Today marks ONE YEAR. One year since I gave 69% of my liver to my cousin Scott. What a year it has been. I remember waking up in the ICU in the afternoon after the surgery and thinking, "Woah, we actually did it". This year has been bitter and sweet. Recovery has been hard. The first days and weeks were hard because of the pain, weakness and overall helplessness. The rest of the year was mostly hard because I am so impatient. Every time someone asks me about how it’s going, I am reminded that I thought I would be 100% by now and I’m not. But I lead the same full life I did before surgery, just with a little less strength and a little more discomfort. That’s not quite true, my life is more full (in the John 10:10 sense of abundance, not like a full schedule) now than it was before. So, really I am doing well, just impatient. The road has been infinitely harder for Scott, as was expected. He went through some scary stuff those first few weeks and like me, he isn’t 100% yet. He still feels pain and has limitations. And I imagine a similar feeling of impatience. But his life is more full than before the surgery too. He can hike and camp and be successful in school without liver disease slowing him down.

The surgery changed me (and I’m sure Scott would agree) more than just physically. Before and during everything, I didn’t feel selfless or brave or any of the words people used to describe me. But sometime over the last two or three months, I’ve started to realize that maybe this whole endeavor has changed me. I think maybe I am a little braver. Or I just trust God a little more. Probably both. In my work life, this was the year of the unexpected. I would come into a situation thinking the conversation would be about one thing and it turns out, something completely different was happening. Or I would expect a certain response from a student and would get the opposite. I had to wade into unexpected waters a lot and found that I’m a little bit braver than I was a year ago. I’ve apologized, taken responsibility and made things right more this year than ever before. And it’s not because I’m making more mistakes. It’s because I’m a little bit more willing to be vulnerable.

In the past week, my plan to celebrate our 1 year liverversary has changed a little. Last week Sunday I found out my July 4 plans fell through, so I started dreaming about what I could do for a vacation. I looked at flights from Oregon to anywhere to see if I could get a good last minute deal. And what I found was a 9 day cruise to Scandinavia, the Baltics and Russia on an incredible last minute sale leaving in a week! Eeek! I’ve never been on a cruise. I’ve never been to Europe. I’ve never traveled alone like this(I’ve always at least known someone in my destination). It’s been 12 years since I’ve been to a place where I haven’t spoken the language. This is well outside my comfort zone. The brave (and a little bit crazy) side of me took over and I booked it. I leave Monday at 6am! I’m an over planner and over researcher, so while I’ve had some really cool travel and other opportunities in my life, dozens or hundreds of hours of planning always preceded them. I’ve always desired to be spontaneous, but at my core, I’m a creature of habit.

I believe this past year has changed me for the better. I’m more willing to take a risk, more willing to wade into difficult things, more willing to choose the hard or scary thing over the comfortable thing. And it began with a simple yes 16 months ago to be tested as a possible donor. My annoyance with the slow regrowth of my ab muscles is nothing in comparison to the incredible amount of thankfulness I feel that I was able to donate last year. I’m so thankful that Scott has more and greater opportunities to lead a great life now. I’m thankful that I was able to donate and that my body is strong and resilient. I’m thankful that I am different because of the many ways this process has challenged me to be better and braver.

A friend asked me a couple weeks ago if I had any regrets and I can unequivocally say that I do not regret for a second any of the hard or beautiful things that brought me to today. All I have is gratitude to God, my family and the countless people who walked this road with us.