1 year since surgery - here I am, still alive and going strong.  The fact that I’m not only still alive—but doing everything I can to live the best kind of life I can dream of — never fails to amaze me and fill my heart with gratitude.  Grateful for the teams of physicians and nurses who have given me the best of care!  Grateful for my Good Vibe Tribe - that you all have been on this journey with me, supporting me, encouraging me, and giving me energy to keep dreaming and living life to the fullest :)  

I’m not going to sit here and pretend that cancer was the best thing that happened to me. Because it is NOT —not by a long shot.  It has been a torturous and terrifying experience.  I don't have any idea how long it will take me to come to terms with what has been, or what lies ahead. I am sure the internal and external scars are something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.  Not to mention a long list of scary side-effects and secondary diseases that the treatments and drugs warn could be lurking somewhere down the road, waiting for a chance to strike. 

But I don’t hate the fact that I had cancer either.  I am learning to accept cancer as a part of my life journey.  Even though there are memories that sting, and one day I hope to be able to forget, there are some valuable parts that I hope to never forget. The one big positive - I’ve come to realize that cancer has taught me a great deal about myself and about life that I probably wouldn’t have learned otherwise.  As much as cancer has taken away from me, it has also given life lessons that pushed me to grow and be stronger.  I think I may finally be past the anger stage?  Who knows, it comes and goes. 

I keep seeing this social media post that is well-intentioned, and I am sure it brings comfort to some folks. The short version:

• Cancer and the treatments make you weak. 
• It ruins marriages, families, and friendships. 
• You are not the same again after cancer and treatments - it is aggressive, destroys the body, and is a very long process. 
• In the end, the post asks something along the line of - so, who can I count on?  Re-post. 

This all sits wrong with me. Maybe it is just timing?  Maybe it is the wording?  Maybe it is just wrong?  Maybe it is just my perspective? Maybe it is just that anger stage sticking around? 

Here are my thoughts:  

• Cancer and the treatments make you STRONG - you will never fight so hard!  From the outside looking in, weakness may be what you see, but let me promise you - an internal strength is inside there more powerful than you can imagine.  During the worst of times, just having the strength to drink a glass of water or go for a walk across the room are pure feats of internal strength.  Pushing to limits and digging deep for energy to conquer one more day  -  I would never call that weak!  
• You will never be the same again. I would hope that any traumatic event would be life changing!  Of course you are not the same!  Body parts have been removed – chemicals and a poison cocktail have been added – emotional and mental anguish are daily struggles.  Hopefully, through it all - you learn, you grow, you embrace life!  I hope to never be the same - otherwise, what would I have learned?  What would be the purpose?  How can we experience the journey of life and never change?  
• IT (cancer and treatment) does NOT ruin marriages, families, or friendships!!!  People do that with their personal choices and with their actions.  I have learned so many great things about some people in my life that I never knew, and would have never learned without this life event.  I have experienced truly compassionate and empathic love from complete strangers!  I have gained members of the Good Vibe Tribe that I did not even know before!  Those who choose to love deeper, support, encourage, and just be there through both the good and bad times - those are the folks you can count on!  

So, what are the big life lessons I have learned over this past year? 

Stay strong!  Keep learning, growing, dreaming, and embracing life!

And, most important - Gratitude is essential!!!  

I didn’t always have a grateful heart.  And I certainly wasn’t in a state of gratefulness when a cancer diagnosis came out of nowhere and knocked me to the ground.  Instead, I cried, I was angry, and I felt sorry for myself.  But I noticed the more I complained about my plight, and the more I focused on the negative, the worse I felt inside. Add in the double-whammy when my Dad had a stroke and was diagnosed with cancer over the summer, and I guarantee there was very little gratitude hanging around in my heart.  

From the very early days of my journey, focusing on gratitude helped pull me out of that angry and sad cycle.  It wasn’t easy cultivating an attitude of gratitude—not sure I have fully cultivated it yet!  It is taking time, effort, and lots of willpower.  What I have learned is I am able to keep my spirits up in some of the lowest points in my life—and I have gratitude and my Good Vibe Tribe to thank for that!  

Please keep all the Good Vibes coming!  I am truly grateful for you :)