Dear Dad,

God I miss you. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think of you. I miss getting your random goofy phone calls and voicemails— always impersonating different voices. I miss your unannounced visits, bringing breakfast to cook, always from Trader Joe’s and always carrying those avocados! Everything around me seems to remind me of you. I can vividly see you in my nightmares and dreams—I either wake up to tears or with hope that you’re still here and never left. I feel your presence now more than ever. Thinking that it was a year ago that we were finding out about your cancer. Never did it cross our minds that a year later you would be gone.

The heartache that I carry doesn’t get easier, I just get used to carrying this pain. It’s become a new norm to cry and shed tears, when your songs are on, or when we look through photos, or when we share stories of you. It’s when I’m the happiest that I miss you the most. I see you in my brothers and my lil sister Natalia. You’d be so proud to see Harolito be the best dad he can be. He has your swift swag and energy, that guy can’t sit down. Natalia carries your loud laughter and your smile, she lights up the room full of energy, just like you would. And principe, you gotta love him. Ok so he’s still a mommas boy (that will never change) He’s the connection to what’s left of the Rubios. Your sisters see you in him. He has the patience to carry out anything that is asked of him but it will get done at his time, not anybody else’s. 

I know you are resting in peace, but the ones that you left on earth need to find therapeutic ways to live with your loss. And this is my way.