Today we had the service for my father, Vic Stoner. In hindsight, we would have had some capacity for friends, but thank you for allowing the family to gather together safely to remember him. We are looking forward to the spring when Carman and Vic will be interred together at Fort Snelling, and then we will gather to celebrate Vic's life with joy and (hopefully) less gathering restrictions. Below are the remarks I spoke at the service, and a photo of the memorial card and poem. 

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When mom died, it felt so sudden and dramatic, yet somehow I was able to come up with the words to say here at her funeral much easier. Now, it’s my dad’s turn, and it all feels much different. The same sadness and feelings of missing him are present of course, but I also feel a sense of relief for him. Many of you know that the last 2 and a half years have been a daily emotional and physical struggle for my dad. He missed mom deeply everyday, and had to face that his body was shutting down a little more each day. Now, I can say that my dad is at peace because he no longer has to deal with the physical struggles of a failing health, and the emotional struggles of missing the love of his life. Despite having us kids and the grandkids which he loved dearly, none of us together could fill the space left by mom. Now dad and mom are together again.  I think it’s important that we all recognize and realize that it’s okay to feel relief and peace for my dad simultaneously with grief.

When I was thinking about what to say about my dad, I realized there was a lot about him and  his life I really didn’t know. Sure, I heard short stories here and there. But my dad was mostly a quiet, internal person- and for better or for worse, I inherited that trait from him, so was never so curious as to ask many questions. So while I can’t tell you all much about my dad’s life B.C.C.C (before Carman, Carly, and Chelsea)-although I have at least one piece of evidence that he was a favorite with his female coworkers when he was a young journalist- I do know that that first half of his life made him who he was with us, and I will share with you what I remember from what I hope was the better half of his life.

There are a lot of little things I remember about my dad. I remember he had this quirk where he would ask for seconds of something, and then only take one bite of a second serving. Also, he would eat all but one bite of something- which I something else I seem to have inherited.  I remember that if I ever needed help with English, writing, or history homework, to always go ask dad. With math, I was on my own. I remember dad treated us like princesses- carrying us down the stairs to breakfast on school mornings if we put up a small fuss about being tired. He treated my mom like a princess, or queen rather, by letting her have her way around the house and always getting flowers every Valentine’s, Mother’s Day, Birthday, and Anniversary. I remember my dad making corny jokes, and chuckling like he was getting away with something. I would always laugh with him, while my sister and my mom would roll their eyes. I remember my dad always taking a bowl of vanilla ice cream up to bed, then coming down an hour later wondering why we were all still up- it would only be about 8pm. I remember my dad working a lot of different jobs, usually two, never just one, so my mom could go to school and work as a teacher. I remember he finally completed college at an older age, and for 16 years was a favorite teacher to middle schoolers of all people, which is no easy feat. I remember how he loved spending time with the grandkids, even if they could be a little overwhelming at times. And I remember that in the last years of his life, after losing Carman, he didn’t want us to worry about him (although we needed to), he just wanted to know that we would all be okay.

So I’m asking that we do that. Remember all the little moments about Victor, and not to worry about him anymore, because he is now at peace and reunited with mom. And send him a message that we love him, and not to worry- because of him, we are all going to be okay.

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