This is a post I wrote while I was still in the hospital this last time. I have been released for the time being. :-) I am not going to do a lot of post editing on this one. It is coming out as the jagged rock it is.  

No, I did not spell the name of the singer incorrectly. :-) Although not usually a fan of country music, I may have to find a reason to use Beyoncé's new country song. Yes, I have watched people dancing to the song. I do not know if the dance is right, but it does not matter to me. They are entertaining. I also have a bit of a new obsession and that would be Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. It is certainly immature, and I am trying to cut back, but I have been interested for a while. It will blow up at some point. :-)  I have not given up eating or anything. As usual, the lack of eating is a different story. 

Until I looked today, I had not realized how long it has been since I last posted. I have thought about it frequently, but could not make myself post. Making myself do it today may result in a lackluster journal entry. My apologies in advance. 

I have been in the University of Chicago Medicine hospital four times since my last posting. I am pretty sure the August hospitalization was before that post. I am actually in the hospital as I write this entry. I am supposed to go home in the next couple of days. That is something I usually have to see to believe, but I am going to keep hope alive for the time being. 

I am here this visit for chemotherapy treatments. They have not really tried to see if I could receive that treatment closer to home, but I think I may keep trying to get them to do it. I am sure it makes them nervous because of the vomiting and the high fevers from this round of treatment. I think it can still be done closer to home to make things easier for me. 

The chemo was pretty helpful last time when I was in the hospital in dealing with Luke. We are not quite sure how well it is working this time, but a few arrows are pointing in the right direction. However, we have been there before. It might be that I have to have a week of chemo every month. They are also considering having me endure another transplant. I am not looking forward to that plan. The first stem cell transplant was pretty difficult. I was younger and in better shape then. Anyway, time will tell.  I have not wanted to consider another transplant, and now I am thinking about taking a shot at the possibility of continuing to live. 

I do not really want to go into much detail about the recent hospital visits. They each have their own crappiness to them. There have been hallucinations, excruciating pain, removal of a port, plenty of arm sticks, the placement of another port, terrible food (always), lack of sleep, body bruises, body sores, a biopsy on my arm in two places, more ivs than I could ever care for, some good nurses, some crappy nurses, bed and chair alarms. This list is not everything, but I am not willing to think through it all right now especially while I am still here. 

Each time we seem to have a treatment plan, something else happens and the plan has to change. It is hard not to feel like Luke is more determined than I am in winning this cancer battle. But, here I am, still in the fight for one reason or another.