Hi Everyone!
   This October marks 5 years since mom first got sick. I thought that maybe it was a good time for an update. I might be a little over due! Honestly, I always dread the question, "How's mom?". No fault to anyone who asks, I understand people are trying to be supportive and are curious. I struggle with telling the truth, anything more than "She's doing great!" is hard for me to admit to. People are always excited and empathetic but I can tell they are looking for good news. All in all, mom is doing great. She is happy and healthy and that is all we can truly ask for. But in reality, she is a whole different person. She doesn't smile the same, she doesn't remember how to do her hair or makeup so she looks different, she doesn't always remember my name and she is cognitively impaired and struggles to carry a conversation. I try and stay positive knowing she is happy and healthy and we are able to care for her from home at this point, but it still makes me angry. She does not deserve this. My mom deserves a life so much more than this. She struggles with a memory that only lasts a max of 5 minutes which creates a lot of anxiety for her. The way I explain her current state is some kind of mix between Alzheimer's and Autism. She struggles immensely with memory and cognition. Constantly asking the same questions over and over again and struggling with social norms. It breaks my heart to see the frustration and anxiety in her, as she desperately tries to understand what is going on around her at every moment of every day.  It is so hard to watch her struggle while missing and mourning the person she used to be. 

   Every year at this time I like to reflect on the past year as well as from day one. I try to take note of the triumphs and fails, the break throughs and the set backs. The past 5 years have definitely been filled with many which comes with difficult decisions for us to face. This year, 5 years later, has been no different. There has been a slight shift in the last year or two. We usually try and focus on what we can do to create progress with mom. That is still our main focus but we also have to realize that her progression is slowing and we need to accept and prepare for that. We are still a bit unsure of what that really looks like but we are doing our best to do what makes all of us happy as a family and individuals. What's next for mom at this point is unknown in a way. Mom had an appointment with a new neurologist in the past week that did not go great. It left us feeling defeated and running out of hope. Once we could collect ourselves after that appointment we did some research and found a few doctors that are more intensely specialized in traumatic brain damage, memory disorders and encephalitis. We are set up for consults and second opinions at this point. I personally am hoping for some repeat scans and new perspectives but I am not getting hopes up on what we are going to hear. As always we take it one day at a time but we are planning for multiple outcomes at this point. We have to do what's best for mom but also ourselves. Somehow somewhere we will find a balance in that. 

   As for us, we are all hanging in there. We've all taken our own journey of learning to deal with what has been handed to us and learning how to grieve a person who is still physically here in front of us. Dad continues to care for mom on a daily basis with the help of his parents and is working on getting back to life. It has been an adjustment learning to enjoy the things he does without his partner in crime by his side. Brady is thriving in college. He stays so busy it's exhausting just talking to him and hearing all he has going on. This is his senior year at UW-Platteville where he is studying theatre. This summer he took part in a showcase in Florida and was given a handful of opportunities to pursue after graduation. My best guess is he will end up in New York, his hopes are by this coming summer, to attend an intense acting school which he received a scholarship for. He continues to dance and is very involved with the studio he goes to. Brady also works for the university theatre preparing for shows. Needless to say, he is quite the busy body! I now work for Froedtert doing scheduling and registration and have decided to go back to school. Between working at Aurora with my mom and all the time spent in the hospital with her I decided healthcare might be where I belong so I am pursuing a career as a surgical technician. It was not an easy decision to go back, I knew it would be a struggle adding the stress of school to the demanding life I already have, but I am excited for the opportunity and challenge. I have my boyfriend Andrew to thank for the continued support and motivation when it comes to getting my work and studying done and keeping up with life itself. 

   I want to thank each and every one of you reading this. As time goes on people's lives go on as well. But the thoughts, prayers and support have remained. Thank you all for that. Wendy was and continues to be an amazing person. I take pride in being her daughter, doing what I can to fill the shoes left behind. I am always open to social media messages about mom and am always open to taking her to meet up with people who would like to see her. In many ways she is no longer here but in many more ways she still very much is. I like to focus on what we still have and enjoying the time with the person we still have.