Day Six of Stay #3 at Emory to deal with an ongoing infection problem. “Why are you still in the hospital?” you may be asking. There’s not a simple answer to that. Well, there seems to be a question of what organs, parts, abscesses are “communicating” and how. Wednesday I had a CT to help the Interventional Radiology (IR) doctor find the exact spot & most direct route to the abscess. Since then I have had a drain attached to me coming from the right cheek. Coupled with the drain is a valve to help flush the drain. Imagine a Lego piece stuck between your skin and the waistband of your underwear. It is actually more uncomfortable than it sounds. I told the doctors that they need to make the attachment tube a few inches longer to avoid that for future patients.  

As in the previous two stays, Infectious Disease (ID) is involved in the process. They have identified the bacteria and have a new antibiotic for me that I have yet to start. Currently, I’m on another broad-spectrum antibiotic. ID and IR believe there is a leak somewhere, but they can’t see it in the scans they have. They want to do a contrast scan tomorrow or Tuesday to try to locate it. They are also going to talk to my surgical oncologist to get his opinion/view on the leak situation. 

To be perfectly honest, I do not know when I will go home. Anna and I are in agreement that the important things are: get this infection nonsense taken care of completely, and get me back on the chemo schedule as soon as possible. The IR doctor will be talking to my oncologist to discuss having me do a round of chemo while I am here. He told me if they agree to that, I can just do it in the room I am currently in. If that works out, while it’s not ideal, it would be convenient and keep me as close to being on schedule as possible. One good thing is that I have the freedom to move around a bit and am not stuck in my room. I can travel throughout the hospital, hit up the coffee shop, and have even stepped outside a few times for fresh air and sunshine. 

Now, to address something that has come up a few times recently. Several people have respectfully asked if my positivity is just a brave face and that this is harder than I make it seem in my updates. It’s a completely valid question, and here is my answer. My positivity and optimism are genuine. I believe very much in the power of positive thinking and am trying to face this situation with that in mind. That being said, my initial reaction to setbacks isn’t usually, ‘That’s okay, I’ll get past it!’ There are lots of heavy sighs, some cursing, more heavy sighs, some fist-shaking, then a refocus on what’s happening and what’s important. This is where the intentional positivity comes back. I think of the alternative and know it’s not an option. I recently had a conversation that made me think back to when I was first diagnosed, and I decided that I was going to try to follow my mom’s example of handling situations like this in a positive, optimistic way.

I also need to add that this week I hit the wall, reached my limit, and my positivity train was derailed.  Learning I wasn’t going home on Friday, unlikely to go home Saturday or Sunday, dealing with three different things coming into/going out of my body, dealing with a lack of sleep, and just generally being overwhelmed, I lost it for a good little bit Friday. Thank God Anna was there with me and helped me calm down and refocus. And that’s what I did. Refocused on the positive aspects, refocus on the things I can control, refocus on the many, many friends I have willing to come visit and sit with me, and focus on getting done what I can get done. was there with me and helped me calm down and refocus. And that’s what I did. Refocused on the positive aspects, refocus on the things I can control, refocus on the many, many friends I have willing to come sit with me, and refocus on getting done what I can get done.

As I said before, I honestly don’t know when I’m going home, but I know I’m in the right place, I know I have a team of doctors working together on a plan for me, and I know I am deeply grateful.