One year ago today I reluctantly, and humbly, went to have a colonoscopy in order to find out what in the world was going on with my rear-end! Never in my wildest dreams did I believe that the words "cancer" would come out of the surgeons mouth! In fact, his quote when I questioned his diagnosis was, "it looks like, feels like, and smells like cancer". (I later laughed thinking about him smelling the cancer in my rectum -funny visual!) I believed and trusted his knowledge and expertise... AND SO THE FIGHT BEGAN! 

When I reflect upon what my year has brought there are over a million feelings that come to mind! Right now, I am recovering at home from my ileostomy take-down (2 days post-op). So the feelings of pain and frustration jump in to my mind. However, I overcome these feelings by knowing that this brings progress and hope. Having my bag gone is a freeing feeling, although I've missed it a little due to the number of times I have to run to the bathroom! My colon will be "waking up" over the next 6 to 12 months and relearning how to work! I sure hope it doesn't hit the snooze button too many times! I will not miss getting up several times during the night to empty my bag! I completely forgot what it was like to have to function with limited hours of sleep! I now have a dime size hole in my abdomen where Stella used to hang out! Anyone who likes anatomy would think it's pretty amazing to see! Chad and I are impressed with how much we are able to see inside the hole. We are taking on wound care packing and adding it as a new resume builder. 

Since it's been a while since I wrote, I'll do a brief catch up of my treatment to this point. I finished chemo on March 27th! I was so happy to be done and move forward with the next phase of this cancer treatment process! Since that time, I have been adapting to some of the permanent side effects from the treatment. Mainly neuropathy and numbness in my feet. I no longer have feeling in my toes and most of my feet. Because of this, I will now be found on occasion wearing flats instead of heels at work! I have muscle deterioration from the chemo that wrecked havoc on my flexibility and strength however, am determined to regain all of this by the end of the year! I have been mostly prepping myself for my reversal (take-down), so I can recover quickly and move forward again.

One of the great lessons that I've learned along the way has opened my eyes to such a different side of cancer. Prior to this experience, I believed that when finishing chemo the emotional part was over. All the appointments, treatment, needle stick, doctors, etc. can take a toll on a patient. I was surprised to learn that the Cancer Journey was just beginning when the treatment is done. I have a completely different appreciation for all those that have gone and are going through treatment. Many times when we hear "they are cancer free", there is a belief that everything becomes easier. For the patient there is a controllable factor over cancer that comes with all the appointments. When this is done, there is a feeling of being emotionally lost, left behind, and confused on what to do next. There is the unforgettable "chemo fog" to struggle with daily. There are the sleepless nights as blood tests and CT or MRI scans are read. Then there is the unforgettable words that come out of a physicians mouth like, "there's a 70% recurrence rate"...WTF! Ok, so we work to fight the odds! 

Of course, the biggest lesson that I have gotten out of all of this will be the ongoing compassion of people. Friends, family, coworkers, healthcare professionals have showed me and my family so much love during this time! Phone calls, emails, meals, just listening, cookies, celebrations, stopping by my office - all these actions mean so much to me! They help me to heal from the inside!

My husband has been my ABSOLUTE ROCK! His support has been unwavering, especially during my emotional breakdowns! We help each other to stay focused on the WIN for life, not just for the moment. All the kids that live in our house have been AWESOME! Each one of them have stepped up to the plate to help do a little extra when Mom/Aunt Sharon needs it! The patient isn't the only person that goes on this journey and I believe I now better understand this side of cancer. 

So what's next! I get to enjoy some summertime sunshine (hopefully) for the next 3 weeks at home. Then back to work! I'll get to improve my skills at wound packing (seriously it's pretty awesome!). Lastly, I will continue to move forward, set goals, and embrace what ever is next. Opportunities to learn and grow in all areas of life are hard to pass up!