that would be great. You can just drop a line on here or my email, I check either one everyday. Thanks a bunch

Tuesday, September 21, 2004 10:30 AM CDT

Well lets see what do I say. It's a rainy, gray day here. So I curled up in my blankets and slept a little longer this morning. I'm in a little hole right now, emotionally and need to work my way back out of it. My mind is getting the best of me. i'm working at it though, I emailed Jody,and she called back and I got to get all my frustrations out, which helped lots. This is just a bump in the road right now, that I need to make it over. I just need a little push.

Well my counts were good except for my platelets, they are only sitting at 45,000, which isn't horrible but not where I would like them to be sitting. It's from doubling up on the chemo pill.

Everything else though is going good. The book is going good, and my leg is working out well.

Tonight are two of my reality show finals. So you all know where I will be. I'm just a reality t.v. person, what can I do about it.

Well that's really all I can think of right now. Maybe I'll come up with something better tomorrow. Right now I'm working on getting out of this hole.

So until next time
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, September 19, 2004 7:46 PM CDT

I can't believe the weekend is over already, it went by so fast.

The garage sale went well, I got rid of stuff that I wanted to get rid of. My room is only that big, before it comes pouring out the window.

Besides doing that this weekend, I haven't done much. I had my first fall with my leg, which when I bent it back first, I didn't swing it through all the way but didn't notice it so when i went to put my weight on it, it wasn't there, and there wasn't anything to do but fall. Don't worry I didn't get hurt, just a little black and blue mark on shorty. I wore it out in public today for the first time. I have just been wearing it in and around the house today we went out to eat and grocery shopping. I sure can tell that I don't have all mystrength though. Plus it's a little from the chemo pill. Since I doubled up and am now taking the full dose of it, I'm a little more tired.

Besides all that my mind has been wondering again. I just start to think and when I think it's not the best thing, I start to worry. I know I shouldn't worry but you can't blame me for it. I know I know Iknow, I can hear you all already, Don't worry about it. It's just hard sometimes when things hurt, or I get those little gut checks that I can't help but to think and worry. So right now I'm trying to keep it at bay and trying to move on from it. I'm thinking positive about it.

I was going to put something on here that Jodi sent me, but I seem to have lost that, even though I thought I saved it, but it was basically saying that People tend to worry about what they did yesterday (the past) or they worry about what is going to happen tomorrow (the future), so we should live today and not worry about yesterday and tomorrow, but live today, so that's what I'm trying to think of right now. To focus on that.

Tomorrow I get my counts checked to see how they are holding up with the new double dose of chemo. Hopefully my platelets aren't to bad with them, I mean they were kind of low with just half the dose so hopefully they are holding in there.

Until next time, thinking positivily
Love
Amy*

Friday, September 17, 2004 8:51 AM CDT

Good Friday morning to you all. I'm doing good once again. It's always great to be good or is it well. I forgot the proper way to say it already, I better take a course in english. I'm both good and well then : )

Not much has been happening. My leg is all fixed up but it looks kind of dumb because they're not going to make a new outside socket until my weight is stable, because I fall and then level out, and then fall and level out. So until I stop that there is just extra padding between the inside socket and the outside socket, whatever though.

The garage sale is going good. I sat out there yesterday morning and froze my butt off. I actually had to go get my winter jacket, and then I had my hood up, it looked pretty sick, but I"m always cold, I can't help it.

The book continues to go well. I'm really really enjoy doing it, and I thought I never liked writing, well maybe it's still not my favorite, but for what I'm doing I like writing. so it works for now.

My sinuses are finally getting better, knock on wood. The other night I didn't have to take an alavert but last night I did. I just don't know what's up with them but hopefully it's working it's way out.

Doubling the chemo so far is going okay. I notice I'm a little more tired, but I knew that would possibly happen. I just take it easy a little more here and there.

Guess what started last night???? SURVIVOR Yes I know my reality shows, but I'm just additcted. Then there is even a guy with a prosthetic, is that how you spell that? Anyway he did a great job. This guy still had his knee though, which makes it a little easier but still a challenge.

Thank you so much for all the quotes, they are wonderful. Just what I needed. Thanks a million

Anyway I hope you all have a great weekend.
With Love
Amy*

Friday, September 17, 2004 8:51 AM CDT

Good Friday morning to you all. I'm doing good once again. It's always great to be good or is it well. I forgot the proper way to say it already, I better take a course in english. I'm both good and well then : )

Not much has been happening. My leg is all fixed up but it looks kind of dumb because they're not going to make a new outside socket until my weight is stable, because I fall and then level out, and then fall and level out. So until I stop that there is just extra padding between the inside socket and the outside socket, whatever though.

The garage sale is going good. I sat out there yesterday morning and froze my butt off. I actually had to go get my winter jacket, and then I had my hood up, it looked pretty sick, but I"m always cold, I can't help it.

The book continues to go well. I'm really really enjoy doing it, and I thought I never liked writing, well maybe it's still not my favorite, but for what I'm doing I like writing. so it works for now.

My sinuses are finally getting better, knock on wood. The other night I didn't have to take an alavert but last night I did. I just don't know what's up with them but hopefully it's working it's way out.

Doubling the chemo so far is going okay. I notice I'm a little more tired, but I knew that would possibly happen. I just take it easy a little more here and there.

Guess what started last night???? SURVIVOR Yes I know my reality shows, but I'm just additcted. Then there is even a guy with a prosthetic, is that how you spell that? Anyway he did a great job. This guy still had his knee though, which makes it a little easier but still a challenge.

Anyway I hope you all have a great weekend.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, September 15, 2004 11:24 AM CDT

Well what can I say about yesterday. I was prepared and am already past it and in my fighting mood. I have come to far and fought to long to give up now. Oh no I'm in this for the long run, and I mean the long run.

I will dig deep for the determination, I will dig deep for that atitude, and I will dig deep for the strength. I am up to the challenge, and will face fear head on. I will stare fear down and over come it. I am ready and willing to take whatever steps need to get rid of this cancer, and if means taking riskes then I will take those riskes. I have taken many riskes in my fight and I'm not stopping now.

This morning I layed in bed listening to Lori Line music thinking about everything. I couldn't move. It's like something was keeping me there working myself up for the next chapter. I layed there for an hour listening to every beat of the music, and it's like I got stronger with every beat. I felt the prayers, I felt the love, I felt people backing me. It was a wonderful feeling that will carry me very far.

I have a favor to ask. In my book I am going to be putting quotes at the beginning of each chapter. If you can think of a qoute that sums up my fight, or how I fight, or something that you think sounds good. That way I can make you all apart of my book, becasue your definatly helping me. so if you think of a good quote or see a good one, can you drop a line, that would be great.

Today I'm going to see Fred againg. My final socket is in for my leg and I have to go pick it up, then I'm off to see Catherine. So I need to grab some lunch and head out.

Thanks for always being here when I have a down day and when I have good days. You don't know how much those messages cheer me, and get me back into the fighting mood. Thank you for that.
I hope you have the best day ever.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, September 14, 2004 3:07 PM CDT

It was a good, yet not so good visit. Good that I got to see Uncle Joe and so many other people, lots of nurses. We had to catch up on everything. Not so good news, my tumor grew yet again, but what else is new. It's like I have built up a shield around me, becasue it didn't even phase me when he told me, or as we both looked at the scans on the computer. I have become immune to hearing it, so it's pretty much like, what else is new. This tumor is in the same area as the one that they operated on two years ago, the big surgery. It involves the major veins, arteries, and the aorta. Also they found a new spot on my right lung now, that wasn't there last month, or two months ago. So now I have one sitting on that side, that's just great. Again what else is new.

So I move on with another detour in the road. For right now, were doubling the chemo pill that I was already on, so I will be on 100% of the dose, which involves another three pills, but it's all good, what's another three pills added to the 50 I already take a day. Uncle Joe is going to talk to the rest of my doctors, or the whole team that knows about my case and see what they think, or where we should go from here. He's also going to talk to Dr. Maddaus about surgery or doing a new radiation thing called Radioferquency Ablastaion, or something like that. It's where they fry the tumor, or microwave it to die. There are still a few options out there and I'm going to take every last one of them. Dr. Neglia asked me what I thought about all of it, and I just said that we have to do something. I told that he wasn't going to get rid of me, and he said Oh No were not giving up on you. I said I will bug you, and he said you good go ahead and bug away. So he and I are still on the same page fighting wise. Were still fighting this nasty tumor.

So the news that I found out was icky and I rather not hear it, but it's not the worst thing that I've ever heard. So I say whatever.

They are redoing parts of the hosptial and this morning I got my CT done in the new pediatric area. It looks so great, that I always want to get mine done down there. They did a great job, and I also say the new area that will have a huge fish tank and a Charle Brown. It will look really nice when it's done.

The rest of the time I was there I visited with the nurses as usual, there were lots of good ones, and I got to talk to Laura the child family life person. I brought some stuffed animals up to her. It was lots of fun. So I was happy to see them They become like family and when I'm not there I miss them, so it's always good to stop for a visit.

I also got to see Ashely a girl who went through treatment with me the first time I relapsed. She's doing great. But it was great to catch up on things.

Well that's all I think. If I think of anything I will let you know. Oh duh, like I didn't say this whole part. so the plan right now is to have Uncle joe talk to everyone, figure out a plan of attack, and I am to come back in a month for another Chest CT and to see him. Then I up the dose of chemo i take.

Now I think that's it
Take care
Love
Amy*

Sunday, September 12, 2004 8:48 PM CDT

Good Sunday evening to everyone, hope everyones weekend was fun and relaxing.

On Saturday we went out for a little dinner and did a little shopping, nothing to big. It was just my mom and I most of the day though, so we watched a movie and had some bonding time together.

Today we pretty much did garage sale. My sister and kids came to help and bring stuff. It was nice getting to chat. So this even my dad and I had some bonding time. We played some cribbage, which I beat him two times out of two games. That has never happened, I mean never. I'm lucky if I win one game. Then we went to visit some family that has past away. We went to the local cemetary to visit my grandma and grandpa. But we found my great grandparents, great great grandparents, and great great great grandparents. It goes way back. Actually the Mareck name use to be spelt "Marek" instead of Mareck. So when my great great great gradparents came over from Germany they added the "C" to our name. Anyway it was a little history.

Tonight everyone is taking it easy, and watching a few different television shows. I'm a good channel changer so we hit the main parts of each show.

Well Tuesday is the big day again. I'm starting to think again, just because it's scans time again. I get the dreadful chest CT, that never really turns out good for me. Plus You know that I have horners, I'm not sure how to spel that, but horners syndrome. OKay so anyway with that, remember in the hospital last time I found this out that my tumor grew and caused my left pupil to shrink so now my left pupil is smaller then my right. Also my left side of my head doesn't sweat. But with that in the last day and today my left side of my neck hurts. I'm really hoping that I just slept on it wrong and that it will go away. But it's hard to put out other thoughts out of my mind, but I have to. Plus I have kind of an icky cough again, maybe it's finally my sinuses riding my nose of whatever. Yup I'm still having sinuses problems even on antibiotics and sprays and over the counter pills. I just don't know whats up with that.

So on Tuesday, early morning, like I have to be out the door at 6:00 in the morning by myself, I'm heading down to the cities. It's been a few restless nights worrying about something I have no control over. It will be kind of a stressful day until I hear those words, and I pray and hope that they're good words. I pray and hope that these pills are doing there job. Please let the scans be good.

Well until Tuesday I will do my best to try and not worry but will see how far that goes. It's always there no matter what I do, but I will do my best.
Until Tuesday with hopefully good news
Love
Amy*

Friday, September 10, 2004 8:35 AM CDT

It's a new day and your alive to read this, isn't it a great feeling? I know I think it's a great feeling!!!

I've been doing a lot of walking with my leg and it's going well. I'm finally able to stay with it now that I'm not sit all the time. Because it is really tiring to do, and even just to put on. I can tell that I'm weak and have to work my energy, muscles, and strength up. I get tired from barly walking very far, but I'm working on it. I was even playing basketball the other day. Not playing but shooting around, and thats where I could tell that I'm not very strong at all. I had to use a little kitty ball to get the ball to the hoop. I could with a regular one, but it was kind of hard, so I will start out small and work my way up. See something that small as throwing a ball into a hoop and being able to do it, is something I don't take for granite anymore. I know there were times where I wouldn't have been able to come even close to the hoop. You just don't know how special something is until you can't do it anymore.

Yesterday I went to Jakes football game in Melrose, which we lost but it's okay its' only the beginning of the season and it was JV, so it's all good.

I also worked a lot on my book again yesterday as well. I've actually have a lot of the writing done, but not revised yet. I have a couple chapters done with the help of Jodi, but it's coming along great. I know I pretty much talk about doing the book every update, but I'm just so excited about it, and that i'm actually doing it. I know in the beginnig I wanted to but didn't know how to go about it, or which way to start. I was spinning my wheels in the same spot. Once I had direction it was off to the races. So it's going well.

Also everyday I have to catch Days of our Lives. My sister got me started in the beginning of the summer and now I'm hooked. It's the only t.v. that I watch during the day so I don't feel bad for watching it.

This weekend should be pretty quiet. My dad works so it will just be my mom and I. Maybe will go shopping or to a movie, will see.

I hope everyone is enjoying life to the fullest. We never know when it's going to be over. Live today!!!
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, September 8, 2004 8:57 AM CDT

Lets see what can I tell you. Things are going well with me. I had a good Labor day with my sister and family. We did a little garage sale stuff and then did some grilling later on.

Yesterday I worked on my book all day and got really far with it. I'm actually making good progress with it, at least I think I am. I'm pretty excited about it.

Today I'm not sure yet what I will do. I know I will be working with my book and helping my mom out but besides that I'm not sure. One of these days once the kids get settled in with school, I am going to see if I can volunteer. I would love to do that. What would be even better is that I could volunteer for CCRF, or for the hospital, but I"m a little to far away for that. So I will stick with things around the area.

I'm getting to the point again where I haven't been to the hospital or clinic in a while and then I start thinking that things are going on inside. Just because I have never made it a month without anything happening. So I get little inklings, is that how you spell that, that something is up. Like I picked up a small cough and a cough for me is never good. But I"m tring not to think about it and letting it slide by. What happens happens, and I will deal with it when it comes for now I will try and keep those feelings at bay.

That's my stuff for today. I can't think of anything else right now, but I will try and get some pictures up here later.
Have a good one.
Love
Amy*

Monday, September 6, 2004 9:53 AM CDT

Good morning everyone, hope everyones morning is as full of sun as mine is. It's sunny, but the temp has dropped big time. That's Minnesota weather for you though.

This weekend has been pretty layed back. Saturday I did a little shopping and picked up a few things. Then Catherine came over to hang out. That was pretty much Saturday. Sunday wasn't much more exciting. I actually worked on my book most of the day.

Today my sister and family are coming over to help work on our garage sale. I'm so happy were having one because I have to much stuff. I mean stuff!!! Plus I have lots of clothes that are to big and I need to do a major cleaning. But it won't be work all day were going to do a little grilling this afternoon. I'm not sure if my brother is coming or not, he was going to get back to me. It's always fun when we all get together.

I was watching Amazing Race last week, you know I love reality TV, but anyway and they were going through different countrys. There are so many people out there that don't have much in life. They are lucky to have cardboard over their head for shelter. It's just amazing how they get along. These people had smiles on their faces. You would think how can they be smiling. I'm sure they are just happy to be alive. We have people in this world who don't think they live in a big enough house, or don't have the best whatever. People take things way to much for granite. I know I do. I take living in this house for granite. There are so many people that would love our houses, they would love to drink clean water. I mean something as simple as that, clean water. I know I always count on clean water, but someday it may not be there. Just watching that show made me appreciate what I have. Some people aren't that fortunate. Remember the next time you think you need something better, that someone somewhere would love what you already have. Don't take things for granite. Be thankful for what you have.

Just watching that show made me look at things differently. There are so many things in this world that I haven't learned about yet. There's something new around every corner. Be thankful for who you are.

Have a great day and give your loved ones a great big hug.
With Love
Amy*

Friday, September 3, 2004 4:33 PM CDT

Guess What?!?!?!?! I took a fish off the hook without a towl or a glove. It was all hand. Why thank you very much. I thought now that I held a bass I should be able to take my own sun fish off the hook, so I did. So ya I got to go fishing today with Scooter(Jack) , and his dad. We actually go lots of fish once we had the right fishing poles in the water. This morning it's like you put the worm in the water and you had a fish right away. I had lots of fun, plus anytime your fishing is fun.

Catherine's dorm room is pretty cool, at least I like it. Plus she has a really nice roommate so that's good.

The football game last night was really good too. The huskies won by a lot and we ended up leaving after the 3rd quarter, because it was a blow out.

Tonight were off to the ski show, for the last night. It's a great day out so it will be really nice.

Right now I'm really tired. Like really tired. I was up early this morning to go fishing, which was fine, and then took a little nap when I got home. Gosh lots of fresh air must make a person tired.

I'm having lots of fun, having fun. I'm making up for lost time. See I never got to do this stuff when I was in the hospital. I missed a lot of my teen years being sick so I see it as I'm making up for it right now. I think that's the way it should be too. So I have fun everyday doing something and keeping busy.

I hope everyone has a nice long weekend. Have lots of fun with family, friends, and whoever eles.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, September 2, 2004 8:03 AM CDT

Man am I up early for me, well not that early. What can I tell you about yesterday and today.

Well yesterday I had my doctor appointment in Albany, well actually it was in Avon, but it's the Albany doctors, because it's the quickest time that they could get me in, so it had to be at the Avon clinic instead, which I had no idea where it was. It's a small town so I found it pretty fast. Well my sinuses are still bugging, so that's why I went, and Elisa told me I had to : ) The results, I was on the verge of another sinus infection, the doctor said that it was working into a infection, so I'm glad I was seen. My nose was all icky, and my thoart was red, which means it's drawing down my thoart instead of out. So what do we do, back on atibiotics, that bad one too. I know what it is, but have no idea how to spell it, it's the one that makes you go a lot. I'll take a stab at it, if it's like it sounds I should get close, Augmentin. Ya that one. See those of you that have been on it, know what I mean. Okay so I start the Augmentin, continue the Alavert, stop the Afrin, which it was bad that I was on that, but I trust the docs in the cities, so I'm sure I was okay on it a couple extra days, but I stop that and start Flonase. So we changed gears a little, so hopefully this helps. I stay on all of this until I go back to see Uncle Joe on the 14th. So that was that

Today I will be busy working on my book this morning, then this afternoon, it's Catherine time. I'm heading to her dorm to hang out for awhile. Even though she's only 15 20 minutes away, it seems so much farther. Anyway, I'm excited to see her and her dorm. Then tonight my dad and I are going to the St. Cloud State Huskies, football game. My mom has a meeting, but my sister and her family will be there. I better crack down and learn these people, they will be class mates this spring. Gosh thats weird to say. I'm not old enough to go to college, but it's coming whether I like it or not. But I am excited about it.

So that's my day plan. Hope you have a game plan, or just do whatever, it's all good with me.
With love
Amy*

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 8:44 AM CDT

The days of being gloomy around here. You know those weather man never seem to know what they are talking about. Like Suday it was suppose to be sunny and in the upper 70s, well it rained and was in the upper 60s Well today there was no rain and it already rained this morning. It's just crazy sometimes I think.

Anyway yesterday was kind of a stressful day. It was pretty much one reason but I promised someone that I wouldn't say. But hopefully it gets better today. My counts are good and my platelets went back up again, which is just what I like to see. Well my sinuses are on the move again. I have to go in and see the doctor here in Albany, just to have them check my sinuses and listen to my lungs, because when I take the afrin I can feel it all drawning in the back of my throat, but can't get it to come out. So they want to make sure it's not going to my lungs or anything. So that's tomorrow afternoon.

Then today I go back to get my leg refitted again. Because shorty, that's my none leg if you didin't know, has decreased in size since the last time I was able to use it. And they have had to put lots of pading in there to take up room, but now they are just going to make a whole new socket. So I go back for that. And this is the first time I will be driving with it on. So people in the St.Cloud area watch out : ) I went and drove around with my dad last night to check to make sure I could drive with it on and it's no problem. It's just the getting in and out that can be a little interesting. See because my leg doesn't give in anyway. It's not going to bend like my other one, so I have to come up with different ways of getting in and out.

Lets see what else, I can't think of anything off the top of my head right now. but I do think of something I will let you know. Oh I put some new pictures on the other day and will be putting some more new ones on in the next couple days from the cabin.

So for now I will let you go. Have a great day.
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, August 29, 2004 6:45 PM CDT

What a weekend!!!! Man was it fun, a little chilly, but that didn't stop any of us from having a great time. Gosh where do I start. I headed up to the cabin on Saturday with my brother and Michele. The first stop was to look at their new water fall, fountine thing in. WOW, was it fansastic. I mean it has four water falls on it, lights, flower lights, rock speakers, flowers, everything, it was just perfect. Then they have a small little sitting area right next to it so we has some appitizers before dinner.

Lets see then we went fishing, and On My Goodness, you would be so pround of me, my aunt caught a 3.25lb base, and I held it. I mean no gloves, no nothing, by it's mouth. My figures were in it's mouth. That is the first time I touched a fish, and my aunts first time too. But I no one else caught anything. We then had dinner of duck, and I had a game hen. I've never had either before in my life either, but they were pretty good. And the fun had only started. We sat in the hot tube for awhile and then went on a midnight curise on the lake to look at the moon and their place all lit up. See they have the all the lights from the waterfall, then they have palm trees that are around the hot tube, then string lights of bird lights around that, also a light house with a red flashing light, plus a fire going. I mean this placed couldn't be any better. Anyway we did some smores when we came in and then did some looking at the moon with uncle denny's nice scope. It was pretty cool. It was about that time though, so everyone headed for the pilliows.

Today then my sister and everyone, and my mom and dad came out. It was pretty chilly, but that didn't stop Brandon, Brittany, and me from going tubing on the lake. Wow was it a little cold. But don't worry it was followed by another visit to the hot tube. We had a great late lunch and we helped clean up and everyone was out the door. It was a great weekend though. Gosh the fun never stopped. Thanks for such a great weekend Uncle Denny and Maureen.

For me I'm all pooped again. This week should be much slower though. I have to mess around with the sinus meds I'm on right now. Becaue I'm taking Alavert twice a day plus Affrin twice a day. And the affrin your only suppose to take for three days, well I have been on it for like two weeks. The doctors told me to though. It's the only thing thats keeping my sinuses open at night. I mean I can't take one or the other it has to be both or I get stuffed up. So tonight I'm going to try it with out Affrin and see what happens.

Well I'm going to check out of here, because Catherine is going to be here any minute. I miss her, so we need to hang out. We still talk on the phone but now it's long distance, and you know friends, once we start we can go for hours. That doesn't look to pretty on the phone bill. That's okay that's what phone cards are made for. She's in college now, and its' not like she's a million miles away it's like 7 minutes farther then where she use to live. But okay anyway she's coming, so got to run.

I hope you had as much fun this weekend as I did.
With Love
Amy*

Friday, August 27, 2004 11:14 AM CDT

Friday, aren't they a great thing. Well I'm doing nothing today, that's a first. But it won't last long. Tomorrow I'm heading out to my aunt and uncles cabin for the weekend. I look forward to it every year. It's suppose to be a little chilly though, so hopefully the sun is out becasue that always makes it feel warmer then it actually is. We always have a great time out there, hanging out, playing games, going boating, everything. So I'm looking forward to that.

My painting is coming in about a hour and half. I will get some pictures and put them on here later. I'm sure it will look great.

I have been doing really with the whole Amy thing. I think I needed to be at that memorial to say my goodbyes, and make my peace with it. Because ever since then I have been much better. I think I needed the closure, and I got it. Now I can live with her in my heart and be happy.

Like I said yesterday I'm busy with my book. It's coming a long great, and with Jodi's help its' even better. I wouldn't be able to do it without her. So thanks Jodi, your the best.

Well with that said, I hope you have a great, fun filled weekend. If your in Minnesota you'll have to stop at the Minnesota State Fair. It's always a huge thing. Although I don't feel like I'm a true Minnesotant, because I have never been to the state fair. It's probably a good thing though, I would eat way to much food. It's known for food on a stick. You say a food they have it on a stick, or they have deep fried it.

But anyway have a great one
Love always
Amy*

Thursday, August 26, 2004 3:47 PM CDT

Busy, Busy, Busy. I feel so "normal" now besides all the pills. But i'm doing what I want and not feeling sick. I've been feeling pretty good.

I went to my brother's house yesterday and stayed over night. I helped watched Dylan. He's such a cutie pie!! We played with toys, read books, and played patty cake. It was lots of fun.

I have been busy writing my book. I'm really enjoying it. I mean I couldn't wait to get home today so I could start working on it again. So that's where I will be when I'm done with this.

My mural is done , so were going to pick it up later. I will take a picture of it and put it on here. I know it will have turned out great.

Gosh I really don't have much else to say. Unless I wouldn't have anything to say anything tomorrow.

It's weird not having really any medical stuff to talk about. I guess that's a good thing.

So with that I will talk to you tomorrow.
Love always
Amy*

Tuesday, August 24, 2004 9:15 AM CDT

Well it's another day and I'm still here doing lots. Yesterday I had to get my counts taken, which they turned out to be pretty good. My platelets fell a little but not to much. They seem to keep falling a little each week. So hopefully they find an even level. I also met with some the three kids that started "Kids Against Cancer" They mow lawns to raise money and then donate it back to the kids to have fun with. They were pretty cool and only going into 9th grade. I mean how many 9th graders do you know that would work their butt off to earn money and then give it away. I think it's pretty amazing.

Last night was a big night of working on my book. It's coming along very well I think. It's fun doing it too, I enjoy it.

Today it's going to be another day of working on my book. Then early this afternoon I have to have my none leg checked out. It's getting kind of big so we need to shrink it a little, so I need to see Fred.

Besides that I'm enjoying life with little stress points here and there but then I just call my brother and sister and talk it all out, and then I'm over it.

So with that said I'm out of here
Have a great day.
Love
Amy*

Sunday, August 22, 2004 8:08 PM CDT

Update: Forgot to tell you about my scans. Everything was fine and there is nothing on my brain, and my sinuses are looking better, so my doctor really didn't whats going on. So he put me back on this nasal spray for three days to see if whatever is causeing my sinuses to freak out, will clear up. So far so good but i'm done with my three days, so the next few days will test the true seeing if it's better or not. So everything was all good.

Look Amy actually has time to come and update this thing. I have never been negligent on this thing ever. It has just been up a wall here the last week and will continue into this week. Hopefully though by next week in will have slowed down a little. So lets start with the wedding.

It was OUTSTANDING, I mean I have never and I don't think many have seen such a beatiful wedding in my life. It was amazing. My aunt did a fanstastic job with the decorations and everything was just perfect. The flowers were beautiful and were flown in from Africa and Mexico, what do you think of those apples. They were well worth it though, they were beyond words. The decorations at Jax, that's were we ate, were beautiful. I have never seen anything better. My uncle said it was going to be one heck of a party but I never though it was going to be this, it was just great. Everything went of without a glitch, except for the little mix up with putting the rings on the wrong fingers, oops, they got it all worked out though. ANyway it was a late late night Friday night. I even drove home the second half as my dad couldn't anymore because he had been up since 2:30 in the morning for work. My eye lids have never been more heavy. We made it home though.

Saturday I slept till noon and boy did that feel good. I haven't gotten 12 hours of sleep in a long long time. It felt so good and I so needed it. I haven't slept very well for the last month because of my sinuses. So saturday we ran into st.cloud for a late lunch and get this, I didn't want to go shopping. What has the world come to. I was just so pooped out still so I went and stayed at my sisters house, which was nice.

Today Ashley got started on the mural. It's looks great already. Wait did you know that or was that going to be the picture I showed you of something my friend was going to do. Well whatever it looks like you know now, but you don't know what it's of. Anyway we decided to put in on oak wook instead of the wall so that when I move for college I can bring it with me, and it just doesn't stay on the wall for someone to paint over later. Anyway I'm excited for that and I will put pictures up.

I have new pictures of the wedding up. When i was looking at them on the computer they looked like they turned out funny. I will have to see what they look like on here though.

Anyway I am on the run and have to fly. Talk at my next open spot. Maybe I should pencil in time that I can come write on here between me running everywhere.

So I will catch you later
Lots of love
Amy*

Thursday, August 19, 2004 8:52 PM CDT

I'm so tired right now, my eye lids bob up and down and get heavier and heavier. It has been a busy few days and wil continue to be for a few more days.

Last night was my cousin's rehersal dinner. It was lot of fun and she will be getting married to a great guy, Jeff. He's pretty cool or at least I think he is. Anyway I am the personal attendent tomorrow at the wedding a long with Michelle's other cousin. It will be lots of fun. I'm very excited to be going and for being able to go.

Today it was up early and down to the cities again. I stopped in the clinic first to talk with Elisa about a indent that I found last night on my head. I'm sure it has always been there but i just found it last night. But the thing is that it hurts when I push it and I have a headache. Also my sinuses are driving me up a wall. I haven't slept through the night in a long time. I can only sleep for two hours at a time and I wake up. Then once I wake up my nose plugges up and I can't breath through my nose and I have to breath through my month which is a problem for me. I can't breath through my mouth and sleep at the same time for some reason. So I'm awake for awhile. It all ened up that I got a head and sinus CT which I will find out tomorrow the results.

I also stopped up to see Karen who is in for chemo and her mom. They are so awesome. It's always fun stopping to see them. But they made me late for my CT, : ) I'm just kidding. I didn that on my own. I also stopped to see Adam who just had his Bone Marrow Transplant and he's doing awesome. His room is very festive with lights and little stars that his mom is making. It's a fun room I think. Anyway it was great seeing them.

Today was Amy's memorial and it was beautiful. It was really hard though. As I walked into the room I saw Amy's sister who looks JUST like her. I almost lost it right away and it hadn't even started. I cried during the whole thing but I was sitting with the nurses which helped, I was comforted by all of them. We were in a room that had a beautiful view of the river and buildings across the river., but as people went up in front of everyone and talked there was an eagle flying in the backround, Amy was listening and she was there. I could feel her in me and helping me and everyone else get through this wonderful memorial. There were a few stories that really hit a special spot and I couldn't keep the pain in and cried out. I tried not to think during the whole thing, because when I thought I would lose it. But I'm glad I went, I would have not missed it for the world. Amy was vey special to me and will always be. I got to meet her family and they are wonderful people. I know where she got all her great qualities from. I got to give her mom a big huge which I felt Amy right there, the same with her sister when I gave her a huge. I really don't have words that could even come close to what Amy means to me. I don't think I will ever get over what happened to Amy and I probably won't ever understand why, but I'm moving forward with it. Even as I write tears are flowing. She was just a awesome person and I just wish you could have all met her. Love you forever and ever Amy.

With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, August 17, 2004 7:34 PM CDT

I had a pretty productive day of getting things done. I stared this morning by working on my book which is coming along. I'm really excited for it but it brings back so many memories. As I read back to the notes from those days I can almost remember everything, except when I was morphine for pain, those days are kind of a blur. Anyway it's coming along.

I had to run into St.Cloud to get some paint for a project that a friend is going to do for me in my room. I will take a picture of it when I'm done, but I"m not going to tell you yet. It should be pretty cool when it's done though.

When I got home I worked on some drawings that I'm doing for a fundrasier. I'm drawing christmas things. I have a few done, but what do you all think of when you think of Christmas? Any Ideas?

By the time I was done with that it was dinner time. When I finished that it was back to my book which I got a lot more done.

That brings me to right now as I write this.

The chemo pills are going pretty good. There's really no side effects that I can pick up, so it's a good thing. I have a feeling this is doing the job. I don't know why I have this feeling but most of the time my feelings are right. So I take it as a good thing.

I will let you go for now, and will be back sometime.
Hope everyone is good
With Love
Amy*

Monday, August 16, 2004 7:36 PM CDT

Amy came to say Hi this morning. I have decided to look at lightening as she is saying hi. I knew she was there too, because when I was talking to her it never lightened but as soon as I was done it did, so I knew she was listening. It's still a soft spot though.

Yesterday was great. I was up early helping my mom get things ready for the graduation party. It was a great day for it too. The temp was perfect, compared to the 50 degree weather earlier in the week. There was lots of people that showed up, I was happy about that. We had so much food left over though. I think were going to be eating graduation food for a week. The daycare parents and a few neighbors really helped in setting all the food out so that my mom and dad could visit with people. Thank you all, you know who you are.

I had the best present ever though, my sister made it home. They were able to get out of florida after they drove to tampa, took a flight from there to Atlanta and back to minnesota. With all that said they were there a little later in the day but I could have ran to their car when I saw it. I was one happy camper.

I got home yesterday and was pooped out. I never slept better.

I had my counts taken today and everything still looks good. My platelets dropped just a little but not to bad. Elisa said everything is looking good.

I'm happy with the way things are going and I guess that's all that matters.

So with that I will let you go. Have a good one.
Love
Amy*

Saturday, August 14, 2004 2:19 PM CDT

My sister and her family are okay, even with the eye of the hurrican going right over them last night. They said it got pretty bad there. And the airports this morning are a huge mess. They're not even sure if they will be able to fly out today anymore, seeing that they canceled flights from Friday already. So hopefully they will make it home today because tomorrow is my graduation party and I need them there.

I finally got to go fishing this morning. I went with the neighbors Dan and Jean and had a great time. We had a little interesting start with the motor not starting and having to paddle our way back to shore but once we got a good battery we were on the road. So thank you Dan and Jean.

Tonight were going to a big neighborhood fish fry. That should be lots of fun. And I also have another party to go to. It's a last get together of friends before everyone goes off to college. So I will be busy busy. Well then tomorrow is the graduation thing. So I will be busy. Plus those chemo pills make me a little tired, so by Sunday night I will be beat, but ready for anything.

That pretty much sums everything up.
Say a prayer for the people in the hurrican's path and that have already gone through it.
Love
Amy*

Friday, August 13, 2004 10:08 AM CDT

UPDATE: Okay so I had to tell that my mom made chocolate brownies and I"m not allowed to touch them. They are for a fish fry were going to tomorrow and for my graduation party on Sunday. Now your telling me I can't touch them. Well then this little secret is between you and me. I already worked my way into them. Just three small bites : ) And man was it good.

Oh and can you say a small little prayer for my sister and her family tonight. They are down in Florida right now and are right in the path of the Hurrican that's headed their way. They fly out tomorrow, but if this hurrican does lots of damage who knows then. But anyway just so they stay safe. My sister said that all the Disney parks were closing early and pretty much everywhere was close early. It's suppose to get pretty interesting.

Sorry I didn't get on here yesterday. I didn't get home until 11:30 last night.

Everything went good. I am now on chemo pills. Lets see everything started off with me having a tempature of 100.2 and everyone saying "What" as I was on IV vanco as well and still had that high of a temp. So was asked every question in the book to try and figure out why I maybe haveing a fever. Uncle Joe walked in the room and laughed, he said "You don't look sick" and I said, "Why thank you" He felt my forhead and said I felt a little warm, but we ended up taking my temp again. This time it was 99.4, so within a half hour it went back down. We left it at, oh I have no idea why you have a temp. ANd that was that. It was all good though.

Anyway both he and Elisa checked me over and everything looked good. So he said lets start you with half a dose of chemo pills, so 50 mg and then watch my counts, because they could fall from this. Then in a month if everything is going good then I will be moved up to full dose of 100 mg. Wait another month and then start the third pill kind of chemo, and have scans. If everything still holds in check and nothing is happening with my tumors then were going to give my bone marrow a little time to rest and do the pills to 6 months to a year. Hey I can do that, take pills everyday, what else is new, I will just add them to the 40 I"m taking a day now. Whats another couple pills. So after that one year if need be we can go back at it heavier stuff or radiation again. Also he is going to talk to Dr. Maddaus again, he's my surgon, about if he can take this thing out again. That's not a number one thing though, because it would involve another big big surgery like the one I had before. With the cracking of the chest and dealing with major veins and everything. So were keeping that at a last resort type of a thing. Then there is also a clinical trial thing at the Mayo clinic with radiation blastation or something like that. Dr.Anderson is running that, I think, and that's who is kind of following my case down there. that's who I saw the first time I went down there for a second opinion.

So with all that said I now have some more Ave. to follow and different back up plans upon other back up plans. Like I have said in the past Uncle Joe said he's not giving up on me, he will keep finding something.

Gosh now that was only the visit, I still have lots to say. This may get long.

After all was said and done, I went to meet Merilee, laura's mom, at the hosptial. Laura was getting scans done. Anyway when my dad got there we decided to go out to lunch after laura's next scan. So my dad was off to get all my meds and meet us there, and Merilee and i were headed up to the floor. I got to see all my nurses and it was good to be with them. They were all very comforting. I got to get emotions out which helped. Thanks Mrs. I smell markers : ) Anyway I painted a butterfly for Zoe. That's Elzabeths new little baby's name. Elzabeth is laura's horse friend that i have gotten to know over the years. Anyway we were all done with that and off to Grandma's for lunch. It was great talking and being outside of the hospital and having fun.

Then last night I went to Ichebons, didn't spell that right, with my brother, Michele, and michele's sister. It was a night of great food, and fun. Thanks Andy and Michele for a great night. And I got to see little Dill pickle, that's what I call Dylan. He's getting so big. He's such a cutie pie though. I got him a little kevin Garnett jersey. It's so cute.

Okay okay I won't drag this on anymore, I just had so much to say. I'm sure I forgot something but for the sake of all you out there reading this, I will stop with this. It hits pretty much everything. So I will talk to you tomorrow with more stuff, because I just thought of something else to say but will save it for tomorrow.

So bye,
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, August 11, 2004 6:40 PM CDT

I more day of IV antibiotics, yyahh. I will be happy when I'm done with that, or at least get the needle taken out. When I think about it though, it really doesn't bother me. I think it's more of the fact that it's just there. Whatever it is, I'm just happy to get it out.

I doing much better today then in a while. Everything is finally setting in, and I'm able to live with it. I just always think of the good times we had, all our special little talks, and our games of cribbage. She was never very good at beating me though : ) Maybe she will get some practicing done up there, so we can have a good round sometime. Now she will be on my team everytime I play with someone else. So how will I lose then, right. No one will be able to beat the double troubles of the Amy's.

Tomorrow I head back down to the cities to talk with Uncle Joe. I'm sure we will talk about the chemo pills and getting started with that. I'm not expecting anything big. Maybe I should though because whenever I don't expect I get hit, hit hard. So maybe I will prepare for the worst. I don't know though what I would find out that I don't already know. Who knows. Whatever though.

Gosh what else do I know, nothing really. So i will stop her so I don't ramble and I won't bore you.
So until next time
Love
Amy*

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 11:30 AM CDT

Olivia is now free of cancer. She passed away yesterday afternoon with family by her side. Her step-dad said she was peacful when she left this world to go to somewhere where she didn't have to have any pain. Amy will take good care of her up there. So please pray for her family in this time of need.

Today is a better day and I think I know why everything is just coming in floods. I think it's the memories that are coming back as I go through all the records from when I first started my fight with cancer. As I look at information for my book memories come flooding back. Memories that I wish weren't there but has made me who I am today. It's actually good that I'm going through all this right now. It puts some things to rest.

Today has been pretty mellow. I have been working on my book and checking a few things. I'm just about done with my vanco for the day. I can't wait to get the needle taken out on Thursday when i'm finished and when I see Uncle Joe.

So for now I'm going to let you go.
Hope you have a good day
Love
Amy*

Monday, August 9, 2004 1:39 PM CDT

This Cancer thing has to stop. I just an email about Olivia. They made the move to Colorado but right before they left found out that her cancer has spread to her lungs and spleen. Her breathing has become harder and she is on oxygen right now. They are trying to get her pain under control and hopefully make it back home. Please say a prayer for her and her family at this time.

Things are being given to me left and right. My mind is going up an down right now. I don't know where to turn it. It's like there is something in me that's just not right. I know it's partly because of Amy and now this with Olivia. I just can't seem to move past the Amy thing. I mean I'm trying but it's hard. I get teary eyed when ever I think of her or look at a picture. She was just a awesome person. This weekend I got a CD that has the song "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban This was the song we were talking about that Friday and we both liked it. Plus it's the perfect song. The song goes like this

When I am down and, oh my soul, se weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit a while with me

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your sholders
You raise me up....to more than I can be

This song fits everything to what she was to me. She was a supporter and raised me up to stand on mountains. It's going to take me a little bit to get over what happened to her, but thanks for listening while I try and make it. I feel better when I let it out. Sorry I may repeat but I need to get it out. She was and is just the best.

I will make it through this just like everything else. This just hits harder then my cancer being there, so I'm not as quick to jump back. I will get there though.

Thanks for listening
Love
Amy*

Sunday, August 8, 2004 10:20 AM CDT

Lets see what do I start with. UUMM my IV meds are going good. I'm enjoying doing it, and feeling like a nurse.

Friday night was the first time I was faced with Lightening. On the way home from Catherines house lightening filled the sky. My eyes filled with tears at the sight of it. At first I hated it and was really mad, but then I thought to myself maybe it is a sign. This is the way that Amy let me know that she was okay and that she made it up there okay. She let me know she was doing fine and met up with all the other kids that have passed away. So after thinking that I was much better. So I'm not sure how I will look at lightening now. Will I see it as something bad or will I continue to see it as Amy's saying hi. It's a mixed emotion thing. I think it will be different everytime. It will depend on how I'm feeling at the time.

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom and dad and will do the same today. You know you can never get enough shopping.

Oh Happy Birthday Denise. She's in Florida right now. They flew out yesterday for a week. So now everyone has celebrated their birthday in Florida except Brittany. So I know where they will be in November.

Lets see what else. I really don't think there is anything else. I'm busy working on my book. The first chapter is about a day or two away from being done. So that's pretty exciting for me.

So that's about it. I have to run but will talk later
With Love
Amy*

Friday, August 6, 2004 10:40 AM CDT

Life goes on. I have been trying to keep busy the last couple days. It's still kind of rough, whenever I think about everything. And I still get teary eyed when I look at her picture, but it's getting better because I know she is in a better place and helping out up there. Today is her funneral and I wish I were able to go. I could have gone, but it just didn't work out with my IV meds. I was going to catch a ride down with one of my friends last night already. But that didn't work out and then my dad and I talked about flying down this morning, seeing that it's a 6 hour trip one way. But it just didn't work with the circumstances they way they are, and it is to bad. I wanted to be there to show my support to her family, and tell them how special she was and still is to me. But I will be sending a card and note, so hopefully I get my point across in that. But I'm really getting better though and dealing with it better. I try and do things with friends and have fun. I know it's what she would want me to do. So I'm getting on with my life but keeping her close.

So last night I went out with some friends and had a great time. We ended up making a MacDonalds run at 11:30 at night. It was fun and it's just what I needed at the time.

So I got this pink hat from New York from Jodi and it's so cool. Now if you know me, you know I really have never worn pink before but it looks great, I love it. I got lots of compliments last night. Plus it looks awesome with my brown sunglasses. : )

My counts yesterday looked great for me. They are pulling up again. My platelets were at 60,000 which is good for me at this time. They are recovering, again, better then last time, knock on wood. Maybe I said that to early, but I'm happy with them, so it's all good.

So that's about what I know right now. The book is coming along, slow but coming. I'm very excited about it. And it's the perfect time to work on it, seeing that I have the fall off.

Well I will talk with ya soon, as always.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, August 4, 2004 1:45 PM CDT

Another rough day, but I'm happy to be alive. Knowing that anything can change at any second. There's an empty spot in my heart that hurts so much, but I know Amy would want me to sit and be sad all the time, so I'm trying to remember all the good times and move on with my life and my fight. She is my gardiuan angle now and will help me through this. She got me through many hard days at the hosptial, and she will continue to do so, just not here on earth but in my heart. i have a new inner strength that will carry me as far as I need to go. She's up there helping all the kids that have past away already. I will just miss her very much. My heart goes out to her family. Please say a prayer for strength to them as I'm sure they need it right now.

Anyway as these days are hard, I turn to something that Amy would be proud of me for doing. I have started my book and it's on it's way. I'm getting some outstanding help from Jodi, who is just the most wonderful person ever to be helping me. Anyway were doing it together along with some other people. So this book will not only be for me but Amy as well. I know she would want me to do it. As I write, it's hard to think back of all the hard times. I know this book won't be the easiest to write but I want to. I know it will bring back memories that i rather forget but I'm heading into strong. And looking at it as look I have made it this far, that those were only bumps along the way.

Tonight my sister and her family are coming over. They are heading to Florida this Saturday. So were going out for tacos tonight. Hopefully we can light a few fireworks tonight as well.

Oh and the IV antibiotics are going well. I actaully like doing it. Okay that sounded weird, but I like doing that kind of stuff. Maybe it would be better if I didn't have to do it on myself, but I now really know that I want to be a nurse and will work towards that goal. I think it will be a job that I will love going to. Helping kids like I was helped and still am helped. It's what I want to do with the rest of my life.

So i will let you go for now, and look for each day to get better.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, August 3, 2004 5:52 PM CDT

Well it's been a pretty bad 24 hours since I have gotten home. I'm going to write much today because my heart just isn't into it. I got a call last night from one of the nurses from the hosptial and found out that one of my favorite nurses, and one of my primary nurses died. Amy Wegner was hit by lightening at a camp that she was helping out at. There is so many emotions with this right now. I pretty much spent the night crying, and today tears just seem to come. I'm not really sure where I'm at right now. I mean I just had her as a nurse Friday morning and I knew it was her without even looking at who I had for that day. She came and sat on the bed. There was lots of times where she would come in in the morning and lay on the bed with me and we would chat. We never got to go out on our graduation date to lunch and a movie. See she graduated as well, she got her masters and well I graduated from high school, duh. But she was in Japan when I had my little party so we were going to do it when she got back. That never happened, but we were still going to do it. She was moving to virgina in a month to work at a childrens hospital being a hem/onc nurse coordinater. Just like Jody is at my hospital. She is a great person all around and her and I had a special bond that I will never lose. She will always be with me and now I have a deeper strength to keep going. Amy will help me along the way. She was one of my cribbage playing partners, who never won, but our last game she did win. I just hope she wasn't in pain, it's one of my fears. I love you Amy and will never ever forget you.
Amy*

Monday, August 2, 2004 3:14 PM CDT

I'm finally going home, it took an extra 4 days but I'm finally going. But I'm on strict orders to call back on wednesday if something that I rather not say, doesn't get better. So hopefully it will be smooth sailing.

Anyway I'm going home on 10 days of IV Vanco, which with a day help of homecare I should be able to do it at home. Plus I like doing that kind of stuff. It makes me feel like a nurse, so it's fine. Just having the needle in will be kind of a pain, but whatever. I also will be taking Cipro Po it's another anitibiotic. They have me covered every which way, so it's all good. Then it's back on the 12th to see Uncle Joe. I'm not sure what the future has in store for me but I will took it as it comes. And fight this thing to it's end. I still have fluid on my lungs and they're not sure if that will go away soon or if it will take awhile. But the good thing is that I'm breathing fine, and I'm not coughing lots. I mean I have been coughing but not lots. So lets keep it that way.

So my ride just showed up and I am out of here.
Talk soon
Love
Amy*

Sunday, August 1, 2004 9:45 PM CDT

Okay like I said yesterday whenever I say I'm going home the next day I don't go home. So as you can tell from that I'm still not at home yet. They haven't found the right antibiotic yet, that fights my infection, that which I can go home on. Now I really do think tomorrow I will be able to bust out of here. I will go home on IV antibiotics though. So that will kind of stink but at least it's at home. I will have to figure out times and everything, but will all be done tomorrow. My counts are all good though.

My mom and dad came down today, and brought a great chicken dinner from the church baazzar. It wasn't the same as being there and having it fresh off the line, but at least I got something and that was good. They also brought some chandy from the parade last night. ANd the fireworks were supposible really good. They brought in the pros to do it this year. I also got to leave on pass for alittle while and we hit the mall. I got a few things, but it was more for getting out of here for a litle while that was good. I also got a visit from Laura Jahnke and her mom and dad. They had come back from rib fest. Thanks for stopping guys.

So I have been pretty much been playing cribbage to keep myself busy. Last night I went to sit at the nurses desk because I was so bored. Adam came in here too, to visit for awhile, so he kept me entertained for a little bit. See that's what I think makes a great doctor, is when they spend time with the patients. When they treat you like a person and not a number. When they go the extra step to stop and say hi, or come and talk, even if it's just for 5 minutes or to see how it's going. I have had a lot of doctors like that here that treat you like a person, but i have also had others. ANd I mean they are good doctors but it's that little extra step that really, I think, makes them a good doctor.

So tonight when I'm done I'm going to go sound proof the door so that when they open it in the morning, that it won't click and be loud when it shuts. So I think i'm going to tap the little clicky thing. It should work but will find out.

Well I better get to that. : )
With Love
Amy*

Saturday, July 31, 2004 7:10 PM CDT

This really bits. I'm still stuck in the hosptial. my cultures great positive stuff so I'm back on antibiotics. My brother called early this morning to come pick me up and I asked. Well the resident looked at the cultures and they were negitive and the doctor looked at them two minutes later and they were positive, so that landed me another day. But the thing that really bits is that I'm missing the parade. And my mom and dad just called from it and just about my whole family is there. My aunt and uncle brother and his family, and my sister and her family are at a softball tournament. But it sounded like lots of fun, and I'm sitting here bored out of my mind. So I miss that, my friends grad party and my other friends going away party. But what's new it's not like i have missed out on good things before. I'm kind of sad right now. But Life goes on. WEll at least big brother is on tonight, so I have something to watch on tv. And the doctor resident person said he was going to come teach me dominos if he has a chance.

But anyway I'm better from yesterday. Recovering and on the mend.

So I will get back boringness of sitting on the bed and watching tv.
Until next time
With Love
Amy*

Friday, July 30, 2004 9:33 PM CDT

So I'm still here. Man I thought I was going home two days ago, let alone two days late. Anyway I got a head, chest, and sinus CT today to try and figure out what's going on with my eye. Now I forget if I said this yesterday or not, but I will tell you again. They thought it could have been from my sinus's that the infection got worse and it was pressing on something, or the infection spread or something like that. Well to tell you the truth that's what I hoped for. Because I knew the other possiblity, and i was right. I don't have a tumor on my eye or anything but the tumor in my lung, the bigger one on my left side got a little bigger and is pressing a nerve which is causing the smaller eye. And which cause my droppy eye lid a long time ago and still. The tumor was always pressing against it but now that it got a little bigger that's why now the eye has gotten smaller. Also my left side of my head doesn't sweat, and my right does. That's also a cause. So from the high of all the good news that I was getting and thinking of things were finally going in the right direction, well they took a nother turn. I found out tonight, and you would think by now that I would be use to but, boy it hit hard again. I just broke down, my nurse was here for me. So where it goes from here I don't know. Uncle Joe is on vactaion right now but I meet with him in like two to three weeks. I'm pretty sure we will probably go with the pills and see where that goes. But let me tell you, I'm already on the road to recovery from it. I have made my peace with it, and well I'm coming at it with something different.

Then also tonight after all that happened I had my rescue call. Jodi called. She reads the site and is helping me with my book, but anyway i talked to her for the first time and she just cheered me right now. The call couldn't have come at a more better time. So thanks Jodi for trying a couple times and finally getting through. Talking with you was exactly what I needed.

Anyway I will be going home tomorrow morning. Then the weekend is filled with fun things. Like one of my friends grad parties, the parade and fireworks in albany and the church bazzar. So it should keep my mind of things and heal it.

So until next time,
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, July 29, 2004 4:27 PM CDT

so that 1/10 of a % got me. I'm still here. I ended up spiking a small fever last night. And have been in the higher range the whole day so they want to watch it a little more, and make sure it doesn't turn into anything worse. Which I'm fine with that. I rather get better and go home then go home and not be better. So I'm hanging out for one more day, but I'm not saying anything, because like you just saw it never works out the way it's suppose to. My sinuses still aren't great either. They got all plugged up again this morning. ANd I had a headache and all the stuff I came in with was there again, so I think it's a good idea. Plus I had Jill as my nurse today and we had fun.

So anyway Laura and I went outside for awhile, it's always good to have laura around to to talk to and she's my outside going buddy. Then tonight I have crazy Carol as my nurse so things should be interesting. It always gets fun when carol is around.

But besides that I really don't know much, just that i"m still here and hoping that the fever stay low. So until tomorrow, hope you all stay good.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, July 28, 2004 9:35 PM CDT

Well this is a little late for today, but it's still here. But anyway I'm hanging out for one more day at the Inn, meaning today, so I should be able to go home tomorrow morning. That is if I don't spike a fever which I am sitting at 100.1 right now. Now that's alittle close but I'm sure I will be fine and be able to go home tomorrow. Anyway they did a x-ray on my chest today to check out my ordinary cough that i have and found out that I have some fluid on my lung, well now how did that get there. They think it's from my sinuses draining, so I will just take some pills for that. So it's all good. Then I will go home on another antibiotic pill for my sinuses. So it's more pills to the list of 39 already. But hey what's another 6 pills a day. Anyway besides that i have been doing good. Just hanging out watching movies, and playing cribbage. Geez you wouldn't think that staying in the hosptial would be that bad if all I do is watch movies and play cirbbage. : )

Today my great aunt stopped up for a little bit for a quick visit. She brought good food though, egg rolls yyuumm. I also got a visit from sharon which was a surpirse, and i did a little visiting myself. I went to see karen. She's in right now getting chemo.

So I have a couple prayers, one for karen that she gets through this chemo with little pain, nausea, and all that stuff. Two, for Adam one of my firends that got a Bone Marrow Transplant today. She's doing good, so I hope everything keeps going good with that. Three- for Olivia who movied to Colorado, that they made the trip safe and that she gets as much time on this earth as she can. These are all great people who deserve to have some extra prayers.

Anyway I think that's about all I know right now. So I will let you go. Hope your all good.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, July 27, 2004 9:45 AM CDT

I am resting up a lot here, well not a lot but what I need I guess. yesterday one of my friends from the hospital came up for Lunch which was so awesomely good. Jill Zeman was here and I actually got to leave the hosptial for a Sarcoma picnic at como park. I was only allowed out for a couple hours, but it was nice to see everyone. The whole gang was there from the hosptial. So thank you Jill a bunch for coming up and taking care of me for the day. It made my day. So thanks a whole bunch. We watched the movie, how to lose a guy in ten days. Loved it. You can tell men don't see it that much because came in and said oh is this the movie, 10,000 ways to kill a man, what : ) ANyway we all got a good laugh out of that one.

So I have sinus infection, well duh I knew that awhile ago. So they are starting me on some differnt meds to clear it up before I have to see the ENT doctor.

Then last night my left upper arm started to hurt, and I don't know why, it was kind of creeping me out. But anyway I took some pain meds for it and then I intched the rest of the night. I was having a little reaction to it, but nothing to bad. Just the itching.

Today I plan on taking it easy again, getting some rest and fluids. So I will talk with you all soon.
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, July 25, 2004 8:57 PM CDT

Well things went from bad to worse yesterday. It really only started at like 2 in the morning, where I was drinking ice water like crazy, it's sign, and I had to have 5 big heavy blankets on me and I still wasn't the warmest. So with all that I had spiked a fever of 100.6. As the night went on it went up to 102.6, then this moring it was 103.4, so it was out the door at 8 this morning. My head was pounding, my sinuses were unbelievable, which was also keeping the headache bad. So it was really time to get down here and get something done. They did all my counts and stuff of course and my Platelets ended up being 5,000, yes that's only 5,000. I'm surprised I didn't have a nose bleed that didn't stop at all. I was lucky on that one for sure. Anyway I got some pain meds for my headache and all my aches and pains, some atibiotics are on board and tonight I feel much better then I did this morning. I mean still not great but much better then this morning which was bad. So I will get a couple days of anitbiotics, to take care of things. And I tshink they are going to get some pictures of my sinues to check out what's going on in there. So I will be resting a lot thses next couple of days which I need right now. But just letting you know that i'm back to the Fairview Inn and trying to get back on the road again. So talk soon.
With Love
Amy*

Saturday, July 24, 2004 4:29 PM CDT

Well I sure found out my limits yesterday and today and I stretched them a little to far yesterday. Nothing bad or anything, I just did something all day yesterday. All the daycare kids and I and my mom, we all had a picnic lunch at the park, which was fun. I even got some good ol playing time in, going down the tornado slide, and swinging, and well everything. Well when I got home it was a short break and I was off to a baseball game. It was the babe ruth team. One of the kids that comes here was in it so my dad and I ran out to watch. So we got home from that we had some company over for a little while which was nice. When she left it was off to the river bats game in St.Cloud with my sister and family. By the time we got home it was late, and I was done for the night.

So today I kind of paid for it. I haven't been feeling all the greatest. With headaches, tummyaches, my sinuses are driving me up a wall, my pulse is off the wall. So I better just sit down for a little bit.

My sinuses have been really bad for the last month at night. Halfway through the night I can no longer breath through my nose because no air can get in or out, so I have to breath through my mouth. But that doesn't work becaues I can't sleep then. So I really haven't had a decent night in awhile. I have tried a couple different pills to help it but it doesn't work so I think I really need to get it checked out. I mean I have told the doctors but they really didnt do much about it, so know I really need to say it's bothering me. Then ever since Thursday I have been keeping an eye on my pluse rate and it continues to stay up there, or higher then normal that is. So boy it's been interesting. So monday I think I need to make a call.

On a better note, at the river bats game Friday night they had fireworks. Well during the fireworks show they played USA songs. They played God Bless the USA. I don't think anyway in that whole place could have been in a better place. I mean while they played that song and fireworks were going off, it was a peaceful and happy place. I mean it was just awesome.

So right now I need to calm myself down and take it easy. To much stuff to fast.

Have a good rest of the weekend
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, July 22, 2004 8:14 PM CDT

This is going to be short for today, I'm so tired right now, I think I could actually go to bed and stay sleeping until tomorrow morning.

Anyway I ended up going down for plateletls seeing that they were only 12,000, so yes I needed them. I also ened up needing blood as well so it was a full day at the day hospital. The whole time I was there though my pluse was running really high. The whole time too. Not just during the blood and stuff, because it can be high then but it stayed high the whole time, so I need to watch that through out the night. Boy though, after sitting for almost 5 hours in a chair, and then sitting in a car for another 2 hours driving home, wow did my butt hurt when i got home.

So that was pretty much my day, getting all tanked up for the weekend. But like I said I think I will let you go now. My eyes are getting heavier as I type.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, July 21, 2004 10:11 AM CDT

It's going to be another warm day here, just the way I like it. You know becaues I'm always cold, so this is good weather to keep me warm. I have been taking it easy the last couple days. I'm on the road again, I'm still kind of tired but it's getting better. My counts the other day were still pretty good. Did I tell you that already. I don't remember. But anyway I'm suppose to go down to get some platelets tomorrow, but I'm not sure yet if I have to or not. I gave them a call to see if they want me to get my counts checked tomorrow morning before I come, so that if I don't have to get platelets then it's not a wasted trip. So i will find that out later today.

I finally got some new pictures up of Duluth. I will add some more at another time, because I could only get three on there at a time.

You know what I need to do this summer that I haven't done yet. Go fishing. I love fishing but never get to go and have no idea who to go with. I will have to figure that out soon.

Well I really don't know anything right now so I will let you go for now. Hope to talk soon.
With Love
Amy*

Monday, July 19, 2004 3:21 PM CDT

Sleepy pretty much sums up the day thus far. I have been pretty much sleeping, resting, laying, and whatever else goes along with that. I have been taking it easy. Also my counts are still hanging in there, even though it's only 2 days after, I'm happy with them.

Gosh I really don't know what to say. I'm still looking up at better days ahead as I know they will come, but right now it's the resting time, which I know I need right now.

Oh and sorry for any deals in emails. It will take a little bit to get to them right now. Like I said before it's kind of a do I feel like it or not, but I will get there.

So for right now that's all I really have to say. So I will chat soon when I have some more interesting things to say.

With Love
Amy*

Sunday, July 18, 2004 6:33 PM CDT

I'm back home after a little extra fluid last night. I'm pretty tired though. So everything went pretty well I think. I could have come home last night already but I was kind of worried about my kiddneys and the whole glucose thing so they gave me some extra fluids to make me feel better and to flush everything out a little more. My zofran ran out early this moring though and boy could I tell that I wasn't getting a continueous flow anymore. I ended up getting a little sick but they got some more drugs into me to take care of everything. I think what I might do these next days is eat some popsicles. Those shouldn't be to hard on the tummy. Anyway everything went well, and I did a lot of different art works while I was there. A little painting, coloring, and drawing. It kept me buys and I enjoyed it too. So I'm pretty much going to be hanging around the house for the next couple days for sure. Getting lots of rest and trying to keep the fluids up. I get counts checked tomorrow and give myself my shot tonight. I'm suppose to go in for platelets on Thursday but maybe I won't need them this time. Will see how it all turns out. So for now I will let you go and hope to talk tomorrow. I will get some of my pictures up on here as soon as possible.
Hope you all had a good weekend.
Love
Amy*

Friday, July 16, 2004 12:42 AM CDT

Change of plans again as usually. Nothing ever stays the same around here. But anyway, so my glucose level is high in my pee but not in my blood which is a good thing, but in the pee is kind of a bad thing. i have always had it in there for awhile, its from all the chemo and that's why I take so many pills. Anyway my kiddneys aren't doing exactly what they are suppose to do, I mean they are but they are spilling glucose into the track. So what were going to do is still do chemo but instead of what I got before I will get adria and cytoxcide (sp). Which the adria is the same but the other one is a little different. It's still in the same protocal and everything but this one is one day shorter. So I will more then likely get out Sunday. So were still on track just a little wave in the road. So were still all good. And another good thing is that if my platelets get above 100,000 then they can start looking at new drugs that are coming out and phase 1 2 and 3 studies. That would be very good. See when my counts are up it opens up a whole new world of plans.

Well that pretty much summed up what we are going to do this time. I think it's a good plan all together as long as something is done, is all that matters to me.

So for right now I have not had any chemo, but uit will be coming up in a little bit. I first have to get a 2 hour flush of fluid and then we will be on the road again.

It's always good to have a plan in tacked. As the doctors know here I'm not going away anytime soon, and they are on my side.

So for now I will let you go and talk to you soon.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, July 15, 2004 1:41 PM CDT

Back to reality. I'm back at the good ol' Fairview Inn. Duluth was amazing. The weather was awesome, and the whole trip couldn't have been better. It was just what I need for this next round that I'm heading into full strength and ready to roll. Were doing this one more chemo and when I recover were going to sit down and look at everything again and hit on the chemo pills. Uncle Joe said again today that the scans were pretty good and he was happy with the last results. He said that we finally found a good combination of drugs.

hi this is erica amy's nurse. she rocks and though it isnt fun to be here we love her!!!!!! :)

Erica's pretty cool, she's a fun nurse to have. So yes we are on the road again and fighting with all that I have. I will get some pictures up on here when I get home. They turned out great. So i have to go my nures is calling me to get back in the room to get hooked up.
Until next time.
Love
Amy*

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 9:45 PM CDT

Hi Everyone!
It's another Amy update. She is having the best of times in Duluth. Yesterday, they drove along the North Shore of Lake Superior and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. They made stops at Gooseberry Falls and Split Rock where there's a scenic lighthouse. She said don't worry she has been taking lots of pictures which she will share later. The weather couldn't be better.
Our Amy is on top of the world right now. She feels like everything in her life is going in the right direction at this point. I think a lot of it has to do with the positive vibes and prayers from all of you. Thank You. I'm hoping that her journey can now lead her to bigger and better things than trying to tackle this cancer crap. I think she is destined to help others survive and tackle there medical battles. She's had lots of experience.

Back to the story, I told you that Amy would find a way to see the President. They landed some VIP tickets to get into the convention hall where he was holding a rally. They were close to the President but didn't get to shake his hand or anything. It was pretty exciting. And get this, they were staying in the hotel where the President got ready to go to the rally. She said there was incredible security everywhere. She is having a blast. I'm sure she'll have lots more to tell you later. Anyway, thanks for all your continued support. It means a lot to Amy.

Sunday, July 11, 2004 8:27 PM CDT

Hi Everyone!
Amy is on vacation this week, so we promised to keep it updated for her. She is in Duluth with her mom and dad watching a ship come in as we speak. It's one of their favorite things to do, watch the ships come into the Duluth harbour. They went to a Shakesphere play on Saturday night which Amy thought was a little boring. Saturday night it stormed and stormed on into Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon things cleared up and they went shopping, went to visit the University of Minnesota Duluth(UMD) campus which she said was interesting. They went to visit some family and then went out to eat at Famous Dave's restaurant. Amy had barbeque ribs which she thought were good. Amy said things are kind of crazy in Duluth right now because President George Bush is coming to town on Tuesday. She's hoping for a glimpse of him. Knowing Amy, she'll find a way. Good Luck to her. I told her to take a picture.

Friday, July 9, 2004 11:19 AM CDT

My life right now could not get any better. It looks like things are finally going in the right direction. I got the great call this morning. The radiologist looked at my scan and every tumor got smaller, even the big one that is in Tirger country as Dr. Maddaus said. It looks like we found the right combination after almost five years. It couldn't have come at a better time either. Anyway Uncle Joe was very happy with the scan results and my cardiac echo was normal and everything was pumping just fine. Even more good news. So Uncle Joe said if I was up for it and I wanted to he was just fine with me doing another chemo. Even better news. So I can go in whenever I want to. I really can't come up with words with how I feel right now. My insides are all giddie and jumping around, it's crazy. I'm mean I don't think I have felt this good or had this good of news in this entire fight with cancer.

Anyway on Saturday It's the Picnic Of Hope for the BMT/Ong families from the hosptial and I think were going to that. And from there were going straight up to Duluth. We will be there more then likely until Thursday. Duluth is by far one of my favorite places to go, in the summer that is. So I will be going in Thursday for chemo. I'm not sure if we will go straight from Duluth to the Cities or if we will go home which is a good two hours from Duluth and unpack and go back down to the cities which will be another hour and a half. Or if we will take the staright shot and three hour drive to the cities. Will see what we do, all I know is that I'm going to enjoy this vactaion very much so. So that's where I stand on all that stuff.

Right now nothing could make this any better. I mean health wise I feel great, ready to run a marathon, the weather is great, and all the news is great. I mean I couldn't aske for anything more. So I will sign off with this great news.

Have a teriffic weekend and enjoy every single moment, I know I will.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, July 8, 2004 5:44 PM CDT

What a great day both medically and weather wise. It was so nice with the temp in the hight 70's and the sun shinning bright.

okay now to the good news. My platelets again took a jump from 70,000 to 83,000. Like I said the other day they haven't been this high in a long long time. Anyway all the counts looked good. I was up this morning at 5:30 to be out the door by 6:00 this morning and I was right on time for my chest scan. The radiologist didn't get to look at the scan yet but Uncle Joe looked at it with me in the room and he said that again, there shows some tumors getting smaller and some tumors being stable. So that is GREAT news again. I had asked him if he was happy with what the chemo did and before he saw my scan he was happy with it but not impressed. And after looking at the scan he said, yes I can say that I am happy with what it did. So more good news.

I also asked what each of these pills I'm taking does. The one I already started is for pain. The second one I will start is a very low dose of chemo and the third helps the second one do a better job. Okay now all these pills put together has suppose to stop blood from going to the tumors and stop the growth of cells and veins suppling the tumor what it needs. See a tumor needs blood to stay alive and that's what these pills are suppose to stop. The third pill that I will take I have to sign my life away. I was a little "What" by that one. I will have to take a pregnancy test too. This chemo can and has done really bad stuff to pregnant mothers. The babies have bad birth defects. Well we won't have a problem with that, seeing i won't be pregnant any time soon. But that's what that all is.

Now what were doing next, because of me asking if we can do one more. I have had A LOT of adria, one of the chemos, and your only suppose to get so much before it can start doing bad on the heart. Well I'm up there with that number. And adria right now with the combination of Ifos. is working. So i had a heart echo as well today to see how that turns out and then he will decided for sure what he wants to do and what's in my best interest. I told I just was wondering about the chemo, I wasn't expecting any big anwsers but I was just wondering. I told him it would be fine if I didn't do it too. He told me as well that "He didn't want to win the battle and lose the war." I think that is great what he said and so ture too. So after looking at the scan will see what we do. He also wanted to wait for the radiologist to look at the scan as well. See things will pan out from here. So that was pretty much everything from the visit. So all in all it was a great visit.

Gosh I just can't plan ahead on anything. I never know where I'm going to be at.

And I have to tell you, I CAN NOT parelle park for anything. I think I backed up and went forward at least 5 times before I got in the spot, and i'm not kidding. It was just bad.

Anyway while I was at the hospital and waiting around for scans, I went to visit Karen Mead who I met awhile ago . She has to be back in for chemo because of reacurrence. So I had to stop and say hi. It was great seeing her though. I think were a lot alike.

Well this has gotten pretty long. I will let you go for now. Thanks for all the good thoughts today. They continue to work a miracle.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, July 7, 2004 3:11 PM CDT

It's another lazy day but fun day. I worked with my leg a little more, b ut with me being off of it for so long it has gotten big when I wear it so I have to go see Fred to get it fixed. Fred is the person that helps me out with it. Anyways I have a way to go with it yet, but sometime I will get it down.

I'm still in shock of what my platelets were yesterday. I just can't believe. But all the prayers, and thoughts sure did their job in helping. And also maybe the cross matched platelets that I got this time did their job. They were special platelets just for my blood type.

So tomorrow is another big day with the Chest CT. That will really tell the truth if this chemo was working or not. Well I know it worked but truly kept it stable. It's the scan and test that I never like getting. Most of the time I'm prepared for the answer, but I really hope this chemo is going to prove me wrong . I have faith that the scan will be stable, but I know not to get hopes up or anything. So anyway I'm out the door tomorrow morning at 6:00, ICK More then likely I will be hitting rush hour traffic, so I will be down, just your warning now. My scans at 8:00 and then I see Uncle Joe at 9:00.

So I hope tomorrow goes well and I will let you know news when i know.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, July 6, 2004 11:18 AM CDT

UPDATE: 70,000!!!!!!!! I haven't had platelets that high in over 3 months. When I heard those numbers I almost fell out of the chair. I even asked twice about it and it was 70,000. All my other counts look great too. I put my little bug in there ear now asking for just one more treatment, even a half a dose would be fine. Just something to hit this cancer big time. I don't know what will happen with it, but either way I'm fine with it. So I will continue to live life to the fullest.
Love
Amy*

What a holiday weekend, with lots of family, friends, and fun. The fireworks were great and I even got some cool pictures with my digital camera. We even bought a few fire works for ourselves, they were pretty cool. Anyway we went to fireworks with my sister and family as we always do. The whole family was home for the 4th and we did some grilling which turned out good. It rained like 2 minutes not kidding, which then we couldn't play yard games because of the wet grass but we had some pretty interesting games going on in the house.

Yesterday we went out for a little dinner and did some last minute sale shopping. Nothing to big. It was a relaxing day.

I just got my blood drawn a little while ago. So I will let you know how that turns out later. I'm not expecting anything to big, because I know what happens when I expect, and I don't want to go there. So I'm settling with my own number that I know pretty much for sure it won't matter what the number is, it will be fine. Okay did that make sence. It sounded better in my head.

That's really all that's going on right now. I will let you know about my counts later. So have a good day
Love
Amy*

Sunday, July 4, 2004 11:23 AM CDT

Happy 4th of July Everyone!!!!

Man has it been a roller coster the past few days. With things happening that just drag me down but then hours later something that brings me back up. It's actually kind of annoying. But as of right now it's a great day.

So lets see what have I been up to lately. Thursday night I went to see Sherk 2 with a couple friends, and I loved it. It's a great movie, pretty funny too. Then we all hung out for awhile afterwards. I have been soaking up all the raise that we have been having the last few days. It's been so nice out. Acutally the other day I fell asleep in the nice warm sun.

Yesterday my mom and I headed to St.Cloud for a little shopping. I had to use some gift cards, which I love. I got some great new tank tops, and capris. Theres just some many things a person could buy. Last night we went to the Little Crow Ski show in New London Spicer. If your ever in that area on a Friday night it's a great show. It's at Near Park, and most shows start at 7:30, but you have to get there early because it fills really fast. But anyway they did great last night.

Today my sister and her family and I'm not sure about my brother yet, but they are coming over for a little backyard action, and grilling and having fun. The usual 4th of July stuff. Then tonight were headed to the St.Cloud Fire works. It's a tradition we do every year. We go with my sister, and have big bags of popcorn to bring along.

Well I have to go help my mom with a few things yet, so I have to run. Hope you all have a great 4th with lots of fun, family, and friends.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, July 1, 2004 2:41 PM CDT

Wow what a 5 minute phone call can do to a person is unbelieveable. My platelets took a nice little jump, a jump that I didn't think was coming at all and neither did my doctors and nurses. They went from 24,000 to 53,000. That's better then last time. Now last time once they took their nice little jump they stayed there, so will see what happens this time. I get them checked again on Tuesday. Now what does this mean for me, depends what they are on Tuesday, will cause me to ask if they can give me just ONE more round to really step on this cancer. Just one more. Now I'm not getting my hopes up or anything because I know with this stuff it always changes and you never know what's going to happen, but if it happens that way I may just have to ask. I know I probably won't get the go ahead but it's worth asking, just so Dr.Neglia knows that I'm not giving in and I'm not going to stop this fight. I have so much more fight in me that I don't think anyone knows. I haven't even gotten close to my reserved fight yet. I'm still in this 120%. Yes I know there are bad days but I'm never giving up. I know I have my days where it's just blah and frustrating and it takes a day or two but I will be back in it in a flash, as today is. I had my little outing with the last news and now I'm back on track with this new news and hope. I grasp at hope. It's something no doctor, or person can take away from me. I will always have hope. You can never give up on it. So I hope that these platelets and bone marrow keep kicking butt as they are doing right now. Oh I was so excited about my platelets I forgot about my other counts. They're great. Everything is on the rise. So for the two bad days that I had are history. It's onto the good and great days. So I HOPE that you have a GREAT day.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, June 30, 2004 6:18 PM CDT

What a nice day out, weather wise. I'm loving this 80 degree weather. It was a better day as well emotionally too. It started off kind of blah, but seemed to get a little better through out the day. It's always slow getting better before I recover fast. So I guess today was a good day, progress wise. There's still lots of things to think about and cause stress but I'm trying to put everything in order in my mind. It's a slow process but I'm getting there.

As for today, I pretty much laid in the sun, and played with the kiddies, and just did whatever. It wasn't a exciting day for any matter, but that's okay.

So as of right now I'm pretty much still soaking in all the info and I have written down a bunch of questions that I need to ask next Thursday when I go back. I have started one of my pills though for this course of chemo,or whatever it is I'm taking right now. So I guess were on the road again, and I hope that the pills show me wrong.

Until tomorrow
Love
Amy*

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 8:46 AM CDT

UPDATE: I'm back as I said. Well the appointment didn't go as I thought it was. My emotions are all up in the air right now. So I'm stopping chemo because my platelets and bone marrow just can't take it anymore. So what I thought was doing good, may have been doing that but now I have to stop something because my body can't take it anymore. So now I'm going to be taking a combination of three different pills, that i have to ask about because I didn't think of it today. Anyway the pills should give my bone marrow time to recover and what not. But the thing is, I have never had faith in pills in doing the job. So I'm not sure about this move. I know it's the right move, but not the move I was ready for just right now yet. Dr.Neglia knows what he's doing and I know he has my best interest in mind. I mean he has kept me alive for the past 4 and 1/2 years, so we made every right step at the right time, and what should be different about this time. So I know it's the right move. I would be taking these pills then for 6 months. And we would go from there. But like I said I just don't have complete faith in pills doing the job. I just feel were getting down to the bottom of the barrel on finding things that work. Which makes me really scared. Because with all the chemo I'm getting they could give me Leukemia, and if that didn't happen they would do my heart it. Because your heart can only take so much.

Then there's other things that contribute into this whole thing that I rather not say and lets say my stress level is way up there. So many things going on in my mind, and so many emotions bouncing every which way.

Over all the appointment wasn't bad but there was stuff that I wasn't expecting to hear. So it took me a little by surprise.

Dr.Neglia asked me what I wanted to do, and I said "we have to do something" My mind is still traveling at a 120ighting rate but my physical insides are dragging some but I'm trying to pick that up. My bone marrow is going to some how kick in a little more. Because I so want to beat this thing, and i'm not afraid to hit it head on. But I am afraid sometimes of what the future holds.
I know I can't do anything about it so I will have to take things one day at a time.

Well that's about all I found out today. So I need to sleep on this and hopfully I will feel a little better about things tomorrow.

Oh I go back next thursday the 8th for a chest ct and another appointment.

With Love
Amy*

sorry about yesterday, I totally forgot. The morning started off with getting some counts. My platelets are pretty much the same from last Thursday. They went from 26,000 to 24,000. So they went down but it's pretty much the same. So they are holding their own, it's a start. Anyway the rest of the day was game day. I played card games and outside games with the daycare kids. They are pretty funny. It was fun all in all.

Well last night, seeing my mom was out with the girls for a movie, my dad and I went to Brandon's baseball game. It was his good team, his traveling baseball team. They are always fun to watch and are a pretty good, might I add, team. They played Monticello last night, and that team had gone to New York, but Sartell won them. So his team is a awesome team.

Today it's doctor day. I'm really not sure what I'm going in for but whatever. I think it's maybe just a look see and to check that everything is going alright. I think as well as deciding what will do next. I think were just going to continue with the chemo, or at least I hope that's what we do. I'm sure that doesn't make sence to some of you, me hoping that we continue with chemo. Well the whole with that is that it's finally doing something and keeping the tumors in control and shrinking them as well. So it's doing good and whatever does good with this thing, I want to continue with what's working; no matter what the cost is. It's not a big deal for me to be in the hospital for the 5 days of chemo, or the however many days that I come back with a fever. It doesn't bother me, because it's all worth it in the end. I have to give some to get some. I mean I would stay there as long as I had to if this chemo keeps working. So I hope that's all were going to talk about today.

Well I will let you know later what happens today. So chat later
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, June 27, 2004 9:15 PM CDT

What a weekend. Lots of stuff happening in so little time. Saturday we ended up going to Brittany's softball game in Becker, which was really good. They lost but it was good. Brittany is 13 years old and plays on a 10th grade team, so she doesn't get to play as much but we got to see her play and she did a great job. It runs in the family. : )

Anyway we ended up seeing Harry Potter today instead of yesterday. I loved it, but if you see it I recommend reading the book first. My mom and dad liked it but some parts were hard to follow a little, but that's because you had to read the book to kind of follow the whole thing. Seeing that if they did everything in the book the movie would have been 4 hours long, so they had to cut some things out. So anyway I really do recommend reading the book first, it makes it a whole lot better, I think.

We also did a little shopping. I got a whole new outfit for my cousin Michelle's wedding. I think it's cute. It's a black pants suit with pin strips. It actually looks like I could be going to a job interview, whatever, it's cute, that's all that matters : ) Now I have to make sure I stay the same size until her wedding, because it fits perfect right now.

Well after all that it was off to Catherine's, best friends, grad party. That was pretty cool. She took me and some other friends for a ride in her aunt and uncles car, a very very nice car, might I add. Plus she did a good job with a stick shift. I always wanted to learn a to drive a stick shift, but I don't think that will ever happen certain reasons..........get it, ha ha ha. Anyway she did a good job.

After all that again, I came home and my mom and I watched the Haunted Mansion. It was a pretty cute movie, if you ask me.

Okay so that is long enough now. Counts tomorrow, so I will let you know what's up with those.
With Love
Amy*

Friday, June 25, 2004 7:54 PM CDT

Another Friday has come and gone. Still enjoying my time of freedom while feeling good. Today was a good productive, and lazy day. I'm again still needing my naps for some reason. It's not like I'm doing anything where I'm not getting enough sleep or anything. So I'm not sure what's up with that. I start reading my book and my eyes get heavier and heavier and before I know it my book is laying next to me and an hour has gone by. O well what am I going to do about it.

This weekend I think I'm going to see Harry Potter, I haven't seen that yet and need to. There are so many movies I need to see, like Sherk 2, and Dodgeball. Maybe I need to make a movie day and go see movies all day. Anyway I think were doing something with my brother as well, for father's day and for his birthday. Whatever it's for I get to see Dylan again so whatever.

I had wanted to get out and help with a "time to fly" sponsered by CCRF in the cities, but it just didn't work out the way I had hoped. It's a race held at Harriet Island tomorrow morning at 8:00 in St.Paul. So if anyone is free and they want to check it out be my guest. IT's should be pretty cool. It's a 10k run, 5k walk and a 1k kids fun run. So be sure if your in the area.

So I will let you go for now, and have a great weekend.
"Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence."
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, June 24, 2004 6:03 PM CDT

What can I say another fun day, they just keep getting better. It feels good to feel good.

My counts today weren't high but they weren't low either. My platelets were sitting at 26,000, which isn't great but for this early from my last chemo i will take it. All my other labs looked great. So I didn't have to go down today, but I did anyways. For none other then Turtle Derby. I brought along Brittany for the ride and for some fun as well. So we got down there about an hour into the derby which was perfect, because it was a little chilly out. We watched about an hour outside and about half an hour inside in Adam's room, one of my friends from the hospital, he's pretty cool. Anyway The races were good, 5Bs pretty much sat there and didn't move, so we didn't even get close to winning. O well there's always next year. I also got to see Olivia, who I haven't seen forever. It was great seeing her and her family. It's always a pleasure. They are off to Colorado in three weeks. And she's doing good. They are planning on doing a little radiation for that stupid cancer stuff. It happens to such great people. Anyway she was looking good and had great spirits, as always.

After we were done Brittany and I headed to Apple Bee's for a little lunch, yum it was good. When we were done it was back to Denise's house, and I was on my way back home. I had to make a short stop to pick up my brother's birthday gift on the way back. He better like it, because I picked it out. Now I'm really excited to give it to him.

All that brings me to right now as I type. It's been going great. It's always a good feeling.
So I will let you go for now. Hope to chat with you soon.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, June 23, 2004 6:32 PM CDT

Another great day to be alive. I didn't do anything but it was still great. Mostly because I'm feeling really well. Today was another lazy day with another nap. I think I'm needing it right now, from catching up from all my outings from last week and weekend.

Brandon's baseball game was great as usual. He pitched again and did great. The last inning got rained out, but they won again.

I got a spliting headache after that though, where I was actually in pain that it hurt so bad. I"m not sure why, but when I got home I took some medicine and went to bed. I was sleeping by 10:30 and slept till 8:30 this morning so it helped out a lot. Plus I took another nap this afternoon. I don't know if my blood is low or what, or if I'm just that tired and need a little extra rest. Who knows. But I'm off to a friends again tonight to hang out. But I told her I need the T.V. at 8:00 because the Simple Life 2 is on. Okay the show is great. They are so dumb at stuff that it's just great. I know lots of people don't like it but I get a kick out of it.

Tomorrow I am getting my counts done early because if they are low I"m off to the cities again. Plus it's the Turtle Derby. It goes on every year in the little park area by the hosptial. It's a big thing for the peds floors, and all floors I guess. It's fun. Plus if I go I'm hoping to see Olivia. I have to see her before they are off to Colorado.

So that's about it. I have to run but I will be back tomorrow.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, June 22, 2004 5:45 PM CDT

What a lazy day I had, which I needed after all the running around.

The platelets went good yesterday and I only had to get one unit, because my platelets held on their own a little, which I was very happy about. So it was a good trip. I even parked really good this time. It was like a paralle parking without a car in front, but I had to back up in this little rounded area, yah whatever I did a good job. I think if I had a camera I would have taken a picture : )
So I got home ate dinner and was back out the door with friends for some shopping. Boy when we all get together people tend to look because were being crazy. Again whatever, it was fun.

So for today I took it easy, and actually took a nap, which felt really good. Tonight I'm off to Brandon's baseball game. So I actually have to run.

Oh I have a doc appointment on Tuesday to decieded what's going to happen next. I hope it's just continue what were doing, because it seems to be doing it's job really well. I will let you know more later.

With Love
Amy*

Monday, June 21, 2004 9:59 AM CDT

Father's day was great. It was just my mom and I until my dad got home later in the afternoon from work. We went out to eat for a late lunch and and early dinner thing. Now I wouldn't recommend the place, but I'm not going to say where because that just wouldn't be nice. But boy for my mom ordering a medium well done steak, I could almost hear the cow still moooing on the other end. It wasn't my cup of tea. I could have just been really picky yesterday but I don't think were going to be heading back anytime soon. It was all okay though because we were all in good company. So it wasn't that bad.

Anyway we got home and opened up some gifts. I brought my dad's gift out, but forgot to put something in the box thing I got him. Anyway I went to put it in there and when I opened it up I found a little note that said "What a nice little surprise, Love Dad" The little crapper found his gift, and he said he had more fun watching me opening the box from around the corner then him actually opening it. So all in all he knew what he got but not what was in the box, so it all worked out. : )

Well today it's back down to the big city again. It's all good though, becasue I like driving, except in traffic. So I'm coming down again around 1:00ish.

Oh Brandon won second place at his tournament this weekend. The team they lost to was the wait park team that went to New York last year for a baseball championship. They almost won them though. All in all it was a great weekend for him.

I'm feeling great a loving the time at home, and finally being able to spend time with friends. Basically my summer only started last Thursday. Because I got chemo the day after Memorial day, was in for a week, came home for, what 3 days, and was back in for another week. So I'm excited to start having lots of fun.

It looks like it's going to be a nice day, I hope once you got out from work or wherever, you have a great one. Talk to you all soon.
With love from someone loving life
Amy*

Saturday, June 19, 2004 8:22 PM CDT

Man I am tired out, it's been nothing but fun since I left from the cities yesterday from platelets. So I made it down to the big minneapolis yesterday just fine and on time. Well it took a little while as usual, and my port decieded not to work so I had to get a little TPA to get things moving. Once they did, my platelets were on board, but I had to get two bags, seeing they were only 11,000, which was all good, because traffic when I came in was unbelieveable. They were backed up on 94 for miles. Anyway I didn't leave the hosptial until 7:00, and by then the roads were good as could be. Anyway on the way home my brother called and I stopped over at their house and ended up speading the night. We had a great time, with dinner, and a bonfire, and even some fireworks. Then this morning we went on a nice little walk.

So I got home, changed and was back out the door with my mom for some shopping. I haven't been able to get to a mall in like a month. So we did some good shopping, and I got some gifts for friends and stuff that should have been done a long time ago. After that we had a quick lunch and ran to Brandons baseball game. They pulled the first game off by one point in the last inning. The second game, they killed them with brandon pitching 5 of the 6 innnings. He's an awesome pitcher, I must say. Denise was a little nervous at first, but she was settled in after his first couple pitches.

Well after the games my mom had to pick up a few more things in St.Cloud and we stopped at Olive Garden before we left town for a little dinner. I love pasta, it's just good. Anyway that brings us to right now, and later I'm off to hang out with friends, so my dad still isn't over.

I guess I'm making up for lost time, of just sitting in the hospital. It seems like I haven't been home yet. I mean I have pretty much slept here, otherwise I have been gone during the day and night. Things will slow down some time. Got to live every moment, because you don't know when it's going to be gone.

Happy Father's day to all the dads out there, tomorrow, especially my dad. Happy father's day dad!!! ANyway I hope you all have a great one with your dads or familys, or whoever your with tomorrow.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, June 17, 2004 5:48 PM CDT

Okay sorry this is so late, and for the lack of yesterdays entry. I made it home last night at about 10:30. It was a long day of waiting. I wasn't hooked up at all, we were just waiting for certain platelets to come, that are just for my blood type. They had to get them from a different hospital. Little did we know that it would take from 10:00 in the morning to 7:00 at night to have them just get to the hospital. Well they were finally going in and at a slow rate for some reason. I guess they just didn't go that fast from gravity. Anyway about 3/4 way through it I got a small rash, so we stopped it, gave me a med and started them back up again. Once they were done I had to wait an hour, which they moved down to a half hour, to get a post platelet blood draw. They wanted to find out if having my certain blood kind, if that would help better then just "O" platelets. Which it much have done something because I'm back down there tomorrow getting more of those certain platelets. Now this time I'm driving, but I only have to be there at 1:30 so you should all be at work, or in a safe spot by then : )

So I got out yesterday and am back down tomorrow and Monday, but hey at least I'm not in the hosptial. Yesterday I was bored out of my mind, but I got some more cribbage playing in.

Today my dad and I delt with insurance stuff, and money stuff, and all the lovely things. So that was an all day affair. I also went over to St.Cloud State to look into the Spring semester, which starts in January. I have a slot kept open for me, as of right now, and if the time comes and I'm not able to start for some reason they will move my slot back to the following fall. So everything is pretty much set for school. We walked around the campus a little and I like it. I think it will be a good home for me, for a couple years.

So now I'm pooped out. So until tomorrow, have a great night, and talk soon.
"Nothing is harder to resist than a smile"
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, June 15, 2004 3:37 PM CDT

Okay now this is the 5th time I have done this, so sorry for all the short cuts.

A miracle has been performed on this very day. My bone scan came back and it showed that nothing was there. Nothing was on my spine. Now in the beginning of the day that was the best news ever, you because there was nothing on the bone but there was still something there. Well later on Jody came in and said that the abdomen CT showed that whatever was back there in my back, that it was INACTIVE. That this could have been there for years, and they would have had no idea. Because they have never done a abdomen CT before they just didn't know. So they are are going with that all this has been a huge, I mean HUGE scare and that it turned out to be a miracle, that I prayed for. So all in all nothing is on my spine, whatever is there is inactive and were back on the fighting track.

You were all part of a miracle today and I want to thank you all so much. Because of all your prayering and thoughts, and support this news was able to come out the way it did. I am one happy camper right now, and if you listen really close you can hear me shouting for joy. Now I dont' have sad tears I have happy tears.

ANd another good thing. My arm tumor that was pretty big, has now gone down to a pea size. Jody said if they weren't looking for it, they probably wouldn't have seen it. Isn't that so great.

I think I am the happiest person in the world at this very moment. My life couldn't be any better at this time then it is now. I will still continue on with a day at a time, and not count my ducks. Because you never know when they will be taken away, and right now I'm having fun with the ducks. : ) Get what I'm saying.

ANyway thanks for being part of my miracle, I will ever be so greatful.
With Love
Amy*

Monday, June 14, 2004 6:41 PM CDT

It's another day and the counts continue to rise a little at a time, which is great. It shouldn't be to long and I just be poppen this place for a little while.

Well I had my scan done today and I didn't hear anything from that, which I'm sure I will find something out tomorrow morning. Anyway they are looking at my chemo doses that I have had thus far, because right now my counts, and my entire blood system is just getting sucked dry. I'm on like 40 some pills a day to keep my levels up. There are lots of things that are going to contribute into what they do next. Which makes me really scared, becasue they are getting down to the bottom again with stuff to do. I mean I'm ready for anything but physically my body isn't, and that's what we need to change. I have so much for fight in my yet. Jody came in my room today and we chated just for a little bit and she said, don't go there yet, meaning thinking of all the bad stuff. I said well that's a little late, but I'm not there yet and I'm still in this for the long run. I just don't know if these people know how far I will take this thing, to over come what has been put on my plate. I will go the distance. I am willing to take risks. I'm not one to sit back and let things happen. Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horn and get it done.

Anyway last night, everything emotionally built up on me and I had to cry it out with Holly, one of my nurses. I'm so glad she was there, she was the perfect one to talk to. I got it all out, all my fears, worries, and concerns. It was just good to sit and cry. Just hearing bad news all the time for 4 and a half years is a lot to gut at times. I just want to yell, go in and grab it out. I wish it were that simple though. Cancer really SUCKS, and it really sucks for the people that have to go through it. I'm still on the edge, emotionally. I mean when I think about it, I get teary eyed, but right now it's just not going down. I'm going to need a Miracle. Like right now, I'm getting teary eyed. It's just really hard. I mean I try to be brave about it, but sometimes I just can't do it all the time. I'm getting there though. It's going to take a while for this one.

So please pray for a Miracle, I need one right about now. I will try and get on here tomorrow again, to let you know how my scan turned out. But in the mean time, thanks for all your support.
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, June 13, 2004 4:50 PM CDT

What a great day. Well the doctor came in this morning and a plan of action has already been set up through my doctor. I'm so glad he's on top of things. I don't know what I would do if he weren't with me 100%. Anyway I'm getting a bone scan tomorrow, and an MRI of my back to check everything out. Then there is mention of Radiation to it, which so far has worked to my advantage. So I'm not quite sure where everything is going to end up but things are be formed and that's the way I like it.

I also got some good news that my counts are starting to rise a little. NOt a whole bunch but in the right direction. My Neutrophils are still 0 but my WBC moved to .3 rather then 0. So that's all good

Today my mom and I left again for awhile. We went to the Science Musuem for the Forces of Nature at the Omni theater. It was great. IT kind of made your head spin at times, but it was good. I had wanted to see that when it came out, so why not go today, and that's what we did. We were going to go see Harry Potter, but that movie is like 3 hours and I didn't have that much time to be free, so we will save that for when I get home.

I have been playing a lot of cribbage lately and just about beating everyone. There was only one, lori, my nurse who showed me who was boss. But I took down to doctors the other night. WE played three way, and I showed them who was boss. ANyway I'm having fun with that. And then tonight Amy and I have a date to play as well. So I keep busy with that.

Tonight I think I'm in for a good movie. I have a couple in my room, that I can pick from but will see. WHo knows.

Anyway thank you for the continued support, I really need it right now with everything.
With Love
Amy*

Saturday, June 12, 2004 3:38 PM CDT

Well hey everyone, the day started out really good. I had a great nights rest, which makes things so much better. I had a good nurse, was restful and my nurse and I were able to go outside. Anyway my mom and dad came down a little later in the morning. But before the doctor came to give me the news.

So they did my abdomen ct last night. ANd she said that all my organs look good, and everything looked good, BUT, there's always a but. They saw some spots on my lower spine. Now she doesn't know if that's been there before and hasn't done anything or is this something new, and that my cancer has spread to where it's really not suppose to be. I asked her, the doctor, to talk to my doctor, Dr.Neglia about this, becasue he knows best. They are also going to see if they can tell on my bone scan. Now if I remember right there was something on my bone scan down there, but it hadn't done anything in a while, so I pray oh so hard that it's that and that it's not something new. Becasue I'm fighting my hardest, and it just seems to be under. But you know I will continue to fight for my life with all my might.

My mom and dad don't know yet, and I would like to keep it that way until I know forsure and then tell them. I mean theres's no need fro them to worry about it, when they're not for sure yet either, so if you run into them or me, please don't talk about it. IT's better this way, for me and them.

Well the counts are still low, and I'm getting more blood, which that's what I'm doing here to get all tanked up and better.

Anyway were going out to eat tonight, so I better go.
Talk soon, and please just say some prayers
Love
Amy*

Friday, June 11, 2004 3:10 PM CDT

Well lets say I'm tanked up with 6 units of platlets, that's the most I have ever got. As well as two untis of blood. My platelets today are 64,000 WOW but I'm sure that won't stay thre forever. Well with everything going on last night, I spiked a fever of 102. something. So that forsurely keeps me here for awhile seeing that my neutrophils were 0 yesterday and my WBC was .4, and today it's .1, lets say count wise I'm not sitting in very good shape, but I'm at the right place to get all fixed up, so that makes me feel better.

So last night with everything happening during the night, I got 20minutes of sleep the whole night. So this morning, I had the biggest headache, my back hurt, where something is pinching a nerve, and I wanted to cry becasue there was three new lab people in here trying to draw from my port, and they had no idea what they were doing. I just wanted to go to sleep. I was just sick from being tired, and I really didn't get to go to sleep until 8:00, with doctors coming in 10:00. So I was trying to sleep through out the day, to feel a little better. And I do feel much better now that I have had some sleep in me.

Oh and the Olivia I know doesn't have a website.

Today Laura, from Child Family Life came in and we made silly putty. That stuff is pretty cool. It's all slimmy and icky. But the slimmer the better.

So I'm really missing my chocolate cake. I'm not eating much but chocolate cake does sound good : )

Anyway I have to run, so hope to talk to ya tomorrow.
Amy*

Thursday, June 10, 2004 1:59 PM CDT

Well I made it 5 days. I don't have a fever, but my counts are way way to low for me to be at home. They are at dangerous levels, for me. My Newts are 0, so I have nothing fighting anything that comes into my body, and the worst part is my platelets. Normal peoples are like 250,000 to about 400,000. WEll my are 6,000, way to low and I am suppose to watch very closely what I do from now until I get there. So I will update a little more later. Of course they want me to come in because anything could happen. And you know what happened with my lungs before that I was coughing up blood, well that's one of the reasons they want me to come it. WE don't want that on our hands. So I have to run.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, June 9, 2004 8:05 PM CDT

I think I gained lije 5lbs from all the cake. But it's just so good.

Anyway I'm still laying around a lot, but it's getting better, for sure. I sat up all afternoon and thus far tonight, to write Thank you notes. I think I have a hand cramp.

Tomorrow I get my counts and will see where they are. Maybe they will be okay, and not low. I'll have to wait and see.

About Olivia, I'm not sure exactly how she is doing right now. And no she doesn't have a website, or at least that I know of. I recieve emails from her dad. But when I do find out I will let you know.

Hhhmm what else do I know. I can't think of any stories.

"When you feel you don't have a choice, remember you always get to choose your attitude" -Eat your Peas book.

Well I really don't know anything else. So I will catch ya tomorrow.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 7:18 PM CDT

Gosh I'm am just shot at the end of the day. It was a long day of sighting, and waiting, and more sitghting. Anyway we got off to a good start, and I called early for my platelets, so that they would be there when i got there. Well my appointment was at 10:30, and I didn't get anything until 12:30, ick. So I got my two units of that, they normally only give one but there going to try and hold me until Friday. Anyway I was getting my second unit when I moved the blanket that was covering me up, to find that 1/4 of the bag of platelets spilled out from my IV. Well that's just great. My hemoglobin (hbg) yesterday was 10.4, which is good for me, I'm normally stay ubove 10.0. So I said well I will get blood on Friday . When I got there I found out that in one day it dropped from 10.4 to 9.3, and I would never last until Friday. So I got one unit today and I am getting another unit on Friday, along with a double dose of platelets.

Now did you catch all that. I kind of dragged it out but that was everything. So all in all my counts are dropping, but it's all to be expected.

Onto my next story. So, latly I have been on this Chocolate Cake thing. My mom and dad picked a small oreo ine up from the story, and I ate like half of it. But then I got sick of the frosting, so I decided to tunnel under the frosting and just to eat the cake, which was very good. Anyway so when my mom went to cute a piece it was pretty much gone, oops. All that was left was a nice big layer of frosting. : ) Then tonight I must say, I'm really good at making Chocolate Cake from the box. It's very soft, and warm, and anything you want in a cake. I would send you all a piece if I could.

Well that's enough about my Chocolate, crazy. It's all good though because my doctor said I need to get more calories in me, so what's a better way then Chocolate.

So that's about enough about me. I think I need to grab a piece of, you know what, right away.

Okay so talk to you soon. And have a good one.
Amy*

Monday, June 7, 2004 8:54 PM CDT

Another day to be happy about, being alive. Even though it was a slow, lazy, sleepy day it was good to be alive.

So that pretty much sums up everything, slow, lazy, and sleepy. But that's the way it's going to be for a couple days. I'm good with that. I sleep whenever I want, most of the time, and am entertained by the daycare kids any other time. They always keep things interesting around here.

I got my counts checked today and as I thought, my platelets took a big hit. They are way down, so it's off to the cities tomorrow, and I'm sure Friday. But will see when it comes time. Okay I know I will be down Friday, and I have to be there by 10:30, so again I will be through the area of Maple Grove at about 9:30ish, but my dad is driving so have no fear tomorrow : )

A friend came over for dinner tonight and I must say were good cooks. We had hamburgers, and cheeseburgers on the grill. But when I cut the onion I started to cry. Not for any reason, but because of the onion, man these things really make your eyes hurt. Does anyone know how you stop that? I'm really bad at cutting, because of that reason. O well I guess I won't get a job where you have to cut onions, which I can handle that one.

My hair is popping through from not having chemo for awhile. But it's going to fall out soon again. But I guess that's the breaks of the game.

Anyway I'm out of here for today. Talk to ya tomorrow.
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, June 6, 2004 7:21 PM CDT

Sorry everyone for the lack of updating these last few days. I think it's the first time that I really didn't have something on here, for at least every other day.

Anyway the chemo really dragged me down. I hit Friday night, and slept like crazy. So I slept away Saturday as well. So I was no fun to anybody, because I just layed there and slept. Anyway the chemo went well, I guess. I mean what is one to expect to get out of chemo? You get sick, and feel icky, and well I guess you deal with it. It's a small price to to pay if it's going to get rid of the cancer. So I'm all up for being tired, if that gets the job done.

So was taken down by this chemo, but have no fear, I'm making my way back up the ladder again. It won't take to long. Now though, I really have to watch my platelets seeing that I went in with them being low, and now they will drop really bad and fast. So I will be going to the cities quite a lot for platelets, but don't worry I will warn you before I come driving down : )

Today was Dylan's babtisum down in Elk River. He's such a cute baby, and he did really well. We had a little get together afterwards, so everyone visited, which was nice. It was a great day as well, weather wise.

Tonight I think it's going to be a movie, I'm not sure which one yet, but something. Or I will probbaly fall asleep before I get to the movie, so I'm going to get out of here.
"Also take the time to smile"
With Love
Amy*
p.s. Thank you to everyone who sent something for my graduation. It was very touching.

Thursday, June 3, 2004 4:40 PM CDT

Another day down just about. I'm getting the four hour chemo right now, and it's just about done. then I will get my four hour mesna flush after that. Anyway it's going alright thus far. I have a small stomach ache but it's pretty small to deal with. They want to take a x-ray though to make sure. I don't know why but they are taking one in a little while.

I pretty much slept the morning away. I slept until noon about. It felt good to sleep, with the occational getting up to go to the bathroom. Which last night I went 2 liters more then what I actually got in fluid. Yes the peeing is still flowing well. I had casey for my nurse this morning. He's pretty cool, he always makes stuff fun. Lets say the shift is always interesting when he's my nurse
Tonight I have Jilly again. And it's teen night at the movies. I think were watching Miracle, the hockey movie. I think it will be good because I like hockey so it's all good.

Panic Room was good last night. Jill had to come in here and watch it with me. Actually she did charting while sitting next to me, just to make sure I didn't freek out, which I didn't It was good though. I may have to watch Win a date with Tad Hamilton after the teen night movie, will see.

Anyway things continue to go okay, now lets hope it stays that way. So I am off to the bathroom to do non-other then pee, AGAIN. So i must run.
With love
Amy*

Wednesday, June 2, 2004 5:47 PM CDT

UPDATE: Okay I'm back from teen night which was good. WE playing a little game of Sorry and then a three way game of cribbage. Man do I get pratice here. I played yesterday with on of my nurses and kicked her butt. I must say a sunck was due. Anyway it was good. Tonight I have one of my favorite nureses Auntie Jill. And I'm hoping to have Holly tonight. It's weird because sometime her and I can get into a deep talk at 3:00 in the morning. Want to hear something funny. Okay so they just weighted me and it was like 3 or 4 pounds heavier then when i came in, but that's because of fluid. lBut anyway I had to go to the bathroom really bad so we weighted myself before I went and after and after I had lost a pound. So if you ever have to get weighted make sure you go to the bathroom first. : )

My great Aunt and Ray come down for a visit and Ray and I had a couple good games of cribbage. I won one and he won another so now were tied so next game will be the tie breaker. He's 94 and still on top of his game. He went faster then me in counting. I was like Oh I think I better go back to school. But wait I just finished, silly me : )

So far everything is going good with the chemo, smooth with no complications thus far. I hope it continues like this though, I'm sure it will. I noramlly handle this chemo pretty good.

Tonight I think I'm going to watch Panic Room. I haven't seen that yet and I'm in the mood for a scarier movie. I think that's a good choice. So I will get going then.
Love all
Amy*

It's coming to the end of the day. I'm getting my chemo right now. It's the same doses that I have had in the past so who knows whats going to end up with my platelets. I mean if they didn't come up to what they were suppose to be in a month and a half, then they sure won't be up any earlier this time. I will have to get more platelet transfusions this time, and more often. So will see what happens after this. My doctor just may have to find something for during the middle of this. Because I can't go forever without anything. My bone marrow is just pooping out but yet my mind and heart are still in thie 120nd in it for the long run. Will see what happens and will cross bridges when they get here. Anyway teen night is starting right now, soI will come on later to finish this update.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, June 1, 2004 8:16 PM CDT

I finally made it too the Fairview Inn. I got my counts done this morning and well my platelets still are only 65,000, which is not high enough. My doctor said though that he doesn't want to wait any longer, which I agree. So will see what happens with my counts. I know for sure I will be nervous after chemo is done, but it's a chance that were taking right now. I mean it's not going to go away with nothing trying to kill it, I have to do something. So my chemo is going to start in about a half hour from now.

I have missed my doctor once again. He was on call last week and just got off today. Gees he's my doctor and I never see him. But I know he's busy.

So I continue to fight this fight with full strenght of the mind, heart, and soul. I'm in this for the long run, always have and always will as long as it takes.

I think tonight I'm going to watch Radio. I have always wanted to see that movie and well now I'm only seeing it. But never late then never.

I hope to talk tomorrow. Hope everyones memorial day was good.
With Love
Amy*

Monday, May 31, 2004 4:19 PM CDT

Now how is everyone doing on this fine Memorial Day weekend? It's been pretty much a regular day here. My dad had to work so it was my mom and I. We baked some stuff and watched the movie Seven, It was a good forensics movie but it isn't my favorite.

Yesterday my mom, dad, and I went out to eat at the Olive Garden for a afternoon lunch, followed by some shopping and then we stopped at my sister's house for a little bit. We ended up helping Brittany with her homework, which wasn't bad. It was all on history stuff.

There's something up with my left arm. My pinky is numb at the tip of it and I'm not sure why. Which then leads into little pains in my arm, which then leads to my brain thinking about stuff, and I would really feel much better if I were able to get chemo tomorrow. I don't know if something is pinching a nerve or what but it's weird, and kind of makes me nervous. So I would feel a whole lot better if something was started soon, seeing that's it's almost been a month and a half.

tomorrow morning I get my blood drawn again. I'm kind of dreading it. Because I will be crush once again if my platelets aren't up. But I'm going in tomorrow as if I'm not suppose to go to the hospital, so that in case my platelets aren't up I won't be hit so hard. My doctor's to point that he said he will take anything in the 70's, anything. So please at least be 70.

I will let you go for today. I hope you had a good day.
With Love
Amy*
p.s. I put some new pictures up

Saturday, May 29, 2004 4:24 PM CDT

I'm a graduate of Albany High School class of 2004. What you think of that. Everything went great. The day started with a pratice in the early afternoon followed by a a hay ride through the day, with water fights, and fun. Later then we had some people over, for a little gathering thing. It's not my grad party yet but some nurses and some other great people came up, along with my family. Anyway there was lots of good food, company, and fun times. Graduation came fast and before I knew it I had to be up at school. The graduation part went great, and the gym was packed full. Everything went so fast, and before I knew it I was walking across the stage to get my diploma. Lots of pictures were taken, so I will get those up here as soon as possible. Anyway everything went off without a hitch.

Now it was onto the all night party at school, which was awesome. There were lots of fun games, more food, and great times with friends. We got money for the games we played and then turned it in for chances for prizes. Everything was decorated so great. It was a tropical theme, and really it was awesome. Some people need to get a lot of credit for that, because it was truely a great way to end a great high school career. 5:00 came very fast, that's what time we had to go home. yes that's 5:00 in the morning. I was all partied out. So today is a pretty lazy day.

Thank you to everyone who made before, after, and during graduation so special, it was perfect and couldn't have been better.

Well that got kind of long so I will let you go. And now you can look forward to the next graduation, college. Because one day I will graduate from there too.

Thanks so much for your continued support, prayers, and kindness. It has got me this far, and it will carrier me even ferther.
So until next time
Love
Amy*

Thursday, May 27, 2004 1:26 PM CDT

Wow am I glad I wasn't suppose to go in for chemo today, because I would have been more frustrated then I was last Thursday. I wouldn't have been able to go in again. My platelets FELL. They went from 65,000 to 63,000. Which 2,000 isn't that big of a deal but when your waiting for them to come up 2,000 is a big deal. So I don't know whats going on with my platelets and I'm going to be mentioning a few different some drugs that are suppose to help raise them. Because really this is becoming wack, and I'm fine with it today because I wasn't suppose to go in but if there not up by Tuesday then, it's going to be another bad day, but I was pass that bridge when I get there. But I'm not even saying when I'm going in next, because I don't know anymore. I will let you know when I'm actually getting the chemo, then I know I will be getting it.

Boy can you tell that was the big thing of the day.

Well tomorrow is the big graduation day. It's suppose to be nice out, which is great. It will be a fun day, with an all night party after that at school. I better get lots of rest tonight, that's all I can say.

I'm off for the day. The next time I update I will be a graduate of High School. : )
Wow I'm old
Love
Amy*

Wednesday, May 26, 2004 9:56 AM CDT

UPDATE: What a great day. I went out to eat with Cheryl Kaye, a good friend. She's not going to be able to come to my graduation so we went out to lunch today. It was good food, with good company.

Anyway after that I stopped to say hi to all the nurses from the radiation place I went to. It was great seeing them all again. You get attached to pleople that you see everyday for 2 months. So it was good to see them all again.

Then after that I went to my sisters house for awhile, seeing that I was in the area. It was a good visit.

Well I am all done with school. Yesterday was my last day, that I will walk down the halls of school and still actually be in school. A friend and I went out to lunch and then walked around the rest of the day. IT was sad, but it was all good.

I must say time off to do fun stuff isnt' that bad, but I would like to get back into the swing of things soon. I find out tomorrow what my platelets are. I will be interested to see what they are.

Anyway thats about all I know.
Love
Amy*

I am going to come on here and update a little later but I wanted to ask all of you to please pray for Olivia. She is one of my really good friends from the hospital. She has Ewings. She relapsed and had more chemo and a stem cell transplant but they found out not to long ago that it didn't work, and there were tumors in a couple different spots. She needs a MIRACLE, they are looking at having a pain free time, and enjoying what time they have. So please pray for her. She is an awesome person. She also went to camp with me. She's just so full of life and kicked this cancer in the butt with great pride, strength, awesomeness. Okay that's not a word, but it works. Olivia I love you always and forever.

With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, May 25, 2004 7:47 AM CDT

Oops forgot to come update yesterdray. I went to school yesterday to hang out with friends, and during third block a friend and I went to Holy Family School to see our little people that we helped out for school service. It was good to see everyone again.

Then yesterday afternoon, I went with a friend to get her tatoo. Oh my gosh I'm never getting one of those. She was in pain, and you know pain that I don't have to have is a good thing. Anyway she got a really cute one though. It's a sunset with two palm trees on a small little island, with like two ripples of water on each side. It's really pretty I think. But now it's like there forever. There's not taken it off, unless you pay big bucks. The funny thing is is that I told her she had to give blood if she got a tatoo, because she doesn't like needles. Now yesterday I said, You know giving blood would have been a whole lot easier, I think she agreed on that one, after the fact. Anyway it was fun, and it turned out really nice.

Besides that I think i'm done with school. I had in my two papers yesterday and so far haven't gotten anything else from any of my classes, so I think it's a good thing. It's great to be done, but I sure will miss it. Adults are right when they say, enjoy the time you have, because it will be different after High School. Oh how much they're going to be right.

I'm going to run to school again today, to be with all my friends.

I got this quote from a teacher yesterday, I'm sure I have put it on here before but its' still a good one.
"Life is not fair, so live while you can"
Love
Amy*
p.s. thanks for the punch recipes, I'm going to try them. The day care kids can be the testers, they seem to eat and drink anything.
p.s.s some people have asked for my address it's
Amy Mareck
P.O. Box 189
Albany MN, 56307

Sunday, May 23, 2004 4:29 PM CDT

Wow, is movie theater popcorn really good. I mean it could be a meal in itself. But it has to have butter on it too. A friend and I went to the movie Mean Girls which is very good. I recommend it. Is there two C's in that word. I don't know, anyway it was good, but the theater was packed. It's a pretty rainy day here and well what else is there to do in the rain besides go to a movie or the mall. So the movie it was. Anyway it was a pretty good movie.

Yesterday my mom and I went shopping, and I got this cute shirt that says I love Orlando. I do love Orlando, it's one of the best cities every. We were also in the hunt for good food for graduation. What should we eat as a main course? I'm not sure yet what exactly what were going to do. Anyway think good weather because I'm hoping to have it in the back yard. The forcast right now says rain for Friday but it's early in the week to really say.

This morning I got my final paper done of my High school career. It's sad, it's all coming to an ending. But it's onto bigger and better things in life.

"Bad days can turn into good days" I haven't put a quote on here for awhile. I Think this one fits with the last couple days. Life keeps moving even if your not wanting to move with it. Look for the good days, because they will come.
With Love
Amy*
P.S. Does anyone know any good punch recipes, that are kind of tangy. Or maybe use Ruby Red Squirt, because that's kind of tangy. Anyway could you drop a line or email me,that would be great. Thanks much

P.S.S. Thank you for all the great, caring, lovely notes that you left. They did cheer me up. I know that I can always turn to you guys out there that I really don't know to cheer me up. Thanks

Friday, May 21, 2004 5:23 PM CDT

I almost forgot to come on here today. Well I have gotten over yesterday and moved onto today and tomorrow. IT was a bump in the road that I will be making it over just not right now, a week from now though, I hope. Today I spent the day at my sister's house, visiting and playing with her daycare kids. It was good to get out and do something different.

I just need my frustration day every once and awhile. Like yesterday was one of those days, well dah : ) But once I get over that then I'm good. I think everything just builds up inside and sometime it's going to pop and well yesterday it did. I slept all the worries and frustration away. Well I woke up a little blah but I put that energy into one of my papers for Lit., which I finished. Just one more to go, and I'm done. God had a reason for why I didn't go in and I have to trust that he knows and has a good reason, so I can live with it. So what I'm trying to say is that, I'm done, I'm over it and ready to move onto the next thing.

My mom, dad, and I are going out for a little dinner tonight and then I'm getting a big bowl of popcorn and plopping down in front of the T.V. to watch the Timberwolves. They're doing so awesome, but good for them, they deserve it.

So have a great and happy weekend. If your having a bad day look for the good ones, because there will be better days, I promise. have fun.
Love lots
Amy*

Thursday, May 20, 2004 11:09 AM CDT

My emotional level was sucked out of me this morning. I am more frustrated right now then I have ever been in a while. Words can't even explain it. My platelets only went up to 65,000 and that's not good enough. Elisa asked if they maybe would start but they don't want to risk it. So were waiting until after graduation. The tuesday after Memorial Day. And that's only if my counts are even up. Who knows the way they're going. It will be a month and a half by the time I get my next round. I'm suppose to get it every 28 days, and this will be like 50 days. I mean right now it's just a bad day, and it's not even 12:00 yet. I'm having a hard time with this one. It's hard to sallow. It's even hard to write this without the tears fluiding my eyes. I was going to work on some homework but I don't think that's in the works right now. The days will get but right now it's just blah.

I know a lot of you really don't understand why I'm so mad. Your probably like oh she gets another good week of feeling good. But I just want to get this stuff done. It's been a while and who knows what's going on inside. That's a lot of time for something to decided to grow. Plus I have been emotionally and physically ready for this for the past 3 weeks, and ever week it's the same old stuff. Nope they're not high enough yet.

So I could use a little pick-me-up right now. I'll try hard to good for the good, and pick it up but right now at this very moment I'm sad. So hopefully I can write on here tomorrow feeling somewhat better. I look for the better days ahead.

Love
Amy*

Wednesday, May 19, 2004 5:37 PM CDT

What a day, nothing really happened, I just had to say that. Anyway today was a tired day for some reason. I was really tired and had to take a nice long nap, which helped. Sleep always can do a person good.

Think platelets tonight. I know I won't be counting sheep I will be counting those platelets as they go up. I am going in early tomorrow morning to get them checked to even see if it pays to go down to the cities tomorrow. I'm really hoping that they are up, but I'm not getting my hopes up to much.

Gosh what else. Now I'm having a mind block, nothing is coming to mind to say. UUMmm...........yup nothing is there. I make good pigs in a blanket. You know you take a hotdog, cut it open half way and put a piece of cheese in it, and wrap a croissant around it. Who knows if you wanted to know that but well that's all I could think of because I made those tonight, and were very good too, might I add. Oh and the hotdogs can only be Oscar Meyer Tenderbites.

So that was interesting and very educational as well : ) Yes so now I'm just yacking. I'll stop the pain now
I will let you know tomorrow if all the counting worked.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, May 18, 2004 10:36 AM CDT

So yesterdays entry was a little blah, sorry. But whatever.

So yes, my platelets still aren't where they should be so I am really really hoping that they are at least in the 70,000 on Thursday. So still please pray for platelets.

So my friends and I went to Culver's last night but when we got there no one knew anything about people helping in anyway. So I was all like okay, so now what. They ended up not needing our help at all, so I felt kind of bad. At least we tried.

Today I'm heading into school for awhile to bring some homework in and get some more to finish up the year. I just can't believe that graduation is less then two weeks away. Then I'm done forever. It's kind of scary in a way. I just think of all the people I will probably will never see again. It's kind of sad.

Next year with college, I have talked it over with my doctor and he thinks that maybe I should just put college off until the spring and get this whole medical thing out of the way. Because High school is different then college. You know I would be gone for chemo, then getting platelet tranfussions everyother day. It would have been hard. So I'm not starting this fall but I hope to start in the spring, and then possible to some summer classes to catch up on a few things. Plus he thinks that I may need a break for me. Seeing that I have continued to go to school throughout this whole thing. He thinks it's time that I get a break to just breath. So that's where I'm with that. I will be excited to start school though when I can.

Well I'm actually going to be heading out the door soon. So I have to run and get a few things yet.
I will talk to you soon. Remember to remember the small things in life.
Love
Amy*

Monday, May 17, 2004 3:21 PM CDT

I Need Platelets, Please Pray for Platelets. I had my counts done today and they are sitting at 61,000 and they need to be 75,000 by Thursday. I'm so close all it needs is a little help from you. I so so would like to start Thrusday or even Friday. I'm so very close, it would break me if they weren't up by then. I have been waiting, which sounds weird, for chemo for the past two weeks. It will happen, it will work.

Remember to eat at Culvers. Some friends and I are going to help out.

Besides all that I have been writing my paper and that's about it.

I have a friend her right now so I have to run. I will chat soon.
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, May 16, 2004 7:27 PM CDT

The game was Awesome, and tons of fun. My mom and I had a great time. We got there early and were able to watch the palyers warm up. Not many of the Timberwolves were on the floor but the Kings were. It was a great game compared to this afternoons game. That was a blow, so I guess it goes to game 7. My dad had come along as well but he went back to the motel, we were able to get a ticket for him, and if we did it would have been way way up. So he decided to just watch it, which ended up he couldn't because it didn't come on T.V. until the second half. Anyway it was all good.

Then yesterday we stopped at my brother's house and had a good time. My brother, dad, and I went on a little nature walk which was pretty cool. It was just in the woods area behind their house. Anyway we chated for awhile and then went out to eat at the Black Woods, which was alright. The ribs my mom and I shared were a little dry but that's okay it was all in good company.

The rest of yesterday was spent on catching up on some stuff for school. I pretty much did that today too. With the break of watching the game.

Besides all that there is pretty much nothing else. So I hope you had a great weekend, with just a little bit left yet. Talk soon and stay well.
With Love
Amy*

Friday, May 14, 2004 3:36 PM CDT

It was a GREAT day with lots of fun and friends. This morning I headed into school for pictures with the scholorship people, and breakfast. I got my yearbook and spent the next 1/2 sitting there looking at it. It was a great one, with lots of good and funny pictures. Anyway I came home for a little bit but then ran back up to school for spring fling. That was awesome, hanging out with friends, having fun, signing yearbooks, it was all good. The day went fast, and the best part is that it's not over yet.

Tonight is the Timberwolves game. It's going to be my mom and I instead. Were staying down in a hotel/motel tonight because it will be late. So what's the difference between hotel and motel? Whatever. Anyway that will be lots and lots of fun tonight. Hope they win. Don't worry you will get the 411 when were back.

So over life is good, and I'm feeling good and nothing could be better right now. I'm feeling my best and will be able to go into this chemo with 110% I actually feel somewhat "normal" right now, with no medical things.

So I will leave you on a good note. Have an outstanding weekend, with family and friends. Live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment of it as you can because you never know when it will be gone.

Love always
Amy*

Thursday, May 13, 2004 5:50 PM CDT

Oh my gosh there is only 8 days of school left and 11 days until the big day of graduation. I graduate on the 28th. I even got my cap and gown today. Man those hats are kind of ugly if you ask me. This has gone by so fast, I don't know where the years went. It's as yesterday I was walking to school for my first day of Kindergarden, and that was 12 years ago. Time flys when your with friends and having fun.

The senior banquet last night was great. I recieved my National Honor Society cords, awards, and scholarships. It was great to be back with everyone.

And I have nothing to say again. i guess when I don't have anything to say it's a good thing.

So I am on the phone with a friend and I will talk with you tomorrow with more news.
with love
Amy*

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 3:28 PM CDT

Duh it's only Wednesday. Yesterday I said I would let you know my counts, but then I thought today was going to be Thrusday. Well then I won't even be able to tell you what they are because I don't have to have them checked this week. I just have to have them done next week. Elisa called and they are going to set chemo up for Friday, so that I will be there for my stay and be out by graduation. It will be good, it will all work out. My counts shouldn't be low at the point and I will drop right after. I maybe won't have very much energy but you know that's a small little thing that can be delt with, so no worries.

Tonight is the Senior Banquet at school that I will be able to go to, again because I didn't have to go in for chemo. So it's turning out not so bad. It's a little extra feeling good time.

Remember Culver's on Monday. Just reminding you : )

So I don't know what to say. How about how are all of you. I always talk about myself, how are you? Good I hope.

Okay now I'm just rambling on. I will let you go.
Have a great day.
With love
Amy*

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 3:20 PM CDT

I think it was a blessing in disguise. Because my platelets aren't up my dad and I get to go to the Timberwolves game on Friday night, yyaahh. I got some tickets from someone I met when I went last time. He said if I was feeling good to give him a call and seeing that my chemo was delayed I thought way not, so I gave him a call. So thanks Tim

Well I'm of course still feeling good but really tired today because I stayed up for the Timberwolves game last night and it went until 1:30 in the morning. It went into overtime, but we won by one, if you didn't know.

Gosh I really don't know anything seeing that not much is happening medically. I guess that's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time.

I never know if I should update when i don't have anything medical to talk about. Seeing that caringbridge is to keep people informed about medical stuff.

Well I will let you know how my counts are tomorrow, maybe they will have taken a big jump, ya when pigs fly. Well maybe pigs can fly we just have never seen them : )

I will talk soon.
Love
Amy*

Monday, May 10, 2004 5:35 PM CDT

My platelets are just making me mad. I'm sure from that you can tell there will be no chemo tomorrow, probably none at all this week. They even fell from last Thursday, not much but they fell. I talked with Elisa and she just said that they hit me hard with the last chemo and it's just going to take time now. There's nothing they can do, and there's nothing I can do. It's all got to be up to my body and bone marrow as to how fast they reproduce and multiply. They are just really really taking their time. So again everything is on hold until next week.

But all this kind of presents a problem for graduation, I will be at my low point or I won't be feeling good. But I told them I don't want to wait and I have to do what I have to do. That's one thing that has gotten me this far. You gota to do what you gota to do.

Well the good thing is that I"m feeling pretty good. Still need my sleep but when I'm up I feel good. I was even playing out in the sandbox with the kids building roads.

And another thing as long as I'm home I can do more homework and get more stuff done, so that's good. I have to write a couple papers, read Macbeth, and do a little mass media.

So that's that. It's pretty much everything. Oh Mother's day was good. My mom and I went to church in the morning, my dad was working. Then we watched a movie, and when my dad came home we went out to dinner. It was a simple mother's day but it was great.

Now that's that. I will chat with you later
Love
Amy*

Monday, May 10, 2004 5:35 PM CDT

My platelets are just making me made. I'm sure from that you can tell there will be no chemo tomorrow, probably none at all this week. They even fell from last Thursday, not much but they fell. I talked with Elisa and she just said that they hit me hard with the last chemo and it's just going to take time now. There's nothing they can do, and there's nothing I can do. It's all got to be up to my body and bone marrow as to how fast they reproduce and multiply. They are just really really taking their time. So again everything is on hold until next week.

But all this kind of presents a problem for graduation, I will be at my low point or I won't be feeling good. But I told them I don't want to wait and I have to do what I have to do. That's one thing that has gotten me this far. You gota to do what you gota to do.

Well the good thing is that I"m feeling pretty good. Still need my sleep but when I'm up I feel good. I was even playing out in the sandbox with the kids building roads.

And another thing as long as I'm home I can do more homework and get more stuff done, so that's good. I have to write a couple papers, read Macbeth, and do a little mass media.

So that's that. It's pretty much everything. Oh Mother's day was good. My mom and I went to church in the morning, my dad was working. Then we watched a movie, and when my dad came home we went out to dinner. It was a simple mother's day but it was great.

Now that's that. I will chat with you later
Love
Amy*

Saturday, May 8, 2004 11:13 AM CDT

Ah Saturday morning, sleeping in, it feels so good. Can you believe I actually did a little homework already. Well it was just reading a book but it's homework. That's pretty much what I plan on doing for a while today. Later were running into St.Cloud to pick up a few things and I think were stopping at Culvers. Remember if you live in Minnesota or surrounding states that on the 17th you have to eat there. It's a fundrasier for mitchie. The miracles of Mitch. Just keep it in the back of your mind.

Nothing really happened yesterday, like nothing. I decided to watch a good movie with my mom last night to kick of Mother's day a little early. We watched Up Town Girls which was different then I thought but was good, yet sad, but good.

I have been feeling really good. I like when I feel good, it's always good for the mind, but yet it's like I'm ready to keep going with this thing. I'm just so ready to be done with this stuff.

Well I hope you have a great day and if I don't get back on here before sunday. Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's out there, or mother's to be, and all mother's. It's your day take advatage of it.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, May 6, 2004 1:26 PM CDT

Gosh my platelets are just taking their sweet time in coming up. They're only at 45,000 today, so that is a pretty much no, no that is a no for chemo this week. It's like they have staled and can't get started again. Well they better hurry up, I'm ready to go. They better jump on board, I need to get things moven.

Anyway I was up at school today to hand in all my homework things, but there was nothing for me to pick up, that's okay for today because tonight I wouldn't be doing any homework anyway, I will be parking my butt in front of the TV to watch Friends. Oh will I cry, I love that show. So please hold all the phone calls tonight, : ) because you won't be getting me on the phone.

I'm feeling pretty good, no complaints from my end. Just waiting for those darn platelets. Sometimes that's the hard thing, is waiting, waiting, waiting.

I put some new pictures on, if you haven't noticed already. I just did yesterday.

So pray for good platelets over the weekend : )

Well I'm out of here. Have a great day, it's really nice out, enjoy it to the fullest. Enjoy it for all the kids stuck in the hospital that can't go outside.
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, May 5, 2004 11:54 AM CDT

Guess what word I just heard on the phone.......Smaller and do you know what the word smaller means? My tumors were a little smaller if not the same. It was GREAT news to hear. He even said when he called that "Acutally they are the same if not smaller" The best quote I have ever heard. Nothing has grown anywhere else either. So if I didn't say it clear, my scans were AWESOME, even if it's there I love the same and smaller. There was a little something though on my upper right lobe, but it's not the shape of my tumor growth so he's hoping that it's some left over infection, which could be because the last two times I went in to the hospital it was for an infection in my lungs. So to make sure we are going to repeat the CT scan after this next round, which I'm still hopeing to start this week. Because the sooner I start now, the better I will be for gradutation, which is close. I think there is only 14 actual days left of school, but we get out early from everyone else.

We should be getting out a week before everyone, because in the past that's what everyone got to do , but this year we get out a couple days before everyone. But whatever.

I can't think of anything else to say right now, the only thing that's on my mind is the good scans.

Thank you all so so much for the prayers, they worked a miracle : )

Have an outstanding day and have lots of fun.
Love all
Amy*

Tuesday, May 4, 2004 9:46 PM CDT

What a long day, I'm so tired I could sleep for 12 hours straight.

I'll tell your right now, I don't know anything. My doctor wasn't able to read anything today because I had my appointment before my scans and they weren't done by the end of the day so I will find out tomorrow. Good news for today was that my lungs sounded there best ever. I ended up getting another unit of platelets but when they took my blood at the end of the day my platelets were up to 53,000, who knows if that was a true count, but hopefully it was. So i still hope to start chemo this week, possible maybe Friday, but will see.

I'm still plugging away at the homework, when I'm at home. I'm just never home, because I'm always driving back and forth to the cities, but when I'm not I'm working on stuff. I have to go in and hand stuff in, I have a bunch of it.

Okay so I'm going to bed now, I'm just pooped. I will let you know tomorrow what turns up.
Love
Amy*

Monday, May 3, 2004 1:43 PM CDT

Don't you just love Mondays? Oh nothing is happening here but I just had to say that because no one really likes Monday.

I've pretty much just have gotten my blood taken and that's not very interesting. I hope my all my counts are up though, that would be nice.

Big day tomorrow with a Doctor appointment, Bone scan, Chest CT, and Heart echo. It will be a day of tests. Hopefully it will be a good day with good news for once.

My aunt stopped in yesterday for the afternoon, and then my uncle stopped in on the way back the cabin. He gave my dad his birthday present and it's a big knife from china and I must say it's pretty cool.

So my gosh I really don't know much else. It's pretty much just been, homework days. I haven't been going to school because I would be there one day, gone the next, there the next day and then gone again and so on. That's not fair to the teachers, so I'm just getting the school work from school and doing it here at home.

Well okay then I'm out of here. Catch ya later
Love
Amy*

Saturday, May 1, 2004 6:27 PM CDT

I have something to pick with my body. Okay so my body temp is higher, or it has been like high and low 99's, okay then why am I always freezing. I mean I run around the house with a jacket on, mittens on, and a winter hat on. I think I should wear long johns because my leg is always cold too. What is up with that : )

Yesterday my dad and I went out to lunch at the Mall of America for his birthday. Guess where we ate.........Hooters. I heard they had good chicken wings so we decided to try it out. I felt better when we got there though because they were other older coupls there, so then I didn't think we looked so stupid then. Anyway they were pretty good, as were the onion rings. We did a little shopping, which I think we should have done more, because traffic was unbelievable. Wow was there A LOT of cars.

Today we went to Brandons baseball game and he did awesome. It's always fun watching brittany and brandon play their sports.

I also did some major shopping for the hospital again, on the big THANK YOU to Silver Linning. It's always fun doing that.

Boy though I am really tired though now. I don't think I have moved this much for awhile, but it was all worth it.

Oh start thinking of good scans for Tuesday. I have good feelings about these.

So that's about all I know. Hope your having a great weekend, but it's not over yet, so enjoy all you can.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, April 29, 2004 7:56 PM CDT

Another day, that was good, but with naps. I just can't hold my energy up. I guess I just have to sleep more : )

So, here I go again with so, I pretty only did homework today. It was the British Lit that I had to read three times to get what they were saying. I finally read it out loud to my mom and after every couple sentances, I made sure I knew what they were talking about. Anyway it's onto writing the papers now.

It's my dad's birthday today so we went out to eat for his Dinner birthday and then tomorrow when I go down for platelets we are going to stop at the Mall of America and do a little shopping and have another birthday dinner. So hopefully everything goes well with the platelets because they have trouble with things that last couple times. You know like my port won't work, or they don't have any platelets so we have to wait, or I end up needing more then what I thought, which tomorrow may be the case so I will mention something right away. Because again I had another 45 mintue nose bleed this morning and I won't make it the weekend, so they may end up giving me double. Will see when I get there. Will have to ask the Boss first, Jody.

Well that's pretty much all I know. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting. Will let you go
With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 6:40 PM CDT

It's going to be a quick one, I'm really tired. Another long but shorter day. I ended up not having to get blood, because my HBG was up so that saved me three to four hours.

Wasn't it so nice out today. I couldn't believe it but as always it won't be here long, like it will be gone tomorrow already. Warm weather just makes a person feel better.

What about those Timberwolves, great game. I should have stayed up for the whole thing but I had to be up early and the fourth quarter didn't start until after midnight, so it was off to la la land.

I needed my platelets today very badly. I had a 45 minute nose bleed this morning, not cool. Plus they were only 12,000, so yah I needed them.

I'm feeling pretty good, I just get tired out without enough sleep. With the past couple mornings that I had to get up early to take care of the nose thing, I was up for the day, and had to take naps in the afternoon already, so I still need lots of sleep.

I'm still kicking the homework in the butt, I keep pluging away at it, so any teachers that read this, it's coming.

So I'm going to go rest for a little while. Talk to you soon
Love
Amy*

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 10:22 AM CDT

I thought better come on here before you all were worried. I even had friends calling while they were in school this morning so, just to let you know that I'm fine. I just had to get some things off my chest last night and I talked it over with me sister and we didn't figure out what to do but I felt better to talk to her and get it out. So I'm fine, it wasn't anything health wise, so have no fears.

But I'm doing good. Just a little worried about my platelets, I had a 25 minute to a 30 minute nose bleed this morning and I go for platelets, so I'm worried about tomorrow, I have to drive myself. I will have to be extra carefull. Then last night I was putting something away and hit my head kind of hard on my wood cabinets which worried because then I was like great now something will bleed and then what do I do.

So I'm still getting things figured out. So ya I go in for platelets tomorrow and then again on Friday, with scans to follow on Tuesday. So it's busy busy. Man do I say SO a lot, whatever, that's okay I'm the one typing so whatever.

Well I'm going to let you go for now, so I can get some things done around here that I haven't been able to get to because well I have been stuck in the hosptial.

So I will talk to you soon.
And I'm fine
Love
Amy*

Monday, April 26, 2004 8:36 PM CDT

This is going to be quick, I am tired out. Well I'm home, in my own bed, which I haven't gotten to it yet and I sure would love too. Guess what I have been doing....Cleaning my room. I just have so much stuff, and I mean stuff. I don't know where to go with it anymore, so I decided to clean it, but I gave up for tonight. I've had about enough of that cleaning stuff for awhile but will have to finish it tomorrow.

Anyway my counts took a nice big jump from yesterday to today. Like I said once this count starts going up it goes up with leaps and bounds sometimes.

For reasons that I can't say, I just can't write anything else on here tonight. It's feelings inside
Sorry
Love
Amy*

Sunday, April 25, 2004 6:22 PM CDT

What a good day. I started off having my one favorite nurses, crista, which is always a good thing. My sister and her family came down and they took me out to eat at Apple Bee's for lunch and well pretty much dinner seeing that my dinner tray came and I'm not very hungery. Anyway it was great getting out for a little while and to have them come down and visit. I always love when they come, they always decorate my board and make it all pretty.

Sharon also came for a quick visit. And tonight I plan on watching the ABC family movie that they have been advertising forever, It actually looks good.

Well I'm still feeling good, and my WBC went from .2 to .3 which may not seem like much but it's a move and once this count moves on me it goes up fast, so I'm hoping in the very very near future that I will be able to go home. So I don't plan on being here long. Tomorrow, the next day are good guesses for going home.

Okay who watched the Timberwolves get their butt kicked and rekicked again last night. I turned it off just because I couldn't watch. I mean nothing was working for them, nothing. It was a bad sight to see. I just hope they can pull it together for Tuesdays game, I know they will.

That's enough for chating your ear off. I will update hopefully tomorrow with some good news of breaking out.
Will talk soon
Love
Amy*

Saturday, April 24, 2004 4:16 PM CDT

Well I didn't even make it to the weekend. I ended up with a fever yesterday afternoon. I was feeling fine, that's the thing. Feeling fine I guess is now a sign of fever. ANyway I just all of a sudden got really cold and took my temp because that's one of my tip offs and sure enough it was 100.6, which isn't too bad, but I have to call at 100.5. So what did I do, I waited it out for a while. But it went up to 101.4 and then I knew I had to call, so it was off to the cities we went, with me feeling fine, but just freezing. My White count had fallen again to .2. ANd it's another good thing that I was down here last night because, I called it, this morning I woke up with a blood nose that last 25 minutes and that's just because they had just started platelets. So my nose bleed went until they had gotten platelets started. So that would have been bad if I were at home and this happend. I mean it was still coming pretty good until they had some on baord. So what can I say, I'm feeling pretty good, I just have low counts. So that doesn't get me out of here until my white count is up and I'm producing nutrephils. Right now I have none.

I found out that my internet on my labtop doesn't work down here because it's long distance. I had never thought about that before. I mean it makes sence and all so my brother gave me a site to check out so I'm off to that next.

Tonight I'm watching the good ol Timberwolves play. They are so awesome. And when it comes down to it they are down to earth people. I think they're great

So as for me I will talk with you later from the Inn and hope to get out very soon. My sister is coming tomorrow, so I'm excited about that. And Brandon they have playstations now, so you won't be so bored

I'm signing off from the Inn
Love
Amy*

Thursday, April 22, 2004 6:38 PM CDT

READ DOWN BELOW FIRST:
Okay I'm back again. Survivor was good but it's getting down there.

This morning I woke up after having a dream about being around a pool and I had a runny nose, don't ask why the pool I don't know, but anyway I had a runny nose and in the dream it was just clear, well I woke up with a bloody nose instead. So in my dream I could feel it but in really life it was actually happening. It's kind of weird.

Now about American Idol last night, I was a little upset about that. I don't want to say who I like and who I don't, because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but the bottom three last night was terrible. People need to vote for who can sing, and lets say there should be some people who are kicked off first. And all the women did a outstanding job last night. Well I just had to get that off my chest. you should have heard when I called my sister this morning, we talked the whole thing out. It's kind of funny I get more made about this then other things.

I have to say hi to Erika and her little twin boy and girl. My mom use to babysit for Erika, and she use to be one of my favorite along with the other girls. She's one of the ones that got me into basketball because we would always go and watch her play. So Hey Erika : )

Well now I have to go watch Friends that I taped, and make sure it's over by the time ER is on. Thursdays are busy for me : )
Hope you have a good friday.
With Love
Amy*

READ FIRST:
Guess what, guess what, I,m writing this from my new laptop. It took forever to get it working and that I knew how to work it,so I'm really excited. So there will be more miss typed works then normal because the keys are just a bit different.

So my dad and I were off to the cities today for my lovely platelets. We got there a little early which was good because I called ahead and they were ready by the time I got there. The good guys were in in 45 minutes, then I'm like wait, I got platelets on Tuesday and today they were already 11,000, so how am I going to make it the weekend, So it was waiting around some more to get another unit of platelets, but by 4:00 I was ready to go.

But I'm on strict orders that if I have a bloody nose longer then 15 minutes to get my butt down there. Plus my White count is only .3, but I won't get a fever. Think no fever.

There is so much more I want to say, okay here I will put this on here, then watch Survivor,and come back to do an update, and add more.

see you in an hour.
Amy

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 10:09 PM CDT

Sorry these entries have gotten kind of late these days.

Anyway woke up this morning and my dad saying lets go to St.Cloud, seeing there shouldn't be to many people during the day and early in the morning. He was right too though, there wasn't really anyone. But Anyway we ran to the Scheels store, which is awesome. I got into the sporting department and went nuts. I mean think if I had two lets, I would have been buying stuff left and right. Anyway, I got a nice soccor ball and I can kick around, and I got a new hat. See now the hat is a big thing, because I wear the hat all the time. Oh and the best thing was these gummi chewy cherry things. They were very good. : )

Guess what I found packed away. My remote control race car from 5th grade. So I charged that baby up and brought it outside, and had lots of fun. All the daycare kids had there chance and lets say need to work on their driving : ) Anyway I was up by our house and was running the care across the street to the neighbors house and up that big hill, then back down and to the other neighbors, and up the ramp. It had good distance today. Then we played soccor for a while. Like I have said before, I'm a big kid and probably will never grow up. : )

Well I'm going to go lay down because from all the fresh air , moving around a lot more, it tired me out.
I will talk to you tomorrow, hopefully a little earlier.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, April 20, 2004 8:02 PM CDT

What a LONG day it was. So I wake up at 7:00 for my normal bathroom time, and then I had to move into my mom and dad's room becasue a lady was coming to paint it. It's blue now, like sky blue, it will take a little bit to get use to it. ANyway so I fell back asleep for a couple hours got up, showered and I was out the door, late by 5 minutes. You can't be on time all the time : )

So the drive down was fine and I got there just on time. Well I could have been a few hours late and it wouldn't have matter from what I found out next.

I waited at the day hospital for 5 hours for just platelets that can go in over 1/2 an hour. I guess there was shortage around the area, so please go give blood, we really need it in the area right now. So after the long awaited 5 hours I got blood, and was back out the door. I made it home just in time for American Idol, So yes a very long day. I go back Thursday too. I hope they have some then.

So that pretty much sums up my day. Hope yours was good.
With love
Amy*

Monday, April 19, 2004 8:17 PM CDT

So I'm still here living as usual. It's down for platelets already tomorrow. I was suppose to go in Thursday but Jody called and she said I wouldn't make it till thursday. Then she gave me, "now you make sure to call if you have a fever" talk. Because there's some nurses, lets say her name is "marker sniffer" who ratted me out last time : ) Don't worry I will call this time.

So I'm still doing okay, can't really complain, it's been much worse in the past, so I can't complain.

I got to see my little kiddies today. They haven't changed, Jody even said when she called that it sounded like a little zoo, I said it is a zoo.

Oh so the platelets thing, I get them tomorrow and I will go back down Thrusday again, and if it goes the way I think it will go I will be back the following Monday or Tuesday. My platelets tend to not keep very well during this time. But will let my body do what it does best.

That's all I really know for today. I will let you know how tomorrow goes. I'm driving so yes around 11:45 I will be in maple grove, but you should all be at work by then : )

With Love
Amy*

Sunday, April 18, 2004 9:21 PM CDT

I'm Happy to say that I'm home, I got home yesterday later afternoon. It was great to be home. I slept all the way home and you know the car ride made me tired so I took a nap when I got here : )

I don't I think this chemo did hit me as hard on the sence of that today I got up at 11:00 and haven't taken a nap, and normally I'm out. I mean I don't do anything while I'm up besides sit there. Today I sat outside for the longest time, it was really nice, it got up to 78 here.

Anyway there is something that kind of concerns me. Remember when my upper left side of my back hurt. Right under my shoulder. Well that has started to hurt again a little. Radiation is what took it away which would lead me to believe that something is growing again an pushing on a muscle or nerve. I really hope and pray that it's not growing, I'm really at the bottom of the bucket right now with options, but that won't stop me from fighting even harder. I will find out the truth on the 4th of May when I have lots of scans including the Chest CT, which will tell all. Also a bone scan which will update me on how the arm one did.

Gosh I'm happy to be home and I'm excited to see my little kids tomorrow, the day care kids. I actually miss them. Having Sadie coming to my door in the morning and knocking on it for me to get up, scooter(Jack) having me print off animal pictures for him from the internet, or just having cole and David saying "Hi Amy, will you play nintendo for us" They mean a lot to me so when I'm gone for a week, I miss them.

okay that's enough sappy stuff. I will chat with you tomorrow hopefully with news that I'm feeling well.
Got to run, the Timberwolves are on and I'm watching that and typeing at the same time, so sorry for all the spelling errors even though there are always spelling errors anyway. : )

Okay got to go.
Love bunches
Amy*

Friday, April 16, 2004 9:09 PM CDT

Another quick one. It looks like I will be able to head home tomorrow, and back into my own bed.

The chemo is going okay so far. I get my last one tonight. Just the little tummy aches yet but nothing to big. Now lets hope it stays this way. I have scans set for the 4th of may. It will be a whole day thing. I am getting some blood tomorrow to boost me up for when I go home and then I have platelets for Thrusday already.

I'm getting that gross icky coating in my mouth from the mesna. It will be with me for the next few days. It just makes my mouth feel gross. I'm swishing it with stuff all the time to just get the tast, texture, stuff out.

Anyway So I hope to write this from home the next time. I will be talking with you soon.

Love
Amy*

Thursday, April 15, 2004 5:51 PM CDT

THis is going to be a quick one. I'm a little tired but still not to bad. I feel myself laying around more, and sleeping more, but that's all to be expected. Two more days to go and home on Saturday. Today I pretty much watched some movies, and took it as easy as possible. I had crista as my nurse again, which is always fun.

Tonight is Survivor night, Friends night, and American Idol seeing it was delayed the other night. So I have my mom taping some things at home for me.

The stomache is getting a little icky now. I mean not nausa but just a stomach ache, but again to be expected.

So all I pretty much have to say today is that everything is on track.

With Love
Amy*

Wednesday, April 14, 2004 4:00 PM CDT

Another day down and still doing okay. I'm noticing it a little more now, just in the way that I'm tired, and my eye lids are more heavy. But I keep getting good nurses who take good care of me, so it all works out.

Guess what today Crista brought me outside, because it was so nice out. IT was like 70 degrees, and very nice in the sun. A little chilly when the wind picked up but the sun was great.

I got to talk with Jenn who is a cancer survivor and she use to work here but she stopped in, so it was great to see her. And Susie, from care partners through CCRF, came and we watched my camp movie. I had 4 nurses,and Dr. stenier until I kissed the fish, then the doc ran out. It was a great movie, as always. Watched it yesterday too.

TonightI'm going to take it easy, maybe visit the nurses, or it's Teen night tonight, I forgot about that. Pizza and pop are on the way.

So that's about it for the interesting hospital. Keep thinking good thoughts because they are working.kll
Love much
Amy*

Tuesday, April 13, 2004 4:40 PM CDT

The first bag is going in and so far so good. I say that now but will see how it is later. So ya I'm feeling really good yet. booping around up here causing trouble, it's what I do best.

I just had a little session with a music person. You know for like therapy kind of. Anyway we put my poem to a song and it sounds awesome. I love it. He's going to put it on a CD for me, it sounded so good.

Today I had crista as my nurse and tonight I have auntie Jill. Love them both. So it should be a fun night. I was crista's only patient today after 10:00, so we hung out.

Nothing else to exciting though. Just hanging out doing what needs to be done, to kick this thing in the butt.

So that really is about it. I mean I'm here doing my job and that's about it.

So i will chat with you all later
Love
Amy*

Monday, April 12, 2004 11:46 PM CDT

The game was AWESOME. I had so much fun, and I got to meet some great people. The game was great, the hotdog was great, the company was great, lets just say it was great. I'm glad I put chemo off a couple days to go to the game.

Well I'm all checked into the Inn for the next couple days. Hopefully it goes smoothly with no mind mishaps, or falling down but not knowing it for sure, or forgetting people that come into the room. Whatever is what I have to say. Anyway I just hope it goes well.

I already played a little cribbage with the intern, and she kicked my butt. I'm losing my game, or it's just that I win against Amy all the time. Anyway she won, but it was a good game.

My port is up to no good again. They have to give me TPA because it flushes good but it doesn't draw blood back, which is a have to have.

My doctor was on call and I was excited because then I actually get to see him but he was either done tonight, or tomorrow is his last day. : (

My nurse is here with my TPA so have to run. Again I will update when I can or somebody will if I can't.
With Love
Amy*

Sunday, April 11, 2004 9:44 AM CDT

Happy Easter : )

Had to come and say that. I already found the eggs that my dad hid before he went to work. I don't care how old I am I will never be to old to find the eggs on Easter morning.

Guess what I plan on doing today.........My Lit paper, yyaahh : ) That's okay I want to do it. Wait did I just say that. I better go take my temp. it may be up there.

Well I just wanted to come and say Happy Easter. So have a good one.
With Love
Amy*

Friday, April 9, 2004 6:36 PM CDT

The baseball was out on hold on account of the SNOW. What did I tell you about Minnesota weather. Yes yes I woke up this morning and it was snowing out. So I stayed cuddled under my covers.

It was a pretty lazy day around here. I mean really, I'm not sure what to really tell you about today. I'm feeling pretty good, I'm wearing my jacket around the house and my right hand is freezing, it all sounds like a normal day : )

I'm not sure yet what I'm doing today, I'm sure hang out with friends. I feel like a good movie at the movie theater. There are so many out that I want to see.

If I don't get on here before Suday, Happy Easter to everyone. Hope your all with family on this special day or with someone that's close to you.

Gosh I really don't have much else to say. Have a great weekend. Stay safe and warm.
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, April 8, 2004 8:02 PM CDT

I'm back at home. I could have started today, which I'm very proud of my platetets for being up, but I decided not to start until Monday night. For two reasons, One, I can be home for Easter. My dad has to work and my mom would be at home alone, and that shouldn't be on Easter. And Two then I can go to the Timberwolves game Monday night. It will be another high before I go in for chemo, to work me up a little bit, even though I'm ready for this chemo now. So I have the weekend to have fun.

Today went well. My dad drove down, so no worry. : ) The traffic down 94 was crazy, we ended up taking a different way, down 494 instead. We were a little late but whatever. I got all my questions answered, my stich taken out, and got a little blood. The headaches are taken care of now. My blood was a little low for me. I do much better when it's higher. The weekend will help with that too. It will give my counts a little more time to rise.

So the plan is to go to the game Monday night and then get admited after that, so it will be later at night. They won't be able to start anything really, just fluids. They won't start chemo until Tuesday.

I'm still taking my naps everyday but you know I just need a little extra sleep, and I'm just going to have to work one it here or there.

I get to play with the daycare kids all day tomorrow. Will have to play a little baseball again, if it's not to cold out. It's suppose to get a little colder again. That's Minnesota weather for ya. It was 70 degress two days ago and now it's in the 40's, and next week were suppose to hit 80. Now if that's not spread out I don't know what is.

I'm going to try and catch up on British Lit this weekend so that I'm all caught up right before I go back to the hospital. Because I know I'm not going to be wanting to do it next week.

So I'm all out of things to say. Make sure to spend time with family this weekend.
Love
Amy*

Thursday, April 8, 2004 8:02 PM CDT

I'm back at home. I could have started today, which I'm very proud of my platetets for being up, but I decided not to start until Monday night. For two reasons, One, I can be home for Easter. My dad has to work and my mom would be at home alone, and that shouldn't be on Easter. And Two then I can go to the Timberwolves game Monday night. It will be another high before I go in for chemo, to work me up a little bit, even though I'm ready for this chemo now. So I have the weekend to have fun.

Today went well. My dad drove down, so no worry. : ) The traffic down 94 was crazy, we ended up taking a different way, down 494 instead. We were a little late but whatever. I got all my questions answered, my stich taken out, and got a little blood. The headaches are taken care of now. My blood was a little low for me. I do much better when it's higher. The weekend will help with that too. It will give my counts a little more time to rise.

I'm still taking my naps everyday but you know I just need a little extra sleep, and I'm just going to have to work one it here or there.

I get to play with the daycare kids all day tomorrow. Will have to play a little baseball again, if it's not to cold out. It's suppose to get a little colder again. That's Minnesota weather for ya. It was 70 degress two days ago and now it's in the 40's, and next week were suppose to hit 80. Now if that's not spread out I don't know what is.

I'm going to try and catch up on British Lit this weekend so that I'm all caught up right before I go back to the hospital. Because I know I'm not going to be wanting to do it next week.

So I'm all out of things to say. Make sure to spend time with family this weekend.
Love
Amy*

Wednesday, April 7, 2004 12:11 AM CDT

I have nothing to do in school service today so I thought I would drop a line early instead of late.

I'm doing better today, still tired but that's okay. I've learned to live with it. The headaches as well. I will be saying something tomorrow at the appointment.

Which I have my doctors appointment tomorrow. I'm not sure what time it is but I have to call. I'm guessing the plan is to continue to do what I'm doing now. Please say just a little prayer that it goes well. Nothing to big though, there are so many other's out there that need more prayers right now then I do. So just a little one.

School is going good. One more class for today and then I'm off for home to more then likely take a nap. Doesn't that sound good right now.

We tried out our new grill last night and I actually ate. This chemo has messed up my eating. Not that I'm sick or anything but I'm just never hungery. I could go a whole day and not eat and I would think nothing of it. So I force myself to eat at times. But don't worry I'm eating. I think it has to do a little with that I can't really taste anything anyway, so I never get a really big desire to eat anything.

Well again that's enough of my rambling. Sorry I can't tell you what time I'm coming through the cities so I guess you will have to watch out the whole day. Well No I think my dad is driving, so then it's okay : )

Talk to you all later.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, April 6, 2004 8:35 PM CDT

Tired, Tired, Tired, that pretty much explains it. I was so tired this morning even after my two hour nap right before I went to bed. Anyway it was slow morning for me. Plus this is the morning that i wanted to get to school a little earlier so that I could get help in one of my classes understanding a poem. I just didn't get it. It's a read between the lines thing, I think.

Anyway good news I'm all caught up with two of my classes, the third is school service and there's no catching up in that, then that leaves British Lit. which will be a tough on for me this quarter, being gone and stuff. Funny thing is, well it's not funny, but whatever, I'm all caught up just when I have to go back to the hospital, it always works like that. Well I guess I work myself back again when I get back. It will get done some how, sometime.

I've had this headache all day, and it's not an ordinary headache that i have. I think it's a low blood headache. Like I said Monday I always do much better when my blood is higher. I will have to get that checked out.

Was another nice day out. I did some homework outside and again played a little baseball with the kids. It keeps me young : ) You know because i"m getting so old : )

See now, now I'm just rambling. So i will let you go from here then.
Love always
Amy*

Monday, April 5, 2004 11:33 AM CDT

UPDATE: I'm back as I said. As I said before my platelets are holding their own, I'm very happy about that.

I played a little baseball with the daycare kids when I got home. I was the pitcher, and a fine pitcher at that. : ) After dinner I took a two hour nap. I can't seem to shake the nap. I'm just so tired by the end of the day. I suppose it will have to work it's way up. I have also had this cough that drives me up a wall at times. It's pretty much when I talk. The inhalers worked great in the beginning on it but now they don't last as long. I'm back to using my old one during the day as well. So I hope that gets better.

Anyway I really don't have much else for today. I hope you are all doing well. Thanks for the continued support.
Love
Amy*

I have to make this really quick. I'm in school and well the bell is going to ring any minute.

I'm doing good just really tired and some headaches. I got my counts done early this morning and just called Elisa. My Hbg is good, but I always do better when I'm higher. I think I may get some Thursday when I go down for my appointment. I'm suppose to start chemo this Thursday but am hoping to push it back to late Monday night. Mitchies daddy called and he has tickets to the T-Wolves game, box seats and asked if I wanted to go. Of course. So I'm hoping that I can go in after the game and start chemo. My platelets are doing alright. They are holding their own which is great.

Okay the bell rang and i"m out of here. I will chat when I get home.
With Love
Amy*

Saturday, April 3, 2004 9:03 AM CST

I don't know what happend to my Friday update, sorry about that. I wrote one, I'm not sure why it didn't come on here.

Anyway I was glad it was Friday. I was in school for two days and I needed a weekend already. As was Thursday, I was tired again Friday, but you know I already knew that, so it's not that big of a deal, I just know that when I come home I have to take it easy. Which is hard again because I have homework that I need to finish and when I come home I'm just beat, so that's kind of hard.

So I have this thing with my eye. I guess I have had it for awhile. But okay, my left eye lid is closed more then my right. In the morning it starts out kind of shut but by the end of the day it's half way shut. It's kind of weird but I guess I have had it for awhile. I only noticed it about two months ago, and now some nurses are only noticing it now. So again very weird. Don't ask me what's up with that though.

This weekend I think with be my homework weekend, where I'm going to try and get as close to the class as possible with the stuff I have. So will see how it goes.

Other then that, there's not too much. It's sunny out which makes the day feel so much better, and it was really nice out yesterday, but you know I'm cold blooded so I had to put more layers on when I went outside.

Okay that's enough rambling from me.
Have a great weekend,
and will talk to you soon
With Love
Amy*

Thursday, April 1, 2004 6:35 PM CST

I have to go fast, survivor starts soon.
I said it yesterday and it's true, I'm pooped. School took a lot out of me. I'm going to sleep good tonight. I feel like an old ladie. I can't move and my bones ache, not that old ladies can't move, : )

School was good though, it was great to be with friends again. What made it interesting was we had a power outage, nice nice. Well my last class was on the top floor and I was on the bottom, so therefore I had to go up the stairs. The elevator didn't work. Wow was that tough. My leg was about to fall off and my tummy muscles were hurting like crazy, and don't forget the air thing, I was breathing pretty heavy. So for now, no stairs is better.

I'm all done with my third quarter classes, and I'm so glad. I talked to the teacher today, he was very helpful. Anyway now it's a week to catch up on the new classes. I have Adv. Pscy., British Lit., School service, and Mass Media. So it's a little tougher quarter but hopefully it goes well. I'm doing school service at my school this quarter rather then Holy Family like I did last quarter. I would like to go over there but again it's a stairs thing. I just can't handle stairs right now, and all they have is stairs. So that kind of stinks. I loved going over there.

So for feeling really tired I'm doing pretty good. I have to run though. My time is up for writing.
Talk to you soon
Love
Amy*

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 8:47 PM CST

I'm all pooped out. Today was lots of fun with a little date with platelets this afternoon.

Anyway this morning I started off with having a bloody nose, so I called and seeing that I was going down to the cities already I asked if I could stop and get my counts taken. So I did and my platelets were boarderline so I got them.

Okay but before I got platelets I met Auntie Jill, Elisa, and Laura at the clinic and we got to go to a studio session with Five for Fighting. It was so awesome. And it worked out great for Elisa becuase you know I had to call her and we had extra tickets so she got to come on last minute, which was so great. Anyway through the KS95 Radiothon a guy bought this studio session and he gave it back so we got to go. There was like a total of 20 to 25 of us. There was patients and nurses, and we all had the best time ever. John Ondrasik, that's the signer, was really nice. He took time to meet and talk with us. He was great. Anyway that was the big highlight of the day.

Once I was done with that it was back to the clinic for some platelets. Well my port didn't work then, so I had to get TPA for 1/2 an hour. But Jill Zeman and Berta kept me company. After the TPA it work and the platelets were on their way in. I was all and they did a post platelet check of my BP and temp, I had a slight fever, great now what. I had to wait a while and as long as it wasn't going up I could go. It didn't go up so I was out of there.

I didn't realize until today how long that drive is from the hospital to home. Wow for some reason it took forever to get home. I got home and went straight for the floor, it was closer then the the chair or bed.

With this last chemo I got I have lost my taste and smell. Like last night I had Orange Crush, one of my favorite pops, and if I didn't pour it myself I couldn't have told you what kind it was. It kind of stinks not being able to taste anything that's going into your mouth. I could eat something that I hate and it wouldn't bother me just because there is nothing there. It's kind of weird and I really hope that it comes back.

Well this has gotten kind of long. It's off to school tomorrow. Wish me luck. I'm sure I'll be all pooped out tomorrow too.

Anyway have a good night, or day.
With Love
Amy*

Tuesday, March 30, 2004 6:24 PM CST

Another good day. I just love the good days. It makes up for all the bad days. I took it easy today, and then went to school to get some class things figured out. I got it all taken care of and ready for school on Thursday. I plan on going back Thursday. For as long as possible. The teachers are willing to help out, so I'm so super glad about that. It was good to be back though just to see friends in the hallway for just a second.

Once I got home from that some friends came to help me finish up my Accounting, I still have just a bit to do, but they are going to come Thursday again to help out.

Tomorrow I'm going to a little thing with CCRF with some people and some of the nurses. So it should be lots of fun. I will let you know how that goes tomorrow.

I'm watching the Minnesota Gopher Women's basketball team play right now. They are doing so awesome.

So everything is going well for me right now. Just the energy thing, walking long distances, but that's about it.

I will let you go for now. I hope your all well.
With Love
Amy*

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