Journal entry by Nicole Fleury —
“Better Men than I”:
This is a quote that keeps repeating in my head over and over and over, ever since Zane’s
diagnosis. It’s a quote Ted Nugent used to respond to “limey” Piers Morgan in an interview
years ago about the men who were drafted to Vietnam!
Although not remotely scalable or specific to men, this is how I am feeling about all the people
who have been sending their love, in all forms!
The generosity is literally unbearable and when I’m alone, brings tears to my eyes.
This is the most humbling experience of my life. I hate asking anyone for anything, I am a fairly
proud and independent guy. I have seen so many people with hardships and my immediate
reaction is to help but the awkwardness of knowing what to say or do keeps me withdrawn and
my addiction to work and my “busy” life is my escape for time to pass. In the end, I rely on
Nicole to “handle” the good and welfare of all people, if I remember to tell her, and yet her workload
and “busy” life is much more than mine. She is always reminding me “people are more
and “busy” life is much more than mine. She is always reminding me “people are more
important”.
No one is a better critic of me than me and when the mirror I look into to judge myself gets
fogged over Nicole wipes it clean and thank God she does! I try to do good most of the time,
but there's always room for improvement, and this experience has shown a major flaw in my
character that I knew was there but always kept out of the mirror.
“Better Men than I” are all the people who have sent all the love, the phone calls, the notes,
messages, cards, gifts, food, donations, etc...
“Better Men than I” are all the selfless warriors who VOLUNTEERED to be donors. I have
beaten this around in my head, again and again, asking myself would I be that selfless...Of
course, I signed up, it’s my son and he’s my responsibility. I can’t imagine any father who
wouldn’t volunteer. My wife keeps saying I’m a hero but to sign up for someone else's
son...those people are heroes. I don’t know everyone who is on the list, but I know a couple
and I will always be envious of everyone for their selflessness. The generosity, the community,
the support has been unbelievable and we are forever grateful!!!
God has humbled me lots before, he’s humbling me now, and he will continue to humble me.
Sometimes it’s small, sometimes it’s big but it’s always when I think I’m in control, I don’t need
help and can do it on my own!
Update:
Zane is doing so well, he looks great, his vision is improving, and he’s HOME!!!
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