Michelle had the most beautiful funeral Mass today.  Aside from lovely weather, everything was perfect today and our families truly felt  every grace that was poured out on us all.  

I offer my own thanks, as well as from my parents, to all who have prayed for and supported Michelle and her family.  

I wanted to post the euology for Michelle that I was honored to deliver today.  The day was so beautiful and it was good closure to this part of the journey.  

Father Gonzales, Father Fisher, Family and Friends-

On behalf of everyone in our family, we thank you for your support and care for Michelle over the years, and lately, our entire family.   I was surprised when she told me she was open to having someone speak at her funeral and even more surprised when she said I could be the one to eulogize her.  I think it was her big sisterly way of allowing me one final boost of confidence before she left, but with heavy pressure not to mess it up. 

She left notes, by the way. Of course she did.  She wanted two things, most of all. First, that we should not canonize her.  She wrote it in all caps too.  And she stated it multiple times throughout the lengthy document she left to Phil regarding her funeral prep.  Second, she asked repeatedly for people to pray for her after she passed.  She said she had much to atone for.  So I’m asking you all, please pray for her soul and continue to do so even after today.

So, I have honored those two obligations and will now share some of my own thoughts about my sister. 

Michelle was the oldest child in our family with 4 years between us.  If you believe anything about birth order, she and I were textbook older and younger siblings.  Michelle was naturally gifted academically, responsible, quiet, introverted, and excelled at nearly everything.  Except sports.  The Firmin girls never ventured into sports.  Whatever she was doing, I wanted to do it too.  She took piano lessons so I took piano lessons.  She took ballet, so I took ballet.  She took voice lessons, I copied. She began to act in community theatre, so I joined too.   She did speech and drama in high school,  so I did too. I frequently had a teacher that Michelle had also had and there were some high expectations coming into class as Michelle’s little sister.  One day near the end of her senior year, She announced she may have a religious vocation and wanted to go to a cloistered convent….but- that was a hard pass for me. I copied  almost everything she did even in adulthood. I even moved on to the same street.  She tolerated all of that and I hope she saw it as the compliment it was. 

In an effort not to canonize her, I will mention she did often bribe me with candy as a child so she didn’t have to play with me.  She could be rigid, and a bit judgey on boyfriends and my clothing choices.  She was a stickler for correctness, believing there was indeed a right way to clean or a right way to make a bed.  She was the person who corrected grammar.  I shudder now to think what she would say if she saw this typed up with a pitiful use of commas and semicolons.  But overall, she was the best sister, daughter, wife, mother, aunt and friend.   She shared her friends, her gifts, her talents, and most of all, her faith.  The Lamey family as we know it today would likely not have come to fruition without her prayers, and guidance.  Of so many things to admire about her, I envied her faith and her trust in God that all things would work together for Good. 

 The prospect of religious life gave way to a vocation to marriage, when she met and married Phil and quickly started their family.  Michelle was a natural mother.   She did not hesitate to serve others, to empty herself out so that Christ could come in. She prayerfully and practically built her own domestic church.  A natural consequence of this led to homeschooling her 4 children.  Michelle poured herself out again and again with each child to prepare them academically and spiritually.  For Michelle, it mattered most that her children knew the love of Jesus Christ and that they in turn, loved Him. She impressed upon them over the years, in countless ways, that Heaven was their True Home.  Their time on earth was temporary. She exemplified this lesson to the greatest degree with her cancer diagnosis. 

Michelle had a gift for hospitality. She made the time spent with her meaningful and marked occasions beautifully and thoughtfully.  If you ever received a thank you note or card from her, they were always thoughtful, and brimming with love.  She was big on thank you cards.  You may get a verbal thank you, a follow up text/email thank you, and then, a lovely thank you card that you just couldn’t throw away.  It was always better when she hosted the holiday or special occasion.  She took the time, doing small things with great love, to make moments, big and small, as lovely as they could be. 

When cancer came into her life 6 years ago, she didn’t waste a moment. She made every preparation possible. Whatever upset or anger she may have felt on the inside, I didn’t catch much of it on the outside, although I’m sure it simmered over at times. Instead, she took my tears, as I’m sure she did many others.  She loved to tell us to “offer it up” when we had a struggle or even a minor annoyance.  She told us not to waste our suffering.  I know she prayed for so many here and offered her surgeries, treatments, suffering, and eventually, her death, for all of us. 

Mom and Dad, Grief is an expression of Love and I know your grief is deep. Michelle absolutely knew how much you both loved her. And we love you both.

Phil, there is no one else in the world who could have loved Michelle as you did the last 23 years.  In the last month alone, tending to her every need and swiftly stepping into the roles usually assigned to Michelle has been remarkable to watch.  I know she left you dozens and dozens of documents and spreadsheets and the benefit of many conversations in the last several years.  Our family thanks you for your love and care for Michelle. 

Emma, as the firstborn and only daughter, you are so much like your Mother.  You made her so proud in so many things.  Her pride in your accomplishments in school and in your professional life were without limits.  She told me how much she loved hearing you sing each Sunday at Mass.  She took great comfort in seeing your relationship to Kashirim flourish and it meant the world to her to be there to see you marry.  Kashirim, Michelle adored you.  I heard it long before the rumblings of marriage too.  It brought her so much joy to have you join our family. 

Jack, I think you amused your Mom a great deal.  You are so clever and creative and you inspired her and challenged her.  She got such a kick out of all you over the years.  From your enthusiasm for whatever you were doing or making your films, or the years she had to keep buying Buzz Lightyear toys b/c you kept taking them apart...your Mom loved it.  She was so proud of how you have taken adulthood in stride and gone out to conquer the world. 

Liam, you share so many attributes with your Mother and I think you are the child that looks most like her.  She worried over you constantly, so afraid that cancer would be all you would remember.  She reveled in the long, deep talks you two would have. You have her quiet, contemplative nature and I know she delighted in seeing you come into your own as a young man, a musician,an altar server and Scout, and a student. 

And Ethan, I know Mommy misses you so, so much.  She always loved it when you showed her your lego creations, drawings or your videos.  She loved to snuggle with you and read books.   You are such an awesome little boy and she loved you so much.

Michelle gave us beautiful goodbyes, reconciled what was needed, offered and received forgiveness, tidied all the loose ends, said all the things, and steadied herself for what was to come, full of faith and trust and assurance.

One of the last meaningful talks we had was on Thanksgiving. She had lost her hearing but could still speak.  She awoke briefly when she felt my hand on hers.  She said “Tell everyone that I have lived well.  Tell them I have been given the most wonderful life and I did not waste it.  Tell everyone that I have lived a life I did not deserve.  Tell everyone that I have lived the most beautiful life. “

So, let me end by quoting a song that always reminds me of her.  Two friends must part ways, not knowing when they will meet again-

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

I do believe that i’ve been changed for the better

because i knew you

I have been changed for good.