History

Wednesday, September 2, 2009 10:44 AM CDT

Today marks three years since Cameron went to be with Jesus. We are doing well although a day doesn't go by that we don't think about him and wish he was here.

We know it would not benefit anyone, especially our immediate family, if we didn't pursue life with joy and anticipation of what God has for us. So we rejoice in each day we have and count our blessings.

This year, the beginning of the school year was amazingly uneventful. Since Derek entered kindergarten so many years ago in 1990, this season has brought excitement at the start of a new academic year. We bought new school supplies and clothes. For many of those years, we had kids attending three different schools while I was working in yet another school. Cameron would be beginning his senior year at Waterford High School. My mind is full of "what should have, would have been..."

This year, Chad continues in his current program at the Lighthouse and since we will be returning to Shanghai the end of this month, I'm not working. Nikki is taking a class at the Community College so there is one connection.

Thanks for checking in on us. Trusting God...missing Cam

Thursday, July 30, 2009 9:04 PM CDT

Wow, time flies. This month has been a whirlwind of activity for our family. Ed came home from China on July 10 for Derek's wedding! Can you believe our son has gotten married! On July 18, Nikki Young became our daughter-in-law in a beautiful ceremony in Springfield, MO. On July 25, we had another reception and they restated their vows on a beach here in CT giving our east coast friends and family to give their support and congratulations.

During the wedding, Derek and Nikki honored Cameron by having a "missing man" formation in their wedding party. It was special.

Soon after Cameron died, we planted a tree in front of our church in his memory. I had ordered a plaque but had never placed it or dedicated the tree appropriately. We realized that during the reception in CT that it would be a perfect time to do it while we had many friends and family gathered together. So that's what we did. It was beautiful.

We miss Cameron every day but he is missed even more on those special occasions in our family. He would love Nikki as a sister-in-law and would have thoroughly enjoyed the wedding and activities.

Continuing to trust God in all things...continuing to miss Cam

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 10:27 PM CDT

Time flies. Chad and I have been in China now for almost 4 months! We will be flying home around June 8 and will be home for 3 months. Derek and Nikki are getting married in July so it will be fun to be involved with that.

Living in China has been a good experience for us so far. I am very slowly learning the language and have met some Chinese people I can practice with.

Ed is working a lot and has a lot of pressure on his job but he enjoys the work.

I am still writing the book. I have been writing about the last months of his life and after. It has been slow and difficult. I have to take several "mental health" breaks. It is amazing how much it still hurts after 2 1/2 years. I don't imagine that hurt will ever go away.

God is good and his love and mercy endure forever.

I am thankful for God's presence wherever we go.

Monday, March 9, 2009 9:33 PM CDT

Chad and I have been in China for 3 months now. We will be here 3 more months before coming home for the summer. We are still doing well. We are in a comfortable routine. I am still writing, I'm taking some craft classes offered here in the Grand Gateway complex and I'm using Rosetta Stone to try to learn some Chinese Mandarin. I still work out about 4-5 days a week and Ed and I have enjoyed trying out several restaurants around the city on our date night every Saturday.

Ed is working hard but enjoys his work.

We miss our friends at home very much. We, however, are thankful that we have made some new friends here.

Thank you for checking in on us. We are privileged to have this opportunity to be in China.

Saturday, January 31, 2009 0:08 AM CST

We have been in China for 8 weeks now. It has gone very fast and we have seen and learned so much. We have met interesting people from all parts of the world, Australia, Mexico, China, Switzerland, Japan, Philippines, even Alabama and Michigan.

This past week has been the celebration of Chinese New Years. The celebration lasts 5 days. Ed has had the whole week off. On Jan 25 and again on the 29th there were amazing fireworks all over the city. We watched quite a show right from our apartment balcony. It went on for hours. It is pretty much a requirement of Chinese people to go visit their families at this time so many Shanghai people left town. It was relatively quiet around here and the traffic was lighter. I understand the airports, bus stations and railways were packed.

Chad is doing fine. He enjoys going for walks around here and taking taxi rides to see the town. He especially likes it when our friends come over. He is such a social guy. We miss our friends in CT, though, a lot.

Thanks for checking in. I'm continuing to work on my book. For the past few days, I have been writing about the first relapse and the first bone marrow transplant. I am reminded, again, how Cameron was such a brave warrior through the whole process. He endured so much and complained so little.

We miss him....we trust God as we move forward in our lives.

Thursday, January 8, 2009 7:39 PM CST

We have been here in China for over a month now. The apartment is starting to feel like "home". We are so pleased with our nanny/housekeeper, Salve. She is so good with Chad that I am able to get out every day and do something by myself. I go shopping some days but usually I go to the gym and ride the exercise bike. I can do that in spite of my bad knees.

Ed is working very hard, long hours and lots of pressure. We do enjoy the weekends together, though. We have a driver who has taken us to visit a few towns close to Shanghai and to see the more traditional lifestyles of the Chinese people. We have visited Zhu Jia Jiao and Zhuzhuang. It is all very interesting and we are taking lots of pictures.

God is good and has provided us with some good Christian friends. I even taught them how to play Mexican Train Dominoes. I enjoy that and used to play it with friends in CT often.

Over a year ago, I began writing a book about our lives, mostly focusing on our journey with Cameron's illness. I have started working on it again while we are here. It is flooding my memory of all those tough times but it is also reminding me of so many good times we had with Cameron. I miss him so much, all his energy, his creative ideas, his laugh and mostly his companionship. He was such a good friend and son.

A day doesn't go by that I don't think of him and imagine what he is doing in Heaven. He really did suffer those last few months of his life here on earth but he is no longer suffering and for that, this mom is so happy!

God Bless you all,
Missing Cam, Praising God and Trusing Him

Wednesday, December 31, 2008 10:29 PM CST

Happy New Year from Shanghai, China. We celebrated 13 hours before our friends on the East Coast! We are celebrating today with friends at our home here in Shanghai.

We wish all of you a healthy, happy, prosperous 2009! If you are in Shanghai, give us a call!

Blessings, missing Cam on another momentus event and continuing to trust God.

Thursday, December 18, 2008 11:33 PM CST

Christmas is a totally different experience for us this year. Unlike normal years, I haven't bought gifts, wrapped any presents, baked any cookies, hung one single ornament or sent one card. It is just so different. Oh, Shanghai is all aglow for Christmas. You can see glitzy and glittery decorations, there are Santas with the sleigh and reindeer. You can hear Christmas carols piped into the loud speakers of the stores and Starbucks even has their special "Christmas blend" coffee. But there is something missing. You don't see any nativity scenes or hear any mention of the reason for the season. There is no celebration of Jesus' birth.

I don't even know how Ed, Chad and I will celebrate the day but even though it won't be in the traditional way we usually celebrate, the real meaning of Christmas will be in our hearts as always. That will never change no matter where we are. I hope that you make that a focus of your celebrations. I'm sure many of you do that every year.
We will miss being with family and friends, especially Derek!!! It will be our first Christmas without him in 23 years!!!

I ran across a poem. It is similar to one I posted last year. This year my mom is celebrating with Cameron and Linda in heaven.

I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold wintry nights.

I still share your hopes
and all of your cares
I'll even remind you
to please say your prayers.

I just want to tell you
You still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd.

Keep trying each moment
to stay in His grace.
I came here before you
To help set your place.

You don't have to be
perfect all the time.
He forgives you the slip
If you continue to climb.

To my family and friends
Please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
In a new special way.

I love you all dearly
Now don't shed a tear
Cause I'm spending my Christmas
with Jesus this year.

John Wm. Mooney

......trusting our Lord .....missing Cameron and mom
I love you both so much

Thursday, December 11, 2008 5:52 PM CST

Good morning,
So much has happened here in the past few days. There are lots of adjustments for Chad and me. We are working on it. We have seen some incredible things, eaten some different foods, met some people and SEEN thousands of people. I went to the market by our apartment last night and was the only caucasian in the whole place which was packed with people.
We live in a affluent part of town....not typical of Shanghai, I'm sure. We haven't gotten out to other parts of the city except for last Sunday when Ed took us out for a Sunday brunch. We will get out more this weekend.

God has provided us with a wonderful Christian woman who is helping us so much with the apartment, running errands and mostly with Chad. Chad loves her already. She has a sweet spirit and is an incredibly hard worker. Get this, I watched as she ironed Chad's pajamas yesterday! Oh and you should see my drawers.

We have had mixed reactions by the Chinese people around here to Chad. Some have gawked at him unashamedly. Most just ignore him and walk on past us. A few have smiled sweetly in an understanding way, recognizing his sweet spirit inspite of his size and that he is different. And then there are some who cower away from him. Our housekeeping staff who changes Chad's bedding every day and cleans the apartment twice a week has let us know that they are afraid of Chad. We were told to keep him away from them when they enter the apartment....as if I wouldn't do that anyway!

All in all, the first 5 days have gone pretty well. m The weather is nice, it is in the 50-60's. Ed continues to work hard at his very demanding job and we are here to keep him company and love on him when he comes home. That is so much better than being a world apart.

God Bless you all as we continue to trust Him.....and very much miss my loving Cameron.

Saturday, December 6, 2008 11:43 PM CST

We made it! We left our house on Friday night at 8:00 pm. We left JFK at 12:45 am, flew 15 hours, drove 50 minutes and arrived here at the apartment at 6:30am Sunday morning. My birthday was actually only about 12 hours so I guess that means I only aged by 1/2 year this year. haha

I'll write more tomorrow after getting some rest. We didn't sleep much on the plane.

Love to you all,

Trusting God as we embark on this new season in our lives..
missing Cam....wishing he was here with us.

Friday, December 5, 2008 1:37 PM CST

The day is here! We leave tonight for Shanghai. We leave JFK at 12:45am and fly for 15 hours straight to Shanghai. Then we have a 50 minute ride to our apartment from the airport. So it will be quite a long trip!! Pray for Chad and me to have the stamina it requires. Ed is confidant we will handle it ok.

A horrible thing has happened that puts a bit of a damper on our trip. Ed hired a guy from our church, Mark, to work in China. He has been there for 3 months working and his wife, Sue, has been here preparing to move over there. She was so excited about this adventure!! Her departure date was scheduled for Dec 3, last Wednesday. To make a long story short, she was found by her brother-in-law unconscious in her apartment on Saturday morning and she was taken to the hospital unconscious. She is still unconscious and in the ICU...possibly she had a heart attack. No one is sure what happened. Mark had to get home from China as soon as possible and his future hangs in limbo depending on what happens with Sue. Please keep them both in your prayers.

The next entry will be from CHINA! Can you believe it? The last time I was away from home for months at a time, was for Cameron to receive treatment, hospitals, dr appointments, waiting rooms. this time, it will be for an extended vacation for Chad and me. Ed will be working very hard but we will be there for him in the evenings and on weekends.

Continuing to trust God and miss Cameron!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 1:29 PM CST

Ed spent a week in Las Vegas at a conference. Now that he is home, we are really focusing on the final details we need to check off our "to do list" before we can go. Yesterday, we finally got Chad's and my passports and the paperwork sent in for our Visas. All our medical requirements are done. My stomach is starting to do flip-flops now and then. I'm excited but obviously there is some apprehension, too.

Derek and Nikki were here for a few days and left this am. It was great to spend a little time with them.

Our little friend, Shannia, from St. Jude passed away last weekend. My heart goes out to her lovely family. The pain they are experiencing is so deep and intense. Please pray for them to be able to find a way to move forward even though they have a huge hole in their hearts.

We are looking forward to spending Thanksgiving here with our close friends. Some might think we are a little crazy, but we will be having 25 here. It will be a sort of bye-for-now occasion, too.

I wonder...if Cameron was still here with us... would we still be going to China? He would be a Junior in High
school so I'm thinking we wouldn't be moving. But if we were, he would be excited about this adventure, no doubt. One thing is for sure, we are excited about what plans God has for us over there.

Continuing to miss Cam as much as ever and trusting God!

Friday, November 14, 2008 9:00 AM CST

Ed got home on Wednesday. Now we will be really kicking into gear toward leaving on Dec 6.

On Tuesday, Chad had to have his immunization shots. Because I had them only a few weeks ago, I know how that feels. It hurts for a few days after the shots. He was such a BRAVE trooper. He didn't even flinch. Then the poor guy had to get dental work done yesterday. To have a thorough exam and the required work done, he had to be put under general anesthesia. The x rays showed he had a few small cavities that were filled but the big one, and unexpected, was that he had a wisdom tooth that was emerging and going to cause problems. So they had to extract that. It was tough and Chad is swollen and sore today. Thankfully, Ed was there with us and it was fortunate that we could get this all done before going to China. Being at the hospital, waiting in the waiting room for a few hours was all too familiar and disconcerting.

A dear little girl we met when we were at St. Jude over 2 years ago, Shannia, is still at St. Jude. After fighting so many complications after a bone marrow transplant, she is toward the end of her fight if God doesn't intervene. Her family is from somewhere in the Caribbean near South America. Her mom and her have been separated from her dad and brother for about 4 years with only occasional short visits. We are praying that the dad and brother can make it to see her before God takes her home with Him. Please pray with us for this dear family.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/shanniamorgan

Thanks for continuing to check on us. God is faithful even in these tumultuous days in our country. He is still in control.

Trusting God and Missing Cam

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 6:06 AM CDT

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, CAMERON!!! WE MISS YOU SO MUCH.

You were such a beautiful, wonderful gift that was given to us by God on that day 17 years ago.

I went to the cemetary today and was surprised to see the beautiful memorial stone was in place. I will try to post a picture of it soon. It was tearful and emotional to see it there with his name on it....BIG SIGH

Sunday, October 19, 2008 10:43 AM CDT

The awesome fall colors are really something to see around here especially this year. They are spectacular! They are starting to fade and fall to the ground now but what a show God displayed in New England.

Ed is busy over across the world with work but also getting our apartment ready for Chad and me to come over. He is impressed and excited for us to come. God is also preparing the way for us. Ed has met some Christians, has attended a cell group with them and has met a Christian doctor who was trained and worked in Boston for many years. He met a lady at the cell group who has been trained to work with special needs people and is interested in meeting Chad and possibly working with him. Ed comes home Nov 8 for the month then we will all go back with him.

I have my physical and immunizations this Tuesday. I hope that goes well. Chad went to a dentist who specializes in working with special needs people in CT. He scheduled Chad to go into the hospital to get a full check up and x-rays, etc. under general anesthesia. It is the only way to really get the job done with him. That process began over a year ago and just now is being done. He is scheduled for this appointment on Nov. 13 after Ed gets home so he can help me. I am delighted it will be done before we go to China!

A friend we met at St. Jude, who also lost her teenage son, Nick, about a week before we lost Cameron, has been visiting St. Jude and journaling her thoughts on his Caringbridge site. As I read her words, I have been reliving all those days I spent with Cameron there. It is wonderful to feel so close to him even though those days were extremely tough!!! Oh to sit there one more time with him; in the medicine room or the lobby waiting for his name to be called for his appointment, or pushing him in his wheelchair to his school room downstairs or to PT. At least I would be with him, talking to him, hearing what he is thinking, touching him, holding him. But that is all selfish. He is so much better off now where he is. He doesn't have to drag his IV pole around, protect his port, watch that the PTN tubes don't get tangled or tripped on, get up the courage to take his oral meds while fighting nausea, think about blood counts, chest xrays and all those "wonderful" things. We will just now have to wait until we meet him again in GLORY!!! Thanks, Wendy, for helping me to feel that closeness with Cam through your words.

Missing Cam....trusting and leaning on God every day.

Monday, September 22, 2008 4:26 PM CDT

Monday, Sept 29, is St. Jude's Day at Chili's. All their profits go directly to St. Jude!! Please consider eating at Chili's on Monday... see you there!
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This Wednesday is the Light the Night Walk. We are looking forward to raising some money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and having a good time walking in memory of Cameron. Come join us if you are in the area.

Good news. Derek and Nikki got engaged last weekend. It is always a wonderful thing when God brings people together who love each other and want to spend their lives together. We are happy that Nikki will be a part of our family.

Ed is now in China. He is getting into his new position and will be looking into getting our apartment ready for us to come in November. We are getting excited but have quite a lot to do here before we go so we have to stay focused on what we need to do.

God Bless you all.
Trusting Him and Missing Cam

Saturday, September 13, 2008 9:08 AM CDT

We finally ordered a headstone for Cameron's gravesite. It will be put in place this month sometime. I'm so relieved that we could finally do this for our dear boy.

We are busy taking care of some necessary details toward going to China. We have to get Chad's and my passports, get physicals and the required shots, we are fitting in some long over-due dental work for Ed and me and continuing to work our regular schedules. We are getting as much of it done as possible before Ed leaves on Thursday, Sept 18. The plan is for him to come home the first of November to stay for a couple of weeks and then we will all leave toward the end of the month. We are getting excited about the whole thing!! We especially are thanking God for this opportunity that doesn't come along every day!

Derek says Blaze is still doing well, seems healthy. We are so grateful for that! He seems to be getting along fine in his new home with his bro, Derek but we miss him.
Dimitri has finally adjusted to him not being here. It was funny to see how insecure he was without his big buddy to "protect" him. Now he just stays very close to me when I'm home.

Thanks to all of you who remembered the day Cameron went to be with the Lord. We received some flowers, cards and phone calls that meant so much to Ed and me.

Remember, we have the Light the Night Walk on September 24. Please consider sending a small donation to our team who is walking in memory of Cam for the deserving cause, Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Missing God, trusting God

Tuesday, September 2, 2008 7:45 PM CDT

Our dearest Cameron,
As we visited your grave site tonight, there were so many things that came to mind that we wished we could tell you. Mostly, we want to say how much we love you, miss you, we want to see you and hear your voice, your laugh and feel your sweet hug. So often we include you in our conversations saying "If Cam was here, he would..." or "Cam would like that or wouldn't like that." We hear songs that remind us of you, see your friends and know you should be hanging out with them. I watch the Yankees or Mythbusters and miss you. Derek would love to tell you about his plans. We love to speculate on what you would be doing today if...

You have been with us in our thoughts and in our hearts every day, several times a day in the past two years. We know you are doing GREAT...WAY BEYOND WHAT WE CAN EVEN IMAGINE and we will see you soon!

Although our hearts are heavy, we have a peace and a joy that comes from our Holy Spirit, our Comforter. We are blessed to have that Gift.

All our Love....missing you,

Mom and Dad

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 8:22 PM CDT

Hi friends,
We have a lot going on in our lives but nothing will ever dull the pain of this time of year. It will be two years Sept 2, since we lost Cameron. The pain is as sharp as ever but thankfully, we have been able to move forward with joy and peace.

Today, I found a couple of disposable cameras that had been "used up" but I couldn't remember what pictures were on them. I got them developed today. Some of the pictures were of Cameron in the last couple of weeks of his life. He looked extremely weak, tired, SICK and thin but he is smiling. There is one precious picture of him with one of the therapy dogs from St. Jude. He is sitting in his wheelchair with his TPN bag reaching over and petting the sweet golden retriever. It seems like yesterday!!

Ed is in North Carolina today. He met with the president of Shaw to finalized the plans for us to go to Shanghai. Everything is falling into place as it only would if God was in it. We are getting excited about the adventure that is ahead of us.

I started working yesterday in the Norwich Public Schools again. I'll work for a couple of months before leaving. I'm assigned to a school that I worked in before as a substitute Speech Pathologist so I know the staff and many of the kids.

Thanks for checking in and for your thoughts and prayers especially at this time of the year.

Missing Cam, trusting God

Wednesday, August 13, 2008 11:47 AM CDT

You might be surprised to hear of the latest development in our lives. Ed's company really wants him to work in China so they have poured on the incentives to get us to move to Shanghai. The incentive package they have proposed has made it exciting and we are going to do it. It is 99% sure at this point with a little more negotiating to do to make it 100%. One of the best things they have offered is that we can go for 2 months on a trial period. If we find it too difficult or we really don't like it, we can come back with no obligations. Otherwise, we will be there for about 2 years. We will be living in a 3 bedroom condo in an executive luxury building. We will have a car and driver at our disposal 24/7. They will hire someone to help us with Chad. There is a fitness center, pool and a 300 store western mall at the base of the apartment building and LOTS more amenities.
Ed will get a large raise and they will pay for all of us to fly business class. That is a glimpse into what they are offering. Chad and I would be on vacation and pampered while Ed works hard as the Director of Operations over the 12 nuclear plants that are being built.

My main concern is leaving the dogs. We are working on that and someone to watch the house for us. Everything will work out if God is in it and we believe He is.

Derek is home after being in Sturgis, SD for over a week. He will be going back to Springfield soon.

The summer is flying by. Enjoy what is left of it. We are going to go visit Ed's parents this weekend in Schroon Lake, NY. We haven't seen them in almost a year.

Trusting God,,,,missing Cam

Sunday, August 3, 2008 4:48 PM CDT

We are so happy to have Ed home finally after being away for 7 weeks in China. He got home last night. His work is really appreciated there; in fact, the people he works with there seriously want us to move there for a couple of years. I can't imagine how that would happen but if that is what the Lord wants for us, we'll do it. He will make it clear if it is what He wants us to do.

Today Derek left with the church band to drive to Sturgis, SD for the huge motorcycle rally. They have played there for the last 7 years. He will be back next Sunday or Monday.

Blaze is still doing fine...quite surprising, really. He has been acting quite normal although he has obviously lost some weight.

We are finally shopping for a memorial headstone for Cameron's grave site. We haven't had the money to spare until now. It has been a terribly difficult thing for us to not have it up but just haven't been able to do it yet. We would love to have it up by September 2nd which will be two years since he passed away. I don't know how long it will take to get it ordered and put up but it would be nice to have it done by then.

Gotta go help James and Deb move into another apartment. James preached in our church this morning and did an awesome job of encouraging us, as believers to be all that God wants us to be. We need to reach higher and do more for God rather than settling on being complacent.

Trusting God, missing Cameron

Wednesday, July 23, 2008 8:25 AM CDT

I got the test results from the vet this morning. Blaze's behavior is apparently deceiving. The kidney enzymes continue to show advanced disease. He should not be doing so well according to the lab numbers. The vet said to just enjoy every day we have with him because he doesn't know how long it will last. He saw one dog last a few months with a similar condition but most don't. We will do as he suggests, enjoy him and continue to pray for God to give him a good quality of life if not a total healing!
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Blaze continues to do very well. He had an appointment with the vet on Monday. She was surprised at how well he was doing. We are still waiting for the blood test results. It feels so familiar...waiting for test results!

Ed is still in HaiYung, China. He has been busy but finding a lot of favor with the people there. I understand the people really want him to stay and to bring his family there. I don't know about living there, but it would be wonderful to visit. I can't imagine the 12-13 hour plane flight with Chad, though. We'll pray about it and God willing, we would love to go.

Nikki had to go home. We miss her already. Derek was cleaning out our gutters when he hit a hornets' nest. He tried to climb down the ladder quickly but got his foot caught in the rung of the ladder. He fell down 7 feet right on his knee onto concrete! It has been very sore!!

I will be attending an organizational meeting tonight for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light the Night Walk. If you are in the area, we would love to have you join our team, Cam's Clan, to raise money for this terrific organization. The walk will take place on September 24 at Harkness Park. It was so much fun last year. Don't miss it!

Trusting God....missing Cam

Monday, July 14, 2008 8:53 AM CDT

We are so pleased at how well Blaze is doing. You would hardly know that he is sick by watching his behavior. He isn't eating the way he used to eat. WE are having to give him some prescription food or cook low protein food for him. He doesn't like it but doesn't eat his regular food very well, either. I think he is eating enough to sustain him for now. we are having a tough time getting him to take his meds. Derek has more success with that than I do so it is now his job. sooo glad he is here.
Thanks for your prayers for him. I know some people don't really believe in praying for pets but I believe God cares for our animals as they are really parts of our family.

Nikki is still here. We are enjoying having her.

James kicked off his new ministry here in New London with a service last night. They will meet once a month for a few months and then start to meet weekly on Sunday evenings in Oct or Nov. We are praying for God's continued anointing on his ministry and life.

Ed is still in China and will be for another 3 weeks!!! It is way too long this time.

Thanks for checking in on us. We keep missing Cameron and trusting God

Thursday, July 10, 2008 6:53 PM CDT

The news about Blaze isn't good. He has not responded to the treatment for his kidneys so after spending 3 nights at the animal hospital, he is home. He isn't feeling well. He came home with 6 different meds just to make him more comfortable. He probably won't live more than a couple of weeks. We are so sad!!! We will enjoy some cuddle time for now.

Derek got home. I have been so thankful to have him here to help me with decisions and for support with Blaze. It would have been even harder without him here. Ed feels helpless being so far away.

Derek's girlfriend Nikki, is coming here tonight. It will be fun to have her here.

Trusting God, still missing Cameron so much

Monday, July 7, 2008 8:35 PM CDT

Oh man! It has been another tough day. Our dear Golden Retriever, Blaze, is sick now. He hasn't acted right for the past couple of days. I took him to the vet today. He has Lyme's Disease with kidney complications. We had to put him into the Animal Hospital tonight for 48 hours to try to flush out the kidneys and see how much damage there is. Chad was with me when I had to take him to drop him off. Chad cried and sobbed from the depths of his heart! It was awful. Although he can't express the great losses he has experienced in the past year and a half, he obviously feels it and it scared that he will lose Blaze, too.

Those feelings mirror how I am feeling. I know seeing a dog sick and possibly losing him is NO WHERE NEAR losing a person in the family, but it hurts non-the-less. Blaze also represents Cameron to us in so many ways. He was Cam's dog, given to him as a gift following his first transplant. His OWN dog was what he really wanted. He picked Blaze out and took him as his special pal. He took him to obedience class and did a wonderful job of training him. Blaze has a wonderfully fun, smart, charming personality. We are just praying that he will be ok and will be a part of our family for many more years.

Derek is on his way home. He will arrive some time around 1:30-2:00 am. I am so glad he will be here with us for a few weeks. Ed is still in China. He just moved from Shanghai to Hai Yung. It is a small town on the East coast where they are building some of the nuclear plants. He said it is way ot in the boonies with nothing around...
very authentic Chinese as opposed to the cities that have a more international feel.

Gotta go retire for the evening with no Blaze at the foot of the bed to keep me company. I still have Dimitri to cuddle with tonight. Hopefully, tomorrow will bring better news.

Trusting God, Missing Cam

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 9:54 AM CDT

It is a slow summer morning here. Chad was home last week and this week so we are slow to get going in the morning. Each night we have been up very late watching the Lakeland, FL Outpouring on God TV so it is good that we can sleep in. What a tremendous work of God's glory and power is taking place there. James and Deb are there this week.

We are especially missing Ed this time. I think it is because it was an unexpected trip as well as it being summer with a lot of social activities, cookouts, etc. We have to grin and bear it because we have a ways to go... about 4 more weeks. It will help when Derek comes home and Nikki comes for a visit.

I had an unexpected breakdown in church on Sunday. I missed Cameron so much. I was having flashbacks of the fun, lively, bright-eyed kid he was when he was feeling well. I wanted his hugs & laughter with me. Chad was wonderful. He understood what I was feeling and was so sweet and comforting. I really appreciated that and drew strength from him at that moment. I am usually giving my strength to him so it was such a nice moment to receive from him.

So we are looking forward to what God has for us today.

Missing, Cam, Trusting God

Sunday, June 15, 2008 8:42 AM CDT

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, ED, DAD and POP! and to all the other fathers we know. It is another tough day for Ed when Cameron is not here. It is a rough day for my dad to celebrate his fatherhood without the mother of his children there to celebrate with him. My dad is doing quite well. Their wedding anniversary was the 3 days ago, they would have been married 56 years! My sister passed away 19 years ago yesterday. She would have been married 33 years on the 5th of June and would have turned 53 on the 17th of this month. June is a month of a lot of uncomfortable reminders of what could have been.

But we won't focus on that. We CHOOSE to look ahead and enjoy today, this week and this year.

Unfortunately, Ed has to go to China again today. He will be there for a month or so this time. He has to cover for another guy who is dealing with his wife's breast cancer so it is an unexpected but necessary trip.

God is Good and His Mercy Endures Forever! That mercy covers us in all circumstances. Thank you, Lord.

Missing Cam....trusting God.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008 10:03 PM CDT

We got home late Sunday night. The Memorial service for mom was beautiful and attended by many long time friends. The best part was that her entire family was there to honor her. That is pretty impressive since there are 31 of us....my dad, 5 children and their spouses, their son-in-law and his wife, 13 grandchildren, two of them with spouses, 2 of them with fiances and a great-granddaughter. Linda and Cameron were with us in spirit. One of her brothers from Minnesota was able to come along with his son.

Now, Dad has to figure out how to learn how to live alone for the first time EVER!

My mom joined the heavenly choir in the presence of the Lord at 9:06 tonight. She was greeted there, I'm sure, by my sister, Linda, and Cameron.

She showed us how strong she was by surprising us how long she held on. She dropped low on Friday night and we were all called in because she would not likely make it through the night. My brothers came from Arkansas, Tulsa and Denver. Then she lost consciousness on Saturday afternoon and we didn't expect her to live past that evening. But she held on with very little reserves until tonight. she was surrounded by many of her loved ones.

There is much rejoicing in heaven tonight but we are sad to let her go. I'm so glad I extended my trip to be here for her final goodbye and to be with my dad. Ed and Chad have already begun their trip this way. It is a long 24 hour drive. People are traveling from almost every direction so please pray for traveling mercies as we gather to remember our wonderful mom, grandma, sister and friend.

Missing Cam, missing mom and trusting God

Friday, May 23, 2008 9:26 AM CDT

I arrived in Springfield on Wednesday and went directly to mom's room at the Maranatha Manor. She is incredibly frail. We were told by the doctors that we could expect her to live only a week or so because she had quit eating and drinking. She just doesn't recognize the need for those things anymore. We feel she occasionally recognizes one of us but we don't know for sure. She does seem to be at peace most of the time which is a blessing.

As I sit in the room with her and my dad, I have to try to keep myself focused on my them. Otherwise, I feel almost transported back a year and a half ago when it was Cameron in that bed and we were preparing for him to go. There are so many similarities but the main difference I feel is that no matter how hard it is to see my mom facing her last days, it is somewhat natural in the order of life. There comes a time when everyone dies. But there was a huge disruption in the order of life and many questions left unanswered when our dear son of only 14 years was taken from us or when my dear sister of only 33 years was taken. Nonetheless, we will miss mom terribly and to see my dad's sorrow is devastating. Thanks for keeping us all in your prayers.

Missing Cam, continuing to trust God in ALL things

Monday, May 19, 2008 3:50 PM CDT

We were shocked and dismayed to hear that a friend of ours lost her life suddently on Friday. Susan Smith was a 28 year old mother of two small children and the wife of a navy man. She has dealt with severe diabetes for years but we don't know what caused her death. Her family attends our church. She was a loving, fun wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend. Her memorial service was beautiful but difficult as we watched Eric holding his little 4 year old boy and 10 month old daughter. He was surrounded by a big family of wonderful people but none of them live around here. They live in Missouri, Florida and Kentucky. Please keep them in their prayers as they begin to face life without Suz.

The memorial service was difficult, too, because it was the first such service I have been to since Cameron's celebration service. All of a sudden, my memory and emotions were right back on that day. I don't think that will ever fade with time.

I got a call last week with another job offer in Norwich so I am back to work. However, I had already made plans to go see my mom and dad (& Derek) so I will be doing that this week. I'll be leaving on Wednesday and returning on Memorial Day. I wish Chad and Ed could go with me but it didn't work out this time. Pray for me as I go. It will be difficult for me to see mom as she is for the first time. I will really focus on dad and giving him some extra moral support. It will be wonderful to see Derek and Nikki and the rest of my family there.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008 6:07 PM CDT

Mother's Day was sweet. Chad made me a sweet card and gift at school. Derek and Nikki called me and went to visit my mom. That was special to me. Omi called and I had dinner with James and Deb and their kids. They were all wonderful in giving their love to me on Mother's Day. I'm blessed.

What I missed was that Cameron would always make breakfast in bed for me. I missed his hugs and presence. That hole will never be filled. One year when he was about 7-8, I gave him a little money and let him shop by himself at Walmart. He picked out the "perfect gift". It was in a big box and very light weight. I couldn't figure out what it was! When I opened it I was a little startled. It was a styrofoam cross with beautiful yellow and white flowers on it with a wire easel on the back. It was obviously a decoration for a grave site. He, of course, didn't know that and was so proud of the beautiful gift. I kept it for a long time. I wish I had it now to put on his gravesite.

Missing Cam....trusting God....
___________________
Life has had some more ups and downs this month. Ed got home from China after being away for 3 weeks this time. Chad is officially graduating out of the school system at the age of 21. My job is coming to an end this week. I have been filling in for a woman on maternity leave. It has been a challenging job but rewarding in many ways, too. I will be doing some independent contract work for a few months and then picking up some more work in Norwich in the fall.

The down part of the month is with my mom. She has had beginning signs of Alzheimer's Disease for a few years with slow progression. She has been functioning pretty well at home with my dad. However, about 5 weeks ago, there was a sudden, very distressing decline in her condition. She has had to be placed in a nursing home and is not doing well. My dad is understandably having a hard time with all of these developments as all of us are. They have been married for 56 years. It is devastating for him to spend time with his precious wife, hardly being able to communicate with her and then to go home to a quiet, empty house. It is so difficult to see our parents get older and have to deal with tough issues like this one.

Ed's mom is dealing with intense, almost unbearable pain on a continuous basis due to long term medical issues she has had. Both of our fathers are wonderful caretakers for our moms. They are the best examples of commitment and love for a lifetime that anyone could imagine.

On a very positive note, our spiritual son, James, has been preaching in Holland and has also been a part of a great revival that has broken out in Lakeland, FL. The best man in his wedding, Todd Bently, is the main evangelist in the revival. Todd went to the Ignited Church in Lakeland just a week after James and Deb's wedding. The church housed 750 max. It began to be filled to overflowing every night. They moved to another church that seated 2,000 and it still wasn't big enough for the thousands of people who lined up for 4-5 hours outside to get a seat. They then moved the services to a large arena and last weekend, they had over 12,000 people in a stadium. There have been 35,000 documented healings that have taken place; everything from scars being removed to people who have been wheelchair bound for many years or for their whole life, walking. There is so much more I can't even begin to list here. If you would like to see more about this, you can watch the services live on the internet at www.freshfire.ca.com. We are so pleased that God is using our James in such powerful ways.

Enough for now. We will never stop missing Cam but we continue to move forward with God's grace.

Missing Cam.....trusting God

Saturday, April 5, 2008 5:42 PM CDT

It has been a busy week. Ed is back in Shanghai for a few weeks and Chad and I have been on Spring Break. Right after Ed left for China, James and Deb returned from their honeymoon so they have been here to keep us company.

My mom has been sick and in the hospital so my brothers and dad have been dealing with a lot in caring for her. I wish I could be there but....

We have been enjoying some beautiful Spring weather. It makes me get motivated to get out and do yard work and then my knees remind me they are not so willing to do yard work. I try to do a little at a time to keep us both happy :)

Seeing the Lesters having to deal with the loss of Emily has been hard on us. We can empathize with them, knowing how much they miss Emily because we continue to .......

miss Cam, and trust God

My heart is heavy as I write this. Our friend, Emily Lester, passed away during the night last night. She is the young lady who became good friends with Cameron at St. Jude and her whole family became our dear friends. She was an incredible young woman. At the age of 14, she wrote this poignant poem:

They say it is a battle
They say it is a fight
That I am such a strong one
As I make it through each night

That I'm so brave to take it
All this pain I hate
How can I not? I have no choice
This cancer was my fate.

What defines a winner?
To die or stay alive
They say that you're a winner
When it is gone and you survive

But what defines a failure?
It's not when death takes place!
Suffering is rewarded
When Heaven is your place

Because if you think about it
Is Heaven not a true reward?
To live in paradise for suffering
Is a repayment from our LORD

I think that the true answer
Is that cancer's really tough
Through life or death you always succeed
When God has put you through enough

So next time you call it battle
There is some thought that you should give
You always win for suffering
Whether you pass away or live.

God has surely given her the reward for her suffering, to be in His presence! I'm sure Cameron was there to greet her along with so many others who were blessed enough to have known her while she was on the earth.

Your prayers on our behalf after Cameron went to be with Jesus got us through, and continue to get us through, so many tough days. Please lift Steve, Trish, Catherine and Gracie (their special needs daughter) in prayer for comfort and peace.

Another friend from St. Jude, Ann Trahan, wrote this beautiful tribute to Emily http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacetrahan.

Especially praising God for the promise of eternal life with Him...trusting Him in our daily lives....missing
Cameron more than ever.

Monday, March 31, 2008 5:29 PM CDT

Happy Spring! I am looking forward to warmer days and blooming flowers and trees.

James and Deb had a beautiful wedding on Saturday in New York City. Thanks to our friends, Rusty and STephanie, for watched Chad for us so we were able to go and have fun and not worry. Some of James' friends flew in from Seattle so they stayed with us for 3 nights. They have a 2 month old baby boy so that was fun. Then, Deb's mother from Vancouver, Canada wanted to meet some of the people who are important in her daughter's life so we hosted a dinner party yesterday with 18 people. We enjoyed getting to know her a little and know we will have more opportunities to see her in the future.

So we continue to keep busy, move forward, love and trust God and miss Cam.

Thursday, March 20, 2008 11:44 AM CDT

I Peter 3:4 ...because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven, and the future starts now.

What a promise for all of us who believe in our resurrected Savior. It is especially meaningful to us at Easter as we miss Cameron and have that reassurance of seeing him for all of eternity!! Thank you, Jesus, for your incredible sacrifice that makes it possible for us to be reunited with our loved ones and especially that we can spend eternity in your presence!! The end of that verse goes on to say... "the future starts now". Ed and I believe that. We are moving forward because we believe that is what God wants us to do.

It was a strange Easter for us because I got a stomach virus on Saturday night. It continued through Sunday as a migraine headache. I didn't even make it to church! But we had planned on a gathering of friends and family so we had 22 people here anyway. We had an Easter egg hunt for the kids and they had a great time so it was worth it. I was relieved when my headache subsided about 4:30! Then, last night, Ed got the virus and stayed in bed ALL day today.

Please continue to pray for Emily Lester. She is fighting but it is a tough battle!

I am thankful today for our Risen Lord!

Missing Cam, trusting God
__________________________
I want to wish you all a blessed Easter, our Pastor calls it "Resurrection Sunday". We are looking forward to having several friends here for a traditional dinner after church.

We are doing well this week. Ed is in town for a while, I think. James and Deb are busily taking care of last minute details for their wedding next Saturday, March 29. After having a tough bout with joint inflammation, especially in my knees, I got a cortizone shot and a new medication so I'm feeling much better. Thank God!

Our friends, the Lesters, continue to watch Emily struggle with many issues including kidney failure so she is on dialysis and she is on a respirator because of fluid retention in her lungs. She is still in ICU and fighting for her life. Please keep praying for her.

I encourage you to hug your kids and other loved ones today and to set time apart to meditate on what Good Friday and Easter are really about. If you haven't seen it, The Passion of the Christ is a powerful movie about these critical days in our history and faith.

God Bless you.....trusting Him and
missing Cam

Monday, March 10, 2008 5:15 PM CDT

It was good to have Ed home for 8 days and now he is gone again. This time he is in Pittsburg and then Charlotte. He'll be home on friday night.

I don't know why but I have been missing Cameron with much more intensity than usual in the past couple of days. I just miss him so much that there is a physical tightness I feel in my heart. I want to know what he is doing now and what he would be doing if he was here with us. I want to hear his voice and feel him touch. I miss him for Derek and Chad. They had wonderful relationships/friendships. I yearn to know how those relationships would have continued to develop as they got older as well as his other friendships. I wish Derek's girlfriend, Nikki and James' fiance, Deb could have gotten to know him. I know he would have loved both of them.

I am also hurting for all the suffering and pain Emily is going through at this time. I can't believe she is back into the thick of fighting for her life. God help her!!and her family.

Thankfully, Spring is just around the corner. It will be wonderful to spend some time outside again.

Thanks for continuing to check on us.
Especially missing Cam, continuing to trust God who knows what I/we need and is my/our Comforter.

Saturday, February 23, 2008 12:50 AM CST

Ed got home safely last night. I drove into New York, to JFK Airport and picked him up. He's doing well but it will take some time to readjust to this time zone, 13 hours behind.

My first week back to work went well. It is a very busy caseload. I saw 22 children on Friday! That is a lot. The usual would be 9-12 per day. It makes time go quickly.

Please consider donating blood again. I understand there is a real need here in CT again and I'm sure in other places as well. Just think of Cam when you stretch your arm out for the prick. Maybe it won't even hurt.

So relieved that Ed is home.
Missing Cam...
Continuing to trust God....He knows what we all need so I can't think of anywhere I would rather be than in His hands.

_______________________
We have one week to go till Ed is home. It has been a week of many challenges. It started off with Tuesday morning. I had Chad all ready and waiting for his ride to the Lighthouse. It didn't come so I finally called. Although the Lighthouse was open, he wasn't supposed to come because he is technically still a student of Waterford High School and they were closed for winter break. So suddenly I had to adjust my thinking to having Chad home all week.

Then I went up in the attic above our garage to get a couple of things. I carefully walked down the stairs until the very last step. I tripped on something and fell. It took my breath away and I have a massive bruise on my left hip with lots of pretty colors. Other than that, I'm fine, Thank God.

Then, the next day, Chad went up to our other attic above the house. He NEVER goes up there so I don't know WHY he went up there this time but he did. I suddenly heard a loud THUMP, thump, thump... He had falled down those steep, uncarpeted stairs on his bottom. He had the wind knocked out of him and he was terrified....crying and crying. He refused to stand up at first so I was afraid something was broken but eventually, he started to move around. He got scraped up and bruised on his lower back.

Then, yesterday, we had a few inches of snow. Ed had made arrangements with a plow guy to come but he never came. It was ok yesterday but today, I started feeling kind of penned in and needed to get out for a few things so a friend from church is coming over to help us out. THANKS CARBET.

I could add a few more unattractive challenges but I think you have read enough.

All these inconveniences pale in comparison to what Emily and her family are dealing with. She is having some complications and needs extra prayers today. Another little girl is nearing the end of her battle, Autumn Simon. Please pray for her and her family.
www.caringbridge.org/fl/emilylester
www.caringbridge.org/visit/autumnsimon

Trusting God, Missing Cam (He would have had this driveway cleaned by now!)

Monday, February 18, 2008 10:46 AM CST

We have almost 2 more weeks to go before Ed comes home. He comes home on March 1. He is coordinator of a workshop with local workers in Sanmen, China. It is a little town out in the boonies, about 5 hours drive from Shanghai. They have built a beautiful 4 star hotel there for the international workers that will be coming there to build the nuclear plant. He said there was a lot of tension at first because of the cultural differences and some mistrust that comes with that but it got smoother after the first morning.

Our spiritual son, James, has been preaching in Canada for the lasts couple of weeks, is home for only two days before going to preach at a conference in Los Angeles and then to Holland. He and his three kids are staying here with Chad and me for a couple of days so it isn't boring. They are old enough, (6, 9, & 11) to play some games with, etc.

Happy birthday to another one of our "grandchildren", Hannah, who turns 1 year old tomorrow. She is such a cutie!

Ed was elected to serve as a deacon in our church. He previously served for six years before his term expired and then we moved to Santa Fe. He is so busy already, I don't know how he will find time to do this, too but he always figures out how to "do it all".

I had a hard time yesterday missing Cam. It hit me hard for some reason. I just want him here with us!!!! I am so looking forward to seeing him again in GLORY when that time comes. For now, I will serve God here and find joy in God's earthly blessings.

Trusting God, Missing Cam

Thursday, February 7, 2008 7:22 AM CST

Thankfully, we are both feeling better today. When I was throwing up and my throat was burning, my stomach muscles hurt from contracting so hard, tears were streaming down my cheeks, I couldn't help but think about what Emily is going through and what Cameron(and of course the other cancer patients) who endure so much nausea for not a day but often for weeks and months at a time! It makes me pray a little harder for all of them experiencing that today to have some RELIEF!!!

Chad is drinking a lot so he was likely a little dehydrated. I kept him home from school to rest up. He was supposed to go to his Respite program tomorrow to give me a little break. That won't be happening now since they require him to be symptom free for 48 hours before coming. I could really use the break so they offered for me to bring him in on Sunday for a few hours so that's the plan for now.

Thanks, once again to our wonderful neighbors, Marcie and her son, Garrett for coming and bringing my garbage can down our long driveway. It was drizzling and everything. Aren't they the best! It was so nice to have a few minutes to visit with Marcie.

Thanks for your prayers.
Missing Cameron, trusting God
_______________
My intention is not to gross anybody
out with this entry, just hoping someone might see this and pray for us today. I started with a stomach virus last night, throwing up and. well you know what else. It was miserable, shaking, etc. It is still hanging on a little this morning. If that wasn't bad enough, Chad woke up and started with the same thing. One thing you don't want to do when you are sick to your stomach is clean up someone else's diarrhea or throw-up! But, you do what you have to do and go on.

This is when I really miss having Ed around. He is doing well in Shanghai. The Chinese New Year is continuing with lots of LOUD fireworks. He let me hear it via cell phone.

Our friend from St. Jude, Emily, is going to need another bone marrow transplant. Please consider getting tested for the bone marrow registry if you haven't done so already. You might be the one in a million that can help save someone like Emily's life.

God Bless you all,
Missing Cam, Trusting God

Saturday, February 2, 2008 9:31 PM CST

A dear friend of ours needs lots of prayer tonight. Emily Lester, her mom and the rest of her family became good friends of ours whle we were in Memphis at St. Jude. Emily had a bone marrow transplant and was doing VERY well, looking forward to college next year and enjoying life until last weekend, they all learned that she has relapsed. The leukemia is back!!! They are back at St. Jude starting this fight all over again. It is such a horrible thing....we, unfortunately, know all too well how they are feeling. Please pray for this beautiful family. You can learn more about her at www.caringbridge.org/visit/emilylester

Ed is doing fine in Shanghai. He is observing up close how the snow in China is bring such chaos. It hasn't affected him. Next week is Chinese New Year so there is lots of partying going on...fireworks going off every night.

I had a really rough day yesterday physically. My arthritis was so flared up I was in a lot of pain! I was a little better today and am praying that it will be even better tomorrow. It is quite a challenge to handle Chad when I am not feeling strong so please pray for me, too.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness." Thank you Lord for your continuing presence in our lives.

Have a good Superbowl Sunday. GO PATRIOTS!

Missing Cameron and Trusting God, (even in the hard times).

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 6:47 AM CST

Just a quick update to let you know that Ed safely arrived in Shanghai and has spent a week there already. He said it has been snowing there which is VERY unusual for that city. He is missing his coffee. Many of you know that he is a MAJOR coffee drinker and they don't have it there like he is used to it. He is having to settle for instant Nescafe! Yuk! when you have been used to Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks almost every day! I just might have to send him a coffee maker and some REAL coffee.

Cameron's oncologist from Yale/New Haven Hospital, Dr. Joe, was recently on the news asking for people to donate blood. There is a great shortage in Connecticut and some of his patients have had to postpone getting much needed blood products because of it. PLEASE, if you are able to donate blood, do so today or ASAP. Our kids' lives depend on it. THANKS SOOOOOO MUCH!!!

I am off to get Dimitri groomed....life goes on.

Missing Cam, trusting God.

Friday, January 18, 2008 7:55 AM CST

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Derek! He is 23 today. I enjoyed spending time with him this week in his environment. I got to see Nikki and met her family, too.

I got home last night from Springfield, MO. It was a wonderful visit. I got to see all the familoy there and my brother, David, and his family even drove over from Tulsa to visit. Thanks, David and Terri. I got to see my great-niece for the first time, too. Rachel and Justin, you have a real precious treasure there. Kenton, Teresa, Kyle, Ashley, Sierra, Aaron, Sam and Patti, Nick and Jerilyn, and Nathan, it was GREAT to see you all.

I stayed with Mom and Dad at their new home in a retirement village, Maranatha, so I got to see how they have settled in there. They are still battling with their various physical struggles but for the most part, they are doing well.

I was so glad that I got a chance to have coffee with my dear college friend, Candra. I sure wish we could visit more often.

All of these people are too far away but are so important to us. They ALL supported us through Cam's illness and continue to support us as we recover. They all are recovering in their own ways because they loved Cam, too and feel his loss greatly.

Ed leaves tomorrow for Shanghai so I am bracing myself for being a "single wife/mother" for the next 5 weeks. God will give the strength as I need it. Pray for Ed as he goes, too.

Continuing to rely on God, trusting Him completely as we miss Cameron as much today as the day he left us.

Friday, January 11, 2008 10:49 AM CST

2008! Well it is going fast so far. We got a new car. I have been driving our durable minivan for 9 years but it has LOTS of miles on it and is in need of a costly repair to fix the heater so I got a new WARM Equinox. Ed's Jeep is still being fixed after his accident back in December so he is now diving the COLD minivan. Fortunately, it has been fairly warm here this week.

I am flying to Springfield, MO tomorrow to visit Derek, my parents and family. I haven't seen them since Cam went to be with Jesus so I am really looking forward to it. When I get back, Ed will be leaving for Shanghai. He will be there for about 4 weeks. I'll be starting work in Norwich Schools some time in February. In the mean time, I have a couple of private clients I see.

Two more families have had to say good-bye to their young sons in the past week, Christian and Kai. www.caringbridge.org/visit/christianbarker and www.caringbridge.org/visit/kaihaug. When I read the Caringbridge pages about their struggles and the pain of letting go of their sons I am brought right back to those days with Cameron. I am so thankful he is no longer suffering but God knows how much we miss him.

Thanks for checking in on us
Continuing to trust God and miss Cam...........

Monday, December 24, 2007 4:01 PM CST

Merry Christmas!!! Our plans were to go to Ed's parents' house in Schroon Lake NY today. Derek and his friend, Nicki, were going to arrive last night flying into Providence.

Well, Derek and Nicki got stranded at O'Hare Airport along with thousands of other travelers. They didn't get a flight out until 7:00 this morning and they had to come into Laguardia in New York. By the time Ed picked them up and they got home....very tired, it was too late to drive up to Schroon Lake. We will miss Far Mor and Far Far Arnold's family, and Stan's family but we will enjoy a family Christmas here.

I had my last day at Cohanzie School and will miss everyone there. It is confirmed that I have the new job lined up for February. It will be good to have January off.

Merry Christmas to all!! Enjoy every moment you have with your family today and every day in 2008!! We wish we could have a few more moments to enjoy with Cameron, get one more "I love you" and one more big hug and kiss. We WILL treasure our time with Derek and Chad.

God Bless!!!

Thursday, December 6, 2007 6:07 PM CST

Thanks to so many of you who remembered my birthday today. I was surprised by many who called, send an email or card. I am blessed to have such great people in my life.

We are starting to get into the Christmas Spirit around here. We will get our tree up this weekend and lights will be hung. I am slowly doing shopping a little at a time.

My job is coming to an end in two more weeks. I have loved working at Cohanzie Elementary school with so many old friends and acquaintances and made many new ones, too.
Since I was filling in for a maternity leave, I knew it would end but I got very attached to the kids anyway and I will hate to leave them.

It looks like I have a good chance at filling in for another maternity leave from February to June in a nearby town. This one fell in my lap, too. God keeps providing for us as we keep living for Him and giving Him all the glory and honor. He is so good.

We love you all and I will write again before Christmas.

Wishing Cam was here to help us decorate the tree.....

Monday, November 19, 2007 1:33 PM CST

I hope you are looking forward to spending some quality time with friends and family this week for Thanksgiving. We were hoping to have Derek home but it will work out better for him to come for Christmas...difficult for him to come for both. We will miss him and OF COURSE, Cameron!!!! We will be cooking for our local "family, Georgianna, James, Deb, Janet, Sal and others who need a place to call home on that day.

Our dear friend, Ray, (Georgianna's husband) left for Iraq today. He will be serving our country for 6-7 months over there. Although he is in the Navy, he is going in the Individual Augumentation program on loan to the Army. Please pray for him to come home safely and to be a blessing to those around him while he is there. We will do our best to keep Georgianna busy here while she waits for him to come home.

Ed has worked for over 8 weeks in Pittsburg but should be coming home tonight. He has been working unbelieveable hours and is really tired. I hope he can get some much needed rest in the next week and spend some time with us.

Tomorrow is Ed's and my 25th Wedding Anniversary!!! We had planned to have the weekend together to celebrate but he couldn't get away from Pittsburg so we had to cancel those plans. So, I don't know what we will do to mark this big day for us. It isn't easy to find people who are comfortable watching Chad for any length of time.

We will definitely find many things to be thankful to God for this week even as we miss those we won't have with us.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Continuing, as much as ever, to miss Cam and trust God...

Monday, November 19, 2007 1:33 PM CST

Thursday, November 1, 2007 1:46 PM CDT

It is another one of those anniversaries that we don't enjoy but November 1st, 2000 made a tremendous impact on our lives. It was 7 years ago today that we heard the words that changed our lives forever. Dr. Santoro said, "I have reason to believe that Cameron has leukemia." It was confirmed two days later and we entered into a world that was foreign to us....childhood cancer.

We are doing fine. Not much has changed in the past few weeks. Ed and I are very busy at work and Chad enjoys his school. Unfortunately, one of his friends, Ryan, from the Lighthouse passed away on Tuesday. He was medically fragile and outlived most people's expectations. He will be greatly missed by so many people who were fortunate enough to know him.

Missing Cam.....trusting God....

Monday, October 29, 2007 3:22 PM CDT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our handsome 16 year old!!! We sure wish we could celebrate this big day with you, Cameron!!! I cherish the day you were born. You were such a treasure from heaven to us and now you are a treasure IN heaven. I have wept many more tears as I have missed you today. Georgianna brought you/us some Happy Birthday balloons and a "little Blaze" and we put some at your resting place, too.

It is also one year ago today that we arrived back in Waterford. The moving van arrived the next day to get us moved in. It has been quite a year. God has blessed us in so many ways and kept us close to Him through the rough times.

Thank you for continuing to check in on us. You are wonderful friends and family.

trusting God....missing Cam

Sunday, October 21, 2007 6:19 PM CDT

I wish you could all share in the beauty of our New England autumn colors. The foliage is at its peak here in Connecticut and is breathtakingly beautiful. Thank you, God, for this gift you have given us to enjoy.

Ed is still in Pittsburg. He didn't even make it home this weekend. Chad and I are doing better this week. By the time I went to the doctor on Wednesday, my knee pain had improved so he just suggested I go to Physical Therapy a few more times and see what happens. If it gets really bad again like it did two weeks ago, he will give me a cortisone injection. So...I just continue to deal with this day by day and hope and pray for the best.

As time goes on since Cameron passed away, I find that my memories of him are more and more of him as the healthy, energetic, fun kid rather than the sick, struggling kid. I am thankful for every memory I have of him...ALL of them.

...missing Cam, continuing to trust God because He reigns in our lives, King of Kings and Lord of Lords

Monday, October 15, 2007 8:04 PM CDT

I don't really have much to report. We are doing fine. Ed has been working in Pittsburgh for 3 weeks. He comes home on Friday night and leaves again on Sunday afternoon. Chad and I miss him when he is gone all week.

I have been having a great deal of trouble with my knees again, especially the right one. It has locked a couple of times making it very difficult to walk and to take care of Chad and the dogs. I have gone to physical therapy twice which has helped some. I will see the orthopedic doctor on Wednesday. I wonder what he will have to say. It is just an ongoing thing with me.

We continue to miss Cameron all the time and continue to keep trusting God.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007 7:35 PM CDT

What an AWESOME night we had tonight. I got a team together for Light the Night Walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Our team raised a lot of money but more importantly, there were 41 of our dear friends who came out to support us and walked in memory and honor of Cameron. We had a fun evening and the L & L Society did such a marvelous job of organizing the event.

Cameron would have been so pleased with the whole thing. I REALLY WISH HE COULD HAVE BEEN HERE WITH US!!!!!

AND it is Chad's 21st BIRTHDAY! So we celebrated his big day at the walk with a cake and a HAPPY BIRTHDAY song. The whole bunch of people from all the teams who were there sang with us! He was so proud.

I started physical therapy today to treat my knees. I don't know if it will help much but I'll give it a try because I have been having a terrible time with pain, again, for the past couple of weeks.

Work is going well for both Ed and me. Ed spent a couple of days in Pittsburgh this week and will be going there again next week. At least that is better than Beijing.

THANKS SO MUCH to all of you who donated toward our walk. It means so much to us. We would love nothing more than to find that cure so no one else has to lose a loved one to leukemia or lymphoma.

Sunday, September 23, 2007 5:54 PM CDT

We just had a wonderful weekend. Ed's company in Boston had reserved some rooms at the beautiful Boston Harbor Hotel for some businessmen coming from China. Their trip was delayed a couple of days and the rooms were already booked so the rooms were offered to their employees. We got the royal treatment in a gorgeous hotel on Boston Harbor. We relaxed in the pool and whirlpool, got room service and were just blessed. We were offered an extra room so we took our friend, Georgianna with us. Chad loved the whole thing. We were blessed.

I wanted to remind everybody that tomorrow, Sept. 24, is St. Jude's Day at Chili's restaurant. All the profits will go directly to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. It is an incredible place focused only on treating children who have cancer and finding a cure for children's cancers. They have recently had a monumental breakthrough in what looks like a lead to unlocking the mystery of many cancers. I would love for you to read more about it. It is on the St. Jude webpage and the article is titled something having to do with Discovering Gold in the Gold Rush. The story relates this discovery and the tremendous impact it will likely have on finding the cure for cancer, to the discovery of gold in the 1800's and the impact that had on the development of the west. It is exciting! I have been praying intensely for a breakthrough ever since Cam got sick and even more since he passed away. I will continue to pray until the cures are found. No child should have to face that beast in their lives....ever. Thank God for helping these scientists find this important link.

We are planning for our Light the Night Walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We have gotten several generous donations. THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007 5:01 PM CDT

Another week has passed and another big day of memories. It was on the 9th that we buried Cameron. I have heard it is supposed to get easier after the one year mark but I wouldn't describe how I feel as easier...not yet anyway. Oh, we go on with our lives and haven't stopped moving forward but we miss him as much today as ever. I would just love to have one more of his hugs or to hear him say one more time, "Mom, I love you soooooo much."

We have wonderful news! My niece, Rachel, and her husband Justin welcomed their new daughter yesterday, Sept. 10. Her name is Joslyn. She is the first greatgrandchild for our family. What a blessing. I've seen pictures already but would love to see her in person, hold her and smell her! There is nothing like a newborn baby!

Work is going well for me. I am enjoying working with some great kids and am glad I have this opportunity right now.

Ed and I heard a song a few weeks ago and a friend also recommended it. It tells our story... The song is by Mercy Me and is called "Bring the Rain". If you would like to hear it, go to www.myspace.com/mercyme

These are the words

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storms
But instead I draw closer through these times.

So I Pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that bring You glory

And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus bring the Rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Sunday, September 2, 2007 7:43 PM CDT

We made it through this difficult day with the help of the Lord giving us strength and with friends being around us. We worshipped in church this morning and got to hear Derek play his bass guitar for the last time for a while because he is returning to Springfield this week. He is very talented if I may say so myself. I'm proud that he likes to use his talent to worship the Lord.

Ed, Derek, Chad, and I were joined by Georgianna, Rusty and Stephanie and their kids as we went to pay respects at Cameron's grave site. We reflected on his life, prayed together for strength and released some balloons.

Thank you for so many hugs, kind words of encouragement and memories you have shared of Cameron. Thank you, Stacey, for the beautiful bouquet of flowers! What a wonderful surprise to find on our doorstep when we came home!! You are an incredible encourager and friend.

By the way, if any of you read the guestbook entries, I'm happy to report that Ed and I are NOT getting a divorce. That friend must have confused us with someone else. Thankfully, our marriage has remained strong throughout our trials.

Thanks for checking in....keep your prayers and memories coming.

Thursday, August 30, 2007 6:07 PM CDT

What a week. Draining would be a good word for it. Chad started back to school on Monday and I started back to work yesterday. It has been about 2 years since I worked so it is kind of tiring. I'm sure I mentioned this before, but I am working as a Speech Pathologist at Cohanzie Elementary School. That is the school where Derek and Cameron went. Many of Cam's teachers are still there and have been wonderful in welcoming me. I will be working there for a few months filling in for the regular Speech Path who is out on maternity leave. We'll see what opens up after that.

Sunday is the day...one year since he passed away. We are planning on planting a nice tree at our church in his memory but neither the tree nor the commemorative plaque will be here on time so we will be postponing the little ceremony until they arrive.

The important thing I want to say to everyone who knew Cameron is please take a couple of minutes to remember him; think of something he did or said to you that stands out in your memory. I hope it will bring a smile to your face along with a tear that might come. I would LOVE it if you would take a minute to write your memory to us, either by the guestbook or our e-mail. Those memories are becoming more and more important to me now. I REALLY DON'T WANT people to forget our wonderful son as time goes on.

As I have reflected on the events of last year, I have to say a special thank you to the friend we met in Memphis who so generously paid for Cam and me to fly to Denver. We will NEVER forget that wonderful thing you did for us at a time when we needed it so very much! Thanks, Dennese! You are an angel. I wanted to write to you personally but I lost your email address.

I'm rambling because I'm tired. I'll close now. I'm thankful today for this job opportunity and the nice people I work with at Cohanzie.

Monday, August 20, 2007 9:57 AM CDT

Ed is flying home as I write. He will be home around 5:00pm and exhausted, I'm sure, since it is a 12 hour flight and a 12 hour time difference.

Derek has decided to stay around here until after Sept 2 to commemorate that day with us. It is important for all of us to be together on that day. He won't be going to school this semester but will take a break to work full-time and make some money. He's going back to Springfield, MO to do that, to play in his band, Ties that Bind, and to be able to see his girlfriend. We have him for another 2 weeks so we will enjoy that. He is a delight to have around here.

Ed and I just filed our '06 taxes. We had filed for an extension because we had so much data to gather. Our taxes were complicated by so many medical expenses and with the move toward the end of the year. In the end, we totalled over 15,000 miles we drove JUST for medical reasons. We spent, well let's say many families' annual income, in medical expenses, travel, accommodations, deductibles, co-pays and funeral expenses. I also wasn't working so it should not surprise us that we have been financially tight! AND that was just for '06. We had similar expenses in '04 and '05. But we would do it all over again to seek any help we could get for Cameron. We know we did everything we could do and have peace about that.

In gathering the data for the taxes, we have had to sort of re-live the past year. It has been difficult remembering the intensity of our lives and the suffering Cameron endured. As we look back on it, our perspective is different than when we were in the middle of it. Then, we just took a moment at a time, did "the next thing" we had to do for Cam. We had to pace ourselves to not get too up or down when we got "good" news or bad news. We, none of us, ever gave up hope in spite of the dire circumstances. Now, I wonder how we had the faith when he was failing so fast right in front of our eyes. It was only God's grace and a lot of people's unending prayers for us.

During that year, I purposefully ended most journal entries with something that I was thankful for. It was hard to find something to write at times but it was something that I had to do to keep positive.

Today I am thankful for many things. Cameron isn't suffering any more, Derek and Chad are still here and are such a blessing in our lives, Ed has a wonderful job that he enjoys and has been given a lot of favor. I am feeling better and look forward to many more days to enjoy my family, friends, home and to live each day to the glory of God. I pray you can find some things in your lives to be thankful for today.

Sunday, August 12, 2007 7:41 PM CDT

Many of you have asked how Ed is doing in China. He is fine and he is getting a lot of work done. He is hopefully on schedule to get back next Saturday as scheduled. That can change so I'm prepared for that.

Derek and the band from church, Mercy Road, got back from the Black Hill Motorcycle Rally. They played in several busy venues and ministered to hundreds is not thousands of bikers. They are tired but feel it, once again, was worth the trip.

Another little guy from St.Jude has passed away, Dylan Bellow. Childhood cancer has devastated so many families.

We are going to try to raise a little money toward finding the cure and better treatments for leukemia and lymphoma by walking in our local "Light the Night Walk". We will be walking in Cameron's memory as part of Cameron's Team. It takes place at Harkness State Park, Waterford, CT on October 3 (which is also Chad's 21st birthday). If you live around here and would like to participate with our team, let me know! We would love to have a big team to honor Cameron. A few years ago, we walked in this event and Cameron was the CHAIRMAN of our team! He loved it. If you don't live around here, or can't walk, of course you can still make a donation toward our effort. Just let me know.

Missing Cam and Trusting God.....

Saturday, August 4, 2007 3:30 PM CDT

Chad and I just got home from dropping Ed off at JFK Airport in NYC. The plan when we left this morning is that I would drop him off in New Haven to catch a shuttle to JFK. Ed thought we might be running late so asked if I would be ok dropping him off at JFK. Well, I am really not comfortable driving in NYC but I said I would try it. I did fine except the drive home was SLOW! The traffic was terrible. It took us 7 hours round trip! It took around 2 1/4 hours to get there. Ed will be in Beijing for two weeks returning on the 18th unless he is delayed like last time he went.

Derek and the band arrived in Sturgis, SD this morning after driving over 30 hours. I pray they have effective ministry out there.

I have been feeling pretty sad for the last couple of days. I think of Cameron all the time. We just passed the 11 month mark and will soon be face to face with one year. I miss his giggle, his creative ideas, his silliness, his enthusiasm for almost everything. I miss how he interacted with Derek, Chad, Blaze and his friends. I especially miss his hugs and the way he said, "Mom, I love you sooooo much" His bike and drum set sit idle. I hear that time will help ease the pain but there will always be a huge hole shaped just like him in my heart.

A little girl I only know through a Caringbridge site, Alexia, has just relapsed after her second transplant. There is no more treatment available for her. She is very young, only 3. Please pray for her and her family at this very difficult time.

Thanks for checking in on us and keeping us in your prayer.

Trusting God and missing Cam....

Friday, July 27, 2007 6:54 AM CDT

Good morning. I hope you are all enjoying your summer. Today is Chad's last day of summer school so....well, let me just say, having Chad at home 24/7 ties my hands considerably in what I can do and where I can go. But we will make the best of the next month.

Derek will be going with the worship band from our church to Sturgis, SD for the HUGE motorcycle rally. They set up in various places and play their music and minister to the bikers. They have been doing this for several years, now. He'll be gone from Aug 3 - 13.

Ed has to go back to China, too. He'll be gone from around Aug 4 - 14. I sure wish Cam was around....

Yesterday was one of those moments that took me by surprise. I had to go to our local hospital to get a blood test. I had prepared myself for going to the hospital but what surprised me was driving up the parking ramp! I guess it was the first time I had been in a parking garage like that since Cam died. It took me immediately back to UNM Hospital in Albuquerque, and Children's Hospital in Denver and St. Jude in Memphis. Cam was almost always with me at those times!! I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. That feeling stuck with me for the rest of the day. I kept thinking about wonderful memories of Cam and then got sad thinking that there will never been any NEW memories. That thought is so NOT profound but it impacted me.

When I was at the hospital, I also saw a Blood Drive sign. Although I cannot give the "gift of life" because of my anemia, I can encourage many of you to go and give. Cameron had to have hundreds of transfusions of red cells and platelets during his illness. He is just one of so many people who need these transfusions to live. If you can give, please do. Also, please consider being tested for the Bone Marrow Donor Registry. You can make a HUGE difference in someone's life by doing these things.

Thanks for checking in.

Trusting God, missing Cam

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 12:40 AM CDT

We had a wonderful weekend in New York with James a part of his team ministering at a church in the Wall St. area, Faith Evangelistic Ministries. It is primarily a Jamaican church that is full of nice people who love the Lord and serve Him with joy. James also ministered on the radio and taped a television show that airs in Trinidad, Barbados, Jamaica and Guyana.

Derek offered to stay home with Chad so Ed and I had a little more freedom to pray with people in the services as well as having a much appreciated break. They did great at home, went to the beach and hung out.

New York is such a unique city...crazy, full of energy, wild drivers, especially the cabbies, good food, expensive parking, etc. Ed drives without hesitation, with great confidence all over the place. He was raised on Long Island and worked for a few years in the city so he knows what he is doing! I'm glad it is him and not me. :)

Just thought I would tell you about our weekend. I'll write more later about how we are doing.

Trusting God, Missing Cam..........so much

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 3:16 PM CDT

Good Summer Afternoon,

I wrote a long, heartfelt journal yesterday expressing how I am feeling in the whole grieving process. Then I lost it somehow. I was surprised when I opened the web page today and expected to see the new update and saw the one from over a week ago. I will re-write it again in a day or so.

For now, I will just say that we have had Derek's girlfriend, Nikki from Springfield, MO here visiting and James' girlfriend, Deb from Vancouver. They both stayed here. Nikki had to leave this morning. It has been fun having some girls around when we usually have mostly guys. I know Cameron would have loved to meet them and vise versa.

We are doing pretty well. Ed is working a lot of hours and I am unusually tired again....some days better than others. I will be going for another iron test in a couple of weeks. Chad loves having a lot of friends here but he gets overly stimulated or something and has a hard time settling down to go to sleep at night. Maybe that's why I'm tired, too!??

We are going to try to get a headstone for Cameron's grave site soon, hopefully before the one year mark since his death. We haven't gotten it yet because we are still paying on his funeral, burial expenses and medical expenses. Can you believe it? Because we had three funeral homes involved in 3 cities and 2 airplane transfers, it got very expensive.

Anyway....still missing Cameron terribly and still trusting God

Friday, July 6, 2007 1:55 PM CDT

Good afternoon,
I hope you all had a good 4th of July. We had a big party....61 people were here. It was a wonderful time in spite of some rain. It will be tough to say good-bye to Ray on Sunday as he leaves for duty for our country.

I talked to my friend, Kathy Kirkpatrick. She has AML and is undergoing chemo with plans to go for a transplant. Please pray for her as I know all too well how difficult this is. All of those emotions re-emerge when I think about those initial days after diagnosis and then when we were headed for the first transplant. She will need God's grace, peace and healing.

I love to hear from you...

Missing Cam, Trusting God

Saturday, June 30, 2007 2:57 PM CDT

THANKS so much to you who keep writing in the guestbook. It means a lot to us to know you are still thinking of us and remembering Cam. The past 10 months seems like 10 days to me. It is all so fresh.

Have a safe, happy July 4th.
Proud to be an American!
____________________________

We had a wonderful, restful weekend in Schroon Lake with Far Mor and Far Far (Norwegian for Father's mother and Father's Father).

I have been teary and my heart is aching today. It is getting close, only 2 more days, until the 10 month mark since Cameron passed away and it doesn't seem to get any easier. He is missed as much today as ever. Today, Ed and Derek are doing a lot of yard work. It is looking beautiful, but I can't help but think of how Cameron would have been enthusiastically working with them out there. I'm sure they are missing him, too.

Our good friend, Ray, is in the Navy. He will be leaving next Sunday for extra training and then deployment to Iraq. We are going to have a "going away" party for him here on July 4th so we are getting ready for that.

Our "son" James, has been in British Columbia, Canada and in Washington State for the past 2 weeks preaching and visiting his girlfriend, Deb and his minister/friend, Todd Bentley. He comes home tonight and leaves again tomorrow to preach at a camp in St. John, Maritimes, Canada. We are proud of how God is using him to do His work. We miss him when he is gone for so long. Ed is being the airport chauffeur which gives them time to get caught up things.

There is always a lot going on around here. It helps to keep me from getting too melancholy for too long.

Tomorrow is Armed Services Appreciation Day at our church. I want to say a BIG Thanks all the men and women who give so much for our country.

Still trusting God unconditionally....still missing Cam...

Thursday, June 21, 2007 6:41 PM CDT

It is wonderful to have Derek home for the summer. He got home last night. Chad and the dogs were so happy to see him, not to mention mom and dad.

We are going to go to see Ed's parents in Schroon Lake, NY tomorrow until Sunday. Chad's last day of school was today but he will be going to summer school starting on Monday. It is good for him to keep busy rather than sitting around at home all day every day. It is good for me, too ;)

Not much more to talk about. We keep busy with the house, yard, work (for Ed) and friends. Life is good. Did I ever mention that that was one of Cam's favorite phrases; Life Is Good! It was on his cell phone "banner" and he put it on my phone, too. He enjoyed life and I'm sure he is enjoying the life after this earthly life so much more! It will be a wonderful day when we are reunited in heaven when our time comes.

Our friend of many years, Kathy Kirkpatrick, is a missionary in Germany. She was just diagnosed with leukemia and has returned to her family home, Oregon, to get treatment. Please pray for her. I will be calling her soon to find out how she is doing.

Continuing to trust God and miss Cam....

Friday, June 15, 2007 10:18 AM CDT

Just checking in to let you know we are still here and doing ok. We are looking forward to having Derek come home next week. He has a long drive so he needs traveling mercies. Cameron continues to be the topic of conversation around here a lot. We are constantly reminded of his interests, his sense of humor, his zest for life, his friends.

We share in the sorrow the Boyer family is facing this week after their 13 year old son, Spencer, stepped into eternity. He fought a hard fight with the never-ending support of his loving family and so many friends.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!! Last Father's Day, Cameron and I went to Olive Garden in Memphis. He was able to eat a bite or two of their yummy breadsticks. I took a picture of him on my phone and sent it to Dad. We still have that dear picture of him on our phones. Although he was a very sick boy, we truly believed he would have many more Father's Days to celebrate with Ed.

I get to go to a Yankee's Game tonight thanks to Ed's brother, Stan. His boys are Mets fans and Stan and I are Yankees fans so this game between the two teams will be fun. I am taking James with me since Derek isn't home yet and Ed has to stay home with Chad. It will be a fun time but yet another reminder that Cam isn't here. He was a big Yankees fan and he very much enjoyed the one game he got to go to in Yankee Stadium.

We are still missing Cam so much and still trusting God with all our hearts.

Monday, June 4, 2007 1:11 PM CDT

Please say an extra prayer for Spencer Boyer. He had his transplant last week although he was still not in full remission. He is having some organ failure, some incoherence and blood pressure problems. These are difficult, dark days for him and his family. www.caringbridge.org/visit/spencerboyer
______________________________

Saturday was nine months since Cam went to be with Jesus. On the 2nd of every month, my mind sort of replays that day. It hurts just as much every time. I miss you so much, my son.

We went to New Jersey to our nephew, Matthew's graduation party. He graduated from Rensallear as a microbiologist. (oops, I'm sure I spelled that wrong.) It was a nice celebration with many of their friends and family. Most of the people who were there, some we had never met before knew us and had followed Cameron's journey via this web page. We are continually blessed at how many people have prayed for us over these difficult months. We spent the night in NJ and went to Bethany Church on Sunday morning with Arnold, Elinor and Matt, Stan, Joanne and their boys. It was fun to spend some time with all of them and it was good for Chad and I to get out for the weekend. Ed flew home from North Carolina, switched some clothes in his suitcase and we left. He doesn't ever seem to stop!

God Bless you today

Thursday, May 31, 2007 1:06 PM CDT

It is a beautiful summer day here. I wish some of you could sit on my deck with me and talk about life. We have a fabulous view of the lake and surrounded by luscious green trees, bushes and grass. It is a relaxing place to sit and think or read. I often reminisce about Cam and think about what he is doing now. I wonder if he is sitting next to a beautiful lake, even more beautiful than we can begin to imagine. Or maybe he is sitting beside the "river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God." as described in Revelation 22:1-2.

Another child has entered into heaven. Five year old, Landon Pitre went to be with Jesus yesterday after suffering more than half his life with cancer. He is enjoying the beauty of heaven today but his parents and loved ones miss him so much today and could use your prayers.

Ed is working hard in North Carolina this week so it has been quiet here this week. He'll be back in a couple of days.

Stop and smell the roses or listen to the birds sing today. There is beauty all around us.

Monday, May 21, 2007 11:11 AM CDT

I am adding to what I wrote a few days ago because they are connected in a way. Almost right after I wrote that entry about having joy in all circumstances, I found myself getting really down. I realized the enemy was trying to test me to see if I could "live what I preach" so I stood against his attack. I continued to struggle all week and have felt some of the burden lift from me today. I am just opening up how things go for me at times. We can't give in to those times, though but continue to Praise God. The song goes, "I will praise the Lord at all times, His Praise shall continually be in my mouth." It works to raise me out of the dark places. He is faithful.

Enjoy your holiday weekend. We will especially be taking time to remember Cameron and all those who have gone before us. We will also give thanks to and honor for those who have given their lives for our country.
________________________________

I want to thank you for continuing to check on us and for praying for us. We are amazed at your faithfulness to us when we see the numbers of people who continue to log in. We feel the peace that comes from your prayers at times when we could easily get overwhelmed with grief. Those times can sneak up on us when we least expect it.

Our "son" James's girlfriend, Deb, is visiting from British Columbia, Canada and staying with us. She is a delightful girl and we are enjoying having her here. She will be here until tomorrow evening. We went with James and Deb to Manhattan on Saturday where James preached at a Full Gospel Businessmen's Breakfast. It was a wonderful service and a good day. Chad was at Respite so we sort of had the day off. It was nice. We also had a cookout/party for James' friends to meet Deb on Friday night. We had 40 people here. We were hoping for a nice night but, unfortunately it rained. We all had a good time, albeit a little crowded, in the house. God has blessed us with so many wonderful friends and a home that we can share with them.

We have been studying the book of the Bible, Philippians. It was written by the Apostle Paul from prison where he was possibly going to lose his life. But the book was full of joy and rejoicing in the Lord. He emphasized that we can and should find the Joy of the Lord in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. Deep underlying joy is different than being happy all the time. It is a contentment, a settled peace knowing that God is in control, that He is a presence in our lives. He will never leave us nor forsake us. Also, Paul allowed God to use his dire circumstances to positively influence people. That is what Ed and I desire. We want God to continue to use our lives through the difficult times we have gone through and continue to face to positively influence people for Him. We know that is what Cameron would want too, for his life to continue to influence people for God.

Be Blessed...
Trusting God, Missing Cam...

Ed and Juli

Monday, May 14, 2007 9:53 AM CDT

A late HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all of you mothers.

It was both a difficult and a wonderful day for me. Of course, I missed Cam SO VERY MUCH!!!! I feel the actual pain in my heart, that tug or ache. He and Derek always served me breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. This year neither of them were here so I didn't get that treat. Ed made sure I got other treats, though and both Derek and Omi called to tell me they love and appreciate me. Chad makes me feel loved and appreciated EVERY day!

We had our other "family" here for a cook-out after church. About 20 people. Ed and the guys took care of most of the food. It was a busy day with lots of kids and activity around here so I didn't have time to miss Cameron too much but he is always in our thoughts and often in our conversation.

It is still hard to understand why God took Cam so early when He has the power to heal completely. The questions continue but we know that we only see in part through our limited perspective. God sees the big picture through the perspective of eternity and with His omniscient power. We have to continue to trust and move forward. With His help, we can do that.

Hope you enjoy your Spring wherever you are.

Trusting God, missing Cam terribly....

Tuesday, May 8, 2007 11:18 AM CDT

We are doing pretty well. I am feeling better than I have in a long time....Thank God for that! I haven't even started the physical therapy for my knees yet.

We had a great weekend except for one HUGE bit of excitement. We had a grease fire in our kitchen. It got big FAST but was contained to the stove area. After searching frantically for a few minutes, we found the fire extinguisher (one of those things you know you have but can't quite remember where it is after moving recently) and it was EMPTY! We found another one and got the fire out. In the meantime, our friend had called 911 so we got the firetruck screaming up our long driveway. They checked everything out and were satisfied everything was ok so they didn't stay long. I wasn't too happy at how long it took for them to get here. If we hadn't gotten the fire out, they would have been too late to save the house, I think! Anyway, Ed and Ray cleaned up the mess from the fire extinguisher and we all went out to eat!

I went by Cameron's grave site again today. It is both wonderful and difficult to go there. I feel close to him but know he isn't really there. We haven't gotten a headstone yet but hope to do so soon. He is NEVER out of our thoughts or out of our hearts. James' kids, Jaclyn, 10 and Israel, 8 were both very close to Cameron. They were still very young when we moved to New Mexico but they remember him very well. The other day, Israel told me he wished Cameron was still alive because he was so nice and he really liked him. Then he asked me if I was sad when he talked about Cameron. I assured him that I LOVE to talk about Cameron. Then we talked about some of their memories of him.....it was sweet.

Thanks, again, for checking on us. We appreciate you all so much.

Trusting God and missing Cam...

Wednesday, May 2, 2007 9:22 AM CDT

Another months has passed since Cameron passed away. It is eight months now. So much has happened in our lives since then. The changes are good ones but would have been so much more interesting, fun, energetic and delightful if the healthy Cameron had been here to enjoy these changes with us. We never stop imagining our lives now as if he was here. However, I know he would want us to go on and enjoy each day even though he isn't physically here with us. I can hear him singing "This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. We will rejoice, we will rejoice and be glad in it, and be glad in it..."

Mom and Dad are doing well, Praise God. Derek is finishing up with finals and will be coming home for the summer soon. Ed had to travel to Pittsburg this week for a few days...he'll be home tonight. I'm doing pretty good. I did some yard work yesterday. It took a lot out of me but it felt good at the same time. Our yard had been neglected for some time so it will take a lot of work.

I am continuing to pray for a young man at St. Jude, Spencer Boyer who is still struggling to get into remission so he can have a bone marrow transplant. I'm praying for the family of 10 year old Damien, who went to be with Jesus last week and also Kole's family as they are trying to cope with his death.

Ed and I continue to have unswerving faith that God is in control. We trust Him to do what is best for us as we strive to live according to His plan for our lives. I pray that each of you will grow in your personal faith of our Lord Jesus and trust him with your lives, too.

Thanks for your continued support...
Trusting God, missing Cam....
Love, Juli

Monday, April 23, 2007 11:10 AM CDT

Good morning,
Ed got home last night. Yeah! It was a long trip across many time zones so he is tired and it will take some time to adjust back. He had several friends here to welcome him home. He has a lot to share with us about that country that is sooooo different from what we are used to.

It was a long, slow week with Chad home for Spring break. The weather was lousy most of the week so we stayed in and rested a lot.

I am feeling pretty good, more energy. Thank God. Mom and dad are recouperating pretty well. It will just take time for Dad and Mom's test results will be coming back soon that will make sure they got all the cancer.

Yesterday, the Youth Band sang in church; the same one Cameron could have been in if he was here. Last time they sang, it was hard for me. This time, I enjoyed their music and appreciate all the good kids there but I smiled and thought about where Cam is today and how happy he is. Oh, if he was here, he would still be adding so very much to our lives in so many ways but would HE be better off? It was a healing thing for me. God continues to meet me where I am and provides for my needs. He is so good.

Today is a beautiful day so we are....

enjoying spring, missing Cam and trusting God.

Friday, April 13, 2007 7:56 AM CDT

My mom's surgery went well today. She had it done as an outpatient so she is home tonight and feeling pretty good. My dad is slowly regaining his strength after his back surgery last Tuesday. We have lots of family around them taking good care of them. All I can do from here is offer words of encouragement and love and of course, prayer.
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Well, just as I had thought, Ed's return home has been delayed. He will be coming home NEXT Sunday. Next week is Spring Break for Chad so we were hoping to go on a short vacation with Ed down to Virginia with some friends. Now that won't be happening. Chad and I will be hanging out here all week. I'll have to think of some fun things for us to do. We have to stay flexible in our family. :)

My consult with the knee specialist went well. He has first recommended physical therapy to help strengthen the muscles around the knees. If that doesn't really help, which I am doubtful it will, then there is a relatively new therapy that is used. They inject a substance between the bones in the knees that lubricates and cushions the joints. Many people have gotten good results for 3 months to a year with this treatment. If that doesn't work, then knee replacement is a possibility. In the mean time, I am going to work on losing some weight, sigh, cuz that will help, too. I decided to join Weight Watchers, (again). I think I am ready now to do this. I know I wasn't emotionally prepared before now after the stressful couple of years we had, but I think I am ready.

Thanks, again to the Fernandos for taking my garbage can down our long driveway, again this week. It is a big help to me and my ailing knees!

Have a blessed day.

Missing Cam....trusting God, always

Wednesday, April 11, 2007 9:01 AM CDT

I am rejoicing that my dad's surgery went well yesterday. I haven't talked to him yet but my brother said the doctors reported that everything went well. Now the recovery and rehab... Then my mom's surgery on Monday.

My heart is broken this morning, too. I just read that our little friend from St. Jude, Kole Keller, went to be with Jesus on Monday night. He and his family have made quite an impact on so many lives as they have gone through their trial. Cameron was likely one of the welcoming committee at Heaven's gate since they shared similar pain and were ultimately healed the same way!!

Ed will be home on Sunday so we are looking forward to that! I have an appointment with the Orthopedic knee specialist today. We'll see what he says.

Missing Cam, trusting God.

We love you all, Juli

Saturday, April 7, 2007 9:04 AM CDT

HAPPY EASTER! We will be celebrating Jesus Resurrection by having 10 close friends for dinner after church. They are all pitching in with food so I don't have to do all the cooking. It is not at all unusual for us to have our friends for dinner but I usually have Ed here to help me. He is still in China....NO celebrating Easter there except in his heart.

Every Easter morning, Cameron and Derek were always eager to open their Easter baskets and to find eggs that were hidden around the house or yard. They made it so much fun for Chad, too. I will hide a few eggs for Chad this year but it won't be the same without his brothers' enthusiasm!

We got some bad news and good news this week. The bad news is that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. What a devastating shock. The good news is that the surgeon feels the cancer was caught early and she will only have to have a lumpectomy. No further therapy will be needed except to keep a close eye on her. She and my dad could use some prayers. Have I mentioned lately that I HATE CANCER!!!!!!!

Also, my dad is having back surgery this coming Tuesday. He has a nerve that is pinched which has caused him great pain when he walks very far for a long time. I wish I could be there for them like they were so often there for Cam and me but since Ed is thousands of miles away, I have to stay here with Chad. Hopefully I can go see them some time soon after Ed gets home. In the mean time, Derek is in their town and will have to help out in my place.

Enjoy your day with family and friends as you celebrate the RISEN LORD! How wonderful it would be to see HIM face to face on this glorious day like Cameron is.

Missing Cameron and trusting God ALOT...

Monday, April 2, 2007 5:08 PM CDT

Another month has passed. Now it is 7 months that we have been without Cam. Two seasons have passed and we are seeing the first signs of Spring. He would have been looking forward to spending more time outside, hiking, riding his bike, playing baseball, fishing, camping out. I think he just might be doing all of those things and more with a new, pain-free body. :)

Of course, this will be the first Easter since Cameron went to Heaven. He will be spending it with the Risen Lord himself! Praise be to Jesus for his sacrificial death and resurrection because it gives us a certainty that we will be seeing Cameron again. Thank God for the assurance of eternal life with Him and all those who have gone there before us. I'm thankful that we don't have to wait until we die or until He returns to earth to have a relationship with him. He is alive and active in our lives right now.
"He will never leave us or forsake us."

Kole continues to need prayer. Good news...His mom had her baby yesterday, a boy. :) His blog reports that they are both doing well.

Another friend of ours from New Mexico, Loretta, needs prayer, too. Her 19 year old daughter was killed in a car accident last week.

Ed has been gone two weeks. I hope he will be home in two more weeks as planned with no delays. We are doing ok but we are missing him.

Thanks for checking in.

Missing Cam, Trusting God...

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 11:41 AM CDT

I went to the doctor today and got some good results. My iron level is much better since I have been taking iron supplements. Unfortunately, I still don't feel much more energetic. I am pretty sure if I exercised I would feel better. It would help lift my spirits and give me more energy, but my knee pain is so intense when I walk that I can't really exercise. The doctor gave me a referral to a knee specialist so we'll see what he says. I just want to be able to be more active especially with the beautiful Spring weather coming. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.

Ed continues to be working hard in Beijing and is doing fine.

Please pray for our little, 5 year old, friend, Kole. We got to know his wonderful family while we were in Memphis. Kole had a brain tumor that was treated at St. Jude. The treatment was successful so they got to go home. Unfortunately, the tumor returned a few months ago and he is having a hard time right now. They also have a little girl and Janni is expecting their third child very soon. This family is believing for a complete healing for Kole. Please check out his webpage. www.kolejoseph.blogspot.com

Still missing Cam with all my heart and still trusting God with all my heart

Friday, March 23, 2007 11:42 AM CDT

First of all, I want to thank all of you who continue to check on us and pray for us. It makes a big difference to me!

I have been feeling better for the past few days. I am not as weary as I was and, well, the knee pain is always there but it isn't as bad as it has been. I pray that it stays that way and even goes away completely. God is able to heal ALL things.

The intense heaviness I was feeling last week from missing Cam has also eased up some. I understand this ebb and flow of the intensity of grief is pretty much to be expected. Thank God for some relief. Today, I can smile when I think of him rather than weep.

Ed is doing fine in China. He is very busy but feels like he is being productive for the contract over there. His company is in the planning stages of building several nuclear power plants in China. Ed is a project manager on that project and specializes in scheduling. It is a mammoth job!

We are missing him but Chad and I are sort of getting settled into our own routine. This weekend, we will miss him the most because even when he is home, he works long hours during the week. He is always around on weekends, though.

I have been reading a wonderful book by Bill Johnson called Dreaming with God. I just want to share with you one thing that especially challenged me and I hope it does you, too.
God is the very definition of Creativity and Wisdom. He, after all, created this beautiful earth and everything in it. He made it all work together in such amazing harmony. Well, we, as his children, have access to that creativity and wisdom. Simply put, we should ask God to give us new creative ideas and wisdom in all we do and He will give it to us. He will help us to problem solve ways to handle big problems in our lives and our world. He also wants to give us new, fresh ideas in our jobs, homes, relationships. I'm not explaining this nearly as well as Rev. Johnson did in his book, but hopefully, you are getting the idea that as heirs of the Almighty God, we should tap into His character as we do from our earthly fathers' character and talents. Don't settle for anything less.

Have a blessed day!!!

Thursday, March 15, 2007 5:46 PM CDT

Ed made it to Beijing early this morning. It was a little less than 13 hours. It's a 12 hour time difference so it is right now 8:15 am there. His first impressions of the city, the hotel and the office are all very good. We miss him already, Chad frequently goes to the window looking for him, but we are doing fine. It is snowing again. We are only getting 1-2 inches this time, I think.
_________________________________

Wow, am I missing Cameron! I have been having images of him flash through my mind, picturing him riding his bike, running into the house when he got off the bus, playing with Blaze, cooking his favorite hash browns, laughing as he watched "Whose Line",waving his blue flag during the worship service at church, and hearing him say "I love you sooooo much!" Then I picture him stooped over and struggling to walk across the room, staring at yet another medicine cup full of dreaded pills he had to take, or lying on the CT scan table with his little bald head. Just missing him like crazy and feeling that huge hole in my heart.

Ed was told his company needs him to travel to Beijing this Sunday and he will be gone for 4 weeks. We thought he was going the end of April for 2 weeks. I'm sure glad we have a lot of friends around here to hang out with and to help us out, if needed.

Derek is feeling much better. He was told to drink more water, he might have been a little dehydrated. I hope that's all it was and he won't have anymore of that pain in his lower abdomen.

Thank God for continuing to give His comfort and strength when we need it the most. I couldn't imagine going through a day or an hour without Him.

Thanks for checking in.....missing Cam, trusting God

Sunday, March 11, 2007 2:26 PM CDT

Thank you, Elaine, for posting that beautiful poem. It blessed me and I needed it.
_____________________________

Derek and Ed are on their way to the
airport for Derek to return to Springfield. We had another good week with him home. He is a blessing and fun to have around. Blaze, our Golden Retriever, LOVES to have him around because he actually plays, really plays with him. They give each other a real workout :) He helped out with Chad & helped Ed continue to organize the garage and workshop. I enjoyed a lot of quality time with him talking and getting caught up. We all went to the cemetary yesterday (Ray, Georgianna, James, Jaclyn and us) to pay respects to Cameron. It continues to be so difficult for all of us but we keep encouraging each other and God is faithful to provide for our every need. Last night Derek had a lot of pain that sounds like appendicitis to me. Please pray with me that he won't have this again or at least that he can make it through the semester without any more problems with it.

I had another test done on Thursday. This one checks the small intestine by me swallowing a tiny camera and a computer records the pictures as it progresses through the digestive tract...still looking for the source of the anemia. I am pretty convinced they won't find anything. I feel the source is the intense stress I endured over the past MANY months and my body is responding in this way. I continue to fight constant fatigue but continue to keep going as best I can.

Ed and I want to let everyone know how much we have appreciated your continued support. We are keeping the faith strong and unyielding. God is still in control and we trust Him completely. We are looking forward to seeing the plans he has for us as new opportunities unfold in our personal lives as well as in ministry.

Still....

Missing Cam, Trusting God.

Friday, March 2, 2007 5:24 PM CST

It has been a heavy day emotionally because it is 6 months
since Cameron left us and went to Heaven. Ed and I had some time to reflect together on Cam's life and who he was aside from the leukemia that so defined him in the past couple of years. He was quite a wonderful individual and not only our son but our very good friend. He and I spent so much time together that we knew each other's thoughts. We continue to struggle daily with our grief but to varying degrees day by day. Our friends are an integral part of helping us with that even if they are not aware of it. Derek and Chad are also essential parts of keeping us looking forward.
Chad is feeling much better. I think his ordeal is behind us. I am feeling pretty good but to be honest, it would still be easy for me to sleep most of the day some days. I don't give in to that temptation, though and force myself to get up and be productive.

Derek is coming home tomorrow for Spring break....can't wait to have him here for a week. Ed has had a very busy work week. He was in Pittsburg, PA Monday and Tuesday and worked long days Wed and Thurs. He was able to stay home today and did some work from here.

Thanks for checking in, again. Please keep our little friends who continue to struggle with cancer in your prayers.

Missing Cam, trusting God...

Saturday, February 24, 2007 4:12 PM CST

Chad is feeling better. He was still hurting on Sunday. Monday was better but he got to stay home one more day thanks to 4 inches of snow. He went back to school yesterday. He is still careful about what he eats so it must still hurt when he swallows.

I am getting better. I am still coughing and my voice is still raspy but I think I am on the up swing.
Thank God for helping us get through these challenges.
__________________________________

Well, we had a crazy night last
night. It started off with having a birthday party for our little 10 year old "niece", Jaclyn. We all had a good time although I had laryngitis and almost completely lost my voice. Everyone left around 11:00. Ed, Chad and I got relaxed and finally went to bed around 12:00. Around 1:00am, I heard Chad coughing. It sounded different, he was kind of struggling and there was a little bit of a gurgle sound. We turned the light on and saw some blood. We weren't sure if he had a nose bleed or what until he coughed. Blood spattered everywhere. I immediately called the doctor to tell him Chad was coughing up blood. He told us we had to meet him at the ER and he would have to be put to sleep to fix it.

The next several hours were NOT something we want to repeat! Chad gets very upset in strange, stressful environments and Ed and I are the ONLY ones he allows near him. So, Ed is trying to hold his hands down to keep him from grabbing EVERYTHING in sight. I was holding a towel over his mouth to catch the blood and to allow him to bite it. I had to use about 20 towels to catch all the blood...LOTS of blood! I was trying to calm him down but he kept crying and crying. He is so tall that his feet hang several inches off the end of the stretcher. He was so upset that he was HOT and had all of us hot, too. They wanted to put a hospital gown on him in the midst of all this and I said, "Do we really NEED that?" They said, "No. He's ok."

They were trying to start an IV. I said, let's sedate him first and that will be a lot easier. They finally got the anesthesiologist to give him a shot of ketamine. It didn't really work so he had to give him another shot. Like I said, he's a big guy! That one really relaxed him and the nurse was able to get the IV in.

He went to the OR. It didn't take long for Dr. Dellacono to come and tell us that he had fixed the blood vessel that was bleeding. He cauterized it and put a couple of stitches in it. The procedure was easy but the anesthesiologist had a challenge getting him intubated with all the blood, etc. Finally, we were able to meet him in recovery. I kept telling them that we needed to remove the IV or he would pull it out like the last time. For some reasons I fully understand, they didn't want to do that. BUT I KNEW he wouldn't settle down until it was out. So I nicely requested it again, and again, and again and again. They removed the tubes but wanted to keep the IV in the vein so we tried that but he still wanted to pull on it.

They decided they wanted to keep him overnight to watch him so we got settled in the room. It was 4:00am by now anyway. BUT he was not going to settle down and I couldn't relax because I was holding on to his hand to keep him from pulling the IV. I finally INSISTED that the IV needed to go. If they needed another one, they could put another one in. They took it out and he settled down almost immediately. If only they would have listened to me in the first place! They were all wonderful though. They really were. Chad is just WAY out of the box from what they are used to. We got released to come home around 9:30. We slept most of the day and Chad is pretty comfortable now.

Sorry for the long update. Thought you might like to know about our crazy night. Keep praying for us. We could sure use a break. All of us healthy for a change! Wouldn't that be nice :)

Thursday, February 15, 2007 10:11 AM CST

Thursday night

Chad continues his recovery. He still shows he has pain when he swallows so he still has a ways to go. He went to the doctor on Tuesday. He was pleased with how he looked. He has been our of school this week for winter break so he hasn't missed any school.

My x-ray came back normal and the test done for Celiac's disease (one possible explanation for this type of anemia)ruled it out. I'm glad for that! Now I just have a yucky, miserable cold :(

I talked to a mom this week from St. Jude who also lost her son. It was good to talk to someone who truly understands how I feel. It still hurts a lot.....

Missing Cam....trusting God
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Sat. morning

Chad's recovery is a little rough. He is being a good sport but he obviously has a lot of pain when he swallows. He is resting a lot and is very clingy, as expected. It will be good for me to get a little break with Ed home today. He seems to be breathing a lot better.
__________________________________

Chad went through the tonsil/adenoidectomy very well. He handled it like a real trooper (like his little brother handled his procedures). The nurses and doctors were wonderful with him. The only thing that made me nervous was that as he was recovering and waking up more and more, he was keenly aware of his IV and didn't want it there. In spite of my best efforts to keep his attention diverted and to keep his hand away from it, he grabbed it and pulled it right out. Blood was everywhere. The nurses were wonderful and just took it in stride.

He is doing well today, too. I am giving the pain medicine every four hours which helps and also makes him sleepy so he is resting a lot. He wants me to be close by his side all the time. The challenge will be to make sure he drinks and doesn't become dehydrated. His breathing seems to be much better already. He snored a little last night but MILD compared to how he was sounding before. The doctor said his tonsils were HUGE and his uvula was extra long and thick so he trimmed it too.

thanks for checking in, again.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007 1:57 PM CST

Hi friends and family,
I am asking for a favor from you today. Chad is going to have his tonsils and adenoids removed tomorrow. We have to check in at the hospital at 1:00. Please pray that the procedure goes well, that Chad is not too confused and agitated and that his recovery goes well. I hear that days 3-5 following the procedure are often the most painful and difficult. Also pray that we won't have any trouble getting there. We are supposed to get snow and winter mix of freezing rain, etc. all day tomorrow. Ed will be going with us so that helps me feel better about getting there. He handles driving in that stuff much better than I do.

Please continue to pray for a couple of our buddies from St. Jude, Spencer and Kole who are believing for miracles they need for these young guys.

I'm feeling somewhat better this week. Some of my friends prayed for me this weekend and I know that helped me. I choose to walk in victory over this anemia/fatigue.

Good news.....our niece Rachel and her husband Justin are expecting their first baby! This will be the first great grandchild on either side of our family. Rachel recently graduated from nursing school, too, just like her mom, Linda. A couple of years after my sister, Linda, passed away in 1989 after a bone marrow transplant, Sam married Patti. Now Rachel is the daughter of Sam and Patti. They are so excited about becoming grandparents.

Friday, February 9, 2007 1:53 PM CST

Not much to say really. We continue to keep on going day by day, moment by moment. Life is really pretty good. Thank God for his blessings and for the Comforter who is always with us.

I didn't get offered the job I applied for because they had to hire someone from the other agency they are contracted with. That's ok. The money would have been nice (very nice) but God must have something else for me.

I had another x-ray today. It was of my small intestine to see if there is bleeding or something causing the anemia. I had to drink that awful barium but the test went well. I won't have the results for a few days. I would like to find the source or at least find the best way to treat this because I am so tired all the time. I feel like I am dragging. I am taking an iron supplement. I still believe some of the fatigue is part of the grieving process. It is hard to know what is what.

Thanks for your continued prayers and kind, supportive words.

Friday, February 2, 2007 8:02 AM CST

It is 5 months now since Cameron went to be with Jesus. It seems like SO MUCH longer than that. I miss him so very much I can hardly stand it. This week has been very difficult for me. It seems like it is getting harder rather than easier with time. I have cried at the very thought of Cam or at any picture, old or recent, of him. I still keep plugging away at what needs to be done around here. One thing that is difficult is that Chad still gets very upset if he sees me sad so I have to reign it in after he gets home. I think he senses it anyway. His teacher says he has had a couple of tough days at school, a little aggressive. He might be grieving, too, and shows it that way.

We continue to have MUCH to be thankful for and do not lose sight of those blessings even in the midst of grief. God continues to bless Ed at work, we are getting some victory in the area of our finances, we have wonderful friends and family, our home is warm and becoming more "homey" all the time, we are blessed.

We had a couple of inches of snow so if the roads are clear, I'll be driving up to Farmington to see the rheumatologist today. I'll see what he thinks. I am doing much better but continue to have some significant pain in my shoulders and knees, mostly. I would love to be painfree! :)

Pray for another young man who is suffering at St. Jude. His name is Spencer Boyer. He needs a touch a healing. www.caringbridge.org/visit/spencesboyer

Thanks for checking in and keeping us in your prayers.

Missing Cam, trusting God, thankful for our many blessings,
Juli

Thursday, January 25, 2007 8:56 AM CST

I don't have much to write today, only a couple of updates.

My interview went well. It seems they only need someone for 1 day a week, not the 3 I thought. They also have a contract with an agency that provides people for these types of services. If they have someone available, they are required to hire him/her. If not, I am sure they will hire me. There is a shortage of Speech Pathologists so it is likely I will be offered the job. I will know next week. Maybe one day a week is best for me, still. God only knows.

Yesterday, I got a call from Chad's school that he was throwing up, I needed to come get him. I said I would be right there. No problem until I realized Ed had accidentally taken my van keys with him and he was in Boston! I called a couple of friends and couldn't reach anyone so the school actually sent a bus to bring him home. It really wasn't a big deal but it was enough to make me pretty upset. Some days, it doesn't take much to nudge me over the edge. Chad is much better this morning but I kept him home. That means I won't get much done today :)

Dear Baby Donovan earned his angel wings a couple of days ago. He and his family fought so hard. I'm praying for you! This world of childhood cancer is the PITS!

Continuing to miss my prcious boy. The other day, I read about the Youth Retreat for the high school kids at church. I cried for what could have/should have been. Those things happen now and then. It is hard to let go of the plans we had for Cam and to embrace the plans God had for him instead.

Missing Cam, trusting God,

Thanks for checking in on us

Friday, January 19, 2007 7:30 AM CST

Happy Birthday (yesterday) to Derek. He turned 22 on the 18th. So 22 years ago, we became parents for the first time. We sure have had LOTS of experience since then. We have been stretched in every direction with our children. We treasure all 3 boys and the lessons they have taught us.

I had the colonoscopy yesterday. The hardest part was fasting on Wednesday and drinking the prep stuff. That is nasty stuff! The results of the colonoscopy and the endoscopy were negative. Thank God for that! The problem is that we still don't have the answer for why I am anemic so I have to proceed with other testing. My doctor said he has performed about 10,000 colonoscopies and mine was the most difficult he has ever done! I have a long and very twisted colon! Who Knew? At least I don't have to have another one for 5 years.

The whole process of having the procedure brought Cameron into clear focus. He had to have dozens, possibly 100s of "procedures" over the past 6 years. Each time, he had to be NPO (nothing to eat or drink for hours) and at times the procedures were delayed for additional hours. He got incredibly hungry and thirsty. What I had to do doesn't even show up on the radar screen compared to what he had to endure and I thought I was uncomfortable; thirsty, hungry and nauseated.

Then there was the time after his sepsis episode that he couldn't even have an ice chip or rinse his dry, thirsty mouth for 2 WEEKS!!! He had to give his pancreas total rest and time to heal. He couldn't even suck on a hard candy because it would stimulate saliva that he would swallow. He was miserable!!!...but he handled it all incredibly valiantly. After two weeks, he was finally allowed to have 2 teaspoons of ice chips! What a relief.

I found myself being so thankful that he doesn't have to endure any more misery like that. He is free of hunger and thirst, etc. It would be selfish to wish him back to all that stuff.

I am also thinking of all those brave children who are still having to deal with the "beast" and all that comes with it. I pray for strength for each one.

Thanks for checking in, again. We are doing pretty well today....just continue to miss our precious son so very much!!!

Monday, January 15, 2007 9:05 AM CST

I don't have much to write except that we are all doing fine. We are settling in to the house more and more all the time. I might have a job opportunity to work in a school 2 days a week. That would be just what I want. I will present my resume and talk to that school district this week. Ed is getting his passport and visa ready to head to Bejing. We are not sure when he will go yet.

Chad got to spend the day on Saturday at the Respite house. It is a house owned and operated by the state DMR (Department of Mental Retardation). Trained staff care for 4-5 handicapped adults for the day, take them out to McDonalds or to the beach when it is nice, etc. They offer overnight stays but we haven't done that yet. He likes the social interaction and we get a break to do what we need to do. I am thankful that DMR picked Chad up and resumed services for him here rather than making us go through the initial process again. That would have put him on a waiting list for services, etc. We got NO services in New Mexico at all because we were STILL on a waiting list after 3+ years.

We are missing Derek, again but he is doing fine and into a new semester. Springfield, MO got hit HARD with an ice storm and 90% of the city was without power. I think the whole Evangel Campus was without power.

We continue to miss Cameron so much. It just doesn't seem real. I don't have the words to explain it fully, it just doesn't seem real. I still go through the day quite well and then continue to have unexpected meltdowns when the tears and intense sadness come.

God is so good. He continues to meet our every need and is showing himself to us in new and unexpected ways all the time. It is exciting to see what He has in store for us as we submit our lives to His plan for us.

Thank you for checking in and for your continued support. We read the guest book entries all the time.

We love you and pray for God's blessings on your lives.

Friday, January 5, 2007 6:52 PM CST

We had to say goodbye to Derek today because it was time for him to fly back to Springfield. His school doesn't resume until the 11th but the band he plays in has a couple of gigs before then. It was wonderful having him home and there is a void now, again, with him gone. We had several good conversations about Cameron while he was home. He said it means so very much to him that he was there toward the end of Cam's life and that Cameron knew he was there. It was an incredibly powerful moment when Derek arrived at the hospital in Denver and Cam reached out and hugged him and called his name. That is one of those memories that brings bittersweet tears to my eyes every time I think of it.

The rest of the New Year has gotten off to a pretty good start. There have been some tearful moments when I miss Cameron. I find the best way to handle those times is to allow myself to cry and feel the pain, then move on.

Chad had an appointment with an ENT and it was decided he needs to have his tonsils removed. That is because he has frequent sleep apnea moments and his tonsils and adenoids are very large. The doc feels this procedure will help his breathing a lot. That is scheduled for Feb 14.

Then, I went to a doctor because I have to have a colonoscoopy as part of the diagnostic process to see why I'm anemic. That is scheduled for Jan 18. Yuk! Both are necessary but I'm certainly not looking forward to either one of them.

The Nason family had to say their final earthly goodbye to their 11 year old son, Brent. He fought valiantly and is now praising and worshipping Jesus in His presence. I wonder if he has met up with Cameron yet.

I keep in touch via other caringbridge sites with several children. I am so thankful that so many are doing well. Just a few are Jace, Emily, Spencer, Liam, Stephanie, Noah, Samantha, Andrew and Macy. I pray they will continue to do well this year and for many more to come.

I am so thankful for the unexpected beautiful weather we have been having here. It is going to hit 60 tomorrow! I feel bad for our friends in Santa Fe who have had a record breaking winter with LOTS of snow. We got out of there just in time.

Monday, January 1, 2007 11:10 AM CST

Happy New Year to all our friends and family. We rang in the New Year with about 20 of our close friends here at our house. We are so very thankful for so many supportive people in our lives. It helps us get through the difficult days and seasons.

It was so much fun yesterday at church. Derek used to play the bass guitar in our worship band at the church before he left for college and we moved to Santa Fe. Yesterday, the group he played with reunited to play for the service. They are AWESOME and lead the church in such beautiful worship and celebration of praise. I wish you could all have been there. Derek is a really talented musician. Naturally his mom and dad are proud of him. :)

I continue to follow the web pages of some dear children who are facing huge challenges. I continue to share a burden with the other parents who have lost their dear children. I pray for you daily, too.

www.caringbridge.org/in/babydonovan
www.caringbridge.org/ms/brentnason

I am thankful today for a new year! Ed has some exciting work opportunities. He is working on the scheduling and planning for the construction of 4 nuclear power plants being built in China. His company has the possibility of getting the contracts for many more nuclear plants in China and India. He will fly to Bejing for 2 weeks in January.

God bless you...love, Juli

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