Mary's Prayer

Dear Daddy God,
Thank you for today. Thank you for my family and my friends. Thank you making me special. Thank you for all your help and guidance when we need it most. Thank you for the stars in the sky and the sun that shines on my face. Thank you for loving me soooo much.
Love, Mary Catherine

Journal

Sunday, May 22, 2011 12:11 AM CDT

I always wondered what would happen if I was out of commission and couldn't do what I normally do for Mary and my family. You know, the daily routine that we have all become accustom to but most, never really think about the impact of not having "that person" who "usually" does "that job" in a family unit.

Well, that happened. Started having a stomach ache that I thought was just something I ate and it turned out to be appendicitis. The pain was so bad i passed out in the bathroom and Ken called the ambulance. This was at 4am. So what do we do at 4am? Years ago when the kids were 10, 5 and 3 Grandma who just live around the block would come. Uncle Bod and Aunt Liz would come. Mr Conley who would just be getting home from nights would come. But this was because Mary had to go to the hospital and the other 3 were little.

Allison is away at school and Kenneth and William are teenagers so they are no longer babies and have learned over the past 10 years how to be self sufficient out of necessity. Not a bad thing actually.

BUT

What about Mary? I am her primary caregiver. Now the caregiver is out of the picture. What happens? Well, here's what happened. Ken is now in charge of all descision making.

He woke up the boys before the ambulance arrived and told them what happened. Their help was needed to step in and care for their sister. Reality is, there is more to just "watching" their sister. There is a great deal more involved. My biggest concern is not over burdening them with their sisters care. That was done to me when my father had his stroke. I was only 16 and the burden that was placed upon me should never have been. I keep that in mind and well to make a long story short, that is why Allison is away at school.

William had NJ ASK testing and even though he could have made it up, it was important for him to get to school. Those were Kenneth's words. Kenneth said he would stay home to take care of Mary. She was still sleeping when all this transpired.

Ken set up Mary's morning meds for them. Mary would get her meds before William left for school so both of them could support each other in giving her, her seizure medication. Mary is also not potty trained so her morning routine in emphasized in the bathroom. For 2 teeage boys this could pose to be challenging, but Mary is not a "girl" she's their sister and they do what has to be done. This however, was a different situation. Ken asked Kenneth if he wanted him to call for "back up" in case of a situation. Kenneth said, "I got it. Don't worry. We'll be fine".

It was an all day deal at the hospital by the time they figured out it was my appendix. My symptoms were not typical and even when they took me down to the OR the surgeon was sure it was my appendix but because of my history of Inflammatory bowel disease, it could also be that.

2pm hit. Mary gets Keppra at 2pm. We were still in the ER. Ken didn't want to leave me because they were still evaluating me. He called home to give Kenneth an update. He then talked Kenneth through measuring out 5 ml's of Keppra to give it to her. "That's all there is to it"? was his response. A sence of accomplishment I'm sure. Mary is very good taking her meds. That helps.

When they came to take me to the OR Ken left to go home. Kenneth had been with Mary all day by himself. Ken continuously checked in on the home front to make sure things were ok with Kenneth and Mary. One phone call made me laugh, Kenneth was playing Led Zepplin on You Tube and Mary kept asking Kenneth, "again". So she likes to, "get the Led out". His compassion and love for her is truely beautiful.

Ken didn't make it back to the hospital until they got me to a room. He felt bad about not being there when I got out and was in recovery, but I was being taken care of and he couldn't do anything at that point and he was needed at home.

I'm not sure about the time when Ken finally got back to the hospital drugs have a tendency to alter awareness, but I know he was there and the nurses updated him on the outcome. That's all that mattered.

Ken had to take off work that Thursday and Friday and then take his vacation the following week to care for me and Mary. I've been away at times and when I'm at work he cares for Mary, we all do but this time around it was different. And for the most part I'm still limited while I recover.

The role of caregiver has really made me think about our family situation and having my appendix removed has really made me think about my own mortality.

Passing out on the bathroom floor was a God send. Over the past 10 years since Mary's siezure onset, I have put my health and well being on the back burner and put my children and husband first. If I chalked this up to just a stomach ache, which is what I thought it was, my appendix might have bursed and then where would I be? A much longer recovery or maybe dead.

I'm taking this as a wake up call. I'm not sure what I'll be called to do but God will show me. He has shown me so much beauty this past 2 weeks. Mary receiving her sacrament of Eucharist was a gift. Truely a gift. The Holy Spirit was present and moved within so many of us. Welling up our hearts with joy at seeing His love through my child.

That deep down into the pit of my soul faith feeling is so strong right now and I pray it will remain with me. Knowing how much He loves me. Granting me the privledge to be instumental for His greater purpose. Even though that purpose may only to be Mary's mother. A greater love than I can express.

So it's all in God's hands and he will direct me with "inspired thought".

Thank you for checking in on us. Thank you for your understanding and unconditional love for my family. Thank you for your friendship in the face of fear. Thank you for that "cup of coffee".

Love and peace
Cathy

Hospital Information:

Hackensack University Medical Center

Links:

E-mail Author: kcandkids403@verizon.net

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