Roy’s Story

Site created on January 12, 2019

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Journal entry by Roy Richardson

One year cancerversaray

So thought It about time I added to my blog, been a while since the last one ( I’m still alive) 🤣that’s mainly due to the fact I only seem to get time to blog while laying in a hospital bed being pumped full of chemo 😩and September the 4th is my one year cancerversary, the day that changed my life, can remember walking into the consultants office and the words “it’s not good news” then I just sat there, staring into space, numb, the doctor carried on talking, pointing out on his computer screen where my tumours were but I just saw his mouth moving, it was like everything went silent.

Anyway, one year on, after 5 months of chemo, 6 weeks of radiotherapy and constant injections here I am, no recent scans so no way of knowing what is going on inside 🤷🏻‍♂️what exactly am I celebrating? A year of almost constant pain, some days unbearable, I’ve had more pain this last year than my entire previous 57 years, a year where every day i hear or see cancer stories in the news or on TV, where previously I would hardly have taken any notice, now I read every word, I joined another family or club, the club nobody wants to be a member, the cancer family, the twitter cancer community, all fantastic people all with their different stories, but all of us with stage 4 cancer, I’ve got to know some amazing people, and yes it’s like another family, the only difference is this family is constantly changing, accounts go silent, the tweets stop and a loved one posts to say they have sadly passed away, I have got to know and chatted to some amazing people who have sadly passed away this last year, Rachel Bland, did not know her, but I remember this most as she died on September 6th 2018, 2 days after I was diagnosed, a time I was googling everything with regards stage 4 and survival rates. it shocked me as I knew that this was my life now and this could be me soon, Rachel was a lot younger than me and has a young son, I still chat to her husband, Steve, many other people I knew have passed recently including Caron Gilchrist, again another young girl taken far too soon by this evil disease, and the sad thing is, as this family sadly decreases, they are replaced by new members recently diagnosed with stage 4, but yes I do have lots to celebrate, as getting me through this is my other amazing lovely family, they are the ones that see me in pain, I try not to let them see me suffering, they cheer me up when I am feeling low, and most of all they fill the house full of love and happiness, there is nothing better to take your mind off cancer than to see the grandchildren and get on the floor to play with them or run around the garden, not that I do much running now (fuck you chemo 😤) I’ve learned the thing about life; Is it is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right. I appreciate everything so much more, even the simple things like feeling the sun on your face, probably the most frustrating thing is not being the same person I was last year, coming to terms with the fact I will never be the same person I was before treatment, not being able to do the things I could before, so that’s a fact I’ve come to terms with and just get on with my new life, I still have that fantastic loving family around anyway 👍so into year two, who knows what it brings? Scans? More chemo? And just maybe that miracle cure 🙏🏻🤞🏼the one thing I know for sure is I will continue to take each day as it comes and enjoy every fucking one of them days

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