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Randomly thought of Zach last evening, and then realized what the date is today. Thinking of you all, and Zach most of all. Even though I never met him, I miss him through your stories. May his spirit forever live on.
Jackie
CT - Wednesday, January 15, 2014 9:36 AM CST

To the family of Zach Sobiech. I have fallen in love with your son Zach. His spirit will forever touch people in remarkable ways. His time in this space was short, but very intentionally powerful for the positive reaction of millions of people. His spirit represented joy, happiness, how precious life is, how important family is, his fight for life and the acceptance he had for his destiny. He put smiles on peoples faces that had given up their hopes and dreams and switched their downward spiral to positive thinking and efforts to better themselves. I think of Zach every single day and wake up with "Clouds" playing in my head. I pray for your family and light a St. Jude candle every day. I know what you are going through and how you feel. I lost my son Shawn in 1989, at 14 yrs of age in an accident. It feels like it just happened every day. However, I know that we are not separated for long. When it is my time to go to the other side I will be reunited with many departed loved ones. I shall cling and hold onto my son for the rest of eternity. I send you hope for peace of heart and the knowledge that you will be together again. I am mostly certain that you receive signs from Zach. He is around you and protects and loves you. Blessed Be.
Cynthia VanVleet <cindy.vanvleet@sbcglobal.net>
Jackson, MI USA - Saturday, January 11, 2014 3:08 PM CST

Remembering your Zachary today..... Praying for you guys.... Happy Thanksgiving.
DIANNA
LA - Thursday, November 28, 2013 10:37 PM CST

Hey Scott give a update :) hope all is well
Becky Diefendorf <bdief@aol.com>
port st lucie, fla usa - Sunday, November 24, 2013 11:00 AM CST

Just wondering how the move went and if I can still purchase your book. Wishing you and Rebecca only the best!

Terri Grant <route66hello@aol.com>
Half Moon Bay, CA - Tuesday, October 15, 2013 9:28 PM CDT

We are praying for you: CATHY LABS
Margaret A. Norman..cousin of Shirley Christianson <mrnormanaz@yahoo.com>
Sebeka, MN USA - Monday, September 23, 2013 9:04 PM CDT

Best of luck in Texas!
Sincerely,
Ms Polly ^jj^
Prayer Warrior
USA - Thursday, March 28, 2013 3:30 PM CDT

Hope you enjoy Texas! I love visiting Texas. My favorite location is San Antonio!! Hope all is well :)
Michelle Zammat
Belcamp, MD USA - Tuesday, February 19, 2013 6:55 AM CST

Hi Scott, I hope the new start is going well although I know where ever you are you will miss Zachary.

I never know what to believe on your updates from about the 1st of Jan onwards, its April 1st only 4 months away!
vikki <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Wednesday, February 6, 2013 12:18 AM CST

Best Wishes to ya'll!
Texas is wonderful - of course as a life long Texas I might be a tiny bit biased!

Gods' blessing for each of you!
Rene Woods <rwoods@hpdps.org>
Dallas, TX - Thursday, January 24, 2013 7:46 AM CST

All the best to you both in your new Chapter in your lives. Texas is a lucky state right now.
I continue to keep your family in my Daily Prayers.
How's Brandon?
Jackie
WPB, FL - Wednesday, January 23, 2013 12:16 AM CST

Wishing you all the best in Texas. I continue to send prayers to your family.
How is Brandon?
Jackie
WPB, FL - Tuesday, January 22, 2013 11:47 AM CST

Best of luck with this new chapter in your lives; Texas is lucky to have you! Hope for an occasional update when time allows!
Pat <pmanning25@yahoo.com>
Antioch, CA USA - Sunday, January 13, 2013 6:32 PM CST

Hey there, Flin... Finestones.

Gosh, how long has it been since I last came here! Oh wow! You've even written a book while I was out! Geoffrey Chaucer, Feodor Dostoyevsky, and now Scott Finestone. Since American books are not sold here in Russia (since about Tekkerey), would you mind terribly if I violate the copyrights and download it from some copyrights violating website?

You guys are doing a great deal of good for Brandyn. And I guess he's doing a great deal of good for you. No, making mess of his room is NOT one of those good things. And it's actually VERY irritating! Buy a gun! Just ONE bullet in the wall RIGHT next to his haircut - and the room will be SPOTLESS!

Stay cool, folks!
Leo
Irkutsk, Russia - Saturday, December 1, 2012 7:23 AM CST

Tell us how the graduating was :)
Becky Diefendorf <bdief@aol.com>
port st lucie , fla usa - Wednesday, September 5, 2012 11:10 AM CDT

Scott i do come look at your page.I have to tell you this I need a update
Your Friend Becky
BTW Is there going to be a book 2
Becky Diefendorf <bdief@aol.com>
port st lucie , fla usa - Sunday, August 26, 2012 3:59 PM CDT

After spending time with a young man who died of cancer 24 hours after I visited him, I have this horrible urge to find out how those who are left behind deal with it.Not only for his family's sake, but also for all the others who I know who have lot family members due to this horrible disease. Thank you for helping me get it-THE PAIN NEVER ENDS! There is no 'getting over it,' no "moving on" It's all about trying to wait for the grief to ebb and flow. I once visited a friend who had a picture of a girl on her wall. (I was probably 11) I asked her who the girl was and she said it was a picture of her sister who had died. I remember a fleeting thought "Do your parents miss her?" and then because she was so blase about it, I left it there. Now I know..she's in their thoughts and ever will be. She can never be forgotten. Sorry for the mini-essay. I hope Rebecca isn't dealing with too many flare-ups...
Thandi <thandiwen@gmail.com>
Cape Town, WP South Africa - Friday, August 24, 2012 8:52 AM CDT

It was great to meet both of you and am sorry that I was never able to know Zachary. My dear friend, Suzanne Slate, whose son Benjamin Slate was also battling cancer at the same time as Zach, had wonderful stories to tell of both boys spending time together!
Liz Elliott <Liz@PremierRealtyGroup.com>
Jensen Beach, FL USA - Sunday, August 5, 2012 12:39 AM CDT

I just found your book and began reading. I am also a parent of a child who died from neuroblastoma. It feels so good to be able to laugh with you. To some, that may seem very "irreverent." Cancer is not a joke, but looking back at the way we, as parents, dealt with it can be very humorous. I am glad you have kept up Zachary's page. May you also have the hope that our children's deaths are not the end of their stories. God Bless you!
Christine Stanton <prayerbedes@gmail.com>
MN USA - Tuesday, July 24, 2012 1:38 PM CDT

Yes you sure got me with the Great Dane news and I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. Especially since I have followed your family's story for the duration. Never even crossed my mind that this was a joke. You are so bad.....
I think that is amazing that Zachary's High School is doing this for your family. God Bless them all.
Another reminder that Zachary touched so many lives in his short time with you.
Take care.
Jackie
WPB, FL - Monday, May 14, 2012 12:24 AM CDT

The scholarship news is terrific! Zachary must have made such an impact on his fellow students for the school to acknowledge him this way. You must be very proud!

I was totally taken in by the Great Dane story lol.

Keeping you all in my prayers.
Mary <miniteasets@mail2world.com>
Worth, IL USA - Thursday, May 3, 2012 8:34 AM CDT

Scott you got a new book # 2
becky diefendorf <BDIEF@AOL.COM>
Port St. Lucie, fla us - Monday, April 30, 2012 8:28 PM CDT

I still think of you guys!! I didn't know about Brandyn! That's wonderful news to hear. :)

--Nikki from the NB Blogathon fundraiser
Nikki
Columbus, OH usa - Wednesday, April 11, 2012 11:52 AM CDT

So glad to see an update! I think about your family quite often.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Monday, April 2, 2012 3:01 PM CDT

You'll love your new Great Dane. They are wonderful dog's and so loyal.
Glad to hear all is well with Brandyn. Sorry to hear Rebecca is having flare up's.
Scott, you sound (in your writings)so good! I am always comparing myself to you since we lost our loved one's 1 month apart.
I too seem to be getting better. At least now I can laugh and not just smile.
Keep on keeping on.
Much Blessings,
Jackie
WPB, FL - Thursday, March 29, 2012 4:19 PM CDT

Oh how I have missed your writings. The part about the giant turds was great!!! Your life with a cat and a dog will never be the same....
Robin
Louisville, KY - Monday, March 26, 2012 5:55 AM CDT

I've followed your family through this journey for a long time so I was glad when I checked in and you said your book was available. I went straight to my kindle and bought it. Great job!
katy myers <themyers@directv.net>
kitts hill, oh usa - Thursday, February 2, 2012 9:41 PM CST

My book arrived in the mail yesterday. It's hard knowing how it ends. What you've written will likely be immeasurably helpful to someone going through anything similar. I think of Zach and your family all the time..Wishing you peace.
Jacqueline
Southwestern, CT - Wednesday, January 18, 2012 10:09 AM CST

Scott, based on the 14K readers Amanda has on fan fiction... Change all the insurance claims idiots to vampires, the doctors and nurses to zombies and the cancer to a werewolf and your readership will go through the roof. Glad the book will be more easily available to those that can use the wisdom, humor and guidance it provides.
Cousin David
Roswell, GA USA - Tuesday, January 17, 2012 7:34 AM CST

Thinking of you on Zach's angelversary. Praying you can always feel his presence.
Jennifer (Kids Cancer Crusade)
- Sunday, January 15, 2012 11:16 PM CST

Thinking of Zack and each of you today.
Love,
Polly ^j^
Ms. Polly @ Angel Wings Remembers
- Sunday, January 15, 2012 12:46 AM CST

Scott, I just loved your Christmas letter. Thanks. And, I bought the book. After reading your blog for 4 years, why did it take until now for me to know you wrote one?
Nancy <nancygoodman@kidsvcancer.org>
- Sunday, January 8, 2012 9:48 PM CST

Happy New Year! I will be purchasing the book! I hope 2012 is a blessed year for your family.
Deb H
Dent, mn usa - Sunday, January 1, 2012 8:17 AM CST

Merry Christmas! Hope your day is blessed.
Deb
Dent, MN USA - Sunday, December 25, 2011 7:37 AM CST

This poem touched my heart as I hope it will yours. Please know that I am thinking about you and keeping you close in prayer always.
MJ/marijeighn2010@gmail.com
A letter from Heaven

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through.
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."

"It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on.

I need you here so badly, you are part of my plan.
There is so much that we can do, to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you.... in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years.
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too;
That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who is in sorrow and pain;
Then you can say to God at night...."My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented... that my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile."

So if you meet somebody who is sad and low;
Just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free.
Remember you're not going.... you're coming here with me.

Author Unknown
MJ <marijeighn2010@gmail.com>
- Sunday, December 18, 2011 10:45 AM CST

Hey! You guys are like the family from the "Blind Side" only Brandyn will probably not be recruited by the NFL.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and a new year filled with joy and peace and pleasant dreams and sleep...ok I will stop now but I really do wish that for you.

I think of Zachary often...I hope you find comfort that he is not forgotten. I also wanted to share that you inspired me to write my very own blog. I had reached a VERY low moment and I felt like if I didn't get it out I was going to explode. I realized that no matter how bad my son's life was...he was alive. I have been reading your caringbridge site since late 2006. I thought how brave it was to share your journey with us but I think at some point I also realized there was a sense of comfort and community out there and I set out to find that. Guess what? I actually found a caring group of people suffering a similar journey through writing a blog! Who new?

madyson007.wordpress
Mady
- Friday, December 9, 2011 8:39 PM CST

Acting Dungeon Master. Ben will be so impressed. :o)
Glad things are going well... Keep in touch and we look forward to seeing you in January...
Cousin David
Roswell, GA USA - Friday, December 9, 2011 8:09 PM CST

Great update, Scott. I know Zach is watching and laughing at your adventures. Merry Christmas to you all.
Sherri Ross
Concord, NC - Friday, December 9, 2011 7:53 PM CST

So so happy for an update. Way to go Scott and Rebecca on rescuing Brandyn. He sounds like a nice young man. There is a place in heaven for both of you, believe me.
My wish for you all as we enter a new year is Health, Peace and the District Manager's job.....
God Bless.
Jackie
WPB, FL - Tuesday, December 6, 2011 7:43 PM CST

So happy to hear of the good news with Brandyn. He couldn't have better parents then the two of you! I wish you all the happiest of New Year's. I hope Rebecca's health issues improve. I think of Zachary often. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers.
Mary <miniteasets@mail2world.com>
Worth, IL USA - Tuesday, December 6, 2011 2:30 PM CST

Zach is still in my thoughts everyday, along with you and Rebecca. While things will never be easy for you two, I hope life takes a turn for the better and happiness comes a little easier.
Stephanie Duncan
- Sunday, November 27, 2011 12:50 AM CST

I so understand... daily I ask the same questions...so dificult to put the sadness of GRIEF into words...
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@gmail.com>
Winona, MN USA - Thursday, November 24, 2011 8:39 PM CST

"Come said the wind to the leaves one day,
Come o're the meadows and we will play.
Put on your dresses scarlet and gold,
For summer is gone and the days grow cold."
-- A Children's Song of the 1880's

It was an honor to be one of Warriorr Zach's Angel Wings Prayer Warriors. He has a very special place in my heart.
We're not closing our website. We are just going inactive for a while due to a shortage of members.

I'll stop by as often as I can throughout the upcoming days.
I will be sending positive vibes out just the same for you every day. <3

Scott....I'm worried and concerned about you two. Please post an update or email at the addy below.

Angel Blessings and Love....Polly
Angel Wings Prayer Warriors
Angel Wings Remembers
Ms. Polly @ Angel Wings Groups <mspolly@ymail.com>
North Dakota and Utah, USA - Friday, September 30, 2011 10:30 PM CDT

I invite you to attend our Bridge To Healing meeting on Saturday, Sept 17th, 12-3pm in Jupiter. We practice Masgutova Method and you would be a perfect candididate to come learn about retained reflexes and how the body reacts to trauma. Your body, brain and central nervous system needs re-educating to integrate the reflexes that came back to help you survive and now they don't know to go away again. They are stuck basically and the problems you are describing can certainly occur because of it. Feel free to e-mail me. I am not a crazy (well maybe I am...I work with autism and sensory processing disorders in children)I know if I can help these kids with Masgutova, you can do it for sure! It's absolutely amazing to heal with such simple exercises. It's for anyone who has experienced trauma.
Shari Shine <playparent@aol.com>
Davie, FL - Thursday, September 15, 2011 8:46 PM CDT

My goodness Scott, you've got a living h-e-double hockey sticks going on, don't you? I understand how debilitating, frustrating and just plain horrid the whole boat load of garbage this night terror business is for you to constantly experience. My heart goes out to you and Rebecca.

I have no magic bullet let alone any answers for you.

I've recently read the loss of a loved one can trigger a form of PTSD akin to the type our military folks suffer from. Have you explored this as a possibility for the night terrors?

Also, a sleep study run? I know they are recommended for adults and children suffering from nightly, recurring night terrors. Besides the obvious, the answer may also be hidden in a physical issue you're not aware of. I know, I know. Probably the last thing you would want to do is be in a clinic-type environment, reposing on a lousy twin bed, wired for sound over night with cameras rolling and monitors traking your sleep pattern, if you can sleep on cue.

Just a couple of ideas to toss in the pile of a million suggestions and maybe already posed by one of your loyal followers and friends.

In the meantime I'm covering you and Rebecca daily with good, positive thoughts to help salve your hearts and minds.

Sincerely,
Ms. Polly @ Angel Wings Remembers
Angel Wings Prayer Warriors
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/angel_wings
Heart of North America, USA - Saturday, July 30, 2011 1:42 PM CDT

That really sucks, Scott! 2.5 years later and still no better and no easier? Sh*t man, that must REALLY suck.

Therapists never help - they have a standard set of templates to answer standard questions - why me? Why my son/daughter? Why not the stupid old hag across the street whose time is long overdure? (even though it IS a good question) (and for all legal purposes I don't mean any actual hag that could, would or should live across your street)

I'm trying to think up something encouraging to say but I can't. Just bear with it, I guess. And don't do anything stupid!
Leo
- Tuesday, July 26, 2011 11:58 AM CDT

While I can't answer your questions, I can suggest this... Before you go to sleep try to recount and recall the best times you had with Zach. While it will not ease the pain of the loss it may at least direct your dreams toward the memories you want to keep. Instead of counting sheep, count laughs and the tears of joy you shared... We really missed you guys in TN. The kids recalled both Zach and dad when passing out this year's Sandstone awards. It was both touching and fun to see that Zach is a lasting memory for them... I hope to see you soon... Wishing you better nights ahead...
Cousin David
Roswell, ga USA - Monday, July 11, 2011 3:27 PM CDT

A burden I share. My Rachael died in 2003, and nightly I am awaken with the horrors of her last weeks, days, hours. I wish I could awaken with pleasant memories, but that is not the case.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@gmail.com>
- Wednesday, July 6, 2011 8:43 PM CDT

Scott, So sorry for all the pain, for all the hurt in the heart and torture in the mind. I hope one day the nightmares stop.
jennifer <jlbunnyhoney@hotmail.com>
- Wednesday, July 6, 2011 1:23 PM CDT

Well, I wish I had answers for you. I can't imagine how hard it is. My son is 4 years off treatment and I have night terrors almost every night that I've forgotten his chemo or that he and his brother are in some sort of danger (drowning, mountain lion in backyard, etc.) and I'm powerless to do anything. Tried anti-depressants and therapy. Friends say to just "forget about it and move on." As if. PTSD: It's not just for veterans anymore. Thinking of you and wishing I could fix it.
Natalie
- Sunday, July 3, 2011 3:29 PM CDT

I am sure the wedding slideshow did nothing to help. I am sure it triggered different dreams. I am very glad you and Rebecca chose to come and celebrate with us, but also realize the pain it could cause in doing so.
Jennifer <jweekman@gmail.com>
- Saturday, July 2, 2011 6:10 PM CDT

I wish I had the answers. All I can do is let you know that I think of you often and wish there was something I could say to ease your mind. I can hope and pray that very soon those night terrors will turn into peaceful dreams and sleep. I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lisa Kingsbury <djkingsbury@comcast.net>
Sandy, UT United States - Wednesday, June 29, 2011 2:10 PM CDT

I don't know if this will help or not, but have you ever read the book, " Heaven is for real" by Todd Burpo? Simple read and makes you feel very peaceful after reading it.
J Berg <jbfarms@wiktel.com>
- Wednesday, June 29, 2011 9:53 AM CDT

May God and good memories carry you thru this Fathers Day.
Deb <debbieh@arvig.net>
Dent, MN USA - Sunday, June 19, 2011 11:14 AM CDT

Thinking of you...

And knowing the pain of loss...
Tanys
- Wednesday, June 8, 2011 2:42 PM CDT

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I think of you often and pray for you. I hope that as time goes on you will feel peace.
The one thing I know for sure, Cancer Sucks.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Friday, May 13, 2011 10:36 PM CDT

I always think of your family on holidays and today has to be one of the hardest for you both...Just know that people out here are still thinking of Zachary and both of you.
katy myers <themyers@directv.net>
kitts hill, oh usa - Sunday, May 8, 2011 12:29 AM CDT

I was outside on a fence, and across from me stood Zach laughing and smiling. We were at a beach talking with everyone and smiling. Then he looked at me and said "I'm sorry" and I was confused. "For what?" I asked, and he looked at me. The scene changed and we were in a dark room. "For leaving you guys like that." I hugged him, and said "It's okay."
This was a dream I had a few months after he passed. I miss my cousin, but I like knowing that he took the time to reassure me that he was okay, and I hope it helps you too.
Amanda Sandfelder <kooliestnerdalive@gmail.com>
GA - Thursday, April 28, 2011 7:01 PM CDT

Good Afternoon I was sent this poem today as a remembrance for my Angel Michael. I thought it was very fitting as Easter approaches. Please know that I am thinking about all of you and keeping you close in prayer always. Hugs and Blessings
MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWingsRemembers

AND GOD SAID

I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, "I know."
I said, "God, I cry a lot."
And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."
I said "God, I am so depressed."
And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."
I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."
I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."
I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross."
I said, "God, but your loved one lives."
And God said, "So does yours."
I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on My right and yours will be in the Light."
I said, "God, it hurts."
And God said, "I know."

marijeighn2010@gmail.com
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn2010@gmail.com>
Lawrence, MA USA - Friday, April 22, 2011 2:19 PM CDT

I WANT to be able to say or do something to make a difference but I can't. Just know you are thought of and prayed for often!
Heidi Kaliher <grrkaliher@hotmail.com>
Elk River, MN - Friday, April 22, 2011 11:57 AM CDT

Wanting for you all the desires of your heart. In response to the entry regarding Brandyn I could say a whole lot, but only going to say what I am confident Jesus would say.....WELL DONE.

Blessings.........
Margaret Faulkner
Duncanville, AL USA - Friday, April 22, 2011 11:23 AM CDT

Sigmund Freud can say what he may, I say.................... WHAT AN AWESOME THING FOR YOU GUYS TO DO...... REALLY, JUST A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL THING. May God poor out blessings upon your family as you bless others!!!

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." Richard Bach

"It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons." ~Johann Schiller
Dianna in Louisiana
- Thursday, April 21, 2011 10:14 AM CDT

An Invitation To All Prayer Warriors

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings will be
holding a Prayer Vigil on Tuesday April 19
between 8-9 pm EST for all the families on our
Angel_Wings Prayer Lists and our Angel families of
children,teens and adults who have gained their wings.
We Are Fighting For Our Children One Prayer
At A Time...

Thank you for joining us.

If You Have A Specific Prayer Request Or Someone Who Is In Need Of Prayer Please Feel Free To Let Us Know.

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors

AngelWingsRemembers

Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Saturday, April 16, 2011 1:33 PM CDT

I wish there was a way to give you answers or ease your pain. I don't know you personally but my best friend has walked your path. Today marks 5 years since she lost her son and my heart is breaking for her today. She to is looking for an answer. Prayers and hugs to you and your family,
Amanda Cox
Hiwassee, va - Friday, April 15, 2011 3:22 PM CDT

I so want these things for you, too. I want you to know that you were the best dad Zachary could have asked for. I want for you to feel at peace knowing you fought the good fight.
I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. My heart breaks for you.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, ut US - Friday, April 15, 2011 2:31 PM CDT

Praying for your peace. I understand. God be with you both.
Jackie
WPB, FL - Friday, April 15, 2011 5:43 AM CDT

i wish i could fulfill all your wants scott. so wishing the same thing for you.
nancy irving <bnirving@sympatico.ca>
toronto, ontario canada - Thursday, April 14, 2011 7:11 PM CDT

Freud mostly commented on people seeing long buses in their dreams so you can forget about all that. You did a good thing for a good kid. What's there for Freud to say? Good job, Scott and Rebecca. I'm proud of you.
Leo
Irkutsk, Russia - Saturday, April 9, 2011 10:15 AM CDT

I don't think Freud would find anything to comment on at all, except to say that you are such generous, loving people who see a kid in need and are able to help. What a great thing you're doing for that young man!
Natalie (www.caringbridge.org/oh/finnrooney) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Friday, April 8, 2011 0:25 AM CDT

Nope. Not nuts at all.
And Freud is over-rated. :D (This from a psych major)
You were blessed by Brandyn. Now you have blessed him.
There is good in this world.

www.daveshell.blogspot.com
www.caringbridge.org/wa/davemeyer
Michelle Meyer <meyer1986@charter.net>
Walla Walla, WA US - Thursday, April 7, 2011 2:11 AM CDT

Scott & Rebecca,
That is wonderful. You guys have been through so much but you still have such a loving spirit. You amaze me!! Much love to you both.
Teressa
Burlington, NC - Wednesday, April 6, 2011 10:02 AM CDT

Where's my April Fool's prank?
Vickie Buenger <vbuenger@gmail.com>
Bryan, TX - Monday, April 4, 2011 12:23 AM CDT

Very happy for you, Finestones. It sounds perfect, for you and for Brandyn. Love to all.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA - Thursday, March 31, 2011 0:53 AM CDT

You are awesome. Never forget it. I continue to think of you often.
Hugs from Iowa,
Marjie <jmr@mahaska.org>
Oskaloosa, IA - Monday, March 28, 2011 3:55 PM CDT

I am glad to see you have found a way to honor Zach's memory by helping his dearest friend. Now you just need to get him a cancer sucks bumper sticker for that ride of his. Zach would be happy for his friend and very proud of you and Rebecca. I am sure he is smiling down on you.
David Sandfelder
Roswell, GA USA - Sunday, March 27, 2011 10:25 AM CDT

It was great to her from you Scott. Your thinking on the world has always been inspiring to me.
Best Wishes

Emma
England - Sunday, March 27, 2011 9:06 AM CDT

Scott, YOU ROCK!!!!
Susie <suzmiller5@comcast.net>
Seattle, - Saturday, March 26, 2011 11:52 PM CDT

Two words...how nice!
J King
- Friday, March 25, 2011 7:45 PM CDT

Doing what feels right in your heart is always right. Thank you for giving Brandyn a leg up and letting him know people care about him. I have no doubt your generosity will be repaid by him to others; he'll remember this.
Vicki <vjlsoccer@hotmail.com>
Atlanta, GA - Friday, March 25, 2011 8:47 AM CDT

Wow, you have left me speechless. First of all Brandyn, what you did for Zachary and his family was nothing less than the BEST. Your selfless acts of kindness, was the greatest gift you could have given Zachary and his parents. Now they are in the position to help you - it has come full circle. This is what life is all about. This is how it should be. No questions asked. Thank you all for showing us.
Kimberly Miller
Lecompte, La 71346 - Friday, March 25, 2011 8:19 AM CDT

What a wonderful uplifting story, Paying forward is the best feeling of satisfaction. I have had some great people help me from time to time and I learned early that the best thank you is to pay forward.

I am sure Zachary is feeling mighty proud of his parents!
Gail Williams
toronto, ON Canada - Thursday, March 24, 2011 11:05 PM CDT

How great to hear from you. You followed your heart. That's all that matters. He was there for you and Zachary when you needed him and now you are able to help him, what could be better than that? I think what you are doing for him and for you is just awesome. Zachary would be so proud of you.
Enjoy your "new" cars! It's so hard to believe it has been 2 years. I'm sure it feels like a lifetime for you.
My thoughts and prayers are always with you.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
andy, UT USA - Sunday, March 20, 2011 3:37 PM CDT

An Invitation To All Prayer Warriors

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings will be
holding a Prayer Vigil on Saturday, March 19th.
between 8-9 pm EST for all the families on our
Angel_Wings Prayer Lists and our Angel families of
children, teens and adults who gained their wings.

We Are Fighting For Our Children One Prayer
At A Time....

If you have a specific Prayer Request or someone who is in
need of prayers, please feel free to email us using the links below this message.

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors

AngelWingsRemembers

ms. polly
angel wings prayer warriors
angel wings remembers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/angel_wings
- Friday, March 18, 2011 7:10 PM CDT

god bless you scott and rebecca. i wouldn't be sitting here keyboarding if it hadn't been for some really good folks in my life when i was brandyn's age, etc. i hope bradyn's job will be better than mine 'way back when----ironing baskets and loads of laundry. ;o)
you two are totally amazing angels on earth and pifing it as you go. pifing? paying it forward. ;o)
angel hugs and smiles....ms. polly
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/angel_wings
Heart of North America, USA - Friday, March 18, 2011 7:10 PM CDT

That was a wonderful thing to do. You and Brandyn are lucky to have found each other.I'm sure Zachary is smiling down on you all.
michelel
ny - Friday, March 18, 2011 6:02 PM CDT

What you guys did for Brandyn was so sweet!! I'm glad you were able to help this young man out.
Michelle Zammat <whisperpur@gmail.com>
Belcamp, MD USA - Thursday, March 17, 2011 8:02 AM CDT

How wonderful all around..So happy for you all..to hell with SF. He was crazy ;)
Jackie <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Thursday, March 17, 2011 7:54 AM CDT

Well I don't know what Freud would make of it, but I think what you've done is wonderful. I'm a great believer that some people just need help to get started/over a blip before becoming very self sufficient, and how great he was such a good friend to Zachary.

On a very trival note, how is your squirrel problem from a couple of years back?
viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Wednesday, March 16, 2011 7:43 PM CDT

I am in awe! You never cease to amaze me!
Jackie
WPB, FL - Wednesday, March 16, 2011 6:08 AM CDT

I am glad you are doing what you have for Brandyn. I think it helps you and Rebecca and Zachary would have approved. And it sounds like you are giving Brandyn a fresh start in what has been a difficult situation for him.
Terri Grant <route66hello@aol.com>
HALF MOON BAY, CA - Tuesday, March 15, 2011 11:35 PM CDT

Giving Brandon this car is nothing compared to what Brandon has given to you. He sounds like such an awesome kid. You are definitely paying it forward. I'm sure Zach would be so very proud of you.
Rosie
Windham, ME - Tuesday, March 15, 2011 11:24 AM CDT

You guys are very nice to give Brandyn a good jump start on life.
Jennifer Hartley
- Tuesday, March 15, 2011 8:39 AM CDT

don't ever let anyone make you doubt your intentions!!! you are two great people with a lot of love to give and brandyn was already one of your own. who can say that if zachary weren't still with you that you wouldn't have done those things for brandyn anyway - i would put my money on yes anyday...and good for you scott for knowing that a truck is just a "thing" and showing everyone what is more important. i hope you all have a great time and a very bright future - keep us posted!!
kim black <kimybeee@suddenlink.net>
milton, wv usa - Tuesday, March 15, 2011 1:54 AM CDT

Zach is smiling and so am I. My heart is full.
Jane Sinatra <jsinachris@aol.com>
Jensen Beach, FL USa - Monday, March 14, 2011 4:51 PM CDT

You are amazing...making a huge difference in Brandyns life. Always thinking of you and Rebecca and of course your angel Zach.
Deb H
Dent, mn usa - Monday, March 14, 2011 11:32 AM CDT

Absolutely incredible, I'm so in awe of your generosity and selflessness, you should be so proud of yourselves, I know I am.

Nancy irving <Bnirving@ sympatico.ca>
Toronto, Ontario, canada, - Sunday, March 13, 2011 2:22 PM CDT

WOW - what a wonderful thing you did!
Cathy <garbmike@optonline.net>
Rockaway, nj - Sunday, March 13, 2011 11:56 AM CDT

Amazing! There needs to be more feel good stories as this one.
Debbie <dar1227@aol.com>
Fayetteville, - Sunday, March 13, 2011 11:50 AM CDT

What a great story of the kindness and good natured humanity that we never get to hear on the news! I think you guys are amazing people who have been dealt a big load of crap yet you continue to shovel it away so you can bring joy and hope to others. I haven't checked this site in a while but I am glad that I did!
Heidi <grrkaliher@gmail.com>
MN - Sunday, March 13, 2011 11:50 AM CDT

Thinking of you two and your wonderful young man this week. I know yesterday was the anniversary of Zach's birth down here. I understand how real the emotions and feelings can be for angel parents on these kinds of days. (As if any other day doesn't bring some kind of reminder.)

We're battling the frigid, artic cold blasting down from the northwest so we're under another severe wind and cold advisory. Life on the frozen tundra up here. You probably met half of our neighbors who are visiting your fair state this month for some R&R away from the farm and the COLD. ;o)

Take care. Hang in there!

Angel Hugs,
Ms. Polly
Angel Wings Remembers
Angel Wings Prayer Warriors
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/angel_wings
Heart of North America, USA - Wednesday, March 2, 2011 9:21 AM CST

Zach, I sending lots of hugs and smoochies your way tonight. Is they any chance you could ask the weather folks up there to keep the daytime temps above zero for a while? I'd sure appreciate it. ;o)
Angel Hugs....Ms. Polly @ Angel Wings Remembers

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
An Invitation To All Prayer Warriors

The Prayer Warriors at Angel Wings will be
holding a Prayer Vigil on Wednesday, January 19th.
between 8-9 pm EST for all the families on our
Angel Wings Prayer Lists and our Angel families of
children, teens and adults who have gained their wings.

We Are Fighting For Our Children One Prayer
At A Time... .

If you have a specific prayer request or know someone who is in need of prayer, please feel free to let us know.

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers

Sincerely....Ms. Polly
Angel Wings Groups
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/angel_wings
- Tuesday, January 18, 2011 10:55 PM CST

Thinking of you both and always missing your boy!
Colette McKnight <Colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Psl, Fl - Saturday, January 15, 2011 9:02 PM CST

I'm holding you two close in my heart and prayers. It is hard to believe this is Zach's 2nd Anniversary in Heaven. Zach's legacy lives on through each of you and through those whose lives were touched by him.

I'll check our local post office to see if Scott made it to the Top 10 Wanted List. Since it is only open between 10 am and 2 pm I can safely say the lobby won't be too crowded with folks looking for that big reward.

Life in the fast lane in the north-central tundra of the US this time of year runs pretty doggone slow... .

Angel Hugs....Polly @ Angel Wings Remembers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/angel_wings
- Saturday, January 15, 2011 7:59 PM CST

Kyle was summoned for Jury Duty and invited to join the Armed Forces..Keeping you in our prayers.
Kathy Pacheco <pachecosfl@att.net>
Lake Worth, FL - Wednesday, January 12, 2011 1:23 PM CST

Still checking on you guys and thinking of you!
Natalie (www.caringbridge.org/oh/finnrooney) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Tuesday, January 11, 2011 8:03 PM CST

Great to see the update...Zachery will never be forgotten. Hoping 2011 will be a good year for you and Rebecca. Always thinking and praying for you two.
DebH
Dent, MN USA - Sunday, January 9, 2011 8:48 AM CST

Hey Scott, I know it doesn't come close to your lose, my Mom who died in 1995 still gets mail apparently she has great credit and every credit card wants to give her a credit card
carol kirkpatrick <carol_kirkpatrick_58@hotmail.com>
braintree , ma usa - Sunday, January 9, 2011 0:05 AM CST

Hi Scott, I still read your update (and check in to see if there is one).

How is the squirrel problem you were having a few years back now?
Will be thinking of you on Zacharys annaversary (and all year around too)
Love Viks
viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Saturday, January 8, 2011 8:59 PM CST

Well at least it was a pleasant reminder....
becky m <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny usa - Saturday, January 8, 2011 7:59 PM CST

I hope your holidays were filled with friends and family. I hope that those around you are not afraid to talk about Zachary and the fun times you had. I hope 2011 will be a great year for you and Rebecca. I think of you often. Although it makes me very sad to think that Zachary is gone and that you are here without him, I pull out your book every once in a while to get a good laugh from some of your many adventures. You guys had so much fun together. I hope those memories will always sustain you through your agony.
Love and prayers.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Tuesday, January 4, 2011 5:18 PM CST

Sheesh! Who thought THAT ONE up!

Stopping by to let you two know I'm thinking about you today. I don't get over here often enough but that will change this year--a resultion to keep! ;o)

If you'd like a foot or two of snow mailed to you just let me know. We have drifts several feet high and wouldn't miss a foot or two of the white stuff.

Blessing for the New Year
May the new year bring
The warmth of home and hearth to you.
The cheer and goodwill of friends to you,
The hope of a childlike heart to you.
The joy of a thousand angels to you,
The love of the Son and God's peace to you.
Penned by: Anonymous

Prayers from My Heart to Yours in 2011.

Ms. Polly
Angel Wings Prayer Warriors
Angel Wings Remembers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AngelWingsRemembers
- Saturday, January 1, 2011 4:49 PM CST

Merry Christmas Finestones!
Debbie
Dent, MN USA - Saturday, December 25, 2010 10:19 AM CST

What about those fingerprints they collected...any match?

Praying that you get through the holidays and find some joy.

Prayers and hugs,
Connie F-G <cdlfg@cox.net>
LaVista, NE - Thursday, December 23, 2010 11:17 AM CST

I thought you might want to know I once bought back several items from a pawn store which had been stolen. I know this law and agree with your sentiments!

Thinking of you and Rebecca this Holiday Season.
Terri Grant <route66hello@aol.com>
Carlisle, Ma - Wednesday, December 8, 2010 2:26 AM CST

major sucking! just shows that laws don't protect the people it should! maybe that is how terrorists can start funding their pilot school and bomb making supplies!!!
kimybeee <kimybeee@suddenlink.net>
milton, wv us - Wednesday, December 8, 2010 2:05 AM CST

That pawn shop stuff truly sucks. My inlaws have had the same experience, and have been told repeatedly by the pawn shop onwers, and the police, that "the stolen items are not yours any more, so you will have to buy them if you want them back." Very annoying indeed. If your friends bought the GPS with a credit card, they might be able to recover the money that way for another GPS.
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Monday, December 6, 2010 11:15 AM CST

Just more proof of the stupidness of the system! Just glad to see a post from you. As always you guys are in my prayers this holiday season.
Deb
Dent, MN USA - Saturday, December 4, 2010 8:41 AM CST

GREAT....... So this means your in! We're gonna have one hell of an operation. As long as P.S.L.'s finest doesn't see your Caringbridge.
A.K.A The "Friend" <thewahlfamily95@yahoo.com>
- Wednesday, December 1, 2010 12:55 AM CST

Hi Scott!
Just checking in to let you know that you were on my mind... Please let us all know how your "college" is going.
Hoping that you guys are doing as best as possible. Blessings to you both.
Shayne B.
West Richland, WA - Monday, November 15, 2010 2:12 AM CST

Thinking of you today. I think of you often, actually. But, today another little neuroblastoma warrior died. He was only 2. I just ache for you guys. Neuroblastoma is such a hideous disease. All cancers are. Cancer sucks. Really bad. Especially on days that end in y. I hope you are well and have figured the school thing out. That medical transcription degree might serve you well.
My love and prayers.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT USA - Monday, November 8, 2010 6:40 PM CST

Oh my soul! They have that stuff really messed up don't they? Now not only do they have you making grades on a test you didn't take, what happens to Rebecca's grade? Did she get any credit? I'd have to seriously get upset with them! I am sure you have much more patience than me! Let us know how it turned out. Its been a while since you posted so I'm sure you had to have gotten some news by now right? LOL Your book is on our mantle in our bedroom over the fire place. I see it on a daily basis and remember Zachary - and of course think of you both. Praying still for you...Keep writing. We love it. :) Kim Miller
Kim Miller <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Monday, November 8, 2010 3:10 PM CST

An Invitation To All Prayer Warriors

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings will be
holding a Prayer Vigil on Tuesday, October 19th.
between 8-9 pm EST for all the families on our
Angel_Wings Prayer Lists and our Angel families of
children,teens and adults who have gained their wings.

We Are Fighting For Our Children One Prayer
At A Time..

If You Have A Specific Prayer Request Or Someone Who Is In Need Of Prayer Please Feel Free To Let Us Know.

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors

AngelWingsRemembers

Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Saturday, October 16, 2010 11:42 AM CDT

First off Scott, congrats on getting a fire under your tush to go back to school. My college age daughter goes through this like every semester though, or cant access her account and email to sign up for courses, so be prepared!

Chris Russo Goochs mom <chrisrusso_@hotmail.com>
Vernon,, CT - Friday, October 8, 2010 2:08 PM CDT

I knew there was a reason I was suppose to come check your site. What a bunch of morons!
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Tuesday, October 5, 2010 3:37 PM CDT

Now you know where all the bozos you used to deal with processing claims got thier experience... They trained in the admissions department at Online U... It takes practrice to be that incompetent most normal folks would have simply lost your check...
Cousin David
Roswell, GA USA - Sunday, October 3, 2010 10:10 AM CDT

I love it!!!! I was actually hoping for an insurance story!!!!! You need to write a whole book about your experiences with the insurance world! Good luck with your medical coding classes(God has such a cool sense of humor)!!! lol
kimybeee <kimybeee@suddenlink.net>
milton, WV usa - Friday, October 1, 2010 11:43 PM CDT

How in the world do you not just blow up with these people. And there are so many people out of work you know that company could find someone more competent. Oh wait, they would have to pay them more.
You must be so laid back, I admire your humor in this.
I think of you guys often and check in when I can. How are the kitties.
Teressa
NC - Thursday, September 30, 2010 8:02 AM CDT

Glad to see are baCK!
DEBH <debbieh@arvign.net>
DENT, MN USA - Sunday, September 26, 2010 7:54 PM CDT

I have no words, what a journey this is going to be. I loved your post you made me smile and I am sure Zachary is smiling also at this one. Your humor came through and that is what kept me coming and praying for you. I still pray daily for the Finestone family.
Hugs from Iowa,
Marjie <Rinehart_Jim@yahoo.com>
Oskaloosa, Iowa United States - Sunday, September 26, 2010 7:11 PM CDT

LOL. What a great student you are/going to be.
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Saturday, September 25, 2010 8:13 PM CDT

friend at Iliff Shool of Theology
edwina burton <edwinaburton@comcast.net>
littleton, CO United States - Friday, September 24, 2010 11:05 AM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Sunday,
September 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers

Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Saturday, September 18, 2010 10:53 AM CDT

Thanks for the update. I think of you and Rebecca often. So jealous of Rebecca's job. I would love to bake for a living. Looking forward to hear more about the reef. Sounds like a great thing. Take care!
Laura Howell <codylaura24@hotmail.com>
Oregon City, OR USA - Friday, September 10, 2010 7:29 PM CDT

Thank you for the update. It is always good to hear what you have been up to. Sounds like you are staying out of trouble. I would love a job like Rebecca's, that sounds fun. I will look forward to seeing pics. of the motorcycle. That is so awesome about the reef, what a great memorial.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Kyle. Cancer truly sucks.
Take care.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
S - Sunday, September 5, 2010 7:35 PM CDT

Your family remains in my prayers. Looking forward to photos of the motorcycle and the reef, what an awesome tribute.

As for the motorcycle, if you can get it in good natural light without being directly in the sun, you should be able to get a great shot of the artwork. What I would do if it was me is to find a place with lots of indirect light, then I'd take the photo without flash, for example on a sunny day in your garage with the door open or any other shaded area without direct sun.

Losing kids just gets harder and harder. Cancer sucks.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Tuesday, August 31, 2010 6:30 PM CDT

Appreciate the update.
I sent you an e mail with some dragon artwork attachments from my Rachael's portfolio.

Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Tuesday, August 31, 2010 2:22 PM CDT

I am so glad you posted with an update. I come here everyday to see how you are doing. Thank you for sharing Zach's life with us and now your's and Rebecca's. The reef sounds amazing and will give you something to look forward to. Cook away Rebecca, you go girl.
Have a blessed day!
Jackie
WPB, FL - Tuesday, August 31, 2010 5:58 AM CDT

So glad to hear from you! Prayers always!
Deb H
Dent, mn usa - Monday, August 30, 2010 7:01 PM CDT

Always good to have an update from you, Scott. Those of us who have cared about your family and your journey love to read about what's going on with you. Healing is a difficult task and it comes uniquely to each individual. Praying for you to find more joy than sadness as you continue moving forward.
Sue G
- Sunday, August 29, 2010 5:47 PM CDT

I'm sorry I don't leave more messages. I think about you all the time and hope that you and Rebecca are doing okay. I don't really know what okay is, I just hope you are having more good days than bad. You gave Zachary such an awesome life, you packed it full of love and laughter. Much more than most people ever experience.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
- Thursday, August 26, 2010 9:30 PM CDT

Just checking on you guys....prayers always
Deb
Dent, MN usa - Saturday, August 7, 2010 8:40 AM CDT

It has been 12 years since I suffered a very significant loss, and I can assure you that time does deal wounds. However, those very deep and painful wounds ALWAYS leave a scar. You will eventually start having more and more good days, and fewer bad days, but just as it is with physical scars, you will likely always have days that those scars will bother you, and remind you of that wound. I'm not trying be a counselor, or be pessimistic - I just want you to know that I understand loss, and everyone deals with it differently. One of the most healing moments for me was to realize that it is OK for me to grieve - when you love someone that much, you are always going to miss them - why wouldn't you? If you are so inclined, you might listen to the song "Homesick" by the group Mercyme. It means a lot to me - maybe it will give you some comfort or insight. Hang in there - you are doing just fine.
Debbie Scherder <debsherdr@yahoo.com>
- Wednesday, July 28, 2010 1:32 PM CDT

Just wanted you to know that your family is in my thoughts.
Terri Grant <route66hello@aol.com>
Carlisle, Ma - Friday, July 23, 2010 9:34 PM CDT

Sorry I haven't left a message, I still check your page and think of you though,

Love Vikki
viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Monday, July 19, 2010 12:55 AM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Monday,
July 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers
Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Saturday, July 17, 2010 6:55 PM CDT

Thinking of you, praying for you, crying with you...........
Time heals? I don't know, I hope so. I truly hope so.

Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
sandy, ut - Sunday, July 11, 2010 9:17 PM CDT

Thinking of yall, and praying for you too.

Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Thursday, July 8, 2010 3:58 PM CDT

Our Flag
Author Unknown

I love to see the starry flag
That floats above my head.
I love to see its waving folds
With stripes of white and red.
�Be brave,� say the red stripes.
�Be pure,� say the white.
�Be true,� say the bright stars.
�And stand for the right.�

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Angel Hugs and Blessings,
Ms. Polly @ Angel_WIngs Prayer Warriors

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/angel_wings
- Saturday, July 3, 2010 10:04 PM CDT

Hi Scott,

I had a friend tell me once who had lost a child that the second year was harder than the first because that is when relatity sets in. Where you start to realized that he is really gone. They also said that the saying "Time heals all wounds" what it means is that you learn to hide the feelings better. I remember reading somewhere about someone who lost their child 25 years ago and it still hurts the same, only difference is they have learned how to deal with the pain.

I pray that you find peace. The peace that will allow you lay down the burden of pain. I also pray for your family and friends understanding of grief. It adds a huge burden on your grief when friends are telling you you are grieving too long.
Angela
- Wednesday, June 30, 2010 10:42 AM CDT

I havent been on in a long time.. january of last year was when my mom had a recurrence and i was so wrapped up in her that i lost track of all the cb sites i used to keep a tab on.. I kept a tab on this site for years.. and now i found a slideshow on youtube and the last face was of your boy..of your family... and i said NO way Zack isnt gone... no way....
I am so sorry scott.. I am so very sorry.. 9 years of fighting was a long time..he did beat the beast but somehow that's just NOT enough..My heart goes out to you and your wife...
jenn d/o martha
www.caringbridge.org/visit/marthaquintero
Jenn Perez <nubuz23@hotmail.com>
Sarasota, FL 34237 - Thursday, June 24, 2010 7:53 PM CDT

Thinking about you guys tonight. Take one day at a time, enjoy the things you can, like your vacation, and know that there are many of us out here thinking of you and hoping for better days for you.
Sherri <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Tuesday, June 22, 2010 8:52 PM CDT

Thinking of you on this Father's day.
Nancy Engels
Appleton, WI United States - Sunday, June 20, 2010 5:03 PM CDT

An Invitation To All Prayer Warriors

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings will be
holding a Prayer Vigil on Saturday June 19th.
between 8-9 pm EST for all the families on our
Angel_Wings Prayer Lists and our Angel families of
children,teens and adults who have gained their wings.
If you have someone you would like us to pray for who
is not on our payer lists please don't hesitate to let us
know..

MJ/Angel_Wings/AngelWingsRemembers

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors

AngelWingsRemembers
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
- Friday, June 18, 2010 8:43 AM CDT

Hello my friend. I dont know Scott, everyone does say time heals, I just do not see how in the world it possibly can when its a child. A parent, peer, grandparent - the "normal" losses in life - losing a child is never normal. My sister will never get over the loss of her son from a car accident. She DOES go on with life, travel, work, keep busy - but just try to move one thing in Jonathan's bedroom and you will hear/feel her wrath. (So i hear, I dont venture in there, I know better)
Chris Russo - goochs mom <chrisrusso_@hotmail.com>
Vernon, CT USA - Tuesday, June 15, 2010 11:30 AM CDT

My Rachael died in 2003. I am past what most people see as an acceptable time to 'get over my grief'. I am still blindsided my memories of Rachael and the horrible pain of her last 15 days of life. I might look normal, but I can be in the car and see something that reminds me of her and I cry. I can be at home making supper and be hit by a familiar smell and blame the onions for my tears.
Will I ever be the normal fun-loving person I used to be...NO. But that's okay because even though I still cry this many years after Rachael's death, the memories are all I have left.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Monday, June 14, 2010 3:04 PM CDT

While time does heal all wounds, it is not always without a nasty scar to remind you of what happened. the key is to look at the scar or in your case the tatoo and remember the joy Zach brought to us all.
Cousin Dave
Roswell, ga usa - Friday, June 11, 2010 9:29 PM CDT

words are truly inadequate, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and i thank you for sharing with all of us. i sure do wish there was something else i could do. if u would please visit carepages.com/juliansworld.
Margaret Faulkner
Tuscaloosa, AL - Tuesday, June 8, 2010 3:53 PM CDT

Time in and of itself doesn't heal anything. You are in year 2 now, the families I know who have lost children (waaaaay too many) say almost universally that the second year is worst than the first.

Grief has its own timetable. If I could place a bet, I'd put money on you feeling better 2 years from now, and quite possibly a year from now, but from what others have shared with me, you are in what is for most the worst time of all right now.

Does your local children's hospital have a group for bereaved parents? Sometimes those just don't work out, but sometimes they do, if there is such a thing and if you haven't tried it, it would probably be worth at least one visit.

There are people on the innernets who have never met you who continue to pray and send positive thoughts your way, the path through grief is tortuous, it takes time.

Just try to take courage and not lose hope that things won't improve, because eventually they will, even if you can't see that path yet.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Monday, June 7, 2010 9:13 PM CDT

Rachael died March 1, 2003...since that time I've been unable to go on a vacation...you must have wonderful friends that you can take comfort in to enable you to go on a cruise...wonderful for you.

I truly am pleased that you are able to get away. I hope in time you will find some enjoyment in your time spent with friends.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Monday, June 7, 2010 6:26 PM CDT

Hmmm, I don't know if I buy that old saying either. Thinking of you each day.
Natalie (www.caringbridge.org/oh/finnrooney) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Sunday, June 6, 2010 11:50 PM CDT

Waiting to hear from you on life....
Deb H
Dent, MN USA - Wednesday, June 2, 2010 8:36 PM CDT

Just checking in on you and Rebecca. I have passed your book around at the cancer treatment center where my husband is a patient. Have heard nothing but praise for you from the readers. You did good Scott. I have no idea how you feel. I have lost relatives from cancer....my mother, my father, 2 aunts. The list goes on, but it doesn't include a child, so I can't give you any advice.........not that you would take it (learned a lot in the years I've been coming to this site!) I miss reading about Zachary and his antics and shed tears when I read your updates. My heart breaks for you and Rebecca, but I don't know what to say to you to make it better. Just know that you both are in my prayers. Give those cats a hug for me. I love cats, have one named Toby, too!!

Blessings........
Linda
www.carepages.com/carepages/dalescancerpage
Linda Resinger <resinger15@bigrivertel.net>
Farmington, MO - Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:31 AM CDT

A month since your last update.. I hope that means you're getting some sleep on occasion... Thinking of you..
Cousin David <dadfelder@aol.com>
Roswell, GA USA - Sunday, May 23, 2010 7:07 PM CDT

Sorry I don't sign in much lately. I still check on you and think about your family all the time. My tears flow for you. I can't imagine losing a child. I don't know how you are "supposed" to deal with it. In your own way is the best way. People just love you and want you to be happy. I'm sure it is so hard for those who love you so much to see you so sad. I pray that time will help lessen the sadness.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Friday, May 21, 2010 4:38 PM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Wednesday,
May 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers
Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Tuesday, May 18, 2010 7:55 AM CDT

This is such a poignant entry. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking for you, and sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Joyce <jdadekia@skidmore.edu>
NY USA - Thursday, May 13, 2010 10:35 PM CDT

Time is different when you are grieving. I don't think I had even gotten past the shock of losing Haley until after 2 years.
Other people think you should get "better", but it is only the passage of time that helped me.
I can tell you, as a four and a half year survivor of losing a child, that you will never stop missing him, but the hurt eases. Somehow, and with lots of time, the pain lessens a bit.
Hold tight to your faith...it helps.

Cheryl and Angel Haley <cherylvincent4@aol.com>
- Thursday, May 13, 2010 5:49 PM CDT

Remembering Zac. Wishing you well.
Emma
UK - Saturday, May 8, 2010 1:05 PM CDT

I haven't been writing either, 160-character blurbs on Facebook, but that's not really writing.

I did get all worked up recently about a school board issue and posted a seething criticism to a news site, how much easier it was to write about something not as close to my real heart.

In college, more than once I had the experience of a physics or math problem that no matter how I tried to wrap my mind around it, I couldn't get any insight.

More than once I figured out the solution after I finally broke down and called a friend for help. More than once the solution occurred to me as I was trying to explain the problem to someone else.

Grief is a tidal wave, writing can be one way to help find a life preserver.

From another bereaved parent friend of mine today:

Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith; rather it is the price of love.

You loved him well.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Thursday, May 6, 2010 3:10 PM CDT

Hi Scott (and Becca) - Becca, I just wanted to say that it was really nice talking to you at Relay for Life on Friday night. It brought me back to this page to play a little catch up. I wish you both the best of luck and happiness in everything you do!
Amanda Shaffer <gatoramanda@aol.com>
Fort Pierce, FL - Sunday, May 2, 2010 4:05 PM CDT

Picked up your book yesterday and started rereading it. That brought me back to this site and I caught up on your recent entries. I'm so sorry for your nightmares and struggle with sleeping, as in grief sometimes it seems sleep should provide us with at least a few hours of relief. I'm glad you have at least some diversions - work, the cats, the motorcycles. I'm sorry that I haven't been back more often to let you know I'm still thinking of you guys and your wonderful Zachary.

Sherri Ross
Concord, NC - Saturday, May 1, 2010 11:51 PM CDT

You and your wife are amazing. I do not have children therefore I can't begin to imagine the heartache that would come with losing one. Your healing will come in time....there is no manual to follow. God's Blessings for you and yours.
Dorothy Asbury <stitch811@yahoo.com>
Bartley, WV - Friday, April 30, 2010 8:36 AM CDT

Scott, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person's grief is his own. ((HUGS))
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Thursday, April 29, 2010 10:01 AM CDT

Scott,
I lost my mother 8 yrs ago. I still grieve for her today. I was told to "move on". I didn't know how to live my life without her. Many family members suggested to go to her grave and talk to her. It helped them. All it did for me was make it worse. I could see right in front of me, carved in stone, that she was gone. I also had horrible dreams. I dreamt that I saw her in a crowded place. I hollered to her Mom, Mom, I'm over here. She started walking towards me. When I got to her I went to hug her and my arms went right through her. I woke up bawling my eyes out. I guess what I am trying to say is do what is right for you. I found walking through my flower gardens, and seeing all the flowers she gave me was my place for comfort. I started writing down my dreams. It helped. Talking and crying with my friends helped. It is what worked for me. There is no manual or time line on how to grieve. Grief is the price we pay for love. Just do what feels right for you. Just because something works for somebody else doesn't mean it will work for you. It will become bearable some day. When - I don't know. Continue to update his site and reach out to us who care about your family. Scott find your flower garden.......Take care...
Rosie <heb4@roadrunner.com>
- Wednesday, April 28, 2010 1:30 PM CDT

You get up every morning, you go to work, you take care of your wife and cats... Do you do to much or to little to remember Zach? Have you moved on enough? Who knows? What we all know is that you have a tremendous ability to give as shown in your writing and in the love and care you provided for Zach during his fight. In the end Zach would want you to use that capacity in a way that makes you happy. He would want you to live your life out from under the shadow of his tragedy. Find a way to do that and the nightmares will stop. There is no fixed time or simple answer for how to do that; but, a letter to G-d is a good start. You will honor his memory best by finding a way to be truly happy again.
Cousin David
Roswell, ga United States - Friday, April 23, 2010 3:56 PM CDT

I wish i was good with words like you are. Just want you to know that you all are in my prayers.
sammy james <sam_jam39@hotmail.com>
flatwoods, KY USA - Thursday, April 22, 2010 11:09 PM CDT

You're right, Zachary was a GOOD person & I'm right.....you're a GOOD dad------do whats right for you, remain open, something may come along that makes sense to you....I'm not going to lie though...I'd be in the same boat as you are in right now...living a nightmare. If there's anything I can do, like distract you with my husband talking about his store for hours at a time...just say the word!
Colette <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
PSL, - Thursday, April 22, 2010 7:09 PM CDT

Maybe you could start writing in a small way. Like a blog about the kittens. I know that they are the strangest, most fascinating creatures out there. No two days are the same with them. Then, you could work up to motorcycle trips. What did you see, smell (well maybe not smell) but what your mind feels when you are riding.
Robin Thonen
Louisville, KY USA - Thursday, April 22, 2010 12:08 AM CDT

I'm sorry that you are feeling pressured by "friends". I think about your family daily and hope that whether today or in 10 years you will eventually find some sort of peace (if it is at all possible) - dang that was a lot of 2 letter words.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Thursday, April 22, 2010 11:30 AM CDT

There is no "right" way to deal with the loss of a child. It's the most horrible thing any parent could imagine. I know your friends and family all care about you, and worry about you. That's understandable, but you have to do what works for you. The fact that you wake up every morning is enough. Anything after that is a bonus. Just doing that much would be hard enough if I lost one of my children. Unfortunately, you have your entire life to figure out how to live without Zachary, to take on projects in his name, to figure out how to sleep at night, and to wrestle your demons. You have to go at your own pace, no one can tell you how to grieve. I know they mean well, so thank them for caring, take what advice you can use, and file the rest away.
Monique <smdavis@inbox.com>
- Thursday, April 22, 2010 11:16 AM CDT

All I can say is that I will continue to keep both of you in my prayers.
Margie Miller <margiemm54@aol.com>
Witner Springs, FL - Thursday, April 22, 2010 10:29 AM CDT

Being a staunch Southern Baptist, I firmly believe God answers us when we call out to Him... the Bible says so. Be open and attentive so that God can speak to you.

I suppose the pain and heartache of losing a child never goes away, but perhaps is lessened with time. Not being a parent, I cannot begin to fathom your loss.

Hang tough... and let me buy dinner sometime. I miss seeing you guys.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Thursday, April 22, 2010 10:18 AM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Monday,
April 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors

AngelWingsRemembers

MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWingsRemembers

MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
- Sunday, April 18, 2010 12:20 AM CDT

Just thinking about you all today....
Cheryl and Angel Haley <cherylvincent4@aol.com>
- Thursday, April 8, 2010 3:17 PM CDT

Happy Easter Finestones! You are always in my prayers
Deb
Dent, MN USA - Sunday, April 4, 2010 11:25 AM CDT

John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die"
Good Morning and Happy Easter I have always found this poem to be a comfort for me. I pray it will be a blessing for you also. Know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and Blessings

MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWings Remembers
God's Lent Child
I'll lend you for a little while a child of mine, God said,
For you to love him while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three;
But will you, till I call him back, take good care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,
You'll have the lovely memories as a solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return;
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.
I've searched the whole world over, for teachers kind and true;
And from the throngs that crowd life's lane I have chosen you...
Now will you give him all your love? Nor think the labor pain?
Nor hate me should the angels call, to take this child back again?
To which the parents did reply...
Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joys thy child will bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may...
for all the love this child will bring,
forever grateful we will stay.
But should the Angels call for him,
much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,and try to understand.
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
- Sunday, April 4, 2010 7:01 AM CDT

May the glory
and the promise
of this lovely time of year
Bring peace
and comfort to you
and those you hold most dear,
And may Christ,
Our Risen Saviour,
always be there by your side
To bless you
most abundantly
and be your loving guide.

Wishing you a blessed and
glorious Easter.

Angel Hugs,
Ms. Polly
Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers

P.S. I couldn't interest you in a load or two of brand new fresh, like today, SNOW, could I? Mother Nature seems to be a day late with her pranks up here on the frozen tundra.
Polly @ AngelWingsRemembers
Heart of North America, ND USA - Friday, April 2, 2010 8:15 PM CDT

I always think of you guys on April Fools. . .when I always got fooled. . .
Natalie (www.caringbridge.org/oh/finnrooney) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Thursday, April 1, 2010 6:12 PM CDT

It has occurred to me many times that misery really does love company. It's not like I would ever wish tragedy on anyone, but since tragedy never seems to have a problem finding new and undeserving families to visit, it's oddly comforting to realize that I'm not the only one in the world, that it may not have been some personal failing that brought tragedy into our lives in the first place.

I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA - Tuesday, March 30, 2010 1:25 AM CDT

Just checking in... Work has kicked off our yearly relay for life campaign. I will keep Zach in my thoughts throughout...
Cousin David
Roswell, GA USA - Sunday, March 28, 2010 12:46 AM CDT

Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts and feelings. I hope it helps you as much as it inspires me.
Madi's Evil Aunty <OneBadAunty@sbcglobal.net>
Riverside, CA - Sunday, March 28, 2010 1:29 AM CDT

Hi Scott, praying for sweet dreams for you.
Lisa Johnson <lisayjohnson@bellsouth.net>
Wellington, FL United States - Wednesday, March 17, 2010 3:36 PM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Friday,
March 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!
Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers

MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWingsRemembers
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
- Tuesday, March 16, 2010 9:01 AM CDT

Thinking and praying for you and Rebecca. Much love being sent your way.
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, wa usa - Sunday, March 7, 2010 10:14 AM CST

I know. I'm sorry.
Cheryl and Angel Haley <cherylvincent4@aol.com>
- Saturday, March 6, 2010 8:30 PM CST

Please know that ^Zachary^ lives on in our thoughts and hearts.

"Our Promise To You"

We may not hit your site each day
and days can turn to weeks...
But know that you are in our hearts
and of you to God we speak.
For you, Dear ones are on our list
of prayers we say each day
For strength to fill your weary heart
for grace to fill your day.
for light to fill your darkest hour
for peace throughout the night
Please know that we are standing by
through each step of your fight.
And should you need a special prayer
please come to us our friend
for Angel Wings will pray with love
and love will never end..

MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWingsRemembers <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
- Saturday, March 6, 2010 6:45 PM CST

Still thinking of and praying for you....
Tanys
WI - Thursday, March 4, 2010 3:43 PM CST

I have read your site for a number of years and said many prayers. I am hoping that you will find peace in the days ahead. God's Blessings...
Dorothy <stitch811@yahoo.com>
Bartley, WV - Thursday, March 4, 2010 11:36 AM CST

Happy Birthday Zach! 16 and driving, yikes. Good thing there are no speed limits in Heaven!!
Stephanie Dixon <stephanie@stephaniedixon.com>
Stuart, Fl USA - Monday, March 1, 2010 4:45 PM CST

Zachary this is for you:

The beauty of love
That lies within
Is a precious seed
Planted by Him
That grows to become
A beautiful rose
Touching lives of others
As it comes and goes.
� By M.S.Lowndes.

I am holding Mom and Dad close in my heart and prayers today. I pray for the Lord's healing touch and comfort to their hearts, minds and souls.

Angel Hugs and Blessings,
Ms. Polly @ AngelWingsRemembers

Ms. Polly @ Angel_WIngs Prayer Warriors
Heart of North America, ND USA - Monday, March 1, 2010 3:57 PM CST

Wishing Zman a Happy 16th Birthday and always thinking of you both :)
JENN
CANADA - Monday, March 1, 2010 9:32 AM CST

Thinking of Zachary always, but especially today. My heart aches for those he left behind. I wish you all peace on Zach's birthday.
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Monday, March 1, 2010 9:04 AM CST

Happy Birthday ^^Zachary^^ I know that birthdays must be very special in Heaven. Please know that you are remembered and missed by so many. I am keeping your family close in prayer today for comfort and peace as I know this day will be difficult for them. Blessings
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
- Monday, March 1, 2010 5:59 AM CST

Nightmares suck! Sorry you are having them Scott. I can't believe Z-Man's birthday is here.....We miss him.
Mathis family <dianemathis9@aol.com>
Hickory, NC - Sunday, February 28, 2010 10:43 PM CST

Just wanted you to know your on my mind and my heart today and everyday.
Happy Birthday Z-man!
we miss you so much !

Audra <grlwndr68@hotmail.com>
stuart, fl usa - Sunday, February 28, 2010 9:17 PM CST

Thinking of you.
Nancy Engels
Appleton, WI United States - Thursday, February 25, 2010 8:15 PM CST

Thinking of you.

Hugs and prayers,
Connie F-G <cdlfg@cox.net>
LaVista, NE - Thursday, February 25, 2010 5:12 PM CST

I'm sorry.
Jessie <jpetersen@tcco.com>
B-Town, WA - Wednesday, February 24, 2010 5:07 PM CST

(((Hugs)))
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Wednesday, February 24, 2010 5:42 AM CST

I saw that post and just heaved a big sigh of despair in your honor! Don't know what else to do...
kimybeee
- Tuesday, February 23, 2010 10:28 PM CST

I wish I could turn the nightmares to sweet dreams for you, thinking of you both always,
nancy irving <bnirving@sympatico.ca>
toronto, ontario canada - Tuesday, February 23, 2010 12:36 AM CST

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you guys.
Natalie (www.caringbridge.org/oh/finnrooney) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Monday, February 22, 2010 11:27 PM CST

Wish I knew what a peaceful nights sleep was...haven't had one since my Rachael died on 3/1/03.
I hope our kids are having a better experience without us. Life without them sure is a hell here on earth.

With understanding, care and love.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Monday, February 22, 2010 8:25 PM CST

I totally agree with you Scott. Nightmares are endless. I lost my husband 2 weeks before your Zachary. Somebody told me until I can let go, The nightmares will continue. Let go? How does one do that? I'll continue to pray for you and Rebecca.
Jackie
WPB, FL 33406 - Monday, February 22, 2010 8:19 AM CST

Thinking about yall every day, and praying that those nightmares will soon turn into dreams with more pleasant memories.
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Monday, February 22, 2010 8:19 AM CST

Thinking of you today. I think about you all the time, I just don't take the time to tell you. How stupid is that? I can't imagine your world without him.......

Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Sunday, February 21, 2010 4:21 PM CST

Wishing you nothing but "Sweet Dreams"!
J. Berg <jbfarms@wiktel.com>
- Monday, February 15, 2010 5:53 PM CST

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Friday,
February 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!
Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers
MJ/Angel Wings and AngelWingsRemembers
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
Lawrence, Ma - Sunday, February 14, 2010 8:32 PM CST

Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.
Mary <miniteasets@mail2world.com>
Worth, IL USA - Friday, February 12, 2010 4:45 PM CST

yeah, it is what it is - and it sucks. Cant even imagine.
Feels pretty crappy to say Happy Birthday to you now, but try to make the best of it and hopefully soon the (too few) memories will overpower these bad ones.
Chris Russo - Goochs mom <chrisrusso_@hotmail.com>
Vernon, CT, - Thursday, February 11, 2010 7:19 AM CST

The docs have a term for propofol-- milk of amnesia.

I hate to start suggesting stuff to people in case you've already received a boatload of suggestions, all of which you've already tried and which have failed but if you've tried these, then just ignore.

Some supplements that might help:
St. John's Wort
5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP)
Melatonin

I'm drug sensitive so I try to avoid prescription stuff but when the 5-HTP and melatonin have failed me, a half of the smallest dose of xanax helps without leaving me feeling drugged, but my problem is different.

This website has some additional information:
http://nightterrors.org

These are articles about the use of lucid dreaming to treat night terrors:
Lucid Dreaming Treatment for Nightmares: A Pilot Study
Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming: Overcoming nightmares
Nightmares : Assessment, theory, and treatment

I wish you well. I believe these will eventually stop, and I pray this happens quickly for you.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Thursday, February 11, 2010 2:17 AM CST

You're right--it is what it is. It's your life--not ours. So don't stay away from updating because you think you're not writing what people want to hear. Be real (as if you'd be anything else!)! I can't even imagine what you guys go through on a daily basis. We're still here reading.
Natalie (www.caringbridge.org/oh/finnrooney) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Monday, February 8, 2010 1:18 PM CST

scott: well, thank you is really not the appropriate term here to use i wouldn't think, but not sure how else to convey my appreciation for you continuing to journal. i am so sorry that you are going through pure HELL and i wish somehow i could make it better for you. i do however, feel like you sharing with all of us helps in someway. i recently was accepted as one of your facebook friends. THANKS. i do keep you and rebecca in my thoughts and prayers and i will continue to do so. i am going to boost up those prayers specifically for your sleep situation. have a good week and take as many bike rides as you can. OH, and by the way, lock the cat out at night. HA!. My kitty would scratch on the door until we let him in.

GREAT BIG (((HUGS)))
from Alabama
Margaret Faulkner <whitehurstmsf@bellsouth.net>
Tuscaloosa, AL USA - Monday, February 8, 2010 9:33 AM CST

wish i had a way to ease your pain but i don't. It just sucks. I can't imagine and i don't want to ever have to go through the battles they you and Rebecca have/had to deal with. all i can to do is say a prayer.
Amanda <amandacox567@msn.com>
hiwassee, va 24347 - Monday, February 8, 2010 7:49 AM CST

The whole situation that you have too deal with is a big suckfest! I guess to quote Forrest Gump "that is all I have to say about that".
kimybeee
- Sunday, February 7, 2010 8:38 PM CST

I went through this when Haley first died, it lasted about two years, and I will still occasionally have one. I went to a therapist who told me that because I pushed my feelings down most of the time (trying to be normal for my kids and everyone else who doesn't understand how LONG this process is) that only when I was sleeping could my mind focus on how horrible this all is.
Anyway, for me, I tried to talk every day to my therapist or my husband, and that, along with the passage of time, has helped.
I also took Ambien during the worst of it....it helped me sleep more, but I still had the nightmares.
I.m sorry you are experiencing this.
Cheryl and Angel Haley <bandcvincent@aol.com>
- Sunday, February 7, 2010 4:07 PM CST

there aren't any words drugs or other synthetic temporary fixes. I am happy you have so many support families even though it still hurts.
Susan F <grammyflutie@bellsouth.net>
jensen beach, FL USA - Sunday, February 7, 2010 10:41 AM CST

You know what, Scott, we want to hear how you're doing. How you're really doing. We don't expect you to try to sugarcoat it. Can't be done.

You are dealing with the worst nightmare a parent can have. You live it consciously during the day, and apparently you live it unconsciously at night.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am sorry that Zachary lost his fight because if anyone deserved to win this war it was him. I'm sorry that time is not the healing balm writers promise it is. I'm just sorry.

And I pray that you both will find some peace, even in the midst of this nightmare. Especially in the midst of this nightmare.

Sue G
- Saturday, February 6, 2010 7:16 PM CST

No words, just know that there are many of us out here that continue to pray for yours and Rebecca's comfort in this agony.
Nancy Engels
Appleton, WI United States - Saturday, February 6, 2010 6:01 PM CST

Sure wish I knew of a way to ease your pain, but i don't, sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
J. Berg <jbfarms@wiktel.com>
- Saturday, February 6, 2010 5:55 PM CST

I'm so sorry Scott. There truly are NO words....I wish there were.
Pat in Antioch <patricia.manning@comcast.net>
Antioch, CA USA - Saturday, February 6, 2010 5:22 PM CST

Hi Scott,

You're right,what can a person say. I've never met Zachary or you or Rebecca, but I can tell you that there's not a week that goes by when I don't think of all of you. Especially over the last month or so when the agony of him dying comes on strong. And I know it's of little consequence, but I admire your tenacity to keep going, to share your personal feelings, as we share along with you.

Thank you for being you.
Scott
Scott
Bellevue, WA - Saturday, February 6, 2010 5:14 PM CST

Have you looked into different ways besides with us to share what you can remember,maybe a shrink. maybe there is something they can do to help. esp if your not liking lossing sleep and such. as i've learned each persons handles things like this different and there is no right and no wrong way. sometimes though finding an effective outlet helps alittle.
beckym <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Saturday, February 6, 2010 5:08 PM CST

If you get a rooster to wake you up, better get a hen so you have fresh eggs for that early morning breakfast!

Hugs and prayers,
Connie F-G <cdlfg@cox.net>
LaVista, NE - Thursday, January 28, 2010 9:22 AM CST

You and these cats! It's hilarious. Even if you don't mean to be. Thanks for keeping us entertained!
Natalie (www.caringbridge.org/oh/finnrooney) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Sunday, January 24, 2010 11:10 PM CST

MY hart and prayers go out to you and your family .i also just stated a Facebook,i'll get it one day My son jorge is seen by DR.MACARTHUR IN FT.MYERS FL WAT A SMALL WROLD !!
KARIN ORTIZ
LEHIGH ACRES,, FL LEE - Saturday, January 23, 2010 11:28 PM CST

what is this i hear about a BMW purchase? 2010 is definitely gonna be a better year {{HUGS}} for you both :)
JENN
- Saturday, January 23, 2010 3:54 PM CST

Good to hear from you, Scott. And I detect a certain familiar "lilt" in your writing that is wonderful to read again. I can only imagine how difficult each day must be for you, but I am grateful that your wonderfully sardonic perspective of the world is gaining strength.
Sue G
- Friday, January 22, 2010 9:40 AM CST

I LOVE that you have a 2nd kitten..you won't regret it. They will play until their heart's content. Our cats are now 8 years old and they do not play often. However, they still wrestl in the middle of the night & keep bumping into the bedroom doors.
I'm not a crazy cat lady or anything, but having 2 kittens is fun. Enjoy
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Thursday, January 21, 2010 2:03 PM CST

Don't remember how I found you caringbridge link but followed your advice & added you as a facebook friend. Your family photo is so POWERFUL!!!!! Childhood Cancer is not an easy journey to live nor follow; I'm so sorry they didn't have the answers for your son. Much love & hugs to you & your family everyday!
Heidi Noj
www.caringbridge.org/visit/bonnienoj
Heidi Noj <teamnoj@yahoo.com>
Kettering, OH USA - Wednesday, January 20, 2010 10:50 PM CST

glad to read the post. can't you just close your bedroom door and let them run around the rest of the house??? or maybe close them in a room. i would say bathroom but be sure to take the toilet paper with you. at least that way you can get some sleep or atleast not have to have your feet attacked.
becky m <me147_me@yahoo.com>
Buffalo, ny - Wednesday, January 20, 2010 6:42 PM CST

I wanted to let you know that you and Rebecca are in my thoughts and prayers today. Not a day goes by that I dont think of Zach and what a funny, caring, and compassionate person he was and how he has affected so many lives. At school I see so many people sharing memories of Zach and celebrating his life that it is clear to me that the memory of him lives on. God bless the two of you, and your crazy cat. -Love, Stephanie
Stephanie Duncan
Jensen Beach, FL - Saturday, January 16, 2010 0:46 AM CST

just wanting to let you know that i'm keeping you in my thoughts
becky m <me147_me@yahoo.com>
BUFFALO, ny - Friday, January 15, 2010 9:01 PM CST

Thinking of you and your amazing Zachary today on his "angelversary". He was and will always be such an inspiration and true hero to the Neuroblastoma community!

www.kidscancercrusade.org
Jennifer Lehmann <jennifer@kidscancercrusade.org>
Fremont, OH - Friday, January 15, 2010 8:58 PM CST

Remembering Zack and hoping lovely memories surround you today.

Hugs, Natalie
Natalie
Calgary, AB Canada - Friday, January 15, 2010 2:51 PM CST

Just to let you know that we remember you today and we remember Zach. One year? Unbelievable. I can still see him in my mind, the warmth of his smile, the sound of his voice, his laughter. He made my life better by being here. He is missed!
Barb Abernathy
POST, - Friday, January 15, 2010 2:25 PM CST

Thinking of you all today on "Zachary's" Angelversary

He is forever in my heart.
God Bless,
Carol/Angel_Wings
Nana to ^^John Eric^^NB
Carol Brothers <carolab7@comcast.net>
Finksburg, Md. USA - Friday, January 15, 2010 2:21 PM CST

I am thinking of all you today on this "Angel Day."

"If we could hold each grain of sand
that sifts through the hour glass of life,
And cherish each one as a diamond rare,
and permit them to reflect their light,
We'd understand that diamonds are priceless,
and sand but worthless dust ...
And how we live each bit of today
reveals our life's brilliance."
~ By Daniel Roberts

Angel Hugs,
Ms. Polly
Miss Maggie The Dog
Miss Free Lance The Cat ^..^
Ms. Polly @ AngelWingsRemembers
The Heart of North America, ND USA - Friday, January 15, 2010 2:11 PM CST

Saying a special prayer for you today! May the Lord wrap His loving arms around you and comfort you as only He can do!
Carla
- Friday, January 15, 2010 8:10 AM CST

Zach was one of the most generous people i have ever met. he would be kind, gracious & even play a joke or 2 on u all the while he was fighting-he had the strength of a true warrior. we can all gain strength from him. learning life's lessons isn't always easy---but with Zach as an inspiration-we can all become stronger. we love you Zach-we miss you-we all want to be like you. live on in our dreams...............
this was a post on Matt's facebook page i wanted to share it with u all-Zachary was so many things to so many people. he touched so many hearts & we all are breathing a collective sigh as surely our hearts are broken. I keep a prayer in my heart for u. Mimi bunny
Barbara Waldron <imb4ubunny@aol.com>
WEST PALM BEACH, fl us of a - Friday, January 15, 2010 6:51 AM CST

Praying for your family this morning on this special day. I can't believe a year has gone by since ^Zachary^ earned his wings. May God continue to minister to your broken hearts. You are so loved.
Tracy/Angel_Wings <maverickmom08@sbcglobal.net>
- Friday, January 15, 2010 4:57 AM CST

I'm keeping you in my heart today, tomorrow and every day.
Jacqueline
Southwestern, CT - Thursday, January 14, 2010 5:16 PM CST

Okay, I had to laugh when I heard this one.....
Southern Alberta, Canada was warmer than central Florida this weekend. What the heck is going on??

hugs to you, Natalie
Natalie
Calgary, AB Canada - Monday, January 11, 2010 4:03 PM CST

Hi Scott and Rebecca,

I am a long time lurker....don't think I've ever signed the guestbook. You have been in my thoughts alot over the last little while. I was in Florida not long ago and thought about you both. Weird eh....a total stranger!! Yes, I am a Canadian and no I don't know Scott Finestone from Canada!! Your writing skills are amazing....keep writing. I know you do it for you but boy oh boy do you have words of wisdom. Many times I've come here looking for comfort because of the chaos in my own world and you gave it to me. So thank you. Amazing isn't it....a man in pain gave a girl in Canada comfort.
So you are a hockey fan eh? Are you sure you aren't related to that Scott in Canada?? I'm a big hockey fan....so let me take this opportunity to congratulate the American Junior team on their gold medal victory last night in Saskatoon, SK, Canada. They beat the Canadians 6-5 in OT. What a game....it was super exciting. Now I'm looking forward to the Olympics! My Dad passed in 2008 and I purchased a star in his memory....when I look up at the night sky I always say....love you Dad....have you made friends with Zach yet? Please be gentle with yourself.....I don't know if the nightmares ever end but they seem to get a little softer or so I tell myself.
Just remember - when you have loved someone your entire life their love surrounds you still.
Know that you are thought of fondly north of the 49th.
hugs, to both of you. Natalie
Natalie <nataliemode@explorersoftware.com>
Calgary, AB Canada - Wednesday, January 6, 2010 5:12 PM CST

Just sent you a friends request.
Jessie P.
B-Town, WA - Tuesday, January 5, 2010 10:02 AM CST

Hoping that you have many friends on facebook. I won't be one of them since we haven't crossed over that bridge and don't have any interest in doing so. I need to meet more people in my own zip code!

Hugs!
Connie F-G
Connie F-G <cdlfg@cox.net>
LaVista, NE - Monday, January 4, 2010 9:43 AM CST

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you!!
John Bachausen <Boxer1984@AOL.com>
Ft Pierce , FL USA - Monday, January 4, 2010 7:14 AM CST

Your going to have a million friends on your face book!! lol
I can wait to read Websters post's. Happy New Decade!

Audra <grlwndr68@hotmail.com>
stuart, fl usa - Sunday, January 3, 2010 5:23 PM CST

Continuing to think of you both and pray! You've officially been facebook "friend requested" by me!!
Sherry Contento <Boberry608@hotmail.com>
Jupiter, FL - Sunday, January 3, 2010 3:15 PM CST

You & Rebecca are always in my thoughts and prayers...may God bless you always.
Debbie
Dent, MN USA - Sunday, December 27, 2009 6:36 PM CST

As always...thinking of you....
Linda Puccio <lcpwp1@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, Fl USA - Sunday, December 27, 2009 6:12 PM CST

Although I keep up with you via this site - I do not sign the guestbook very often. I purchased a copy of your book before Zachary passed - and I treasure it. I continue to pray for you.
Lou Ann Holder <louannholder@yahoo.com>
Forest Park, GA - Saturday, December 26, 2009 8:48 AM CST

Beautiful letter. Thinking of you each day.
Natalie <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Friday, December 25, 2009 3:39 PM CST

Praying for peace for you and keeping you and Zachary in my heart today and always.
Jacqueline
Southwestern, CT - Friday, December 25, 2009 8:05 AM CST

Thinking of you this Christmas and praying that somehow you are coping.

A friend sent me this video and I thought of Zachary:

This guy lives near Los Angeles and he's nuts, this was his Halloween display:

Wishing you the strength to survive the holidays.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Thursday, December 24, 2009 1:54 PM CST

Thinking of Zachary today
karen <kchapin3@bellsouth.net>
Birmingham, AL - Thursday, December 24, 2009 11:18 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca, thinking of you and wishing you peace this holiday season.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Wednesday, December 23, 2009 10:58 AM CST

Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers!
Sharon C <skc1962@gmail.com>
Suwanee, GA - Tuesday, December 22, 2009 5:48 PM CST

Scott and Rebecca,
Praying hard for both of you during these Christmas holidays without Zachary.

Vickie Whicker
GA - Monday, December 21, 2009 5:33 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca-
My heart breaks for the two of you, for myself, and for all of us that rise each morning and "function" as you put it, because we must. I told someone not to long ago that when you lose a child, you function for the rest of the world, and not really for yourself. We are forced to live within a world that is no longer normal for us and will never be again. It is a ruse, to some degree, because underneath the facade lies a pain so deep it is maddening. At any given moment, that pain and longing threatens to rise to the surface and erupt into a sorrow that leaves us incapacitated. At least that is the way for me and I have become the master at pushing it deep, deep down so that I can continue on.

I, too, have the good memories, yet they leave me longing for Cam even more. I truly cannot allow myself to remember the final days . . . only in the moments when I am alone and ready to allow the flood gates to open.

I'm sorry for the constant ache that you and Rebecca carry forward now and for all of us that have walked this path. It is a constant struggle and no reprieve from the heart ache we even endured when we had our children and witnessed their suffering. I wish you both the best and know that even though you might feel alone, there are many out there walking the walk with you.

Love, Michelle
Michelle Cameron
- Saturday, December 19, 2009 12:34 AM CST

Thinking of yall during the holidays, and every day.
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Thursday, December 17, 2009 8:12 AM CST

hoping you find some happiness and cheer this holiday season.
beckym <me147_me@yahoo.com>
Buffalo, ny - Wednesday, December 16, 2009 6:51 PM CST

Thinking of your family as Christmas approaches.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Wednesday, December 16, 2009 11:21 AM CST

Thanks for keeping us updated. I think about your family often and have your book on the shelf above my computer. Happy Holidays.
Terri Grant <route66hello@aol.com>
Carlisle, Ma - Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:10 PM CST

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS
The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Saturday,
December 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!

Happy Holidays to your family from all of us at Angel_Wings!!
Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Tuesday, December 15, 2009 7:16 AM CST

You are my thoughts this Christmas. I hope wonderful memories of times spent with Zachary will help comfort you.
Lisa
Birmingham, AL - Monday, December 14, 2009 2:03 PM CST

Thinking of you as another 15th approaches. Please know that you are in my prayers.
Nancy Engels
Appleton, WI USA - Sunday, December 13, 2009 10:11 AM CST

I just wanted you to know I still think of you, Rebecca, and Zachary often. I miss reading about his antics. I don't know how you find the strength to make it out of bed every day. I guess you do what you have to do, but I hope to god I never find out personally because it sounds like it really sucks!
Monique <smdavis@sccoast.net>
- Saturday, December 12, 2009 6:39 PM CST

Thinking of you both as that very hard anniversary quickly approaches. Please know that you are in my prayers and I think of Zach often. My parents live on Singer Island and I was wondering if I would be able to pay my respects to Zach's grave this month when I am in town. I am not sure exactly where?
Monica <rulonm@hotmail.com>
- Wednesday, December 9, 2009 4:54 PM CST

Scott, your entries since Zachery's passing are so heartfelt. I can almost feel your pain, but don't dare to imagine what you are experiencing at the same time. Please know that you have been a wonderful father and did everything for Zachery. My heart aches for you. I read something about a parent who lost a child to cancer, and she said "I spent his entire illness praying for God to give me his pain and suffering and let him be at peace, and ultimately God did just that." Zachery is at peace.
take care
Mandymcnurse <mandymcnurse@gmail.com>
Bowmanville, Canada - Sunday, December 6, 2009 10:34 PM CST

I still ache; I still can't believe it..so I can't imagine how hard this is for you..I wish I had comforting words to say, but no one does. Just know I (and many, many others) carry Zach in our hearts and always will. Even though I only knew him through your journal, and only for a few years, he was special to me. He was one of a kind. I still come here often just to remember him and see how you're getting along. I wish you peace.
Jacqueline
Southwestern, CT - Monday, November 30, 2009 8:30 PM CST

^HUGS^
The Dobrowski's, David, Judy, Katie, Dana and ^Angel^ Emily Ann <davidd@comporium.net>
Rock Hill, SC www.caringbridge.org/page/emiann - Monday, November 30, 2009 2:07 PM CST

I wish I could take your pain away. All I can say is it does get better. I know. I've been there.

Thinking of you...
Tanys
- Monday, November 30, 2009 12:33 AM CST

Hello Scott and Rebecca,
Stopping by to let you know you are in my thoughts today. I wish there were words that could make things easier for you. Take care.
Nancy
Nancy
New Brighton, MN usa - Sunday, November 29, 2009 11:51 AM CST

Thinking of Zachary today. And Mom and Dad. I won't pretend to say anything that I know not of what I speak, but I do want you to know that I care.
Karen <kchapin3@bellsouth.net>
Birmingham, AL - Sunday, November 29, 2009 0:21 AM CST

I think of you every day. I'm thankful for your honesty and courage.
Jane Snell Copes <jscopes66@hotmail.com>
Inver Grove Heights, MN USA - Thursday, November 26, 2009 12:01 AM CST

Happy Thanksgiving....you are always in my prayers.
Deb H
Dent, mn USA - Thursday, November 26, 2009 8:55 AM CST

happy thanksgiving. hope the crazy cat dont run off with the bird....
beckym <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Wednesday, November 25, 2009 8:23 PM CST

Rebecca and Scott,
Always thinking of you and Zachary....

Linda Puccio <lcpwp1@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, FL USA - Wednesday, November 25, 2009 5:44 PM CST

Wishing you the best Thanksgiving possible...
Monica Rulon <rulonm@hotmail.com>
Flanders, NJ - Wednesday, November 25, 2009 3:13 PM CST

Please know that I am thinking about you during this holday season. I would like to share this special prayer with you.

Dear Father who art in Heaven...
Please join our family on this Thanksgiving day
And bless each one as we sit down to pray
As we remember those who have joined You above
So dearly missed and deeply loved.

Please provide us strength on this Thanksgiving day
Bless us with memories of those faraway...
Please grant patience to family and friends as we grieve
And help us reach out to others who are bereaved.

We give thanks to You on this Thanksgiving day....
For Your presence in our lives each and everyday.
For Your comfort, guidance, and never ending love...
And for taking care of our loved ones...in Heaven above.

As we light this candle on this Thanksgiving day...
And it glows in memory of those in Heaven today....
May their lights always shine down on us and give us light...
And may we feel their presence along with Yours tonight.

May the peace and tranquility of this Thanksgiving day
Be an everlasting light within each of us along the way...
Lets bow our heads and give our Thanks to God above..
For our blessings, whether on earth or in Heaven above...
Amen
Poem graciously submitted by The Jason Program

MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWingsRemembers
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
Gardner, Ma - Wednesday, November 25, 2009 11:27 AM CST

Thinking of you, praying for you and wishing you a peaceful Thanksgiving.
Mary <miniteasets@mail2world.com>
Worth, IL USA - Wednesday, November 25, 2009 10:42 AM CST

((HUGS))
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Tuesday, November 24, 2009 6:57 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca- I am giving you both a big HUG right now via cyberspace.
Diane Mathis
Hickory, NC - Thursday, November 19, 2009 9:54 PM CST

I don't know how people (you) do it either. How you keep breathing, how the world keeps spinning, how things just go on despite the incompleteness. You and Rebecca are so brave. Thinking of you.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Wednesday, November 18, 2009 9:38 PM CST

I've followed your journey with Zachary's illness for years. I've commented before but every time I read your journals it describes exactly how I feel about my loss although my loss of a child was not the result of disease. The finality of death, especially the death of a child, is almost impossible to get your head around.

The thing I tell people about how helpless you feel is that every other situation in your life you can resolve on your own, if you lose your job you find another one, if you break up with your g/f when you're 16, you eventually move on, realize she wasn't the one and meet someone better. When a child dies, there is nothing you (or anyone else) can do to make it better. It's such a horrible feeling of helplessness. It's been 1 1/2 years and I still feel overwhelmed if I think about spending the rest of my life without him. I still ask "how can this be?" and "How do people live through this?"

I think of you (a total stranger) often and I hope you and I both as well as Rebecca can find peace somehow.
Amy S.
Birmingham, AL - Wednesday, November 18, 2009 9:08 PM CST

I'm so sorry.
Tammy Holston <tholston3588@att.net>
B'ham, al - Tuesday, November 17, 2009 7:02 AM CST

I was with rebecca when she had him or soon after and I just cant believe it and Im so glad she found me after all these years im just very sad right now
Kelly Nottingham Cadenhead
Vero Beach, FL - Tuesday, November 17, 2009 0:30 AM CST

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I don't know how you feel BUT my thoughts are with you. I am so sorry, I started reading your site about 3 months before he passed, and every time I read it breaks my heart.
Janet <dunktrans@aol.com>
Williamston, SC - Monday, November 16, 2009 3:23 PM CST

My prayers and sympathy for you Scott. Although you will forever have a sad heart after losing your boy, I hope as time goes on, the intensity of it lessens and life becomes easier for you.
Kathy <kolson@tznet.com>
Wisconsin - Monday, November 16, 2009 3:09 PM CST

As always you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Michelle
Robbinsdale, MN - Monday, November 16, 2009 7:27 AM CST

Keeping you all in my prayers Scott. So very, very sorry for your loss.
Sharon, Angels in Atlanta <skc1962@gmail.com www.angelsinatlanta.org>
Suwanee, GA - Monday, November 16, 2009 7:23 AM CST

Hard to believe it has been that long. My heart hurts for both of you.
Susan Foster <CLF8987@aol.com>
Troy, MO USA - Monday, November 16, 2009 0:01 AM CST

you remain in my thoughts. Can't imagine how hard it is to put one foot in front of the other.
Lisa
- Sunday, November 15, 2009 10:23 PM CST

Scott,
Thank you for continuing to update the website. I check it often and continue to pray for Rebecca and you.
Yes..cancer sucks.
Vickie
McDonough, Ga - Sunday, November 15, 2009 8:49 PM CST

Ditto, 11/17 7yrs since we lost Robert, 11/30 7yrs since we lost our Seth....cancer sucks
Ruthie Bunkelmann , Seth's mommy <Rbunkmann@msn.com>
North Palm Beach , fl usa - Sunday, November 15, 2009 6:48 PM CST

The nightmares are the worst. Why can I hear and see the medical staff telling us the worst, but I can't see or hear the child I love more than my life? Somehow, I've been living this nightmare since 2003...don't know how I am able to survive. Wish I had words of wisdom.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Sunday, November 15, 2009 6:12 AM CST

thank you for updating. I know when we don't hear from you it is because you are just trying to get through your life. But there are many of us who care about your family and have for a long time. So I want you to know that we pray for you. I know you and Rebecca are really do the best you can. And that's all you can ask of yourself. I pray that the good times will one day illuminate your heart and mind so much that the bad times grow dimmer in your memory.
Sue G (www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther)
- Saturday, November 14, 2009 11:35 PM CST

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS
The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Thursday,
November 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors

AngelWingsRemembers

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34

Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Saturday, November 14, 2009 4:05 PM CST

The lurkers are starved for a Finestone update!
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Thursday, November 12, 2009 10:16 PM CST

I WAS going to call you "crankypants" until I read the part about the night mares, reminding me of my own ever present bad dreams.
You have every right to be a little grouchy. I once screamed at some poor lady for cutting me off, threatening to beat her with a baseball bat (luckily my windows were rolled up) I knew I wasn't really mad at her...just mad at the crappy deal we got.
I hope you get a few peaceful nights soon.
Cheryl and Angel Haley <bandcvincent@aol.com>
- Saturday, November 7, 2009 6:04 PM CST

It is nearly impossible for me to imagine a better place for any child than with their parents. And although the children may be in a better place, their parents never are.

And it's pointless to search for the "right" words to offer to the bereaved because there aren't any.

The words aren't important for the people who really care, they offer their love and support and the language of love encompasses far more than words.

I am humbled by the journey you are traveling and the road in front of you.

Sending love and prayers.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Saturday, November 7, 2009 1:09 AM CST

YOU'RE ALL IN MY PRAYERS. I LOVED THE UPDATE. I VISITED PENSACOLA IN AUGUST. THEY DO U- TURNS THERE, NOT ALLOWED IN KY. U SHOULD CONSIDER WRITING A BOOK. CANCER DOES SUCK.
SAMMY JAMES <sam_jam39@hotmail.com>
FLATWOODS, KY USA - Friday, November 6, 2009 10:54 PM CST

I always hated the one "he's in a better place"..really??? I know he was happy here with us....a BETTER place is here with us....it will be 7 yrs 11/30....it still sucks and hurts like hell
Ruthie Bunkelmann , Seth's mommy <Rbunkmann@msn.com>
North Palm Beach , Fl USA - Friday, November 6, 2009 5:02 AM CST

It sucks today, it will suck tomorrow and it will SUCK... INFINITY! Love the post, give em' hell Scott!
Chanda (Angel Jake's Mom)
- Thursday, November 5, 2009 9:50 PM CST

I don't know how the suckiness ever goes away. Without that magic wand, that is. Thinking of you each day.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Thursday, November 5, 2009 1:50 PM CST

Thinking of Zachary....
Shirley
NY, NY - Thursday, November 5, 2009 9:20 AM CST

Well I am glad the snow birds are driving you crazy...I am from a small town in Minnesota....all the snow birds think Main Street is a 4 lane highway....it is not!!! drives me nuts.

Always in my thoughts and prayers
Deb
Dent, MN us - Saturday, October 31, 2009 4:40 PM CDT

HEY SCOTT ITS EDWIN TORRES I JUST WANTED TO TO TELL U I MISS U GUYS AND IT STILL HURTS ME TO THAT ZACHARY IS GONE. IM SORRY I HAVENT CALLED U GUYS... I lOVE U GUYS AND U WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY PRAYERS.
EDWIN TORRES JR <CITOWEEDO31@YAHOO.COM >
STUART , FL USA - Saturday, October 31, 2009 10:06 AM CDT

yes cancer sucks!!! and now i am ashamed to be a nothern...wwhhhaaa. but unlike those yucky ppl i do walk that extra 2 feet or put it in my pocket. i live in upstate ny. i remember visiting Chicago and i had finished a banana and walked out of my way to the garbage can and the garbage guys happened to be pulling up, the way they reacted you'd thought i threw money in that can they were so happy someone took the time to put their trash in the trash. but its ok sometimes bashing makes things feel a little better for a moment.
beckym <me147_me@yahoo.com>
amherst, ny - Friday, October 30, 2009 7:53 PM CDT

Scott and Rebecca,
My heart is with you. I wish so much there was something I could say. But there are no words big enough. Cancer DOES suck. REALLY sucks. And when it's your child - it is different. Just know there are lots of us carrying you in our hearts. Take Care,
Nancy

OH, and yeah, I live in the north...it sure is nice when all those folks go south for the winter and we can get back to driving normal again!! Just kidding!
Nancy <nboryczka@Msn.com>
New Brighton, mn usa - Friday, October 30, 2009 4:43 PM CDT

Ditto - Cancer SUCKS. We miss Zach, we miss his laugh, we miss his mischeviousness (is that a word?), we miss him! I am not going to sit here and pretend that I know what you and Rebecca are going through because I don't. Just know we are here for you. If you want to get out of town for a few days, come on up! Change of scenery might be nice for a few days.
Diane
Hickory, NC - Friday, October 30, 2009 4:27 PM CDT

I think of the three of you often and will continue to do so. Thanks for your honesty.
Linnae
Minneapolis, MN - Friday, October 30, 2009 4:10 PM CDT

You know, I was going to get all huffy about your description of the Northerners.. but then, I went out today. Hardly anyone was using their blinkers, there was a pile of McDonalds trash in the parking space.. I could go on, but I won't!!! I live north of Albany NY, and am a transplanted South Carolinian.. Don't exactly remember people 'down home' being perfect drivers, either. Just take that money, say ''thank y'all'' and smile. They'll go home soon!!

I don't know what to say to you except that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I continue to lurk and wish that I had a way to ease your pain.. I don't. But I will never forget Zachary and his stories.. so you keep him alive in that way. You and Rebecca are thought about often.

Thanks for writing, even though you were awfully grumpy about my new home -- the nawth, or YANKEELAND as my family calls it!!
Rosemary
- Friday, October 30, 2009 3:32 PM CDT

I'm sorry. I wish there were words that could help..I would use them all. Cancer really SUCKS.
Darlene <darlenedray@hotmail.com>
Peterborough, Canada - Friday, October 30, 2009 1:31 PM CDT

It was nice to read an update, but am hearbroken over your nightmare situation (in real life & sleeping)... really wish there was a cure for all of it.

In my Northerner defense, it was us who almost got run over by Floridian drivers this summer.... :) Who knew a trip to Daytona Beach could be that dangerous.
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Friday, October 30, 2009 10:00 AM CDT

My heart goes out to you in your pain.
Susan Foster <CLF8987@aol.com>
Troy, MO USA - Friday, October 30, 2009 9:18 AM CDT

Just wanted you to know that I am still out here, still lurking and waiting for updates. See I am from Minnesota (yeah, "up north") and we are known for our "MN Nice" attitudes. I also live in a city that is known as "Friendly Fridley" so rest assured that on my way to work - you never hear me cussing at the drivers who don't use their blinkers, cut me off because they are in some hurry or almost side-swipe me because they are on the phone and not paying attention to the road. Nope, that nevers happens here... Yeah Right! Sorry you have to deal with us down there too...
Heidi <grrkaliher@yahoo.com>
Fridley, MN - Friday, October 30, 2009 9:09 AM CDT

Hey there all. It's true. Cancer does SUCK. I wish everyone that has ben affected by it would shout out at the top of their voices at the same time then maybe some one who could make a difference with research or other powers would listen.

Sending as always and for always Love Hugs and a Million Prayers.
Dale angel wings <naron810@yahoo.com>
Japan - Friday, October 30, 2009 1:59 AM CDT

Always in my thoughts...
Linda Puccio <lcpwp1@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, Fl USA - Thursday, October 29, 2009 4:38 PM CDT

Thanks for the update. I laughed and cried. I have no words of comfort for you that you haven't heard before, but I do think about your family often. Hang in there and I will continue to lurk.
j berg <jbfarms@wiktel.com>
- Thursday, October 29, 2009 10:04 AM CDT

Missing your words...they often echo my feelings, but with much more eloquence.
I hope you find the energy to write again. I know too well how painful the loss of your only child is, and always will be. Too few people understand that this grief is never ending. At times it can be buffered by communication with people who understand.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Wednesday, October 28, 2009 8:22 PM CDT

Praying for and thinking of you today............
Dianna in Louisiana
- Wednesday, October 28, 2009 1:29 PM CDT

Long time lurker - I was thinking of you today and thought I'd sign in. Continued prayers for strength, courage, and peace.
Vicki <vjlsoccer@hotmail.com>
Atlanta, GA - Monday, October 26, 2009 4:43 PM CDT

Thinking about you..
Rosemary
- Monday, October 26, 2009 7:19 AM CDT

Missing your words..
audra <grlwndr68@hotmail.com>
- Friday, October 23, 2009 12:00 AM CDT

Thanks for the great entry... I know those feeling 8 years later and not a day goes by that it gets easier. This time of the year is definately the worst for me. I think of you two often and stop by daily. I think I am really drawn to the two of your caringbridge site because of the fact that we both lost our only child... I use to say the pain does ease but the heartache never goes away but I do not know if I can even say that anymore... I try to hold on to the saying "God does things for a reason, we just do not know what they are right now... I am going to follow in the two of your footsteps and I am currently studying for my motorcycle license... LOLLLLLLL
Deneen Gethouas <dgethouas@state.pa.us>
Enola, PA USA - Wednesday, October 21, 2009 9:36 AM CDT

Rebecca and Scott, still think of you often and check in when I can. You are in my prayers, as always.

Linda
CarePage: dalescancerpage
Linda Resinger
Farmington, MO - Tuesday, October 20, 2009 0:52 AM CDT

Just wanted to say hi and let you know we are thinking about you.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/quiltsofhope
Jaime <aquiltofhope@aol.com>
Largo, FL - Monday, October 19, 2009 2:30 PM CDT

Just stopping by to let you know I'm thinking of you.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Sunday, October 18, 2009 7:59 AM CDT

Just stopping by and de-lurking to tell you that you are in my thoughts..
Rosemary
- Thursday, October 15, 2009 7:51 AM CDT

Just checking in. Your family continues to be in my thoughts.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Wednesday, October 14, 2009 10:22 AM CDT

To All Prayer Warriors

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings are holding a Prayer Vigil on Monday, October 19th between 8-9 pm EST for all of the families on our Angel Wings Prayer Lists and our Angel families of children, teens and adults who have gained their angel wings.

Please Join Us

MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWingsRemembers

Angel_Wings
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
Gardner, Ma - Wednesday, October 14, 2009 9:15 AM CDT

Thinking of you both today!

Kandi
SMITHS GROVE, KY usa - Tuesday, October 13, 2009 10:43 AM CDT

Scott and Rebecca,
I know your hurting. You probably receive the same Hospice letters that I do telling me what I should be expecting at this time. I read them through my tears and cannot believe how accurate they are on this greiving process.
Some days I cannot even get out of bed. As a matter of fact I can go 4 or 5 days without getting out of bed, eating, drinking or watching T.V.
It's been almost 9 months for me since I lost my husband and the word BITTER is written on my forehead.
I have tried counseling, anti-depressants, you name it. Nothing works but time. Time and memories.
I also find that talking about my husband helps me to keep him here with me.
We miss your journaling. Come back to us. We listen, we understand, we care.
Always thinking of you both.
Jackie
WPB, FL - Friday, October 9, 2009 7:32 AM CDT

I've been thinking about your boy a lot lately. What an amazing young man. I cannot even fathom the pain & sadness you feel without him. Please know that we speak of him often & watch the video of Sineads dog chasing him on Halloween when we can, he was and always will be very special to us - I keep a photo of Zachary and Kade on our refrigerator. Zachary may be gone but he will never be forgotten by the Mcknight family.
Colette <Colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Psl, Fl USA - Friday, October 9, 2009 5:40 AM CDT

Just checking in and wanted to say hello.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Tuesday, October 6, 2009 10:12 PM CDT

Thinking of you...

We lost our first son 20 years ago and I STILL find myself crying at times - just out of the blue! Just a thought or a memory can trigger it.

And, yes, we have run into those who think we should be "over it" by now. Yeah. You try it. But I wouldn't want to wish that pain on ANYBODY.

It DOES get better. I think of our son, Alex, every single day, but the hurting pain is no longer there - just the missing him (which, in my mind, is two different things). I always wonder what kind of man he would be. Well, of course, he would be handsome and smart...

Sorry for rambling - just wanted you to know that we've been there and are thinking of you.

Sincerely,

Tanys
- Tuesday, October 6, 2009 3:14 PM CDT

Remarkably time will soften the pain and strengthen the wonderful memories you have of Zach. He died much too soon, but what . . . what if he'd never been born?
Stuart Davis <charliestuart29@yahoo.com>
Jensen Beach, FL USA - Thursday, October 1, 2009 10:08 AM CDT

Still praying for you and Rebecca. All of our love and prayers and thoughts to you. My family suffered a very devastating, sudden, and somewhat violent death over the summer and I think I finally know grief. Your right, it does suck.
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Tuesday, September 29, 2009 11:37 PM CDT

Everyone should face it, you may never get over it. But, that's Ok, everyone deals with grief differently. Thinking of you both and praying for the strength you will need when the grief is hard to handle.
Teressa Dixon
NC - Friday, September 25, 2009 9:23 AM CDT

Thought about you tonight and read the post... We pray that you will both be granted a time when the rawness of this pain can subside. God bless you as you work through each day to find your happiness.
Mary Kay & Todd Willson
Lake Worth, FL United States - Wednesday, September 23, 2009 0:25 AM CDT

(HUGS)
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Tuesday, September 22, 2009 3:35 PM CDT

I saw this and thought of you both

My biggest fear was to lose my son,
now I�ve lost him my fear has gone.
There�s nothing left for me to fear,
I�ve lost the one I held so dear.
The worst is over, the horror is past,
The thing I feared most has happened at last,
No more do I worry, no more do I care,
nothing can hurt when a heart isn�t there.
I�ve been through hell and survived somehow,
nothing else can touch me now,
there�s nothing to fear of life to come,
I lost it all when I lost my son

Barbara Colello <barbara.colello@pseg.com>
Paramus, NJ USA - Tuesday, September 22, 2009 12:29 AM CDT

Thinking of you guys.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Tuesday, September 22, 2009 11:42 AM CDT

I can't imagine anyone expecting you to "get over it". As if that's going to happen! I seriously don't know how you pull yourselves out of bed every day, I am in awe of you. I hope those people don't have kids. As a mother, I can't imagine ever getting over the death of any of my babies, much less if it was my only one. (((HUGS)))
Monique <smdavis@sccoast.net>
- Monday, September 21, 2009 11:44 PM CDT

Some people think that "better" means forgeting or no longer talking about Zach, his fight to live and ultimatly his death. I think "better" means simply being able to talk about all of those things while still finding a way to move forward with the rest of your life. You're doing great under the circumstances and you and Rebecca have my support for as long as it takes to get from bitter to better.
Cousing David
Roswell, GA USA - Sunday, September 20, 2009 12:00 AM CDT

People definitely have low tolerance. Many of my close friends let me know in many ways that I should be "over" Finn's cancer by now, which I'm not, so I can't even imagine how you feel. Take the time that's right for you, even if it's infinity.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Friday, September 18, 2009 0:15 AM CDT

Sorry for "spamming" you, but you've managed to hit on a topic near and dear to my heart at this moment.

I wanted to share two more links with you. The first is an article that was published about 6 months after the World Trade Center collapsed in the San Francisco Chronicle, brief and well-written and on the topic of grief:
The Myth of Managing Grief

The second was published in Feb 07 as the back page article in Newsweek:
Dear Junk Mailers: Leave My Son Alone

My favorite part of the second article is the part where it turns out the husband and the wife are doing exactly the same thing in the mistaken notion that each is protecting the other from extra pain.

I really believe you've got a book to write on this particular topic and that the writing of it could be something really positive and helpful to others.

Once again, love to both of you and I'll shut up now.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Thursday, September 17, 2009 8:19 PM CDT

I was thinking the exact same thing as a previous commenter, that perhaps another book is in order.

Did you know there's a Dummies book for grief?
Grieving for Dummies

Funny in a sad way.

I am in the process of trying to craft a eulogy for a family I am very close to who has a child who is very very near to death. It just so happens that this child is the only child we know who has pretty much exactly the same rare tumor as my son, was diagnosed at the same time, and had the same treatment after consulting us for advice.

The parents won't be speaking at the service. I'm not sure how I'll be able to do this and I'm going through my own processes of grief right now. I thought that many of the ghosts of my niece's death from brain cancer in 1996 were past, but going through this with our friends has brought back memories of things that have been buried for over a decade now.

I don't usually have a problem writing but this is different, far and away the most difficult thing I've ever written.

So I went looking for help on the internet and was more or less surprised to find that there are a host of spammy sites that sell pre-written eulogies like this one:
http://eulogyspeeches.com
http://lovingeulogies.com

Then there's this Personalized Eulogy Order Form.

I think perhaps that the world actually could use a book on grieving a child from the unique and occasionally humorous perspective of Scott Finestone. You could design a supplemental website with a "Personalized Grief Plan" where the person fills in the blanks and gives you their credit card and you send them a paper on how to move through grief depending on their sex, religion, whether or not they have other kids, etc.

Another of my best friends lost her son to a brain tumor a little over a year ago and literally the only thing that got her going and out of the house again was craigslist.

I believe that the process of writing such a book might at least help you to sort through your own feelings.

At the end of the day, the pain will still be there. I'm not sure it ever goes away, but we learn to accept it and for at least brief periods of time to bury it.

And there's always the possibility that senility will set in and then, maybe you will be able to really forget at least some of it.

Love to both of you.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Thursday, September 17, 2009 7:50 PM CDT

HUGS
Tamara
CS, CO USA - Thursday, September 17, 2009 7:12 PM CDT

Ditto
Ruthie Bunkelmann , Seth's mommy <Rbunkmann@msn.com>
North Palm Beach , Fl USA - Thursday, September 17, 2009 4:46 AM CDT

Your pain is totally understandable. Sometimes owning our pain is what keeps us sane if that makes any sense. You are both on my mind and in my prayers, and yes I really do pray for your hearts to heal from the pain and for a cure for the horrible beast that took your son from you.

I do think another book is in order when you are up to it. That doesnt mean to get over it and get us another book, it means we arent ready to let go either and would love to have another treasure to remember him by. For anyone to think you will ever get over his struggle and passing and the missing him, is absurd.
Susan Foster <CLF8987@aol.com>
Troy, MO USA - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 10:48 PM CDT

I have to admit to you that my life's biggest fear, is NOT me dying- It is the fear of them dying. What will I do when or if it happens. I cried or you tonight, for a very long time. It doesn't seem fair that two wonderful people are left behind to fumble through the messy images and grief. I have no idea how to cope with a death of a child- I can only say, you and yours are doing a tremendous job. I applaud you for your character and integrity, Both are shown here, as you continue to write, and we continue to read, and we all continue to hope. God Bless You.
Tammy Wike <tsoleil1@aol.com>
Virginia Beach, VA USA - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 10:08 PM CDT

I can't believe it's already been 8 months, but for you guys it probably seems like 8 years. I'm so sorry that you both have to wake up every morning to the realization that it is real and not a bad dream.
And thanks for letting us know what's going on in your mind...so we can better keep you guys in our prayers.
I know you probably never feel like it (in fact you probably have to FORCE yourself), but getting on here and blogging away and letting out your feelings might be theraputic.
Or what about another book? You have enough material in your journal to keep legions of people entertained (and rolling on the floor in laughter) with Zachary's antics. And wouldn't remembering all those hilarious situations help to change a little of that pain into happy memories?
I know nothing about this can be easy, but my heart aches for you guys and I just thought I'd suggest a few things.
Never a day goes by that I don't think of you and remember Zachary.
God Bless

Shayne
West Richland, WA 99353 - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 5:38 PM CDT

Wishing you strength for each day. Just wanted to send my love and support....what could be harder than losing a child? Those who wish you guys were "over it" are pretty clueless, I believe. You and Rebecca know more about love and family than those pitiful folks.
Shirley
NY, NY - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 3:11 PM CDT

Go easy on yourself, eight months is still the infancy of your pain.

Letting you know we still check in and care.

Barb
Nazareth, pa usa - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 1:24 PM CDT

Thinking of you even though I know that doesn't help you any.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 11:25 AM CDT

((((Hugs))))
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, ny - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 11:22 AM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Saturday,
September 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWingsRemembers
MJ/Angel_Wings <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
Gardner , Ma - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 10:14 AM CDT

It's seven months since we lost our son and I agree whole-hearted with you. Stephen was 7yrs, he is missed very much. Zachary sounded like a fine young man. Elaine
Elaine Van Boxmeer <epvanboxmeer5@yahoo.ca>
London, Ontario Canada - Tuesday, September 15, 2009 9:49 PM CDT

Think of you two often... As a parent that has been down this horrible road.. The nightmares will definately go away I promise. I had them too for almost a year and a half but the eventually subside and then the good dreams arrive... My bad ones were always of her falling and me holding her hand and her hand slipping out of mine and that dreadful day I found her. Her birthday is next month and I already started the day she passed thoughts.
Deneen Gethouas <dgethouas@comcast.net>
Enola, PA USA - Monday, September 14, 2009 9:51 AM CDT

I had to laugh at Rebecca dragging out the story. We ladies have that down to an art form! Still thinking of you all. . .
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Monday, September 14, 2009 1:01 AM CDT

i am here guy man keep ok
mama <mama@maga.com>
accra , ghana ghana - Friday, September 11, 2009 5:45 AM CDT

Hang in there. You two are in my prayers.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Thursday, September 10, 2009 3:51 PM CDT

Thanks for the update. I check on you guys each day to see if you have any news for us. Good to hear you're still enjoying your motorcycle. Be safe and enjoy your rides together. May God continue to bless you and yours.
C Hendrix
W Monroe, LA - Wednesday, September 9, 2009 9:48 PM CDT

~delurking~ I appreciate the update. I have followed this site for years. Your family is still in my prayers and will remain there.

Terri
Terri Cook
Marina, CA USA - Wednesday, September 9, 2009 5:25 PM CDT

Thank you for updating. Still checking on you and keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Jessie P.
B-Town, WA - Wednesday, September 9, 2009 10:02 AM CDT

I am so glad you gave us an update. I understand that it must be so difficult to come here and see it all in black and white whether you want to or not. Must be kind of what those dreams are...no choice in the matter at all. I am so sorry to hear about Rebecca being in the middle of a flare up and that life is difficult right now.

You know everytime I write in the guestbook it feels so trite but I never really know what to say except sorry and I miss hearing from you but understand.

signed~ at a loss for the right words and if someone knows what those words are please let me know.
Monica Rulon <rulonm@hotmail.com>
Flanders, NJ - Monday, September 7, 2009 11:26 AM CDT

There is only one solution to the Facebook fiasco-- you and Rebecca need your own Facebook accounts, and you need to declare yourselves to the Facebook world as "married".
But please follow proper Facebook etiquette, or you may end up like these unfortunate folks:

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Monday, September 7, 2009 1:07 AM CDT

It amuses me to think that while you were mistakenly sending out Rebecca's Facebook link to everyone in your address book (yikes), you did not include yourself in that. Then you would be able to keep up with what's been going on in Rebecca's life (ha ha).

Good to hear from you. Sorry to hear you are still having nightmares, and praying that you will find peace soon. It can't be easy to relive the horror of the worst day of your life...over and over again.

Lots of prayers and good thoughts going out to you both tonight.

Sue G (www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther)
- Saturday, September 5, 2009 10:41 PM CDT

Just checking in, hoping for a new update. I read about Rebecca on Facebook, but always wonder how you are doing, Scott. Miss your acerbic views on life and, mostly, the people in it.

Always hoping for the best for you both.

Sue G (www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther)
- Saturday, September 5, 2009 1:33 AM CDT

I am starving for a Finestone update!
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Friday, September 4, 2009 9:04 AM CDT

Another angel takes flight.

My deepest, most sincere sympathy and condolences to each and every one of you!! Zachary was a fighter; there is no doubt about that! He is now pain free, free to fly in the Heavens and watch over all of you!
We lost our precious Pam on Oct. 7, 2003, so I know what you are going through. There are no words that can ease the pain.

The worst thing that can happen to a parent is to lose a child. It feels like someone ripped your heart out. You go from the unbelievable to the unbearable.

Zachary is in a good place now and I'm sure Pam is with him. She just loved children so much.

I would just like to share a saying that was on the card my wife Diane picked out, and we bought for Pam:

If you were a star
That wasn�t expected back
In the universe
For a thousand years,
I�d wait.

If you were the sky
And everyone went inside
When you got sad
And started to rain,
I�d stay.

And if you were a peach
And the world decided to get rid of all peaches,
I�d pick you up,
Put you in my pocket�

AND KEEP YOU��..FOREVER.

I would also like to share, with you and your family, a poem that was put on Pam�s website:
God's Garden

God looked around His garden
And found an empty place
He then looked down upon the earth
And saw your tired face

He put His arms around you
And lifted you to rest
God's garden must be beautiful,
He always takes the best

He knew that you were suffering
He knew you were in pain,
He knew that you would never
Get well on earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough
And the hills were hard to climb
So He closed your weary eyelids,
And whispered "Peace Be Thine."

It breaks our hearts to lose you
But you didn't go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.

Below is a poem that we have on a plaque dedicated to Pam:

The Broken Chain

We little knew that morning that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly, in death
we do the same� It broke our
hearts to lose you, you did not go
alone; for part of us went with you,
the day God called you home� You
left us peaceful memories, your love
is still our guide, and though we
cannot see you, you are always at our
side� Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same;
but as God calls us one by one,
The Chain will link again.

You are all in our prayers. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Frank father of Angel Pam ( www.caringbridge.org/ny/pamostrowski ) <frank.muratori@nyct.com>
Syosset, NY USA - Wednesday, August 26, 2009 12:52 AM CDT

The quilt is beautiful. What a good idea! I just wanted to check in on you and Rebecca. I don't get a lot of computer time now that the hubby has had a reoccurance and is on chemo now. We travel to north of Chicago from south of St. Louis once a month for a week of chemo. He has had about the same reaction you had about the prep for the colonoscopy. Of course, we're at the hotel when he has to do the prep. We go up a day early so we won't be on the road while he's doing his drinking!! There are rest areas along the interstate, but with our luck, he'd need one right after we'd passed it!

It's great to hear that you and Rebecca are doing well. I think of you often and will check in when I can. Take care.

Love, hugs and ladybugs,
Linda R.
Visit Us Here
Linda Resinger
Farmington, Mo - Saturday, August 22, 2009 7:31 PM CDT

Hey Scott and Rebecca- What a nice quilt! Scott, I love how you can make a colonoscopy prep so interesting to read :) Rebecca - glad the surgery went ok. Thinking of you guys......
Diane Mathis
Hickory, NC - Wednesday, August 19, 2009 1:11 PM CDT

Just stopping by to let yall know I'm thinking of you! I love the quilt! It's AWESOME! Hope you are both doing well (oops- and Toby too!) You remain in my prayers. Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Tuesday, August 18, 2009 1:00 PM CDT

Awesome quilt!
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Sunday, August 16, 2009 12:38 AM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Wednesday,
August 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Angel_Wings

Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Sunday, August 16, 2009 8:36 AM CDT

Thanks for the laugh... Bonnie has been trying to put off her inspection. I am sure your posting will help move her to action...
Lake Norris Casinova (AKA Co-chip leader)
Roswell, GA USA - Thursday, August 13, 2009 7:43 PM CDT

The lurkers need an update!
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Thursday, August 13, 2009 5:30 PM CDT

As a quilter myself --- Love the quilt!

Tanys
- Wednesday, August 12, 2009 3:50 PM CDT

The quilt is amazing..What a treasure!
Jacqueliine <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Wednesday, August 12, 2009 3:15 PM CDT

Scott,
I still enjoy reading your updates, so keep 'em coming. You still have many faithful lurkers that come here to read your funny entries. I know I wish I had something helpful to say but perhaps just knowing we are still here helps in a small way.
I've been putting off that procedure too, but gosh darn it, your description really makes me want to schedule it immediately.... NOT!
Sherri Ross <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Monday, August 10, 2009 10:06 AM CDT

Hi Scott and Rebecca: Thanks for the update. I too had the Moviprep before a barium enema and they again for a colonoscopy. Wow, it sure moves through you fast and keeps you running, and I mean running, to the bathroom!
Brenda <wduffy6633@aol.com>
Boca Raton, FL - Saturday, August 8, 2009 2:52 PM CDT

You are braver than I, a colonoscopy was recommended for me last September and I have yet to pick up the phone.

I LOVE the quilt idea, I have other friends that did something similar with their children's clothing, favorite shirt, whatever.

One woman I know actually found someone to sew fabric pieces from their child's clothes into a patchwork cover that they then used to cover a chair.

Your family remains in my prayers.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Thursday, August 6, 2009 3:39 PM CDT

Glad to see the humor is still there...also...thanks for not posting pictures!!!:)
Linda Puccio <lcpwp1@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, Fl USA - Wednesday, August 5, 2009 7:21 PM CDT

I have been terrified at the thought of having a colonoscopy. Thanks for making it sound so fun and exciting NOT...LOL The quilt is beautiful and oh so very Zach. I know I never met him but I really miss him.
Monica Rulon <rulonm@hotmail.com>
Flanders, NJ United States - Wednesday, August 5, 2009 6:42 PM CDT

What a terrific idea with the quilt. After losing our child you hear of different things parents have done and you think I wish I would have done that. No when the times are tough for you and Rebecca. You can snuggle up to it for comfort... I have Tiffanie pillow she had as a baby for that. She insisted, I mean was adament about it for months. That I keep it and not stick it in her casket to help me through the tough times. Her words not mine.. Although I do not write often I check your page daily....
Deneen Gethouas <dgethouas@comcast.net>
Enola, PA USA - Wednesday, August 5, 2009 12:33 AM CDT

I'm just going to say that although my heart aches for you, and I don't forget the reason you are writing, you are a damn good writer and I love reading your entries. You had me laughing out loud with this one.
Pam Tuey <PTuey24680@aol.com>
Redlands, CA USA - Tuesday, August 4, 2009 6:45 PM CDT

absolutely amazing quilt, what a beautiful memory to have hug you when you need the closeness and warmth of zachary. so glad to hear the rebecca is healing nicely and sorry about the colonoscopy, yechhhhh, i hate that stuff too, just barely get it down, and, there it goes. glad it's over for now. take care, thinking of you both, with love,
nancy irving <bnirving@sympatico.ca>
toronto, ontario canada - Tuesday, August 4, 2009 12:01 AM CDT

Hey There! I LOVE the quilt... Are you guys going to allow yourselves to snuggle up with it, or is it just to look at?
And I have to admit I LOVED your journal entry, too. I can totally relate to the whole drinking/gagging experience and I highly suggest the pills for next time! It is so much easier than anything else you can possibly do, and it works just as well (better actually - because I was just vomiting the other stuff up, so it didn't work very well at all).
And thanks so much for all the details...I had forgotten how blunt you could be, and it was a lot of fun to experience in my mind while you described it. It was great to have you back! I hope interesting things continue to happen to you guys, so you will have wonderful things to update us lurkers with...
Thanks again!
Shayne <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Monday, August 3, 2009 5:24 PM CDT

The quilt is AMAZING!!! I hope all else is well. The JBHS JROTC says hello.
Nick Palczer <nicksterr@comcast.net>
Jensen Beach, FL USA - Monday, August 3, 2009 3:55 PM CDT

That quilt is awesome! Sorry to here about the prep for the colonoscopy.
Jessie
b-town, WA - Monday, August 3, 2009 10:50 AM CDT

Hi there, Just checking in! I think Zach would be proud of you guys! HAng in there. Love, Beth
Beth Rautenstrauch <vetchr@Bellsouth.net>
- Sunday, August 2, 2009 7:32 PM CDT

The next time we get together, I can share a few 'prep' stories myself! My doc has had me on an annual schedule for a colonoscopy for year (some stomach issues -- namely IBS) and I choke the liquid down and then give up. Again, I can share more in person... not on this site for the world to see!

When Rebecca is back to 100%, I would love for you two to ride down and I can have a big stone crab dinner waiting. That would be fun.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Sunday, August 2, 2009 2:28 PM CDT

Glad to hear you are enjoying your motorcycle.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/1989
Kita
- Sunday, August 2, 2009 3:31 AM CDT

Tatoo, Motorcycle bling, a bigger seat and a colonoscopy. Sounds more like a middle life crisis than grief. :o) We all miss Zach and send our love...
Cousin David (co-chipleader from TN and Casanova award winner)
Roswell, Ga USA - Saturday, August 1, 2009 7:54 AM CDT

Tattoos and a motorcycle-- it's perfect!

Hang in there mama and papa Finestone.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Saturday, August 1, 2009 3:04 AM CDT

Thinking of you all...
alyssa...godmother to Ciara, Hunter and ^Tommy^ <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Friday, July 31, 2009 9:33 PM CDT

I still think of you and Rebecca often and pray that you are doing as well as can be expected; so thank you for the recent update. I had to LOL at your story on colonoscopies......I will have mine do this fall-YUCK!

Warm thoughts and many prayers of healing going out and up for you and your wife.
Deb Mathy
Green Bay, WI - Thursday, July 30, 2009 7:20 PM CDT

Everyone likes to hear how you two are doing and what you are doing. Where can we buy your book? Thinking of you often.
Shirley
Acworth, GA USA - Thursday, July 30, 2009 9:11 AM CDT

Scott & Rebecca,
You're in my thoughts & prayers. I come to the website often, but don't always sign. I am a cancer survivor & believe me cancer sucks. I can't imagine a child going thru it. SCOTT, u have a way of making people smile thru the pain. I think u could help alot of people with your website. God Bless.
Sammy James <sam_jam39@hotmail.com>
FLATWOODS, KY USA - Wednesday, July 29, 2009 11:12 PM CDT

Hi Scott and Rebecca,
I am a lurker of many years. I think I've actually written in your guestbook 2 or 3 times. Just wanted you to know that we are out here thinking about you (while lurking). Take care.

Nancy
MN - Wednesday, July 29, 2009 4:08 PM CDT

Another lurker checking in - the life with cancer sucks and after God has taken the child/parent/spouse it continues to suck. Thank God for our lurkers and supporters.
sandy
Columbus, IN - Wednesday, July 29, 2009 3:36 PM CDT

I'm still faithfully lurking as well. I also can't think of anything helpful to say. What you've been through sucks, and who can blame you if you don't feel like updating? Hell, I'm in awe of the fact that you make it out of bed more days than not!
Monique Davis <smdavis@sccoast.net>
Aynor, SC USA - Wednesday, July 29, 2009 3:20 PM CDT

Thanks for the update. I look forward to your updates. Having lost a young one to cancer 27 years ago, I understand your anger and frustration with life at this time. CANCER sucks especially when it takes one of our children. It is my prayer that as time goes on, you begin to have more good days than bad. May God bless you and Rebecca as you recover from your procedures.
Cathy Hendrix
LA - Tuesday, July 28, 2009 4:56 PM CDT

Good to hear from you. Take care
Emma
Surrey, England - Tuesday, July 28, 2009 1:25 PM CDT

It appears you have quite a few faithful lurkers! I still check in and wait to hear Scott stories. I will continue to check the site even if you don't update it. Can't wait to see the pics of the bike all spruced up! I wish there was something awe-inspiring I could say but there isn't. Cancer sucks and I'm sorry you had to experience it first hand.
Heidi <grrkaliher@yahoo.com>
Fridley, MN - Tuesday, July 28, 2009 8:56 AM CDT

Thanks so much for taking a few minutes to let us know what's going on in your lives! I know how hard it must be to conjure up the energy to do it, but there are some of us out here who truly care about you guys and worry and wonder on a daily basis.
I hope the Wii will get you guys to be able to focus on something fun that Scott can write us about in the future.
I so miss the journal entries from years ago when he was on the road a lot and planned each entry in his head before spewing it all out for us to enjoy...
My heart aches for you both. Take care of yourselves and try and enjoy life in any tiny way that you can.
You guys deserve it.
Shayne <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Monday, July 27, 2009 4:39 PM CDT

So happy to see an update...I know I don't come as often but i'm always happy when you've posted something. We're still thinking of you and praying for you guys.
Corrie vanKampen <corrieannder@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Monday, July 27, 2009 12:16 AM CDT

I am also glad to see an update. I check in on you guys daily to see how you are. People do still care, trust me.
Jackie
WPB, FL - Monday, July 27, 2009 10:56 AM CDT

Still checking in on you and Rebecca. Glad to see an update. Take care and know there are people out here who will always think of you as extended family.

Hugs,
Linda

Linda Resinger
Farmington, MO - Sunday, July 26, 2009 6:15 PM CDT

I am glad you updated. While I can appreciate that updating here is not something that is tops on your list, know that we are here in lurk land and do care about you and Rebecca.
Karen <kchapin3@bellsouth.net>
Birmingham, AL - Saturday, July 25, 2009 11:10 PM CDT

I'm still lurking about as well. And I will continue to lurk for a long as you wish to share. Thank you for sharing the "precious" - time and time again. (It's been years since I made that comment in your guestbook, and I'm hoping you remember. Or else this just looks dumb!!)
Darlene <darlenedray@Hotmail.com>
Peterborough, Canada - Saturday, July 25, 2009 8:29 PM CDT

Keeping you in our prayers.
Sharon Chalmers <skc1962@gmail.com>
Suwanee, GA - Saturday, July 25, 2009 8:13 AM CDT

Scott- There are still MANY people checking on you guys. You will remain in my prayers as you continue to try to figure out how to go forward. You are a very gifted writer and there will be people here to read if you choose to write here.

Be careful on that motorcycle! :)
JC
Louisville, KY - Friday, July 24, 2009 4:24 PM CDT

Scott and Rebecca,
I also check all the time for new updates, and will continue to do so.
Sending love and well wishes your way.
Kia
Davis, IL - Friday, July 24, 2009 3:37 PM CDT

I still check in often. Having lost a son I know it never gets totaly better, but there are more good days than bad (its been nearly 16 years now here)sometimes still something will still happen that sets me off. Glad you have the motorcycle and the cat for some distraction. I think about you all real often and pray the days and the nights get more bearable. I am not good at saying what I want to say so I hope you can figure it out....
Sharon <sholwger5@yahoo.com>
- Friday, July 24, 2009 3:27 PM CDT

I check in all the time, but I am guilty of only signing every once in awhile. That doesn't mean that you are not in my thoughts and prayers, because you are.. you are such amazing parents, and Zach reminds me so much of my son. I cried over him more times than I can say.. and I'm sorry that I never got to meet him. Thanks for updating..but please know that we'll still be here thinking about you even when you don't update. Good luck with your 'procedure'.. I just had mine, and people are right. The procedure itself is no problem, but the prep?? OH. MY. GOD.
I'll be praying for you!!!
Mary Burns
Albany , NY - Friday, July 24, 2009 12:48 AM CDT

Heartfelt prayers for strength...it takes a lot of courage to attend the counseling sessions and to face your grief head on. I cannot imagine how hard it is....

Whenever you feel a need to share/vent on this site, I would be blessed to "listen" to your thoughts. I've always loved reading your entries, always sooo funny, warm, and loving. I've always known that Zachary was in a very serious medical situation, but it was also very clear that he could not have had better parents by his side for the journey.
Shirley
NY, NY - Friday, July 24, 2009 8:32 AM CDT

Hello from a lurker over in the UK. Sending you virtual hugs to lessen the pain, even if just by a little bit. Doubtful, I know, but you have lots of people thinking of you.
Cathy
- Friday, July 24, 2009 7:41 AM CDT

I think you'd be surprised by how many of us still check in regularly looking for a post. Caring for your family doesn't stop because your circumstances changed and Zach passed away. In fact, the caring gets deeper and more profound. The words don't come as easily and often sound awkward and hollow as we attempt to offer comfort and understanding. But the caring is still very real.

Zach would be proud of your new adventures on your motorcycle. I can imagine how he would plead with you to let him drive it around a parking lot or just down the street. He certainly had a way of making is wishes known and tugging at your heart.

He still does, I imagine. Just as I imagine his presence as you and Rebecca ride off together on another motorcycle trip.

Good to hear from you.

Sue G (www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther)
- Friday, July 24, 2009 7:14 AM CDT

I am one of those annoying lurkers who are happy to hear of you and Rebecca. I have the world's most annoying dog so I can relate to your issues with Toby. I think of Zachary and your family daily. Wishing you all the best.
Terri Grant <route66hello@aol.com>
Carlisle, Ma - Thursday, July 23, 2009 10:17 PM CDT

Yep, we still lurk and think about you. I can only imagine that it must be so hard to write. Write when you want to. We'll be here.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Thursday, July 23, 2009 9:14 PM CDT

From a loyal and caring lurker thanks for the update. Think of you often.
Nancy
Appleton, WI - Thursday, July 23, 2009 8:01 PM CDT

I check daily as well and think of you all often....I remember bringing Ethan when he was a baby (5 yrs ago) to SMMC for a meeting about the Cancer Center for kids (or something like that) and you all were there. JoJo was there and just had his port out. Zach was really interested in Ethan and you had said he liked babies. He sat out in the waiting area with me for a short pd talking about Ethan. I wish I could tell you it will get better or easier but I can't. Agian I feel it gets more tolerable. I only have dreams of Seth and that final wk in PICU...the last words I heard from him. Praying his ANC would go up. Holding him in my arms as he took his last breath...This time you are going through you are correct it SUCKS big time. But keep writing it and verbalizing it...it's healthy. Sucking it down inside is not. Zach is proud of both of you and knows what great parents you are. We all do!! We have read your (ok at times bizzare) writings and could feel the love you had for your son!!! Keep us posted
Ruthie Bunkelmann <RBunkmann@msn.com>
North Palm Beach , Fl USA - Thursday, July 23, 2009 5:42 PM CDT

Again, another lurker that checks daily. Thanks for update. You and Rebecca hang in there.

Kandi
SMITHS GROVE, KY usa - Thursday, July 23, 2009 4:33 PM CDT

Hello,

I've been checking in on your family for years. I do check at least a few times a week to see if you have posted anything. I'm glad to hear that you're both taking care of yourselves. I hope you enjoy the Wii fit. I have yet to try mine that I've had since Christmas. You've motivated me to punish myself by having a game tell me how old I seem to be. If you can handle that kind of punishment, then I can too. Keep updating when you can. I'll be here to read.
Cathy G
VA - Thursday, July 23, 2009 4:04 PM CDT

Hi Scott,
Another lurker that checks each day for updates. I keep you and Rebecca in my prayers. Glad Rebecca is doing well from surgery and I hope all "ends well" with your procedure.
Not to make you any butt of any joke...sorry.

Thanks for the update!
Vickie Whicker <avsecg@aol.com>
- Thursday, July 23, 2009 1:47 PM CDT

ditto
clj
mn usa - Thursday, July 23, 2009 1:03 PM CDT

Another lurker who checks often. I have a cat (and a dog)- the cat's name is Gordon - he attacks my feet in the middle of the night - not as often as before - I don't understand it - other cats I have had did not do this - he is somewhat affectionate and is really entertaining - especially with the dog (a Greyhound named Wanda) who tolerates him standing on his back paws as she trots by all the while he is patting her back with this front paws - he is a rescue, so is the dog (duh!) - even though rescues sometimes don't show it - I know they realize that we who have taken them in have given them their chance at a forever home. Now that I have rambled on - I will return to Lurkdom and wait for another update - at your own speed and time and place, of course, like you needed me to validate that part of your life! Zachary amazes me to this day. He is so unique and your humor seemed to have rubbed off on him. Bottom line, dogs are obviously more affectionate but somehow cats know when it is critical to you that they show some affection or care.
Mary H <mch@herzogcrebs.com >
St. Louis, MO - Thursday, July 23, 2009 12:51 AM CDT

I check your site every day and will continue to do so until you write a post that says you will no longer be updating (and then I will still check it to make sure you didn't change your mind).
Jessie P.
B-Town, WA - Thursday, July 23, 2009 12:12 AM CDT

Scott and Rebecca, I am a lurker for sure, come here a few times a week hoping to read a post on how you two are doing. I'm also hoping that you'll consider making a submission to my 13 year old daughter Angel's Celebrity Charity Cookbook in memory of Zachary. http://members.shaw.ca/awesomeangel for more info. Now that I know that visiting a psychologist is a good weight loss program I'm going for it. No one told me that those extra pounds around the waist were the storage of tears I have yet to release. hmmmmm. why is this a well kept secret?

Your bike sounds like a lot of fun to go touring with. Wii Fit is awesome. We bought one for Angel a few months ago as her physiotherapist recommended it so that she could gain balance and muscle strength. It's made a huge difference.

Think about this one Scott, have Rebecca write the doc a lovely note in felt pen on your behind before you go in on Friday. They won't see it until they unveil your butt. could be good for a laugh, and hey, tis better to have a happy OR staff than an upset OR staff right?!

warm hugs,
Cheryl Magnussen
Mom to Angel

cheryl magnussen <magnussen@shaw.ca>
port alberni, canada - Thursday, July 23, 2009 11:58 AM CDT

Scott, glad to see a new post. You need to do what is right for you whether that is posting many times a day or once in a great while. You know that your friends here don't care how often but just want to know once in a while that you are managing.
Nancy Bradford <nlb1050@hotmail.com>
Fort Pierce, FL USA - Thursday, July 23, 2009 11:51 AM CDT

Even though I've never written before and I've never met your brave son personally, I've been following Zachary's website for some time and I still look forward for the updates,your beautiful family became somehow a part of my life. Although I live milion miles away from you, I cross my fingers for you and still think about Zacharay...I wish you all the best...

Oliwia (Poland)
Oliwia <olive2@vp.pl>
Poland - Thursday, July 23, 2009 11:03 AM CDT

another lurker here, welcome back
Gail
Kingsport, TN USA - Thursday, July 23, 2009 10:32 AM CDT

another luker. i cant stay away cuase it is always uplifting when you do post. and not all cats are that way you just have one of those special cats.
beckym <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Thursday, July 23, 2009 8:26 AM CDT

Hi Finestones,
It was nice to read an update.
Hope you guys recover nicely from your medical procedures.
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Thursday, July 23, 2009 6:11 AM CDT

Scott/Rebecca/Toby
I come by the website every day. I don't look for updates. I miss my friend and I can see a picture of him on the website whenever I want. Don't feel pressured to write.
By the way, don't you know that as a cat owner, you exist only to serve. I'm glad he missed you...at least he didn't exact any revenge...let me tell you they can.
Jane Sinatra from Jensen Beach Bowl <JSinachris@aol.com>
- Thursday, July 23, 2009 5:29 AM CDT

Hey,

I am a guilty lurker. I have been lurking for a while now and everyday religiously I come by to check for an update, sometimes even twice a day. So please when you find time do update. I love hearing about what daily life is like for you.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/1989
Kita
- Thursday, July 23, 2009 0:32 AM CDT

Another almost daily checker here who is guilty of lurking. The motorcycle is quite cool, although the picture of you in the helmet conjures up images in my mind of The Great Gazoo from The Flintstones. Thanks for the walk down memory lane. As always, thinking of you and Rebecca.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Wednesday, July 22, 2009 11:50 PM CDT

I am guilty of checking in at least once a day..No expectations for you to write, but if you do, I don't want to miss it. Still think of you all often and keep you in our prayers always. As long as you keep the site up I will continue to check on you all. Thanks for the update. You, Rebecca and Zachary will *never* be forgotten.
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Wednesday, July 22, 2009 11:27 PM CDT

I am sure there are others out there like me who check your site every day if not sometimes twice a day if updates are scarse....... Love to read what you have to say! I lent my copy of your book to my sons girlfriend to read and she loves your family too now, of course I let her know that the book HAS to come back as soon as she is finished with it and it HAS to be in one piece!
Susan Foster <CLF8987@aol.com>
Troy, MO USA - Wednesday, July 22, 2009 10:44 PM CDT

Thank you for updating, Scott! I check in a couple times a week, so today was a nice surprise.
I just want to say, there is no timeline on grief. I know you know that. My niece died in 2001 at 19 yrs old. She needed a new heart and a match wasn't available in time. I stood by my sister in law and brother in law those first years not knowing what later today would bring, because there was no timeline. How three steps forward turned into ten steps back by a song playing on the radio. Their personalities have changed in the last couple of years, so if someone tells you that some day in the future, just nod your head, you've earned it. But you and Rebecca will be okay. Not right away, but it will come. No timeline. Hang in there!
Jackie H
- Wednesday, July 22, 2009 9:11 PM CDT

Scott,
I have never commented before, but I have had your site bookmarked for a long, long time. I grieved with you when Zachary passed, and I now keep you and your family in my thoughts, and hope for the best for you. I still check in every other day or so for an update, and I probably will forever - out of habit, there are a list of families who I check in on on a regular basis... and although I always hope for an update, I think it's completely understandable that you would feel the need to update less and less often. I will continue to keep you guys in my thoughts.
Kristen Smith <knsmith5@uncg.edu>
Wilmington, DE United States - Wednesday, July 22, 2009 8:59 PM CDT

Just stopping by to say "hi" and to let you know that I think of you often. Have fun and stay safe on your motorcycle.
Brenda <wduffy6633@aol.com>
Boca Raton, FL - Sunday, July 19, 2009 9:09 AM CDT

Scott
Iam half through the book and wanted to say that .. ohh I was about to say I was enjoying it, but that sounds wrong. I want to say, good job, I think you have done a great job w/ it and to see the whole journey as one big picture instead of piece by piece, day by day has been a real eye opener.

I was gonna wait to say this until I finished the book, but I figued I better say it now just in case the 2nd half sucks butt. lol
Jennifer <jlbunnyhoney@hotmail.com>
- Friday, July 17, 2009 12:17 AM CDT

Think of you often.
Nancy
Appleton, WI USA - Friday, July 17, 2009 7:54 AM CDT

It's a Honda Shadow!!! :-))
Leo
Irkutsk, Russia - Thursday, July 16, 2009 3:36 AM CDT

How long has it been since somebody said "You two are NUTS!" Tattoos, a MOTORCYCLE... What's next? The Jensen Beach BDSM club? Btw, you DO need a pair of leather pants to ride that thing. Otherwise you look too... "green" for biking. :-Pppp

You never mentioned what it is. It looks like Yamaha to me but it's been a long time since I rode one.

Stay cool!
Leo
Irkutsk, Russia - Thursday, July 16, 2009 3:29 AM CDT

Thinking of you today and always !! Hope to get you to a yoga class when i get back from Italy.Love and miss you both!
xoxoxo

audra <grlwndr68@hotmail.com>
stuart, fl currently in Italy - Wednesday, July 15, 2009 12:02 AM CDT

Hey Guys:
I'm always dropping in to check on you, and I've noticed that the entries are getting to be few and far between... I hope that is because you are too busy livin' life to bother updating us.
Just wanted to let you know I think of you both daily and miss Scott's humorous ramblings regarding life in general.
I pray God is holding you both close.
Shayne
West Richland, WA - Tuesday, July 14, 2009 12:01 AM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Sunday,
July 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!!

Angel_Wings

MJ/Angel_Wings and AngelWingsRemembers
MJ/Angel_Wings and Angel Wings Remembers <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
Gardner, - Tuesday, July 14, 2009 9:23 AM CDT

Still thinking about you guys.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Wednesday, July 8, 2009 10:18 AM CDT

Good grief, Rebecca, you let Scott drive that thing???? and you ride on the back??? OMG! I don't know who is crazier! I miss you guys.
Barb Abernathy
- Tuesday, July 7, 2009 10:30 AM CDT

Just dropping a line to let you guys know that I am thinking of and praying for you.... praying for peace and that your minds and dreams be filled with beautiful memories of your Zachary.
Dianna in Louisiana
Gonzales, LA USA - Monday, July 6, 2009 8:49 PM CDT

:) Love the picture! Hope you're enjoying the bike! Have fun!! Thinking of you both - praying for you. Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, July 2, 2009 8:34 AM CDT

Hmm... I'm starting to believe that you guys may actually be doing the motorcycle thing.... :)
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Wednesday, July 1, 2009 11:28 AM CDT

I have signed your guestbook on numerous ocassions and have followed Zach's story for many many years but still mainly feel like a lurker. I have wondered often if you and Rebecca ever considered having another child at any point in this incredible journey. By no means should you feel obligated to answer such a personal question. It is just something I have thought about. You both seem like special parents with so much love to give. Forgive me if this feels intrusive or rude because I really do not mean it to be. As always you are in my prayers.
Monica Rulon <rulonm@hotmail.com>
- Tuesday, June 30, 2009 8:43 PM CDT

Awesome picture! Thinking of you each day.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Tuesday, June 30, 2009 0:20 AM CDT

Hi Scott and Rebecca, I've followed Zachary's site for a good part of the past year. I am wondering if you would consider making a submission to my daughter Angel's Celebrity Charity Cookbook, in memory of Zachary? Details can be found at http://members.shaw.ca/awesomeangel and then click on her cookbook link. We have a special form we are doing for families to fill out on their kids. Although Zackary was not a movie star or famous politician he had a huge impact on this world. We can email you the form and other details if you are interested. Check out Angel's site first though to see if this is something you'd like to do.
cheryl magnussen <magnussen@shaw.ca>
port alberni, bc canada - Saturday, June 27, 2009 5:37 PM CDT

Great picture of the two of you! Thanks for sharing it with us.
Brenda <wduffy6633@aol.com>
Boca Raton, FL - Saturday, June 27, 2009 7:36 AM CDT

You two look dangerous on the bike!
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Friday, June 26, 2009 6:37 PM CDT

Thank you for the picture of the bike. I hope you both enjoy riding it. Please know that I am thinking about yu and keeping you in prayer
MJ/Angel_Wings and Angel Wings Remembers <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
Gardner, Ma - Friday, June 26, 2009 4:23 PM CDT

Love the bike. Honda Shadow is my favorite bike in the whole world. I have looked at so many and riden a lot in my search, but the DW is just not comfortable with me riding at this time.

Be careful and enjoy your new ride!!!
David <rhondavid@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, June 25, 2009 6:08 AM CDT

Nice to see you two with a relaxing ride in front of you and a smile :} jane p
Jane Charlton Pike
Jupiter , FL - Wednesday, June 24, 2009 4:03 PM CDT

Good for you Scott. I'm sure the air coming at you that fast is quite exciting. Happy belated Father's Day! Ride on man.....

www.caringbridge.org/visit/carsonruffa
Jackie
WPB, FL - Monday, June 22, 2009 6:48 AM CDT

Hi Scott,

Just wanted to say happy father's day. Oh, and please be careful on the bike!!
Sherri Ross <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Sunday, June 21, 2009 5:19 PM CDT

Happy Father's Day Scott.
Mathis family <Stubby3620@aol.com>
Hickory, NC - Sunday, June 21, 2009 4:33 PM CDT

I was thinking of you today.
Be careful on the bike.
Michelle <MichelleATierney@aol.com>
Grafton, MA - Sunday, June 21, 2009 3:13 PM CDT

Just stopping by to wish Scott a Happy Father's Day...hope you're both enjoying the motorcycle...and Scott you cant text while driving but Rebecca can sure try while being the passenger (i've done it)...always thinking about you both :)
Jenn <yankeez-girl2@hotmail.com>
Canada - Sunday, June 21, 2009 2:11 PM CDT

Just stopping in to honor a wonderful father and to remember the amazing son he and his beautiful bride raised and loved and taught and protected. A father who not only gives his child the gift of love but also the gift of laughter is a special man indeed. Happy Father's Day, Scott.
Sue G (www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther)
- Sunday, June 21, 2009 1:19 PM CDT

Happy Father's Day to you today! May you have a day full of precious memories. Enjoy your vacation as you know your precious angel would want you to.
Cathy Hendrix
W Monroe, LA US - Sunday, June 21, 2009 1:10 PM CDT

You are in my thoughts today!
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Sunday, June 21, 2009 7:31 AM CDT

THINKING OF YOU TWO.
SAMMY JAMES <sam_jam39@hotmail.com>
FLATWOODS, KY USA - Sunday, June 21, 2009 0:18 AM CDT

Happy Father's Day. I hope your day is filled with only good and happy memories of Zach. I will be thinking about you and will continue to keep you in my prayers.
Mary <miniteasets@mail2world.com>
Worth, IL USA - Saturday, June 20, 2009 8:54 PM CDT

can't wait to see the picture of the new ride!!
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Saturday, June 20, 2009 9:59 AM CDT

Very cool! Sounds like fun!
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Saturday, June 20, 2009 0:32 AM CDT

You've messed with our heads too many times...having a hard time believing you. If it's true..HAVE FUN.
Tracey
Mn. - Friday, June 19, 2009 8:32 PM CDT

Have fun. Be safe. Enjoy the ride.

Sue G (www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther)
- Friday, June 19, 2009 10:58 AM CDT

Sounds like you're off to a great,and safe start, on the bike. Hope Rebecca recovers soon.
TAS
CS, CO - Thursday, June 18, 2009 10:40 PM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Friday,
June 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!!

MJ/Angel_Wings and Angel Wings Remembers <marijeighn1@gmail.com>
Gardner, Ma - Tuesday, June 16, 2009 7:11 PM CDT

Thinking about you guys today..I'm sure it does suck, and will always suck..How could it not suck, endlessly? I hope the motorcycle gives you some moments of joy, even if they are fleeting..they are something to hold on to..
Jacqueline
Southwestern, CT - Tuesday, June 16, 2009 11:45 AM CDT

mugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu magamugu maga
mugu maga <nwa.owerri_mugu@yahoo.com>
lome togo, lome togo - Saturday, June 13, 2009 2:52 PM CDT

Congratulations on the motorcycle license!

When I first staw "PWLAK", I thought it said "pillow whack" LOL
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Thursday, June 11, 2009 11:58 AM CDT

Hi,
Still thinking of you guys.
Be careful riding the bike - but have a blast!
Sincerely,
Tanys
- Wednesday, June 10, 2009 3:39 PM CDT

That's GREAT. Love the motorcycle idea! And you got a laugh out of me about the leather outfit... If you ride in the fall or spring, leather is necessary OUTSIDE of the home!! Good luck with finding a bike. We want pictures of course of the two of you in your gear. Hugs and prayers- Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, la USA - Wednesday, June 10, 2009 3:05 PM CDT

I'm so glad to hear that Rebecca has found something that gives her an escape from the sadness, and that you will soon be the one taking her on those escapes... You guys need to find joy in life wherever you can snatch it!
Do you think the Penguins have a chance on Friday? I'm scared, but I'll be crossing my fingers for you guys (and for me).
Take care and keep up the good fight!
Shayne <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Wednesday, June 10, 2009 12:27 AM CDT

How exciting about the motorcycle! Thinking of you each day.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Tuesday, June 9, 2009 11:41 PM CDT

I think about you both all the time.. but I'm a lurker, and have a hard time signing the guest book! I don't know why, maybe it's just because you are such a beautiful writer.. and I am not. So.. simply put.. you and Rebecca are in my thoughts and prayers. Your stories about Zach over the years have made me laugh and made me cry.

I cannot understand how you feel.. but I hurt for you.
Rosemary
- Tuesday, June 9, 2009 2:38 PM CDT

I found your site through the childhood cancer awareness facebook page. You are an amazing writer, and I thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, pain and sorrow with us. I lost my 16 year old boy in January from cancer, after battling it for 14 years. It helped so much to read your journal entries, and go "wow, he feels like this too, I must not be crazy after all." Thank you for that. I used to have a caringbridge site for Matthew for many years, but stopped it after he died. I thank you for not stopping yours, because, for tonight, you gave me comfort, and I thank you for that!
Nicole Epp <nikepp@xplornet.com>
Fiske, Saskatchewan Canada - Monday, June 8, 2009 10:40 PM CDT

Wish there was a club here like your PWHLAK ... Since Rachael died 3/1/03, we've been going it alone. Old friends no longer have anything in common with us...their kids have graduated, gone to college, gotten married, etc. Truthfully, life just gets sadder and sadder for us with each passing year. Still keep busy with volunteer work, but as you know, the most important element in our lives is missing in reality...memories don't grow and change.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Monday, June 8, 2009 3:15 PM CDT

Good for you! We do have a few motorcycle clubs (gangs :) in Fargo. They are some of the most giving people. I am fortunate enough to coordinate an annual bike show at a local bar. Last year..these bikers helped us raise over $4500.00 for Make a Wish. This year our goal is raise enough for a Wish. Aprroximately $6000. Harley's Rock!
Stacey <stacey.winter@ndsu.edu>
Fargo, nd - Monday, June 8, 2009 2:51 PM CDT

Scott, your journal entries always makes me laugh and cry. Congratulations on passing the exam! That sounds like a fun new hobby to get into. Just beware of vans and minivans too. And I hope that you find your new hog soon.
Hugs,
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Monday, June 8, 2009 12:46 AM CDT

Wow, Im so jealous! I have that on my list of things to explore. Instead I took to the pavement and now find my self going to bed early on friday and waking to train when everyone is going to bed Saturday from Friday night. I am hooked on Marathons for a good cause. I envy the gals in my hood that ride off on there "hogs" every weekend and I hear them return in the evenings. My brother rides a Harley in the midwest and he talks about his journeys with such passion. CONGRATULATIONS on a new hobby.
We rehash the days at St Mary's often. We were very lucky to have your family around during diagnosis. If you make your way to WPB we would love to see you guys. Keep you in our prayers always. You are never ready! Peace Kathy
Kathy Pacheco <pachecos@gate.net>
Lake Worth, FL - Monday, June 8, 2009 11:30 AM CDT

Congrats on your license and the talents of passing with flying colors. My husband always wanted a motorcycle and his mom said she'd either kill him or it would kill her if he got one. After she died he got a motorcyle (last summer). I was hesitant not because of his ability but because of how other drivers (in vehicles or semi's) deal with motorcylists. Anyway, he said riding takes his concentration and allows him to escape the negative things in life. (work stress, both of his parents died of cancer and he's an only child with no other relatives to speak of, our son is off treatment and doing fine but has side effects from treatment, etc) He actually NEEDS to ride so all is good with the world again. He also likes that the young blonde female neighbor talks to him since he got his bike, although he rarely admits to that bonus.
I hope it works for both of you!
Tamara
CS, CO - Monday, June 8, 2009 11:26 AM CDT

I think of the two of you often and stop by alot to check on you two. Those horrible memories are the worst of the worst. Almost 9 years later they still creep up on me... For me it was the morning I found her. She persistently made me sleep in my own bed after 3 months of sleeping with her and no sleep for 48 hours... I still feel guilty for that. But, after losing my Mom six months after losing my Tiffanie. I strongly believe my daughter did not want to pass away in front of me... Soon those horrible memories will be overtaken by the good memories the 3 of you shared. I promise.... It took me about 3 or 4 years and I was beginning to think they would never go away... I wish you both the best life has to offer. One day all us parents that lost our children will know why God made us go through this heartache and pain... Love You...
Deneen Gethouas <dgethouas@comcast.net>
Enola, PA USA - Monday, June 8, 2009 9:28 AM CDT

Glad to hear your moving forward as best as you can. My loss was my husband of 22 years Dec 16th 2009. I know your pain, I feel your pain. I'm living your pain. One day at a time is what I tell myself.
Ride carefully when you get that "HOG"!
Jackie
WPB, FL - Monday, June 8, 2009 5:21 AM CDT

I think about you often, even though I don't even know who you are. I am a member of the 113th Wing out of Andrews AFB. I too lost my son and sincerely know the pain that you are going through. I would like you to contact me if you feel up to it to share some of the things that have helped me cope. Contact me if you want - dawnwodarski@aol.com
Dawn M. Brindle <dawnwodarski@aol.com>
Odenton, MD 21113 - Friday, June 5, 2009 11:30 AM CDT

Hi Scott:
I love the "antics" of young boys... My husband's friend did something similar when we were wine tasting - as he would sign the guestbook in my husband's name and write comments such as "mantastic!" and "fantabulous". Now there are a bunch of people walking around who think my man has some serious "issues". I love it!!! And I'm sure Zachary is pulling pranks on his cohorts in Heaven.
I hope your dreams will evolve into something that you treasure and not dread, as "visiting" with lost ones in sleep can be very comforting. I'm so sorry that it isn't that way for you... I will pray that will change.
Please give Rebecca and Toby my heartfelt affection and take care of yourselves.
And - GO Penguins!!!!
Shayne <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Thursday, June 4, 2009 12:54 AM CDT

I think Zachary was looking down on both of you and laughing when the beauty contest information came in the mail. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
Brenda <wduffy6633@aol.com>
Boca Raton, FL - Tuesday, June 2, 2009 7:11 AM CDT

Scott and Rebecca, As the school year comes to an end I think of Zach and how WE wanted him to go to the moving up ceremony but instead he flew a plane. No comparison, lucky dog! I miss him daily and think of you always. Love, Beth
Beth <vetchr@Bellsouth.net>
Palm City, FL - Monday, June 1, 2009 8:36 PM CDT

LOL... the comment about the beauty contest is a riot. I love it. Zach's willingness to pull a prank should be a reminder to all of us to not take life so seriously and live a little.

Whenever you finish your project, I want to take you and Rebecca to dinner. Let me know when you two have an open night.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Sunday, May 31, 2009 3:40 PM CDT

No apologies necessary. Just know that I think of you daily. I hope someday the funny memories can overshadow the grief.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Sunday, May 31, 2009 6:29 AM CDT

The beauty contest gave me a grin. Thinking of you guys each day!
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Saturday, May 30, 2009 11:27 PM CDT

I was thinking about zach today. I miss him and his magic.

colette <Colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Psl , fl - Saturday, May 30, 2009 7:02 PM CDT

Just a lurker - checking in again!! Praying things are a bit better each day. How's the cat doing? Is he settling in a little more? Our 5 month old puppy is wild...she gets so excited and jumps up and nips at your face. (3 lb yorkie) She has pierced my husband's nose 2 times now! Wow - it was free too!! What more could you ask? haha Well...just wanted yall to know that I think of you often and keep you close in prayer. Can't wait for another journal entry!! Hugs -Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Thursday, May 28, 2009 2:27 PM CDT

Hey! We are missing you and your posts out here!
Susan Foster <CLF8987@aol.com>
Troy, MO USA - Thursday, May 28, 2009 10:14 AM CDT

Just checking in on you.

Hugs to you both,
Linda
Linda Resinger <resinger15@bigrivertel.net>
Farmington, MO - Wednesday, May 27, 2009 9:44 PM CDT

Hi rebecca and scott. Just wanted to send out warm regards to you from kyle and me. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. With lots of love, randy and kyle.

randy sandler
wayne, pa usa - Wednesday, May 27, 2009 8:31 PM CDT

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.
Jacqueline
southwestern, CT - Wednesday, May 27, 2009 9:00 AM CDT

Thinking of you all, always!
Sherry Contento <boberry608@hotmail.com>
Jupiter, FL - Tuesday, May 26, 2009 4:01 PM CDT

Thinking about Zach today and you guys. Hugs to you both.
Rae
Bristow, OK USA - Monday, May 25, 2009 5:27 PM CDT

I was so focused on my own mother this year that I neglected every other mother I think. As a matter of fact the only card I got this year from was from my mom.

So, a very belated happy mother's day to Rebecca-- my heart is with all the moms who've lost children especially.

A good cat should always keep you guessing, so it sounds like you hit the jackpot.

Your family remains in my prayers.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Sunday, May 17, 2009 2:53 PM CDT

Hey Guys -- Funny you mention about the cat. Mac (the cat of mine that Rebecca loves) will play fetch and demands affection. Sadly, I had to give him away to a friend several months ago. After urinating in my bed for the second time, I could not longer handle it. I do miss the little kitty but not enough to put up with that smell. All this being said, I have come to understand that male cats tend to be very demanding and crave attention.

When can I buy dinner?
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Saturday, May 16, 2009 10:00 AM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Tuesday,
May 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the families on our Angel_Wings
Prayer Lists and our Angel families
of children, teens and adults who
have gained their angel wings.

Thank you for joining us!!

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers

Debbie/Angel_Wings
- Friday, May 15, 2009 10:01 PM CDT

Scott - I have to tell you - when I was a kid I had a cat (Pepper - was huge - wt was 21 lb) and he played fetch all the time with those little plastic toy soldiers. We would throw the soldier (many times down the basement stairs - which were about 7 or 8 rungs) he would chase it, bring it back and drop it at your feet - waiting for you to throw it again. He lived to be 11 and did that all his life. I never knew of another cat (until your Toby) to do that.
cathy rusyniak <garbmike@optonline.net>
Rockaway, NJ - Friday, May 15, 2009 1:31 PM CDT

Just wanted you to know that I still check Zach's site every day. You and Rebecca continue to be in my thoughts.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Friday, May 15, 2009 10:54 AM CDT

I think the donation options you picked are perfect - Helping find a cure and Zachary's honor are two amazing ways and you should be commended for your thoughtfulness!
Colette <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
PSL, FL - Friday, May 15, 2009 10:30 AM CDT

Thanks for the update. I check on you each day, say a quick prayer for you guys but don't sign as often as I should. Great to hear that you have a support system in place with friends from a really stinky club.

Prayers and hugs,
Connie F-G <cdlfg@cox.net>
LaVista, NE - Friday, May 15, 2009 10:13 AM CDT

84, Huh? It must really suck to be the oldest in the crowd! Next time we go out, I'll see if my Grandfather can go with us, so you see someone from your generation. Although....he might be younger than you?!!! I tell ya....can't wait till your b-day....this year you might get us all the senior citizen discount....LOL! Good thing we love ya so much!!
PS....Don't go mixing the Kool-Aid yet! Wasn't trying to upset u!! It's all about payback....round here!
Sasha Wahl <msaly@comcast.net>
- Friday, May 15, 2009 9:43 AM CDT

Just dropping by to let you guys know that you are always on my mind... I'm so glad to hear that you got promoted! It's good for you to stay busy, and making some extra "green" just makes it a little sweeter.
Hopefully you continue to be able to "visit" Zachary in your dreams... It gives you something to hope for when you lay down at night and leaves you feeling closer to him when you wake up.
I truly hope that you both are increasingly finding some joy in your days, as Zachary would want you both to be happy. Try and remember that, so at least you don't feel guilty trying...
Shayne <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:08 AM CDT

Congrats on the promotion Scott!! Sorry I was ignoring you on the highway!
Colette <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Port Saint Lucie, FL - Tuesday, May 12, 2009 7:14 AM CDT

Thinking of you today and wishing you a Happy mothers day. i hope you were ablr to find some joy in the memories.
becky <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Sunday, May 10, 2009 5:51 PM CDT

Wishing a very Happy Mother's Day to one of the best moms EVER!!! I know today will be a hard day, but never forget that you will forever be Zachary's mom and he loved you lots!
Lisa
Lynnwood, WA - Sunday, May 10, 2009 2:47 PM CDT

Rebecca,
Thinking of you today.
Linda Puccio <lcpwp1@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, FL USA - Sunday, May 10, 2009 10:39 AM CDT

Happy Mother's Day Rebecca. I'm praying that the heaviness of the grief is lifted a bit this morning and that you feel an extra sense of Zachary's presence with you today.
Jennifer <jendoskal@yahoo.com>
St. Peters, MO - Sunday, May 10, 2009 8:41 AM CDT

Rebecca, I'm sure no day is a good day, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today (and every day). Happy Mother's Day.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Sunday, May 10, 2009 8:22 AM CDT

Rebecca, Thinking of you today. Happy Mother's Day! I hope you celebrate because you were the best of moms.

Love, Erin Doyle <boltsfan19@gmail.com>
Clearwater, FL - Sunday, May 10, 2009 7:40 AM CDT

Hi Rebecca...sending you happy thoughts and memories for Mother's DAY!
Monica <rulonm@hotmail.com>
- Saturday, May 9, 2009 9:09 PM CDT

Hi Rebecca- Thinking of you on Mother's Day. Zach couldn't have had a better mom. Scott, as always, take good care of her, especially today.

Love The Mathis family <stubby3620@aol.com>
Hickory, NC - Saturday, May 9, 2009 8:50 PM CDT

Rebecca, as Mother's Day approaches, I know it will be a difficult time for you. Zachary knows you were the best mom ever. His love for you will last forever. God bless your special family.
Brenda <wduffy6633@aol.com>
Boca Raton, FL - Saturday, May 9, 2009 7:34 AM CDT

Just stopping by to see things are. You and your wife and Zachary are in my thoughts.

Take care.
Leigh
Richmond, VA - Saturday, May 9, 2009 0:16 AM CDT

Thinking of you guys each day.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Thursday, May 7, 2009 5:36 PM CDT

Just wanted to say Hi.
I hope all is well.

Peter
Peter Caufield <pcaufiel@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, May 7, 2009 11:59 AM CDT

Congratulations on your promotion!
I'll bet it's hard waking up from dreams like that..I do believe our loved ones can visit us in our dreams. On the rare occassions that it has happened to me, the loved one is always glowingly happy, in an unearthly way...I wish you good dreams of Zachary, and I wish you peace.
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Wednesday, May 6, 2009 1:12 PM CDT

Congratulations on your promotion. I am sure it is frustrating to wake up and not be able to remember all of the dreams about Zachary. What an honor to have the relay in Zachary's memory. Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Tuesday, May 5, 2009 8:45 AM CDT

Well, I am glad you let everyone know what a great store and crew I handed over to you. I hope you get a peaceful nights rest soon. Wished I had an ASM here like you were for me. Thanks for the package addressed from the Little Brain.
Steve Newton <newton1449@windstream.net>
Blairsville, Ga Union - Monday, May 4, 2009 8:34 PM CDT

Just checking in... Chats with a ghost is I guess an improvement over replaying all the decisions of the last 9 years. Glad to hear Swine flue is driving up business... Since the masks are likely made in countries where the epidemic will have the largest foot print, I strongly question their value. It's all just a conspiracy to stimulate the economy. First we had the war against terror now we have the war against Swine Flue. In both cases we get to fight an enemy you can't easily see and spend money irrationally... I think it is time to reopen the fence business. Only this time try selling germ proof fences... :o)

Cousin David
Roswell, GA USA - Monday, May 4, 2009 1:56 PM CDT

I recently moved from Ark to NE and my poor cat had to be caught three different times and put in her cage. needless to say she is living under the bed for now and dont trust any one, and I am not even the one who chased her down and put her in the cage.
GOOD to hear about the scholarship. I am sure it will bless a lot of kids over the years.
I think about the two of you daily, I know how hard it is to lose a son and to keep on keeping on.
Sharon <sholweger5@yahoo.com>
Lincoln, Ne - Sunday, May 3, 2009 1:47 PM CDT

Scott, Congratulations on your promotion!
The newest dream is definitely an improvement!

Take care.
Nancy Bradford <nlb1050@yahoo.com>
Fort Pierce, FL USA - Sunday, May 3, 2009 12:31 AM CDT

Just want you to know that I'm still lurking and thinking of you both. I pray you find the strength each day to make it through to the next day with a little less pain. That's where the memories come to mind. That's all they leave with. Still battling this horror in my family.

Sandi Cooper <jkcwellington@bellsouth.net>
Wellington, FL - Sunday, May 3, 2009 9:58 AM CDT

Sucker punches everywhere! Watch out, they lurk in the darndest places...grocery stores, Target, family gatherings...just when you least expect it-BAM! Right in the gut! After 7 years I have gotten much better at ducking! Always here somewhere...
Kathy Charlton <ckcharlton@aol.com>
- Friday, May 1, 2009 8:52 PM CDT

Thinking of you guys each day.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Thursday, April 30, 2009 10:00 PM CDT

im praying for you.
God Bless
Allie <cheer4lfe056@aim.com>
jensen beach, fl US - Thursday, April 30, 2009 5:20 PM CDT

Prayers and hugs for the two of you - enough said.
Annette <netterly62@aol.com>
Powell, oh usa - Thursday, April 30, 2009 7:22 AM CDT

Hi Scott and Rebecca, Just wanted to say Hi and that you both continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Also, I am interested in purchasing a copy of Scott's book. Where or how can I do so? Thank you and God Bless you both, Diana
Diana Fox <fox8097@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, FL 34997 - Wednesday, April 29, 2009 8:34 PM CDT

Thank you Scott for posting Kensey's web page in your log. I knew I could count on the goodness of a stranger. Hope all is well. God Bless.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/kenseylewis
www.caringbridge.org/visit/carsonruffa
Jackie
- Wednesday, April 29, 2009 5:52 AM CDT

So sorry. Cancer Sucks and losing a child sucks even more.The pain of loss is so severe that I can certainly understand wanting to hide out on a desert island.
I hope you can get that time machine going soon. Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Tuesday, April 28, 2009 9:06 AM CDT

If I ever win the lottery or get some big windfall, I am SO financing that time machine. Just be sure it's not like the one in "Napoleon Dynamite" that Uncle Rico bought on Ebay. On a more serious note, y'all remain in our thoughts and prayers as you continue forward (always forward) on this crazy trip a.k.a. life.
The Hudson Family <hudsonkats@cox.net>
Hampton, VA - Tuesday, April 28, 2009 8:39 AM CDT

I am so sorry for your pain, a pain without a cure.
In my experience with family and social events, I stated before hand, if I feel like I can attend, it may only be for a short time, I may leave without warning or good byes. I let my friends know that chances are I may not show up, however even if I do show, I may leave at any time. No one ever questioned or said anything when I would quietly say good bye and leave, in some cases I slipped out the door without my good byes. Slowly, very slowly the time I spent at each event increased to where in most cases I now can attend a whole family event. I don't think this is retreating I think of it as a means of protecting our fragile hearts.

God Bless.
Gail
Toronto, ON Canada - Tuesday, April 28, 2009 5:49 AM CDT

The pain sucks! My child died in 2004 and I still have my moments. We just have to remember to give time, time. I feel for you.
Rachael J <cljantz@yahoo.com>
- Tuesday, April 28, 2009 2:43 AM CDT

Thinking of you...
alyssa...www.caringbridge.org/ca/bennettboys (my godchildren) <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Monday, April 27, 2009 9:36 PM CDT

Hey there -- I read this post and it brought me to tears. My gut aches for you and Rebecca. I am told that 'firsts' are always the hardest. Cannot fathom it would or could get easier, but I suppose that it can.

Wish I had some cutsy saying or something that could heal broken hearts, but I do not. The only thing I can share is this... I love you both.

Also, a good meal shared with a friend can be helpful. So, when can I buy this meal?
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Monday, April 27, 2009 5:50 PM CDT

Thinking of you two often....you both are amazing! We miss him too!

The Fitzpatrick's <fitzis@comcast.net>
JB, FL - Monday, April 27, 2009 5:31 PM CDT

OK....We'll buy one of those time machines! What if I challenged you to make one??? Bet I'd win that bet!!!
You know we love you guys!!!!
The Wahl's <msaly@comcast.net>
Port Saint Lucie, FL - Monday, April 27, 2009 4:03 PM CDT

Thank you to everyone for the support that you all have showed us over the years. I don't know where we would be without you.

Rebecca Finestone <srfinestone@hotmail.com>
Jensen Beach, FL USA - Monday, April 27, 2009 12:32 AM CDT

When you don't update for a while, I think God, it must be so hard for them. Then you do update, and I realize..hard must just scratch the surface of what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss, and the void you live with. "Sorry" isn't strong enough of a word either. I wish you could make a time machine..
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Monday, April 27, 2009 6:11 AM CDT

Please continue sharing your memories of Zachary. It is a good thing to find a smile between the tears.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Saturday, April 25, 2009 7:42 AM CDT

Just checking in and let you know that we're thinking about you...
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, wa 98020 - Thursday, April 23, 2009 12:37 AM CDT

This lurker is hoping you're doing ok. Praying that you have a peaceful day. Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, April 23, 2009 11:50 AM CDT

Hey Scott and Rebecca,
Hope you are both well and hanging in there as best as you can. Minute to minute.
Scott, I have a request and a new challenge for you. A little girl named Kensey who needs our prayers is getting ready for a transplant and her MOTHER is the donor. Kensey is a patient of Dr. Singer (Palms West Hosp). She is at Duke right now fighting the battle all over again.
Her website is ----- www.caringbridge.org/visit/kenseylewis

Your challenge is to get over 1,000 people to sign her guestbook and let her know we are praying for her. If anybody can do that, its Scott Finestone!!!!!

Game on!
Jackie
WPB, FL - Tuesday, April 21, 2009 8:52 AM CDT

Scott you're incorrigible! Your contest...
You didn't embarrass your son enough while he lived here on Earth and you have to continue doing that even after he left!? You're a terrible, terrible, terrible father!!! Remember, he can now complain to Mr.Almighty directly and He'll send you... I dunno... a plague or unemployment... or another Bush, Jr. as President.

Oh and btw, whoever says you're "greedy to have more time with Zack", just let me know their address and I'll send a couple of my ethically-paralleled (yeah, I invented a new word - "Russian mafia" is so passe) friends over to their house to break their legs in more places than one.
Leo <goomba4ever@mail.ru>
Irkutsk, Russia - Sunday, April 19, 2009 2:03 PM CDT

Hi Scott,

I missed the contest! Must get in on the next one. But I have to tell you a funny story about my nephew. When he was about three years old, he started calling his a "lee-lee". Now, where he came up with that no one knows but we just shrugged and went with it. One day in typical three year old fashion, he became quite angry with his father over some discipline issue. To express his anger, he stomped his foot and said loudly to his father, "you... you.. you're a LEE LEE HEAD!" Which maybe no one else will find funny but our family thinks its hilarious. He's never lived it down and he's 24 now and we call him a lee lee head just for fun.
Sherri Ross <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Sunday, April 19, 2009 12:35 AM CDT

Just stopping by to say I'm thinking of you ...
Jacqueline
Southwestern, CT - Sunday, April 19, 2009 8:50 AM CDT

Aw, man! I was number 6!

Well, I hope Jen enjoys her book or tshirt :]

It's pretty funny because, I am in the midst of reading your book and I came on here to see if you made an update and I was just through reading that chapter!

I'm gonna be looking out for the next contest!

Take care Scott and Rebecca, I hope your easter was great,
Angela
Angela
- Saturday, April 18, 2009 9:22 PM CDT

That is too funny..My grandson calls his Harry, Gary, and Mr. Turtle...I have no idea why..Carol
carol <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Friday, April 17, 2009 10:32 AM CDT

That is a hilarious line by Zachary! Classic!

Thanks for making me smile.
Shirley
NY, NY - Wednesday, April 15, 2009 3:20 PM CDT

Scott, it is so uplifting to hear you talking about Zachary. We lost our grandson to cancer and it makes us feel so good to talk about him. Keep up the good work. Love hearing about him.

Betty McCloskey <richnb2@aol.com>
Vero Beach, Fl usa - Wednesday, April 15, 2009 2:02 PM CDT

Thanks for sharing the original story...it is from my pre-lurking days and gave me a great laugh tonight!
Jennifer
St Peters, MO - Tuesday, April 14, 2009 11:50 PM CDT

Scott,
Love the contest idea..I have racked my brain trying to fill in the blank...I will keep thinking @ least until 12:58 today. Congrats to Rebecca on finishing her class.
Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Tuesday, April 14, 2009 8:03 AM CDT

Hey - didn't know having the last name Mathis would ever eliminate me from a contest !!!!! LOL

Diane you know the last name <stubby3620@aol.com>
Hickory, NC - Monday, April 13, 2009 9:49 PM CDT

YOU'RE BOTH IN MY THOUGHTS & PRAYERS. I VISITED THE WEBSITE OFTEN, BUT DON'T ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
SAMMY JAMES <sam_jam39@hotmail.com>
FLATWOODS, KY USA - Sunday, April 12, 2009 9:56 PM CDT

Rebecca, Congrats on completing your medical transcriptionist course! I work from home as a medical transcriptionist. If you have any questions, email me personally, and I would be happy to give you some tips/advice on getting started.
JK
VA - Sunday, April 12, 2009 5:02 PM CDT

OMGOMGOMG I know the answer and I didn't see my name on the list so does it count if I answer???
Kristyn Bundy <Nickjonaslover1554@yahoo.com>
jensen beach, FL - Sunday, April 12, 2009 3:04 PM CDT

I love this idea! I'm trying to come up with a good guess :)
Hope you two enjoy your Easter. Eat lots of ham. :)
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Saturday, April 11, 2009 10:57 PM CDT

Praying for you as this is the First Easter without Zachary..
Hugs from Iowa,
Marjie <jmr@mahaska.org>
- Saturday, April 11, 2009 1:23 PM CDT

Scott and Rebecca, you realize all of the world wide web will be slowed down to a crawl and your site will be bogged down..with people trying to dig thru the thousands of entries to find the answer?!! What fun for us though. I'll be emailing you my answer shortly. :) Praying for you both (and Toby!!) to have a good weekend. Love, Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, LA - Saturday, April 11, 2009 1:19 PM CDT

HEY THE LAST NAME IS MALONE... DOES THAT COUNT OR JUST BECAUSE OF MY LITTLE SCHMIDT IM DISQUALIFIED!! LOL

LOVE YOU AND LOVE THIS STORY!!
ps
i can hear a smile in your fingers today. that makes my heart feel a bit better. xoxoxo
AUDRA MALONE USED TO BE SCHMIDT <grlwndr68@hotmail.com>
UNFAIR IN THE SOUTH, FL - Saturday, April 11, 2009 10:19 AM CDT

I've been away from the internet for a few days so imagine my surprise when I read that the 'whole back tatoo' was an April Fool's prank! GOOD ONE!! I still think it's an awesome tatoo - whose ever back it's on! [does that even make sense?]

I wish I was that creative! The prank I mean - actually the tatoo too for that matter!

As for negative comments.... I realize everyone is entitled to their opinion but it would really be nice if they would keep the negative ones to themselves! If you can't hang with the big dogs get off the porch! Get outta the kitchen if you can't take the heat! Maybe the negative commenter can dish it out but can't take it?! I bit - hook, line and sinker - joke's on me and to me thats the 'funny' part.

You do whatever YOU need to do to cope!

Prayers and positive thoughts! ~gm
Gina Mac
Huntsville, TX USA - Saturday, April 11, 2009 10:08 AM CDT

Call it greedy, call it selfish, call it whatever you want - 14 years is not near enough !! 100 years is not enough if it means you outlive your child! Yes, you were blessed with that 'extra' time after diagnosis - I only wish you could have been blessed with more time - enough to find a cure for this nasty beast!

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you struggle to live this life without Zachary. May the Easter celebration bring you some peace - in knowing that every day brings you one day closer to being reunited with your precious son.

As for the Hallmark cards... such arguments are so insignificant in the big scheme of things! If only people would put their efforts, money and energy toward finding a cure! Then we wouldn't even need cards for people with 'c'........

Good luck with Toby the cat! Sounds like an amusing distraction for you!

My prayers go out to you and Rebecca. ~gm

Gina Mac
Huntsville, TX USA - Saturday, April 11, 2009 9:36 AM CDT

I was hoping I could come here to post that I am your 1,000,000th customer, but I'll take 1,000,016!!! Here's sending you one million (and sixteen) wishes for peace and comfort for you and Rebecca.

And you are not selfish for wanting more time. Were you lucky to have 9 years after diagnosis? Sure, but it is still just wrong for a child to die. Wrong for a child at any age to predecease their parents.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Saturday, April 11, 2009 5:49 AM CDT

Listen Scott, we have five cats AND a dog in the Charlton house, including a new baby kitten. You should be embracing Toby's craziness, duh!

Much love, Christina
Christina Charlton
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Saturday, April 11, 2009 0:32 AM CDT

I can't believe halmark have brought them out in the US (non over here). I've been saying for ages that there should be some so did our own, how ever only do happy ones (http://www.cafepress.com/postpals) to celebrate finishing chemo and do remission ones as well. I couldn't ever imagine doing "sorry you've got the big C", "sorry your joining the cancer sucks club" etc. im so sad there are so many families who never get to celebrate finshing chemo and like your list, getting to see their kids get married, drive a car, or simply just get to see their kids smile again.

On a different note, I meant to sign to say i like your point about people who say "I have a sense of humour but...",theres always one!
viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Friday, April 10, 2009 2:43 PM CDT

Scott and Rebecca,
Keeping you in my thoughts everyday.
Love,
Genna
Genna Bailey <genevieve33436@yahoo.com>
- Friday, April 10, 2009 12:34 AM CDT

I had this epiphany before I had five members of my family die within six months. Everyone feels like saying things like, "they are in a better place, don't feel bad the struggle is now over," YADA YADA YADA! NONE of that helps does it? They are flowery expressions to attempt to heal the broken hearts of those that have lost loved ones. But in my experience. It really doesn't help. If you are like me you don't really care that Zachary is in heaven now. You want him here with you. Grief is selfish. As it should be. After losing my 26 year old brother I looked at my friend in nursing school who had just lost his wife shortly before my loss and said, "there is nothing I can really do to make this better but say, "it sucks" and hug you." That is all I really wanted in reality. Someone to recognize the fact the loss was deeply felt, it sucked hardcore and hug me. That is all. Just validation that what I was going through sucked. So here goes Scott and Rebekah... It REALLY, REALLY hardcore sucks, I get that and if I were there and you were receptive I would hug you till you were ready to push me away.
Through the years of following your journey you have become like family to me even though we have never met. I love the three of you so much and I pray every day that God helps you get through the day just a little easier.
Love,
Bridget
www.caringbridge.org/visit/laurenetto
Bridget <bc2brn2001@yahoo.com>
- Friday, April 10, 2009 2:26 AM CDT

I agree--it would never have been enough and no way are you greedy for wanting more and more and more time. We would all want that. It must suck and I wish I could magically make it better.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Thursday, April 9, 2009 10:41 PM CDT

It was good to read that Toby is doing outstanding in his job of being a cat. We have a nutzilla like that here at Chez Hudson...Bitsy, aka Hellcat. She is currently trying to climb straight up the bookcase as I type. If she could figure out how to open the catfood bin, I think we would be goners.
As for the Hallmark thing, I'm sure their intentions are pure...purely driven by profit. It reminds me of when they came out with divorce cards a few years back. Sigh. I don't get it.
We continue to keep y'all in our prayers, that you are given what ever it is you need to get through each day. As a parent, I don't think there is any number you can say that would be enough time. But the thing that still amazes me about Zachary is that he truly lived and gave more to this world in his 14 years than most of us will ever hope to give. God Bless Y'all.
The Hudson Family <hudsonkats@cox.net>
Hampton, VA - Thursday, April 9, 2009 9:22 PM CDT

No amount of time is ever enough...parents are not suppose to bury their children.
My Rachael was DX with Hodgkins Lymphoma when she was 17. Doctors told us it was a treatable/curable cancer. She was dead at 19...no quality or quantity of life. Doctors suck as much as cancer
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Thursday, April 9, 2009 6:06 PM CDT

Have you ever seen Phoebe run on the show "Friends"? I have a cat that chases the laser pointer just like that. They all act like the tiny red light is crack.

Maybe you should just pick up your feather quill and write a whole line of "cancer sucks" cards. I am sure you could do a better job of saying what needs said than Hallmark. You could even launch your line with cards specifically to send to your health insurance agents. I would love to see what you come up with!!!!!!

On a serious note, 14 years is not enough. Parents are NOT supposed to bury their children. If that child is one year old or 70 years old, the natural order of things does not allow a parent to process the death of the child that they loved and nurtured. Like I said before, I don't even want to imagine what you are going through - but I do think of you and Rebecca often and I miss all the stories about Zachary. I am a total stranger in WV, and your loss has touched my heart. I feel like a better person for having "known" Zachary during his journey. Just remember that Zachary, his story, and your family have an impact on people far and wide, and it is an important one.

Well, now that I went all Dr. Phil on you - when are we gonna see that full back tattoo?

kimybeee
kimybeee
Milton, WV USA - Thursday, April 9, 2009 4:46 PM CDT

My name is Brent Chatwin. I am the father of Sarina's new friend David Chatwin. I was very saddened to hear the news of Sarina's Grandmother passing away this early am. If there is anything I may do to help you folks in any way please don't hesitate to ask. I will be there in a flash. I lost my parent's, David's grandparent's within two months of each other, both at age 82 and not expecting to lose both was quite a shock to my son's and I to say the least. Especially when grandma was so healthy at the time of losing grandpa. Our prayers and thought are with all of you as it is a difficult time to experience a loved one going on. but the best thing about it is she is no longer suffering and is in the best of company. God and her husband.
God bless all of you.
Brent
"J" Brent Chatwin Sr. <b_chatwin@hotmail.com>
Sacramento, CA Sacramento - Thursday, April 9, 2009 11:47 AM CDT

I'm not sure your cat is crazy, schizophrenic, or possessed. Maybe it's just . . . well, a CAT. Isn't that how cats are?
Dog Lover Abernathy
- Thursday, April 9, 2009 11:05 AM CDT

Hi Scott and Rebecca,

I was reading about your cat Toby... Welcome to life with a cat. My cat Kanzie is 11 years old.... and she still runs around the house acting like a 6 month old kitten. My other cat Gracie when given catnip will eat it... and then she will start to hit walls.
Angela
Canada - Thursday, April 9, 2009 10:16 AM CDT

Scott and Rebecca, I think of yall every day. Yesterday, I took my son to take his road test portion of his driver's exam. Out of the blue, standing there among dozens of other parents, I started bawling, and wound up with my mascara running down my face. (I looked like an antique version of a rock star by the time I got things under control. NOT a pretty sight.) But I got to thinking about Zachary, and the fact that yall wouldn't get that experience, and I just lost it. Our daughter died in 1990, and we have missed out on everything that so many parents takes for granted.
Hugs,
Ann
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Thursday, April 9, 2009 9:58 AM CDT

Just wanted you to know that I still check in all the time.. and think of you and Rebecca each and every day.. I saw that 'argument' on the Today show, too.. and agree with your assessment.. While listening I was thinking, maybe some people need the pre-written card because they just don't know what to say (who does???)... and when my son was sick, I just appreciated knowing that people CARED..

Please know that I care... I followed Zachary for years, and feel the loss of someone I never got to meet. He is missed..
Rosemary
- Thursday, April 9, 2009 7:56 AM CDT

Scott glad to see your finding fun ways to get through the days and nights. I missed the tatoo posting; but, I likely would have fell for it... So, I hope you get some pleasure in knowing that cousin dave is just as gullable as the rest of your friends and family... I continue counting down the days until we can get together as a family for happier times. Keep the jokes and tricks coming!!!
Cousin David <dadfelder@aol.com>
Roswell, GA USA - Thursday, April 9, 2009 7:24 AM CDT

I was a little suspious of the tattoo. When you posted the tattoo of your arm, I thought to myself you are one hairy dude. My son is very hairy too. We tease him when he goes swimming that he isn't supposed to wear a sweater in the pool.....LOL. Anyways back to my story. When I saw the picture I was wondering where all the hair went. I thought - don't tell me they had to shave his back to get that tattoo on him. That would be double torture. But I must admit I did fall for it because it wasn't on April Fools Day. So you got me. Z-man would be so proud of you. Your sense of humor definitly rubbed off on him. It's nice to see your sense of humor dispite your grief. Tell Rebecca congrats too.

PS: Tricia- You obviously don't get Scott's sense of humor.
Rosie
Windham, ME - Wednesday, April 8, 2009 2:31 PM CDT

I just wanted to comment that I love your journal entries and I appreciate you continuing to brighten my day with each one. I still think about Zach and your family often. Take Care
Christine, National Children's Cancer Society <cleeper@children-cancer.org>
- Wednesday, April 8, 2009 9:35 AM CDT

I thought it was a hoot and I was thrilled that you did something funny at a time of overwhelming sadness in your life.

Prayers and hugs,
Connie F-G <cdlfg@cox.net>
LaVista, NE - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 10:06 PM CDT

Oh good grief. Why do some people have to be such sticks in the mud? I thought it was hilariously creative.
Natalie (Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 9:04 PM CDT

I know you don't know me from the next person, but I had to say that your April Fool's joke brought a smile to my face. And other faces when I told them about the best one I heard of this year. :) Sending my continued thoughts and prayers!
Amanda N.
MS - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 8:42 PM CDT

Congrats to Rebecca......
Scott I generally read your entries around this time with a hmmmmmm (knowing you)....you have such the active imagination.....Zman would be proud....you really should write more books.....
PS...lighten up Tricia
Ruthie Bunkelmann , Seth's mommy <Rbunkmann@msn.com>
North Palm Beach , Fl USA - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 6:00 PM CDT

Okay, I didn't read the offending comment from Tricia but I do have to say that I don't get why people feel the need to pass judgement on what other people do. It's not like you posted your story and tattoo on her website. Oi vey, humanity.

I just want to say I have always enjoyed (and been TOTALLY taken in) by your pranks. My only downfall is that I am not clever enough to come up with great stuff like that. Since I am a tattoo fan, I was thinking "wow, that tattoo is hot and isn't Rebecca a lucky girl to have an old man with such a sexy looking back." D'oh!

Y'all continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. We send our best wishes to Rebecca in her job search. I have a cousin in TN who has a very successful transcription business she runs out of her home. She started it after working for a large medical group for a few years. They actually contract with her now. It's a great job with lots of flexibility.

Oh yeah, one more thing. How's the cat? You haven't said much about him with all the Tattoogate 2009 stuff going on.

The Hudson Family <hudsonkats@cox.net>
Hampton, VA - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 10:15 AM CDT

I loved your joke and you got me! I think Tricia had pistols tattoo'd to her hips as a young child and now that she is not so young anymore, the pistols have turned into rifles and she is a little bitter about it!
J Berg <jbfarms@wiktel.com>
- Tuesday, April 7, 2009 10:03 AM CDT

Hey Scott, it is so good to see that your sense of humor is still on track and that you are sooo understanding when people disagree with that wonderful sense of humor.lol
Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 8:14 AM CDT

Tricha
I have something to say to you ...nothing you wrote is funny how DARE you try and take Scotts april fools joke away from him and tell him its not funny
Let me give you the low down Scott is a mighty funny man and he prnaks us all the time and we all fall for it all the time I look forward to Scotts pranks
Fast Foorward to today I havnt been here since the day you wrote your thought (witch SUCKS)when I got here this morning I was furious with you how Dare you Scott and Rebecca just lost thier son to cancer and you want to sit on a thrown and cast your disapprolval for the way that Scott did his april fools trick ..I got one word for you your shameful and full of strife
Scott I want you to know you not only had my chain in your hand but Ed was beliving it as well your good my friend ...keep it up when your able I hope it did help it did put a smile on your face for you and Rebecca !!! ED and I support you in all things ..I had to write this over 20 times to make it G rated
Hugz
Ed & Racquell
Formally Werbe Racing <PPrincess2424@aol.com>
www.caringbridge.org/visit/donaldstiffler - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 7:25 AM CDT

Well Tricia is obviously the exception here. It was very funny, you got everyone, and I'm sure everyone (except Tricia) got a good laugh out of it! She really didn't need to say anything...but..oh well.

Thanks for getting us good, once again! :)
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 4:38 AM CDT

I fell for your tatoo story and I thought it was hilarious.

Tricia might have more going on than you're giving her credit for. She wrote that comment on April 1st after all.

I'm just saying ...
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Tuesday, April 7, 2009 2:34 AM CDT

I would NEVER have guessed you for a Wheaties man. Not in a million years. Now, maybe Lucky Charms, or possibly even Coco Puffs....

(I appreciated your joke, Scott, and frankly, I was glad to see it. I think Z-Man would have been mighty disappointed if you HADN'T played your annual April Fool's joke on us.)

Congrats to Rebecca for completing the course!
Juliet <us_browneyes@hotmail.com>
Colorado Springs, USA - Monday, April 6, 2009 11:39 PM CDT

Scott, I think you have a great sense of humor. I remember reading the entry where you said you got a tattoo, and then I looked at the picture and my mouth dropped open. I had a good laugh when you told us it was an april fools joke. I should have known!

Sounds like its time for 'tricia' to take the stick out!

Take care,
Angela
Angela
- Monday, April 6, 2009 11:10 PM CDT

i like alyassa's idea. now that would be really funny, lol
congrats Rebecca and good luck with the job search.
becky miller <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Monday, April 6, 2009 8:19 PM CDT

I could see someone being mad if maybe they secretly worshiped you and saw your picture of "your tat" and ran out and got it done too....THEN, yea I would think it was not very funny. Heh....just a thought =)
alyssa...www.caringbridge.org/ca/bennettboys (my godchildren) <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Monday, April 6, 2009 6:23 PM CDT

Hey there -- sorry for being out of touch. I have been battling a cold.

Let me know when you two are available for dinner. I am having Finestone withdrawls.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Monday, April 6, 2009 5:10 PM CDT

I was hoping you wouldn't see that comment. I'll tell you the truth..when I read about the tatoo being a prank, first I laughed and then I cried. It was so good to see a little of your old spirit shine through, and Zach would have loved your prank. I thought maybe the comment came from someone who was also hurting over Zachary and in that case thought it may be forgivable..but still hoped that you wouldn't see it. Sorry that you did. Keep on letting the sun shine in, whenever/however you can. However "twisted" anyone on the outside might see it, it's nobody's business but your own how you cope..
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Monday, April 6, 2009 5:00 PM CDT

I am not gonna read down and search for the offending comment. I am just gonna say that to spite her you should just get the tattoo!!!!!!!

kimybeee
kimybeee
milton, wv - Monday, April 6, 2009 4:54 PM CDT

You little stinkers! Congrats for still being "at it" after all these years.

Polly@AngelWingsRemembers
- Sunday, April 5, 2009 12:13 AM CDT

Thinking about you all today...praying you are finding a different kind of peace.
Monica Rulon <rulonm@hotmail.com>
- Saturday, April 4, 2009 8:02 PM CDT

Scott, It was great running into you today. Be sure to give hugs annd kisses to Rebecca. I think of you all often and the lessons I have learned. The most important, "Life is too short, live every moment as your last" Love you
Beth <vetchr@bellsouth.net>
Palm City, - Saturday, April 4, 2009 7:08 PM CDT

Scott and Rebecca, since April Fools Day usually occurs on April 1, there was absolutely NO reason not to believe you would be foolish enough to endure 8.5 hours of pain. Little did I know the pain was probably from LYAO ... knowing millions of us would fall for your little joke.

You are both on my mind every day. It is amazing how people you've never met and probably never will can take so much space (in a good way). I continue to pray for you and wish you what you need on this new extended journey you are both on.
Linnae Bosma <l.bosma@comcast.net>
Brooklyn Park, MN - Saturday, April 4, 2009 6:18 PM CDT

Wow - I really believed you had the tattoo, but thought the pic of "your" back looked a bit too young to be yours...tee-hee..

You'd think we'd learn to not believe anything you say around April 1st....

With that being sad, it is completely understandable that this joke is part of your grief.

You're family is still in my heart and prayers.
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Saturday, April 4, 2009 5:10 PM CDT

Yep, you got me again!
Brenda <wduffy6633@aol.com>
Boca Raton, FL - Saturday, April 4, 2009 6:52 AM CDT

Well, you did it again, didn't you? When I read your update and looked at the tattoo pic, the April Fool's jokes from previous years passed through my mind, but not for one moment did I doubt you on this one. I'm on the same boat as the rest.............Gullible's Ship!!!!

I think of you and Rebecca often and wonder what you're up to, but as always, I know you're gonna tell us sooner or later!!! That curiosity and our love for ya'll and Zachary keeps us all coming back!

While I'm here I'd like to ask for some good thoughts or prayers for my husband who we've learned this week has a new tumor in his colon. He's been in remission for 38 months and will be having his 2nd colon resection on Wed. 4/8 with possibly 6 months of chemo to follow.

Love to you both,
Linda
Visit Us Here

Linda Resinger
Farmington, MO - Friday, April 3, 2009 7:33 PM CDT

DAMN... AND TIM SAID SINCE YOU GOT THAT BIG OLE THING HE COULD GET SOMETHING SMALL !! LMAO..
IM NOT TELLING HIM THE TRUTH HEHE TILL AFTER HE GETS ONE!!

WE MISS YOU GUYS VERY MUCH AND HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON
XOXOX
AUDRA AKA TRICKED AGAIN..doh! <grlwndr68@hotmail.com>
STUART, FL USA - Friday, April 3, 2009 2:00 PM CDT

simply put....I am totally gullible.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/laurenetto
Bridget Blalcock <bc2brn2001@yahoo.com>
- Friday, April 3, 2009 12:00 AM CDT

I thought the back tatoo was a "little over the top" but who am I to judge?? Glad it was a joke.
Kari
Orland Park, Il - Friday, April 3, 2009 7:06 AM CDT

D'oh! I was CERTAIN you "officially" LOST YOUR MIND! LOL!!!
Thank God, it was just a joke! ... Therefore, you remain "unofficially nuts"! HAHAHAHAHA!
Love your sense of humor! You crack me up!
Hugz to you and Becca!
Colleen Tropeano <wheels1718@aol.com>
Bessemer, AL - Thursday, April 2, 2009 10:25 PM CDT

I think I am probably the most gullible person on the planet...! You got us early this year! Good one!
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Thursday, April 2, 2009 10:33 AM CDT

that was one early april fools joke....
becky miller <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Thursday, April 2, 2009 9:20 AM CDT

GUILTY! I can't believe I fell for it. Geesh - how long have I known you? 7 years? I couldn't believe you did that but figured what the heck, if he wanted a tatoo that big, then good for him. I'm glad to know you didn't endure 8.5 hours of pain now!
Diane Mathis <stubby3620@aol.com>
Hickory, NC - Thursday, April 2, 2009 8:47 AM CDT

I have fallen every. single. time. Nice one!!! I am only glad I had enough self restraint to not comment on how I did not think your back matched your arm..Now I know why..
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Thursday, April 2, 2009 8:21 AM CDT

Hahaaaa! Well played my friend! It did not even occur to me you were yanking our collective chain...
Shirley <schan031@yahoo.com>
NY, NY - Thursday, April 2, 2009 7:41 AM CDT

I have a good sense of humor but nothing about this is funny.
tricia
- Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:36 PM CDT

Oh my God!! I can't believe I fell for it! I feel like a real idiot. I was thinking the tattoo was a bit big and that maybe you were going a little nuts...but I feel a lot better now knowing that it's just me that was the idiot :-) Thanks a lot!
Erin Doyle <boltsfan19@gmail.com>
Gainesville, FL - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 9:06 PM CDT

KUDOS!
or is THIS entry the actual April fool...what ever helps keep you sane.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Wednesday, April 1, 2009 8:17 PM CDT

well,you certainly fooled me! I check in on you guys everyday,and am still praying for you and Rebecca. I'm glad that you are able to have some fun,knowing that most of us would believe your story. God Bless you Both!
Linda Gentry <pggentry@suddenlink.net>
Sulphur Springs, TX - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 6:39 PM CDT

Oh, you are way to good. I fell hook, line and sinker. I thought oh my goodness 8.5 hours of pain. I am a terrible sucker, but at least I am not alone. You really made me laugh, I hope being so convincing and suckering everyone in, relieved some of your stress and made you laugh too.
Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 1:28 PM CDT

OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...I DO NOT THINK I HAVE EVER LAUGHED SO HARD!!!! When I saw that back tatoo on your back well "the back" ...I thought dangggggg...I was expecting just a little tatoo and then when I saw it I thought wow that was aggressive...I can not wait to tell everyone the story...this is some funny stuff...especially as I was reading felt my tummy drop to my socks...hahaha...ok so anyway...What an inspiration you and your wife are to many many people...you have paved a way for many parents...your son was so very special...thank you for sharing your life with us...I know God has had his hand in it all...you are teaching us left behind to continue to live, laugh, love...there is not a thank you big enough.
Kay
- Wednesday, April 1, 2009 12:05 AM CDT

Scott, you are a mess!!!! Thanks for the laugh. Continually praying for your family.
Margaret Faulkner
Duncanville, AL - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 11:04 AM CDT

You totally got me too....

hilarious!!
Lyndsay http://findingjoyinthelittlethings.blogspot.com/
Canada - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:59 AM CDT

I have been reading here long enough and should of known better but i fell for it hook, line and sinker!

Ive been guilty of late of just being a lurker but i do long on and read all your entries and remember Zachary and think you and rebecca

Take care

vikki
www.postpals.co.uk

ps)This is my second attempt at signing, Caringbridge have done an April Fools too, they removed the numbers and replaced them with a face poking its tongue out!
viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Wednesday, April 1, 2009 9:48 AM CDT

You would think after lurking for all of these years that I would some day learn. Not this time, maybe next year. Thanks for the laugh!!

Kandi <minton3226@windstream.net>
Smiths Grove, ky usa - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 9:47 AM CDT

BUSTED! I TOTALLY fell for and I SO know better than to do that!! I have been a faithful "lurker" for many years and should've known that was build up to April Fool's Day... Oh well, I got a great laugh out of it this morning so it's not so bad being a sucker after all :-)
Heidi <heidi@blairstreeofhope.org>
Fridley, MN - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 8:26 AM CDT

You got me to I should say. I even showed all my co-workers the incredible artwork and everybody was like "WOW" that's so cool!!! Now I guess I'll have to hang my head low for awhile around work. That's okay, it's all good when you still have that sence of humor. Keep it coming.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/carsonruffa

Jackie
WPB, FL - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 7:57 AM CDT

I just had to tell you, that when I just went to enter my last note, instead of the usual four numbers to enter, there was the smiley face that has the tongue sticking out of its mouth. :P Scott??? Or could it be Zachary somehow messing with us? LOL.
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 7:40 AM CDT

you got me too.....
I know how hard it is to loose a child and it is unbeleiveable the things that people say trying to help. for the most part you know they dont mean it as it comes out of their mouth, but it still hurts. I was reading in the guest book where some one said ooh you still have two more, I heard that many times, well, you still have three more. (so what I don't have Mike!!!!!!) hope you you and Rebecca can find some happy moments in every day when you think about some of the good times with Zac. thats about the only way to get through it. One of the funny memories we have is when my 5 year old grand daughter said "well, one of the things I remember about uncle mike is... he sure could f___ ! (pass gas to say it nicer) the way she said it still brings a smile to my face and her mama's too. I think of you both every day, with a prayer in my heart.
Sharon <sholweger5@yahoo.com>
- Wednesday, April 1, 2009 7:39 AM CDT

LOL Scott! I hope that you have a lot of April's Fool Day fun today.
And Rebecca, I'll be praying for you. LOL.
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 7:38 AM CDT

You got me!!! I thought you were going a little too far, but hey I thought, that is how he is dealing with everything! Wow, good one!
Teressa
Burlington, NC - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 7:37 AM CDT

You got me! But, isn't an April Fool's joke supposed to happen on April Fool's? No fair sneaking it in early! Thanks for the laugh.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 6:46 AM CDT

You are freakin' awesome. That was a good one. :)
Rae
Bristow, OK USA - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 6:05 AM CDT

Good one, I love it.

Happy April Fool's.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 1:38 AM CDT

Woops...meant tattoo (two t's)
Juliet <us_browneyes@hotmail.com>
Colorado Springs, USA - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 0:25 AM CDT

Well, dookie. I FELL FOR IT! lololol

But Scott....you know what you have to do, right? As penance for your way-before-April-1st-April-Fool's-Joke, you have to actually get that tatoo, now! And this time, we want pics of your back, with your face turned toward the camera so we know you actually did it. And NO PHOTOSHOPPING, ya hear?

(It's still a VERY cool tat, I have to say.)
Juliet <us_browneyes@hotmail.com>
Colorado Springs, USA - Wednesday, April 1, 2009 0:22 AM CDT

I so totally fell for it
Ruth Trombino <artrombino@cox.net>
Westerly, RI - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 10:18 PM CDT

BUT IT WASN"T EVEN APRIL FOOL's DAY YET!!! LOL. Glad you had fun and really got us good. I'm in the club of lurkers that believed every....last....word....of ....it!! Way to go! Still praying, Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
- Tuesday, March 31, 2009 10:17 PM CDT

You are twisted man! Glad to see some humor here!! I remember that you like to prank, but I would have expected it tomorrow.

kimybeee
kimybeee
milton, wv usa - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 9:56 PM CDT

Oh you are so bad! Still love ya though. Lol. I really did think the tattoo rocked though! I should have seen that coming!
Jennifer Smith <lakerdog2@yahoo.com>
Hidden Valley Lake, ca usa - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 9:55 PM CDT

LOL......DOH, ok...in all fairness it is still March! That was a good one, but seriously...I do think it is cool =)
alyssa...www.caringbridge.org/ca/bennettboys (my godchildren) <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 8:48 PM CDT

Nice one! You continue to bring a smile to this particular lurker and many others like me. Thanks for making me chuckle on this rainy day in Wisconsin.
Nancy Engels <nrengels@yahoo.com>
Appleton, WI United States - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 8:48 PM CDT

Hey I like your style.

Thanks for the laugh.

{{{{Scott}}}}
Leigh
Richmond, VA - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 6:26 PM CDT

Scott and Rebecca,
I am so glad that somewhere deep down inside is still a sick sense of humor!! Good one!!!
Linda Puccio <lcpwp1@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, FL USA - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 6:24 PM CDT

good april's fool joke a few days early...why i didn't see that coming i have no idea because it's typical scott although i will admit i fall for it every year you write about it...it made me laugh :) thinking about you guys always (and really, are you sure you aren't itching for another tattoo?)
Jenn <yankeez-girl2@hotmail.com>
Canada - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 5:08 PM CDT

OUCH! Awesome tatoo! Actually all three of the tatoos are awesome - especially the sentimentality of each one!

I cannot imagine losing a child! No matter what I've endured so far in this life I'm sure it could in no way compare to that of losing one of my children. I am sorry that you have to deal with the people that do not "GET" that their situation doesn't begin to compare with yours. I will continue to pray for you guys and further request that you be spared the ignorance of these people.

May you be blessed with the strength and peace to endure life without your precious Zachary. Each day is one day closer to seeing him again! God Bless! ~g

Gina Mac
Huntsville, TX USA - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 4:25 PM CDT

I have been reading your postings for YEARS...I knew the tatoo was your famous April Fools Day prank. I giggled when I saw the picture, but to write something in the guestbook would have given the prank away!! Bravo Scott!! I'm just a wee bit proud of myself also.. ;-) Cheers and blessings from Canada!
Darlene Brown <darlenedray@hotmail.com>
Canada - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 3:54 PM CDT

Scott,
I think that people just don't know what to say when they hear your story. Maybe they reach back in their minds for something along the lines of "what's the worst thing that ever happened to me?" and then use that as a comparison to your pain. Which comes out all wrong when they try to make that comparison. I think most people are well meaning and would like nothing more than to say something profound that would make you feel better. Too bad very few (myself included) actually have that gift. But I do think of you guys often and hope that you find some happiness and laughter in each day from your many good memories with Zach.

I can't believe you sat through 8.5 hours of pain, men are generally such babies when it comes to needles!

Sherri Ross <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Tuesday, March 31, 2009 11:30 AM CDT

I LOVE the tattoo! It is outstanding. Whoever told you that it wouldn't hurt.........all I can figure is that when they had their tattoo, they were under general anesthesia. You are very brave. I know Zachary must be so proud!

I just think people have no idea what to say. I know the best thing is to say "I'm sorry" and listen and ask questions about your son. But, for me, at least, it is something that I can't really wrap my brain around. You lost your child. How do you survive that? How do you continue to breathe, let alone talk. I know that sounds harsh and not very helpful, but I really don't know how people do it. I know you do it. Life goes on. Life is beautiful and worth living. Zachary would want you to be happy and enjoy life. Very bad things happen to very good people and they survive it. I admire them. I try to learn from what you say so that I can know how to help someone if ever I can.

Thank you again for everything. You will never know how your family has touched my heart.

Lisa
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Monday, March 30, 2009 6:28 PM CDT

Wow - that is a BIT tattoo... you are very brave.
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Monday, March 30, 2009 8:13 AM CDT

That tat is gorgeous!!!

And you are crazy. :)
Cheryl & Jordan Myers <cgmyers@cox.net>
Sapulpa, OK USA - Sunday, March 29, 2009 8:55 PM CDT

I'm so devastated. I haven't looked at Caringbridge in a while then got on here today and saw that Zachary had passed away. I am so sorry. I started following Zachary's journey in 2003 when my 5 year old cousin lost her battle with ALL. Your Zachary always reminded me (in looks and personality) so much of my nephew Zachary, who I adore.

In March of last year my nephew, Foster, 12, (Zachary's brother, who was like a son to me) died suddenly. He was killed in a motocross accident on March 21 2008. It's been a year and a week since he left us. Even though he and your Zachary did not die the same way, the void is the same. I went back and read several of your posts and cried my eyes out because I have experienced all of the things you describe. My sister's house is so quiet without my nephew it upsets me to go there. I can't imagine living there all the time. It sucks. I've had dreams of him too, I'm not crying in the dreams, in my dreams he's still here being himself....then I wake up and reality slaps me in the face. It sucks.

It sucks. The weekend my nephew died that's one of the things his mom (my sister) kept repeating. "This sucks." A year later it's still the only way to describe it. And those words don't really even begin to describe how hard it is to grasp the finality, never seeing him again? How can this be? A year later, I still ask that. And I still have the moments you described where you are brutally reminded by the most mundane thing that you'll never see him again. I keep wondering when it'll get easier. I don't have that answer yet.
My aunt who lost her daughter to ALL was there for us when my nephew died. She told us she was proof that you could live through it. Just get through each day until you can think farther in the future than that. My anxiety hit the roof anytime I thought of living the rest of my life without him, it's so unbearable. Just try to get through today without him.
Zachary, through your posts, seemed like such a great kid, I know you will miss him terribly. You will be in my thoughts for the months to come. I hope that you will somehow find peace, I know how hard it can be.
Thinking of you.
Amy S
Birmingham, AL - Sunday, March 29, 2009 6:18 PM CDT

Wow, what a great BIG tattoo! I think that it looks wonderful! Wanted to let you guys know that although I don't sign as much as I should, I still think of you both often. You continue to be in my thoughts. I pray for your guidance while you try to learn to navigate this Earth without your precious son!
Sherry Contento <Boberry608@hotmail.com>
Jupiter, FL - Sunday, March 29, 2009 11:52 AM CDT

Hi Scott,
I hope that you and Rebecca are doing better, see I didn't say well. You need a disclaimer about the tatoo. HOLY COW!!! It's your whole back. Zach would be so jealous.
Love, Carol
Carol
Garden Grove, CA USA - Saturday, March 28, 2009 9:32 PM CDT

Nice TAT Scott, very tasteful indeed. Still praying for you both and wishing you only the best.
Karen Walker <doggieclips@aol.com>
port saint lucie, fl USA - Friday, March 27, 2009 11:15 PM CDT

Very cool Scott. Just something with regards to 'the things people say'......when Dave had his relapse in2004 I will never forget what one woman said to me....she asked how many children I had and I told her three (including David) to that she just said, 'well, at least you have two other kids'....WHAT?! I knew she did not mean malice...she just didn't know what to say and THAT came out...to which I replied...how many kids do you have??? '5' she said...and I said, okay, pick which one you want to die....I know, very harsh, but she was shocked and I quickly told her that I knew she meant no harm, but that's what it sounded like....Scott, Rebecca- I cannot imagine what you two are going through without Zach...I can't. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you both.
Kathy-mom to David
www.caringbridge.org/fl/david

kathy <joy2jak@comcast.net>
Boynton Beach, FL usa - Friday, March 27, 2009 6:16 PM CDT

WOW!
Barb Abernathy
- Friday, March 27, 2009 10:59 AM CDT

We think of you and Zach often.
Peter Caufield <pcaufiel@yahoo.com>
Lake Worth, FL - Friday, March 27, 2009 9:42 AM CDT

What I've learned from following Zachary's story and other children with cancer is that yes, cancer sucks, but it sucks way more when children are involved. Children with cancer tops the list of "Life is cruel and unfair."

I believe in my heart NOTHING is more devastating than losing a child. I won't even try to imagine how hard it is. I'm sorry that some people are not sensitive to this reality. They are to some degree clueless and they don't truly want to know how hard it is, how very unfair life can be.

Bottom line is if people haven't lived it, they have no clue. Prayers for continued strength. That tattoo is really cool BTW!
Shirley <schan031@yahoo.com>
NY, NY - Friday, March 27, 2009 9:40 AM CDT

WOW is all I can say!!! It is an incrediable tatoo!! Nice to have a one of a kind one as well. Know you have made Zach proud!!! He is looking down from heaven saying, You Da Man!!!
David Daniel <rhondavid@yahoo.com>
- Friday, March 27, 2009 6:48 AM CDT

absolutely incredible tattoo, but, ouch, i must say.
nancy irving <bnirving@sympatico.ca>
toronto, ontario canada - Friday, March 27, 2009 6:09 AM CDT

I like your tattoo.

I am so sorry about the insensitive responses you've been hearing.

Thinking of you and Rebecca at this difficult time.
Leigh
Richmond, VA - Friday, March 27, 2009 1:10 AM CDT

The tattoo ROCKS! It is absolutely gorgeous. Keeping you and Rebecca in my thoughts always.
Jennifer Smith <lakerdog2@yahoo.com>
Hidden Valley Lake, ca usa - Thursday, March 26, 2009 10:58 PM CDT

Wow that is a great tattoo! Very well done too.
Susan Foster <CLF8987@aol.com>
Troy, MO USA - Thursday, March 26, 2009 10:31 PM CDT

Scott,

The first thing out of my mouth when I saw your huge new tatoo was, "Wow, THAT IS GORGEOUS!!!" It really is beautiful, and I love the face hidden in the design, too.

Keeping you and Rebecca in my thoughts,
Juliet <us_browneyes@hotmail.com>
Colorado Springs (in the middle of a blizzard right now), USA - Thursday, March 26, 2009 8:58 PM CDT

I did not lose my child, but during many hours of his struggles during cancer treatment, my mind would wander into those depths of despair, the fear of losing him too real.

Yet, I too do not know what to say to parents who have lost their child. Yes, I am so sorry. But that is so inadequate.

An old friend from many years back lost her grandson early Wednesday. Her daughter is in shock, depression, nearly catatonic. An unexpected death of a little boy. What to say, what to say, what to say? I'm sorry. I'm coming to be there with you. And this should never have happened. There is a hurt in my heart for you as well as the hurt from learning of the death.

Take care, Scott, and take care of Rebecca. Keep writing, and tell us all about a marvelous young man, Zachary who lived a short but very full life.
Cath Young <jamichdapa@yahoo.com>
Mamaroneck, NY - Thursday, March 26, 2009 7:50 PM CDT

Hi Scott & Rebecca: Serious question asked of you in ALL sincerity - is there a "right" or "helpful" or "sensitively correct" comment which IS appropriate under the circumstances??? I have often struggled with truly wanting to be of comfort in various situations where their truly is none.
I know I have been innocently aka stupidly guilty of foot in mouth with several close friends - but they know me well enough to have accepted my apologies for my ignorance in advance. I actually had a note in front of me whenever I called a dear friend whose 23 year old son (that we too loved since birth) was brutally - unnecessarily murdered and tried to train my brain to say "I'm just checking in with you" versus the non-thinking "how are you" that would just normally come out of my mouth.
I for one would really appreciate your input and suggestions. Thanks....
randy <ranweiss@comcast.net>
- Thursday, March 26, 2009 7:32 PM CDT

Oh Yeow! I could never do it. But it looks so, so cool. Way to go!
Natalie (Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Thursday, March 26, 2009 6:00 PM CDT

I Love the tattoo! It looks great. Keeping you in my thoughts every day.

Genna
Genna Bailey <genevieve33436@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, March 26, 2009 5:35 PM CDT

Still checking in with you all. Sorry to hear it is all so tough! I wish there was some kind a real peace for you though I know there is not. I agree with you about people. We had similar thoughts when Payton was in treatment. I think people want to "connect" or think they understand but they don't. I have some people who compared their child's sinus surgery to Payton's tumor removal...not really the same, now is it??? Not sure why people sometimes feel the need to compare their dog's cancer to Payton's and how they "understand"....they really don't. I remember getting very agitated with people in the beginning because I thought they just don't get it but for some reason they think they do! It was frustrating to say the least! I won't begin to pretend that I understand your problems now. I understood your problems before Zachery relapsed. Now you are in a different boat all together! Thinking of you though!
Gin
www.caringbridge.org/fl/paytonbogert <vbogert@cf.rr.com>
- Thursday, March 26, 2009 4:28 PM CDT

Scott...I LOVE IT!!!! Your new ink is awesome! I am sure Zachary is beaming with pride from above!
alyssa...www.caringbridge.org/ca/bennettboys (my godchildren) <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Thursday, March 26, 2009 4:25 PM CDT

Oh my gosh Scott!! You must be crazy ;-) That is a big tattoo! It looks great though, Zach would be proud! As I said at your house when I was visiting, people just don't know what to say. Some try (and fail) and others just admit that we have no clue what you're going through and that we can't imagine what it would be like to walk a day in your shoes. I will stick with the latter because I never know what to say to the parents who have survived what you have gone through. Hang in there and try to ignore those of us who are tactless and naive!
Love, Erin Doyle <boltsfan19@gmail.com>
Gainesville, FL - Thursday, March 26, 2009 4:01 PM CDT

Some of my "favorite" comments:

You're so strong

This always feels a little like, "You are different from me, you're strong so this is why you've got a son with cancer and I don't".

I'm so sorry to hear your family is going through this-- well, at least you had him baptized, now he's good to go!

This came from the woman who ran the pre-baptismal seminar we attended prior to baptizing our sons about a year before Steven's diagnosis.

We're devastated, nothing like this has ever happened to us before, it doesn't run in our family.

From the family of a newly diagnosed boy with a brain tumor, upon discovering that my niece had passed away from a brain tumor 7 years prior to my son's diagnosis.

I forgive them, but sometimes it's hard to forget.
The tattoo is stunning.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Thursday, March 26, 2009 12:02 AM CDT

I'm so sorry you faced that encounter. I recall shortly after losing my Grandson at age 8 from cancer folks stating "at least he no longer suffers and it's for the best"....???????? I know it's not their intent to say anything hurtful...it's a matter of having NO way to relate to this loss. Nana's and Papa's have a double edge as we grieve for our child who's lost theirs. We love our precious grand babies as much .. Those of us who have traveled this journey can wrap our arms around each other..as we have worn the same shoes... still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Cathy (Nana to Markie Jr. JMML angel)
Cathy Charon <ccharon@comcast.net>
- Thursday, March 26, 2009 11:58 AM CDT

Wow, I gotta say, I'm not in any way, shape or form a tattoo type person, but the ones that you guys have are beautiful. Thanks for sharing your feelings so honestly and teaching us through your writings.
Dianna in Louisiana
- Thursday, March 26, 2009 11:54 AM CDT

Love the tat. Sorry for the people who don't know what to say. Just the thought of something happening to my daughter makes my heart hurt so much, I could never in a million years imagine what you are going through.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Thursday, March 26, 2009 11:46 AM CDT

Incredible tattoo! Wish I had the nerve to have a tattoo of one of my Rachael's drawings. I've been talking about doing it, but have never quite made it.

Regarding people trying to equate their experiences with yours...I had one person talk about their dear departed dog, telling me they knew just how I felt. I love animals, but I'd never compare the death of one to the death of my child. It takes all kinds, doesn't it?
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Thursday, March 26, 2009 10:28 AM CDT

WOW that is a crazy hugh tat!!! It is beautiful! Think of you guys often and check in frequently.
Carrie <cbw513@hotmail.com>
AR - Thursday, March 26, 2009 10:01 AM CDT

wow its nice, took me a minute to see the face but wow. i dont think i would be able to get anything close to that size. my finance wants me to get his and our sons initals on me which is easy cuase they are all jvc but the idea of even the tiniest pain i don't like. i give you big big kudos. and also apologize for the types of comments you were talking about.
becky miller <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Thursday, March 26, 2009 9:30 AM CDT

Wow! That is one AWESOME tattoo!! I love it! I have two right now and plan on getting two more. They are addicting. I however, have no plans of getting one anywhere near the size of that 8.5 hour monster :-) Anyway, just thought I'd check in and say, I'm still lurking and you and Rebecca are still in my thoughts and prayers!
Heidi <heidi@blairstreeofhope.org>
Fridley, MN - Thursday, March 26, 2009 8:43 AM CDT

OUCH!!!! I hurt just looking at that! Beautiful tatoo.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
poughquag, NY - Thursday, March 26, 2009 8:42 AM CDT

There is a saying here in my area of Louisiana that popped out of my mouth when I saw the new tattoo. "MY SOUL AND BODY!" LOL That is a HUGE tattoo!! Beautiful!! I can't even imaginge how painful it was but, well worth it I am sure. WAY TO GO! I love it! I'm sorry for the comments people make without thinking and sincerely apologize if I've ever said anything like that to yall. I pray each day that God is giving you strength and comfort to make it thru each minute....With love and remembering Zachary- Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, March 26, 2009 8:39 AM CDT

That' s alot of Tattoo!!!! Always keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, March 26, 2009 8:13 AM CDT

Way to cool! Awesome art work. Thinking of you everyday. Remember minute to minute.
Jackie
WPB, Fl - Thursday, March 26, 2009 7:30 AM CDT

Ouch!! Beautiful Ouch!!! WOW Ouch!!!
And you complained about the cat walking across your back.....Ouch!!!
8 1/2 HOURS??? Ouch!!!

Ruthie Bunkelmann , Seth's mommy <Rbunkmann@msn.com>
North Palm Beach , Fl USA - Thursday, March 26, 2009 6:09 AM CDT

Scott - Are you insane?????????
That would have to hurt more than any word that exists on this planet.

As for the comments - I don't think anything can happen to you that would be worse than losing a child. I just go for the simple "I am sorry for your loss" and leave it at that. Fortunately, most people don't know how to relate to that kind of loss and they suffer from foot in mouth disease trying to say something they think is compassionate or comforting. Keep your chin up and don't strangle anyone!

kimybeee
Kimybeee
Milton, WV us - Wednesday, March 25, 2009 10:27 PM CDT

What a way to honor your son, with the tattoo! I personally think that you are very brave, but what a cool design. I still think about you and your family and pray for you. I have no words that can take your pain away, all we can do is continue to let you know that you are being though about and supported.
Sarah Norton <Norton1286@hotmail.com>
Wyoming, MN USA - Wednesday, March 25, 2009 9:56 PM CDT

Wow, the scholarship is such an amazing idea. I will hopefully be able to donate something in the future, to help the cause, and to help some good to be done in Zachary's name. Still thinking of you guys and praying for you!
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Tuesday, March 24, 2009 10:59 PM CDT

Just checking in. Scholarship sounds wonderful. Will you and/or Rebecca present the scholarship. Our school has a scholarship in memory of one of our students who died in a car crash, with her mom,and her father presents it every year.Carol
carol <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Tuesday, March 24, 2009 8:04 AM CDT

The scholarship is a great idea, and I like the essay topic, too. Zach would be proud!

Juliet <us_browneyes@hotmail.com>
Colorado Springs, USA - Sunday, March 22, 2009 9:23 PM CDT

They call them "grief attacks".....hit ya anywhere anytime. I found the books "validating" ...maybe Rebecca knows what I mean...hard to explain
How about a picture of Toby? That is if ya can get him out from under something and get him to stand still long enough to take a picture. Or set the camera for a night shot when he is walking across your back...
Ruthie Bunkelmann , Seth's mommy <Rbunkmann@msn.com>
North Palm Beach , Fl USA - Sunday, March 22, 2009 6:16 PM CDT

What an a wonderful way to honor Zachary. I think of you often and hope each day you learn to live with the pain a little better than the day before. Not sure if I've posted this in a while but "CANCER SUCKS". My family is still fighing this beast (neuroblastoma) and trying to find a cure with the "Mystic Force Foundation".
Sandi Cooper <jkcwellington@bellsouth.net>
Wellington, FL - Sunday, March 22, 2009 4:09 PM CDT

The scholarship is a wonderful idea and gift to the youth of Jensen Beach. And you and Rebecca are perfect as the people who will keep Zach's legacy alive and growing.

Praying for the day when memories bring more comfort than pain.

Sue G (www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther)
- Sunday, March 22, 2009 12:06 AM CDT

great idea about the scholarship;I'm sure Zach would be so proud
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Sunday, March 22, 2009 9:44 AM CDT

Just stopping by to say hey and that we are still thinking about y'all, keeping you in our prayers and sending good thoughts your way. I had to laugh reading about Toby. We've owned (read: "been owned by") several cats through our 20 years together and they each had their funky little quirks that made them mostly endearing and only occasionally maddening. One of my favorite sayings about cats is that cats are sweet, precious cupcakes...baked by the devil. Hopefully Toby will get his clock straight. If not, just look at it as having a night watch cat. >^.^<
The Hudson's <hudsonkats@cox.net>
Hampton, VA - Saturday, March 21, 2009 10:00 PM CDT

Thinking of you both tonight. Hope you get good rest with no night time escapades from Toby! Praying for you both...Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
- Saturday, March 21, 2009 9:40 PM CDT

Sorry about your 3AM wake up call but you'd better get used to it. Our cat doesn't mind the carrier, car or vet but she minds getting picked up to be put in the box. It is so sad. No 2 are alike. Sending you some hugs & prayers.
margie miller <margiemm54@aol.com>
- Saturday, March 21, 2009 8:51 PM CDT

Spring�s Surprise
By: Anonymous

Close your eyes
And do not peek
And I'll rub "spring"
Across your cheek.
Soft as velvet
Smooth and sleek
Close your eyes
And do not peek.

Hugs and Prayers,
Polly

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers

Polly@AngelWingsRemembers
USA - Saturday, March 21, 2009 2:37 PM CDT

hope your weekend brings you smiles
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Friday, March 20, 2009 10:40 PM CDT

You know, almost all of my cats have been (and still are) nocturnal! Good luck trying to break Toby of his night time walks.......
Pat <patricia.manning@comcast.net>
Antioch, CA USA - Friday, March 20, 2009 9:39 PM CDT

Just letting you know I think of you, Rebecca, Toby and of course Zachary each day.
Terri Grant <route66hello@aol.com>
Carlisle, Ma - Friday, March 20, 2009 8:27 PM CDT

Ah yes, I do know much about trying to get a cat into a carrier. Picture cat with legs splayed as wide as he can while I tried to push him into the carrier. Spent the whole car ride yowling. Arrives at the vet covered in drool. In the exam room, we had to pour him out onto the table, where he would proceed to sit quietly while the vet did his work. When it was time to leave, he would readily walk back into the carrier. More yowling and drooling on the way home, then glaring at me for the rest of the day.
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Friday, March 20, 2009 8:45 AM CDT

That cat sounds like fun...I was just thinking of you both as I looked at my little picture frame that Rebecca gave me...it's in my special cabinet! I think of Zachary often, he was an amazing young man....embedded in my memory is the Winn Dixie story - I will never forget when Rebecca told me and at my house where he ran like crazy to get away from Sineads crazy dog!! You are doing a good job Scott, staying busy and lending a hand to others - you are pretty fantastic!
Colette McKnight <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Port Saint Lucie, f; United States - Friday, March 20, 2009 7:21 AM CDT

Just checking in on you two. It won't be long before your Toby will have made your home his domain and will be sleeping when you are........probably on that back he's been treading!! He's still in the process of checking you out! We have a Toby-cat, too. He used to be at the "beck and meow" of all the neighborhood females, but we had that little "problem" taken care of, so he spends a lot more nights in the house now!!

Still keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers and hope things are going well for you!!

Linda
Come Visit Our CarePage

Linda Resinger <resinger15@bigrivertel.net>
Farmington, MO - Thursday, March 19, 2009 10:14 PM CDT

You are lucky that he is just purring. Last night my cats tp'd the house. I think they had rolls out of both bathrooms everywhere when I left for work this morning. My husband got to clean up that one!

When will the sequel to the first book be coming - I treasure my triple autographed copy of the first!! Maybe Rebecca should write the mom's version of the first part of the story....

kimybeee
kimybeee
milton, wv usa - Thursday, March 19, 2009 8:48 PM CDT

Day by Day, Hour by Hour, Minute by Minute...... Praying for and Thinking of You.
Dianna in Louisiana
- Thursday, March 19, 2009 8:24 PM CDT

Good luck with breaking the cat. Mack never once slept thru the night. About 3 - 4am, he would purr very loudly and demanded for me to pet him. Just get use to a night-time friend!

BTW, when are you guys going to let me buy dinner?
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Thursday, March 19, 2009 8:04 PM CDT

Still here, still reading, still keeping you in my thoughts. Congrats to Rebecca on finishing her course!
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Thursday, March 19, 2009 12:37 AM CDT

Thinking about you both...and praying
We don't have a cat... :)
Yay for Rebecca! It think that's awesome...!
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Thursday, March 19, 2009 9:44 AM CDT

Yea for Rebecca. Hope Toby stops waking you up. Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Thursday, March 19, 2009 7:55 AM CDT

Continuing to keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Cindy/Angel_Wings
Cindy
IGH, MN USA - Wednesday, March 18, 2009 11:47 PM CDT

Death is no more than passing from one room into another.
But there's a difference for me, you know.
Because in that other room I shall be able to see.
- Helen Keller
You guys are on my mind and in my prayers--
peace to you...

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Wednesday, March 18, 2009 11:43 PM CDT

It sounds as if you may need to shut your door with Toby on the other side at night. He could turn YOU into a nocturnal creature also if he keeps waking yall up! It's real easy to get in a habit. Our new puppy had that issue at first but she's settling in. We have a blanket over her crate and a radio playing softly. Is she spoiled or what?? LOL My husband won't let me play the music I like for her, it has to be COUNTRY. So when I do wake up, I cringe with the twanger music. UGH. I pray Toby settles in soon and becomes more affectionate during the DAYLIGHT hours...You both are in my prayers daily. Congratulations Rebecca!! I know you're proud of what you've accomplished. :) Hugs, love and prayers for you both. Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Wednesday, March 18, 2009 9:32 PM CDT

Quote from Lament for a Son....
"Rather often I am asked whether the grief remains as intense as when I wrote
(sic 10 years earlier). The answer is no, the wound is no longer raw. But it has
not disappeared. That is as it should be. If he was worth loving, he is worth
grieving over. Grief is existential testimony to the worth of the one loved.
That worth abides.
So I own my own grief. I do not try to put it behind me, to get over it, to
forget it.....If someone asks, "who are you, tell me about yourself", I say -
not immediately, but shortly - "I am one who has lost a son". That loss
determines my identity, not all of my identity, but much of it. It belongs
within my story"
Nicholas Wolterstorff - Lament for a Son, 1997

Archie
father to Alastair, dx parameningeal ARMS Nov 06, relapsed April and Nov 08, became rhabdo angel Dec 08, forever 18
Archie Wilson <wilson5@unwired.com.au>
Sydney, NSW Australia - Wednesday, March 18, 2009 0:47 AM CDT

Yep, still checkin' on you guys and sending prayers.
Natalie (www.caringbridge.org/oh/finnrooney) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 10:57 PM CDT

Praying for you guys always!
Joy/Angel_Wings
Joy Stoerger <joystoerger@yahoo.com>
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 7:28 PM CDT

Holding all of you in my heart and prayers...
alyssa...godmother to Ciara, Hunter and ^Tommy^ <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 7:22 PM CDT

Still thinking of you & keeping you in my prayers.
Margie Miller <margiemm54@aol.com>
Winter Springs, FL - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 7:15 PM CDT

May the Lord shower you with His strength and comfort. Praying for you....

Valerie/Angel_Wings
Valerie Brock
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 6:32 PM CDT

My heart is with all of you as you grieve for Zachary. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and very close to my heart. God bless all of you.

Angel Hugs and Love, Julie---Angel_Wings
Julie Price <angel_collector@ymail.com>
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 6:31 PM CDT

May your life be long
May your heart be true
May your path be clear
and my your skies be blue.

May your soul be happy
and your spirit light
May you know deep joy
May your dreams take flight.

May God bless you today
and always!

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers

Polly@AngelWingsRemembers
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 6:03 PM CDT

Keeping you in our prayers.......
Manda/Angel_Wings <mandaandalanqueen@yahoo.com>
Erwin, TN USA - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 5:50 PM CDT

Have been reading for about 6 months. You are in my prayers daily.....and will stay there....always.

Terri
Terri Cook
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 5:30 PM CDT

Hi Scott,
For me a breakdown came with a jar of peanut butter...go figure!

Personally I don't think it will ever get easier...I'll just (and that is a small just) learn to live with it...or not.

Anyhow...You're never far from my thoughts and prayers

Carol/Angel_Wings
Nana to ^^John Eric^^NB
http://www.carepages.com/carepages/johnericbartels/
http://www.thejebfoundation.com
Carol Brothers <carolab7@comcast.net>
Finksburg, Md. United States - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 3:59 PM CDT

Scott,
My heart goes out to you and i can't be one of those who tell you "It will get easier" my husband and i have lost two children within an hour of each other and there are days our grief is just as fresh as it was the night it happened.Yes we have adjusted in our own way with Gods help we get through each day and Praise "Him" for the time we had with our girls..My friend we all grieve in our own way and in our own time and even though there is nothing that i can say to ease your pain please know that you remain extra close in my prayers.
Trish/Angel_Wings/AngelWingsRemembers <byangeltrish@aol.com>
Pall Mall, TN USA - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 3:49 PM CDT

Long time lurker, first time commenter......thinking about you! Always will.
Laura <lsk_100@yahoo.com>
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 3:21 PM CDT

God bless your family. I'm certainly praying and asking the Lord to continue to mend your broken hearts. You are loved.
Tracy/Angel_Wings <maverickmom08@sbcglobal.net>
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 3:17 PM CDT

I think healing is such a broad term. Healing means many things to so many people. I do not believe that time heals. I believe that you learn how to live through your grief. You learn how to live with your grief. You learn how to live a "new normal". It usually is the strangest things that will bring back such emotion.

I pray for you both everyday, as well as for Zachary's extended family and his friends. He is a part of so many people's lives. It really is amazing. You have all blessed so many lives by sharing your journey. By sharing your feelings you are helping others. Zachary taught us all how to live, as did you.

Cancer sucks.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 11:24 AM CDT

You may not realize it now, but in time it does get a bit easier. 28 years have passed since I lost my precious little one and I still have times where I sorta loose it but when those times come, I try to remember all of the good times we had even though we only had him for seven years. When I have my down times, I think back to the day that my little one said, "don't cry for me. I'm going to be an angel and I'll take care of you." So many times I've felt his presence during my down times and those down times seem to turn into happy times. It's my prayer that you will seek guidance and comfort through our Lord Jesus Christ. May God continue to bless you and yours.
Cathy Hendrix
W Monroe, LA USA - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 11:22 AM CDT

Thinking of you two...........

Love, Linda
Linda Resinger
Farmington, MO - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 11:17 AM CDT

It does get easier,.... what no one tells you is that it takes lots of years for it to get easier.
and that even 15 years after my son died I still have emense grief hit me at odd moments.... but the good minutes are so much better and more close after awhile
knowingi that you did every thing for him that you possibly could (and more) will help.
IN the mean time, I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers cause I kow its unbearably hard. NO one should go thru what these cancer kids have to. no one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sharon <sholweger5@yahoo.com>
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 10:26 AM CDT

Finally watched Kyle's video and was happy and sad at the same time when I saw the great pic of Zachary included. Continuing to pray for your peace and comfort.
Jennifer Doskal <jendoskal@yahoo.com>
St. Peters, MO - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 10:12 AM CDT

I think of you both daily. You remain in my prayers as you navigate these uncharted territories. I'm so sorry that the darn box of medicine stirred everything up for you at work. My heart hurts for you both.
I am glad to hear you check the guestbook daily. I'll start writing more again. :) Know that you're not alone and we're all still praying for you. Hugs and love, Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
- Tuesday, March 17, 2009 8:25 AM CDT

Scott & Rebecca
March 16th (yesterday) has been 3 months since my husband passed from Cancer which had only been detected in October. I totally understand your moments. They suck! That's putting it midly. For almost a year (April 16) I had been so consumed with worry about my nephew Carson and his diagnosis of Germ Cell Carcinoma. Watching my sister and brother-in-law go through the agony of worry and fear. Of course Carson kept everybody's spirit's up with his positivie attitude. He is amazing. Zach's battle and your journal helped them to understand what they were up against. I personally thank you for being the man you are and the father you will always be to Zach. I also take each moment by moment, day to day. I miss my husband terribly but it is of some comfort knowing he his up there protecting my nephew. He told all of us he would take one for Carson and he did. Caron's latest scans and tests show no Cancer activity.......Praise God.
I ask you to keep journaling because you don't realize the magnitude of people who need to hear your words of wisdom.
Take care and God Bless.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/carsonruffa

Jackie
WPB, FL - Tuesday, March 17, 2009 6:10 AM CDT

Scott and Rebecca,

I read the entry - and oh does it remind me of the familiar suffering of losing a child. I am praying for your guys- for comfort from heaven,from your beloved son, Zachary ,and from all the wonderful friends and people in your lives. I am happy to be one of them.

We live second to second, one minute to the next minute----
Jayne
Jayne Fairchild <jaynefairchild@yahoo.com>
Jensen Beach, FL US - Monday, March 16, 2009 10:13 PM CDT

Scott and Rebecca,

I hope and pray that even though you have days where ear medication can bring you to your knees, that you have more days where memories of Zachary bring you some sort of peace. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
Christi <hamilton.fam@cox.net>
CA - Monday, March 16, 2009 9:16 PM CDT

Still praying thanks for being honest as usual and letting us lift you up in prayer. May Zach send you some good signs to help you along this path of your journey.
Hugs from Iowa,
Marjie <jmr@mahaska.org>
Oskaloosa, Iowa United States - Monday, March 16, 2009 9:05 PM CDT

Read your mail of Sunday, and know how you feel. I can't talk about Lillian without crying. At night I keep reaching over to touch her and she isn't there, then I realize she will never be there again. I cry and can not get back to sleep. These are very long nights. I thought I was prepared, but I'm not. She had a lot of Pain and suffered & failed for the past three years. I am sad that she is gone, but glad she is not suffering any more. She is at peace with Zack, and enjoying each other. She loved him dearly. Sure is lonely here in the house without her the days are long and empty. Sure is the worst year I have ever had.
Leon Burke <lilleonb@AOL.com>
Buzzards Bay, Ma. USA - Monday, March 16, 2009 8:55 PM CDT

My best friend committed suicide three years ago when we were 17. It still fucking sucks. This is a letter I wrote to her on the three year anniversary of her death just this past February 23. I thought I would share...

TT,
The pain of losing you still brings a massive lump to my throat, one so big that swallowing hurts and I nearly choke, but I welcome the choking feeling because it reminds me of the over-seasoned scrambled eggs you made me every morning after a sleepover. And those eggs were awful, I�m pretty sure they were made of mostly spices and not eggs, but I ate them anyways. I miss them now, and I�d do anything to get a taste of them again, if it meant you were standing in the kitchen making them for me.

Tears well in my eyes and make my mascara run down my cheeks as they fall. �You look like effing shit,� you�d say, and I�d laugh and sarcastically tell you how nice you were to me. I miss your voice; it was a little bit raspy, which I told you was because you were always so damn loud. You never shut up. Neither did I. We talked � we talked about everything and we made lists of the good and bad things that were going on with our lives. And the good always outweighed the bad, and it still does.

You filled a void in me somewhere, and with you now gone, that part of me feels empty. Not entirely though, because you left your mark. How could you not? You made sure everyone knew who you were and what you stood for, and I admire you for that. I remember when we took the African drumming class and learned the call and response song �Ada me mune tsio e�. ya ya cum bele� which took a similar meaning to �take it slow, rushing causes big problems�. You always did the call, and I, the response, but the song is meaningless without both halves, it needs you. I need you.

I hated your memorial service, the first one, the one the school held in a church. I laughed as others wept. You weren�t religious but the reverend kept mentioning God. It wasn�t a service for you, they mentioned you, but you would have laughed with me. The second one was much better; the one in the restaurant, nearly a month and a half after you left us. People who loved you came and ate a lot of food while we watched slideshows of your life and friends and family spoke of how you lived. Your mom asked me to say something, so I played and sang the African drumming song, and mentioned the day softball practice was rained out, and instead of just going home like everyone else, we took advantage of the rain soaked hill that led up to the field. We ran and slid down it what felt like a hundred times, the thick mud caked our clothing. And we had to wash those clothes three times before all the mud would come out. Everyone was crying when I was done, even though I just talked about a couple of muddy teenagers.

Your flip-flops grossed me out. You knew it too, so you�d make sure they were as close to my face as you could get them when the �timing was right.� You wore them so much the white foam soles had dirtied to a disgusting shade of brownish-gray from their over-use. They still hold the shape of your feet and your clothes still hang in your closet holding the shape of the rest of you. You liked to call and wake me up way too early before school to get help with which shirt to wear �blue, green, yellow, or pink?� you�d ask, and I�d respond, and you�d wear whatever color I said. You belong in those clothes, and I wish I could still get frustrated with you for calling and waking me up at 6:00am every Monday through Friday if it meant I could hear your voice again. But you won�t call, because you�re not here, and I no longer have the same phone number because time goes on and things still change without you. As much as I wish they wouldn't.

I found an old notebook in my bedroom at home, it was from our sophomore year of high school, the page was dated Friday, February 4, 2005 and on it was written �quit taking notes you big NERD!!� in your handwriting with a sketch of a muffin beside it as your signature. And that�s what I called you, Muffin, because of the time you put your blonde, messy, hair in a bun on the top of your head and between intense laughter and consequential gasps for air I told you it looked like a muffin, banana nut, I think. From that day, I realize now, I only got 384 more days with you, but they were wonderful days. And the days that followed and the ones that have yet to come are still amazing and treasured, just different.

I�m still here. I�ve changed, I think, but I am still here. Ready to give you your �. . .ya ya cum bele,� as loud as you want it.

I love you, Tiane.
Haley

Oh, and I have NB like Zachary did.
Haley <hau5@unh.edu>
Durham, NH 03824 - Monday, March 16, 2009 8:29 PM CDT

No words to heal your hearts (that can't be done) just know that you are thought of often.
Nancy <nrengels@yahoo.com>
Appleton, WI United States - Monday, March 16, 2009 7:42 PM CDT

I am so glad that you continue to share your journey with us...I would miss you if you did not. I have no words of wisdom only a numb sense of bewilderment everytime I come here and realize that Zach really is gone. I sometimes think I made a mistake and he is still fighting really hard. It is painful to remember he really is gone and I know I am not even scratching the surface of your grief. You are often in my thoughts and prayers at the most random times...I hope that brings you comfort in some odd kind of way.
Monica <rulonm@hotmail.com>
- Monday, March 16, 2009 5:49 PM CDT

thank you for your help this weekend, I appreciate you both so much!!
colette <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Psl, fl - Monday, March 16, 2009 5:35 PM CDT

Dear Scott and Rebecca,
Thank you for being so open as you go on this journey. ALL of us face disease, death and dying and will be touched by it with our loved ones or self if not already. Your courage and raw honesty is far reaching. You may not appreciate it now as you are in the midst, but by expressing all of this, you not only allow us to share the grief with you, you give us hope that we too can survive with such courage.
Jeanette Brown
WPB, FL USA - Monday, March 16, 2009 5:22 PM CDT

Thinking about yall today, and every day.
Hugs,
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Monday, March 16, 2009 5:17 PM CDT

Thinking of you today. God Bless you both.
Amy
- Monday, March 16, 2009 5:03 PM CDT

Thinking of you.
Genna <genevieve33436@yahoo.com>
- Monday, March 16, 2009 4:59 PM CDT

still praying for you all. Blessings
Vicky <hoosiermomma2@msn.com>
Plainfield, In - Monday, March 16, 2009 4:24 PM CDT

Lurkers love you and wish you well. \O/\O/\o/\0/
SheaSV
Freedom, WI - Monday, March 16, 2009 4:22 PM CDT

Came upon your page through my Chemo Buddy's page (I am a Chemo Angel). I had to share my grief story...My sister passed away 3 1/2 years ago at the age of 42 from colon cancer. This past fall around Halloween I was in the grocery story and had a nearly full cart of groceries when I came upon these spice cookies that are in an orange box and they only sell around Halloween. They are the nastiest rock hard cookies ever but my sister loved them. As soon as I saw that box I just completely broke down in the grocery aisle to the point where I had to leave the store and all my groceries inside. Once it passed, I had to laugh as I pictured my sister up in heaven laughing at me blubbering in the local grocery store over a box of cookies.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
Robin W
- Monday, March 16, 2009 1:45 PM CDT

Continuing to keep both of you and your families in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa
Lynnwood, WA - Monday, March 16, 2009 1:07 PM CDT

my two inspirations...i think of you always...and my hero Z-Man ur always on my mind, in my thoughts, in my heart, pretty much everywhere.
Jenn <yankeez-girl2@hotmail.com>
Canada - Monday, March 16, 2009 12:33 AM CDT

thinking of you both everyday :)
Jenn <yankeez-girl2@hotmail.com>
Canada - Monday, March 16, 2009 11:47 AM CDT

I don't have any words of wisdom and I don't believe you are looking for any, but I did want you to know that I still check your site everday.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Monday, March 16, 2009 11:34 AM CDT

Thinking of you today.
Beth S
- Monday, March 16, 2009 11:33 AM CDT

I am not naive enough to believe that time heals all wounds. What your family has been through is more than any family should have to bear. I am astounded that Zachary battled NB for nearly nine years...that is just staggering. He is the strongest person I have ever come across. His light will shine on forever.
Shirley <schan031@yahoo.com>
NY, NY - Monday, March 16, 2009 10:37 AM CDT

Hello, I am just stopping by to say Hi and send my love. I always hated those sayings. I have my own after going through this torture and hell. "The pain does ease but not for about 3 years. "The heartache NEVER goes away"... After my daughter Tiffanie died I lost my mind in the middle of the grocery store over a box of pop tarts which were her very favorite. I still try to avoid the pop tart aisle. Now those moments are further away. The other day I was at the store and a box of marshmellow peeps gave me that horrible feeling in my gut then a big chuckle. Now I think of it as her way of showing me she is still with me.. She loved to eat marshmellow peeps and stick them in the microwave and blow them up... LOL..
Hugs Deneen
www.caringbridge.org/page/tiffanie
Deneen Gethouas <dgethouas@comcast.net>
Enola, PA USA - Monday, March 16, 2009 10:31 AM CDT

Again, I struggle to find words to write to you, but I know there are none eloquent enough to take away even a bit of your pain. I'll just again say that I am very sorry for your loss and will be praying for you both.
Dianna in Louisiana
- Monday, March 16, 2009 10:28 AM CDT

Scott,
Another lurker signing in to tell you that I pray for Rebecca and you daily. I cannot imagine what you are going thru. THANK you for the updates. I know it must be hard for you to update us, but all of us who loved Zachary and Rebecca and you still enjoy the updates. I pray for comfort for both of you.
Vickie Whicker <avsecg@aol.com>
NC - Monday, March 16, 2009 10:26 AM CDT

I've had the following on my Rachael's CB site for some time now:
"Real grief is not healed by time...
If time does anything, it deepens our grief.
The longer we live, the more fully we become aware of who she was for us, and the more intimately we experience what her love meant for us.
Real, deep love is, as you know, very unobtrusive, seemingly easy and obvious, and so present that we take it for granted. Therefore, it is often only in retrospect-or better, in memory-that we fully realize its power and depth.
Yes, indeed, love often makes itself visible in pain."
-Henri Nouwen

It's been 6 years since Rachael died, and not for a second has time healed, the day dawned brighter, or have I been better able to 'handle' the devastation of her death.

Sadly, there are too many of us who identify with what you are going through.
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Monday, March 16, 2009 10:25 AM CDT

I've been following a long time and have not been down the road you travel but heres some things I copied from another blog of someone who has. Praying....

"Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief."
Psalm 31:9

Grief - By:Gwen Flowers

I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete,
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself-
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.

Amy Grady <amyg@capitaltower.com>
Waverly , NE - Monday, March 16, 2009 10:11 AM CDT

yes sadly weird things can trigger raw emmotion and it doesnt matter how much time has passed. my father passed away april 21 last year from cancer and when i drive to work a ceratin section always made me start thinking and cry. now it will happen once in awhile and i dont even need a sad song on. i think it might be because there is the closest to where my dad is buried, im not sure. i always hate when it happens cuase then i worry what ppl might think when i get into work. i can only imagine your own child everything is magnified. i am glad you are enjoying toby and he seems to be adjusting slowly.
becky miller <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Monday, March 16, 2009 10:05 AM CDT

I was reading the paper and a quote made me think of you. It was made by the Rev Al Meredith as he spoke to the Illinois church who lost their pastor in a shooting. He said,

"You're never going to get over it. But, with God's grace, you're going to get through it."

Prayers and hugs,
Connie F-G <cdlfg@cox.net>
LaVista, NE - Monday, March 16, 2009 9:32 AM CDT

Dear Scott and Rebecca,

I just want to say you are on my mind today.
Linnae Bosma <l.bosma@comcast.net>
Minneapolis, MN - Monday, March 16, 2009 9:18 AM CDT

Hi Scott and Rebecca,
Here is a quote - that is so true when speaking of grief. Your experience the other evening at your store is so much like this. It came from "Memoirs of a Geisha". It describes grief so well, at least it did for me.
"Grief is a most peculiar thing; we�re so helpless in the face of it. It�s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it."

Thinking of you! Teressa

Teressa
Burlington, NC - Monday, March 16, 2009 9:06 AM CDT

Thinking of you every day! Usually when I have grief bursts, they are almost always at work or sometimes when I'm driving. There are certain songs that will throw me into into one in a split second. Your kitty cat sounds adorable. Take care you guys and know that Randy and I are always here if you need anything.
Love, Tam
Tammy Roberts-Ward <wardpalm@aol.com>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Monday, March 16, 2009 8:30 AM CDT

My dad made the best split pea soup in the world and 6 months after he died I had a major melt-down in the grocery store over a can of split pea soup. Scared me too. I felt very unstable and worried about what else would cause melt-downs and how long would they go on. I am sorry that happened to you . Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Monday, March 16, 2009 8:25 AM CDT

I lost my dad almost 2 years ago and it still amazes me what will send me into tears. Your loss is still so very fresh I expect it will happen more often. Losing my dad was heartbreaking yet a natural life progression. Losing your son was not a natural life progression. A parent should never lose a child.

Checking on you daily and I'll try to be better about signing more often. Thanks for the update.

Prayers and hugs,
Connie F-G <cdlfg@cox.net>
LaVista, NE - Monday, March 16, 2009 7:55 AM CDT

I am a lurker, and for that I apologize. I just want you to know that you and Rebecca are in my thoughts and prayers every single day.. I did sign before, but I will say it again.. I am so so sorry for your tremendous loss. Every time I read a Zachary story I had a picture of him in my mind, and I feel like we lost someone we all knew. You are that good at 'painting a picture'..

God bless you both..
Rosemary
Clifton Park, NY - Monday, March 16, 2009 7:20 AM CDT

Thinking of you and Hoping for better days. Our good friend is a Manager at CVS in Wisconsin. Small world I guess hehe
Cortney H. <Sexy43084@hotmail.com>
Beloit, - Monday, March 16, 2009 6:33 AM CDT

Dear Scott,

From my own experience, I can attest that there's no way to anticipate some of the things that remind a person of a great loss. Those reminders just completely blindside you, and the grief that washes over you is a swift and devastating thing.

I hope you understand what I mean when I say that feeling such terrible loss and sadness is the best indicator of great love. Zachary knew that love, and grew into the wonderful young man he was, because of it.

I wish I could hug you both.

Take care,
Juliet <us_browneyes@hotmail.com>
Colorado Springs, USA - Monday, March 16, 2009 1:26 AM CDT

Dear Scott,

It does not get better,but it will get different.

Love to you and your wife.
Lee
Richmond, VA - Monday, March 16, 2009 0:45 AM CDT

Zach, Zach, Zach...
How many times I've come to this page for inspiration. I know it's ugly and selfish but I came here when *I* felt bad! I KNEW that however bad the news are there will always be the "light at the end of the tunnel". My wife kept telling me what a terrible person I am for reading a cancer kid's page and LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF. All thanks to your wonderful father... no... not like that... Father... capital F.

I knew about your death (yes, I DID try to find a better word to describe this... couldn't) but there was absolutely nothing I could say to make it feel better.

I first came to this page... I don't know... several years ago. I was amazed at how much LIFE you and your family had in you. Whatever happened you always looked at the bright side.

Then one day I read your father complaining about you misbehaving at school and that was so... NORMAL!!! I thought, hey, the kid's definitely gonna be JUST FINE! If you have energy to drive your old man mad, you have energy to do EVERYthing!!!

In Russia we believe that a person's soul stays here on Earth for 40 days before going to heaven. I'm sure you spent your 40 days visiting ALL strip bars from New York to Tokyo and from Lapland to Cape Town. :-D Admit it!!! :-) Hope you liked it. I know I did!

Funny... right this moment the U2 song "Kyte" is playing in my headphones. "I know that this is not goodbye". Definitely hope so!!!

Scott, Rebecca... time DOES heal wounds but it takes a f*cking lot of time to do that. I know that if *I* - an absolute stranger from Russia - miss Zachary, I can... or rather canNOT imagine how much YOU miss him. I don't know any GOOD words and saying bullshit is just useless. Just be strong... yet another bullshit... Just put your foot in front of another again and again and just keep walking.

Love you lots!
Leo <goomba4ever@mail.ru>
Irkutsk, Russia - Monday, March 16, 2009 0:45 AM CDT

I WISH I HAD SOME GREAT WORDS TO SHARE WITH YOU. YOU BOTH ARE IN MY THOUGHTS & PRAYERS.
SAMMY JAMES <samjames@roadrunner.com>
FLATWOODS, KY USA - Monday, March 16, 2009 0:20 AM CDT

wishing you both a week filled with fond memories and not too many tears.
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Sunday, March 15, 2009 11:55 PM CDT

we still think about you two and are definitely praying for you. Thank you for continuing to update your site...and let us know how you are doing.
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Sunday, March 15, 2009 10:18 PM CDT

Thinking about you all. No great words of wisdom for you. There are none to make it better...I sure wish there were. Just know that there are a lot of people out here thinking about you and praying for you.
Kellie <kelliekea@hotmail.com>
Tyler , Tx USA - Sunday, March 15, 2009 10:14 PM CDT

I'm still thinking of you and reading your entries every day, even if they don't change. To be honest, I can't believe Zach is gone at all..and I am a stranger! You have the gift of being able to paint such pictures with your words that I felt like I knew him all these years (of mostly lurking) and it is still surreal to me. I don't know how you live it every day and can't think of a single cliched thing to say that could possibly sound remotely un-hollow in the face of what you must be going through. I wish I could make it better..I wish a lot of things..I pray for you all every day, and hope for good memories to fill your hearts.
Jacqueline
Southwestern, CT - Sunday, March 15, 2009 9:28 PM CDT

2 months......It must seem like 2 eternities since you have been in Zachary's physical presence. I can't figure out how you get through something like this. But, people do. One day at a time. One minute at a time. You are surrounded by love and friends and family. You have a very special guardian angel with you at all times. I pray for you and think of you every day.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Sunday, March 15, 2009 7:13 PM CDT

I have felt drawn to this site all afternoon, I just now realized that it has been 2mths since Zman passed.
I can only imagine the feelings and thoughts going on with you all today, you are probably living every moment of the day 2 mths ago, the last day of Zman's earthly presence with you.
I know the pain in your heart, there are now words to heal that pain, only your memories of Zman can help you today and everyday forward.

Praying that you can comfort each other, knowing Zachary is watching over you.
Gail <mum_41@hotmail.com>
Toronto, ON Canada - Sunday, March 15, 2009 2:05 PM CDT

AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Thursday,
March 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
all the children, teens and adults on our
prayer lists and our AngelWingsRemembers
families.

Thank you for joining us.

Sincerely. . . .Polly
Co-Owner

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors

AngelWingsRemembers

Polly@AngelWingsRemembers
- Saturday, March 14, 2009 5:04 PM CDT

thinking of you both and what wonderful parents you are
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Friday, March 13, 2009 10:40 PM CDT

Rebecca and Scott, I have to tell you both that I truly admire yall. I was so sick when I read about Kyle. Too many children and their families are facing this horrible nightmare. And when I read about the two of you being there for the Wahl family, I just cried, knowing that you are stepping out of your grief, to help another family that is going through the same hell.
Zachary was so lucky to have the two of you. And I feel very blessed that you shared your beautiful son, and allowed me, and so many more strangers, to read about your journey with childhood cancer. We're going to stay strong in the fight for a cure, and pray that it happens very soon. I don't know if you are a member or not of this group, http://curechildhoodcancer.ning.com/, but they are all working together to find the cure.
If I had a dime for every time I've thought about and prayed for your family, I would be independantly wealthy, and we would have the money to find the cure. Yet I have the memories of Zachary that you have shared with us, and that is such a true blessing. Thank you.
Hugs,
Ann
Ann Watts <bubbasoldlady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Friday, March 13, 2009 1:31 PM CDT

I always drop by to check up and read your entries, my prayers to yet another family on the loss of Kyle.

My prayers to you and your wife always.
Gail
Toronto, ON Canada - Wednesday, March 11, 2009 7:13 PM CDT

Hi Guys! I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that turmoil again so soon...I can't imagine how hard it was to put those "big boy pants on". You are amazing.
I'm really glad to hear that you guys are enjoying the cat. I think cats are awesome, because they can shower affection on you like no other - yet they are independent enough not to have to follow you around the house constantly like a dog does (we have one of BOTH). Toby will come out of his shell, but it will take time. He sounds like he will be a great companion, so keep up the faith that he will get used to things and adjust to YOUR lifestyles...and think about getting those front claws removed to save your feet (not to mention your furniture, and drapes, and legs, and blinds, and arms, and carpet, and hands....you get the picture). It sounds mean, but it is TOTALLY worth it - and he can still climb quite competently and protect himself with those rear claws. Trust me...
Well take care and try and keep us posted as often as you can. We all look forward to seeing what you have to say.
Shayne <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Wednesday, March 11, 2009 6:26 PM CDT

Thinking of you often.
Nancy <nrengels@yahoo.com>
Appleton, WI United States - Wednesday, March 11, 2009 2:40 PM CDT

Hi Zachary.

You've not been in Heaven long enough to scratch the surface of all the exciting new things to do and beautiful things to see and hear. Perhaps that will still be true a thousand years from now. You've already learned wonderful new feelings - the perfect love that is found only in the presence of Jesus and the lack of any feelings of pain, fear, or sadness.

If your Mommy and Daddy are like me, they are about ready to walk two paths at once. On one hand, they may encounter new manifestations of their grief. I think it was at about this point when I started having some mild panic attacks - sometimes having to get up out of bed to feel like I could breath - but that didn't last long. The other part is better - they will soon realize that they are smiling more, even laughing some, and not feeling guilty about it. Thoughts that may still be painful for them, representing times that have been lost, will turn to happy memories that keep those times alive and reminders of the bond of love that will never be broken.

Tell Mamie and Jesus I love them. Some day I will see all three of you face-to-face.

www.caringbridge.org/al/mamieadams
Mamie's Daddy <george.f.adams@us.army.mil>
Huntsville, AL USA - Tuesday, March 10, 2009 10:46 PM CDT

Thinking of you both each day.
Natalie <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Tuesday, March 10, 2009 3:27 PM CDT

I was up late tonight, and I felt led to visit Zachary's website. As the mother of an only child, I can't even began to imagine the hell you must be going through. To be honest, it's difficult to know what to say, because I'm sure that the last thing you want is pity. I just wanted to tell you that I am praying for you both. The fact that you were able to support your friends so soon after you lost your Zachary is, in a word, remarkable. As cliche as it may sound, I'm sure that your dear son would be extremely proud to witness this act of sheer love and compassion shown by his parents. I will be praying that the Lord tempers the unbearable grief you are experiencing by filling your heart with beautiful memories.
Dianna in Louisiana
- Tuesday, March 10, 2009 0:58 AM CDT

Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers daily. I'm so sorry the pain is so overwhelming. You have a point though, while the why much be tough...figuring out how to keep trudging on is just as bad. Know that we're still out here praying and asking God to give you the strength you need to get thru each day. Love and prayers- Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Monday, March 9, 2009 8:27 PM CDT

Scott - I am so glad to see you writing again! Rebecca - glad you got to chill in my office after the dedication of Zachary's tree...my door is always open!
Linda Puccio <lcpwp1@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, FL USA - Monday, March 9, 2009 6:17 PM CDT

I am so sorry. I wish there were more to say. Always thinking of you...
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Monday, March 9, 2009 9:14 AM CDT

Thank you for updating. I feel so bad that all those way too fresh wounds opened up again. Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Monday, March 9, 2009 8:37 AM CDT

Scott,
Wow, you made me cry just thinking of you two going through another funeral so soon. I know it was like
re-living your own pain. I do pray for you both.
Good Luck with Toby. My cats finally got used to my schedule and do not act quite as crazy at night. I try to play with the laser and other toys starting at 7:00 pm, just to get them wound down some. They come alive at 7:00, ready to play. My boy Maxx, will knock things off of tables to get my attention, until I play.
Love and prayers to you and Rebecca, Teressa
Teressa
NC - Monday, March 9, 2009 7:42 AM CDT

My husband has rls too, and we have more than one cat in the house. While you are hating it, I am sure that Rebecca has had a few chuckles. Well, maybe not, I am a night owl and usually not asleep when Jeff gets attacked. I still think a cat buddy is your way to go!!!! But what do I know, I have a cat sitting on my hand as I type this.

I hate that you have to put yourselves through anymore grief, but it is great that you feel so strongly about helping your friends navigate through such a crap filled journey. Praying for peace and comfort for you guys.
kimybeee <kimybeee@suddenlink.net>
Milton, WV - Sunday, March 8, 2009 3:08 PM CDT

Just stopping by to see if you had written anything amusing lately...as I really miss your thoughtful, yet idiosyncratic journal entries.
I know how hard it must be to even just get out of bed in the morning for you guys, but you are both so strong... You demonstrated that through the long fought battle you endured through the past 8 years.
Cling to the memories of your smart-ass boy (I still love to go back and read the antics he pulled throughout the years - especially the one involving his overweight teacher..LOL), but live with the intention of enjoying the life that you now have. Zachary wouldn't want you guys to be miserable. That's why you need to try hard to embrace the little joys in life that come to you throughout the days...
And work a little harder at getting back to sharing your thoughts with us. We miss you, Scott. We miss your sarcasm (at least I do) and I'm looking forward to signing on someday and finding an entry that shows that you might be getting back to your "old self".
Thinking about you and Rebecca daily (and lots of times daily). Keep your chin up, and keep fighting the good fight!
God bless you guys,

Shayne <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Saturday, March 7, 2009 8:07 PM CST

Scott and Rebecca, Just wanted to say hi and let you know that you're both in my thoughts. My sister said that she saw you guys a week or two ago at the movies. I'm sure it's good for you to get out... I'm sure at the same time it's really hard as well. The ROTC scholarship... what a great way to honor your son's memory. I'm sure it will make you feel good inside everytime you award it to know that your kindness is helping the future of a child. If I can help with that or anything else is any way, please feel free to drop me an e-mail. I hope that God is guiding you through your days and providing some strenth and peace. Stay strong and take care, Diana Fox
Diana Fox <fox8097@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, Fl USA - Friday, March 6, 2009 8:13 PM CST

Oh my goodness, I highly recommend a cat over a puppy-unless you want a baby, then get a puppy because it is exactly the same thing only not as much fun! Remember Prince Rebecca? Oh my need I say more...and I have a cat or two for you if you like; take Jess with you to rescue a kitty she attracks the coolest most beautiful of cats-they love her! Then after she attracts them and gives them a home I get to keep them and feed them, and trut me, cats do not die! Another bonus-I have one that is 16 yrs. old! Well, Scott, I have only had 2 dreams that I recall about Robert-very, very vivid, very prophetic...Rebecca-don't worry, you think about him all day long-he is always alive to you, sleeping is a good thing...I cannot believe about Kyle. Truly unbelievable is all that I can muster...I do not think I will be up for the service as my children have b ball games Saturday and such. Silly reason to miss such an important event-but not sure I can get them to and fro otherwise. I hope to see you guys soon, did you get my message about the shirt and Matthew shaving his hair off? Much love,
Kathy
Kathy Charlton <ckcharlton@aol.com>
- Friday, March 6, 2009 2:02 PM CST

keeping you both im my prayers as well as your family
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Friday, March 6, 2009 8:53 AM CST

Stopping by to say that I'm continuing to keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers. I also wanted to take this opportunity to say that cancer sucks!!!
Lisa
Lynnwood, WA - Thursday, March 5, 2009 1:10 AM CST

Just stopping by to say that I'm thinking of you both and hoping that each day that goes by you learn to live with the pain a little better. Still trying to battle this disease in my own family. I've got to tell you it SUCKS!!!!
Sandi Cooper <jkcwellington@bellsouth.net>
Wellington, FL - Wednesday, March 4, 2009 7:13 PM CST

Hi Scott and Rebecca this is Racquel O'Hanna. I don't know if you both remember me but i was the girl with Jenna Martucci that one day when we came to visit Zach, aka the girl that got the card with glitter blown into my face. I was reading that you both got a cat. I just got a puppy, i think it was the first week of January, but his name is also Toby. I thought that was kind of cool and weird at the same time that we all liked the name Toby. haha. But I just wanted to say hi and i really hope that you both are doing ok. You're in my thoughts and prayers.<3

P.S I know that you get a lot of these entries a day, but i really hope that you both will read this one.=]
Racquel O'Hanna <kitk3535@aol.com>
- Wednesday, March 4, 2009 5:27 PM CST

Our puppy cried loudly for 9 nights before he settled in with us. I don't think it helped that his mom and brother lived next door, he could hear them.

I don't know if you can do this with cats, but we put the dog in a crate with a soft cushy pad and it helped with his stress at night (in addition to helping with the potty training).

The ROTC was so very sweet to do that for you.

I continue to pray for both of you.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Wednesday, March 4, 2009 0:31 AM CST

The cat is just trying to tell you that it needs playmates. (As I sit here typing with a cat sitting on the edge of the keyboard.) Cats can be very lovable, but they are a little freaked out by change. (The first cat left and then another just walked over my hands as I am typing.) I have always thought that animals tend to choose you more than you choose them. That is probably what the biting was about, so maybe Toby is the perfect fit. With a broken tail, he has to have a story. I would just be careful with anything that belongs to Zachary that is important to you. The cat may chew or pee on something and ruin it by trying to make his new home his own.

As for computers - I agree that they can be a pain and I too did the recover thing once. Don't panic, a repair person can retrieve all that information you had. Maybe you should also back up everything you have on both computers with a hard copy. I always believe in signs and maybe the computer glitch was more of a "save the memories" nudge.

I can't begin to tell you how sad it is for me - a stranger in WV - to have lost Zachary. I think the death of a child is the worst thing you can experience on earth. If you are able to wake up and breathe every day, well, that is a miracle after all you guys have been through. Just keep waking up and breathing and being there for each other to lean on.

kimybeee
kimybeee
Milton, WV USA - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 10:26 PM CST

Of course it sucks...no one could ever blame you for missing Zachary, each and every single day. I love reading your updates, they are always somehow inspiring or in some way uplifting.

Love and Prayers, Sammi www.caringbridge.org/mi/sammijean
Sammi Robertson <NeuroGirl716@hotmail.com>
Westland, Michigan United States - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 8:59 PM CST

aaww on the kitty, my dad got a kitty with a broken tail but when he passed the kitty decided she didnt want to live here anymore and left to but its ok cuase it lived up to its name of little terror. what can i say my dad was weird. that is awesome about the ball and i hear ya on the comp. that happened to me i lost everything so went and just got me a new non argumentive computer. good luck with ironing out the details of the scholoarship.
becky miller <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 4:10 PM CST

So glad to hear from you. I hope your cat comes out of it's shell soon. We just got a new puppy last night (a teacup yorkie) I hear pets are a real source of comfort. We only have big dogs outside and they by no means comfort anyone as they jump all over you and run like horses thru the neighbors yards...ugh. Oh - we have our pics burned to CD's too that way if the computer crashes, we have a back up. You might want to try that on both of yours if you haven't already.
We're still here praying for you both. Hope today is a better day for yall. Hugs and love - Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 1:45 PM CST

Hi,
I've been reading Zachary's page for the last few months or so and wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Also, a computer service store may be able to recover some of the photos on your computer. No garuntees, just a thought.

Heather.
Heather
WI - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 12:50 AM CST

I'm glad you were able to update as I have been thinking about your family alot.

If you want to make your lives a little more interesting, try adding a second kitten... those 2 will keep you quite amused. :)

((HUGS))
Jennifer Hartley <hartley1025@verizon.net>
- Tuesday, March 3, 2009 9:47 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca, I will continue to pray for you both. When I lost my Mom, I was so lost. I would usually go to her house everyday, and after she died my life felt empty. I had friends, and family but there was a hole. Well, Maggie came into my life, (a black kitten, that would fit in my hand). She was brought home by a friends male cat. Well, she came home with me and we now have 3 cats. We fell in love, and welcomed 2 other rescued kitty's in to our lives. I don't know what we did without them. Buy a laser light - mine love to chase it. Love & Prayers!
Teressa
Burlington, NC - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 8:48 AM CST

Prayers are with you and your family.
I happen to have 3 cats - all named Gary.
It's okay to use the name Toby over again....

KW
Colleyville , TX US - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 8:28 AM CST

Thanks for the update. I am so sorry you are having disturbing dreams. I read about Kyle's passing and was so sad. I am glad you both got to go to the service and offer support, that must have been so very hard. Carol
Carol Hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 8:10 AM CST

Scott & Rebecca. I have followed Zach's journey since the first day you posted. A coworker got me hooked. I look forward to coming here each day and learning from the master on his wisdom and calmness. Last April my nephew Carson was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and I immediately emailed you and you put his website out there for all the prayer warriors. And boy did they come.....
I can never thank you enough for doing that when your own precious son was battling himself. If it wasn't for you, I would never have known caringbridge. It has been a true blessing for my sister and her husband and also Carson.
Carson told me he met Zach at Palms West and I just was so thrilled that he was so excited to meet Zach. The boy Aunt Jackie always talked about. Small world isn't it.
December 16th my husband passed away from this horrible disease Cancer. We were told in October that he had 2 months to live, and they were right. It came so fast I haven't even digested what happened yet.
I took some time off work and when I returned I checked on Zach and heard this sorrowful news. I am so sorry for your loss. Zach touched my heart as I know he did many others. You both have been wonderful parents and guides to people who are lost and confused about their children's diagnosis. I also have the dreams. Sometimes I wake up crying and shaking. There is nothing anyboby can say to me that makes me feel any better after losing the love of my life. I just pray that time will heal my broken heart as well as your's and Rebecca's. Please keep journaling Scott. You are helping so many people that you have no idea.
God Bless all of you.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/carsonruffa
Carson's Aunt Jackie
WPB, FL - Tuesday, March 3, 2009 8:00 AM CST

Thinking of The Finestones.
Jess <jminman@gmail.com>
Cypress, TX United States - Monday, March 2, 2009 6:38 PM CST

I hope yesterday went okay...I'm sure it was a tough day for all of you. Still thinking of you all the time. Hoping to see you in a few weeks when I'm in Hobe Sound!
Love, Erin Doyle <boltsfan19@gmail.com>
Gainesville, FL - Monday, March 2, 2009 10:47 AM CST

I knew there was a birthday yesterday, just couldn't remember whose. Now I know. Happy Birthday in heaven Zachary. Hold your family close today and help them to remember all of the happy times you had together, all of the happy birthday's you had while you were here.
I don't know that any day would be harder or easier than any other, but I pray that you feel peace and comfort today and every day. I hope that Zachary's birthday brought back many wonderful memories of the time you did have together. My prayers are always with you.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Monday, March 2, 2009 10:00 AM CST

To: ^^Zachary^^
From: Polly

I wrote your name in the sand
But the waves washed it away.
Then I wrote it in the sky
But the wind blew it away.
So I wrote your name in my heart
And that is where it will stay.
~~ Anonymous

Polly@AngelWingsRemembers
- Monday, March 2, 2009 9:50 AM CST

Thinking of ya today on Zach's Birthday. Miss you and love you both.
Jo <jmedward@eagle.fgcu.edu>
Fort Myers/Jensen Beach, Fl USA - Sunday, March 1, 2009 9:48 PM CST

Rebecca and Scott,
Hoping today you are finding a way to celebrate Zach's life -- he meant so much in a too-brief time.
Lisa
Birmingham, AL - Sunday, March 1, 2009 7:05 PM CST

Happy Heavenly Birthday Z-man!
we miss you so much!
Audra <grlwndr68@hotmail.com>
stuart, fl - Sunday, March 1, 2009 4:02 PM CST

Defining "normal, typical, common or expected" behaviors after the loss of a loved one is impossible. We all go through the same stages and such but we all go through them in a unique way... Take your time and know that we are all here thinking of you...
Cousin David
Roswell, GA USA - Sunday, March 1, 2009 1:39 PM CST

Hello Scott and Rebecca,
Was just thinking of you - normally I'm a lurker, but you were on my mind today. Take care and know that there are lots of us out here in lurkland carrying you in our hearts.
nancy
Nancy
MN - Sunday, March 1, 2009 1:35 PM CST

Thinking of Zachary today on his Birthday
You are so right Scott...IT SUCKS!

I have no words to make it better, just know I think about your family often and hope and pray someday soon there is a cure....I HATE THIS BEAST!

God Bless,

Carol/Angel_Wings
Nana to Angel ^^John Eric^^ (NB) http://www.carepages.com (johnericbartels)
http://www.thejebfoundation.com

Carol Brothers <carolab7@comcast.net>
Finksburg, Md. United States - Sunday, March 1, 2009 9:10 AM CST

Thinking of you both everyday and I know today is going to be extremely hard. Happy 15th Birthday Zach.
Jenn <yankeez-girl2@hotmail.com>
- Sunday, March 1, 2009 8:11 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca..I hope today is a gentle and peaceful one for you and that of all days you are able to somehow feel Zach's presence. I believe he is still with you.
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Sunday, March 1, 2009 7:30 AM CST

Thinking and praying for your family today on ^Zachary's^ birthday. Asking the Lord to continue to mend your broken hearts. God bless you all.
Tracy/Angel_Wings <maverickmom08@sbcglobal.net>
- Sunday, March 1, 2009 7:14 AM CST

Think of you often.
Nancy <nrengels@yahoo.com>
Appleton, WI United States - Saturday, February 28, 2009 7:42 AM CST

Keeping you both close in my thoughts and prayers. Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
- Friday, February 27, 2009 8:44 PM CST

still praying for you both
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Friday, February 27, 2009 5:21 PM CST

Rebecca and Scott, y'all remain in our daily prayers as you forge through this new path in your life. Even though your intellectual side "knows" what you are feeling is part of the grief process, it seems to take the heart a much longer time to catch on. My prayer is that the good days and happy memories will ALWAYS outnumber and outlast the sad/tough days and memories. God Bless You both.
The Hudson Family <hudsonkats@cox.net>
Hampton, VA - Friday, February 27, 2009 1:05 PM CST

Just wanted to let you know that I'm still checking the site everday and continue to think about you and Rebecca.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Friday, February 27, 2009 10:50 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca,

I just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking of you and praying for you both. May God grant you the peace and comfort that only He can. Love from Tennessee, Stephanie Ogle

http://www.carepages.com/carepages/peytoncogle
Stephanie Ogle <babypeyton2004@yahoo.com>
Signal Mountain, TN USA - Wednesday, February 25, 2009 10:36 PM CST

Here is a passage that has always brought me comfort especially in the darkness of night when the distractions are gone and you're left with yourself.

My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;
they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble;
when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Proverbs 3:21-24

Our oldest son is 8 and has never been too interested in sports. Out of the blue today he asked when I was going to let him play sports so he could earn some trophies like his younger brother. I reminded him of his previous lack of interest and he says "well, what about bowling?" He's only been bowling once before and that was more than 2 years ago. Maybe Zachary is out there influencing and encouraging the future bowlers of the world!

Jennifer <jendoskal@yahoo.com>
St. Peters, MO - Wednesday, February 25, 2009 10:15 PM CST

Thinking of you both - praying for a peaceful night. I'm sorry about Kyle. I fell in love with him immediately. Thank you for telling us about him. Zachary and Kyle are sure to be having a great time in Heaven. Sending you both love and keeping you in my prayers- Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Wednesday, February 25, 2009 7:01 PM CST

I'm so sorry to hear of Kyle's passing. I know Zachary was there to greet him and show him the ropes. CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We need to find a cure. We need to get our government to step it up. Stop spending money on space exploration and let's find a way to stop cancer. Too many lives lost, too many people affected by this awful monster. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Wednesday, February 25, 2009 3:01 PM CST

I am so sorry about Kyle's passing. I am sure his death just adds to your overwhelming pain. CANCER SUCKS!!!!
Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Wednesday, February 25, 2009 8:04 AM CST

Cannot believe about Kyle...so sad-and I hate to say it, but I spent the afternoon weeping for my boy-over 6 years ago and I still get overwhelmed and flooded with memories-and guilt is a vicious demon you cannot succumb to-please do not buy into it, bury it with the cancer that took Zach...trust me on this-I am an expert on a Mother's Guilt. You are living each day-we will never understand, and as Jeff said, there will never be a reason good enough for any of...for some reason-it was the life our son's were to live. Dark sunglasses-highly recommended! I don't even bother with make-up to hide the cirlces...always-Kathy
Kathy Charlton aka Robert's Mom <ckcharlton@aol.com>
- Tuesday, February 24, 2009 8:02 PM CST

wishing you didn't have to go through all that you are, and just letting you know that you are thought of everyday with love. thank you so much for leading me to Kyle's page, just wishing it were under better circumstances. love and good thoughts sent your way,always,
nancy irving <bnirving@sympatico.ca>
toronto, ontario canada - Tuesday, February 24, 2009 1:29 PM CST

Praying hard for Kyle and his family. Thank you for letting us know about him. He is such a precious child. I'm praying that he isn't in any pain. God bless him....
Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Tuesday, February 24, 2009 12:07 AM CST

in all my years I have NEVER met parents more dedicated than you both.
Do not second guess your decisions, you did everything you could. As for sitting in the room with zach and his friends, you know teenagers didn't want you in there-they would have tossed you out!!! You were amazing. You are amazing. Be proud of all you accomplished for zach, he sure was proud of you and is probably bragging about you right now!
colette <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Psl, fl - Tuesday, February 24, 2009 7:44 AM CST

�Sometimes God puts us through the experience and discipline of darkness to teach us to hear and obey Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and God puts us into the �shadow of His hand� until we learn to hear Him (Isaiah 49:2)�..Pay attention when God puts you into darkness. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else once you are back in the light.� Oswald Chambers
Katherine Bell Hampton <katbird76@gmail.com>
Sharpsburg, Georgia - Monday, February 23, 2009 11:01 PM CST

Scott, thanks for leaving us Kyle's website. Now that you've listed it, I realize you've given it to us before, and I think I checked it once or twice but didn't go back afterwards. Good and obedient lurker that I am, I'll go and leave a good message for them per your instructions. Keeping you guys in my thoughts. I can't imagine how tough these days are for you both. Try not to second guess any of your decisions - you know in your hearts that you did everything you could for Zachary.
Sherri Ross <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Monday, February 23, 2009 8:35 PM CST

Scott and Rebecca,
Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.
Genna
Genna Bailey <genevieve33436@yahoo.com>
- Monday, February 23, 2009 7:29 PM CST

Sent my love and prayers to Kyle! Now I am sending them to you and Rebecca. I think of the two of you often and pray for you daily. Rebecca is right it is normal well for people that write the books it is normal. Not for us!!!! Shit, it is almost 8 years ago that I lost my precious Tiffanie and still go through those thoughts. Especially now when life is throwing me a few curves... God does see you through it.. I always hated this saying "God does things for a reason. I still do not know mine yet but I am holding on hope that he will show me what it is soon. I love you guys...
Deneen Gethouas <dgethouas@comcast.net>
Enola, PA USA - Monday, February 23, 2009 2:31 PM CST

Thank you for giving us the CB site for Kyle. What a precious child. I'll be praying for him and his family - but please know you and Rebecca remain close in my thoughts and prayers also. I'm asking God to help you thru each moment of grief. He never leaves you alone, He is there for you ....I pray you can feel Him. It's good to hear from you. Besides praying, I so wish there was something more I could do. Hugs to both of you - Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Monday, February 23, 2009 1:25 PM CST

While I will do as you ask and pray for Kyle and his family, I think the love in my heart and relationship with the Lord is big enough to include you guys too. I couldn't stop if I wanted to because you are constantly on my mind and heart. Blessings and love to you as you attempt to make some kind of sense out of this nightmare. You are loved and covered in prayer. I will keep checking in to see how you are. I'm sure this is true for others besides me. Take care as best you can.
Khalita Duke Peds BMT Severe Aplastic Anemia <saawarrior@yahoo.com>
Lexington, NC - Monday, February 23, 2009 12:58 AM CST

How better to sum it up than "it sucks". What you are going through truly sucks. That you have regrets sucks. It's always easy to look back and think of what we "should or could have done". Who am I to tell you, but you shouldn't have regrets. You did everything for Zachary. You always had his best interests in mind. You always included him and listened to him. He knew without a doubt how much he is loved and adored by you and Rebecca. I hope the nightmares turn into sweet dreams of better days.
My thoughts and prayers are always with you.
LIsa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com >
Sandy, UT - Monday, February 23, 2009 11:21 AM CST

I am so glad you put in Kyle's caringbridge site. Please know that I am keeping Kyle in prayer. I am so sorry that you and Rebecca are hurting so much. Words are so inadequate when you are hurting so badly. Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Monday, February 23, 2009 8:39 AM CST

I haven't signed in a while. I just wanted you to know I still think about your family every day. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
Monique Davis <smdavis@sccoast.net>
Aynor, SC USA - Monday, February 23, 2009 7:45 AM CST

I can't even imagine how difficult everything must be. Sending prayers and thinking of you guys.
Natalie (Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Sunday, February 22, 2009 10:52 PM CST

Scott and Rebecca-
I am sorry you have to endure the complete ignorance, insensitivity, and total stupidity of the insurance company. It is so ridiculous, I cannot even fathom it. Unfortunately, things like this will happen, but there is no solace there. Very frustrating and hurtful . . . thinking of you both and hurting for you and all that you've lost. It is a pain impossible to convey beyond yourselves. Take care.
Love, Michelle
ps -- love the urns, just beautiful
Michelle Cameron <largo142@aol.com>
- Sunday, February 22, 2009 7:25 PM CST

Longtime lurker, just posting to let you know that I am thinking of you.

The tattoos and urns are beautiful. The story about the insurance company is ridiculous, but I guess not all that surprising based on your past dealings with them.
TJ
NY - Sunday, February 22, 2009 6:14 PM CST

Hi Rebecca and Scott - Sometimes as an outsider it is hard to know when enough is enough and you are intruding (more than usual, I guess). Don't know if your silence is reflective of your need to step back a bit and addess your grief with some privacy - or if you just can't talk right now? Any and all reasons are totally understandable! However, thought I would just let you know that all of you - including Zachary of course - (sometimes with a silly memory of a specific story you shared or sometimes with a tear or two for all that he endured) are in my thoughts and heart. Out of sight is not out of mind (skewed mind that I have). No lame pep talk - just thinking about you....
randy <ranweiss@comcast.net>
- Sunday, February 22, 2009 10:51 AM CST

The tatoos are beautiful. Still thinking of you...
Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, ny - Sunday, February 22, 2009 6:46 AM CST

thinking about you guys...
Kim Waggoner <W8k@aol.com>
Kingston, TN - Saturday, February 21, 2009 8:30 PM CST

thinking of you
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Friday, February 20, 2009 9:55 PM CST

hey Scott, I hope you are doing okay - I know it has to be hell, if there is anything I can do to help you through this difficult time - please let me know!
Thinking of you both - with zach in my thoughts daily, ----- did rebecca tell you what Kade did that I am blaming on zach???
Colette <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Psl , fl USA - Friday, February 20, 2009 9:02 PM CST

just dropping bye to say hi.
Gail W
Toronto, ON Canada - Friday, February 20, 2009 7:26 PM CST

Thinking of you...
alyssa...godmother to Ciara, Hunter and ^Tommy^ <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Friday, February 20, 2009 7:22 PM CST

should have previewed my entry I have no idea why the O next to the I
Sharon <sholweger5@yahoo.com>
- Friday, February 20, 2009 5:34 PM CST

I think about you both often every day.... IO am keeping you in my prayers too
Sharon <sholweger5@yahoo.com>
- Friday, February 20, 2009 5:32 PM CST

Hey Scott...I'm so glad to see that you still have that charming sarcasm in you! I was afraid we weren't going get much of that anymore, but you haven't disappointed.
It's been a week since you last wrote, so I hope you guys are hanging in there. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Shayne B. <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Friday, February 20, 2009 5:01 PM CST

Praying for you today (and every day). Please fill us in on Kyle again. I must have missed something. Thinking of Zachary and his amazing spirit. Love, Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Thursday, February 19, 2009 7:11 AM CST

The tatoos, urns, all of it are just beautiful. As a cancer parent, I don't think you could sum up what these kids go through, what us parents go through, any better than in those two words - pain and love. It's so simple, but so profound for all of us with cancer kids and especially those that lose their children. I am going to share your words with my friends who have lost their children. So much said in two words/symbols. Pain and love. The meaning is immense.
Kellie Beresh - Jake's Site <scbkab@cox.net>
Omaha, NE - Wednesday, February 18, 2009 12:43 AM CST

Completely not surprised by the idiocy of the insurance world (that's my industry). Gah. Still thinking of you.

~Nikki from the NB Blogathon
Nikki <pookielocks@ymail.com>
columbus, oh - Tuesday, February 17, 2009 10:19 PM CST

thinking of you both
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Tuesday, February 17, 2009 8:13 PM CST

Somebody needs to invent a way to slap people remotely. That's all I have to say about that.

The urns are beautiful as are the tattoos.
Cate
, - Tuesday, February 17, 2009 7:17 PM CST

Hello,

The tattoos are very nice. The urns are beautiful.

Insurance comapnies...got to love them because it is against the law to kill them. Stories we could all tell when dealing with them. You should write a book.
Heather Sarina's Mom www.caringbridge.org/pa/sarina <cloudraven@verizon.net>
Phila, PA USA - Tuesday, February 17, 2009 7:14 PM CST

Thinking of you and praying for you. It's snowing here in Utah today. I like to picture Zachary shredding down some sick powder on his board..........
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Tuesday, February 17, 2009 4:57 PM CST

The Urns are beautiful.

Blessings.
Cheryl & Jordan Myers <cgmyers@cox.net>
Sapulpa, OK USA - Monday, February 16, 2009 9:45 PM CST

If you ever write another book on the stupid,(and other choice words)things people (although I would not classify those breathing beings as people) say to parents after losing a child ...we have some similar things happen to us. Like the low life from the medical supply company that said we must have given Seth's feeding tube pump to some stranger who came knocking at our door..AHHHHHHHHHHHH Sorry you had to go through it. Thinking of you all.
Ruthie Bunkelmann , Seth's mommy <Rbunkmann@msn.com>
North Palm Beach , Fl USA - Monday, February 16, 2009 7:01 PM CST

Your insurance never fail to suprise me, they always manage to better themselves when it comes to how to be insenstive and make a horrendous situation even worse.

On a different note, the art work is beautiful (both on the urns and arms!)

Continuing to think of you,

Vikki
www.postpals.co.uk
viks <viks@postpals.co.uk>
- Monday, February 16, 2009 1:54 PM CST

Mr. & Mrs.Finestone, I would like to tell you that the shirts and dvds we have been selling are becomeing a huge success. I want you to know that I am doing everything in power to make this drive as BIG as possibel. I also would like let everybody else who come on this to go to www.myspace.com/a_life_remembered to order shirts and dvds. thank you bothe for allowing me this chance. God bless, nick
Nicholas Palczer <nicksterr@comcast.net>
Jensen Beach, FL - Monday, February 16, 2009 1:02 PM CST

The urns are absolutely beautiful. Zachary would love them.
As I started reading your post today I was thinking "wow, maybe Cigna finally pulled their heads out of their $$%%## and sent a proper letter and condolences." Why would I think that? I must be crazy! I would say I'm amazed, but I'm not. I've dealt with insurance many times and it's like dealing with people from a different place and time.
I pray for you guys every day. I cry with you. I pray that as time passes the tears will be fewer and the pain will be less.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakigsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Monday, February 16, 2009 11:03 AM CST

* AN INVITATION TO ALL PRAYER WARRIORS *

The Prayer Warriors at Angel_Wings
are holding a Prayer Vigil on Tuesday,
February 19th, between 8-9 pm EST for
Zachary, all the children, teens and
adults on our prayer lists and our
AngelWingsRemembers families.

Thank you for joining us.

Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers
Polly @ AngelWingsRemembers
- Sunday, February 15, 2009 10:01 PM CST

Were it not for the fact that Zach is gone the problems with Cigna and the phone company would be funny. Alas they are just one more cruel twist of fate. Just wait until you get arrested for failing to send him to school or some other snafu (over due library book, failure to return a movie to block buster...) lands at your door...
The urns and the ink look stunning. Hang in there and know that we are all here for you.
Cousin David
Roswell, GA USA - Sunday, February 15, 2009 9:02 PM CST

Sadly, the insurance company and cell phone reps are the epitome of what our service industry has become. I never cease to be amazed.

Let me know when you and Rebecca are available for dinner. Also, tell me more about little Kyle.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Sunday, February 15, 2009 8:17 PM CST

The urns are very beautiful. And it goes without saying that Cigna and your phone company are beyond thoughtless. Customer service ain't what it used to be, that's for sure.
Does Kyle have a website we can visit and leave some words of encouragement?
Sherri <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Sunday, February 15, 2009 7:24 PM CST

Dear Scott,

About a year after Uncle Marty died he received a notice for Jury Duty, I sent the form back with a copy of his death certificate. About two weeks later I received a letter from the Court "your excuse has been accepted and you do not have to appear".
When you receive a letter from someone who has a computer full of various letters for all occasions they will send out form xyz even if it is not appropiate to your particular situation because they don't have forms for your situation.

Love,
Aunt Paula

Paula Sandfelder <psand@bellsouth.net>
Dunwoody, GA USA - Sunday, February 15, 2009 3:59 PM CST

Thinking of you and just wanted to drop by to say hello. I love the tatoo's and Urns...so fitting.
As for the SFB's insurance company...I can't type those words here.

Love and prayers always

Carol/Angel_Wings
Nana to Angel ^^John Eric^^ (NB) http://www.carepages.com (johnericbartels)
http://www.thejebfoundation.com
Carol Brothers <carolab7@comcast.net>
Finksburg, Md. United States - Sunday, February 15, 2009 12:14 AM CST

Thinking of you. It is terrible to hear what you have to endure with the insurance company.
Robin Brunet <robinb|@start.ca>
Bradford, Ontario CAnada - Sunday, February 15, 2009 6:06 AM CST

We'll pray for whomever you want us to. . .but still for you, too.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Sunday, February 15, 2009 0:32 AM CST

The urn's for Zachary are so beautiful (i hate even having to type that). They did a wonderful job.
alyssa...godmother to Ciara, Hunter and ^Tommy^ <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Sunday, February 15, 2009 0:21 AM CST

Dear Scott and Rebecca - I have been following, quietly, your son Zachary's story for several month. Always with prayers being sent - even though from far away, we know not of each other. Zachary has touched my heart as a mother and person. I wanted to come out of my silence to wish you the best and so that you know there are many unseen sending good wishes, positive thoughts and prayers to your incredible family. There are no words for what you have been through and no words to say when a parent must bury a child. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Please know you remain in many peoples thoughts from around the world. I would like to know how to order the DVD and also to contribute to Zach's scholarship fund. What an amazing tribute to his strong and courageous life. God Bless and Godspeed to you and family during this very very sad and difficult time, Kerri Albert and family.
Kerri Albert
Grande Prairie, AB Canada - Saturday, February 14, 2009 10:36 PM CST

The artwork is beautiful.

The urns are elegant yet simple in beauty and form. A fitting tribute to such a gentle, loving "old soul" as Warrior Zachary.

I love you. Love. . . .Polly

I won't dignify the insurance or cell phone companies with comments.
Polly in Pothole Paradise
- Saturday, February 14, 2009 6:51 PM CST

unbelieveable insurance companies!!! does any one there even have a brain????????
the urns are really nice
I got a bill a year after my son died from a Drs office stating he had been there the month before for an office call. I called and told them unless he was there from heaven he was not there as he had died a year before. office girls answer........oh my maybe we made a mistake..... ya think??????
I think of you many times a day and say a prayer for you.
Sharon <sholweger5@yahoo.com>
- Saturday, February 14, 2009 5:48 PM CST

The urns are exquisite. I had to read the insurance company part twice to make sure I was reading correctly. They are amazing. Praying for Kyle
margie miller <margiemm54@aol.com>
fl - Saturday, February 14, 2009 1:17 PM CST

The urns, the tattoos, so beautiful, so fitting.

Keeping all of you in prayer.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Saturday, February 14, 2009 2:14 AM CST

As for Cigna and the telephone company, I have to wonder what planet these people came from. Losing your beloved son was the worst thing that could ever happen to you. I am so sorry that you have had to deal with such idiotic crap. The urns are beautiful and just so Zachary.
Hara Dwyer <bckbskc@aol.com>
Barre, VT - Friday, February 13, 2009 11:09 PM CST

Soory to hear of the additional grief you are having to bare on account of mindless people.
I love the urns. I too keep ashes of my child. I have a small heart shaped urn on a chain I wear around my neck.
It feels good to keep her close....even after 29 years
Gail W
Toronto, ON Canada - Friday, February 13, 2009 8:36 PM CST

scott...i love the ink although i have never heard anybody describe the process quite like you and as for that insurance company...i'd really like a phone number or email address or and actual address for those idiots because i have a few choice words i'd like to say to them...thinking about you and rebecca always and zachary too...
Jenn <yankeez-girl2@hotmail.com>
Canada - Friday, February 13, 2009 7:06 PM CST

Thinking of you everyday. Loved the tats-and I'm sure Zach would approve. I will add Kyle to my prayers,and continue to pray for you and Rebecca. God Bless you both!
Linda Gentry <pggentry@suddenlink.net>
Sulphur Springs, TX - Friday, February 13, 2009 6:58 PM CST

You are SO right - you couldn't make that "mess" up. There is no sense in adding to someone's anguish with their stupidity. I pray your ordeal with Cigna is over soon. (Big idiots)
I for one will not stop praying for you and Rebecca - I can surely pray for Kyle too. Thank you for sharing your son with us. He will remain in my heart always and therefore so will the two of you - With love and prayers, Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Friday, February 13, 2009 5:50 PM CST

The tattoo look great. You are both in my thoughts everyday.
Love, Genna
Genna Bailey <genevieve33436@yahoo.com>
- Friday, February 13, 2009 10:33 AM CST

Love the new tattoo! I am too much of a wimp to get anything done that involves pain.
Susan Foster <CLF8987@oal.com>
Troy, MO USA - Friday, February 13, 2009 9:13 AM CST

Scott & Rebecca
Ed and I love Love Love your new ink what a tribute to Zach ... I have to admit I have 6 of them and they aee all diffrent (You wont find on other people ) so to see your alls and how awsome they are just puts a big ol smile on my face ...Ed also has Tats I love them ...I also have a tounge ring but were all diffrent right ...I am still looking for a Tat in memory of my Dad and Daine one day I will find them
Ed and I are sorry we havnt been to sign Zachs GB theres been alot going on here and we are getting ready to go out of state to see both my Moms who arnt doing so well so we may not get here as much but were still thinking of you and praying for you all never doubt that
Lots Of Hugs Sent Your Way
Ed and Racquell
(Formally Werbe Racing )
Zach Fans Forever <PPrincess2424@aol.com>
Kansas City , Ks www.caringbridge.org/visit/donaldstiffler - Friday, February 13, 2009 8:01 AM CST

Scott, I love your new tattoo. I am sure Zachary is beaming from above with pride that both of his parents are now proud owners of tattoos. I think of you and your wife often and pray for you...
alyssa...godmother to Ciara, Hunter and ^Tommy^ <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Friday, February 13, 2009 7:57 AM CST

Wow - I love the new tattoo, what a great way to honor the Z man! I agree that Ian is an awesome artist. I've never gotten a tattoo, but everyone I know that has one always downplayed the pain involved. Your description has me convinced its a bit more than most people will admit. Then again, thinking of all that Zachary went through over the years with his treatment, I'd bet the tattoo pain was easy by comparison.
I wish there were some words that would make you guys feel better, I know these must be very hard days for you. I hope that it helps that you have so many people still thinking of Zachary and remembering him so fondly. Thoughts and prayers go out to you every day.
Sherri Ross <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Friday, February 13, 2009 6:44 AM CST

Hey there -- the "Z" looks nice. I cannot wait to see it in person. When can I buy dinner?
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Thursday, February 12, 2009 8:35 PM CST

My heart goes out to you during this heartbreaking time. You are in mt thoughts and prayers. God bless all of you.

Angel Hugs, Julie----Angel_Wings
Julie Price <angel_collector@ymail.com>
- Thursday, February 12, 2009 5:50 PM CST

HELLO HUNNY,
I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD BIRTHDAY I TRIED TO CALL YOU BUT I ONLY GOT THE MACHINE :(
I KNOW HOW HARD ALL THESE FIRST ARE GOING TO BE. I KNOW ITS NOT THE SAME BUT MY 1ST BIRTHDAY AFTER MY DAD PASSED WAS SO HARD BECAUSE I COULDNT FATHOM ME GETTING OLDER AND HIM NOT. PLEASE KNOW YOU WERE IN MY HEART AND ON MY MIND ALL DAY YESTERDAY! (EVERYDAY)

SO ABOUT THIS INK!! MR I LOVE IT!! IAN DID AN AMAZING JOB DID MIKE DO THE TATT? I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU AND IM SURE Z-MAN IS LOVING IT TOO.
AS FAR AS THE PAIN GOES..ITS NOT SO BAD AND WHEN THEY HAVE MEANING THEY HURT ALOT LESS!

SO YA THINK YOU COULD TALK TIM INTO ONE?? (I WOULD BE IN LESS TROUBLE ALL THE TIME)!!!! LOL
LOVE YOU TWO!
XOXO
AUDRA <grlwndr68@hotmail.com>
STUART, FL - Thursday, February 12, 2009 1:43 PM CST

Guess you put in permanent ink the fact that there was nothing, zip, zero, nada that you would not do for Zachary! I am sure you know how much he would have approved of your gesture and the design! I can almost visualize the smirk and hear Zachary's comments through your writing telling you to "man up" and "suck it up" regarding your "pain"!
I do hope that while you were obsessing on several of the numerous "normal" Zachary "attitude" moments the tears flowed into your smile. And, while I have no right to offer anything more than cyber support on parental grieving protocol, I DO hope that both you and Rebecca take extreme comfort in KNOWING that Zachary was loved unconditionally 24/7 and given the best medical care that the brilliant minds world wide had to offer. You moved mountains for Zachary.
randy <ranweiss@comcast.net>
- Thursday, February 12, 2009 1:13 PM CST

Hey Scott...nice tat. You are indeed a hairy beast, tho...LOL I thought my husband was the only one - but I'm comforted by seeing that he is NOT.
BTW - Happy Belated Birthday!!! I hope you found a least a moment or two of enjoyment within the day.
Thinking of you guys all the time...
Shayne B. <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Thursday, February 12, 2009 12:39 AM CST

How cool!!! LOVE the tats! I think that's an awesome way to honor him.... Keeping all of you in my prayers.... Manda/Angel_Wings
Manda/Angel_Wings <mandaandalanqueen@yahoo.com>
Erwin, TN USA - Thursday, February 12, 2009 11:47 AM CST

Wow~ The new tattoo is great! I'm sure Zachary is looking down saying "way to go!!" (even if you did cry like a girl when you were getting it!!) Your entry shows that there is some glimmer of your old self popping thru. It's nice to see that. We're still out here praying that every day gets a little easier and you're comforted from the love and support of friends and family.
Kim/ Angel_Wings <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Thursday, February 12, 2009 11:38 AM CST

Zachary would be so proud of you! I love it.
I'm sure that forever every memory will bring tears and many will bring laughter along with them. I have no idea how to get through it, no advice. Only prayers and love to offer.
I picture Zachary living it up, surrounded by the beautiful girl angels.
My heart breaks to even think how much you miss him.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
SAndy, UTq - Thursday, February 12, 2009 10:09 AM CST

That is a really awesome tatoo! Just want you to know I continue to think about your family and check your site daily. I can't even come close to imagining what you are going through.
Jessie
B-Town, WA - Thursday, February 12, 2009 9:54 AM CST

yes i agree with everyone the tatoo is awesome,ian did a great job putting it all together.
becky miller <me147_me@yahoo.com>
buffalo, ny - Thursday, February 12, 2009 9:22 AM CST

Both of the tattoos are great! What a great tribute to Zach. I am so sorry that you are both having to go the pain and emptiness of him being gone. I wish I could say something to make it better. You are both in my thoughts and prayers! PS - I wasn't surprised at all by you getting a tattoo, I knew it was only a matter of time... :-)
Heidi <heidi@blairstreeofhope.org>
Fridley, MN - Thursday, February 12, 2009 8:35 AM CST

Love both your tatts. I've been thinking of you guys and praying that each day brings vivid memories that make you smile.
Christi <hamilton.fam@cox.net>
- Thursday, February 12, 2009 8:14 AM CST

I know Zack is up in heaven thinking, "wow, man, I can't believe it. My parents have tats now!" I am sure he is so very proud of you! I love both of the designs. I think of you several times a day!
www.caringbridge.org/visit/laurenetto
Bridget <bc2brn2001@yahoo.com>
Crestview, FL - Thursday, February 12, 2009 8:11 AM CST

Scott, the new tattoo is just awesome! Tell Ian that he did a fantastic job with putting that picture together.
I'm praying for yall.
Hugs,
Ann Watts <BubbasOldLady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Thursday, February 12, 2009 7:23 AM CST

ohhhhh scott, your tattoo is absolutely amazing, what a great design, good for you for getting it, zachary would be very proud of you.

thinking of you both, with love,

nancy irving <bnirving@sympatico.ca>
toronto, ontario canada - Thursday, February 12, 2009 6:47 AM CST

your tattoos are great (however you spell it)not a day goes by that I don't think of you and I hope you don't mind since we have never met just know that lots are still with you
carol kirkpatricj <carol_kirkpatrick_58@hotmail.com>
deland, fl usa - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 11:21 PM CST

Thinking of you two and missing "Zachary Tales". Love the tats!!!

Blessings,
Linda
Linda Resinger
Farmington, MO - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:32 PM CST

Hello Scott and Rebecca,

I love the tats that you both got in memory of Zachary. Of course, Zach will always be in your hearts, but now his memory is also etched upon your skin. When people see those tattoos on you or Rebecca, and ask what they mean, you will have a whole new chance to tell someone about your wonderful son.

Keeping you both in my thoughts,
Juliet <us_browneyes@hotmail.com>
Colorado Springs, USA - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:32 PM CST

LOVE the tattoos! We continue to pray for you both...can't imagine the pain you are going through. Much love from our family to yours
Corrie vanKampen -USCG family <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:19 PM CST

I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday Scott. I know it's probably hard to celebrate without Zach but I hope you did something fun today. That tattoos are great! I'd never have the guts to get one!
Love, Erin Doyle <boltsfan19@gmail.com>
Gainesville, FL - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 9:59 PM CST

Awesome tattoos, if ever there was an appropriate reason to ink oneself, this would be the reason.

Praying for you both as you continue on this journey.
Gail W
Toronto, ON Canada - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 9:38 PM CST

Scott very cool and very appropriate. I was just thinking a portrait of Zach or the portrait of the 3 of you on your calf would be great. Your home page pic would also work great.
barry <btorlv@yahoo.com>
la verne, ca - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 8:17 PM CST

My husband also got a tatto for our son Diego. I know your pain and have always loved reading this journal over the years.Zachary and the both of you have been a great inspiration.
Michelle
www.caringbridge.org/visit/diegofuentes
Michelle Fuentes <michellefuentes19@hotmail.com>
Long Beach, CA USA - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 7:39 PM CST

Both the tatoos are AWESOME. You should not be ashamed to show them ever. I love them.

I think about you guys every day. The site is on my favorites so when I check out my stuff every day, there you are. Zachary is missed even by us out here.

My prayers are with you.

Rae <rae-lawrence@sbcglobal.net>
Bristow, OK USA - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 7:33 PM CST

Scott, your tatoo is amazing. I'm sure Zach would approve.
I think of both of you everyday.
Nancy Bradford <nlb1050@hotmail.com>
Fort Pierce, FL United States - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 7:32 PM CST

Praying for you both
Vicky <hoosiermomma2@msn.com>
Plainfield, IN - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 5:14 PM CST

Happy Birthday Scott--

You and Rebecca remain in our prayers.

Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 4:44 PM CST

Scott, my son, Justin, said to tell you that he would be glad to try and get Zachary's cell phone recording and save the file and send it to you. All he would need from you is the phone number. He has several recording programs on the computer that he uses to record his music. If you want him to try, you can send me the information at BubbasOldLady@aol.com.
You and Rebecca are in our thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Ann Watts <BubbasOldLady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 12:02 AM CST

Scott,
According to an entry from yesterday, today is your birthday. I hope you have a peaceful and happy one. I imagine its going to be quite some time before you can really enjoy any special occasions.
You guys are often in my thoughts and prayers. I'll keep checking in and hope you will keep this journal going.
Sherri Ross <slr8800@aol.com>
Concord, NC - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 9:31 AM CST

Sending good thoughts your way. If what I read in the guestbook is correct...I wish you a Happy Birthday.
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Wednesday, February 11, 2009 9:29 AM CST

Rebecca and Scott, keeping you both close in my heart and in my prayers. Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
- Tuesday, February 10, 2009 7:02 PM CST

just droppping in to let you guys know i'm thinking about you....and not a day goes by that zach doesn't creep into my thoughts also...and i know it's a day early scott but i hope you're able to enjoy your birthday tomorrow...he'll be smiling down on you and probably calling you an old man :)
Jenn <yankeez-girl2@hotmail.com>
Canada - Tuesday, February 10, 2009 6:34 PM CST

Just checking in and letting you know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Brenda <wduffy6633@aol.com>
Boca Raton, FL - Tuesday, February 10, 2009 11:30 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca,

I still can't believe he's gone. I can still picture him - as a small child just being diagnosed, coming to terms with MORE chemo, dealing with hearing aids and insensitive peers, and struggling with growing into manhood with such a large burden to carry. I am honored to have been part of his (and your) journey and to have been witness to his courage, his honesty, his strength, and his spirit. But I have been equally honored to know the two of you during the most horrific circumstances a parent can experience. You loved him unconditionally while providing the boundaries and guidance a child needs. You fought alongside him and found treatments when hope was thought to be lost. Because of you, Zach had more time than anyone thought possible. He found strength and courage from you both and gave it back to you. Zach is not gone because he lost the will to live. He was a gift to you and to us, and thank you for sharing him with me (and the world). God bless you both,
Barb Abernathy <just_do_it@earthlink.net>
- Tuesday, February 10, 2009 9:15 AM CST

Thinking of you and hoping you find comfort in your memories.
Kristie <skaa@bellsouth.net>
Jensen Beach, Fl - Monday, February 9, 2009 5:27 PM CST

Thinking of you and hoping you're able to get a copy of that voice message!
Lyndsay http://findingjoyinthelittlethings.blogspot.com/
Canada - Monday, February 9, 2009 11:04 AM CST

Thinking of you and praying for sweet memories. Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Monday, February 9, 2009 8:25 AM CST

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you both. My prayers are for you to find some peace and comfort during this time within each other.
Sandi Cooper <jkcwellington@ bellsouth.net>
Wellington, FL - Sunday, February 8, 2009 7:10 PM CST

I'm not sure if they do this in the U.S. but there are cell phone companies in Canada that will save the messages off your loved ones' cell phones or your cell phones and put them on a cd for you. You might want to call and see if that is an option?

I continue to pray for you,
Shelly VanB <jasonshelly@sasktel.net>
Saskatoon, Sk Canada - Sunday, February 8, 2009 11:54 AM CST

Just stopping by to say that you are always in our prayers.
Zachary's voice will come to you strong and clear in your dreams.
Gail W
Toronto, ON Canada - Saturday, February 7, 2009 9:03 PM CST

Thinking of both of you
Kathy <kmayo42@aol.com>
Whitehall, OH - Saturday, February 7, 2009 9:00 PM CST

Scott,
Not that it in any way compares but my dad died two years ago from metastatic melanoma. He passed away six weeks after diagnosis. Right after he was diagnosed I flew home and thought then that I needed to record his voice but I was going back in a few weeks and decided to wait. The week before I went back he had stroke like symptoms and couldn't talk well. I never heard his voice the same way again and it will always remain one of my biggest regrets that I don't have anything of him talking. Some days I almost feel desperate to hear him. Still praying for you and your wife.
Kathleen
Atlanta, Ga - Saturday, February 7, 2009 7:45 PM CST

I'm thinking of you guys everyday. I wish there was something I or anyone could do to ease your pain. Just know many, many people are thinking of you everyday. Wishing you both peace and happiness for your future. Your precious Son is always with you...
Karen Walker <doggieclips@aol.com>
pt st lucie, fl USA - Saturday, February 7, 2009 5:14 PM CST

Thinking of you each day.
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Saturday, February 7, 2009 2:34 PM CST

thinking of you both. if my thought and prayer get you thru that next difficult moment...I'm pleased
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Saturday, February 7, 2009 12:12 AM CST

I just placed my order for 2 shirts and a dvd...I cant wait!
Colette <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
Port St. Lucie, FL - Friday, February 6, 2009 9:35 PM CST

Scott & Rebecca, I think of you both every day. It's aweful what you're both going through. You know we know. There are many of us who know. I still have Ryon's phone. I pay for it every month so I can hear his voice. I can't give it up. I used to listen all the time and leave messages for him, crazy I know. But I found my husband did too and even one or two of his friends. I listen now and then at this point in time. I have no magical words or promises. It is the hardest thing in the world "We" will ever have to cope with, for that I am sure! If you do find a way of getting that recording please let me know. I run it through my head all the time about how I can save it. Take care both of you and know that Zachary took his love you gave him with him! Dolores Rommel
Dolores Rommel <rommelj@bellsouth.net>
Jupiter, Fl 33458 - Friday, February 6, 2009 8:00 PM CST

Contact the cell phone/phone provider and explain the situation. I'm sure that they have some way of making a recording for you. The technology exists...just whether they choose to help you or not...

HINT: The recording is on a computer somewhere. Someone there should be able to access it on their desktop computer. When playing it they should be able to record it using Audacity, a free audio recorder (http://audacity.sourceforge.net/) (it records whatever is coming out of your PC's speakers). In turn they can email this to you and you can (1) save it on your computers and (2) burn it to CDs.

Tell them that you know it can be done and if necessary tell them how to do it via my directions above. Good luck. Let me know whether you are successful or not.
Brenda
Perinton, NY USA - Friday, February 6, 2009 5:44 PM CST

Hospice came to our house and did a video of our grandson thanking everyone who had helped us during his 5 year battle with cancer. After the video was done he went into his coma like sleep for 2 weeks before passing away. His journey was complete. It is hard to watch but comforting to know you have it.
Betty McCloskey <richnb2@aol.com>
Vero Beach, Fl USA - Friday, February 6, 2009 2:19 PM CST

We are here for you and are still praying for you.
Jessica Briske <jessicabriske@yahoo.com>
- Friday, February 6, 2009 12:39 AM CST

Rebecca and Scott, I think of you every day. I pray for you to somehow get thru each minute with God carrying you....and the pain to ease. You're in my heart at all times. You have prompted me to get more videos and voice recordings of my children. Thank you for that....I needed a kick in the butt to start that project I've been putting off. Love to you guys- Kim/Angel_Wings
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Friday, February 6, 2009 12:02 AM CST

Just had a thought..Did the school save the recording they played of Zach's friends interviewing him after he got the first tatoo? Maybe someone has a copy of that. I hope you can find a way to save Zachary's voice somehow..My heart is with you today, as always.
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
southwestern, ct - Friday, February 6, 2009 10:47 AM CST

So sorry for your loss. We lost my sister two years ago March and while it hasn't gotten 'better' or 'easier' without her, it has gotten 'different'. You learn to go on cause you don't have another choice and the feeling like you've just been hit in the chest with a baseball bat...well, it does ease.

Anyway, I wanted to suggest to you to contact the cell phone carrier, explain the situation to them and ask them if they can get you a recording of the outgoing message Zachary had on his cell phone. We were able to do this with Verizon for some voicemails so maybe the can do it for this also. Good luck.
Lynne
Los Angeles, CA - Friday, February 6, 2009 10:19 AM CST

...I know exactly what you mean about the voice recordings. It's been almost six years since I heard my Rachael's voice, and I so yearn to hear it. I have many recordings of her as a young one, but nothing of the young woman Rachael. Makes me crazy sad to this day...
Kathie Mayo www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachaelmayo <winkatmayo@hotmail.com>
- Friday, February 6, 2009 8:05 AM CST

Hello,
We would like to send you our sincere heartfelt thoughts. We know the pain of losing a child from this dreaded disease... we lost Jesson Oct 2007 15 mths ago, and the pain never goes, but the unbearable pain becomes slightly more bearable. On some occasions for us, you get a blast of unbearable pain, but your child remains strong in your thoughts, and you have to try to be strong, just the way they fought their courageous fight. Love and thoughts from the UK.
RIP Zach xxx
Let Peace and strength be with you at this very difficult time.
Love Helen Ash Kesia & Angel Jesson
xxxx
helen <helen10@btinternet.com>
Leicester, uk - Friday, February 6, 2009 2:25 AM CST

Hey -- just wanted to say hello.

Your thoughts about a new book would probably be an awesome thing for parents going thru this process. Losing someone is never easy, but having a 'guide' that includes what to do, how to do, things to get into order, etc. could be an incredible template/framework to assist folks.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Thursday, February 5, 2009 9:29 PM CST

I've got two boys and they constantly argue, night and day. When one goes to camp and one stays here, the most noticeable thing is the silence. As much as I hate them fighting, the deafening quiet is worse.

Absence has a presence. You will find your way, but the process is slow and I'm not sure there is any way to speed it up.

So lean on your friends, write, cry, do what you need to do. And rest in the knowledge that there are so many out there thinking of and praying for you.
Kathy, mom to Steven and aunt to angel Kyra
San Diego, CA USA - Thursday, February 5, 2009 6:33 PM CST

Scott and Rebecca:
You guys are absolutely on my mind all the time... I always think "how are they dealing with all that quiet?", in which you answer that question in your journal. I'm so sorry that you guys have to go through all this. I will continue to pray for you guys, as my own daughter's 15th birthday is coming up on March 8th...and I won't be able to get Zach off my mind. So many weep and grieve with you. May you find some comfort and joy in the midst of the pain...
Shayne B. <msfans@aol.com>
West Richland, WA - Thursday, February 5, 2009 3:41 PM CST

Praying for you both....and holding you in my heart
alyssa...www.caringbridge.org/ca/bennettboys (my godchildren) <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Thursday, February 5, 2009 2:37 PM CST

keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, February 5, 2009 1:07 PM CST

OH Scott, I know hat you mean about the voice recordings. and the video I dont have any of either of my son. It never entered my mind that he would be gone so sudden. I really dont have any of the other kids either I guess I should do that. I have a wonderful video of my mother showing us around her home several years before she died tho that is very cherished.
my thoughts and prayers are with the both of you. It takes a long long time before you feel you can even breath without pain. I know... but you do get there so hang in. its been 15 years and one month here..... and mostly I have the good memories left
Sharon <sholweger5@yahoo.com>
- Thursday, February 5, 2009 12:08 AM CST

My heart aches for you both. Hang in there.
Flossie <pweesgal@gmail.com>
Belle Chasse, LA United States - Thursday, February 5, 2009 11:44 AM CST

Wish I had more of Dad too... I understand exactly what you mean as far as your desire to have a more full bank of concrete bits and pieces to augment the many great memories... I hope you find some comfort in knowing that Zach gave us all some really good memories...
Cousin David <dadfelder@aol.com>
Roswell, ga USA - Thursday, February 5, 2009 11:38 AM CST

Thinking and praying of you daily. The voice and family picture of the two of us is one of the things I did miss not getting. It would be a very important part of the healing process when losing a child.... I also wish I would have video the service. I am so glad you guys did. Love you Guys
Deneen
www.caringbridge.org/page/tiffanie
Deneen Gethouas <dgethouas@comcast.net>
Enola, PA USA - Thursday, February 5, 2009 11:08 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca - When I read your journal entry now about hearing Zacharys voice it is s very true....Our daughter Blair had left me a voice message about two weeks before she passed away on my cell phone and to this day I have it saved and I do listen to it when I need to hear her voice - my husband Tom is not able to listen to it - too hard still for him. I was making pillows out of Blair's clothes this holiday season for family members and when I brought out the big basket Tom started to grab her clothes to smell them to see if they smelled of her and of course I had washed them all so there was only the scent of the laundry soap - however most of her really special things are kept in a closed closet and I suggested that he could open the closet and perhaps smell her.... Even though each of us has our memories there are still little things we want to see hear and feel....One of the things that our foundation www.blairstreeofhope.org provides to families are family photos as we never thought of that with Blair and as she was not expected to earn her wings we didn't have a family picture - so we offer family photos to our families and we know how much this means to them.... We think of you two and of Zachary and the hero and inspiration that he is to many - thank you for sharing so much of your journey.....

God Bless you and continue to give you strength and Hope!
In Hope
Kim Anderson

Kim Anderson <kanderson@blairstreeofhope.org>
Minnetonka, MN USA - Thursday, February 5, 2009 10:45 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca,
I've been up north taking care of my mother for the last six weeks but have been keeping up through the journal. You have been in my thoughts and prayers daily. I am so glad that I knew that bright light Zachary if only for a short time. God Bless you both.
Wendy <wpottinger@msn.com>
- Thursday, February 5, 2009 10:44 AM CST

I honestly cannot begin to imagine. I read your page every day and I go to write something that will help-I have two tweenage boys (and a girl) and I know NOTHING anyone could say could possibly help me if anything happened to them. I go away feeling helpless and not saying anything. I bet I am not the only one. Again, I am so deeply sorry you have to live with this hole in your hearts. I had to have an MRI two days ago and was so scared. I kept sweet Zachary's face in my mind the whole time. It gave me courage. If he could face what he faced time and time again, then surely I could do this one little thing. He has been an inspiration to me for years and he will continue to be. God bless you all, and the tatoo is..just achingly beautiful.
Jacqueline <nicndavs@yahoo.com>
Southwestern, CT - Thursday, February 5, 2009 10:17 AM CST

Thinking of you and praying for you. One day at a time. Zachary will help show you the way. Your lives are forever blessed by him. He will always be with you. Praying that the happy memories help to sustain you through the dark days.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Thursday, February 5, 2009 9:53 AM CST

We Love you and think of you often. Zackary will always live in our hearts.
Peter Caufield <pcaufiel@yahoo.com>
Lake Worth, FL - Thursday, February 5, 2009 8:51 AM CST

Beautiful tattoo. Praying for you guys...
alyssa...www.caringbridge.org/ca/bennettboys (my godchildren) <sabiemc@aol.com>
Chapel Hill, NC USA - Wednesday, February 4, 2009 9:32 PM CST

Beautiful tattoo, Rebecca! I'm still thinking of you guys and checking in here. Hugs
Nikki from the blogathon <pookielocks@ymail.com>
columbus, oh - Wednesday, February 4, 2009 8:00 PM CST

Thinking of you guys each day!
Natalie(Finn's Page) <nrooney@centurytel.net>
Eagle, CO - Wednesday, February 4, 2009 6:32 PM CST

Still thinking of you guys every day and hoping you're hanging in there. I can't imagine what it must be like.

I will be staying in Hobe Sound for a week in March working as an OT student in the Port St. Lucie school board. I'd love to see you guys while I'm there.
Love, Erin Doyle <boltsfan19@gmail.com>
Gainesville, FL - Wednesday, February 4, 2009 6:28 PM CST

Rebecca, the tatoo is a wonderful and amazing tribute to dear Zachary!
Brenda <wduffy6633@aol.com>
Boca Raton, FL - Wednesday, February 4, 2009 2:08 PM CST

Continuing to hold you close. Praying for your strength every day! Rebecca's tattoo is amazing....I love it!
Sherry Contento <Boberry608@hotmail.com>
Jupiter, FL - Wednesday, February 4, 2009 12:37 AM CST

Hi Scott and Rebecca-

Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you every day. Rebecca- the tatoo is amazing.
Diane Mathis <stubby3620@aol.com>
Hickory, NC - Wednesday, February 4, 2009 10:52 AM CST

Great tattoo!
Susan Foster <CLF8987@aol.com>
Troy, MO USA - Tuesday, February 3, 2009 7:13 PM CST

Just wanted to say hello. Let me know when you two feel like stone crab.
Benjy Starling <bstarling@scripps.edu>
West Palm Beach, FL USA - Tuesday, February 3, 2009 4:47 PM CST

Prayers for continued strength for the Finestone family...I won't even try to imagine how hard it is without Zachary by your side. How I wish for peace and comfort!

Zachary has touched countless lives...more than most people ever will--I feel this very deeply. This is not an understatement in any way. Who knows what life will throw our way?? But the graceful and courageous manner in which Zach lived each day is truly amazing and inspiring.
Shirley
NY, BY - Tuesday, February 3, 2009 2:28 PM CST

Just wanted to check in with you and Rebecca. Glad you two got away for a while. Rebecca, I love the tattoo. I'm still keeping ya'll in my daily prayers.

Love, Linda

Linda Resinger
Farmington, MO - Tuesday, February 3, 2009 1:32 PM CST

MY HEART WAS SADDEN WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT MY ZACHARY HAD PAST AWAY. I WILL MISS HIM COMING INTO THE FACILITY. MY PRAYERS AND CONDOLESCENCE TO THE FINESTONE FAMILY. ALTHOUGH TIMES MAY BE HARD ALWAYS REMEMBER ZACHARY WILL ALWAYS REMAIN IN OUR HEARTS. STAY STRONG REBECCA AND SCOTT
SEQUOIA CRAWFORD <SEQUOIA.GOLSON@HCAHEALTHCARE.COM>
LOXAHATCHEE, FL USA - Tuesday, February 3, 2009 10:29 AM CST

I missed the picture of the tattoo somehow, or it isnt showing up for me... I check the site everyday so I have no idea how I could have missed it. I would love to order a shirt by the way. My prayers for you both continue.
Susan Foster <CLF8987@aol.com>
Troy, MO USA - Tuesday, February 3, 2009 9:14 AM CST

Scott, Rebecca's tat is beautiful. I can't imagine the pain you are going thru, I would give anything to be able to make the pain go away. Thinking of Zachary and praying for you every day. Glad the trip was good. Carol
carol hagemann <hgturtle@cebridge.net>
Argenta, IL USA - Tuesday, February 3, 2009 7:53 AM CST

Rebecca, the tattoo is just beautiful. I bet Zachary would just love it too.
You are both in my thoughts and prayers every day.

Ann Watts <BubbasOldLady@aol.com>
Jacksonville, AR USA - Monday, February 2, 2009 10:18 PM CST

Dear Scott and Rebecca, Just wanted to let you guys know that you are in my thoughts everyday. I downloaded "Let Them Be Little" (the service was the first time I ever heard the song) to my ipod and every time I listen to it, I think of Zachary and of Rebecca's beautiful slideshow. I hope you are drawing strength from your memories of happier times. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do for you guys! I'll continue to pray for you both, Diana Fox
Diana Fox <fox8097@bellsouth.net>
Stuart, FL - Monday, February 2, 2009 9:54 PM CST

Scott, you need to keep writing. It's important for YOU. I have told you over and over that you have a special gift. The way that you have been able to share all the good, bad, happy and sad moments all these years has been so incredible. You are probably helping others get thru where you have already been. Rebecca.....nice art work! Thanks for the private showing!!!!
Susan (mom #2) <grammyflutie@bellsouth.net>
Jensen Beach, FL - Monday, February 2, 2009 3:29 PM CST

It's a beautiful tattoo.

Not long after my son was diagnosed with cancer. I was able to offer hope and advice to other parents going through the same thing. We were on all the email lists sadly welcoming new members to the club. We had insight and things to offer that people not in the club could not offer.

After my son died, I found myself in a new club and I have found that even after four years of membership, I have nothing. I have no advice, no insight, nothing to offer new members.

It's one of those things that you can't really share. You can't predict how things will go.

.. well, now I'm going to back track a little and offer one small thing that helped me and some other folks in my family.

It is a book called "Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief". You can find it on Amazon. It was written (or put together) by a parent who lost their teenager, (to an accident I believe). I liked the fact that it is just small passages. Little daily thoughts, that didn't take much effort to get through.

Someone gave the book to me and I found that my surviving 10 year old son, my husband, my sister and other family members were stealing it. I bought them all their own copy.

I can't say for sure if it will help you but there it is. I hope and pray that you find your way through.
Terry <tmbeck2@verizon.net>
- Monday, February 2, 2009 2:13 PM CST

Beautiful tattoo, Rebecca. Zachary would be proud. What a wonderful thing the ROTC is doing. Zachary embodies all of their beliefs. What a wonderful way to continue Zachary's legacy by offering scholarships in his name and honor.
Praying for you and Zachary's family and friends.
Lisa Kingsbury <dldarakingsbury@msn.com>
Sandy, UT - Monday, February 2, 2009 11:30 AM CST

praying that good memories carry you thru the bad times
tricia <triciabxny@yahoo.com>
- Monday, February 2, 2009 9:05 AM CST

Continuing to remember you in prayers. May the Lord comfort you as only He can!
Carla <wuzabear@bellsouth.net>
Cleveland, TN - Monday, February 2, 2009 7:45 AM CST

A beautiful reminder of a beautiful child...Zachary is missed!
Monica <rulonm@hotmail.com>
- Sunday, February 1, 2009 6:52 PM CST

rebecca, what a beautiful tribute to your wonderful son, good job.

nancy irving <bnirving@sympatico.ca>
toronto, ontario canada - Sunday, February 1, 2009 6:48 PM CST

Still here, praying for comfort and peace for both of you. I ask God to make each day easier for you to get thru - and that sometime soon, you will feel His peace in your hearts. Love, Kim/Angel_Wings
*Missing Zachary*
Kim <miller.k1971@yahoo.com>
Lecompte, La USA - Sunday, February 1, 2009 5:43 PM CST

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and pray you will find peace and consolation.
Love, Aunt Paula
Paula Sandfelder
Dunwoody, GA - Sunday, February 1, 2009 5:03 PM CST

blessing and peace. Praying for you both.
Vicky <hoosiermomma2@msn.com>
Plainfield, IN - Sunday, February 1, 2009 3:53 PM CST

Just wanted to let you know that I continue to keep you in my thoughts.
Rebecca Cook
Lille, France - Sunday, February 1, 2009 3:50 PM CST

I am sitting here wondering what Zach would say to see you get a tattoo...I love it!
Colette <colettemcknight@bellsouth.net>
psl, FL - Sunday, February 1, 2009 3:41 PM CST

I love you ^^ZacharY^^ I love you, too, Rebecca and Scott.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is to love and be loved in return.
~ From "Unforgettable with Love"
By Natalie Cole

Love. . . .Polly
Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
AngelWingsRemembers

Polly @ AngelWingsRemembers
USA - Sunday, February 1, 2009 12:31 AM CST

The tattoo is amazing...thank you for sharing. We are continuing to pray for the two of you, and for your families. Much love...
Corrie vanKampen <corrieander@thevankampens.com>
Edmonds, WA USA - Sunday, February 1, 2009 10:26 AM CST

Scott and Rebecca,

Knowing that there are no words that could possibly make anything better, I come here to just say that I am thinking of you.

Bethany Moore <themoorefive@comcast.net>
Poughquag, NY - Sunday, February 1, 2009 9:02 AM CST

2 weeks sems like forever and a day already , I know. One second you think he is just in the other room the next you know the terrible truth. I am keeping you in thought and prayer for comfort in knowing that you did all two parents could do ( and more) Zac will never be forgotten
Sharon <sholweger5@yahoo.com>
- Sunday, February 1, 2009 8:43 AM CST

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