Journal entry by Paula Millar —
Holy Cats! It has been 2 weeks since I've posted an update. Now it is a new year. So much yet so little has happened. Here it is...
Tom did get released on Dec. 21st. It was such a wonderful feeling for both of us - but especially Tom. We maneuvered him into the back seat of our van - leg straight out and elevated on top of the folded middle seat. We went up to the Dells area and made a couple of stops there. We had some small gifts for the guys who provided CPR to Tom during the accident. We were even able to meet 1 of the 3 of them. It was pretty cool. We also stopped for a bit of grocery shopping and Tom's sister Carol met us there with some of Tom's favorite Christmas cookies.
When we got up north (finally) Eric was waiting for us as well as some of our friends for a wonderful welcome home. Tony had built a ramp for Tom and it worked perfectly. We went in to a recently cleaned home with beautiful decorations from Tom's favorite movie "It's a Wonderful Life" that Amy, Kari, Sandy, and Carla put up for us. What a welcome! There may have been one or two or a gazillion tears. On Saturday, Brian, Jess, and Beckett came to visit. Unfortunately, Beckett wasn't feeling well and they only were able to stay a few hours. We also had many, many friends stop by on the weekend. SO nice to be home. We got several days with Eric before he headed back to Iowa. Tom and I actually had Christmas alone - with no gifts and no tree. It was the quietest Christmas we've ever had, yet it was everything we needed. We will get together with the kids and our grandson in January for a belated celebration with a husband/dad/father-in-law/grandpa who is more able to enjoy it.
When we remodeled our home, we purposely made it wheel-chair accessible for the "someday." Ah yes - 36" doorways should work, right!? HA! They are perfect if you are going straight in everywhere with your legs down. When you have a full erector set on one leg that can't bend - not so much. Fortunately the Leonidases put Eric in a wheelchair and gave it a whirl before we got home. They moved all the obstacles. Tony had put a riser under a recliner for Tom. That worked well. Our king sized bed was a blessing - the hardware took about half the bed (I exaggerate - but it felt like it!) We thought we had a really accessible shower. Turns out it was a lot of work. But for a man who hadn't showered in 63 days - he was willing to work through it. It has taken many tries - but we've finally got it down.
Quite honestly, the past 2 weeks have been both wonderful and difficult. Going home WAS almost a Hallmark movie. (And Jodi - we did make sure to kiss, but we are too shy to talk about it. :-) ) It felt so right. It IS so right. Navigating our days (and nights) have been challenging. I'm on call 24/7 - but I get to do it in my own home. Tom's scenery is his lake and his birds and all his unfinished projects. We're both working on patience. As mentioned, there are so many things that we needed to do differently in the house. Things as simple as where a chair should go or where to put the medical supplies or how to get dressed. We're working it all out - and we are not complaining - we are just a bit overwhelmed. Additionally, we're playing "catch-up" with all the things that didn't really get done in the past couple months... Things like bills and mail and appointments and all the little house things.
We got 5 nights at home and then we left again for Madison. We left a day early because of the storm warnings. We did make a Beckett stop for a few hours on the way down. We stayed 2 nights in a Madison hotel and even got out to watch a bit of the Badger's Pinstripe game at a near-by restaurant. Then we went in for an early surgery on the 28th. The plastic surgeon said the graft looked amazing. That meant that we could stop doing all the dressing changes and the BEST news with that is that the whole fixitor would be able to come off. The surgery to remove all those pins and posts took longer than expected, but it went well. They had to put a couple stitches in where the posts came out of the bones. They replaced the fixitor with a hard plastic leg support with a metal brace that locks the leg straight. They put him in a boot so he couldn't move the ankle. They also manipulated Tom's knee and got it to bend about 95 degrees. They were really pleased with that. Tom came out of the surgery knowing it was a great success, but also very painful. He was in a significant amount of pain for many hours. They ended up admitting him for a while, and getting him a bit of PT support. So we thought we were going to leave Madison by noon or so - and ended up in the hospital from 5:15am to 7:30pm. We decided we needed to stay a 3rd night in Madtown. We got to the hotel tired and crabby but happy with the surgical results.
We went home for 3 days and got to see more friends. Tom even got to Pine Point for 2 hours on New Year's Eve. This round of being home was easier. We've figured out our house better and Tom is becoming a bit more mobile. He is also regaining some stamina. We've also spent a lot of time doing PT by Paula. My new job is to help Tom bend his knee. We're working to get back to at least a 90 degree bend. Ultimately, it is our hope he'll be able to do it on his own, but he is a long way from that. So we unlock his brace, bend and straighten his knee by increments. We've gotten as high as about 70 degrees a couple of times. It is tedious, but it is necessary to get his knee working. He gets tired and sore from it, but he is a good patient.
He's pretty disgusted with me in another realm, though. I was looking out the window yesterday and noticed a squirrel that had chewed open our large Rubber-maid container with bird seed in it. I kept saying how cute he was as he went in and out, eating the bird seed. Tom didn't think he was all that cute. Oh well... if he doesn't like it, he can go move the container himself! Wait - no he can't. My stupid humor is at work again!
Anyway, we left again mid-day today for Madison. We will be meeting with ortho again to see how the last surgery looks and to get advice about moving forward. We know he'll be starting a regular PT regimen with a REAL therapist soon, but we don't know what else yet. We're also thinking we will look for an orthopedic surgeon in Duluth for his knee. We'd heard of some good ones in Ashland, but our insurance won't cover them. We just need to minimize these Madison jaunts. As much as we like it here, it consumes 2 days at a minimum and it isn't an easy ride for Tom. It is a long way to sit on one position. We can stop, but getting in and out of the van is hard. He is also struggling with being on that highway when it gets busy. I don't blame him - the memories are horrific.
I've been thinking a lot about my year in review. 2018. I tore my Achilles on January 2nd. Laura sprained her ACL in March. Eric chopped off part of his finger in September and then developed an infection. Tom's loss of 2 friends and tragic personal story is now well documented and hasn't ended. It has been a hard year. Most of me says, "Good Riddance 2018!" But 2018 brought me my amazing grandson. It gave us a ton of good family time. It brought us a nice trip to Denver (and an additional trip to Massachusetts for me.) We made new friends and sealed in more long-term friends. We moved permanently to our haven in 2018. We were reminded, more than any other time in our lives, of the goodness of people and the importance of family and friends. If it weren't for the downs of life, would the ups stand out as much? If we were never sad would we really know true happiness? I wonder.
People say you can't always choose your circumstances, but you can choose how you respond to them. I believe wholeheartedly in this. I don't like the down times any more than the next guy (or gal.) I wish the accident hadn't happened, but it did. No one can change that now. The outcome has been a struggle for at least 4 families. No one can change that now. Some sort of suffering will likely be in the lives of each family forever. I find myself crying at strange times and impacted by odd things that may not have hit me before. Sometimes I don't want to feel it, but I am trying to let myself just be OK with whatever comes my way. I also find myself with a deeper appreciation for the little things in life such as the squeeze of a hand, a stranger's kindness, a friend's smile, a call from one of the kids. The tough times of 2018 have seemed disproportionately large, but were they? In eternity, they were the blink of an eye. Maybe we measure time wrong here on Earth. The moments of struggle are only that - moments. Additionally, maybe we measure our situations wrong. So bad things have happened. What are we going to do about them? We're going to let ourselves be sad. We're going to grieve. We're going to be tired and cranky and impatient. Yet we are going to learn. We are going to grow. We are going to find new ways to live and connect with one another and with others. We are going to more fully appreciate the God's grace.
Our retirement home sits in the Chequamegon National Forest. We had a big snowstorm last week. Nearly a foot of snow covered the ground. The trees were bent over the road, covered in snow - the weight of them clearly heavy. Some of the branches probably snapped. Entire trees may have fallen. Yet, for the most part, the trees and the rest of nature adjusted and the struggles of the moment(s) passed. The snow has stayed but it will go. More will come and soon it will melt into a new season and the cycle will continue. The forest will stay strong. There is a lot to learn from nature. And from our small and human perspective, 2018 ended with the most gorgeous, spectacular, snow-filled trees and beautiful scenery imaginable. May 2019 bring peace, joy, and beauty to you and yours!
Tom did get released on Dec. 21st. It was such a wonderful feeling for both of us - but especially Tom. We maneuvered him into the back seat of our van - leg straight out and elevated on top of the folded middle seat. We went up to the Dells area and made a couple of stops there. We had some small gifts for the guys who provided CPR to Tom during the accident. We were even able to meet 1 of the 3 of them. It was pretty cool. We also stopped for a bit of grocery shopping and Tom's sister Carol met us there with some of Tom's favorite Christmas cookies.
When we got up north (finally) Eric was waiting for us as well as some of our friends for a wonderful welcome home. Tony had built a ramp for Tom and it worked perfectly. We went in to a recently cleaned home with beautiful decorations from Tom's favorite movie "It's a Wonderful Life" that Amy, Kari, Sandy, and Carla put up for us. What a welcome! There may have been one or two or a gazillion tears. On Saturday, Brian, Jess, and Beckett came to visit. Unfortunately, Beckett wasn't feeling well and they only were able to stay a few hours. We also had many, many friends stop by on the weekend. SO nice to be home. We got several days with Eric before he headed back to Iowa. Tom and I actually had Christmas alone - with no gifts and no tree. It was the quietest Christmas we've ever had, yet it was everything we needed. We will get together with the kids and our grandson in January for a belated celebration with a husband/dad/father-in-law/grandpa who is more able to enjoy it.
When we remodeled our home, we purposely made it wheel-chair accessible for the "someday." Ah yes - 36" doorways should work, right!? HA! They are perfect if you are going straight in everywhere with your legs down. When you have a full erector set on one leg that can't bend - not so much. Fortunately the Leonidases put Eric in a wheelchair and gave it a whirl before we got home. They moved all the obstacles. Tony had put a riser under a recliner for Tom. That worked well. Our king sized bed was a blessing - the hardware took about half the bed (I exaggerate - but it felt like it!) We thought we had a really accessible shower. Turns out it was a lot of work. But for a man who hadn't showered in 63 days - he was willing to work through it. It has taken many tries - but we've finally got it down.
Quite honestly, the past 2 weeks have been both wonderful and difficult. Going home WAS almost a Hallmark movie. (And Jodi - we did make sure to kiss, but we are too shy to talk about it. :-) ) It felt so right. It IS so right. Navigating our days (and nights) have been challenging. I'm on call 24/7 - but I get to do it in my own home. Tom's scenery is his lake and his birds and all his unfinished projects. We're both working on patience. As mentioned, there are so many things that we needed to do differently in the house. Things as simple as where a chair should go or where to put the medical supplies or how to get dressed. We're working it all out - and we are not complaining - we are just a bit overwhelmed. Additionally, we're playing "catch-up" with all the things that didn't really get done in the past couple months... Things like bills and mail and appointments and all the little house things.
We got 5 nights at home and then we left again for Madison. We left a day early because of the storm warnings. We did make a Beckett stop for a few hours on the way down. We stayed 2 nights in a Madison hotel and even got out to watch a bit of the Badger's Pinstripe game at a near-by restaurant. Then we went in for an early surgery on the 28th. The plastic surgeon said the graft looked amazing. That meant that we could stop doing all the dressing changes and the BEST news with that is that the whole fixitor would be able to come off. The surgery to remove all those pins and posts took longer than expected, but it went well. They had to put a couple stitches in where the posts came out of the bones. They replaced the fixitor with a hard plastic leg support with a metal brace that locks the leg straight. They put him in a boot so he couldn't move the ankle. They also manipulated Tom's knee and got it to bend about 95 degrees. They were really pleased with that. Tom came out of the surgery knowing it was a great success, but also very painful. He was in a significant amount of pain for many hours. They ended up admitting him for a while, and getting him a bit of PT support. So we thought we were going to leave Madison by noon or so - and ended up in the hospital from 5:15am to 7:30pm. We decided we needed to stay a 3rd night in Madtown. We got to the hotel tired and crabby but happy with the surgical results.
We went home for 3 days and got to see more friends. Tom even got to Pine Point for 2 hours on New Year's Eve. This round of being home was easier. We've figured out our house better and Tom is becoming a bit more mobile. He is also regaining some stamina. We've also spent a lot of time doing PT by Paula. My new job is to help Tom bend his knee. We're working to get back to at least a 90 degree bend. Ultimately, it is our hope he'll be able to do it on his own, but he is a long way from that. So we unlock his brace, bend and straighten his knee by increments. We've gotten as high as about 70 degrees a couple of times. It is tedious, but it is necessary to get his knee working. He gets tired and sore from it, but he is a good patient.
He's pretty disgusted with me in another realm, though. I was looking out the window yesterday and noticed a squirrel that had chewed open our large Rubber-maid container with bird seed in it. I kept saying how cute he was as he went in and out, eating the bird seed. Tom didn't think he was all that cute. Oh well... if he doesn't like it, he can go move the container himself! Wait - no he can't. My stupid humor is at work again!
Anyway, we left again mid-day today for Madison. We will be meeting with ortho again to see how the last surgery looks and to get advice about moving forward. We know he'll be starting a regular PT regimen with a REAL therapist soon, but we don't know what else yet. We're also thinking we will look for an orthopedic surgeon in Duluth for his knee. We'd heard of some good ones in Ashland, but our insurance won't cover them. We just need to minimize these Madison jaunts. As much as we like it here, it consumes 2 days at a minimum and it isn't an easy ride for Tom. It is a long way to sit on one position. We can stop, but getting in and out of the van is hard. He is also struggling with being on that highway when it gets busy. I don't blame him - the memories are horrific.
I've been thinking a lot about my year in review. 2018. I tore my Achilles on January 2nd. Laura sprained her ACL in March. Eric chopped off part of his finger in September and then developed an infection. Tom's loss of 2 friends and tragic personal story is now well documented and hasn't ended. It has been a hard year. Most of me says, "Good Riddance 2018!" But 2018 brought me my amazing grandson. It gave us a ton of good family time. It brought us a nice trip to Denver (and an additional trip to Massachusetts for me.) We made new friends and sealed in more long-term friends. We moved permanently to our haven in 2018. We were reminded, more than any other time in our lives, of the goodness of people and the importance of family and friends. If it weren't for the downs of life, would the ups stand out as much? If we were never sad would we really know true happiness? I wonder.
People say you can't always choose your circumstances, but you can choose how you respond to them. I believe wholeheartedly in this. I don't like the down times any more than the next guy (or gal.) I wish the accident hadn't happened, but it did. No one can change that now. The outcome has been a struggle for at least 4 families. No one can change that now. Some sort of suffering will likely be in the lives of each family forever. I find myself crying at strange times and impacted by odd things that may not have hit me before. Sometimes I don't want to feel it, but I am trying to let myself just be OK with whatever comes my way. I also find myself with a deeper appreciation for the little things in life such as the squeeze of a hand, a stranger's kindness, a friend's smile, a call from one of the kids. The tough times of 2018 have seemed disproportionately large, but were they? In eternity, they were the blink of an eye. Maybe we measure time wrong here on Earth. The moments of struggle are only that - moments. Additionally, maybe we measure our situations wrong. So bad things have happened. What are we going to do about them? We're going to let ourselves be sad. We're going to grieve. We're going to be tired and cranky and impatient. Yet we are going to learn. We are going to grow. We are going to find new ways to live and connect with one another and with others. We are going to more fully appreciate the God's grace.
Our retirement home sits in the Chequamegon National Forest. We had a big snowstorm last week. Nearly a foot of snow covered the ground. The trees were bent over the road, covered in snow - the weight of them clearly heavy. Some of the branches probably snapped. Entire trees may have fallen. Yet, for the most part, the trees and the rest of nature adjusted and the struggles of the moment(s) passed. The snow has stayed but it will go. More will come and soon it will melt into a new season and the cycle will continue. The forest will stay strong. There is a lot to learn from nature. And from our small and human perspective, 2018 ended with the most gorgeous, spectacular, snow-filled trees and beautiful scenery imaginable. May 2019 bring peace, joy, and beauty to you and yours!
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