Today was a big day. I said good bye to my lifeline, my bulge, my "medicine poker" (according to Cam), my chemo port. It was a bittersweet moment for sure. While I was extremely excited to get it out of my body as it was VERY obvious I have one, it also saved my life. It made sure the chemotherapy got into my system quickly and effectively and saved my veins. I feel extremely fortunate I had this little guy along with me for the last two years.

I was able to have my port removal done in an unconventional way. I was offered to be under general anesthesia OR use just a local numbing and be completely awake and watch it all. Can you guess what I chose? I like to live life on the edge. :S I chose to stay awake and watch it all go down...

I rate that method 0/100. The amount of people in the room, smells, sounds, and "sharp" pokes were less than ideal. I, however, left feeling like a complete badass and felt I climbed another mountain. I also feel SO MUCH better this evening after not dealing with anesthesia side effects. I could have smooched my surgeon after as the thought of going into another OR was causing some severe PTSD. 

Today I drove away from my surgeons office for the FIRST TIME without a follow up appointment. I don't really know what to do with myself. I just peacefully waved at the front desk lady and wanted to say..."see you never." What does one even say to an office team that brought you from thinking about how you were going to survive through the next hour to feeling like she can conquer the world?! I have no words. 

Right now I'm working on finding new normals and working through the joys and fears that go along with being a survivor. The nasty "R word" (reoccurrence) creeps into your brain a lot but you have to just focus on being here now. I still get a pit in my stomach when I hear of another woman being diagnosed. I still get hit hard when I read of another woman dying from this God awful disease. This is simply because we can do better. Self exams, DONATE when and what you can to Metavivor and be here now. 

My family has been pampering and taking care of me today. I am going to lay low and then attend basketball games as I'm able...my most favorite weekend event. 

Check out this sweet note from my girl that she gave me when she got home. 

Love you all!

Steph