🧡💙

“Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working.”

During this season, I have struggled with my words- on how to be a witness to others about God’s peace and provision, and also on how to express just how weary-emotionally and physically- I (we) are at times. 

Truth bomb: times are hard. We have more days of fatigue, shrugs, stress, exhaustion, and grief than we want to admit. Days look like multiple apts for Julia, Liam, myself and sometimes Michael. Infusion treatments with painful and emotional digs and fishes for veins that eventually collapse. Coordinating help for me with the kids (which i think i hate the worst-SAHM pride). Toddler anxiety management, sensory meltdowns and a bunch of “stop blocking your baby sister from your trains!” “Play in your room! It’s safe in there!” “Stay in bed, it’s still dark outside!.” “My bottom hurts mommy & daddy!” “Am i doing enough skills therapy with Julia?” “Can she really not hear in that ear or is she just really good at being selective?” “I need to get better at sign language for her just-in-case.” “How are you feeling today?” “Gosh when will someone find out what’s going on with my body?” “I have another bad ache for the second/third time today.” “My hand is killing me.” “I’m so tired.” “I’m sorry, babe.” “What time is your appointment today?” “Did we feed the dogs?” “I need to have a garage sale!” “I’m so ready for a bigger house.” “When will we get to dream again?”

Better Truth Bomb: God is still good. Even in the rain, I WILL praise Him. He is giving me/us a testimony that we surely couldn’t/wouldn’t make up- and boy does He remind us how He goes before us, goes behind us, and is RIGHT HERE now with us. He is our WayMaker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper, Light in the darkness. Even when I (we) don’t feel it, He’s working. His timing is better than my (our) own. He softly and tenderly watches and hears and holds us. He does not forsake us. The mountains move at His command, and even the stars were made to worship Him. There are also a lot of these in our days: “i love you.” “I am so proud of you.” “God’s got us, baby.” “One day...” “mommy, I love baby sister. She’s my favoritist ever.” “Aww, I kiss it and make it better.” “Mommy, let me hold sister!” “Liam had a good poop”. “Liam tried a new food!” “X is going to come help today!” “X is going to take care of the kids so I can do this by myself and have alone time.” “Julia hit her milestone!!” “X is bringing us dinner tonight, baby!” “You are loved.” “We are praying.” “How are you?” “It’s okay to be real.” “It’s okay to not be okay.” “Look what God did!!!” “Gods word tell us THIS...” “we are so blessed.”

It is true that even when we don’t feel it, He is working. It is true that we can have hard days and tantrums and appointment after appointment and pain and tears and exhaustion and fears and doubts AND have the peace and faith that God is here and working. The “both AND” (if you’re familiar with DBT) can exist at the same time. And they do! And, though i struggle to make updates like this, THIS is our truth- and I know we are not the only ones in this battle. We are not alone and we all deserve to live authentically so that our testimony shines even brighter. 

Today, we fly out to Chicago. Tomorrow, we start over again with the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Please join us in prayer at 1pm tomorrow (and everyday 🤪) that God will provide us with an anointed team of doctors and medical exams for Michael so that when we leave Chicago, we leave with ANSWERS for Michael. Thank you all for continuing to ride this journey alongside us. We feel so loved. 

#waymaker #thewrightwarriors #cancersucks #medicalmysteries #strongertogether #icantbutgodcan #pediatricgiissues #nicusurvivor