I know it’s been a while since I have updated... in case you were wondering... Mother’s Day has hit me hard this year...not that I’m ungrateful... not that I don’t feel blesssed... but here are some thoughts on our personal journey... from the mom of someone who loves someone with chronic mental health challenges...
I sent this text to someone who was asking what they could do to help... not that this is everyone’s journey... just a look in my head today:
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So... I know I get defensive almost automatically when something comes up about Taylor. I'm sorry... I'm sorry in advance because I'm sure I will do it time and time again...I can't help it. I'm out at the end of my nerves all the time. Trying to manage a chronically mentally ill daughter is not for the faint at heart. Just know this...
1. Yes... we need help and the best way to do that is just to keep praying and loving her. That is my biggest fear.. and hers... that people will see her differently
2. Know that she will say and do really stupid stuff, probably. Continue to love her... just screen and parent your girls accordingly... we have to do the same with our little two
3. Understand that even though it looks like she is doing a lot of this for attention... she can't help it's. She is truly sick... no amount of punishment, phone taking away, etc. is going to make any difference... she doesn't run the same way the other girls do.
4. Recognize that she loathes and hates herself. She hates that she is heavy and doesn't feel pretty or cute... like her sisters or cousins... she hates that she can't function or even get off the couch some days... she hates that she has no friends and can't make new ones or maintain them.
5. We are all doing ok. This is our reality and we have to live in it best we can. Believe me... I ask God every day why we can't have a normal life... but this is the life we get, so we have to do our best with what we have.
Never feel that your can't talk to us... we need all of you so much. We love you and don't show it well enough. I am sorry”
today in church, the sermon was on Romans 8:18-21. Our pastor taught on the fact that if we know Christ...no matter what challenges we face here... that we will see His glory in Heaven. Made me realize that even though I pray and cry for things to be better here and now... that isn’t always His plan... that I CAN find beautiful things in the ashes. Do we look, act, function the way envisioned we would when the girls were tiny and not dealing with more grown up issues? Not even close... but if we can keep our eyes focused on how God will use this to impact His kingdom... it will be ok. Have a happy mother’s day... no matter what that looks like for you!
