I felt it best to write out my anxiety and see if this helps in some way. I had my six month scans yesterday and with that comes the worry and the anxiety that something is going to show up. I have done really well in the past but I feel that this time is different. No one is allowed to go with me into the center because of Covid. This leaves me sitting all alone and looking around the room at all the other people completely alone. It is really depressing. The isolation is really a mental game. A game that the devil loves to take part in. The isolation sends me to my thoughts and my thoughts are consumed with what ifs. It has led me to stress and fret and have a headache for a week now. I go in tomorrow for the results of my scans. I write this to give a glimpse of what a cancer survivor has to deal with. I am cancer free and I want to be overjoyed and thankful but behind that is cancer that is lurking in the shadows. I was asked recently if I feared death? We as Christians are suppose to answer no, I know where I am going. I can 100% tell you right now that I will be with our Heavenly Father when I pass from this Earth. But that doesn't mean that I don't fear death. I fear what it would do to my husband and what burdens it would leave on him in my absence. I fear what will happen to my daughter with the loss of her mother. The what ifs are boundless in these two scenarios. I love my life. I love my family and my job. I look at my life and see so much left to accomplish. Thank you all for your prayers. Please pray for clean scans tomorrow and for my scanxiety to ease. I will update with the results tomorrow.