History

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

To look upon her Angelic face on the day she was brought to us was a day of great joy.
Little did we know that our precious Angel was not to stay with us for very long.
God sent her to us for a short time so that we could enjoy all of the love that she was able to give.
In the short time that she was here, she loved her family wholeheartedly with her little but precious heart.
Her name is Rhianna for a reason. She was of God and then returned to him with all of the love that her family had given to her.
A mother's love for her child never ends it grows and grows and never stops even after her death.
A father's love for his child is like a bright shiny star shines as bright as the love he has for his child that will never diminish.
When you have siblings, they learn that each life is precious and to enjoy what little time there is and to also understand that family comes first and foremost.
A family whole and a family broken will learn to love one another for the love a child lost will unite them and make them stronger.

Love you Rhianna always xxxx

Monday, December 25, 2006

MERRY CHRISTMAS BABY GIRL

I love you sweetie, I hope you have had a wonderful Christmas with all the other special children Rhianna. I wish you could have been here with us, and sat by the tree and opened your presents. Kaney has turned the lights on everynight and sits and watches them, the big picture of you, is hanging on the wall right by the tree, so we can see you as well. You are my special angel little girl, and we love you heaps Rhianna, Merry Merry Christmas baby xxxx

Saturday, November 25, 2006 5:07 AM CST

I REMEMBER:

I remember the day I gave birth to you
I remember the sweetness of a child so new

I remember our love and "special" talk
I remember your smile, your scent, your walk

I remember the days of watching you grow
I remember when I taught you to tie a bow

I remember all of the things that you held dear
Yes I remember those things so very clear

I try to remember why I had to set you free
But this one thing is so hard for me

Because deep within a Mother's heart
Is a piece of her child with which she cant part

I love you, I miss you and I promise you this
Some day my sweet child we'll again share a kiss.

I love you Rhianna forever.

Hello My Darling Girl,

Has been a hard month Rhianna, both Mummy and Kaney have had our birthdays, Kaney turning 3 the same age you were when you shared your last birthday here with us. Mummy had a nice day baby, but it would have been so much better if you had been here to share it with me. I went out to your grave and sat with you for awhile and talked to you, I took someone very special to me out there with me to see you too, and I cant thank him enough for being there with me and hugging me when I was crying for you.
We miss you so much little girl, it hurts Rhianna as much today as it did the day you left.
Sometimes I think Im going to be ok, then other times it feels like everything wants to come crashing down again. I try so hard to remain strong, I know that you would want me to stay strong, and I try for you baby girl.
I want everybody to remember you, I want everybody to know your name, I dont want you to be remembered as another number in the long line of children taken by cancer. You are so much more than that my darling.
I miss you Rhianna, I miss you more every day, no one ever told me that the yearning for your baby only gets worse. I just want you back, even if its just for one hug, one kiss, one I love you, I miss my baby so much.
If you can imagine a small part of the pain of living without your precious baby, then you are still no where close to ever knowing.
I wake up every day Rhianna and I feel the emptiness in my heart, the first thing I do each morning is look at your beautiful smiling face sitting on my bedside table, and it makes me ache more for you. I want to turn back time baby, and hear you running around the house laughing and playing, I want to see you and have you here with me happy and healthy, most of all I want to be able to touch you.Yet I know I can not,not in this lifetime, and thats what hurts the most baby.
You went through so much my darling, so much pain, so much unknowen of what was happening to you, mummy use to always think why, why her, she doesnt deserve any of this, she is a good girl and would never hurt anybody. I know even though all the pain and sickness you went through baby, you still would smile and be happy, and thats what I try to think about the most now darling, the good happy days we had together.
Rhianna you are my little girl forever, you are in my heart and thoughts every minute of every single day, I love you so much.
I hope you are happy and sitting up there playing in the clouds, and keeping everybody on their toes, bossing them and having them running around after you.
Love your mummy forever xxxxx

I am an angels mum.
I have a little child,
Residing in the heavens,
Way beyond the clouds.

I am an angels mum,
I have a little child,
Rocking in the arms of Jesus
Saviour sweet and mild.

I am an angels mum,
I have a little child,
The vision of a cherub's face,
That I alone can see.
Carried by the angles
Wings to my memory.

I am an angels mum,
I have a little child,
I know no harm will
Come to her, I know
She's safe and warm.

I am an angels mum,
I have a little child.
If you see a teardrop,
Please try and understand
The best thing you can give me
Simply hold my hand.

Thankyou to everybody who still comes and visits Rhiannas page, and leaves messages it means alot, that people still think and remember her.
Deanne, thankyou for your emails, especially the funny ones that make me laugh, its nice to know there is one other person talking to me who knows exactly how I feel, and what I am going through.
David, thankyou for being you, thankyou for being my most dearest friend in the world, you are a beautiful person who always knows what to say to me, thankyou for being here with me for my birthday and for knowing how hard it was for me, I love you.

Goodnight my sweet little girl, you are in my heart and soul always baby xxxxx

Tuesday 24 October 2006

I swear it looked me
Straight in the eye......
But it fluttered wildly
And I wondered why.

In the very smallest voice
It seemed to say
"Yes, you.
Don't go away!"

I was frozen to the spot
As it brushed my cheek.
My eyes crossed,
My knees went weak.

"I'm an angel......"
And then it dived
And dipped
Then cried.....

"They're watching you,
From heaven above....
I'm here to tell you
Of their love.

I felt so warm,
A special light.
Then so suddenly
It took flight!

I could hear
My own heart sing!
For my angel
In training wings!

Just remember
When one flutters by....
It's telling you
"Rejoice don't cry"

Lost ones are in your heart,
And when you pray.
A butterfly comes down
To wipe tears away.

Stay, very still,
Don't move away.
A butterfly
Will come someday.

Rhianna, 15 months in heaven sweetheart, so long baby since youwere here. So much has changed, but not the love I have for you little one. Some days are good baby, some days arent, Kaney still plays with your toys and he talks about you all the time. I was worried that he would forget you, but it proves just how strong yours and his bond was sweetie, he wont ever forget you or stop loving you either.
Remember us always and how special you are, and how much we all miss you and love you, that wont ever change.
I finally got the song on cd that I have dedicated to you sweetie, the words are perfect for you, and I listen to it all the time and think of you. I hope you know Rhianna just how much I miss you.
I will love you always and always.
Love Mummy

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

LITTLE ANGEL:

My precious little angel
She could not stay long.
Enough to steal your heart away
Then force you to be strong.
Enough to show you in a glimpse
How wonderful life can be.
And how no wealth or wordly good,
Could take the place of thee.
Little angel in a cloud
Looking down upon her family.
Feeling forever proud
That for a time, however short,
She had the chance to be
My precious little angel,
So beautiful to see.

I love you Rhianna Marie so very much, and I miss you with every piece of my heart little lady.
xxxxxxxx

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Its been 14 months today sweetie.
I never knew that your heart could hurt so much, I just want to be able to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you and how proud I am of you.
I love you Rhianna.
There is not a day that goes by that I dont think of you and miss you so much.
May you sleep with the angels baby, until we meet again, hugs to you sweetheart, I will always love you.

Time can never erase
The memory of your face.
Or the passage of the years
Stem the volume of my tears.
You are with me for always,
In my heart through out all days.
Then in my dreams nightly
Your star shines ever so brightly.
I want your spirit to remain
Inside of me despite the pain.
To forget you would be a curse,
Beause no memories would be worse
You were born a part of me,
Now you live within the heart of me.
Forever Precious
Forever Young
Forever Loved
Forever Missed.

Rhianna, Kaney and Mummy are watching "Nemo" on tv tonight, and will be thinking of you.
Love Mummy xxxxxx

Monday, September 11, 2006

For You Rhianna, My Little Lost Hero.

You came into my life like a burning flame.
That was your true ticket to fame.
Yet your flame has burned out.
It seems as if only i was to pout.
Others have found ways to carry on.
But in my heart I still hold your song.
You were so early to be taken away.
It hurt so much I can't even say.
But even though we have parted, youre still close to me.
Yet all my pain others can't see.
You're the first person I've lost, but I know you wont be the last.
I know I should put these feelings in the past.
It's been a year now since Ive seen your face.
And my sad feelings move at such a deadly pace.
But everytime I look up to the stars,
I know exactly where you are.
You're in my heart.
At least thats a start.
The birds, the bees,
The flowers, the trees.
They all remind me.
You watch over me day and night.
But Im forlon cause youre always out of sight.
I know you hear my prayers.
And my burdens you help bear.
I never could say a decent goodbye.
I never will know why.
I guess because I still cant think of you as gone.
Maybe thats how I cope with carrying on.
I guess you could say my feet were never on the ground.
But the thought of your voice would be a beautiful sound.
I still have the memories from your funeral a year ago.
Yet when people say you're gone, I say it isnt so.
My mind is full with thoughts of you.
But the memories I have are of a very few.
Now comes the time when I must let go.
And it pains me so.
But I know youre in a better land.
And now I think I understand.
That God chose to take you by the hand.
And even though that part I can not stand.
I know youre better of in the promised land.

I love you so much, and miss you more than you will ever know, sweet girl. xxxxxxx.

Monday July 24, 2006

Your fingerprints are on my heart
Fingerprints that teach me about caring
Fingerprints that teach me about love
Fingerprints that teach me about courage
Fingerprints that teach me about hope
Fingerprints that bring me closer to my loved ones
Fingerprints that bring me closer to myself
In the time I cared for you my whole life changed - never to be the same again
All this from tiny fingerprints that touch my heart.
You will live in my heart forever - never to be forgotten.
I will always love you
You are my child.

My Sweet Rhianna,

Today is 1 year since you left for heaven.
Mummy misses you so much, I think of you the minute I wake every morning. The year has gone by so quickly but the pain of losing you is still with me each and every day.
Oh how, I miss you, every second is filled with sadness that you are gone, though my heart is filled with love and happiness that you gave me, which I will carry forever and ever. Its so quiet and strange here without you, your laughter, your cries, your bossy little voice when you wanted to be bossy.
I am so truely honoured to be your Mummy darling, we will share a bond that will never be broken, even though we are apart now, you will always be in my heart and I hope I will always be in yours.
There are days that everything I look at reminds me of you and I cry.
They say time heals all wounds, really I dont believe that, I dont think you ever heal from losing your baby.
I hope you have lots of friends in heaven with you baby, to play with, and look after y ou and give you lots of cuddles. I know Jacob will give you cuddles baby, till mummy can again. Keep playing and having lots of fun baby girl, I love you so very much and miss you more and more everyday. I love you to the moon, stars, all the way to heaven and back.
I bet you have everyone wrapped around your finger up there, running after you like we use to here. You have given me so much love and 1 day we will be together again.
You truly were a very very special gift Rhianna, that I cherish will all my being.
You are my little hero, who gave me so much joy during your life here.

This is not at all how
I thought it was suppose to be
I had so many plans for you
I had so many dreams
And now youve gone away
And left me with memories of your smile
And nothing I can say
And nothing I can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you but
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
Cause I know this will not be the end
There's a place and a time where ill see your face again
Never have I knowen
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
Why? Why? Why?
I Love You Always and Forever Baby Girl

I Cherish Everything You Have Ever Given Me, Everything Your Hands Have Ever Touched Has Turned To Gold.

You were an Angel on Earth Baby Girl.
I love you.

Love your mummy

"A child that loses a parent is an orphan,
A man who loses his wife is a widower,
A woman who loses her husband is a widow,
There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
For there is no word to describe the pain."

Thursday July 6th 2006

My Dearest Little Girl,

Im sitting here thinking Rhianna its almost a year since you left.
Since I last heard your voice, kissed you and hugged you tight.
I miss you so much, more and more everyday.
Life isnt fair all I can think of is why?why?why?
Why do our children get cancer?
Why do some children do so well on their treatment? Why do some children not do so well and die? What did I do that was so wrong that my baby died? What went wrong with your treatment, why didn't it work for you?
It hurts so much to know that I can't have you here with me. People say it will get easier, but i doubt they have been through it.
How can it get easier knowing every day that your precious baby has gone.
I have missed so much, your beautiful sweet little voice and laugh, your gorgeous little head of red soft hair, your sweet little kisses and tight cuddles, your bright blue eyes, when ever someone came to see you.
I miss everything my darling little girl.

Could we ever forget you sparkling eyes or the way you brightened each day,
Or your smile which is etched in our memories, so you're never far away?
Could we ever forget those priceless moment?
The answer of course is never.
For you were part of my life for a short time,
But you'll be part of my heart forever.

Love always your mummy
xxxxx

Saturday 24th June 2006

My Darling Little Girl,

Its now eleven months sweetheart, since you left.
The pain has not got any easier, it hurts as much today as the morning I was told you had died.
Its too long Rhianna, I miss you so much.

I love you with all of my heart, always and forever my darling girl.
Fly high and be happy baby, mummys thinking of you always.
xxxxx

Thankyou Deanne for all your lovely messages, especially when you are going through so much yourself, it means alot.

Thankyou to my best friend, you are amazing and very special to me, you are always there for me, and always find the time to ring me and talk and make me laugh, you are a truly special man, I love you, thankyou.

Monday, June 19, 2006

MY HERO RHIANNA MARIE,

Heroes are made of many things,
Some have feet and some have wings.
Some use brains and others just looks;
Some are alive and some found in books.
Some do good deeds by making choices;
Others do theirs by using their voices.
They use their talents to dazzle and reign,
And sometimes fight with terrible pain.
But hereos they are, one and all;
Just regular people both large and small.

My hero is so many things,
She once had feet, and now has wings,
Definitely had brains and beautiful looks;
Her trials in life are destined for books.
She did good deeds with lots of charm
Attracted many and did no harm.
Her talents never waxed or waned
Even when going through horrendous pain.
She touched all the lives she met each day
About her, many loving words they say.

Now shes gone, but not forgotten.
Even though the breaks she had were really rotten,
Watching over her loved ones with a smile on her face,
She sends us her peace, her love and her grace.

You are forever in my heart my darling daughter, mummy, daddy and kaney will never ever forget you, you mean the world to me sweetie, always have and always will.
So much has changed baby, Im trying hard to stay strong but its so damn hard, everytime i think maybe im getting somewhere, something else goes and happens.
I love you so much little lady, and not a minute of the day goes past that im not thinking of you, please know that.
Please think of Deanne and her family as they have just had Jacobs birthday and his first year anniversary in heaven, Deanne know i think of you and Jacob all the time, Deanne is such a wonderful person who is always there to help others even with all the grief and hurt she is going through herself.

KEEP MY MEMORY

Keep my memory with you, for memories never die;
I will be there with you, when you look across the sky.
I will be there in the clouds, in the birds that fill the air,
In the beauty of a fragrant rose, you will find my memory there.
You will feel me in the tenderness, of a babys gentle hush.
When your hearts are heavy,and you feel that you are alone;
Just reach down deep inside of you, I will never go away,
For I will live on in your hearts, forever and a day.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

RHIANNA

She came into this world for a very brief stay,
Just long enough to give her love away.
With a perceptive smile your heart she'd pare,
Your coldness she'd melt with a mystical, warm stare.

At the tender age of only three,
The Lord said, "Rhianna, it's time, come to Me.
Your pain is over, your spirit set free,
Come, no more sickness shall you ever see."

So away she flew as on gossamer wings,
To the place where all heaven eternally sings,
Praise and Worship to the King of Kings,
To play in the King's own Garden, amid wonderful things.

Purple flowers which never cease to bloom,
The stems of which, funny little ladybugs scurry to groom.
Myriads of fireflies whose lights never dim,
And giant mushrooms growing chest high to the rim.

"Tis a Garden just for young souls to explore,
At the Tree of Life whose fruits restore,
On the shore of the River that flows from the Master's Throne
A place of music and joy where you're never alone.

It's just inside Heaven's Gate,
Where little Rhianna does happily wait,
For that joyful reunion, just inside the Heavenly Door,
With all her loved ones,never again to be parted,
Forever more.

by D.R. Hartle
www.JamesBrowne.net

This was written especially for Rhianna from James Brownes friend Don, for my little angel.
Thankyou so much once again James, and also to Don.

Rhianna Marie, I love you with all my heart my angel girl.
xxxxxxx.

KEEP MY MEMORY

Keep my memory with you,for memories never die;
I will be there with you, when you look across the sky.
I will be there in the clouds, in the birds that fill the air;
In the beauty of a fragrant rose, you will find my memory there.
You will feel me in the tenderness, of a baby's gentle hush.
When your hearts are heavy, and you feel that you are alone;
Just reach down deep inside of you,I will never go away,
For I will live on in your hearts, forever and a day.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

You will always be the light in my life, and may it forever shine to let me know of your presence with me always.
Rhianna, my precious little angel girl, I love you and miss you so much my little sweetheart.
You were the light in our lives, you opened our eyes to so much, and the amazing strength and willpower you had through everything was amazing.
You will never ever be forgotten my precious angel girl. You have the best place in my heart for evermore.

I know no matter what I say, think or wish, or how much I love you, you cant come back.......
I do wish I could change that though Rhianna.

I wish we had more time together.....to see you grow up into a even more beautiful girl that what you already are, to see you and Kaney grow even more closer together, if that was at all possible, I know you two would of been the best of mates for life, you meant so much to each other.
Time....I needed so much more time with you baby girl, I wanted so badly to get through this with you darling, you , me, Daddy and Kaney.

I know you were sick Rhianna, and had been for a long time, but you looked so good baby, you did not look sick. "CANCER" is such an unfair, cruel word that no one should have to go through the pain and grief from, especially our precious children. I know you fought hard baby, and mummy and daddy are so proud of you for doing that, But I dont understand baby, why you left when you did, there were so many times earlier in your sickness when you were extremely sick, yet you were doing so well, you had got through so many obstacles, then you were gone, why??
I cant understand that part sweetie.
I keep thinking what if I had noticed earlier something was going wrong, what if you were trying to tell me something was wrong, and I just didnt understand.
I wish I could have saved you Rhianna, I really do baby.
I was so happy to have you here in my life as your mummy, but I cant get use to the thought even after 10 long hard lonely months, that you are gone. Somedays I feel im going to wake up from this bad nightmare, to see you laughing, and playing in your room with Kaney, where you should be.
Its not going to happen though is it.

My darling girl, know how much I love you, miss you, and think of you every day.
I am so proud of you, and so proud to be your Mummy.

"Cuz you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart
Always
I'll be there always
Always.....
I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and Always."

I love you, fly high my little girl, fly high.
Love Mummy
xxxx

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother
And I heard him say.

A mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My mummy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mum
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My mummy set me free.

I miss my mummy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mummy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in my home
And this is where they'll stay

They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on that day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

I love you sweet angel girl so very much.
I miss you more than I ever could have imagined I would have missed anyone. My heart feels empty Rhianna without having you here with me. You are such a special little girl, and one who is missed dearly.
Fly high my little one.

Love your mummy
xxxxxxx

Tuesday May 2nd 2006

I see nothing is changing
As the realization sinks in
I see the fight is over
...... And we didn't win.

There you are, suffering
And I'm over here perfectly fine
I feel terrible and instead of yours
I wish it were mine.

It just isn't fair
And I don't understand "why"
I wanted you to surpass this
I didn't want to see you die.

It has taken so many lives
It definitely shouldn't be taking yours
Yet, I watch it happening
Seeing it as it scores.

You don't deserve this
And I wish you were free
To live your life
And forever staying beside me.

There are no words that can make this deep pain go away.
Knowing your child is dead is not easy, it is hell....... and an emptiness that will never leave you.

The more you loved........ the deeper the pain, I really miss you Rhianna, I love you so much sweet angel.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

We are connected, my child and I by an invisible cord not seen by the eye,
It's not like the cord that joins us til birth this cord can't be seen by an eye on earth
This cord does its work right from the start
It binds us together attached to the heart
I know that it's there though no one can see
The invisible cord from my child to me
The strength of this cord is hard to describe it can't be destroyed, it can't be denied
Its stronger than any man could create it withstands any test, can hold any weight
And though you are gone, though you're not here with me the cord is still there, but no one can see
It pulls on my heart, I am bruised, I am sore but this cord is my lifeline, as never before
I am thankful that God connects us this way
A mother and child, death can't take it
AWAY.....

My baby, my daughter, my little girl,
Forever in my heart, until we meet again.
I love you forever and more.

Monday 24 April 2006

Hello my darling little girl, its 9 months today sweetie since you left us, i miss you Rhianna so much, and I love you with every piece of my heart. I hope you are happy and free honey, always remember mummy loves you and is so very proud of you and thinks of you every minute of every day.
Give Jacob a cuddle from his mummy too.
Fly high my little angel always.
xxxxxx

Saturday, April 15, 2006

This is a copy of the painting that James Browne did of my beautiful little girl, the copy does not do justice to the actual painting of rhianna, but it gives you an idea of what i was talking about.
This is one incredible talented man for what he did for me, and the painting which is framed will always be one of the most treasured memories that i have of you Rhianna, it makes you look so happy and peaceful, which mummy hopes you are honey.
Thank you again Nicole, and James, it means alot.

Happy Easter my darling girl.
Wish you were here sweetie with me, eating your easter eggs, and getting in a big mess with kaney.

10 months in heaven today Jacob, fly high sweet boy, Deanne you are in my thoughts.

I love you Rhianna always, and miss you so damn much.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

My Baby Daughter:

So many days
Have passed me by
I want you back
I sit down and cry

How do I cope?
I really dont know
I want to fall in a heap
But I keep on the go

Thinking of memories
I end up with a tear
I know you can see me
I can feel you are near

You send me signs
To brighten my day
To let me know
That you are ok

My broken heart aches
It is oh so sore
I think of you
And the tears just pour

Well i must go now
To fight another day
Please dont forget
Youre in my heart to stay

Hello my baby girl, i hope you had a wonderful birthday the other day sweetie, and that you know how much your mummy loves you and misses you. Did you like your presents baby, and did you get all the lovely coloured balloons that were let go for you? I hope so darling i really do.
Mummy tried her hardest for you on saturday darling, it went pretty well until someone decided they needed to cause me more grief. I hope you watched little kaney blow out your candles for you too honey, and you liked his present he made for you.

There are a few people i would just like to thank now.
First Deanne, thankyou for all your sweet messages in Rhiannas guestbook, plus the messages for her on your angels page, and for all the lovely emails you have sent me lately, they mean alot.
To my sister Nicole, thank you so much Nic for what you did for me, the painting of Rhianna is so beautiful just like she is, i love it so much, and i thank you for getting it done for me.
To James Browne an amazing man, this man painted a beautiful picture of rhianna, he copied her picture from a photo and painted rhianna as a beautiful fairy with lovely blue wings, playing happily in a forest. What you did for me, I will never ever forget, you are a very special man, and I thankyou for all your emails and lovely words.
Lastly to my best friend in the world, thankyou so much for always being there for me, thankyou for taking the time to make sure every day that I am ok, you are a very special person to me you know that, you always know when to pick up the phone and ring me, when im sad and just want to cry, you are always there making me laugh and saying silly things to me sending me emails and text messages, you too are a wonderful man, and I cant ever thankyou enough for being there for me since Rhianna left,i love you and you have a very special place in my heart for ever.

Rhianna I love you with all of my heart angel girl.
You are in my thoughts every minute of every single day.
Fly high my darling, mummy loves you always.
xxxxx

Saturday 1st April 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY RHIANNA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

Happy 4th Birthday my beautiful girl.

I would like to start this entry for you, with two messages that were sent to me, to be put on your page for you.

Happy Birthday to our little angel Rhianna. I miss your sweet little smile, and wish you were still here so we all could hold you in our arms.
Love Aunty Mandy

Happy Birthday to our little Princess; Dancing in Heaven in your pretty dress. Today is the day you turn 4; each day that goes by we miss you more.
Love Aunty Donna, Uncle Paddy, and cousins Lachie and Brandon.

I know there will be a party today in heaven baby.......
I will also be trying to celebrate here too Rhianna,
Your Birthday
Your Life
Your Memory
I hope you can see me
And see how much I miss you my darling girl.

Dear Angel Rhianna,

4 years ago today baby you were born.
The first time I saw you and held you in my arms, I loved you. I looked down at your little chubby body and knew then, that I would never stop loving you, with every breath I take.
Today is going to be a hard day for mummy, baby, being your birthday, you should be here with your family.
The pain of a mummy losing her child is almost more that I can bear, its the worst pain I have ever felt sweetie. The pain goes for a little bit but comes back stronger, its like a knife and its cutting you slowly.
But I do want you to be free of pain sweetheart, cause thats not fair for you to have to go through all that.
You are my true angel, you will always be in my heart, and a part of me will always be missing.
As much as I am hurting I know that you will always be apart of our family.
I dont want to let you go, I want you here with me.
But where you are you wont have to cry anymore, you will know no more pain, no suffering, no needles, no medicines, you are free sweetheart from all of those yucky things.
You were so perfect to me Rhianna.
No one could have told me that day you were born, that my baby would not be with me on her 4th Birthday, but you aren't here, and I miss you so bad.
Rhianna, you touched so many lives with your open heart and smile, that even a stranger was a friend in a very short while.
Well my little angel, if your looking down on me from above.
You will know how sad mummy is without you, but you know mummy looks forward to when she can see you and hold you again.
You will always be with me, for I carry you in my heart.
I love you Rhianna.
Happy Sweet Birthday
My little Angel Girl.

Thursday 30th March

My mum is a survivor
Or so Ive heard it say
But I can hear her crying at night
When others are all in bed
I watch her lay awake at night
And go to hold her hand
She doesn't know Im here with her
To help her understand
But like the sands on the beach
They never wash away
She thinks of me everyday.
She wears a smile for others
A smile of disguse
But through heaven's door I see
Tears flowing from her eyes
My mum tries to cope with death
To keep my memories alive
But anyone who knows her knows
It is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mum
Through heaven's open door
I try to tell her angels
Protect me forever more
I know that doesnt help her
Or ease the burden she bears
So If you get the chance go visit her
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she says
No matter what she feels
My surviving mummy has a broken heart
That time wont ever heal.

"My baby, my daughter, my little girl.
Forever in my heart, until we meet again."

Tuesday 28th March

Hello my sweet one
It is your mummy,
I have not forgotten you.
Your physical location may have changed
For you are no longer here in my arms
But in heaven now.
To me you will always be in my heart,
My spirit and my thoughts.
Although we did not have much time together
We created a bond everlasting.
For I do not just miss you in the moment
I will forever miss our future together.
You are more than my angel, you are my hope.
I had dreams for you and visions of you.
I could hear your laughter,
Feel your hugs,
And see your eyes.
To me you will always be perfect in every way.
To me you were created just right.
You are not "replaceable".
You were not something that "was not meant to be".
You are a miracle.
You are an inspiration.
You are my dream almost come true
But God wanted you in a better place than this; his arms.
So although my heart is eternally shattered,
Be in your new home.
Laugh, smile, dream and love for you are never alone.
I will always be with you and
You will always be with me.
You are the angel in my prayers,
The stars in my sky.
The shine in my eyes,
And the beat of my heart.

I love you Rhianna.

Friday 24th March 2006

Its 8 months today, since my darling Rhianna became an angel in heaven. I just cant believe its been that long already.
I miss her more and more everyday,more than words can say.

To My Darling Little Rhianna,

Its now been 8 months little girl, since we have seen your beautiful face, held you in our arms, told you that we loved you, heard your happy little voice, and laugh, its been far too long Rhianna.
There are so many things that remind me of you Rhianna, and I know I will always be reminded of you through out the rest of my life.
You were an angel on earth, and I know you are a angel in heaven now, watching over your family.
You taught me more about life in the 3 years we had you, that I think I would of ever learnt.
You touched so many peoples lives that we met along the way, and I know your purpose was to do all those things. I wanted eternity with you and one day I will get it.
Its so hard to go through the day without seeing something, or thinking of something that reminds me of you.
Even for the short time mummy and daddy had with you, we do feel extremely blessed to have you as our daughter. But we wanted you to be healed here Rhianna, and to stay with us.
We wanted you to have lots of friends, go to school, and have a happy normal life, most of all we wish you didnt have to go through so much pain, and that we didnt realise that it was the end, that morning you died.
Mummy and Daddy miss you so much Nana, our hearts ache for you and i know it always will.
Be happy my darling little angel, and watch over us please.
Love always and forever,
Mummy
xxxxx

"You are so far away in distance, but you are with us every day in our hearts".

"You will always live inside our hearts
Our deepest thoughts are hard to say
But we love you in a special way
Always remembered and sadly missed too,
Our life will be so different without you."

We Love You

Monday 13th March 2006

In the rising of the sun and in its going down
- I'LL REMEMBER YOU RHIANNA

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter
- I'LL REMEMBER YOU RHIANNA

In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring
- I'LL REMEMBER YOU RHIANNA

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer
- I'LL REMEMBER YOU RHIANNA

In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn
- I'LL REMEMBER YOU RHIANNA

In the beginning of the year and when it ends
- I'LL REMEMBER YOU RHIANNA

AS LONG AS I LIVE, RHIANNA TOO WILL LIVE!!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

Little things have set me off over the past week Rhianna, your mummy misses you so much sweetie, the pain hurts so much babe. I look at little kaney and there is so much of you in him, which is good but sad, because it reminds me what i dont no longer have with you anymore, what you and i have to miss out on now.

Its not long baby until your birthday it scares me Rhianna, you should be here for it, laughing and opening your presents and blowing out 4 pretty candles on your cake,with mummy and kaney, but its not going to happen sweetie is it?

I love you forever my little girl, always and forever, you will have my heart my darling.
Fly high gorgeous girl.

Think of another special angel this week taken far to soon, Jacobs 9 month anniversary is in a few days, Deanne please know you are in my thoughts, and Jacob sweetie, you fly high, with Rhianna.

For two special angels.

Thursday 2nd March, 2006

INTO MY HEART

You tiptoed right into my heart;
I knew I loved you from the start
That tiny hand, that baby face.
A world of filigree and lace.
Your smile, your voice, so sweet and dear,
You filled my world with endless cheer.
You own my heart, dear little one,
You filled my world with endless fun,
Togetherness, each hug, each kiss-
Tis all of these that I miss.
I loved the times I tucked you in,
The mornings would our day begin.
Dear little girl, you'll always be
The whole wide world and all to me.
I'm thankful for each hour we spent
And all the happiness you lent.
It matters not that we're apart,
You'll always live within my heart.

This is a letter that was read out at Rhiannas funeral on behalf of myself and Rhiannas Daddy.

To Our Dear Little Angel,

You came into our life,
You touched the hearts of all of us in a way we cant describe.
The joy you gave us for three short years will never be forgotten.
Your spirit lives within our hearts,
Your face etched in our minds.
So anytime we're feeling sad,
We'll go outside and find a star thats shining O so bright.
We'll look towards it with a smile, blow you a kiss and wish you goodnight.
Good - bye our sweet little angel,
Let your soul rest in peace,
And your spirit guide us through every tomorrow.

I love you Rhianna.

Friday 24th February 2006

I CRY

I Cry not for you, but I Cry for me.
I Cry not because you are gone from me,
But because you left me behind.
I Cry because, I don't know the beauty and love that you feel and see.
I Cry not because I think you are sad, but because I am sad.
I Cry not because the love is gone, but I Cry because my love for you is so strong.
I Cry for me because I wasn't quite ready to give you up.
I Cry not because you are not here with me, but because I'm not there with you.
I Cry not that your soul was lifted up to heaven.
I Cry because you left us here on earth so full of emptiness without you.
I Cry for me everytime I think of you.
I Cry for your daddy and your brother
I Cry for all of those who loved you so dearly.
I Cry not for you, for where you are.
I Cry for us, for where we are, and that we are not with you.
Every tear drop that falls from my eyes, are tears of joy and of gladness that you were such a wonderful part of my life.
I Cry not to be with you, to experience the beauty, the splendor, and the abundance of things wonderful.
To know what its like for everything to be simply
perfect..........

I Love You Always and Forever.

To My Darling Little Rhianna,

Its 7 months today sweetie, 7 months since you left, since i got to hold you, kiss you, play with you, and tell you how much you mean to me. I love you so much sweet girl.
You will always be my hero darling, in my heart and soul for ever.
You blessed my life with your love, your strength and your courage. Each of these were your gifts to me.
You taught me the meaning of together.
Your battle was long and so very hard, but you never complained or moaned.
You are so special my darling angel.
I miss you so much Rhianna, but i refuse to wish you were still here with me that would be so unfair to you.
You tried your hardest and I know it just got to much for you and you got too tired, you were too little baby to have to try and deal with this.
I believe that as we pass we earn our wings,
But there is a small part of me that believes,
You already had your wings baby,
Here on earth.
We just couldnt see them.

I love you so much and miss you my sweet girl.
Fly high my darling beautiful little girl, fly high.
Love always your mummy xxxxxx

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Hello baby, mummy did something stupid with youre last journal entry, and somehow deleted it, so i would just like to put the poem back on here again for you.

MY RED HEADED ANGEL

One glorious day, a red headed angel came our way.
She touched the heart of all in a very special way.
The love around her it did grow,
In every person she met as you know.

She brightened our spirits, with her play,
We fell in love with her in every way.
She danced and smiled her joy it did spread.
God bless this angel with hair so red.

It seems a very short time ago
God blessed us with this angel you know,
That could lift our hearts when we feel low,
This little red headed child with the special glow.

Now we all wonder why god would take her away
It was only a short time he would let her stay.
How could this be, to take the rainbow that brightened our way?
Has god made a mistake on that fateful day?

How can we survive without the love she brought
This we are consumed with in every thought
But then i suddenly came to see
In my heart she is always with me.

Now, time it is said will heal,
The hurt will pass from this terrible ordeal.
I will never forget as long as i shall live,
The sweet little angel, and the love she had to give.

The last thing I have to say
God blessed us when the little red headed angel came our way,
And we shall meet her in heaven again
So, please, little red headed angel, watch over us til then.

We love you sweet girl, and miss you so much Rhianna.
Fly high my darling, little angel, fly high.
Rhianna 6 months old

Sunday 12th February 2006

Hello my darling little sweetheart,

I miss you my little angel girl. I hope you are happy with all the other special little angels taken away too soon.
From a parents point of view a child like Rhianna, only comes along once. Your mummy and daddy love you very much and miss you terribly baby.
Rhianna Marie, you have my heart and my soul, you have changed my life in so many ways.
Are you happy? Mummy hopes so.
Your my precious angel now. I hope you can see us all, and see how much we love and miss you my baby girl.

I love you my sweet little angel girl, I miss you so much Rhianna, things are not the same here with out you, and your beautiful little personality. You were too special for this world, my beautiful little Red Headed Angel, fly high my sweet darling, I love you with all of my heart.

Tuesday, 24 January 2006 2:39 PM CST

A river runs deep
And so does my heart for you
So remember no matter what happens
I'll be thinking of the very thought of you
So just throw me a lifeline
When you see me sad or blue
And hopefully this will see me through
Because a lifeline is all im holding onto
So please hold onto it forever with me too
You are a special treasure that came true
But you had to leave us all too soon
Always remember my little angel girl
Mummy and Daddy love you

Hello Rhianna my baby girl, today its 6 months honey since you went to heaven. 6 months since i last got to see your beautiful face, hold you in my arms and tell you i love you, i miss you so much beautiful girl.
Things are so different without you being here, its so hard baby, things werent meant to turn out this way, you were meant to stay here with mummy and kane, and be healthy not end up sick like you did, lifes not fair sometimes baby.
I love you sweetheart, today, yesterday, tomorrow and for always, you will never be forgotten and will always be in my heart. I hope you are happy my sweet girl.

Thursday 19 January 2006 4:42 PM CST

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Rhianna Marie Leitch, was born on the 1st of April 2002, in Auckland, New Zealand,weighing a healthy 9 pounds, and moved to Melbourne, Australia when she was 4 months old.She was a happy, good little baby, but always did have trouble putting on much weight. She was a beautiful little girl, and she always knew how to make you smile. Her baby brother Kane was born in November 2003, and Rhianna loved him dearly. We moved to Brisbane in December 2003, and everything in our life seemed to be going great. Around Christmas time Rhianna seemed to slow right down on her eating, and by the middle of January 2004, she was hardly eating a thing, except drinking bottles of formula. She was taken into the hospital a few times, but the doctors said she was ok, and set us home. By the end of March 2004, she was so skinny and we knew something was very wrong, a pediatrician finally put her into Mater Childrens Hospital, and put her on tube feeds, he sent her home 10 days later, where she got worse, 2 weeks later she was finally admitted back into the hospital, and we were told she would be in there for quite awhile, till they were satisfied with her weight gain.After spending 6 weeks in hospital, vomiting up her tube feeds regularly, they decided to do more tests, they found out that Rhianna had ulcers in her stomach, but knew that was not the main problem for her not eating. On the 25th of June 2004, a new doctor that had taken interest in Rhianna had her have an MRI Scan, and sadly the news explained everything as to why Rhianna couldnt eat anything. It was discovered that Rhianna had a Juvenile Pilocytic Astrocytoma Tumour, our lives completely changed that day. A couple of days later it was discovered that Rhianna has lost pretty much all of her sight and the specialist said she would never see again, 2 weeks later Rhianna started her treatment, which was chemo once a week for at least 18 months.Rhianna had plenty of operations, including 2 ports put it as one caused an infection, a shunt, a temporary feeding button put in, plus then a more permanent one put in. Rhianna also stopped walking and in November 2004, had casts put on her legs, and we were then told there was a high chance she would not walk again, Christmas Day 2004, we realised properly that Rhianna was actually seeing things again, the pressure had been taken off her eyes, from the fact that her tumour was shrinking.
Rhianna was so determined to prove those doctors wrong that told us she would not see again, or walk again and would not have a normal life.All MRI Scans she had, had proved that the chemo was working, and that her tumour was starting to shrink, i could see we were going to get through this awful nightmare and have our special girl.On the 15th of June 2005, Rhianna was in hospital for a week getting a new stomach tube put in, and having her last MRI Scan, it did not show that the tumour had shrunk anymore, but the specialist was still happy with the way her treatment was going.
Sadly on Sunday morning the 24th of July 2005, my beautiful little girl, died in her Granny's arms on the way to the hospital, she was a little bit sick the night before, but was on the way to the hospital as her stomach tube was leaking.
I would never forget being told my baby girl had died, it was the worst day of my life, as i finally had thought just the month before that things were starting to go so much better for her.
Rhianna was a beautiful caring little girl, she loved her brother Kane dearly, and adored being around her family. Everyone that meet her fell in love with her, she will always be loved and missed dearly by everyone every single day.
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Rhianna Marie, i love you sweetheart so much, and not having you here with us hurts so much baby girl, you were and still are a big part of our lives, and you will never ever be forgotten sweet angel.

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