Friday, May 11, 2007 4:41 PM CDT

Hello....or Hola! It sure is nice out! Makes me want to be in Mexico, on beach, with a Corona in hand...splashing around in the waves with my kids!

I just picked Kyle up from school. It was great as I hopped on his electric scooter and buzzed over there, wind in my face! Didn't have to deal with traffic or sweat in the heat walking.

Kyle hopped on the scooter and gave me a lift home! Very fun!

Riley went on a play date with a friend from school. She is then heading to Steamboat with her dad and grandma until Mother's Day. I'm sure they will have a great time!

Ty was home sick again. I took him to the doctor yesterday. They want to say it's *viral* (of course), but I insisted he was carpooling with the neighbor boy and hanging out with him at his house, and he is just getting over prety intense pneumonia. So they put Ty on 5 days of antibiotics. He is still coughing and looks run down...I'm not so sure he will be making his soccer game tomorrow. And boy will he have some serious make up work at school!

I went to lunch and the green house with mom today and bought some flowers for the pots. They look so pretty. Riley will be slightly upset as she likes to do the job with me, however I will take her Sunday and we can do some of the back yard pots together!

Every year, I remember how fun it is to do pots and have beautiful flowers and then by mid June, I'm sick of watering them already. And each year, I swear I will do a better job at watering...and I don't! But this year...!!! LOL!

I'm having the gals over tonight and tomorrow for food, drinks and scrapping. I'm so excited for my girl time! I'm currently scrapping the trip to Seattle last year. The pictures were just amazing so I should have fun with it.

Kitty is recovering from coyote attack but not very well. She is hobbling and can't use her shoulders very well. They really poke out...! Zoey is getting better from her ACL surgery as well. Striker has been limping from a trip to Steamboat, not sure what he did but hoping he just twisted something.

Off to finish some last minute things before the gals come over. I hope you all have had a tremendous week. Don't forget to register for FREE to join the national bone marrow registry at www.marrow.org (you can click on the link below to go there directly). Everyone should take the time do it...it simple, it's free, and it can save lives!

Muuuaaahhhh (my kiss to you)!

Denise

Wednesday, May 9, 2007 4:57 PM CDT

Let's see...sometimes I just don't know where to begin!

Ty was home sick Monday and Tuesday. He was having tummy aches, coughs and low grade fevers. Today, he woke up and showered deciding he would "try" to go. He took some Advil and headed out to school. He did say he'd call me if he felt yucky...and indeed he did, he almost made it through the whole day when I got the call at 2 pm that he has a fever of 100.9.

He is now up in bed with vegetable soup, water, juice and tylenol.

Kyle is out playing with Tian. This is day two for them as they are out selling candy bars...very cute! They bought candy bars today at the grocery store this afternoon and then go selling them. Kyle is on his electric scooter and Tian is on his bike. They have been having a great time and it's good to see Kyle being a kid.

Riley is out playing with water balloons. It's very nice here today...computer says 73.

Me? I'm going to clean the carpets, doesn't that sound fun? I just rented a cleaner and have it for 24 hours...so off I go!

I cannot leave without mentioning this though -

I hope you all can take a minute to help save a life. The National Marrow Donor site is offering FREE online opportunity to become a registered bone marrow donor. They are running a promotion from May 7th to May 21st called thanksMOM for individuals to join the national registry. It is so important to join and I feel should be required when you get your license (but I'm slightly biased to the whole situation)! You can be a match to someone who is fighting for their life and is in desperate need of a transplant. I joined the registry last year, it's a simple process of swabbing the insides of your cheeks and your on the list. What an amazing opportunity! Please, visit the website and join today FOR FREE!!!!

Thanks so much...

Denise

Monday, May 7, 2007 1:25 PM MTN

KYLE IS *N*O*R*M*A*L*

We arrived for his echo and ekg on time (thanks to the carpool lanes) at the cardiology unit. We checked in and were taken back to his room (photo in album). They hooked him up to what looks like an ultrasound machine for his heart. He thought it was very cool to hear the different sounds his heart makes.

Everything looked amazingly great, no damage due to all those years of chemotherapy. A big sigh of relief! You always walk in expecting the best, during the procedure your realize anything *could* happen so you take some deep breaths, and then when it's all done...you stop holding your breath and thank God for awesome results.

We then went to oncology and chatted with all of our favorite nurses and our favorite oncologist. I had them do a *finger poke* just out of curiosity.

Dr. Albano came in and checked Kyle over, asked if we had any concerns or questions (not so much) and then asked if Kyle would like to get that port out of his chest!

He is scheduled to have it removed on June 11th but that could change depending on availablity. This will also be his next appointment! He will continue taking Septra for two months, to prevent infection and that is it. We are now on the month to month visit plan...yippee!

The nurses then brought in a celebration cake for Kyle (photo in album) and a special gift (up above photo). Kyle was glowing...he is so excited for the next journey of his life!

My mom took us to BJ's for lunch (photo in album). We ate so much that I think Kyle is now upstairs taking a nap. I wanted to join him but as usual, a little too much to do.

We are so thankful and relieved that everything today was amazing. His counts are listed above and they are ALL in the NORMAL range! His onc was thrilled after one month off therapy that he has rebounded so amazingly! She gave me a big GIANT hug and a kiss! I think she too is very relieved!

Life is good! We are finally moving in a positive direction and are ready to start a brand new chapter of our lives (although sometimes I think I should be on a new book by now)!

The kids are amazing...our attitudes are positive and off we go, hand in hand, on to our new journey! We are all excited to see what the future holds for us!

I can't thank you all enough for the taking this journey with us, praying for us, loving and supporting us! You all have given me strength and hope...courage and faith!

Thank you...thank you!

Denise


Sunday, May 6, 2007 8:29 PM CDT

Today was a relaxing and quiet day. One that was much needed!

They boys had a sleep over at my mom's house, they had a great time. Kyle and mom went to breakfast while Ty slept in. They then hung out with my parents all day.

Riley was going to sleep over there but decided she wanted to come home, so my dad drove her home last night around 10. She came home in her PJ's, crawled into bed and was fast alseep.

Kyle seems moody today, he tends to get easily frustrated really. He does a lot of turning his head like he's saying "no" and rolling his eyes at me. I guess I can't really blame the steroids any longer...so now I'll just blame the age!

Tomorrow is his EKG and clinic appointment. We will get his blood counts, first time since going off therapy on March 28th. I'm curious to see how he is doing.

I ran into Nurse Tammy at our grocery store. She was just thrilled to hear the news of being off therapy early. Her first words the were the same we hear all the time now, "when does he get his port out?"

This is not scheduled yet because he was off therapy early and was told during a phone call with his oncologist. I am guessing we will schedule that tomorrow.

His dentist appointment friday went really well. Chemotherapy can be VERY hard on the children's teeth and the roots of their teeth. Kyle has had many teeth filled over the years and one crown. However, it was great to hear that all of those teeth are baby teeth so he will have a nice set of white teeth again when they all fall out. His x-rays looked awesome, his teeth should all come in straight (no braces for him, thank goodness) and the roots of all his adult teeth look healthy and great! I was very relieved! And the *cracked* tooth was actually not a crack but it was his baby tooth being pushed out by his adult tooth. It was so strange as they looked like two pieces of a puzzle, they fit perfectly! But I was relieved to hear that news as well! So one good cleaning, good news on his adult teeth, and good news that he didn't have a cracked tooth!

I have the kids shuttled out in the morning as we have to head to Children's early (morning traffic)! Thanks Rosemary for letting me drop Ry off at your house in the early morning and for taking her to school for me. Thanks Mindy for taking Ty. I'm so blessed to have such amazing and helpful people in my life!

Tonight, everyone should sleep well...clean sheets on all beds (gosh I love that)! Ty has had a headache most of today and Riley complained of one as well a few hours ago. I made some home baked banana bread for everyone, the loaf is already alomst gone (new simple recipe)! Nothing beats a warm loaf of banana bread when the weather is cold and rainy.

Sleep well everyone, please pray for AWESOME *NORMAL* blood counts and a very NORMAL EKG tomorrow!

Sleep tight...

Denise

Friday, May 4, 2007 10:04 AM CDT

Previously on Days of My Life:

Kitty is layed up from Coyote attack. Zoey, our precious German Shepherd dog, is recovering from her ACL surgery. Kyle, 10 year old Handsome Devil, was pulled off therapy on March 28th instead of May 18th due to his body being *tired*. Ty, my 14 year old well let's leave it at that, was refereeing soccer and playing. Riley, my 6 year old daughter going on 30, was keeping me on my toes and growing so fast, and me...well I'm a 37 year old (soon to be 38 year old) was last seen going through the emotional drain of 7 and 1/2 years of childhood cancer treatments, in the process of a divorce, and getting ready to sell her home that she built to be her 30 year home!

On this episode of Days of My Life:

Kitty is still layed up but managed to finally crawl into her litter box and use it. This is a bonus!

German Shepherd is doing much better and actually getting *brave* as she is moving about the house ever so cautiously. She looks good!

Crazy Golder Retriever, Striker, turns two today! That would be 14 in people years which explains his attitude.

Kyle, never ending! The Handsome Devil lost a tooth yesterday and then pointed out to me that his back tooth hurt. I took a look at it and it's cracking off. Not good and looks very painful. It's on the upper backside, the second from the back. And it's cracked almost all the way across, a few millimeters down from the gums. Yeee..ouch!
I called his dentist this morning, they called in his premedication (yes he has to take amoxocillin one hour prior to his appointment to prevent infections due to his port still being in)! So he will be premedicated at 12:30 and then will have his teeth cleaned and that *sore* tooth looked at! Bad karma? Just was saying how his teeth survived fairly well from the chemotherapy....

Ty, will be refereeing one game tomorrow and has a game to play in Boulder.

Riley, she's just adorable! She is thinking about being a vet when she grows up so she is perfect in taking care of our pet hospital.

My neighborhood, it's insane as it's the community garage sale and cars keep whizzing by. Was thinking "too bad the house isn't on the market already cause there is ALOT of traffic today!" However, we have a lot to do before this baby hits the market.

ME? I'm heading to the gym this morning, just after I pick up dog poop before the lawn boys get here. Then I have a few errands to run, pick up Kyle's premedication at Safeway, shower, run him to the dentist, pick up the other two crazy kids, and in the mean time, finish up laundry and clean!

Hey, I just saw an article on MSN yesterday. Did you know the salary of a stay at home mom is figured to be just under $139,000 per year. And the way I look at it, that doesn't include those of us that should earn nursing wages as well. Where the heck do I sign up to get paid???

Ok, here is my last plea (beg beg) for my Furry Scurry Fundraiser tomorrow morning. I am $50 away from earning a SWEATSHIRT. C'mon, if you have $50...I want a sweatshirt as Stephanie seems to walk away with mine and I'm down to only a few Light The Night ones.

Off to enjoy my day....I think it's supposed to rain, what a surprise!

Have a super weekend, and I will keep you posted on Kyle's teeth, my quest for $50 for my fundraiser tomorrow (hint hint) and life in the Lindgren household!

Keep us in your prayers...

Denise

Thursday, May 3, 2007 9:49 AM CDT

Today is a hmpf day! Not sure how I feel about it starting!

Let's see, Kyle stayed home yesterday and is still in bed this morning. I'm not sure what is going on with him but *sleeping in* is not typical of him. I'm letting him sleep instead of waking him and saying, "are you ok" "why are you in bed" "what's going on"...maybe he just needs some sleep! Although (devils advocate), he did go to bed at 9:30 last night. I'm less than thrilled with him still being in bed! I have that *pit* in my gut...the one that will probably be there for many, many years to come! I'm certain in my head that he is just still recovering from all of that chemotherapy...all those years of poison in him. I'm going with that today...

I picked up my kitty from the vet. They showed me her xrays and her injuries are not consistent with being hit by a car. I then pointed out to the vet how my dogs were going insane the night she was hurt and that coyotes are always chomping on kittys. She then looked Sissy over again and found a puncture wound on her shoulder blade. She also bit her tongue during the attack and has a large gash on it. All of her claws are mangled as well. Both of her shoulder blades are broken but they are both *caved* in. My poor girl is now sitting in a dog kennel for the next 4 to 6 weeks (and as I type this, she is crying)! She has lots of medicine to consumer as well and I guess she will recover next to Zoey. My goodness!

Calgon...take me away.....!!!!

Denise

Tuesday, May 1, 2007 3:16 PM CDT

Wednesday morning update:

Ok, bad karma bites me in the butt...can I EVER catch a break???

We were talking about new homes and I told the kids that we might have to downsize the kitties....(bad karma?)!

Took one of our kitties to the vet this morning as she was limp all day yesterday. The vet believes she was hit by a car and possibly broke both of her shoulder blades.

They have her now, doing xrays to see if she is even able to be fixed...it doesn't look good!

Lesson for the day: Watch out for bad karma!!!

Please say a prayer for our sweet kitty!



Another calm day here at the Lindgren house.

Kyle is still doing very well. Kyle will have his EKG on Monday along with a regular clinic visit. It has been a tad bit over a month since we've been in so I'm curious to see how my boy is doing. I'm sure I'll get some off therapy counts and discuss his port removal, given all looks good of course! I'm very proud of him as he has not had an easy 10 years of life...cancer twice, difficulties with school, birth father had Ed adopt him, and now Ed too is no longer living with him. I think this should mean that he has a wonderful, wonderful life from here on out! And of course, I will do EVERYTHING in my power to ensure that happens!

I have a meeting tomorrow at the Paralegal Institute to see about going back to school, take a tour, and talk money (YIKES)! I'm excited to meet with them as it's been since February of 2000 (Kyle's diagnosis) since I have been to school. I'm thinking I will go to school while the kids are in school...at least that is my goal. I'm a bit leary though as the last time I was enrolled there, I was a few months away from compeleting my certificate and Kyle was diagnosed with ALL. Can you hear all that money being flushed down the potty and no certificate to show for it??? I'm scared but one foot in front of the other is all I can do.

I look at Kyle's cancer as a 7 and a half year *pause* of my life and NOW I'm on *play* again (same life, seven plus years later, single mom and one more child is the only difference...LOL)! I am an episode of a soap opera aren't I?

Tonight is dinner and time with the kids...I think we are just going to snuggle, do homework, eat and relax! Sounds good to me as the skies look like they are about to open up and drop some serious rain down!

Just a reminder (as I too forgot), the FURRY SCURY walk is on Saturday morning here in Denver. I have raised $150 so far, my goal was $1000...I think I'm a bit off, but if you want to donate to Jasmine and I walking please go to the website and do so before Saturday! I appreicate everything and anything you can give...this coming from a HUGE animal lover!

Ta Ta For Now...

Denise

May 18th tattoos...I have Jack and Alicia down in Tennessee, Kim in Minnesota, Jen and Denise in Colorado! Kim is a step ahead as she made an appointment and is scheduled to be there...Jen we better hop on that!

Monday, April 30, 2007 4:00 PM CDT

Good afternoon...

We had a nice and relaxing weekend. I had the gals over to scrapbook on Saturday and it was so much fun! We did a potluck and had a great time! What an amazing group of girls to be friends with, and I needed the day to just chat and have fun. Thanks!

Riley went to Steamboat with her father, so the boys and I had the weekend to ourselves. We did a little house hunting for the day this house hits the market and sells. The boys were very excited to participate.

Kyle seems to be doing really well. He looks good, his color is good, his appetite is so-so. He asked me last night when he would get his port out. I surely didn't have any answers for him just yet but I'm guessing soon! It has been a GREAT month without Children's Hospital!

The weather is perking up and is nice and summer like. Of course, I've been cleaning all day and I actually think I'm sweating! I only accomplished getting the main level clean but that's a start!

Please continue to pray for strength for our family and a cancer free life for Kyle...no more cancer!!!

Send an extra prayers for Jacqueline and her mom as they begin their last round of chemotherapy tomorrow and it's expected to be a tough one!

Thanks for stopping in and thinking of us!

Denise

Thursday, April 26, 2007 1:15 PM CDT

Hello from beautiful Broomfield Colorado...

The weather is ever changing. It's cloudy today but we are expecting a beautiful weekend.

Kyle is doing well. I keep telling myself to "call Children's" for his next appointment and then I forget until it's 4:59 pm and I know they skipped out several minutes early and won't pick up if I call. I'm going with his appointment is sometime Monday and between now and Friday, I will call them to confirm. I guess this shows that I'm excited but hesitant to *CELEBRATE*!

The kids are all doing tremendous. They are just growing so fast that I am beside myself (what does that mean anyway, it just sounded like I should type that to type it...LOL)!

Life has been busy but I have spent the last two days cleaning this house. I'm currently working on the way too many hardwood floors and am taking a break!

We've still been juicing like 3 times a day around here. Usually two fruit juices and a veggie juice. Although, I must say I sometimes struggle guzzling down my veggies...BLAK! I think I like those better steamed!

The Leukemia Society called me up yesterday and I did sign up Kyle's Old Ladies AGAIN (four years and counting)! So, let me know if you are going to join the team again!

Not too much to report, quiet is good!

Much love...

Denise and crew!

Jen, about that tattoo...yes we are doing it. I have one of my friends in Minnesota doing hers too (KIM). So far we have May 18th as our slated day (his original off therapy day)! Yikes...I don't see many lining up to join us though!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 10:40 AM CDT

Tornado Tuesday here is Colorado....

I should say Broomfield, Colorado because Michelle (Maddi's mom) says it's snowing like crazy down in her neck of the woods. I, myself, feel like it is a hurricane rolling in here. It's so windy and rainy and dreary and I LIKE IT! Perfect weather...snow would depress me, rain is ok.

Kyle has been doing really well. I think his appetite is a bit off but appears to be strolling along with few complaints if any. I had him down on the calendar for getting chemotherapy tomorrow, yet since he was pulled off treatment last month I don't think we are keeping that appointment.

Last time I talked to nurse Sally, she said she had him down for April 30th. I think I will call this afternoon to confirm. I'm guessing that appointment will be used to set an appointment for an EKG and Echo, and possibly the port removal. I'm excited but nervous! We've been down this road before so I'm a bit cautious.

I went to the gym last night (God sent me). I didn't want to go but my class at the church was not a topic of interest for me so I hesitantly wandered over to the gym. A guy on the bike remembered having a chat with me awhile back so again, I plopped next to him and he started talking with me. We talked about my divorce and Kyle. This young woman kept listening in and finally she chimed in that her son was just diagnosed with Leukemia in January and have the same oncologist. WOW! I know too many kids in this area with it...makes ya wonder (right Cyndi?)!

We immediately took to talking...I told her a bit about Kyle and certainly gave her some positive thoughts to go on. I think she felt good meeting me and chatting. I hope to see her again soon! Thus explains why God sent me to the gym last night, even though my lungs were about to cave in and my face was bright red (not quite up to speed on my cardio and running)!

All in all, life is good here! The kids are tremendous and amaze me each and every day. I didn't think I could possibly love them anymore than I do but that love sure grows with each passing day. They are amazing, wonderful and each unique.

With that, I have to brave the storm outside and run some errands today (dogs are out of food, have to find a new bank, renew my 4Runner plates, and hit the grocery store...phew I'm already tired)! I should just bring a bar of soap along with me and shower on the way...

Have a super Tuesday, I know we will!

Denise

Saturday, April 21, 2007 5:37 PM MTN

Happy Saturday...

I'm tired! The sky *looks* like it wants to rain but it hasn't. It's cold, windy and hazy looking. You can't really *see* the sky but we have this weird, flat cloud like haze over the sky. And it makes me sleepy!

I want to say it's perfect NASCAR weather. Grab a soft warm blanket and curl up on the couch! Although with out a couple of toothpicks, I'm not so sure my eye's will stay open very long!

Yesterday, we got our juicer. I LOVE IT! And more importantly, the kids LOVE IT! They are eating/drinking so many great fuits and veggies. Kyle has had two glasses of orange juice and just finished off a glass of apple juice. I think once you drink fresh apple juice, I can't imagine going back to a container of it from the grocery store! I would highly recommend a juicer to everyone. Of course, it could be a phase but I truly think it will stick. We are certainly well on our way to a healthier lifestyle around here (thanks Stacey)! I was worried the kids would not drink anything but they are all for shoving stuff into it and drinking it up or at least tasting it. Problem is keeping fresh fruits and veggies around the house, I already have to go back and get more!

I think Kyle is almost ready for a picture with his adorable haircut. Ty won another soccer game and Riley is out playing with the neighbors!

All in all, a good sleepy...Saturday!

That's it from the Lindgren house for now!

Denise

Thursday, April 19, 2007 11:32 AM MTN

Good almost afternoon...

Not much happening at the house here. Kyle came home from school rather emotional yesterday (and now I can't blame the steroids)! I picked him and Riley up and we went to get their haircut. Riley was quick and simple with a *trim* as she is growing it out. Kyle on the other hand, didn't know what he wanted, hated the place I took him, and wouldn't speak to me. We then paid for Riley's haircut and went to the place at the mall that Kyle likes. I think they did a great job although this morning Kyle disagrees. He hates the first few days where it looks like it was just cut! Ok and I have to give it to him, I hate those days too! He was also upset at how *dark* his hair looks. The hair girl told him that this summer it will lighten up but Kyle insisted that was too far away. I am not going to highlight his hair!!!

Ty had soccer practice last night and Riley went on a visit with Ed. Which allowed me time at the gym...and I ran again this morning (3 days this week), I'm certainly not a good runner but I ran and survived! LOL!

Today, I have to clean, finish laundry, grocery shop, and plan dinner...the typical mom stuff.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the school I am looking at attending in the fall. They were trying to see if they could retrieve my old records. For those of you who don't know, I graduated college with a Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice and minor is Psychology. Then in 1999, as a single mom of my two boys...I enrolled at the Denver Paralegal Institute. Law has always fascinated me and I truly enjoyed the classes, however, many dollars later and three months from graduating...Kyle was diagnosed with Leukemia. I had to drop out!

Now, I am looking at entering the program and FINISHING IT! I am hoping to take classes in the fall, during the day while the kids are in school. I am truly very excited about it and the possibility of doing something I love!

Anyhoo...life is good for the most part. I have down days and up days but am trudging along forward in the best manner I can! Positive thoughts, positive outcome!

Thanks for stopping in, gotta go do my mom stuff!

Denise

I'll post a photo of Kyle's haircut when he decides he "likes" it. He is glad he can see out of his eyeballs again (his hair covered them up and he did this cute little flip of his head to see...I actually think I will miss that!)!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 1:54 PM CDT

Well hello everyone,

Life has been busy, as you can all probably relate!

Kyle is doing well. Nurse Sally had said he could come in today for counts to see where he is at, but so far I'm declining to do so. He should be in there next week sometime to schedule his EKG and Echo. We haven't even discussed his mediport, I'm curious to see what Dr. Albano wants to do about that. I know Kyle would prefer to have it taken out!

Ty has been busy with soccer. He is doing very well and is a tremendous help around here. He helps with Zoey (who seems to be taking a lot more time to recover than I imagined) and he helps with Riley and Kyle.

Last night, Ty grouped us all together and after dinner he had us all watch a movie and eating popcorn. It was nice to have them all snuggled in with me, even though we had seen the movie twice before!

Riley is doing well. What a busy girl and the fashion statement she is becoming is just adorable. The little no shirt, boxer wearing little girl is now really turning into a little girl with heels and skirt, pigtails and smiles!

It's been a good week so far. Of course, Grey's is back on tomorrow night finally! I went for a run twice, yippee for me! And now after school, Kyle is requesting a haircut so off we go!

I'm hoping to take them to a movie Friday, that is if Ty's social life allows it.

Thanks mom for the girls day yesterday! She called me yesterday morning and took me to lunch, to get a pedicure, eyebrow wax, and great conversation...all in exchange for a chai tea! What a mom, I'm blessed to have her as my mom!

Hope all is well in your world, I'm doing ok!

Denise

Monday, April 16, 2007 2:16 PM CDT

Good afternoon everyone...

Today, I see stars! I'm reading Calm My Anxious Heart, a good Christian based book and the first chapter talked about seeing "stars" or seeing "mud"! And I think when people's lives have such major events (such as childhood cancer), you tend to learn to see a lot of MUD! I think people can get caught up in the *overdrive* mode and let everything fall through the cracks...including ourselves and our own well being.

I know if I went back and looked at all of my journal entries, and relapse emails. I do appear to be strong and positive, I'm not saying that I am not those things but for 7 years my focus has been cancer and getting Kyle well. Just as is should have been, yet it's so easy to get *lost* in that life. I know in my heart I did my best to provide for my kids the best that I could. I can say I am a dedicated, hard working mom, my children are my life line and my support. I have always put them first and foremost (I think my ex spouses can testify to that)! I would do anything for them and only wanted their lives to be perfect.

Yet, the fall back to that...I have totally and completely lost myself. I forgot who I was and what I wanted out of life. I survived day to day trying to please everyone around me. I realized that I can't make people happy nor is my resposibility to make peole around me happy.

I saw Lance Armstrongs ex wife on Oprah, and I shook my head as she spoke. She too lost herself in her marriage and job as a mom. She no longer knew what her favorite glass of wine was, or her favorite place to eat. You just get caught up in day to day life and lose yourself.

I then began my road to seeing "mud"! I stopped seeing the beauty of life and the good in life. I can say I always strived to see the good in people. I can say I always put way too much trust into others and have been burned, but I don't regret that. I have learned from it, maybe not as fast as some would like me too but I have.

Now with my divorce in full swing I am again on a journey to learning. I cried for two days straight last week, the tears kept rolling and wouldn't stop. I think I got a lot out of my system from the past seven years. I got to emotionally deal with Kyle's cancer and his relapse, my failed marriage, and my life being in a downward spiral.

Today, I went for a run and lifted some weights, I ate healthy for breakfast and lunch and I took a long hot shower (in my new filtered shower head)! I realized I walked around this past week like a lost soul. Like I had nothing in life, nothing to look forward to, I was depressed beyond any form of depression I really think I've ever felt. And yet today, I realize that I am somebody. The future is mine...I can do anything I set my mind too. I'm tired of hatred and fighting and hurt. I'm tired of hurt beyond the mere words. Why do people hurt each other? Why do people intentionally do what they can to hurt others? Life is too short, I really feel with all of me that we should love one another, support one another, find the good in everyone. Life would be so much less complicated.

My marriage failed, should the kids suffer? Most certainly not. If my failed marriage causes Ed to be a better dad then I know in my heart, we made the right decision to go our separate ways. If my failed marriage causes me to shoot for the stars, then we made the right decision. I cannot look back any more, I just want to move forward and create a great environment for my kids.

Am I saying I will feel this way everyday, heck no! I know there are going to be many rough times ahead of me. I know there are people who dislike me, I know there are many negative people in this life, and I know there will be more tears streaming from my eyes.

Yet, I am committed to moving forward in my life. I am looking at returning to school in the fall to accomplish a dream of mine. Tyler will be entering high school and I am looking forward to watching him turn into a young man, one with respect and love and good values. I look forward to a cancer free life for Kyle and for him to have the ability to be a *normal* young boy (whatever that means)! And Riley, so amazing and beautiful. She is strong (reminds me of her mom) but I see her heart every now and then. We had an argument the other day and she did the little Denise and slammed her bedroom door! I gave her space as I would like when I am mad...and a few minutes later she said in her sweet little voice, "mommy what are you doing?" And I said, "getting ready to update Kyle's site" and she said, "can you please come up here!?" And when I reached the top of the stairs she was no where to be seen. I turned on my bedroom light and there on my pillow was a rolled up letter held together by a bracelet of hers. I read the letter with tears in my eyes, "mommy, I am sore 4 being mean. Can I pleas have a bol of cherios and banas?" with a big heart drawn with jagged edges.

I immediately went downstairs and poured her a bowl of Cheerios and sliced bananas. I delivered them to her room and received a big hug from her. I smiled and felt complete!

My children impress me, each and every day! And it's for them, that I need to move forward and provide the best life I can for them. I harbor no anger or resentment, I'm tired. I've fought the fight of my life since February 2000. I have fought hard and with all of my being. I'm tired now. I am mentally tired and drained beyond any words. I survived being a cancer mom (and I certainly know that role is far from over) and I can survive divorce and I can be a great single mom.

This is my life. It has been chosen for me...and although I don't know why my life has been the way it has for the past 37 years, I know I can only focus on today and the future. And that is what I am going to do...one day at a time!

Thanks for reading...I know it wasn't much about Kyle! But I had to get that off my chest and let you all know, I'm ok!

Kyle, he went to school today. He is getting back on track and I'm so thrilled for him. He went to tutoring yesterday and he has a full plate with school but he went today without one complaint. I'm so proud of him! One foot in front of the other...all the time! I'm anxious to hear how his day went, that will be the true test. I also think he has tutoring again after school today!

Ty has soccer practice today. His team finally had their first game Saturday and they won. I was very proud of him!

Riley, she had a busy weekend (visiting with her dad and playing outside in the amazing weather)!

Me...? I'm finding myself again and had a nice weekend too! I washed my truck inside and out, just in time for a great rainstorm to roll in!

Thanks for the emails...you all amaze me! I get terrified to get on my computer in fear it's some nasty lawyer email and I have such overwhelming love from you! I thank you!

Please continue to pray for a cancer free life for Kyle. I'm starting to see my Kyle return. Pray for strength and continued guidance for me, I can hear God's whispers and I rely on them!

My dear sweet JACQUELINE ROSE (battling AML and her last upcoming round of chemotherapy) needs prayers as well. She had an extremly scary and difficult weekend but is slowly healing in time for her last round of chemotherapy.

Many hugs to you all...

Denise

Friday, April 13, 2007 5:40 PM CDT

Happy Friday the 13th....and an ugly day it's been!

I've been trying to get Kyle to eat. His appetite is low again.

I'm waiting for his tutor to get with me. I have a stack of things to work with Kyle on and she is supposed to work with him this weekend. Although, I hate imposing cause she does do it on her own time and out of her own love for him. However, if he doesn't get this stuff done, Monday will be an emotional nightmare for him.

Ty is having a sleep over tonight and then has many games of soccer to referee and play. Poor guy, but I know he will enjoy the paycheck in the end.

Riley has been playing all day with Taylor across the street. They have a super great time together and Riley really needs it.

I had an emotinal break down last night and the kids just hugged me and loved me in bed, I was crying and when I looked down, Riley was wiping her tears away. I said, "are you crying too" and she said, "yes" and gave me a gigantic bear hug. It's times like that I know how much unconditional love we have and how mature my children are becoming. We all snuggled for about an hour and went to bed.

Today was no easier...horrible day! Thank you Michelle and Cyndi for talking with me. Your timing was amazing, you must have known I needed a shoulder. Divorce ranks right up there with cancer, although cancer tops in my book...!

So much for that "quick and easy" that was mentioned awhile back, it's been down right ugly and I'm sure it won't let up once we dig beyond visitation rights..! If I ever say I'm getting married again, would you all please forward me these journal entries!??!

I'm sure he reads these emails (as does his coworkers) and I have no way of monitoring things other than to shut down this sight but I need you and I rely on you for strength and encouragement so this is how it will be.

I know time heals all wounds...and that which does not kill me, strengthens me! With the love from my family, friends and most of all my children, I will survive and I will be better because of it, better and MUCH wiser!

I need lots of prayers for strength...I pray day and night to get through this! Please also continue for continued remission for Kyle. I don't have his next appointment down yet but will keep you all posted!

Denise

Thursday, April 12, 2007 9:59 AM CDT

Busy, busy and busy!

Life has been very busy but today is a hang at home and clean day. The house is out of sorts and I need to tackle it!

Kyle is home and will continue to stay home until Monday. He is slowly feeling better but he has major anxiety about returning and being so far behind. I talked with his teacher and the school and we decided that in the next four days, we will work hard to get Kyle caught up at home...using this weekend for a lot of tutoring time. That way he can return Monday morning (if he feels well) and he should not feel out of place or lost. That is our goal so I have to work hard with him today and tomorrow. Suzy will then work with him this weekend on the things I could not get done.

Ty is going to be super busy with soccer this weekend, as long as that snow storm that is expected to roll in gets in and out quickly. He has pictures, a game and refereeing on Saturday and then two more games to referee on Sunday. He is excited though, he is saving for gas and insurance for his first car (which is just around the corner)!

Riley is doing well, she has a play date today with friends. She is looking forward to that as she likes to stay busy herself.

I'm hoping to get the dogs over to the dog park this afternoon so that they may burn some energy. Zoey is still confined to her small area for another 6 weeks. Her x-rays looked great however I need to work on her range of motion exercises as she is not coming along as nicely as they had hoped with that. I laughed at the vet and said, "just another thing to add to my list" but knowing me, I'll get it done!

Thanks for checking in, hopefully I can get his guestbook up and running again soon. I'm still in talks with Caringbride and may have to secure this site to those who have Kyle's best interest and my families best interest at heart, in the mean time...thanks for the encouraging emails and phone calls.

I think I'm off for a quick run this morning...wish I could take those crazy dogs with me but I'm not quite up to their speed LOL! That would be a site to see!

Hugs...

Denise

Tuesday, April 10, 2007 3:33 PM CDT

Update:

Kyle woke up very pale, headache and tired. He took a tylenol and went back to bed. Upon waking up, he seemed to be in a better mood (still not himself). I did ask if he'd like to run into Children's for some tests but he declined.

I forced him to eat some lunch today, I think his appetite is on the decline and food would help him. He ate some and drank two bottles of water.

No low grade fevers today, his temp has been back to normal for 24 hours now. I'm still not certain he won't be making a trip back in soon. I just wish I could make him eat and drink more water, I know it would help.

I thank you all for the supportive emails. I love you...I have been so terribly busy with life and the kids that I have found little time to chat. My chat time is limited to when the kids are in school or in bed, when they are home it is all about them!

I know you all understand!

Prayers, prayers and more prayers...!

Denise


Tuesday, April 10, 2007 0:33 AM CDT

Good evening everyone...

Kyle has had a pretty bad day. He is still sporting a low grade fever which does not make me happy. He is having headaches again tonight. I asked if he'd like to run into Children's tonight to maybe have a culture done but he said no. So the plan is for me to call in the morning and get some feedback from Nurse Sally.

I had some gal pals over tonight for pizza. We hung out with the kids (well Kyle was up in bed not feeling well) and had a good time! Thank you girls as I needed a pick me up!

Riley and I snuggled up and read until she fell asleep and here I sit, requesting some extra prayers for Kyle. It breaks my heart that he is just not feeling well!

I apologize for the inconvience of not having a guestbook available to sign. I am currently seeking legal counsel and have a phone call into Caringbridge about a recent guestbook entry. I have asked for nothing but positive, encouraging words to be placed on my son's website! I will not tolerate defamation of my character on anyone's behalf not toward myself or my children. Therefore, please refrain from visiting my son's site if you do not have a positive interest in my children or myself. This is not the time or place for that. It is my purpose to print his guestbook entries for him to be placed into his *Journey Album*!

So on that happy note, for those I said I'd call back tonight (Cyndi), I was busy with Kyle today but will get back to you tomorrow!

Pleasant dreams all....

Denise

Monday, April 9, 2007 3:58 PM CDT

Good afternoon...

Thank you all for your kind emails and phone calls! You are an amazing support group who really keeps me positive and focused. I thank you all with all of my heart!

Today has been a great day aside from Kyle being home AGAIN with body soreness. Maybe it's his counts starting to pick up again...one could only hope. His nurse did say I could return for counts next week so I think I just might do that!

Yesterday we hung out at mom and dads until about 7:30 pm. We then cleaned up, got pj's on, snuggled up and read books. It was an early night for all of us!

Kyle and I have had a good day. He is drinking as much water as I can shove down his throat, and I am in the process of cleaning. We made home made waffles and bacon for breakfast yesterday and there are wrappers everywhere!

Zoey has x-rays tomorrow so I can see how her knee is healing. I'm not sure it's great as she tripods it A LOT!

I'll keep you posted on life...we've been relaxing but keeping busy!

Thank you so much Natalie for the gift cards you sent. The kids will enjoy online shopping a bit. I was very sad but I had a weekend scrapping retreat planned with my girlfriends this up and coming weekend (up in Estes Park...ME TIME!), but had to cancel due to the pending divorce here. I just can't leave my children or the house right now! But hey, there's always next time!!! So in my sadness, thank you to those who have helped me out this past week! I'm forever grateful!

Hugs to all....send along some prayers for Kyle to get well soon!

Denise

HAPPY EASTER...2007!

I hope you all are having a GREAT Easter. The kids and I, woke up and they did the old easter basket hunt. They found them rather quickly this year but I managed to get some photos!

I also had bought them a gift awhile back...so they were up first thing with it. I couldn't resist getting them the Wii. My mom found it a couple months back and held on to it for me until today!

So here is my favorite part (and please feel free to email me with ALL of your opinions and motivations - happy positive thoughts here remember!!?), as the kids and I loaded up the back of the 4Runner, got in the truck and backed out...there was a tap, tap on my window (scared the crap out of me), I look up and there is a strange looking man at my window! Yes, brace yourself...I WAS SERVED DIVORCE PAPERS ON EASTER MORNING WITH MY KIDS AND I IN THE TRUCK GETTING READY TO HEAD TO MY MOMS HOUSE FOR EASTER!

We are now at mom's, I've taken several deep breaths and am now enjoying time with my very supportive family. We are playing the Wii and I came in 3rd in bowling and I really stink at baseball.

So...Happy Easter! Thanks for your support and love everyone!

Kyle's fever is still low grade, no more 101 for now but it was 100 a bit ago.

Prayers please...I think we need them!!!!

Denise

Saturday, April 7, 2007 8:26 PM CDT

Happy Easter Eve...(new photos in the album)

Well I'm not so sure it IS happy. Kyle is not feeling well and is sporting a low grade fever. Not a good thing! I told him he cannot get admitted on Easter, just can't happen! So I gave him a Tylenol to mask it...am I bad? Horrible? I don't want to call yet...it was 101! It's back down a bit with the Tylenol. I am going to monitor him and call when I really need to. I just want him to have a great Easter!!!! I will certainly keep you all posted, admission on Easter would not be ideal!

We colored eggs today and had a blast. They each did a dozen and did a great job. I had bought them a kit that had this dabber thing to make like "sponge painted" eggs and they look very cute. The kids worked extra hard on them!

We are now getting ready to eat dinner and watch Happy Feet. Riley has really been wanting to see it, so that's our plan tonight. It almost feels like Christmas Eve as it's snowing out and it's cold. That poor Easter Bunny is gonna freeze his hiney off!

I'm very excited for tomorrow. We have an easter egg hunt planned and the typical variety of awesome foods to eat.

Thank you all for checking in on us...please pray Kyle's fever hits the road and he is not admitted for Easter Eve or Easter for that matter! Not good timing at all!

Don't forget to check out the new photos in the album. Ty looks great with his haircut!! You all did request a photo! Kyle looks...well sick and Riley is her cute little self.

Have a SUPER Easter everyone...

Denise

Friday, April 6, 2007 7:04 PM CDT

Good evening everyone!

Today didn't start out so grand. We totally over slept this morning so the kids were *late*! That didn't go over so well anyway!

Mom called to tell me she was going to SuperTarget and asked if I needed anything, well as a matter of fact I did. I needed eggs to color for Easter! I went to the store last night and bought a gallon of milk but forgot the eggs until I got home. She saved the day and brought me three dozen eggs to color this weekend.

Ty is in the process of boiling the eggs...he is doing a great job not cracking them!

Kyle made it to school today with no complaints as well.

Today has been a good day!

I hope you all enjoy your Easter! I have lots of great plans for my children, I can't wait!!!!

God Bless...

Denise

Thursday, April 5, 2007 2:44 PM CDT

Evening Update:

We were in and out of Childrens in one hour. That very well may have been our fastest trip yet. Riley was ALMOST home by the time we pulled in but luckily Tian was walking with her (I think he was actuall worried about her walking alone - too cute)!

His counts are listed above. His ANC dropped a bit but almost everything else was the same...CRAPPY! He had 12.8 monos so we are looking for him to round the corner anytime now (one month later)!

He looks pale and has white lips. He hasn't had any nose bleeds since this morning. After I gave him a Claritin (hmmm)! Once cancer mom said when her daughter went off therapy, she too experienced some nose bleeding. Sad to say, it made me feel better! I haven't said it in at least a week I think so here it goes...I HATE CANCER!

Tonight, I swore I was going to bed early. I am mentally and emotionally drained. Yesterday was such an awesome day and today nothing seemed to go right. Then to top off my day...Ty was kicking the soccer ball against the house outside (as usual) and he BROKE HIS BEDROOM! Can you believe it? I hear shattering glass and the biggest window in his room is now broke. And you know me (looking for positive), at least the windows are double paned so it doesn't need to be fixed right away. Nice huh? I think the running tally on broken windows in our house is 3 right now (did I tell you all we also back to a golf course?)!

We went to Best Buy tonight as well. Kyle thought the game he got last week was too hard to play so here I am looking like hell with my three kids as we trudge into Best Buy. I wait FOREVER in line at Customer Service, trying to gauge what person won't mess with me tonight cause I am drained, not in the mood really.

The guy nods me over to his register and I give him *the look* and start out with, "ok...I am drained and tired and have had a very long week, please don't mess with me cause there is a 99 percent chance I may cry!" Then I proceed to tell him that Kyle got the game as a gift and it's too hard to play for him and please let him get a different game for him. I know the rules, I have no receipt, I can typically only return for the same exact game that my son cannot play, otherwise *too bad so sad*! But please, today let him get a different game.

After what seemed like an eternity, he picked a new game. The other lady behind the register could probably see in my eyes that I am emotionally drained and leaned over the counter with three lollipops for my kids. Thank you Lord...!

I went home and made the kid's dinner while they played their new game. Riley, Stephanie and I did homework. She read for Stephanie and I while we ate.

We then all grabbed big fat Drumsticks for dessert, plopped our lazy butts on the couch and watched some television. Ry fell asleep, the boys are in bed and I have no idea what the heck I am doing up sooooo late AGAIN! I think I could sleep standing up this very minute.

I believe that is it for now...I continue to trudge on down the path the good Lord has chosen for me, one day at a time...and yes sometimes that even seems like too much!

Life is good, I'm just exhausted!

Oh right...you came to check on his nose bleeds. No answers, imagine that! Just keep an eye on him is what I am told and "if anything changes just give us a call!" Alrighty then....

Can't wait to see what tomorrow holds for me!

Mucho love,

Denise

Thank you so much for the Easter gifts Natalie! Your timing is always perfect and greatly appreciated. The kids are anxious to use the Barnes and Noble gift card! Angels I tell you...I believe in angels!



Well Kyle made it to school yesterday, however he is home again today. After the bloody nose in his lunch story, and having a bloody nose this morning before school...I have decided to call his nurse. I am going to take him in for a CBC to see what is going on with his counts. Hopefully he will not need a platelet transfusion, I'm not sure I remember the last one but they scare me! I will keep you posted on what the results are.

As for my story...you have to read yesterdays entry as it was so sweet! I just realized I wrote over that entry! But I wanted to share a true blessing and our run in with an *angel* yesterday!

As for the kids and I. We are doing well. We had a tremendous time. My motto is all about the kids and will continue to be so. I know many of you love and support me and I truly appreciate that with all of my heart. We just must refrain from typing things about Ed as he is still my children's father and someday this will printed out for Kyle's eyes to read! I have chosen to move on with my life in a positive and wonderful direction in the best interest of me and the children and I hope you all can respect that and do that as well!

I do not want all the negativity and bashing that can happen in divorce. Although we were faced with the reality that our marriage was over, we still have three beautiful children to raise as wonderful, honest, individuals. Kyle is far from out of the woods with his cancer and the road is still long and uncertain...

I'm a bit nervous to get his counts as last night he was up rolling on the floor with a belly ache. Although it has subsided, many know that when he relapsed, it all began with a belly ache. There are so many fears that will continue to haunt me day and night, we may be off therapy but there is so much to still deal with!

On that note, I am going to shower and run Kyle for counts! Prayers are greatly appreciated....

Denise

Wednesday, April 4, 2007 8:33 PM CDT

PAY IT FORWARD BABY!!!

Here is an awesome story I wanted to share! Kyle wanted to have a *Club Sandwich* for dinner tonight (hot wings and club sandwiches are the IN thing for him right now) so when I was done curling Riley's hair all beautiful the kids and I loaded up into the truck.

We got to Old Chicago and everyone was getting along, laughing and having a good time. It was great being with them and we really enjoyed one another. I loved having dinner with my kids. Having their attention and the quality time made my night.

After we ate dinner and had a big fat giant cookie with ice cream and a few games of trivia we were getting ready to leave when I asked her for the bill. She grinned and said, "ok I have this really weird story!" So she proceeded to tell me that a gentleman at another table (who was now gone) had gave her $100 bill and told her to "take care of that table!" He left his business card in the bill folder with the paid receipt. Amazing! The kindness brought tears to my eyes...such a difficult week, difficult 7 years, and here was some random stranger doing something nice for me and my children!

Now the kids are freaking out, "you can't call him, what if he's a stalker" so we agreed I could email him and thank him! So that is what I will do...! Talk about pay it forward! God is on my side...sitting on my shoulder, guiding me through the difficult times!

Also good news, Kyle made it back to school. It had not been since March 12th and today he went back. He had a bloody nose this morning and when he came home, he told me he had another bloody nose at lunch and it dripped onto his food. Nice huh! This poor boy has such lovely memories to hold close to him doesn't he???

With all three kids back at school. I attempted to clean the house up a bit and Stephanie came over with a Starbucks. That was nice too! Geez, my lucky day huh? It's about time I have a good day!

We've truly had a good week and for that I am thankful, and the nice gentleman who paid for our meal this evening! The world should have more people like him, paying it forward!

Much love tonight from little ol' me!

Denise

Tuesday, April 3, 2007 6:43 PM CDT

I will be fine...I know you are all concerned about me and the children, but know this I AM A STRONG INDIVIUAL, MY CHILDREN ARE MY WORLD...AND I WILL ALWAYS DO WHAT IS BEST FOR MY CHILDREN, I AM THEIR ADVOCATE, THEIR MOTHER, THEIR MENTOR, THEIR ROLE MODEL, THEIR INSPIRATION! WE WILL SURVIVE WHATEVER LIFE HAS TO THROW OUR WAY! YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT!

And on that note, I thank you all for your thoughts, emails, guestbook entries, advice, tips, phone calls and chats! I appreciate all that you do for me and my children! I will get through this but I never said I could do it alone right?!?!

On that note...Kyle missed school again today. He's just not *ready* yet. I can gauge it just the way he looks at me each morning. He is dressed, backpack in hand, shoes on and he gives me one look and I KNOW he isn't ready! Each day I tell myself, "tomorrow"...so again, maybe tomorrow! He did have another bloody nose a short while ago, not sure what that's all about except maybe the low platelets.

We are not expected back at Children's hospital until April 25th. I guess I will know more then...

Stacy, I may not get back on Classmates soon, but Friday sounds great! You can email me at my link below and we can make plans! Thank you for your messages, my life does deserve a movie or at least a book now doesn't it?

Thank you all for being you and loving my family as much as you do.

"That which doesn't kill, only strengthens..." I don't know why I typed that but I think I read it once...LOL!!!!

Muuuwwwaaahhh...that's my kiss to you!

Denise

Monday, April 2, 2007 5:51 PM CDT

As Riley puts it, "lots of changes are going on this week!"

"Kyle finished treatments, Ty cut all of his hair off, daddy moved out, and my finger turned white!" She's so darn cute...we walked home from school together today and had a nice chat about life, her dad moved out this morning, Ty cut his hair off, Kyle feels cruddy, and lots of new stuff going on! I just adore her....! And no mention of her wetting the bed!!!

Kyle stayed home, although I think by tomorrow he should be good to go. He went to the mall with us today to cut Ty's hair off and ate a pretty decent lunch. He had chest pains (Yikes!) until I remembered heart burn so I gave him a pepcid and that cleared it up pretty quickly. I guess all those spicy chicken wings got to him.

I also woke up after three hours of sleep...yes see last nights entry of my sleeping in a puddle of pee, and it took me until almost 11 to realize that Ed has moved out of the house. The majority of his stuff was gone and of course his camping and hiking gear...GONE too! I was a bit shocked but knew it was coming at some point and honestly I felt a sense of relief. I guess he could have not slipped out in the middle of the night but I feel it was easier that way as well!

The kids seem fine with it, although I'm not so sure the reality of him not coming back to live here has sunk in yet. I made mention that Ty and Kyle will have to learn how to put our tent up to camp this summer and Kyle said, "daddy will do it!" Ummm....no he won't! Ty seems proud to be the *man of the house* now...and a young man he is. His haircut is amazing...he looks so handsome and grown up! They are growing so fast, each and every day appearing that much older! I'm so proud of them!

Thanks Kim for the lengthy chat today, you are a true dear and I respect your thoughts, advice and opinions! I'm so glad you have come into my life!

Please say lots of prayers for us and all the big changes happening in our lives...!

Thanks for stopping in...

Denise

Monday, April 2, 2007 5:06 AM CDT

I cannot stand steroids. With every ounce of my being, I cannot stand steroids. Kyle has been difficult, moody, hateful at times, grumpy, mean, hungry, emotional, tearful, and did I mention hateful?

He really struggled with life on Saturday night. He was hungry but he was *just going to starve to death cause you don't care anyway*. Finally, I convinced him to eat something (typically something we don't have at home) and he settled on cheddar cheese popcorn. So off to the store I go at 9 pm (thank goodness it's literally just around the corner)! I pick up his steroids staples as well...corn dogs, popcorn, bacon, cream cheese, yummy Drumstick ice cream cones, Hansen's strawberry kiwi drinks and a case of water!

I made the popcorn and convince him to come downstairs and watch a movie with me. We rented Barnyard on pay per view. Riley had called part way through (she was having a sleep over at my mom's but wanted to come home). By the end of the very cute movie, I was smothered in kids. I had Riley on my left all curled up tight and snuggling. I had Kyle on my right sort of curled up and I was massaging his little feet and legs, and Ty curled up next to Kyle. I kept smiling thinking *this is the life*! There is nothing in the world like snuggling up with your children, watching a movie, all getting along, and giggling! It was such a great feeling!

Yesterday (it's 4:12 am here so it feels like today still so let me type this...) Sunday, Riley went to the zoo with her dad all day. I took Kyle (who now ordered my mom's famous hot wing tenders) and Ty over to my mom's. We ate, drank, and laughed all day long with Stephanie and Keoki. It was fun and AGAIN we all sat together and got along (ok aside from a few fun pokes at one another)! Kyle's mood diminished pretty quickly however....he turned moody and hateful when the wings wore off.

He had three...yes three bloody noses yesterday. I'm slightly concerned about his platelet count. It was only 110,000 last Wednesday and that was before he got Vincristine.

After we got home he was in HUGE tears....I went up to his room and he was so sad. I hate that cause I just want to hug him and he get's mean and tells me I hate him and just cries more. I too was not having a good night myself so it just makes it worse..two cranky, emotional people in the same room is not good! He kept saying he had to do his homework and he wasn't going to go to 5th grade cause he's behind! I convinced him that his teacher signed his guestbook and said not to worry about it at all...he finally believed me. Then I had to tell him that he is going to 5th grade no matter what...! Ugh...!

Steroids and low counts are such a helpless feeling. I know this is his last round of steroids but it breaks my heart dearly. To have your child, who loves you more than life and who you love more than life hurt so badly kills me. I know he has no control over it, and I know *my Kyle" will return soon...but it breaks my heart! I have to admit, I cried myself to sleep.

I know he doesn't mean to but he hurts my feelings and makes me sad. And to be so alone in life makes it difficult to cope with. Now that Kyle is coming off therapy, I think now after 7 long years, EVERYTHING is hitting me. I feel more alone now than I did fighting the fight. I know one cancer mom (and many probably feel this way) said something similar to this, we stay in high gear and busy so we don't have to stop and think. I know when we stop and think we break down. And lately, I've come to realize that I am alone and have been for a very long time. I'm just thankful I have my kids to warm my heart and share love with!

Now...why the hell am I up at 4:21 AM!?!?! This is a don't mention it to Riley story. Ty, Riley and I were sleeping in his bed...me in the middle. And I woke up to Riley saying, "can I go sleep somewhere else?" And I thought, "oh my gosh that is weird cause she has to sleep with me, I mean she comes home from sleep overs before she ever even goes to sleep"...well just as I roll over, I realize I am soaked from head to toe (I thought...wow that detox I'm doing is really kicking in, it's just sweating right out of me), I mean I was drenched! I then say, "ummm Riley did you pee?" and before I could really finish she says "no" and hops down out of bed with stuffed animals in hand. She then heads to her room, turns the light on and shuts the door to change her pj's. She is now sleeping like a baby, and I am in a change of clothes and feeling pretty crusty. I sort of chuckle to myself but it's pretty nasty! Ty is in the living room, on the cold floor, sleeping with Zoey (who still can't do crap since her knee surgery)!

I am tired, exhausted, drained...but not nearly so as I have special prayer requests heading out today. My friend Joni's husband passed away Friday from his melanoma. A young father of two and a beautful wife, please pray for their amazing family!

And my buddy Matthew is having troubles this weekend, he has pneumonia and they are trying to pinpoint if it's viral, bacterial, or fungal. Nancy is *tired* of cancer too, they are nearing their 7 years of hell as well! Please pray for them and hope that Matthew recovers soon!

www.caringbridge.org/in/matthewk

Now, I have let the dogs in and out and moved my pillow and blanket to the couch, I guess I may try to rest my eyes until 8 am when I have to face the morning of uncertainties. Riley has a field trip and will have to shower before she leaves, she will be tired and emotional, they are just coming off Spring Break so that doesn't help, who knows what I will wake up to with Kyle (hopefully he doens't send me into tears again), Ty is home for two more days due to Spring Break. He would like to finally cut his hair off (YIPPEE...happy dance) and I told him I'd take him to see 300. I don't want to see it, but he does...and so it's my job to bond with him and take him. We are having a Tyler and mommy day...we also have plans to hit the gym in the morning. Of course, this is all based on how Kyle is feeling tomorrow (today)! I'm all screwed up with dates and times right now, I mean 4:31 am...who the heck is up at 4:31 am typing a journal update!?

Did I tell you all my 20 year class reunion is coming up this summer....??? I just found a date...my dear and sweet friend from high school emailed me this weekend and we decided to be each others date. It should be fun!

Ok...I need to go find some place to catch a few hours of sleep! I'm deciding between coffee and sleep but I don't want to be too tired for my day with Ty, so I choose sleep!

Way to go Jimmy Johnson #48...another victory!!! And as I saw that grandfather clock he won after the race, I decided I should be his PR person. I think he should auction it off on eBay and use the money for cancer kids and their families...!

Do I ever shut up....????

Good night or good morning....

Denise

Friday, March 30, 2007 2:45 PM CDT

WHAT'S ON THE MENU TODAY?

This morning I woke up to a pale looking Kyle and he wasn't hungry. I gave him his steroids but not his antibiotics until he ate something. He then had hot wings for breakfast and took his antibiotics.

Mom and I went to the Health Food store, she is going to start making cat treats for her kitties, and I printed out a few dog treat recipes to try. I also picked up a bottle of vitamins for Kyle. They had everything in there that I read he should take (Vitamin E, Vitamin C, selenium and fuits and veggies) and they are veggie based. I haven't given him any YET. I will though! I am also going to look at doing a detox on him at some point, not sure what point but it's in my plans. I figure he probably has a WEALTH of toxins in his body! SO in the mean time, I bought myself a 15 day detox. I was reading the box and I was EVERYTHING on it...feeling fatigue, muscle and joint pain, sluggish immune function, weight gain?! These are signs that my body is overwhelmed with toxins. I'll let you all know how that works for me...

Riley and I just made homemade dog cookies for the pups, they each got two and ate them in seconds! I think they liked them. We have PupCakes in the oven now, they have to bake for 75 minutes. I'm sure they will gobble those up too. It's kind of fun to make them their own treats and they are super easy!

Kyle is sluggish, still pale, had a nose bleed this morning, his taste buds are *off* so he ate no cinnamon rolls this morning, and now he is playing with Tian.

He still needs to tackle that stack of make up work, I think that might be on my scheudle this afternoon. With low counts and steroids on board, it may be no easy task as the emotions are coming out of him like wild fire this morning.

Do you want to know the dumbest movie I have ever seen in my entire life...Employee of the Month. Stephanie and I swore we would not confess to watching it, but she told her co-workers today so I thought I'd put a big thumbs down (like you already didn't know that) on it. Grey's was a repeat so for our Thursday night television night we thought we'd watch a movie. Figuring it was probably a *chic flick* we'd watch it. It was a total joke. I seriously would have asked for my money back had I paid for it at a theater!

On that note...we are in full swing trying to organize something special for Kyle. We are narrowing it down to a party at the pool with all of Kyle's friends and family. In lieu of gifts for Kyle we are going to have people bring an unwrapped toy for the Children's Hospital or a financial donation to an organization (not sure which one yet but Dr. Albano has some terrific recommendations)!

Ok, I hear pitter patters...I need to go entertain and hydrate Kyle!!!

Thanks for all of the emails and guestbook entries...! I smile when I read each one, and I check every hour to see who has signed (it all goes in his album)!

Much love...we are just getting over the chemo and low count hurdles here!

Denise

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I am still glowing...still in shock...thrilled and happy!

Kyle is choking down steroids and antibiotics still...looks pale with leg bruising, BUT HE'S DONE!

And that's a BIG YES...he did get his games he wanted yesterday! Stephanie thank you for the impromtu celebration cake! All of your messages mean the world to me...still in shock but it's sinking in! WOW!

Don't you love the photos, that was him in Cozumel Mexico back in 2003 when we celebrated the first time!

What a handsome devil!!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 6:54 PM CDT

OH MY GOSH WHAT AN AMAZING DAY, GOD IS GOOD!

Let's see, we went into clinic at 2 this afternoon for Kyle's monthly vincristine (chemo) appointment. He is 66 pounds and 4 feet 4 inches tall!

We got to our room and Dr. Albano saw us right away. She popped into the room and we all began to chat. I told her about his ear infection last week and that we were two days short on his antibiotics. I told her I still had some chewable pills left from the last round. After looking in his ear she said it looked good but that I should use three more days of chewables to make sure it goes away!

I then asked her about the IVig treatments that many other families talk about. She DID give me that look like I smoked crack (and I told her before I asked that she would)! She said that at Denver Children's, they have looked over plenty of research on the subject of that and they felt at our Children's that there is no research that supports it or shows that it makes a difference. She said it's expensive and takes hours to administer and again research supporting IVig and cancer treatments is just not there. Now those that do use it can continue to use it, she just doesn't see the need for Kyle or her other patients.

She looked Kyle over, gave him a gigantic hug and in came the nurse. They accessed his port and gave him his chemotherapy. She deaccessed him and gave me a calendar of medications for the next month (not that I need it after this long, but I take them to scrapbook them)!

His next appointment is April 25th! We left for home as I just have them call me with counts.

So here I was calling in all his refills and checking email when the hospital called me. His regular nurse (Sally) was out today.

"Denise, I have Kyle's count!" I grab my pen and get my calendar ready (for seven years, I always write them on my calendar, again for scrapbooking)!

"His ANC is 537!" she tells me. I tell her "yuck" and she reminds me that he has been fighting an ear infection. She then tells me to "stop all chemotherapy." Ok we usually lower it, but STOP IT!?!?! She says, "give him his 5 days of steroids but no methotrexate or 6 mp anymore" with an emphasis on ANYMORE!

I'm confused. "Do you want to talk to Dr. Albano?" Yikes, talking to her on the phone is so, so serious! Before I could answer Dr. A was on the phone..."HE'S DONE!" I'm quite certain I said, "what, what do you mean DONE?"

So...in a quick nutshell (or as quick as I can be), KYLE IS OFFICIALLY OFF THERAPY TODAY! She feels that his body is tired, his marrow is tired, he is just plain old done with it! She is confident he is done and his prognosis is excellent! Her words (which always stick with me)..."if I haven't cured him with all that we did to him the past three years, a month and a few weeks is not going to make a difference!" She's pulled kids who weren't doing well early and they didn't relapse, and she is comfortable and confident in Kyle's status that he is done!!!

I am shocked, totally, truly, amazingly shocked. I had May 18th set in my head and now, today he is done...off therapy! When I called my mom, I looked at the calendar and saw that today is March 28th of 2007. I immediately grabbed my scrapbook from 2003 and sure enough...on March 28th of 2003, he was officially off therapy the first time around. I saw the photos of sweet little Kyle tossing his empty pill bottles into the ocean on this same exact day, four years ago!!!!

My heart is racing, my hands are sweating, my mind is in shock, I don't know if I want to cry, puke, smile, giggle, jump for joy, freak out, pray....!!! I know that the future holds no promises, but today I am thrilled!

7 years and 54 days ago, cancer came into our lives so unexpectedly. It has turned my life upside down and inside out. It has broken my heart, strengthened me, and forever changed me! I am a better person now and I still have my little boy. I have watched him lose his childhood, when he should have been learning to ride a bike, tie his shoes, and attend school with all the other little kids...he was dealing with cancer, baldness, side effects, relapse, nurses, needles, vomiting, low counts, fevers, poison, sad days, tears, frustration, hurt, anger and pain! His childhood was taken from him. From the small little boy age of 3 until the age of 10, cancer has been Kyle's life, my life, my families lives, and my friends lives. No plans, one day at a time, prayers, hope and faith!

I have Kyle...he is here to hold, hug and love! Today we are done with treatments. Cancer will forever be a part of our lives, it has left a mark on all of us! We are better and we are stronger because of it....we will continue to conquer childhood cancer...we will!

His next appointment is April 25th. This will be his off therapy appointment. They will send Kyle for all sorts of tests (EKG and Echo) to ensure the treatments haven't done anything to his body! We will then schedule his port removal, which right now my guess is May. April 29th of 2003 it came out the last time, we still have it in a jar. He has to continue to take weekend Septra until the port is removed and then a few weeks after! After that, he will have monthly finger pokes to monitor his blood counts.

Now comes the first year off treatment, the worries and fears. His body adjusting to life without chemotherapy, trying to function again in a normal capacity! Every cold, every cough...fear will strike my heart! I don't think I will really ever be at peace but I know each day that he doesn't relapse will be a day of rejoice, and each day will get a little bit easier.

I know in my mind 13 months off therapy he relapsed, May 18th of 2004. But I will keep the faith and I will march forward cherishing every single day that passes! I'm not saying I won't have setbacks or bad days...but today, I feel truly blessed!

And on a funny Kyle note, I run upstairs telling him I have good news and bad news! He says, "my cancer is back and I'm dying in two days (ok that part isn't funny)!" I give him the *what'r you smokin' crack* look! "NO" I tell him..."bad news is your counts SUCK!" He doesn't look surprised..."good news, you are off therapy, all done, no more chemotherapy anymore, DONE!" I then proceed to tell him and Ty about the weirdness with it being March 28th and I'm all excited and going on and on and he stops me and says, "oh my gosh, today is March 28th, a game I want comes out today...!" Tyler and I laugh. Ty says, "oh forget that I am now done taking chemotherapy cause I had cancer for the last 7 years...but a new game came out?!" Kyle giggled...that's my Kyle!!!!

Off to get a bottle of wine...Kim, I think we have to adjust our tattoo date! Jen, don't be a whimp...join us!

I'm still in shock but it's settling in...I don't know what *normal* is but I think I can almost taste it!

Thanks for your continued prayers, love and support! I surely could not have survived this journey without all of you! The journey isn't over...it's just taking a little bit of a different direction!

Much love...

Denise

and I just typed wayyy too much to proof read....!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 10:53 AM CDT

An Amazing Story of a Big Hero

I wanted to share a story I read this morning about an amazing young boy, MATTY, who just passed away this week from his cancer. I tell you, these children who battle for their lives are my true heroes. They never cease to amaze me with their strength and courage, so wise at such a young age! I think we as adults have so much to learn from them.

Today, we are off to the hospital for Vincristine (chemotherapy) and counts. I am also going to have them check his IVig levels. Many cancer moms have them checked when kids have a hard time recovering and their immune system is constantly compromised. I am going to see what Dr. Albano says, she may look at me like I smoke crack (I do get that look with a little smirk when I say, "other cancer moms think....")! I guess I don't blame her as she knows a heck of a lot more than I do about this stuff. I'd just like to get her thoughts.

I do think Kyle is doing much better. His appetite has finally picked up (just in time for more chemo to kick his little butt)! He played most of yesterday with Tian and appeared to be in a good mood!

He is still supposed to be on Augmentin for that nasty ear infection. He was supposed to take it for 10 days but the bottle ran empty last night, two days short. I do have some pills of it that I can get him to take for the next two days anyway. I have learned my lesson many times on cutting his antibiotics short because *I think* he is better. So I did promise myself that I would complete the 10 days.

Off to get ready for our trip to Children's. I will post later with counts and any information or funny looks that I might get today...

Prayers for good counts, we are on the home strecth!!!

Denise

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 10:45 AM CDT

Good morning...

I am going to take a stab in the dark that Kyle's counts are not great. I've talked to several cancer mom's and I think on Wednesday I am going to have them check his immunity levels, through a blood test. It appears he really struggles getting well and he has been sick for a long time. Maybe this might provide me with some answers.

Last night Stephanie delivered a stack of work for Kyle to do while on Spring Break (her mom helps tutor Kyle and keep him caught up in school when needed)! I'm hoping that Kyle and I can tackle some of it the next few days. He does have chemotherapy (stinky vincy) Wednesday afternoon. Then a nice 5 solid days of steroids. This may very well be his second to last dosage of steroids and stinky vincy (but who's counting anyway)!

I noticed yesterday that his appetite finally picked up. He ate three slices of pizza and had a drumstick (ice cream cone) for dinner. I was happy to see he was eating and happy.

I took the kids to the mall yesterday while my 4 Runner was being serviced. We had lunch, played Glow in the Dark putt putt (Kyle got a hole in one and won a coupon for a free game), went to Build A Bear workshop, bought Kyle a game for his 360, had ice cream cones and we were all worn out when we got home. It was a good day! While I was sad that I couldn't take the kids anywhere for Spring Break, I was glad to see we had a good day!

I think Stephanie and I are going to start working on an *off therapy* celebration for Kyle. May 18th is a Friday, so we thought maybe we could plan a big surprise party for Kyle...with lots of family, friends, love, food, gifts, and celebrating! We are in the beginning stages of planning so ideas are always welcome!!!! I want it to be BIG and FUN! And mom, let me give you a hint we are thinking of using your house for the festivities. But shhhhh the whole idea is a *secret*!

Today, we have no plans...it looks like it could rain. I'd like to come up with something to do but sometimes just hanging at home is fun too. I think I have raised home bodies...but that's ok with me, home is where the heart is!

Hope you all have a terrific Tuesday...

Denise

Sunday, March 25, 2007 11:55 AM CDT

"Good solid remission"

I keep repeating in my head the words Kyle's oncologist spoke to me last month, word for word, "good solid remission!"

I keep repeating those words over and over this morning because Kyle just isn't *rounding the corner* with whatever the heck is going on with him.

He has been on antibiotics since Tuesday and he ISN'T doing well, and he isn't feeling well, and he isn't looking well! I kept staring at him yesterday...he looked like CANCER. If you know what cancer looks like, you'd know what I was talking about.

Kyle is pale, white as a ghost with big black eyes...! His appetite is decreased quite a bit, he's tired (slept in this morning) and he hurts. He woke up with a headache and he said his *arms hurt*! I gave him another dose of antibiotics and some Tylenol and sent him upstairs.

"Good solid remission," his oncologist said with a huge smile of relief. I could tell she was just as thrilled as I. May 18th we are DONE! DONE with treatments...but why isn't Kyle getting better...???

My only back of my mind thought is, he is trying to battle an ear infection while on 100 percent chemotherapy and he has rarely EVER been able to handle 100 percent *healthy*, let alone with an ear infection...RIGHT?

Counts and more chemotherapy Wednesday at 2 pm...then bring on the steroids!

"Good solid remission!"

Denise

Blood Diamond: great movie but very intense and violent...! Not to mention it doesn't hurt to watch Leo for a good two and a half hours either...! I'd say a must see with NO children! Two thumbs up!

Friday, March 23, 2007 10:53 AM CDT

THE MAYONNAISE JAR and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an
unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things like family, children, health, friends, and favorite
passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and
car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend
all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for
the things that are important to you.

So ... Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be
time to clean the house and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls
first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest
is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always
room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Please share this with someone you care about.

I JUST DID!

Kyle is still home but did seem to perk up a wee tiny bit yesterday at the 24 hour mark of antibiotics. Must have been some ear infection!!!!

Ty woke up with a sore throat but is attempting school today, I'm just waiting for the phone call!

Welcome to Spring Break huh!?!?!

Denise

Thursday, March 22, 2007 2:23 PM CDT

Almost, 24 hours later with antibiotics and still not feeling too good. I was hoping he'd wake up and feel good, but no such luck! He says he still can't hear and it hurts. I've given him a morning dose of Advil, fluids, food, and a dark room to hide in. I'll just keep on keepin' on! I feel terrible for him though, I start to think he might round the corner and BAM...!

Good news for me today...I ATE!!! I actually was hungry! It had been a week and a half that I could handle anything and today as I sat in the dentist chair...my stomach growled, I was hungry! 8 pounds lighter but I polished off a Spicy Chicken Meal (medium sized too) from Wendy's, I think I might have inhaled it. I am so excited, I think I can see hope of feeling better soon (not that I want those 8 pounds back either)!

The dentist was awesome! I absoultely love getting my teeth cleaned. Of course, I had to make an appointment to have some of those lovely silver fillings replaced on the right side of my mouth. I have that two hour experience coming end of April. I finally asked about a mouth guard as I have woken up with a headache the last three mornings. I clench so hard my face hurts...LOL! That sounds funny! Once I have that dental work done, he will make me a mouth guard (I can see you smiling all the way here ML)!

I'm just happy I ate...now, if Kyle can get to feeling better SOON! I'd be really happy, like REALLY REALLY happy!

Many prayers for Mr. Kyle and his nasty ear infection to clear up. We are on the last stretch of treatments...everytime I look at the ticker I smile!

Please stay away stupid cancer...!

Denise

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 9:50 AM CDT

OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS IS:

a bulging, very infected, ready to burst ear infection!

One look at Dr. Yeashs face when he looked into Kyle's ear and I knew. He said it looks terribly painful and ready to explode. He was almost tempted to pop it himself to relieve the pressure but I nixed that idea...Kyle's luck and it will turn into hearing loss or a severe infection. Doc warned us that it may pop on it's own and don't be surprised if we see *blood* and *pus* but he'd feel better!

He is on 10 days of liquid Augmentin again! His lungs sound fine and cough is already going down with the meds. Hmpf...can Kyle EVER catch a break????

He is upstairs snoozing, I'm curious to see if it popped last night. I gave him two doses of medication yesterday so hopefully by the afternoon he will feel much better.

I got his report card yesterday. Two A's and 3 B's...very impressive for a boy who missed 22.5 days the last trimester (total for the first two trimesters was 41 days, YIKES)! I am now paying my kids good grades (as a way of motivating Ty to do good as well...)!

I talked to Suzy Lucier (Kyle's tutor and family friend) and she is going to work with Kyle over Spring Break to get him caught up since he has missed so much. The good news for me anyway is that it was CSAP's for most of his time missed. Not so good for Kyle's teacher who is getting drilled with questions as to when Kyle will be able to make them up...sorry! I am sometimes amazed as to what people find important in life...really! Kyle's teacher is very much on the same page as I am with "health first" and I appreciate that!

We are trying to make some plans for Spring Break. Some fun stuff to do...movies, Dave and Busters, activities for the kids to do! If anyone can come up with inexpensive ideas that would be great!

As for myself Kim...I am still battling *something*, I feel good in the morning but by the time I shower and want to start my day, my right side throbs. I cannot seem to pinpoint where it exactly hurts or where the pain is coming from but the whole side seems to throb. My appetite is really low and I think I lost another pound or two. I'm not too worried yet...either the pain will go away or it will explode right?!?! I think I am very dehydrated from being sick all last week, I am trying to drink fluids but still get dizzy and occassionaly see spots...weird huh? Now as you can all tell, I don't do such a good job of taking care of myself...too busy! And I hate going in and hearing it's *viral*! I'm more of a wait and see kind of gal when it comes to myself anyway!

Marion...unfortunately we haven't been to your area and from the sounds of your Riley's condition, that is a good thing! I hate play areas...I NEVER have let the kids join in on that crap. Too many sick kids and I call those places big *germfests*! I hate to say this but I think too many parents don't care about sharing whatever their kids have. Just my two cents for the day!!!

Ok...I'm going to peek on my sweet Kyle. Oh but wait, I think Dr. Yeash has started to talk Kyle out of the ATV. He went on to tell him how dangerous they are and what is his second choice...by the end of the visit Kyle kept saying, "where would I ride it anyway!" So...we are still working on the *off therapy* celebration and gift!

Thanks for stopping in, sorry I didn't update yesterday. After the docs we went to fill his meds and hung out with mom and watched RV (almost makes you want to rent one huh)!

Much love and thanks for lurking in on us...

Denise

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 12:05 AM CDT

I took the above photo this morning and I must say, my handsome devil looks a bit under the weather. I think from the photo that his face looks pudgy and his lips rather white.

I am pushing more fluids, cough medicine every 12 hours, humidifier is running and I just made an appointment. His nurse seems to think he can beat this but I am starting to have my doubts.

I think with his white count so low and him being on 100 percent chemotherapy, he is having troubles *beating* whatever it is he has.

This morning he told me that he can't hear out of his ear...I think he has more ear troubles than anyone I know.

I am taking him to our family doctor at 3 pm this afternoon. I'll have him listen to Kyle, peek in his ears and check him over. We just can't keep doing this and he isn't kicking it himself. He has missed over a week of school and I want him well. I miss my happy, cute, funny, smiling little boy!

I will keep you posted on his appointment when we return home this afternoon.

Thanks for the well wishes, prayers, and guestbook entries!

Denise

Monday, March 19, 2007 9:57 AM CDT

10:30 am

Talked to Children's...give Kyle cough medicine, fluids, humidifier, take temperature often...nurse will call back at 1 pm to check on him.

I'm off to get a battery for our thermometer and some Gatorade. Kyle is tucked into his dark and cold room, watching tv.

I told him we would snuggle and watch a movie this afternoon...per doctors orders!

Keep ya'll posted!




On hold with Children's Hospital...

Kyle's chest still hurts when he coughs, crying with headache and earache last night, threw up this morning...
thus I can say, we are offically going downhill! Our only saving grace at this moment is no fever (but that was with the *mom's lips on the forehead* test as the batteries on the thermometer died)!

Toss in an extra prayer for Mr. Kyle...

Denise

Sunday, March 18th, 2007 at 4:59 pm MTN

Check this out...I just signed Kyle up for this fundraiser as an honoree and he already has someone who is going to shave his head in honor of KYLE!!!!! Donate if you can, so very very cool...

http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/shavee_info.html?ShaveeID=14557

Cut and paste and donate to him in honor of KYLE....so cool, I'm just in awwww!!!

I chose *blue* for the big win from Jimmy Johnson today...two weeks in a row!!!! Thank you a million times over to my cousin Tracie who sent me an unexpected box Friday...I LOVE IT! She sent me a very cute pink Jimmy Johnson hat, some pj bottoms with 48's all over them (and they are soft) and a Jimmy coat! Ooooh you made my year! Thank you!

Ok, I am alive and yes we still have *the crud*...serious crud. I lost 5 pounds last week due to crud! I finally felt ok Saturday and tore apart my house, cleaning, sterilizing, opened windows...everything...CLEAN! I feel better, Kyle still has the CRUD!

His cough will not go away, I thought it was starting too but it's not. It sounds deep. He said this morning that his chest hurts a bit when he coughs! Is it time for an xray!?!?! I'm starting to get that feeling that it might be time to intervene as it's not going away on it's own! I had him take some Vitamin C today but I think I may get it checked out. He has missed way too much school, 4 days last week and I don't like the whole chest problem!

Anyhoo, that's it for now. I hope you all had a great weekend. My brother was in town for a quick visit Friday night and it was great seeing him.

Off to find something else to clean and let Zoey out for a potty break...

Much love, Denise


Wednesday, March 14, 2007 3:36 PM MTN

UPDATE: Counts are in!

White Blood Count - 1.9
Hemoglobin - 10.5
Platelets - 220,000
ANC is holding steady - 1300

He will be staying on 100 percent 6 mp and 75 percent methotrexate.

Next appointment is Wednesday, March 28th...no time set!




Went in for Kyle's CBC (aka finger poke), we are now waiting for the call with counts. They usually don't call me back until after 5 pm.

On our drive to Children's we talked a bit about an off therapy celebration and what we'd like to do.

Kyle would like to head back to Missouri for some down time and fun with his cousins. We may head out there June 8th for a visit. I am also thinking of having a nice new ATV with a big red bow awaiting his arrival in Missouri. This is what he REALLY wants! Now I just have to figure out how to make that happen.

I know as much about ATV's as I do about open heart surgery. So far I have gathered he'd like a blue one, and I might add the blue is nice. LOL! I looked on Ebay and of course, I'm looking for the best looking one and know nothing about features. So for those of you who know anything about ATV's, what type I should get him, where to get it, features I should look for...email me! I am seriously very clueless! I sure wish we didn't waste our Make A Wish on meeting Terrill Davis back in 2001...Kyle could really have a nice gift! I'll do the best I can though, I just need some ATV knowledge and help! I did look at something earlier and I do know he doesn't want a racing ATV, we are thinking more off road, hills, mud...that kind of 4 Wheelin'!

Of course, then I have to find a trailer to pull it cause I know you can't ride them where we live! I have two months...HELP ME!!!

I'll post counts when the call comes in...hopefully they are good! He wanted to try to swap out his pomegranet juice for his blood to trick them but we were warned that might send him inpatient cause he would then have 0 counts! He quickly changed his tune on the little prank!

Have a good afternoon...I'm still rebounding from the *bug*, Kyle is rounding the corner (guess it always takes the old mom the longest to get better)! Age, such a beatiful thing!

Hugs and love...prayers for good counts! And donate to my Furry Scurry please!!! C'mon, animal lovers...I know you are out there!

Denise

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 5:42 PM CDT
Update:

Ok Michelle you have me counting too!

From now until end of treatment, Kyle has:

3 more port pokes

104 1/2 6mp pills to swallow (if he stays on 100 percent)

70 Methotrexate pills to swallow (if he stays at 75 percent)

one surgery to remove his port

no more sleepy rooms

67 days and counting...!!! YIKES!



What another gorgeous day!

Kyle was home with the never ending cough that he can't get rid of. Tomorrow afternoon we will get his counts so hopefully we can figure out what's holding him back. I won't complain though, whatever bug is floating around our house just will NOT go away! Riley seems to be rounding the corner anyway! Grrr....

Zoey got her staples out of her knee today. I think the scale lied, they have her at 112 pounds...c'mon chubby girl she needs to fix that knee and get her half shaved off butt outside and playing!

Well, you all know me...I never stop worrying about EVERYONE else, I am on to another fundraiser! This one is for the Denver Dumb Friends League. Jasmine (my rescue doggie) and I are participating in the Furry Scurry. I set my goal to $1000 ( a lot more reasonable than the Leukemia Society) and am currently at $150 (thanks Dana T and Kim D)! If you want to donate to the animal shelter or check out Jasmines cute photo you can do so at:

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=220173&supId=163545949

I think you might have to cut and paste! What do I know!

Other than that...we are still hanging in there, fighting the little virus bugs, and continuing our off therapy count down! Just shy of 2 months...!!!!

Hope you all had beautiful afternoons...sun filled and warm!

Thanks for stopping in...

Denise

Gosh, I have been so boring lately!!!

Monday, March 12, 2007 6:23 PM CDT

I am so sorry fellow followers...I have been busy!

Kyle is doing pretty good. He, Riley and I all have that nasal yuck again. I picked him up from school and he said, "you should see how much snot came out of my nose today!" Nice!

He seems to have low energy, low appetite, and little color. He is back on 100 percent of his 6MP and we will have counts checked on Wednesday. I think that could be a good thing cause we may need to lower him again. As you all know, I'm still not the best at figuring his counts out by looking at him. He made it to school today but seems worn out! Poor guy!

Zoey is also slowly (and I mean slowly) recovering. She get's her staples out tomorrow. She still tripods it and only uses her leg when she is standing still. I am supposed to be doing some range of motion exercises with her but I'm scared I will hurt her!

I hope you all had a beautiful day today. It was incredible here in Colorado today. The computer is telling me it's 69 degrees out and it's already 5:27 pm. By the way, I hate the time change. I could really use a big fat NAP!!!

Thanks for stopping in...extra prayers for GREAT counts would be greatly appreciated! Ed is still working on his fundraiser for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. The link is below if you are at all interested in donating! As you all know, I think it's a tremendous cause...a cure in Kyle's lifetime, that's my number one goal!

I'm also attending a fundraiser on Friday...something about shaving heads bald for cancer...YIKES! Great cause!

Off to rest...I feel yucky!

Denise

Friday, March 9, 2007 9:42 AM CST

SICK GERMS...DOES ANYBODY HAVE A "GO AWAY SICK GERMS" DANCE FOR ME TO USE?

I am telling you...when will it go away!? I was up til 11 unable to breathe and burning throat cause of the *junk* in my throat! Then I was up before 7 am...still unable to breathe after adjusting and readjusting my head last night to keep at least one nasal passage open! And...Kyle and Riley have it too! Kyle is more so the belly right now! Riley and I just sound like we are talking underwater! This is ridiculous. I am really over it, sick of it, done! I'm with you Marion, c'mon nice weather so we can open windows, lysol the heck out of the house, and get the sick germs away! Ty seems to be the only one who is escaping it so far, of course with school and soccer...he's not so exposed.

I'm rather excited today as I just received an email this morning from a fellow cancer fundraiser person in the area who has been doing tremendous things for research around here. I'm not sure how he found me, but I'm glad he did (I have a suspicion that the good Man upstairs sent him to me). He has a fundraiser coming up and I just, well I'll just say it, invited myself to attend it. I'd like to hear more about his efforts and what he is doing and possibly see where I can help him out in the future! This is a fight that is near and dear to both of our hearts as it is to many of you reading today! I'll keep you posted!

That's it for now. I'm going to put on my happy face, shower, shave and shine and act like I'm not sick and can't breathe! Too much to do, not time to be sick!

Let me know about some awesome "sick germ" dances you might have.

Prayers and hugs needed...

Denise

Thursday, March 8, 2007 12:24 AM CST

Good morning, almost afternoon!

Let's see (I'm sure you are all thinking "what now?"), nothing major to report from Colorado today.

Kyle and Riley are both home ill. Kyle's head cold has moved to a tummy ache. Riley seems to be on the mend but did complain of belly aches last night and appears to be rounding the corner after a good night sleep. I now have the sinus issues AGAIN. I have that burning sore throat with lots of "stuff" sliding down my throat (very gross I know but I figured if I typed that, you'd all know what I was talking about)! Riley and I moved camp last night, after sleeping on a blow up next to Zoey for a week...we offically moved to the bed last night and it was amazingly NICE!

Zoey just got back from the vet. She is doing VERY well and will get her staples out of her knee next week. She is going to be in that darn pen for about a month...YUCK for her. But her big news...my home cooked meals have allowed her to drop 4 pounds (what does that say about my cooking OR what does that say about fillers in dog food?)

Today is a day of rest around here...! I was supposed to meet my friend at the gym but the burning throat and sick kids but a halt to that! She wants to lose 10 pounds in 8 weeks and well I think I'd like to tone up some more! At least we have each other to encourage one another, thanks Mindy!

Thank you for all the emails and well wishes. I figure if God brings me to it, He WILL bring me through it!

As always, prayers are welcome!

Denise

Wednesday, March 7, 2007 8:08 AM MTN

Afternoon update:

Let's see how positive I can remain, I was just informed by my spouse, Ed, that he is in the process of filing for divorce and much to his happiness it should be *quick* and *easy* (not so sure I've ever heard of divorce, quick and easy ever being used in the same sentence but we will see)!

I will forge on with my positive attitude through all of this, not only for me but my three beautiful children. I just request many prayers for the kids and I, for strength, love and happiness during this time.

My posts may slow down as I am in the process of finding myself through all of this! I know with my faith in God, I can get through pretty much anything!

Thanks for all of your words of encouragement and prayers in advance! I love you all...

Denise


What the heck is *floating* around our house this time?

I have sick kids...Kyle is coughing, sore throat and puffy face (although I contribute that one to steroids)! Riley was up all night with a "belly ache" and she has red cheeks and is already laying back on the couch. I *thought* we beat whatever has been lingering the last few months but not a chance. I too do not feel great but I'm going to pretend I feel good anyway. Mind over matter right!?

Ed came home from India with some weird cold and who the heck knows what disgusting, yucky virus he caught over there. My mind has circled for days trying NOT to think about it, but it may have caught up with my kids! I guess he should have been quarentined upon return!

I guess today, I will be Nurse Denise and Maid Denise, what a great day!

Zoey is getting better each day but is still confined to her pen and looks rather bored. She won't use her new leg either...she will only tripod it and when she stands she curls her toes under which concerns me. She has an appointment tomorrow morning so we will see what they say!

As for me, I have a personal goal that I had wanted to accomplish and always told myself I couldn't do it, well no more of that bad talk...yesterday when I went to the gym I went for that goal, I've always wanted to run (not marathons, not half marathons but a few miles would be nice) so I started out on the treadmill and walked 13 minutes, then I decided that I should run two minutes and walk two minutes and keep rotating. Well once I got to running I kept going...a whole 13 minutes which is HUGE for me! I then hopped on the bike for another 15 and followed up with abs. Those who know me, know I usually have issues with cardio...I can lift weights, take classes, do Pilates all week long but cardio...YUCK! But I did it for 13 minutes and will hopefully just keep increasing. I'd like to run a 1/2 hour as my goal (with no shin splints, which is always another running problem with me but today they feel fine...my thighs don't but my shins do)!

There is a *new* Denise in town. I am tossing out the negative, can't do it, Denise bashing self and becoming a new positive, confident Denise who thinks it's about time to set some goals and accomplish them! Sort of the, "it's time to do the things I've always wanted to but told myself I couldn't" or also known as my mid-life crisis I'm sure!

Anyway, please pray for some healthy children around here...I think I'm getting nursing burn out!

By the way, thanks to those that responded to me about the tattoo thing. Tammy, I think the idea on the heart sounds painful...! We will see though...and KimD, I'll let you know what time and we can do it at the exact same time on the day! Kyle thinks I'm crazy...but it's a tribute to him!

Off to wake Ty up for school. Hopefully I can get one kid out the door this morning!

Denise

Tuesday, March 6, 2007 10:32 AM CST

I made a decision today!

I have been tossing around the idea of getting another tattoo for a long time. I go through those phases of, "I'm going to do it!" and then, "gosh, I'm too old for that crap!" However, today I decided (with some help from my new found friend Kim) to do it. I am going to get this way cute BUTTERFLY that supports childhood cancer research and underneath it I am going to put Kyle's name. I am going to do it on May 18th, the offical day he is off therapy AGAIN! Sort of as a milestone and tribute to my little amazing hero! So...if anyone has been thinking of getting a tattoo, let's line up May 18th and do it together! Doesn't that sound fun!?!?!

Also, Ed is doing a hike in Yosemite this summer for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and in honor of Kyle. He'd like to get your financial support and you can do so at HIKE FOR DISCOVERY FUNDRAISING PAGE. Any help would truly be appreciated as we are always raising money to find a cure. It has always been a goal of mine to find a cure for leukemia in Kyle's lifetime!

Kyle is doing well...no *roid rage* yesterday. Today, his class in on a field trip so that made him a little bit more relaxed!

I'm off to the gym...haven't decided where I'm putting that tattoo yet so I better tone up!!!

Thanks for stopping in...and for the many prayers and support!

Denise

Monday, March 5, 2007 12:10 PM MTN

It's already NOON? Where has my day gone?

Let's see...Kyle's *roid rage* continued on last night. We had a serious upset, angry, crying spell about homework. He missed most of last week and had a worksheet he had to do. I told him I'd help him but that I needed to get Zoey out to potty (which does take a good 45 minutes as she likes to ice her leg on the last remaining piles of snow outside)! I then came in and helped him and he seemed much better, although I think the CSAP testing they are doing this week makes him nervous and he attempted to be sick! Needless to say, I did get him out the door this morning and no phone calls yet!

Zoey is recovering, thanks for the well wishes for her. Her leg now looks like she was run over by a *slug bug* and not a big truck! She's getting better but the being confined to a small pen is wearing on her (and me)!

Kyle's next hospital visit is the 14th. He is getting a CBC (aka finger poke) to make sure he is handling the 100 percent 6mp (chemo) ok. It sure would be nice if he stayed on 100 percent until the end. Which I cannot believe is May 18th...! Wow! Just over two months to go and I can't believe how sometimes it seems so long and like it will never end, and yet now I feel like it has all gone so quickly (all 7 plus years of it)!

So with that...I'm going to eat some lunch and have some Monday Me time (I know how selfish of ME)! I caught up on sleep last night finally but now I just want to VEG OUT!

Thanks for checking in...!

Denise

Sunday, March 4, 2007 5:01 PM MTN

I am sooo tired I could fall over, I think I've caught myself sleeping sitting up several times and I know I've fallen asleep in Zoey's pen with her. I only woke up once from a deep sleep with my handprint on my cheek! Don't laugh, you know it's happened to you...maybe not at 37 years old but it has!

Zoey is recovering well but her leg is the ugliest site I have ever seen. It looks like she got hit by a very LARGE truck...black and blue and swollen!

Anyhoo...steroids are kicking in a bit for Kyle. I only know because early this morning when I was serving him his cinnamon roll (our Sunday ritual), it tipped upside down on his plate and he cried. He was so mad at me and he cried and he stomped all the way upstairs without missing a step. He only stayed mad for about 10 minutes but YIKES!

I must go...just wanted to tell you all we are hanging in there. My contacts are fogging over cause they are so tired I can't see straight! I don't think anyone warned me that I wouldn't sleep while my dog is recovering!

More tomorrow when hopefully I can get at least 6 hours of straight solid sleep!

Denise


Friday, March 2, 2007 9:35 AM MTN

So if you sent me an email, I deleted it...I am soooo tired that somehow when I checked my emails today I deleted every single one of them! Very frustrating and clearly this large cup of strong coffee isn't doing the job!

Zoey came home at 5 last night. Oh my gosh, what am I in for! She has to be confined to a small pen in our living room, and not lick her surgery site, and blah blah blah. So...Riley and I slept with her, in her pen! SHE WAS UP ALL NIGHT, NO JOKE! Everytime I dozed off, I'd wake up and she would be sitting up, wide awake...and she even broke free twice! Nothing like having her undo her overpriced knee surgery!!!

Potty breaks and her doggy ramp are a whole 'nother story! Last night was actually right up there with sleepless nights at Children's (at least Kyle sleeps and doesn't try to escape...at least not that I know of)!

Kyle...oh ya speaking of of Kyle. He is doing GREAT today! Very little complaints on the back and still working on his GIGANTIC Gatorade I bought him to keep him hydrated!

Thank you soooo much for the CONGRATULATIONS on Kyle! I feel like I am literally walking on air! Yes JenJames, I actually feel like I can breathe again!

Time to relieve Tyler of Zoey duty...she is way high maintenance...almost as Riley beat! LOL!

Much love and jugs of coffee....

Denise

Hey, we are almost at 30,000 visitors...pretty awesome!


Thursday, March 1, 2007 10:08 AM CST

WHERE TO BEGIN...OH KYLE'S BONE MARROW IS IN "SOLID" REMISSION!

Those words, spoken by Kyle's oncologist late yesterday were music to my ears!!!

We arrived at clinic five minutes early. We sat and sat and sat in the waiting room. Of course, I struck up conversation with the teenager and his mom waiting patiently next to us (I can't sit for five minutes with my mouth shut)! They are from Nebraska and travel that great distance to get treated here at our Children's. He was diagnosed with ALL last November...what a nice kid he is!

Finally, they call our name and off we go. Height, weight, blood pressure. We thought we were finally moving along when they plopped us into a chair and told us the "propofal rooms are all full and just wait here until a room opens up!" Plop we did...and we sat and sat and sat.

Mom caught up with us...she had delivered delicious food up to the fifth floor (food which spilled all over me when we were loading up my truck so I smelled off shredded pork sandwichs...which was not good cause Kyle and I hadn't eaten since LAST NIGHT!!! Kyle can't eat, I don't eat! Ok, so I did sneak a cup of coffee).

So as we sat and sat and sat, I noticed the time. It was 1:40 and his procedure was SUPPOSED to be at 2. I then said rather loudly (I mean we were plopped next to the schedulers) "I'm not exactly sure why they want us here 45 minutes before the procedure!" Now, they all know me and we all just love and adore one another BUT they have these "floating" nurses who diddle daddle and find no urgency in getting things moving along...these are the nurses that take all of Kyle's vitals and place us in a room (at their leisure)!

I then did the traditional HINT HINT, stand up with my purse and stand where I can STARE down the hallway with the look (the look of "we've been waiting, remember us?")!

I then went down the hallway and saw with my own two eyes, two rooms cleaned and sitting OPEN! Grrr!

As I turned around I saw the smiling face of Dr. Albano and a student. She was in a great mood and smiling and chatty with us and I think I killed the moment by saying, "so why are we sitting out here for 50 minutes waiting for a room?" She said, "what time is his procedure?" I then told her in 5 minutes (I love a woman with authority), she took care of it and we were in our room within seconds.

Now our rooms are always the party rooms. Every nurse who knows us comes in and chats with us (ok my update is getting long) and it makes us feel good to be so loved! Nurse Sally then remarked, "I keep asking Dr. Albano when you are officially off therapy but she has no answer for me, so ask her when she comes in!" Within seconds she was in..."so Dr. Albano, when might little Kyle here be off therapy!" She told me Sally thought April. I said, "well let's see, he relapsed on May 18th of 2004 (who could forget that date) so we are coming up on 3 years!" She said, "well I guess he is off May 18th of 2007 then!" (just like that, matter of fact). I said, "well then does this make it his last sleepy room or are you going to do one when he is offically off therapy?" She smiles that reassuring smile and says, "well let's do this, let's add a bone marrow aspiration to todays procedure and call it good!" Oh my gosh...I'm so glad she didn't tell me that awhile ago or I'd have been sick for a month worrying about it (which reminds me that worrying doesn't change a thing now does it?)!

Kyle went to sleepy room and was sleeping in the recovery area. I was downing a cold and soggy but ever delicious shredded pork sandwich when I heard the infamous high heels coming down the hallway (click click click). Peeking around the corner was Dr. Albano with a glass tube in her hands and she was rocking it back and forth between thumb and forefinger, "come here!" she says to me! GULP! I just ate please please please don't make me barf now!!!

She showed me the blood streaked clear fluids that she just retreived from my little boy. She said, "see that stuff in there sticking to the sides of the tube?" GULP GULP! "uh yes!" (can I barf now!?!?). She proceeds to tell me while still rocking the little tube back and forth, "this is a GREAT thing, you do not get those unless you are in good solid remission!"! She then took it to review under a scope and I sat back down and relayed the information to mom, who was also waiting patiently for the news.

Kyle finally woke up, we received his counts and instructions for the month. "Come back in two weeks to check counts (it's never the full month like they say when you start maintenance), we are going to put him on 100 percent of his 6mp and leave him at 75 percent of his methotrexate. Start steroids...any questions!"

Typically that is followed with a "no" but I said, "we are just waiting for Dr. Albano to review his slide under the scope!" And within minutes she was there...with slide in hand in a nice container for me to KEEP forever and ever! "Good solid remission!" My heart did a big happy dance and she smiled and hugged me. I know she too is very relieved and happy to say those words to me!

What a beautiful day, February 28th of 2007...I won't forget it and those words will stick with me for a lifetime!

We left later than we wanted but with news like that, who the heck cares!

We then stopped off at Petsmart to get Zoey a dog ramp for the truck and house. I was supposed to pick her up by 5 from her TPLO (knee) surgery. I called the vet to be sure we could get her and I'm glad I did! Zoey could not come home, she isn't recovering as fast or as well as they liked. She won't stand up, she won't move...she's in A LOT of pain (ok who the heck wouldn't be, they just cut her leg open and put a HUGE metal plate and screws into her bones)! Anyhoo...they just put a pain patch on her and are keeping her another night! I'm so sad, I bet my baby girl is in terrible pain. I mean according to the dog chart in the office she's 72 years old...! Now I second guess my decision to put her through this. The kids are sad she isn't home...her bed is empty and I'm sad too (of course the kitty isn't cause he is sacked out, sprawled over Zoey's new bed)!

I'm nervous, my heart is pittering as I need to call the vet and check on her! Hopefully today she can come home and be comfy! I know "she's just a dog" but please include her in some prayers. I'd clone her if I could, she's amazing and very special to us (even voted best dog in the neighborhood so she is special to many people)!

So with that news...I am walking on clouds! Kyle is in good solid remission! Whoo hoo! And I have an offical off therapy date of May 18th. I now have to work on getting him a very special "off therapy AGAIN" gift! He wants a 4 wheeler...hmpf!

Thank you so much for all of your continued support and love...our journey is far from over but yesterday was tremendous news to my ears! I saw in Dr. Albano's eyes that it was tremendous for her too! I've spent a long time being *scared* and *nervous* that it will come back AGAIN but after yesterday, I feel good for once. I know it's possible it will return once again but I'm not going there...not today!

Much love and happiness to all of you...and big fat sloppy kisses!

Denise

New photos in the album as well! The one above is Kyle sleeping after his procedures. He's even cuter when he's sleeping (if that's possible)!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 9:46AM

Who ordered MORE snow!?

Yes, it's snowing AGAIN! Not sure who ordered more snow, but I know it wasn't me. My fingers are tingling as I just shoveled for a half an hour and it looks like I didn't! I thought maybe if I shoveled, the driveway was wet enough that it would melt what else fell to the ground...but NOPE! So much for that theory!

The vet called yesterday around 5 to tell me that Zoey was awake from surgery and was just sitting there looking like she had one too many to drink. I'm supposed to pick her up today as long as we aren't tied up at the hospital too late. Poor baby girl, her bed is all set up for her...!

Kyle and I went into school today so he could be in class pictures this year. Now we are trying to NOT talk about food and how HUNGRY he is...his procedure isn't until 2 this afternoon, I just think that is mean to schedule it so late!

Riley is going on a play date after school and Ty is having a friends grandpa pick him up. I think I have everyone covered!

I'll keep you posted on his result...yes, I have that little *ick* in my tummy that I think is called *nerves*! I THINK this is his last spinal and bone marrow with chemotherapy! I hope to have more answers on his off therapy date today! Ok, typing that gave my *nerves* a huge jolt!

Thanks for stopping in...lots of prayers for a smooth day for us, continued remission, and great counts!

Denise

Ugh, I just realized I'm going to have to lug my 110 pound dog out to have potty breaks in this weather...who ordered more snow anyway!?!?!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 4:03 PM CST

Bad Mom Award?

Ok, this is clearly not as bad as the time Kyle broke his wrist in TWO places and I didn't get it xrayed for 5 days (thanks for reminding me JenJones) BUT it could be close.

So Kyle had the sinus issue and sore throat. Three weeks ago, the oncologist put him on 3 weeks of Augmentin. They are HUGE pills and they are chewable and Kyle HATED them. WELL...had I followed Drs orders, he would be done with them tomorrow. But noooo! Last week, he felt much better so I took him off a week early (ok I know we are all guilty of this at some point in time, maybe not so with your cancer child but still)! But let me make an excuse real quick, when he had that upset stomach last week...I blamed the Augmentin and took him off since his throat was better!

Yesterday, I picked him up from school. We had dinner at Red Robin and he complained his throat hurt. We went to the movies to see A Night In the Museum and his throat still hurt (although sometimes I really do think he is a tad bit dramatic) but anyhoo...I got him a slushy and he was happy or so I thought!

By the time we pulled into the garage he was in tears, so needless to say, I put him back on the leftover Augmentin. He stayed home from school today and has his spinal tap aka *sleepy room* tomorrow. I am terrified to confess my actions to his oncologist but I think I am going to have too...with my tail between my legs! I know Natalie, I'm not a doctor but sometimes I feel like one...!

Kyle stayed home today...imagine that! He hasn't complained too much but I'm sure when we run out of Augmentin he will...!

I also took Zoey into the vet this morning. She is my big fat, 110 pound, long haired, sheds like crazy, white German Shepherd. She is getting her ACL surgery on her back leg today (I told you I'd do it)! It's called TPLO if anyone has experienced it and wants to give me advice. She won't be home until tomorrow night...and I'm scared! I bought her a nice orthopedic bed today so she can rest comfortably. I hope she heals well and quickly.

Now I'm staring at the little clock in the corner of my screen thinking it's almost time to pick Riley and Ty up from school. Where did my day go...!?

Thanks Lynn for breakfast this morning...and the chat, it was great seeing you!

Thanks to everyone else for checking on Kyle...

Denise

Monday, February 26, 2007 10:33 AM CST

Ok, so how funny is this?


Myspace Layouts

This morning I have been smiling...maybe it's because all of my kids are in school this morning, or maybe it's because I have a super duper Starbucks coffee in front of me! Or it could be that I checked on all of *my kids* and they seem to be doing well, even PRINCESS ALEXIA is fighting the fight! This certainly makes me happy!

Kyle is counting down until sleepy room, he just get's so excited about it! I wish I could feel the same way he does. Amazing...that's all I can say is he has been so amazing through all of this. He is the glue that holds me together. His smile is enough to melt my heart and reassure me that he is fighting and will continue to fight until he WINS! What an awesome thought!

Off to do "mom" stuff, aka time to take off my mom hat and become the "housecleaner" and "accountant" for a little bit. Not that any of you mom's can relate huh?!?!?!

Thanks for stopping in...all is well today (so far)!

Denise

Saturday, February 24, 2007 11:51 AM CST

Well it's pretty late for me to be up but I guess drinking coffee at 8 pm tends to do that to a person. The kids are tucked nicely into bed and the house is rather quiet. Yes, even my animals are all sleeping!

I sat on my computer, checked on *my kids* and google searched some poems. In middle school and high school (way back in the day...LOL), I used to love to write poems, so I did a search on poems hoping to get inspired again and I found this one. I read it and moved on, but for some reason it continued to stick in my head so I wanted to share it you!

If a child


If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.

By: Amanda Cater

Friday, February 23, 2007 3:44 PM CST

Gotta love Friday

Kyle was home yesterday with a tummy ache. That doesn't surprise me with the amount of pills he has to swallow on Wednesday nights (7 methotrexate, 1 6MP, 1 Melatonin, and two antibiotics)! Who's tummy wouldn't be sick after all that!!?? He looked a bit pale but looked better by last night. He did go to school with no problem today!

Today, I took Ed to the airport to head back to India. I made it to the grocery store and STOCKED up, made it to the chiropractor, and helped Ty with a big report that was due today. Yes, I let him stay home to work on it and we are going to turn it in at 3:30. I am a push over mom but their are typically consequences if you let me down. I'll let you know if he holds up his end of the bargain!

Riley went to school looking pretty. I had my hair braided yesterday so last night it was curly before bed. She decided she wanted curly hair, so we braided hers hair last night and she slept on it. Today, it was wavy...she was ever so blessed with my thin hair (poor girl)!

This weekend seems busy! Tomorrow is an all day scrapbook day at my house. I think we have 6 gals coming over and we scrap ALL DAY LONG, and eat, and drink, and giggle! Sunday is NASCAR...! Hopefully Jimmy won't crash again...

I'm glad Kyle is feeling good. He sure looks good! I have to find a way to pudge him up a bit though, his pants are droopy (he walks around with both hands hiking them up to his chest all night long)!

May...May he should be done. May of 2007! We started this journey (if you want to call it that) in February of 2000, over 7 years ago! Many people think I should be excited or thrilled...I am but boy am I torn into a million different directions. I feel at this point in my life, I need to focus on that ONE DAY AT A TIME that we cancer folks tend to live by! I don't want to see further out and I have to avoid dwelling on the past. I am going to cherish my time with my children...every minute, in good times and bad!

I hope you all have a tremendous weekend, of course...we are also expecting snow! Just as it almost all melted away!

Keep those prayers a comin', Kyle has sleepy room (spinal tap and bone marrow aspiration) on Wednesdsay afternoon! Continued remission and good results would be AWESOME!

Thanks for stopping in on this fantastic Friday...

Denise

Wednesday, February 21, 2007 4:57 PM CST

The sun is shining and I think Oprah doesn't like me!

Let's see...the sun is shining AGAIN today! It's amazing what a little sunshine will do for one's spirits. I'm on Day two of feeling happier, healthier, and better! I think this rules out my living in beautiful Seattle (sniff sniff)!

Now for Oprah...the power of positive thinking is diminishing with each passing SUNNY day. You see, I sent my postcard with 100 words or less explaining why I should go with her to the spa in Arizona and so far not a word. I was under the impression she would notify her picks this week and my phone hasn't rang...boo hoo! Every morning I wake up and check my email, I scan the many emails for the words OPRAH or HARPO...I search through my junk mail to make sure I didn't delete her...NO OPRAH NO HARPO! Well...it's her loss cause I would have been A LOT of fun...and we could have been life long friends! I guess I will just use my spa gift card from Lynn and *pretend* I'm with Oprah!

Hey gals...I love the book exchange idea! I told mom I mention books and you girls are all over me! I was just giving Ed a hard time for getting rid of brand new books, tons of them! He read them once and then they get sold for a dollar at my garage sale! I think if we are all serious here, we should really consider doing a book exchange!!! Awesome idea! Then we can discuss the books once they are read and share them with others who want to read. "I'll mail you mine if you mail me yours" kind of deal! And then when we all go to the spa with Oprah we can talk about them, oh I forgot...I'M NOT INVITED! Hmpf!

Today, I worked on printing many pictures for scrapbooks. I am going to catch up on my children's school albums so I had to reprint party pictures, project pictures, back to school photos...blah blah! Then I had to print off pictures from our trip to Seattle! I sure love Seattle! Maybe if I lived in Seattle and Oprah and I were life long friends...oh wait, she didn't pick me!

Anyhoo...no hard feeling Oprah (I'll only cry until you and your *new* life long friends get back from your spa trip and you air it on television and I can see what I missed out on, then I'll be fine! wink wink!)! Kyle road his little motor scooter over to Tian's to play! Oh my gosh, do you want to see a cancer mom have a heart attack??? I stood in the driveway with a thousand "I love you's" and "call me when you get there" and "look out for cars" and "be careful"! He rode off and as he was about to round the corner I saw him look over his shoulder...YIKES! He did arrive there safely and is supposed to call me before he leaves there...deep breath!

Tonight is a gym night for me...so I better go get some of my stuff done. You know, I was really trying to get in shape so when Oprah saw me at the spa, I'd be hot! Oh well...maybe I should stay home and eat my 10 boxes of Girl Scout thin mints...!!!!

Gosh...have a wild Wednesday...(I think I got that from you ML)!

Hugs...the not going to the spa with Oprah mom!

Denise

Tuesday, February 20, 2007 4:59 PM CST

Tired Tuesday...

I finally made it to the bookstore today, and three hours later I walked out with several books in hand. I had held about 7 books at one point and realized I would not read all of those at once so I put them back. I had to find the right book for my mood, so of course...I started out in the religious section. I combed over many books and Bibles. I ended up with one my friend recommended to me a while back, "Calm My Anxious Heart" (a women's guide to finding contentment)!

Then as I turned around there was the Cooking section. I browsed several cookbooks and books on "Juicing" (which is something I'd like to try in the near future). Juicing for Dummies looked good and had some simple recipes anyway.

On the other side of the book rack were cancer books, prostate books, diabetes books etc. I looked through a few before plopping my butt on the dirty floor in this section. I looked at recipes, flipped through nutrition, saw several books that actually CURE cancer and then picked up a few cancer books written by famous oncologists. My habit is that I go straight to the back section, find the list of "L" words and run my finger along the page until I see the Leukemia section. I then read ALL of the pages listed on Leukemia.

Sometimes, I learn something new...and sometimes I shake my head and agree, "yup knew that, yup that's familiar". I did read one book where the author believes a lack of Vitamin E plays a role in Leukemia. Not sure I heard that one before. I decide not to grab any of these books because right now, who the hell knows what causes Leukemia and/or how to cure it...maybe I should go back to the section on religion and the power of prayer!?

"Oh look, the dog section". I also think in my "spare" time that I am going to MAKE my dogs their meals. LOL! I browsed several of those books until one advised me not to make any dog food until I consult with a professional vetrenarian. Phew...now I can wait to work on that one in my "free" time! I browse a few German Shepherd books and one book caught my eye. This book was on a story I heard about on the news a long time ago. The soldiers in Iraq found a stray puppy and eventually were able to ship him home, "From Baghdad with Love". Yes, I bought that one as my mood felt the need to read it (I'm on page 50 already)!

Off to find the books you all recommended to me. I had my list in hand and began walking that way with my two books in hand. I, of course had to stop in the True Crime section, my major was Criminal Justice so that section always intrigues me. I see a book about a single mom murdered in Cape Cod, and when she was found her toddler daughter was clinging to her. Hmpf...I think I'll grab that one later!

Non-Fiction...I cannot believe how LARGE this section is. I don't want to get distracted so I pull my list out of my purse and start searching for ONLY the books you all recommended. I found each and every one of them and tried to find the right one that fit my mood at the moment. I ended up with "Patty Jane's House of Curl" (same author as Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons, thanks Kim). Again, I added a few to my hands but later put them down. How many books can I read at once???? "The Time Travelers Wife" is on my next purchase list.

Off to the Children's section. I grabbed a few for Riley. In church on Sunday we talked about raising Christian children with knowledge of the Bible and it's the parents job to do this. I didn't see any books that Riley didn't already have or that I found to be a good read for her. I then had a few books for her in my hands and only ended up getting her, "You Are My Love".

Ok...I think I'm done, no Starbucks today...I'm hungry! I head to the register but not without looking at the racks of books along the way. Nothing really caught my eye.

Three hours later and a huge growling tummy, I went to Chipotle and downed a veggie burrito in one gulp (ok so it felt like one big gulp) and came home.

I'll keep you all posted on my reading and it seems this book discussion has many of you chatting, which I love. Keep the recommendations coming...I have my list!

All of the kids made it to school today. I thanked them all last night, we really had a good time the four days they were home. Usually there is some kind of chaos but it was smooth sailing and friend filled! It was good!

Kyle went to Tian's after school, they walk home together so they tend to stop and play for a bit. The poor emotional boy called me in tears four times after school, "I can't find Riley" then "I found Riley and she's with a friend" then a bit more desperate "she thinks she's going to a friends without your permission" and finally, "she's gone and you won't find her". I drove up to the school and he was right, she was gone just as he said. I knew where she was though and one quick phone call to her friends mom and she was back with me in the truck. I should call Kyle and tell him I found her, he was a MESS! He is so sensitive, emotional, and worry filled (is that a word?)! Once he hits panic mode there is no stopping his worried little soul.

Well...I am now having a tired Tuesday, put some Chicken Tortilla soup in the crock pot and am ready to clean. Hey, I have a new drink...this morning I mixed my coffee, hazelnut creamer and hot chocolate shavings (Williams Sonoma) and it was hmmm hmmm good! Try it, you might like it!!!

Thanks for stalking I mean stopping in...

Denise

Monday, February 19, 2007 10:54 AM CST

Merry Monday...

Today is a good day...I'm not sure why, but it is?

Jimmie Johnson CRASHED yesterday at the Daytona 500! Nothing like rushing home from church, watching a race for hours on end, and then he CRASHES! Although, he choked most of the race but that's ok, there are plenty more of those right???

Kyle is doing good still. I went to that Fighting Cancer with a Fork seminar a few weeks back and I have added fish oil to his diet...LOL! They really suggested numerous things for him to be taking but I am always leary of adding things while on treatment. I do know when he is off treatment, I will be adding several things to his diet. He won't be swallowing chemotherapy pills every night but he sure will have a handful of other things to take, poor guy! It's a good thing he is a champion pill swallower!

Today, I'd like to get the boys out of the house a bit and take them to the book store. We also need to go to Best Buy, yup you guessed it, his laptop is once again being serviced. I guess this time it's a loose AC adapter port! Hopefully his laptop will be just like new by the time the warranty expires in June. I'm so glad I purchased that as we've used it often lately!

It seems like a beautiful day today. The weather says 48 degrees and much of the snow piles have melted. I SEE MY LAWN! And we have most of our Christmas decorations down...FINALLY! Yesterday, Riley and Taylor (her buddy across the street) ran around the neighborhood in their bikinis, and I caught them laying out in the driveway on towels. They are 6 and 8...the trouble has offically begun. Two little blonde girls strutting around in bikinis...YIKES!

Thanks again for all of the book suggestions. I have my list and will be heading off today to get some good ones. Ed leaves for India again on Friday so that gives me a good week of late night readings!

Please keep Kyle in all of your prayers...! Yesterday at church the topic was the book of Judges and Heroes. They had Heroes plastered up on the background of the stage and I immediately thought of Kyle...and then most of my cancer families! They are true heroes in this world, they go above and beyond what is expected of them and have a positive influence on everyone they touch! Kyle has taught me many lessons in life...many very important lessons and I know he has taught each of you some too!

Have a super great day!! I know we will!

Much love...
Denise

Sunday, February 18, 2007 9:00 AM CST

Wow...I just need to tell you all about a book and the messages come pouring in, thanks! I have put down My Sisters Keeper for now, upon advice from several of you! I don't think that is something I should induldge in right now! I have written down all of your suggestions and am planning on hitting a Barnes and Noble to get some good books to read.

Kyle has been doing very well. I still think he looks pale but I just keep remembering one of the oncologists telling me that "he looks fine, he's just wearing his winter white color!" His counts have been good (actually great) and I'm going to hold on to that for now! He's been busy playing away and I love to see it. He almost attempted a sleep over for his very first time at Tians house. When he told me about it he said, "but I knew I had to take my pills!" I told him, "oh sweetie, if you want to sleep over there...we can take your pills earlier so you don't have to worry about it!" How sad is that...? 10 and never had a sleep over, and didn't feel he could cause he had to take "his pills!" Although, I really think that he was a bit afraid to stay over there and wanted to use that as an excuse. I find this to be a positive thing though, he is now thinking of sleep overs...this is good!

I took my big fat German Shepherd, Zoey, to the vet Saturday after Pilates. She tore her ACL last year and we had discussed doing a surgery on her (TPLO). It's a very expensive surgery and at the time I was hesitant to do it but now I believe it's time. She is almost 9 years old and much to my surprise she has really put on the pounds, yesterdays weigh in was 109 pounds (in her *prime* she was always a healthy and muscular 90-95, LOL weren't we all so much better in our prime?)! They drew blood and will let me know if she is healthy enough for the surgery on Monday. He feels she is in terrible pain and was shocked at how swollen and terrible her knee felt. He was surprised she used it at all. So...the battle in the Lindgren home is how to pay for it, me the animal lover and Ed would just assume let her live her life in pain (I did remind him that God forbid he blow out a knee)! I was excited the vet offered monthly payments, Ed was appalled I would use "his money" to pay for it as it's "not like she's a child!" Uh ummm...I beg to differ! So, my brain is circulating on how to pay for the surgery...my wedding ring may end up on EBay...keep an eye out for it!!! I think it is "my" ring isn't it?

Yesterday, my truck got a much needed bath and I snuck in a nap. I've been overly tired again and feel like my sinus' are throbbing again! Can we all just be healthy??? The boys played games and Riley was glued to her Webkinz.

Today...I was going to go to the early church service but decided I'd go to the later one, I may miss the beginning of the Daytona 500 but I suppose I can record that! Go Jimmy Go...! So as you all have probably guessed, after church my bottom will be firmly planted on a couch watching NASCAR. I did think maybe I could scrapbook while I watched, at least I might not feel as guilty about watching fast cars circle around and around for hours on end!!!

Tomorrow, no school for the kids. I'm thinking it could be a Barnes and Noble, lunch and movie day!

And what would one of my posts be without lots of prayers requests. This morning Lynn called from Canada, her mom passed away this morning 9am Canada time, she is really going to need strength. Alexia's family just received word that her cancer is being very stubborn and they are hoping to get her to Duke to try a *new* drug, I'm praying it works and she becomes our much needed miracle. My friend Joni and her family need prayers as they spend their final few months with Tom (her husband)and enjoy their *family time*! And of course, my sweet boy Kyle for life long remission and a long, happy, healthy life!

Thanks for stopping in, I'm sure I wrote more than I needed to but I was sitting here in my fuzzy bathrobe Riley bought me at Christmas, my cup of coffee with hazelnut creamer, and my toes sitting on the warm vent!

Enjoy your Sunday...LET'S GO RACIN'!

Denise

Friday, February 16, 2007 4:58 PM MTN

I figure I should update so here I am, sipping coffee filled with hazelnut creamer and watching Tian and Kyle freeze their little butts off running around outside in the cold. The mountains look as though a storm is stirring once again and the wind is gusting and howling against my window as I type.

Today was uneventful, but again...I'll take that! Ty had a friend spend the night, I woke up and went to the gym, brought the kids back some bagels of choice, Ty's friend left and Tian came over. Riley was "bored" (as usual) and so she went to my mom's house to play. Now Kyle and Tian went over to his house to play. The house is quiet, which is a HUGE accomplishement with three big dogs, three cats, and three kids (ok minus two at the moment)!

I started reading another book last night. I've been searching over racks of books at the grocery store and Target and have come up empty handed. I grabbed "My Sisters Keeper" yesterday but am unsure if I want to indulge in it. It's about a girl who has been battling leukemia and the parents had another baby for the purpose of healing their daughter. I'm not sure I should be taking on that challenge right now as I feel as though I'm battling with the *slumps* right now. I have gotten several suggestions of other reads as well (thanks Jen and Kim for thinking of me and my state of mind)!

I'm glad Kyle is doing well. I'm trying my best to be excited for the end of therapy for the SECOND time now. I haven't heard the official words and won't really think about it much more until I hear the words myself from his oncologist. I'm scared yet I have faith. And I, of all people, know it's one day at a time. I feel very blessed to have Kyle and have him doing so well right now. I know God is telling me that he will be ok yet that little tiny space in the way back of my mind, the one that sits dark and empty with cobwebs, holds the little "what if" part of me...! The part I wish would go away but that little tiny pill I take at night and the little glass of wine I like to have still do not erase that hidden part of my brain that I find myself wishing would go away.

Living the life of a cancer mom is a TOUCH road. It's one of the hardest journeys I can ever imagine being a part of. I feel like the picture that hangs over my bed, a country road, in black and white, with big old trees lining the dirt path on one side and an open space on the other. The dirt road takes a turn, a slight bend in the road and the picture ends...and every day I look at that picture and wonder "where does that road lead?" I know where I want it to lead but does it go there...nothing is guaranteed and nothing is certain, we just have to trust in the Lord...trust that He will guide us along that road in a way that He finds best for us. We don't know what each of our roads hold for us, so we must trust in the Lord and have faith!

I know my little dirt road has had lots of twists, turns and bends, hills to climb, and slopes to slide down. I try my best to stay on the road that I have been given, I hold on with one hand at times getting careless and sometimes I have two hands on the wheel with white knuckles holding on for dear life. I've made many mistakes in my life but I take those as many lessons learned and I keep trucking down my own dirt road. In times of storms and in times of sunny days...I will take that road which God has chosen for me and thank Him for each and every day He has given me.

Somedays, the road is just bumpier than others but just know that I will keep hanging on!

Enjoy your weekend...! I hope it is filled with sunshine no matter where you are today!

Denise

Thursday, February 15, 2007 11:18 AM CST

Hello...

I spent almost an hour trying to find a way to decorate Kyle's page today. I think I need to find a faster method. As you can tell, I have to change stuff all the time since I look at this page every day (as do many of you)!

Today is a cold and quiet day for me. I am going to spend the afternoon watching NASCAR (what a surprise huh?) I am excited for Daytona Race on Sunday too (Go Jimmie Johnson go!)! Mom just told me they are looking at getting a track here, just outside of Denver...I think you all might know where to find me if that happens!

Anyhoo...nothing really to report today! Kyle is at school as are the others. They have a four day weekend starting tomorrow so I am thinking I may take them to see "Night at the Museum" and off to some lunch or something!

Thanks for stopping in...sorry I don't have much to report but no news is good news right???

Denise

New photos is album from Kyle's Valentines Day party...!

VALENTINES DAY 2007!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

What a great morning! Kyle came downstairs with a small gift box for me. I was on the computer and he came in and said, "Happy Valentines Day mommy" and handed it to me. He then gave me a huge hug! I opened it up and it was the most beautiful ring I have EVER seen! It's a diamond (ok crystal)solitare heart ring that is about a carat and a half on a gold band. I LOVE IT!

I asked when he got it for me and he said, "remember back at Christmas when we had the student store at school and we could buy Christmas presents for our family? I got it then!" Tears filled my eyes and my heart was filled with joy...I replied, "you bought it then and hung on to it for Valentines Day for me?" He shook his sweet little head "yes" and I gave him a huge kiss and hug! What a sweet boy, what an amazing little boy. The ring is on my finger and it won't come off (ok maybe when I shower so it doesn't turn green and icky)! Happy Valentines Day to me today...wow, what a gift!

I then gave the kids their chocolate candy I picked out a while ago and gave them each a new Webkinz. They immediately started to register and play with them! If you don't have one yet, you need one...my 14 year old picked them out yesterday. Riley got one for Christmas and they have been a HUGE hit in our home...obviously so if Ty and Kyle each wanted one! Check them out, I almost want one! It's a great gift...!

Today, I must shower (I know shocking), head to the new Super Walmart and hut down red hots for Riley's classroom party! Then it's off to the school to have pizza lunch with both of my kids and enjoy their classroom parties.

Ty's mouth hurt a bit today from the braces. He was a bit nervous to go to school and told me he wasn't going to talk all day...I highly doubt that!

Thanks for stopping in...it's already been a tremendous day for me! I'm one happy mom! I hope your day is also filled with lots of love and diamonds (LOL)!

Thanks for stopping in...

Denise


Tuesday

An uneventful but ok with that kind of day!

This morning I woke up, took Riley and Kyle to school, and then took Tyler to get his braces on. I must say, I think he looks handsome (ok I'd love for him to do something different with that long hair he is sporting but otherwise, he still looks handsome)!

After the braces, we went to lunch and bought him some new shoes. I had a *Tyler Day* and it was very nice. We don't usually have those and most of my last seven years have been Kyle, Kyle, Kyle and some Riley. Not much Tyler time and we had fun. We went to Sharper Image and sat in their massage chairs for about a half an hour. We walked the mall a bit...and then...his mouth hurt. We had to go home so he could get some Tylenol in him (you'd think ME of all people would have Tylenol in my over sized doctors bag, I mean purse but nope)!

Kyle went to Tian's after school, and I have to say...I think Tian still loves him to pieces. I picked Kyle up from Tian's around 6 and as soon as he got in the truck his phone rang...and I hear him saying, "umm I'm just leaving your house!" Very cute...and his ring tone is now "Can't Touch This"...

Riley and I had to make a mad dash to the grocery store in search of Red Hots and vanilla frosting (NO PEANUTS)...which took a bit of searching but we found the frosting! I guess tomorrow morning I better find the red hots for their classroom Valentine party!

I can't believe tomorrow is Valentines Day! Time is just flying isn't it!? Two more weeks until Kyle has sleepy room and I'm already nervous. I think his antibiotics have been working so far (of course I know Jameson just had the same problem and she appears to be sick again, sorry Marion as I know how you must feel)!

I haven't picked up a new book yet. I sat and read Luke out of the Bible last night. I've read it before but thought I'd read it again...! Thank you for the suggestions I've received today, I'll have to check them out. Nothing like a good romance novel to keep me going huh?

Gee, I didn't think I had much to type tonight...and look at me, ramble ramble ramble!

I think I have to go help Kyle do his Valentine cards. I was shocked to see he now has 27 kids in his class, that's a big class! I'm sure he should have lots of homework as well, he missed all last week being sick! I don't know how he is surviving it, he's so particular about his grades, being on time, being clean, following rules...I'm shocked he ISN'T freaking out. I think it's great as I have always said, "health comes first!"

On that note...my eyes are sleepy, I'm yawning away and I have lots to do before I can go rest!

Thanks for stopping in...Marion, I hope Jameson feels better soon and you aren't sitting in a hospital right now! Lynn, love you to pieces and send my love to your family! Aunt Betty...get well and never stop *believing*! Joni...my prayers are still rolling for you and your family!

Ok Ok....good night (Kim do I sound like someone you know...uh ummm yourself maybe???)

Denise

Monday, February 12, 2007 6:36 PM CST

Good friends and good books!

I have come to the conclusion in my 37 (almost 38) years of living that these two things are A MUST! Both of which have kept me completely sane these last few years of my life!

When times are hard, sad, or lonely...call a good friend or grab a good book!

I've now read three books in the last month. Three books! That's the most books I've read probably in the last three years. I *love* books...I like books more than television shows or movies (no commercials and no waiting a week to find out what happens...like Meredith falling into the water).

A good book is addicting, I get so sucked up into the lives of "my people". The last two books, I've cried, I find myself smiling and even giggling...I can't put the book down.

One night, I was up until 2:30 am telling myself "one more chapter and I'll go to bed" and then it turns into two or three more chapters. This morning, I had to know what was going to happen to my girl, the kids were ALL in school, nobody would know I crawled back into bed to read (ok so the dogs and cats knew but who the heck would they tell?) "I should take a shower but if I read one more chapter I'll have a better idea of what will happen...*then* I'll take a shower." Todays hairdo is *bed head*...compliments of my shower, and wet hair...I need to read "just one more chapter" and I'll be complete...one more chapter turned in to my wet hair drying smashed against my pillow but I finished my book! And now...I feel like I HAVE to go get another book...like I'm a crack addict or something..."must get more!" I feel out of control! Now my logical side is thinking I'm just severly depressed with my life so I have to *escape* into somebody elses that most likely has a better outcome! Or maybe with my crazy life, I could just write my own book and make lots of money and make up my own ending. There's a thought!

And then that's where the good friends come in. Today, I got a phone call from my sweet Lynn. (Lynn's mom if you remember is terminal with cancer up in Canada) Lynn has been back and forth non-stop for a few weeks now. She returned home Saturday night with her two boys and she is heading back up alone tomorrow indefinetly...and to top off her very difficult times, she called to tell me "it's time" to put her sweet dog of 11 years to sleep. Bailey has had bouts of cancer herself and yesterday had three seizures. She is returning to Canada tomorrow and didn't want to leave Bailey suffering or to die alone. A good friend, I drove to the vet to meet her. We sat for an hour as we held Bailey and cried. We hugged, held hands, I rubbed her back and we talked about Bailey and how she's been through a lot with Lynn. We talked about life and death, and how she truly is in a better place! She kept saying, "boy is my mom going to be surprised when she get's to heaven and sees you Bailey!" I think we used a whole box of Kleenex.

A good friend, through thick and thin...sharing tears and hugs! In good times and bad, life and death, ups and downs...there was no way I was not going to be there for her! Heck, a good friend even shares a good book...and so I gave her the one that I just finished today! I told her the secret to *reading* is escaping life for a little bit and she can read it on the plane to Canada tomorrow!

Ok...a good friend, a good book, and a good cup of coffee that's all we need!

Oh you came to read about Kyle didn't you..? I'm trying to read through my blur filled contacts (too many tears)! He went to school today and he appeared to have a good day, except Tian was out today. I was sad for him cause he thinks Tian isn't that "into him" anymore...I think he's wrong, Kyle just missed a whole week of school! He will feel differently when Tian smothers him tomorrow.

He seems to be feeling MUCH better. A little run down but better. I was going to take him to see "A Night in the Museum" tonight but I had to be there for Lynn. So I think I may take them Friday...the kids have a four day weekend! I want to spend time with them...they grow so fast and before I know it, here comes college and spouses and grandchildren...YIKES! Hey do women have midlife crisis' too? I think we do but we don't run out and buy Porsches or Corvettes though...we just re-evaluate our lives and cry a lot!

Next hospital visit is "sleepy room" on February 28th. I don't think Kyle has to be there until 1:15, which is a bummer with that no eating stuff but he loves sleepy room and it might be the last one that he get's that yucky chemo injected into his spine! Yippee!

So my prayer list continues...

Please continue to pray for my Aunt Betty who is recovering from her surgery and getting ready to have a port put in so she can start chemotherapy.

Pray for Lynn as she deals with the loss of her "side kick" Bailey and as she heads to Canada tomorrow to be with her mom until she passes on to be with Bailey.

Please pray for my girlfriend Joni as she and her husband just received word that his melanoma is now terminal. They just had to tell their two young children that daddy is going to pass away soon.

Please pray for all of *my cancer kids* as they continue to battle the beast...

and PLEASE continue to pray for my handsome devil Kyle to stay in remission forever and ever!

Thanks for stopping in...

Your friend,
Denise

By the way...thanks to Jen, Susie, Carrie, Nikki, and mom for preparing food and gifts for the inpatient oncology children yesterday. Jen, Susie, Riley, and mom...thanks for going down there with me to distribute things and meet some of the most amazing and strongest children I will ever know!

Friday, February 9, 2007 10:02 AM CST

Let me start out with, they think it's a sinus infection

I know several of you were worried right along side of me. I took Kyle in at 11:30 am and after a CBC, height and weight, a throat swab, and an examination...the conclusion for now is that it is most likely a sinus issue. They could do scans and x-rays but I opted for three weeks of augmintin (antibiotics). We left clinic just after 1 pm. His counts still look amazingly well and no news on the swab but I'm guessing it was not strep or they would have called me.

I then had to go to the grocery store to fill up on food (he has to eat with meds or he will get the runs...lucky Kyle)! And I had to fill his new meds. My local Safeway didn't have the right dosage so I then had to head over to another Safeway (who then had trouble entering his new insurance card so it took me 20 minutes for that to work)!

I had to pick the kids up from school, feed them some food, and off to a seminar on Cancer and nurtition. I was done just after 8:30 pm, returned home, Stephanie and Keoki made me a very delicious salmon dinner and we all plopped on the couch and watched Grey's! I cannot believe we have to wait another week for Meredith to be rescued, and isn't McDreamy so sweet to her!?!?!

Anywho, then I gave Kyle his first dose of meds, tucked the kiddos in, and read a book until I couldn't keep my eyeballs open any longer.

Kyle is home again today...he should be ready to go Monday is my hope! I have scrapbooking tonight and tomorrow and I am looking forward to it, I NEED to take my mind off of life for at least the next 48 hours.

I received news that my Aunt Betty's cancer was a bit worse than they anticipated and therefore she will undergo a more aggressive chemotherapy treatment. My friend Joni and her husband just found out that his melanoma has spread to his brain and this is not any news they really anticipated, Dean passed away suddenly, Alexia relapsed and they are trying to get her into remission and back to Duke, Zay had some troubles but seems to be rounding the corner, Matthew and Nancy are a wreck with the passing of Dean, and my little Jordan is admitted at our Children's in attempt to still get her into remission....

thus my desire to escape for at least the next 48 hours!

I thank you all so much for your kind words, when I am down and out...your entries make me feel SOOO much better! And thanks for all the advice on braces...I still cannot picture Ty in braces! I have my *girlie* stuff on Tuesday so Stephanie is going to take Ty to his appointment at 9:45 and after my appointment (which is across the street at 9:15), I will meet them over there. I'll take TONS of photos to share!

Off to the gym and prepare for a weekend of scrappin'!

PRAY, PRAY, PRAY...for all of those battling their cancer (and my does it seem like so many), pray for Kyle's continued remission, and for my sanity...!

Thanks for checking in on us...I love you all as you strengthen me and lift me up!

Denise

Thursday, February 8, 2007 9:49 AM CST

Not sure what to type...I feel like I am running on empty!

Kyle is still sick. His throat is hurting him a lot, even after 10 days of antibiotics, even after 5 days of steroids, even after two doctors have looked at his throat and say "it looks fine"! His face is puffy (could be steroids, could be throat swelling)! I called his nurse yesterday who told me to take him back to his family doctor. Well...we didn't get him in. He has asked me for two days to take him to Children's, and this morning, I have a call into Sally to bring him in there. I HATE when he *asks* to go there, then I know it's not good! My stomach sinks and I want to get ill. He doesn't have a fever, which I believe is a good thing (yikes he just hollared down to ask if Sally called back yet, and she has not)!

Let's see...I had my *girl* appointment on Tuesday. I have to take a medication for a bacteria (over sharing?) and then I had to go to a lab for bloodwork. My doctor wants to check my thyroid. I then have to go back next Tuesday for an actual annual and an ultrasound. The good news I suppose is that she didn't detect anything unusual upon my check up Tuesday. Hmpf...the joys of being FEMALE!

Ty get's his braces on Tuesday morning. He is less than excited and thinks he will be in pain for a day. Not sure if that's what he *heard* at school...! I've never had braces so I can't nix that theory for him (ML any idea?)!

So needless to say, I'm down in the dumps with Kyle not feeling well...and sooo much bad news with my cancer kids. Just caught word another boy passed away, DEAN and it was rather fast and unexpected. Dean relapsed with his ALL for a second time and they were trying to get him ready for a transplant. I just can't figure out what is going on in the cancer world...!

Things are not good for me right now...but I must go call the hospital AGAIN to see if I can get him in! Not sure what they will do...and I'm sick and I hate worrying and I hate cancer!

I will keep you all posted...please PRAY!

Denise

Tuesday, February 6, 2007 10:46 AM CST

Wow...I spent almost two hours playing with Kyle's website and surfing the internet for *new* and *cute* ideas. Think I don't have anything better to do??? This morning is a quiet one, this afternoon is appointment filled. No appointments for Kyle though...mommy and Ty. I have that much loved *girlie* appointment and Ty has an ortho appointment. Next week...BRACES!

Kyle is home today with tummy aches. Yes Michelle, I gave him Senna with the stinky vincy...then he was runny so I stopped and now, the dreaded belly aches! He looks good, his tummy just hurts!

Last night was an interesting night for me. We had Ty's orientation at Broomfield High School! He is attending Broomfield High School next year, which means I will have an offical high school student, which means I am offically feeling old.

I had a great time listening to them talk about classes, how many credits they need to graduate, what classes are required, and as I was listening...I scanned the room wondering which of the girls Ty would end up dating or worse...MARRYING! "is his future wife sitting amongst us?" High school...dating, grades, partying, trouble, fun, dances, sporting events, KISSING, underage drinking...oh my gosh!!! What does the next four years hold in store for us!?!?!?! This is where you hope all that you taught them is embedded in their brains...this is where you hope you have good communication and a great relationship with him. WOW...high school!

Riley, Kyle and I made it to the doctor yesterday. Riley has a sinus infection and I love our doctor as he handed over a box of samples that would make her "sleep like a baby" and guess what, I took some too and "slept like a baby!" I know I slept like a baby when I didn't wake up once to PEE!!!

On that note...Kyle wants some corndogs so I must go make them, remember it's steroid week???

Thanks for stopping in...!

Denise

Monday, February 5, 2007 9:47 AM CST

Ahhh...a calm, quiet Monday morning for now!

The weekend really seemed to buzz by this time even though it was rather uneventful. I accomplished some scrappin', the kids played, went to Pilates, had a short visit with Lynn, went to church, hunted down Jimmy Johnsons race car with no luck, played with kids, and watched the Super Bowl. Ok that didn't sound to uneventful did it?

As far as the hunting Jimmy Johnsons car down...so MOST of you should know by now that I am a HUGE JJ fan (NASCAR, not the NFL old man!)! Well rumor circulated to me that his race car would be at the new Lowe's way the heck in Eastern Brighton. So after church, I took my camera and headed way the heck out to eastern Brighton...tracked down the new Lowes, drove around the parking lot like a little girl with a high school crush *looking* for his #48 trailer or his car or something....NOPE! It wasn't there! Then I was slightly embarassed to admit I drove around *stalking* his car! Oh well....

Kyle is ok, I think the steroids kicked in last night cause he was searching for snacks. On our way home from watching the football game, we stopped off for some french fries for him. This morning he ate cold pizza for breakfast too. Today is his last day of steroids but it's nice to see a little pudge on him.

I also gave little Miss. Riley some steroids. I thought she was going to stop breathing Saturday night when seh was sleeping. Now being the nurse that I am not but think I am...I started her on some steroids (I mean that's what they did last time)!

Last night was horrible. I tried to go to bed early for once...9:30, and she was up all night coughing and at one point had me go to the bathroom with her cause she thought she would throw up. I am exhausted and I'm sure she is. So this morning I told her she should probably stay home cause she will be sleepy all day, but mentioned the *bonus* of staying home would be a round trip ticket to the doctors office. YIKES...guess who went to school today!? I don't know if watching Kyle endure so much for the last 7 years has scared the pants off her but when a six year old would rather go to school than stay home and make a quick doctor trip happens...there might be something wrong???

Hey guess what??? As I typed that *7 year comment*, I realized on February 2nd it was offically 7 years since Kyle's first diagnosis....February 2nd of 2000! Holy moly, I thought that when that anniversary hit that I'd be a depressed tangle of a mess and it passed without my knowledge. Is that an accomplishment or what? I thought I'd spend that day with the covers over my head and depressed...and I wasn't. I don't even remember what I did Friday...! Whoo hoo...way to go mommy!

Well...I am attempting to force myself to the gym this morning. Last night in bed (when it sounded easy and I was snuggled nicely under my gobs of covers to keep me warm from this bone chilling weather), I decided that I'd drag my lazy butt to the gym, do 45 mintues on the eliptical and 15 minutes of abs and call it good. Now sitting here, drinking my coffee in my pj's and messy hair...staying home sounds good too! That's no way to tone up is it? I should go work off that Super Bowl food that I devoured up! Ok, I've almost convinced myself to go....

Thanks for stopping in...please send some prayers for forever remission for Kyle!

Much love,
Denise

Friday, February 2, 2007 9:43 AM CST

News of yet another relapse, I'm sure many of you remember SWEET WARRIOR PRINCESS ALEXIA from South America. Her family found out Wednesday that she indeed has relapsed again...please pray for her to get into remission so they may try another bone marrow transplant at Duke! How earth shattering as my heart breaks for them during this very difficult time!


-4...NEGATIVE 4...MINUS 4 DEGREES OUT

What in the world is going on...my truck said it's -4??? Where do I live??? It is arctic out! I told the kids last night that I was waiting for penguins to start walking by! My garage door is frozen and won't close, my neighbors truck looks so frozen with icicles dangling down, my windshield is cracked...and my TEENAGE son didn't wear a coat, sweatshirt or *hoodie* to school today, not even a long sleeved shirt. I am so getting told on and child protective services will probably call me today! -4...and the mountains look like they churning up another big storm. I heard on the news that it's been 7 storms in 7 weeks! Will we ever thaw out (which makes me then think in the spring we will have HUGE sprinkler issues I'm sure...gosh I never stop worrying do I?)!?

Kyle and Riley had teacher conferences yesterday. They went very well and were student lead. I think Kyle needs to work on his writing skills, although I think Riley does a bit too. They are both great at Math (clearly didn't get that from me)! It was fun to have them guide me through what they have been learning while in school. Riley appeared very proud of all that she can do! Kyle was a tad bit shy...! And of course, more stories of how Tian just adores Kyle and misses him terribly when he's not there. I just heard that Tian bangs his head on his desk when Kyle's gone...! I know that he tells me he *prays* at Kyle's desk all the time...such a caring, sweet 4th grader!

Not much going on this weekend. I guess we are just going to stay warm...which isn't a bad idea! And of course, we will watch the Super Bowl...we will have to look for Melissa (Baby D's mom) as she was given tickets to the Big game (huge Colts fan) and she is going to have a HUGE bulletin board of Baby D! So watch for her!

Prayers are still needed and today I need to include my Aunt Betty in New York who had to have a hysterectomy Tuesday due to cancer. She will also have to undergo 6 months of chemotherapy. She's a beautiful woman and she's one of the toughest I know!

A few weeks ago I had another Aunt (Aunt Marie) undergo surgery and she is currently at home recovering. So please pray for her too!

Of course remember Lynn as she goes through her mom's cancer for the next month or two, all of my little and big cancer kiddo's and most importantly my hero Kyle Ray...the handsome devil that he is!

Thanks for stopping in...stay warm where ever you may be as I think it's nasty every where, ok maybe not Hawaii!

Much love...

Denise

Wednesday, January 31st at 9:10 AM

UPDATE at 9:27 PM

Counts are in, I got them at 6 as I was heading out the door for the gym (didn't want to go HAD to go)!

White Blood Count - 5.2
Hemoglobin - 12.3
Platelets - 282,000
ANC - (drum roll AGAIN) 3800

Oh my gosh...Kyle's counts are all NORMAL...wowee, thank you Lord! I think it's been OVER three years since we have seen a taste of normal, if it weren't so late I'd pop the champagne (ok maybe not!)

What is going on here...two weeks of super counts?!? Power of prayer, green tea capsules or should I be worried? Bad counts worry me, great counts worry me...what a vicious, never ending cycle.

Speaking of *never ending*, Kyle's nurse told me that the end may be near. He may be done by May....whoo wee! She said, "I was looking at his road map today, man it's been another 3 years. I thought to myself, wow Kyle has had a lot of years of chemotherapy. And his road map...a lot of seriously hard chemotherapy!" Ding ding...welcome to my world (wink wink)!

So she asked Dr. Albano who informed her that he should be done by May. Now, I'd like to hear that for myself...but I'll give it some more time!

With such amazing counts, he is remaining on 75 percent of his medications and we don't have to go back to Children's again for a whole month. Of course, I am knocking on wood that nothing should arise for the next month and we can actually have a bit of a break! Pray with me would you please?!?!

I also found out today that one of my sweet girls (not going to say names just in case) has over 40 percent blasts and things aren't looking good. She was diagnosed with Kyle, relapsed shortly after Kyle, and relapsed again this past October. I was told at that time that she would be heading to bone marrow transplant after the holidays. They got some awful news yesterday that they cannot get her in remission for the transplant, that her cancer has become very aggresive although they may have one last option. My heart breaks for them...I left her mom a message today but haven't heard back from her. She is just a bit younger than Kyle...we've been down this road for 7 years together! I'm so sad!

I also got to see my sweet Gia Campo today. She was in for a check up with Dr. Albano. Everyone knows how close we all got when Kyle relapsed...I hadn't seen them since her transplant, she looked so cute and grown up for a 4 year old (I think she's 4 now)! Amazing since she was given a 1 percent survival rate at her 2nd birthday!

Riley and Kyle have the next two days of school off for teacher conferences so tomorrow we have a date. I begged the kids to go see Charlotte's Web with me...so we are off to an early movie and lunch! I can't wait!

Tonight...I pray for my girlfriend Lynn as she just received word that her mom's cancer reared it ugly head and has taken over most of her body. Her mom is in the hospital in Canada (with family by her side) as they attempt to keep her comfortable until she too earns her angel wings (hate cancer)! I pray for my cancer families as they continue to battle, I pray for those that have lost their loved ones to stinkin' cancer...and I pray for Kyle's counts to continue in a positive direction and that we have little to no side effects with todays chemo (hey thanks Michelle for reminding me about the POOP problems, I'll nip those stinkers in the bud too!)!

Kyle's next appointment is February 28th for a "sleepy room" visit....!

Thanks for visiting! Time to bury my head in a book, it's almost done and it's another juicy one! LOL!

Denise

New photos in our album...these were from todays clinic visit. Still waiting for the call on his counts

GUESS WHAT? IT'S SNOWING...AGAIN

I knew I'd wake up with snow on the groung but I certainly didn't think it would be coming out of the sky AGAIN! I did watch the news last night, at least part of it, and they said TWO MORE ROUNDS! Yikes, when will it EVER end!?!? I feel as though we are living in Wisconsin! At least if I lived there, I'd expect this but HERE, where is the sunshine and my grass...?

The kids are doing well. Ty (of all days) rode his bike to school today. Riley and Kyle are going to both get out early as I decided to take Riley to the hospital with us. Kyle has stinky vincy (vincristine) at 1:30. I hope it all goes well today...I am dreading side effects as we chug along his road map, they seem to just get worse!

I wonder if I'll ever have an idea of when he is *OFF TREATMENT*. I ask but nobody seems to know or I get told they have to look at his protocol. Hmpf...! May 18th will be three more years...c'mon everybody. Of course, I contradict myself because part of me is ready to be done but part of me is sick thinking about it! Maybe they will just tell us one day and then we will be pleasantly surprised. Of course, this morning Kyle and I talked about when he was off therapy that we said we'd take a vacation (yikes)! He mentioned Disney World again...that's several times now so I better figure that one out. He also reminded me that he wanted his 4 Wheeler when he was done...c'mon money tree GROW!

I will update more after clinic and when I have his counts. It's ALWAYS a guessing game, especially when he is still fighting a bit of that cold! Prayers for good counts and minimal side effects this week would be great...here come those steroids and mood swings!

Thanks again for *lurking*...
Denise

Monday, January 29, 2007 10:10 AM CST

Finally...a day to myself!

Oh my gosh! I am so in need of today...the bummer is that it will be spent cleaning and doing laundry I'm sure! But at least I am ALONE!

Kyle is doing pretty well! I think his appetite is still low but his cough is calming down.

Stephanies boyfriend, Keoki, brought the Wii over this weekend so he and the kids played with it quite a bit. They had a really good time and needless to say, I think they are all sore from it (especially Ty and Keoki)!

Riley got to go to the mall yesterday and pick out her very own earrings. She was very selective about it as I thought for sure she'd want every single one she saw. She ended up with 6 pairs and 2 headband things.

Ed returned home from India Saturday but that's a whole 'nother story. He is alive and home if you were wondering!

Me...I have today to myself, did I forget to mention that? My muscles are so tense and tight I feel my shoulders hitting my ears!!! I think I'm due for another vacation away from life...which reminds me, when is Oprah going to call me to rescue me??? Hmpf! My power of positive thinking is fading...

Thanks for stopping in...

Denise

Friday, January 26, 2007 9:54 AM CST

Thank God It's Friday

LOL...no idea why I typed that because Friday seems to be just another day in the life of Denise! But anyway, TGIF anyway!

Kyle is still home. His cough is horrible, he seems a bit more active but I don't think he'd survive a full day at school...nor should he have to just yet!

He is once again getting on the skinny side, which tells me he needs to EAT! I was rubbing and tickling his arm last night and he is just skin and bones right now! I need to plump him up, but I also know when one doesn't feel great...the appetite isn't great either. I am giving him some Green Tea capsules and Vitamin C. I finally stepped over the line and it only took me 7 years. I was so *anti give him ANYTHING that might interfer with his chemo* that I didn't give him ANYTHING...but the more I hear and the more I read, I'm doing it!

Today will consist of NOTHING. I am going to NAP and like it....don't call me anyone, I might be trying to sleep! I was reading this new cancer and nutrition book last night until 12:30, woke up to let a sick dog out (she left me a nice present on the floor AGAIN), and then at 5:30 am I woke up...stayed wide eyed with my thoughts going a million miles an hour, my teeth hurting (still didn't do the night guard), and then fell back asleep and couldn't drag my butt out of bed to get kids to school (I did...I knew if I over slept and kept them home...I would not be able to nap, I'm so selfish wink wink)!

Anyhoo, enough about the that...Kyle will be home with me today and we are just going to hang out and clearly I need to feed the skinny little man (although I must say with a mop full of hair, a terrible hacking cough and being skin and bones...he STILL looks like a handsome devil)!

Prayers are with Marion and Jameson as she figures out what is wrong with Jamo this week, Nancy and Matthew as they should found out what those *atypical cells* were in his CNS last week, and of course the Rasmussen family as they have their visitation today for sweet Baby Donovan. And not to forget, prayers with Kyle as he fights this bout of yuck that is lingering in him!

Thanks for stopping in....
Denise

Wednesday, January 24, 2007 3:14 PM CST

Afternoon our little lurkers...

Let's see, I took Kyle into Children's this morning to have his counts check and have someone look him over since his throat hurts, his nose is running and his cough is not getting any better.

They were VERY busy today, and that is an understatement. Again, didn't recognize any faces other than the nurses and doctors. I always find that to be a very big shame!

Irene drew counts and then we waited about a half an hour for a room. Dr. Garrington saw Kyle today, not sure where his oncologist was but anyhoo...he did a check over of Kyle and determined he has fluid building up in one of his ears, lungs sound ok, cough is bad, throat a bit red. To be on the safe side, he put Kyle on 10 days of Amoxcillon (3 times a day). Hopefully that will clear out whatever may be lingering in him! I was happy with that report!

Nurse Sally came and gave us his counts. I just cannot figure this little boy out...his counts sky rocketed!

White Blood Count 8.3 (up from 2)
Hemoglobin is 13
Platelets are 246,000 (down from 302,000)
ANC (drum roll please) 6500 yes 6500! Bizarre!

And those mono's went down. So they determined that since his counts were so good, they'd put him back to 75 percent. This time I made sure we had the right dosage for 75 percent!

He will be back in there next week at 1:30 pm for Vincristine!

I then took him to grab a bite to eat and to fill his medications....just started him on his first pill about five minutes ago. Hopefully this will clean him out and he can finally feel like my Kyle!

Riley is already scheduled to be on a playdate this afternoon so I have some more Denise time. I'm chugging a Red Bull and going to try to accomplish my to-do list this afternoon.

I feel much better today...I thank all of you for cheering me up, picking me up...Jen the cyber date was great and Kim (hey you just emailed as I typed that...very bizzare!) I loved loved loved getting to know you, even if it is just over email!

Thanks for stopping in and checking on my handsome devil! Thank you for all the love and prayers...keep Kyle in those prayers!!!

A big fat sloppy kiss...

Denise

Tuesday, January 23, 2007 10:00 AM CST

SICK SICK SICK KYLE IS SICK

Yup...he has been in bed not feeling well at all. Gave him chicken soup and am hoping we can survive the night. I will be taking him in after I drop the kids off at school tomorrow. Hoping it's just strep...love that don't ya, I hope my child has strep throat! YIKES!

No fevers yet...do you all hear me knocking on wood!?!?!

Update sort of:

Thank you for the guestbook entries...you are very sweet people that follow my journey through "hell" I mean "cancer"! I am not jumping from any tall buildings or driving off cliffs...just having a moment or a day or whatever! I did take a nap between my telephone ringing several times, I'm sure those wanting to make sure I'm alive!

So...here I sit on hold with Children's. "Press one if you have a sick child or need immediate assistance!" I did that about 5 minutes ago and the phone is still ringing...so much for that huh?

Kyle came home from school with his throat really hurting, I took the good old flash light and it looks red, swollen and has some *white dots* on it. Not good...! I gave him some medicine and am now waiting for Children's to answer the phone! I don't think they will so now I just hung up! I called his regular doctor who probably has seen him once in seven years but they have to call me back too.

My thinking is this now...I will try to keep his throat comfy until tomorrow when we head in for counts. I will then have them look at it! I know how much sore throats hurt so I was going to run him into his regular doctor (much closer) since my mommy gut tells me this is really a non-cancer issue...but what the heck do I know! Hmpf...so hard to find good help I tell ya! With that being said, I bet his counts will stink tomorrow and I bet I will hear the infamous, "he has a lot of mono's so he is *trying* to do something!" Yes...like get better!

I think I better go eat a ho ho!!!!

A NIGHT OF MANY WEIRD MOMENTS...

Last night was bizarre...I think I am about ready to commit myself to some *moms of children with cancer* rehab center.

I finished reading my *beach book* as Nikki would call it. Now I tend NOT to read those books cause really they are kind of just silly. I tend to read more legal, raising kids, finding myself, The Bible, and magazine type things but this book reviewed in US Weekly (go figure) and so I bought it, "The Ladies Man" (LOL saying those titles just make me laugh)! Well, I've had the book for quite some time but figured a break from reality ought to do me some good. It was a quick two night read and I finished it last night. First off, it was a REALLY good book for being "one of those books" and secondly, it's the first time a book has had me smiling through out most of it, brought me to serious tears toward the end, and then smiling again. And thirdly, if you want to count this...I actually felt sorry for the GUY most of the book, imagine that!

I closed the book around midnight and as I lay there trying to fall asleep, my brain takes me to one of the several days that I almost lost Kyle. I remember it was two years ago, Kyle was going through really INTENSE chemotherapy inpatient. Mom was sitting in the chair next to his bed and I was propped up at the foot of his bed facing him. His bed was tilted up so he could sit up and chat with us. The memory was so vivid, I remember talking with him and his eyes started to roll and then try to focus on me. I'd say, "Kyle, are you ok...look at me" and his eyes would roll out of control but he tried so hard to focus on me. I looked at mom as my heart sank and she shook her head. I kept calling to Kyle..."please focus on me, can you see me?" Suddenly, in a very quick instant, he grabbed his throat and fell back limply onto his bed..."oh my gosh, I'm losing my son...!" I jumped up and ran out of the room screaming for "help! please help me!"

They came running in forces...and I stood there, shaking coldly and crying, my whole body felt like it was shaking...my finger tips to my toes. I couldn't go back in the room, I couldn't bring myself to watch my son die. Two of my favorite nurses brought me to the parents lounge...I couldn't move but yet I was shaking terribly. They covered me in blankets and talked to me. My mind so blank, scared and confused...did I just lose my son!? The chaplain came in, gosh how I love Allen...! The nurses came in and would report to me...I wanted to throw up. "Don't freak out if you get up, the crash cart is outside of his room and I just wanted to tell you that so you were prepared"..."oh my gosh, it's true...he is in there fighting to live and I can't go in there, I can't see it!" Allen and I talked some more...I told him that I am a total control freak, it's just who I am. I told him that I hate cancer and it doesn't have room in the life for a control freak. Another nurse update came in, "don't freak out if you get up, the chaplain is outside of his room now, but that's standard procedure when there is a code!" Yes, I've seen this man...dressed in his black outfit, serious face and his Bible clutched to his chest...I've seen him and now he is outside of MY SON'S room! Allen and I continue to talk..."I have no control of cancer, it can take my son's life in an instant...the only thing I can do in my life is have FAITH and trust with all of my heart in the Lord" and trust is a serious issue with me as well! As I was finally calming down the nurses came in and said, "Kyle is fine, he wants you...he's scared!" "Oh my gosh, my son is scared and I wasn't there for him. I couldn't be there for him!" What a horrible HORRIBLE but vivid memory that won't go away, it's embedded in my head and here it was all coming back to me as I try to sleep last night...! Kyle was ok...although the EPI shot in his thigh didn't feel so good and we realized he either had a platelet reaction as he was just getting done with a transfusion or he is allergic to Benedryl (something that has helped us out for so many years but his body suddenly rejected it)! I learned an important lesson that day though...I returned to church and my faith and trust are totally and 100 percent with the Lord. Sometimes I faulter from that, sometimes I question and stray...not that I want to but it happens, but I know I have no control over this! I hate it, it drives me crazy...and maybe that's why it bothers me to this day! I don't know, but I feel asleep clutching the very teddy bear I bought Kyle on February 3rd of 2000 as he was first taken away from me to put his port in. I went to the gift shop while my baby boy was in surgery, and I bought him a soft brown teddy bear with a heart stitched on his heart...and I sleep with it to this day!

As my teeth were clenched all night (bought the night guard haven't molded it yet...lot of good that does me), I had a bad dream. Don't you hate those dreams that are so real that you wake up believing them!?!? It was one of those dreams. I had finally gotten into my doctor (trying since LAST JUNE by the way, yes...maybe time to find a new one) but anyway...I finished my appointment and she told me that the results showed I had cancer. Oh my gosh!!! What a horrible dream...but in my dream, my survival chances were low but I wasn't going to give up, I was going to beat it for Kyle! I seriously woke up this morning thinking that I have cancer...! Ty plopped on my bed telling me he thinks he might have pink eye and I thought to myself, "oh really, I have cancer!"

I am now convinced I am losing it...thus comes the *moms of children with cancer* rehab! Where is it? Sign me up? Should I go back on medications...what the hell is wrong with me? Why the thoughts and dreams and memories? Why now? Have I never really dealt with it all? Have I kept it all bottled up and my body is reacting? I feel anxious again? Scared and nervous? I have no control over it, I have no control over how I feel...but I want it to go away! Sometimes I get angry, why can't life be "normal" (whatever the heck that is)!?

I woke up thinking today...today is the day I am going to crawl back into bed and SLEEP. Then I think, "uh oh that's a sign of depression!" Maybe it's because on February 2nd it will be 7 YEARS we have been doing this and it kills me, it pains me inside...so unfair, yet I of all people know that life is far from fair! My dad would say that when I was little and I'd get so angry..."what does he know, life is fair you big creep!" And here I sit, having learned that very important lesson!

I think I will call the doctor and if I can't get in, I'll find a new one! Every year I have blood work drawn up to ease my fears (clearly not all of them)...so far so good (well ok my chloresterol is a bit high, so I can't give up my carbs and butter)!

I think in a way, journaling helps. Journaling helps release all of that *stuff* going on in my brain. I see many cancer moms express their feelings on their journals, their fears, thoughts, emotions, and memories. Sometimes I Feel guilty that I write it all here and you all feel like you should read it...but your guestbook entries help me when times are low (OK Jen the carrot juice and vodka this morning was ALMOST as bad as my poop story yesterday!)! You all seem to encourage me, give me hope, make me smile and tell me it's ok to have the feelings that I have...and I appreciate that! I don't know what is wrong with me and yet I don't know what is right with me either...! It's becoming a pattern for me lately and I don't like it! Do you ever feel ALONE yet you are surrounded by friends and family (and even a darn therapist)!? I feel ALONE...and I don't like it...it makes me sad and it makes me hurt. I think for the first time in my 37 years of control freak, independent, strong life...I am going to announce to the world (ok you all) that I am scared, I'm scared to death!

So please, pray for strength for me today as I type this journal entry. I know it's long and winded but as I type this with tears strolling down my cheeks...I'm scared and feel very weak! As us cancer moms tend to say, "I feel like I'm just awaiting the other shoe to drop! (every day for the last seven years)!"

Pray for Kyle to feel better...he's still coughing but went to school today. He is such a trooper...my hero!

I think I will attempt to hold my head high today, go to the gym (which seems to help release some of this), grab a Starbucks...and have a ME day!

Thanks for checking in...I don't think you all expected a short story so if you made it through all of that...I love you!

Denise

Monday, January 22, 2007 4:52 PM CST

Good afternoon...

Today, Kyle stayed home from school. As did Ty, but he didn't have school anyway. Kyle has been coughing and looks very pale with those dark cancer looking circles under his eyeballs. I have had less complaints about the throat though. I have to stop and think about it really, I am still lingering onto my cold and this week will be three weeks...and I'm not taking chemotherapy. He was sick just a few days before I was so I imagine with chemotherapy in him, his body is struggling to fight it off. That's my story and I'm sticking to it anyway!!! LOL!

Not much going on here. It snowed yesterday, Ty shoveled and then I shoveled BUT the sun is out today and melting it all fairly well. There are still piles of snow everywhere and I think everyone still has their Christmas decorations up (and maybe we should just leave them up until next Christmas) but the sun is shining today! And imagine this one, nobody has been able to pick up dog poop for the past month, now who wants to come do that after a month with almost 300 pounds of dog?!?!? NOT ME! I am so bad, I was thinking of calling one of those *poop pick up services* once the snow melt! Maybe in exchange for picking up a truck load of poop, I can give them a dog (and I know which one)!

I'm just passing time, anxiously awaiting blood counts this Wednesday. My mind keeps echoing the comment of, "well he has almost 40 percent monos so his body is trying to do something!" That bugs me...! It always has bugged me and it probably always will!

Thanks for checking in...continued prayers for Kyle to feel better would be great!

Denise

Sunday, January 21, 2007 10:32 AM CST

TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY!

I type this to tell myself...today is going to be a good day! This I type after I wake to dog barf on the stairs, entryway and back door. This I type after I let the "barfing" dog outside and see more SNOW falling to the ground. This I type after I sit down to update and see that MY SWEET, PRECIOUS BABY DONOVAN has earned his angel wings last night, and I'm *almost* at peace with it as he has endured way to much for being such a young little man! His passing has REALLY hit the mommy cancer world hard, as it has his faithful followers. We all just hoped he would be the miracle...! I suppose God had other plans for him...!

BUT...today is going to be a good day. I just made cinnamon rolls for the kids, I poured my cup of coffee, I cleaned up the barf, and just informed Ty that since he is *the man of the house* he needs to shovel for me today!

Today is football, today is a few errands, today I will not clean (I think) and today is a good day!!! I *B*E*L*I*E*V*E* that....!

Yuck those stars look like snowflakes...I'm sick of snow! I now have some idea of what those Seattle folks must feel like, where the heck is the sun!?!?!?! Ooops, today is a good day!

Oh yes, Kyle...let's see, I think he looks pale and I haven't really heard many requests for food. His throat hurts a bit but it's the front of his neck, which seems strange to me. Counts again on Wednesday (sorry Mrs. Conley, Kyle seems to miss more than I anticipated)!

Prayer request:
Please pray for Melissa Rasmussen and her family as they deal with the loss of Baby D. She is working hard on his celebration of life and kind words to their guestbook would be very nice.

Please pray for Kyle as he struggles with good counts and *whatever* it is that appears to be lingering in his little body!

Please pray for a good day for our family!

Time to frost the cinnamon rolls...yum!

Much love...

Denise

Saturday, January 20, 2007 6:03 PM CST

Hello...

A little bit of Pilates and a lot of Ho Ho's and I'm feeling a bit better. I've been cleaning, organizing, laundry, sorting, updating, and fixing for the last 24 hours and it really is theraputic. So...I feel better!

Kyle is doing well still. No complaints yet today but everyone really has been doing their own thing for most of the day! I think we will regroup in a bit and watch a movie. The boys and I wanted to see the Gridiron Gang so maybe we will plop on the couch, snuggle up, eat popcorn and watch it. Besides it feels very cold here so a good snuggle sounds just about right!

Thanks for stopping in...I'm on the road to recovery, I THINK!

Denise

Friday, January 19, 2007 10:49 PM CST

Good Evening....

I'm not going to say I'm out of my yucky mood...I guess I've just been avoiding the internet and most forms of socialization. I've become a bit removed and let's say "anti-social!"

I'm not completely sure why that is, but it is? I've been keeping myself busy with organizing, cleaning, reorganzing and running errands. I apologize for my lack of updates!

Kyle seems to be doing ok. He just complained a bit about his throat. His elbow is clearing up again, with the occasional flair up. His counts aren't the greatest but we are chugging along. His spirits are high today though as his laptop was totally fixed...new hard drive, new AC adapter and a new battery, all compliments of Best Buy as we have our warranty. He has until June to break it and then the warranty is up and we are on our own.

Ed is off to India today, should arrive tomorrow night he said. He will be gone for 8 days so I will be flying solo. I tried to remind him to take lots of photos! He was pretty excited to be heading back over there.

Riley is standing here pacing for me to hurry up so she can snuggle. I am about to scratch somebodys eyes out but will take her upstairs and tuck her in....just wanted to get a quick update in that Kyle is staying strong (a tad bit moody) and me...I am a biotch from hell for some reason, guess I'm entitled to have those days (or weeks right?)!

Much love...keep those prayers rollin', if I keep up this mood, I won't have any pals left (yikes) so pray for me too!

Denise

Oprah, come save me! I told several of you that I AM GOING ON HER SPA VACATION WITH HER AND GAYLE IN MARCH. THEY DON'T KNOW IT YET, BUT I AM...POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING RIGHT! I think I NEED it!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 10:38 AM CST

AFTERNOON UPDATE:

Kyle's counts are in and I'm not all that surprised as they were way high two weeks ago. I am a bit disappointed as for the last two weeks he should have been at 75 percent and one of his meds was only at 50 percent, this makes me slightly (ok quite a bit) annoyed.

WBC 2
Hemoglobin 12.3
Platelets 302,000 (high for Kyle)
ANC was low at 635

He is back on 50 percent...or shall I stay staying at 50 percent on 6 mp and back to 50 percent of his methotrexate.

We will recheck his counts next week and his next chemotherapy (Vincristine) is the 31st at 1:30.

He also has lots of monocytes...almost 40 percent. Which means "his body is trying to do something" which I hear quite often and would love to know what it's trying to do. I think I've narrowed it down to his mono's are high when he is fighting a cold or getting over a cold, which is the case for him right now!

Tonight...I'm going back to the gym (two months off but who is counting anyway)! I need to get back in the swing of things and sweat out some of my anger and frustrations!!!! Then I can complain about being VERY SORE for the next week....maybe I'll forget about other stresses in the process!

Thanks for stopping in AGAIN...

Denise

AM UPDATE

Today, I am at a loss for words! Yes me...the chatty one! I don't know what to say! I think I should be upbeat and happy but struggle to find it within myself.

News of Sweet Baby Donovan and the funeral of Joseph Morrison have truly left me speechless.

Such a curable disease, such a high cure rate and yet us cancer mom's have been left feeling helpless and defeated at times. We carry *H*O*P*E* with us, it stays in our pockets and we pull it out when we need it. We *B*E*L*I*E*V*E* in all things and yet tragedy seems to strike innocent families. We draw *S*T*R*E*N*G*T*H* from one another when times are hard or frustrating. When we don't understand or just need a shoulder to cry on. We have learned many lessons in life through our experiences with cancer...we remain *B*R*A*V*E* in the face of evil, we stand tall and hold our heads high. We take many deep breaths through out our days, struggles, trials and tribulations...yet the news of another loss and the devestating news that cancer is going to take another sweet child, we become weak. We are weak and saddened yet we know that we have to keep the *F*A*I*T*H*, hold our heads high, take another deep breath, and take another day as it is given to us. We don't choose this life...it was given to us, although we don't know why...we do know we must carry on the best we can and *P*R*A*Y* for strength, knowledge, wisdom, courage, and more faith.

Today, Kyle will get his counts checked. Which should be an ordinary day in the life of a cancer mom but today is a very scary day. I want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head...and yet, I must put my emotions aside, take a deep breath, and *T*R*U*S*T* that today will be a good day for us. I have no reason to doubt that it will be a good day for Kyle and yet I feel weakened by the abundance of sad news in our cancer world. I will hold my head high, put a smile on my face, and try to remember that today, Kyle is good!

Thanks for checking in...please pray for Melissa and her family as they are faced with losing their precious baby boy very soon. Pray for strength for Josephs family as they are faced with the loss of their oldest child. And of course, pray for our sweet Kyle as he get's his blood counts checked today and I surely would like for him to continue on with his medications!

Denise

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 1:57 PM CST

Update:

When it rains it pours...Melissa updated baby Donovans page today with the news that he is not expected to make it beyond this coming weekend. His cancer is spreading like wildfire and the battle is a losing one! How my heart breaks for such an amazing mom and family. Please stop by and sign their guestbook and offer prayers of strength during this difficult week!

www.caringbridge.org/in/babydonovan

MORNING UPDATE

http://www.andiesisle.com/icanonlyimagine4highspeed.html

Check out the website above...this is one of those songs I often write about! I love it and want to share it with you!

I found the above website on one of Joseph Morrisons guestbook entries.

Here is what his mom wrote today, and I want to share it with you all...this is childhood cancer:

It is early in the morning on the day of my oldest son's funeral. I type that sentence and feel the strangeness of it, the niggling hollowness that all these plans and services have kept so neatly within their little box in my soul.... getting closer to the surface now. It feels strange to write here without the day counter at the top. It hurts to write here, as if somehow my coming back to this is forcing me to acknowledge what has happened. He was in the hospital for so long, and in the last weeks of his life his father and I realized the futlity of staying overnight when he did not know we were near and while he needed such intense round-the-clock active switching up of meds, adjusting of his body, treatments into his ventilator, orthopedic boots put on and taken off every few hours etc. There was no rest to be had there and his brothers still needed us too, so we slept at home and spent time with him during the day. It makes it hard to absorb that this is real. I feel like a two year old, believing he is dead for a little while but I will awaken and find out this is all just a terrible nightmare, part of one of those dark thought processes that carried me forward to this point and beyond and for which I felt immensely guilty of and fearful for at the time. Joseph gone? How can that be? His having been in the hospital so much is both blessing and curse. We are already used to being here at home without him for great periods of time. But it makes it hard to believe he isn't down at Medical City anymore.

We had the casket open briefly before his prayer service last night just for family to view if they so chose. He didn't look like himself. His lips were still bruised and torn from the oscillator tube. His face, neck and torso still seemed bloated. The petechial bruising across his body was peeping out from the collar of his scout uniform and his hands still wore the bright red splotches where IV lines had been. I don't know if the funeral home just didn't do a good job with his make up or if seeing a child in this state is just tremendously different from seeing an old person, but he was so devoid of color. He was gray and blue and white, none of the pinkness left. He did not look at peace or as if he were simply sleeping. He looked as if Elvis has left the building. He's gone...fled that shell...not in there at all. It comforted me while at the same time brought back the memories of his death. Watching him die was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Laying my hand on his chest. Feeling that strong, noble heart flutter, pulse, beat strongly, then flutter, pulse, beat softer, until it simply faded away. I could hardly bear it. I both fear the grief and pain these memories cause me and fear avoiding thinking about them will cause them to fade into a recess of my mind where recollection will be hard. It feels tremendously important not to forget how he died...and in this statement not meaning from the respiratory failure caused by who knows what caused by the preparation for a stem cell transplant needed for relapsed leukemia....but more meaning...the actual physical experience of watching him leave us. I remembered this morning that when we went in after Thanksgiving he was being admitted overnight for IV fluids and that I had felt badly for Joseph, who was so resigned but unhappy, and thought seriously about trying to talk the doctors out of it. He never came home again. I am incredulous.

I am doing his eulogy today. I found out last night that my game face is intact, so that is reassuring. I am not one to weep and wail before others. And I have actually done very little weeping since Joseph passed away. At his bedside, certainly, and in odd moments when the thought that he is not coming back has struck me. But I seem to be functioning about three feet above it all. I fear the moment that bubble fades.




Good afternoon...

I think I've narrowed down what might be wrong with me, well I mean what might be partially wrong with me as I seem to have many issues! I have been really drained and sleepy beyond belief. I slept most of Sunday afternoon away and then slept until 10 am on Monday, then napped again from 2-4. Mom has officially diagnosed me with a sinus infection and thus I am starting antibiotics this morning...Mexico antibiotics...LOL! I can already feel the constant draining, not that I didn't have tons before! Hopefully I will get back into the day to day stuff soon!

Kyle has been doing very well. Last night, I thought he looked a bit pale before bed but he is acting great, eating great, and due for counts tomorrow. So again, TODAY KYLE IS GOOD!

Ed is gearing up to head to India on Friday. What a great opportunity for him as he truly enjoyed India the last time.

Ty has an ortho appointment today, braces go on next month.

Riley...she's just as cute and moody as always!

Please continue to pray for good counts tomorrow and maybe soon I will get a better idea of when his actual off therapy date is...

thanks for checking in...

Denise

Monday, January 15, 2007 12:52 AM CST

Nothing much to report again today. The children are all home for MLK day and they are all playing nicely (for now)!

Kyle's elbow rash cleared up last week but now it seems to have come back...it's really beginning to bother me and him! I will continue to put lotion on it and hope it goes away AGAIN!

We will have his counts checked on Wednesday, hopefully they are still good and he can continue on his chemotherapy. I'm not expecting it to increase from the 75 percent he is on, but I'm ok with that for now.

Please pray for good counts and a cancer free life for Kyle.

I'm feeling *blah* if you hadn't noticed...!

Tah Tah for now...

Denise

Friday, January 12, 2007 2:13 PM CST

Friday, December 22, 2006 10:52 AM CST

Ugh...what a disaster that 3 feet of snow pummeled us with! It was actually pretty fun on the *playing in the snow* front but the timing was a bit off.

I am expecting at least 6 packages to be delivered today since we had no mail or airport for the last several days. I'm waiting for several of my kids gifts and a gift that has to come here, be wrapped and shipped to Rockford Illinois for my mother in law. Not good as I do not think it will arrive there before Christmas. I feel sort of *unsettled* about how things will get here, when they will get here, and what I still need to wait for. Not good for the anal retentive me! I was also unable to ship out the Colorado branch of things for Baby D...boo hoo!

We've had an SUV fight at our house as well. I have the only SUV as Ed has a sedan. He took the truck the morning the storm rolled in and I needed get to the store for Kyle. So...I thought I could take his car but low and behold got it stuck at the end of the subdivision. Stephanie came to the rescue in her car and got me to the store and back. Ed was less than thrilled with my adventure, however...Steph and I thought it was fun!

He then thought he'd use my 4Runner as a tow truck for his car, then used the FRONT END OF MY TRUCK to push his car up the driveway and into the garage...with TYLER DRIVING HIS CAR, the child who has never been behind the wheel. AS I STOOD AND WATCHED THIS STUPID ATTEMPT TO GET HIS CAR IN THE GARAGE, TYLER ALMOST DROVE STRAIGHT THROUGH THE HOUSE...HIS EYES WERE AS BIG AS SAUCERS AND HE SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES INCHES FROM THE INTERIOR WALL....anal retentive me almost killed somebody right then and there. GRRR, not a happy camper!

Yesterday, I drove Ed to work because, "they are still working in Bangledesh and it's not snowing there!" The kids and I had a massive snow ball fight (wow am I sore), and we helped shovel the neighbors mini van of the curb and into the driveway. I also woke to the sound of "beep beep beep" and ran to Ty's window at 7 am. There was a monster sized tractor (got photos) attempting to plow a strip out of our street with icy HUGE tires spinning. It was funny!

Last night was topped off with dinner and a mean game of Rummikub...uh ummm...ask Ed who won??? He was a bit frazzled at the final score!

Stephanie finally got out of here this morning to head to work, Ed took the dogs up to the mountains for a hike, the kids...they are all silent for the moment. My house looks like a tornado ran through it, I'm waiting for UPS to bring me stuff (I'm sure they are so behind that it might not even arrive today), and I don't know where to begin on the clean up efforts here at home!

Kyle's elbow still looks yuckky...I'm a bit concerned about it but am trying to act like I'm not, and I think Ry still has pink eye and each night she complains of sore throats...we head to Missouri for a road trip after Christmas...sure wish I could get her in the doctor.

Calgon take me awayyyyyyyy!

I'll update the photos from the rest of the storm in a bit, Riley is calling for me! (photos just added)

Thanks for checking in AGAIN...

Denise

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 12:35 AM CST

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow


Oh the weather outside is frightful


But the fire is so delightful


And since we've no place to go


Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!



It doesn't show signsof stopping


And I've bought some corn for popping


The lights are turned way down low


Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!



When we finally kissgoodnight


How I'll hate going out in the storm!


But if you'll really hold me tight


All the way home I'll be warm



The fire is slowly dying


And, my dear, we're still goodbying


But as long as you love me so


Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 9:49 AM CST

TOO MUCH TO DO THIS TIME OF YEAR

How did I go from the gal who was super excited for Christmas, and DONE shopping for weeks...turn into this headache bearing, jaw clenching, crazy, stressed out woman?

I've had a constant headache for days and my teeth hurt. I find myself clenching them ALL THE TIME. And if my insurance would cover a mouth guard for bedtime, I'd have one and I'd probably NOT have all of these constant issues.

I have been driving myself nuts with the end of the year *stuff*! Run to the bank! Is everything wrapped? Where the heck is my last package? What if they don't like what they got? Oh I better mail a letter to my adopted child Karo is Africa? I forgot to call and cancel that appointment? Are the kids happy, I should be hanging with the kids this time of year? Oh my gosh, we never did Christmas cards?

The good news is, the kids and I are heading to Missouri the day after Christmas. We are going to road trip with my parents to visit my two oldest brothers (and boy are they old...LOL) and their young wives and kids! I'm excited to get away from the hub bub of Colorado, the busy, the crazy day to day stuff...and hang out with tractors and cows...LOL! City girl gone country...! Imagine that!

Kyle is doing good still. Since we are going to Missouri next week, his chemotherapy was moved to January 3rd at 1:30. This is good, he should be feeling good for the trip! He still has the super *weird* spot on his elbow. I'm a bit worried about it actually. Dr. Albano thought it was just from him rubbing it at school (on his desk) but it really has grown and has bumps on it. I don't like it at all...brings a *ick* feeling to my tummy actually! I'm going to just keep hydrocortisoning (is that a word?) it! It is getting better with it, but why is it growing up his elbow?????

Today is Ty's last day of school for break. Tomorrow I will have all three kiddo's! Two I can handle, three does me in (more jaw clenching I'm sure)!

Donovans Elves, Colorado branch...we are sending off $250 to be put in the Donovan package. Every little bit helps so thank you Mom, Nikki, and Betty Lynn for your donations this holiday season, you have no idea how much your generosity means to me!

Nancy, I'll get the $$$ your way today!

Now...I must sign off the computer, I was on it most of yesterday and getting myself in all kinds of holiday trouble!!! Although ordering Creative Memories inventory doesn't count does it?

Have a wonderful day today...thanks for stopping in!

Denise

Ahhh thank you Stephanie, she just called and is delivering me a Starbucks this morning! (that doesn't count Natalie cause I didn't buy it) Natalie and I are trying to challenge one another and we are thinking of giving up that $5 cup of coffee and putting it toward our adopted children in Africa! We also decided that when we turn 40 we should skip that spa trip and head to Africa...and you all thought Missouri was funny!

Monday, December 18, 2006 9:06 AM CST

THE 24 HOUR CHALLENGE

Today....see Matthews page at: http://www.caringbridge.org/in/matthewk/

It's not too late to help out Team Elves Colorado! Email me a commited amount to help Baby Donovan's family this holiday season, I'll send the check, and you pay me! Sort of a PAY LATER option...LOL!

www.caringbridge.org/in/babydonovan

My address is below! Along with my phone number, social security number, shoe size, Christmas wish list, and where I hide the key to my front door!
(wink wink Natalie)

Happy Monday, let's rock and roll Team Colorado...

Denise

OH MY THE BRONCOS WON!!!

Saturday, December 16, 2006 5:45 PM CST

Nothing new to report today. It's been a very quiet day around here.

Kyle is playing on his laptop, Ty is watching television (still no computer due to grades), Riley is playing with Taylor (pal from across the street), Ed is up in the mountains with the dogs, and ME...well I'm organizing the office desk and the paperwork. Gobs of paperwork...gobs of medical invoices that irritate the crap out of me, and finding stray bills laying around.

Something about the thought of 2007 inspires me! I love the new year...out with the old and in with the new. New resolutions (lose that extra few pounds I've recently gained and be much better about sending birthday cards this year), new budgets, new goals financial and personal, new start...something about a new year is just awesome!

2007...May of 2007...Kyle will be done with chemotherapy AGAIN!

Enjoy your weekend everyone...

Denise

Thursday, December 14, 2006 3:29 PM CST

THE BIGGEST LOSER...AND IT'S NOT ME!

I so have to laugh at myself today. I'm not only busier than busy can be busy, but I watched The Biggest Loser last night (it was the finale)! I had watched it off and on through out the season but I really do like the show. It amazes me the weight they lose and the drive they have! So much so that last night I decided I'm going to start today off right. I'm going to the gym, I'm eating good and I'm gonna do it! Of course, I only really think I should lose about five pounds (or tighten up anyway)!

So...this morning, I get up with that thought in my head. I mean Erik on the show lost over 200 pounds...YIKES, so I can firm up right? I drop the kids off at school (although I think Riley has pink eye and I should not have done it BUT any hoo, I mean I REALLY hate when other parents do that crap), I get fuel in the truck because I had been driving on 0 for the last 24 hours. I stop at McDonalds...BUT WAIT...I get the yogurt parfaits, one for me and one for mom. No coffee...I take water! Good for me!

I go to mom's to wrap all of my presents for the family (yes, they stay there because of snooping eyeballs at my house). I am there until about 1 and then I have to rush off to mail my cancer mom secret santa gift (that's a whole 'nother story but I can't tell it yet as "SHE" maybe reading my updates)...I mail the gift for twice what the gift cost so I can be SURE she get's it by Christmas. I then think, "man am I hungry" and where do I go...TACO BELL! I order a burrito and a taco but be sure to SKIP the onions because of this whole E Coli thing and their green onions. So right there, I blew my diet...what did that last a whopping 4 hours???

I'm driving home, still thinking about the E Coli scare as I finished off my food...ok I inhaled it. AND ON THE RADIO I HEAR THIS: Well the big scare at Taco Bell with E Coli and the onions is over, they've determined it wasn't the onions, they've also ruled out the meat and cheese...currently they are looking into the lettuce as the cause! Taco Bell sales are down due to the recent scare.

WHAT THE HECK...COULDN'T THEY HAVE TOLD ME THAT AT TACO BELL...?? I JUST DOWNED THEIR LETTUCE AND DIDN'T ORDER THE CRUMMY ONION. So if I shall get E COLI...you all know where I got it...! No wonder I had no problem whipping through their drive thru...! GRRRR!

I did decide that there is no possible way to lose weight and diet unless you are Oprah Winfrey! I mean really...it's too much to ask of a mom on the go!

Needless to say, my presents are all wrapped up and ready to be snooped at, corners torn into it, and tape lifted. I'm excited as I am officially all done and I think I did a darn good job if I must say so myself (really I'm sure I missed something but I'll just blame Santa!)!

Now my next challenge is still doing the Christmas cards...Marion way cute picture but where are you? Uncle Greg...I think that check is officially lost, sorry but hey you all had adorable cards this year. I am a big time snow man freak and those were cute! I have almost every ornament on my tree snow men, every piece of wrapping paper is snowman, decorations...yup, SNOW MEN! Thanks Natalie for the Williams Sonoma snow man cake pan and towels...rock on! I'm making an eggnog flavored snow man cake for Christmas!!!

Oh the kids...yes, Riley is still coughing and now I think she has pink eye (lovely I know). Mom said I should use those ARA-c (chemo) eye drops that Kyle had to use when he was getting that nasty, crappy, horrible chemotherapy. I may give that a try!

Kyle is doing well...moody son of a gun though. He can be sweet as pie and then turn on a moments notice. Kinda scary!

Ty, well Ty is Ty...computer is taken away again! He just can't seem to buckle down and get his missing assignments in and I love listening to every excuse under the sun as to why it's not HIS FAULT they are missing...! The joy of 8th grade!

Well I must shower now, 45 mintues until kid time!

Love...
An all done wrapping my presents cancer mom!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 11:00 AM CST

TODAY I AM RAISING AWARENESS

I just spent the last hour "checking up" on my cancer kids! My list of favorites is hard to explain...it grows as I find new kids that catch my heart, it shrinks when my favorites earn their angel wings, and grows again when prayers are needed in hopes of a true miracle. So I spend an hour going through each and every one of my favorites, and most I try to sign their guestbook to let them know I care, I'm praying or I just want to send a big sloppy kiss their way!

Today I have 14 kids on my favorites list (one being my own son because I like to go to his website and see who has signed his guestbook and what they wrote to us)!

Today, I'm going to share some of *MY KIDS* with you:

JAMESON Jameson has pre B ALL...Jameson's mom, Marion keeps me going day in and day out with her smiles, words of wisdom, and great humor. And she loves margaritas! LOL! Today...Jameson is good!

ANDREW Andrew is getting ready for tranplant and they are currently getting good cells from a sibling. I recently found Andrew on the internet (don't remember how) and he touches me. If you look at anyone today, look at Andrew and pray for his family...his photo breaks my heart. He looks like CANCER, he looks like a brave hero, so innocent and sweet and fighting for his life each and every day...why oh why? I don't get it at all! Today...Andrew needs prayers!

JOSEPH MORRISON
I have followed Joseph since his relapse. Joseph is fighting for his life right now. He had a transplant but is having issues with virus and his lungs. His mom is scared...today...they need prayers!

BABY DONOVAN
Need I say more? I love Melissa to pieces, she's an amazing mother and that is an understatement. Little Baby D recently had another relapse and is in need of a *TRUE MIRACLE*! We pray for him each and every day...he is a fighter and an inspiration to so many! Today...Baby D needs a true miracle!

ZAYLA New to my list is Zayla...her parents just found out she relapsed and I will follow her through her journey. Today...her mom needs strength!

HUNTER Hunter is also a relapse child. She is adorable and has grabbed my attention from the minute I saw her photo. She was scheduled to get her port out when they got the horrible news that she relapsed. Her mom is amazingly strong! Today...prayers are good yet Hunter is good!

MATTHEW
Matthew...what a great kid! His mom Nancy and I have connected from the get go. Mattew is much like Kyle, diagnosed in 2000, relapsed in 2004, and fighting the fight once again. His protocol is different than Kyle's but we continue down the same path of cancer. I love this family! Today...Matthew is good!

MADDI Maddi is a doll...shy and quiet (at least when I met her)! She has ALL but seems to struggle a lot along the way. Never say "what are the odds" with Maddi, cause she always seems to be that girl. Michelle is an amazing, strong, witty, funny, wonderful mom! They live here in Colorado and we met at the Light The Night walk. Today...Maddi needs prayers as she is not feeling well at all, and today Michelle needs prayers for strength!

RACHAEL Rachael has leukemia as well. She is almost done with her treatments but her mom, Jen, is just plain old DONE with it all. She was diagnosed in May of 2004 (Kyle's relapse time) and is at the end of therapy. Congratulations...today, prayers are needed for her to be *truly done* and live a long, happy, healthy, cancer free life!

BLAKE Oh need I say more about Blake?!?! Blake earned his angel wings recently in his battle with leukemia and transplant. His family is truly amazing and my heart goes out to them each and every day. I still follow them...as it appears once Blake passed on, many forgot them...forgot to check in and see how they are doing...see how they are holding up. It's their first holiday without Blake and it hurts! I will never forget them...Blake inspired me and from the time I saw his first picture, I saw something in his eyes...I saw a hero and a fighter! Today...their family needs many prayers during this difficult holiday season!

DAVIS Oh there is hope...there is faith...there is Davis. Davis has a high risk of reoccurance yet he finished treatments in September of 2004. I follow their journey with hopes that there truly is life after cancer. It's not a *normal* life or a *worry free* life...but there is hope, when I have little hope...I look to Davis! Today...mom is not feeling well (a bit snotty actually) so prayers for mom!

KEVIN Kevin was diagnosed before Kyle, in 1998! WOW! I think two years before that, his brother too had leukemia. Kevin relapsed in 2003 at the age of 10 (and he too had typhilitis like Kyle did upon relapse). Today, Kevin is a "living miracle"! Today...prayers for their famiy as Kevin isn't feeling well and I'm sure mom is sick to her stomach!

Here is some awesome information from their website:

I wanted to share something with you. I've wanted to join the bone marrow registry for years, but for one reason or another haven't done it....there always seemed to be a crisis in our own family! Well, you can do it ONLINE now - pay $52 (tax deductible) and they will send you a kit that contains 4 cheek swabs just like CSI! You just send the swabs back by mail and within 5-6 weeks you're added to the registry! HOW MUCH EASIER CAN IT BE?? I received mine in about 3 days, and consider it a Christmas gift to myself. Heck, I only have 15 years left to be a donor! I'm hoping I can save a life before I'm ineligible.

Check it out at the National Bone Marrow Registry

These are MY KIDS...they are the ones I check on for an hour each and every morning, and sometimes before I go to bed. These are the ones I pray for, and so many more!

Please, when you get a chance...check them out, say "hi" in their guestbook, look at their beautiful, innocent faces, they have CANCER or have had it, they've lost their child to cancer, they fight for their child, they pray for miracles, they have financial difficulties but that is only minor compared to the every day struggles they face, the thought of losing their babies to cancer...!

Register to be a bone marrow donor, pray for a miracle, and think of them during the holiday season! The nasty lesson that life isn't fair...is right before each and every one of our eyes...!

Today...Kyle is good, his counts are good, we have upped his chemotherapy again...and I'm trying to keep his sick sister away from him...today we are doing good!

One day at a time...
Denise

Monday, December 11, 2006 12:31 AM CST

Afternoon update:
Mom took Kyle to Children's this afternoon, along with lots of cookies and food (thanks mom, I know they love you!)

Riley had her last BARF (what a nasty word...how 'bout projectile vomit...LOL) anyway at about 1 this afternoon. She and I then settled in for a short nap.

She seems to be perking up and finally kept some chicken noodle soup down. Maybe it's a 24 hour bug!

Kyle's counts are listed above, they looked great! He is back up to 75 percent of his 6mp and staying at 50 percent methotrexate.

His next appointment is in two weeks but we need to reschedule it as we will be in Missouri with family! YIPPEE! Can't wait!

Thanks for the prayers...keep 'em comin'!


A FIRST IN ALMOST SEVEN YEARS!

Today is an offical first...the first time in almost SEVEN YEARS that I will *NOT* be taking Kyle in for his counts today...my mom will! I remember giving birth to Riley in July of 2000, and I requested leaving the hospital in 24 hours so that I could get Kyle to his chemotherapy appointment. I left my new baby Riley with my mom to get Kyle into Children's! I have ALWAYS taken Kyle in myself. I wore a mask when I was sick or had a cold sore, I've had others come with us, I've not showered and wore sweats, I've cleaned up and went in, I've drug News crews in, I've dropped EVERYTHING to get in there with him....and today, I'm staying home!

I'm not really staying home by choice...Riley was up all night BARFING and all morning BARFING. I can't bring her in with me, I don't have anyone to really leave her with while she's barfing, and mom had made tons of amazing and ymmy food to bring in to the inpatient unit. Sooo...I called her up this morning and told her she could pick up Kyle from school and take him in herself. She was more than happy to do it, and after all...it really is a quick finger poke appointment. WOW...huge step for Denise today! Not to say I'm not nervous but he is in good hands! I'll just sit home with barfing girl and anxiously await *GOOD COUNTS*!

Now the barfing girl...this one really stumps me. She was so good this weekend, not a complaint, not in contact with anyone really (oh wait, a thought Disney on Ice and millions of little kid germs), but she was playing with her cousins yesterday and she helped work on Kyle's school project with us until 10:30 last night....but WHAM, shortly after 1 am the sickness hit her like a truck. She is rolling around in pain, her belly hurts! I hate feeling helpless and she is rarely ever sick! She refuses medicine, I just wish she'd fall asleep!

Kyle's project (see photos in photo album)
We thought it was due this coming Thursday, but NOPE...we got home last night from mom's house (had to watch the Broncos get stomped on and hung her lights outside for her) around 6:30 pm. I did the old homework check and sure enough, project is due Monday (big YIKES)! It turned out to be so much fun and we all joined in (ok Ty didn't he had a headache)!

He had to do a project on Colorado and Landforms, he had to use salt dough, and label major cities (he included his home of course), rivers, peaks and ranges, elevations, the capital, Continental Divide, and a key/legend.

It took us 4 hours to do but it was so much fun. And since we did it last minute we had to use the hair dryer to dry the paint so we could keep moving. It was great and Kyle is certain he will get an A. He was so proud last night and this morning. I love seeing that in him! Ed took him to school this morning to help him carry it in! It was a blast!

Ok, I think Riley just passed out...nope I heard movement! Any suggestions for a big fat belly ache??? I can't leave her here alone and I don't have Sprite or Ginger Ale...I'm a bit stuck I guess! Those were my first two methods of therapy! HMPF!

Good counts for Kyle, no more barfing and belly aches for Ry, and Ty...well hopefully he just makes good choices today! And heck, why not add a nap in for Denise!

Thanks for stopping in...thanks for the guestbook entries, Kyle is one cute kid isn't he? The compliments are much appreciated!

Ta Ta for now...
Nurse Denise

Sunday, December 10, 2006 9:14 AM CST

Good morning,

Not much to report. Yesterday I helped mom work on our heritage album. She has photos dating back to 1911...so amazing looking at the pictures. And they always make me *miss* being a part of that or having the opportunity to know them. There are some war photos of buildings in rubble, black and white photos with unknown faces...very cool!

We sure missed you, Jen and Susie...Jen is so very sick and I'm worried to pieces about her. Please shoot up a prayer for my Jen Jones today, get better soon!!!!

Stephanie took Riley and I too Disney On Ice last night at the new Broomfield Event Center. It was a good time...thanks a bunch for the "girls night out"!

Kyle is doing well. He went to mom's yesterday for more chicken wings and to help her with holiday cookies. Tomorrow afternoon we will get counts. Please pray for *AWESOME* counts because I really, really, really want to up his chemo again. My gut tells me it's time to up it, so please...let us up it!

Last night Kyle and I figured out that it was about 5 more months of treatment to go. Yes, I'm excited and yes I'm VERY SICK about it. I guess it would be what you call a bittersweet celebration. I certainly am in no way going to let my guard down. Cancer sucks, it sucks the life right out of me sometimes and I in no way will let it catch me off guard again! Kyle says it's gone for good...and I hope he is right, but no way will I ever stop looking over my shoulder.

I think I wrote you all about JAKE OWEN and his family. Jake passed away about 6 weeks ago from his cancer, I've asked you all to pray for him and his family. Such a cute little boy...well, I just got news this weekend that his family won 4.4 million (yes MILLION) playing slots this past week. They are going to set up a foundation in his name sometime next year...what an amazing story!

Happy Birthday goes out to DAVIS , and yesterday cute BABY D turned 2! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS, hope your special day was awesome!!!!

Enjoy football Sunday...stinkin' Bronocs...today, no plans and lovin' it!

Prayers for good counts tomorrow (no GREAT counts)...!!!

Denise


Friday, December 8, 2006 7:12 pm

Happy Friday...or TGIF!

Today was a good day! Ed took the day off so we could go downtown (Denver) to have lunch and Christmas shop.

We got downtown and had coffee (ok I had water and yogurt) and read the paper (how romantic huh)!

We then went to Cherry Creek, I couldn't figure out why we drove so far to SHOP when we have PLENTY of places here but I figured that was Ed and he likes the downtown atmosphere better. We went to an amazing toy shop and I got some things for the kids. At 10:30 we started to walk a bit and I suggested we go to the Cherry Creek Mall when he pointed out that he *BOOKED ME A MASSAGE AT 10:30*!!!! Wow, what a surprise and boy oh boy did I need it. My back was like a big fat gravel pit, it felt so nice. I wanted to stay in the locker room and take a nap when I was done!

We then went to lunch at "North" which is in North Cherry Creek (so creative)! And to my amazement, when I glanced over to my right, at the table next to me was (and please don't say "who is that!") Andre Bocelli...ok a very famous opera singer. And they were talking Italian and hanging out and it was pretty darn cool. However, I respect the peace of celebrity and realize he was eating lunch...Ed on the other hand was trying to find a way that I could use my camera phone to take his picture. And I know he is blind and would have NO IDEA...but no way, couldn't do it! Of course, the first call I made when I left was to my mom (thanks for knowing who he was by the way)! Very tall but skinnier than I thought he'd be...and he should be, he only had a plate of fresh fruit for lunch! I think he is in town for a concert...but very cool!

Kyle is doing well. Ed went to a poker party tonight so the kids and I just ordered pizza for dinner. The boys have been quiet lately but Kyle seems good. He made it to school all week and has only been *slightly* moody! It's a bit hard knowing what I am going to get out of him from one minute to the next. Last night, as I was helping him with homework he was getting mad, then teary eyed, but ok by the time he went to bed. I just hold my breath and walk away...maybe that explains some of the gravel in my pit!

It should be a quiet weekend at home! Not much planned, a few girls coming over to scrapbook tomorrow. I don't think I can stomach watching the Broncos this weekend (call me a bandwagon fan if you must but I'm not happy)! Maybe I'll get some presents wrapped so the kids can poke and prode and attempt to guess what they are...isn't that always fun! I remember tearing slits in my gifts and blaming our cats for it...then Christmas really stunk cause I knew all of my gifts ahead of time! I tell my kids that story all the time so I "think" they do not peek!

Thanks for stopping in...keep my Kyle in your prayers as he is getting counts on Monday and I'd really like to get him medications upped a bit, I'm not happy with 50 percent dosage (again, that's what he was most of the time the first go round)!

Nighty Night
Denise

Thursday, December 7, 2006 6:51 PM CST

NOT A HAPPY CAMPER...I'M A PUDGY CAMPER (guys might not want to read today, it's a girl thing)

What in the heck happend to me...??? Now for those of you who saw Tammy's guestbook entry after my whole HO HO ordeal know that I have never been a big girl. I've faithfully worn a size 4 for YEARS! I was the skinny, flat chested (ok still flat chested) girl growing up! I couldn't put on weight to save my life (well pregnancy doesn't count cause I did pack on the pounds there). I HAD to work out to put weight on so people wouldn't make "skinny" comments all the time. And trust me, it really is equally annoying being the skinny girl. "You need to eat" "You are too skinny" "Gain some weight would ya" "Oh we only wish we had that problem"! Now to me, skinny is those size 0 and size 2 celebrities that we all oogle at (and I'm talking about the ones that wear panties)!

So as you can imagine, I have TONS of size 4 clothing in my closet. Years of accomplished shopping, hanging in my closet!

This week, IT OFFICALLY HAPPENED and I can no longer fit my a$$ in a size 4. I tried to ignore it, pretend it was my imagination. For weeks I kept telling myself it was just PMS or bloat (I'm even trying a bowel cleanse for goodness sakes but that's a whole 'nother story). I got out of the shower and made one final attempt to fit my bottom into my favortie size 4 jeans, I got them over my butt but there was NO WAY IN HELL those suckers were going to get zippered, not even laying down and holding my breath. Hmpf...I tried on another pair, and another pair, and another for grins...then I grumbled and cursed and grabbed the same *bigger* jeans out of the dirty clothes basket that I have worn EVERY DAY this week. It's offical...and I'm not very happy...I am a 6! I'm the actress that feels FAT cause she is the bigger size on the set!

For all of you who have told me my eating HO HO's would catch up with me someday...it happened. However, I was told that wouldn't happen until I was 40 (liars)...and that when it did happen (thanks to those wonderful things called hormones I'm also told) I would grow boobs! Well I wanna know where the hell the boobs are...cause those didn't grow this week!!!

So here is my thought process...I am either offically a size 6 now OR there is something wrong with me! I have an "appointment" (and you gals know which one I'm talking about) December 22nd. Once that's over, I'll then offically decide if I should donate my size 4's!

I did go to the store today to buy several pairs of size 6. I caught crap from my husband for buying them because I have "tons of jeans" in my closet...but what good are they if they don't fit his fat wife anymore, didn't he hear me...they are all size 4 and I can't fit my a$$ in them anymore!!!??? Although, I don't feel fat...bloated for some reason but not fat! Hmpf! Even my wedding rings have been tight! I've google searched on "fat hands" and "swollen hands" but didn't find much!

Wonder what it is...really hormones? Too much salt intake? Any suggestions? And thanks Lynn for actually being concerned as well...I appreciate the girl talk!

On that note, Kyle is still doing well. He has this weird rash on his elbow and has had it for weeks. It won't go away and it itches. Dr. Albano told me to put hydrocortisone on it but it's still bugging him. I put more on tonight...the last thing I want for him is to have a biopsy done. You always have to stay on your toes with cancer as you just never know!

I also walked through the mall ALL DAY today and am totally exhausted. Stephanie is on her way over to watch Grey's...which sadly is a repeat! Maybe I should go to the gym instead...just kidding!

Have a tremendous night! I really am not complaining to bad about the size 6 thing...I actually talked myself into liking it today! Aside from the pudge in my belly area anyway!

Must go...Riley is circling every item in the American Girl catalog, she wants it all. And so much for my theory of teaching my children to *GIVE*...I gave Riley $10 this morning to go to the Christmas shop at school to buy presents for everyone and she came home with a bouncy ball, nail polish, a teddy bear, and marbles...all for herself to enjoy! And yes, Kyle got $10 and shopped for his family...! I guess I need to continue working on her!

Ramble...ramble...
Denise

Tuesday, December 5, 2006 9:35 PM CST

HAPPINESS IS:

I am almost done Christmas shopping and even got all those "oops I forgot about this person!"

UNHAPPY IS:

I came home and typed up my entire update about my last two days of shopping and Caringbridge isn't working and didn't record a single word I typed (and you know how long my updates can be)!

HAPPINESS IS:

The fact that I am still *fighting* with Cingular and still do not have a cell phone. Oh my gosh, my last week and a half have been so stress free without a cell phone. Once I got over the initial feeling of "oh my gosh what if there is an emergency and I am the only person in the world who could solve it" fear that I have...I LOVE NOT HAVING a cell phone!

UNHAPPY IS:

I am still obviously stressed out to the point that I have this *HUGE* *ENORMOUS* *TWISTED* knot in just under my right shoulder blade that has caused me enough pain that I popped an ALEVE today...and the sucker keeps me up at night in pain. Even Kyle's boney elbows can't tackle this baby!

HAPPINESS IS:

Kyle is doing very well still. He returned back to school on Monday with three dozen Krispy Kremes to share with his class. He was the hit for the day...not only was cute Kyle returning to school but he brought yummy treats with him!

UNHAPPY IS:

Tian went home today with a stomach bug...and he sits right next to Kyle in class!

HAPPINESS IS:

The way the kids light up when they are buying Christmas gifts for dad and their friends! (I'm trying real hard to teach them to be more giving, even though Riley about had a heart attack when she bought a gift for Taylor that she really wanted for herself)

UNHAPPY IS:

The amount of grinchy people who are out in forces already trying to buy gifts and smirk and grunt the whole time doing it!

HAPPINESS IS:

I just love my kids to pieces and they are growing into such amazing people right before my very eyes!

UNHAPPY IS:

Too many children are being diagnosed with cancer and my "favorites" list is slowly diminishing to stupid cancer and I'm scared and sad.

Please continue to keep Baby Donovan in your prayers as he is in need of a miracle:

www.caringbridge.org/in/babydonovan

Now hopefully this update will go through and I can get ready for bed!

A tired, shopaholic, cancer mom (who believe it or not, has not bought one single thing for herself while Christmas shopping...I actually have my own "list" this year)

** Mom is bringing food to inpatient on Monday afternoon, spaghetti, sauce, meatballs and Italian sausage. If anyone is interested in cooking, baking, donating, or joining us...just let me know, Kyle has a finger poke (counts) Monday afternoon! **

Tuesday, December 5, 2006 9:12 PM CST

Kyle is doing very well. He made it back to school on Monday morning and we delivered three dozen Krispy Kremes right along with him. The class cheered me on as they delayed their spelling test to eat the dougnuts while they were still hot! Ooooh YUM!

Today was another good day for Kyle. He looks good and acts great. I think he is the goofiest kid I know. Ty swears something is wrong with him...and Riley says, "too much chemo to the brain!" Kyle never uses the word "I" either, he always refers to himself as "Kyle" or in the third person. A bit strange but VERY cute! An currently he is obsessed with squirrels, not sure why...but they are his *thing* and just the mere words make him laugh out loud!

I have spent the full day Christmas shopping. It's funny because I start out all slow and happy, thinking it's *great fun* and I just laugh at the *crazy people* out there. You know the ones, the big grumpy grinch like face that sigh if your cart is blocking theirs and actually stress when they think you are about to look at the same thing they are looking at? The ones who have a heart attack if they don't get front row parking...and then they grab the first cart they see and literally sprint into the store? I laugh...it humors me!

The only frustrating thing I have encountered thus far is finding an employee that has THE KEYS ! The keys to all the electronics and video games and Ipods. And then, like I am some teenager getting ready to pocket the darn things...I either have to pay at their register, or they will "hang onto it until I am ready to check out up front!" Like that's not annoying because I have done option 2 in the past and finding which frickin' register they set it at "up front" is a chore in itself. So now with a nice smile, I immediately pay at their register (once I actually find them)! I think they have it down though...I think they make you wait an eternity for them to show up with THE KEYS...and then instead of looking at a game and viewing the back to see if my kids are capable or old enough to even be playing the games...I am just thankful they arrived, ask for numerous games and just pay for them at their register! They must see "SUCKER" tattooed on my forehead!!!

But really...I like Christmas shopping. I enjoy it...until I become obsessed with FINISHING! I am so happy when I am almost done shopping and even included the people that I say to myself, "crap I forgot that person!" I can finally say, I really truly think, that after two more gifts...I should be DONE (do stockings count though, cause I hate stockings...I hate buying $1 item things that will either end up in the trash or in my dogs mouth)!

And here is the TRUE shocker...I haven't bought myself one darn thing. I usually slip a few things in for myself and this year...not one, nada, zero, ziltch thing (ok at least not yet)!

I think I better spend tomorrow cleaning my house now! Wow, a tornado blew through while I was shopping these past two days. I'd be truly embarassed if anyone showed up unexpected. Tomorrow...I'm cleaning, I'm staying home and cleaning...really I am! Ok, I'm trying to convince myself of that anyway!

Kyle's next appointment is Monday, just a finger poke for counts. Mom is planning on bringing in food to the inpatient unit that afternoon. If anybody is interested in tagging along, want to bring something in as well, or donate something to bring in...just let me know! So far she is doing Italian...spaghetti, sauce, meatballs and Italian sausage! YUM!

Guess that's it for now...thanks for the tremendous amount of prayers and please include sweet Baby Donovan in those prayers, they sure need a miracle and my heart breaks for them...www.caringbridge.org/in/babydonovan!

A tired, shopaholic, cancer mommy!

Sunday, December 3, 2006 5:42 PM CST

Hello...we are just settling in to watch the Bronco game. This is a very scary time in Denver as Jake the Snake is out and we have Mr. Cutler in. The poor kid looks scared to death to start and I sure hope he makes a great first impression.

Today, Kyle is feeling much better! He still has those dark circles under his eyes and is on the pale side but no complaints here. My guess is school is a go for tomorrow, bring on those Krispy Kremes.

We took Kyle and his buddy Tian to lunch at Rock Bottom Brewery. Kyle made *two* pizzas for himself and a "make your own sundae" for dessert. Then, at the movies he ordered some sour little things, a LARGE popcorn, and an even BIGGER water bottle. We saw Deck the Halls and I can tell you all to SAVE YOUR MONEY! That was not a good one, probably not even worth renting. It was only an hour and half long and my guess is it was about one hour and 29 minutes too long. Oh well...just thought I'd warn you all!

Needless to say, the two of them are upstairs giggling away and having a GREAT TIME. Tian is here until about 6 tonight and it's so wonderful to see him and Kyle being *goofy* and having fun!

I got this letter from Kyle's teacher that I want to share. I know I've talked about Tian before as he is an AMAZING little friend and always greatly concerned for Kyle. He stopped by to visit Kyle on his birthday friday and he told me he was so sad Kyle was gone that by Thursday, he was "praying so hard" at Kyle's desk saying, "please please please God let Kyle come to school on his birthday (Friday!)!" He then said he was so very sad when Kyle didn't make it.

Anyway, Mrs. Conley and I have exchanged a few emails and this is from her latest:

"So I realized that after I sent you my email this morning that I forgot to tell
you this little story as well. I don't mean to bring tears to your eyes...but
I'm afraid it might! (It did for me!)

This month Tian Tran was chosen as Coyote of the Month for our class. So the other day I handed him his letter that notified him and after reading it, he came up to me with a question. He wanted to know why he had gotten the honor
and Kyle did not. He felt that Kyle deserved it far more than he did. I told him Kyle does demonstrate Coyote of the Month qualities, however I chose him this month. He
then asked me if he could give Kyle the honor. He didn't want to take it away from someone who really deserved it. After the day that I had Monday with a classroom full of kids hyped up after the holiday break, it was so refreshing to hear this. Even on Wednesday before leaving for the celebration, Tian asked me again if he really should go since he thought Kyle should be in his place. I was telling the class about this because I wanted them to hear what being a true friend means and I was near tears while telling them. Even writing this makes me get a little misty!

Just thought you would want to hear about this...and to let you know that Kyle is definetly loved here CRE!

Take care!
Erin"

I have always told my children that "it's not the quantity of friends you have, it's the quality!" That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Thanks again for the prayers and stopping in to visit! Hope you all had a fantastic weekend!

Go Bronco's!
Denise

** Don't forget to peek at his birthday photos in the album! Thanks for all the guestbook entries for his birthday, we read them all! **

Friday, December 1, 2006 10:19 AM CST

*** Birthday photos added to photo album ***

HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO KYLE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KYLE...

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY DEEAAR KYLE

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY TO YOUUUU! (and many more!)


Today Kyle is 10...the big double digit birthday that he *just couldn't wait for*!

He still feels yuckky today and is staying home from school again...that makes one full week of hanging with mom (oh joy for him)! I feel bad for him but I really think he is heading in the right direction. Not many complaints yesterday and I haven't heard any this morning YET! I did hear him snuggled up in his bed singing, "Happy Birthday to Kyle!" It was very cute and brought that smile across my face.

Yesterday, I did some Christmas shopping (surprise surprise)! I vowed to do it all online this year but already blew that. It feels good to get some stuff done anyway...the boys are really hard to shop for, and as for Riley...it's hard to buy that *junk* that she has asked for, you know that *stuff* you know she won't touch after Christmas and the *things* you wonder "what in the world made her want that"...such as a diary, some little creature she saw on a commercial that I can't even spell, and of course the American Girl doll that is way expensive and she doesn't even touch the dolls she currently has!!! I mean last year she got that over priced Amazing Amanda and I think she's in the bottom of a box in the basement. And my neighbor swears American Girls look like the bride of Chuckie anyway!

First complaint from Kyle rolled in...tummy hurts and just had a runny poop. Grrr!

Today...I must make a special cake for Kyle. I am so excited for his birthday but very sad he is struck with side effects AND on steroids. Thank you Grandma for the card and money (how'd you guess Kyle loves money, he's the only child I know that has $2500 in the bank)! Thank you Michelle and Hannah Montana (Maddi) for the card...it so brought a huge smile to his face yesterday. Thanks for the well wishes for Kyle...we are thrilled to be celebrating 10 with him this year, it just seems extra special (and I'm sure it is for MANY reasons)!

Sorry to his classroom for not getting those Krispy Kremes today...hopefully he will be back on Monday!

Please pray for those stinkin' side effects to go away! One of Kyle's birthdy wishes is to go see that movie where the neighbors have a battle over Christmas lights (sound familiar anyone?)!

Enjoy your happy Friday...we are tucked in at home trying to get Kyle well!

Thanks for stopping in...birthday photos will be up as soon as I take them!

Good counts and no side effects for me today please...

Denise

Hey...we are almost at 20,000 visitors! Very cool...bet we hit it on Kyle's birthday!!!

Thursday, November 30, 2006 10:19 AM CST

Yikes...today, I woke up thinking "TODAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY" and then I got online only to find out my sweet baby boy DONOVAN relapsed today. His second transplant did not work and they have run out of options for him. I am so sad and heart broken as Melissa is such a fighter and an inspiration to so many! Please keep them in your prayers during this VERY difficult time! I am sickened by their news! Please pray for strength and a miracle for their family!

Kyle is home still today...stomach pains and looking, well, cancer like! Tomorrow is his BIRTHDAY and he will be the big fat 10. I so wanted to the day to be special for him and here he is fighting stinking side effects. He was so excited to have me bring Krispy Kreme's to his classroom and celebrate with his class, and here he is...feeling yucky! My poor boy...! I pray each and every night for him to feel better and I suppose each day he feels just a little better but just not 100 percent yet.

So far, I think we have 6 more months to go (yes, I'm about to hypervenilate) until he is "done"! I asked what he wanted to do to celebrate being off therapy (again!) and he wasn't sure yet. I feel like I am getting drained and tired of cancer and watching him in pain and hurting so he *MUST* be super tired of fighting the fight. I want to give him something to shoot for again...something to keep him motivated to win the battle. I suggested Orlando and Disney World so we could celebrate with the other part of our family that lives there, I suggested Mexico again, or Disneyland. He hasn't decided but he is thinking about it. I'm glad he hasn't tossed Hawaii out there yet, sure LOVE Hawaii but it isn't cheap either! But a cancer mom has gotta do what a cancer mom has gotta do...I'll start selling off my pets if I have to (wink wink)!

I guess I'm off to try and have a decent day now...Baby D just makes me so sad, I can't believe the news as my heart is breaking for them!

Please pray hard for them...sign their guestbook, visit their website...he's such a doll and Melissa and I have become friends through this nasty thing called cancer.

Please pray for my Kyle...our Kyle! I so want him to have a tremendous day tomorrow!

Hugs to all of you...

A very sad cancer mommy

Wednesday, November 29, 2006 10:05 AM CST

LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW...!

I am loving the snow...it's so beautiful here in Colorado. I love the Christmas lights at night and the snow falling, it's very pretty and *festive*!

Yesterday was a cranky day for me...for numerous reasons, but really...I hate seeing Kyle feel like crap! Today isn't much better yet although I am thankful he has not gotten a fever yet (of course I'm not entirely sure of that because those little plastic lens covers on my thermometer are gone so I'm taking his temp with the mom's lips on the forehead trick...probably not a good idea)!

He just woke up, didn't feel warm, hasn't complained of a headache yet but did complain of a tummy ache. I know I haven't said it in awhile but I hate side effects and I HATE cancer more!

I am bummed though, today was Riley's field trip to the museum and I wanted to go...I paid to go! She is so excited to go and last night she claimed she was a bit scared! She says that, "there are so many rules to remember! Like don't be late, the bus is leaving at 9!" She was happy when I pulled up 10 minutes early for school this morning but probably not too thrilled she had to stand in the snow and wait for the doors to open.

This morning was pretty funny! I typically take the kids to school sporting my 7 year old, out of style and out of focus glasses, my sweats and sweatshirt and my bare feet. SO today we are driving in the snow and I told Riley that "I hope the truck doesn't break down cause I have no shoes or socks on, what would I do?" Her eyes got big and then she said, "but mom, you told us when you were little you walked 10 miles to school in the snow with no shoes on at all!" LOL...I had to make a private confession to her and to her alone..."Riley, just between you and me, that's just an old joke parents like to say, honestly...I walked just under two miles in the snow with warm boots, a coat, hat and gloves!" She looked over at me and gave me a very cute smile!

I hope she has a good, safe time on her field trip. Kyle and I will stay bundled up at home...enjoying the snow fall from the warm indoors!

Please continue to pray for Kyle Ray. I want him to feel good for his birthday friday! So unfair...!

Thanks for checking in on snowy Colorado...!

Much love and warm hugs...
Denise

Tuesday November 28th, 2006 12:37am

I just ran Kyle to Taco Bell for a bean burrito, no onion and a super duper large Pepsi...! Large Pepsi to cure that large spinal leak headache he is sporting today!

Sally finally called with his ANC 778. Not great but I'll take it for now! We will recheck in two weeks.

Yesterday was alright, he had some blood pressure issues waking up. The lower number dropped down to 27...which is not a good thing! Nurse Vicki sped up his fluids and kept him off his feet until that number increased!

We got home around noon and I was off to cleaning my kitchen. Yes, I overbooked myself and had a Pampered Chef party last night. The turnout was tremendous and we had a great time. I think the last of the crew left at 11:30 last night. Needless to say, I am VERY tired today! Still contimplating a nap!

Friday is Kyle's birthday...he is so excited to turn *double digits*! He would like me to deliver warm Krispy Kreme's to his class on Friday. He'd also like to invite his best buddy to lunch and a movie this upcoming weekend. We are so looking forward to his birthday. It fills me with so many mixed emotions...thankful we've battled the cancer for 7 years, sad he has to endure cancer for 7 years, and so thankful he is turning 10 because I didn't believe in February of 2000 that we'd still be blessed with him in our lives! I can't say enough how amazing and wonderful Kyle is!

Please continue to pray for Kyle...I wish his headaches would subside, his counts would rise, and he enjoys celebrating his 10th birthday (on steroids...YIKES)!

Please include Nancy and Matthew in those prayers as well...Matthew was admitted with a 0 ANC, fevers, mouth pain and an infection! Mom is VERY nervous!

Thanks for stopping in....
Denise



Tuesday 9:41 am

Not a happy girl...Kyle is having a spinal leak headache AGAIN from his spinal tap yesterday!!!!! I have no Pepsi in the house for it, he looks like crap and I updated a HUGE journal from yesterday and my stupid computer messed up and it was ALL GONE when I went to submit it!!! So I will update when I'm not so MAD!!!! Technology...grrrr! Current counts are above, however...never got a full count call from Sally so I have no ANC to report yet!
Maybe I should go back to bed!!!!??? (after I get a Pepsi for Kyle of course)

Saturday:

** UPDATED PHOTO ALBUM WITH GRISWALD LIGHTS DISPLAY **

The Griswalds are done (at least we think we are)!

We spent the last two full days (one sort of cold one) putting lights and decorations up on the house. We moved them around, added more, took a few strands down, ran to the store for more *stuff*, returned the things we didn't like, and put more up.

We are sooo the Griswalds this year that...we put ALL of the finishing touches on the house and no joke...we kept blowing out the circuit to half of our front yard. Ed would run downstairs to flip the switch off and on and run back upstairs. We'd oogle and google for thirty seconds thinking we fixed the problem and they'd shut off again. We would switch lights to different plugs and get different extension cords...

After numerous attempts of getting them to stay on (ok and several attempts at begging the neighbors to allow us to use their outlets) we cracked open a house window and put a cord into our study window (no breaking into our home though, we have two big grumpy German Shepherds who dislike people trying to crawl in through our windows) and for now, they are all working. However, our coffee maker suddenly doesn't work now! How strange is that...? And everytime someone in the house turns on a new light that hasn't been turned on yet, I RUN to the front window to make sure our lights are still on outside. Are we corny or what?

I have to say, the lights are AMAZING...and we are finally the house that I see people stopping by to gaze at. It looks tremendous...I must say so myself! I'll get some photos in the guestbook soon, I am on Kyle's laptop and can't get them on here right now! I'd say the two days of work paid off.

Enough tooting my own horn! When all was said and done, we took all three kids to the mall so they could get their haircut. They look SO ADORABLE (oops am I tooting my horn again?)! We did notice that while we were sitting waiting for Ty's haircut to be done that Kyle has these very bizarre bald spots still. Now those of you who have seen him (ok photo above), he has TONS of hair, lots of it. He was bald when he was diagnosed in 2000 and then bald again from June of 2004 to December of 2005, but he has hair now. Except these two unknown bald spots, both behind each ear and one is very large (huge just doesn't sound nice but THEY ARE). His other hair totally hangs over it and you'd never know, but it's so weird. I asked the hair girl if she thought that the hair would ever grow back and she said she thought it would. I wonder if it will, or will we forever be reminded of our journey through cancer (not that the lack of hair is the ONLY thing that will remind us really but you all know what I am getting at)! Oh well, for now...we will take the bald spots! He might disagree later in life!

So you know how I fell asleep last night? I fell asleep thinking about trying to use that stupid red and green pole (invented and sold at Target) that get's longer for you so that you can hang lights in your trees. And I was dreaming about never ending trees and strands and strands of lights and my eyes were crossing and I was tired but I had to keep hanging the lights...but heck, I slept really good once I fell asleep.

I so feel like I am rambling. Next up for Kyle...we have to be at Children's by 8:45 am on Monday for "sleepy room" aka Propofol. I will keep you posted on how that goes, I know the closer we get to being off therapy...the more I want to VOMIT!

I checked on my "other" kids this morning (you know my never ending list of cancer kids) and found that my good buddy Nancy and Matthew need some prayers. He has no counts and some yucky crud going on.

Ok...Kyle is booting me from his laptop! Sleep tight and thanks for checking on us!

Today we are good...
Denise

Thursday, November 23, 2006 8:27 AM CST

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!

I can't believe it's already Turkey Day. A time to give *thanks* for all that we have. A time to spend with your family...cooking, laughing, watching football and most importantly (ok not even watching Grey's Anatomy tonight, but of course I will) EATING TURKEY DINNER...the best meal of the entire YEAR! Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, salad, rolls, pies, cheescake, a nice glass of wine...and even those nasty cranberries that slop out of a can that I refuse to eat (but this year I will *TRY* them because the radio told me how great they are for me...filled with antioxidants)!

I realize as Thanksgiving comes every year that "wow, this year really zipped by!" I am so thankful for many, many things. I'm thankful for my children and that Kyle is doing well with his treatments. I am thankful each and every day for the ability to hold my children close to me, hugging and kissing them whenever I want (and trust me, it's A LOT)!

I'm thankful for our home that we had the joy of building 6 and a half years ago, my pets that keep me from falling asleep and always find a way to wake me up at least twice a night to pee or bark, my busy but supportive spouse, the ability to feed and dress my children each and every day, my friends who lend me a shoulder to cry on in good times and bad, my supportive family near and far, my cancer moms and their families who hold me up when my knees are weak, and the good Lord for blessing me with an amazing life that I sometimes take for granted but try hard not to...and my health (although sometimes questionable I still have it, because if you are a cancer mom...you know every other month you think you have cancer as well).

I hope each and every one of you takes a moment to give thanks for all that we do have and not focus on the bad or negative. Today...for one day, let's choose to be positive, loving and thankful all day long!

Much love...
Denise

And now...for those of you who have RUSHED to pass by Thanksgiving and start with the Christmas hub bub...just you wait, I have a rule that I MUST wait until the day after Thanksgiving to drag out my MANY BOXES of Christmas decorations (seems I am the only one with that rule in this town)...BUT...my brain is ticking and I'm ready to decorate my typical Griswald style this year! I didn't sleep a wink last night cause I was like a kid on Christmas Eve "how am I going to decorate this year" "do I have enough extension cords" "I think I do but I could probably use those thingy ma dealies that you can plug more than one thing into" "oh darn the stores are closed today and Friday will be nuts" "I wish I was all ready to decorate" "how will we get the house lights up this year" "I should really help my mom decorate this year"...ok train of thought broken, surprise my dog (Kyle's dog) is barking to come in...