It is with a tired body but a peaceful mind that I've came to the conclusion that I'm done fighting this battle. I'm waving the white flag. My oncologist told me once that he felt like I was the soldier on Hacksaw Ridge who he could send into battle against all odds and I'd come back miraculously to take my next assignment. I've spent five+ years fighting hard but living to the fullest too. I don't feel like I wasted one day. I have so many memories in that short span of time that reel through my head. Everyone of them is precious to me.
In the last several months God has shown me his favor. Things would work out just perfectly, all the time. Examples would be I would take a shower and get ready and not until I was completely done would somebody knock on the door. Or I would start dinner and just as I was finishing up Eric would walk through the door. Or I felt sick but really wanted to go to Yellowstone so he gave me a burst of energy to get me there and have a good time before my illness took over again. I would have some thing planned but it would get canceled because God knew my body couldn't take it. Or when Issac was born, just for those few days that I could see him after he came home from the hospital, I felt good enough to hold him and be with him. This favor has been happening for weeks. Just every convenience or desire was laid before me. Has anyone ever experienced that? That's just one of the ways I knew He's in control and I don't have to do anything anymore.
I went to the oncologist on a Monday and told him I'm done with chemo and that I want to go on comfort care. Hospice will come over tomorrow. The chemo was ravaging my body. I have spent the last week not moving as to not get sick. I've lost 10 Lbs in 2 weeks. I am positive this is the right time for me. I have found myself wrapping up all the loose ends of this life and feeling more disconnected from this living world. I'm preparing for heaven now.
I want to thank Eric for being by my side through it all. For loving me so completely. I feel honored and blessed to have two sons and their families who have spent time with me so I can soak up as much of them as possible. My family has been my support. My friends have been my moments of joy through it all.
I hope everyone looks back at their life when it's their turn and feels as lucky as I do.
Until we meet again.
All my love,
Sandi 💛
