It feels like a lifetime of change has occurred since February 14th. Cancer has thrown a curve ball straight at us, but we’ve navigated through it so far and are finding our way slowly and carefully. Before I begin my journal, I just want to say thank you again and again to the people out there thinking about us, praying for us, making meals do us, donating money for meals, and giving their time to help out here while it is so needed. If we didn’t have to social distance, I would give every single one of you a big hug and tell you just how amazing you are and how appreciative we all are. I can’t put into words how much everyone has touched me with their generosity and caring spirits. It’s truly inspirational and I can’t wait to one day pay it forward.

Without further ado, here’s the haps since my last post..

My hair drastically changed. I posted photos of the craziness. The kids and I decided to have some fun with it before it starts falling out. I figured now was the time to do something I’d never done before! 

On April 29th, they failed to place my port because they couldn’t find a vein. I have tiny veins, which have somehow evaded nurses and surgeons alike for years. I tried To warn them. With the help of a CT scan, my port was place May 8th and I was to begin AC chemo the following Monday, BUT... my body decided it wasn’t quite ready for that hit. Since my port hasn’t been healing as quickly as expected Dr. Chi decided to switch up my schedule and I’m going backwards with the treatment. We’re doing Taxol first since it can be given via IV until my port heals more. So, Friday (May 15th) I officially began my treatment. I was both ready and hesitant, which is such an odd combination, leaving your body feeling almost like it’s on autopilot, going through the motions and watching from afar. That or maybe I was possessed. As long as my head doesn’t start rotating or spewing pea soup, I think I’ll be okay.  

I’ve been told that when going through chemo, you have to listen to your body and allow each thing to come as it may. Life is unpredictable and so is ones body on chemo. Each story I’ve heard has been different from one person to the next, so it’s really a crap shoot of what to expect. What I've learned so far is that I can never drink too much water and leg pain is no fun. Seriously, I can drink cups and cups of water and still feel like my mouth is a desert. Luckily, Taxol, the chemo I'm receiving, doesn't usually cause much nausea, so that's a definite plus. The first treatment brought a day of bouncing off the walls thanks to the steroids followed by normal routine and then two days of legs aching like I’d been on the hike of my life. By Wednesday, I was feeling back to normal again. One down, 15 to go! I was nervous going in and I had no idea what to expect, but luckily I was allowed a visitor on my first round of chemo and didn’t have to go through it alone. Josh was with me as I sat nervously picking at a biscuit, sipping tea, and feeling fuzzy from all of the pre-treatments they inject like Benadryl. Im pretty sure I would have floated out of there if not for the high amount of IV fluids they also give. Anyway, Josh did an amazing job of keeping me occupied and calm. I can’t wait for Gordon to be back. They’ve been so helpful, too.

Friday, May 22nd, I had my second treatment. 2 down, 14 to go! Things, of course, didn’t quite go as planned then either. My white blood cell counts were extremely low, which could mean a variety of things. They lowered my chemo dose by 20% and next week they are hoping my numbers will go up a bit. They will get low over time, but shouldn’t be this low yet. So, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We need good results next week! Reasons like this are why I truly appreciate everyone who continues wearing a mask in public. This small action shows so much about human kindness and selflessness, so thank you to everyone reading this who wears masks to help keep immunodeficient people safe. 

As long as we keep going this path with chemo, I'll go every Friday for the next 10 weeks. Then comes AC, which will be every 2 weeks for 2 months (4 treatments). 

Most importantly, the boys are doing very well with everything. Liam has gone through chemo with positive results. Sarah has also been through the very same things I'm stepping into and is cancer-free. They know this will be tough, but we will get through it and that has been extremely key to their positive outlook. Right now I'm still well enough to get out for walks and do most everything we've always done, so we're just enjoying every single moment of that. They've given me extra hugs, Liam is constantly telling me he loves me, and we just dyed my hair a ridiculous color for some extra fun before it falls out. I'm so thankful for these kiddos and every day spent with them is truly a blessing. It’s hard to believe Josiah will be 13 years old in a few weeks! 

Again, thanks to everyone who has pitched in with money, meals, and messages of thoughts and prayers. At first I really was hesitant to put my story out there and wanted this to be a personal journey, but am so glad I opened up to friends and family because the outpouring of love and support has been a reminder that some things really take a village. Positivity goes a very long way when going through chemotherapy, so please keep those thoughts and prayers going. They are getting me through this day by day. Also, if you have time to provide a meal, please sign up via MealTrain. We will need several meals provided over the next months. Here’s the link to that: https://mealtrain.com/54y1vr