History

Thursday, January 22, 2015 8:05 AM CST

Seems like yesterday …

It has almost been nine years since the three of us said goodbye to our beautiful daughter/Sissy. Wow, seriously, nine years ago on the 28th!?! On one hand, it seems like yesterday and on another, I feel like my heart has had this empty place in it forever. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t grieve … a time when the pain in my heart didn’t threaten to take over my whole body … a time when I was not mentally aware that each moment was a choice and JOY had to be the choice or the grief would consume me. There are times when choosing joy exhausts me. Times when I tread water long enough to breathe, but that is about it. As we approach the anniversary of Miriam’s death, this is one of those times.

Darian is spending the month of January in France. Great times, you think? Yes, great times, yet times still marred by the constant reminder that her Sissy isn’t just a phone call away and won’t be waiting to greet her at the airport upon her return. She and her friends were having a conversation about “High School Musical” the other day at their hotel. They discussed how it came out in 2006. Darian said it came out in January. She said her friends looked at her and laughed because she knew the specific month. Do you know why she knows? Because it was one of the last films she was able to watch with her Sissy. After that conversation, as soon as she could, she messaged me and then hid in the bathroom to cry. Yes, great times, always with someone missing! She has moments like this all of the time, because parallel to her life is a life she thought she would live that included her Sissy.

I embrace reading about the lives of Miriam’s friends on Facebook. God bless the ones who still stay in touch, but when we lost Miriam, we lost a whole group of people with whom we had spent the previous 14 years. I smile at their successes, their weddings, and their birth announcements. Sometimes, Vern and I can’t help but wonder if we wouldn’t have a son-in-law at the table and maybe a new baby in our arms. Wouldn’t that be something? Instead, we must content ourselves with enjoying the happiness of her friends and knowing that Miriam has everything she needs and so much more … thank you, Jesus.

Sharing Darian’s life with her is a joy to Vern and me. Good grief, how did she get to be such an amazing young woman? We count ourselves fortunate that she actually likes to be with us. She and I have a relationship that I really wanted to experience in my lifetime … mother and adult daughter. It is a wonderful thing to have that kind of love, that kind of security, that kind of magic. I’m just hoping she feels that way when I have blue hair, red lipstick all around my lips, knee-high hose gathered at the ankle, and my skirt pulled up to my boobs. That will be the real test!

There aren’t many things we “don’t” anymore, as we’ve tried to slowly incorporate the things Miriam loved doing back into our lives; however, we still don’t eat Skyline Chili. That girl could yum yum yummy her way through Skyline like nobody’s business! Darian still can’t watch “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy. You might as well count me down and out if the song “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” comes on the radio. My girl loved me to sing that to her. Miriam’s room is pretty much the same with the exception that I use her desk as my office because we didn’t want her room to be a no go zone. She was a little girl, not a saint. Sometimes, however, I find Vern standing in the doorway to her room, just looking inside. These are the moments that take my breath away.

So, after nine years, here is what I know:

Time does not heal all wounds. God gives you strength and peace to live with the pain.

People, even people who shouldn’t, seem to act like “it’s over”. No, it’s not and it never will be. Worse yet are the people who seem to have totally forgotten it ever happened … SHE ever happened. The second part of that is – it never gets easier.

We’re still a family of four. I am still a mother to two beautiful girls.

Vern is still the best husband and father ever. I am so grateful for the truly unconditional love he brought into my life. It gave me an opportunity to be free and to feel safe.

Darian is amazing, strong, courageous, smart, funny, joy-filled … and the list goes on and on.

I have some truly remarkable friends. I love you.

I am crazy. I am thankful that I am. My friends seem to embrace it.

Life goes on and the time passes. We all know that, because the majority of us has had something in our lives with which we deal on a daily basis. Whatever yours is, always remember God is bigger and stronger than it is and He loves you beyond measure. We believe in a good and faithful God who is with us every step of the way. We believe we have a purpose here on the earth and that is where we keep our focus. We believe we’ll be with Miriam for eternity and, wow, it’s hard to argue with eternity! I think we might even feast on Skyline Chili when we get there!

Friday, April 22, 2011 3:04 AM CDT

We’ve been pretty busy since Christmas, although truthfully, so many things are repetitive so it doesn’t seem like much has changed. Darian is still remarkably busy with school, music, journalism and all of the other things she manages to find time to fit into her schedule. Right now, we have an exchange student from Germany staying with us for a month. Her name is Julia and she is absolutely wonderful. We are going to miss her very much when she goes home. It’s been interesting for me to say “the girls” and I have to admit that I have choked back tears more than not when I’ve said it as it has been too many years since I’ve been able to refer to “the girls” doing anything in the present. Darian will be traveling to Germany and staying with Julia’s family from mid-June to mid-July. When she comes back, she gets to breathe for a few days and then she’ll be off to the High School Journalism Institute at Indiana University. Three years of planning and working hard have culminated in her being named editor-in-chief of the school newspaper next year and she is off the grid with joy. After coming home from that, it’s two weeks of marching band camp and then school starts. The big senior year! She is excited and nervous at the same time – for many reasons. I will always say that she is the strongest “survivor” of cancer I know. She lost her sister and best friend at the same time, but she continues to get up each day, live in joy and encourage others to do the same.

Vern continues (let’s all say it together now) “to work too hard too often”. Surely by now you all know what I’m going to say! The economy has done the small business man no favors, but we praise God for provision each and every day. I’m so proud of him, because this year he feels God’s call to participate in a mission trip to Ghana to minister with our friends, Terry and Amy, who are missionaries there. He’ll be taking off the end of July and heading out on what I know will be a life-changing trip. He’s been very excited about all of the shots he’s had to get – NOT! After this, he’ll be good to go anywhere and I do mean anywhere!! He also says that this is the year he is going to go to India with Darian and me. I continue to pray that it works out that he can go as I want so much for him to see what I see and love what I love. Daily, he strives to seek God’s will and follow his call. I was so blessed the day he convinced me to marry him! haha

Me, well it’s the same old same old – which I never take for granted. It seems like this summer I’ll mostly be taking someone somewhere or picking up someone from somewhere as this seems to be the year of travel for all of us. Other than that, it’s work, home, friends and a little bit of craziness thrown in for good measure. Julia has been here three weeks and she hasn’t met anyone who hasn’t seemed to be anxious to tell her that she isn’t living with a “normal” American family. I can always count on our friends to put the truth out there!!

Mother’s Day is coming up soon and it just happens to also be what would have been Miriam’s 20th birthday. When I think of the time that has elapsed from her death to her 20th birthday, I can only be grateful to God for seeing us through each day. Not only seeing us through, but giving us the strength and will to live in His grace, in His comfort, in His strength and in His JOY! The process of feeling those around you move the death of your child to the backburner while it is always fresh to you has been, at times - interesting, hurtful, dumbfounding, enlightening and painful – but, truthfully, it is at it should be. In truth, the days are slightly less difficult than they were – not because our hearts aren’t beating with grief every moment of every day – but because the consistency and longevity of the grief have taught us how to live with its ongoing presence. I miss my baby … no amount of time will ever take away the fact that I long to hear her laugh, smell her hair, touch the soft skin of her forehead, hold her hand, see her green eyes flash with joy, watch her share a story with her sister, or hear her say “I love you, mommy”. How does enough time ever change these kinds of things? It doesn’t.

Easter is here …
You know, Easter has always been my favorite Christian celebration. Certainly not because of Jesus’ torture and death, but because of what His resurrection means to us. I’ve also always been very humbled by the fact that God would send His son to die for me (after all, I know me and I don’t feel like anybody ought to die for me). After Miriam died, Easter took on an even deeper meaning for me. I could relate in a more personal way to what it must have been like for God to send His son to die for us. I would have done anything to save Miriam, so it is amazing to me that God was WILLING to send Jesus because of His love for us. I hope you all have a wonderful Easter as you celebrate the resurrected Christ.

Always remember, God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna

Tuesday, December 7, 2010 9:28 PM CST

Busy summer, busy fall, now busy winter! I praise God for keeping us busy with what He has called us to do as it makes the days blessings instead of as difficult as they would be if we didn’t stay focused on Him.

My goodness, where to begin …

Darian could not be busier if she tried. She works longer days than I do. Who knew that high school could be so unbelievably busy? Between her music and her journalism, it’s go, go, go and more go! I am so thankful that she is a faithful young woman who strives to live in God’s will for her life. She isn’t a perfect teen, but then we are far from perfect parents. (Please don’t tell Darian in case she doesn’t know! Hahaha) She is traveling with me to India this year and we are looking forward to two weeks together. It will be a special time for us. She will also be traveling to Germany, for a month, this June – so exciting things are happening for her.

You know what I’m going to say about Vern, right? He works too hard, but then working keeps us strong and build character and he’s quite a character! I made one of the best decisions of my life when I married him. (Again, the “what Vern doesn’t know, doesn’t hurt him” rule applies here! We need to keep him wondering!)

Me, well I’m still working at the job that God provided that I was sure didn’t exist … you remember, the one with wonderful hours, great pay, no stress and the perfect environment! Who knew such a job actually existed, but I am so fortunate to have found it! I’ve been speaking, when God provides the opportunity and Vern and I sing when the occasion arises.

I keep thinking that it might get easier to get up and put my feet on the floor – the missing of my precious Miriam – but it doesn’t. The pain is as fresh as it was nearly five years ago, but thankfully – through the grace and mercy of God – dealing with the pain has become easier. There are times I think my heart will stop beating if I do not hear her voice, see her smile or smell her and yet – my heart continues beating because God has a plan and I have the wonderful, precious gift of Darian’s life and I don’t want to miss a second. We, as a family, don’t want to fail to do God’s will and we are all so thankful to have each other … and crazy people like you all who have lifted us up in prayer, laughed with us, cried with us, and shared so much with us over the last seven years. Can you believe that it’s been seven years this Christmas Eve?

I want to wish you all a Blessed Christmas as we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I wish for you all to find the joy in each moment and pray for you to follow the plan that God has for your lives.

As always, we thank God for each of you. I’ll try to update again, in a few months, as I have let quite a bit of time slip by since my last update. Please keep in touch and you can always find me on facebook.

We remain faithfully believing … God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Saturday, April 24, 2010 4:33 PM CDT

It is so hard to believe that I haven’t updated Miriam’s page since Christmas. As I said then, however, this page was for her and not really about us … but I will still try to update it a couple of times a year.

It has been a very busy winter and spring. Again, it is often harder now and our emotions are more raw, than it was in the months right after Miriam’s death. We, as a family, continue to be thankful that God is good to see us through each day. I am tired of cancer in all its forms. In the last two weeks, I’ve buried one friend who died from breast cancer; been to a “goodbye boobs” dinner for a friend who is having a double mastectomy on May the 5th; and been in prayer about a young man whose cancer has returned. If I could have one dream realized in my lifetime, it would be to have cancer eradicated from the face of the earth. Now, I’ll get off of my soapbox and bring you up-to-date.

Darian is such a blessing. When I look at her face, I cannot deny that life is good. It isn’t what I dreamed it would be, without Miriam, but it is beautiful and wonderful nonetheless. She is amazing and it fills me with joy to be a part of her life. She keeps a schedule that I would have never imagined in high school. Meetings here, practices there, activities everywhere … it is a symphony of time management, organization and strength. How is it then that she cannot manage to find the time to clean her room? Her room is the single strongest reminder to me that she is indeed a teenager. She got her license in February and it is so odd for her to leave the house without me. This summer she will be traveling to Florida with the band; attending a journalism workshop at IU, practicing with the marching band and working as a nanny again. Summers are not what they were when I was young … all those years ago. Please keep her in your prayers. I always tell people that Miriam didn’t survive her fight with cancer, but Darian survived her fight with cancer. She may not have carried the cancer in her body, but she had to fight just the same. I see her struggle with things that other teenagers don’t even think about and I see a maturity level so far beyond her years. She is an amazing young woman of faith and I cannot even begin to imagine where God is leading her.

Vern, of course, works far too hard. How many times have I said those words in the last seven years? We are so excited because, when Darian goes with the band to Florida, we are heading to San Francisco to celebrate our 20th anniversary. It is also our hope, as a family, to travel to India this December. Darian was able to go with me on my second trip, but Vern has never been. I really want him to see the country and love it as much as I do. In October and November, four of my Indian friends are planning to come to the States, if all the visas and passports can be obtained. Please keep them in your prayers.

Other than that, it’s pretty much work, church, and cheering Darian on in her endeavors. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. As always, pray for the children and families affected by cancer. It is such an understatement to say that prayer is the sustainer by which all of us gain our strength - whether it is to fight cancer or to live in joy and with purpose after the death of a child.

God remains good and faithful.
We love you all.

Friday, December 18, 2009 7:58 AM CST

Say it with me, people ... SNOW, SNOW, SNOW! You know how Miriam loved this season of cold and snow ... so we need COLD and we need SNOW!

I know it's been awhile since I've updated this page, but I'm trying to get to where I only update 3 or 4 times a year. In the meanwhile, if you want to know what I'm thinking, you can catch me on facebook.

Darian's first semester is over today! She has had a wonderful semester and is so happy with her teachers. It's Mr. Lang this and Mrs. Fitz that and Ms. Lehman this ... well, you get the picture. My knowledge has shrunk in direct proportion with the "likability" of her teachers. Honestly, that's not really true. She still shares her heart with me and thinks I'm pretty "with it." Those of you that know better, please don't spoil things for her. She has grown so much and continues to be more beautiful each day. Perhaps I say that because I'm her mother, but that's okay ... that doesn't demean the statement's value. She is such a missionary for God in school. She has had conversations and situations that I never dreamed of having in school. As she sees it, it makes her different than a lot of students (and that is very painful sometimes for a teenager) but she sticks to her guns. I keep telling her that her character and integrity once lost is not easily regained so stick ... stick ... stick to those guns!! She is a marvel and I'm so thankful for each day that God lets me love her.

Me, I found that perfect job I refered in my last journal entry. So, I've moved our company's finance work back home and now I work three days a week for a local foundation. It's quiet. It's pretty much my territory and it works around my schedule. I asked God for the perfect job and He was gracious. I'm still working on Him about that cure for cancer! Working (officially) has complicated my schedule greatly and taken away any free time I ever thought I had, but that's been good. I still pick Darian up from school and she doesn't even know I'm gone, so I like that part. I leave the 27th of this month for my fourth trip to India. God continues to move in my heart for my friends there and He changes me each time I go.

Vern ... working too hard, too much of the time! What's new?? I praise God that He has seen us through the economic ups (were there any ups?) and downs of this last year and am grateful for each day. Vern has certainly done his share to keep things moving forward. I was so blessed when God tossed him in my path. It's been almost twenty years and I only love and appreciate him more each day.

Please keep praying for us. Even though I don't post as often on this site, believe me, we know we are carried by your prayers. Being without Miriam NEVER gets easier. I keep waiting, but it doesn't happen. Quite frankly, it almost gets harder each day. Part of that, I think, is due to the fact I watch Darian struggle with not having her here and every day there is something new. Oh well, enough of that ...

We wish you a Merry Christmas as we celebrate the birth of the one true, living Christ.

We love you all.
God is good and God is faithful.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 9:08 PM CDT

Well, it was a busy summer and now the fun (dare I use that term??) of a busy school year has begun! Darian was more than a little relieved when marching band camp was over. She loves her oboe and English horn, but definitely enjoys her orchestra time more than her band time. I’m just thankful that her character is strong enough to hang in there … the question is, how long will she hang in with the band?? We just need Phil to abandon the middle school and move up a grade every time Darian moves up a grade … why does he seem to think that’s a problem? – ha!! Her school schedule is just what she wanted, or should I say just what she needs to stay on her desired track. Let’s see: German 2, Journalism, Honors English, Probability and Statistics, Honors Chemistry, Health, Symphonic Band and Symphonic Orchestra. I keep asking her “why are you goofing around and taking all of these easy classes??? When are you going to take your education seriously????” She is thoroughly enjoying her position as Media Manager of the school newspaper and we are proud that she was chosen to fill this position at her grade level. She takes it very seriously and stays in a constant state of excitement about the newspaper. In our house, it’s “Mr. Lang this and Mr. Lang that.”

Remember, this is our big year of birthdays. Miriam would have been 18 this past May. My best buddy, Jamie (Miriam’s personal lasagna chef) turned 50 and I had a party for her a few weeks ago. Vern turns 60 in a few weeks and Darian will be turning 16 in November … I know, can you believe it????? Yes, 16 is a big birthday, isn’t it? You’re asking yourself “did she get her car?” Of course she did. Vern found a wonderful 2001 bright yellow Bug, 6 CD changer, sunroof and all. The thing looks brand new and he made a great deal. The car suits her perfectly. The challenge has been teaching her to drive stick shift. She does absolutely great, except when she has to stop … she’s up to about 50/50 … half the time she takes off fine and half the time she kills the engine. I think she’s doing wonderfully and we are laughing and laughing while she’s learning. I did tell her that I was going to sue her for whiplash!! I am confident she’ll get the hang of it in no time. As with everything, she was full of joy driving home the night we got the car and, at the same time, fighting back tears because she said this is something she and Sissy should have shared together. That’s just the way it is … joy and sorrow occupying the same space harmoniously through the grace of God. She is planning on having a “Mystery Party” for her birthday and we are having fun beginning to plan the details. We’re going to have it at the office, which is a three story Victorian built in 1901 and I think she is making Vern be the butler and me be the maid … funny, but we thought we already were!!!! It should be a lot of fun.

Vern … well, do you ever get tired of me telling you he is working too hard? He’s a good man and I love him … you’re probably tired of reading that, as well. He hasn’t had much time for rest this summer because we’ve done a lot of traveling … Michigan for a family get-together; Tennessee to see his folks; and St. Louis because Zack was remarried on August 9th. We have a great new daughter-in-law and we got the blessing of keeping our grandkids for a week while they were on their honeymoon. They just went home Saturday. After we left them, the three of us went to New Harmony and hung out for a while. Darian found another house that she liked (remember, she has a history of ‘breaking’ into houses that are for sale … you have to have been with this webpage a long time to recall that story!) Lo and behold, we were looking in the windows of this house and suddenly she runs around from the back and said, “I did it … there’s a door … I can get us in!” If Darian fails as a journalist, she certainly has a career as a home invasionist!! Ah, back to Vern … working, riding his motorcycle, singing and enduring the endless assaults of humor and wit by his wife and daughter (and I’m not always sure that he sees it as humor and wit!)

Bible study has begun for the year and I’m so grateful! What a wonderful group of women God has placed in my life for the last nine years. I am so thankful for the love and support they show my man and especially my girls. I’m having a little surgery “thing” on Monday and Darian is spending the night with the lasagna chef. She usually ends up there several nights a year, for various reasons, and normally they watch the “High School Musical” movies. (Truly, my best buddy is 50, not 15!) but this time they’re watching “Twilight.” Perhaps you’re now getting a sense of why we’re best friends … she’s a little off her rocker too!! Between Bible study, working (and I again, use a term loosely,) and goofing around with the lasagna chef – my time is pretty much gone. I did decide that it was time for me to become reinvolved in PTO. I used to live at the girls’ school and then the hospital occupied my time, so now here I go again. I’m Vice-President of the Floyd Central PTO and it will be such fun. Several of my buddies are on the board, so pray for the school because I’m not sure they saw us coming!!!! Who needs free time anyway, right? I’ve been thinking of working part-time (at a real job) because I really do enjoy being with people, but so far I haven’t found the “perfect” part-time job … is there such a thing? I keep praying for someone to just knock on my door and say “do I have the job for you!!!!” I have always liked to be busy, but to be totally honest, keeping busy is much healthier for me than giving myself too much alone time to think. Better to have an occupied mind rather than an unoccupied mind (one of those times that you need to be kind with what you’re thinking!!)

Okay, now that I’ve bored you with the details of our lives … I’ll try to leave you alone for a few months. You probably had to have a cup of coffee just to get through this entry. Anyway, check out my last entry on ways that you can support the fight against children’s cancer (last paragraph) and our beautifully handsome Dr. Blue Eyes at the same time. Please continue to pray for the families whose lives are forever changed by children’s cancer and our wonderful nurses and doctors … especially Dr. Blue Eyes and Dr. Soni. Thanks for hanging in there with us. WE MISS MIRIAM. I’m not sure any words convey that adequately, but we remain faithfully believing that …

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009 1:00 AM CDT

If you don’t have time to read the whole post, please go to the end to read several ways you can donate to support the work of those trying to cure cancer!! Also, I've added a photo of Darian in the photo album.

Well, we survived another May! This past Sunday was graduation and it was a difficult day, even more so than I expected. We went to church and then took Darian and a friend to see “Night At The Museum II.” Truthfully, we just kept the day busy so that we didn’t think about the graduation ceremonies that we weren’t attending. I had wanted to go to see Miriam’s friends graduate, but Vern and Darian felt it would be too difficult, so, what does the Eswine family do in times of stress???? Of course you know what we do … we go to the movies! It did keep the day busy, but it didn’t distract us as much as we had hoped. Oh well, praise God for laughter and the promise of eternal life (and chocolate!)

Onward we go … or actually, let me backtrack a bit. On May 20th, we gave out Miriam’s scholarship. This year, we actually decided on two. One is going to a classmate of Miriam’s whom she deeply believed in, even though he had a bit of trouble conforming to the rules of life. He has turned out to be a wonderful young man, just as Miriam knew he would. The second, we decided to give to Miriam’s best friend Natalie (not quite nepotism, but close!) She isn’t going into music, but she was the only choice for us. I read a poem Miriam had written about her when they were in 8th grade. I had framed it and added a couple of pictures of them together … one before Miriam was diagnosed and one of their last Christmases together (I believe that Harry Potter and Orlando Bloom activities were involved … no surprise there!) Anyway, we have now made it through senior year. Someone told Darian that everyone wore blue ribbons for cancer, during graduation, but I haven’t heard anything about it as of yet.

Okay, now we go on …

As of this afternoon, Darian is officially a sophomore – assuming that she passed all of her finals (she loves it when I say that … over and over and over again!!) According to her, she had 942 finals, all written in a language not native to her and designed with the sole purpose of asking her what she hadn’t learned!!! Oh, I’m just kidding (but you chuckled when you thought back to your high school years, didn’t you??) She actually felt that most of them were just fine and even thought her Algebra II final was easier than she expected (trust me, that kind of scares me!) So, I’m assuming she’s a sophomore! She is going to take a few days off (because she wants to sleep until dinner time each day) and then she’ll begin her usual job of helping my dear friend, Michelle, with this, that and the other … or we could call them Andrew, Jacob, Audrey and Kyle! Speaking of that dear friend … Michelle, Darian and I have been taking a belly dance class at IUS. It ends tomorrow night, but we have laughed so hard and had so much fun. Truthfully, you would think the class would be a cinch … I mean, my belly dances whether I want it to or not … but no … this stuff is hard. It is a great workout and we have actually learned a great deal. We even have our own hip scarves, with coins attached, so that we make sounds when we dance (please, be careful what you’re thinking right about now!!!) It has been a blast! We’re going to try to recruit a group of our friends to take another class in the fall. I have to tell you a funny story … when Darian told a few of her friends at school that we were taking the class, they said “we can believe your mom would do that … but you??” Is this any indication of the reputation that I have … totally due to the fact that my daughter tells her friends everything that I do and say.

I cannot begin to explain to you how my mind works. Like the other day … here Darian and I were, driving to meet Vern at Derby Dinner, and there was this man (a hobo let’s say) sitting beside the road – backpack behind him – talking into a banana (like it was some kind of “Get Smart” agent phone or something.) I looked at Darian and I said “Darian, look at that guy … he’s talking on a banana.” She looked over and then looked back at me, asking me something about whether I thought he might be a little crazy or something (do you think??) So, I turned to her and I said, “You know, too bad I don’t have an apple or I’d call him back! Yes, these are the mysteries of my mind that she shares with everyone. We laughed so hard that I thought we were going to … well, never mind.

She, of course, has marching band this summer and we all know that school will begin before we even have time to blink. She was so pleased to day because one of her teachers was talking to her about how soon it will be for her to graduate. Darian indicated that she didn’t want to be out of school or leave home and this teacher (yes, he’s a great encourager and we love him) told her that she’d be out and the world would wonder “how did we ever get by without this girl?") She has a very self-deprecating way about her, so this was much needed encouragement of just how other people see her. God has great plans and she is willing to do as He leads … now there’s a combination.

Vern and I are not very exciting … other than belly dancing and talking fruit phones. He is working way too hard. Tomorrow (or I guess today) is our 19th anniversary. Boy, was I a very blessed woman the day I met him. You see, I told you God was good. We’ve spent anniversaries hiding out from bad storms, attending baseball games, other weddings, business dinners and dance recitals – but this anniversary we are taking it to a whole new level … we’re going to a funeral! You have to know by now that we, as a family, have an unusual way of celebrating – ha!! We’re hoping to do something more fun this weekend, but we’ll have to see which way the wind blows.

Well, I’ve written far too much and there really isn’t that much going on … so I suppose I should say I’m sorry I’ve kept you reading this long. We truly do value each of you who continue to check on us, pray for us and remember our dear Miriam. Oh, before I forget, I’m speaking at the Clark County Relay for Life on June 12th. If you’d like to buy a luminary, in memory of Miriam, you can do so by going through the www.relayforlife.org site, searching for the event in Clark County, Indiana 47130 and purchasing one at their site. You can also purchase one at the event at Floyd County (Highland Hills Middle School), but we won’t be at that one because it’s on the same date. Also, Dr. Blue Eyes (Pete Buecker) is riding in the “Ride to Conquer Cancer” for Kentucky. It’s 150 mile bike ride, so we can now call him cute and crazy! You can donate to his team by going to www.ridetovictory.org and clicking on Pete’s name. Also, our dear friend and wonderful pre-op nurse, Terese Sirles is riding and her ride is dedicated to and inspired by Miriam. You can donate to her by going to the same site and clicking on her name. WE WILL CONQUER CANCER. I BELIEVE!

Okay, now I’m really finished. Keep praying. Our God is mighty, strong, loving and good. He gets us up in the morning, keeps us moving one foot in front of the other, gives us hope and a future, loves us, carries us through and promises us an eternity with Him (and Miriam!)

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Friday, May 8, 2009 0:06 AM CDT

Happy heavenly birthday, MiMiRose.

It's hard to believe that our beautiful eldest baby girl would have been 18 today. We miss her so much. There aren't words to express anything that we feel, so I'll not try.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 1:45 PM CDT

Well, it seems it’s been a little while since I updated, so I guess I’d better fill you in … trust me, you haven’t missed too much!

As a family, this is always a hard time of year for us. We struggled in January, maybe even more than we had in the last couple of years. I don’t know why it was harder this year, but it was. We were thankful to see February begin! As Miriam’s 18th birthday approaches and what would have been her graduation day, we’ll probably struggle even more … so keep those prayers coming … you all have no idea how you lift us up and carry us through.

Darian continues to amaze me. Have I told you how much I love her?? I think perhaps I have – ha! She is plodding along through freshman year, although Algebra II is testing her metal. She finished driver’s ed and is now fully capable of wheeling around the universe. I even let her drive to her oboe lesson, the other day, all the way out off Breckenridge Lane. Yes, my prayer life is strong!! When we got there, she was shaking and her hands were sweating. Traffic was even pretty light, but apparently it didn’t seem that way to her. This week is spring break – yeah, yeah!! I can remember a time when spring break meant we’d spend all of our time together … notice; I said I can remember – because those times are no more! She is in St. Louis right now, with her brother and our grandkids having a ball. Zack has been sending me pictures, via cell phone, and they are great. Zack has a wonderful woman in his life and they all love her and so does Darian, so I think this is such a good time for her. I pick her up on Thursday and actually get to see her for a few hours (isn’t she generous with her time?) Friday morning at 8:00, she leaves with the Floyd County Philharmonic, for Cincinnati. They are staying at the Wolf Lodge and attending a couple of concerts. She is just busy, busy, but I’m thankful because she misses her sister and God has blessed her with such good friends. I may have said this before, but I’m so proud of her and I love her just a bit.

Now, you know if she is gone, I have a lot of free time on my hands, right? What is the definition of “free time” anyway? I’ve done a little bit of this and a little bit of that (more this than that!) Vern and I have been able to spend some time together. We’ve been eating out and we went to see Nicholas Cage’s new movie “Knowing,” because – well – it had Nicholas Cage in it and I’ve been a fan since “Valley Girls.” Does anyone remember that movie except me?? My trip to India was wonderful, naturally, and I always love spending time with my friends. God is so good as the people of India always bless me so much as I share their love of God and we all love each other. The Taj Mahal was incredible! This next year, we’re leaving after Christmas again and we’re looking at maybe visiting Egypt on the way to or from India. Who knows what we’ll do … but it will be an adventure! Other than that, it’s Bible Study, church and the usual. I’m committed to speak at the Clark County Relay for Life (or maybe I should just be committed!) but I don’t know what else God has in store for me. He tends to surprise me when I least expect it … I suppose that’s what makes it a surprise!

Vern is still working hard and long as I think almost everyone is in this economy right now. He remains the man who stirs my heart and makes me smile (okay, sometimes I smile because I’m laughing at something he’s done … but that counts,right?) Trust me, he and Darian get their fair share in on me … like the other day when I put my glasses on and still had my contacts in and I thought I was losing my vision … they were merciless!!! There was a great news story on WHAS11 regarding the Purity Ball at our church and it featured Vern and Darian. I don’t know how long it will be available online, but you can view the story at WHAS11.com.

That’s about it for us … just doing the day-to-day, trying to listen to God’s will for our lives and serve Him each day. We have a lot of big things coming up this year … Darian turns 16 and Vern turns 60. Can you believe it? I’m still trying to figure out how to properly celebrate such wonderful occasions … Darian seems to think Chuck E. Cheese is too young for her … I know, who knew??? Maybe I should try it for Vern! I have to be careful, because I turn fifty in a few more years and you know what they say about revenge! In June, we have a trip planned to Michigan for a special event for one of Vern’s nieces and I think we’re going to plan a few days extra for a little family trip. Darian is growing so quickly that we want to try to enjoy all the time we can with her … before she moves on to things more exciting than her parents!!

Please continue praying for us. We are constantly reminded of the goodness and faithfulness of God as He sees us through each day. We are so thankful that He has given us so many people to support us and love us. Know that we appreciate each of you and what you mean to our family. There will be a cure to children’s cancer and I pray to see it before I shut my eyes for the last time and join my Miriam in heaven.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 6:20 AM CST

I have to tell you, truthfully, that it is astounding to me that we are celebrating our third Christmas without Miriam. How can it be that I have not touched her, held her, heard her laugh, or smelled her in so long? I’ll waste no words in attempting to express things that cannot be expressed … it is difficult, yet God provides. I long for that “one more time” and yet I know one more time would never be enough so God is wise to keep her just where she is … happy and healthy in heaven with Him.

Darian has survived the first semester of her freshman year … and thrived while doing it. Sometimes it has been difficult because she sees Miriam’s friends every day and they are all celebrating their senior year, but there is a lot of joy in that, as well. Her classes are going well (with the exception of honors biology which has proven to be a speed bump in an otherwise speedy race through freshman year … but if that’s the most difficult thing that happens this year, we’ll take it!) She is incredibly busy and I cannot ever remember being as busy, during high school, as her. She is in band (of course) and then she attends the after-school practices of the symphonic orchestra so that she can play with them, as well. On Mondays, she has philharmonic orchestra … I think what she needs is a few more bands and orchestras!! On top of that, she still has her oboe lesson, volunteering, friends and plenty of homework to contend with … she truly needs to make better use of her free time – ha! To complicate matters further, she is beginning driver’s ed in January … I know, take warning now … stay off the roads – perhaps FOREVER! Oh, I’m just kidding, this summer we got in some good practice and I think she’ll be an excellent driver. You know it’s not her I’m worried about … it’s all the crazy people on the roads (and you know who you are!!!) Anyway, this Monday we are going to get her permit and she cannot wait to get behind the wheel, so you might truly consider staying indoors for the remainder of Christmas break.

She grows more beautiful each day (as a mother I think “how is this possible?” as she was born practically perfect in every way) and, more important, she shines with the fullness of her faith and the love of Jesus. There isn’t much more that I could ask for, is there? Her braces were removed a few weeks ago … talking about time flying by. She has been having dental work performed since she was two years old and had her first expander. I would have never believed that her smile would have been as beautiful as it is today … praise God for Dr. Fleck’s foresight and expertise so that she was ready for Dr. Mischler to do his thing. As she would say it, I’ve probably given you all TMI (too much information) but what is a mother for, if not to tell you how great her daughter is … so she’ll say “Moooooooommmmmm” (stretch that word out when you say it and make it sound more like a groan) but she’ll be smiling because she knows how proud I am of her and that I love her.

Now, on to Vern … I won’t say the usual “works too hard, etc.” (even if it’s true!!) Poor man, on top of the privilege of working so hard (ha!) God chose to give him a wife like me … I’m sure he was expecting something normal, but no, God gave him insanity in a smiling package (probably why I was able to fool him in the beginning!) He is a man of great patience and understanding as Darian has inherited my unerring wit (my words, not Vern’s) and Pollyanna attitude. You can see he is surrounded and probably endures far more than one man should … yet, he smiles, shakes his head and tries to keep up (or perhaps his head is shaking because it’s getting ready to explode … who can tell!) He’s still with his band (he too should really find something to do with all that free time!!!) and very active in serving in the church. Some friends of ours are leaving this week to become missionaries in Ghana so God willing (and the creek don’t rise!) he will be going there in August or September with a mission team from our church. With the economy the way it is (and with a teenager) he says “we’ll see if the money is there, whether I go or not.” I say, “you’ll go and the money will be there.” God has always provided a way for me to go to India and we’ve never sent out support letters, so I know that God will provide a way for him to go to Ghana. After all, you do not want to miss out on hearing about his adventures, right? There are people who need to hear about Jesus and they need to hear Vern’s story.

Me, I continue to be very boring. I’ll be leaving for India in February. I can’t believe that this is my third trip in as many years. We have a big team going this year and it will be amazing to see how God works, both in the hearts of the people with whom we come in contact and in our own hearts. It is hard to see my friends only once a year, but I am so grateful for even that opportunity, I can surely not complain. God is indeed good and faithful. Other than that, it’s Bible study and work for me. Vern would probably disagree with the work part as I am in the office few hours, but hey, it’s not like I don’t see the boss at home, as well!

Well, that’s about it for us … a general overview of what is happening … you can see we remain an exciting bunch!

I pray for you all to have a Merry Christmas, not in the things that hide beneath your tree in beautiful packages with bright bows, but in the things that matter … loving your children and showering them with hugs and kisses; curling up on the couch and watching a movie that makes you laugh and cry; holding your spouse’s hand because walking with him is so much better than anything you every imagined; being with friends who know you well; worshiping God as the one true God who sent His son to be born in a manger so that He could live as an example for us … eventually being crucified so that we can have everlasting life. This is the meaning of Christmas … this is the meaning of life.

Praise God for He is good and He is faithful.
We love you all.

Friday, September 12, 2008 10:59 AM CDT

Okay, for you faithful who thought I was never going to do another update, here goes …

It was an extremely busy summer … work, play, more work, more play … summer over!

Darian worked for my friend, Michelle, again this summer and had a blast. She loves their family and considers them hers. She had two weeks of band camp, before school began, from 8:30-5:00 each day. At first, we weren’t sure she was going to make it … after all, absent the green and khaki; it’s pretty much a military operation! However, as the two weeks progressed, she decided that she was having fun amidst the pain of it all!! She still has practice three days a week after school and her first band competition is tomorrow. Hopefully, the rain won’t wash them out of actually marching! She is now in her fourth week of freshman year and so far … so good. Each day brings about its own difficulties, just by the mere fact that Sissy’s friends are all around her and senior year is pretty much celebrated all year long. Having said that, she continues to be remarkable in her ability to move past what could consume us in sadness and embrace the joy God gives each day. She loves her classes and seems to like her teachers. Other than the fact that Phil Thomas didn’t move with us from the middle school, high school seems to be wonderful for her. Fortunately, Phil is an assistant director for the marching band … so even among her military exercises … she gets to see him most every day! She has grown into such a young lady as opposed to the little girl she was just a short while ago. She had her hair highlighted a few months before school (I know, where did she get her desire to change her hair color???). I told her that it was addicting, but she questioned that statement. Well, she had it highlighted again just a few weeks ago and, lo and behold, she doubled the amount of blonde in her hair … hmmm …. could a hair-color addicted mommy know what she was talking about after all??? In a few months, she gets her braces removed and then the little girl to young lady process will be pretty much complete. I taught her how to drive, over the summer (yes, I have completely lost my mind!) and she is counting down the days until she can take driver’s ed – which should begin in December. I can’t believe I’m even considering putting her behind the wheel of a car. This summer, she mowed the lawn for Vern and he said “just don’t hit my car – ha ha!!” … well, the first thing she did (and I mean the FIRST THING) was turn to head into the yard from the driveway and, having underestimated the amount of space she needed, HIT VERN’S CAR!! Only a small scratch, but we had a good laugh … so you can understand my trepidation about allowing her behind the wheel of a real car!!

Vern, as I repeatedly tell you, works too hard too much of the time. With the economy the way it is, small business owners have to double their efforts. I praise God that he is so diligent about doing what needs to be done and providing for us. He is participating in a men’s discipleship class that I pray will truly bless him and encourage him. Of course, he still sings at church and teaches classes. Every few months, we actually sing together and we haven’t done that in a long time. I love him dearly and I’m so thankful God gave him to me (remember our rule, what Vern doesn’t know … won’t hurt him … we don’t want to give him a big head or anything!)

Me … well, same old … same old (some days older than others –ha!) Community Bible Study began a few weeks ago and this year we’re studying Genesis. I’ve still been going into the office a few days a week, unless my buddy Jamie and I decide to goof around instead. I have a lot going on at church and there isn’t any other place I’d rather have a lot going on than church. My next trip to India is in February and I know it will be here before long. Darian wants to go back with me, but missing two weeks of freshman year (especially with her course load) would not be a good idea. Instead, I’ll leave her and Vern to party while I’m gone!!

Anyway, I think I’ve hit the highlights. None of what we do or say ever lessens the pain of not having Miriam here. Some days I think my heart will stop beating from the pain, but I know that God has a plan and part of that plan is all the love and joy that Vern and I derive from Darian. Not just from her, but all the opportunities that God puts in our lives so that we can serve Him and see His purpose fulfilled. We still have much to do and so many things to experience and each day I try to focus on His will for me (some days I succeed, some days I don’t.) We enjoy our lives and we laugh far more than we cry, but as I’ve said before, it takes effort where no effort used to be needed. We have an amazing church family and our friends are just as crazy as we are … so God continues to be merciful to us.

I believe, and always will, that …
God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008 12:08 AM CDT

Just wanted to write a brief update (okay, can I do anything “briefly?” … I knew what you were thinking!) I never like to leave the birthday entry on too long because it’s just sad and there’s no way around that fact.

We gave out the third annual Miriam Eswine Memorial Scholarship to Lauren Smith on May 12. God has truly been wonderful in that every recipient that Phil Thomas and Harold Yankey (Miriam’s band teachers) have chosen has had some type of link to our family (and Harold and Phil haven’t known.) This year’s recipient, Lauren, is a young lady we’ve known for years. She used to be in my children’s choirs, back in the days when I directed our church’s children’s choir. She is beautiful and has been so supportive of Darian because Lauren plays the oboe, as well. Vern has known her family even longer (thanks to coaching some sport or another!) They are a wonderful family and we’re so pleased that Lauren received Miriam’s scholarship.

Now, on to that little munchkin – Darian … what a busy spring she has had!! Between her course load at school, her scheduled activities and all of her volunteering – sometimes I feel like we all meet coming and going. Fortunately most of my activities are restricted to the day time, so I have my evenings to try to keep up with Darian and Vern (not an easy task, I assure you!) We just bought her a new professional oboe so that brings her much excitement (I keep telling her I hope she enjoys “driving” her oboe … wow!) They had freshman orientation a few weeks ago and it was hard on Darian. I know, most kids are excited about entering high school, but Darian’s freshman year would have been Miriam’s senior year and they had such visions of what that year would be like as they would both be in high school together. Miriam’s friends led the orientation, which was hard on her as well. I pray for next year to be a joy for her and for her embrace being a part of what Miriam would have experienced. She also hates leaving her teachers this year. SHE LOVES THEM (I love them!) This is what brings tears to her eyes, quicker than anything, but God always provides the joy when joy is needed. We all are praying up, right now, for next year, as we spend so many hours of marching band and school activities seeing Miriam’s friends and knowing she would be in the middle of the excitement of it all. Highland Hills is a hard school to leave behind because it was an incredible support to us and blessing to us, during Miriam’s illness and still today. Of course, we’ll go back and visit the people we love and Miriam’s memorial will forever be in the garden and we’ll go see that as well.

Darian has grown beyond belief. She becomes more of a young lady every day and constantly reminds me that she’ll be taking driver’s ed this year (now you see why we need your prayers more and more!!) This summer, she’s going to work as a mother’s helper for my friend, Michelle, again (who gave birth again and now has four for Darian to love.) She’s also going to go into the office with me some and earn some money filing and answering the phone. The rest of the time, I’m hoping we are able to just relax, enjoy the pool and see as many movies as we can see. I learn from her everyday and am so thankful for her.

Vern – you know what I’m going to say … he works too much, too hard. I praise God that he is so diligent to provide for our family and is such a good man. He hasn’t been able to ride his Harley much as the weather has not cooperated in our area … sunshine must be coming! He and I spoke at church a few weeks ago and, if you are bored stiff and have nothing better to do, you can take a look at nsider.org, click on podcasts, click on the service for April 26/27 and view the service. Remember, the camera adds 15 pounds and there were three cameras on me – ha ha!!!

Me, well I’m still doing the same old same old. I haven’t moved the furniture around on Vern lately (but it is time for spring cleaning!) I’ve still been speaking a couple of times a month, since right after Miriam died, but I promised Vern and Darian that I would take the summer off. I’m still working on the book, but I am not getting clear direction from God on what He would have me do … so we’ll see where that road leads. I only want to glorify Him and honor Miriam and my family.

Please continue your prays for us. Our grief is as fresh as it was the day Miriam died. That’s just how it is when your child dies … praise God that He is good and faithful and constantly provides joy for us. He has been so merciful in continuing to show us ways that our family’s experience is part of His plan. Unfortunately, knowing all of this doesn’t lessen the pain, it just gives us the strength to serve Him each day as He allows. It is our ongoing prayer that God be glorified.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Thursday, May 8, 2008 8:59 AM CDT

Happy birthday with Jesus, sweetie. We love you and we miss you. I would have liked to see your beautiful 17 year-old face, and so many other things, but God had different plans. I miss your smell, your touch and your goodnight.

For those of you still checking in on us, know that we continue to value being lifted up in prayer. The days do not get easier, God just allows us to adjust to each day that comes. We serve a loving and mighty God who, in His wisdom, created the heavens and the earth and our Miriam and Darian ... who can argue with those gifts?

God is good and God is faithful,
We love you all.

Saturday, March 15, 2008 6:42 AM CDT

Due to spammers picking up on some "key word" in my last journal entry and leaving filthy spam on Miriam's guestbook, I'm leaving this on for a day or two to see if the spamming stops. If you want to read about us, read the last journal entry.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Saturday, March 8, 2008 6:50 PM CST

Okay, we all know what happened today … right … lots and lots and lots of snow!! Each snowflake made us think of Miriam. Vern and Darian went out and threw snowballs at each other and then, instead of the traditional snowman (because why would we do anything traditional?) they built a polar bear – complete with sunglasses! I know, makes you realize that I’m not the only crazy one in this house, doesn’t it???? He looks fabulous!

Darian played her oboe at state contest and, after having a near nervous breakdown, received GOLD. Praise God for her wonderful band teacher, Phil Thomas, who is a human nerve pill. He loves her and calms her down. Peter Hogaboam , one of her conductors for the Floyd County Philharmonic, was her accompanist and he is pretty good on her nerves, as well. They both went in with her while she played as her dad and I are always banished to the hallway because we make her nervous! Vern usually puts his ear up to the door (you do what you’ve got to do!) while I lean against the wall and hold my breath until she comes out of the room.

The next week, she and I left for India. We had a great time and God blessed our trip greatly. It was so wonderful to be back with our friends Philip, Thomas, Thampi and the whole gang. They all loved Darian and she had a wonderful time with the people, especially the children. On the way to India, we spent a night in Rome and she and I went to the Trevi Fountain and threw our coins in and made our wishes. It was amazing to stand where the ancient Romans stood, knowing that gladiators had once fought on the ground around us. Darian had a romantic run-in with a gladiator which resulted in a priceless picture and left her blushing!!! God was good and allowed us to deepen our relationships with our friends and share our love of God.

Spring break is coming up soon – yeah! Darian is going to St. Louis for a few days to stay with family and Vern and I are determined to find a romantic spot to hide away from the world. Darian finished registering for high school and catching up from her missed work from our trip, so she’s looking forward to some rest and relaxation. My man always works too hard so he deserves a couple of days with the computer or the cell phone. It is nice however, now that I’ve moved my office back into our office building, because he and I get to see each other a couple of more days a week. (Yes, we still really like to see each other all the time … most of the time … I do have to allow for those PMS days!!)

Please continue praying for us. I am speaking several times in the next few weeks and always need to be prayed up beforehand. Darian is speaking at the Pediatric Nurse Oncology Symposium on the 29th, so please keep her in your prayers. We are so proud of her and we watch in joy as God uses her each day. We serve a mighty God who lifts us up, carries us through, and has a place for us where we will be reunited with Miriam. He is our Father, our peace, our comfort, the source of our strength and joy and as always,

God is good and Faithful.
We love you all.

Monday, January 28, 2008 6:53 AM CST

Thank you to our continued prayer supporters. You all have been such an important part of our lives and continue to be by lifting us up in prayer.

I cannot help but feel anything but bittersweet today. Vern left for work and I took Darian to school ... we all three feel it especially hard today, but what can you do? We can continue to trust our Lord and Savior and put one foot in front of another. It seems we miss Miriam more each day and often, the pain is as fresh as it has ever been. You might think that it truly would get easier with time, but it doesn't; however (and it's a big however) God continues to be good and faithful.

So, there is the bitter to life and there is the sweet ... the memories, the love, the parts of life that we carry only in our hearts - forever. The beautiful knowing of what was for a brief 14 years and the surprises of what God has in store for the future. The joy of the magnificent package that is Darian ... she is amazing!

Darian went to contest this weekend, with her oboe, and received a gold ... so she gets to go to state and we are all very excited. We celebrated by watching "The Game Plan" with The Rock. Of course the movie received terrible reviews when it came out which (of course) meant that we loved it! We laughed our heads off and, come on, it was two hours of watching The Rock and he is such a pretty boy! She registers for high school on Thursday and then we leave soon for India. She and I are looking so forward to having such a special opportunity together. I praise God for calling us to go and I am so grateful to Vern for "funding" our adventure - ha! I think he has enough planned to keep himself busy while we're gone (that or I'll be reading about him in the papers when we get back!)

Well, I think you'll naturally forgive me if I keep this entry brief. This day, and Miriam's birthday on May 8th, are two days that the three of us have decided we're allowed to feel the presence of the sadness.

We give God the glory for continuing to show us that life is good and that He has plans for us. Our lives have changed, yet we smile, we laugh, we love, we enjoy each day under the umbrella of God's love ... we just do it without Miriam and therein lies the paradox. We miss her.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007 11:03 AM CST

Wow, it's hard to believe that I've kept you all in suspense since July - ha!

Let's see if I can stun and amaze you in one page or less ...

Darian has had a great school year. Where her IQ comes from, I do not know ... but praise God! She loves her classes and her teachers, but won't allow us to speak about the end of the school year because she will be leaving Highland Hills and moving on to Floyd Central. She has already begun the registration process for high school (I know, can you believe it??) She's picked out her classes: Honors Biology, Honors English, Algebra II, Band, French, Journalism and her favorite class PE - NOT! She officially registers in January, but again - we are not allowed to speak of such things. She already becomes teary when she thinks of leaving HHMS and her teachers. This year, she auditioned for the Floyd County Philharmonic Orchestra and was thrilled when she was awarded first chair (over two high schoolers - yeah!) The orchestra had its first concert a couple of weeks ago and she had two oboe solos and played them beautifully (this could be where my mother's pride comes in!) Darian is also continuing with all the usual - dance, oboe lessons, volunteering at Friday dance classes, Youth for Christ and (drum roll if you please) she and I are volunteering together on Wednesday nights with the Two's and under (I know, I obviously have no desire to be sane at all!!) We are having lots of fun and managing to corrupt a few children along the way (in a godly way, of course!) Her sense of humor is so like mine (I know, you can begin praying extra prayers for my dear husband right now!) and she has such a joyful attitude.

My friends, Philip and Thomas, spent five weeks this fall in America (their first time, can you imagine??) Darian and Vern loved getting to know them. We traveled some with them and they were able to stay with us some, as well. She is even more excited now about our upcoming trip to India. This year, we're spending a night in Rome and coming back through London (although we'll never actually leave the London airport, we are going to have some fish & chips and say we've been to London! Please pray for us to both be led by God in our sharing. Darian will be doing some short talks and playing her oboe. After sharing about God's love and joy last year, this year Philip ask me to share about marital relationships and love (wonder why??) We'll take all extra prayers during the first two weeks of February.

Vern ... well, I always say he works too hard, too much ... but then most men do. He continues to bless me with the steadfastness of his love and I praise God that romance can still be alive and well after nearly 18 years of marriage. He's with a new band "Second Chance" and they sound great. Maybe we'll just sell our marketing business and he can just go on the road full time. After all, Mick Jagger does it and he's about 852 years old! I love him (it's not like I've never said that before) and he loves me ... the kind of love that wakes you up in the morning and brings you home in the evening. In other words, I think we might keep each other another 20 or 30 years! God has been so good.

Me, well Community Bible Study is going well. This year, we're doing Luke and I've been able to lecture more which has been good for me. I'm still working on the book about Miriam, but I've been sidetracked by a different project that God laid on my heart. My goal is to begin focusing more on my book, after I get back from India, and perhaps have it to a publisher by late spring (if anyone even desires to publish it.) If not, Vern and I will decide what to do. If and when the book is published, 100 percent of the proceeds (see the optimism I have) will go towards children's cancer research. My work for the company (makes me sound like a mobster!) is still something I do at home, but I'm considering moving back into my office in our office building. It's an ongoing prayer for me to decide what to do at this point. Other than that, I continue to work with Darian to drive Vern crazy and my best-buddy Jamie and I are constantly thinking of ways to take over the world and declare ourselves "Queens" (I do so like being called Queen!)

Now to what you probably really want to know. This holiday season has been so difficult. Truly, each day is difficult, but God is so amazing. Someone said to me the other day, "you all are always so happy - you must be healing well and things are getting easier." I said, "things never get easier, God just allows you to adjust as each day goes by and He gives us joy." It will never be easy to walk by Miriam's pictures; to see her friends driving and working; to wonder what she'd look like now; to not smell her, touch her, or hear her call me mommy. How can those things ever become easy? But, we worship a mighty God who sees the big picture in life and I praise Him that He and He alone knows the value of each of us and our service to Him on a daily basis. We keep our focus on God and He sustains us and gives us purpose and joy.

We wish each of you a Merry Christmas, not just in the family time and the gifts and music of the holidays ... but because Jesus is the truth in all we do ... a baby was born and through Him comes our salvation. This is the truth that Miriam knew and allows her to sit with Jesus and this is the truth that will reunite our family one day ... this is the eternal joy that God gives. Praise God.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Saturday, July 21, 2007 10:01 PM CDT

Do you wonder how our vacation went??? Are you sitting at home, day after day, wishing that you knew??? Sure you are … well, I’ll get to that.

First things first (ah, my eloquence strikes again!) We went to see the third “Pirates” movie. It took us a couple of weeks to build up the courage to see the last one and I think it took us a little less time for this installment. It is just so hard to watch our beautiful Orlando and not wish Miriam was sitting beside us (or wish Orlando was sitting beside Miriam … which could be quite a shock for Orlando at this moment.) We enjoyed it and I think Miriam would have approved … well, she would have thought Orlando should have been kissing her, but other than that – complete approval. Today was the release of Miriam’s other favorite – Harry Potter. I had preordered our book so it arrived around lunchtime and Darian and I did what any self-respecting mother and sister would do … we skipped to the final chapter to see what Miriam would think … again – she would have completely approved. Now, in keeping with one of the many promises Miriam “extorted” from me, Darian and I will read the book out loud (which could take awhile) so Miriam can hear. Now, trust me, I know the logistics … she’s in heaven with our Savior, most likely fully aware of every single word of the book already … but a promise is a promise and trust me, compared to some of the things I promised – this one is a piece of cake (or should I say “muggle” pie!) So read it we will!!! Tomorrow we are going to see the newest Harry Potter movie at Stoneybrook IMAX. We’ve become pretty spoiled to viewing all of our favorite action films on IMAX.

Now to vacation … We enjoyed the shows in Las Vegas. Darian thought Celine was wonderful and she did put on a really fantastic show. We also saw a Cirque du Soliel show at the MGM Grand (where we stayed) and, quite frankly, Darian had a hard time deciding which show she liked the best. The Cirque show was completely mesmerizing. She did end up going with her gal Celine (although she wavered back and forth.) Darian met another future husband in Las Vegas (at this point she’s going to have to get married about 13 times to cover all of the men she’s picked out to marry.) This one’s name is Paulo and he is from Italy. He works at the Venetian and took us around on a gondola, all the while singing to us in a beautiful voice. Darian was immediately taken. Vern and I thought it greatly amusing (although I did have to think back to all of my teenage crushes and smile.) Paulo had a good twenty years on Darian, but that didn’t seem to bother her a bit. She decided she’d have to marry him as one of her first few husbands, as she puts them in order according to age so when the older ones keel over, she can move on to a younger one. (We are praying fervently that she figures out that this is not the best marriage plan – ha ha!!!) We laugh a lot about all of her future “husbands.” While we were in Las Vegas, it was a scorching 107-111 degrees. (Please keep in mind that I think summer begins at any temperature above 40 degrees … so do you think I was hot????) I kept telling Vern and I could feel skin melting off of me. Unfortunately, no proof of that phenomenon could be found (too bad for my hips!)

After leaving Las Vegas (there’s a Nicholas Cage movie title in there, notice?) we moved on to the Grand Canyon. We spent most of our time at the Eastern part of the Canyon. It was incredible. I can’t describe it to you other than to say that there are moments in life that God’s magnificent creation is so completely evident and standing at the Grand Canyon is one of those moments. Since I can’t describe it, I’ll move on. We spent our last couple of days in Sedona at a resort. It was wonderful and totally private. We walked around for a few hours, but we mostly just relaxed. Then we came home … enough said.

It has been a very busy summer. Oh, before I forget … I want to tell you one of God’s little “things.” My last entry told you all who received Miriam’s scholarship this year. Well, I didn’t realize it at the time, but Daniel is the brother of a friend of Miriam’s – Elaine Elliott. I had not made the association until Daniel’s mom sent me a very nice note and explained. The Elliott family also donated $100 back to Miriam’s scholarship fund. Now do you see why I called it a God “thing?”

Darian has been having a ball working as a mother’s helper and she’s been putting a healthy sum of money in her savings account. She and I have fit in some fun, as well. Last week we went to see “Transformers.” We had the theatre to ourselves and it brought back a lot of memories for me … sitting in a theatre with one of my girls … watching a movie. We loved the film. I have to admit that I am a big Shia Labouf fan. He has a great sense of comedic timing and we all know that I’m a bit into the comedy of life. We’ve also been to see “Nancy Drew” and we thought it was pretty funny. We saw that one without Vern, as he didn’t deem it necessary to sit and watch Nancy on screen for a couple of hours??? We figure we’ll take him back to see “Transformers” because it’s manly enough for him and he’ll love it.

Vern continues to work too hard too often … but isn’t that one of the reasons we all love him (well, I truly don’t know about you all, but it’s one of the reasons I love him … you can decide for yourselves!) He’s in a new band and this one is Christian based so he’s playing his horn again which is a good thing. He has been able to enjoy his Harley a lot this summer and that has been really great. Although he did get caught in a very healthy storm the other day and truth be told, being the diehard motorcycle man that he is, I think he thought getting caught in the storm was pretty fun too!!! (Go figure …)

Me, well, it’s pretty much the same … trying not to lose my mind (please be kind when you think of all the sarcastic responses you can give to that one!)

We have had a good summer and yet each day remains difficult. Vern and I have been having a bit of a “spell” lately because all of Miriam’s friends are driving and so many of them are working at places around town. Everywhere we go … there they are. We are so happy when we see one of them, but we are so sad. I won’t try to explain … it’s kind of like the Grand Canyon thing … just a moment you have to know it’s all God – all the time.

We’re still looking forward to my friends coming over from India and Darian and I continue to be excited about our trip in February. School registration is soon, but Darian already knows her schedule and her teachers. She has the same 8th grade teachers as Miriam did, which means she is a very happy girl. Of course, she’ll have her wonderful Mr. Thomas again and she gets to have Finace Smith for Science (one of Miriam’s dearest). Both men were pall bearers at Miriam’s funeral and she loved them. She is looking forward to the beginning of school but she is not looking forward to the end of summer (it’s called not being able to have your cake and eat it too … although wouldn’t it be great if you could!)

Well, I’ve done it again … I’ve rambled on and on. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers for our family. Know that we remain believing that God is in control and that He is good and faithful. We miss our Miriam and words can’t express anything close to what we feel, but God always provides such good things. We love watching Darian grow and laugh (and plan the future with her 13 husbands!!) Vern and I continue to be thankful that God allowed us to fall in love and (praise God) allows us to be in love every day (with the exception of a PMS day here and there … ) So, with our sadness comes great joy each new day … so you can see …

God remains Good and Faithful.
We love you all.

Monday, May 21, 2007 12:31 AM CDT

Well, I didn’t want to let the sadness of Miriam’s birthday stay on your minds too long …

First, I’ll update you about a few “Miriam” things. On the 16th of May, Highland Hills Middle School had a dedication for Miriam’s memorial that sits in the garden. It turned out beautifully and it is one of two memorials we allowed to bear her image. We used her 7th grade picture and it is etched onto the memorial and then I wrote a brief (which isn’t easy to do) paragraph about her – as a student, as a daughter, as a Christian. Anyway, the dedication was lovely. The concert band played, directed – of course – by Miriam’s favorite Phil Thomas. He even found a rendition of “Amazing Grace” (which was Miriam’s favorite and Phil played it, on the trumpet, at her funeral) and the band was able to play that, as well. Darian made it through playing everything … I was so proud of her! I spoke for a few minutes and the principal, Steve Griffin, spoke a few minutes (you may remember him as cutie p’tootie – as Miriam affectionately referred to him, also he was one of her pallbearers.) He was so kind with his words. Many of Miriam’s past teachers were able to come. I think that everyone who was able to attend was touched by the ceremony and we were so glad to share it with so many people. Darian’s oboe teacher even came to support her. Thanks Trevor! That evening, we went to Senior Night at Floyd Central High School and awarded the Second Annual Miriam Eswine Memorial Scholarship, in the amount of $1000.00 to Daniel Elliot. Congratulations Daniel!

Enough official stuff, don’t you think???

School is almost at an end here. Darian is very excited because it ends this Thursday and she is actually only attending half a day. We are leaving at noon to drive to St. Louis to see our grandson graduate from sixth grade. He is playing the drums, at his graduation, and we are hoping he really “rocks out” and wows us! Next week, we hope to finish redecorating Darian’s room. We’re down to stripping wallpaper (my personal fav – NOT!) and painting. We have furniture. We have colors. We have bedding. We have excitement. We have ideas. What we don’t have is enough time to finish it right now (but in the next two weeks … we are going to be finished – I keep telling myself that!!) Darian is also going to spend 8-10 hours a week, this summer, being a mother’s helper to a good friend of mine who has three small children. She loves children and she’ll make a little summer money, so it’s a win/win for her. In mid-June, we’re flying to Las Vegas so that Darian can see Celine Dion (it was a surprise for several months, but I finally couldn’t keep the secret any longer!). We’re seeing another show while we’re there, and then we’re off to the Grand Canyon for a few days and then Sedona for a few days. Vern’s only vacation requirement – “beautiful sunrises and morning coffee.” (Is he a man who is easy to please, or what??) We’ve been paying as we’ve planned, so fortunately, the financial end will pretty much be taken care of before we go. I like those kinds of vacations! We have never been out that way, as a family, so we are looking forward to sharing new memories and not trying to relive old ones.

I am so excited because Darian has decided to go with me to India on this next trip, which is scheduled for February of 2008. She loves hearing about my adventures from this past trip and seeing the pictures. This past Christmas, we spent two days in Paris (which Darian was very sorry to miss), but this next trip, we are traveling through Rome (so she and I have decided we MUST go to the Trevi Fountain and toss coins over our shoulders.) I think you’re supposed to wish for the love of your life, but since I’ve had mine for 17 years, I’m going to put my wishes toward a wonderful (long in the future) husband for Darian. Also, two of my very good Indian friends, Thomas and Philip, are coming to America this October and November so Darian will get to know them very well before she goes over there. She and Philip have been emailing each other so that helps. Vern and I are planning on going with the minister in charge of the mission trips to India, and his wife, to New York in October to meet Thomas and Philip when they fly in. We are going to spend a “quick” day or two showing them around New York before they come to Southern Indiana for the bulk of their five week stay. I think Darian is as nervous, as she is excited, but I can’t help but smile when I think of the wonderful times we will share together. I think the trip will become real to her when she holds her passport and her Indian Visa in her hands. We’d still like Vern to go, as well, but for him to leave the business at that time of year, it is unlikely. We’re still praying.

Community Bible Study is out, for the summer, although the Servant’s Team still has a lot to do so we will be very busy. We are studying The Book of Luke, this next year, and we are very excited. I’m also renewing my substitute teaching license in case I decide to teach a little at the girls’ old elementary school (after all, traveling to India is not an inexpensive adventure, whether you are doing it for the Lord or not!)

Other than that, we’ve been spending a lot of time catching up on things around the house … staining decks, painting porches, replacing windows, cleaning closets, redecorating Darian’s bedroom (you get the idea!) I have to admit that from Miriam’s diagnosis in 2003, until now, the house has pretty much functioned as is (and it had begun to show.) Last summer, we just didn’t feel like doing much, but this summer we have no choice. Feel like it or not, these things must be done. We add in butterflies, whenever we can, because Miriam loved butterflies. We keep them on her grave at all times. We have them in almost every room of our house and we buy almost anything with a butterfly on it. I suppose one day, instead of being known as the “cat lady,” I’ll simply be known as the “old butterfly lady.” I can think of worse things to be called and each butterfly reminds us of our beautiful Miriam.

I have been working on the book some. I have a beautiful title (supplied by Vern, but he doesn’t know it yet.) I work on it as I can, emotionally and time-wise. I plan on devoting time to it, this summer, and having it finished before things heat up again in August. Of course, the bulk remains the writings on this web page, but I have added other things that I feel are relevant to our story. I pray and God provides (no surprise there!) I don’t know what God will lead me to do with it, when it’s finished, but each word I read or type brings back memories of moments after moments of my time with Miriam.

Oh well, you’ve probably aged a year just reading through this entry. I had not intended to ramble on and on (but does my rambling really surprise you … after all, it is a pattern of mine!) God continues to work with us, for us, through us and in us – each day – as we maneuver through life without Miriam. Sometimes we cry, sometimes we laugh, sometimes we just wonder … but at all times we know she is with God and we will see her again one day. We lean on Him as our sustainer. We pray to Him as our Father. We trust in Him as the one true God who knows His plan for our lives. We are thankful for His love for us and we are thankful for the love He has given us for each other. We are also so grateful for God giving us each of you who continue to check on us and pray for us. I check Miriam’s webpage daily, and am encouraged each time I see the numbers and know that people are still remembering and still praying. Thank you.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007 5:50 AM CDT

Happy Birthday my precious baby!

How I wish I was giving Miriam a car today, on her sweet sixteen, instead of taking 16 yellow roses to her grave. I am so glad that we serve a big God who knows the plans He has for us, because this is hard and we miss Miriam so much. I praise God for continuing to give us what we need each day and showing us - every day in many ways - that ...

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Saturday, January 27, 2007 8:00 AM CST

IT COULD BE ...

It could be a deeply sad day
If I focused on the grief
God, however, offers joy and comfort
Bringing sweet relief

It could be that my mother’s heart longs
For curly hair, green eyes and girlish laughter
But life on earth is just a “blip”
Eternity’s what I’m after.

It could be that today I choose to praise my God
He gives me daily measure
He listens to my tears and laughter
In both I find a treasure.

It could be that He lifts me up and guides my ways
I hold tightly to His hand
His Fatherly love surrounds me
In this strange and sinful land.

It could be that I am blessed each day I live
As Darian blossoms into the woman she is to be
Only a good and faithful God
Would give that gift to me.

It could be that Vern, Darian and I miss Miriam
Our family is incomplete
But comfort lies in peaceful visions
Of Miriam sitting at our Savior’s feet.

It could be.

It will be one year ago tomorrow since Miriam went to be with Jesus. In most ways, it seems as if only seconds have passed; yet, in other ways, eternities have come and gone. We love her. We miss her. She is with us every moment of every day and we treasure those memories. God is continuing to use Miriam's story, our story, to touch people.

Thank you all for checking on us. Please continue to lift our family up in your prayers. As always, please keep Dr. Blue Eyes and Dr. Soni in your prayers, as well, as they strive to make a difference.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 4:30 PM CST

We just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. We are so thankful to have an opportunity to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior.

It goes without saying (and yet – I say it) that this Christmas will be bittersweet – as is each and every day. The days are very, very hard but God is very, very good. We have snowflakes hanging here and there and everywhere … wonder why??

I’m leaving Christmas day to take over the country of India (not really … just going to shake things up a bit!) Please keep our 7-member mission team in your prayers. Vern and Darian have much revelry planned and will probably not miss me at all. Please pray for us … that God would continue to give each of us what we need to get through – not just get through, but enjoy and serve Him – each and every day. We miss Miriam and we miss the innocence our lives used to have. God has granted us a clearer focus, however, and a greater intensity to each moment … and praise God for JOY!

Please keep us in your prayers. Please continue to pray for Dr. Blue Eyes (his second daughter arrived just fine and in time for Christmas – and she’s beautiful) and keep Dr. Soni in your prayers.

Merry Christmas – Jesus is Lord!

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Thursday, November 23, 2006 7:19 AM CST

We wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. Even in the midst of our sorrow, God has given us so many things for which we are grateful ... the ability to have deep God-given joy to temper our grief, the treasure of our little family loving each other, the gift of friends who share our lives, opportunities to share our story - Miriam's story - and impact the lives of others, the knowledge that Miriam is finally happy and whole (and still waiting on Orlando Bloom!), and most important ... His son Jesus Christ our Savior. My list could go on and on, but I want to spend time with the man that I love (hush, don't tell Vern - ha!) and my little Boo girl - so I'll leave you to spend time with yours.

I never fail to give Him thanks for each and every one of you who continues to check on our family and pray for us. Praise God for such mighty prayer partners.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 11:47 AM CST

Happy Birthday - tomorrow, November 1, to my little one who isn't so little anymore. Thirteen years ago, tomorrow morning, Vern and I were blessed with one of the most beautiful babies (tied only for first place with her sister, for beauty.) She was soft. She was tiny. She was (and still is!) perfect. She brought joy into our lives that day, just as she continues to bring on a daily basis. Her big sister held her, loved her, taught her how to read, laughed with her, fought with her, and celebrated each day that they had together. Miriam even began making a pig pillow for Darian, knowing that she wouldn't be here to celebrate this birthday with her. We weren't able to finish that project, but thankfully one of Miriam's fine teachers finished the pillow for me so that Darian will have it tomorrow. How like Miriam to plan ahead. Now, as we celebrate - full of joy - with Darian her special 13th birthday, we know that God is watching over us and maybe giving Miriam an extra special dose of Heavenly joy on this day, as well. Our little family of three keeps plugging along, with God's help (and amazing friends), always missing our fourth - but knowing that she is safe, secure, and in the place where we will one day be reunited. Our grief and sorrow are prayerfully in God's hands and His hands are mighty (Praise God!!)

All of our prayer requests are ongoing, but for November 1, please just pray for Darian to have an incredibly wonderful birthday and to enjoy all of her surprises (that she keeps bugging me and bugging me about!!!!)

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Thursday, September 7, 2006 8:39 PM CDT

Lo and behold I thought I might update the journal. Before I begin my humorous “Tales of the Eswine’s,” understand this – Miriam has been dead for nearly 8 months. We continue to live in pain, sorrow and with holes in our hearts that will remain holes until her presence fills them up again. Each moment we must make a conscious choice to overcome our grief and live our lives as God intends for us to do. Understand this even more, however – GOD IS GOOD AND GOD IS FAITHFUL and He has met us at our needs since Miriam’s death. We ARE LIVING, we ARE LOVING, and we ARE LAUGHING and we are continuing to live knowing that we are here to serve God’s purpose. Praise God for strength, mercy, grace, love and endless supplies of humor from the strangest places (although my friends and Vern continue to be very good sources of material for me!!!)

Now, on we go …

Before I forget - congratulations to Jennifer Spainhour who was awarded the first "Miriam Eswine Memorial Scholarship." We received nearly $12,000 in donations. We invested $11,000 in an effort to make the fund self-sustaining in years to come. This year we took $500 out of the fund (outside of the $11,000 we invested), added $500 to it and gave the first $1000 to Jennifer. For now, we've left the original account open at PNC, with a small balance.

First up - my little one who continues to humble me with her strength, her dignity, her grace, and her ability to embrace each and every day through the Lord. She had a GREAT time at Derby Dinner this summer. She is looking forward to school plays and auditioning (I know, looking forward to auditioning – is she crazy???) You know the girls have always loved school and this year is no exception. I told one of my friends, the other day, that I probably have the only child in the world that I have to make stop doing homework and projects so that she can relax a little before bed … where does this come from???? What can I say – it’s not just me who’s crazy around here!!!!! Okay, here’s the big news of the day (drum roll please!) Darian was placed in 8th grade concert band this year. She is one of two 7th graders who were placed in the band, along with eighty 8th graders. So, what’s the big news you ask??? She got FIRST CHAIR. She was so excited. If you don’t play a musical instrument, just think of the joy that comes from eating a double dip hot fudge sundae and you’ll be able to understand her excitement (oh, wait a minute, maybe that’s just me!) Anyway, Vern took us to dinner to celebrate her achievement. Truth be told, she practices faithfully, abides by her private teacher’s rules (he plays in the Louisville Orchestra) and LOVES her band teacher (Miriam’s band teacher and one of her pall bearers.) We all love Phil Thomas. She also got her school pictures back today and she’s beautiful (perhaps I am not the most objective opinion to be had.) She had her hair cut short, this summer, and the short hair and the smile just make Darian – Darian.

Now … on to Vern. We continue to allow him to work each day so that he can provide for us! (I know, we are too, too kind!) He is such a good man and truly strives, each day, to follow God’s will. Back in the spring, he bought himself a Harley (see, we do allow him to spend some of the money he makes!) After all of the expenses of the last two years, it was probably not the best time for the purchase – but if we learned anything at all – it was to not wait for “the perfect time” to come. Besides, borrowing a little money never hurt anybody (especially if it was to buy a Harley!!) I must admit that he cuts a fine figure – sitting on that Sportster, in his leather jacket, with his pierced earring (oh … you know I’m just kidding about the earring!!) Yes, in answer to the most obvious question – he does wear a helmet (and he drives only in dry, day time weather.) Darian has her own helmet and enjoys the occasional casual ride herself. He’s got a nice fall lined up with PromiseKeepers, the men’s retreat, teaching, and praising on the worship team at church. He is such a wonderful dad and I do kind of favor him as a husband, you know! He and Darian can get themselves into a videogame trance and only offers of ice cream and/or brownies (and they prefer the “and” and not the “or”) can bring them back to earth!!!

Me … well, let me tell you that I’ve not been overly successful with the lettuce and the treadmill. Praise God that it’s my wonderful husband’s theory that my plus-sized body (although we prefer the word “zaftig”) is necessary to house my plus-sized heart. Anyone out there still have to wonder why this man is so precious to me?? I’m continuing in my role as Associate Teaching Director of Community Bible Study. I can’t say enough about CBS and the incredible ladies involved in the study. I also have a rough draft of my book finished. So much of it is this webpage, along with some of the other writing I did during Miriam’s illness and then some chapters I added about life in general. Anyway it’s a work in progress, but I feel good about where it stands right now.

Miriam and I had discussed going to India this Christmas, on a mission trip (due in large part to our love for dear Dr. Soni.) Well, I still feel that God is leading me to go … so late on the afternoon of Christmas, I’m off for India. I’m not quite sure of everything that we’ll be doing (there are 7 of us going) but I do know that I’ll be speaking at women’s conferences throughout the state of Kerala. We’ll be using interpreters (do you not feel sorry for the person who has to try to figure out what I’m saying!!!!) I have been studying Hindi – some so I can watch my beloved Bollywood films without the subtitles and partially so I can communicate (to some small degree) with the beautiful people of India. The minister that is the team leader, for the trip, is one of my “verbal” sparring buddies (and Miriam loved to give him grief) so we keep kidding each other that one of us isn’t coming back!!!!!

Please pray for traveling safety, resistance to illness, and for my love for the people of India to be evident to them as I share with them. Also pray for Darian and Vern to not burn down the house while I’m gone. They have some BIG plans, including spending New Year’s Eve at the Galt House. Who knows what trouble they’ll get into having fourteen unsupervised days to themselves??? I just hope that I’m not reading about them, in the newspapers, when I return (or, worse yet, bailing them out of jail!!)

Please pray for our continued healing. We fully realize that total healing will not take place until we are reunited with Miriam, but we know that God has much to do through us, in the meanwhile. Please pray for Dr. Blue Eyes (he and his wife are expecting daughter #2 this Christmas); our beloved Dr. Soni (who gracefully continues to endure having a crazy woman as a friend); my beautiful nurse friends who try to provide me with one night of craziness a month (and they’re pretty good at it!!) and Brooke’s mom, Stephanie, who has become such a dear friend through the parallels in our lives and for continued healing for their entire family, as well.

As always, we firmly believe … God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Sunday, May 7, 2006 5:09 PM CDT

A Birthday Prayer for Mimi Rose
May 8, 1991 – January 28, 2006

Good morning, my sweet baby girl.
I wish you birthday love and a joy-filled smile
God meets your every need, I know
But I’d love to hold you for awhile.

I miss the way you’d sigh “oh, mommy”
Or shout “I love you” from your room
I’m so grateful for the time we had
It ended all too soon.

You must know you’re with me all the time
As I go through the moments of my day
Anytime I laugh, cry … or merely breathe
Love, sing, or in silence as I pray.

There are blessed moments where I’m almost sure
I hear your voice whisper in my ear
Or I feel a touch so sweetly soft
I can dream that you are near.

My memories recall the way you danced across the floor
Angelic music from your flute lulls me as I rest
Joy you felt each day of school
Always giving God your best.

Driving down the road belting out “Reba” or a Hindi tune
I remember your smile, your laugh, your cries.
Each dream you had of growing old in love and life
Loving your Dr. Soni and “watching” Dr. Blue Eyes.

Our porch swing hasn’t been the same
Swinging hours as you read
I could go on with memories sweet
Never enough would be said.

I feel so humbled and so blessed
That God shared you with me
Grateful, with a mother’s love
He chose to set you free.

A birthday prayer I offer up for you
For God to hold you and keep you in His care
That He would nestle you in His loving arms
Until one day your mommy’s there.

That He would give daddy, me and Darian strength and purpose
Endurance as we live and strive to do His will
In His grace and mercy, bring us each home to Him and you one day
We’ll miss you though … until.

At 9:08 a.m., fifteen years ago on May 8th, 1991 – after 33 ½ hours of labor and emergency c-section – Miriam made it into the world with skin the color of peaches, beautiful green eyes, and a smile that changed our lives forever. She fought to come into our lives and she fought to stay in our lives, but I praise God that He knew – in His infinite wisdom – that the only way to heal Miriam was to take her home to be with Him.

Thank you all for the many kind thoughts, the things left on our porch, the cards and the prayers in remembrance of Miriam’s birthday. In years to come, I’m sure that we’ll find a way to honor Miriam’s birthday that is befitting of the way she lived her life. This year, we are going to remember her, love her, miss her, and we have the simple goal of just making it through the day.

God remains good and faithful.
We love you all.

If you haven’t visited the site in a while, please read my “final” entry of April 11, 2006.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006 5:26 PM CDT

You know how everything in life has a purpose and everything runs its course and somehow contributes to the future – whether bad or good. Well, my dear friends and prayer partners, I think this site has served its purpose. On the 28th of April, it will have been three months since Miriam’s death. On the 8th of May, she would have turned 15. Today, I realized that I’ve given about all I’ve got to this site. Caringbridge afforded us the opportunity to share information, to meet incredible people (whether in person or through email) and to have innumerable prayers lifted up on our family’s behalf. These are things for which we will forever be grateful. You all have inspired us, encouraged us and given us intangible and tangible gifts that will last a lifetime and we thank you.

For those of you who still desire to check-in on our family, my email address is at the bottom and we’d love to hear from you. I’m not taking the site off the web and, who knows, one day I may be inspired to surprise you and make an entry.

Darian will be in “The Wizard of Oz” at Derby Dinner Playhouse, in Clarksville, from July 11- August 20. She will only perform half of the performances, however, as they double cast the children’s parts. If you’re interested in attending, you can call the Derby Dinner ticket office or you can email me and I’ll try to answer your questions. She is very excited about summer, although she will be very busy … and she is looking forward to being in 7th grade next year. She is doing beautifully, growing like a weed and favors her Sissy – in appearance and character – more and more each day. We are eternally thankful to God for having been given two such wonderful girls.

Vern will continue doing what Vern does best – loving us (and working). He is a tremendous husband and father and I praise God, every day, for giving me the wisdom to marry him instead of the 2000 other men that were standing in line (perhaps not quite that many!) He has been such a witness to so many people and makes such a prayerful effort to do God’s will on a daily basis.

Me, well you already know that I’ve given up those bon bons and soap operas and turned to lettuce and the treadmill. Now I’m not saying that a stray bon bon might not jump into my mouth occasionally and I’m still counting on Miriam to be straightening up that “size 2” thing for me in Heaven (and in between her communion with Jesus, her dancing, singing and being happy and healthy I’m sure that’s just what she’s doing – that and counting down the days until Orlando Bloom arrives!!) Let’s not share that with Orlando, okay? Writing these entries has been cathartic – often painful and joyful at the same time. I have seen and done things I didn’t think I’d ever do and have memories that I count on God, daily, to override with joy and peace. I certainly never imagined nursing Miriam and, eventually, watching her eyes close for the last time. We knew she was special that day, almost 15 years ago, when God gave her to us and He confirmed it time and time again by how He used her life for His glory and to further His kingdom. What a privilege for a Christian – to be used so mightily by God. We miss her every moment, of every day, and will until God calls us each home to be with her forever. Until then, we are thankful to God for all the memories we have and for the privilege of having Miriam in our lives, albeit for a brief 14 years and 265 days. Praise God that, because of His willing sacrifice of His son all those years ago – we will forever be with Miriam in Heaven. I FOUGHT HARD to keep Miriam, so knowing that He WILLINGLY sent Jesus to die on the cross, just increases my faith in what an incredible and loving God He is – now and forever.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern and Darian

Friday, April 7, 2006 12:25 AM CDT

I can't even believe I'm writing this ... but after spending many hours this week at Kosair with my precious friend Stephanie ... I have to let you all know that I was still stunned when she called last night to say that Brooke had died around 10:00 after suffering infections and complication from what seemed like a smooth surgery. I had just left a few hours earlier and was still hoping and praying for a miracle. After our elation on Tuesday, yesterday began as a nightmare and it never got any better. Cancer has gotten the best of us again and I am devastated for the Clemons family. Please pray for their entire family as they make preparations and as they, as a family, deal with Brooke's sudden and unexpected death. Brooke's web page is at www.caringbridge.org/ky/brooke. I am confident that Miriam was waiting for sweet little Brooke and is showing her the way around their beautiful new home.

As always, pray for Dr. Soni, as Brooke was one of his and he has now said goodbye to three of his precious girls, including Miriam, in the last ten weeks. Pray for his strength, endurance, peace that he did all he could and for him to rest securely in the knowledge that he is making a difference and he is loved.

As always, God is good and God is faithful.

Thursday, March 30, 2006 4:50 AM CST

Here I said I was waiting too long, in between updates, so I waited longer … oh well, if it made sense it wouldn’t fit in at our house. So, I’ll try to hit the high points.

Last week was a week of intense missing tempered with bouts of sadness (brought on by last Tuesday’s snow – you know Miriam loved snow) and then we just had trouble shaking it. Some tears and lots of prayer later (and, of course, God still provided opportunities for joy and laughter) the week ended. Thank God for Friday.

Darian found out that she has been placed in concert band (normally for 8th graders) instead of intermediate band next year. She was very excited. When Miriam was in 7th grade, she was the only 7th grader in the concert band. Darian really wanted to be in it (not that she’s following in her sister’s footsteps because they each have beautiful footsteps all their own), so she is thrilled, thrilled, and more thrilled – to say the least. She signed her contract, with Derby Dinner, to be a munchkin in their production of “The Wizard of Oz” and that was a big deal to her – having to fill out tax documents and sign a contract. Vern and I are just looking forward to becoming bums in our old age and allowing Darian to support us. Maybe we’ll call ourselves her managers, run up huge debts and then argue over her career choices! (Sorry, my imagination went wild!!) I have confidence in my very loving girl to stay grounded whether at Derby Dinner or on Broadway and prayerfully Vern and I will continue to be supportive parents who offer her stability when she moves to New York and takes the stage by storm (okay, again my imagination is running away from me!)

This week, my precious little one is in St. Louis with Zack and his family. From her phone calls, I’d say she’s having quite the time and it seems they are staying just about as busy as they can. Vern and I have been eating out and watching movies (some good and some Vern picked – ha ha). I’ve graciously allowed Vern to work some more (I am such a generous wife) and I have been very busy – some working, some cleaning, and hanging out with some loving friends who are making sure I don’t have too much time to think about the silence. Silence can be very hard, my friends. Friday, we’re going to St. Louis, visiting for the night, and retrieving our youngest to bring her home so that she has 48 hours to adjust to the yucky, yucky time change before school begins on Monday. Getting up at 6:30 is BAD. Getting up at 6:30 (when it’s really 5:30) is REALLY BAD! It takes us weeks to adjust, after the spring time change, and I drive Vern crazy going around the house saying “new time versus old time” and truly trying to mess with his psyche. Actually, truth be told, messing with Vern is just one of the ways that I show my love for him (boy, I must really love him!)

Highland Hills Middle School is planning a memorial for Miriam in their courtyard area which will be beautiful. I had a meeting with her cutie patootie asst. principal last week regarding the memorial (unfortunately, he chose not to wear the sumo costume for me to see!) Galena Elementary is placing a plaque outside of its library (wonder why the library????) in memory of Miriam and many books have been purchased in memory of her. Also, the Floyd County Relay for Life (May 19-20) is going to be run in memory of Miriam … so get out your walking shoes and start forming your teams. All of these things humble us, as a family, and speak – yet again – to the ways that God has used, and continues to use, Miriam to affect change and influence the lives of others. God is truly good and faithful. I’m still praying for her gravestone to be up by her birthday (May 8th). We’ll see.

Well, I think I’ve delivered the high points of the last 10 days. I’m sure I’ve missed some, so you’ll just have to fill in with your imaginations. Please continue to pray for our healing, as a family (need I even say how difficult each day is?) We are so grateful to God for delivering Miriam to glory, but WOW, how we miss her here every moment of every day. Please pray for our strength and our joy as the days pass. Please pray for Darian’s sinus trouble to get better as it is still something she’s dealing with (yeah for the Ohio Valley) and pray for Vern to walk in strength and peace each day. Me – it’s all about the lettuce and the treadmill!! As always, continue your prayers for our dear Dr. Soni.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Please say a special prayer for our friend Brooke (www.caringbridge.org/ky/brooke). We love her and her family and I encourage you all to check her site and lift them up in prayer.

Monday, March 20, 2006 9:16 AM CST

We’ve been pretty busy around here and I’ve learned that I probably shouldn’t go quite so long in between entries.

Tuesday, I ran over (okay, okay, I took the car) to an open house at Dr. Blue Eyes’ new place. He is such a sweetheart and graciously lays the future of his orthopaedic oncology practice on his incredibly strong, brave and faith-filled first patient – our Miriam. I think I did set jealousy into the hearts of a few of the Norton employees when I got big hugs both on coming and going. Then, we were off to Darian’s spring band concert and it was wonderful. She loves her music and really enjoys her oboe. She was the most beautiful little girl on stage. Actually, to me, she was the only little girl on stage (although rumor has it that there was really a full band surrounding her … somehow I didn’t see them!) We graciously allowed Vern to work and work and work on Monday and Tuesday.

Thursday, Darian started off her day with school and I headed to Bible Study. It was a half-day of school so Darian went to a friend’s house and I ended up doing a bunch of “junk” I’ve been putting off. Truly, it may take me into the new century to catch-up – or – we may to have a big bonfire, this summer, after which I will suddenly announce that I’ve caught up with everything!! (Paper makes great kindling!!!!) We graciously allowed Vern to work and work and work on Wednesday and Thursday. (Is anybody noticing a theme for my poor, dear husband???)

Friday was a far more exciting day. Where to begin … I ran over to the clinic to visit with some people and – of course – to deliver brownies and Darian went off to school for another whopping half-day. They had a pep rally where her cutie patootie vice-principal (one of Miriam’s pall bearers) “sumo wrestled” her principal. You know, where they dress up in those stuffed sumo outfits and wrestle. I missed it, but Darian said it was hilarious – high praise!!! For the first half of the day, we graciously allowed Vern to work and work and work. Then, we all three headed over to Derby Dinner for Darian’s audition for “The Wizard of Oz.” We visited, auditioned and left with a future star on our hands (code for: she got the part)! Darian was walking on air although she realizes that most of her summer will now be spent in rehearsals and performances (the life of a future star!) Of course, we did have a Miriam moment when Darian realized that she wouldn’t get her congratulatory big hug, lift off the ground and “I’m proud of you” from her sister. We cried and we moved on to our celebration dinner at Buckheads.

Saturday - wow another big day … Darian’s festival band played in an invitational at Jeff High and they won GOLD! Again, I’m sure Wheaties will come calling at any minute. Church and dinner capped off our day.

Today we slept in and then I headed over to St. Baldrick’s to meet some of my friends and watch Dr. Soni lose his hair. The weather was perfect and over 450 people shaved their heads in order to raise money for children’s cancer research.

Darian’s sinus trouble has never gone away and she’s home again today, with a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. As soon as she went off her antibiotic, on Friday, the symptoms returned so she feels pretty yucky. Please pray for her to feel better and for warm weather to bring sinus healing. Please pray for Vern as he is struggling with missing Miriam so much. It goes without saying how difficult it is to not have her witih us. Me, I’ve given up bon bons and soap operas for lettuce and the treadmill in an effort to lose what I gained in the last two years (trust me, the bon bons were A LOT more fun!!!!) As always, pray for our beloved (and now bald)Dr. Soni.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Friday, March 10, 2006 7:42 AM CST

Let’s see if I can share with you all of the fun that we’ve been having around here.

First, Darian’s play run was an extreme success. Each night, she had a nice-sized fan base there to cheer her on and she was thrilled. Of course, after every performance, the actors were able to come out into the crowd and greet people so I was able to get pictures of almost everybody so she could share. Needless to say, this whole experience just furthered the “acting bug” disease that she already had. This Friday, she’s auditioning for a play here in a local theatre. I’m praying for her to get a part (because she really wants it), but I’m not quite sure that I’m prepared to be a real theatre mom. Somehow, I think the mileage on my van might go up by leaps and bounds. If she gets this part, it would also mean that our summer will be spent “at the theatre, at the theatre.” It would make her very happy, however, so I am praying for things to go well.

Vern was really sick last week with the flu bug. He even stayed home, from work, for two days because he was just really yucky. He actually allowed me to take him to the doctor, if that tells you just how yucky he felt (of course, I did offer him a lollipop when he was finished with the big bad doctor - I'm just kidding!). Anyway, a steroid shot and a good antibiotic later, and he’s well on his way to feeling brand new. On Saturday, Darian came down with the sniffles and each day she sniffed and sneezed her way through. Finally, by Tuesday evening, hers had turned into the full-blown flu so I was off to the doctor on Wednesday morning. Like her daddy, a good antibiotic and a strong cough syrup later and she was actually able to return to school today. Her returning to school might have had something to do with it being the last day of the bookfair and her "wish list" was quite extensive.

Now you can understand why I haven’t updated because we’ve been very boring around here. We have a relatively quiet weekend coming up (praise God) and I am praying for no unexpected surprises. Vern is on the praise team, at church, and I’m sure Darian will be spending a great deal of the weekend doing her “make-up” homework from the school she missed this week.

Anyway, please pray for us as we continue to heal. Each day brings new challenges coupled with new joys. We miss Miriam terribly and there is nothing to compensate for that missing, but God is giving us just what we need to meet each day with faith and joy. Please pray for Vern and Darian to continue to heal, from their flu bugs, and be restored to full health. Please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who fights the good fight every day.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Thursday, March 2, 2006 7:00 AM CST

It may be that I saw the single-most incredible, wonderful, beautiful and talented duckling (of all time) on the stage last night. Okay, not "may be" ... I did see the single-most incredible, wonderful, beautiful and talented duckling (of all time) on the stage last night - that she belonged to us was just icing on the cake!!!! Darian's first performance, yesterday, went very well and she was VERY EXCITED. Several of my friends came out to support her and she even received some flowers - which of course is always nice for an actress. Miriam's two dear friends, Natalie and Whitney, came as well to support Darian. We know that Miriam was enjoying the performance, from the best seat "in the house" and I'm quite sure she probably had her dear popcorn loaded with popcorn butter and lots of salt (after all, I'm assuming high blood pressure is nonexistent in Heaven - of course, I'm also assuming that I'm going to be a size 2, as well!) Anyway, all went well and Darian has another busy day today. She has two daytime performances, for the 6th and 7th grade and then another evening performance. We'll have another cheering section for her tonight and then we get to do it all over again tomorrow. By the time I've seen the play each time and from the rehearsals - I could probably qualify as a duck myself (probably more of a turkey!)

All in all, things are going well here. God is continuing to be gracious, in the healing process, giving us just what we need when we need it. For me, mornings and bedtime are the hardest ... you know waking up and her room being empty and then going to bed and not having her yell "I love you" from her bedroom. Throughout every day, however, I find new memories and new joys to celebrate and praise God for never failing to give me joy. Each day, here on earth, gives Vern, Darian and me a chance to live, laugh and love and we never fail to appreciate that. Each day, here on earth, also moves us one day closer to our eternal home and our reunion with Miriam.

We finally ordered the headstone for Miriam's grave (a process that perhaps should be started when you're born and should come with an instruction manual!) Now ... we wait ... it seems it will be 2-3 months before the process is complete. I had hopes of having it up by her birthday on May 8th, but I think those hopes have dimmed. I'm sure she's enjoying the view of watching us try to arrange for her headstone when she's surrounded by the riches of heaven. (I'm telling you people that she got the better deal!!!)

Anyway, the rest is just living and healing as God allows. Please continue to pray for us as we continue to adjust to not having Miriam with us, in body, and pray for our memories and our joys to stay everclear as we always have Miriam with us, in spirit. Please continue to pray for Dr. Soni as he continues, each day, to better the lives of children with cancer.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 7:01 AM CST

Good morning to all of you who are still checking in on us. You know, wonderful prayer partners, there just isn’t a whole lot going on here except living … the day to day – moment by moment. Therefore, I’ll probably be updating, relatively sporadically, as the natural progression of healing takes place. I have no idea what the future holds (praise God that two years ago I didn’t know what the future held), but God does and He’s carried us all through this far so I’m faithfully counting on Him to see us the rest of the way until we’re reunited with our beautiful Miriam. Vern, Darian and I have no idea what God has planned for each of our lives, but we do know He has plans so we’ll just see where He leads us.

Darian’s play practices are coming along great! She’s the cutest little duckling (I may be slightly prejudiced). Next week is her big week and she’s very excited. She has a fair number of “Darian fans” coming to each performance and that makes her very happy. She’s doing extremely well in school – of course – when have we ever had to worry about the girls and school? She also still has her band practices for the festival band in which she was invited to play. In a little over two months is the sixth grade trip to Chicago so she’s just busy, busy, and busy! On top of all of that, she’s got some other things “in the fire” that could keep us hopping most of the summer. Praise God!

Vern is continuing to get back into the swing of things which isn’t easy. He is probably working too hard in an effort to make up for taking so much time off and perhaps, truth be told, to stay busy. He’s still very active on the worship team, at church, and I’m so proud of him for ministering even on the days when I know it is difficult. Hey, who am I kidding – every day is difficult. We hold fast to the knowledge and “it’s all about God” and our moments here on earth are mere “blips” (one of my favorite words). God has given us life to reach others and we have witnessed, first hand, that it isn’t the length of the life it’s the faith of the life.

Me, well I’m pretty boring right now. Shocking, huh? I’ve been working, getting back into my responsibilities as Associate Teaching Director of Community Bible Study, finishing the year-end finances for the company, and generally rediscovering what it’s like to be out in the world. I look at faith like a “leap before you look” kind of thing. God says leap, and we do … then we get to look and see all the beauty we would have missed if we’d looked first and turned around in fear.

We all have our moments, each and every day, some more than others, when the pain of Miriam being gone steals our breath away. We continue to be overjoyed that she is pain-free and with Jesus, but we are human and we miss her terribly. Now before you feel too sorry for us, remember that the flip side of our sorrow is the incredible joy at having been given Miriam for the 14 years and 265 days we had her and Darian … we’re working on 13 years and hoping to have many, many more to come. How good is God that He shared this awesome gift with us … nothing we earned … just a gift?

Please continue to pray for us – that God would be gracious in the healing process and allow us to continue to temper our sorrow with the incredible joy of knowing Miriam is whole and happy. Please continue to pray for our dear Dr. Soni who is still in the trenches making a difference every day.

Sunday, February 12, 2006 8:14 AM CST

Okay, dear prayer partners, for those of you who have been checking, for an update – I have to tell you, we’ve just not been that exciting this last week!!

Those of you who are old enough, might remember the old Police lyrics “every move you make, every breath you take” … well our last week has been quite a bit like that … with every move we make and every breath we take we think of Miriam. You know it’s to be expected and we are just at the very beginning of our healing from her death. God continues to be very gracious in reminding us, daily, of how He was able to use Miriam’s life for His glory.

I spent the better part of my week working and trying to catch up with all of the things I had set aside to “do later.” While I still have a long ways to go, I am making headway. I did manage to fit in a couple of lunches - one with my dear buddy, the “lasagna chef”. We had a great lunch and always enjoy our time together. She’s one of those people who know when to talk, when to listen and when to just be silent. It’s a gift and she’s got it. Of course, it helps that she’s only a hair less crazy than me!!! I was also able to have lunch, with a very special group of women, on Friday. We all have met through the cancer process and they are each incredible so we had a really nice lunch. Other than that, for me, it’s been nose to the grindstone … (okay, so maybe no grindstone was involved, but I did actually do laundry this week … and a washing machine is like a grindstone!)

Darian has been a very busy bee, as always. She continues to have play practices, every day, after school. Her play performances will be March 1 at 4:00, March 2 at 7:00 and March 3 at 7:00 in Highland Hills Middle School’s auditorium. On top of that, she was invited to play her oboe in a “Festival of the Bands” in March, so the selected band members have been having those practices, as well. Her week was capped off with a dance at school and a birthday party last night. I swear that in the last two weeks, she has grown 6 inches … or maybe I’ve just missed some of the subtle ways she’s been changing into a teenager right before my very eyes. She is doing very well, but as with all of us, there are moments when thoughts of not having Sissy around bring her to tears.

Vern has been working and working. I think our staff may decide to send him back home because he is on fire. Our clients have been so kind in allowing him freedom where need be, but now he’s back and everyone is ready move forward. He did order Miriam’s gravestone, this week, but it will take 8-12 weeks to be installed. It’s going to be black marble, imported from Italy, so that just takes awhile. Miriam would have appreciated that little bit of irony, because Italy was where she wanted to travel, so we’re bringing a little bit of Italy to her. We’re praying that it will be installed by what would have been her 15th birthday, on May 8. Right now, there is just a little grave marker at her grave … but it says a lot about her. It has her name, vital information, and then it says “her smile, her courage, her faith.” These three things were our beautiful Miriam.

Anyway, not much else happening here … we wake up each day, we pray and we remind ourselves to breathe. If we find ourselves having a pity party over missing Miriam, we remind ourselves that she is happy and pain-free and that she wouldn’t want us wasting time feeling blue. Thankfully, God surrounds us, each day, with reminders of His good ness and His faithfulness and He sees us through. Miriam always did say that I didn’t “do sad well” so we stay focused on the positive and continue (praise God) to find joy in the most amazing places.

Please continue to pray for all of us as we adjust to a different way of life and as we heal. Miriam will always be with us. As I described it to someone, the other day, she’s everywhere and yet she isn’t … so there are adjustments each and every day … sometimes each and every moment. Please pray for Darian to continue to have such joy for everything and for Vern to continue to be the amazing dad and husband that he is to us. As always, pray for our dear Dr. Soni who, each day, is immersed in the ugly world of children’s cancer.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:54 PM CST

I can’t believe that it’s been over a week since Miriam went to Heaven to be with Jesus. It seems truly strange to wake up and not have her there beside me.

Thursday we decided that we were going to pick out a headstone for Miriam’s grave. Okay, let me give you a word of advice … don’t go looking for a headstone the day after the celebration. I mean, who knew that there were more regulations for headstones than there are to become a citizen of the United States! At one point, I just looked at Vern and said “this should not be this complicated” so it is now his assignment to go out tomorrow (knowing my likes and dislikes) and arrange for something. Praise God, that due to Paul Kraft, Chad Kraft, and Kraft Funeral Homes – all of the other arrangements for the week went smoothly and just the way we wanted them. Although, I do think that I owe Paul a bottle of Tylenol … it just may be possible that I (and Miriam) was not his average customer, but he was wonderful with all of our requests.

Rebounding from our bad decision to shop for a headstone, on Thursday, we went to the movies on Friday. We saw “Fun with Dick & Jane.” It was okay and it was certainly better than our last movie fiasco! The rest of Friday, I spent trying to organize my office since parts of it were still in my bedroom and parts of it still inhabited our dining room table. I do believe that all the parts are now in the right place and I’m ready for my first of the month tasks this week. Vern finished taking down the Christmas decorations (yes, we were running a little behind) and Darian finished some homework and then lost herself on the computer.

We went to the 4:15 service yesterday and it was a blessing … but not having her there was different – to say the least. I know that she is having the best service of her life – every day – but the mommy in me, the daddy in Vern and the sister in Darian would have loved to have had her just a little while longer. When we catch ourselves, being selfish like that, we remind ourselves to praise God, however, for His goodness in taking away her pain and giving her all of His riches. After all, what woman doesn’t want surrounded by pearly gates and streets of gold??? I’m quite sure there are some diamonds and emeralds waiting there somewhere! We know that the “firsts” of everything will be the most difficult and we are praying our way through each day. Following church, we dined at Applebee’s, but again, the strangeness of it all set in when there was no one to argue over who got to sit by which parent … these are the moments we all take a deep breath and pray really, really hard.

Today, we went to Derby Dinner to see “The Foreigner.” Miriam used to love Derby’s green beans, so we all had green beans in her honor! The show was very funny and we needed a good laugh (one that wasn’t provided by me saying something goofy or Vern hurting himself … yes, we laugh when he hurts himself … I suppose it’s a nervous reaction … or is it???)

Of course, Vern is now lost in the Super Bowl; Darian is attempting to finish her homework since she hasn’t been to school in one and one-half weeks and I spent my evening cleaning my jacuzzi tub because I haven’t used it in two years (needless to say, it needed some help.) Are we an exciting bunch of people, or what??

My prayer for each of you is that you live each day as if there were no tomorrow and as if Jesus was sitting on your shoulder (because He is, you know). Love your families, take the time to do the silly stuff (we’re experts at that), know that the laundry will be there tomorrow if you build a snowman today, or the dishes will still be dirty in the morning if you play a game of “Monopoly” tonight, or that important business meeting might not be as important as you think compared to the school play or lunch with your kids. Ah … there I go on my soapbox again.

Please continue to pray for us as we work through each new day without Miriam. She is everywhere and yet she isn’t … truly difficult. Please pray for Darian as she heads back to school tomorrow. Pray that God will put a hedge of protection around her and that people will do and say comforting things. Please pray for Vern as he heads back to work tomorrow. Pray for God to shield him from stress and give him just what he needs. As always, pray for our beloved Dr. Soni as he gives of himself to treat his patients and bless other families as he blesses ours.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern and Darian

Donations to the Miriam Eswine Memorial Scholarship Fund may be made at any branch of PNC Bank, or mailed to PNC Bank, Corner of Spring & State Streets, New Albany, Indiana 47150. Thanks to everyone who has contributed.

Thursday, February 2, 2006 7:29 AM CST

WOW!!! That’s about all we’ve been saying the last couple of days – just WOW!!! If you weren’t able to come celebrate with us, personally, then let me just tell you that Miriam got her party … and then some. She was surrounded by more balloons than I have ever seen. People found the most unique things to send to her – angels with flutes, angels with books … glass orbs that looked liked balloons … everything she would have loved. I know that, even though she was already overjoyed at being with Jesus, surely her smile has been even brighter the last few days watching her party here on earth.

We are so grateful for each of you who took the time to come and stand in the long lines to express your heartfelt love for Miriam. We find, each day, new people that she was able to touch – with her witness – and new ways that lives have been changed. I am still receiving emails about life-changing experiences that people have had because of watching Miriam’s faith, in God, stay strong and true. Everyone had such kind words to say and we were blessed by all of them. Dr. Blue Eyes came by, on Tuesday, and if you were fortunate enough to be there – you would have heard the collective sigh of many women in the room. God love that man, because we sure do. I continue to pray that God blesses Dr. Blue Eyes and his family for all that he has done for us and has yet to do for the children. Many of our hospital friends came by and we were so touched that they took time, in their days, to come share Miriam’s life with us. Of course, those crazy clinic nurses – Donna, Hope, Frances and Autumn - came … because, you know, it couldn’t have been a party without them. Miriam loved them so. We were surrounded by friends and family (and I do mean surrounded!) I praise God that we are loved by so many people and grateful for the capacity to love that much in return.

The celebration, yesterday, was everything that Miriam wanted it to be. Her beautiful (and crazy just like us) flute teacher, Amy King, played two uplifting selections. Her band teacher, Phil Thomas (whom she adored beyond belief) played her favorite hymn “Amazing Grace” on his trumpet. Our good friends Vince Garmon and Bev Kiesler gave wonderful prayers of praise to God. Then, in further proof of my insanity, I offered my tribute to Miriam – just as I had promised her I would do. God continued to bless us and I was able to deliver the words that needed to be said. Our minister, George Ross, then spoke for a few minutes (hey, guys – he’s just as crazy as the rest of us) and spoke wonderful words about Miriam and her faith in God. We all sang “Shout to the Lord” and then had “Into the West” played – while there was a picture tribute – before the casket was carried out. I hadn’t warned Vern or Darian, about the picture thing (because I was afraid they’d become too emotional) so they were surprised and touched. Miriam’s pall bearers were hand-picked, by her, (bossy chick that she is) and were – as follows: Steve Griffin (Asst. Principal HHMS – she thought he was extremely wonderful and just ever so cute); Finace Smith, 8th Grade Science Teacher – a remarkable Christian witness to her who she respected and loved); Vince Garmon (great family friend and deliverer of all things “White Castle”); Austin Gresham (much-loved Uncle); Taylor Rectenwald (dear friend of Miriam’s); Zack Eswine (loved half-brother); Phil Thomas (her love for this man knew no end); and her beloved Dr. Soni (need I say more?)

Dr. Soni began this journey, with us, and stayed with us until the end. He wore his jeans – for Miriam – (who I know was jumping for joy and saying “wow, what a hottie! – if you’re allowed to say “hottie” in heaven) I will say, one more time, he is an exceptional man who has always been there for us and we love him. He sat with us, rode with us, and stayed with us - appropriately so, because he has truly become a part of our family. My respect for him is unlimited.

Anyway, the entire day would have pleased Miriam tremendously. We even arranged for our grave plots – to be under a tree – because she so loved to sit under trees and read. (Okay, we know she’s with Jesus and not under the tree … it’s symbolic, people). After the burial and dinner, at the church, we came back home and just thought about all of the love and goodness that God had provided for us. He carried us through the last few days, just as He has carried us through the last two years and will continue to carry us through the many years ahead.

Capping off our evening – we watched Simon, Paula and Randy dash the hopes of some and send some on to Hollywood!!! It’s what we would have done if Miriam had been with us … American Idol must go on!

We love you all and we thank you all for everything. There are no words to describe how much love we feel. There are no words to describe the goodness and the faithfulness of God, but we hope that you too have seen and felt His love, His goodness, and His faithfulness surround you in the last few days.

I’ll be posting, on Miriam’s web page, for awhile – partly to keep you informed as to the Miriam Eswine Memorial Scholarship Fund, partly to let you know about Darian’s play and such, and partly to continue what has been a very cathartic and healing part of my life. God has allowed me so much grace in writing about our lives and – the answer is yes – there will be a book … after some healing.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern and Darian

Saturday, January 28, 2006 1:16 PM CST

VISITATION IS AS FOLLOWS:
Kraft Memorial Funeral Home
708 E. Spring St., New Albany
Monday, 5:00-8:00p.m.
Tuesday, 10:00 a.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Celebration: 11:00 a.m. Wednesday
Northside Christian Church
Charlestown Road, New Albany

Please read the entire journal entry for Miriam's wishes.

How free she flies, so swift she goes
Our heaven bound, our MiMi Rose …

Our baby is at peace today
Healed of cancer and at rest
Smiling, laughing, truly free
Feeling at her best.

Her smile is surely ear to ear
Her purpose now complete
Her heart can only soar with joy
Sitting at our Savior’s feet.

Our sorrow has begun for real.
We’re working through our grief
Yet, picturing her in Jesus’ arms
Has brought us sweet relief.

Dance Miriam, laugh Miriam
Sing a praise-filled tune.
We’ve held you in our arms on earth
We will in heaven …. soon.

We love you and we miss you already,
Mommy, Daddy and Darian

Written for MiMi Rose by Mommy, with a mother’s love
1/27/06

Miriam went to be with Jesus at 1:32, this afternoon. Miriam and I had planned her celebration (she didn’t want a sad-song funeral, but a joy-filled celebration of remembrance), quite some time ago, but details, regarding times and dates, must be determined.. I will post details of visitation and celebration arrangements as soon as we have finalized them. Miriam wanted surrounded by balloons, and not “old people flowers” (her words/not mine)! We have also established a “Miriam Eswine Memorial Scholarship Fund” that is accessible, for expressions of sympathy, at any branch of PNC Bank.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Thursday, January 26, 2006 2:47 PM CST

(UPDATE 1/28/06 11:00 a.m.: Rumors are flying, but rest assured that we are still waiting on Jesus to carry Miriam home. She is resting comfortably while she is waiting on our Lord. END OF UPDATE)

(ENTRY 1/26/06): Well, my dear and precious prayer partners … we are at that moment that we have dreaded, yet (again one of the paradoxes of cancer) for which we have prayed fervently. Last night, Miriam developed fluid, on her lungs, and today a nurse from Hospice came – for only the fourth time in the last three weeks – but it was a big one! We nearly doubled Miriam’s pain medication and I am now giving all of her other meds, to her, through her central line. Her systems have begun to shut down and it is not expected that she will live beyond this evening or tomorrow. There is an outside possibility of her living up to three more days, but that is extremely unlikely.

Please pray for our family as we make our hugs and kisses last a lifetime … our memories are forever and our knowledge that Miriam will be free from cancer, at peace, and spending her time with Jesus – will make our souls rejoice ... our hearts will need time to heal.

My next journal entry will be to let you all know that Miriam is in Jesus' arms.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006 7:08 PM CST

Well, we are varying our pattern ever so slightly (I guess that means I can’t really call it a pattern, come to think of it!) We adjusted Miriam’s medication, on Sunday, and Sunday evening and Monday were her best days of comfort – in a long time. Of course, she did sleep pretty much the whole time, but hey, comfort is comfort when you’ve been in extreme pain for an extended period. We have been adjusting medications to take away her anxiety from her confusion, hallucinations, etc. We alternate between episodes of confusion with rare episodes of divine clarity, when she looks at us and says I love you. We have spent the better part of the weekend saying goodbye, in our own ways to her and allowing her to say goodbye to us because – with each increase in medication we have lost more and more of who Miriam was and she is coming closer and closer to going home to Jesus. As sad as that moment will be, it will bring divinely inspired joy that she is pain-free, confused no longer, and walking (I prefer to think of her as dancing, since she was quite the ballerina) side-by-side with our Lord. I’ve always told the girls that my first question, in Heaven, was going to be “Why, Lord, why wasn’t I a size 2?” I recently told Miriam that she needed to ask about children’s cancer first, but then she was supposed to clear up that size 2 thing with God! (Of course, I’m sure that she won’t even realize children’s cancer exists – by the time she reaches heaven – and she probably won’t care about my size 2 issue either!!)

Darian is doing as well as she can. She was made a nominee for princess, in her English class, the other day. Now I’m not sure of what she could be elected princess, but I am quite sure that her nomination solidifies my position that – as her mother – I should be called queen! She is very busy with her play practices and enjoying them immensely. When the play is performed, her dad and I will definitely be partial to one little "quacker!" Everything is overshadowed by our life with cancer, but joy can be found in the most amazing places, if you focus on the finding and not on the losing.

Vern is going out each day, armored in strength and courage, to provide for our family and do what needs to be done. It isn’t easy and I’m so proud of him for being the man of faith that he is and such a fine example to the girls. Trust me, he’s not too shabby of a husband either (but this is one of those “what Vern doesn’t know, won’t hurt him” things … wouldn’t want him to get a big head and all!!!)

Please pray for Miriam’s comfort level. Pray for her mind to be filled with visions of heaven and for her to be protected from the pain going on inside her body. We faithfully believe that God will move in His time, but we are praying for His timing to be swift. Please continue to pray for Darian. She continues to make us so proud by exhibiting true courage, strength and faith every single day … every single moment. Please ask God to multiply her courage and provide many joy-filled moments in her days. Please pray for Vern to keep walking strong, working well, and loving fully. Please pray for our much-loved Dr. Soni who faithfully walks with us every step of the way. Please pray for me as I am helping one daughter work through the process of dying and one daughter work through the process of living. (Now you can’t say that I’ve never asked for prayer for me … I just waited until it was a big one!)

Always believing that …

God is good and God is faithful
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Tuesday, January 24, 2006 7:08 PM CST

Well, we are varying our pattern ever so slightly (I guess that means I can’t really call it a pattern, come to think of it!) We adjusted Miriam’s medication, on Sunday, and Sunday evening and Monday were her best days of comfort – in a long time. Of course, she did sleep pretty much the whole time, but hey, comfort is comfort when you’ve been in extreme pain for an extended period. We have been adjusting medications to take away her anxiety from her confusion, hallucinations, etc. We alternate between episodes of confusion with rare episodes of divine clarity, when she looks at us and says I love you. We have spent the better part of the weekend saying goodbye, in our own ways to her and allowing her to say goodbye to us because – with each increase in medication we have lost more and more of who Miriam was and she is coming closer and closer to going home to Jesus. As sad as that moment will be, it will bring divinely inspired joy that she is pain-free, confused no longer, and walking (I prefer to think of her as dancing, since she was quite the ballerina) side-by-side with our Lord. I’ve always told the girls that my first question, in Heaven, was going to be “Why, Lord, why wasn’t I a size 2?” I recently told Miriam that she needed to ask about children’s cancer first, but then she was supposed to clear up that size 2 thing with God! (Of course, I’m sure that she won’t even realize children’s cancer exists – by the time she reaches heaven – and she probably won’t care about my size 2 issue either!!)

Darian is doing as well as she can. She was made a nominee for princess, in her English class, the other day. Now I’m not sure of what she could be elected princess, but I am quite sure that her nomination solidifies my position that – as her mother – I should be called queen! She is very busy with her play practices and enjoying them immensely. When the play is performed, her dad and I will definitely be partial to one little "quacker!" Everything is overshadowed by our life with cancer, but joy can be found in the most amazing places, if you focus on the finding and not on the losing.

Vern is going out each day, armored in strength and courage, to provide for our family and do what needs to be done. It isn’t easy and I’m so proud of him for being the man of faith that he is and such a fine example to the girls. Trust me, he’s not too shabby of a husband either (but this is one of those “what Vern doesn’t know, won’t hurt him” things … wouldn’t want him to get a big head and all!!!)

Please pray for Miriam’s comfort level. Pray for her mind to be filled with visions of heaven and for her to be protected from the pain going on inside her body. We faithfully believe that God will move in His time, but we are praying for His timing to be swift. Please continue to pray for Darian. She continues to make us so proud by exhibiting true courage, strength and faith every single day … every single moment. Please ask God to multiply her courage and provide many joy-filled moments in her days. Please pray for Vern to keep walking strong, working well, and loving fully. Please pray for our much-loved Dr. Soni who faithfully walks with us every step of the way. Please pray for me as I am helping one daughter work through the process of dying and one daughter work through the process of living. (Now you can’t say that I’ve never ask for prayer for me … I just waited until it was a big one!)

Always believing that …

God is good and God is faithful
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Sunday, January 22, 2006 7:27 PM CST

Just to let you know – not much has changed here. I am still increasing Miriam’s pain medication, as it seems Miriam’s pain is constantly working against us. I am hoping that we are about at a level where she might see some true relief, but there is just so much cancer that it is a moment-by-moment battle for us. Due to her extreme anxiety, induced mostly by the nearness of death, the hallucinations, and the confusion that she suffers from the pain medication, another drug has been added to Miriam’s regimen. This one will hopefully further decrease the anxiety caused from her hallucinations and confusion, thus allowing her to rest a little more comfortably. Her speech is extremely slurred, with me acting as translator for Vern and Darian and, I’ll be quite honest, there are times I can’t understand her; yet, I always understand “I’ll love you forever” which, praise God, is one of her most popular phrases. It brings sorrow, to my heart, when I remember only a short time ago - battling wits with her.

There are many hard questions that I cannot answer and there are many hard answers that I pray daily not to question. I do know that we are put here to serve God’s purpose and that He uses even the vilest circumstances for His greater glory. I’ve received so many emails and cards about how people’s lives have been changed because of Miriam’s story. These are the affirmations that God has used Miriam to make more of a difference, in her brief 14 ¾ years, than most people make in a lifetime. Only a mighty God could use such sorrow, pain and grief to change so many lives for the better.

Please continue to pray for Miriam’s pain level to decrease. Truly, only God can defeat the evil that is her pain, but we’re at least trying to win some battles here – until He calls her home and heals her to perfection. Please pray fervent prayers for Darian. She is struggling to comprehend a life without her adored Sissy and we are working daily to love her and assure her. Please continue to pray for Vern’s strength, as he provides for our family, when he’d much rather be home every day. Please pray for his peace and his understanding. Please continue to pray for our dear Dr. Soni.

We remain always believing, and looking through our tears to find …

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Friday, January 20, 2006 9:36 AM CST

First off, I still want to keep a big congratulatory nod, on this page, for Darian getting the part of "Beaky" in her school play entitled "Honk, Jr." The play isn't until the first week of March, so I'll keep you posted on the exact dates and times.

Speaking of that very same little girl, I just had to have her delivered to my doorstep (thanks Elaine!) because she wasn't feeling well at school. She had another case of "gottabewithsissyitis". It is a rare disorder, only associated with beautiful 12 year-old girls who are about to say goodbye to beautiful 14 year-old Sissy's. So, they are now curled up in bed watching a movie together. Okay, truth be told, Miriam is sleeping, more than she's watching, but they're together ... all that counts.

I just keep raising Miriam's pain medication and I am finally noticing some relief in her pain. She has now, due to pain medication and cancer growth, lost most of her control over her arms and cannot use her fingers much at all. They tend to stay in a fist position, which is very frustrating for her. We have found a short-term solution to her double-vision. If she wears an eye-patch, over her right eye (the side where the cancer is), she is able to watch television. When Vern brought the eye patch home, Miriam put it on and then struggled to put her arm up in her t-shirt and form a hook with her finger ... then she proudly announced to us ... look, I'm Captain Hook! We still prize those moments of wit and humor. Also, again due to the pain medication, we are dealing with constant hallucinations. It is a very difficult time for our family as we come closer, each day, to saying goodbye. Yet, she is ready and we are merely waiting on Jesus to call her home.

I have received several emails regarding books on tape. Please understand that to an avid reader, listening to a book compared to reading the written page is like smelling chocolate from a scratch and sniff sticker as opposed to having a box of Godiva sitting on your lap! It just doesn't garner the same satisfaction and Miriam is not interested in listening. I truly appreciate everyone's suggestions, but unfortunately, reading is just in the past.

Please keep praying for Miriam as she is in discomfort, if for no other reason, than for lying 24/7 in a bed. Please pray for God to grant her divine peace and comfort and call her home. Please pray for Darian to stay strong and courageous. There is no pretty picture to paint of our situation. Please pray for Vern as he continues to struggle with releasing Miriam to be free. Please pray for our dear Dr. Soni who never fails us.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006 3:22 PM CST

UPDATE TO TODAY'S YUCKY ENTRY (1/18/06 11:00 p.m.): Darian got a part as a duckling in the school play "Honk, Jr." (I know it makes her sound like an old car ... but it's a take on the ugly duckling story!) Yeah, you can't keep us down long ... God is SO GOOD AND SO FAITHFUL ... always supplying joy when we need it ... WE ARE SO EXCITED!!!) END OF UPDATE.

TODAY'S ENTRY:
For those of you that have been with us, for the better part of the last 25 months (or all of it), you know that my humor has only escaped me a couple of times when writing these journal entries. I think, however, that those same faithful prayer partners, who have come to know Miriam, will - at the same time - forgive me, for my lack of humor, when you realize the import of what I'm about to say: due to the medication and the growth of the cancer in her head, Miriam's vision has blurred to the point that she can no longer read her precious books. Enough said. It has been a difficult day.

Please continue to pray for her pain management. I have now quintupled her pain medication and I expect to raise it again later tonight. Please pray for Darian and Vern to remain strong and courageous and for God to bless them with peace. Please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Monday, January 16, 2006 10:12 PM CST

Now, if you've been keeping up with us, you know we've established a "pattern" so I'll not waste time - other than to say the pattern is just repeating itself daily and I've now quadrupled Miriam's fentanyl infusion rate since it began last Saturday. Amazingly enough, she has actually been "awake" quite a few hours in the last two days. Mind you, quite a bit of the time, her "awake" is like a mild dream state to you and me. She frequently becomes frustrated because, due to the medication, she often comes in and out of consciousness and says things that make no sense at all. I'll give you an example. Last night, she asked me why Pierce Brosnan's (you know the actor that played James Bond) pillow was behind our couch in the bedroom. Now, I told her that it was there in case he came by later and needed it. Vern and Darian looked at me like I was crazy (watch out with what you're thinking!) I explained to them that when the "confusion episodes" began, I discovered very quickly that it was best to pretend along because correcting her only caused extreme anxiety since she then knew that she wasn't really lucid. Sometimes, she realizes that she's said something that's not right and this makes her very sad. Yet, at times, her mind is as clear as ever. Having had the desire to be an astronomy teacher, for Christmas we bought her a moving mobile of the planets that lights up and Vern hung it above our bed since that's where Miriam and I now sleep. Just a couple of nights ago, she spent a great deal of time explaining every planet, to me, in detail and never missed a fact - no matter how small.

Miriam's humor and wit are still going strong, as well. You know, we haven't been having the Hospice nurses come since the day we set up the pump over a week ago, but today, we had the regular Hospice nurse come out to meet us (she was on vacation last week) so that when we ever do need something, Miriam, the nurse and I would be acquainted. Miriam came and went, during the conversation that the nurse and I had - but at one point she said "I really like you." (The highest of compliments from my shy daughter.) When the nurse was leaving, she said something about "Nurse Kathy." Miriam looked at her and said, "Do I have to call you 'Nurse' Kathy?" Kathy said, "No, you can call me anything that you want to" to which Miriam promptly replied, "Okay, goodbye anything that you want to!!" She's still got her quick wit, charm and her beautiful (okay unbelievably beautiful) smile!!! We praise God for every moment together, lucid or not (after all, I haven't been lucid in years so she's just catching up with me!!!!)

Darian spent last night, with a friend, and didn't get home until mid-afternoon today. She was exhausted but she had a really great time. Of course, I'm not sure she's looking forward to that lovely 6:30 a.m. wake-up call tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is her audition, for the school play, so PLEASE say a special prayer for her. She loves acting and singing and, quite honestly, a play would be a nice diversion for her right now. She is VERY nervous, so please pray for her to overcome her nerves and give it all she's got.

Vern ... well, we're still allowing him to go to work every day (aren't we the nice ones) feeling that someone needs to earn money around here. He is spending as much time, as he can, at home with us. Miriam loves to have her daddy snuggled up beside her on the bed.

Thanks again for all of the drop-offs to the house. It seems like every time Vern lets the dogs out (yes, we allow him this privilege, as well) he finds something out there. This evening, he came up the stairs with a 12-pack of diet coke and I asked him where he'd gotten it. He told me that, when he let the dogs out, there it sat on the front porch. Now - I not only have access to controlled substances like fentanyl and morphine ... but I'm dealing "coke" (get it - coke!) Anyway, point being - thank you for every way that you all are taking care of us on a daily basis.

Please pray for Miriam's pain (an ongoing needed request). Please pray for her comfort and her peace. Please pray for Darian's nerves as she goes to her audition tomorrow. Please pray for Vern because it is difficult to work when he wants to spend all of his time at home with us (even as crazy as we are.) Please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who, I've said many times before, is an exceptional man.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Saturday, January 14, 2006 10:43 PM CST

Well, folks, there's not much new to report. I told you that we were establishing a pattern: pain, increased medication, sleep (rinse and repeat)!! I have now tripled Miriam's hourly dose of fentanyl, since the infusion began last Saturday. Today, for the first time, while there has been a little crying (and I mean just a little) ... no screaming! (So I offer up a big PRAISE GOD!!) This morning, Miriam, Vern and Darian all snuggled on the bed - while I was left alone on the couch (big sigh) and we all watched a movie. It's a good thing we all really like our bedroom, because it has become our second family room. By early afternoon, after two pain medicine increases, Miriam was ready to sleep. She's been asleep, off and on, since then. Vern set up shop, downstairs in the family room, and claims to have spent hours working (although with no witnesses to support his claims I must wonder if his work involved television and sports channels!!!) Darian went out to dinner, with friends, and had a fun time.

Miriam continues to experience her greatest discomfort in her right knee. Yesterday, her right leg swelled (and swelled and swelled) and has stayed that way. Her right foot looks like the skin couldn't possibly stretch one degree further. This, unfortunately, is just confirmation that the pain in the knee is yet another tumor that has now begun blocking the leg's natural path of blood flow and fluid drainage. Her right leg, by far, is her biggest area of pain. Her leg is such that she couldn't even walk the few feet, over to the couch, today. She only gets out of bed to use the bathroom. Her arms continue to ache and hurt, but her neurontin seems to be helping a great deal with the nerve pain. Last night, Dr. Soni had me increase her dosage of neurontin. I do think that, with the increases in dosage that I made today to the fentanyl, and the increase Dr. Soni made in the neurontin, she has had the least pain of any day in the last two weeks (another THANK YOU GOD for good medicines and our wonderful Dr. Soni).

Please continue to pray for Miriam's pain level. I think our dosages of pain medications might finally be catching up to the pain. Please pray for God's divine peace and comfort for Miriam. Pray for Darian and Vern to have continued strength and courage and to just enjoy every moment of every day. As always, please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who continues to bless us with his kindness and generosity (and extremely good drugs). I offer praise to our Mighty God - that He continues to be ever present, ever full of grace and mercy and - always ... good and faithful. Thank you all for every meal, card, note of encouragement, gift, gallon of milk or McDonald's coke that has ever been dropped off at our front door - but most of all - thank you for each and every prayer that has made a difference in our lives and continues to carry us through each and every day.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 8:13 PM CST

Long days, long nights, lots of drugs (some times I even let Miriam have some!! - oh I'm kidding - she gets them all except my precious diet coke .. my drug of choice) ... at least we're establishing a pattern!! There is no way to make her absolutely pain free, short of a drug-induced sleep - so there are still times of extreme pain. Anxiety is making itself known, as well, which we are treating with medicine and it seems to be working for her most of the time. Miriam is in such pain - physically, emotionally, mentally - that she is beyond ready to be at home with Jesus. She has fought, been brave and had faith and strength - like no other - but she is so very weary of the struggle.

We still continue to be blessed by moments only God can give. Last night was HORRIBLE, but bed time is always the worst. Yet, today, God gave us several beautiful hours of just talking and being together. I believe the girls even managed to make fun of me some (shocking, huh??) So, you see - God provides joy - both in the living and the dying!

Please continue to pray for Miriam's pain level to be under control and for her anxiety to lessen. Please pray for us to never fail to be thankful for all of the blessings that God gives us, each day, and not focus on the sadness of the situation. Please cover Darian and Vern in your prayers. Pray that God would maintain their strength and courage. Please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who continues to join our family in our struggle.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006 9:25 PM CST

Let's see ... not much exciting around here.

Our Mondays are always quiet, after having Vern and that human tornado (Darian) home for the weekend. Vern had what I lovingly refer to as a "mommy experience" on Monday night. For the first time in ten years, I sent him to a parent meeting - regarding Darian's upcoming sixth grade trip to Chicago. I was supposed to go, but someone who shall remain nameless (and I think we all know what her name is) decided that an 1 1/2 hours was at least 1 hour and 29 minutes too long for me to be gone. So - off my darling, innocent man went - into the world of parent meetings. He came home, still in one piece, yet excitedly speaking of parents who asked questions they've been told will be answered later, people coming in late and the meeting not starting until 10 minutes after its appointed time and other such tales of scandal! I quietly told him "Welcome to the world I've lived in for ten years and I'm glad to have you!" You must know that I'm a rule follower and an absolute fanatic for punctuality so it's no wonder that I'm insane (I do truly blame parts of my insanity on trivial issues such as this!!!)

It's been slow going around here. We're still in the process of getting Miriam's pain under control - and we get closer every day. Have you ever seen the old Three Stooges movie where they spring a leak, cover that leak and new leaks spring up everywhere else until they look like they're playing Twister with the water pipe? ... well I liken that to Miriam's pain. We fix one spot and we're playing Twister to fix five new ones and on it goes. Truthfully, the pain does tend to hang out in a few designated spots - it's just that the spots rotate in their discomfort level ... so perhaps I should liken her pain to a full-blown game of Simon (if you happen to remember the game where you follow the lights around the circle!) I've only had to increase her dosage twice, since Sunday. I haven't had to have the nurse come back, for any reason, so Miriam's pretty happy about that. You know she is extremely fond of us flying on our own (with major reenforcements by our beloved Dr. Soni and God, our ultimate physician.)

Miriam sleeps quite a bit now (and who wouldn't on such a drug cocktail) but when she's awake it is pure joy. Yesterday she was only out of bed 20 minutes, so today, when I called Vern to say "she's up and sitting on the couch" - he hurried right home because you don't want to miss those awake moments. Darian is preparing to audition for a play at school, and on top of everything else that's going on, she's very nervous about the auditions. Please pray for her nerves to stay at bay because she is quite the actress.

Well, there's not too much else to report. Please pray for the usual - pain, pain go away and don't come again a rainy day! Please focus your prayers on Miriam's pain. There are still moments (pain meds and all) when the pain is unbearable for her. Please pray for God to move swiftly in bringing her divine peace and comfort. Please pray for Darian to have comfort and strength as she goes through each day - and to always look for those fantastic moments of pure joy. Please pray for Vern to have rest and peace. He continues his struggle with what lies ahead for us. As always, please pray for our much-loved Dr. Soni - that God would continue to grant him wisdom and discernment and bless him as he blesses us.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Sunday, January 8, 2006 10:43 PM CST

I'm afraid to jinx this ... but I think we're finally getting Miriam's pain under control. Saturday, after much persuasion by our dear Dr. Soni, we hooked up with Hospice so that we could start using IV drugs. The good thing is that I'm allowed to monitor the pump and increase the dosage, as necessary, so we'll only have to call the nurse if I have a specific need. Hospice has been wonderful about understanding our desire to have only the "minimum" level of involvement necessary to get our much-needed IV drugs and the nurse (perhaps spurred on by Dr. Soni's assurances) was great about feeling confident in letting me handle it on my own. I really liked the nurse that came to set things up and I am thankful that I can call the nurses if I do need them. So, in the end, we got our drugs and pretty much on the terms for which I had hoped - thanks to understanding Hospice nurses and that medicine man we love. I am so thankful for people that truly do have the desire to give Miriam what she wants.

Yesterday morning was awful - hence the need to finally break down and go IV. Enough said - let's not talk about yesterday. Today was much better. Miriam's pain was still pretty bad, this morning, but at least I had the means to make it better. Dr. Soni had me increase the dosage of both her IV fentanyl and her neurontin (the oral pain medication she takes to control her neuropathy pain - which is the worst and hardest to control!) Now, understand she plays sleeping beauty - more and more - with each increase in medicine, but at least I feel that we're getting there with her pain control. I'd like to have her awake more, but then I'd like her to be out of pain and we can't seem to have it both ways ... so you know which one we choose.

Vern and Darian went to church, this morning, and then they were off to see "Narnia." It's been a long weekend, so they both needed some time away. They loved the movie and somehow, magically, a new PS2 game came home with them - hummmmm - wonder how that happened (soft-hearted man that I love!)

Please continue to pray for my beautiful baby's pain. It was so nice to go for such a long period of time today and not hear her cry out. I just kept praising God for His goodness (and good drugs and Dr. Soni). Please pray for our new combination of drugs to keep working. As always, pray for God to be merciful and give Miriam peace and comfort. Please pray for Darian to stay strong and keep enjoying every moment. She has such joy for which I'm thankful. Please pray for Vern to have rest and peace. Please pray for God to whisper comfort in his ear as he goes through the day. Of course, you know I want you to pray for our dear Dr. Soni.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Friday, January 6, 2006 2:59 AM CST

Everybody - sing along ... "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of drugs. If ever a wonderful wiz, there was, the wonderful wizard of drugs." Okay, so that's not how the original song goes, but Dorothy and Toto (and perhaps even the Wicked Witch) would certainly grant me a little license with some song lyrics, considering our circumstances! (If the witch didn't - I could always drop a house on her.)

Our beloved Dr. Soni is increasing Miriam's pain medication - yet again. Her pain is increasing at a rate that we are finding difficult to equal with medication. Eventually, we will have to put her on IV meds, but we are holding off as long as possible. I will be able to administer the IV meds, but a Hospice nurse will have to come in, once a day, to check on her and you know Miriam (being shy and private) is not keen on having a stranger come in at this stage of the game. Dr. Soni has done multiple contortions to put it off this long and we are hoping to delay it another week or two.

Miriam has rested quite a bit, in the last two days, although we have managed to fit in a Hugh Jackman film (or two or three). He is pretty high up on Miriam's list - yet not high enough to surpass Orlando, her much-loved Dr. Soni or Dr. Blue Eyes. Vern has been very patient while all of the swooning has gone on and he has not even insisted that we watch a Goldie Hawn movie (just to even things out and let him swoon awhile!) See how generous he is????

Darian is glad that tomorrow is Friday (well, I guess today since it's 4:00 a.m.) because she lost her appetite for rising at 6:30 (as if she ever had one), over Christmas break and getting up early is about to destroy her. She needs a weekend to recover before 6:30 Monday morning rolls around again. I'm not sure that it ever comes easily to rise at 6:30 (although I'm letting her live in the false hope that one day she'll become accustomed to it!)

Please pray for Miriam's pain level to come under control with medications and to allow us to delay the IV drugs longer. Please pray for her peace and her comfort. Please pray for Darian. She continues to stay strong and brave, but there is a minefield of difficulties lying ahead. Please pray for Vern. He is a dad who adores his girls and this is so difficult. Please pray for Dr. Soni who has never failed to guide us, help us and support us.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, January 3, 2006 4:01 PM CST

Praise God that Miriam woke up, at 7:30 this morning, feeling great - which is pretty amazing since she kept me up until 3:00 and a few times after that. I can't begin to tell you the things we discuss ... some things are extremely emotional and then - just when we've been to our emotional depths - she'll ask me something out of the blue that makes us roll laughing! I'm never quite sure if it's because we're crazy, because it's usually the middle of the night, because of all of her drugs ... or everything combined!! Whatever - it works for us.

True to his word (always) our man Dr. Soni supplied me with new prescriptions for Miriam's pain. I know you're probably tired of me saying it - but praise God for Dr. Soni. Hopefully this combination of drugs will handle her new pain level for a little while. Many more morphine, fentanyl and atavan prescriptions and the police are going to start staking out my house!

Now here's your question of the day. Did you ever go to a restaurant craving a certain drink, let's say diet coke (since that's my drink of choice - you can see how well it's worked!) and you build up your thirst waiting for that cold, iced diet coke to be delivered??? Then, just when you think you can't stand it, the server sets your drink before you and you promptly lift the glass and take a long, cold drink of ... Dr. Pepper??? Well, we had a Dr. Pepper instead of Diet Coke afternoon. Miriam's two friends came over and the six of us went to see "The Family Stone". Miriam has been anticipating this movie for months. If you ever intend to see it - DON'T READ FURTHER ... Here's the movie in a nutshell - Family gets together for Christmas, some comedy, some sadness - the end. Did I forget to mention that the mom is dying of cancer, it's their last Christmas together, she wishes for snow, oh - at the end of the movie, it's a year later and they're decorating the tree (sans mom) and staring at a framed picture of the mom when she was younger. Miriam and I kept thinking the movie would move on (after all, it was supposed to be a hilarious comedy) - trust me, it never did. We talked about leaving, but then it would get funny and we'd think ... okay, that's just background info and they're changing course. Vern ended up running Whitney and Natalie to Natalie's house to hang out, because I ended up giving Miriam an atavan, a healthy dose of benadryl and putting her to bed. Here's our new "house rule": We see no movie until a reliable source tells us that no one has cancer, no one dies of cancer, no one speaks of cancer, and it doesn't have Kierra Knightly in it (okay, that last thing is because she's kissed Orlando Bloom!) It was a bummer (and that's an understatement).

So, Darian is off to Emily's to spend the night and have some fun. Vern has a brief something to do at church and then he's picking up our drugs (don't worry, he's renting a U-haul to carry them all). Miriam is resting (thank you God) and I'm getting ready to put in a movie and lose myself in laughter (like we thought we were going to do this afternoon! Tomorrow we've decided to hang around the house and recover from today and Thursday it's off to school again for Darian.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's pain. Her hip is really hurting her, after sitting in her wheelchair long enough to see that awful movie. Emotionally, the movie touched us all in places that we visit too frequently as it is. Please pray for Darian to have a great time tonight and just enjoy the lights being on after 8:30!!! Please pray for Vern who doesn't bounce back to the "joy level" nearly as quickly as Miriam and I do. Please pray for Dr. Soni who guides us, support us, and gives us good drugs (yeah!!!)

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Monday, January 2, 2006 10:11 AM CST

**Update to this morning's entry - 7:00 p.m. 1/2/06: Miriam has been up since 2:30 and feeling pretty well today. She's been able to sit on the couch and read and if she can read - she's happy. Yeah!**

This morning's entry: I'll warn you, up front, that there's not much humor to be had in today's journal entry (sorry, but some days are like that).

Okay, my friends, that "paying for playing" thing has gone a little too far ...

Miriam has been like Sleeping Beauty since we got home on Friday. She was barely awake three hours, on Saturday, and yesterday her open-eyed time wasn't much more. Today, it's 11:15 and she has yet to wake up. Actually, I wish it were as simple as being tired from having too much fun, but I'm afraid her pain level is increasing with each day and - of course - her sleep time is not quality. Hopefully, tomorrow, our beloved Dr. Soni is going to increase her pain medication because - right now - all I feel that I do is give her drugs, one after the other. Her anxiety level is high, at times, as well. As much as she can understand being with Jesus, there is no way a 14 year-old can fully understand the prospect of leaving her family - her mommy (her mommy can't fully understand her leaving either - as I've said many times, however, I've learned acceptance and not necessarily understanding in the last two years). I think that she is continuing to handle everything with her usual faith, grace and dignity - but each day is becoming increasingly difficult. We continue to search for humor in the strangest of places, but those places are becoming harder to find. We are in a sad place, right now, and there's no way around it. We pray (and cry) our way, through the difficulties, and we rejoice in every single moment that we find joy. Praise God for joy!

Please pray for Miriam's pain level. We have an outing to the movies planned, for tomorrow, with two of her dear friends and she so badly wants to go. I only see it happening, through the grace of God, because she hasn't been out of bed that long in several days. Please continue to pray for God's mercy and divine peace and comfort for Miriam. Please pray for Darian. It has been wonderful to have her and Vern home, but normally their exposure to the hard facts of what happens around here is limited to a few hours, in the evening, and being home for a longer period of time has been very emotionally exhausting to them both. Please pray for them to have strength and peace, as well. Please keep our dear Dr. Soni in your prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Saturday, December 31, 2005 6:53 AM CST

What's that old saying about "you play ... you pay!" Well, it's similar to living with cancer. Miriam woke up yesterday feeling better than she had in weeks (drugs are good). We made a brief run to Skyline and then we were off to the bookstore. We gave dad a break and didn't spend the expected million dollars. Quite frankly, Miriam's favorite authors can't write as fast as she can read. After the bookstore, she was bound and determine to go to Target (who doesn't love Target?) so off we went. We bought nothing interesting, unless you call Reynolds Wrap interesting ... but we do love Target! All told, we were gone for four hours and that was about two hours too much for Miriam's body. Pain set in and the evening was pretty rough. Miriam says it was worth it and it was nice to get out and go places where people don't wear white jackets, carry prescription pads and look at you like they know something you don't. (Trust me, we know way too much!)

Today, my beautiful little one is spending sometime with another beautiful little one (okay, so she's in her twenties) and I'm not sure what trouble they intend to find. Vern has to spend a few hours setting up equipment, for tonight, and then he'll be leaving again this evening to go toot his horn and sing. Miriam and I have decided that today is a good day for her to rest and read so our excitement level will be minimal! I'm going to try to finish my year-end work so that my husband doesn't fire me (by the way, can you fire someone you don't actually pay?)

Please pray for Miriam's pain level. That medicine man that we love is mulling over increasing her pain medication which will help, but it is a step that we were hoping to avoid for a little while. Please pray for her peace and comfort. Please pray for Darian to stay strong and be the blessing that she is. Please pray for Vern to get rest - you know there's a big difference between sleep and rest. Please pray for him to enter the new year with strength and joy. Please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who is a gift to us from God.

Here is my New Year's prayer for each of you: May the good Lord see fit to bless your homes with happiness and joy. May you each appreciate what you've already been given and never underestimate the value of a hug or a kind word. I pray for you to be blessed with health and strength. I pray that, if adversity should enter your lives, that you hold fast to the promises of God that He will not leave you and He is in control. God's future glory, for us, far outweighs any adversity here on earth ... eternal peace and joy (and hopefully a size 2 body!) I praise God for each of you who have hung in there with us and continue to lift our family up in your prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Saturday, December 31, 2005 6:53 AM CST

Friday, December 30, 2005 6:26 AM CST

I have to tell you a story. Vern came home last night and said that his office had received several calls, from business associates, asking where he was playing New Year's Eve so that they could come hear him play. He and Vicki (his right hand) couldn't figure out how people even knew he was playing somewhere on New Year's Eve. After allowing him to "mull over the coincidences in the universe" for several minutes, I finally said "you know, honey, I do kind of share some things about our lives with a few thousand people on the internet" ... then it dawned on him that the cosmic alignment of the stars was not to be credited with this mystic knowledge, by his business associates, but this web page. Although his "gig" New Year's Eve is a closed party at a country club in Prospect, I promise to post his next band date so you can all go and experience my husband blowing his horn and singing in a voice octaves above what his masculinity level would indicate!!! Praise God for people who care enough to keep checking on, and praying for, our family. (It was pretty tempting, however, to just let him continue to be puzzled ...)

We had a nice day yesterday. The girls relaxed. Miriam, of course, read most of the day. We could send someone on a trip around the world, for what we spend on books around here. Darian, having not fried her brain as of yet, continued to emerse herself in the videogame world. (She'll probably need treatment for withdrawal when Christmas break is over!!) I worked the better part of the day. You know, I've been working as little as possible for the last six months (maybe for two years), and our clients and business associates have been very gracious ... but when you reach December 31 every "t" has to be crossed and every "i" has to be dotted. (The federal government, and our accountant, are kind of funny that way!) I praise God, every day, that I moved my office home all those years ago. (It also helps that I can work in my pajamas in the middle of the night and I truly love my business partner!) We all took a break, for a few hours in the afternoon, when our buddy Kristin came to visit. Miriam defeated us all in a game of "Clue" (remember she possesses chemo-induced gameplaying superpowers!) and we had a nice afternoon.

Today, Vern is home with us and we're off to Skyline Chili. If Miriam feels like it, we're going to go to ... where else ... Books A' Million to see if we can spend that much!! Other than that, we have a pretty quiet weekend planned. I have once again managed to share more information that you probably could ever want to know, but if I've managed to make you smile ... it's been a good day.

Please focus prayers on the pain in Miriam's back. It comes and goes (mostly comes) and it makes her very uncomfortable. She doesn't want to increase her pain medication, yet, so she's working through some of the pain. Please pray for her peace and comfort. Please pray for Darian to continue to enjoy her break and to remain filled with joy. Please pray for Vern to get some rest and to stay focused (and to be safe out with all of the crazies on New Year's Eve). Please continue to pray for our dear Dr. Soni who never fails us.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 3:13 PM CST

Today has been an interesting day ... we don't seem to have any other kind.

Radiation, this morning, was as bad as it has been. Miriam hurt her neck and back getting positioned on the table and proceeded to scream through the first 2 minutes of her head treatment. Unfortunately, Darian was with us today, as well. Enough is enough. I told Sean to stop the treatment and we went in and got her off the table. We're finished with radiation. Dr. Silverman agreed (I have to tell you that it didn't really matter to me whether he agreed or not ... because we were finished anyway.) The next two days of treatment would have made very little difference and Miriam has endured too much in the last 26 days of treatment. We are now reconciling ourselves to the fact that active treatments are over and the cancer will continue to grow. I pray for God to be merciful and move more swiftly than the cancer, especially the cancer in her head.

After we left The Brown, we headed out to Stoneybrook to meet those crazy clinic nurses - Frances, Autumn (who brought along her sweet little tyke Parker), Donna and Kathy Bertelone (okay, so Kathy works at the hospital - but she's still pretty crazy!) Miriam was still in intense pain, but after enough pain medicine, she was at least able to endure sitting through the movie. "The Polar Express" was great on the IMAX screen and we all enjoyed it. Darian though it was really cool, but then she loves 3D movies (I think she has a thing for the ugly glasses that they make you wear!)

We're finally home and Miriam is resting. Darian's back on the videogames (ah, to be on Christmas break). Vern is still at work - someone has to work around here. Later he has band practice for the band's big "gig" on New Year's Eve.

Nothing else exciting is happening ... which is good because some days we have way too much excitement. Please continue to pray for Miriam's pain level - it just seems to increase and decrease and jump around her body at will. Please pray for her comfort and her peace. Please pray for Darian. Today was very tough on her, but she is so brave. She loves her Sissy and hates to see her in pain. Please pray for Vern. We have lived with the unknown, for so long, but it never gets easier. Please keep Dr. Soni in your prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005 9:43 PM CST

I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas and that each of you got the gifts you really wanted. I'll be honest ... it was a very difficult day for us. The girls did enjoy their gifts, but the one thing we really desire - seems to be beyond our reach (although we continue to pray daily for a miracle.) We were joyful in celebrating the birth of Jesus, but our emotions were a little too close to the surface so we were a little relieved when the day was over.

Darian has been in videogame heaven since Christmas day. She has played and played and played - but then, isn't that what Christmas break is for??? One day, I think she'll end up being "morphed" into the videogame and we'll lose her forever ... anyone remember the movie "Tron?" (Of course you don't - since I'm probably the only human being that ever saw it!) She has thoroughly been enjoying her school break. I made her practice her oboe today and you would have thought I had asked her to repave the driveway all by herself! Miriam received some astronomy "things" since her desire was to be an astronomy teacher. We hung one of the solar system mobiles in the bedroom. It's pretty cool. It lights up and the planets revolve around the sun. Of course, I felt the need to sing "Age of Aquarius" which just about sent Vern over the edge. That's like his least favorite song ... so if I ever want to get to him I just have to start singing it (or mention Florence Henderson, whom he just adores - NOT!)

Miriam had radiation treatment number 25 today and it went pretty well. We are so thankful to only have three left, but we do fully realize that this is the end of any active treatment for Miriam's cancer. She is experiencing a fair amount of pain in her right knee and her back seems to be giving her a run for her money. We're trying to hold off on increasing her pain medication because she sleeps a fair amount of time already.

Tomorrow we have a fun afternoon planned with a few of the nurses from the clinic. We're off to see "The Polar Bear Express" on the IMAX screen. I'm sure it will be a really fun afternoon. On Thursday, our buddy Kristin is coming over and there is always a lot of joy to be had when she's around. Friday, in thankfulness for our last day of radiation, we're allowing Vern to take us to Skyline Chili for lunch. (Aren't we nice?) Of course, all things are subject to change in accordance to Miriam's pain level ... so pray for her body to stay strong.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's pain. It seems like we get one pain conquered and a new one shows up in a difference place. Please pray for her to get rest and for her peace of mind. I'll not even bother to mention what it's like knowing that radiation is ending and there is still cancer growing in her body. The days are hard - emotionally and physically - so we just take one at a time. Please pray for Darian to enjoy the rest of her Christmas break and to take full advantage of having so much time with her Sissy. Please pray for Vern to get some much-needed rest and to enjoy his time as well. As always, please pray for our dear Dr. Soni who has some rough times ahead to see us through.

Praise God for eternal peace, joy and freedom from pain ... we're counting on them.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Saturday, December 24, 2005 9:14 AM CST

Merry Christmas to you all and may our good and faithful God bless your homes and families this holiday season.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Friday, December 23, 2005 8:47 PM CST

TWENTY-FOUR DOWN ... FOUR TO GO!!!

Here's a short one folks ...

Today's radiation treatment went very smoothly. We've stopped the amifostine shots (can I hear a Praise God?) because Miriam has taken them long enough to derive the benefits that the shots could provide. So, sans shot ... the treatment was much smoother! Miriam didn't take a nap today so we were able to fit in some quality chat time. (I know, we talk 24/7, but it will never be enough.) Darian went with Vern today, and why not when our clients treat her like royalty. They also sneaked in some Christmas shopping. When they came home, this afternoon, Darian was telling me what she bought Sissy and I asked her what she got me ... and she told me ... so much for surprises! Later, we visited with family and then we watched Christmas cartoons. I know, how old are we anyway??????

Please continue praying for Dr. Soni's "pain potpourri" to keep doing its thing ... so far ... so good. Please pray for Miriam's comfort and peace. Pray for Darian to thoroughly enjoy the holidays and her time at home. Please pray for Vern to relax and enjoy some time off (and not work too much during what is supposed to be relaxation time!) Please pray for God to give him added patience while being home with three crazy women over the next week! (He is our object of entertainment - whether we are laughing with him or at him - God love that man because we sure do.) Please pray for Dr. Soni's discernment as he continues to guide us (and for his patience, as well, since he puts up with us a lot too!)

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Thursday, December 22, 2005 12:55 AM CST

TWENTY-THREE DOWN ... FIVE TO GO!!

First, let me just say a big thank you to all of the people that have been sending us things - either by front porch delivery or by mail. I can assure you that everything will be put to good use. I am humbled by the generosity that people, some complete strangers yet prayer partners, have shown our family. We are blessed to have so many people checking on us and praying for us daily. Thank you. Thank you.

Well, we have two more days of radiation behind us. Yesterday's treatment went very smoothly and I thought - yeah, praise God! Miriam didn't even take an afternoon nap. Darian ended up coming home early from school, (it's an emotional time for us all) so we ended up spending the afternoon watching a movie together. Last night, a dear friend of ours came over to visit for a few hours and we had a lovely evening. Miriam was very tired, but as so often happens, as soon as she shuts her eyes her mind starts working overtime. Eventually she was able to get some rest.

I was praying for today to go as smoothly as yesterday, but alas ... it was not to be. We arrived at radiation at 9:30, but her medicine didn't get sent over from the pharmacy until 10:15 (wouldn't you think they'd go ahead and have the medicine ready ... but no ... they won't order it until we get there). By the time Miriam had her shot it was 10:20 and she had already sat about as long as she could - and the shot REALLY HURT today. Our friends Dana and Robyn took good care of us, during Miriam's treatment, but it was another tearful one and we were exhausted by the time we left. We picked Darian up from Vern's office and we all came home and collapsed. Miriam decided that a nap was definitely in order today. Later we're taking Darian to her oboe lesson and then tonight, I think I might force them to watch my favorite Christmas movie of all time "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" I love those little Who people. Besides it will save the girls from having to watch Vern's favorite, which is "A Christmas Story!" That movie makes me crazy (careful, I know what some of you are thinking!!)

Tomorrow, radiation again and then only four more (yippee!). We are looking forward to a beautiful, but bittersweet Christmas. We will joyfully celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and praise God for the birth of His son (just as I praise Him every day for the birth of my daughters).

Please continue to pray for Miriam's body to stay strong. She tires more easily, each day, and this is all so unbelievably difficult - mentally, physically, emotionally. Please pray for God to give her His divine peace and comfort. Please pray for Darian as she works through each day and the knowledge of what the future holds for her. Please pray for Vern to stay focused and to hold fast to God's promise of peace. As always, please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni. Between the fudge, cookies, pies and cakes ... I think I can hold off on the bon bons until the New Year!!!

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 11:06 AM CST

TWENTY ONE DOWN - SEVEN TO GO (and we have a three-day weekend thrown in!!!)

Well, "The Nutcracker" was beautiful and the girls came home with nutcrackers of their own. Towards the end, Miriam had one of her infamous hotflashes - so I wasn't sure we were going to make it ... but the curtain went down and we ran out into the cold winter air.

Sunday, Vern and Darian went to church and then we were all off to Darian's band concert. Actually Miriam and I sneaked in - right before the concert began and sneaked back out again - right after Darian's band was finished playing. Sometimes too many people coming up and saying too many things overwhelms Miriam (hey, sometimes it overwhelms me and I'm an old woman!) The rest of the afternoon, we just "lazed about" and finished up our evening by watching Carol Burnett (you know we love her) in "Once Upon A Mattress." We all slept like logs Sunday night. Miriam and I usually have three nights up and then the fourth night we crash. That seems to be our pattern.

After all of the excitement of the weekend, Miriam's body was slow to recover. We decided that was our last big weekend because she ached all over and was very tired come Monday Morning. We took off for radiation and she did great with her head radiation. Then the machine, deciding it had worked quite enough for one day, had to be shut down so she was unable to receive her chest radiation. We hurried home so that she could rest all of her aching parts and that she did ... sleep, sleep, sleep.

In the afternoon, our new friend Joel (he handles our season tickets) from the Bat's organization came by - for just a few minutes - with a couple of his friends from the Bats. They brought the girls a few things and Miriam loved her replica of Louisville Slugger Field. We love to go to the games (okay, so sometimes I read a book during the game - but I'm there for moral support), in the summer, and we weren't able to see one this last summer. Miriam had even bought a baseball bat cane to use this summer - that's how much she loves her Bats! Anyway, Joel is a sweetie and it was very nice of him to organize a brief visit.

Last night, I actually went out to dinner with my Servant's Team from Bible Study. Vern and the girls made it through the evening without major occurrences - so I'll count it a success! Miriam isn't really good about letting me out of her sight so daddy is fighting an uphill battle because he "doesn't do things the way mommy does!" Any other dad ever hear that before?????? Poor man ... but he hangs in there and he loves like no other daddy.

So, you know the routine. Please pray for Miriam's pain level. Dr. Soni's "pain pot pourri" is working great but she still has enough pain to make her uncomfortable a lot of the time. Please pray for Darian - tomorrow is the last day of school (YEAH!) and she is ready to be home with us for awhile. Please pray for Vern to have the attitude to work each day and to "daddy" each night. We're looking forward to having him home a bit during the holidays. As always, please pray for our dear Dr. Soni - heaven knows that man never knew what he was taking on when he came across us! Please pray for peace that only God can give.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Saturday, December 17, 2005 7:32 AM CST

Here goes on what we've been doing ...

Thursday's radiation was a slight bit better. Dr. Soni's "magic" pain potion seems to be doing the trick. (Yeah - Praise God! and a big, big thanks to our man Soni!) Miriam's pain is so much better that our days have been a little more normal. Thursday night, Miriam's best friend came over and gifted her with pearl earrings to match the necklace that Vern had given her. Tears were had by all - it was just one of those moments. Anyway, they had a great time and I love to hear them laugh together.

Friday we had a great radiation (I know you're thinking oxymoron - but as radiations go - it was great). Miriam woke up, in the morning, focused and determined to withstand the age-old torture device - the face mask - and she did just that! Our radiation friends, Dana, Robyn and Sean gave her a Christmas gift bag filled with candy and a beautiful Boyd's bear. Miriam didn't even take her usual afternoon nap. My best buddy came over for a few hours, but we behaved ourselves so nothing wild happened. Miriam's German teacher came over to bring her some things from school (report card, student of the month ... hey, I think she's student of the century!) Then, her marvelous flute teacher came by for a visit. It was an exhausting and emotional afternoon, for Miriam, but most things - these days - are both exhausting and emotional.

Last night, we all cuddled up (with lots of Tumbleweed queso for support) and watched "Sky High". Let me just tell you that the girls have a full appreciation for Kurt Russell (in jeans or his superhero uniform!) We all really enjoyed the film. It was cute ... it was silly ... there was love ... it had no point ... our kind of entertainment!!!

Today we're off to see "The Nutcracker". It will be our biggest event of the last month, so I am praying for Miriam to be able to sit in her wheelchair for that many hours. Tonight, a small family group is coming to carol for us with beautiful Christmas music. Tomorrow, another big day, capped off with Darian's rescheduled band concert.

That's about it for us. Please continue to pray for Miriam's pain medication to keep going strong. Please pray for Darian to finish out the semester "with bells on". Please pray for Vern to keep focused and stay strong. Please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who makes our days a little bit easier. Please pray for all of us as we live, each day for each moment. Pray for God's guidance and His peace.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 11:15 AM CST

Let's see if I can catch you up on the "goings on" since Monday ...

Yesterday, radiation was awful again. The pain in Miriam's left hip was very bad and she cried through the morning. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Enough said.

After we left radiation, we headed over to see our man Dr. Soni. Miriam was so upset, at first, that she even spoke to him (and we know that her love of him is usually handled in revered silence!) - actually she kind of yelled at him. Of course, once he sat down by her and held her hand (aren't we women suckers for a good looking guy with big brown eyes!) she was his again and he could do no wrong. He and I have decided to not go with the oral chemo drugs. They would have very little effect (all things considered) and it would just be more pills for her to swallow. He did prescribe some stronger pain medication and, as of this morning, it has made a huge difference already. Our whole goal is to keep her home and keep her comfortable. Praise God, again and again, for our wonderful Dr. Soni.

This morning went much better. Due to the new drugs, Miriam's pain level is more manageable. She also has regained a little of the feeling in her tongue and was able to eat some cereal this morning. We are hoping that more of the numbness goes away as the radiation progresses. She still can't chew much and the right side of her face is pretty numb all over. Right now, she's taking her afternoon nap. If she doesn't she might risk sleeping right through "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy" and we can't have that!!!

Other than that, things have been interesting. Every moment is hard and some are harder than others. We are spending as much time together as we can, but she is very tired of the pain - and even though she'd rather stay with us - she is ready to be with Jesus. I figure He's finishing up papering her new "room" with Orlando Bloom posters and then He'll call her home.

Please pray for peace and freedom from pain. I think that covers it all.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Monday, December 12, 2005 9:52 PM CST

I wish I had something unbelievably exciting to tell you, and yet ... no - nothing exciting!

Sunday was pretty much like Saturday. Miriam spent the day in bed and I worked on my "company stuff" (boy, do I have a taskmaster for a boss!) Darian and Vern went to church and then out-to-lunch with Vern's folks. They had come to town, to see Miriam, but she didn't feel like company. She got quite a bit of rest, on Sunday, but it is never enough.

This morning, her blood pressure was fine and she was able to receive her amifostine injection. Her left hip had her crying before the radiation even started and, by the time they moved on to the head radiation and locked her head down to the table - let's just say things got ugly. I was able to see pictures from the head CT, taken the other day, and the progress of the cancer took my breath away. God has been very merciful in allowing her eyesight to be unaffected by this new tumor. As usual, she got off the radiation table - as fast as she could (which isn't saying much) and we raced out of the building at top-wheelchair speed and back into the safety of our home. Miriam headed to bed and took a very long, much-needed nap. We did find out today, that although they are administering the head radiation at higher doses, in order to have her take less treatments - she will still not end her head radiation until January 6 (her chest radiation ends December 30).

In the late afternoon, a very dear friend of ours (the girls' past first-grade teacher), came for a visit with her little ones and that kept Miriam awake and very happy for a little while. Then, it was off to sleepy land again. Her pain has increased each day, so she prefers to sleep through a lot of it (and who can blame her?)

Tomorrow, we have radiation and then we're off to the clinic to see that man that we love, Dr. Soni, who is going to change her pain medication. I'm telling you people, AGAIN, that God gave us Dr. Soni as a gift. After we leave the clinic, I'm sure it will be nap time again.

See - I told you nothing exciting to report! (You probably didn't believe me, did you?)

Please pray for Miriam's pain to decrease. I'm not even going to list any other prayer requests today (although there are many) because she truly needs less pain - so please focus on that (we'll cover the snow later).

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian
THINK LESS PAIN - THEN SNOW.

Saturday, December 10, 2005 11:16 AM CST

It doesn't look like we'll make it to Joe's Crab Shack today. Miriam woke up in extreme pain and now, at nearly 12:30, I have finally been able to get her comfortable enough to get some rest. Please pray for her pain level to decrease. She says that the pain is worse than she's ever had before and (trust me, folks) that says it all! Of course, knowing my unbelievably strong and courageous girl, she may wake up later ready for an hour or two of action!!

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian
THINK LESS PAIN ... THEN SNOW.

Friday, December 9, 2005 8:31 PM CST

14 DOWN AND 14 TO GO!!! WE'RE HALFWAY THERE.

Well folks, we have successfully snowed out one day of school. You people are really praying, aren't you?? Remember, we would love snow every day ... but focus on Christmas.

Vern stayed home and took us to radiation today. Darian came along and an exciting time was had by all. Miriam's blood pressure was too low to receive her amifostine shot today, so we are on the verge of deciding to stop the shots altogether. Her radiation treatment today went well, thanks to our friends Robyn and Dana. After radiation, we headed home and Darian made snow angels. (There was barely enough snow, but she was diligent in her mission!) Miriam rested and watched "Pride & Prejudice" AGAIN (it's an all time fav for us). Our buddy, Kristin, came over for several hours - this afternoon - and we really enjoyed our visit with her.

In the early evening, Darian took off - with her friend Jamie - for a girls night out at church and they aren't coming home till midnight. Supposedly, they are going to get up and work on a project, tomorrow morning, but we'll see if their brains are even functioning. Natalie and Whitney came over to have some fun with Miriam and I heard lots of giggling. Then, in an attempt to humiliate us (although Vern and I have long ago given up even pretending that we have pride) they challenged us to a game of Celebrity Taboo. We had a lot of fun and I think we showed them just who knew what!!

Tomorrow, we're off to church and then Miriam has been wanting to try out Joe's Crab Shack so we're heading there for lunch. We'll be sure to give you our review.

Please pray for Miriam's pain to decrease. Her head has really begun to hurt, so we are thankful that the new radiation is to begin on Monday. Please also pray for her to be strong as we still have so many things that we want to do. Please pray for Darian to have lots of fun with her Sissy and for her to be encouraged by their time together. Please pray for Vern to have peace and strength. Please pray for dear Dr. Soni to continue to love and guide us through the next few months.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian
THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW

Thursday, December 8, 2005 7:45 PM CST

Do you think that we ought to warn people about the "snow thing" we've got going ... or do you just think we ought to let them see December unfold - for themselves????? I tend to not want to warn them!!!

This morning was a rough one. Miriam wakes up, every morning, in quite a bit of pain. Anyway, some tears and two pain pills later (I even let Miriam have some medicine - ha ha), we called Vern home to take us to radiation. Miriam needed the extra support that only a dad can offer, and he got to experience what radiation is like for us. (Isn't he the lucky one???) After he brought us home, he left for the office. Schools were dismissed two hours early, so I picked Darian up at 12:20 and she had a nice long day at home. Other than that, things were pretty quiet (praise God). Of course, we watched our usual "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy." Darian's band concert was cancelled, due to the school closing early, so we didn't get the pleasure of hearing her lovely music. We are certainly hoping that they reschedule.

Tomorrow, another full day. I'm sure we'll have to do a little maneuvering around a two-hour delay or maybe (if Darian gets really lucky) a school closing. Either way, at the end of the day, we'll be half-way finished with radiation.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's strength. She is becoming more and more tired, whether from the emotional stress, the radiation, or a combination of the two. Please pray for Darian to stay brave and strong. The girls are such a blessing to eachother. Please pray for Vern as he tries to run a business and still be home with us as much as he can. Please pray for Dr. Soni as he continues to support, encourage and be there for us.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian
THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW

Wednesday, December 7, 2005 10:58 AM CST

Hey folks, if you haven't been keeping up - you need to go to the journal entry dated December 2 and keep reading until you're with us again ... the rest of you ... here we go.

Last night, Vern and Miriam had a wonderful time. I'm not sure what they did, while Darian and I were gone, but the house was still standing, no Christmas presents were unwrapped and they both had smiles on their faces ... so whatever they did - they must have hidden it well!!

This morning, of course, Miriam woke up in her usual pain. I "drugged" her, but not as thoroughly as yesterday so I think she might actually remember what she did today! (ha ha) I'm actually thinking about making her share her drugs - where is the parents' program when you need it??? We arrived at The Brown and today was her day to see Dr. Silverman before her treatment. Her blood pressure has been running a bit low, due to the amifostine injections, so they were trying to tell her to drink gatorade and sports drinks (you might as well try to get her to eat mud - it isn't happening!) So, we're going to increase her milk intake and see if that helps. Dr. Silverman is tentatively planning on beginning radiation, on the orbital lesion, on Monday and he intends to finish the treatments at the same time that she finishes her other treatments. We're just trying to make her comfortable. He is also planning on using the tomotheraphy machine for the orbital lesion, which means she doesn't have to leave her friend Shaun (and his many helpers) and meet more new people. You know she isn't into that, either! She received her injection and it REALLY hurt today, so I ended up giving her a pill to help her relax and then she was comfortable (more lucid than yesterday - praise God - but comfortable enough). I'm telling you people - parents' program ... parents' program!!!

Right now, she's taking her usual afternoon nap and, in awhile, we'll go pick up Darian from school and we will try to refrain from stirring up any trouble. Trouble just seems to find us!

We have a pretty busy rest of the week. Of course, Miriam has radiation each morning (after Friday, we'll be halfway there). Darian's band concert is tomorrow night and she has plans every night through Sunday. Miriam has friends coming over Friday which will be great for her. Vern and I have found that, if I meet him in the garage after work, we actually get five seconds for just the two of us.

Please keep praying for Miriam. She truly hates the shots, before radiation, and they actually seem to be hurting her more instead of less. Please pray for her pain to decrease and for God to give her peace. She is such an example of acceptance, trust and faith. Please pray for Darian. We're having a lot of hard discussions, right now, and she is so brave. Please pray for Vern. His needs are many as he struggles with the future in his heart. As always, pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who has faithfully and lovingly treated our family and continues to only do what's best for Miriam.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian
THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW

Tuesday, December 6, 2005 12:17 AM CST

For those of you who haven't checked in for awhile - you might want to check out the journal entries dated December 2 and December 5. For the rest of you ... let's move on.

Okay people - nice practice run - but I said white CHRISTMAS!!!! Now we know the prayers for snow will work because we thoroughly enjoyed today. Miriam caught snowflakes on her tongue and scooted it into a pile, with her shoe, to make it look like there was a big amount instead of just a trace. Now, focus people - focus - SNOW ON DECEMBER 25!! It's okay to have some snow now, but no road problems - remember I have to drive to Louisville every morning and wheel Miriam around in the cold. (Trust me, they don't make heated wheelchairs!!)

Last night, Vern brought home jewelry for the girls. He bought Darian a beautiful silver locket so that she can carry pictures close to her heart and he brought Miriam a beautiful strand of pearls (something she's always wanted, but originally we were holding out for her 16th birthday). The girls were thrilled (what woman isn't when she sees a jewelry box???) Just so you'll know, Miriam is the only patient ever to receive radiation while wearing a Lord of the Rings sweatshirt and a beautiful strand of cultured pearls!!

This morning went well, although it is a blur for Miriam. Dr. Soni prescribed a drug to relax Miriam during the upcoming "face mask" radiation. So, (to practice and see what the drug would do) for the first time today I gave her that drug in addition to her pain medication that she takes before radiation. Let me tell you, I now know the perfect "cocktail" for total amnesia!!! She fell asleep in the car on the way to the cancer center, came in and out of reality and didn't truly wake up until we were home again. We even went to the clinic, for counts, and we chatted with our beloved Dr. Soni but she barely even remembers seeing him. Dr. Soni suggested we cut back on the pain medication or he might even cut her other medicine in half because the goal is to have her comfortable not in a stupor. He and I might have had a chuckle or two, at Miriam's expense, because let's just say she makes a hilarious "drunk!!"

Right now, Darian and Miriam are making a construction paper chain to hang on the tree (always building memories). I, unfortunately, have work to attend to or Vern really is going to buy back my part of the company and put me out on the street!! Later, I'm taking Darian to dance while Vern and Miriam stay home and have some time. I'm just praying they stay out of trouble because Vern alone is dangerous and, with Miriam's encouragement, who knows what will happen!!!!

That's it for us today. Please pray for radiation tomorrow to go well and for them to begin radiation, on the orbital lesion, soon. Please pray for Miriam to continue to stay strong (have I mentioned that she is amazing!). Please pray for Darian to continue to be the beautiful little girl she is and the best little sister anyone could ever have. Please pray for Vern to focus on all of the positive and to just enjoy every minute. Please pray for dear Dr. Soni because we don't know what we'd do without him.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian
THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW, THINK SNOW

Monday, December 5, 2005 3:35 PM CST

I'd love to tell you that we had a wonderful weekend - and it was wonderful because we were still all together - but surreal is probably the best description.

Miriam did get a very big surprise on Saturday. She received a package from her Aunt Janice in Michigan and in it was another package (I know - so far it sounds like some kind of joke, doesn't it??). Anyway, the smaller package contained a timeturner necklace, from the Harry Potter movies. Is your curiosity killing you yet??? The necklace was a gift from none other that JK Rowling and also enclosed was a personal note from Ms. Rowling herself!!! It gave Miriam a very good reason to smile for a little while. (Okay people, if you are totally out of the loop - JK Rowling is the author of the Harry Potter books - with me now??) Obviously we owe Aunt Janice a big thank you for writing letters to JK Rowling on Miriam's behalf.

This morning, we had our radiation appointment. Dr. Soni spoke with Dr. Silverman and Miriam is going to receive radiation to the new tumor in her "orbital area" (think eyeglass area). So, this morning, she had her regular radiation treatment and then her "headpiece" was made for when her new radiation begins. It was not pleasant - enough said.

After radiation, Miriam and I met with our dear Dr. Soni. Miriam is now in the palliative stage of cancer (a word I've always hated since it means "we're going to make you comfortable until you die). I must admit that it isn't anything I ever expected to discuss about my child. Anyway, we will finish out this current course of radiation, including the orbital area, to make Miriam more comfortable because its growth will result in a lot of pain for her. After we finish this course of radiation, she will only receive radiation for tumors that lessen her quality of life. Any tumors that don't bother her will go untreated. Dr. Soni is also considering putting her on an oral chemotherapy drug, that I can administer at home, in the hopes of slowing down the rate at which the cancer is spreading. He has chosen an oral drug because a home health care agency would be required to administer IV chemotherapy drugs and I have always taken care of Miriam's medical needs at home and we do not intend to have strangers come in now.

We had planned to take a trip. Miriam has always wanted to see Europe - but leaving the country is now out of the question. Then we thought we might go to Disney World (originally we'd planned to go Spring Break), but Dr. Soni says that whatever we want to do needs to be done in January. Indicative, again, of just how fast things are going to move for us. Right now, so many things are racing through our minds that we are making no plans.

Miriam is hoping for a white Christmas since this will be her last. If I could, I'd make the snow myself! So - please pray for snow on Christmas day - PLEASE! (This may not be one of the most important things I have ever asked you to pray about - but it's important to our family!) How bittersweet this Christmas will be.

Please continue to pray for Miriam. She and I have had discussions, over the last two years, and made arrangements that no mother and child should ever have to make. She is unbelievably brave and I continue to praise God for her strength and her faith. Please pray for Darian. These last two years have been so difficult and yet she knows her most difficult days are yet to come. Please pray for Vern. I can't even tell you everything he needs. He is such a loving, wonderful father and his heart is broken. As always, pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who is one of the most exceptional men I have ever met and who continues, in every way he can, to be available to us and to meet Miriam's needs and wishes.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Friday, December 2, 2005 8:50 PM CST

At first, I was going to wait a few days to update about our new developments. Then, however, I realized that we would be missing a whole weekend of specific prayers - for our needs - and I am never one to miss an opportunity for prayer.

Miriam has had a swelling, in her jaw, for several weeks. After checking it on Tuesday, Dr. Soni felt that a CT was needed since we are at the stage where Miriam's cancer could be anywhere. Praise God (and a diligent Dr. Soni) for getting the CT scheduled for yesterday afternoon. As you know, from yesterday's journal entry, it was a VERY LONG day. Radiation ran really late, Miriam was totally stressed out about the CT, and we found out last night that cultures - drawn from her lines on Tuesday - were growing (not a good thing). One of the other doctors called to tell us about the line issue and wanted us to come to the hospital, last night, for repeat cultures and antibiotics. I told the doctor that Miriam felt great and I was able to persuade her to allow us to hold off until this morning.

So, this morning we went back to the clinic to have repeat cultures performed. There are no other signs of infection so the thinking is that a contaminate made its way into the test and gave a false reading. We are praying for the repeat cultures to test negative. Anyway, after radiation today, we had to go to the OMO for a course of IV antibiotics.

During our time, at the OMO, I spoke to our dear Dr. Soni - who once again had the painful task of telling me that the spot in Miriam's jaw is indeed cancer. He feels that the cancer has permeated Miriam's bloodstream and new lesions will begin showing up everywhere (which was his expectation when the last three lesions were diagnosed and supported by the fact that the cancer has now appeared in four spots in the last six weeks). We have some difficult discussions and decisions ahead of us, but all things considered, it is not expected that Miriam will be with us for a very long length of time.

Please pray for Miriam to stay strong and for her body to continue to fight. She is handling this new information with the same grace and faith that she has handled the last two years. Please pray for Darian. She seems to be coming out of her "tummy bug" but she does not have her energy or strength back and her emotions are raw. Please pray for Vern to stay focused and try to stay positive. Please pray for our beloved Dr. Soni who continues to be a blessing to us each and every day.

Always believing - God is good and God is faithful
We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Thursday, December 1, 2005 5:13 PM CST

EIGHT DOWN - TWENTY TO GO!!

Okay guys, this has happened maybe two or three times throughout the two years - I can find no humor in anything that has happened in the last 24 hours. Who wants to read the yucky truth about cancer, so I'll just share that it has been a true cancer kind of day and we're praying for tomorrow to be different and hopefully I'll find humor to share with you.

Please pray for Darian, who has been home from school with a severe tummy bug. Please pray for her body to heal, her fever to go away and her energy to return. Please pray for Miriam to stay strong, not give way to anxiety and fight, fight, fight. Please pray for Vern to just keep going each day and do what needs to be done. Please pray for our dear Dr. Soni as he struggles through each day with us.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

SEVEN DOWN - TWENTY-ONE TO GO (again, who's counting?)

Today was rather uneventful for us. (yeah - praise God). Miriam had a good night's sleep and was pretty perky when she woke up this morning. We arrived at The Brown (would that it were the hotel and not the cancer center) at our usual time of 9:30. She received her shot and it was our day to see Dr. Silverman. Everything is going along fine and, of course, we are still on target to finish on December 30. Dr. Silverman did confirm that PNET/Ewing's does usually respond well to radiation - so we are praying that Miriam will finally do something "by the book." After her treatment, we ran by Kohl's for a few minutes. Now come on, they were having a 50% off sweater sale and we are girls!!! (Again, Vern is not hurt by what he does not know.)

Of course, once fatigue sets in - it's here to stay. Miriam took a nap this afternoon and I worked (which was long overdue). My boss would probably fire me, but he can't divorce me and he certainly doesn't want to induce a hostile takeover!! Vern had band practice, for his New Year's Eve gig so we girls had the evening to ourselves.

The girls went to bed like the angels that they are but no one around here stays asleep for very long so we've had an adventurous night so far.

Please pray for Miriam to continue to handle radiation well and to stay strong and fight. Each day is proving to last a lifetime (which in some ways is really good and in some ways is really bad). Please pray for Darian to be happy and not let the stress of all the cancer "yuck" get to her. Please pray for Vern to get rest and stay positive. Please pray for Dr. Silverman to have wisdom in his treatment of Miriam. As always, please pray for dear Dr. Soni to have discernment and strength as he guides our way.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005 1:50 PM CST

SIX DOWN, TWENTY-TWO TO GO .......

Yesterday - good day. Today - eh ...

We were supposed to have a counts appointment, this morning, at 8:00. So, like two good little girls (okay, one little girl - one old woman) we got up early and headed off to our appointment. Right as we were coming down the ramp and preparing to turn onto First Street, Miriam said her tummy felt really bad. Well, I won't tell the whole story - but let's just say I was cleaning out the car again!! We headed home, called the clinic and said we'd be by - after radiation - and Miriam rested for a few minutes. At 9:00 we left for radiation and Miriam felt fine. She got her shot and had her treatment and at 10:45 we were at the clinic. It was great to see everyone since it's been almost two months since our last visit. We were having quite the laughfest until, once again, Miriam's stomach decided it didn't feel as well as the rest of her. Thankfully, Nurse Frances quickly hooked up a bag of Zofran and within minutes Miriam felt much better. We've now decided that the side-effect of nausea (from her amifostine injections) has set-in so Miriam is going to be taking Zofran until her radiation treatments are over. Her calcium level was a little low, but Dr. Soni decided it wasn't low enough for us to go to the OMO (once again, we love Dr. Soni)! Finally, at 12:15 we were on our way home. It was a long morning, but we were truly glad to be able to see all of our friends that we hadn't seen in awhile.

Miriam has spent the better part of the day in bed resting. She is even going to play the "queen" and have her geometry lesson while lounging in bed. She feels much better now, but she is still very tired. We're going to try to make the movies Thursday, but we'll see how it goes between now and then.

Darian has dance tonight, on her way to becoming the next prima ballerina and Vern has praise team practice, at church, so Miriam and I will be left on our own. She's too tired to get into too much trouble, but I'm sure we can manage a little mischief.

Please pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and her spirit to fight, fight, fight!!! Please pray for Darian to hang in there until Christmas. Please pray for Vern to hang in there as well. Pray for wisdom for Dr. Silverman and as always, wisdom, strength and discernment for our dear Dr. Soni.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Monday, November 28, 2005 2:35 PM CST

FIVE DOWN ... TWENTY-THREE TO GO (but who's counting????)

Okay, we had a momentous occasion today (makes you wonder, doesn't it) ... Miriam didn't cry at radiation (praise God). Now to you, that may not be such a big deal - but to mommy - BIG DEAL!!! I think she is finally getting used to the machine and the routine. Her pain was even less when her treatment was over. Her arms fell asleep, but her hips hung in there! It was such a positive morning that we were able to go to Kohl's immediately after. We have a wedding to attend, this weekend, and new clothes were needed all the way around. (This is one of those things where "what Vern doesn't know - won't hurt him!") Thank you all for your prayers for Miriam to not be as anxious about radiation.

Tonight, we're just hanging out. I'm baking brownies to take to the clinic tomorrow. Miriam has a counts appointment at 8:00 just to check her CBC, B&P, calcium, PB&J and BLT (on rye, hold the mayo)!! Then, we're off to treatment number 6. We found out today that Miriam will only have CT's on MWF so our treatments on Tuesdays and Thursdays will take less time (at least that's the theory). So, if all goes well tomorrow, I told her I'd take her to the movies.

Please keep praying for the radiation days to go quickly (I realize that will make your pre-Christmas shopping time fly by - but we need "quick time" right now). Please pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and for the lesions to respond to radiation. Please pray for Darian to enjoy her last few weeks of school before Christmas and to be a happy 12 year-old. Please pray for Vern to stay motivated and get rest. Please pray for Dr. Silverman as he treats Miriam and, as always, pray for our dear Dr. Soni to hang in there and get us through this mess.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Saturday, November 26, 2005 9:14 AM CST

I know it seems like forever since you've heard from us. My only explanation is that, if I've found out anything, it's when radiation is going on - not a whole lot else is happening.

We now have four days of radiation behind us. Our new friends, at The Brown Cancer Center, take very good care of us - but Miriam HATES radiation. The radiation doesn't hurt, but by the time she lays on the table for the pre-radiation CT and then for the radiation, itself, her shoulders and hips are causing her extreme pain. Plus, no Dr. Blue Eyes and no dear Dr. Soni, so where is her pleasure when she really needs it????? She also has to have an injection, 30 minutes prior to radiation, and the medicine REALLY hurts. She says it's worse than any of the other injections. On top of that, they won't let me give it to her and that doesn't make her too happy. I have found out one really strange thing about my daughter, however - she LOVES little old cute men. We haven't encountered any other children, during treatment, but every little old man Miriam sees she goes "ohhh, isn't he cute." Now, all of you out there need to realize that when I tell her that older men are great (due to the wonderful example of her father) I'm really not encouraging her to jump straight to the geriatric set!!! Fortunately, most of the little old men are safe because they are accompanied by little old women to guard them!

We haven't been back to see Harry Potter, again, because Miriam is very tired each day so we've just been taking it easy. We've had a nice Thanksgiving holiday. It's always great when Vern and Darian are home to help entertain us. We do have plans to go to the movies a time or two, this week, if everything works out.

Other than that, it's been relatively quiet around our house. I haven't moved any furniture, so Vern isn't bearing any injuries (right now) and I haven't had the opportunity to Christmas shop (much!) so his wallet is also holding out, as well!!! Darian has been enjoying her extra days home, but is looking very forward to Christmas break. Miriam is still making me help her solve all of the problems of the world, in the middle of the night, and we're actually getting pretty good at it! The cure to children's cancer still eludes us, but we'll never give up the fight.

Please pray for Miriam, during this next week of radiation, as it is something she dreads and we still have 24 treatments to go. Please pray for her to stay strong and continue to fight and to not give in to fear or anxiety. Please pray for Darian to be happy and make it through the home stretch, at school, until the Christmas holidays. Please pray for Vern to keep motivated and positive and continue to be the wonderful husband/father that he is. Please pray for Dr. Silverman and our dear Dr. Soni as they continue to do what is best for Miriam's treatment.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005 3:41 PM CST

We want to wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving. We hope that you all have a beautiful day with your families. I'll update the details about our first week of radiation - later. We praise God for every day.

Please pray for the radiation to get rid of the lesions. Please pray for Miriam's body to stay strong, Darian to keep being Darian, Vern to get rest and stay motivated and Dr. Soni to keep us going.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Saturday, November 19, 2005 3:47 PM CST

Hello

I went to see the best movie of the year yesterday. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!!! We really enjoyed the movie. Unfortunately, looking up that long made my neck hurt and I was unable to see A Christmas Carol. I was not too happy about that because, as my mom has probably mentioned, one of my really really good friends is in it. Taylor. The good thing is that I did get to see it last weekend, so I at least got to see it once. It was really good and I was really disappointed that I didn't get to see it. I just want Taylor to know that he did really well as Fred!!!

We went to the Santa's Depot today, and bought some new Christmas decorations. My dad is finishing putting up the lights right now. We are going to start radiation on Monday thanks to Dr. Soni.

Please pray for my family to continue to be strong and stay that way.

God is good and God is faithful.

Miriam

Friday, November 18, 2005 6:20 AM CST

UPDATE: I just received a call from Dr. Silverman's office and, through God's mighty hand and some fast-talking by Dr. Soni, Dr. Silverman is beginning our radiation treatments Monday. Praise God!!! She'll have a treatment Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday of next week. Pray, Pray, Pray for minimal side-effects.

Harry Potter today! Harry Potter today! Harry Potter today! Miriam kept saying she wanted to be in the theatre today instead of the hospital (she did it the hard way - but she did it!!!!) I'll make sure that Miriam writes the next entry so she can give you her review of the movie.

Pray for radiation to begin on the 28th. Pray for Miriam's cancer not to spread, for Darian to stay happy, for Vern to get rest and stay positive and for Dr. Soni as he keeps guiding us through all the yuck.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Friday, November 18, 2005 6:20 AM CST

Harry Potter today! Harry Potter today! Harry Potter today! Miriam kept saying she wanted to be in the theatre today instead of the hospital (she did it the hard way - but she did it!!!!) I'll make sure that Miriam writes the next entry so she can give you her review of the movie.

Pray for radiation to begin on the 28th. Pray for Miriam's cancer not to spread, for Darian to stay happy, for Vern to get rest and stay positive and for Dr. Soni as he keeps guiding us through all the yuck.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005 9:56 PM CST

Okay, for those of you out there wondering ... I received a call today telling me that they were not going to begin Miriam's radiation treatments until November 28th. We have been given dates, postponed, given new dates, and postponed some more. Dr. Soni is checking in to the "why", but since radiation is out of his control, I doubt any change will take place. It has now been long enough that Miriam's spot in her chest is beginning to cause her pain. She has been taking pain medicine, off and on, for the last few days. Unfortunately, the pain will only increase until the radiation treatments begin to shrink the lesion. Please pray that her pain stay at a minimal level until treatments can begin. Now that's enough "yuck" for the day ... let's move on.

We had our 3 month check-up with Dr. Blue Eyes today. Before we actually saw him (well, we saw him walk by and said hello) we were sent down to get x-rays of Miriam's pelvic area, hip and femur. Miriam decided to walk in to see him today (instead of riding) so, by the time we went here to there, x-ray and back again, she walked the most she has ever walked since surgery. Finally, we were taken back to a room and watched - of course - "I Love Lucy" until "HE" arrived. In he came, in his suit (next to jeans - Miriam's personal fav - perhaps only surpassed by the sight of him in scrubs). He reviewed Miriam's x-rays (you could say he knows her inside and out!!) and pronounced that all was well. She has healed to the point that she is free to do whatever her body tells her she can do. So, she has been experimenting with one crutch and we've been looking online for fashionable canes. You know that a girl has to have canes to match different moods and outfits. Who knew there were so many on the market???

When we left charming Dr. Blue Eyes, we headed over to The Christmas Store to see what we could find. Miriam had really been looking forward to going, but after walking here, there and everywhere for her doctor's appointment - she was too exhausted to enjoy anything so we quickly headed home. We intend to go back when that is our only destination.

Tomorrow, I've promised her a trip to SkyLine Chili again (can she not get enough of this stuff??) and I've promised to take her to the library. Yeah - dad can actually save money by us checking out books instead of buying them. (Of course, our return visit to The Christmas Store will probably take care of that!) Darian has an oboe lesson and then we're all off to Derby Dinner to see the Christmas show. (All of this activity will probably result in Miriam sleeping until time for Harry Potter, on Friday!!!)

Please pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and for her spirit to keeping fighting. It is hard not to become anxious when you know that the cancer is growing while awaiting treatment. Please pray for Darian to keep doing well in school and stay happy. Please pray for Vern to not be anxious about the delays in treatment (let's just say he was not a happy dad today when he got word about the new date to begin). As always, please pray for our dear Dr. Soni (who was almost as unhappy as dad) as he continues to take care of our beautiful baby girl with his usual love and care.

God is good and God is faithful.
We love you all.

Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Monday, November 14, 2005 3:07 PM CST

Okay, I promise Miriam will update next ... but right now she's watching a movie, with Natalie, and I wanted to let you all know what was going on. She says "hi" and she'll update you all later.

We had a wonderful weekend. Vern hung up Christmas lights (I know we're early, but we need a little Christmas ... right this very minute ... (ever seen the musical "Mame"?))

Saturday - big news - Vern went to the theatre and bought our tickets for "Harry Potter" for this Friday!!! Miriam is so excited! Sunday we went to church and then we parted company. Miriam, Darian and Vern went to see "A Christmas Carol" at Floyd Central High School. Several of Miriam's friends were involved in the musical. I went to a wedding shower, with some of my friends, and then we met back around 5:30. Vern's folks were in for a few hours, so we visited for awhile. We relaxed, in the evening, because it had been a very busy weekend.

Today, everyone went where they were supposed to ... in the beginning. At around 10:00, I got a call from Darian saying she didn't feel well. I picked her up and brought her home ... her illness ... needing to be with her mom and her sister. She's much better now. This is all very difficult on her, and sometimes you just need to be together. Now, they are watching a movie and I'm updating (I know you will anxiously await Miriam's next entry.)

Originally, we were supposed to begin radiation today ... then tomorrow. Now it seems that the earliest we will begin is the end of this week and it could be the beginning of next week. The tomography machine has been broken, now it's going through quality testing, then they have to play catch-up with everyone else before they can get to us. We are praying against the anxiety that wants to set in because of the delays. Each delay allows the cancer to grow more and perhaps spread.

Please pray for us to stay strong and continue to fight against any negative thoughts that might want to slip in. Please pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and fight. Please pray for Darian to not let all the "junk" get to her and live her happy life. Please pray for Vern - he is tired and he is anxious. As always, pray for our man Dr. Soni as he continues to help us through this never-ending process.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Friday, November 11, 2005 8:26 AM CST

NOTE FROM MOM: The tomography machine is broken and they are waiting on a part (I thought that only happened with cars???) Anyway, it looks like radiation won't start until Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. Pray - Miriam, Darian, Vern and our beloved Dr. Soni. Now, enjoy my daughter ...

THIS WEBPAGE IS ONCE AGAIN BEING UPDATED BY MIRIAM.

Hey
I figured you all were just dying to get another insight into the glamorous and fabulous life of the Eswine family, so here I am. Not a lot has happened since I last updated. Mrs. Moss was supposed to come for German, but she didn't feel well. So she rescheduled for today, but she was still sick so she didn't come today either.

Mr. Mo came yesterday, and I am hoping to get to do some labs after school soon!! Amy King is supposed to come today at 1:00 because she has a day off of school.

I have a funny story to tell you. My dad, who says that he absolutely cannot stand Mr. Whiskers, has a soft spot after all. Mr. Whiskers has this toy, Mr. Monkey, that he absolutely adores, I mean, REALLY ADORES. My mom tried to throw it out once because it had all of its stitches ripped out, an ear was gone, and half of the stuffing had fallen out around the house. So my mom threw it out. Well, Mr. Whiskers didn't like that, apparently, because he dug it out of the trash. Anyway, back to the story, so my dad is in his bedroom with the monkey, a needle, and some thread. He sewed up the ear spot and the ripped back, then he handed it to my mom and asked if it felt different. When she said yes, he admitted that he had put some extra stuffing in its butt!! :-) My dad says that he doesn't love Mr. Whiskers, but he cuddles and loves and plays with that dog all the time. He loves him no matter what he says.

Mr. Little came on Wednesday and said that my last two book reports could be movies!!! On Monday my mom is going to go and pick up Natalie from school and she is going to come over so that we can watch a movie and then comment on it. That is going to be a lot of fun, as well as my fourth book report. For my fifth book report I hope he will let me do Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. (7 more days, not that anyone's counting)

Angel still needs carrying up the stairs and like I said before, if he doesn't get what he wants he lets us know that he didn't get what he wanted.

Next Friday, Harry Potter comes out and my mom and I are going to go see it the first showing. We are also taking Darian and Natalie out of school to go see it with us.

My dad is putting up Christmas lights today!!! (Saturday)

Well I just wanted to let you all know that we were doing okey dokey. God is good and God is faithfull.

Miriam

Wednesday, November 9, 2005 11:38 AM CST

UPDATE FROM MOM 11/11/05: Haven't you enjoyed this update from Miriam. She says she's going to update a lot more often - yeah!! I feel fine. Let me just say that it is only the second time, in 15 years of marriage, that I've said I didn't feel well ... so the family might just over-react. The flag was flying at half-mast, the funeral arrangements were being made and the house was operating at DEFCON 4!!! All that because I'm a premenopausal woman - think what I could do if I were queen!!!!!

THIS WEBPAGE IS BEING UPDATED BY MIRIAM.

Hi ya'll. We haven't really done anything since last Thursday. I went to Natalie's birthday party on Friday. Elain Elliot, Ashley Ems, Whitney Koopman,Robyn Turner, Katey Frieberger, and Dakota were all there. I had a really good time.

On Saturday, Darian went to her friend's birthday party. It ended up being her party too. Everyone there had gotten her presents too. She was really excited. We didn't do anything on Monday and on Tuesday Mr. Little was supposed to come, but, BIG SHOCKER, my mom was the one who didn't feel well, so he didn't come.

Today, my mom feels better, but not perfect, so my dad stayed home just in case I would need anything. Mrs. Moss is coming this afternoon for German, and Mr. Mo is coming tomorrow.

Harry Potter comes out in nine days now. I couldn't be more excited.

For those of you who don't already know that my family is insane, here is some proof. We have already started to decorate for Christmas. Not Thanksgiving-Christmas. Crazy huh?
We took the dogs to the vet on Saturday because they needed their shots done. Also Whiskers had some curious spots on his legs which the doctor said was just an allergy. Angel had been literally sitting at the bottom of the steps waiting for someone to carry him upstairs. He even rode the chair lift one day. I think he expected us to bow down and say, "All hail King Angel". When we didn't he just hopped down. The vet said that he probably had some arthritis in his back. My mom is considering getting doggy steps for him. I think in the end we will be bowing down and hailing him. Oh Well. What we dog lovers do for our pets.
Well as my mom would say God is good and God is faithful. Thank you for your prayers.

Love to all
Miriam

Thursday, November 3, 2005 4:31 PM CST

Before I begin the "official" entry of the day, I have to throw a great big THANK YOU out to those crazy ladies at the Wal-mart Branch of Taylor County Bank in Campbellsville, Kentucky. Last evening, in addition to sending gifts home for the girls, they sent a bag of bon bons to me!!! What a hoot!! Now I actually have a supply of bon bons to see me through. Thank you ladies.

Now, down to business. Yesterday, we had a relatively slow day. We just hung around the house and rested (well, one of us got to rest ... not to name any names ... but her name was MIRIAM!) She did have a biology lesson with Mr. Mo, so her whole day wasn't relaxation. Darian went to school and had her usual "banner" day of fun with her friends. Vern, of course, was down in Campbellsville, with his client, picking up my bon bons!

Today we had our second appointment with Dr. Silverman. They formed Miriam's cast. It really isn't a cast. It's more like foam insulation in a blue bag sealed with duct tape (yes, I do mean duct tape ... amazing how many new uses for duct tape we've found in the last two years!) Anyway, Miriam has a couple of markings on her to line her up properly with the tomotherapy machine. That is the God-sent machine that will enable them to radiate Miriam's sternum with little affect on her heart. After all of the lining-up and coloring on her body, we headed over to meet our new friend, Shaun, who will be taking care of the actual radiation. He was very nice and allowed me to fit her on to his schedule, now, so that we could hold a 10:00 time slot. This will enable her to have her treatment, come home and rest, and feel like having school in the afternoon. (Not to mention the fact that our afternoons will remain free for plenty of movie going!) It will also allow me to continue to pick Darian up from school every day. We work really hard to keep things normal (ha ha) and picking up the girls, from school, has been a ten year pleasure for me.

We hurried home and met Vern and Darian. Vern left for a business event, and Miriam and I took Darian to her oboe lesson (only one block from The Brown Cancer Center and three blocks from Kosiar) so for us - it felt like we were just there. Things are now quiet again and we are thankful.

It now will take 7-10 days of planning before Miriam's radiation treatments can begin. So, she could begin late next week and Dr. Silverman promised it would be no later than November 14. We are holding him to that date, because if she begins on the 14th, her last treatment will be on December 23 - the Friday before Christmas. We don't want to have to go back, after Christmas, for treatments. Besides, I figure she'll "glow" by then and I'll need her to be one of the lawn ornaments outside during the Christmas holidays!

Please pray for no new cancer lesions to appear before, during, or after radiation. This is a very real concern for us and we need your prayer. Please pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and continue to fight. Please pray for Darian to continue to be Darian - a unique little girl with a wonderful outlook on life! Please pray for Vern to be blessed with rest, energy, and the desire to work (how else can we possibly shop?) As always, please pray for our dear Dr. Soni. Me, I've got the bon bons (literally!)

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.
Donna, Vern, Miriam and Darian

Tuesday, November 1, 2005 3:39 PM CST

Don't forget, if you're checking our site today, to leave Darian a Happy 12th Birthday wish!

We met with Dr. Silverman this morning. He is a very nice man and he really made an effort to relate to Miriam. All in all, here's how Miriam's radiation will work. This Thursday, we have an appointment to have a pre-radiation CT and a cast made. The cast is so that Miriam will lay the same exact way during each radiation treatment. It isn't a cast that she wears, it is merely a cast that she lays in during treatment. After our appointment on Thursday, it will be at least another week before her radiation treatments can begin. Dr. Silverman feels that treatments will begin no earlier than November 14. Miriam will undergo a total of 28 radiation treatments. Before each treatment, she will have a CT to make sure that they are radiating the exact locations of the lesions. If she begins on November 14, her last day of radiation will be Friday, December 23. It looks like we'll be having a pretty busy time of it. The good thing is that Dr. Silverman says that the radiation alone (since her chemo treatments are finished), should not affect her counts. That means, if she feels well enough, at least our non cancer-related activities can be relatively normal (just what is the definition of "normal"?). The greatest risk, with radiation, is the occurrence of secondary cancers - which with all of the chemo Miriam has had - is already a pretty big risk.

It is still within the realm of possibility that we could get Miriam cancer free and perhaps perform a transplant using a donor. This is not the likely scenario, but God is the manager of all things and He doesn't care what is likely or unlikely. This is how we are praying.

Please pray for Dr. Soni, as he works each day to do what is best for Miriam and her treatment. Please pray for Darian to stay happy and enjoy each day. Please pray for Vern to stay positive and get lots of rest. Please pray for Miriam to stay strong, focused and fight, fight, fight. I'm just hoping that I don't run out of bon bons before this is over!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, November 1st

Happy Birthday Darian - November 1st - 12 years old!!!!!

Pray for our meeting, with Dr. Silverman, at 10:00. I spoke with Dr. Soni, yesterday, and Miriam's most recent tests confirmed her new lesions. Things continue to not look good for us. Today, however, please focus on praying for Darian to have a fantastic birthday - because it isn't easy with all of the "yuck" going on and she is a beautiful, special, wonderful, loving little girl who deserves to have a very special day. Pray for Miriam to stay strong. Her body is so very tired and we need it to continue to fight. Pray for our dear Dr. Soni as he continues to treat Miriam with love and care.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, October 28, 2005 7:23 PM CDT

Well, let's see if I can tell you what we've been doing and make it sound far more exciting than it truly is ...

Wednesday, I confess, we did nothing but rest. Miriam has not been sleeping well at night so Wednesday she rested in my bed - all day. She even had her biology lesson, with Mr. Mo, while reclining away on her stack of pillows.

Yesterday morning, we reported to Kosair at 9:50. Outpatient registration was packed. Usually we go register with our friend, Michelle, on 7. Yesterday, however, she was waiting on us because she was working at MRI2 - so, as soon as we arrived, she walked over to MRI2 with us and then we chatted for quite awhile as we waited for Miriam's MRI to begin. Finally, Brad and Angel (our buddies in MRI) put her on the table (somehow that makes her sound like a roast turkey), plugged in her Harry Potter CD and the MRI began. Weirdo that she is, she loves the MRI machine because it vibrates and relaxes her (kind of like putting a quarter in the old-style motel beds - does that speak to my age, or what??). Anyway, by 1:00 we were finished and headed off to spend a few minutes at Target - of course! We bought nothing of importance, but Miriam likes to get out and wheel around in Target. We picked up Darian, from school, and arrived home just in time for Mr. Little to come and begin Miriam's geometry lesson. Darian and I left for her oboe lesson (comfortably knowing that Dr. Soni was at his conference and wouldn't be calling me with bad news - like he did last week). After oboe, we chilled for the evening.

Today, we had to be at The Brown Cancer Center at 7:00. Of course, the woman who registers patients decided to not come in until almost 7:10 (so it seems she got the extra 10 minutes of sleep we so longed for). Again, last night, we were solving problems in the middle of the night. By now, every problem should be solved. Anyway, they took another patient before us and the PET scan camera quit working for quite awhile (if a test uses the acronym PET - I think it should involve our dogs). Miriam even made me take a drink of the contrast just so I could sympathize, with her, about how AWFUL it tasted. She is a taskmaster! Finally, at 12:15, we were on the road home. Where did we head ... DQ, of course. Our buddy, Nurse Kristin, came over for a few hours and even went with me to pick up Darian because Darian was so worried she wouldn't get to see her. Later, I went to the store in an effort to prevent my family from starving (and to give my "personal shopper" and dear buddy, Jamie, a break). Tonight, we're chilling, snuggling and ganging up on Vern at every opportunity (how does he endure it??)

Tomorrow, we just plan on taking it easy, having our usual big breakfast and then seeing what mischief we can come up with (it will probably once again involve ganging up on Vern, but at least he knows the routine!)

Sunday, we're off to church and then we're meeting Kristin at the movies. I'm going to try to persuade Miriam to not make us see "Elizabethtown" for the third Sunday in a row. Maybe she'll let us go see "Zorro" because she's pretty fond of Antonio Bandares. You know, of course, he's a distant fourth behind her beloved Dr. Soni, Dr. Blue Eyes and Orlando!

Well, that's about it for us. Please continue to pray for Miriam to stay positive and for her body to stay strong and fight, fight, fight. Please pray for Darian to just stay Darian. She is very excited about her birthday, this Tuesday, but - with everything right now - there's a little cloud tinging her excitement. Please pray for Vern to stay positive and focused. Pray for him to get rest. Please pray for Dr. Soni's safe travel home from the conference and pray for God to continue to bless him as he guides our family through this labrynth called cancer. Me - it's all about the bon bons!!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 2:09 PM CDT

We went to the best beginning band concert - EVER - last night. It starred (well, I guess there were other children involved) Ms. Darian Eswine on the oboe! She looked lovely, she played lovely and she had a great time. Miriam was able to visit with Phil Thomas, whom she loves dearly. Praise God - we didn't eat ANY Skyline Chili yesterday!!!

Miriam slept the entire day, leading up to the concert, because the events of Monday really wiped her out. Now, what does a person do if she sleeps all day??? I'll tell you ... she stays awake all night! I was first called, out of my slumber, at around 1:15 and finally was set free to return to sleep at around 4:30. In that time, I'm pretty sure that we solved all of the problems of the world (for everyone) but, alas, we were unable to find a cure to children's cancer. We're still working on that one.

Here are the upcoming events (kind of makes it sound like we're a theatre - or something!)on our schedule: Tomorrow we register at 9:50 for a 10:40 chest MRI. On Friday, much to Miriam's dismay, we have to register at The Brown Cancer Center at 7:00 for a 7:30 PET scan. Both of these tests are being performed to give the doctors a more accurate assessment of Miriam's new lesions. Next Tuesday, we have our appointment with Dr. Silverman (the radiologist) so that he can discuss his plans with Miriam. He and Dr. Soni are at a conference, this week, so I'm sure they'll have a rough plan worked out - when they get home (adjusted to fit the results of her tests this week). That's where we stand for now.

Please continue to pray for Dr. Soni and Dr. Silverman as they are working diligently to figure out the best plan for Miriam - overall. As always, pray for safe travel, for Dr. Soni, and for God's wisdom as he helps our family work through all of this "yuck". Please pray for Vern. I cannot begin to tell you how hard it is for him to leave to go to work, each day, when he'd much rather be home with us. Please pray for Darian. She is so strong and so brave and she blesses us daily. Please pray for Miriam to continue to stay strong and fight, fight, fight.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, October 24, 2005 5:15 PM CDT

Let's see - where do I begin:

First, we had a very nice day in Indianapolis - on Friday. The Lord of the Rings exhibit was everything that Miriam wanted it to be. I thought that Darian was going to jump into the display with Viggo Mortensen's costume and never let go!! When we left, we headed straight back to Louisville so that Miriam could dine on the wonderful fare offered at Skyline Chili. When we got home, we decided that it had been long enough since sleeping in our own beds. So ... in a fit of sheer brilliance ... my loving husband decided that we could "chair lift" Miriam up the stairs - manually!! We put her in a "chair" and "lifted" her up the stairs. She closed her eyes the whole way - what does that say about her trust factor?????? (Of course, she is familiar with her dad's driving.)

Saturday, we slept late (for some of us - later than others), then we picked up Natalie and went to see "Flightplan." Vern was on the praise team, at church, so he missed our adventure. The movie was suspenseful and we girls really enjoyed it. After the movie, we continued to play the exciting game of "Lord of the Rings" monopoly that we began the night before.

Sunday, we got up and went to church. After that, we were off to see "Elizabethtown" AGAIN! That makes two Sundays in a row and I have a bad feeling we might be going, again, next Sunday. Then - we continued our monopoloy game. How long does it take to finish one game????

This morning, of course, was Miriam's biopsy. We arrived at the hospital at 10:00 and at 11:50 she was "under" and they were ready to begin. Praise God for Dr. Soni, yet again, and all of his extra efforts to make sure that things get done. By 1:00, Miriam was back with us, but we had to wait around for two hours so that she could have a chest x-ray to rule out pneumothorax (sounds like something Dr. Seuss would write about, doesn't it??). Anyway, all was well, she was grumpy and tired, Dr. Soni was tired, we were tired, and finally we were on our way. Where did we go - you ask???? SKYLINE CHILI - again!! Then, off to the bookstore to spend more of dad's money.

We really have no plan right now. Dr. Soni is "thinking" as he likes to put it. He's off to a conference, for a few days, so he should have plenty of "think" time and the radiologist who will be involved in Miriam's treatment will be with him - so Miriam will probably be a hot topic of conversation.

Please pray for Dr. Soni, as always, as he continues to try to provide Miriam with the best treatment and care. Please pray for Vern as he is having a rough time with this latest development (okay, I admit, it's not easy on any of us!). Pray for God to continue to provide him with strength and endurance and the guidance that he needs to lead our family. Please pray for Darian - THIS IS TOUGH - and she is being so strong. Please pray for Miriam. She is so very tired, but she is continuing to fight an incredible battle.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, October 20, 2005 8:38 PM CDT

Dear Friends - I can find no humor in what I must tell you. I received a phone call from Dr. Soni, this afternoon, informing me that Miriam's pre-transplant CT scans revealed three new cancerous lesions in Miriam's body. She now has one in her right lung and two on her sternum. The transplant has been cancelled. She has a lung biopsy, on Monday, to confirm what he already knows is cancer.

He will be treating the three lesions, with radiation. He and I spent a long time today discussing the situation and the possibilities of things to come - things do not look good for us. Unfortunately, this is the pattern of PNET/Ewing's - it just keeps coming until it gets you.

Please pray for us as we adjust to this news. We will be going to Indianapolis tomorrow, as planned, and we will be moving forward - each day - as we have for the last two years - with lots of prayer and God to guide us. Please pray for Dr. Soni as he continues to help us work through this unbelievably sad development. We are praying for a miracle.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 9:52 PM CDT

Today ... more tests ... more transplant talk. Enough of that ... aren't you guys tired of hearing it???

We got a great bit of news today. There is a new experimental drug that helps to fight mucositis. Dr. Soni mentioned it to me, last week, and I researched it and read the clinical trials. It is FDA approved and, although it was deemed unlikely, we received word today that our insurance will cover it. It may or may not make a difference with Miriam's expected mucositis, but it is worth a shot. The downside is that we have to go to the OMO this Saturday and Sunday to receive it through her central line. She has to have it Monday, as well, but we were already scheduled to be at the OMO for her antibiotic and pre-transplant physical.

We ran into Dr. Blue Eyes today (not literally, although I am a danger with Miriam's wheelchair) who promised to come see her in transplant. They key, although he doesn't realize it, is for Miriam to "see him!" I'm telling you that she swoons EVERY time he walks away. Vern and I have decided that he probably could have operated, without anesthesia, because she could have just fainted from the vapors (isn't that a quaint old word?) Between our beloved Dr. Soni and Dr. Blue Eyes, she is a very happy girl (all things considered!) Hey, if she has to go through this painful ordeal, why not throw a little decoration into the mix???? Besides, I get to harrass the doctors (shocking that I would do that, right?), Vern and I get to tease Miriam, Miriam gets to be treated by two men she adores and the doctors get to feel good - it's really a win/win situation when you think about it ... something for everybody!

Please continue to pray for Miriam to stay strong. We have a very long 4-6 weeks ahead of us and we need your prayers. Pray for our family as we face being separated for a very long time - something which we are dreading and hoping will go quickly by. Pray for Darian to stay strong with Miriam and me gone - a kiss on the phone is just not the same thing - for either of us. Pray for my beloved husband, who wants to be everywhere for everybody. Pray for him because he actually thinks he's going to miss me madly (I know, even with all I do to him - can you believe it??)

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, October 17, 2005 3:58 PM CDT

We had a GREAT Sunday. We all slept late Sunday (by late, I mean 8:00) and snuggled in my bed (which is just a less-than-full-size aerobed on the floor of our living room). It was the first time that all six of us (including our two furry members) had been able to snuggle in a long time. Then, we went to see Orlando, Orlando, Orlando in his new movie. The critics really panned it, but of course, we thought it was wonderful! It was right up our alley - sweet, sentimental, sappy, quirky and it made us smile. Last night, we took another walk around the block and the weather was beautiful.

Today, we arrived at the hospital at 8:00. Miriam had her GFR and bone scan injection and our lovely friends in nuclear medicine called and made arrangments to shuffle a few of our other tests so that our day was a little more organized and Miriam was able to eat sooner. Our nuc med buddy, Monica, had a gift for Miriam. She gave her an Orlando calendar and a wonderful photograph of him that a friend had taken at the recent premiere in Louisville. After the bone scan injection, Miriam had her abdominal ultrasound and her chest x-ray. She was allowed to eat, after her ultrasound, and then her bone scan was at 11:00. She had her pulmonary function test at 12:00, and then the lovely ladies of radiology fit in her pelvic ultrasound today, as well. It was previously scheduled for Wednesday, because for today's ultrasounds she was not able to eat or drink and for her pelvic CT she had to eat and drink. They worked it out that we could do both today, so that saves us a test on Wednesday. She also had her pulmonary function test. We were able to leave in time to pick up Darian and then Miriam was able to have a geometry lesson today (she was just thrilled!!).

Tomorrow, we have to be at the hospital at 7:30. She has a CT of the sinuses, chest, abdomen and pelvis (she gets to drink dye and she is already so excited!!). Then she has a heart echo and EKG, followed by the completion of her IQ tests. She also has to "make a blood donation" at the OMO for the usual blood tests. We should end our day around 3:00 and we will be very relieved.

On Wednesday, she has a hearing test at 9:00 and then NOTHING more at the hospital, because we fit it in today. We plan on doing some shopping after we leave the hospital. She needs a new coat and a few sweaters and we certainly won't be shopping, for awhile, after transplant. She has German and Flute Wednesday afternoon, followed by an eye exam. Thursday morning she has a dentist appointment and that about does it. Throw in an oil change, lube job and having her tires rotated and I think she'll be good to go for another 50,000 miles!! After all, she's already had several factory parts replaced with new models!!

Please pray for all of these tests to go smoothly. Everyone today worked very hard to fit things in, keep her comfortable and shorten our day. She stayed really strong today and only had a few moments where we had to "shore up our defenses". Please pray for Darian to enjoy her week at school. Pray for Vern to get rest and stay motivated. As always, pray for Dr. Soni as he prepares to guide us through the transplant process. Me, you know I sure am going to miss those bon bons and soap operas - during transplant!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Saturday, October 15, 2005 3:09 PM CDT

Praise God that we finished the harvest today! The original goal wasn't met, but they got enough. Miriam's line was taken out, before we left, and we are happy to actually be home before 5:00!!!

Tonight, we're going to take a walk and enjoy the beautiful weather and tomorrow we are going to try to cram in some significant family time before we begin our succession of tests on Monday.

Thanks for all of your prayers regarding the harvest. They have lifted us up and kept us going. Now we're ready to taken a deep breath and finish this thing!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, October 14, 2005 9:08 PM CDT

Harvested again today. Volume still low, but we're getting there. Harvesting tomorrow beginning at 7:45 and maybe again Sunday. Pre-transplant tests all day Monday, Tuesday and half of Wednesday. OMO for pre-transplant antibiotic on the 24th. Transplant admission on the 26th. How's this for my shortest entry ever???? Very tired. I'll be more prolific later.

We're doing fine - got our second wind. Pray for good volume and lots of quality family time and rest this weekend. As always, pray for Dr. Soni.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, October 13, 2005 9:16 PM CDT

Another long one - home at 6:00. The harvest is not going well - as far as volume. They only collected .29 yesterday and .53 today. Their original goal was 8 million so at 82,000 we're not even close. Miriam can only be pheresed, a certain number of days, so we're having discussions tomorrow. PLEASE focus prayers on volume, volume, volume. I'm hoping the decision will be made to try one more day and see what happens and I'm praying that we can pray those numbers up, up, up!

That's all. Too tired to be witty today.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 9:33 PM CDT

My dear friends,

I think that I won't be writing too many short entries, for awhile, because our lives right now are just too "exciting."

We arrived at the OMO, this morning, at the appointed hour and Miriam's blood was drawn. Vern helped us in, brought us the all-important caffeine from McDonald's - necessary to begin our day, and then went off to earn our keep in the world. Fortunately, today her blood didn't take a tour of Louisville and ended up exactly where it needed to be. We found out, relatively quickly, that her counts had indeed risen - but we still had to wait on the CD34 results. Finally, word came - she was ready for pheresis. Now, here's where it gets a bit tricky. Remember, Miriam doesn't do anything the easy way and nothing the "textbook" way. By 12:10, Miriam was hooked up to the blood-sucking machine and ready to go. For almost three hours, we had constant beeps, warnings and "access pressure low" readings - in human speak that means that we were less than one-third finished with pheresing, for the day, when we should have been close to wrapping things up. Once again, her apheresis lines took control and decided that today was not the day for them to work. We moved her this way, that way, up, down, sideways and eventually realized that no movement would work. Miriam was drowsy for the first few hours so she wasn't too upset. Our dear Dr. Soni came by, but she was asleep and didn't even realize that he'd checked on her. However, once the benadryl wore off, she began to fear another surgery and, worse yet, that the second harvest would be called off completely. By 3:30, Miriam had been hooked up to the machine for 3 hours and 10 minutes. Children can only be hooked up, to the machine, for limited time in one given day - so we were running out of time.

Finally, Nurse Renate decided to try some "clot-busting" medicine (you know, the stuff we lived on during her original diagnosis) in the lines and we waited. Miriam was becoming very distressed, so I made two "911" calls. I paged Dr. Soni and said Miriam needs you, whatever you're doing, please come! (Again - can you see why this man means so much to our family?) The second was to my dear loving man, who was in Campbellsville, to say "drop whatever you're doing and get here quick. We need you." Dr. Soni came a short while later and Miriam was very quickly calmed by his assuring demeanor. The ironic thing is that he spent most of the time speaking with her about the horrible side-effects coming her way from her transplant chemo and she just nodded, smiled and in her quiet way - assured him that she'd continue to fight. After our hour of "Soni-therapy", dear dad arrived and took on the challenge of helping to keep us entertained until we got to come home. It ended up that we were released at 7:45.

We get to go back and do it all over again. We should be finishing earlier tomorrow, but then Miriam has a pre-transplant doctor's appointment with a specialist at 2:30. She actually had two other tests scheduled, for tomorrow, but they are being rescheduled for sometime between now and Tuesday - along with all the other tests currently scheduled.

She also began her testing, with the psych department, today. They do pre-transplant tests regarding intelligence, learning and congnitive abilities and then they repeat the tests nine months to one year, after transplant, to see if anything was "damaged" by transplant chemo, etc. Her original appointment, for testing, was Friday from 10-1, but does anyone realize who comes out in a movie on Friday? Anyone??? That other man that Miriam adores (third in line behind her number one guy Dr. Soni and Dr. Blue Eyes) - Orlando! So, in an effort to get to the movies, Jessica (our new psych friend - and no she hasn't declared me crazy - yet!) came today to begin Miriam's testing. The bad thing is, the smarter you are - the longer the testing process takes. Therefore, Jessica said there was no way she could finish with Miriam's testing in just a few hours so it looks like the tests will be fit in here and there until completion. I told Miriam that if she would just play dumb she'd be finished a lot quicker. She didn't seem to think that was a good idea, so I gave up trying to get her to say that 2 2 was 5 and stare off into space during testing!!!!

Anway, I think that about covers our day. We got home close to 8:00 and tried to fit in an hour of family time before we all parted company and tried to get sleep.

Please pray for the harvest to go well tomorrow and for everything to fall into place so that I can get Miriam to the movies Friday afternoon. Also, please pray that all of the testing can be completed by mid-next week, at the latest, so that we can have off until the 26th to be a family in preparation for our long separation. We make a pretty good unit of four and these separations are not easy on us. Please pray for Darian as she is very tired and worries so much about her much loved Sissy. Pray for Vern as he continues to focus on work, while truly wanting to be with us every day. Please pray, as always, for God to continue to bless Dr. Soni with wisdom and discernment in making the decisions regarding Miriam's treatment. Me - you know it's all about those soap operas and bon bons!!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 9:38 PM CDT

THE LINE IS IN! God had everything perfectly timed!
We got to the OMO at 7:30. Miriam's blood was drawn and sent to the lab at 7:50. By 9:30, we still had heard nothing. Now, this is a test that they perform at the clinic in 5 minutes! It turns out that Miriam's tube (it's like the tube they use at the drive-through banking window) had been "misdirected" (don't you just love medical terms - that means LOST) Our nurse played Sherlock Holmes and finally located that valuable blood. It turns out that her wbc was 1.06, her HgB was 9.5, but here platelets were down to 40 (they needed to be 50 for surgery). So, praise God that the nurse yesterday had the forethought to reserve platelets for her, since hers are hard to acquire. Vern ran over for a few minutes, because this was one of those mornings where we needed a distraction. Miriam had not eaten since 5:30 last night and she needed to keep her mind off of food. As soon as she had her benadryl "hit", he took off because she was in lala land.

She finished her platelets and, upon recount, they had gone up to 73 - good enough for surgery. Vern came back over at 1:45 so that he would be there when they took her away. As soon as he came in, we found out that her surgery had been pushed back to 3:45. That turned out to be a blessing. Outpatient surgery came to get her at 3:30 and when we got upstairs to preop, the anesthesiologist gave Miriam her blessed drugs. She was a very happy camper. Dr. Foley dropped by to say he was glad we had finally made it and that he was definitely going for the left groin, since the insertion was successful before. Dr. Blue Eyes happened to have a
surgery, around the same time, so he came by. This is where the biggest blessing of the day came in. Dr. Blue Eyes went in during Miriam's surgery, supervised her movement, during surgery, to avoid injury to her right
leg and checked out everything he's been wanting to check out post-surgery on her right leg. Then, he went off to do his thing in another operating room. Dr. Foley finished the insertion, slipped a few more stitches in her other central line (because they keep coming out) and came out to give us the good news. He is such a nice man. He was able to put in a temporary apheresis line which hangs down the front of her upper leg instead of "down and then
back up" her pelvic area. It bugs her when she walks, but because it is just temporary it is only held in by a few stitches. The line removal only requires clipping the stitches and pulling it out - done in the room with no anesthesia which eliminates another surgery this week!!! Yeah - thank you God for Dr. Foley.

We went up to 7W to wait for her. I paged our man Dr. Soni to say the words he has been waiting to hear - "it's in!" She came into the room wide awake. Nurse Leslie said that it was amazing in recovery. She said that one minute Miriam was sound asleep and the next minute she was wide awake asking to see me and for food (I think, by now, the food might have outranked me). As she was wheeled into our room on 7W, she was alternating between "mommy", "I'm hungry" and "I'm thirsty." She polished off a coke and chicken selects in no time. Anyway, her lines were hooked up to fluids. As always, they have to run 2-4 hours of fluids through the new lines before we can go home. Praise God the decision was made that 2 hours were adequate. We were all starving. Miriam polished off the better part of a 9 oz. sirloin, order of mushrooms and a side salad from Logan's and finally
uttered the words "I think I'm full." Dr. Blue Eyes came by to say "hey" and Miriam wouldn't even stop chewing to speak. She would nod and smile, but she wasn't putting down her fork for anything. He said that when he checked everything, during surgery, her incision had healed better than he ever could have hoped. He walked out of the room and she said "man, he looks good in pink!" Do we have a
normal teenager, or what???? Pray for her appetite to continue. Her weight is down a bit and needs to go back up before transplant. Of course, she has spent the better part of the last week not eating in preparation for possible surgery each day.

We got home around 8:45. Darian was very glad to see us. My friend Kay had picked her up from school and then she tag-teamed my friend Jamie who took her home and fed her, helped her with her homework, and then took her back to our house to wait for us.

It was been an extremely exhausting day, but we are very grateful that it is over and she has a functioning apheresis cath for harvest. We have to be at the OMO at 8:00 and they are planning on her counts being adequate for harvesting.

Please pray for a good harvest and for our strength to multiply. Please pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and resist infection. Pray for Darian to continue doing well in school and keep her love of everything! Please pray for Vern to get rest and gain strength each day. Please pray for Dr. Soni as each day he works toward trying to keep Miriam cancer free forever! Praise God for Dr. Foley and Dr. Buecker - yet again - for being fantastic doctors and compassionate men.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, October 10, 2005 12:06 AM CDT

We're getting there - slowly but surely - but we're getting there. Miriam received platelets today so she got in a nice nap. I worked and was visited by all "transplant related" people, given more forms to fill out and a more extensive schedule of tests.

The plan is for us to go to the OMO tomorrow at 7:30, have counts and a CD34 (the magic stem cell test); most likely receive platelets; have her line inserted; and maybe or maybe not begin harvesting tomorrow afternoon. If not, the harvest should begin Wednesday.

Please keep praying and I'll keep you posted.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, October 9, 2005 10:09 AM CDT

Ah, yet again - rejected! Miriam's counts have risen, but not enough. Her platelets have dropped, but we were told to go to the OMO tomorrow and they'll have platelets for us. The morning was not a total waste, however, as Dr. Blue Eyes happened to be on the floor and dropped by to check in on Miriam. He thinks she looks great and is doing wonderfully well. Which is good, because she thought he looked "great" too! The whole time he was talking with us, I was biting my tongue not to laugh because I knew Miriam wasn't listening to a word he said. If you can remember back a year or so ago, she about went "mad" one Saturday when her beloved Dr. Soni was dressed in jeans!! Well, today Dr. Blue Eyes had on jeans and a chambray shirt and she was lost to anything "medical" after that. I called and told Vern that we were coming home and he asked how Miriam was doing. I said, "well, Dr. Blue Eyes came in and had on jeans ... need I say more?" No explanation was needed. Hey, if things like this give her entertainment ... I'll buy Dr. Soni and Dr. Buecker a lifetime supply of blue jeans!!!!

Tomorrow, at 7:30, we're back at the OMO. I really feel like her line surgery will be tomorrow or Tuesday, but who knows???? Only God.

Keep the prayers coming.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Saturday, October 8, 2005 9:19 AM CDT

Dealt the swift blow of rejection, yet again! Miriam's counts have not decided to rise yet, but with her shots and her body, when they do - watch out! We're to go back tomorrow at 7:30, so I'll keep you posted.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, October 7, 2005 8:33 PM CDT

How much wood can a woodchuck, chuck .... or is it how many times can our plans be changed???? I forget!

Here are our new "marching orders" (we won't really be marching - more like propping our eyes open and going forward). We are to report to the hospital, tomorrow at 6:30, to register for Miriam's central line procedure which will undoubtedly not take place tomorrow. We have to register in the ER, so Vern is taking care of the registration while I wheel Miriam up to 7W for counts. She is on the surgery schedule for tomorrow, Sunday and Monday - so we will have to report at the same time, same place until her surgery actually occurs. Suzanne, at Dr. Foley's office, says she has never encountered a situation where she was asked to schedule a surgery time, three days in a row, for the same patient. I reminded her that Miriam doesn't do anything the "textbook" way. Of course, I did spend quite a bit of my time, this week, maneuvering to make sure the central line would be in place in time for the harvest. However, I'm pretty sure that surgery won't be tomorrow. Her counts today were very much like yesterday's: wbc .3, ANC 0 - but her hemoglobin was 10.4 and her platelets registered in at a whopping 55 (Glory to God for increasing these two numbers)!! I think her surgery will be Sunday, at the earliest, with it most likely being Monday. By then, between the 4:00 a.m. shots and the 5:30 wake-up calls, we will probably all try to lay down on the guerney - just to take a nap!! (A nap is exactly what we intend to take when we get home tomorrow).

I did receive our schedule for testing and procedures and we have something, every day, from now until October 18 - most of them full days at Kosair. Please pray for our strength. The idea is to get everything accomplished, by the 18th, so that Miriam can have a full week "off" before she begins her transplant journey. We are praying for this, and ask you to join us in this prayer.

Thanks to our friends who are mowing our lawn and feeding us for the next few weeks. Now if we could just find someone to sleep for us - we'd have it made!!! We love you all and are so grateful that you are continuing to support us on this journey. God continues to carry us through (and some days, I do mean carry).

Please pray for a successful line insertion (won't you be happy when you read that it's in and we can quit praying for this one thing???) Please pray that God continues to bless Miriam with health (we always say she's the picture of health, if not for this "little" cancer thing we've got going) and that He continue to protect her body from infection. Please pray for Darian, as she continues to enjoy her life and prepares for her big 12th birthday. We're working on the plans for her party now because Miriam and I will be "in the pokey" on her actual birthday. Please pray for Vern as he is very tired and has so much to do to carry us through. Pray for God to keep Dr. Soni strong and diligent in his course for Miriam. Me - I'm working my way back to bon bons and soap operas!!! (It may take me a few days because it's been a long week!)

God is good and God is faithful (and we are thankful).

We love you all.

Thursday, October 6, 2005 4:35 PM CDT

Okay, I am tired of letting you know when the line insertion is because it seems to be changing on a daily basis. We have had quite a week. Miriam is doing GREAT, but I've been challenged this week, in many ways to make sure we are where we need to be with her treatment. Praise God - again - for Dr. Soni.

We spent the day at the OMO receiving platelets and blood. She slept and I worked and we just got home at 5:00. We're very tired because we've begun her double shots so, of course, we were up this morning at 4:00.

Tomorrow we go to the clinic at 8:00, for counts, and then probably back to the OMO for more platelets. Saturday, we are to go to the OMO, for counts, at 7:30 a.m. Sunday, we go to 7W, at 7:30 a.m. for counts, because the OMO is closed. If her counts indicate an ANC approaching 500, her line insertion will be scheduled. Dr. Foley is on call, this weekend, so he's ready to go when we are. We will be going every day, for counts, until her CD34 (stem cell count) is high enough to begin pheresing (stem cell harvesting).

Please continue to pray for the line insertion (whenever it happens) and pray for the process to go smoothly. Please pray for us all as we are very tired because each day, this week, has been a long one. As always, pray for our beloved Dr. Soni as he works diligently to guide us through this process.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, October 5, 2005 8:49 AM CDT

Okay, here's the update. Miriam's surgery has now been scheduled for Friday. Praise God for Suzanne, in Dr. Nagaraj's and Dr. Foley's office, for allowing me to "put her on the schedule" before she got word from the doctor. Anyway, I've spoken with the "powers that be" and it was decided that Friday was the day. Everyone in our camp is okay with Friday so we are back on track (every minute that we are on track is a good minute).

So, we will go to the clinic, tomorrow, for counts and probably to the OMO for a platelet transfusion. I start doubling Miriam's shots today - 4:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. Friday will be surgery. Saturday we'll go to the OMO for counts and Sunday, most likely, someone on 7W will draw her counts. We will go every day, for counts, until she is ready to be pheresed.

There isn't much more to tell. Yesterday was exhausting so we're chilling out today. Please keep praying for the line insertion and for no infection. Pray for our family's strength and for our continual reliance on God. Please pray for Dr. Soni, as well, to continue to grow daily into the great doctor that God has made him to be.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, October 4, 2005 12:54 AM CDT

We had a nice weekend, around the house, causing as much trouble as we could - while being on home incarceration!! Since Vern was gone quite a bit, over the weekend, the girls found me as the easiest target - so everything I did was pretty amusing! Praise God, Sunday afternoon it was Vern's turn cause them to laugh, laugh and laugh (and I was off the hook!!)

We had a clinic appointment, this morning, with Dr. Soni - but, of course, we didn't actually see him (just how does he do that???). Miriam's counts were as low as we expected. Her wbc is still .2, her ANC is 0, her hemoglobin is 9.5(!!!) and her platelets were 2. That's right - a new all time record for Miriam - 2. I was expecting them to be 1 so they were actually higher than I thought. We headed straight over to the OMO to receive her reserved platelets! (Have I ever shared with you that platelets are a deep yellow and hang on an IV pole like a bag of blood?? We call them "urine on a stick" because that's what they look like! Everything should have a pet name - shouldn't it???) Dr. Soni was "on" at the hospital and we didn't see him there either (although I did speak with him ... still he is a wiley rascal!!). The thinking, when we left the clinic, was that Miriam would receive a bag of platelets during surgery tomorrow. However, while sleeping beauty was sleeping off another benadryl high, Dr. Bertelone came by and said that we were going to have to come to the OMO, tomorrow at 7:30 a.m., to receive another platelet transfusion. Miriam's platelets must be above 50, for the surgery and there's no way that one transfusion is going to take care of that. So, our plan now is to get to the OMO at 7:30, run a CBC, receive a platelet transfusion and then go on with the surgery. The good news, for Miriam!, is that she gets to have benadryl (for the platelets) which will put her to sleep and relax her before she receives her versed to be taken back to surgery. Where are the drugs for parents??????

Please pray for a successful line insertion. This is our most immediate need. Pray for Miriam's body to resist any type of infection, since they are operating with an ANC of 0 (and prefer it to be above 1000). Pray for all of us as we have entered a time of daily doctor's appointments, specialists and tests in preparation for transplant. Pray for us all to continue to rely on God as our strength and sustainer. Please, as always, remember to keep Dr. Soni in your prayers as he is continuing to guide us through each day of Miriam's treatment.

UPDATE 6:30 10/4/05: I received a call, at about 4:45, that all of our plans for tomorrow have been cancelled. Our "team" is not in agreement with the "powers that be" so pray for me tomorrow as I am now forced to try to get things accomplished - as a parent. Please pray for Dr. Soni to continue to stand strong and be the great doctor that he is.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, September 30, 2005 8:00 PM CDT

Well, true to our word, Miriam and I went to see "Just Like Heaven" on Wednesday. We are suckers for romantic feel-good movies - so it was right up our alley!! Yesterday morning, Miriam and I went to Community Bible Study (she goes with me so that she can hold all of the babies!) We had a great morning then we headed off to the Jay C Store. Miriam drove the "electric chair" (sounds like an device of execution, doesn't it??) and we only bought what we needed to make MIriam's tummy-satisfying tex mex and chips. We had a nice family evening last night which was nice because we've all been so busy.

This morning, we had a counts appointment. Miriam's counts had dropped, as expected. Her wbc was .2 and she had no ANC. Her hemoglobin is still hanging in there. Her platelets were 62. We go back to the clinic on Tuesday, to see our Dr. Soni. By then, Miriam's platelets should be about as low as they can go, so we're packing for a day at the OMO. Platelets have already been reserved for her. After the clinic, we headed to = where else??? - DQ for hot dogs for breakfast. I then tortured her with homework. She has been able to keep up with her class due to the diligence of her great homebound teachers so we want to keep it going.

It was wild here earlier this afternoon. Mr. Little was here with Miriam working on geometry, the dishwasher repair man was here (my dishwasher has been holding the dishes inside hostage - I think it's waiting on a ransom!!), the UPS man came by (is everyone on a first name basis with their UPS man - or is it just me???), the dogs were barking, and Darian was being Darian (always a blessing). It couldn't have been any wilder and it was wonderful!

I spoke with Dr. Blue Eyes today and Miriam does not have to sleep with her abduction pillow any more. The moment that I delivered that news - I was the best mom in the world (for about 5 seconds!). The x-ray taken, during her last chemo, revealed that she is healing just as he would wish for her.

Vern left for the men's retreat this afternoon. He's involved in the music and really needs the night away to fellowship with other Christian men. Please pray that God uses this time to bless him greatly. Darian had a dance tonight, at school, and had a wonderful time. Miriam and I had a nice evening and now the girls and I have settled down for the evening.

Miriam's central line procedure has been scheduled for next Wednesday, October 5. If her ANC is not high enough by then (it has to be 1000) the procedure will be postponed - day by day - until it reaches 1000.

Please pray for a successful central line insertion. Please pray that Miriam's counts will rise fast so that we can enjoy our time, in between pre-transplant tests and procedures, as much as possible before we go in for transplant. Please pray for Darian as she continues to grow into an even more beautiful young lady - inside and out. Pray for Vern to continue to seek God's will as he leads our family during this difficult time. As always, please cover Dr. Soni with prayers as he daily makes decisions regarding Miriam's health. Me ... bon bons and soap operas (and bargaining with my dishwasher to free the hostages!!!)

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 9:26 PM CDT

Praise God - we have now finished passing through the "ooky" zone!! Miriam's tummy has finished indulging itself with the yucks and has moved back into the "what's next to eat?" zone that it likes so much!!! She is still pretty tired, but I can never tell if she's tired from the chemo, or if she suddenly becomes tired when I mention homework?????

Tonight, while Darian and Vern were gone (you know those busy bees!), Miriam wanted to snuggle with me and she didn't want to do it in the hospital bed. So, we decided that we could get her down on my aerobed (only about 6" off of the floor). Mind you, once we got her there it entered our minds that somehow we had to get her back up!!! She had her brace on so we couldn't mess up any of Ole' Blues Eyes' handiwork and we actually were able to get up without too much trouble. Vern supported her back and I lifted her and it only took us a few seconds. So - now we've learned a new trick! (I wonder if we could get on the Tonight Show???)

Since, as you know from my entry from this morning, Miriam's counts were unexpectedly high - we are planning on going to the movies tomorrow (while everyone else is in school) to see "Just My Heaven". Dr. Soni told us to play and play - so we're following doctor's orders. We want to fit in some fun before her counts drop.

Please pray for Miriam's body to continue to heal and for a successful line insertion. Vern asked Miriam, the other day, since she has no bones and only metal - on her right side - if that meant she truly had "buns of steel". Unfortunately for him, the joke was lost on her because she is too young to remember the phrase "buns of steel". He and I thought it was uproariously funny - but the girls just thought we were stupid (again!). Pray for Darian to continue to be Darian. She's so special and I want her to just keep being the wonderful little girl God designed. Pray for Vern to have strength and all of the energy he needs. As always, pray for our man Dr. Soni to continue to be guided by God. Me, I'm just sailing through life with bon bons and soap operas!!!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 9:27 AM CDT

Hello Friends:

First off, thank you Tanya Murphy for researching the "belephone - telephone" question!!

Miriam's tummy continued to bother her yesterday and she actually got sick a couple of times. She felt pretty well - the rest of the time - but she is very tired. This morning we had a counts appointment at 8:00. Her counts are GREAT! Her ANC is actually higher than it was before this chemo began. We are too experienced to not realize that they will still fall and then rise again - but right now it's fantastic. Her tummy is still giving her grief, so Nurse Frances told me to put her on Zofran for 24 hours to help her through. Most children come home on Zofran, but this is such a new experience for us that we didn't know. Of course, the general concensus is that Miriam has been so fortunate that it has taken almost two years for her stomach to react so we can't be too upset about it now. By tomorrow she should be back to her old self and we are planning on taking in a movie.

We haven't heard a definite about her apheresis line being inserted, next Wednesday, but we know it's coming (some time next week) so PLEASE begin praying now for a smooth insertion. Miriam's number one guy Dr. Soni came back and chatted with us today and he is still planning on beginning the transplant the first week in November.

We were glad to get home and we only have plans for rest today. Miriam has to build her strength so that we can get into lots of mischief later in the week!! So BEWARE! I respect her, so much, because even with feeling "ooky" she is still making herself get up and walk and work with me on her physical therapy.

Please pray for the line insertion, the stem cell harvest and the upcoming transplant. We plan on partying as much as possible in the next five weeks - per Dr. Soni's instructions - as counts and appointments allow. As always, pray for our family's strength and endurance and pray for Dr. Soni to continue to be blessed with wisdom and discernment as he sees us through the next 10 weeks.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, September 25, 2005 8:32 PM CDT

Did you hear all of the noise coming out of Georgetown around 9:30 tonight!!! That was us expressing our happiness at being home. Miriam, of course, is just going from one hospital bed to another - but at least it is in our family room. I must admit that my aerobed looks pretty great!!!

When we left tonight, Miriam's counts were still strong. Her potassium was the only thing that was low this time, so she had to have an infusion before we left. Her level was 1.7 and had to be 3.0 for us to leave. Praise God it reached 3.1. How many times, in the last two years, have we made it by the skin of our teeth??? God always provides just what we need. We begin her shots tomorrow, so please pray that her counts not bottom out because we really want to fit in as much fun, as we can, before transplant. We also have a lot of pre-transplant tests and "adventures" in the next six weeks.

Here is your question of the day. On the way home, from the hospital tonight, Miriam asked me the following: "If Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, why isn't it called the Bellephone?" Anyone know why the telephone is called a telephone instead of a Bellephone????? See ... our minds are always working (in very strange ways, but always working).

Please continue to pray for the requests that I outlined in the previous journal entry.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, September 25, 2005 9:03 AM CDT

Sorry for the absence of updates. I tried to update yesterday, but the CaringBridge site wouldn't let me "on".

I know it's been several days, but nothing has really been happening here. Miriam has continued to have tummy trouble. She has now taken more Benadryl, in this one hospitalization, than she has taken in her entire chemo treatment (previous diagnosis and relapse). Praise God that she has been able to "sleep it off" and she has not gotten sick.

It would take too much time to go back and fill in the last few days, so I'll just quickly bring you up-to-date. We have to go to the clinic, this Tuesday, for counts. Right now, her apheresis line insertion has been scheduled for next Wednesday, October 5 - with the tentative harvest of October 10-13. Miriam is stressed out about it, so PLEASE BEGIN PRAYING NOW that the line insertion is successful and goes very smoothly. They are tentatively planning for transplant to begin the first week of November.

That's really all there is right now. We haven't been doing anything that I can find to make witty or humerous - so you'll have to wait until we get "out of the pokey" for our adventures to begin again!!

Please pray for our family's strength and endurance. We are very tired and we have such an important few months ahead of us. Pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and for her stem cells to multiply rapidly in her remaining bones so that the second harvest will be successful. Please pray for God to continue to bless Dr. Soni with the wisdom, discernment and compassion to guide us through the next few months.

We praise God for each and every blessing and hold fast to His promises of grace and mercy. He is our Sustainer, our Strength, and our Ultimate Physician.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, September 22, 2005 6:00 PM CDT

Well, not much excitement ...

After my update yesterday, Ole Blue Eyes came by to check in on Miriam. She was still asleep, from the Benadryl, but she did tell him "hello" as he walked out the door (probably "goodbye" would have been more appropriate)! We relaxed and talked the rest of the evening.

Miriam woke up this morning in another spirited mood. We had a great morning and she made me suffer through more "Animal Planet" shows. At least I didn't have to watch any elephants giving birth (not a pretty picture)!! We've actually had a pretty quiet day. We had our good buddy, Kasie, so we've had a good day, as well. They began chemo a little earlier and PRAISE GOD she is finished with the carboplaten, this treatment. She took Benadryl, around 2:00, and then slept for a couple of hours. My buddy, Jamie, brought Darian over and she and I went to her oboe lesson (Darian - not Jamie). By the time we returned, Miriam was awake and ready for action. When we walked in the room, Jamie informed me that (as she put it) "Dr. Dreamy" had been by. I knew that had to be Dr. Buecker, since that isn't "our name" for Dr. Soni and he's out-of-town anyway (of course, that isn't our name for Dr. Buecker - Jamie came up with that all on her own). Jamie bid us goodbye and then we all played Dominoes. Again, I lost every game!! What is it with these girls - do they truly possess super game-playing powers????? Vern came over, after his busy day, and he and Darian went on their way.

Miriam's tummy is still just a little "ooky" so we're glad the carbo is behind us. The next three days, she just gets the VP16 and Ifos, which don't normally bother her in any way. I've already told her that she has to do homework tomorrow, so she may be taking Benadryal - just as a defense!!!

That's about it for us today. Please keep praying for Miriam's body to stay strong. Pray for Darian as she continues to enjoy life. Pray for Vern to keep up with everything that he feels is necessary. Me ... same old, same old - bon bons and soap operas!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 4:02 PM CDT

Hello dear friends:

Well, it's 5:15 on Wednesday and Miriam received her last bag of chemo, for the day, a little while ago. Now, her body just has to "splish and splash" it around - for the next 24 hours until she's hit again!

We got to the hospital around 7:15 this morning because we had to come early and have a GFR (the test for kidney function). Miriam kept telling everyone - my kidneys work just fine - but somehow that wasn't enough!! (Just exactly how does a nurse write that in the chart???) Anyway, we got to see our friends down in nuc med and then we were up in our luxury suite (I'm sorry, did I say luxury suite??) by 8:00. We are actually in one of the remodeled transplant rooms and it really isn't half bad now. They added a bathroom, so we figure we'll tough it out without moving to a different room, when one becomes available. I don't have a bed, but I'm actually getting kind of used to not sleeping in a bed (NOT!) The rooms are big and they are in the back - so they are very quiet - so we've decided to stay for the duration.

Of course, our usual parade of Kosair friends came by to say "hey". After a Fazoli's delivery from mamaw and papaw, Miriam settled into beating me at Dominoes - yes Dominoes - just how pathetic can I be at playing games??? She has been in a great mood today and has had a very mischievious spirit. She crafted a sign for the door of our room that asks passersby to "lift the flap" and then, when lifted, the flap says "ha ha, made you look". Just in case, a nurse or doctor missed the sign, she put another sign on the door handle that instructs them to not miss the sign!!! Where does she get this wild behavior???? We had just settled in to "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" when she decided she had better take a small nap. Having been off chemo, for so long, her tummy was a little unsettled and sleep always helps. So, she's sleeping and I - minus the bon bons and soap operas - am trying to give you a glimpse into our day.

Before beginning her nap, Miriam did remind me that she HAD to be up in time for "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy". By the way, for my dear friends who have seen fit to add to my collection of crazy houseslippers - Miriam has now developed an affection for them - and so far she has taken over two pairs! I may have to start tackling her for them (you know I can take her!!). She looks beautiful in her duck pajamas and furry houseslippers. Earlier today, it was Snoopy pajamas and ladybug houseslippers. She has kindly let me keep my frogs (for now)!

There's no more excitement here than that! Animal houseslippers and mischief making signs on the doors. I'll keep you posted as to what we get into next.

Since she has been off chemo two months, please pray that her tummy would not mistake this for "first chemo" and know that it should jump right over any nausea it may want to feel. Please pray that God continue to bless her with a spirit that remains undaunted by the difficult task of battling cancer. Please pray for Vern and Darian as they "man the fort" at home and run back and forth between Georgetown and Louisville. Please pray for Dr. Soni as he attends a conference (I told him to learn a way to make children's cancer disappear!) and returns to Louisville on Friday. Pray that God will continue to give him wisdom and discernment in setting the course for Miriam.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, September 19, 2005 4:05 PM CDT

Let's see, before I get to the all that "yucky" cancer stuff ...

We had a very nice weekend. We took a long drive on Saturday so that we could dine on yummy food at the Corydon Cracker Barrel. On the way home, we stopped and looked at a house for sale. We were just going to walk around the outside, but our future burglar (Darian) tried one of the doors and just walked right in. Since she would have already gone to jail for breaking and entering (although no breaking was involved since the door was unlocked) we all followed suit so that we could at least be "sent down the river" together!!! The house was empty, so it wasn't like we were raiding their refrigerator or watching tv. Fortunately, it didn't end in an arrest, but it did end in a capture (of sorts)! Miriam decided that she could go up the three front porch stairs, on her crutches, and did so before I could catch her. Upon leaving, however, we quickly found out that what goes up must come down - and she couldn't (and wasn't supposed) to do that on her crutches. So ... Vern took her under the arms and she leaned over my back, while I grabbed her around the waist, and we lifted her down one step at a time. Praise God, the house was set back off of the road and there was no one to take pictures!!!! Compared to that, the rest of our weekend was very quiet.

We ended up watching a couple of movies and Sunday night we went to Derby Dinner to see "Smoke On The Mountain." It's full of great old gospel music and lots of laughter. It was such a late night, however, that Miriam slept until 12:00 today. She just can't handle that 10:30 bed time!!!!

Today, we finally got word regarding the decision which was being made. Dr. Soni has decided to do another stem cell harvest on Miriam. I won't go in to the details, the why's and wherefore's because I don't feel that's necessary. I will say, however, that there has been much prayer and much consideration by Dr. Soni, the whole oncology team and us. For Miriam, however, it means another apheresis catheter surgery (Oh, she is SOOO excited)and another set of shots at 4:30 a.m. and p.m. (again, the excitement builds for her)!!! The reasoning is to do everything, that can be done, to increase the chances of Miriam's long-term survival - something which we're all for!!!! I would ask that you all pray that enough stem cells can be harvested. Bone marrow, for the body, is produced in the bones in the hip region and, post-surgery, Miriam only has half the bones she used to.

So, here's the plan (as it stands now ... who knows). Tomorrow, we have a clinic appointment and then Miriam will have a five-day chemo from Wednesday to Sunday. Following this chemo, Dr. Soni will wait for her counts to recover (about 2-3 weeks) and then the second harvest will be performed. Following the harvest, another 2-3 weeks for her body to recover and the transplant process will begin. Dr. Soni is hoping that Miriam's body remains strong, as she always has been, and handles the transplant process as she has handled everything else. His goal is to have her home by Thanksgiving (how appropriate that holiday would be this year).

Anway, please pray for the catheter insertion to go well (we had SO much trouble in the past); please pray for the harvest to be successful; please pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and continue to fight. Please pray for our family and please pray for Dr. Soni as he continues to guide us through Miriam's treatment.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, September 15, 2005 5:21 PM CDT

First off, we have no new information regarding the decisions that needed your prayers. So ... I'll just tell you what we've been doing.

Yesterday, Miriam and I indulged in a little late-morning sleep-in (we figure we deserved it after Tuesday). Then, evil villian (is that redundant, or what?) that I am, I made her "slave and sweat" her way through her homework. Early afternoon, we took off for Corydon because I had promised our new little oboe player that I would pick up some reeds for her oboe. (Let's just say that, when you first learn how to play the oboe, you need a reed graveyard!) By the time we got back from Corydon, it was time to pick up that very same little oboe player, from school. When we got home, I had the beautiful sounds of flute, coming from Miriam in the family room and the learning to be beautiful sounds of the oboe coming from my downstairs. It makes me so happy to hear music everywhere. You know it's a big part of who we are as a family! Last night, my friend Kay came by "for a few minutes" which for her and me is never just a "few". We had a really nice visit and I love her "drop by's." Then, we watched "Outrageous Moments on Television". Knowing how much we love to laugh, you have got to understand that it is a wonder that our house is standing after we have seen that show. We laugh, we slap the furniture, we scream, we cry ... we generally confirm that we are not your average American citizens. (Is there really an "average" American citizen?)

We have had a great day today! Miriam and I went to Community Bible Study, this morning. I went to back the car out of the garage and that little squirt had walked herself out of the house and I turned around and saw her on the sidewalk. You know, have walker will travel! I "hid" her out in the "cry room", but I told her she really couldn't cry. She watched "Lord of the Rings (Orlando, Orlando) and I got to be with the lovely women of CBS. Praise God that in the United States, we are allowed to freely praise God!! On the way home, withering away from hunger - Miriam HAD to have DQ hot dogs or she was just going to waste away!!! So - off we went. Ironically enough, when I went to unlock the front door, some very generous friend had left an envelope to Miriam with a giftcard to Culver's and enough DQ gift certificates to keep her going for at least a few weeks! Thank you, whoever you are - she will enjoy them greatly. So many people have been so generous and we are appreciative of everything that has been done for our family.

Once again, I torture using homework as my device of choice!! Miriam wrote a report about a German video she had watched. I picked up Darian from school and then Miriam's German teacher arrived. Our flourishing oboe player had her first lesson today, so Darian and I were off to Louisville. She and her teacher got along famously and he was very surprised and pleased at what she was already able to do on the oboe. When we got home, my friend Debbie (who normally only gets to take care of our dogs) was visiting with Miriam.

Okay, here's the REALLY big news of the day. Remember that feeling of euphoria when your baby went from crawling to walking???? Well, folks we have euphoria in the Eswine household! Dr. Buecker's original plan, regarding Miriam's progress, was 3-4 months using a walker, a couple of months using double crutches, 1-2 months on a single crutch - eventually ending up with a cane. (A plan that could potentially last 9 months or more!) Well, you know we've already blown Dr. Buecker's original recovery plan out of the water - so he has now decided to make it up as we go. On Tuesday, he told her she could try double crutches any time and he would allow her to go up the stairs as soon as she masters the double crutches (remember this was supposed to be 3-4 months from now!!!) You know what lies at the top of our stairs???? Anyone?? Anyone?? Okay, I'll tell you ... Miriam's bedroom that was remodeled shortly before surgery. Are you thinking she's just a little anxious to go up the stairs??? Well, my dear friends, my baby went from crawling to walking today .... that little rascal has graduated to double crutches a mere one month and four days post-surgery!!! (Although she has decided to reserve the walker for long distance - which, for her - is about anything beyond 50-75 feet.) You should see her go! Tell me that God is not in that one!

Anyway, no more excitement around here than that ... isn't that enough for one day???

Please keep praying for all of the decisions that are to be made. Please pray for Miriam's body to continue to heal to completion. Pray for Darian to continue her enthusiastic pursuit of life. Pray for Vern to sleep and sleep well and to hold fast to a positive attitude (I'm beginning to think that I might win him over to my "glass half full" side of life). Please continue to pray for our beloved Dr. Soni as he guides us through the next few months of Miriam's treatment. As always, begin praying now for her body to stay strong through the upcoming transplant.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 10:44 AM CDT

We have praises and we have more prayer requests (didn't you know that was coming??)

First, I'll start with our clinic appointment. Miriam's counts were great and all of her levels were good. We saw Dr. Cheerva and received some unexpected possible plans regarding some of Miriam's treatment. I've spoken with Soni and we are working on it. Please begin praying that the right decisions are made and that we can be comfortable with them. Please know that nothing has changed regarding Miriam's diagnosis - these are just some decisions that have to be made to get us to where we want to be.

After leaving the clinic, we walked up the street to see Dr. Blue Eyes. Our visit there would have only left us with joy, had it not been tempered by our reflections on our clinic visit. Dr. Buecker said Miriam's incision site is GREAT and that the small amount of drainage remaining is due to a stitch working its way out. YEAH! So we are clear for chemo (or whatever) and we won't see Dr. Buecker until we are in the hospital again.

That's it for today. I'm too tired to be very witty, so bear with me and I promise I'll come up with some good stuff later. Please always remember that even though I seem to be the "queen of positive spin" we are always dealing with the grim realities of cancer and Miriam's life hangs in a very delicate balance. I just happen to want you to smile along the way, so that you don't waste a day feeling sorry for us any more than we would waste a day feeling sorry for ourselves. Where is the joy in that????

PLEASE PLEASE pray for the next few days as Dr. Soni is making some important decisions, we will have some important decisions to make, and Miriam needs to reserve her strength and positive attitude toward continuing her recovery.

God is good and God is faithful

We love you all.

Thursday, September 8, 2005 9:33 AM CDT

This entry won't make much sense, if you haven't read yesterday's yet (so you might want to go back and begin there). I just heard from Ole Blue Eyes himself. Miriam does indeed have a small fluid pocket in the surgical area. During the conversation, however, I told him how ironic life continues to be. Miriam's incision has not drained at all since we left the hospital yesterday. (Everyone has obviously been praying VERY hard!). He said, if that was the case, we could let it heal and go on. During her lifetime, she will have accumulated fluid and bouts of swelling, in the surgical area, because they removed everything that would naturally remove fluid from the right leg. So, here's where we stand... If the incision continues to not drain AT ALL, he will most likely clear us for chemo next week. We have another appointment with him next Wednesday, but we'll be checking in with him before that time. IF the incision begins to drain AT ALL, I am to page him immediately and he will make arrangements for the surgery.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE focus your prayers on the incision to remain dry!! Miriam needs to not have another surgery, right now and she really needs to get on chemo ASAP!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, September 7, 2005 8:46 PM CDT

Let's see, what is it about best laid plans ...

Today we had a 10:30 appointment with Ole Blue Eyes. We arrived, on time, and were graciously escorted to our lovely room with a skyline view (okay, so it was a tiny room on the inside - it sounds better the other way!) As we were going into our room, Miriam heard the melodious sounds of Dr. Buecker's voice (his eyes aren't the only things she finds "dreamy"). He came in, chatted and checked her incisions. Her incisions looked great, but she still was draining, just a little bit, from one teeny tiny spot. There are several reasons for this draining: (1) it could just be superficial draining that is continuing to heal because it has gotten better over the last week; (2) it could be there is an isolated pocket of fluid inside; or (3) it could be that, when Miriam drinks water, it's just coming straight out of her leg!!! (Please tell me that you know I'm kidding about the last one.) Our best case, and the one that Dr. Buecker thinks is likely, is that it is superficial and will be healed in no time. However, leaving nothing to chance in the world of cancer, he sent us over to Kosair for a CT of the pelvis. Here is a word of warning, NEVER ALLOW yourself to be a walk-in for a test at a hospital. Believe me, if you think being a walk-in for a haircut is bad .... He offered us the option of having it scheduled for another day, but we daringly say no.

So, off to Kosair we went. We got there at 12:15, registered with our friend, Joy, on the 7th floor and then headed back downstairs. By this time, Miriam had been in her wheelchair for over two hours (yes, we actually walked over - one of us was pushed - from Norton Pavillion to Kosair) and she had a real pain in the butt! (Not me, if that's what you were thinking.) The good thing is, we know everybody at Kosair and they all know Miriam, so our friend Sandy (she can put in an IV with her eyes blindfolded and her hands tied behind her back - although she's only gotten to use her talents on Miriam one time a few months ago) found us a room to hang out in while Miriam drank the lovely contrast that is so dear to her heart. Thank God for a hospital bed and a TV. Miriam was able to stretch out and get out of the wheelchair. Several of our other friends came by to chat so the hours passed quickly. We also ran into Dr. Nagaraj as Miriam was walking down the hall to the CT room. He was very pleased with how well she was doing with her walker. I think all of these doctors feel some ownership of Miriam (as they should). Of course, somebody does own some of her parts. Now that I think about it, I wonder if they came with a factory warranty????

Truth be told, it was an unbelievably exhausting day. By the time our buddy Melissa had finished the CT (which only lasts about 10 minutes), Miriam was overwhelmed with exhaustion, hunger and the need to get home to bed. I wasn't far behind her! She was in tears on the CT table, and didn't let up until she was back in her wheelchair headed home.

We stopped and picked up Darian, who thankfully had hung out with Elaine, the wonderful secretary at her school, and then we made a beeline for home and for Miriam's bed. We were so thankful to end our adventure of the day. After all, we figured we'd be home at 12:00 and it turned out that we didn't get home until almost 4:00.

Dr. Buecker is supposed to call us when he reviews the results of the CT. Please pray that the drainage is superficial. If there is a pocket of fluid, it will require another surgery - opening a two inch part of her incision - and then waiting for that to heal before we can have another chemo. This is not an uncommon thing, with this type of incision (as I've said before), but most people aren't waiting to heal to get back on chemo. We don't need any delays. We need chemo!!! (How many times do you hear that in a day?) We really need to get Miriam back on chemo before the cancer has time to make its next move. Right now, pathology says we're clear and we really want to keep it that way. Plus, the sooner she has this chemo - the sooner we can begin (and thus end) the stem cell transplant process.

I'll let you know what we find out. Please pray diligently for the CT results. As always, please pray for Dr. Soni to have wisdom and discernment in making his plans for Miriam. He will always be her "#1". She talked about missing him today because she hadn't seem him in awhile and I reminded her that I think she's about to begin seeing him "plenty" in the next few months!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, September 4, 2005 7:30 AM CDT

Let's see, not a whole lot going on around here ...

Thursday, Miriam met with her German teacher, Mrs. Moss, and they hit it off famously. Mrs. Moss has traveled to Germany, many times, and had a lot of "insider" info. Miriam wants to travel to Germany and many other places, so she is thrilled with all of the information that she can get. That evening, we all went to Highland Hills for Darian's open house. She was so excited and it was very nice to meet her teachers. Of course, that's where Miriam attended, last year, so they were very happy to see her, as well. Miriam was in her "wheelchair as big as a house", but she did really well. People, in general, are kind ... but some people just have no tolerance for wheelchairs. At least I'm assuming it's the wheelchair, because I refuse to believe that anyone could be unkind to an ill child. Maybe it's something about the big wheels, or lovely vinyl upholstery that puts fear into their hearts ... or maybe they had nightmares, as children, that wheelchairs would one day take over the earth! Whatever the case, I'm thinking that maybe there should be a Wheelchair 101 class offered in schools throughout the nation. Ah well, enough of my soapbox for one day.

Friday, we had a relaxing day around the house. Of course, Miriam gets to relax quite a bit in her handy dandy hospital bed. (I'm not sure we'd actually call it relaxing. It's a lot harder to stay in a somewhat reclining position than you think. Although some couch potatoes have probably mastered the art!) Miriam had a flute lesson, Friday afternoon, although no flute playing actually occurred - she and Amy mapped out some short and long-term goals so that Miriam could keep up with her high school band. Darian came home and then Vern and our family was once again complete.

Saturday I ran into town for some much needed items (don't you always need something from Target?) and Miriam had a geometry session at 11:00 with Mr. Little. After that, we began our weekend. It was Vern's birthday, so I made a huge cake that we didn't need. We have had so much food. The teachers and staff at Galena Elementary, where the girls used to attend school, fed us all of last week and we have dined like kings (or queens, as the case may be). Darian is in the drama, at church, so she and Vern went to church last evening.

This morning, I sit alone! (Don't you feel sorry for me???) Miriam is still snoozing (due, in large part, to the fact that she decided we could solve all of the problems of the world last night and insisted on keeping me up until 2:30 ... would that we could figure out how to solve children's cancer) and I have decided to force myself to begin my invoicing for our company. You know I've told you before that Vern has this funny belief that if I don't do my job, we don't get paid and therefore we can't pay ... it's a vicious circle! His mission for today is to find me a roll-a-way to sleep on. Almost two weeks of sleeping on the couch have proven several things to me: (1) it's called a couch, and not a bed, for a reason; (2) my bones are now 43 years old and not 23; (3) if you roll too far - you fall off; (4) one couch is not conducive to the relaxation of one chubby mom and two loving dogs and (5) four to six more months of this and my body will be permanently shaped like a pretzel. Of course, Miriam certainly has some kingsize discomforts. After all, for the next 4-6 months, she has to continue to sleep with her abduction pillow (makes it sound like some kind of alien experience, doesn't it???) strapped between her legs. As uncomfortable as I am, I can't imagine only being able to sleep in one position for months on end! Also, for another three weeks (but who's counting) she has to continue to sleep in her "granny" hose that help to prevent clots. Getting into bed is a far bigger process than it used to be. We just keep reminding ourselves that it's all about the leg ... Dr. Buecker, Dr. Foley and the Drs. Antekeier worked hard to save it ... now we have to work hard to let it heal and make it work properly. Believe me, there's no doubt that it's worth it!!

Today, we're grilling and chilling (sounds like a Food Network show). I'm going to try to convince Miriam to let us push her around the neighborhood so that she can get some sunshine and fresh air. Her hair has started coming back, because of being off chemo for so many weeks, but - alas - in another month it will be gone again. You know, hair today ... gone tomorrow. She remains my beautiful baby and I continue to praise God for every morning that wakes up and smiles at me.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's incision to heal properly. It is healing nicely, but we still have some drainage that needs to go away. Please pray for all of the reattached nerves and muscles, in her leg, to knit to perfection in her body and give her the best use of her leg. Please pray for her heart to stay strong and for her body to continue to fight. Please pray for Darian to keep on keeping on ... she's such an amazing little girl. Please pray for rest and strength for both Vern and me (I know, I'm not praying for bon bons!). It has been a long (almost) two years and we are weary. It would be nice to get a second wind before transplant begins. Please continue to keep our special guy, Dr. Soni, in your prayers as he prepares for the next phase of Miriam's treatment.

We praise God for His goodness as He continues, over and over again, to keep so many ugly things out of our paths. We thank Him for the strength and determination He has instilled in Miriam, and perhaps our whole family. Mostly, for me, I thank Him for the joy (some would translate that to insanity) that He buried deep in my heart and refuses to let me forget is there.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005 12:09 AM CDT

Okay - did you think that we'd fallen off the face of the earth???

We had a very nice weekend. For obvious reasons, it wasn't a very busy weekend - as such - but it was relaxing. Miriam enjoyed walking out to the porch and sitting in the rocker. Although sitting does seem to be the one task that is giving us some problems. You know that they removed everything but the kitchen sink, from the right side of her hip area. In doing so, naturally the bone that supports you when you sit was taken out as well. Consequently, until her muscles strengthen and take over the task of supporting her, sitting is painful. Can you believe, after everything that was done, sitting is the painful task????

Sunday, Vern and Darian went to church and Miriam did homework. (Doesn't it make you wonder why she loves me?) By afternoon, we grilled and relaxed. The pace of life has become so much slower, for all of us, since surgery. Monday, Vern went off to work and Darian went off to school. Miriam did more homework and, in the afternoon, we watched a movie.

Yesterday morning, I actually left the house (and Miriam) and went to leaders council for Community Bible Study. I left Miriam in the trusty hands of our "famous" lasagna chef (and dear buddy of mine) Jamie. I had a wonderful time and, when I returned home, Jamie and Miriam were still alive, my house was still in one piece and Miriam was dining on some of that famous lasagna. I will say that they both had "cat swallowed the mouse" expressions on their faces - so who knows what secret I'll uncover!!! In the afternoon, the "official" physical therapist came to do an evaluation of Miriam. Since we're doing PT anyway, she said she saw no reason to come again which was fine with us. She was very nice, but we're just used to doing things on our own.

Today was our appointment with Dr. Buecker. Vern stayed home and went with us to make our first outing to his office easier. Miriam met Dr. Buecker with warm regard (taking into account his blue eyes and all) which quickly turned into cool detachment as soon as the words "removing your stitches" fell from his lips! He removed all of her stitches (I'm telling you that he has sewn far more than I have in my lifetime). He took a picture of the incisions (for reference and "doctorly" purposes - you know it's kind of a BIG surgery) and I told him that he had to put the name with the incisions because Miriam calls her incisions "The Claw." Dr. Buecker felt they looked more like talons, but I think Miriam gets to pick the name since it's her body. (You see, I told you I was warping the world - one at a time!) He placed some steristrips along some of the incision and other than a dime-sized hole (in the "t") her incisions are closed. We need your prayers that the hole will close and heal quickly. It is just part of the natural healing process of the "t", but we want it to heal quickly and without any complication. We are so thankful to have all ofthe stitches gone, but I do miss making her laugh and then telling her that "I'm leaving her in stitches!" Somehow, saying "I'm leaving you in steristrips" just doesn't have the same ring to it!! We go back, next Wednesday, to see Ole' Blue Eyes again and, if all goes as expected, he will clear Miriam for another round of chemo. The sooner we get started with the next round of chemo and then stem cell, the sooner we can get back home.

So, Miriam is resting, this afternoon, until her biology teacher comes. It was a very stressful morning, for her, but she handled it all with her usual grace and quiet dignity. I am so proud of her.

Darian has a meeting, for drama and church tonight and an open house at her school tomorrow night. This weekend is Vern's 56th birthday so we are trying to come up with a game plan for helping him celebrate. The girls and I are very excited that he will officially be "on the other side" of 55 because now we can say "well, you know, you are going on 60 years old!!!" I'm sure there are moments (probably many) where he wonders where he went wrong to marry a nutcase whose offspring carry the dominant "nutcase" gene!! I'll say it again - the man is a saint to endure our humor and to meet our womanly needs!! I prefer to think, however, that he is just deeply in love (perhaps due to my romantic nature). I consider myself a very blessed woman and I know the girls feel the same.

Please pray for Miriam's incision to finish the healing process. Also, please continue to pray for her body to resist fracture. God has shown His mercy so many times. We have come such a long way, but we have a very long way to go. Please pray for Darian to continue to enjoy school and adjust to all of her activities. Pray for Vern to receive rest and strength to keep doing what needs to be done. Please pray for God to give Dr. Soni strength, guidance and wisdom as he sets forth the plan for Miriam's future treatment.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, August 26, 2005 8:37 AM CDT

Well, here's the scoop on our last two days. We arrived home at about 12:30 on Wednesday. We had very happy puppies and - when Darian arrived home - she ran into my arms with surprise that we were there! Then she bounded over to her Sissy and greeted her with a little less "physical" enthusiasm, but not any less "heart" enthusiasm. Miriam had decided to come home, without a hospital bed, but it was apparent within the first few hours that she would not be able to get her hip comfortable without one. Anyway, we made do and she pretty much rested the rest of Wednesday. It was so nice to be able to snuggle together - on real furniture - without all of the hospital "stuff" around us.

Thursday morning, Miriam got to sleep in (no vitals checks at 7:00!) while Vern took Darian to school and then came home to hang out with Miriam. I was able to go to the first day of class for Community Bible Study, of which I am Associate Teaching Director. Fortunately, the loving ladies of CBS have done whatever has been necessary to enable me to be with Miriam and still be a part of the group I love so much. Miriam's appetite is beginning to kick in so, on the way home for Bible study, I had to make a DQ run! (Did you all invest in DQ, KFC and Logan's when I told you to???) Vern then left to pick up Darian and the two of them headed off to the open house of one of Vern's clients, River Valley Bank. Not only was the opening one of Vern's responsibilities, but his band was the entertainment - so he was kind of doing double duty!

Miriam decided that sitting at home was not for her! After the hospital bed delivery occured, she and I hopped (believe me, it takes a little more than hopping) in the car and headed up to the opening to hear Vern sing because we've never heard the band before. After all, they tend to play after we are fast asleep. It was our first outing, since surgery, and our outings require a lot more "equipment" than they used to. We got to the bank, saw the much-loved daddy, heard him "toot his horn" and sing a few songs that made us laugh. There's something about hearing your daddy (or husband) sing "Funky Music" or "Brick House" that just kind of sends you over the edge in the giggles department. Anyway, we only stayed about a half an hour because Miriam's wheelchair is only so comfortable. We got Miriam back into the car and then I proceeded to prop her step and her walker against the car while I loaded her reclining wheelchair into the back (think wheelchair as big as a horse!) Then, forgetting anything else, I got in the car and began to back out. All of the sudden we heard a thud and, knowing for sure that the walker and step would be flat as a pancake, went around to the other side of the car to check out the damage. Well, praise God, they were just laying there - still intact. How embarrassed I would have been to call the hospital and tell them that I'd "killed" the walker! Isn't it amazing that Miriam allows me to steer her wheelchair??? Hopefully, I'll never leave her propped up against the car.

More rest was required when we got home, but it was worth it - a very successful first outing!! More evening snuggling and more sleep bring us to this morning!

Miriam is going to be doing some homework. Her biology teacher is coming this afternoon and her German teacher is coming in the morning (I know, Saturday - what kind of a taskmaster am I??). Her teachers have been wonderful about coming when it is convenient for Miriam. We are so thankful to God that He has provided so many incredible people - doctors (especially "blue eyes" and Miriam's much-loved Dr. Soni), nurses (too many precious people to name) and teachers (working, at Miriam's convenience) to help her during her freshman year.

Well, that about brings you up-to-date. We are continuing her physical therapy, on our own, with a physical therapist coming to check in with us next week. We have an appointment, next Wednesday, to see Ole' Blue Eyes and hopefully have all of Miriam's stitches removed. Dr. Soni is still planning on a regular round of chemo some time the second or third week of September and then stem cell in October.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's incisions to complete their healing. We are at the end of the "incision infection" stage and we have entered a 2-3 month period where fracture is the number one concern. So, please pray against fracture.

We love you all and, again, I will say that we can't thank you enough for all of your concern and your prayers. Please keep them coming.

UPDATE 8/26/2005 5:00P.M.: That man that we love, Dr. Soni, just emailed me that Miriam's pathology came back with NEGATIVE margins!!! Just one more really BIG reason to praise God for His goodness and Dr. Buecker, Dr. Foley and the Drs. Antekeier for their skill!!

God is good and God is faithful.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005 1:41 PM CDT

Praise God to Whom all blessings flow!

We are home. We are so full of joy at sitting in our own living room, being licked by our loving dogs, and being together - as a family - for more than a few hours at a time. I'll probably not update until tomorrow, but God continues to bless Miriam's recovery and she is smiling. As a mother - that's all I need.

Please continue your prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005 12:52 AM CDT

Here we are - Tuesday.

We had a good evening with Vern and Darian last night and, once again, we were bested by the contestants on "Jeopardy." I think that there is definitely a reason why we play it from home instead of on national TV!! Miriam had a pretty good night's sleep (which is amazing in and of itself - in the hospital).

This morning, true to his word, that blue eyed boy, Dr. Buecker, came in to "rip" (Okay, this time I really am stretching it!) out Miriam's remaining drain. Then she was unhooked from her remaining "tethers" and is now a completely free woman. These last few days, we've had a few little kinks to work out, but PRAISE GOD, they are working themselves out one at a time. We did request to keep the button for the PCA (pain control) pump because, since it isn't hooked up any longer, Miriam can play "Jeopardy" with it tonight. We've tried to use the nurse call button before, but eventually the nurses figure out what we're doing!!!! Dr. Buecker also brought Miriam's "before and after" x-rays to exhibit to us the handywork of the "Mighty Four." I have to tell you that it is amazing to see what the right side of her body looks like!!! We are so thankful to God for providing such skillful doctors who also are so compassionate and loving to Miriam.

Following swiftly on the heels of Dr. Buecker, Dr. Antekeier (the Mr. not the Mrs.) came in to check on us. It turns out that since Miriam wasn't put in that "gothic form of torture" called the Spica cast - we don't have to have a hospital bed unless she wants one. So, we're going to wing it for a day or two on the bed in the living room and, if necessary, we'll have a hospital bed delivered. (I think we'll both miss all of the buttons that we like to play with.) We are profoundly grateful about the change of decision to let her use a brace instead of the Spica cast. Not only is the brace far more comfortable, but she looks a little like a stormtrooper from "Star Wars" when she has it on!

After the doctors decided that they had better things to do, we rested for a few minutes. Natalie, our new-found friend from PT came and Miriam walked most of the distance to the door of the room and back. Of course, that required more rest. We've been finishing reading "Anne of Green Gables" and we were able to finish reading it today. Miriam loves to relax while I read to her. (You realize that what that's really saying is that the sound of my voice bores her to death!!) As of 1:00 today, Miriam had already been up three times and she still has her afternoon PT stroll around the room at 2:30. WOW - ANOTHER PRAISE GOD!

Right now, even as I bore you with the details of our day, Miriam is finishing her Geometry homework so that - when her teacher comes this afternoon - she will be prepared. Not long after Mr. Little leaves, we are expecting Vern and that boundless bundle of energy called Darian. When she walks into the room, the voltage goes up 100%! Hopefully this will be our last evening in the hospital - at least this month.

Thank you for all of your prayers as they have allowed us to overcome obstacles, both large and small, this week. Please keep praying for Miriam's incisions to heal well and for no infection to set into her body. Please pray for her phsyicial therapy to continue to go well. At the rate she's going, she'll be sashaying down the boulevard in no time! Please pray for Darian to stay Darian. She is so special and we want to keep her that way. Pray for Vern to get rest and for his energy level to remain high (not that we three women can require a lot of energy or anything). Me - I'm hoping to relocate my soap operas and bon bons to home tomorrow!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, August 22, 2005 2:53 PM CDT

Well, here we are a week past surgery. That alone is difficult to believe. We've had a very big Monday around here - but then, I told you, we only have "big" days these days. This morning, Mr. Dr. Antekeier came to check on Miriam at 8:30. Because we were still resting, he said he'd be back later. So, she didn't have to wake up too early this morning. Natalie, from PT, came at 10:00 and we had Miriam take the scenic route around the room - eventually ending up in a chair only a few feet from the bed. I told her that she needed to sit in the chair for 15 minutes. A very busy hour later, she ended up getting back into the bed!

Dr. Buecker came by and spoke the words that reach every woman's heart - "going home!" He has tentatively written for our discharge on Wednesday, but it could be Thursday. Miriam's body still has a few things to work through, but she is doing GREAT and we are ready to get home. He does want to show us an x-ray of what was done to Miriam because he said that she had the most done to her that you could possibly imagine during one surgery and he wants us to be able to "see" the scope of the work that the four of them performed.

After resting for a while, we had another stint of PT at 2:30 and Miriam and I just visited while she was in the chair (kind of makes it sound like an electric chair, doesn't it?) We maneuver pretty well on our own now, so it's nice to be able to get in and out by ourselves.

Vern and Darian are coming over in a while and we'll have a little family time before they head back to the house and start preparing for our return. We are very anxious to be together again.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and heal quickly. Pray for her incisions to heal in a way that is pleasing to the doctors. Please pray that all of the pieces would come together and that we will be allowed to go home on Wednesday.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, August 21, 2005 7:04 PM CDT

You know that yesterday our big step was - well, just that - a big step. Miriam walked several steps forward and then back. We had a very good day and I saw one of my prized relaxed Miriam smiles which means she's feeling more of her old self. I began crying because I was so glad to see it. The, she made her "turtle" face which is hilarious and I started laughing. Unfortunately, so did she so we spent several minutes trying to stop because her body was not ready for the all over giggles - yet!

Several of Miriam's doctors dropped by. Dr. Foley, the doctor who was primarily responsible for removing the soft tissue tumor from around the nerves, came by to check on her. At one point, he began shaking his head and he said, "You know, there were times when we were in there (meaning Miriam's body) and I kept thinking - how does anyone overcome this? How does anyone live and go on?" I patted him on the shoulder and told him that I was very happy that he was speaking his heart now and not before the surgery.

At 4:00 THIS MORNING, Mrs. Dr. Antekeier came in to check Miriam. She had a couple of emergencies so she just decided to drop in while she was at the hospital. Oddly enough, Miriam and I were awake and we had a great visit. She is very sweet and personable and we were laughing and laughing at her stories about Mr. Dr. Antekeier. I told her what Dr. Foley had said and she said that there were many times that the four of them just stopped and thought "wow" during the surgery. (The four being the Drs. Antekeier, Dr. Foley and Dr. Buecker) Only in the hospital, can you entertain company and have a laugh fest at 4:00 in the morning.

Another big day! (Believe me, around here there is no other kind - but big.) Miriam not only walked further, but sat in a chair for over an hour and one half. She surprised Vern and Darian, when they brought lunch over.

I'm telling you people - only a Mighty God can have a young lady flayed open on a Monday, many parts removed - new parts put in, stitched back up (I think she was cross-stitched because I'm sure her incisions spell out "there's no place like home") and up and walking on a Saturday and sitting in a chair on a Sunday. Now, honestly, she isn't going to set a land speed record - but the fact that she is walking at all is a miracle in and of itself.

Tomorrow, we are out to impress Dr. Buecker into letting us come home, at least by Wednesday. We're READY!

We are so thankful to one of the small groups, from our church, for building a ramp onto the front of our house for Miriam' wheelchair. Vern keeps going on and on about it so it must really be something beautiful!

Thanks for continuing to check in on us. Please keep the prayers coming. Miriam is doing so well she is amazing everyone, but we still have a long way to go.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Saturday, August 20, 2005 12:58 AM CDT

WE WALKED TODAY - TWO STEPS FORWARD AND THREE STEPS BACK (kind of like life!!) PRAISE GOD!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, August 19, 2005 3:51 PM CDT

Miriam had a nightmare last night. She dreamed that, at 7:00 in the morning, a masked bandit came in - flashed on the overhead light, went out and got two accomplices from the hallway, came back in and rolled her, pulled out one of her drainage tubes, stripped the other and accidently pulled against the stitch while doing so, and then escaped out of the room - leaving us to bask in the aftermath of stress! Okay, okay - it wasn't a nightmare - that's how we started our morning!!! Good morning.

After that, we couldn't possibly go back to sleep. So, around 8:30 I injected Miriam with her first "prevent a clot" shot. Unfortunately, the medicine stings going in so it hurt for several minutes. At 9:30, our first of two visits by physical therapy occurred. Today's visit was much better than yesterday's. The crying and yelling were not as bad (me or Miriam, I'm not sure which) and the four of us (Nurse Veronica, Natalie and Denise from PT, and me) were able to help Miriam stand with her walker and then sit on that lovely "bedside" seat that has been provided for her convenience. Miriam was very brave in the face of extreme pain, but we were happy when she was back in bed and able to relax a little (and I use the term "relax" very loosely). Vern came over for awhile and then went on his way to handle the world of business.

There is no rest for the wicked. Not having completely recovered from PT #1, we had PT #2 at 2:00. This time, however, Natalie and I were able to help Miriam without other assistance. She, once again, proved why so many people are amazed at her strength and courage. She had available to her an extra pain pill and wouldn't even use it to help with therapy. There was a bit more yelling (being still exhausted from PT #1), but she still managed to do what was required of her.

After that, she has tried to rest, but it has kind of been a revolving door around here with doctors and nurses. So, it's 5:15 and she's just getting to take a breather. Unfortunately, about the time she feels relaxed, she'll probably feel the need to get up and it will all start all over. Each time is a bit easier (in the grand scheme of things), but we are praying for the next 3-4 days to fly swiftly by because we are anxious for this extreme pain to be behind us. Tomorrow's PT goal is to have her take a few steps! (Trust me, I think if she learned how to walk more than a few steps right now - she'd walk right out of here!!)

She is very tired and probably will be until her upper body strength has developed. She doesn't have any right now, due to her chest resection of last year and all of the prior chemo. When this is over, however, I've assured her that Popeye will have nothing on her!!

Dr. Buecker just came in and said things are going very well. He said he would begin to speak "discharge" with us on Monday, but it will probably be on Tuesday or Wednesday. Depending on how well Miriam does here, he will decide on whether to send her to a rehab hospital for 5-7 days or to let us go home with PT coming to the house a few times a week. You know which one we are working toward and I think we are well on our way.

Please pray for the next few days to go swiftly and for her pain levels to decrease. Please pray for her to hold on to her determination and strength because she has been amazing. Each day, we are moving closer to where we need to be. Please continue to pray for Darian and Vern as they go from here to there.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, August 18, 2005 7:11 PM CDT

Well, we've had an eventful day. Let me start with the wonderful news, that as of 4:00 p.m. yesterday, we are residing on 7W. Everyone was glad to see Miriam and we were glad to be in a real room. Vern and Darian met us with all of our usual hospital "stuff" so Miriam's room was decorated and ready in a very short time. Getting her settled took a few minutes (or maybe two hours) because she had so many tubes, wires, pumps - you know - the usual. Nurse Christie took special care to get us settled and then Nurse Meghan took over to see us through the night. She's another quiet one, so we both slept like logs last night and it's a good thing because we had a very big day today.

This morning, not one doctor came to see us before 8:30. Unless you've been to the hospital lately, you don't realize how unusual that is! We woke up and couldn't believe that we had been able to sleep past 6:00. Our buddy, Nurse Kasie, took over to join in the fun for the day. Dr. Buecker came in and said everything continued to look really, really good. He also told us that the epidural was coming out and the physical therapy was starting. Today's challenge would be getting Miriam up and having her sit on the side of the bed. Now, to you and me - not a challenge (although some days it's more challenging than others). But, for Miriam, having had her 35,000 mile check-up - just three days ago - and all of the old parts removed and replaced with new factory models - NOT AN EASY TASK! Anyway, Alison, one of our buddies from the anesthesia department, came and removed her epidural around 11:00 and then we just kind of hung out for awhile and waited for what we knew would be a painful afternoon. Several of our nurse friends and Kosair employee friends came by to visit. Dr. Soni came in just to see if he could stir up some trouble. His plan is to give Miriam 3-4 weeks after surgery and then do another round of "regular" chemo (some time in early September). Then, when her counts recover, he will begin the transplant process (hopefully by mid-October). If all goes well, she'll be off her walker (I said "walker" not "rocker"), out of her wheelchair, hospital bed gone from the house and stem cell transplant finished by Christmas. Then, we'll just have to hang out at home for six to nine months while her counts recover. (Don't I wish that this whole thing was as easy as the last few sentences make it sound!) Believe it or not, Miriam actually spoke to him, albeit briefly. She still prefers to carry on their relationship in silent mutual regard and affection. He did, at one point, claim to be crazy - but I assured him that I had the corner on that market already!

Finally, the dreaded moment came at around 5:00. Natalie, from physical therapy (with a soft disposition and a kind heart) came to help me convince Miriam that unbelievable pain was what was necessary to help get her better. After much coaxing, some crying (some her, some me), and lots and lots of determination - Miriam was sitting on the side of the bed. (Trust me, it wasn't nearly as simple as all that!) By the time the ordeal was over, we were all so exhausted that you would have thought we had run a 33 mile marathon. Anyway, it was worth it and we all know that each day will get easier. Tomorrow's goal - standing up by the bed! (Whatever happened to laying around in bed for a couple of years getting waited on by the servants!!!)

After that trauma, we both just stayed still for a little while and recouped. Vern and Darian brought over homemade chicken pasta and bread. Right after we finished dinner, Dr. Buecker came in and even his blue eyes couldn't save him from Miriam. She decided to remain cool due to the infliction of all the physical therapy pain. It didn't help that the poor man announced that for the next month, I would have the privilege of "shooting her up" with a new drug to aid in the prevention of blood clots. (Especially since I have to inject it in the abdomen.) He got out as soon as he could, deciding that tomorrow she would be his friend again. We all settled down to watch - of course - "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy". As soon as they left, Miriam decided that it was time to call it a day. She has been so strong and so brave today and I am so proud of her doing what must be done - in spite of incredible pain.

Please continue to pray for her body to remain strong, to fight infection, and to heal quickly. Also, pray now for the pathology report to come back clean. Please pray for Miriam's physical therapy tomorrow to go smoothly and with fewer tears. Pray for Darian to continue to enjoy school and have a great time whether here or there (and pray for us all as she undertakes the daunting task of learning how to play the oboe). Pray for Vern to rest and continue to "hold down the fort" until I get home. We kind of enjoy holding down the fort together!

Thanks for checking in on us. Keep the prayers coming because they have carried us through for over 20 months and we still have a very long way to go. We appreciate each and every one of you.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005 11:43 AM CDT

Just a quick update to let you know that we've had a great morning. It's 1:30pm and we've gotten the "all clear" to be moved up to 7W. The orders haven't been written yet, so in hospital time, we're hoping to be moved and settled by sometime early evening or so. We have one of the nurses, Nichole, from 7W today because she got "pulled" to come down to the ICU. We're very glad to have someone we know. They removed Miriam's "A-line" which is a humongous IV that goes into the artery on the inside of the wrist and they removed the IV they had hidden under all that tape, as well. She really wanted that gone!! This morning, the Drs. Antekeier (I know, husband and wife - can you believe it?) removed Miriam's bandages and the incision looks great - as incisions go. It does not go around her back, as we had thought and the "t" juncture seems to be healing very well. They were both very pleased with what they saw. She now just has small dressings laying over the incision so that her brace does not irritate it. She has been moving her foot on her right leg, very well, and has even been able to bend her knee very slightly. She has also been given the okay to eat solid foods, as tolerated. Dr. Buecker just came by and checked everything out, as well. He said that he has never had a patient go through this type of surgery and be in this good of a position. I think that Miriam puts a little awe into these doctors with her attitude, her gentle nature and her sweet smile. I praise God EVERY DAY that I am privileged to see that smile.

Vern and I are so proud of her God-given strength and determination to overcome everything that she has been through. Miriam sat on the front porch Sunday and prayed for quite awhile. I don't know what she and God spoke about, but I know surely that He has listened to her prayers and petitions. She continues to display her courage on a moment by moment basis. God has been very good in allowing her body to handle all of the "bumps" and keep on going strongly. Our big prayer requests, for now, are that no infection set in and that the healing in her incisions, nerves and muscles would happen quickly and without event.

Vern is staying with us today and then picking up Darian and all of the things that we need for Miriam's room upstairs - and coming back to spend the evening. We've been on an "Anne of Green Gables" kick so we've seen volume I and II and are anticipating watching volume III this afternoon. (Mamaw and Papaw loaded her up with DVDs before we left for the hospital.)

We are very thankful for all of the prayers. To say nothing but "thank you" for all of your thoughts and prayers, seems so small - but know that we value each and everyone of you lifting up prayers on our family's behalf. Miriam has been able to move along much more quickly than anticipated and we know where all the glory belongs! Again, we also thank God for raising up such skillful doctors with compassionate hearts (and pretty blue eyes!)

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how things are going ... I'll keep you posted.

God is good and God is faithful. (Such an unbelievable understatement for how good He has been to us.)

We love you all.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005 6:49 PM CDT

Day Two with Bionic woman (okay, she's not bionic, but wouldn't that be neat???)

Miriam is feeling great (all things considered). She woke up, this morning at 4:00 a.m., and decided that it was the perfect time to watch a movie. So, I hooked up my computer and she watched a DVD while Vern and I fell back to sleep in our wonderfully comfortable, luxurious hospital recliners (you do know that I'm kidding, don't you???) I think that we saw every surgeon with hospital privileges at Kosair. We should have had a revolving door on our room. Our nurse friends, from the clinic, came over and brought Miriam a new outfit for her Build-A-Bear cat, Harmony, that one of the counselors at her middle school - last year - had made for her to travel around with different people this summer. When we came to the hospital yesterday, Harmony wore scrubs to match Dr. Buecker's!

Our friends from 7W came down to check on us and tell us they were waiting for us to "ascend"! Dr. Buecker and Dr. Antekeier have told us, that if all goes well, we will be going up tomorrow. All of the surgeons think that Miriam is doing fantastically and they are very respectful of her strength and determination. Brace Boy came in today and fitted her for her brace. It is a lovely purple color and will keep her from moving in to more than a 45 degree angle bend. Fortunately, she will be allowed to take it off when she sleeps. Dr. Buecker has told us that physical therapy will work with me, when we move to 7W, to be sure that I am comfortable with maneuvering her in and out of the reclining wheelchair and in and out of her bed. While we are in here, they will be delivering a hospital bed with a trapeze (makes it sound like we've joined the circus, doesn't it??) to our house to make it easier on us when we go home. Also, a small group from our church is building temporary ramps on to the front of our house so that I don't have to toss Miriam in through the front window. Dr. Cheerva and Dr. Soni came by to represent the oncology "arm of the law."

Vern brought Darian over after school and she was very happy to see her Sissy for a couple of hours. She loves middle school, but was very happy to get to see Miriam. When they left, Miriam dozed for a little while - but, of course, woke up in time for "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy." We're getting ready to watch a movie and then who knows what mischief we will get into. You know we are limited in our mischief options - after all - Miriam can't get out of bed and I have on my "sheep jumping over the fence pajamas with frog houseslippers". Just how far do you think they would let us go?????

Yesterday was day 600 since Miriam's original diagnosis and we cleared a number of important hurdles on the way to her recovery. Day 601 has been a pretty good one! Please continue to pray for all of the complications to stay away and for Miriam's body to stay strong and heal quickly. Pray NOW for the remainder of her pelvic bone to resist fracture when they allow her to touch her foot to the floor in the next couple of weeks. Pray for her incision to heal and for all of the nerves and muscles to recognize their new connections and locations.

Please pray for Darian to continue to enjoy school and keep a smile on her face. Pray for Vern to get some much-needed rest so that he can continue to do what he needs to do. We praise God for all of the wonderful people who are mowing our lawn, taking care of our dogs and doing all of the little things (that are not so little to us). We also are very grateful to God for the skillful hands of Dr. Foley, Dr. Antekeier and Dr. Buecker. Pray for Dr. Soni to continue to have wisdom in his planning of Miriam's future treatment. Me, you know it's all about the bon bons!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, August 15, 2005 10:12 PM CDT

Well, dear prayer partners, it is 11:30 p.m. and things have finally settled down around here. Let's see ... where to begin ...

We arrived at Kosair at 6:30 and our angel, Therese, was waiting for us in preop. So, we "preop-ed" and "preop-ed" some more until we couldn't "preop" anymore and Miriam was taken away on the heels of her favorite drug Versed. She was very relaxed (perhaps due to the blue eyes and reassurances of Dr. Buecker - okay maybe it was the Versed) and she was very ready to get this "thing" started, as were we. After being wheeled down the hall, heavily under the influence of drugs (why, oh why couldn't Vern and I be) we were off to the waiting room to - you know - wait! They took her back at 8:30 and we received our first update at 10:00 saying they had just begun the surgery. We received updates every hour and we had a steady stream of friends to keep our minds occupied, the prayers going, and the laughter coming. Our nurse buddies, exhausted from a full morning at the oncology clinic, came by to visit and of course, that fellow we love - Dr. Soni - came by to check on his girl. Finally, at 3:00, we received the update for which we had been waiting. Dr. Buecker came out and told us that he and Dr. Foley had been able to remove the entire tumor and he felt relatively confident that they were able to leave only negative margins (meaning that no cancer cells were left in the surrounding area). If pathology confirms this, Miriam will most likely not have to have radiation. We are definitely praying for the pathology report to come back completely clean on the margins. They removed a good portion of her pelvic bone, her entire pubis bone and the "end" of the left pubis bone (as a precaution if the cancer had jumped the midline), her hip joint and the top part of the femur. They were able to save the sciatic nerve - so they were able to save her leg. PRAISE GOD FOR THAT BLESSING. So, on the surgery went. We continued to receive hourly updates and finally, at 6:30, Dr. Antekeier came out to say that they were finishing up and everything had gone very well. Dr. Buecker came out to speak with us at 7:00 and told us that the anesthesiologists were trying to decide whether to leave Miriam on the ventilator, or not. Another praise God - they didn't leave her on the ventilator.

Amazingly enough, by 7:45 we were with her in her ICU room, she was awake claiming to "be parched" and demanding water (and I do mean demanding) and being pretty high-spirited about wanting the oxygen tube out of her nose. She won on all counts. We were allowed to give her ice chips and the oxygen was taken away. By 10:00, she had moved on to full blown liquids, with the promise that food would most likely be allowed tomorrow. We had been prepared, by the doctors, for her to not eat or drink - for two days - and to be asleep most of the time. I kept telling them - you do know it's Miriam, don't you?? She wants moved to 7W and she wants to go home.

Our only hitch was that, even though they had inserted an epidural - it was not actually "hooked up" to any medicine during the surgery (don't worry - it was needed during surgery - just after). Then, the anesthesiologist got caught in another surgery and it took a determined Nurse Stacy to get Miriam the drugs she needed, and eventually to have the epidural hooked up to the "good stuff." By the time she received her pain medication, she was in EXTREME pain, to say the least and not at all happy about it (can't say that we were either). That was our only glitch of the day, so it's hard to complain too much.

They decided against placing a spica cast on Miriam (Dr. Buecker felt that it would be adding "torture" to an already painful situation)--(another praise God) so we're going straight into a brace (as soon as she's fitted for one) and a wheelchair (which she'll be in for three or four months). Right now, she has more tubes than you can count (epidural, catheter, drains, IVs, both central lines are running), and she has stimulators on both of her legs to decrease the chance of blood clots. She is resting comfortably (thanks to wonderful medication) and she looks great. We've already seen several of our buddies from 7W and we've told them "we're coming ... we're coming".

Thank you for all of your prayers. Miriam continues to hold fast to her faith and to her unbridled determination to heal fast and move forward. We are so thankful for her spirit and her strength. Please pray for her body to resist any infection, for the pain medication to keep the pain away, for the incisions to heal well, for all of the nerves and muscles to "work" in the next few days, and for her grit and gumption!

Please pray for Darian as she goes to school, each day, and doesn't have her Sissy home with her. Pray for Vern to stay strong and to keep doing what needs to be done. Me - I brought my bon bons with me!!! (At least that's what Vern thinks is in the gigantic suitcase I packed for the ICU)!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, August 14, 2005 7:16 AM CDT

Tomorrow's the day - so pray, pray, pray.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, August 12, 2005 11:32 AM CDT

We had what we thought was a preop lab appointment this morning at the clinic. However, it seemed we needed to see the doctor before Miriam's surgery on Monday. God had that worked out, as well, because Dr. Soni happened to be at the clinic today. Miriam's platelets were excellent and her hemoglobin was very good. Unexpectedly, and much to the surprise of everyone, Miriam's wbc was only 1.6 and her ANC was only 600. My heart began to beat out of my chest as I considered all the ramifications of her low ANC. The nurses, and then Dr. Soni, told us that we could just put her back on shots - over the weekend - and her ANC would be fine on Monday. Dr. Soni said that, with her not being ill and her other numbers being so high, it didn't make sense so he was going to check the slide himself. Anyway, Dr. Soni was unconcerned. We are still going to be able to "party" our weekend away, but we are going to have to hit the off-hours - just to be safe. Dr. Soni also gave me a copy of the bone scan report. It seems that the bone scan, when compared with the x-rays that were taken last week, confirm that Miriam's right 5th rib is healing from a recent fracture. Dr. Soni said it was most likely caused by stress due to the fact that the 5th rib has no support (remember she's made of playdough underneath that rib). So, at least no chest surgery on Monday, in addition to everything else.

After leaving the clinic, we headed home so that she could have her shot right away. Then we had a couple of errands and ended with a trip to Build-A-Bear to buy a gift for a friend. My sister met us there, for a few minutes, and we all oohed and aahed over the bears. Build-A-Bear has a series of bears that, when purchased, result in money being donated to children's cancer research.

Miriam has her first meeting with her German teacher this afternoon. Then we're off to an early dinner at The Fish Market, which is one of Miriam's favorite restaurants. We were going to the movies after, but now we're waiting until the first show tomorrow or Sunday - to avoid the big crowds. We're planning on going to church and Miriam is fitting in one last flute lesson before surgery. After our hectic weekend, Miriam will be ready to sleep for a day or two. Now if we could just convince them to "dope us up" for a day or two - we'd be great!

Please continue to pray for the surgery to go well. Pray for God to bless the hands of each of the doctors as they operate on Miriam. Pray for Dr. Soni as he decides Miriam's future treatment. Pray for our family to have a relaxing weekend together and just enjoy the moments, without worry. Dr. Soni told me not to worry this weekend and to let him take care of the worrying. So, I think I will let God and Dr. Soni take care of everything and I'll just take care of the bon bons and soap operas!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005 2:11 PM CDT

You take the good ... you take the bad ... and everywhere you go, you have the facts of life ... the facts of life (does anybody remember that show?? It was a big one with me when I was in my youth.) Anyway, that's how life is. If we didn't have "bad" such as sorrow and pain, how would we ever know the fullness of the joy that God can provide.

We've had a lot of good. We had a great weekend together, as a family. We were able to go to church and do a lot of school shopping. We are actually tired of shopping!! I know, can you believe I just typed that???? We've had quite a bit of family time, in anticipation of living apart for a little bit of time. We've walked school schedules (even Miriam who won't be walking her school schedule). Yesterday, we had a meeting at Miriam's school and PRAISE GOD everyone was wonderful and she is going to be able to achieve everything that she wanted to this year. Of course, she won't be able to take PE this year, but amazingly enough, I hear no sad words coming out of her mouth over that one!!!

Now, the bad (which taken as a whole, isn't really bad - just a nuisance). Miriam had her bone scan, this morning, and I could clearly see (with my untrained nurse's eye) that the lesion in her chest was still present. It is on the rib above the previously resected area. I emailed Dr. Soni to let him know that he'd be hearing from the radiologist, but I have no idea what decisions will be made. This same spot was indicated on her bone scan on April 28, but the MRI and CT did not support that it was cancer ... so, we'll see what happens. Either way, she still has a few ribs left and probably doesn't really need them anyway! How many ribs does one young lady really need, after all??? We'll just pray for the spot not to be cancer. I'm sure I'll be hearing something while we're in next week. It wasn't unexpected, but we were sure hoping that it would have magically disappeared from the April 28 scan. (UPDATE TO THIS PARAGRAPH 8/10/05 - 10:00 P.M.: I received an email from Dr. Soni, in response to mine, wherein he reaffirms that he feels the chest "spot" is from the previous reconstruction. He is, however, going to take care to make sure and - if there is any doubt at all - he is going to have that section removed, on Monday, as well.)

Today was Darian's first day of middle school and she had a ball. I don't know who was more excited, Miriam or Darian. When we went to pick her up, Miriam about jumped out the window waiting for Darian to come out of the school...she was so excited to hear about Darian's day. How can I possibly be old enough to have no one in elementary school any more - and yet I have a lot of gray hair to prove that I am old enough! (Although I'm blaming that gray hair thing on Vern. Somehow, I'm sure it must be his fault!!!)

Tomorrow, Miriam is beginning her homebound program and I praise God for such a group of wonderful teachers. Friday, of course, we are off to the clinic for preop bloodwork. Vern's taking off a few hours in the afternoon so that we can go to the movies and out to one of Miriam's favorite restaurants - since we won't be getting out much for a while. This weekend, I'm sure we'll be packing in all that we can and, of course, there's no doubt as to where we'll be on Monday.

Please pray for the surgery to go well and for Miriam to heal very quickly. She is already planning to come home and she hasn't had her surgery yet! (Actually, I'm with her on the home thing. There's no place like home).

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:45 PM CDT

I'm sorry if you've been checking for an update, but we are living in a world where we're trying to fit in some last-minute adventure, before Miriam's surgery.

Our appointment on Wednesday evening went GREAT! Dr. Buecker was wonderful (and Miriam is still swooning over his eyes - but remains true to Dr. Soni). I'm not going to detail everything he told us, but here is our plan. He feels that he will be able to remove the entire cancerous area (mind you, a lot of Miriam is going with him!) There are many complications that could arise along the way - one of the most dangerous being that they are unable to save the sciatic nerve and, thereby, unable to save the leg. This is NOT what he expects to happen and, PRAISE GOD, her scans from yesterday revealed that the soft tissue mass is almost completely gone, so we're pretty much down to just bone cancer (I know "just" bone cancer. You have to live in the world of cancer to appreciate that!) So, we should be safe on the sciatic nerve front.

Miriam's surgery will be on Monday, August 15. They are expecting the surgery to last between 10 and 12 hours! How's that for a marathon day??The doctors are planning on removing most of Miriam's right pelvic bone, her pubis bone, her hip joint and part of her femur. They will insert a saddle prosthesis (no, not what you put on a horse - but it looks like it). This prosthesis will hold the remainder of her pelvic bone, being attached with pins (superglue, tape, bubblegum, etc.) and then a rod will be inserted into the remainder of her femur. Her incision will run from under her bellybutton in front to the bone, at the base of your spine in the back. Then at a "T" section, an incision will run down her right leg. I'm trying to convince her to let me have the doctors tatoo something on her incision (while they're in there) like "I Love Orlando", or "I love Mom" - but she's not buying it. After the surgery, she'll be in some type of immobilizer (makes her sound like a superhero - The Immobilizer) which will probably be a cast of some sort. They honestly haven't figured that part out as of yet. Then, she'll move into a wheelchair for a couple of months and then onto walking, probably with a cane. Dr. Buecker says that he would love for her to be the one who proves to him that a cane isn't necessary.

The above is the scenario that we are holding fast to and praying for diligently. If other cancer is found, or the portion of the pelvic bone can't be spared - we'll be moving on to other options.

We MUST pray for no infection to set into Miriam's incision. She has had a great deal of chemo and the "T" incision is often difficult to heal. Folks, we've been praying away infections for 21 months - so hang in there with me. There is also a risk of fracture to the pelvic area due to the prostethsis. There will be movements that Miriam can't make (she'll probably translate that into not emptying the dishwasher, washing clothes or cleaning her room. After a while, I'll let her know I'm "on to her tricks!")

You know, we were there two hours and I could go into details that would make your heads spin and your hearts drop. So, let's stick to the basics. Pray for Plan A to be the plan, pray for no infection and pray for quick healing. We want to come home as fast as possible.

Today, we met our buddy Kristin and went to see "Must Love Dogs". In our house it's "Must Love John Cusack". How is it that I've convinced my daughters to have crushes on the same guys that I had crushes on 25 years ago? You know, it must be that "love the older man" thing rubbing off on them - and why not - when the older man in our house is such an incredible husband! Tonight, a slumber party (don't tell Vern he's going to be surrounded by girls!)

Next week, Miriam will have a bone scan just to make sure that the cancer hasn't migrated someplace else, while she's been on chemo. (Not expected - it's a safeguard.) Then, on Friday, we're going back to the clinic for her pre-op labs.

I'll be updating before then, just to fill you in on the silliness in our lives. In the meantime, you know our requests. The good thing is that anything we don't specifically ask for - God already knows - so He's got our backs!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, August 3, 2005 11:46 PM CDT

It's 1:00 a.m. Thursday morning, so I'm going to be brief. Our appointment, this evening, went REALLY well. We loved Dr. Buecker (for Miriam it had something to do with his "deep blue eyes" - Dr. Soni had better watch out!!) The news was very encouraging - in the grand scheme of things. PRAISE GOD.

Today, we have to be at Kosair all day for scans and tests, and then I have a meeting for Community Bible Study from 5-10 so I'll try to slip an update in either late tonight or early Friday morning. Well, I'm off to bed.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, August 2, 2005 11:24 AM CDT

Hello Friends. Miriam had a counts appointment today and her counts were good. Her wbc is 10.3, her hemoglobin is 9.4, her platelets were 46 and her ANC was 8700. She is now "flying on her own" and we are thankful that yesterday was her last shot for awhile.

READER BEWARE: Today, I'm going to "mix it up a bit" and post a bit of an unusual entry. After all - don't you tire of reading the same old, same old all the time? Today, we are embarking on a tale of heroism, love and faith...

Now, I have a "God"tale to tell you. It's similar to a "fairytale" only it really happened. I've already told you that we are meeting with Dr. Peter Buecker tomorrow at Dr. Antekeier's office. Now here is where the God part comes in (not that He's not in everything - but you'll see what I mean).

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young lady named Miriam, who was diagnosed with an evil and insidious disease. Miriam was treated with love, care (and lots of poisonous drugs and surgery) and she was released into the world to live a teenage life. Not long after, however, the evil and insidious disease found its way back to Miriam and decided to attempt to break her beautiful spirit once again. The disease had been warned, however, that more people than it could possibly imagine would be praying for this special young lady and that it would have the fight of its life on its hands if it intended to win! Miriam was once again forced to "prick her finger" on the thorn of poisonous medicines and undergo operations of mystical magnitude. For these operations, three fair princes (okay, okay, we'll call them doctors) were required to be attentive to her needs. The First Doctor (we'll call him Dr. Antekeier), an orthopaedic surgeon from the far away land of Louisville - tall, dark and boyish looking - he was prepared to take the challenge. The Second Doctor (we'll call him Dr. Nagaraj), short, dark and answering to the name of "Golden Hands", was also up to the challenge. But where - where would our Third Doctor be found? Lo and behold, our heroine's mother (we'll call her Queen - I like that!) received a call from the First Doctor telling her that he had arranged for the three doctors necessary, and the Third Doctor (we'll call him Dr. Buecker) was an orthopaedic doctor who just recently finished a fellowship in oncology in the distant Kingdom of Boston. Now little did the Queen (doesn't that have a nice ring to it?) know what a miracle God had provided for her young lady of the Kingdom of Eswine. It seems that Third Doctor had only recently finished his Fellowship in Oncology, with his first day in his new position as Orthopaedic Oncologist being AUGUST 15. Now, we all know what the young lady of the kingdom will be doing on August 15 and now we know what the Third Doctor (who God sent to a fellowship in Boston and brought home on the heralded day) is going to be doing on August 15. He is going to be joining First Doctor and Second Doctor in trying to rid our young heroine of the evil and insidious disease that ails her. All of the kingdom will be praying and God will be planning His next move! All the while, our young heroine will hold fast to her true prince, Number One Doctor (we'll call him Dr. Soni), who has been with our heroine, from the beginning, and will be with her long after First Doctor, Second Doctor, and our newly God-provided Third Doctor have ridden away to save other heroes and heroines suffering from the evil beast named cancer.

Once again God has met our needs. Please pray for our appointment, tomorrow, with Dr. Buecker. Pray that we will have wisdom to make the decisions required of us. Please continue to pray for Dr. Antekeier, Dr. Nagaraj, Dr. Buecker and Dr. Soni to have discernment in the decisions that they make regarding Miriam's treatment. We really are battling a "beast", but we are praying to a Mighty God as He continues to meet our needs.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, July 31, 2005 5:10 PM CDT

We're home! We had a wonderful weekend. By the time we arrived in Indy, on Friday, we were pretty tired. We had gotten two rooms, at the downtown Hyatt, so we just opened the adjoined doors, unpacked and ordered room service. Saturday, we woke up refreshed and ready for action. We walked, via the pedway, to the Circle Center Mall and began our shopping adventure. Let's see, we bought Darian school clothes at Limited Too. I was beginning to run out of time to shop for Darian before school begins. By the end of the day (which was relatively early since Miriam tends to tire a little easily (wonder why??), we allowed Vern to walk down the mall carrying bags from Limited Too, Bath & Body Works (is there a better store??), Lane Bryant and Doubleday Books. Believe me, he's man enough to carry off such a trick. He always jokes about being the "mule" but we are very thankful that chivalry is not dead in our household.

Saturday night, we ate at one of our favorites, P.F. Changs. Full from shopping and eating, we snuggled into bed to watch "Ice Princess." (I'm telling you that my husband is very loved and very secure!) It was another late night and we were thankful for our heads to hit our pillows.

We slept really late Sunday, checked out, and began our trek home. Not having fulfilled our quota, we stopped at the outlets mall to visit the kitchen store (you all know how much I cook) and yet another bookstore.

It's 6:30 now, Vern's out mowing the lawn, the girls are trying to wrap up the final season of "Friends" (I know - are we never going to be finished?) Later, it's more snuggling and probably another silly movie (they are our favorites, you know!)

This will be a pretty busy week for us. I have several meetings regarding Community Bible Study and Vern has to work so that we can keep a roof over our heads (and lots and lots of shoes in our closets). Darian is going to try to clean her room, completely, before school starts. Trust me, she may go in and we have to tie a rope to her to pull her back out if we can't find her!!! Miriam has to refine her completed honors English project. Both girls register for school this week. Since owning your own business is such a party, I'll be spending a lot of my time this week working since it's my billing week and Vern tends to actually want the invoicing to go out so the money comes in. Can you imagine????

We have to be at the clinic at 8:00 Tuesday for a counts appointment. Miriam's CT and MRI are on Thursday morning. Please pray for everything that we have going this week.

We did receive a telephone call from Dr. Antekeier, before we left on Friday. It seems that Miriam will have a "trifecta" operating on her. Dr. Antekeier, Dr. Buecher (I'll let you know how to spell his name later - he's a muscular/skeletal doctor who specializes in oncology) and Dr. Nagaraj. We are meeting with Dr. Buecher, at Dr. Antekeier's office this Wednesday so that he can lay out our options for us. The first surgery, whatever it will be, has been tentatively scheduled for August 15. Please pray fervently for Dr. Antekeier, Dr. Buecher, Dr. Nagaraj and our Dr. Soni to be blessed with wisdom regarding the decisions they are making for Miriam. They are working diligently, yet cautiously, to provide Miriam with the best outcome possible. Please pray for each of these special men.

Pray for Darian as she gets ready for school. She is so excited, but for obvious reasons, would rather be home with us. Please pray for Vern as he "juggles" his responsibilities to be everywhere at one time. Me - you know the routine!

God is good and Good is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, July 29, 2005 2:28 PM CDT

Just a quick note to let you know that Miriam's tank was running low again today - this time blood! Her hemoglobin had dropped from 8.9 on Tuesday to 7.1. She hasn't received any blood, since her last chemo, so it wasn't a complete surprise - but we were hoping! Her ANC is still 1100 and her wbc has only risen to 1.8 (oh how we love carboplaten)! Her platelets were 51 - yeah! By the time the blood arrived, she was "hooked up and filled up" we didn't leave the hospital until about 2:30. Dr. Soni stopped by for just a moment and placed his official seal of approval on our trip out-of-town (kind of like the Good Housekeeping seal of approval, only in the medical field). After leaving the hospital, we ran (okay, we drove - can you SEE me running - not a visual I want you to have) past Target to pick up a few essentials for our trip (I know - we have mastered the art of shopping in preparation for shopping!!!)

We are packing, as quickly as we can, and heading off on our weekend - fit as much as we can into two days - vacation! Keep the prayers coming for Miriam's scans on Thursday and the decisions that Dr. Antekeier and Dr. Soni will be making regarding Miriam's treatment. Please keep us in your prayers - that we might travel safely and that the Good Lord will allow us a beautiful weekend with no unexpected issues.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005 5:29 PM CDT

It's 6:30, on Wednesday and Miriam is a "quart low" no longer! We finally got the call, today at 2:00 p.m., that Miriam's platelets had arrived. I'm ashamed to say that, my first thought was, the platelets for Miriam have certainly traveled a lot more than me! (Okay, so it wasn't my very first thought. Perhaps, thank you God, might have been the VERY first thought!) So, we were off to the hospital. It's 6:30 and we just got home. Because it was the afternoon, Miriam's Benadryl didn't put her to sleep, so we watched The Food Network, read the Bible and talked (we're really good at the talking part!)

Darian spent the day with the Castleman family and, come to think of it, she's now spending the night! I can only imagine all of the fun she's having and I can't wait to hear about it. She did message a picture to me on my cellphone, so I think I have the general idea.

Our plan (like we have really have one) is to return to the clinic, for counts, at 8:00 on Friday. Miriam is at the point in her post-chemo treatment recovery, that her counts should be on their way up - including the platelets - so hopefully no more transfusions until after the next treatment. Her wbc and ANC were on their way up Tuesday and her hemoglobin was hanging in there at a very respectable level.

Anyway, I've got to go fix dinner or who knows what Miriam might do!

PLEASE, PLEASE take the time to go donate platelets. As you can see, the need is great, and not always met.

I'll update on Friday. Our plan, right now, is still to leave town! Yeah!!!

Please keep praying for Miriam's body to stay strong. God has allowed her body and her spirit to stay strong and positive through this whole experience, and we are counting on His grace to allow that to continue. Please pray for Miriam's homebound schooling experience to be positive. Pray for her teachers to be compassionate and willing to go that extra mile. Please pray for Darian as she gets ready to to to school in two weeks. Pray for her relationship with her friends and teachers. Pray for Vern as he is taking three very experienced "women of shopping" to Indy, this weekend, and is a man who likes to see his women happy. Me, pray for my family and you've covered it all.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005 9:27 AM CDT

UPDATE Julyl 27, 10:20 a.m. We are still waiting on Miriam's platelets. I spoke with the doctor's office, this morning, and the platelets are being shipped in (by plane, train, automobile, horseback, camel??) and we are waiting on a call to tell us to go to the hospital. If you are physically able, PLEASE DONATE PLATELETS. The low supply of platelets is an ongoing battle for children with cancer (and others). Please donate the two hours that you would go and see a movie and HELP SAVE A CHILD'S LIFE.

July 26:
We had a good weekend, but it was very busy - all things considered. Vern rock & rolled Friday and Saturday nights. While he and Darian were at church on Sunday, Miriam and I took a very long drive - just to clear our heads (I know what you're thinking) and enjoy God's beauty all around us. I attended a baby shower, for a friend, Sunday night and then we chilled and watched the never-ending show that involves six mildly deranged people, living together for way too long of a time, suffering from many, many hang-ups (you know it was "Friends").

Yesterday, we hung around the house because we weren't sure which way Miriam's counts had gone. We have had one mild misstep - for lack of a better term. On Sunday, Miriam's left pierced ear began to swell and bleed. I began cleaning it off with alcohol (she loved that!) and then putting neosporin on it. By Monday, it was down to normal size, but still bleeding a little (low platelets are wonderful!). Last night, she began to have an earache and she and I spent our morning hours (from 4:00 to 7:00) solving all of the problems of the world because she couldn't sleep. We went to the clinic this morning, for counts, but I told them that we needed to see the doctor (which was supposed to be Dr. Soni - but that wiley little rascal escaped us again). Under normal conditions, I would have just taken a "watch and see" attitude regarding her ear; however, these are definitely not normal conditions. It turns out she had the "beginnings" of an ear infection so Dr. Raj prescribed a five-day antibiotic and ear drops. Miriam's counts were on their way up - sort of. Her wbc was 1.7, her hemoglobin was 8.9 and she had an ANC of 1100. All Good. Praise God. Her platelets were 12 (oops!) and she needed a transfusion. Things are not always as easy as they seem, however. Miriam is A-, RH- and CMV- (cmv is a virus in the blood that most people carry). Platelets are always in short supply, but today they were available - of course, none that were CMV-! So, we were sent home to hang out and stay away from anything that might cause her to bruise or bleed. We are to call the clinic tomorrow and, hopefully, platelets will be available. If not, they will consider transfusing with CMV platelets, but they will only do this if it is an emergency (I know, just what is an emergency under our everyday conditions???) because they try to transfuse transplant patients with matching products.

After we left the clinic, the real excitement began. We drove to the drugstore, to have Miriam's prescriptions filled. She complained that her belly hurt a little so I asked her if she wanted a DQ hotdog. Well, you would have thought I had a pregnant woman in the car (no offense to all of you out there)! She said, "Oh, mom, I wish you hadn't said that." I threw her a hospital blanket that I carry in the car and she threw up a little bit of everywhere. It's been a long time since I've pulled over to clean up "stuff". I still had several errands that I needed to run and prescriptions to be picked up in 30 minutes. So ... I stopped by our office and asked our Vicki (thank you, thank you Vicki) to run my errands for me and bring the prescriptions to our house. Surely, Vern couldn't have needed her NEARLY as much as I needed her at that moment.

So, as of right now, I've cleaned the car (it needed it anyway), Miriam is taking a nap (she needed it anyway) and Darian is playing video games (not needed!) We still managed quite a few laughs today, but we've shed some tears. Some days are just harder than others, and quite honestly, none of them are nearly as easy as I try to make them sound.

We are planning on going out-of-town this weekend, if Miriam's ear cooperates. It is the last weekend that we will have available to leave town until late next summer or early fall (due to the transplant recovery time) so we are really hoping that it works out.

Please keep praying for Miriam's body to stay strong. Any infection, for her, has the potential to be life-threatening for her (and we have enough of that already!) Please pray for Darian, as she sees far more than an 11 year-old should see, and we're not finished yet. Please pray for Vern, who panics when Miriam sneezes - can you imagine what he feels when he hears the words "infection" and "throw up." Me - it's all soap operas and bon bons (although I think I'm laying off the bon bons today in light of the throwing up thing and all).

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, July 22, 2005 12:07 AM CDT

Yeah, it's Friday!!!!! We haven't done much of anything exciting since Tuesday. We've been watching more "Friends" (yeah, yeah - can you tell how thrilled I am?) Wednesday, we went to the library. Darian had several books, with late fees, so I told her that we needed to return them and pay the fines before they arrested her and put her in jail. Poor innocent child, for a few minutes, she believed me, and was very worried that she was headed toward the land of orange jumpsuits. After I saw the look of fear and heard the question "Will they really arrest me?" - I thought it best to tell her the truth. Always nice to see that your children still need you!

Thursday morning we rested. Miriam is the queen of late-morning sleep-ins. You know there has to be some benefit to this! Miriam then spent two hours on Algebra followed by a flute lesson. She and her flute teacher, Amy, have far too good of a time to actually accomplish anything!! I sometimes wonder if they are planning on playing the flutes or just planning on solving all of the problems of the world. There is far too much laughter going on in my familyroom during flute lessons. (Okay, in this house there is no such thing as too much laughter - but they are a funny pair.) Last night - more "Friends" after Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, of course.

This morning, we had an 8:00 counts appointment. Miriam's counts have taken a vacation for a few days. Her wbc was .3, her hemoglobin was 9.3 (yeah), her platelets were 26 and her ANC was 0. So, since she was a quart low, off to the OMO we headed. Miriam, having to be medicated to receive platelets so she doesn't have a reaction, slept fitfully for a few hours while Darian and I amused ourselves. Trust me, we can amuse ourselves pretty easily.

Right now, we're getting ready to watch more "Friends". We are about 1/3 of the way through season 8 with only one more season to go!!!! Yeah. I'm so thankful that the show isn't on anymore. Vern has a band gig tonight and tomorrow night, so we will probably finish up the "Friends" series this weekend. I know that he will be so sad that we are watching them without him. Who knew that he'd rather go sing and blow his trumpet from 9 to 2:30 a.m. just to get out of watching "Friends"???? He'll probably rival Miriam, in the sleep-in arena, this weekend!

Please continue to pray for Miriam's body to stay strong. Dr. Soni dropped by today and will be discussing her treatment plan with Dr. Antekeier. The surgeries, chemo, radiation and stem cell have to be done, in just the right order, for the best results. Her scans have been scheduled for August 4. She is very happy, because even though she won't be at school all year, at least she will be able to go to registration and maybe meet a few teachers.

Please pray for Darian as she is preparing to begin middle school. She is so excited, but it is hard for her to leave us during the day. (We make her think it is so fun around here when really we work, we clean, Miriam sleeps, and we wait for Darian to get out of school.) Please pray for Vern to have the desire to work (the money keeps us out of jail) and to have a peace while he is not with us. (I'm never sure if he's nervous because he's gone and Miriam has cancer or if he just doesn't trust us alone!!!)

Me, you know - it's bon bons and soap operas!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005 8:22 AM CDT

Let's see, where to begin??? We had a pretty lazy weekend. Miriam, of course, received her new Harry Potter book on Saturday, via UPS and by Sunday morning - had read it to completion. She is now on her second reading, in the eternal search to find hidden secrets she missed the first time through. Darian had a great time at camp last week and even won "Camper of the Week" which made her cry, her dad cry, me cry later at the hospital, some of our friends cry. Who knew that an award could make so many people cry?? The plaque is beautiful and she was very excited.

We enjoyed our weekend, as a family, and made the adjustment - yet again - to all sleeping under one roof! Praise God. No one sleeps well when we are all separated and Vern was very lonely without anyone at home with him late in the evening. (I kept telling him the dogs were with him, but he didn't seem to think that counted.) The girls miss each other very much, when we are apart, and it took them a good two hours to start the "sisterly" disagreements that just make my heart warm. (Okay, sometimes it gets on my nerves, but it is always good to hear them just being "sisters.)

All in all, it was a relaxing weekend for which we thank God for providing. This morning, we had a counts appointment at 8:00 and, much to our surprise, Miriam actually had some - counts! Her wbc was up to 1.4, her hemoglobin is trying to hang in there at 10.3, her platelets were a respectable 90 and she even had an ANC - 1200! After thinking of all the things that we could do, we settled on coming home because, getting up at 6:30 made Miriam want a nap and Darian has some reading to complete for the summer reading program. I am going to the store, because if I don't, we are going to start having to eat the fish out of the fishtank, coupled with dandelion greens out of the yard! (Yes, my friends, our larder is bare!!!) We're going to have a relaxing dinner tonight and then beat Vern in some board games (don't tell him - we like to make him think that he stands a chance).

We don't have to return to the clinic until Friday at 8:00. By that time, Miriam will probably need both blood and platelets, so we'll be packed for the day at the OMO. Until that time, we'll eat, we'll shop, we'll read, we'll give Vern all the grief we can (again, don't give him a heads up!) and we'll be together - which, ultimately, is our true pleasure.

We have no dates for anything, although Miriam's scans should be scheduled soon. Dr. Soni felt like her first surgery would be sometime the first week or two of August. After that, we'll be on a schedule made up of surgeries, chemo, radiation and topped off with stem cell transplantation. Please continue to pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and fight the cancer. Please pray for Darian to enjoy the rest of her summer and be enthusiastic about getting up at 6:30 when school begins. Pray for Vern to stay motivated to work and to stay motivated to put up with the three of us (not that we ever gang up on him or anything!). Me, you know it's the same old, same old.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, July 15, 2005 9:23 AM CDT

Well, we made it through the end of "hump" day on Wednesday and yesterday is now behind us. We had a very good day yesterday, but we are very happy that it's Friday. We are anxious to go home this evening and enjoy our next 4-5 weeks of sleeping in our own beds. The clinic and hospital may own us during the day, for tests, blood, platelets, doctor's visits - but at night - we get our own beds! Yeah!

We should be breaking free around 8:30 tonight. Vern is picking Darian up from camp today and then they will come over early this evening and hang out with us until we go home. I will be very happy to have the whole family back in one place again. Miriam's counts are low and her ANC is on its way to not existing for awhile, but that's okay because we will be home and we get to sleep in our beds! Do you notice a theme here????

Please continue to pray for the strength of Miriam's body. Right now, she feels great and we are praying for her body to continue to stay strong and fight the cancer. Please pray for Darian as we share with her what we've learned this week. Pray for Vern, as he is very tired, and is still having to fight the desire to stay home with us instead of go to work. Pray for our family to have a wonderful month together before we start the next phase of this journey and find out what blessings God has in store along the way.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 2:28 PM CDT

Let's see if I can fill you in on some of the excitement around here. Wait a minute ... let me think ... no - no excitement! It's 3:30 on Wednesday and Miriam hates "hump" day so, about 1/2 hour ago, she had Nurse Kasie give her the most wonderful thing in the world (you'd think it would be a mound of chocolate) - Benadryl. She decided that she could while away a few hours by sleeping. Unfortunately, they won't give me any so I have to stay awake. She said she planned to wake up just in time for Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy (does that make her sound about 85?) and some food.

Day Two yesterday went well. Miriam was very wound up and it was a crazy day. She and Nurse Bob were having quite a day sparring back and forth. At one point, Bob brought his supervisor in and they told Miriam that she had gotten him fired because she had "jokingly" complained about how horrible he was. She thought they were serious for a moment, but then realized they were paying her back. Dr. Soni dropped by to deliver the painting he had gotten for her in India. It is painted on silk, with real gold and it depicts two elephants fighting. He said that he bought her this so that she would continue to fight. It is very beautiful. She is going to have it framed and hang it in her room and I think she has plans to bring it back and forth to the hospital with us. She couldn't tell him "thank you" since she doesn't speak to him, so she is going to write him a note. This to her, is like when she emails him, it doesn't count as actually "speaking" to him.

Vern came over, last night, and they played while I went to a meeting regarding my Bible study. When I returned, the hospital had not burned down, and security had not been called, so I assume that they behaved themselves. We've had our buddy Kristin as our night nurse the last two nights (we're hoping to make it three in a row tonight) so we've been able to get some pretty good sleep. She is so quiet and we love her so we sleep through a lot of what she does. Miriam even sleeps through her blood draws at 4:00 a.m. YEAH! PRAISE GOD!

This morning, we woke up early and just chilled. I really mean "chilled" because the chemo makes Miriam hot - it is currently a whopping 62 degrees in our room. I had to have Vern bring me sweatshirts - it was that or be known as popsicle mom!! My friend Bev came and we "made" her play Harry Potter Uno with us. All I know is that I never won!! I think, perhaps, Bev and Miriam had a conspiracy going on.

That brings you up-to-date with us. Once we finish with hump day, it's all downhill until Friday night!

Please keep praying for Miriam's body to continue to handle the chemo as well as it does, to stay strong and keep fighting. Pray for Darian to enjoy the last few days of her church camp (rain and all) and pray for Vern's energy to be multiplied over and over again. Me - you know the same old, same old - bon bons and soap operas!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, July 11, 2005 8:43 PM CDT

Well, day one of chemo number 4,567 is finished (okay, I know it hasn't really been that many, but that makes it sound so much more exciting!) is over.

First, allow me cover the weekend. Miriam's wood floor was finally installed and we were able to load back in most of her furniture so that she could at least spend one night in her "new room" before checking in here. It is beautiful and she loves it. The dogs, however, are a little bit mystified. It seems that small dogs can't fly so they are trying to learn how to jump from a slippery hard wood floor up to Miriam's bed. We've had some pretty good crashes, but overall I'm giving them an Olympic 10 for effort. Angel mastered it much faster than Mr. Whiskers (but then Angel masters most things faster than Mr. Whiskers), but Mr. Whiskers was able to finally "stick his landing" and sleep with Miriam for the night. Earlier in the evening, we took Darian up to Scenic Hills Camp to spend the week. It was very hard leaving her because we don't like to be apart any more than we have to, but we all know she will have a great time (and she's not missing too much here).

I did get a call from the orthopaedic surgeon last Thursday where he explained, in more detail, the types and number of surgeries that he is anticipating performing on Miriam. For now, I'll just leave it at the basics - her right pelvic and hip area will be pretty much bionic when he's finished with her!!!

Today went well. We came to the hospital thinking that Dr. Soni was "on", but once again that slippery little rascal has eluded us! It seems Dr. Ahuja is the lucky guy who gets to anticipate what wild thing we'll do next. He is very funny and Miriam relates very well to him. Dr. Soni did drop by to chat and Miriam was very glad. She has missed him. He too went into a little more detail about Miriam's treatment and, if he does everything he says (including stem cell transplant) it looks like we might get her back to school in time for her sophomore year. Her cancer is responding so well to the chemo that he feels stem cell transplantation would be beneficial in the hopes of her long-term prognosis. As Miriam put it, the news was not unexpected, but still softened by the fact that "Dr. Soni was standing in front of her" when the news was delivered (I told you she thinks he's a cutie). We had hoped for a shorter treatment plan, but our ultimate goal is to increase her chance of survival, so what ya gonna do - what ya gonna do when they come for you????? (Please tell me you've heard that song.)

Miriam, as usual, feels great. We've watched movies, we've goofed around, we've taken pictures of our faces upside down looking like people without mouths (oh, maybe I wasn't supposed to share that part - but I do believe Vern was the winner for the goofiest upside-down face!), we've visited with our friends the Castlemans who just happened to be next door, and one of us has eaten everything that she could get her hands on (you're thinking me - but no, it was the young one!!!)

Please continue to pray for Miriam's body to stay strong because it has much, much more to endure. Please pray for all of us to maintain the positive attitudes with which God has blessed us. Pray for God to keep giving me crazy things to pass on to you. Please pray for Darian at camp this week, she likes to be home and she hates storms - so cover her with your prayers. Please pray for Vern, running here and there, to keep up the pace. We value each of your prayers and thank you for hanging in there with us ... it looks like we've got a long way to go ... but each day is a gift for which we are all profoundly grateful to God.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, July 7, 2005 4:30 PM CDT

It's 5:30 and I just got "the word" from Dr. Soni that we are definitely going in for another round of chemo on Monday. Miriam's tumor is responding very well to the chemo and we're going after more "shrinkage"!!!

You should have been there when he called. Miriam answered the phone (remember she doesn't speak to him because it's their "thing"). I'm standing there, talking to Amy (Miriam's flute teacher) and all of the sudden Miriam is thrusting the phone at me, with her hand over the mouthpiece saying "he said Miriam - it's Dr. Soni, I can't talk to him, mom, it's Dr. Soni." When I got on the phone, he was laughing (thank God for a good sense of humor) and pretty much no explanation was needed from there. Then, of course, we had to pull out pictures and show them to Amy so she would know what Dr. Soni looks like (let's just say that Miriam isn't unhappy when he's in the room!!) Ah, to be a teen again.

So, tonight we're off to Derby Dinner to see "Cats". We have to be at the clinic at 8:00 tomorrow for a pre-chemo doctor's visit. Then we're meeting our friend Kristin, who also is one of the night nurses on 7W, for lunch and then who knows what trouble we'll get into. In the evening, Miriam is going to a get-together at a friend's house to be with a few of her girlfriends for a few hours. Vern and I are going to take the time to get Darian ready for church camp, because she leaves on Sunday.

I probably won't be updating until Monday evening, but you just never know what might happen between now and then.

Thanks for all of your prayers, support and guestbook entries. Please keep praying for the tumor to keep responding really well to the chemo. Pray for Miriam's body to stay strong and for her attitude to be the ever-positive attitude that it always has been. Pray for Darian as she leaves us to go to church camp. It is very hard for us to be separated. Please pray for Vern as he will once again stretch himself thin to meet everyone's needs next week. Me - I'm packing the soap operas and bon bons!!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, July 6, 2005 12:43 AM CDT

Here's what we know...

Dr. Antekeier called me this morning at 9:00 and told me not to bring Miriam in for her appointment this afternoon. He had reviewed the CT and is heading to the hospital tomorrow to meet with Dr. Maxfield (radiologist) and Dr. Soni to review the CT and MRI in detail. We do know that Miriam's tumor is responding extremely well to the chemo (remember her last tumor was 13 centimeters by 8 1/2 centimeters by 12 centimeters when it was diagnosed, and at the time of surgery was only 2 1/2 centimeters by 1 centimeter by 2 centimeters) so the thinking now is that another round of chemo would even shrink the tumor more. We are VERY excited because Dr. Antekeier said Miriam has healed enough to "weight bear as tolerated" (that's doctorese - in humanspeak - it means she can walk as long as she doesn't feel pain or begin to limp)!!!! Long distances are out and stairs are limited to necessity - but she is just enjoying being able to get around on her own without me telling her to sit down! Now I'm waiting for someone to tell me to sit down!!!

I spoke with Dr. Soni this afternoon (don't you just know he is thrilled to be back from India dealing with all of us again) and I am to call him again tomorrow afternoon, after the "meeting of the minds" takes place. It does look like, however, we'll be at the clinic Friday morning for a pre-chemo doctor's appointment and then off to Kosair next Monday through Friday. I won't know anything for sure until I speak to him again tomorrow. Who knows, you may read this tomorrow and it says we're going in for surgery. Ah... the wonderful world of cancer. (Our plans tend to change as much as my weight!!!!)

Please continue to pray for Miriam's tumor to shrink to its smallest possible size. Dr. Antekeier definitely has in mind what he wants to see when he goes "in" and we definitely have in mind what we want to happen ... so just pray.

I'll let you know what we're doing sometime late tomorrow night. (At least what I'm told we're doing until I'm told something different!!!) Praise God for Dr. Soni's safe arrival back in the States. I just hope we don't scare him away....

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, July 5, 2005 2:34 PM CDT

We had a wonderful weekend with a lot of family time.

Today, my only purpose is to post a request that everyone focus their prayers on our appointment with Dr. Antekeier tomorrow and what Miriam's scans revealed to both Dr. Antekeier and Dr. Soni. We did receive a "preview" this morning from the Clinic that, according to a brief review of Miriam's CT by Dr. Soni, that Miriam's tumor is "much, much shrunk." Dr. Soni will be completely reviewing her CT and MRI tomorrow morning and then speaking with Dr. Antekeier. I am to speak with Dr. Soni tomorrow afternoon and then we are to be at Dr. Antekeier's office at 4:00.

Please pray for wisdom for the doctors in making the decisions regarding treatment for Miriam. We have never varied from our original goals: (1) for Miriam to live; (2) for Miriam to keep her leg; and (3) for Miriam to be able to walk after surgery. Please focus your prayers in these areas.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Saturday, July 2, 2005 7:38 PM CDT

Just thought I'd update you on what we've been up to since last we spoke. Okay, we haven't "spoken", but you get it!

Thursday morning, Miriam slept until almost 11:00. After all of the tests on Wednesday, Miriam was "pooped"! She and her flute teacher, Amy, played their flutes for awhile on Thursday. Well, I heard some flute playing! Mostly I heard a lot of giggling, talking and some whispering - that's what Miriam does when she is sharing with someone something stupid that I've said or done. Can you even begin to imagine how much she whispers????? The rest of the day, the girls played some video games and just chilled. Thursday night, Vern and I worked on getting the rest of Miriam's room ready for painting.

Praise God, Friday morning, my friend Bev came and - together - we painted Miriam's room. Another of our prayer partners, Mary, is going to add some butterflies to the stripe running around Miriam's room (we hope) and the look will be complete. Then, after seeing how good the room looked painted and empty, we decided that we might as well take advantage of the "empty" space and have her old carpet ripped up and a new floor put in. So, now we are having a wood floor installed on Wednesday. This will help keep her room more germ free and she loves the "cool touch" of the wood floor on her feet. She finally spent the last of her "Dream Factory" money and ordered all of the linens for her "new" room. I told her that, by the time we were finished, I was going to move into her room and she could sleep elsewhere. Right now, we are all having one big "camping" adventure in our room. Miriam is sleeping on the queen sleeper sofa and Darian is sleeping in her sleeping bag on our floor. Good thing we have a big bedroom or someone would have to sleep in the bathtub!!!

Friday afternoon, Miriam met with her algebra/geometry teacher and then Natalie came over for a few hours and they played and goofed around. On Tuesday, we took Miriam's friend, Katie, to see "Bewitched". You can see, we have been taking full advantage of the high ANC. Last night, we all crashed - too much adventure for one week.

This morning, we lazed around for a while (Vern and I lazed around a lot shorter time than those lazy girls of ours). Vern spent the day outside trimming bushes and working on painting the porch. He LOVES hot weather - the hotter the better. 110 degrees works for him and 10 degrees works for me. What is it about opposites attracting??? Early evening, we attended a friend's wedding. The wedding took place outside and the weather was beautiful.

Two more days of the holiday weekend to go. Think of the mischief that we can get into.... it isn't hard! Tomorrow church and cooking out and then Monday - who knows.

I had emailed Dr. Soni, in India, as to whether we should keep our appointment at the clinic on Tuesday morning because it will be packed with people - after the holiday. He emailed me back and said not to come so we don't even have to get up early Tuesday or Wednesday.

Dr Soni asked me to page him Wednesday afternoon, before our appointment with Dr. Antekeier, and he'll get with us then. So, as you already know, Wednesday is a big day for us. Please pray for God to give Dr. Antekeier and Dr. Soni wisdom as they are going to be making some big decisions in regard to Miriam's treatment.

We hope you all are enjoying your weekend as much as we are. We are praising God for the beautiful weather and the time to be together. There is just never enough time.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please continue to keep Brooke and her family, Tessa and her family, Laurel and her family, Joshua and his family and Kameron and his family in your prayers.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005 4:42 PM CDT

Well, we've made it through another day of hanging around the hospital. We registered at 12:00 and went over to Norton Nuc Med at 12:30 so that our friend, Monica, could make Miriam into "particular girl" for her GFR (her kidney function test). Then, we were off to get Miriam's CT at Kosair. Since the cancer is in her hip now, she has to drink the "stuff" that she didn't have to drink last time (because the constrast was injected into her central line). So, every half an hour for 1 1/2 hours, she drank a glass of fruit drink with constrast - can you say YUM YUM!!!! The CT actually only lasts a couple of minutes, but the after-taste of the constrast just stays with you.

Then, we were off to see our buddy, Brad, over in MRI2. He put in Miriam's Harry Potter CD, put the head phones on her ears and she listened to music while all her insides were being photographed! Isn't that just every girl's dream?

We didn't get home until almost 5:00 and we are pretty tired. The results of the scans will be online for the doctors tomorrow, but we are just going to wait until we meet with the orthopaedic surgeon next Wednesday. The scan results, in and of themselves, won't tell us anything in regard to where we are going in Miriam's treatment. When Dr. Soni returns from India, and then we meet with Dr. Antekeier, we should know what we want to know. Patience is a virtue, you know!

We ask that you focus your prayers on asking God to give Dr. Antekeier (Louisville orthopaedic surgeon), Dr. Sorger (Cincinnati orthopaedic surgeon) and our man Dr. Soni, wisdom and discernment in making the best decisions for Miriam's long term care. Also, please pray for Dr. Soni to have safe travel on his return trip from India.

We hope that you all enjoy your holiday weekend. We'll be painting, playing, eating, attending a friend's wedding, going to church and, of course - you know we'll be laughing till we drop!!! (Or, perhaps, one of us "dropping" may result in the others laughing!! - however it happens - works.)

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please continue to pray for Brooke, her family, and her doctors. Please pray for Laurel as she is having chemo this week. We praise God for clean six-month scans for Tessa. Please pray for Kameron's port removal surgery this Friday. Please pray for our good buddy Joshua to stay a healthy, happy 3 year-old.

Monday, June 27, 2005 1:42 PM CDT

We really had a great weekend. We really enjoyed going to Derby Dinner last Thursday, but because of the late night, we ended up resting on Friday and just having some family time. Saturday, we went to my neice's wedding and had a very nice time. Sunday, we were able to go to church with Vern and Darian and it was wonderful. The service was great and, once again, God chose George's message just for me. After church, we chilled and watched the movie "Racing Stripes." It was just an all around feel-good movie. Of course, the animals could communicate and the adults had trouble communicating - so it pretty much imitated reall life!! We laughed and laughed - but then you know we laugh pretty easily.

Last night, when I was changing Miriam's dressing, I noticed that the central line was working on having an "out of body" adventure - out of her body that is! I could go into all of the details, but let's just say that it's not a good thing. You have to remember the hours of surgery that Miriam underwent just to get the line in place. We had our counts appointment this morning and Miriam's counts are good. Her wbc is 7.3, her hemoglobin is 8.9, her ANC is 4400 and her platelets are going strong at 132. We ended up having to see the doctor, who contacted the surgeon, and then sent us over to Kosair. Miriam had to have a series of chest x-rays to make sure that the line was still in place. After that, we went up to the OMO to wait for the surgical resident. All things told, we were there for several hours, I've now assisted with another procedure - so I will definitely be hanging out my "shingle" any day now. Of course, you have to decide - do you want to see a "crazy" doctor who actually told her daughter that the surgical resident was writing "I love you Miriam" with the stitches?? Kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it??

That's it for today. Please pray specifically for the scans on Wednesday to reveal what the doctors want to see. Please pray for discernment and wisdom for Dr. Antekeier, Dr. Sorger and our man Dr. Soni. Pray for safe travel for Dr. Soni as he returns from India this weekend. Please keep praying for Darian's enjoyment of summer. Pray for Vern's strength and endurance. Me - you know the usual.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please keep praying for Brooke and her family to have wisdom and peace in their decision making. Please pray for Laurel and her family. Pray for clean results from Tessa' six-month scans today. Pray for clean results for Joshua's six-month MRI today. Pray for Kameron's port removal surgery on Friday and for his hair to keep on coming!

Thursday, June 23, 2005 8:58 AM CDT

Well, let's see, what have we done since Monday?

Monday, as you know, Miriam's counts were unexpectedly high. Not to every waste a high ANC, we were off to an early dinner at Logan's (moo meat always being a favorite of Miriam's), followed by a stint at the mall. Miriam found several cute outfits that made her dad's heart stop for a beat or two! Darian is hoping to one day outgrow her size 8/10 body so that she can wear some of the clothes her size 0 sister gets to wear. I keep hoping to outgrow my size 8/10 body, but I think I'm growing the wrong way!!! Vern and I have decided that, if we keep hanging around "girl who eats everything" we may have to buy a bigger house!!!! After our excursions, the girls were pretty tired (not to mention the adults!)

Tuesday, I managed to sneak out of the house, for a little while, and have lunch with my buddy "Jamie, the lasagna chef". The girls played video games, while I was gone, so I'm not sure that I was even missed. Darian is a major helper to me in meeting Miriam's needs. Remember, one of us isn't allowed to walk, except to go to the bathroom - and it isn't Darian or me!!! In the afternoon, Miriam met with Mrs. Dersch, who is helping her finish up algebra and get a start on geometry for the fall. Then Aunt DiDi came by for a nice early evening visit. Mr. Thomas (Miriam's band teacher) came by after that to bring Miriam her engraved "Director's Award) that she was given in Concert Band this year. He also brought by a gift of money, that two girls in Miriam's class had arranged to collect (coupled with a student council donation). Her school, and her friends, have been so supportive. After Mr. Thomas left, we were exhausted. That was the most we had done, in one day, since April!! Let me tell you, we are out of shape in the "running around, company coming" department! Okay, so we're out of shape in other departments as well. (I knew what you were thinking!) It was a fantastic day and we were so thankful to God.

Wednesday, I had a meeting regarding Bible study, with a friend of mine. The girls occupied themselves with a movie and I was only gone for a little while. Then we headed over to Kosair for Hyundai's "Hands Across America". IT WAS HOT!!! We all tried to stand in the shade of the hospital, but it didn't help much. It was a nice event and Hyundai donated $25,000 to children's cancer research. When we left the hospital (after turning the air conditioner on HIGH), the girls convinced me that they were going to "DIE" if we didn't go to Target so that we could purchase - yes, you guessed it - more seasons of "Friends". I'm telling you they are multiplying like rabbits!!! We now have up through season six (pray for me, there are three more seasons that we have yet to acquire). Mamaw and Papaw brought dinner by and we waited to see footage of the "event" on tv. Interestingly enough, right as it came on the tv, someone who shall remain nameless (MIRIAM) messed with the control and we ended up missing it! I've heard she was on, but we wouldn't know!! Darian went home with mamaw and papaw, to spend the night and swim (we didn't bother to open our pool this year) and Vern, Miriam and I played Clue. I ended up losing again, but unfortunately, I actually made myself lose through my own errors (usually, you know I lose because of Miriam's chemo-inspired, game-playing "super powers").

Today, we had another counts appointment. Miriam's wbc was 41.4, her hemoglobin was 8.5, her platelets were hanging in there at 46 and her ANC was 38,100. We love those shots!!! (not the shots themselves, but the results) Anyway, she is now finished with shots until after her next chemo. We have to go back for counts, on Monday, just to make sure that her platelets are on the way up. If so, we probably won't have to go back until Dr. Soni is back from India. Normally, she would be due in for a chemo next week, but she won't have a chemo until they decide whether they are doing another chemo before or after surgery, because she has to have a good ANC to perform surgery. Trust me, treatment for cancer is a little like taping the pieces of a shredded photo back together - it takes a lot of thought and analysis and you just hope the nose is in the right place when you're finished!!

Due to her high, high, high ANC, the girl is making me taking her to the mall - AGAIN! How many clothes does one girl need?? Never mind, I already know the answer to that one. Tonight, we are all going to Derby Dinner to see "Oscar and Felix." This weekend, it's off to church and a family wedding. Sunday, we may just collapse from all the activity. If we learned anything, it's to fit in as much as you can - when you can.

Next week, we are going to block out some time to get her room painted, before surgery. Actually, we've had the paint for a couple of weeks, but "the mommy" just hasn't had the energy to empty the room and paint. We really want to accomplish this, before surgery, so next week seems to be the week!

Please continue to pray for Miriam's body to resist infection. Please pray for the scans, June 29th, to reveal to the doctors exactly what they want to see regarding her progress. Remember, our first goal for Miriam is life, our second goal is that she be able to walk after the surgery. Please pray for Darian to have fun and begin praying now for her to enjoy church camp in July and to not worry about anything happening at home. Pray for Vern's continued strength and endurance because "home is where the heart is" not the office. Me - I don't even have to say it.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please continue to pray for Brooke, and her family, for strength, peace and wisdom in the next few weeks. Please pray for Tessa and her family and Laurel and her family. Please continue praying for our buddy Kameron, that his cancer stay away and that his hair continue to grow!!!

Monday, June 20, 2005 9:02 AM CDT

We had another beautiful weekend. The weather was perfect and so was the company. Okay, we didn't have any company - but you get my drift.

Vern took off the afternoon on Friday and we grilled out. Then, the girls in their "challenge the parents" mode, entered into a game of Monopoly that I thought was going to last until we reached old age (no comments from the peanut gallery, please). Miriam and I, after playing for nearly five hours, bowed out gracefully and allowed Darian and Vern to play on in Donald Trump fashion. No wonder we don't play Monopoly very often. You can guess that we slept fitfully Friday night, after such an exhausting day of money handling and real estate purchasing.

Saturday, we had our usual big breakfast. Cracker Barrel has got nothing on us!! I didn't make gravy this week - oh well. Have I ever shared with you the story of the first time Vern made gravy for me? To save time, let's just say I was cleaning gravy off of my kitchen ceiling for a long time!!!!! I ran some errands while the girls spent time together. Vern was singing at church, this weekend, so he left around 2:30 Saturday. We girls watched more "Friends" (I think it's multiplying - we are only on season four) and then we just spent some time laughing. Darian made Vern a beautiful picture book for Father's Day that even had me crying.

Sunday, Vern and Darian went to church and then we grilled out again. I love summer because you can grill out all the time. Vern and Miriam cuddled on the couch and Darian prepared a PowerPoint presentation about the family. You know, when I was a kid we let Barbie marry Ken. Now, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, you prepare PowerPoint presentations for fun!! We had a wonderful Father's Day.

This morning, we had a counts appointment at 8:00. There's good news and then there's bad news. The good news is that Miriam's wbc was 8.8 (yeah!), her hemoglobin was 8.8 (yeah) and she has a whopping ANC of 6800 (yeah - no more hiding in the house)!! The bad news (and the expected news) was that her platelets were 6!! Yes, you heard it here first - 6 (as in the number below 7 and the number above 5). It's a personal best for her (the last being 8). We came prepared, however, so she is now sleeping while receiving her platelets, Darian is watching - what else "Friends" on the dvd player and I am doing my best to amuse you faithful prayer partners who are checking on us today. We have to go back to the clinic on Thursday for counts. Tomorrow (the clinic called today to tell us the event is Wednesday instead of Tuesday) we're going to Kosair for the "Hope Across America" thing that Nurse Francis asked Miriam to do. It will be fun, however, no blood or platelets involved!!

Now that Miriam has an ANC, we should be able to go out now and then, over the next couple of weeks, before a decision is made regarding another round of chemo or surgery.

Please keep praying for Miriam's body to resist infection. Please pray for her to not become too annoyed at me since I am constantly reminding her not to do anything - but sit! (Oh, would someone say that to me). She still has no pain, with the fracture in her pelvis, and we would like to keep it that way. God has been wonderfully full of mercy in regard to that. Please pray for her scans on the 29th and for our appointment with Dr. Antekeier on the 6th. Pray for Darian as she is now one-third of the way through her summer and middle school will be here before you know it. Please pray for Vern as his desire to be home far outweighs his desire to be at work. Pray for his strength and his patience (he lucked out that we've been too tired to paint or rearrange furniture!) Please pray for Dr. Soni, with his family in India, to receive the rest that he needs to come back and be in the middle of everything again. Me, how many times do you have to hear it - bon bons and soap operas, that's all - just bon bons and soap operas.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please keep praying for Brooke and her family. She is recovering from surgery and they are waiting on the path of treatment to be set. Please keep Tessa and her family and Laurel and her family, in your prayers. We praise God for answered prayer in that Kameron's scans were clean.

Friday, June 17, 2005 8:52 AM CDT

Happy Friday!

We had a counts appointment this morning at 8:00. Miriam's counts were exactly what we expected. Her wbc is holding fast at .3, her hemoglobin had risen to 8.8, her ANC was still 0, but her platelets were hanging in there at 63. Francis asked Miriam about participating in some kind of fundraising event sponsored by Hyundai that is taking place next Tuesday at 1:30 in front of Kosair. Miriam was a little unsure, since she'll probably still be wearing her mask, but we "worked" on her and I think she's a "go"! All she has to do is apply a hand, with her name on it, to the car. A local Hyundai dealer is donating $25,000 to children's cancer research. There can never be enough children's cancer research - until we have eliminated children's cancer!!! After visiting with Nurse Francis, and having some laughs, we were sent on our way. We had fully expected to have to go for a platelet transfusion, so PRAISE GOD for the unexpected pleasure of getting to come home instead. Vern is planning on taking off the afternoon to come and be with us. Due to the nonexistent ANC, we won't be going anywhere, but you know -Dorothy isn't the only one that thinks "there's no place like home!"

I have to tell you that Miriam emailed Dr. Soni yesterday, but she was clear to let him know that the email did not constitute "talking", thereby not breaking their "no talking" relationship. Actually, he talks to her all the time - she just answers back with a smile, a nod of the head, or through me. He may decide never to come back from India!!

Anyone who reads the Courier-Journal might have noticed, in the business section, that KFC sales have risen to a seven-year high - a 12 percent increase! Now, think carefully, who's been eating an unbelievable amount of popcorn chicken???? Now may be the time for you to make investments in KFC, DQ, or Logan's. You could all be millionares by the time Miriam finishes chemo.

Ah well, that's all for today. We are hoping to have a quiet, family weekend. Please pray for Miriam's platelets to not drop too low. We are to be back at the clinic at 8:00 for counts on Monday - with the expectation that she will probably need both a blood and platelet transfusion. But for today .... we play!!!

Please continue to pray for Miriam's cancer to respond to the chemo. Please pray for her blood to stay strong and her body to continue to resist infection. Please pray for us to have a beautiful weekend, as we will be praying for each of you to enjoy the Father's Day weekend.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please pray for Brooke, and her family, as she is having surgery this morning to remove a lesion from one of her lungs. Pray that this lesion would be anything but a relapse of her cancer. Please pray for Laurel and her family, Tessa and her family, and pray that the results of Kameron's tests - from yesterday - would be clear of cancer.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005 4:24 PM CDT

We had an excellent weekend! We were able to spend quite a bit of time together. Vern had a "gig" with his band Saturday night. Ah, to be in love with a rock-n-roller! Okay, so he's an older-than-average rock-n-roller. Look at Mick Jagger!! Nevermind - don't look at Mick Jagger! Sunday, we spent some time sitting on the front porch just watching the storms roll in. That is one of our favorite things to do. Yesterday, Miriam's flute teacher came out and I was able to hear the lovely sounds of flute music coming from my daughter (her flute, not her). I just stood in the kitchen and cried because it was so beautiful to hear. Her teacher, Amy King, is wonderful. I'm not sure which they do more - play or laugh. Either way, it makes me a happy mom.

Okay, gang, here's the scoop on today's adventures! We had an 8:00 counts appointment and Miriam's counts, were (as expected) low again. Her wbc was .3, her hemoglobin was 7.9 and her platelets (still hanging in there at 204). Of course, you know the routine by now - she had no ANC. I had made Hershey's brownies and then melted Milky Way bars to pour on top (is that sinful - or what!) and then had proceeded to forget them on the diningroom table. Thank God for a loving husband who brought them to me at the clinic. (I think that was his way of saying "thank you" for the pan of brownies I made for him!) Anway, little did I know, but it was Nurse Hope's birthday, so the brownies were well-timed. Miriam was about a quart low (in "oil" terms) so we had our choice of going ahead and receiving a transfusion today, or coming back tomorrow. We were prepared for today, so (once again with my blood in her hand - ooooh!!!) we headed for Kosair.

We had our friend Glenda as a nurse today. We met her the first time Miriam received platelets. We had to wait around for a couple of hours for the blood to come (I started to just hook her up to my arm and be done with it!) - but eventually she was hooked up to the red stuff. Miriam feasted on lots of chicken and other miscellaneous items (none of which are truly edible before noon) and then decided she needed a nap. Having had a late meeting myself, the night before, I crawled up behind her and we fell fast asleep until the pump "beeper" woke us up.

We came home around 3:00 and, PRAISE GOD, Jamie had a hot lasagna waiting for us for dinner. YEAH!! Remember, cook though I may be, Miriam has to have JAMIE's lasagna - or it isn't lasagna at all!!

We have another counts appointment on Friday. That's right - Friday - we get two whole days off!!! Whatever will we do? Perhaps rearrange some furniture (to throw Vern off), start painting Miriam's room (first we have to clean it first - she is a teenager), or watch some good movies. Whatever we do, it will be nice to not have to go anywhere for two whole days!!

Please continue to pray for Miriam's cancer to respond to the chemo. Pray for positive results from her MRI and CT on the 29th. Dr. Soni will be back by the first of July and we have an appointment with Dr. Antekeier on July 6 to find out his opinion regarding surgery - or not. Please keep all of these things in your prayers. Please pray for Darian to continue to have a flexible attitude and to process everything that goes on around her with joy and love. Pray, as always, for Vern's strength to multiply and (if we rearrange the furniture again) his humor to multiply (and perhaps his coordination)!!! Don't forget to say a prayer for Dr. Soni while he's in India. For me, you know the deal - bon bons and soap operas!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Pray for Brooke, and her family, as this Thursday is an important day for them. Pray for clean scans for Kameron this Thursday. Please pray that Tessa, and her family, continue to do well. Pray for Laurel to finish out her rounds of chemo with ease.

Friday, June 10, 2005 1:58 PM CDT

Sorry about not updating yesterday, but things get a little repetitive after awhile. There were some interesting adventures, but only things that eventually you have to laugh about. Nothing bad, just a doctor that couldn't understand Christian joy and thought, perhaps, that we were in denial. Let me tell you people, this is not a situation where you are able to "deny" much, but I've found that God given joy seems to baffle people. In the end, his questioning of our happiness under such duress ended up only increasing our ability to witness to people about the eternal joy that can only be found in Jesus. At any rate, everything went well and we are going home this evening around 8:30. YEAH!

I'll probably not update until we go to the clinic, for counts, on Tuesday. We can't wait to be home. We are going to begin painting Miriam's room and try to get her room redone before the next chemo and/or surgery. She does have to stay in her wheelchair because the cancer has, indeed, caused a small pelvic fracture that Dr. Antekeier doesn't want to worsen. How is it that she is managing to get out of all of the hard work where her room is concerned??? Cancer, and one little pelvic fracture, and she thinks she can "boss us around" while she gets fed grapes and fanned!! I happen to be very creative so I am sure there is something I can find for her to do. Hey, she has to sit in a chair so maybe I'll let her hold the paint can?????

Thanks again for all of the support. God has again provided just what we needed and we are thankful to Him for His mercies and grace. No side-effects from the chemo and another chemo down.

Please continue to pray for the chemo to shrink the tumor and pray for the scan results on the 29th. Pray for our family to have a wonderful weekend and just keep on - keeping on. Also, say a little "traveling mercies" prayer for Dr. Soni on his trip home to India. You know we need him back in one piece!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please remember Brooke and her family this week as they are waiting on answers to some serious questions. Please continue to pray for Laurel and her family, Tessa and her family, and Kameron's tests on the 16th.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005 9:55 PM CDT

Well,I have no idea what I just did - but after updating this web page for 1 1/2 years, I just prepared my entry and then somehow sent it off into cyberspace because I'm having to prepare the entry again. I also managed to delete yesterday's entry. The biggest thing that happened yesterday was that Dr. Nagaraj was able to remove Miriam's apheresis line. I did hug him again - but at least I warned him that I was going to this time! He actually hugged back, so I don't think he was in shock this time ( I guess because of the advance notice)! So, here goes for today.

Day Three has gone extremely well. Miriam continues to feel great. I'll give you an abbreviated account of our day. 5:20 - surgical resident wakes Miriam up to remove her dressing from yesterday only to find out that Dr. Nagaraj and already spoken with me and told me how to remove it (and not at 5:20 a.m.)!! 6:30 a.m. - Dr. Antekeier (ortho) comes in to chat with me (can you believe that these men are capable of chats at 6:30 in the morning?) and we had a nice discussion about Miriam's progress. How awkward can it be to have a chat with a doctor, while laying down in your nightdown on a vinyl couch?? Anway, Dr. Antekeier ordered some x-rays for later in the morning. X-ray came at 9:00 to get Miriam, just as Vern and Darian came to deliver the all important breakfast of champions - 2 DQ hot dogs. Miriam was eating her hot dogs on the way down in the staff elevator so she could be finished in time to put on her mask. After performing a few contortions on the x-ray table (let's just say x-rays of the inner hip are not easily obtained) we got to get back into our room.

The morning passed quickly with a series of visits from several of our nurse friends and doctors. They say they come in to chat and check on Miriam, but I think that the pictures of Orlando actually have more to do with it! Our friends, the Johnsons, came by to give Miriam an "I Love Lucy" t-shirt that they had bought for Miriam on their Dream Factory trip to Florida. She loves it. Miriam actually took a little nap this afternoon and then, naturally, we had to watch a couple of "Friends" episodes. I'm so thankful that Vern just called me to say that the DVD's that I had ordered from Amazon came in. Now we have two more seasons of "I Love Lucy" and a few classic Marx Brothers films to watch. Miriam likes to pretend she's Harpo and put her leg up onto Vern's arm. She discovered Harpo by watching "I Love Lucy." You know, it's kind of like the "seven degrees of Kevin Bacon" only in our case it's the "seven degress of Lucy."

We had a wonderful surprise, in the afternoon, when Dr. Soni came by. First, he came in and then said that they had told him that another patient was in this room. We thought he was telling the truth, because when I asked him, he said "really" and started to leave. Then, I asked him if he was really serious and he turned around and said "No." He really surprised us, because let's just say that this is a new thing for him to "pull our legs" so to speak. Kind of makes you wonder how many people we're "warping" - doesn't it??? Anyway, he was just checking on Miriam before his trip to India and we are so thankful that he did. I told him that I'd looked him up on the internet to see if he was published (which he has published several articles) and he seemed a bit surprised that I even found him on the internet. Should anyone be surprised at the weird things that I can accomplish in the middle of the night??? I think that, for a brief moment, he thought I was trying to check on his credentials. Let's see, he's extremely intelligent, compassionate, forward-thinking, loves my daughter, and has never failed us in 1 1/2 years - to me those credentials speak for themselves! Through her interpreter - me (you know she doesn't speak to him directly - it's just their "thing") she asked him to bring her a picture back from India. I think he had some ideas. She has so many plans to travel and she is totally fascinated with India because several of the important "men in our lives" right now are from that country. Okay, my important man is from Indiana (it's spelled almost like India). We now have had our dose of positive assurance that has to last us until he gets back on July 5. Actually, he gave Miriam his email address in case she ever needed him. See why we adore him?

After Dr. Soni left, we curled up in bed and watched The Food Network (if she's not eating food - she's watching food). I removed her surgical dressing and she has already asked her dad to bring shorts that fit at the waist, so she can wear them home on Friday. Her other central line is much smaller and doesn't stand in the way of any clothing. She is very thankful to have the "pipeline" gone and be left with only the small one.

Our buddy, Kristin, is taking care of us again tonight. She has become such a dear friend and it has been wonderful to have her for three nights in a row. She doesn't work tomorrow, but we'll be well taken care of.

Let's see, we have big plans for tomorrow. Chemo, chemo and more chemo! Miriam continues to feel great, for which we are profoundly grateful to God. Tomorrow will pass quickly because we know we get to go home on Friday. She is ready to see her "puppies" and I am ready to have all four of us under one roof for awhile.

Please pray for the chemo to continue shrinking the cancerous area. Begin praying now for her CT, MRI and bone scan on the 29th of June. Pray that Dr. Soni, Dr. Antekeier and Dr. Sorger would see the results that they want to see. Pray for Darian to continue to have a fun-filled week and please pray for Vern's continued strength and endurance as he works hard to keep things going on the outside while I'm on the inside (kind of makes it sound like I'm in prison, doesn't it??)

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please keep Brooke and her family in your prayers as they wait for the next few days to see what is happening with Brooke; pray for Laurel and her family; Tessa and her family; and please pray for Kameron's tests on the 16th to come back clear of cancer.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005 10:45 PM

First, allow me to apologize to anyone who starved today because MIRIAM PROBABLY ATE ALL OF YOUR FOOD!!!!

Miriam was able to have her pheresis line removed today - just on a little delayed basis. Her 4:00 a.m. counts revealed that her hemoglobin had dropped very low (ah, that carboplaten again) so she had to have a transfusion before she could go up to surgery. You would think that if they can change your oil and fluids in your car in 20 minutes, they could figure out a way to do that to your daughter in 20 minutes. You know, put her on a rack, drain her and refill her. Unfortunately, it takes a couple of hours. So, we weren't able to go down to surgery until 11:00. All of our friends were waiting on us. Once Miriam got her "happy" juice, she was feeling no pain. She said she wanted to see her friend Bill, from outpatient surgery, so the nurses ran over and got him. She had already had her juice so I had to tell her, after the fact, that Bill had come to see his "girlfriend." He is the sweetest person. Dr. Nagaraj did his thing in no time and came out to let me know that Miriam had done well. This time before I hugged him, I said "Dr. Nagaraj, I'm going to hug you now" - so he was prepared. I just try to live up to my crazy reputation as often as possible and I truly do love and appreciate all of these people because I know they love Miriam and are working very hard for her.

She got back to the room around 1:30 and the amazing feeding frenzy began. Our minister, George, had dropped off one of Miriam's favorites - Fazoli's breadsticks. She managed to consume 8 breadsticks and a ton of fudge, while she was waiting for Vern to deliver her SIX DQ hot dogs. In the end, she only managed to eat four of them, but can you imagine? She followed all of that with a popcorn chaser (loaded with popcorn butter) and finally heaved a contented sigh around 3:30. You got it - all of that in under two hours!!! Remember, she has to eat 3x that of a healthy child - just to maintain. She has been eating like this for quite a while now and, in the last two weeks, has still only managed to gain 4 pounds. She's up to 92.5 and we are working on a goal of 100. Then we can back her off of her "food" drug and just maintain her weight.

I actually managed to beat her at Disney Scene It this afternoon. I'm sure she would say that she was under the influence of drugs, but isn't she always????? It's pathetic that I can only win at the games that involve talking animals and cartoon characters. Mamaw and Papaw made a movie drop because we can't have enough movies on hand. At the rate we are accumulating movies, we're going to have to build another room on to the house - or open a video store!

Vern and Darian came over this evening. Darian had a big day with my friend Kay, and her girls, and was very happy. They brought dinner - of course. I've warned everyone who enters our room to bring food or risk losing a limb. Let's just put it this way, you wouldn't want to put your hand too close to Miriam's mouth unless you had something edible in it - or you might not get your hand back! Unfortunately, I'm like that most of the time and I don't take a drug to make me eat. We have Kristin again tonight, as our nurse, so we are all a bunch of happy girls over here.

Tomorrow - "second verse same as the first" (someone else out there has to be a fan of Herman's Hermits, please). We are anticipating a great day. Miriam, once again has defied the odds, and has had no ill-effects from the "killer" drug that Dr. Soni warned us about. We praise God for giving her a very strong constitution (or perhaps she's just too busy eating to get sick) and such an amazingly positive attitude.

Please pray for us to finish out chemo uneventfully and get home at a decent hour on Friday. Pray for Darian as she travels with Vern tomorrow and then spends most of Thursday and Friday with the Castleman's. We will be thankful to all be together again Friday evening. Please keep Vern in your prayers as he "keeps up the pace" so that we can pay our grocery bill for Miriam (haha) and support our chemo shopping habit. (It's kind of like a drug habit, but ... actually I guess it is a "drug" habit!) Anyway, that's it for us today.....

God is good and God is faithful (and WOWing us on a daily basis.)

We love you all.

Please keep our friends Brooke and her family, Tessa and her family, Laurel and her family, and Kameron and his family in your prayers. Prayers keep us all going.

Monday, June 6, 2005 9:44 PM CDT

Day One of our five days of chemo is over! Miriam slept for the better part of two days the last chemo because she had been under so much anesthesia having this and that done. This time, however, she is my Miriam! We got to the hospital around 8:30 and we were put in a room on 7E. They are doing some refurbishing on 7W, so we actually ended up being in one of the same rooms we were in last week for pheresis. They hooked Miriam up to her two hours of fluids and we began watching - you guessed it - "Friends"! Then Miriam read some of Harry Potter to me. I forget which one, but it was the one about Harry. (I know they are all about Harry, but if I describe it that way I've covered all of my bases.) Our friends Tammy and Joshua came to visit us for a few minutes after Joshua's clinic appointment. Then they ran and picked up Miriam's second "breakfast" of the day (the first was beef stew at 9:00, can you believe it?) - two DQ hot dogs. Isn't that a surprise. NOT! I met Tammy in front of the hospital for the delivery and she called me later to tell me that after they pulled away, Joshua asked "Isn't Miriam going to share her hot dogs?" I'm thinking she probably ended up making another hot dog run. I won't even tell you what she ate the rest of the day because I don't have enough room - or time.

She did have her usual "hankering" for moo meat and we called Vern with an order for Logan's. I'm thinking that we should buy some stock or something. He went over to pick up our order, ran into Tammy's sister, who was there to buy gift certificates for us, and she ended up just paying for our lunch. Isn't it a God thing that Her put her there just when Vern walked through the door. My Bible study women have come through time and time again for us.

By mid-afternoon, Miriam felt that she "had to have" the Disney trivia game and the Lord of the Rings trivia game. Well, I had a drought for about 30 minutes and couldn't reach any of my well-known delivery girls. So, I called our best bud (and night nurse) Kristin, who I knew was coming to the hospital for her shift at 7:00 p.m. and she picked them up from Target and brought them with her. Now, I ask you, do you think she let me play the Disney version that I could possibly stand a chance of winning? No, we played the LOTR version and she beat me inside of about 15 minutes - proving once again that chemo gives her super powers because I can't possibly be that bad at EVERY game I play!!

Anyway, after an 8:30 bout with a bowl of chili and 2 huge glasses of milk (yuck), Miriam decided she had feasted as much as she could so she closed her eyes at 9:30 and went to sleep. Kristin is taking great care of her (although, with my severe losses today, I almost regret asking her to pick up the games for us!).

Tomorrow morning, some time after 10:30 or so, Miriam should be set free from her line in her pelvic area. Praise God!!! She is so ready to wear clothes that fit at the waist (how can a size 0 not fit??). I think she was storing up food, like a squirrel, because she can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight - until after her surgery to remove her line tomorrow.

Please pray for day two to go as well as day one for Miriam. We've had such a good day today. Please pray for Darian to have a good time at the science center tomorrow with my friend Kay and her girls. Keep Vern in your prayers as he stretches himself thin, once again, to meet the needs of his "women" and his business. Me, hey - how many times do I have to tell you - bon bons and soap operas. That's right - just bon bons and soap operas.

God is amazingly good and unfailingly faithful. (I thought I'd mix it up a bit!)

We love you all.

Please continue to pray for Brooke and her family. Also, pray for our friend Laurel and her family, Tessa and her family and last, but not least, that turkey-leg eating, Disney going guy, Kameron and his family.

Friday, June 3, 2005 1:33 PM CDT

We are finally home!!! We had a clinic appointment this morning and we were VERY lucky. Dr. Soni was "finished" with all of those adult transplants at U of L that they call him away to do and he was who we were able to see today. Miriam's counts were finally good. She actually has an ANC!! Yeah!!!!!!! Her hemoglobin was a little low, but we talked Dr. Soni into letting us get blood, while we are in the hospital next week, instead of today. I discussed our options with Dr. Soni.

Right now, the plan is for Miriam to have chemo #2 next Monday through Friday. He is scheduling new scans to be done some time during June 28-30. After that, we will meet with Dr. Antekeier (orthopaedic surgeon), who will consult with Dr. Sorger (Cincinnati orthopaedic surgeon), and decide if the tumor is ready to be removed. If so, to surgery we go. If not, perhaps another chemo or some radiation and then rescanning. He has already spoken to Dr. Nagaraj and Miriam's apheresis central line (the huge pipeline running through her hip area) will be removed some time next Tuesday or Wednesday, while we're in the hospital. Another - PRAISE GOD! She can finally begin wearing jean shorts and jeans again instead of loose fitting, soft clothing. Dr. Soni leaves for India (his home) next week and won't return until July 5. I told him I'd try not to page him (he's finally getting my humor - or maybe he just laughs to throw me off!!!) Our only glitch was that, before Dr. Soni came in, Miriam remembered that she hadn't had a GFR since her last chemo. This is a must in between every chemo. So, after we left the doctor at 10:20, we picked up Darian and headed to DQ (two hot dogs for breakfast, of course) and then headed back to Kosair for Miriam's GFR.

Then, we did what we have been unable to do for so long - WE WENT SHOPPING. The girls had gift cards from Kohls that were burning holes in their pockets. Now - they don't!

Dr. Soni was going to set Miriam free from her wheelchair today, but he decided that he'd better wait until the ortho docs give the okay. We were so glad to be able to meet with him and have a good discussion.

Anyway, it looks like we will be able to go to church tomorrow evening and Miriam may even be going to Darian's dance recital on Sunday. We are very excited to just go "somewhere".

Please pray for Miriam's chemo to go well next week and begin praying now for her scans to show the doctors exactly what they want to see.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Please remember to keep our friend, Brooke, in your prayers as her family waits for results regarding a possible relapse. They are a special family that has been through a very long journey with Brooke's treatment.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005 3:13 PM CDT

We just got home. Thank you for your faithful prayers - THEY WORKED. Yesterday's harvest was 2.87 and today's was a whopping 6.89. So, with our .55 from Monday - we have 10.31 and the doctors wanted between 8 and 10. Praise God for His faithfulness.

We actually get a day off tomorrow. We have to be at the clinic at 8:00 on Friday for a pre-chemo doctor's visit (there is no rest for the wicked!) and next Monday through Friday we'll be back in for chemo.

I'll let you know how things go on Friday.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

In checking on our friends that we have made through the "cancer" process, it is with great expectations that I ask you all to pray for our friend Brooke. Their family is waiting to find out if Brooke has a possible infection or a relapse of her cancer. Please join us in praying that it turns out to be an infection and that Brooke does not come in to our "relapse world!"

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 4:06 PM CDT

Today pretty much went like yesterday except we were at the hospital a much shorter time. We arrived at 7:45 and we were out the door at about 3:00. The harvesting itself is going well. The problem that we are encountering is that the volume of stem cells that they are harvesting from Miriam is far lower than the volume needed to achieve their volume goal for the end of the five days (which is the limit that a child can be "blood sucked.") There are a few options available if the desired volume is not reached through pheresis, but this is our best option.

At this time, please PRAY SPECIFICALLY for Miriam's daily stem cell volume to INCREASE dramatically and for the doctors to get what they need. I'm not putting anything else on here because that is where we need all prayers focused at this time.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, May 30, 2005 6:32 PM CDT

We arrived at the hospital at 7:45 and arrive home at 6:30 this evening. THAT'S BECAUSE SHE WAS READY AND THEY BEGAN THE HARVESTING. Her wbc had to be 1 and it was 1.1 (God took it just far enough for victory). The OMO staff was called in just for us and they were all wonderful - especially Nurse Debbie who took fantastic care of us. The process is relatively easy and totally painless. After all, how much can a Frankenstein machine and a salad spinner connected together truly hurt????

We had blood tests before, then the pheresis itself, and then more tests after. Tomorrow we have to report at 7:45, but we should have a shorter day because some of the "before" tests won't have to be repeated. So, hopefully we can get home around 4:00 or 5:00. Anyway, they will give us an idea tomorrow afternoon of how many stem cells they harvested today - which will give us an estimate of how many days they are going to suck Miriam's blood.

I'm exhausted tonight, but I'll try to put a brief update on every evening when we get home.

Praise God that the process started today and we are one day further along in Miriam's treatment. She feels great so it would be shameful to complain. We are hoping for an ANC of over 1000 so that we can so out somewhere this weekend (in a small crowd). Miriam hasn't been anywhere (except the doctor and hospital) since May 10. Yesterday, the drug store had her very excited!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, May 29, 2005 10:03 AM CDT

Ah, we were dealt the judicious blow of rejection once again! (In other words, we were sent home.) We are going to "force" ourselves to enjoy the sunshine and dine on filet mignons hot off the grill!!

The OMO has decided to remain closed tomorrow unless Miriam's counts are good enough for pheresis. So, we have to be at 7W for counts at 7:30 (so that the bone marrow tech can go home after she does Miriam's counts). We can understand everyone wanting to enjoy the holiday, but we were sure looking forward to sleeping until 7:45 tomorrow.

We hope you all have a great Sunday today and a wonderful Memorial Day. I'll keep you posted.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Saturday, May 28, 2005 12:18 AM CDT

We arrived at the hospital at 8:00 and we got to come home at 9:00. Miriam's counts are still not high enough for stem cell harvesting. Her wbc is still .6, her hemoglobin is 9, her platelets are 51 and she still has no ANC. So, the only number that we're waiting on is the wbc. We go back tomorrow at 9:00 and we'll see, but it looks like it may not begin until mid-week or late in the week.

We were introduced to the "machine" that they use today. Think "mad scientist" meets "salad spinner" and you've got the right idea. We were thrilled to be able to come home. Miriam received her over-the-summer assignment for freshman honors English and she is anxious to get started. So, when we got back today, I had to run to the mall to purchase the book that she has to read so that she can start her homework. You know how much she loves homework and she is about to burst with excitement. (I'm being serious - not joking.) On top of that, she wants to go ahead and start learning German for her freshman German class. She's learning it so that she and I can talk about dad and Darian without them understanding. So, we're beginning her German lessons this week. What can I say - you know she LOVES school.

I'll keep you posted as to what happens with us this week.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, May 27, 2005 11:40 AM CDT

Okay, are you ready???? Miriam actually has an ANC today!!! Yeah!!! Her wbc is .6, her hemoglobin is 8.9, her ANC is 100 (I said she had one - I didn't say it was high) and her platelets had dropped to 21. She checked out fine with Dr. Raj, except that her heart rate was a little high. So, we were sent to the OMO to receive platelets. When we got here, we were put in the same room as the other day and then we were told there were no platelets (okay, next time you want to do a good deed - you know what to do - GIVE PLATELETS). After waiting for several hours, they finally received some platelets from the Red Cross and Miriam's transfusion began. Because of her reaction the other day, today she was premedicated with tylenol and benadryl. That translates into - she is in "lala" land right now and I am passing the time quietly. When she was injected with her benadryl, she was in the process of eating two hot dogs from Dairy Queen and topping them off with a small popcorn chicken from KFC. Where does the little 89 pounder put it all??? We brought food with us, but we are thankful that daddy made an emergency food drop! Tonight, our friends from Derby Dinner are preparing her a "to go" box because she MUST HAVE Derby's green beans or she is going to JUST DIE!! A flair for the dramatic - one might say.

We are hoping that we will be home by late afternoon. Because of her high heart rate at the clinic this morning. Dr. Raj has requested that the resident review all of Miriam's vitals before we are released. If he deems it necessary, we will be spending the night here. Either way, tomorrow it is likely that they will begin the stem cell harvesting. The nurse that we have today is actually one of the nurses that handles the pheresis process and she said she is pretty confident that Miriam's counts will be good for tomorrow. She says that it usually takes between 2 and 3 days (which is better than 3-5) so we hope that by late Monday we will be finished. If they are unable to begin tomorrow, we'll return Sunday morning for counts with most probably beginning then. We are soooo ready to put an end to the 4:00 a.m. shots! I have decided that the same man who invented the bra must surely have decided that 4:00 a.m is a good time to give injections. Both make you uncomfortable! (Okay, so a woman invented the bra and I know the medical reason for the 4:00 a.m. time - but you have to admit my theory is more entertaining!)

Please pray for Miriam's counts to go up because we really want to begin (and finish) this process. I'll admit that we had other plans for this holiday weekend, but - hey - we've had other plans before. We know that God's plans come first and we know that He (and a great many earthly physicians) are doing what needs to be done.

I'll keep you posted as we work our way through this process. Keep in mind that anytime you are able, PLEASE go donate blood - AND ESPECIALLY PLATELETS!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, May 26, 2005 1:05 PM CDT

Okay, this must be beginning to sound familiar to you all. Miriam's counts this morning were holding fast to holding fast!! Her white blood count was .4, her ANC is still 0, her hemoglobin had risen to 9.7 (yeah!), and her platelets had dropped to 36. I've been telling the nurses to tell Tim (the gentleman who runs the blood tests) that he needs to quit trying to save ink and start printing ALL of the numbers on Miriam's counts, because he keeps leaving off all of the big numbers!!! At any rate, we know that they will begin to rise - it's just a matter of when. We were VERY HAPPY that they let us come home and not go to the hospital for platelets and blood. We have to be back at the clinic tomorrow at 8:00 for counts and then we are supposed to plan on going to the OMO to receive blood and platelets.

We will be going for counts every day until they begin the stem cell harvest, but at least it usually is a quick visit. Miriam continues to feel great, so we have enjoyed our day at home today. Her appetite returns a little more each day and we are continuing to absorb all of the "I Love Lucy" and "Friends" that we can. Miriam has even begun to say things and then say "Hey, I sounded just like Lucy." Won't that even make our household crazier!!!

Please continue to pray for Miriam's counts. You know that what goes down, must come up (or something like that). Until then, we're just hanging out cracking bad jokes (they are the only kind we know).

I'll keep you posted. Won't it be fun to read something different on the day that her counts rise??

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 9:26 AM CDT

Update to today's entry: I received a call at 2:00, from the clinic, saying that Dr. Cheerva (she and Dr. Soni handle the transplants) does not want to skip a day with Miriam's counts - so that when she is ready, we begin. So, no day off tomorrow - we report at 8:00.

Okay, here goes.

Yesterday, we returned to the clinic for a doctor's visit. Miriam's counts were not much better. Her white blood count was .4, her hemoglobin was 7.9, her ANC held fast at 0 and her platelets had actually dropped to 8! Not a misprint - 8!! Everyone was stunned that she showed no outward appearance of low platelets and they couldn't believe that she hadn't had any spontaneous bleeding! (a lot like spontaneous laughter - only not nearly as much fun!!) We were thankful because it isn't any fun driving to the hospital, bleeding profusely, and wondering if you're going to make it. We've heard tell and we have no desire to experience it for ourselves. We went over to the OMO (our very first visit ever) and Miriam received a blood transfusion, followed by a platelet transfusion. She did really well, until the very end of the platelets and she broke out in hives from head to toe. They gave her benadryl and we had to hang around an extra 45 minutes.

We were very thankful to be home last night. I went to see Darian play "Beth" in her school's production of "Little Women." and she was wonderful. You might want to ask for her autograph now, because she is going to be something!!! Miriam had some trouble breathing last night, especially when I got up at 3:30 am to prepare her 4:00 a.m. shot. I gave her benadryl, but I decided to have the doctor check her out today - just in case.

Her appointment this morning went well. Still - no counts - but it went well. Her white blood count stayed at .4, her ANC is still holding fast at 0, her hemoglobin was 9.3 (due to the transfusion) and her platelets had gone up to 43 (also due to the transfusion). Dr. B is giving us a day off tomorrow!!! PRAISE THE LORD - WE WANT TO STAY HOME. We have to go back for counts on Friday with the expectation that they are going to send us back to the OMO for more blood and platelets. Over the weekend, we'll have to go to the hospital every morning for counts and if she is ready to begin stem cell harvesting - they will. If not, we just go back every morning until they are. It is a 3-5 day process, so it might interfere with chemo next week. If you learn anything when you have a child with cancer, "rolling with the flow" is right up there!

Fortunately, Miriam feels great so we are just "partying down" inside the house. We are going to take full advantage of our day off tomorrow and who knows what mischief we will cause. We've already talked about rearranging furniture (you all know how much Vern likes that one!) and we're even discussing doing some painting in the next few weeks.

Please pray for Miriam's counts to go up so that we can get the stem cells harvested and get the "pipe" running up her leg and pelvic area taken out. She hates that one and is ready to be down to only one line. Please pray for Darian to stay strong and pray for Vern to have extra strength (it's not like when we're healthy we're easy to live with!!!) and extra patience. Also pray for him to only stay focused on the positive. Me, well, you know I keep telling you - bon bons and soap operas! What a life!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, May 23, 2005 9:25 AM CDT

Our journey continues....

First, a few of the many blessings that we've had this week:

I praise God for the blessing of waking up each day with two beautiful girls sleeping in their beds and for waking up beside a loving husband (okay, so I actually wake up beside the dog - but on the other side of the dog is a loving husband)! I thank Him for blessing our family with so many good friends that are available to help in any way possible. I thank him for all of the people that we have come to know and love at the hospital and at the clinic and that He has gifted us with their love in return. I thank God for the outward signs that the chemo is working - Miriam's pain is gone, she can move around in bed, and we can see clear definition in her leg. I could go on and on, and probably should, but I at least wanted to touch on a few blessings before the update.

After the end of Miriam's last chemo,it only took her a couple of days to get back to normal (for this family, anyway). She has been a little more tired, but that is to be expected. Last week, we just hung out around the house. Because Miriam's counts were good, Katie came over for a while on Tuesday. Friday, Miriam's band teacher, Mr. Thomas, and her Youth for Christ leader came over to bring some things and visit for a few minutes. Amy King, Miriam's flute teacher, came by on Saturday to visit and bring some encouraging emails from other flute players. Sunday, Natalie came over for the afternoon and they played games (including "Friends" trivia - I am overdosing on "Friends"). Other than that, we watched more "Friends" and watched the entire season 3 of "I Love Lucy." It's a good thing that we do love Lucy.

I began giving Miriam her shots on Thursday afternoon and she was pretty thrilled about it all. In preparation for her stem cell harvesting this week, I began doubling her shots this morning. She now gets a shot at 4:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. Can you believe it?? We decided that somebody totally insane came up with that schedule. She will continue to get double shots until they have harvested her stem cells.

We had a clinic visit this morning and, unfortunately, Miriam's counts had hit rock bottom. Dr. Soni had prepared us for her counts to behave differently due to the new drug that he is giving Miriam. HE WAS RIGHT! She had no ANC (her level which dictates if she can be around other people), her white blood count barely registered and her hemoglobin was 7.8 (transfusion at 8.0 or below) and her platelets were a whopping 24 (transfusion at 25 or below). So, she needs both blood and platelets. We couldn't go to the OMO today for the transfusions because Mr. Thomas was bringing Miriam's entire concert band to our front yard for her own personal concert and you know we always keep our priorities in order!!! So, tomorrow we have to go back to the clinic at 8:00 for counts and a physical and then we're off to the OMO (our first time!) for 6-8 hours so that Miriam can have a blood transfusion and a platelet transfusion. They can't do the transfusions at the same time, so it doubles our time at the OMO. We still have to be back at the OMO Wednesday morning at 7:30 to have blood test to see if she is ready for stem cell harvest or not. If so, we'll begin and stay 6-8 hours. If not, we'll go back every day until they can begin.

When we got home, some band parents had already set up the band equipment in our front yard. The band arrived at about 9:40 and the concert began. Miriam enjoyed listening to the band, but of course, her wish would be that she was playing with them. Mr. Thomas has been so wonderful and the concert was a beautiful thing.

Anyway, now you know where we are for the week. It seems that we'll be at Kosair every day - but we still get to come home at night - so PRAISE THE LORD!

Please pray for Miriam's counts to begin rising up. Please continue to pray for Miriam to remain infection free. Darian is very tired, trying to finish out the year with all of her activities, so please pray for her to get lots of rest and have much joy for the end of the school year. Please pray for Vern's strength to be multiplied this week as he works and has a couple of "gigs" with his group this weekend. We value each and every prayer lifted up on our family's behalf.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 8:11 PM CDT

I'll begin with last Wednesday. What a day! Miriam had tests, beginning at 8:00 in the morning - and she made it to her room at 10:20 that night. Our experience in outpatient surgery was, once again, made easier by our special nurse-friend Therese, who caters to our every need. They ran in to problems with her central line insertion - AGAIN - the surgery began at 3:00 and the process ended when she got to her room late in the evening. She now has two central lines - one like she had last time to be used for her stem cell harvesting and then removed after - and the other to be used for chemo and blood draws. The perm cath (for stem cell) was inserted first, but from the insertion point, it didn't reach her heart which didn't work for chemo. They finished that surgery around 5:45, but after Dr. Nagaraj and Dr. Soni met with us - it was decided that Miriam would have to have another line inserted to handle the chemo, because it must be inserted directly into the heart or it will damage the veins. Strange, huh?? At that point, they were going to do the surgery on Thursday and then begin chemo. After much discussion, Dr. Nagaraj left and then came back to tell us that the surgical team agreed to stay because Miriam was still groggy and then she would be ready for chemo first thing Thursday morning. We thank God for providing us with a compassionate surgical team. We also thank God for anesthesia - wish they had provided for us!!! The last three weeks have been exciting to say the least. If it gives you an indication - I've got Dr. Soni's pager number on speed dial and he has my cell phone number in his head.

Wednesday night we had our good buddy Kristin as a nurse and I Praise God for blessing us. Miriam was sore from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet and Kristin was so compassionate. After surgery, along with various incisions and the lines, she had three IVs which all had to be removed. Kristin took 20 minutes just to remove one IV because Miriam hates surgical tape. It was a long night, but we were just thankful to be finished with procedures.

Thursday afternoon they began chemo. The new harsh drug they gave her really was that - harsh. The good thing is that even though her stomach was upset Thursday through early Sunday, she only got sick once and pretty much slept the rest of the time. She only gets the new drug the first two of the five days, so by Sunday she was feeling much better. Friday, Vern stayed and I went home to be with Darian and go to church on Saturday. Sunday evening she was pretty much my girl again and by Monday, we were watching tv and having a pretty normal day. We had a couple of interesting events along the way, but all in all, the first chemo went pretty smoothly. We didn't get home until 10:00 Monday night (but part of that was our fault because we couldn't leave until "Everybody Loves Raymond" ended). You know, we do have our priorties!!!

It was so great to be home and we even let Miriam go upstairs and sleep in her own bed. I don't even think we stirred during the night. Our neighbors (thanks Mike and Laura) had mowed our lawn over the weekend and some of my Bible study friends came today and planted beautiful flowers in our yard so we can enjoy some color. Miriam's hunger came back a little today so my friend Tammy went off to the store to buy supplies. Ever heard of chili or salmon for breakfast??? That's what she requested, but she ended up saving the chili (I'm sure it will be on the menu for tomorrow and at least it's ready) and not having the salmon until dinner. By tomorrow, I am expecting her "eat everything" medicine to have kicked into full gear and I probably won't be able to keep up.

Since Miriam's cancer is rare, and now it has reoccurred in an even rarer place, Dr. Soni (and his team) are making this up as they go. Here is our plan, as such, as far as we know. We go to the clinic for counts at 8:00 Thursday and then I begin her "wonderful" shots. We go back to the clinic at 8:00 Monday and, if her counts are high enough - they are beginning the stem cell harvesting on Tuesday. If they are not high enough on Monday, they are beginning the stem cell process on Wednesday. It can be a 3-5 day process - but we praying for three. It isn't painful for her, but it's long and boring. She just lays there and gets the blood sucked out, swirled around, and stuck back in. Don't you wish you had something that exciting to do next week???? I know - you're jealous.

So, for now we get to hang out and rest. We've been watching Season One of "Friends" and I have to say, I've about seen those six people all I can see them for awhile. Who knows what she'll make me do tomorrow! Darian is busy getting ready for her play next week and finishing up an exciting year of fifth grade. I'm going with her class to Locust Grove on Thursday, while Miriam entertains my friend Jamie. Last year, in the hospital, they were almost evicted - so I just hope my house is standing at the end of the day. (Okay, I'm just kidding - they aren't quite that bad!) I'm sure we'll just hang out this weekend and enjoy our new flowers and maybe grill out (maybe torture Vern some - we have to have something to do and he is the only man around).

Please pray for Miriam's lines to stay clear and pray for her body to resist infection as her counts drop at the end of the week. Also, please pray for the stem cell harvesting to go well next week. Pray for Darian as she ends the school year with lots of fun and excitement. Pray for Vern to have a strong desire to be at work during the day and to get the rest he needs at night. Me, well I keep telling you, it's all bon bons and soap operas!! What a life!

Thanks be to God for His mercy and His grace. What a difference it makes when going through something like this, to know that God is in control and we just have to wake up each morning and trust His plan.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, May 16, 2005 9:46 PM CDT

We arrived at home at about 10:00 tonight. Yeah - we are sleeping in our own beds!! I'll update later.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, May 13, 2005 7:13 PM CDT

I'm home for the night, so I'm just posting a quick update so I can be with Darian. Miriam had all of her procedures on Wednesday, ending with a marathon central line procedure (3:00 to 10:00 all things told) and she now has two central lines!!! One is just going to be in for a month until they can harvest stem cells and the other will stay for the duration.

We began chemo Thursday morning and hope to be home sometime late Monday or early Tuesday. She is doing very well, although the new "killer" drug is upsetting her stomach a little in the afternoons - but she is managing to nap through most of it.

Keep all of your prayers coming. I'll do a more thorough update when we get home early next week.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 9:18 PM CDT

Just a quick update. We went to Cincinnati yesterday, Miriam had her biopsy and we actually were able to come home last night - just in time to see "Everybody Loves Raymond." Come on, people, you can't lose your priorities!!! Anyway, the biopsies took a long time, Miriam was very tired and sore, but very glad to be home. Dr. Soni decided that she needed today off, so she and I spent the day talking a lot (some happy, some sad) and then she "punished" me by making me watching Harrison Ford for a couple of hours. At least it wasn't that "boy" from Harry Potter or Orlando. You know what movies we have packed for the hospital, right??

Tonight would have been Miriam's spring band concert. She missed it last year and this year the emotions were just as raw. Her band teacher telephoned after the concert to say that he had given her an award. She, of course, thought I had something to do with it. I DIDN'T - just to set the record straight. She was honored, but would have traded every award in the world to have been at the concert.

Tomorrow we leave for the hospital at 7:00, register at 7:30 and continue our day of fun until late in the evening. We'll be sent home tomorrow night and then we will have to be back early Thursday morning to begin chemo. Please pray for tomorrow to go smoothly and for chemo to shrink the tumor so that Miriam's pain subsides. She still isn't sharing her morphine and I'm beginning to get jealous!!

Even in our darkest moments, there are so many things for which we praise God. People we've met, how things have gone, the love and prayers of our friends and the forever faithfulness of God.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, May 6, 2005 3:59 PM CDT

Not much to tell, except that in keeping with our "we don't do anything the easy way" motto, our trip to Cincinnati did not go according to plan. We did meet with Dr. Sorger, whom we loved (looks a lot like Robin Williams in "Patch Adams" except he didn't have a big red nose!). They did have purple surgical gloves at their office (and he's an adult doctor!) so I promptly blew one up, stuck it up my sleeve, put my jewelry on it and provided our entertainment while we waited. I'm not sure their office got it, but hey - we're used to child doctors - so they have to take what they can get. Anyway, this hip kind of thing is his specialty. His "partner in crime" radiologist is at a conference until Monday, so guess what - no biopsy. We spent the night and spent a very short period of time at the zoo. Miriam is in quite a but of pain with her hip joint, so even the wheelchair wasn't comfortable enough. Good news for her, Dr. Soni is prescribing two stiff pain medications (you know, the kind you have to sign for and get put in jail if you sell) and Vern is picking them up right now. I keep trying to get a prescription for myself, but alas, we moms get no respect.

So, here is our tentative schedule (I'm beginning to hate the word tentative!) Monday, we return to Cincinnati and register at the Children's Hospital there at 12:30 for her biopsy at 2:00. They have a standard procedure of doing a 23 hour admit after biopsies (how nuts is that) so we may not be able to come home until Tuesday unless I can do some fast talking. The bad thing is we will be in a strange place with strange people who don't know we know what we're doing. On Wednesday, Miriam is supposed to have her GFR, venogram and her central line placement. We may or may not spend Wednesday night and then the hope is to start chemo Thursday. It is imperative we stop the tumor from infecting any more of the hip joint than it already has and this tumor grows like wild weeds!!

Keep the prayers coming and I'll keep you as posted as I can. Since I'll be in and out, you may not hear anything until Tuesday evening or sometime Thursday evening. Please pray for our strength to continue, as we are all exhausted - to say the least.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, May 4, 2005 9:13 PM CDT

Miriam had her bone marrow aspirations today. It was decided that we would go to Cincinnati for her hip biopsy due to the location of Miriam's cancer and the intricacy of the procedure. They are trying to disturb the cancer as little as possible. Unfortunately, it is not confined to Miriam's hip bone. Fortunately, Dr. Soni still feels that he can cure it. Dr. Nagaraj tried to place her central line on either side of her chest (three new incisions) and ran into a roadblock each time as he entered the heart. It isn't unusual to have blockage from a previous central line. He is going to run a dye test on Monday to find the blockage, do what needs to be done, and find a location where he can insert a new central line. The good thing is, now that I have my unofficial "nursing" degree they allowed her IV to stay in until we finish in Cincinnati and I just get to flush it out and take care of it here at home. If all goes as planned, we will see Dr. Soni on Tuesday and then begin chemo on Wednesday. Dr. Soni is still deciding on the time frame, but he did give me the drug list and explained that it would be even harsher than last time and that her recovery time in between treatments would be longer. Of course, we know for a fact radiation will be thrown in this time, and most likely stem cell transplantation.

Please pray specifically for the cancerous area to respond quickly to chemotherapy and to shrink to nothing and pray that her bone marrow will come back negative.

We are exhausted for now. I will update on Tuesday afternoon unless I really feel there is something to tell before then.

Please keep the prayers coming. The beginning is always the ugliest and we need your prayers to get through the next two weeks.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005 3:34 PM CDT

We finally heard from Dr. Antekeier's office. We have to register late tomorrow afternoon and her procedures (biopsy, central line insertion and bone marrow aspiration) will take place early in the evening. Dr. Antekeier is scheduled to be in his office all day and is fitting this in after hours. Dr. Nagaraj(chest surgeon, central line) and Dr. Soni (our oncologist, bone marrow aspiration) are working according to his schedule. We will be at Kosair for the night and hopefully (unless they tell us otherwise) will get to come home Thursday morning.

Please pray for the procedures to go well tomorrow. It means quite a few new "holes" for Miriam - but don't worry - I won't let her drink until she's healed so she doesn't leak!!!

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to all.

Friday, April 29, 2005 3:31 PM CDT

UPDATE 5/3/05. I don't know any of the details from the MRI this morning. At this point, they are planning Miriam's outpatient procedures being Wednesday afternoon. When I know results from her test - I'll let you know.

I am going to let you know just the basics for today. I don't want to be too specific until early next week, so that when I tell everything - it is as accurate as the doctors can be.

Right now, the tumor in Miriam's hip is offering the doctors a challenging and extremely serious situation. It's location is the worst that it could be and it's possible that it has spread into the surrounding bone and organs which offers us even more opportunities for prayer. We will not know the extent of the tumor until Monday or Tuesday. PLEASE pray specifically that the tumor has not invaded the hip bone or the pelvic bone - this would take us to a place that we do not want to go. Funny, but nobody is even concerned about the chest right now. The MRI to further check out the hip is on Monday. The doctors are TENTATIVELY planning on doing biopsies on the chest and hip and inserting her new central line on Tuesday. The orthopedic surgeon even offered to come in during the evening, if necessary, to get this thing going. That may indicate to you the seriousness of our situation. After the biopsies, the orthopedic surgeon is sending us to a friend and colleague of his in Cincinnati. He wants confirmation that the path he determines for Miriam's treatment is on target. This is not a "textbook" tumor location as he put it to us and dealing with it must be specific from the beginning. Miriam has been put on crutches in an effort to stave off her breaking her hip (due to the fragility of the hip bone that was revealed on her scans and x-rays). Dr. Antekeier expressed that this would be an unbelievable complication to an already grave situation. Pray also for her bones to hold out until treatment.

We are assuming that by next Friday or Monday, the 9th at the latest, we will be in on chemo again. Miriam's birthday is next Sunday, May 8 - so here we are again!

You all know by now that our shopping increases in direct proportion to the treatments. So, we've already been to Target today and bought movies galore and other necessary items that I know that we will need. Miriam did find driving the electronic cart quite the experience!! I'm sure that all the people who's lives were threatened felt otherwise!!! We, once again, are finding ourselves digging deep into our "unusual senses of humor" and we're making it through. I will do my best to keep you entertained (as you know is my mission in life) as I share with you the basics of our new journey that we find ourselves on.

We believe that joy is found in the Lord and we believe that God uses everything for good. Please bind with us in prayer (1) that the cancer has not entered the hip/pelvic bones and that (2) Miriam's hip does not break before treatment and (3) that we can maintain our stamina and laughter for another year or so.

Thank you for choosing to join us on our journey once again. We value your prayers and we know that they will lift us up to our Heavenly Father as we go along what was a path we hoped to never travel again.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, April 28, 2005 7:54 PM CDT

I will explain how we came to this point when I have more time. For today, I just want to let you all know that Miriam's cancer has returned and we will be entering treatment within the next two weeks. I will let you know the details as I get them. At this point and time, it appears to be in her chest and her hip.

We remain faithfully believing that...

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, March 28, 2005 10:25 AM CST

Here's the scoop on our trip. First, I thank God for safe travel. Now, here goes:

The limo picked us up on Sunday and we had a beautiful ride to the airport. The girls were very excited and we were all very thankful that "our time had come". Donna and Steve Rivette, from The Dream Factory, met us at the airport and gifted Miriam with a carry-on bag full of goodies, a t-shirt, camera, etc. They have been wonderful. Donna arranged for us to go around the great big line waiting for a security check which helped out a lot. I hadn't flown since 9/11 so it was quite a shock for me to see what "security" means now. I hate that it has come to this. I remember going to the airport with my dad, when we were young, just to watch the airplanes. No fear - no security. I also loved playing the "goodbye" game with Vern at the airport and the "hello" game. You'd have to be in love to have played that one. Anyway - it's all gone. Now you have to remove everything and you can't even have anybody walk you to your gate. Enough said. Our flight was uneventful and we arrived in a very cold New York City Sunday evening. Our limo driver was on time, but not the "warmest" of people that I had ever met. We did love our ride to the Roosevelt, so all was well.

Sunday night we ordered room service and then sacked out, in preparation for a very long Monday. Monday, we got up early and set out walking - and walking - and walking. We shopped (Miriam was very loaded and Darian ended up with quite a bit of loot). We visited St. Patrick's Cathedral, the Empire State Building and Times Square. How all of those people fit in Times Square at New Year's Eve is a miracle to me!! We walked until we couldn't walk any more and ended up back at the hotel about 6:00. The girls thought they were going to "die" from all of the walking so Vern and I had to explain how we used to walk to school ten miles, uphill, in the snow everyday! What - you don't believe us either??? We ate in the hotel restaurant and then fell into bed.

Tuesday, we got up at 6:30 in order to catch a city tour bus at 8:30 in Times Square. We sat on the top of the bus, which is open to the air, and the girls about froze to death. It was really, really cold - but Vern and I loved it because you could see so much. We ended up at Battery Park where we took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. It was only 9:30 in the morning, but already all of the tickets to go inside the Statue had been given out for the day. Can you believe it?? So, we didn't get to go inside. We loved Ellis Island and could have stayed there for several days looking at everything. The history of it was just amazing. After we got back to Battery Park, we walked down to the site of the World Trade Towers. I don't even know what to say, except - big hole, big sorrow. After traveling back to Times Square (on the inside of the bus, mind you) we had dinner at Olive Garden (yes, we went to New York and ate at places like Olive Garden and TGIF's - the girls are not very flexible in their menu choices). After that, we curled up in bed and watched "Sky Captain" on pay-per-view. Vern picked the movie out, which should have warned me right there. I can see why it didn't last long in the theatres. Believe me folks, I didn't marry him because of his knack for picking the right movies!

Wednesday morning, we slept late and then went - you guessed it - shopping. All in all, Darian did pretty well for herself. Miriam bought a few outfits, but after calculating that she could buy more at home with the same money, ended up saving her money for shopping trips here. We had a mid-afternoon lunch at Bubba Gump's and then went back to our hotel to rest and get ready for "Phantom of the Opera." We were very cold and wet due to the mix of rain and sleet that had been falling all day. I think it took a couple of hours before the girls could feel their feet again. We walked to the theatre (about four blocks) in the sleet and were thankful to get inside where it was warm. The theatre was beautiful and the play was everything that Miriam had hoped that it would be. Darian cried because the Phantom didn't "get the girl" in the end. I've always felt the same way, but alas, it didn't happen. We walked back to the hotel, in the same sleet and cold, and crawled into our nice warm beds.

Thursday, we slept late, checked out of the hotel, left our luggage and took off walking again. We shopped a little and had lunch at TGIF's. Then it was time to meet our limo at the hotel and return to the airport. Our limo driver was nice, or at least I think he was - he couldn't understand us and we couldn't understand him. We got to the airport in plenty of time and went to our gate. We were supposed to leave at 5:05. Every time we looked at the monitor our plane had been delayed longer. We eventually left about 6:15. Even after all of the delays, Donna and Steve greeted us at the airport when we returned. Donna had framed a print she had made with Miriam's name on it and they had another goodie box filled with snacks, water, candy, etc. Our limo was waiting and we got home just in time to see who was dropped from "American Idol." After all, isn't that a critical moment for everyone???

Friday, the girls never got out of their pajamas. Vern and I sang at the Hour of Power Mission in downtown New Albany, like we have every year (except last year) for the last 15 years. It is always nice to see a few friends that we only see that day. At 2:00, Vern went to church to play his horn in the first of seven services that we had this weekend. Sunday was a relatively quiet day as we all anticipated having to get up on Monday and return to the real world.

Miriam continues to feel well. She is growing and growing, which is wonderful to see. Her hair is about 3 inches long and she is waiting for the day when it is laying on her shoulders. Darian is trying to squeeze as much into fifth grade as possible (could she be like her father???) and Vern is, as usual, operating on a schedule that would make most people faint and falter. I, as always, am happily wasting away the days with soap operas and bon bons!!

God bless you all for continuing to check in with us. We value each of you and are lifted up by your prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005 10:26 AM CST

Well, I know you thought I would never update - so here goes!

We saw Dr. Soni on the 1st of March. Miriam is so doing well that he isn't making us see him again until AFTER her next 3 month scan appointment which is June 2!! That means we won't go back to the clinic until the week of June 6. How cool is that??????

Everything has been very busy here. The third nine weeks of school has wrapped up and pretty soon I won't have anybody in elementary school. I am going to have to practice saying "I have a daughter in high school," because I can tell you right now that it isn't going to come naturally!

We finally found out about our trip to New York. The limo is picking us up this Sunday afternoon and our plane leaves around 5:00. It's a nonstop flight, which puts us into New York around 7:00 or so. We are staying at the Roosevelt Hotel in Midtown Manhatten and we are supposed to be within walking distance (from someone's perspective) of everything we really want to see. Miriam gets her wish and we are going to Broadway to see "Phantom of the Opera" on Wednesday night. She also is being given money for her shopping spree and she is going to share some with her sister. I guess that means Vern will have to give me money for my shopping spree! Actually, I'll have everything that I need before we even board the plane - two beautiful and HEALTHY daughters and a wonderful husband. We are going to go visit the World Trade Towers site, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, etc. You know - we're going to do all of the normal touristy things. We get back in town Thursday evening. The girls are pretty excited about all of the limo rides. They just can't wait to see somebody holding a sign with our name on it, like you see in the movies!

Thanks for checking in on us. I'll update after we return from New York. Please pray for safe travel and, as always, pray for Miriam's body to remain cancer free.

Our God remains good and faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 10:30 PM CST

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW.
PRAISE HIM ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW.
PRAISE HIM ABOVE YE HEAVENLY HOSTS.
PRAISE FATHER, SON AND HOLY GHOST.

(I know, I used that hymn about six months ago, but how appropriate to praise God with it everyday.)

Well, as usual, we have much for which to be thankful! This last Monday, Miriam had her six-month heart echo and MRI. PRAISE GOD, I talked to the clinic yesterday (can you believe that - less than 24 hours after the tests!!!) and both tests were unchanged from November. YEAH!!! So, she won't have another MRI until her nine-month check in May. We see Dr. Soni next Tuesday, but he won't tell us anything we don't already know. I actually think the nurses just schedule our monthly check-ups because they like the baked goods I bring them every month. It's shameful when your name is synonymous with chocolate!!!

Not too much new to report here. After her tests on Monday, Miriam got her braces. So in one short year, she's gone from extremely long hair to very short hair (mind you, there was that little bald phase in the middle), pierced ears and braces! All that on top of growing an inch. She's now taller than me - granted that isn't saying too much - but you get my point. What a blessing it has been to see the changes come (and some go)!

Darian is practicing for her mathbowl competition on March 8 and just generally enjoying life, as is her specialty. Vern is staying busy playing in the band, singing on the praise team and working way too much! The girls and I have slowed down our shopping adventures since chemo ended, although we do have that New York trip coming up from the Dream Factory. You can't honestly expect us to go to New York and not shop! We are all very excited, but we don't know any details yet - not even when we are leaving and we are supposed to be going the week of March 21. How's that for last minute notification! As the planner that I am, it's driving me a little crazy - but God has really worked on me with that "patience" thing. As for what I've been doing, I keep telling you it's all bon bons and soap operas for me!!!

Please continue to pray for Miriam to remain cancer free and for Darian just to remain Darian. Pray for Vern's continued patience with us all - you all know how nuts I am and yet he remains virtually unscathed by my insanity. How is that possible? We continue to thank God, each and every day, for all of you who have hung in there with us and lifted up prayers for our family. God has been kind and merciful, for which we are very grateful.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, February 9, 2005 9:42 AM CST

I know, I know - it's been a long time again! What can I say, except I have a busy husband and two children. Need I say more????

Things have been going along very well. We have been very busy. Sometimes, I think Miriam is trying to fit two school years into one! Her hair was a big success at school and she is now very comfortable with it. She still doesn't like it as short as it is. After all, she is used to having long, long hair. She does, however, already have her new "style" picked out. I won't reveal anything, but think Hermione in Harry Potter!

Miriam is now officially registered for high school. What a tear-jerking experience. No - not Miriam - ME!!! She is so excited. She is going to take PE in summer school and then she will immediately begin marching band. Talk about a kid that loves school! Darian is just ready to be in the middle school and begin playing in the band. Please pray for me if they ever all get going at once - a flute, a saxaphone and a trumpet!! Maybe I'll pick up the spoons and join right in (or, better yet, maybe I'll light a candle, turn on the radio, jump in the jacuzzi and shut out the world.)

This past weekend was very big for us. Vern took Miriam to the Purity Ball at church. This is an event, modeled after the prom, where young ladies are accompanied by their fathers (or stepfather, uncle, family friend, etc.) and pledge their purity to God and the fathers pledge to help protect their purity. Miriam looked beautiful in the gown that she purchased and Vern - well, my heart still goes pitter patter, looked remarkably dashing in his tux. They had a beautiful evening together. Darian and I were going to go out on-the-town and have an adventure. However, I made one tactical error. I stopped by the video store and rented her two new games. So, I spent the evening working (again, why do I have my office at home???) and she spent the evening playing some game involving a non-existent multi-colored animal jumping lava pits - or something to that effect.

Saturday - another big day! We woke up early and traveled to Scottsburg for Miriam to compete at solo contest with her flute. I'm not sure who was more nervous, me or her. I think there might have been a moment or two, where the single life was looking pretty good to Vern! All went well, and she brought home the gold!!! I'm still waiting for the call to come in from Wheaties! After that, we went to lunch and then parted company. Darian went with Vern to set up for a band job that evening and Miriam and I sneaked off to have her ears pierced to surprise her sister. You have to understand that Miriam has been in "the chair" two other times and backed out papers signed, purple marks on ears and all! This time, she bravely walked into the mall, watched two other people get their ears pierced (including a small child) and then decided to back out. I had numbed her ears with her cream that we use for her IVs (hey, everything has dual purposes) and I knew she really wanted it. Finally, after much convincing and cheerleading, she sat down in the chair - grabbed my hands, narrowly missing breaking a few of my fingers - and conquered her fear of the tiny earring!! All afternoon she went around the house saying "I'm a gold medal winning, ear-pierced girl! You know us, we take our pleasure where we can. Darian noticed the piercing in 1.1 seconds, which thrilled her sister.

Sunday, of course we went to church and then took a long drive. There just isn't anything better than a long drive to calm the spirit and soothe the soul.

So that's what has been going on with us. This Monday, the 14th, Darian gets four teeth pulled and Miriam gets her separators for her braces. Next Monday, the 21st, Miriam has her heart echo, MRI and gets her braces. She wanted to do it all on a day off school. Secretly, I'm sure I'm paying her back for something!!!! Anyway, please keep these dates in your prayers. We know everything will be fine, but there is always that little thought in the back of our minds that we turn over to God.

Thank you all for continuing to check in on us. God has been so good this past year and we have valued each and every one of your prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 9:33 AM CST

I Know, I know - I'm way behind.

Let's play catch up! Miriam had her monthly check-up with Dr. Soni on the 11th. Things were great! They have now installed televisions in all of the rooms, so Miriam took one of her Harry Potter DVDs and she could have cared less whether we ever saw a doctor or just sat there and watched the movie. She didn't get to see much of it, because our appointments go pretty quickly (once we actually get to the doctor part!) Her counts have recovered very well and she is doing wonderfull!

She had a big day yesterday as she went to school for the first time au natural! She has been running around town for quite some time without her "hair", and she began not wearing it to church a few weeks ago because she went back to work volunteering with the children (this time with the babies - she's in heaven!) But, yesterday was her first day to go to school with her new hair! It is still very short, but it is very chic!! She looks beautiful with it and I think she is very excited about how many styles she is going to get to try as it grows in even more.

The Dream Factory called and they are working on putting together our trip to New York for Spring Break. The girls are getting really excited as the time draws nearer. I have to admit I'm a little excited myself. My favorite movie of all time is "Breakfast at Tiffany's" (you knew there had to be a jewelry store in there somewhere, now didn't you!!!) so we are going to stand in front of the Tiffany's window and take pictures - just like Audrey Hepburn. Okay, we don't look like Audrey Hepburn, but it's the idea that counts. That movie is the reason that I have always called Vern - Fred. Sometimes people think I have two husbands, but it works for us. You have to watch the movie to see where Fred comes from.

Oh well, the rest of life is going on as usual - PRAISE GOD! We are in the process of registering Miriam for high school. She has solo contest coming up with her flute. Darian is looking forward to 5th grade camp and entering middle school next year. Vern's band is still playing on some weekends and he loves it! Who knew, at 42, I'd be married to "a guy in the band". Be still my heart. He also has begun singing on the praise team at church and he is very happy to be there. Me, well, I spend all of my time trying to entertain you people with entries on this webpage. Other than that, you know it's all soap operas and bon bons!!!!

Please keep your prayers coming. Miriam is continuing to thrive and I think we have reached our new "normal" in regards to her health. She is a perfect 13 year-old, for which we give God all the glory. Her next big day is February 21. On that day, she has her heart echo, her MRI and (because she wanted to do it all on a day she didn't have to miss school) - she gets her braces!! Doesn't that sound like fun??? Anyway, please keep that day in your prayers.

Thank you for continuing to check up on us. We value each and every one of your prayers and know that we couldn't do this without you, and without our Mighty God.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, January 5, 2005 9:05 AM CST

Can you believe that the holiday season is over??? We had a wonderful Christmas vacation. We didn't do anything special, but here are some things we didn't do this year:

We didn't get a call Christmas Eve changing our lives.
We didn't pack for the hospital Christmas day.
We didn't report to Kosair at 6:30 a.m. on December 26.
We didn't go through a couple of surgical procedures and a lot of fear.
We didn't start chemo on New Year's Day!

Here are some things we did do:

We celebrated the goodness of God to have blessed us so much through this last year.
We hugged a lot and loved a lot.
We laughed till we cried over the dumbest of things (okay, so that's nothing new for us).
We expressed our gratitutde to God, on an ongoing basis, that we were permitted the joy of being home this year - and being alive.
We went to the movies (surprise! surprise!) and I still think Nicholas Cage is great!!!
We ate a lot (again, nothing new for us).

We spent quite a bit of time playing games, and I must say that I remain the master of Monopoly. I was, however, outwitted, on a few occasions, when it came to Clue. I guess you could say, I was clueless. (Okay, it's a cheap laugh, but did you chuckle just a little bit?)

The girls raked in their usual bounty of video games, DVDs, and Darian got her "much-anticipated" Slimecano. Yes, that's right, when you drive your Hot Wheels down the hill, slime from the volcano overtakes you!!! She isn't really my child - you do realize that don't you?

Our biggest gift was the gift of family which we pretty much celebrated every single moment. We were a pretty hokey, corny family before our experience with cancer - now, I'm afraid, we've become unbearable. We'll never be the Cleavers, but it won't be for lack of trying!!!

Miriam has her monthly checkup next Tuesday and her 3 month scan has already been scheduled for February 21, along with her heart echo. So please keep these things in your prayers. Also, please continue to pray for all of the children that we have come to know and love, and all of the wonderful people we have met along the way.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004 11:32 PM CST

Well, we've just about celebrated ourselves out around our house! We have partied here and partied there until we don't think we can party anymore. Yet, this weekend brings another!!! We've had bank parties, our company party, clinic party, Dream Factory party, and so on and so forth. How have we survived this madness in previous years??? The parties have been fun, but I am looking forward to that moment on Christmas morning, when I wake up and see my children excited around the tree. I will be happy to make breakfast and then play games, instead of last year's rousing time of "who can pack for the hospital the fastest! (it's not a game I recommend).

Miriam has been very busy studying for her final tests of the semester and her semester finals. Her band concert was this evening and it was beautiful. Darian's choir concert was last Thursday so we've been doubly blessed by music. I attended a freshman orientation meeting for Miriam last week. I know, can you believe it??? How can I be 16 and have a 13 year-old daughter. Whoops, sometimes I forget I just act 16! She is so excited about all of the possibilities and I am excited for her. Darian, of course, is looking forward to attending the middle school. Then again, Darian gets excited about everything. Praise God!

I actually wrapped my last Christmas present this evening. Usually, I'm finished by October - but I ran way behind this year. Tonight I addressed my Christmas cards and with that, my final pre-Christmas task was accomplished. I've shopped (shocking, isn't it) until I can shop no more (even more shocking!). Darian has a field trip on Thursday and I am looking forward to hanging out with her. Friday, for the first time in weeks, we are going to sit on the couch and snuggle as a family. Saturday, we leave for another bank party in Lexington. The good thing is that the bank provides a room so we can relax while we're there. Tuesday is the last day for school and I think the girls are counting down - oh, wait a minute, maybe that's met that's counting down!

Vern is planning on taking some time off over the holidays. I intend to have my work caught up so that I can take a vacation also (if it's possible to take a vacation when your office is at home). We are going to try to fit in a couple of movies, play some games and just be boring people. How nice that will be for a change! We are praying for no excitement this holiday season and are counting on God to go along with the plan.

God allowed His Son to be born all those years ago and for the star to shine so brightly over the manger. Well, this year, I think our house will be shining brightly from all of the love and thankfulness that is inside. We are thankful for God's goodness and mercy and we are so thankful to be together this holiday season as a family, all FOUR of us. Then again, we are thankful every day to be together as a family. We are also so very thankful to have so many good friends that have traveled, and continue to travel, with us on our journey.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, December 14, 2004 11:04 PM CST

Well, Thanksgiving was wonderful. I hope that you all had a festive holiday with lots of eating and lots of love. We left for our trip on Tuesday and arrived in Lexington around 7:30 to stay at the Griffin Gate. We had a great meal and just enjoyed being on our way. Wednesday, we got up (not early!) and headed to Gatlinburg. The chalet was the best of all that we've ever rented. It was way up in the mountains and was very private. The girls each had their own rooms and their own tvs. Vern and I shared a great master bedroom with a fireplace that was see through to the master bath. We actually spent a lot of time at the chalet just being together and watching movies. Thursday morning, we went into Gatilinburg to the Ripley's Aquarium. It is one of our favorite places to go. Then we shopped - OF COURSE!! We went back to the chalet around 4:30 and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, I cooked - we didn't eat out! Turkey, ham, corn pudding, green beans, yeast rolls and even a pumpkin pie!

Friday we went into Pigeon Forge. The girls bought boots. Believe me, they didn't get the boot thing from me. Boots remind me of dirt - and I don't do dirt!! Anyway, they are really nice boots and Miriam has always had a thing for cowboy boots. In the evening, we went to Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede. It was a great Christmas show and, you know, Dolly does things in a "big" way!

Saturday, we rode the tram up to Ober Gatlinburg and Darian and Vern iceskated. Darian has always had visions of being the next Michelle Kwan! We mostly spent a lot of time just talking with eachother. We've been pretty separated this past year, and it was so great to just be together. God provided beautiful weather which made the trip that much better.

Miriam had her monthly check with Dr. Soni this morning. Traffic was horrible and we were late to our first appointment in a year! Praise God that He has minded the traffic for us all of this time. Her counts were fine and she is now considered a normal young lady. She can have her teeth cleaned and get her braces in the next few months. Something that had previously been scheduled for last February. Unfortunately, for her, Dr. Soni also said that she could take PE next year if everything is going well!! This did not make her happy, oh BOO HOO!!!

We aren't scheduled to see Dr. Soni again until January 11. I know that is six weeks, but I talked him into letting us bypass the holidays because we don't want to be near doctors and the clinic is a mess during that time! Please continue to pray for her body to remain cancer free.

Thank you all for continuing to check in on Miriam. We value each of you and your prayers and know that God will reward you for your kindness and your love.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004 11:37 AM CST

Monday, November 22, 2004 7:19 PM CST

UPDATE 11/23/04: I received a call from the clinic late this afternoon and Miriam's scans are all within the normal range. PRAISE OUR GOOD AND MIGHTY GOD!!!

Here's my Thank You to God this year:

"Thank You God"
by Donna White Eswine
Written on 11/13/04

I'm thankful for the little things,
You send my way each day.
The kindness of a stranger,
Who knows just what to say.

The smile I might have missed,
If business was there.
The laughter gone unheard,
If I hadn't taken care.

I'm thankful for your goodness,
In giving what I need.
If I take the time to listen,
To your word that I should heed.

I'm thankful for the hard times,
For every tear I've cried.
They make the good times richer,
And joy just swells inside.

I'm thankful you don't leave me,
When my heart is full of fear.
Showing that you love me still,
Reassuring you are near.

I'm thankful for your grace,
Your mercy and your love.
Grateful for your patience,
Your spirit like a dove.

I'm thankful that you gave your child,
On that cross at Calvary.
I'm thankful, God, for every day,
You don't ask that of me.

I'm thankful for each second,
I live for you in every way.
I'm thankful not to worry,
For you know the plans for me today.

Miriam had her check-up MRI this morning. I'll update on the 30th after we see Dr. Soni.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all. Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Hey Everyone:

I just want to let you know that Miriam has her first 3 month check-up MRI on Monday at 8:00. Please keep the scan in your prayers - that it would be totally clean as we expect it to be.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, October 11, 2004 9:09 AM CDT

Well, things have been going along quite nicely at the Eswine home. Miriam feels great and, I do believe, most of her strength has returned. Her hair is about a 1/4" long and seems to be coming in just as it was before - light brown. It also seems that it is going to remain wavy because the ends of what she has now are beginning to kink and turn. I spend a good deal of my time rubbing her head because it was so fascinating to watch it go - fascinating getting used to her bald - and now fascinating watching it come back. Her eyebrows and lashes have grown in over the last month and I have had to get used to her face looking different again! She is beautiful and continues to grow each day into more of a young lady. I can't even imagine the plans God has in store for her!!

Darian is just Darian - a never ending supply of enthusiasm for the smallest thing and a collector of all things "that she might one day use to make a craft." I praise God that her innocence and energy have stayed with her. She is almost finished with the first nine weeks of fifth grade and I'm telling you that it was just yesterday that I walked her into kindergarten for the first time.

Our big event this week was getting flu shots. Miriam had to have one (for the first time) and Darian - getting caught in the backlash - had to have one also. It was old hat to Miriam, but Darian cried about getting the shot and didn't even realize that the nurse was already finished! Her arm was pretty sore, but she was able to cheer at the football game on Saturday. After that, we went to Harvest Homecoming for a few hours so we could see all of the people that we haven't seen since last year's Harvest Homecoming.

We all have been very busy with school, lessons and church. I know I prayed for the past eight months to go by quickly, but it's okay with me if God slows things down for awhile.

Miriam's next clinic appointment is on the 26th with Dr. Soni. It's just the usual blood and "stuff". Please keep praying for her body to stay cancer free (her next MRI is November 22). Also, continue to lift up all of the children with cancer, and their families, to hold fast to God and His strength.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, October 1, 2004 6:21 AM CDT

Vern and Miriam had quite the adventure on Wednesday night. The Dream Factory had invited Miriam to attend a golf workshop at The Cardinal Club in Simpsonville. The U of L golf team was going to show the participants a few things about golf. Well, little did we know, but Miriam received a full set of golf clubs in a Cardinal Club bag, a gold-plated putter (whatever that is!!!), a golf towel, balls, a golf backpack, a golf shirt - and when spring rolls around - they are going to call her for her shoe size and she will receive a new pair of golf shoes!! How about that for a two-hour workshop??? Miriam was beaming when she came home. Darian had some fun too by jumping on the inflatables that were in the golf bag pockets to keep them from being malformed and she made quite a bit of noise popping them in the kitchen while I cooked dinner. The downside is that Vern has decided that Miriam now has a far nicer set of clubs then he does!!

All else around here is going well. Miriam's hair continues to show up more each day. We are all anxiously awaiting a length long enough to see what it will be like -straight or curly!

Please continue to pray for her body to remain cancer free and please keep all of the other cancer-burdened children in your prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004 11:20 AM CDT

We had another clinic visit today. It seems like ages since I've typed those words! Funny how long the weeks can be when you get to be home and sleep in your own beds!! Miriam survived having her finger poked. She actually did far better than I would have expected - but I had lectured her that "screaming" was out because she would scare the little children. Her counts were just where they should be. We were happy to see our friends at the clinic. I took them some leftover medical stuff (boy, was I thankful to have that out of my house) and also a turtle cake (lots and lots of chocolate). I'm not one to go too many places empty handed. Anyway, they were all as crazy as ever (and I say that with love) and we enjoyed seeing them. We are free until October 26, when our next monthly check-up is scheduled.

Miriam and Darian actually went swimming on Sunday. It was the first time that Miriam had been in the water since last summer. It was a little cool, but she was determined. Vern got in and then Vern got out. He decided that was wise since he was losing the feeling in his legs due to the chill!! The girls toughed it out for about an hour.

School is going well for both girls and we continue to just enjoy each day that God gives us.

Please pray for Miriam to continue to stay healthy and pray for Darian to continue to be healthy and happy. Also, please pray for all of the children with cancer. There are so many that it is a little overwhelming - many have outcomes not as good as ours is at this point.

We appreciate your continued prayers and we appreciate you checking up on Miriam.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you,

Thursday, September 23, 2004 3:26 PM CDT

Did you think you would never hear from us again??? No such luck!!

Miriam healed very nicely from her surgical procedure and is happy to not have anything "hanging off of her" anymore. Her eyelashes and eyebrows are rapidly returning. Her hair is coming in slowly but surely. Her head is covered, but it is still VERY short. She is still hoping to have a cute hairstyle by Christmas. We kind of feel that would be appropriate - from one Christmas Eve to another. God has been good. Anyway, I don't get to call her "that little bald girl" anymore. Believe me, we used it as an endearment and she loved it. When hair started growing in, I called her my "chia pet." Okay, that one she did not like so the nickname went away as fast as it came! I called her Peanut from birth on, but that ended when she was diagnosed with PNET. They sounded too much the same and the nickname bothered her. Oh - the little things that were affected!

We had our big end of chemo party at our house on Sunday. Over 70 people came and celebrated with us that Miriam's chemo had come to an end. We had lots of food, fun, and fellowship. I'm just not sure you could ask for anything better than that. We prayed and partied and we thanked God for the end.

We're already talking Thanksgiving and Christmas around here. You know, we were kind of numb last year around Christmas. So, the planning has begun.

The girls are doing well in school. The poor children only got straight A's (again) on their progress reports. I keep telling them that they need to strive to do better, but they ignore me! I praise God that Miriam and Darian have both been able to maintain their grades throughout this whole ordeal. Vern and I are trying to adjust to a life where we are able to spend more than 8 nights in a row together! We've rediscovered family dinners and movie night and we are just so thankful to have that time again - with ALL FOUR of us there together. So many other things could have happened, so we don't take anything for granted anymore.

Miriam has a clinic appointment next Tuesday. Our first one in five weeks. What a record!! They will prick her finger for the first time to take blood (not something she is looking forward to). If you hear a primal scream around 8:10 next Tuesday - you'll know it's my daughter having her finger pricked!

As always, I continue to ask for your prayers that Miriam's cancer stay in remission and that she be able to lead a normal life (not much of a chance of that in this family!) You can always keep the rest of us in your prayers also. There isn't anyone who can have too many people praying for them.

God remains Good and God remains Faithful.

We love you.

Friday, September 10, 2004 1:43 PM CDT

We're home - we're exhausted - but we're home. Everything went relatively well today. All of our favorite people took care of Miriam, which made the morning go nicely. She was only "put under" for a short while and they used her catheter to inject the medicine. That way, she didn't even have to have an IV. By the time the catheter was out, the medicine had pretty much worn off. She was wide awake by the time they brought her to us and she was asking to go home, eat and see "Harry Potter" (AGAIN) - in that order. So, in our old chemo days' fashion, we hit McDonald's and Dairy Queen on the way home and I think we will be going to the movies tonight! Tomorrow everything may hit her, but for tonight WE LIVE!

I do have to tell you something interesting. Miriam had her piano lesson the other day and a good friend of mine is her teacher. Miriam about talked our legs off (would that she could take a thigh or two!!) and I asked my friend if she noticed anything different. My friend said, well she's talking all of the time. (Pretty strange for a very, very, very shy - quiet girl.) I told Miriam to tell her why she was so animated now and not at all quiet any more. She looked at my friend, jumped up and down and said "BECAUSE I DIDN'T DIE!" I couldn't put it any better myself.

We praise God that today is over and tomorrow, as soon as I remove her bandage, she can TAKE A SHOWER. If your water pressure gets low around mid-afternoon, you can blame it on a little 13 year-old cancer-free girl in Southern Indiana!!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, September 9, 2004 9:26 AM CDT

Well, the day is almost here. Tomorrow Miriam loses the last remnants of her cancer treatment. Her surgery is scheduled for 10:30, with us arriving at the hospital at 8:30. We are so ready to have her central line out of her heart. The surgery shouldn't take too long, so I don't anticipate being there more than 4 or 5 hours. Miriam doesn't seem to be too nervous. Unfortunately, I think she has had so much done to her that she has overcome her fear. Our favorite pre-op nurse, Therese, has arranged to be her nurse tomorrow and she is supposed to have her favorite anesthesia nurse, Bill, also. These two special people will make our morning go much more quickly.

I don't know how many days after the surgery it will be before Miriam can take a shower, but I have a feeling that when she gets in - WE MAY NEVER GET HER OUT! She has always had to adjust her lines when she rolls over in bed at night, so she has already decided that it might take her a couple of weeks to quit readjusting what isn't there anymore.

Anyway, that's where we stand right now. She is feeling great and her back pain is non-existent most of the time. We're beginning to see hair - in a five o-clock shadow kind of way - and we are very excited about the possibilities.

Please pray for her surgery tomorrow. Also, pray for no scar tissue to build up causing a need for angioplasty. This is not an uncommon side effect, but it is a side effect that we do not want! It should be a simple surgery, yet we take nothing for granted anymore.

Don't forget, if you are planning to come to our celebration on the 19th, to give me a call (923-0757) or email me so I can plan my "food and stuff".

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Monday, September 6, 2004 9:40 AM CDT

We wish everyone a relaxing today on this Labor Day. We have had a very busy week.

Miriam's back is feeling better. She is still experiencing occasional pain - but nothing like she had before. The little pain is all part of the healing process inside her body. Last week there was an open house at school so Vern and I got to go meet all of her teachers. They all seemed wonderful.

Friday night we went out to dinner to celebrate Vern's birthday. (I won't tell you how old he is, but 55 sounds about right!) We went to Dillon's and then we went to see "I Robot" at Tinseltown. The girls and I had already seen it, but they were determined to take their dad. Actually, Miriam just wanted to see Will Smith take his shirt off again! Orlando needs a new film - and QUICK!

Saturday Vern and I ran errands while the girls goofed around at home. It's so nice to be able to go out together and do normal stuff! Saturday night, Vern played a wedding reception with his group, in Shelbyville and didn't get home until the roosters crowed! So much for sleep.

Sunday was a very big day - we all went to church together! It was the first time we had all gone to church together since December. Vern and Darian have been going every week, but (for obvious reasons) Miriam and I have been a little occupied. It was beautiful to be able to sit together and celebrate the goodness of God. After church, we went to lunch and then we were off to buy more hermit crabs (we now have three). Answer this for me - by the very definition of their name - HERMIT crabs - they should want to live alone -- SO HOW COME WE HAVE TO HAVE THREE????? Just something to think about.

This Friday is Miriam's surgery, so please keep that in your prayers.

Don't forget we are having Miriam's end of chemo celebration here at our house on Sunday, September 19, from 3:00 to 6:00. Please call me if you are able to come (923-0757) so that I can start making my plans. We would love for you to come and join us.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, August 30, 2004 9:03 AM CDT

We have been having a very busy time around here - as I'm sure you all have with school getting into gear and extra-curricular activities. The girls are adjusting well to being back in school. Well, Miriam could do without getting up at 6:30 every morning, but considering that - she's adjusting well. Darian has pretty much scheduled herself into an activity every day - typical!

Miriam has been experiencing some back pain caused by lugging her school supplies and backpack around. So, her counselor and I (praise God for Larry Schellenberg) are working on some things to eliminate quite a bit of what she currently has to carry around at school. (Note 9/1/04) Miriam's back pain is almost all gone. All of the changes we have made are working! Praise God yet again.)

We are having Miriam's end of chemo celebration at our house on Sunday, September 19, from 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. There will be plenty to eat - so all we want you to do is come and celebrate with us that we have ended one part of our journey and begun another. If you are planning to come, please give me a call at 923-0757, or send me an email, so that I can do my shopping and cooking. We would love for you all to come and share this time with us.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's body to heal. Please pray now for her surgery to go well on the 10th. We are thankful to God that catheters were invented, but we are ready to leave her heart alone for a long time.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004 12:25 AM CDT

First of all, let me tell you why you haven't heard from me since last Tuesday. I called the clinic for scan results on Thursday, but I didn't get clear results. I didn't want to post anything until I had the opportunity to get Dr. Soni's take on everything. Fortunately for us, he said exactly what I kept telling my friends he would say. You see, they forgot to do the post-surgery tests and so the radiologist had nothing to compare Miriam's MRI to - except for the original MRI which showed nothing but a huge tumor in her chest. We thought this might be a problem and require further testing. Dr. Soni (and mommy), however, EVER CONFIDENT, knew otherwise. He said she was doing great and they have scheduled the surgery to remove her catheter for Friday, September 10. We won't know the time of her surgery until the day before. Her counts were good today and we praise God for their quick recovery. She has missed no school because of her counts!

We now have to see Dr. Soni every month (so our next appointment is 8:00 on the 21st of September) and have an MRI every three months. She does not have to have another bone scan. They did the one last Tuesday just to, once again, rule out the places on her hips as non-cancerous. She will have to have a heart echo every six months. That's how our schedule will go for the next two years. After that, they will allow a few more months in between her tests.

I thank each of you, AGAIN, for all of your prayers and your good wishes. I am so thankful that we worship a mighty God who can take an ugly situation and use it for His greater glory. By now, you know what to pray for so I'll leave you to it!

I want to close this journal entry with something that I wrote in my email to a few of my close friends today. I hope if you are having a bad day, or if you haven't accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, that what I've written might touch you.

"There have been some dark moments and definitely some shadows along the way, but God has used this experience to teach us so much about who we are as Christians, who we are as a family and who we are to other people. I can't say that I wouldn't change a thing, but considering the path we had to take, God blessed us all the way. The times of laughter and joy have far outnumbered the times of tears and pain. Your prayers have been instrumental in bolstering our faith and our strength in dealing with this experience. So, as Miriam puts it, "You know, Mom, it hasn't been that bad!" PRAISE GOD. What a mighty God we serve.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004 1:23 PM CDT

First off, we praise God for a beautiful weekend and a wonderful end to last week. Miriam returned to school on Thursday and was so happy to be back with all of her friends. What can I say - the girl LOVES school!!! Friday morning was a bit rougher - her muscles hurt from lack of use and she felt a little worn out. By the end of the day, her body had come back to her. I keep telling her that it's going to take a few weeks for her muscles to realize they are doing more than flipping channels and bringing food to her mouth!!

Friday night we took it easy and relaxed around the house. We ordered some pizza and, I believe, were forced to watch another Harry Potter movie! On Saturday, we went to the Bats game and were finally able to use our season tickets for the first time this season. The weather was perfect and, of course, the hot dogs were to Miriam's liking. Darian managed to find a few things with sugar in them so she was happy as a clam. Even with the three of us along, I do believe Vern was able to see at least some of the game!

Sunday we all kind of relaxed around the house. It's just so nice to be home longer than 10 days in a row that we don't know what to do with ourselves. How is it that I'm home everyday and I still can't get my laundry done. (Now, unfortunately, Vern's figured out that the hospital was just an excuse!!)

Yesterday was another good day of school for the girls. Miriam had homework which pleased her to no end. I know, I keep telling you people that she is sick in more ways than one!!! We chilled last night in preparation for a long day today.

Now - to today. We got to the clinic at 8:30 for counts and her blue line was our friend again. Her counts are great! Her hemoglobin had risen, on it's own (see, I do know some things) to 8.6 and her platelets were up to 149. Yeah! Praise God! Her ANC and WBC are still very good and she is flying totally on her own now - NO MORE SHOTS!!

We left the clinic and headed to Kosair to register at 9:30 for her tests. You aren't going to believe this, but every department we saw at the hospital today, was running ahead of schedule and we finished our day earlier than we had anticipated. Another God thing. She had her heart echo, her MRI and her bone scan and we were actually able to have lunch at McDonald's in between tests (and go upstairs to 7W to visit with some friends) and still leave the hospital garage around 1:20. Can you believe it? I actually let Miriam throw her mask away as we left the hospital - WHAT A FEELING!

So, for now, we wait. We won't know anything for several days. We have a scan review appointment with Dr. Soni for next Tuesday at 8:00. (Don't tell Darian that, on a day off from school, she still has to get up early! Let's just surprise her.) I anticipate nothing to show on any of the scans and then we can move forward with having her catheter removed.

So - pray for her lines to hold out just a few weeks longer and pray for her to continue to stay strong and resist infection. Her counts will go up and down a little now that she is on her own, but I don't anticipate any big swings one way or the other. Now, all we have to do is pray, and continue to pray, for the cancer to stay out of Miriam's life forever. Not such a large request for such a powerful God. Open up those prayer lines and let Him hear you.

I'll let you know when I hear back about the scans.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, August 12, 2004 4:27 PM CDT

TODAY WAS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!! Both girls had a great day. Miriam said it was like she'd never been gone. She is so exicted about her classes, her friends and her teachers. I dropped her off at school, went home and worked in my office all day, and when I picked her up I told her that it was like nothing happened in between December and August. (Well, nothing much!!!!!) Anybody remember the show "Dallas" when Bobby woke up in the shower and the whole season had been a dream???

After school we hurried over to her counts appointment. Her platelets had risen to 53, but her hemoglobin had dropped to 7.2. They transfuse blood at anything below 8, but BECAUSE IT'S MIRIAM, and her body is amazing - they are letting us monitor it until Tuesday. We did have to see the nurse practitioner, however, because the heart often has to work harder when the hemoglobin is low - but Miriam's sounded just fine!!

Next Tuesday, we have a counts appointment at 8:30, followed by her Echo, MRI and bone scan - so we are going to have an exciting (whoopeeee) day at Kosair. I have to admit that I am a little bit curious to see what her bone scan will look like without her three ribs. As soon as we get the all clear on her scans, they will schedule the first available surgery date to have her catheter removed and she will be a free woman!! We are so excited that we can't wait.

Anyway, keep praying for those lines to hold out just a few more weeks, pray for her hemoglobin to decide to go up and pray for her to resist infection over the next few weeks until her blood levels adjust on their own. God has been so amazing and He continues to bless Miriam's body.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 10:00 AM CDT

Here we are once again. We had a doctor's visit this morning. Miriam's counts were not as high as they have been in the past, but they were high enough!!! She is set to go to school on Thursday. Her hemoglobin is hanging tough at 8.3 (transfusion at 8 or below) and her platelets are refusing to give up the fight - a whopping 31 (transfusion at 20 or below). We are all counting the days and assuming that today was the turning point and her platelets wll start going up. We Praise God that she is finished with chemo because it is obvious from the way her counts are recovering that her body is tired. Because of her platelet and hemoglobin count, we have to come back in for counts Thursday afternoon (AFTER SCHOOL - I just like saying that!!!) at 3:00. I told the doctor she wouldn't need anything. Her body has been strong for her and I know her counts will begin to go up, up, up! We finished her chemo without platelets or OMO trips. Miriam says that if she has to have anything done now, it doesn't count because chemo is over and that was the record she was going for! I'm with her on that.

After we left the clinic, we went to Highland Hills to walk Miriam's schedule. (Okay, if you were here in my office right now, I'd feel pretty stupid. I'm crying the whole time I'm typing - SCHOOL - we made it through and she's going to school!!!) The new school is beautiful and I praise God that He had a new school built just to welcome Miriam back! This afternoon we have some shopping to do. I'd say don't tell Vern, but people have been telling him about what I'm putting on the webpage - so my secret is out! As if it was ever a secret in the first place! It takes a special man to live in this house - Praise God Vern fits the bill! (There - you can tell him I said that - love is fun!)

Miriam has a flute lesson today at 4:00 and we are actually going to Kentuckiana Music Center for her lesson instead of Mr. Waters coming here. Yeah!!! Every little "normal" thing that we do is a miracle.

Tomorrow we are taking over the Summit, just the three of us Eswine girls, and spending our last day together. I just hope you don't read about us in the paper the next day!

Thursday is the first day of school, as if you didn't know, and I'll let you know how it goes!

Please continue to pray for Miriam's lines. They've switched personalities again - today the red line refused to cooperate at all and the blue line was our friend. Also, pray now and pray often for Miriam's scans next Tuesday. Everyone is expecting the "all clear", but you never know so extra prayer can help. Pray for Miriam's body to continue to resist infection, especially as she goes back to school and pray for her counts to stay strong so she doesn't have to miss too much in the first few weeks.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, August 5, 2004 8:20 AM CDT

First off, sorry I never added more to my journal entry the other day. But, what can you add to Praise God, except maybe another Praise God!!

We had a counts appointment this morning. We were hoping that her counts would be high enough that she could go with me to registration. That was not to be, however. She has no ANC so she isn't going anywhere for several days. You would never know her counts were so low by looking at her. She continues to feel great and for that I am so thankful.

The girls are so excited about school starting. Next week, when Miriam's counts have gone up, we still have a lot of shopping to do. Miriam has several gift certificates to spend, and thanks to Aunt DiDi, she and Darian are pretty loaded for a trip to the Summitt. I think they are already planning their many purchases.

Please keep praying for Miriam's lines (her red one has decided to work now and the blue one has stopped) and pray for her counts to rise up. Please keep praying that she remains healthy so that she can begin school with everyone else next Thursday. Hopefully, in a few weeks, our lives will seem a little more "normal."

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Sunday, August 1, 2004 3:37 PM CDT

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
Amen.

We praise God we are home. I'm too joy-filled for words right now, so I'll update tomorrow.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004 11:50 AM CDT

Before you read today's entry, you have to go back to yesterday's - IT'S A WHOPPER!!!!

THIS IS IT - IT'S OUR FINAL CHEMO!!!!!!!!

Our clinic visit went well this morning. Miriam's blue line was VERY difficult and we almost gave up. Her counts were good and we are a GO for tomorrow. We had a great time at the clinic. We took our pictures from yesterday to share with our nurse friends and our friend, Angie, came over from Kosair to "party" with us. We laughed until we cried. We ran late at the clinic, so we ran late to Kosair for her GFR. Things went fine, however, and we were soon finished with her LAST GFR!! We picked Darian up from hanging out with Vern and went to the JayC to buy Miriam's food for the hospital. We ran into my buddy Jamie, who seemed to be having a lot of time finding the gravy. You know you're good friends when you can yell over the aisles at eachother and actually understand what the other one is saying. It was after 12:30 when we finally got home.

Today, we are spending the day cooking food to take with us tomorrow. At 4:00, Darian has to get three baby teeth pulled (boy, is she excited!!) and then later she is going to spend the night with the Driggs - not that she will be completely spoiled or anything!!!!! I think she is planning on laying on the couch and eating ice cream until the "pain" goes away.

We will be going straight to the hospital tomorrow to begin Miriam's five day. During our stay, we are planning to just enjoy the fact that it is our last. We can't wait to share our "Orlando" pictures. Vern enlarged several of them and we are going to hang them on the front of Miriam's door, in the room - EVERYWHERE! Our nurse friends will flip when they see them. The only sad point in this is how many of the nurses we will miss after the end of Miriam's therapy. I am hoping to keep in contact with some of them, but you know from experience, you always lose touch with some people that you care about. The hospital will also be having an end of chemo party for her at some point during our five-day, so that will be fun.

Anyway, how bad can life be when WE MET ORLANDO BLOOM yesterday. I have to confess that he is actually better looking in real life than in pictures. Of course, he looked about 16, which suited Miriam just fine. Where is Sean Connery when you need him???

We are going to be having a big blow out for Miriam in September to celebrate her end of chemo and new life. Keep an eye on the webpage for details, because you are all invited. No, I don't issue invitations lightly, I really mean it.

Please pray for Miriam's lines, that her blue line might cooperate tomorrow and that her counts will hold out for one more chemo so we don't have to have platelets. Please keep Darian in your prayers as she endures her dentist visit and pray that her pain will be minimal. Please pray for Vern as we are once again separated (he actually likes to have me around!) and pray for me that I don't hurt myself when I jump for joy on Sunday evening as we leave the hospital!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you,

Monday, July 26, 2004 9:16 PM CDT

As you know we had a great weekend - but boy did we have an unexpectedly great day!!! This afternoon, we were invited to the Brown Hotel to meet Orlando Bloom. He was very generous of his time and Miriam was able to have a couple of her favorite posters signed and he also gave her an autograph in her "end of chemo" autograph book. Darian was able to get an autograph also. I took several pictures. He was so sweet - so now he has won a mother's heart and I will forever be his fan for his kindness to Miriam. She was thrilled and came home and called several of her friends to say "guess what I did today!!" We are going to enlarge several of the best pictures and add them to our "Orlando" collection in the hospital this week. Anyway, if you are not a fan of his - you should be just because he is a nice guy. Thanks Orlando!!

I'll update tomorrow after we get back from the clinic and her GFR test at the hospital.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Sunday, July 25, 2004 6:04 PM CDT

I apologize to all of you who faithfully check for updates. We were so busy Friday that I didn't get a chance to take care of an update. Then - unbelievable as it may seem, we decided to leave town on Saturday - right after Miriam's flute lesson.

Let me update you first. Miriam's counts were good on Friday. Her platelets, however, had dropped some more and were at 89 (They only have to be 75, so we can already go in early - I just want them to be stronger so they don't drop too low when we're finished). I am praying that they go up considerably because we are still hoping to go in on Wednesday instead of Friday. After our counts appointment we worked around the house and I had a lot of work to do for the office and for my Bible study. All of the sudden, it was late Friday night. Saturday morning, we got up and decided we needed a night out of town. So, Vern went to work and I mowed so that we would be clear to leave for the evening. Miriam had her flute lesson at the house at 1:30 and, after that, we left for Indianapolis. Our favorite place is the Sheraton Suites at Keystone Crossing. We had dinner at TGIF, shopped (again!) and then watched "Hidalgo" in the room. We stayed up way too late, but it was so nice not having anyone know what was going on in our lives and we could just be free of cancer for a little while. We got up very late this morning and ordered breakfast in bed. After that, we shopped some more - but we bought books - so who can blame us!! We had a beautiful drive around Indy and then took our time getting home. We ended our adventure with dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen at the Oxmoor (too bad we weren't really in California!) We've learned to time our visits during off-peak times to avoid the crowds, so we were able to fit in some fun things. Miriam really wanted to go to the Children's Museum, but of course - too many people - too many germs. Another time!

Anyway, we had a great weekend and I truly do want to apologize to all of you who have checked for updates when there haven't been any. I will try my best not to let it happen again. We see Dr. Soni on Tuesday, followed by a GFR at Kosair. I'll know then whether I want to take a chance with Miriam's platelets or wait a few more days to give them added strength.

I hope you have all had a great weekend. I'll update on Tuesday. Please pray for Miriam's lines and for her counts. We are so close to the end of chemo and we know we are almost on the other side of this "cancer thing."

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004 1:18 PM CDT

Another counts visit behind us. Miriam's blue line worked great and her counts were good, considering she just came off of a chemo and hasn't yet begun her shots (which she begins today - much to her delight!!) We go back again on Friday for counts. Her platelets are on their way up and her hemoglobin is great at 9.4.

After leaving the clinic, we decided we could pick Darian up from being with her dad. School shopping seemed like the order of the day, so we headed out to Kohls. Forty-five minutes and several hundred dollars later, we left having succeeded in purchasing all of the necessary items missing from the girls' wardrobes. (This is another one of those "what Vern doesn't know, won't hurt him" moments.) Needless to say, the girls will be quite stylish upon their return to school.

Once we had completed our shopping, I hurried the girls through fastfood restaurants so that I could get them home and leave for my lunch with my friends (we got to sit down and enjoy our food - my poor children are so mistreated!)

Anyway, that's how our day went. As I said, we go back to the clinic on Friday to check counts. I'll let you know how it goes. Please pray for Miriam's counts to come up high and fast so that we can go in next Wednesday instead of Friday. Also, keep praying for that blue line - it's working!!

Thanks for being such faithful prayer warriors. WE'RE ALMOST THERE!!!!!!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you

Saturday, July 17, 2004 9:25 AM CDT

NUMBER 13 IS BEHIND US!!!! ONLY ONE TO GO!!! Our day went very well yesterday. Miriam's counts were good and they began chemo earlier than last time, so we got home at 8:30 instead of 11:30. We had one of our favorite nurses yesterday, Veronica, who kept things moving. Another one of our favorites, Elaine, came to visit and brought Miriam her much desired Subway sandwich. Darian spent the night with the Engles in the dark (they had no power) and then late yesterday afternoon my friend, Jamie, brought Darian over to the hospital to spend the rest of the time with us. We were in an old bone marrow transplant room. They are small, they have one plastic wall (it's hard to describe - but it's like living in a sandwich bag) and they don't have a bathroom!!! Not my idea of how I'd want to live on a long-term basis. Anyway she played on her computer. So between Miriam's bed, three chairs, a chemo pump, a blood pump and Darian's computer, we had plugs and tubes just about everywhere you went. It's amazing how quickly you just get used to it. I can't imagine what it all looks like to someone coming in for the first time. Oh - since it was a one day, we didn't bring our "five-day supplies" - we only brought our stand-up Legolas (Orlando) so that he could keep an eye on us. Miriam's "Orlando" gift this time was a nightlight (not that she needs one - she just likes the picture on it) and two ink pens with Orlando's image on them. I have to tell you, if I drove everybody this nuts about Elvis (yes, Elvis) when I was a teenager - I'm going to have to apologize!!

Today we are off to Derby Dinner to see "Beauty and the Beast" in their children's series. This next week we are going to fit in school shopping before she goes back in for her five-day. Between her last day of chemo and school, her counts will need all the time they can get to rise up and we won't be going out much. So, we have to go out and find all of our "WOW" outfits now, before it's too late!!

Here's our plan. We go to the clinic for counts on Tuesday and Friday at 8:15 and we see Dr. Soni on the 27th at 8:15. We are due back in for chemo on the 30th, but we are going to talk him into bumping us up two days like he did last time after the one day - in which case we are hoping to go in on the 28th. That way, she'll stand a better chance of going back to school on the first day.

Her final scans have been scheduled for August 17, beginning with her heart echo, then her bone scan injection, chest MRI, and ending with her bone scan. Please begin praying now that these tests reveal nothing new and unusual. We are counting on everything being clear. After the scans come back clear, we can schedule a date to have her catheter removed and she will be FREE!!!

Please pray for Miriam's lines to keep going a little while longer and pray for her counts to continue to amaze us. We are still trying for a record of no OMO and no platelets! Thank you all for keeping up with Miriam and caring so much. Most of all, thank you for your continued and faithful prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 3:58 PM CDT

Today was another clinic visit. Miriam's blue line worked AGAIN - PRAISE THE LORD! Her counts were good. Her platelets had dropped dramatically, but that was to be expected. They were, however, still "high" by chemo standards so we are good to go for Friday's chemo. Her hemoglobin had dropped below the transfusion level, but they are letting us wait until we are in on Friday to get the blood. She continues to feel really good, so we have nothing to complain about.

After we left the clinic, we headed over to Kosair for her NEXT-TO-LAST GFR. It's only a six minute test, but by the time you've gone through outpatient registration, walked to Norton nuclear med and actually had the test - it seems a lot longer than that! Especially when you go every other week. We actually discussed scheduling her final scans today at her clinic appointment. I just can't believe we are to that point.

We left the hospital, picked up Darian from tennis camp (watch out Chris Everett!!!) and went to visit with our good friend Vicki in Jeffersonville who gave the girls autographed pictures of Colin Raye (one of our favorite country singers). You can guess what we did after that - yes we headed off to the movies. The theatre had changed the movie times last week, so instead of "Harry Potter" we saw "Sleepover" last week and went to see "Harry Potter" today. It was good and not nearly as frightening as the girls had imagined.

Vern and Darian have been going to Bible school since Sunday at church and Miriam and I are going to join them for the carnival tomorrow - since her counts are good. It is outside and we will be able to enjoy a little sunshine and maybe see some people we haven't seen in awhile.

I am overwhelmed when I think that in a mere month or so, Miriam will be back in school, we'll be back at church, and our lives will be our "new normal." Just two more chemos (including Friday's), some scans and a catheter removal surgery to go!!! We are so excited.

Please keep those prayers coming for Miriam's lines and for her counts. Say a special prayer for her to resist infection as we draw this to a close.

God has been so good to us. We have just experienced one praise after another and He continues on. What else can I say, except

GOD IS GOOD AND GOD IS FAITHFUL.

We love you.

Friday, July 9, 2004 8:56 AM CDT

Hey, we are not ones to overlook blessings! Miriam's counts were unexpectedly (and I mean really unexpectedly) HIGH today!! Praise the Lord. They have never been this high on the third day following the end of a five-day chemo. Her body is continuing to fight long and hard to help her out and I know only that God's hand has kept her going when she shouldn't have been. Her platelets dropped, but are still a very healthy 285. Her hemoglobin is 8.0 (they transfuse below 8.0) so, she is eating broccoli with every meal this weekend and we are on a "moo meat" feeding frenzy getting all of the natural iron into her body that we can. We go back on Tuesday for our appointment with Dr. Soni, and we'll see how successful we were!!!

Her ANC is 6300 - so instead of finishing cleaning the playroom and the bedrooms (which we began yesterday) we are taking advantage of the unexpected and going to see "Harry Potter" this morning. The cleaning will have to wait until we get back. (Oh, boo hoo!!) I have no idea what her counts will be on Tuesday, they could go up or down, but I'm hoping the fact that they were so high today is a good sign! We are definitely going to take advantage of high counts today, however.

I hope you all have a great weekend. Please pray for Miriam's lines to continue to function properly and pray for her counts to go up and not down - and for her platelets to stay strong. Say an extra little prayer for her hemoglobin to rise up just a little.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Wednesday, July 7, 2004 9:43 AM CDT

TWELVE CHEMOS DOWN - TWO TO GO - PRAISE THE LORD!!! Miriam's chemo went very well and, all things considered, we had a really nice holiday weekend. Vern and Darian came to the hospital quite a bit and we had a lot of visitors on Friday so that made the time pass quickly. Her "Orlando" gift this time was a framed wooden plaque that she can hang on her wall years after she is too old for posters to be hung everywhere (or her grandchildren start asking why grandma has posters of a blond-haired elf hanging on her walls!) She loved it! It's a good thing we are coming to the end of chemo because it now takes me a good hour to get the room "decorated" with our many Orlandos and all of the other stuff, like her cd player, dvd player, fridge, games, stuffed animals, etc. I'm not kidding you, we could probably move and establish a whole new household with what we take to the hospital!

Her chemo went very well and her lines, while once again finding new ways to be uncooperative, did finally get into the game. We were so happy to come home last night, knowing that we only have two more chemos to go. Miriam's counts are very low, but they always are after a five-day. Her hemoglobin hung in there and she didn't have to get blood. Her platelets are staying strong and we are hoping that they don't drop too low this time.

Here is our plan. We start shots to day (she is sooooo thrilled!) and we go to the clinic on Friday for counts. Next Tuesday, we see Dr. Soni and have our GFR at Kosair. We are supposed to go in on Friday, July 16, for a one-day, but we could be delayed. I won't really have a good idea on where we are until we get her counts next Tuesday. She is trying so hard to stay on schedule to get back to school on the very first day.

In just about a month, her "chemolization" will all be behind and we will be getting ready for her final tests and scans and her last (hopefully) surgery for many years to come - to remove her catheter. Then she can finally take a shower. She's says she is going to get into the shower and never come out!!!

Please continue to pray for her lines to hold out another month and pray for her counts to go up quickly and her platelets to not drop too low. We cannot thank you enough for all of your prayers and support. We have been very fortunate with Miriam's treatment and long-term diagnosis and we feel we truly owe it all to prayer.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, July 4, 2004 9:10 PM CDT

Just a quick note to bring you up-to-date. I came home this evening to get some of my financial stuff out of the way for our business and to spend some time with Darian. Miriam is feeling very well. Her counts are dropping down to nothing, but they are supposed to during a five-day. Her platelet count is remaining strong. Her lines, however, are giving us more difficulty than ever. We had quite a time getting her blood drawn at 4:30 this morning (yes, they draw it at 4:30 in the morning!!!). Please say an extra prayer for her lines over the next four weeks - we need them to hold out a little longer.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Thursday, July 1, 2004 10:23 AM CDT

We had another clinic visit this morning (I keep wanting to say we had "another nutter butter peanutbutter cookie", but you are all too young to remember that commercial!!) Anyway, Miriam's blue refused to give anything but a couple of drops. Just enough to let us know that it was mocking us. Our nurse, Donna (not me, the real one) tried her red line, on a lark, before giving in and BEHOLD it worked!! One day I am going to have to totally give up thinking that I've figured any of this out. For now, I am content to function under the illusion that I actually know what I'm doing. Her counts were wonderful. They have fallen since Tuesday, but she hasn't been on her shots since Monday so that's okay. Her hemoglobin had risen to 9.5 which is almost normal and her platelets were a very PRAYED for 499!!! So, tomorrow we will go directly to the hospital to begin a five-day, #12 chemo. The bad thing is, it's a holiday weekend. The good thing is, it's a holiday weekend and we'll have a great room from which to watch the fireworks!!

We've had a good week. We went to see "The Notebook" on Tuesday. It was so sweet and beautiful. Now I've got to take Vern back so he and I can sit there and watch it and say, that's us in 40 years (okay, maybe not 40 years) - but you get my drift. Darian, my emotional waif who I call Boo anyway (because she's scared of every sound she hears) should have been called Boo Hoo on Tuesday. She was crying so hard the whole theatre sighed when the lights went up and they saw her. Miriam, Natalie, Emily and I fought hard to maintain our dignity, but we all sniffled quite a bit. Go see it, if you ever have a day that you need to see the beauty of life put before you.

We're pretty ready for tomorrow. We've been book shopping again (again, we don't have to share everything with Vern) and we've been to Target buying supplies (again, the no share rule applies). It's enough that we let Vern pay for everything - must we bore him with the details?? Today we are having a cooking day to get all of Miriam's food ready for the hospital. She has not eaten one bite of hospital food since this started. Oh no, she's a chili, spaghetti, ham, tex mex, steak kind of girl and she maintains her principles even in the hospital. So when I say a cooking day, I mean COOKING DAY!

Please keep us in your prayers over the weekend. Pray for Miriam's lines to cooperate and for her body to once again tolerate the chemo well. Just think, when we get home on Tuesday, we'll only have two more to go!!

We love you all and continue to be blessed by your prayers and your support.

God is good and God is faithful.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 10:42 AM CDT

We had our clinic visit this morning and again God was merciful. Miriam's blue line worked (slowly, but surely) and her counts were fantastic!! Even her platelets were up to 407, and they haven't been that high since she was off chemo for surgery. So, Dr. Soni said that we could go in Friday for chemo instead of waiting until next week. We will be going to the clinic for counts at 8:15 on Thursday and then we will be going to Kosair first thing in the morning on Friday. We'll be in over the holiday weekend, but that should mean things will be quiet there and it means that Vern and Darian can spend more time at the hospital. What joy to them!!!

This one is number 12! Can you believe it? God has brought us through so many hurdles, both emotionally and physically and we continue to praise Him for His goodness. Each day behind us is a day for which we are thankful.

We are picking up Natalie and Emily and heading out to see "The Notebook." According to Miriam, it has that "cute guy from the old show Hercules" in it. I know it has James Garner and Gena Rowland - how old does that make me that I'm going to see a movie because James Garner is in it??? Oh well, we all know that older men are my men of choice!!! (You don't have to tell Vern I said that - he never reads this webpage and the less he knows, the better!!) After that, I'm taking the girls to Cracker Barrel because all Miriam can think about is lemon pepper fish. She seems to function from one meal to the next - which is a good thing because she is maintaining her weight.

Please continue to pray for her stubborn lines and pray for her counts, especially her platelets, to stay strong just a little while longer. Thank you for praying faithfully and sustaining us through this difficult time.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Thursday, June 24, 2004 12:14 AM CDT

Another clinic visit behind us. Neither one of Miriam's lines wanted to work today, so our counts visit took over two hours while the "clot-busting" medicine did its thing. Finally, her blue line decided to cooperate (especially if she yawned - yes, they really are that positional!!). Her counts were great, which means she doesn't have to wear her mask at all when we go to Churchill Downs tomorrow for her special day. (Yeah, Praise God!!!) She was willing to wear a mask because her friends are going with us and she didn't want to disappoint them - but she wasn't happy about it. Now, that isn't a worry and she can just enjoy her day. By the time we left the clinic, we were starving so we drove straight to Cracker Barrel to indulge in a big breakfast to fortify us for the rest of our day.

We stopped by the JayC on the way home to buy Miriam's drink of joice - apple juice - and I nearly killed myself in the juice aisle. I won't go into the whole story, but I have a nice bump on my forehead and quite a good sized headache. We laughed so hard that I was afraid the employees were going to think we had lost our minds! Well, come to think of it.... How is it that my injuries always incite uproarious laughter from my children??

Miriam has another flute lesson this afternoon with Mr. Waters. It is so nice to at least start have a few normal things enter back into our lives. After that, I think we'll rest up for tomorrow.

We have to go back to the clinic on Tuesday to see our doctor and have counts. As it stands now, Miriam is due back in for chemo #12 (a five-day) beginning July 6 (it's bumped from the 5th because of the holiday). I'm going to work on our doctor to let us bump it back to July 2 - but I doubt that's a possibility. You can't blame me for trying, however. Every day counts to get her back to school as early as possible.

Please keep praying for her lines (you can see we need it) and as always, her counts. Let's not forget to always pray for the cancer to stay away forever. Thank you all for your faithfulness as prayer warriors.

God is good and God is faithful

We love you.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004 9:31 AM CDT

Praise to our good and mighty Savior - Miriam is now finished with 11 chemos with only 3 to go. Yesterday was a very long day. We got to the clinic at 8:00 and her blue line worked for the blood to be drawn. Her counts were still good and her platelets were finally high enough to go. By the time we walked over to the hospital and "checked" in, her blue line decided to quit working and they had to "clot-bust" her red one. I don't know what she did on the walk over, but it must have been something! Anyway, chemo went very well. Darian spent most of the day with us, after she and her dad delivered Logan's for lunch. For such a young lady, Miriam can eat more "moo meat" than anyone I know!! We didn't get home until around 11:30 last night and we fell into our beds. Matter of fact, the girls are still sleeping right now.

Please keep us in your prayers as we wake up each day counting down our miracle until Miriam is finished with being "chemolized"!!

Please continue to pray for her lines, as you can see they are still being obstinate, and please continue to pray for her counts.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Friday, June 18, 2004 8:02 AM CDT

To say that we are disappointed is an understatement. Miriam's platelets were still too low for chemo today so we won't be going in until Monday. These delays will now be commonplace as we near the end of chemo. She was very disappointed at the news because now she knows that she will be unable to attend school on the first day, as she had hoped. It will more likely be the beginning of September. We allowed ourselves our few moments of depression and then went on - that's what you do - you go on. We praise God that the delays began so late in her treatment and we are thankful to Him that He continues to allow her good health.

The good thing is that her counts are high so at least we can have fun over the weekend. We are going to spend some fun time today and try to take in the Bats game tonight - if it doesn't rain. I don't know what else we'll do, but I know we have lots of ideas.

Please pray for Miriam's lines to continue to cooperate and pray for her platelets to rise up before Monday. They were 67 today and they have to be 75 - so we're close!

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004 3:57 PM CDT

Hey folks - not much to tell from our visit today. Miriam's counts were very good, but her platelets are holding out for a few more days of fun. They were only 57 today and they have to be 75 for chemo. So, we aren't going in tomorrow for her one-day. We have to go back to the clinic for counts at 8:00 Friday morning and Dr. Soni feels sure that her platelets will be high enough by then. Hopefully, we'll be hooked up, "chemolized" and home again by 8:00 or so in the evening on Friday. Just think, my dear prayer warriors - after this one there are only THREE more to go and then, PRAISE GOD, no more chemo!!!

Miriam came home and rested for awhile because we have been having some late nights this summer. Yesterday, she recuperated from her night on the Belle with Natalie and then we played games and topped it all off with dinner in Corydon. Tomorrow, we don't have any definite plans, but I'm sure we can find some trouble somewhere. Not that we ever have to look very hard!!!

Please keep praying for her lines to keep working. We haven't had to have the "clot-busting" medicine for quite some time now and we are hoping to avoid it a little while longer. Also, pray for Miriam's counts to continue to stay strong and for her platelets to go up, up, up!

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you.

Monday, June 14, 2004 1:07 PM CDT

Hello Everyone:

We had a counts appointment this morning. The good news is that Miriam's counts were very good and she will be able to go with Natalie on the Belle of Louisville tonight. However, her platelets are very low, which we expected near to the end of chemo - so we may not be going in Thursday for her one day. We have a clinic visit on Wednesday and we'll see what is happening then. She continues to feel great so it is hard to complain about anything.

After we left the clinic, we ran home to pick up Darian and then did what any self-respecting women would do - WE WENT SHOPPING!!! Next Friday, Miriam has been invited to Churchill Downs (with a few of her friends) to be treated like royalty and she will present the trophy in the 5th race. This, of course, required a new outfit (shoes, purse and jewelry to match!) for both her and her sister. Poor dad - it's a good thing he works so hard!!!

We are chilling out for the afternoon. Tomorrow we plan to go to the movies and after our clinic appointment on Wednesday, I think we are going to go to the movies again. You know - strike while the iron is hot!

I'm hoping that Miriam will go in for her chemo at least by Friday, but we'll see what God has in store. He has certainly provided for us thus far.

Please keep the prayers coming. We are so blessed by each and every one of you. We hold fast to Phil. 4:13 and truly believe God is our strength. ONLY FOUR MORE CHEMOS TO GO!!!!!

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Thursday, June 10, 2004 11:36 AM CDT

Hello to all of our faithful prayer warriors:

I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to update since Miriam's last chemo. To say it has been busy is quite the understatement. Anyway, chemo #10 went very well. The time went by very quickly because it was from a Thursday to a Monday and we had a lot going on. We were very thankful to come home on Monday, knowing that we only have 2 one-days and 2 five-days ahead of us. Miriam's "Orlando" gift this time was a blanket with Orlando's face all over it. She loved it. Then, in today's mail, a new friend for our family, sent Miriam a pillow case with Orlando's face on it. She is now completely surrounded by Orlando!!!!

Darian's recital was over the weekend and she did beautifully. It was difficult not seeing Miriam dance with her class, but there is always next year.

We were so happy to be home on Monday. It has been such a busy week that I can't believe it is already Thursday. Darian has been attending drama camp at NAHS every day and having a great time. Miriam has picked out several recipes and has decided to cook for us several times over the next week. Fortunately, she is a very good cook.

We had a counts appointment this morning at 8:00 (much to Darian's dismay!) and we were amazed that Miriam's counts were still pretty good. She actually had an ANC of 700 which is much higher than she usually has at this time after a chemo. So, we are praying for them to stay strong and climb higher. After our counts appointment, we dropped Darian off at a friend's so she could be driven to drama camp and then Miriam and I headed over to Kosair for her GFR. After that, we picked up Darian and came home. Miriam is having a flute lesson tonight for the first time since December. Her flute teacher, Richard Waters (he's wonderful - so I'm giving him a plug!!) is coming to our house to give her a lesson. She's a little out of practice, but she's excited.

This weekend, we don't have any big plans because we can't be sure which way Miriam's counts will go until they are checked on Monday. We are praying for high counts on Monday because she is supposed to go on a Belle of Louisville cruise Monday night with Natalie's youth group. Then, between Monday and Wednesday we are going to fit in a couple of movies, a trip to Derby Dinner and shopping for her day at Churchill Downs on the 25th. A girl can never have too many cute outfits, can she????

It is hard to believe that we have come this far. We have 10 chemos behind and only 4 ahead of us. Since our final two 3-days were changed to 1-days (and we don't have to spend the night for the 1-days) - we only have 12 more days and 8 more nights to be in the hospital. We praise God that Miriam has come this far without any extra hospitalizations and without receiving platelets!!! Only a mighty God could bless us that much.

Please continue to pray for her lines, as they are still proving to be the thorn in her side and please pray that her counts will only go up and stay strong. I really want her to be able to continue to have fun and spend time with her friends. Also, we need to continue to pray for Miriam to tolerate her chemo well. She shouldn't develop any side effects, after already having 10 chemos, but I don't want to take anything for granted.

Thank you for your faithful prayers and please keep them coming. Prayer has made all of the difference in Miriam's treatment and we praise God who is never too tired to hear our prayers.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 10:17 AM CDT

Hey Friends:

I just wanted to let you know that we got home about 8:00 last night. Everything went well and I'll fill you in on the details tomorrow when I have more time.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, June 4, 2004 7:11 PM CDT

Hello Friends:

I came home this evening to get Darian ready for her dance rehearsal tomorrow and thought that I would give you an update. We went to the clinic yesterday and Miriam's counts were great. So we are currently in room 743 for a five-day which began yesterday and will end Monday. Only four more to go after this one. Her platelets bounced back really well. She did get blood yesterday, which she usually does at the end of a five-day, but needed at the beginning. Her hemoglobin level was only 7.4 and it needs to be at least 8 or higher. As always, she continues to feel really well and this chemo is going really quickly. I think because it is over the weekend and there is so much going on. We are so excited to be narrowing down the number of chemos. I told Miriam that we will be partying every day of her final chemo. She says she'll party the last day of chemo.

Natalie was able to come over the day before we went in and she and Miriam had a very busy afternoon. She has quite a few plans between this chemo and next, so hopefully the time will continue to go quickly. If your summer flies by - sorry - it's just a byproduct of my prayer for a quick end to chemo! You all must suffer for my prayers to be granted!!!

I'll let you know how things are when we get home Monday (it may be late - so look for an update on Tuesday). In the meanwhile, please continue to pray for her lines which find new and exciting ways to aggravate us each and every treatment. Also, pray for us all as we negotiate a very busy weekend of comings and goings - both at the hospital and at home.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Tuesday, June 1, 2004 10:36 AM CDT

Well, here's how our morning went. First, the weather is beautiful (finally) and for that we are thankful. We went to the clinic for our 8:15 counts appointment. Miriam's blue line worked beautifully. However, the power surges, over the weekend, had knocked the clinic's blood testing equipment out of whack. So, after sitting around for a while, we were eventually sent over to the hospital - blood sample in hand. Miriam's counts were good, except for her platelets which were not high enough for admission. So, we go back Thursday morning at 8:00 and, if the platelets are high enough, we will be admitted at that time. So, most likely, we will be back on our original schedule of Thursday to Monday. What goes around - comes around!!

Anyway, she feels pretty good. She is in bed right now, because in her usual state of anticipation of a hospitalization, she slept very little last night. Her ANC is good, so at least we can go out in public over the next couple of days - once she gets rested.

I hope you all fared well over the weekend. We lost a couple of trees and a trampoline. After this year, a couple of trees and a trampoline are pretty insignificant - but we were very thankful nonetheless.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's lines and for her counts. Please pray for her platelets to increase, as they are getting weaker as the time goes by. We value you your prayers and thank God for each of you on a daily basis.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Tuesday, June 1, 2004 5:46 AM CDT

It's early Tuesday morning and we're getting ready to go to the clinic and hopefully on to the hospital. If this message is still on the webpage tonight, then you know everything went well and Miriam was admitted for a five-day. In that case, we won't be home until late Saturday evening.

Please pray for Miriam's lines to work today and pray for her counts to be high enough for admission.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Thursday, May 27, 2004 11:04 AM CDT

Okay Friends:

Here's the 411, the FYI, the info, the scoop, the "in the know" information. Our clinic visit this morning went well. Miriam's red line wouldn't work, but her blue line came through for us. Unfortunately, her counts are holding out for another day. Her white blood count was .2, her platelets were a whopping 39 and once again, she registered no ANC on the richter scale!!! The good news is that she continues to feel great. She sleeps a little more than usual, but I wonder, is that because of her chemo or because she is now a teenager??? Anyway, we did get to see our doctor today who wasn't concerned about anything. After all, everyone warned us that as chemo progressed, the bone marrow gets tired of carrying the load and her counts would go lower and take longer to rebound. Well, what do you know, they knew what they were talking about.

So, we aren't going to her awards day tomorrow at school. She's okay with that because she is just happy to have maintained her straight A's for the year. Matter of fact, we aren't going anywhere over the weekend - we are in "lockdown" mode until we get her counts on Tuesday. Hopefully, they will be high enough that we can still go in for a five-day on Tuesday.

While we were at the hospital getting her GFR, I got a call from Darian's school saying someone had stepped on her foot and she has an injured and bloody toe. At this point, I'm thinking it is a good thing that God only gave me two children - because I'm barely managing them right now. To top off our event-filled day, last night during the storm, Miriam's favorite "reading" tree (the tree doesn't read - Miriam does while sitting under it) was struck by lighting, splitting it in two and dropping dead birds throughout our yard. We praise God that it was the tree and not the house. So, we have now had the proverbial "lightning strike" and we are ready to move on.

All in all, it has been an exciting 24 hours around our house, but through it all, God has been good and kind in the things that really matter. We are planning to have some family time over the weekend and anytime there is family time - it is a good time.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, May 24, 2004 10:10 AM CDT

Another clinic visit is behind us. Miriam's lines cooperated and her counts were good, so we were only there a half of an hour. Praise God yet again! After leaving the clinic, we dropped by Grantline Nursery and picked up some flowers for our front porch. We have neglected to plant anything this year, so we were very "colorless" and Miriam felt that this needed our immediate attention.

Miriam continues to do well. She and I skipped Derby Dinner on Friday so that she could rest. We just happened to get our rest while we watched the season finale of our favorite show "JAG." She did take a few naps in the days immediately following our release from the hospital last week - but only because we got a record breaking "no sleep" during our visit last week. We were so thankful to be in our own beds. We had a very nice weekend and enjoyed just being home.

Miriam has already finished one final and is studying for another right now. She is very anxious to have school finished for the year and try to fit in some fun over the summer before returning to school in the fall. We are going to take advantage of every summer day that we aren't in the hospital. Darian is certainly looking forward to spending more time with Mommy and Sissy.

We have a pre-chemo doctor's visit on Thursday morning, followed by Miriam's GFR at Kosair and then we don't go back to the clinic until Tuesday. After our clinic visit Tuesday, we should be admitted for chemo #10 (a five-day).

Please continue to pray for Miriam's lines and for her counts to stay strong. She is hoping to attend her awards day at school this Friday. Pray for Darian as she wraps up another year, and it has been a long one!

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Thursday, May 20, 2004 1:17 PM CDT

Well guys, we're home again! We now have nine chemos behind and five to go. We're getting there - slowly but surely. God was good and we had another uneventful chemo. Miriam's lines gave us the usual grief, but all things considered, we can deal with that. Our most distressing moment was waiting to see whether American voted to send off Jasmine, Diana or Fantasia!! Her counts are okay for now. They will go down before I start giving her the shots on Saturday, but of course, they'll rise again!

Darian's play went very well last night and she had a great time. Miriam and I are planning to take the dogs to Darian tomorrow for pet day and we are hoping to go to Derby Dinner tomorrow night while Miriam's counts are still up high enough. After that, we'll probably avoid any public outing until we see what her counts are on Monday.

Miriam continues to amaze me with her strength and her courage. I feared in the beginning, what this might to do her outlook on life. I shouldn't have. It has strengthed her resolve and she plans the future with every passing day. Her faith in God has been unwavering and the knowledge that His plan is being fulfilled is the belief of us all.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's lines and they cause her stress every time we go the clinic or the hospital. Also, please continue to pray for her to avoid infection and for the cancer to stay gone!

I hope you all have a great weekend. I'll let you know on Monday how things go.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, May 17, 2004 11:06 AM CDT

We had another counts visit this morning and Miriam's counts were back in full swing. Neither one of her lines would work, so we sat there for two hours while the "clot be gone" medicine worked! Anyway, we're off to Kosair tomorrow to begin a three-day. That means, we should be home sometime around Thursday afternoon.

We had a very busy weekend. Darian went to a Bobcat party at school and then spent the night with a friend and Miriam was able to have a few friends over for a little birthday party on Saturday.

There isn't much else to tell right now. We've kind of fallen into a pattern, but we take nothing for granted. Please continue to pray for her lines and for her counts. When we leave the hospital on Thursday, we only have 5 more to go! Praise the Lord.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Friday, May 14, 2004 8:02 AM CDT

We thank God for His goodness and mercy!! Miriam's counts are finally on the rise! I am to continue to give her shots through Sunday and we have a counts appointment on Monday. If everything goes on schedule, and it should at this point, we will go in on Tuesday to begin a 3-day

Miriam is very excited because we have not been out since before her last 5-day which was almost two weeks ago! So, she is doing homework now and taking a couple of tests so that we can go to the movies this afternoon. Tomorrow she is having a few friends over to celebrate last week's birthday and then we're off to the Bats. Monday, she has plans for us to slip in another movie, but we'll see how homework and finals are going.

Darian is busy with her practices for "The Wizard of Oz", with her performance next Wednesday. Miriam and I are going to miss her performance, but we're going to try to catch it when they perform for the school next Friday.

We're also spending a lot of time getting ready for a yard sale that we're going to have. Yes, I said yard sale. I have no idea how we accumulated so much stuff - obviously -Vern did it! Cleaning stuff out of all of our rooms and closets has given us something to do while we've been stuck at home. It has also given me another opportunity to rearrange furniture and keep Vern guessing!

As always, thank you for your continued prayers. "In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." (Psalms 5:3) God has provided beyond our expectations and we praise His name for that.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 11:34 AM CDT

I just have time for a quick entry today. We had a clinic visit this morning. Miriam's counts are still practically nonexistent. She still isn't registering an ANC. The good news, again - PRAISE THE LORD - is that Miriam continues to feel good. Perhaps a bit tired, but good. We are leaving here in a few minutes to go to Kosair for her GFR.

Please pray for her counts to come up so that we can go in for chemo on Monday. She wants to stay on schedule so she can return to school as soon as possible in the fall. Your prayers have worked miracles in the past so we're asking for another.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, May 10, 2004 8:17 AM CDT

Well, we had our clinic visit this morning. Miriam's hemoglobin and platelets were great! Her white blood count was the lowest it has been and she didn't even have an ANC. So, she is pretty much under house arrest for the next few days until her shots take over and her counts start coming up. As always, thank God that she feels great! Sometimes, it almost makes it worse, however, because she feels like going out and doing something - but we can't leave the house. Fortunately, it is a beautiful day and we can at least go outside.

We have another clinic visit on Wednesday and then her GFR at Kosair. Please pray for her counts to go up and go up quickly because we really want to stay on schedule so that we can finish.

A big thank you to all of you who sent Miriam birthday cards and gifts. As of right now, she has received almost 120 birthday cards and I know that even more people were thinking of her and praying for her. She had a wonderful birthday.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Saturday, May 8, 2004 2:59 AM CDT

We are thankful to a great and mighty God that chemo #8 is finished! Only 6 more to go!!! Everything went well at the clinic on Monday and we went straight over to Kosair. We stayed in the same room that we stayed in when Miriam was diagnosed over Christmas. We'd still rather be at a Hilton, but hey, God's glory is shown in many ways. Of course, immediately upon arriving, I set about to hang pictures and posters of Orlando over every part of the walls that Miriam could see. I'm beginning to think he's cute myself - which means I've seen way too much Orlando!!!

While we were there, Elaine, one of Miriam's favorite nurses, gave her an autographed picture of Orlando. I have to tell you that Miriam didn't put the picture down unless she needed both hands to eat. Another one of the nurses, Terry, gave her Orlando buttons which she put on one of her favorite hats. These are things that the nurses don't have to do, but it really testifies to the love and compassion that the nurses feel for children like Miriam. Everywhere you turn - it's Orlando, Orlando, Orlando. I can't really say anything, I distinctly remember my room being wallpapered with Elvis when I was about her age. I even had a poster of Shawn Cassidy! Does anyone but me remember when we thought Shawn Cassidy could sing? Anybody but me even remember Shawn Cassidy???

Her chemo went well as it always does - no sickness - no side effects. It's hard to complain at all. We watched some movies, played some games (she still has no mercy on me) and she even did some homework.

The plan for now is this. We have a counts appointment on Monday, an appointment with our doctor on Wednesday and another counts appointment on Friday. Somewhere in there will be a GFR at Kosair, but we don't know when. If all goes well, we'll be back in Kosair on the 17th for a 3-day.

I almost hate to ask you to pray for anything because God has already blessed us in so many ways that I feel like I need to give Him a break. But I know that He tells us to call on Him for everything and so I ask that you pray for Miriam's lines, her counts, and as always - pray that the cancer stays away from Miriam FOREVER.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Monday, May 3, 2004 10:18 AM CDT

Updated by Diana Gresham per Donna

Praise God everything went well. Miriam lines worked and her counts were high. We are in room 745 in Kosair and due to be home Friday evening.

Please remember to send Miriam birthday cards if you have a minute.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all!

Friday, April 30, 2004 8:36 AM CDT

Yesterday we had our follow-up visit with the surgeon. Everything really looked good and he was pleased with how Miriam's incision had healed. It is strange, however, because you can feel a place below her right shoulder blade were there should be bone - and there isn't!. Of course, it's where the three ribs should be. You can't see anything - you can just feel it.

Today we had our clinic visit. Her red line worked on the first try, so we've decided Darian is our good luck charm because she went with us today. Her counts were not much better than they were on Wednesday, but they are on the way up. I still have to give her shots tonight and tomorrow and then hopefully Monday she will be high enough to go in for chemo. Her ANC only has to be 750 and it was 800 today, so it should go up (due to the shots) and we should be fine on Monday. This is the important one because if she goes in on Monday, she will be home on Friday. Her big 13th birthday is Saturday and she wants to be home on her birthday. Who wouldn't?? I really would like for her to be showered with cards on her birthday, so if you are reading this and have a minute, please send her a card toward the end of the week to tell her happy birthday. I'd really appreciate it. It won't be the 13th birthday she had planned for, but she's here - so we aren't complaining. You can bet we're going to have a blow out next year on her 14th!!!

Today, Vern is taking us to lunch and then Miriam has a couple of tests to take for school. We plan on doing school work, getting rest, and chilling this weekend. Darian is off school today so it's nice to have her home.

Please keep Miriam's counts in your prayers, so that they would go up, up, up before Monday. Also, continue to pray for her lines to work and for no infections! God continues to reassure us daily of His mighty presence in every minute detail of our lives.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 10:09 AM CDT

We had our clinic visit this morning. Since they had me start Miriam on her shots two days later than normal, her counts were very low today. We have a counts appointment on Friday to see if they have risen enough to go ahead and do chemo on Monday. If not, we'll be going in on Monday for counts and then chemo on Wednesday. Please pray for Miriam's counts to go up in the next two days because we really want to stay on schedule. The deceptive part about Miriam's counts is that she feels great so it's impossible to tell when her counts are low. We were going to the Science Center but ended up renting movies and coming home instead. When we get disappointed about little things like this, we have to remind ourselves of how well everything else goes. The big things - like not getting sick with chemo, running around most of the time, maintaining her schooling, HAVING ALL OF THE CANCER GONE!!! Not getting to go to the Science Center is pretty minor when you look at all the gifts that God has given us.

Please pray for her counts to go up, up, up!! I'll keep you posted on what they're doing with us.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, April 26, 2004 6:00 PM CDT

Miriam's counts were great today! She just started her shots yesterday, so it was pretty much her body doing all of the work. Her red line didn't want to work again - but that just seems to be the thorn in our side. I look at it this way, after all of the good that has happened, if the line being difficult is the worst thing that happens during our days - who cares?? Autumn worked her magic and eventually got the blood that was needed. After the clinic, we went to Kosair for her GFR.

When we finished with all of the "cancer" stuff, we headed off to the movies to see "13 Going On 30". It was a really cute film and we really enjoyed it. After our day of fun, Miriam still had some work to do with Mr. Dennison - but she has a lot more work to do tomorrow since we played so much today!

We had a great weekend and got to enjoy the weather. Sunday we took Natalie with us and went to Derby Dinner to see "Smokey Joe's Cafe". We had seen it before, but we enjoyed it even more this time.

We have a clinic visit with Dr. Soni on Wednesday and then we have a follow-up with Dr. Nagaraj on Thursday. If all goes as scheduled, we go in for a 5-day on Monday and we'll be released (makes it sound like we're in prison) some time Friday evening. We're praying for things to stay on schedule because Miriam turns 13 on the 8th and we are hoping and praying for her to be at home on her birthday.

Please continue to pray for her lines to relinquish their stubborness and work on a consistent basis. Also, please pray for Miriam's counts to stay strong. God has been so good to Miriam and I know He has good things in store for her.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 4:54 PM CDT

We're home - again! Miriam's chemotherapy went well and we got out of the hospital around 3:00, ran errands and got home at 4:30. We don't have to go to the clinic for counts until early Monday morning. Yeah! Yeah! If all goes as scheduled, we'll be back in for a five day beginning May 3. Because Miriam's counts were still relatively high today, she doesn't begin shots until Sunday - which means that between now and then her counts will only go down.

Miriam feels very well and is glad to be home. We now have 7 chemos behind us! We will be very glad to have the 8th behind us - because then we are truly on the other side of "half".

Please pray for Miriam's lines to continue to work and pray for her to resist infection as her counts drop.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Sunday, April 18, 2004 10:14 AM CDT

Well, we're off to the hospital tomorrow for a 3-day. We've had a very good weekend and we've been able to enjoy the weather. Darian went to church Friday night for a break-away, so Miriam, Vern and I went to dinner at Kelsey's and then rented a movie. Miriam gets confused occasionally, due to her medicine, and it took Vern and her a long time to go in and get the movie. They later explained that Miriam had told her dad she wanted "West Side Story" so he was looking in old musicals. What she really wanted was "Wild, Wild West". They spent some time looking in the wrong place until Miriam mentioned Will Smith and her dad knew he was on the wrong track. It can get pretty weird around here sometimes because Miriam speaks her own language and, unfortunately, I understand it. When she gets her words confused I still know what she means. The scarier thing is that I get my words confused sometimes and she knows what I mean. I keep telling her that the chemo is obviously somehow seeping into my pores and affected my brain. She seems to think it could be old age!!

Miriam did homework on Saturday, but we were able to enjoy the weather and we ended our day with ice cream at Polly's Freeze. How can any day be bad that ends with ice cream?

Today, we are getting things ready for the hospital. Miriam has more homework to do and she is cleaning her room. I use the word "cleaning" lightly! Tonight, we have to watch "Trading Spaces" because, in case you don't know, I am going to be the one to win my mortgage from that show! You can count on it.

Please pray for Miriam to get a good night's sleep tonight. Pray for her to handle this chemo as well as she has the others. Pray for Darian and Vern and they deal with us being gone - again.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Friday, April 16, 2004 9:31 AM CDT

We had our clinic visit this morning and Miriam's counts were good. They had some trouble with her lines, but they never give up over there. Before putting the magic "clot-busting" medicine in, one of the nurses gave it another try. Fortunately, this time her red line worked and, amazingly enough, a small clot came out - so hopefully that will take care of the problem for awhile. Miriam didn't sleep well last night, so saying she was grumpy this morning is putting it mildly. For a minute there, I thought I was going to have to take some of her leftover pain medication!!! She's in bed right now getting some much needed sleep.

Anyway, we go to the clinic for counts on Monday and then make our trek over to Kosair to begin her 7th chemo, which is a 3-day. If all goes well, we should be home on Wednesday.

Please continue to pray for her lines to work properly, as this is a big anxiety for Miriam each time we go to the clinic and the hospital. Also, pray for Miriam to tolerate her chemo well. After this one, we're half-way there - 7 down, 7 to go.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Thursday, April 15, 2004 10:09 AM CDT

Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow!

Yesterday I received a call from the clinic regarding Miriam's pathology report. The tumor was 100% dead!!! Thank you for your prayers. I told the nurse at the clinic that if anyone there didn't believe in the prayer and God before - what better time to start. That means NO RADIATION for Miriam. She will just finish out her eight remaining rounds of chemo and move on.

So - please pray for her to tolerate the remaining eight rounds of chemo as well as she has the last six rounds. Also, begin praying now for the cancer to stay away FOREVER!

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004 1:21 PM CDT

Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow!!!

I just received a call from the clinic regarding Miriam's pathology report. The tumor was 100ead!!!! Thank you for your prayers. I told the nurse at the clinic that if anyone there didn't believe in prayer and God before - what better time to start. That means NO RADIATION for Miriam. She will just finish out her eight remaining rounds of chemo and move on.

So - please pray for her to tolerate the remaining eight rounds of chemo as well as she has the last six rounds. Also, begin praying now for the cancer to stay away FOREVER!

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004 7:35 AM CDT

Sorry it's taken me so long to fill in with some details, but we've been pretty tired since coming home from the hospital. Anyway, here goes.

Miriam's surgery on Wednesday went very well. Dr. Nagaraj was able to remove the entire tumor. In doing so, he also removed three entire ribs, a huge amount of chest wall and what he termed an "insignificant" portion of the right lower lobe of her lung. Dr. Nagaraj assured us that he rebuilt her with mesh and wire. After surgery, Miriam was taken to ICU and we were reunited with her at about 5:30. When we went to see her she was out in a bay area with many patients that were just separated by a curtain. She was supposed to have been placed in isolation. I started to say something to the nurse and she said "I know, she's already told us." Evidently, upon awaking, Miriam had said "Miriam Eswine is supposed to be in isolation." Based on her word, the nurse had already telephoned our doctor and they were preparing a room for her. I have no idea where she gets that need for control!

Miriam had two chest tubes, an epidural and she was hooked up to many leads and monitors. At 8:00 she was able to begin drinking and she, Vern and I watched "American Idol" together before Vern left. After all, "American Idol" cannot be stopped by surgery. That night, we got no rest. If she even scratched her nose, one monitor or the other sounded. Someone decided that 5:00 a.m. was the perfect time to take an x-ray of the chest tubes and what fun it would be to ask her to sit up less than 24 hours after surgery. Needless to say, when Dr. Nagaraj came in Thursday morning and told us we could go up to 7West, we shouted for joy.

We were moved to 7West about 3:30 and it was great to be back where we knew everybody and they knew us. The rest of Thursday evening passed rather uneventfully. The one good thing about the chest tubes is that they drained into two boxes filled with water that bubbled all of the time. We lovingly called them our "water feature" and, believe it or not, they were rather soothing - in a hospital, just had surgery, want to go home kind of way.

Friday morning, Dr. Nagaraj came in and said that they were going to remove Chest Tube #1 and the epidural. Miriam was very apprenhensive about the removal. The surgery resident came in about 12:30 to remove the chest tube. The anesthesiologist came with her and removed the epidural. The anesthesiologist had no compassion and we were happy to see his backside hit the door. The surgical resident began to remove the tube and she was removing the wrong one, so after much discussion, she finally realized I was right and she did remove the correct chest tube. Miriam was very uncomfortable after the chest tube was removed. The chest tube leaves a big whole about 1/2" to 3/4" big which they seal closed with vaseline and tape.

Friday evening we had a bit of a pity party for ourselves. We don't allow it very often, but under certain circumstances, it is unavoidable. It was just one of those days when there was no denying the reality of our situation and we couldn't mask anything behind laughter or humor. So, thank God, Saturday morning came quickly.

After the bad evening we had the night before, God captured our attention quickly the next morning when Dr. Nagaraj came in and asked us how we would like to go home today. The resident looked at him like he was crazy, because Miriam still had one chest tube in. Then he said they would remove the chest tube today and we could go home tomorrow. That was great with us. The surgical resident came in and removed the chest tube at about 9:30. When she did that, we were able to unhook Miriam from all of her monitors and leads, so she finally felt free. We played a game of Sorry and later Vern and Darian came over for a visit. Miriam actually got up and took a short walk Saturday, much to the amazement of the nurses.

Sunday morning, true to his word, Dr. Nagaraj told us we could go home. Of course, waiting on paperwork and "stuff", we didn't actually end up back at home until about 3:00. Who cares, it was four days earlier than we thought we would end up back at home.

So, here's the plan. Right now, Miriam is being held together with tape, vaseline, mesh and wire. I get to remove all of the exterior bandages and steri-strips on Wednesday. The pathologist's report is due in sometime Wednesday or Thursday. That's when we will find out if she has to have radiation in addition to the remaining 8 chemos. On Friday, we have a clinic appointment and on Monday we go in for counts and then off to Kosair for her 7th chemo. There truly is no rest for the wicked.

We praise God for His faithfulness every step of the way. He has blessed Miriam with a determination that only grows with each day. He carried us through the surgery, as He has carried us through this whole adventure thus far - and as we are counting on Him to carry us through the future. Your prayers and your good wishes have been an outward sign of God's love to us and have meant more than we could ever say.

Please continue to pray for Miriam to resist infection and for her to be able to handle her future chemos as well as she has her past chemos. Please pray for the pathology report to come back cancer free and that Miriam would require no radiation.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Sunday, April 11, 2004 1:57 PM CDT

Praise God for His goodness and mercy! We are home. Dr. Nagaraj surprised many nurses and residents by suggesting that we come home yesterday. So - he decided today looked good. I just wanted to let you know that we are home and I will update with details tomorrow.

Thanks for all of your prayers. God has blessed us more than I ever imagined and more than we ever could have deserved.

Love to you all.

Friday, April 9, 2004 4:58 PM CDT

Update from Donna (by Tammy)!

Miriam is out of ICU. They are on the 7th floor. Most things are being removed. She still has one chest tube in and is hoping to have it removed tomorrow. They took the epidural out so Miriam is a little sore today but hanging in there. Her fever has not been over 100.8 today and this is good. She is eating well. Praise to our Lord and King for He is good!

Keeping praying for no fever, no infection, body to accept foreign materials, pathology reports of Cancer Free and strength so Miriam will be ready for the next round of chemo.

Thank You!

Wednesday, April 7, 2004 1:49 PM CDT

To All Miriam's Prayer Warriors,

This is from Tammy Castleman per Donna to update you.

The surgery is over. The doctor got all of the tumor out (Praise God)! We have to wait on the pathology report now and that will take approx. one week. They had to take 3 ribs and part of lower right lung.

Thanks for your prayers. Now you can pray that the pathology report will show she is cancer free. Pray that she will remain infection free and her body will not reject foreign materials used to build her chest wall back.

She will remain in ICU for a couple of days.

God is good and God is faithful.

Tuesday, April 6, 2004 9:21 AM CDT

Miriam's surgery is scheduled to begin at 10:30 a.m. tomorrow. There really isn't much else to say, except pray hard and pray often.

I'm going to call someone from the hospital and give them updates for the webpage, so check in every now and then - and I'll let you know when I know.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Saturday, April 3, 2004 9:38 AM CST

I just wanted to let you all know that we are still here hanging out waiting for surgery. We have been trying to stay busy by doing fun things. After Wednesday's busy day, Miriam was very tired so we didn't get to go to church Wednesday night and she slept late Thursday morning. Sometimes we forget that just standing and walking a little is very exhausting. Her mind is a lot stronger than her body sometimes. After resting Thursday, Miriam spent the afternoon taking care of some school work and Thursday night we went to Derby Dinner to see "Smokey Joe's Cafe". It was fantastic and we all loved the music. Friday we spent the morning taking care of work. Friday afternoon, we picked Darian up from school early (quiet, don't tell!!) and Vern up from work and we all went to see "Scooby Doo". It was very cute and reminded me of the 1970's, which I remember all too well.

The biggest event of the season (at least since before Christmas) is that Miriam was able to go to a dance at Floyd Central last night and see a lot of her friends. It was a beach theme and all of the kids looked great! Miriam fit right in to the beach theme with her "chemo tan". She looked like she'd been to Florida, but as she said "we wish". It was the first time that she was able to see a lot of her friends and so she was very happy. I'm so glad that God kept her strong so that she could go and feel like a normal teenage for a night.

I still don't know much about our surgery schedule. I know that her surgery is on Wednesday. It's still scheduled to be about 5 hours long. Dr. Nagaraj said he is removing at least 3 entire ribs, and maybe parts of others. He still feels confident that he can remove all of the tumor. If he can, the importance then lies in the pathologist's report that we won't get for several days after surgery. If the pathologist finds no cancer cells remaining, then Miriam will not have to have radiation. If any cancer cells remain, she will have to have radiation along with her 8 remaining chemo treatments. If all goes well, she should finish her treatments about the first of August. She is hoping to return to school by late September.

Please pray for the tumor not to grow before surgery, for Miriam's body to stay strong and heal fast, and for ALL of the cancer to be removed. We hold fast to Phil. 4:13.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 11:31 AM CST

We had another clinic visit this morning, only this time we actually got to see Miriam's doctor. Her counts were good. Her platelets had gone up quite a bit and her hemoglobin is hanging in there right where it should be. Dr. Soni is very pleased with the size of Miriam's tumor and confirmed what the surgeon had already told us. So, once again, everything is a go for next Wednesday.

After our clinic visit, my arm was twisted, and I was forced to take Miriam to Books-A-Million. Since her ability to concentrate on her long novels that she likes has returned, I emptied out my pocketbook (actually we spent all of her dad's money) and came home cash poor, but book rich!!!!! Then we decided breakfast at Bob Evan's sounded like a winner so off we went. Now it's school work time and I am going to force myself to do laundry. If I don't do laundry soon, you'll recognize my family as being the only Floyd countians who appear to live in a nudist colony. Yuck!!!! (No one is prepared for such a visual!)

Please pray for God's continued hand upon Miriam's body and pray for her to maintain her good health before, during and after surgery. You all continue to bless us in many ways with your prayers and your love.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, March 29, 2004 8:00 AM CST

Hello Everyone:

We have had such a busy time since my last entry last Wednesday. It was spring break here in Floyd County so Darian was off school and home with us. One day we picked up Miriam's best friend, Natalie, and her sister Emily, who is a friend of Darian's and we took off to see the baby gorilla at the zoo. He was a cutie! Then Natalie spent the night and she and Miriam ate themselves into oblivion!!! Miriam has gotten back into her reading so she ended up sitting on the porch swing reading many of her hours away. Her dad bought her a new series of three books (around 700 pages each) and she is on the last one. I praise God that she has been able to concentrate enough to enjoy reading lengthy books again. Friday, we met our friends the Gasaways at Edwardsville Park and played for awhile. We took a long drive over the weekend, after which Miriam fell asleep in the car. I'm not sure if the drive made her sleepy - or the company!!

Anyway, this week we are planning on going to the movies a couple of times. Miriam and I want to see "Jersey Girl". Everybody wants to see "Scooby Doo" so Vern is going to take off early one afternoon and we are going to pick up Darian early from school (let's just keep that between us) and we are going to go see Scooby do (get it, Scooby do) his thing.

We had our counts appointment this morning. Miriam's hemoglobin had risen to 10.8 which is fantastic so she shouldn't need any blood before her surgery. Her platelets had risen also. Her white blood count and her ANC level had dropped, but they were still good. All of her levels were fine and that was WITHOUT medication. I quit giving her the shots last Tuesday and she will maintain her own levels until her next chemo. We were so excited. They actually told us we didn't have to come back until after surgery, but we are going Wednesday morning so that we can see our doctor before her surgery.

I spoke with the surgeon himself last Thursday. He remains confident that he will be able to remove ALL of Miriam's tumor. However, he stressed that there are no guarantees until he actually gets inside to see to what the tumor is attached. He also said he would definitely be removing three entire ribs, probably four. He has assured us that he will be able to reconstruct everything at the time of surgery. Surgery is still set for April 7 followed by a couple of days in ICU isolation (to protect her from infection) and then eventually we'll end up on 7W - our usual place at Kosair.

I'll keep you posted on how our week is going. Thanks again for all of your prayers and good wishes.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 8:52 AM CST

We had our usual clinic visit today. Miriam's counts were very good and she is now off of shots until after her surgery!!!! They tell us that her body will take over until she gets hit with another round of chemo (which won't be until after surgery.) Her surgery has been scheduled for Wednesday, April 7. It will last around five hours and they will remove a couple of ribs and hopefully not much else. Her scan results on Monday were wonderful! Her tumor is now 5.9 centimeters high, 2.5 centimeters wide and 5.4 centimeters deep. That is compared to the originial size of the tumor which was (I'm so happy to say WAS) 13 centimeters high, 8 centimeters wide and 12 centimeters deep. Hard to believe, but that thing occupied pretty much her whole chest cavity - it was a sight to behold!! I keep telling everybody that I truly know my daughter "inside and out"!!

Presently, we are just waiting for surgery. We don't have another counts appointment until Monday, PRAISE GOD! That is the longest time we haven't had to see a doctor since December. We won't know what to do with ourselves. Actually, we've thought of a lot of things. We're planning on hitting the zoo, Target, a couple of movies (after everyone is back in school), and - if she's nice to me - I may treat her with a trip to American Eagle (her store of choice). Darian is on spring break this week, so it will be nice to try to fit in a few things with her. She's getting her special treats too, spending time with her friends and her dance teacher is taking her out this Friday. Of course, she has to go back to school on Monday - but then so does Miriam. She wants to work ahead so she's not so far behind after surgery.

Well, I think I've filled you in on everything. We praise God for bringing us this far, for giving us so many prayer warriors and for being an awesome God. Please pray for the tumor to not grow during this time off of chemo, pray for Miriam to remain healthy and her counts to stay strong, and pray for us to pass this time without anxiety as the surgery approaches.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, March 22, 2004 6:22 PM CST

Just wanted to let you all know that Miriam had all of her tests today. We are waiting on word from the surgeon and from the clinic. Her tentative surgery date got postponed to April 7 because the doctor will be on vacation the week of the 2nd. So, we are hoping that they will go ahead and have her take her 7th round of chemo this weekend. We should hear something late tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday morning so I'll post the information Wednesday afternoon.

Her tumor appeared to be much smaller to me when I viewed it today. But, remember, I'm not really a doctor - I just play one on TV. You do get the joke don't you? One of Miriam's friends called today and I said "We were just talking about you Katie. Are your ears burning?" She said "Huh?" She hadn't even heard of the old "ears burning" thing so instead of feeling 41, I felt about 81. It's kind of like mentioning Dyna Girl or Shazaam and no one has ever even heard of those shows - or telling people that you have a Bobby Sherman or David Soul album. Who, they say???

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Friday, March 19, 2004 1:43 PM CST

We had a counts visit this morning and Miriam's counts have risen quite a bit since we left the hospital. We are able to go out and have some fun now. Tomorrow we are going to the open house at the Bats to pick up our season tickets. It's great because we can go and be outside where we don't have to be in a crowd of people. We're hoping to fit in a trip to the zoo and a few other things over spring break - if the weather holds out.

Miriam continues to feel really well and we are all just looking forward to spending some time together over spring break. Hopefully, Miriam's surgery will not be postponed from the 2d and we won't have to go in for chemo on the 26th. We just take it day by day. As I always tell everybody about the doctors "they're the boss of us!" Okay, God is the boss of us, but here on earth, God is blessing the doctors with a lot of control over us right now.

Thanks to everyone who came out for the prayer service last night. We were so blessed by so many people taking an evening and coming and praying with us. Thanks to all of you who continue to pray daily for Miriam.

I hope you all have a great weekend and enjoy the sunshine. That's certainly what we plan to do!

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Thursday, March 18, 2004 11:44 AM CST

This morning we had our appointment with Miriam's surgeon. He couldn't really tell us too much until after he sees the results of the scans next week. He won't know exactly how many ribs will be removed (he says at least 2, probably 3) and he won't know if the tumor has attached itself to anything major. Her surgery will be, at the least, five hours long. I said "yuck" and Miriam said she didn't care because she would be asleep anyway. I think I might have to ask them to put me to sleep that day also. He has, however, tentatively scheduled surgery for Friday, April 2 - assuming that the scans indicate that she is ready. If she is able to have surgery at this time, she gets a break from chemo until the surgery so that her counts will be high enough to ward off any infection after surgery.

Miriam feels great that she gets a break for a while. We decided that we'd ward off our nervousness about surgery until the Wednesday or Thursday before the surgery. We're hoping to have a couple of days to fit in some fun things between now and then.

Miriam was able to finish the nine weeks and received her straight A report card yesterday. So, since she gets a break from chemo and from school - she will actually be able to have a spring break. Unless of course the scans indicate that she isn't ready for surgery - in which case we'll be back in on the 26th for another round of chemo. We will have our usual doctors appointments, but that's okay. I'll keep you posted on the final decision.

I praise God for bringing us this far. On Christmas Eve, this time seemed so far away and now we are approaching the half-way mark. God has been good in so many ways and we are blessed by each miracle along the way.

Don't forget that we are having a prayer get-together for Miriam tonight at 6:30 at Northside Christian Church on Charlestown Road. You will need to enter through "Entrance 1" and we are going to be in the fireside room. Thanks to each of you for your prayers on a daily basis. We couldn't do this without you.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004 5:41 PM CST

Praise God for His goodness and mercy. We are home! Miriam has now finished her sixth chemo and she continues to do well. Her counts are very low right now. Her ANC is only 661 and she has to be at least 1000 before she is allowed to be around anyone. I will begin her shots tomorrow and, by Saturday or Sunday, her counts should be better. She feels good, however, and that is the main thing. When we got to the hospital Friday, one of our favorite nurses had asked to have us and she had a new Orlando Bloom poster on Miriam's bed waiting for her. Any of you who haven't been to the hospital to see us might not know, but I hang an entire wall (and I do mean entire wall) of Orlando Bloom posters and pictures every time we enter the hospital. I try to make Miriam's room as comfortable and as homelike as possible, from posters, books, pillows, cd player, dvd player, blankets and her two favorite stuffed animals. I actually use a small flatbed truck that Vern bought for me to hall our stuff in and out. You would think we were going on vacation - but, alas, we're not! The same nurse, Elaine, came by to show us her bald head (which she shaved for St. Baldricks - to raise money for children's cancer) on Monday and brought Miriam another Orlando Bloom poster. I must admit that the he is growing on me, but I still prefer the mature bloom of Sean Connery, Harrison Ford or Vern Eswine (my personal fav!)

We have an appointment with our surgeon, Dr. Nagaraj on Thursday morning and a counts visit on Friday. All of her scans are still scheduled for Monday and we are hoping that we will know by Tuesday if they are going to perform surgery now or wait for more chemos to pass.

Remember, we are having a prayer service for Miriam on Thursday, March 18, at 6:30 at Northside Christian Church. If you are planning on attending, you need to enter through entrance No. 1 (there are big numbers above the entrances on the glass). Please continue to lift Miriam up on a daily basis. Please pray for her hands to continue to heal (they look great compared to a few days ago) and pray for the tumor to continue shrinking to a size that demands that the doctors give God the glory for the miracle performed.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 1:52 PM CST

We had another clinic visit today. Miriam's counts were very good and her hemoglobin was still high enough that she didn't need blood. Our doctor is in the process of arranging for us to meet with our surgeon before the scans so that, if he feels he can operate, the surgery can be scheduled as soon as possible after the 22nd. All of her scans are still scheduled for March 22 at Kosair.

We ended up going to see "Hidalgo" today and I highly recommend it.

I want to let you all know that WE ARE HAVING A PRAYER GET-TOGETHER NEXT THURSDAY, MARCH 18, AT 6:30 IN THE FIRESIDE ROOM AT OUR CHURCH, NORTHSIDE CHRISTIAN CHURCH ON CHARLESTOWN ROAD. We are going to be praying for Miriam's tumor, her surgery and her general healing from her cancer. We are welcoming anyone that would like to attend and pray for Miriam.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, March 8, 2004 9:41 AM CST

Our clinic visit went well today. Miriam's counts were good. Her hemoglobin had risen from 8.0 to 8.1 so we didn't have to hang around and receive blood. We hurried home so that she could finish some homework and prepare for a couple of tests because we decided we had better head to the movies today, just in case something came up later in the week. That is one gift we have been given - the gift of appreciating the ability to live totally in the moment because we truly have no expectations beyond today.

Miriam's hands are very swollen and sore, so please pray for them to continue to heal. They are better than they were this weekend, but still not great.

I'll let you know how things go on Wednesday. Please keep the prayers coming.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Friday, March 5, 2004 7:56 PM CST

We had another good clinic counts appointment today. Miriam's counts were very good. After her GFR at Kosair, we were able to go to the library. Okay, to you that sounds boring - but to us it is close to heaven. We hung out there for a while and then fit in 20 minutes at Target (another guilty pleasure)! Natalie is here spending the night, which is something we always try to fit in if high counts fall on a weekend. So, all in all, it has been a very good day - hopefully kicking off a very good weekend.

We have another counts appointment on Monday because they are monitoring her hemoglobin. She'll probably need a transfusion, but they use her catheter lines and we sit and watch movies - so - for what it is - it isn't so bad. I'm trying to feed her all of the iron I can think of, but a person can only eat so much red meat and broccoli in any given weekend!

I hope everyone reading this has a great weekend and please keep the prayers coming. I will never get tired of thanking you all for helping make Miriam's experience with cancer better than we had expected. God has been so faithful to us each and every day and I am humbled by all of you who continue to hang in there with us.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004 11:42 AM CST

Praise God for another good clinic visit today. Miriam's lines worked and that is always a plus. She has also gained enough weight that she is back where she started. So, I guess that "eat till you drop" drug is truly a blessing. I was a little unsure in the beginning, but gaining a few pounds has given her some color back in her face and it has boosted her energy. I'm still waiting for the day when my doctor decides I need that drug!! (Okay, so we know that's never going to happen - but a girl can dream!)

We have a counts visit on Friday (followed by her GFR at Kosair) and another doctor's visit next Wednesday with chemo to follow on Friday (March 12). Anybody noticing a pattern here? Her bone scan and chest MRI have been moved to after the sixth chemo. They are scheduled for March 22. If the surgeon decides that the tumor has shrunk enough for removal, surgery will be scheduled. If not, they will do scans after every chemo until he decides it is the best time for removal. Our doctor is extremely pleased with the way that Miriam's tumor is responding to chemo and with the way that Miriam has physically been able to handle chemo. I think he things she is a lucky girl, but we know that there is no luck involved. God has blessed us in so many ways through Miriam's treatment and we are so thankful for all of the goodness He continues to lay at her feet.

Please continue to keep her in your prayers and I hope God blesses each of you today as you continue to bless us with your prayers, gifts, cards, food and love.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Sunday, February 29, 2004 11:58 AM CST

We are home - Praise God. Miriam's chemo finished at 11:45 and by 12:45 we were pulling into our driveway ready to take a walk in the sunshine.

Miriam's scans are being moved from this Friday to the week of the 22nd. We have a clinic appointment this Wednesday and the rest of our week will probably be spent on schoolwork. We are going to try to fit in a movie (or two) before her next chemo on the 12th.

Please continue to pray for Miriam as we continue on our journey. She is doing so well and we are so thankful for every good day that passes. We are very blessed by God to have so many people of faith travelling on our journey with us.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 2:31 PM CST

Praise be to God as He continues to allow us to see His blessings on a daily basis. Miriam's counts were high enough today that they are letting us take her to church tonight!! She is so excited - especially since she has had a long day. We started out at the clinic at 8:45 for a doctor's exam, went to Kosair for her GFR at 11:00 and then went back for an echo at 1:00. We ended up leaving Louisville at 2:30. It was a very good and productive day. We have a counts appointment scheduled for Friday at 8:00 a.m. and then we'll go straight to Kosair for a two-day (her 5th round of chemo). Her catheter lines gave us no trouble today, so please continue to keep them in your prayers.

As we are quickly approaching surgery (no specific date has been set, but we know it will be between her 6th and 7th chemo), we really need everyone to lift up prayers for the tumor to shrink as small as possible. Please offer up a special prayer whenever you think of us.

Thanks to each of you who check Miriam's webpage and keep her in your thoughts and prayers. We couldn't do this without our Mighty Saviour and His many prayer warriors!

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, February 23, 2004 11:11 AM CST

Well, Miriam seems to be continuing along her pattern of not doing anything the "normal" way. Her catheter lines gave us trouble this morning - once again! We ended up sitting at the clinic for over two hours as we waited for medicine to clear the lines. Finally they were able to draw blood. Her counts were right about where they should be for only having been off of chemo for six days. We go back to the clinic on Wednesday for her pre-chemo physical, then to Kosair for her GFR and then back to the Children's Foundation Building for an echo. If everything goes as scheduled, we will go to the clinic Friday morning for counts and then walk over to Kosair to begin a two-day chemo treatment (her 5th out of 14).

We were able to go to the movies Friday after our clinic appointment. We went to see "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen". Miriam loved the movie and I confess, it brought back memories of some old movies from my childhood. It was silly and pointless, which I think is the reason Miriam and I were able to learn so much from it!! Sunday we went to see Darian play ball with her mini-league team. They lost, but who cares - it was so much fun seeing her play. She was very happy to have her Sissy there.

Please continue to pray for Miriam's catheter lines to function properly. It seems that this is going to be an ongoing battle for us. While easily fixed, it is time consuming every time we have to sit at the clinic for an extra couple of hours. Although today we did view "The Rookie" and run into our good friends, the Castlemans. Now if we could just get them to serve popcorn and turn the lights off!!!

God is good and God is faithful.
Love to you all.

Friday, February 20, 2004 8:36 AM CST

God is continuing to bless us as we go on this journey. Miriam's counts were very good at the clinic today. One of her lines gave the nurse some difficulty, but amazingly enough, when she scratched with her right hand - her line worked. Sometimes, it is a simple matter of making everything shift inside to get the blood to flow! We are planning to go to the movies today while we know her counts are good. They are leaving her on her shots over the weekend, which means her counts will only get higher until Monday - so we are planning on going to Darian's basketball game on Sunday. She plays the last game so the crowd will be very small. We are so excited to get to be able to see her play! Another blessing from God.

We have a clinic appointment early Monday for counts and then we have a regular visit Wednesday morning, followed by her GFR at Kosair. If all goes well, we will be back in next Friday, the 27th, for a two-day.

Please pray specifically for her lines to work and for her ability to keep all of her medicines down. We are closing in on her surgery and ask for prayers to alleviate Miriam's anxiety of the unknown.

Thank you all for binding with us in prayer for Miriam. I could tell you many, many instances where we know that prayer, and prayer alone, has made a difference. She continues to do so well - and we know it's a "God thing."

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004 2:22 PM CST

We are home. We actually got to come home late yesterday afternoon, but we were a bit tired last night. Miriam is doing well, although we had a problem with one of her lines today and ended up having to go the clinic to get their help.

We have four chemos down and ten to go (and surgery and radiation - but who's counting, anyway!!) We are glad to be home and are hoping to stay home until the 20th when we go back for a two-day.

We have a clinic appointment on Friday for counts and hope that they have risen. Right now her counts are too low for company and we like them to be higher.

Vern and I are venturing out tomorrow night for our first evening alone since way before Christmas (probably October or early November). You take that time for granted until it's virtually gone.

Please keep us in your prayers. Pray for Miriam to continue to tolerate chemo well and pray for her appetite to increase. Also, always pray for her tumor to shrink as small as possible before her surgery.

God is good and God is faithful.

We love you all.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 11:12 AM CST

Life has been interesting the last day or two. Darian came down with strep throat yesterday. She was given a shot and feels pretty good today. Miriam was given a preventative antiobiotic, had some kind of reaction to it and spent the early morning hours this morning very sick. By the time we got to the hospital for her GFR and the clinic, she felt fine but she is exhausted. Our clinic visit was great. Her counts are very high and she is continuing to maintain her weight naturally. We have another clinic visit Friday at 8:00 just to check her out before we head over to Kosair for chemo. She will begin her five-day round of chemo on Friday so we won't be home again until next Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning.

Please continue to pray for Miriam to tolerate the chemo well and feel as strong as she does. She is doing very well in school (well, not actually "in") and we are so blessed by how well she is feeling on an ongoing basis. God has been so good to us in so many ways that I am humbled by His goodness.

Please keep us in your prayers and I'll let you all know how Miriam is doing this round when I come home overnight on Saturday to be with Darian.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Monday, February 9, 2004 2:40 PM CST

We had another clinic visit this morning. Miriam's counts were higher, but not great - but WE GOT TO GO TO THE MOVIES! We sent to see "Cheaper by the Dozen" and had the theater to ourselves. We were so excited to be able to go out in public - kind of! We also got the pleasure of visiting with our friends, the Castlemans, at the clinic this morning - while Joshua was waiting for his turn.

We have her GFR test on Wednesday morning at Kosair at 8:30 followed by a clinic visit at 9:30. We're scheduled to begin another five-day on Friday.

I'll keep you posted on our visit Wednesday, but Miriam is doing great! Her throat did not get sore this time so PRAISE THE LORD.

Keep the prayers coming. God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Friday, February 6, 2004 2:49 PM CST

We had another clinic visit this morning. Miriam's counts were pretty low, but that is part of the cycle and it was expected. She still feels great regardless of what the counts are saying. We have to go back to the clinic on Monday and are praying for her counts to be high enough that we can go see a movie while everyone else is in school and the crowds are really low.

Since we couldn't do anything out of the house today, we decided to "thrill dad to death" and rearrange the furniture in our family room. I like to mix things up a bit so that, in the dark, he is never quite sure where I put the coffee table! We all get our thrills from little things!!!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. You are all making such a difference in Miriam's life.

God is good and God is faithful.

Love to you all.

Wednesday, February 4, 2004 1:21 PM CST

We had a clinic visit this morning and things went extremely well. Miriam's counts were so good that she gets to skip her shot the next two days! She is extremely thankful for this, and I'm not going to miss "poking" for a day or two. Also, today was the first day that they have heard "normal breath sounds" in her right lung. PRAISE THE LORD. She is busy doing homework and then she intends to sew some outfits for her bears. Darian is off school today and has a project or two of her own to do.

We have another clinic visit on Friday for counts and we are scheduled to see her doctor next Wednesday, with the intention of beginning a five-day round on Friday the 13th. Hey, I just realized it will be "Friday - the 13th". Oh well, who can believe in bad luck with a mighty God in control!!

Thanks for all of your messages on the webpage and for all of your prayers. We decided today that the time was going very quickly. The nurse actually talked about going ahead and scheduling her pre-surgery scans for the first week of March. I can't believe it, but it will be here before we know it.

Keep the prayers coming and I'll keep you posted.

Love to you all.

Sunday, February 1, 2004 3:52 PM CST

Praise God we are home!!!! Miriam is feeling great and we are so thankful to be able to come home today. We have a clinic visit on Wednesday to check her counts.

Please pray for Miriam not to have a sore throat, like she did after the last two-day chemo treatment. That was the only downside to her first chemo. Please also pray against infection of any kind so that we can sleep in our own beds until February 13 - her next scheduled chemo (a five day).

Thanks for all of your support and prayers. They have helped, and are continuing to help, Miriam handle the chemo as well as she is.

Love to you all.

Saturday, January 31, 2004 7:02 PM CST

If all goes well, we will be coming home tomorrow afternoon. Miriam is doing great! She has not been sick at all, is sleeping very well, and she has gained enough weight that she only weights .6 kilograms less than she did on January 1 - the day she started chemo. Please keep her in your prayers this week, as last time (on the two day chemo) she developed a very sore throat about five days after chemo. She didn't have any mouth sores, but her throat kept her from eating for a few days (which we don't need)!

We continue to praise God for His faithfulness and are so thankful to have so many people joining us in prayer for Miriam. She is a very blessed little girl! We continue to play games quite a bit in the hospital, and she continues to massacre me at every opportunity. We love to play card games - so if you know of a new one out there - please let me know. Maybe I could actually stand a chance of beating her for once!!

Keep up the prayers!

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 1:04 PM CST

We had a clinic visit this past Monday, January 26, and we had another one this morning at 9:45. Miriam's counts were good and she had gained weight since last Friday. Our doctor was very pleased with the results of the scans and CTs that she had Friday and Monday. He said the tumor is responding well to the chemo so far. We are scheduled to be at the clinic at 8:00 a.m. this Friday for counts and then we will go directly to Kosair for another chemo. It is one of the short ones, so there is a possibility that we will be home as early as Sunday evening.

Miriam is continuing to feel really good. Yesterday we refined some cooking skills for Job & Home, and then ate the product of our labor. She has been working hard on her homework and is almost caught up with the rest of her class - even though she didn't work the first few weeks of the semester. Her teachers have been wonderful in working with her homework load and her homebound teacher (and her math teacher), is absolutely fantastic.

She also played the flute for the first time since Christmas. It was a beautiful sound to hear. She has also decided that, in her free time, she is going to teach herself the guitar. Yesterday she taught herself "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." I have no idea where she gets that overachieving gene!!!

Thanks again for all of your prayers. Please keep them coming. God continues to bless us in ways that are too numerous to mention. We love you all and can feel your love and prayers coming our way.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004 12:33 AM CST

Praise God from whom all blessings flow! They are flowing today in abundance - we were able to come home. Miriam is feeling pretty good today. Good enough to clobber me in a couple of games of Uno and a game of Sorry. Either the chemo has enhanced her game-playing skills, or I just didn't realize how bad I was. I prefer to think it's the chemo. We have a clinic visit on Friday to check her counts and scans and tests on Monday to see how the tumor is doing. Please keep us in your prayers. I apologize that this entry is brief - but it is so good to be home that we just want to enjoy it for awhile.

Love to you all. God bless you.

Saturday, January 17, 2004 10:58 AM CST

Hello to Everyone!

We have been in the hospital since Monday. Miriam had surgery yesterday to have her permanent catheter placed. One of the two lines is giving us some difficulties, but the doctors are working on it. She began her first five-day last night at 1:30 a.m. We will be in the hospital until at least next Thursday. She is feeling very good, as she has most days. We are having many more joyous moments than we are having sad ones. I want you to know that we value each of you contacting us and showing your support. Miriam has proven how strong she is and I continue to stand amazed at her character and her strength. She has lost most of her hair, but she has found a few "favorite" hats that she likes. I offered to shave my head and paint on a smiley face, but she seems to think that I am weird enough without the visual!

Please keep us in your prayers as we continue on our journey and know that we live believing that God is in control and has plans for Miriam's life for many years to come.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 2:28 PM CST

Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans. On Monday we went to the clinic to have Miriam's counts done and we wound up in the hospital. Today, they took out her temporary lines due to an infection. She is on IV antiabiotics and is scheduled to have her permanent lines put in Friday morning with round # 2 of chemo beginning after. If all goes well, we might get to come home next Wednesday.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We read every message, although there is no way right now that we can respond to them all.

We love you all!

Thursday, January 8, 2004 3:46 PM CST

We can't thank you all enough for sending so many warm wishes our way. Miriam continues to do well. We started her shots today to help increase her white blood count. I guess this takes my mommy nursing far beyond the usual dose of tylenol and nose wiping. She hates her shot, but at least she only hates me for a little while when the syringe is in my hand. Please continue to pray for her good health as she prepares to undergo her second round of chemo next Thursday.

Thanks again for everything - keep sending the prayers!

Wednesday, January 7, 2004 12:35 AM CST

We had our first clinic visit today and things went very well. Miriam's counts continue to remain high. We know that will not always be true, but we are thankful for every day that they are. She feels very well, and has had no real side effects from her first round of chemo. If things continue to go well, we will be back in the hospital next Thursday for her first five-day round. Please keep the prayers coming - THEY ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

We love you all!

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 8:16 AM CST

It's me thank you for your messages. I'm at home for about a week. I've had my hair in the same braid since last week. On the day we left the police came to visit everybody on the floor so I got a free stereo and a bunch of hairties. What am I going to do with a bunch of hairties? Bye for now

Monday, January 5, 2004 6:16 PM CST

Praise the Lord - we are home! We are scheduled for our first clinic visit on Wednesday. If we can keep her well, we will be home until her next round of chemo, which is scheduled to begin next Thursday, January 15. It will be a five day round, so pray for her endurance. Thanks for all of your prayers - and please keep them coming.

Saturday, January 3, 2004 6:11 PM CST

Miriam finished her first round of chemo this afternoon. Right now, her only ill effect, is that her jaw seems to hurt frequently. The doctor has told us, that if she continues to do this well, he might even let us come home Monday afternoon or early evening.

Please continue to pray for our family. When she comes home, I take over and I have to admit that I am nervous about doing the wrong thing. I have a feeling that ten months from now, I will be able to "hang a shingle" and practice medicine myself.

Love to you all.

Saturday, January 3, 2004 10:17 AM CST

Miriam had a great night last night. For the first time since entering the hospital, she did not run a fever and they did not have to draw blood at 4:00 in the morning. Her jaw is hurting a little bit from one of the chemo drugs, but she is doing very well - all things considered. Keep the prayers coming. We're still hoping to come home Tuesday and stay home until the next scheduled chemo, January 15.

Friday, January 2, 2004 8:38 PM CST

Miriam has been diagnosed with a PNET of the chest wall. She began chemo yesterday and, so far, is doing well. She will have chemo every other week for twelve weeks to shrink the tumor. At the end of twelve weeks, they will perform surgery to remove the tumor and any surrounding areas that need removed. This will most likely involve some ribs, chest wall and muscles. After the surgery, she will continue chemo for at least sixteen more weeks, coupled with radiation on the right side of her chest and her right hip, where there were unable to rule out cancer. She will be in the hospital every other week for chemo for fourteen treatments. Her odd treatments will be three days long and her even treatments will be five days long.

She has been amazing and I continue to thank God for her on a daily basis. She is withstanding each bit of information, althought I know the wheels are spinning in her head.

Please continue to pray for the tumor to shrink drastically by week twelve and pray for her to tolerate chemo without infections. Also, please pray for our family as we define a new way of life for the future. We continue praise God for his faithfulness and thank Him for such good friends and family. We love you all.

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