Journal entry by Fiona Scurrah —
patience
nounpa·tience | \ ˈpā-shəns
: the ability to remain calm when dealing with a difficult or annoying situation, task, or person
It has been quite a few weeks since I last wrote about my Mum. A lot of "things" have transpired during that time frame that have required a tremendous amount of patience. I wasn't sure if I have enough patience as we work through each day one at a time. We have had two calls to the police and ambulance due to Mum becoming violent and also trying to leave in the pouring rain. She has threatened to harm herself and then went at me with a pair of steak knives - which i had just recently sharpened - but luckily I was able to disarm her before she could do any harm to herself or me. She has hit and scratched Dad, called us both a lot of expletive names and had some interesting adjectives to describe her father, whom she disliked immensely. Through it all trying to maintain a calm exterior has been a challenge especially when the comment back is "I'm not a child and stop talking to me like I'm an idiot". On top of this we have the delusions and the constant going after Dad saying "he's a liar" and "why have you been away for four days and nights" (he hasn't). My poor Dad cannot win. He tries to explain; I try to explain but our words are all lies and what she believes is the "truth" and we are all worng and she is the one who is right.
She is now taking serequol which is supposed to help with lessening the paranoia and mood swings. It seems to work when she has taken the doses as prescribed. We have to call it a vitamin otherwise it won't get taken and when her routine gets up ended she often refuses to take any medications which makes for a few interesting hours. Her handwriting is no longer legible and seeing that hits home how badly scrambled and muddled her brain processes are, and hence the extra dose of patience that is required when interacting with her.
On the good days, like going to get our nails done or our hair cut, she is content for the most part but at the same time gets agitated if she isn't with my Dad. He does almost everything for her and he himself is 81. He helps her dress, he helps her bathe and he manages her medications. But we worry about his health as well. His gait is, at times, unsteady and if he falls, Mum won't be able to help him.
We have the assessment process underway. The social worker, the case manager and the psychiatrist have all come to assess the situation. Some of the medications need to be adjusted as their efficacy in older patients is not great and creates more issues than they solve - such as ativan for helping Mum sleep not a good med for geriatric patients and increases some delusional thinking. Getting Mum's medications into blister packs so that Dad isn't trying to dose out of so many bottles into her pill boxes and potentially missing one or two in the process. Figuring out options for additional homecare for both of them so that they are both safe and sound at home has been more of a challenge due to the fact that Mum does not like strange people in her home. Add onto that she thinks there have been numerous other people traipsing through the house at all hours of the day and night necessitating the need to change all the locks. Mum is also not sleeping through the night and wanders the house turning on lights think they need to be turned off and wondering where everyone is. Dad doesn't always hear her as he is deaf and does not sleep with his hearing aids in. I worry that she may wander out the front door one night, as she has already managed to get into the garage but luckily not able to open the door. Dad did not know where she was and had to call the police.
The inside house temperature is always at a balmy +26 to +28 celcius (for those using fahrenheit that is in the 80 to 82 range) and you are not allowed to turn it down. I am ever so grateful in the evening that I can retreat to the lower level where there is no heat turned on and it is a nice cool +16 to +18 celcius. Add onto this I am working remotely and cooking dinners and making lunch, not to mention the house work, and walking the dog, by the end of the day I am exhausted. I am not sure how my Dad has done it for these past months. We also need to get their cleaners back so that this is one less chore my Dad has to worry about.
I have been here for eight weeks. I need to go home, but at the same time I have guilt about leaving. I have no doubt that when I leave my Mum will be beside herself and my Dad will also be sad but hold himself up stoically. He knows I need to go home. He's just unsure what the future will look like once I leave. Saving grace is that my brother Duncan lives in Vancouver and will come over and take the baton from me. It will then fall on his shoulders to see that the homecare is running smoothly and that both my parents are safe. I have no doubt that I will have to return later in the spring or early summer as Mum's cognitive impairment further declines. This next week is going to be tough as I start to work towards packing up my stuff here for the trek home and Mum's response to that process.
It has been quite a few weeks since I last wrote about my Mum. A lot of "things" have transpired during that time frame that have required a tremendous amount of patience. I wasn't sure if I have enough patience as we work through each day one at a time. We have had two calls to the police and ambulance due to Mum becoming violent and also trying to leave in the pouring rain. She has threatened to harm herself and then went at me with a pair of steak knives - which i had just recently sharpened - but luckily I was able to disarm her before she could do any harm to herself or me. She has hit and scratched Dad, called us both a lot of expletive names and had some interesting adjectives to describe her father, whom she disliked immensely. Through it all trying to maintain a calm exterior has been a challenge especially when the comment back is "I'm not a child and stop talking to me like I'm an idiot". On top of this we have the delusions and the constant going after Dad saying "he's a liar" and "why have you been away for four days and nights" (he hasn't). My poor Dad cannot win. He tries to explain; I try to explain but our words are all lies and what she believes is the "truth" and we are all worng and she is the one who is right.
She is now taking serequol which is supposed to help with lessening the paranoia and mood swings. It seems to work when she has taken the doses as prescribed. We have to call it a vitamin otherwise it won't get taken and when her routine gets up ended she often refuses to take any medications which makes for a few interesting hours. Her handwriting is no longer legible and seeing that hits home how badly scrambled and muddled her brain processes are, and hence the extra dose of patience that is required when interacting with her.
On the good days, like going to get our nails done or our hair cut, she is content for the most part but at the same time gets agitated if she isn't with my Dad. He does almost everything for her and he himself is 81. He helps her dress, he helps her bathe and he manages her medications. But we worry about his health as well. His gait is, at times, unsteady and if he falls, Mum won't be able to help him.
We have the assessment process underway. The social worker, the case manager and the psychiatrist have all come to assess the situation. Some of the medications need to be adjusted as their efficacy in older patients is not great and creates more issues than they solve - such as ativan for helping Mum sleep not a good med for geriatric patients and increases some delusional thinking. Getting Mum's medications into blister packs so that Dad isn't trying to dose out of so many bottles into her pill boxes and potentially missing one or two in the process. Figuring out options for additional homecare for both of them so that they are both safe and sound at home has been more of a challenge due to the fact that Mum does not like strange people in her home. Add onto that she thinks there have been numerous other people traipsing through the house at all hours of the day and night necessitating the need to change all the locks. Mum is also not sleeping through the night and wanders the house turning on lights think they need to be turned off and wondering where everyone is. Dad doesn't always hear her as he is deaf and does not sleep with his hearing aids in. I worry that she may wander out the front door one night, as she has already managed to get into the garage but luckily not able to open the door. Dad did not know where she was and had to call the police.
The inside house temperature is always at a balmy +26 to +28 celcius (for those using fahrenheit that is in the 80 to 82 range) and you are not allowed to turn it down. I am ever so grateful in the evening that I can retreat to the lower level where there is no heat turned on and it is a nice cool +16 to +18 celcius. Add onto this I am working remotely and cooking dinners and making lunch, not to mention the house work, and walking the dog, by the end of the day I am exhausted. I am not sure how my Dad has done it for these past months. We also need to get their cleaners back so that this is one less chore my Dad has to worry about.
I have been here for eight weeks. I need to go home, but at the same time I have guilt about leaving. I have no doubt that when I leave my Mum will be beside herself and my Dad will also be sad but hold himself up stoically. He knows I need to go home. He's just unsure what the future will look like once I leave. Saving grace is that my brother Duncan lives in Vancouver and will come over and take the baton from me. It will then fall on his shoulders to see that the homecare is running smoothly and that both my parents are safe. I have no doubt that I will have to return later in the spring or early summer as Mum's cognitive impairment further declines. This next week is going to be tough as I start to work towards packing up my stuff here for the trek home and Mum's response to that process.
-
Mum's handwriting 2021.01.22
Christmas 2020
Mum the nursePatients and caregivers love hearing from you; add a comment to show your support.
Help Zelie Stay Connected to Family and Friends
A $25 donation to CaringBridge powers a site like Zelie's for two weeks. Will you make a gift to help ensure that this site stays online for them and for you?
Invite friends and family to visit the site
