Lung Biopsy Procedure-

A lung biopsy is an interventional procedure performed to diagnose lung pathology by obtaining a small piece of lung which is examined under a microscope.  Beyond microscopic examination for cellular morphology and architecture, special stains and cultures can be performed on the tissue obtained. A lung biopsy can be performed percutaneously (through the skin, typically guided by a CT Scan), via bronchoscopy with ultrasound guidance, or by surgery, either open or by video-assisted thoracoscopic surgery (VATS).

1. Mom had a needle biopsy. After a local anesthetic is given, the doctor uses a needle that is guided through the chest wall into a suspicious area with computed tomography (CT or CAT scan) or fluoroscopy (a type of X-ray “movie”) to obtain a tissue sample. ...

Mom and I spent the night in Hershey, PA.  I was thinking it was a good idea to put her a mile from the Hospital rather than driving an hour in the morning.  We stopped and ate at a local diner last night so that her belly was full before bed.  Her sugar level was at the all time low of 108 before bed.  That meant no insulin before bed.  We woke up with low sugar this morning too.  

It has been at least three weeks or so since mom has had a good nights sleep.  I truly believe she is afraid to go to sleep and never wake up again plus the steroid is contributing to the lack of sleep.  We need a sleep aide to help her rest peacefully.  

Mental state of mind-  Mom is on a steroid and an anti-seizure medication.  The steroid she is on is helping the swelling in her brain.  The brain mass is applying pressure which was making her have memory loss. The mass is on the left side of the brain the right side of her body is extra weak. She even stopped using her right hand for about a week and half. She was forgetting things like who the president is, why she was in the hospital, and the year we are in.  Since being on the medication we have seen a huge improvement in mom's ability to communicate, remember, and take care of herself again. However, the downside is that she is now very weak and needs assistance getting around and she is not sleeping at night.  The lack of rest is taking a toll on her 94 pound body mentally and physically.  She woke up at 3 a.m. and then by 5 a.m. she was dressed and impatiently walking around the room ready to leave. Needless to say, I was still hiding under the sheets.  The anxiety is off the chart right now.

So, the day begins- we checked in to Hershey at 630 a.m. a nervous wreck. We are prepped and ready for what the day brings us.  It is now 8:30 and the doctor came out to talk about the Lung Biopsy procedure.  As I looked at her pale white face she had tears running out the sides of her eyes and she mumbled " I am scared" this is all a lot.  As I tried to hold back every bit of fear and tears I assured her that we are in great hands.  Times like these are hard. I held her hand tightly and we talked about how we are going to get through this and she was going to be normal again.  As the nurse rolled her out of her room down the hallway I prayed to God.  

To bring light to the situation and reality at the same time let me share this with you.  A half hour after mom came out of the biopsy she had to pee.  The lovely nurse, Kristen came in to provide her with a bed pan.  She continuously complained that her rear was so sore.  Mom put me on a hunt to find her ass cream at the hospital.  Yes- ass cream (aka-Desitin).  Just like a baby she needed Desitin for her ass.  I ran out to the car to grab it from her suitcase and the entire time I am walking to and from the car thinking "who is going to apply the ass cream".  Get back to her recovery room and you guessed it!  I am the one she wants to apply the cream.   As I walked to the nurses desk with a look of terror on my face she asked if everything was okay.  I explained and she said " I got this". Whew.  Nurse Kristin took one for the team with a smile on her face.  Thank you- god.  This was another moment of reality.  Don't take for granted you can wipe your own ass.  It is all the little things in life.   Mom at least was able to keep a bit more of her dignity knowing that I didn't have to smear cream all over her rear end.

I sit here beside her bed digesting all of this; I tell myself it is going to be alright.  I am going to be able to care for my mom, my girls, my husband, family, my dance family, and what ever else is needed of me.  I fear that I won't have the stomach to do things like wipe mom's rear and clean up messes.  As I reflect back to my first baby (Sophia) I was scared and I feared not knowing what to do or how to take care of her.  I believe that something inside of us prepares us for the upcoming.  My bodies must be preparing for what is to come no matter how big or small.  I can do this!  I will face those things that make me uncomfortable and or weak at the knees.  These are life's experiences that make us who we are or who we will become. 

The unknown is always a hard place to live.
The fear of not knowing if you are going to live or die.  
The fear of what they will actually find in the biopsy.  
The fear of falling asleep and never waking up again.
The fear of
The fear and the The Fear...... When you are faced with a life changing tragedy I assume that all you have is fear. I also assume that it is super hard to remain positive.   I would like to think that mom has hope in heart and the will give her the strength to fight this unknown.  Right now, we are counting all of our time as precious time.  Again, the unknown is not a good place to live in.  I am counting my blessing.  Live today to the fullest.  I understand that now.

Thank you to all that reads my journal and everyone that continues to pray for my mom.  Prayer is powerful and I am blessed to have all of you in my life.